#i know there will be some couples in the trama and stuff and

[thaliasthunder]

ok ok these r my notes from chapter 1 to 4

annabeth got taller than percy oh gods

since book 1 percy has a tendency to describe/compare annabeth's little gestures, even the gentle ones, to BATTLE MOVES. boi r u ok

so.. thalia's baddass

nico is a CHILD, didn't expect him to be that young 😭 (also him being a little gamer boi kind of remind to richie tozier from my last fandom)

not Artemis and the hunters throwing the boys shade HELPKSDJ

and not percy being a little shit for Bianca joining the hunters of Artemis 😭

grover being in love w artemis my little son

the way apollo annoys the shit out of artemis & her hunters 😭

15-almost-16-thalia driving omg 👀

grecia reading Percy Jackson #1: the lighting thief

IT'S HAPPENING

[darling-i-read-it]

This Is Ours

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 900

Warnings: some talk of buckys trama 

Author’s Note: man i should write more for bucky, i really liked writing this one. I hope you enjoy!

Requested: by anon, hi, could i request a slow dancing with bucky fic? plz :)) (this doesn’t have to be included but i feel like the song “this is ours” by peter sivo band would work really well) love ur writing btw💕

Summary: 

Genre: fluff

Song: this is ours by peter sivo band 

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

(not my gif)

Bucky was confused. He was more confused then not these days. He was getting the hang of his life that was not being an assassin. He had all this free time and so little idea on what to do with it. His therapist had him seeing his victims families and such but the majority of the time was just him trying to remember who he was before he was The Winter Soldier. 

He didn’t feel like James Buchanan Barnes. He didn’t feel like The Winter Soldier. He didn’t really know who he was.

He had Steve but he was dead and gone now. He had Sam but Sam annoyed him to no ends sometimes. All he really had that he could rely on was you. 

Bucky had met you at a cafe he was at. He was trying to figure out how to order coffee but all the words were way too confusing. You helped him out and left your number on his cup when you gave it to him. 

He didn’t want to get close to anyone. But he couldn’t help it with you. You were so easy to get along with. You didn’t know him as The Winter Soldier, you didn’t know him as James Buchanan Barnes. You just knew Bucky. 

“I am going to get you some furniture,” you muttered, walking around Bucky’s apartment. You opened a window and the view was horrendous but at least it let some light in. 

“I thought you were a barista,” he said, sitting on one of two chairs in his apartment. You scoffed.

“Yeah, and what do you do Buck? Where do you get your income for such gorgeous...interior design,” you teased. You walked over to the front door and he watched you do so, interestingly. 

“I was waiting for you doll that’s all,” he said. You rolled your eyes but he saw the smile on your face. You picked up a box that you had brought inside. He hadn’t bothered to ask about it because you liked your theatrics. 

“I bought this for your apartment. I found it at a thrift store and after semi close inspection I concluded that it was in pretty good condition.” You put the box on his kitchen table and opened it, carefully taking out a record player. He raised an eyebrow as you set it down on the table and got it set up. He stood up and walked over to the box where you had a couple of records in there. He took out one he didn’t recognize but he took out one anyway and put it down, putting the needle on a song. 

This Is Ours started to play softly through the apartment. The vintage scratchy sound made him feel comfortable at once. He looked over at you, smiling. You offered up your hand and he took it, walking to the middle of the apartment. He may have been rough on the romantic stuff but if he knew anything it was how to slow dance.

You swayed back and forth, putting your hand in his and your other hand on his shoulder. He had his free hand on your side, expertly moving you along. 

“What were you saying about the lack of furniture?” he asked, voice so soft that it went out a bit in the middle. You scoffed and put your head on his chest so he couldn’t see how flustered you were. 

You listened to the quiet music. Bucky listened to the lyrics as well and felt a swell in his heart. It had been a long time since he was allowed to feel this for someone. Love. He was in love with you. 

The emotion scared him but not enough to stop dancing with you. Your touch made him feel safe. 

“Thank you for getting the player,” he whispered. He nuzzled his head into your hair. You smiled.

“Of course Buck.” 

After a few minutes the song came to an end and the next one started. You pulled away and ran your hand through his hair before cupping his face with your hands. 

“You still need a bed,” you whispered. He chuckled and shook his head. 

“Alright, alright.”

[daisy-mei]

After being in my little space for a few days this week, I've noticed a couple things.

This blog is fully safe for work, so please don't follow or interact with me if you are a kink blog, etc.

When I'm little, I don't get self concious about my appearance, which is something I normally struggle with. I stay happy most of the time, and when I start to feel upset I just find a stuffie or something to entertain me and I'm fine. I'm craving snacks and wanting to watch movies from my childhood, mostly stuff from when I was 8-10 years old. I've only been called "little one" so far, and I loved it more than I thought I would. It made me giddy and giggly. I think I might also like princess, pumpkin, or kitten.

I get a little bit nonverbal. I talk every now and then if I have to. Is this because of the age I switch to? 8-10 would have been 2nd-4th grade for me. This was a time in my life where I was bullied alot, only had maybe 1-2 friends, and was neglected and abused alot as a child. I didn't speak up much because I wanted to pretend like everything was okay. Like people weren't being mean to me, and the things my mother did to me was normal.

I've always had this urge to switch to a younger mindset, but I thought for the longest time that I wasn't allowed to do that, and that people close to me wouldn't want to talk to me anymore if they found out. Now that I know what it's like to switch, I feel so much better. Do I switch to 8-10 because my mind is trying to cover up the old trama?

Thank you to the 3-4 people that know about this part of me. You guys are supporting me through a strange time, and I'm still trying to figure all of this out. To my lovely boyfriend who is supporting me, thank you. ❤️ I know this is a little weird, but it's a part of me that I've always had and I just haven't let myself open up, but now that I have I realize it's something I've always needed.

If anyone also in little space has insight on this new space for me, please feel free to comment or message me! I'm female, 24. I could use some friends! 😁🌼

[zenzaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Don't know if anyone else pointed it out yet not being racist either if it comes off that way but everytime i see an artwork of the triple spirits sisters for the ATLA story i can't help but laugh and remember the three fates from Hercules movie as a child they remind me of basically a dark skinned version of them and its so inspiring, uplifting at the moment. Love the story to Jet was a morally, and trama filled child that never got a help or a reality check till katara can't wait for more~

Female godlike figures coming in threes is a common thing in mythology! There’s the fates, the furies, mother, maiden, and crone, the norns, etc.. I just borrowed from the mythology I’m familiar with. I also recently did some stuff with Macbeth so I had the Weird Sisters in mind while I was writing their sections of the dream sequence. I constantly try to run through things to make sure I am not unconsciously playing into negative stereotypes. I’m making an attempt, and hopefully it works. I’m glad that you enjoy it!

Jet was definitely done a little dirty by the atla showrunners. He’s a teen, the same as all of the main characters, who’s shown to have grown up without any support system and forced to fight for himself after his whole town was killed by the Fire Nation. You give a kid swords, kill off everyone he’s ever known, and give him a group of people just like him to fight with and for just outside of a place partially run by the people that killed everyone he’s ever known in the middle of a culture of violence, and there’s a recipe for some unequal retribution. He is definitely not in his rights to kill a whole town, granted, but it is clear and sort of understandable why he is trying. The decision to make him a villain of a kind is understandable too (see: trying to kill an entire town) but it’s also a little uncomfortable in that he’s the only local resistance we ever really see and he is punished for taking violent measures (again, trying to kill a whole town, not a great look there, Jet). There’s some uncomfortable implications in that applied to real world activism against violent institutions. In a world of people tossing around infernos, creating chasms at a snap, and making tidal waves with a couple finger-wiggles, he’s a kid with some swords. He has only ever had anyone teach him how to deal with problems with violence. He’s given access to the sudden, terrifying power of a force of nature and he uses it the same as the people that hurt him with a different force of nature: indiscriminately and without mercy. Morally, he is very wrong. Ethically, he’s also wrong, but it’s a bit more complicated, given that there’s a whole war on and all of that. It’s wild how many war crimes a children’s show can fit into it.

[brinaedwards]

Honey, I think We F*$#@# Up the Kids

The thing about this class that is really awesome is the fact that I can take a day to myself, watch movies and still call it homework. Euphoria took me a couple days of binge watching but still, it was nice to relax and take in films that I would have never watched on my own.  Some I enjoyed like MID90's, some I did not, KIDS. Like I said in my last post, I would not want to watch that film again. I have no real reason as to why not other than the fact I just did not enjoy watching it. Well the scene where Capser sucks kool-aid out of a tampon, yeah that could be a reason why not to watch it again.Everything else was really good though, then again I could watch The Breakfast Club all the time.

As a common theme of these posts I have a list of questions that I am required to answer next to me. After watching these films/tv shows, the character that I identified with most is a combination of characters. Specifically from Euphoria because honesty that show is pretty close to society today. Kat is someone I can easily relate to because when I was in High School, I was very much overweight. I never noticed it because I was surrounded by friends that didn’t make me feel overweight. Like Kat, those friends were really skinny and included me in things like going out and having a good time. I forgot what year but sometime during high school I met a kid who I fell head over heels for, similar to how Jules fell for “Tyler”.  However, I wasn’t catfished or anything like that but I was very manipulated by this dude, let's call him “Tyller #2”. . We were never together but I was like his side chick in a way. Similar to Jules, “Tyler #2”  convinced me to do things that I would never think of doing but being in a vulnerable state at the time, it was easy for him to take advantage of certain situations. For the first time I was very conscious of my weight, and tried all the dieting techniques out there and none of it worked. I eventually ended up being with someone else who actually made me happy and confident. But “Tyler #2” got under my skin again and I eventually broke up with the dude I was with under the false promise of being with “Tyler #2”. For years I was under this man-child's thumb and like Kat I spiraled, desperate to try and find myself. I would confide in friends and they would tell me to get away from this dude but I never listened. This kept going on for years. I ended up becoming friends with some not so great people because of it. Thankfully I got away before anything super awful happened. But back to “Tyler #2”. It was about a year into college that I got over “Tyler #2”, and that's because I woke up one day. I will never forget this but I remember him saying to me, “Maybe you should lower your standards and then you can get a guy”. I don’t know why that hit me so hard but in that moment I came to this realization that I shouldn't have to lower my standards for anyone, if anything I need to raise them. And that is exactly what I did.I blocked “Tyler #2” from all my social media, and when he called me out on it one day I looked at him and said “you are a disgusting, sad piece of shit”. After that moment I felt free. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I ended up losing a lot of weight and gained confidence back in myself. I found someone who exceeded my standards and I've been with him for three years now. I haven't seen or spoken to “Tyler #2” for a long time and I hope to keep it that way. There are things I know he has done to girls he was with, things that should have gotten him charged with assault but, of course nothing could ever be proven. That's why I can identify with Kat, Jules and come to think of it, even Maddy.

I guess that goes into the themes these films/tv shows portray in youth. Abuse, Social Pressure and Sex. When I would watch things like this around my parents or brothers when I was younger, they always gave me a look of shock and disbelief. As if things like that don’t happen in today's world or ever happened. And of course when trying to explain to them that things like that happen, they get defensive or even a bit disappointed that issues were never brought up. I think that’s because things like this aren’t  easy to explain, it's more than words can explain. A lot of it has to do with social pressures today, I mean social pressures such as the pressures of getting good grades, meeting parental expectations, peer pressure and massive world pressure that is being forced on us today. Euphoria didn’t go too much into detail of social pressure as much as it did with abuse and sex but The Breakfast Club on the other hand oozed it. For example, characters such as Claire, Andrew and Brian each went through their own pressures. For Brian he is pressured by his mother to get good grades no matter what, eventually the pressure of failing a class was too much for him and he brought a gun into the school. Yes it was a flare gun but the principle is there. In an article from the Pew Research Center, a study showed that “61% of teens today feel pressure to get good grades” That alone can cause anyone to go off the edge not to mention the public expectations put on youth, for example, Andrew having to win and prove to his father that he is cool. And how Claire values what her friends would think if they knew she wanted to be friends with the others. All those things are sometimes built up in one person and it's absolutely terrifying. The Guardian article on how Euphoria captures teen melancholy briefly mentions how we are a generation of school shooter drills. (I don’t know if that is meant as a description of how we are as a generation but that's not the point of trying to make). What I am trying to get across is that social pressure placed on youth today is scary, especially since there was a time where every few weeks there was a school shooting. I don’t want to get into gun laws because that is a long post for another day. I just want to get into the mentality of it all because The Breakfast Club highlights an important issue to mental health and what kids even now go through.

I remember being in highschool and my school had a serious shooter threat. My parents still sent me to school because they felt that nothing would happen. Nothing did but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t absolutely terrified. I did not attend any classes that day, instead I stayed in the band room that day because if anything were to happenI could hide in a cubby or run out the back door. Even more recently a few years back when SUNY Orange got a shooter threat, I didn’t even go and neither did a lot of people.

I am so thrilled that mental health awareness is something that is being recognized and taken seriously. The stigma behind needing therapy and vocalizing feelings needs to end, especially the stigma of gender roles. Abuse is a theme that is presented in all the films/tv shows watched this week. The Breakfast Club shows insight on domestic physical abuse through John, Euphoria gets more into the psychological, emotional, physical and self abuse that teens go through. This theme especially is something that needs to become more recognized and addressed. Abuse is not just physical, it is mental and emotional. Nate abuses both mentally and physically by using Jules as duct tape to make problems go away by black mailing her. With Maddy he uses his control physically, verbally assaulting her about how she dresses, oh the list can go on and on.

Sex is a common theme in all the films/tv shows this week and that is something that every teen goes through. At that age your body goes through changes and it’s only natural that it is explored. In todays world sex is not much of a taboo like it was for our parents. But at the same time I feel that it is. When I was in highschool sex was not talked about. It was mentioned once in health class but that was it. No one went into detail, there was no explanation about stds, how females need to check for things, the list goes on. KIDS was a film that went into sex way more than all the other films/tv shows. It highlighted the horrors of unprotected sex, such as contracting HIV. As much as I disliked this film it is one that needs to be seen. The lectures talk about the “Disneyfication” of things today but it's that way of thinking that is hurting the youth of today. I can understand that parents don’t want their kids going through such trama at a young age, but if they are not being taught properly, not being educated they are going to find out on their own. Any issues kids face today parents right it off as a “part of growing up” but when your kid doesn't know what a condom is, or how to properly use birth control what do you expect is going to happen when the daughter is pregnant or the son has an std? That is not a part of growing up, that is just pure negligence on the parents and teachers. I could really go way into more of a rant but I feel that a topic like this needs its own blog and this one is already long af. Here are links to videos that I watched that go more into detail about education today. I promise they are not that long.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Yt6raj-S1M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnC6IABJXOI

Long story short, abuse, social pressure and sex are themes that kids face on a daily basis. It’s amazing that there are shows out there like Euphoria or films such as KIDS and The Breakfast Club to make it known that this is real. The world is a scary place, but that does not mean censoring that bad stuff. It means that the youth need to be prepared for a shit world, and if they’re not shown or educated about things before the fact then honey, I think we f*$#@# up the kids.

To make this whole post a little lighter let's just talk about the music, the Euphoria soundtrack was all of today's music, which if you listen to half of them its all about getting laid and doing drugs. Sort of on theme of the show don’t you think?For MID90’s the soundtrack fitted the “skater” “punk” theme. A soundtrack is something that can spark a memory, make it feel relatable. Take you back to a time where you had a similar experience. For example, certain songs I listen to take me back to when I used to be at Billy Joes in Newburgh line dancing, getting wasted and then eating pancakes at the Alexis Diner. It makes me think of what kind of playlist would describe my adolescence. Oof, well isn’t that a trip down memory lane.

I grew up listening to metal, my brothers have their own metal band, so I would be the only toddler sitting on the amps coloring not giving a shit about all the grimey people in the audience haha. It would be only fitting that my playlist would consist of metal & rock. However, as I got older I enjoyed pop songs and a couple edm mixes. My list would probably be:

Fame - David Bowie

ARTPOP - Lady Gaga

Bring Me to Life - Evanescence

Everytime We Touch - Cascada

Evil Angel - Breaking Benjamin

Forest - System of a Down

Hype - NEFFEX

My Curse - Killswitch Engage

Nightmare - Avenged Sevenfold

Shout 2000 - Disturbed

https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/my-adolescents/pl.u-8aAVVgafjg0W9A

These would be songs I would listen to non-stop as teen in middle school/ high school. “Fame” is a song that just makes me dance. I mean who doesn’t love a good David Bowie song right? “ARTPOP” is something that brings me back to when me and my uncle went to NYC to see Lady Gaga at the opening of H&M. “Bring Me to Life” is a song that honestly, all kids that are exploring metal/rock come across, the same is said for “Nightmare” and “My Curse”. “Hype” and “Everytime We Touch” takes me back to when I used to go to parties. I don’t know why but these were songs that would be on, I think because everyone was probably too drunk to care. “Shout 2000” is a song that my brother introduced me to, he would have this specific Distrubed album playing non stop and im sure thats why the CD got all scratched up. Ahh the days of CD’s, I feel that I’m part of the generation that saw the last of those things. “Evil Angel” is a song that I played all the time on my ipod. Breaking Benjamin was the best band I ever heard and when I got the chance to see them live it was amazing! As for “Forest”, well, System of A Down has such a chaotic, emotional style that you can’t just help but to headbang to their songs. This was always one of my favorites. As I got older my music taste  has expanded to musicals, classical, pop, jazz, kind of every genre but country haha. Sorry country.

WORK CITED

“The Sadness of Euphoria: How the Show Captures Teen Melancholy.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 25 June 2019, www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/jun/25/the-sadness-of-euphoria-how-the-show-captures-teen-melancholy.

Horowitz, Juliana Menasce, and Nikki Graf. “Most U.S. Teens SEE Anxiety, Depression as Major Problems.” Pew Research Center's Social & Demographic Trends Project, Pew Research Center, 30 May 2020, www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/02/20/most-u-s-teens-see-anxiety-and-depression-as-a-major-problem-among-their-peers/.

O'Keeffe, Gwenn Schurgin, et al. “The Impact of Social Media on Children, Adolescents, and Families.” American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Pediatrics, 1 Apr. 2011, pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/127/4/800.

TEDxTalks, director. YouTube, YouTube, 2 May 2014, www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnC6IABJXOI.

TEDxTalks, director. YouTube, YouTube, 6 Feb. 2015, www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Yt6raj-S1M.

[princeanxious]

Starborn and Starbound:

I had.. A smol idea.. And i have no idea if i wanna write it out into a full fic so here's the barebones of part of it:

[[MORE]]

Roman and Logan have been dating for like, a year or two, and everything is going splendidly and like, theyre both head over heels in love with each other and nothing can change that.. Except, Logan's never ever comfortable with swimming, getting undressed/changed, or showering when Roman is with him(aka like, Roman wanting to do that 'share the shower' couples thing bc hes a romantic) and is never lets anything escalate past kisses n' stuff and Roman just goes with it and doesnt question it bc his tol lanky smart as hell bf is probably hella body-concious and he's p much waiting for Logan to come forward abt it(if he does) so that he can assure Lo that he'll still love him no matter what(tho he says this to Logan often in their lengthy conversations about anything to everything)

And like, Lo is so in love but so scared to tell Roman the truth, and like, when their second year anniversary is coming up Logan wants to come clean, having to face his fears.

Roman kinda expects/prepares to hear Logan finally come out with some big past secret, or injury or scars or trama or issue(which is all hella valid and hes super patient w/ Logan abt it) that causes Logan's strict policy of no bare body seen by anyone but himself.

Logan takes Roman out on like, a really nice dinner and date and tries to let Roman have as much fun as he can before Logan rocks his world.

'I'll love you no matter what'

'Nothing can change that, Logan.'

'What if I told you.. I wasn't human?'

Roman thinks Logan's played an elaborate joke on him, and lowkey hopes that Logan isn't living a high functioning illusion, and he tries to laugh it off but Logan's face doesnt break away into its usual playful smile. He remains serious.

When its clear Roman doesn't believe him, Logan takes Roman home(if they weren't home already) and gets Roman to agree not to freak out if he shows him his other form.

His other form turns his skin a bluish-grey, tho hes still as pale as his human form, his true form remains mainly humanoid, but the patches of glowing blue and white markings covering his arms and chest, sharper teeth and white eyes set him apart. Roman almost thinks its some elaborate cosplay until he notices Logan's extra foot of height with bare heels flat on the ground and the fact that nowhere on Logan's body will the color come off like makeup.

Logan is still his nervous self tho, showing his hunched shoulders nervous ticks and scared gaze as if the human two feet shorter than him would hurt him, and despite all of the inhuman quirks bwing out in the open, Logan is still acting just as human.

Roman learns that Logan grew up on earth, and was raised to live like a normal earth child, its all he's even known. Hes been alone in his kind since his alien parent died, that he knows of. All he has is his human parent. And reaching out to Roman is literally life or death for him.

Romans pretty shocked but like, keeps his cool even as Logan shifts back into human form(the easier form to keep at this point) Roman can see where all of his markings have translated to his human skin as passable white tattoos. He ends up curling Logan into his arms and soothing him and assuring him that he still loves him, and though this is still alot to take in, he isnt going to leave Logan.

They eventually settle together and Logan is so much more comfortable in their relationship and barriers from before slowly get lowered as Logan trusts Roman more intimately.

Thats all ive really got so far.. Ideas, anyone?

Oh, also, the others(including emile and remy and thomas) all exist in this universe too, and tho im not sure who all is what, the only confirmed things I know is that Virge is Human and so is Dee. (And for all I care Dee and Virgil can be the only other full humans aside from Roman, tbh)

[dammn-dean]

Eye Contact - Part 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 2.8k+

Warnings: Small flashback to past trama

Summary: Y/N is new to the Stark Tower, with a complicated past and an interest in the just as complicated friend of Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes.

Read Part 1 here

Eye Contact Masterlist

Part 2 is here! Slowly we will be finding out what the reader’s past entails, hope you all enjoy. Feedback is much appreciated, also tags are always open! As usual it’s unbeta’d, so mistakes are all on me.

You were still fuming and your brisk walk only slowed once you go to the kitchen by the common area, just long enough to grab a bottle of water and a granola bar to hold over your hunger for now, then you were off again. Once you were in the private space of your room you let out a frustrated groan. You paced for a moment, willing yourself to calm down, you opened up your granola bar and started taking small bites of it. Between the bites of granola you took sips of water and after a moment you felt a bit calmer and a bit embarrassed by your outburst.

You really weren’t in the place to be stirring up trouble or making anyone have a bad idea of you, hell you were alone and if not for Steve and Mr. Stark who knows where you’d be or what you would be doing right now. You sighed at the thought before shaking it off, much like you often did. You decided to go ahead with your shower,hoping it would relax you.

As you washed yourself your mind wandered, probably a little too much. Somehow your once angry thoughts towards Bucky became clouded. You remembered how his body felt against yours when he had you pinned to the ground, you thought about the cool of the metal arm vs the overly warm feel of his flesh one holding your arms above your head. Mixed with the look he was giving you, his steel gaze seemed to never leave your eyes and honestly you weren’t sure how you made it through the session, you held a blush on your cheeks the entire time.

You did your best to be professional and you didn’t think that Steve or even Bucky noticed, but it only made what happened after worst. You didn’t let yourself think about it, something you were pretty good at, avoiding things, just letting the past be the past. Bucky very clearly had an issue with you and you weren’t sure why but you knew you had to get yourself over this and move on from something as juvenile as a crush.

Once you were out of the shower, feeling moderately better about the events that had transpired earlier. You brushed your hair, leaving it to air dry then headed to your dresser for some clothes, before you could settle on what to grab there was a knock on your door. Just a small one, eerily familiar to the one Bucky used this morning to wake you. Your breath hitched but you knew if you waited too long he would walk away, if it was indeed him. You stood a moment, deciding what to do before hurrying to the door and swinging it open.

Your eyes met his always intrusive blue irises, and your heart ached. His normally intense gaze was replaced with a much more somber one, and you noticed how his eyes were flecked with a deeper blue, making them seem more like pools than eyes. You stood there, just gazing into them before you realized you were being overly obvious, you straightened your back and noticed that Bucky still hadn’t moved or said anything. Was he staring into your eyes right back that entire time?

“Bucky?” You saying his name brought him out of the trance he seemed to be in, then his eyes quickly left yours.

Bucky’s eyes widened before he turned around quickly, his broad back to you now. At first you were confused then it dawned on you that you were in just a towel, your cheeks heated up. You remembered the first time Steve had knocked at your door and you opened it in a towel, you would have thought you were completely naked and bare for him to see with the way he reacted. They were born in a different time, a time when women probably didn’t open doors in their towel.

“I uh-” Bucky cleared his throat before continuing. “I just wanted to come and say sorry about earlier. You were right, I shouldn’t speak on things that I know nothing about. I hate when people make assumptions about me, I apologize for what I said.” You saw the weight of what he said to you actually on his shoulders, he seemed to be beating himself up over it.

“Oh, uh, thank you for apologizing Bucky. It’s fine, don’t worry about it okay?” Your hand moved to his back, hoping to relieve some of the tension he was holding.

What you hoped to be a friendly move was apparently far from it. When you touched him he just about jumped out of his skin, apparently being touched wasn’t his thing.

“I am so sorry, I was just trying to-” Your words were quick and frantic. He clearly already didn’t like you and you clearly just made it way worse. You weren’t sure why you were trying to console him, considering he came here to say sorry to you.

Bucky turned his head to the side, “It’s fine, just surprised me is all.” His eyes met yours again, his jaw ticked and you suddenly felt very exposed under the scrutiny of his stare. As much as you liked looking into his eyes, your gaze fell to the ground, it was your turn to feel bad about invading his personal space.

You adjusted your towel, pulling it closer to your body and the movement wasn’t unnoticed by Bucky. You were trying to comfort yourself maybe, or perhaps you were uncomfortable that a strange man with a metal arm was forcing you to talk to him while you were just in a towel. Bucky shook his head, why couldn’t he do anything right?

“Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier, I need to think before I speak.” Bucky’s back straightened again, facing the wall in front of him.

“Like I said, it’s fine Bucky, really don’t worry about it. I’m sorry for touching you, for startling you.” You smiled at him, even though he couldn’t see your face you hoped he could hear the smile on your voice.

“I think tonight Tony’s going to order in some food for everyone, we’ll all be in the common room like 6 or 7, if you want to join.”

“Oh, yeah okay. I’ll head that way like 6 or so.” You were surprised by the invite, it’ll be your first real dinner in a group since you’ve been here and you were a bit nervous about that.

“I’ll see you later?” He asked, you noticed the tension in his shoulders.

“Yeah, see you tonight.” You didn’t wait for his response before shutting your door and leaning against it, your head hitting the wood with a soft thud.

You kind of just spent the next few hours in a daze, you got dressed in comfy clothes and grabbed your book before heading outside to the balcony to read some, you came back in to browse the internet some more, watched Netflix, trying to catch up on the stuff you’d missed, all while never leaving yourself to your thoughts too much.

Before you knew it it was 5:45, so you stripped yourself of the comfy clothing and decided to wear jeans and plain t shirt. Once you felt satisfied with your outfit, you went to the bathroom and decided to put on a bit of make-up an left your hair alone, it air dried to be a little wavy, you were okay with it. With a small shrug, you decided to head to the common area, this was going to be interesting.

When you opened the door Bucky was there, only this time he was leaning on the wall across from your door, facing you.

He seemed more like his typical self now but he sent you a barely there smile, that mixed with his steel gaze had you swooning. You noticed his hair was in a low bun, kind of wet like he had a quick shower before heading to your room. He wore a plain black t shirt, low slung dark wash jeans with some brown boots. He looked incredible, you wished you would have dressed a little better now.

“Whatcha doing here, Bucky?” You smiled at him before closing the door behind you.

“I invited you to dinner didn’t I? What kind of gentleman would I be if you just met you there?”

You weren’t sure what to say so you just smiled back at him, gesturing that he lead the way. What would he have done if you didn’t head that way until later, it was right at 6. How long had he been waiting for you, or how long was he willing to wait? He confused you to no end.

“Ladies first, doll.” Bucky pushed himself from the wall and signaled you to go ahead of him.

Your stupid heart had to speed up at the fact he called you doll, your brain tried saying ‘It’s probably just something he says to females’, but your treacherous heart still thrummed harder in your chest. You squeaked out something that sounded kind of like “K’, before heading down the hallway. Only a couple steps towards the common room and Bucky was beside you, his long legs making it easy to catch up with you.

He wasn’t sure why he decided to come back down and wait on her for dinner, part of him felt pathetic but she seemed to enjoy the fact that he was there waiting. He felt some weird pull to her and it seemed like the best thing to do, considering he clearly upset her just earlier today. He knew that she had said it was fine, but the response to him calling her some girl had him even more curious about her. What happened that would make her say they aren’t that different? He tried to ask Steve about it after the ear chewing he got from him once Y/N stormed out but of course Steve wouldn’t tell. Steve just told him that you’d only been here for two weeks top and ‘That’s her business Buck, if she wants you to know, she’ll tell you.’ He was half tempted to go find your file and read through it, just so he could know, but that felt like an invasion of privacy and Bucky wasn’t going to do that to her.

“So you’re Steve’s best friend, huh?” Your question interrupted Bucky’s thoughts, but he quickly recovered.

“Uh yeah something like that.” Bucky gave you a nervous smile, were you small talking with him?

“That’s cool, I think it’s great that you two have each other. Steve’s been nothing but nice to me since I got here.”

“That’s Steve for ya.” Bucky wasn’t used to anyone else calling Steve by his first name, normally it was Cap or Captain. He actually couldn’t remember the last time someone else called Steve by his name.

“Why don’t you call him Cap like the others?” Bucky was genuinely curious.

You gave him a big smile, “I don’t know really, guess it never really crossed my mind. After well… everything that happened. How I ended up here and everything, the beginning wasn’t easy. Steve was there for me the whole time and I think someone like that deserves to be a person before anything else, I guess. Calling him Cap seems impersonal to me.” You shrugged, unsure if you even made any sense.

“Why do you go by Bucky? I read that your name is James?” Now it was Bucky’s turn to smile big at you.

“You been doing research on me, doll?” Your feet stopped moving and your mouth fell open, why did you have to ask that question?

“Not really, well I mean kind of, but like not just you. I mean I did look you up specifically but I looked up everyone. Oh god I sound like a stalker.” You cradled your face in your hands from the embarrassment.

Bucky laughed at your reaction, this had to been the most he had smiled and laughed in a long time.

“When I got here I just didn’t know who anyone was, so I ‘Googled’ everyone, cause I might be the only person on the planet who didn’t know who The Avengers were.” You gave him a smile that didn’t quite meet your eyes, and Bucky felt a little bad for pressing.

“You’re speaking to someone who missed out on more than just a few decades worth of stuff, I’ve done my fair share of searching the internet too.” You felt a little better at his admission and also a bit worse, knowing that what he went through must have been actual hell.

But before anything else could be said you were at the common room, there were people bustling around, your gaze drifted along the room seeing Sam, Tony and Steve talking while sitting on the couch. Natasha was talking to Clint in the kitchen, you both nodded at each other, a knowing nod.

More food than you thought even these super heroes needed sat on a long table between the couches, the long table hadn’t been there before. On the smaller couch to the left you saw Vision talking to Wanda, and her eyes immediately felt yours on her, she gave you a smile and a small wave that you returned, ever grateful to her.

“Y/N, this Wanda.” Steve spoke to you softly, knowing you wouldn’t respond but he didn’t want to just leave you in the blue.

You were currently strapped to a table in a foreign place, your brain was foggy and you weren’t sure how you even ended up here.

“This isn’t going to hurt, alright? I’m just going to try and help situate your memories some.” It was Wanda speaking now, you could hear her but what was she talking about?

The next thing you felt was warmth through your body, but at the same time you felt pain, sadness, the feeling of something not being quite right. You let out a loud gasp and the fog over you cleared. Your eyes were frantic, full of memories of your past life. You weren’t sure what was real and what wasn’t, it was all too much for you.

“Where am I? What’s happening?” Your voice was broken.

“Hey, listen to me I’m Steve, Steve Rogers. You’re going to be okay now, this here is Wanda.” He gestured to her and your eyes met hers and she looked tired, Wanda knew that getting through your mind was going to be a challenge but it didn’t stop the fatigue she felt.

“It make take just a little while but I promise you, you’ll be back to normal in no time.” Steve’s voice was so sure, you believed him even in your scared mindset, you decided to believe in Steve Rogers.

“Y/N! Bucky! There you both are.” You were brought out of the memory by Steve’s voice.

“Come, eat, drink, be merry! We got Chinese.” Tony spoke as he stood and smiled before holding his arms out gesturing out to the food.

You let out a laugh, “Does this happen a lot?” You squinted at Bucky.

“All the time.” He smiled back at you, his eyes lingering on yours a moment too long.

Your knees weakened but you quickly recovered and responded to Tony, “Thank you sir, I’m starving!”

Read part 3 here

TAGS: @waywardbaby @mannls @msruchita @just-trying-to-survive-marvel @airixaram @lexie10123 @bucky-to-my-barnes

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[beingmyownhxro]

tagged by: @alexdanvers-rp​, thank you! ^-^ tagging: @leadershiipskills​ / @fossilis​​, @marsdin​, @i-am-diana-of-themyscira​, @emblemofxfeminism​, and anyone else who wants to~ RULES:  answer the questions & tag some blogs you wanna get to know better !

A  -  AGE:  22 B  -  BIRTHPLACE:   US C  -  CURRENT TIME:  1:04am D  -  DRINK YOU HAD LAST:  pepsi E  -  EASIEST PERSON ( OR PEOPLE ) TO TALK TO:  offline i don’t really have a “can tell them anything” person at this time. online there are and ofc here’s where i get super duper shy since they’ll actually see this. but I have a really easy time talking to ashleigh, elysian, ren, sam, robin, and val. i really love this rp community everyone is so nice ; w; F  -  FAVORITE SONG:  i’m having trouble deciding, but i think i’m gonna go with demi lovato’s “let it go.” (the other contenders are idina menzel’s “let it go” and “libérée, délivrée” [movie version] by anaïs delva YES THAT’S LET IT GO IN FRENCH DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT) G  -  GROSSEST MEMORY:  it’s really fricking gross so i’m gonna put it under a cut at the end to save those of you who understandably do not want to see it. it’s from when i was working in the care field and involves a lot of feces. H  -  HORROR YES OR HORROR NO:  horror no. I  -    IN LOVE?:  does my crush on katie mcgrath count lol J  -  JEALOUS OF PEOPLE:  occasionally i get a little bit jealous of my sister, who’s always gotten really spoiled since she’s the baby. sometimes she gets jealous of me too since i’ve always been given more independence, so it’s just normal sibling stuff. K  -  KILLED SOMEONE:  do bugs count L  -  LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT OR SHOULD I WALK BACK BY AGAIN?: i think you can get a crush on someone right away, but i don’t think it’s LOVE when you know nothing about them. M  -  MIDDLE NAME:  rose N  -  NUMBER OF SIBLINGS:  1 O  -  ONE WISH:  i really really really wanna be a good therapist. P  -  PERSON YOU CALLED LAST:  my mom Q  -  QUESTION YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKED:  it’s not exactly one consistent question, but people regularly mistake me for 14. like when i ask about jobs in person and the person tells me i need to be at least 16 to work there. or when i saw atomic blonde yesterday (r-rated so 17+) and the ticket cashier looked skeptically at my ID for like a solid minute searching for signs that it was fake. and i say 14 specifically because i’ve been told multiple times “you look like you’re 14″ or had my coworkers asked “is she old enough to work here she looks 14.” R  -  REASON TO SMILE:  lena and my awesome threads and friends on here. :> S  -  SONG YOU SANG LAST:  “happy” by marina and the diamonds T  -  TOP 3 FICTIONAL CHARACTERS:  elsa from frozen, lena luthor, and maria torres from trama team U  -  UNDERWEAR COLOR:  ummm white with pandas on it V  -  VACATION:  my trip there was a research project more than a vacation (though i still got to do tons of fun stuff), so i hope someday i can go back to japan as a proper vacation. and i wanna go to disney world sometime. definitely disney world. W -  WHEN’S YOUR BIRTHDAY:  december 17 X  -  XRAYS:  i got a ct scan a few years ago as they were trying to figure out what was causing the sudden horrid pain in my side/back. that was “fun.” it wasn’t anything serious though. (though i had 3 separate men ask me if i was sure it wasn’t period cramps like jfc) Y  -  YOUR FAVORITE FOOD:  it’s a family recipe so nobody’s gonna know what i’m talking about lol. i guess the closest thing to it would be lasagna. it’s made in a casserole dish, and the top layer is ground beef mixed with tomato sauce, then cream cheese + sour cream + cottage cheese + green onion mixed, then egg noodles on the bottom, put in the oven for an hour at 350 F. but we almost never have it because there are so many steps and it makes so many dishes to wash. Z  -  ZODIAC SIGN:  sagittarius

okay my grossest story under the cut, as promised. you’ve been warned.

so this was at my old job, like i said. it involves one of the residents, who was occasionally incontinent (both types -- but it normally wasn’t an issue as she wore adult diapers) to begin with, getting a stomach bug and having diarrhea. she was also blind, so while she was mobile, she wasn’t able to see to clean things up. and her developmental disability was such that she didn’t have a very clear understanding of a lot of things. so you can already guess how fun this day was.

it started off with me doing all her laundry and cleaning the carpet of her bedroom. which wasn’t that bad. but then my coworker, who didn’t clean a single thing in that entire time, decided that this woman really needed to take a bath.           now, quick context. this woman, as i said, was incontinent sometimes to begin with. there had been an incident a couple of weeks ago where as she was taking a bath -- which she can do unassisted except for washing her hair (which she could probably do except she won’t, but she lets us) -- she had a bowel accident during her bath. and proceeded to continue with the bath as though nothing had happened. that wasn’t during one of my shifts so i don’t know why, but yeah, so that happened.          i told my coworker that it was a bad idea -- i thought we were going to have an even more horrid repeat of that incident. she said that no, the woman needed a bath, and i said, more emphatically, “if she tries to take a bath, she’s probably going to have an accident.” the woman tended to take long baths and on this day was having diarrhea bowel movements pretty often. my coworker insisted it would be fine and the woman really needed a bath. now the thing is, someone like my coworker or i could easily get out of the bath and to the toilet if that were us. but it was hard for the woman to get in and out of the tub and to find the toilet to begin with, and add to that the other factors......

sure enough, some time later i hear the woman calling for me from the bathroom. now, thank god she didn’t have an accident while she was in the tub, but she had one as soon as she got out. she felt super bad about it but obviously it wasn’t like she could help it. she said she needed help to get out of the bathroom because she didn’t want to step in it. so i helped her out and to her room and to get dressed, gave her some water, and she went back to sleep. the bathroom was shared with another woman, so i let that woman know that i needed to clean the bathroom and it might take a while so if she needed to use the bathroom she should use the other one. with that, i grabbed a roll of paper towel and cleaning supplies (incl rubber gloves obviously, and a trash bag) and went to see the extent of the damage and get cleaning. to be clear, my coworker did not help me at all. or even offer to help. or even bring me more paper towel when i asked mid-cleaning.

IT WAS HORRIBLE. the next paragraph will continue with the story, so stop reading this paragraph if you don’t want the details. for starters, it was more yellow than brown. actually it was roughly the color of puke. i have somewhat of a phobia of puke, so that was super fun. it was also liquid. i mean LIQUID. it clearly had fallen where she had been standing and splattered into an enormous puddle. virtually the entire surface of the floor was covered. it was on the cupboard under the sink. it was on the bathtub. it was on the wall. it was on the toilet paper. it was on the toilet seat. utterly nightmarish.

but the cleaning needed to be done. i put on some music from my phone -- normally my coworker plays her stuff on the radio and i don’t play my own stuff, but i was like, y’know what i’m cleaning this up by myself she can deal with my demi lovato playlist -- didn’t breathe through my nose, and tried not to think about it too much. i just held on to the fact that i was doing this to help the residents who depended on me and the other staff to take care of them, and hey at least it wasn’t vomit.

i’m a fast worker, especially at cleaning. it took me two hours.

bonus points that the other residents kept like asking me stuff and trying to talk to me while i was doing that cleaning??? which is fine normally -- they’re the first priority, so if i’m doing the dishes or something else that can wait, i didn’t mind pausing to talk to them; some of them have trouble understanding that if we’re in the middle of something and can’t talk at that time, we’re not ignoring them, so i tried to make the time when i could. but uh, this was a special set of circumstances. now you’d think my coworker could’ve handled those things, but no, she was busy playing candy crush or something on her phone.

the real kicker is that after i got done, my coworker left early for no reason (not for the first time) and had left everything from dinner on the table and counters, and told me like 5 other things that needed to be done by the end of my shift. i spent the time between then and my next shift trying to convince myself not to quit until i found a new job -- i’d already been looking for new jobs anyway. but guess what? my supervisor was there and chewed me out because my coworker told her that I made HER do all the work. because my coworker had to make dinner by herself. i hadn’t been going to tattle to our supervisor but since my coworker did that i flat out told my supervisor that she had made dinner alone because i was spending two hours cleaning up diarrhea in the bathroom by myself, and that every single bit of the diarrhea messes all shift i had cleaned up by myself with no help from my coworker.

my supervisor didn’t care and continued to scold me. i handed in my two weeks’ notice the next day. that was too much.

yes, i’m still hella pissed about that.

[checkyesifulikeme]

this is just me being emo over my boyfriend because a month or so ago we decided today’s our one year and i Love him so you don’t need to read this like at all but if you want to....b my guest! 

i never in 1 million years thought i would meet someone like dorian. NEVER. never never never. listen. the ~year or so before we met was my first time being single and feeling completely okay. feeling happier than i’d ever felt before just exploring my interests and making new friends and doing new things, i’ll always cherish that time because i really feel like that’s when i began to know me as i am today. i always felt so detached from who i was growing up. i never made many friends, throughout middle school i was almost completely alone save for my online friends who i love with my whole heart and am still friends with almost a decade later like.........what. but anyways i was so alone and feverishly rejected every aspect of myself that i felt made me so alone. i was too quiet, too shy, too anxious, too sad, too ugly, too hairy, not smart enough, not funny enough. i’ve criticized myself like this from as early as i can remember. on my 5th birthday i walked away from the little area in the park we’d cleared for my party and played alone by my favorite tree, probably pretending to be a jungle cat or something like that. only within the past couple of years did i realize that all of these things ‘hindering’ me are not actually hindering me at all. the only thing hindering me is my repetitive thoughts of “don’t be like this. you are *insert negative thing here* because you are like this. be like them. be like anything Other. just stop doing what You are doing.” and for a very long time i didn’t realize how damaging this was. i always looked up to my father as a child, like he could do no wrong to me i loved him so very much. but he used to be colder than he is now (he’s softened a bit w age/being w a pisces woman for 10+ years) so he had a very deadpan sense of humor and sometimes made remarks that dug deeper than i think he knew into my soft skin. my dad was never abusive, moreso just disconnected in a way many men are, i think. insensitive is a good word. and i’ve always been hypersensitive yet longed so deeply to be exactly like my father. calloused, but funny. able to pick up and play any instrument i wanted to. good at math. all of that! he built his own bass guitar. i think some of my intense obsession with self critique stems from that idealization of a semi-callous man from a very young age. i’ve always been deeply sensitive and easily bruised but i pretend not to be. i downplay my pain. i downplay my scars. i laugh while i tell stories of being blind-sided by my best friend all while i have a symbol of our friendship inked into the back of my arm (no i don’t regret it). i sat alone with the thought of my mother going to prison. i downplayed my pain. my ex cracked a joke about being my “new mom.” i went home and cried for hours.

but anyways. i’m so off track i really didn’t mean for this to turn into my life story but i have always been super self reflective as i said before. but ANYWAYS. dorian and i began talking after that year or so of being alone. i went from an abusive relationship i’d been in from ages 15-17 to dating an alcoholic 4 years my senior to dating his co-worker who i secretly couldn’t stand. and then i was alone and i was happy and i felt like Me for the first time since i was 15 years old. i was done running from sitting with myself. after said year went by i decided i wanted to say fuck it and just talk to some boys i thought were cute cause i knew i had it like that and was like let’s just be a silly lil ho! but that shit is hard first of all idk why boys do That like i was exhausted from it all bitch it wasn’t even fun. but anyways one of the boys was my Now bf dorian and i thought he was the biggest fuckboy like he exhibited prime fuckboy behavior. before that we’d followed each other for like over a year on twitter and i’d curved him twice so i didn’t rly want to DM him (i thought it would look suspicious of me or something) so instead i found his insta and followed it and played the Waiting game and it worked! we started talking and basically we had like the worst compatibility ever over text imo so i wasn’t that into it but he was cute as h*ll to me so i said fuq it baby! we ended up meeting a few weeks later when i drove 2ish hours up to his city with my then best friend to go to a *** *** concert (i will not expose who this is LMAO) so we had like. 30 minutes to meet beforehand and he was highhhhhhhh off his ass when he rounded the corner of the cafe we were meeting at bitch was toasted bitch was fried out his mind i’m telling U..and the entire time he just flamed my shit. and i literally could not tell for the life of me if he liked me or if he was just saying fuck it and doing whatever. oh also i bought him baby pink nail polish as a surprise because he’d mentioned missing having pink nails but he ran out of his polish so i was like ! on the drive up and stopped at a target to find him one (pretty big move for me TBH i’m so shy about people enjoying their gifts especially a STRANGER like..). but he liked it and i was happy. then that night we were texting once i got back to my city and we teased each other a lot but then the teasing turned into making actual solid plans for him to come stay at my house for a couple of days. i was extremely nervous as you can imagine like i’m a Woman and he’s a Strange Man from another City coming to stay in my Home but my crackhead ass did it anyways and i didn’t die and this all has a happy ending so! that’s good. great even. but yes he came down and stayed the night. the next morning while we were getting breakfast and talking was when i realized oh damn i might actually,,really like him? the night before i’d just felt sorta on edge and paranoid because i have a lot of #trama and don’t trust my own judgement very well due to prior abuse so i was just extremely on guard but my walls came down a tiny tiny bit the next day. we agreed on almost everything and liked a lot of the same stuff, like every other sentence was “me too!” to the point that i thought he was fucking w me just to impress me or something/i was worried he thought i was doing the same. we drove back up to his city that night w a friend of mine to go to Another concert (lana del rey, i’ll expose this one) and i just remember having this feeling deep in my chest. not even butterflies. like when you stick a marshmallow on a branch and shove it into the flames of a campfire and the fluff bubbles and pops and drips the coal below, coating it in a sticky hot glaze. that’s how my heart felt. i listened to the shadows by peter & kerry and chanel by frank ocean and passion fruit by drake (lmfao) and felt like a marshmallow perpetually engulfed in flames. i felt so happy i could cry. i felt a little scared too but mostly happy. that’s also something i’ve read before that always stuck with me. something to do with when you meet the right person it’s not supposed to feel like an excited delirious fit of insects in your belly it’s supposed to feel calm and warm and comforting. and that’s kind of how it felt. i don’t know if that’s a 100% worldly truth because i don’t believe there is ever any one right way of Experiencing anything but i just remember thinking about that quote sometimes and being like “huh.” 

after that initial feeling of falling in love it just kept going. we saw each other for 2ish days every week from then on, until he evntually moved down here at the beginning of august. we’d only been dating for 6 months but a combination of unexpected situations just sorta pushed things along rather quickly. but i wasn’t nervous. which was strange because both of my longer term relationships got a bit rocky around discussing our futures together. i always claimed to dislike thinking too far ahead but in reality i disliked thinking about being tied to said people in said way. but with dorian i just felt joy. we stopped at ikea “just to look” on the way down and bought a vegetable knife, a cat bed for winnie and wesley,  a collapsible tunnel they never played in, 2 giant asymmetrical mauve plates, tupperware with yellow lids and lots of other miscellaneous stuff we didn’t really need nor did we have the money for.

as hard as 2018 was for me i would never reverse a second of it. not for anything in the entire world. i slowly lost all of my high school friends. i slowly lost my mind a little bit too. but he stuck with me through every bit of it. i can’t even begin to get into every wild ass thing that went down throughout the past year but we stood together through it all and that feels so fucking good. i sat on the phone before we lived together and listened to him cry because the world is too cold and i cried with him because i was freezing. he picked me up and carried me home when i ran out of the house crying so hard my head was spinning and i couldn’t see past my tears after the end of one of my longest friendships. a man stared at us from across the street and i sobbed until i couldn’t breathe. 

we’re not perfect people and sure anything could happen. we could break up tomorrow. sure. believe me i know that anything can happen. like i said earlier, i have a sizeable matching tattoo with an ex best friend who i essentially thought i’d end up buried next to. but like i said earlier, no, i don’t regret it. and i would never regret love like this. but i also don’t think i will have to. never have i met someone who wants to understand me so fully. who loves me so unconditionally. who gave me the time to open up and decipher my thoughts and feelings and didn’t get tired of it. who helped me to realize that it isn’t me not functioning like ‘every one else’ that’s the problem, it was the self hatred bred from me believing that in the first place. acceptance. he accepted me as i was and i accepted him as he was. i remember saying i felt like i needed someone like me when it came to relationships. growing up i was very drawn to “opposites attract!” and sayings like that, most likely because of my self deprecating disposition, but after the end of my second relationship i knew i was wrong. my whole life i have felt misunderstood and disconnected and alone in my head and like the butt of every joke like a punchline on loop. he was the first person to ever really take me out of that. to sit there while i cried and babbled incoherently about how i just couldn’t put the words together to express why i was upset or tell anyone where it hurts. why i was anxious. why i was mad. i remember clearly sitting with him in my old apartment while my ex roommate/best friend was at work and  crying and saying i didn’t know how to ‘say it’ and him explaining back to me everything he’d heard from me so far and his interpretation and i cried and cried and cried and i felt seen for maybe the first time in my entire life. i don’t know what’s in me to make me feel so incredibly separate, and to in turn isolate myself out of this immensely penetrating sense of isolation, but he was the first to extend a hand and actually mean it. i’ve been too many people’s empty shell of a girl to project everything they wanted to see onto. it’s easy to do that with someone who rejects themselves because what is there to lose if you’re not afraid to lose it? i wasn’t perfectly healed when we met, i will never be ‘perfectly’ healed. he was not either and i do not expect him to be. i’m only 20 so really what do i know about life at all. nothing lmao. but i know that dorian is my fucking rock. and i’m his fucking rock. and if i asked him if he wanted to move to another city tomorrow and build a house out of rocks we collected on the drive there he would say yes. and i know i’ve never felt afraid with him. i know i’ve never felt demeaned or belittled or laughed at. i know we play like teething puppies who roll around and bite at one another but are always having fun and if one of us goes too far the play immediately stops and we lick each other in apologies and forgiveness and start our play again. i know we can say ‘i’m sorry’ without the slightest bit of hesitation or resentment because what’s the point of meaningless pride in all of this. don’t we hate that shit anyways? i know i stopped off the freeway and chased a dog with you and both of our best friends at the time a mile or so down the road but he just kept running farther and farther away until we eventually gave up on catching him. i know after that we drove back to my city holding hands and listening to the playlist i made you while we drove 80 mph through the inky black desert. i know i glanced over at you mouthing all of the words to a few of the songs. this is one of my favorite memories. the beginning of our love in it’s most raw form, to me at least. i know we texted each other paragraphs and you couldn’t pay me to take me away from those conversations. i know the entanglement of my volatile emotions and pride gets in the way of things sometimes but i also know when to cut it because that shit’s stupid anyways. i know our composite chart has our moon, mercury and venus in the 7th house and that made me smile because the girl on twitter who read sza’s chart said that was a favorable aspect for marriage. i know that i don’t really believe in marriage but i wouldn’t mind celebrating our love and making the playlist for the wedding and probably getting mad over people talking over “this part!” i know that you’ve never once discouraged me or limited me. i know that we’ve been through things together that would cause most to trip and break a bone or two, at least. but not once have i questioned my love for you. i’ve said doubtful things once or twice, but please understand and believe me when i say that it was only out of habit. isolation. i push back when things hurt. it’s easy for me to leap to worst case scenario in the blink of an eye. my formative teenage years were spent with someone who yelled at me and guilt tripped me and demanded and demeaned and demanded and demeaned and when i left for the second time they didn’t demand anything from me that time. it was a couple of hours later when i got a call from my mother telling me they’d attempted suicide immediately after leaving my house. i felt as collapsible as the tunnel our cats never used. everything i was afraid of came true. i’ve lived in fear for a very long time. you’re the first person to show me there is nothing to be afraid of and to love me with no strings attached. you just wanted to understand me as much as i wanted to understand you. you made me feel wanted, but after i’d began wanting myself, too. i’m just happy we met when we did, and i hope you are too. we’re both damaged in different places but maybe the damage only allows for more love to leak out and accumulate in our bloodstreams- just in different ways than we expected. i love you dorian. and i can’t end things i just ramble and connect and ramble and connect until i stop somewhere suddenly. i just love you i love you i love you i love you i love you. i know that i saw angel numbers before we ever met and that angel number turned out to be my life path number (which i found out about a year later). 333. 333. 333. 333. i know if you add 1 to either digit of my birthday you get your birthday (17 & 28). i know we both loved my chemical romance and fetty wap when we were younger. i know your moon is my sun and your rising is my moon and in some strange way that correlates to you telling the same jokes i’m thinking but don’t always have the energy or will to say. i know that i played you a song off the playlist i made for you before i told you it was made for you and you knew it and had sampled it previously and i thought you were fucking with me because it’s not a very well known song. i know that you texted me telling me you found the song and scrapped it and rewrote and recorded it for me and named it after the color of my nails. i know that you are everything i’ve ever wanted in love but could never put into words much like everything else i’ve felt deeply in this life. i know you don’t rush me at thrift stores because you like them as much as i do. i know you and you know me and that’s all i’ve ever wanted. i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you. 

--

The Shadows / Peter & Kerry

Relax my hands on the table Uncurl my fingers to reveal superficial indentations Crescent moon shapes mark the surface of my palms It's twilight: your shadows lurking over again Your shadows lurking over again Try to hinder foolish pride From shooting out my mouth like a gust of wind And blowing out your light All I want is you to shine And I'll wait here with you until sunrise I'll wait here with you until sunrise I'll wait here with you until sunrise I'll wait here with you until sunrise I am blinded by your light Your dark shadows always lurking behind you I am blinded by your light Your dark shadows always lurking behind you And I'll wait here with you until sunrise

[gleeandshame]

Love Victor 2x01 Semi-liveblogging

Okay I have feelings and no irl friends who watch so, spoilers under the cut

I said in a separate post already but Justice for Mia (just love and support and happiness, i don't want victor with her obvi)

Infidelity is a storyline I dislike, so you know.

We Love Pilar ( I don't think anyone did this for me )

Decide It (Yike)

It always pains me when there's the surprise actually this person is more homophobic and not chill

I mean it's not unrealistic but...

that queer trama, yo

I mean, arm pat is pretty good...

My parents said awkward stuff about my gay cuz when I came out, just that well, we already had to accept him :V

Victor, Mia is Using Her Phone, although she probably doesn't want to talk to you, so fair I guess

Gay Smiling at your BF, I'm weak

Mia being away for summer camp does make me feel better about the Four of Them being a group without her. Though I'm sure later it's big awks

Hos before Homos Is a Little Yikes. Unless you wanna come out Lake. Still a little Yikes but

what's pollo guisado, can i have some

Ah, a Puerto Rican chicken stew... I would like some. Now I feel like I should check out more restaurants

the only Latin food we have usually is Mexican and Southwest, Mexican American...

NO, I hope he did not invite everyone tonight already...

You Need advanced notice

Oh wait, what did they tell the child?

I do not remember his name it's been over a year I think. Okay it was one Year, But I think Pandemic Memory we can give a pass

Oh I need to pause, I'm attracted to Mia's step mom. I mean who isn't

"We packed out bunks early so we decided to drive home today" she delivered this so cute and awkward, I"m. I love Mia and her actress

It's not fine Mia, the sadness, the feeling of being replaced, I'm

Mmmm, I don't think Jumanji is problematic, it was actual quite fun, but then again maybe ppl just have issues with bodyswap in general then.......

Also yes I first thought of the Robin William's OG one

PS5 or a Puppy? Also did they say the boy's name yet... don't think so.

I think screenwriters should throw a bone to ppl at least first couple eps back

Benji a shorty. Haha.

Yes I've always been the shorter one in a "couple" shut up (I put quotes since I've not officially officially dated anyone)

I feel like she's gonna make it too spicy... I hope that's just it.

NO, Ms. Salazar you Are Unreasonable, you are not gonna waste all that hard work and good food. I'm Feral!

I'm also maybe hungry but

The close of the lid because that garbage closes too slowly naturally. Dramatic. Realistic. Actually real issue filming probably.

Lake, I've got to quickly take this call. Outside. Away from here.

LOLOLOL

they dropped queens before peens in the trailer so, I didn't laugh, would I.... I can't say! I just don't have the context

Humor is all about unexpected for me, and timing so like

Lake, you should have ditched them... well... idk. You know

I Love Chips - good effort Benji

This is Painful, do I have to watch these children try to Hype Benji while Isabel(?) Ms. mom avoids it, I...

Acid Reflux, You gonna say that to a boy who lightly grasped your sons arm? Hate This

Oh my gosh that Heather the Turtle, I already miss you half the time, line was tragic

Dang Mijo. Yes, My child because I am to scared to look up his name for fear of spoilers.

oh Adrian, literally right after I unpaused.

I am very slow at watching shows when I liveblog

Is it Andrew? Yeah. Ah. He got a gf... remember that from the trailer now.

I hope Mia finds herself

I'm scared for when I finally bring someone around my family :')

Which i mean..... Idk. It's hard okay! I'm not gonna get into it right now

Oh the Adrian question answered. Yeah sounds like a homophobic mom move

I haven't told any of my younger relatives... well.. haven't really told any extended fam either so

I don't think Victor is pissed off. I think he's sad

Benji. I know you mean well but it can't just be You and Your Boy and no one else matters, wish it were so easy

if mia walks away without saying hey, I'm gonna scream, altho it's first ep, so she probably will

She feels so out of everything, and I hate that :(

what is this male indie cover of mmmwatcha say. I know i can't think of the title. Hide and Seek.

I'm sad

No you did not just drive two hours for nothing. Your shrimp lo mein is so cold now, and for what :(((

It's fair tho, I'm just sad

AOC bobble? I"m dying. Lol.

Is there a summer rush? I guess they're not a college town, so perhaps there is

Felix's mom needs the money I know it :(

Proud of you Victor

Good ep back, But Please Good Things for Mia soon?

[blind-band-geek]

Beep beep I’ve got aus too sis :0

First an Au me and @untitled5071 talk about every so often, so Barbara is the goddess of nature and family and Adam is a mortal blacksmith and they eventually fall in love. They hang out like allllll the time and when Barbara can’t see him she’ll just manifest some flowers by him so he knows she’s thinking of him. And he’ll go to her temple and offer her things and when she comes home later that day she’ll just be wearing whatever he left her. And after a wile they come across a goddess of death (Lydia) who they eventually take in as their own. And if y’all want sm angst, after many years Barbara notices that Adam had fallen extremely ill and pleades to the higher ups to either heal him/spare him or let him become immortal. And after a few weeks of fighting they finally allow it. Do they just live happy as a little god family.

Band Au! (One of my personal favs!)

Barbara and Adam are both seniors in their marching band. Barbara is color gaurd Captain and Adam is drum major. And their like THE power couple. They both help each other with things like carrying equipment or planning out drill sheets stuff like that. They always are together and are almost always together in the stands or they share the same bus seat. Barbara usually always has her bag packed with random things, random yet useful. Like she always has a blanket for her and Adam when it gets cold in the stands. Also 10/10 she steals his jackets if she dosent have her own. They always try to teach each other what they do so some times Adam will teach her how to conduct and Barbara has tried to teach him simple flag stuff and he fails absolutely miserably.

Now for the headcannons

-Barbara worked as a preschool teacher for special ed kids. Though when she took maternity leave she never ended up coming back. They later found out that it was because she died.

-Barbara’s got sm scent things in the house but probably had to cut back due to it giving Adam a head ache.

-all of their children stuff is locked away in a room and when the Deetzs came Barbara was extremely defensive over the room but eventually they did get into it.

-Barbara’s very heavy into music where it usually can help keep her mood fluctuations in check.

-ADAM ALSO LIKES WALL-E!!! Space? Cute robots? He cried absolutely. Also they probably contemplated about naming their child something Disney related.(I mean lmao I was 🤷‍♀️)

-Barbara’s really good at baking! She had a little home shop that Friends would come around and get cakes and stuff from her. She still did this when she was pregnant (even though Adam told her she should probably take it easy). She tried to teach Adam to bake but he’s still very bad at it. She’s still proud of him tho.

-Adam tried to surprise her on her birthday with dinner one but when Barbara came home from work he almost burnt down the house trying to make pasta because he got distracted.

-the interior of the house changes constantly to fit what ever aesthetic Barbara’s currently into. Yes it was a hippie disaster at one point, which was Barbara’s favorite.

-One of Barbara’s favorite forms of expression is her nails she’s got a favorite color for every season.

-Adam is deathly afraid of contacts. Barbara has told him to get a pair but he actually poked his eye bad once in 10th grade and has refused to get some ever since

-Adam can not swallow a pill to save his life but Barbara can take like 3 on the spot, and Adam is kinda sacred of her for that

-Adam is the “I’m having a bad day can I talk to you about it?” Type wile Barbara is the “ill keep all my trama down here and one day I’ll DIE”

-Barbara also never gives in to saying she’s sick (like a mom) and will always insist she’s fine. Adam has to like pry her to talk about if she’s bothered by something

-also Barbara can speak a little Spanish and will some times call Adam mi amor

Maitlands Headcanons

So Back on my BS, here are some Maitlands headcanons I’ve thought of because I love these dorky parental figures. Once again most of these are what i know about the musical characters and not so much about the movie cause im not as familiar. 

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