#i know everything i’m doing is rooted in my ed but i think it will grow into actually just being healthier

[eversncenewyork]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[starshideurfics]

Daisies

The van is in the shop. And Eddie’s a little high, band practice ran long, so of course he misses Steve. Misses him so bad he *needs* to see him. Right away.

He says as much to Jeff as he stumbles out the door with a wave over his shoulder.

He cuts through a field, distracted for a minute by the wildflowers, thinks how long it’s been since he got Steve flowers. It’s been months, since Valentine’s Day, which *can’t* be right! His baby deserves flowers! To know how much he loves him!

His Stevie deserves pretty things.

Stooping awkwardly, Eddie gathers a small handful of white flowers, not wanting to take too many from their home, to condemn so many to a slow death on Steve’s desk.

He wipes at his eyes, knows he’s overthinking things. He breathes deep, sniffs at the daisies. Smiles again.

Focus renewed on getting to Steve, Eddie tramps along, crossing the field into the woods behind Steve’s house, tripping a little over roots and staying far from the edge of the pool, afraid he’ll lose his balance and fall in, ruin his nice surprise.

He knocks on the sliding glass door, holding out the bouquet expectantly.

Steve answers, smile big as he tugs Eddie inside. “I thought I was supposed to pick you up in an hour,” he says, accepting the flowers.

“You were?” Eddie asks dumbly, trying his hardest to remember said plans, but everything is fuzzy.

“Yeah, but I’m not complaining that you couldn’t wait.” Steve grins, smells his daisies. “I should get these in some water, and I’m guessing you’re thirsty too.”

He leads Eddie to the kitchen, getting the flowers into a vase and handing Eddie a glass of water. Eddie drinks the whole thing in one go, eyes on Steve the entire time. “You take such good care of me, baby. S’why I had to see you.”

“I’m just glad you made it here safely.”

Steve smiles fondly at him and Eddie feels like the sun is shining down on him, warming his whole body. “I’m sorry I don’t bring you flowers more often.”

“Eddie, it’s o—”

“You’re so wonderful, and I need to show you. All the time! You deserve flowers, Stevie.”

“And you brought me such pretty daisies, Ed. You know you don’t need—”

“Daisies. Daisy. Did you know daisy is a contraction of day’s eye? Because it is. And these eyes are all the better off for gazing upon your beauty.”

“How much of band practice was just a smoke sesh?” Steve asks, fond smile still firmly in place as he gently cradles Eddie’s face in his hands.

“We shared a bowl at the end, that’s it. I’m barely feeling it,” Eddie protests.

“Sure.” Eddie can tell Steve doesn’t believe that.

“I can’t help that you inspire the poetry of my heart, Steven! That I look upon your beguiling face and I must let you know the very depth of my love for you! Shouting it from the highest rooftops would not be enough. Filling your house with blossoms would not show my true ardor.

“If only I could place my very heart inside your chest, let it live beside yours, every beat in tandem.” Eddie shrinks then, proclamation finished, throwing his arms around Steve’s ribcage and burying his face against his shoulder.

Steve’s hand comes up to stroke his hair. “I know, love,” he whispers. Presses a kiss to his temple. “You tell me how much you love me with everything you say and do. Thank you, for never making me question how you feel.”

“You’re my Stevie,” Eddie mumbles, muffled a bit by Steve’s shirt. “I’ll always let you know. S’why I should give you more flowers.”

“I love the ones I have already.

[lovebugism]

Congratulations, babydoll! Sending this in early! So super proud of you, and you’re one of my favorite authors/humans around here! ;) 😘🎂💝❤️

“Let me take care of you today. Don’t do anything in return, just let me.” - For virgin! Eddie (him taking care of the reader) ❤️

kristen. love of my life. absolute queen of smut. thank you so much for always being so kind! i wasn't sure if you wanted this to be smutty or not, so here's 2k words of eddie spaghetti taking care of a sick reader (also me soft launching the nickname Peach hahah) hope you enjoy!!

part of the tcar universe!

Eddie Munson was a worrier.

Apart from creating D&D campaigns and mastering Metallica guitar riffs, it’s what he did best.

Like, when Dustin skips out on Hellfire for the first time, he immediately thinks something’s wrong. He keeps the poor boy in the club room after the rest of the boys have left, badgering him about the reason why. “If something’s going on at home, you can tell me. You know that, right? Rule number one of Hellfire, you know? It’s a safe place.”

“I thought rule number one of Hellfire was never sit in your throne? Dustin asks with furrowed brows.

“Well, yeah, but… I’m just saying. You can tell me if something’s going on.”

“My mom’s just getting a new cat, Eds. We have to drive to Indianapolis to pick it up after school,” the boy explains, so sincere he’s practically cooing. “Everything’s okay, alright. I promise.”

“Alright. Drop the tone,” Eddie squints at him.

Dustin grins. “I’m happy you care so much, though. It’s really sweet, actually.”

“If you wanna keep the teeth you have left, I suggest you shut up, Henderson.”

Dustin makes fun of him about that to this day. 

Still, it hasn’t lessened his ability to stress out over nothing.

Gareth is five minutes late to band practice at The Hideout, and Eddie’s certain his beat-up truck is sitting somewhere in a ditch. Mike comes to school with a scrape on his cheek, and Eddie immediately thinks Jason and his basketball goons are giving him a hard time again.

It’s a deep-rooted urge to protect the people he cares about — to worry incessantly about their well-being and fight like hell if something’s wrong. And these are just the boys he tolerates, at best.

So when Eddie’s worried about you? All hell threatens to break loose.

Two days pass, and he hasn’t heard a single thing from you.

And it’s not the total end of the world or anything. You get busy sometimes, and that’s fine. 

Is a part of him distantly worried that you’re lying dead in your apartment? Sure. But still. The sliver of logical thinking he possesses knows that you’re fine. Eddie’s mostly able to simmer in his worry until the third day comes and goes with no word from you.

He’s popped into a full-on boil by then.

“Have you seen my keys?” the boy asks his uncle while he rifles between the couch cushions, searching for the metal things he can’t even seem to keep up with.

“You’re what?” Wayne answers, tucked too comfortably in his recliner for a time like this. He’s more focused on his Cheers re-run than his nephew’s anxious mumbling.

“My keys. They’re missing.”

“You didn’t leave ‘em in your van, did you?”

“No, I didn’t leave them in my van,” Eddie snaps. It’s more harshly than he intended but he doesn’t think to apologize as he looks under the magazines on the coffee table.

Wayne isn’t deterred by his tone. He pops another chip into his mouth and talks through the mouthful. “Did ya look in your room?”

“Yes. That’s the first place I check. They’re not there.”

“Kitchen counter?”

“I looked there, too.”

“Well, they gotta be somewhere, Eds,” Wayne chuckles.

“It’s not funny,” Eddie scolds in a fit of boyish rage. He ceases his search for a moment to be angry — his tight chest thankful for the weight is let off. “My girlfriend could be dead—”

“Your girlfriend’s fine,” the older man assures, still laughing a little to himself. Eddie’s dramatics and misplaced worries are familiar to him now. He looks over his shoulder at his nephew, grey brows raised. “Maybe she just wanted some space. Ever think of that?”

Eddie shakes his stubborn head. “You don’t know her, alright? That’s not— That’s not how she operates.

“Operates?” Wayne scoffs in a laugh. “She a robot or something.”

“…You’re are no help, you know that?”

Eddie backtracks to his room. He finds his keys beneath a pile of dirty clothes in the very corner of his room. He doesn’t care to know how they got there. He’s just grateful he found them at all.

He’s forced to walk by Wayne with them in hand to leave the trailer. The man’s lilted “I told ya so” doesn’t go unheard.

His van gets him to the other side of town in ten minutes flat — half the time it usually takes, but still not quick enough. He ascends the concrete stairs two a time before b-lining to your apartment. He grips the knob, expecting it to be locked, but it gives under the weight of his hand.

“Oh my god, if she’s not already dead, I’m gonna kill her,” Eddie mumbles rather morbidly to himself as he walks into your unlocked apartment.

He’s surprised to find you on the couch — your back facing him, all wrapped up in blankets, with a thousand tissues on the coffee table.

“Hopper, I told you a thousand times, I’m fine—” Your voice is scratchy and slurred, the makings of a girl who’s exhausted and obviously sick.

You turn slowly to look over your shoulder, careful not to jostle your migraine. Your glassy, red-rimmed eyes go wide when you find that Eddie’s the one standing in your driveway instead of Lurch.

“Coulda fooled me,” the boy quips with a sympathetic smile at your pallid appearance — sallow face, sunken eyes, messy hair. 

He doesn’t know you’ve got a raging monster of a headache, but he shuts the door closed softly anyway.

“Eddie?” you call his name. It’s mixed with a groan as you flip onto your back. The change in position makes your head pound all over again. You squint at Eddie through the knife in your skull. “What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you,” he tells you just before laying his keys on the table and sitting on the wooden edge of it in front of you. He puts the back of his hand to your warmed cheek. It nearly burns him.

“And everyone said I was stupid for being so worried. Now I know I had every right to be.”

“In their faces huh?” you quip dryly, then laugh until it turns into a coughing fit.

You hack into your elbow. Eddie winces and reaches for the half-gone glass of water at his side. He hands it to you and you take the thing in your trembling grasp, sipping from it gratefully.

“How long have you felt like this?” Eddie agonizes, full of woe.

“I don’t know… Couple days, maybe,” your breaths are uneven and unusually deep, as though each one is hard for you to take. Your face is scrunched up like they pain you.

“Why didn’t you call? You know I would’ve come over.”

“I thought I was feeling better,” you rasp. “And I came in here, but then I felt worse.”

“You should’ve told me before.”

“I didn’t want you to get sick…”

“I’ve been sick for four days, Peach,” Eddie laughs when you go all sheepish. “I would’ve rather been here getting sick with you than all the way across town worrying if you were dead or not.”

Your brows pinch together. “What?”

“Nothing,” he answers quickly.

You look like you want to argue, but it turns into another coughing fit. Eddie grimaces as you take another hearty sip. It hardly helps.

“What can I do?” he grieves, feeling totally helpless.

“Nothing,” you croak as your head lolls onto the throw pillow behind your head. Your heavy eyes flutter shut. Eddie swears he can hear your chest rattling.

“I’m gonna get you some more water, okay? And maybe a cold rag for you head.” He rises from the table with the glass in hand. “I make you some soup, too, if you have some. I make a mean canned chicken noodle, if I do say so myself—”

“No, don’t go,” you rasp and reach for his head. You rise on your elbow so suddenly that it makes the room spin around you. Your eyes squeeze shut again and you groan.

“See?” Eddie coos with a soft smile. “This is what not accepting my help gets you.”

“Just go home, Eds,” you plead after the room’s stopped spinning. “I’m okay. I don’t wanna get you sick, too.”

“I’m taking care of you today, babe. Whether you like it or not.”

Eddie ushers you to lay back down again. You do so without much protest, but with a pretty little pout on your face. He pulls the quilt back over you and smooths the frown between your brows with his thumb.

“You can try to fight me on this, but I’m pret-ty sure I’d win, so…”

“But it makes me feel bad,” you whine. “I can’t do anything for you—”

“You do stuff for me all the time, alright? Now, it’s my turn. I don’t need you to do anything for me in return, anyway, so… You might as well just let me.”

Eddie gives you little time to argue — not that your body would’ve let you, anyway. He returns with a glass of water, a wet rag, and a kiss on your forehead. He winces playfully after his lips touch your skin and lays the cool cloth over you.

“Jeez, babe. If you get any hotter, you’re gonna burn me,” he jokes, just to make you smile.

He cleans up the living room and wraps you up in more blankets when you start to get the cold sweats. He tucks you in them like a burrito, propping you against the arm of the couch so you can sit up more comfortably.

He’s off to the kitchen a second later. You can hear him rifling through your cabinets for something to ease your prickly throat. The only thing soup-adjacent he finds is a box of macaroni and cheese.

“This’ll have to do…” he murmurs to himself and to his co-chef, Bowie the Calico, who keeps him company while he boils the water and stirs in the powdered cheese. He kisses the wooden spoon to make sure it’s cooled down enough before fixing two bowls.

He carries them bowl, a blue and a green one, into the living room.

“It’s certainly no chicken noodle soup, but it’s still good,” Eddie promises as he sits down the dishes in front of you. He settles neatly on the couch beside you right after. His raised brows disappear behind his curly bangs. “It’s a good thing I make the best boxed mac and cheese this side of Hawkins has ever seen, huh?”

“Yeah,” you hum, smiling despite your exhaustion and the distant throbbing in your head. “I’m really lucky, Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie purses his smile to the side and turns his glowing cheeks to the coffee table.

He picks up your bowl and stirs it to let the steam out. His gaze is far shier than it was before when he looks at you again. “How you feeling now, Peach?”

“Like someone shoved a box of cotton up my nose and through my skull.”

“So… better?” he teases.

You know he’s joking, but you nod anyway. “A little. Probably ‘cause you’re here.”

He laughs when weakly jab his thigh with your sock-clad foot.

“And to think, you were gonna kick me out.”

“I’m still scared you’re gonna get sick— what are you doing?” Your head juts back when he lifts the fork to your mouth, motioning for you to eat the pile of noodles sitting on top.

“Feeding you,” he shrugs. “What does it look like.”

“I can feed myself—”

“Ah, ah, ah,” the boy scolds when you reach to take the fork from him. He jerks his hand away from you. His face scrunches in a feigned anger. “I’m taking care of you today, remember? You can have the next turn.”

“Eddie—”

“Don’t Eddie me, alright? Just eat it. The more you argue, the longer this is gonna take.”

You take one bit, just to humor him.

He doesn’t let up until you’ve eaten it all, makes you down the rest of your water, too.

His food is cold now, but you’re better.

The life has returned to your eyes. They twinkle when they look at him, no longer as sunken in as they had been before. A part of him wonders if he’s the reason why. He ultimately decides to blame it on his sort of homemade mac and cheese, lest his heart explode from how much he adores you.

“Feel better?” he asks as he sits your bowl back down on the table.

You nod. For the first time in three days, it doesn’t make your head spin.

“Yeah. Thanks for taking care of me, Eddie Spaghetti.”

“No, thank you, for only putting up a little bit of a fight when I tried, sweetheart.”

He leans forward, as though to kiss you.

You pull back from him. “No, don’t.”

“Why?” he pouts.

“Because you’ll get sick.”

The boy scoffs. “I don’t care about that.”

“Well, I care about that.”

“Babe. I’m made of metal. I don’t get sick.”

You shake your head at the relentless boy. “As long as you’re aware of the consequences,” you lilt in a rasp.

“I’d kiss you now even if it meant I died tomorrow, Peach.”

“That’s really morbid—” you try to joke, but his mouth is already on yours.

He’s got one foot on the ground and a knee digging into the couch. One hand props himself on the cushion at your side while the with clutches the back one. Eddie leans over your bent knees and presses a sweet peck upon your chapped lips.

“Mm,” he hums against you. His pinks lips curl into a grin when he pulls away. His chocolate eyes sparkle at you. “Tastes like mac and cheese and winter time.”

“Wintertime?” you giggle.

“Yeah,” he shrugs.

He doesn’t tell you that he means it more in the flu season way rather than the sparkling snow one. It’s more poetic that way, he figures.

“I’ll get you more water,” he grunts as he rises from the couch, empty bowl and glass in hand.

“Hey, Eds?” you call before he can get too far.

He stops in the door way. “Yeah?”

Your tired head tilts to your shoulder. “I love you.”

“I know,” Eddie grins.

You squint at him before he ducks back into the kitchen.

“I know you did not just Han Solo me—”

[stonerskinny]

i’ll tell you guys the real reason i want to kill myself so badly.

tw csa-adjacent

i had this memory come up of me at like age 7.

basically…i tried to touch my friend inappropriately.

i’ll stop right there to give you a sec to let that sink in.

i know. i’m basically a fucking predator. hell, i just am.

now, at the time i myself was being inappropriately touched/commented on by my father. and he’d shown me p0rn and shit.

but that’s no excuse. i did what i did of my own volition and probably traumatized someone for the rest of their life and there is no place for vile people who do that shit in this world. people like me, clearly.

so when i’m so desperate to do it that’s probably because this is rattling around in my brain. i’ve spent every day since i remembered this just terrified that everyone who cares about me will find out and hate me and be disgusted by me but if im just going to kill myself anyway i might as well tell the internet, right?

i think this is the real root of what my ed and everything else has become. it all started before, but i think it all became inescapable after. i’ve been punishing myself for it since before i even remembered it happened, and now that i remember i just can’t let myself stop. i don’t deserve a happy life. i don’t deserve to get better. i deserve to rot with the rest of the scum of this earth.

i’ll probably always be too much of a pussy to ever say this out loud to any other human, but at least this way people know the root reason why i’m doing this. and they can stop caring, and let me die.

now you all know the real reason i despise myself so much.

[talesfromthebacklog]

Adding to The Backlog: Christmas Sale Pickups.

This is the time of year I pick up the most titles (which I then work on for the rest of the year.). And why not? Everything is on sale! I actually budget for this time of year.

It’s “Tales From The Backlog” not “We buy nothing until I finish the backlog”. The backlog will never be finished.

So let’s go over what I got! Links for everything will provided. As I find people are more likely to engage if the work was already done for them. Me included. This is not necessarily a suggestion list. If you want to see if any of these games are actually any good follow my blog. But I do think it’s interesting to show people what kind of gamer you are, the games you’re attracted to, their difficulty level.

A gamer’s library says a lot about a gamer, in my opinion.

For Playstation 5:

Goodbye Volcano High:

TLDR: I put this one first because if you don’t see any of the other games on my pickup list, I AT LEAST want you to consider this one. This was the only Playstation title I picked up on sale (It is also on Steam). This is pre(historic)-apocalyptic coming of age visual novel with killer animation and music. I’m surprised I don’t see folks talk about this one more. It’s maybe the most stunning looking visual novel to come out this year. (At least at a glance)

Which is a hefty claim considering titles like Jack Jeanne and Virche Evermore: Error Salvation dropped this year. I can’t WAIT to play this one.

For Nintendo Switch:

Roots of Pacha:

I came back around to this one. It looks like Stardew Valley but with cavemen. You don’t see cavemen touched on a lot anymore so it seems different and interesting.

Wylde Flowers:

This is one see that keeps popping up in conversations and videos as a great cozy game. It’s supposed to be really good. I’m honest enough to admit that it being on the Apple app store as well as Switch makes me REALLY skeptical. But I’ve seen enough gameplay where I’m willing to take a chance.

Coromon:

I enjoy Pokemon-like titles. I don’t think we get enough of them. I love Pokemon. And you’ll be seeing my update on how I feel about Scarlet/Violet’s last piece of DLC the Indigo Disc here pretty soon.

However Pokemon is so domineering on the market that a lot of these smaller collector games get unnoticed. This seems to be a very unapologetic Pokemon-clone much like Monster Crown. Which is fine by me.

Nexomon + Nexomon: Extinction bundle:

Another very obvious Pokemon clone. But it’s obviously prettier than its Coromon counterpart. (Kinda wish the names were more unique.) I have nothing new to say here.

Monster Sanctuary:

Pokemon… but it’s a Metroidvania. $3.99. I swear the theme wasn’t intentional they just all popped up on sale at decent prices.

2021 Moon Escape:

This is from the same people who did Traumatarium. I did a review on that one a few months back. It’s on sale for $2.49. And this ISN’T my cheapest pickup for this year. The gameplay reminds me of Zelda or Star Tropics. But I don’t know much about it other than what the trailer already shows us. But also it was $2.49. It’s okay with me if it’s just okay. Not all games have to be 10/10.

Mythic Ocean:

I have a soft spot for ocean games. Even the more spooky ones like Subnautica or Dredge still have this serene element to them. Mythic Ocean is no different. You apparently help a pantheon of gods find themselves. Which in turn those choices shape the world around you. Sounds simple, short, and cute. It looked a bit explorable too? We’ll see. I’m unsure about that part. It’s on sale for $1.99. And this was my cheapest pickup this season.

For Steam:

Sonic Forces: Overclocked (Steam version REQUIRED for this)

I have, in no uncertain terms. Have played this game. I 100%ed it even. I like the game. Played better but I still like it.

HOWEVER. I haven’t played Sonic Forces Overclocked. Which requires the PC version of Sonic Forces!

This is a FAN MADE incredible mod that blows the original game out of the water apparently. This is, perhaps, my most high priority game purchase of the YEAR. And it’s only $10 to buy Forces right now. This is literally a no brainer.

Slay The Princess:

I felt like videos on this one sprung up seemingly overnight on Youtube. I watched someone play the demo and it was an awesome looking game. A horror visual novel about saving a princess is a neat little premise. This one was barely on sale, but I see myself playing this one soon because of the hype. The full voice acting is great.

Magical Diary: Wolf Hall

The original visual novel Magical Diary: Horse Hall was a game a friend showed me back in high school. Pretty innocent and cute. When this dropped in 2020 I was surprised the game got a sequel at all. The thing I remember most about Horse Hall was that there was a route where you could date Professor Snape. That wasn’t his name but… it might as well have been.

[jiminrings]

“The ache of unfulfillment in you is bred by everything significant in your life” really legitimized the harrowing feeling I have everyday questioning what I’m doing in life,

but also I don’t really do enough to change it? It is what it is(for the most part) and I’ve been living in my head constantly scrutinizing myself enough for three generations. It’s a sad truth I’ve come to live with, but I really resonate w readers lack of agency after all.

In a very selfish way, I was jealous of the eventual convo w joon airing out her grievances and seeing him will to make that change while addressing his faults. I wish I had siblings (or anyone) that saw me grow up and realize that maybe I did deserve better, better than just “okay”.

“What your mom does know is that she doesn’t know a single thing about the heartbreak you suppress, and that thought alone makes her hiccup in tears.” Can we put this in the hall of literary cogitates? Re: I had to open my journal in the middle of reading and reflect on why this scene came down on my chest like the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.

I loved yoongi (still rooting for him to grovel a bit more) but him finally revealing all the silent ways he loved reader was:(. She deserved to know how much she meant to him, that he loved her so much, traveled countries in hopes to find her.

I want to believe he truly loves(ed) her and she didn’t become his failsafe bc of the divorce with hyewon. I truly think “you don’t know what you had till it’s gone” describes Yoongi because he missed a lifetime a love for a couple years of settling with someone who didn’t respect him.

“You’ll go on this tangent that you’ve always been weak, influenced by the times that Yoongi had chastised you for your lack of a passion. 

To you, Yoongi had been right in a way.

To Yoongi, he’s always been in the wrong” broke my heart the right amount :|

Haneul being a conjecture personified. A constant reminder of what reader could’ve had, but more importantly a wake up call that we’re too late for hypotheticals. We’re here now and have to deal with the consequences of (Y)our actions (yoongi:p)

I also loved jk. He was so sweet and if their jobs weren’t a conflict of interest, I’d be delighted to see how loved he’d make her feel. I hope he puts his crush to good use and treats her the best.

I think this has been my favorite oc you’ve written because of how much she resembles my daily life. A kind of selfish bit, but it’s heartwarming looking at someone knowing they deserved better than the cards they were dealt because that means there’s a hope someone will finally look at me and think the same. (Fingers crossed for us all)

Thank u sm for writing this and I hope my eyes are not mistaken me and there’s a continuation of the series? I’d love to see how it plays out

Also, reader & I would love a Spotify jam session w Passion by PinkPantheress on repeat all night long for sure <3

first of all, thank u so so much for reading and being here w me 🫂🩷 i'm with you with that harrowing feeling every single day bc whenever i look back at even the most recent month, i get so shocked?? wdym i am occasionally miserable bc of the same things i swore are the ones that keep me happy . ahhhh i'm glad that stuck with you!!!! u may not have siblings but trust me, as someone with two brothers, having them isn't what's always cut out to be i promise!!! i resonate w you wanting someone to tell you u deserved better (for the best and more than okay) n although i'm not your sister, i'm here to tell u that you really, genuinely did 🩷🩷 STOPPPPP u opening ur journal mid-read?? whew!!! haneul really is a conjecture personified i fear </3 thank you so so much for reading and taking the time to send me this!!! it truly means a lot to me (more than i can ever enunciate) n to know that oc is a statue of what you n i (n a lot of other people) feel like is really something!!!! ty for the recs n yes there'll be a season 2!!! MWAH!!!!

[ikariokami]

Thoughts on the OFMD Season 2 finale : I’m not mad that Izzy died. I’m mad about how he died. He deserved better.

Izzy lived his life in service of Blackbeard. He did so willingly because he loved him above all else. When Ed changed and moved on without him, Izzy felt betrayed. He did what he had to do to “save” Blackbeard from himself. Because, like Izzy said, he needed him. Blackbeard was them. It was never Ed and Izzy. It was Blackbeard and Izzy. His captain left him behind for something new and it scared him.

Then, with this new season, Izzy was able to break away from that toxic need. He saw Ed for the man he was and realized he didn’t need him anymore. He made connections with the crew and found a family with them. Izzy’s role as first mate was always to protect the crew. That’s why he let Ed mutilate him when they refused his orders. In turn, they protected him from Ed and helped him heal from his trauma (or at least, ease the pain of it by letting him know they cared). Izzy had the crew. He was learning to live life as a new person, separate from his role as Blackbeard’s first mate. He was finally healing.

It would have been nice to just let him become captain of the new Revenge. But, if he absolutely had to die, it should have been with the crew there. It shouldn’t have been in Ed’s lap, his final words only serving to further Ed’s development. His death had no impact on the crew. Ed didn’t even care when Yi Sao asked if he wanted revenge for Izzy. He never truly loved or valued him.

Ed is selfish through and through. He had the audacity to say that Izzy was his only family after the way he treated him. He never even properly apologized. Izzy deserved a death that wasn’t in service to Ed. He gave everything and got nothing in return. What was the point of making him the new Unicorn if he isn’t there to take up his place on the ship? It feels very much like he was killed because he “got in the way” of Ed and Stede (which, he didn’t!).

My feelings on this are pretty extreme but, I think that’s because I’m projecting onto this character that I love so much. As someone that had also given my everything to someone, only to be betrayed by them and have to learn to live without them, it feels like a huge personal slap in the face. I’ve been a fan of Izzy since season one. I was always rooting for him. I wanted to see him grow and carry on with his life beyond Ed because that’s what I’ve been learning to do in my own situation.

I’m also incredibly mad, as a queer and poly person, that Olu and Jim couldn’t just be in a poly relationship with Zheng and Archie. It’s like HBO said “you can be queer but ONLY in groups of two”. I never shipped or expected a steddyhands ending. At least the Olu/Jim/Archie representation was nice when it lasted.

[adickaboutspoons]

Fanfic Masterprint

(envinoveritas over on AO3. Why settle for just one pseud?) Dearly Beloved “I know I haven’t any right to request anything of you, but I have a huge favor to ask and it simply can’t wait a moment longer. When you meet the right person, when your heart finally knows the perfect peace of love, who can possibly stand not to join together with their beloved as soon as humanly possible. Well, I’ve finally found the man for me. Ed, won't you help me finally realize my dream of joy?” Stede clasped Ed’s hand between both of his own again, his eyes shining, his cheek flushed, “Will you please marry me?”

Just like that, the blossoming hope within Ed’s chest was ripped out by the roots, leaving him raw and bleeding inside. Fresh tears, hot and unwelcomed, spilled down his face. His knees gave out and he leaned heavily on the capstan behind him. So that was it. In all his adventures, Stede had met someone new, and now he wanted to make it official. In absence of a willing clergyman to officiate, he’d decided the next best thing would do - a ship’s captain.

Stede asks Ed to marry him immediately upon seeing Ed again. Ed thinks he means he wants Ed to officiate a wedding between Stede and somebody else. A comedy of errors ensues. 8,241 words; Rated T

Something Weird A silly little ficlet in which Ed makes a proposition & Stede makes an assumption. 303 words; Rated T

Stede Sonnets I have a problem. It’s everyone’s problem now. An ever-expanding collection of sonnets. Let's say Rated M because some of them are kind of dirty.

Beautiful and Useless They were half-way across the state room before it became obvious where Stede intended to steer them, and Ed dug in his heels, refusing to move. “I’m not going to bleed all over your bed, mate. We can just sort everything out right here.”

Stede scowled at him. “We’ll do nothing of the sort!” he chided. “It’s bad enough that you were flaunting an open wound to the night air without also being cavalier about taking proper care of it afterwards. The only thing for it is to give it a proper cleaning and hope for the best. With any luck, the breeze was fresh enough and water clean enough to dissipate the miasma and keep it from penetrating you too deeply.”

“Miasma?” Ed chewed on the word, then swung his head round to face Stede, a brave smile rounding his cheeks and crinkling his eyes. Stede felt his scowl soften a bit; he wished Ed didn’t feel the need to put on such a show for his benefit. “As far as I recall, the only thing that penetrated me tonight was you. And mias-” here Ed grunted, the last syllable remaining unsaid, “didn’t come into play at all. Yet.”

After of the "Stab me" scene, Ed and Stede have different ideas about what direction the night is meant to go.

6,658 words; Rated T

Your Achilles There had to be some kind of code or secret word or sign known only to the upper crust that would signal to Stede that he had the all-clear to move full speed ahead, but any time he brought up courting in the course of their gentleman lessons, Stede’s naturally ruddy complexion went even redder and he stammered out some nonsense about how he was ill-qualified to advise as he and Mary hadn’t courted before their wedding. Stede didn’t like to talk about his life prior to the Revenge, and Ed didn’t like to press him too much, mostly because every scrap he’d gleaned about Stede’s past made his blood boil on Stede’s behalf. But also partially because, if the people in his life couldn’t recognize Stede’s value or be arsed to do everything in their power to keep him? Well, that was Ed’s incredible gain. Ed knew treasure when he saw it, and he damn well knew how to keep hold of it.

If only it would hold him first.

Alternative Perspective Sequel of "Beautiful and Useless."

It's...uh... significantly hornier.

10,038 words; Rated E Hook Head Man Tale Short one-shot resulting from an ofmd-daily challenge. 1,582 words; G-rated metafiction

Put Your Kraken Arms Around Me Stede smiled thinking about Ed broaching the subject earlier today (after they had decidedly been NOT sleeping in this bed). “Well, I've gotten kind of used to sleeping here and now that you're back and we're back together maybe we should. You know. Both. Sleep here. You know. If you want. Whatever.”

His affected indifference hadn't fooled Stede in the slightest. He now well knew that was just a front Ed put up when he wanted something especially badly. He'd kissed the frown off Ed's mouth and said he thought that was an excellent idea.

And it was.

In theory.

He'd designed this bed for two after all.

In theory.

inspired by @wearfinethingsalltoowell:

Imagine Stede not knowing bed-sharing etiquette and so he rolls over to the side to give Ed space, and then Ed is just like “nope. I’m getting a hug Stede no escape” 1,055 words; T-rated bedsharing fluff

And Hold Me And Touch Me “Fuck, I want you so bad, Stede,” Ed murmured against Stede’s neck. “Want you to hold me. Do you know how many times I dreamed of you holding me only to wake up in that goddamned bed alone? Do it. Put your fucking arms around me. Touch me. Don’t you want to touch me, lover?”

And, God, Stede really, really did. He wanted it so much he felt dizzy with want. When Ed’s mouth found his, he was kissing back with everything he had before he even realized what was happening. Ed’s passionate, mobile lips lighting up his whole brain like a beacon to let him know that this was it. He had made it. He was home. It felt so perfect - even better than he remembered.

And it was all wrong.

a response to @wearfinethingsalltoowell on tumblr:

Imagine Ed getting giggly drunk, dropping into Stede’s lap, telling him how pretty he is, kissing him, giving him the baby cow eyes, asking for snuggles

Now imagine it’s pre-reconciliation 1,160 words; Rated T

Advanced Maneuvers Stede pushed off with all the coiled power of his leg and whirled like a windmill in a hurricane, grabbing Ed by the lapels of his leather jacket. He then caught his foot in the hem of his nightshirt and sent them both tripping backwards until they hit the wall.

Ed licked his lips, huffing with the breath apparently knocked out of him again. “Now that’s what I’m talking about,” he murmured.

“I think I’m getting it!” Stede beamed.

“You could get it any time you wanted it,” Ed answered, his voice a throaty rumble.

Which was just observably false. If Stede could get it any time he wanted, he’d have gotten it right on the first go! Still, small steps on the road to improvement were encouraging. “Let’s go again!” he said, and scampered back to the starting mark.

Remember that scene where Ed taught Stede the "Unhand Me or Bleed" maneuver? No? Huh. 1st chapter rated T; can be read as a stand-alone. 2nd chapter rated E; written because I believe in rewarding lovely comments with smut. 9,190 words total

Timing is Everything Ed shifted his hips against the growing developments in his pants and groaned. Shit. Fuck. Shitfuck. How do you be normal when you just groaned whilst pinned under your unrequited crush with a raging hard-on and your hand under his clothes and inches from his dick?

“Well, that’s one way to get me on my back.”

Yep. Nailed it.

Alternative Perspective Sequel (that's my brand, baby) to Advanced Maneuvers. Ed offers to teach Stede the "Unhand me or bleed" maneuver. For purely altruistic reasons. Yep. 15,172 words; ALL of it rated E because I believe in rewarding lovely comments with smut AND Ed Teach is thirsty af.

Holy Fuck “Where would you hide out if you were running from the law? Somewhere safe and quiet, I’d wager. Probably a church, right?”

“I don’t know about that!”

“Why not? No temptations to worry about in a church, right? Not unless you’ve got some secret, steamy fantasies squirreling around in your belfry.”

Stede was quiet for just a hair too long. “No, quite right,” he agreed.

Ed looked over at him. Stede was still staring fixedly into the bottom of his glass, but now his face was a far-too-careful mask of nonchalance, which was belied by the way he was blushing all the way to the tips of his ears, and his Adam's apple bobbed around a pronounced swallow.

“Aaaugh. You DO, don’t you? Come on, mate. Spill.”

When Ed discovers that Stede "maybe they understand ecclesiastical Latin" Bonnet not only has a special interest in religion, but also harbors a super-secret sexual fantasy set in a church, the only way he can wheedle it out of him is by offering an exchange. He'll tell Stede his secret-church-sex-fantasy if Stede shares first.

Of course Ed doesn't have one.

But he's always been good at making things up on the fly. 6,119 words; E-rated priest-kink sacrelicious smutty smut. Under Par Stede was in hell. It wasn't a surprise, exactly, after so many Sundays of being shouted down about it in church, but he hadn't expected it quite so soon. Nor quite so verdant. Nor in the company of the Badminton twins.

Well, he might have guessed the part about the Badmintons.

As gladly as he'd suffer his scourges if he knew for certain those two were getting their licks as well, this was, unfortunately, only a metaphorical hell. A golf-outing-cum-business-meeting that he'd tried his level best to dodge but had finally run out of excuses.

From @jellybeanium124:

is anyone gonna write a fic where ed and stede ditch a country club party together and steal a golf cart and write around drunk?? ed in a golf cart please!

And @serious-goose:

i raise you flirty cartgirl!Ed. if you know you know. they basically sell drinks and snacks to old rich dudes at golf courses and ride around on golf cart drink carts. some flirt for tips... 😏

All I can say is "Por que no los dos?" Modern AU. 4,237 words; Rated T

Time Enough "ABANDON SHIP!" he howled to anyone who could hear him above decks. He pushed himself to his feet, though the floor slanted at a perilous angle, and the boards were slick with the water that was lapping over the window sill.

"Stede?" he said, casting his eyes around the cabin. His breath caught in his throat when he found him.

Stede was pinned to the wall with the map table slanting across his shoulders. His eyes were closed and he was bleeding profusely from a nasty-looking cut on his forehead.

He was also quite still.

from @let-me-dream-with-the-stars: If the show had enough of a budget, I had the idea yesterday of a moment where Stede and Ed trapped inside a room, maybe a sinking ship the revenge and the rooms filling with water. Just the ULTIMATE drama: trapped beneath a bookshelf? They have to keep pushing even as they are now underwater? One escapes and has to pull the other out as he's slowly becoming weak???

3,889 words; Rated T

Unbelievable a response to @ofmd-dailyquest prompt: Make Up Unbelievable Stories about The Most Fearsome Pirate.

The men of Bridgetown entertain themselves at the pub by exchanging stories about Blackbeard. Jeffrey Fettering has his own contribution, and it happens to involve his recently departed acquaintance, Stede Bonnet. 459 words; Rated T

Footsteps in the Dark Then he heard it.

The gentle click of the latch as his door slowly opened followed by the quiet cadence of familiar footsteps in the dark. Just like nearly every night for some weeks now.

The darkness of the night was profound; the moon hid her face & the inky depths of the sea spread out all around them, league upon league. And even were it not so Stede's sleep mask was snuggly fitted into place. Still he knew the steadily approaching gait as surely as he knew the sun would rise in the East and find him all alone in his lonely berth.

Originally posted to tumblr in response to a post from @nicnacsnonsense:

"No wait, Stede, come back! Tell me more about how you have Ed’s gait memorized."

This is the story of how that happened. 1,052 words; Rated T

Like I Want to be Awake It would be weird to go talk to him now, right? It was the middle of the bloody night for fuck’s sake. He was probably sleeping soundly after all the paces Ed put him through today.

But then again - last night they had slept all scrunched up in the main-top, and even the thrill of a triumphant and wholly spontaneous fuckery didn’t stop Ed’s back and neck from letting him know exactly how little they appreciated that kind of abuse at his age. And Stede had just woken from his fever yesterday. His barely-mended guts probably didn’t appreciate it much either. Maybe Ed should go check? Just to see how his convalescence was going. Wouldn’t even have to wake the man. He’s be in and out before Stede even knew he was there.

Which was how he ended up trying to shush and settle a startled Stede before his panicked screams woke the whole bloody ship. Alternative Perspective Sequel (that's my brand, baby) to "Footsteps in the Dark"

Response to @nicnacsnonsense comment on that fic: "also tell me more about Ed’s horny fingertips 😏" 17,338 words; Rated E

When a Good Plan Comes Together “What about an escape?”

Ed shook his head again. “There is no escape.”

Stede frowned and tilted his chin up at a commanding angle. “The most brilliant man I ever met said there’s always an escape.”

For a long moment, Ed regarded him silently, his expression inscrutable. “Sounds like a lunatic,” he scoffed.

“He was,” Stede assented, “in the very best of ways. I hope he still is.”

based on this prompt: Can you imagine the first time ed and stede does a huge fuckery together? Them getting to sit together and plan it all out with there heads close together leaning over their plans. Them getting ready for it together all giggly and excited and then executing it together all in sync. And after they will be so proud of each other. So proud of them. Kissing all full of adrenaline and the rush of the action.

Originally posted here 1,077 words; Rated T

Spin Captain’s eyes threw daggers at Jack, but his face was otherwise impassive. “And how does one play?” he asked Blackbeard.

“Easy-peasy. Spin the bottle, give a kiss to whoever it lands on.”

Even in the moonlight, Lucius could tell Captain’s complexion went darker. “Wha… That’s a game?” he blithered.

“Bottle landed on you, Stede,” Blackbeard said, taking another half-step toward Captain.

Oh my God. Was this happening happening? Lucius slipped his hand into Pete’s and squeezed.

inspired by @wearfinethingsalltoowell's Spin the Bottle prompt.

Slight canon divergence where Jack busts out Spin the Bottle instead of Whippies part 2 at the end of "We Gull Way Back". 2,544 words; Rated T

The Stede That Stayed Ed was awake the instant the door clicked quietly closed; of course he was. You didn’t live this (fucking interminably) long if you could sleep through a nighttime ambush. He remained still and silent, wondering who it was sneaking across the floor of the cabin toward him, taking such exquisite care to muffle their footsteps. Maybe young Jim, finally worked up the nerve to come stab him for marooning their Olu?

Good for them.

A quick little thing I jotted out while waiting for the new eps to drop. Now in the post-drop haze, I am delighted to say it is not canon-compliant.

Inspired by this prompt from @wearsfinethingsalltoowell:

"My favorite fic trope is Stede comes back in the middle of the night and Ed thinks it’s a dream and so they have sex. Then Stede’s still there in the morning and he is confused" 2,234 words; Rated E

The Devil’s Panties The rigidity bled out of him immediately, his shoulders going slack under Ed’s touch. He half-turned, but his knees went out from under him so Ed had to catch him around the waist lest he collapse to the floor. Stede threw one arm around his shoulders, clinging for dear life, and panting as though doing so was some herculean effort.

And fuck. Ed would be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined many scenarios much like this one - Stede warm and pliant and panting in his arms. But he could also feel the heat rolling off him, as if he was working the bellows before an open forge. Something was definitely not right here. Ed unwrapped one arm from around Stede, tugged the half-glove of his hand off with his teeth, then pressed a hand against Stede’s forehead. Stede moaned restlessly and pressed his brow into the relative coolness of Ed’s palm and fingers. He was burning hot to the touch, a light sheen of perspiration slicking his skin, and his eyes glowed glassily as he looked at Ed from under hooded lids.

When Stede falls ill, Ed takes it upon himself to find out what he can about the strange, glowing flower that made his friend sick and to find a cure for his malady.

It sounds so innocent and wholesome, doesn’t it? j/k; It’s a sex-pollen story. 14,023 words; Rated E

I Keep My Head Above the Waves Sweat stung in Ed’s eye, and damp tendrils of his hair clung like tentacles around his face and neck. It rolled down his sides in tickling rivulets and seemed to pool in the small of his back until a particularly vigorous rock forward upset the delicate balance and sent it sliding down the cleft of his ass and along the insides of his thighs. His breath huffed out of him in hot, quick bursts - his mouth and throat feeling paradoxically dry when everywhere else he was sweat-slicked and dripping. God, he was so fucking hot - the kind of hot that made it feel as though his skin was burning from the inside, and his veins flowing with liquid fire. The kind of hot that made him a prisoner to the flesh, desperate for release. His vision blurred, as he hammered away, so close to finishing if he just… kept… going.

Stede and Ed have been working hard and making progress fixing up the old beach shack that they hope to turn into an inn. But one gruellingly hot summer day, Ed has a better idea of how to pass the time. 6,405 words; Rated E

Microfiction (tag novels and plot bunnies): 1985 (a dream I had that maybe will one day become an AU?) “In the Closet” a tag novel “Florida Man” a CJ tag-novel “Arm’s Length” a post-reunion, pre-reconciliation tag novel “Fine” an S2 wedding tag novel “Falling into Sunlight” a different S2 wedding tag novel “It’s Easy” a pr0ny tag novel “The Very Model” a Pirates of Penzance X-over tag novel “Can’t Hardly Weight” a gym-based AU tag novel “To the Mattresses” “Stacked” a cosplay-inspired library-centric tag novel “Let Me Check You Out” a sexy librarian AU tag novel “On the Edge of A Knife” a noir-style tag novel that I swear I’m actually going to write one day “At Least a Dozen Times” a tag novel “Whatever We Want it to Be” a tag novel that will almost certainly become a full fleshed-out thing

[zorilleerrant]

“I want to make out in the Batmobile,” Bernard says, giving Tim something that’s clearly supposed to be a lascivious grin, but it keeps dropping off his face as he tries not to laugh, which he knows Tim is a sucker for anyway, so how exactly is Tim supposed to say no?

“We’re not supposed to make out in the Batmobile,” Tim tells him, because it’s one thing to invite him down to see the cave, but he’s not supposed to be touching anything. Not until he gets the safety powerpoint and then close to forty-five minutes of hands-on testing, assuming he does it right the first time.

“Is that an official rule?” Bernard says. He says it like it’s an innuendo, and Tim is too busy trying to figure out where the double entendre is to actually pay attention to the question, and so, to his chagrin, he answers it truthfully in reflex.

“Technically, no,” Tim says, because Batman’s never put it quite exactly that way – except to Selena a few times, but it wasn’t like he stated it as a rule for everyone – but there is an official rule that the Batmobile is for Batwork. And one that people shouldn’t be inside it unless they strictly have to be, not even Tim, and Tim’s had a whole training simulation forced on him before he even took driver’s ed the first time. (Dick says he invented it, which would make him lucky, because that means he didn’t have to sit through it.)

“No rule, no problem,” Bernard says, as if he’s ever thought when there was a rule there was a problem, and pulls them inside without even checking if there’s anything in there, and for half a second Tim’s convinced they’re going to end up traveling back in time or astral projecting or split into evil clones, but the backseat is empty of everything but a few candy wrappers on the floor. (Someone’s going to be in trouble over that.)

“Right, we’re not breaking any rules,” Tim manages to say, mostly to reassure himself, which he’s not sure why he bothers doing, because he knows there are rules, if unspoken. But the thing is that Bernard is nibbling at his neck lying full on top of him, actually resting his weight on Tim the way he does when he’s getting into it enough not to be self-conscious anymore, and Tim has more important things to worry about, like where to put his hands and how tight his pants are. They should’ve done this while he was in the suit. No, scratch that, no. Bernard’s made enough comments that he knows how weird that would be.

Bernard sits up, resting his weight on Tim’s knees, now, which is a lot less pleasant, and says, “wait, should there be rules? Like, how often does this happen?” which is not something Tim wanted to think about, or any of them probably want to think about, and may very well be the reason there isn’t an explicit rule. Bernard starts laughing. “If I reach between the seats am I going to find a condom stashed in here or something?”

Tim shoves him back out the still open door and says, “okay, tour over,” trying to lead him upstairs, but Bernard is rooting around in the backseat, desperate to find something. Tim could tell him how thoroughly Alfred cleans the car, and how often, but he’s humming to himself, trying to find evidence of Tim doesn’t know what. All he’s found is a melted candy bar, and sunglasses that are so eye searing they must belong to Cass, which Bernard of course dons immediately, and probably doesn’t plan on taking off. Tim sighs. “I’m not making out with you while you wear those.”

“Ah, you’re not going to make out with me anyway now that I’ve put that thought in your head,” which shows what he knows, because Tim was definitely about to drag them somewhere a little more private than the Batmobile. Maybe run them a bubble bath. Maybe dig out the fuzzy handcuffs. Presumably not both. “How many times do you think Batman’s walked in on someone in the backseat here?"

"Oh my god, Bernard, no," Tim says, and then, in a flash of brilliance, adds, “actually, this one’s a new model, after the last one got blown up, so probably no one!” It’s actually rebuilt from an old frame – it’s expensive to just trash a frame like that – but none of the parts that would actually worry Tim are there anymore, so it probably doesn’t count, right? Not that, of course, Batman doesn’t regularly sanitize the whole thing. People bleed out in there often enough that it’s a regular occurrence. Unlike, presumably, sex.

“So,” Bernard says, tilting his head and pulling Tim close again, whispering against his lips in a way that’s really at odds with what he’s saying, given that he’s trying to get Tim back in the car even though that’s literally where Tim works, so he doesn’t know why he’s falling for it, “what you’re saying is we need to break it in?” And then Bernard is crashing backward, pulling Tim with him, and somehow the door ends up closed this time.

[celticcatgirl2]

What I wish I could tell her:

I know we only interacted for a short while in the grand scheme of things and there’s quite a bit about you I naturally have yet to learn. HOWEVER what I do know is enough for me to want to be by your side more than anything else in the entire world. What I do know is that you are a beautiful person on the inside and out, that you care so deeply about the world and people and even animals around you. I know that my soul feels drawn into your own like a moth towards flame. I know that every second I talk to you or interact with you my world lights up brighter a Dying sun going supernova, and that every second it appears I’m losing you my entire world feels like it loses colors and goes to black and white. I also know you are someone who has gone through and is going through incredible pain and hardship in your life. I know you’ve been hurt by so many in the past your ex from what I’ve gathered your father and I can only assume based on the way you speak other horrible horrible men in between as well. And I know those scars have left you with genuine flaws that have come from the way you’ve had to learn to cope with such pain form a young age. But the thing is we all have our demons to fight, even if yours may seem more powerful and overbearing than other people’s you are still worthy of true love. You still deserve to have people in your life who will stick by you through good times and bad times as well. And the truth is Every thing I’ve learned about you thus far only draws me in further. For these tragic elements not out of some fetishistic attraction to that but because when I love somebody I do not run away when they are hurting…because that’s not what love is. Love is running towards someone’s side ESPECIALLY when they’re suffering…when they need your support. I more than anything wish I could take away your pain baring that I want to be fighting by your side when you confront your demons and barring that I want to be there rooting for you from the side and giving you a comfortable place to rest in between. I want you all the good and all the bad. I want to know you….and I can say with great confidence that I don’t think anything new you can share about yourself can make me want to waver in this. This silence and distance you’ve created has caused me pain but throughout that pain I have not for a second stopped loving you and wanting to see you thrive. I have thought about you every day and no matter what I do I cannot imagine a happy future without you in it. I know it’s hard to trust when you’ve been lied to in the past and I wish I could give you something more convincing than someone’s word is when you’ve been through what you have. But I know I know that life without you is hell and every second I’ve spent with you is been among the best moments of my life. And even in the painful moments I would rather be there for you than know you are suffering while I’m off in my own little world. I’d choose you every single time in every single timeline. I would rather have you than anyone eleee in the entire history of the world. And the truth is you are not the only one who is broken. I have my own scars perhaps not as deep or as painful as your own but they’re there. But that’s what love is two fucked up broken people helping each other carry on in a world full of hurt and carving out a life of happiness and healing together. I know it’s hard to get back up when you’ve been but ed so many times in the past. But it just takes Practice…and you have to take that leap of faith one day. And I hope to have the honor to be that person for you and promise you on my very soul I will do everything in my power to be there for you always…..

God how I wish I could tell her….

[cryptid-currency]

*crawls out of my hole, foaming from the mouth*

Alright, new Watching and Dreaming promo just dropped

So i'm going to analyse it like I did with Warrior Cats.

I'm not sure whose hand this is. I was thinking Amity in her Hecate costume, but the gloves don’t match up. It has to be someone who has been puppet-ed(?) because of the joints. 

There are pipes and gears sticking out of the walls and floor and the room looks less kept. Interesting thing, the heart (bile sack?) is still pumping, so I’m wondering when this scene takes place and where. Is it the Collector's realm (?) or a dream or maybe a flashback? 

We see light orbs, probably from light glyphs. I feel like the light glyph is going to have some significance, I just can’t figure out how. We also see eyeballs and goop from Belos surrounding and consuming the plant life around them. 

LULU!!!

In a credits photo from FTF we see an image of puppet Lilith and owl beast Eda with King hugging her. In the background is the Collector, who looks worried/sad. I assume he turned Lilith back, knowing she was around. The Collector did not know about Eda though. This means two things. 

The Collector has the power to turn people back 

The Collector is going to find out about King hiding Eda and probably transform Lilith again

Luz is wearing Belos’s outfit. I assume that this episode is going to take place in a dream sequence/altered reality created by the Collector. During this, Luz will take the form of Belos. Belos had betrayed the Collector in the past, being the source of his suffering. Now Luz is the source and the Collector see’s the two in a similar light. 

Directly after this shot we see statues of characters including Principal Bump, Bosha and Mat Tholomule. I don’t know if this is real or if the two shots are connected, but they seem to be because of the lighting of the statues and the red light on the bridge. This bridge also looks like the one Lilith and Eda battled on in S1. 

I have this screenshot saved as GoopBastard.png

It looks like this takes place in the aforementioned throne room, with the decor being similar. We see Raine struggling with Belos goop (ew) while Belos himself escapes. This means that either Belos can control multiple forms or his curse (I assume it's a curse) is beginning to take a form of its own. I personally believe the latter.

I think Raine is going to fight back like we saw Hunter do (maybe they see Eda) and Belos is too weak to put up a real fight so he escapes. 

YOINK

The characters are in different outfits here. Gus is in his grom outfit, Hunter is in his GG uniform, Amity is in her S2 outfit and Willow is in her school uniform. Something to note is their eyes, they all have a dead eyed expression, except for Willow. She looks sad and nervous, like in S1. I assume she is unconscious/cannot move during this scene because this expression does not change. The dialogue before this scene sounds like Willow speaking, saying “you have to wake up!”. 

I think this shot happenes directly after the end of FTF. Everyone is in the same position and they are still in the skull. This is right before everything goes down. The ground is shaking and I assume the Collector is causing it. One small note is Ghost’s expression. 

The dialogue of Luz saying “you know this can’t last forever” caught my attention. I believe this is Luz talking to the Collector. She sounds very genuine and kind here, sympathetic even, and she is. Luz understands wanting to escape into your fantasy world, but also understands that you can’t do that, not forever. 

In this scene Hunter is injured with the others (Amity, Willow and Gus) protecting him from something. I’m not quite sure what to say here, but it feels important. 

This scene is terrifying. If you look you can see King crying or at least tears welling in his eyes. The owl beast also has multiple wings and there is a glow coming from both her and the king's mouths. Looking at the background you can see hand-like roots on the ground, probably Belos. 

I don’t have much to say here, but boy am I crying. This is the reunion we have all been waiting for. It looks like it's taking place in the Collector's realm/plane we saw earlier, judging by the checkered floor and space background. 

Overall, I am really excited for the new episode. As sad as I am to see The Owl House end, I know it's going to go out with a bang. Of course, I would have loved more episodes but the episodes we've gotten are so wonderful and I know Dana and the crew will make the finale something truly special. 

[myersmaniac]

I love my boyfriend

Pairings: Steve Harrington x reader, Billy Hargrove x reader, Eddie Munson x reader ( platonic!)

Tw:cheating

Based on the song: I love my boyfriend by princess Chelsea so you might wanna listen to that before reading!

Part 1

——

You’d been in corroded coffin since middle school, your best friend Eddie playing right by your side. Mostly you played drums but every once in a while you’d sing, you wrote a lot of the songs too.

You and Steve had been dating for about 8 months, you loved him of course and you cared for him at least you said but your actions tended to contradict your word’s because when Billy Hargrove walked in a room alone with you and those pretty blue eyes looked down at you your heart never failed to pound through your chest. You kept telling yourself that it was the last time but it had been the “last time “ five times now. Your lips somehow always found there way onto Billy’s. It was something that you just couldn’t seem to help. He was irresistible to you.

“ you excited about singing tonight babe?” Steve asked leaning against the bathroom door while watching you get ready in the mirror. “ a little nervous but of course I’m excited Stevie.” You replied while lining your eyes with black liner. “ I’ll be rooting you on in the crowd, you know I always do babe.” Steve told you, he completely adored you.

After primping and prodding you and Steve headed to your destination to meet Eddie and the rest of the band. “ I’ll see you on stage, good luck pretty girl” Steve told you then gave you a peck on the cheek, he headed out into the crowd and left you behind the curtain. “ you have to tell him.” Eddie said as soon as he left. You looked up, not wanting to admit you knew exactly what he was talking about. You were in denial yourself, you tried so hard to avoid all the guilt. “ tell him what Ed’s?” You replied. Eddie just looked at you with disappointment. You told Eddie absolutely everything, he’d been your very best friend for as long as you can remember. When you told him about Billy he couldn’t believe it, he told you it was wrong and you needed to stop but it wasn’t his place to get involved and he swore you to secrecy. “ look Eddie, I will it’s just easier said than done.” You finally responded to your best friend.

—-

“ let’s go over the set list one more time, what’s the opening song?” Eddie asked changing the subject. “ your going to kill me for this, it’s the song I wrote about loving Steve but sleeping with billy” you told him. “ I’m not mad, it’s a confession. I just hope Harrington catches on. I’m really disappointed in you.” Eddie responded sternly. “ I know Ed’s, I’m sorry.”

It was time to head onto the stage. When you went out there you saw someone that you definitely weren’t expecting to see, Billy Hargrove right there in the front to watch you. Billy would know the meaning of this song is all you could think but would Steve?

Billy gave you a smirk from the crowd, his arms were crossed against his chest. He looked so entertained already yet you hadn’t even started playing. You felt so torn between these boys. You gave him a nod as if to acknowledge his presence. Right after that Steve blew you a kiss from the crowd. Your stomach churned up, you felt dirty, disgusting and guilty but at the same time you felt adrenaline through your body knowing that both the boys were there to watch you. The show must go on though so you began.

“ wow there’s a lot more people than I expected, I want to thank each and every one of you for coming out to support us. This first song is an original written and sung by myself. It’s called I love my boyfriend so let’s get this show started!” You said as you looked out into the crowd, Steve’s face lit up as the music turned on.

————

When the song was over, you noticed Steve leave to the bathroom but Billy stood cheering loudest in the crowd. You felt like you were being taunted. Eddie looked over at you with no words but the feeling between you two said enough.

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

How are you doing? Idk if this is weird but I’ve followed you for years and I am always rooting for you :3

You are so sweet thank you so much. I’m rooting for you too!! ♥️♥️

I’m honestly a bit all over the place lately. Sometimes I think my brain will have calmed down a bit and then other times it feels like everything is flaring up all at once. My OCD has been horrendous lately. To the point inpatient is potentially being discussed but in all honesty I don’t know if I have the energy to do it aha, but if my suicidal ideation keeps getting bigger I might not have much of a choice My ED has been having a rough blow up recently too- which is never easy I find.

I feel very stuck in my head and trapped in my ability to feel comfortable with any choice or decision I could make. And it’s keeping me up most nights.

It’s exhausting feeling as though I can’t trust myself and my thoughts. Because it leaves me questioning everything and trying to micromanage my reactions and gut instincts.

And relationships, especially long distance ones, require a lot more energy then even I imagined. So trying to navigate that and be a good partner while also dealing with my own mental health issues and how they may impact her issues is a new adult life challenge that I’m trying to find the right rhythm to. And it’s one of those things that doesn’t really have a clear cut answer. Questioning what I want out of a relationship, what areas I can compromise on and what I need. What’s important to me and what’s important to her. All this very important adult stuff that I have absolutely no scaffold for especially since the unique ways of being a lesbian impact it so my psychologist doesn’t really get some of it.

But we are still doing lots of stuff together which I love 🫂♥️

Getting majorly stressed about money is a new thing for me at the moment too. I’m trying extra hard to not be impulsive with it and use it as a means to fill my internal hole or to self harm.

Trying really hard to read more though!! Sadly still stuck on Milk Fed but I’m going to try really hard to finish it this month.

And wanting really badly to get back into writing. But I always say that bad it never happens lololol

But thank you so much for popping in!! I hope you have a wonderful and beautiful day♥️♥️

[pacifymebby]

hi sorry to ask this but what are the warning signs for an ed and how do I stop myself? I feel like I’m becoming obsessed with calories and I’m genuinely scared

no pressure to answer though!!! I know it’s a difficult topic

Aw no this is okay to ask!!! I'm really more than happy to try and give people any advice I can or like support at all.

My first bit of advice is really that as soon as you start worrying that there could be a problem, reach out and talk to someone. Try to get help as fast as possible. Eating Disorders are quite complicated and addictive so it's best to nip them in the bud so they can't make their little roots and come back again if that makes sense. The stat for recovery within the first two years of diagnosis is so much better for the stat for recovery outwith that time frame.

Secondly, when I start noticing that I'm focussing on calories too much, when I catch myself worrying about the food i want to eat I kinda take a step back and ask myself "am I hungry, am I craving this food, is it going to make me happy/will eating it be a good experience" usually the answer to one of these questions is yes and if it is then you can be like, "well then I need the food calories don't matter"

Depending how far in you are that can be hard though. A lot of the time I have the argument outloud with B and he reasons with me.

I think like, trying not to check the calories helped me,but then other people I know have said checking the calories and then saying "but that's okay" helps them because by purposefully not checking calories you're letting yourself fear them still. It kinda depends what works best for you but try both ways until something works.

Also like, 9 times out of 10 and eating disorder isn't just about food and weight loss. Sounds stupid but write in your diary about everything that's worrying you and making you feel bad. Like my ed genuinely stems from wanting someone else to take care of me, like feeling like the only way I can be taken care of is if I'm really seriously ill. It's like a cry for help behaviour that stems from trauma and probably if we'd discovered this when I was first ill I could maybe have been assisted to recover quite nicely.

So like working out what's making you obsess over calories, like are you controlling that because there's something else in your life worrying you that you feel like you can't control. Things that have triggered my ed in the past have been things like GCSEs, starting a new college and being anxious about all the new stuff, applying to uni, trying to graduate, actually finishing uni and realising I don't know what to do with my life and having no set routine or goals so then the ed came back as something to focus on, living in a bad environment (mouldy cold house, being poor so couldn't change circumstances), traumatic life events like sexual assault etc...

Really small seemingly trivial things can trigger it and like once you realise that, like fixing the external problem can often help.

I think like initial warning signs are things like

Worrying about calories, counting them obsessively etc

Constantly checking how you look, worrying about it, worrying about how clothes fit and like feeling uncomfortable in clothes you used to love

If your minds constantly distracted and preoccupied with thoughts about appearance, weight, exercise, losing weight, cutting out foods etc...

Something else for me is that I always get quite into like other stuff too, I get an urge to buy skincare products and new health foods or like new exercise clothes.

Staying away from certain areas of Tumblr and other socials is like imperative btw.

But yeah my main thing is if you're worrying about maybe you're developing disordered behaviour then get help asap!!! It's not shameful to ask for help and eating disorders are so so miserable so like escaping them at the earliest possible stage is really important!!!

[bixbythemartian]

Hey! I hope it’s okay to ask you some questions about dentures? If not, feel free to ignore this

So, I have EDS, and my teeth are kinda shit. I brush regularly and all that but I still get new cavities all the time, and it’s expensive paying for them to be fixed. How did you decide that it was the right time for you to get dentures? I’m pretty sure I’m going to need them eventually, and I’m not sure if it’s the kind of thing I should put off as long as I can, or if I can go ahead and do it at a young age (23 rn) and get it over with.

What was the cost like for you?

You mentioned recovery being difficult—how long did it take?

Do you still have to worry about any dental health issues or is it pretty much fine to eat sugary foods and such now?

Unfortunately, my current dentist is committed to “saving” as many of my teeth as possible, so I haven’t been able to discuss this with her.

Thanks much <3

Hey this answer is long af. (Sorry it took me a few days it's been a very full week.)

The decision to get dentures, for me, was a matter of my ability to consume food. I had some medical neglect as a kid and a genetic predisposition towards bad teeth, and it fucking accordioned into a nightmare mouth situation. I spent years in pain from eating most things. Many of the roots in my mouth were exposed, I had constant infections and was sick all the time. I'm incredibly lucky that I didn't die, so many people die from untreated dental infections.

Ideally, it's better to wait as long as you can to get them, because pulling that many teeth does fuck up all the bone around it, and the jaw bone will compact down over time, impacting your mouth shape and bite strength, or something like that? It's better to wait, if possible. I was just about to turn 29, I think, when I got mine? I'm not sure- and that's young for full dentures, but it was (at that point) extremely necessary. If you can stay on top of filling cavities and such, it's really a lot better to hold onto your own teeth for as long as possible.

I'm really sorry, but I don't remember the cost- I know we had to get care credit and a loan from my (now former) in-laws, and I went to a dentist who specialized in low-income no-insurance situations and basically did the operation for me at cost, because they were worried if they didn't do it I was going to die, and I only went under local anesthetic instead of being knocked out. So it was relatively cheap? But this was around ten years ago and I honestly don't remember the numbers.

Full recovery took about six months, that's how long it takes your jaw to heal from being brutalized. I would say I could eat most things okay about 6 weeks in- you have to be careful and cut everything into little bites when your mouth is healing at first. And that means everything. Sandwiches, whatever. You're not supposed to bite into things until the incisions in your mouth heal. Stick to his as rigorously as you can. You also have to relearn how to bite into things. Also, you're going to bite your tongue a lot- your teeth have changed position and shape. It's kind of a lot, but in comparison to 'I can eat three soft things and my mouth hurts all the time forever', t'was a vast improvement.

I don't worry about my dental health issues, if any, because I don't have dental health insurance or teeth- I don't know if I need any per se, I just don't do it. The only stuff I can't eat because of my dentures is stuff that's real tacky- taffy, gum, chewy caramels. (I actually tend to suck on taffy or caramels rather than try to chew them.) I have not found a gum that works with dentures yet, even the ones that claim they will work. But they don't pull the dentures apart or anything, they're just a pain in the ass to chew and stick to the denture in difficult and awkward ways. (Also, I find puffy cheetohs obnoxious to eat with my dentures- they adhere in awkward ways.)

Hope these answers were helpful! Thank you for your patience in me getting back to you.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Here are a few more of the comedy shows I’ve seen on NextUp from the 2023 Edinburgh Fringe Festival:

Dan Tiernan – Going Under

This one felt up and down, I struggled for a while to get a handle on what he was doing, but I think that was sort of the point. Some of it was very funny. Some of it, I think I could see what he was trying to do, but I’m not sure he did it successfully. Some of it was just confusing. But most of it was funny. There were definitely a lot more good bits than bad bits, I think.

I liked his style. I don’t know how much of his tics are a performance choice and how much is just related to his condition (he’s got dyspraxia), and I think us not knowing that is also sort of part of the joke, but either way it fits very well with his material. And there’s some stuff about his style that’s definitely a joke, like the intensity and the sudden variations in volume. It definitely holds your attention.

There was some somewhat heavy emotional stuff in here, jammed in next to some incredibly crude stuff, and it’s an awkward mix but I kind of enjoyed it. Like… a more polished, experienced comedian would weave that stuff together smoothly, and that would make for an overall better show. But there is something at least interesting about the way he just threw everything on top of everything else and you never quite know where you are.

It made me laugh several times. It went in some unexpected directions. It was a lot of fun. I definitely see why he got nominated for awards and shit.

Paddy Young – Hungry, Horny, Scared

I watched this one because I sort of know who this guy is, though only sort of. Okay, so there’s this comedian named Ed Night, I really like him, even though I’ve barely seen anything he’s done. I saw him in one episode of one TV show once and found him absolutely hilarious, and I tried to look him up, and it turns out that basically, he’s not famous enough to have appeared in much else that’s online. He does stand-up, but he’s never released a special or anything. I found a couple of YouTube videos of short stand-up sets he’s done, and found them both very funny. I read some stuff about the kind of stand-up he does, and it sounds great. I think he’d be one of my favourite comedians if he’d just get a bit more famous and do something big enough so I could see it from Canada. So I’m sort of rooting for his career like it’s a sports team, wanting it to go well.

For Ed Night, I’ve even suspended my usual aversion to non-Tumblr social media, and I read his Twitter sometimes. Sometimes, on there, he posts videos with a comedian named Paddy Young. They do these short sketches together and then put them on Tik-Tok, and then on Twitter. But on Twitter they all get scattered across posts, while on Tik-Tok you can see them all at once. What I’m saying is, a while ago, I went on fucking Tik-Tok. I went to this fucking Tik-Tok page and watched all their videos. I hate Tik-Tok. I knew I hated it as a concept, but I now know that I also hate its interface and lack of easy functionality. But I did it anyway, because I am convinced that Ed Night is funny.

The sketches were funny. The weren’t… I mean, they weren’t incredible or anything. To be honest, it probably wasn’t worth braving the wilds of Tik-Tok for that. But they were amusing. A couple of them were very good, I thought. But anyway, that’s why I picked this guy, out of the many shows that NextUp was streaming, to add to my list of things to watch. I wanted to see the show of this guy that I watched on Tik-Tok once because he’s the friend of a guy who was funny on one episode of a TV show five years ago, and then never got on TV again (okay, okay, fine, you forced me to admit it, the show was Roast Battle, Ed Night did one with Huge Davies that I found very funny, it was by far the best thing that ever happened on that show, admittedly that it’s an extremely low bar since it’s at terrible show, but Ed Night and Huge Davies were funny on it).

Given how I came to this show, my expectations weren’t all that high, and I was pleasantly surprised. It was funny. It was straight stand-up, pretty conventional, jokes about flatshares and this generation never owning property and Northern vs. Southern England and shit like that. Nothing groundbreaking, nothing incredibly deep, but it made me laugh. He’s got a really engaging stage presence. I liked how easily he moved between his prepared material and talking to the crowd. I liked how easily he did transitions in general (sort of the opposite of Dan Tiernan that way, who intentionally made everything look really really hard). I’d definitely watch more of his stuff, especially if it’s not on fucking Tik-Tok.

Ian Smith – Crushing

I’m putting this one next because almost everything I said about Paddy Young could be said about Ian Smith, but multiplied. Ian Smith is also a Northern English millennial comedian who does straight conventional stand-up about his own life, without a huge amount of deeper meaning or message, but it’s fucking funny. And I say “multiplied” in this case, because Paddy Young was funny, Ian Smith was much funnier. Which is no slight on Paddy Young, because this Ian Smith show is much funnier than most things.

You can’t apply to Ian Smith the first few paragraphs I wrote about Paddy Young, because my reason for watching Ian Smith was much simpler than that. The straightforward route – he did some Bugle episodes, I found him funny on there, so I watched his old NextUp special from a few years ago, found that reasonably funny, so when I saw NextUp was streaming his 2023 show, I put it on my list. But even if I hadn’t heard of him before this month, I’d have ended up adding him to my list once the festival started and I started reading about it. His name came up constantly in the message boards I was reading, where people kept recommending his show to each other. And then his name started cropping up on lists of nominees for various Edinburgh awards. Which, to be honest, surprised me a bit. Because I liked his previous special, enough to have planned to watch this one, but it wasn’t that good. I didn’t think he was an award-level comedian.

Turns out he is, though. I’ve just watched his new special, Crushing, and… yep, everyone was right, the accolades were deserved, sorry for the pun but he fucking crushed it. No gimmicks, no complications, no bells or whistles, barely a structure, just really funny stand-up. There was a bit of structure to it, a running theme about anxiety and stress, but it was pretty loose. Mainly, he just told stories that were funny and some good jokes. He was excited and excitable and really engaging. He made some comments about the room he was in that had me laughing out loud – impressive for something he couldn’t have written before this month.

I laughed out loud repeatedly, and pretty consistently throughout the show. Some bits were stronger than others, obviously, which means some bits were weaker than others, but pretty much all of it was at the very least quite good. It makes me think of that story about Douglas Adams used to put all his ideas on Post-It notes and put them on the wall, on  higher or lower parts of the wall depending how good they were, and wouldn’t consider a book ready until they were all above a certain line. That’s what it feels like Ian Smith did here. Just meticulously made sure every single bit was up to a certain standard before he included it. The worst stuff was still funny. The best stuff made my chest hurt from laughing.

Milo Edwards – Sentimental

I’ve said a couple of times in the last few weeks that I really love a stand-up show that does good personal material, I love a stand-up show that does good political material, and the way to my heart is to do both in one show, do them both well, and tie them together. Milo Edwards did… almost all of that. Leave the last four words off the end of that sentence, and that’s exactly what Milo Edwards did.

Both sides of the coin were fucking sharp. His personal material was very memorable, as it was about how both his parents had recently died of cancer. Dark stuff, obviously, and sometimes felt a bit show off-y (a bit too: “look, my parents died and I’m making edgy jokes about it!”), but I thought most of the jokes were good. It certainly gets your attention, a guy making jokes like that.

He did acknowledge that it’s not the best topic for comedy – that’s where he got the show’s title, Sentimental. Talking about how he’d been accused of being insufficiently sentimental in his comedy about his parents’ deaths. And it isn’t particularly sentimental. It’s not one of the stereotypical Edinburgh hours that talks about serious shit and then gets really sad at the end. Ironically, those are often referred to by the term “dead dad show”, and this is a dead mom and dead dad show, but it still isn’t one of those. He adds a bit of emotional weight to it a few times, but only a little bit, and he always immediately undercuts the tension. When he says this is a bunch of jokes about his parents dying, he means it. It’s not an emotional show about grief and heartbreak with humour woven in. It’s jokes about his parents dying (since I’m stripping it of context here, I feel like it’s only fair to him if I clarify that at no point did he claim to not actually be sad about his parents’ deaths, he just didn’t choose to bring that sadness into the show).

Then, alongside that, he had a lot of political stuff. Good stuff, I thought. Deeper and more intelligent than your run-of-the-mill “fuck the Tories, Boris has stupid hair” jokes. Stuff about who owns the major resources in a country, and what we need to do about that. Some genuinely radically radical left-wing claims about structural inequality. I enjoyed it.

It was a really strong show overall. I think it could have been a bit better if he’d found a way to link those things, because it did feel a bit jarring, the way he kept going back and forth between parent material and politics material, when those things don’t have much to do with each other. Tying it together would have helped. Also, I see why he was intentionally staying away from any sappy stuff about his parents, but he could maybe have leaned into the emotion a bit more, even if he wanted to focus on the emotions like bitterness and anger about his deaths, rather than the sappier ones like sadness.

Those are things that I think might have helped a really strong show be even better. But I greatly enjoyed this one as it was anyway.

Andrew O’Neill – Geburah

I don’t think I’d ever seen Andrew O’Neill before, though I had heard of them, and wanted to give this a try based on having heard good things. I’m glad I did, I fucking loved this. High energy from start to finish, incredibly captivating, I couldn’t look away from them for the whole hour. Personal stuff, political stuff, and surreal stuff all spun together. Wild oscillations from one thing to the next, from a character piece to a manifesto, from a song to a story, from a surreal bit to observational. The only time I thought it started to drag at all was when they did an extended routine about the Is It Cake reality show, which was a bit obvious and boring. But that one paid off later in such an absolutely brilliant callback that it was worth every moment. 100% worth slowing down the show for a few minutes, in order to set up the reference later.

There were some references to magic in the show – the sort of thing where I think they were spelling it “magiks”, a big finale that involved performing ritual magicks with the audience. I enjoyed the finale, I thought it was big and dramatic and exciting. I couldn’t… to be honest, I couldn’t quite tell just how much they believed they were performing literal magic. It reminds me a bit of some of Simon Amstell’s stuff about magic mushrooms, when he’ll do a whole long routine about how he met God while high. And at some point, I can’t tell whether he understands that he’s making a joke about how it seems like this is happening when you’re on drugs, or whether he does literally believe that he actually met God. Similar situation here – when Andrew O’Neill talked about magic, throughout the show and in the ritual thing at the end, I couldn’t tell how literally they meant it. I sort of hope not all that literally, because I am more judgmental than I’d maybe like to be, and I like Andrew O’Neill, based on this one hour. But either way, it definitely fit well into the “vibe” of the show. It was good. It made for a very good vibe. Whether it made for actual magic… I guess everyone is entitled to their beliefs on that.

This was another one with some really sharp political stuff, well beyond “look at this politician’s hair” – some radical socialist claims about overthrowing landlords and shit. A bit of really sweet and life affirming stuff about gender and generational cooperation. Some really funny songs (not, like, actual comedy songs – just breaking into song at random moments, in a way that feels surprisingly Kitsonian for a person who has nothing else in common with Daniel Kitson, and it was fucking funny every time). They had a drum that they hit sometimes, that was good. Always good to have a drum on stage. I’m really glad I watched this one.

Lorna Rose Treen – Skin Pidgeon

I wasn’t really fair to this show. I went into it with way more baggage in the form of expectations than it could be expected to bear, and it never had much of a chance with me. I liked it, to be clear. I though it was good. I thought some of the characters were really funny. I liked the idea. I just didn’t see its brilliance shine through as much as I might have if I’d gone into it without any information on it. Also, it’s clearly the sort of show that’s better if you’re in the room with it, so it suffered from being filmed.

All month, I’ve been reading people who are in Edinburgh going on about how absolutely amazing the Lorna Rose Treen show is. That it’s shockingly great, that it has unforgettable moments, that it deserves to win all the awards. And then it didn’t get nominated for the Best Newcomer award, which seemed like a surprise, but it did get nominated for some other stuff, and it seems like she got plenty of good press attention and stuff like that. So I went in with all those expectations, and you never want to go into a comedy show with that may expectations. It’s not just that it’s hard for a show to live up to the expectations, it’s that it’s distracting. I spent so much of the show trying to get what I was supposed to out of it, trying to see all the things these other critics and fans have seen in it, thinking “Okay, I’m going to find out what all the fuss is about.” I spent so much energy on that that it took away from my ability to just sit back and enjoy the show.

The other reason why this show never had the chance it deserved with me is that it’s character/sketch comedy. And character and sketch comedy are things I don’t dislike, but I’ve been recently trying to get more into that sort of thing, because it’s not really my thing, but I want to be able to appreciate that. So I also went into this one thinking “Okay, I’m going to appreciate some character comedy now, going to go in with an open mind and broaden my horizons and see this thing that’s not just one person with a mic (I mean, it was one person with a mic, but it was also props and costumes and a set) but that’s okay and it’ll still be good”. And that’s not an attitude conducive to just relaxing and enjoying comedy.

So given all that, it’s impressive that I did like this. I thought the first character, of the unhinged Brownie, was fucking flawless. It made me laugh repeatedly, and it’s making me laugh now while I just remember it. Fucking hell, that was funny. A couple of the other characters were almost as funny as the Brownie. A couple were not so great. Most were strong. The show felt strong overall, not very uneven despite the fac that it became pretty much a different show every few minutes. But nothing was as good as that Brownie character.

I kept wanting the characters/stories to connect in some way, because I always want things in comedy to connect, I love a good throughline. It had me hoping that it was building to some big connection, like they were all going to end up in a post-apocalyptic world together or something. But (spoiler alert, I guess, spoiler alert for this whole post, maybe I should say that more often, but I figure it’s implied in the fact that I’m writing about these shows) that didn’t happen. The only connecting thread was that the Brownie came back a couple of times, and I liked that. That’s just me, though, that I’m always looking for stuff that builds into something else. I should be better at appreciating comedy that’s just really funny for a few minutes and then that goes away and it becomes something else and that’s fine.

The gym teacher was hilarious. The Brownie was even more hilarious. The performance was fucking impressive. The mechanics of it, the way she managed to become that many people in such a short time, the costume changes, the costumes themselves, how she could get in so many visual cues to show that she’d changed characters. I thought she was a great physical performer, changing her facial expression and demanour to show that she had become a never person every time. It was a lot of fun.

It was very good. It just left me saying “Okay, so that was what all the fuss was about – I mean, I liked it. I’m not sure I found it quite as mindblowing as some people did.” And that is not fair to Lorna Rose Treen, because that is a reaction based on the hype, and not the actual show’s quality. The actual show’s quality was strong.

Phill Ellis – Phill Ellis’s Excellent Comedy Show

…I don’t get it. I’m sorry, I am trying to appreciate different forms and styles of comedy and everything, but I just didn’t get it. I added this show to my list fairly late in the month, because it got nominated for some awards, and I wanted to see why. And when I Googled it, I saw it describe with words like "original" that made me think this may be a good chance to expand my comedy horizons and see some stuff outside my usual comfort zone. And well... it was definitely that. But most of it's runtime, I felt like Huge Davies’ dad in this song:

I actually got that song stuck in my head while I was watching Phill Ellis's show, because I kept thinking "I didn't really understand what the fucking fuck was going on," until I started hearing it in Huge Davies' voice. Why... why was he dressed as a cat? Why did he keep breaking into song? When does the comedy start?

I realize that this is another show where you maybe just have to be there. I guess this sort of comedy relies a lot on creating an atmosphere in the room, and doesn't translate to a screen all that well. Maybe it was a lot of fun to be in there. But I... it's not just that I didn't find it funny. I didn't understand what about it was supposed to be funny.

I liked the part where he talked shit about Tik-Tok, though. That was good. Fuck Tik-Tok.