#i know it’s kinda unnecessarily long but u guys like that sometimes

[21stc3nturyd1gitalb0y]

a lot of you got a kick out of my service dog’s battle jacket, so i thought i’d share some more pictures of the man himself.

i know people have a lot of stereotypes about what service dogs and their handlers are “supposed” to look like, and it confuses people to see a young, seemingly able bodied punk rocker with a service dog.

but i share this to say, that if you as a disabled person don’t see a life for yourself, you can create one. when i started to realize i was disabled almost 10 years ago, i certainly didn’t imagine this is where i’d be now. in fact, i didn’t even plan to making it to this point.

but a diagnosis doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. sometimes your world is just beginning. some people are of the belief that everything happens for a reason. me, not so much. i’ll never be grateful for the suffering i experienced in this world, but i will always, always be glad i chose to stay in it.

[actualbird]

hi zak just wanted to ask: what are some of your takes on Random Stuff the NXX Boys do™️? like,,, what are your hot-takes? have a nice day :D

hi there!! thank you SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK, it was so fun to think about and write and it was the perfect way to decompress from work. again, sorry this got long KJBSDKFJ, 1k words once more...

vyn richter

often forgets that his glasses are on his face when the situation would kinda be better if his glasses arent on his face; when hes having a hot drink (glasses fog up), when he decides to take a nap (glasses smush against his face). one time he was very tired and accidentally showered with them still on

he talks to his plants. it isnt because he believes in that thing where like, if you talk to plants, especially giving those plants encouragement, theyll grow better. it's more of like he just started doing it naturally because when hes doing gardening stuff hes very relaxed and idly chats to his plants about his day or whats on his mind. oh to be a plant vyn richter calmly speaks too...

he hates slow walkers with a passion, which is an unfortunate pet peeve when youre a professor on a campus. some students just walk as if theyre gonna live forever, theres no rush. he gets so annoyed by slow walkers blocking his way that he has an app on his phone thats a fake bike bell, just gotta tap it to make the sound of a bike bell. he taps it whenever slow walkers are having a frigging procession in front of him and he wants them outta his way and without fail, they move, not wanting to get run over by a bicycle. eventually though, students realize that 75% of the time, it's not going to be a bicycle. it's going to be dr. richter. and honestly, hes much scarier than getting run over by a bicycle.

-

artem wing

he edits and contributes to wikipedia pages, the absolute DORK. not just wikipedia pages, if theres a movie or book hes interested in, he might go on the wikia for it or wherever the general information hub is for that media and he contributes there too. artem finds a very soothing joy in just going through information and adding it to pages, IT'S FUN, STOP LAUGHING, CELESTINE!!!

many times in college, he would be found in the actual physical books section of the library arranging the books. he...does not work at the university library. he does not need to be doing this. he does it because he LIKES IT and none of the library volunteers like, stop him kjdfbkdjsf. why would they?? hes helping out and also having artem wing, handsome oblivious heartthrob, there in the library is PEAK EYECANDY. when neil finds out about this habit he is so confused at why his apprentice is Like This yet also kinda resigned about artem's nerditude

he likes learning new recipes but he gets so frustrated at recipe blogs that have a KILOMETRIC INTRODUCTION completely unrelated to the recipe. hes like "please, please, just show me the recipe" while scrolling down for the actual steps of the dish. and YET im completely sure that if artem decided to write down a recipe, he would do the exact same thing tho. just an unnecessarily long intro about the background of how he got to this recipe, the HISTORY of the recipe. later when mc goes through his little notebook where he writes his recipes shes like "oh my god, this is some kind of novel. that just so happens to have food in it."

-

marius von hagen

i hc that marius has like, an official twitter. hes a young guy and hes Like That, he absolutely has a twitter. he like, barely tweets though. on the rare moments when he does, it is so cryptic in a meme-y kinda way. "lol some of u", "the audacity...", "tfw." people who follow him are constantly like WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS REFERRING TO, and nobody will ever fucking know. what he mostly does on twitter is like tweets; jokes and funny shit, sometimes passive aggressively he likes shitty tabloid/rumor tweets of himself just so that op knows hes Watching

he pours the milk in the bowl first before the cereal. marius started doing this because he genuinely just liked it better this way, this way the cereal doesnt get soggy as fast and he likes the crunch. but the moment he learned that this habit ENRAGES PEOPLE, he loves this habit of his even more. he gets to fulfill his own cereal preferences AND be a little shit at other people?? huge win for marius. the Joy he got that one time he prepared a bowl of cereal at nxx hq (marius gets a cereal dispenser for the pantry, trust me on this, he does) in front of vyn and vyn just kinda...eye twitch as if marius personally insulted him. cereal tastes so much better when people are annoyed at him, marius thinks.

this is something he does not do on purpose, but when hes painting and hes drinking coffee, very often the paint water cup is close by the coffee mug. what im saying here is that marius, focused on his art, very often gets those two things wrong, HAHA. marius has put his paintbrush in his coffee. and marius has drunk paint water.

-

luke pearce

he has like these little joys of compulsion. like if theres a crunchy leaf where hes walking he needs to step on it. if there is a ceiling or sign he thinks he can reach he needs to jump up and give it a slap. if he sees a worm on the concrete sidewalk he needs to pick it up and place it in the soil. if hes in a clothing store he likes to Feel The Fabrics. minuscule things like this make him make happy, he really likes things that grant tiny satisfactions

i mentioned this in a past hc but im very passionate about it so i will say it again: luke pearce has questionable food habits. whenever hes grocery shopping he will Always gravitate to the discounted snacks that are discounted because theyre going to expire soon. whenever mc comes over he hides these snacks into a shame cupboard bc if she sees it shes going to scold him "luke, it's not as if you cant afford snacks that arent going to go bad in three days!!" and hes like "BUT STILL, IT'S A GOOD BARGAIN."

he tinkers with gadgets so much even when they dont need to be tinkered with, sometimes tinkering with mundane belongings of other people without their knowledge. like marius will be using a pen and then he twists it just right and suddenly it shoots out a FUCKIN TRANQ DART and he's immediately like "LUKE, WHAT THE HELL, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN." and luke is just like "oh, sorry. forgot to tell you. it also has a taser function!! :D" and marius is like "i use this pen for work, in WHAT situation will i need to tase somebody at Pax." and luke is like "You Never Know."

[kentojiis]

Hi!! My pronouns are she/her and I’d like to matched up with a guy from Haikyuu! I am ENFJ, (but sometimes enfp). I’m outgoing and generally nice to everyone, but I have a very sassy, goofy personality. Naturally flirty and very affectionate, and my love language is physical touch. I have my moments when I get shy and anxious, especially around someone I really have a crush on. Yet at the same time I’m the person always trying to hug and cuddle my friends even after roasting them. My favorite colors are blue, red, purple and pink. I love some teasing. I’m passionate about acting and singing. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I have long curly blackish hair and I’m 5’1. I’m a Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising and Gemini Moon. I am a caring and adaptable person, and like to make people happy I always finding a way to slip a stupid joke in🙄( joking is my coping mechanism) . My favorite food is tacos. I’m African-American. I don’t have a specific type, but I do like someone with goals and passion. I like someone that I can relate to. I like someone I can laugh with and also have real conversations with. I’m so into the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, yet sometimes I act like a little boy💀. I like being taken care of but also being independent. I can be loud asf, even just when normally talking cause I usually have a lot of energy. As far as style goes, it varies from 12 year old boy with some joggers and a t-shirt wayyyy too big for me , to like a 90s baddie with some hoops on, to girly with skirts, sweaters and some knee high socks. As far as accomplishments go, I’ve won state in theater and continue to pursue film acting. It’s something I’m very passionate about and want to pursue as a career. Some flaws of mine are overthinking and my anxiety. Like I’ll overthink an entire situation before I really know what happened and assume that someone like hates me. I am a driven person with lots of goals and making them happen but,My anxiety can get kinda bad, i get all shaky and I care a lot about what people think of me (although I try to deny it). I’ll kinds just shut down and get uncharacteristically quiet. But im like scary good at hiding it, since I’m such an extroverted person..and I don’t like feeling like a burden...you have to be good at paying attention to detail, or I’ve gotta be comfortable to enough to confess whats really going on in my head. So I’ll need someone who can bring me back to earth every now and then. But it’s getting better with time and I’m trying to stress myself out less. When I’m out I’ve got such a big personality and I’m making dumb jokes and dancing, but when I get home I’m just chilling and watching anime. (Although I will dance and make jokes if I feel like it). I tend to hyper fixate on things I like and talk a lot about them. And I’m a night owl!

I hope that this wasn’t too specific! And Please stay healthy and hydrated :) -🤩💖

i match you with... BOKUTO KOUTARO

↶ i think you and bokuto would be a good match!!

↶ both physically affectionate, so it would be easy to express your love for each other.

↶ he would love your sassy and goofy personality, and match it. maybe less sassy and a lot goofier, but it would work.

↶ 100% will get flustered if u flirt with him a lot, but would also try to flirt back.

↶ bokuto definitely only listens to whatever the radio is playing, but if you try to introduce him to new music, he will give you all of his attention for however long you want it

↶ will actually be pretty excited to listen to different music. i think he has great music taste, but had no idea where to start listening to new music, and what he would like exactly, so he just didn't.

↶ totally understand when you get shy or anxious (or both), and tries his best to comfort you. gets whatever you might need as fast as he can, but you bet ur ass he'll feel unnecessarily guilty for leaving you alone at all, and will probably smother you when he gets back.

↶ bear hugs for days, babes.

↶ try to roast him at your own peril. he's spent far too much time around kuroo tetsuro the menace himself, and roasting bokuto will end one of two ways. you get brutally roasted back, or bokuto forgets you're joking and gets a little sad.

↶ very easy to cheer him up if he does get a little sad about it. now is the time for you to smother him. lots of hugs and cuddles and as many kisses as you can manage.

↶ whenever he gets you anything, he tries to make it one of ur favourite colours. like you passively mentioned wanting a new hoodie? here you are you now have a blue one. he won't be excessive with it, but he really wants you to like whatever he gets you, and you have favourite colours, therefore if he gets you something of that colour, you'll like it. (don't question my logic here, im on a sugar high i haven't had a lot of sugar for several days and just chugged a soda and also am having a lot of icecream rn)

↶ bokuto loves curly hair. like he just loves how it looks, every curl pattern is so interesting to him, you can fight me on this. will stare at you like this (O-O) if you're doing your hair bc he thinks its so amazing. dont ask him why, he just thinks its cool. will ask you a million questions if you're comfortable and want to tell him.

↶ bokuto will TRY to make you tacos, but its likely that he might not be able to find the exact ingredients he'll need for them. HE'LL IMPROVISE, but his kitchen will be a wreck after bc he was so nervous making them bc he wanted to impress you and make sure you enjoyed them. he spilled so many things everywhere.

↶ loves that you're independent, but also pls let him take care of u sometimes. he gets worried. BUT ALSO take care of him too bc i he loves u <3.

↶ half your style is stuff he has in his closet, and he will scream in his head and hug u so tight if u wear his clothes sometimes. he loves whatever you decide to wear, and will compliment the hell out of you.

↶ will be loud with you <33

↶ bokuto is surprisingly very good at reading people!! through personal experience and a lot of time spent trying to understand things from other people's point of view. if you're panicking, he can tell. does whatever you need him to, no questions asked. well, maybe one, but only "is there anything i can do?" in the softest voice he can manage.

↶ will try to stay up late with you, but ends up falling asleep on top of you or with half of his body crushing you.

↶ he hyper fixates on a fair share of his own things and would be ecstatic if you could listen to him talk about it, and he would love to listen to you talk about whatever you were hyper fixating on as well!!

[cherokeecharles]

What U Watchin’ #1: Degrassi High (1989) #1

Hi you guys, so currently I’m on break and I thought it’d be a good idea to write. Recently I’ve been catching up on Tv, more specifically old tv shows and rewatching to see if I missed anything I misunderstood when initially watched when I was a minor.

Degrassi was a teen drama show about a group of students, throughout this series they tackled issues like racism, homophobia, Islamophobia, mental illness and many other serious topics. All of these stories were told through the perspective of the students.

Now what I realized is that most people didn’t know that Degrassi started way back in the 80’s and we see some of the characters that we know as parents in Degrassi: Next Generation are actually students at the school. Spike, Snake, Caitlin, and Joey were the familiar faces that appeared in Degrassi Junior High. When I watched Degrassi junior high it was as if the adult characters who I knew and loved were completely different people, watching the show gave me context on why they were a certain way when on Degrassi: The next generation.

Archie ‘Snake’ Simpson was always the reliable friend who most people can depend on to do the right thing even when no one was watching. While watching you could tell that he was used to playing it safe so I now understand why he chose to become a teacher at Degrassi years later. What was really interesting was that in Degrassi high they tried to tap into his relationship with Spike, it showed that Spike had romantic interest in and he did too but it didn’t work out for them and they moved on from that plot in the episode, also it was cute to see him around Emma knowing that in DTNG he became a father figure in her life. It was a bit predictable to see snake as a teacher and a principal because he was always wise beyond his years. He looked out for the people around him and he often had his life together when other peoples life was falling apart. He was on a straight and narrow path to success due to his strict parents. Him being a principal and teacher to teach students right from wrong and not was something he was destined to do because of his natural leadership skills. What now makes sense to me since I watched the show is that is that in DTNG when he had a rebellions streak and cheated on Spike now since I have context behind him as a character I now understand that his rebellious streak came later in life because of how he was raised. He was raised with strict parents who didn’t even tolerate him having a gay brother so the minute he got a little freedom in a better hold on life he acted out in a weird way, and it looked bad on him because he was a grown man with kids when he encountered rebellious stage. Overall he was a predictable character but it was good to have context on Snake as a kid and why he chose to stay at Degrassi for so long.

Spike was the first teen mom in the Degrassi franchise ever. She got pregnant when she was in the eighth grade for her then boyfriend Shane McKay. While watching the show I was frustrated with her because I felt like she was unnecessarily harsh on Shane, Shane’s parents wanted to keep him away from the baby because they didn’t agree with teen pregnancy. When Emma was born he wasn’t there because they sent him away to camp for the whole summer. When she came back she was met with a cold shoulder Spike and she didn’t allow him to see or hold Emma only make child support payments. I thought that she was being hardheaded and making the situation worse than what it was, she did get an opportunity to meet Shane‘s parents and they told her to her face that they don’t support him having a baby and her keeping the baby so she already knew what the situation was. But when I thought of it later on she was only 13 or 14 years old having a baby in Junior high school. Spike had a harder because she was the mother and she didn’t have a choice but to take care of Emma since she wanted to keep it. She was lucky that she had a good support system like her mom behind her. I slowly understood her frustration towards Shane because she had to grow up at 14 years old and the only thing he had to do was pay the child support and even sometimes he couldn’t do that because he still wanted to be a kid. I respect spike as a character now than I did before because she had it harder than most of the other classmates. She was a good mother to Emma and I think she wanted her to be better than what she was, I admire the open and honest relationship they had with each other because it kinda reflects the relationship that Spike had with her mother.

Joey was the character I was most shocked by while watching. Joey wants to trade as a ladies man and the class clown. He rarely takes school seriously and that did lead him to getting held back a year in junior high while his friends went on. With him being left back in the eighth grade we got to see the relationship between him and Caitlin begin. While he was together with Caitlin you did see a huge improvement of how he was in school and how he treated other people. Joey was very selfish but with Kaitlyn she hardly tolerated his selfishness and she always get up for herself and let him know that she will leave if she felt like she wasn’t being treated right. While he was together with Caitlin he learned how to consider other people’s feelings and do better with himself as his grades started to get better when she was with him. Watching him on DTNG he owns a used cars lot, it was kind of funny to see that because in the original Degrassi he wanted this car so bad that he walked in school naked so he could buy one so it came full circle that he was now an owner. Also on Degrassi Next Generation, I feel like Joey often showed regret for how he acted when he was his younger self. From the first episode of the reunion he couldn’t even face Caitlin properly when he first saw her. To see him as a family man was unexpected, he was portrayed in Degrassi High as someone who only cared about himself but now he has to look after his mentally ill step son and his toddler daughter alone. I think the way Joey’s storyline played out was perfect because he was ‘the man’ in high school and to see him humbled and mature enough to care about someone other than himself was a perfect way to show his growth as a character.

This the end of the post! This post was mainly about the characters and some of their storylines, I’m not sure if I should go in depth about it yet but I’m working on more posts!

Now since I’ve written so much and I have a lot more to say this will be an ongoing series! I have more characters to review from this show and I’m so excited to share.

See you later🤎✨

[phoebehalliwell]

!!!! Piper finding out she's pregnant with Kyle's baby!!!!

okay no but see i’ve been thinking about an au where like we go like balls to the fall canon with piper and kyle still a slowburn obvi but. season six still remains pretty much intact expect for the fact that, while chris knows he’s piper’s son, he has no idea who his father is bc, in the dark future variant of the piper/kyle timeline kyle would definitely end up sacrificing himself to save piper fully not knowing that she was pregnant (odds are she didn’t even know) which would probably be a breaking point for piper okay let’s go into detail.

chris (khris? lmao? wait should i remain him after kyle’s dad? jon hamm? jack. shure we’ll call him jack to differentiate even tho u gotta admit. kyle!chris would basically be the same as canon!chris bc like. look at him. like he is very much Not like leo. but like. could ever easily be kyle’s son. but, to differentiate, here’s jack halliwell, the bastard of the charmed line.) bc wyatt is the son of a piper halliwell and leo wyatt this is a known fact especially because leo remains one of the last pillars of the elders in said dark future and everyone begs him to do some grand act to stop wyatt but he never does that’s his son that is his son he can’t he cannot kill him he still believes there’s some good in wyatt there has to be some good in wyatt we’ll say jack even had an opportunity to kill wyatt after killed piper and leo intervened and saved wyatt’s life which is why, if chris hates leo, it’s nothing compared to jack’s beef. and like. quite frankly. okay here me out this timeline is about to get real weird. leo becomes and elder at the end of s5, jack’s doing as he steps into his place as the charmed ones whitelighter, seeing as he’s still a witchlighter. kyle takes the place of sheridan in the sense that he enters the narrative in s6. jack, for the record, has no idea this is his father. kyle works kinda parallel to the story, jack is trying to find out exactly what’s going on with wyatt becoming evil to no avail, kyle’s like idk doing something they have interacted a couple times they don’t like each other. we push forward the avatars narrative, giving gideon pause. evil wyatt isn’t possible in utopia, the avatars would neutralize him before he became a threat. gideon actively advocates for the avatars. kyle becomes more integrated as the avatars become more relevant, jack continues his digging on the wyatt situation, somehow finds out that gideon was the one who turned wyatt evil by attempting to murder him, which immediately brings into question the avatars, since gideon is such a big fan of theirs. does a bit more digging, finds out that utopia comes at the cost of free will, anyone who isn’t perfect is eliminated. he’s about to blow the cover on the whole thing when either gideon or the avatars kill him. piper is devastated bc like we’ll say she still knew that was her son. like he’s been there a while phoebe’s a psychic and at some point he’s kinda gotta fess up as to how and why he knows so much about the family. and his death has been pinned on somebody else in a play to get piper’s support behind the avatars. kyle becomes more integral here as, up until this point, he’s assisted on a couple cases (i.e. a styx feet under situation, but his main focus has always been the avatars) but piper’s like listen they just killed my son i need everything in my arsenal to get revenge and i mean if there’s one language he speaks it’s revenge. kyle and piper together are actually amazing at deciphering jack’s notes because it like walks immediately down the middle road of how their brains works which for the record they literally never piece together the part where jack’s their son, but, in all fairness, jack didn’t know that either. issue being jack had multiple theories so there are a lot of one off demon adventures to further strengthen their bond and like. piper still doesn’t fully trust kyle. also jack was her son, so there’s a personal element here too, but the main reason piper has the most interaction with kyle is because she’s protecting her sisters from him because she still does not trust him for shit, and she wants to keep him distant from her family which is undeniably her vulnerabile spot. and like, kyle is 100% aware she’s doing this, but he doesn’t really care because, again, his primary motivation is stopping the avatars. everything he does is just to get him closer to that goal. he just has to get piper to trust him because he’s feeling like the power of three is crucial to that goal. catch-22 tho, because it is the feeling that he needs the power of three that makes piper so untrusting of him. the jack cases are their bonding era where they start to steer away from their previous mindsets. we see kyle do something entirely selfless, without ulterior motive. we knows he did this, piper does not. blah blah blah, they get to the meat of the matter with jack’s notes and find out the whole avatars/gideon thing just in time to stop utopia, kyle dies in the process. as he saved the world, they make him a whitelighter, and, as an act of good faith because after learning gideon’s plans for evil wyatt, piper is very very against the elder, and then also because the charmed ones have been without whitelighter since jack, they assign kyle as their new whitelighter. blah blah blah something something something again. slowburn. this time added, because piper has done the forbidden love thing once before and she’s not gonna do it again. and kyle’s like that’s my coworker. whatever respect i have for piper is professional. and paige and phoebe are also there like. like piper and kyle are drift compatible (in a sense, piper hates his moral compass and yells at him a lot, but they understand how the other thinks) phoebe thinks kyle is weird and paige thinks kyle has a major stick up his ass (which he does!!) also. fuck it. kyle keeps his job at the fbi like how are they gonna know he died. and sinces he’s a newly minted whitelighter it’s not like he’s got other charges. it’s just the charmed ones and then working at his job. so blah blah blah piper will bring cases to him he will bring cases to piper so on and so forth again. slowburn. he’s literally their whitelighter piper’s still like. don’t trust him. sometimes kyle says this is how you should do that and piper chews him out because like. fuck you!! and then maybe ends up doing it that way anyways which kyle will be really smug about he’ll never bring it up in conversation but again piper and kyle’s communication is unspoken so she knows when he’s invoking it and he knows that she knows. and phoebe and paige both have two insanely different views to their relationship piper and kyle are talking strategy while paige scrys (scries?) and piper’s brewing potion and her and kyle are like. they’re in disagreement meaning it’s a lot of silence a long of prolonged, bitter stares, stubbornness, speaking in low and controlled voices in an attempt to sound like the more rational one when it’s very obvious both of them wanna be yelling their points but they’re not it’s all in a very low register it ends with kyle yielding grabbing the final potion ingredient getting unnecessarily close to piper and saying i guess you know best dropping the ingredient in and orbing out in the puff of smoke from the potion and piper just keeping her gaze level even after he’s gone with just steel in her eyes like you’re goddamn right i do  like the energy doesn’t dissipate she’s still buzzing from it and paige just over in the corner of the attic like ...............................so um. have you guys fucked about it yet? and piper’s like have we what (yes.) and paige is like yeah there’s a lot of unresolved tension there it’s getting pretty weird to be in a room with the two of you so you should probably um. fuck about it. Versus. piper phoebe and kyle being all out on some excursion kinda akin to the things w the guardian angels where there’s press everywhere and they’ve saved the day and are trying to get the hell out of dodge and there are press cameras and kyle sees them first and immediately positions himself in between them and piper piper notices the cameras and tenses up kyle puts his hand on piper’s lower back to steer the two of them out of the maze of a media frenzy and phoebe’s like Oh. you two are In Love in love. which piper is absolutely against like absolutely not no and phoebe’s like oh come on you told him about your fear of the press after the prue thing i can tell the way he moved to get you out of that situation and piper’s like i’ve literally never told him that and phoebe like okay well. he knows regardless, which actually speaks volumes more than if you had told him. so congrats!! and piper’s like no. absolutely not. paige and phoebe compared notes after they find out they have bold made bold statements about piper and kyle and then realize that not only have they definitely slept together they are also definitely in love and Do Not Realize It

[princeazurathepathetic]

Okay so, Imma put some warnings about this: There is swearing, quite a bit in fact

This is about Gender Dysphoria

Very very minor Verdant Wind spoilers

Also about a young man that is trans but hasn't came out yet

Mentioned parental abuse because Count Gloucester is terrible

No Lorenz hating allowed!

Trans Lorenz

Angst

Not the happiest ending, but it's not sad either

Ty for reading, if u like it plz tell me! I also take constructive criticism. It's kinda long.

Maybe They Need Her

It was happening again. Why did this always happen? It was completely unbefitting of his station, and yet very often, Lorenz felt this way. Awkward, confused, unhappy, slightly nauseous, and anxious. He wished he wouldn't, it made social interaction so much harder, and that's almost always when it happened. 

He had been out with the rest of the Golden Deer. Raphael had suggested that they all went out to celebrate their recent victory at a local restaurant, that also happened to have a bar, pre Leonie's request. Leonie, Hilda, and the professor had jumped on the idea, Claude had seen nothing wrong with the idea, and Lysithea had immediately wanted to as soon as she'd heard that there was going to be desert. Marianne, had been wanting to push herself and participate in more social interaction, so she also thought it sounded like a good idea. And Ignatz wanted to go since Raphael was hosting it, and he would take any excuse to be around Raphael. Lorenz, of course, wanted to go as well, it wouldn't do for a noble of his class and station to be the only one not to go. Also, lately he and Claude, had started to understand each other, and he wanted to truly get to know him better. 

The night had been going extremely well, Lysithea had eaten nothing but cake the entire time, Hilda had somehow convinced half the people in the bar to buy her drinks, Raphael had eaten half the restaurant's for supply, Ignatz and Marianne both seemed to actually be enjoying themselves, and Leonie and the professor had arm wrestled a total of thirty six times. Everyone was happy, and then Hilda announced that she had promised Lysithea and Marianne that she'd take them shopping for clothes. Lysithea seemed like she would rather do anything else claiming: 

"Oh, um, we don't have to, Hilda. Don't want to ruin the party…" in which she got a 

"Nonsense! I promised you!" 

The Professor had asked if she and Leonie could come along. Leonie did NOT seem happy about that, but Hilda had agreed before she could say anything. 

"Us girls NEED to go shopping! It's the funnest thing EVER! Come on, dont’cha want some girl time?" 

"No! And I call bullshit! We could train, or spar, or literally do ANYTHING else. What's so fun about shopping and dressing up!?" 

"Come now Leonie, we'll spar after okay? That way we can do something everybody likes." 

"But Professor! I don't want to spar! That’s too much work!"

 "Hilda, it's called a compromise." 

Lorenz half listened to them as they argued their way toward the door. He wished he could go with them, but he didn't know why. What was so fun about shopping? 

Still he asked, "Are we going to go with them?"and he immediately regretted doing so. 

"And what? Buy dresses and talk about makeup? Nah. That's all girly stuff." 

"Yeah, so who wants to do something actually fun? How about a drinking contest?" 

There it was. The feeling. He didn't know why it always came on at times such as these, but it did. The anxiety, confusion, and awkwardness, was unbearable at times, and he knew deep down what caused it but he’d never admit it.  He didn't really feel like being out socialising, but he knew he wasn't going to stop, he was a noble afterall, and therefore, must set the noble standard. 

"Hey, you okay Lorenz?" 

Claude was giving him that warm smile he knew so well, but his eyes were boring into Lorenz's soul. He hated it when Claude looked at him like that. It just made him even more uncomfortable. 

"I'm perfectly fine, why do you ask, Claude?" 

"Because you look like you're about to puke." 

By the Goddess he hated how casual Claude's way of speech was, it irritated him to no end, but he'd learned to accept that Claude was never going to change. 

"Please, Claude, you think I'd get sick so easily? I’m a Gloucester, we don’t just drop dead idly.”

 “Uh huh, it’s called concern Lorenz, you don’t look so good, so I asked if you were okay. And it doesn’t look like you are, you’re being even more snappy than usual. You’re sweating profusely, and you look highly uncomfortable.”

 Oh. since when did Claude start paying such close attention to him? He wished that he didn’t, Lorenz didn’t like it when people worried unnecessarily over him. Or, really he didn’t like it when people worried about him at all, it was weird and uncomfortable to say the least. He opened his mouth to protest what Claude had said, but felt himself unable to, due to the look Claude was giving him, he really was boring into Lorenz’s soul.

 “I- uh…”

 “You know what guys? I’m gonna take Lorenz back to the monastery. He seems to be feeling unwell.”

 “What? But I have already told you, I am perfectly well.” 

But it didn’t really matter what Lorenz said as Claude steered him out of the restaurant, back toward the monastery. Although Lorenz protested the whole way back, inside he was profusely thanking the goddess for getting him out of that drinking contest. As soon as they got back into Lorenz’s dormitory, Claude shut the door, giving Lorenz his serious look. It always felt odd for Lorenz, when Claude dropped the carefree, charismatic, happy, facade, since he seldom did so. 

“So, are you going to explain to me what’s wrong?” 

“I-I don’t know what… Ahem. What you’re talking about.”

 Why was he losing his composure? The feeling still hadn’t gone away, and recently he’d been finding it hard to lie so much around Claude. 

“Come on, we both know that something’s up, and I want to know what it is. I can’t have you getting sick, we’re marching on to the Empire soon ``

''I’m not sick!” 

“Then what’s up?” 

“Listen, sometimes I just start feeling a bit... Uncomfortable -for no particular reason!- when speaking with others, but it’s not a big deal, and certainly not something a noble such as myself can’t handle.” 

“Sooo… Is it social anxiety?” 

“No. I simply feel awkward and unhappy when people speak of-” 

Lorenz cut himself off, he did not want to talk about this, especially not with Claude, even though they’d been working to better know each other, he still was a Riegan, and if word of this got to his servants or advisers, they’d use it against the entire Gloucester clan, and then his father would find out, which would be the absolute worst thing that could happen to Lorenz. “When people speak of... what?” 

“Nothing, I misspoke.” 

“Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

 “Possibly.” 

“Sarcasm? Really?” 

“Who said it was sarcasm?”

There was a snort of laughter from Claude’s side of the room, maybe he’d distracted Claude just enough to get out of this conversation.

“Okay, but back to the topic at hand. You know that I’m not gonna stop bugging you until you tell me.”

“Well that’s awfully mature.” 

“So… Spill it.”

“Very well, but you must swear that you will not mock me. Or tell anyone.”

“Geez Lorenz, didn’t realise it was such a terrible secret. Heh.”

“Swear Riegan!”

“Fine. I swear, Gloucester.”

“I get very anxious and uncomfortable when others around my person speak of gender.”

He spoke rather frankly in desperate hopes that it wouldn’t seem like a big deal and hopefully that Claude wouldn’t ask the questions he was dreading. Unfortunately, luck wasn’t on his side that day.

“Why?”

“How should I know!? I am simply speaking the truth to your inquiries you so desperately need answered, apparently.”

Claude chose to ignore these remarks, much to Lorenz’s further irritation.

“So, lemme get this straight. You get highly uncomfortable, anxious and awkward whenever people talk about gender related topics and stuff?”

“Yes. Gender related topics, and stuff.”

“And you don’t know why.”

Claude gave Lorenz the look of ‘you better be telling the truth.’ Lorenz was fully prepared to lie. Hell, most of him wanted to lie, but there was this small part of him, the selfish part of him, who just wanted someone else to know, anyone else to know. Well except his family of course, the last thing he wanted was for them to know. And here was his opportunity, a chance handed to him on a silver plate. Maybe this was meant to happen.. Maybe this was the Goddess herself, taking pity on his sorry self, and giving him an opportunity to talk to someone. Well, if that was the case, who was he to decline a blessing from the Goddess. He answered.

“Well…”

“Come on Lorenz, tell me the truth. We’re friends now, right? I’m not gonna rat out any of your dark secrets.”

“Dark Secrets? What do you take me for? I have no ‘dark secrets’. The very notion!”

“Well, then what?”

“I just…- here it came, he was really going to say it- I don’t want… I don’t want.. To be a man.”

He’d said the last part so quietly, he’d be surprised if Claude could have possibly heard. He hadn’t.

“Sorry? Gonna have to repeat that.”

“I don’t want to  be a man!” It came out incredibly loud this time but he didn’t even care, this was something that he’d been keeping to himself since he was fourteen, and wasn’t going to come out very noble.

“I never have! That is to say, I didn’t truly give it much thought in my childhood years, but since i was fourteen years of age, I have felt uncomfortable in the identity that I had, and confused about my gender, andabout how and why others viewed me, I haven’t wanted to be seen as a man, or as anything similar since that young age, I have wanted to be… Have wanted to be a woman! That’s what I wish I was! And it makes me so confused, and anxious, and unhappy, when others start talking about male stereotypes, and gender conformity, and, and, and really about anything relating to gender. Hell, I get uncomfortable when others refer to me as ‘he’ or ‘him’. And I- I-”

Why was it so hard to breath, and the easiest it had ever been, at the same time? Why was he saying this? Why was he saying it to Calude? Why was he yelling like some drunken commoner off the streets? Why did he even feel this way? Why couldn’t he just be normal? Without starting drama? And being a disgrace to his family name? He was a noble for the goddess’s sake! He should be the picture of perfection and grace, and model for his people! Not some fucked up failure that his Father was always disappointed in! Why was he so- so-

“Lorenz, calm down. You need to breathe, ok? Everything’s okay, calm down.”

He could feel Claude;s hand on his shoulder, as he tried to calm Loenz down, he tried to look at Claude, but his vision was blurry. Tears? Why the hell was he crying!? He’s got nothing to cry about! He is lucky and privileged to be of a noble house! To be the heir to so much money and power! To be living in a time with so many changed ideals. To have crest. Unlike so many noble children who are disowned at birth, because of not having one. He is lucky. He is spoiled. So why the fuck was he breaking down so easily? If his father could see him now, he’d be screaming at him to stop embarrassing his image! Why was he like this?

“Lorenz! Listen to me! You’re okay! I’m here, you can talk to me.”

“Apologies, I-I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Lorenz, this is a lot of bottled emotion, that’s been saved up for years. Let it out.”

“I- he tried to talk. But he was heaving trying to control his emotion and breathing.

“Lorenz, If this is truly so important to you… Why don’t you change your gender? This is Fódlan. It’s gotten pretty progressive, and you know nobody here at the monastery would be a dick about it, we’re all like family here, and we’ll always support each other.”

“I thank you for the sentiment, but it’s not the Golden Deer that i worry over. I’m a noble, and as such I must meet the noble standard. If I came out as ‘transgender’ it would be the biggest scandal House Goucester has ever faced. It would ruin my family.”

“I disagree, it would be a step forward. Not backward. As you remind us yourself constantly. Us nobility have to set an example for our people, we must show them what is right. Blah blah blah. If nobody in the nobility ever adopts modern ideals, then what does that teach our people about what is wrong and what is right?”

“I understand where you are coming from, ignoring your ‘blah blah blah’s’. But I don’t ever think my family would allow such ridicule. I’d probably be disowned for just thinking about changing my gender. And that would leave House Gloucester without an heir, and that would be a total disaster.”

 

“Hey. Who’s literally in charge of The Alliance in the first place? Me. And I have absolutely taken our country’s ideals and flipped them on their head. You think I give a shit if some stuffy nobility care that I want to unite Fódlan and the rest of the world? No. I don’t. And I wouldn’t get anywhere if I did, because The Alliance nobles are quite averse to change.”

“Well, you do realise, that it is actually important for a ruler to listen to others on his council. Secondly, these are not people who I can stand to let down, this is my father and family, I refuse to be the weak link in my noble bloodline.”

“If your father would disown you for accepting modern ideals, are you sure you’re really the ‘weak link’?”

“What!? What are you even suggesting? My father is a respectable and decent man, who although at times can be a bit of a dick, is overall a proper and honorable noble!”

“Sorry, sorry. I meant no offense, and I can tell you need some time alone, but just, think about it okay? You know that me, and the rest of the Golden Deer-

“The rest of the Golden Deer and I-

“Me and the rest of the Golden Deer, are here for you and we’ll support whatever you choose to be and do. Within reason of course.”

“Thank you Claude, I promise you that I will think about it. And I must also thank you for listening to me, through my.. Er, ungraceful freakout…”

“Hey, No problem. It happens to all of us. And, hey, come find me if you ever want to talk about anything, alright?”

“Very well, I suppose I could take you up on your offer. Good night Claude. Goddess bless.”

It was quiet, alone in his dormitory, looking out the window. There was hardly a sound, the whole monastery was silent. But Lorenz could not notice, for the thousand voices in his head, debating whether what Claude said was true… Was it? Lorenz thought, and thought, maybe the noble standard had changed. Maybe his father was wrong about tramsgender and other queer folk. Maybe he did deserve to be who he wanted. Maybe, just maybe, the world needed him as he wanted to be. No not him, maybe they needed her.

Maybe…

[starryviolentine]

Color Me Blue (That’s Me Without You): A Pre-Apocalypse Story

Part 1 (here)     Part 2 (here)     Part 3 (here) Part 4 (here)     Part 5 (here)     Part 6 (here)

Part 7/10: Message Sent

Leave it to Little Miss Violet to keep Therissa on her toes by constantly coming up with new and improved ways to embarrass the hell out of her. There she is at her desk, minding her own business and chatting with some of her friends before homeroom when the bell rings. Therissa turns to face the front of the room, ready for another uneventful day to start, but instead of hearing her teacher’s monotonous voice start roll call, the classroom door bursts open and in stumbles some random kid, probably from the middle or elementary school judging by her size, who must have gotten lost on her way to class. Therissa rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Seriously, some of these little twerps are so clueless.

Whatever. That's not her problem. Therissa pulls out a pen, spins it on her fingers a few times, then starts to doodle on the edge of her notebook.

“Yo, Girl,” whispers Nadia from behind her, “isn’t that your roommate?”

Her first instinct is to laugh because there’s no freaking way, but then her eyes widen when she realizes her friend isn’t messing around. Therissa whips her head towards the door and narrows her eyes, trying to get a better look. From her seat in the back corner of the room, it’s hard for her to make out any facial features, but whoever it is has the same light blonde hair and is just as lanky as…

“Oh my god,” Therissa mutters to herself, standing abruptly and storming over to the door. She grabs Violet by the arm and drags her out into the hallway, ignoring her teacher calling after her to get back inside. Once they’re far enough to not be overheard, Therissa frowns down at her unexpected visitor and speaks in an agitated but hushed voice. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

Violet breaks free from the teen’s grasp and rubs her sore arm. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“And this really couldn’t have waited until later?” 

“It’s Brody.”

“What happened?” Noticing that her roommate looks somewhat distressed, Therissa starts to feel a tad worried herself. A million different scenarios play through her mind. Knowing Brody, it could be anything. Is she sick? Did she twist her ankle doing ballerina spins too close to the stairs again? Or, god forbid, could she have had another anxiety attack? Therissa hopes it’s not the latter. Brody hasn’t had a big one in such a long time. “You guys aren’t fighting again, are you?”  

Violet shakes her head. “No, no, it’s just... I think there’s something bothering her. She was saying all this weird stuff... and, like, she just seemed really upset.”

“Where is she?”

“Our room. She wouldn’t get out of bed,” says Violet, looking at her shoes. “Um, remember when you did my nails a few days ago?” 

Unsure of where this is going, Therissa raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, why?”

“Well, like, I think she’s sad that she missed out… and now she thinks that she did something wrong, or that you hate her or something.”

Therissa didn’t know what she was expecting, but this is definitely not it. “She seriously said that?”

“Yeah, something like that. She didn’t want me to tell you, but…” Violet trails off, voice full of guilt. “I thought you should know.” 

Biting back a string of curse words, Therissa closes her eyes and takes a slow, deep breath. Dealing with an emotional Brody wasn’t exactly on the list of things she wanted to do today, but she has to fix… whatever this is. She can’t believe this is happening. “Please don’t tell me she cried.”

Violet looks up at her sheepishly. “Kinda sorta.”

“Shit.” Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Therissa takes a moment to process all of this information and figure out what her next step should be. “Okay, look, I’ll go talk to her. You need to get to class. We can’t have both of you missing or they’re gonna think I had something to do with it.”

Therissa only manages to shoo Violet away after reassuring her that, yes, she swears that she’s going to check in with Brody as soon as class is over. The little messenger hesitates for a moment longer, but then she nods and disappears down the stairs to, hopefully, whatever class she’s already supposed to be in. Therissa heads back to her own classroom as well, making sure to look cool and calm when she walks through the door so people don’t bombard her with questions. A few of her classmates stare as she silently returns to her seat, but she ignores them until they eventually lose interest and turn back to the front of the room. 

Class resumes, and although Therissa tends to space out during this teacher’s unnecessarily lengthy, certified-to-put-you-to-sleep lectures to begin with, this morning she’s finding it particularly difficult to pay attention. Her mind starts to wander, so to speak, and she finds herself completely and utterly preoccupied with thoughts about her auburn-haired roommate. Something about what Violet said just isn’t sitting well with her. Therissa’s a typical teenager - that’s how she sees herself, at least - so of course she’s already got a lot on her own plate. There are so many other things that would be a much better use of her time than literally sitting here worrying about Brody. 

And yet, here she is. 

Since when did she care so damn much? 

This isn’t like the time Violet went M.I.A. for a few hours. It’s different. The fact that Brody is apparently upset because of her has left Therissa with a sickish feeling in her gut, kind of like how she feels after a whole day of binging on nothing but greasy junk food. Okay, sure, she and Violet did spend some time together over the long weekend and, yeah, she did do Violet’s nails, but Brody just wasn’t there when it happened. Therissa wasn’t trying to make anyone feel left out. Not once did she think that her other roommate would take it the wrong way. And besides, Brody’s not even allowed to use nail polish. 

Therissa leans her head against her hand and bites her lip in vexation. Maybe that’s the problem. She didn’t think. Knowing how emotional that kid can get sometimes, Therissa should have realized sooner that something like this might upset her. Brody admires her nail polish collection enough to write about it, after all. The teen lets out a sigh, looking up at the clock. She needs to sort this out as soon as possible. There’s a short break between second and third period, so her current plan is to use that time to run back to the dorms and talk to Brody. Her roommate just needs to hang in there for another couple of hours.

But Violet said she cried. 

Call her a huge, lame softie or whatever, but there’s something about her kid roommates crying that Therissa just can’t stand. Before she can have time to talk herself out of it, Therissa leaps up, hastily shoving her things into her backpack, and starts heading for the door. 

“Ms. Lannister, we’re in the middle of class. Where do you think you’re going?” 

As Therissa passes her teacher, she catches a glimpse of the idiotic, dumbfounded look on his face and almost cracks up. “Sorry… not. Family emergency.”

The classroom erupts into a buzz of murmurs and Therissa can hear the teacher calling after her again, but she doesn’t look back. Once outside, she reaches into her back pocket for her phone and slides the keyboard open, muscle memory allowing her fingers to navigate through several menus to her contacts list almost instantly. Therissa scrolls down until she finds the name she’s looking for, then taps enter and types out a quick text. 

hey i need u 2 do me a favor will call u l8r

Therissa lingers for a second after hitting send, watching the tiny, pixelated envelope on the screen disappear into a tiny, pixelated mail box. A window pops up: message sent. That’s all the confirmation she needs. Closing the device and slipping it back into her pocket, Therissa readjusts the position of her backpack strap on her shoulder before setting off towards the dorms. 

Time to set things straight with Brody once and for all.

[eorzean-capitalist]

The more flowery a person’s speech … the more suspect the feelings, or lack of feelings, it concealed. --  Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

There’s a lot to unpack from the fauxpology that appeared recently on a new blog from Oz.  I’ve seen this before... from multiple abusive people.  

So let’s dive in, shall we?

There are some things I need to address, some of which I need to apologise for. I want to be clear this is not me entering into a debate, this is not my version of events, this is an apology for where I have made mistakes and where I have at times hurt many people who ultimately did not deserve it, many of whom are my friends and loved ones. 

Some of which you need to apologize for? Some?

I have no intention of any kind to publicly address this any further. I do not think it would be of any benefit to anyone, particularly the people I have hurt, to escalate this more than it already has by arguing about any specific claim’s full context. If you wish to speak with me privately, I encourage you to reach out to me personally

Private, where you can continue to try to control the narrative.  Private, where you can attempt to keep gaslighting your victims.  Private, where no one else can see what you’re saying and go ‘Um, no, that’s not correct’.  

And whose benefit here are you really concerned about?  Because I can tell you right now, your victims would /love/ for you to publicly acknowledge the hurt you caused them.  It just wouldn’t be very fun for you to be open to the kind of scrutiny you’ve called to attention on other people for daring to go against your dictates and mandates.

Unfortunately, I have to be clear about what, exactly, I’m apologising for. In the noise and fury surrounding the last week or so, accusations have been made that are not simply bad interactions taken out of context or even objectionable but otherwise fairly mundane failures of decency, but utterly detestable and even illegal.

Jesus christ, put down the fucking thesaurus.  We get it.  You know big words.  Would you stop tap dancing around the point and actually get to it?  

Actually, I’ve read this run-on sentence several times and I really can’t make heads or tails of it.  What are you trying to say here, Oz?  Are you accusing your victims of making shit up?  Despite all the evidence that’s been posted?  Are you suggesting that somehow talking about the shit you’ve done is illegal?  Like really?

I do not say this to excuse anything I have actually done or anywhere I have actually been wrong, but so that I can apologise for where I have indeed done wrong without admitting to baseless claims of acts that are not just morally reprehensible but in some cases illegal.

“So I want to cherry pick what to apologize for.  The stuff that’s just kinda assholish I’ll admit to but everything else is illegal because I say so.”

I have never doxxed, stalked, sexually harassed, or threatened the the life of anyone

Um.  Sure, Jan.

Additionally, I have never sent anonymous hate messages through Tumblr or any other medium. I have never condoned any of those behaviours, encouraged them in others, nor have I ever made false claims of any of the prior acts.

Uh huh.  Have you forgotten we’ve all SEEN you do this shit?  You may not do anon tumblr hatred, but you do threaten people.  I’ve seen you go on complete tirades over and over again.  People have actually posted testimonials and screenshots of logs where you are threatening them.  Seriously, stop denying you do this shit. 

I have made many mistakes and, yes, I have made some very bad choices. While I am absolutely guilty of being unnecessarily aggressive, disdainful, and combative, I have not done any of those things. I am not going to speculate about the motivations of the people making these claims, but suffice it to say they are entirely false and the people making them have no reason to believe otherwise. There are things I have to own and apologise for, but these are not among them.

They just made some very bad choices, folks.  We should totes give them a break. 

I regret I must start an apology with a qualification like that, but given the nature of the more extreme and spurious claims some have made, I have no choice. It would be disingenuine and even irresponsible of me to extend a blanket apology and include deeply reprehensible acts I have never committed nor would I ever commit.

I think what they’re trying to say here is ‘I would do anything for love... but I won’t do that.’

Also, if you need four flowery paragraphs of highfalutin language to start off your ‘apology’, you’re doing it wrong.

What I will apologise for are the places where I have failed and while they are not as many as claimed, they are dire

Now we begin the minimizing stage.  They admit to doing some things, but not everything, and even those some things are very small really.  Just a few things.  Yes, dire things but JUST A FEW THINGS.

I allowed myself to listen to voices that lauded me for drawing hard and sometimes arbitrary lines with people, showing swift cruelty, and forgetting there is a very real difference between flawed people who have made mistakes or even just poor choices and people who set out to knowingly do harm for its own sake

“Guys, I made some bad choices.  I was lead astray by other nebulous people.  Clearly they were the ones to guide me into these dire, terrible actions.  I apologize for them dragging me kicking and screaming down this awful path.”

What’s worse is that these are lessons I learned long ago, but I allowed myself to be comfortable and even lazy. I did not hold myself to my own standards and through my unwillingness to examine my own behaviours, I hurt others.

I hope you pause to meditate on the fact that this is why people say your behavior has never changed.  

There are times I have shown anger or drawn a line around spaces under my control and done so justly There is a time and place for anger. Like any emotion in a healthy volume and the right context, it has a role to serve.

The problem is, you are addicted to your righteous anger.  You go from 0 to 60 in 0.005 seconds, and when you blast people, you refuse to listen to them when they try to reason with you.  I’ve read the logs.  I’ve seen you run in, scream at people and when they try to placate you, continue to berate them.  

Your first reaction to anyone challenging you or ‘threatening your territory’ is to go nuclear.  Full blast nuclear.  And you do. not. stop.  You will continue to post about them for months.  Vagueposts sniping at them.  And you don’t just do it yourself, you command  your people like they’re your little army to avoid the people you’ve decided are on your Naughty List on pain of becoming your next victim.

That’s on you.  It is all on you.  No one else is to blame for this, no matter how you may try to blame your ‘choices’ on mysterious others in your life.

In many cases, what I did was apply that anger too broadly and too eagerly. I was too willing to see the hurt in response to my actions as a proof of guilt from the people I refused to see the simple human dignity of. I allowed people who I felt wronged me or people dear to me to become less than people in my eyes, something reserved only for the most awful of people, not individuals who simply commit some passing faux pas in a bad circumstance or, indeed, do nothing beyond some relatively minor violation of the social contract.

On this, we can agree.  Would that you had said this rather than all the shit above.

After a period of suffering genuine manipulation, abuse, and gaslighting by a truly vile person, I allowed my feelings of abandonment and outrage at an injustice to stew and mutate into a broad and directionless anger. No matter what happened, my failure to properly gauge my emotions and find healthy, positive outlets for those feelings was not just unacceptable, but my fault. What’s worse is that I sought and found help. I knew what I had to do, and it took me too long to begin the process of healing, a process entirely within my control. While I refused to heal, I indulged in pain and the social rewards that come from it. Not just my own pain but the pain of others.

More blame shifting.  Remember, folks, while they did hurt people, they were the REAL victim here.  

The worst part of all of this is that among the choices I made, they were not choices I made out some misguided belief or, in most cases, not even out of misinformation. They are things I did in spite of my own beliefs. If you asked me on a good day, I would tell you I believe it is absolutely critical to reach out to people you feel have wronged you and while it’s important to protect the things and people vital to you, you should never allow yourself to succumb to a hateful, tribalistic, ingroup/outgroup attitude without fully appreciating the harm that does not just to other people, but to yourself.

On a good day, if you asked me, I would tell it is absolutely crucial to be no one’s attack dog and to avoid people who celebrate the harm you do to others. I would tell you it is easy to build the support of people who see you as a vector for the harm they want to see done to others. I would tell you it is not just easy, but a passive process to become a threat to other people and that is the very last thing you should want to be. When I say I was overly comfortable and lazy, that is exactly what I mean. 

You know what they’re doing here?  Trying to be subtle about it, but definite blame shifting going on here.  They are blaming other people for jumping on the bandwagon THEY created.  They got off on manipulating public opinion about people, and are now blaming the very people they manipulated into feeling that way.  

Nice try, but i c wat u did thar.

I failed to be the better version of myself I have been. I can say I never set out to harm people specifically because I wanted to or I because I enjoyed the idea of punishing others, which I didn’t, but the effects of my actions are the same as if I had. I invited and engaged in unnecessary conflict to no gain, I meted out judgement where harmful, and I did all of this with the reassurance I would be rewarded in ways I never should have sought.

“See, folks, I just wanted the approval of other people.  So I hurt you because I sought out that kind of approval and it’s their fault for making me want their approval.”

In every instance of wrongdoing, I was a hypocrite. In allowing myself to see people as their failings, something I absolutely know is wrong, I justified a level of hostility that is not just inappropriate, but destructive to myself, to those around me, and of course to those on the bad end of that hostility. For that, I apologise from the bottom of my heart.

Furthermore, I need to apologise for the influence I’ve had. Beyond my actions themselves, I have helped create a culture of cyclical anger, division, and anguish that has done real harm to our community. Not only have my actions reflected poorly on my friends, who I can assure you are not supporters of those actions, they have fed into a subculture on Balmung of a deeply hostile and hateful moral rectitude. I contributed to an environment where people looking to do harm can and can do so largely without consequence.

You know, if you had just said this, I might actually believe you were sorry.  Unfortunately, this is buried in so much bullshit it’s hard to take seriously.

I can complain about there being absolutely false and completely groundless claims made about me, but it is my fault there is an environment for those claims to come from. Obviously, there are other bad actors in our community, but I am the only person I have control over and I have to accept my share of the blame for the culture I helped create and I am sorry. In different moments, I have tried to contribute constructively to the space we share and in others I have actively torn it down.

Like other things, it’s something I know better than to do. As has been said both to criticise me and to defend me, I have an old and long-buried history of being a malignant presence in another community. I am proof that people can grow beyond their immaturity, but that one still has to be vigilant about not falling into their old habits. It is a lesson I know and chose to ignore for temporary comforts.

I am sorry for allowing a kind of zeal to take hold in me that let me ignore the difference between a sexual predator or their defenders and people who simply briefly upset someone in some minor way. At my best, I hold myself to a high standard of proof and responsibility, aware that taking action against someone is harming them. It’s doing something they may have to carry with them for a long time and if we take that action wrongly, then we’re hurting someone without reason. At my worst, something I have shown far too much of, I allowed myself to stoop to the lowest standard of a bully, the exact kind of person I so comfortably and openly resent.

The problem with this line of thinking is... you’ve only managed to do it AGAIN. How is that proof of growing or changing?  You can’t even bring yourself to apologize properly, how is anyone to believe that you’ve changed at all?

I am also deeply and truly sorry to the people around me. My friends, both in my free company and not, have shown me a patience and grace that I certainly failed to show others. I am not just glad but lucky to have people around me willing to tell me when I have done wrong and all I can ask is that you not judge them by my worst actions. They and the community we have built together are surely better than I am and I can think of no better testament to that fact than the guidance and tolerance they have shown me.

I can agree with this up to a point.  Obviously most people in your FC are not to blame for your actions.  Though you should probably consider the kind of atmosphere you’ve fostered in your own FC.  Considering the testimony of many ex-,members, you made it pretty awful for them while they were in there.  Be better.  

There’s not a deep, meaningful takeaway I have to offer from any of this. I’m not saying any of this from some place of wisdom other than that of someone recently reminded I am not beyond succumbing to the worst inclinations common to all people, inclinations many people manage to avoid succumbing to themselves.

All I have left to say is that I am sorry. I have before, can now, and will later do better. In turn, all I can ask is that you give me the grace do so.

“I’m only human, folks.  Please leave me alone so I don’t have to really, truly, face up to my actions.” 

[itsmarianstories]

✨🔍Focus🔎✨

Boxer Jungkook, Dancer Jimin

2. Part: Jimin visits Jungkooks fight for the first time

A/N: I’m so done right now... I had this all already edited and this whole post finished when my laptop collapes and now I have to do everything again. I’m not gonna edit this chapter a second time sorry, now you gotta keep up with my mistakes :’) Also this can probably be read seperately? I think? Though it would make more sense to read the first part first. Anyways it’s not as long as the first part but therefore there will be a third part ;)

Word count: 4.594

Focus.

Un, deux, trois, quatre

Glissade, assemble, sous-sus, pirouette

His body drumming in tension, all muscles working and keeping his every move under total control. No finger is moving in a way it's not supposed to.

He is drilled to perfection, by his mother, his teacher and himself. It's what he did for all his life. Flying through the air, looking almost weightless and light, although his feet hurt, his legs burn and his lungs beg for air. A smile is plastered on his lips, keeping up the mask. Like a statue, strong, perfect, cold.

His eyes are fixed in the huge mirrors that cover the three walls in this studio, watching his own moves like a hawk. Everyone else, including his teacher has already left but he prefers it like that. The hours where he has the studio completely for himself are the best, he can completely focus on himself, he has all the space he wants and he can dance the way he wants.

He loves ballet, it's his passion, what keeps him going on some tough days but sometimes it's also what pushes him down. When he can't get a certain move right, or when his emotions are too overwhelming to push them down behind that mask of perfection. On those days he likes to blast his favourite songs and just let lose, close his eyes and move to the beat.

However, not today. In two weeks they have their showcase and Jimin performs in four pieces. Two group performances, one duet and one solo. They are already practicing for this showcase for almost a year now and although Jimin knows the sequences by heart now, there are still parts which are not perfect yet.

There will be critics at the show and if Jimin is good enough he might be allowed to choreograph his own pieces, get his own group and teach a class. Actually he doesn't really want to teach a class, he knows no one would want to train under him. Jimin is a perfectionist and he would drill his students to the absolute highest level, even he himself can't meet his standards so how could others?

The music stops and Jimins body stills. Well, more or less. His chest his heaving with heavy breaths and his legs tremble slightly. Sweat his running down his skin, literally everywhere, his arms, legs, neck, spine, forehead.

Jimin stared at himself in the mirror for a few seconds before he went to the corner where he left his stuff. He grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat from his face and neck. Deciding that it was enough he grabbed his things and quickly went to the shower. After cleaning his body he threw a quick glance at the time.

Jungkooks fight is in two hours, it will take Jimin probably about 40 minutes to get to the address so he should get home soon to get ready.

He isn't really sure what that is, this evening. Like, is it a date? A meeting between friends? Just a dude watching another dude fight?

Nonono, Jimin get a hold of yourself. The way Jungkook pressed you against your own wall in your own entryway definitely wasn't a moment between 'dudes'. This has to mean something, right? Right?!

The dancer sighed while pulling the hood of his sweater over his head. After that incident a few days ago he stopped taking the shortcut to his apartment which means his way home will take almost 20 minutes instead of 10. It's annoying but Jimin never wants to experience something like that ever again. He can't imagine what would have happened if Jungkook hadn't passed by coincidentally. Or if he hadn't been nice enough to actually stop and bother beating those guys up for him.

He is pretty sure Jungkook expected a girl, considering his reaction when he saw Jimins face. Who can blame him, it's not a situation that many young men find themselves in.

A few days ago he had read a story about corrective rape but couldn't imagine it really being a thing. Like why would you want to fuck someone you are disgusted by? It doesn't make sense but he figured that most horrible things don't make sense.

Thinking about that while walking home alone isn't really helping so he falls into a slow run, trying to get home as quickly as possible.

Once home Jimin quickly changes, does his hair and may or may not apply a hint of make-up, just on his eyes and lips.

He quickly texted Tae to let him know he was ready and waited for the knock on his door. Slipping on his sneakers, checking his phone, key and wallet he opened the door.

“Hey loverboy, ready?” Tae grinned at him and Jimin smacked his shoulder.

“Shut up!” He mumbled, feeling the blush creep onto his cheeks. They left the building together and called for a cab. Jimin fiddled with the hem of his oversized jacket. He didn't like to admit that he was nervous. Obviously because of the fight. He had no idea what to expect and the way Jungkook sounded while texting he was a bit worried about Jimin being there. That's why Tae is here after all.

“I can't believe you made me do this!” His best friend said.

“Not only are you dragging me to a box fight, though you know fairly well how much I dislike violence! You also make me third wheel at your date!”

“It's not a date.” Jimin contradicted.

“Shut up it is a date. You may deny it and that Jungkook guy may be too dense to realize it, but I know.” Jimin rolled his eyes.

“Right. I forgot you are the human version of Cupid.” Tae winked at him and Jimin shrugged him off.

They arrived at the location soon later and Jimin gulped when he saw the big old brick building. People where lingering around on the street, holding plastic cups with beer, smoking cigarettes (or smth like that? He wasnt so sure) and talking casually. Most of them men, men who resembled thos guys who attacked him a few days ago in a frightening way. Suddenly he regretted putting on make up and wearing a jacket without hood to hide his pink hair. Might as well write “gay and proud" on his forehead.

Tae was right next to him and although he didn't like violence at all he looked more intimidating, being tall and build with a red bandana in his hair.

Jimin is really questioning his sanity right now. What made him think wearing a pink bomber jacket with transparent stripes on the arms was a good idea?

They passed a few groups on their way inside and so far no one really paid them any mind but as soon as they entered the hall heads started to turn in their (his) direction. Jimin wondered whether he should text Jungkook that he was there now but he didn't want to distract or bother him before his fight so he decided against it.

He overheard a few people talk when they passed them by.

“Do you think he will win again?”

“Nah he is too young. The other one has way more experience.”

“I don't know man he is a pretty good fighter. He won almost every fight until now.”

“He is trained by Agust D right?”

“Yeah, he's his best student.”

Jimin didn't exactly know why, but the things those guys said made him feel proud. Hm, weird.

The inside of the building kinda resembled a really small theatre. The ring was in the middle like a stage and chairs were circling it in long rows, only interrupted by a few aisles.

“Do you want to drink something?” Tae asked but Jimin shook his head.

“I'm good. I'll go get us seats.” He said. Tae nodded and left to the bar, leaving Jimin alone in the mass. The dancer turned and searched for two free seats, preferably somewhere in the front. He is small and he wants to see after all. People gave him looks when he passes them and he saw at least two or three who looked disgusted. It made Jimin shrink in himself, trying to disappear in his jacket. He lowered his eyes, not looking anyone in the eye and possibly offend them.

He found two seats in the second row and quickly made his way over there. He took his phone out in case Tae texts him about the seats when he noticed someone sitting down next to him, on the seat that was for Tae.

Jimin looked up and saw a man, bald with a white beard covering his double chin. He looked (and smelled) sweaty, wearing a black ACDC shirt and a cold chain around his neck. He looked like he jumped right out of a movie as cliché as it was. The man stared at him and Jimin gulped. This can't mean anything positive.

“U-Uhm...” He started, wanting to tell the man that the seat was taken but he was cut off.

“You know princess, this is not a cosmetic studio.” He snarled, his breath reeking of beer and cigarettes. Jimin wanted to snap back, put him in his place, telling him to fuck off and that 'no shit Sherlock, actually I expected someone to come and give me a manicure' But since the incident in that alley and being the small boy that he is, it would be so easy for the other to manhandle him.

Jimin didn't know why but Jungkook popped up in his mind and somehow it gave Jimin a hint of braveness. He didn't want to be the clichéd small baby boy who can't do anything for himself, who clings onto his sugar daddy, pouts his plumb lips and cries when he doesn't get what he wants. He is strong and independent and he can take care of himself for fucks sake. (It may also help a little that there are so many people around, this dude will probably not do anything in front of so many will he?)

Jimin didn't want to provoke him unnecessarily so he simply stated that “Sorry, this seat is taken.” And he was proud when his voice didn't shake.

“What are you doing here, huh? Do you even know what this here is?” Jimin sighed internally and rolled his eyes.

“A drama staging?” It slip out too quickly for Jimin to hold back and he saw the nostrils of the man flare and how his lips were pressed in a thin line. Oh this is not good.

“Go home princess. Play with your dolls and let the real men do their things.” He growled and Jimin wanted to tell him that the dick between his legs showed that he was indeed a 'real' man but he figured that would cross a boarder he didn't want to see the other side off.

“Why is it bothering you if I just quietly sit here and watch the fight? I'm not contagious you know.” Jimin said, trying to keep all the anger and annoyance out of his voice. The man didn't know what to answer to that, his mouth opened and closed again like a fish on the dry.

Tae chose to come back in that very moment, standing tall over the man and radiating a dangerous atmosphere, which is funny if you know what a clingy teddy bear Tae usually is. But now he was obviously pissed and it probably helped that his voice is naturally deep and rich for it made it sound more intimidating when he said

“I think you are sitting on my seat.” The man looked up at him, then at Jimin and back up at Tae until he grumbled something in his beard, took a sip from his beer and finally left.

“Are you okay?” Tae asked when he took the seat the man left just now. Jimin nodded with a smile.

“Yeah, I guess it's my own fault for, you know, dressing like this.” He said with a smile.

“What are you talking about? You have every right to dress in whatever way you please. Their stinky asses are just jealous of your confidence.”

“Pfft, what confidence?” Jimin scoffed. Tae wrapped and arm around his shoulders but didn't say anything because he knew that way Jimin would think about it way more. And before they could talk about it any further spotlight switched on and drowned the ring in yellow. A small man appeared with a microphone in hand. He greeted everyone and asked them to go to their seats. It became quiet real quick and the man in the ring started to announce the fighters, talking about their weight and previous fights and he was basically screaming everything. Probably to hype up the crowed but Jimin thought it was a rather primitive way to do. Yet, it seemed to work and Jimin couldn't say he was surprised.

After a few minutes the first fighter entered the ring. The crowed cheered and whistled and the man raised his fists as if he was bathing in the praise. The fighter was probably about 180 cm tall and build, wearing nothing but the lose shorts and gloves on his hands. He was laughing confidently and Jimin hoped that Jungkook would wash the dirty smug of his face. Something about the attitude and the atmosphere of this guy made Jimin uncomfortable. There was another man walking behind him, carrying a towel and a bottle of water, probably something like his assistant? Jimin had no idea.

The man with the microphone started talking again, now about Jungkook and Jimin couldn't help but pay a little more attention. He hyped him up just as much, talking about how great he his for his young age and how many fights he has already won. Jimin was nervous.

And then Jungkook entered. Instead of enjoying the crowds cheers he simply walked towards the ring, his body hidden by a black silk robe and his face covered by a hood. Jungkook had someone carrying a towel and bottle as well, a small rather slim man with silvery hair. Other than the first boxer, however, Jungkooks assistant(?) Was walking beside him, an arm behind his back a bit like a bodyguard and he was whispering things to Jungkook. Jimin wondered what it might be but it was way too loud and he was too far away to eavesdrop.

Jungkook entered the ring as well and finally got rid of the robe, handing it to the man with silver hair. Jimins mouth fell open. Sure he knew Jungkook had a nice body from when they slept on the same bed or their little “moment" in his entryway but seeing it like this in its full glory was... different.

His muscled were toned, obvious poking out under his tanned skin. The light of the spotlights made him glow and Jimin honestly just wanted to lick his abs Jesus Christ.

Jimin noticed how Jungkooks eyes started to wander over the auditorium, searching for something. Or rather someone. His heartedbeat picked up and suddenly his palms became strangely sweaty. Jimin gulped and took a shaky breath. Damn shit why was he so nervous all of a sudden?

He watched as Jungkooks eyes scanned the crowed and came nearer and nearer towards him and then his eyes landed on him and their gazes locked and Jimin could swear that for a few heartbeats long the whole room was empty except for them both and it was deafeningly silent. Jimin held his breath when a small smile spread on Jungkooks lips. He could hear his own heart beat loudly in his hears and he lifted his hand for a small subtle wave which caused Jungkooks smile to become bigger. Jimin smiled back and then the silvery haired man petted Jungkooks back, asking for his attention. The boxer ripped his eyes away and turned to his assistant who continued to tell him whatever.

Jimin finally released the breath he was holding and noticed that Tae was staring at him.

“I feel dirty.” His best friend said.

“Huh?”

“It was like watching a live porno. Seriously you still have drool on your chin.” Tae teased, acting as if he was wiping it away with his sleeve. “Disgusting.” He muttered and Jimin pushed him away, smacking his hand from his face.

“Shut up!” He snapped, face burning.

Moments later the fight began and Jimin could see an immediate switch in Jungkooks attitude. He was concentrated, focused on nothing but his opponent. He observed the others movements, studying him and waiting for him to make the first move.

Jimin had no idea about boxing but even he could see the difference between those two fighters. Jungkooks opponent still looked rather cocky, grinning and looking at Jungkook like he was a small boy. However, that grin faltered after Jungkook dodged the first hit.

As a dancer Jimin knows what a focused body looks like, he can see the tension, the control over every muscle. It’s a bit as if Jungkook would dance, dance around his opponent, provoking him and irritating him. And it's working. The other fighter became more and more reckless with how much angrier he became. It was somehow funny to watch.

After a few minutes Jungkook finally started to hit back. His movements were so quick and smooth, it reminded Jimin so much of ballet it was fascinating. He never really associated with this sport before getting to know Jungkook so he had no idea what to expect. He always thought boxing are just to men beating each other down but what Jungkook was doing in that ring right now was a profession. Jimin could see the training, the sweat and ache he invested to get this kind of control. It made Jimin feel so much closer to Jungkook because he basically felt the passion Jungkook had towards his sport. It’s the same passion he has for his own and ain’t gonna lie, that’s a huge turn on.

The fight continued with both fighters landing a few good hits and every time Jungkooks face or stomach connected with the opponents glove, Jimin jumped slightly and clenched his hand harder around the armrest of his chair. Yes, he was in awe over Jungkooks fighting, but that doesn't mean he didn't worry about him.

Jimin couldn't say how long the fight actually lasted, for him the time flew and crept at the same time but when Jungkook landed a good hit against his opponents temple the man finally went down. The crowed cheered and watched excitedly if the boxer will get ip again but ten seconds passed and he was still on the ground. A loud ring sounded through the hall and Jungkook raised his hands over his head triumphantly, grinning and rotating to look at the crowed. His eyes, again, landed on Jimin and they beamed at each other before the man with the microphone appeared again, ending the fight and announcing Jungkook as the winner. The silver haired guy hopped in the ring, a huge gummy smile on his face as he pulled Jungkook in a hug and handed him towel and water bottle. It was cute to watch them interact because Jungkook looked at the man with so much fondness and admiration, relishing in the praise like a child who proudly showed off a good grade to his parents.

They left the ring together and the crowed cheered again. People were petting Jungkooks back in congrats as he walked back to the changing rooms.

Earlier that day Jungkook had told Jimin were it would be best for him to wait until Jungkook would be ready after the fight so now Jimin jumped up and pulled Tae along. Out of the building and around it just as Jungkook had described, to get to the backdoor where Jungkook would leave through. He was nervously jumping up and down, while Tae was leaning on the brick wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest, growling things about “euphemizing violence" when the door opened.

Jimin basically jumped into Jungkooks arms. The younger let out a surprised noise but was quick to smile and wrap his arms around Jimin.

“Wow what did I do to deserve this enthusiastic greeting?” He chuckled. Jimin pulled back slightly and looked up at him.

“Duh, win the fight obviously.” He answered. Tae scoffed next to them, causing Jungkook to look into his direction.

“Oh right, Jungkookie this us Tae, Tae this is Jungkookie.” Jimin introduced them.

“Oh hi, you must be the platonic soulmate.” Jungkook said and extended his hand but Tae only narrowed his eyes at him until Jimin stabbed him in the side with his elbow in a silent 'be nice!' Tae rolled his eyes and finally took Jungkooks hand.

“Yeah, hi.” Jimin sighed at that.

“Give us a second.” He said and pushed Tae around the next corner.

“Tae why are you being mean?” He wanted to know.

“I'm not being mean, I'm being suspicious. He is a boxer Jiminie, violence and fighting is a daily thing for him. I just don't want you to get hurt.”

“Jungkookie would never hurt me, ever! He saved me, I can't believe we are even talking about that!”

“That he saved you doesn't mean he can't ever lose control. What if you have a fight some day and his 'hand slips', huh? You don't know this guy but you are already acting as if you two know each other for years.”

“I know him better than you do!” Jimin almost yelled. His best friend opened his mouth again but Jimin hold up his hand to shush him.

“Tae, I love you but you are being unfair, right now. You always talk about not judging books after their cover but now you are doing exactly that just because you dislike violence and he is a boxer. I think it's best of you go home for today and once you got over your prejudices you will see how sweet he is.”

“Jiminie-" Tae said, taking a step forwards but Jimin shook his head.

“No, just go home.” Tae sighed but eventually listened. Once he was out of sight Jimin turned and went back to Jungkook who was awkwardly standing where he had left him.

“Sorry, about that.” Jimin said sheepishly.

“It's alright, he us only worried about you. That's a good thing.” Jungkook said but Jimin rolled his eyes.

“He is acting like a mom and there is nothing to worry about anyway.” Jimin said. They made their way away from the building. It was silent for a while until Jungkook opened his mouth again.

“Jimin, I'd never let my hand slip.” He said seriously and Jimin smiled up to him, taking his hand.

“I know.”

They went in a small restaurant and ordered so may dishes, Jimin had no idea how they should possibly finish all that. They talked about everything and nothing for a while, making silly jokes and giggling into their hands to not disturb the other customers. One time Jungkook made a joke while Jimin took a sip from his drink and it caused him to choke. He had coughed and blushed furiously but Jungkook had stared at him with so much affection and tenderness it made Jimins heart bloom.

“You were really cool tonight, by the way.” Jimin said at one point and the beam Jungkook gifted him with was worth all the uneasiness and trouble he felt earlier when he had first entered the old gym hall.

“Thank you!”

“You like boxing very much, don’t you?” Jimin said and Jungkook tilted his head to one side.

“Yeah, I guess, why?”

“No, it’s just… I could see it. The passion you have, you know? I think it’s why you were so superior to your opponent. He was fighting to impress others, you are fighting for yourself.” Jimin mumbled but blushed when he noticed Jungkooks intense gaze. “Ah, sorry, I don’t know if that made any sense… I just-“

“No, it’s fine, you are right. I’m just surprised you could see this, even though you aren’t familiar with boxing.” Jimin shrugged.

“I think on some level boxing is pretty similar to dancing. You need the same control over your body, the tension, the knowledge how to move…” Jimin explained and for a few moments they stared at each other in silence.

“Wow, usually people think boxing is just about how is the strongest and has the harder hits. The only one I can talk to about boxing like this is my coach. You don’t know what a turn on it is that you sit here and casually talk about boxing like you did it all your life.” Jungkook murmured and Jimin blushed, biting his lip. Usually he would avert his eyes and stare at the ground in embarrassment but now there is something between them that makes Jimin feel save. So instead of feeling shy, he feels excited. He used that to be a little bold, leaning over to Jungkook and whispering

“You don’t know what a turn on it was seeing you in that ring, all naked and sweaty.” Jungkooks eyes widened and Jimin could see how his pupils dilated.

“You know, it would only be fair if I could see you dancing too now.” Jungkook said.

“My studio actually has a showcase in two weeks, if you really want to I can get you a ticket.” Jimin said, blush still prominent on his cheeks. It’s not that he is embarrassed about his dancing, he knows he is good at what he is doing, but knowing that Jungkook will be there watching him was… exciting.

After they finished their food they took a walk through the city. Jimin always liked taking walks through the night but he didn’t do it since he moved to the city because he never felt save enough, but now with Jungkook by his side it was like mothing could ever hurt him again.

The taller had an arm securely around Jimins shoulders, keeping him close and Jimin had snuggled into his side, enjoying the warmth that radiated off of Jungkooks body.

“Jimin?” Jungkook said at one point and Jimin hummed, signalling him to keep talking.

“Is this… like uh… was… was this a date?” Jimin couldn’t help but smile at how adorably nervous Jungkook sounded. He looked up at him and stood on his tip toes to press a kiss on the boxers cheek.

“I hope so.”

Jimin didn’t know for how long they paced through the dimly lit streets but after a while they ended up in front of his apartment building. He didn’t want Jungkook to go but he also didn’t want to rush things.

“I had fun tonight. Thank you for letting me see this.” Jimin said. Jungkook shook his head with a smile.

“Thank you for coming.” They smiled at each other and before Jimin could react Jungkook had leaned in and pecked his lips once, twice. After the third time Jimin grabbed his collar and pulled him in to kiss him properly. He felt Jungkook smile against his lips and bit it playfully, tugging on it and running his tongue over it afterwards. Jimin pulled back with a grin when Jungkook groaned.

“You are evil.” The younger said and Jimin shrugged amused.

Jungkook left after another few kisses and soft ‘goodnight’s.

[randomfandomwriting]

A/B/O Voltron one-shot 

Platonic paladins ~ super fluffy / minor angst 

(Really it's just Lance being sad, no major angst)

Lance is homesick and everyone comes in to comfort him basically 

 It was way too early for anyone to be up, but Lance couldn't sleep and he just kept working himself up more and more. He missed his home, his family, he missed everything about Earth right now. He missed his old life.

He had spent hours tossing and turning, trying to rest, but when he wasn't thinking about the past, he was worrying about the future. Heck, even the present. 

Too much was happening and Lance couldn't help anyone with anything. He wanted to ask for help, bit he knew everyone else was in the same boat and he couldn't bring himself to put his weight on anyone else's shoulders. But he needed something. Anything. 

He stood up and quietly pulled the sheets off of his bunk. His arms were full as he quietly shuffled through the halls, looking for an empty room. It was more difficult than it usually would've been because a few Blade members were staying at the castle for an important meeting that Lance wasn't totally sure yet what it would be about. Well, peace stuff and alliances and things like that, but what exactly, he wasn't sure. 

Exactly three hallways down from the paladins' hallway, Lance found empty rooms. He felt something in him relax just slightly when the door slid open and he could see the dim shadows of the room in front of him. His slippers made a hushed scuff noise as he moved towards the cubby-bed. 

Dropping the blankets in front of the edge of the bed, Lance noticed that it was just a bit wider than the beds he and the other paladins had and he wondered to himself if the settings on the beds ' dimensions could be changed, or if each hallway had different sized beds, or if it was just this one? Ugh, he was too tired for this, and when he actually found a place to build a nest he was? Not building a nest? 

Lance took a deep breath and ripped the thicker blanket off the top of the bed, but made sure the sheets already on the bed were still  tucked tightly and hadn't rumpled too much. He made a point to briskly rub his wrists against the blankets to lightly scent them. Nests with unfamiliar scents were hardly better than no nest at all. 

He fluffed the pillow on the bed harshly and tossed it to the deepest corner of the bed-- the corner farthest from the edge and from the door. Lance took one of his blankets, the heaviest one, and rolled it, lining the edge of the bed with it. He took his sheets and crumpled them up into soft balls of blanket and tucked them against the wall on either side of the pillow. 

He stepped back to consider his work and pursed his lips. It wasn't right. Something was off about it. He glanced at the giant, unscented comforter he had thrown in the floor at the beginning of this process. No. Maybe another pillow. Lance turned to walk all the way back to his room to get his pillow and jumped back slightly as the door started skidding open. 

Hunk stood in the doorway, rubbing his eye with the heel of his hand. "Hey, buddy, you doing okay? What's going on?"

Lance took a second to take a couple calming breaths. "You scared the quiznak outta me, why are you up, Hunk?" 

Hunk squinted at Lance. "I woke up because I could smell you going down the hall, you smelled stressed and upset, and yeah, something is definitely up, you're not wearing your facemask, what's wrong?"

Lance blinked at his friend and then nodded. "Yeah, okay, I dunno. I couldn't sleep, and just, I miss Earth. I miss home a lot, and I-I'm overwhlemed? I love what we're doing here, I do, just, it's hard sometimes, but you know that, of course you know that, you have more responsibilities around here than I do, cooking and helping Pidge and doing all your regular chores and training with Yellow, I didn't want to bother anyone, I'm sorry I woke you up, I-" 

Hunk stopped him with a tight hug. His neutral Beta scent helped Lance calm down enough to breathe normally. Hunk released him, but grabbed his shoulders. "Do you want me to get you anything?" Lance hesitated. Hunk tapped Lance's shoulder gently. "Seriously, it's no problem." 

Lance nodded. "I was just about to go get my pillow, could you go get some of your blankets and pillows? For the nest?" Lance gestured behind himself and Hunk noticed the nest for the first time. 

Hunk nodded and glanced at Lance. "You're not going into heat or anything are you?"

Lance shook his head firmly. "No. Just stressed." 

"You know you can talk to any of us at pretty much anytime, right?" Lance nodded and Hunk nodded back and then they both started towards the door and Lance stopped Hunk quickly. "Don't wake anybody up, okay? I don't want to worry people unnecessarily."

"Sure, but--" 

"Seriously, Hunk, please. " Hunk gave Lance a smile that worked up more to one side than the other but he accepted Lance's request. They both moved almost silently through the dark castle halls back to their hallway. They only sound to be heard was the occasional shuffle of blue kitty slippers. 

Lance tried to keep himself still but he tapped his left wrist with his right fingers. It was a nervous habit from when he first started presenting. It made his scent stronger, which was nice when he was upset, and it was grounding, which was helpful for when he was panicky.

About halfway to their hallways, a quiet voice called out, "Lance!" They both turned around and saw Keith coming towards them! Lance was genuinely confused, but Hunk barely looked surprised. Keith looked exhausted and flustered as he silently and quickly came up to them. "Lance, what's wrong?"

 Lance stated up at the ceiling, debating on how to answer. He let out a soft sigh. "Just not feeling well and can't sleep, that's all. Kinda homesick and lonely." 

 "Oh. Is there anything I can do?" Keith's eyes were fixed on Lance's, but Lance was tired and his blinks were slow. 

 "Uhhhh," Lance considered for about three sexonds, "yeah, actually. If you could go grab like, all your blankets and pillows and then just wait for us here, I would really appreciate that." He gave a soft smile that Keith returned. 

"I'll get in that and see you again soon. Hey, are you, starting your heat soon?" Keith looked like asking made him slightly uncomfortable, but he wanted an answer. Alphas could get-- understandably-- uncomfortable around Omegas about to go into heat, and some were awkward about heats in general. 

Lance's eyebrows came together to make a small U. "No..." He glanced at Hunk, who wasn't looking at either of them. Hunk was staring at one of the gently glowing nightlights built into the castle's walls. "Anyways, it's good to see you again, Keith."

 "You too, Lance. See you in a few minutes." 

 They split into two groups. Keith went down one of the Blade hallways and Hunk and Lance finished walking to the paladins' hallway. Hunk almost immediately turned into his room, which was the second one in the hall. Lance walked all the way to the end of the hall, where his room was. 

He grabbed his pillow and walked out of his room. Pidge popped out of her room and almost ran straight into him. She had her blanket pulled tightly around her shoulders. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you going into heat or is something bothering you?" 

Lance groaned. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? It's the second one!" he whisper-shouted. 

Pidge nodded and wrapped her blanket around his shoulders. Lance got a strong whiff of the young Alpha's scent and almost visibly relaxed. "What're you doing up right now, Lance?" 

"Building a nest. You're welcome to come with us. Keith found us and I woke Hunk up too." Lance wanted Pidge to come, but he also wanted her to get the sleep she needed. 

Pidge smiled. "I'm in! Pack cuddles are great for melatonin levels, good thinking, Lance. But, how do you feel about lights? Like, Christmas lights, basically?"

"In my nest?" 

"Yeah, that's why I'm asking." 

"Are they super bright?"

"Definitely not super bright, but they'd be brighter than the hallway is." 

Lance tapped his wrist's scent gland and Pidge started staring at it, catching herself before she took his wrist and just scented him. "Yeah, I think that'd be okay, but can you bring all your sheets too, please?" 

Pidge nodded and walked into her room. She grabbed a little metal thing with plenty of spiky edges off of the top of a pile on her way to her bed. She placed it in the middle of the bed and scrapped it up in sheets. Grabbing her pillow, she hopped back to the door and stepped out just as Shiro's door slid open. 

Lance wanted to curl into himself and disappear. "We didn't wake you up with our talking, did we?" 

Shiro shook his head. He scratched at his stomach over his shirt and yawned. "No, your scent did. You smelled really upset, are you okay?"

Lance took the edges of Pidge's blanket and wrapped himself tightly up. "Yeah, we're gonna go sleep in a nest I'm building, d'you wanna come? Admission fee is your blankets and pillow." He smiled and Shiro smiled back, pretending to roll his eyes. "Yeah, give me a second." The Alpha turned around and his door closed behind him. 

Hunk came out of his room with a bundle of blankets. "Hey, we going?" 

Lance opened his mouth to respond and only gave a long yawn, complete with a full head tilt. 

Shiro came out with his blankets mostly folded. "Alright, let's go, right? Lead the way, Lance." 

Lance nodded and started the slow march, hugging a pillow and leading a parade of sleepy paladins. Keith was leaning against a wall, looking like he was about to fall asleep when Lance led his crew, his pack, around a corner. Keith fell into line right after Shiro. Keith's blankets really were folded parfectly, with his pillow on top and his cape on bottom. 

Lance threw his pillow at the other one and then turned around. "Uh, could you guys just make a giant pile of everything right by the bed?" The other paladins nodded and Lance smiled at each of them. 

He started with the light sheets, laying them all over the bed, covering the shots the bed first had on when Lance found the room with better smells, his pack members' scents. He took Shiro's and Hunk's blankets and lined them up against the walls of the bed. 

He paused, then turned around and gathered the giant blanket he had torn off the bed earlier into his arms and then dropped it in front of the others. They were half-sitting, half-laying in a pile, leaning on one another, looking dreadfully bored and dangerously exhausted. "Scent this. Please." The four of them exchanged bleary-eyed looks, but got straight to it, using their wrists and necks to scent the comforter as quickly (but completely) as they could.

Lance turned back to his nest and put pillows somewhat randomly through the nest. He took Pidge's blanket and rolled it and put it next to his at the near edge of the nest. He took Keith's and balled it up and put it in the corner next to his pillow, but then stopped and moved both to the almost exact middle of the nest. He then took Keith's cape and wrapped himself in it, hooking the latch around his neck. 

Lance turned around and looked at his pack. Shiro held up a corner of the blanket for Lance to smell. Lance held it to his nose and inhaled deeply, and he could feel his shoulders relaxing as he let go of the breath. He looked up, his blue eyes shining excitedly, and said, "It smells like pack." They all smiled at him and he motioned for them to stand up. 

"Okay, so I'm not sure how you guys want to arrange yourselves, but I would like to be in the middle," Lance said, staring proudly at his nest, but not wanting to seem self-absorbed. 

Pidge clicked her tongue and Lance quickly turned to face her. She held the spiky ball up. "Lights?" 

"Oh! I forgot, sorry! You can put them up!" Pidge nodded and climbed up into the bed, avoiding stepping on blanket bundles and pillows. She started unwrapping the ball and gently pressing certain parts to the cubby-like walls of the bed, draping the lights gently. Lance smiled appreciatively and then turned to face the others. 

"Hm. Pidge, pick a spot near the middle, okay? I think I figured out how to do this." Lance walked towards the three guys standing in front of him and tapped his neck's scent gland with his fingertips. "Okay, Hunk and Shiro, I'm using your height for this. You guys each take a side of the blanket, but put it, over your shoulders, no, stand on this side of it, yeah, like that. Keith, can you go coming into the other side of my pillow, across from Pidge?" The guys exchanged confused looks, but Lance seemed to be calming down. 

Hunk and Shiro stood between the bed and the blanket. Shiro held one side up with his Galra arm, the wrist at an awkward angle. Hunk simply held the blanket in place by pressing a corner to his shoulder. Keith stepped over and pulled his good up over Lance's head before climbing into the nest, following Lance's directions about where to sit. 

Lance climbed up into the nest, the very center of it, and turned to face Hunk and Shiro. Pidge sat on his right; Keith, on his left. He motioned for Hunk and Shiro to step up to the bed. "So, I'm thinking you guys should just coming up and drape it over everyone. So it's like a blanket fog just dropping on us, it'll be soft and warm and great." 

Shiro nodded slowly and Hunk yawned, "Whatever needs to happen for sleepy time cuddles to happen, I'll do it." Pidge snorted and leaned into Lance. She took one of his hands and gently pressed their wrists together, scenting him with calming pheromones. Lance leaned his head over onto Keith's shoulder, the hood still up, soft against his cheek. 

Hunk and Shiro awkwardly climbed up into the nest, trying not to fall and not to drop the heavy blanket. Hunk's bare foot slipped on the edge of the bed, kicking one end of Pidge's blanket off the bed. Lance let out a sharp whine and dove for it, smacking himself in the face with the comforter, but he quickly tucked it back up to where it was supposed to be. He sat back again and relaxed after looking around and seeing his pack in his nest, all together. 

Shiro sat beside Pidge and Hunk was on the other side of Keith. They all looked as exhausted as Lance felt. He took a deep breath and leaned against his pillow, laying back. The lights left gentle shadows across the best out into the room, but they weren't bright, not even when Lance looked directly into them. "Pidge," Lance said, holding out his wrist for her to scent more, "they're beautiful and you did a great job." 

Pidge crooned quietly to him in her throat and he smiled. Keith tapped Lance's hand and Lance held his wrist out for Keith. Keith softly started scenting Lance with his own wrist, exactly like Pidge had been.

Shiro spoke, his voice as soft and warm as the blankets they were surrounded by, "It's a beautiful nest, Lance, thank you for sharing it with us." Lance felt a small chirp in his throat, but he swallowed it. It would be too serious to chirp for his pack now, when they were all on the verge of passing out. He cleared his throat. "Thank you, Shiro." 

Hunk pulled out his Garrison com and clicked his tongue. Lance glanced up and over at his friend. "You remember that time you took me home with you during break and your family took that long trip to the beach?" 

Lance nodded. "Yeah, you said it was the first time you'd seen the ocean." 

"Yeah, and I took a video on my com to send to my moms, and I dug it out when we went to get the nest supplies, and anyways, I figured out how to loop it, so do you want to listen to that?" 

Lance felt a slight tightening in his chest thinking about home and that trip, but he had his pack, his family surrounding him, and he didn't feel so impossibly lonely. "Yes, please." 

Hunk shifted to lay down a bit more, Keith's head ended up in his shoulder, and he laid his com on his stomach. The gentle sway sound played over the small speakers. They all listened to the consistent push and pull of the water. 

Shiro managed to sprawl out a bit and his legs ended up under both Pidge's and Lance's legs. Lance felt his eyes flutter shut and he felt completely relaxed. 

He knew it was silly, but he felt more at home, surrounded by his pack. His last words before falling into his sleep was, "Good. Thank you." 

( BONUS : ) 

Lance woke up and stretched every piece of himself. He was the first one up, and everyone was a mess. They had all shifted while sleeping. Lance was sideways from his start, legs across Keith's stomach, head tilted up on Shiro's thigh. Pidge was curled in a ball between him and the wall, head on Shiro's arm. Shiro was in a starfish position, sucking up almost half the nest. Hunk had turned over onto his side, arms straight out in front of him. Keith had somehow completely flipped the direction he was laying, his long hair flopping over towards the ground over the bed's edge.

Lance stifled a laugh and then sat up. He felt refreshed. Actually, he felt like he had slept a long time, longer than usual. 

He quietly stood and stretched again, not wanting to disturb the others, because they were still sleeping. They deserved their sleep. 

Lance stepped out into the hallway and was walking calmly towards the kitchen when a Blade member stopped him. "Where have you been? Where are the others?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Princess Allura has been looking for you all since this morning. She said you weren't in your rooms and we have just started a room by room search.where were you all?" 

Lance let a nervous chuckle slip out, "We were in a different room, all together. Please tell her I'm sorry and that I'll get the others quickly." 

Lance half-ran back to the nest room and as soon as the door opened he ran and jumped into the bed. "QUIZNAK." 

Every single one of them shot up. Keith and Hunk smacked heads, Pidge immediately grabbed at Lance, and Shiro going himself off the bed. Lance started laughing and hugged Pidge back. "Lance, what is going on, why did you yell, why did you jump on us?" Keith demanded. 

Lance took a minute to stop laughing. "Ohh, that was the best thing I've ever seen, oh my gosh, wow, okay. Allura and the Blade dudes are all looking for us all over the castle, they couldn't find us, they were freaking out and I said I'd get everybody, oh my gosh, guys, that was so good, you should've seen your faces." Lance looked over at Shiro. "And that was fast acting, Mr. Pack Alpha." Shiro shrugged, but Lance could tell that the compliment meant something to him.

"Anyways. We need to go. And probably apologize for making everyone think something happened to us." 

There were a few sighs and groans as everyone got up and stretched, and Lance stood and watched everyone wake themselves up. Keith shook his cape a few times and then folded it up. 

When Hunk took a step towards the door, Lance cleared his throat. "Hey, guys? Could we, no, would you mind, just doing this again tonight? It really relaxed me, so thank you, and it's not necessary to do it tonight, especially if anyone felt uncomfortable -" 

"I will," Hunk interrupted him. 

Pidge raised her hand slightly. "Yeah, I will too, it was nice to be around you guys." 

Shiro nodded. "I think I will, I slept well. Thank you for inviting us into your nest, Lance." Lance felt his Omegan pride swell slightly at the semi-old-fashioned Alpha compliment. If course Shiro would be traditional about this stuff, he was Shiro, after all. 

They all looked at Keith. He bit his lip and he smelled a bit stressed. Lance swallowed a click, but said quietly, "Again, you don't have to." 

Keith looked at Lance. "I want to, but I'll be leaving with the Blade tomorrow, so are you sure, " he looked at all of them, "is everyone sure, that you want me to come again tonight." 

PIdge snorted. "You're still pack, otherwise you wouldn't've come running when you smelled Lance." 

Lance smiled at him and nodded. "You're welcome to stay with us as long as you can-- as long as you want. " 

The door slid open and everyone's head flipped towards it. "Allura! We were just-" Lance cut himself off after seeing her face. 

Allura looked, not angry, just tense. Very tense. She stepped into the room and let the door slide closed behind her. She softly cleared her throat, folding her hands behind the small of her back. "Paladins," she glanced at Keith specifically, but decided to not change her wording, "I am aware and supportive that sometimes you need to perform bonding rituals unique to your Earth customs." She paused to give them a slight smile, but her face quickly turned serious again. "However, for future reference, I do require you to leave some sort of notice about where you will be and that you are alright." 

The paladins all nodded and Shiro apologized, so they all mumbled awkward apologies after him. Allura nodded at them. "You gave me quite the scare. Now, ah, let's go?" 

Lance glanced around and let the rest of his pack walk out before him, then Allura. She paused, making sure that he was coming. "Lance?" 

He took a moment to look at his nest and breathe in the room. " Yeah, I'm coming, Princess." He strode out of the room, smiling a real smile, feeling better than he had in a long while.

[snipsnsnailsnwerewolftales]

Crisis Averted

A/N: These are just a few scenes that popped into my head, as the story progresses, they will fit in. Possibly even send in your requests for the duo! You will see some new faces that are OC’s of mine. There won’t be many, and the parts will be minor, so far.

I do not own Teen Wolf or it’s characters. Sadly.

Word Count: 1,445

Warnings: None that I know of. Light swearing?

Xxx

You met at the FBI academy.

For weeks now two particular students had caught your eye, and for two completely opposite reasons.

One of the fellow students simply excelled way too much and way too fast at everything. There was no way anyone was just that good, no matter who you’re related to.

The other was a gangly, sarcastic yet in a good way, boy who seemed to push a friendship with the first after seeing him excel so fast.

It wasn’t too odd, you thought, wanting to be best buds with the “it” guy, but the friendship seemed to be unrequited, if not somewhat hostile, at the beginning. You would see them arguing in the corner, the one staring in a bored way as the other flailed unnecessarily for emphasis on his topics. One time this seemed to go too far, and maybe it was just the lighting, but you could have sworn the guys already pronounced canines seemed to be a bit longer, a bit sharper for just a second, his eyes seeming to turn gold as he turned away to look out the window at the dying sunlight behind them, and the grip on his backpack shoulder looked so tight that it might rip the material simply by clenching too hard.

Mr. Sarcastic had gulped, but other than that had remained calm as you sat wide eyed, glued to your chair across the room, watching the whole exchange. The rational half of your brain had excuses for everything it had seen, whereas the fantastical part was spinning at a million miles an hour, racking your brain for any and every supernatural, sci-fi, and fantasy movie you had ever seen to see if you had indeed seen what you had saw.

And if you had seen what you had saw, that meant you had to have seen something not meant to be seen, a rare sight, a glimpse of the unknown that seemed to stare back at you, even though his back was literally to you.

The three of you were the only ones left in the classroom, and summoning an unknown reserve of courage, you gripped your own backpack strap over your shoulder and marched over, tapping the brooding one on the shoulder as the sarcastic one sputtered in search of words most likely of distraction.

A low growl came from the first one, and he spun to face you, the glimmer you had seen in his eyes back for just long enough that your natural instincts kicked in, and you punched him right in the nose.

“Well, this can’t be good,” the sarcastic one mumbled, before offering you his hand. “Hey. I’m Stiles. By the way. And welcome to my world.” He gestured vaguely to the brooding one still holding his nose, jaw dropped on shock. “This is Jace, by the way.” The other one let out another growl, causing Stiles to scowl at him. “Be nice.”

Xxx

And that is how you and Stiles Stilinski became partners in crime at the FBI academy. You are like animal control for the werewolves, going around in a squad car, a SWAT van if you were lucky, and picking them up after full moons, and all that fun stuff. Stiles wanted to call you the “Supernatural Task Force United”, which made you chuckle only to cause a raised eyebrow be sent your way from him as he drove your latest save home.

“What? What’s wrong with it?”

“You do realize the acronym for that is STFU?”

Stiles’ jaw dropped, staring at the road ahead as the street lights passed by, his mouth finally moving to try and make speech, but only peculiar sounds came out, making you chuckle.

“Okay, smart ass, you think of a new one. Sing me the alphabet, and I will pick a letter, only start-“

“Start with ‘F’ and end with ‘U’?” You grinned at him as he let out a frustrated growl, punching the gas for no reason.

“You take all the fun out of everything ever. Like in the the universe, everything that is funless,” he pointed at you, eyes not leaving the road, one hand still on the wheel, “your fault.”

“Stop being dramatic, you’re acting like that Hale dude you introduced me to.”

“Which one?”

“Well…. Both. But I was referring to the younger one.”

“Derek.”

“I just call him ‘Dramatic’.” Stiles snorted a laugh. “And if anything, we are more like the cleanup crew for the mess that seems to follow you.”

“Follows us. I dragged you into this, I plan to continue to do so for the long haul and you gotta admit, you are kinda a magnet for problems of the supernatural variety.”

“Gee, thanks,” You huffed, looking out your window as you reached the edge of the woods. “Anyway, we are more like maids than a task force.”

“Don’t make me sing the alphabet.”

Xxx

You could hear Lydia through the phone even over the din that filled the space, wincing for what you imagined Stiles’ eardrums must have felt at the moment. Not really that you could blame her. Girl was a banshee, and she had some impressive pipes. “I keep hearing a-” she was cut off by the ominous loud noise on Stiles’ end, and knowing what it was yourself still wasn’t any kind of comfort. “That. I keep hearing a that. What is that, Stiles?”

He looked at you with his lips pulled into a thin line, and you wanted to shrink into the floor for him. “Um, we’re at the shooting range letting the new Beta let off some steam-”

He winced as her voice raised to a dangerous, near banshee level pitch. “Stiles! Stop it now! Someone is going to-”

“Die, I know, I get that since you started off the call with ‘I think someone is going to die’.” He rolled his eyes, making you stifle a laugh, sending a wayward glance at said Beta. They knew how to handle a gun, top in their class, you weren’t too worried.

“Stiles-”

He sighed exasperatedly. “How do I stop him?”

“Use your bat!” You cringed, knowing where the hole in that plan was.

“I, uh….”

“Stiles?”

He let out a defeated and agitated huff, rubbing the back of his neck. “They confiscated it from me for using it on a different Beta last week who was getting way too obsessed with turning his eyes on and off.”

Silence filled the air, and you couldn’t blame her. Dude had been weird. So his eyes glowed, so what? You had wanted to scream at him, “YOU JUST BECAME A WEREWOLF AND THIS IS THE FASCINATING PART TO YOU?!”

“Yeah, these wolves are weird. Makes me miss home.”

You reach out and kicked his shin lightly, knitting your eyebrows together on a glare sent his way, and he simply shrugged.

“Wow, that bad, huh?”

“They make me…. Sometimes I…. I miss Theo.”

Wait, he what?

“……I’ll come get you this weekend.” Lydia’s tone was understanding, and forgiving of the previous misunderstanding.

He sighed, closing his eyes, a small smile on his face. “Thank you. That almost made me throw up to say.”

You laughed quietly, shaking your head. Theo wasn’t all that bad, but still, you understood what he meant.

“I know.” Lydia sounded like she was smiling, probably thinking the same thing you were.

“Like, I seriously hate that dude.”

“We all kinda do.”

“These Betas are like, worse than baby Beta Scott.”

The line was quiet, almost heavy and tense.

“…..I’ll come get you now.”

Before she could hang up, Scott’s voice was heard in the background, “I wasn’t that bad was I?” Followed shortly by a loud, masculine sigh which you could only assume was Derek.

Pocketing his phone, you walked up to him with your hands behind your back. “Hey, slugger. I felt bad about being a crappy lookout last week, and-”

“Yeah, you owe me a bat.”

You glowered at him, bringing your arms to your front and producing a brand new aluminum bat. The anger on your face couldn’t stay with the beaming smile and awe filled eyes he had at seeing it, and you felt your own smile coming on.

A round of shots sounded from behind you, and you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath to restrain yourself from using the bat on the Beta yourself.

Opening them to look Stiles in the eyes again, you grinned. “Go nuts.”

“Oh,” he said, taking the bat and twirling it with a roll of his wrist, turning towards the lycanthrope at your back and leveling his gaze their way. “I plan to.”

[flowerconcept-blog]

gang!hakyeon

perhaps the scariest gang leader in seoul…...not because he’s particularly physically intimidating (that’s taekwoon and wonshik’s job) …. but because he knows EVERYTHING about EVERYONE and knows exactly how to use it to his advantage

not that he couldn’t completely obliterate someone physically….. he practices martial arts and his years of dancing as a teenager have made him very, very, very strong under his lean exterior

once a new member of the gang challenged him (before he realized it was cha hakyeon he was challenging) and hakyeon had him pinned to the floor within 30 seconds and no one has questioned his physical prowess since

has such a commanding presence that even though he isn’t as tall as some of the other gang higher ups you immediately know he’s the #1

despite being so infamous he’s very good at flying under the radar…….he’s never the one getting his hands dirty after all, that’s not what the leader does. instead he makes everyone else do the dirty work and sits back in his expensive apartment sipping wine

always wearing luxury suits…..has a silk robe and pyjama set that he wears to sleep…. even taekwoon who lives with him has never seen him looking anything less than flawless

has this pair of gucci sunglasses that he wears whenever he’s at the gang hq

seeing him walking around town you totally would assume he was a ceo or something, but no….he’s the most notorious criminal in the city………

has probably like. walked into the police office and filed a missing person’s report for someone he had killed…..and the police were like “wow what a kind charismatic handsome young man!!!”

basically he’s really really REALLY good at his job. and he’s proud of it…. like as a child hakyeon never thought he would end up being a gang leader but he doesn’t hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it

and the absurd amount of money is a bonus

anyways you don’t know any of this, but you do know cha hakyeon, because he pays you lol…… you’re work part time at a maid/cleaner service to cover your student bills and you clean hakyeon’s apartment

not that you’ve ever seen him….you have his number and he gives very specific instructions for when to come so you aren’t there when anyone is home. which sometimes is at weird times at night but as long as you’re getting paid you aren’t asking questions

and like…...you clean a lot of nice apartments but cha hakyeon’s is the nicest by FAR…..with a beautiful view of seoul and huge tvs in almost every room

plus it’s the least amount of work, because the two men living there are surprisingly neat

but despite all that ,,,,,, the place feels cold ,,,,,,, like there are almost no family photos up on the walls, especially in the master bedroom…… there are expensive paintings up on the walls and high tech kitchen equipment but there are no trinkets or anything to suggest …. well, that someone lives there

and honestly it kinda freaks you out! because the minimalism of the apartment is like…. a lil too much to deal with and you can just feel that something is up with your employer

there’s a room that you aren’t supposed to go into and it’s always locked and you wouldn’t be all that surprised if it was like. a room of dead bodies or something

little do you know you aren’t that…..far off………… but you go on with your normal calm life cleaning cha hakyeon’s apartment, never expecting that one day you would literally see ur life flash before your eyes

hakyeon had let you know that the house would be empty in the early afternoon so you show up with your cleaning gear and as you’re cleaning the kitchen you hear the front door open

this is unusual but you figure hakyeon or his roommate got home earlier than they anticipated so you just continue your work until you hear this weird noise turn around and there is this MASSIVE masked guy with a GUN in the living room (which is connected to the kitchen)

of course you freeze ……..because what the fuck..but when he spots you you know ur fucked and u try to get the hell out of there but the front door is too far……. and when you hear a gunshot you’re about 99% sure you are dead

but then u realize you felt…..nothing….. so you open your eyes and this handsome guy in an expensive suit is standing in the doorway of the locked room holding a gun

and the masked guy is DEAD

naturally you SCREAM “what the FUCK” and the handsome guy looks @ you with this steely eyed look and ur like o h h my god i’m dying today this is it

but then the cold look fades away and he coughs awkwardly as if he didn’t just MURDER someone but then he’s like “i’m hakyeon, nice to officially meet you…..i’m sorry about this mess”

you have no idea what the hell to do and are still pretty shellshocked and he can…. sort of tell ……. so casually he takes the throw off the couch and tosses it over the DEAD BODY and then approaches you carefully, taking you by the shoulders and maneuvering you to sit down

“would you like anything? water? i’m sure this is pretty alarming”

suddenly your systems all reboot and ur like “UM I WANT TO KNOW WHO THAT GUY IS AND WHY HE HAD A GUN and also who are you and why do YOU have a gun oh and yeah what the HELL is going on”

another awkward cough………….but hakyeon isn’t the type to hurt innocent civilians and his (cute) cleaner was never supposed to get roped into this…. so he figures……….. he’ll tell you as much of the truth as he’s able to and hopefully you won’t turn him into the police

he slowly explains that the man was a hitman who an “enemy” of his had hired to take him out, but he hadn’t expected him to come to the apartment otherwise he wouldn’t have let you come over…..

and he conveniently doesn’t really tell you what he does but you can sorta piece it together and ur kinda sitting there because……..

Holy Fuck

but at the same time, you trust hakyeon? something deep down in u makes u feel like he wouldn’t hurt anyone he didn’t have to. you can tell he’s dangerous but the fact that he told you the partial truth instead of murdering you sort of . intrigues you?

finally u just go “i don’t…...have to clean that[gestures at the body] though right?”

and hakyeon laughs for the first time since you’ve met and it’s a really nice laugh and he really is super handsome with a super nice voice and suddenly you feel yourself blushing

you hope he doesn’t notice ,,,,,, but hakyeon notices everything ,,,,,

as he escorts you out with a promise of doubling your recent paycheck, he smiles down at you and asks if you’d like to go out for dinner with him that weekend

ur like uhhh…...yes?!?!?!?!

that dinner ends up being at a place WAY too nice for the cheap dress you got for the occasion and you murmur that you’re underdressed to hakyeon and he’s like “you look more beautiful than anyone else in the room…..but also if you want we can go to mcdonalds”

u end up eating a big mac by the river and hakyeon doesn’t get fast food with just anyone….. he knows as soon as he gets ketchup on his chin and you laugh at him (but wipe it off afterwards) that he’s found someone special

for almost a month the two of you go on little dates like this without ever saying it’s a date, but each time you get closer to kissing until FINALLY you’re the one that breaks and kisses him goodnight…. hakyeon’s like ;^) because he’s totally been teasing you the whole time and wanted to make you kiss him first hehe

after that u guys are “””officially””” dating but he explains to you that his line of work isn’t….great and he doesn’t want you being in danger so it’s not official official you know?

he hires a new cleaner because he feels weird about having you be his worker and you’re like “you’re not going to seduce them too are you? because i doubt they would be cool with you killing someone in front of them”

and hakyeon’s like of course not~~~ i only have eyes for you~~~ as soon as i realized you used my favorite dish soap i was hooked~~~

he not so secretly pays off some of your student loans and ur like ummm wtf take it back i’m not your sugar baby ,,,,,, and he’s like i never really paid you enough for not ratting me out to the police consider this your blackmail money

when he finally tells you what his actual occupation is ur sorta like, yeah i figured

really unnecessarily flirty in public and especially annoying so when his gang members are around ,,,,, like ken so much as breathes your way and hakyeon is like I Am Your Boss. which half pisses you off because he knows you wouldn’t cheat but half makes you very attracted to him

you make him put up pictures in his room which he wouldn’t do for anyone else but he wants to have pictures of the two of you around for when he can’t see you

you’re pretty much the only one who can beat hakyeon in a fight of any sort because as much as he pretends he isn’t and teases you for liking him so much…. he’s very whipped for you ….. 

because ever since he got into crime he figured no one would ever love him the way you love him… but you see past the illegal stuff and really care about the person he is and he would do anything to make you happy and safe

[hakunayourtitatas]

HELLO EVERYONE!

It’s not very often that y’all see something from me on this tumblr that isn’t meme-worthy or some sort of support post but seeing as 2017 has been a long and FUCKIN HARD year I figured it deserved some sort of summary. 2017 marked the end of 13 years of schooling, 12 ½ of which were done at the same school (help). As much as I always said I despised that place with every atom in my being, it ended up being quite difficult to leave, almost like leaving a second home? Leaving my fav teachers and HOY and accepting I wouldn’t see my friends as much was a pretty tough part. BUT some positive stuff that came from 2017… INCLUDING THE FACT IM NOT DEAD YET which is quite incredible considering my constant state of depression and self-deprecating jokes but all good, all good. I ended up being ranked overall in the top 7 of Australia for my sport, which was pretty cool considering how many hundreds of hours of training and early mornings and tears went into it. I earned international benchmark scores, earned medals and trophies from every competition except 1 and started to gain heaps of confidence.

I had my school ball and formals, got closer with heaps of people and met some cool new ones and shoved some toxic people out the back door (lmao gtfo nobody likes u). I met a new family, who have all but adopted me and taken me under their wing… someone who’s a second mum/sister and bestfriend that I’ve known for years, her partner who pretty much qualifies as my adoptive dad and someone who made my heart so incredibly happy and broke it when I least expected it. Shit happens. Eh. I’ll get over it eventually… 2 days before Christmas though? Over text??? Really man?? C’mon… ouch. MOVING ON I graduated highschool and picked my grades up SLIGHTLY above my self-esteem and ended up getting just the right OP/exit score for my dream course at university, being accepted into an elite sport college and receiving early acceptance into the course at uni I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl. I got my license! Yay driving everywhere and not having to rely on a parental! I also got my first job so that’s pretty lit. I went on holidays (!!!) after nationals to New Zealand for 2 weeks and even though look sometimes it was miserable/a bit tough at some points overall it was really fun and I learnt heaps about the culture and how glaciers are melting and stuff. ON ANOTHER FRIENDSHIP NOTE I’ve actually become heaps closer with one of my ex’s who has been a wonderful friend ever since we were little. He always puts a smile on my face and has something positive to say lately and it’s made a heap of difference in my bad days at training or sad spam insta posts.

TIME FOR SOME SAD STUFF or ya know not so positive stuff… idk I can’t really think of anything that’s hardcore significant right now but I did end up leaving a lot of people and things behind in 2017, everyone’s like “yea 2017 was a fucking SHITTTEEEE year” and im just kinda like, meh. Like… bad things have happened sure and I’ve been hurting and struggling a lot at times but does that really render the whole year to be shit? Nah fam – just some shit times, doesn’t mean the whole thing has to be generalized that way. I did get rid of some toxic and unnecessarily nasty people, like dude I don’t have time for this and I really don’t care what you have to say so just kindly do us all a favor and fuck right off kthxbai. I did get really hurt by the person I least expected to hurt me this year though, and that was quite a blow tbh. In relation to that I have bad days and kinda ok days… but it still isn’t great ya feel? It takes time to get over these things and im always prepared to accept that but it doesn’t reduce the healing time. Hopefully we work things out and I can talk it out with him bc ya know his mum really fucked things up bro… like genuinely everyone who has an opinion on the situation (close friends, relatives etc.) believe it was purely her influence and his impressionability but ya know when this stuff happens and they don’t tell anyone or discuss any possible issues in the relationship with anyone other than the primary influencer, there’s nothing anyone can do to prepare for it or accept what’s happened because usually the other person doesn’t understand either. I don’t think he really understands what happened but hopefully it turns around. If it doesn’t, I wish him all the best. There’s nothing else you can do man, it just weighs you down.

FOR ANYONE STILL READING CONGRATS YOU’RE ALMOST AT THE END I PROMISE but look in summary 2017 wasn’t a shit year. It definitely had shit moments but that doesn’t mean the whole thing needs to be reviewed as “shit”. However, I genuinely hope 2018 is better, and fuck me im gonna be writing 2017 on everything for the next 3 months… rip potato chip. IT IS CURRENTLY NEW YEARS EVE EVE but I would have forgotten to do this tomorrow and I’m looking forward to spending the countdown with the people who are part of my new family (minus ya know the guy… we haven’t spoken since the breakup soooo yea idk I do feel more comfortable without him there and im glad they gave me that option).  I hope y’all had a great Christmas, and that 2018 is better for everyone.

DON’T FORGET TO HAKUNA UR TITATAS OKEH? OKEH. ❤️

[toomuchtimenerd]

Review for ‘The Unhoneymooners’ by Christina Lauren

Admittedly I ended up reading this book much quicker than I expected. Perhaps it was the fact that I was desperate to make myself forget I had ever read The Cruel Prince, or maybe I just needed some light reading to make myself feel like I was 15 years old again and reading my very first book on kindle: On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves. Perhaps a bit of both. Regardless, The Unhoneymooners was a delightful book that flew by so quickly despite being around 400 pages. I think I needed something super lighthearted and contemporary to temporarily draw my mind away from high fantasy. I love fantasy, I really do and my entire folder of drafts for fantasy stories that I’ve brainstormed over the last several years is proof of my love for fantasy. But sometimes it’s still nice to get away and read something about nonmagical people in a nonmagical world surrounded by nonmagical things. This book did just that for me, and the fact that it’s mostly set in Maui pulls at my heartstrings a little because my first vacation with my boyfriend was actually in Maui too. What a happy coincidence.

Even though this book didn’t stir a lot of great, wild emotions within me the same way a lot of YA fantasy tends to, I’d still like to comment on some parts that I liked (which was a lot) and a few parts that were kinda ‘meh’ with me. This review is probably going to be a lot shorter than what I’ve written before, but that’s okay. 

The Unhoneymooners is about a 30-something-year-old Latina named Olive who narrates the entire story with the exception of the epilogue (which is narrated by the male love interest). Some background on Olive: she’s supposedly incredibly unlucky and unfortunate in life... almost like somehow all her luck has been sucked dry by her twin sister Ami. Ami’s the one who wins all the jackpots for random stuff in life, so much so that she managed to snag enough jackpots to plan a dream wedding and a free honeymoon for the price of only around $1000. As someone who also proclaims herself to be somewhat pretty unlucky in life, I relate to Olive pretty hard. I used to not be a pessimist, but whenever I look back on some of the stuff that has happened in my life that were TOTALLY out of my control I can’t help but chuckle and be like “wow my life is pretty darn unlucky sometimes”. Now it’s just easier for me to deal with certain things if I don’t get my hopes too high up beforehand. But enough about me. 

The story starts with Ami’s wedding, and unfortunately the jackpot she won for a free luxury shellfish catering at her wedding goes completely awry and almost everyone gets serious food poisoning. All except for our lovely heroine and of course, the love interest. The male lead is Ethan, the older brother of Ami’s new husband and also a guy that Olive does not really like at first. They met about 2-3 years ago, when Ami and Ethan’s brother (Dane) first started going out, and because Olive misinterpreted Ethan’s facial reaction at her eating cheese curds she forever believed that he didn’t like her and she wrote him off as a fat-shamer or something of the sort. Kind of weird, but okay I guess. Ethan’s your typical hottie, also 30-something years old and apparently has the looks of a frat boy (like Dane) but the personality of a homebody semi-dork (unlike Dane). Ethan does something math-related for a living and loves staying at home. He also has a lucky penny. How cute. 

So when everyone’s yacking and having explosive diarrhea all over the place, Olive and Ethan decide to make good use of the free honeymoon to Maui and make an agreement to tolerate each other for the length of their trip. The book very quickly gets juicy, considering a series of events happens and they are essentially forced to put on a constant charade of pretending to be newlyweds. All this pretending wears and tears down their emotional barriers with one another, and next thing you know they’re sharing feels and kisses and tongue action together. We find out that they both shared mutual feelings of attraction when they first met, but Dane had actually warned Ethan to not get involved with Olive due to her penchant for negativity (which stems from the fact that she’s so unlucky in life all the time). At one point at a baseball game or something, Olive goes to get cheese curds and as she’s enjoying her food she stumbles into Ethan who apparently makes a weird face at her and she gets incredibly insecure and feels like he was fat-shaming her. Turns out (and I can’t believe this took over 2 years to reconciliate) he was trying to mask his attraction towards her and avoid her out of respect for Dane. But Olive just assumed the worst, thinking Ethan did not like her and decided to return the feelings with mutual dislike. This alienated Ethan, and obviously who’s going to pursue a girl who’s giving you the vibes that scream ‘stay away from me!! i dont like u!!!’? Not any normal, sane, decent guy. 

Personally, I felt like this backstory between Olive and Ethan was super weird and not the most well fleshed out or even something that remotely makes much sense. I get feeling insecure and I understand not liking someone simply on the basis that you think they don’t like you. But I don’t understand how someone completely misinterprets a facial expression THAT much and then holds it against the other person for THAT long. Heck, I’m absolutely one to hold grudges against people but even I don’t think I’d hold a grudge for that long over something like that. But hey, this whole book is meant to be comedy fluff so I ain’t too bothered by this nonsense backstory. 

I’d say about 70-80% of the book is literally just about the relationship build-up between Olive and Ethan, and the rest is about the shitshow that is Ami and Dane, specifically just Dane. Turns out he’s been cheating on her for the majority of their 3-year relationship, and tbh Ami’s initial reaction to Olive informing her of Dane’s unfaithfulness kind of pissed me off. It’s one thing to not want to believe it, but it’s another to completely disregard it and turn it back on your sister by claiming they’re just trying to sabotage you or something. Thankfully, this whole issue is resolved pretty quickly and Ami’s way of finding the truth out herself was simply magnificent. She texted each of her husband’s side-chicks through his phone, pretending to be him, and had them all come by their house at the same time on the same day just so she can confront Dane and all his flings about his faithfulness. So beautifully done, it almost brings a tear to my eye. 

So in conclusion, The Unhoneymooners was a lighthearted and enjoyable read that truly had me either smiling or silently laughing for maybe a third of the book. The language was great, the chemistry between Olive and Ethan was oh so ooh la la, and way Lauren weaved in the love and support of a big close-knitted (and very dramatic) family was heartwarming. I may try to search for more books like these since light fluff is always much needed to help treat my seasonal depression (thanks January). But I’m always worried about shelling money over a book that ends up reading a little too much like corny fanfiction. For example, I absolutely adored Meg Cabot books when I was in middle school, but now that I’m in my 20s I really don’t think I could read any of her books for more than half an hour. If I tried, I would end up rolling my eyes out of their sockets. Books about a contemporary romance between teenagers seemingly always end up becoming so dramatic, but then again it’s probably because teenagers are incredibly dramatic. I should know this, after all, I definitely was a dramatic teenager. I wish I were being sarcastic. I’m just going to sprinkle some of my favorite quotes from The Unhoneymooners so I can help myself forget about how unnecessarily dramatic I was as a teen.

“I want to say something sassy, but the only coherent thought that comes to mind is how insulting it is that eyelashes like his were wasted on Satan’s Errand Boy...” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.2) 

- TELL ME WHY IS THAT QUOTE SO RELATABLE? WHY ARE BEAUTIFUL LASHES ALWAYS WASTED ON MEN?? MY BOYFRIEND HAS THE MOST STUNNING LASHES EVER MEANWHILE I NEED TO GLUE FALSIES ON MY DAMN EYELIDS JUST TO ACHIEVE HALF OF WHAT HE’S GOT

“I can appreciate my body in a bikini and still want to set fire to the patriarchy.” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.7)

- All I can say is yas preach 

“I am a homebody, through and through, and there’s nothing like being at home.” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.15)

- Also too relatable. I enjoy traveling, I enjoy vacations, I enjoy spending a night out with friends, and I enjoy a good party. But at the end of the day, there’s nothing I enjoy more than my own bed

[kookmint]

i feel very unimportant in every aspect of my life and i don't know how to deal with it anymore. i'm just so tired of feeling like it wouldn't make a difference if i just disappeared. i don't even know how to bring it up to anyone. people just keep changing the subject whenever i try to say something about it. like it's not even important enough to make sure i'm okay. i know the world in general is very selfish, but i just want one person to ask me if i'm alright and make me feel like i matter

Feeling insignificant is the worst feeling. Sometimes it may seem like people don’t care about you or you may seem lesser to them, but that’s not the case. People can’t be terrible at showing that you matter to them and how important you are to them. We tend to take people for granted and don’t realize it until they are already hurt. I would suggest not bringing it up casually but asking someone to sit down with you and talk about it. Because then all the focus will be on you and what you want to say. Please know that you are NOT insignificant and you DO matter anon. Communicate with those around you because it could be a misunderstanding ❤️

Anonymous said: I never told this even to my friends but i havent date for 2years, not because “i’m not ready” but because i’m so scared. I’m ready to date. My ex cheated on me, her reasons was because i was annoying and old fashioned bc i think that emotions are more important than materialistic things (expensive gifts etc). It still makes me so self-conscious… I’ve meet someone recently that i like but i don’t make a move, since i’m scared that the same thing will happened again

It sounds to me that your last ex was a complete asshole to you. First of all there’s absolutely NO excuse for cheating. No “reason” or anything. Thinking that emotions are more important than materialistic things isn’t being “old fashioned” it’s being a decent human being! Please don’t listen to the things she tried to blame on you because it’s all wrong! I completely understand how scary it is to move on because of the fear of getting hurt–i was cheated on too. But the thing is, everyone is different and there’s no guarantee that it won’t happen again. But there IS a chance that you will meet someone that’s just right for you. So take a chance! Be wary but take a chance ❤️

Anonymous said: hi this is super random but i hope you don’t mind me pouring out my thoughts. my best friend’s boyfriend is having to move really far away in a couple days and she’s really sad about it. they were a really good couple and have been together for years. i just don’t know how to help her feel better :(

that must be hard for her :/ the best thing you can do for her is be there for her (obviously). I’m not the best person to be asking this when it comes to comfort, but spend time with her, go out, play games, get dinner–take her mind off it! I’m not sure if they are trying long distance or not? But if they are let her know that she can still be strong even if her boyfriend isn’t there! ❤️

Anonymous said: !!! my crush is a friend of a few years. cute. soft hands, firm handshake (wut dem hands do👀) v respectful. makes skinship unnecessarily. goes out of his way to be super nice. reliable. we get along really well. BUT he lives 1 hr away & he’s a few years older than me(20 n 24) i’m still in college; he graduated = small maturity gap. he’s kind of private (so I’m kinda like what if he has a kid or smth lol) Think he’s just being a decent human & i should get over him but I’ve fallen n can’t get up

Sounds like you’ve got it bad anon 👀👀 the age gap isn’t bad at all. I’d be a lil worried for u if he has a kid already but thats only a possibility. The distance between u is a little far :/ hng idk if you are into long distance or not oh god there are so many possibilities between you two 😰😰 I hope you are able to work things out cause he sounds like a nice guy!