#i know i deleted my art sideblog but tbh i dont really care anymore about my art being in ai or whatever

[commonboa]

checking in early with my yearly benny doodles brought to you by doritos & fritos by 100 gecs

[twinkiplier]

 just

the biggest reasons i’m depressed right now:

the fact that you’re one of 10 at the very most people who are going to read this is definitely one of them

tbh like no one actually appreciates my blog it feels like, its just... a bunch of reblogs and no one cares about my art

like when jack reblogged one of my posts it was literally a shitpost and like, it’s slowly dawning on me that shitposts are the only thing people are gonna care about besides the things i reblog

idk none of my sideblogs are doing v well either and its like... i dont even know if i give a fuck anymore about any of this

tumblr is honestly really stupid it makes me more depressed the more i use it but my anxiety tells me i cant stop or else it might negatively impact someone’s life

and then my anxiety tells me id rather not know because what if it doesnt

like can anyone name all my sideblogs

ten of them

five

one

i work really hard on these and its not my fault i have social anxiety and just assume people would rather die than interact with me or some shitty blog i made i still dont know how i have 850 followers i think im gonna delete at 1000

im not even kidding i think im gonna delete at 1000 followers im just

im done with it

i dont want to sit around and be ignored anymore

i dont wanna work hard on art for people not to notice it anymore because its like, people tell me ‘oh u should have commissions’ but im just like bitch no one wants my art when its free why would they pay for it

and i dont understand and i dont have a bank account and i dont have a paypal and i just want people to request things because i have a bunch of other stuff i dont have done because i dont have the energy for it

17 people won my 600 follower contest

seventeen

you know how many got back to me

eight

not even half

no one wants my shit okay why do you people even follow me is it just because you like watching me hate myself and stay up so late i start hallucinating so i have someone to talk to

my threads always get dropped my sideblogs always die my conversations always end and no one talks to me 99% of the time and its not like i can just talk to someone because it takes hours to work up that kind of courage and i cant do it and then i just feel worse and i curl up and cry because i feel shitty

whatever i dont even know why im writing this nothings gonna change

im goin to bed i guess

bed being just curing up on top of the covers and crying while i pretend to sleep for a few hours until i get bored

sorry for ever existing ill stop talking now