#i know this fandom consists of like two people and a ball of lint

[hollowistheworld]

Rooftops

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There was something horribly junior high about the entire thing. Not that Miranda thought she had any business expecting anything else out of Eli.

She’d woken up to her alarm and a wall of notifications telling her that someone had gone through her instagram, systematically liking every picture she’d posted in a very long time. In true Eli fashion, the username was painfully obvious and theatrical - GreatestThief321 - and he had apparently gone through her pictures sometime just after two that morning.

Miranda supposed she could give the thief the benefit of the doubt and assume that it had been a reasonable time of day wherever he was, but knowing him as well as she did she guessed that he had made sure that, whatever time it was for him, it would be an unreasonable time for her.

She opened up her phone as she sat up, and shook her head as she got a better look at which photos he’d liked. It wasn’t quite all of them after all. He had liked photos she was in, and photos she had taken, but he had clearly, in a way that couldn’t possibly be mistaken for accidental, avoided liking any photos that focused on Gin, whether Miranda was in them or not.

Miranda shook her head and reached out to scratch behind Gin’s ears. “Not sure he understands the point of a guard dog,” she told him. “I specifically trained you not to like him.”

Gin lifted his massive head, flicking an ear. Miranda waved her phone at him. “Eli.”

A low growl rumbled in the back of Gin’s throat for a moment. Most of Miranda’s co-workers had been surprised that she’d been able to train Gin to know Eli’s name, but Miranda didn’t think it was all that exceptional. Gin was a brilliant dog, and Eli had a larger than life personality. He could probably train a bag of bricks to recognize him.

Miranda set the phone aside and got out of bed. She’d set the tech guys after the username Eli had used, but she didn’t expect anything to come from it. He was too good at what he did to get caught over something stupid like an instagram account.

“What is he up to?” Banage asked of no one in particular. He squinted over the tech guy’s shoulder at the computer screen as though he might find a hidden message. “Is this a threat?” He looked back at Miranda. “Should we put you under observation?”

Miranda rolled her eyes. “Eli has never been violent. And I don’t think he’d send subtle threats through instagram pages anyway.”

Banage turned back to the screen again. “Then what is he doing?”

Miranda didn’t answer. He didn’t expect her to know, and she wasn’t about to admit that she did. Admitting that the country’s most wanted criminal was flirting with her had good potential to be career suicide.

To say nothing of the response she would get if they found out she didn’t really mind. She would never encourage it, of course. And she’d put cuffs on him given even the slightest opportunity. But Eli was charming, and there was no harm in letting him compliment her, as long as it didn’t get in the way of her doing her job.

The tech guy shook his head. “Sorry, Agent Banage. He must have made the account, liked the pictures, and covered his tracks. It’s a dead end.”

“Isn’t everything?” Banage said with a sigh. He wasn’t anymore surprised than Miranda was. “Why bother though? Why go to all of that trouble? Eli’s lazy.”

Only when it suits him to be, Miranda thought. First rule of thievery - never make assumptions. Besides, Nico had probably done all the actual work. “Demonseed probably did all of the hard work,” she said aloud. “I doubt Eli did anything aside from actually liking the pictures.”

Banage nodded, clearly only half listening to her. Although Eli was Miranda’s business, not his, he got easily as distracted by the thief as she did. Maybe worse. Sometimes he seemed to forget there was anyone else on Eli’s team.

The tech guy finished whatever he was doing and turned to Miranda with an apologetic shrug. “Sorry, Agent Lyonette. Looks like another dead end.”

“It’s alright. I didn’t think he’d be sloppy enough to let us get him tham easily, but it would be just like Eli to leave a clue on a lead he didn’t think we would follow. I’d never risk giving him the satisfaction.”

The tech laughed and Miranda let herself out. Banage followed. “He doesn’t do anything without a reason,” he muttered as they walked back to the elevator, half to her, half to himself. “What was the point?”

To get my attention. To tell me he’s still thinking about me. To let me know he doesn’t have the good sense to stop flirting with the agent in charge of throwing him behind bars. Out loud she said, “Eli’s motives don’t make sense to anyone but him. And, no disrespect meant, sir, but this isn’t your job.”

Banage made a vague grumbling noise in response and jammed at the elevator button with more force than it required.

They rode up in silence.

It wouldn’t be so bad, Miranda thought, if Eli was flirting with her for ulterior motives. If he believed - however misguided - that she might be lenient with him if he charmed her, that would be more understandable. If he believed he could use it against her, get her to let her guard down, to hesitate for long enough for him to put a plan into action, that would be a motive she could explain to people, and a tactic she could understand.

Instead, Eli just liked her, and if that helped him stay out of prison it would be a perk, not a goal. Bastard.

It was difficult to be angry with him about it though. Eli was just how he was. He was genuine. A genuine bastard, chaos-monger, criminal, and con-man, but genuine nonetheless. About this, at least.

Miranda made her way to her desk and glared at her stack of paperwork as she sat down. Half the reason she had sent the tech guys after the instagram account, she could admit, was because she’d hoped for a more solid, more interesting lead than the stacks of papers waiting for her.

Miranda got off work, went home, walked Gin, and started dinner. Ten minutes after hanging Gin’s leash back on its hook, her phone whooped.

Miranda jumped at the sound, and then glared at the phone. She didn’t have an alerts that should have caused it to make that noise. It sounded like the first wail of a siren, and she could see that the screen was telling her she had a text message waiting for her. If the thief had somehow managed to manipulate her phone settings…

She picked up her phone and huffed out an annoyed breath. Not surprising. After so long chasing Eli, Miranda was beginning to suspect she’d lost the ability to feel surprise.

#1 Thf: Did I spare you from any boredom today?

Miranda glared at the screen. She should call Banage. Take the phone down to the office. Get the techs to hunt down the number.

But it wouldn’t go anywhere. Eli and Nico were too good for that, and although Eli might be reckless enough to risk texting her without protections just to see what would happen, Nico and Josef watched him too closely to let him get away with it. And she just couldn’t convince herself to waste her evening hunting down a deadend lead instead of eating dinner and watching a movie with her dog.

She looked down at Gin. “The worst thing is, he knows exactly how much he’s annoying me.”

Gin boofed softly in response.

Miranda set the phone back down on the countertop. “I just wont respond. I’m not playing this game with him.”

She made herself busy in the kitchen. Busier than a piece of fish and some pasta required. She reorganized her spice cabinet and set out the dishes she’d need. She stirred the pasta several times more than was necessary.

And then she whirled around, marched to her phone, and snatched it up.

Miranda Lyonette: You’ll get sloppy doing this eventually.

His reply whooped into the room only a second later.

#1 Thf: The fact that you haven’t called the computer hounds down on me for this text suggests you don’t really believe that.

Miranda Lyonette: How do you know I’m not having them track you right now?

#1 Thf: Plz

Miranda resisted the urge to swear. It wasn’t like he was there to hear her do it.

Miranda Lyonette: I’m not going to ruin my dinner so I can stroke your ego, and we both know that’s the only reason you’re messaging me at all. And that stunt with my instagram? Really, Eli?

#1 Thf: What stunt? They were very nice pictures. Your hair looks lovely.

Miranda Lyonette: In which one?

#1 Thf: All of them.

Miranda was not flustered. She put the phone back down on the counter with a little more force than necessary because she was frustrated, not flustered. Eli Monpress was not capable of flustering her.

Miranda Lyonette: Your charm is not going to get you in any less trouble.

#1 Thf: You think I’m charming?

He answered himself before Miranda had a chance to, which was a good thing because she didn’t have any response that didn’t sound like a compliment or a flimsy denial.

#1 Thf: I mean, I AM charming, of course, but I wasn’t sure if you could tell that, my dear Miranda. All that time around criminal files dulls the senses.

Miranda Lyonette: Careful, Eli, if your head gets big enough to see from orbit we’ll have no trouble at all catching you.

#1 Thf: Though you might have some trouble finding a place big enough to keep me. If they imprisoned me on the moon, would you come to visit?

Miranda got halfway through her response and paused, biting her lip hard enough to hurt. She knew how he would take a comment like that. Was she willing to walk right into it?

Miranda Lyonette: Once we have you locked up, I’m not taking my eyes off you. You think I trust regular prison guards to keep you where you belong?

Apparently she was willing.

Eli’s response followed the longest pause in the conversation yet.

#1 Thf: I cannot tell you how flattering it is to receive such a compliment from one such as you.

Miranda’s heart was starting to beat a little harder than it had any business doing when she wasn’t exercising.

Miranda Lyonette: Did you want something out of all this, Eli, or did you just message me because you’re angry at Nico and Josef for not letting you cheat at cards?

#1 Thf: They’re spoil-sports and we all know it.

#1 Thf: Do you have any plans for tomorrow morning?

Miranda stared. He wasn’t. He wouldn’t. He wasn’t stupid enough to believe she would pass up any opportunity to arrest him just because of a few pretty compliments. And while he was pretty damn self-centered sometimes, he wasn’t that egotistical.

Miranda Lyonette: Why do you want to know?

#1 Thf: Oh, no reason. Just curious about what esteemed agents such as yourself get up to on their days off. We only ever see each other when you’re on the clock.

Miranda Lyonette: If I see you, I’m immediately on the clock. Me not having my badge doesn’t make you any less of a criminal.

#1 Thf: Ah, well. It never hurts a man to dream. I’m sure we will see each other soon enough, Miranda.

Miranda Lyonette: What are you talking about?

Miranda Lyonette: What are you up to?

Miranda Lyonette: Eli?

Miranda Lyonette: You’re a bastard. I just hope you’re aware of that.

Miranda sat down to eat dinner, fuming, equal parts at Eli and at herself for being charmed. It was one thing for Eli to be able to smooth talk his way past security guards, and to convince billionaires to hand over everything they owned. But she knew better. She knew what he was. What he was like. What all his tricks were.

Of course, that was half the problem. She knew Eli, and she liked him. She didn’t like what he did, and the day she could truss him up in a jail cell would be a happier one than any major holiday, but she did like him.

And Eli, goddamn him, knew it.

After the texts, Miranda was prepared to wake up the next morning to an alert that Eli had robbed a museum a few blocks away, or kidnapped some visiting head of state.

Instead, she woke up to Gin growling and a rapping noise at her window.

Gin was already up and out of bed, front paws on the windowsill, growling at it and looking like he might be about to try breaking through it. Miranda could see nothing on the other side.

She pulled Gin back and considered the window for a moment. The rapping continued, with no obvious source for the sound, and after a minute she realized it was being tapped on just above where the glass started.

Eli.

Miranda moved to the bathroom and dressed quickly in clothes she could run in. She belted on her holster and slid her gun into it - not that Eli would give her any cause to use it, he was never armed - and prepared a pair of handcuffs. She purposefully didn’t bring the key; no sense in making things any easier for Eli.

She texted Banage Eli Monpress gloating. My house. and then she slipped out the window, ignoring Gin’s upset barking behind her.

“Ah, there you are!” came Eli’s cheery voice from the roof. “I was beginning to wonder if you were a heavy sleeper.” He considered her as she pulled herself up onto the roof next to him and wrinkled his nose. “You don’t sleep like that, do you? It looks horribly uncomfortable.”

Miranda found her footing on the roof tiles and put her hands on her hips. “Eli Monpress,” she said, trying not to sound too out of breath, “you are under arrest.”

Eli snorted. “Wow, Agent. You got me. I, who am well practiced at fleeing over rooftops and who has every street in this city memorized, could never find a way out of this.”

She glowered at him. “I’m not letting you go.”

“Letting me go? Who said anything about letting me go?”

“If you think just because you’ve made me blush a few times that I’m going to let you keep on wreaking havoc wherever you go-”

“I would never even consider it. In fact,” he stood and leaned towards her, lowering his voice as if telling her a secret, “if you were the sort to let a thief go just because he batted his eyes at you once or twice, I wouldn’t give you the time of day.” He kissed her cheek and darted out of range, just in time to keep the cuffs from catching his wrist. He grinned at them. “That’s a sweet offer, but I’ve had plenty of that sort of thing to last me a lifetime.”

Miranda could feel that her face was on fire. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see you. It’s been a while, and with what I’ve picked for my next target, it’ll be a while longer. I didn’t think you’d mind too much. You can probably milk this for weeks, keep yourself from being foisted off onto some two-bit amateur thief that isn’t worth your time. Besides,” he waved his arm in a grand, dramatic gesture, “when was the last time you watched the sunrise you get from this view?”

Despite herself, Miranda followed the sweep of his arm.

It was a beautiful sight, sunlight streaming across dark rooftops under a pink smeared sky. Miranda stared at for a few seconds before becoming aware that Eli was next to her, close enough for her to feel his body heat.

She didn’t look at him as she said, “If anyone ever found out, I’d be out of a job.”

“I’d never allow that to happen to you.”

“Eli, I can’t do anything.”

“No, you won’t do anything. And I love that about you. After a lifetime of hypocrites - your boss amongst them, never forget - I admire a woman of true principle.”

“What do you think you could get out of this?”

“Not much. A few minutes of sunrise here and there, maybe.”

Miranda’s heart was fluttering despite her best efforts to stop it. “That’s all you’ll ever get.”

“That’s all I want.”

“What makes you so sure it even means anything?”

He laughed. “Miranda, if you weren’t interested, you’d have come out here with your gun drawn, if you’d come out at all. This is what your principles will allow you. And I’d never dream of pressing for more.” He kissed her temple, light and fleeting. “You can always say I’m a bastard stalker, if it comes to that.”

Miranda clinked a handcuff link closed around his wrist as sirens began to close in on them.

Eli laughed, delighted. “A rooftop chase it is then!”

And then he was gone, leaping from roof to roof as light as a cat, the handcuffs already falling to the street beneath them.