#i know st Louis isn’t like small or anything
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netherzon · 1 year ago
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Listening to St Louis (We Got Range), and picturing Alfred knowing and singing along to all of the most regionally specific songs about very specific places in the USA that you could imagine
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flimflamfandom · 2 years ago
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Mordecai Heller’s Perfectly Normal Stroll Through the Park.
in which Mordecai walks through the park and doesn’t meet anyone who could make things awkward in any way, shape, or form.
Maybe it was the warmth of the day that did it. That got Mordecai to finally leave the apartment, and just...walk for a moment. Maybe it was the fact that none of his good jackets were left, so he had to leave the house in a shirt and vest without one. Maybe it was the small songs of birds.
Maybe it was just that it was a Saturday, and he couldn’t work, and he couldn’t focus, and he had to do something to occupy the time so Asa Sweet wouldn’t forget what Shabbat meant.
So, Mordecai walked. He paced, almost, before finally settling into a decent rhythm of steps - not too fast, or too anxious. Just...walking.
It was calm.
It was the most calm he’d been in ages, really. He softly smiled. The breeze was nice, and cooling, and the sound of children playing was, remarkably, not as annoying as it typically was. Perhaps there was something to be joyous about these day-
“Mordecai?”
Mordecai’s peaceful experience was shattered by his name. Not a lot of people around named Mordecai, probably - must’ve been him.
The voice was light, and soft. It belonged, very clearly, to-
“Miss Pepper.”
“What’re you doing out?” Ivy Pepper asked.
“I don’t work Saturdays.”
“I thought you didn’t do ANYthing on Saturdays.”
“Beg pardon?”
“Is that...not the point?”
“The point is to rest. This is...restful.”
“You look restless.” Ivy said. “I’ve never seen you in the park before! Or dressed down.”
“Well...” Mordecai looked at his outfit. “...it’s quite suitable, isn’t it?”
Ivy giggled. “Sure it is. Mind if I walk with you?”
“People will get ideas.”
‘Pfft, please. You look like my dad or older brother or something. Let’s catch up!”
“We are from rival firms.” Mordecai said.
“Ahhhh, that sounds like work talk.” Ivy crossed her arms, and smirked. She leaned in. “Please? Been itchin’ t’hear about stuff!”
“...fine.”
And so, Mordecai, who was planning on a peaceful walk, let Ivy tag along. He spoke.
“How are your studies?”
“Fine. Math’s getting to be pretty interesting! We’re doing non-linear algebra these days.”
“I see...” Mordecai smirked. “I’m glad you’ve gone into a more enterprising field than my sister Esther.” He sighed. “Entertainment.”
“...hehe, yeah.” Ivy, who was taking acting classes and even considering switching majors, tugged her collar. “Eeeeentertainment.”
“...oh, goodness, you’re not considering it, are you?”
“Well, I...i really like acting! I enjoy it, it’s fun!” Ivy protested. “Besides, it’s not gonna end up being my main thing...just...community theater and such. It’ll probably be nice...something to do when I inevitably end up as a stupid housewife.”
“I fail to see you ending up as a housewife, Ms. Pepper.” Mordecai said. “You’re far too...” He stuck his hands in his pockets, “far too...aggressively yourself. Wife, sure. Housewife, no. Absolutely not.”
“Heh, well...who knows?” Ivy shrugged. “...say, Mordecai, you never told me if you were married or not?”
Mordecai blushed. “There was...a girl. At one point, in Brooklyn.” He said.
“Ooooo,” Ivy cooed, “:She have a name, this girl, in Brooklyn?” She asked.
“She was named Alte.” He said.
“Pretty!”
“It’s Yiddish.” He said. “...then I found I was...not particularly keen on women. Or any sort of marriage or relationship at all. By that time, i had come to St. Louis.”
“...oh.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“Well,” Ivy laughed, “I just like the idea of there being a cute little Miz Heller running around the place.” She chuckled a bit more, and spoke, “ ‘evenin’, dearie, how was work?’ ‘oh, terrible, Asa is a chump and I wish i worked for the Daisy again.’ ”
Mordecai...laughed a little. He tried hard to hide it.
“Hah! I made you laugh!”
“You...” He laughed a little more. “You did not.”
“Did too!”
“Did not.” “Did  too!” She stuck her tongue out at him. He sighed, and smiled. he put his hands in his pockets. “...I...I will admit, the idea of a spouse has been...entertaining. But truth be told, I think I am far too specific and peculiar a person.”
:”Nah. You just know what you like.” Ivy said, patting his back. “And that’s not having a spouse.”
“Hmm.” He walked.
“...I gotta get going...speaking of relationships.” Ivy checked her watch. “I gotta meet Calvin.”
“...Ivy.” He spoke. “About the Daisy...” Mordecai turned to face her as she walked away. She saw him, the sun peeking over his head. She looked.
“Yes, Mordecai?”
“...nevermind. I...lost it.” He said. He waved. “Stay safe. It is a dangerous business, yours and mine.”
“Will do, Mr. H!” With that, she was off.
Mordecai stood for a moment, and sighed.
He walked back home.
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randomwriter5000 · 1 year ago
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The Chimera: Part Three
Pairing: Nicodeme Savoy x OC (Can be read as Nicodeme Savoy x Reader) Warnings: Accuracies and inaccuracies about the 1920s, Nico getting stitched up, a needle, and use of Google Translate. Word Count: 2,529
Summary: The California Chimera. Born with a genetic abnormality causing her face to be split down the middle. Not only an oddity, but a source of fear for many as she is a notorious gun for hire across the United States. After a near death experience and the death of most of her family, Chimera now goes to the bustling town of St. Louis on a job. Used to other cats eyes looking at her in disgust and fear a new reaction catches her eye. A pair of cats that look at her with curiosity and wonder. One of them being Nicodeme Savoy. Could she be biting off more than she can chew with the Louisianan?
Part Three: Goin' to church
Chapter Summary: With Nico getting seeing the doctor Chimera goes off to confirm some suspicions
A laugh escaped Nico. “Prayin’ isn’t goin’ to help dis.”
Chimera's eyes scanned the streets before she Slammed down on the gas pedal again. “There is a doctor I know. I have cash on me, so you’ll be well taken care of.” With one paw on the steering wheel, she took a stack of bills out of a hidden compartment in the glove compartment with the other.
“What is he? A priest?” Nico laughed, glancing at the thick stack of five-dollar bills.
“Exactly,” Chimera blew through a stop sign before turning down a residential area. The heavy breath next to her made her eyes widen. “Hey, don’t pass out on me!” She slapped his shoulder. “Keep talking! What do you like to do?”
Readjusting himself, Nico’s eyebrows knitted together in slight pain. Yet, his smile was still constant. “Sleepin’ and eatin’ is quite nice.”
A small chuckle escaped the smaller cat as she turned again. “Come on, anything else?” Her smile was strained with nervousness. “Got anyone?”
“Nah,” He shook from the laughter escaping him. “I’m not built for dat.”
“Yeah, me either,” She admitted, scanning the streets. Seeing that they still had a distance to go, Her ears twitched in unease. “What do you like to eat?”
“Fish,” He grumbled. “Cajun.”
“Haven’t had that. It would help if you lived so that you can give me that,” A snicker escaped the taller cats’ mouth before turning down an alley. The car bumped along the bumpy road, aggravating the wound even more. “Sorry,”
Despite the night sky's darkness on the town, the white brick that lined a tall standing church shined. However, Chimera quickly turned into the back of the white church. Stopping the car suddenly in front of what looked like the church's maintenance building. Based on how much smaller it was. Leaving the keys in the ignition, she pulled the parking brake. Jumping out of the car into the chilly air, she helped the tomcat out, who was now relying entirely on her for support.
Banging on the door, Chimera shouted. “John! Mors certa, hora incerta!” {1}
“I heard!” An older Abyssinian cat opened the door and rushed her in. “Get him on the bed. I’ll get everything ready. What happened to him?”
“He was stabbed. He lost a bit of blood.” Chimera explained.
“I can see that,” the Abyssinian remarked.
She didn’t hear any witty remarks from Nico as she got him on the bed. Looking at his face, she could see how he was fighting unconsciousness. “Nico, look at me,” Chimera grabbed his face. “John is going to take care of you, alright?”
Nico laughed as the doctor came over with his tools ready to operate. “You actin’ like I’m dyin’ cher,” He bantered.
“The only thing keeping you alive is the fact that you kept the knife in. The second we take that out, you’ll bleed like a stuck pig,” John turned with gloves on his paws and quickly injected the cat with a needle.
“What’s dat?” He growled, but the injection had already gotten in.
 “To take the edge off.” The older cat answered, putting the needle back into the bag
Nicos' eyes had already begun to close. What felt like minutes was an hour as Chimeras' eyes observed as John took out the scalpel. The blood did begin to gush out like a river. Yet, John quickly stopped the bleeding and stitched the rest up. Nico barely reacted, occasionally moving his head to look around but not coordinated enough to stand.
“How is he?” She spoke up.
“The guy twisted the knife when he stabbed him. That is what caused so much bleeding. However, he is lucky it wasn’t worse,” The Abyssinian spoke, finishing the stitches. “He will be sore however he could be good to return to the Brothers of Peril.”
“He isn’t part of the BP,” Chimera corrected, walking over to see the damage. Her ears went down slightly. It was nowhere near as bad as she thought. Had she overreacted? “How long until he wakes up?”
“An hour,” John answered, looking at the sound-asleep cat, occasionally mumbling incoherently.
She nodded, walking to the door. “I have a few things to take care of,” She opened the door, and the iron smell of blood escaping was refreshing as the midnight wind went through her fur. “I’ll be back soon.”
“What about-“ Before the bronze-colored cat would finish, a stack of bills was tossed at him. His bright yellow eyes widened at the thick stack. “What else do you want?”
“Make sure he doesn’t die for one,” She spoke, looking at her watch. “Also, I need you to see where the Red Snake is.”
The Abyssinian guessed. “You were attacked by them?”
“Not necessary. However, I have a hunch. The last words of my target were that a little birdie told him I was there. That leaves two options: the Brothers of Peril or the Red Snake. I know who I’m putting my money on,” She explained, kicking the loose gravel in front of the shed.
“Are you-“
“Yes,” The black side of her face turned to face him. The jet-black fur blended into the night sky above, leaving only an amber-yellow eye filled with anger. “If he is here. I’m finishing this even if it kills me.”
“Shall I contact Glen?”
“Not now,” She turned back towards the still-running car. “When Nico wakes up, just tell him to rest until I return.”
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Peering around the corner, Chimera noted the general lack of gunmen or other cats. Despite this, the eerie silence had the cat on edge. She continued her way to the all-familiar warehouse. Carefully opening the squeaky door, she dashed to the control room, where the glass and blood had yet to be cleaned. Looking around the corners, there were no unsuspecting cats or noises. Huffing, Chimera got up from the floor and began looking through the desk.
She quickly tossed random receipts and tax forms until she found what she sought. A letter torn open with a wax stamp of a red snake barely hanging on. Pulling out the letter, her eyes narrowed as she watched the handwriting tell the target how she was working with Marigold and was after him. However, there was no mention of Nico, making it clear who was the real target.
A sudden movement from the closet made her spin around with a pistol in hand, only for a rat to scurry out and into the warehouse area. Then her ears perked up, tucking the letter into her coat. She began walking towards the closet with her pistol still in hand. Looking around the corner, she noticed that the package was still untouched. It was a good-sized suitcase. Bending down to get leverage, Chimera began to lift, only to realize how heavy it was.
“What the hell is even in here?” She scowled at the bag. After several attempts, she could finally lift and carry the suitcase to the car. Occasionally taking in her surroundings.
Hearing the familiar sound of glass clinking together after shoving the suitcase into the car. Curiosity got the best of her as she unzipped the bag to reveal the stacks of gin tucked neatly into the suitcase. “That explains it,” She rolled her eyes before sipping it back up.
Hopping into her blue car, she sighed, starting up the engine. Driving out of the alley, she leaned her head into her paw, suppressing the rising yawn. Her oddly colored eyes were red from the lack of sleep. However, they were still alert as she looked at the streets. Her eyes widened, seeing a payphone with no one behind her. She lightly hit the brake. Pulling out a paper from the glove box, it had a New York number signed by Glen with the comment ‘call me anytime.’
Shaking her head, Chimera shoved the paper back into the glove box and continued down the lonely streets. A couple minutes passed as she drove the familiar roads back to the white church. This time, going over the bumps carefully. Pulling up near the shed, she hopped out, rubbing her eyes from the sleep gathering. Standing in front of the rickety door, she knocked.
“Mors certa, hora incerta” {1}
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Blinking, Nicos' yellow eyes looked around. His head felt as if it had been overtaken by alcohol. Feeling his side, he could feel the heavy bandages and wound underneath that was tender to the touch. Pushing himself up, he rubbed his face from sleep.
“Good, you’re alive,” A deep voice spoke. Turning, Nico could see the tall Abyssinian with his back to him. “Chimera will be back soon.”
“What you give me?” Nico groaned, shaking his head from the drugs.
“A sedative, it helps with blood loss. Your stitches can come out in a week, but if you insist on working, attempt to take it easy,” John spoke as he put a couple of papers into a file. “However, my protest will probably fall on deaf ears if you are anything like Chimera.”
A chuckle came from the injured cat. “Dat her real name?
Johns’ yellow eyes rolled. “Yes, a parent named their child Chimera, which in most religions is considered a demon,” He walked over to the injured cat, looking closely into his eyes. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out some pills. “Looks like the drugs are wearing off. Take some painkillers.”
Not protesting, Nico took the pills and water. “What are you?”
“I’m a priest,” He began sitting on a chair, looking at the clock in the corner of the dusty room.
“A doctor priest?”
Huffing, the Abyssinians glared at the window. “What are you getting at?”
“Straight to point, huh?”
The cat leaned forward on the chair. “I’d rather us not run around in circles as you try to figure out how I am involved or who I am.”
“Well,” Nico groaned, adjusting himself to sit up. “Who are ya then?”
“I’m a retired gun for hire for the Brothers of Peril who had an incline to the medical field. I was also a mentor for them for a time.” The words rolled off his tongue. “I’m also the person you have to thank for living.”
Nicos' ears twitched at the seriousness of the older cat. Funny enough, he kind of reminded him of Mordecai. “Well, thank you, mon ami. How shall I pay you?”
Johns’ eyes narrowed. “Chimera already took care of that,” He looked out the window and began muttering. “I guess I can’t take all the credit. Chimera did get you here alive, which always helps. Tell me, Mr. Savoy. I have heard of your reputation. Why were you working with Chimera?”
Nico looked down at the wound as the painkillers began to work. “Justa’ coincidence,” He answered. However, the older cat didn’t seem pleased with the answer as he pulled a knife out. “Goin’ to kill me? I was planin’ on gettin’ the package, and she knocked me off of my feet,” He elaborated as the doctor twirled a knife in his hand.
The Abyssinian continued as he looked down at the sliver blade. “You don’t find it suspicious that you were shot at and stabbed?”
“Part of de job,” Nico shrugged before lights poured into the shed from the outside.
The Abyssinian got up and walked to the door. “Your savior is back,” He grumbled.
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“Mors certa, hora incerta,” Spoke as the door opened quickly to reveal John with his knife. She took a glance at Nico in the background with his typical smirk. “Thank you for keeping him alive and not gutting him.”
“Took all I had,” He allowed the female cat in as she walked over to Nico.
“How are you feeling?”
“Wonderful Cher,” He smiled, taking note of the Abyssinians’ tail swishing around angrily.
Looking back at the older cat behind her, Chimera rolled her eyes. “Good. Where can I take you back to?” Holding out her hand for him to take.
He groaned as he got up from the mattress. “The Maribel Hotel,” He answered. “Thanks doc, for stitchin’ me up,” He waved at the Abyssinian as Chimera guided him to the car.
“Esperarte,” John spoke with narrowed eyes. “Necesito hablar contigo,” His golden eyes bore into Chimeras different colored ones. {2}
“Porque?” Chimeras' head tilted as Nico looked between the two unknowingly. “El no habla Espanol.” {3}
Turning away, the older cat muttered. “Ven aca,” Walking back into the maintenance building, the cat motioned for Chimera to follow him. {4}
The sound of a lighter made her look over her shoulder to see Nico liting as ciergate. “I’ll be back. You can look at the package in the back,” She motioned to the backseat, only for Nico to look at her confused. “Take it as a thank you for shooting that guy,” She chuckled, closing the door behind her.
Walking back into the small maintenance building, Chimera approached the makeshift desk. “Did you already find out some information?”
“Somewhat,” He started pulling out a couple files of burglaries and under-the-counter deals. “The Red Cnake is in Canada,” he handed her a file.
Groaning, Chimera took the file. “Are you sure?”
“My source is good,” He answered, noticing the narrowed eyes of the younger cat. “However, my source also said he will be awhile until he returns.”
“How long is awhile?” She coaxed.
“A year”
Chimera tucked the file into her coat before rubbing her head. “Thank you, John,” Despite the frustration in her voice, she smiled at the older cat.
Feeling another set of eyes on her, she looked out the window to see Nico on the passenger side, who gave her a cheeky smile. Nothing could help the smile that formed on her face. “If that is all, I’ll be off.”
As she turned, John spoke up. “What do you think of him?” John asked while his amber eyes squinted at the grey cat.
“Nico?” She looked at John. “Good fighter, pretty funny, and doesn’t run away in fear when he sees me, so that’s nice,” She answered broadly, only for the older cat to laugh.
The Abyssinians' eyes looked at Chimera. “It is good to have friends, especially after the year we’ve had,” A somber tone overtook the shed. “However, I insist that you watch your back. Things are changing at a fast pace.”
“I know,” Chimera nodded, walking to the door. “I’ll see you around, Crimson,”
Laughing, John got up. “I’m retired. That name is the past.”
“Still can’t forget my mentor’s name,” She smiled softly before opening the door and walking to the car.
“Good talk with the doc?” Nicos’ demeanor seemed to return as he put out his cigarette.
Chimera suppressed her yawn as she hopped into the drivers' side. “Yeah,” She nodded pulling the blue ford out of the church parking lot and began driving. “Everything good in the package?”
“Yeah,” He hung his arm out to the chilly air. “Now, will you let me buy you a drink, cher?”
She could see his smug expression from the corner of her eye, only making her chuckle. “Once you get your eyes checked.”
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{1} Death is certain, its hour is uncertain {2} Wait…I need to talk to you {3} Why?... He doesn’t speak Spanish {4} Come here
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themedicalstate · 3 years ago
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The Pandemic After the Pandemic
Long COVID isn’t going away, and we still do not have a way to fully prevent it, cure it, or really to quantify it.
The world was slow to recognize long COVID as one of the most serious consequences of the coronavirus. Six months into the pathogen’s tear across the globe, SARS-CoV-2 was still considered an acute airway infection that would spark a weeks-long illness at most; anyone who experienced symptoms for longer could be expected to be dismissed by droves of doctors. Now long COVID is written into CDC and WHO documents; it makes a cameo in the newest version of President Joe Biden’s National COVID-19 Preparedness Plan.
But for all we know now about long COVID, it is still not enough. Researchers still don’t know who’s most at risk, or how long the condition might last; whether certain variants might cause it more frequently, or the extent to which vaccines might sweep it away. We do not have a way to fully prevent it. We do not have a way to cure it. We don’t even have a way to really quantify it: There still isn’t consensus on how common long COVID actually is. Its danger feels both amorphous and unavoidable. People already struggle to deal with well-known risks, let alone fuzzy, slippery ones. “You can be too afraid of what you don’t understand or just say, ‘It’s not well defined; I’m not going to think about it,’” says Erin Sanders, a nurse practitioner and clinical scientist at MIT. Concern, when we let it, can act like a gas. It expands to fill the space we give it.
But even if long COVID’s prevalence turns out to be a single-digit percentage of SARS-CoV-2 infections—proportionally much smaller than most experts estimate—in absolute terms “that is not small,” says Ziyad Al-Aly, the director of the Clinical Epidemiology Center at the Veterans Affairs St. Louis Health Care System. Millions of people have already developed long COVID; many of them, an untold fraction, have not recovered. This is the challenge of chronic illness: When people join its ranks, they do not always exit. With each new case of long COVID, the virus’s burden balloons.
“I worry, now that everyone is moving to the post-pandemic world, we’re going to sweep all these patients under the rug,” Al-Aly said. Long COVID struggled to gain a toehold in the national consciousness; now it threatens to be one of the first major COVID impacts to slip back into the margins.
Researchers have known for many months that long COVID is more a category than a monolith. Al-Aly very roughly likens it to the way we talk about cancer—an umbrella term for diseases that are related but that require distinct diagnoses and treatments. Long COVID has hundreds of possible symptoms. It can batter the brain, the heart, the lungs, the gut, all of the above, or none of the above. The condition can start from a silent infection, an ICU-caliber case, or anything in between. It can begin days, weeks, or months after the virus first infects someone, and its severity can fluctuate over time. “We lump all of that into one broad thing,” Al-Aly said. “It is not.”
The condition’s root causes, accordingly, are also diverse. In some cases, long COVID may be collateral damage from the war waged between virus and immune system; in others, it might sprout out of a chronic SARS-CoV-2 infection or, conversely, a quick viral encounter that sets bodily systems on the fritz. These hypotheses aren’t comprehensive or mutually exclusive: There are only so many ways for bodies to run smoothly, and infinite ways to throw those processes out of whack.
All of this means that even diagnosing long COVID—an essential step toward understanding it—is still a battle. We don’t have a clear-cut, consensus clinical definition, a single name for the condition, or a standardized set of tests to catch it. Even the CDC and the WHO can’t agree on how long a person must be sick before they meet the condition’s criteria. Some researchers and health-care providers favor one agency’s definition; others, dissatisfied with both, come up with their own. And “there are still doctors out there that do not think long COVID exists,” says Alexandra Yonts, a pediatric-infectious-disease specialist at Children’s National Hospital, in Washington, D.C. 
In an ideal experimental world, to understand long COVID’s risks, researchers would systematically survey large swaths of the population over long periods of time, watching to see who gets infected, who goes on to develop the condition, what form it takes, and how it impacts people’s health, says Shruti Mehta, an infectious-disease epidemiologist at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health who is studying long COVID. But few institutions have the resources for such an undertaking, which could span many months or years. So many researchers have to make do with the limited data sets that are already available to them. As a result, some studies end up biased toward patients who were hospitalized, while others wind up favoring people who have the time, means, and trust in the health-care system to sign up for long-term studies. Neither group fully captures long COVID’s wide-ranging toll. The situation’s especially tough for pediatric patients, who might be too young to articulate the severity of their symptoms and are often excluded from long-COVID studies. Long COVID certainly exists in kids, but it may not perfectly mirror what goes on in adults: Children’s susceptibility to the virus is different, and their bodies are so rapidly changing, says Yonts, who runs a pediatric-long-COVID clinic in D.C.
All told, the study of long COVID has become, as Sanders of MIT puts it, “a data disaster.” Some researchers estimate that a single-digit percentage of SARS-CoV-2 infections bloom into long COVID; Al-Aly is one of them. Others, meanwhile, favor larger numbers, with a few even insisting that the rates are actually more than half. Most of the experts said they feel comfortable working in the 10 to 30 percent range, which is where many studies seem to be starting to converge. Finding one answer is tricky, without knowing how many forms long COVID can take—some could be more common than others. Formally splitting the disease into subdivisions could help address some of these ambiguities. But we don’t know nearly enough to start slicing and dicing, says Bryan Lau, an infectious-disease epidemiologist working with Mehta and Priya Duggal.
If researchers aren’t comprehensively capturing who currently has long COVID, they can’t say for certain who’s most likely to get it either. Many researchers have found that women contract long COVID more frequently than men. Others have uncovered evidence that people who end up infected with gobs of the coronavirus, or who produce antibodies that attack the body’s own tissues, also seem to tilt toward long COVID. Chronic health issues, including diabetes, could up a person’s chances of getting sick and staying sick as well. So might a lingering Epstein-Barr virus infection. But some of these trends are still being confirmed, experts said, and the extent to which they toggle risk up or down isn’t known. And it’s definitely too early to pinpoint any of these factors as long-COVID causes. “For acute COVID, we know what the risk factors are,” Akiko Iwasaki, an immunologist studying long COVID at Yale, said. “For long COVID, it’s much less clear.”
Still, a couple of other variables feel a bit more nailed down. “The risk is high in people who need hospitalization or ICU care,” Al-Aly said. Deepti Gurdasani, an epidemiologist at Queen Mary University of London, says she’s fairly confident that the nature of a person’s exposure to SARS-CoV-2 plays a role as well: Heavier and more frequent viral encounters seem to tip the scales toward symptoms that last and last. That’s a concern for people in essential occupations, who “aren’t able to shield themselves,” she said.
If these last few factors directly affect how and whether long COVID unspools, vaccination—which reliably staves off hospitalization and, to a lesser degree, infection—could be a partial preventive. Several studies have shown that shots do seem to muzzle long-COVID rates. They don’t, however, eliminate long COVID’s odds. To date, experts have yet to find any demographic that has been spared from the condition, despite persistent myths that certain groups, particularly kids, are somehow immune. “We’ve seen it in children of all ages,” says Laura Malone, a pediatric neurologist at the Kennedy Krieger Institute, in Baltimore. Some of her patients are toddlers. The virus isn’t pulling any punches either. Every iteration we’ve encountered so far, Omicron included, seems capable of causing long COVID. “No one is not at risk,” Al-Aly said.
To this day, most countries do not keep a running tally of long-COVID cases. But ballparks of the burden are staggering. Some 2 percent of all U.K. residents—not just those with documented infections—might currently have long COVID, according to the Office for National Statistics. Another analysis estimates that up to 23 million Americans have developed the condition since the pandemic’s start. More will join them. But Davis worries that those numbers will continue to be left off of national dashboards, and thus out of the public eye. Now that the federal government has tightened the boundaries of its concern to hospitalizations and deaths, the public does not even really have to look away from the national perspective on long COVID: There is next to nothing to see.
As people rack up different combinations of shots and infections with different variants, what worsens or soothes long COVID is also getting harder to understand. Many of the experts think long COVID is essential to study, it’s too complex for them to want to tackle themselves. Meanwhile, long COVID remains the pandemic’s looming specter. We are told there is risk, but not exactly how much; we are told that avoiding long COVID would be ideal, but lack the practical guidance to do so—the virus is so widespread that eventual infection, for many people, feels almost inevitable.
At the same time, as researchers look deeper and deeper into the bodies of infected people, they’re only seeing more damage. With each passing month, more studies emerge documenting how the coronavirus alters the function of vital organs such as the heart and the brain. The public has been cultured to think that most SARS-CoV-2 infections are trivial, and the repercussions brief, especially for the young, healthy, and privileged. But long COVID breaks the binary of severe and mild. “It’s going to continue to affect people, even people who are protected from severe illness during the acute phase of infection,” Michael Peluso, an infectious-disease physician and long-COVID researcher at UC San Francisco, said.
No matter where the true numbers on long-COVID risk sit, they are too large to ignore. “Whether it’s 10 percent or 50 percent, at both levels you have to do something about it,” Gurdasani said. Statistics will help sharpen and clarify the condition’s boundaries, and are still worth seeking out. They will not, however, change long COVID’s threat, at its core.
Davis, who is nearing her second anniversary of developing long COVID, feels this deeply. She is still experiencing cognitive dysfunction and memory loss. Her heart still races when she stands. “You cannot live your life like you used to,” she said. “Your life just becomes this shell.” For individuals, for societies, “this is not going away.” Even after much of the world puts the pandemic in its rearview, long COVID will keep filling hospitals and clinics. It will dot the pages of scientific texts, and linginfer in the bodies of millions of people worldwide. Hospitalizations and ICU admissions are not the only COVID outcomes that can buckle a health-care system.
That strain is already being felt by the health-care workers on long COVID’s front lines. Yonts, the Children’s National pediatrician, said that she’s currently booking patients “out to Memorial Day.” COVID’s global crisis can, in some ways, end when we decide to treat it as done. But that is not an option for a growing fraction of the planet, who cannot put COVID fully behind them. “This is going to be the pandemic after the pandemic,” Gurdasani said.
Source: Katherine J. Wu (The Atlantic). Image credit: Leo Correa/Redux.
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spine-buster · 4 years ago
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Patience is a Virtue ft. Matthew Tkachuk | 𝒫𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒
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gif credit @czarniks
CONTENT WARNING: this story deals with cults, polygamous cults, escaping cults, strict adherence to religion, gender roles, abuse, miscarriage, and a character with a traumatic past.  Please be warned.
Word Count: 2,899
A/N: Was I really going to name the epilogue any thing else?
                                                         *     *     *     *     *
Effie had been quiet lately.  When Matthew said ‘quiet’, what he really meant to say was not all there, and when he said ‘not all there’ what he really meant to say was that she was there, with him physically, but her mind was somewhere else.  She had these bouts from time to time.  Effie was always going to be a work in progress, and that meant sometimes she’d regress instead.  He knew that when he signed up to be with her ten years ago now.  He knew that when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together seven years ago, and she said no.  He knew that when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together six years ago and she said no.  He knew that when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together five years ago and she said no.  He knew that when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together four years ago and she said no.  He knew thar when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together three years ago and she said yes.  He knew that when they moved in to said house two years ago.  Some bouts were long, some were short, but he always noticed them.  
This was another one.
She usually came around.  Well, actually, she almost always came around.  She’d ask something or propose an idea and Matthew would learn or realize why she was so withdrawn, why she was so quiet.  Sometimes they were simple, and a short bout: “I want to change the menu at the bakery.”  Sometimes they were vastly more complex, and a long bout: “I know Chantal’s okay with me not having kids, but what about Keith?”  She’d get stuck in her head a lot.  And with someone with so much to learn, as someone who was quite literally going through life learning by doing, it was almost a guarantee this would happen, considering what she came from.  
But Matthew was there.  Always.  
As he spooned her in bed, he could feel how distant she was.  He could practically feel her mind racing and refusing to slow down despite it being late at night.  Matthew placed a small kiss on her shoulder.  “D’you want to talk about it?” he offered.
Effie turned around so she was now facing him.  He could see the worried look in her eyes and started to worry himself.  She took a deep breath.  “Would you want to marry me?”
Matthew licked his lips, and without hesitation, he nodded his head.  “Yes.”
Effie looked away, almost ashamed.  “I had it in my head that you wouldn’t want to because I’ve been married before,” she whispered.
A regress.  Inevitable.  Effie’s mind was a complex ocean.  “You were never married,” he said firmly.  “But if you want to get married, I’d love to marry you.  We could do it however you wanted.”
“What about our marriage?”
“What do you mean?”
“We’d get married, but what would our marriage be like?”
Bad memories, obviously.  The last time she was a “wife” it wasn’t a marriage at all.  It was practically a hostage situation.  An abusive relationship.  “Do you like our relationship how it is now?” Matthew asked.  
Effie nodded her head.  “I want it to stay like this,” she said.
“Then that’s what our marriage will be like, too,” Matthew assured her.
***
“I don’t know what type of ring I like,” Effie mumbled on the phone to Geneviève as she picked at her lunch, a poppyseed bagel she’d made with a generous spread of lox and cream cheese.  Geneviève was in Sweden, like she was every summer, with Jacob and her twins.  Though they’d be back in a few weeks for the season, Effie couldn’t hold off talking to her.  She never really could.
“Why would that matter?” Geneviève asked.
“Matthew and I talked about getting married.”
There was silence on the other end of the call before Effie heard the dial tone.  She thought the call dropped – it did that sometimes, especially when Geneviève was in Sweden – but then her phone was vibrating all over again, and it was a FaceTime request instead of a simple phone call.  Effie couldn’t help but smile as she accepted the call.
“You and Matthew WHAT?!” Geneviève shrieked, holding the phone too close to her face.  
“Um…yeah,” Effie nodded.  “We talked about it a few nights ago in bed.  I asked him if he would want to marry me and he said yes.”
“Effie, Matthew’s probably wanted to marry you since he told you how to pronounce tomahawk.  What made you think he didn’t?” Geneviève asked.
Effie shrugged her shoulders.  “I don’t know…” she said.  “I just—last time I was married, it wasn’t a good marriage.”
“You were never married,” Geneviève deadpanned.  It was good to know she thought the same thing as Matthew.  “But besides that—has Matthew been anything like him in these past ten years?”
Effie shook her head.  “No way.”
“Then what makes you think he will when you’re married?”
Effie knew Geneviève was trying to make a point – and a good one – but Effie was, for some reason, still apprehensive.  “He comes home soon,” she said.  “I’m going to talk to him more about it.”
Geneviève nodded in understanding.  “Just remember that you deserve happiness, however that comes to you,” she reminded Effie.  “And remember, Effie – you can choose happiness, too.  You can choose to overcome a fear and make yourself happy.”
***
Effie searched all about engagement rings until she heard the garage door open and Matthew step into the house.  He’d been at the gym, and his own lox and cream cheese bagel was waiting for him in the fridge.  “Hey,” he called out from the laundry room.  
“Hi.”
“Whatcha up to?”
“Uh, looking at engagement rings.”
He was silent.  Silent until he rounded the corner and Effie saw him emerge from the hallway that led to the laundry room, his gym bag slung over his shoulder.  “Engagement rings, huh?”
“Mhm,” she nodded, adjusting herself in the bar stool.  “There’s so many different styles.”
Matthew looked at her skeptically, dropping his gym bag before walking over to her.  “There are…” he began.  “But you should look at a style or styles you like, and then we can bring it to a jeweler.”
“A jeweler?”
“I’m not gonna get you just any ring, baby.  It’s gonna be custom made,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Effie’s research told her that custom made rings were the most expensive types of rings.  While there were so many pretty styles online, custom was definitely something to aspire to for many people, even thought it was out of reach.  “You’d get me a custom ring?”
Matthew looked at her.  Without saying a word, he leaned back into the barstool beside her but grabbed hers and scooted it closer to him.  “Will you please talk to me?” he asked softly, but needily.  “You know I’d get you a custom ring.  You know I’m gonna let you get any dress you want and have whatever kind of wedding you want.  You brought up marriage but the questions you’ve been asking me…Effie, it’s as if you think I don’t love you.”
“That’s not—no,” she shook her head, stuttering out her words.  “I’m sorry, Matthew.  I don’t mean it to be like that.  I know you love me.”
“Then what’s with the questions?”
Effie took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact with Matthew until she knew she had to talk.  “This is what it was like last time.”
Matthew’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.  “What do you mean?”
“Abraham was nice before he abused me.  He promised me so many things.  And I know you’re not him—you’re nothing like him—and I’ve—I’ve told you that for ten years but—”
“—Effie, if this is too much for you, we don’t have to get married.”
Effie began shaking her head.  And when she began shaking her head, tears started to well up in her eyes, and as they welled up, they fell down her cheeks.  She tried wiping them away but Matthew beat her to it; she was so ashamed she couldn’t even look at him.  “But everybody gets married.  Look at Brady.  And Taryn, even.”
“Effie…we’re already in a committed relationship that’s like a marriage anyway.  I’m devoted to you, and you’re devoted to me…we—we live together, we act like we’re married anyway.  If you don’t want to change that then you don’t have to.”
“Yes I do,” she stressed.
“Why?”
“I do because I want to do something for you.  You’ve been doing things for me for ten years and I know you want this.  I know you want to get married.  So I want to give that to you because you’ve given me so much.”
“You giving me yourself is enough.  You know that.  You’re enough,” he said.
“I know,” she nodded.  “But marriage is a celebration of love.  It’s a celebration of love.  And I want to celebrate our love.  I just have to get it through my thick skull that marriage isn’t a punishment, it’s a celebration.”
Matthew nodded his head, giving her a quick kiss on the nose.  “Want me to call Dr. Barlow?  We can work on this together.”
Effie nodded.
***
Half a year later, Effie couldn’t stop staring at the rock on her finger.  It glimmered in even the shittiest light.  She was sure Matthew had something put in it to make it shine so much, but he kept denying it.  Geneviève loved it.  So did Jenna.  So did Annica.  
“But do you?” Matthew asked her.
She nodded.  The second he slipped it on to her finger, everything became real.  Everything.  She’d never had an engagement ring before.  She never had a testament to her partner’s love for her.  And here it was now, on her finger, ready for her to wear for the rest of her life.  Matthew gave it to her.  Her Matthew.  Nobody else but her Matthew.
***
“Oooooooh, Effie,” Chantal’s eyes lit up as Effie walked out of the fitting room of the small bridal boutique in St. Louis they went to on a whim.  Taryn’s jaw dropped in quick succession as Effie walked out and stood on the platform in front of them, a three-panel mirror showing her every angle of the dress.  She watched Chantal through the mirror.  “Oh Effie, this is stunning.”
“Do you think Matthew will like it?” she asked.  
“Matthew’s gonna bawl,” Taryn interjected, causing everyone to laugh.  “I’m about to bawl!”
Effie looked at herself in the mirror, patting down the fronts of the dress, even though it fit her like a glove.  Despite trying on some dresses already while out with Jenna and Geneviève, she didn’t get the same butterflies in her stomach as she did seeing herself in this dress, now, even though this wasn’t planned.  It was the first one Effie chose for their consultant to pull but the last one of the three she tried on, and it was the most beautiful.  She loved everything about it: the eyelet organza, the corset bodice with exposed boning, the A-line skirt with pockets.
The ivory.
The consultant puffed out the skirt for her, letting it fall behind her dramatically.  Effie was quiet as she watched Taryn eye the consultant and say “We need a veil” before the consultant left them alone.  Chantal was covering her mouth at the point, admiring the dress but also as a mechanism to stop herself from crying, probably.  Effie pat down the front of the dress again, her heart beating in her chest.  “Chantal?” her voice was small.
“Yes sweetie?”
“I can wear white, right?”
Chantal nodded automatically.  So did Taryn.  “Of course you can.  You were never married,” Chantal said.
“Even if you had been,” Taryn piped in, “it’s your wedding.  You can wear whatever you want.”
***
Matthew held Effie’s hand as they sat on a couch in Dr. Barlow’s office together, talking through Effie’s trepidations of marriage and expectations as a wife.  Effie knew that the only reason why she was having trouble with all of this was because of her past experiences; when she thought about it, deep down, she wanted nothing more than to marry Matthew.  But her mind was a funny thing – it always was – and that’s why they were here.  Matthew had been patient in waiting for her to agree to buy a house and move in together; he’d been even more patient in not asking her to get married but letting her make the decision herself.  Now it just all came down to this – the working through the nitty gritty things, the things that still plagued her mind – so she could go into the marriage in the healthiest way possible, just like their relationship was.  And she was going to see it that way.  It helped her immensely to see it that way.  This is just an extension of our relationship.  This is a celebration of our love.
“Have you given thought to any popular wedding or marriage traditions that the two of you would want to follow or not follow?” Dr. Barlow asked.
“Like what?” Matthew asked.
“Effie, will you be taking Matthew’s last name?”
Effie looked at Matthew before squeezing his hand quickly and nodding.  “Yes,” she said confidently.  “I’ll become Effie Tkachuk.  I met this woman through hockey – her husband plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs – her name is Bee Rielly.  She took her husband’s last name and she said the reason why she took it was because she had no connection to her maiden name, McTavish, because she had no real family and her mom was an alcoholic and it only really reminded her of that.  Considering her background, she wanted it gone, and I feel the same way.”
Matthew squeezed her hand back.  Dr. Barlow smiled and nodded her head.  “It’s great that you’ve met someone like that, that can help you see these kinds of things in that perspective,” she said.  “Are you having a church wedding?”
“No,” Matthew took this one.  Even though he and his siblings went to Catholic schools, religion wasn’t a huge part of their lives.  “Just an officiant.  We actually already have her booked.”
Dr. Barlow nodded again.  “Effie, how do you feel about the tradition of someone walking you down the aisle?  Levi?  Matthew’s dad, perhaps?”
Effie shook her head vehemently.  “I love them, but no,” she said.  “No way.  I’m entering into a marriage freely and I’m making the decision.  Nobody is giving me away.”
Matthew smiled.  “And that’s that on that.”
***
The more that Effie planned, the more she got to experience what normal wedding planning was like.  It was stressful, sure, but it wasn’t your-mom-telling-you-that-you-were-going-to-marry-a-55-year-old-when-you-were-fourteen-years-old type of stressful.  It wasn’t an I-don’t-know-anything-about-being-a-wife-I’m-only-fourteen-years-old type of fearful.  It actually wasn’t fearful at all.  The more decisions she made about how she was going to marry Matthew, the more excited she became.  Decisions about flowers, about table coverings, about décor, about music, about food.  Her favourite was taste-testing cakes samples with Matthew.  Every time they tasted something Matthew would always say, “It’s not as good as your cakes” to her.  
Every.  Single.  Time.  
***
Between family, friends, and teammates, there were about 130 people at the wedding.  Effie wore her dress, tailored to perfection, and the veil – long and regal and cathedral length, because the only day it was socially acceptable to wear a veil that long was on your wedding day, and Effie was going to take full advantage of it.  They did a first look and Matthew cried.  He cried again when she walked down the aisle by herself.  
When Effie stood holding hands with Matthew, reciting vows to each other, she thought about the past ten years.  She thought about the person she was when she met him at Noah’s birthday party.  She thought about their Starbucks meetings and him teaching her about corn dogs and candy and frappucinos.  She thought about how different she was from then till now, and that though the past still affected her, and crept up on her from time to time, she had been strong back then, and was even stronger now, and that made her proud of herself in a way nobody else could understand.  Not even Matthew.  That she stood here with him, marrying him, making the choice to marry him, spoke volumes of her progression.  It spoke volumes of the person she had been, the person she was now, and the person she was becoming.  She was always a work in progress.  
Matthew was there for it all.  There to help her, there to guide her through it.  There to help her achieve her dreams and expose to things she never thought possible.  Lake Louise.  Moraine Lake.  The Bahamas.  Europe.  St. Louis.  Confidence.  Trust.  Love.
“I love you,” he whispered to her when their vows were done, rubbing his thumb over the backs of her hands.
“I love you too,” she whispered back.  Freely.  Meaningfully.  Deeply.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the officiant beamed.
For the first time in her life, Effie was married.
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troubatrain · 4 years ago
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new year’s day - m.tkachuk
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a/n: i wasn’t going to write a part two to tis the damn season, but i couldn’t help but feel like new year’s day was an excellent excuse to write one so here we are. i started this blog about a year ago sometime after new year’s and it’s been a little crazy but you guys are honestly awesome. i just wanted to thank you for constantly supporting my fics and chaotic ways i write and all of the people who i get to idea dump with. thank you & have a happy and safe new year’s!
Life was sweet.
Matthew had been blissed out since the moment you both arrived back in Calgary, like the last piece of his life had fallen back into place. You were the kind of peace he needed, someone who anchored him down before his ego got the best of him, and someone who could see past all of the bullshit to begin with. Matthew knew a storm was on the horizon, the talk about what any of this means after you left to go back to St. Louis. Matthew fucked up the first time, because he a dumb kid who wasn’t ready for anything life was about to throw at him. He got scared, all of the new pressure in his life got real and he ran away from the only thing that comforted him.
For the moment, none of that mattered. What was important to him right now was watching you laugh with a few of his teammates in a dress Matthew intended on taking off later.  A laugh he could have recognized anywhere. It was New Year’s Eve, and Matthew was hosting, something he never thought would happen. His teammates thought he was kidding when he asked if they wanted to go to his place for a New Year’s Party, but he was being serious. You outdid yourself, telling Matthew he couldn’t possibly have a party with any sort of decorations.
“You look good with a girlfriend Chucky,” Matthew’s stare was broken but Mark’s voice behind him. A hand lands on his back of his neck to cover the blush. You made him better, that’d been clear from the moment you walked in your freshman English and sat next to Matthew. He had a perfect grade in that class, because he spent a year trying to impress you before he finally just asked you.
“Trying not to fuck it up this time,” Matthew admits sheepishly, because he was so nervous about losing you again, “She’s always been it for me, but I can’t just ask her to stay here-”
“You don’t have to, just let her know she’s part of your plan,” Mark suggests, and it makes sense to Matthew. When you dated the first time, he had all these plans. His plan for where he’d go before he got drafted, his plan to play his first year, and none of them ever included you. Well they did, but Matthew wasn’t about to tell you he wanted to marry you at seventeen. You deserved to know that when he thought about his future, it was with you. 
It was here. It was watching you joke with Johnny and Sam like you’d known them for years. It was the first game you went to after you landed and Matthew got to skate out for warm ups and see you against the glass. It was the other morning when he caught you peeking out the windows of his condo while snow was falling, your eyes sparkling at the site. Matthew couldn’t think of anything else he wanted for the rest of his life besides you.
Matthew excuses himself from the conversation, catching a glimpse at the time. It was five minutes to midnight, a New Year was about to ring in and he got to spend it with you. He sneaks behind you, grabbing your waist and pulling into him, “Hi.”
“Matty,” You squirm, giggling while Matthew tickled at your sides. He didn’t care who heard you call him Matty because it was you. You look up at him, a smile on your face while you pressed a kiss to his cheek. Matthew scoffs, pointing to his lips, “At midnight bubs.”
“Yeah bubs,” Sam teases, Matthew lifting up his middle finger. You grab his hand, lacing your fingers with his.
“Just admit you’re a big baby Matthew, it’ll save us some time,” You smirk, Sam breaking out in laughter. Matthew was a big baby, constantly whining when he couldn’t pull you close in bed or pouting his way through something he didn’t want to do, “Now countdown to midnight with us…”
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
A chorus of cheers and New Year’s wishes filled Matthew’s place, but all of that was static with your lips pressed against his. His hand was splayed across your back, the bare skin peeking out of your dress was on fire from his touch alone. His other hand was tilting your chin up, holding you close to him.
“Happy New Year baby,” Matthew mutters, another quick kiss to your lips before he pulls away. Your eyes fluttered open, snapping back into reality.
By the time it was two in the morning, Matthew had managed to push his party guests out and his next task was you. You were spinning around his bedroom, and Matthew was waiting for you to trip over your own heels every second. You finally flop down on his bed, kicking your feet out, “Please?”
Matthew sighs, pausing from unbuttoning his own dress shirt and sitting next to you on the bed. He unbuckles your heels, “Have fun tonight?”
“I like it here,” You whisper, as if you’d been afraid to admit it. You snuggle into the bed, your eyelids getting heavier by the minute, “Because you’re here.”
“I like it here more when you’re here too pretty girl,” Matthew grins, his eyes soft when he looks down at you, “You need to get out of this dress.”
“Get me out of it,” You smirk, picking your head and giving Matthew a wink. If you weren’t five tequila shots deep he probably would have, but he knew you were far too drunk for that. He chuckles, shaking his head and tossing you one of his shirts and walking into the bathroom. He finally got back into his room, your head on his pillow while you waited for him.
He finally jumps into bed, throwing an arm over your waist and pressing a kiss to your shoulder, “Goodnight.”
“Matty?” You call out, whispering before he falls asleep on you. He hums, waiting for you to speak, “Don’t give up on me this time.”
And Matthew could have sworn he felt his heart break.
***
You woke up with a massive headache, only getting worse by Matthew’s snoring in your ear. The past week had been nothing short of perfect, Matthew pulling out all the stops to prove he really did want you back. You roll over in his arms, tracing the side of his face, he wasn’t going to wake up. Matthew hadn’t changed, and that meant he still slept like a rock. Your fingers moved along the stubble across his chin, a new addition with change you were starting to love.
You finally got out of bed, tossing on whatever hoodie Matthew had closest to the bed and padding down the hallway to turn up the heat. Calgary was cold, a bitter kind you were in a hate/love relationship with. Most of the love came from why you were here, and the weather was something you just needed to deal with. You walk through the living room, plastic cups from the night before were covering the place. Confetti and polaroid's thrown across the coffee table with intentions for them to be a problem for another time. You pick one up, of you sitting on Matthew’s lap. You were looking at the camera, a wide smile on your face while Matthew was just looking at you.
“I want that one,” Matthew’s raspy morning voice caused you to jump, his long arm reaching over and holding the picture in his hand, “For here.”
You give Matthew a small smile, watching him run his finger over the picture. He’s quiet for a minute, biting his lip like he’d been debating what to say, “Matty?”
“I see you in my future,” Matthew breathes out, his last and final confession he had to make to both of you, “When I think about all of the things I want, you’re always there.”
“What if it happens again?” You whisper, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes. The very real fear of this imploding on the two of you scared you like no other. You had to put those pieces back together alone, and you weren’t sure if you were prepared to do it again, “What if this is too much and-”
“It won’t be, I’m ready this time,” Matthew assures you, “I was ready then too, but I didn’t think you’d be. I had to give you up because you deserved better than following me around while I got myself settled. I am, I’m here and I’m ready for this.”
Matthew’s voice was raw, pleading with you that he was telling you the honest to god truth, “This isn’t going to be easy.”
“I’d rather do hard with you than easy with someone else Y/N,” Matthew smiles, his dimples poking out.
“Matthew I swear if you break my heart again,” You threaten, poking your finger into his chest, “I will let your brother kick the shit out of you.”
Matthew chuckles pressing kisses all over your face, the sound of your laugh flooding his place. You spent the rest of New Year’s cleaning the condo, picking up the empty champagne bottles left from the night before and spending the day on the couch before your flight left.
***
What Matthew didn’t know then, was that it would work. Long distance was rough, but you’d both made enormous sacrifices for each other. It took planes, trains, cars and a whole of patience, but by the time the next year rolled around- things still seemed to work. You walked through the lobby of Matthew’s place in Calgary, your suitcase felt heavier than it had been on any of your previous trips. You had a late Christmas present for him, one that if you didn’t give him in person it wasn’t going to be the same.
“You’re here!” Matthew hops off the couch when you let yourself in, he grabs your waist picking you up and spinning you around. Matthew presses a kiss to your lips, his tongue slipping into your mouth when you stopped him, “Babeeeee…”
“Quit your whining, I have something for you,” You stop him, opening up your suitcase and pulling out a folder. He furrowed his eyebrows, sliding it open. It was a job offer. One for your dream position. In Calgary.
Matthew was stunned, speechless while his eyes read over the offer four times. It was real and if it meant what his brain thought it did it meant that a year of long distance was about to be so fucking worth it. His finger ran across the paper, looking up at you. You had a grin on your face, happy with yourself for not telling him until this very moment.
“I’m going to take it, if that wasn’t obvious-” You start to explain, but Matthew had scooped you back into his arms before you could finish speaking. His arms were holding you tightly, muttering something into your shoulder, “What was that?”
“I didn’t say anything,” Matthew’s eyes were bulging out his head, and you narrowed your eyes at him. He was lying to you, you just gave him the best news of his life and he’s lying to you.
“Stop lying”, You demand, stepping out his arms, “Do you not want me here?”
“Fuck, no baby I do, I just-” Matthew sighs, running into his arm and rummaging through his drawers. You stood by the door, confused as to what had gotten into your boyfriend.
“I was going to do this tonight, I even flew out our families, because I got you back on New Year’s and,” Matthew steps back into the room, a blue box in his hand in a color you’d be damned if you didn’t recognize, “In all of my life, I’ve only ever known that I was supposed to be with one person, and that was you. You’re my soulmate, and the world has constantly tried to pry us apart but I swear it just made us stronger. We’re the best god damn team in the world Y/N, and I think we’d be even better if you married me?”
Your hand was over your mouth, tears spilling out while Matthew’s soft blue eyes were staring into yours. He was right, you were the best team in the world. You were two people who could look at each other in a crowded room and know what the other was thinking. You were in love, and the few years where you tried to convince yourself it wasn’t always going to be Matthew at the end were just a part of the story. You nod your head, watching Matthew put that ring on your left hand and you couldn’t help but think about the way you’d get to tell your children and grandchildren your most epic love story.
Because after all, you wanted his midnights, and everyday after that.
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tippedbykreider · 4 years ago
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something just like this | c. parayko
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Word count: 14.6k Warnings: Mention of infertility Author’s Note: Colt and Cass are back! There’s been about 1.3k of stuff added to this but everything has remained pretty much the same :) Song title is from ‘Something Just Like This’ by The Chainsmokers Summary: Colton Parayko is no stranger to living life on the road and being away from home, but when a new neighbour moves in to the property next door, Colton comes to learn that perhaps home isn’t a place after all.
Colton Parayko would consider himself to be a lucky man. He had a dream job, he was living in a city that felt like home despite being thousands of miles away from his actual home. He drove a nice car, had a nice house in a good area and his neighbours were some of the kindest people he’d ever had the pleasure of encountering. Sure, there were days where he could kill a man for a Tim Horton’s but had to settle for a Starbucks instead, and those days made a pang of homesickness rear its head in his chest, but they were few and far between and if his biggest gripe was a lack of Tim Horton’s coffee in St Louis, then Colton thought he was doing pretty damn well if he was to say so himself.
He’d been in the city for the better part of five years now and had really found a place where he felt like he could put down roots, or at least for as long as his career would allow. When he’d first moved to the city he’d found himself an apartment right in the heart of Downtown, and while it was exciting and there was never a dull moment, it never really felt like somewhere Colton could see himself long term. He liked to party just like anyone else, but he was happiest when relaxing in his own space with a puzzle or a good book. To some this might seem boring or like he was old before his time but with a life as full on as Colton’s could be, it was a nice change of pace to kick back, relax and unwind. That’s what led him to the house he’d called home for the last couple of years. It was modestly sized but bright and airy and a perfect base for him during the season. The neighbourhood was quiet and filled with a lot of young families and it had that real sense of community that reminded Colton of his hometown back in Canada. He didn’t have to think twice about leaving his number with Laura and Joe or Tom and Martina on either side of him in case of an emergency and he knew that his bins would be taken care of if garbage day fell during one of his stretches on the road.
Things had been the same since he’d moved in and in some ways it seemed like time had stood still in that little corner of St Louis but rather than feeling humdrum and dull, Colton felt like it gave him a safe harbour to come back to during the crazy storm of the hockey season. No matter whatever else was happening in his life, Colton could always rely on the community spirit of his neighbourhood to make him feel like he was at home. But sooner or later, the tides of change sweep in and life as we know it is rearranged, sometimes in small ways, other times beyond all recognition. It started on a Tuesday morning in late-February; it was a rare day off and Colton was locking the front door to his house before heading out on his morning run when he noticed the for-sale sign in the front yard of the house to the right of his. He had no reason for the odd feeling that had sprouted in his stomach and had begun to settle heavily there, but there it was all the same.
He set off down the street at a leisurely jog, casting his mind back to the last conversation he’d had with Tom or Martina to try and remember if they’d mentioned anything to him about them potentially moving elsewhere but he was certain that they hadn’t. He would have remembered something like that, he would. He wasn’t exactly sure why seeing the sign had jarred him so much in the first place because while he was friendly with Tom and Martina and while he had always made sure to buy their son a small gift every Christmas and birthday since moving there, it wasn’t like he would consider himself to be their best friend or anything like that. But even so, Colton always enjoyed hearing Sam play outside on warmer days and he knew that he would miss his raucous laughter, it had reminded him so often of his own niece’s back in St Albert. Perhaps that’s what all this was about, Colton thought, the nostalgia and the sense of normalcy and that feeling of home, but even he understood that all things succumb to the rolling tides of change and that people move on to pastures new. All he could hope was that the new owners were just as nice and friendly as the soon-to-be old ones were.
 It was early April when Colton spotted the removals van parked out on the street and within 48 hours he found himself waving off the Parkers along with the rest of the cul-de-sac. He wondered then who the new owners were, what they were like, whether they had children and hoped beyond hope that they would be willing to help keep an eye on his place while he was either away on the road or back in Alberta. He didn’t give it much more thought after that; the Blues were about to start their playoff campaign and Colton’s mind was firmly fixed on hockey. It was only when he returned home from a two day trip to Minnesota that he noticed a silver Mercedes coupe on the driveway next-door. The neighbourly instinct in him told him to go and introduce himself, but it was getting late and all Colton could think about was getting inside, taking a hot shower and dragging his tired body into bed.
An early practice meant that any semblance of a lie-in was out of the question. He’d decided to forgo breakfast at home in favour of an extra fifteen minutes wrapped up in the warmth of his duvet, figuring that he’d find some time to eat at the rink instead. By 8am he was slipping on his sneakers and heading out the door, a small duffel slung over one shoulder with a travel mug of coffee in his hand and his keys in the other. He was so focused on getting the front door closed and locked without having his bag slip from its precarious perch and spilling his coffee that he didn’t notice his new neighbour going through a similar routine of their own. She had a tan leather satchel balanced on her shoulder and her tote handbag was hooked over the same arm and dangling obnoxiously enough that it was severely impeding her ability to get the front door closed. Colton had just turned to get into his car when he saw her and his eyes immediately went to the comically large travel mug that was being held at an almost dangerous angle while she tried to move the bags out of the path between the door and the frame.
It was a no-brainer for Colton to set his own travel mug down on the roof of his car and cross the distance between the two houses, pocketing his car keys as he went. He couldn’t help the small smile that sparked across his face as her voice came into focus with every step he took.
“Με δουλεύεις? Δεν έχω χρόνο για αυτό! Σκατά στον τάφο σου…”
His brows knitted together in confusion despite the gentle smirk on his lips, stifling a laugh as he approached the porch steps while his new neighbour sighed in pure exasperation, completely unaware of his presence behind her.
“Σάλτα και γαμήσου.”
Colton leaned forward and took the mug, which was now tilted almost horizontally from her efforts, from her hand. She turned her head quickly, a look of surprise on her features that Colton returned with a friendly grin.
“You looked like you were having a bit of trouble there.”
She closed her eyes and offered a small laugh on the exhale of a single breath, the corners of her lips quirking ever so slightly into a hint of a smile.
“Sorry about that,” she said apologetically. “The plan wasn’t to cause a ruckus in the street this morning.”
Colton laughed and offered his hand to take the bags from her which she accepted gratefully, turning and shutting the front door before turning the key in the lock with a sense of finality.
“Sounded like you were really sticking it to that door.” He handed back her bags and waited until she’d pressed the button on her car keys to unlock it before giving her back the mug of coffee, taking in the navy blue pencil skirt suit and the powder blue silk blouse she wore. “You gonna be okay from here?”
“Yeah,” she nodded as she tossed her bags onto the passenger seat and surveyed him with a thankful expression. “Sorry for the theatrics, I just get a little flustered when I think I’m running late, especially on my first day at a new job.”
“Completely understandable,” Colton agreed while nodding sagely. “I’m Colton, by the way.”
“Cassandra,” she replied, offering her hand which he shook. “I’m guessing you live around here?”
“Yep,” Colton pointed to his house, not a stone’s throw away from hers. “Literally just there.”
Cassandra smiled at him, bright and dazzling and a million miles away from the frustrated little grimace she’d had on her face only a few minutes before, as if the incident with the door was already a distant memory.
“Well, it was lucky you came along when you did. Two bags, one of them heavy and a mug full of coffee? Could’ve been messy,” she smirked behind her travel mug as she took a sip, surveying him with chocolate eyes that were keen and warm all at once. “That’ll teach me, huh?”
“Glad to help. Although maybe leave the octopus impression to actual octopuses. Or is octopi? I never know which,” Colton mused, adjusting the strap of his duffel on his shoulder.
“I believe octopuses is the correct plural, grammatically speaking, although I’m not sure they mind either way,” Cassandra contemplated with a bemused smile on her lips before a brief silence fell between them as they surveyed each other with easiness and a gentle intrigue.
She was beautiful, Colton thought, and nothing like any woman he’d ever seen before with her olive skin and hair as dark as her eyes and there was a kind of fire in her belly, of that Colton was sure because in his twenty seven years of life he’d never seen anybody berate an inanimate object with the kind of gusto that she just had, even if he didn’t understand a word of it. He thought it was an odd contrast to the perfect, pristine suit that she was wearing and he found himself wondering just what it was that she did for a living. That thought quickly brought his mind back to the present, remembering that the real world was calling and that they both indeed had to get to their respective jobs, and he made a mental note to ask her about it when they both had a little more time on their hands.
“Well, I uh, I actually gotta shoot for work too but it was really nice meeting you,” Colton announced with what Cassandra interpreted as slight reluctance which she found both intriguing and endearing in equal measure. “And good luck for your first day at work, I hope it goes well for ya.”
“Yeah, you too and uh, thanks again.”
Colton flashed her a toothy grin, one that gave him a boyish kind of charm despite his imposing size, as he replied, warm and genuine, “Anytime.”
Cassandra watched with intrigue as Colton retreated back to his driveway and got into his SUV, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She wasn’t sure what exactly the rest of her day would have in store for her, but as she saw the little wave Colton gave her through the window as he pulled away, she could feel a lightness start to spread in her chest and knew without a shadow of a doubt that the small act of kindness from her new neighbour had salvaged her morning.
 It was four days later when Cassandra saw her neighbour again, an unusually warm Friday afternoon to be exact. It was his car in the driveway that she noticed first on account that it had been missing for the last two days and while she knew nothing of the man that had rescued her Monday other than the fact that his name was Colton, she couldn’t help the involuntary smile that had settled on her lips as she turned into the quiet cul-de-sac and saw the dark grey SUV she’d recognised from the other morning. She wondered just exactly when he’d come home, remembering her earlier observation that it was still missing as she reversed off her own driveway a shade past 8am that morning. It was 2:30pm now and all Cassandra could think about was getting out of her tailored dress and court shoes and into something much more comfortable.
She shut the engine off and climbed out of her car, grabbing her purse as she went; she’d come back for her satchel later. She immediately slipped off her shoes, not caring that she hadn’t even made the short distance up the driveway to the house, and tucked them carefully under her arm while she fished in her purse for her keys. She didn’t notice the tall blonde from next door emerge from his house, nor did she notice the bemused smile he wore while he watched her root around her too-large purse for her house keys and she definitely didn’t notice him set down the bucket of water and sponge he had in his hands before starting to cross the short distance between their houses.
“You need some help there?” he called out with a grin, causing her to jump and drop the shoes under her arm and the purse in her hand with a clatter.
“Ιησούς Χριστός!” She turned then, the slightly startled expression on her face melting into a warm smile and a soft laugh as she took in the large man in front of her, playfully prodding his solid chest as payback for the little fright he’d given her before moving to bend down and pick her belongings up off the floor. Colton was quicker though and before she had a chance to really register what was going on, Colton was handing her back the oversized purse, the black court shoes still in his other hand.
“Now, I’m gonna hazard a guess here and say that those aren’t your size,” she added with a devious little smirk, nodding towards his hand and laughing. Colton took a couple of beats to catch up to what she was saying as his eyes drifted from the easy grin she had on her face to the shoes before his face turned an interesting shade of pink and his free hand moved to rub the back of his neck.
“I just, um, I figured I’d keep a hold of them while you looked for your keys,” he offered.
“Very thoughtful of you. I swear I’m not usually this disorganised,” she said while she resumed her search inside of her purse. “It’s the Friday brain.”
“Rough week?”
“I’ve questioned my life choices exactly seven times this week and considered becoming a stripper but then I remembered that I couldn’t dance and my parents would be extremely disappoin- Aha!” She pulled the keys from out of her purse and put them into the lock. Colton was instantly hit with the sweet smell of summer flowers mixed with a scent that he couldn’t quite place the second her front door swung open but it somehow seemed to fit her, despite him still not really knowing her all that well. He wanted to though, because while she was intriguing and piqued Colton’s interest in all manner of ways, she was also incredibly warm, the kind of warmth that would draw even the most adventurous wayfarer to hearth and home. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was about her that gave her this gentle presence, maybe it was her eyes and how they seemed to hold a kind of sincerity that he couldn’t help but be enchanted by. Perhaps that was the reason why he was still standing holding her shoes in his hand even after she’d crossed the threshold into her home, despite him every intention of using the rare sliver of free time he had to do something productive like wash his car.
She’d finished hanging up her purse and was now back in front of him, surveying him with an easy smile while her hands reached out to gently take the shoes from his hand.
“Do you wanna come in for a drink or something? I bought a new espresso machine the other day and it’s the perfect weather to make iced coffee, although other beverages are also available if you’d prefer something else.”
“Oh I don’t wanna interrupt-“
“You’re not,” Cassandra assured. “I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to, believe me.”
There was a lightness in her tone that matched her smile and Colton found himself nodding in agreement, the bucket and sponge sat on his porch steps forgotten as he followed her inside and closed the door behind him. Her home had a warmness to it, much like the one Cassandra radiated herself, and Colton couldn’t help but be impressed at just how put together and lived in the space looked, despite it not even being two weeks since he was sure she’d moved in.
“Wow,” he said as he followed her deeper into the house. “You wouldn’t think you’d just moved in here, it took me weeks to unpack.”
Cassandra smiled as she grabbed two glasses from the cupboard while Colton settled himself against the kitchen island.
“I don’t have a lot of stuff really. This place is easily two or three times the size of my old apartment back in New York so once the furniture was in there wasn’t really an awful lot left to unpack. I did go to Pottery Barn on like, my second day here, which I’m not sure I’ll ever financially recover from but those chunky merino wool blankets are like crack to me.”
Colton laughed as he allowed his eyes to go to the blankets in question that were arranged over the back of a cosy looking cream fabric corner sofa. There were scatter cushions that somehow managed to look both homey and perfectly placed and while the whole room screamed French farmhouse vibes that wouldn’t have looked out of place on Pinterest, it never lost the inviting and hospitable charm that hit him as soon as he stepped foot inside. He took in the rest of the décor while Cassandra busied herself with their iced coffee, pushing away from the island to get a closer look at the many photographs arranged on the side tables and walls.
His attention was caught by a particularly large framed picture on the wall above a console table, eyes immediately drawn to the large group of smiling faces staring back at him. There must have been at least forty people in this photograph, he noted, all standing in front of a white villa with shutters that were the colour of the bright sky above them. He found Cassandra easily, her smile even more dazzling than the sun was that day. She was stood between a man and a woman whom Colton could only assume to be her parents. She had the same golden olive skin as her father, he thought, and her eyes bore a remarkable similarity to his in the way they crinkled slightly at the corners when she smiled but her smile itself and the rest of her features? They were all her mother’s and Colton caught himself smiling softly as he traced his gaze over each happy face in the photograph.
“Is this your family?”
Cassandra poked her head around the wall to see what Colton was referring to, laughing softly at the sight of him looking at the picture with a mild sense of wonder resting on his face before going back to finish making their drinks.
“Yeah,” she called from the kitchen.
“That’s a, that’s a real big family you got there.”
“Well,” she started, the amusement and teasing clear in her voice. “I am Greek and if you’ve ever seen that movie with John Corbett and Nia Vardalos you’ll understand exactly what it’s like.”
Colton fired a grin at her as he shook his head gently, “can’t say that I have.”
“I wish I could say that they exaggerated what it’s really like for the purposes of the movie but they really, really didn’t,” she laughed over the sound of the espresso machine. “Although I am glad that the swearing the other morning didn’t tip you off, I was trying to stay incognito so I didn’t have to spend my life listening to people talk to me about how good the gyros are here. The ones you guys sell here? Not traditional Greek gyros and frankly I’m insulted.”
She reappeared with two glasses in her hand, sidling up next to Colton with a brush of her shoulder against his bicep as she nudged into him with a playfulness that he couldn’t help but chuckle at, thanking her as he took one of the glasses from her hands.
“I mean, I thought you looked Mediterranean but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure on what language you were yelling at your door in.”
“Sometimes when I’m frustrated I open my mouth and my baba comes out,” Cassandra shrugged casually from behind her glass as she took a sip. “Those genes run pretty strong. They’re a passionate people, the Greeks.”
“So were you born in Greece and then moved here when you were young, or?” Colton asked, following Cassandra as she moved to the patio door and out onto the deck before settling down in the chair next to her.
“Oh no, I’m a born and raised New Yorker,” Cassandra clarified as she set her glass down on the side table between them.
“Really? I’ve been to New York a few times with work and you don’t have much of an accent, if you don’t mind me saying. I uh I don’t mean it rudely it’s just, there’s usually a distinctive accent there.”
“Ah, they beat accents out of you in Law school,” she grinned as she surveyed him. “It’s not professional sounding apparently. Although it’s probably for the best, if I sounded anything like my mother I’d never be taken seriously in my field.”
Colton nodded, becoming more intrigued by the woman sitting beside him by the second. “So your parents came here from Greece,” he hadn’t meant for it to sound so much like a question but he was eager to hear more.
“My dad did, my mom was actually born in New York but my grandparents emigrated here from Italy so you can just imagine my mom’s accent,” she punctuated her answer with a laugh before continuing. “My Nonna is from Naples and my Nonno was born in Bologna. They met and got married in Italy and then emigrated here when they were in their early twenties, it was all very romantic. Nonno passed away a couple of years ago and Nonna took it pretty hard but she has my mom and aunts and uncles around to take care of her.”
“So your mom’s family-“
“Also massive,” Cassandra laughed. “I say that I came to St Louis for work but really it was for the peace and quiet.”
Colton chuckled with her at that, unable to even imagine the size of her combined family. He wondered if they’d ever all been together in the same room during Cassandra’s lifetime and whether it was as chaotic as he thought it might have been based on Cassandra’s words.
“So family gatherings must be pretty wild, huh?”
“Thankfully most of my dad’s family are all in Greece. My paternal grandparents are really old now so they don’t venture very far, let alone this far but my dad’s siblings have been to visit a couple of times and it’s always, um, interesting when mom’s family visit my parents while dad’s relatives are staying there and when I say ‘interesting’ I mean ‘loud’,” she grinned. “Everyone forgets regular social conventions like waiting for the other person to finish speaking before starting to speak themselves and the concept of an indoor voice.”
Colton let out a noise that was halfway between a laugh and a cough as he stopped the mouthful of coffee he’d just taken from reappearing out of his nose, Cassandra laughing along with him before she offered him an apology and a smile.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to make you inhale your drink there.”
“No,no, it’s okay,” he assured. “It was a good mental image, almost curious to see what that’s like.”
“Well, if you ever feel like subjecting yourself to a headache and my family is in town I’ll let you know,” Cassandra winked as a gentle laugh floated past her lips.
“I appreciate it,” Colton grinned in reply, although he couldn’t help the heat rising in his cheeks at the thought, which was an unusual response in itself, he thought, given that the woman sitting beside him was still really an acquaintance. He paused briefly as the light moment they’d shared settled between them, filling the space with a quietness that was by no means uncomfortable despite it being light-years away from their laughter not moments prior. There was a distinct curiosity there, a desire to know her in the way that friends know each other and it was a curiosity that Colton couldn’t trace the source of. She was his neighbour, yes and neighbours often knew a surface level of information about each other and their lives in a kind of shallow and superficial kind of way, and she’d been kind enough to invite him in for coffee, which was probably about as neighbourly as you could get but there was something else about their interactions that felt like more than being just neighbourly. There was a lightness to them, a playfulness that he couldn’t recall experiencing with any of his other neighbours and that curiosity, that need to keep talking to her and listen to her life story, her likes, her dislikes and everything in between, but he also didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, and so he opted to ask her about something safe, something she’d already offered to him in passing.
“You said you went to Law school? I know you probably get this all the time but you must be pretty smart.”
“Yeah, uh, NYU. Graduated a few years back, took the bar examination and then got a job at a decent firm in Manhattan. It’s just so competitive there, y’know? It felt like I couldn’t ever really get ahead no matter how hard I busted my ass because of just how cutthroat that whole scene is and I was sick to death of feeling like I had to prove myself in an old boy’s club just because I was a female in my mid-twenties with a foreign sounding surname so I thought I’d broaden my horizons a little bit. I looked up some reputable firms across the country, sent a few speculative letters and here I am.”
“I can’t even imagine what that’s like, having to jump over hurdles like that just because you’re a woman with a mixed heritage, like I guess I’ve always been aware of how my privilege has meant I’ve never really had to deal with stuff like that but I just can’t even… You’re one tough cookie, you know that?” Colton turned in his seat so that he was facing her better, his glass cradled within his hands.
“I guess you kind of have to be when you work in law, especially as a woman. I spend most of my days around guys who look for opportunities to turn any situation into a dick measuring competition and who look at you like you’re some incompetent newbie who’s only in that position to fulfil some sort of equality and diversity quota bullshit,” Cassandra sighed heavily, meeting Colton’s eyes as she continued. “Real talk? It feels like I lead a double life every single day. I go to work and it feels like I have to put on a persona just to prove that I belong at the table and that shit is fucking exhausting. That person I am when I’m at work? That’s not the real me but people will see that person and make judgments about her, y’know? They’ll say that I’m ‘difficult’ or that I’m ‘cold’ or ‘standoffish’ when in reality they create an environment that is so toxic for women that they force them to be someone they’re not just to get by.”
Cassandra inhaled deeply, filling her lungs back up with air after her mini-tirade had come out on a whoosh of a breath. She was wearing an almost sheepish look as she surveyed Colton, an apologetic smile gracing her lips before she spoke again.
“Sorry for the rant that you literally didn’t ask for or need.”
“Hey,” Colton replied sincerely. “You don’t need to apologise. Honestly? I’m just in awe that you’ve not let the bullshit stop you, most people would have thrown in the towel and peaced out.”
“It’s definitely better now that I’m not working in New York, like, I know it’s still very early days but all my colleagues are really nice and the few attorneys from other firms I’ve dealt with have all been really respectful. I don’t know, it just feels different here. Don’t get me wrong, I love my city, I love New York but I don’t miss the toxicity of working in practice there.”
“Was it hard? Leaving your family and stuff? I mean, it sounds like you’re all pretty close,” Colton asked.
“So hard,” Cassandra nodded solemnly. “Mom and dad were devastated. Their only daughter moving nearly a thousand miles away? God, I remember their faces when I told them. Mom cried, fuck, I didn’t think she was ever gonna stop.” She paused briefly and Colton felt her sigh settle all through his body as her dark eyes found his. “I don’t know how much you know about Greek and Italian culture but family is everything.”
“I don’t but I kind of know what it’s like,” he spoke softly, hoping that she would pick up on the reassurance he was trying to offer her. “Picking up and starting all over again? Leaving your family behind? I know what that’s like and sometimes, when the summer rolls around and my work is done for the year, I almost don’t wanna go back home because it’s hard. It’s hard to see all the things you’ve missed and it’s hard to leave it all behind again but I wouldn’t ever change that feeling because it’s good to know that you have something you miss that much.”
Cassandra took a few moments to let Colton’s words settle in her chest before asking quietly, “where is home?”
“Canada.”
“Wow, so you’re even further away from home than I am. God, I’m sorry. I invite you in for coffee and pleasant conversation and I turn this into a ‘woe is me’ pity party for myself.”
Cassandra looked down into her glass and Colton felt an unfamiliar pull in his chest. It was as if a cloud had passed in front of the sun and the light had dimmed and everything suddenly felt that little bit colder. He wasn’t sure why he all at once felt compelled to open himself up to her, usually being one for his own company and never extending the hand of close friendship to any of his neighbours before, but there was something about Cassandra and the way that she already felt like a ray of sunshine in his life. If there was a way for him to chase the clouds away, even for just a little while, Colton was going to make sure of it.
“Hey, Cassie?” he started, quickly correcting himself. “Um, can I call you Cassie?”
Cassie looked up from her glass to find him looking at her with a newfound softness and she was struck by how much he reminded her of her ancestral home with the rich, warm sand of his hair and the ocean harboured within his eyes. She smiled then and much like a passing cloud, the sun seemed to come back out with that small quirk of her lips.
“You can.”
Colton set his glass down on the table then and folded his hands together, looking at her with a gentleness that was reflected in his voice as he spoke. “I know I’m not always around. My job it- it takes me away quite a bit but I want you to know that you don’t have to feel like you’re alone here. I know how rough it can be starting over in a new city and if I can help or if you ever wanna just talk or hang out, I’m here for you. You can even have my number, if you want, y’know in case you wanna talk or anything while I’m out of town and I just, I want you to remember that it’s okay to feel homesick sometimes.”
Cassie nodded at that because more than his words and the candour with which he spoke, it was the sincerity in his eyes as he looked at her that made her believe him wholeheartedly.
 Colton’s offer of friendship was one that Cassie had taken him up on and it was a state of being that came naturally to the pair. Cassie had learned about Colton’s job as the number one defenceman for the St Louis Blues during their conversation on her patio and while hockey wasn’t a sport that she professed to be well versed in, she still enjoyed hearing about his training, the games and everything that came with it, and she’d been around the Rangers fans in her family long enough to know that he was pretty big deal given that he was a Stanley Cup Champion. Colton, on the other hand, found himself completely in awe of Cassie’s role as a complex litigation lawyer for one of St Louis’ most prestigious firms, especially knowing a little bit more about her struggles to be seen and work her way up the ladder and while he couldn’t profess to be au fait with how it all worked and what was involved in her line of work and the litigation process, he loved to hear about the cases she was working on and how her work helped others. But above those things, their jobs were ones that kept them both busy and it was during the quieter times, the times that would have had them both seeking the solace of their own company once upon a time, that they would seek out each other.
It had started as cups of coffee and quick catch-ups in the brief respites of their hectic schedules, but had soon evolved into making time for lunches and even dinners shared over bottles of wine, continuing long after Colton’s season had ended before finally pausing around mid-July when he would be heading back North to spend the rest of the summer with his family. It had worked out fortuitously though as Cassie’s caseload had multiplied seemingly overnight and she would find herself working longer days and spending more time at the office than her own home. Colton was concerned of course, as any friend would be, and he would check in often when he knew she was working late. It’s not that Colton thought that she shouldn’t be working more hours, understanding enough about her job and role to know that the final push before a big court date often meant extended working hours to get everything ready, but he wanted to make sure that she was taking care of herself and wasn’t putting herself at risk of burnout.
It was a late-August evening when Colton called at around 7:30, just as he had been doing for the last couple of weeks, knowing that Cass would usually be home from the office by that point with her being an hour ahead in Missouri, even with her later working hours recently. The line rang for a few seconds, longer than it usually took for Cassie to answer him and Colt wondered if he’d maybe caught her taking a shower or making dinner. She answered eventually though, a little breathless sounding and an almost forced calmness in her voice.
“Cassandra Constantinou.”
“Cassie? Hey, it’s Colton. Is uh- is everything okay? Is this a bad time?”
“Colt,” she breathed, voice softening immediately. “Hey. God is that the time already?”
She ran a hand through her dark hair as a tired exhale passed her lips which had Colton furrowing his brow at the other end of the line and while Cass couldn’t see the slight worry that rested on his features, she could hear it in his voice as he spoke.
“Are you alright? You never answer your phone with your full name.”
“Sorry,” she murmured, slumping back into her desk chair. “Still in work mode.”
“Wait, are you still at the office?”
“Yeah,” she grimaced as she took a sip of her long-cold cup of coffee. “The court date for that big case I’ve been working on is in two days and I just need to make sure I’ve got all my ducks in a row. Time got away from me a little bit tonight and I was already behind from putting metaphorical fires out earlier in the day.”
Colton sat up from where he had been laid on his bed, unable to keep the concern out of his voice despite the fact that he didn’t want to come across like he was being overbearing.
“Have you eaten?”
“Lately?” Cassandra replied.
“Cassie-“
“I had lunch around 12:15.”
“Cass, that was 8 hours ago,” Colton chided gently. “You gotta eat, πουλάκι μου.”
Cassandra paused her action of moving papers aimlessly around her desk, a grin sparking at her lips for the first time that day and catching like kindling until it had spread the full width of her face and all the way up to her eyes.
“Did you just- have you been googling Greek pet names, Colton Parayko?”
Her tone was light and bright and Colton could feel her smile through the phone, feel the way it crawled through his skin and settled in his bones like a welcome ray of sunshine on a cold day.
“I-I,” Colton was flushing beet red and he was thankful that Cassie couldn’t see him in this moment because the redness in his face was quickly spreading to the tops of his ears. “I’ve been trying to learn Greek.”
“Oh yeah?” Cassie grinned with equal parts mischief and glee, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her desk. “Look, if you wanna learn how to swear at guys on the other team, you might not wanna call them ‘my little bird’, you totally could’ve just asked me if you were wanting to learn some Greek phrases. I can teach you all the good insults.”
“That’s not,” Colton sighed in mild exasperation, although inwardly pleased that this had provided Cassie with a much needed distraction from the stress of her work. “I just wanted to surprise you.”
Cassie’s grin softened immediately and she didn’t miss the way her heart constricted ever so slightly either. Her tone shifted to something much gentler and a world away from her playful teasing not a moment ago.
“Well, consider me surprised.”
“You don’t mind, do you?” Colton asked after a pregnant pause.
“Not at all. I think it’s actually really sweet and thoughtful.”
A silence descended between the pair but it wasn’t one that was uncomfortable, instead it allowed the seed that had been buried deep in Cassie’s chest since the day Colton had gone back to Canada to sprout and it was in that moment that she found herself really missing him. She missed him for a lot of reasons, some she could rattle off like how he looked out for her and made sure that she was taking care of herself, and others she wouldn’t understand fully until later. It was as if Colton could hear that quiet call of her heart in that moment where she found herself wishing that he was back in St Louis because he broke the silence with the words Cass had been longing to hear for weeks.
“So I’m coming back at the end of next week and I was hoping you would be free to hang out.”
“That would be amazing,” Cassie’s voice was rich through the phone with her smile and Colton couldn’t help the slight flutter in his chest when he thought about how pretty she looked when she smiled in the way he was imagining her to be.
“Yeah? I figured I’d come back a couple of weeks early before training camp because… well because I’ve really missed hanging out with you.”
“I’ve missed you too, Colt.”
Colton didn’t miss Cassie’s choice of words and had to fight to resist the urge to analyse them for anything other than what they were. She said it though, not just that she missed hanging out with him, but that she missed him and she had meant it too. She had missed him, more than she thought she ever would and maybe more than friends should miss friends, and despite it being the height of summer, Cass felt like she’d been living under a grey cloud since Colton had left for Canada. It should have rattled her with how easy it had been for Colton to become a part of her life, especially when she had been so used to her own company. It had been the same since she graduated law school – she would work, often long hours as was expected of new associates trying to find their footing in a firm, she would come home tired, she would eat, shower and sleep before getting up and doing it all over again. Any free time was spent either catching up on all the things she didn’t have time to do during her working week or with her family, knowing her parents and grandmother well enough to know that if she didn’t surface frequently there would be a freak-out of epic proportions. Since moving to St Louis though? Cass’s life had changed completely and in ways she never thought possible.
Work was still stressful, yes, but for the first time in a long time she felt valued and appreciated and she was on course for partnership if things kept going the way they were; but more than that, she felt a sense of fulfilment that extended beyond her career. Being friends with Colt was easy and it was as if the two of them had an unspoken mutual understanding of what they needed from each other and their friendship. Cassie understood the pressures of Colton’s job, just as he understood the stresses of hers and it was that awareness of each other and their lives that had allowed their friendship to blossom so easily. That time spent with each other, whether on Cassie’s back patio or curled up on Colton’s couch, was what they both needed to re-center and reset. Sure, they would talk about work but it was always kept brief because neither felt the need to discuss it in great detail, they both knew what it was like for them and they both knew that their time together was an escape from all of that. Some nights they’d sit in companionable silence with nothing more than soft music in the background, others they would talk and talk about everything and anything. But as the weeks had progressed, they found themselves saying goodnight to each other later and later and that hint of reluctance would creep in in the form of a too-long hug or a lingering look. It felt natural though, and good and right, and so it was incredibly easy to make firm plans for when Colton came back to the city.
The end of the work week brought about a successful conclusion to the case that had consumed so much of Cassie’s time and with the resolution that she’d worked so hard for came vast amounts of praise from her bosses and a lighter work load the following week. They’d even gone so far as giving Cassie the Friday off for her efforts but there were a couple of loose ends that needed tying up and so, despite their gentle protests and their best efforts to get her to stay home, Cassie found herself at her desk that Friday morning. As lunchtime approached and all loose ends were sufficiently tied, Cass turned her computer off for the final time that week and said her goodbyes as she headed out of the office. She’d use the afternoon to spruce her house ready for Colton coming over once he was back from the airport and she’d resolved to give her parents a quick Skype after receiving a string of text messages from her mother, with the last one being a threat to fly down to St Louis if she didn’t hear from her soon.
The baking late-August heat had Cass tearing off her pencil skirt and blouse no sooner had she stepped into her house. She cursed as she hopped down the hallway in her heeled pumps, the grey fabric of her skirt bunched around her knees while her clammy hands fumbled with the tiny buttons on the crepe silk blouse.
“Γαμώτο!” she exclaimed as she came dangerously close to slipping on the rug in her hallway and face-planting the floor. “ηλίθιο χαλί.”
She kicked off the shoes that had almost been successful in making her the proud owner of a broken neck and pulled her skirt down her calves, stepping out of it before pulling her half unbuttoned blouse over her head and tossing the discarded clothing into the hamper in the laundry room. She rooted through the shamefully full basket of clean clothing that sat upon the counter top until she found the loose cotton maxi-dress she was looking for.
After indulging in a cool glass of ice-tea, Cass set about tidying the house - not that there was much to do, but growing up in a family full of house-proud women meant that not a single cushion could be out of place if company was coming over, especially if that company was of the male variety (not that she’d ever share that bit of information with her mother). After all, as her Nonna Gioia would say: “a ogni uccello il suo nido è bello,” and even Cassie could appreciate that a beautiful nest was indeed a tidy nest.
It was close to 3pm by the time Cassie settled down on her couch with her laptop, the temperature inside the house much more comfortable with the whisper of a breeze coming through the wide-open patio door. She balanced her computer on the arm of the sofa as she started the Skype call to her parents, her mother’s voice the first thing she heard, even before the video had loaded and before Cass had the chance to say ‘hello’.
“Mamma mia, Cassandra! We thought you’d dropped off the face of the earth!”
“Hi, mom,” Cass smirked. “How’re you?”
“Not funny, il mio passerotta.”
Cassie watched as her mother inched closer to the screen with narrowed eyes, already expecting the next words that came out of her mouth.
“You’re looking thin in the face. Are you eating? Are you sick?”
“No, mama, I’m not sick and yes, I’m eating,” Cassandra replied with as much conviction as she could muster in order to appease her mother, her effort falling short with her mother’s next line of questioning.
“What are you eating?”
“Giovanna,“ Cassie’s father interrupted.
“Look at her, Hector! She’s all skin and bone! Don’t you want to know what she’s been eating? She could be living off celery for all we know! When was the last time you had a proper meal? You’re not doing one of those ridiculous diets are you? They’re no good for you, Cassandra, there’s nothing wrong with a woman having a bit of meat on her bones.”
“I’m fine, mama,” Cassie sighed, keen to steer the conversation away from herself. “How is everyone? Nonna okay?”
“Yes, yes, we’re all fine here. You should call your Nonna though, she misses that pretty face of yours.”
“I’ll call her tomorrow and arrange to Skype next weekend, give her chance to get someone to set things up for her.”
Conversation quickly turned to the family happenings back in New York, much to Cass’s relief. Her father had been incredibly busy with work, she’d learned and he’d finally got around to buying himself a new record player after Cass had spent the better part of four months trying to convince him that there was no salvaging the old one. After half an hour or so of catching up, Cass felt a mild sense of relief wash over her at the sudden realisation that she’d managed to get through any amount of time talking to her parents without the subject of her love-life being brought up.
“Oh, your cousin Antonio had a date with a very lovely girl last week. She’s a hairdresser, such a good girl.”
Ah, fuck.
“Really, mama?” Cass said indifferently, praying to whoever was listening that she wouldn’t follow that up with anything. “Good for him.”
“You know,” her father began, looking over his glasses at her. “If you didn’t work so much then maybe you’d have time to find yourself a man.”
“Baba,” Cass warned gently.
“Your father’s right, Cassandra,” Giovanna gently scolded. “You’re a beautiful girl, why haven’t you found a nice boy yet? You’re too young to be a spinster.”
“Exactly, mama,” Cassandra replied calmly. “I’m too young to be a spinster. I’m working hard to get where I want to be in my career. There’s plenty of time for all the other stuff. Didn’t you tell me to work hard at my job and do well for myself?”
“Well, yes, but I don’t want to be an old Nonna. I want to be able to run after my grandbabies and I’m not getting any younger.”
Cassandra opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by the sound of her front door opening and then closing with a soft click.
“Cass?”
Cassandra’s face flashed with a gentle confusion as she checked the watch on her wrist before contorting into mild horror at the sound of Colton calling her name again, louder this time – loud enough that it carried through the microphone and out through the speakers of her parents’ computer judging by the gleeful expression on their faces.
“Is that a man?” her mother said excitedly. “I heard a man’s voice. Who is he? Why is he letting himself into your house? Is he your boyfriend?! Why didn’t you tell us you had a boyfriend?!”
Colton appeared in the living room, a sheepish look on his face as he spoke.
“Sorry, is this a bad time? I caught an earlier flight and wanted to surprise you.”
“Cassandra Giulia Constantinou, you’d better answer me this second!”
Cass winced at her mother’s voice and threw Colton a glance that she hoped would tell him to run far, far away before her parents started making demands that would make Colton want the ground to swallow him up, demands that she was sure would make their friendship incredibly awkward.
“Bring him in,” her father asserted. “Let me get a good look at him, make sure he’s good enough for you.”
“Baba,” that warning tone was back in Cassandra’s tone and there was a look in her eyes that Colton found adorable but knew better than to make a comment describing it as such.
Whether or not his next move was against his better judgment would remain to be seen but Colton found himself coming deeper into the living room and sitting down on the couch next to Cass, Giovanna audibly gasping as he did so while Hector removed his glasses and surveyed the large man sitting next to his daughter.
“He’s very pale, does he not go outside? Is he sick?” Hector remarked. “It doesn’t snow in St Louis, does it? You’d lose him in a blizzard.”
“Ooooh, Cassandra. Isn’t he tall? And so broad!”
Cassie gave Colton, who had turned an interesting shade of crimson she’d never before seen, an apologetic smile before turning her attention back to her parents.
“Okay, could we try maybe not weirding my friend out? ‘kay, thanks and Jesus Christ, dad, you can’t just say stuff like that to people, I don’t even know where to start with how inappropriate that is.”
“I thought my tan was pretty good this year,” Colton muttered loudly enough that only Cassandra heard him and she had to fight with every bit of self-restraint she had to keep a straight face.
“So, young man,” Hector was speaking again; those eyes that were so remarkably like Cassandra’s were keen on Colton and Cass knew that she wasn’t going to like what was about to come out of her father’s mouth. “What is it that you do? Cassandra is a very bright girl and she shouldn’t be settling for just anybody. She deserves only the very best. Tell me why you think you’re good enough to date my daughter-“
“Okay, that’s it,” Cassandra interrupted, her tone sharper than Colton had ever heard it before. “αυτό είναι απαράδεκτο. δεν τον ανακρίνεις έτσι! είναι φίλος μου και είσαι πολύ αγενής!”
“Cassandra,” her father tried but he was immediately cut off by her once more.
“είμαστε φίλοι και τίποτα άλλο. σταμάτα να με πιέζεις να παντρευτώ” Cassandra paused for a second, as if to catch her breath from whatever tirade she’d given her parents that Colton could only begin to imagine before she spoke again, in English this time. “Now, if you don’t mind, Colton here has just got home from travelling and we have plans. I’ll call you again on Sunday.”
Whatever Cass had said to them must have worked, Colton thought, because their responses were much more subdued and they said their goodbyes rather quickly, Cassie closing her laptop with more force than was necessary and with a long exhale of breath that flared her nostrils.
“I am so sorry,” she started, her eyes apologetic as she surveyed him with a slight crease in her brow that made Colton’s heart tug in his chest.
“Hey, it’s okay. I shoulda-“ he rubbed his large hand over the back of his neck as he spoke softly. “I shoulda called ahead or something. Or knocked. Literally could’ve done a thousand things differently. Sorry for putting you in a spot there.”
“No, no, you’re fine. It’s just them. They mean well but fuck.”
Colton reached across and squeezed her hand gently, the touch managing to warm Cassie’s skin even on a day as hot as that one.
“Y’know,” he began, his tone light with a hint of teasing. “You’re terrifying when you’re pissed and start talking in Greek.”
He grinned as Cassie barked out a laugh, her head thrown back in that carefree way that made his stomach do backflips and her dark eyes sparkled behind her long lashes as she looked at him with a beaming smile, the annoyance that had rested on her features melting away into nothingness.
“Yeah? You’d do well to remember that, Parayko.”
“I wouldn’t dream of fighting you,” he quipped. “You’d kick my ass.”
There was a pregnant pause before Colton spoke again, unsure whether or not to say the words that sat heavily on the tip of his tongue. It was the gentle look in Cassie’s eyes, the smile that still graced her lips as she surveyed him easily and the way her thumb had taken to absentmindedly stroking the back of his hand that spurred him on, sure as he was that he could always be candid with her.
“What um, what did you say to them? I’ve never seen two grown adults look so timid after a telling off.”
Cassie chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, chewing over the words in her mind before she spoke them quietly, her eyes resting on Colton’s hand in hers.
“They just have this thing about me settling down and I get it, I’m their only child, I’m approaching thirty and they want grandkids. Remember how I said that family was really important to Greeks and Italians?”
Colton nodded, his eyes soft on her while he waited for her to continue.
“And every time we talk it’s ‘your cousin is seeing this girl’ or ‘the oldest Maloney girl is pregnant, isn’t that nice?’ and it is nice, it is, like, good for them, y’know? And I know my parents wanted a big family and I can’t even imagine how that must have felt, being told after the birth of your first child that she’d be your only child when they had all these plans to have lots of babies and have a big family. I want to make them happy and give them the grandkids they’d always dreamed they’d have, I do, but I’m not there yet, maybe sometime in the future but it has to be right. It has to be.”
She paused then, the rich earth of her eyes finding the summer skies of his and felt a flicker of a flame stir within her chest at how easy it was to just be like this with him, to be open and honest without fear of him somehow using that vulnerability against her. It was liberating and terrifying and everything Cassandra ever dreamed it would be when she eventually found someone she was comfortable sharing this part of her life with, that vulnerability and intimacy that was often so hard to show because of her line of work. But Colton was good and sweet with a pure heart and purer intentions and so she didn’t need to think twice about sharing this part of herself and what she’d said to her parents with him.
“I told them that they were out of line, that they can’t interrogate you like that and that their behaviour was incredibly rude. I told them that we were just friends and that they needed to stop pushing me to get married.”
Cassandra could’ve sworn that Colton’s expression had deflated slightly at the mention of their relationship status but before she’d even had the chance to process it, Colton had fixed his features back to the easy and gentle expression he usually wore around her.
“They just really care about you, y’know?” Colton said quietly after a brief moment of silence. “They want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” Cassandra assured and Colton couldn’t help but wonder if the conviction in her voice was for his or her own benefit. “I am. Moving here has been the best thing. Work is awesome, I have a house that I could only have ever dreamed of being able to afford in New York.” She paused again, making sure that she had Colton’s eyes on her before she dropped the volume of her voice to just above a whisper, “and I met you. How could I not be happy?”
Colton smiled, not big and bright, but soft and warm and filled with a tenderness that teetered on the edge of crossing the line of friendship. Here in front of him was someone he would have never imagined would become a good friend in the relatively short time they’d known each other, his best friend in fact and now that she was here, in his life and in his heart, he wondered how he’d ever lived a life without her because with Cassandra, nothing was ever forced and she gave him a strange feeling of freedom that he’d never had before. It was that kind of ease that makes the stresses of life fall away and whenever he was with her it felt like they could be the only two people on earth. She knew when he was struggling with the stresses of his job without him ever needing to say it out loud, just like he would know when she was under pressure with her own work but more than any words of encouragement they could give to each other to alleviate the stresses and burdens of life, it was that peaceful, secure feeling between them, that came so effortlessly, that pulled them towards each other like planets to a sun. It was then, in that moment, that Colton began to understand that maybe home wasn’t a place at all, it was a feeling. It was something that you miss when you’re without it and Colton could say with completely certainty that he’d missed Cassie.
Cassie and Colton would see each other almost every day over the course of weeks that followed. Even with the start of training camp, Colton found himself home every evening and Cassie’s work schedule had eased somewhat, meaning that she was often escaping the office at 5:30 on the dot. They would spend those precious few hours before sleep called them to their respective beds together, talking over dinner with a bottle of wine open between them before eventually retiring to the couch. Sometimes they’d find themselves talking all night, with the TV in the background forgotten about, others they’d watch something easy together (which led to Colton discovering that he really enjoyed Bake Off, much to Cassie’s delight) but their favourite nights together, or at least for Colton anyway, were the nights where they would share their favourite music with each other. Colton had admittedly not been much of a music enthusiast. Sure, he enjoyed listening to it just as much as the next person, but he would be the first person to confess that his listening never really extended beyond the radio. The same couldn’t be said for Cassie.
Much like her father, Cassie was the proud owner of an old record player that had been lovingly refurbished. If asked about it, she’d preface her love of the item by saying that it was probably the most extravagant purchase she’d ever made, but she would also make no hesitation in saying that there was just something about listening to Etta James or Billie Holliday on vinyl that digital versions just couldn’t hold a candle to. Colton loved that Cassie’s music preferences had been influenced by her family, he loved hearing about how her father had fallen in love with Stevie Wonder and Aretha Franklin when he first came to America at the tender age of 21, he loved hearing about how Cass’s father would purchase a new vinyl with every pay-check, something that had started when he first started earning money as a carpenter and handyman and still continued to this day. He loved how Cass could recall, with complete clarity, the way she would sit on the rug in front of the record player as a child while she watched her father unwrap the vinyl, filled with both excitement and anticipation at what wonderful music was held on the black disc in his hands. Colton learned that music had been such a prominent and important part of her childhood, whether it was listening to her father’s music collection with him and telling him about new artists to try or weekends spent at her Nonna and Nonno’s house filled with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. All of those songs had touched her life in some way and with each story Colton couldn’t help but feel thankful and grateful to see inside the heart that brought him such peace and happiness without even realising.
All too soon though, the season had started once more and once again Colton found himself on the road. This time it felt different though. Instead of the usual indifference he would feel about being away from the comforts of home, he felt an ache that had started in his chest and settled all through his bones. It wasn’t homesickness, at least not in the traditional sense of the word, because it wasn’t his house that Colton missed, it was the person that made him feel like he was home. It was the person who had taken the time to make him a Spotify playlist to listen to while he was travelling, that playlist that he couldn’t help but have on repeat because during those moments that the music filled his ears and filled his soul like sand in an hourglass, he was back in St Louis on her patio with her, drinking wine and laughing together with that same music filtering through the sliding doors. It was easy, in those moments where he would be on the plane with his headphones and that playlist on, to close his eyes and imagine the way her rich laughter crawls all the way through his skin and warms his heart like a shot of whisky on a winter’s day.
Cassie hadn’t really noticed just how much a part of her life Colton was until his schedule was pulling him out of the city and she found herself alone again during the evenings. She also found herself, in those moments, picking up the television remote and tuning in to Blues games, even going so far as reaching out to her cousins back in New York to pick their brains about the finer details of hockey, citing her sudden interest in the sport as a new hobby on account of her not wanting to throw Colton into the lion’s den. She’d made sure to test her newfound knowledge on Colton during their phone calls while he was away (which impressed him to no end) and had made a promise to come and watch him play his next game at Enterprise Center. It was that promise that had Colton wrapping up a blue jersey, with his name and number on, in pretty floral paper, going so far as adding a length of ribbon tied in a little bow on top, even if it did look a little droopy by virtue of his large hands and less than nimble fingers.
Colton was tired. A tough stretch of road-games had his body aching in ways that would ordinarily have him crawling into bed and not resurfacing until practice obligations demanded it, but it’d been almost a week since he’d seen Cassie and the promise of her company, a home-cooked meal and all the wine he could manage was something he wouldn’t dream of resisting. He had taken a quick shower once getting home before changing into a pair of jeans and a soft-knit sweater, making sure to grab the wrapped jersey and the small bouquet of flowers he’d picked up on his way back from the airport. He was a little early but he’d learned from experience that Cassie wouldn’t mind. He would simply make sure that she had a full wine glass and offer to help in the kitchen.
He let himself in as normal, the beautiful smell of rich tomatoes and herbs hitting him immediately and sparking a wide smile on his face. He didn’t speak immediately, the volume of the music she had on loud enough for him to know she wouldn’t hear him, but instead slipped off his sneakers and moved further into the house.
“Hai usato capperi?”
The voice that came from the kitchen belonged to an older woman and Colton found himself wondering if he’d missed something during his earlier conversation with Cass. He was sure she hadn’t mentioned having extra company but he had been picking up flowers for her at the time and it was entirely possible that he could have missed that small detail in the process.
“Non è una vera puttanesca se non usi i capperi. Me lo hai insegnato tu.”
Colton paused in the archway, his eyes falling to Cassie in the kitchen while his heart swelled to ten times its normal size at the sight in front of him. There was no one else there with her, only her iPad on a stand resting on top of the counter. It took a moment for Colton to realise that the voice was in fact coming from the device when he heard the older woman begin to speak again.
“Dimmi di più su questo ragazzo che ti piace”
Cassie laughed at whatever the older woman had said before replying, “Ti ho già parlato di lui, nonna.”
‘Ah,’ Colton thought. ‘This is the word famous Nonna.”
“Bene, dimmelo di nuovo!’ her grandmother chuckled. ‘Sono una vecchia signora e la mia memoria è terribile”.
If you asked him about this particular night at a later date, Colton wasn’t entirely sure how long he had stood there listening to Cassandra talk with her grandmother while her hands worked the pasta dough she had been making, but he would tell you that it was long enough for him realise what had been in his heart for a while. Because somewhere in between Cassie talking and laughing with her grandmother and their spirited rendition of the number he recognised as being Dean Martin that was playing loud enough through Cassie’s record player for her Nonna to hear, Colton understood what that recent feeling of homesickness had been. It wasn’t homesickness at all, it was love.
He wasn’t sure why the sight of Cass kneading pasta dough while Facetiming her grandma had made the penny suddenly drop for him. Perhaps it was the fact he could feel every bit of the love that this girl had for her Nonna, much like the love she had for every member of her family. Perhaps it was the fact that she had taken time out of her day to spend time listening to old jazz records with her grandmother just like she had when she was a child. Perhaps it was the fact that the woman in front of him was beautiful and intelligent and so unbelievably kind. But the truth and reality of it was that it was all of those things and above everything else, it was the peace and sense of belonging he felt whenever he was with her. It was having someone to be proud of and be proud of him in return and it was having someone to miss, having someone in his life who makes saying goodbye so hard. Cassie was all of those things and deep down Colton knew that he was those things for her too.
His feet must have heard the call from his heart that his head had not because before he could catch himself he was right behind her with his hand on her lower back, gentle and soft. She jumped slightly at the contact, not expecting him to be in her house for another twenty minutes.
“Sorry,” he laughed quietly before pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. “I figured I’d come over early and help but this all looks a little out of my ability range.”
“Guests don’t help the cook. Guests sit at the island, drink alcohol and mock those who are doing the cooking. Those are the rules” she grinned in reply.
“Mamma mia, Cassandra, cioè un bel giovanotto!”
Colton wasn’t entirely sure what Cassandra’s grandmother had said but whatever it was had Cassie groaning slightly and, unbeknownst to him, her face burning white hot.
“OK, ora riattacco il telefono,” Cassie groaned causing her Nonna to cackle wildly.
“Dagli un bacio per me!”
“Sei una cattiva signora,” Cassandra grinned before the pair said their goodbyes and she was closing the case on her iPad.
Cassie’s attention then turned to Colton who was leaning casually against the counter with an easy grin playing on his lips.
“So that was Nonna?” he asked.
“Yeah, that was Nonna,” Cassied laughed softly. “She was just checking in to make sure I wasn’t desecrating her spaghetti alla puttanesca recipe.”
“And were you?”
“Are you nuts? Do you know how angry Italians get when you don’t make their recipes properly? You might as well set fire to the flag.”
Colton barked a laugh at that, an impish little smirk on his face as he asked, “So cream in a carbonara would be a ‘no’?”
Cassie’s hands, which were rolling the dough ready for the pasta machine, stopped dead in their tracks, a look of abject horror on her face as she looked at Colton.
“Don’t even joke.”
“That’s one for the book then,” Colton grinned, referring to the little notebook sitting on his kitchen countertop that held all of his little tips and reminders he’d learned when it came to cooking, which Cassie found to be both hilarious and endearing in equal measure. “So your Nonna is okay?”
“Yeah,” Cass replied as she fed the pasta dough through the machine. “She said you were very handsome which is high praise indeed because unless it’s Dean Martin, Nonna doesn’t wanna know.”
Colton chuckled as he pushed away from the counter to fix them both a glass of wine.
“Your Nonna has good taste,” he smirked as he set Cassie’s full glass down beside her. “And what about you? Do you think I’m handsome?”
Cassie’s only reply was to suck air in through her teeth before giggling mischievously at the mock hurt on Colton’s face while his hand clutched at his chest.
“You’re wicked, you know that?”
“I get that from my Nonna too,” she laughed.
With Colton’s help, dinner was promptly served and Cassie asked Colton all about his recent trip while they ate. The first bottle of Barbera was soon empty and the pair were well on their way with the second one by the time their plates were clean of their food. Colton insisted on clearing the dishes away and loading them into the dishwasher, despite Cassie’s protests and soon enough they were both curled up on her couch with the glass pyrex dish Cass had used to make her tiramisu in and two spoons. The rest of the evening was spent in easy conversation, Cassie pressed into Colton’s side while his arm wrapped around her shoulders and held her against him. He couldn’t help the way his nose found the soft chocolate strands of her hair where her head rested heavily on his shoulder. They had been sitting in companionable silence for a while, with nothing but the smooth voice of Norah Jones filling the space between them but neither felt the need to speak, not because they didn’t have anything to say, but because there were no words that needed to be spoken, both content to just be there in that moment together.
That’s how it had been all along though, Cassandra thought as she listened to the steady beat of Colton’s heart beneath his strong chest. They had always been comfortable with just basking in the presence of each other, where nothing was forced or artificial. Every part of their relationship, from the moment Colton came to her rescue on the morning of her first day at work, to being in this moment with him now, felt natural and organic. It was easy to let him in and easier to open her heart and her life up to him and it was a trust that Colton gave back to her in spades. Cassie wasn’t sure if she really knew what love was, not having much of a positive experience of it herself and only having her parents’ and grandparents’ relationships to go off, but she believed that it had to be something just like this.
She wasn’t sure at what point she’d fallen asleep and she certainly wasn’t sure at what point she’d laid down with her head in his lap, but it was Colton’s gentle voice and the feeling of his fingers lightly carding through her hair that pulled her from the dream she was having, the memory of it slipping quickly away from her as she passed into the waking world.
“Cass? It’s almost midnight, πουλάκι μου… I gotta head home.”
He smiled softly as Cassie groaned while her eyes fluttered open slowly.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” she mumbled, the last little remnants of sleep still clinging to her voice.
“It’s okay, babe. I wish I didn’t have to go but I have some stuff that I need to do in the morning before practice.”
“Yeah,” Cass croaked as she sat up and moved so that Colton could stand. “Yeah, of course.”
She followed him out of the living area and down the hall to the front door, her eyes drifting immediately to the small bouquet of flowers and gift-wrapped package that sat on her console table.
“Colt?”
Colton followed her gaze to the gifts he’d brought with him.
“Ah shit, I completely forgot I’d even brought these. I heard voices when I let myself in and I guess I just got distracted.”
“You bought me flowers?” she asked as she picked the blooms up, smiling softly at the spray of freesias, peonies and baby’s breath before picking up the wrapped gift. “And what’s this?”
“Just a little something for when you come to the game,” Colton grinned as he slipped on his shoes before turning to face Cassie.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know,” Colton said softly, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “But I wanted to.”
There was a brief pause before Colton leaned in and placed a chaste kiss to Cassie’s cheek, his smile warm and gentle as he pulled back and with a tone to match while he spoke.
“If you’re home tomorrow afternoon I’ll come over with coffee and pastries after practice.”
With Cassie’s agreement plans were made for the following day and Colton said his goodnight before heading back home, already missing her despite only being next door. As Colton got himself ready for bed he let himself think about Cass and the way he felt whenever he was with her. She gave him the safe space to just be and that was something Colton wasn’t sure he would ever have the words to thank her for. He’d dated enough since going professional to know that not all women were genuine and that in itself made it hard for him to find a meaningful connection, but things were different with Cassie. She had her own life, was successful in her own right and didn’t care about who he was or what he did for a living. Instead, she was supportive and listened to what he was telling her, really telling her, and she always seemed to know what to say and, most importantly, when to say it because for all Colton was always open to hear someone else’s perspective, there were times where he just needed to he heard.
Cassie not only gave him that but so many other things too. She was bright and witty, thoughtful and patient, kind and generous but above all of her wonderful qualities, she’d been an incredible friend to Colton. That friendship was one that he cherished and he knew it was something she cherished too, but rather than be rattled by the idea of that friendship potentially becoming something else, Colton embraced it because it was only what he knew to already be true between them. Their friendship had laid the foundations for them to build something truly wonderful and Colton knew that he was ready to take that leap, but more importantly, he knew that he’d be taking that leap with an amazing woman by his side, and so, as he climbed into bed and settled his head against the pillow, he resolved to tell her his truth when he saw her the following afternoon.
It was a little after 2pm when Cassie opened the door to Colton, the promised coffee and pastries clutched in his hands which she gratefully took from him as she invited him inside. She arranged the baked goods on a plate while Colton poured their coffees into mugs and shortly after they were settled on Cassie’s couch with her sat cross legged facing him and her back against the arm.
“How was practice this morning?” she asked after swallowing her first sip of coffee, a gentle look on her face as she surveyed Colton.
“Yeah, it was good. Coach worked us hard but it wasn’t too bad.”
“Good,” Cassie hummed from behind her mug, eyes narrowing slightly at the way Colton was cradling his mug with his brow slightly furrowed. “Is everything okay with you? You seem a little distracted.”
“I um, I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Colton replied as he set his mug down on the coffee table and turned his body to face her better. “About last night.”
Cassie set her own mug down, giving Colton her complete and undivided attention. She didn’t say anything else, instead giving him the time and space to get his thoughts in order and say what he needed to say.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever really told you just how thankful I am to have you in my life.”
“You might have mentioned it once or twice, yeah,” Cassie grinned, causing Colton to laugh softly and some of that tension he was carrying in his shoulders to melt away.
“Well I am,” he replied, tone filled with sincerity. “But I’ve been feeling like something has changed between us and I think it started not long after I’d gone home to Canada.”
Cassie exhaled and chewed on her lower lip slowly, not entirely sure where he was going with this but unable to stop the little pit of dread from opening up in her stomach. She didn’t speak though and so Colton continued.
“I missed you, more than words can say really and while I loved going home and seeing my family, there was a big part of me that couldn’t wait to get back to St Louis and for no other reason than because you were in St Louis and I realised then, that home is wherever it is that you are. Then last night, coming in here and seeing you talking and laughing with your Nonna, God, you’ve never been more perfect to me because all I could see was that love and passion that you have for your family and fuck, Cass, I wanna be a part of that. I want to be a part of your world. We’ve not been just friends for a while and I know that it’s because I’ve loved you for a while, last night just kind of confirmed to me what I already knew deep down.”
“Are you done?” Cassie asked with a straight face and Colton looked at her a little stunned before nodding apprehensively.
It took precisely 1.7 seconds for Cassie to close the distance between her and Colton and crash her lips against his, and another .5 of a second for Colton to catch up and move his hand to cup the back of her head while he kissed her back. They stayed that way for a few moments, their lips moving slowly together in perfect harmony as Cassie manoeuvred herself into Colton’s lap while her fingers busied themselves in his hair, long-overdue for a haircut but Cass found to be a look that suited him along with the short beard he’d grown.
She pulled away only once her lungs had begun their gentle protest for breath before pressing another, quicker kiss to his lips, Colton’s brow quirking as she devolved into giggles.
“What’s tickled you?”
“Nothing,” she grinned. “Just that second one was from Nonna. She told me to give you one from her.”
Colton couldn’t help but laugh at that and found himself wearing a grin to match Cassie’s, still smiling even as their lips met once more.
“God, I can’t wait to meet her, all of your family, actually.”
“You, Colton Parayko, are either incredibly brave or certifiably insane,” Cassie teased as she carded her fingers through his hair, the smile still bright on her face. “It’s a lot, you think you can handle it?”
“I know I can,” he replied, all cocky and confident with a sparkle in his eyes that reminded Cassie of the way the sun kisses the Mediterranean on a summer’s day.
“Good,” she grinned with that bright and beautiful smile that Colton loved so much. “Because one of the perks of loving me is that you inherit a weird, obnoxious family who will drive you completely crazy but who are the most generous and wonderful people you will ever meet.”
“I do love you,” Colton said, his tone soft and a million miles away from what it was not a moment ago. “And I want this, I want you and everything that comes with that because this? Us? It’s perfect and it’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Cassie kissed him, slow and sure and soft while her hands moved from their home in his hair to cup his face while her thumbs swept along the scruff at his jaw. It was a featherlight, her touch, but Colton felt it spread all through his skin until it had filled every single corner of his body and had him feeling both grounded and weightless all at once. He pulled back a shade to look into her eyes, those brown eyes of hers that held all the warmth of an everlasting hearth, as if they were the wood that could burn with golden flames and yet be forever perfectly entire. In those earthly hues was his soul, those eyes that were filled to the brim with the kind of beauty that expands a moment into a personal eternity, a heaven he wished to always be a part of. So lost in that astral plain as he was, he almost missed her words, but they were the kind of words that go beyond hearing. They were words that he felt, in the way that she looked at him, in the way that she touched him and in the way that she spoke his name and hearing them said out loud only confirmed what they both felt in their hearts and in their souls.
“I love you too, Colt.”
Colton couldn’t help the smile on his face as he connected his lips with hers once more, sighing into their kiss. That feeling was there again, that feeling that had been there all along, that peaceful, easy feeling of being at home and while neither of them knew for certain what the future would bring, they knew that they would be okay while they always had each other. Neither Cassie nor Colton had ever really experienced what it was like to be in complete and irrevocable love, but somewhere deep inside of them, despite not really knowing what it was that they should have been looking for, they knew that it was something just like this.
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blackshinychevy · 4 years ago
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Let Me Go
Summary: Dean has to make a heartbreaking decision that effects both of you.
WC: 1.6k+
Warnings: Angst, Character Death
Pairing: Dean x Reader
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It’s late when Sam gets back to the bunker. There’s a huge thunderstorm outside that has most of the roads flooded and blocked off. He’s barely made it back with the take out he’d gone to get for he and his older brother, but the question of whether or not Dean will actually eat it is another matter.
Sam’s starting to become extremely worried about his older sibling. Dean’s always been a strong lover of food, the greasier the better. But Sam has noticed the drop in his brother’s appetite, as well as the newly made hole in his belt now that his jeans are becoming too loose around his waist.
As he walks into the kitchen, he sees Dean sat at the kitchen table, nursing a beer that has probably long since become warm. But Sam doesn’t miss the other five empty bottles beside him, as well as an empty whiskey tumbler.
“Hey.” He greets, dropping the plastic bag of food in front of him. “Got you a double bacon cheeseburger with extra onions and a side of fries.” Sam smiles in encouragement as he piles Dean’s favorites onto the table. “And...” Sam pulls out the last treat with a grin. “...cherry pie. Best around for miles apparently.” Sam’s smile wilts when Dean doesn’t even show he’s heard him. He merely continues rolling the beer bottle back and forth between his hands. “Where’s y/n?” The younger Winchester asks, glancing around the kitchen.
“In our room.” Dean states gruffly.
Sam knows at this point he needs to tread very carefully. One wrong word and Dean could snap again like he did the other night. It had taken Sam hours to put the library back to rights after his brother had torn through it like a hurricane during a drunken rage.
“Dean.” He sighs softly. “Don’t you think it’s time now? You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
Dean drops the bottle down with a clunk, raising himself to his feet and marching towards the door. “I’m going to bed.” He states, not even glancing at his brother as he leaves the kitchen.
Sam throws the takeout box onto the table in defeat. He’d tried. But he knows he can do no more than what he’s already doing. The next step has to be entirely up to Dean.
****
Dean stumbles into your shared bedroom, shutting the door with a little more force than was probably necessary and groaning at the headache that was forming behind his eyes. “Hey, baby.” He grins at the sight of you perched on the edge of the bed, a small smile on your face as watch him.
“Hey.” You greet him back, brow quirking as he makes his way over to you with a sway in his step. “How much have you had to drink?”
“Not enough.” He groans, towing off his boots and throwing himself face first on to the bed, eyes drooping closed almost immediately.
You sigh sadly at his pain. Dean’s never been good at dealing with his emotions, choosing to bottle everything up until it all reaches a boiling point. The other night was proof of that. You’d heard his drunken yelling as things smashed against the walls, as well as Sam’s voice, pleading for his brother to calm down.
“Dean.” You call softly, leaning over his body, lips almost brushing his ear. “Dean, we need to talk.”
“Later.” He grumbles. “Need some sleep.”
Your heart breaks even more. Unlike Dean, you don’t have the option of bottling everything inside. The both of you need to talk desperately. Because you can’t continue the way you’re going. It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you.
“Dean. This has to stop.” Your voice cracks at the end. This is going to be the hardest thing either of you has had to do. But it’s time. “You need to let me go.”
His eyes snap open and his body jerks off the bed to sit himself up right, and he looks at you with an expression that can only be compared to terror. “No!” He roars. “How can you say that?! Ask me anything, baby. I’ll do anything you want. Just don’t ask me to do that. Please.” Tears brim in the corners of his eyes and you hear the quiver in his voice. Your heart shatters in your chest as you keep your eyes on his.
“You have to.” You press. “This isn’t healthy, baby. You need to let me go. I don’t belong here anymore. We both know that.” A tear trickles down your cheek. “It’s not your fault what happened. You can’t keep punishing yourself over it.” You smile.
He sniffs, wiping roughly under his eyes to rid his cheeks of the tears. “Why’d ya do it? Shoulda been me.” He bares his teeth in anger.
It was supposed to be a simple hunt. A werewolf been terrorizing a small town and when the three of you had tried to take it down, things had gone horribly wrong. The werewolf it turned out, had a partner, and after it tried to strike Dean from behind, you’d jumped in between the two of them to save the man you loved. The next time you left the barn, Dean was carrying your cold and bloodied body in his arms. That was three months ago, and here you are still. Trapped in the veil, unable to move on due to Dean’s grief and guilt. The brothers had burned your bones on a hunters pyre, and despite not tying yourself to anything on earth, your spirit still lingered. Dean’s soul had latched tightly on to yours, desperate to keep you with him and unable to let go.
“I jumped between you and that werewolf, because you’re the only man I’ve ever been in love with. Only one for me. I could have the chance to do that day a hundred times over. And I’d still jump in front of you.” You sigh sadly. If only you’d known about the second wolf. Maybe you’d still be there with him. Able to hold his hand and kiss him awake every morning. Feel his warm skin on yours as he made love to you under the stars in the back of the impala. Maybe you’d have grown old together, had a couple of kids and gotten married. But that was never going to happen now. His heart was still beating. And your’s had stopped.
“How do I do this with you?” He whispers, eyes red as fresh tears fall. “I don’t know how to...”
You raise your hand, brushing it along his cheek, desperately wishing you could feel the heat of it against your palm. He leans into you, feeling nothing but cold air instead of warm flesh. “You’ve got Sammy.” You soothe. “He needs you too. More than I do. And you did just fine before you met me.”
“But I need you.” He whispers. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“I love you too. So much. And I’ll be waiting for you. But you need to move on from me, Dean.” He looks horrified at your suggestion, and you offer another smile of comfort. “You need to go on living. Find another girl, fall in love again. Have children with her. Marry her if she makes you happy. And one day, if I’m still what you want, I’ll be waiting for you on the other side.”
Dean’s head falls forward as he sobs into his hands. He tries desperately to catch his breath, feeling his heart splintering behind his ribs. If they could, tears would pour from your own eyes at the sight of him so distraught.
“I don’t want to let you go.” There’s an almost pleading tone to his voice, begging you to stay.
“We know what happens to ghosts that stay too long.” You say sadly. “Please don’t make me become like that.”
Dean runs a rough hand through his hair. It’s getting longer. Another thing he’s neglected since loosing you.
“I have to don’t I? I have to let you go.” He cries silently.
“Yeah, baby. You do.” You nod. You place your hand on his knee, and Dean stares at it wistfully. His eyes close as his mind flashes back to when you’d do the same thing from the passengers seat. Laughing over at him as he sang along to Metallica and you’d both head bang to Motörhead.
He remembers the first time he’d met you on a vamp case just outside of St. Louis. They’d needed backup and Garth had sent you their way with a quick phone call. Dean would never deny how he’d fallen head over heels the first time he’d seen you. Covered in vampire blood and swinging a machete like it was your own limb. He recalls the first time you’d said you’d loved each other. It had been in the middle of a heated argument after you’d been injured on a ghoul case. You’d walked away with a sprained wrist but Dean had acted like you’d lost your entire arm. He’d tried benching you and after you’d promptly punched him in the jaw for being such a Neanderthal, he’d blurted out that he refused to let the only woman he’d ever really loved kill her self out of stupidity. He’d made love to you for the first time that night. The best night of his life. He knows he’ll never love anyone the way he loved you, but if that’s what you want for him, he’ll do it. He’ll honor your memory and keep on living. He’ll do it for you.
Dean lets out a long sigh as he opens his eyes. He turns his head to look over at you and he feels his heart disintegrate in his chest. You’re gone...
*****
There you go guys! Another oneshot! I hope you enjoyed it and stay safe and stay tuned for more. More updates this week. Xx
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daddyissuesingreen · 4 years ago
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Dominance (Derek Morgan x GN! Reader)
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Gif creds: @idiosyncratique​
Genre: Smut
Summary: Your friend goes missing and you end up in the presence of Derek Morgan
Warnings: 18+,SMUT, NSFW, Edging, swear words, masturbation (male and female), kidnapping
Word Count: 2,306
A/N: Here’s an original concept for Derek Morgan, it is very smutty, so read at your own risk. i tried to make the smut as general neutral as possible, i did make a few errors by including female pronouns, I tried editing them out, so if i missed any just let me know and I will fix it!
Y/F/N= Your friend’s name Y/L/N= Your last name
You live in the city of St. Louis, one of the unsafest cities in America. 
Here in St. Louis there are a ton of robberies, shootings, and death, it seems as if nobody is safe at times, but you never thought it would end up being you or somebody that you cared about who would be somebody’s next target.
Y/F/N was supposed to come to your apartment last night, but they never showed, instantly you grew worried so you called 911.
“Hi, I would like to report a missing person, they are…” You started to speak, but were instantly interrupted.
“Let me transfer you over to Agent Morgan.” The dispatcher said.
Agent Morgan, the FBI is in town?
“Supervisory Special Agent Morgan.” A man spoke over the phone.
“My friend, Y/F/N, was supposed to come over last night, but they never showed up, I think they are missing.” You spoke, your voice cracking.
“Alright, I am going to need you to come into the station so we can ask you some questions, is that alright?”
“Yeah, I can be there in an hour.” You spoke quickly before you hung up the phone.
You quickly put your shoes on and were out the door, driving to the St. Louis Police Department, a place you hoped you would never have to be.
You walked into the building and were greeted by a blonde woman, “I am looking for Agent Morgan.” You say looking around the room.
“You must be here about your friend, I’m Agent Jareau, I will take you to Agent Morgan. Can I get your name?” The lady asked you while she placed a hand on your shoulder, guiding you to the interview rooms.
“ I am Y/N /Y/L/N.” You spoke softly as you entered the room and sat down.
“Alright, I will send Agent Morgan in a few minutes, is there anything I can get you?” She asked while she headed to the door.
“Uhm, no, I am good. Thank you, though.” You smiled smally and she walked out of the room.
After what felt an eternity later, Agent Morgan walked in and sat in front of you, “So, tell me about your friend.” 
“Uhm. They are the quiet type, they don’t go out of their way to talk to someone they don’t know unless they have to, they only talk to a few people, they stay home a lot, they aren’t in a relationship. They would never just run off either.” You spoke quickly, trying to make sure you gave him all of the important information and then told the agent what your friend looks like.
“Thank you so much, this helps a lot. What about you? Tell me about yourself.” He looked at you and then in a folder.
“What? Why? How is that important to the investigation? You are looking for my friend, not me.” You looked at him and then the folder.
“Our technical analyst did some digging and you fit our profile. You are in your early 20s, live a secluded life, not a lot of friends, you were average in school, you didn’t party a lot, and we had a piece that wasn’t fitting, and every time we tried to think of something it wouldn’t make sense, that piece? We think our unsub is female. You.” He spoke calmly, but when he said, “you,” he pointed his finger.
Your jaw dropped open, “first, Agent, don’t point at me. That is incredibly rude. And if I kidnapped my friend, why would I be here? I have watched all of those stupid cop shows, I know that would be inserting myself into the investigation and that is what you guys look for.”
The man smiled, “Not this time. And your knowledge of how this all works makes you look even guiltier, so why don’t you just tell me what you did to your friend and the others that were abducted and I will see about cutting you a deal.”
“I don’t need a deal because I didn’t do it.” You crossed your arms and leant back in your chair.
“Okay then.” He smiled again and walked out.
If that man didn’t seem like such a douche, you might have thought his smile was pretty.
You watched the mirror, wondering what man was doing on the other side of it.
“They are refusing a deal? That is when they will break and panic about what prison they will be sent to if they don’t accept.” Reid spoke to Morgan and Rossi.
“Either they are really confident they won’t get caught or they are innocent. Maybe we should explore some other possibilities.” Rossi said to Morgan.
“No need.” Hotchner said as he walked into the space where the other agents were.
“Their friend was just spotted on the outskirts of the city, they said a man took them from their driveway when she was getting ready to leave.” He looked through the window at you.
“So, are we searching for the man?” Morgan asked Hotch.
“No need. They used a log she found while running and when he thought he caught up to them, she hit him in his head and knocked him out and when the officers went to go look for him he was still there. They are bringing them in now.” Hotch said and walked out of the space.
“I guess I better go let them know.” Morgan said and walked into the room you were in. 
“Your friend was found and they will be okay, they are in the hospital.” Morgan spoke.
“Did they get the guy?” You asked and stood up.
“Yeah, they are bringing him in now.” He said and opened the door for you to leave.
You look at the man, profiling him like he did to you not long ago, “You need to stop being so confident that you’re right when you aren’t, I know it might be an interrogation tactic but it makes you look stupid, you also have to stop puffing your chest out to prove your dominance, because if we weren’t in a police station, I would dominate you. I’m not a little thing you can just boss around, that is where you were mistaken and that is why the piece fit. You assumed that I could convince people to come with me because I am not intimidating. I think you need to re attend your profiling class.” You said calmly and kept eye contact the whole time, further proving your dominance, what broke your eye contact was an older man laughing.
You turned and faced an older Italian man, “Keep laughing and you’re next.” You smirked and walked away from the agents.
After your experience with the agents you went and checked on your friend at the hospital.
They had obvious injuries and were going to need to see someone for a while after all of this, but other than that they seemed to be okay.
Your phone rang, it was an unknown number, you stepped outside of their room and answered it, “hello?” you asked.
“Hi, this is Derek Morgan I just want-” The agent spoke, but you rolled your eyes and hung up.
“Men.” You scoffed and walked back into your friends room.
“I am going to head home for the night, I have to feed my dog, but I will be back in the morning.” You smiled and gave them a small hug before walking out of the room and going home.
On your way home you notice a car following, “this day just keeps getting worse and worse.” You muttered before pulling into your driveway, pepper spray in hand, you got out of your car and walked to your door as the car pulled in behind your car.
A man emerged from your car and you immediately recognized him, “So the FBI makes house calls to annoy people they accused of being a murderer?” you laughed and put the pepper spray in your purse and opened your door.
The man also laughed, “No, I just wanted to apologize and say you were right about what you said earlier.” he scratched the back of his head.
“Hm. Which part?” You smirked.
“I was hoping all of it...if you’re up to it.” He also smirked and walked up to you at your door.
“This isn’t very professional, Agent,” you placed a hand on his chest, “do you do this after every case.”
“Not usually, but there’s just something about you that makes me want to.” He placed his hand on top of yours.
“And that is?”
“Dominance.” He said and kissed you while pushing you inside the door, kicking it shut.
“Oh. I see,” you pull away from the kiss, “my bedroom is down the hall, first room on the left, be naked when I get in there.”
The man just nodded, any alpha male dominance he tried to act like he had was instantly gone.
After a few short moments you walked into the room, stripping as you walked, and saw the man laying on your bed, already hard, waiting for you.
You smirked at the sight and walked to him slowly.
Once you got to the man, you sat on the bed beside him, looking at his cock and then his face. You grabbed his cock in your hand, spat on it and began to pump it. Derek became a moaning mess within seconds.
“Damn, baby.” He flexed his abs.
“Hm?” You hummed looking at him. 
Humming. It gave you an idea. 
You removed your hand from his length and bent over his cock and kissed the tip.
He looked at you wide eyed, but then nodded for you to do it.
You first licked all around the tip and massaged his balls.
You then began to suck just the tip, teasing the man who was very rude to you earlier, this is the perfect time to exact your revenge.
“More.” Derek moaned.
“I’ll do as I please.” You smirked and then licked his shaft, keeping your hand on his balls.
You then began to bob your head up and down on his cock, pumping whatever you cannot fit into your mouth.
You increase your speed when you can tell he is close to cumming.
“I’m gonna cu-” You cut him off by removing your mouth from his cock, causing him to lose the feeling of pleasure just before he came.
“What was that for?!” He chuckled and went to put his hand on his cock, but you smack it away.
“You don’t get to cum until I let you, and I don’t want to yet.” You smirked and then placed your hand back on his cock and started to pump it again.
The agent was once again a moaning mess, you watched him as he closed his eyes and began to breathe heavily.
You removed your hand and he looked at you, “Again?” he asked.
“I want you to get yourself off.” You smirked, grabbing his hand and placing it on his cock.
You watched as he began to jerk himself off. You felt yourself getting more and more turned on by the sight. 
While you watched the man you could tell he was close again, this time you let him cum.
He let out a loud moan as he released.
You crawled over him backwards and began to ride him. 
He went to grab your hips, but you smacked them away. “No touching.”
He looked at you with wide eyes, once again, but he obeyed you.
You bounced up and down on his cock, moaning like there was no tomorrow.
The agent just watched as you bounced, he thrusted up into roughly, earning a moan from the both at you.
While thrusting, Derek reaches your spot easily, something you were not receiving while it was just you bouncing.
“Fuck, Derek.” You moaned loudly.
“You’re so good at this.” 
You grabbed his throat, squeezing light, earning a smirk from him, “Shut up, Derek.” You continued to bounce with your hand on his neck.
You felt him twitch while in you, you pulled off of him and laid next to him.
“Watch me.” you reached and began to play with yourself.
You played with it vigorously and moaned loudly.
Derek watched as you got yourself and grabbed his cock, but you told him not to and to just watch.
You let out a loud moan and came while Derek just watched.
“I want you to give me some head.” You said in a chilled toan and Derek just nodded.
Derek put his head in between your legs and licked your sex, you put your hand on the back of his head, pushing him closer. 
The feeling of his tongue all of your sex was overwhelming and you quickly came again.
He pulled away and kissed you roughly before pulling abruptly.
Derek flipped you over and quickly pushed himself into you, thrusting quickly.
He slapped your ass and you moaned.
“Do I feel good?” You breathed.
“So good, I might just have to subscribe.” He moaned.
You both hear a ringing come from Derek’s pants.
Derek groaned and pulled out, “that must be my boss. I gotta go. Sorry, sexy.”
Derek got off the bed, as well as you, and you both got dressed.
“You know where I live if you ever want to do this again.” You chuckled as you walked him out.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” He kissed your cheek as he opened the door.
“Travel safe.” You smiled out and he left your apartment.
What a night that was, part of you hoped you would hear from him again, but were also happy if it was just a one night stand with the man made of Chocolate Thunder.
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hotchnersbiitch · 4 years ago
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Hands of Another
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A/N: I’m absolutely in love with this request. I hope you guys are too!! Buckle up my friends, its a long one. 
Request: @jojosgirlkat1dluvr
Pairing: Derek Morgan x Reader 
Category: Angst and fluff 
Warning: kidnaping, violence, cursing 
Word count:  2,003 ~ 8min
-
“Good morning good lookin,” Derek says cheekily as you walk into the bullpen, you chuckle as you make your way to your desk, Derek close on your tail. 
“Good morning Derek,” you say with a sweet smile setting your bag down on your desk before flattening down your blouse. 
“I need everyone in the briefing room, we got a case.” Your boss Aaron Hotchner says sternly as he walks into the meeting room. 
“I’ll see ya in there sweet thing,” Derek says with a smile before turning to head to the briefing room, classic Derek you thought to your self. You would never admit it out loud but you had the biggest crush on your coworker and close friend Derek Morgan. You knew better than to think that you had a chance with him, you were nothing like the other girls he has dated in the past. There’s no way in hell he’d ever look at you as anything more than friends. You walk into the briefing room sitting next to Spencer. 
“Hey, Spence.” You say as you sit down patting his back. 
“Hi Y/N.,” he says with a smile as he hands you the case file. When you open it you couldn't help but cringe. You knew this was going to be a tough one. 
“Our unsub is abducting women in St. Louis Missouri, between the ages of 20 and 30, he tortures them before killing them by strangulation. He’s dumping the bodies behind local hospitals.” Hotch says explaining the case to his team. 
“It’s almost like he’s feeling remorse by dumping them outside the hospital,” Emily states looking at the crime scene photos. 
“How would that show remorse, they are already dead the hospital can’t do anything,” Derek says. 
“He thinks that by dumping them at the hospital gives them a ‘chance’ to be saved. He is clearly feeling remorseful after the fact.” You state before Spencer joins in. 
“It is not unusual for unsubs to drop their dead or nearly dead victims outside of healthcare faculties, it makes them feel less guilty by thinking that they are going to be able to be saved making the unsub feel like he’s almost doing the right thing.” Spencer elaborates and you nod in agreement. 
“Either way we have a killer on our hands and we need to hurry before he kills again. Wheels up in thirty.” Hotch says before walking out of the room. 
“Let's go catch this guy team.” You say before heading to your desk to get your go-bag and head to the plane. 
When the plane lands in St. Louis you and the team head straight to the police station to get to work, the whole team knew there wasn't much time until he strikes again. There wasn’t much done besides addressing the profile and checking out the crime scenes. 
“This guy is good Hotch.” You say standing next to him as you both survey the scene.
“Yeah, but we’re better. We better head to the hotel, there's not much we can do, and we're running out of daylight.” Hotch says in his signature authoritarian voice.
“I’m going to stay behind and look around some more, we are missing something, I just know it.” You say, your boss lets out a sigh before nodding, he knew better than to argue with you. You were just so passionate about every case, you could never sleep on a case until it was solved. Hotch gathered the team, before everyone left Derek came up to you. 
“You comin’?” Derek asks placing a hand on your shoulder, you could almost feel yourself physically melt under his touch. 
“No, I told Hotch I’m going to stay behind and look around some more. There's something here we're missing, I’m going to find it.” You say and Derek chuckles, shaking his head. 
“I know you will, you're good at what you do. Be careful, call me when you get to the hotel okay?” You smile a soft blush forming on your cheeks at his sweetness.
“Of course,” you say before Derek walks off and your team heads to the hotel for the night, leaving you alone with the other officers that were still cleaning up the scene. You walk around the scene surveying different areas behind the hospital. By the time you made it to the other side of the building the cops were gone, they offered to wait but you insisted they went, you had your gun and your SUV was only a few yards away. Besides, you weren't afraid of this guy you knew he was a coward.
 You walk up to a dumpster, you don't remember you or anyone else checking it out earlier you went to step up to look into it when you felt something cold press your back. 
It was a barrel of a gun. 
You closed your eyes knowing exactly who it was, your unsub. 
“T-take your gun out and put it in the dumpster. N-now!” the man demanded, you knew better than to argue with him. 
“Alright, alright,” you mutter as you slowly pull the gun out of your holster before reaching up and dropping it into the dumpster. 
“I’m going to l-lead you to my car, you scream or try to run your d-dead.” the man stammers out, he was nervous you figured he would be, this isn't what he's used to. He’s becoming bolder you knew he would kill you if you resisted him. He pushes you to the car jabbing the gun into your back to hurry you up. Once your in the back seat he pistol whips you, then everything went dark. 
Back at the hotel, Derek was waiting for you to call or at least text him to let him know you made it to the hotel. It wasn't unusual for you to stay behind at a scene, you always felt like you could see things clearer when you were alone. And most of the time it did work, you'd discover something you missed before, it was almost like a sixth sense to you. Derek nervous about your whereabouts got up and went to Hotch’s room knocking on the door, he promptly answered looking tired as always. 
“Did Y/N come and get her hotel key from you? She hasn't texted me she's here yet so I didn't know if she got her key and maybe fell asleep forgetting to let me know or something.” Morgan explained, Aaron could tell he was worried. 
“No, she did not. Call her.” Hotchner ordered feeling much more alert now at the fact he didn't know where one of his agents was. 
“Straight to voicemail Hotch, this isn't like her,” Derek said running his hands over his head. 
“Gather the team...now!”
You woke to ice-cold water being poured over you, you gasped and quickly sat up shocked. You looked up and saw the unsub standing over you, an evil smile on his face. Out of nowhere, he yanks you up by your hair, you yelped in pain, you tried to fight back but to no avail. Your hands and feet were bound, the man laughed before dropping you on the floor, you take in a deep breath, you didn't want to fall apart in front of the man. You didn't want him to know you were scared and make him feel powerful. 
“My team is going to find you!” You yell but only to be silenced by being kicked in the face, you could taste the blood in your nose and mouth. 
“No they won’t, you're all too stupid to find me. I sat there and watched you all search the scene and no one even noticed me. You'll end up just like the rest of them.” He says that evil smirk still plastered on his face. 
“Fuck. You.” You state looking him dead in the eyes, his face filled with pure rage at your words. He immediately started beating you, kicking you in the stomach and back repeatedly, stomping on your head, punching you in the face. You tried to take it for as long as you could but the pain was becoming too much, tears started running down your face, mixing with your blood. The man smiled grabbing you by your face making you look at him. 
“Not so tough now huh? Bitch.” he said before spitting in your face and kicking you in the head, you were out like a light. 
You were awakened again, but this time by the man's hands around your throat. You panicked, this was it, you were going to die. You didn't know how long you were out or how long you have been here. Hours? Days? Weeks? You had no idea, all you knew you were scared and wanted out, you tried to squirm under him but he only tightened his grip on your throat. So tight you could feel your trachea being crushed under his grip, you felt like you were about to pass out.
“FBI! Step away from her!” You instantly recognized Aaron's voice, thank god. Your relief was cut short when the man ripped you off the floor and put a blade against your throat. You were gasping for breath your eyes wide as you stared at the wonderful team before you, they were your family, you didn't want to die in front of them. 
“Let her go!” Emily yelled stepping closer to you and the unsub, bad move. The man pressed the knife harder against your throat, he was about to drag it across your neck before gunshots rang out and you fell to the floor again. Derek rushed to your side cutting off the rope that was keeping you bound together, you were still gasping for breath from almost being strangled. 
“MEDIC! I NEED A MEDIC IN HERE NOW!” Derek hollered before looking down at your battered face. 
“You're okay pretty girl, you're gonna be okay.” He said tears stung in his eyes, you started crying clinging to him as EMTs rushed to your side loading you on to the stretcher. 
“Morgan you ride with Y/L/N and we will meet you at the hospital,” Prentiss instructed and he nods running after you, getting into the back of the ambulance with you. Derek held on to your hand as the EMTs addressed your less serious wounds and hooked you up to a morphine drip. 
“I knew you guys would find me.” You say your throat feeling incredibly sore, Derek nods kissing your knuckles, you blushed but you didn't care you were in pain. 
“I wouldn't ever leave until we did. I promise to make sure you're never hurt at the hands of another again. I promise.” Derek says tearing up, you were honestly quite shocked at his reaction.  
“Derek, why are you so worked up. It is okay, I’m okay. They got me hooked up to drugs, I feel better already.” You say with a small chuckle trying to lighten the mood but Derek didn't budge. 
“No Y/N I’m serious. I love you so much and I’ve been too much of a coward to admit it to you. Then he took you and I was so worried I was never going to be able to tell you how I really felt.” He says tears now streaming down it his cheeks, you were flabbergasted at his confession, you started crying too squeezing his hand that was still holding on to yours. 
“I love you too Derek. I’ve been afraid to admit my feelings also.” You say softly and Derek smiles kissing your hand. 
“I’m going to protect you, I'll never let anything like that happen to you again. I promise.” He says standing up in the ambulance and placing a soft kiss on your busted lip before sitting back down. You just smiled at him, you knew he would. At that moment you knew that Derek would love and protect you to the best of his ability, and you promised to do the same for him. 
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marleneoftheopera · 3 years ago
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You did read the book, didn't you? Christine is a blue-eyed, blonde Swede. Raoul is a French aristocrat. Erik is quite likely also French/German and white. Historically, it was highly unlikely any of the characters were black or POC, except for the Persian. I have no gripe against Lucy St. Louis. I truly hope she does well. She seems like a sweet woman with an okay voice and is thrilled to be portraying Christine. Her joy is reflected in her photos.
We'll see if Cammack chose her because she's black, not because she earned the role - meaning having a respectable theatrical resume like, say, Holly Anne Hull who was stepped over by ALW and Cammack. You know, those 2 guys who supposedly love her so much they will possibly have a photo spread for her, even though that is rare for alternates. Is this in case Lucy bombs? Is having 2 alternates and an understudy in case Lucy bombs? It isn't a matter of her being black overall - theater has been introducing black actors into roles traditionally portrayed by white actors, because the characters themselves would likely be white in the world they are living in. I agree with the anon who suggested writing roles for people of color that are about people of color - Miss Saigon comes to mind.
Ultimately, the proof of the pudding is in the tasting, as they say. She will not doubt be praised as you have been doing for weeks now. But will she be praised because she is terrific in the role or because she's black? I hope it's the former.
Yes, I did read the book. And as I have said before, color of skin really does not matter in most cases. Unless a role specifically calls for a certain race, everyone should be given the chance to be in that role. What bothers me is that people have been saying all over social media that "Christine is not black in the book" or falling back on the historical excuse. Yes, historically there would not have been a black person in the lead. Frankly, there probably wouldn't have been a black person even in the Corps de Baller. Yes, Christine is blonde in the book. But the musical features her as a blonde, not all of the actresses cast have blue eyes, and a very small number of them have been Swedish. If these people were so concerned about being faithful to the book, they should have started complaining years ago. But no, they have waited until a black woman was cast. That shows me that they don't care a ton about the book itself, but more about finding an excuse to justify them being uncomfortable with a black woman as Christine.
Onto the next part. I do not think that there are 4 Christine's in case Lucy "bombs". While it isn't done a ton, I think it is actually smart. Many times they have needed an emergency cover Christine right after a cast change because someone got sick, the understudy wasn't rehearsed, and they need at least 2 people splitting the shows. Anouk most likely doesn't need as much Christine rehearsal as Beatrice will since Anouk has done the part already. And Holly reprising her role combined with Anouk gives them a good starting foundation. And once Beatrice is rehearsed, that means they will have 3 backups for Lucy. Broadway did the same thing for quite some time as well with Elizabeth Welch and Susan Owen. And they also have some 4 understudies for the Phantom and Raoul too. So I don't think it has anything to do with whether Lucy will need to be replaced or not. I think it's covering their bases and giving another woman of color the chance to go on as Christine. And when Lucy does decide to leave, yes Holly could take her spot.
I agree as well that writing roles for people of color is important. But casting people of color in roles predominantly played by white people is equally important. Plain and simple.
Finally, anyone with common sense (though that seems to be a rarer thing nowadays) will realize that praising Lucy is a two-part situation. She should and has been praised since the moment her casting was announced. And deservedly so since she is breaking a huge barrier. Even if she was the worst Christine singing or acting wise, she would still deserve that praise. But I, and I think many others, are not judging her Christine fully because she has not done a public show yet. So it's sort of impossible to form a complete opinion. We are sending encouragement, hoping she does well, and beginning to get a sense of her based on the clips we have seen. But I don't think anyone has room to say what her Christine is like until opening night. Or maybe even a month after once she settles in.
Bottom line, I hope that she is judged solely on her performance and praised for making history. I personally have a feeling that she is going to be a lovely Christine. Once she settles in, I think she is going to be one of those Christine's that does everything right. Some people will like that, some people may not.
Now do I think that the color of her skin was part of the reason why they cast her? Going by what we have seen of Cammack and ALW, yes. For good reasons along with a few selfish ones perhaps. But regardless, it is the audience's job to make sure that she knows her skin color is celebrated, but also that she as a performer is celebrated as well. Hopefully, others also see that too.
And finally, if Holly herself is not slighted in being the alternate, then I think people should stop insinuating that she was stepped over. A woman of color gets to be in the lead, Holly still gets to do the part, they are both employed in a Covid world, and there is a good chance that Holly could become principal when Lucy decides to leave. We don't know, Holly may have even wanted the alternate spot. At any rate, Holly seems like she is having a great time. We should all stop speculating and arguing over skin color and just enjoy the new cast and that Phantom is returning after an awful year.
I also want to note that not everything in this post is directed at you, anon. But it is some things that I want to get off my chest to certain people in general. I also find it funny that everyone who has mentioned anything about Lucy's skin color remains anonymous.
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fandom-imagines-stories · 4 years ago
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No Worse Company
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gif credit: @holylulusworld​
Dean Winchester x Reader
Words: 2385
The Deal S2 E2: Series Masterlist
Summary: The reader copes with her return while Jody tries to get a hold of the boys. Cas deals with what Lucifer did while possessing him. 
Notes: Here’s the next part in Chapter Two of the Deal Anthology! I hope you guys enjoy it. This one feels a little like a filler, but I’m really excited for the next part. 
-
He couldn’t stop looking. After everything that happened- all of the pain and the anguish, all of it his fault- he couldn’t stop looking. He had to find Lucifer and he had to put him back in hell. He owed you that. 
Driving down the road in his stolen truck, Cas’ eyes fell on the passenger seat. He frowned. That drive to St. Louis didn’t seem so long ago anymore. Sam and Dean’s cries as they watched the hellhound tear you apart were still fresh in his mind. He had turned away. At the time, he thought it's what you would have wanted. For him to have his final memory of you be one of your smiling face, content with the family you had found. Now he felt like he had turned his back on you. Now he was cursed to see your screaming face forever. 
He had to find Lucifer. 
Cas glanced down at his cellphone and sighed. Multiple missed calls and unopened messages from Dean filled his screen. He couldn’t face them. Not until he found the Devil.
-
One Week Ago
The police officer that found you had found some clothes that were two sizes too big but you took them gratefully nonetheless. You were sitting at her desk, staring blankly at a photo beside her computer. Her big happy family smiled over a picnic table on a beautiful sunny day. You wanted to put your fist through it. 
“Alright sweetheart, I’ve got someone on their way to pick you up.” The officer gave you a small smile. 
“Did you find Dean?” 
“Not exactly.” She pulled up a seat across from you. “It’s a good thing I was the one that found you. I don’t know much about those Winchesters, but I know that if any other cop in this joint put them through the system, they’d probably take you in for questioning. Fortunately for you, I have a friend up North that told me to give her a call if I ever heard the names Sam or Dean Winchester.”
“Look, I appreciate your help, but I can’t stay here.” You stood up, but she blocked your path. 
“Well you’re certainly not going out there on your own.” Her expression was caring, but stern. “I don’t know what happened to you, honey, but I know that going out alone will only make things worse for you.” 
“Believe me, I can handle myself.” Nothing in this woman’s imagination could even remotely describe everything that had happened to you. Still, the officer stood her ground.
“Right now you’ve got two choices. You can either stay here and one of the other officers will take you to a hospital, or you can come with me and we can meet Jody half-way.” 
“Wait… Jody?” Your face softened, the idea of seeing a familiar face warming your cool exterior. 
“Yeah, Sheriff Jody Mills up in Sioux Falls.” She put her hands on her hips. “Do you know her?” 
Jody, even though she wasn’t much older, was like a mother to you. She helped you and boys out when you needed and had saved your life on more than one occasion. You pictured being enveloped in one of her hugs and a small smile crept onto your face. 
“I used to.” 
“Then let's get moving. We can get you something to eat on the way there.” The officer grabbed her keys and started towards the parking lot. As you followed her, something caught your eye. Your face reflected back at you in the glass of the window and a moment of panic nearly took you off your feet. Your eyes were black. 
-
Now
You could tell that Jody had been walking on eggshells for the past week. After everything that was going on, you couldn’t really blame her. When she saw you the first time, she tried to kill you, thinking you were a shapeshifter or some other kind of monster. When she realized that it was really you, she was speechless for the entire ride back to Sioux Falls. 
Jody had been trying to get a hold of Dean for the past couple of days, but to no avail. The longer you waited, the more and more you debated running away in the middle of the night. Could you face him? Jody said that you’d been ‘dead’ for three years. A lot had changed. You knew that you were his Y/N anymore. Maybe he wasn’t your Dean. 
“Coffee?” Jody offered, holding a mug in front of you. 
“Thanks.” You took the warm ceramic mug and held it between your palms. The heat spread across your skin as the smell wafted up to your nose. Who knew a cup of coffee could hold so many memories. Sitting across from Dean in the kitchen of the bunker or looking over a case with Sam in the middle of the night with only caffeine to keep you going. 
“I might be a little later at the station today. Do you think you’ll be okay here?” 
“I think I can handle a few more hours of daytime television and boxed mac and cheese, Jody.” You smirked. She shook her head with a light chuckle. 
“I have to say, I missed that snark of yours.” She finished her own coffee before putting on her coat. “Now you call if you need anything, okay? I’m going to try and get a hold of the boys again.” 
“Jody…” You started, but looking at her hopeful face, you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. Of course she would think that reuniting everybody would solve everything. She didn’t know what was lurking under your skin. You put on a smile. “Have a great day.” She put a hand on top of yours.
“You too, sweetie.” 
She glanced back at you with a flash of concern before the front door closed behind her. 
“I thought she’d never leave.” The voice made you jump out of your seat, the coffee mug sent shattering on the floor. A woman walked in from the hallway with a smug smile on her face. You lunged across the table, reaching for a knife from the counter. She grabbed your arm and pinned it to the table. With a single blink, her eyes turned jet black. “Boo.”
“Lavina.” You gasped, trying to yank your arm away. 
“Aw, you missed me.” She laughed, raking her nails across the back of your hand just deep enough to break the skin. “So how’s my little protégé doing back up top?” 
“How are you here?” She let you go and you examined the scratches. 
“What? You think the security in Hell is really the top priority right now?” She wandered around the kitchen, picking up the knife you had been reaching for and twisted it back and forth in the light. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to kill you. That’d be too easy.”
“Then what do you want?” 
“I’m just checking in to see how you’re holding up.” Lavina flipped on the radio and laughed at the tune. It was just the last few seconds, but it still sent a chill up your spine. 
“You know that you’re the only one to say okay. But you’re motorin’ yeah motorin’.” 
“I remember this one.” Lavina smirked. “Didn’t this used to be you and dreamboat Dean’s song?” 
“Shut up.” 
“What? Aren’t you excited to see your sweetie-pie Winchester again?” She read the fear behind your glowering eyes and chuckled. “Or maybe you don’t want to see him. Maybe you know.” 
“I have no idea what you’re talking about you black-eyed bitch.” 
“Maybe you know that whatever soul you’ve got walking around in that meat suit isn’t all you anymore.” The song on the radio ended and you recognized the next song as Bad Company. “Man, this station is on fire this morning! There’s no worse company than yourself when you’ve become what you have.” 
You tried to block out her words, but you knew that she was right. So you turned away so she wouldn’t have the satisfaction of seeing your fear. Your fists clenched at your sides. 
“Get out.”
“Sooner or later, you’ll be begging to come back to me. Begging to finally tear all of those souls apart. Begging to embrace what you really are. Let’s just hope you realize it before your precious Dean gets hurt.”
Bad, bad company til the day I die
With an angered scream, you grabbed a plate and hurled at Lavina’s head. She caught it and held it out in front of her. Clicking her tongue, she let it fall to the floor. The sound of the ceramic shattering made you jump. 
“Don’t worry. You’ll know how to find me.” The pieces cracked under her boots as she walked across the kitchen and vanished down the hall. 
You were shaking- from rage or from terror, you didn’t know. The image of your reflection back at the police station had been haunting your thoughts ever since. You had yet to look into another mirror out of fear of what you’d see. Lavina was right. Whatever Amara had brought back, it wasn’t you. 
-
Sam was surprised when Jody told him to meet her at the station rather than at her house. Maybe Dean was right. Something just felt off about this whole thing. Dean’s whole body was tense, his eyes scanning every part of the room, expecting to see a monster ready to pounce. 
“There you boys are.” Jody let out an exasperated sigh and pulled both Winchesters into a hug. Both could tell how freaked she was. Sam pushed back and put his hands on her shoulders. 
“Jody, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. There’s just… there’s a different problem back at my house.”
“Is something wrong with Alex? Or Claire?” 
“No, no. It isn’t them. Alex has been taking a nursing course in Rapid for the past two weeks and god knows where Claire is.” She ushered them into her office and closed the door. “No, this is… weirder. It’d be best for you guys to just see for yourselves, but I wanted to prep you first.” 
“Prep us for what?” Dean asked, that deep feeling in his gut returning. Jody looked at him with sympathetic eyes. 
“For what you’re going to see.” 
“Jody, what are you talking about?”
“I can’t explain it. I don’t know what happened. One minute I’m dealing with a couple of pot-smoking kids and the next I’m getting a call from a friend of mine saying that…” She took a deep breath to keep from rambling. “Like I said, it’s better for you to just go and see her yourselves.” 
Sam and Dean exchanged a look and Dean’s forehead creased with confusion. 
“Her?” 
-
Cas stood alone, looking out on the vast lake before him. His search was getting him nowhere and nothing was helping with the visions. Everywhere he looked, he saw hands slick with your blood. Every car horn or singing bird was replaced by your screams. He was supposed to be your friend. Lucifer used that against him. 
“Cas, please I know you’re in there somewhere.” You cried, just earning another punch to the gut. 
“I’ve got to admit, you’re holding up a lot better than Dean ever did down here. Only took him 30 years to give in. It’s been, what, 300 for you?” He blew out a low whistle. “For a while, I liked having Crowley as my chew toy, but when I found out you were down here, man I just couldn’t resist.” He laughed as he ran his finger down your bloody arm. 
“Cas…” You pleaded, screaming when he drew a blade down your face, just missing your eye. Blood dripped from your temple, making it hard to see You were used to pain by now, but this was different. This was looking at the face of your friend and seeing only malice. 
“Lavina told you about good old Dean getting ganked by Metatron, right?” Cas’ gave you a fake pout. No, not Cas. Lucifer. “I mean, come on. Metatron? Of all the angels in heaven that’s the one that quote-unquote ‘Michael’s Sword’ bites the bullet for?” He laughed picking something up from the table. “I guess that’s not really the right expression, right? His death went a little more like this.” 
He shoved the angel blade deep into your chest and your mouth fell open, but no scream came out. He grabbed you by the hair and lifted you up so his lips were by your ear. 
“All of this- the suffering and the torture- was for nothing. You saved Dean only for him to die a few months later. You’re death meant nothing. You mean nothing.” When he let you go, you fell to the floor, held up only by the chains on your wrist. Your blank eyes stared back up at him. Not that it mattered. You’d be awake soon enough for him to start over. 
-
When they got to Jody’s house, Dean had one hand on his pistol and the other clenched at his side. Sam stood up a little too straight, clearly on edge from whatever lay beyond that door. Jody turned the key and the three went inside. When Jody got to the kitchen, however, her face fell. 
“Damnit.” She muttered, pulling out her own weapon. The boys joined her, looking down at the shattered plate on the floor. Sam and Dean went to search other rooms in the house while she cautiously opened the back door and peaked out into the yard. With a sigh, she holstered her gun. “Out here, boys!” 
Sam was first, but he froze on the spot. He just stared, eyes wide and heart pounding. Dean had to push past him to get out the door. When he did, that feeling in his gut made him sick to his stomach. The last time he saw that face, it was being torn apart. 
You dropped the whiskey bottle into the grass and felt tears welling up in your eyes. He was finally here. 
“Dean…” You gasped, wanting to reach for him, but you couldn’t move. You were frozen under his glaring eyes. It wasn’t until his pistol was aimed at your head that you snapped out of it. 
-
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iamtheblondestblonde · 4 years ago
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Clear as Day
 Part One?
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AN: Here’s some friends with benefits with Vince that I came up with in between cases at work. Vince if you’re reading this I’m so sorry please stop right here but also hmu I swear I just wanna be friends. I don’t know much about being a pediatric nurse (financial law anyone?) but I did volunteer at a hospital for a while so I hope it’s not super far off. I have plans and some stuff written for a part two that could be the same length so let me know you want one but it could be complete like this. (First person narrative but again no names or descriptions for the mc)
Warnings: language, definitely (also English isn’t my first language so perhaps some mistakes) and smut, also definitely (yes you read that right I did it again)
Word Count: 13.3k
I loved my job. I really did. I found it rewarding to be able to make tiny faces light up but I was currently on my second day of 12 hour back to back shifts, with yesterday closer to 14 hours, and I just really wanted to spend the entire day in bed.
It wasn’t even 7 a.m. yet and the streets of Toronto were already bustling, everybody preparing for a busy day. The sound of the ice cubes sloshing around in my coffee had become a staple background noise for the walk from the employee parking lot to the front entrance of the hospital, it soothed me.
As soon as I stepped into the building I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face, despite being sleep-deprived and basically needing a break already. There was a new drawing pinned to the wall by the nurses’ station and if the image of my smiling face wasn’t a dead giveaway already, it was hard to miss my name written on top of it in big bold letters.
It had started out as a joke really, a half-hearted complaint about me not getting as many drawings as others because most of my patients didn’t stay long in the ICU. From that moment on Lucas, my only long-term patient right now and all-time favorite teenager, had made sure that there was always a new one waiting for me every week. He was really good at drawing as well and I had an entire stack of amazing portraits, landscapes and lots of other random things at my apartment that I cherished dearly.
“He wanted to give it to you himself but then we had to give him something and he asked me to put it up so you’d see it as soon as you got in.” I turned around to see Mariah standing behind me, her face showing the same look of fondness as mine. Most of the nurses were pretty convinced that he had a crush on me and while I had to face lots of playful jabs because of that, she never gave me shit about it. She was probably about to head out and I knew that she only stayed behind to tell me this so I made sure to thank her.
“Is he up yet?”
“Surprisingly not, although he should be soon. He’s had a rough night and he stayed up way too long to draw but I doubt that anything could ruin this day for him, two dreams coming true and all.”
As soon as her words registered with me I mentally facepalmed, I’d completely forgotten that we’d get a visitor in a couple of hours. Because of Lucas’ surgery he hadn’t talked about hockey all that much lately, so I’d kind of forgotten that today he would get to meet one of his idols. I was about to respond something when I spotted Sydney waving me over.
Sydney was in charge of all of the pediatric nurses during the day shift, meaning that I had approximately three seconds to make my way over before she’d get impatient because she was always so busy. I waved goodbye to Mariah and speed walked over to Sydney, curious to see as to what she needed of me. She never beat around the bush, always coming straight to the core of things so I didn’t expect the conversation to last long and today was no different. She probably held the world record for fastest talker.
“So you know we’re getting a visitor today which means that I need someone to run a tight ship for me. You’re young and perky and I asked around and people love you. I know you helped with some of the Leafs the last time so you should already be familiar with the protocol. This is a big hospital and I want all of the kids on the list to get a chance to talk to Mr Dunn and that won’t happen if he gets lost so I want you to stay with him at all times, got it? I’ll get one of the on-calls to take over for you during everything.”
I couldn’t even get a word in before her pager went off and she jogged off after practically thrusting a file into my hands, unable to respond anything as she said something over her shoulder about this being a gift. I stared after her with my mouth hanging wide open, not really comprehending what had just gone down yet.
Being ‘young and perky’ had apparently just managed to get me demoted from a RN to a babysitter for yet another over-confident celebrity which didn’t really feel like a gift at all.
Lucas had told me all about how great this Vince apparently was but I had seen my fair share of famous people walking around these halls with camera teams following them, it was kind of a part of working with sick kids. There were exceptions of course, some of them were really nice but those were usually the ones that didn’t visit the kids for some good PR. While I was glad that it would make Lucas happy it didn’t really impress me anymore.
Besides I hadn’t really paid attention to hockey ever before, although it was hard to escape the hype right now with me being a St. Louis native. Some of my friends had sent me pictures of the parade from about a month ago but I hadn’t really paid much attention because I’d been slammed with work, not recognizing any of the players either way.
The file Sydney had given me consisted of a schedule for the day and a list of the kids that wanted to meet Vince, which was surprisingly long for this being a hospital in Toronto and him playing for the Blues. Even with my limited, read non-existent, hockey knowledge I was pretty sure that the team wasn’t liked very much in the league but I blamed it on them winning. Sydney was right, we would have to make good time to get through everybody.
I couldn’t exactly spend forever going through the file because I had mostly new admissions assigned to me and that meant lots of charting and running tests. I did spend my break reading through everything and trying to come up with a plan while shoveling food to my mouth at record speed however. Even if I wasn’t exactly thrilled with this assignment there was absolutely no way I wouldn’t be prepared. I would leave this hospital with the best possible impression of me, all things be damned.
It was kind of hard to focus on what was written in front of me though when I had three other nurses standing close by and ranting about how hot Vince apparently was. Lucas had shown me his hockey card a few times but I didn’t really know what he looked like because I was usually busy putting in a new IV line at the time, something he’d come to hate so talking about hockey was the perfect distraction. I was tempted to google him but before I got the chance my pager went off, signaling that the incoming convoy was about to arrive.
Unable to stop myself I checked my reflection quickly in one of the mirrors on my way out of the restroom. Call me vain but I didn’t want to end up in any pictures or videos looking like a total slob, even if it was just in the background. I’d taken the time to shower this morning but I definitely would’ve added more than the layer of concealer if I’d known about this earlier. At least I’d gotten my brows done and my lash extensions refilled a couple of days ago. Deciding that it was too late to do anything else about it I walked towards the front entrance with the file in my hands, making sure one last time that I knew where to take this Vince first.
It wasn’t hard to spot him in the group that arrived, the big shiny trophy he was lugging around kind of a dead giveaway.
He was good-looking, I had to give him that. Not in the rugged handsome way however, it was more of a defined features and beautiful way. The kind of look that got you dubbed as a pretty boy during high school, the polo shirt he was spotting only reinforcing that image.
I couldn’t really imagine him playing ice hockey. He was fit of course, but he wasn’t as big and bulky as I’d thought and if I had to guess I’d peg him as a baseball or lacrosse player, perhaps soccer even. If all hockey players looked like him however, I might have to catch a game or two after all.
I walked over with my big work smile plastered on my face, hand outstretched and he set the cup down to shake it as I introduced myself first. I caught him looking me up and down quickly but I wasn’t really one to talk because I’d done the same exact thing just seconds earlier.
“Hi I’m Vince, nice to meet you. Love the scrubs by the way”, he responded with a dazzling smile, gesturing at my outfit. Compliments weren’t a bad start, especially since I was wearing one of my favorites with an adorable blue and pink dinosaurs print.  
“Thanks, one of my friends paints them for me.” Not willing to dwell too long on awkward small talk I continued: “Do you want me to get like a wheelchair for the cup or are you gonna carry it the entire time?”
“I think I’d get a lot of shit for not carrying it so thanks but no thanks.”
I quickly introduced myself to the rest of the team before herding everyone towards the elevators because he had to be upstairs in a couple of minutes. The camera team was more intimidating than I’d thought and I tried my best to distract myself from it as I pointed out different things around the hospital, only hoping that I wasn’t rambling without making any sense.
I was pretty sure that Vince could tell that I was uncomfortable because he kept our conversation going the whole time, obviously trying to make me laugh. His own laugh was hard to ignore and by the time we walked into the room where a livestream would take place the smile on my face was real. At least he wasn’t just easy on the eyes but he seemed fairly entertaining so far as well.
I watched him do the stream with Owen, who I’d spent some time in post-op with after his surgery a couple of weeks ago, and then stood close by as he talked to the long line of patients and people who were able to come up here. Sometimes when he saw a special needs kid getting closer he’d turn to me to ask for advice and tips and even all that ruckus didn’t stop him from keeping up a normal conversation with me.
He’d pick up right where we left off whenever there was a small break in between people and I wasn’t only amazed at his multitasking, but also at how amazing he was with the kids. He made me show him how to hold a baby and I think I’ll never be able to forget the image of a cute little baby boy in the cup.
“I ate cereal out of there this morning”, he whispered conspiratorially to me after the mother was finally done thanking him and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Of course you did. I hope you put it in the sink afterwards at least.” He gave me a wounded look, as if me insinuating he was not a clean person was hurting his ego and I laughed even more. I couldn’t really tell if he was trying to flirt with me or if he was like this with everyone but the mixed signals he’d sent me all afternoon were starting to get confusing.
“You think so lowly of me, I thought you’d know better by now.” With anyone else the wink he sent me as he delivered his line would have probably been overkill but somehow it worked for him.
The fact was that I did know better by now, even if it had only been just under two hours. I probably hadn’t been this wrong about something since I absolutely botched a math test in tenth grade thinking I aced it and he had turned out to be nothing like I had imagined him to be. Perhaps the early morning sleep-deprived me lacked the sense of being able to assess character that I usually had.
When I told him that it was time to leave he looked at me with a puppy eyes, pleading with me to let him stay a little longer. Working in pediatrics I got this a lot but somehow it had a whole different effect on me coming from a 6 feet tall hockey player with lips that were practically made for pouting.
“But there’s still some people left that I haven’t gotten to.”
“There’s also some kids that couldn’t come up here because they are too sick waiting for you in the ICU and you won’t be able to see all of them in time if we don’t go over there now. There’s a tight schedule for a reason you know.”
“Fuck the schedule, I’ll just stay longer,” he said with a cheeky grin but not before covering the ears of the little girl in front of him with his hands so she wouldn’t hear him curse. At this point I felt like it was way too easy for him to make me laugh but at the same time I didn’t really want to do anything against it. These halls had seen worse things than people laughing after all.
“You fit right in with all of my patients, you know that? And don’t you have plans with the cup for this evening?”
I didn’t get an answer straight away because Vince took his time to talk to the last five families left in line before we made our way back to the elevators. I had kind of forgotten about the camera crew that was there to document it all until all of us were crammed back inside the tight space, my shoulder brushing against Vince’s arm so I wouldn’t bump into any of the expensive equipment.
“I promised to make an appearance at this club but they’ll wait for me. By the way, you should come as well.” At first I thought he was joking, surely he had to be as we’d only met, but his try at a winning smile told me he was anything but. Again, was this him flirting or was I losing my mind?
“Shooting your shot while you’re in my good graces because of the kids, I see. I’m gonna have to disappoint though, I’m stuck here till seven and then I have another 12 hour shift coming up tomorrow so I can have a four day weekend.” I had already kind of accepted that we would never see each other again, especially with me turning him down now, and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a bit sad about it.
“That sounds brutal. I’m throwing another party at my condo on Saturday if you’re free then.”
“I’m actually driving up to a lake house with some friends for the weekend, sorry.” By now I really was interested because he seemed fun and I wanted that for my last few weeks up here but his timing was truly the worst.
“Wow, you’re really making me work for it,” he let out a teasing chuckle then, running his hand up and down his neck in a very distracting move as he contemplated his next words “I’m assuming you have a busy week next week as well so perhaps next Saturday?”
“Ummm.. I already agreed to meet some friends at a bar on that Saturday,” his face fell at that so I couldn’t help but add “but you’re welcome to meet us there if you want to see how the working class parties. Bring some of your friends as well if you want.”
The smile he gave me at that was equivalent to that of a five year old patient when they get told that they could have a slice of the chocolate cake and it made me glad that there was no one monitoring my heart rate at the moment.
-
The next day was just another regular day at work and while I had lots of fun yesterday, I was glad to be back in my comfort zone. Working days was anything but boring and I had been so busy that my watch told me I’d already reached my step goal for the day halfway through my shift.
I finally had some time to update the charts while sitting down at the nurses’ station, desperately hoping for some down time soon so I could perhaps even grab another cup of coffee to stop me from climbing into a free bed and taking a nap right there.
I’d seen many people pray in this building and not all of them got what they wished for but somehow today must have been my lucky day because just as I’d finished that thought someone cleared their throat in front of me. I was ready to answer some questions from worried parents but what I totally didn’t expect was Vince standing there with two coffee cups.
“I thought I’d drop this off as a thank you for babysitting me yesterday and I had a feeling that you’d need it”, he said before giving me one of his dazzling smiles. He looked good in a black t shirt and some jeans, his perfectly styled hair in contrast to the messy bun currently on top of my head. That is if the rat’s nest could even still be called a bun.
“Vince Dunn you just keep on surprising me”, I responded with a breathless laugh, not really knowing what else to say at the sweet gesture. What do you say to a good-looking hockey player that not only asks you to spend time with him three times but also takes the time out of his day for this?
Well, besides thanks, obviously.
Vince handed me one of the cups and I took a sip before looking up at him in surprise.
“How do you know the way I like my coffee?”
Instead of answering, he pointed at something behind me and I turned around to see the coffee order list I’d started a while ago in case someone decided to grab some for everyone, my name on top of the sheet.
“I noticed it yesterday in passing, I swear I’m not a stalker or anything.” He blushed at this and it was so cute and unlike his otherwise smooth self that I couldn’t just let him off the hook.
“You know, that’s exactly what a stalker would say”, I responded with a sly smile and while his face turned even more red he burst out laughing. By now we had the attention of every nurse close by and I was pretty sure that all of them were eavesdropping but who could blame them, I’d do the exact same thing. People here lived for the drama, kind of a given with how much time we spent in here because it didn’t really leave much space for a life outside of these halls. Especially if said drama involved a very hot hockey player.
“I’m changing the topic now before I embarrass myself in front of you even further just so you know. I did actually come here for one more thing,” he trailed off before bending down to pick up a bag that I hadn’t noticed before, too distracted by the guy in front of me. “I brought this for Lucas so he has something to show his friends once he gets back on the ice.” He pulled out a Blues’ jersey and turned it around so I could see that it was one of his, complete with a signature and a small message.
Lucas had been an avid hockey player himself up until his kidneys basically decided that they didn’t want to work anymore a while ago. Things had gotten so bad that he had to permanently stay in intensive care with us until after months of dragging people in here to get tested they finally found a donor in a family friend last week. At least his surgery had gone well and while I’d miss having him around, I was glad that he’d finally get discharged to recover at home later today.
I took another sip of the coffee before getting up and walking next to Vince to Lucas’ room. Lucas greeted me with a smile, which only grew after he saw who was following me into the room. Despite having struggled for so long he had always been in a good mood, even when he had to celebrate his fifteenth birthday in the hospital a few weeks ago.
“Look at you, it’s your last day in here and things just keep on getting better.” Vince and Lucas did the handshake they’d come up with yesterday, something that was absolutely necessary as a hockey player or so I’d been told.
Lucas had grown up in Chicago and he’d seen Vince play for the team there but had only really started paying attention after the apparently best fight ever Vince had gotten into at one of the games. Obviously not my words. The connection between the two of them had been instant and all the hockey talk had my head spinning more than during the first few weeks of nursing school so I made a quick exit, leaving them to it.
“I bet every nurse wishes they could trade spots with you right now, me included by the way”, Rachel, my partner in crime since day one of our college classes together, said as soon as I returned to my spot at the station.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about”, I responded, acting clueless. With a raised brow she reached for my coffee cup, spinning it around to reveal a small note written on the side of it that I hadn’t even noticed before.
“You sure about that? This fine specimen of a hockey player just gave you his number and you still act like there’s nothing going on? Besides, everyone saw you two getting all chummy yesterday.”
I snatched the cup out of her hands, quickly checking if the coast was clear before pulling out my phone to add his number to my contacts while keeping my head down so I wouldn’t have to look her in the eyes.
“Oh wipe that shit-eating grin off your face. All I get is annoying parents and you get hot dads and famous athletes hitting on you out left and right. Like leave some for the rest of us girl, it’s not fair.”
-
Even though I’d shot Vince a quick text so he could have my number as well, I never really expected anything more than his response that he’d saved it.
To say I was surprised when he texted me the following week was definitely an understatement. It wasn’t a booty call either, no, he’d texted me in the middle of the day asking if I was working days or nights this week.
Me: days as usual but I’m actually on-call today, got luckyy
Dunner: so you’re home right now?
Okay so perhaps this was a booty call after all. Not that I particularly minded.
While his first response had been pretty fast he took a little longer to answer after I told him that I was home indeed. Laying on the couch in an oversized shirt and yoga pants rewatching some Grey’s Anatomy on to be exactly. Almost the same as working. The rainy weather set the perfect mood for a lazy day in though so I hadn’t moved from my spot ever since returning from the gym this morning.
Dunner: this Chinese place near me has a special two for one offer today and I wanted to bring you some to work
I still wasn’t sure if this was him flirting but I’d also never had somebody I’d only met a week ago offer to bring me food to the hospital so he had to be, right? I sent a screenshot of the message to Rachel but I knew that I couldn’t count on her responding to it anytime soon, seeing as she was actually at work right now. I decided to be forward, telling him that I wouldn’t complain about some good food either way.
Inviting someone who was basically a stranger over to your apartment generally wasn’t exactly the best idea, but I counted on the impression I had of him so far and the reputation he surely had to uphold as a NHL player. Besides, we had lots of medical equipment scattered around the apartment so surely I’d find a syringe or something to defend myself if needed.
Dunner: I’ll be over in 30 so try not to get called in before then  
True to his word the bell didn’t ring much later. I’d debated making an effort and changing but I wasn’t about to wear jeans or a skirt to hang out so that didn’t leave many options. Brushing your hair wasn’t nothing either so that counted in my opinion.
Vince had gone through the same train of thought as well apparently because he looked super cozy in some sweatpants and a hoodie that had gotten slightly wet, presumably from his walk from his car to the building as our parking situation was really shitty. He stepped inside and reached up to run his hand through his damp hair before shaking his head, making little droplets of water fly in every direction.
“This is why they don’t allow dogs in here”, I laughed, gesturing to my shirt that now looked like an abstract splash painting.
“Let me make it up to you with some of the best food you’ve ever had because I brought lots” was his response as he lifted the bag of take out while slipping off his shoes by the door, hair now sticking in all directions.
“Alright Dunner, show me what you got”, I said with a wink over my shoulder as I made my way into the kitchen, continuing my bold streak from earlier. I had also learned by now that nicknames were even more important than handshakes as a hockey player. I was pretty sure I’d heard him mumble something along the line of ‘Gladly’ but I was already too far ahead of him to be absolutely certain.
“You’re watching Grey’s Anatomy? Isn’t it like crazy inaccurate?”, he asked with a look at the TV in the living room as I hadn’t bothered to pause the episode.
“Yeah of course it is but I still like it somehow. It’s like the hospital equivalent of bad trash TV shows so it’s kind of my guilty pleasure.”
“Okay give me a quick summary of what I need to know for this episode so we can watch it while we eat.”
I looked at him like he was crazy but he urged me on, looking up at me expectantly from where he’d sat down on the couch. Eventually I gave in, trying to keep explanations as short as possible but even then it took me quite a while to get through, yet Vince never once looked like he was bored. He didn’t lose his interest in it after that either, only looking away from the screen to decide what he was going to eat next, all of the choices delicious just like he promised.
Stuffed like a turkey on Thanksgiving the both of us stayed unmoved on the couch watching episode after episode. Somehow my legs had ended up on his lap and his hands were resting on my knees, drawing slow circles as we made eye contact from time to time. Every few minutes his hand would inch up a little and with him biting his lip as he did it there was no way I would stop him, any doubts about his intentions long gone by now. I couldn’t stop the smile spreading on my lips as his hand finally reached the top of my thigh, softly kneading the sensitive part on the inside. If I was into hand porn, I would have orgasmed already at the sight of his hands wrapped around my thigh.
“What are you grinning about?”, Vince asked with an easy smile himself, looking at me in a way that told me that Meredith had long lost his attention.
“Just waiting for you to finally make a move.”
“I was trying to be somewhat of a gentlemen but I really can’t help myself with you wearing those pants..”
“Well you seem to be awful at it so don’t be one then”, I teased back feeling confident yet again.
In a flash he had somehow - I’ll probably keep wondering about the details for the rest of my life - managed to lift me up enough to shift me so I was straddling his lap, now turned on by his manhandling and the way he was currently looking up at me. For a second both of us stared at each other, trying to figure out if this was really going to happen. Vince lifted his hand from my hip to my face, slowly pulling me down towards him.
Our lips didn’t even get the chance to connect before my phone started ringing.
I jumped up from his lap, immediately recognizing the ringtone I had set for all work calls and almost kneeing him in the crown jewels in the process. One look at my screen told me that it was an emergency which prompted me to run into my room cursing. I quickly pulled on the pair of scrubs I’d laid out in the morning, one hand still pulling the top down while the other was trying to attach my badge properly by the time I made it back into the living room. Vince hadn’t even moved from the couch yet, eyes wide and legs still comfortably spread apart, a sight that made me want to climb back on top of him but unfortunately I couldn’t do that.
“I’m so sorry but I gotta go, you don’t need to rush though. Feel free to keep on watching if you want but please don’t rob us and make sure the door is closed if you decide to leave after all, it locks automatically. The food was delicious thank you very much and bye!”
I barely heard him saying bye as well before I was already through the door, not really looking forward to spending the next few hours in the chaos that usually came with emergency calls. Especially after how much I’d enjoyed spending time with Vince and how much I wished that we would’ve just skipped all of the testing-the-waters stuff and would’ve just went at it like madmen.
-
The weekend couldn’t arrive fast enough and by the time it was Saturday I was ready to abandon all of my plans so I could sleep the rest of the day. I’d gotten in late last night after working overtime and I probably would have stayed in bed till noon if it wasn’t for Rachel and Mariah bursting into my room at nine in the morning. At least they didn’t wake me at the crack of dawn and the cake they were carrying to my bed looked pretty delicious as well.
“Look at you, another year older and yet still sexy as fuck”, Rachel exclaimed as she hopped onto the bed beside me after they’d finished their horrible rendition of Happy Birthday. Mariah settled on the other side of me and I guess my friends knew me well enough because we didn’t move from that position except to grab some more food and booze until it was time to get ready for tonight. Best roommates ever.
“You need to look extra hot tonight, I want Vince to lose his shit when he sees you.”
Ever since I’d sent the screenshot to Rachel and told her about the couch situation, she had been on my back about the thing. Something about me needing to bag rich hot athletes for her sake. I didn’t even argue with her anymore, only rolling my eyes in sync with Mariah whenever she brought it up.
To my surprise Vince hadn’t been deterred by my hasty exit a few days ago, something that had definitely surprised me. It wasn’t the first time that my job had cockblocked me and it definitely won’t be the last and I’d met more than my fair share of guys who were absolutely not into that at all. The fascination with nurses died really fast once people realized how much time we spent on the job.
Vince and I had texted constantly since he spent the day with me and he had somehow managed to make casual conversation with a flirty undertone the entire time. We’d already established that neither of us was looking for anything serious right now but I had decided that I would definitely not say no to some fun with him.
Some birthday sex would be great for starters. I let Rachel curl my hair while I focused on perfecting my make up because I wanted to look good tonight, not just for Vince but also because by next weekend I’d already be packed so this was really my last big hurrah before moving back home.
The thing about spending most of my days make up free in sports bras, comfortable panties and running shoes was that if I did bother to go out, I put in a lot of effort. I was determined to turn heads tonight so I pulled on a black lace bodysuit that practically presented my boobs on a silver tray, a pair of jeans that made my ass look spectacular and some black stilettos that I hoped wouldn’t kill my feet in a few hours. I had to go braless under the bodysuit, the mesh part on the back making that very obvious and I had a feeling that Vince wouldn’t exactly mind either.
“Girl I’d totally bang you because you look so hot but that outfit shows off everything that’s wrong with you”, Rachel said as we all examined ourselves one last time in front of the full-length mirror in my room and took pictures. I shot her a confused look.
“Wait what’s wrong with me?”
“Well for one your ass looks bangin and so do your boobs and I’m pretty sure that I could tell if you had a dick wearing that and people with dicks are my type soooo..”, she trailed off and both Mariah and I turned towards her with an incredulous look before bursting out laughing, all the day drinking taking its toll already. It wasn’t exactly new for Rachel to stop making any sense once she had some alcohol in her but it was still just as entertaining every single time.
“I can’t believe you’re complaining about her not having a dick right now”, Mariah sighed and I couldn’t stop giggling at my idiotic friends.
“I’m not complaining! I’m just saying that I need a dick to-“
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Just – just for once in your life be at least somewhat normal please”, Mariah interrupted her exasperated and the both of them continuing to bicker still had me laughing by the time we climbed into the back of our Uber.
We were the last to arrive of course, because Rachel had insisted on us being fashionably late so by the time we made it inside the bar I could already spot my friends sitting in the back. She had also insisted on me wearing a stupid Birthday Girl sash, reminding me how many free drinks it would get me, but I drew the line at the tiara she had pulled out of her purse as well. I was too old for the full 21st birthday look after all.
After I was hugged by everyone and had received all of the birthday wishes and presents I realized that Vince wasn’t among the group, which was weird because we’d been texting all day and he had asked to confirm the time and place again just this morning.
It was as if my thought made him appear because soon I felt two hands gently grab my waist while his cologne infiltrated my senses. He spun me around and the force of the move had me reach out to rest my hands on his shoulders so I wouldn’t fall over. I knew he had done that on purpose.
We were standing so close that we would have definitely gotten in trouble if this were a middle school dance and the way he looked down at me right now made me curse everything that came to my mind because I just wanted to drag him to the nearest bathroom so he could bend me over the counter but of course that wouldn’t be acceptable in front of all my friends.
“Why didn’t you tell me that today is your birthday? Now I’m going to have to make up for the fact that I didn’t get you a present.”
I had a feeling that I wouldn’t mind whatever this making up entailed, if the way he tightened his grip while looking at me as if he was thinking about bathroom counters as well was any indicator.
“Because you don’t just tell people that it’s your birthday, that’s weird.” He pulled me even tighter then, wrapping his arms around me and wishing me a happy birthday after giving me a kiss on the cheek that gave me goosebumps. Before he had the chance to pull away however, I leaned up on my tippy toes because even with heels he was still taller than me and whispered “I can’t wait for the making up for it part though” in his ear.
He groaned in response and he dropped his hands to give my hips a squeeze before reluctantly letting go of me. Only now did I spot the two guys behind him that were all watching us with amused expressions, which had to be the friends he said he’d bring. Introductions were quick and I didn’t even bother to introduce everyone to Vince and his gang because the group was so big that the three of them wouldn’t be able to remember many names either way.
We settled into one of the booths and Rachel practically pushed me into the seat next to Vince, not that I minded of course. Conversation flowed easily, as did the drinks, and soon I found myself climbing out of the booth because I had just about consumed my body weight in liquid and desperately needed to go to the bathroom for something that unfortunately wasn’t sex. Walking over I could feel a slight buzz already but not to the extent that would make me stumble in my heels, perfect for a night out.
By the time Mariah and I returned I could tell that another one of Rachel’s plans was in action because now there was one more person sitting at our table, meaning there wasn’t enough space left for both Mariah and I. I was about to move to sit with some other friends in the booth next to ours when Vince, who was conveniently seated at the edge of our booth, told me to sit on his lap and that was an offer I would never turn down.
He grabbed my hips to pull me closer and onto his lap as he said: “Don’t worry I won’t bite.”
I couldn’t resist messing with him though, so I purposefully shifted closer to his crotch and leaned towards him so only he could hear me as I whispered: “What if I want you to though?” I could tell he was trying to suppress a groan and he gripped me even tighter, pulling me back into him.
Poor Vince, his balls were going to be the same color as a Blues jersey soon enough.
Unfortunately I couldn’t elaborate to make the situation even worse for him because I was being pulled into the conversation at the table. I could feel him growing hard underneath my ass though and the fact that I was able to rile him up so easily really did wonders for my self-confidence..
After I could tell that he had calmed down again I decided to put him out of his misery. Well, kind of. Me leaning across one of the pool tables as I took my shot gave him a perfect view of my cleavage or of me bending over after all, depending on where he stood.
“Are you always this bad?”, I asked after he missed yet another shot.
“No, usually I’m average at least but I guess I’m a little bit distracted right now.” He didn’t even try to hide him staring at my boobs as I took my turn. We’d both long dropped any pretense about where this was headed. After I made my shot I walked around the table to get a better angle for the next one, accidentally brushing up against Vince who now had a perfect view of my ass.
“I hope you’re only average at pool and not at anything else”, I teased him with a look over my shoulder after watching the ball roll into the hole the way I’d planned before straightening up again.
“Let me take you home so my neighbors can confirm me being anything but average”, he responded, his voice deep as he moved next to me, one of his big hands resting on my lower back to play with the fabric there, the heat of his hands practically burning my skin as I looked up at him.
Our intense eye contact was interrupted by one of the waitresses who walked up to the pool table sheepishly with a drink on her tray.
“Hey, that guy over there sent you this and I’m supposed to tell you to come over to him so you don’t have to, uh, keep playing with a - um - loser. His words not mine, sorry.” She pointed to a guy a few tables over who was decently good looking but radiated Asshole Energy off of him, his incredibly rude move not really helping either. Even if it wasn’t for Vince standing next to me I wouldn’t have touched him with a ten foot pole.
Vince had tensed up at the words and I watched him ball his hands into his fists, every muscle in his body tightening with anger. I had no doubt that because of his hockey experience he could hold his own in a fight but it wasn’t something I needed tonight. I thanked the waitress before setting the drink down and making a show of turning towards Vince, one hand trailing up from his biceps to the back of his head so I could interrupt the stare off he was currently having with the other guy.
“Don’t worry, I’m flattered that I seem to be able to distract you so much. To be honest I can’t really concentrate either because now I really want you to make me scream so loud that your neighbors file noise complaints.” Vince choked slightly and then reached for the drink that was sitting next to me, taking three big gulps while looking at me, his eyes dark.
He then grabbed my hand and I didn’t miss the smug look he threw at the other guy over my shoulder before pulling me towards the backdoor of the bar, the pool game abandoned without a second thought. The air outside had cooled down a bit by now but I didn’t even get the chance to acknowledge that because Vince had me pushed against the wall in a second, one hand resting next to my head while the other reached up to cup my face, dropping his head for a kiss.
All this teasing had finally led to this.
It was rough and yet sensual at the same time, his lips demanding and it didn’t take long until his tongue licked along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. He then deepened the kiss even further and I reached up to bury my hands in his stupidly perfect and soft hair, eliciting a throaty groan. When he pushed one of his legs in between mine I couldn’t help the moan that escaped me in turn at the delicious friction, followed by yet another one as he dropped his head to suck along my neck. I could feel how hard he was and it turned me on beyond imagination.
The thought that I would probably let him fuck me in this alley right now brought me back down to earth because this was not how I envisioned my night going.
“Vince, hold up”, I murmured and as soon as my words registered with him he pulled away, both of us panting.
“What’s wrong?”
I laughed at his expression, he looked at me as if he was truly worried that he’d overstepped a boundary. As if I hadn’t thrown hints left and right for the last couple of days. His swollen lips made it hard to concentrate because I just wanted to sink my teeth into them until he groaned again the way he had only seconds ago and I silently cursed his stupid perfect lips. I wondered what damage they could do.
“Nothing’s wrong, nothing at all. I just wanted to say let’s go back inside for like another hour or so and then we can take off.” The smile that quickly spread on his face made it obvious that he was going to say something not-PG-13 before he opened his mouth again to ask:
“Do you think your friends would mind if I dragged you home right this second?”
I had to laugh at that but it quickly died in my throat as he moved his hands to my hips to pull me close again before crashing his lips back onto mine. The going back to the others part would apparently be slightly delayed but with the way his lips and body moved against mine right now I would probably agree to anything if it meant getting to stay right in this position a bit longer.
This time it was less rushed and frantic and instead he took his time to explore every inch of my mouth while his hands wandered my body. Mine were roaming as well, from the neck down his muscular shoulders around to the front before finally creeping up his back below his shirt. I enjoyed the way I could feel his muscles tense under my touch but eventually we had to pull away from each other. We’d spent way too much time out here as it is.
“Let’s go back inside, the faster we get back the sooner we can leave and besides they’re probably wondering what we’re doing out here so long.”
The smug looks we received once we made our way back to the tables after I fixed my hair and make up and Vince did whatever he had to do to conceal his massive hard on made it clear that everyone had a good idea of what had gone on outside though. I’m pretty sure Rachel would have high fived me if it weren’t for the people sitting between us.
I sat on Vince’s lap again and this time it was torture for the both of us to wait until it was finally an acceptable time to make a getaway. I let Rachel take all the presents for me and she made Vince give her his address and phone number before she let him pull me into the back of an Uber.
I was pressed against him for the entire ride, his hand resting way higher on my leg than technically publicly acceptable. With every turn or bump in the road he accidentally brushed my core and at more than one point I had to hide my face in his broad chest so the driver wouldn’t hear the soft moans that couldn’t be stopped. I could tell that he was trying his best not to get too handsy as not to cause a scene but once we were alone in the elevator of his building all bets were off.
He walked me back against the doors, pushing one of his legs in between my own again and kissed me with a force that made me glad that I had tons of metal behind me as leverage to push back. He only pulled away once the little ‘ding’ could be heard and even then he only held off until he had me inside his apartment, barely waiting a second before he shrugged off his jacket, quickly moving onto mine.
Somehow we managed to make it onto the couch without breaking apart our kiss and I barely had time to admire his floor to ceiling windows before he pulled me close until I was straddling his lap. His lips were working on my neck again and I reminded him to not leave any marks there because I had to work on Monday morning, which only prompted him to move down lower, sucking at the skin right above the lace of my bodysuit.
“No one will see those then”, he murmured against my breasts and I moaned as he reached up to palm them through the material. By the time he was done I had several purple marks littering my cleavage and I really needed to see more of him so I motioned for him to take his shirt off, watching in awe as he reached back to pull it over his head in the perfect way only guys managed to.
His body could only be described as a work of art and I could tell that he worked really hard for it as I traced the outline of his abs, muscles contracting and goosebumps rising at my touch. The city lights made for the perfect lighting and the way his skin glowed in their reflection belonged in a museum if ever captured.
Vince reached for the button of my jeans and looked at me as if to ask if I was okay with that. I nodded before standing up, trying to get out of my jeans and heels in a quick but still somewhat sexy motion but I probably succeeded only halfway. He didn’t seem deterred by my struggle at all, the hungry look in his eyes never once vanishing.
As soon as I stood upright again Vince reached up to trace the lace embellishments, slowly moving his hands down lower towards where I really wanted them. Considering the fact that the bodysuit had already been pretty revealing in itself there wasn’t really much ‘new’ skin to see so far but he still looked at me with an intensity that almost made me shiver.
He reached to pull me down on him again but instead I surprised him by sinking down to my knees in front of him, his breath audibly hitching in his throat. For a second he was silent but as soon as I poked my tongue out to trace the ‘V’ on his lower stomach he let out a low moan, throwing his head back.
“Impatient much?”, I teased him, pleasantly surprised at my ability to make him almost lose his shit without even really doing anything.
“You have no idea. I’ve thought about this for days”, he admitted and I only smiled in return, moving to pull his jeans down along with his boxers without revealing that I had done the same. He got up to step out of both while I was focused on watching his dick bounce with the movement, amazed at the size of it.
As soon as he made himself comfortable again I grabbed the base with one hand while resting the other one on his thigh as I moved to lick the drops of precum that adorned the tip. When my tongue made contact he moved one of his hands into my hair, holding it back so he could get a better view.
“Fuck, you look so good like this”, he cursed when I finally wrapped my lips around him, taking the head into my mouth while swirling my tongue around him and taking him a bit further. I removed my lips and I could tell he was about to protest but any words died in his mouth when I started sucking his balls, reaching up to pump his length that was already slick from my spit with my hand.
He seemed to find his voice again once I licked up the underside of his dick but it was only a string of curses that turned into moans when I took him into my mouth as far as I could, my nose touching his pelvic bone. I relaxed my throat and swallowed around him, my name falling from his lips again and again as I reached up to massage his balls at the same time. I looked up to see him watching me with his pupils blown, hair sticking in all directions from running his hands through it so many times and his mouth slightly open. His arms were spread out beside him on the back of the couch and I wanted to take a picture to commemorate the moment, wanting to remember this forever. He had definitely never looked better and no one could convince me otherwise.
The hand in my hair helped me set a rhythm as I bobbed my head while licking around him and Vince was a moaning and cursing mess above me. It didn’t take long before he quite literally pulled me off him, running his hand across his face and taking a few calming breaths.
“You’re incredible but I don’t want to cum yet”, he finally murmured when he helped me back up and I wasn’t sure if he was only complimenting my blowjob-skills or more but the way he was looking at me right now made any thought besides wanting him inside me disappear.
“Vince I need you”, I practically begged and he quickly nodded before standing up with me still in his lap, reaching out to grab the back of my thighs to prevent me from slipping down. He somehow managed to walk up the stairs with me still wrapped around him while I trailed kisses along his collar bones and it was probably the hottest non-sexual thing I’d ever experienced with a guy.
He turned on a soft light once inside his room and while I would have loved to have a look around I was pretty distracted by the way he literally threw me on the bed before crawling on top of me, my legs falling apart to make space for him as if it was the most natural thing on earth.
Vince kissed down my breasts before suddenly stopping somewhere above my belly button.
“Okay I have to admit I’m a bit lost here, as hot as you look in it how the fuck do I get this thing off?” I probably shouldn’t laugh in such a somewhat serious situation but his helpless expression did nothing to stop the giggles that escaped my mouth. He was smiling as well and I was glad that we could laugh about the slight hiccup without it turning awkward.
I quickly reached down to snap open the buttons before sitting up and pulling the piece of lace over my head, discarding it in some corner of his room now completely naked.
“Much better”, he murmured, one of his hands reaching out to grab a hold of my boobs while the other one wrapped around my back, lowering us back onto the mattress. Eventually he trailed his kisses over the part of my skin that was marked up by him until he sucked one of my nipples into his mouth, his hand taking care of the other one.
Slowly but surely he kissed his way down my body, skipping over the part where I needed him most to suck along the inside of my thighs. The sensation rushed through me, my core already throbbing from days of built up expectations and I let out a whine. I was tempted to try and close my legs so I could at least get some kind of friction but his shoulders between them made that impossible.
“Patience baby, don’t you know that good things come to those who wait?”, he murmured and I shuddered at the feeling of his breath fanning across my heat. I didn’t even have the time to think about the fact that he had just called me baby or that I was actually a firm believer in good things happening to those who worked for them because he reached down to drag one of his fingers through my folds and all thoughts left my body.
“Shit, you’re so wet already”, he said softly but I was unable to give him any response besides a frantic nod and another desperate whine.
I’d fantasized about this for the last couple of days of course but nothing came close to the reality of one of his thick fingers dipping into my core. He teased my entrance for a bit, only pushing inside to his first knuckle but then I whined again and he pushed it in as far as he could. I was so lost in the feeling that I hadn’t even noticed him moving back up my body until he littered the valley between my breasts with heated kisses.
“So tight. I can’t wait to feel you around my cock.”
As if the words he’d moaned into my ear weren’t already enough to make any coherent thoughts disappear, he added a second finger and I arched my back into him, the change of angle just right in a way that had me gripping the sheets so tightly that my knuckles turned white. He reached dropped down to tease my nipples, sucking and licking them expertly while his hand thrust up into me.
My moans were already filling the room but then he started circling my clit with his thumb and I knew that I wouldn’t last much longer, the anticipation and desperation definitely helping to speed things along. He looked up at me to watch my reactions and the sight of him with his mouth latched onto my breast was almost enough to send me over the edge by itself.
“I’m so close Vince, please don’t stop”, I begged and this seemed to spur him on further, his movements turning even more eager as he continued to place sloppy kisses along my skin. It was the combination of everything he was doing to me that finally brought me over the edge, the release so sweet after needing it for so long.
He made sure to extend my orgasm as long as possible, only pulling his hand away after I whimpered slightly, the stimulation a bit much now. His softly kissed his way back down and along my thighs now and I could tell that he wasn’t quite done with me yet.
“How’s the birthday girl feeling right now?”, he asked with a teasing smile and normally I probably would have smacked him for this but right now I would tolerate it because I was still in my blissful post-orgasmic state.
“Amazing so far, could do better though.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Mhm, I’m pretty sure I was promised some making up for the lack of a present and I don’t think we’ve reached that point yet.”
“Well excuse me then while I go back to work.” And with that he flattened his tongue and boldly licked one long stripe across my slit.
He started out slowly and I was glad because I was still a bit sensitive from my last orgasm, lapping at my entrance and pushing his tongue inside of me, making me gasp. It didn’t take long however until he grabbed my hips to pull me closer and onto his mouth, pushing my legs up to expose me even further to him and ultimately giving him better access.
When he sucked my clit into his mouth I couldn’t help but arch my back off the mattress again, burying my hands in his hair as he reached up to hold me still. This guy’s lips weren’t just pretty, they were apparently amazingly talented as well.
He replaced his tongue with one of his thick fingers, slowly pushing in and soon his name fell off my lips in a religious chant as he added yet another one, curling them upwards for maximum pleasure. I could feel my high coming from a mile away and Vince apparently must have too by the way I was grinding myself against his face because he quite literally dove back in, determined to shatter my word.
And shatter my world he did.
I was pretty sure I would have floated away as I reached my high if it wasn’t for Vince’s hand across my stomach keeping me grounded. My legs were still shaking with the aftershocks of one of the arguably - no hands down - best orgasms I’d had while getting head in my life. By the time I was finally able to open my eyes again he was wiping his face before grinning down at me.
“You look so fucked out already and we haven’t even gotten to that part yet”, he teased and I let out a chuckle before pushing at his chest. Leave it to him to make fun of me after he was the one who put me in this situation. Not that I was complaining of course.
“Don’t worry, it’s a good look on you. One that I’d definitely like to see more often.” He leaned down to nip at my neck then, his cock prodding at my thigh.
“If you keep doing that you definitely will”, I responded with an airy laugh, still kind of breathless. All talk died down after that however when he captured my lips with his again as he crawled on top of me, settling between my legs. Kissing him was definitely addicting and the fact that I could taste myself while doing so only made it ten times more hot.
Vince rolled his hips against mine, groaning into my mouth when his cock dragged against my skin while I couldn’t stop the moan escaping my lips either. Breaking the kiss he pulled back in a way that had him in a push-up position above me, giving me a moment to enjoy the view. His hair was sticking in all kinds of directions, his pupils so blown that they almost seemed black instead of the usual beautiful green and his muscles were flexing from holding the position.
“Still want to keep going?”, he asked and in my daze it took me a second to realize that this was him asking for consent. I had no doubt that he wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want him to but this, him offering to stop when he had done so much for me already while not getting off yet in return, was sweet. Especially since I had made it more than obvious that stopping was definitely not on my mind.
I moved to flip us over then, straddling his thighs and wrapping my hand around his dick, pumping him a few times and in case that wasn’t confirmation enough for him I leaned down to whisper a “definitely” in his ear.
“Condoms?”
“Top drawer on your right.”
Only because we weren’t in the middle of his huge bed was I able to reach said drawer, grabbing one of the foil packets out of the box and ripping it open with my teeth before rolling it down on him. I scooted up enough to line his cock with my entrance and while I tried to watch Vince as I sunk down on him the way my eyes fluttered shut at the sensation was out of my control.
While there had definitely been enough foreplay to make the sliding in part easy it was still quite a stretch, one so amazing however that it had the both of us moaning at the same time.
“Shit you feel incredible”, he breathed and I nodded my head in agreement, too lost in the pleasure to form any coherent sentences. Rolling my hips against him created some amazing friction that had my head spinning as I clenched my muscles, eliciting throaty groans from him.
Vince reached for my hips, gripping them tightly as he helped guide me along, my clit catching on his pelvic bone with every backward movement. “You got one more in you babe?”, he asked and to my surprise I could tell that I did. The fact that I could already feel it bubbling inside of me spoke volumes of our chemistry in bed together. This was a friends with benefits arrangement I could definitely get behind.
He sat up then, changing the angle at which his cock dragged against my walls and also making it possible for him to take one of my nipples into his mouth, gently grazing his teeth against it while tightening his grip on my hip as he thrust up into me. At this point I was a moaning mess on top of him but I honestly didn’t care. I hadn’t had sex this good in a while and the way he looked up at me in awe made it impossible to feel anything but sexy.
I didn’t even need any extra help to reach my third orgasm of the night with his name falling off my lips, the feeling so strong that my mind was absolutely blank and I saw stars dancing across the back of my eyelids as I arched into him with my eyes shut. He made sure to let me ride it out, groaning as he felt my walls tighten around him but as soon as I slumped against him he turned us around so he was on top of me, never once pulling out.
The pace at which he was chasing his own high now was relentless and hard and I would have held on for dear life if he hadn’t raised my arms to keep them above my head. One of his hands easily encased both of my wrists while he used his other to keep at least some of his weight off of me. I knew that a fourth orgasm was off the table, I was way too exhausted for that by now but he still felt amazing inside of me. I wrapped my legs around him to allow him deeper, the smack of our skin and our moans so loud that I was glad that we didn’t have any nosy roommates right next door. Those noise complaints from the neighbors I’d mentioned earlier might still roll in though.
With this pace it didn’t take long for his thrusts to lose all rhythm and I could tell that he wouldn’t last much longer. I clenched around him to bring him even closer and he groaned into the crook of my neck where he had buried his face, my name and some colorful curses falling off his lips. He readjusted his position so he could lean up enough to look at me while still holding my wrists above my head and I watched him throw his head back in pleasure as he slammed deep inside of me one last time, face contorting in pleasure as he reached his high. I could feel him pulsing inside of me and a pleasant shudder ran through me, making me sigh at the feeling. Perhaps this was my body’s way of saying girl if I could have, I would have.
He let go of my wrists then and I wrapped my arms around him as he dropped down on top of me. We both caught our breath for a few seconds which honestly wasn’t easy with the extra weight on my chest but it was a nice feeling. He had to carefully pull out and roll off of me eventually, throwing the condom next to the bed to dispose of later. For now it was nice to lay beside each other, covered in a sheen of sweat and still panting.
After finally landing back on planet earth I looked to my right at the alarm clock waiting on the nightstand, only now realizing how late it had gotten. Vince lifted his head enough to check the time as well and let out a light groan at the sight.
“You can spend the night if you want but we should definitely shower before that. Even if it wasn’t your birthday – well technically it’s not anymore – I’m not some dick that would kick you out in the middle of the night.”
I was surprised at his offer, I’d been with guys who were those dicks but I was even more surprised when he told me to pick something to sleep in from his closet before pulling on a pair of boxers and getting up to grab waters for the both of us.
I decided to postpone this until after showering, quickly making my way to his ensuite to use the toilet. I saw enough UTIs at work, I didn’t need them following me home. I was trying to wipe my make up off as best as I could with a washcloth and the face wash from his counter when he returned to his bathroom, a new toothbrush triumphantly in his hand.
“Found this in my junk drawer in the kitchen but I’ll be honest, I have no idea how it got there. The wrapping is unopened tho”, he admitted sheepishly and I laughed.
“Doesn’t matter, I’ll take it.”
Our shower was quick, both of us too exhausted for any more funny business but if my gaze had dropped from time to time appreciatively no one would ever know. He had an amazing body and I would have to be a nun not to acknowledge that.
Especially while he was naked in the shower.
I definitely wasn’t a nun.
Looking for clothes to sleep in turned out to be more difficult than I’d originally thought because of his affinity to clothes that were at least one size too big. Most of them would reach my knees in a really unflattering way and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep while drowning in fabric. I tried on three, neatly putting them back afterwards and actually contemplating sleeping in only a pair of his boxers before finally finding one that didn’t make me look like a kid.
I could tell that it was an old shirt, perhaps from a previous team, worn down over time with a slightly faded print but it was comfortable and it smelled like him, even if I doubted that he had worn it anytime recently.
Vince was already tucked into bed by the time I stepped back into his bedroom, scrolling through his phone but putting it down on the nightstand once I got closer. I could see that he’d searched for a second charger so I could plug my phone in overnight as well and it was such a little gesture but yet it made me smile.
“I prefer to sleep on the right side, I hope you don’t mind”, he said as I climbed under the cover beside him. I shook my head no before responding:
“Nah, I actually like the left side better.”
“See, we’re meant to be fuck buddies.”
“I could already tell from the three orgasms but hey, if that’s what it takes for you to realize that.”
“You have a point there.”
Any other time and I certainly would’ve stayed up for a while longer so we could talk but right now I knew I wouldn’t last long. For a second I wasn’t sure how to do this, would it be weird to cuddle?
Vince made my decision easy however when he pulled me close until my back was flush against him, wrapping his arm around my waist. After our exhausting shenanigans earlier it took neither of us long to fall asleep.
The next morning I woke super early, my inner clock not allowing me to sleep past seven despite staying up late. I’d turned around in my sleep to lay on my stomach but Vince had somehow managed to keep his arm around me and get even closer.
I was slightly worried for my safety because of the fact that I had managed to sleep through a 200 pound guy basically laying on top of me but I’d slept like a baby. I could tell that Vince was still asleep by the even breaths that fanned across my neck but one part of him definitely wasn’t, poking my side. Bless the male population for their sleepy boners.
I was trying to let him sleep as long as I could, I really did, but with him so close to me and the images of last night combined with the very interesting dream I’d just woken up from burned into my memory I couldn’t help myself. I slowly turned in his arms so we were back to the position we’d fell asleep in, on our sides and pressed together spooning.
Even through my shirt I could feel his body radiating heat and if the night had been warmer it definitely would’ve been too much but right now I just wished for all barriers between our bodies to disappear.
My shifting had apparently woken Vince up successfully because he let out a throaty groan before, consciously or not, rocking against my ass and burying his face in my neck.
“Morning”, he said and I’m not gonna lie his husky morning voice did things to me that didn’t exactly help my situation.
“Morning, how’d you sleep?”, I asked, turning my head slightly so I wasn’t having this conversation with his incredibly comfortable pillow.
“Could’ve been longer but I don’t mind. Now that I’m up however..”, he trailed off, lightly biting my neck and moving his hand from my waist to grab my boob, rocking into me again, this time definitely on purpose.
This was definitely a friends with benefits situation I could get behind.
-
Somehow Vince managed to weasel his way into my life after that. He’d come over after I finished a shift at the hospital, spend the night and leave me incredibly satisfied the next morning when both of us went our separate ways again. Our time with each other was pretty short, only a week, but somehow I’d had more sex in that one week than in the last few months combined.
My last shift at the hospital on Saturday was, for a lack of better words, sad as fuck. So many people came up to me, telling me how much they would miss me and what a great addition I had been over the past year. When they brought a cake into the break room with a sweet message written on top of it I couldn’t help the tears that welled up. I could see Rachel subtly wipe at her eyes as well and I hugged her tightly.
“Remember our first day of classes? Oh how things have changed since then”, she muttered against me and I nodded. One thing that hadn’t changed however was our friendship. She was the reason I had come to Toronto, where she had grown up but it had been five years since I left my home to go to college and I knew that it was time to go back to my family and childhood friends.
“Don’t think you’ll be getting rid of me this soon, I’ll call you all the time and with there only being a one hour time difference between Toronto and St. Louis you have no excuse to avoid me.”
“As if I could ever avoid you, you little shit. But if your hometown insists on having you back I’ll allow it, I guess.” Her insulting me told me that she was okay again so I let go of her, the both of us still sniffling a bit as we each grabbed a piece of the cake.
When I finally made my ay back home that night Vince was already there. Mariah had probably let him in. There’s been some raised eyebrows at first but after seeing him here every day neither of my roommates was surprised when he knocked at our apartment door. Somehow he seemed to sense that I wasn’t in a talking mood right now, especially about having to say goodbye to the place that had been my home for the past year.
I was excited to see my family and friends in St. Louis again, don’t get me wrong, but goodbyes were never easy.
He greeted me with one of his comforting hugs that I’d already grown accustomed to before dropping his head to press a soft kiss on the top of my head before pulling me to the bathroom.
My shampoo and other toiletries were some of the last few things that hadn’t been stuffed in boxes and duffel bags yet and the sight made tears well up in my eyes.
“It’s okay, you know. I don’t like leaving here either”, he murmured in my ear as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, moving us so we both got hit by the stream of hot water. I wanted to forget everything but the feel of his naked body pressed against me but right now I knew I was too in my head to actually be able to enjoy it. Later maybe.
“But you get to come back every summer for a couple of months. I don’t know how long it’ll take until I can visit everyone again and even then it’ll probably only be for a few days.”
“That’s true. But your friends can also visit you. And in a few weeks I’ll be down as well and then you’ll be so annoyed by me constantly bugging you that you won’t be able to miss your friends here anymore.” My sniffle turned into a laugh at his words and I almost swallowed a big gulp of water in that moment, making both of us break into fits of laughter.
I was glad I’d have him with me again in a few weeks. Hopefully at least. We’d talked about our situation and I told Vince to hit me up again once he’d made it to St. Louis too in a few weeks and while he said he would, I knew that there was the possibility that he might not. I didn’t have the opportunity to dwell on the thought too long though because he’d managed to distract me yet again when he placed searing hot kisses along my shoulder.
If he hadn’t managed to get me out of my shell back in the hospital I never would’ve ended up with him in the shower right now. Or bent over the mattress a few minutes later.
Vince Dunn, the arrogant professional athlete, had turned out to be nothing like I’d expected and I had never been more happy to be wrong.
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hockeyforthefirsttime · 4 years ago
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Vince Dunn- Try Again Chapter 1
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AN: here it is, chapter one to try again:) i hope people like it and that its not awful :I 
word count: 2100 ( i think) 
tw: i can’t think of any, but let me know 
Other parts can be found here: Prequel
- Where do you want to meet?
Vince thinks it’s a pretty neutral text to send, even if he is pacing the kitchen floor after his gym session. He knows she just arrived in St. Louis and just finished unpacking while he was out, because she sent a text.
- Uhm.. the Starbucks near you? 
The screen of his phone lights up with a pling, and a second message ticks in before he has the chance to respond. 
- But I do warn you, you’re gonna have to come buy some books with me..
And that second, right that second, is when his brain starts spinning with a plan.
- Okay, I’ll be at Starbucks in like 15 minutes. 
All she responds with is a thumbs up, and that’s okay by him. Quickly he runs into his room, and pulls out a t- shirt and a hoodie. Pulling them over his head, he makes sure that he has his wallet and phone, as well as keys. 
It feels like a good day for walking, even if his legs feel like jello. He can’t decide if it’s from nerves of seeing her for the first time in two years or the gym session. Regardless, the sun is out and he likes the fresh, crisp air. It always tends to calm him down. 
He enters the Starbucks and is struck by her all at once, even if her back is facing him. She has changed since the last time he saw her. She still wears hoodies, and he is pretty sure the vans on her feet are the same she had on when she walked out on him. But she has changed, she seems stronger both in posture and mind. The tiny slouch isn’t there anymore.
She walks over to the waiting area to get her drink made, and he can’t help but admire her. She has done something to her hair and it looks nice. And her smile, god it reaches her eyes, even if her mouth is covered by her mask. It always was a contagious smile. 
When her name is called up from behind the serving station, he notes that she is carrying two to go cups. 
“Hey Y/N, how are you?”
Vince calls out from behind his own mask. She looks around for the source of the voice and when she finds him, she reaches out one of the cups. He gratefully takes it. 
“Hi Vince, I’m good, how are you?” 
She asks as he pops the lid off of his cup. And it’s like she poured the coffee right down his throat and into his heart, because it’s the same one he always orders. He can’t believe she still remembers. She just smiles at him. 
That’s the moment he decides to go for a careful hug, and he is grateful when she accepts it. When she has her head in his chest, he whispers. 
“I’m good, I missed you though.”
And as the words leave his mouth, he feels her hand tighten around the fabric in his hoodie. His heart aches for her. For home. She has changed perfume, this one is not as heavy, but her hair still smells like apples. 
She pulls away, and he follows suit. 
“So, you wanna go book shopping? Or do you just wanna sit here?” 
Y/N asks carefully, yet gallantly avoiding his admittance. 
“Oh I could go for some books!” 
He answers eagerly, and she shakes her head knowingly.
“You sure? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you read much more than a game plan.” 
She chirps him lightly. 
“Oh, just because I read people better than I read books, doesn’t mean I don’t read.” 
He chirps back, as they head out the door, which Vince holds open for her. Y/N, too makes a few mental notes of how he has changed as well.
“So what kind of books are we looking for today, miss brainiac?” 
He asks, trying to make conversation. 
“Oh, just some academic stuff. Boring stuff.” 
She shrugs, however she sounds a bit bitter saying the “boring” part. He can’t help but think that someone must have made her that reluctant to tell him, and maybe that person was his past self. 
“You really don’t have to come.. you know that right?”
“I’m more than happy to come with you, makes me get off my ass.”
Vince smiles at her, bumping her lightly with his elbow. Y/N just smiles and shakes her head at him. She knows very well that he wishes it wouldn’t be too long. 
What she doesn’t know is how grateful he is that she is willing to have him as a part of her life again. Even if it is a small part, he appreciates it.
They have been walking around Barnes and Noble for almost an hour, and even if his arms are just a little achy from carrying all the books she needs, he volunteered to carry them. Y/N is just picking up the last book before she comes back to him. He has been standing near the register and has admittedly been a little bored, so he started looking into the books in his arms. While they have some big words and translations that read a little heavily, he can’t help being a little fascinated with them. And the admiration for his ex grows, just a tad bit more than he cares to admit to. 
“Okay, it’s just this one, and then I’m picking up a used one.” 
She smiles at him, a genuine smile that reaches her eyes. And even if her bangs are a little all over the place, from her pulling her hand through it, she looks adorable. 
“Good, you were taking forever.” 
He jokes lightly, with a wink before getting in the line. They aren’t the only ones out here for university shopping, he can tell by the prices that are being rung up. He can remember spending that much on something, but fuck, it’s still a lot. 
“Next, please.”
The girl behind the counter can’t be much older than them, she is pretty, with dark hazel eyes and a red flannel that contrasts beautifully with her dark hair. 
“Hi, it’s these please.”��
Y/N gestures to the books in Vince's arms, which he drops onto the counter, before he reaches behind himself and stretches his arms, discreetly taking out his wallet. 
“Philosophy, are you taking Mrs. Hargroves' classes?” 
The girl behind the counter asks, and before he knows it, the two girls are launching into conversation. Turns out both of them are going for the same degree. And while Vince isn’t jealous of the girl, he would love to carry those kinds of conversations with Y/N.
As soon as she is done scanning all the books, Vince is the one closest to the debit machine. Y/N doesn’t notice at once, but when she hears him scan his card and punch in the pin code to his card, she turns and looks at him. 
“Vince.. outside please.” 
She picks up the bag from the checkout girl, with a clenched jaw. 
“Goodbye Jamie, see you in class then?” 
The girl, Jamie, looks at Y/N with a sympathetic gaze as she nods and calls for the next customer. 
Vince and Y/N walk out the door together, and he can hear her brain twisting and turning inside her pretty head. He has a gnawing feeling in his stomach about what she is thinking of. 
They reach her car, a Toyota Rav4 as far as he can see, and get in after she has put her books in the trunk. He waits in the passenger seat, taking a look at the inside of the car. It’s a stick shift, and he lowkey finds it kind of hot, he isn’t gonna lie. He can’t find anything else noticeable about the car though, it seems like just another car. With a reusable water bottle in the cupholder, and a book and a backpack in the backseats. Before he can distract himself with something else, she gets into the driver's seat.  
“Vince, why did you pay for my books.” 
And he wishes he could answer at once, with a good convincing argument, but he can’t. So he just stays silent for a few seconds. 
“Vince.” 
She doesn’t sound angry, she just wants an answer. So he settles for honesty. 
“Because you deserve it. Because I wanted to.” 
She frowns, cause that is the reasoning he used when they dated as well. 
“And why did you want to?” 
He wasn’t ready for that question. Two years ago she would have told him how much she could provide for herself, how she didn’t need him like that. Now he knew that. 
“I wanted to say sorry okay? For the way I treated you, for the way things ended. For everything.”
He reckons that she has to process it all, cause she twists the key in the ignition, takes off the handbrake and shifts the car into first gear. She hasn’t changed that much, she still drives to think. 
“You don’t have to say sorry for everything you know. And we were two people in the relationship.” 
Vince knows, god he knows, cause the relationship wasn’t always bad, there is a reason he misses her. He watches the roads in silence for a while, until she stops in front of an apartment complex.
“This is where you live?” 
He asks as she kills the engine. 
“No, I’m just gonna pick up a used book from this guy.” 
Y/N answers abesentminly. She pulls eighty bucks from her wallet and exits the car. He slumps back in his seat, and subsequently jumps a bit when Y/N knocks on his window. 
“You coming or what? I’m not gonna go up to some strange man’s apartment alone.” 
And the little smile on his lips, the fact that he trusts him, makes his heart swell. He almost hopes that they’ll pretend to be dating, but neither does she take his hand nor does she hold him close in any sense of the word. He pulls a hand through his hair as she walks before him up the stairs and he can’t help himself from looking at her ass.  
They reach the correct door, and she rings the bell. Him leaning against the railing, just observing. The man that opens the door is stunning. Dark eyes and dark skin, and a warm smile. 
“Hey, You must be Y/N?” 
And Vince gets his back off the railing, sauntering just two steps closer, not because he is scared, Vince is jealous goddamn it. Cause the only times Y/N plays with her hair is when she is stressed or flirting. She is definitely not stressed right now. 
“Yeah, you got the book still? Carter” 
“Of course, just gimme a sec and I’ll go get it.” 
He smiles with a wink, a goddamn wink. While he eyes Vince carefully. Once he is out of earshot, Vince lets out a sigh. 
“You good?” 
Y/N asks carefully, turning around. But before he can form an intelligent reply Carter is back. 
“Here you go, there are some notes in the margin, I hope you don’t mind.” 
Carter says sheepishly. 
“What is a book without notes?” 
Y/N says as she hands him the eighty bucks. 
“Exactly!” 
But before they can carry their conversation any further, Vince casually looks at his wristwatch. Carter seems to get the hint though. 
“Well, you should probably get going, it’s getting late. Catch you on campus?” 
“Yeah, probably. I hope so, thanks for the book.”
And he knows she is smiling, ‘cause Carters smile widens.  
In the car the silence is deafening, so Y/N puts on the radio some pop station and doesn’t care much more. It’s silent all the way back to Vince’s apartment. She stops the car and lowers the volume on the radio. 
“You okay Vince?” 
He doesn’t have to look at her to know she is looking at him. Her gaze is burning into his cheek. 
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
He answers, trying to sound okay. 
“Cause you have been clenching your jaw the entire way hom, here.” 
He catches the way she catches herself, and for once, he thinks, for once think of her before yourself. 
“Oh yeah, just a headache.” 
And he knows, god he knows she doesn’t believe him. 
“Okay, try not clenching your jaw and drink some water when you get up okay?”
He just nods. 
“Thanks for meeting me by the way. I really appreciate it.” 
Y/N says, and he bites his tongue, especially when she puts a hand on his shoulder.  
“Me too. Talk to you later?”
“Definitely.”
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falsegoodnight · 4 years ago
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these are the fics I read (or reread) and loved this month!
*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 26th and any fics read after will be included in next month’s fic rec list because i don’t want this to be too long!
✰ you fold into me like a beating heart by @lil0 / theweightofmywords | 2k
He’s scrolling through his phone as this nervous energy consumes him. He feels like he’s on the edge of something. If he falls, he doesn’t think he’d ever make it back. He catches himself staring at his weather app. It’s sunny where his ex is.
It’s sunny here too.
(this was so lovely and well-written! i’m honestly impressed with how much development and characterization and emotion was packed into less than 2k words! also i don’t want to spoil anything but there’s an element in this fic that finally plays out in the final sentence and i ADORED that! the last few paragraphs in general are just so perfect!)
✰ no one to blame (but the drink) by @femstyles | 3k 
Harry misses Louis. He knows Louis deserves better.
(this was so well-written and heart wrenching! i’m a sucker for fics where so much raw feeling is packed into smaller sizes and this is a perfect example! and exes to lovers, my kryptonite! it has more of an open ending but i loved it the little flicker of hope that it left the reader with!!)
✰ For You I’d Bleed Myself Dry by @allwaswell16​ | 4k
After a public and humiliating breakup, Louis Tomlinson finds himself on his would-be honeymoon with his best friend, Niall. However, this St. Lucian paradise is not all that it seems. Louis may be particularly vulnerable to an unusually handsome predator.
(one of the many vampire harry fics i read this month to get in the mood for writing my own! this one was so addicting and alluring- the air of mystery had me on the edge of my seat the entire time and the ENDING! it was vague and mysterious and PERFECT for the story!!!)
✰ Sugar Cube by @zanniscaramouche | 5k
Louis is fine. He knew this would happen. He knows. The beat up laptop stuffed under his mattress can attest to how much porn he’s watched and hell, he’s been on his knees in a piss stained alley for a few tenners. He’s not some scared blushing virgin.
Except. He kind of is.
(THIS. FIC. i was engrossed from start to finish and i genuinely cannot wait to read the full fic when the blff rolls around. the writing in this was exquisite- it evoked so much imagery and feeling in the reader and gosh, that ENDING! i can’t wait to find out what happens next!)
✰ Click by @allwaswell16 | 5k
When Louis got assigned a roommate, he wasn’t exactly thrilled, but as far as roommates go Marcel was a pretty good one. That was until Marcel started clicking a counter everywhere he went...
(i haven’t read very many marcel fics but i gave this one a shot and loved it! short and sweet and well-written! i loved the aspect of clicking too! it added an extra layer to the story! and of course, one can never go wrong with roommates to lovers!!) 
✰ take me to the stars by @lil0 / theweightofmywords | 6k 
Staring at his darling daughter, in the middle of the pasta aisle, Louis found himself on the edge of a neurotic breakdown.
"It’s your birthday tomorrow! And your papa better not do anything to muck it up! Because your dada worked very hard to organise it! And all of your aunties and grannies and granddads and friends will be there!” Louis continued in a sweet sing-song voice that seemed to get increasingly frantic as he continued. “And if your papa is in rut, then what? What’ll we do, honey girl? Your dada will be too busy! And your papa will be too horn-”
“Louis,” Harry interrupted, touching Louis’ arm. “I’ll be okay. It’s probably not even my rut. I can appreciate you… all of you… even when I’m not in rut.”
Louis looked at him skeptically, imagining the shitshow that would be Harry in rut, surrounded by family and friends, at their child’s first birthday party. “I hope you’re right, H.”
(this fic was so adorable and soft! i had a smile on my face the entire time! i don’t read a lot of fics where h&l are parents that don’t include pre-pregnancy but this sounded so cute that i couldn’t resist and i’m glad i gave it a shot! it’s well-written and lovely just like all other of this writer’s fics!!)
✰ which is sweeter love or its loss by @doncasterkitten / patdkitten | 6k
After he catches his boyfriend cheating on him, Louis runs away from London and answers an ad to housesit an estate in the Yorkshire Moors while the mysterious owner is away. It's easy enough to forget about his problems when confronted with the routine that exists in a former abbey in the moors, when the only people around are a cat and the caretaker.
And then the mysterious owner returns.
(another vampire harry fic! i loved the writing and the atmosphere in this fic which felt so real and developed despite it being a shorter fic! i loved the louis and harry here and the added aspect of louis getting over being cheated on and trying to escape. the story had a very ambiguous/open ending that worked perfectly for the story!) 
✰ shine a light upon your ground by @ashleyjohnsonfanaccount / louizsv | 9k
Louis sighs again and fiddles with the bracelet on his wrist, twisting the charms around and petting the fake diamonds.
“How much for a night?” A deep voice suddenly asks him. The man who approaches him is already pulling out his wallet and flicking through a bundle of bills. Louis, who had been sitting at the bar completely innocent and minding his own business, lets out an offended, strangled sound.
“Excuse me?” He demands, straightening up in his seat. The hem of his dress creeps further up his thigh but he pays it no mind.
(this author’s writing style is always so immersive and evocative and this fic is no exception! i’m honestly floored by how she managed to write this wonderful story in ONE DAY! the smut was hot and although i definitely pictured H as Harry the entire time, i loved the aspect of mystery in his identity and that the reader could choose to imagine him as whoever they wanted!)
✰ kiss me in your chevrolet by @lougendarey / cinnamons | 12k 
"Yes, Lou?" Harry asked, rubbing his tired eyes. A gust of wind came through the open windows, sending chills down Harry's arms as a light rain began falling outside. He closed his eyes again and let his head fall back to the couch arm rest.
"Can we go there?" Louis asked, probably pointing somewhere. Harry opened his eyes and felt his heart jump in his chest, a magazine page a couple of inches away from his face. Startled, Harry closed his eyes and breathed heavily, trying to collect himself.
Harry blinked a few times to focus his eyes on the page Louis still held in front of his nose. "You want to go to the Grand Canyon?" He furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head to the left to look at Louis' face.
(i love roadtrip aus and this one was so cute and lovely! the * troubles - don’t want to spoil - added another layer of depth to the story and i really enjoyed that too! their relationship was so cute and i loved how supportive and lovely harry was to louis in this fic when he needed it :’) also the ENDING!! i’m a sucker for endings like that - again, don’t want to spoil - and this one was so cute, i had a giant smile on my face!!! remember to read tags!)
✰ A Vivid and Wistful Memory by @lwtisloved / MyEnglishRose | 13k 
In which they are neighbours stuck at home and they happen to start talking through a wall with a piano, a violin, and a flute. They end up writing the soundtrack of their own love story.
(this was so adorable!!! i’ve been craving some more quarantine fics and this one delivered so well! i loved the aspect of violin and flute playing, writing songs together, the neighbors to friends to lovers, and of course i loved louis’ cat, Snowball <3 such a lovely story and so so heartwarming! highly recommend!)
✰ until this blood runs cold by @soldouthaz | 14k
In a town as small as Louis’, everybody knows everybody and gossip spreads faster than the wildfires that rage on just outside their backdoors in the sweltering heat of summer. When something happens here everyone knows about it within seconds. Neighbors call neighbors and notes are left on doorsteps, old telephone lines ringing until there isn’t a single person who is left in the unknown.
So it’s definitely hot gossip when a vampire moves in across the street from him, the very same one who’s just become Louis’ boss.
(amazing, perfect, wonderful as always! sarah’s writing is like a breath of fresh air and this story was truly incredible! i loved the atmosphere and the uniqueness of louis and harry’s jobs - never read anything like it, that’s for sure - and i’m just a sucker for vampire harry in general but sarah’s is perfect <333)
note: this fic is part of a series of vampire fics/drabbles (all of which are completely separate!) titled love bites which sarah and i are doing together so check it out!!!)
✰ UN(RE)SOLVED by @daddyharrie | 21k 
The ghoul boys are back, but this time around there are some unresolved feelings involved. Harry is a skeptic, Louis is not. Watch them go on their ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real?
Or, BuzzFeed Unsolved AU.
(i actually re-read this last month and forgot to talk about it - a TRAGEDY, I’M SORRY - but this is pretty much one of my favorite fics of this year and of all time, hands down. it’s not even that i’m a buzzfeed unsolved fan- this fic is just so??? good??? i’ve read it over five times and i never get tired of this version of harry and louis or the story or the humor. also jealous harry >>>) 
✰ your eyes of blue, your kisses too by @loubellies | 22k
When they get out onto the streets away from the crowds Niall turns to walk backwards, “So did you get any leads?”
“Well- uh.”
Niall shakes his head, “Too busy kissing that pretty boy onstage, I see. Gonna blow the whole case for a piece of ass?”
or the murder in the alleyway.
(so good!!! mar has really outdone herself with this one! historical au + mystery + detective harry is pretty much a recipe to win me over and this took all of those things and combined them perfectly! it’s fast paced and atmospheric - love the 1920s setting for this fic - and engrossing! and the smut was hot hot HOT!)
✰ Quiet People Have the Loudest Minds by @2tiedships2 | 38k 
Louis is a nonverbal omega who has accepted the fact that he will never find an alpha that will treat him as an equal. On the other hand, he’s never met anyone like Harry.
(this was so amazing and so heartwarming! i loved the relationship between louis and harry here and especially how supportive and wonderful harry was with louis and trying to learn how to communicate with him :’) reading this fic was so comforting, i can’t explain it. i just read it in one sitting while laying in bed and i had the dopiest smile on my face at some parts. i don’t normally read fics with no smut but this one was so worth it)
✰ Lidocaine and Palm Trees. by @daddyharrie​ | 45k
Heat, fake tans and lots of traffic.
Harry never expected to earn his living this way when he moved to LA.
Louis didn't think he could ever be the same after his divorce.
A lighthearted story about two guys trying to find themselves in the vibrant, sprawling city of Los Angeles, with a side of technical porn industry stuff.
(i’ve already recced this fic on here a few months back but it’s recently been finished so i will be screaming about it again. another favorite of this year and favorite of all time. i’ve reread this fic over and over since it’s finished and i never get tired of it. i love these characters and this storyline (which is so unique and refreshing, honestly) so much. the setting also makes me feel nostalgic in the best way)
✰ Since I’ve Found You by @all-these-larrythings / Rearviewdreamer | 74k
Louis woke up on the morning he was meant to volunteer at the Feed the Homeless program at St. Mary's church hoping for an opportunity to give back a little to a city that has given him everything he could ever want. Little did he know, there was one more great thing waiting there for him; a boy with radiant green eyes in a weathered jacket and a beat-up backpack slung over his shoulders.
(THIS. FIC. it was so cute and amazing! i don’t get the chance to read a lot of longer fics as much as i want to but i somehow read this in one afternoon because i couldn’t put it down. it was so heartwarming and i loved the progression of their relationship and louis was so lovely and so was harry and ugh, it was so good! the ending made me emotional too <3)
If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!
*if i made any errors, please let me know :)
enjoy!
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realm-sweet-realm · 3 years ago
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A Worthwhile Investment, chapter 4.
“Don’t give me any of that crap,” Grant growled, “You’re going to tell me or I’m going to force it out of you. You don’t like it when I drink water, do you? Well, maybe I’ll go drink a litre of it and see if that makes you any more willing to talk.”
Grant paused, as though listening, and sighed.
“Look, if you’d just talk, it would be easier for both of us. All you’ve told me is that it couldn’t be found in a book. I just don’t want Shawn to find out, see? So-”
At that point, Shawn came in and wrapped Grant up in a hug. Grant nearly jumped out of his skin. “Hey... what were you doing, there?”
“I-I- um... I thought you weren’t home yet. Isn’t it early?”
“It’s two in tha morning. Are you okay?”
Grant didn’t say anything. What could be said? Shawn must have thought he was talking utter nonsense.
“Ya just had a screaming match with a wall. Ah think you should go to a doctor.”
“No. Do you know what they do to mental patients, Shawn? I’m hearing voices- they’ll think it’s schizophrenia. They’ll lock me up, subject me to all kinds of things against my will, and who knows when I’ll be able to come out again.”
Shawn didn’t know anything about psychological treatment. But he knew his boyfriend was shaking at the thought of it. He also knew his boyfriend had been suffering, and that Shawn was suffering, too. “Look- Ah don’t know how to put this gently. You’re scaring me. It’s not just tonight, either. You ain’t hidin’ this very well. Either you need to come to a doctor with me, like, tomorrow, or Ah have to leave this house.”
“You should go, then. I’ll tell you if I work this out. I’m sorry.”
Shawn nodded. “Okay,” he whispered. He then went to go back to bed. The next morning he’d get his things together and crash at Wally’s until he figured something else out. He was halfway down the hallway when he changed his mind.
“Okay, actually? Yer comin’ with me. It’s fer your own good.” Shawn took Grant’s arm and started pulling him. It was a fight, but one that Shawn knew he was strong enough to win.
Grant knew it, too, and he was panicking. He held as tight as he could to the bed’s railing. “Let go! Please!” tears were running down his face as Shawn pulled on him hard enough that he lost grip on the railing. They flew back a couple few meters. The image of himself being strapped down and electrocuted flashed across Grant’s mind, and out of sheer instinct, he slapped Shawn across the face. Shawn was so stunned that he let go, and for a moment they just looked at each other, shocked. Then, Shawn left. He packed an overnight bag and went to Wally’s.
A while later, Wally was answering the door in his pyjamas. He was ready to cuss out whoever had woken him out in the middle of the night until he opened the door and saw Shawn, utterly distraught. “Hey. What’ja need, pal?” he asked in his most sympathetic voice. Had... Wally ever seen Shawn cry before? He didn’t think so.
“A place to sleep. Y’know how I’m roommates with my cousin? Yeah, well, Ah can’t do that anymore. He went crazy. It’s not safe now.”
“Okay. o'course.” Wally led Shawn into his apartment, rattled some dog dishes to get his golden retriever, Goldie, and his two current foster dogs, a rottweiler puppy and a dachshund, off the couch, and brought Shawn a pillow and a blanket. The dogs piled back onto Shawn as soon as he laid down, lulling him to sleep.
The next evening, Shawn and Wally rang the doorbell to Grant’s house.
“Hey. Ah’m here to get mah things.” Thankfully, last night hadn’t left much of a physical mark, but there was so much regret in Shawn’s voice.
“Okay,” Grant answered, even more regret in his, “I can help if you want- or, if it makes you feel safer, we don’t even have to be in the same room together.”
Truthfully, Shawn did feel just a little unsafe around him now- that was why Wally was there. But looking at him now, all Shawn saw was the gentle, considerate man he’d loved for so long. “You can help. Ah don’t think you’d do anything like that again unless you were in the same situation.”
“Thank you.”
They went to Shawn’s room and started the process of packing everything up. The primary reason they’d slept in separate rooms was so they could pass as roommates, but another one was that while Grant kept his things reasonably organized, Shawn preferred organized chaos for both utility and the lack of maintenance it required. Once Grant came in with some cardboard boxes to put everything in, the three men got on the floor, putting away clothes and other assorted belongings. Along the way, Shawn ran into a hat he’d purchased from a baseball game. “Hey. Wally? Ah think we got this. Can you wait in th’hallway an’ give us a little privacy? An’ close the door.”
Wally nodded and did as he was asked.
“You remember our first anniversary, Grant? Ya got us tickets to that playoffs game. St. Louis Cardinals and St. Louis Browns. It surprised me that you’d listened to a word Ah’d said about baseball, but here you were, knowing about the most important game o’the year, and where it was, and that it happened to fall at the right time.”
Grant sat down next to him. “Yeah. I remember that. We got to see some pretty cool landmarks on the way down. And the game was nice, too. Do you remember when that fair came back into town, and you insisted that we have a do-over of our first kiss?”
Shawn just nodded. He was trying not to cry. It just struck him that this would probably be his last time seeing this room. “D-do you remember the time Ah broke mah leg, and you used that as an excuse to ask me to move in with ya?”
“Yeah. Probably still wouldn’t have, otherwise.”
There was a pause in their conversation. Shawn was sobbing. Grant moved to put his arm around him, but stopped. He knew that Shawn needed to leave for his own safety, and didn’t want to tempt him not to. “I know why ya don’t want to get help. But how do ya expect this to end if you don’t?”
“I don’t know. I’m hoping it goes away on its own, or I find a way to manage it.”
Shawn laughed bitterly. “Wow. For once, Ah get to call you reckless an’ over-optimistic.”
“I know. But if I end up in a mental hospital, it will do irreparable damage to my life. No matter what. I’m taking a small chance over no chance.”
Shawn nodded, then leaned over into Grant’s lap. Grant held him for a while before they finished packing.
They never spoke again. They crossed paths in the studio a few more times over the coming three months, Grant looking sicker each time, and Shawn wanted to say something. He just didn’t know what could possibly be said to help him. In the end, Grant passed a letter of warning along to Shawn- the studio was dangerous and Shawn needed to get out as quickly as possible. And he found it just a little too late.
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