#i know i dont usually post irl pics but I really wanted to share

[c4yp71d]

MY STICKERS CAME IN FROM @ringkledinkle !!!!!! IM ACTUALLY JUMPING FOR JOY OMG

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH OMG OMG OMG I LOVE THEM

[fashion4standusers]

i hope this request isnt too out of left field, but do you have any references for piercing jewelry, preferrably multiple ear piercings? funny enough this is actually for me irl, as i intend to get more piercings done but most of the references i find are kind of, tame? and more dainty than i usually like. i like to go into things with at least some idea of a desired end result- but i get it if piercings or recent piercing photos squick you out too bad, or if you dont feel like this is close enough to your wheelhouse!

not my typical request but i like it! i personally don't have a problem with piercings/body mods but I'm gonna put everything under a cut here for the sake of any followers who might have issues with pictures and discussion of needles, piercing, and slightly more extreme procedures.

So, what you described is basically the majority of what i look at on pinterest! I am also currently working on my ear setup (in its infancy, admittedly, i only have double lobes and an industrial but i want to get waaaaay more when i have the time and money!) and i prefer really big, unique pieces over dainty/minimalist ones. Obviously, I'm no professional, so my word isn't gospel and you should ALWAYS do good research and consult a professional before you make any decisions, but i sure have ideas!

I'll get the really extreme one out of the way first and talk about coin slots, bc i'm obsessed with them. It's considered more of a body mod than a piercing because it's completed via cartilage removal and definitely not offered by every piercing studio (and it's actually illegal in some places, so REALLY do your research on this one!). I don't know if i can truly recommend it to you because of this, but if you find someone who knows what they're doing and you think you can handle it, i think it looks incredible. I'd LOVE to get one when I'm out of school and have the money!

(source)

(source)

I mentioned Pinterest but it's also worth checking out the subreddits (yeah yeah i know, reddit) for piercing and body mods-- the people there are usually professionals and enthusiasts so their taste is a bit more out there and unique than what you'll find on a google image search. If you search by popular -> all time you should be able to find the good stuff without sorting through all the text posts.

Other than that, I think the best I can do is give you some of the setups that I have saved for inspiration! it sounds like we have similar tastes so maybe i can interest you in what interests me :D since these are coming from pinterest the sourcing may not be perfect but I'll link you back to the pins themselves-- that way you can look at the related images and find even more ideas similar to the ones you like.

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Also while i'm on the subject, i might as well share my experience getting an industrial piercing (the bar that goes across the upper cartilage of your ear like in the fourth pic) for anyone reading this who might be considering it :P For me, it did NOT hurt when it was happening and there was actually very little blood, BUT the pain set in after about 20-30 mins and the first 24 hours after that were a little gnarly in terms of pain, i had to pop a decent amount of ibuprofen. You have to be super careful with it for a long time and it'll easily take a year or longer to heal (i'm on 7 months). Even after months, it will hurt like a BITCH if you hit it/put pressure on it by accident (THINK TWICE WHEN YOU GO IN FOR A HUG WITH SOMEONE. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.) It's also probably best for people with short short hair because longer hair will get caught pretty often. With ALL that said, i do still really love the way it looks and I can't wait for it to be fully healed! I've wanted one since high school and it makes me happy that i finally got one. So, it's definitely worth it if you really want it BUT you should be aware that the healing process is NOT a walk in the park. Hopefully someone reading this was on the fence before and this helped them make a choice, who knows lol

[eightfinity]

Check in tag!

I was tagged by @cheolgyu ty dreamy, I love tag games !! ☺️💖

Why did you choose your url?

so this wasnt my original url I used to be wonboowoo cause I ulted seungkwan (boo) and wonwoo (won woo) but then I started to ult minghao so I added him in to get xuboowoo. I actually only ult minghao in svt now I think but I’ve had the url so long and I still love the other two so I’m not going to change it haha

Any side blogs? If you have them: name them and why you have them.

so not on THIS blog. my last blog before I had to remake had two storage blogs for creations that are still accessible @wonboowoosvt for my gifs and @wonboowoomood for when I made moodboards (maybe I’ll start again?) but since they’re not connected to this blog anymore I can’t update them anymore they’re dead :((

How long you’ve been on tumblr?

uhhhh so 2018 for kpop blogs but like I’ve been on and off using tumblr since like 2012 (personal blogs and sad attempts at aesthetic and manic street preachers fan blogs)

Do you have a queue tag?

I used to use “mind your p’s and queues” but everything sits in queue so I just don’t feel like there’s a point to add a queue tag anymore

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

the biggest part is I wanted to learn how to make and then share gifs within the svt fandom but I also wanted a place to interact with fans peacefully because the only other place I had been doing so was amino apps and people are SIGNIFICANTLY younger than me there for the majority and I had been made fun of for my age and liking kpop before there, tumblr is much more peaceful and friendly (and fck twitter that place is a cesspool I don’t partake in much fandom stuff there)

Why did you choose your icon?

I was trying out themes that let me put pics in the sidebar and I wanted a really cool minghao picture but I ended up picking a layout where the picture is much smaller and when I saw that I was like ooo cool that could be my icon, I wanted a hao icon of some sort

Why did you choose your header?

I don’t have a header here rn but I’m probs going to go back to the header I used on the last blog with a pic of seungkwan and minghao from ideal cut that someone kindly made for me (when I put it up they’ll be linked in my bio for credit, check them out !!)

What’s your post with the most notes?

so since again, this is a remade blog, I’m going to use the post from my original blog that has 3k jun.exe has stopped working

How many mutuals do you have?

if I counted right I have 31 mutuals :))

How many followers do you have?

so my original blog had 2.1k but rn since I’ve remade its 85 😔

How many people do you follow?

right now only 70 blogs, I’m deff looking for more to follow

Have you ever made a shitpost?

probably? idk what qualifies as a shit post

How often do you use tumblr each day?

a lot, I’m on consistently through the day cause I use it and make gifs between work calls since I work from home, I’m trying not to spend as much time on it at night so I can get irl things done and break away from the computer for a bit

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

none that I know the names of, I’ve argued with anons over voting and streaming culture (and will fight anyone on how stupid it is) and I argued with someone cause I said “I’m not a dreamie but this is so not cool” when I saw that video of renjun stuck in the rain without a car to get into waay back (that was debunked I think?) cause they didn’t like that I pointed out I wasn’t in the fandom (my point was that anyone can recognize the situation was messed up and I actually do like some nct dream songs so its not like I hate them)

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

ehhhhhh I kinda hate them? BUT I’ve used tumblr on and off for a looooooong time and seen SO MANY really stupid ones. I guess some political ones are good but idk, I know the intent is to spread info but I don’t see tumblr as an effective platform for that personally

Do you like tag games?

YES !!I really enjoy tag games, they’re usually really fun ways to get to know the other ppl on the platform

Do you like ask games?

ALSO YES !! but I never get asks when I post them waaah

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

uhhhhh I’m gonna say kevin and dreamy lmao y’all make so much content and I know one of your follower counts so I deff would call you tumblr famous (thank you for all you’re creations you guys always make incredible things !!)

Do I have a crush on a mutual?

nope. first dont know anyone my age here who is also male. second I have a boyfriend. third I just care for everyone in a very very platonic friend way no romantic crushes here :))

Tags?

uhhhhh so many ppl are tagged already sooooo hmmmmm I’m not checking who and I’ll mix it up so I’ll just tag @middle-of-a-wonshua-sandwich @bookwan @heonyz @jeonghanmoon @adorablehoshi @minghaon @kyeomblr @shuaway aaaaaaaaaaaaaand @jung-subins and @seungssik gotta get some victon mutuals in here lol

IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE TAGGED IN THINGS LIKE THIS PLEASE LET ME KNOW !!!

[eternal-bangtan]

hi! i'm a new fan from feb &i have no idea who to ask and i know u been a fan for a long time so maybe u could help me? please? could u walk me through FESTA? i want to know few things: from the timeline, which days would u gather be most "important days"? (i work 4 shifts a week so i can maneuver days off for the important days) based on past FESTA, do they also surprise us with any further events\videos\vlives that aren't in the timeline? I watched past dinner parties on yt, will there be one?

hello! not that long tbh dhshsh i witnessed only 2018 and 2019 festa but i can try to help even tho i dont think im the right person for it lol

tbh im not even sure if u really need a day off for this cuz if u have sth really important irl u can look at pics and watch vids a lil later when u can right even tho yeah u said u can maneuver them ALTHOUGH there r at least two things this time that cant be classified as pics or vids ‘still with u’ and ‘we r bulletproof the eternal’ and it has lil petals near it???? tf???? no one has any ideas what can it be so maybe its those ‘important days’ ? the most fun about it is the fact that they drop sth new and u can share ur love here with others and discuss and cry and scream and shower with love and spam with lil moments if u consider this experience as important maybe u should have a day off after all hahah

and basically there r gonna be only events that r mentioned in the timeline and ‘dinner parties’ were also a part of timeline and this time i think its this

also they usually drop lil teasers for ‘dinner parties’ (with highlights) its the only thing that is not a part of timeline oh also someday in 4-5 months lmao they will post behind the scenes of shootings (ok maybe earlier or maybe in 84 years)

[guktwt]

love yourself tour experience! ♡  japan and singapore

hi! so i’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while on twitter but i hate twitter rn so here i am. this january i was blessed with the opportunity to attend love yourself in nagoya (japan) and singapore and honestly? it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i wanted to share my experience because really, concerts in japan and everywhere are else are so different, right from ticketing and the show itself. i thought you guys would find it interesting? and also i need to let this out ahhh keeping to myself is not going to do me any good :( anyways, i hope you find this post somewhat entertaining 💞

under the cut because this got really long sorry 

♡ love yourself in nagoya ♡

first of all, tickets. getting concert tickets (and any ticket, really) in japan is tricky. most kpop groups in japan have a fanclub and if you’re a member, you get the benefit of applying for tickets first (like a presale!). did i say apply? yes i did. in japan, ticketing for concerts adopts a lottery system for presale and general sales usually a month later. 

for presale through fc, you’d have to apply for a lottery on a website and wait to find out if you win or not. you need a fc membership (paid), which also needs you to have a japanese phone number and address in order to apply. and you HAVE to pay your presale tickets in japan because you need to pay them in a convenient store. complicated, i know. FC presale tickets usually give the best seats. there’s no gurantee, but that’s usually the case. fortunately for me, i have a cousin residing in japan to help me with the address (you really need it, they’re going to ship you your membership card) and i found someone on twitter to help me make the payment. if you a apply for lottery, there’s no guarantee you’ll win. so you can apply as many times as you want with a maximum of 2 tickets for each shows. i think i used up all of my luck with this one [sobs]. FC presales usually have more than one round lotteries. 

general sales is much simpler. i dont have enough experience to know the details but it’s usually up on japanese ticketing websites and can use credit cards? dont know if foreign ccs are accepted though. 

oh and all tickets for all sections cost the same!!! so doesn’t matter if you get the best view or worst it’s all equal 

/if you have more questions about this don’t hesitate to send me an ask i don’t know much but i’ve read a lot about it/

you can’t know your seat until a week (or a month? idk) before the concert, when it’s time for you to print your tickets at the same convenient store (yes you have to print them and you can only do it once so don’t lose the damn thing!!). my seat was really good!!! i didn’t get floor sadly but my section was right in front of the extended stage so i got a great view. 

i arrived in nagoya a day before the concert (i spent a week in tokyo beforehand) and queued for merch!!! it was winter so it wasn’t hot at all and the japanese really know how to line up. everything is so organized like??? i was so amazed. i spent a good 4 hours queueing before getting my items and even then a lot of the things i wanted were sold out quickly :( 

and then comes the concert day!!!! basically since it was all seating tickets i didn’t have to worry about queueing for entry but i did queue for merch again,,,, from 4 am. let me tell you how devoted people are there when it comes to queueing. some actually stayed from the afternoon? and it was winter. crazy. 

i entered the dome an hour before the show started and the staff were so kind and helpful whenever i asked for help (i couldn’t find my seat). and everyone around is so kind and warm :( i didn’t really interact with a lot of people due to the language barrier but they’re so . polite. 

and moving on to the show!!!!!! japan has strict rules about recording so i couldn’t do any of that [:(] but honestly it just made me enjoy everything better. of course they were amazing on stage and their japanese were so cute :( i still can’t get over nagoya, nekkoya my pure babies!!! 

and uh . taehyung. so damn fine. can’t believe i was part of the first people to see him reveal his blue hair. and i can’t stress this enough but his gaze when he looks at the audience... i felt the love and fondness in his eyes i wanted to CRY. 

and jimin!!! was so clingy towards joon the whole night ugh we love a baby koala. and jungkook :( he introduced himself as kookoo im so fucking sad. the second he said kookoo desu i was ready to give up my firstborn for him. 

hoseok was a fucking machine. he’s so charismatic on stage i can’t handle him. and seokjin was full on crackhead mode :( we stan a whole legend i love love him so much. my mans yoongi was so?? small yet not??? i wanna put him in my pocket. my mans joon was looking like a whole snacc. all legs and dimples.  

honestly what struck me the most was how everyone gave seokjin a standing ovation and applause after epiphany???? that was my first time seeing something like that and i just started tearing up because it was so beautiful. people were so respectful they didn’t scream or shout when bangtan were doing their ending ments. the fanchants were absolutely on point!!! whenever bangtan bowed i actually spotted some people in my section bowing in return and i was !!!! oh my god 

but on another note you’d think that japanese fans are quiet during shows but theyre really not. they’re loud as hell too they just know when to shut up and listen and i think that’s beautiful. 

the whole thing passed by really quickly. i felt hollow and empty by the time it ended but i have to say that it was the most relaxing and chill concert experience i’ve ever had. it just feels so different than my previous concerts. the only downside about it is the no recording part (i could’ve been sneaky but staff was right in front of my section) i guess. but without worrying about my phone i got to watch them perform. like actually watch them. it felt euphoric. 

♡ love yourself in singapore ♡

ah. 

so for singapore, i got cat 1 purple 2 tickets at first. but because me and my friend wanted yellow initially, we managed to find someone who wanted to trade with us. 

i arrived at the venue at 6 am because i had to distribute banners and fans for my fan support. here’s a pic of them!!!! 

basically for standing ticket holders we were required to queue by 12:30 pm and fortunately my qn got the indoor holding area so i didn’t stay under the heat for long. we started moving to the venue at around 3 or 4 pm even thought they said it would be 2:30 pm. because my qn was large by the time i got inside all the good spots were already taken :( i ended up at the very back sigh and we had to wait for another 2-3 hours before the show starts. it was hot and everyone was thirsty. some people in the pit wanted to sit down but some also stood up so it was rlly cramped :/ 

everyone was hyped tho even when mvs were played. and then when the lights dimmed and the show finally started was where things got really,,, rowdy. when the first beat of idol played everyone pushed forward??? the amount of times i got squished and elbowed and pushed aside... man it was hectic. if you’re claustrophobic please do NOT go for standing in concerts. 

but that aside of course it was amazing loud and crazy. there were accidents here and there. at one point several people actually fell down but everyone helped everyone up. some people got mad and started yelling and others but that’s understandable. it was hot and cramped of course you’d get cranky. 

funny story i got my period two hours before the show and basically bled through my vagina for 3 hours as i watched 7 fine men go off on stage. 

but anyways. 

me and my friend managed to finesse our way from the back row to the third row because we’re amazing. no we did not push if you were there the pit was always moving so we just. squeezed through i guess. i was so fucking tired but when so what came on i forgot that my pants were like fucking soaked and just jammed the fuck out with everyone. they got really close to my section during this and i cant believe i got to see taejin dance together like clubbing buddies. jin is so goofy!!!!!! 

oh but fuck you guys jimin up close is ethereal. he looks so fucking unreal i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him throughout the whole thing. none of the pictures can ever do his beauty justice. he’s so fucking beautiful and i was starstruck. and he sang promise!!! i fucking couldn’t believe he did it. one word to describe him is definitely godly. 

namjoon was so hyped and loud too :( gosh he’s so adorable. hoseok looked crazy beautiful up close too. his aura.... fucking amazing. YOONGI ALSO MADE THE CUTEST EXPRESSION AFTER JIMIN SANG PROMISE I SQEUALED. gosh i was actually really close despite not getting barricade i feel like crying thinking about it now. 

jungkook went so close to my section during so what i got a good fancam of him that i can’t stop watching :( jimin slipped during dna my poor baby but he just laughed it off :(((( 

they all looked prettier irl tbh. they have such nice skin??? and all that shit about jimin being short... well guess what fuckers he’s all LEGS. man. i think i left that stadium as a jimin stan. 

taehyung’s so hot i wanna die n i want the whole of rapline to spit on me thx.

fun times aside the pit is hell. luckily the staff were responsible and gave us drinks after each set of performances. and everyone kind of just understood each other. whenever someone looked like they were about to faint people asked if they were okay. we helped each other and gave each other drinks. at one point during the show i crouched down because i was exhausted and someone asked if i was okay or if i wanted some candy. 

hellish experiences aside, there’s a mutual understanding between everyone in the pit. like, we’re in this together. i’m sweaty and thirsty and tired but i’m here for one thing and so is everyone else. it’s a good feeling. i mean, yeah, i was drenched in sweat and water but. it’s a good feeling. here are some pics!!!! (i have more videos bu t i cba to tak e screenshots ajsjs sorry)

also met some of my twitter mutuals <3 love u guys 

perhaps this is it for my experience post? yeah you can see how different nagoya and singapore were. it was exciting to be able to experience them both. now back to my post concert depression and withdrawal :(

[blancapadlla]

merry christmas, diana!

surprise! im ur secret santa! im sorry! this is a really lame gift and i was gonna send you something, but u know? plans change, people change. and i was thinking like? if im being  honest? i was being too ambitious thinking that i was gonna send you something like i still have the gift i bought you for your birthday (LAST YEAR! IT’S NOT EVEN FROM THIS YEAR! IT’S FROM LAST YEAR!) and like? me? shipping things out? in a box? going to the mail service place? me? when i dont even have a license to go myself? i’ve had a note in my phone where it has your address saved and telling me to ship out your gift but literally? where is the gift? in my closet. and i thought “wow i can ship her something i buy from amazon and just ship it to her house!” but then i was like? bitch if u do that then what about her physical gift? are u just gonna buy it twice? waste ur money like that bc ur a dumb ass who cant go to the mail service that ships things? dumb. anyways i don’t really know where i was going with that i feel like i had a plan but after typing all that i  kinda forgot so aha x moving on!

under the cut is ur letter xx

diana, diana, diana. our one and only libra, ½ of the goblin sisters (theres 7 of us but like. u and xan are the only ones like BLOOD blood related to each other but we’re all like. blood sisters still bc we upgraded to a cult earlier this year), the og pink aesthetic (i say og bc tien always tried to steal ur aesthetic in ur absence), miss immortal emo goffix herself, the most likely to become  instagram famous, a tru sailor moon fan (sailor venus thats u), the gaming sister, an actual crackhead, most likely to get a sugar daddy first, backseat/car survivor, and the goblins resident fashionista w the fits!

merry christmas and happy new years! or late christmas and new years because we’re sharing this jan 5th?? either way im sorry this is such a lame gift i was gonna do what i usually do which is a set with 10 favs, but i know lana is ur ult og so i was just like?? ill make her a lana set that’s kinda aesthetic but u kno aesthetics r hard idk how u do it like. i see the series u make n im just in awe like ! o she’s TALENTED talented! ugh we STAN! im forever grateful that ur in my life and that we got together 4/5 years ago. i dont express it much but i love u so much and im so so grateful for u. ur kind sweet funny SMART! understanding daring n v witty/sassy/idk what word to use???? i love seeing ur pics on insta and ur vlogs in the snapchat group chat. i see pink n i just think of u bc pink really is u n ur color like i just associate that color w u now. and lana like i see lana n i see u. i love seeing how passionate u get over certain things and ranting w u whenever the  goblins choose to rant about something (especially political rants) r always  my favorite bc we can  just talk n let it out n hearing what u have to say is so interesting n cool bc wow ur so young but ur so involved like i remember when u helped do that campaign thingy for (bernie? i think? idk  i just remember u passing something out but its still involvement!) and u also care so much like! LOVE that STAN that! idk what ive mentioned bc im forgetting while i write this but! i know u dont open up alot bc ur a libra n thats how u r naturally but know that im grateful n happy whenever u do choose to open up n its ok that u dont open up often like! we can wait whenever u ready n comfy to tell us u know bc its always gonna b ur own choice when u wanna tell us something n we’re always gonna wanna kno n hear when ur ready! we stan a private queen who lets us know when she wants stan understanding privacy bc thats allowed! always!  

since i couldn’t ship u a present like i wanted because im a dumb bitch who still hasnt sent in yout 18th birthday present, heres a pinterest board made just for u. in the like. non section area is just the general aesthetic  i have in my mind for u which is literally just pink and glitter. n theres like a pic of a knife in pink n i think thats u bc u know. pink n girly but also edgy n could cut a bitch if needed u feel? n then i added sections of ur favs and ill update  the pinterest every now n then n u can look back if u ever feel like it u kno? the board will always b up for u love  u 

i think im just rambling at this point but basically i love u sm and all the memories we’ve made in the past 4/5 years from the night goblin calls/chats to the many rps we’ve been together in to the minecraft days and BOTH of us suffering bc aye and tien dont know how to NOT  kill each other and since we always end up rooming w the killers its our stuff that gets  destroyed too like. u n me r just tryna have cute rooms n w the aesthetics but literally aye n tien just wanna play w lava INSIDE n ugh rip us for suffering we really r done dirty huh. anyways love u so much im sorry for such a lame gift difosjdfiosd i love u im sorry love u love u love u i hope ur 2019 is filled with love and gratitude n happiness and u can end the year feeling satisfied. im here for u always even if i dont express it all the time n im always rooting for u n ill always b on ur side always ok love u infinitely long time no going back xx

i just remembered this out of no where but also love u so much thanks for being a rich bitch with me like… ur a fashionista irl and online and im only a fashionista online but wow…. us on imvu were so iconic.. the rich bitches ugh LOVE that for us love u thats its i really hope i remember to  unprivate the pinterest board n link it here before we post wow love u so  much thank u for relating to the thirst thing w u kiss kiss 

[himenation]

MONSTA X 2ND WORLDTOUR IN AMSTERDAM (LIVE REPORT) - AFAS 20.06.2018

This is a long live report containing things how I even became a fan, to the AMAAAAAZING (not) queue, setlist, live, m&g and random moments. All fan cams and fanpics are uploaded on my twitter which I linked in this post too!

I went to Monsta X’s 2nd Worldtour in Amsterdam this month! I started to get to know Monsta X during their Beautiful promotions and when I heard they would come to Europe the first time (in 2017), I was doubting whether I should go or not. I knew like 10 songs and another fan could go instead of me. It was not close anyway, so I decided to take part in the campaign for Amsterdam. For people who don’t know MMT. MMT is a fan dedicated promoter, in which you can request an artist to come to your city and if you have enough ‘makes’ (so points) they’ll talk with the artist. 

Anyways, I took part in the campaign in august 2017. Uni was about to start and I kinda forgot about the lives for a while. Until it was around the DRAMARAMA period (and their first win omg!), I followed them again; so after their MBC performance, I got a text message from MMT that they’re starting to talk to MONSTA X. At this point I would give this presale code to somebody else, but I didn't know when the actual concert was supposed to be so I waited. So while I was waiting for their JEALOUSY comeback, I started to watch their shows because I was bored and I LITERALLY FELL INTO THE FANDOM (and not just the music). I loved these guys so much? They were so precious and funny. I really wanted to see them live and regretted not going to the Beautiful Tour. So for their Jealousy comeback, I even bought The Connect; I texted every time they had a show and streamed their MVs so they could win another win (and they did!) (I've only done this for BTS before). So just around the time of the MV release, they announced they would be coming to AMSTERDAM. I was so happy. Flash forward to the ticket sale: I went to uni early, had a computer; laptop and my phone ready and immediately bought 2x VIP tickets!!

After counting down the days to the concert, I was finally here. I couldn't wait to hear Destroyer and Lost In the Dream live (My fav songs of the new album). Fans were allowed to queue from 11, but no-one seemed to listen to it :’) Every standing type had to get a wristband (VIP included). So I was kinda late and arrived at 12 , but my wristband number was 139. I quickly had sushi with my sister at ICHI-e and went to Starbucks (and a grocery store) to get some food and drinks for the queue. Just when we were about to leave the restaurant, I got a message from MMT that they messed up the wristband numbers for VIP and it was now FCFS (First Come first Serve). It was also the hottest day of the week, yippie :’)

Queue The queue was one big mess... Fans were incredibly rude and mean and staff didn’t do anything about it either. Girls were screaming at the security and talking very rudely, fans saying to each other ‘shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down’ (this is an actual phrase someone was screaming behind me). The venue staff gave us WATER IN A BUCKET and it wasn't until a monsta x staff came and gave everyone bottles. I also met two very sweet fansites! They gave out free stuff and were overall very sweet! They talked a lot to us and were next to us in the queue. We also met two friends who wanted to go to their friends, but since people were rude; my sis stopped them and they were next to us. Even though we were strangers, me and my sis shared our food and drinks with them. During the queue certain people started to push fans and we told them to stop and they started to fight with us??? and basically telling us ‘are you blind’ :)) (also they thought the fansites were Korean so they were all nice to them but shitty to other people, but the fansites turned out to be Chinese so these rude koreaboos were really boo boo the fools) at around 18:00 we were allowed to go inside but everyone started pushing each other so we were really stuck and could barely breathe. Once we were inside we had to wait another 2 hours and I was so tired, but wow I was 4th row!  Live I also made a big thread of Monsta X on my twitter. Fancams Fanpics Okay first of all, this group has no visual hole. THEY ARE ALL SO VISUALS I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. Honestly they're so beautiful irl??????? Although I knew they were all handsome, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw IM, Kihyun, Shownu and Hyungwon DAMN. 

The live was amazing, they kept playing DRAMARAMA, SHINE FOREVER and STUCK in the venue and we were so hyped! Once the live started; they all came in Swaroski Suits (they looked so expensive) singing Jealousy. The fan chants (at least in the VIP) were A M A Z I N G.  AAHHH I finally saw monsta x im sobbing. They then played Be Quiet (it’s one of my fav older songs) ;; and BEAUTIFUL IN SWAROSKI SUITS GUYSSSSSS. They didn't do the jacket dance since, yeah the jackets were pretty expensive HAHAHAH. Too bad.. They then had a long MC and started with Gravity and Tropical night (still wearing the suits). After changing their clothes (some kind of harness?)  they sung Crazy In love (finally a full version) and All In. The crowd really loved All In!!!!!!!! Then we had 20 minutes of solo stuff; the solo of Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun were my absolute favourite! It was so cute. The other solo’s were really good too!! The crowd died at Hyungwons and IMs solo though.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAH AFTER SOLO they sung From Zero (Seven member version) and oh my god Wonho looked so beautiful??? This song is so cute?? I can't remember much of Because of You im sorry ;; White love was really emotional, they didn't expect the banner project (1000days with monbebe) at all and really loved it. Rollercoaster was so cute live as well, they all pretended to sit in a rollercoaster lol. After they went off stage, the destroyer MV played AND I SCREAMED SO LOUD I WAS NOT READY, NO ONE WAS READY NO ONE! LITERALLY IM DEAD. But they bloody sung LOST IN THE DREAM and I was really lost in the dream, wow....... The vocals..... wow.. Im........................... it was so beautiful live. Guys, ive heard Kihyuns iconic high note (well a lot of people shouted OOOOFFFF BUT I STILL HEARD ONE OF MY FAV SONG I! CANT! BELIEVE!). Also very random to mention but Jooheon is one hell of a good performer, he was not even nervous and the stage was HIS BITCH, his rap and his stage aura are so mind-blowing.

I always joked they should play lost in the dream and destroyer after each other to let the fans die but they really did IT! The choreo of Destroyer was so good and fitted the song. In the beginning Wonho waved and gave a finger heart though... I was never a fan of Shine Forever, but It was so nice and also doing the fan chants! Rush is a song I used to skip but ooof, it was also very nice to hear. Monsta X really enjoyed singing Special too AND YESSSSSSSS FINALLYYYYYYY TRESPASS THE WHOLE CROWD WAS SO LIT WE ALL RAPPED ALONG AND IT WAS HONESTLY ONE OF THE BEST PERFORMANCES SO FAR IDGJKDSGS. They all positioned to the Dramarama pose and yes they did Dramarama!!!! but now the concert was about to end too :( Monsta X said they love Falling, Ive heard people say they love performing Falling and yes they REALLY LOVE FALLING. My heart was so full of uwu when I saw them performing falling, I love these babies so much :’). We showed them the banners during If Only again and Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun were really emotional and it was so sad to see this ending :( But I was about to meet these guys as well AAAAAAHHH. I dont know if it was Minhyuk or IM but one of them took of Wonho’s shirt lol and he threw it in a crowd. Before that they also took a group pic ;; tbh I wished they did Stuck and Hero as well, but overall I really loved the setlist so much.

Meet and greet Order: Wonho - Shownu - Kihyun - Minhyuk - Hyungwon - Jooheon - IM Usually when fans meet artist, fans are the ones talking to the artist but now Monsta X was rather talking to the fans, they were so sweet and they all had the most genuine and sweetest smile ever. The M&G was unfortunately very fast and I could only say  Wonho: I think he was still very sad and looked like he cried too but his hands are so soft ;; I thanked him and he nodded and gave a thumbs up lol Shownu: I knew it was his birthday in London so I told him a happy belated birthday ;; and he said thank you as well! Kihyun: ok, I may have said I love you instead of thank you AHHGHGHHGHAHAHG and yeah that was kihyuns reaction too he laughed and said thank you lol Minhyuk: He said thank you very much!! NO THANK YOUUU (while smiling so sweet) Hyungwon: Somehow he was very giggly but we both said thank you to each other!! Jooheon: We both said thank you to each other aaaaaahh IM: Since I barely had time (after hyungwon) I just told him thank you and he said the same ;; We then got a poster from the tour and the show was unforunately over :(( MMT announced a week before the concert there would be no merch so I didn't have a lightstick either so it was nice having a poster as a reminder (and the fans we got from the fansites ofc). Setlist (duration 2,5hours) 1. Jealousy 2. Be Quiet 3. Beautiful -- 4. Gravity 5. Tropical Night -- 6. Crazy in Love 7. All in -- 8. Wonho, Minhyuk, Kihyun - Neol Hada 9. Jooheon, Shownu - Versace on the Floor 10. Hyungwon, IM - Fake Love (Drake) 11. Hyungwon, IM - How long // another IM solo (not sure) -- 12. From Zero 13. Because of you 14. White Love 15. Rollercoaster -- 16. Lost in the dream -- 17. Destroyer 18. Shine forever -- 19. Rush 20. Special 21. Trespass -- 22. Dramarama *ENCORE* 23. Falling -- 24. If Only *Group pic*

Random moments -  They talked a lot of Dutch such as ‘I am...’, ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’, ‘Fries with Mayo’. IM also wanted to say Sexy but he didn’t say Sexy and Jooheon said to erase our minds LMAO KSJKD he was so embarassed - In the beginning when Kihyun was talking about Hyungwon, Hyungwon looked at him and he kinda slapped away his face (Kihyun to Hyungwon) - Just before Crazy in Love, the group was devided into two to talk with fans (one group was changing their clothes) and Jooheon was doing a weird movement with his hand and was saying AY AY AY and the fans said it too, but then the other group came (Kihyun, Shownu, Hyungwon and Minhyuk) and they all looked honestly so confused and Kihyun was like ‘AY go change your clothes now’ and then Kihyun and Hyungwon were showing off their dance moves lol - Also during the live I started as the fourth row, but people behind me kept pushing and I was suddenly 2nd row and there is a higher place for the first row so my knees kept going on that and it hurted so much lmao - Shownu, IM and Jooheon went to Beyonce the day before and talked about how amazing it was (lmao fanboying on their own concert KAJDKSFJFS) and they also said we will make it possible for them to perform there one day ;;A;; - The day of the Amsterdam concert would be 1000 days with Monbebe we would show during If Only, but since London got cut off we weren't sure whether we would hear If Only and decided to do it during White Love. - Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun got teary at If Only - Their reactions to White love were so sweet :((  - Our group hyped up every member whenever they were close to us. Hyungwon, Kihyun and Wonho noticed us a lot lol. Hyungwon waved at us too ;; - During FALLING Kihyun was drinking water and then he came to our side and you could see in his face he was about to do something and when the beat dropped he threw WATER ON US and I got so wet :((((( the fan next to me, her fan was all wet lmao.  - I got a lot of confetti in my face :’)  

[saniika]

As promised before this is a drama-free blog. Please do not read further, this is a personal announcement which is very much in the drama category. There will be no filter and lots of swear words. 

TLDR: I am not well, will be not active as usual and don’t know when Ill be back. Bunch of stuff is gone, it’s not just you imagining things. I wrote all this since I gotten asks which I hid away from.

I am not ok. For about a year I've gotten under lot of pressure, both mental and physical. Shortly before that I closed  very traumatic period in my life and even went of antidepressant. And then bam, the above happened, yoi came in the mix. Wow! Fantastic a coping mechanism, works so well. I am happy. Friends message me genuinely excited to see me happy. I listen to music, read, draw and it shows its full of love. A sanii-wonderland.

But... nothing lasts forever, right?

I entered this exhausted and rushed like a hound dog. I wanted validation, to matter and make some good for the world (I cant sadly cure ass politics, world hunger or happiness for LGBT...yeah.) So Ive set to put my services into promoting writers with fanarts to their fanfics - because hey they made me happy, what other way to show thanks? Drawing fanarts just to join the happy in the community. Talk in streams. And Im telling you the insomnia rushes where the brain was like squirrel on caffeine - those are really damn productive periods. With horrible consequences.

Months went by, sometimes I didnt feel good, panic attacks started to be present, nightmare drove me to the point of waking up in fright (I got scared I fell asleep). Other health related issues arose...twirling down the ground as they say.

I met some really nice people which I will not mentioned here as I dont want to pull them into my drama post (even if id say thanks), participated on incredible project. The more I got involved into the fandom and socials it got faster and before I knew it - I felt like im stuck on a rollercoaster, about to puke and the fucking ride doesn't stop.

Thoughts like these arose - I’m too old, I’m not fast enough, cant keep up this speed, why does this person has so much success, has so many friends etc. Bad bad toxic feelings - which I am happy I did not act upon, no one deserved these and it was all in me. Friends helped here since I admitted these to them and was quite surprised to hear many felt similar - burnout from the fandom, apps in general, life in the whole mix.

I thouhgt itll pass, focused on the writing which made me really excited and productive. I drew my whole life, its the best I can do - the other thing I can do best is - hating myself. So believe it or not that actually helped with yakov flamers - no one can hate myself more than me. Im a medalist at that. Back back to the track.

Physically speaking I sought out doctors and they didnt help me as I expected they would. I have to write and type a lot in IRL job and my chronic pain in hand turned into vicious icepick stabing pain in collarbone + completely sore numb right upper torso. It took me a week to be able to type on a phone without vincing.

And few days ago - I actually cant tell what day it was because I spend the whole weekend in bed and ate once. Never had such episode, so that was really... not fun - I had a meltdown and deleted bunch of things. So if you cant find them - they are not there. You will see my art rebloged here and there, but the original posts are gone. With each delete I felt lighter and had a good cry too.

It all came down to this - I felt cheap, taken for granted and all the initial thoughts of happy turned into realisation (with the help of friends) that I do expect things in return. Im not the type to play an attention whore and avoid posting complaints as pest. Yet here I am. Because -

Bit by bit I neglected breaks for bathroom for drawing. Didnt rest the hand when I was supposed to. Wrote feedback or comments for others when I was tired. Offered support on drunk/depressive/suicidal posts and offered support in chat even though I should have invested into selfcare. And it all snowballed to this - loosing love towards certain pairings, drawing itself. Aaaaand posting 2 pics after such a break brought me to breathing labored and wow, suddenly I am here - BAM - very not ok.

I left a bunch of places, set up things so that I speak with bare minimum of people. I have no idea what Ill do from now on, but I know its easier to just watch others and consume - or maybe even easier to watch as little as possible (let me be frank, I really don’t care who sticks a dick to whom’s ass - petty discourse about pairings and topping really sour me and - EAT VICTORS DICK, CHOKE ON IT - became my private favorite curse. Don’t get me started on self entitled critics on whats right to draw, write and ship.... FUCKING WILL YA - just do your thing, have fun, SHUT UP - make stuff that makes you happy if you don’t see it around or PAY others to do it. OR like support them, be NICE. Doesn’t hurt...promise.)

I flipped the switch, lost it grand and that’s it. I wont be putting restrictions on myself here saying I wont draw ever or this fandom - that’s not how it works. But right now? Ill be happy if I manage to deliver work on a project I don’t want to fall out of. I tried the appeal of sharing work privately to friends or to no one at all. Engaging on discords and DMs - so freeing to talk about stories and stuff without tumblr police. I just cant do this anymore - posting out there steals my breath and it fucking hurts.

I hope you enjoyed all I did, it all came from heart - that’s all. I know Ill sweat all nervous posting this, but YAKOV COURAGE WOLF tells me so. Better than listening to voices telling me to go shit at Wendy's bar.

Thanks for everything.

[engoulevent]

i reaaally wish ppl liked my art more, like most of the time i like it, i used to think my art sucked but like.. idk this past couple of years, or maybe less, ive been a lot less insecure about it and even more recently like idk i just draw to have fun and i want to become better of course but. yknow. i dont hate my art or anything. i have a lot of fun drawing and creating stuff; i havent had a breakdown over my art in ages, and there have been moments in my life when it happened regularly.. but im still frustrated cos i feel like most ppl dont really encourage me, i mean im really glad that some of you guys reblog my art and even commission me, even just a reblog or a compliment can mean A Lot to me. but im still frustrated to have still very few ppl who like it, and more importantly, at the fact that most ppl i know irl dont give a shit. i dont think any of my irl friends really care deeply, like if i post art on a social media site where they follow me theyll like it but no one ever talks to me about it or anything, no one compliments me usually and shit..... so i begin to think that maybe my art Does suck idk. w my family, its easier, they encourage me more, at least my sister and her bf do, and my mom too but she doesnt go on social media so she cant really see anything. and my dad is a bit like my irl friends; he likes my post but veeery rarely mentions anything about my art. he has a drawing i did for him as his profile pic on twitter (and a drawing my sister did as his cover pic) and i always see him sharing what my sister does and everything but he doesnt do it w me anymore, or.. rarely. idk maybe im just bitter cos i keep seeing ppl my age be successful and even ppl i know or have known irl.... its just weird to have friends who dont seem to really care about smth you pour so much of your heart and time into and that has been one of your biggest interests almost since birth. not that this is new though lmao.