#i know i dont post original fiction here usually but i really liked how this exercise came out

[oswaldthatendswald]

"Huh," says Kirkland. "Well, that's damned unusual."

The rest of you do your best not to shift uneasily or glance at each other. You'd known this was a risk. Known it going out; known it better coming back.

"You understand, your team has to be quarantined now," the general says. (You don't know his name. It's safer that way, supposedly. A shapeshifter can become you-- not just take your shape, but mind and heart as well-- with just that scrap of identity. You've always wondered, if that were true, why you were told the names of your teammates when you met them?)

The youngest of the team is Ardent. "Sir?" she says quietly. "What are we going to do?"

The general backs out the door, holding a handkerchief to cover his mouth and nose, as though it might be catching. When the door slams shut behind him, you hear the click of the lock. Kirkland, who had smiled and smiled the whole time the general had been watching him, drops the mask and slumps against the door. He turns back to look across the room, keen eyes passing over all of them.

Kirkland pauses for a moment. "Take your coat off," he sighs. "It's boiling in here."

"Feels fine to me," Ardent grumbles, but she takes the coat off.

You've all been left in a meeting room, designed for managers to sit in and discuss budgets. Six plush chairs around a long table, a white screen at one end with a projector overhead. It's not meant for you-- and certainly not like this, unwashed and still in your gear, detained right off the mission-- but the number of chairs is eating at you. One for the general to sit in, when you'd entered, then five more. Coincidence? Not with the way you'd been dragged in here practically as soon as you'd stepped off the helicopter.

"You think this is new protocol?" you say, heart in your throat.

The team looks to you. You gesture at the chairs. Calm and Cassius in the back both figure it out, two pairs of eyes widening in comprehension, but Kierkan frowns. "The debrief?"

"No," you reply, "Kirk, look at this." Laying a hand on one chair, you point to the one at the head of the table. "The general was sitting there when we came in, right? Five other chairs. It's a visual aid. To remind him how many people were supposed to come back."

His face contorts in frustration for a moment, before he huffs out a breath. "You'd think they could've just checked the old policies," Kirkland says. "Those would've told them that it's three soldiers to a team."

"Then we really would've had a mess on our hands," you chide.

"Yeah, yeah, Bale, you don't have to tell me." He kicks the general's chair, sending it rolling sadly away.

Ardent, who has been growing more agitated, finally bursts out, "They're going to find me, aren't they?"

She's just a baby, really. It's no wonder she's having trouble staying calm. Fortunately, Kirkland is surprisingly good at this side of the job.

"No way in hell," he says. "We'd never throw one of our own to the wolves like that."

Calm pats Ardent on the shoulder, and Strident and Cassius nod along in agreement. You cross the room to sit on the table in front of Kirkland. It wobbles a little, not really meant to hold a person's weight. Typical. Big fancy table like this, and they couldn't even spit out enough cash to make it out of real wood.

You lower your voice. Calm is working to soothe Ardent now, and you know your words would only set her off again. "They're getting more careful."

"I know." Kirkland doesn't look at you.

"It's Ardent this time," you press, "but what if they really do look into the policies? Will Strident and Calm be on the chopping block next?"

He snorts. "If they look into the records, you'll be in as much trouble as the rest, Baleful."

"Ah, come on," you protest, voice still low. "So my records are a little sparse. It convinced them at the time, didn't it?"

"Well, you'd better convince them to let you into the records, or else the first enterprising jackass looking for evidence of shifters is going to find all the holes in your story." He squeezes your shoulder, apology and offer of comfort both, then raises his voice enough to be heard by the rest of the room. "So, Bale, got a plan for us?"

You narrow your eyes at him, but don't protest. He knows the conversation's not over. For now, you take a moment to compose yourself. Glancing up at the ceiling, an idea begins to take shape. You're not sure if you've seen too many movies or if whoever picked this room hadn't seen enough, but you're willing to take advantage of it.

"What's your smallest shape, Ardent?" you asks.

She shifts uncomfortably. "Mouse, I guess."

That's good enough for you. You'd worried it would be something like a cat: possible, but tricky. "Then yes, I have a plan."

---

The general is summoned back to the room by the sounds of your team screaming.

(Or rather, while the rest of you shout and Kirkland barks orders, Strident pulls off the most piercing scream you've ever heard. Back when you'd picked him up, you'd expressed some concerns about his name. It was unusual, you'd said, and might not fit in well amongst humans. He'd insisted that it defined him better than any other he'd tried on. Ever since, you've had a sneaking suspicion that he goes out of his way to live up to his name.)

The general bursts in. "What's going-- stop that screaming. What's going on?"

Strident, who'd climbed onto the table, smiles at him sheepishly. "Sorry, sir. I'm afraid of mice."

While the general is staring at Strident, Kirkland breathlessly breaks in. "It was Ardent, sir. She climbed into the ceiling. Turned into a mouse and made a break for it when we tried to get her, sir." He looks away, shaking his head. "I just don't understand it. I would've sworn to you I'd been to her sister's christening."

He's a pretty good actor. You'd known that already, but this is a step farther than he'd ever had to go before.

"Of course you would've," the general says gruffly. "That's how the monsters work." He looks up at the ceiling, where Ardent had left a tile artfully askew, then starts barking orders into a radio. Seal the vents, sweep the building, permission to use lethal force. You share a look with Kirkland.

The remaining five of you are pulled out for a real debrief this time. As you follow your team, the mouse in your breast pocket squirms. You cover her with a hand, both to disguise the movement and offer a little comfort.

You are a soldier in a team of six who have been sent to investigate shapeshifter sightings but return to base after finding nothing. On your return, however, all six of you are detained, and your commanding officer points out that there were only five members of your team when you left.

[merlinsleftit]

just curious - why post in a ship tag complaining about the ship? you knew people were going to be upset regardless that you did that but also isn’t it…unnecessary? like, at the end of the day, fanfiction and ships are fiction for a reason. sometimes it’s fun to imagine the impossible and to imagine au’s - and to hate an entire fandom for it seems excessive and quite frankly, rude. i’m not saying dramione is the end all be all bc yeah, some characterizations are so ooc that it’s just like why bother. other times it’s like wow this is really good, but these things can also be related to any other fandoms.

idk, i mean we are all entitled to our own opinion, of course. i guess it just rubbed me wrong way that you’d post something shitting on a ship you so clearly hate and posting it in said fandom.

its not just about "let ppl have their own ships and opinions" it's about hating on the canon and making up their own ships and characters just bcs they didn't like the original one. i totally get whatever jkr said upset a lot of ppl and that's absolutely normal and right thing to do and im not here to defend her or something. i usually separate the art from the artist bcs harry potter always had a special place in my place and i have always loved the canon. i think the hate on canon characters and ships started more after jkr transphobic jokes. ppl are romanticizing toxic characters and toxic ships to go against jkr and i have seen these in so many fanfics. they mainly do it to show that they do not care about the canon or they are against it but they still wanna like it somehow.

saying how some characters should've done this or that in the canon is absolutely bullshit. obv the characters had no idea this will be consequences. nobody is perfect but isn't that what makes a series relatable in some way? every characters had flaws and every character resembled somebody from our daily lives. hating on the canon characters to just make your fav character look like a saint is hypocrisy.

the main reason why the percy jackson fandom is less toxic than hp is bcs they like their author and we don't and they accept their canon the way it is bcs they like their author. i get y'all don't like jkr and neither do i but i dont go out of my way to change the canon bcs i just don't like her.

these new ships and characters are scaring new fans away from canon bcs some of y'all convinced them that fanon is somehow 'better" and when these so called "fans" come on here to share opinions that they've based off of the misinformation they've been fed, they will be unprepared to handle any kind of backlash they may face except their usual "let ppl have their own ships" or "its just fanfiction"

also i use the tags bcs i want ppl to know the misinformation they've been fed by the new genz fandom and how they think shipping random characters don't affect anyone but in reality, it does. i mean literally see how many ppl have been influenced by meneclad and how they think dramione is endgame and how jkr wasted their potential. they never even had any real chemistry in the canon so there was nothing to wasted on.

[comidyye]

HAIII HI IM ASH !!! im a TEENAGE brain surgeon FANARTIST whoo Also likes to make SH🥩Tposts and Edits here an theRRe !!!

they / He ★ minor ★ neurodivergent ★ excluusivly english Srry!!!

I USUALLY ONLLY REALY POST stuff about my CURENT HYPERFIXATION !!! My twitter IS pretty Dead rn And On tiktok (SAme @) I uslly post edits / memes!! CONTENT ⚠️ : ART MAY INCLUDE (TAGGED) GORE /BODY HORROR /BLOOD /EYESTRAIN .. anything suggestive is highly UNlikely However

ART: #doodle ★ RANDOM: #rambljngs

HERESSZ SOME OF my Strong Recent / curent fixations! ALSO : WHen i Fixate on a series i Usually have one character Im Obseszed w/.. I wil List them 2 !

★ resident evil ( rebecca, leon, hunk, stars wesker) ★ slashers/slasher adjacent (martin (77), billy lenz, leslie vernon, henry barrow)

★ spooky month ( bob / dexter) ★ yu-gi-oh [ s0 & dm ] ( ryou / s0 yami yugi) {reoccurring} ★ fnaf ( glitchtrap, vanny, funtimes, springbonnie) {reoccurring} ★ wii deleted you ( henry morris) {short} ★ kirby ( marx) {reoccurring} ★ animatronics - All kinds!! halloween/scary, old kids bands, theme parks ( rockafire explosion, circus playhouse band) ★ smile for me ( dr habit) ★ childs play franchise [ 1-2, 7] ★ super paper mario ( dimentio) {reoccurring} ★ welcome home - eeh... ( wally / eddie) ★ madness combat ( tricky)

"SO WHATS WITH THE CLOWNS">!>???????/

CLOWNS ARE PROALY MY BIGEST SPECIAL INTEREST! I KEEP A RUNNING LIST OF ALL THE FICTIONAL CLOWNS I KNOW. i have a google doc with MOST of them However the list is originally made/updated in Discord so the doc is likely an inaccurate count of the clowns. LAST CLOWN COUNT TOTAL: 178 CLOWN DOC If you know a clown not on the list send me their name thru The ask box Please! Fictional clowns from established series only - no ocs or anything !

OTHER INTERESTS NOT PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED CAUS holy moly thhrz a LOT

IN GENERAL : obscure, surreal, crreepy stuf !!! ... I <3 HORROR. ONE OF MY favorite things ever is cannibalism !!! Its super neat how versatile it is in media fiction-wise, and i like learning history and stuff around it too. i only think its a really cool thing in fiction though, dont.. im not weird <3

GAMEZ : DAY SHIFT AT FREDDYS(!), rhythm heaven, Klonoa, NiGHTS, um jammer lammy, splatoon, Omori, Balan wonderworld, undertale, deltarune, needy streamer overload, dropsy, FAITH: the unholy trinity, league of legends(ONLY FOR FIDDLESTICKS AS A CHARACTTR-I DONT PLAY), killer frequency, happy hills homicide, 1996 resident evil

SHOWS/SERIES : dont hug me im scared, the walten files, BUGBO, Ena, My little pony, kaiba(2008), tokyo mew mew, devilman ovas, milky way & the galaxy girls, the amazing digital circus, bee & puppycat, over the garden wall, infinity train, garfield & friends, gloomy bear, tokyo mew mew, wordgirl! MOVIES/MUSICALS: ride the cyclone, mean girls(musical), rocky horror picture show, trick r treat, re-animator, killer klowns from outer space, inu-oh, benny loves you, day of the dead(for bub), house of 1000 corpses, behind the mask: the rise of Leslie vernon, black christmas (1974), martin (1977), texas chainsaw franchise + chucky franchise CONTENT CREATORS: MARRKIPLIIER, JERMA! failboat, Dougdoug, dead meat, wicked masters, dawko, ANDY LAND, Itemlabel, CHRBRG, j-gems, lumpy touch, matt rose, planet clue, RTGAME, ooftroop, astralspiff, vernias MUSIC ARTISTS: WILL WOOD & LEMON DEMON . ... Chonny Jash, tally hall, CREATURE FEATURE, ROB ZOMBIE, KMFDM, icp, that handsome devil, oingo boingo, nero's day at disneyland, rusty cage, maretu, the stupendium, MSI(....Eeh..), duran duran, mcr, american murder song, s3rl, stolen babies(!). i am a hereditary connoisseur of 80s new wave/alt

DNI UHHH JUST DONT BE A BIGOT?!?! + FUCK PROSHIPPERS .. Dont piss on people 4 Their Interests n OH Sfw interactions Only Please SO nsfw dni Thannkz.. Just puting that out there Just in case.

BOUNDARIES:? Just Use common SEnse i would Think !! i dont think im crazy chronically online - school comes First Unfortunately . But if yurr that inntreseted in becoming Friends juuss lemme know howevrr You want .. Even with my own friedns I don't talk a lot however so dont expect full convos from me All the Time

ASK BOX..? anything related to me Just dump in there !! questions r whatevaa ... art requests about my fandoms r on the table, but dont expect me to do them!! low chance but still, shoot your shot COMMISIONS? if yur interested Ask and im sure we can work something out somehow : o)))! i do have a cashapp, but i dont have set pricing and i wont accept all requests SHIPS/OCS N SHIT? i generally dont really have any ocs n dont Really selfship unless like Platonic - I'm not a big shipper but may have a rarepair here and there - Real chill shit REPOSTS/USING ART? tell me if Yoou want to repost something somewherer - even if i do give the thumbs up Credit is required!!!! Feel free 2 use my stuff as a pfp just don't claim it as Your own -- Give Credit if someone Asks . Bare minimum Stuff

FUN BLINKIES/ STAMPS/GRAPHICS N SHIT

WOWOAOAOWA YOU MADE IT THIS FAR WHO EVEN ARR YOU >!>???!?>??

WELL thank You 4 Coming By < 3333333 SEE U AROUND!!!!!!!1

[darkxwolf17]

i remember following you at some point when you were arguing with this one proshipper, and at the time i was well... on your side. but lately, i've started thinking.. what's the point of all this discourse?? like... even then, there's a difference between proshipping and comshipping (proshipping- ship and let ship; block and move on) (comship -"complex" shipping; what proshipping in the md and other fandoms are usually confused with) so.. i feel like i've been adopting the proshipping mentality, though i wouldn't call myself a comshipper :] i know you're probably not going to answer this, but what's your full, honest opinion on the pro/anti ship discourse?

EDIT: Proshippers DO NOT INTERACT with this post i dont want you here get out

Hello, thank you for this ask, my opinion on the whole debate is actually more complex than what might be seen. Despite me being very much anti-proship (which I'll get to what that means later), I actually do not consider myself anti-fiction (though some proshippers may disagree with me and call me a "puriteen" or whatever).

Personally, I am in the opinion that the original meaning of dead dove and all that is something i can get behind. Before anyone calls me a proshipper, (I'm not and never will be), let me specify I said the *original* definition. This definition being "okay, there are some things that can be romanticized in fiction that shouldn't be romanticized ever in the real world." By this, I'm mainly meaning toxic relationships (I joke about toxic yuri, and it's because there are some ships that Are toxic i do genuinely enjoy, ie Voll), as well as some other kinks (that I won't get into because this is a safe for work blog that minors follow) that cannot be performed in real life. Fiction is a place to explore these things, and I am fully in support of using it as an outlet for the bizarre and weird.

My issue with proshipping is that, despite what many may claim, nowadays it really is just a fancy word for enjoying drawn csem. I don't care if it's "just fiction." Remember that thing i said earlier about how there are some things that can be romanticized in fiction? Well, children are not and never will be one of them. It is never okay, in ANY universe, to sexualize a child. I will stand by that firmly.

Other things i do not condone being romanticized in fiction is incest, or literal animals. Incest because it's a real thing that is traumatizing just like child abuse, and animals because, well, I hate zoophiles. "But Marven!" you may say. "You're a furry, doesn't your community have a good chunk who draw furry nsfw?" Well, to that I say there is a huge, huge difference between sexualizing an anthropomorphic walking talking consenting creature that is essentially just a human with fur, and a literal dog on four legs. If you can't see the difference between those two, that's your problem.

"But what about trauma? Shouldn't victims be able to express themselves through art?" Why, yes! of course. However, there is a difference between drawing vent art privately in closed circles and posting erotic material featuring children with the intent to arouse publicly. I am in full support of trauma survivors using any method to cope, but forming communities dedicated to drawing and getting off to images of children is not a way to cope. It's illegal! And normalizing terrible behavior, repeating a cycle of abuse.

So yeah, tldr; There are some things in fiction that can be romanticized that shouldn't be romanticized irl. There is some merit to a "Dead dove" label. However, if you do end up calling yourself a proshipper, just know that you will be grouping yourself with some very, very nasty people.

I hope I could be of some help, best of luck to you anon and I urge you, as someone who nearly fell down the proshipping pipeline, to please understand what kinds of people that community holds.

[memes-and-shit]

🍁 uhhhhh, you guys can call me Gromit. that's a good-enough fake-name lol i go by they/them pronouns, i am confirmed to be over 18 years old, and that's all my info y'all get ✌️

🍁 i didn't make most of this. or any of it, really. (sometimes, i edit; but i dont consider my edits to be "i made this" bc... i didnt make the core thing i am editing) so, anything you wanna use? no need to credit me. i'd like to see what you make using it, for shits and giggles, but that's not mandatory

🍁 i try to post credit to "the little guys" i make stuff from whenever i can figure out the source

➥ some of this stuff i find second- or third-hand where i have no clue who the "little guy" that made this is; feel free to reblog to add the applicable credit, and (after i do some fact-checking, bc some people online ✨️lie✨️) then i will reblog what you said + alter the original post to now have credit. but multi-million/billion-companies, celebrities, etc?? idgaf, you can VERY easily find out who the source

🍁 most things are on a queue

🍁 i don't do requests, sorry

🍁 here's how you can make your own edits tho??

🍁 some things i edited to have captions (#my edit + #captioned); others, already had captions (just #captioned); only a few videos don't have captions (#uncaptioned)

🍁 i tag based on what my Reactions Folder's sub-folders were. thats how i organize. idc about attention; meaning, 99% of the time, idc about tagging "correctly", so it crops up under the "correct" "tumblr tag-pages"-or-whatever-theyre-called

🍁 organizational tags i use below "read more". below that are some statements too

➥ said statements table-of-contents: about helping me credit the little guys [[titled: "sources psa"]] 🍁 my opinions on when to credit an editor and whatnot, and when i will/won't credit another editor (which does explain why idgaf about y'all not crediting me when i do edits lmao) [[titled: "a potential controversy"]] 🍁

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏post-topic tags

#off theme

➥ (aka: these posts are not "memes & shit"; probably me posting a life-update or similar? idk)

#masterlist series

➥ (aka: anything i think is a mini-series of "things i have posted". i will VERY rarely do these, stuff's gotta be hyper-specific for me to feel like a masterlist is warranted. like. the first one of these i made was not just a Kylee Henke masterlist series, but a Kylee Henke's Zoobe Bunny Excerpt-Videos masterlist series. like i said, shit's got to be hyper-specific. if i made one for everything and everyone, i would get so overwhelmed so quickly, it's better this way, just let it be hyper-specific only lol)

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏post-typage tags

#my edit

➥ (aka: these are posts i "made", or at least did something to (eg. adding captions). these are like "the templates")

#my customization

➥ (aka: me applying an example of how to use "the templates". usually is from my irl life of me using these @my loved ones, and i post them here bc im a little bit too attached to wanna delete said customization entirely 👉👈🥺)

#captioned, #uncaptioned

#video

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏additional tags: my "esp for" tags

➥ (aka: the post is esp, or "especially", useful for these groups)

#esp for writers and i.f. creators

➥ (aka: posts will be applicable about writing, about discussing fictional characters, and so on)

#esp for artists

➥ (aka: posts will be applicable about doing art (the "art" in question primarily being drawing), and so on)

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏my Reaction Folders' titles ➡ now tags

my aforementioned Reactions Folders' titles:

#

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏sources psa

expect these to be the least consistent thing i do, ever, but sure, ill add them sometimes, i guess, when i remember/know who the source is. more likely the aforementioned "little guys" than anybody else tho, ngl. but said little guys will get credit either within the post and/or within the image/video itself; and if i forget to also tag said credit, i think that's fine. i'll still try to do it, even though i know ill be inconsistent and forgetful the little guys and big guys, but also shhhhhhh if i forget. i'm doing my best, just let my mistakes go, let it be inconsistent

➥ but also do feel free to reblog the post (if it's an aforementioned "little guy" ESPECIALLY) and help source credit! (➡ note, for said lil guys, i will fact-check at MY leisure, assuming i see your reblog notif to begin with. and if i see that your sourcing is correct: ill reblog your addition AND edit the og post. just. do me the common decency of not insulting me for forgetting to source/not knowing who to source, whichever lol

bc i do have understandable reasons for not always knowing who to source?? bc a lot of these are videos i got from tiktok accounts, tumblr posts, and other websites where the "op" of said item?? was NOT the actual original poster, and did not source the people/person/etc within the item. ans now idk who to credit too lmao rip

● which, for artists and editors-whose-edits-are-NOT-simple-edits you can tell bc that item did not match the style/s already attached to their account, and didnt say something like "trying a new style!" or whatever in the bio or comments or something. idk. people who never can "stick to one style" still have a general large encompassing area they still to, ive never gotten a "i dont really have an art-/editing-style" person confused with an art-/editing-thief. and im one of those people who constantly change up their art/edits/writing/aesthetic/etc ("idk what exact box i fit into. im just me"), which i think? maybe helps me??? on figuring out if someone is a thief or is just inconsistent/experimenting/"just being me"/whatever?? but yeah! an art-thief especially, and oftentimes also edit-thieves, tend to be pretty obvious they are a thief. even if the comments have not already caught on. bc sometimes youll see a comment outright saying "you stole this from xyz" or "you traced xyz's art/you copied xyz's edit" but not always

● several others? especially ones that were videos of irl people?? i always check out the account and, MANY times have went "..okay this account is just a compilation of memes/jokes/etc, idk. but its VERY safe to assume they are definitely reposting and are NOT the irl person in the video". the person/people in this video assumedly are unaware their video of them being a silly lil goofball they posted on their personal account is here, on an account that compiles memes and funny videos. (bc its VERY rare that an account focused on humor will post content that reveals their face and/or their loved one/s. so. safe to assume it isn't theirs.) and i do want to find the original personal account this image/video in question came from, so i do look. there's a very small margin of error where, if a video looks really old, i wont look tho bc i assume the original account it was posted on is gone and, if it really looks old enough or like enough of "that type of oops funny thing was improv'ed" gag that i think maybe it was on "America's Funniest Home Videos" or a similar clip-show on cable?? ill admit, those ones, i dont try. but if it's like "this obviously friends trying to do a silly trend on tiktok"?? yeah, of course, i look for the account that came from, absolutely. but yeah, that's the usual spectrum for those types. i rarely find, much less keep, videos i can see landing on those "America's Funniest Home Video" type of clip-shows. so, really, the only "danger" there is for being a new video featuring irl people who idk? to go uncredited AND be a rare case where i didn't even try to look for the original account?? is, again, if the low-resolution and content of the video makes me think the video is old enough to where searching would be pointless. to which i then ask, fam? why the fuck is the resolution so bad that i thought this was maybe uploaded to Vine or MySpace (or MAYBE even was a VHS mailed to early-EARLY "AFHV"? lmao imagine), the fuck lol???? but whatever, nobody's perfect, i think you can grant me this kind of margin of error if my anxiety is already willing to grant it lmao

which, ill fully admit. i care about crediting these people for my own self-interests. like, sure, i do it in no small part bc it's the nice and kind thing to at least TRY to do. but also?? i do care about ensuring that person gets a shout-out bc of my anxiety catastrophisizing the hypothetical of a post of mine blowing up and inducing me to feel massive guilt from the fact that i didnt give credit to the people who actually made the item in question so they could also share in the attention of virality. so like. i dont assume ill go viral?? i WORRY ill go viral lmao if? that?? makes sense? which. i have trauma that i know would make me hate even a quarter-of-the-way viral levels of attention would imply. and i feel like, if this account was to ever go viral (god forbid. gatekeep me. dont let it happen lol there's a significant chance i might abandon this account if that happens), i feel like one thing that would basically be destined to happen is i would get chronically-online people criticizing me for not crediting my sources and riding on other people's hard-work. which like. i know they would do anyway since im not perfect at crediting. but if i didnt even TRY, that would hurt differently in a way that'd fuck me up. never know who could be the next hypothetical Cinderella story, like how Kombucha-Girl became the p fucking famous Britney Broski (regardless on your or my own feelings on Britney Broski, she did get her fame from a jokey meme that totally changed her life). give people their credit. like. i am also doing it to be nice and kind, sure! but know that even if i felt exhausted of all my nicities and kind inklings somehow on some certain day?? my anxiety would still demand i at least TRY to find the source. like. anytime you see NO credit?? ANYWHERE??? know the day i found the image/video, i probably spent a good chunk of time between 15 to 45 minutes, out of niceness and kindness and also to appease my anxiety, trying to find the source before calling it quits and saying "at least i tried" (aforementioned exceptions and/or margin of error notwithstanding lol)

which, with everyone where i have TRIED to see if i could reverse-image-source the item?? ive had mixed results from that. sometimes, i found them; sometimes, i didn't. but feel free to try again for me. you might get the correct result a lot quicker than me!

("wha—? h- how.. would i?? get the correct result...? quicker than you...??")

well. my information im about to share with you could be outdated or incomplete, so take this with a grain of salt. but i remember in elementary school how my teacher told our class that google alters the search-results per [insert IP or whatever the technical term she said that ive forgotten is] depending on the history of searches. she told us this so that "if you can't find the answer you need, it doesn't mean you're stupid. ask a friend to check their search-results and find the answer together! it might just be google being picky about what words (or i guess the equivalent would be which frame you chose to screenshot in your and my case, since i dont think an image-file itself being uploaded could result in pickiness) you decided to use, or perhaps it's results are biasedly influenced by what the AI has learned about your family through your families' collective internet search-history". which was basically her sly way of telling us to not depend on the first results we find, or even the first page of results, but to be critical of our sources in their credibility and whatnot. so, the way i understood what she meant was via an example she proceeded to give us that went SOMETHING(?) like this:

(🅰️) a kid whose parent is a professor with a doctorate who brings work home often, meaning they use the family-wifi to research academic studies. when that kid googles "teach me about pyramids"? their results may be extremely well-regarded articles about the Egyptian pyramids (such as the New York Times), peer-reviewed journals about the Egyptian tombs history, Khan Academy and other very good mathematical sources to help you understand how pyramids work within geometry, a released study-guide of various pyramids' formulas (relating to geometry) from Harvard's math-degree program, and much more. a very good foundation for their Egyptian pyramid report for class, and the math could help with that research in breaking down those pyramids dimensions in that report which could give that student an interesting angle that puts their report from an "A" status to an "A+" status, especially if their parent can help them plug in the right numbers into the relevant formulas! very helpful

vs. (🅱️) a kid whose parent works in accounting and taxes, who strives for a healthy work-life balance of never bring work home as often as possible. as a result, the parent uses the family wifi to play pseudo-gambling-with-fake-money apps on their phones more than anything else, to de-compress and de-stress. when that kid googles "teach me about the pyramids"? their results will include some articles about the Egyptian pyramids, but maybe not as credibly-sourced since the [insert IP or whatever it was called again] with this family's wifi isn't used to finding online resources of academic credibility. in fact, the student might get confused since a lot of results might be influenced by those pseudo-gambling phone-apps, and be showing the child information about Las Vegas's pyramids. which. isn't what the report is about. and due to this parent likely having to still bring work home sometimes, like during tax season or other stressful crunch-times, there might be way more math results about pyramids (geometry) than about the Egyptian pyramids. but accountants don't use geometry in their work, they use more basic arithmetic and algebra. so the formulas about the pyramids (geomtry) here would only talk about the pyramids of Egypt as part of the word-problems. so even if the parent was to also have the availability to help the kid plug in the accurate applicable numbers into the formula? those formulas are more likely to be not give a full picture of how to calculate the Egyptian pyramids' size and dimensions. and that's if the kid has the right numbers written down as they might have the dimensions for those Las Vegas pyramids instead, and feels inspired by these online results to even try to do this math (as the lack of "training the computer" to look for reliable articles means these word-problem results are more likely to be blank homework page examples, but could also include walk-throughs here and there like the Kid-A recieved plenty of). but those Egyptian pyramid articles, the most important part of this whole paper, are ALSO more likely to be from less reliable sources with perhaps incorrect information (bc people online like to lie. bc it is fun. but also sometimes people online think they are right when they actually fundamentally misunderstand something), like maybe Kid-B sees enough articles by conspiracy theorists on those unreliable websites that Kid-B thinks "aliens built the Egyptian pyramids" is a more seriously considered and debated topic of academic discussion than it is (which.. it's not. that actually has gotten the famous "Aleins" History Channel Meme Guy fired from his job bc his outspoken belief in this theory cpuld have risked his university's reputation and accreditation. so. yeah, no, Kid-B, those are not academic articles). overall, unless either the parent or Kid-B themselves catches that Kid-B has to sort through a lot more "proverbial litter" to find good, ACTUALLY academic, and ACTUALLY reliable sources of information about the Egyptian pyramids and Egypt's history, Kid-B could fail their report. even if they spent just as long on research and worked just as hard as Kid-A, all bc Kid-B was ignorant to their digital disadvantages and Kid-A unknowingly advantaged. all bc of that [thing with IP or AI or whatever it was called] and what it had learned from the family wifi what the assumed interests of its users would be. a feature no kid could easily turn off/on

which worked at making the kids in our class write down these Definitively Reliable Websites where we could search for accredited articles and peer-reviewed sources. i dont remember what they were back then, we were only in 5th or 4th grade. but it was a great lesson to be taught, im frankly shocked and a bit appalled that more kids were not taught this kind of syuff when teachers are first helping students learn how to research. everyone NOT from that class (even kids who did go to the same elementary school, but jusy did not have that teacher) all have been shocked as i am usually the first one to tell people about how, yeah, that's an aspect of how many (if not all) search-engines work

anyway. the information stuck with all of us from that class, as far as i can tell (a lot of us in that class attended the same middle and high school. like. at least 40% of us, if not a LOT more. so there was a rare time or two where id talk about this and i wouldn't be The First Person To Ever Tell Someone This Search-Engine Info. and every time it was bc the peer in question i just told would go "oh! yeah, i remember [insert name of other kid that i shared that elementary teacher with] said the same to me, like, last year!" or something. but that WAS rare so idk), or at least it always stuck with me. and i was one of the luckier kids who didn't NEED to know the info! and it still has stuck with me all these years later, even the examples of Kid-A and Kid-B!! like! i was on Kid-A's side of the spectrum WAY more than i was to Kid-B's side of the spectrum. my family definitely "trained the computer" in a way i got massive benefits from. like im talking i either was 100% Kid-A, 0% Kid-B or else i was a very minimal mix like maybe 93% Kid-A, 07% Kid-B levels of "minimal". yet still, whenever i find i distrust the google results on my phone, if im next to a friend, ill ask them to google the same thing i did to see if their first page of results looks better than mine and very often we DO get different search results! so!! even if i dont get how that works, that teacher was still right!

brief tangent: im convinced this is how some of my friends that are girls who do the whole "i can stalk your would-be-date like a Private Eye and find out information down to a C.I.A. level about if this person is worthy of being assumed to be trustworthy or not" benefit from this. like they themsleves have trained their phones (with their own dates and friends' dates and even co-workers/other acquantices' dates) or something to be AWESOME and THAT FAST at pulling up the results most likely to give them all of this stranger's private info. it's wild

anyway, screenshot or download the png or jpeg or whatever (or screenshot a frame from a video) to try to find the source if you think the lack of credit on the post implies i cant find it (bc it's either that or i forgot. which. "forgot" could mean "i have the source but didnt realize i didnt put it in the post" OR "i once had the source but now forgot who to credit this to and can't find them, oh no". so. good chance i likely need help even if it was an "oh, i forgot" type of mistake). you may have a better trained [whatever the tech is, if not IP, idk] than me at reverse-image-searching to find the people and/or company the item in question is originally from. who knows. go give it a try! what's the worst that could happen? lol

but yeah, when the source is obviously. like. Walt Disney Studios or like Pixar or Warner Brothers or RDJ or Nicholas Cage or whoever the fuck then like?? i didn't put credit bc they don't need the shout-out, you very well probably recognize the actor/studio/product they are in if it's something real mainstream that tou onlt know bc of pop culture osmosis, they got millions or billions of money as pocket-change, im not stressing myself out with crediting EVERYONE since crediting "everyone" doesn't affect "everyone" equally. im only worried about the people who not getting a shout-out could potentially very negatively affect (aka: the little guys). im not gonna stress about "the big guys" lol they're rich, they're easy to find, they're fine lmao

if you DO need help finding the source from "a big guy" that i posted about, just go @ me in a post and ask (or, hell, reblog the post that came from me and @ me in the said reblog. you can delete it after i answer you). i know i have Asks/Submits/Replies/etc turned off. (its bc i dont want to be accessible to everyone ever all the time lmao that feels stressful. so this One Public Avenue being the only way you could ask me means you gotta REALLY wanna know in order to get a hold of me). i do ask y'all don't do it for "a little guy" bc ill probably ignore you if i already tried to find said little guy and am ashamed that my labor was in vain (but if i do know the source for sure, like i still fully remember their info— and just simply forgot to credit said lil guy, then ill absolutely reply to you and edit the og post). know i check this blog VERY infrequently and may genuinely miss your question or answer it A LONG TIME after you @'ed me. so like. dont get mad if i take forever to reply?? or never reply? nobody wants to help someone who is entitled and gets mad at someone else for [not wanting to reply/didn't know they had something to reply to/took a long time to reply to but did reply]. mad or passive-aggressive. ive blocked people for less lol but yeah. just be polite to strangers, in general, of course, but also to strangers in predicaments like mine who have lives that take priority outside of a meme-y joke-y sideblog lol

to reiterate: feel free (but no pressure) to help if and when you can if you notice there was no credit for a lil guy on my blog pls? thanks 🫶

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏a potential controversy

i think my lines with who i decide to credit and who i dont are overall pretty clear. and i think it helps that, the way i see it, im not a hypocrite about my ideas of who to credit and who not to: bc things do get dicey when it comes to crediting people with small edits. yet i also dont insist on any credit for any of my own edits, bc i also see my edits as p fucking small. which might get SOME people mad on principle should they disagree with my overall perspective. regardless, this bit here will VERY likely be my one and only statement about it

but i do fully admit i dont quite know THE qualative line exactly? but let's establish what i mean via examples. if an account is posting a clip-compilation of "Digital Circus" and they did a "all the times Jax was sassy for 3 minutes" or something, meaning they did splice and edit this compilation together (that is one chunk of editing they did in of itself). but then they also added tiny edits, like i know its common for tiktok funny-scene-compilation-editors to have one the said simple edits just be a "🙄😒" next the character rolling their eyes (in this case, Jax). in my mind?? even tho this editor did add these kind of very minimal additions to the content at hand? and im just profiting off of the convenience of "oH YEAH, i wanted this scene clipped to use for reactions/memes! i just was putting it off bc i didnt know its time-stamp" and i use any clips, those with "🙄😒" edits and otherwise, where the most editing *i* then do afterwards is like add captions? i still see that as "the source belongs to 'Digital Circus' as there were no significant edits done to alter the material". i'm not crediting the editor that i benefited from the clip-compilation of. that's part of why i also walk what i talk in saying "if i subtitled or edited additionally to anything on this blog? you do not have to credit me. i barely did anything. i just added text, maybe with some effects done to said text to reflect volume/tone/pitch or whatever, and maybe a couple emojis/pictures were overlayed. that's nothing. i try to caption most things for accessibility. and sometimes i feel like being a goofball and i add other things ontop of it. bur nothing worthy of crediting me". bc, in the case of my edits and other people's similarly small edits? is the gag 10 times out of 10 is all still on the original content. but we start talking about an edit as in someone made an AMV?? (as in they had to splice in time to the music and maybe did other edits in addition to elevate the AMV. not as in "look, i put music behind this otherwise unedited clip" lol) or someone heavily edited this non-AMV clip of Jax to have, idk, silly meme-y circus-music ontop of having done manips of a rainbow clown wig and nose to follow his every head-motion and then ALSO did the classic DUN-meme-sound reverberation with camera-shake and black-white filter after Jax's dumbest expressions or lines?? that. that is SO MUCH editing and definitely changes the clip to where i am absolutely sourcing both "Digital Circus" and that editor. both of the AMV and circus-Jax

so, again, idk exactly where the qualitative line is. but i do have one where i refuse to fuck over people who have edited the original content to the point that now the audience is there for this person's editing skills, and not bc of the original content within the clip/s used. does that make sense?? i hope that makes sense. this is my one and only statement im gonna make about it anyway lol i think my reasoning is sound. if your content is heavily relient on the original content being as unedited as possible but you just added a few things on the "🙄😒"-level to be a goofball? keep doing what you're doing, im not going to yuck your yum (especially since i am identical to you and i also love to add a bit of razzle-dazzle lol). but im not going to credit you, the credit goes to the people who made the said original content that this "🙄😒"-and-adjacent-edits dont alter or anything. it's still like 90% the original show's clip?? come on lmao you and i can both live without the credit. feel free to take my edits and add them to your account "so i see how it feels". it's still almost entirely the original show, so ive made my peace with rarely/never getting credit for my small edits or subtitles bc like.. it's still 90% the original show??? i did basically nothing. i just had fun, have a clip i can throw into discord or a text-conversation for a tee-hee with my loved one, and have given other people permission to benefit from this side-blog's collection and possible captioning. again, come on lol the editors who actually changed the content so much with their skills that, other than that they used the original show like a collage artist benefits from magazines and whatnot, they've DEFINITELY changed more than 90% of the content to the point that their viewers are having a different experience with this editor than they would be watching the original show or its clips. come on lmao

[aestheticreservoire]

Not the person you are addressing but I feel like theres more to be said I don’t see in the replies to the post and that I think adds context to fan fiction and fandom in general especially after reading other women talk about the generalisation stuff in the OP

- a lot of women start reading fic as teenagers and a lot of current fic readers and writers are per se autistic and obsessed with whatever media they’re writing about ergo why they make stories about it obsessively. This is not a new phenomenon, women wrote Sherlock and Watson fan fiction back then with the books and the first mainstream fandom as we understand it today was Star Trek: the original series in the 70s. At that point it was in fact a sort of revolutionary separatist space as a lot of the people writing, and publishing, fanzines were female. Fanfic continues to be female skewed in fact. Males were also Star Trek fans it’s the derivative writing space that was and continues to be overwhelmingly female.

You probably dont care but if you want data points I started at age 13.

- I personally haven’t disengaged entirely but I know a lot of people do (and I took distance) because of the current heavy control exerted community wise due to the increasing politicisation of fandom after the 2000s onward. This is nothing new, again, a lot of the fujos who shipped Kirk and Spock in the 70s legit used that as leverage to support gay rights, it’s just that by virtue of members being younger and more immature and the insanity that was cultivated since livejournal, into here, and onward to twitter and TikTok fandom has become like a pug inbred version of itself.

- because the girls writing this are straight. It’s the same mindset of fujoshi writing doujinshi in Japan. Two attractive men kissing and thinking about romance without all the implications of being a woman and your lesser place in society because of it. And of course a lot of the media they obsess with glorifying and exhalting men while making mediocre or irrelevant female characters. Female essayists were actually writing about this in the Star Trek days too.

-No, not really. As I said a lot of women into this are already autistic or otherwise “weird” personality wise and that usually carries its own batch of associated mental illness, some thru nature some thru nurture (bullying, exclusion causing depression and anxiety) there’s actually an analysis of how this impacts geeks in general, socially, called the Geek Social Fallacies and you will see them repeat in ambiances like liberal feminism and activist teenagers on tiktok: https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/ which boils down to, I was excluded and left behind, ergo I vow when I meet other nerds I will never leave anyone behind because everyone who leaves me behind are evil bullies who hate me just because I like media.

This is also why I believe so many fandom spaces are social justice oriented. They too see minorities being excluded that they have to defend no matter the cost which is why analysis is so black and white, un-nuanced, and generally ignorant of whatever minority is being defended. Which I've personally experienced being latin american in the anglo fandom internet. In the end, I think I agree with a lot of other people that women are criticised a lot more for these fandom things than men are for things that are far more harmful, especially considering the history of these places as women-led hobbies that permitted a space separate from men. However I also agree it is a hobby and a lot of it is self-indulgent slop, and you should go in with that mindset. The cult mentality of hyper political fandom is also incredibly diseased and wreaks havoc on your already fragile mental state. Like any subculture it can be a wonderful thing for you to connect with people or controlling torture depending on how you engage with it. But as an autist I can't deny the catharsis of being able to do what is essentially glorified playing with fictional dolls without scorn, as that is something that you are judged for, very often unfairly- like most women's hobbies, to be honest.

I don't hate fan fiction because it's not original material or whatever. I hate fan fiction because it seems like everyone who is into it has serious mental health issues.

And I realize that it's a chicken/egg situation so there's no way to tell if being immersed in it tanks your wellbeing or if you get into it at your lowest point. What I do see is that it doesn't make you any better and definitely makes things way worse.

[queensqueercourt]

Rules: Copy and paste these questions and make your own post, please do not add onto this one, it’ll get too long too fast. Then tag some of your friends to let them know you’d like to hear more about their ocs!

Original by @/queen-breha-organa|| thanks echo!! this seems like fun

Name: Marcello (of wands)

Pronouns: he/him

Nickname: Marc(only called that by micha), old man (by the younger acolytes)

One Word To Sum Them Up: Shenanigan

Noun to Describe Them: pigeon

Temperament: if in a good mood he'll be willing to talk to you but otherwise not really

MBTI Type: ESTJ(Extraverted, Observant, Thinking, and Judging)

Enneagram Type: individualist

Other’s First Impression of Them: patient and always seems and acts like he has more important things to do. at first aloof but mostly because he only just met someone

General Likes: any sort of trinket he finds on holy crusades and from others, its the best way to get on his good side.

General Dislikes: believe it or not, other aasimars, especially if theyre a priest or cleric. he may be one but sees the others with "giant sticks up their asses and im the one here who can pull it out and give them a glimpse of how they REALLY are"

Romantic Status: sappy and loves romance but isnt quick to dive into it. people who are interested in him without fear right off the bat either wanna kill him or bone way to fast for comfort

Love Interest(s): a noble teifling named dijon, hes currently a silverquill coach/trainer who teaches long and close range magical combat

Good Friend(s): micha a half-elf paladin that marcello found alone and abandoned. he took care of him and decided to take him under his wing (literally)

Enemy: its more one sided but his noble family who constantly ooze over him in lots of unhealthy ways. hes always been put up on a way too high pedestal and constantly tries to abandon it but they never get the message

Hobbies: not much of a hobby but loves to go to market and sell some of his expensive trinkets that may or not be slightly cursed. he gets a good amount of money from that since being a priest is more of a long-term charity work

Songs They Relate To: sleepyhead by the scary jokes

Fictional Characters Similar To Their Personality: Not many i can think of off the bat but a real person i can relate him to and is his voice claim is comedian Chris fleming!

Fun Fact: hes the only aasimar in a family of elves. aasimar's usually get their divine providence by their parents being aasimar's or by random, for marcello it was the ladder

Free Space/Ramble: hes a fallen aasimar but didnt fall in his mortal life, he fell as a celestial and was supposed to be cursed to roam the earth as a wayward spirit as a sort of punishment instead finding himself as a blank slate in a mortal baby. marcello doesnt know why he fell but knows he fucked up real hard and his priest work is sort of his redemption so the celestials dont kill him on the spot. so far hes doing pretty well but has gotten away with some stuff that was outside of his oath rules. hes currently a priest at the temple of salvas.

Tags: @mel-mocha @toxicglitch @endlessscreams

doodle of him under da cut

(this is the only recent doodle i have of him, may post some more stuff on him later)

[hiddeninthe-veil]

ooooh thanks for the tag! dont mind if i do!

Were you named after anyone?

I was! Irl name is after someone in the Bible, and Veil was the name of a ferret in the Redwall books. While I wasnt thinking of him when I came up with the name to go by on here, he's undoubtably part of why I chose this name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

probably somewhere around a month to two months ago. I don't cry often.

3. Do you have kids?

No. Definitely not 🤣

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, I wouldnt say I do. I've been told I seem to have a hard time leaving "tells", as it were, to show the people I'm joking with that I'm being sarcastic, so I try to avoid using sarcasm.

5. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Mostly depends on the person. What style their outfit is, I guess? like what colors, what articles, skirt vs pants vs shorts, jewelry, and so on. It tells you a surprising amount about a person (though you must always take any "insights" with a grain of salt).

6. What is your eye color?

Brown. I used to think that when I got magic and also wings they would turn green. Obviously that never happened.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings through and through. I cannot watch scary movies :(

8. Any special talents?

I don't know? I've been told I have really good balance and spacial awareness. And I'm really good at spelling.

9. Where were you born?

I would prefer not to answer this one 😊

10. Have any hobbies?

Right now: guache painting (i need to post my painting of geminitay! i keep forgetting!), sewing/pattern making (i'm making a pattern for a minecraft warden plushy inspired by a drawing i saw somewhere on tumblr), ravioli making, and minecraft. Other hobbies I pick up occaisionally include: writing fanfic, writing original fiction, sculpting (polymer clay) gnomes, drawing (rarely; 😅 im not very good), playing the sims, and collecting random things, usually online (like stories-- that's why I have @monsters-lesbians-and-magic)

11. Have any pets?

Two indoor cats my family owns and one scratched-up mangled grumpy tom of a black cat who lives outdoors and we feed occasionally. His name is Bartholomew Thompson Black and he is a wonderful being.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I used to do gymnastics, then I did folk dancing. Now I do not play or watch any sports

13. How tall are you?

I would prefer not to answer this one 😊

14. What is your favorite subject at school?

Art, creative writing, or social studies. it switches often. used to be be algebra

15. Dream job?

Ooooof. Gardener at the Butchart Gardens I guess. that would be awesome. or like.... path designer for a theme park.

tagging.... @xexpaguette @comfortstars @lehhoh7822. no pressure and please tell me if you dont want to be tagged...

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Thanks for the tags @peony-pearl and @sleepyghoststories 💖💖💖

1. Were you named after anyone?

A fictional character from a movie my parents watched while dating.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I don't remember. Which means I'm due for a breakdown soon.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

It's how I cope

5. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Usually their appearance/outfit

6. What is your eye color?

Dark brown

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings ❤️

8. Any special talents?

I can roll my eyes to the back of my head. Makes for excellent zombie impressions.

9. Where were you born?

illinois

10. Have any Hobbies?

Drawing, writing, cosplaying

11. Have any pets?

No but I always wanted a cat

12. What spots do you play/ have you played?

I used to do track and volleyball

13. How tall are you?

5'7"

14. What is your favorite subject at school?

Art class

15. Dream job?

In a perfect world, writer and voice actor.

Tags: @avatardoggo @exhaustedhope @wingchunwaterbender @friendrat @trashfactorysstuff @emmelinekahuyan @love-airy @love-n-purple @longing-for-rain @moonlitxeuphoria @its-booklovr @monochromeswirl @fireliliesstuff @evsalonyx @ekwolfwriter-blog

[raayllum]

any tips for dealing with writer's block? im stuck on a section of the story im writing because i dont have any ideas for it yet

I thought I had talked about this somewhere in my writing advice tag but it appears not, so no better time than the present! 

The type of writer’s block I usually tend to deal with is, “I know exactly what needs to happen next, I’m just struggling with the execution of it (ie. connecting to whatever emotionality I’m trying to draw out” which is, in some ways, the opposite of yours. Both are equally frustrating I’m sure.

One of the reasons why I don’t tend to struggle with what’s supposed to happen next (on a plot level at least) is because I tend to outline before I start a project. Not in detail, and things definitely get added, shuffled around, or cut along the way, but I find sitting down and outlining helpful if only so I don’t forget anything. And that outline is guided by something I never let myself start a writing piece without: I know where I want the piece / characters to start and where I want them to end. And probably a few events in the middle; then it’s just connecting Point A to Point C with Point B in the middle when I get there, and so on and so forth. 

However, outlining is not for everyone by any means, and what works for me may only work for me. After all, it’s all well and good for me to say I always know my ending - but as you point out, how do I get there? How are we supposed to “know” or figure out the next section of our story?

If I’m stuck, I make a list of all the ideas or concepts I want to consider or I know I want to hit (similar to outlining, but a little bit messier). But in this list I take it one step further, and consider all the different ways a story could go, i.e.

What if this character reacted angrily to this situation? Sadly? In denial? What could push them to react in each way and why?

What does my character want in this moment? What are they afraid of?

What would make this character or situation change (unexpected beliefs or viewpoints, personal failings or successes, etc.)? What sort of change is interesting to yourself as the author?

Write an AU or canon divergence of your own story. Explore as many different possibilities or reactions as you can. Make a list

For example, in my original work I have a character we’ll call Character B. I knew I wanted him to end up with Character A. I knew their peoples didn’t get along very well, but they weren’t enemies. The two characters were originally a sweet friends to lovers. Then, I thought about how fun/cool/interesting it would be if they did start out as enemies, and were enemies to friends to lovers instead, and how could that happen. It was originally an AU of my own work. When I revamped my original work(s) five years ago, I realized I liked the Character B as an Enemy Idea so much I wanted to just make it canon, and shifted the story accordingly. 

Now, your change doesn’t have to be so drastic (and probably won’t be). And as you can see, a lot of writer’s block - any kind - usually comes down to a struggle with some sort of characterization. When I’m struggling with how a scene would be executed, it’s almost always because I’m not entirely sure how my characters would react (or how to phrase it). So I would suggest looking at possible characterization struggles of your own in this case. Even the most plot heavy story is really tied to character reaction (and action) in some way.

If you’re struggling with writing a fic of some kind, luckily I have a post already written up with some advice! You can read it here :) If it’s an original work, that can be trickier. Most of my advice is already dispensed above, but here’s a few more tips

If it’s a romance or realistic fiction, what are your characters going to hide and why? No one is entirely truthful all the time, especially about things that are embarrassing or make them vulnerable. What do other characters think someone is not being truthful about (even if they are)?

If it’s something like fantasy or sci fi with higher stakes, I always ask my characters three questions: What would completely break them? and What do they want and what they willing to justify to get it?

You will pretty naturally write double meanings and layers into your work. One of my favourite things is having a character make a choice and the readers/other characters think they know the reason for it - a sound reason, often, too - and it’s later revealed there was another reason for (either in addition or one that flat out took priority). Same goes for metaphors and meanings. These are things that can always be considered!

The theme or meaning of your piece is your guiding principle. Almost every scene can chip away at it a little. I’m not saying to make sure every single scene is super important to theme or meaning; you can wear yourself out thinking like that, juggling too many things at once. But this connects back to “what do you want the takeaway emotion of this section/scene to be” and often times something that connects to a theme (proving yourself, healing, regret, etc. or even all three in the same work) can be a helpful guiding tool. It can even be as simple as “i want my characters to do something fun in this scene”

Always consider emotional continuity! Are your characters coming up to a section where they’re processing what’s happening around them? Or are they in a section where they just have to keep going? Is this a breathing moment for your story? Follow accordingly. This is not to say your characters always have to react like real people (I would have a breakdown after just one day in most of my characters’ lives let alone a week dear god), fiction is escapism and to a certain degree unrealistic by extension. But figuring out whether you want a big emotional focus in this section or to be more plot focused can always be useful!

I hope this helps, and happy writing! I’m wishing you the best of luck!

[faemytho]

I’m not really in the hazbin hotel fandom ((I love the show don’t get me wrong I’m just not in the fandom)) but I kinda wanna see what you mean? Also I figure you’re still okay with people shipping him just either the fact that people ignore that canonical he is aroace sex repulsed or use it as a “oh we just have to fix him” trope (which fuck that trope)

Same asker that admitted to not really being in the hazbin hotel fandom but liking the show- thought it over and i actually don’t know how you could do Alstser (can’t spell bare with me) without having him as aroace sex repulsed without having him look barely anything like the original- maybe apart from that fic you made a while back

-

okay so, in regards to this post i made earlier about aroace romantic/sex repulsed alastor, that was a headcanon. (i said, and i quote, its canon bc i said so, but in reality ive fooled u all it was just a headcanon i even said so in the tags)

my headcanons aside, alastor IS canonically ace, as referenced by this tweet below (and hey, canon bi character!!! we love that!!)

there is also a footnote on the HH wiki that says alastor is aromantic as well, but the footnote links to a four hour stream video, and i do not actually have the patience to comb through it to see if that's true or not (or if it even came from the mouth of vivzie)

uh, yeah. here's the link to the stream, in case anyone wanted it/was curious.

canonicities aside, lets get one thing out of the way:

i am all for ignoring canon, using fandom to do whatever you want, ect ect, all power to the fans and whatnot, do what you want and be free because its fiction

which means, yes, i am 1000% okay with people shipping alastor with whoever they want! with angel, with charlie, with husk, with vaggie, with nifty, ect ect ect, i don't care, ship what you want, be free, live your best life.

my problem, though, is this: literally nobody in this fandom knows how to write an ace character. and when they do write him as "ace", its OFFENSIVE.

i cannot COUNT the amount of alastor fics ive read where he's supposedly written as asexual (and its usually even tagged in the fic tags, "asexual character"), then ends up sexually attracted to his given partner for that fic, and when they actually go to do the deed, alastor is infantilized to, well, hell and back. and by that, i mean a few things.

he either:

doesn't understand his sudden sexual attraction and/or sexual feelings

doesn't understand what's going on during the sex scene

doesn't know the proper terms for body parts and sexual processes

is HIGHLY feminized and is categorized as "submissive" while the partner becomes the "dominant" and continues on with the sex scene

not only is that fourth one misogynistic and homophobic (an entire other can of worms about how feminine sub/masculine dom in homosexual relationships enforces toxic heteronormativity, aka, the idea that one must "be the girl" and one must "be the man"), but all four of these together are aphobic when you realize, "hey, alastor is an ace character".

off my point a little bit, but ANY relationship (gay, straight, and/or otherwise) should not be using sub/dom as a model to follow - sub/dom is a BDSM kink thing; it should NOT be the normalized sex model for ANY relationship.

there's nothing wrong with kink! but doing BDSM wrong can severely hurt/mentally damage either partner if done incorrectly. normalizing it means that so many young people don't actually understand what sub/dom actually means, and even less the consequences if done wrong.

but back to my point: asexual people get infantilized. and we get infantilized often, because people think "oh, you're not interested in sex/you've never had sex, so you must not 1) know anything about it, 2) know anything about the real world and how nitty gritty it is to survive out here"

basically, ace people get treated like children. a lot.

here is a fantastic article that explains the rampant infantilization of both aro and ace people, and why it is aphobic to do that.

i highly recommend you all read the article, because it is fantastically well written and concise. here's my favorite paragraph:

"Society conditions us to believe that a lack of romantic or sexual attraction is a transitory period. This viewpoint assumes an inevitable progression from a nonsexual to sexual state of being that marks entry into adulthood. Similarly, engaging in romantic relationships is recognized as a milestone of maturity. This stereotyping results in the infantilization of all aromantic and asexual spectra people, especially those who are entirely romance and/or sex-averse. It also incorrectly characterizes asexual people as sex-negative, even though personal sex-aversion and general sex positivity are not mutually exclusive. Moreover, the idea of “being ready” to progress from friendships to romantic and sexual relations undermines the value of platonic relationships, which are integral to our community."

i'm going to move on to one more point, because i know if i don't, i'll get SO many alastor allo-pologist authors whining and screaming about how ace people can have sex too

and yes, here's the thing: asexual people can have sex, can want to have sex, can be sex positive... but that doesn't change the fact that to be not-asexual (or allosexual, if you'd like to use proper terms), you have to be sexually attracted or experience sexual attraction - WHICH IS NOT THE SAME THING AS HAVING A LIBIDO, AND ITS NOT SOMETHING ACE PEOPLE CAN DO/HAVE.

what ace people can have:

a libido

sex

sexual arousal

sex drive

kinks

a partner they're not necessarily sexually attracted to, but trust to have sex with them anyways

what ace people can't have (unless they're not actually ace and are instead allosexual):

sexual attraction to someone

wanting to have sex with a specific person because of this attraction (a partner, celebrity, people they find explicitly attractive)

still confused? don't be!

here's a post where i better explain the difference between sexual attraction vs sexual drive and what that means for ace people

to close this out, im going to attempt to summarize why im so pissed about this.

alastor is canonically asexual.

he may be sex negative, sex neutral, or sex positive; we don't know, but this is fandom and we're allowed to headcanon him however we wish - we can even headcanon him as not asexual!

which is great, yea, but when the ace character is the fan favorite...

people constantly and consistently write alastor as "ace".

which would be GREAT! if they ever did it correctly.

here's what i see most often. instead of headcanoning him as not asexual, they've heard something about how ace people can have sex anyways!

so for woke points, they slap their alastor ship/sex fics with the "asexual character" tag, and write alastor in one of two ways

uwu baby "ive never said a bad word in my life and i dont understand how the world works" asexual

allosexual, but call him ace anyways

both of those are aphobic. i have yet to come across ONE fic where alastor's asexuality (negative, neutral, or positive) is written, and labeled, CORRECTLY.

you know, it actually hurts MORE when he's written as "ace (actually allo)" than it does if people just headcanon him as not asexual.

alastor is a successful serial killer. he has spent decades in hell.

ALASTOR IS A SUCCESSFUL SERIAL KILLER. HE HAS SPENT DECADES IN HELL.

and you cowards are going to write him as inexperienced, ""innocent"", sexually uneducated?? i think the fuck NOT.

NOT ONLY THAT.

alastor lived through the roaring 20s. the flapper movement. the harlem renaissance. AND the sexual revolution of the 1920s. HE LIVED THROUGH ALL OF THAT. and you're going to act like he doesn't know what sex is?? we even KNOW he lived through all that because he says it himself, "i havent been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929", and 1929 was the end of all those movements and the beginning of the great depression - and then alastor died in 1933 after living a successful serial killer life in louisiana.

tell me again, why wouldn't alastor know what sex is or how it works? and if you can't, THEN STOP WRITING HIM LIKE THAT.

please please PLEASE educate yourself before you write an asexual character. ESPECIALLY if you're going to write them with a libido, and actually ACTING on that libido.

thank you.

sincerely, an exhausted sex positive asexual.

[mysticalrunawayprincess]

Everything He Ever Wanted

Hi Guys! This is a new Jay Park fanfic I’m working on (because we are in a serious shortage and us girls need our fantasy fix!) Its about Jay falling in love and wanting to settle down, and all the headache and heartache that ensues (cue lots of angst, sexy times and love :P). I post the stories on Wattpad as I’m not sure if I’d be able to post the full story on here (Tumblr guidelines and stuff) but I am going to be posting the first chapter here and then every time I publish a new chapter I’ll post the links for you to read. The story is for 18ANDOVER! If you are not 18 this story isn’t for you (sorry). And Jay if you are reading this: its pure fantastical fiction! I don’t mean to embarrass or cast aspersions on you in any kind of way. If you are reading this (PLEASE dont lol), I hope I did your fantasy character justice :P. For the rest of you, happy reading!

Oh BTW: New Chapters every Friday, but you get this one a day early just because I love y’all!!! xxxxxxxxxx

1. Home Is Where The Heart was

An exhausted sigh left Jay's lips in a rush, as he entered through the  open door and dropped his bags on the heated marble flooring.

Having been away on tour for 6 weeks Jay had a lot of bags to carry; all heavy, all full of laundry.

He paused and took a breath in, savouring the smell of home, the smell of Her.

She  hadn't been home in a long time. This was no longer to be Her home;  hell it hadn't even been Her "home" for longer than a few weeks, most of  which she had spent elsewhere (or rather somewhere else). But since She  had been the last person in the house before Jay had left for the tour,  Her scent still lingered. And it was this scent that invaded Jay's  senses, coiling around his synapses and holding them at ransom as his  mind cast back to the last moment he saw Her.

Jay stood watching   Her leave through the polished glass doors of his office building, Her   words still ringing in his ears like a death knell, "We can't do this   any more Jay, I have to go back and live my life..." She took a pause   here, her perfectly soft and plump lips quivering momentarily, almost as  if to hold Her back from completing the sentence,"... and you have to live yours."

Now the thing is, when Jay first saw Her walk  through the doors; Her soft hair in which he loved to bury his face now  framing Her face in a twist-out that beautifully rippled in the light  breeze of the evening night air as She stepped through the glass door,  his heart had soared and swooped the same way it did every day since the  very first day he had seen Her.

His face broke into an  unstoppable smile as he outstretched his arms to embrace Her,   automatically breathing in Her scent as She stepped into his embrace,   clinging to him as though She would be otherwise flung into the furthest  reaches of space.

Jay hadn't noticed the shine of unshed tears  demanding to be released. He hadn't noticed the taxi outside, and he  certainly didn't know that it was taking Her to the airport.

He was oh-so blissfully unaware of  all of these little details.

She had been going back and forth with this for weeks, months even, ever  since  their relationship had first begun showing signs of becoming  more serious (unbeknownst to Jay). And try as She might, She knew this  couldn't work; there were too many moving parts, too many things to  consider and too many sacrifices to be made. She thought it best that  She end this now before it got too serious and whilst they were still  able to at least salvage some sort of friendship from the wreckage.

Noticing She was lost in thought, Jay nudged Her, asking if She were OK.

Now  on the way over here, She had already told herself  that She wasn't  going to cry and do the whole melodramatic stuff; that She was going to  keep it light and factual and hoped he would understand.

And so  when She quickly lifted Her head to meet his eye, Her face had already  settled into a bright and easy smile, belying the ton of bricks that She  was about to drop onto the smitten and unsuspecting Jay Park.

Now,  as he watched Her leave after begging Her to reconsider ("... you don't  have to do this..."). His heart beat harder with every step She took   to the waiting cab outside. He was frozen helpless, unable to stop this  series of Very Unfortunate and Fucked Up Events.

He watched the taxi drive away, taking with it the only piece of true happiness that he had ever felt in a long, long time.

And he had let it happen.

BZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The  vibration of Jay's phone broke him out of his reverie with a snap. He  thrust his hand into his pocket and pulled it out, glancing at the  screen as he made his way to the kitchen.

BZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

He paused with his hand on the handle of the refrigerator, his thumb hovering indecisively over the phone screen.

BZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

He  rolled his eyes and pressed the green button, putting the phone to his  ear at the same time as he pulled open the refrigerator door.

"Heeeeeyyyyyy  bro, whatcha doin'?" the gravelly voice of Jay's business partner Mike  came through the phone as vivid as if he were standing in the room,  rather than 5,000 miles away.

"Hey, Mike" Jay chuckled. "Not much, just got back."

"How was the tour?"

"Yeah it was good. The guys killed as usual," said Jay, into an empty fridge.

"Did you get any numbers?" Jay could practically hear the Cheshire Cat smile on Mike's face as he asked this question.

He  sighed as he closed the refrigerator door and made his way to the  living room. "No I didn't get any numbers Mike" Jay said, plopping down  dejectedly onto his plush sofa, allowing his head to fall back, eyes  staring straight at the ceiling.

"Jay, you are really wasting your unlimited pussy allowance, man!"  groaned Mike. Jay chuckled in response, closing his eyes and wearily  raising a hand to rub them. "Dude you should be literally DROWNING in  pussy!"

"I'm too busy for all that extra shit, Mike." Jay sighed.

"Extra  shit? Dude." Mike was all seriousness now, leaving a pause so pregnant  that it caused Jay to sit up and open his eyes. "You are never, too  tired, for pussy!" Jay fell back into his original position, another  exhausted sigh leaving his lips as he landed except this time, he had a  little smile on his face.

Mike's dry humour was a welcome salve right now anyway.

"Plus, Jay; I'm married."

"I know Mike."

"So that means I'm living vicariously through you, my dude!"

"Mike-"

"Look,  forget about all that anyway" Mike interrupted Jay, sensing he was not  perhaps his usual playful self and wondering if he had perhaps struck a  nerve.

Mike was quite intuitive, even if he sometimes came off as  oblivious. In his world, he found that feigning ignorance can sometimes  be a better strategy around people, especially when dealing with the  types of sensitive and high-flying businessmen he was used to dealing  with on a daily basis.

Or when his friend had something - or  someone - on his mind that may need to be discussed away over copious  amounts of alcohol sometime in the near-future.

"Remember you  have the interview with Vogue Korea about the new AOMG site and app,"  said Mike making a mental note to revisit this again at a later time.

"Yeah" sighed Jay gratefully, thankful for the change in subject. "When is it again?"

"Friday. 9.30AM"

Jay pulled his phone away from his ear and checked the screen. The interview would be in three days time.

"Cool, my assistant already has the details anyway. I'll check my emails to see when the car will be arriving."

"Sweet. Hit me up later, so we can talk a bit about the Nike deal. But until then; GET SOME SLEEP."

Click

Mike ended the call.

Jay  allowed the phone to slide from his ear onto the sofa next to him,  bringing both hands up to gently rub his face before dropping his head  back and allowing his arms to drop onto the sofa back. The huge floor to  ceiling windows directly opposite bathed him in the light of the  setting sun, as he allowed his exhausted and aching body to sink deeper  into his seat.

As his mind drifted, he remembered a particular  evening spent on this same sofa during a thunderstorm not too long after  he had first met Her. In fact, there were many evenings he remembered  being spent on this sofa (not all of them as innocent as the particular  evening he currently had in mind however, but all of them just as  enjoyable).

Sharing one of those huge soft furry blankets that  She loved so much, with a low fire burning in the marble wood-burning  fireplace to the right of them.

She had been drinking Jack  Daniel's, and he had been drinking soju, both just talking to and laughing with each other in an atmosphere of comfortability, while   outside torrential rain pounded against the monolithic windows and   brilliant forks of lightening spilt the charcoal grey and roiling sky,   causing occasional rolls of thunder which reverberated throughout the   building.

The dichotomy of the chaos on one side of the window pane, versus the serenity on the other hadn't been lost on either of them.

Every  now again She would interrupt the freely-flowing conversation to point  out a particularly spectacular lightning strike or a close roll of  thunder would make Jay jump, which he would then try to disguise by  acting as though he was just moving positions on the couch or picking  up/putting down his glass (which She very politely acted like She did  not notice, or turned away to hide Her smile - which he had gratefully   appreciated).

Her being in Jay's house had been perfectly  innocent at the time, having being introduced through his artist Jarv  Dee, Jay had innately felt at ease around Her. She had an easy-going and  relaxed nature, with a quick wit and genuine smile. He became further  intrigued when he found out that She was a full-stack developer and  promptly discussed possibly working together on something some time.  Which is how the new AMOG website and H1gher app came about.8

That was exactly one year ago from today and 5 months from the day She ripped out Jay's heart and stomped all over it.

"We can't do this Jay..."

Her words echoed around his head like a death knell.

Jay  had spent every waking moment carefully analysing every detail of their  interactions - every facial expression, every vocal inflection - in the  hopes of being able to at least understand WHY She had done this.

Did he say something - do something - to scare her off?

How, when things were going so good between them, could she just end everything and leave so suddenly?

Jay  was aware that he was getting older but, he hadn't really ever thought  of what the future would look like for him and who he would want to  settle down with. The kind of jet-setting lifestyle Jay led meant he had  the luxury of being able to avoid thinking about such things under the  guise of being "too busy".  And with the fast life Jay led, the women he  came across had been just as fast.

That is until he had met Her.

Meeting Her had made him truly question his life dynamic, made him want to change his dynamic.

Made  him think about when would be the time to put down the mic for good and  step back to make way for the younger artists coming up behind him?

Jay  had almost single-handedly built an entire musical empire in a foreign  land, which meant he really had to think about who it was he wanted to  share that with.

A thought he had never needed to have before Her.

She  had awakened something in him that he had been confident was dormant,  something which he had convinced his concerned parents and nagging  brother he wasn't quite ready for.

She made him think more of the life after. After all the parties, interviews, world travelling, and screaming fans.

Of the life he lived when he was just Jay, the dorky kid from Seattle.

Who did he want to come home to? Who did he want waiting for him when the lights had faded and the music stopped?

The  morning after the lightening storm had been the first time Jay had  woken up to Her. They had fallen asleep where they sat in Jay's plush  sofa, having spent the evening bonding over their respective careers,  old 90s RnB and alcohol. Seeing her head resting upon the opposite  armrest of his sofa, the golden rays of the early morning sun  illuminating the golden undertones of Her skin, made something inside  him sing. He knew he liked having Her around, liked hearing Her voice,  liked knowing she was OK.

He loved being in her presence, hearing Her laugh, seeing Her focused frown whilst She was working.

He loved smelling Her, breathing Her in whenever he could.

He loved hearing Her footsteps on his hardwood floor.

He hated not knowing why it went wrong.

But  in just a few days the H1gher app and new AOMG website was due to go  live, meaning She would be coming back to Korea for the launch.

Meaning She and Jay would be in each other's company for the first time since Her departure.

Meaning Jay would not only have to face Her, but once She left he'd have to relive the pain of her leaving all over again.

Jay groaned inwardly.

This should be fun, he thought humourlessly.

Jay reached for his phone beside him and dialled an all too familiar number.

"Hello?" Came the answer down the line.

"Hey, is she free?"

"Good evening, Mr Park. Yes she is free. Regular timing?"

Jay let out a barely audible sigh, his 1000th in the 45 minutes he'd been home. He wouldn't need too long. "Yeah."

"She will arrive in 30 minutes."

Jay ended the call.

He  stood and made his way to his drinks cabinet, pouring himself some  Hennessey before walking over to the window to take a sip, surveying the  evening sky and awaiting his visitor.

The objective of the visit was purely for the purposes of release.

And as Jay's buzzer rang twenty-five minutes later, he knew that's all anyone who wasn't Her could offer him.

[sebastianseb]

Evens 😜

What drew you to rping this FC? He’s beautiful haha Then I started to learn about him and his personality and there was no turning back. I love my shy little bean <3

What’s something about your FC that you wouldn’t like if you had to spend time with them irl? The fact that he’s never seen Harry Potter lol I can’t get over it because if I sit with him and we can’t talk potter I’m gonna end up talking about how much I love him and that’s embarrassing, please haha

Why do you roleplay? I enjoy writing fiction :) it’s a nice escape

Do you write fiction ever other than rping? nope! tho ive always wanted to try

What’s your favorite thing about rping? making connections! I love love when a ship or a friendship forms so naturally just because of vibes. it’s such a dope feeling. shoutout to @selenagomczpage bc first melena and now seljean have my original base ship heart here!

Do you think about your threads and your character when you aren’t roleplaying? How and for how long on average? lmaooo @margseliserobbie and I are FOREVER talking about threads for robstan and what not omg haha we def have a love for robstan that outshines and I love it sm

What’s a ship you really like rping? this hands down goes to my three baes @margseliserobbie @selenagomczpage and @ryanthcmas! literally obsessed with all of our ships for different reasons <3

What’s a ship you never thought you’d do? I never thought melena (now its seljean) but at the time, never thought melena would be a thing! that ship was based purely on chem and no other previous connection and it hands down will always go down as one of my favs <3

What do you dislike about roleplaying angst? I dislike when it’s not plotted - but other than that I LOVE angst. Just lemme know when you want angst and I’ll give it haha

What do you dislike about roleplaying ships/romance? I love ships! I dont dislike anything about ships/romance. i’m all about it if the chemistry is there!

Do you ever read other people’s NSFW rp threads? (be honest!) not really. unless its not under a read more I don’t go searching for ppls nsfw stuff

If you do read threads you aren’t in, do you usually let the other authors know, or keep it under your hat? depends! if its blowing my mind I post an ooc on the dash or message the mun letting them know im being mind fucked haha but other times I admire from afar haha

Do you like to plot or improv? I like both! im good for improv when we first start to get a vibe. but once we start doing big things, I enjoy plotting it out and communicating the plot ooc so we’re all on the same page etc :) Do you like to answer open starters? yeah!

What’s your favorite thing about rping a chat/short style thread? it’s easier for my brain to handle lmao

What’s your favorite thing about rping a long/para/novel style thread? the details! I love that about para replies but it’s also the most draining part too haha

Do you prefer gifs or pics when roleplaying? Or none at all? I dont mind gifs! I think it adds to the thread!

What’s a plot you’ll never get sick of roleplaying? literally any good party plot. im such a sucker for my FCs having a good time and getting into drunken shenanigans lol

What do you like to do as you reply to threads? Listen to music? Have TV on? Complete silence? Dark room? etc. music or a movie/tv show i’ve seen 1000x lol

What was your first roleplay character in your current rpg? sebby boy! <3

Who is an FC you think you would like to roleplay in the future? What’s currently stopping you from roleplaying them? shahrukh khan! lack resources is stopping me! it always affects my muse when I lack resources

[houseki-no-suffering]

Pssst.... gush about some thing you’ve wanted to for so long but haven’t found the ask to do so! I really like reading your metas or off-the-wall posts.

aw ty!

mmmh usually i just crank out a random meta when i feel like it, which i havent had the energy to do in a while. so have a lot of hcs about gem language, gem society and how it resembles a totalitarian system cause why not, this is already a dystopia. 

goes from cute to shady real quick, have fun

Gem Vocabulary

gems have no gender, they dont age, they dont reproduce. the whole vocabulary about relationships, aging and sex must be completely different in gem language. they probably lack a lot of words we commonly use, and have unique words for things we dont have (like winter duty, patrol duty... i wouldnt be surprised if gem language had unique grammatical features for those)

this is one of the reasons why its so unfair of aechmea to call cairn ‘wife’ and ‘princess.’ the gems have no concept of wife-ness, we dont know if a gem equivalent of marriage exists, but its definitely much, much different from what the lunarians (and us) perceive as one.

do gems have anything akin coming of age? this could be weird bc gems can potentially live forever, but they can also be abducted by the lunarians at any time, so who’s to say how long a lustrous will live? how do you calculate being ‘of age’? is it by calculating the average life-span of a gem? 

how do they measure time and seasons? we know they have winter and summer and phos mentions ‘spring’ in chapter 20, but what about months and lunar phases? do they have words for that or are months just too small a timeframe for the immortal lustrous to utilize? how do they measure time? in hours and seconds? weeks? different units altogether?

Gem Relationships

similarly, gem relationships are codified in a completely different way. we know they have a concept of romance bc dia ships phos and shinsha and makes comments here and there about other gems being in love. 

at the same time, the relationships btw alexandrite and chrysoberyl, padpa and rutile, ghost/cairn and lapis etc are little different from ‘pure’ sibling/sibling relationships or senpai/kohai relationships.

this is not to say that they’re all romantic in nature, but the way they’re codified in canon (especially in the way the characters grief for their partner) makes me think that even if the gems have no blood/physical kinship with one another they have a very articulated system of establishing family bonds.

dia and bort are clearly siblings, but the same can’t be said, for example, for rutile and padpa, even if they were partners and even if they display a similar junior/senior relationship. this means that relationships are predicated on something else in hnk, and kinship, family and romance are all codified in a different way.

think of vulcans in star trek: physical contact such as two fingers touching, holding hands and kissing is unknown of (save for very specific circumstances). and vulcan people have a completely different way of expressing intimacy and romance than humans. 

this makes me think: just how many canonically romantic relationships are there in hnk (if any) that we’re simply unaware of bc the way gems codify and express romance is so different from ours? is romance even common? rare? perceived as weird? useless? 

what about other relationships? the gems use ‘little brother/ older brother’ but what if this is just japanese approximations? what kind of relationships can lustrous language really express and how different are they from ours?

Imagination

as @ruddy-rutile​ pointed out some time ago, the gems lack a concept of fantasy. thats why i posted that panel about alex’s original lunarian designs. sure, it’s funny, but it also makes you think: these gems are not raised to think outside the box and they can do it without being told so only under exceptional circumstances.

of the vast library of texts that ghost (and lapis) used to take care of, just how many are novels and fiction? none of them? a small amount? a decent amount? in a society thats as focused on practicality, efficiency and conservatism as the lustrous’, how is fiction perceived if perceived at all? 

is there art? red beryl’s craft comes very close to art when they express their feelings about ‘fashion for fashion’s sake,’ but it’s an exception that the other gems find hard to grasp.

phos is often told to stop fantasizing about the world and get things done, the only tale we know the gems are told is the actual story of how their world came to be. the gems always talk about real things, stuff that happened, and make and do things that have a practical use. 

even bort’s jellyfish diary is just made up of a recollection of what happened when they tried to feed them. still, the fact that bort names the jellyfish makes you think that these rocks do have potential for fantasy, theyre just not used to it

Totalitarianism and Privacy

to make this even more shady, here’s your gentle reminder that:

- gems’ rooms have no doors. the only door ive been able to find is the one in shinsha’s room (ch 2) and that is because shinsha’s room is closed off to other people and full of mercury. its like putting a patch on smth you dont want to deal with (much like shinsha’s whole character arc tbh)

- the gems have little to no free time. or their free time can be revoked any time in case an emergency occurs, sensei is napping etc. the gems’ time is rigorously managed by jade, euc and sensei. each gem has a place to be and a time to be.

this means that a missing gem can be found at all times and slackers can be identified very easily. they all have a job and they have to follow it. this is not to say that they have no fun ever, but leisure time is rare and (at least as far as we know) its not contemplated when tasks are assigned each day.

the mere fact that there is a morning assembly and tasks are assigned each day makes you think. is this communism? is this totalitarianism? but most importantly, is this a scary dystopia that hits you in the face like a brick the third time you reread ch 2?   

- sameness > equality. i already went over this in the past. gems society underlines sameness and conformity over anything else. the gems think theyre equal but theyre actually ‘similar.’

a system based on equality emphasizes differences so that every individual can do the best with what they have got and get back what they need, according to their personal needs. 

these gems emphasize sameness: everyone is upheld to the same standards, even when those standards dont match with a gem’s unique characteristics (ie phos cannot be a fighter, no reason to keep saying stuff like ‘if only you were stronger/you’re useless’ etc. they’re a rock with an imagination in a world where dull reality is the rule. just make them write theater plays and play with slugs with shinsha, wth)

It’s real 1984 hours:

all of the above means that:

- your sense of self is subordinated to the group. if you dont belong you’re simply a nothing. at times, the gems almost display a collective consciousness (a pretty hostile one too): everything must be decided together and done together

- you are what you do. gems identify completely with their job. thats why a job is so important, thats why this system is so fucked up. self worth is not inherent, it depends on what you can do. talk about a breeding ground for mental health issues 

- you dont have a saying in picking your career or deciding for you future. thats up to sensei (and maybe euc and jade). unless you have a very strong affinity with a certain task (like red beryl and alex)

- youre expected to follow orders all the damn time. no matter how much sensei wants his gems to exert free will, they still prefer to do what theyre told. ill admit, its much easier than taking your life in your hands and decide what youre gonna do with it, but damn if it isnt depressing. and childish

- euclase and sensei are the authority. sensei and euc are the powers that be. in the sense that they assign tasks, they decide on times and battle plans, on purpose etc. lets not forget that euc was the one to take on sensei’s role after he ‘resigned.’ 

i wonder what would happen if euc were abducted and the gems had no one to follow anymore, no orders. who’d be the new leader? would there be one? lets not forget that no matter how gentle euc is, phos is shit scared of them.

- thought police is a thing. to end this meta on what is probably the shadiest note: surveillance is a thing. the gems report on each other, it’s thought police, no sugarcoating this. 

there’s no privacy, no secrets. even antarc reads rutile’s diary. this goes from cute and childish (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’) to absolutely fucked up (’you did this one wrong thing, im gonna tell sensei’)

[angel-deux-writes]

Hi Angel! I've been a big fan of yours since HCM, and so I wanted to express my concern for your wellbeing. There was that big break when you took a month or so to finish HCM before posting it in quick succession, in order to not have to deal with the comments. Now, from what you've been writing in the notes to Dorne Rights, it looks like you are experiencing something similar. The selfish fan in me wants you to keep writing and keep posting, but the basic human in me is more worried that (1/2)

you are unhappy. Nothing is worth making yourself unhappy over, particularly not something that’s meant to give you pleasure. A favourite author of mine back in the days of my Spike/Angel obsession had a disclaimer on her stories telling readers to please not leave feedback of any kind, not even constructive criticism, on her fics because she finds them unhelpful. Her comment section was full of chats about various topics in that fandom, rather than her own fiction. Might help. (2/2)

Hello! I really appreciate this message, because you’re right: fanfic writing isn’t good for me.

(lol putting this beneath the cut because it’s way too long)

It’s actually my experience in this fandom that has made me realize that writing in general probably isn’t good for me, but unfortunately I feel a drive to it and can’t seem to stop myself from thinking I’ll one day get published, so that’s a bit of a downer. The truth is that I’m naturally disposed toward thinking that I’m shit, my words are shit, and every thought I’ve ever had is unoriginal and poorly written. It’s always been like that, from the time I wrote my first attempt at fiction at 7 years old to now at 31. It takes a lot for me to share my writing with people. I started writing fic at 14, basically as soon as I discovered that I wasn’t the only person composing stories about Han and Leia in their free time. I’m sure that my fics were horrendous. I give myself a hard time now, but 14 year old me probably deserved it even more. But there were sweet people on the internet who encouraged me (and lied to me) and told me that my stories were good, and that made a huge difference. 

(that and my freshman year english teacher, who was very very cute and earnest and young and made me feel like I could actually be a writer.)

I’ve never been a part of a fandom before. Discourse and meta and long discussions about canon events have never interested me. I’ve said that before, and it remains true! I consume what canon there is, and sometimes I like it, and sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I’m so dissatisfied with it that I need to write something, and so I do. I don’t think I’ve ever written fic for something that I found entirely satisfactory. The extension of my being part of an actual fandom in the past was probably reblogging a few gifsets and recommending it to friends. I’ve just never had that sort of communal experience. This, the J/B fandom, was my first time really getting into it. It’s the first time I’ve ever made friends online that weren’t just frequent commenters on long multichapter fics! It has been exciting and I’m grateful for it! It’s just also probably not good for me. 

It’s just, like, every time I post something, I’m fighting a very loud and very desperate voice in my head that’s saying “you’re shit and you shouldn’t bother”. It’s why I’m so good at writing first drafts of novels but so, so bad at getting past the second. It’s why I usually post fics only until I’ve worked out my frustrations: one or two fics per fandom and then ghosting away forever. It’s very hard to defy that voice and post something anyway, and this fandom experience has taught me that no matter HOW many stories I post, I’m ALWAYS going to have to fight that voice. And it’s gotten actively stronger. “You’re not what this fandom wants” “You’re not good at this” “Everyone’s just being nice” “You’ve overstayed your welcome”. Paying attention, often by accident, to the discourse and the metas only makes it worse, because my brain automatically turns to “well YOU don’t write them like that. That means you’re wrong”. I can tell myself as many times as I want that I myself like many different interpretations of J/B! My brain goes “yeah, but you’re just an idiot who doesn’t know any better. There’s a right way, and you’re not doing it”. 

THIS IS ALL SO DRAMATIC! But it’s just the truth! Every time I post something, it’s against my nature. NO ONE outside of fandom reads my writing! I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve allowed my close friends and family to read things. So while it may seem like, idk, like I should just be able to get over it, negative comments, or even SLIGHTLY critical comments, really hit me hard. For all the positive feedback I get (and I really AM super grateful for it, and it means the world to me), those few critical voices seem louder because they’re agreeing with what I have already known about myself. And so it feels almost like a victory, but a shitty one. “Ha! I was right this whole time! I AM a shit writer, and I’ve for some reason tricked those other people into thinking I’m good!” 

For a long time (much longer than I’ve ever written for any other fandom, obviously), I was able to shove it to the side. The J/B fandom HAS been super good to me, and they HAVE been wonderful about giving me feedback and making me feel welcome and included. But those negative voices are just SO LOUD to me, even though I know logically that they shouldn’t be. 

It would be easy to point to a specific problem and say that my issues will be fixed if only I can address that. I do it CONSTANTLY. Maybe if I stopped tagging other relationships. Maybe if I stopped tagging other characters. Maybe if I tagged my works super specifically. Maybe if I made author’s notes about how I’m a shit writer and people shouldn’t expect things from me. Maybe if I just wrote “THIS STORY IS WRITTEN ALREADY AND IM JUST EDITING AS I GO! PLEASE DONT SUGGEST THINGS!” I just feel like, increasingly, I want fewer and fewer eyes on my fics. It’s the opposite of the problem I thought I would have. But my confidence took a huge hit with HCM, and then I was finally feeling good enough to post Dorne Rights. It was probably a mistake! 

idk, maybe it’s just all the shit that’s going on in the world + in my personal life. Maybe it’s just time. Maybe I’m just running out of inspiration. But the positive voices aren’t loud enough to drown out my own negative self-voice this time, and so I’ve been trying to figure out how to handle it. Part of me wants to delete Dorne Rights with the intention of reworking it and maybe posting it again down the line with fewer tags and a lot more reminders that people can write their own stories if they don’t like mine. Part of me wants to just do a HCM and post it all at once so that I can leave the finished product up (even if I now think the entire thing is garbage). Part of me wants to stop writing fic entirely, at least until the next time I watch something with an ending so bad it fucks me up. I think my solution will probably be a massive step back from fandom for a little while. I’ve been feeling a drive to work on my original stuff, and I should probably lean into that. I would like to still write and post J/B, once I find the inspiration, but I’m tired of feeling like this is a job. I think I got so deeply sunk into this attitude of “I NEED to write and post constantly because these people want me to, and they actually like what I write!!” that I stopped writing things because I wanted to write them and started writing them because I wanted to write things for other people, to make other people happy, and so that they could tell me that I’m not a shit writer at all.

I should make it clear that I do intend to write my JB fic swap thing FOR SURE. I will drag that story out of myself no matter what. But in general it’s probably just healthier for me to not spend so much time On Here especially, and on fic in general.

[rosemallowss]

Im so sad too with all that´s happening around TBWDOA, it was magical the first time that I listened it: so much life, love and humanity even in the darkest places of the world... I felt that the hope around it was more strong that any problematic subject... I know that maybe im being naive and self-blinded by my own privileges, but im so angry that the controversy destroyed what for my was so beautiful. I dont know if this is weird, but I wanted to talk with someone that maybe feels the same :(

Hey dude, I thought exactly the same thing. I actually still think it, but every time I see any trace of the show in my camera roll or the copy of the album, it’s so hard not to think about all the angry people. I think now that it’s been a few weeks however, I can fully hold a discussion about this musical without feeling guilty or sad. Despite what other people think, I really don’t believe that the writers has hostile intents at all. If you look at old posts like this:

You can tell just how passionate they were about this show. & plus, I realized recently that these guys tend to write shows about topics that are not normally talked about as well. Example: this show and ‘Talk To Me’– a show about a child who is on the Autism spectrum. I suppose you could kind of count their other show “With The Right Music” as kind of that? However I’m actually not totally clear on what that show is about since it wasn’t actually written to the end– though I think it is about a closeted teenager in high school. I suppose this counts because there aren’t that many musicals written about closeted teenagers. I truly don’t believe that they were trying to offend anyone– simply were just so so invested in trying to get a story out there, maybe one that was unfamiliar to them, and perhaps it was also bad timing that the full show was released? Or maybe they were just as naïve too when they wrote the show probably around 2015 (earlier?) I used to always get their attention (unintentionally I swear) on Twitter when I’d talk about the show. Those dudes were really kind. And they follow back a lot of their fans. So, perhaps it was just naïvety? I’m aware that they’re attempting to make it right, and they are probably at the moment in conversation with Afghan Americans. That’s important, and speaks more than words I think. I know Troy, Nikhil, Sittichai, and Jonathan have been under fire. Troy has gone silent and if I’m not mistaken I think Sittichai and Jonathan as well? Other actors in the show such as Osh (Zemar) and though a small appearance– Shiv Pai (future Paiman’s son) have gotten no such comments I realize. Maybe the show was bad timing. Perhaps it would’ve had a more positive outcome in terms of rising popularity had it been talked about in a past tense; in a sense that “this practice doesn’t happen anymore” so that the setting is not modern day, but instead sometime in the late 1900s?Would that have made the show less controversial? Maybe? But we can never be sure. Would it have been less controversial if they minimized the extend of the abuse? Or removed that altogether and made it that it was simply two boys falling in love in rural Afghanistan who were coming terms with the fact that they were feeling this feeling with each other? well, yeah, because it would just be a love story in a different setting, and we’d probably see Feda and Paiman exploring the marketplace as well. If this was the case, I’d assume the conflict of the story would be homophobia from parents/internalized homophobia itself, or struggling to understand themselves. Another conflict could be something that many teenagers experience as well, such as fear of the future. Maybe arranged marriage could still be a conflict, and since Feda’s name literally means “sacrifice” he’d probably still have to die in the end. Perhaps they could have rewritten the show like that and the show would have little to no controversy? The music is incredible, and it could even portray the beauty of Afghanistan through their amazing way of writing music. I’m just brainstorming and rambling here, sorry! when it comes to this show it seems as though that I always just vomit out more words than anyone cares to hear. Let’s address why it was controversial as well though... Many were repulsed by the idea of s-x trafficking as a musical, and even more outraged with the musical being about Afghanistan. It showed negative parts of the country, and that would add on to people’s perception and dislike toward Afghans, which if you live in America you are aware of the racists’ stereotypes and disdain toward Afghans. (If you are naïve like me, you probably did not catch that as well. I truly forgot that there were people who perceived Afghans in a negative light. I was awed by the diversity in the show and so focused on that) I believe that they also have said how gay men are usually perceived as pedophiles as well and this show did not help to minimize that harmful stereotypes. I’m obviously kind of dumb because I didn’t realize that stereotype.

However it is true, because realized I often see this trope in fiction books about “creepy uncles preying on their nephews”. Though people don’t agree with the fact that it is a musical, I always saw it as a different way of storytelling. There’s a book called The Kite Runner that talks about the same topic in this musical by the way. I didn’t know this but my friends have had to read that book as an assignment in their English class. I thought, well, TBWDOA, it just tells the story through songs. So all in all, these were many of the points people made, and you cannot be upset with them for being angry. When I first listened to the show, I was aware it was controversial, but I thought the controversy would be something that can be discussed and debated while being enjoyed. Similar to how Hamilton is often debated for glorifying the founding fathers while still being a good show. However, when I replied to one comment because I thought that this was how it was going to go, I was bombarded with several other comments, I was called pedophilic and was told that because I was not Afghan that I should not speak and when someone said that, I realized “okay, I was wrong to think that this was an issue that could be debated!” I did not realize how much deeper it would be. As a result, I was flooded with comments from instagram and twitter and it was STRESSFUL and overwhelming that I just couldn’t sleep and had to take a break! However someone told me that even the most controversial, flawed works of art should be appreciated or discussed. It’s up for debate if that’s true. The show is incredible in portraying the strength of the human spirit— “find your voice, even if it’s weak, using it can make a difference that will lead to a greater change.” It showed a boy who used something that was SUPPOSED to degrade and silence him as a tool to lift him up and strengthen him– that was an incredible theme. He found power in the resources he could. Dancing was supposed to be something he could not decide, but he made it his own, would not let it weaken him, and used it as a tool to push him toward more positive hopes. There’s something so powerful about people taking back the thing that was supposed to weaken them, and twisting in into something that gives them strength. Though just because the music embodies the main characters incredibly and the message is empowering, we cannot ignore that perhaps, yes the show was quite insensitive to many Afghan Americans. It might take me several months before I can listen to any song from this show again though. But the show has such a special place in my heart, for making me fall in love with music theory and musical instruments all over again, for pulling my heart strings with incredible themes/life lessons, and the show embodying that theme in a heartbreaking final song, and then lastly providing a beautiful love story. Am I insensitive for saying that? I really don’t want to be, but a story like this has never made me feel like that before. I was intrigued by Islamic wedding customs and researched into that. I fell in love with the purpose of whirling dervishes, and fascinated by how beautiful that was. I watched videos about them, i read about them. Feda talked about an old Afghan poet in the show and god, for hours I looked up that poet and read the translated English phrases (didn’t finish however). I was taken by the beautiful geography of Afghanistan. I researched beyond the show to look at Afghan culture and I appreciated that. I understood that, of course this wasn’t a common practice that is active in Afghanistan. But I’m aware now that so many people will not see it that way at all. They saw the show as indulging the idea that this practice is apart of their culture which is not true, and the original theater did not market that well at all.. I want to hope that this was just really bad timing, that this show was misinterpreted, and in the future will be enjoyed and discussed rather than torn apart. I never like being on the controversial side of things, but, gosh, I don’t know.

But, I know exactly how you feel. And I welcome any asks/my messages are open for discussion about this show now.

[twilightgoldenhour]

Victorian Candies

or: i have too much time on my hands and suffer from insomnia

pardon any spelling errors, this was written at 2:30 in the morning and i am dead. my eye bags are worse than the cullen’s when they haven’t fed in two weeks

also i wrote this post once before but because of a dumb mistake on my part, lost the post without saving. i do actually hate everything.

anyway

as i was writing chapter 2 of golden hour, i threw in what was supposed to be a throwaway line about guin wanting to know more about jasper, things like his favorite childhood candy

after i had written it, though, i stopped and asked myself: what would have been his favorite childhood candy? what candies were common in the mid-1850s, when jasper would have been 10-14? this, of course, was not information i needed to know. i could’ve made something up, and went on with my life without having spent like an hour doing research on victorian candy.

because i am me, though, that’s exactly what i did. because obviously my self indulgent twilight fanfiction about my self insert kissing jasper has to be as historically accurate as possible, right?

anyway. i did a quick google search about 1850s candy. the results were discouraging. apparently, mid victorian candy is not a popular topic of study, who knew?

regardless, i trudged on.

in a moment of extreme luck, i managed to find this article, which spoke a little about the history of candy and candies in the victorian era.

the article also talks a little about the history of the candy, and the most likely scenario of candy in the 1850s.

in the victorian era (or for most of it, anyway), the most common candy one could find were ‘penny candies’. penny candy was, from what i gather, generally types of hard candies one could buy in bulk. they were popular with children because of the fact that they were so inexpensive -- it likely wasn’t uncommon for children to have a penny or two to spend as they pleased. of course, this is all conjecture, so take it as you will. it also mentions that candy was often unique to it’s geographical area, which was interesting. it was usually made locally and sold locally, or brought to town by salesmen or peddlers.

what was really interesting about the article was that it mentioned a list of candies given by school children in an 1857 publication, volume 6 of The Ohio Journal of Education.

now, if bernadette banner has taught me anything, it’s that primary sources are invaluable.

so, obviously, i hunted the journal down on google scholar. i managed to find it (huzzah!).

the list of candies was under an article titled “Lessons on Common Things”. that was especially interesting to me -- it implied that the candies called out by school children (supposedly in grade 5 or so) were common knowledge at the time.

the list of candy was as follows:

“Cream, pop-corn, peppermint, molasses, rose, clove, nut 

Butterscotch, sugar plums, lemon drops, lemon candy, peppermint drops, french kisses, cinnamon 

Ice cream, wintergreen, sour drops, hoarhound, lavender, gum drops, vanilla

Rock, birch, cats-eye, orange, cough, kisses.”

some of these, we don’t have any idea what they were at the time -- i couldn’t find anything on cats-eye candies, and i’m unsure of what clove, nut, birch, or wintergreen are. i dont know what “cough” could refer to, either.

some of them are very familiar -- butterscotch, ice cream, peppermint, molasses, lemon drops, and gum drops are all candy we still have and eat today.

hoarhound is a treat we know about, although i don’t think it’s especially popular anymore. sugar plums are also known, but i’m unsure of their current popularity. i believe some of these -- rose, lavender, vanilla and orange -- refer to syrups flavored like those things, seeing as i think artificial flavors had been invented in the 1840s

what caught my attention was “Rock”. i was staring at my screen thinking, “what in the goddamn hell is rock?”

so, using the website mentioned earlier (this one), i clicked on the hyperlink they gave for “rock”.

it took me to a page for rock candy, and it made complete sense. of course rock referred to rock candy -- perhaps that’s how they referred to it, and the teacher simply didn’t have time to write out “candy” as well, or maybe it was commonly called “rock” or “rock sugar”, who knows.

anyway, having found this delightful list of candy from the era itself, at a time where jasper would have been around 13, i was once again faced with my original question: what would have been his favorite candy as a child?

after deliberating for a while, i decided that he wouldn’t have liked especially sweet things. i decided that his favorite candies were lemon drops -- sweet and sour -- and peppermint sticks.

and then, because i’ve always imagined jasper with a little sister he adored and who adored him, i decided that she would’ve like rock candy and sugar plums.

guin, of course, likes more modern candy -- butterscotch disks, now and laters, and sour skittles.

anyway. this is the story of how i ended up with historically accurate candy preferences for a fictional vampire.

the real humor here is that i do more goddamn research for my silly fanfiction than smeyer did for her actual published novel. hahahahahahahahaaa *cries*