#i know it was predictable but that doesn't make it any less shitty

[greenarts]

lmao i'm so mad that if I ever give birth to twins I will separate them (?

[youcouldmakealife]

Masking, YCMAL edition

So, after the general info on masking, here's how it specifically looks like and impacts some of the 'verse's characters.

I think I kind of need to preface this with the fact that a lot of my characters have neurodivergent traits because, well. I do. I don't know how a neurotypical person thinks, the same way a neurotypical person doesn't know how a neurodivergent person thinks. You can read about the experience, and, despite shitty stereotypes to the contrary, you can empathize with it, but the wiring of the brain is literally different.

So when I'm listing characters here as neurodivergent, I either a) set out to write them that way or b) in hindsight can't deny that their experiences are written through a very specifically neurodivergent lens. Someone not being explicitly labelled as ND doesn't necessarily mean they aren't, I just..really don't want to go back through my entire 'verse applying diagnoses the same way I happily slap an MBTI or enneagram or kindergarten teacher/assassin label on them, because that feels wrong.

But if you're neurodivergent and see something in a particular character that makes you feel seen, I'm not going to tell you 'nah man, they're actually neurotypical'. Especially because literally every single one of them was written by someone neurodivergent.

Anyway! Canonically ND characters and their masks:

David: masks extensively. Generally does his best for 'unobtrusive, pay no attention', unsure why it doesn't seem to work (mostly because he's talented and beautiful, so it seems less 'unobtrusive' and more 'I think I'm better than you', which isn't helped by the fact that often when the mask does slip, it's to show frustration, contempt, or disdain -- think at the All-Star Game his rookie year, or several points early on with Jake. Also does not help that he often does think he's better than people.)

Bryce: Still laughing at 'straightsona' used to describe Bryce out with his teammates, because it's perfect. His 'I don't care, I'm hot as shit, bitches love me' dickhead behaviour was him picking up those behaviours from popular peers and teammates over the years, partly mistaking that for the reason they were popular (rather than being seen as boy kings making them callous or arrogant), and partly viewing them as the exemplar of someone no one would predict was gay. Jared's worst enemy.

Speaking of, honourable mention to Raf Sanchez AND Julius Halla here, Jared's going around collecting neurodivergent loved ones all through IJ(aoe).

James: 'unobtrusive, pay no attention', much more successfully than David, partly because he has a mouthpiece in the form of Finn. His crashing after road trips is partly extended overstimulation and change, but it's also having to wear the mask more extensively, because he has much less time to himself, especially when he shared a room. (He's mostly unmasked with Finn, that's why Finn is his exception to a lot of No People things, but he wasn't at the beginning).

Holden: Also kind of 'I don't care, I'm hot as shit, bitches love me', but...ironically? He doesn't mask as much as the others, and because of that, he frequently drives away people who originally seem to like him and wonders why. Has been described as 'a lot'.

Fiona: Literally will not leave the house without a full face of makeup and a pair of heels or she'll feel exposed and vulnerable, and putting her make up on is how she prepares to be Outside Fiona. She's very perky and friendly at work. The second she gets home it's an 'uggggh' moment and straight into the shower to decompress/literally unmask. She's more aware than any of the guys that she's putting on a performance, partly because she grew up with all those 'girls are expected to be...' followed by a list of things she definitively wasn't. Has also been described as 'a lot'.

Finn: And How May I Be of Service To You Today?

Now this is where it gets kind of interesting because like -- people often have facades. That's not a neurodivergent only thing. People can be fake, or posture, or pretend to be something they're not. Mike, for example, will lean into the big macho asshole when he's put on the defensive, Willy is Always Performing, Thomas is sunshine even when he doesn't really feel like being that, Robbie will play the buffoon to make people laugh if he thinks they need it, half of Joey's rants are playing to the cheap seats.

Like, there's a difference between pretending you're somebody else sometimes, or behaving inauthentically, and full on 'yeah, they're masking'.

But Georgie is masking. Georgie is, at all times, evaluating his surroundings, monitoring people's emotions and reactions (especially to him), and behaving in the manner he thinks is most likely to lead to his being liked. And he was already doing that when Robbie met him, but it's intensified significantly since.

I think that's where the biggest difference lies between some of the above ND characters and Georgie? David, for example, doesn't care if he's liked (like, yes he does, but also...no). The mask is for safety/to minimize vulnerability. David's in particular was tweaked to get praise and avoid criticism from his parents (didn't work), teachers, and coaches (worked much better), not so much for his peers.

But Georgie's isn't for safety. Georgie doesn't manage his behaviour to avoid harm, Georgie wants people to like him. And he's discovered that people don't seem to like him when he does certain things, or acts certain ways, or needs things from them, so he just...doesn't do those things.

Finn's interesting because he has both forms. Please like him it'll break his heart if you don't.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Random Predictions Time!

So I was thinking with all of the new Jensen projects coming up, why not make some predictions about what will happen in these shows? Now obviously I have zero clue about the plots of ANY of these but these are the random things my writer brain has come up with.

What do you guys think could happen in the new shows/seasons? Do you agree with any of these? Think any are impossible? Let me know!

Countdown Predictions

Mark Meachum will be a widow and/or have lost his wife and child in an accident

Plot will involve a bioweapon or nuke at some point

There will be a mole (traitor) on the team

Mark will be shot at least once

Mark will be held hostage at least once

Office romance between two people (not mark)

Mini basketball hoop on doorway in the office

Someone on the team dies or goes missing in the season finale

Mark plays/played baseball at some point in his past

The Boys S5 Predictions

Soldier Boy plays the role of Homelander's father in order to get a bit of power/control back but couldn't care less about him

Soldier Boy zaps the powers out of Homelander in the finale

Homelander doesn't die the finale and is forced to live out life as a normal human

Butcher & Soldier Boy die in the finale

Hughie lives, everyone else has a 50/50 shot

Ashley works with The Boys to kill Homelander

Vought collapses as a company, only natural born supes will remain after

Vought Rising Predictions

Soldier Boy daddy issues with papa Soldier Boy scenes

Soldier Boy has an emotional scene with his mother

StormFront/Liberty and Soldier Boy hate each other but have an enemies with benefits relationship

Soldier Boy's toxic masculinity is not as prominent in the first episodes

Noir-esque types of filming (editing, coloring wise)

Detective Soldier Boy tries to solve a murder but winds up protecting Vought's image when he finds out the truth and therefore they give him more and more fame/money to hide it

Soldier Boy knows he's a shitty actor but doesn't care

Someone calls him "Ben"

Stormfront/Liberty scenes as a mom with her daughter

[nightshadehoney]

So HotD made the most predictable possible change to the source material for Blood and Cheese (with a strangely lackluster presentation), because only one theme allowed in a show I guess.

The change probaby would've worked if the show had actually spent time establishing Helaena's character and her relationship to her children at any point before this. But it's more important to tear through events at warp speed to get to the dragon fighting parts.

Like we can easily understand why Fire and Blood Helaena makes the decision she does--she thinks her toddler doesn't understand what is going on as much her older son. And her reaction is easy to understand too--it's not surprising that a mother who experienced that would be mad with grief.

But for HotD, why did Helaena point out Jahaerys so immediately? Did it nor occur to her to lie? Was she attempting a double bluff? Does she actually value Jahaera more, because Jahaerys is the heir to her shitty husband? Was she acting in accordance with a dragon dream she had? We don't really know, and don't even really have enough information about her to make any informed speculations.

Why Helaena seem to under-react and refer to her own son as "the boy"? I guess we're supposed to just accept as a result of shock and the fact that she's autistic or whatever? But it would be easier to accept if we had a stronger baseline for how she typically acts.

I won't go as far to say that I hate HotD or that I think it's bad, it's just that I find it profoundly disappointing. The one reason I decided to watch it when I didn't care about the Game of Thrones show is that I actually wanted to see it adapted. I wanted to see the story decompressed and to learn things about the characters and their relationships that only existed between the lines in the book. Instead what I got was a show that threw everything I wanted to see more of out completely and feels like its giving me even less details than the book did.

[sybaritick]

another galetash post from me as usual but this time it's re: how much i love intentionally bringing up and contrasting Gortash's absolutely shitty childhood with Gale's (which was certainly difficult in ways but it seems that financial hardship wasn't one of em!)

things i said on discord to my friends about my galetash fic concept and the concept of food shortages in Baldur's Gate following the Absolute crisis, how Gale might feel guilty about their luxury in the face of such hardship and Gortash would admonish him for it--

the tight situation on the outside worsens predictably as fall turns to winter. gortash, of course, can get whatever he wants. what used to be a "people on the outside can't get butter anywhere but we use it as usual" situation becomes "gortash offers a truly surprising variety of breakfast pastries now. with that rotten little quirk of his lips, like you're the only one not in on the joke." it's intentionally showing off. gale hates this a little too much. he's familiar with the way the upper crust remains insulated from the struggles of the populace, but it's another thing altogether to worsen them for some petty little display of power. gortash will give him a sympathetic little smile. a nasty little justification about how one should at least take the time to indulge in the trappings of power occasionally. the Black Hand may reward striving for striving's sake-- but what's a better reminder of the importance of our goals than to enjoy the fruits of our labor from time to time? don't tell me you feel guilty. why, when you were a boy at Blackstaff i doubt a bad harvest would ever touch the meals they'd afford you. even if a dry roll or two wasted by squabbling schoolboys might have meant the world to some street urchin in the lower city, hm? (resentment, resentment, resentment. gortash lets a little too much slip, there.)

(this is not like. finished dialogue for the fic this is just off the cuff chattering to friends. but you get my point)

the point is that I enjoy a Gale that does not want to see the depth of the divide between what the upper classes are afforded and what the rest have to face. and Enver who very much wants to show it to him. Don't flinch from the reality of it. Glory in being on top.

i will write them as a champagne socialist / gutter-born archcapitalist because i think it's fun and nasty. gale's "I love this city (just don't go to that other part)" vibes about Waterdeep are very real. do you think they made him volunteer at a soup kitchen or tutoring on the other side of the tracks as a kid for some honor-society purpose? gotta get his community service hours in. does he go to the annual charity dinner at Blackstaff? and does he feel warm and fuzzy inside for 15 seconds when he gets the scholarship-mandated thank you letter from some random student about how grateful they are for their education? you know he comes off as a bit out of touch...

it doesn't make Gortash any less horrible. but it does make Gale look a little less nice. :)

[ryan-nugenthopkins]

trick or treat AGAIN. gimme another or more smacking

AGH NO NOT THE SMACKS PLEASE

As evidenced by the vampire homoeroticism I always have a soft spot for urban fantasy / urban magic alternative universes, and I like building out abilities or gifts and how that might shape player personalities or careers to a certain degree. I name a couple powers/what people are in this fic but don't actually dive into them so:

Hyman - prophet/divination. Had debilitating visions and headaches as a kid but worked through them using both hockey and literature. Makes sense of his visions using literary tropes, but struggles to give real, concrete answers for things because of it. You can tell when he's using his gift/being sent a vision because he'll start weeping gold dust.

Nurse - part of a famous hunter family / enclave back in Ontario. He doesn't do much of the politics or anything, but he's raised knowing most of the magical history and creatures. And how to kill them, but - y'know.

Kulak - grew up with and around hunters but not to the same degree as his Ontario counterparts. I think Alberta is generally less magical than other parts of the country, so he has familiarity with magic and magical creatures, but more theory than practice.

Skinner - half empathy, half divination; basically has an additional sense that allows him to detect the nature of relationships between people. It's really niche for a gift, even for in-universe, which is the only reason he's able to play hockey with it active.

Bouchard - werewolf :) that's it. I think werewolfism is both hereditary and transmissible, but his was hereditary but maybe recessive. Typical werewolf stuff - strength, endurance, turns into a creature every full moon.

McLeod (RIP) - You know Jubliee from the X-Men? With the funny little fireworks? I think he'd have something akin to that. Very mild light manipulation that he mostly uses to be annoying at his teammates. He probably isn't allowed to use it on the ice though.

Gagner - some sort of telepathy, I think. I feel like telepathy would be cheating in the eyes of the NHL but he probably a fairly low grade that means he can't actually use it to read the play or predict opponents, so it's like... okay. Imagining the negotiations about this stuff between NHLPA and the NHL amuses me, can you tell.

Nugent-Hopkins - faerie of the Winter Court, mostly associated with the element of water and being kinda shitty. He wasn't exactly that important back in the land of Faerie, hence fucking off to Earth and playing hockey. Immortality, general magical powers but particularly over snow/ice/water, and I like to think that fae like playing trickster and have some psychological related abilities such as manipulating emotions. While not important, he's still powerful compared to most people and magical beings, and does take advantage of that by making deals and making sure people are owing him favours. He's nice. I swear.

Non-Oiler players:

Puljujarvi - another weird prophet guy! I think he has a gift for making the right connections at the right time - finding people who need something or someone. Like a super networker, but he can't explain why these two people should meet

T.D. (head athletic therapist) - lie detector, basically. I think it'd be useful, especially working with hockey players.

MTkachuk - werewolf. Yes, solely because that dynamic between him and Draisaitl would be extremely funny. Extremely hereditary for their family.

Reinhart - grew up with McDavid as a hunter.

If YOU have opinions on what someone should be / want me to build out your favourite little guy in any of my deeply convoluted aus you can always send me an ask :)

[cavehags]

I feel like rian johnson writes women like he is so so worried about being cancelled for misogyny so every lady (who doesn’t fall into a misogynistic trope) comes across as having like. Divine insight to impart on men she knows.

Like how so many black characters in mainstream movies especially in the 80s and 90s and later on gay characters exist as just hyper competent borderline magical support systems for their white/straight Main Character friend

Idk maybe that’s not quite it but I think he’s afraid of women

i don't think i've seen enough of his stuff to really have an informed take on this - i've only seen knives out and glass onion. but based on what i have seen, i would push back slightly. in those two films, the female protagonists felt very hollow and overly virtuous and moral, but i didn't feel like they were especially wise. in glass onion, helen's attitude happened to be against the rich people, but she was driven by emotion (anger, grief, desire for revenge), rather than intellect. but the (mostly white) women surrounding her were as flawed as the men -- some in particularly gendered ways, such as birdie, a classic dumb blonde archetype. claire and peg had no real personalities to speak of, and while whiskey had the slightest hint of a hidden depth, her insight was limited to the emotional/social dynamics of what was going on within her own relationship. depicting women as particularly intelligent or wise would be a bit more subversive than what he's actually doing, which is depicting these two protagonists as highly emotional underdogs driven by affection for their loved ones. it's quite a stereotypical and mainstream characterization of women, really.

also, i think if you're going to analyze what the protagonists of these two films represent as women, you have to include the context that they are also women of color, and basically the only significant women of color in these two films. there is a running thread in those two movies where it seems like johnson is consciously making the most innocent characters women of color. and i understand why, because there's something true about his depiction of these characters as outsiders in the spaces they're in who aren't trusted by the people around them. that dynamic in the films is key to his pretty liberal critique of racism. in knives out, he clearly establishes marta as subject to racism; by making the rich people surrounding marta highly suspicious of her but also establishing that marta hasn't done anything wrong, he positions his film in opposition to that overt racism and misogyny. buuut if you zoom out, there's another, more liberal school of misogyny and racism he hems to by not giving his women of color any humanity at all. it suggests that giving marta or helen any flaws, even little ones, would complicate the black-and-white morality because they can't be even a little bit flawed and still be liked. the morality system in these films is really thin.

that said, while i think there was a missed opportunity to make the protagonists more roundly defined, i don't agree with the comparison to 80s/90s Black characters. for one thing, these women are the protagonists of their films, not glorified extras shoved into the background. they take meaningful action, and they have motivations - they're just weak and predictable. and i also think the writing of the supporting characters in glass onion is equally bad? in glass onion, helen dominated the story, but the other characters are also extremely one-note. just like johnson doesn't seem to trust that his audience would recognize helen as the hero if she had any flaws, he also makes the background characters incredibly obviously loathsome. it suggests that he thinks giving them an ounce of redeemable characterization would topple the entire thing. one-note villains can work in satire, but it works less well when every character is equally flat.

basically i just think he's a shitty writer, and his weaknesses are more plain when you look at the characters who have the most screentime - who happen to be women of color. they are shallowly written and lazily support the blandly liberal messaging he's going for, but i don't think fear of women is really the motivating factor. it's more like he had a gem of a good idea (about who is and isn't trusted in highly judgmental wealthy spaces) that was then burdened by limited writing ability to pull it off. sad!

[morgue-xiiv]

In the time of black and white films, most film was what's called "orthochromatic". It did not render colour evenly accross the spectrum. Blues might appear brighter and yellows much darker. Or something. For this reason, the majority of films used grey sets and costumes so that they could predict exactly how the colours would come out in the final film. They intentionally made the sets look LESS realistic to get a more realistic outcome because the medium had some limitations.

When you draw stuff you're not rendering it in a perfect photorealistic way. I really hate the art advice to draw things "as they are, not as you think they are". Firstly, from what I've read, Quentin Blake seems to disagree and I'm gonna side with him. Secondly it just doesn't work for me. Maybe it's great for some people but in my experience if you're drawing a hand that has lots of tiny bumps in the shape that gives them a rich and detailed outline, that'll look awful and your best bet is to drastically simplify the shape to the essence of what people THINK a hand looks like. Sometimes there's no shadow somewhere, but there needs to be a shadow to convey the shape of the thing or its relationship to other objects. In my experience it's better to add the shadow at all times.

Now arguably if I was better at art I'd be able to get a good drawing out of the way the thing actually looks.... I'd have better proportions or placement in the tiny details so they'd still look good. But this is advice people give BEGINNER artists especially so... Maybe you'll improve better if you follow it? However in my experience the main barrier to improving is all my art looking like shit so I don't want to continue, and any advice that tells you to make art that looks like shit as a learning experience is misguided at best and intentionally trying to weed out "the weak" in a malicious and shitty way at worst.

As far as I'm concerned this is the opposite of correct and one of the most important skills in art is actually drawing what will convey what you want the audience to see NOT what you literally see in what you're drawing. A lot of the time this comes down to understanding the medium. Sometimes you can't meet the resolution of a detail or its colour as it is and you have to find the right place TO meet it instead.

Most of my best pieces happened when I stopped looking at where there were literal shadows in a reference and thought about where a shadow could fall to define a shape. Maybe I got less accurate lighting but you know what I also go? Art that didn't look like shit. Which was what I wanted.

[rabbithaver]

uh. whoops. idk if this qualifies as a vent post or if it's just me being introspective but either way, it kinda got away from me so now i'm putting it beneath a read more.

usually, when it comes to strangers, i am pretty good at not giving a shit about whether or not i am annoying. it isn't something that bothers me as much as it used to.

what really gets me is feeling like i'm annoying to everyone i know personally. like eventually one day everyone in my life is gonna realize, "oh rabbit is actually really irritating, frustrating, and stupid" and leave. and i cant even deal with this anxiety by being like "that's ridiculous, it'll never happen" because. it has happened. many many many many times. it's happened dozens of times throughout my entire life, in fact, and it has permanently fucked with my ability to form bonds and relationships

so many of my interactions with people now involve me mentally wondering if that interaction will be the final straw, the thing that makes the other person realize, "why do i bother, again?"

because there is nothing about me that someone else doesn't already do better. someone out there is nicer. someone out there is funnier. someone out there is a better artist or writer. someone out there is better at socializing. someone out there has far less emotional baggage than i do.

someone else will always be better than me at everything i am good at and at that point it's like... why even keep me around? i'm not worth the trouble. i'm not worth the annoyance. there is genuinely nothing special or unique about me; people can always get what they come to me for somewhere else that's far less frustrating and pathetic.

so many people have either left or hurt me or both that it colors every conversation i have and every social action i take. it leads to me pushing people away or clinging too hard. it leads to me predicting based on past toxic interactions that something bad will happen in an otherwise healthy friendship. it leads to me misinterpreting signals in the worst way because i want to be prepared for things going wrong.

because they always, always go wrong. and in an effort to deal with that, i became a massive people-pleaser.

i struggle to deal with simple, casual differences of opinion because i am so used to people using those disagreements as a blunt weapon. i am so used to having someone decide i wasn't "normal enough" to be their friend. i am so used to having someone screenshot all our private conversations to use them as "callout post material" later. i lived with these things throughout my entire teenage existence and now i don't know what a healthy friendship looks like. i don't know how to turn off the paranoia. i should be able to, but i don't.

and because of these things i walk on eggshells a lot. i get cagey and weird when there's differing opinions. and it's really really hard for me to take it at face value when people say "no, i'm not mad at you" because in the past, i've had people say that and then turn around and use the thing they actually were mad about as proof that i'm actually a bad person.

and like... i am actually a bad person. in the long run, anyway. when i was active in leftbook, i was really shitty to a lot of people who really didn't deserve it. i participated in a culture of cliques, ostracism, call-outs over minor discourse, and just... it was bad. i was a really horrifically bad person who said some really horrifically bad things to other people in the name of "activism" and being a "good leftist." i was dealing with my trauma by harming other people. i was lashing out at others even when they were trying to help me. i was deeply, deeply fucking toxic.

and as much as i've tried to mellow out over the years since, i'm still that same person. it was still me who did those things. i wouldn't do any of those things now, and if i could, i would undo them in a second, but that doesn't change the fact that there are people who are worse off because of my actions and because of the culture i participated in.

i've been trying to make the trip from "malicious and spiteful asshole" to "socially inept but otherwise friendly rando." it's harder than you'd think when the trauma that caused that negative shift in the first place is still very real.

[sedgewicke]

Well. Reading the prologue to the fifth book sure is... A Thing when you've only read the first. Half of it doesn't even count as spoilers to me, it's pure word salad.

My main takeaway is that Sadeas would be fucking pissed if he knew Gavilar was keeping aaaaaaaaaallllllll thaaaaaat from him. And Merida is in on it? MERIDA!? No idea what he'd make of the secrets themselves, it's kind of a lot of a lot.

I am disappointed to know that Sadeas being with Gavilar that night meant nothing more than him hustling up like "Here, take my armor, I'm gonna go probably trying to save your life I hope you haven't been keeping any absurdly massive secrets from me bye!"

Not that I expected it to be revealed that they were banging on top of everybody's coats, but it's nice to have some empty spaces for the imagination to roll around in.

So, what's the deal with telling Dalinar not to drink (albeit in a weird, cryptic way), and then telling his guy to make sure he gets something to drink? Is it to test Dalinar's will? Is it just to fuck with him? Is it to redirect blame from Dalinar for choosing to get drunk that night and put it back on Gavilar? Because that would be on-Brando. (See: Dalinar having the gall to blame Sadeas for not doing enough, and this not being treated as an absolutely wretched thing to say.) As someone who's lived with an alcoholic for 15+ years: Fuck that. I ain't got that kind of patience for winos no more.

Everybody's pissed at Gavilar for how he treated Navani, but to be brutally honest? I don't care. You married a war criminal. What do you want? No, what I'm pissed about is how he must've treated Elhokar if that's what he thinks about him. No wonder that boy's got so many problems. I sure am glad Elhokar got to prove his dad wrong by becoming a Radiant and helping to save the wor--ohhhh. Yeeeaahhh. Fuck you, Sanderson.

EDIT: Because I should've known better than to not include a disclaimer re: my opinions on this fictional character's fictional life situation. I would have been sympathetic towards Navani, despite the fact that she made a blatantly terrible decision... but then ch 75 of TWoK happened and she pulled some real Scumbag Mom Tactics--and unlike Gavilar's Scumbag Dad Tactics, it's treated as NBD, nothing to see here--and so now? I don't care. And if you tell me I need to care? I will care less. Signed, a real life victim of emotional abuse--not that that matters, apparently.

I hope it's explained somewhere, at some point, how Gavilar got into any of this. Did he just up and start having visions like Dalinar, and one thing led to another? I don't know shit about any of these non-human entities pullin' strings and whatnot yet, but I feel like they probably have some stuff to answer for. They gotta know that humans do not do well with having mystical nonsense foisted upon them like that.

What's up with mentioning Aesudan like she's an old chum. We're talking Elhokar's wife, right? How old is she, that she'd be pallin' around with Gav and the Sadeases? Is she like Aesudan Jr. or something?

His family. In that moment, Gavilar saw his legacy crumbling. He was dying. Storms. He was dying. What was le to him? What did anything matter if he was dying. He couldn’t. He couldn’t... He was supposed to be eternal...

ngl, this got to me. Sure, he was a dumb bitch getting up to all kinds of dumb bitch shit, but I dunno, man, something about dying thoughts does stuff to me. Look, I hurt inside when I think about... Roshone's? shitty kid's death, and I don't even remember his name. No one can predict what'll get to me and what won't (probably what's not supposed to and what is, respectively), not even me.

I liked that there were little bips of humanity tucked in between all the red conspiracy string. Like "When was the last time I hung out with my friends? NO TIME! GODHOOD NOW! I think I used to like my wife? NO! RENEW THE APOCALYPSE TO SAVE THE WORLD OR SOMETHING!"

[chlorophasmic]

If you were confused before, the fog only clears to reveal a broader puzzle when he's drawn back from your space- And yelling again, like you did something wrong. It stills the simmer inside you, frozen over by the icy fronds of hurt gripping your stupid fucking pusher. He's pulled away from you, and all it feels like is another tear, this one unbleeding. Why?

You've flinched back since the eruption started, propped more firmly on a freed elbow to keep from laying so vulnerably when you're receiving so much unimpeded aggression at once. Even so, it doesn't make you feel any less small. Maybe you'd gotten your classpect wrong with all the head trauma; It'd make you a seer to predict your inevitable downfall as accurately as you have, your clumsy tongue doing nothing but harm even when you're trying to make sense of it.

..But you're upset, too.

"I told you everything!"

Every little shameful detail about how you've felt, and what you're thinking, and how he complicates it all. But somehow, even that's not enough. And.. it's your fault. You'd already warned him; You can't get it right.

"I just thought.. You already said all that stuff about me. I thought you- Wanted to know. I don't know. You asked!"

Asked, and got mad at the answer. But maybe that's your fault, too, trying to make a move you haven't practiced since you were whole. It was stupid to try. Stupid, and.. shitty. You're too much. It was too much, you fucking idiot!

You take a beat to calm down, breathing in. After the past few minutes struggling with it, some air is probably beneficial. And then, head bowed in awkward submission, you wring your hands together at the side, where one's still braced. He's your moirail, he even went so far as to remind you. Just because he acts up doesn't mean you should. You're lucky to have this much, and you fucking..

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. You're not.. I didn't mean to upset you for real."

Just as soon as it had appeared, your smile dies on your lips and withers away into anxiously gritted teeth. You didn’t know what to expect when you’d decided to try to further antagonize him, but it definitely wasn’t for him to stare at you like he didn’t even know you.

Then there’s the sound of something unseen chipping apart, and you can’t help but wonder if it was possible for your heart to have literally broken into pieces. After all, it seemed like the only explanation for that noise immediately after such a cold response.

Not caring if his hand follows the motion of your head or not, you lean back upright to erase the apparently offensive pose from his sight. It’s just in time for the rest of his tirade, which only further supports the fact that you seem to have once again fucked this up. It was too much to expect that he’d actually want to be happy with you, and now you’re the idiot paying the price for his delusions.

“Then tell me what actually matters! Because I’ve been listening, but I can’t get anything out of this when you won’t tell me anything!”

A heaving breath in, then out. You hadn’t meant to explode like that, but being yelled at again for trying to provoke him into giving you anything meaningful stung more than you’d like to admit. Then again, this all stung more than you’d like to admit. You’d told yourself you weren’t going to put yourself through the heartache of getting rejected over and over anymore, so why are you here again?

“…And you known damn well why I’m not letting you heal these wounds,” you add on petulantly.

[albinokittens300]

SO a though I've been thinking...I want to predict a few of the things with some of Nyra and Daemons kids touched on in this episode will come back, and bring about bonding with Daemon and Rhaenyra in the next few episodes? Allow me to explain.

I think Rhaena is the easier example. We explicitly see Rhaena feel inferior to her sister, in particular in her relationship with her father and even more so because she has yet to bond with a dragon. We also see Daemon interact super sweetly with Baela, doing what sounds like teaching her their language.

Now my read on this is pretty simple: Daemon doesn't really know how to comfort her about her lack of a dragon. And it is easier to bond with Baela, who has a dragon and presumably an interest in similar things. Eventually his lack of ability to relate to her on this one thing turned into her...growing up and him find he really struggles to speak much with her at all as she grows into her personality. Obviously this is, not great and kinda shitty of him, but until the time of Laena death she DID have her mother. Whom she doesn't have any more. That's what I personally think is the reason for this notable distance between them (can't think of any other explanation)

Would LOVE if in the next few episodes, as Rhaenyra and Daemon get reunited Rhaenyra gives him the stern tongue lashing he needs to get past whatever it is and step up for Rhaena. Bond with her, make any amends necessary. In the mean time, maybe she takes her under her wing, comforts her and gives her someone to come to while Daemon gets his act together when it comes to her. It's a pipe dream, but for a moment consider her giving Rhaena one of Syrax's eggs?

On the flip side, Jace!

His part is a little more, I guess subtle for lack of a better term. It seems he takes Rhaenyras response about Harwin for what it it is...but I think there is a reason he found it necessary to ask her about it plainly right as he was leaving at all. I wouldn't be shocked if maybe he is still bothered by her lack of direct answer about who his father is after this episode.

And Daemon I feel like would absolutely be the one to truly talk to him and make him understand what his mother means when told him 'you're a targaryan, that's all that matters.' Explain to him he is heir to something far bigger than just one person. Harwin may be his father and he loved him while he was still alive, it doesn't make him any less a dragon, or any less who he is.

At least, maybe? That one is again more out there than Rhaena having explicitly pointed out things needing fixing between her and Daemon but...I do what to see them bonding with one another's kids knowing they do become a close, loving family in the next few episodes. It doesn't seem crazy that these two kinda small things could lead to some of that?

And another point to this is we see either Baela or Rhaena in the teaser trailer, talking to Jace (it seems) about Vhagar. So, that would point to the boys and the twin girls get along even in the next episode!

[canonkiller]

If you don't mind me asking, what's up with your sight? (If you do mind me asking you can just ignore this)

I don't mind answering, don't worry! The TL:DR is nothing has really conclusively diagnosed me. Symptoms-wise, it's a fluctuating combination of double vision, physical pain, blurred vision, excessive watering, and a general Sunlight And Looking Above Eye Level Makes Them Stop Working, which as you can imagine has made my usual drawing accuracy and frequency a little difficult to reach.

Luckily, I've been able to work through it on the days that it's less severe (either phone fingerpainting, iPad drawing, or screen tablet drawing depending on the variances - have had a lot of help in getting that kind of accessibility!) but it's been in a real shitty streak for a while and there doesn't seem to be any real way to predict when it comes or goes.

If one of my furry friends guesses the diagnosis before a doctor gets it right, though, I'm gonna get a tattoo of a panel from that one tumblr post comic. You know the one. It'll be commemorative.

[wtftarot]

PAC Reading: The Hermit

Y’all it’s time for one of my favorite fucking cards in the major arcana The Hermit. The Hermit is all about looking inward, walking the road less traveled and searching for the truth. They talk about letting yourself be by yourself to find yourself and inner understanding.

As always this reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not a substituted or professional advice in any capacity. Use common sense and don’t be a dumbass.

Only two groups for this one, The Lantern, and The Walking Stick. So, pick one and head to your reading.

The Lantern

Tarot: three of cups, ten of swords rx, knight of cups, five of cups rx, page of wands rx, top and bottom of the deck: t: Nine of cups, b: nine of wands. Lenormand: Rider, Bouquet, Dog, Tree, and Lady.

I'm seeing that y'all have gone through a lot of growth internally recently and you know that there's still more to do but you're kinda looking forward to it or at least you feel ready for it. You may be kinda worn out and taking some extra time to rest is coming through to me but the main focus of this reading is that you've reached something of an impasse. You've come so far and first, let me say how fucking awesome that is. You're doing awesome, sweetheart. I'm hearing that you don't stop and appreciate how much you've accomplished, so we're going to do that real quick. Think of where you were, and how much you've fought to get here. You're fucking awesome, YOU DID THAT. LOOK AT YOU GO. IM FUCKING PROUD OF YOU, GUIDES ARE FUCKING PROUD OF YOU AND THAT'S TRUE WHETHER YOU AGREE OR NOT. ITS A FACT BABE. WE'RE ALL PROUD OF YOU. Now then, I'm going to call this the Not Really Impasse because the majority of y'all are going to keep going with this anyway but you know that moving forward means closing a door that will be locked behind you. I'm not trying to freak you out at all, there are lots of doors we wall through in life that we can't go back through. This feels like an impasse because you know you won't be able to go back, so you're kinda taking a breath and checking in with yourself. Making sure you're ready and that this is something that you want. I think the reason you may be here at the Not Really Impasse is this path you're on will mean leaving some things and people behind and you're not so much doubting, but taking the time to prepare for the goodbye. I'm kinda shocked at the lack of doubt that's coming through? Even if you feel unsure, the majority of you know that this is something you are going to do, it's just a matter of when. Foreplay/Long Time by Boston is playing on the radio. Yeah, there may be people or situations that try to pull you back into the past. This may be a change in worldviews that make you incompatible with people you know in the past or it could be as literal as moving locations. You know this path is what's best for you and it looks like it will happen quicker than you think it will. I think you know how the people around you will react and you have or are reaching a point where you're accepting that they'll disapprove and knowing that you'll be okay anyway. That doesn't mean it's not hard or won't hurt though. I think one thing you need to hear is that it's okay to care about people and still move on from them. It's okay to be sad that you're going even if it is what's best for you. It's okay to be torn. Knowing you'll miss them, or already missing them is not reason enough to stay in a place you've outgrown or need to move on from. If you go on this path you will miss the past a bit, unless it was like REALLY shitty in which case doubly proud of you. You deserve better. And actually, even if it was a super fucking shitty situation you may miss it sometimes, the human mind seeks familiarity always. Once you're used to something shitty, you may find it comforting. That doesn't mean it was a good situation, no, it was still shitty. But it's a shitty that you know, it's predictable and in the batshit place that is our minds predictable = safe, even when it's the opposite. Nostalgia is a dirty fuckin liar. Missing something doesn't even mean that you actually want it. With any change you make in your life, any at all, you will probably at some point miss the way things were before it, but that's okay. That doesn't mean it's okay to go back to it though. Take the time you need, but stay the course. You chose the lantern, you may not see how close you are to your goal but you can see what's in front of you and you know where you've been. Now is not the time to turn back. Sleep for the night if you have to, things will be clearer when morning comes. (dunno why I'm getting so much walking trail/ pathway imagery but whatever)

random ass vibes: take your meds, 999, purple, hiking, cross symbolism, boats, Aquarius, weasels? or ferrets? are they the same thing?? tv show- gravity falls, reality tv, pop/alt bands,

If this reading resonated and you would like to support my broke ass, feel free to tip me with the lil tip thingy at the bottom of this post.

The Walking Stick

Tarot: three of wands, four of cups, five of Pentacles rx, four of swords rx, and the emperor. Top/bottom of the deck: t nine of swords rx, b three of pentacles. Lenormand: Sun, Fox, Anchor, Bouquet, Bear, and Key.

Hello, my fuckers with imposter syndrome, and welcome to your reading. If y'all don't know what imposter syndrome is it's a term for when someone thinks they're not qualified or experienced enough to do something they're already awesome at. I'm getting several different things that this could be referring to, dealing with emotions, spiritual stuff, a creative pursuit, work, school, and children?? Some of y'all may have or are dealing with kids. Y'all seem to think you can't do jack shit, so you're overcompensating and trying to do everything under the sun. Burnout is coming through so fucking strong. I'm also seeing that you may not really know what you want out of life, so you're trying to keep up with what society says you should want. Y'all's message is simple and very fitting coming from the Hermit: It's time to take a break, not like a spa day, pampering break (you can absolutely do that if you want/need it, it's just not what this is talking right now.) This is a self-exploration break. Which is the whole ass point of the Hermit card. You're being asked to take some time to yourself to get to know yourself. You may be someone who has trouble sitting with yourself or doing things alone. (if you're someone who feels like you can't trust yourself to be alone because of what you might do, disregard this reading because this is mostly what it's about. Stay safe. You can come back when you feel safe enough with yourself to be alone) You may not even know what it means to sit with yourself. It can look like a lot of things, journaling and meditation are the common go-to's but it also can look like going to the movies alone. I just heard 'that's sad'. Ok, let me ask you something, have you ever wanted to go see a movie none of your friends wanted to see? Or maybe they were all busy and couldn't. So, you didn't go because you would've had to go by yourself? You ever had that experience? So, which is sadder? Doing things you enjoy even if no one will go with you? Or not going and being disappointed because you can't stand being alone? Learning to be alone is learning to do fun things and have fun alone. There's this view perpetuated in society that being alone is sad in general and I'm here to tell y'all that's total bullshit. Let me ask you another question, would you consider yourself very close to a friend that you're not comfortable being alone with? Probably not. So, if you're not comfortable being alone with yourself, are you really close to your internal world? Y'all are trying to use everything around you to distract yourself from yourself, don't freak out about it though. Everyone does this a bit, even if you don't have a darker internal world, you can be freaked by your own depths. Most people are. This break you're being asked to take is from other people and their expectations of you. Part of the reason you feel so insecure in your own abilities is that you're consistently looking at how other people view what you're doing instead of looking at it through your own view. You need to remember who you are outside of the people around you. This doesn't mean the people around you are bad or anything, just that you need to come back to yourself. Welcome yourself back with open arms. Sit and really listen to some music, find a chill bar and bring a book, find a class to take alone like pottery, or pole dancing, or boxing, or the guitar, painting, etc. Anything you've been wanting to do, but wouldn't because you would have to do it alone, do it. HAHAH ok, The Stroke by Billy Squier just started playing on the radio, so taking your pleasure into your own hands is being pushed here if that's something you're into.

random ass vibes: 444, tv show- supernatural, movie- silence of the lambs, yellow, tv show-dollface, tropical fish, movie- jaws, lot of tv/movies coming through. I have this vibe that if y'all move forward with learning to be alone after you make some progress with that, you'll want to come back to this and look at the other groups reading.

If this reading resonated and you would like to support my broke ass, feel free to tip me with the lil tip thingy at the bottom of this post.

[grison-in-space]

Have these people ever actually seen a Dachshund dig? Because this is a viable strategy for a digging-oriented animal--it's what moles use--but critically it only works if the shoulders can rotate outwards to shove dirt out of the way while the chest rests on the ground. Which is why mole hands and shoulders are built like that, and also why moles are infamously kind of shitty at moving on land. I suppose a Lundehund might have shoulders hyperflexible enough to be developed into a mole-dog digger, but that would almost certainly bring other consequences on a hunting dog that has to tangle with underground animals on a regular basis.

Anyway, looking at actual digging Dachshunds closely reveals that the shorter legs are primarily useful for allowing the dog to move easily through tunnels without having to excavate enough dirt to fit longer legs all the way in. The dogs don't rest on their chests and mimic moles to get underground; they stand like any other damn dog braced on the hind legs while using the forelegs under the damn chest to shovel dirt. (As you know full well, obviously, I'm just yelling.)

Y'all, shit like this is why I'm always deeply skeptical of so-called "functional" innovations in dog conformation. It's not that different tasks don't reward different types of bodies, but human observers tend to be bad at predicting what kinds of things are actually functional and what things are there more or less because humans like them.

(And yes, I am skeptical of this in working-bred dogs as well as in conformation-oriented dogs: I've heard similarly obvious lines of bullshit coming out of working-oriented breeding communities, too. The fact that someone is focused on a particular function doesn't necessarily mean they're good at assessing and selecting how a dog performs it--just look at all the paintings that nineteenth century racehorse breeders used to commission that assumed that at some point in a horse gallop the horse adopts a pose more in keeping with Superman.)

When we talk about preserving existing working strains of dogs, or preserving breeds based on their theoretical connection to some long-gone strain of functional dogs, we have to understand that animal people talk a lot of bullshit without testing their assumptions. Whatever your favorite dog breed is, I promise you there are people out there talking bullshit nonsense about what trait is absolutely essential for a working task, and if I have access to enough English-speaking material in that community, I can find it.

Especially people who are invested in sport. Sport isn't work, and almost by definition sport invites humans to develop tasks to extremes, exaggerating some functions and abandoning others from the original task. More to the point, both sport and preferences with nothing to do with task performance have been major drivers of dog development, as with the development of plenty of other domestic species, over the past several centuries. Our modern giant draft horses, for example, are not the remnant relics of giant destriers ridden by knights, they are also not necessarily practical animals designed to haul heavy loads as efficiently as possible. In fact, the increase in size of draft horse breeds has much more to do with nineteenth century advertising trends, especially for breweries: how better to promote your beer's nourishing strength than to hire a jolly, fat, red-faced man to drive an enormous horse (fed, of course, on the spent grain) with a heavy cart to make deliveries? This practice is described in contemporary accounts as far back as the 1830s. Indisputably the horses are true working animals, but their selection is driven by more than simply practical constraints--which is the case for many human endeavors with animal breeding! Humans never have just one purpose for anything we do, after all; we're too damn social for that, and there are so many helpful little places to find things that work in unexpected ways.

It's important to view claims about working function, then, with a jaundiced eye and an experimental bent. It's all too easy to "preserve" a lot of dubious material or the batshit musings of whoever cared enough to write his theorizing down. Anyone who wants to market themselves and their dogs as particularly effective for any given purpose had better prove it, and if the purpose is now largely historical, breed historians are always urgently needed to disentangle the calcified marketing taglines from actual functional innovations in animal breeding and task performance. Experimental verification, my friends!

I'm sorry, what.

[thedreadvampy]

I am sometimes. overcome by rage for no reason and like I don't even FEEL angry but I just Cannot Cope with people existing around me. making noise. moving. attempting to speak to me. I snarl and get really shitty and I'm not angry about anything, nobody's doing anything wrong, but it's an intensity of FUCK OFF that like. the BEST I can do is snarl something and stalk out to where people Aren't.

and I tell people to bear in mind it's not personal but I know very well that it feels personal. and I don't have the self-control in the moment to say that it's not their fault in a way that feels believable.

and there really isn't any excuse like. I don't know how to control it but that doesn't mean it's our of my control actually or that people aren't allowed to be upset by it.

but I really want to get it under control. because it's scary and upsetting for people around me. because I am angry at them even though I know full well it's not anything they're doing or could change and it's not even about them.

I don't even in the moment feel justified in my anger. It's like something else has pumped rage into me while I myself as a person am sitting in my head going hey. hey stop that. what are you even mad about. stop being a dick.

but I have not yet managed to stop myself being a dick. the best I can do is to leave. but I leave in such an aura of fury that that's not really much less upsetting than if I blew up. I can't. predict it either. like it will come upon me with absolutely no warning. so I can't be like 'do not spend time with me today' I will be sitting perfectly happy having a conversation with someone and then one more person enters or something makes a noise and I'm abruptly HOW DARE ANY OF YOU EXIST NEAR ME

p sure it's an Autism Overload Thing but that's not the important bit. the important bit is how do I minimise harm from it bc it truly does ruin people around me's day.

do you get this? any ideas?