#i know it sounds kind of parasocial but it just hurts so much

[burnt-pizza-lolz]

Hi so im having a rlly bad day

The analog horror creator Vintage 8 might be antisemetic. Thats fun/sar

i didnt think about this when i first watched their series, but thanks to what others pointed out i now understand the harmful undertones.

In one of their analog horror series they talked about “reptilian aliens pretending to be people and invading the government” or something along those lines which is a heavily antisemetic statement, even if they didnt mean it that way. Also they apparently showed footage from world war 2 and hitler for shock value, which is also really fucked up and insensitive. I hate this so much because i got really attached to their series “the oracle project”, it was one of the best portrayals of the “sentient ai takes over the world” troupe ive ever seen, and i was hyperfixated on it for a while.

[purple-plum-petals]

Hi! Is it okay if I ask for another homicipher fic? I just got all the endings, and I'm obsessed. What about Scarletta trying to be physically affectionate with MC after seeing how protective Mr. Crawling is with them (perhaps even secretly peeking/knowing how often the crawling man hugged you, you two petting or shaking each other's heads, and using the word "cute" on each other.) I need Scarletta jealous 🫣

⊱ Blood-stained Lips ⊰ || Mr. Scarletella X Reader

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Character(s): Mr. Scarletella (Homicipher/文字化化) Reader Type: Human (Gender-Neutral Pronouns) Warning(s): Spoilers for Homicipher (MC’s Lore and Specifically Scarletella Rain Ending), Canon-typical Mentions of Violence (and Horror Elements), Mild Jealousy, Slightly Suggestive. Anything spoken in the other world’s language will be bolded. Genre: Drabble, Light Angst (Hurt/Comfort), Pre-established Romantic Relationship (It’s Complicated, honestly). Word Count: ~2,140 words Request: “Hi! Is it okay if I ask for another homicipher fic? I just got all the endings, and I'm obsessed. What about Scarletta trying to be physically affectionate with MC after seeing how protective Mr. Crawling is with them (perhaps even secretly peeking/knowing how often the crawling man hugged you, you two petting or shaking each other's heads, and using the word "cute" on each other.) I need Scarletta jealous 🫣” Author’s Note: Okay so, like… Mr. Scarletella is probably one of the more nerve-wracking characters for me to write for, but I absolutely adored this ask, so I gave writing him in drabble format a shot! (It’s also pretty funny how the fandom has unanimously agreed that Mr. Crawling and Mr. Scarletella would not get along and would be actively antagonistic toward each other lmao). I think his dynamic with the MC is fascinating… the whole parasocial relationship the two of them have going on throughout the game is such a unique choice (love the simp energy he gives off, too, since I wasn’t expecting that from his character haha). This ended up being kind of suggestive at the end?? Nothing too crazy or anything, just him being very happy about being able to touch you. Anyway, I hope this isn’t too OOC – enjoy! 

→ If you enjoyed my work, please reblog it if you can! Exposure on Tumblr is based on reblogging content rather than liking it, so your support would be much appreciated!  ♡

╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

Even though his memories had been forgotten, parts of himself and his identity erased after you successfully defeated him, Mr. Scarletella occasionally found himself thinking of moments he couldn’t even recall witnessing. 

In his mind, he sees you with another resident of the realm, their long black hair cascading down their form while their laugh echoes through an empty corridor. He sees their fingers threading through your hair, moving their hands up and down along your scalp, and tousling your locks… 

Mr. Scarletella hears your laughter fill the space, too. The sound is light and airy, and he finds his chest tightening at the hazy memory. It’s an uncomfortable feeling and certainly was not one he enjoyed experiencing. It almost felt like knives being shoved repeatedly into his torso, a stinging and aching sensation that spread throughout his entire body from a singular point.

Almost absentmindedly, his hand comes to rest on the left side of his chest, the side where a heart would be located if he possessed one like you did. Mr. Scarletella hears a gentle murmur interrupt his thoughts, a noise that cuts through the fog in his mind like a saw slicing through flesh and sinew. 

“You okay?” Your voice echoes, and his pitch-black eyes dart down to meet with yours. You’re holding a red umbrella – his very heart and soul – in your hands. Your hold isn’t painful, nor is it gentle. It was perfect, just like you, he thought to himself. 

Rain drips down the water-resistant material of the umbrella that was permanently stained a bright, bloody red, and it falls onto the clear rubber of your raincoat before sliding down your form. Both the umbrella and your coat effectively keep your body dry from the elements. Mr. Scarletella, on the other hand, was completely soaked, having no issue walking beside you while the rain clung to his clothing and chilled his skin.  

If he concentrated hard enough, he could feel the heat of your body spreading throughout his chest and warming his form from the inside out. Oh, how happy he would be if the small flame within him sparked into something more, forming a fiery inferno inside his body. Even if you were to burn him, set an uncontrollable blaze within him that only left an empty husk behind, he would be content.  

Your brows are furrowed while you crane your neck back to look at him, the sound of rain around the two of you, effectively breaking up the long stretch of silence. He was acting a bit strange today, you thought to yourself. While the man dressed in red was never really normal in the conventional sense, he was much more quiet today than usual. 

Mr. Scarletella’s gaze used to be immensely nervewracking, his hollow stare once being able to cause the hair on the back of your neck to stand on edge, but you had grown used to it after spending so much time together. The two of you were in your old realm, the one you left behind to stay in the other world. You were fairly close to the haunted apartments he used to call his home and the site where you would dump the bodies of anyone unfortunate to cross your path… The start of everything that led you to where you are now. 

“You quiet… What you thinking about?” You ask him, shifting the hold of the umbrella in your hand to the other. You hadn’t brought your weapon today, wanting to give Mr. Scarletella a chance to experience a “typical” date, one that didn’t consist of violence and murder for a change. However, he had been in a daze since the two of you arrived, and that was somewhat out of character for him. 

Shifting your stance to better face him, your feet sink slightly into the mud beneath you. You look down at your boot-clad feet and frown. While you had grown used to being in a constant state of uncleanliness since the other world didn’t have showers readily or easily available, it was still quite annoying to clean mud from the soles of your shoes. This was the type of mud that threatened to pull your shoe from your foot if you were to try tugging on it, but you pushed your frustration to the side to focus on the man in front of you. 

Mr. Scarletella hums and reaches his hand out to your head, placing his palm against your hair, and you freeze. Your hair sticks to his deathly cold hand, almost as if static electricity was coursing through his fingers. 

It was soft under his skin, your hair, yet he could feel that some knots had begun to form near the base of the strands. Then, he begins to rub his hand back and forth, effectively messing your hair up even more. Your mind blanks at his sudden movement, the action reminding you of Mr. Crawling.

“Why… you touch me?” You ask, staring up at him as the rain begins to fall even harder, your grip on the umbrella in your hand tightening around the handle. The rain was so heavy that you could barely see into the distance, the horizon completely covered in a thick, gray mist. A sudden gust of wind blew Mr. Scarletella’s red hair, and within his usually hollow eyes swirled something you had never seen within them before. 

It reminded you of a storm rolling in across the ocean waves, a variety of emotions spiraling within his ashen irises. His hand never once leaves your body, instead sliding down the side of your head to cup your cheek in his palm. Whenever he touched you, it felt like TV static against your flesh, and you could see white-and-black dots begin to dance across your vision as a light hum filled your ears. 

Mr. Scarletella’s flesh is cold, and it reminds you of a corpse the chill his touch leaves in its wake. His head tilts to one side and he whispers to you, his voice barely audible above the rain crashing around you, “I want you – want to touch you.” 

Before you can even speak or formulate a response to his words, he quickly pulls his hand away from your skin. It felt like you had burnt him, yet he found himself not minding the stinging sensation that danced across his flesh. His hand dropped lifelessly to his side before he muttered an apologetic, “Sorry. Shouldn’t have touched you.”

After taking a moment to gather your thoughts, you shake your head and tell him, “...You okay,” before turning on your heel to walk away. You glance at him over your shoulder, his form becoming further soaked from the storm. It was kind of amusing, you thought, seeing such a previously powerful entity look like a stray, sopping-wet cat. 

Eventually, you gesture for him to come with one hand, the order of, “Follow me.” coming out of your lips, loud enough for him to hear.

He teleports to you before you can even finish your sentence, staring down at you with those unnerving eyes of his as he waits to see where you want to go. A huff of air forces its way out of your nose, chuckling at his obedience before you lightly graze his hand with your nails. It’s strange touching him, his form more like an illusion than a body made of flesh and blood. 

The two of you make your way across the waterlogged fields and flooded, muddy roads. Your footsteps splash in the puddles beneath you as you walk while Mr. Scarletella moves without making a single noise, merely a ghost in this world. Soon, however, the abandoned apartments come into view, and you lead him inside the old concrete structure. 

You pause as soon as your feet make contact with the cracked floor of the building, making sure that you can’t hear the sound of another living being within the hollow corridors. You close the umbrella when nothing catches your attention, making sure to shake it a few times to try and remove the raindrops that have accumulated on its surface. You watch as the water falls to the ground, making small, dark grey circles on the concrete. 

Looking over your shoulder, you watch as Mr. Scarletella watches you in return while holding the umbrella, waiting patiently for you to say something as a shiver runs down his spine. His hands that were hanging at his sides were closed, and he was clenching and unclenching his fingers almost like he was fighting the urge to place his palms against your skin once more.  

You can’t help but chuckle at his demeanor, placing the now-closed umbrella down so it was leaning against the wall. You do the same, leaning back on the wall before you hold your arms out to him, saying with a small smirk, “You can touch me.”

You jumped slightly at the speed at which he appeared in front of you. His body hunched over yours while he watched your expression intently, his black eyes partially hidden behind the thick curtain of red hair that cast shadows across his sickly complexion. Mr. Scarletella places his palm on your head, telling you smoothly, “Thank you.”

One of his hands begins to tentatively pat your skull while he enjoys the feeling of your hair against his palm. Then, his other hand soon joins, and you close your eyes while you allow him to pat you like a dog. It felt a bit demeaning in a way, but also strangely comforting, and it reminded you of one of the friendliest residents of the other world you had met. 

Your eyes flutter shut almost out of habit, allowing the man in front of you to enjoy the rare moment with you. His hands started out resting against the top and sides of your head, the movement of palms against your hair causing it to become messy and sticking up because of the static he created. 

Then, they tentatively travel to your face, cupping your cheeks before he brushes his thumbs underneath your eyes. You jolt a bit when his cold hand brushes against your neck, swallowing harshly when you feel him trace a finger down your SCM. Your breathing hitches while he explores your skin, and your teeth dig harshly into your bottom lip in response. 

Then, you feel his touch pause, and Mr. Scarletella whispers against your neck, the pad of his thumb swiping against your lips, “...blood.” 

“Oh, uh…” You open your eyes and look at him, seeing the way he’s staring up at you while his face remains close to your jugular. Your hand goes up to your lips, and you wince when you feel the soreness. When you pull your fingers away from your mouth, you see the blood that clings to them. Geez, you didn’t think you had bit your lip that hard. 

You tell Mr. Scarletella, patting his head much like how he had been doing with you, “I’m okay. Don’t stop.”

He smiles widely and lights up at your words. Suddenly, he grabs your face and hastily presses his lips to yours. Your eyes grow at the sudden act, and a strangled noise leaves your throat. It wasn’t a bad noise, per se, you just hadn’t been expecting that from him. Typically, he waited until you permitted him to do that... He must have been too excited to hold back this time around.

You were speechless when he pulled away from you, noticing your blood that was now smeared across his lips. He licks it away, his tongue peeking out from behind his lips before he asks you, “...You happy?”

You can’t help but laugh at his question, reaching up to place your hand on his head while your giggles echo throughout the empty hallways, patting him softly. Mr. Scarletella’s smile falters while he focuses on the feeling of your touch, on burning the memory of your expression and the sweet sound of your laughter into his mind. It made him feel strange knowing he was the one making you react in such a way, but it was good.

He wanted to do it more. 

“Yes, I happy. You cute.” You reply, smiling warmly at him while he stares at you like you’re the most beautiful thing in the world. 

“I like you.” He says, sounding almost breathless as his body hunches over more, his face nuzzling into the crook of your neck while his hands explore the rest of your body, stroking and touching and petting you. Mr. Scarletella didn’t want this moment to end. 

You chuckle as his breath fans against your skin, telling him gently as you feel his fingers work out any knots in your hair, “I know.” 

“I like you, I like you, I like you…” He murmurs against your flesh, “I love you.”

[fear-is-truth]

YOU COULD BE MINE — patrick bateman

synopsis: a brief overview of how it’s like to be in love with “the boy next door” patrick bateman // warnings: mentions to sex & drugs. mdni !

a/n: for my parasocial anonymously mysterious gf

PATRICK BATEMAN was always a cold heartbreaker, fit to burn, and he knows it. but the worst part? so do you.

the two of you meet halfway—your innocence for his corruption, your softness for his sharp edges, your willingness to forgive for his inability to change.

dating him is stepping into a world of perpetual luxury. he spoils you rotten with reservations at dorsia, presents wrapped in tiffany blue, uncut cocaine. the kind of materialistic attention that made you feel like you were the centre of his perfect but bleak universe. you’re his trophy, the physically flawless partner who makes him look enviable. everything patrick does is a flex, a way of saying, look at me. look at us.

but there’s another side to patrick bateman, the one he conceals behind “the boy next door”. he’s awkward, painfully so—pathetic in the way he overcompensates, always trying too hard to be the man he thinks you want him to be. he tells you “i love you” often enough to sound convincing, but the words always feel oddly rehearsed, like lines from a script he doesn’t quite understand but knows he has to deliver. it’s the same way he taps his american express card on the counter, eager to buy anything that might fill the empty spaces between you—but unable to offer anything of real substance.

you’ve been together for years now—long enough for him to know your habits, your tells, the way your lips tremble before you bite down on them, or the way your hands fidget with your necklace—a nervous tick he’s cataloged along with every other detail about you. he notices everything. “why must you find another reason to cry?” he asks. it’s not really a question. it’s an accusation, laced with an irritation that cuts deeper than he probably intends. patrick doesn’t mean to hurt you, not exactly. but he doesn’t know how not to, either.

sex is the only thing he doesn’t hold over your head, the one currency in your relationship that flows freely. it’s not something you have to beg for or negotiate. in fact, it’s almost like an unspoken truce, a way for patrick to smooth over his shortcomings and remind you why you stay. he knows what you like, knows how to make you feel wanted even when his words fail him. and he uses it, of course he does. for patrick, fucking isn’t just about pleasure—it’s control, reassurance that you’re his, that no matter how much you fight, you’ll still end up tangled in his sheets by the end of the night.

but it’s the aftermath that stings the most. you see it in the way he leaves you in your bed, cologne and sex lingering in the air as the door clicks shut behind him. in the way he doesn’t answer your questions, just shrugs and says, “i need to return some videotapes.” he comes home late smelling of bourbon and sin, brushing off your concerns with a kiss and a designer bag to smooth things over.

eventually, you stopped asking where he’d been. you learned not to question him, to count your stars that he even came home. because that’s how patrick operates—on his terms, in his world.

it wasn’t new to you. you’d seen this movie before, the kind where the man you love doesn’t love you back—not the way you need, anyway.

and yet, you don’t leave. cannot leave.

sometimes he shares his favourite music with you, insisting you listen to a specific album from his beloved artists like whitney houston or huey lewis & the news. he talks about them in a way that’s almost obsessive, like he’s desperate for you to see something in them, some part of him he can’t articulate. and, somehow, you do. you listen, not because you love the music, but because you’ve learned to understand the way he talks about it, the way he tries so damn hard to make you get him.

and then there’s the patty winters show—he’ll insist, more often than not, that you watch it with him, even though it’s something he already watches religiously. it’s never really about the show itself—not about nazis juggling grapefruits or the absurdity of it all. it’s about you being there, sitting next to him on the couch, as he soaks in every detail. patrick wants you to be involved in his world, however messed up that might be. he doesn’t always know how to express his thoughts or feelings, but in his own way, it’s his clumsy attempt at connecting with you.

it’s pathetic, really, how much you’ve come to rely on him. and how much he needs you, even if he doesn’t know how to show it. you stay—not because it’s the easy choice, not because you’re a materialistic, shallow bitch who can’t say no to designer handbags and reservations at dorsia—but because somewhere deep down, you’ve convinced yourself that you can make this work. that despite everything, maybe you deserve this mess—this flawed love. a love that isn’t perfect, but it’s there. and that’s something.

because, despite everything, he’s still there. and that’s the part that fucks with your head. patrick bateman might not be the man you imagined, and he may never love you the way you thought he would, but in this mess, he’s still yours.

[takami-takami]

Hey, this is the nonnie who sent the question about Hawks having a small crush on Endeavor

Thanks a lot for the response! I was kind of nervous sending in that ask especially because I haven't really seen anybody who hates Endeavor/EndHawks but has that headcanon, so I thought I might sound delulu. But I'm really glad you thought it was interesting.

I mainly came up with it because he just looks so soft in the scene where he catches Endeavor after the nomu fight and when he visits him in the hospital. Which had me like "aww, you're so cute but also pls get away from him bby".

I would just love to see how much he would react in a situation where he's getting scolded by Endeavor and thinks he deserves it only for someone else to step in and start popping off on his behalf. The struggle of whose side he should take. The confusion of why someone would defend him so passionately when he doesn't even think he deserves it. His poor little bird brain would blue screen.

YES Hawks has so much guilt and affection for Endeavor. You can genuinely see his heart crack when he sees him hurt.

Part of it is because of his parasocial attachment, born of a child's inability to conceptualize being truly alone to the degree that he was. Part of it really is psychological displacement. When Endeavor was hurt in the scene you described, Hawks not only felt the same painful empathy he usually feels when Endeavor is low, but also a chattering guilt. Guilt that it was his fault, that he is misleading him. If I remember correctly, his internal monologue when looking at him was an apology?

Anyways, Hawks feels the burden for others getting hurt lies entirely on him. He has felt this way ever since he was a child.

Hawks tends to project his feelings about his own family onto the Todoroki family. Like he projects so hard it's embarassing.

Also. As an aside. Hawks is extremely expressive with his eyes. There are multiple places in the story where Hawks' eyes are shown in direct literary parallel to the children in UA. Namely, Deku during the Lady Nagant scene (both are shown side by side with a spark in their eye) and the Ochaco scene where she gives a speech and Hawks thinks of people's hearts being connected.

This part is just my opinion, but I find this parallel to highlight part of Hawks as being distinctly childlike. Hawks has an inner child. Endeavor can bring out that inner child. I don't think we see such clear, trauma-based developmental ties in the other adult heroes in MHA save for Lady Nagant. We do see this literary parallel clearly for Dabi, though.

Hawks is intelligent and his support of Endeavor lies mostly in his values and assessment. That is where all of Hawks' decisions come from (except for hesitation).

Now here's the fun part:

Hawks interpreting those feelings as romantic. I find your theory fascinating because Hawks genuinely has little baseline for how to interpret normal attachments. We have not seen any evidence of Hawks forming a secure, healthy attachment until Tokoyami. A child— further evidencing the inner child healing portion of Hawks' character arc. Which is a choice for a reason, in my opinion, but I digress and got distracted.

Anyways, Hawks interpreting those feelings as romantic. Does he even know what romance is besides that thing that the fans around him keep telling him he's supposed to be a symbol of? Clearly he plays into it. He knows what is going on, socially speaking. But is it anything but shallow? His parents never loved each other. They didn't even love him.

So what the hell is this affection he's feeling? Why does his heart hurt when he sees Endeavor in pain, more than other people? Honestly, it's not that difficult to imagine Hawks misinterpreting his feelings for the.... Who-knows-how-many-th time.

I doubt he would give it much attention other than lightly indulging in the psychodynamic transference that swells in his chest. Vehemently deny it, even. A label for it is nowhere near the front of his mind, so he'd cock his head confused should you ask him about it.

Somebody help this boy. Somebody kiss the back of his hand and show him love is reciprocal. Someone tell him human connections can be more than a windowpane for people like him— someone scare the everliving fuck out of him and give him the best, bubbliest crisis. Someone make him bang his head against the wall and have him drown while doing it. Someone hold him to your chest and let him snot cry, someone blubber soothing things until he falls asleep, someone show him you're more than a father figure to him. Show him that the parentification was wrong for a little boy to endure. Show him he is loved for his heart and not his head or his body. Someone kiss him sweetly and spoon him to sleep with him against the wall and your back facing the door.

[itsnotablogsblog]

THE DISCORD DUMP GONE WRONG -the Noah Dick Riders -

Anti-omens fans caught hating on poppy and Noah

this is going to be a long rant.

Well ladies of all ages. Let’s be real.

This is actually embarrassing

Sounds like the anons are getting bashed for being a bit childish.

Good morning everyone get your tea ready and your snacks, this is a continuation of fans exposing anons on twitter for their actions and comments and might I do say it’s quite embarrassing to even see

Listen I’m not friends with any of these people, but I’ve seen how much they have been going around Twitter causing the dumbest drama dump for not liking poppy.

Let’s get started

THE DRAMA DUMP

Now these people have discord.

But referring to the screenshot above I think they quite clearly have discussions about Poppy and Noah.

It’s quite weird that they have these discussions. To other people saying that it’s embarrassing

This discord is definitely kind of anti-fan thing where they tell others to not like something.

More to where they are getting hated on and humiliated by these other people who are making fun of their behavior outside of Twitter.

The drama dump in my opinion is pretty dumb considering that this has been going on inside the bad omens fanbase.

For who knows how long. Things are getting worse and worse.

To me this is pretty wild. I have never seen any of this throughout a music fanbase before. It seems like it only happens with Bad Omens.

Considering these are probably grown adults not having anything to do with their lives, they keep a discord to talk about anything.

Wow grown adults acting like children at a tea party. That’s childish.

Isn’t it embarrassing for you all to have these people call you out?

To even having to treat someone in your discord with hate?

Terrible. Absolutely terrible.

THE INSANE FANBASE

These anons are quite literally a bit uh…well you know.

Actually this person did bring a good point to it.

What’s the appeal of Noah Sebastian, for you guys to act this way and not getting what you want?

Are we all acting childish now? To the point where you guys are basically saying that you like a certain person, but then force others to say that they dislike them?

I mean if you guys are actually being “psychotic” I think you guys are going way too far for this.

So who are your real friends inside this online community?

Are there any real friends?

Listen if a real friend would go and make this happen and call you out for being rude to one of your friends on discord, I don’t think that is what a real friend does.

But considering their honesty and how much they see you conversating into this discord, they have a valid reason to expose you.

HUMILATED? I CALL THAT KARMA

I feel these anons are not quite done with this drama dump on social media.

It seems like the party is just getting started.

Let’s be real for a second, would anyone do this?

From what people have been saying and quoting it’s actually pretty clear that this particular group of people have some kind of problem.

Mental illness?

I mean if you put mental illness into the picture and the screenshots I think they’re just acting like children. Yet, they’re grown adults.

My brain even hurts that this just revolves around parasocial relationships.

I’m actually sick of talking about the parasocial aspect.

Even though this discord is the talk for this week, I think these anons had it coming.

The drama dump is so childish.

NOAH DICK RIDERS

Well that’s a good title don’t you think?

Not to mention they are being called Noah Dick Riders.

I think it fits quite nicely.

In all terms and conditions, I think you guys really need serious help. It’s actually quite concerning on how you all are acting.

People are laughing at you, but not with you. Even the poppy fanbase has been laughing at this joke for several months.

You guys are just making things worse.

Like I stated in my previous few blogs, the issue is not with the band. The issue is in front of our faces that people decide to act like a child, act like it’s their own thing and their own way of saying “HEY NOAH IS OURS.”

Noah isn’t yours. He’s not your puppet or cuddly little bear to hold around.

He’s a person. a LITERAL person.

Are you guys okay?

I honestly think you aren’t okay. This type of behavior is sort of weird.

Rather than talking about enjoying the band you love and support, you guys start drama in the most embarrassing way possible. Like are you guys really fans? Or are you faking it?

POPPYS FANBASE AGAINST NOAH DICK RIDERS

Poppy’s fanbase is built differently. If you say something mean about poppy they will come out for you and will not leave you alone. They are the hardcore fans that will go to great lengths and tell you the worst things possible.

To where you will get blocked. To even humiliating a bad omens fan.

I think it’s quite entertaining to watch. There’s drama here and there.

Also, I will not defend Poppy. I really dislike her, for several reasons.

I think the actual band is actually more embarrassed for you guys than anything else. A lot more where they see you as children.

You guys don’t act mature, you complain about every little detail.

It’s actually quite funny.

Noah is a mature man. I’m not going to defend him because of this drama dump. We all know he’s a grown adult.

I think I have an idea on why this beef between Poppy and Noah is going.

Aside from other fanbases this one is pretty much brought out since Bad Omens started out.

But I’ll tell you a secret though.

My friend the one where I mentioned in the first blog.

Every artist is aware of your parasocial aspect when it comes to Noah Sebastian. And anywhere in the bad omens fandom.

EVERYONE is aware.

Including Sumerian Records.

Now that’s tea.

Tumblr is quite nicer than Twitter.

But anyways.

I think this isn’t just about Poppy and Noah.

They rant about Sumerian Records, the band members themselves, and even to where they have beef with Ronnie Radke.

See these people aren’t your friends. They aren’t even fans.

Shit talking about something you dislike, yet still support on twitter is different.

They are different things.

WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?

Aside from these anons, there seems to be the good side of it and the bad side of it.

The good side, supports bad omens and makes the community what it is.

The bad side, well, that’s more to where they shit talk about a person or a group. More likely shit talk about fans that they encounter and start bullying them.

THE CONS OF ANTI-OMENS

There’s a lot of cons to this.

They are dick riders. They have these “rules” you need to follow.

You need to ask permission to upload a photo of the band and Noah.

Okay but why rules?

Aren’t you all grown adults?

This discord you have and been exposed, you still continue to bash people who you “THINK” are not fans.

Is that what social media is to you?

A SOCIAL MEDIA CIRCUS

It really is a social media circus. You guys have a problem with Noah. It quite literally shows. You’re making a fool of yourselves.

It’s obviously not that serious. You guys do need help.

I think the band themselves make fun of you for not having fun. You guys always look for the bad things.

You do know that if you’re causing this much drama and trouble, the band will know what you’re doing.

It comes in waves.

You guys are being called clowns. In the literal sense of what Poppy fans are saying.

It’s like no one is enjoying what the band does anymore and just hyper-fixate on the drama because a specific group of people are doing.

It’s honestly the weirdest thing I have come across and I haven’t been here for very long.

This social frenzy you guys have, has an issue in the Bad Omens community.

IF POPPY WAS A MAN WOULD YOU DO THE SAME?

So this question stuck out to me on Twitter. It was more of a statement than an actual question.

See if Poppy was a man, I think Poppy wouldn’t like it.

I think this question only applies to those who have a Stan with Poppy and her music. With me not so much.

I respect both aspects and sides between Noah having a life and Poppy having a life.

It doesn’t matter to me in the least. We all have lives to live.

But in this case, these anons are not good people. They will dictate everything. They will talk behind your back, they will say they’re your friends, when they’re really not.

I’m not sure what they have against other fans.

Is it because you’re jealous of seeing Noah with someone?

IT ALL REVOLVES ON JEALOUSY

Jealously is a sin. It affects everyone negatively. So why be jealous of Noah Sebastian having this luxurious life he put out on his own? No one did it but himself. He wanted the life he deserved.

Why are you all jealous of him having a future relationship?

Is it because he’s young? That makes everyone cry out and talk about their ovaries exploding when they see him on stage? To where fans daydream about fucking the guy?

Listen if you are a groupie, then that’s on you okay? But I don’t think that’s safe either. It ends up in a situation.

Do you imagine the many relationships if a person does this? Aren’t they worried for STDS?

Listen as much I like Noah Sebastian, I don’t think I can be able to handle how many times he has had a relationship with people.

That’s on him but I’m definitely not risking it.

Also how old are you guys anyways? Why are you acting so immature and dumb that these other fans are basically humiliating you in front of the whole world?

It sounds quite embarrassing huh? Just like you did with that lady.

Anyways I’m not going to bring her up, because I don’t know her.

DO YOU REALIZE HOW PROBLEMATIC YOU ARE??

This Discord you guys have, is it really worth it for you guys to rant about specific people in the industry? Do you know how problematic it is?

Specially when it comes to Poppy and Noah? Do you really actually believe those rumors are true?

RUSSIAN ANON LADY

I’m just going to call her that, considering she started up these rumors on Noah and Poppy dating.

Listen.

If she’s anywhere near this tumblr, I heard she sneaks around and tells people it is legit. Like what happened to her? Where is she now?

She went on Twitter to expose this.

I think she’s crazy.

She doesn’t know what she’s even talking about. But she does have a tea blog hating on other people. She’s the one who spread these rumors in the first place.

Stating that she’s “Noah’s Ex-Girlfriend”

Like is she actually nuts?? She’s not even Noah’s ex-girlfriend for god sakes.

I feel like she’s a con artist. Trying to manipulate her own way into saying these crazy things.

Trying to convince everyone that Poppy has a thing with Noah.

It’s ridiculous.

If she pops up again, then lady I’m laughing at you for causing these problems.

You don’t even know what you’re talking about or doing. I’m also keeping tabs on you because the stuff you bring online is quite literally dumb.

SO WHATS THE DEAL WITH THESE ANONS?

I honestly don’t know.

There could be many different reasons to why they have gossip blogs and a discord to where they have set rules.

It screams teenage high school clique.

These are grown adults causing an issue.

I think there’s more to this than just gossip blogs about a certain individual, and how Noah is seen as the most popular person in Los Angeles right now.

The stuff I read about it, it just screams that these people not only have an obsession with Noah Sebastian, but my fear is that they’re going to make certain people upset by the rumors they say when it comes down to Bad Omens.

Do you actually want Noah to have a downfall in his career because of this problem?

He can sue you guys, if he wanted to for millions and millions of dollars the normal person doesn’t have.

I don’t think you actually want that do you?

[f0point5]

I think the whole issue with people hating/not liking the wags or anyone involved with the drivers is just a product of the way society brings young women to perceive love and relationships. It's not that deep as it sounds, but I think girls are more prone to develop parasocial relationships with the one they want to be with (usually celebrities or in this case the drivers). So they develop fantasies about them falling in love and constantly thinking about it or use tumblr to read fanfics and their brain is convinced they're the "one" for them.

Then they hate that their crushes are going out with models or other celebrities, but the reality is that, of course, they're gonna be with people with the same level od fame/status/money bc that's their circle and that's where they meet people.

Also you can fantasize all you want but you don't know that driver/celebrity that you like so much. You don't know what they're like, who they are, you don't know anything at all really let alone if you'll truly like them if you'd knew them irl (which is most likely never)

Sorry for the rant, low key it's kinda sad they think they can hate other girls that they have a chance with their celebrity crush. Also that girl you're hating is a human being and what about the drivers, as you say, they are grown men who know what they're doing so why not blame them for only choosing models if you think they're going after models only for their looks...

That is high key the reason 99% of the time. And it’s kind of obvious because you see this same behaviour from women in real life, when a guy they might like starts dating someone. It’s always “omg she’s not even pretty” or “look how she grabs him all the time omg so insecure”…exactly the same rhetoric.

The parasocial relationships are actually insane. People have this idea of who they would like these men to be based on their appearance in TikToks, after they’ve literally been advised how to behave and how not to offend people, in nearly in every situation. People will be like “oh he’s soooo sweet” like girl do you think this man does not have the urge to scream at everyone who comes up to him and asks him to sign something? Guarantee he does, because he’s human, but he also knows there’s a camera shoved in his face so he’s being polite about it. You don’t know anything about these men, not really.

Often the only way you can see even a glimpse of who these people are is by the partners they choose, and people are mad because they don’t like it. Charles choosing to be with a girl from his own circle, who is concerned with art and fashion and a quiet person is so deeply offensive to these freaks because it reminds them that it will never be them. Lando hanging out with Instagram baddie models and actresses is hurtful to the crazies because they know even if somehow they could get on his radar, they’re not his type. The existence of these women is the only thing that keeps the lunatics anchored in reality and they can’t stand it. It gives “raised on 1D fanfiction where Zayn Malik picks you out of the crowd at a concert”. They just can’t handle that these men are not men who’d ever want them. These girls are also a reminder that the drivers are just human. They’re men with options and *shock horror* they go for the one with the most social capital. Shocked pickachu face 🙄

They’re not Disney Princes, and I know damn well these girls on Twitter don’t look like the girl from Tangled so sit your petty, jealous asses down.

[sickknotdoom]

I've seen you pop up in the #sparkletag quite a bit recently, and as both a Patron and as a friend of Kneeby, I think I've had enough of your antics.

It's really depressing to see someone dedicate their entire online presence towards hating someone. It's extremely creepy and weird to obsess over every single thing kit does like this. I urge you to go find a better hobby, and I mean it. This kind of parasocial behavior is toxic and only serves to hurt everyone including yourself. Take a break from this and use that time to reflect on yourself and what you really want. Do you want to dedicate all of your time constantly rambling and raving about everything kit does online? Does that sound like a productive use of your time? I don't think it is.

all my posts boil down to "the pacing and prioritization of this comic could use a lot of improvement + i find it weird that the creator isnt raising awareness to a literal genocide going on rn" and you react by writing an angry essay. your ask seems to boil down to "you cant criticize my favorite comic because it might hurt the creators feelings" so im gonna respond with an angrier essay

there are good things about sparklecare, obviously. i resonate with it in some regards. but that doesnt mean its perfect, as nothing is. i dont even tag my shit under the main sparklecare tags (apart from the stuff about kneeby not raising awareness towards palestine) because i know people like you are gonna get upset if you see a conflicting opinion on your dash. the only tags i tend to use are #sparklecriticism and #sparklecare criticism, none of the main tags. block those tags if you dont wanna deal with me.

my criticism is valid (i think) since yeah. the comics writing has a huge problem when it comes to letting things happen naturally instead of rushing them, which results in kneeby having to explain things on the blog (which 99% of the time you have to scroll deep into since the main blog is constantly reblogging the cometcare one) rather than having the comic clarify it on its own. thats a genuine issue in storytelling so i feel like it should be addressed and worked on.

i have way more of a presence online than this blog, obviously. i just dont want this blog connected to my real identity for a wide variety of reasons (mainly not wanting to be harassed even further than i already am)

if youre a friend of kneeby then i think you should tell kit to actually DO SOMETHING to raise awareness to the genocide going on in palestine and other targets, PUBLICLY. not just an announcement in a private discord, a public statement, or AT LEAST reblog the fanart of uni waving the palestinian flag. all the social commentary ive seen (yes im still taking the social commentary into account since the comic was described as such until my blog popped up) has come across as performative to anyone besides the clowns themselves, id love to see kneeby talk about issues that dont just apply to kit.

i know damn well the sparklecare blog is kits biggest platform, kit should use it to raise awareness, i dont care if the topic makes kit sad, it makes me sad too, but i still retweet as much shit about it as possible whenever it crosses my mind because i actually care about issues that dont involve just me and i actually want to do something to change the world. im a teenager and i do more to raise awareness than a group of adults.

im just a kid with opinions

[puppethistoryhive]

not Rory i can't stand him he gets on my nerves i meant my baby Benny i'm so sick and tired of him getting picked on in the fandom with everybody being mean rude and hurtful to him and making him get hurt and harmed all the time when it comes to the fan content he doesn't deserve it i just want him to be loved and accepted and not bullied and get a win and have everything go right for a change is that too much to ask and wish for? also if all the content for Benny weeks turns out to have anything go horrible wrong and awful for him i'll be so mad

hey anon i want you to know this is actually crazy 🩶 youre allowed opinions on characters all you want but like whatever this is is batshit idk what else to say! you sound like you have some kind of parasocial relationship with a fictional character which again i can understand to a level but going into peoples inboxes like this is wild! thinking about benny week failing is so irrelevant just be glad your fav Has a week. now the main thing that ks crazy though, is going into the inbox of someone who is an introject of a character you dont like, then talking about how you dont like them!!! being mean to my mutuals isnt cool, and rory hate in general isnt allowed here 🩶 any further inboxes will be ignored 🩶 -erica

[loveisbraveandwild]

i’m a middle eastern swiftie. and when i say swiftie, i mean like, crazy kind of swiftie where i love her to death, and she means so much to me. i mean, i’m a teenager and she had made me feel so seen and comforted and understood. i don’t know how life would be without her, honestly.

i don’t think she’s a white feminist who only cares about herself. she has spoken up about black rights and treats everyone equally; she has a scatter of poc crew and staff, she has donated to these causes and such. i also do think her safety is a priority—she’s a huge popstar who is a woman and has been continually harassed, through ai pictures and stalkers. how many times did new york have to arrest her regular stalker, only for him to return again? it’s a huge issue.

but.. as much as her safety is important, is it important over a genocide? is a huge figure of the industry and america more important than millions of children dying? i used to take the stance of: if she spoke out, she would get harassed, at the beginning. but now that time passes and i’m seeing PICTURES of fucking children being hung with the organs of their legs dangling, this is just so inhumane. my stomach turns everytime i think that palestine will never get a ceasefire, nor will people care until every palestinian dies.

i hate the idea of taylor not caring enough about this. it’s very nasueating because i see her as a moral person—i genuinely believe that she is a good person, and i want that to be true. but fuck, would she really not consider speaking about a genocide happening? the more time passes, i get angrier knowing that soon there will be an end to this—the end of palestinians, not a cease of genocide.

she said she wants to be on the right side of history. that she cares. and i believe that, but i feel really hurt—no matter how parasocial it sounds—that she’s so silent right now. i just hope that she speaks up soon and is donating in private, i just really want to trust her, because i do love her.

sorry if this was too long, i just have a lot of feelings about this, especially as a middle eastern. u don’t gotta reply, but i’ve seen ur blog (a fan, u could say!) and felt safe enough to share

not too long. just gonna share because i think you bring up some really good points

[nerdyenby]

Green time :D I’m watching Jojo

Pregame

Gosh, she’s so pretty. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest

I know green got some bad luck but I’m hoping the energy survives and thrives, I’m ready for vibes!!

Jojo stays on the grind, she’s insane /pos

I know Kara would’ve said if it was H, but I like to imagine that it was H who just showed up and offered her bacon without warning

“Maybe there are kind people in this world” Jojo going through it, don’t mind her

Pete and Jojo are so freaking funny together. They’re both so deadpan it’s amazing, I’m dying

Haha who who have past MCC teams memorized, that’s so whack hahahah (it wasn’t intentional, okay? It just happens when you run two 64-spot team brackets ;-;)

Seriously though, no one can be expected to remember MCC teams from more than one event ago, if that, including (and dare I say especially) content creators. Those are your pals and you’re at work, why would you be expected to remember who you were with on a specific day??

“Oh you’re in MCC? Name every team you’ve ever been on” so true Pete

“I could probably name every single team I’ve been in” “Weird flex but okay” “Ok, I’ll go for it, here we go” Jojo really said bet

*EEEEI* “Wait, was that wrong?” “No, I just wanted to make a buzzer sound” Pete is so real for that, honestly

“Fuck vod reviewing, all my homies hate vod reviewing” Pete only has banger opinions, sot is the only vod review you need in life

Jojo’s skin is so cute!!

Pete and Jojo saying they’re excited for Michael’s ace race

Hi Hannah!!!

I love this team’s energy

Pete saying he wanted Jesus to take the wheel and Kara appeared from the heavens

“Pinged in real life” 😂

Them making plans to go to a concert together, content creators doing actual irl friend things together makes me so parasocial

Me when I have a resting tremor and my doctor has no idea why

THEYRE THE ONES THAT STARTED THE PUNCHING??? That’s so funny oh my goodness

The best reactions to the intros ever 😂

Grid Runners

This team is so go with the flow, I love them

OH MY GOD THIS STRAT

“For team morale, any time we fail a game we need at least one person on the team that can take the fall, whether it was their fault or not. Grid runners is mine, so if we fail I’m the asshole” this is so iconic I can’t

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen” so true Pete

Grid goes so quickly because it’s! the best! game!!!

“Guys we suck” that’s the spirit!!

“Let me check who’s to blame for this one.. Oh it’s me! Alright, lay it on me!!” “Damn Pete, what the hell?” I love this team so much

Parkour Warrior

I love the blame game they’re doing

Jojo’s popping off!!!

Jojo’s so good at this it make my heart happy but painfully, or it hurts my heart in a good way, whichever makes more sense

Rip Kara, it’s okay, it’s crazy easy to flop when the pressure gets that bad, no worries queen <333

Aw Michael was so close too :((

“As per the law, this is my fault […] I threw- oh, I’m top 5!!” Y’all don’t understand how I’m love I am with this gimmick, green30’s blame game my beloved

I love how parkour warrior isn’t just about parkour skills, it also really emphasizes time management. It makes it more variable and interesting because it’s not just gonna be the same three people winning every time because there’s no single right way to do it. It’s now a strategy game and I’m so down for that, you don’t understand

Sands of Time

“You guys suck! I’m taking about the other teams” “That’s fine” “We suck too”

Jojo my igl!!!

Michael doesn’t know our lord and savior HBomb94??? Smh…

Gosh, we’re watching a master at work, people

Michael is such a good sand keeper, he just has such “this is your captain speaking” energy

“Michael your comms are incredible, I need you to know that” yes Pete!! Hype him up!!!!

Jojo found the vault so quick but that tunnel is MASSIVE

HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE!!!! GREEN30 SUPREMACY!!!!!

JOJO SOT CHAMPION!!!!

And now we throw, so true

Ace Race

Michael be like: stonks

Jojo repping us anxiety girlies, as she should (I’m not a girl but I’m anxious enough that I think I qualify)

MUSIC TIME WITH JOJO :DD

The turtles do go boing, so true Michael

Pete and Jojo are everything

Pete and Jojo holding hands for an entire lap and a half my beloved

Jojo giving Pete the strength to do the skip then missing it herself

Kara personal best yippee!!!!

Pete fastest lap my beloved!!

YIPPPPEEEEE

Michael is thriving this MCC, we love to see it

Ayyyyy halftime show!!!!! Get it ladies!!!

This is a phone flashlight moment right here

I JUST STARTED CLAPPING IRL!??!??!! MY PARENTS HAVE PEOPLE OVER 😭😭😭

Meltdown

“Here’s the plan: uh, follow me” so true Jojo

Gosh, I love this team. No stress, no rage, just “okay, here’s what we change”

OH MY GOSH

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE IN THIS ROOM????

THAT WAS INSANE!!!

Kara 😭😂😂😂 the sass, my goodness

“I don’t care” Kara is so real for this, I strive to be that self-assured

“Everybody pause. Shut up now. Who?” “Where the fuck is Mumbo Jumbo?” Funniest part is that I don’t know if any of these people actually know Mumbo

Battle Box

“Everyone’s looking at me!! Oh, everyone fell. Oh my god, everyone died” 😂

Mmmm yes, tight corners my beloved /s

Prison my beloathed

WHEN DID THE GAME START???? DID I ACCIDENTALLY SKIP FORWARD AND NOT NOTICED OR WAS I JUST THAT SPACED OUT???

I like battle box, I do, I just feel like I’m never paying enough attention ;-;

Winning against red was huge, they had such good comms too

We love finding a good groove :))

Gosh the vibes are immaculate, you expect them to be super sweaty but they’re just comming in gibberish

Jojo 13 kills?!??!!

“That’s my teammate!!” Heck yeah it is, gosh Pete and Jojo are everything

Michael willing to take one for the team, what a king

Sky Battle

Jojo igl my beloved

You got this, queen

Kara hyping up Michael’s kill :))

Rip, unfortunate spawn, happens to everyone

Pete’s tone when he said Michael’s name after he died 😂

“They need to give the chicken swap to two people and enable pvp” Pete is a genius

Hole in the Wall

The absolute sass, I love them

“It’s all your fucking fault” thank you Michael

I didn’t even realize they weren’t calling colors 😭

THOSE are the lyrics??? I thought it was “I believe” not “if I was green” lmao

Jojo flipped a switch in her brain and called the most supreme hitw comms of all time

“100- I mean, red” real

“Hey, guys? I’ll take the blame on this one” “Don’t.” “King, I’ll steal the blame from you” “I will too, I messed up” this is violating the spirit of the blame game /s

Pete and Jojo holding hands on the leaderboard my beloved!!!

Dodgebolt

“I would’ve appreciated if we would’ve like, said beforehand ‘oh hey, I’m gonna throw now’ so like, I would’ve been able to be emotionally prepared”

Maybe the real treasure was the parkour tag we skipped along the way

“Man, I even took my performance-enhancing drugs” KARA 😭😭😭

Cheering when Firecracker came and joined their screenshot, then keeping the energy when Fruit, Illumina, and 5up joined in too

Them all being so excited to team together :((

THAT SOT WAS LEGENDARY!!!! GREEN30 YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!!!!

They’re such bad listeners /aff

“You guys don’t listen to each other, yet you listen to me when I make calls in skybattle? What the fuck?” Pete 😂

“When was the last time we saw numbers like that in sands of time?” The answer is never, Jojo!! Y’all made history!!!

Michael stop being self-deprecating, I swear, a good sand keeper is an absolute necessity and you killed it king

GREEN30 PLATE UP!!!! I don’t know it that well but it’s such fun chaos

I’ve missed these little post-mcc chats where a bunch of people join a random channel and just talk, it’s giving season one vibes :))

[artekai]

For the OC ask game, 2, 4, 5, 9 and 29 for both Fross and Kai! And for you, E, F, and H >:)

THANK YOU SM FRIEND!!! :DDD

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Kai - Relatively easy! But not too much I think. It's just that he's already so upbeat and smiling all the time so laughing is like one step over that. You get what I mean?

Fross - Politely? Fairly easy if he respects you just a little and doesn't want to upset you. Genuinely? Not as much. He has to like you a lot for that, but then when that happens he totally becomes a giggly schoolboy with a crush lol.

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Kai - Hmmm easy? Kind of. I'm not sure. Because he tends to be optimistic and try to see the good in everyone around him, if it came down to it, he would probably consider you trustworthy until proven untrustworthy. But he's not careless either, he might be an oversharer but he's not gonna trust a stranger with sensitive information unless life itself depended on it or something. So he'd give you a chance but not rush too much into it.

Fross - Extremely hard lmao. I'm convinced it took Stanley at least 80 years to earn his trust and he was even helped by the fact that Fross enjoyed spending time in VR Las Vegas and got extremely lonely because he hated all of the other Zeniths. I guess he "trusted" Ted Faro once, but that was because he was parasocializing hard and the version of Faro he had in his head was deeply romanticized.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Kai - Relatively easy if you know where to strike.

Fross - Very easy! I'd argue that mistrust is his default state. See above. Even when he gets really close to someone, he keeps expecting them to have ulterior motives or disappoint him in some other way (e.g. Kai).

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Kai - Yes on both accounts! I'm not sure what his first swear word would be though? I'm thinking it was one he heard from his Focus and then kept repeating over and over for three weeks, much to his werak's chagrin lol. But I'd have to figure out what kind of holos Takuto would have saved in his Focus... It's not too far-fetched to think he might have learned his first swear word from Akechi himself which is a really funny idea to me.

Fross - Very rarely, I think. I don't think he would say them casually, but only if he really was pissed and trying to insult someone, if that makes sense? So that's very risky considering the circumstances which means he has to either just mutter it so they can't hear it or say them alone lol. Maybe he goes into his VR world and just yells swears for a while, that sounds healing. He definitely doesn't remember his first swear word but if I had to guess it was probably damn.

29.  Do they usually live up to their own ideals? 

Kai - He tries to, at least! He sticks to them most of the time but sometimes he slips in moments of extreme emotional distress. It's only natural.

Fross - No lol. His moral compass is a roulette wheel anyways so I'm not sure it's possible, haha. And he's also a massive hypocrite, there's that.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Unfortunately they would both really hate my guts :( As for whether I would like them, I don't know about Fross but at least I do wish Kai were real 💔

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

Depends on my mood lol. A lot of the times it's pride or excitement, occasionally it's self-recognition through the other (derogatory) which leads to actual anger and hurt and even hate lol. Sometimes it's [redacted] and sometimes it's love and care and appreciation and warmth and comfort, and sometimes it's even pity lol. When I say they're everything to me, I really mean it, haha. They make me feel the full spectrum of human emotion, even jealousy lmao. But maybe this question wasn't looking for a literal answer but more like an average :?

H) What trait do you admire most?

For Kai, it'd probably be easier to list what I don't admire about him, lol. But I guess it's just what I admire most 🤔 Soooo, probably his determination, his optimism, his can-do attitude. I like how well he plays the role of a hero. He really has the vibes of a leader who's the glue that keeps the team together. And I love that. He really inspires me in so many ways.

I guess this is gonna sound weird, but I really admire Fross's will to live. I always have. At this point I'm convinced that the only reason he survives so much shit he shouldn't be able to survive is because he really wants to (or maybe because evil never dies lol).

But, more importantly, even when everyone hates him, even when he's at his most despairing, even when it seems like he has nothing left to live for, he has this conviction that he deserves to live a good life, no matter how long it takes to find it. He knows it's unfair that the apocalypse happened during his time. And he's so sure that he deserves just as much as anybody else...

Obviously this is a problem for him because he's so ready and willing to step on whoever he needs to make his ideal life happen that it gets in his own way. He's willing to put his own right to live over an entire planet's right to live. But it's so impressive to me because it's like he's constantly drawing from a bottomless well, clinging to life, to his right to exist, even when everyone around him desperately wants him to keel over and die. I have to wonder where he got it from.

Beyond the sentimental stuff, though, this places him in direct opposition to the self-sacrificial characters around him (Aloy, Kai, Lis), which I think is cool.

[ikilledamanforthisurl]

Minami Anon x3 but so real………. Yeah idk how old he's meant to be but he very much gives me like 21-30 35 at oldest age range vibes. Which I think/agree is a factor in Why He Is Like That. I know its technically noncanon but i also think a lot about the implications of Minami once never drinking but then when he discovered fire breathing he started drinking 24/7 from this one scene w Majima in dead souls like hmmmmmmm….. wonder what’s going on there buddy…….. something you'd like to share with the class Minami about how you perceive yourself/any potential wants for attention. Anyways it’s okay if the you sound untranslatable I understand and also relate to that feeling of 24/7 thinking i come across as incomprehensible 💖 no pressure to do so but I would personally love to read that Saejima teacher ramble and how it affects Minami etc etc also

ohhh man it's canon. if we're taking rggo's scraps as having some relevancy then dead souls absolutely is canon. and more importantly, its canon TO ME (takes consecutive puffs of my copium inhaler)

yeah i had this at the ready. yeah. i tear my shirt open and it has "the line from dead souls where Majima outs Minami as a fucking square" tattooed across my chest. not the line itself but those exact words. i cannot describe how his charm shot thru the fucking roof to me when i heard he used to be completely straight edge!! what a fucking dork!! come here i'm giving you a wedgie boy

and then the ehhhh half-subjective half-objective tragedy of him succumbing to a vice to the point of functional alcoholism (or currently functional aud as some folks call it, which is unfortunate naming conventions for those who use australian currency) implying he's been a "pretty good drinker" for an extended amount of time. and the kicker is majima totally could not care less. there's no evidence to Him Specifically being the one who got Minami to drink but it's absolutely regular Family practice, if the boy wants to fit in with the Majimagumi he needs to top up!

hc shit-i-made-up territory but i LIKE to believe that Majima personally influenced him this way during whatever limited time they had in direct contact with each other (cause while you COULD have their dynamic between a twat who signed up + the twat who runs the business and nothing more its not as fun. a little too parasocial methinks) but this is 99% due to me finding a song that makes me imagine the perfect sequence for this (dont get me.started on Majimagumi songs. i like to delude myself into thinking i'll animate to one of them eventually). also considering the kind of man Majima was during Shimano-servant-era i feel like it wouldnt be too out of character. he's not a malicious person but by god he does stupid shit and hurts people so much in so many horrific ways he could not care less about putting some highschool level peer-pressure shit on the new recruit just because he's Bored. what's one more hurt person in the grand scheme of things.

Alllso... getting back on track..? WHY was Minami straight edge in the first place. it could be any reason under the sun but the way it's worded here really sounds like it took a lot of willpower to break his resolve to just have a sip, just tryyyyyyy it, yadda yadda. if Minami is as punk as i totally project unto him to be, then he'd be no stranger to lives lived in excess..... i could not tell you for certain that Straight-Edge was a Punk Thing in pre-2010 Japan whatsoever. an attitude, sure, but i'm talking music scene shit........ however, gigs involve lots of booze at the bare minimum regardless of country. 'tis just the way of life. and 'tis a plausible outlet for WHY he seemed to have such a strong unwillingness to drink....

you know, outside of other stuff like experiences with friends and family. those can work too. those are considerably more sad and personal... those can work alongside gig culture shit. i dont have anything explicitly outlined but its definitely something i'd like to write for him... make up a little backstory so i can maybe explore some themes that RGG wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, like addiction. it interests me a lot and getting it somewhat RIGHT interests me a lot. i know for sure RGG would fuck it up LMAO

[the1975attheirverybest]

I have to admit smth. The love I have for Matty kills me, it makes me sad and depressed I need to stop bc after put the phone away I realize how bad my life is

Oh, hun. I’m sorry.

To be honest, and maybe this is controversial to say, and probably unhealthy, so you should feel totally free not to listen to me and just…do the normal human thing. But, I think it’s a bit shitty that society makes us feel bad about our love for art. I could go on and on about this for ages. I’ll spare your the details, but I’m kind of sick of the whole “parasocial relationships are bad” thing.

I think, yes, it’s helpful to remember that we do not actually KNOW Matty. That we only see a version of him based on what he actively chooses to share with us. I think we definitely shouldn’t reduce him to his celebrity status or do the kind of thing that allows people to just bombard him at airports or show up to his hotel or whatever. Definitely yeah that shit is important. However, I absolutely REFUSE to apologize for the joy that he brings me and that his music brings me. When I say that he saved my life, I’m not exaggerating. I know he says shit about like not knowing if fans are being dramatic when they say that to him. Well, I’m not. I was actively suic*dal when I discovered the 1975, and the fact that someone out there not only felt the way that I did, but put words to it, made it into art, transformed it into a positive thing made me feel so much comfort when scene mental professionals were at all loss for how to help me.

To this day, just the fact that someone as beautiful and smart and kind as he is exists in the world and is out there making it better by making music and bringing crowds together and articulating such complex and often contradictory ideas in such a relatable way, challenging us to think differently, and all the other weird and wonderful things that this rat of a man does on a daily basis brings me so much hope, joy, and comfort. So I just absolutely refuse to be guilted into feeling bad about it cuz he doesn’t know I exist or cuz it’s not normal to feel this intensely about some public figure. Yeah, if I were feeling this way about [insert stereotypical celeb here] then absolutely shame me for it. But I think he’s one of a handful of people who is worth it. You won’t catch me saying that shit about, like, Kim Kardashian, or Drake. The day that I start writing Drake fanfics is the day that….idk take me out of my misery.

So, if it makes you happy, and you find it meaningful, do it! Fuck societal expectations. If it makes you sad that you don’t actually know someone who’s like that, BE THAT PERSON. Be that for others.

If, however, it’s actually hurting your mental health to participate in a fandom that brings you more harm than good, then yeah, maybe think about why that is/ what you can do to change it.

Again, I might be completely in the wrong here. I’m well aware that I sound fucking insane. So, if this isn’t sitting right with you, feel free to tell me to fuck right off. I totally understand. …thanks for coming to my ted talk lol

[jasperjv]

Over the years, Connor has built up a small army of allies, mostly online, to help him and support him. We were in group voice calls with him frequently, and I was among them. Nowadays we have raged and mourned among ourselves over who we thought and hoped he was, unanimously agreeing that he desperately needs therapy from a specialist. I’ve had two separate therapists of mine posit that his behavior strongly suggests a severe degree of Cluster B personality disorder. These disorders, they also informed, require extensive treatment, a specialized therapist, and possibly even a small team to be available to reach at any time of day. These sufferers can be extremely volatile, prone to self-destructive behaviors and suicide attempts.

All this would naturally be very alarming. However online users have been his primary social support (no matter how many times we told him not to do this), and he has some uncritical misgiving that if he spreads out his venting over a group, no one will feel directly spoken to and therefore should and must not get personally attached to him, even when spoken with directly and reciprocated live, and even in groups he is not the administrator of. He has not seen that this would instead multiply the problem. He has a hard time imagining anyone else's perspective.

So for someone who purports a desire for distance, he has shared far too much about himself and his personal life. And for someone who calls himself a storyteller, he really should know how powerful stories can be, and are. My remembering all of these things is simply part of human nature to be engrossed in tales and stories. To us as a group, he certainly was an underdog protagonist, and for all of the things I detail below, eventually we all became fervently protective of him, but he just went on assuming that this tendency was normal. He just went on taking it for granted. He went on thinking that this is just what “parasocial” fans are like.

Connor had been telling everyone with ears to hear that his brother was prepared to murder him in a nasty fight. Of course, he has always conveniently excluded anything that may have provoked this aggression. But he would always tell this story with a palpable amount of hurt in his voice, so we all felt it was far from us to question anything about it, instead validating his feelings. We were all in our 20s, so of course that was all that had occurred to us to do. This is assuming he was even mindful enough to comprehend or remember what provoked the attack anyway.

Connor was live in one of his/our many group calls reporting his experience moving back in to his family home again in 2020. According to Connor's report at that time, there was an incident where his brother was in the way of the television. Connor said he yelled at him, and that then his thought was, “Oh this is still just like when we were kids. Here we go again.” This, of course, doesn't factor in that Connor was the one who started yelling. This is the type of fundamentally unempathetic, disrespectful, personally persecuted framing he chronically engages in.

A few days later, he was in call again sounding utterly crestfallen. He said his brother's therapist had gently asked him to leave. He told us that to see him off, his dad hugged him and told him he loved him. Regretfully, at the time, my reaction was to get angry and to tell him to cut them all off for showing favoritism toward his brother, though I very quickly backed down from it and I believe I did apologize. I don’t know for sure how much he has held on to this interpretation of events despite (as it would feed his complex quite well), but I’ve been told now that he has been telling everyone that his mother keeps him on the family's health insurance only for some kind of tax break. To me that seems to show the general attitude he prefers to hold about his own family: he can't even believe his own mother loves him without some kind of catch. And now I can't help but feel I may be partially to blame for this.

In the 2 years Connor and I communicated, I had fought with everything in me to earn the most basic modicum of respect from him and to maintain it consistently. But reflecting upon this now, I see he is incapable of affording any respect whatsoever to even his own brother.

One day in 2021 or so, he drank too much. It seemed to everyone at first that the next morning was just a hangover, confirmed between both text and voice chat. One of us gave him money to order a pizza. But within a few hours, he said he started vomiting blood and ended up hospitalized.

But despite everything, and much more, Connor demonstrates an egregious lack of mindfulness about the ways people have helped him while taking nothing from him. This results that, in practice, he holds impossible standards for what he considers a “good person.” There is little to nothing one can do to curry just enough favor with him in order to be treated with consistent decency. It has left us all feeling used up and burnt out, when being treated with dignity and the appropriate level of gratitude and personhood is genuinely the only thing we wanted in return. For well-adjusted people, that would go without saying. But I know that just affording us simply that would've felt to him like being used, as he would feel it putting himself in an unacceptable vulnerable position, whether he is consistently consciously aware of that or not. How to get on his good side is to win a lottery of many incidental factors, and the few who have won it I've come to know as not actually particularly outstandingly “good” as long as people are given a reasonable amount of good faith.

Now, Connor and I, at one point, were exchanging hundreds of messages, for hours a day. He only wanted to talk in public chats. Anything more direct (with nobody else to mediate the conversations, I suppose) would apparently frighten him terribly. But it was obvious to everyone except him that we were particularly fixated on each other anyway. Everyone else had assumed we were fast friends and without him present, they tended to talk about us as such. I had found him fascinating, having a personality so seemingly opposite to my own and yet has reached the same conclusions in politics and social issues.

I was first drawn to investigate him during a difficult time when I was frustrated and angry, and he seemed to mirror that in 2018. He seemed to me to be someone who would never be used as a doormat, like I felt I was. I am a soft and sweet person, fundamentally compassionate and nurturing, but I was never raised to acknowledge that or taught what to do with it. I felt he had some kind of answer that resonated, validating the fury I was feeling. I thought there was something to learn from him. I felt constantly pitied, disrespected, thinking if I could just get angry, like him, all of that might end. He reinforced my insecurities, so it made sense to me: he functioned essentially to show me my supposed problems and offer the cure.

If he weren't abusive, he would not have obliged that vulnerability. He would not have talked down to me and bragged every time he seemed right about something. (As an example of talking down, at one point he told me I was too weak to move to Pennsylvania, because everyone there would be too mean for me, when we were just bantering about the low cost of living there). It was his responsibility as an adult, and as someone who supposedly wanted distance, to simply not take an opening just to make someone who was feeling down on himself into an even more beaten-down misanthrope molded in his own image. I wish that went without saying. I was only 2-3 years younger than him and we were both adults, but it was not immoral for me to have a time of weakness and vulnerability and to not have been taught my own worth by the people who should have taught me, and to not be aware of this all. But it is immoral and inappropriate to exploit that, even in the case that I was also an adult.

But in defense of my past self, personal details spilled from him uncontrollably. It was the most heartbreaking, loudest cry for help I had ever heard. I was absorbed in his narratives where he was the misunderstood underdog with a lot of trauma, like me. And I just wanted to do my best to help, as I have always been someone who takes the reins when I don't see anyone else doing it. But that was another thing he exploited. I cared deeply, and I took any implication or accusation from him that I didn't, not as an insult, but understandable, and a challenge to overcome. If you are at all familiar with toxic relationships and how they work, this had all better sound familiar to you.

Our dynamic couldn't have been more toxic. I picked his brain and was quickly infatuated, while he insidiously broke me down in open chat space. He used doublespeak constantly to make unsavory accusations which I'd respond to subtly in kind, and the friends around assumed that this abstracted language was us playing around, while it was often actually a heated argument. He talked down to me (causing others around to view me without respect as well), and made fun of how I typed and sometimes talked, which would prompt me to “correct” myself subtly over time until I began to lose my ability to articulate myself. He also aggressively opposed any of my hope in the future for his own emotional catharsis (though he also did this to others while I was a favorite target) which I took as a relished challenge, even as I also exhausted myself engaging in it frequently.

Now I understand this as an externalization of what very much should be an internal emotional coping process that he has offset to others purely out of his own laziness. I also know now that he fed on me trying so hard to get him to understand and accept my good intentions. It kept me talking and available. He'd occasionally feign being available for persuasion in that. He’d occasionally recognize how temperamental and harshly judgmental he could be, talking about times he was wrong about someone in the past and changed his mind. He said he would be open to honest criticism. But it was usually just an invitation for an argument.

On many occasions he has outright stated that artists in general remind him of his younger self, and so he assumes all the things he hates about his younger self probably also applies to those artists. He sees his younger self as an arrogant, self-aggrandizing egomaniac. For many years he has taken it upon himself to judge the character of any artist who crosses his path and “humble” them based on his own moral assessment. This simply takes the form of potshots and bullying.

As an artist and target, I have to believe that I do remind him of his younger self. But it is also clear to me that he was sensitive as a boy, as I'm still sensitive today, as an adult near his age. He always treated me as juvenile for making efforts to be optimistic. Sometimes he really has talked to me like a chastising father, which always disturbed me, but I ignored that intuition.

I enjoyed challenging him in any kind of debate even if it drained me. And unfortunately, some of that debate was about what kind of person I fundamentally am, and sometimes what kind of person he was. These never should have been up for debate in a healthy, good-faith relationship of any kind. Eventually I'd been made to fear myself. My infatuated feelings simply happened to me, but just the fact of them existing felt like a violation. I never once felt I was entitled to him or anything from him. I'd never felt so deeply ashamed of and disgusted by myself.

In my gut I must have known the whole time that I was being terribly mistreated, and outwardly that manifested as me almost daily venting my thoughts and feelings, really trying to get at why I felt so awful. And I thought this behavior was fine, because really he did the exact same thing. And I couldn't deign to consider it to be the guy who had always had such a hard life. I loved him, and everybody loved him. I did this so much that I'm certain I said some stupid things just by probability. And he told us all at some point that he keeps a screenshots folder on his desktop that he browses through sometimes. When he got called out in 2018 he had screenshots already of people looking like fools that he framed dishonestly (I know in hindsight but, in a way that, at the time, definitely had me fooled) so I wouldn't be surprised if he is sitting on a pile of my less-than-proud moments right now. And I am also sure that he's livid that he can't show screenshots of, what he now damned well should understand, is me having a psychotic breakdown, without looking like a complete monster.

Now, to jump all the way back to the topic of us all being very protective of Connor, I just want to be very clear that I don't blame any of these people I'm about to talk about. They are still my friends. They meant well, and they do currently mean well, and they do not disrespect me (however unintentionally) anymore. We were all under Connor's spell at the time.

Every single time Connor would talk down to me and something didn't feel right, every time he would insult me but I wasn't sure that's what it was, and especially every time he sent me a patronizing rant over nothing, I would come to the rest of the group to try and get support. Back then, I didn't know anything about the value of feeling my feelings. Especially by this point in our toxic relationship, I always thought I had to be the one who had the problem, especially since he was the one who apparently had such a difficult life. (I mean, I also had a difficult life, but I figured I at least was handling it pretty well.) I only cared about feeling better as quickly as possible and getting things back to a comfortable baseline. My friends would tell me that he didn't mean what he said, that he didn't mean it that way, that his paranoia as a very popular person was understandable so I shouldn't take it personally and just let him be defensive, that they were sure he cared about me and didn't want to hurt my feelings but was just blunt. And I would take any crumb he would throw at me to get the peace back. I didn't know back then that this just caused him to view me as a pathetic insect even more.

In early 2021, I was very confused by what was going on between us, and after he again lectured me like a toxic father would over nothing, I left his Patron Discord server while not really being able to say what happened, because I didn't know. At that point I had had my ability to articulate myself worn down thoroughly over time to where I wasn't able to tell anyone what was wrong, especially in a way that wouldn't make Connor look bad, as I had been told over and over to just be understanding and patient and whatever else.

Now, it had been some months, and he was still in a separate group chat as a fellow common member. It caused me a lot of fear, which I hid. There is a way to block people in chat. It hides what they have typed, but not to hide the fact that they HAVE typed. He would become more active when I started chatting. He’d send a message right after mine, and I couldn't read it through the block, but I figured he was trying to get my attention. He gave up, but I needed to get away.

But then all the stress in my life including his behavior caused me to have a psychotic breakdown. I used to live with my parents as I was going to college, but through their ignorance (as I am adopted so they are removed enough for my biological mother, whom I have inherited the schizophrenia from, to be totally lost with what to do) they were too frightened to have me live with them anymore. This happened on Easter 2021, and ever since then I've just been trying to survive. My parents didn't prepare me for financial independence as it was the safer route, the easier one, and I'm sure they thought they still had time even though I was already age 24 at that time.

But then in September and October 2023, my friends keeping up with Connor's activities told me what he had taken away from the whole thing. Up until then I was too scared to find out for sure, though I knew a range of possibilities.

Connor really decided to have so little respect for me in the end that he was willing to accept actual psychotic word salad mania as the childish tantrum of some fundamentally idiotic lunatic I truly was all along, despite anything that would have been to the contrary. While this would be useful for him for dismissing once and for all any debate I'd ever had with him to try to help him see the world as a less hostile place, this was the moment I drew a hard line. Ableism against those on the schizophrenic spectrum is beyond unacceptable to me.

Connor has a habit of using any mental illnesses or conditions he is aware he has as excuses for his behavior, but anyone else, especially with any conditions he doesn't personally have, he has no patience for and chalks it all up to personal failings on their part.

While I'm on the topic; while he abused me, I kept searching and finding more and more mental and physical health conditions that might explain why I was so inadequate. I even thought I had brain trauma, which I would think he would understand as a huge fan of boxing. The list only grew longer. I thought this was my growth. Part of me also thought he might finally go easy on me. It didn't work, of course.

But just the fact that he really did go so far as to reduce a mental illness as serious as psychosis (uncritically, lying by omission by not even caring about my side of the story because he didn't want to be proven wrong) into a personal failing, that hurt him personally, sent me into a rage. But even the personal slight to me aside, I felt an obligation to correct the record to the best of my ability to at least push back against this egregious saneism.

He also had assumed and purported as fact (lying by omission by not getting the other side of the story) that he had been kicked out of our friend group (this was while I was inpatient in the psychiatric hospital) because I, specifically, made a stink over supposedly spuriously supported transphobia on his part. And I've already somewhat discussed his unexamined transphobia and his dismissive, very offensive and harmful stereotyping of me as an oversensitive trans person. Because now not only am I being painted as unreasonably upset over pronouns, but he paints the people “on my side” about this as unfair, unreasonable, performative, etc etc.. In his story I am made into the problem for existing in the group, and having supposedly too much power over them all by making them all feel bad for me and consequently persecute him over unexamined and spurious accusations of transphobia against him. You probably know how the transphobic narrative goes. Really that's just a fraction of what he has to say about transmasculine people in general.

I could definitely see how it could occur that other trans people, especially transmasculine people, who still support him could definitely hate me just because of this narrative setup that he has going. I would be made into the villain that makes the rest of them look bad by fulfilling stereotypes or whatever, when they haven't even met me. It would be a Blaire-White-style bullying in a desperate attempt to set themselves apart from this completely bullshit version of me they've made up in their heads to Connor’s benefit.

Let me talk to all of you for a second. I'm severely disappointed in all of you that this keeps happening over and over again online, and yet you all still seemingly haven't even considered this as a possibility. And even after all that I've told you about my psychotic episode being the actual factor in this, you still couldn't even bother to connect the dots. And the way you've all used my schizoaffective disorder– when almost nobody has any actual functional undunderstanding of it and are ignorant to the point of seriously endangering us every day given how rare it is– as a bludgeon for your selfish agendas is absolutely disgusting and there's no excuse for it. User humancorps3 even had the gall to Blaire-White me about that as well. I wouldn't be surprised if you all sent that person after me on behalf of all of you for that reason alone thinking I would bitch out and that person could get to have a heaping dose of precious “pick-me” energy. You are all fucking awful, terrible people and you seriously need to grow up. I mean it.

But anyway. My pushback clearly caused him to lash out. For a while he'd even been using the doublespeak obvious to me which we had always used when we conversed, to joke about things I'd posted while in psychosis but couldn't delete from the mental hospital, when I had just told him that's what it was. That is absolutely unacceptable under any circumstances. He also posted, “Anyone who has a problem with me should just fight me to the death,” because he'd rather die than become a better man, perhaps especially at my hand, as if that would make me feel any better and absolve him of any guilt. (This is an example of the doublespeak we would engage in. He calls it part of “lateral thinking” and is fixated on getting more people to think that way.) It's juvenile and frankly, insulting to be thought of that way. It would be an easy way out for him. But he would shortly delete these posts, conveniently.

(Quick aside: if anyone's tweets ever make you feel dread in the pit of your stomach but you can't figure out why, that's not fucking normal.)

In either September or October 2023, I’d come to be told that he’d been talking about me as if we were a real couple in some capacity, some kind of lovers. My friends felt I had the right to know these things because I had been so scared up until that point to hear what he had taken away from witnessing my psychotic breakdown in real time. He would call me “jilted” and bitter, and make himself out to be a sexual Casanova. Yes, at one point, we were engaging in flirting that was exclusively sexual in nature, with the understanding that it would be shallow sex if we ever did meet up. My reasoning was that I hadn't yet experienced sex, but wanted to try it before I died. His reasoning was that it would feel good. And I felt so much pain on his behalf after all of the stories that he fed the friend group that I just thought it might brighten his day. Make no mistake that I was never under any misgivings and never thought anything to the contrary, but he was extremely paranoid and very disrespectful of my intelligence on the matter, and would send me essay’s length paternalistic chastising if I ever tried privately engaging with him on any level that wasn't purely transactional in nature, ((even if it was just me voicing my concerns about literally anything away from prying eyes,)) and would instantly jump to the conclusion that I had lied about understanding the terms of our agreement.

But it was shocking for me to find out that in calls and Twitter Circle calls, he would be reminded of me quite easily and he would go off on tangents where he's made himself out to be a victim. It should go without saying that if he was never attached to me as he claims and were over me, this wouldn't happen. But the fact that he paints me as an ex now, I find to be positively revolting after the way I've been treated, and he had specifically told me on multiple occasions not to call myself even his friend, not even as a joke, and I didn't joke about it after that. This new information caused me to have to recontextualize the entire dynamic between the two of us and be forced to reprocess it all over again. So now it's May 2024 and I'm finally going into detail.

Why the focus on his father at all? Well, it's the stories he would tell in an inappropriate “avoidant-attachment” style, as my therapists have put it. His dad would come up in these very frequently. I remember Connor telling me on multiple occasions, even during some of our many debates, that there were only two things he felt he could bond with his dad over: boxing, and political debate. One might be able to imagine how this has affected my processing of these events in hindsight.

He also told all of us how he would try really hard to harden him up for the world– holding tournaments with him and his brothers underdressed in the snow and now he has Raynaud's Disease. (I don't know if this correlates in actuality or not.) He would tell us about the time he got beaten up and how he didn't feel supported or cared about when his dad's response was to banter with a friend of his about his scuffles in the past. He told us how hurtful it is to naturally be such a large man so people assume he is violent. He told us how he joined the football team just to get bullies to leave him alone, and said that was the moment he realized that the only way he can go about life is violently, because of the hand he was dealt. He told us that when people act like assholes, he can at least be secure in that they're not faking it. So basically he spends time around a lot of you people specifically because you all suck ass.

I wish his dad would apologize so that all of this might stop. I don't want any more people to be abused, I hate to see the mind Hell Connor lives in. By the way, both he and I are now diagnosed as autistic. He is open about his status. So he will go easy on you if you say you have autism and demonstrate a different level of functioning than him, but only in an insulting, paternalistic way.

I think I speak for all of us when I say: we just wanted him to get help.

I fully understand that my revealing all this can be seen as a breach of Connor’s trust. In any other circumstance, I wouldn't even consider it. I even told you people repeatedly that I didn't want to air things out like this. The point was that he already knew these things so I wouldn't have to remind him, but now I see that the cognitive dissonance of people defending him viciously might benefit from all this being detailed.

But I also like to think I've been clear just how Connor has selectively breached all of our boundaries in our group and dashed my most base level of trust (trust to not lie about me and not be transphobic) when it benefited him in a short-term, maladaptive way. Controlling information and keeping secrets is also a main way he exercises control over people. I even understand I'm here now taking responsibility for some stuff I really don't need to. And I have always been fully within my rights to expose how he's abused me and the rest of us, and I'm not required to be concerned with the consequences. None of you have to fucking lecture me. None of you know your place. None of you know just how much he doesn't give a fuck about any of you. Fuck you people. I never did anything wrong. I didn't want to do this. Work on yourselves. Get the fuck off Twitter and go to therapy.

I will never use Twitter recreationally again, only for things such as archival or third party login purposes. I see that it has far too many bloodthirsty, terrified, fucked up people vocal on there, using therapy-speak and thought-stopping clichés to gaslight and abuse people they don't even know without even looking them in the face for those social cues, as well as each other they think are their friends, while everyone else is too scared to tell them they're not fucking normal. No, it's not normal to be so worried that you and everyone else is feeling the “correct” emotions. Because from experience I know that's what this all comes down to. You're not fucking normal. Delete your accounts.

You pushed me nonstop when I was just posting in a way where you'd be able to see it and you have such a fucked up sense of boundaries that you think I'm the intruder here. I tried to warn you. Now I want you all to know what he's done, and also why he's done it. Unlike many of you, I want to be fair to him, even if he derailed my entire life. Also because now, I truly know without fear of delusion, thanks to your harassment letting shit slip, that it wasn't personal, because he was just scared and lashing out against some fiction he believed me to be while in his most paranoid moments. But if that isn't bullying itself, I don't know what is. Some of you may be shocked to struggle to come to the conclusion that when people are pieces of shit, they always are for reasons that make perfect sense to them, and not necessarily to you, egotistical pricks.

That being said, I don't know if he should have a Patreon anymore. Hell, I don't know if he should even be a content creator anymore. Because all of this allows him to keep stagnating as a person. His Patreon has been reported, citing his off-site behavior, as Patreon within the last couple of years have made statements about Onision and Iiluminaughtii (not that any of them can actually be compared, OBVIOUSLY) that they will not tolerate their site being used to enable abuse off-site (paraphrased). I'll just leave it up to what they think. I at least thought they must be made aware

With this post, hopefully I'm done with this. I've partially blamed myself for all of this. I've also felt like I've been the only one (with my autistic memory and all the horrific stories of his I've been burdened with and with nothing I'm able to do with it) who might be able to clear the air once and for all. And now I can make peace with the fact that I at least tried to make it right.

[hickeysgodcomplex]

that’s such a good way of putting it! i like a few bmth songs but i don’t know that many. i’ve dabbled into emo music and i think fob and bmth fit under emo??? but i’m not sure 100%. definitely get the interest in them, i should listen to more honestly but it’s Not The Right Time yet haha. it will happen sooner or later! just not now :’]

REAL!!!! i fucking have to have lyrics the first time i listen to a song or else i may as well not listen to it. i need to know the very essence of the song in every form or i’m not satisfied. lyricism is one of my favorite things, probably because i love words in general, but GOD. i love songs and concepts and fitting that into groovy lil tunes. it’s the best. AND YES, oh my god. you get it. i fucking love chateau (feel alright) because at a certain point in the song, you can hear joe’s mouth sounds and i’m so fucking obsessed with it. it’s also just one of my favorite djo songs in general. it’s ethereal to me. it’s a favorite song of all time of mine, as well as end of beginning. i did the math of playing a certain part of that song as the new year rolled in, if that explains any at all how much i adore end of beginning. music and me are one, as are you and music. i’m so happy you understand. it’s made me overjoyed and no less of it

:( that’s so kind. i hope you’re proud of yourself, because i am <3 i am so glad that you’re here, thank you for being here. i’m sure little you is so so so proud of you and happy to be where you are now 🫶

WOAH. that food looks so delicious, holy shit. looks like food from an actual recipe website or something. broccoli is so good by the way. i had this broccoli bake recently that was like mac and cheese but was broccoli instead of macaroni and it was incredible! i hope you can have more nice food soon, to treat yourself and such <3333

-🦇 (MWAH, you’re so nice to talk to. i felt like this was worth adding. talking to you makes stuff feel less lonely, if that’s not too parasocial to say. you’re such a cozy person and you have incredible vibes. thank you for existing in this space. you make it a lot brighter just by being you)

I think technically bmth is like screamcore stuff but they aren't as screamy now thankfully cuz i cant do the constant screams. Im like baby you're hurting both us with all this yelling. 🤣🤣🤣 but yeah i would think like emo punky and fob is like poppunk i think. I just ADORE their lead singer and his voice and ugh i can try and rec you a few songs if you ever want! Whenever the time hits!!!

(Gonna pop this under a readmore cuz they keep getting long!!! 🤣🤣🤣)

Ooohh yessssss Chateau is SUCH a dreamy song!!!! Its not my fave fave one but it does get stuck in my head A LOT. and yesss end of beginning is amazing too!!! I think Mutual Future (repeat) is one of my very faves. I just love how slow it is and then the like, way he almost chants the bit later on. Like he's full of so much need. Like... gosh. There's also a line in Personal Lies that literally makes my head go all fuzzy every time i hear it. Cuz, and hopefully not too tmi here, but I'm a little subby gremlin and he uses his condescending voice when he says "you need attention. Well baby there's the line" and i just.... go a little feral. Every time. Getting shivers now just thinkin about it. But like... that happens with me and music alllll the time!!!! And i LOVE that you timed it!!! Thats amazing!!! Sometimes you just need to hear the right thing to start the year right!!!!

And i am! Very proud of myself. I still have bad days here and there. But they never feel like i can't get past it anymore. So thats really nice. I just sort of embraced the small joys and it really just makes things brighter!

And awwww thank youuuuuu!!!! I love cooking so much!!!! I would share my food if i could!!!

YOU ARE SO SWEET OH MY GOSH! not parasocial too much i don't think. Most of my friends are online people who live in my phone ans i have so much love for them!!! BUT IM GENUINELY SO GLAD MY VIBES ARE GOOD AND COZY YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRYYYYY!!!!

[edge-oftheworld]

ever find a good blog or fan creator you think is really good and then scroll back and find they were a bitch and a troll to sierra and kaykay and probably crystal back in like 2018 and pushing a narrative that was obviously false and made no effort to redeem themselves or take down any of it? like i don't hold grudges, not usually, but some extremes are unacceptable and do cause harm to the people in question and like. the people you're in the fandom for too

and so in my classic style i am mad when i see that but some weird glitch in my brain turns that energy into compassion so here's my attempt at a reasonable understanding take. on my quest to be actually neurodivergent affirming, and my take of musicians being healthcare workers: pretty universally, we take music in when we're feeling unseen, lonely, struggling, we find songs we relate to, we get invested in the people who make them who we relate to through their songs and other content they share, the nature of the parasocial relationship means the love we give is never reciprocated personally only collectively. and there's a bit more creative license to fill in the gaps of things they don't share in the pictures of them in our heads than when with real people: real people will call you out on your bullshit or disappoint you by not being that fantasy and so someone will leave. anyway

in an ideal world we all find our tribe who understand us and we all grow in our understanding of ourselves and other people and we facilitate them finding that social capital too, we share it around. but in the meantime and in real life more generally music and parasocial relationships help get us through the times we don't have that. they can also inspire us to find it for ourselves and other people (why do you think i'm here seriously guys) and i can't overstate how much this saves lives. lives and relationships and careers and life goals and it sounds triumphant when i say it like that, and it is.

but the truth is it's messy, sometimes it is quite literally surviving til the next show. living for the next bit of content. and sometimes brains don't get it right and it's easy for youuuuuuuuuuu to say if it's not something you struggle with JUST BE RESPECTFUL and i want to. i really want to because if someone is so convinced their take is true and they NEED to express that, but it's hurting people, really defaming, invalidating, bringing down their confidence, causing lasting hurt. it does need to stop.

but it's not necessarily helpful to the struggling fan to just say 'stop that', you need some way to meet that need. and most of the time we don't have that. we don't have comprehensive mental health services, they're still pretty basic, monocultural, as good as they are, access is still shit, supply and demand do not equalise. and then all you have is music. and so i don't know where everyone is coming from. but i can guess and i can have compassion. like i get it. i feel responsible for making the world a little better and helping help get where it needs. because it's gonna help protect the people who are being hurt by this because it's really happening. for celebs it's a massive problem. for their partners who may or may not be famous in their own right (it doesn't matter either way brings its own struggles) too.

they're giving us music to get us through shit and how do we repay them? sure with a good decent (if insecure) amount of money if they're popular enough. but also with this behaviour that no matter what the complex suffering and neurobiology going on behind it is, they (celebs) have no obligation to be understanding about it. they should not have to go through any of it to begin with. it's like. being traumatised for offering some help? i know there are good stories that outweigh this but i do truly think we especially have to be kind to their partners who might get less of that direct benefit and more of the hate. we need to believe what our artists say and if they're lying to us for some reason or another, that's their business.

and while i'm on the topic of that and neurodivergent affirming takes I did just want to say: open your mind to different ways of expressing different kind of affection, platonic, romantic, sexual, and know all of these can come incompletely and have blurry boundaries and there are a million reasons if there was potential for a relationship (whether or not in any case there is/was is none of our business) someone might not choose to pursue it, which are also none of our business. and each of these kinds of love might look different with everyone's brain too: if there are labels for why they're not our business unless we're told, and yes, sometimes it will look like one thing to us but not to everyone because everyone is different and experiences these things differently. like of course you can ship them! but you can do so while maintaining an open mind to what they're actually experiencing and learning from and discovering how they explain it in their own words not trying to gaslight them on the internet or worse to actually sabotage any relationships that don't suit your agenda. just stick to your fanfics and put them on registered users only (and also don't tell a celeb to read fanfics about them or another member of their item. there is so much sensitive stuff at play here).

all this stuff isn't 'oh you're not a proper fan if you don't do this perfectly'. it's about reducing harm to us as fans and to our beloved artists and their loved ones and just keeping trying to grow and be better people in this vein every day. admitting we're struggling and we fucked up sometimes and actually making an effort to do better and to fix things. I think all of this is one of the most authentic things we can do as a fandom: never give up on that. be motivated to do what these artists are doing you know? it's dynamic, it's fun, we've all been through some shit together and we're all coming out of it and we're going to be kind.