#i know ive already said im not posting a new fic chapter this week

[reading-writing-dying]

Want to pull out my laptop and do some planning/writing but it's also midnight and I work at 8am so I probably shouldn't

[ssreeder]

Hello! I was the anon who asked you what alta blogs I should follow like a week(?) ago. You said to come back to show you my fic so I wanted to ask for some advice. I've never really written anything before, and I have no idea at what point I should start posting it (ive written ~4 chapters now). Does posting while youre still writing motivate you to keep the story going? Part of me is worried it will just stress me out, part of me wants to get it out there already so im not the only one who knows it exists! How long should it take to write a chapter? How frequently is it reasonable to post updates? I have no idea what im doing. Any pro tips?

OLLO!

So nice to officially meet you! There are so many more seasoned and advanced writers out there that might offer you better pro-tips, but I will help you where I can, so thank you for reaching out!!

WOW! You have 4 chapters written?! That’s amazing!

My biggest PRO-TIP is to please, please, please – HAVE FUN!!!! The point of writing fanfiction is to enjoy yourself. I truly believe writing for fun should be a no pressure, creative outlet for people to explore their mind and flex their wonderful imagination!

I’ll try to answer the questions you sent me.

Does posting while I am writing motivate me to keep going?

YES!!! I have actually never even contemplated writing the entire story and then posting it chapter by chapter… It does seem like a rather efficient way to do it though, lol. I do have my very first WIP that is 4 chapters along and I know I will never post it because I decided to go in a different direction and write something else… So if you think you might lose momentum by keeping it all for yourself then please, post it! (Just space out your updates)

How often should you update?

Correct answer? Whenever the fuck you want.

I personally like to post my updates every 2ish weeks (I think every WEEK is the shortest time I would go between updates) but sometimes they pop up sooner and sometimes they take WAY longer lol. This is why Tumblr is great because I can update people how the chapter is coming along and I don’t mind if people ask me when the next update will come (I love the attention and I NEED IT!)

How long does it take me to write a chapter?

Depends… I am an unusually fast writer. I have a system that I have created for myself that works, but I am a human being and I have a life outside of my fanfiction and sometimes things happen in it that takes time away from writing. Sometimes I just don’t FEEL like writing right now, or sometimes I am stuck at a spot and I need a fresh day or a new environment to get through it.

The important thing is to enjoy your life and not let yourself get stressed thinking that you should be writing, or you should be updating your story…. No. You SHOULD be enjoying your damn self. <3

Different chapter lengths will take different amount of time…. I do not know how to write a chapter under 8k…. I just can’t & most of my chapters hit from 10k-13k and it takes me 2 weeks to write, edit and post. But everyone is different and it might take you a month to write a 3k chapter and that is O K A Y!!!

However long it takes you to write a chapter is how long you should space your updates even if you have the heads start. So if it takes you a month to write a chapter (no matter how many words it is) then do your updates once a month. It just makes it easy.

OKAY.... Here is my MOST IMPORTANT PRO-TIP……

Please try not to play the comparison game! It is the most dangerous game you can play with your writing. So my BIGGEST advice is to not compare what you wrote to what anyone else has written. Kudos, comments, collections, all the crap is great but what is really important is that you are enjoying what you are writing and you are having fun. No everyone is going to read your story and that is OK!

If writing ever became stressful for me and I wanted to stop, I would. (Nervous laugh to the two people I came to in the middle of the night screaming I QUIT!!! & they talked me off the deleting ledge, THANK THEM THAT LIAB STILL EXISTS lol)

If writing ever becomes a thing in your life that stresses you out or makes you feel upset about yourself then TAKE A BREAK! OR QUIT! This is your life and you being happy is the number one thing.

It does help to have someone, ANYONE that you can talk to about your complaints or frustrations (it is just nice to have someone to talk to and vent about things – or bounce ideas off of…. Or beg for them to design your characters outfits because you just can’t dress yourself, much less the fictional characters)

Final TIP!:

The only other advice I have is if people comment on your writing, comment back! I am probably TOO engaged with my readers haha… but it is one of my FAVORITE parts about writing fanfiction. I love to get comments like “I NEVER COMMENT BUT AHHHH!!!!” & I take my time to respond to each one individually. So if reader interaction is important to you, then make sure you participate with your readers and make them feel special and appreciated.... because they deserve it. (I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!)

(I would seriously write my stories JUST for the few people that comment and tell me that my words touched them somehow and they felt things from reading. I can think of specific usernames that made me go AWWWWWW... worth it.)

Well…. That is my rambling answer. I hoped it helped? If you need anything else feel free to DM me and I will try to assist you in anyway I can!! <3 Have a wonderful day! I am excited for you!!!!!

[inyoursheets]

Hi,

I love your writing. You’re very talented. I hope you don’t mind me asking. Are you going to continue your GG stories now that the series is cancelled?What’s the next fic you’re going to post to AO3?

ohhh thank you so much, that is so nice to hear! i really love writing and im still so amazed and grateful that there are people who enjoy the result of that. that's so neat

i definitely plan on finishing my WIPs. the plan now is to see by the time i wrap up all the fics im currently working on if i still have interest in writing new ones. that said i dont know if all my WIPs will get finished and shared? i mean i hope i do! but i am kind of a slow writer and ive got about eight different fics im working on right now so we'll see how it goes!

i will definitely finish the fics that are already up on ao3. im gonna finish writing as trouble ought to do even if it's the last thing i do. ive got a good chunk of the last chapter written already and i love that story too much to not finish it. & i do plan on finishing hands, knees, please, tangerine, but that one needs a looot more work

other than that im working on:

a very very very ill-advised follow-up to the instigator that i have no idea if i'll ever finish and am very scared won’t do justice to the instigator itself

a married!brio pwp that's really just the nastiest dirtiest smut ive ever written i guess and i have no idea if ill ever finish

a random lifeguard!rio/aerobics instructor!beth AU that was supposed to be enemies-to-lovers but it's completely getting away from me??

and um. ok so... ever since finishing warm water ive been wanting to write another multi-chapter fic of similar size & ive kind of been planning it but i basically havent written a single word but i want it but it's gotta be big but i write so slowly ill never ever finish it and it'll take me like a year to write just like warm water oh my god what have i done

part of me is also contemplating actually writing this beth/rhea fic?? help

in conclusion hELP ME and also i’ll probably publish the final chapter of as trouble ought to do OR the swimming pool!AU next. when, im not sure. i do want to spend more time writing this week so who knows, might be sooner than i expect

thank you so much for your kind words. im very flattered that you like my writing enough to wanna know what’s ahead!! thank you!!

[ahundredtimesover]

A Still Day or A Hurricane Feedback/Comments (03)

@ohmydarlin-g asked: I've been so disconnected from tumblr after I got a new job so I had no idea asdoah was coming but I just read the first chapter and OH MY GOD I am so in love already I love MCs independence and down to earth attitude while JK is a free spirit with a heart of gold. I feel like this pairing is gonna be so refreshing and sweet just like a strawberry tart 😋 I can't wait for more! (Also is it possible to be added to the tag list I don't remember if you do that???)

Hiii congrats on the new job! 🎉 I’m glad you’re loving the characters so far. They’re honestly so cute pls and ur right, refreshing. There’s just something about a playful, cheeky JK that’s so alluring. I’m excited for you learn more of how they are! And yes to adding you to the taglist. Thanks so much for reading! 🥰

@jeoncookie-bts asked: Authornim!!!! I love asdoah so much! OC is such an inspiration, a bad bitch (in a very VERY positive way)! She knows what shes doing and shes good at it, can easily be independent on her own. And jungkook being the persistent yet mature guy!!!!!! Give me him!!!!!!! I love love LOOOOVEEE this dynamic between the two of them so much, and im so excited to see progress in their so called friendship lol! Seeing that both of them agreed to this "friendship", i wonder what's actually in store for them 🤩 great work authornim! cant wait for the next chap! 🥰

This JK and this OC are so, so special to me and you’ll see more of their flaws and amazing sides. But yes, this JK is something else and I think you’re gonna like him a lot! We all want him, don’t we? 🥺 Every time I think of that VLive, I get a whiplash. 🥵 Pls think of him while reading haha. Thank you so much for this! ☺️

🍧Anonymous asked: Hi mimi!!! Excited for your new series even tho I'm not in a good mental space these days 😭 i dont usually read fics where the OC is older bc I'm... younger than jk heehhe but still!! I feel like I've made a lot of exceptions for your writings bc you're just that good🤍

Looking forward to see how their relationship progress and how the baby would come to be 🙈🙈🙈 i love how flirty JK is and even tho he said he's okay with friendship now, I kinda wish to see more of them flirty sides 👀 Do you have a schedule for this? Anyhow. Havw a good week!

I totally get you but I’m the opposite! Haha but thank you for giving this a shot, it means a lot. ☺️ The age thing won’t be as pronounced as the story goes on, as their other differences take the front seat. And flirty sides, you ask? There’ll be alotttt. I’ve never written so many flirty scenes but it’s a 130+k fic hehe 😂 so they’ll be popping out a lot. I hope you enjoy the rest of it. You can find the series masterlist here. 😊

Anonymous asked: I LOVE FLIRTY JK SO MUCHHH HE WAS SO ADORABLE AND FUNNY I JUST COULDNT STOP SMILING THE ENTIRE TIME THANK YOU FOR GIVING US THIS FIC

AHHHH I AGREE! This JK makes me smile soooo much bc he’s a flirt through and through and we love him for it. Thank you so much for reading! 🥰🥰

@jmnkooks asked: Hi mimi hope you’re doing well 🤍 I just wanted to say that I am already in love with the first chapter and can’t wait to read the rest of your new story!! Thank you for sharing your talent with us 😘 sending love from italy

Oh, thank you so much! I’m fine and I hope you’re doing well, too. ☺️ So many more things happen and I hope you like the rest of it. I appreciate your kind words and sending you love back from the Philippines! 💜💜

Anonymous asked: asdoah is the fic ive been looking for 😩 ive been looking for a single mom oc since i keep seeing dilf member fics hehe im glad u posted asdoah mimi!!! im excited to see where the story goesss 😆

Hiii I agree! That’s why this was pretty exciting to write because there’s so much to explore with a badass, single mom OC and a cheeky JK who just wants her attention. 😉 Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy the rest of it! 🥰

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

just saw your pinned post and aaa!!! please could we have #49?? mclennon ofc ;)

thank you love 💗

49. “I cant stop thinking about you”

“Id give you everything I got for a little piece a mind!” And with that, he finalised the song.

“Its...its good.” Paul said awkwardly - he’d been put into an uncomfortable position by John, hearing him sing a song that was so clearly about him. A song so distraught, a clear cry for help - and it was Paul evoking these cries as well.

“Yeah, well...” he grumbled, “its one I came up with in India, y’know.” Of course he knew, he’d known within seconds of hearing it - this was a song about their argument. The one that had taken place in India, and the one that has acted as a clear indicator that their relationship has changed; there is no longer an innocence to it, nor is there a nonchalance and ease to it either.

“Um, is it...” Paul wanted to ask if it was about him, though of course he knew it was, still it would be nice to have a little less ambiguity. Instead he opted for asking, “Are you- are you okay?”

With some sterility and a cutting edge coldness to his voice, John responded “Yeah. Never been better.”

Paul nodded at this, not reassured. After something of an awkward silence, John stated, “Ive gotta be goin’ actually - ‘m seeing someone.”

“Alright then, have a good one-like.” Paul said trying to at least finalise their conversation with some normalcy - but watching John just about to leave the room, he felt this ending just didn’t sit right - he had to enquire further, and so in a small voice he called out, “...John?”

“Yeah?”

To his own surprise, he found himself bluntly stating, “Yer not alright; can ye please talk to me?”

“I am talkin’ to ye.” He began to make his way back over to Paul, taking a seat beside him. “Ive been talking to you fer 11 bloody years now - and im still not gettin’ through to you.”

“What’ve you been tryin’ to get through to me?”

John looked away from him, he indicated the answer, but he couldn’t bear to speak the words ‘I love you’ out loud; at least not with such sincerity. He changed the subject, adding, “I cant stop thinking about you. Yer askin’ me if im alright - course im not, ive got you on me fuckin’ mind all the time.”

“I...I didnt know...” Paul trailed off here, he never was good at expressing himself so openly. “I, um, I cant stop thinking about you either.”

Spitefully, he retorted, “Yer full of shit Macca.”

“‘M bein’ honest here John - I cant stop thinking about you, cause im worried about you. Yer drinking a lot, tripping a lot - you show up at the studio and you’re angry or depressed or something or other. Im worried. I want you to be happy.”

He was met with bitter, even resentful response, “Yer not worried about me, you just dont like me bein’ an inconvenience. What if something were to come out, all over the news ‘The Beatles are all really just bastards, like every other fuckin’ human being on the planet’.”

“I dont give a shit about that-“

“Just admit it Paul, you care more about yer reputation then you do about me.”

“Thats not true! And you’re not being fair here either. Im sorry about what happened in India, but-“

“For fucks sake, will ye fuck off with India!” John was always somebody so quick to anger, most people found him impossible to get too close to on the basis that his moods were simply so inconsistent; but Paul had always been able to keep up with him. “Its fuckin’ over now, alright. I gave you a proposition, and you said you you don’t want me-“

“I do want you - I want you so bad, alright? And I dont want to let you go completely, but why cant we keep this casual y’know. If we took it to the level you’re suggesting, we’d both be ruined.” He paused, taking a small breath, and continued, “Im sorry that I cant love you like you want me too, but I want kids someday, and you know, yer right - I don’t want the whole world to hate me, im a coward and you know that. Im sorry, John - but could we not just keep ‘us’ casual?”

John couldn’t bare to shout at him again, because he didn’t want to shout anymore. He been screaming at the world his whole life, and it had never made a difference; no one had ever listened to him. He might as well have just been screaming at brick walls. And so in an agonised voice, he echoed with complete honesty, “If we keep this casual, if I cant have you all the time y’know, if I have to share you with a thousand other birds-like - im gonna lose me fucking mind, Paul. Im going mad already. And I cant stand it any longer; I want you, and only you.”

Paul sighed in response - neither party could give the other exactly what they wanted, and yet they wanted just the same thing.

***

Sorry im taking so long with posting these requests!! I have an essay to write for school today, but after that ive literally got NO homework (whoooooo) so ill be writing up the other fic requests I have in my inbox this week (and maybe uploading another chapter to my longer fic on AO3 called ‘Some People Never Know’)

Keep sending requests in if you want <3

[n7punk]

i’m abandoning my schedule, by which i mean i’m probably going to be posting more, averaging 2-3 times a week still, but there are No Laws now.

i started by posting whenever i had something done, and then i ramped up to posting every day when i wrote my first multichapter and continued doing it going forward (shoutout to my 50+ days of posting daily last summer). when i got too busy, i shifted to every other day, and then when that was too much as well, i went to a more strict twice a week schedule of tuesday/saturday.

ignoring the fic advent, ive largely followed that format since i implemented it in like october (otos was an exception, because i just loved it sm). ive especially been sticking to it to avoid burnout, because i had burnout after the daily fic advent, but i’ve found now its causing problems for me in the opposite direction - i got all the way to chapter 6 of the greys (for the first draft at least) a week ago and then had no motivation to continue because it was literal weeks from being posted - hence why i wrote and posted lgp and yim, because they were new projects and i was excited about them. lately ive been excited about other projects, but because my “schedule” was still dragging out posting the Greys, i felt like i couldn’t work on them because i had to take my time to perfect the Greys - over, and over, and over, even though i finished editing chapter four already but couldn’t post it because chapter three wasn’t up (until today, when i said fuck it).

so basically - no rules just right. when i have something ready, i’ll post it. i think i’ll average three posts a week this way, but stuff isn’t going up on pre-assigned days. if you want to know when I post something, subscribe to my profile on AO3 (linked on my blog) and you’ll get email alerts. I’ll also post new fics here as well, though i won’t make a new chapter for every single chapter of a multichapter. Despite this being “less consistent”, i think it is going to result in more content, or at least the same amount of content, and more importantly, i think its going to help me to be excited about my projects as im working on them, rather than yearning for a different project while im still finishing another.

[oh-its-souichi]

Aw

Yo! 

Shigaraki X Reader

Another fic about Shig being a father? 

Hell ya 

... I can’t help it... Him being a dad just gives me... life.

Im sorry

Also the final chapter of Ultra Violence will be posted sometime this week and after that I will be continuing the Dabi fic Ive been working on.

Warning- I didn’t know how Nomu were made so I just guessed, FLUFF, Daughters name is Shi because its like "she" but spelled cool and Im lazy.

It was all but silent in the warehouse. 

Around him was the bothersome buzzing of the machines at work while the water that the Nomu grew in sloshed around. With the attack on the Yuuai summer camp underway they were there to check on Dabi’s Nomu’s.

The patchwork villain wouldn’t shut up about it so Shigaraki, fed up, told him to meet up with his at the warehouse so they could see how the creature was progressing.

To the left of him Kurogiri was fidgeting with a control panel while Shi played with a small nail she had found while wondering around the warehouse.

Dabi stared down at her wondering if he should take the nail away from her but shrugged and turned his attention to one of the brains floating in the sickly green water. "Hey boss are you cool with her having that?" Dabi suddenly spoke the situation irking him for some reason.

Shigaraki looked briefly down at his daughter and grunted seeing no issue. It was nice she had found something to preoccupy herself with instead of badgering him.

Shi quietly hummed a song Shigaraki had heard play at the beginning of one of the magical girl series she was obsessed with. 

Well, the one she was obsessed with right now. It seemed to change every week though. 

The only reason he was aware of the change is because sometimes he got on his computer to read the news and what not he would hear two little feet tumble into the room, the pressure of her eyes falling on him. “Daddy” she would say locking her sights beginning the silent battle.

He would try to ignore her, grumbling under his breath at her while focusing on whatever he was doing that day until he just gave up.

“Uh fine. You’re so annoying.” he would groan minutes into the stare down.

Begrudgingly he would lift her onto his lap and go to the website that illegally uploaded movies and episodes of various titles, clicking on whatever caught her interest.

Usually the shows consisted of brightly colored character who were overly enthusiastic and made his head ache. His fingers would find their way up to his throat scratching ruthlessly. 

He didn’t like having to share especially with a little girl that just walks in and demands things of him without saying a single word but he found it was easier to let her watch it for a few minutes and often times he didnt give into her, like yesterday, but on days he was to exhausred to fight he would

It was better then dealing with her silently crying, having hidden herself under a blanket in a corner somewhere and then you looking at him with the damn puppy dog eyes asking "She just wants to spend time with you T"

The two of you drove him crazy. 

But secretly he liked it. 

Shi dropped the nail in her hand to the ground and wandered up to his side standing up on her tip toes staring down into the water. “For me?” He heard her say. “Huh? he said twisting his expression underneath Father, casting his sights down to her. She shifted awkwardly under his gaze feeling the pressure. Nervously she twisted the toe of her small beat up sneakers into the cement floor. She had learned in the two years she had been alive that odd things set her father off and it was not fun to be at the receiving end of his dangerous temper. “One for me?” she repeated pointing at herself. 

Shigaraki paused letting her words sink in before a smile spread across his face. “You want a Nomu?” he asked shifting his eyes from the little girl to one of the floating brains. A lightness entered his chest and he almost felt uncomfortably elated. The feeling wasn’t entirely new he had felt it before when he saw himself on the news and heard the newscasters say his name with a adorable twang of fear in their voices. 

It made him proud.

He felt proud.  

He knelt down connecting he red eyes with her similarly colored ones. “Now what would a- How old are you?” he asked. She paused prodding her bottom lip with her pointer finger. 

“56 probably” 

“56?! Are you stupi-” 

“She’s two and a half Tomura Shigraki” Kurogiri said from the work bench himself and Dabi stood by while waiting for the machine he had been using to load the program he had to install. Shigaraki cocked his head in thought. ‘It’s been two years already. What the hell’ 

Shi had been his greatest mishap.

At 18 you were introduced into his life and he quickly became intrigued by you, obsessed with you. Eventually the two of you formed a strange relationship and he found himself spending more time alone with you in his room, knocking you up in the process.

After breaking the news to All for One he was surprised the elder man was somewhat supportive. ‘It’s a little earlier then I would have liked it to be but it’s good to secure an ere.’ 

They were not exactly the words he wanted to hear but that’s all ancient history now.

He studied her childish features seeing a lot more of himself in her face then you. She had light blue hair that was slightly wavy and bright red eyes the only real difference being she was a little bit cuter. 

“What would a two year old want with a Nomu?” he asked. Shi with a determined look on her face walked away from her father (to his confusion) making her way to Kurogiri where she interrupted the conversation he and Dabi were having to tug the newspaper he had in his hand. He released it watching her shyly walk back to Shigaraki. Clumsily unfolding the paper she pointed to a picture of All Might that was printed on it. “For Game over” she said. 

Shigaraki’s breath got caught in his throat leaving him breathless, his chest tightening harshly. Quickly his brain was overrun with images of him and his daughter releasing mass destruction upon the city hand in hand, well pinky in pinky. The effects on the public seeing a small innocent child basically murder innocent civilians would shake then to their core. The heros wouldnt even know what to do.

“Well” he said “What a promising little mistake you’re turning out to be. Kurogiri give one of these to her” he said grabbing Shi lightly by the hand, twirling her around. 

Kurogiri looked away from Dabi who raised his eyebrows unimpressed. “Are you sure that is wise?” he asked warily. Shigaraki dropped Shi’s hand raising up his arms. “What kind of father would I be to deny his own daughter’s wishes and aspirations.” he said smiling down on Shi who blushed. Dabi scoffed “Where was that attitude when you yelled at her for wanting to watch that kid show? Isnt that kinda like denying her aspirations??”

Shigaraki grew irritated “ Shut up patchwork. Kurogiri can you do it or not?” he asked glaring at the man. 

Kurogiri sighed to himself. “Yes I will set it up now” he said moving himself back to the control panel silently thinking to himself. (A peek into the mind of Kurogiri- ‘WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS ABSOLUTE HELL GOBLIN THINKI-) 

Dabi flashed Kurogiri an amused look before propping himself against one of the metal tables that sat adjacent to the Nomu’s “So Shi” he said earning a glare from Shigaraki.

Shi looked at him shyly her cheeks flushed. “Once you get this Nomu of yours how are you going to take him down?” 

She thought for a moment before smiling viciously, much like her fathers smile. “Like this!” she triumphed fiercely punching Dabi in the leg making him jump slightly in shock.  Shigaraki burst out in laughter standing up to ruffle Shi’s hair. “Very good!” he praised picking her carefully up. “Next time aim a little higher.” 

... 

Later in the evening after you had returned from shopping you expected to be berated by Shigaraki for being out to long but instead were left alone. Pleasantly surprised you retired to the bar reading one of your books when you noticed Shi and her father whispering to one another for a suspicious amount of time. You snuck a glance at them every now and then. It was very rare for him to interact with her so much. 

Breaking their secret meeting Shi wobbled over to you with a smile as bright as the sun. 

“Hi mommy” she said attempting to grapple up the stool to the right of you. “Hi Shi” you replied setting the book you had attempted to read down on the bar top. You reached your arms out to grab her and lift her up but were beat when Shigaraki picked her up with two pinkies in the air and placed her on top of the stool. You smiled at her as she situated herself, resting her head on her arms with a big yawn. Her eyes drooped and you could tell she was fighting off a powerful wave of sleep. It was a little past her bedtime. Normally Tomura was so strict about bedtime but today he didn’t seem bothered by her presence as he normally did. 

“How was today?” you asked mimicking her position feeling a finger run gently down your spine it’s owner retiring next to you, unmasking himself. Ephemerally you looked at him puzzled. “He sure is in a good mood today’ you thought becoming instantly reluctant about the situation. “Good. I got Nomu!” Shi exclaimed tiredly.

You turned your attention back to her lovingly brushing a few stray strands of hair behind her ears. “You got a Nomu?” you questioned looking to Kurogiri for some sort of explanation who only looked back at you exhausted.  ‘Great’ you thought. “Yep!” Shi said happily. “Daddy give it!” You clicked your tongue and sat up resting your eyes on your handsome boyfriend who only beamed proudly.

A chuckle slipped past your lips. “He did huh? I’m sure that is going to be very fun for the two of you especially when daddy gets to clean up whatever mess you and the Nomu make.” Shigaraki grunted at your words not liking the sound of that. 

[agentbarton12]

Sticky Business

AN: and here we have it folks! ive been putting off posting this cause im lAzY but i finally did. most of the chapters are already done so updates will vary. this is a post homecoming fic btw

masterlist | series masterlist

CHAPTER ONE

Ah, New York. A beautiful place, truly it is. Amidst all the commotion and flying aliens and mutants, I always manage to find some sense of calm. Be it the rhythm of the car horns beeping, or the occasional yelling of an angry passer-by, there was always something to be seen, to be captured, which is why I found myself situated on the roof of our apartment building, against my mother’s wishes.

I am not a rebellious child, truly I’m not. But when I believe strongly in my opinion and a figure of authority happens to contradict said opinion, you best be sure that I am going to stand for my beliefs. If it means a few days of detention, I couldn’t care less. I actually don’t care. I have never been to detention — well I have never been sent to detention, but I make my occasional visits to the hollowed out and depressing classroom — and I know that it is because my teachers are afraid that I will say something about the social injustice of how I am not allowed express my opinions without getting reprimanded because it does not conform to the way they want me to think. Or something like that.

So, there I was, sitting on the roof of our janky old apartment building, sketching the dumb corner that blocked me from seeing anything. Even at this height, I was never able to see around or over that dumb corner. It’s not like I was expecting something to pop and surprise me, I lived in a pretty boring part of Queens, so I wasn’t looking for anything.

But then a man swinging through the alley caught my attention. Sounds went through my ears and a yelp of confusion caused me to lean forward a bit. Just slightly.

That’s when a flash of blue and red swung by me but came to a halt mid-swing and let of his webbing. Spider-Man. Queens very own vigilante.

He stopped short and stared at me on the roof. So, I guess I must’ve looked suspicious sitting on the railing of a roof with nothing but a notebook and pencil. I understand why anyone would be worried that I might do something irrational while I was up there. It made sense. But he just stood there on the ground without saying anything. I pretended to ignore him, and I continued sketching.

“You okay up there, Miss?” he asked tilting his head up to me.

I wasn’t expecting him to say anything. I thought he was just going to stand there until he made sure I was okay and then move on. No such luck.

“Yep. Just sketching,” I said back to him. I kind of shouted, but not really because I did not want to attract the attention of my mother.

He looked confused and glanced around him, looking for something. “What exactly has caught your attention?’

I snorted. He wasn’t wrong. There was absolutely nothing interesting to capture here. Where I was, it was just garbage can after garbage can. But there was something there. I just seemed to be the only one who could see it. “This is New York, Spidey! There’s inspiration everywhere.” And that was true.

I think he chuckled, I was too high up to really hear. “And what inspires — ”

“My purse!” a voice shrieked from somewhere nearby. Spider-Man held up a finger to indicate that he’ll be back and swung into action.

I craned my neck and watched as he disappeared around the corner. Once he was out of my sight, I went back to my sketch. My legs were dangling aimlessly over the railing and the sense of fear wasn’t kicking in. I guess it was because I wasn’t worried about falling because I’ve done this before.

Spider-Man came swinging back a few moments later. He stopped in the same place as before and gave me what I assumed was an apologetic look. I couldn’t tell with the mask and everything.

“I’m back.”

“So, you are.”

“Sorry about that,” he said, and I shrugged nonchalantly in response. He looked up for a moment, not at me, but he seemed to be thought. He snapped his finger like he got the answer to a question he had been stuck on. “I just remembered what we were talking about.”

I looked at him blankly. I was not looking to continue the conversation. I just wanted to sketch my corner in peace.

When I didn’t respond, he spoke again, “I believe I was asking what inspired you about an — ”

“ — MICHELLE!” Dang it. I visibly tensed up as my name sounded throughout the apartment.

My mother’s angry voice scared me enough to send me toppling over the railing and landing on the floor of the roof. No sound escaped my lips, I made sure of it. I silently cursed and got up. I quickly grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

“MICHELLE! I swear if you are on that roof again!” My mother yelled from the terrace of our apartment. I knew she couldn’t see me, but it felt like she could, so I quickly and quietly slipped through the door and started heading down the stairs. I stopped for a moment when I heard my mother yelp.

“Spider-Man? What are you doing here?” she asked. Good question. Why was he still there?

My mother never gave him time to answer though, she just ploughed on with the questions. “Are you here to help Miss Crux? Did she misplace her keys again? Poor soul, she loses them almost every day.”

“Oh no. I was just passing through. But if you could be so kind and check on her for me, that would be great.”

“Sure...um, okay.”

I thought the conversation was over, so I continued down the stairs.

“Uh, Spider-Man, you wouldn’t have happened to see my daughter up on the roof? Dark, curly hair, brown skin? Nose in a book?”

I froze in my step. If Spider-Man rats me out, I’ll be grounded for a week. (Not like I have anywhere to go, it’s just the thought that is chilling.)

I waited for the blow to come, but it never did. Instead I heard him say, “Oh no, I haven’t. Sorry.”

I let out a sigh of relief and ran down the stairs quickly. I jumped the last few and ran to our apartment.

“Michelle!” my mom screamed. “I want you here right now. Miche — ”

I opened the door and was in the kitchen before my mother got back from the terrace. “I’m here. Relax.”

She gave me her don’t mess with me look. “Where were you?”

I shrugged. “I was visiting Mr Torres downstairs because I know how lonely he gets during the afternoons and I thought he could use some help. It has been a while since we visited him, y’know,” I lied partly. We really hadn’t seen him in a couple of months.

My mother thought for a while then let out a sigh. “Sorry,” she said. “I thought you were on the roof.”

“When I know you don’t want me there? I would never.” I said with mock shock.

She rolled her eyes at me. I could tell she believed me. She wouldn’t have apologised otherwise.

“You need to tell me when you leave, Michelle. Tehy could be watching and they might see you and—”

“—I know, Mom. I know. Stop worrying, no one saw me.” Except Spider-Man, I thought to myself. Speaking of which…

I leaned over the kitchen counter and put my bag on the table. “Who were you talking to?” I asked, acting oblivious.

She looked hummed in confusion. “What?”

“On my way up, I thought I heard you talking to someone. Who was it?”

“Oh, no one.” She tried to brush it off, but I’m better at that than she is. I gave her a look that showed I was not buying any of it. She sighed in defeat. “I was just talking to Spider-Man.”

I snorted. Staying in character. “Eww. You were flirting with Spider-Man? You do realise that he could be a seventy-year-old under there, right?”

She rolled her eyes at me again. “It wasn’t flirting, it was just friendly conversation.”

I scrunched my nose in distaste and rolled my eyes, moving into an upright position. “Still gross.”

As if something occurred to her, she moved to her room and came back with her bag. “You reminded me. I need to check on someone.”

She gave me a kiss before leaving the apartment. I had a feeling she was going to see Miss Crux. Look at her, being a good citizen, listening to Spider-Man. Good for her. (That was sarcasm, in case you didn’t notice.)

I grabbed myself a slice of bread and buttered it. I poured some juice and grabbed the jam from the fridge. I ate in silence.

I was surprised when my mother agreed to check on Miss Crux. She’s never been one to…follow authority. I had assumed she was just saying she would do it but was actually going to lounge on the sofa with a cup of coffee. But when she actually walked out of the apartment and sounds of high-pitched laughter came from Miss Crux’s apartment next door, I was completely baffled as to why my mom did it.

I’m not saying she’s a bad person, she’s not, but she’s not the best in the world. She’s done some things and I think she feels bad about them, I don’t know seeing as she never talks about them. She’s moved on, I guess, from that life. I wouldn’t know. I can only hope that she has.

I cleared away everything I had used and washed my dishes. Even though my mom was feeling like the Good Samaritan today, didn’t mean that she won’t lash out on me as soon as she finds dirty dishes in the sink.

Once all that was done, I decided that I was going to visit Mr Torres — for real this time.

I stepped out and locked the door, slipping the key in my back pocket. I knew my mom had a spare and I just hoped that she hadn’t left it in the apartment. I shrugged the thought off and continued down the stairs.

Mr Torres lives in the apartment below ours and there was a time when my mom and I would constantly visit him, but when time and reality kicked us both in the butt, majority of the things we did together came to a halt.

Was this halt sudden? No, it wasn’t. Was it expected? After a while, yes. There was a time when I stopped inviting my mom to school stuff because I knew she wouldn’t be able to make it. She stopped inviting me to Take Your Kid to Work Day, because I always had homework to do or a book to read or something else. It never occurred to me that maybe we were just avoiding each other. Avoiding the awkward and emotional conversation that would leave us both bawling our eyes out.

We’ve never been those to wear our emotions proud for everyone to see — it’s one of the things we have in common — which is why I think we’ve been avoiding the conversation. It would lead to us openly discussing our feelings. Eww.

I didn’t realise that I had reached Mr Torres’ door. I shook myself off. I raised my hand to knocked on the door but stopped midway. I wasn’t afraid of him. I just didn’t know how he would act, you know having someone be there then disappear without so much as a warning and then poof! magically reappear. It made me feel like dirt.

When I finally knocked on the door, and heard a faint, “Who is it?” I took a deep breath in.

“It’s Michelle. Michelle Jones? Jo’s daughter. I stay upstairs and — ”

The door opened. In all my rambling, I didn’t notice the shuffling going on, on the other side of the door. Mr Torres greeted me with a smile and I gave him a lame one in return — tight-lipped, slightly forced and lopsided — noting that he probably didn’t notice it.

His smile never faltered, even as he ushered me in, even though I knew my way around, I allowed him to lead me. He gestured for me to sit down in the general direction of the chairs. I didn’t sit. I watched as he felt his way around looking for his arm chair, and only sat myself when I knew he was seated. I sat down.

He looked over to where he thought I was, and I shifted in my seat a little just to be in his line of vision. “It’s so good to see you again.”

That stung. I’m not sure if he was saying it out of habit or if he was making a joke or if he thought I forgot about his condition, that made me stiffen and suck in a breath. He must’ve noticed, because he let out a hearty chuckle and tapped his belly. “Only playing, Michelle.”

I nodded knowing full well he couldn’t see me.

Mr Torres was blind. Or visually impaired if you want to beat around the bush. I don’t know for how long, I never asked him. Thought that would be personal and emotional and…feelings. I assume he wasn’t born blind, because he seems to have memorized the layout of his apartment pretty well, seeing as he can get around without a cane.

“Can I help you with something, Michelle?”

It just then dawned on me how quiet I was being. Usually when I initiate a conversation, I know exactly what I want to talk about and I steer the conversation in that direction. But coming down here had been a spur of the moment decision. I had no time to think of what I would say, or do once I got here, and Mr Torres’ unintentional guilt tripping wasn’t making it any easier for me.

I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. “I-uh…I just wanted to talk. It’s been a while and I thought we could catch up.”

His eyes lit up (if that’s even possible) and he gave me an infectious smile. I smiled back even though he couldn’t see it. “I’d like that.”

And so, we talked. He told me about his nieces and nephews, about this lady who visits almost every week to check up on him. About everything I missed out on. And I told him about AcaDec, about how I was named captain and how I might have friends.

He never once asks about why my mom and I stopped visiting and I’m very glad for it because I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it. He seemed to understand because anytime the conversation was headed in that direction, he subtly steered it away. I guess he knew that I’d talk to him about it when I was ready to.

| next |

[blondecarfucker]

Bed of Roses (1988 Special)

Roger Taylor x Reader BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: so this is not even a real chapter??? i mean, it doesn't have a number - it's really a reallll epilogue, you really get to know what happen in the eleven years that follow the end of the story. this wasn't really on my outline - i just kept thinking about the characters cause theyre SO CUTE and DESERVE THE BEST and im an absolute softie so i couldnt help but write this. its probably a bit messy cause im tired atm but im happy i wrote this and i want to share it with you guys already. im curious to know what you guys think about it! - also, just making it clear, there's no story for a sequel, so there's no sequel coming. just so you guys know. thanks again for stopping by and reading my story and being AMAZING. im a bit rusty i guess so sorry about the size of the chapter

Words: around 2.8k

1988

You heard Roger hitting the drums as you opened the studio door.

"Hey, Y/N", Freddie said, coming to hug you. "It's your man recording", he told you, and you nodded.

"I see", you answer, and Jim comes closer to Freddie and says hello to you. You really like the way they feel at ease with each other - it just looks natural. It's been long ever since you saw Freddie so peaceful.

But Roger soon showed up in your field of vision, having just left the recording booth. "Babe, it's so good to see you", he said, hugging you by the waist. "Good seeing you too, Rog. What are you guys recording?, you ask, and Deacy answers.

"It's 'Rain Must Fall', just wrote it with Freddie", he says, as Freddie listens to Roger's recording.

"It's still not right", he says, and Roger sighs. "Be right back", he tells you, going inside the booth.

Now that you're paying attention, you realize it's latin percussion. "This is really nice", you tell Freddie, and he smiles. "Thanks, darling. How's the museum? Did it fall apart after you spent a month away?", he asked, and you laughed.

"Actually, they've been holding up quite nicely", you say, referring to the period you've just spent with them in Montreux. "They're getting used to it, I suppose", and he nods.

You and Roger have been taking turns the last decade on who's gonna spend time along with the other, but now, after you've got your PhD and was promoted to Senior Curator, your job could be done without official office hours, so you've been following Roger around a bit more - which is nice, especially when he's in Montreux, such a calm place you thought about retiring there, in the future.

"And this outfit, too, I love it. You look like such a serious business woman" Jim said, pointing to your tailleur. "I have to look the part, Jim", you shrug, and Brian laughs. "I miss your yellow Chuck Taylors days, Y/N", he says, and you laugh. "These shoes are killing me, so I do, too", you tell him.

"I won't invite you to dance, then", Freddie said, and you frowned. "Please do, Freddie. You know how I love these latin inspired songs of yours", you pouted, and Freddie laughed, extending a hand to you.

You could feel Roger's eyes watching you through the glass as you danced with Freddie. Rain Must Fall reminded you of Cool Cat, and even though the Hot Space days, in 1981 were complicated, it reminded you of an afternoon with Roger on a yacht on Lake Geneva, the two of you drinking mimosas and sunbathing as Montreux glimmed under the Riviera sun.

"God, I hate this fucking song", Roger said, sipping on his mimosa.

"It's not the best", you agreed, and he laughed.

"This fucking album, I swear to God. If it wasn't for you here, I would've dropped this", he said, and you got up to prepare another mimosa for you.

"Don't say that, Rog. You wouldn't drop the band", you said, and he sighed.

"You're right. But I would drop this album, though. This song, even - I didn't take part in anything regarding the production. I just watched, like you watch a car crash", he says, and it's your turn to laugh.

"You're so dramatic", you tell him, mixing the orange juice and the champagne. "But seriously, babe. Do you even like the songs we're making now?", he asks, and you take a sip of your drink.

"I like Under Pressure", you say, and you're happy to see his face lighten up as he laughs. "Of course you do. I'm impressed you didn't ask Bowie for an autograph yet", he said, and you laugh along. "I have to stop myself from fangirling every time he's around, you know. It's pretty hard, but I do my best not to embarass you", you told him, sitting by his side.

His sun kissed skin made his eyes even brighter than usual - like lapis lazuli on bronze.

"Like I try not to embarrass you by looking stupid when we're on one of your fancy dinners?", he asks, hugging you by the side. "Exactly", you told him, pressing a quick kiss on his lips. He tasted like orange.

As you now kept dancing with Freddie, Jim pulled Deacy for a dance too, and eventually everyone was dancing to Roger's percussion. Each had a different level of success, and you were trying to help Brian when Roger finished his part.

It made you happy to have moments like this. After A Kind Of Magic, in 1986, the band was fighting constantly - it made you sad to see such thing. Roger even created a side band, The Cross, and he worked with them for a while before reuniting with Queen for this new album.

You were always a huge fan of his solo work, but you never connected with The Cross - and you felt like he didn't, either. They never really challenged him, and anything only gets better after receiving honest feedback.

But now Freddie wanted to produce again with the rest of the band - as much as they could, non-stop. They wouldn't even tour after this album, The Miracle. You felt like Roger knew exactly why these changes happened, but he didn't share them with you. You didn't really mind - it was not only his privacy, but the privacy of the rest of the band members. The fact that he was trustworthy enough to keep his friend's reasoning behind a polemic decision private only made you love him more.

"Babe", Roger called, walking over to you. You hugged him, his known smell now more refined, cologne mixed with the patchouli and substituting the cigarette smoke - you both quitted smoking, since you heard it could be harmful for little ones.

"The kids are with their nanny, right?" Rog asked you, and you nodded.

It was 1982 when you realized you couldn't keep your breakfast - you vomited every morning, almost religiously, twenty minutes after you ate.

Roger was immediately concerned on the phone - you spent two weeks in Mexico for work, and it was only when Roger spent a weekend there at the end of your trip that he told you not to drink the tap water. So you were both convinced you had some parasite, and Roger took you to a doctor - he liked to spend time with you when you were both in London, even in boring activities, since you still lived in separate flats, always trying to take it slow - even though you felt like a teenager when you had to pack to stay a weekend at your boyfriend's house - and you considered talking to Roger about moving in together again.

The doctor soon realized there were no parasites inside you, but there was a baby - a 3 months old little boy, in fact, as the doctor confirmed after taking you two to the ultrasound room.

You could never forget Roger's face once he understood what the doctor told the two of you. He was going to be a father.

But the realization that you were going to be a mother took a little longer to hit you. It was only when you heard the baby's heartbeat that you really understood what was going on inside you - a baby. Your baby. Roger's baby.

Proof that you were together, proof that you belonged to each other, that you loved each other.

"This is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard", Roger told you, and you smiled in agreement.

Nine months later, Apollo was born.

You agreed on Apollo because you always thought about how Roger reminded you of Apollo, and it did remind you of New York, too - the Apollo Theater was a landmark only a couple dozens streets above the apartment you grew up in.

But Apollo was much more like you than he was like his dad. He inherited his dad's dirty blonde curls, but his eyes were just like yours, and so was his personality - he was very determined, liked to be alone, and a full blown nerd. He taught himself to read when he was four, and now, at age 6, he liked to read The Hobbit by himself.

He didn't speak with an English accent, oddly enough, even though he was raised in London - he spoke water like his dad, but copied your accent in every other word.

Roger would hold him and hug him and always spend time with "his little guy", always telling him how proud he is to be the father of a genius, and Apollo's cheeks would be flushed pink, just like yours did when Roger told you how smart you are.

When Apollo was born, you both agreed to move in together into a big family home, but you filled the walls with artwork and tapestry, and Roger made sure there was always good music playing - it didn't feel like you were abandoning your old selves to become parents; it felt like a natural step.

And for financial reasons - mostly to protect Apollo and to make taxes easier - you and Roger decided to get married. He tried to play the practical part, reaffirming marriage was just a title and the two of you were way beyond that, but you knew, deep down, that he was incredibly happy to get on his knees and propose.

It was a simple ceremony in 1984 - close friends and family under the hawaiian sunset, the Lana'i Island's atmosphere made you feel like you were in a dream. With a simple cotton white dress, you reunited with Roger - in a half open, white cotton button up - in front of a licensed marriage performer, and you became Ms Taylor.

Roger used any excuse to call you Ms Taylor, savoring the name on his tongue just like he did with your lips on honeymoon.

Apollo was 2, and stayed with his grandparents for a week as the two of you enjoyed your honeymoon on paradise. "It's funny how this is like, the millionth time I feel like I'm on honeymoon with you", you tell Roger, and he pouts. "If you consider honeymoon everytime we go somewhere amazing alone and keep fucking like teenagers, then yeah. But this is special. This feels more… I don't know. Official", he said, and you agreed.

And all that young love had a result - you soon found out you got pregnant again after a routine blood test. Roger was, again, the happiest man on Earth.

You felt calmer this time around - a kid and responsibilities didn't ruin your relationship with Roger the first time around, and you were actually pretty good parents.

So when Live Aid came about, you were huge - you enjoyed the many performances, but when Queen was onstage, it felt different. You could remember when, almost fifteen years ago, you saw these guys broke, rehearsing and travelling around in a van.

Now they were here, and in a day filled with performances from stars, they shined the brightest.

You don't know if it was all the emotions you felt watching them, but once you finally got home, the sun about to rise - Apollo long asleep - you sat down to prepare a warm bath for the two of you, but you felt something warm running down your legs. Your water broke.

You and Roger ran to the Hospital, and after a few hours, Artemis was born.

She screamed, not cried, once she first looked at you and Roger, almost annoyed - like she was sad she missed the show.

Artemis was a logical name choice - Apollo's twin in greek mythology - but the kid also got her strong will. She looked just like her father, big, round blue eyes and pink, full lips soon learned to express what she desired and complained when things seemed wrong in her perspective.

At the early age of three and with a reduced vocabulary, she convinced the two of you to get the smallest drum set you could find, and she tried to repeat her fathers movements on it, still too small for her tiny kit, but proud of the loud noises she made, hitting it recklessly.

Roger looked at it as if he was seeing a miracle.

The kids were raised primarily in London, but they spent some time in Montreux, when the band was recording, under their father's care, or on tour when you could stay with them - tour made the kids so confused about their whereabouts that it needed a conjoined effort - but now that the band was recording in London with no plans for long periods away, it was going to be interesting.

Apollo was just getting started in school, and soon it would be Artemis turn. They still had no dimension of their fathers - or their "uncles" - importance, but you and Roger talked about this, waiting for the day you'd have to explain your life for the kids, who you were before you were their parents.

You wondered if Apollo would think back on the time he went to dad's work and he was dressed as a woman - he couldn't recognize Roger when he was Rogerina while recording the video for I Want To Break Free until he took his wig off.

It was a better reaction than John's kids had, screaming in fear of the old, scary and tall lady that tried to pick them up.

The latest video recording was incredibly sweet, actually - it was for The Miracle, the single, and the band was going to be interpreted by 11 year olds. The kid that played Freddie was absolutely brilliant, mimicking all of his signature moves.

But it was the kid that played Roger who stole your heart.

As you watched the tiny Rog rehearse, you couldn't help but imagine Artemis hitting her drums - maybe in a few years, she'd be able to actually play something.

You also thought about Apollo, how he'd look like an even younger version of Roger if he was sitting on the stool, bouncing his curls and pouting in concentration.

You really loved the life you lived now, and when you looked back to all the drama that went between you and Roger so you could get here - two happy, fully realized people; and two great parents - you'd do it all again.

You kept thinking about it as the kid rehearsed Roger's part in the song, until you felt a familiar smell fill the air around you, and an arm snaking around your waist.

"Hello, beautiful stranger. Are you lost?", Roger whispered, his husky voice still able to give you chills.

"I am, actually. I can't find my husband, and I came here just to see him before work", you said.

"How did he get so lucky to have you?", he asks, and you turn around to kiss him.

"Actually, I'm his good luck charm", you say, pulling him closer to you.

He was ready for the shoot, so you felt bad when you broke the kiss and realized you transfered part of your lipstick to his lips.

"Shit, your makeup artist is going to kill me", you say, trying to wipe it away.

"It's fine", he says, kissing you again. "So I'm picking Apollo from school today, right?", he confirmed, and you nodded. It would always amaze you how you found your own level of responsibility, of the feared and dreaded domesticity, without losing the passion you had for each other. Taking it slow.

But now, back in the studio, you said goodbye to everyone, and followed Roger to a limo.

You always had your nights out - nights where you'd stay in a fancy hotel room just for the sake of being together in different ambiances. You two learned from your trip to Paris how it makes you more in love with each other, the new place making you fonder of what you know and love - in your case, Roger.

So when he popped open a bottle of champagne while you undressed, and once you were only in your lingerie, Roger took his own shirt off, knowing to pass it to you - a ritual, really.

You both went out, relaxed and comfortable, and enjoyed the view.

The Thames was below you, and you could see the entire city - if you tried, you could point where the bar you first met was, and Kensington Marked, and the first flat you shared. London was a huge part of your story.

"Let's make a toast", Roger said, and you nodded. "To what?", you asked, but you knew the answer.

You've been together for almost twenty years, now, so it's normal for you to know what to expect from Roger. But it doesn't feel boring - it feels like home.

"Us", he says.

-

Taglist: 

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @brianandthemays @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife @notevenlxvely @discodeakyy @x1975sos @16wiishes @jennycidesstuff @partydulce @melros-e @onevisionliz

[michaelmyersmalewife]

LEVIATHAN | 15. Epilogue | MASTERLIST

words: 3k+

A/N: and there it is :') im still in shock that the second ever fic i finished is fuxjcking about godzilla of all things (and clocking in at about 80k+ words in total, it’s the longest thing ive written so that’s fitting i guess) but ngl, i had the most fun writing it and i actually felt motivated and even excited to start a new chapter ?? and it feels almost a little weird to see it end; anyway, it always feels nice to finish a project ur passionate about, no matter how self indulgent it is

you can also support this fic on wattpad & ao3

Jodie adjusted the mic on Dr. Graham's blazer.

It had been a long time since she had seen her so nervous, not since the mass awakening. But she couldn't blame her. She tried giving her a reassuring smile, but the woman was staring just past her shoulder, at the wall behind them.

"Uh, Dr. Graham?" Coleman cleared his throat as his head peeked through the door. "You're on in about in a minute."

Vivienne snapped to attention almost immediately, and Jodie stepped away. The doctor wrung her hands as she took a deep breath, taking a tentative step towards the door.

It was a big day, one that could potentially take a step toward mending Monarch's relations with the government and the public alike. Or, it could just make it worse. Jodie already felt her heart thunder in her chest, the start of a headache forming in the back of her head. She had suspected the oncoming barrage of conferences and hearings and the like after Boston, but she didn't think it would happen this soon.

"You got this, Viv." she punctuated with a thumbs-up.

The smallest of smiles appeared on her face before she turned away. Taking a deep breath, Dr. Graham stepped through the door, and in the brief moment before it closed Jodie could see the flashing of camera lights illuminate her form. Now, all she could do was wait.

Sitting down at one of the tables in the small, rectangular room, she pulled out her tablet from her bag. Things had been so hectic - what with being tasked with co-running the Monarch archive that Sam had created - that she barely had any time to catch up with her usual journalistic endeavors. She scrolled through the influx of newsletters that had flooded her inbox over the past couple weeks. It was odd, suddenly seeing 'deforestation halts across the globe', '14th species to be taken off the endangered list', and 'coral reefs restored' among other things. The general public was still unsure about titans as a whole, but their importance was undeniable.

Suddenly, she could hear Vivienne's muffled voice from just beyond the door.

"The Rise of the Titans was an unspeakable tragedy, one that we may never truly recover from. And while we've done all we can to track and contain the ones that were released, we have confirmed that they've begun to retreat to their natural habitats on their own. But it seems that is only the beginning. We believe that there are more titans to be discovered, ones that Ghidorah's call was not able to reach."

There was a massive uproar after that, but Jodie drowned them out. Or, tried to at least. Just then, a notification popped up at the top of the tablet's screen. It was a video call - from China's Yunnan Province. Opening it without hesitation, a livestream filled the screen.

It was Gill. Jodie had been waiting in anticipation for the stream to start, as she was just as excited as the rest of the expedition team for the trek into Mothra's temple. Though, Gill probably had her beat in that aspect.

The feed crackled every now and then, the soft fuzz of radiation seeping through the camera. It was dimly lit, but a fair amount of what looked like a tunnel was illuminated by a handful flashlight beams. It looked like they were walking down a spiral staircase, if those stairs had been carved straight out of the earth. Every now and then they would pass by tall, wide pillars. Just ahead of Gill's point of view were two figures leading the expedition.

In the background, just behind the door, the rabble died down and Graham continued with her speech.

"Which is why Monarch is currently developing a more effective means of dealing with the titans that will potentially..inevitably..wake in the coming years. More effective than our current containment facilities. Now, these plans are still in early development but we will make sure to provide you with regular updates as the project progresses. Which leads me to our next point,"

They had been walking for a while now. And every now and then someone would speak, but their voices would be difficult to make out. Just how far down had they gone?

Suddenly, the static on the camera spiked, filling the screen for a brief second before stabilizing. The feed was still fuzzy, but Jodie could tell they had entered a large chamber. As the flashlights fanned out, Gill's camera swept through the chamber.

There was a raised dais in the center of the room, and on either side were impossibly massive statues. They were identical, and they both depicted women standing almost protectively, their arms splayed out, pointing to something between them. Something massive.

Gill and the two figures that had remained ahead of her approached the object, while the others continued inspecting the rest of the room. One of the figures turned around, looking at Gill with raised eyebrows. It was Chen, and it wasn't too out of the question to assume the person by her side was her sister Ling.

They both pointed their flashlights at the object.

"As of now, Monarch will be operating with full transparency. In accordance with the United Nations, 60 years worth of our documentation regarding titans will be freely available to the public. And with each new discovery, there will be no more secrets. No more hiding. In a post-Godzilla world our mission was to provide a means of defense against every titan we uncovered. And now we believe that staying informed is the greatest defense of all."

Gill's camera was facing downward now, glancing at the EKG monitor in her hand. It was steady, but every other few seconds she could hear the beep of a heartbeat. The object on the massive platform was alive. Jodie felt a wave of chills rush down her spine.

Gill and the twins focused their flashlights onto the object, condensing into one beam. Jodie suppressed a gasp as she realized what the object was.

It was an egg, a giant egg about the size of two buses stacked on top of each other. It was a dull blue and yellow, with light white-ish spots accenting the striped pattern. She heard Gill laugh, unbelieving of the find. She turned to face the twins, and they had each lay a hand on the egg, staring up at it with the lightest of smiles on their faces.

Covering her bases, Jodie thought to herself. She couldn't help but smile along with them.

"We hope that with this new development, we can navigate this new era not just together, but with the titans as well."

_____

Darkness.

She couldn't tell if the void she was in was the size of a crawlspace or the entire universe. But what she did know was that it was pitch black, and it was cold.

She took a step forward, but found that she was frozen. She tried to wriggle her fingers, kick her legs, anything that would allow her the slightest of movement, but it was all futile. Elena could do nothing but silently scream into the abyss, the deafening silence threatening to push at the fabric of her mind.

She was about ready to give up her struggle until she heard it. The laughter.

That same lilting cackle.

It kept echoing throughout the space, three separate sounds melting into something so loud she thought her eardrums would pop. She wasn't sure if she was screaming or sobbing, but she had to find a way out.

Get out get out stop laughing let me OUT -

Elena shot up in bed, eyes wide and tear stains trailing down her cheeks. That was the third time that month where she had "The Dream", as she had been referring to it as. With a shaky hand, she wiped the drying trails away with her palms, quietly looking around her room. It was cold, and the blanket was so warm, but yet she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, brows creasing in annoyance as she reached for the alarm that blared in her ears.

She lay there in the stiff bed for a moment, face half-buried in her pillow as she stared ahead in the dimly lit room. There was an ache in her bones that had never quite left her since the battle of Boston, and some days it wasn't anything more than a dull stiffness that would soon fade as the day went on. But there were others where it spread anywhere it could reach, seeping into her limbs and leaving her wanting to never get out of bed again. Today was one of those days.

For all its inconveniences, she couldn't hate the feeling - not completely. She liked to think of it as proof that she was alive. But that didn't mean it wasn't a bitch to deal with.

Eventually, she knew she would have to drag herself up and out unless she wanted someone knocking at her door, so she did. Swinging her legs over the mattress, she pushed herself up, shuffling to the bathroom. Brushing her teeth, the lukewarm water hitting her face in the shower - it all felt hazy through the sheet of grogginess that still clouded her mind. It wasn't until she looked at the time while getting dressed that she finally snapped back to reality.

Grumbling to herself, she shot out into the hall of Castle Bravo's living quarters, messily tying her hair back in a ponytail as she walked.

It wouldn't have taken her so long to reach the command center had she not decided to stop by the mess hall, picking up a cold bagel and a cup of black coffee. Discreetly popping a painkiller in her mouth, she took a swig out of the cup, walking over to the figures standing in front of an array of controls.

"Well, it's about time." Dr. Stanton said, glancing over his shoulder before returning to his screen, staring intently at the steady beeping that came from the monitor. "Tall, dark, and atomic over here isn't the most patient of lizards, you know."

Elena made no comment save for a roll of the eyes as she ambled over to the front of the room, approaching the wide window that took up half of the wall. Godzilla was just on the other side, multiple drones flagging him like remoras with their floodlights trained on his form. He didn't look particularly upset, but he didn't look too happy either. It was hard to tell with him sometimes. But he seemed to be in a good mood nonetheless, or about as good a mood as the newly crowned "king" could be. But that was likely due in part to the minuscule figure just ahead of her.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor was Madison.

She looked up, giving her a quick wave and a small smile. Elena gave her a friendly nod, crossing her arms and trying not to look directly at the titan as she leaned against the window. Elena wasn't too keen on being around the titan even now, but the child had insisted she be there to 'send him off'.

"Am I interrupting?" she asked.

The girl shook her head. "Nah, he's gonna leave in a little while anyway."

She nearly sighed from relief. "Busy schedule, huh?"

"I guess," Madison shrugged. "Says he's got somewhere to be."

Not too far away from them was a large, mobile screen. Hooked up to it with a handful of thick wires was a familiar device. The ORCA 2.0's soft humming thrummed throughout the control room as a series of words appeared on the screen.

> YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO CASUAL

Madison snorted. "I'm sure whatever you need to do isn't as dramatic as you say it is."

> IF ALL GOES WELL

> THEN HOPEFULLY IT WON'T BE

Elena slightly raised a brow, but she decided not to ask any questions. Since Boston, her fear of the lizard had significantly faded, but she still found herself on edge whenever she was around him, no matter how much Madison reassured her.

"You won't be gone long, right?"

> YOU WORRY TOO MUCH

> TINY SPEAKER

Madison grinned sheepishly at the comment. Smiles like those were rare for her. From her mother's detainment to her father insisting she be given a "proper" education outside of Monarch's programs, Elena suspected the time she spent using the new and improved ORCA were moments of relief. It almost reminded her of..her. Or at least a long lost version of herself.

In that moment, Godzilla's eyes wandered from the girl over to Elena. She felt herself stiffen, but the lizard himself didn't seem to notice. At least, he didn't make it obvious that he did. Instead he let out a snort, a trail of bubbles fluttering above him. Madison had tried coaxing her into talking to him, even to say a simple 'hello'. But she wasn't sure if she was ready, not yet.

> I'LL SEE YOU

> WHEN I SEE YOU

As he began to turn around, Madison waved him off. Elena simply watched, taking a bite out of the bagel still in her hand. With a strong whip of his tail, he shot away from the base. The drones around him returned to their stations, and the ORCA 2.0 quieted as its translation feed shut off automatically.

"Where did he say he was going anyway?" Elena asked as she watched the titan disappear into the blue.

Madison stood up, smoothing out the jacket that had bunched up behind her. In a voice that was all too calm, she answered.

"Skull Island."

_____

Mateo led the men clad in black uniforms down the dimly lit corridor.

Despite their seemingly calm demeanor, they made him nervous, what with their heavy boots and steely gazes. None of them were talkers by any means, but that wasn't what made them seem..off. It was something in the way they acted, the way they spoke that unnerved him. It's not that they didn't act human, it's that they were trying too hard to be. That was especially true for the man that he assumed was their leader. Mateo had known people like him before, hungry for power no matter the cost. He didn't ask many questions, for at this point he just wanted their deal to be over and done with. Despite how uneasy they made him, he couldn't back out now. They were the ones that had approached him, after all.

And even if he could refuse them, it wouldn't have made much of a difference. The world had been changed forever. Much of his family and friends were either dead or scattered around the world due to the mass evacuations held just mere months before. He hated remembering it, how he could have been there for his family.

He had happened to be out at sea when Rodan woke from his slumber deep beneath the island's volcano, and he had been near enough to witness the drop of a bomb that left the waters lifeless. And during Ghidorah's storm, he had managed to make it to shelter. When it was all over, not many of his old relations were left. But he still had his boat and his fishing gear, even though they hadn't served much of a purpose since then. The island's seas were barren, and all the fish that had been killed during the bomb were poisoned.

But somehow, luck had been with him. He had made a good catch, and the strange men had come to pay him for it. Or they would just kill him and take it without a word.

They didn't look like any of the military folk he had ever seen, but they had a similar air to them. And in his experience, that usually did not bode well. But he had run out of choices, and he couldn't do much other than continue to lead them further down the warehouse.

"It's a brave new world, my friend." he told the leader with the calmest tone he could manage. "Such things as this have become much more valuable since the rise of the king."

The leader said nothing. Mateo swallowed nervously.

"Took nine fishing boats to raise it," he continued. "My men, they don't ask for much. Just enough to help their families."

Finally, he saw the entrance to the room where their prize lay.

"Can't fish here anymore..everything's dead."

As they reached the open warehouse space, he saw his men waiting to the side. They all seemed just as uneasy as him. But not because of the swarm of men behind him, but by the source of the stench of death that permeated throughout the room.

He flipped on the lights, and prayed that it was what they were looking for. His coworkers stepped away from it, recoiling as if it could strike them at any moment.

Even in death, covered in seaweed and barnacles, his once golden scales dulled by decay, Ghidorah's head was still terrifying. He had seen it happen, when Godzilla tore it off with his bare teeth and dropped it in the sea just before the bomb hit. He didn't have the slightest idea as to why these strangers payed him and his men to fish it out, but he knew - vaguely - how much titan parts ran on the market. He refused to dabble in that sort of thing, as something about it made him feel wrong. But evidently, whatever they were planning to do with it, the leader had no such qualms.

The leader stepped into the light, walking so close that he was able to touch the creature. As the white-haired man placed a hand on its slimy, rotting flesh, he stared up at it with an unsettling expression. His eyes were as placid as a lake, almost expressionless, and yet he was smiling. But there was nothing denoting happiness in that smile. It was the sort that his father used to call la sonrisa del diablo.

For the first time since his arrival, the man spoke.

"We'll take it."

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing 6-12 January 2019

Here’s this week’s roundup!

Remember to give your content creators some love! And join in on the events at the bottom!

~Mod Hel

Fanfiction/Snippets/AU Ideas:

@disturbed02girl​

Postcard #18 https://disturbed02girl.tumblr.com/post/181956488665/postcard-18-heero-is-still-amused-by-duos

Heero is still amused by Duo’s adventures while he travels Earth.

@idkmybffflamingo​

A String of Moments https://archiveofourown.org/works/17381093

Trowa Barton/Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell/Quatre Raberba Winner/Heero Yuy

Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Humor, Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slice of Life, Preventers, Cooking, Pet Names, Duo Maxwell Swears A Lot, Missions Gone Wrong, Aftermath of Violence, Card Games, Oregon Trail, Quatre Raberba's Uchuu no Kokoro | Space Heart, Anxiety Attacks, Television Watching, Star Trek References, Sleeping Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, Romance, Polyamory

In the years beyond the Eve Wars, the former Gundam pilots have ultimately settled down into an intimate, cohesive unit. Life is a constant whirlwind of happenings, both good and bad, but through it all one thing is certain: no matter the stakes and whatever the challenge, they face it together.

Gundam Wing Holiday Gift Exchange 2018! Gift for @terrablaze514​

@lifeaftermeteor​

Saturday Snippet https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/181963976776/winner-family-compound-l4-v05001-26-december-210

Winner Family Compound

L4-V05001

26 December 210

@noirangetrois​

Snippet Saturday Monday https://noirangetrois.tumblr.com/post/181805037912/snippet-saturday-monday-ive-been-struggling-with

I’ve been struggling with the (many) fics I’m in the middle of, so of course when the writing bug finally bit me, it was for an entirely new fic I’ve been thinking about for a while, but hadn’t yet started to write. My first foray into 3x4, based on my own experiences going to Band Camp growing up. And yes, before you ask, I play the flute. Which works out, given Trowa.

WIP Wednesday https://noirangetrois.tumblr.com/post/181881723387/wip-wednesday

So, anyone remember my fic Of the Sea? The Little Mermaid adaptation with Duo as Ariel and Heero as the prince but with spies and intrigue and such? That I haven’t updated since May due to severe writer’s block? Well, I’ve finally made some progress, so here is a snippet from chapter 6!

Of the Sea (Ch. 6) https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749670/chapters/40950512

Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

otp, Yaoi, Eventual Smut, fairytale my way, Meroctopus!Dorothy, Aro!Trowa, more ships on the way, Slow Burn, Multi POV, POV Third Person Limited, merman au, Slash, MerMay, Fantasy Politics, mentions of abuse

Heero Yuy will soon be reaching the age of majority, at which time he will ascend the throne of Wingaria. Before that can happen, though, he must needs choose a bride. But what if there are no good choices? What if someone else has captured his heart?

At long last! I’ve finished another chapter! Woohoo! Hopefully someone will still be interested in a story that hasn’t been updated since last May… until now! An excerpt from this chapter:

They had known that Heero was looking for a bride, and that Mariemaia was one of the two frontrunners - the other being Relena Darlian. What they hadn’t known, however, was how very, very reluctant both Heero and Mariemaia were on the matter. Sure, they both said all the right things, showed the proper courtesies and etiquette, but it was glaringly obvious to Duo that if Heero chose Mariemaia, they would both be miserable. A formidable team, yes, but miserable.

And for some reason, Duo found himself hoping against hope that Heero would choose someone else. To be fair, the mer kingdoms were in agreement that an alliance between Wingaria and the Sanq Kingdom would be more advantageous for them - anything to prevent the chance that Dekim would break faith and allow the secret of the merfolk’s existence to get out - so Duo already had incentive to want a different bride for Heero. But now? Now he wanted it not just for the sake of merkind, but for Heero’s sake as well.

Because not only did Duo have access to the interplay amongst all the players here, he was getting to know Heero Yuy the person, not just Heero Yuy the Prince.

@softnocturne​

You Hold Our Hearts (Ch. 3) https://archiveofourown.org/works/16992327/chapters/40940870

Trowa Barton/Quatre Raberba Winner/Heero Yuy, Lucrezia Noin/Sally Po, Dorothy Catalonia/Relena Peacecraft, Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell

Quatre Raberba Winner, Trowa Barton, Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Lucrezia Noin, Sally Po, Dorothy Catalonia, Relena Peacecraft, Chang Wufei, Howard, Doctor J, Instructor O, Original Characters

Angst, Smut, Rape/Non-con Elements, Minor Character Death, Missing in Action

It's been a month and still no word about Trowa, until one night.

@vegalume​

The North Road http://vegalume.tumblr.com/post/181961315245/title-the-north-road-author-vega-lume-beta

Pairing 1+2

Cliché, thy name is Vel. Warning, tharr be sap and a smidgen of angst here.

After becoming stranded, Duo finds himself in to company of stranger who soon becomes more.

Gundam Wing Holiday Gift Exchange 2018! Gift for @dthjoey​

Fanart:

@b0mhat​

http://b0mhat.tumblr.com/post/181902104344

Relena Darlian/Peacecraft

@gundayum​

https://gundayum.tumblr.com/post/181945240991/doodles-first-ones-are-the-variants-of-duos-hair

Duo’s hair

https://gundayum.tumblr.com/post/181829172591/its-a-schbeiker-family-selfie-my-work-week-is?is_related_post=1#notes

Schbeiker Family Selfie

https://gundayum.tumblr.com/post/181918342621/ill-probably-go-back-in-a-day-or-so-and-make

Relena, Heero, Quatre, WuFei, Duo, & Trowa

@seitou​

http://seitou.tumblr.com/post/181890766590/alpha-beta-and-omega-the-first-to-the-last

Alpha, Beta, Omega - Heero Yuy

Photosets/Screenshots:

@moonlightsdreaming​

http://moonlightsdreaming.tumblr.com/post/181936363473/endless-favorite-manga-gundam-wing-glory-of-the

Relena - Glory of Losers

Chats/Discussions:

@anaranesindanarie​

https://anaranesindanarie.tumblr.com/post/181889205724/gundam-wing-a-thon

Rane’s commentary over a rewatch of Gundam Wing.

Quotes/Dialogues:

@incorrectgundamwingquotes​

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181761714069/relena-would-you-date-a-guy-thats-shorter-than

Relena, Dorothy, & Zechs

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181799138720/quatre-we-have-a-problem-duo-we-have-so-many

Quatre & Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181802087249/sometimes-life-can-be-pretty-good-original

Gif set from “Monsters and Knives” by Katherine Crane

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181820475008/duo-see-this-is-why-i-dont-leave-space-you

Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181826376775/trowa-you-cant-expect-me-to-stab-somebody-on-an

Trowa & Quatre

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181828006979/on-the-lunar-base-heero-if-you-two-can-manage

Heero, WuFei, & Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181831520206/wufei-sorry-i-wont-be-able-to-make-it-ive-got

WuFei & Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181845735522/this-has-been-haunting-duo-for-over-a-year-he

Quatre, Duo, & Heero

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181862437636/heero-bursting-into-the-room-duo-i-told-relena

Heero & Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181865683694/duo-quatre-is-a-sweetheart-you-know-what-he-does

Duo & Quatre

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181866214389/at-preventers-hq-wufei-did-you-have-sex-in

WuFei & Trowa

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181876223927/heero-tall-people-are-the-enemy-zechs-cant

Heero & Zechs

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181887048978/yes-relena-is-very-pretty-but-for-the-love-of

FT Relenas >_>

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181903956101/at-zechs-and-noins-wedding-relena-what-the

Relena, Heero, Duo, WuFei, & Quatre

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181914560287/trowa-i-love-you-quatre-i-love-you-more

Trowa & Quatre

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181930879194/trowa-you-dont-like-to-admit-it-but-if-anyone

Trowa, Heero, & Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181936024644/quatre-trowa-god-fucking-dammit-just-take

Quatre & Trowa

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181945213131/trowa-im-not-jealous-i-just-get-this-weird

Trowa & Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181957444745/heero-duo-idly-staring-down-at-heero-id-save

Heero & Duo

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181919777349/at-preventers-hq-heero-i-just-killed-a-roach

Heero & WuFei

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181962631398/duo-you-stupid-twink-trowa-im-a-bear-im-a

Duo & Trowa

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/181970855144/gw-girls-text-posts-vol-1

GW Girls Text Posts Vol. 1

@lemontrash​

https://lemontrash.tumblr.com/post/181866191459/incorrectgundamwingquotes-heero-angry

Heero, WuFei, Quatre, & Duo

A continuation from @incorrectgundamwingquotes​

@noirangetrois​

https://noirangetrois.tumblr.com/post/181847540037/honestly-the-best-part-about-baking-potatoes-is

Dorothy courtesy of @lemontrash​

MoodBoard/Aesthetics:

@softnocturne​

https://softnocturne.tumblr.com/post/181952329775/credit-images-from-weheartittumblr

3X4 Aesthetic

No Idea What To Put This Under:

@lemontrash​

https://lemontrash.tumblr.com/post/181948049974/radio-meteor-episode-2-the-gundam-named

Radio Meteor Episode 2

Calendar Events:

@gwcocktailfriday​

Cocktail Fridays!

Post responses on Friday, during Happy Hour between 3 & 5 pm in your own timezone.

Here’s the prompt for Friday January 18th! https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/post/181951147834/cocktail-friday-post-responses-on-friday-january

For those going to Pillowfort, find us here. https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/post/181733192168/for-those-transferring-their-focus-to-pillowfort

@our-summer-of-zechs​

Summer of Zechs 2019 Ideas https://our-summer-of-zechs.tumblr.com/post/181628092091/we-appear-to-still-be-up-and-running-folks

Come let us know how long this summer’s event should last!

What Month is it? https://our-summer-of-zechs.tumblr.com/post/181933097036/what-month-is-it

Come vote on a month for the event to be hosted in!

Summer of Zechs will start being run from This Week in Gundam Wing Events on pillowfort as well!

@thisweekingundamevents​

Gundam Wing Holiday Gift Exchange 2018!

Gift Master List! https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/181794816005/gundam-wing-holiday-gift-exchange-2018-master-post

GW Valentine’s Event 2019

https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/181866285330/gw-valentines-event-2019

Schedule:

Sunday January 13th - Saturday January 19th | “Sign-ups”

Sunday January 20th - Saturday February 9th | Make your thing(s)

Sunday February 10th - Saturday February 16th | Post your works

Here’s the Pillowfort discussion.

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (109/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Eight

2018

Ben & Jerry’s came out with a whole bunch of new flavors that were Avengers inspired. Peter found out when Ned texted him and MJ about it in a group text. Later, when he got home from school, he found out that not only were there new flavors, but that Ben & Jerry had gone ahead and sent them at the tower a few pints of each of the new flavors.

“This is amazing,” Peter said when he peered into the freezer. “Did you know this was happening?”

“Despite your metabolism, I don’t expect that eating all of it at once would be wise,” his dad said. “And no, I didn’t.”

“How long do you think they’ve been working on this?” Sam asked. He was leaning against one of the counters and already digging into a pint box of the A Hunka-Hulka-Burning Fudge. “Don’t they take years creating flavors?”

“Not sure. Don’t care,” Tony said and reached into the freezer to pull out Cap-ilicious Triple Berry.  “All I know is that apparently I’m not off dairy and that this is delicious.”

“I would have thought they’d do a more patriotic look to Cap’s ice cream,” Sam said.

Peter reached blindly for one of the containers so he wouldn’t have to make a choice and he saw his dad shrug as he took a bite of the Cap inspired ice cream. Peter had wound up with Stark Raving Hazelnuts which really was not all bad. It was certainly a nice thing to come home to. He took another bite and then took a picture of the ice cream to send to Ned.

“You know, I’m really glad we got a wedding planner,” Tony said as he looked through a few cake design options.

Steve who was in the middle of painting something laughed. “You mean, you’re glad Pepper got us a wedding planner even though this whole thing was supposed to be a small thing because Peter despite his excitement is still just a teenage boy that knows next to nothing about weddings.”

Tony shrugged. “Sure, what you said. But I’m still glad. Anyway, people like parties. And at this rate we just really have to make a few choices and then just show up. We can even leave early if you really want. What are you painting anyway?”

“The view,” Steve said and sure enough he was. Everything outside the window had been transferred to the canvas. It wasn’t exact -- more of an abstract, but that didn’t make it any less beautiful. Tony had never really understood art or even bothered to like it -- but that didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate everything that Steve created.

His art room had filled up with more and more art since Steve had finally focused on his hobby. He wasn’t obsessive, but he spent hours painting away or sketching. It kept him entertained and Tony was happy about it. He liked that Steve had something to do that was all his own. Tony also loved watching him do it -- the concentration that he put into his art was unlike anything else. In another lifetime, it was possible that Steve would have just become some artist that everyone admired.

Tony got up. “I’ll leave you to it. I have a bit of work to finish up in the lab.”

Steve nodded. Tony pressed a kiss to his temple and walked out of the room. He found Sam and Wanda watching some odd cartoon and then spotted Vision in the kitchen.

“Hey, Viz.”

Vision and Wanda spent a lot of time on their own on their floor but it wasn’t odd to find them up in the penthouse some days. What Tony found weird about it was that Vision seemed to be more and more human-like these days. He had started dressing like a regular person a long time ago but now he seemed to not mind changing his appearance to look human. It was a little strange.  

“A letter arrived for you,” Vision said.

“That’s odd,” Tony said. “We usually don’t get any mail sent up here.”

“It is possible someone brought it up and left it in the kitchen for you to find,” Vision said.

“Right,” Tony said but it all still sounded a bit odd.

Vision didn’t respond and he picked up the bowl of popcorn and went to join Wanda and Sam in the living room. The letter was in a manila envelope and Tony figured he’d take it with him, but his mind was already turning to the new designs he’d been working on. Natasha was already out of her house arrest unlike the rest of them and she’d been cleared to rejoin The Avengers officially. It also meant that she was free to do whatever Fury wanted from her and Tony wanted to give her the best gear to do that with.

The heater in the Spider-Man suit was one of the best things ever. It meant that Peter could actually patrol without feeling the brisk cold air. It had snowed a few days earlier and there was gray and dark dirty snow on the edges of most streets. Peter also found that most rooftops were covered and useless to him. But he was still out and about for a few hours.

But it turned out that when it was cold out that there wasn’t a lot of crime to go after. Not a lot of people were out unless they needed to be. Peter did save a woman from slipping on ice.

“Anything going on, Karen? I’m kind of getting bored.”

“Not that I can tell,” Karen said.

“I should have just gone and trained with Steve. I guess it’s a good thing, right, that nothing is happening.”

“I believe so, Peter.”

He swung off of a fire escape and headed towards the tower. Maybe he’d just go and actually work on his homework. There was an essay due in a few days that he should get on top of. His junior year of high school had brought along a ton more work and college was a thing that everyone was starting to get worried about. Tony liked to mention MIT in passing all the time and then May brought it up in her own way too, always hinting at how Peter would need to give up Spider-Man for it and Peter just -- he didn’t want to think about that.

He got back to the tower to find Natasha was back from a mission and sitting in the living room with Sam, Steve, Wanda, and Vision.

“Hey, Peter,” Natasha said. She had a split lip and yet she still smiled at him.

“We left you food in the kitchen,” Steve said. “We also left food for Tony if you want to bring some to him.”

“Cool. Thanks. I will.”

Food turned out to be sub sandwiches so after getting back into his normal clothes, Peter just grabbed both and went to the workshop. He was expecting to find Tony working, but instead his dad was looking at paperwork.

“Hungry?” Peter asked.

His dad turned to look at him. “Oh, you’re home. I -- I must have lost track of time.”

“What are you working on?” Peter asked.

“Nothing. Nothing. Just something that got in the mail today got me a bit distracted.” He waved his hand and the display disappeared. “Anyway, food. How was school today? Patrol?”

“Same. Not much going on.”

Tony nodded. He was oddly distracted. It made Peter worry a little. His dad only tended to get weird when something was happening.

“Did I ever tell you that I can’t actually have kids,” Tony said after they’d sat in silence eating for a while.

“No,” Peter said, not sure where the conversation was going. “I mean, maybe. I kind of think I knew that already.”

Tony nodded. “I -- it was to do with the arc reactor. Anyway, there was a time when I didn’t think that I would ever meet you or that it would make a difference because you were growing so fast and I never needed my parents when I was your age -- well, I probably did but I didn’t really have them. I guess that’s what makes more sense.”

“What are you getting at?” Peter asked. He was so confused.

Tony sighed and he wiped his mouth with a napkin and then he got up and grabbed a few sheets of paper. “A while back I applied to adopt. Sort of on a whim. Sort of because I really wanted to be a dad since at the time I couldn’t really be yours. I thought I’d never get to meet you. It takes time to adopt and I had forgotten about it just because of everything that happened. Actually -- I don’t remember if I told Steve about it. Thing is, nothing came of it and then I met you.”

Peter remembered a conversation about his dad possibly wanting other kids and how much Peter just -- he didn’t know how to feel about it. He hadn’t really let himself think about any of it especially since Tony had said he wasn’t sure if anything might happen.

“But why are you -- what’s that paper?” Peter motioned to the papers that Tony was holding.

“They want to know if I’m still interested,” Tony said.

“Oh,” Peter said.

Tony let out a breath. “I don’t think this is the right time,” Tony said. “Not for any of us.”

“Oh,” Peter said again and it was as if he didn’t know how to say anything else. He just -- he didn’t know if his dad wanted his opinion or if he was just telling Peter about it to tell him. Peter was also quite sure that he didn’t know how to feel.

It was getting closer to the end of the school year when a school trip was announced and Peter was dismayed to hear that it was a tour of SI. MJ cackled and laughed for a solid minute once she found out and just wouldn’t let it go all throughout lunch and then later when they were walking out of Midtown. Ned on the other hand seemed as excited as everyone else. The trip wasn’t for another few weeks, but Peter was already dreading it. He just knew that it wasn’t going to go well. He had kept the fact that he was living at the tower a secret from everyone including Ned and Michelle for over a year and this was going to be thing that finally revealed that to them -- he could just feel it.

“Aha, so we finally get to find out that Penis Parker has been lying about that internship all this time,” Flash said when he walked past them.

Peter rolled his eyes.

“Or prove Flash wrong,” Ned said. “This is actually really awesome. Do you think any of the Avengers will show up?”

Peter shook his head. “It’s not a trip to the living floors. Just the labs and SI. They don’t usually go down there.”

“But wouldn’t it be awesome if Flash saw you talking to them and they ignored him.”

Peter settled him with a look. “That’s not going to happen, Ned.”

When he got back home, he almost hesitated to mention the whole thing. He was going to have to get May to sign the permission slip since she was still his guardian, but if Peter was going to go -- and he really couldn’t not without giving ammunition to Flash to make fun of him with -- he was going to have to make sure that he did appear to be an intern at SI. Peter couldn’t remember the last time he had gone down to those floors of the building. He assumed that the trip was going to be geared towards the R&D rooms. Maybe he could get Pepper to help him out with making his story seem legitimate.

He ran into Steve as he was getting out of the elevator.

“Hey, Peter,” Steve said. “Not patrolling today?”

“I might go out later,” Peter said and followed Steve to the kitchen where Sam was in the middle of taking cookies out of the oven.

“Well we were planning on a movie if you want to join,” Sam said.

“Yeah, I will,” Peter said. It offered for the perfect distraction. He would figure out what he was going to do about the trip later.

Chapter One Hundred Ten

[sunkingwrites]

goooood morning.. 💕 mm I’m so sleepy still- gonna make myself some coffee and then hopefully my stomach doesn’t get upset with the amount of cookies I plan to eat for breakfast 😙

anywaaaays, I’m gonna be cooking a lot today because it’s almost someones birthday and like the good roommate I am I gotta cook their favorite foods~ oh but but I was catching up with bnha before I went to sleep last night (pls I swear I slept when you told me to) but then my roommate came in and.. stole my laptop? I mean I didn’t mind because I was having a mental breakdown over the recent episode,, but now I’m concerned what they did because all they said was “I need le minecraft.” and left 🥲

and I finally finished the firewatch shinkami fic- why tf is it so good??? awhkjhdiuhoina I kept getting distracted noticing the little elements in the writing but it just made it so captivating 😭

oH OH AND- I finally finished what I had left for my college projects and sooo I don’t have anything to do for the next 2 days.. unless *cough* anyone *cough* wants to do me 🥺/j

jokes aside I was crying this morning because I also finished chapter 5 of the song of achilles and we got a background check on one of the characters and I swear I could see the mommy issues shining through 😔

OK NOW IM JUST RANTING OF WHAT IVE BEEN DOING HJQSDKJKWFDKJJNKASD- I can’t get discord to open so that’s why I’m sending an ask tho 🥲

oh oh and my mind just suddenly filled with questions last night and it wont stop bothering me lol I dunno why… they’re so random tho- although I’m very curious on the one reason we know each other: how did you find my blog? It’s just a lingering question that I always wonder when someone follows me hehe- I mean,, I’m very glad you found me because holy shit— 😭 I remember how you were freaking out because I followed you back- that was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life tbh (we’ve been mutuals for well over a month ayo??)

anyways I’m gonna stop my intrusive mind from dumbing more stuff here so I don’t clog up your asks.. I hope you have a great great day, and I will send you kisses and updates of what I cook and uhh shit I do! on discord this time hehe… well unless food pics are not something you like then I’ll just spam you with random shit I do-!

mwah mwah~ ✨

Dude,, IF YOU MADE FOOD FOR MY BIRTHDAY I WOULD FUCKING CRYYY

Ohhhh my godssshfjsmck the fucking shinkami fic,, IT HAD NO RIGHT TO BE THAT GOOD- I WANT TO GET THAT GOOD AT WRITING AJJCNSNNF but like,, I was so fucking close to crying?? MultiPLE TIMES??? AND LIKE ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT WHEN DENKI WAS RUNNING TO THE TOWER,, AND I THINK IT'S SO COOL THEY ADDED ACTUAL BNHA LORE WITH THAT OTHER ASSASSIN HERO LADY AND THAT THEY COULD EXPLAIN DENKI'S LEGS DOING THAT NSKDJSBBFBDB

just-- so fucking good-

Mmmm,, we love mommy issues-- just love love love that for us~ No but like, characters with mommy issues are always too relatable to write aghh- LIKE STOP HAVING MY THOUGHTS PLEASE,, I UNDERSTAND I HAVE TRAUMA JUST LEAVE MEH ALONE

..if you couldn't tell- I had sugar-- remember that boba tea icecream I sent you a photo of in the superstore a while back? Yeah well I bought it today at Walmart and now it's almost gone,, and and I also got an ube icecream too, and Marmo hAtEs it- but I like it and I already knew that I would-- and now I wanna make an ube, vanilla milkshake aahhhh yum yum,, obviously not tonight-- maybe tomorrow if I can???

Okay okay and,, as you know my remember is full of shit so this miGHt be wRoNg- but I'm pretty sure I saw.. mmm I think a writing post first- maybe cuz it aligned with one of my tags?? Then I was like "oooh, I wonder if this person has anything else written for this character-?? Lemme seee~"

so then I would've found your master list post and I liked the vibe of it,, so then I'm pretty sure I just started scrolling through and randomly liking shit-?? I was still like a week new on tumblr so I was desperately looking for people to follow and get some more content flowing through my dash and to interest with--

Thennn, I think it was that composition you had posted that kinda embodied your anxiety that got me hooked,, cuz I kept listening to it on loop- so then I felt like I had to comment about getting it on Spotify,, since my family has a premium plan it's the place I usually get my music,, AND THEN I saw the picrew and I was just gONe cuz I fucking love making picrews and yours looked so cool and you just seemed like you'd be a fun person to talk to.. and then I shared mine with you and just kept talking and uhhh- yeah! That's what's up!! ✨✨

-also also you're birthday on twitter says it's the 28th- so I thought that was funny xD

[likeadove]

Anonymous said: just wanted to tell u that i finished wcpah on a train and the fic almost made me miss my stop it was THAT good had to run off the last second hahahahah

Anonymous said: holy fuck bethany you have no idea I'm so sad about this book ending bc for real its gotten me through a lot these past few months (been reading since chap 6 baby) and honestly my only source of happiness after this will be nest of salt. From the bottom of my heart thank you so much for everything youve doen with this story. Its magnificent. (and you wrote the smut wonderfully don't even worry)

Anonymous said: I just can’t. So good. I already want to start begging for one shots.

Anonymous said: That was fkn stupendous and I am so grateful to be able to read your stories <3

Anonymous said: I actually screamed when I saw the lyrics for this chapter. Thank God none of my roommates are home because the whole thing had a me screaming/sobbing. Like how did you manage to make that so beautiful? I cried? They love each other so much and you showed that in the way they did it.

Anonymous said: ben and rey crying after doing it is the most canon thing ever canoned

Anonymous said: I just wanted to let you know that the most recent chapter of WCPAH is amazingly beautiful. it made me sad because ive never had that good of sex lol. your writing was fantastic, everything felt so real and i think you waited until the perfect time in their story for this to happen. you did a fantastic job! Thanks for sharing it with us! :)

Anonymous said: that ending killed me oh my gosh. im smiling like an idiot

Anonymous said: I can't believe it's almost over. It's so amazing and I love it so much and I'm just so sad and happy and idk man. You've done it, like really done it, knocked it out of the park. I'm experiencing such a wide array of emotions and I seriously don't know what to do.

Anonymous said: Me right now: 😭😃😥😍😖🤯😵😏😱😫😘😞😁

Anonymous said: literally one of the most satisfying things i have ever read. you did it. you gone dun it. cannot remember why i wanted them to get down when she was 18 anymore haaa. This is oh so very right. All equal parts sexy, sweet, hot, beautiful. Thank you from the bottom of my reylo heart. what will i do without these two and your updates!!?! excuse me while i re read this chapter for the 4th time. because duhhhhhhhh

Anonymous said: lemme just say my thoughts on the last chapter- aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH im telling you now im gonna cry like a baby when WCPAH is over bc it's been such a wonderful ride and ive been around since chapter 1 was posted and i stumbled across the then baby fic and had never listened to the music Ben and rey do until recently and i found chapter 1 to be cute so i thought id stick around for chapter 2 totally unaware that almost 60 chapters later i myself not wanting it to end. Thank you for this❤

Anonymous said: literally cried when I saw you updated. woman you have done it. you wrote possibly the best smut/fan fiction these eyes have ever read. blown away from the way you lived up to hype for this sex scene- like surpassed my wildest expectations&gave us perfection. ben was so eager, aggressive&gentle all at the same time. we could count on rey to take matters into her own hands. girl knows what she wants. cannot wait for them to fill the house with their art, memories, milkshake machine, dogs&kiddos.

Anonymous said: So, it took me about half an hour to read through this chapter (56), because I had to stop to internally scream, or digest the fact that IT(!!) was finally happen like every two words. Words cannot describe the satisfaction that this chapter gave me. FUCKING FINALLY!!!!! You killed it, as per usual, and I am continuously in awe of your skill. I’m not ready for this to be over, but thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for letting us come along on this ride with you, and Ben and Rey. ❤️

Anonymous said: Idk if this is gonna sound really fucking lame to you, but your story gave me a reason to look forward to a new day, thank you for this! I am so glad i found your story, you had me at "90s grunge Ben Solo"

Anonymous said: First of all, I love you. Second of all, you are a master and a bloody wizard. Third, the last chapter from Ben's POV would make me die and go to heaven. I want to know his thoughts and feelings during *the scene*. Is that on the horizon? If not, that's ok - I'm happy with anything you give us! My brain keeps going over all the saucy details and starts fluttering when I think about what might come next. Sorry for being weird but I FEEL SO MANY EMOTIONS AND IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU.

Anonymous said: That was some pretty dope as shit smut Bethany like holy fuck

Anonymous said: that was literally the best sex scene I have ever read. so real and complex!! favorite fic of all time for sure

Anonymous said: your story came out on week two of my multi month bed-rest-ploza. i have been reading and healing along with these two ever since. thank you for the fluff, distraction, angst, music suggestions and companionship from your story and the world you created. this last update was everything i could have wanted and more. so sad that this story is wrapping up soon. excited to see where you take these two and reading more of your stories. <3

Anonymous said: I just wanna say that 'we could plant a house' was such an important story for me. It actually inspired me to write again IT WAS JUST THAT GOOD. I love you and I want to thank you for sharing this beautiful, heartbreaking fic with us what a fucking blessing honestly you're a goddess, never stop writing ❤️ And like yo when's the next update I'm dying

Anonymous said: Okay so I’ve been here from about the beginning and omg what am I going to do without this fic?! This is definitely my favourite reylo fic and what am I going to read once it’s gone?! I love it so much!!

You are all beautiful, wonderful people. Sometimes it overwhelms me (in a good way) when y’all say that this story helped you through a rough time or inspired you to write/do art again, because it’s so surreal that my silly fic I started in January to get out my Reylo angst and give me an excuse to listen to a lot of 90′s music could possibly have this effect on others. I’m so glad my work means this much to you guys, that you guys have continued to read despite how many times I came for your feels or made you cry. You guys mean the world to me; it’s been so lovely getting to go on this journey with you all. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do once it’s finished. Be very depressed, I expect. We can all send each other virtual hugs and cookies <3

[deojoon]

sky blue : 1

cross posted on ao3

part 2    part 3     part 4    part 5

Summary:

(trigger warning) how namjoon came across always and reflection or how namjoon began to love himself with help ! *this fic isn't for everyone, in no way am i romanticizing mental illnesses or what namjoon went through. if you don't like it dont read it thank you.

Notes:

i'm not gonna lie this straight up was the longest and quickest fic ive ever written. all because i was sad. it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to but its something. i kinda cried while writing it only because i sorta relate ? ion know. even though im a shitty writer you gotta start somewhere enjoy !

Chapter 1

: the beginning

I’ve always wondered how he did it. How Namjoon pieced himself back together. Did bts help ? did army help ? did a friend/significant help ? i’ve always noticed something about rm and it’s wasn’t till recently it got better.

-

It’s was a late night , early 2016, namjoon couldn’t remember the day of the week or date “fuck” he said as he sat in his studio chair looking up at the ceiling. It’s been about 3 days since he locks himself in the studio. This is couple months after his mixtape dropped and when the plagiarism claims had happened. The lowest point of his life.

He checks his phone to see with no surprise to see no new notifications. Namjoon sighed, he stretched his arms and with grogginess, he went back to writing. After even more hours of creativity, Namjoon passes out.

Namjoon woke up to see the time is now 5 am.

He gets up to leave the studio to check on yoongi. No matter what namjoon himself was feeling he thought of everyone else’s well being first. ‘it’s better this way’ he thought.

As he approaches yoongi’s studio he knocks on the door. He hears something crash, he starts to beat on the door calling his name “yoongi please open up”.

After a deep breath yoongi opens up the door breathless “what” he said harshly.

Namjoon walked in already knowing what’s wrong, closed the door and hugged yoongi. “take a deep breath. You’re  okay. You’re  safe.” Yoongi grabs namjoon tightly

Yoongi was upset, he was mad that he was frustrated with himself, that namjoon knows all too well when he’s mad, that namjoon knows how to make him feel better. Yoongi’s grip eventually loosens. Yoongi’s moves closer to namjoon's neck, just to inhale namjoon’s scent to calm himself. It’s a mix of pine, mint, and cotton candy which is surprisingly addictive.

(Not that yoongi would ever tell anyone that.)

With a now calm yoongi, namjoon asks “what were you doing exactly”

Yoongi still in his neck mumbling “producing. It’s not coming out the way I want it to maybe it’s because i’m not capable of making good music”

Namjoon squeezes yoongi tighter. “yoongi no matter what you’re the most creative person i’ve met. Yoongi don’t pay any mind to this small stump.

“but you don’t understand the pressure”

Once yoongi said that it hurt namjoon’s feelings a bit. Brushing it off namjoon replies “ come one let’s go home you need a break”

Yoongi just sighed and nodded, knowing arguing with namjoon at this point wouldn’t get him anywhere.

They left and went to the dorms. As they walked in seokjin was in the kitchen grabbing food for himself. Like a deer caught in headlights, seokjin jumped and dropped his leftover chicken.

“well there you are yoongi I was looking for you. When you feel better can you fix the bookshelf. Someone broke it” seokjin said glaring at namjoon.

Namjoon sheepishly smiles and rubbed the back of his neck. “sorry”

Yoongi had enough and grumbled “ stop breaking shit i’m tired of fixing it” he stomped away.

Namjoon’s sheepish grin dropped “ i’m going to bed”

As he walked to his shared room with taehyung he began to think about the inconvenience he caused other the members. He sighed and went to bed.

-

It’s now a Monday on their one month break. While everyone else is out having fun namjoon is stuck inside. its seems like everyone made plans without him yet again.   It’s been like this for the last week. No human interaction, so he decided to call jackson to see if he wanted to hang out.

But of course, jackson was busy. Namjoon started to feel antsy. He started to scroll on twitter. Maybe seeing army will make him feel better. Namjoon felt worse after reading comments about how ugly and untalented he is. His mood worsened more and more.

When namjoon heard the door open he knew the rest of the members came back he quickly put his emotions in the back of his head. And walking into the living about to say something only to hear his members making fun of his singing as they listened to the song  “adrift”

“he sounds like he’s dying”

“is he gargling a box of nails”

He had enough and went into the bathroom.

He sat down against the wall and stared at himself in the mirror.

‘why am I here’

‘I can’t even write good music without copying someone’

Namjoon shook his head and realized someone was knocking on the bathroom door. He got up and washed his face to see an angry taehyung.

“Finally, do you know how long I was knocking. Get out so I can go in”

Namjoon thought taehyung was concerned for him at first so he smiled but dropped it when he finished.

Namjoon went to his room grabbed his phone, laptop, and wallet and walked out the dorm ignoring everyone’s laughter.

-

He arrived at his studio locked the door and decided to read on naver thinking the news would make him feel better and distract him. Namjoon ended up reading two articles one about him plagiarizing and the other on how much weight he gained, how fat he is now.

Namjoon was at his breaking point but the one last thing that pushed him over was his parents texting him that they’re on vacation without him.

Namjoon began writing full of tears and sadness.

One morning, I opened my eyes And wished that I was dead I wish someone killed me In this noisy silence I live to understand the world But the world didn’t once understand me, why No, the other half is missing* It’s trying to hurt me I miss me miss me, baby, I miss me miss me baby I wish me I wish me baby Wish I could choose me

Why is it that I’m being so earnest Yet it’s not working out Always Always Always Always Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways)

If I ever meet God, I would tell him this That life is coffee that I never ordered I would grab him by the collar and tell him Death is an americano you can’t refill Are you sure that you’re alive Then, let’s prove it somehow When I exhale, there’s breath** On the window, there’s condensation You are dead You are dad, but you are dead Dead dad you don’t listen to me Dad please listen to me

Why is it that I’m being so earnest Yet it’s not working out Always Always Always Always Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways)

-

After writing, the group's manager called him to explain the wings photo shoot and due date for the music.

After the long and exhausting meeting, he went back to the dorms to tell everyone the schedule and he got nothing but complaints.

“why couldn’t you pushback the date”

“all ways make things hard for us”

“ya I really don’t appreciate his at all”

“why’d you make our schedule so intense”

Namjoon ran out the dorm slamming the door.

-

Namjoon goes back into the studio and just stares at the wall, thinking about the stupid voice in his head repeatedly saying he doesn’t matter and wrote reflection.

I know Every life’s a movie We got different stars and stories We got different nights and mornings Our scenarios ain’t just boring I find this movie very amusing Everyday, I want to shoot it well I want to caress myself I want to caress myself

But you know, sometimes I really really hate myself To be honest, quite often, I really hate myself When I really hate myself, I go to Dduksum I just stand there with the familiar darkness

With the people that are smiling And beer, which makes me smile Coming to me softly, Fear, which holds my hand It’s okay because everyone is in twos or threes It’d be nice if I had friends too

The world is just another name for despair My height is just another diameter for the earth I am all of my joy and anxiety It repeats everyday, the love and hate directed to me Hey you, who’s looking over the Han River If we bump into each other while passing, would it be fate? Or maybe we bumped into each other in our past life Maybe we bumped into each other countless times

In the darkness, People look happier than the day Everyone else knows where they’re supposed to be But only I walk without purpose But still, blending in with them is more comfortable Dduksum, which has swallowed up the night Hands me an entirely different world I want to be free I want to be free from freedom Because right now I’m happy but I’m unhappy I’m looking at myself At Dduksum

I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself

-

Namjoon now lying on his studio floor hear knocking on his door. He ignores it and goes back to sleep.

'why do they even bother with me'

[yeoldontknow]

Hi Kat, I was wondering if you have advice for writers who are too scared to publish their work online. I have many snippets and stories that I've written but never posted. I love the idea of having a tumblr or blog where I could share my writing, but I'm constantly struggling with imposter syndrome, feelings of not being good enough, and fears of being criticized by others. Thank you very much!

hi anon

please keep in mind that these are the things that helped me - wayyyy back over a decade ago when i first started writing fanfic and posting it online. what worked for me might not work for you, but as someone who also suffers from imposter syndrome in nearly every facet of my life, this is what helped and continues to help.

the important thing to focus on is that desire to share. the very fact that youve come here and said ‘i want to do this but im scared’ leads me to believe that your want to have a blog where you can share writing is already outweighing the fear of reception. and the most important thing you could do is not lose sight of that desire. you cannot control how people will respond to your writing, and i know that at first its very scary. the very extension of wanting to share is wanting to have a conversation around your work - not to receive endless criticism. so while you cannot control the response, you can control your reaction to the response. 

this also brings up a very important discourse - the line between helpful and unhelpful criticism. criticism is not something to fear, lovely. it helps us grow. to be wrong or to receive criticism is a moment of humility and change, and it evolves with us. when criticism is helpful, it allows us to see room for improvement, for growth. we can advance through the criticism, especially when its offered by a friend or someone we trust. i often recommend new writers show their work to friends they trust to get a third party opinion - someone with a face before they offer it to strangers whose comments we fear the most. helpful feedback and criticism is what allows our writing to flourish - and because you mention imposter syndrome, i imagine youre already very critical of your own work. that criticism is what makes you edit and edit again, wanting it to be the best you can create. thats important. unhelpful criticism, on the other hand, is something every single writer on this platform has experienced and survived. while most of the comments ive seen on fics throughout my years have been wonderfully positive, there are still some that will hurt.

and thats a very important thing we as creators and artists must always accept - not everyone will love your work and you will, at some point, get hurt. but you will also survive. 

and i can assure you, almost every writer i have met experiences imposter syndrome at some point. as a reader, we see the final product, the fic that makes us feel something, that entertained us, that brought us joy. and we see the response the writer receives, the comments and the asks, and we think ‘wow, it must be easy for them.’ but honestly, it isnt. we dont get to see the weeks, the months, the hours, maybe even the years it took to write that story or that chapter. the worry of ‘is this good enough’ ‘is this right’ ‘am i still putting out the same quality this story deserves.’ i can speak from experience that the overwhelming response for hero ALWAYS makes my next chapter harder to write because i dont want to let anyone down. the fear of disappointing the readership is real and very often makes me feel like im not good enough for the story anymore. we fill this way because we are human and more than anything, this is is what we must remember:

a story cannot be better than us because it is ours. we created it. we found it in our minds. we gave birth to it. so by extension its a part of us. not everyone will love it, but no one else will have this unique idea or be able to tell this story the way you can. your perspective changes the trope, the character, the feelings. the sea of authorship is never full, because there is still room for your voice. and if you are scared of posting online, hold onto the feeling that made you reach out to ask for help. you asked because you want it. and the want will always outweigh the fear

i hope this encourages you anon! the community IS majority positive and friendly, and im sure if you want to write it someone is wanting to read it.