#i know it can be interpreted as them eating the dessert at a different occasion

[kindaeccentric]

Wait wait wait. So what you're telling me, Mr. Molloy, is that this was the dessert you ate after proposing to Alice, right, but also that she refused to accept? Oh, I know surely there was another proposal, but why in both cases you said it was Paris, why was the same street mentioned by you and Louis digging in your memories? Did you propose twice in the same location even though you had to put extra effort to get the right table and she said no the first time? Who does that? Or if it was the very same proposal, why did you stay to eat the dessert? Did you eat it alone? Did she eat it with you anyway? Wasn't it awkward? Answer my questions, Mr. Molloy. Do you know the truth?

[liukangmybeloved]

everyone else is fighting for second {Mortal Kombat (2021)}

SPOILERS FOR MORTAL KOMBAT (2021)

Summary: Canon Divergent AU. Crack & Fluff. The team develops into something of a found family, which happens to include Cole's actual family. They take a day off from fighting to go to the fair, where the biggest question is 'who is Cole's daughter's favourite in the team?' Besides her dad, of course. Kano is very competitive about this question.

A/N: 1968 words. I will take a meat-tenderizer and FIX the canon and make it SOFT. i love cole young and mk 2021, if you don't like that, you've been warned. everybody lives/nobody dies AU & kano isn't a traitor. also imagine there's just like.... more time before the tournament. enough to become a found family. like i said, fluff & crack. warnings for swearing.

If Cole had it his way, Emily and Kano would have never met. He would be perfectly happy letting everyone else on the team meet her, but he's yet to hear a single sentence leave Kano's mouth that didn't include some colourful variation of 'fuck', 'shit', 'wanker', or 'cunt'. So unsurprisingly, he wasn't exactly eager to let his teenager daughter near the man who Sonya had literally called 'scum of the Earth', but alas.

"I'll be on my best behaviour, pinky-swear!" Kano's grin was all teeth as he'd held his pinky finger up to Cole's glowering face, wiggling it a little when Cole made no move to finish the pinky-swear.

"If you say - cunt -" and the word sounds so uncomfortable coming from Cole, he damn well looks uncomfortable just saying it, "within a hundred feet of her, I'll get Kung Lao to cut you in half." And he gesutres over to where Kung Lao and the rest of their ragtag bunch of misfits; the man in question had forgone his usual weapon for a more modern, soft-brimmed sunhat, but his jaunty wave to Kano at the sound of his name still managed to be menacing. The Australian shuddered in horror at the mere thought; at least he took the threat seriously.

"You don't have to be jealous, man," the threat seemed to only have dampened Kano's jovial attitude momentarily, as he's got a spring in his step as he follows Cole to the rest of the gathered champions, "Uncle Kano's gonna set a fuckin' - flippin' -" he corrects himself as Cole shoots him a warning look, "great example." Sonya barks a loud, derisive laugh as Cole sees fit to remind him that he's not Uncle Kano.

"Emily's a good kid," Liu Kang assures, kind and sincere.

"Yeah, she never even believes me when I tell her Kano's a dirty, little rat," Kung Lao smirks in the face of Kano's sudden outrage, and Cole is pretty sure that, despite it being Emily and Alison's idea, to give the team a day of levity and to bond, this might be the worst plan he's ever agreed to.

"This is a day of bonding, not of infighting," Raiden's voice joins them, followed by the God himself only moments later, which is enough to unite all the champions in confusion at his choice of wardrobe for the day. While still sporting a majority of his usual attire, somehow he'd managed to procure a t-shirt with a meme of all things on it, a personalised meme!

"I designed it myself, I think it turned out pretty okay; whaddya think?" Kano sounded far too proud of himself, looking at the cartoon drawing of what could only be Raiden himself pointing awkwardly at Thor as depicted in Marvel Comics, who was pointing back.

"We are both Gods of Thunder," Raiden explained, pointing to his own shirt; Sonya had gone wide-eyed, unsure of how to react, while Jaxx was doing his utmost not to burst out laughing.

"I... didn't know you knew what a meme was," Cole admits, though honestly, once the shock had worn off of, it was rather charming.

"I didn't know you knew what a meme was," Kano fired back, equally confused.

"I have a thirteen-year-old, of course I know what a meme is -" but then it seems to hit him just as it hits Sonya and Jax, and the three of them turn to the pair of confused, cave-dwelling, internet-free champions. None of them knew where to begin trying to explain the whole situation, but thankfully, Raiden chose that moment to open a lightning portal, and they all headed through quickly.

----

The night that Cole and his family had gone home after everything had gone down, the fighting, Sub-Zero, and the man he's pretty sure is the ghost of his ancestor, Emily had looked him dead in the eye and called him a super hero.

And then told him that his friends were really cool.

This was a sentiment that his new friends seemed to share about his family.

Cole quickly comes to realise that family isn't something a lot of the rest of the team have nowadays; they have each other, but for a lot of them, that's mostly it. He sits on an invite to dinner that he'd already ran past Alison several days ago, before inviting Liu Kang and Kung Lao over, if nothing else, to repay the hospitality they'd shown him so early on.

Alison's rule was that there was to be peace on their property; no training, no fighting, but the team was welcome as long as they didn't bring trouble to the door.

So then it was Sonya and Jaxx, who brought dessert when they came over.

Emily once asked what Thunder Gods ate. Did they eat? Cole wasn't sure. He extends an invite to Raiden anyways, but it's politely declined. The next time, however, he took up Cole's invite, mostly for the company, and to thank Alison and Emily for their patience; having Cole away so often wasn't easy, he'd be the first to acknowledge that. Alison appreciated the sentiment, as did Emily, though she was also just bursting with questions for the God, and he did his best to answer what he could.

Then finally - finally - after so long spent with the team, of most of them coming to find comfort and serenity in his home on the occasions that they need it, Kano is invited to Sunday lunch too.

----

"I know us champions and our super powers are pretty cool," Kano says to Emily, the moment they step through the lightning portal and emerge into the sunshine and the noise of the fair, "but I'm your favourite, right? Besides your old man, of course," and he rolls his eyes a little at that, as does Cole, for very different reasons, while Alison shoots Cole a questioning look. Thankfully she still does not trust Kano as far as she could throw him.

For her part, Emily answers incredibly diplomatically, sounding much older than her thirteen years, and quite a bit like her mother;

"Kano, you're a grown man, my approval shouldn't matter to you," she sounds sincere, which is completely undercut by Kung Lao sliding into step beside Kano.

"Which means you're not her favourite," he teases, and Kano practically growls back, embarrassed, while Emily calls out to Raiden that she likes his shirt. He practically beams.

"Not a lot of people will really get it, though," she points out, and Raiden muses on that for a moment.

"But I get it, and it's mine."

"Fair point," Emily nods at that, as their strange group steps up to buy tickets.

---

Emily spends more of the fair of people's shoulders than she does actually walking, which delights her endlessly. Mostly she's up on Jax's shoulders, and charges her cotton candy for the ride, ripping a small chunk from the one Cole had bought for her.

"It's weird seeing you all look so normal," she says to Sonya, the two of them in line for the Dodge 'Em Cars alongside Liu Kang and Kung Lao. Sonya grins, knows exactly what she means, gaze turning to the two members of the Shaolin Order of Light, not that anyone would know simply from looking at them now. Where Liu Kang had found a pair of trendy, ripped jeans was beyond Sonya's imagination.

"You look cool, though," Emily amended quickly, "I didn't realise you all would come to the fair, but I'm glad you did," she's smiling brightly as they get closer to the front of the line.

"Who did you expect to come along today?" Liu asks, eyes wide and curious. It wasn't that he was as competitive as Kung Lao or Kano, but he still found the child's interpretation of their group to be interesting. She knows, in some capacity, what they're capable off; she'd watched her father slice, dice, and kill Goro after all. The fact that she could think so highly of them speaks a lot to her capacity for kindness, or perhaps her childish naivety, but Liu preferred to think it was the former.

Emily, however, goes quiet, seems to be a little embarrassed. She mutters something, avoiding eye contact with any of them, and Liu goes to ask her to repeat herself, but she interrupts him while doing so;

"I wanted Dad to have a day off," she admitted, before adding, "and... and Lord Raiden; I don't think he's had a day off this millennium."

"It's good of you to look out for them," Sonya tells her fondly, "our team can be pretty single-minded, but we needed this day off, I think." And she gives Emily a pet on the shoulder, and lets her steer the tandem Car when they finally get a turn.

----

"It's me, right? I'm your favourite," Jax asks Emily over lunch, not because he genuinely believes it, but because it riles up Kano, and to a lesser extent, the competitive Liu Kang.

"Jax is one bad day away from pledging his allegiance to Skynet, he can't be your favourite -" Kano grumbles.

"Dad's my favourite," Emily reminds them sternly, and Cole has to hide his proud little smile, before she adds, "and mom's my favourite too, the rest of you, well of course you're all badass as hell -"

"Is it Liu? 'Cos he's pretty and you're, yanno, a teenage girl," Kano scowls at the warrior who'd been attempting to just quietly enjoy his basket of fries. Both Cole and Alison are wearing similarly murderous expressions, and Kano raised his hands in mock surrender, dropping his gaze.

"Actually," Emily said pointedly, despite the embarrassed flush on her cheeks, though she was mirroring her parents intensity, "my favourite is Raiden because he's literally a God that shoots lightning out of his hands, and you're now my least favourite because you're a rat bastard."

"I taught her that," Kung Lao was grinning from ear to ear, and when he and Emily look to each other, they share a definitive nod.

"How come he's allowed to teach her words like bastard?!" Kano demanded to know.

"Because you're a bastard," Sonya interjects.

Kano is thankfully quiet for the remainder of lunch, sulking at his end of the table as chatter returns to normal, returns to talk of how everyone else had been enjoying the day.

----

At the end of the day, Kano shoves a large, stuffed kangaroo at Emily that he'd won at the booth where you had to knock over bottles.

"Didn't even use me eye or anything; lost an hour of my life and fifty fuckin' dollars," he was grumbling, while Emily was examining the prize.

"You won this?" She seemed endeared by it, endeared by the thought that he'd put the time into winning it for her.

"'course I won it, can I stop being your least favourite now?" He asked, and Emily tucked the kangaroo beneath her arm, giving him an appraising look.

"You can't buy my loyalty -"

"Wouldn't want it if it could be bought, I know that shit from experience," Kano interjected, crossing his arms defensively, ignoring where Cole was glowering at him every time he swore.

"But you put time in, and effort, so you're back to third with everyone else."

"As long as none of those bastards is beating me, I'm okay with that."

As they headed to the exit, to where Raiden had created a lightning portal for them all to go home through, Emily reached out and punched Kano lightly in the shoulder.

"Thanks, Kano, it's pretty sweet that you care so much."

"Don't tell the others," he grumbled back.

"We've been with you all day," Jax calls out, "we already know."

[sugar-petals]

18+ Tarot Reading: BTS In Bed

↳ Caro’s Note › decks out for the end of spooktober! here goes a different type of content aka my lil’ hobbyhorse. even if you’re new to tarot or find it quirky, i hope i can interest a curious soul or two. late september i gave in to temptation and pulled 5 cards for yoongi, asking what sexual style he could have. it was so much fun i did it for ot7 & want to share the results with you. besides listing the card names i don’t use tarot-specific terms so anybody can understand. i also scanned the spreads so you can see the imagery i take clues from. ignore that they’re labeled in german, it’s all in english below. enjoy! 

⇢ disclaimer ♡ this is subjective interpretation; there’s no guarantee for precision and things aren’t definite. divination relies on perspective, believing in tarot is a choice. the reading is for entertainment purposes only, all portrayals are fictive/speculative. 

WARNINGS ⚠️ smut ahead, not suited for minors.

↪ kim taehyung

⌈ THREE OF CUPS ⇁ romantically, more parties could be involved than just two. he might meet his partner in autumn. there will be a lot of upbeat and luxurious activity around sex, especially drinking and eating. his partner could feed him delicious fruits for dessert. 

⌈ QUEEN OF PENTACLES ⇁ taehyung likes to be taken care of. sex might go down in the kitchen. his partner likely has the same vintage fashion sense as him, perhaps even more extravagant. taehyung could become shy but his lover will dissolve all doubts. 

⌈ FIVE OF WANDS ⇁ playfights or roughhousing are common, as is copious teasing and making jokes, it’ll be lighthearted. particularly in a group sex setting, this tendency will come out. sex standing up or even one carrying the other might take place.

⌈ QUEEN OF SWORDS ⇁ his lover can be assertive. it could be a battle of the wits. teasing is all good and well, but at one point, it���ll get serious. he’s the type to really enjoy sex in marriage, particularly with female partners (three cards in his pile have women with long veils).  

⌈ THE HIGH PRIESTESS ⇁ sex is intuitive. he’ll be head-in-the-clouds, almost dreamy in the sheets. he prefers to do it at nighttime. taehyung might often find himself indecisive between trying two new things, eventually deliberating to choose either: the more, the merrier. 

↪ park jimin

⌈ JUDGEMENT ⇁ bragging about his partner isn’t rare, as a fan of praise he also loves to praise right back. when jimin has sex, his friends will know. it’s something he can’t hide, deliberately or not. he’ll have a lasting positive reputation for sex and many suitors.

⌈ EIGHT OF WANDS ⇁ toys, toys, toys. also: jimin needs it fast, one position can sometimes suffice. he makes it so good and cuts to the chase, foreplay won’t draw out. drives it home like no other. might get it on with his partner on a plane or in a car, again, speed is key.

⌈ SIX OF SWORDS ⇁ jimin often moves from one kink to the other. he enjoys deep and tireless penetration, can go on for a long time. to him, sensuality is relief and a restart for the next day. might like sex on ships (yachts, sailing boats, cruise liners) or by the water.

⌈ SIX OF CUPS ⇁ jimin can create an almost fairy tale-like life for his partner. he’ll woo them with flowers. he enjoys sex in the countryside and at daytime. there, it will be playful, spontaneous, and often vanilla. it’ll elicit a lot of his innocence and bring both partners great joy.

⌈ QUEEN OF WANDS ⇁ he likes energetic, determined, and bold partners who are social butterflies just like him. summertime is jimin’s favorite season to make love. a vacation in a hot country (i’m getting egypt from the card) will ignite a lot of sensual activity.

↪ kim seokjin

⌈ THE MAGICIAN ⇁ the type to give roses to his partner in a gentlemanly way, but he’ll also be cheeky. loves using many toys at once, particularly at the beginning of a relationship or during foreplay which can get very heated. does multiple rounds, perhaps on a table. 

⌈ FIVE OF CUPS ⇁ cum has to spill over. any play with semen and saliva excites him. it has to be messy. there might be one partner who’s into contortionism. any stimulation of the back is possible, or positions that involve looking at his back in its full glory. 

⌈ PAGE OF SWORDS ⇁ sex is always dynamic, jin likes quickies. things are guaranteed to rarely stagnate, he keeps it all moving. sometimes, he might enjoy engaging in a one-night-stand via online services, or meet a permanent sexual partner through a respective app. 

⌈ THE HERMIT ⇁ might masturbate a lot in the evening when he has time for himself in a dark room. even if sex is frequent, there will be days to recharge. jin loves cooling off after pleasing his lover. the card also tells me that he’s got a long dick that he knows how to use.

⌈ EIGHT OF PENTACLES ⇁ could meet his partner at work. sex means business. puts effort into all things intimate. fucks good, can really make a nailing save the afternoon. like jimin, jin might have an affinity for sex in rural areas. it could happen on vacation close to a village. 

↪ min yoongi

⌈ THE EMPRESS ⇁ scent and taste are important to yoongi. he’ll set up a lot of pillows, candles, cook nice food and bake. he likes a person who’s really feeling themselves. always winds up with calm, and dignified partners who have a lot to offer and a ton of sex appeal.

⌈ NINE OF WANDS ⇁ big on defining boundaries and fairness. resilient lover. likes rough sex/playing hide and seek with his partner as a form of foreplay. a hunter or huntress-prey dynamic might be part of his repertoire, although he might be hesitant to suggest it. 

⌈ ACE OF WANDS ⇁ yoongi is potent. the guy can keep his cock hard for you. no issues with staying power. enjoys handjobs and primal sex to the max, has a lot of semen for his partner. any penetration is going to end up refreshing and fiery. prone to morning wood. 

⌈ TEN OF SWORDS ⇁ he wants to be pinned down, wrestled, defeated. penetration by several men or toys is possible. he likes doing anal. a position that will occur often is prone bone. sex might take place during late dawn. yoongi also loves to fuck during thunderstorms.

⌈ SIX OF PENTACLES ⇁ a giver, but also knows how to appreciate being pleased on the other hand. one partner will be kneeling or begging, with the dominant party being jovial to the submissive. sex wrapped in blankets might take place, in that case, a third party joins. 

↪ jung hoseok

⌈ PAGE OF CUPS ⇁ hoseok likes to get it on in the shower, bathtub, the sea, or a pool. hoseok admires his partner, there will be a lot of body worship involved. he is curious about a variety of kinks and is likely very creative with postions. his partner will never be bored.

⌈ TEN OF WANDS ⇁ unafraid of strenous romps. he’ll mobilize all his endurance to please. especially after a long day, he’s still ready to give his lover everything. nobody has to worry about not being satisfied, there will be release. hobi is responsible, especially with protection.

⌈ KING OF CUPS ⇁ he knows how to make sex and relationships work out like a pro. loves to make his partner hot and bothered, dripping wet. hoseok is the number one guy to splurge on lube and vibrators. will fancy wearing necklaces or other jewelry during sex. 

⌈ TWO OF SWORDS ⇁ he’s a big fan of orgasm denial, giving or receiving is possible. there might be blindfolding involved, or one orders the other to stay completely still while pleasing them. hoseok likes to have sex sitting up, particularly on a chair. 

⌈ NINE OF SWORDS ⇁ hobi will dream about making love a lot. waking up in the middle of the night and going down on each other won’t be a rare occasion, especially when either partner is stressed. sex in pjs happens often. loves to have his face cupped and fondled. 

↪ kim namjoon

⌈ FOUR OF SWORDS ⇁ a part of him needs to rationalize sexuality, rm takes time to retreat and think things over in silence every now and then. as far as positions are concerned: he’ll be on his back a lot of times. it’s the most comfortable to him. might enjoy erotic art on the walls. 

⌈ WHEEL OF FORTUNE ⇁ sexting is a huge forte. also, he might read erotic books or know a lot about sex in mythology. he tends not to initiate, things develop naturally— namjoon’s appearance and charisma bring it all to him, he doesn’t have to crook a single finger. 

⌈ THREE OF PENTACLES ⇁ joon will do a lot of planning around sex. he might write down a list with kinks to try. there might be an old and sophisticated building involved, or sex on a bench. clothed sex could be his thing, dry humping, threesomes, making out in the dark. 

⌈ FOUR OF CUPS ⇁ has sensual daydreams, could be oblivious to actual advances. masturbates a lot. again, there’s a connection to nature, intimacy outside might take place. likes to be woken up by his partner’s hands gripping him. sleepy sex is frequent.

⌈ EIGHT OF CUPS ⇁ there’s a certain calm to his style. escapism is a frequent topic, sex brings him to a different time and place. he likes to fuck with the moonlight coming through the window (yes, the tarot knows he’s a moonchild), or when he hikes with his significant other.   

↪ jeon jungkook

⌈ KING OF SWORDS ⇁ jk might enjoy giving or receiving butterfly kisses. he is confident and smart with sex, or enjoys someone who embodies these qualities. intercourse is something he takes seriously and likes to be 100% clear about what he wants to do. 

⌈ ACE OF PENTACLES ⇁ big on stroking, caressing, tickling, mutual masturbation. hands are so, so important. all things lavish in the bedroom are great. he is very keen to establish a constant in his life that involves regular sex. hasn’t to be asked twice, he takes chances. 

⌈ THE SUN ⇁ jungkook craves harmony and romance in bed. smiling is important during sex. physical contact brings him tremendous happiness, jungkook is carefree when he’s naked. might enjoy warm places for sex, maybe a sauna or hidden garden. favorite position: riding.

⌈ DEATH ⇁ meeting a sexual partner wil reprogram his entire life. it’ll be like rebirth. jungkook will stop at nothing to create a good time and discard a lot of old habits that get in the way. because he’s a keeper. sex isn’t just sex, his partner will impact him greatly. 

⌈ TEN OF PENTACLES ⇁ spends generous amounts of money on intimate activities. it’ll be the good life, making love is wholesome. all erotic things can easily be discussed in relaxed, domestic settings. will be sexually active for a long time in life.

× end note feel free to ask any questions 👋 the deck i used is the classic rider-waite one, no card reversals. i might do a post like this in the future should i pull another relevant reading. if you’d like to learn tarot yourself or want an overview of the cards, i can link you resources, just give me a quick shout. 

[nadana-vhet]

Champagne

Pairing(s): Unrequited AlphinaudxFem!WoL, Minor AlisaiexFem!WoL Rating: General Audiences When the Scions are invited to a celebratory ball to commemorate the end of the Dragonsong War, Warrior of Light N’adana Vhet loathes the idea of being the center of attention. She only wants to have this night so that she can be a normal kid - the chance to act like herself - for once.

Cross-Posted to Ao3.

Hi all! This is my first fic, I’ve had the idea of a Teen!WoL knockin’ around in my brain for a while and this became a 3AM fever dream. I just am love with the idea of a WoL the same age as the twins and the three of them dealing with the weight of the world on their shoulders! And in which Alphinaud has a mondo crush on the WoL because we all know he has a thing for catgirls *cough* y’shtola *cough*

Champagne

Tataru pinned the last of N’adana’s red curls in place, making sure the miqo’te’s thick hair stayed in place before stepping back to admire her handiwork. “There, that’s the last of them!”

  N’adana stood from her spot on the floor, carefully picking up the skirts of the dress Count Edmont had commissioned to be custom-made for the Warrior of Light. It was tulle of muted light green with impossibly puffy sleeves that hung off her shoulders and cinched in at her wrists.

  N’adana had insisted that Count Edmont needn’t go through all the trouble after the Scions had received an invitation from Ser Aymeric, graciously asking them to attend a celebratory ball. “This is your first Ishgardian ball, my dear! I must make sure the guests of my house are well taken care of.” He had been ragged the past few weeks, his eyes bloodshot and his mannerisms sluggish, which one were to expect, considering the loss of…

“Besides,” he had smiled softly at her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, “you are akin to a daughter to me – a daughter I have never had. Please, allow me this.”

  The lalafell had been pampering her all afternoon, doing her makeup and picking out jewelry in a rush of excitement. “Tataru, you needn’t-“

“Hush, you! Come here, I have one final touch.” N’adana obediently knelt back down as Tataru pulled out a length of silk ribbon, the same color and fabric as the layers that were sewn to the innermost layers of her skirt. “I asked the seamstress for a scrap of this gorgeous fabric! I thought it would look pretty if you used it like a necklace!”

N’adana surrendered a smile at the thoughtfulness of her friend. Tataru leaned up to tie the ribbon delicately around her throat, tying it in a manicured bow and adjusting it to perfection. “Perfect! Oh, N’adana, you look absolutely beautiful! Go look for yourself!” Her hands flew up excitedly as the miqo’te stood again and made her way over to the full-length mirror on the other side of the room.

Her breath caught as she got her first full look at herself all afternoon, and for a moment she didn’t recognize the reflection staring back at her. If you took away her armor and put her in something light, it turns out the Warrior or Light was almost delicate. Her red hair was tamed and curled into manicured ringlets, tucked back and pinned in ways that framed her round face. The warm green of her dress matched her eyes, and by the Twelve, Tataru had even put makeup on her.  The scars on her arms from countless battles were blurred and hidden by the semi-translucent fabric of her sleeves, and for a moment she felt like a normal teenager. She got to dress up in a pretty gown and let loose, even for just a single night. She could convince Thancred to try a sip of his champagne before finding Alphinaud in the crowd and making silly faces at him while he tried to have political conversations with Ishgardian nobles.

Just for tonight, she could just be a kid at a party.

  She had requested as much from Ser Aymeric when they arrived, who graciously agreed and allowed this one night of solace for the young Warrior of Light. When he introduced the Scions to the crowd that night, he did so as a group, his short speech vague enough to leave it up to interpretation which one of them was truly the famed Warrior of Light.

Thankfully, most of the speculation fell to Thancred, who was more than eager to soak up the attention of the beautiful noblewomen that held onto his arm and offered him drinks. No one paid any mind to the elezen twins and the young miqo’te who were thankful to shirk their duties for the night. None of those plucky teenagers could possibly be the Warrior of Light, or so the crowd assumed, so at least they were free for the time being. The trio spent the evening stuffing their face with food, though Alphinaud periodically ran off to speak with some stranger or another. Alisaie and N’adana kept close to the edge of the ballroom, seated on a plush bench under an elaborate curtain of blue fabric.

“He was waxing poetic about how beautiful you look tonight, you know.” Alisaie mentioned, popping a piece of chocolate in her mouth and raising an eyebrow at N’adana. She was dressed for the occasion, too, in a dress of red velvet that was comfortable enough to allow her still-healing wounds to be bandaged and unrestrained underneath her loose bodice.

“Ah, I… figured. He was stuttering like an idiot when he saw me.” N’adana admitted sheepishly, the answer making Alisaie tilt her head in surprise. “We talked about it when we were traveling with Estinien and Ysayle.” She answered the question before it was asked, her voice catching on Ysayle’s name as she remembered her late friend.

“And?” Alisaie prompted further, an eagerness in her voice at the prospect of her brother having manned up enough to tell her about his affections.

N’adana shrugged, “I don’t feel the same,  and I told him as much,” she admitted quietly, leaning back against the wall and picking a skewered cube of lamb from her plate, expensively seasoned and impossibly moist. She conveniently left out the why, especially since Alisaie was becoming such a close friend after rejoining them. It wasn’t as if she was crushing on her, exactly, but she feared her friend would look at her differently if she knew that she didn’t hold affections for any man. She never would.

Once Alisaie realized she wasn’t getting any more answers out of N’adana, she begrudgingly dropped the topic. “I would not wish my brother’s incessant nagging on anyone. I pity the woman whom he manages to charm one day,” she chuckled, popping another sweet morsel into her mouth. Her entire plate was filled with cakes and chocolates, and N’adana worried the elezen would make herself sick with all the sugar she was shoveling down her throat.

“Did you eat any real food today?” N’adana teased.

“Yes, mother.” Alisaie rolled her eyes, side-eyeing the miqo’te as she popped another chocolate into her mouth.

N’adana just chuckled and reached over to swipe one of the many assorted chocolates off Alisaie’s plate, who protested fiercely as the warrior bit down on the caramel-filled dessert. “…Want to go sucker Thancred into letting us try the champagne?”

A conspiratorial grin spread across Alisaie’s face, but before she could answer, Tataru strolled up in her pink taffeta gown and caught them red-handed. “No you don’t!” The lalafell reprimanded them with her hands on her hips.

“We just want a sip, Tataru!” N’adana hummed towards her favorite secretary, but Alisaie left her out to dry.

“I was going to decline. I am wont to partake in the sinful liquid.” Alisaie dramatically turned up her nose, which only made N’adana scoff in disbelief.

What a traitor!

However, Tataru wasn’t one to fall for Alisaie’s antics. “Likely story! How about instead of scheming and getting yourselves into trouble, would it kill you to, I don’t know, try dancing?”

N’adana grinned, putting her food to the side and leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. “Well, if someone were to ask me to dance, mayhaps I would.”

A courel-like smile spread across Tataru’s face, holding out her hand towards the Warrior with poise and formality. “Miss N’adana Vhet, may I ask that you accompany me in a dance?”

This is worse than the time she cornered me in that game of Triple Triad, N’adana thought to herself begrudgingly as she took Tataru’s hand and let her lead them to their doom. N’adana leaned down to take Tataru’s hands, and despite the few first, awkward steps, they decided to drop the silly formalities and simply sway with each other as they giggled and twisted their hips, pushing and pulling opposite hands back and forth in the most clumsy manner, surely unfit for such a high-class event.

Soon enough, N’adana felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around and was greeted by Thancred, his hair tied back and adorned in a sleek, black tuxedo. “I don’t mean to be rude, but may I steal your dance partner?” He asked politely, a characteristically roguish grin on his face as he glanced down at Tataru.

“Of course, Ser Waters.” N’adana chuckled, watching as Thancred simply picked Tataru up in one arm and swayed around the dance floor with her, likely talking about something or another in a manner that was fairly inconspicuous.

However, this left N’adana partnerless in the middle of the dance floor. Despite the truth of her title being hidden for tonight, there were plenty of Ishgardian nobles who would jump at the chance to speak with one of the Scions and try to speak about politics or trade deals or what-have-you.

Luckily, N’adana was saved as Alphinaud wordlessly grabbed her hand and pulled her into step with him, narrowly dodging a young elezen man who was nervously approaching her. “I apologize for not requesting a dance formally, but I am sure you shall forgive me once you learn that I spoke with that same man earlier – his entire countenance smells of onions.” Alphinaud crinkled his nose as he spoke lowly.

“You are forgiven, Alphinaud.” N’adana chuckled, fumbling as her friend patiently showed her a simple enough dance that didn’t make them look like utter fools. She watched his feet as best she could, clad in polished boots. The rest of him was adorned in a classy, thigh-length coat and fitted trousers. Alphinaud chattered about the various characters he had spoken with that night, sprinkling in jokes and the like, since he knew N’adana cared nothing of politics and nobility.

“Your sister told me what you said about me, you know.”

Alphinaud stumbled, catching himself awkwardly as he stuttered and tried to properly formulate a response. “I swear to the Twelve and all that is good-” he managed, shooting a harsh glance towards the bench where Alisaie had been sitting, but she was no where to be found.

“I’m glad she did.” N’adana smiled, trying to ease his worries. “Thank you, Alphinaud. I’m not afforded the luxury of feeling beautiful very often, so it’s… nice to hear sometimes, even if secondhand.”

Alphinaud lowered his gaze, searching her emerald eyes for any sense of mocking, but he found none. “I promise that you are beautiful all the time, even in the thick of battle.” He was nervous, but both their feelings had been let out in the open already. He would rather she know than to let herself believe that no one thought her beautiful.

N’adana blushed, her ears twitching and making the jewelry she wore jingle quietly at the sudden motion. “I appreciate it, Alphinaud,” she squeezed his hand, “You’re such a good friend, I’m sorry that I cannot return-“

Alphinaud cut her off with a shake of his head. “There is naught to apologize for, my friend. All I could ask for is to see you happy and safe.” 

N’adana sighed, closing her eyes for a few moments and letting herself follow the pattern they had repeated enough for her to follow it with ease. “And I for you, Alphinaud. I’m going to do everything in my power to see that you and the rest of our friends will always be so.” She opened her eyes and smiled at him, and despite her delicate appearance, the fierceness of her personality and conviction shone through in her promise.

An affectionate smile graced Alphinaud’s face, but before he could respond, Alisaie appeared behind N’adana and tapped her shoulder. “I believe you have hogged our friend for long enough, hm?��� She raised an eyebrow at her brother, “May I?” 

N’adana took Alisaie’s outstretched hand, giving Alphinaud a wave before letting Alisaie lead, as she was wont to do. “I apologize if I did not rescue you from his incessant chattering fast enough,” she chuckled.

“He hadn’t mentioned anything about promising trade deals opening in Ishgard for a few minutes, so you were actually more timely than you think. I’m sure he would have started up again at any moment.” N’adana returned her friend’s quip with a giggle of her own, “But really, it was a nice conversation. I don’t like to throw my friends under the carriage, unlike someone at this party.”

Alisaie gasped in mock offense, “You cannot be talking about me! How rude!” Her braid swished back and forth as they waltzed, and N’adana quietly noticed she had replaced her normal ribbon with a strand of velvet that matched her dress.  N’adana simply laughed again, bright and carefree, before Alisaie spun her around and let her dress twirl around her. 

“Now that Tataru isn’t around to chastise us,” N’adana glanced around to make sure they weren’t going to be caught by their chaperone for the second time that night, “now would you like to find someone who will let us try that champagne? I’m sure we’ll never have the opportunity to try something that expensive ever again.”

Alisaie nodded eagerly as they snuck away from the dance floor, finally tracking down Thancred and suckering him into grabbing a flute of champagne for the pair. “Fine, fine. Just this one, for both of you,” he insisted before returning to a particularly pretty elezen woman with jet black hair and impossibly long eyelashes. The two nodded in understanding, knowing Thancred would find out one way or another if they hadn’t done what they promised.

Narrowly avoiding Tataru, the pair plucked Alphinaud mid-conversation with the man who smelled of onions and found a fairly quiet place to themselves – a balcony on the second floor of Aymeric’s estate, which looked out onto the city of Ishgard. The stars lit up the sky as they watched the city below them bustle with evening activity, passing the flute of champagne between the three of them as they gossiped and giggled with one another.

It wasn’t long before they became chilled after the heat of dancing wore off, but Alphinaud jumped up and returned moments later with a blanket and Ser Aymeric de Borel himself.

“I am full glad to see the three of you enjoying yourselves,” the Lord-Commander handed them a luscious fur blanket, which Alisaie wrapped around their collective shoulders, keeping N’adana in the middle, for she had the thinnest attire between the three of them. The elezen man bowed to the young Scions, “Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Giving us this was more than enough of a gift, Ser Aymeric. Thank you.” N’adana smiled up at him, content for the moment. Her actions as Hydaelyn’s Chosen put such a kind-hearted and capable man in charge of a city that had become so dear to her. The Lord-Commander smiled softly at them before taking his leave, making sure the door to the balcony was cracked open so that they could return whenever they wished, if at all. 

The party went on without the Warrior of Light and her beloved Levellieur twins, too busy trading stories and wondering about how the city below them would grow and move on from the Dragonsong War. Alphinaud and N’adana told Alisaie about Haurchefant and his boundless loyalty, and Alisaie in turn spoke of the faces she had met on her adventures without them. They stayed like this long into the night when the moon was high in the sky and the streets below them had quieted, leaving them in a silence that was only filled by their laughter and friendship. 

[kaz3313]

Hell is in the Ink Machine

A new chapter? More likely then you think! 

Last Chapter https://kaz3313.tumblr.com/post/184813355633/hell-is-the-ink-machine

Inspired by @a-rae-of-sunshine

Susie Campbell knew she saw just the end of it but it was enough to get her legs running and her bare feet thumping the hardwood floor. It wasn’t long before she was yelling but who could blame her? She just saw Sammy being murdered by…Henry, was that his name?

It doesn’t matter what the murderer’s name is- what matters is the police are called and they stop him. Whoever it was he’d killed Sammy with out any show of emotion at all; remembering his deadpan expression Susie felt her body shiver again.

 Remembering that just sent the whole scene to replay in her brain again but it is only in fragments despite having happened only minutes ago. The axe connected with Sammy’s body multiple times before he dropped to the ground. Blood had begun to pool around him and seep in the floor like the ink that would often times leak from the pipes. She knew the guy had hit him more times while on the ground but her mind already began to block the memories for her own sanity. So the dark spaces filled whatever was between Sammy falling to the ground and her throwing her heels off and running away.

She holds a hand over her mouth as she feels the vomit creep up from her stomach. It’s pushed down as she continues her sprinting and lets up on her screaming.

Though not for long because before Susie comprehends the situation she feels a hand grab her shoulder. Lifting her purse and spinning around she slams it into the attacker expecting to see the large dark haired man that killed Sammy behind. Instead the Irish toy maker raises his arms in defense.

“Woah lass! Just tryin’ ta help,” he gave a small patient smile as he saw her distressed look “ I heard your screamin’ decided to investigate. Did a somethin’ happen? Any body try somethin’ nasty? Cause if any of ‘em work down here under me they’ll have some hell to pay!” Susie wasn’t sure if Shawn raises his voice so the other toy makers could hear him or if his voice was just getting louder naturally. Sammy always called Shawn a walking crescendo after all the nickname must have some sort of meaning.

Sammy…

Her adrenaline had taken over earlier that she never even had a chance to cry. So not on her accord her body convulses with sobs. Susie has to sit down for fear of falling over;Shawn sits next to her offering a hand she takes and squeezes.

“Alright, give me a name or description or whatever you can muster- I’ll teach him, or her, a few lessons on manners,” even with his voice softening he’s as loud as ever.

She meant to explain the situation but her voice wavers and is quiet; the only thing she could make out is a soft “Sa-Sammy,”

“Sammy, the cunt,” Shawn curses.

“N-no he got h-hurt, while he- When the-” now that was an understatement but her lips refuses to form the words died.

“Sammy, the brave idiot bastard,” Shawn corrects himself. “Ya need a handkerchief lass ‘cause the best I got is an old rag used fer paint but it should work well enough,” she nods taking the rag in her hand. The two sit there Susie continue to cry until her throat is scratched, eyes are desserts, mouth tastes like the saltiest ocean, and her nose has more snot dripping from it then a sick toddler .

“He got more then hurt Shawn. He’s- well he’s gone,” the word of gone falters and is no more than a whisper.

“What do ya mean- wait, he-” Shawn’s face turns from concern to horrified. “And you saw- oh god Susie! No wonder ya more of a reck then the Titanic!” He wraps his arm around Susie and she ends up burying her face in his shoulder. His jacket smells of alcohol and hotdogs but she doesn’t care; she just needs to be by someone.

“He was killed…. He was killed by someone that works here,” She feels Shawn’s body go stiff from the new found fear.

Wally does his best to keep Henry at bay, which in all honesty is much simpler than he thought it would be. All Henry wants to do is play cards in Toy Department break room, which he refers to as a safe house which coming from the one who’s been murdering people has a layer of irony, and Wally complies to the games. It’s odd that Henry has been referring to him as Boris but he hadn’t attacked Wally…yet. He couldn’t help but have his wits up so Wally kept his tool box near him.

Thomas always told him some tools could be used in multiple ways.

 After a few games of cards Henry gets up and states he’s going to bed (people pass out from exhaustion from time to time so Shawn brought in a few old hammocks). Wally nods but Henry takes a detour over to the door out and rips the switch off the wall without warning. Wally brought out a wrench out and held it behind his back. He’d rather Henry underestimate him so maybe he’ll have a chance of escape. Then Henry’s shoulders slump and he walks over to the room with the hammock.

“So, Henry, I uh…fixed that switch you broke and uh-“

“Hey buddy. Have you seen that lever handle around here? Or are you keeping it hostage until I make you something to eat?”

Now Wally should know better, Henry is an unhinged man that has been on a murder spree, but food is his weakness; and how bad can a murderers food be?

The little voice in the back of his head yelled Henry was going to poison him and an even quieter voice told him if Henry wants him dead he doesn’t need to use poison.

 Shawn guides the mourning voice actress to one of the storage rooms so she can get her bearings; it wasn’t safe in the middle of the hall with no sort of means of defense at least the storage room had shelves to push against the door if need be.

Susie squeezes his hand again and he peers back over at her. The under of her eyes still held a pink-red tinge but the puffiness of the initial tears had already begun to fade. Her expression was a range of emotions that ended up looking, at least from an outsider’s perspective, like one of a confused child.

“ Now here’s a nice stuffy place where we store all the toys and such. Actually pretty empty right now ‘cause we sent a new shipment out to stores- maybe a few plush here and there. The shelves can be used well ta keep us in safety. If ya can help me push ‘em against the doors I’d be appreciative but if ya need to sit down I don’t mind it none-“ He would’ve rambled on if she didn’t interpret him.

“What happened to the rest of my department? Jack, Johnny, Alison..? What about other animators? What about Wally?” She absently asks.

“Well I’m sure that- did ya say Wally?” Shawn feels a new sense of dread overcome him. Sure he didn’t like to hear about anyone getting hurt or being part of the possibly dead but…Wally especially.

“Yes, he tends to work downsword. So he starts cleaning in the animation department,” He already knew all this, Wally told him the even most droll parts of his day, but putting it in the context of a murder walking around it gave a whole new perspective.

“Well Susie, I’m gonna go see how everyone else is managing and try to get a proper…proper idea of the situation,” He states “You’re strong enough to get the shelves down,”.

“Shawn you can’t-“

“Susie, ya mean well you really do but I gotta go see if Wally’s alright. If I see others good but he’s just a trustin’ kind of person and,” Shawn shakes his head “ I gotta go save him,”

“I know you care about your friends but we have to keep ourselves alive or…we just have to trust they can survive too. And shouldn’t the police come here soon?” Her tears began to flow again and Shawn remembers that he found them talking to each other on more than one occasion, sharing stories and gossip.

“Susie…” he took a deep breath the two of them were going to keep it on the down low until next week but “Me and Wally are more than friends,”

“What do you me-“ She stops herself her eyes widening in realization “Shawn, I get it…if Sammy was in trouble I’d- I understand but…just…be safe please,” and with that she gives a last squeeze to his hand.

Henry and Wally were navigating the perfectly lit room with a flashlight. Wally just gives a hopefully-genuine-looking smile and follows. The machinery around them clunks and clanks but Wally barely noticies the noises having blocked them out a long time ago while working with Thomas. Wait, if he’s with Henry right now perhaps Tom and Alison are all right.

 A different sound interrupts; it’s one of following footsteps and it stops them both. Wally looks behind him and sees only a flash of a person; at least the person has the sense to leave in a hurry.

“You hear that?” A second passes Henry already walking away “me neither,”. It sounds so odd, Wally can’t help noticing, he talks so calmly for having killed most of his coworkers. He expected at some point to hear a hint of anger maybe, or sadness, but nothing was ever shown. He squints his eyes as if he truly is looking into the dark.

“Henry, where are you?” Maybe the reason Wally wasn’t attacked was so he could help? He didn’t really believe in that destiny stuff but maybe he could snap Henry out of this.

But Henry doesn’t reply; he just keeps chugging along his deadpan expression never changing.

“First the kid went and ran off ,the pipes are flooding again, and now this whole building is coming apart! And not only that but this time somebody snapped and is going around being the next Lizzie Borden,” Thomas says while kicking a few fallen boards away. Sweat drips off his face and he huffs and puffs.He feels Alison rub his shoulders and he closes his eyes.

“Tom, everything is gonna be alright. We’re going to find Wally, get ahold of some authority, and we’re going to leave,” she says continuing the massage.

“Dear, I love your optimism but…this is not a good situation and people are already dead and-“

“Henry is only one man, if we got everyone together we could easily overpower him if need be,” she states then adds “it’s a little hope but mostly facts,”

“If we get everyone together…hey that’s not a bad idea!” Tom exclaims and Alison giggles from his sudden enthusiasm. The two cheer and exclaim;they are lucky to have each other and forget about their dubious situation even for a minute.

Not everyone is so lucky.

No one would believe Norman Polk if he told the, about the mass murder in the previous departments; why would they? Henry was always the civil one, a little plain but he balanced Joey’s strangeness well. At least until he snapped and started killing all of the band with an already bloody axe; Norman would rather not think of whom he tested the axe on first.

All Norman needs to do is get away from that place, go as far down this elevator will take him. If it was any other day Norman would admire the quality of the elevator as he often did, Thomas did a good job installing it, but at the moment he just needed a minute to calm down. He couldn’t hide away on Level 14 forever but it could by him time while everyone else is fixing the situation. Seems a little cold but Norman is a little too old to be going after murderers. Though he reasons that he needs to work either way, how else was anything going to get done in this place, and Level 14 has projectors he needs to do upkeep on.

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply; just focus on work and not the bodies piled in the band room.

Upon leaving and getting a ways away from the storage space Shawn realizes he never got a proper description of the killer. He assumes covered in blood would be a telling sign but if the lad (or lass, did Susie ever specify?) is even a little smart he’ll change his clothes. Though anyone to just start attacking people out of the blue isn’t necessarily the brightest of the bunch.

“Great job Flynn; tryin’ to stay away from a killer who could look like anything,” He berets himself sighing “just keep focused and find Wally; sure by the time I find him this whole thing has passed over. And he probably wouldn’t even know anything happened,” he tries to chuckle at his partners obliviousness but a feeling that Wally was in trouble refuses to leave him.

Shawn continues to walk through his department hoping he’ll be able to pick out the murder if he sees him.

 Susie keeps trying to tell herself this is the stupidest theory she’s ever conjured up before. She keeps trying to ignore the thoughts whirling In her mind. She tells herself that she saw Sammy die.

“Or did you?” A little voice in the back of her cracks with hope. “You never went over and checked, perhaps he didn’t die, she thought but the realistic voice in her head retorts back,”

“He was hit with an axe at least three times; if he didn’t die from the blows surely from the blood loss. And when you left him he wasn’t moving. He’s dead. Now is the time to move on, one of the stages of grief is denial,” Her inner realist argues. She’s reminded of how his body fell to the floor and he was bleeding and the axe kept hitting him and his eyes were closed and he yelled and-

“So he wasn’t moving, Sammy is a smart man. If he acted dead he would stop being attacked. Let’s go find him,” Susie can’t help but listen to what little hope was in her heart and presses foreword. She didn’t need to stay in that stuffy storage room anyway.

Susie, in the span of less than ten minutes, is lost. She isn’t very familiar with the layout of the lower levels of the studio; actually until today she had only ever traveled as far as the Toy Department’s break room. Now she was wandering around looking for a likely dead man.

How hopeless is this mission? She asks herself feeling her eyes water once again. When would the tears ever sto-

She’s interrupted as a song plays, her own voice filling the empty room. Susie can’t help but whisper the lyrics under her breath, they were truly catchy; Jack is as good as a lyricist as Sammy is a music director.

A sudden click lights the room enough to reveals the contents of the it. A few pieces of Alice merchandise is scattered through the room and there is a large dusty window in the center of it where the light is emanating from; otherwise it’s as void as any other storage room down here. Maybe she could peer through the window up in the front, see if she recognizes anything. It’s a long shot but it can’t hurt to look.

For a unknown reason Susie’s stomachs twists into a knot and a chill passes her spine. She continues to whisper the lyrics; now her mind is just playing tricks on her. Certainly just another worker turned on the light, looking for a tool or supplies or

Her breath catches, mid-inhale, in her throat at the sight before her. It’s the man who murdered Sammy, staring directly at her.His visage still holds the same deadpan look, his mouth turned in a slight pout accompanied by half lidded eyes. It is a usual expression that fills the halls of the studio but with the added blood stains that cover him reveal a new depth. Susie steps back not even able to give a fake smile to the murder. His head tilts his dark hair falling to the side before he raises both his fists. She wishes to run but her legs stick to the floor like glue and her face twists to a horrified expression as the window is pounded to oblivion. The glass, the only thing separating the two rooms, shatters to the floor along with dripping blood. Susie fills her lungs and shrieks the highest pitch she’s ever reached; the last note of Alice’s song following right behind.

Her sudden screech doesn’t unfreeze her legs; that’s saved for when the bloody man attempts to walk but he trips on the glass covering the floor. Her body kicks into hard drive as she leaves to run from this man from the second time. Susie swears she heard him calling the name Alice after her but He doesn’t follow her.

At least not that she noticies.

[archerwindsor]

10 Of The Biggest Diet & Exercise Myths Of All Time – Debunked

In this article, we’re going to look at 10 of the biggest diet and exercise myths of all time.

And don’t worry if you’ve fallen for one of these yourself – I’m not calling you out. It happens to the best of us.

Instead, my intention is to dispel these diet and exercise myths so you avoid future pitfalls, get the results you want, and have more confidence in the decisions you’re making to boost your health, fitness and body shape.

Myth #1: Eating carbs means you gain weight

It’s probably not the first time you’ve been told or read you should ‘avoid carbs’ if you want to lose weight. The internet is littered with articles that stress the importance of ‘avoiding carbs after 6pm’ and describing how ‘carbs make you fat’.

Well, carbs have a bad rep. Carbs are not the enemy – here’s why.

First, let’s look at how you lose weight. All successful weight loss diets share one thing in common:

They create a ‘calorie deficit’.

If you eat less calories than your body needs, your body has no choice but to burn its stored energy for fuel, aka fat. This leads to weight loss.

Most of the time, it doesn’t matter whether you follow a high-carb diet or a low-carb diet. As long as you successfully create a calorie deficit, you will lose weight. Fact.

That said, there are some things to consider when eating carbs.

Carbs can lead to weight gain, but not necessarily fat gain. You’ll only gain fat if you eat too many calories. If you’re in a calorie deficit but notice the scales go up, it’s likely to be water weight.

For every carb you eat, your body holds onto 2-3g of water. So the weight gain on the scales is water, not fat. The other reason for an increase in weight is usually down to increased glycogen, which are carbohydrates stored in your muscles as fuel.

Weight fluctuations throughout the week are frequent, and just because you gain weight it doesn’t mean the weight you’ve gained is body fat.

Instead of letting the scales dictate your mood, focus on the factors you can control, such as creating a calorie deficit and being consistent. If you follow this path, weight loss is guaranteed.

Side Note: Low carb diets and carb cycling can be beneficial, especially if you have a lot of weight to lose, or are at risk of developing type 2 diabetes There’s nothing wrong with going low carb, but don’t think you can’t ever have carbs again because that’s just not true.

Remember: Carbs do not make you fat, eating too many calories does.

Myth #2: Gluten-free desserts are healthier

According to BBC News, it’s estimated that 8.5 million people in the UK have now gone ‘gluten free’. I remember going through a gluten-free dessert phase, where I would go to the ‘gluten-free section’ at the supermarket and pick up a bunch of tasty treats.

I remember once buying some gluten-free cookies and angel slices. They tasted great, but I was shocked to see the calories were just as high as standard cakes.

Gluten cannot be broken down efficiently by the body, and 1-100 people have coeliac disease (an autoimmune disease) where the body has a severe reaction to gluten. So cutting out gluten isn’t a bad thing, but just because you eat gluten-free desserts, it doesn’t mean they’re healthier.

For example, from a weight-loss perspective (and presuming you don’t have coeliac disease), what do you think would be more conducive towards achieving your weight loss goal..

a) A regular chocolate brownie? That’s 320 calories. b) A gluten-free chocolate brownie? That’s 340 calories.

Hopefully, if you read the first point in this article, you’ll realise that it’s calories that matter the most when it comes to weight loss, and that the lower-calorie brownie would be a better choice.

Though, probably, no brownie would be a little better.

Just kidding. Eat whatever you like, as long as you’re in that calorie deficit.

There’s nothing wrong with ‘gluten-free’ desserts, but be sure to check the calories and ingredients before buying.

Myth #3: The power of ‘fat-burning’ foods

Wouldn’t it be nice to go to a supermarket, pick up 20 fat-burning foods and then wake up the next day a stone lighter?

Spoiler: there’s no such thing as fat-burning food.

As we learnt at the start of this article, weight loss comes down to calories in vs calories out.

That said, some foods can be more beneficial when trying to lose weight. For example, protein-rich foods such as steak, chicken, and eggs are called ‘thermogenic foods‘, which means your body has to burn extra calories to break them down. Other thermogenic foods include:

Spices

Green tea

Coconut oil

If you combine a calorie deficit with thermogenic foods, you’re onto a winner.

Myth #4: Weight gain means body fat gain

You’ve eaten well all week, tracked your calories, trained at the gym five days in a row and you hop on the scales feeling optimistic. You’ve already imagined the numbers showing a net loss of 2-3lbs.

But you look down, and you’ve gained 2lbs.

Er, what?

You’ve done everything you’re supposed to do but you’ve gone backwards – how is this fair? It can leave you feeling deflated, frustrated, and wanting to throw in the towel.

The truth is your weight will fluctuate. Weight gain does not mean fat gain. Your body is composed of three main components: fat, lean body mass (muscle, bone, and organs), and water (60% of body weight).

There will be days when your body holds onto more water, for example, through hormonal changes with your body, such as the menstrual cycle for women. Nicholas Screeton, a body transformation coach at Lep Fitness, says it’s not uncommon for women to gain ‘up to 8-12lbs during a menstrual cycle’. It’s often only water weight and will disappear as quickly as it appears.

Myth#5: You need to eat protein straight after your workout

You’ve finished your weights workout and get chatting to your friend for 10 minutes. But then you panic because you’ve not had your protein shake.

There’s a myth, that still goes around the gyms today, that you need a protein shake straight after your workout. It’s false.

There’s no doubt that protein is a crucial ingredient for changing your body shape and speeding up recovery between workouts. That said, don’t worry too much about the post-workout window, but rather the bigger picture, i.e. what you eat over 24 hours.

And, for the record, if you do like a protein shake post-workout, there’s nothing wrong with this, but don’t stress on the rare occasions when you’ve left your shake at home, or have run out of protein powder.

Myth #6: Lifting weights makes you bulky

Thankfully there’s been a significant shift in the health and fitness industry over the last ten years. It used to be that guys lift heavy weights, and women jump around in lycra, do side leg lifts, and lift light weights for high reps.

What a load of BS.

We know that lifting weights doesn’t mean you’ll get bulky muscles. Yes, lifting heavy weights can have this impact, but 99.9% of people needn’t worry about this. Building bulky muscles doesn’t happen overnight – you have to have been training for a long time (often years), and be eating a ton of food.

Don’t fear that lifting weights will make you bulky. It’s usually the opposite – you’ll get leaner and more toned. Weight training is one of the best (arguably ‘the’ best) things you can do to transform your body shape and improve all components of fitness, from muscle tone, stamina, and mobility.

Myth #7: Cardio is best for weight loss

Yes, cardio is a great thing to do. A good cardio session can burn a whopping number of calories, improve your fitness, and leave you feeling elated from the surge of endorphins you get post-workout.

Cardio is important, but to say ‘cardio is the best for weight loss’ isn’t accurate.

Let’s go back to weight training.

You might not burn as many calories in weight training sessions, but the more muscle you can build, the more calories you’ll burn over 24 hours.

For the best results, it’s good to combine a mixture of resistance training with cardio. For example:

Monday: weights Tuesday: cardio Wed: weights Thursday: cardio Friday: weights Saturday: cardio Sunday: rest

The above is just an example. You can do fewer days per week or incorporate cardio at the beginning or end of your workouts.

Myth #8: Ab exercises can get you ripped abs

Imagine if you could do 100 sit-ups per day for the next 30 days and notice a bunch of stomach flab disappears – wouldn’t that be awesome?

But the reality is you could do 1,000 sit-ups per day for the next year (not advised!) and still not have a flat midsection.

Ab exercises are essential. A strong core will support your lower back and prevent injury.

That said, most people spend too long training abs thinking they’ll lose fat solely from their stomach. I’m afraid that following celeb ab workouts from magazines isn’t going to give you the most bang for your buck.

Instead of doing thirty different plank variations, and hundreds of crunches, you’d be better off focusing on compound exercises that burn lots of calories and build large muscle groups. For example:

Deadlifts Bench press Squats Lunges Split Squats Pull-ups Rows

The exercises above (done correctly) will naturally work your core and have a more significant impact on helping you to get a leaner midsection.

If you like, you can still throw in some specific core exercises either at the beginning or end of your workout, but spending more than 5-10 mins on specific ab work is often not the most optimal way to spend your time in the gym.

Myth #9: You have to suffer to lose weight

You see it in gyms all of the time:

People are pounding treadmills, sweating buckets, and making all sorts of grunting noises. There’s the famous saying ‘no pain, no gain’ – often interpreted as pushing yourself to the limit during every workout.

You don’t need to suffer in order to lose weight.

If all you were to do is create a calorie deficit and increase your daily steps, and you did that for the next three months, you would lose lots of weight. Yes, really – you can lose weight without making yourself throw up.

The more aggressive you go with both your diet and exercise, the more you will suffer. For example, most people will go from doing zero or little exercise to doing 5-7 workouts per week.

They will also go from eating and drinking anything they like (and usually in high quantities) to then living off chicken salads and less than half of their regular daily calories.

This is a recipe for failure and suffering, but it doesn’t have to be this way. You can still create a calorie deficit, but a smaller and more sustainable one (100-200 calories) per day and do it over a more extended period.

The quicker you want results, the more you’ll have to suffer, and the more likely you’ll be to fall off track. If you starve your body and go too aggressive with your diet and exercise, you will likely run into trouble. How many times have you tried an extreme diet, to later fall off the bandwagon and binge?

Remember, weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.

Myth #10: The more you train, the better the result

More equals better right? And practice makes perfect?

This is not entirely true when it comes to working out. Your training results and progress will all depend on how quickly you recover. Trying to train at 100% effort and every single day is a recipe for disaster, fatigue, and injury.

Rather than looking at frequency alone, it’s important to assess the following:

Recovery: are you fresh for each workout, or are you going into each session tired, sore, and fatigued? If so, read these seven easy tips that will speed up your recovery.

Performance: are you getting stronger, fitter, improving your reps, speed and time?

It’s not so much about quantity but quality. Once you’ve assessed those things, you can then make the right decisions about how often you train.

The post 10 Of The Biggest Diet & Exercise Myths Of All Time – Debunked appeared first on Food For Fitness.

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[apairofcrepeswiththerarestape]

I did not super enjoy last week's recipe! I also did not enjoy finally throwing out the leftovers a few days ago! They were extremely disgusting! And there were a lot of them! Turns out that a home of two cannot eat dessert for ten before said dessert becomes haunting reminder of the impermanence of all things! I’ve found though that when I run into (and by run into I mean make by own choice) a recipe that bums me out I go back to my culinary lodestar, heaven’s starch, the potato. I also hadn’t made a potato dish since I figured out that the knob on our oven was 2016 polling data level of inaccurate (sorry guys, the personal is the political and my oven is very personal). ALSO, it was a night that was not 100000000000 degrees with 200000000000% humidity AND we had gotten a ton of potatoes from our CSA. ALL THIS COMBINED to lead me to an all time favorite dish, the only for special occasions in my house growing up, Gratin Dauphinois aka Scalloped Potatoes with Milk, Cheese, and a Pinch of Garlic aka Cheese Topping from the Dauphine Region! I was very excited to finally make this but I had run out of my regular pills that had allow me to digest dairy without pain for me and anyone in my localized area but had bought some generic lactaid so it was role of the dice! As I said, we got a bunch of potatoes from our CSA and this dish is legit just potatoes, milk, butter, cheese, salt, and pepper so shopping was a breeze. I walked to the fancy for our neighborhood supermarket I picked up milk and cheese as we had the rest of that jazz at home. I went with gruyere because I like it and it is from Switzerland and that's how I'm interpreting "swiss cheese" now. No holes, I know, but can we all agree that what is thought to be "swiss cheese" is kind of gross to cook with. On a hot sandwich? Very good! Baked in an oven? Kind of a nightmare! Also my nod towards swiss, Jarlsberg, isn't even from Switzerland, it's from dang Norway! I wasn't even faking getting swiss cheese right!  Anyway I got the gruyere and some whole milk and then the generic lactaid and a face mask at a local pharmacy because I thought I'd try those out now and then went home. My partner was home so we split up the duties on prepping the 2 pounds of potatoes, I washed and peeled and she cut them into 1/8 inch slices (I didn't measure because we have a relationship based on trust). We soaked them for a little while in some cold water for a reason that I'm sure was important but I cannot figure out because we just drained them and then I had to dry like a bazillion 1/8 inch potato rounds with a towel. While I did that my partner rubbed our usable on top of the oven and in the oven baking dish with a half a clove of garlic. Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child is really into leaving you with half cloves of garlic and it is very very cool. Next she rubbed the pan with 1 tablespoon of butter and then she grated 1 cup of the gruyere. I was still drying potatoes when she finished, I understand the importance to drying some foods so they cook properly but I very much do not enjoy doing it. Then it was time for everything to go into the economically buttered but wastefully garliced baking dish. The half the potatoes went down in the dish first, then half the cheese, then 1 1/2 tablespoons butter, then what was actually 1/2 tablespoon of salt because of some sort of very specific learning disability that prevents me from reading the difference in the abbreviations of tablespoon and teaspoon, and then a few cranks of the pepper mill. I repeated the process, minus the salt, then boiled a cup of milk and poured it over everything. I turned the burners on the stove and let it all simmer for a minute before putting the dish into the top third of an oven set to 425 degrees. We let the potatoes go for 25 minutes and started watching the season finale of Claws, a show that both makes me never want to go to Florida and allows me to mention Dean Norris' "Sex Gifs" tweet (perhaps the greatest tweet that remains online now that the legendary beans in a movie theater one has been deleted) multiple times per episode. After 25 minutes I looked in on our potatoes and decided they needed 5 more minutes, during which we watched more Claws. After a full 30 minutes I took the potatoes out and they looked like I wanted to live inside them for the rest of my life. THE POTATOES WERE SO SO SO SO SO SO GOOD! I wished we had made double the recipe because we finished those potatoes before the end of Claws (what a cliffhanger! Also, seriously, please make Dean Norris say "Sex Gifs" next season) and they would've made for some excellent leftovers. They were salty and cheesy and potato-ey and had some great texture stuff going on. They brought back memories of special occasions in my family and those memories were not that I had to sit across from my uncle who's breathing was very audible and chewed with his mouth open (an offense that got me sent to a seperate room to eat in and is still crazy annoying to me in other people to this day (OH MY GOD, maybe my punishment for doing it has led me to hate it in others? Perhaps, HOLY MOLY, our most bitter memories as a child imprint upon us the behaviors that anger us the most as adults? OH SNAP, maybe I took one semester of psychology in college!?)). If you are even remotely interested in potatoes or cheese or both I HIGHLY RECOMMEND MAKING THIS DISH! IT IS EASY! IT IS DELICIOUS! Go forth and make Gratin Dauphinois aka Scalloped Potatoes with Milk, Cheese, and a Pinch of Garlic aka Cheese Topping from the Dauphine Region! But probably wait till it isn't so hot out and also till you've gotten your regular digestive enzyme back because the generic stuff from Duane Reade is much less effective! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! #tdandjulia #masteringtheartoffrenchcooking #juliachild #gratindauphinois #scallopedpotatoeswithmilkcheeseandapinchofgarlic #cheesetoppingfromthedauphineregion #potatoismylodestar #imperminance #enzymediadigestgold #yougetwhatyoupayforwhenitcomestoyourguts #gruyereisswiss #onesemesterofpsychology #claws #deannorris

[mittieperez1-blog]

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[hineini]

dietary discussions

God only knows: depending if you have a certain tone while asking anything linked to diet, your questions will be received very differently and understood differently.

Prior to my Seder Tuesday evening, Julie was asking if I could distinguish between discern and judge. Definitely so; to discern something means simple awareness something is different,while judging something means understanding that difference to be something negative and making your perspective to that effect known. According to her, a decent number of people I've always perceived as judging the fact I’m vegan due to their unrelenting questions that basically leave me wanting to scream that I don’t have any kind of eating disorder are simply demonstrating they can discern that my diet is different. If only it was so...driving someone nuts through indirectly asking why they haven’t died (due to assumptions and stereotypes linked to protein above all else; it feels like a minor miracle if I’m asked about calcium) isn’t exactly anything I’m able to interpret like that.

To contrast completely, pretty much anything students ask me about my diet has some potential to leave me smiling due to their innocence and sweet optimism. While I was on the job yesterday, one class in the special education hall cooked a large meal for everyone, involving some turkey, carrots, corn, mashed potatoes and carrot cake. I’m hardly sure why the corn was the only vegetable to remain vegan, especially since one of the students is vegan, but that’s a mini-digression. I was eating my quinoa and apple as usual and a student asked why I wasn’t eating the meal with them. Coming out as a vegan was boringly easy since she has some familiarity with it (again, due to Logan), then I half-joked with her, “Perhaps you could say I’m eating the meal with you; it’s not as if I’m banished to a different space to eat anything due to my dietary difference or anything.”. Trying to improve her understanding, she asked for a gentle reminder about anything veganism involves so I put as simply as possible: if an animal was involved in making anything to eat or drink, I don’t eat or drink it. “Do you think you’d get sick if you drank milk or ate egg?” Hmm. Chances are excellent I’m lactose-intolerant by now since I went vegan more than a decade ago so it’s safe to assert I’d get sick if I ate or drank dairy. I doubt an egg would make me sick if I ate it but let it be known I couldn’t stand the texture so if I ate egg at all years ago, it was hidden in dessert rather than something I ate directly. She then proceeded to ask if I ate any chocolate at all and I was happy to reassure her I’ve been known to savour some high-quality dark chocolate on occasion since it’s a delicious treat that can accommodate pretty much anyone. Her sweet response to that was to ask if I can drink chocolate milk. She was disappointed to learn that it remains diary despite its chocolate flavour and so I don’t drink it. Hardly sure why it was that she asked if I consume white chocolate given that its colour to due to large amounts of milk being put in but I will give her credit for her attempt to ensure I’m able to enjoy as many sweet treats as I can. Goes to show: students want to fight dietary heterosexism as much as they can and want to ensure queer folk are as included as possible. They could sure teach certain adults a lesson on that level if some folk felt able to listen.