#i know the tags are unrelated but what you gonna do? tell me i cant tag stuff?

[lotuseaterwhowistlesinthedark]

I drew myself in the arcane style.

I didn't have toe energy to dray past the face. Thanks for in

Meet krisis and sisirk.

Both of them are on the asshole spectrum and that isn't the only spectrum they are on

[devondespresso]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @museumgiftshoperaser

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

technically 2, but its a sfw and nsfw version of the same fic fhajklfjdalfjk

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

...6,357. i promise i write.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

just stranger things so far, but i have seriously thought about writing about Fender's gender from Robots (2005) and I promised my friend a Shark Tale fic for their birthday fjalhfdjkalfdj

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Never Again

Never Again (sfw)

fascinating statistics arent they

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

never gotten comments on ao3, i do reply to what i get on tumblr tho because it literally makes my day

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

(including my unposted work) Never Again, tho i think its more bittersweet than unrelenting angst

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

tho its technically not finished, We'll Be Alright (Steve Henderson AU) has a very happy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

im gonna say no? despite writing something spicy at the beginning of Never Again it was not a good time (for me or Nancy)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

haven't yet, and while i wont write them off entirely itd have to have really strong potential for me to want to do it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and i dont know how well id go. on the one hand im usually good at group stuff but im also an annoying perfectionist with my writing

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

platonically stobin 100%. i dont get nearly as attatched to the romantic ones so i kinda just bounce around the fandom. Really love a lot of the steve harrington rairpairs floating around, plus robin and vickie

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I dont realllly have a writing wip i know i wont finish cause i've just been posting those vague ideas instead of actually writing them becuase i know i wont. My only active wip is the steve henderson au and im hoping praying to god that i dont suddenly loose passion for it

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue probably, coming up with how different characters are saying things, what theyre saying, what they mean, all the little differences in their voices, I love it. that and having characters interact with the environment

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

overthinking and underthinking, stopping myself from making something happen or a character do something because theres this pull in my chest telling me its wrong. even just standard selfishness or saying something without the express intent of making sure it wont hurt someones feelings. i also start sentences with verbs djaldjdjaf

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

makes sense if characters are speaking multiple languages i guess. depends on pov and how limited it is to the pov character. like if the pov character doesnt speak spanish it'd be better to write "and they said something in spanish they didnt understand" instead of writing the spanish out assuming the audience doesnt know it either

19. First fandom you wrote for?

stranger things

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

definitely my steve henderson au. i wish it was shared already but at the same time i've editied and changed so much im glad i havnt officially yet. its helped me work through a lot and has even caused noticable improvement in my relationship with my family even if they dont know it exists. i cant promise itll be fully posted soon, but i am so exited for when i do

tagging @stobinesque @marvel-ous-m @eriquin @itsthestrangestthings @findafight @fag4dykestobin (no pressure ofc 💕)

[commander-gloryforge]

okay since this has gotten a lot more notes than i would've liked it to get, and while i'm happy to see others feel validated and resonate with this, let my try to clarify things a bit since i dont think i worded this post in a way to really say what i wanted to say.

before i say anything though i want to note that this post was created 1. in the middle of the night when my brain is the meanest and 2. because of general personal issues/fears that i currently face that are unrelated to gw2 but just happened to carry over into my fandom activities

this wasn't meant to be a complainy "weh nobody likes me ocs" kind of post. i have a couple of people that like my ocs and even if they didnt, thats not gonna stop me. its more about struggling to keep up with a fandom very centered around creation when when you dont have the energy to create, and a very personal yearning for finding friends and community, especially since i'm currently in a headspace that makes finding "my people" very hard and very scary. i know there are a bunch of people that like my ocs. i know that because they tell me and i love them and kiss them on the lips also. but sometimes theres still a very somber feeling looming over me.

like yes obviously in a fandom you have to interact to be interacted with, you cant stand in a corner hiding behind a houseplant at a party and then expect someone to drag you onto the dance floor. even if its scary, youll have to talk to people and put yourself out there if you want to get something back.

but i think because this community is so heavy on ocs, art and writing, it'll feel difficult to keep up and really "truly" be a part of it if one "can't" draw/write/edit etc or doesnt share it online or doesnt do it consistently. there's going to be a pressure to create "content" (blarg) in order to keep up and stay "relevant" (blarg²) and "interesting" (blarg³).

this does feel a little isolating at times and one may start to believe that they don't belong or that their characters arent as interesting. that they have to create "proper" stuff in order to keep up with all the fantastic work this community produces. and this is kind of an experience one might have in any community that is heavily focused on ocs.

i'm also aware that there are no "cool kids" (and i probably should've put it in quotes in the original post) or as @hawkepockets said in his reply "there is no inner circle of popular creators & posters that anyone is being denied admission to", but in the end there's still people and/or friendgroups one would see as more known inside the community, people with ocs that everyone kind of knows their name of, that everyone gets excited over when they show up at an event, that are known because their creators put tons of art and posts out about them, that seem to have so many friends and connections to other people and their ocs. and i guess its natural to be like. man wish that were me but i dont have the time/energy/whatever to be that present within my fandom. theres a struggle with finding friends because everyone already seems to be grouped up and especially if its difficult for someone to keep up conversations or socialise, it'll easily feel like one may not be interesting or "cool" enough.

then again i had people reblog this post that i consider to be "popular" or "bigger figures in the fandom" so i suppose that also says something about something. i think.

in the end i didnt even want this to come off as a vent. and while i'm fine with people in the tags airing their feelings out, what i would've liked this to be was a post with maybe a couple of likes and people who don't create as much art or don't appear on everyone's dash a thousand times a day to go "yea! i don't really do much either! lets be besties!". and that did partly work, but on the other hand i also feel like maybe i've worded it too bitchy whiny, which wasn't my intention in any way.

my brain is kind of fogging up and i'm forgetting what my point is as i write so i'll wrap this up. i do feel like i did in fact not clear up shit but uh. well yeah. idk.

fellow guild wars 2 enjoyers that arent popular and part of the cool kids and have ocs that everyone knows/loves and create banger fanart and post really good fics and all that

fellow guild wars 2 enjoyers that are just kinda there and kinda average

lets band together. and maybe kiss.

[hella1975]

I'm writing this ask as I read the new update so here, we go.

Initial reaction to the first two paragraphs: Absolutely immaculate. Perfection. Incredible. All the praise. I read the first paragraph and immediately had to take a moment to fully process what it was I'm about to read because I forgot how YOU write. Like 'Oh yeah this is HELLA.' (I've probably read hundreds of books in my life and you're the best author I've ever read). It's like I've been fueling my hunger with the fanfiction equivalent of empty calories since your last update, and I feel like a starved child sitting down at a feast and immediately I had to take a moment to take it all in.

I'm where Bato is in the tent with the book and Hella, let me tell you. I've already been struggling with my sexuality recently and if this makes me even more confused, I swear I'm gonna-

"He could point to these sentences and say look, here, that's where I fit." - That's going to be the part I maim you over. I'm barely into this update and already you're doing this crap. Mind you I'm ace, so I decided I'm projecting onto Kanut.

"Maybe there are types of love you can't access." AAAHH. The way you talked about this is so perfect, I can't with you.

I love Sokka and Zuko and the way you write them. It's so incredible.

Bato you menace

It's good to know that Bato ships Tomnook.

I don't usually like Bato. Not in the show, not in the other fics, but I absolutely love him in taob.

Tomnook you menaces

"If a flower was enough to rob a man of his strength, then perhaps he wasn't so strong to begin with." Love that, 10/10, using that on my sexist relatives one day.

WERE GETTING SOME KANUT AND ZUKO SCENES THIS IS NOT A DRILL- I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL (I love those two so much)

It was shortlived, nvm

ITS HAPPENING AGAIN AND APPAS THERE TOO

AAHAHAHAHH THATS TOO PERFECT HELLLA I HATE YOU SM WHY DO YOU DO THIS WHAT THE FFFFFF

"Needed to vent, you're a fantastic listener." Kanut you king

Hella that was absolutely beautiful. You deserve all the kudos all the fame jk rowlings career all of it. Sexuality is such a touchy subject and you handled it completely perfectly. I can't put into words how perfect that last scene was, I love that old healer.

You are genuinely the best writer I have ever seen and you are incredible at writing everything everyone else does a crap job at and I admire you so much and I aspire to write something this incredible.

I dont like commenting on ao3 so I just decided to leave this in your ask box thing :)

❤❤❤

Also, this is the same anon who has a list of their favorite things about you (lists are kind of my thing) and I have something I would like to add onto the list. I'm just going to tag this onto this specific ask because why not. It's also completely unrelated to the rest of this ask.

That is the way you tag things. You're the funniest person I follow and you show that in the way you tag things on here. I think I mentioned you're general chaoticness before, but thats unrelated to how hilarious you are. I can't even put it into words, like why the things you say in tags always make me laugh but they do and yeah.

list anon im literally slow dancing with u we're two slow dancers last ones out im twirling u in my arms i cant do this rn. parts of this ask that knocked me out:

'I've probably read hundreds of books in my life and you're the best author I've ever read' YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THIS TO ME AND EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT

'I love Sokka and Zuko and the way you write them. It's so incredible' okay ive said briefly in the past that im SUPER anxious about every aspect of taob zukka like im hyperaware of it every scene i write of them just bc i feel people have waited so long for it that it's now my job to execute it Perfectly or people will be let down, so every time i get even the smallest compliment about taob zukka i get soooo giddy

'Sexuality is such a touchy subject and you handled it completely perfectly' i cannot stress enough how nervous i was for this chapter like i wanted to do it justice so fucking badly so this is just very <333 yeah

'You are genuinely the best writer I have ever seen and you are incredible at writing everything everyone else does a crap job at and I admire you so much and I aspire to write something this incredible' BARK BARK GROWL HISS BARK GRRRRRRRR

'You're the funniest person I follow' TO THINK THAT WE COULD STAY THE SAME BUT WE'RE TWO SLOW DANCERS LAST ONES OUT-

[bro-strider-hate-blog]

YOUR TAGS ON MY SIS POST??? IMMACULATE

I will include my tags again but only because i cant get enough of myself and not to sound like im tooting my own kazoo but this is the one time in my entire life that ive been objectively correct in every way

Lengthy and unrelated thing under the cut: 

Let me talk about canon bro for a second 😌 even though its barely and tangentially related to this and you dont have to read it <3, in fact i would encourage you not to read it i just wanna run my mouth. People love to use him as a cheap villain in their dave angst fics which is like... hilarious to me. Like i get it, since hes abusive he must also be misogynistic and homophobic and transphobic and also genuinely hates dave and revels in his suffering right? Lmeow no, hes just some guy and despite everything he is in fact trying his best. Hes naturally intense and aggressive and this doesnt translate well to child rearing, especially since his one goal is to make dave strong enough (physically and mentally) to Survive whats coming. The random sneak attacks ? The traps littered around the house ? To keep dave on his toes and buff his spatial awareness. The cameras ? To monitor his progress (if hes not up to standard then we’ll just up the “training”) and / or film some puppet snuff (puff ? Snupp?) so he can keep running his dumb website and like provide for them or some shit , or ig to buy random crap and throw it around the house. Who cares if the kid sees the porn anyway its just puppets, plus hes seen way worse at that age and turned out fine (no he didnt). Dave has to be resourceful , he has to be creative and think on his feet , lets have impromptu rap battles and scrabble games. He has to know numbers like the back of his hand (idk why this is even a phrase do any of you memorise what the back of your hands looks like) to effectively utilise his sylladex.... actually nobody even uses that shit idk why bro was so insistent on it. Dave is his protege, his charge, dave is NOT his friend and hes not gonna let him forget that. He teaches him all he knows, in the way he knows. Making comics, mixing music, ironic jokes, being cool and getting shit done. Actually its GOOD that the kid is terrified of him, if hes the scariest thing in the room then dave wont fear anything else. Lets spar then, if dave wins then hes trained him well. If dave loses then hell become resilient. Either way he has to be strong or else hell die, training is necessary. Its either this or failure and failure equals death. Do your own laundry, ration your own food, become independent as fast as possible because i wont be around to take care of you forever

Nothing bro does is without reason, neither is it “sadism”, its all very logical to him despite being horrific to any sane person because his only friend is the mansplain-manipulate-manspread puppet that raised him and he has awful coping mechanisms that barely stretch past beating himself 1. up 2. off. Like he kept his baby alive to the point where it could keep itself alive (kind of alive) and thats a win to him.

That was my thesis on why bro is not a bigot like ,, he makes porn of fucking smuppets, that gives him zero chance to fetishize The Ladies. I doubt he has porno mags littered around the house its just endless plushie dicks and asses (and the two puppets handcuffed together were legit kinda funny like Why). So why would dave have internalised homophobia if it did not stem from his brother ??? Acting as if his only friends werent exuding anti gay vibes, like christ, john “im not a homosexual” egbert, him and rose’s competitive flirting gag (before they found out they were related >.>), just generally the three of them accusing each other of being gay, yknow, as kids do (jade is exempt from the argument we love jade here). Things were just more homophobic back then and its not like bro and dave had a sincere talk about gender and sexuality in the 13 or so years they lived in the same house like why would you even come out to your younger sibling if you could just not !!! Lol !!! I could be getting all this info wrong lol so correct me if im wrong but bro has this cute comic artstyle and it was about someones charge (? Sibling?) straight up dying and the saw guy makes an appearance the end , like there was no sex or gore or whatever but if you look at sbahj the second page literally has an incest sex joke like where does dave even get his material from , which online sites has he been trawling , well haha its not bros job to monitor his kids search history lets ignore it and move on if the kid wants to be gross and make dumb jokes who is he to judge , spread your problematic wings and soar into the cancel clouds little guy

Anyway heres a disclaimer: if youre gonna clown on this post and tell me im an abuse apologist or some shit just understand that i have a lot of free time and love being a huge asshole when provoked but like youre so welcome to add to the discussion i love bullying my favourite character bro strider by steamrolling him we’ve talked about trans rights for too long now is the time for trans wrongs

[valla-chan]

copying this from my own tags cause actually i want to talk about this on the post after all.

Warning: Long text! feel free to skip!

I feel like having one parent of one kind and one of the other made me this fucking mess that i am now, in a way. It was never explicit or outright but it Never Needed To Be.

I would get harassed for my nails and hair and mannerisms and be made the butt of jokes that i didnt understand by one parent, and then the other would tell me im great the way i am. i guess also there was some kind of ongoing speculation between them as to what my sexuality was?? i do remember that.

It really created this strong, unrelenting feeling that i have a very narrow path to tread before people begin speculating on the different ways that i'm actually somehow fucked up or weird in an unlovable way, but as long as i tread lightly then i can toe the line.

of course, my life has improved since then because they split when i was a preteen (#aayyyy) but it did last long enough to do damage...

(otherwise how else do you explain trying to always "lose people's trail on you", when you feel like theyre onto stuff going on in your head? Trying to maintain the image people have of you, so they dont fall apart at how disgusting you actually are, or instead start drawing uncomfortable connections that will lead to them to that realization anyway? “Finding out”? Finding out what? Who the fuck knows by now! but theyre gonna find me out! and then theyre gonna hate me!)

Results?

For at least a decade and a half everyone has been “Going to Find It Out” about me and i have no fucking clue what that means anymore. because ive already come out and transitioned n shit, and ive been fine for it. that was like my biggest secret for a while. But that feeling of people i care about "finding out" is real enough to keep me from doing anything! (other than hrt cause i woulda literally have offed myself if i had to live even 5 more years as a guy... so thank fuck for the support yknow lol cause otherwise i would have figured out some DIY shit under the table by then. but other, more surface level pursuits still feel off the table, because they are not motivated by literal death if i dont do them in time.)

But its like... the damage is already done.

ive got a supportive family. even the worst of most of them have come around.

But those mental patterns are Mine now. Those thoughts are not theirs to take back anymore.

I have internalized those years of uncomfortable treatment into my own mind and how i work. thats on me now, and im trying to explore and help myself now and its hard.

So make sure to constantly tell your kids that you would love them even if they turned into a fuckin slug. And more importantly, that you accept them and promote them for everything they want to stand for even if you dont agree. Cause MAN, even for maybe not intending to do anything wrong、that shit influenced and ruined every interaction and decision in my life since! Theres no taking that back, even if done on accident through just being a goober parent influenced by current social norms! So imagine doing that level of harm on purpose!

You will create a kid that doesnt have to wonder on the extent of the bounds of how much they will be loved, they will KNOW those bounds. They will feel those bounds in every decision they make and every choice they consider. They will know FOR SURE that they will not be loved for themselves、and that will be on YOU.

and a word of advice, love their potential too... love their choices and their visions and the people they look up to. Cause people change. They are designed to.

you cant just love someone for who they are now and not those other things、or they will be stuck in trying to be that person for life.

And to anyone who reads this who knows me, hi! If this says anything about me as a person, then good! It should!

I think that my mid 20s are going to be some of the most intense self reflection ive had yet, and hopefully that actually goes somewhere unlike how it never does. so forgive, me voices and memories, for becoming someone who i like and who the people i hate don't.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[ssfghfrrggf]

talk to me more about your tag saying something is up w Casey more than just Brett. bc I’ve got Casey as 100% having ptsd and probably depression/anxiety symptoms for like his entire life and I would love for his reaction to the whole sylvie situation not be him just being dumb but maybe having some sort of trauma/depression episode. And I honestly think that would be more in character of him than just fully not having the emotional intelligence to “fight” for sylvie. We’ve seen him outline what he wants in a relationship several times both to Gabby and Hallie and those relationships had their issues but I don’t think you can point to either of them and say Matt had it easy, that he didn’t have to chase or make a move. And to the note of trauma and relationships I think there’s plenty to unpack about dawsey that maybe borders the realm of more than just toxic but even if you don’t go there I think it’s pretty easy to see Matt’s reaction to sylvie bringing up gabby so suddenly as much more than having residual feelings. —literally don’t even bother reading that it just felt to get out lmao

Im kidding 😂 i got time and i have yet to write a Casey essay, so this is long over due, and i'll probably go off on some unrelated tangents.

First and foremost i'll explain what i meant by "there's more up with Matt than just whats going on with Brett." For the most part I can't really put my finger on it. I said this to my wife earlier: it's like the writers are dropping bread crumbs that something's wrong and I'm picking up on them dropping the crumbs but i can't find or place the actual crumbs? And i think that him having depression/anxiety/ptsd isn't really a stretch to say. He definitely has a very down feeling to him and he just seems off to me. He seems like he's feeling old and tired? When he was talking to Gallo at the end of last night's episode he just seemed heavy? Like the way he was talking and acting just made me feel heavy. I think maybe the job is starting to weigh on him more, and i think what Gallo did reminded him of or brought those feelings to the surface. He's lost three firefighters under his command, four if you count Jimmy. Losing any firefighter is detrimental hit, but when they're under your command and you're responsible for them it's that much worse. I think those losses (Andy, What's her name (that one girl candidate who's name i cant remember to save my life), Jimmy (in a way), and Otis) are really weighing on him and Gallo doing what he did made it worse because he's scared Gallo is going to get added to the list. That may be the root of the off feeling i got from him, but it seems like there's more. Idk. It's really hard to explain.

I think what Matt is doing with Brett i think both makes sense for him as a character and i think him giving her space isn't him being emotionally stunted or even being an idiot. I think it's respectful and the right thing to do. Sometimes when people say they need space THEY NEED SPACE and NOT for the person they want space from to keep pressuring them into being together!!! Like yes Matt needs to tell her how he feels, but i don't think he needs to do it right now. They both need to get their ducks in a row before they can be together and be together successfully. And think him not chasing down what he wants and not disregarding the needs and wants that Brett expressed to him actually shows a good bit of emotional maturity and I will die on that hill! The way he's handling himself over it probably isn't the best or healthiest, but the over all decision not to put pressure on Brett and quote not from you "go get his woman" is right.

I honestly find it refreshing. So many times in shows we get the guy who has been turned down being all like "oh, she doesn't know what she wants. But i know what she wants (it's me) so i'm gonna go get her!" So it's nice that we have him respecting what she wants and not trying to push that what he wants is also what's best for her. I'm beating this dead horse to death and i'm sorry but you gave me the perfect opportunity to word vomit all my pent up Matt feelings

On to the next point about this being very in tune with Matt's character. For a long time Matt has thrown himself into things and really shot for what he wanted and it hasn't really worked out for him. Hallie for example: they broke up because she didn't want kids. They got back together then Matt pushed for kids again and they broke up again. Then they got back together and he probably would've ended up pushing for kids again if she hadn't gotten killed. Now the same thing didn't happen with Gabby. And honestly i'm not really gonna go into that one because i don't feel like dealing with a bunch of angry Dawsey shippers, but i'll say this much: that relationship also ended with a lot of heart break for Matt. Like the guy has just had a really stinkin shitty time with serious relationships, and i honestly think it has him just a little bit traumatized. AND CAN WE REALLY BLAME HIM??? It is literally human nature like deep primal instinct to avoid things that hurt us. The stove is hot. You touch the hot stove. The hot stove burns you. You go YIKES! that hurt! Im not gonna touch the hot stove again! I think a similar thing has kind of happened with Matt. He's been hurt by all of his major relationships, and hurt pretty dang bad at that. For him serious relationships have become like a hot stove, and his answer to Brett's question about Gabby was him metaphorically avoiding touching the hot stove. He did a bit of self sabotage because he didn't want to get hurt again and you know fucking what? That's fucking understandable! And okay! Like fucking me too buddy!

Now ironically and honestly sadly he still ended up hurting himself in the process of trying to avoid opening himself up to potential hurt. We know he wants love and family, and it's what he deserves but he's had such a shitty time trying to get that, that i think its going to take a lot of time for him to open himself back up to trying. He also knows that if he were to start something with Sylvie it wouldn't be a fling. They have such a deep personal friendship that there's no way it could be. And he doesn't want it to be either and he doesn't want to be hurt again. So he's taking his time- he was buying himself time with that line about Gabby.

Looping back to the "Matt did the right thing in giving Sylvie space" dead horse. I think Matt has an understanding with Sylvie and what she's been through. She's also had a pretty crappy run with relationships. She's been engaged twice and hurt ample times. I think he gets that so he doesn't want to move in too soon and hurt her. I think her planting that kiss on him when he went to check on her took him by surprise then he got caught up in it. Then she asked him about Gabby and it got real and he panicked.

That was kind of all over the place and im sorry! But i had to let that all out! I also hope it made sense and hope it answered your question at least a little! I feel like i got kind of off topic there 😅

[angeloncewas]

dont wanna make this ask long bc i am tired and dont have the energy to be a well spoken (?) person rn but it probably will be long anyways, so sorry!! but like. as somebody who has hyperfixated on both idubbbz and schlatt (along with a plethora of other problematic content creators, i really know how to fuckn pick em!!) they absolutely foster a dogshit community, at least outside of platforms like tumblr, where like. you cant really avoid fandom culture like you can on twitter or ig, if that makes sense. on here, if you wanna post about your favorite youtuber, whether you tag it or not, other fans will likely see and if you say some bad shit, you will likely get called on it, whereas on ig basically only your followers will see it even if you use a hashtag and on twitter its like if you arent in a subtwt/fandom then you basically dont interact with any subtwt at all unless its an accident, ya know?

so like. i think what im trying to say here is that while ive met a lot of fans of both these creators, especially schlatt, who are great people as far as i can tell, i am also specifically on the fandom side of things and as soon as i step out of that space i realize that a lot of people who watch them are not actually minorities like me and my mutuals who can catch on to satire or who watch their more behind the scenes stuff where you can see them act like a decent person or even call out people for the things they usually joke about which just. fucking sucks. it sucks that, as much as i do believe schlatt is actually a good person (and sort of idubbbz, although i dont really watch him much anymore for a plethora of reasons, mostly related to the fact that i cant stand his jokes anymore even if he is playing a character as he's said before), he also keeps doing terrible fucking things and im really glad his actual friends have been calling him on it recently, especially after that jackbox video (which is a whole other thing on its own bc it literally seemed like nobody wanted to be there basically the entire video?? like as somebody who watched all the jackbox videos before that one, it was really fucking off in that call and the jokes were next level fucking upsetting), but sometimes it's just kinda like. exhausting. bc his community is already fucking bad now, you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that, which would be stupid to do at this point in his career. not really sure where i was going with this tbh, but i thought i would chime in on this discussion as a viewer of mainly schlatt, but also a past idubbbz viewer who is basically a seasoned fucking vet at dealing with shitty fanbases because of him and many other dumb youtube white boys

(also, note on that anisa thing: ian's main fanbase was definitely pissed just bc she does sex work and a lot of them are too fucking young or just too fucking dense i guess to clock the fact that he's putting on an act bc, like i said before, they either dont watch his behind the scenes content, or they do and they kinda just miss those moments between still trying to entertain where he gets genuine. that being said, a lot of people outside of his fanbase were also pissy bc anisa is a less than spectacular lady if you really do your research on her, kind of a bad person but it's not something a lot of people know about, especially since one of the few videos made on it was by fucking creepshow art)

sorry for the rant again, i feel like i do this every other week now and i apologize, you just seem to have the best discourse and i enjoy partaking <3 hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time you're reading this!

—🦷

Thank you for the input (don't mind the rant !) and I hope you have a good rest of your day too <3 For post length, I'll answer under the cut :)

Yeah, I get what you mean (I think ahdsufsd). Fandom as a concept is pretty... I don't even know how to describe it, but it's the kind of thing that I feel like white male Redditors would think of as pussy shit, y'know? Like the Ricegum gang isn't a fucking "fandom" they're a... well, a fandom, but they're not gonna admit to that. So when you step outside of a community like Tumblr (the queerest place on the internet TM) you come into contact with the faces of the fandom you're dealing with and oftentimes they're a lot less like you than you might've thought from the similar interest. It's like going to a Weezer concert and realizing you're surrounded by incels (this is a JOKE).

Satire's a rough topic because some people don't think it should exist at all. Like any words that can be directly interpreted as bigoted or problematic should not be uttered. I disagree with that, I think it's one of the most interesting forms of both social commentary and comedy, but I do see the problem. There are people who watched Filthy Frank (to take an example from that other anon) and didn't know or care what the point of his actions were (I don't know what they were tbh - I never watched him, but it sounds like he's a pretty decent dude) and instead read his jokes as-is. There are thousands upon thousands of people who aren't gonna get satire and that's a problem because if they're already bigoted they're gonna see people like Schlatt and iDubbz and whoever else as truly validating.

(Largely unrelated but yo, is iDubbz still going? Are the views alright? Is the adsense popping? Has he just kept going with Content Cops? I haven't heard about him since the girlfriend thing dropped.)

"you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that"

I think this is what's pertinent when it comes to discussing Schlatt. After the Jackbox video (for me at least, he might've been there before) he put himself at a crossroads. If he'd apologized, said "sorry, I took it too far, that was a mistake" - yeah, plenty of people wouldn't have forgiven him and plenty of bigoted fans of his would've said that the apology was just to placate the snowflakes on Twitter, but to the sort of in-between people it would've shown that he's able to recognize and reconcile his mistakes. He could've transitioned into content that's A) actually good (when I say that the video was bad I don't just mean in terms of racism, I mean it straight up was not entertaining) and B) less "edgy" for the sake of. I wouldn't expect him to go uwu squeaky clean, but he's already reeled in the bad people, so if he really wanted to foster a good, progressive audience, he has to do something significant to show that.

But he didn't.

Maybe for the sake of his career, maybe because he likes those bigoted fans, maybe because he just doesn't get it - I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know. I spoke earlier about doing what is right over what is easy and in the case of Schlatt it just feels like he really did take the easy way out. Whoever he is in his personal life doesn't change how he's perceived online and the kinds of people that are idolizing him for it.

(And yeah I saw the video on Anisa when I Googled her to check if they were still dating, but then I saw who it was made by and I was like oh well whatever avhfdfkj)

[tanis-drawings-2point0]

the other day i realized theres a couple of similarities between my two otps so Obviously i needed to make a... crossover? au? a far far au

anyway, unrelated, ai!martin and hackerwoman sasha :’) and some au details under the cut!

(shoot out to @crykea who drew him once and ill never be over it <3<3<3) (twitter.com/cryke_art/status/1164992234552320000 posting it like this so it appears in the tag, anyway go look it up its beautiful ;_;)

-HEAD ARCHIVIST RENÉE!! ARCHIVAL ASSISTANT DOUG!! sidenote hes a beholding snack for all the known reasons

-Commander Sims and Officer Stoker, need i say more? i do, i do need to say more

-Doctor James and AI Martin (sidenote i love wolf’s thing of naming ais/ships w/ gods names, hence mars, but i like the idea of him not rly liking the name and among the four coming up w/ that name) 

-im not gonna lie i dont have a lot bc my aus are all over the place but imagine: kinda s1 jontim interactions until Something Happens (space monsters?) and the ship gets nearly destroyed, sasha gets jettisoned into space, martin is turned off and jon and tim have that bonding time i so desperately crave

-they manage to partially fix martin and together they hold the station in one piece while trying to search for sasha until one day months later shes back! and everything is fine! for a while, until jon is looking up data of the craft or smth and discovers that, well, sasha james died......... shes like what of course not? but the moment tim hears that hes pointing a gun at her and its very very sad for everyone involved (he doesnt do anything tho bc both jon and martin are like hey hEY WAIT)

-tim knows abt alien clones but only by a transmission so he doesnt know abt alien clones yknow? also am i implying danny got cloned and thats why tim is there in the first place? to find out wtf happened? absolutely

-imagine lovelace’s shuttlecraft story and eiffel’s may day combined. Thats what she’s been up to those months. I Would Die For Her.

-and ok this started 100% jontim but yall know im poly og crew’s #1 fan so, yeah

-on the other hand i havent thought too much abt the minffel side of the au bc im not a fan of current archivist stuff BUT...... season 1? where hes not the best assistant but still does his job p well? unfriendly/friendly banter? sign me tf up. Also yes the image is an x files reference lmao

-honestly before the actual monsters start appearing imagine them being like “most of these stories are obviously fake, doug” “WHAT are you talking about?? you cant fake this!!”. He has a joke “i want to believe” poster. He calls her scully. im going to fucking cry

-ANYWAY hilbert is also probably there? and hes an avatar of smth idk i didnt thought abt it much after “minffel”. hera&lovelace are around somewhere, jacobi and kepler as well, the last two desolation and web(?) avatars (maxwell is also around but i cant think of a power for her, maybe shes human! a very extremist human whos all abt progress)

-fast foward three seasons and, well, the IDEA of min compelling eiffel to tell her his backstory is horrible and heartbreaking, but boy i love it

thats all i have :)

[indigopurple]

Answer 20 questions, tag 20 followers

Tagged by @luffys-hat , tysm dude

I'm just gonna use the same questions you used cuz I'm small brain haha

Name: I dont like my name very much so just call me idk Vee or smth

Nickname: indigo

Zodiac: Gemini

Height: 5'8" I think

Languages: idiot

Nationality: italian/Irish (pale as fuck)

Favorite season: spring/summer. Like, the period of time between them where u cant tell which one it is cuz its warm out but it rains still and it's not a million degrees or 0 degrees outside. Plus warm nights.

Favorite flower: the ones I draw. Idk what they're called. I might've made them up.

Favorite scent: this ones weird. I kinda like the smell of unfinished basements/garages. Rlly dunno why.

Favorite color: idk how to describe it, which is why it's my url name. Indigo-purple-ish. So just...indigo blue but its purple instead.

Favorite animal: Guinea pigs !!!

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: I like coffee only when its filled with sugar and cream to the point where it's more like a milkshake. But otherwise, hot chocolate. I like tea too tho with sweetener cuz I'm addicted to sugar (in case you cant already tell)

Average sleep: I dont have a schedule. Either 4 or 12 hours, no inbetween. I hate going to sleep cuz I hate waking up so I 'stall' it.

Dogs or cats: dont make new pick, I love both

Number of blankets: 2 until the summer months, then zero once my room is no longer a sauna.

Dream trip: I just wanna stay on the beach forever and pretend the world around me doesnt exist. I love the beach so much, I literally wanna cry every time I visit cuz it makes me happier than literally anything else in this cold, unrelenting earth.

Blog established: almost a year ago, April or may 2019. Woo anniversary coming up !

Followers: 60! I've done a decent job filtering out all the pornbots, I love all of my idiots❤🔥

Random fact: I'm gonna just....casually dump a lot of my problems right here. My mom finally confronted me about my depression, and now I'm gonna get some support which I'm really glad about. I think she only talked to be abt it tho cuz she was digging thru my room and found some edgy shit I wrote on a sticky note like 2 years ago, not that she actually noticed how I felt and pushed herself to say something. That's prolly just the self hate talking tho so maybe I'm wrong lol

Dream job: I rlly dont know. But I kinda wanna do voice acting, youtube, or writing/illustrating. Something artsy. Which sucks cuz stuff like that dont pay well and America likes to fuck us plebians in the ass with things like taxes. Idk, I'll manage somehow.

Tagging: @midnight-spectrum-again @hellamegaz @sasukemutual @magicalchicken @waterstoned @sunflower-side-up @enraged-chihuahua @dinxyjinxy @cheriepeachpie @pituculo2004 @crunchity-munchity @the-queer-best-friend @ii-luffy-ii @all-the-fan-trash @inpressive @outindaylight @lifeless-otaku @traveltme @iamconfusionnnnn @mirrorrorr

[mollydollyjournals]

When I look up tags for weight stuff it always comes up with usernames I recognise from years ago...and of course they all deactivated and stuff. Feels like it's all just dead. I mean I guess the whole site got abandoned a lot when they brought in that shit about adult content. Sigh. It's gonna take a while to repopulate my dash...

Welp. I can still write my own stuff anyway I guess. Hopefully I'll find more stuff to follow eventually.

I finally found the few posts about goals so I'm still writing mine out haha I got distracted by YouTube halfway through. I'm watching My 600lb Life and like...I feel weird because I don't really actually look at other people irl and think they're gross or fat or should lose weight etc, unless they have something about them that I hate or am scared of on myself. Like if they're my shape and have huge thighs. So I know it's not really them I have a problem with, it's myself. And I really have tried for a long time to be body posi. I'm jealous of anyone who can be okay with themselves.

Anyway I'm watching it and realistically I know that bodi posi is key and that even at those kinds of weights where it really is a health issue, you cant just shame someone into not eating and stuff. That doctor is such a pos. And honestly it reminds me of when I was 14, I was struggling with binge eating and overeating and I knew I was overweighted, and I went to the doctor for something unrelated and just got shamed for it. And that's what kick-started my bulimia. A similar thing happened to my mum when she was young, but in her case it just made her eat more and feel worse about it. Neither of those options are healthy. I get that the doctor is supposed to be making them do something that will eventually improve and even save their lives, but the way he does it is just...like why is it so hard for you to actually congratulate them? Why if they lose 40lbs in a month do you just go 'oh but it wasn't 50 so you failed' and expect them not to feel like it's totally hopeless?? Why can't you just be proud of what they did and tell them use that as a starting point to do more??? And he's like 'well they're not taking it seriously, they need to try harder' as if it's that easy. Especially when of the few stories I've watched, there was abuse involved so of fucking course they developed coping mechanisms to get through it. They're not overeating because they just decided they cba. They're using food as a replacement for the general happiness and safety they've been denied. They need help and support and therapy not more shaming and bullshit. It makes me so fucking angry I can physically feel it, and I know if I was there it's something I'd speak up about and tell him what to do and where to go.

And then I get sad because even though I believe that and I've tried for so long to truly adopt that mindset for myself, I just can't. I really am happier when I'm smaller. I guess maybe that's something I should be glad for. A lot of people with EDs feel ugly/bad no matter what, and I definitely have felt bad the whole time, but I know for a fact I feel less bad at 126 than I do at 163. I could cover up and use posing and angles etc but at higher weights I just can't and I can feel my body rolls and I hate it and I just feel so much worse.

I don't know. I also have other sensory issues that affect my relationship with food and my body. But I don't think that's the main problem. I think I became more sensitised to those because of the toxic environment I grew up in with regards to weight.

So, back to my list of goals...

[wickymicky]

i got tagged by @chuukitten like a month ago lmao oops

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people (im too lazy lol im sorry i just like to talk about myself so thats what im gonna do HAHA)

im gonna put this under a read more cause it got long

1. nickname: my bf calls me cube

2. zodiac: i dont do zodiac shit lol sorry

3. height: i dont actually know, im bad with remembering things like that

4. hogwarts house: the “fuck jk rowling” house (okay fine im hufflepuff)

5. last thing i googled: farmersonly… dont worry about it

6. favorite musicians: i mean yall know my kpop ones haha… loona, dreamcatcher, fromis 9, pentagon, exid, red velvet, twice, eyedi, weki meki, etc……. outside of kpop oh man where do i begin… its tough cause ive basically only listened to kpop in 2019 but okay so i’d say the band idles, death grips, grimes, streetlight manifesto, huh idk i have a lot that i like but i dont know who else i would consider my “favorites” at the moment

7. song stuck in my head: right now its pirate king by ateez

8. following: 1800 lol

9. followers: on this blog 264, but 724 on my main

10. do you get asks: occasionally

11. amount of sleep: i should sleep way, way more than i do

12. what are you wearing: pajamas

13. dream job: hmmm. i mean i dont dream of working, i dont have a dream “job”, but if the question is about my dream “thing i wanna do a lot of in my life” then i guess my answer is… idk… something where i can just engage in whatever is interesting to me at the moment. like in the vein of my tumblr blogs where i can just post and talk about stuff im interested in. idk if that means being a youtuber or journalist or just someone who does something else and engages in my interests as a hobby, but yeah. or something to do with linguistics of course. though like i dont wanna be a teacher and thats basically the only path lmao (that i would even consider, anyway)

14. dream trip: you know i dont actually have a lot of interest in travel. idk, it stresses me out. i cant think about going places without worrying about how i’ll get around, what i’ll be doing, what i’ll be able to eat since i have a lot of food anxieties… idk. if someone i love wanted to go on a trip with me i’d probably be down, but i dont really know on my own.

15. instruments: i wish i could do music lol

16. languages: are amazing and i love them. okay fine lol i only speak english, but i took german in middle and high school, i took latin in high school as well, then took latin and ancient greek in college, and then after college i did a lot of looking into hungarian, vietnamese, a little bit of indonesian, turkish, and polish, and then recently i’ve been pretty focused on korean for obvious reasons. i speak none of those languages tho, lol. if i heard someone speaking some of those i could get the gist of what types of things theyre talking about most likely, but honestly my whole thing with languages is that im more interested in learning about the intricacies of how languages work and especially how they change over time than i am in actually learning the language. i’d love if my dumb adhd brain allowed me to focus hard enough and really commit to becoming fluent in a second language because so far i’ve only steadily approached being barely conversational, i’ve never actually reached even that point yet lol. and being only fluent in english makes me feel like a stupid american lol. i pick up bits of language really easily, but the rigor of learning ALL the vocab and ALL the little details you need to become actually fluent is where i fall off. 

like whenever i go through an anime phase, i pick up lots and lots of japanese. like if they keep using a word i’ll see it in the subtitles and figure that it must mean that, and then i’ll pay attention to the endings they use and how they inflect it and i’ll make little inferences about what those signify, so then when i hear a word that i dont recognize but it has a grammatical ending that i know, i can infer the meaning of the word from context, and im going through this same learning process with korean now and it’s super super fun and i’m loving how much progress ive made (though i could have been making progress like three times as fast if i was actually taking a korean class)… but the actual work of learning common phrases, learning the sheer volume of vocab, all that stuff… yeah that’s where i fall off. so idk how fluent i’ll get in korean, but i’m down to find out, lol. maybe this is the one i’ll really try to focus on and achieve it with!

17. 10 favorite songs as of now: of all time????? um okay i cant possibly do that without spending a looong time thinking about it, so i’ll just do the first ten songs that come to my mind when i think of songs that i adore more than most others

keep the streets empty for me by fever ray

colossus by idles

watch it crash by streetlight manifesto

lucky girl by fazerdaze

realiti (demo) by grimes

egoist by loona (olivia hye)

picky picky by weki meki

mother by idles

peekaboo by red velvet

hi high by loona

18. if you were an animal: red panda maybe haha

19. favorite food: pizza cause im a garbage trash person

20. random fact: idk... if yall couldnt tell and didnt already know this, i’m a linguist haha. i went to school for linguistics, i majored in linguistics and classics (latin, ancient greek, etc) though honestly i was only into the languages, roman and greek history is cool and all but not really what i’m most into. majoring in classics was a mistake lol but oh well. i didnt end up graduating though because of unrelated reasons.... adhd, depression, just a general sense that the way the whole system works just wasnt made for me and it didnt click with me and ive never been good at forcing myself to be good at school... and like i was tired of hearing from professors that i have “a very organized mind when it comes to linguistics stuff” (something a greek professor said that meant a lot to me) or that i “understand how language works better than most other students my age” and that im a natural and that its impressive how nuanced my understanding of these concepts is.... while also failing or almost failing all of the classes whose professors said that about me. like basically all those statements were followed by a “, but” or a “, so if you just-”.... sigh. so i guess i’m not “actually” a linguist. whatever “actually” means there. 

so other random fact i guess, which is still related but anyway... i have a conlang! that’s a constructed language. ive been working on a language for like 6 or 7 years. its at a state right now where it’s not really something i can just like... speak? it was at one point, maybe. but basically what i like to do is try out various ideas i have about language and phonology and morphology, so my language is kind of like a sandbox lol. if youre a scientist you conduct experiments, if youre a linguist i think you should try making a conlang. its not a common hobby but its something i spend an unconscionable amount of time thinking about lol. like basically 24/7. i’m almost always thinking about my word for x thing im seeing or thinking about, or like some sound change i heard that some language had, and how that would sound if applied to the words in my language... 

like the reason my language isnt at a point right now where i can speak it is because getting into korean has made me think about massively reconfiguring how the grammar works. its always been kinda like latin and german, cause those are what i was taking when i started, and then it got kinda like ancient greek, so the grammar has/had a lot of complicated conjugations that are just honestly so superfluous... its such a mess lol... i have a much better understanding of how those systems come about in language now, so even if i remake my language to have verb conjugations like latin or greek, it’d be a much more coherent and natural system than the one thats existed in my language for years... but after learning about hungarian and korean in particular, i really wanna try making it a lot more logical like those languages are. but my big thing is phonology (speech sounds), so i just get hung up on sound changes and cool new consonants and vowels to add, so i keep putting off actually fixing my language lol. also ive become attached to my awful, amateurish words haha. im so bad at this... a real conlanger like tolkien or the dude who made the languages for game of thrones would look at mine and scoff haha. most of my words are just straight up stolen from words in latin, german, many others, but predominantly... english. i just mangle english words and call it my own lol, and ive been trying to replace those words with original ones that i made up arbitrarily... like my word for nose is just “nass” and my word for dog is “handir” which is just based on english “hound” and german “Hund” and stuff lol. i wanna change those

21. my aesthetic: if you actually read this long ass post, you know that my aesthetic is just “too much information” but not in a sexy way or even an interesting way

[bluebeetle]

but how can she be a trans girl if she was born a girl? like she had to pretend to be a boy because she was a girl? like i guess it could be trans coding (but like as trans as mulan is) but like canonically she's always been a girl and like i know trans women have it way the hell harder than me but the way it started with her presenting female in the past and keeping her gender a secret i thought she was gonna be a trans boy

who… who is She.

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ok i kid. two things,  but  first thing is completely unrelated: CONTEXT!!!! please give context in your asks!!!!

i only know this is about Pidge from Voltron bc the post is getting notes, i think. that post is a few months old (over 4).

other wise you just play the pronoun game and dont tell me ur talking about pidge or voltron; i talk a lot about other fandoms and people so honestly if i didnt have that context clue i would have NO IDEA what ur talking about and since ur on anon i cant ask for clarification really. so. please next time you send anything like this CLARIFY WHAT POST YOURE TALKING ABOUT  

thank u.

secondly:

trans girls are born girls, theyre just told theyre not by other people. the moment you stop seeing trans as “being one gender and then switching” the better.

and also no where in voltron does it ever say pidge is a cis girl–she just says shes a girl. if you think “girl” = “cis girl” than thats ur fault for making the assumption in the first place

 (which. ive talked about before…. as linked above.)

its not hard to think she was out as a girl, went back into the closet to sneak in–bc this is MILITARY who do PHYSICAL EXAMINATIONS (which means presenting as male was the best option bc a) the officials would be on the look out for a girl named katie, not a boy named pidge b) even if its the future, its hard to say if theyd be ok with transgender recruits so easier there too)–and then came out again bc it made her more comfortable, and she no longer had a reason to not be out and felt safe with the crew.

this is  real thing that sometimes happens: where for whatever reason ppl have to go back into the closet for a bit.

here’s some more post about trans girl pidge that go into it and how it works well narratively than i ever could: 

one 

two

also the tag “Trans girl pidge” is a good place to look. 

trans boy pidge is super transphobic btw for. hopefully obvious reasons (”im a girl” “katie” “gentle-lady”–mostly the coming out stuff tho)

oh and one last thing:

mulan isnt trans coding, its a folklore story from China that i cant speak on really but generally i follows the “woman has to pretend to be male to join army as they dont allow women” narrative when portrayed in the west, which is a real thing people did and IS NOT the same as trans coding, since theyre still WOMEN, merely pretending to be male. trans coding is different. id rec reading more about coding bc im shit about describing it.

[queen-padme-archive]

Why do you hate Holtzbert?

Hey anon, i’ll try to answer this to the best of my ability, but I’ll also link you to a few things that I and my friends have written on this in the past. Unfortunately I’m on mobile so I cant make the links look good, or even organized, but I’ll put them in footnote style and hopefully that will be ok. If I ever get my computer back I’ll edit it.

I’m gonna start out by saying my hatred is balanced about 50/50 between the ship itself and the shippers. When it comes to the ship, I personally never felt like Erin and Holtz had a romantic connection, and it confused and surprised me to find that the majority of the fandom ships it. They have zero romantic chemistry and minimal screen time together, not to mention that fact that every other ship has more of those two things to back them up. On its own I think the ship is and boring and nonsensical, but in general not really enough for me to be so against it. 

What really pushed me over the edge from dislike to full out hatred was, sadly, the fandom and the holtzb*rt shippers. (Also i’d like to point out that I write holtzb*rt the way I do because i dont want my hate posts showing up in tumblr search, also its a funny joke to myself cause it makes it look like im sensoring a slur.) I found out that everyone and their mother was expected to come out of Ghostbusters thinking that holtzb*rt was the main point of the movie, and that it’s gonna be endgame or something. It began to escalate, posts crying “holtzbert is real” turned into Holtzmann fics, or Erin edits that just threw in holtzb*rt like it was canon. It became “well erin and holtzmann are just in love, so we can’t leave that out of posts” (spoiler: yes, you can). The fandom began to actually fully believe that holtzb*rt was canon. It got to the point where the majority of the shippers actually couldn’t tell the difference between reality and fiction*. They began to say dumb things about the Whiskers R We snl sketch with Kristen, like “future holtzb*rt!!” even though 

This was a thing that happened, and no one went around crying future yatesmann. 

There’s also a ton of problematic stuff inhearent about shipping these two that @bisexualpattytolan wrote wonderfully about** (that link is probably the best one for describing all my feelings). 

Honestly it’s one thing after another with holtzb*rt shippers, whether it’s putting unrelated posts in the character tags, or ignoring Abby and Patty all together, or demanding that you stop posting your true feelings on holtzb*rt because it’s making teenagers uncomfortable. 

*http://samwisethebrave.co.vu/post/155584159530/youre-allowed-to-ship-whatever-you-want-and-so

**http://samwisethebrave.co.vu/post/154424718670/bisexualpattytolan-toodrunktofindaurl-so

I’ll post a few other links below from some friends, but if there’s anything more specific you want to know I’ll be here.

http://amtrak12.tumblr.com/post/152001273195/since-i-started-following-you-ive-kinda-realised

http://samwisethebrave.co.vu/post/153538313250/hi-ok-this-is-all-just-my-opinion-there-isnt

[bluekitsune]

Late NDRV3 Chapter 4 impressions

Right off the bat, Amami ought to be talking to either the Mastermind, the traitor, or even maybe Ouma or Saihara? It’s hard to say. But now Saihara’s passing thought about Noah’s arc solidifies even more with Amami pointing toward the 2 people remaining Rule. 

If this is the cliche “lets repopulate the world”, but with the two Killing game survivors, I’m gonna rip my eyeballs off

Also what’s up with the background? Is something on fire?

I guess Iruma is fishy to me because of what she mentioned about her talent and bcuz of her remote ressemblance with Junko :I I just can’t get over it (blonde girl with long hair? Probably some sort of Junko LMAO)

Man I can’t wait to see who is the Spoiler-san of this game

SHSL Detective   > Sees a Card Key

>Cant make connection with the Door in the Library why are u kids dumb

Ok so now we have Armaggedon happening, lunatics preaching humanity should give up and that plan, whatever it is. Did the people start chasing talented students before or after this mess? If Saihara mentioned the increase of crimes, maybe it was before he got branded as SHSL Detective

Ouma has got to know shit man. He’s talking about Substance that can bend time and matter? He KNOWS shit. Is that substance + the computer whatever is reviving the students? Did they decide to “die with everyone” because the world was so doomed?

I’m still holding my breath for a more direct connection with the other DRs. If the kids knew about the Monokumas while they were in hiding as normal people, it’s possible there was a second wave of Despair, and this is just really far into the future. IDK I’m just really late with all my conjecture.

Gonta developing this complex of being useful is not gonna turn well :C

Momota ur just gonna keep hiding your space Aids until you vomit blood in front of everyone? That’s fucking stupid

What if Ouma is the boss of the crazy Cult HUehheh That sprite really does look like the Babadook. Having some real Komaeda flashbacks here damn. Is he talking about Iruma intending to use the Super Computer (or something?) Is the computer the Steins.Gate in DR?? Oh god

Gonta must be so lost with all this Sci-Fi talk; lordy these kids are dummies. Everyone’s like We gotta go we gotta go, but no one talked about how they get out. Also, Neo World Program flags all over again. Just because Iruma baby proofed the place doesn’t mean Monokuma can’t slither dangerous stuff back in there. 

So I’m thinking. Is the Meteor thing a separate world as well? Maybe by creating separate worlds, the Mastermind used that to implant memories from other fake/alternate/fabricated realities. As of now, there’s no way of saying for certain the things they recalled with the remembering light is really from their world. I think they probably are, either that, or the world where the killing game is happening is ALSo a separate reality inside the Xbox computer Steins;Gate thing. This is gonna get really confusing and I’m no good keeping track of all this Inception shit

OMG The program is like a fucking cross of Miitomo (??), DS games and RPG Maker games. They’re all so grossly adorable wtf

I was holding my breath the entire time and honestly I was just so relieved it wasn’t Gonta who died =___= I want at least one of my faves to live as much as possible. He’s got some major death flags with all this self blame thing going on. Iruma had it coming. 

I’m gonna bet my ass she was trying to kill someone. She dumped around a bunch of cliches, separating things with a river, making it seem like everyone is divided and hiding crucial things from the others, isolating Momota on the roof? Come on. Now the major point is gonna be was she killed within the program or was she killed with poison?

the obvious Red Herring bottle? couldn’t she even pick something that made sense with the label come on 

Doesn’t look like this Computer is gonna be the time travel or whatever bullshit they’re gonna pull out of their ass for a plot twist yet. 

Oh man it’s gonna be tough taking this trial seriously when Gonta makes bug puns and toilet paper is the murder weapon

And then they waste a fuckload of time to figure out it’s a goddamn loop, I just wanted to rip my face off at this point

NOOO..... This is gonna destroy me. I just really wanted Gonta to live longer

Why did these dumbfucks let him tag along with Ouma????? Don’t they know he’s the gullible master? Why didn’t nobody dumb down the Game and explain it until he got it???? FUCKING Stupid kids And GOD DAMN Yumeno you were sitting right beside him, why didn’t you just check if he did it correctly?? UGH

Fucking bullshit

And this Gonta abuse is out of control holy shit Let the bara talk at least

I should’ve known. Also I don’t buy Ouma acting like he’s so self-sacrificing. Him saying that them all dying would “save” them just makes my idea stronger

Bullshit

This is a combo of Komaeda trying to off everyone but with a Martyr twist. Imagine Gonta alone in a desolated world? That would be just so heartbreaking

Alter Ego again.... Neo World program again. This better be the same universe in a far future bros. If after all the past flags it’s unrelated to before I’m gonna be pissed

My favorites are down to Shirogane and Kibo and I’m gonna scream if they keep dying after this chapter smh

(i had to go take a walk before watching the rest of the chapter)

CALLED it, Ouma is totally the boss of that group. Also

Momota....... “ts just a bit of a cold” LMAO RIGHT. That fucking space aids is kicking your damn ass to the moon and not in the good way

SNAP Saihara got de-friendzoned. Cruel.

Is Harumaki falling for Momota? Hmmm

WELP Was Ouma the one putting on the letters? That’s stupid. He’s slowly crawling up on the nightmare fuel grade. 

I think they learned a lot from Komaeda being the unpredictable element in SDR2. Now we have this unhinged hellspawn, who’s probably the one Amami was telling to win the game no matter what;

What did Monokuma say in the beginning? The one who has the most fun wins; What has Ouma been doing? Taking that nearly to a T