#i know id react the same way in their position

[brainrotcharacters]

no because Wade really rizzed up that one TVA agent with the coffee cup 😭 have mercy on the poor closeted circle man, wilson. Only the barest of minimum efforts was put into flustering that one tva agent sorry

[dunmeshi-darlings]

eeee i love your writing!!! could i get chilchuck comforting a crying reader (who's normally very bubbly and happy)? Bonus if they're crying bc they think their feelings for chilchuck are unrequited 🫣

Thank you kindly dear anon, i hope your day is going well and that you have rested well and ate well.

Chilchuck was never good with emotions, both his and other peoples. He kept his own emotions hidden so as not to appear vulnerable. And when it came to other peoples emotions he was fine with the positive ones...but quickly became awkward when things turn negative.

In fact he might be the worst (well second worst possibly) when it comes to dealing with emotional issues. So when he walks in and sees you crying he freezes up like a deer caught in the headlights. Its such a foreign sight to him he wasnt even sure if he was seeing it right.

You have always been such a bright cheery person, No matter the situation you were always the one that had the biggest grin across your face telling everyone its going to be ok, to not give up and push on. That was one of the things chilchuck liked about you the most, even if he would talk about how a situation was impossible or that it was to dangerousm you were always the one reassuring him that things were going to be ok. He never said it but it really meant alot to him, usually he would just ignore it or blow it off but he knows deep down it helps him more than he lets on.

He stares at you sobbing, wide eyed for a few moments before quickly making his way over to you. "WOAH woah hey Y/N hey hey its ok! its ok, whats wrong are you hurt?"

He says quickly sitting down beside you putting an arm around you instinctually. He normally isnt one to get physical when it came to comforting people but it was just something he did before he even realized he was doing it.

"Im fine...im just stupid..a stupid stupid idiot...an idiot that should have known better" You said through tears before breaking into sobs again, chilchuck looked around awkwardly before pulling you into him to cry, he sat there patting your back trying to comfort you as best he could. patting your back and repeatedly saying it was ok softly.

Eventually when you finally manage to calm down he wipes away some tears from your face before speaking up. "Now tell me whats going on? what do you mean know beter?" You want to tell him the truth, it had been eating you alive for days and days now. But tonight you realized what the actual truth was, and it was to much and broke you to pieces, it was a truth you had tried to ignore but couldnt and it broke your very being. You dont want to tell anyone about it, let alone him...but you know he wont let you hide away and pretend like this wasnt happening. so you take a deep breath and speak.

"im sorry chilchuck...i know this is going to make you feel awkward...and i know..i know you dont feel the same way.....but i like you, i REALLY like you...i care about you more than anyone else. and i know its stupid and i should just get over it but...it hurts.." you admit to him, not even looking at him, With how you feel right now your sure you wouldnt want him seeing your face right now. He didnt say anything, he only stared wide eyed at you. You should have known this was how he was going to react, you know how he felt about inter group relationships so you know he wouldnt want any part of being with you. However your miserable thoughts were interrupted as he pulled you into a tight hug.

"hey dont talk like that...if there is anyone here thats an idiot its me. I do care about you, I really do. You mean alot more to me than you realize, and you help me stay sane down here." He says squeezing you tight, you sniffle softly as you cant believe what your hearing. "Im not great with emotions...both dealing with other people and my own. Whenever you would be so positive and cheery it would make me genuinely happy, but i didnt want to get to attached so id play it off or something but genuinely you have helped me so much down here. I also have....other reasons on why im so hesitant to show emotions that im not ready to talk about just yet...but i do care about you...in fact i think i might like you the same way you like me. I just struggle being open about things you know? i should have been honest with you and open about my feelings back...that way you wouldnt have to deal with this. Im sorry, But to make it up to you, once we rescue falin and leave the dungeon why dont i take you to dinner?"

You couldnt believe what you were hearing, he had feelings for you to?! you couldnt believe it, you could feel yourself hugging him close as you smiled into his shoulder. "That sounds great, id love to."

[mrmistakemakeroywg]

how i see "The helper" episode . (i have diagnosed adhd and autism fyi: everyone is different so take what i say with that context <3 not all autistic people are like me so please understand this is more based on my experience personally)

Really weird post i know but hear me out. When i watch "The helper " i immediatly think about having meltdowns as a little kid or just any age in general wether online or irl.

^ Like if you`re looking at it like i am, you can understand why id say it feels like hes having a meltdown / breakdown because something that makes sense to him most of the time, now makes no sense at all to him / freaks him out |

| (Being unable to help people because they do not need his help which he is not used to , thus making him react way worse then most people would sense it is something very special to him Like how people will have specific special intrests or hyperfixations etc) personally i freak out and get meltdowns when my pc is broken or needs fixed and i cannot draw whatsoever for long peroids of time. )

and how you / i would immediatly feel ashamed , nervous and guilty afterwards , or just generally exhausted or depending on the person feel like a burden on the people around you.

(also for this next part yes i know this is implied to be sylvia`s idea but it still makes me wanna tear up because it hits home way too hard) and other people will immediatly treat you as a "trouble maker" that has to be dealt with , punished or pushed aside even tho its something you cant help and sometimes cant even understand .

the dialogue espeically is a gut punch for me.

"ohh.. So this is the guy you want out of town "

" i get it " he`s hurt , and ashamed of himself. and its probably a stretch but i feel like this has happened before because of how he says " i get it . " then he tries to turn it into a positive as per usual to his character writing , thats how much he loves helping people.

its his special intrest / hyperfixation <3333 so of course he can try to turn it into something fun . and the rest of the episode goes on as he Does what they asked him to. and they immediately reward him for throwing himself out of their way .

(this genuinely makes me so mad i`m sorry fuck those towns people man you could`ve just talked to him instead GRAHHHH) and how he gets super happy after FINALLY pleasing them.

hes so silly :33

also this last bit makes me angry a little

"son"

"thanks" ( im going to eat your soul stfu /halfjoke )

"happy i could help!! "

"that makes two of us " (BONUS) ALSO I WANT TO MENTION the scene where he tries to " stop " lord hater. I feel like this is him being pushed to his absolute limit to a point he tried to do something very out of character just for the comfort and relief of "doing something good" like hes reverting to the basics of "being a good guy " just to get that comfort of helping someone again.

it reminds me of that Version of himself in "the wanders" where the piece of himself that holds his trauma / what made him want to help everyone is still not inside of him yet, and he goes on a rant about how he is going to stop lord hater

"wander are you okay ?? " "im MORE then okay "

"IMMMM PERFECT !"

"Now come trusty steed , its time to stop that HEARTLESS evil doer LORD HATER ONCE AND FOR ALL !! "

"wait what-" "stop ?"

"YES! i am a good guy , and he is a bad guy. " "AND I STOP HIM ! "

------------------- HELPPPPP.... seriously tho sorry for the long rant about this episode but it genuinely hit home so hard that i have cried multipule times unironicly because of it. Reminder that im veiwing this through my own experience of growing up on the spectrum (adhd + autism specifically) not everyone on the spectrum will be the same as me when it comes to this episode. I had to get this out of my system because it was eating at my brain sorry yall 💔💔💔

if i made any typos or worded anything weird its becuase its harder for me to write long posts plus as of writing its 01:17 on my computor clock.

[paingoes]

Questions for any/all/however many of your OCs because I'm bored and curious.

How have they changed throughout their development? (I don't mean in-character --- like how do they differ now from the previous versions? How are they different now from the very first time you thought of them?)

How would the story differ if a character/s were in the position (societal, emotional, etc, any or all) of other character/s?

What's something (or multiple things) that they'd never, ever tell anyone?

What's something they'd never tell anyone, but really want to?

What do they think of when they hear the word "home"?

Are they religious? What are their thoughts on religion?

ooooo this is so much fun thank you for sending!!! okay!!!

1.) How have they changed throughout their development?

i wanna say that delta has been pretty watertight since inception. the story was created with him in mind. honestly i didnt always know where the plot was going and a lot of that was improvised, but his character and the way he reacts to things are fundamentally what holds the whole thing together. living weapon-whistle blower dichotomy was always there. thats my boy :)

paris and lorelai were both like. they invited themselves in and havent left basically id say that was their effect on the plot. ive said this a lot but the early paris characterization is kinda weak, he was just meant to be a kind of controlling and cruel whumper. and he was always supposed to be close to delta in age. that was basically it. i feel like the first time i really "got" him was when i wrote him in Moonshine blacked out and sobbing on the floor. and even now when i reread it im like. Oh there he is.

lorelai i guess ive also had her characterization down for a while. she has a good heart and despite her sheltered upbringing she has a very strong revolutionary spirit! shes kind of an idealist and she has a really rigid moral sense which is a good contrast to paris's ability to justify literally anything.

i planned to write rubies before crash out or to have crash out be like. a side story to rubies. but i remember the exact moment i realized when i wanted to do with paris and lorelai and it hit me in the head really hard. i was like. they neeeeeed to do fear and loathing in las vegas.

2.) How would the story differ if a character/s were in the position (societal, emotional, etc, any or all) of other character/s?

gonna hold my tongue on this one because the roleswap/princess delta AU is coming!!!!! no spoilers hehehehe

3.) What's something (or multiple things) that they'd never, ever tell anyone?

hmmmm. i feel like delta would really try to avoid talking about times where he was like. gleefully and proudly complicit in hurting and destroying other people. "glee" is definitely a strong word but he takes pride in his work and he knows hes the fucking best at it. he really enjoys the dopamine rush of hitting targets on a purely mechanical level and he enjoyed being The Favorite at the institute. hes knows its wrong now but at the time? he lived off the validation.

one thing lorelai would never tell anyone is that she thinks the living weapon thing was hot.

lorelai: omg poor delta :(((( thats so sad lorelai: it shouldve been me

while lorelai is pretty morally upright she defintiely has a thing about violence and control CTRL. lorelai is a foil to paris but she is a parallel to delta and i think she also really really wants to feel useful in the same way he can be. this doesnt mean shes okay with what paris did to him AT ALL but she is very. captivated by the concept to say the least.

4.) What's something they'd never tell anyone, but really want to?

i cant think of anything tbh! lorelai is mostly an open book and she says what she's thinking. if delta felt strongly enough about anything to confide in someone, and he felt safe to do so, i think he'd cave to that too. i feel like i should have an answer here for paris because he's definitely in the business of "i can't admit this even to myself" but i think if he really wanted to say something he would just say it. i dont think any of them are really good at keeping secrets.

5.) What do they think of when they hear the word "home"?

paris thinks of thales, which is silly. it's not like he ever spent that much time there.

loreali thinks of absalom! she loves her home and its kind of incredible she ever left. she made a big sacrifice doing it and she doesnt regret it but she does get homesick a lot.

delta has no immediate associations and that is something that definitely eats at him. minor spoilers for rubies i guess but he will eventually come to associate Galatea -- and especially Levon -- with home.

6.) Are they religious? What are their thoughts on religion?

i think it would be funny here to say lorelai's family is southern baptist. delta was raised atheist and in fact i think Martino was probably a total snob about it and made him read Space Richard Dawkins. none of them are particularly spiritual but paris and lorelai are both weirdly superstitious. paris believes in the afterlife.

destroyer does not have good religious lore but i did once canonize Space Catholicism so i could make a dick-sucking joke

[twosdays-trash]

So ive had this idea for a while to continue where the Tooned McLaren left off at season one and exploring the things that may have happened between the end Season 1 and the start of Tooned 50.

Basically what I've got going in my mind is that after Lewis gets changed to Sergio, Prof. And Jenson are happy that "Lewis" is ok. Fretting over him and dragging him to medical to make sure that there weren't any major issues with the glitches, like organs being rearranged, bones fusing, or what have you.

So they bring him in, and medical is also doing the regular concussion protocol: what's your name, when is your birthday, what's today's date, who's the president, etc. and as the doctors go through it they realize that this isn't Lewis. But, as doctors should be, they stay respectful and dont voice their realization out loud just yet.

They go through with X-rays, CT scans, MRIs, blood tests, everything to make sure that nothing is wrong physically. And once all the tests are back (which would be pretty fast bc fanfic physics) they see that he is 100% ok!

So "Lewis" leaves the medical area and meets up with Prof. and Jenson, and they realize that Lewis looks kinda. Different. And they voice their realizations to him. But "Lewis" is confused because, what do you mean i sound different and look different and act different? This is how ive always been???

So prof and jenson are kinda freaked the fuck out! Like, Why is lewis. Not lewis? And while their freaking tf out Checo is like, erm... Im gonna find somewhere to chill because yall are freaking ME out. So he leaves and the other 2 dont even notice.

And then the doctor comes out a little bit after checo leaves and tells prof and jenson that all scans and blood tests have come back positive. No concussion, no fused or mangled organs, bones and blood work are good, everything is fine on a physiological level. But there is something that they (the doctors) are kinda worried about, which is memory loss or alteration.

And the doctors tell prof and jenson how all the answers they got in the eval pointed towards "lewis" having altered memories and a changed personality. They recommend that they treat this "new Lewis" like a new person, and to tread carefully since if he gets too much information all at once that could be an issue and cause complications with him getting his memories back.

So they're like, yeah ok we can do that, then make their way over to wherever Not Lewis is to meet him properly?

When they find him they apologize for reacting how they did (like crazy freaks) and just sorta ask ice breaker questions for colleagues 101.

Oh whats your name? Sergio. oh cool, do you have any nicknames? Yeah, its Checo. Its pretty common in Mexico, Feel free to use it. Nice nice... Sooo... Whats your favorite music artist? Hmm id have to say Alejandro Sanz, i think. Oh thats cool, ive never heard of him. Yeah hes a popular spanish artist. Mmm good to know. And so on and so on.

And oh boy is it awkward. Checo is confused as to why hes being basically interrogated by two guys he vaguely recognizes.

Then later they bring him in for some testing in order to see if he is or isn't a f1 driver. To make sure that if he has no memory or knowledge of driving, the rules, or terms that McLaren are able to get a replacement driver as soon as they can.

As they go through with these tests they realize that he does in fact have the knowledge and ability to drive a f1 car at the level of other f1 drivers. Which is a relief for them because they don't need a new driver and since Checo didn't lose ALL of his memories as Lewis there is still the chance of Lewis coming back.

And everyone is so caught up in being excited that Lewis might "come back" that they forget that Checo is his own person. So they treat him the same as they would Lewis, completely ignoring forgetting what the doctors said about treating him differently.

They make jokes at Checo, push him around a bit like they would with Lewis because Lewis was pretty physical when it came to jokes and stuff, they tease him and make references to things in the past that Checo doesn't remember.

And Checo voices this, says he dosent know what their talking about. That he dosent get the reference or joke. And everyone is just like, Meh its ok, you'll remember and be back to yourself soon anyways.

No one realizes that this is making Checo feel really shitty. Cause imagine. You wake up in this weird place with fuzzy memories of your past, only strongly remembering how to drive f1 (and lower class) cars and your identity. Then suddenly you're thrust into a shit load of testing. Only to have everyone assume that you arent yourself, he may have come from Lewis he is not Lewis. For everyone to treat him like hes gonna be gone later this week and Lewis will be back in his place. Its draining!

And so as the weeks go on they "integrate" him into the team again, catching him back up on the mechanics and PR training. And slowly people start to realize that Checo hasn't turned back to Lewis yet. And Checo is training and working for weeks that turn into months, and everyone comes to the conclusion that maybe Lewis isnt coming back.

Its after months of Checo trying to make everyone realize he is his how person, he will never be Lewis no matter how much McLaren wants him to be, he just isnt, is that everyone stops calling him Lewis or Lew or some kinda fucked up mix between the name. Its only after hes been basically stripped of the only identification that he had waking up here, do they accept that he isnt Lewis.

And Checo is rightfully mad! So he snaps and calls out their Bs, You called me Lewis for months! I told you! everytime you called me Lewis I told you! I said my name is Sergio not Lewis and you just brushed me off! Youve been saying for MONTHS "oh its fine youll be back to lewis soon!" Am i back yet? Am i Lewis yet?!

Everyone is stunned and like oh shit we messed this up majorly. They set to fixing their mistakes, but that's a huge mountain to climb. And Checo is NOT gonna make it easy for them either.

And thats all ive got for now! Ive got some physical sketches drawn out that i might post on my art account ( @markotheartshark ), so if you wanna see that let me know! Ive also got about 1k written of this is actual Fic form but i dont think it will get past that since i have no clue where to go with it 😭 i might also post that if thats what the masses want.

Anyways i hope you enjoyed this little rant idea ive had!

[meatsex]

hi im sorry if this is weird to ask and you definately dont have to answer, but how did you start transitioning? im sure its different outside the us, but i guess i mean like more how did you get the "courage" to ig? im just now in my early 20s and i want to start before its "too late", but im just worried abt so much shit surrouding it (family, my job, school, etc) and it stops me everytime i get close to trying to

im sorry, idk i just remeber seein your top surgery pics a while back and thought abt asking for a bit cause im kinda alone in this. its okay if you dont respond, ik this might be like a hard subject

hello, this isnt a weird question at all, especially if you find yourself in a situation where you feel alone about this matter.

before i begin, obviously none of the things i say are a guide or should be taken as exact reference, they are just my experience, precautions i took and things i realized/explored; this will also be LONG

i began transitioning around 2016 (i was 19-20 iirc), this is when i began to reconsider my gender and how i saw myself, i wasnt sure about my stance on myself so i used the label genderfluid as that was what felt right atm, i wasnt sure if i really wanted to be a guy or just felt like it every so often; back then i only confided this information to my then boyfriend

i began using a different name online, tried different clothing and also got my hair cut way short for the first time, basically tried and experienced, i was also used to crossplaying often (cosplaying male characters)

in 2018 i was fully set with the idea i wanted to be a man, id fully take on the role of one online and i had already told other friends i trusted about this

i stopped using the label of genderfluid by this time as well, i also tried binding a bit but it was complicated for me so it wasnt long lived but definitely helped in settling the idea of what i wanted

in 2020-2021 i came out to my parents, i tested the waters *a lot* first, i brought up topics like having transgender friends or similar too see how they would react, luckily they both did positively. after this i felt confident in telling everyone else irl

in 2022 i got my legal name change (the process in Argentina is basically a re-enacment of your birth certification with your preferred name and gender, i dont know if this is different or the same elsewhere), and in 2023 i got top surgery, the overall healing process was around 6 months, i did require aid for things like getting up from bed and eating

i was freshly 26 for my surgery by 2023, what im trying to say is for some people its something that could take a lot of time while others might find instantly this is their correct way to feel and be, but its also never too late or never too early and its also okay to change your mind and go back on how you felt, utimately its your decision to take

truthfully you will have to think and consider hard in which areas and with which people you feel safe sharing your gender, some people might not be open to the idea and depending on the circumstances it might not be worth the risk (like at a job or school) unless you have a backup plan to fall onto if it comes to a worst case scenario; i hid these things from my family for a lot of time (especially my internet-disconnected, right-leaning dad)

i think "closet" transitioning or just taking small steps that can be subtle to others is a good idea if you are still unsure about your situation and/or environment, in the sense of exploring ideas, terms, feelings, and with things like trying on different clothes or changing the way you present yourself in a smaller scale (like friends you trust or online presence)

i think its also important i was an adult by this time, therefore (as stupid as this sounds because it is) i had more credibility in the eyes of others to my emotions and how i felt, but this is something that depends and varies with the environment you are in and the people that surround you

ultimately it truly never is late or early, its okay if you try it and change your mind, no one is going to punish you for it and no one is entitled to how you feel about yourself other than you; i hope this helped in any way and if not feel free to ask again about more specific ideas or topics regarding this

[capybaraonabicycle]

trick or treat!!!

Hiiii :D

Did I just ignore all my work and write you a fic snippet? Maybe. But it's halloween and we get to enjoy!

This contains spoilers for Ghosts from Big Finish and is also inspired by that episode plus your love for trains :) Hope you enjoy! (and hope you don't have that on your 'to listen' list)

(This was also written in the last 30 min and not proof read, so - yk what to expect)

Rating: G

Genre: Halloween

Characters: 12, Bill, Nardole

Warnings: Ghosts, identity crisis, I guess? also spoilers

Words: ~700

[ID: gif from the episode "Mummy on the Orient Express" showing a train in space. end ID]

The train in this fic is not necessarily travelling through space but you are free to imagine it that way :)

The train was busy. Bill had only taken one step out of the TARDIS, when already someone collided with her on their way towards their seat.

“Sorry” she winced, stepping to the side as fast as she could.

Physically, it felt fast enough. The expected crash held off, Bill did not even feel a whiff of air as the passenger rushed past her. Visually, however...

Looking at this logically, there was no way the passenger and their bulky luggage made it past Bill without so much as grazing her. There just wasn't enough room in the aisle. But it couldn't be, could it? It must have been a trick to her eyes, witnessing the traveller's hand and their luggage glide through Bill's hip in passing?

Bill gulped.

“Uh, Doctor?” she asked, turning around to her friend.

That was when she noticed the woman behind him, straight on course to barrel into his back. Her instincts took over.

“Doctor, behind you!” she called.

But before he could react, the woman had already reached him. She broke through his chest, undisturbed in her way as she almost traversed Bill as well, the timetravellers staring at her dumbfoundedly.

“Incorporeal people” Nardole whistled.

“Excuse me, ma'am!” The Doctor called after the woman, the same curiosity in his eyes that Bill could feel rising in her own chest.

The woman ignored him, even after calling repeatedly. He shrugged and turned to a little child on a seat nearby.

“Hello” he smiled, crouching down to their eye-level. “I'm the Doctor. This is Bill and Nardole. Mind telling me your name and where we are?”

The child didn't seem to hear him.

“Creepy” Nardole mumbled while Bill looked around. As expected, none of the other passengers were taking notice of them. And another thing.

“Oh no” she said.

“Oh yes.”

The Doctor was positively beaming.

“What?” asked Nardole.

“Look at their mouths” Bill advised him.

“Oh no” Nardole whimpered.

The passengers' mouths were moving, animatedly talking among themselves. And yet, they could not hear a sound from them.

“They're ghosts” Bill said.

“Are they?” the Doctor asked.

“Not just them!” Nardole cried out, watching his hand disappear in the backrest of a seat. “We're on a ghost train! I don't like this, Sir, I don't like this at all.”

“You're being too hasty, both of you” the Doctor scolded.

“They can't hear or see us and are pass-through and silent” Bill shrugged. “Not transparent or giving you cold shivers, but that still sounds like a ghost to me. Or a hologram without audio, but you know, same thing.”

“It is not the same thing” the Doctor huffed.

“Yeah, that would be less spooky” Nardole pointed at him in support. “I am with the hologram explanation.”

“It's not my point, anyway.” The Doctor straightened his back and Bill knew he was phasing into lecturing-mode. “My wife once invited me on a date to Demonese II. Most haunted planet in the galaxy.”

“How romantic” Bill snorted and he glared at her.

“We proceeded to make holograms of ourselves, or, as you like to call them: ghosts,” the Doctor continued. “Later, I read the memory-file on our holograms.”

A dark shadow crossed his face as if he regretted that choice. “To them, we looked like the ghosts.”

“So what you are saying is - “ Bill understood and he nodded.

“There is no way of knowing whether the train is incorporeal and silent” he summarised, “or we are.”

“How fun” Nardole whined. “That's exactly the adventure we wanted to have today. Hang out on a train as possibly-a-ghost. Why can't we ever have a nice, relaxing trip to a beach.”

“I don't do beaches” the Doctor glared, then he grinned. “Let's get a scope of the place. Let's phase through to the engine room, that's where the exciting stuff happens!”

He moved through the passengers and seats, away from the TARDIS. Nardole came up next to Bill.

“I don't like how he phrased that” he grumbled. “I don't like it at all.”

“Come on!” Bill grabbed his hand, slightly relieved that he still felt as corporeal to her as ever. “We get to explore and haunt a ghost train!”

“Uughhh” Nardole groaned. “I should have stayed in bed.”

Thank you for reading!

[changbinsboobs]

id also like to know changbins opinions or thoughts on idols who have lazy scandals ie: they might be more hard working for their own solo projects but in their group they look like they dont even want to be there or arent always putting in enough efforts cause these days they can kinda half ass it if they want too with the whole lipsynching debacles that occur so yh id love to know his thoughts on these sorts of topics cause hes been an idol for so long he must have many feelings bottled up

cause i think hes one of the hard working ones who always want to improve or maybe do something entirely different with the groups direction cause i think skz have a habit of always playing safe and going with whats familiar to them and their fans how does he feel about skz direction and what more does he want to add or do in the near future or does he see himself going into acting and venturing out of the idol image or away from the group?

oh and how does he feel about the complexity of idol performances does he want it to slow down or remain the same? does he feel he gets enough freedom or not enough? what else do i want to know from changbin?

U don't know how happy i am to finally see a Changbin request😍😮‍💨 THANK YOU!!!

Changbins thoughts about idols with lazy scandals?

He's thought about that and thinks thats an issue that should be observed from multiple perspectives before making a judgement and he thinks a "scandal"/ situation like that has multiple sides to the story and he refrains from making any judgements if he doesn't know the situation himself. Also he thinks thats hardly a scandal and people should revise their (omg his articulation is so specific im cant even keep up, he wants to use words i don't even know, help😭) view of what components make up a scandal (i literary had to go to chatgpt to help me find the right words/expression. Still not satisfied tho, but its better than nothing). If tho it is proven that the idol is lazy performing for solely unprofessional reasons he's not really bothered by it as it doesn't affect him in any way. And if then it has a positive effect on him cuz people who appreciate effort can clearly see the comparison and appreciate his effort even more. He knows he's kept his dignity and pride towards himself and doesn't really care what other people do with themselves.

4oC, The Hermit

How does he feel about skz direction?

He does agree that they stick to whats familiar but he doesn't think thats necessarily a bad thing because that has brought them the success and bag they have today. Which is wonderful! He does wish though, to mix things up every once in a while but i think he wants to talk more about that later on in the reading. He wants to have a bit of darkness and a shocking element to his/their performances and songs, like the sound of the beat, the arrangement and melody, he wants the lyrics to shock and get gasps out of peoples moths. He wants a big reaction out of people that don't even know how to react to what they just heard/saw because its THAT good and THAT different and THAT weird! But more on that later (he keeps saying that and then he keeps on talking😂, i think he's excited)

(Also while he was talking i caught glimpses of his ideas/what he means and i really do hope he gets the opportunity to do something like that either solo or with the group or with other artists but i think we all will need that to come out and will EAT IT UP!!!)

(There's much more hiding in the Card but i feel like if i listen to it all, i'll write this post until tomorrow and won't even come to the rest so for now I'll leave it at that and see what more he has to add in the next questions.)

4oP, WOF, AoS

What does he want to do in the future?

He is actually thinking about it even now in the presence. He's evaluating multiple options and thinking about which one suits him best and will bring him most fulfillment. His focus is for it to bring him inspiration. Meaning he wants to be passionate and burn for his craft, he wants to go inspired to work every day and do something useful and meaningful. He also wants to be authentic, to be himself, to be free and have power in himself. Like have authority over himself? He can choose what he does, how he does it, etc.

2oW, 7oC, THP, PoS

His feelings on the complexity of idol performances

That they take lots of effort and skill. This also means u have to have discipline, u have to invest time, blood, sweat, tears even more, into it. You have to burn for the stage, and when you do you get rewarded. The stage rewards you. The screams rewards you. The praise rewards you. You feel loved and you feel like you did well. You grow and your confidence grows. I don't think he wants performances to get easier, he likes a got challenge and he like a good opportunity to prove himself and his abundant abilities.

The Chariot

Is he satisfied with the amount of freedom he has?

"What freedom?" Ugh😅 i was hoping for something more positive. But to be fair, he explains that even tho he doesn't have freedom he'd like to have thats what "pays the bills" for now - and i actually feel like a more accurate expression would be - serves the wine - cuz the money they get ain't just for bills its for buying cars and purchasing mansions. (I think he's someone that really appreciates money, idk how to explain it but i don't see a shame or something in him abut money like there is with lots of people, for example he has mentioned money several times in the entire reading, he's not focused on it tho, like its not all there is in his mind, but he also doesn't completely shut its existence or importance in certain matters and just makes sure to involve it as it is - a main piece of the picture). Back to the reading - he has much more to show, to offer, to create but the boundaries he finds himself within don't allow him to. I feel like mostly the beautiful and the light and the vanilla is allowed. Only thats approved. And i think he has tried to push (expand is a word he likes the sound more of🌝) the boundaries a bit but he was almost always met with a decline and until now things have been always kept in a pretty aesthetic package. So i wouldn't say he lacks complete freedom like he said in the beginning, he does have certain boundaries within he has freedom of creation but those boundaries have become way too small a long time ago and have begun to even feel suffocating, to the point he often loses his inspiration or desire to work on pieces or projects - as I've read in previous readings. But nonetheless - it pays WELL🌝

Death, 9oP, The World

Anything else he wants to add?

Yes!!! Stay tuned for my boys upcoming projects and look forward to him in the future he's gonna bring something new and fresh to the table and feed the innovation & diversity-starved!!! Basically - i believe he's already making place for something in the future, probably a solo or mixtape or something where he'll blow out mind. I suppose with their new contracts maybe he has negotiated more freedom to himself and his creative endeavors and is excited about the new creational power he now has/will soon have and what he'll do with it.

8oW, The Magician, 5oP, The Emperor

Also a quick disclaimer - the reading became more a channeled reading than a tarot reading so i hope it was still understandable and coherent.

[harmonizedhero]

I think a lot about what happens in stories if instead of the protag being the protag, its someone else. Like, considering the protag being human is important for the plot, what if a pmd protag, or post gameover or true ending colin from changed, or some other character that was human that got turned into something else (maybe with their partners too) ended up in undertale instead of frisk, (and got ported to the world's mechanics of course) like, how would characters react?

Flowey would probably instantly go "who the fuck is this bitch?", he probably knows who a lot of people in the underground are, and would know the replacement protag would be new. Same with toriel, she would realize the person isnt from the ruins. I think other things will clue her in.

Do you think monsters would just know? Or would they have to start a fight first? what about pokemon? Would they have a separate kind of soul in ut? Same with the latex beasts from changed. Would a latex beast be able to infect a monster? Maybe there would be an assimilation route?

What if a pokemon appeared at colins start location in changed? Would latex beasts care as much? Pmd but the protag is a human turned latex beast?

Heck, how different would these stories change if someone like me, who already know how they go, ended up in the protag's position or with the protag? Like, i may not have enough DT to beat the pacifist final boss, and i sure as hell cant do geno, considering i can't even do it in a game. But i'd take different actions, and may end with a different result, for starters, considering that humans used magic to make the barrier, id probably try to learn how to use magic. And id probably try to figure out a way to break the barrier without dying, like maybe trying to shine the power of my soul on asgore after he absorbs the 6 human souls collected, like how kris does for susie for red buster?

Man, this is fun to think about, maybe i should think about these what if various characters joined/replaced other characters more, like siffrin in undertale, or frisk in in stars and time?

[wheelbarrowofstagefourcancer]

Would you enjoy getting cigarettes put out on you? Like if it were by one of ur partners bc I know at least three of them smoke

well i think we’ve all seen how wolvie reacts to that and im positive id react the same way so yes

[lessthanthreelalli]

so vis a vis that last post: ive been thinking about it, and looking through the notes really provides a neat microcosm about how you see people talking about helleno-tourkoi relations, and how it is conceived of as just a silly rivalry based on nothing when like, the greek genocide is still in living memory (though very barely) and the whole kypros situation has yet to be resolved. look, one comment here in the replies:

(to be clear, this nice lady is 100% correct) and a reply to her reply:

this is definitely not what's being referred to here. if you know that the armenian genocide exists, then it really isn't an extreme expectation for you to be at least willing to google if tourkia did that to anyone else, and quickly find an affirmative answer. Like, I'm not gonna waste my time saying why this is offensive, but it's offensive in the same way that saying enosis or even still saying ionia is greek is basically the same as saying that constantinople (istanbul) is still greek and rightfully belongs to the modern state of greece (obviously unreasonable). i try not to get mad on the internet but it is kind of maddening to see. when we talk about tourkia colonizing greece and armenia, we are not talking about the ottoman empire, needless (hopefully) to say.

just another mark on the scoreboard for me wishing that westerners would just all stop talking about greece entirely since they seem entirely incapable of understanding it because their brains are so rotted on the 'western civilization' mythologizing that posits that somehow everywhere west of the bosphorous has some interminable connection to us and therefore already understands us (perhaps better than we understand ourselves) so when talking about greece they just abdicate any responsibility they might otherwise feel they had to be culturally and historically sensitive. like seriously, "tourkia fucked over the armenians but didn't do anything to the greeks" is spectacularly stupid, spectacularly offensive

if any followers (especially mutuals) feel it's stupid that im saying greece was colonized by tourkia, please express yourself, id love to talk about it with you. I know it's something a lot of people react with skepticism to. That being said, if you can believe that tourkia colonized armenia, you can believe the same for greece*

[evildoombringer]

hi nakamura (i'm. not entirely sure which name you prefer to go by,,)

i. don't really know, personally, the depths of hurt that came from min leaving can't claim either. to understand what your going through right now

you both seem really close. it was always funny, to  read ur asks that you'd send i remember reading the "happy morning" one you sent and it had like this image of a smiling kid for some reason, for like a solid 5 months i just thought "oh cool, so that's what they look like:0" before i looked back and thought, "huh wait. they always added (very funny,  mind you) meme/pics to their asks. was that pic a meme too-?" and only then did i realize lmao

looking back on his responses, i can almost hear the amused tone or, however min would react. lol it was nice to see him talking to people who cared about him

im. not really sure what to say, without coming off as like.. pretentious.? but. if i can just assume for one second, from the asks they'd answer of yours, to everything i hear about min from all the people who know him, i. i. assume he really cared for you, and. i assume you cared for him as much.,

i dont. know your situation, at all. min had. already made up his mind when i even found his blog. so, just. i hope you'll be able to make a decision, you'll be. happy with

the future could get better. it could get worse i can't really see which one it'll be. i don't understand how close you and min were, at all but know. you arent alone im not sure, if you need to. understand or know someone to be there for them,but from the looks of it, min was. never really alone if he had you. so,i hope you also know your not alone there'are people here for you

im sorry. this is probably, meaningless to you in hindsight i just. yeah. in the end, whatever you choose is your decision but. your not alone im sorry if this comes off as assuming.  please. feel free to ignore this ask, if it oversteps in anyway or is just uncomfortable. i know sometimes one might just want- to vent and let it all out and the to have that acknowledged or responsded to might be. uncomfortable i. hope i didnt come off that way

but .yeah,

nice to. meet you by thw way. O(∩w∩)O (im sorry the kaomoji is so out of place jhsjsh i just remembered that one ask u sent hh)

hi custard

it hurts that he's gone, obviously, and i just haven't been on Tumblr for a minute, so seeing everything again is having a terrible effect on my psyche (ill live though haha). im just super weird about him and i realize that uhh nobody really knows that. but I'm super . . weird about him and uhhh yeah and um i regret everything lol

im surprised you thought i was a young chinese boy :sob: but. i understand how you could make that.... mistake.....

did you know the :smile: :sob: thing is a discord reference? :sob: is 😭 and :grimace: is 😬. if you're on a phone and u type the emoji out it should probably pop up, and the same thing happened on discord so he. um would do that when posting on Tumblr too out of habit, and i guess it eventually became a Min-Pal staple haha

and yeah he definitely cares about me, and im mad at him because he cares about me and left me his emails and shit to take care of and he did that because he knew im. weird and needed more than old messages and tumblr posts and i . m glad he did do all that and i love having some stuff to hold onto like his Spotify but. it's just upsetting i guess, since you know, id rather have him.

its really funny seeing how other people view him, to me, at least, i guess since i got to see not just him being bad-pathetic but him bad-bad in general (and I'm not going to explain further than this, as i, despite claiming to find it funny, am happier than not that he died with a t least a somewhat positive. Uh. Perception.)

idk I'm not like, a great persoj, and i did Just let him die instead of going to unimaginable lengths. and I regret that everyday, but he was so steadfast. he just didn't care anymore , and he had me to talk to but it was like he didn't care about trying (because once he decided he'd died, what really mattered past that?) Ssorry this is all so congested and contradictory and I make no sense

and, id love to believe you when you say stuff like "you're not alone" but it's terrible because I really am. like it's out of personal fault, but even the people I feel as though I could go to for help, I coukdnt bring myself to,, not when it's anything Too serious,, not to mention the fact I just got dumped because he said I was 'unhealthy' (after 10 months of reassuring me that its ok if I am cuz he'll help... but that's. A whole different thing and has nothing to do with min and I'm just bitter and bringing him up out of.... bitterness.)

and im glad u left the ask mikey i really am

idk it's just kinda sweet. now I feel more like angel and saki..... Auuuhhuhhh

i don't know what to do in any regard currently though so I think I'm just gonna continue mourning something that's been gone for a year now. Someone. and being bitter and upset, and reminiscing and trying his memory into music I like (and emailing my bf. [not considering him an ex] [email cuz he blocked my number] obsessively until he decides to take me back)

[tinywagoncolorbat]

Call me Captain instead

Levi Ackerman x F!Reader

Summary: You've been wanting to experiment more in bed with Levi so you deicide to call him daddy while he was fucking you, He didn't react the way you thought he was going too.

Warning: Nsfw/Smut 18+, Unprotected sex, Mating press, Choking, Dom Levi, Daddy use, Oral (F receving), Petnames

Word Count: 800+

Levi hasn't had too much experience when it comes to sex so he's learning as you guys go on. You've been wanting to experiment more cause you want to know what its like having him completely dominate you.

Tonight you were going to do it. You were laying on your back in your shared bedroom and Levi was laying between your legs swiping his tongue gently over your slit. You started lightly moaning as you reached down and grabbed a handful of his hair driving his tongue deeper.

He continued licking and sucking up your juices until you cam all over his face. He crawled back up to your face looking at you with a smirk while your cum dripped down his chin. "You taste amazing my dear" he purrs out. You wanted to taste yourself on him so you pulled him in for a deep kiss. You licked his lips and he immediately opened his mouth to aloud you tongue in. You fought for dominance but he won.

I was so focused on the kiss that I barley felt his tip run between my folds, catching my clit each time. He broke apart the kiss to look me in the eyes for consent. When I nodded my head he slowly pushed himself inside.

My mouth fell open in a silent moan as he fully sheathed himself inside of me, After a few minutes of adjusting I let him know he could start moving. When he did he slowly pulled himself out to the tip and push in hard. My head fell back as I started moaning. He continued doing this but kept the same slow pace.

It was almost painful at how slow he was being. You finally get sick of the slow pace and decided to go for it now. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull his head now so his ear is right next to your mouth.

"Harder daddy" you moan directly in his ear.

He instantly stopped moving and looked at you. He slightly scrunched his face up like he was disgusted by the name.

"Why would you call me that?" He asked while looking at you with a puzzled expression.

"Well um." you started "Some people get turned on by that and I wanted to experiment a bit so I thought id try it"

He looked that you a little bit longer, then he sat up a bit adjusting his position. he shifted inside you hitting your soft spot and you let out a loud moan. He took that chance to shove his ring and middle finger in your mouth. Just as you looked back at him he leaned down to your ear.

"Daddy just sounds gross to me, Why not just call me captain" He whispered.

You let out a little whimper and he felt you clamp down on him. He slowly started moving again and he continued with his slow pace.

You whimpered again and looked at him with pleading eyes. He started chuckling at you. "If you want something then ask for it" he teased you.

"Please fuck me harder captain" You choked out as hit your soft spot again, And with that he started pounding into you at an animalistic pace. You started screaming loud enough for the neighbors to hear as the headboard started beating against the wall.

He put one hand on the back of your thigh pushing them up hitting even deeper inside of you making your toe curl. He took his other hand wrapping it around your throat.

"Is this wanted you wanted you little slut" He groaned Going impossibly faster.

"Y-yes" you moaned out as you started seeing stars at how hard he was going. You could feel your orgasm quickly approaching.

After a few more minute you were about to cum. "Captain can i please cum" You beg. He groans at the nickname.

"Go ahead darling" He says as he pushes you into a mating press and going as deep as he can hitting your soft spot repetedly.

You come so hard that the room is spinning. Levi lets out a low moan as he feels you cum around him as he can fell his high.

As your coming down from your high he continues to fuck you at a fast pace to reach his end. "I want you to come inside of me" you barley get out.

Just as he heard that Levi lets out a moan followed by curses as he cums deep inside of you.

Once he comes down from his high he pulls out of you. You sigh as you clenched around nothing. He left the room as you lid there trying to catch your breath. A few minutes later he comes back with a damp cloths in his hands and some fresh sheets in the other. He helps you clean up and changes the bedsheets.

Once there on you both lay down with his arms wrapped around your waist. "Were going to have to experiment more often he says to you. He leaves a kiss on your forehead and you started to drift off to sleep.

[palant1r]

So jumping off the fematsuda ask... who are the least misogynistic characters in death note? I think light is obviously one of the MOST... that man can fit so much misogyny in him

Hm. This is a good question, considering even characters that aren't overtly misogynistic are suffused with Death Note's background miasma of misogyny. The obvious answer is minor characters like Gevanni that don't get a chance to say or do anything misogynistic due to lack of screen time, but I'm disqualifying them unless there's some other factor that leads me to label them as Based. Also, when a character takes actions that offer up an opportunity for some Male Gaze stuff, I'm only counting that against them if that was a part of their motivation. I'm also not putting women on the list just for being women — they have to be Feminist about it

Some candidates:

Mello - Ok, yeah, sure. He did a lot of bad things to a lot of women. Mello is NOT based, nor is he a #win for feminism. But all of his Very Bad Actions towards women have a specific strategic purpose that don't seem to involve a belief in womens' inherent inferiority. Him kidnapping, cuffing and stripping Takada was NOT based. However, it shows that he saw her as a legitimate threat to be taken seriously, rather than just dismissing the danger she might pose simply because of her gender. If Takada had been a man, it would have made sense for him to do the same thing, though it probably wouldn't have happened that way for Doylesian reasons. Also very even-handed toward Naomi in his narration of LABB afaik

Ide - While he's still cavalier about Light's treatment of Misa and Takada like the rest of the task force, he seems to take it a BIT more seriously. Also IIRC he doesn't really say a lot of OVERTLY sexist stuff, which automatically puts him in a good position.

Matsuda - Similar to Ide, but a notch below because of how he treats Light's treatment of Misa and Takada like a soap opera and his flirting with Sayu. Gang, the bar is pretty low here for "least misogynistic character in death note."

Mogi - Hm, might be at the top of the task force actually. Isn't around for Light's manipulation of Takada, so we don't know how he would have reacted. Cooks for Misa, both subverting gender roles and serving a woman, which is #feminist #praxis in action.

Beyond Birthday — Horrible person, but equal opportunity about it? Loses points for the panty stuff I vaguely remember. But gains points for taking Naomi seriously as a proxy for L — a great honor and respect coming from him, given his worship of L

Naomi - I mean, what do I need to say here? She's a total girlboss, and the closes O&O get to a well-written female character. Probably the winner, tbh. Her, Mello, L and Beyond all get a major boost from the LABB book, which is WAY less misogynist than the Death Note main canon. But L isn't on this list because of his treatment of Misa.

Ok, I think I've gotten all my thoughts out. I have decided that the top three least misogynistic characters are Naomi, Mogi and Mello. Feel free to discuss and disagree.

[cosmica-galaxy]

I was thinking back on that one post where I talked extendedly about a young player finding themselves in Nevada. And although they wouldn't want to bring attention to themselves and this concept would probably fit another character better I still thought it was neat.

So you know how there's hotkeys in games to help the player make instant commands, and the player in this scenario can't make a command without saying a certain phrase out loud where everyone can hear. What if, knowing that, they made their own hotkey that's an overseer of their surroundings, reacting accordingly to any danger that might rear its ugly head when the player isn't aware or paying attention. Creating a brand new key stone, albeit much smaller than the halo. Like this picture that I was inspired by https://www.tumblr.com/fluffymintz/720867072506314752/sixpenceee-16th-century-ring-that-unfolds-into. Each ring corresponds to a command ready to go if there is a potential threat, like “god_mode”, “stop_time” or “teleport”. Anything that could help the player and simultaneously not be a detriment to the grunts surrounding them. Because if the ring were to respond to the players growing anxiety instead of the people around them and one of the commands was “kill_all” then that would only cause more problems, and anxiety.

Though if the player were to make it into a halo then I can imagine the multiple rings shifting and moving when it's in use, like an end crystal.

The way the player knows that one of the commands has been activated is through changes only they can feel or see. For god mode i headcanons that when it's activated not only do they lose the ability to feel pain and become invincible but they lose the sense of touch, smell and taste. While freezing time is more visually apparent when it's on, their vision turns slightly darker and grainy but not by much, another indicator that time has stopped is, well, the non moving people, cars etc. And teleporting is very obvious, it activates when the player falls from a great height.

Another piece of equipment that I thought would be interesting for the player to have is something akin to an encyclopedia. Except instead of it already having every known knowledge written down the player has to actively seek out the object of interest and scan it, like that one device in thaumcraft, the thaumometer. Id imagen that it can be folded into a smaller more portable form, perhaps it could be disguised as an armband. Much like the thaumometer it has gems (or whatever you want them to be) decorating its edges, they serve a purpose. If the player were to just point the thing at something or someone without one of the colorful rocks pointing upwards they would get basic information about the object. For example, height, age or if it was an item, date of its creation and how much durability is left. But if one of the things were pointing upwards then they would get more specific information about one topic. Haven't really thought about all of them but here's a few.

Red: Reveals how many this person has killed or injured, how many times they have potentially died or still carry injuries that haven't healed. With objects it's more about how dangerous they are, how strong you need to be to carry them etc.

Green: Shows a person's family tree and relations with others. Though objects aren't made the same way grunts are, they still were made or were shaped overtime, so instead of a family tree there's a timeline from its creation to now.

Blue: Reveals the person's self and what they believe in, their personality, goals, what they fight for or don't, their core elements. While for objects this shows why they were made, with what intent and purpose.

Yellow: I'm still debating about this one but I think it would be neat if it showed how a thing could hurt the player or affect them positively, or what this person's intentions are with the player.

There are two left which I can't for the life of me figure out the use of, so if you have any ideas then go right ahead, if not then thanks for reading this anyhow.

I actually really LOVE this idea! I get Magiturge vibes from this pile of informatione` and I am HERE for it! Let the Player be a mage or magical! As for them having a bestiary, I think it would be awesome and amazing! I like to visualize that the book is primarily made of blank pages, but it has sections that need to be filled in. Once the entity is encountered, the pages of the book slowly begin to fill up. There would be sections of the book dedicated to information about the entities and what catagory they fit under. Like grunt, undead, mutant, MAG, employers, or "unknown entities". The more they fight them, the better and more detailed the book entries becomes. I'm also imagining them having magical-like items that inspire their powers and behaves like multiple conduits for their code-manipulating abilities. You can also broaden this idea with summons and magical trinkets that are associated with the Player's world. Like the zodiacs or star maps of our reality. Imagine that. Player that's a fucking beast of a mage. Amazing!

[tears-of-boredom]

oh my god this fucking tumblr dash i frogort aobut it already and my figner are fucking freezing so i cant tyoe for shit

anyways so i was browsing like you know one of those websites that streams a bunch of shit for free, and i saw a show called BEEF, just BEEF, it wasnt an acronym or anything. so fo course i had to see what was up duh?? so i finished the first episode. and i fucking love it. i mean the whole time i was lowkey chanting "kill someones kill someone kill someone" but you know how good media does that to you right. but yeah so when the episode finished, i noticed that my heart was beating really fast, like as if id drunk coffee. like lowkey i wouldnt have been surprised if i had passed out onto my desk. but so if my bodys reaction to the show is anything, i enjoyed it. im going to watch the next episode when i either A: feel like i can handle my pulse rising like that again without freaking out or B: i wanna get an adrenaline rush because im really depressed and need to feel something. but yeah this is totally just like that time i watches thor ragnarok, and it took like multiple weeks for me to get through it because i just couldnt handle tom hiddleston. but thsi time i refuse to believe that its any of the actors. i am trying to convince myself that im not that shallow. tbh i just loved the last scene where uhh,,, hold on whats her name okay its Amy. so i loved that scene where she got to fuel all her anger into running after Danny and yelling shit at him. like i know its not for a good reason but i feel like my girl really needed just some way to let some steam out. anyways yeah i am going to go read something that i give zero shits about now because my body is still on alert from that. it feels like im planning on having a voluntary social interaction with someone, which i am not. aka i am anxious as fuck but in this way where i kinda dont want to be, but my body just reacts so strongly that i really cant fight it. ya know social anxiety. except sometimes its triggered by just a good tv series.

honestly its probably just that im excited, because that episode was good,, but because this jittery and kind of stressed feeling isnt really like, often present in my life in a positive way, i just can't tell excitement apart from anxiousness. ya know. normal " i have awful social anxiety" things. or more like "i am severely mentally ill and am not getting the treatment i need" kind of things. pick one. or both. tbh the adults suggested uhh like occupational therapy, and i got a list of therapists from my doctor. but my trust in any kind of help the adults try to give me is so fucking deteriorated that i cant imagine it ever actually helpoing me. and if i told that to an adult i know they would say some shit like " well i f you go in all negative of course its notgonna work!! you gotta want to heal for it to work" and oh my god im drviing myself into abreakdown here so haha i wish that the adults would fucking understand that i fucking have severe anxietyy and trust issues. and that not believing a form of therapy is going to help me, isnt the same thing as not wanting to be helped. do you fucking know how badly i jsut want someone to finally give me some type of actual support or aid or help oh my god. okay my fingers are getting really aggressive on the keyboard. im gonna go fr now. i fucking hate adults. and im tired. and i have trust issues. and i ahve anxiety. and while my medication does help me to go about my day a bit easier, because i dont find myself digging mental holes for myself. it doesnt help for shit when im in a situation that in and of itself is anxiety inducing for me. and i dont fucking like how i cant tell the difference in my mood between the lighter and stronger dose. because i cant fucking say that its not heloing. because i dont know that. oh my god i am so horrible at stopping myself from venting. going now. okay. bye.