#i know cill would understand what i am talking about

[remembering-angels]

How am I an introvert only am surrounded by the most annoying extroverts to ever walk the earth. What circle of hell is this

[missymurphy1985]

Friends with Added Benefits

Part one of ?

Warnings - smut / daddy kink / breeding kink

You and Cillian had been working together on Peaky Blinders since the beginning- it had become a FWB situation at the end of Series 4 after a drunken kiss at the wrap party. Both of you had kept it completely secret, hooking up solely while you were filming series 5 and living out your own lives the rest of the year, but what happens when things take an unexpected turn as series 6 begins filming?

A/N - Cillian is single, and has no children. Reader is in her early 30s, and plays Tommy Shelby's wife.

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby

You sat on the floor of the bathroom and took a deep breath. Now or never y/n... A sudden voice jolted you from your thoughts.

"Y/n, you in there?" What the fuck was he doing here? How did he get into your apartment?

"Sorry, yeah.. I'll be out in a minute..." You flushed the toilet and quickly hurried out of the bathroom.

Cillian greeted you with a warm smile, sat on your sofa with the TV remote in his hand already flicking through the channels.

"You left the door unlocked - came in to make sure you were okay, you seemed a bit off onset today?" He patted the sofa next to him for you to sit down.

"Sorry... Just a bit tired I guess, only been back a day and I'm done already!" He lifted an arm to pull you into and you happily accepted the invitation.

"So series 6 then.. the last one," you sighed, curling your legs over his.

"Yep. Only gotta put up with me for another 16 weeks and you're free to do as you please. Or who you please at least," he kissed the top of your head and chuckled, you feigned your own chuckle in response. You knew this was just a 'filming only hook up', but you couldn't help but feel a bit sad. You'd looked forward to Peaky restarting again the second each series had finished. You knew though, that there was no tying Cillian Murphy down - other women had tried, but he was a happy, carefree bachelor. You'll make the most of the next 16 weeks together and move on.

Before long his fingers made their way over your hips, circling slowly as they crawled over your stomach.

"Does our agreement still stand or do I need to stop?" He whispered, sending a shiver down your spine.. that fucking accent...

"I'm single again, if that's what you're asking me.."

"Again?"

"I was seeing someone.. I ended it a month ago." He pulled back slightly.

"Sorry y/n.. were you with him long?"

"Just a few months, nothing serious it was just a casual type thing. He decided he couldn't compete with Thomas Shelby."

"You told him about us?!"

"No, the rumours have been flying for YEARS Cillian! He wouldn't believe me when I told him it wasn't true.."

"That's because it is true, and you're a terrible liar!" He smirked, before pushing your body down on the sofa, covering it with his own.

"He'd certainly have his work cut out for him wouldn't he?" You smirked back. "You gonna show me what I've been missing Mr Murphy?"

"I absolutely am Miss y/l/n... But let me shower first? I'm still wearing the makeup from earlier and it's pissing me off!" He kissed you lightly on the nose before grabbing one of your towels out the cupboard and heading into the bathroom.

He came out 10 minutes later, towel wrapped round his waist and stood next to the sofa, brow furrowed.

"What's this for y/n?" You looked up and your heart sank. In his hand was the pregnancy test box you'd hidden in your cabinet - clearly not hidden too well.

"Well it isn't for baking cakes Cill..."

"Are you pregnant?"

"I don't know yet, I haven't taken one.."

"Well what are you waiting for? Come on." He took your hand and handed you one of the tests. "Go do it. Now." You couldn't help but laugh at his insistence and went to pee on the stick.

Coming back out with the test in your hand two minutes later, you held it up to show him, tears in your eyes as your chin wobbled. He was pulling his jeans back on as he took the test from you.

"Okay well now I'm confused? It's negative - why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying, I'm fine.." you choked, wiping your eyes on your sleeve.

"Come on, y/n... What's wrong?" He pulled you over to the sofa and sat you down, squeezing your hands, worry written all over his face.

"You wouldn't understand Cillian, just leave it okay?"

"Did you want it to be positive?" You looked into his eyes and burst into tears, nodding. "You wanted his baby?"

"It wasn't that.. Cillian I'm 32 years old. Kinda thought I'd be married with a kid or two by now you know? I'm sorry okay, I'm just being stupid..."

"What's stupid about wanting children of your own?"

"Because I'm never going to have it am I?"

"Says who?" You took a deep breath.

"Look it's crazy okay, I'm just hormonal and crazy..."

"Okay you're not crazy y/n. Pretty sure it's normal to want children and marriage, I'm just an oddball!" He laughed. He'd made no secret of the fact he had no paternal instincts at all.

"Thing is... I don't want marriage. Not even a relationship.. just a baby. Still think I'm normal?"

"You might struggle there y/n.. I don't need to have 'the talk' with you, do I?" He smirked.

"No Cillian I'm well aware.. I was thinking of adoption maybe, or a sperm donor?"

"Admirable for the adoption route. Terrifying for the other one, you could end up with anything..."

"True. Kinda leaning more towards all of that though.. the feeling of carrying my own baby is just.. it's exciting I guess. I'm freaking you out, aren't I?"

"Strangely.. no. In fact, I have an idea."

"What?"

"You want a baby, but not a father, right?"

"Right."

"The dad doesn't need to be involved at all, ever, yeah?"

"Nope, never. I don't need help emotionally, financially, nothing."

"Well let's make a baby then." Your neck nearly snapped with the force you looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?!"

"I have exactly what you're looking for, right? I have decent genes, copious amounts of sperm as you know very well," he smirked. You weren't laughing though.

"You're insane, you can't possibly think this is a good idea?"

"Why not? You've made it clear that you're not interested in a relationship - that's one of my boxes ticked. I get to have sex with you without a condom - second box ticked. I get to fuck a pregnant woman - third box ticked. Kinda been a fantasy for a while..." You raised an eyebrow at his last admission.

"Do we have a daddy kink, Cillian?"

"Yeah, without the desire to actually be a Daddy. Just the thought of you.. swollen belly.. breasts overflowing... Fuck y/n you'd look sexy as hell..." He made his way over to you, the bulge in his jeans evidence of his arousal at the thought of you being pregnant.

"And you'd sign over all parental rights to me?"

"Just tell me where to sign..." His hands cupped your face gently as he pushed his body against yours, backing you up towards your bedroom.

"No weirdness... No one would know the baby was yours?"

"No one..." He pulled at your t shirt, lifting it over your head before crashing his lips against yours, both of you falling onto the bed together as he pushed his erection against your core hard. Unhooking your bra and throwing it across the room, his lips found your nipple, sucking and nibbling on it as he pulled your jeans and underwear down your legs.

"Fuck.. Cillian.. you need to be sure about this..."

"Never been more sure of anything y/n.. I'm gonna put a baby in you... Let me put a baby in you..."

You gave in when his fingers entered you, pulling forward finding that one spot inside that only he could find. Your hips bucked against his hand as your eyes closed, mouth open gasping his name.

"Fuck I've missed this... Don't stop..." His lips were on your neck, leaving marks that your makeup artist wouldn't thank you for tomorrow but you didn't care in the slightest, the need in you too much.

"I need to feel you on me y/n... Come for me girl..." his fingers pulled harder and faster, sending you over the edge while his voice whispered in your ear. Within seconds of your orgasm he pushed his length inside you with a hard groan, lifting your leg over his elbow. Your nails digging into his shoulders as he thrust his hips, hitting that sensitive spot over and over again.

"Yes... Fuck yes baby fill me up..."

"You want this huh? Fuck you feel good bareback... I can feel all of you..."

"You feel so good Cillian... Filling me up... So fucking deep..."

"Fuck.. I'm gonna come... Jesus y/n..." The sensations too much, he spilled into you, you could feel ropes of his cum deep inside as your walls milked him for all he had. He fell onto your chest, pushing himself as deep inside as he could.

"I'm not letting any of this fall out... Need it to take... Stay on your back." You wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling him softening inside you.

"You really want to do this, don't you?"

"If it makes you happy, yes. You want a baby, I want to give you a baby. You don't want a father, I don't want to be one. I see no problem with any of this."

"And if the baby looks like you?"

"Crazy coincidence."

"If you change your mind?"

"About what? Being involved? I won't, trust me."

"Reckon we've made a baby tonight?"

"We may well have done. I still get to fuck you if we have, though, right?"

"Damn right you do - you're giving me a baby, least I can do is give you a pregnancy fuck to say thank you," you laughed as he pulled out slowly, kissing your lips then down to your belly.

"You better hurry up in there, I've got a fantasy to cash in on..." You batted him away laughing as he moved over to collect his clothes. He never stayed overnight, it would raise too much suspicion. He winked at you as you lay on the bed, and headed out the door smiling.

This might just work out, you smiled, curling under the sheets and drifting off, dreaming of your blue eyed baby.

[birthdaysentiment]

Wait... do I follow you?? This must have been a misunderstanding. ahh this is awkward, I’m on the wrong blog sorry for this, goodbye

...

Who am I even kidding lol, like where do I even start explaining why I follow you?! Cille, you’re by far one of the best things that has ever happened to me since joining this crackheads filled fam that we are. From adoring your music analysis to picture sets to starting to talk to you and getting to know you better and noticing the amount of clownery you own and how recognizable that was for me hahaha. And now, still crying and screaming together about your random thoughts and attacks and spams and I can keep on going. You’re just amazing like it’s just a fact and I’m so freaking grateful to be having such an amazing friend in my life. Okay I’m starting to get emo now and I don’t want this to be another essay (probably too late already but oh well) but just know that I love you very much and I love everything you do. Also following your journey through giffing, a true blessing! You’re so amazing in every single thing you do and just thank you for your daily attacks, you know they’re keeping me alive hehehe. Ily very much my clowning partner in crime <333

laurien? wait... who are you again? sorry it really seems like you have the wrong blog here. i don’t know this clown, so well this is awkward...

... but like laurien, what the fock. like who gave you the right to attack me like this? you really had the audacity to come into my inbox and leaves this for me. like did you not know that i would fall to the floor, crying (sobbing too after this day), and just burry myself afterwards. like what did i do to deserve this, i have no idea but like... oml laurien! i don’t even know where to start! you’re the most amazing person on this human being and one of the best things that’s ever happened to me too since i joined this fandom and hellsite (lol). i’ll forever be grateful for it, and i honestly don’t know what i would do without you and our friendship that i would trade for anything!

getting to know you, clowning with you everyday, screaming every minute, you being my personal translator and parallel helper is the most amazing thing ever! you’re the sweetest person on this planet, so amazing and wonder, so funny and helpful and understanding, the most supportive person i’ve ever meet and i’ll never ever be able to thank you for all the tags you always leave on my things and for showing me support since the start of everything! and look what you did to me! i’m so emo right now and crying while writing and essay to you because that’s what we do! and about my gifs, thank you! honestly, without you i probably wouldn’t have continued making them, but you’re always so encouraging and you just keep me motivated and proud of the things i do, and i’ll never be able to thank you enough for that! thank you for being one of my best friends and for just being you! i love you so very much! thank you for being my clowning partner in crime! sending you lots of hugs and kusjes! ily! ✨

[krismusings]

discord text thread featuring : Roman and @wtfraelynn

when : 02/09/21

mentions : @cilliankelly, @judetaylorhq, @vivibeckett

description : Rae confronts Roman about his confrontation with Cillian

TWs: i don’t think so dewhfiwefhewu

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

hey honey.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hey beautiful

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

listen...i heard about last night.

my brother says you accosted cil?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I confronted him yes

he hurt my sister.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

okay...but did you respond in a violent way.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I didn’t hurt him or anything

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thankfully it didn't come to that.

but did you touch him

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Rae I really don’t want to talk about it

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I mean. This involves my family, Ro.

I love you no matter what, but like, I'm going to let you know if I think you're wrong.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

cillian is not your family

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

He is. We grew up together.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

and he wronged my family.

yeah and what about your friendship with me? Is that shit or?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i just said that i love you

you are just as important, and that's why i just want to understand what happened.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m not sorry for what I did. He broke my sister’s heart and used her, so I confronted him. I didn’t hit him like I wanted to so I count that as a win.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

But you touched him, it wasn't just a confrontation.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt. It’s not the end of the world.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

so you don't care that the fact that you scared him breaks my heart?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

it breaks my heart that just because he’s your brother’s boyfriend, it doesn’t matter what he does to hurt other people.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

did i say that?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you know it takes a lot to upset me. I put up with a lot of shit to avoid confrontation.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

he's more than just jude's boyfriend, i told you he's my family. you don't know what it was like to grow up the way that we did. all we had was each other.

i know that you do. but you didn't have to do it the way that you did.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

and he’s not perfect.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

and i would never say that he is.

i mean can you imagine me calling someone perfect when i'm...literally this

the bar would have to be on the ground

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

there’s nothing wrong with you.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

there's a lot. but that doesn't matter.

look i just love you and i want this to be right.

and i love him and i need that to be okay.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you too and maybe eventually I’ll be sorry for scaring cillian but right now I’m not. I need him to make shit right with my sister.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i love vivi, and i'm sorry that he hurt her feelings.

you don't know the fear that went through me when jude just told me all that.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

she left the country because of him

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i had no idea that was him until literally today

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I didn’t know until last night because my sister is a good person and didn’t want anyone upset

but it is what it is

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i mean i can't relate to feeling that strongly about something but i'm sure if i could, i'd understand.

i wouldn't even leave the state over someone, so that's the point of view i have to work with

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

listen, I get it. You’re picking sides and your side is with Cillian.

just give me time

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

ro i love you.

i'm not trying to lose this

actually i think if i did i might die

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m not going anywhere but I feel how I feel and I can’t help that right now

I’m not saying I won’t apologize to cillian

but right now I don’t feel sorry

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i can understand that.

you didn't say it back.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you Rae. Nothing is ever going to change that.

what I AM sorry for, is that anything I’ve done has upset you.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thank you, i do appreciate that.

I hope that when things look clearer in the rearview, we can talk about it in a more...productive way.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I know you have a history with Cill. I have a history with my sister. We were abused growing up and I was the only one there to protect her. I’ll always protect her.

and I hate that it was cillian. I do.

i care about him too. But it’s my sister.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I mean. I called Claud a liar in the middle of a coffee shop just weeks ago. So I can't say I don't understand the impulse.

Just know that I understand. I don't like it, but I understand.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m sorry I did anything to upset you.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I love you and you love me and we'll get through this.

It wasn't a fight. We didn't ruin our streak.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

let me take you to lunch or something please. We’ll talk about it in person.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Maybe tomorrow? I just ate a giant breakfast. Guy I went home with cooked for me.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

oooo fancy lol

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

raelynn. I'm gonna be bloated at work tonight but it's worth it bc dude makes the best fucking coffee.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I'm gonna be bloated at work tonight but it's worth it bc dude makes the best fucking coffee.

literally my belly is sticking out

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

that’s adorable

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i hope nobody asks aaron if one of his cage dancer's is pregnant

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

oh stop lol

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

smooches u. i'm glad we're not fighting.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

me too I was about to panic

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i was already crying lmao

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you. I’m so sorry this has upset you.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i don't like what you did but i still love you, doofus.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

it was hot though at least right? Tell me my aggression is hot

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

are we talking about a scenario where it's not someone i'm ride or die for?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yes

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

bc in that situation, if i saw it, i'd be on my knees for you in less than a second.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

ok good that makes me feel better

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i've never ever seen you like that.

the idea of it in this context makes me ill. but in another context, idk, i'd maybe need to act up

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yeah it takes a lot to push me lol

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i guess i'm just happy no one was seriously hurt.

but i still want you to make this right. when you're ready.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I definitely wouldn’t hurt him. That’s not what I wanted.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I can't see that ever being something you want.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m just tired of Vivi getting shit on when she’s such a good person and has been through so much.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

she's gonna find someone who's emotionally ready for her at some point. it just really wasn't cil, you know?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I know but it could’ve been handled better.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i think so too. but what's done is done.

[truly-morgan]

February 20th: Questioning - What are some experiences you had when discovering your arospec identity?

I never really asked myself if I was aro-spec before a certain event, as I had believed (up to 17) that I was Bisexual, you could see a little more of my path on learning about myself on this little comic.

Maybe if I had learned what aromantic was before that specific event, I would have figured out earlier, as I can totally see all the hint to it from how I was acting and saying in the past about not wishing to find a partner (I mean, it was from 13 to 17, what the point of rushing to find someone anyway?).

Like I mentioned in my post for the 19th prompt, I realised I can't really keep up with people being in love with me (and me knowing), and this is pretty much what happened:

Let set the people who were involved. Two guys, one who was a friend of mine (FM) and the other one was just a classmate of mine (CM). The last person is a good friend of mine (GOF). I was pretty close with FM as I had become friends with him around the start of the school years, as for CM he approached me out of nowhere in our English class.

CM was messaging me on discord, yet again trying to convince me to go to his house and cill with him, even tho it always had refused before and had at least try to make him understand I didn't want to. You need to understand I'm bad at getting used to people, even more when going at their home, I just feel awkward and it would have been even worse as I didn't know him well and we weren't even friend.

So I go to FM, asking him tips on how to get him to stop asking, as I was getting tired of all this and didn't knew how to tell him without sounding rude and aggressive. A fun thing I didn't know: he had just calmed down from being angry at CM for some reasons I can't remember, tho I learned about it later since I didn't know at the moment.

Then it turns for GOF to get in this, telling me something along the line of not talking about a dude who loves me to another dude who loves me. This was a bombed dropped on me and started my descent into nearly having a panic attack (or maybe I did, I never had one before so I can't tell). Apparently, FM had come to complain/rant to her about it and for obvious reasons it must not have been a good time for GOF either.

So I'm stuck between three people messaging me all at the same time, making me feel just worse as I wasn't able to correctly process that information. At some point, I explain to GOF how I never had a real crush on anyone (thinking more about it now, it was most likely squish I had towards friends) and stuff like this. At some point, she did ask me if I was aro.

At first, I was confused as to what it was, tho I felt like I did hear that before. So I googled it, read a little about it before everything clicked in place. Yes. That was it, that what I was.

End of the story is the next day I was feeling like shit, FM seeing it right away and leaving me some space, has CM was oblivious to it even if he did get the hint when I went for my math class 10 minutes in advance, leaving me alone for the day. FM did help me get better at lunchtime.

FM did confess to me a couple weeks later, as for CM I never had a concrete confession, but from how he was acting with me and around me, it was most likely that.

I cut all contact with CM probably a couple month after graduation as he was really annoying and had been a total dick to GOF (don’t ask what he did, this is my friend story and therefore not mine to share). Also, I believe he was a Nice Guy, so it might be better that I cut contact with him. I slowly lost contact with FM as I suck at keeping friendship I guess and maybe unconsciously I was still unsure about all the love thing, last time I saw him was at a convention.

Tl;dr – Two guys had a crush on me at the same time,  I get stuck between three people messaging me, nearly having a panic attack as I learn they both love me. I tell my friend about how I never had a crush before and she asks if I might be aro. Do some research and learn that I am.

As much as it wasn't a pleasant event (nearly having a panic attack isn't fun) I think I'm still somehow thankful? Because I doubt I would have figured myself out otherwise (and would never have got I'm also ace), or then very much later in life.

[willandandy]

Protomartyr - Relatives in Descent by Will

Hello my name is Will Stubbs and I love music. I feel that music is the best medium for creativity. People can explore new ideas and emotions with the help of music. I am here to talk about music that interests me and maybe start a great conversation. Thanks for reading and remember to love music forever.

 “Music is probably the only real magic I have encountered in my life. There's not some trick involved with it. It's pure and it's real. It moves, it heals, it communicates and does all these incredible things” - Tom Petty

Protomartyr are a post punk/art rock band from Detroit Michigan. I haven’t been a fan of this band for very long but thoroughly enjoyed their records Under Color of Official Right and The Agent Intellect. Both projects were enjoyable and unique. Now as far as post punk goes I haven’t always been the biggest fan. The genre has certainly grown on me, especially since I have grown older. Now with my new found admiration I am listening to more prominent and critically praised artists. I thought I would review this as an experiment for myself.  It’s funny that I say I didn’t like post punk because now a post punk record is my favorite of the year. This record is simply fantastic.

           Now this review may be fairly lengthy but I think this record deserves it. The first track “A Private Understanding” I will concede is not my favorite track but it has grown on me. While musically not my favorite, the story behind it is superb. In an article on NPR, the singer and lyricist of the band Joe Casey really encapsulates what existentialism and callousness is in this album. I want to take a snippet of this article because I think that the context is important.

"Reading The Anatomy of Melancholy by Robert Burton was a big inspiration. It was heartening to read that a guy in the 1700s was wrestling with the sadness of living and the inequities of the world. 'The more things change,' and all that. It's where I found out about Heraclitus, which gave me a roundabout way of singing about the Flint water crisis.”

I love political tracks when they are done well. This song is a great example of doing that through imagery and metaphors as opposed to just saying things outright. I think when he mentions vile trumpets in the song, he is covertly mentioning trump. It seems to be what he think is an apocalyptic time within 2017 America, and the point of no return that seems so apparent in our political discourse. I also think that Joe is saying how unbelievable it is that we still don’t have a solution to the flint Michigan water crisis yet. It’s not being talked about so thoroughly any more. We just sweep it under the rug. This track is very grim and emotional. I think that’s why I initially didn’t like it. The tone changes make my emotions fluctuate and is confusing but I think that is the intent. At first I thought that was the track being inconsistent, and it might be that, but now I think there is an intention.

I adore the next track “Here is the thing”. It’s very reminiscent of Nick cave in that Joe is doing spoken word poetry over music. The lackadaisical and awkward way that he is speaking is intense and almost makes me feel uncomfortable. The bass line is very catchy and sets up the mood nicely. The guitar is catchy, especially when they do the slow melodic riff during the outro. The lyrics are also consistently good.  Look at the lines in the song to start of the track

” Dread 2017 18

Air horn age

Age of horn blowing

Mental corkscrew”

This song is a criticism about modern day politics, and especially a critique on capitalism. In the same NPR article, Joe says that the song is about how in his hometown of Detroit, the city is essentially run by three billionaires yet the citizens are relatively poor. I could conclude that he thinks of his city as an Orwellian nightmare. Joe says that “the thing” within the track is the effect of capitalism on humanity. What a great, catchy, and meaningful track.

The next track “My Children” comes in really heavy and rich but luscious. Its savory guitar chords and chugging bass progression make it hard for me to not tap my feet. The lyrics mention what we pass on to our children. It seems to be a metaphor for his legacy and what he is going to leave behind as opposed to literally his children. I love the particular lines

“My children

They never listen

Vaped in the brain, feral vessels of my self-interest”

Although this seems to contradict my previous statement. Joe mentions in the same NPR article that this song is sort of a mix of literal and figurative regarding the children metaphor so I am not completely off base.  This is by far one of my favorite tracks as well. I worry that growing older I will not leave anything behind. Many people seem to use children as the “accomplishment” of their existence but what of us who don’t plan to have children. What a creative and catchy track about familial displacement.

The following track “Caitriona” has an amazing backstory. I will use another long snippet of the article because I think that this track deserves it.

"She's the main character in a 1949 book, Cré na Cille by Máirtín Ó Cadhain. It has only recently been translated from Irish. There's two translations and they are so vastly different, I don't think I can safely say I've read Cré na Cille. That got me thinking about whether somebody can really know Truth.” The way that Joe thinks and breaks down those thoughts into lyrics are so beyond my scope of creativity. I love when the track changes key towards the end with the twangy guitar riff. The only complaint is that this song is too short.

The next song “The Chuckler” has a really nice repeating guitar chorus. I feel this band does what the national tried to do with their last record, but are far better at doing it. I love that the story of this tracks vocal style is basically an imitation or homage to Morrissey. The lyrics are about loneliness and feeling hollow. I particularly like the lyrics “He tried to sell me on a credit card

I asked about the weather and whether his life was hard”

The following song “Windsor hum” is very literal in regards to the title. According to an article from The Guardian, the Windsor hum is a phenomena where many Canadian residents compare the noise to a subwoofer playing a gentle song. Joe makes many references to this hum throughout the song, but the metaphor is much deeper than I initially though.  Joe compares the hum to a lie that we all tell ourselves every day that we are ok so we are able to get through another day. This song is very dense and luscious as well. This song seems to be more traditional that some of the others but is still catchy and clever none the less.

I am confused by the next track ”Anacita”. Anacita is a fictional city that Joe came up with in which he set up in a previous song. I’m not sure how I feel about the song. I like the audible bass riff. Sometimes bands are too afraid to use the bass to its full potential. Other than that I don’t know how I feel. I have listened to this song several times and it has not become clearer. In a way I find that to be a good thing, because it still leaves some mystery to this dissection of an album review.

The next track “Up the tower“ is much more digestible. The drums seem to be the focus of this track. The kick drum is very intense and the rest of the song follows suit. I love how abrasive this song is and the drastic changes within the song. The long Throw him out diatribe that slowly builds into this chaotic burst then followed by the lines “What a lovely view

From the window

What a lovely dream”. The song is very theatrical, which opposes the rest of this record. I love it.

The song “Night-Blooming Cereus” is awkward and serious, but thoroughly enjoyable. The origin is depressing as the title is about 2016 Oakland warehouse fire. According to the Wikipedia page, the fire was a warehouse that was a famous artist collective which was often used as a concert venue. There were 36 people killed in said fire. Joe talks about how when the band was first coming up, warehouses like these were often the only places that they could get gigs. He uses this metaphor to show that thing existing on poverty and social necessity are the only outlets used for true expression. He then makes the connection that our government is deluding us into being controlled out of fear and necessity. The drums take half the song to appear. The song therefore feels more ethereal and empty until then. I love whenever he sings the words it blooms at night. It gives this song so much more melody even with it being so empty and raw. I am particularly fond of the lyrics “In my own head

Near the hole where hope drains out

And fear is branded deep

Amid the death of all things”

This song to me seems to be the most existential one so far. How our thoughts (Flower) only bloom at night in abandoned warehouses and such. The imagery that he is able to come up with is astounding.

The next song “Male Plagues” is by far my least favorite. The lyrics are lazy and uncreative. The song isn’t catchy or interesting in any way. The explanation of the lyrics are half assed and silly. It detracts from this great album and doesn’t fit at all. I would be inclined to give this album a perfect score if it wasn’t for this song. I wish I knew the context of this song a little better. If they were going to do an admitted silly song like this, why didn’t they do it first to get it out of the way before they were much more serious? This song is frustrating to say the least.

The next song “Corpses in Regalia” is another confusing track. The lyrics are abstract and don’t seem to follow any narrative. I would like to talk more about the instruments behind it. I love how the bass is much more prominent and impressive in this track. The choral chanting is haunting and intimidating. The choppy guitar riffs and quiet guitar make only add to this. This song is very dramatic with the tone and key shifts. When Joe screams decent people don’t live that good gets me every time.

Now I half to talk about the last track “Half Sister”. What a great track to say the least. A fantastic closer track is one thing I really appreciate in an album. The lyrics tie all the subplots and themes together. The song is one of the longer track and it feels that way, but not in a bad way. It has to wrap up this narrative. The half-sister title is an homage to a bus driver they had on their European tour and his family. It also references the said familial ties within the song My Children. Joe mentions a horse struck by lightning to mean that his private understanding was finally understood. He even in the same lines mentions in the same stanza that the horse repeats humans are no good. Either his understanding in incorrect or maybe he understood it privately for a malicious reason. The horse is killed for seemingly no reason and is put on display to teach kids to possibly be obedient and afraid. I know this is my interpretation of this song and is not set in stone, but that’s sort of the beauty of these kinds of songs

This song is undoubtedly a post punk song with the slow metal chords the heavy bass. While slow I can’t help but nod my bead to the beat. At first the song is very dark heavy and brooding but then dissipates. When I hear this song it reminds me of a movie scene of a burning church or something similar, but then the lines she’s just trying to reach you come back from earlier to remind you that you will be ok. What a fantastic track let alone album

I was very eager to give this album a perfect score on first listen but then male plagues just wouldn’t let me do that but I think the score I give is warranted. I love this record. I listen to it all the time and don’t feel that I need to do so.

Top Tracks:

Here is the thing

My Children

Up the Tower

Half Sister

Rating:

9-9.5/10

 Citations:

Hilton, Robin. “What's The Meaning Of Life? Ask Protomartyr.” NPR, NPR, 29 Sept. 2017, www.npr.org/sections/allsongs/2017/09/29/553963443/what-s-the-meaning-of-life-ask-protomartyr.

 Kassam, Ashifa. “The 'Windsor Hum': Where Is the Noise Plaguing a City of 210,000 Coming from?” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 7 June 2016, www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jun/07/windsor-hum-canada-zug-island-united-states.

[missymurphy1985]

The Extra (Part Seven)

Warning - Smut. Angst

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton

"That's fucking perfect... Holy shit y/n..." You loved watching his eyes roll back into his head, the breathy little moans as you rocked against him. The feel of his cock inside you pulsing and swelling against that special spot only he knew - you'd even tried finding it yourself without success and he refused to tell you where it was.

Saturday had been spent lazing around the hotel room, ordering room service, sex in positions you'd never heard of, christening every surface available to you. He'd allowed you a brief respite Saturday night, curled up together in exhausted bliss before falling asleep wrapped up in each others arms.

Sunday morning had come round far too quickly, and here you were, your legs either side of his thighs, he'd got his hands behind his head allowing you to take control. You'd found your rhythm and there was absolutely no stopping you, rocking your hips forwards and backwards at incredible speed.

"I'm gonna cum, Cillian... Cum with me, please cum with me.." you gasped, feeling that coil in your abdomen unravelling, your juices starting to flow like a river over his cock, leaking onto his thighs. His hands flew to your backside, lifting you up and pounding into you from underneath sending you into a frenzy. Your head flew back, your core clamped him as you came hard. His eyes scrunched up, mouth hung open, crying your name over and over as a powerful orgasm flew through him and into the latex barrier. Coming back down to earth, resting your head against his, breathing heavily, when he said it.

"I fucking love you y/n..." You pulled back in shock.

"Can I visit you?" He asked as he was packing his toiletries in his suitcase.

"What?" His eyes bore into yours, you thought maybe it was the sex talking...

"I know it's early days, but I'm feeling things for you I can't deny."

"Cillian... I... it's been a week? You don't know anything about me, certainly not enough to say the L word..."

"I love what I know? Is that not good enough?"

"No! You can't love someone you've only known a week, are you insane?"

The look of disappointment on his face was heartbreaking as he lifted you off him and climbed out of bed checking the time on his phone. He silently left the room, heading into the bathroom. You heard the shower turn on.

You jumped in after him, there was 20minutes spare before checking out. Liane would be picking you up to take you back to Birmingham. Barely a word had been spoken since his bombshell.

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Wasn't this just a one-weekend kinda deal for you?" He looked at you confused.

"What makes you think that?"

"Come on Cill, you're a big Hollywood star, you have your pick of women out there falling at your feet." He stopped packing and looked to the floor, taking a deep breath.

"I thought we'd talked about this? I want to be with you? I thought you wanted that too? I just told you I loved you for fucks sake?"

"Just be realistic for a minute yeah? You live in Ireland, I'm in Birmingham. Long distance never works let's be honest. I've made my peace with it, it's all good okay? And you don't love me, Cillian, you love sex." You finished putting your things in your small overnight bag and checked the time.

"My god you're serious, aren't you?"

"I just want you to know that it's okay if I don't hear from you again," You made eye contact with him, your own heart inside shattering but your game face on. You'd made your decision.

"This is completely out of left field y/n, the fuck is going on?"

"You deserve better than me. Someone who can give you everything you want, someone who isn't just a teacher and a failed actress."

"You don't love me, Cillian, you know nothing about me.."

"You're not a failed actress y/n, you've just finished a starring role! The fuck? Where's this coming from?"

"Façade?! What the fu - listen to me. Just hear me out. I. Want. You. I want you. All of you. Every inch of you. What's so difficult for you to understand?! Answer my question!'

"Do you love me?" He looked at you, square in the eyes. You glanced back at your suitcase, avoiding them.

"Look at me!!" He yelled suddenly, making you jump and your eyes water.

"Cillian please don't do this!! It's been a week, okay, I'm... I'm not ready for this! Drop the façade, there's no need to string me along anymore, it's okay! We can just go our separate ways. It was a fun weekend, but now we're back in the real world and WE don't work on the real world..."

You grabbed your bag, heading for the door. He blocked your path, refusing to let you leave.

"Cillian, move. Please."

"Answer my question and I'll let you go. Do. You. Love. Me?"

"Cillian enough!"

"Answer me! Yes or no?" You heart ached, screaming yes... Your eyes melted into his... And yet....

"No."

He didn't stop you. Simply looked to the floor, and stepped aside allowing you to pass.

"I'm sorry..." You whispered as you opened the door.

"So am I, y/n. So am I."

[missymurphy1985]

Nobody's Perfect (part7)

Will Liane crash the wedding?

Warning - angst / injury

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers

You woke in Cillian's childhood bedroom to the sound of his alarm going off. Fortunately he had a double bed, even though the way the two of you curled into each other, a single would've been fine.

"Morning beautiful lady..." He always woke you up like that, with a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

"Morning handsome. How you feeling about your baby sister getting married?"

"Weird. She's still 7 in my head. It's really odd!"

"She was telling me about her dress last night, it sounds beautiful."

"I'm sure it will be. Come on, me mother will be downstairs already fretting and I'm gonna be kicked out in 30minutes so you women can do whatever it is you women do before a wedding..."

"Am I not coming with you?"

"Nope. I'm going to be with the other groomsmen making sure Damien doesn't do a runner."

You laughed and dragged yourselves out of bed to get ready.

You'd arrived at the venue with 5 minutes to spare. Everyone, including Cillian, would be inside waiting for the bride. You headed into the toilets to touch your lipstick up before heading inside to wait yourself. Walking in, you noticed a blond woman doing the same as you. You smiled warmly, but she didn't return it. Not everyone in his family is as friendly as the others, clearly.

Thinking no more of it, you applied your lipstick and headed back to the wedding. Spotting Cillian at the front adjusting Damien's cravat, your heart soared. He looked incredible in his navy blue groomsman suit, combined with an ivory shirt and red rose boutonnière. His Peaky haircut only added to the attraction.

Silé and her father entered the room as A Thousand Years by Christina Perri played softly on the piano in the corner. You couldn't help but watch Cillian as he winked at his sister walking towards him and Damien at the altar. He wasn't just a groomsman, he was the best man. And what a best man he was. He nudged Damien, and he turned round, tears in his eyes as he watched his soon-to-be wife approach him. Cillian caught your eye and he smiled.

The ceremony over, it was time for drinks on the large patio area outside. You were stood talking to Cillian's youngest sister Orla when two hands wrapped themselves round your waist, and a pair of lips on your neck.

"Hey beautiful..." Orla made a vomit face, making you laugh as you turned and faced him.

"My word Mr Murphy, don't you scrub up well?"

"Not so bad yourself there." He held you at arms length, admiring the floor length light blue summer dress you'd chosen.

"Does this mean there's going to be an epic best man's speech from you then?"

"Yep. Had it written for months. Plan on embarrassing the shit out my little sister - perfect revenge for the stories I'm sure she told you last night." He smirked.

You were sat next to Cillian's other siblings at the wedding breakfast - there was a seat spare anyway - this wedding was three years in the planning, that seat would have been Liane's when it was put together. Silé had left it empty on the off chance her brother would find someone. Eventually, the time came for Cillian's speech. He took the microphone, and stood. Starting with the obligatory thanking everyone for coming, before cracking jokes about how he used to play practical jokes on his sister, and how he'd set her up on a blind date with Damien six years earlier. Liane got a mention - only to say that Damien setting him up with his sister 6 years earlier than that hadn't exactly gone to plan.

"I've only just forgiven you for that," he smiled, earning a laugh from the crowd. He made eye contact with you, and was about to speak before a voice from the back of the room interrupted him.

"Wasn't all that bad now, was it Cillian?" The room fell silent, you saw Cillian's face turn white as a sheet. Turning round, you saw the blond lady from the toilets earlier... It couldn't be...

"Can't have all been bad, you married me after 6 months of dating, didn't you?" Cillian cleared his throat, determined not to ruin his sister's wedding day.

"Liane, come on.." Orla took her shoulder and tried to walk her out of the room, but she was shoved violently away and hit the floor. Cillian had seen enough at that point and made his way over, pulling Orla off the floor and glaring at Liane.

"You need to leave, now, before I make you leave.." he seethed.

"Doesn't 12 years of marriage mean anything to you?!"

"Liane this is my sister's wedding day! We're not doing this now!"

"And who's this little slut you've brought with you, huh?" She turned to you, glaring as she made her way over. You were frozen to your seat as she picked up a wine glass and smashed it off the side of the table. Cillian shouted for someone to call the police as he grabbed her from behind and pulled her backwards onto a table. He managed to pin her to the floor, holding her hands up, writhing against him trying to get at you.

"Can someone take over.." he groaned, as Padraig grabbed her arms, another man had her legs. Cillian stumbled backwards, and you saw him clutch at his abdomen, blood on his hands and over his shirt. It was then you realised she wasn't holding the glass anymore..

"Someone call an ambulance!"

*************************************************************

You'd been waiting at the hospital for hours. As soon as he'd arrived he'd gone straight in for surgery. You'd gone in the ambulance with him, his mum and dad followed in the car. Everyone else stayed to give the police statements after Liane had been arrested.

His mum was holding your hand in the private room when the doctor finally came in.

"We managed to get all the glass shards out, and stitched him up. It went deep - a few centimetres to the left and she would have hit an artery. He'll need to stay for a couple of days so we can keep an eye on him, but he's awake now. He's asking for y/n?" His mum squeezed your hand. The doctor led you through to his room and you took a breath before going in. He was lying on the bed, wires in his arms and a sleepy look in his eyes, but he still shot you a smile.

"Feels like I'm filming 28 Days Later all over again," he smirked.

"You scared the shit out of me Cill..." The tears finally fell, you'd held them back up to this point but you couldn't stop them now. You sat next to his bed and held his hand, sobbing into it as he stroked your hair with his other hand.

"Just a scratch y/n. Better that than what I thought was gonna happen."

"There was so much blood..."

"She did a good job didn't she? Fuck it hurts..." He chuckled and immediately regretted it.

"Can you get my mam?" You nodded and went to fetch her. She came into to room and kissed Cillian's head lightly.

"Mam, y/n is good to stay with you til I'm outta here, right?"

"Not even a question son, you know that! Plenty of old photo albums I can show her." She smirked. So that's where he got that from...

"On second thoughts, maybe you should head to my place in Dublin..." He laughed nervously.

"Mrs Murphy I don't want to be a bother..."

"Shh now, I won't hear another word of it. You'll stay with us as long as you need to." You kissed Cillian's hand, a few tears still falling down your cheeks.

"Don't wind up the nurses Cill..." You warned, his mother told you the last time he was in hospital he spent the majority of the tine doing just that.

"Won't be flirting with them this time though at least." You raised an eyebrow, his mum slapped his shoulder.

Back at his mum's house, you'd settled on the sofa, his Dad on the armchair still in a bit of a daze and his mum bringing you a glass of wine.

"How's Silé and Damien?" You asked as she sat down next to you.

"They're more concerned about Cillian than the wedding - as long as he's okay, they're okay."

"Was she always crazy? Liane?"

"Not at first. She was a sweetheart. Once they got married and Cillian became more famous, she changed. Became possessive over him. Always checking up on him, making sure he wasn't having his way with co-stars... Ironic really!" She laughed.

"I'm so sorry for all of this... She wouldn't have done it if I'd not been there..."

"Not another word of it - the woman's a nutcase. This isn't your fault at all. I haven't seen my son this happy for years - and I mean it. If anything, I thank you for that." She took your hand as you welled up, and pulled you into a huge hug.

"You've all been so wonderful... Sorry I keep crying, my emotions are all over the place..."

"Understandable, it's been a hell of a day. Take yourself off.to get some rest. I'll wake you in the morning, we can go see Cillian. Maybe a spot of shopping after, what do you say?"

You grinned, and nodded. Saying goodnight you headed upstairs. Getting into bed, you sent a text to Cillian.

"Hope you're okay? I'm heading to bed, love you X"

He didn't reply but you figured he was probably resting, until his dad shouted up the stairs.

"Y/n??!!!" You rushed out of bed and ran downstairs.

"What's wrong?"

"Cillian's in a bad way, we need to get to the hospital now..."