#i know j shouldnt. I know all of these things i should not snd do noy need to apologize for.

[anadorablekiwi]

I forgot about my wrio plushie

[fuck-customers]

I seriously almost walked the fuck out today

I work at the bullseye store when im not away at university. This week was really testing my patience as it is because my manager seems to have decided that screaming at us is the only way to communicate with us. Short background on me, i was emotionally abused as a child so now certain things set me off easily (such as yelling or fighting but also other things like a glass of ice water held up high in someones hand) its not usually that big of a deal when someome yells at me that like has a reason to? Its mostly just bad when there is no reason behind it, they are just yelling to yell. Second thing is i have bipolar disorder and am currently not on any meds for it until i can see my psychiatrist again. So im prone to things like panic attacks or overly reacting to situations (along with the usual bipolar things but those dont come into play). So today i was unloading the truck and was on the last section of the rollers. I was in charge of handling 3 pallets and a flat and if i had time was supposed to help out where i could, but it was my first time doing this particular job so i was very behind where i should have been. On top of that i had to keep stopping because i was feelig really dizzy because there isnt a fan and its really hot in there and we have to move super fast. My coworker, B, comes down and says that she "doesn't have time" to come and do 2 of her pallets that keep piling up by me that are her job. I tell her I don't have time either, as im working on clearing the rollers that are incredibly backed up like right in front of her face. She can obviously see that i dont have time to do her work on top of mine. She says i have to do it anyways and that the lady who usually does what i was doing, J, always does it. (She doesn't. Ive worked opposite of her for a week now and she rarely touches those pallets because that last section is super bus.y.) I tell B that no J rarely helps with those and besides, im not her, i dont know this section well. B starts in on me again about doing those pallets (she isnt really even working when she speaks to me, she stops to speak while i keep working even). I sorta break because by then ive had enough of her and i just want to go home and all i say is "i literally have 1 shift left" because its true after today im supposed to work tomorrow and then not again until christmas break, and i just want it over already. Well she didn't care and made that very clear by yellling and screaming at me "I don't care. Yoi have to do these pallets. J always does them snd you have to to." I start crying and step away from the rollers so im out of the way. Ive had this sort of thing happen before and i can get my crying under control in a moment or two usually so i just moved so i wasnt making someone elses job harder if they went to help me with my section. Well B of course sees that im crying and immediately starts yelling again going "you don't see me crying like a baby. Wah" and i just flippin break. I literally sprinted to the bathroom and just sobbed for a moment. But then my brain caught up a bit and realised that i had just run away from my job literally and that i could no longer feel my face or feet because running when your dizzy is a bad idea. So i start hyperventilating and panicking and sobbingg some more. Not quite full on panic attack but pretty close. Then i can hear when my boss C comes out and realises that im gone because she starts screaming and fighting with B about it. I then panic more because now im getting with flashbacks to my childhood. I eventually calm myself down enough to go back to working. So i walk back to my spot and do my job in silence. C comes back and says to walk with her. B is still being bitchy about it. I walk away with C and start crying again. She starts in on me for abandoning my spot and tells me I'm not a "team player" and then tells me that i "need to grow a thicker skin" and that she should know because shes old. As if i would ever want to become my bitch of a manager that just yells at everyone all day and we are all honestly afraid to even speak to her at this point. And then she just keeps going on about how i need to stop crying because im nog physically injured and its "just the bullseyes store" but like, thats why im crying at that point? Because i shouldnt have to deal with this at "just the bullseye store" and i should be near panic attack for no reason when no one is injured or in any way being physically harmed at all. I then go back to my spot again after she tells me to breathe and go back. I get there and send B on her way but she has to get the last word in and starts going on how J always does those pallets. All i say is "im nt getting into this again" because at that point i wasnt sure if i was going to just walk out or if i was going to actually attack her because i was just so fucking done with her existence. She then forces herself to get the last word and says that shes "just saying that she does and you must be blind". I worked in silence from then on except for the occassional word said that was required for my job. I told my one friend who i happen to work with about it because she saw me and my giant puffy eyes and asked. At the end of my shift i went to speak to her to tell her something and she stopped me and said "i saw B go on her break and she spent the entire time bragging to (other coworker) about how she made you cry. Just what the hell is with her". Oh and now along with me trying to leave, C has gotten to yelling enough that my friend is job hunting and so is our other coworker friend too. So even if i did come back at christmas the only good people therr are doing their damnedest to leave because C is such a bitch. Fuck coworkers and managers. (Tagging trigger warning since some people may have issues reading about other people breaking down.)