#i know it'll never turn off but like... 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

[yeslordmyking]

I'm not going to pretend I knew the source of every picture I was inspired by, but scrolling through Pinterest and getting 95% AI art has officially made it feel unethical to have a vision board

[bonny-kookoo]

But Ninny, just imagine lock me up mc going into preheat and defective Yoongi gets all protective over her 🥺 anon was onto something with that heat ask honestly 😮‍💨 jk jk….unless 👀

You're antsy again, right when he'd thought he'd gotten you comfortable enough so you wouldn't try and escape anymore.

But your little outdoor adventures aren't of the usual kind either- you definitely stay in close proximity to his home, never even reach the streets, always rather roaming the rooftops, and he can see on his little GPS tracker on his laptop that you're somewhat pacing around.

Something's off, and he needs to know what.

When he reaches the rooftops, it's a little windy. Not too chilly, but a nice fresh wind blows, sun setting- and there you are, rolling on your back in the bright golden sun. "You're getting your clothes dirty." He comments, and your tail snaps up at his words, as you roll again to sit on your knees now, some dead leaves caught in your hair- but one flick of your ear and its gone with the wind, while you look at him like you're conflicted.

"I wanna sleep here tonight." You tell him, and his brows lower in confusion.

He's keeping his distance- both because he's not sure if you'll try and jump because down the line it wouldn't surprise him considering your rather... spontaneous nature, and also because your body language screams at him to stay away.

"Its gonna be cold." He tries to reason. "Why'd you wanna sleep outside?" He wants to know, and you become nervous at that, moving your legs around a little to adjust the position in which you're sitting-

And that's when the wind turns a but, making him catch your scent.

Oh.

"Yeah well- you know.." you stammer, nervous. "Even if- you know, you pick up stuff for me, it'll take almost an entire day to, you know, make me not stink anymore.." you mumble more or less, not looking at him.

"You don't stink, idiot." He clicks his tongue, before sighing. This isn't something he'd planned ahead for. "I can still go downtown and pick some shit up if you tell me what you typically take, and I promise my hands stay to myself at night." He tells you.

"Hm yeah cause it's easy for you.." You say almost disappointed.

"What do you mean?" He wants to know, and you turn around at that, your back facing him as you hug your legs.

"Nothin'." You huff stubbornly. "Go get me some Feline Help, or ChangeWay, I don't care which you choose." You mumble almost incoherently into your knees, drawing something in the dirt on the ground with a stick.

"Both of those are-" he argues instantly, well aware that both brands will leave you with heavy side effects, but now you snap your head around, hissing at him.

"Just go! Leave me!" You yell at him, and he forgives your behavior for once because it's not really in your control right now. Preheat can be extremely stressful to hybrids especially when you're used to being on medication for it usually.

Though he has a feeling there's got to be a reason you're especially on edge with him. You should be the exact opposite- so why do you seem to absolutely despise his presence right now?

"Can I leave you here without having to run after you to God knows where after I come back?" He asks, and you glare at him actually angry this time.

"I'm not stupid, Detective Min." You make sure to pronounce his job title and name especially as you talk. "I'm a walking bullseye target for anyone other than you." You huff, and he squints his eyes at that.

"I see." He suddenly says, relaxing. "I get it now."

"Oh my GOD just go and get my drugs, leave!" You yell now, throwing a small rock at him- though you only prove his point, because you clearly intentionally miss him by a lot, no intention to hurt him despite your bitter tone.

"Dont worry, I'll get them." He says, not walking closer, but taking off his jacket before he throws it at you. "But you're wrong, just so you know." He has the audacity to smirk, especially when you grow wide eyed and surprised, entire world view shifted as he gives you an answer to a question you didn't even ask, while he walks back down the metal stairs to his apartment, leaving you alone with your thoughts and his scent around you.

He's absolutely not interested in you-

Or so you thought, it seems.

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

-> Series Masterlist

[midwinterrmemento]

Paille-au-nez

➢ pairing: Napoleon x GN!Reader [Ikemen Vampire]

➢ genre: fluff

➢ word count: 500 (exactly 😮‍💨)

➢ prompt: Give him a nickname adjacent to his "Nunuche"

A short and sweet fic for the birthday boy, and a last minute entry for @xxsycamore's challenge to (affectionately) bully him in under 500 words 💕 I wrote this one quickly and I'm sure it'll show, but when I read this prompt, it made me think of something I once read about irl napoleon, and so... I wanted to give it a try at least!

“See you tonight, nunuche.” 

“Alright, paille-au-nez.”

Napoleon, who was on his way out the door, abruptly paused in his tracks as he processed what you said. He turned back to face you with a bewildered expression, only to find you standing at the sink, nonchalantly resuming your chores.

“...Nunuche?”

“Hmm?” You hummed innocently.

“What did you just say?”

As you scrubbed a plate, you were relieved to have your back turned to him, so he couldn’t see how you were biting back a smile. “I said, ‘Alright, Napoleon.’” 

After a beat, you heard his boots crossing the floor, and then you felt that familiar presence standing behind you, those familiar eyes boring into your back. Even without turning around, you could picture the disbelief on his face as he studied you. “That’s not what I heard.”

“Of course it was. What else would I have said?” 

Stepping closer, Napoleon reached around you to pluck the rag and plate from your hands, setting them down. Despite your best efforts to hide it, you knew he could see through you as he tilted your face towards his. 

“And just what are you smiling for, then, hm?” 

“No reason,” you said, even as you felt your grin stretching involuntarily.

Napoleon narrowed his eyes, and you struggled to hold it together under his scrutiny. Lucky for you, he never could resist that little smile, even when it served as proof of your guilt.

“You know what I think?” He leaned a little closer, green eyes watching you keenly. “I think a certain someone… must’ve heard something from Sebastian…”

“Really?” You pretended to mull it over. “I can’t think of anything.”

Napoleon couldn’t help but grin a little now, too, as you continued to play ignorant. “Something about… an old childhood nickname, perhaps…?”

“Oh, right, I remember now. You mean how your classmates misheard ‘Napoleone’ and started to call you—”

“Don’t say it.” 

“—paille-au-nez?”

He poked you on the forehead. “Tais-toi.” 

“What?” you laughed, rubbing the spot. “I think it’s endearing. It suits you.”

Napoleon raised an eyebrow. “I look like I have straw up my nose?”

“Sometimes.”

He sighed, though the little smile tugging at his lips suggested that he wasn’t truly upset. “Oh, nunuche… What am I going to do with you?”

“You could stop calling me that, for one.” You challenged playfully. “Since I, too, have ammunition now…”

“Ammunition? Is that what you’re calling it?”

“From now on, every ‘nunuche’ earns you one ‘paille-au-nez.’”

He huffed amusedly. “Comme c’est cruel.”

With that, he dipped his head down to kiss you, effectively wiping the triumphant smirk off your face. Upon pulling back, his eyes shone with mirth. 

“It’s been a century since I’ve heard that. At least it’s more charming coming from you. I can’t say I ever wanted to kiss one of those miserable kids for saying that…”

“Then you won’t mind if I make a habit of it?” you quipped cheekily.

Another kiss to silence you.

“...Don’t push your luck, nunuche...”

[larcenywrites]

could you write headcanons for what oral sex (giving and receiving) is like with tony (young tony and/or regular tony, whatever you prefer)? thank you so much in advance!

fuuuuuck 🥴 you know I can’t keep it to only one of ‘em 😮‍💨

Headcanons | Oral Sex

Warnings: 18+ | written with afab reader in mind and is mostly referenced | references to Daddy + light bondage | two she/her/feminine pronouns pet names used | lots of cum and cum eating | one mention of the iron man suit oopsies 🤭 | overstimulation |

young!Tony Stark

Receiving. He probably didn't really care whether or not a night's lay sucked him off or not. Like, sure, it was a nice addition, but he was also impatient and just wants to fuck 😪 But not only does he have a different sort of attachment to you, but you seem to really enjoy doing it regularly, so he'll warm up pretty quick to seeing you struggle to fit his cock in your mouth and feeling you moan when you take him in your throat. In fact, he'll find himself craving it

Lick and kiss up his shaft and play with that pool of arousal leaking from his slit. It'll be the only time you can get him to relax into a nice long tease, and he'll be watching you with a faintly interested poker face and a smug grin barely pulling at his lips. He probably prefers to be laid up in the bed than standing, and that's surely more comfortable for you! As horny as he always is, he does like for you to start off slow. Slowly suck his head in and out of your mouth a few times, and don't be afraid to tease him with a little teeth 🤭 And he won't mind a light scrape of teeth when you're on your way back up once you finally make your way down. The hands in your hair will definitely be restraining themselves from pushing you further when he touches the back of your throat, but it won't be hard to convince him to give in to his need to fuck into you.

You're both going to figure out real fast that he's into praise and cock worship, and while he prefers to cum inside you, he's going to get off just as much when you lick his cum from your fingers or take it all down your throat when you let him press into you. He cums a lot, especially if you get him really horny with something new or manage to edge him for a while 🫠 And if you're willing to clean it up, he'll be ready again in no time from just watching you eat his cum. He'll gather that stray white streak on your cheek with a swipe of his thumb and shovel it into your mouth. Suck his thumb while he does it and he'll go feral. Honestly, he might even lick up that white streak himself and make out with you 🥴

Seeing you get on your knees in any context is ruined now, especially when you turn to look up at him. You may get shoved into the nearest bathroom with lips on your neck and a hand guiding yours to the erection between his legs, or he's pouncing on you as soon as you get back home! He's not exactly quiet, but giving him head is probably the easiest sexual activity to get away with when someone's home or on a short amount of time 😌

Giving. You'll be surprised to learn he's never given head before, especially when he's so damn good at it 🥵 He never really cared, even after whoever he was with for the night sucked him off, but with you he can't wait to return the favor, and he can't wait to taste you 🥴 And once he does, he's diving between your legs as often as he can. He's a quick learner, so he'll map out what you like and how you like it pretty fast.

He's diving in tongue first every time! He's flattening his tongue and licking up and down your pussy and tortuously catching your clit at that angle that makes you squirm several times before teasing circles at your entrance. He's not afraid to dip in for a better taste a few times either 😏 That tongue knows just how to massage and twirl your clit, and keep you squirming on the edge when he stops to suck it between his teeth a few times. He'll stop for a few moments when you're done cumming to soothe you with soft kisses everywhere from your opening to your thighs, and hopefully you don't mind that he's still messy when he reaches your lips. He isn't afraid to add in a finger or two while he does it, and once he figures out how to make you squirt, it's fucking over for you 🫠

Close your legs around him, and he'll happily stay buried between them! Sit on his face for hours if you want- if you can. It won't take long before you're an overstimulated mess, and the grip in his hair and the hands pushing at his shoulders with a whine only stirs him on. The arms wrapped around your thighs are only getting tighter, and he's only going to cozy into you more. He's addicted to making you a whimpering and soaking mess before fucking you, and he can't help but rub himself against the bed and moan with you. Sometimes just eating you out is enough to make him cum 😮‍💨

Speaking of cum, he may not have another round in him or maybe he came before you, but he will absolutely eat you out to keep you going even with his cum still dripping from you 🫠

Calls you princess when he's eating you out 🥴 with bites and kisses to your thighs before he starts and when he's done

And if you aren't waking up when he needs you to, he'll make sure you're ready for him when you do 😉

Unfortunately, you two rarely have the time for all of that fucking and foreplay, as someone is bound to be home or come home soon, so when someone's parents are on vacation and the house is free for a few days… you'll be a shaking mess once he's through with finally having his way with you all weekend 😮‍💨

Tony Stark

Receiving. FUCK. Loves seeing you so eager to fit his dick in your mouth, and loves making you get on your knees. He loves seeing you on your knees and desperate to unbuckle his belt. It's rare that you'll get away with sex without sucking him off first, and if he's been busy and/or frustrated, whether in the middle working on something at his desk or on the couch, he's more than happy to have you settling between his legs to ease some of that tension. And if you don't, he'll be calling you over to let you know how you can help 😏

Definitely start off slow. In fact, tell him all about how much you love Daddy's cock and tell him exactly how you want it to ruin you, with plenty of kisses from base to tip, and make sure to lick up that stream of precum 🤤 Twirl your tongue all around his tip and lick him against the roof of your mouth as you take more. Once he touches the back of your throat, though, you better be willing to keep him there and take him further. If you keep pulling back too many times, he'll just impatiently fuck your face with a hard grip in your hair keeping you still.

Things are also going to get pretty kinky and wild. As much as he likes to see you undressing him, he loves to see you tied up and at his mercy just as much! It's also the best punishment (funishment?) for any backtalk and sass. He'll let you know what that mouth is good for if you don't want to play nice 😌

Spills a lot of cum, and he'll be watching to make sure you don't waste it. If he can't cum inside you, then at least eat it! Lick it from his abs and clean his cock; he likes to keep your mouth open with a grip on your cheeks and watch his cum drip in your mouth or pool on your tongue. And you better swallow it all. If any gets on your face, you'll be oh-so-affectionately called a messy slut while he swipes it into your mouth, but you can earn a good girl if you readily accept it and suck his thumb 😉

You can be included in on the fun, too! He likes to have you on the bed, on your back, and head at the edge of the bed... He'll be throat fucking you and playing with your clit or your tits. Or both, usually. And there might be a time or two when those suits of armor come in handy after a few modifications... so now you're getting a rough pounding and trying to suck Tony's dick (or he just takes over for you ). Also vibrators, and not just for you! Hold one just beneath the underside of his head while you suck and lick his slit and his balls 🥵 He'll probably need to be lying down for this one and not be in a Dom mood because you can edge him and keep him going for ages

He has his own house now, thank god. Not just because he can be loud, but let's be honest, you two are fucking on every counter and corner you can find! You might be under one of those tables in the lab, or between his legs at the couch; he might have a hand planted on the kitchen counter and keeping you pinned against the wooden cabinets below. Well, his office isn't necessarily the most private, but you can bet you'll be hiding under that desk and helping him out a different way when he's busy at work 😏

Giving. As much as he loves getting head, he's in love with giving love to your pussy, he can't keep his hands (or his mouth) off of you. Eats you out like it's the last thing he'll do and you're the last thing he'll taste, and licks through your folds and entrance like he's feral, yet that tongue stays tantalizingly featherlight on your clit when he's not massaging it between his teeth. And he'll make sure to leave your oversensitive skin burning from the scratch of his beard 🥴 He also just loves to push your limits, and loves that he can keep you going even if he can't

You'll probably start off at the edge of the bed, with him on his knees, but the more you cum and the longer he goes, you won't be able to hold yourself up for very long. Throw your legs over his shoulders and tighten them around his head- if you don't, he will. He wants to be buried in your pussy, and if you're pushing at him in overstimulation and gripping his hair, he just tightens his hold on you and cozies into you even more. Whimper his name and he'll ask, "what is it, baby," as if you aren't trembling and soaked. He'll soothe you with a few kisses to your swollen clit and a nip to your thigh before going back in, slower this time. Honestly, it's probably not often he adds in a finger or two, but you can cum just fine without them! It'll mostly be when he's in the mood to make you squirt multiple times and comment on the big mess you made

He will absolutely tie you up and torture you for hours. He'll start off real slow, and ease off when your close before going in fast and hard... only to slow down again when he has you on the edge again. It's a good punishment and a good reward, but once you start begging he can't help but give in with an apologetic kiss to your thigh, followed by the best orgasm of your life

He doesn't mind cleaning you up after 😉 Even with his cum still dripping out of you, he's licking up all of your cum and his (if he isn't too busy stuffing it back inside 🥴 He might get too into it, though, and have you cumming again, and then he's hard again... and the delicious cycle continues

He loves to wake you up like this too. Sometimes you're just too cute and vulnerable cuddled up to him, and he just has to let you know... and he probably has a not-so-little problem that needs taken care of and he needs you up and ready now!

You could be at a party, or making a smoothie in the kitchen, but if you're looking a little too good he has to have a quick taste. At home, he's pushing you against the wall or cabinets or bending you over the counter, and on his knees within seconds. It's tougher when you're out, not only because he has to find a bathroom or empty room, but it's going to be hard to stay quiet! He also might have once or twice eaten you out underwater while you were sitting on the pool's submerged stairs 🥵 He just can't stay off of you!

[discardedsys]

long post ahead, its a rant (big space between paragraphs because its easier for me to read)

yeah dti might be cool and i might love drawing but i think I'd Love to actually get a psychiatrist that bothers to listen to me instead of just making my anti psychotic dosage higher until we inevitably have to change it because they can't make my dosage any higher. Fun.

uheegdgshs i know this post is kind of incomprehensible but being dx with psychotic breaks before trying to get a did dx was the worst thing to have ever happened. the awfulness of living in a third world country with one of the highest suicide rates in latam 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

no, dear psychiatrist, the voices™ have not gone away with your foolproof solution of More Medication and 0 therapy, btw could i get screened for did? yes? great! let me know when it'll never happen because this always leads to nowhere.

i dont care if i turn out to not be a system because my experiences and symptoms are still there, they're just not plural, that's okay!!! I'd be glad if that's the case (still want help with my dissociation, identity issuses, amnesia and conditioning!!!!!! thx!!!!!)

alas, i shall never know because psychiatrist #9 (im not joking they keep leaving) wont bother to even hit the 1 hour mark of the session my mom paid for, and instead leave at 28 minutes

fucking hell my mom got dx with asd like. 3 years ago after being in therapy for around 15 years iirc? because she got diagnosed with bipolar disorder first. i loooove how functional the healthcare system is here 🥴

whatever, i guess I'll survive off yuri and fashion

[bunny-hoodlum]

Saw you mention ADHD inattentive? And I had not heard the specific kind of adhd but what you described sounds true to me (also can’t do a diagnosis right now). But I’d consider myself a very creative person. I want to create freely like I did as a child, improve, and excel but I struggle with the motivation. I end up scrolling on my phone or watching tv. How do you manage that or deal with it without being hard on yourself? Thank you for your time!

So I've been looking into ADHD more seriously in the past three years. I've had bouts of anhedonia and the most recent one last for two years and it got to the point where I couldn't even watch or read two-seconds of anything without it feeling utterly painful and I had no idea what the hell that was about. But I at least had the awareness after it happened often enough that my attention span was fucked and I genuinely didn't seen to latch onto or enjoy anything anymore and I thought 'Wow, guess this is adulthood for me, sheesh'.

I also thought back to myself as kid growing up, some things I knew I did and some things I did that had been told me. Apparently my dad thought I might be autistic when I was 4, but never followed up on that. Nobody cared that I was a good test taker but rarely ever turned in homework. Oh, ooh, she must just not care, wah. My mom told me stories as an infant that align with me being an HSP baby, and I def have Rejection Dysphoria which is kinda getting better but sometimes still results in petty Splitting spirals. 😅

Sorry, none of this has to do with your question but maybe it'll useful to someone else. 😅

So the funny thing is, I am not addicted to social media. 😭 I barely use it. So I don't have anything personal I provide about that, but you could try going minimal on your phone. Just dummy the hell out of it. Remove apps, etc. I know companies be breaking how their shit works on mobile browser, at least for me, the site gets app-blocked basically. "Open in App", "Get our App", ugh. 🙄😮‍💨 But when you make distractions harder to get to, you can readjust your reliance on it. Backtracking slightly, I used this method to cut off my 'addiction' to Reddit. I still rly don't get hooked on socmed otherwise. 🤔 I always bookmark stuff or keep the tabs open, and say I'll get to it later. 😅 I'm always accruing things for myself or some creative endeavor. I kinda relate to Markiplier in that way, that the only time he hangs with his friends or makes friends is if it's during a project. His whole life rotates around the next idea and the next idea. 😅 Forgive me, I'm rambling quite a bit.

Tldr; make distractions more inconvenient, lol.

If you feel like your symptoms are unmanageable, their could be other disorders that you need to take care of. Some ADHD-havers need stimulants and others need anti-depressants.

I'm a stimulant-type. I started taking a $30 B-complex supplement when I noticed that Monster energy made me feel better. I get high caffeine blend plus 2 shots of espresso from my preferred gas station. As a female, I had to pay attention to my PMS symptoms making me sleepier than ever. Some shit got out of balance and I was a goner for the following two weeks.

Your next question about not beating yourself up. My suggestion is trying meditation, maybe getting an ONO roller or something like it, something to make your hands busy when you're trying to devote your attention to something. Just focus on clearing away the background processes of anxiety in your internal task manager and try to visualize how you'll feel when you get that thing done.

Like, I still procrastinate on folding the laundry. It'll literally take me 20 mins or less and I can watch videos while I do it, but I just don't for rly no good reason. 😅 But it's better to feel guilty while doing the thing you've been avoiding, then feeling better after becuz it's done. And then maybe the guilt lessens becuz you've created this routine and positive association, 'Hey, I can do this thing. Hey, this actually takes no time at all.' You know?

I'm no expert and everyone's experience is different. But I recommend looking into it more for yourself. The HowToADHD channel is a pretty good one to start with. They are like the definitive channel for sure. I know that Dr. K put out smthn a couple years ago as well, but all in all, you can only do your best and try to retrain how you do things. There's stuff too like the Pomodoro Effect... 🤔 Just try to find what works for you! Even rn I'm so distracted with writing that I haven't been drawing at all, so I'm just managing myself, pretty much just scraping by. 😅

Oh yeah, I started opening all the cabinets to make putting dishes away easier. Idk if that's useful to you, lol. ADHD requires quirky solutions, haha.

Sorry this turned out so long! I'm wishing you all the luck! 🙏🤗

[banchuuya]

oh you want Ango thoughts? I'll give you Ango thoughts. hope you're okay with pain and suffering though because ohoghhgh, this man is filled with SO much pain and suffering

so basically. Ango is a fundamentally tragic character, and the tragedies mainly lie within his perceived self-contradictions. he hates everything he does the most. he hates all-nighters but forces himself to pull them anyway. he hates working overtime but does it anyway. he hates working in general actually but he can't let himself stop working because it would give room for the human parts of him to start living again and he can't have that. he deeply cares about human lives but is forced, again and again, to be in a position where he has to treat them objectively and impersonally. he never wanted to befriend Dazai and Oda, but he did, and he got attached, and then he lost them both in one fell swoop. he blames himself even though he was in a position where he couldn't do anything else. he had no choice. he tried his best to save Oda but his job demanded too much of him and he has so little left to give (he's given all he had already). deep down inside he wants to save lives and he'll give himself up a hundred times over for that cause. he wants to believe that it's all worth it but it's so hard. he wants to bury himself in the past because he can't see a future for himself. he doesn't think he even deserves a future after all he's done. he wishes Dazai had shot him. he wishes Chuuya had strangled him. he thinks it's what he deserves. he's willing to throw his life away to repay his debts. he doesn't know what he's working toward, so he throws himself into his work to avoid thinking about that. if he never clocks out, he never has to clock in, and if he never clocks out, he never has to spend time with himself and the ghosts hovering within his shadow. if never clocks out, the gears in the darker recesses of his mind won't have a chance to start turning. if he never stops reading memories, if he never stops burying himself in mementos of times long past, if he never lets his ability shut off, if he never stops standing behind the camera and clicking the shutter on the narrative, he won't have to think about the gaping void of his future and the murky gray of his present and the unpleasant reality of being. he sees himself as an instrument more than a person, as a means to an end. orders don't make him who he is but he would do anything he's told to do if he believes it's right. he's trying desperately to hold onto a sepia-toned past to avoid the full spectrum of reality. he's stuck in a loop of endless self-hatred. every single one of his transgressions flash through his mind as an unending film reel, and the discarded footage winds its way through the wrinkles of his brain like creeping vines, like a spreading infection, like rivulets of decay. he blames himself for each and every snapshot of sin. he's merely a tool with little control over his actions, and he realizes that, but the one thing he can control is the camera's perspective. the guilt is stifling him. he doesn't know where he'd be without it. he believes his life is worth less than other people's. he hates himself. he's constantly punishing himself. he knows his conceptions of himself are contradictory, but he can't imagine a different way of living. he doesn't want to imagine a different way of living. he wants to drown in his work but is finding that he's learning how to breathe underwater. he wants to control the narrative but can only control the way it's framed. he wants to think it's enough. it isn't. it'll never be enough. it's already too much. it's both. it's neither

YESSSSSSSSSS I love this so much thank you thank you 😮‍💨😭

this is so beautifully written you couldn't have said it any better

[wench-and-jezebel]

The Musketeers Reaction: Friends and Enemies

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

You sure you don’t need to rest buddy? You’re huffing pretty hard

[Also, they had the horseshoe upside down; no wonder shit goes wrong  (Spoiler: shit goes wrong)]

I wouldn’t know which is which  😀

Ah! Your boo!  [Ma'am, do you really think I'd adore a person who steals and kills peop- oh.]  …. Yes  [You know what-  Just watch the show, woman]

[Also, btw... "d'Artagnan" is not pronounced the way they pronounce it.  It's not "Dart-an-yun."  It's "Dart-en-yaw" ish.  Rough phonetics because idk but it's roughly that]  Well now neither of those look even remotely correct. Gah damn ancient times  🙂 [Edit: someone mentioned that this might be intentional? To show he comes from outside the "posh" part of town? idk if that's the case, but it's an interesting theory]

[Hold up… ad.]  Okay!  [Bruh these ads are so long]  😂😂😂  [BRUH IT CHANGED TO CSI  Hold up]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  CSI said you ain’t cheating on it with the musketeers  [lkjsaldakfjadsf]

Wait, Peter Capaldi?  [Yup!]  Sounds familiar  [12th doctor]

[This is Athos]  😱😱  I already said he favors Daryl… right?  [Yes.  I think.  But ‘tis true]

Sir  [I love him]  No need to be rude to the water  [alskdjf It was ice]  Oh ☠️

[And this be Porthos]  Oh shit!  So these are the three musketeers?  [No… Those are the two Musketeers and d'Artagnan.  The third Musketeer ain't been along yet]  Oooooh

[This is Aramis.  He’s the third.  (And yes… he’s "that stupid")]  Well damn ☠️😂

Damn I need a corset… these cheap ass bras can’t compare  ‘Tis trueeee

[Also, to be clear… He's having an affair with the mistress ot the Cardinal.  One of the most important people in France.  The King's main advisor.  Just to put that in perspective.  That’s why Athos said “Tell me he’s not that stupid”]  Oh. Well SHIT 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😂😂😂  [Also, that's Peter Capaldi]  Yeah I recognized him immediately

How he not see him?!

Ahh the gang’s all together!

Ahhh, love  [“Or lust”]  Ye, lol  ["Oh look: a man, pretending to acknowledge the difference" - Ten Inch Hero]

[I love Athos]  😂😂😂

“Any lice or crabs?” ☠️

Why am I getting Izzy vibes off the Doctor?  [I mean.  You should… I’m getting them too alskdjf]  😂😂😂  [It’s the Cardinal tho… Since I'm assuming you don't wanna spell Richelieu every time]  Ye! I don’t ☠️☠️☠️ it wouldn’t turn out nice

Oh is that The Milady?  [I say nothing]

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [Adele tipping her hand here]  

Ack  [Technically, she was "undressed" in the first scene… Corset + petticoat = scandalous]  

Wellll… Cannnnn you trust her?

Well damn… This show is just crazy

Pause!  ADDDDD  [Is it an ad for Scream?  Because we might have the same on- MATTHEW LILLARDDDDDDDD]  NO *sigh* 🙁 [How dare]  FOUR FUKCING ADDDDSS  [Yup]  CRIMINAL MINDSSSS  [RUDE]  THE NEW ONE  [I got Star Trek tho so… I win]

OH I SEE WHATS HAPPENING!  le gasp… Imposters

That ribbon around her neck is giving the girl with the green ribbon vibes  [I seeeee!  *has no clue what that means*]  You donttttt knowwww that boook? 😱  [Nope.  WATCH THE SHOW]

Buddy.  You.  Really.  Came out.  WITH A BLOODY KNIFE.  [alskfdj Yup.  I never said d'Art was smart.  Well, wise, but shh; the rhyme was important]

[Love herrrr]

Ooooop he ded  [Buddy's not doing too hot]

[Ma'am fingering her ring like it'll take away her Impure Thoughts about d'art.  It will not]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

[Get ready for this Inigo Montoya-ass shit]  😂😂😂😂

“You killed my father. Prepare to die!”  

"We weren't going to kill him"  [*simultaneously* "We weren't going to kill him"  "Weren't we?"  "Next time let us know!"]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[The way Richelieu’s eyes widen on "murder" tho a;lkdsfj]

They were like oh shit they drug us into this  [They're kinda idiots tho.  What kind of criminal goes around like "oh, yeah, here's my name and rank!  Come arrest me!"]  EXACTLY

BRUH [Ruh roh]  

[Pause!  Ad]  I got one too lol  [I think it depends on time stamp for PlutoTV.  We'll probably line up perfectly for the most part.  Also… Jeremy Renner!]  Oh, I got Renner too!  [Mayor of whatever it is?]  Yes. [Countttt!]  Midpoint?  [Oh.  Okay!  I forgot those existed…  DO ITTTTT]  😂😂😂😂

– – –

Jezebel: We could not live in these times…  Our bad luck would get the whole family executed with these rules ☠️

Wench: aldskjf That's true!  The trials kinda.  Suck

Jezebel: Also idk why I didn’t automatically think the guy was an imposter at the beginning lol… I was like oooof!  Is this like… are his hands tied and he has to do this? Orrr??

Wench: Nope :)  Athos was too busy drinking and getting a hangover and half drowning himself to be robbing and murdering.  Not that he would do it anyway, it must be said.

Jezebel: Imma go on and make the prediction that the Doctor Cardinal had hired the imposters

Wench: :))) I say nothingggg!

Jezebel: Really, that’s all I can think of rn! But I’m enjoying it!

Wench: OIIIII!  THE CHARACTERS!  You must at least address Athos, please, I beg.  (But also.  I'd appreciate you discussing the main four laksdjf)

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂 I definitely understand why Athos is your favorite

Wench: My beloved!  And you haven't even seen much yet

Jezebel: Lol!! And the other two are hilarious! Especially the flirty one! ☠️☠️

Wench: Aramis?

Jezebel: Ye

Wench: alkdsjflaksdjf  So... this is a show based loosely around a book.  When we get to endpoint, I'm telling you some Things, but I want to let you get the impression of the show first

Jezebel: And d’Art(I’m not even trying) is clearly young. His common sense is lacking ☠️

Wench: Precisely… Wait 'til I tell you about the book :) 

Jezebel: 💀💀💀💀  Also… I feel like this picture pretty much sums up the king ☠️☠️

Wench: asdlkfj Accurate

Jezebel: And I love that Treville stands up for Athos! Instead of just believing he’s guilty

Wench: So, that's a thing... He’s kinda SPN Bobby.  And he’s basically father figure to the Three + d’Art (eventually known as Les Inseparables, or The Inseparables) and they are basically his kids.  (And I wanna say this is especially true for Athos, but I could be wrong with that bit)  So this is basically his son going off to be executed

Jezebel: Ahhh! 🙂 lol

Wench: Also… The music might sound familiar.  Not fully, but like in that haunting way where you think you've heard it before but can't place it?  That’s because the theme and (I think) some of the score was done by Murray Gold (aka the guy who did Doctor Who's score during the bits you've seen)

Jezebel: Both are BBC right?

Wench: Yes.  And you'll notice a lot of overlap.  You remember Mr. Blue Sky dude?  Elton?

Jezebel: Ack! Yes

Wench: He's a villain in a later season named Rochefort

Jezebel: Ahhh! I see 🙂  Also, I want to do the next episode like noon tomorrow if you can! So I’m not tired 😂😂 cause I’m enjoying this and I want to more consciously enjoy it lol!

Wench: Sounds good!

Jezebel: Ready?

Wench: Yup!

– – – 

Ooooop!  [Louis, panicking: "I am not panicking"]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[This mf]

Why would his body still be at the inn ☠️☠️☠️  [Why wouldn't it? lakdsjf]  B-because it’s an inn  [And?  Ya stick the dead bodies wherever there's space alkdsjf]  “Oh don’t mind the body… Scuffle this morning.  It’ll decompose in time.  All good.  Cheerio!”  [Basically!]

[Fun lil character scene!  And by fun I mean Trauma (™)]  Le gasp

The- He really left ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  [alksdjflkdjf he did]

The womannnn!  Double crosssser

Oh shit.  They just all dead!  Tf?  [Yup!  Like I said: stick the bodies where ya can]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[btw... Musketeers = King's guard.  Red Guard = Cardinal's troops.  They're warring groups]  Ahhhhh! I see

Sir we know you’re in a massive library, so big there’s echo. But you don’t have to scream

Lol ☠️☠️☠️  [:))) I love Porthos and Aramis too!  It's not quiteeee to the same degree, but I adore them]  Yesss!  Flirt gives me Hook vibes. Just like he looks like him.  [Similar, yes.  There's some subtle difference or something (since I haven't hyperfixated on him) but yes]  😂😂😂

He turned into a dog

Oooop- [Constance, my beloved]  He’s been duped  [I really wanna know what happened to make her so friendly to Athos, ngl.  That was a really scandalous thing she just did]

Surprise is everything….  *two seconds later*  Surprise would have been everything

[Also, did I mention that Constance is badass?  Because she is]  No, you didn’t, but I love it

Get him d’Artinigo!  [... Ma’am]  That took so fucking long to type cause I couldn’t spell  Inigo. ☠️  [OH THAT'S- laksjdflkadsjf I thought it was just a typo]  😂😂😂

Well, shit

Ma’am! You were the one flirtinggggg and ring-twirling

[Heh heh heh.  You remember the formula for my faves?  Because um.  Heh.  Heh heh  Man be a bittttt uncaring about safety.]  *sigh*

Kid’s like yeahhhhh about before. Sorry  [He got an Athos Nod(™)]  🙂  [Athos Nod(™)s be important because man doesn't speak and he's gotta show respect somehow alskdjf]  That’s fair! ☠️☠️☠️ *sigh*

Ooooooof.  Well, damn, ma’am  [Yup]  DAMN  That’s dark af  [Yep]

Buddy… That’s your story now too

Ooooop- Bruh, he is just mordorring  [Makes you wonder why he needs Milady as an assassin]  Oh shit

Did he kill her with ol’ dude’s gun?  [I don't think so]

Oh shit  [Milady is such an interesting character, goodness]  I don’t .. are the priests allowed to say that ☠️  [They're not supposed to, but I guess they can] 

– – –

Jezebel: That shit was WILD! 😂😂😂  I really do like it tho!

Wench: GOOD

Jezebel: Poor Adele!

Wench: Yeah... She does get mentioned again, though.  It takes a bit, but she does.  She doesn't just get forgotten

Jezebel: My brain’s kinda all over the place… But poor Athos too!

Wench: You should go into more detail there :)  (Yes, I am going to try to sway you into Athos favoritism!  It's fine if you like the others more, but you need to know that this is happening.  My beloved!!!)

Jezebel: Loool!  Idk I really like Flirt!! 😂😂😂 but yeah I’ll probably fall for Athos before long 😂

Wench: Aramis?  THEN THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS LEARN HIS NAME

Jezebel: Flirt, Aramis, same name different font… and spelling, shush

Wench: But nah, tbh, you might well end up liking Aramis better.  Most people do, judging by what I've seen in the fandom, but I admit it's not a fully reliable poll

Jezebel: I like his and Porthos’s relationship. Also idk. I say personality but I haven’t seen MUCH of it yet. I just can tell from what I’ve see I’ll like him. If that makes sense 👀☠️

Wench: Yeah, I get it

Jezebel: Also, married gal and d’Art are cute. Even if she is married and he is googly-eyeing priest killer

Wench: Constance is awesome, I agree.  And, tbh, Milady is super cool, even if homicidal

Jezebel: Fair!  Also… The cardinal can go suck eggs in hell with Izzy. ☠️☠️  And the king. Is a child. Like most kings are

Wench: It gets worse

Jezebel: And… Honestly I can’t think of more so share away about the book

Wench: OKAY SO.  First off, I need to explain introductions of each of the characters.  They changed this for the show, and, as I said in this post (here), I appreciate the new version but also mourn the loss because.  d'Art, instead of trying to avenge his father, is actually going to Paris to become a Musketeer.  On the way, he stops at an inn and, while there, a dude disses his horse.  Despite the fact that no, actually, he doesn't much like his horse, and has been bemoaning being stuck with it since he started out, he now has to challenge dude to a duel. Then, he loses.

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Fast-forward to when he gets to the Garrison: he arrives just in time to hear Porthos/Aramis giving a report to Treville (which features the fact that Athos has gotten severely wounded in a fight, fun fact).  Fast-forward a little more, d'Art is mid-talking to Treville about possibly getting a job there when he sees the dude outside his window and is like... Damn this job interview; I must pursue the man who insulted the horse I insulted myself not two days ago.  (d'Art and his horse is a very "no one is mean to them but me" situation)

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Anyway, in the process of trying to track down this dude, he: a) literally runs head-first into Athos (aggravating his, did I mention, Severe wound in the process) and refuses to apologize, thus getting challenged to a noon duel; b) runs past Porthos and discovers something a bit embarrassing, and then proceeds to taunt Porthos about it for no reason, thus getting challenged to a one o’clock duel; and c) after losing the guy he was trying to hard to follow (AND.  LITERALLY WHILE HE IS TALKING ABOUT BEING LESS HOT-HEADED. Because he’s realized he just got duel challenges from two Musketeers.) he comes across Aramis, accidentally exposes the fact that he’s having an affair with a married woman (not Adele), and thus gets challenged to a two o’clock duel.  And all of this while running down a single stretch of road ☠️

Jezebel: My little clueless buddy… At least show!him is not quite THAT clueless

Wench: OH AND.  They're all each other's seconds, so they all show up to Athos' duel and are like.  Wait.  Wot.  Buddy got in a fight with all three of us?  And it swiftly becomes apparent that yes, he did.  Within the span of fifteen minutes.  AND.  This is all forgotten because then the Red Guard show up and are like "Oh, hold up, you're dueling?  That's against the rules!  Let us arrest you" and it turns into a duel.

Jezebel: 😂😂😂☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Anyway... the book follows a different plot from the show, but I'm not sure I can fully enumerate how.  The Athos/Milady backstory is pretty accurate, but her fate changes between the two.  (And across the other adaptations, which I also might make you watch, just btw.)  I think Constance existed in the book but Milady kills her?  If I recall correctly.  (Very different plotline from the show, I'll tell you that now.)  Aramis, btw — as hasn't been developed in-show yet, but is hilarious — is both a womanizer and deeply religiously devout.  He literally goes over to a woman's house to teach her Bible study

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂

Wench: And they study the Bible by studying God's gift of each other's bodies

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Wench: And.  I think the final thing that I haven't yet said.  The author of this book?  (The Three Musketeers?)  Is the same dude who wrote The Count of Monte Cristo.  He's one of if not my favorite author.  I read The Man in the Iron Mask too (which is the sequel to this book), but I hatedddddd it.  Not because of the writing, which was impeccable as ever, but because of what he did to the characters 😭

Jezebel: I’ve seen the one with Leo DiCaprio

Wench: Yeah, that's....  That's a story.  That's a very happy story.  Relatively.  If I recall correctly.  Only one of them dies.  In the book.  One of them gets exiled.  And the others.  All.  Fucking.  Die.  I sat there on the couch reading it and sobbing my eyes out because my dude killed off Athos' son, and then had Athos die of grief-tinged-old-age afterward.  The fucking pain.

Jezebel: 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ACK

Wench: He had a vision about it before the messenger even arrived btw

Jezebel: Ooooof 🥺🥺

Wench: I cried.  So fucking hard.  I legit did not recover for too long.

Jezebel: Well damn!! 😦 ack

Wench: Basically, in the book version, Aramis plots to replace the king with his twin, as was done in the film, but instead of it being successful, the king gets let back out of prison and takes over the throne again.  Aramis and Porthos go on the run, but Porthos dies in the process and Aramis is then essentially in exile, and d'Art dies in battle at the very end.  And Athos, as I said, has the above fate.  Still love Dumas, but he betrayed me with that

Jezebel: 💔💔💔💔

Wench: Anyway... comparably, the show is much lighter.  Is the good news!  And I think that’s all the book ranting I have.

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂

Wench: Next episode tomorrow?

Jezebel: YES!

[broodyjoey]

talking in this house feels like I'm invisible 75% of the time.

I don't even know how my voice is still intact. I haven't been speaking much, most of the time. I lost my voice in months where I just don't speak at all, because I'm just too tired to speak anymore. Who wants to talk to the air or walls? Not me, I actually want to talk to human beings that respond to me.

My ex was just like that, he would ignore me when he so much pleases. It was never about him being busy or slightly deaf like he feared. He just straight up told me that I'm annmoying so he ignores me whenever possible.

I wish I found a first relationship that was sweet and wonderful, but instead I gotten the worst ones. They're not pretty, they're not kind. They're awful. And they're a reflection of my parents actions to hurt me and I always couldn't escape them fast enough, always giving them 2nd chances.

Fuck myself, I want out of this hellhole and into the safe space that is going to be my forever home.

I don't want this, I wish to be free of these toxic drudges, filled with fear and pain. I want to be free. I want to learn what it means to be healthy in my inter-personal life.

I'll have to wait until I turn 35. I have to save money until then. But how?

I can't possibly survive until then. I'm barely living now. If only I could do a lavender marriage. Then we could potentially free 4 people at 1 go! It'll be brilliant!

But there's the question of where do I find the perfect friend to do such a project with?

😮‍💨 My only guy gay friend isn't interested in a little scam. My other friends tells me to knock it off. Damn fuck them, they all had their pretty little love stories, so they don't have to resort to complicated solutions like these.

I need out of this house so I will have to think of a way that saves money in the long term and even possibly earn me some money! Kinda like my aunt and her husband with their little trickeries. They're my role models, truly.

But I can't find someone who's interested in this. And so I have to live a hellish life here. What if one day I find a friend that is just being pressured to marry? OH that will be my ticket to freedom!!

Alas, I can only dream. Most guys forced to marry will probably have the additional condition that they have to bear a heir. Hell nah, I'm staying the hell away from that.

So how? How do I escape the house, while also not losing too much money, whilst hitting the target requirements for a house in the eyes of my country's very homophobic laws?

Die. Guess I'll just die.

Easier solution then whatever this is. 🤷🏻