#i know im thinking irrationally cause of whats happening and i know i cant go baclwards anymore but part of me is so wound up and wants to

[schizosupport]

Hi! I never send asks I'm sorry if this is weird or awkward? I'm just sitting in a mental health ward right now and trying to figure out whats going on.

So I've had mental health problems for a decade now but the past week is the first time my paranoia and things have ever gotten this bad, it felt like there were creatures? shadow people? in my apartment and i was only safe if i stayed totally still and silent cause then they couldnt hurt me, i kept seeing them out of the corner of my eyes, and it just wasnt safe to touch the floor or look in mirrors in the same way your brain wont let you touch a hot stove and no one seems to understand when i explain that its just not safe i cant do it and i cant explain. Is there a word for that? i dont understand any of this.

But it just kept getting worse and worse until my friend called the police on me and they took me to the hospital. ive calmed down now and realize it wasnt real but it FELT real and I feel like im going insane and don't know what to do, theyre saying its micropsychosis because of my bpd and because its supposedly bpd they dont know if they can help with meds but i dont feel like i can function like this, i know it gets bad again when im alone and i live alone and no one here seems to understand anything about psychosis at all, they keep giving me pamphlets on anxiety and breathing exercises (helpful but not what I need-what do i do when im seeing things? when something feels unsafe do i force myself to do it anyways as exposure therapy? or treat it like its real and try and calm down that way?) And basically i was wondering if you have any advice? or even reliable places to read more to learn about psychosis or micropsychosis or whatever this is? i just know its terrifying and im scared and dont feel like i can talk to anyone about it. Sorry this got so long!

Hi there!

It sounds like you had a really scary episode of paranoia, I'm sorry that happened to you! It's definitely recognizable to me as an experience, and I completely understand why you are scared of being that irrationally afraid again. It's very scary to lose control of your own mind in that way.

It always sucks when the MH professionals around you don't seem to quite understand your difficulty. While they may be right that this sounds like it could be an episode of "micro psychosis" that could be associated with bpd (or other disorders), that doesn't mean that it isn't a type of psychosis and that you can't benefit from resources geared more at that.

I would say about medication that the professionals may be reluctant around antipsychotic medication, because those are very side effect heavy medications, but if you continue to have experiences like this, it's not to say that it couldn't be worth it for you. Everyone responds very differently.

As for how to "deal with it" it's honestly very hard, especially in the beginning, and it's not something I can easily summarize in my current state and everyone is very different. But I think that trying to find things that make you feel more safe in the moment is important, even if it's "silly". Like for me, if I'm having a bad time when I'm going to sleep, I'll sleep with my lights on to avoid the worst of the paranoia. And I know some people have a teddy they consider protective, stuff like that. It might seem like "leaning into the crazy", but I don't personally think that it's harmful to use the "crazy" logic of these episodes to find a bit of comfort as well.

I hope that you can start to feel more safe.. and if this continues or gets worse I hope you can find some help from the professionals in your life.. otherwise I recommend looking for communities of others with similar experiences.

I hope this answer finds you well,

Glitch

[violetnotez]

HC: BNHA Boys x Reader who is Going Through a Break Up

@Dekulover555: Hey can I get a request so my boyfriend has just broken up with me randomly could you do head cons or a story of the bhna boys as the best freind who was there when he broke up with her and the best freind ends up kissing them and the boys have had a crush on this girl for a long time?

Omg babes Im sorry you had to deal with that, that just sucks I’m so so sorry! I hope these make you feel better in some way- I wrote these as HC and 4 of the BNHA boys for ya! And um kinda forgot to put the kissing part in- but i hope you like these regardless!

 Also- that is literally such a crappy thing to do… me and Bakugo gonna beat him up for ya dont you worry! >:(

(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

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IZUKU

You and Deku were having a quick study session in his room, him quizzing you on hero terms as you racked your brain to remember the definitions

Your phone suddenly buzzed- making him jump: he was so focused on just you, and how adorable you looked when you were concentrating hard, and the fact he had a girl in his room-kinda startled him out of his over reactive thoughts

You gave him a swift sorry, laughing softly because it was literally written on his face that he was freaked out by the sound, making him blush- he loved your laugh so much

The instant you read the message on your phone, your face just dropped in horror

“Hey I know this is a shitty thing to do but I think we need to break up”

You kept staring at the screen, feeling the world around you crumple- what did you even do? Why was he breaking up with you so suddenly?

Your hand was covered around your mouth, trying to choke back the tears

“Y/n…..y/n!” Izuku asked in a panic, freaking out inside- what happened to you to change your demeanor that fast

 “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Please talk to me!”

“He...he...he broke up with me, Izuku,” you sniffled, the tears flowing down your cheeks 

Izuku stared at you, completely stunned and full of anger. He was just disgusted he wouldn’t even give you the decency to do it in person, let alone just leave you confused on why.

 how could your boyfriend do that to you! You were so kind, and sweet, and so lovable....in his eyes, you were the most perfectly imperfect person and he had fallen for you hard.

 “I dont even know what I did-” you cried in confusion, “Did I do something wrong? I-”

He immediately wrapped you in a hug, his warm embrace making you feel more vulnerable (which is good- feelings are valid and Broccoli Boi will take care of u!)

“This isn’t your fault y/n-none of this is. You’re amazing just as you are-he just cant seem to see that.”

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BAKUGO

OH HELL NO BAKUGO GONNA KILL SOMEONE

You and Bakugo were having a sparring session when your phone went off

“You cant turn that damn thing off?” Bakugo grunted out, hating that your attention was being taken away from him

“Sorry Katsu, gotta answer- its my boyfriend,” you smiled, downing a gulpful of water before your answered the phone

All Bakugo did was grunt in distaste- he hated your boyfriend! He found him so annoying

all he ever did was take up his time with you-it seemed like whenever Bakugo wanted to hang out, he was there, ruining the moment

or even worse- you would go out and hang out with your dumb boyfriend instead of him

He always denied having any feelings for you, but he noticed now he couldnt seem to help it- he found you attractive, physically and personalty wise, but also- you dealt with his crap. He knew he was a hand full, but you still kept him in check and were even brave enough to mess around with him, even if he did yell at you.

 He just didnt like how much control you had over him, making him flustered and blushing like a damn school girl- and the fact that you didnt even know you had this secret power drove him crazy

“Wait-youre breaking up with me?” you asked in disbelief, your eyes prickling with tears

Did he just hear what he thought he heard? Bakugo picked up his head so quick hearing your voice break, as if your whole body was just crumpling. He had to admit, he was kinda happy to hear it- now he’d finally have his chance to ask you out! But hearing you sound so defeated made his heart race faster and the anger erupt in his chest. How dare he make you feel that way!

Bakugo stomped towards you, snatching your phone out of your hands

“I dont know what your deal is, you asshole, but y/n is one of the most amazing people I know, so dont you ever call her number again unless you want your ass blown out of the damn country!”

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TODOROKI

Todoroki was sitting on the couch,drinking tea and reading a book

He had found one of your notebooks left on the floor, and he of course, instantly wanted to give it back to you

Unknowing to him, you were currently up in your room, Facetiming your boyfriend

Shouto didnt really care for your boyfriend- and for the longest time he couldnt understand why he didnt like him

but then he realized some things- whenever he was around you, he would get blushy and extremely quiet and just seemed incapable of acting normal. He found you attractive and exceptionally kind, catching himself staring at you whenever he could and feeling strange about it, causing a soft blush to form on his pale skin

 Thats when he realized he didnt like your boyfriend because he liked you, and he despised the fact that someone had already taken your heart

He knocked on your door, hearing the voices on the other side get more and more frustrated

He heard a slight sob come out of your mouth, and he instantly got panicked

What was wrong?

He knocked on the door again, unsure of what to do- does he barge in there? Does he leave you alone? Does he wait?

In mid knock, you opened the door, your eyes puffy and red

“Y/n-are you alright?” he asked, his face in complete shock and confusion

You shook your head, unable to talk due to the heavy sometimes growing inside you

“Its okay, Shouto,” you practically whispered, “just this isnt the best time-”

He placed a hand on your shoulder, looking at you with those deep, mismatched eyes that made you shiver- they were so easy to get lost in

“Please, y/n, tell me whats wrong.”

He hated seeing you upset- it made him upset, and he wanted to know who did this to you. He wasn't one to act out irrationally, but when it came to you, he would do anything to protect you.

“Its- its my boyfriend. He’s breaking up with me-”

“Hey y/n, where you at?” he heard from the phone, registering the voice as your boyfriend. Immediately, fury formed in his stomach-if he could see him right now- he would have to do everything in his power to hold his powers back from obliterating your boyfriend-

 he strided over, picking up the phone, meeting the shocked eyes of your boyfriend, expecting you to come on the screen

“Please refrain from ever calling y/n again- you make her upset and you clearly cannot understand how much of a wonderful person she truly is. If you ever come to try and hurt her again, I wont hesitate to make sure you dont ever do this to her again.”

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KIRISHIMA

Kirishima was walking out of his room, the rest of the class outside as he was the last one to change out of his PE uniform and into his lounge clothes

“Kirishima!”

He turned around, hearing your cry

Confusion was written on his face- you were running up to him, desperate to reach him

Your face was strewn with tears, sobs crying out of your mouth as you called out his name again

“Kirishima!”

Those sobs were destroying him- what was wrong? Who hurt you? Why were you so upset- he had never seen you like this! 

He had had the biggest crush on you for the longest time, and seeing you sad made him just wanted to fix everything and make you feel better, because when you were upset, he couldnt help but feel upset too!

You wrapped your arms around him, your chest colliding with his as you sobbed onto your best friend

He instantly shielded you in a warm hug, combing your hair with his palm, letting you get all your emotions out

“Hey-” he asked softly, gently raising you chin with the tips of your fingers, “what’s the matter?”

You sniffled, your face splotchy and pink, “My boyfriend-he-he-broke up with me.”

Kirishima clenched his jaw, feeling anger bubble in his stomach. So that’s the reason your so heartbroken, over that idiot? He was completely dumbfounded on why he would ever break up with you- how could someone ever just reject his amazing y/n?

He wrapped you in a hug again, placing a firm kiss on top your head

“Your okay y/n, dont worry about him. Your an amazing person and he just cant seem to see that. I got you, I promise.”

-----------------------------

Requests open!

[tigerlilliz]

For you, I would- Anthony

Drabble Challenge!

This was was asked by @3pawandme <3 Hope you like it!

Just a little disclaimer that the story features some violence.

I'm still learning tumblr and I dont know how create a link to click away to in order to finish reading the story 😣 So I'm sorry if it appears super long to some people. It's juicy though hehehe

91) Sorry, I'm protective over the things I love.

Desi hadn't left her room since last night. Her eyes were puffy and red from the tears she cried. She sat on the edge of her bed for she dreaded having to go downstairs. Luckily, she had a few minutes to get ready before she would be called to dinner.

With Caesar hosting a special meal tonight for some of the leading men of the legions. That of course means, Antony would be coming as well.

"I cant let him see me like this," Desi murmured, frantically searching through a bag of cosmetics for anything that can conceal. She had made the decision to wear her hair down today. She thought to herself maybe the change in style and a splash of color added to her face would be enough to disguise the fact her lip was swollen.

Everytime Cleopatra angered Caesar, he would find a way to take it out on her. And it seemed like Cleopatra was doing that a lot more lately. She was barely around anymore. There were whispers of the queen being seen leaving the villa with an different men. It was as if she were taunting him. Something was different last night, however, it was the first time he struck her. She thought back to when Sabina spoke of Aquila striking her for giving her attention elsewhere (by writing poetry). For Caesar, however, his rage grew from the fact that Desi didnt appear jealous of his time with spent away from her to be with Cleopatra. He wanted her to miss him and when he asked is she did, she replied, "No. I dont know you well enough to miss you yet." He was so used to people telling him what he wanted to hear that he couldnt accept his advances has yet to win her over too. It happened so quickly, he didnt realize that he hit her. His ring cutting away at her lip. She kept replaying that moment in her head. She couldn't act irrationally for it would ruin all she worked for and possibly ruin her ability to gain information for Antony.

With one more brush of her hair, she exhaled and made her way down the stairs. She smiled sweetly greeting the legates and soldiers who were standing throughout the room awaiting for Caesar to call them to the table. Desi took her seat which was a few spots down from where Caesar's usual seat. If she had to be there, she needed it to be on her terms. He was vain in the sense that he preferred to sit in the middle versus the head so he embellish in the admiration of those all around him.

Caesar entered the room as the men cheered. His hand grazed Desi's shoulders as decided to sit beside her.

"It's about time you came down" Caesar asserted as he ran his hand up her thigh under the table. Desi adjusted her chair in attempt to create some distance between them as Caesar commanded the men to take their seats around him.

Caesar stood up raising his glass before addressing the guests. "Welcome! I am pleased to announce that we are moving forward with our plans regarding the remaining members of the Senate."

He knew to remain vague the details of his plans whilst Desi and the servants were about. At this time, Antony walked in and took his seat at the empty space left directly across from Desi.

"Antony! Your timing is impeccable as always. I was just informing everyone of our decision to finalize the plans we discussed days prior." Antony nodded as he encouraged Caesar to proceed. However, his words became background noise to Antony as noticed Desi's effort to avoid making eye contact with him.

Antony nudged at her leg under the table in an attempt to get her attention. It worked for a moment as he was able to look at her long enough to exchange a smile, but she did not return it. Antony always calculating, noticed her subtle flinch the moment Caesar grabbed onto her shoulder during certain moments of his speech.

Antony was staring harder than ever now almost in a daze. He could hear a strong repetitive sound in his ears as he didnt realize that Caesar was calling his name.

"Antony! Right...Antony?" Caesar repeated as the soldiers all turned towards Antony awaiting his response.

Antony nonchalantly nodded as Caesar continued, "Then Antony is in agreement. We cant let anyone get in our way or know of our plans. For I am Caesar and no one says No to me." Caesar looks beside and and abruptly pulls Desi up by her arm. His grasp was tight enough to leave Mark's on her arm, the table shaking enough to mess up the placement of the silverware and plates across the table. Caesar exclaimed, "Even this former warrior whimpers in front of me and obeys my every command." His hand behind her head, he pulls her to him closer gesturing for her to kiss him.

The men began to holler out, "Hail Caesar! Show us, Caesar." This was only encouraging his behavior further. Anthony silent as the cheers around him only intensified the anger building up inside him. She jerked her head to the side at the last minute forcing Caesar to kiss her ear instead. Infruitated feeling embarrassed but also disrespected in front of the soldiers, with a quick brush of his hand, she smacked Desi who fell to the floor. She looked over at Antony before turning away hiding the tears that ran down her face. It was then that he noticed the swelling as the blow smeared the color on her lips.

Antony jumped to his feet shouting, "That's enough, Caesar!" Antony's voice was commanding and forceful, quickly silencing the commotion occurring in the room.

Caesar turned his attention back to Antony. "This doesnt involve you, Antony. It's best if you know remember your place around me!"

Antony was not afraid of Caesar. Not in the slightest and definitely not today. "Interesting coming from a man who wouldn't have secured Gaul and what's left of Rome without his trust stead. How easily we forget who really leads the legions and appeals to the people."

The soldiers looked at each other in shock as the tension grew around the table. They knew the hand that fed them and the one that fought not only with them, but beside them too. Antony was right, they would follow his orders into the depths if he asked them to.

Caesar and Antony stood staring at each other before Caesar added, "You will regret this stand against me."

Antony laughed to himself as he looked around the table. "I'd be curious to see how far you get in executing your plans without my input and the backing of the legions." He broke his gaze only to look over at Desi who had sat up to her waist partially hesitant on leaving the room and in disbelief of Antonys showmanship towards her.

Antony tone now much softer. "Desi, why dont you head upstairs. You dont need to be here for this." Desi noticed the soldiers who looking at her with sympathy now realizing just how hard Caesar hit her. Desi nodded while slowly picking herself up off the ground as two soldiers ran over to assist her. Their hands patting away at her dress as small pieces of chicken fell to the floor. She just noticed the fall had caused her plate to spill.

"Thanks" she spoke softly to the soldiers. She wrapped her hair behind her ears before exiting the room.

A few soldiers followed suit, dismissing themselves from the table waiting for the next set of instructions from Antony.

Caesar stood quietly as you could see a glimpse of regret wash over his face. Desi had been the one of the few constants in his life since she was gifted by Antony. He was really starting to take to her and it bothered him that he may have actually set himself back with her. She's stood up to him before, she was strong like that, but the way he struck her today, the look on her face, he realized how damaging his power can be. Caesar replied, "Very well. I think we should reconvene in an hour after everyone has had a chance to cool off."

The soldiers returned to the main hall splitting of into small groups where they resumed their previous conversations. Caesar lightly grabbed Antonys arm as he moved to walk passed him. "You know I couldn't have gotten this far without you." Antony paused briefly, saying nothing leaving Caesar at the table. Antony passed through the hall and headed up the steps.

Desi's door was closed, but he had hoped she wouldnt mind if he stepped in. Antony creaked open the door closing it behind him. Desi lie in bed sitting up enough to pat the empty spot beside her. He laid propped up beside her, but deliberately above her sheets. He wanted her thinking he had a different motive for coming to see her.

"I can't..I guess what I mean to say is" Desi scrambled as she was trying to find the words to say. Antony placed his finger over her lips and began to speak, "I apologize for not noticing sooner. And for you to have to see my anger" he sighs , "it's something that I try to shield from from."

Desi placed her hand on his cheek, her eyes memorizing his face in this moment. "I would never ask for you to stand up for me. Especially to someone whose allegiance means so much to you. Im able to fight my own battles, but after he hit me yesterday for not answering the way her wanted. I just didnt have the strength to do it today too. What you did down there, for me, it may not have been your intention to mean as much as it did, but it meant everything. Because you...you are what keeps my world from falling apart."

She noticed a single tear drop from Antony's eye. He turned away as he took her hand into his. "As you are to me, Desi. You were always someone who could fend for herself and, because of that, I didnt worry as much about your time spent here. I wouldve never asked this of you if I knew for a moment he would hurt you. I knew there would be times where you would be placed in danger and I couldnt protect you, but I never imagined... he would I hit you. There are countless ways to assert authority, but not like this and not with you."

Desi laid his head on her chest as she gently stroked his hair, his breathing slowing down to match hers. Desi added, "What if he decides to retaliate against you for standing up to him as you did?

Antony inhaled deeply and replied, "Sorry, but I'm protective over the things I love." He pulled her hand to his lips kissing her fingers softly before lowering it once agian. "And besides. He knows I'm right and what I spoke was the truth. The reason I made it this far with him was because he knew the company he kept with me. He knows he can rely on me to te him the truth about everything whether it be a truth that appealed to him or something he despised. So He couldn't have expected anything different from me today. How could I have looked at you again if I hadn't intervened when I had the opportunity to protect you for once?"

He lifted his head, leaned in, and kissed her softly on her lips mindful of the swelling. She smiled as her tears stopped, the first time in days.

"And that smile right there, I'd fight a hundred men if it meant that smile would never fade again." Antony grabbed the cloth and ice beside him as he placed it over her lip. He held it in place as she rested by his side. Antony didnt mind playing guard as he knew her feeling safe would allow her to finally catch up on rest. He sat with her until she began to dose off her. He covered her with the blanket, kissed her forehead, and quietly closed the door behind him. He had a meeting to run in a few minutes and Caesar expected him to show up by his side. And that's what he would do, with her sleeping knowing he didnt leave her side, he could return downstairs with a clear mind.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What is something small/insignificant that makes you irrationally angry? I can’t think of something that makes me angry like that, but I definitely get irritated and annoyed quite easily. Some days it can really be anything to cause it. Do you collect anything out of the ordinary? Some might say my giraffe stuffed animal collection has gotten out of hand, but *shrug* Have you ever eaten at a fancy restaurant? Yeah. I’m really not into it, though. I’m too picky. I’m more just like give me chicken tenders and fries or Taco Bell. If so, what did you have and was it delicious? It’s been awhile, so I don’t really remember. What is the best foreign film you’ve seen? I don’t know.

Who is your favourite director? I don’t have one. If you could spend a month anywhere in the whole world, where would you go? Oh man. I’d have to really think about that, but I’d love if that could happen. What’s the weirdest nickname anyone has given you? Nothing I’d consider weird. What would a person have to do to make you stop wanting to be friends with? I mean, if they were just mean or were talking about me behind my back or something like that. Are you good at reading people’s facial expressions? I think so. What sort of a competition do you think you could win? I don’t know. Have you ever upcycled trash into useful items? No. If so, what did you make and out of what? What’s the longest distance you’ve walked in one go? All over San Francisco. Is there a person, who passes your house the same time every day? Not that I’m aware of. Which colour Skittle do you like best? I don’t care for Skittles. What kind of reflectors do you wear on your jacket when it gets dark? I don’t. What’s your favourite element? I don’t have one. What is the weirdest fact you know? There’s a lot. What kinds of stuff do you post to your social media? On Facebook I mostly just scroll through my feed and “like” stuff that I find interesting or funny, and some statuses/pictures. On Twitter I tweet stuff I’m thinking and just random stuff. On here I post surveys and on my main Tumblr I post whatever interests me and stuff relating to different fandoms I like. And lots and lots of Alexander Skarsgard. Which country’s cuisine have you never tried but would like to? Hmm. I don’t know. What is a concept you don’t really understand? Philosophy gives me a headache. If you had your own radio show, what would it be like? Actually, I had a fun class I took at UC when I just needed couple more credits and we had to partner up and do our own radio show for the campus radio. Myself and these 2 other girls came up with our radio show “After Dinner Gossip” and we just played like the top hits at the time, I talked about celebrity gossip, and they had their own segments (I forget what they did). We also would share any upcoming events and stuff like that. We were on at 8PM on Mondays, I think. It was pretty fun and it was interesting learning about the radio equipment and how all that works. What has been the biggest surprise you’ve ever gotten? Hmm. Is there a holiday you can’t stand at all? No. Who is your favourite person in the whole world? My mom. What tastes the best when wrapped in bacon? Ew, I don’t like bacon. Are you good at giving directions? Nope. I’m actually the worst. Has there ever been an activity you became obsessed with? Yeah. I often can’t just like something, I get obsessed with it. What has been the strangest place you ran into someone from your past? Nowhere strange that I can think of.

[ndhoney]

Dealing with intense emotions

So this is gonna be a post on dealing with extreme emotions in ways so that we not only lessen the damage we have on those surrounding us but we also learn how to cope better with our emotions and lead healthier lives. Now i understand that these kinda of things often cant go away or be cured. But they can be lessened or controlled??? Idk if im saying hat right but i highly recommend everyone tries this stuff. Anyways onto the things.

1) so first of all, probably the most important first step is to not react immediately. When starting off you can react inwardly as that is hard to control, but when you start getting irrationally angry or sad or whatever it is distance yourself from the situation and don't outwardly react. You don't need to ignore what you are feeling, in fact it would be great to think about how you are feeling, talk about it with someone you care about, and or reflect on it. But don't act on any impulses. I understand that this will be extremely hard and tempting. But please. Step away from the situation and take deep breaths. Keep that up for about five minutes in an empty room sitting down or pacing, whatever keeps you calm. Wait at least an hour before doing anything. Once you have given yourself a proper amount of time to truly reflect on everything and look around at the whole situation you are currently in. If you find yourself to have been uselessly overreacting (as i often do myself) then at least you didn't end up doing anything you may regret and fall into a spiral of guilt over. And if you were in a bad or abusive situation you gave yourself time to realize that this is a bad situation and think on what your next steps should be to get yourself away from those situations.

2) now that we have managed to control the emotion for the time being, we should find a healthy way to get rid of it/disperse it. Some people find it helpful to go take a walk or jog, and some find it useful to take up meditation. I'll take about as many things as i can think of at this time. If any of you readers can think of any more please do reblog this and add on your ways of dispersing pent up emotions

Meditation Ok ok here me out before you write this off as some suburban white mom who thinks you can solve anything with meditation. I get it, meditation has gotten a really bad wrap in the mental illness community cause a bunch of know it alls came in and pretended like this would fix everything in the world. Well it wont, but meditation does have real benefits and helpful things about it. Just like any tool, while it cant solve everything, it can help you fix some of it. So to start off, meditation is classified as a state of thoughtless awareness. What this means is that it is a state of awareness. It is a calm and silent, yet completely aware state of mind. Clearing our head of thoughts and anxieties while still remaining aware of our surroundings and being in control. There are many ways many different people use to achieve this. But one of the most common ways a person starting to meditate is by isolating themselves outside, close their eyes and just let their senses take over. Listening to the birds chirp, and feeling the slight breeze on their face. The slight tickle of grass blades between their feet. And the smell of flowers in bloom. Even if you live in a populated city where its noisy and can feel chocking. You can still meditate. As its all about isolating yourself from your thoughts of the past and future, focusing on the present and what is happening around you. Hearing the cars drive by, noise floating from the left ear to the right. The sun glaring down on your skin. Just focus on what your senses are telling you. I hope this can help

Art A lot of people find art to be calming. Even if you aren't amazing or talented. Even if you haven't ever tried to draw before you can start right now. There are many different styles of art, so try whichever one makes you the most peaceful, its ok if you have to keep changing the style. Finding the right kind can be very hard. When angry or sad a lot of people make vent art, which is art that tells what you are feeling.

Excersize Others take up excersize to help. Running or jogging, kickboxing or even taking a walk. It doesnt have to be anything extravagant. But i do have to warn you not to push yourself to the point of injury. Often people resort to this when feeling emotions such as anger or jealousy. It an help get rid of any left over energy you might be holding onto.

Those are all i can think of currently but honestly anything you enjoy can be used as a tool to disperse the emotion

If anyone has any other helpful suggestions that have worked for you or others you know with controlling emotions please feel free to reblog this and add on

And above all else please remember if you want or need anyone to talk to my inbox/messages are always open.

[sadmodus]

i fucking hate this i hate this i hate this!

i had hope! i thought id finally come to terms with whats been holding me back and this would be an easier time with someone i love!

but at the end of the day im the one looking in the mirror and i dont wanna face my emotions. ive been running my whole life bottled up because its too painful to face head on but if i dont at this rate everyones gonna burn because the more things change the more they stay the fucking same!

[outsiderempire]

i swear. all my mood does now is fluctuate between intense rage and complete apathy. i’ll get super worked up over something, be it big or small, to the point that i just want to beat the shit out of something or stab myself or something just to be able to take my anger out on something. then all of a sudden itll all just completely disappear and im just left feeling empty and cold. nothing will spark my interest until i come out of it. i just sit, not thinking or feeling, until it finally passes. but it happens so frequently, like multiple times a day every fucking day and i cant even pretend to be normal sometimes. it just becomes so hard to do that. i become so fucking heartless about everything around me no matter what it is and sometimes i want to tear everything to shreds, destroy it all. idk why. feeling content or happy has become rare for me. i hate when i get into these apathetic moods because i cant bring myself to do anything during them. so i spend a lot of time each day just not being able to communicate, not being able to do the things i like to do. i just put some music on so i have something i can pay somewhat attention to but thats it. i dont even think, just listen to music.

im so conflicted about who i am and how quickly i keep changing, and not for the better either. i just keep getting worse and worse. sometimes i want to be a better person, sometimes i wish that i could relate to people more and feel more comfortable being social and all that. other times its the complete opposite end of the spectrum and i just want to spend the rest of my life alone, and i dont care if i can relate to people or not, and instead of wanting to be a good person i just want to be someone’s worst fucking nightmare because my natural instinct when im feeling bad is to want to make someone else feel how im feeling. the fucked up thing is it makes me feel good sometimes when that happens too. thats why i spend so much time interested in a lot of crime shows and stuff because learning the stories of these people who suffered so miserably makes me forget about my own suffering and instead of feeling sympathy for them, i either feel nothing at all, sometimes i feel happy (or a feeling similar to that), and other times i feel condescending towards them. a lot of the time i feel condescending. 

i say i dont know what to do anymore and the answer is pretty obvious but i feel like a larger part of me is content being the way that i am that i see no reason to change, or rarely do. and being this way presents a lot of challenges for me and sometimes leads to making my life hell, and despite that im still okay with it. because part of me also feels like when those things happen to me, that i deserve it so again theres no reason to change. i go back and forth with it often and usually it ends up coming down to my apathy and the fact that i just dont care to change or do anything about it. because thats requires a lot of fucking effort and honestly nothing good would come out of it in the long run. maybe temporarily until i break under the strain and pressure of faking my entire life just to please everyone else around me. im already dealing with enough shit that i dont need something like that happening. 

i dont know what i want. besides a job and money and getting everything i deserve to have. i know something i do really want tho and thats just to know like whats wrong with me? what is making me this way? why cant i relate to others? why cant i differentiate between right and wrong? why cant i be a genuine hyper-empathetic nice person? why am i just this shitty asshole who cant feel anything other than blinding rage? why do i feel so fucking entitled to everything and why do i have to be better than everyone all the time? why do i feel the need to inflict pain on others or get pleasure from their suffering in order to forget about my own? and why cant i stop being this way? 

i dont know. i want to know the answers to all these questions but i dont see myself getting them because i dont want help and i dont need it. im mostly curious really. some of this may sound like a cry for help sort of thing but its really not. i ask myself these questions because i just want to know the answers. i want to know what it was that caused me to become this kind of person. and why has it just continued to get worse, you know?

like i dealt with some of this stuff back in high school here and there but not nearly as often as i do now and a lot of things have happened since then so i have no idea what could really be the reason.

i think the thing that sucks the most about it is just how much of it i have to hide all the time from everyone. because there is still part of me who wants to genuinely be a good person and wants to be able to help others and stuff and i have my moments where i can feel sympathy so its not like im completely heartless but to be able to still be good means i have to hide a lot of things. not really for anyones safety or anything like that but more because if i let myself express how i truly feel then i would delude myself into thinking thats a perfectly acceptable way to be all the time when its not and it would probably ruin my life tbh. but then again maybe that would be what i deserved for being this way in the first place idk. 

i just wonder if this will get any worse from here on out and i kind of hope it doesnt honestly. i have enough self control to keep me from going down any awful paths. i still have ambitions and goals i want to reach in my lifetime and i have a whole little plan in my head of how i want my life to play out and its good, its positive, and i think even being the way i am i can live a positive life as long as i keep myself in check and i can reach some of these goals i have set. i think what makes things worse is when i have a goal in mind and it doesnt work out. i get extremely frustrated and the more frustrated i get the more it continues to fuel my anger and it becomes a lot easier to set me off. but im naturally a goal oriented person. i like to set a goal and a time frame and i like to be able to reach that goal in that time frame. when i dont i basically feel like ive completely failed at life and that id honestly be better off dead because i cant seem to do anything right. also that would mean i wouldnt have to face anymore failures or mistakes. i know these things happen to everyone its just part of life, but the side of me that wants to do everything right and be absolutely perfect does not listen to that. it’s either i do this right or im a complete and utter failure there’s no in between and that leads to a lot of frustration especially when its related to things out of my control. 

i just kinda feel like the worse my anger becomes over time the less purpose i have in my life. because being an angry person all the time is really fucking exhausting and creates so many problems and anger is one of the hardest things to control. someone telling me “just dont get angry” even over something minuscule doesnt help. in fact it makes me angrier because someone is telling me what to do and i dont like people telling me what to do. on the other hand i also do not like that my anger has so much control over me. i dont like that one bit. i want to be in control here. if i start to feel irritation towards something i want to be able to take a step back and not let that thing have any control over me. because im better than that, im superior to that and it has no right whatsoever thinking it can have an influence over me. 

its funny tho because one of the things that i see often when im looking into this stuff about how to control one’s anger is the advice to “eliminate the source of your anger,” but please tell me how im to eliminate the source of my anger when everything makes me angry? it goes a lot deeper than there being just one or two things that make me angry and i just dont know how to approach that. again it requires too much effort and most of the time i dont care enough to try to do anything about it. 

im done seeking advice about shit. ive tried and you know what i got in return for that? sources upon sources telling me that im a monster, that im a toxic person, that im abusive, that what im feeling and what im going through doesnt matter or isnt important, that i should be “dealt with” and how people can “avoid people like me,” or “get back at people like me.” thats the advice ive been given. obviously not advice geared towards helping myself, more for helping others who dont have to live with what i live with and thats kind of fucked up. so if thats what i am then fine, i guess im a monster, i guess i cant ever change, i guess if my only option is to live with myself for what i “really am” then i suppose thats what i should do, right? and while im at it why dont i take it further and see just how much worse i can become because theres no positive place for me in this world. if i cant change parts of who i am then im doomed to be excluded forever. 

thats the kind of thinking i deal with a lot and why i gave up seeking advice. because honestly its all bullshit. sometimes i let it get to me too much and thats when i start thinking irrationally, believing i should become the worst person that i can because theres nothing good waiting for me. and that thinking is what makes people do terrible things and act out and ruin their lives. funnily enough that thinking doesnt intrinsically come from the people struggling with these problems, it comes from the people who dont like these people who are struggling and can only see the negative aspects which lead to them painting these people as monsters, as subhuman. you start to believe it yourself when youre told it often enough.

idk where im going with this anymore. i just wanted to put my thoughts out there somewhere and let them kind of roam freely i suppose. i dont want anyone to think that these rants i go on are directed towards one thing specifically tho. theyre not. literally i just sat down and did this because i completely got over my anger about the job stuff and wanted to just write how i was feeling. it happens randomly and if i dont get it out it makes things worse. 

but i dont want a response to this. thats not why i write these things. i dont care if people read them or not, i just want to write it out where people can see what im feeling if they so choose but i dont want to talk about it. that never helps either. i dont want advice im done with it. i just want to leave this here for however long i wish to leave it up and go on and find something else to do while i wait to get over this apathy again.

[kaminosoath]

STATIK: =With Sirius GONE without so much as a warning notice (and along with her their mother and Ananya), Statik was a bit...agitated at about half her family. She understood the need, of course, but it didn't make it any less frustrating that they LEFT WITHOUT HER???=

STATIK: =Going on five minutes now, she had been pacing about the tech lab, feeling a little antsy and restless. She had to get out, and so she left, making a beeline straight for one block, even though she wasn't entirely aware she was headed there.=

STATIK: =When she crossed their door, she wet her lower lip, a little daunted. She'd been a bit...well...her usual ass of a self lately and didn't want to crowd them so soon after she'd made a scene... But in her opinion there had been sufficent time between then and now and she felt like she had given appropriate space? Even so, she missed them, and they were going to know it. There's a familiar knockin on Simula's door, always in some kind of musical rhythm to spice things up.=

SIMULA: -ah yes, the tell tale signs of statik's arrival. they'd been curled up on their bed for a while, drifting in and out of a nap. having company brought about some conflicting feelings, moreso than usual. caught between that need for attention and the ever growing fear that something is going to go awry. ultimately, they give in to the former desire, and opens the door from where they're lying. they only move to sit up, glancing over at her.-

SIMULA: Hell-o. Come in. Not that you need an invitation.

STATIK: hey hey simCard ⚡ =She notices that recently-awake expression and raises her brows, but accepts the invitation into their room= i didnt interrupt your beauty sleep did i? ⚡

SIMULA: -musses with their own hair, shrugging a shoulder. they might not be the most emotive person usually, but they definitely seem extra lethargic.- You could hard-ly consider it that, if II look as shit-ty as II feel.

STATIK: =she threw an arm over one of their shoulders and pulled them into a side hug= STATIK: this is only a small speed bump. youll be beautiful again, no worries ⚡ KD

STATIK: =that is she tried throwing and arm over their shoulders.=

STATIK: =She tried, she probably only could reach one of them properly, then ended up just crossing and arm over their back.=

STATIK: =even as she jokes, her expression does flicker into a worried one=

STATIK: you looK as exhausted a deer being traCKed by an enduranCe hunter ⚡

SIMULA: -rubs at their eyes now, accepting the little scraps of affection.- It's noth-ing. II just made the mis-take of leav-ing my room again to-day.

STATIK: K(

STATIK: do i need to KiCK someones ass? ⚡

STATIK: ...

STATIK: do i need to KiCK my own ass? ⚡

SIMULA: ... No.

SIMULA: Some-thing stu-pid hap-pened. -huffs a small sigh-

SIMULA: II was hang-ing out with Dell in the cafeteria. Emilet was there. Silliness en-sued, basically. But it escalated and Dell got irrationally frustrated and-- Chucked his tri-dent at Emilet.

SIMULA: II on-ly bare-ly stopped it.

SIMULA: May-be he deserves an ass kick-ing. But II will be frank, II'm get-ting a bit tired of acts of physical violence.

STATIK: K\ oh my god... ⚡

STATIK: it Keeps HAPPENING ⚡⚡

STATIK: youre the Captain's kid! file a Complaint! start a petition! ⚡

STATIK: ill even sign it for you! ⚡

SIMULA: -scoffs- What, like an an-ti-bullying pact?

SIMULA: There's noth-ing II can do to stop peo-ple from be-ing impulsive idiots.

STATIK: =scoffs right back= NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE! ⚡⚡

STATIK: when there are meetings in alternia's judiCiary, the league has to leave their weapons at the door and wear suppression Collars that are aCtivated during any signs of aggression. it was to avoid wrongful death. that was a problem for a while until it was solved! ⚡ CK

SIMULA: -looks.... reasonably horrified by this.- Eugh.

SIMULA: As aw-ful as Alternian cus-toms are, II sup-pose you're mak-ing a good point.

SIMULA: ... -long suffering sigh- II could al-ways talk to my fath-er, at least.

STATIK: =She didn't see anyone piledrive someone to death herself, she just HEARD things. And had a near-death experience that sent her straight back to the UU but that was a different thing entirely=

STATIK: of Course i am! ⚡⚡ OK

STATIK: =She pulled them into a tight hug, and her voice dropped a little softer,= what happened, it really bothered you, didn't it? ⚡ :C

SIMULA: ... -leans into her hug, nodding a little, unable to vocalize it.-

STATIK: it suCKs a lot to have someone you Care about be in danger ⚡

SIMULA: -glances at her, supposing she must know, if the way she's continually reacted to the finncident was any indication.- ... Yes. It does. -nonchalantly nuzzles at her shoulder a little.-

STATIK: then say something, sim! ⚡

STATIK: and if people don't listen, Keep saying something until they do ⚡

SIMULA: -quiets until she feels a little bit of wetness on her shoulder.- It feels... point-less.

STATIK: =she broke from the hug, and dipped her head, trying to look up at them=

STATIK: why?? ⚡⚡

SIMULA: -averts their gaze , but they can't hide the tears swelling in their mismatched eyes.- II made my bed a long time a-go.

SIMULA: II could keep try-ing, but why would anyone lis-ten to me? II don't de-serve the time of day.

SIMULA: II push-ed everyone a-way. That's what II want-ed. And now II'm-- -they can't believe they're letting themself break down like this, but everything hurt so badly, worse then the headache and the sparks erupting from the emotion, they couldn't hold it in anymore.-

SIMULA: II feel so a-lone.

SIMULA: Some-times II feel like you're the on-ly one who actually gives a fuck when it comes down to it.

SIMULA: Everyone is so fuck-ing con-tent to turn the oth-er cheek to-wards actual physical harm again-st me.

SIMULA: But II earned that, didn't II. This is what II get for be-ing such an ass-hole all the time.

STATIK: =she started off squinting at them, but the more they cry, the more her own tears begin to well up.=

STATIK: dont say that its not too late! i Can say for an absolute faCt that satomi and siri Care... ⚡

STATIK: but siri liKes everybody, so she doesnt Count ⚡

STATIK: looK looK looK ⚡

STATIK: =She sniffed as she squinted and placed each hand on their shoulders.=

STATIK: you didnt earn shit, and everyone else who is being an asshole about this doesnt Know a single thing about you ⚡

STATIK: they dont Care beCause its EASIER turning the other CheeK ⚡

STATIK: its easier for them thinKing theyre so freaKing PERFECT and trying to single you out beCause youre more honest about it that you arent ⚡

STATIK: they Cant grasp the ConCept theyre not as high and mighty as they maKe themselves out to be ⚡

STATIK: =her words are getting a bit snappish and angrier=

STATIK: and you Know what? they're fuCKing hypoCritiC COWARDS beCause of it! ⚡⚡

STATIK: theyre small and insignifiCant and they Cant stand it so theyre trying to maKe YOU feel that way! their tiny minds have tiny Cruel little thoughts and they arent worth shit! ⚡

STATIK: =she put a hand up to their face= youre worth way more than all of them together ⚡

SIMULA: -there's more to be conflicted about after hearing this. whether they should listen and let themself be comforted. whether it's true, whether it even matters if it's true or not. statik cared. statik saw them as something great, and not just despite the ugliness, but because of it too. they effectively lost the battle trying to keep her at bay along with everyone else. and... they're fine with that.-

SIMULA: You know... -sniffs, tentatively reaching to touch her face too. almost hesitant.- You real-ly are such an an-gry lit-tle per-son.

SIMULA: II think you give me too much cred-it. But II won't ar-gue eith-er.

SIMULA: ... Thank you, Stat-ik. For... be-ing here.

STATIK: im angry beCause all this pisses me off!! ⚡ KO

STATIK: but i wont deny im little ⚡

STATIK: =she leans into their touch, and laughs a slightly soggy laugh= and if i give you too muCh Credit, it's Cause you give yourself none ⚡

STATIK: im always gonna be here, sim. ⚡

STATIK: ...im sorry i stayed away ⚡

SIMULA: That doesn't mat-ter now. -insists, fidgeting a little before leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead.-

STATIK: =her face is turning a marvelous shade of GREEN, but not because she's sick. Statik doesn't move, because she's not sure how to take all these butterflies slamming themselves into the walls of her abdomen. Does she DARE?? Gradually though, she moved the hand she had on their face and lightly kissed the area where her touch had been.=

SIMULA: -a noise rumbles out of them like a purr -- a good indication that this is a good direction to head in. their head dips as they lean in, cheeks brushing, till they're simplying draping themself over her in another hug.-

STATIK: =Relief washed over her and she patted their face before pulling them closer in her arms, crossing her limbs over their back.=

STATIK: i wont do that to you again, oKay? i'm here for you. i'll always be here for you. ⚡

STATIK: =squeezes=

SIMULA: Then... you should stay here. Un-til II let you leave. -mumbles into her shoulder. this is what happens, statik. you give them an inch and they take a mile.-

STATIK: =There is a smile to her voice and she leaned her cheek against theirs.=

STATIK: there was only ever one option, i thinK ⚡

SIMULA: -they purr softly again, leaning heavily against her until they're both flopping back onto the bed. it's snuggle time...-

STATIK: =With Simula in her arms and she in theirs, it finally felt right. She nuzzled against them, purring herself.=