#i know people still do them in some circles but like
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UNMATCHED
A/N: it's been like 6 months since i last posted something and honestly, i haven't even written anything, things are very shitty these days but i felt the motivation to write this quickly after watching 'tell me lies' and 'rivals' these past weeks so here we go! if student-prof type of fics are not your thing then don't read it
WORD COUNT: 2.6k
WARNING: age gap, student-professor relationship
SUMMARY: Harry is very strict about staying away from students as a young and handsome professor, but there is one person he can't get out of his head and a Christmas party brings an unexpected turn.
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Harry hates these type of parties, mostly because he can’t imagine inviting dozens of students into his home, his private space, have the roam around and spend an entire evening with them, talking and pretending like they aren’t just trying to get a better grade at the end of the semester with their too friendly behavior. Or, in his case, some girls try to push the boundaries and flirt with him, hoping to hook up with him.
He is not stupid. He has heard students whisper about him several times, he notices the heart eyes when he is talking in class and he has gotten several phone numbers on papers since he started his PHD studies and started teaching last year. His friends teased him about being the heartthrob of the faculty, but he didn’t think it would actually happen and to this extent. To avoid any possible scandals, not that he planned to make any, he has put on quite a rigid mask towards the students to scare them off from even trying, though that hasn’t stopped some of them from wanting to shoot their shot.
He wouldn’t have come to this party, he would rather be home and continue his research that’s still not even close to being done, but Professor Bradford, or Stella as she requests Harry to call her, is the only person he gets along with in the faculty. She is 18 years older than Harry, but still younger than the rest of the old men who have been teaching here since probably before the declaration of independence was signed. Those men are the reason younger people don’t like classic literature anymore, with their outdated ways of teaching and unwillingness to bring something modern into their lectures they are scaring the new generations away. But not Stella. She is one of the reasons Harry went into his PHD and now he gets to work with her. He couldn’t just reject her invitation for her annual Christmas Party she holds for her students and some colleagues.
Now he is standing by the wall, drinking mulled wine and just gritting his teeth, trying to calculate how early is too early to leave. A couple of girls have already tried to chat him up, they like to circle him, leave him almost no room to escape and then make him talk about school stuff, but then they slyly bring up personal things, hoping to break his usual character, but he sees through them always.
Harry’s best friend, Niall always teases him that he should just give in and have fun with one of them. His morals are a lot looser than Harry’s, that’s for sure.
Just as he is about to look for the bathroom, not to use it but to hide for a bit, another group of girls spots him and he can already feel his skin crawling as they approach him from down the hallway. He is quick to assess the situation, but he realizes he has no chance of fleeing before they reach him.
“Profesor! So good to see you here!”
And here we go.
It goes the same, they are extremely nice and inquiring about his plans for the next semester and then suddenly they are talking about summer and Harry knows they are moments away from asking what he’ll be doing once the school year is over. One of the girls is talking about going to Italy on a yacht and the others chime in with their own ridiculously over the top plans while Harry is avoiding to even look at them, his eyes roam around the other guests.
That’s when he sees her.
Just down the hall he can peek into the kitchen and there she is, with a boy Harry assumes to be her boyfriend. He’s seen them around campus the past few weeks, he even waited for her after Harry’s class and saw them walk away together as he fought the way his stomach churned every time.
Since the moment she walked into his class at the beginning of the semester Harry has been feeling like he is losing his mind. Whether it be the way she laughs with her friends before class or focuses with undivided attention as Harry explains something by the board, or says hello every time she passes him in the cafeteria, Harry can’t stop thinking about her for days after even though he knows such feelings should be banned from his mind when it comes to a student. Every time he catches himself thinking about her he wants to throw himself out the window, but he still can’t fight it. There’s something in her that draws him in and swallows him whole and it’s not just the looks. Unlike a lot of students who take his classes for easy credits or to drool after him, she is there to learn as much as she can and she’s had the most brilliant thoughts on certain subjects Harry has ever encountered, making him almost jealous he wasn’t the one to think about them.
She is… unmatched. And forbidden, but impossible to ignore. She’s been his vice for months.
From where he stands it appears she is having a fight with said boyfriend, her always cheerful expression is now rather upset and confused while the boy seems to be over the conversation, almost irritated by her, dismissed. Harry tries to appear not too obvious about watching them, but he is also way too fixated on her to ignore what’s happening just down the hallway.
He glances away just for a few seconds, but the next time he looks back he sees the boy stomping away, irritated, while she is left there, pulling on her coat before disappearing through the backdoor, swallowed by the darkness of the unlit back terrace.
And before Harry could stop himself, he is already moving.
“Excuse me girl,” he mumbles disorientedly as he slips out of the small circle.
He places his glass to a nearby table and then grabs his own coat from the wardrobe in the hallway before making his way outside. After her.
The moment he steps out into the cold a short sense of realization washes over him that he definitely shouldn’t be here, that he is crossing a line, but then another voice in his head tunes it out, convincing him that he is just making sure she is okay and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Stopping by the door his gaze rakes through the terrace, but he doesn’t see her, until she spots her slouched form sitting on the bottom of the stairs leading out to the lawn. He hears her sniffling, but she hasn’t acknowledged his presence yet, if she noticed it at all. There’s a couple of moments of hesitation on his end, he can hear the rational side of him screaming somewhere in the back of his mind, telling him to turn around and just walk back inside, yet he still finds himself moving towards him and then that voice is silenced.
“Everything alright?” Harry asks from the top of the stairs, but he startles her so much that she jumps to her feet and backs away a few feet. That’s when he sees her tearful eyes and red nose.
“S-Sorry, I don’t–”
“Hey, it’s all good. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just checking in.”
She squints her eyes at him and that’s when he realizes she must not even see his face since the light is coming right behind him. So he walks down the stairs and then finally his face is lit and realization settles in her eyes.
“Oh, Professor Styles. Hi.”
“Hello Y/N. Are you okay?” he asks again, to which she just chuckles bitterly.
He can’t miss that even with tears running down her cheeks and her eyelashes stuck together, she looks so fucking beautiful it baffles him. He has to fight the urge to reach out and touch her tear-soaked cheeks.
“Um, yeah, everything is… perfect,” she scoffs, reaching into her pockets, probably looking for tissues, but finding none so Harry grabs one from his inner pocket, handing it over to her, her fingers brushing against his for the shortest second as she takes it and then it’s over, but his skin keeps tingling.
“Thanks,” she mumbles before drying her face as much as she can. “I’m good. Just…” She looks at him and changes her mind. “Ah, wouldn’t want to bore you with my nonsense personal drama.”
“Drama is never boring, have you learned nothing in my class?” he jokes and it actually makes her laugh.
“This drama is not worthy of being taught in class though.”
“I bet some of the big names thought the same thing upon writing what we read in class these days.”
“So you’re saying I should write about how my boyfriend is fed up with me because I told him something he did hurt me?”
“That sounds like something I bet a lot of people would want to read about,” he smiles and when she mirrors it, he can feel his chest expanding. Somewhere way too deep in his mind an alarm goes off, but it quickly becomes one with the void and all he can think about is her. “Actually I can think of a few great pieces that are about similar topics.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, believe it or not, you’re not the first one to experience this.”
The way she looks at him is setting him on fire. The mixture of sadness, tiredness and gratitude towards his attempt to cheer her up is still making her glow in a way Harry has never seen before on any woman.
“Do you mind analyzing one for me right now?”
“I’d be happy to.”
The party is completely tuned out for the two of them. First they actually talk about a novel, but soon it turns into sharing their favorite books and authors, their guilty pleasure reads, recommendations for each other and even more personal bits Harry would never share with a student, but Y/N is the exception.
They have no idea how much time passes as they stand outside and Harry ignores how the cold starts to sting his fingertips even in his pockets, because he knows that if they go inside this bubble will pop and he is too selfish to let that happen just yet.
When there’s a short silence Harry notices that she is probably slipping back into what happened earlier and when she looks at him again he already knows she is about to share.
“I gave him a chance and explicitly told him not to fuck me over, because I can’t deal with that again. But all he has been doing is manipulating to believe that I’m always in the wrong.”
“It’s impossible for you to always be in the wrong.”
“I know. Well, part of me knows, but then I always go back to thinking that he is right, I must have messed up something.”
“That just proves that you have self-criticism, that you don’t just think everything you do is perfect.”
She sighs and looks away, her gaze distant as she battles herself inside her head, a feeling Harry knows very well, unfortunately. It doesn’t sit right with him that she is visibly struggling because of an immature guy’s untreated problems. She deserves so much more, but how can he tell that without crossing a line?
“Give it some time and you’ll see it clearer. Use your critical thinking on his actions as well, not just yours and don’t settle for less than your worth.”
“You think I did that?” she asks, eyes jumping back to meet his gaze. “You think I settled for less than my worth?”
There’s more behind her eyes than the words she said out loud and he is torn, because he can feel himself being pulled in more than ever, like she just opened the door the slightest and he has the chance to slip in. It’s the first time he senses something on her part and after all the yearning he is eager to take the chance.
“I think you deserve a lot more, Y/N. You’re brilliant, bright and give so much to others, you should get the same amount if not more back. If someone can’t see that, then they don’t deserve you.”
For a second he wishes he didn’t say a thing, he regrets crossing the line and he fears her reaction, but then…
Then he forgets everything. Because she is kissing him.
It happens fast, one moment she is staring up at him with doe eyes, the next her lips are crashing against his, her hands grabbing onto the lapels of his coat. He barely recovers from the shock when she is already pulling away.
“I-I’m so sorry, I d-didn’t mean to, I just—Oh my Go–”
Her stammering is quickly cut short when he kisses her, his hands holding her jaw to angle her face perfectly and while her kiss was closed, rushed and panicked, this one is different. He is quick to beg for her to open her lips so he can explore as much of her as humanly possible, he is letting all the passions loose that he’s been locking up these past months and when she returns it just as eagerly it just pushes him even further.
They inch back to the wall of the house and when he pins her against it a moan slips past her swollen lips, completely maddening him.
“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes against her lips, kissing her jawline, savoring the sweet taste of her skin that’s supposed to be cold, but it’s actually burning. For him.
He keeps one hand on the side of her neck, the other one digs into her hip through her coat and she keeps pushing against him, while her hands wander under his coat, they are on his waist, back and when they move to his lower stomach, brushing against his belt, something snaps inside him.
But before he could completely lose his mind the backdoor opens and he quickly sobers up, pulling her farther away from the corner so they can’t be seen.
“...and that was actually crazy,” a girl speaks up, oblivious to how Harry has Y/N pinned against the wall just a few feet away. They are both breathing heavily, but she has her face buried in his shoulder while he covers his mouth with a hand, adrenaline racing through his veins.
“Ah shit, I’m out of cigarettes,” another girl says.
“Mm let’s get out of here then. I think Max said they are having a little party as well.”
“Okay.”
Then the door opens again and the voices disappear, but reality hits Harry hard in the head.
He slowly pulls back, enough to look at her face and when he sees her swollen lips and slightly smeared mascara he almost combusts.
Because he wants nothing more than to take her, right here and then everywhere else in the world, but he also realizes what he just did and this time his rational side wins.
“Fuck,” he gasps as he jumps back, cupping a hand over his mouth.
“I wanted it–”
“Y/N, stop!” he cuts her off. “Fuck, this was a mistake.”
“But I wanted it! You didn’t–”
“I said stop!” he barks and she shuts her mouth right away. “This shouldn’t have happened.”
And before she could protest again or worse, kiss him again, he is already storming back inside, across the house towards the front door.
“Harry! I haven’t seen you all night!” Stella catches him, but he just wants to get as far away from this house and from Y/N as possible.
“I’m sorry, I need to go. I’ll talk to you later,” is all he manages to say before he is already out the door.
Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!
#harry#styles#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles oneshot#harry styles one shot#harry styles fluff#harry styles x you#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x reader#harry styles blurb
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A New Face
pairing: Tara Carpenter x Reader
summary: where the group of friends meet Chad's new roommate.
word count: 1737
pt.2
a/n: heyyyyy this is my first ever fic I've written, don't mind it being cringy and I'm open to feedback teehee hope ya'll enjoy (p.s I'm new to this whole Tumblr thing cut me some slack 😭)
Chad has been trying to convince the core four to hangout at his apartment. He had been feeling lonely recently since Mindy and Anika had recently moved in together.
It took him a few weeks to finally convince them into hanging out at his apartment. With Sam’s paranoia and busy work schedule, and the heavy workload for Tara,Mindy, and Anika in college, they were finally able to make the time and hangout. Plus, they could use a new scenery besides the Carpenter’s apartment, right?
That particular day they were supposed to meet up at Chad’s apartment, Tara was feeling under the weather, her finals for her college exam was killing her; And all she wanted to do was eat some greasy dough with sauce and meat while watching scary movies.
“Hey guys! Come in, the pizza is getting delivered soon.” Chad exclaimed while hopping on his toes, feeling ecstatic since he hadn’t met them for a while.
“What’s with you? you’re acting like a kid, dude.” Mindy commented, noticing her twin brothers’ gleamed faced and excitement.
“Sorry, I’ve been lonely and I’m just glad we’re all together again. THE CORE FOUR! And Anika, of course.”
“Didn’t you put up an online ad for a roommate? Where are they?”
“You don’t learn, do you?” Sam added, frowning with Chad’s method of calling in someone to fill in the extra room.
Chad abashedly chuckled, and lowered his head, his cheeks burning up from embarrassment. It was Sam, who wouldn’t be scared?
“My roommate is cool! They’re out for work and should be here soon. They’re not a psychotic serial killer, I promise.”
Sam was skeptical, rightfully so. Meanwhile, Tara was sat on the couch, with her legs on the coffee table while scrolling through the tv to find a movie to watch. She couldn’t bother joining in on the conversation. She felt mentally exhausted from her exams and just wanted a day’s rest.
After a while, the group was playing card games while eating their pizzas and watching movies.
“That’s not fair Mindy! Stop giving me all the +4 cards!” Tara shrieked, feeling frustrated after getting the card that made her double the number of cards she had at least 4 times, making her chances of winning low.
“Whatever you big baby. Just admit that you suck in uno,” Mindy responded, smirking triumphantly while raising her voice
Tara rolled her eyes, not accepting her defeat and continued arguing with Mindy, with the rest watching amused by the entertainment. Unsurprisingly , Tara lost after Mindy getting rid of her cards before her. She couldn’t get rid of her cards with the suspicious amounts of +4 cards Mindy had.
“Uno! Looks like I win, LOSER!”
“How about I shove this uno cards up your a-“
Tara’s reply was interrupted by the front door opening, revealing you carrying your backpack on your shoulders and your motorcycle helmet hanging off your hand (which peaked Tara’s interest, of course.) You looked tired, with dark circles under your eye, wearing your hoodie and sweatpants.
Even so, Tara still thought you were the most beautiful human being she had ever seen. She was practically having heart eyes and drooling at this point, with Mindy noticing her stare and grinning cheekily.
“What’s up dude. Tough day at work?” Chad commented, trying to create a conversation.
“You know it, man” you softly chuckled while locking the door.
“Anyways, my friends are gonna be here for a while. I hope you don’t mind,”
“Not at all, I’m probably just going to take a nap anyways,” you replied, finally looking at the group of people staring you.
Mindy gave you a nod, already knowing who you were from her brother. Anika smiled and waved at you, which you responded by giving a soft smile back. Sam was staring you down, which made you uncomfortable and creeped out but ignored her action. Tara was well, staring at you? But not how Sam stared at you, she had a blank look on her face.
Once you left and went into the hallway to your room, Mindy decided make a certain Carpenter’s life a living hell.
“Tara, are you blushing right now? I didn’t know you had a type” she teased
“Shut up, Mindy. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You guys don’t find her suspicious? Seriously?” Sam commented, wondering why they weren’t skeptical like they usually were when there was new people around.
It wasn’t new, after the incident of Ghostface, they all had their guards up, scared to open up to new people, to new faces.
“They’re nice, I promise. How about I call them out so you guys can get to know them? They’re Y/N, by the way” Chad suggested, trying to convince them (especially Sam) to get to know you better before jumping into conclusions that you were a serial killer.
All of them collectively agreed, with Tara nodding with a slight tint on her cheeks. Chad went up to your room and called you out, suggesting that you should hang out with them. Tara assumed it went well, as Chad grinned toothily and walked away.
You’ve really peaked her interest. She didn’t know she had a type. The people she had dated before didn’t really cast a spark on her. She didn’t feel happy or enjoyed her time during those relationships. It felt like she was the problem, however the thought was down the drain after going to a few therapy sessions with Sam after the Ghostface incident. Through the sessions, Tara found out that she didn’t feel happy through the lack of trust and being paranoid that her partner would be a killer. That’s understandable, it’s not everyday that your (ex) girlfriend tries to murder you.
However after seeing you for 10 seconds, her mind was clouded by you. She noticed that you were as tall as Chad and probably plays sports too, based on your physique. All she thought of was finding out more about you. Do you study in Blackmore? What bike do you own? Do you prefer cats or dogs? Did you find her cute?
‘Come on, Tara. Get it together.’ She reminded herself after that embarrassing thought.
When she saw you come out with the same sweatpants, but with a black t-shirt that showed off your arm sleeve tattoo on your left arm, she was practically drooling. You looked hot as fuck.
“Hey guys, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Y/N”
“I’m Tara,” she quickly replied, seeing Mindy and Anika grinning at each other with a knowing look from her peripheral vision.
You gave a smile. You looked cute. You had that cute ass dimples no one could ever resist, Tara thought. You might be the death of her.
The group settled down and decided to watch a movie, you sat the end of the couch while waiting for the movie to start. Mindy, being an (alleged) amazing wingman she is, literally forced Tara into sitting beside you by pushing her. She sat on the couch with a sigh, annoyed at Mindy’s antics and rolled her eyes. Sam was just giggling at the other side of the couch.
As much as Sam didn’t trust you, she was glad that Tara could act like a normal teenager again. After multiple therapy sessions, she gave Tara a little bit of more freedom and let her make her own decisions, even if it’s distasteful to her. That doesn’t mean she wouldn’t tase someone in the balls again, though.
You mistakenly thought the sigh Tara gave out was because she had to sit beside you. You had known about what happened to their group from Chad, after he poured his heart out when he was blackout drunk. You understood the group of friends can be lack trust and be suspicious of new people.
“Sorry, did you want to sit with someone else? I can sit on the floor if you want-“
“No! I mean it’s okay, I don’t mind sitting with you,” Tara replied with a heavy tint on her cheeks, embarrassed at her sudden reaction.
Throughout the movie, you were munching on your pizza, oblivious to the amount of times Tara took glances at you while trying to think of topics to create a conversation with you.
“So..How do you find the movie?” Tara questioned you, trying to get to know you a little bit better.
“It’s alright, though I prefer other scary movies. I definitely do have favourites.”
“Oh, what’s your favourite horror film?”
“I absolutely love The Babadook, it’s amazing because I..” Any words that you uttered out of that beautiful mouth of yours disappeared. The universe must be sending a sign, she needs you badly. There’s no way Chad’s super cute, hot roommate would coincidentally like The Babadook, Tara thought
“Blah, blah, blah, proper name, place name, backstory stuff..” was all she could hear.
You on the other hand, only saw Tara staring at you blankly while she had her own inner turmoil and crisis.
“Uh, Tara..? You alright there?” you chuckled awkwardly.
“What? Oh, yeah sorry. I love The Babadook too! What’s your favourite scene?” Tara smoothly taught of a way to continue the conversation, silently cheering for herself.
It took you both 2 horror films and a shared bag of popcorn to exchange numbers. Tara was secretly cheering in ecstasy of course. She would’ve jumped around and start dancing if she could. It was already close to midnight, and Sam decided that they should go back home before it’s too late to catch the last train. Tara was devastated, she wished that she could’ve spent more time with you.
“Soo, I’ll see you next time then? It was nice seeing you.” You initiated a conversation, seeing that Tara was pouting at Sam while trying to convince her into staying a little while longer
“Y-Yeah, see you. We should continue our horror fanatic activities again,” She chuckled, trying to prolong the moment. You nodded your head, giving her a soft smile while leading her, Sam, and the couple out of the apartment, since Chad was knocked out and asleep.
You took your last goodbyes with the group, even giving Sam a small wave, before closing the door.
In the elevator, all Anika, Mindy and even Sam did was tease her on how red and lovestruck she looked. She didn’t pay any mind to it, all she could ever think of was you.
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Request: Jason is surprisingly affectionate in private
JASON TOOD X GN! READER
SUMMARY: You're tired, Jason takes care of you
WARNINGS: None, enjoy!
WC: 1.4k
The door to your apartment closed softly behind you as you stepped inside, your body feeling heavy with the weight of the day. Gotham’s chaos had seeped into everything—into your bones, into your mind. You were physically and emotionally drained, barely able to summon the energy to hang your coat or kick off your boots. The city had a way of exhausting you, of leaving you with nothing to give. It had been one of those weeks—long hours, too much stress, too many things left undone.
But when you entered your living room, you didn’t expect to find him here. Jason Todd. You didn’t even know he was coming over.
He was sprawled out on your couch, leaning back with one leg draped over the side, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at his phone. There was a mug of coffee on the table in front of him, untouched, cooling. The lights were low, casting a soft glow that made the apartment feel more like a refuge than the outside world ever could.
You paused for a moment, not wanting to disturb him—until you noticed the way his posture changed when he heard you enter. His eyes flicked up from his phone, a flicker of surprise crossing his face, quickly replaced by something softer, more concerned.
"Long day?" he asked, his voice quiet, low, the usual edge replaced by a gentler tone.
You nodded, dropping your things in the entryway with a tired sigh. “It’s been a week,” you muttered, rubbing your eyes. “I’m... exhausted.”
Jason didn’t respond right away. He just looked you over, his eyes narrowing slightly as he registered the exhaustion on your face, the way your shoulders sagged in defeat. He was used to seeing people at their worst, but he wasn’t used to seeing you like this. Not like this.
“Come here,” he said, his voice no longer playful but soft, almost commanding in the way he said it.
You glanced at him, too tired to argue, and slowly made your way over to the couch. Jason shifted, sitting up straighter, making space beside him. Without saying anything, he reached out and pulled your legs onto his lap, arranging them carefully like he was afraid you might pull away, like he was trying to be gentle with you in a way he wasn’t always.
“Sit,” he repeated, this time with a soft insistence, as if his only goal was to make sure you found some comfort.
You hesitated for only a moment before sitting down next to him, sinking into the couch. He gave you a small, almost imperceptible smile before grabbing the blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over both of you. The weight of it was comforting, the fabric soft and warm. His arm naturally settled around your shoulders, pulling you closer, a silent invitation to rest against him.
"You’re too stubborn," he muttered, more to himself than to you, but the words were gentle, like a small reprimand for not taking better care of yourself. His fingers rubbed at the back of your neck, slow and soothing. "You push yourself too hard. You need to slow down."
You leaned your head against his chest, letting out a soft breath, feeling the warmth of his body seep into yours. The exhaustion was still there, but now it felt distant. For the first time all day, you didn’t feel like you had to be on alert. With him beside you, the weight of everything seemed lighter.
“I don’t know how to stop sometimes,” you whispered, your voice barely above a murmur. “I just keep going. Even when I’m running on empty.”
Jason didn’t say anything for a while. Instead, his hand moved from your neck to your back, rubbing in slow, comforting circles as if trying to ease away the tension that had built up over the course of the week. You could feel the softness in his touch, the way he wasn’t rushing to do anything—just being present.
“You don’t have to do it alone, you know.” His words were quiet but firm. "Let me take care of you for once. Let me help."
You swallowed, your throat tight at the unexpected vulnerability in his voice. It wasn’t often that Jason opened up like this. He had walls, thick and impenetrable, built from years of hurt. But tonight, he seemed to be letting those walls fall, just a little.
His hand slid down your arm, pulling you even closer to him, until your head was tucked under his chin. The rhythm of his breath steadied yours, and you felt something in your chest—something warm and soft—begin to unfold.
“You’re always the one taking care of everyone else,” Jason said, his voice barely a whisper. “But you deserve to be taken care of too. I’m not going anywhere. Let me help.”
You closed your eyes, trying to push away the tightness that had settled in your chest, the overwhelming feeling that had accompanied the last few days. But his touch, the heat of his body against yours, seemed to make the anxiety fade away, leaving only calm in its wake.
“Thank you,” you murmured, not sure if you were thanking him for the moment of peace, or for his willingness to show up when you least expected it. But the gratitude was there, unspoken but felt all the same.
Jason didn’t respond. Instead, he reached over and grabbed your tea mug from the side table, gently pressing it into your hands. “Drink. It’ll help you relax.”
You took the mug, the warmth of the tea seeping into your cold hands. You sipped it slowly, savoring the way it warmed you from the inside. Jason sat quietly beside you, his fingers still tracing small, comforting patterns on your arm as he watched you. There was no rush, no pressure to talk, to be anything other than what you were in that moment. He was giving you space to breathe, to let go.
As the tea worked its magic, you felt the tension begin to melt away. Your eyelids grew heavy, your body sinking deeper into the couch as Jason adjusted, his body angling closer to yours.
“Lie down,” he said softly, shifting you slightly so you were resting more comfortably on the couch. “You need sleep. You need to rest.”
You didn’t argue. It was too much to argue with him when you felt this good—when his care wrapped around you like a blanket, giving you the comfort you’d been lacking.
He rearranged the pillows behind your head, making sure you were propped up just enough. His hand was never far from you, always resting somewhere on your body, as though he couldn’t quite stop touching you. He wasn’t smothering you, though. It was a subtle, gentle thing—just enough to reassure you that he was there.
You closed your eyes, your body relaxed in a way you hadn’t felt in days. The weight of the world was slowly lifting, and with Jason beside you, you felt safe.
“You don’t have to do anything,” he murmured, his voice low and steady. “I’ll be here. Just sleep.”
You nodded, too tired to say anything more. His hand shifted again, this time moving to your cheek, brushing a stray hair away as he gently cupped your face in his palm. His thumb traced over your skin, soft and slow, and for a moment, it felt like he was taking in every detail of you—every part of you that had been worn down, that needed healing.
And then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Jason leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. The touch was tender, almost reverent, and when he pulled away, you could feel the gentle brush of his breath against your skin.
“Sleep,” he whispered again, the words a soothing balm.
Your eyelids fluttered closed, and you let yourself drift into sleep, the warmth of Jason’s presence grounding you, keeping you safe in the quiet moments. As you drifted off, you could still feel the steady rhythm of his hand on your back, the softness in his touch, the care he was offering so freely. You didn’t need to say anything more. Tonight, Jason had given you what you needed most: peace, tenderness, and a reminder that you weren’t alone.
#jason todd#jason todd fanfiction#red hood#jason todd fluff#jason todd x reader#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x you#red hood x reader#batboys#fluff#jasontodd#redhood#batfamily#dc robin#fanfic#fanfiction#jason todd fanfic
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BREAK DOWN YOUR WALLS, OPEN UP YOUR HEART / lia wälti x reader
ah, ah, oh let my love adorn you, baby don't you ever don't you let nobody tell you different, baby i'll always adore you you gotta know now you got to know, know, know
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀━ adorn, miguel
summary: you never felt like you belonged until lia came along.
contains: shy!reader, mentions of loneliness, low self-esteem, and isolation, oblivious lesbians, katie being a menace, time-line is slightly messy
author notes: wrote this for my girls who have felt like they are in the background their entire life and wish someone would notice them 🩷 it's okay, i see you because i am you.
you know those people that can light up a room just by walking into it? the ones who command attention just from their presence alone?
well, you aren't one of those people.
instead, you're the type that walks in and slowly blends into the wall. the one who awkwardly looks around, listening in on everyone's vibe. trying to see where you can squeeze in (it always ends up being nowhere, by the way).
that's just how you been since nearly forever. you remember family members and teachers commenting on how you were so quiet, they would forget you were in the room with them sometimes. was it a compliment or a foreshadowing of a trait that would turn into a flaw? who knows, you were six.
it's not that you don't want to put yourself out there. you do, but it's just so hard. it seems like everyone else has it figured out, and you're the only odd one out. everything about you has always been standoffish and anxious. a mind that's desperately trying to disguise itself as normal.
you just didn't fit in. that was obviously your place in life whether you liked it or not.
the only place you ever fitted in at was football. not amongst the likes of the locker room but out on the pitch. you knew exactly what to do with a ball between your feet like there was language between just you and the ball. that's why you made the sport your everything, putting your all into it even when others would question why you were so passionate. they wouldn't understand; they fit alongside the other puzzle pieces of society while you were an outside piece that was meant for a different puzzle. one that involves a ball, a net, and a pitch.
still the moment you stepped a foot off that pitch, your puzzle would fall apart.
that's just how it is.
that's why your expectations when you transferred to arsenal were pretty low. coming from tottenham, where all the other women were lovely but you weren't ever really apart of the circle outside of football, you expected things to go the same way at the red and white club.
and at first, it did. your first week went pretty well. got introduced to everyone, made small steps towards being apart of the team chemistry on the field, and even talked a bit in the locker room. however, overall, you stayed to yourself. the first to arrive at the locker room and the first to leave. keeping your cubby spot pretty much spotless because you didn't want to take up much space.
it's not the rest of the arsenal girls didn't try to include you, but everytime you saw a text in the groupchat about making plans or heard everyone talking about doing something outside of the practice grounds, you shyed away from it. feeling too out of place to join in. why even go if you were just going to sit there and be silent watching everyone else like some creep? more like some loser. you didn't think anyone noticed your absentness from every outing that wasn't mandated as a team bonding activity. nobody has that much interest in me anyways, so there is no point of going you thought to yourself when the loneliness really got to you.
expect someone did take interest. it just seems like you were so into your own head about your awkwardness and being outside of the group that you didn't notice the looks from one of your teammates.
"feels like i rarely see you even though we play on the same team," the sweet voice of lia rings in your ears as you sit out near the bonfire. this is your first time hanging out with the team outside of practice and matches, a mandated team bonding hangout at leah's. while everyone else was in the house enjoying the warmth of the heating, you were outside in your coat. sipping on your coffee with tons of sugar and cream in the england fall weather. why? you just needed some air was your excuse, and no, you didn't need anyone to come sit out there with you is what you said when kim asked. in reality, your mind couldn't take sitting on the couch beside everyone while they talk like they have known eachother since forever even though they basically have, and you're the only one out of the loop. your own fault for not coming out with everyone else more, you guess.
you shrug with a shy smile, "yeah.. i don't talk much, so that's probably why." it feels self insulting to say that, but it's true.
lia smiles before taking a seat next to you. she scoots over until your thighs touch. her eyes glance at you with a questioning look, is this okay? they say.
you respond with a smile back, not moving away from the contact. how could you feel uncomfortable when lia is looking at you with those eyes that feel carved out of a renaissance era painting and that smile that would even blind angels.
were you attracted to lia? maybe a little. she's pretty and from a far you have seen her personality shine so well when she's joking with everyone else in the locker room. you couldn't help yourself.
"nope, that's not it," lia takes a sip of her own coffee, "viv didn't talk a crazy amount, but she still was apart of us. you act like you don't want to be around us."
oh, okay. her words surprise you. it wasn't like you were ever rude or actually turned down an invitation to hang, you just didn't go. acting like you barely read the groupchat and didn't hear the girls talking about plans. you never thought anyone noticed you not being there anyways.
caught in your own thoughts, you stay silent for longer than you meant to. lia takes your silence for offense and immediately starts to apologize, "not that you aren't a great teammate or anything. you're amazing! just wish we could see you out of those kits more."
oh.
oh, shit. she wants to see you more outside of football. not just lia, but the whole team.. maybe? that's what implied, right?
"i want to see you guys outside of football, too. it's just.." you struggle to find the words to say. not that you didn't know why things were this way, you did, it's just.. you don't want to sound like a loser.
lia licks her lips, probably due to the cold, before saying, "i get it. i know how hard it is to fit into a new team. took me a while to get comfortable here, too, especially with all the big personalities." the brunette gives you a warm smile, one that you return. the two of you sip at your coffees at the same time. somehow, you're already synced. foreshadowing? perhaps.
she knows. lia knows how you feel in a way. these feelings you hold aren't just your own, and that's comforting.
"...yeah. i'm just a little scared, you know? it just feels weird to try to talk with everyone else. i never know what to say," you explain softly. it feels like a weight is lifted off your shoulders as you speak the words into the cool air.
lia makes this cute frown expression that makes you flush slightly; maybe it's the cold. she's really cute. why haven't you been paying more attention before?
"i was excited when i heard you were signing with us. you know, i been a fan of your play for a while now. we even played against eachother once at the international level.. i don't know if you remember that, though," lia looks slightly bashful. that makes your heart flutter because you have never seen lia shy before. just her comfortable presence amongst the others. she looks at you, fluttering her eyelashes all pretty when she notices that you're looking intently at her. she continues on, "and everyone else were excited too! still are. basically, what i'm saying is we want to get to know you. don't shy away from us. i swear we don't bite."
lia winks at you before standing up, giving you a nice pat on the shoulder.
"my coffee is nearly empty and it is way too cold to be out here. come inside when you're ready? no rush, of course. it's just i know beth probably pulled everyone into doing some games and i wouldn't want you to miss you. we all wouldn't want you to miss out" and with that she leaves, going back into leah's flat.
your heart is pounding as you take in everything that just happened. everyone on the team wants you around, lia wants you around. you didn't realize how badly you needed to hear that until now. your soul use to be fine with going throughout the world without a solid place to call home, but now maybe arsenal might be that spot to anchor down to.
lia left you feeling warmer than the bonfire a few meters away from you.
i might as well you think to yourself before getting up and going inside of the flat. your coffee is nearly gone anyways.
slowly, but surely you are pulled into the arsenal circle. it started out with lia inviting you out for brunch with leah, beth, and vic who brought along laura. arriving at the cute little shop, your heart was pounding in your chest. the sound blocking out everything else going on. why did your walk feel so awkward as you approached the table? god, you're so weird. why did you even come?
that's how you felt at first until lia smiles at you. she gestures for you to come sit next to her, and you happily do. everyone greets you as well. it feels so nice to be included.
"hey guys," you say softly. of course, you overthink those words. wondering if you should have said something more interesting. seems like no one else thinks the same as they immediately pull you into the conversation.
the rest of brunch goes really well. you don't talk a crazy amount, but you are definitely apart of the conversation. the best part was when during the middle of brunch when lia patted your thigh, making sure you were doing alright. for just a moment, you two just looked at eachother, exchanging words with just eyes alone.
is this okay?
better than okay.
apparently, time flies when you're having fun because brunch is over before you know it. saying goodbye to everyone doesn't feel like you're exiting a room that never wanted you there. you don't leave feeling empty and embarrassed. instead, you leave feeling fulfilled from a good time had.
you even get a few hugs before everyone drives away. everyone expect lia. she stays near your car, leaning against the metal. the brunette smiles at you warmly when you come closer, having just said goodbye to vic who's gone now.
"i carpooled with leah here and told her i would carpool with you on the way back. i wanted to check up on you without everyone else around. is that okay?" the care and slight nervousness in her voice makes you want to hug her. would that be weird?
you don't dwell on the thought. replying to her with, "more than okay. i'm so.. happy right now. that went better than i thought it would."
"told you. we want you around," lia chuckles, playfully giving your hand a soft pinch when you come close enough. the contact has your cheeks flushing, but you ignore that. grabbing her hand fully.
"yeah, yeah.. i know now. thanks for showing me." you pull her over to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for her. unfortunately, you have to let her hand go to allow her to get in the car, but it's all good when you see the smile lia flashes you. of course you flash her a smile back before shutting the door and going around the car.
as you reach the drivers seat, you think over what just happened. when did you get so comfortable with lia to just grab her hand? when did you two get so close she could pinch yours? and who are you to open the door for her? when did you get so bold?
lia is definitely bringing a different side out of you.
you reach lia's flat in twenty minutes that feel even shorter than that because you and lia were singing along to beyonce the entire way.
she unbuckles her seat belt but doesn't get out of the car. licking her lip before looking at you with a soft look.
"this was nice. i hope we can do this more often," lia's hands go to play with one of the pockets on her cargo pants.
thinking she's referring to the brunch, you nod with a smile, "totally. i didn't realize going out with others could feel so.. good."
lia's own smile widens. feeling happy and pretty satisfied with herself that she helped you reach this point even though it's just a small step.
one small step for you is the key to a great future where you're apart of something. a future that you deserve.
"yeah, that's great and i'm so glad you came out with us but that's not what i meant."
oh. you give her a look of confusion, your heart pounding slightly at her tone.
lia gives your a look of confusion a giggle in return. "what i meant was.. it was nice getting some alone time with you. screaming beyonce at the top of our lungs was fun! and i hope we can hang out more. just the two of us."
before you can respond, she gets out of the car. giving you a soft smile after she shuts the door.
"see you tomorrow," lia says.
still processing what she said two seconds ago, you spit out a simple, "see you!"
your mind is still hazy as you watch her walk up to her flat and enter it. only then, at the sound of her screen door shutting, do you snap out of your mind and drive off.
that day was the start of something special.
lia and you started getting closer. you started getting closer to everyone on the team, something you never thought would happen.
coffee with leah, dinner with caitlin, shopping trip with lotte. you were slipping into the puzzle that was arsenal instead of slipping through the cracks like you always do. having close friends was a change, but a nice one. when something exciting happened to you, there were actually people to tell. when you were bored out of your mind, there were people to ask to come over. when you had gotten sick with a cold, you could ask someone to come over, and there were people beside your parents, who actually cared to know if you were feeling any better. all this was attention was so new, but very much welcome.
especially attention from lia who hasn't stopped keeping you close since that bonfire hangout at leah's. after the brunch, you two have just gotten closer. way closer than you are to the others. tons of hangouts, getting eachother coffee before practice, carpooling to team hangouts, calling, and texting all the time. you even noticed her giving you some looks in the locker room sometimes. that never bothered you since.. you were taking a few looks at her, too.
lia was really becoming your person, and everyone else could see it from a mile away. the rest of the arsenal girls never said anything about it, not wanting to push you back into the shell you had just come out of.
everyone but katie mccabe.
the irish woman has been making subtle jokes about lia and you since she noticed the obvious tension between you two. you mostly ignored them, not even believing lia looked at you in that way. you may have gained alot of confidence by putting yourself out there more with lia's help, but some insecurity still hangs around for old times sakes.
you never saw any truth in those jokes until a match made all the pieces fall together in your mind.
the moment happens during a london derby. the score is currently a draw of 0 to 0. both teams are equally frustrated. the adrenaline in your system is on a high as the minutes pass by. the match is nearly over, and you refuse to allow arsenal to leave this pitch without at least one goal. you see your chance when frida passes you the ball, and you're off. sliding your way through chelsea's defense until there is just one obstacle left, zećira. there's a split second where her eyes move from the ball to you and that second is your chance to aim straight for the right side of the net.
more than half of the crowd erupts into cheers as the ball goes flying past zećira, hitting the back of the net. you can't even think about the cheers as someone jumps onto you with full force. immediately you know it is lia just from scent alone. her flowery perfume is a staple in your mind alongside a list of lil trinkets about the swiss woman. lia's face finds it's home right in your neck, her arms around your shoulders and legs around your waist. you would have a bigger reaction to the feeling of lia clinging to you like a koala, but there's no time as everyone else joins on the hug. shouting at the top of their lungs about the
the moment is soon over as you all have to get back to the game, but you carry that happiness from the goal with you even after the match ends. the minutes run out and the match ends in favor of arsenal; all thanks to you, by the way. that's what everyone keeps reminding you of as you change in the locker room. playfully you joke back (something you never thought you would do with your teammates) that it was just a lucky shot, nothing crazy. everyone pushes back against of course with lia being the loudest about her disagreement.
then of course, katie has to come in with a joke about how lia was a little too happy.
"is lia going to reap the benefits of this win when you two get to your place or what?" she says with a teasing smile on her lips.
the implication makes you turn away from everyone else and hide at your cubby, acting like your shirt was the most interesting piece of clothing you ever seen.
lia, fed up and slightly afraid katie's jokes are going too far, hits back with, "and if i was? what do you have to say about it?"
of course, her tone is light. it's a joke you want to remind yourself, but your mind and godforsaken feelings run with that sentence. it feels like there is something more underneath the playfulness. you should know, lia has pressed her way into every aspect of your life for three months now.
ever stubborn katie doesn't back down as she says, "i would say i'm not surprised. everyone knows you like each other."
lia and the rest of the locker room goes silent at that. it feels like all the blood in your body just rushed to your head as you take in what katie just said, no joking, all seriousness.
there is slightly awkward tension left in the room as everyone goes back to changing and joking around about other things not lia and you related. usually awkwardness would make you slightly anxious and overthink, but you can't overthink about the tension when you're already overthinking your relationship with lia right now.
have your feelings been that obvious? and how could you be so oblivious to lia's? in your mind there has always been this small hope that lia would return your feelings, but your insecurity pushed that hope away. lia was one of the first people to push you out of your comfort zone. one of the first to show that they care to have you around and don't care about any of your awkward tendencies. you refuse to lose that connection because of your dumb feelings. that's what you always told you to stop yourself from making any kind of move, but maybe those thoughts were incorrect.
maybe, just maybe, katie was just saying shit to push people's buttons and lia really liked you.
best time to find out is the present.
everyone soon clears out of the locker room, heading off to their ways home. of course, on this day of all days, lia and you carpooled. this night with either end great or horrible, depending on how this all goes.
leaving out of the building, you're holding both lia's and your bags. it's a habit you have fallen into ever since you two started carpooling so much. it's nice.
reaching lia's car, she unlocks the doors. opening one of the backseat doors to let you put the bags in the car before walking around to the passenger side and opening the door. that darling smile on her lips as she uses her hand to gesture you to come on.
"you act like i never done this for you before," she giggles when you make your way around the car. giving her a look before getting in the car. buckling your seatbelt while she shuts the door and goes around the car to get in on the driver's side.
"still surprises me when you do," you say when she gets in the car. she doesn't say anything back right away, but you can see the smile on her lips as she buckles her seatbelt and makes sure everything is set before pulling out of the parking spot.
"i don't know why. i like doing things for you.. i like being with you," lia says so calmly like those words don't send your heart rate through the roof. with the way your heart is now pounding, lia probably hears it from across the console.
you don't hesitate to say, "i like being with you too."
lia doesn't expect that from you, obviously as you notice her eyes slightly widen. she steals a quick glance at you before her eyes go back to looking at the road.
the brunette is slightly panicking in her head. she has had a crush on you since you started getting close and may have been attracted to you even before that. you returning her feelings wasn't the first thought in her mind when yall became basically besties. so yeah, she didn't really expect you to return her feelings or be bold like that.
when the car stops at a red light, lia looks at you.
"you know.." her eyes move from your eyes to your lips, then back to your eyes, "katie wasn't wrong. i like you."
she turns back to the road, continuing to drive. how can she just casually drive after throwing those words at you?
you don't stay silent like past you would. lia just confirmed she likes you. why would you miss that opportunity?
"i like you too and honestly i have for a while-" you don't get too far with your confession as lia cuts you off with a laugh.
"wait a minute, please. i might crash the car if you continue," she looks at you then back at the road. trying to focus on the fact you are confessing to her and the shitty drivers of london was a hard task, so yeah, unfortunately, she has to cut you off. for now.
you let out of a laugh of your own. nodding in understanding, your hands going to connect your phone to the car bluetooth.
beyonce blasts through the speakers seconds later.
lia parks in front of your apartment building. she turns off the car before turning to look at you. her hands reach across the console to grab yours, her thumbs rubbing soft circles on the skin there.
um, has it always been hot in here?
"so..." she maintains eye contact as she smiles at you, "what were you saying again?"
how does she expect you to confess when she's looking at you all pretty like that? the words feel like they are caught in your throat. you break eye contact to look around the car nervously, your tongue peeking out of the side of your mouth to lick at your lips.
lia can't stand for that, so she lets go one of your hands so she can use that free hand to cup your cheek. gently, but firmly, she guides your face to look at her.
"don't go shy on me now. what were you saying earlier? you like me and have for a while..?"
"i think i have liked you since the day at leah's. i was feeling so down, and you just came.. lighting up everything. after that day, i thought you would leave me alone. that it was a one-time thing, but no, you kept inviting me places and talking to me. it was all so new, but felt so right. i really like you, lia," you blurt out, blinking at lia, trying to see her reaction.
lia doesn't even give you a response. words wouldn't express how happy she is about this, so she doesn't use words. she comes close and kisses you. she catches you off guard, so your eyes are open, and you don't kiss back right away, but you eventually you do. your free hand going to grip on her wrist.
out of everything that has ever happened in your life, this feels the most right. just like how football was your savior in life, and there was a language between the ball and you. it's now a language between lia's lips and yours. she's been your savior for the past few months.
unfortunately, humans need air to breathe, so lia is the first to pull away. she doesn't go too far, one of her hands still holding onto yours and the other still cupping the side of your face. you don't let go of her wrist either. you shift your face slightly so you can kiss the palm of her hand before smiling at her.
a small silence falls between you two as you guys look at eachother.
lia speaks first, "can i take you tomorrow?"
there's only one answer to her question, "of course."
author notes: not grammar checked or anything but i wanted to post smt after disappearing for a while 😚❤️ this is lowkey bad quality.. i'll come out with better soon!
© ALLABOUTNAYELI
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Edited: to @holycrapitis i'm going into this with the Idea that Trump is guilty. I am interested in this evidence you say that exists of him not doing these crimes and the evidence of democrat crimes. I will be honest to you, I will fact check it, because of the rampant propaganda everywhere, rMost(I don't think any but I could be wrong. Im being lazy and not reading to make sure) of it directed at you isn't about the charges.
It seems like it's a confusing mess of policies... It seems a felon would need a waiver, not sure how one would get one. But it seems likely a waiver wouldn't work with how many felonies he has, tho I can't say I'm terribly informed on the exact charges to say that with certainty since this was just a quick google.
I would tend to agree with this person but as far as I know people used maruijana could be felons and I don't think those people should be disqualified depending on their other qualites.
Like I think this blank kind of statement does a lot of harm to minorites, which isn't that the kind of thing leftists, even democrats, are trying to avoid?
But it's possible that Trump is legally not allowed for different reasons, I wish it said what ones.
So onto the person I reblogged from.
The majority of people who voted probably aren't Communists, like the cold war propaganda is still very much in effect. And kamala definitely isn't, especially economically, and generally I don't think politicians Democrats are communist and are probably mostly still running on the ideas of the cold war. Theres definitely some outliers who are closer but definitely no elected.
And as the past shows, communists aren't necessarily going to be socially leftist (equality for all, in everything, raise people and lower people to become equal, etc . Because a lot of people who are rich become rich of the exploitation of others. We should give the value back to those who are exploited.) And I'm sure there's people on the social left who think kamala still isnt far enough, which might be.
Hmm there's got to be some words to define socially left other then being equal...
Anyways people know Trump was legally elected, but legal doesnt mean good. As far as I know, which to be fair isn't much, in the echo chambers who want trump to be president the idea was that trump was elected but was illegally changed. But I'm not in those circles so it's possible another narrative was that he would've if Democrats didnt make the votes turn their way, in legal ways.
AFAIK which honestly isn't much again since scrolling down theories on why we lost is psychlogically damaging no matter what side it is or even what it is I think
The theories I have heard say that Republicans gerry mandered the hell out of counties to get the results we got. But idk if that's an actual theory because then leftists are just being hypocrites(which I feel can be a good reaction if you feel like your in danger) about the electoral college since in the situation where its just Gerrymander at fault Trump would have still have the popular vote. So I think a more reasonable theory would be it had an effect, but not to the point where kamala won. The biggest effect was propaganda, in all of its forms. Even from people who don't know they are. If it's content showing a specific opinion, it's propaganda to someone. To educate you need good faith back to back conversation and research between people. At least in my opinion. With that definition intent definitely matters IMO since like an ad is explicit propaganda while a lot of content is implicit propaganda.
TBH I'm not liking this narrative that people who voted for Trump understand the consequences and believe the same things Trump does. Especially if they were like me and tuned out politics when he was elected like I did with biden, which I'm ashamed about. There's too many variables for me to believe that they all hold the same beliefs as trump.
Hold some of them? Believe lies about about both? Both? All the above? Yeah, sure. But I think it's crucial to not stereotype people who think different. It allows for dehumanization I feel which won't help us to grow this nation and have its citizens mature. Not to say the country is immature, in the traditional sense, where I think thats viewed as a bad thing, more that there's more progress to be made and when we think more globally, we realize there's so much more room to grow.
Want to say thanks to @holycrapitis for catching my attention and getting some of my thoughts together. I think when something like this happens, where the candidate you wanted to win doesn't, it activates the same emotions as grief does. So I've kinda been avoiding the topic. I'm sorry to those who were on the other side and got hurt even more by those who won while you were grieving four years ago no matter how much I disagree with you and how much I think these beliefs will hurt this country and my friends and family.
Its a shame I don't see this kind of empathy more. We should always start with this kindness. But it's what tribalism does. It dehumanizes the "them" and says its for the good of all, that it is justified, etc. Its never justified. It only hurts everyone.
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Hi! Do you take requests?
If so, I think a fic bases on this excerpt:
"she can't have her parents walking in again. poor cassandra…finding your daughter with her whole face buried in between a girl's thighs is not the most ideal situation"
of your cailtyn story would be phenomenal 🙏
If you don't, feel free to ignore this! :)
Let's start by saying Caitlyn knows how to eat pussy and loves doing it :3 babe could have it for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even dessert. she wouldn't call herself an expert per se, but she's quite proud of her talent.
sure, receiving it feels good—but what's better than knowing you're making a girl cum with just your mouth? to cait, absolutely nothing. the moans, the hair-pulling, the thighs clenching against her head ♡ ugh chef's kiss.
( she came untouched a few times from it but you did not hear it from me ok? )
it's usually one the first things she does when you successfully sneak into her room. like a reward for getting through massive place she calls home without anyone noticing.
your back against the bed and legs immediately spread to expose the sight she absolutely adores. god, she could just stare at it forever and it'd still have the same effect in between her own legs. new panties are needed.
she doesn't dive in face-first like an animal the second your clothes are off, even if she does feel like a starved woman. she starts by slowly kissing your thighs and caressing any bit of skin she can, hand sneaking up your abdomen and ribs to massage your breasts a little—don't mind it.
“Should I continue?” cocky because she already knows the answer is a breathy ‘yes, please’.
oh and she gets way more cocky once she finally starts working on you, soft and slow stripes and twirls with her tongue. nothing fancy yet; she wants to tease a little more.
the second your hips start bucking into her mouth though? girl, grab onto something because she takes the signs IMMEDIATELY.
legs propped up on her shoulder while her hands hold your hips down to keep control of them. the slurping sounds are almost pornographic with how sloppy she's being. no whine coming from you is gonna make her stop any time soon. she's enjoying it waaaay to much already.
if she's feeling nice she will add a finger or two while sucking ๋࣭⭑ curling them just right inside you, not in-and-out like crazy. her tongue’s already lapping at you pretty fast so no need to overwhelm you…yet.
she wishes you would look down at her for a sec to see that pretty expression better, but she also understands it's her own fault that your head is thrown back against the bed, clenching around her fingers while pulling at her hair. what a curse to be so good at pleasing girls.
she knew speeding up her movements wasn't a smart thing to do so late at night as soon as the loud whine that escaped your lips reached her ears. obviously louder than the previous ones.
the heavy thump on the door when it opened proved her right.
“Caitlyn.”
of course it had to be her mother out of all people.
cassandra's eyebrows furrowed as she looked away with a small huff, trying to erase the sight from her mind by blinking and observing every detail on the window. she thought caitlyn was trying to sneak out and get involved with stuff she shouldn't like she had done in the past with serious cases or something, not this!
“It is 3 am; please take your… friend out of here.” a dismissive wave of her hand showed that there wasn't much room for arguing—none really because she's already out the door with a low mumble to herself before her daughter could say anything. tomorrow's talk is gonna be awful, that's for sure.
“just keep quiet some more, then you can go home, alright?” the blue haired girl softly whispered, leaning up and kissing the soft skin on your shoulder to reassure that you're not leaving until you get a few well deserved orgasms, her fingers already going back to rubbing small circles.
she's not gonna let a pretty girl leave her bedroom unsatisfied even if it means getting caught again.
#pupi writes ᝰ#IT TOOK ME SO LONG#i'm embarrassed#anyway#if this is shit pls let me now y'all#caitlyn kiramman x reader#caitlyn x reader#caitlyn smut#caitlyn kiramman smut#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane#arcane smut#arcane x reader#wlw smut#wlw nsft#sapphic writing#sapphic smut#how do i even write smut#I'M NEW AT THIS#why do i always post fics at 5 am#not good for my health
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one of those "a poor mermaid is kept trapped by a nefarious scientific organization for study" aus for tobiizu except
tobirama is totally onboard with this and is the head of the nefarious organization, he is doing the evil studying
izuna is the mermaid in captivity but his biggest hobby is trying to drown people (especially tobirama).
this does not stop them from falling in love. falling in love does not stop them from continuing as they have been (tobirama's unethical expirements on izuna; izuna trying daily to murder him and everyone else around them.)
izuna's managed to kill a few of tobirama's lab assistants, which hasn't dissuaded him one bit. tobirama routinely taps the glass of izuna's tank to fuck with him when he's being naughty.
Eventually izuna starts peforming courting rituals to try and win tobirama over- which works, and tobirama does return the motions. from a distance. he knows if he gets near that tank izuna's going to drown him, still. they enter a bizarre but happy fishy-marriage which lasts as long as it's able.
at some point tobirama slips on some spilled water (izuna's doing) near the tank, izuna is able to grab hold and drag him under, and a few minutes later- tobirama's dead. Izuna is delighted and giggling the entire time it's happening, as tobirama struggles and flails to get away. then he has a limp tobirama corpse in his arms. he prods at it. it doesn't respond. he prods it again. no response.
Naruto, tobirama's latest lab assistant, enters the lab a few hours later to a despondent wailing izuna, dragging Tobirama's corpse around in endless circles within the tank. it takes him a full day to wrestle the body out of izuna's grasp. izuna dies a week later from starvation and stress, after days of floating belly-up like a dead fish in the center of his tank.
the first line of tobirama's will is "so the scaley bastard finally managed it, as i always knew he would."
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Wait wait wait - XD
Mismag episode 7 spoilers
---
[Prefacing this with I'm not angry nor judging anyone at the table - having no idea what their true thoughts on these things are, just pointing out how silly and perhaps purposefully 'missing the point' some of the characters are being played as]
Please tell me the adventuring party was Brennan still doing a bit about not understanding that Tabby was 100% directly mimicking Evan (even though it started out Evan realizing he was looking in a mirror, then idk if everyone just got lost in the sauce and that realization just got buried in the improv yes-anding far away from the starting point)
Brennan just screamed that Evan's vibes are RANCID!
Evan who just gave a whole speech about how he was emotionally crushed (and low-key judgy) about how Jammer said 'family on 6' but his single mom of 3 didn't adopt a troubled 17 year old whom she'd never met. Then feeling icky that a rock they've been traveling with and using for info wants to be a part of the friendship.
How the whole point of him wanting to be a dog was that people didn't get rid of you - they kept you and you didn't need to be explicitly useful for them to still want you. Then Tabby literally said the exact same thing - being afraid they'd leave him behind when they found the wall he was supposed to go in despite how useful he'd been with as much energy as he had with the magic and Evan POINT BLANK REFUSED TO PROMISE IT!! Despite Evan asking the same of his group of friends.
Claiming that Tabby was 'love bombing' them to get them to do what Tabby wanted, but not recognizing Evan does the same - then blames people for abandoning him even though none of them have.
AND THE PARALLELS WITH HOW EVAN TAPES OUT A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND TABBY HAS A LITERAL OUTLINE IN A WALL HE'S SUPPOSED TO DIRECTLY FIT INTO AND YET EVAN CLAIMS TO WANT TO BE ABLE TO BREAK OUT OF THAT 'NECESSITY' TO HAVE A PLACE WHERE YOU FIT AND JUST BE ABLE TO EXIST WITHOUT NEEDING TO FIT A SPECIFIC SHAPE/PURPOSE IN THE WORLD
How Evan only sees one way his 'needs' can be met - and that's with the group all living together with their themed rooms and adventuring forever (exactly what Tabby said) and getting really disregulated when the group wants to be in each other's lives in a different way - leading Evan to almost fully cut everyone off because they didn't fit in the small box of 'this is the way they'll show they love me', completely missing all the ways that they, too, get to be their own person and just because Evan isn't stitched to them at the hip doesn't mean they aren't a family.
Tabby is pretty clearly just becoming 'sentient' and he's mimicking what he's seeing around him - namely, Evan's desperate need to belong and be a part of something permanently
I have no idea how much of all that was a bit meant to highlight how Evan just can't clock that comparison (even though at the beginning of Tabby waking up fully he seemed to - and then promptly decided that instead of facing that in himself and extending some compassion and empathy to Tabby, he veered to a hard 'we need to destroy this thing that reminds me of how I behave') or how much was Brennan and Lou just getting lost in the sauce of how to interpret Tabby's every move into something bad, but I'm glad the fems and thems of the table called it out and acknowledged that's what was happening.
I really hope the next episode circles back on Evan's initial realization that Tabby was like looking in the mirror and that's how Evan is to be around and there will be some growth there instead of Evan and Jammer just teaming up to destroy Tabby. K dropped the line about making love sustainable which earned a knowing look from Aabria, so I hope that, since Evan was allowed to have his tirade against K (for good reason) episode 3, K will get to call Evan on his shit too.
I think it was a really smart design to have the motives be so explicit this season and at this point I'm very very interested in seeing how the different characters realize their motive, but also reach the point of understanding what they thought they wanted wasn't actually exactly what they need - Jammer realizing that 'teamwork' might need to be achieved differently from how he's been going about it, he might need to pivot. Evan realizing that 'belonging' doesn't mean everyone is with you all the time and constantly reassuring you they don't hate you, they can live their own lives without that meaning they've ditched you.
Idk, very rambly, but the last episode sparked so many ideas in me about how the characters can face themselves and grow due to the wonderful world, mechanics, and plot Aabria has set up.
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Victor as The Machine Herald has changed in meaning significantly thanks to Arcane season 2 episode 2. He has gone from a character of desperation, anger, a want to get rid of all things human, to a savior, a liberator, and a healer. An almost messiah like figure.
This post will contain spoilers for Arcane you have been warned. I go in-depth about victors character below the cut <3
Since arcane season one I have wondered how we were going to go from this version of Viktor, an innocent inventor trying to do the best for humanity, best friends(👀) with Jayce, only wanting to improve and save lives. To The Machine Herald we know in LOL. Now it is clear they are truly recreating his character entirely. Evolving him some could say.
Viktor in game is a character who wants to bring in the evolution of machines and technology in the human race by force. He is unlikeable and brilliant. He gets along with almost no one and has gotten rid of his own emotions by operating on himself. I am very much paraphrasing all of this so forgive me if I miss some things.
"To solve this, he operated on himself to remove those parts of his flesh and psyche that relied upon or were inhibited by emotion."- LOL fandom wiki
"Currently, he is still dedicatedly working on bringing the Glorious Evolution to the people, and saving them from themselves." - LOL fandom wiki
“Viktor has shown little regard for free will and autonomy when dealing in matters of life and death.” -LOL fandom Wiki
In the game he augments himself purely with machines, technology, and his own wit. No arcane, no magic, no help from Jayce (to a degree he spurs on some of the change). But in the show oh in the show, he connects directly to the arcane!
Throughout season one we see Viktor struggling with his disability and chronic illness, his smallness and lack of, I don’t want say respect, maybe acknowledgement, compare to Jayce. He progressively gets sicker and sicker as time goes on causing him to look more and more into the hex core. Exploring its possibilities, pushing its limits, experimenting on himself. A trait they have kept the same between the version of the characters. Until it kills someone he cares about and he forbids himself from continuing his research, despite his declining health, and despite his very clear connecting to the hex core and by extension the arcane.
Going into season two it shows us who survives and who doesn’t. Viktor was not going to survive, but our boy Jayce, always a fire under him with no flame retardants, takes Viktor straight to the hex core. Jayce fuses Viktor and the hex core, irreversibly changing him forever. Viktor sits in this pool of wild runes(this is all information only with act one of arcane s2). Changing his body and healing and improving him. When he awakens he is different, disconnected, the air around him is different, a visible haze there, he has become one with the arcane. Jayce does not realize this, all he sees is his friend, who he would do anything for, alive, changed but alive and he just leaves him.
GIF credit to @ludinusdaleth
Viktor goes to the undercity in a very Jesus fashion, drawn by a pull and the voice of Sky, to the shimmer slums. He feels a purpose here. In the game lore he retreats after his credit for making Blitzcrank is stolen and he has been looked at with prejudice from those in piltover for his rather unethical ideas.
"Viktor devised a helmet that would allow an operator on the surface to bypass the wearer's fear-response and effectively control the diver... Jayce later reported the incident to the college masters, who then expelled Viktor for work that violated basic human dignity- work that, in Viktor's eyes, would have saved lives." -LOL Fandom Wiki
As the shimmer slum residents circle around him with intent to attack him and take his cane (now more of a staff) for its gold hardware to sell for my shimmer Viktor sees something, senses something. He doesn’t look at them with indignation or disgust, he looks at them with understanding, he sees their pain and their suffering and he walks close to the man who is holding a knife at him with no fear.
You can actually see him start to affect the man, in his eyes they change color from pale yellow to more blue, into dropping the knife. Only then when the knife is dropped does he take the final steps closure to him and heals him from the mutations of shimmer.
He has finally become what he set out to be in LOL. He is saving people, he is helping and healing humanity. Just now not through unethical(we will see how this part plays out) and more mechanical means, instead through the arcane and the abilities it has given him. Which I find very interesting seeing Viktor wield the arcane is something Jayce has always wanted and what began their friendship.
I am genuinely so excited to see where Arcane s2 takes his character. I can see why he wasn’t in any promotional material at all now, it would have given too much away. There is a scene in the trailer towards the end though that actually shows the people of the shimmer slums healed and floating when the trailer says "The Arcane is waking up" which i find super cool.
ngl does look a little questionable but I'm here for it.
I do want to say that I do not believe he is being “controlled” or “possessed” by the hex core. He was fused with and became one with the arcane and hex core. Throughout episode two/three we see parallels with the wild runes and magics to Viktor that Jayce Echo and Heimendinger discover in the hex cage(?).
I will not be surprised if this becomes very outdated by the end of season two but they are my current feelings/observations immediately after my watch of act one.
#rambles#speaks says things#speaks posts#arcane#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2#viktor arcane#viktor league of legends#viktor lol#viktor the machine herald#the machine herald#arcane jayce#jayce league of legends#honestly Jayce is also insufferable in game too#character wise#I started writing this as soon as I finished the first act#I will not be surprised if this becomes very outdated#i am not completely happy with this and will definitely revisit it later but i want to get it out there.#i also think the biblical parallels are so interesting
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Helloooow!
Your blog is like nectar to a starving hummingbird in the deseeeeert there is not enough Venti content on the fanfiction side of this fandom istg so THANK YOU for taking care of us Venti fans!
I read through quite a lot of your works (and Venti centered works in general) and I noticed a trend in all of the darlings either being reserved and shy / standoffish or being gentle and incredibly soft-spoken / naive.
No doubt about Venti actually falling for someone like that since opposites attract, but I was wondering if you could imagine him with a more confident and extroverted darling as well?
A type of darling that has a "so what if people will look on? Maybe they want to secretly join in on being silly, too!"- attitude and is non-flirtatiously playful / witty? And perhaps isn't as easily foiled or can see through people's intentions a little more clearly since she has experience with dealing with different personalities.
Someone who would pull all the other shy people into the dancing circle and is pretty good masking embarrassment / faking it until she makes it!
Would it aggravate Venti even more to get her flustered? Or is that a type of darling he wouldn't even bat an eye towards? What do you think?
Extroverted darling is the type who venti will enjoy having a drink with at the tavern
They’d get along pretty quick if darling is able to give the same energy as venti’s, though when it comes to romance, it would take some time for him to fall for them. If in a scenario, darling was the one who fell first, he’ll immediately notice but won’t say a word. He doesn’t want to presume but he does give flirtatious remarks
But if we’re speaking that he’s a yandere, he would enjoy another bright presence. He’d let you run wild and surprisingly he’s not very restrictive. He still wanted you to enjoy life and be yourself. The thing that makes it frightening for yan venti with an extroverted darling is, well, manipulating your feelings.
And if darling fell for him, he’d definitely take advantage of it. He didn’t missed you were throwing hints at him, but he’s feigning ignorance. He wants to hear you say it to him directly. Even if you joked that you love him or you want spend your life together with him, he’ll take that as a confession seriously and claiming you’re “officially” together.
What’s worse is that if you like drinking and you have low alcohol tolerance, he’ll take advantage of it as well. He puts on the bestest-best friend facade with you. Obviously he doesn’t do anything to you when you were getting to know him. Nothing of that sort you’d imagine.
If you get drunk, he’d carry you home and joked about not reaching his level. When you passed out the first time you were with him, you were on your guard. You woke up with the evening sky greeting you and jolting up immediately, you almost knocked Venti out.
He stayed with you throughout the night, accompanying you back to your home as you thanked him for watching over you. It became a norm for you both that either would pass out and the other would care for them. That’s why you prefer drinking with him. You’re guaranteed he’ll handle you if you want to get yourself drunk and have fun dancing at the tavern when he plays his music.
Everything he does are so normal you don’t even see anything malicious.
He’d bring you to the tavern for a drink, chatting on your way there. But upon entering, all seats were occupied. There must be a celebration and a lot of the knights were inside. You all searched from top to bottom for any vacant seats, but none can be found. You can’t go to cat’s tail because of his allergies, and you aren’t letting Venti steal a bottle. Otherwise, you’d be counted as his accomplice.
When one client finally left, he took the seat and you’re just there… standing. He arched his brow and asked you to sit. You’re baffled by his question until he patted his lap with an almost casual confidence, clearly unfazed by the bustling crowd around you.
You hesitated, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. His suggestion was bold, to say the least, and though you were no stranger to his antics, this felt different. You quickly denied but he just sighed and propped his chin on his palm.
Why would you be so embarrassed? You’ve been friends for a long time and frequently flirting back and forth so how was this any different? Everyone in the town already knows how close you are with him. Even Diluc knows your frequent shenanigans with this bard.
His fingers drummed lightly on the wooden table, tapping in rhythm with the music playing nearby, waiting for you to move. The packed room left little space to move, making it clear that finding another seat was out of the question. Eventually, with a resigned sigh, you took a step closer, noticing the faintest glimmer of satisfaction across his face. He shifted, making room for you as his arms rested lightly at his sides, inviting yet unassuming.
You sat on his lap, trying to keep your composure as he adjusted to ensure you were comfortable. When he called the bartender and ordered your usual drinks, you looked away to hide your red face. Usually, you’d brush it off and come up with an excuse, but your mind was running in miles you couldn’t think clearly. You could feel his breath close to your shoulder, relaxing with you there, as if this was the most natural thing in the world.
The music grew louder, voices around you rising in cheer, but you found yourself catching his hand drifting over your thighs. At first you ignored it, thinking his hand was just there to rest. But when you felt his palm rubbing up and down your skin, your cheeks warmed up with your mouth agape.
You wanted to scold him, question what was he doing. As you turned to him and opened your mouth, Charles arrived with your drinks, placing the mugs on the table. Venti thanked him, leaving you a bit awkward when he grabbed his drink. You though he finally stopped, and you weren’t going to bother bringing it up to him— assuming it was just his gesture of concern for his best friend— but his hand returned between your thighs.
His fingertips brushed up against your inner thigh, gliding slowly up. You pushed his wrist, the slightest signal to stop and to avoid unnecessary commotion, but he just drank as his fingers ran close between your legs. You tugged his hand but instead he slipped his finger in yours, twining them in place. His eyes were focused straight ahead, expression completely neutral, and unfazed.
Your were so confused, trying to grasp what had gotten to him. Venti was forward, but not this forward. Maybe it’s a sort of gesture to calm you. You were pretty flustered back there when he offered his lap, and you already knew how touchy he was. But this didn’t seem like…
You grabbed your tankard and took a heavy gulp, pushing down any conflicting emotions. Sure, you like him and even joked having feelings for him, but that’s because you didn’t want to ruin your friendship.
He loves wine and jokes. He sings for every event and playfully flirts. And you? You love him. That sounds stupid but it's the truth. If only you could muster courage and confess to him. If only you could get on his good side to the extent where you two would have romantic kind of moment without the need for alcohol.
You asked Charles for another glass and you didn’t notice his hands crept under your shirt. You were too drunk to differentiate the sensations swarming over your skin. His fingers stroked along the sensitive curve of your stomach, the other arm firm around you as you glanced at him, he didn't seem bothered. His lips moved as if he was talking to you, but you couldn’t hear anything when the music was too loud and the knights were clamouring. You simply hummed, nodding along to whatever he was saying.
He offered you another glass and you accepted. The drink was stronger this time, or maybe you were finally feeling the weight of each glass catching up to you. The room swayed slightly as you raised the glass, taking another heavy gulp, the world beginning to blur.
You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or the emotions you’d been trying so hard to drown that made the warmth creep into your cheeks, a sensation almost too intense to ignore. Somewhere deep down, you knew you were pushing past your limit, but here, with Venti’s laughter echoing somewhere beside you, it didn’t feel so bad.
He watched you carefully, concern crossing his usually carefree face as you reached for the next drink. His smile lingered, as he subtly moved closer, reaching out a steadying hand as you swayed again. The tavern lights glimmering above in dizzying patterns. You tried to flash him a reassuring smile, but a small giggle left your lips as you felt something ticklish on your stomach.
You were vaguely aware of his fingers brushing against you, grounding you just enough to stop the world from spinning. The voices in the tavern grew more distant, their laughter fading off. Somewhere along the way, you lost count of how many times you’d tried to quiet your thoughts. You leaned your head against his shoulder, watching his lips move, his voice softer, almost soothing, though you couldn’t make out the words. His breath brushed against your ear and you nodded absentmindedly.
The last thing you felt was Venti’s arms wrapping around you, his voice a quiet murmur lost to the noise as he carried you out of the tavern.
#ellianswers#anon ask#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#venti x reader#genshin impact venti#elliwrites#yandere venti x reader#yandere genshin impact x reader
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Chapter 1 - The Demon of Vyrantium
This story will have spoilers from the game. Like entire quests. If you don’t want those don’t read this. You have been warned.
Rook x Lucanis
Summary: The gods strike at D’Meta’s Crossing. Neve suggests hiring the Antivan Crows and the most respected mage killer out there, turns out he has problems of his own.
Word Count: 8.9k
Warnings: graphic violence, mentions of slavery, cursing, let me know if I missed something it's so long I lost track
A/N: I told you I’d take more creative liberties with the next one didn’t I ;3
Prologue DATV Masterlist Chapter 2(WIP)
I sat across from Neve and Harding at the circle table in the lighthouse to go over next steps.
“So. We stopped the ritual,” Neve said.
“And Varric paid the price,” Harding answered.
“Hey. Varric made his choice to go talk with Solas. He knew the risks. We all did,” I said.
“And now Solas is… gone. And we’re here, wherever here is—besides in the Fade,” Harding thought.
“Solas called it the lighthouse,” I told them.
“He did?” Neve questioned. “When?”
“While I was out cold. He showed up in my dream, and he’s really mad that we stopped his ritual.”
“Good,” Harding said smugly.
“He’s also trapped in some kind of prison in the Face. Not happy about that either,” I explained.
“You’re sure that wasn’t just a dream? It’s a reasonable reaction,” Neve said.
“Solas can speak with people in their dreams. Even kill them,” Harding told her.
“I’m safe on that front. I bled a little when I got knocked out. Enough that he can gripe at me, but not enough that he can make my head explode.”
“So Solas is using blood magic. Like any normal mage would to play with your mind,” Neve replied.
“But he’s not a normal mage. Like I told you, he’s an elven god,” Harding said.
“Putting together a nice ritual doesn’t make him a god,” she shot back.
“The gods of my people were incredibly powerful,” I interrupted their squabbling. “I don’t mean they were powerful like a skilled mage. I mean they destroyed entire cities. They shattered mountains. So no, they might not literally be gods, but they’re a lot worse than whatever you’re thinking.”
“Alright. Well, we’ve stopped the ritual, and there doesn’t seem to be an immediate danger. For now. You’re certain Solas can’t use blood magic to affect your mind?” Neve asked.
“I’m certain that if he could he already would have, but I’m still pissed at him as ever. I’m not certain of anything else, but we’re not out of danger,” I said.
“What do you mean?” Harding asked.
“Solas had two of the other elven gods imprisoned. When he got trapped, they escaped.”
“So those things we saw come out of the fade when the ritual went wild… those are…” Neve’s voice faded.
“Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain. Two of the ancient elven gods that Solas rebelled against. Solas warned me about them being evil, which is pretty rich coming from the guy who just tried to tear down the Veil,” I said.
“You don’t believe him?” Neve questioned.
“No, that’s the problem. I do believe him. He said they were horrific tyrants.”
“Tyrants so powerful elven history remembers them as gods,” Harding added.
“Solas says Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain drew on the blight for power and became corrupted. That was when he imprisoned them.”
“So instead of one… god… running around, we have two. And they’re not just powerful, they’re blighted,” Neve scowled.
“We need to get out there and stop them,” Harding said firmly.
“Just like that? Without Varric? And you’re still getting back on your feet,” Neve looked over at her.
“I’m fine. We can’t just sit here and do nothing!”
“We need to investigate. Figure out what we’re dealing with before we rush in and make things worse,” Neve told her.
“And how many more people will get hurt—get killed—while we spend time investigating?”
I cut them both off. “If Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain are worse than Solas, we can’t go in blind. We need to know what they can do and what they want.”
“But we only have Solas’s word about all of this,” Harding said.
I shrugged. “Then let’s go investigate for ourselves. We find out what we’re dealing with, and then we take our shot.”
“Fine. The eluvian led us here instead of back to Minrathous.”
“Let’s hope it goes back to the ritual site,” Neve said. “Maybe we can find some clues at the scene of the crime.”
“All right, then. Let’s get back to the ritual site,” I said.
—------------------------------------
The second we stepped through the Eluvian, a group of Veil Jumpers were running at us for their lives. Some kind of old elven construct was chasing them, swinging a massive golden axe at their heads. One of them, a woman, was using her magic on a device in her hands, trying to stop the construct, but it didn’t look to be working.
One of them got knocked to the side against a boulder, groaning from the impact. An older dark skinned elf parried the swings of the mighty axe, giving the girl time to work. The construct swung past the elf, the blade going through the device in the girl’s hands. As the device broke, the construct shut down, falling limp.
Harding seemed to know the older elf and the girl. She addressed them as Strife and Irelin. She told us that she met them with Varric when they first started the hunt for Solas. Veil Jumpers, she said they were called, experts in ancient elven magic.
Strife told us millions of artifacts are being faulty and coming alive because of Solas’s ritual, pointing the finger at us because we were supposed to stop him.
I informed him that we did, in fact, stop him, but Solas was now trapped in the Fade and two of the Evanuris escaped. The Veil Jumpers knew the extent of the horrors the Evanuris caused centuries ago.
“I was really hoping Solas was lying about all of this,” I told them.
Strife frowned. “The god of lies, but some things are sacrosanct, even to him. He might be a bastard, but he’s a damned sight better than the Evanuris.”
I snorted. “No kidding.”
They still had dozens of Veil Jumpers unaccounted for, but Irelin said if we could find Bellara Lutare it would be a massive assist. Apparently, she was the best there is at working with the ancient elven artifacts. She was off looking for one before the ritual shook everything loose.
Harding told them we would go and get Bellara, but I told her to stay behind and help the Veil Jumpers because they needed her. Definitely not because she was still injured and way too stubborn to see sense.
—--------------------------------------
“Protocol is to wait at least a week before sending anyone to look for me, I’ve only been gone for three days,” she said, twisting her hips back and forth in place like a child being scolded.
“Well, things have taken a turn for the worse, I’m afraid,” I told her. “Our gods are back and they’re trying to take over the world.”
“Our gods… I need a moment,” she said.
“Take all the time you need. It won’t help, unfortunately, I’ve known for days and it still hasn’t quite sunk in yet,” I replied.
“That is quite a predicament.” She sighed, looking around. “All right, but I need your help first, I’m on to something big here.”
“Just tell me what you need,” I smiled.
“We’ll take what we can get,” Neve told her.
As it turned out, Ancient Elven ruins could be tricky. Barriers and old mechanical devices that were rare in these times. Luckily, it was pretty straightforward to figure out and Bellara was a great help finding our way through the ruins. Whatever work she had done with elven ruins and artifacts would definitely come in handy.
It was all fine and dandy when we found what we were looking for, except for the ogre that decided to pay us a visit and try to wreck our shit.
A lot of its attacks I could parry or at least redirect. Some I could only dodge, and I spent most of the fight doing so, shooting firebolts in between its attacks.
It finally fell, and I sheathed my dagger, fighting to regain my breath.
Bellara found what she was looking for, the “Nadas Dirthalen” or the eighth archive or the archive spirit. Pick whichever you want to describe it, it was an artifact crafted with the knowledge of the gods and it could give us information we might need. If she could fix the crystal, that is.
We headed back to the Veil Jumper camp and they told us one of the towns they work closely with had gone dark. A place called D’Meta’s Crossing. With everything going on, it likely wasn’t a coincidence. Harding rejoined the three of us and we boarded a boat to go check it out.
—----------------------------------
D’Meta’s Crossing was on the far side of the lake. It was bleak when we approached on the water.
“This isn’t right,” Bellara said. “The dock usually has people bringing goods to market, bartering and shouting… It’s always busy.”
“Stay sharp,” I said as I climbed out of the boat.
The main entrance to town was barricaded. Clearly not to keep anything out. We moved to the side, seeing a smaller barricade. I pulled myself over it, eyes going wide as I dropped down. The place reeked, and there was blight everywhere. These masses, they looked like rotting tumors, not the decay or stagnation of the normal blight, this was alive.
There were cysts that popped like blisters when fired at or hit with anything and exploded. The second I stepped foot in this place I felt I needed a shower.
We moved further in, sticking close together. There was a villager standing by a home completely taken over with the blight.
His face was drained of all color and his eyes were black. “What happened here?”
He stared at me. Well, through me. “Keep them inside. Listen to the mayor.”
My brows furrowed. I waved a hand in front of his face. Unresponsive. “What’s controlling them? Blood magic? The blight?”
We moved deeper in. The town square was even worse for wear. There were bodies everywhere taken over by the blight-cysts. We continued on, keeping an eye out for survivors. There was no one that the blight hadn’t taken over, either their bodies or their minds.
We came to a part of town blocked off by a wall of the blight. A bright red bulb pulsated at the center of it. I shuddered, taking a couple steps back and blasting cold from my fingers to minimize the explosiveness.We had gotten through it, but only a narrow passageway. Squeezing between a corridor of the blight was not on the top of my bucket list.
I would desperately need a bath after this.
We came to the other side and a giant mass of the blight stood in the center. At the center of it looked like a person was being held there.
“Mihlva!” Bellara gasped, running over to one of the bodies.
“One of your fellow Veil Jumpers?” I asked, watching the blight tendrils wrap around them and pull them away. I moved to the mass at the center. The man in it was moving. “Bellara!”
She looked over. “Jahel! He’s alive!”
“Bellara?” The man groaned.
“We’re going to help you… we’ll get you down, Jahel,” Bellara said.
A tendril snaked around his neck. “No… listen. The gods… the gods have returned. I saw… them. I heard their voices.”
“The gods did this?” Bellara questioned, panic evident in her voice.
“A blood ritual,” he said. “To release the blight. The villagers… they said they needed power… Bellara… be careful…” That tendril looped around his neck twice over, caressing his lips as he spoke before tightening around his throat.
His body was strangled, blood spilled to the cobbled streets, the blight pooling at our feet. The ground shook, and I heard someone shout for help.
We ran through the remains of the village, shooting down the blight we could along the way. Coming through an archway of it, we came out to the other side of the village. A man was wrapped in barbed fleshy pink tentacles, a writhing mass of the blight.
“Help me! Hurry!” He yelled, panicked.
The ground shook and a dragon shot up into the sky, screeching as it landed, crushing debris underfoot.
“No! Please!” The man yelled as the writhing mass drew tighter around him. I looked between him and the dragon, feeling my chest tighten. I stepped forward, putting two fingers to my lips to produce a loud whistle.
It took a step toward me, and I stared it down as embers floated from its mouth. After a moment, as though fighting a command, I watched it back off and fly into the horizon, roaring as it went.
I took a breath, approaching the man in the mass.
“I know you,” Bellara said. “You’re the mayor of this town.”
“The village… the people… are they…?”
“Blighted. Dead. All of them,” Harding said.
“You gave them to the gods, didn’t you? Didn’t you?” Bellara spat.
The mayor sobbed. “They were in my head… infecting my thoughts. They made me do it… Please, help me!”
“Deep breaths… Tell me what happened,” I said gently. If it really was blood magic he may not have been acting completely of his own will.
“I tried to protect people. You have to believe me. The gods told me to lure the Veil Jumpers to the center of town. The others were to be rounded up and kept safe. They would be the first to witness the glory of Ghilan’nain’s new creation… She showed me gold. So much gold…”
“So you brought the Veil Jumpers to the middle of town…” I said.
“For a blood sacrifice!” Bellara cut me off.
“Because the gods needed power,” Neve concluded.
“Did you know what the gods would do?” I questioned him.
“The Veil Jumpers… they were just strangers. I thought if they were taken first, everyone else might be spared.”
“So you did know!” Bellara yelled.
“The gods exploited his greed and fear,” Neve said.
“I’m supposed to feel sorry for him? I say we leave him right here,” Bellara said.
“But I’ll die. The blight’s everywhere. What if the dragon comes back?” He panicked. “I understand what they do now. I won’t be tempted again! I swear!”
“Rook?” Harding asked.”
I sighed. “Let’s get him out of there.”
“What? This entire village is dead because of him.” Bellara argued.
“I know.”
“Then why spare him?”
“We don’t kill people. Not like this. We’re not murderers. We’re not like the gods. We are better than them,” I explained. “If we leave him to be a source of their power we’re no better than he is.”
“Thank you… I think,” he said.
“I didn’t ask for your gratitude,” I snapped.
“Then if I may offer some advice: steel yourself. I felt their power, the promises they made. It’s irresistible.”
“Then try harder next time. Don’t make me regret saving you,” I said firmly.
“Yes, of course. But you should be worried about the rest of the world. Or this will be our future.”
—---------------------------------
We made our way back to the Veil Jumper camp. We were speaking with them when an old friend of the Inquisition, Morrigan, made an appearance. She told us to find Solas’s ritual dagger and that the eluvian at the lighthouse should go anywhere there is an existing eluvian. Bellara offered to come with us to fix it.
I just wished Varric was here to give better advice. He was always stronger at speeches than I was. Doing this without him to guide me felt wrong.
Neve, Harding, and I made our way back to the ritual site. After a wild goose chase after a darkspawn that stole the dagger, and watching Harding get possessed by some kind of new strange dwarf magic—which doesn’t exist, mind you—I was ready for a nap.
We came back to the Lighthouse and talked about Harding’s new abilities. I encouraged her to explore them but be wary. It wasn’t like any magic I’d seen before, and dwarves didn’t have any connection to the Fade, so it was completely new territory.
I went up the stairs, seeing a new area branched next to the hall leading to the infirmary. I could hear Varric snoring from here. At least I knew he was still alive.
I headed down that hall, pushing the door open to see an aquarium of sorts. There was a bookshelf to the right and a wardrobe to the left. In the center of the room was a chaise lounge with a bookcase behind it.
I saw my pack sitting in front of that bookshelf. Neve or Harding must’ve brought my pack in here. It made sense, it was a better place to sleep than the infirmary. I suppose I could spare a few moments to unpack my things.
I pulled Varric’s shaving mirror out, placing it on the bookshelf behind where I would be sleeping. Varric and his life lessons. I asked him how we were supposed to stop Solas, and he gave me the mirror.
“Take a long hard look in it, kid. It’ll always show the face of a hero who can get it done,” he said.
I don’t know if I see a hero’s face, but it’s a face that has seen a lot. Got a few new scars. Some that show up in a mirror, some that don’t. But Varric believed in me then, and he believes in me now. I can do this.
I moved to the small armoire on the right side of the room, placing an elven scroll down. A peddler gave it to me after I saved his caravan from bandits. He said the scroll went back to even before Tevinter. Said that elves had a rich history, “even more than the rest of us.”
Too many humans look down on us, even though elves were here first. It was nice to have someone see how much our people have done. I just wish I could’ve been a part of it.
On the opposite side from the mirror, I put my broken chains. I helped a lot of Minrathous slaves escape to freedom the night I met Varric, including my mother. Freed only to be killed in the chaos. Another time Varric had shown up for me. I remembered his hand on my shoulder as I wept over her.
“Come on, kid. It’s time to go. I’m sorry.”
Then the magisters cracked down in retaliation, and the Shadow Dragons decided I was too much trouble to keep around. We could have taken a stand and dared the magisters to come after us. At least people are free because of what I did.
I sighed, brushing my fingers over the cold metal before going to sit in the chaise lounge. Carefully, I laid back, letting my eyes drift shut. I was wound tight despite my exhaustion. I don’t know how long it took me to actually fall asleep.
I woke in the Fade, Solas’s voice already penetrating my thoughts. “Back so soon. It must have been worse than I thought.”
“Hello, Dread Wolf.”
“Ah, but perhaps I am mistaken. You may be here to correct me, to tell me that my concerns were unfounded. I am, after all, remembered as the god of lies, treachery, and rebellion.”
Haunted, hopeless, hurting… a voice nagged at the back of my head. No, not nagged. Soothed.
“So you’re gonna be insufferable about it. See, this is the reason nobody likes you,” I told him.
“I led a rebellion for centuries that culminated the creation of the Veil and the destruction of the elven empire.”
“Okay, this is among the reasons nobody likes you,” I corrected.
“My information was accurate. Now you realize that the danger is real.”
“I need to know what the gods are planning,” I said plainly.
“You are asking for knowledge no mortal in this world is privy to,” he replied. “If I am to share it with you, I need to know what makes you the right person to lead the fight against Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain.”
“Well, for starters, I’m the only one here,” I said, throwing my arms out and looking around the desolate prison. “And I stopped you, didn’t I?”
“You disrupted the ritual.”
“Yeah, I did. Even though I’m nowhere near as powerful as you. Even though I’m just a slave.”
His brow furrowed, and I saw him blink as the only hint of surprise. “You were a slave?”
“Yeah. Varric said you hated slavery. I suppose that’s one thing we can agree on.”
He only nodded. “Your plan is to tell me how powerful you aren’t?”
“I met Varric when he asked the Shadow Dragons for help with freeing an old friend from Venatori slavers. The Shadow Dragons had a safe plan that wasn’t going to work, and Varric wasn’t the only one with something to lose if we failed.”
“So you and Varric led an armed rebellion and dealt a devastating blow to the Venatori,” he finished for me.
“You did your research,” I said, looking him up and down.
“I would’ve been a fool not to. You and Varric were pursuing me for the better part of a year. I needed to learn who was hunting me.”
“Then you obviously also know that powerful opposition doesn’t frighten me. I find a way to get the job done, whatever it takes.”
“I suppose I was not so different when I started.”
“No,” a voice said, inches from me and lightyears away all at once. “You were not different. You are not different.” The voice of a friend.
“Cole.” Now, I did see the Dread Wolf’s surprise evident in his expression. “How did you…”
“You are trapped,” he said. “She is hopeless, haunted, hurting, just like before. Escaped one master just to be fighting another. You are not different,” Cole said, looking up at Solas. “Hello, Solas.”
“Hello Compassion,” Solas dipped his head in greeting. “It has been an age.”
“You left the Inquisition to free us, but it didn’t work. Instead you freed them. The Evanuris.”
“Someone got in my way,” Solas leveled a condescending glare at me from his high horse—or at least his slightly higher piece-of-floating-rock.
“People were dying. I heard their screams,” Cole said. “The Veil needs to stay.”
“Oookay, this is all fine and good, but what are you doing here, Cole?” I asked, turning to him. “I thought I’d seen the last of you when Dorian freed me?”
“I felt the Veil weaken, and I knew. I knew it was Solas behind it, I always knew, even when he didn’t want me to, even when he hid it from everyone else. I went back to that place where it’s still weakest, and I felt your despair. I followed it here.”
“The gods need two things to reclaim their dominance of the world,” Solas interrupted, clearly growing bored. “First, the blight. What exists in this world is a bare fragment of its power. The rest is imprisoned… until they release it.”
“What would they need to do to free the blight, and how do we stop them from doing it?” I asked.
“They will need to pierce the Veil to reach the blight’s prison. My lyrium dagger is one of the few artifacts capable of doing so.”
“We’ve already recovered it from the ritual site.”
“Excellent,” I could’ve sworn he almost looked proud, but I doubted the smug bastard was capable. “Then they will have to make their own. That will give you time. The second is followers. They have called themselves gods, and what is a god without worshipers to sing their praises?”
“I’m not gonna bend a knee to blighted murdering monsters just because their ears are pointed like mine. I don’t think many other elves are going to either.”
“Agreed. Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain care little for the elves. They will find worshipers among those hungry for power. Tyrants and bullies. The cruel and corrupt, who fear their own vulnerability and seize any chance to feel strong. If you hunt them, they will lead you to Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain.”
I laughed without humor. “You want me to pick fights with tyrants and bullies? Sounds fun.”
“I gave no orders. All I can offer are suggestions.”
“I’m on it. What else?”
“The Vi’Revas, the Lighthouse eluvian, can take you anywhere, if you master its secrets. Have you done so?”
“Not yet, but we’ve got one of the Veil Jumpers working on it. She’ll get it sorted, and we’ll see how it goes.”
“Yes. I suppose we will. And when you speak with Varric, please tell him that I… regret what happened.”
Cole put his hand on my arm, and the world spun for a moment before I opened my eyes. We were in a grove, the stars above us, trees towering around us.
“Woah.” I put a hand to my head. “Where are we?”
“The Fade.”
“Right…” I took a seat in the grass with a sigh.
Cole crouched down, fingers fidgeting with the blades of grass. “You feel heavy again. Like before.”
“Varric picked me up to help him, but I disrupted the ritual, Varric got hurt, and the gods escaped. That doesn’t much feel like helping.”
“Varric used to help me. He wanted me to understand things, I think.”
“I don’t know how to lead, Cole. I’m barely used to being in charge of my life.”
“You’re already leading,” he said simply. His head bowed, and he glanced back behind him, as though listening for something. “They need you, it’s time to wake up.”
I gasped sitting upright, my chest heaving and my palms sweaty. I hadn’t seen Cole in years. Not since I was a slave. Not since I was at my lowest in life. Shit…
I needed to talk to Varric. I wiped my hands on my pants, standing with a huff. Having Solas in my head might prove to be more hindrance than help if he wouldn’t let me sleep in peace.
I made my way out, rubbing out the kink in my neck, hoping he might be awake. If not, I would let at least one of us get some restful sleep.
I approached him, sitting on the end of the bed, legs crossed opposite where he was sitting up against a pillow.
“So Solas told the truth about the gods,” he said as I sat down.
“You heard? It’s bad, Varric,” I shook my head. “If you’d seen D’Meta’s Crossing…”
“The team needs to act fast… and it can’t do that with me leading from a bed,” he said. “You’ve gotta take point on this.”
My chest tightened. “I can’t do what you do. I’ve barely been holding it together in the short time you’ve been out.”
He shook his head. “You don’t need to do what I do. You just need to get it done. Rook, when I put this team together, what did I look for? A detective to find the Dread Wolf and a scout to get us the lay of the land. Exactly the people he’d expect me to recruit. Disciplined. Predictable. And then there’s you. Remember when we first met, kid?”
“Of course I do.”
“You risked your neck to bring down an entire slavery ring. Pretty much by yourself,” he grinned.
“I had help.”
“Sure. I got winded about five minutes in. You did most of the work. Ticked off a bunch of Minrathous big shots, but… You’ve got a knack, kid.”
I hugged my knees to my chest. “A knack for what? Almost dying?”
“Exactly. You’ve got a knack for finding a way through the wildest shit I’ve ever seen. With a plan that no one expects. You can do this,” he said with a softness in his eyes I’d only ever really seen when it was just us. The protective kind. “And don’t worry. I’ll still be here to talk if you need me.”
“There is something… D’Meta’s Crossing was awful. While we were there, we found one survivor—the mayor.”
“You took him back to the Veil Jumpers,” he said. Harding must’ve filled him in.
“Not everyone was happy about my decision…” I told him. “We’re just starting out and I’m already losing their trust.”
Varric sat up a little straighter. “The key to earning the team’s trust isn’t to only make decisions everyone agrees with. It’s showing the team that they can tell you whatever’s on their mind, even if they think you’re full of crap, and know you’ll listen. It’s showing them that you’re capable of making the hard decisions, even if they don’t agree.”
“When I took over at the ritual site, I had to make a call on who came with me to knock over that statue. It was the first decision I made leading this team, and Harding got hurt because of it.”
“You made a decision with the best information you had. Sometimes you do that, and people end up hurt. Or worse,” he said simply.
“What would you have done?” I asked.
“What would I have done? Probably gotten myself killed and failed to stop the ritual if you hadn’t stepped in,” he laughed. “A good leader isn’t someone who never makes mistakes: It’s someone who admits when they make one. That’s how you earn their trust.”
“Did Neve tell you about me talking to Solas in the Fade?” I asked.
“I had some good arguments with Chuckles back in the day. I can’t imagine being stuck with him in my head. But how are you feeling about it?” He asked.
“Your old friend is kind of an asshole, Varric.”
He chuckled. “I’d love to be a fly on the wall while the two of you get into it. Solas fought a rebellion against Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain. He didn’t want to be a god. But he’s also a lot older and more powerful than any of us. He looks at us like we’re toddlers.”
“So how do I deal with him?”
“Act like you’re as smart as he is, and he’ll be insufferable. Show him you respect his age and experience, and he’ll remind you he’s just a man. Honestly, pick whichever of those pisses you off less,” he grinned.
“He also asked me to tell you that he regrets what happened. Hurting you, I mean,” I told him, letting my knees fall back to either side.
“Chuckles is sentimental. He could burn the world down, and the thing that would make him cry is a single flower with blackened petals.”
“He seems the type. Cole visited me. I know last time I told you about him you said he was with the Inquisition. He came to my dream with Solas too, and he looked almost… regretful, if you could even call it that.”
“Well, shit. How’s he doing? What was he doing?” Varric asked, shifting slightly.
“Apparently, he sensed my despair when he was checking out the ritual site because of how thin the Veil is there. He followed it back to me.” I sighed, standing and brushing myself off, whatever invisible dust there was. “I’ll let you rest.”
“You’re gonna be fine, Rook. Hey, one last thing before you go,” he said. “I’ve been racking my brain thinking of contacts who might help us with these gods.”
“You got any ideas?”
“Nothing. But being a leader isn’t about having all the answers yourself: It’s about knowing who does. Neve has connections to a whole world that Harding and I barely know. A world you barely got the chance to learn. Might be worth talking to her.”
“Will do. Thanks, Varric,” I offered him a smile. One of the few I was sure I would be able to give in the coming days.
“Any time, kid.”
I closed the door behind me so he could rest as I made my way out to Neve’s floating office. She told me we needed to hire the Antivan Crows, but specifically their most feared mage killer. The Demon of Vyrantium. I had heard of his work, and most of us in the wards and servants’ quarters revered his assassinations of our masters. They had given us plenty of reasons to side with the trained killer over them.
Neve said she set up a meeting with their bosses. Next, she said that we needed to take a trip back home. The Shadow Dragons of course made sense to take out the gods in the capital city of Tevinter where blood magic was strongest. We had done so much work against it and the Venatori, but I was a bit worried about seeing them again after the stunt I pulled. We trained to be the best at countering evil magic, it was time we proved it. Hopefully together this time and not just me and Varric.
The Antivan Crows seemed our best bet to start off. I wasn’t ready to go back to Minrathous yet. Not after everything.
Neve and I made our way down to the Vi’Revas, the eluvian, where Bellara was working. We watched her tinker with it for a moment before it lit up, showing the path to what Morrigan called The Crossroads. A spirit appeared beside it in tattered blue robes. Though I tensed instinctively, I felt nothing malicious from it.
“The wolf’s fang. You carry it now. Old paths. A new journey. Through there. I will wait,” he gestured to the eluvian before fading away.
When we entered, the spirit introduced itself as the caretaker who goes where they are needed. The Crossroads was a beautiful place in the fade. Paths branched out, the caretaker guiding us in a levitating boat to each island of Eluvians. This place was slowly becoming tainted, though. I could feel the blood magic and blight like invisible eyes or a forgotten touch. It caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.
We made it to the eluvian leading to Treviso after killing some Venatori trying to take over the crossroads. Neve and I glanced at each other before stepping through. Treviso… One of the finest cities in Antiva, or so I’d been told. It was now under occupation by the Antaam. Hopefully our contact would still be able to meet us.
Neve and I made our way to the coordinates given to us, seeing a petit woman leaning against the railing of the bridge. She looked over as we approached.
“Welcome to Antiva. You must be Rook. Follow me,” she said, running off, leaving me to follow in her wake.
“And you’re Andarateia Cantori. Of the Crows?” I asked.
“Teia, please. Come, my associate Viago is gathering the others.”
We ran through the streets of Treviso, through the market and up the lattice on the side of a building. From there, we ziplined to a casino, the headquarters of the Crows.
“Welcome to the Cantori Diamond,” Teia said as we went up the stairs to the right.
As soon as I entered, I felt as though I was going to be interrogated, stripped of my valuables and tossed to the streets, if the expression of the woman eyeing me and the cane in her hand were anything to say for it.
Teia took up her spot on the left, a man with a very well groomed mustache to the right of her, followed by the older woman in the throne, and on her other side a younger man who looked way too charming for anyone’s good.
The man next to Teia spoke. “You’re the client?”
“This is Rook,” Teia said with a smile. “Did you want a drink? I promise not to let Viago near it.” It struck me how pretty she was. And the man next to her.
“Viago de Riva. Fifth Talon,” he introduced. “And this is Caterina Dellamorte. First Talon of the Crows.” He gestured to the woman in the throne.
“An honor. And you are?” I asked, glancing at the man beside her.
“Illario Dellamorte. Her grandson. What brings you here?” He asked.
“Right,” I took a breath. “My target is a pair of elven gods—or that’s what they call themselves. They’re ancient blighted mages. My detective says you have a man who brought blood mages and Venatori to their knees.”
“Lucanis,” Caterina said. “My grandson. They called him “the Demon of Vyrantium.” He was the one who did those jobs.”
“Sounds like there’s more to it,” I said carefully, tilting my head.
“Lucanis Dellamorte is dead. He was killed a year ago, now,” Viago said solemnly.
“What I say doesn’t leave this room,” Caterina said slowly. “The body our people brought back was not my grandson. It was dressed in his clothing, but it had been altered with blood magic to have his face.”
“My cousin is still alive?” Illario questioned. “And you didn’t think to tell me?” Something was off about Illario. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew that I would rather have dealings with Teia and Viago more than him in the future if we had any at all.
“His ship was attacked,” Viago interrupted my thoughts. “We knew someone sold him out… so you kept your suspicions to yourself.”
“But you’ve brought it up now. Why?” I asked, looking back to the First Talon.
“I’ve had eyes on the Venatori ever since they took my grandson from me. They were hunting your Dread Wolf. And what you did to his ritual threw them into disarray. They made mistakes. And now I have a location. The Ossuary. Where the Demon of Vyrantium is kept. Find this Ossuary. Free Lucanis. You’ll have your god-killer. And I’ll have my grandson.”
Something about the way she presented him twisted my gut. Like that was all he was, a weapon to be used and discarded. Even not having met him, the thought didn’t sit right with me. I knew what it was like to be seen only for what you could do for other people, and that was not a feeling I wanted for anyone else.
I wondered though, how a mage killer captured by the Venatori would feel about two Tevinter mages freeing him.
Illario led us to our lift to the Ossuary. I was almost relieved when he didn’t get in the boat with us. Surprisingly, he was the only Crow I had met so far that had major stab-you-in-the-back vibes.
We were boated out to the middle of the sea, the Crow mage with us parting the waters below us to grant us passage to the underwater prison. When we got there, bodies littered the sand, bloodstains running red. We passed over two dozen bodies as we made our way through the prison.
It seemed to have been some ancient elven ruins before being repurposed. It was a wonder it still functioned. If the wards on this place ever broke…
I didn’t want to think about what could’ve happened when the gods got released. I was more relieved I didn’t have to be the one fending off all the guards. We came to a Venatori barrier with three crystals connected to it that I beamed fire at before the barrier fell. A large corridor led down a set of stairs where a group of Venatori gathered.
“We don’t have to fight. We’re just here for Lucanis Dellamorte.” The mage in the center slammed his staff into the ground, the wisps of red blood magic gathering around its tip. “Get ready,” I said to Neve, who braced for a fight.
“Razikale, Dragon of Mystery. Lusacan, Dragon of Night. Hear your faithful call—”
A man in blue leathers flipped down from seemingly out of thin air, black and purple glowing wings sprouted from his back as he fell. He grappled the mage, pulling him as he spun so that the Venatori next to him stabbed straight through his comrade’s gut. He ducked as another sword came at him, kicking the Venatori in the gut. The cultist flew backward, impaling on one of the ice spikes surrounding us.
The man sprinted at the other two, a dagger in one hand and a rapier in the other. In a flash that was barely visible, he spun, slitting both of their throats before turning and putting his sword through the final cultist’s back.
He stood with his back turned to us, chest heaving. My eyes were wide. “I’m guessing you’re the reason we’re here,” I said carefully.
His wings flapped and dissipated as he turned back toward us. “Who are you? Who sent you?” He asked, the thick accent of Antiva coming through in his voice.
Something about his presence was calm, assured, even though he just murdered six people before my eyes. It drew me in, and I wasn’t sure I would have the strength to back out.
“My name’s Rook. Caterina sent me.”
“Caterina…” He looked at the ground. “But… you’re not a Crow.” He put his hands on his hips.
“I’m breaking you out of here,” I told him. “But… you’re not just you. Care to introduce me to your friend?”
“Rook. He’s possessed by a demon,” Neve said carefully.
“It’s complicated,” Lucanis said with a slight shrug.
“Caterina promised us a mage killer if we could get you out of here,” I told him.
“I can still work,” he assured me.
“Good,” I smiled. “Cause I’m pretty sure more Venatori are on their way. We have to get moving.”
“They have a vial of my blood. They can use it to control me. I cannot leave it in their hands. And… I had a contract when I was captured. One of my targets is here. Calivan. Crows don’t break contracts,” Lucanis said.
“All right, we’ll help. But in return, I need help killing some things,” I told him.
“I’ll owe you,” he said slowly.
“I’m sure we’ll owe each other before this is all over. Let’s go.”
We made our way back through the prison, coming to a huge gap that none of us would be able to jump across.
“What are you—Fine. He says he can help. There is something in the Fade close enough to grab onto.”
I watched Lucanis’s wings come out, energy flowing from his hands and a large piece of floating cobblestone came into being. “All of that… came from the Fade?”
“I’m as surprised as you,” Lucanis said honestly.
Eventually, we came to a room protected by at least six of the Venatori’s crystals powering the barrier. Behind it, was a massive garnished vial of blood. “Yeah, they can’t do anything subtle, can they?” I asked, aiming a beam of flames at it, making it explode on impact.
Through a close-by archway, there was a lift. We took it and it led to an audience chamber, a mage standing in the middle of it.
As we approached, Calivan did as all villains do, and started giving a long-winded speech. Something something, Zara said it would be ironic, he’s already the Demon of Vyrantium, now it’s just more literal. Lucanis smirked at me, glancing sidelong as Calivan went on his tangent, and I found myself smiling back. Something something she always leaves him to clean up the mess.
Maybe he should’ve picked someone better to follow.
I put my hands together, feeling the energy build between them as I loosed a death ray of fire and lightning right at his face. That’ll shut him up, surely.
Lucanis blinked at me as Calivan fell to his knees. “Sorry,” I said impulsively. “I know that was your contract. He was getting on my nerves.”
“Don’t be. Imagine how I feel,” Lucanis said, the corners of his lips twitching up. He spat on Calivan’s body. “The Crows send their regards.”
I glanced down at the ashen body, and when I looked up again I saw a purple version of Lucanis standing right beside him, and I blinked.
“The contract is done,” Lucanis said.
“Smells like blood. Ashes. Not done. Not yet,” The purple man said. From what I was sensing, this was his demon. Though he was closer to a spirit, not quite monstrous yet. I opted to ignore him for now. Not drawing attention to it was likely safer at least for the moment.
Lucanis just stared at him blankly. “Lucanis? Are you alright?” I asked.
“Careful, they know. We’re not right.”
“You cannot see him. I wondered,” he said, putting his hands on his hips.
“We clearly have things to discuss. Somewhere else,” I told him.
“Agreed. I think… it’s time I got some air.”
—--------------------------------------------
Back at the Cantori Diamond we found Teia and Viago looking at Illario who was leaned over against the table, breathing heavily. The two of them turned around and Teia’s face went whiter than I thought possible.
“Maker…” She said.
“Lucanis?” Viago’s eyes were wide.
Lucanis looked around at them. “What happened here?” He questioned.
Illario’s fist hit the table, and I flinched instinctively. “A message,” he snarled. “From Zara Renata. I can’t believe it. You’re home.” Illario put a hand on Lucanis’s shoulder.
“Zara… Her people got this close?” Lucanis asked.
“The woman who runs the prison?” I guessed.
“The Venatori witch who captured me,” he answered.
“Revenge for the breakout, maybe,” I said.
“Where’s Caterina?” Lucanis asked, eyes darting around at the three of them frantically.
“She’s…” Teia’s voice broke, and her head bowed with an impossible weight on her shoulders.
Viago came up behind her, hands on her shoulders comfortingly. “The Venatori got her in the confusion.”
“I got one of you back, only to lose the other,” Illario said, sounding devastated. I wanted to feel bad for him, but something still felt off.
“Lucanis…” I said softly. “I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“I need to work,” he said, shifting on his feet.
“Are you sure?” Teia asked. “You should take some time.”
“I don’t need time—I need a target,” he said darkly.
“You just got here, and already you want to leave again?” Illario questioned. How he didn’t understand was beyond me.
“Caterina gave me a contract. I’m not breaking the last deal she ever made. And I owe Rook. Once that’s done… I’ll come home,” he told them.
“I’ll return him in one piece,” I promised.
“Thank you,” Illario smiled at me. “Cousin. When you find Zara, I want—I need—to be there.”
Viago shook his head. “We’re under attack. Antaam on one side and now Venatori on the other? Forget revenge, we need you—”
“No, Viago,” Teia interrupted. “Zara came for us here. In my house. She took Caterina from my house. You find her and cut her heart out, Lucanis. Vi and I will hold down the fort.”
“I’ll give her your regards, Teia,” Lucanis said.
“For Caterina,” she looked around at all of us.
—--------------------------------------
“They’re the same thing. Mostly. Well, kind of,” Bellara said as I walked in.
“Except one will manipulate you. Or kill you. Or both,” Neve replied.
“But how do you get rid of them?” Lucanis leaned against the fireplace, one hand braced against it, the other on his hip.
“What’s everyone talking about?” I asked.
“Spite,” Lucanis looked back over his shoulder at me.
“The demon in Lucanis,” Neve said. “When a person gets possessed—the demon usually takes control.”
“And they turn into a monster. The spirit just… molds them. However they want,” Bellara added.
“I’ve heard of abominations being cured by killing the demon in the Fade. That’s not a sure bet, though,” Neve thought.
“Well, there’s one way. But it’s well… we’d have to, um…”
“You’d have to kill me,” Lucanis finished.
“That can’t be the only solution. Can’t we… reason with Spite, maybe? Persuade him to leave?” I asked.
“Talk doesn’t work on Spite,” Lucanis said.
“She won’t hurt you. How sweet,” Spite crooned, the ghost of his form next to me. He vanished and appeared in front of Lucanis. “I want to talk to her!” Lucanis kept his gaze on me, no doubt seeing my eyes track the demon.
“Before we do, well, that. Let’s think this through some more. There has to be a solution,” Bellara said. I braced my hands against their chairs, leaning over them slightly.
“I have people in Minrathous I can ask, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up,” Neve said.
“All right. So, what’s next?” I asked.
“Let me talk to them! I want. To talk. To Rook!” Spite swung, punching Lucanis in the nose. Blood spattered, and Lucanis winced, his hand going to his nose.
Bellara and Neve stood. “Lucanis!” Bellara cried.
“No, it’s fine. I’m fine,” he said, putting his arm out.
“He’s done this before? Enough that you just… shrug it off?” I questioned, leveling a glare at the aspect of Spite next to him.
“He’d do this in the Ossuary. The Fade does whatever a spirit wants. Real walls and chains, not so much. Just… give me a minute. He’ll get bored once everyone leaves.”
I leveled him with a stare that said I would absolutely not be leaving even as Bellara and Neve got up and left. Neve shot me a glance that said ‘be careful’, but I just nodded to her.
He put his hand back up against the fireplace and stared into the flames as I walked around the table, sliding up to sit on the edge of it.
“I thought you couldn’t see him. At the Ossuary…”
“I didn’t want him to know I could see him. That was the last thing we needed there,” I told him.
“You can hear him too?” He asked, looking back at me with furrowed brows.
“When I can see him or when he’s showing through you, yes,” I answered honestly.
“But the others, they can’t. Why is that?” He asked, looking at me curiously, if not a bit suspiciously.
I shrugged. “I’ve always had a connection to the Fade. In worse times I was in such turmoil a spirit of Compassion appeared in my dreams or pulled me out of reality if things got bad. And now that connection is stronger than ever. Some of my blood is circulating around in the Fade from when we interrupted Solas’s ritual. That’s how he visits me in my sleep.”
“I am sorry,” he said. “I can’t stand him, I didn’t want him to be a problem for you too.” I just shook my head. “I would kill for a decent cup of coffee right now.”
“Have you? For coffee, I mean,” I grinned.
I saw the corner of his lip twitch up. “Not today. You’ve got questions. You might as well ask them.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, watching him. “You’re the best mage killer in the Antivan Crows. So how’d the Venatori catch you?”
“Someone set me up,” he said simply. “I had a contract for Calivan. In the Ossuary. I took a ship from Treviso to Minrathous. They were waiting for me. Knew which ship and when it would arrive. I don’t know how they convinced the Crows I was dead, but I woke up in the Ossuary with Zara gloating about it.”
“Blood magic.” I could tell him that at least. One thing I had the answer to. “Caterina said they had dressed the body in your clothes and altered it with blood magic to look like your face too. I can’t even imagine… I know she… “volunteered” you to work with us. Are you okay with that?” I asked sincerely.
“When the First Talon of the Crows gives you a job, you do it. Especially if she’s your grandmother. But, there’s plenty of reason for me to work with you beyond that, Rook,” he said.
“Such as?” I tilted my head, kicking my feet under the table.
“I owe you a debt, for one. And after a year in that hole, maybe I’m looking forward to stabbing a god or two in the back,” he answered.
“Two!” Spite hissed.
“The Crossroads can be dicey, but the Lighthouse is safe. Oh, and if you see a spirit around called the Caretaker, they’re friendly,” I smiled.
“After the Ossuary, that will be a pleasant change,” he said with a grin. After a moment’s silence, he put his hands on his hips. “You haven’t asked anything about Spite.”
“Based on what I’ve seen, I’d say he picked the right name.”
“He’s stronger when I sleep. So… I try not to do it much. No one was in the Ossuary by choice. Not even the demons. We both did what we had to, to get out of there,” he told me.
“I admire you,” I told him. “What you’ve been through would break most people.”
“I would not give Zara the satisfaction,” he smirked.
“I understand. Still, you must be a very courageous man,” I smiled.
“A very stubborn one, perhaps. But, that’s… kind of you to say. Leave Spite to me. If he’s trapped in this world, he has a good reason to fight for it. For now, I must honor our contract. Gods, magic, politics…” he hummed, the rumble in his chest trying to drag me toward him. “Things are going to get very bloody.”
I gave him one last smile as he turned back toward the fire. “If you’re stubborn, I’d say Zara picked the right demon. If I remember right, Spite is a demon of Determination,” I smirked, looking back at him.
His brows were raised. “Perhaps it was the only thing she got right. She was nothing if not fond of irony.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Please give me your thoughts on this. I missed Cole and he was so important to me in Inquisition I wanted him to have a role in this story too, however minor. Also the back and forth with Solas gets me every time XD
Let me know if you want to be on a tag list! <3
Have a good day lovelies!
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard fanfic#da veilguard#datv#datv spoilers#datv fanfic#datv fanfiction#datv fic#datv companions#datv varric#datv rook#dragon age rook#dragon age varric#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#lucanis#dragon age lucanis#da4 lucanis#lucanis x rook#lucanis romance#dragon age dreadwolf#dragon age fanfiction#dragon age fanfic#dragon age fic#dragon age 4#dragon age 4 fanfiction#dragon age 4 fanfic#dragon age 4 fic
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I dunno.
I absolutely do think we need to make leftist spaces more friendly towards cishet men in general. It can be tough, in a lot of circles, to not become hostile towards people I generally agree with, because they always make me the boogie man.
For people less reflected, I can absolutely see that pushing people away. It's pushed me away from several spaces, and there are still spaces I frequent where I often feel excluded and uncomfortable.
There are absolute problems, and they need to be addressed, but the angle can't just be "some white cishet men are fascists, therefore saying 'kill all men' is okay" which is what happens a lot in some spaces.
But it also can't be "Not all men are bad, so let's do nothing".
We need to approach things with a mindset of "how can we stop and work against the social changes we see happening?"
And some of that boils down to giving people what they find in dangerous rhetorics and systems, without them. Community, a sense of belonging, a sense of safety, and understanding.
I am not saying that individuals need to, when face to face with a fascist, be nice to them.
But I am saying that, if, at the first sign of fascist rhetoric in someone, everyone shuns them, it could be that the result of that is that they'll quickly become more like those that still talk to them: Fascists.
And that holds doubly true when they didn't show those things in the first place.
Ofc it is a balancing act. Its tough, and its never on the individuals on the left to fight the institutions on the right.
But we can't just deal with it with hostility.
Also, it's clearly not just a "white men" problem.
45% of women voted for Trump.
That is less than half, and less than the percentage of men that voted for him.
But 45% is still a lot. A huge amount.
If it had been 0%, like some people online seem to pretend, he would never have won.
We need to hold those woman just as accountable as we hold the men. We need conversations to be balanced, and better than that of our opponents.
Leftism is a humanitarian project, and to work for that, we need to include all of humanity. We're trying to make a better world for everyone here, not inflict vengeance upon the sons for the sins of the fathers. At least that is my approach and goal.
Being nicer to men in a leftist, online setting, IS important. We can't afford to, and should not want to, alienate half the population.
But being nicer to men does not mean "be nice to the specific men that have done you personally wrong" it means "Be nice to the men that haven't done you wrong, do not allow yourself to assume they will hurt you if given a chance" (though ofc, everyone, men, women and otherwise, should take appropriate precautions to keep themselves safe, when meeting men, women, and otherwise. Going on first dates in a public area, while having a friend that has promised to check in on you at 10pm, is not not being nice. It's just being safe, and that is always allowed).
It doesn't mean to not say "My ex was a pig". It does mean to not say "all men are pigs, just look at my ex".
We have to hold ourselves to high standards. Not just because that is the path to victory, though it is, but more importantly, because it's the path to a victory that means anything.
If we do not hold ourselves to high standards, what does a victory mean? If we just replace one harmful society with another, what was won?
Being mindful of language and word choice does not just mean using 'they' when we don't know someone's pronouns. It also means using 'that man' instead of 'men' when talking about a pig.
I get it can be frustrating to cater to the people that make your life hell. But you're not catering to them. You're catering to the rest of them. The men that already hate women, that are already fascists, that are already the enemy, do not care that you do not like them. If anything, they wear it like a badge of honour.
But the others, the ones that want to, strongly, or just barely, to be your ally, or for really, anyone but the worst, to let them know that there is a place for them where they can get love and respect(as human beings), without having to hate and disrespect others.
It's a bit like that comic on body-shaming I can't find right now. Where the person you're trying to be mean to doesn't care, but the people who happen to share that feature get sad.
(but yes, of course, its not like being nice to men will solve everything, there's other work to do too, but we can't ignore it just because its not a magical solve it all)
I get the good intentions behind it, but something feels off about responding to the observation that white cishet men are becoming radicalized towards racism and misogyny with "maybe you should have been nicer to the men"
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what if i made up writing / edits / etc prompt themes for a week or a month for the rpc to have fun with like... write any length drabble / fic, or write a headcanon, or put together a photo / gif set / moodboard, or draw art, literally any creative outlet you can think of to fit the theme...
it'd be random words / phrases and it'd be up to you to attach or find meaning to it, and it'd be a fully creative endeavor for you to have fun with!!
#THOTS????#i miss themed weeks like#remember themed ship weeks from way back when#i know people still do them in some circles but like#it feels more niche now#especially with some rpcs / fandoms fizzling out over the years with the tumblr emigration lol#but ya what if...#if i do this i'll post it on my rph blog bc im not trying to get my notifs flood lmfao#ooc.#tbd.
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I can’t even lie over time this pathetic little elf has grown on me and now I really like her as a character. she’s SUCH a loser. and someone said that she should’ve been recruitable instead of Halsin after uncovering the Shadow Druid plot and she could’ve had a redemption arc and now I can’t stop thinking about that alternate reality
#i have no idea if it’s a controversial opinion to like Kagha or not but#like imagine if she was sent away from the Grove. not banished but temporarily sent away to think about her actions#Halsin says she can return to the circle after she’s rediscovered the oak father’s teachings etc etc#so she can join up with you in act 1 and you get a druid then and not 2 in act 2 randomly#maybe she travels with you to find redemption. you were the one who pulled her from the brink so she thinks travelling with you#will help her do some good in this world#she can have a tense reunion with the tieflings in act 2 and she apologises. some forgive her. others don’t as is their right#and she tries so hard to redeem herself but she learns that sometimes people are still hurt by your deeds and they might not forgive you#I think it’s talking to Arabella that actually gives her growth#maybe it’s Kagha who’s involved in Arabella’s powers and her learning to tame them. Arabella who has reason of all to hate her#and it takes a while and some conversation and working together but I think Arabella forgives Kagha#she doesn’t have to and Kagha never expected forgiveness from her but she DOES and that’s what gets Kagha the most#she has a big introspective act 2 moment in the middle of the Shadow Curse#regardless she is first to suggest rescuing the tieflings from moonrise. not because she wants forgiveness but because it’s right#(to show her character growth and learning to care about the refugees)#and then her quest could tie into the Shadow Curse. she wants to do better and help people#and eventually the other tieflings start to come round to her. once she’s proved she’s actively bettering herself#the kids find her funny and Mattis definitely thinks she’s a loser and not scary or mean#like okay lady sure I forgive you whatever stop crying now#Mirkon is just a little sweetie so he forgives her as long as Arabella does and then he follows her around asking loads of questions#anyway sorry those are my thoughts I think it’d be great to have a redemption arc companion in act 1#bc Minthara is so missable if you don’t know to knock her out you just kill her#Kagha’s story would help indicate that there are hidden companions you can look out for#most of this is nonsense im so sleepy but will I stop rambling? no#also Minthara should top the hell out of this pathetic surface elf right now
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my favourite thing about the always sunny podcast is listening to rcg all say something extremely neurodivergent and then agree amongst themselves and convince themselves its completely normal
#and to be clear im not diagnosing them charlie said he wasn't neurotypical#like deadass i think. the reason some of their writers just completely botch the gang's motivations/dialogue sometimes is bc at their core#these characters are all. SO autistic. which inevitably leads to them being misunderstood by others outside their group#whether rcg realizes it or not they inject this very specific vibe of neurodivergence into the gang#and its why they will just. argue over inconsequential details bc they Need to be understood completely#they can't just drop it unless they are crystal fucking clear#imo the biggest mistake other writers make is thinking that the gang is completely desensitized when its more like#they just don't react the way you would expect#which is often... adjacent to that but still distinct. and its trauma that influences this as well#the gang does not believe they themselves are 'bad people'. theyre most often oblivious to the fact that the things they do are insane#rob saying he doesnt pick up on social cues and then going on to argue in circles with glenn#i dont think last week was anything crazy but i think. rob doesn't know when to let up. which is a problem that *i* have#and while it comes across as being confrontational in an 'im right youre wrong' way i dont think its driven by ego here#just like with how as they said mac and dennis are making up while chucking bread rolls at each other#on both sides its frustration at being misunderstood#but they are all similar enough that even if they disagree over small details theyre usually on the same page. and this can be beneficial!!#thats the conclusion of the ep!!!! whether its suggesting smoking to cancel out the toxic apple skin or suggesting words u cant think of#glenn said he was upset about feeling misrepresented and picked on#dennis gets angry for those exact reasons in.... ALL of his big rage scenes#its frustration that leads to anger because youre speaking to (another) brick wall and you can't adequately explain yourself#which. glenn is clearly more competent than dennis & i think a lot of the time in sunny the gang is WAY more obtuse for the sake of comedy#but its interesting to watch the dynamic because as charlie said last week#they are mac and dennis (especially when theyre fighting)#i just think.. they are in a semi-unique position to understand this because this is how they are. while several other writers do not get i#ada speaks#untagged
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starting off this sunday with a sad fact, and that is often whenever barton smells this cinnamon, but as a part of a specific blend with... something else he can't quite identify? barton is reminded of marcy because she used to wear a perfume that had that sort of scent to it.
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#ANGER'S HELPED ME STAY ALIVE: headcanons.#sighsss. barton is a bad person yes but i truly do believe that he loved marcy and tried to be better for her while she was alive to some-#degree BUT as you all may already know he has this this bloodlust deep inside of him and it's VERY ugly + twisted but that's not to say-#OFC that he should be excused for not trying to do more to be a better person not just for marcy when she was alive but for himself as-#one of his vices as a character is selfishness NGL since he is constantly feeding into his own desires without thinking about-#other people and how it will affect them + when you KILL other character's that is a big deal as that just isn't something he should-#be allowed to get away with especially concerning the fact that these are innocent people he's killing. BUT i'm getting a bit-#off track here ahah. let me circle back by saying that barton loved her and he had mourned for her for a longgg time.#and he's still kind of mourning for her until this day because i think i might've said something like this before but barton secretly-#yearns to have just a simple normal life. but barton also has this feeling that he might not be content with just being 'normal' so... yeah
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