#i know most people dont feel this way
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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these are, he says, the kind of test results we see after a car crash.
#(knocks back a glass of coke like its a shot) i think i developed a personality disorder. anyway -#my art#comics#i have complicated feelings about the interconnection of my mental and physical health#but i am only sharing the parts i feel comfortable with sharing on my own terms. dont ask.#in the politest way. most people reading this simply do not know me enough to know any more than that#so interpret the art as you wish.#image id is in the alt text its always there if you call it undescribed im counting it as a microaggression because im the blind bitch here
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back when i worked at [large chain coffee store], i tried to unionize my workplace. my manager sat me down and gave me a very guilt trip-y talk. lots of "but i thought we were a family :(" and "you don't *really* know what unionization does, do you?" i played dumb and managed to avoid being fired, but. chilchuck momence.
#mod chilchuck#i will say: i feel like chilchuck would be more adamant about forming a union given that he actually has done it#like. he has definitely received pushback for trying to form a union. even from other halflings (mickbell).#and i feel like he would know how to deal with it.#not to say that you didnt deal with your situation well. just that he had different priorities and wasnt at as much riskof losing his job(s)#given that he wasnt dealing with the fucked up job market we have right now. in which its dominated by very few companies.#diferent people are in different situations and sometimes you have to pick and choose you battles#which is why unionizing is so important. bc you dont always have to put yourself at risk to get better conditions#often times unions will have people who work the picket lines and lobbying etc. for better conditions.#working together makes us stronger. its not an individual's fight. its for all of us.#n e ways... that was long.#also. sorry for the late response to the ask. we (the blog) decided that it would be most fitting if i aswered this one.#and i was struggling to come up with a response.#(and having a severe episode of hypochondria)#dungeon meshi#chillchuck#laios#marcille#izutsumi
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i can't with all these "the show is highlighting tommy's jealousy, they're planting seeds that it will cause problems" takes like bffr. he mentioned being envious over the 118's dynamic twice, sure, but in what world (literally how?) would that cause a relationship problem? do yall expect him to be in cahoots with gerrard behind their back and murder buck to take over his life or something?? like even with the hyperbole aside, i genuinely cannot see how they can turn this into relationship drama without going against everything they showed us with tommy so far
#he literally reassured buck about his relationships in that first scene he's fine with it#he asked how buck was doing about bobby because again he KNOWS (he literally has eyes & was there to witness buck save bobby from the ship)#how much bobby means to him like do yall think 6 months into their relationship he will be unable to deal with this and what? demand buck#not be so close with them?#or that he will want to be a part of that too and buck (who in turn reassured him about this in 7x04) will be like#“uhm babe you wanting to be friends with my friends is giving me the ick?”#like whats the logic here#i'll eat my words if 911 can spin this as relationship drama i will#but im also certain this is not going the way you guys think it will#if anything the most logical follow up to this is tommy connecting with these people more as he desires and it being a good thing for both#tommy's character and bucktommy's relationship#ok rant over#911#bucktommy#tevan#kinley#edit: the only think i can think of is if he feels neglected bc say buck needs to make time for someone else but even that doesn't make#sense because buck NEVER neglected his love interests and tommy is literally friends with all these ppl to a degree so he'd arguably#understand it more than any of his exes (none of whom had any problems with buck#'s relationships within the 118)#i think you're just ignoring the context of these scenes because they paint the bigger picture of tommy being fully accepting of these#relationships so unless something changes drastically (an external thing making him feel insecure about it/buck going too ooc and#neglecting his significant other entirely etc.) i dont see how this can be a problem#mimi.txt
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nickel and balloon would be so much more interesting if people explored the way nickel became everything awful that balloon used to be but so much worse ironically all in the name of "protecting" everyone from that history repeating. and not softboy tsundere yaoi or whatever is going on in those tags rn
#meeple.txt#inanimate insanity#iii they could so easily make me hate you.#nickloon arc was the worst thing to ever come out of iii#unnecessarily long and stupid and hilariously poorly written#i actually feel insane seeing how many people just accept it at face value as The Canon#i know it Is canon but i dont care. Heart❤️#we need to bring back the fandom energy of collectively rejecting the shitty writing#nickloon arc did not happen its ok. take my hand#in my heart nickel digs himself a deeper hole of denying he did any wrong and everyone at most tolerates him#fits his character built up by s2 so much better and parallels other characters too#somewhere deep in his head i feel like he knows hes wrong. but by god it should not have been that easy to ''fix'' him#hes going to deny it until it kills him bc that means facing any regret or deeper feelings he doesnt wanna deal with#and that means admitting he made mistakes which is a huge blow to his ego#and his Cool Tough Leader personality#hes not gonna give that up so easily#and i dont think its in character for him to change within the timeframe of the show tbh . at least with the time they have left now#thats like a post canon Maybe to me#the only way ill accept it really
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Do you think Tubbo would recognize the path Bad is going down, because it's one he's already walked down on?
This self-destructive behavior coming from a broken heart?
He hasn't seen Bad at his best, before the eggs got kidnapped. He's seen him a victim to grief more than a father. It's why the blue staining Bad's being isn't out of the ordinary.
But suddenly he starts carrying flowers to remind him of the love he lost, suddenly the void calls out his name even louder and suddenly Tubbo sees himself in the older demon.
And it's scary, because suddenly he sees what he has become, how it affects others.
And for the first time of many, he sees Bad walk down a road he's paved. For the first time of many, Bad is the one repeating Tubbo's mistakes.
#the parallels between soul hunters make me SOOOOO ill you hav no idea#i needed to get this out of my brain I might've misscharactarized Bad on the way and If I have sorrayyy.....#their fascination or connection with death#their undying loyalty to those they let in their circle#the switch of their perspectives on resolving conflicts after both Purgatories#the self-sacrificial mindset when it comes to the eggs#the fact they're some of the most trusted people with the eggs#Bad is openly trusted by parents while Tubbo is silently trusted by the eggs while they're both simultaneously safe spaces for the kids#Tubbo has been there for a lot shorter than Bad which lead to him following a lot of previous islanders' including Bad's steps#but suddeny he's been trust into many tragedies and now he has his own path people may fall down in#JUST AGH#i feel like I'm going in circles#i don't know#i dont think they'd ever openly discuss their weaknesses infront of eachother#but I also don't think they'd ever outright shut off a conversation over grief they share#qsmp tubbo#qsmp badboyhalo#soul hunters#soulhunters
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will forever thinking about morgan refusing to leave dr. brazier's side while the bomb under her seat is being defused.
i didn't get a good screenshot of it, but he's also holding her hand the whole time.
and then the way he hugs her??
keep in mind he Just met this woman. he has no emotional connection to her beyond the fact that she is a person in distress and he is a person who cares. there is a bomb under her seat that could go off if she moves wrong or they fail to defuse it. if that happens, it will kill her, and almost certainly him too. he doesn't care. he kneels outside her car and holds her hand while she prays because he will not let her be afraid alone. he will not let her die alone, if it comes to that. derek morgan the bottomless well of compassion you are.
#like a lot of the characters morgan has a backstory that could easily have pushed him to become the kind of person they chase#“hurt people hurt people” that kind of thing#and like hotch saying “it's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers. and some people grow up to catch them.”#hes talking about himself yes but hes talking about most of the bau#morgan was hurt so badly#and instead of attempting to regain his power by hurting other people#he decided that nobody was ever going to feel that way again. not around him. not if he had anything to say about it#im in shambles can you tell#derek morgan#character analysis#i think#i dont know man this scene destroys me. we see morgans compassion extended to the people he loves so often#but its when its extended to complete strangers that it really gets me.#so full of love despite it all#not fic#criminal minds#criminal minds rewatch#criminal minds s02e08#empty planet#favourites
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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I dislike takes that Danse would be just as conservative in modernized aus when it's clearly shown his staunch views of things come from his time in the Brotherhood and his deep-rooted desire to belong to something with a greater purpose.
Not to mention lines that show much more open-mindedness that get overlooked for his harsher sentiments when you first meet him. Like the oppurtunity to be a part of something is why Danse fell so far into Brotherhood dogma and it doesn't negate the offense things he does but I feel like it's just lazy to be like "hmmm he'd def be racist" just so it aligns to his BoS beliefs.
#like i genuinely think he would like not fall into the military if he was in modern times because of all the other things he could do#he clearly has a passion for tech and mods and likely would find himself more useful as like a mechanic like at most hes one of those range#types or something but I feel like people equate his seriousness and him being a military man to closemindedness when its like having to ge#a new view point like we really dont know what he believed in before the BoS if he believed in anything at all outside of selling scrap to#survive before basically having an army recruiter have him join one of the scariest factions like why is the BoS so fucking violent???#like the BoS operates in such a way cause there is no civilian population like everyone is something or training to be so they arent really#fighting for anything but themselves at this point which is just a feedback loop of gaining more power and is not equatable to real#military people due to the fact most of the recruits are really born and bred to be soliders while say irl you have a family and country to#fight for and return to outside the military which is def grounding as Danse wouldn't be in the army 24/7 like in canon#idk its odd to me when a character that is has fantastic racism ergo the trope of bigotry to fake races people try to translate it to real#life especially when those races have not equivalent like tell me what is the irl equal to a fucking ghoul or super mutant like????#racism is not like a funny headcanon like making him a defrosting prude or by the book is whatever but he would not be a bigot just like a#narc or some shit hed tell on me for loitering but I know hed tear apart each voting party and likely the military for being self serving#and like knows all about it and it makes him sound like a politics nut but its more annoyance like I have such strong feelings about#characters who would be marginially better if they were not victums to the military like yes I believe we can fix Danse he just needs to#be around not war/the military for like a week and see people be happy existing like he doesnt know how to do that but this is a weird take#ive seen mostly from white fans that makes me super uncomfy like ur weird#anyway still fuck the brotherhood everyone is so rude like damn i know its the east coast but can we get a little hospitality fuck you#maccready was right brotherhood of squeal more like it dont worry porky we'll get you out (danse is porky btw)#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#paladin danse
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guy who only asks questions if they feel insightful enough to be worth asking and only hangs out if there is smth to do together <- deeply uncomfortable of the idea of wasting someones time
#yes i was constantly accused of not paying attention for asking questions i didnt know someone already asked why do you ask#maybe it does sound a little sad when i put it as 'i feel most comfortable when i feel like im not wasting the other persons time'#but its more like i want the other person to feel like im putting thought or at least care into it even if i dont express it very well#its weird feeling like im not giving back enough in the conversation but not knowing why or being confused by the idea#of someone who just likes to listen to me talk and not waiting for their turn to speak like i do like. arent you tired of it yet>?#how are you not thinking of ways to get out of this conversation yet??? it fascinates me bc ill never understand it#i like how we are now talking abt not letting yourself feel like a burden for asking for help and letting people help you#but i am on the other side of the spectrum where i want to feel needed when we hang out or else i wont know how to let u know me#yapping#diary#I hate feeling like this cuz it feels like im coming up with new and creative ways to defend myself instead of being myself
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tiny yoichi (unwillingly) lures out soldiers by being his helplessness little self so his brother can strike
#bases are the most reliable way to find food afo found!#yoichi is crying bcuz he pitys them <3#not because hes nervous#im gonna be honest i made this idea up on the spot when drawing this#pewdiepies new art video awakened something in me I NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF I CAN STIL DRAW BANGERS TOO#i didnt disappoint myself!!!! competitiveness is my enemy and my bestie literally#anyways his right eye was an absolute horrendous nightmare to draw it was going so well until i did the hair then it ruined the eye#i actually thought yoichi was wearing shoes at this age but then i looked back at those chapters and realised yoichi was shoeless#WITH ONLY A BANDAGE ON HIS FOOT??!?!!?!? agony#can yoichi not make me wish he had something good in life for ONE SECOND#think of this as like how he responded to afo killing those people that (presumably) beat yoichi up beforehand#we dont know if hes crying because his brother is killing or if he was crying before being 'saved'#ill try do some fluff art soon ive been really interested in body horror related art lately so i wanted to play around!!!#i have a BUNCH of ideas written down ive yet to do#i just keep doing whatever i feel like#i am the master of ignoring the instructions and winging it#mha#my art#yoichi shigaraki#one for all#my hero academia#first ofa user#shigaraki yoichi#mha yoichi#tiny yoichi#tiny yoichi in his shabby little clothes#ive actually been dying to draw tiny yoichi again but KIDS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW!!!!!#i had an art moment though#HALLEJUHAH#art gods had my back fr
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do you think that what the doctor usually feels for companions, rather than romantic or sexual attraction, might just be idolisation?
#just thinknig abt how 13 calls river 'on eof the best people ive ever known'#which might just be her echoing yazs words bc that seems to be the only way she knows how to communicate#but it's also like the most open i can think of the doctor ever being wrt how they feel abt river#and thinking of 10 in the satan pit going i dont believe in god i believe in rose instead#and how much of an influence rose had on the doctor#maybe its less the companion does a doctor arc and more the doctor and the companion will inevitably grow toward each other#clara and the doctor matched in specific ways that just like maybe amplified them#they didnt like balance out they become More Them#did everything the way the other wouldve done who wouldve done it the way they wouldve done#feedback loop#13 mightve worried for the same with yaz honestly#they wouldve become something very different to 12 and clara i think but no less powerful#terrifying in different ways#maybe less 'i'll kill the world to get you back' and more 'i'll kill myself to get you back'#more inward-focused in that part of it while more outward focused in the like adventure parts#Helping People rather than 12claras adrenaline junkie adventure seeking#not that thasmin arent also adrenaline junkie adventure seeking and 12clara dont want to help#just like a slightly shifted focus#i think thasmin want to feel....important. useful. helpful. more than 12clara. i think 12clara are just looking for a good time in each oth#rs company more#but idk#anyway do you think the doctor idolised yaz back as much as yaz idolised her?#DO you think yaz idolised her?#i have a really hard time getting int he doctors head abt companions. like how they feel abt them Really#but like. idolisation would be a really fun one to add into 13s head i think#what if she wants to impress yaz just as much as yaz wants to impress her oh my god#('tell me youre impressed')
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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.
#not dislike. its hate#it made me cry several times today#thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers#and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING#its so painful to think of it#today I broke down in the bus and cried#idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside#maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams#the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days#this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste#*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS#the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously#this breaks my heart#dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons#AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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i promise i do actually have a pretty solid grasp on grammar by the way i just type like this cause i want to
#sometimes i read my 400 word run on sentences like hm. could have maybe fine tuned this one.#but no on tumblr i put punctuation where i feel like it. where my heart tells me#i realise punctuation isn't even grammar but u know what i mean its fine#everything i post is written how i hear it in my head or would say it out loud and im sure most people dont read it that way#but just know theres a very specific tone
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Need me a medic main who loves playing medic as much as I love playing soldier
#yknow#to teach me how to behave 🤔#need me a freak like that#i cant even type that with a straight face lmao#but seriously tho i feel like most medic players i know are kinda whatever about it#like medic is my secondary and im like whatever about it#like you run into people all the time who are like Pyro is my LIFE#Demoman is my LIFE#i mean i got almost 1.5k hours on solly so you can guess where i am on the spectrum#but ive always wanted to meet the Medic is my LIFE guy#just for the chance to disappoint- i mean impress him (lol)#and i dont mean the 'i just started playing last year and i like to play medic' kinda guy i mean the Master Yoda of medics#where are you master yoda medic#teach me your ways
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