#i know im brainweird already its all just.. whatever

[soggypotatoes]

dam my social worker emailed me all the evidence they gathered for me to get approved for ndis bc i have to apply for something else, and i have bipolar??? i didnt know that lol... the classic bipolar/bpd/adhd/cptsd combo??? fun

that said... i dont think i have bipolar haha. i think it’s probably the other 3 making it look like i have bipolar. but it is written there, so.

anyway. i am actually doing a bit better :) my ability to sleep has switched off for the most part, last 4 nights or so i havent slept much, just gave up on sleep for now after trying to sleep for about 3/4 hours. it’s only 1am, surely i will go to sleep soon. asides from that, i am a lot more ok than i have been in months. changed my sheets just now, not having a meltdown over all the mountains of stuff i have to do, still quite anxious a lot of the time but i’m dealing.

seeing my psychiatrist on friday and hoping to get on prozac. i think the pattern for me is going to be just switching antidepressants every few years until i can manage without. that’s how it’s been, anyway. it’s chill. we’ll see how this plays out. might also go on vyvanse? but im not sure, i think he’ll only want to change one med at a time. he will probably want me to go back on mood stabilizers as well, since i weaned myself off all the ones he put me on + the antidepressants lol. i do need to find something to help me sleep though... it’s just a bit shit that sleep meds don’t really work long term :/ i’ve been on a loooot of them and none of them really last, and i can’t keep upping my dosage of various things forever. i have to learn how to sleep, but i just don’t really know how to do it. i’ve never been able to sleep, my whole life! how does one just turn off their brain like that. i have to be knocked out!!

the place i’ve moved into is really nice though. i like it here a lot. i thought i’d sleep easier here, since i usually sleep easier not in my own room, thought i’d have a little grace period before my insomnia got worse again. but... nope, haha. ill just have to get used to sleep deprivation again. pity it’s happening right when i’m the busiest i’ve been in years and seriously need my brain to be online :(