#i know after two years off v/m were itching to come back and compete again

[aflawedfashion]

I have mixed feelings about Papadakis and Cizeron potentially coming back, but it's obvious they wouldn't be facing the level of competition they had with Virtue/Moir or even Sinitsina/Katsalapov and Hubbell/Donohue. It just makes sense for them to come back.

[juliaisabellphoto]

Music Journal #1: 2018 Albums of the Year

Thus far, I’ve dedicated this blog solely to my attempts at becoming a decent photographer, as well as some scattered descriptions of my travels. While I have no intention of making this blog absurdly personal or anything more than an artistic outlet, I’ve always had an itching to write about the music I find & listen to. So, without further ado, I’ll start with my favorite albums of the year (& a short summary of my thoughts on each)

1. Tash Sultana, Flow State

I stumbled upon this gem of a project late in 2018 when I was itching for an album to drown myself in. As soon as the first notes of “Seed (Intro)” blasted in my headphones, I knew I had chosen right. With a beautiful combination of melodic guitar riffs, biting electronic drum tracks, and silky, laid-back vocals, Sultana opens up a world for the listener to fall into. Listening to this album is startlingly similar to a dreamless night of sleep - one moment you feel as though you can discern the differences between tracks, and the next you’ve made it all the way to track eight without noticing. “Cigarettes” is certainly the vocal gem of the piece, with smooth R&B roots & a chorus that just won’t get out of your head. In stark contrast, “Blackbird” is a song of instrumental mastery. The vocals take a backdrop to the intense conversation (and at some points, argument) being had by Sultana’s competing guitar melodies. Sultana’s work on the guitar is often reminiscent of John Butler Trio & other acoustic greats, but the addition of their unique voice allows the album to take an entirely unique shape of its own. If I have one piece of advice for 2019, it’s to make time to sit and do nothing but listen to this album. 

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVDJ8O3lPBA

2. Ariana Grande, Sweetener

This was an obvious choice. Ari dropped the album we all needed to hear in 2018. With the artful ability to produce banging pop songs with real meaning, Grande has the makings of a star who will not stop shining for a long, long while. The album is brimming with girl power and independence while also being honest and genuine. The entrancing bass line and sexy confidence of “God is a woman” captured the attention of functionally everyone this year, and with good reason. The subsequent confessional “breathin” showed that even the most badass women have their struggles. Chronicling her fight with anxiety, the song provides a stunning anthem for holding your head up through hard times. If this album proves anything, it is that the new queen of pop has arrived and will be staying. 

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivwciGSLC-M

3. ASAP Rocky, TESTING

In this album, ASAP Rocky ascends to a whole new level of hip-hop greatness. When describing the project, he stated that it was ‘all about testing new sounds,” and that shows. The abrasive intro song, “Distorted Records,” sets the stage for a completely unique soundscape. This experimentation continues throughout the album with funky drum tracks and accompanying melodies, but ASAP Rocky’s clean vocal style provides a uniting constant. 

While most of this album is perfect for blasting on the highway with car windows down, one song stands out as an independent masterpiece. “Purity.” featuring Frank Ocean, stands in stark contrast to the air of invincibility found in the rest of the album. This song is vulnerable: an introspective discussion of intoxication-related demons laid over an artful sample of Lauryn Hill’s “I Gotta Find Peace of Mind.” This slow, heart-wrenching piece provides an end to the album that is completely antithetical to its beginning. The immense versatility shown in one album alone deserves to be at the top of any 2018 list.

4. Khruangbin, Con Todo El Mundo

If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that the best instrumental music has the ability to say more than any lyrics can. Khruangbin’s second album does just that: every song has a character and a storytelling emotion wrapped up in its funky bass lines. At times, the album floats along as life does (see “Como Me Quieres.) At others, for example in Maria Tambien, there is the feeling of being in the midst of some dramatic situation. The album instrumentally represents the  stages of individual thought (both active and passive) and it is completely enthralling. 

Fun fact: the track “August 10″ is the song “August 12″ from their first album, but played in reverse. They described it as a “connective tissue” between their first album and their second. Cool stuff!

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWLJeqLPfSU

5. Mitski, Be the Cowboy

I first listened to this album as I fell asleep on a plane ride, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The droning, climactic beauty of this album is best experienced on its own with nothing to distract but your own droopy eyes. The album starts off slow with “Geyser,” but quickly works its way up to the earth-shaking climax of “Pearl.” The album is filled with complex sonic peaks and valleys from there on out (try to find a melodic similarity between “Remember My Name” and “Come into the Water” - I date you.) The songs of this album feel like different chapters in a storybook, and that’s exactly how Mitski wanted it. When she described her intentions, she said that she wanted the album to feel like “the image of someone alone on a stage.” ‘Be the Cowboy’ cleverly achieves this - finishing the album feels like finishing a novel, including the disappointment at the lack of further content. 

6. Troye Sivan. Bloom

This pop album bursting with energy and emotion accesses the wonderful, terrible process of falling in and out of love. While I could talk for paragraphs upon paragraphs about the hours that I spent dancing in my kitchen to this album, that’s not the primary reason for this album’s place on my list. With ‘Bloom,’ Sivan produced one of the most emotionally versatile musical pieces of the year. When I discuss his songs with people, I am always struck by the differences in what they mean to each of us. Certainly, this variance in meaning is the nature of music - but Sivan pushes that to a new level. His songs are a vibrant and powerful normalization of gay expression, and provide the whole world with relatable songs to dance (and cry) to.

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xCMF7jsDJI

7. J. Balvin, Vibras

There is only one thing that this album makes you want to do: dance. It is absolutely guaranteed that your hips will be moving by the end of song number two. The beats on this new album are hot and infectious, as shown by the popularity of “Mi Gente” in clubs everywhere. Reggaeton as a genre has gained massive popularity globally, and Balvin has jumped into this with new variations of the traditional Columbian style. Noticeable throughout the album are infusions of popular trap beats as well as salsa and electronic dance music (see “Machika.”) The album is undeniably sexy, y despues de escuchar todas personas quieren mas ;)

8. LP, Heart to Mouth

I read somewhere that this album was a “full-length heartbreaker.” As I progressed through each song, this description was confirmed ten times over. There is not a single song on this album that didn’t make me feel something real. In no particular order, LP represents the whirlwind of emotions that come with the end of a relationship: regret, pain, missing someone, liberation, strength. The entire conflicting mess is all there. Listen to ‘Recovery’ if you need a cry, and ‘Girls Go Wild’ if you need a therapeutic dance party. All I can do is feel thankful to have received this raw, empowering confessional. And of course, her stunning vocals don’t hurt one bit. 

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACWS4ajWdww

9. Mac Miller, Swimming 

Listening to this album in the wake of Mac’s death is haunting. His words cut deep, and they cut deeper after knowing the full extent of how he struggled. The themes of growth and healing are wrapped up in overwhelming melodies and Mac’s beautiful voice. The first track of the album, “Come Back to Earth,” sets the stage for the emotional rollercoaster that each track is bound to be. After this song, he launches into the groovy “Hurt Feelings” and begins to describe the intricacies of his hardships. This album is something you could easily bop around your kitchen table to (queue “What’s the Use?”), but if you listen too closely you might end up in tears. In this contemplative and instrumentally complex record, Mac’s last work was his strongest. 

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrR_gm6RqCo

10. Liz Brasher, Outcast EP

I first heard this EP on an episode of NPR’s “All Songs Considered” in the middle of a long drive up California Highway 5 (one that would’ve been torturous without the discovery of new music.) The song “Body of Mine” immediately caught my ear, and I dove into the rest of Brasher’s music as deeply as I could. Uncut garage-band sound is the overwhelming theme of the EP - “Body of Mine,” “Come My Way,” and “Outcast” make this crystal clear. Despite the quick assumptions that can be made about her sound, Brasher pulls complexity into the EP with the heart-wrenching ballads “Feel Something” and “Remain.” These two songs showcase the raw strength of her voice and the emotion that she can convey with it. I am excited to see what her music develops into as she gains more acclaim in the new year. Thanks again, NPR!

11. Travis Scott, ASTROWORLD

I haven’t been a huge Travis Scott fan in the past. I would passively listen to his music, but I never understood all the buzz about him. This album completely changed my mind. ASTROWORLD is a masterpiece in so many ways, and the amount of depth present in the album is mindblowing. While “STARGAZING” and “SICKO MODE” stand out as obvious party bangers, it’s no surprise that many fans are hooked on calmer tracks like “YOSEMITE” and “COFFEE BEAN.” If I were to describe the different musical styles employed on this album, I would truly be describing every song. Scott enters a new realm of production genius, giving club DJs exactly what they want while also producing the perfect songs for a chill night in smoking. He includes the autotuned party business he employed in past albums while also mixing in pure, clean cuts of his own voice. It was a pleasant surprise to hear an album from a trap artist with both diversity and widespread quality. Officially a Travis Scott fan. 

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enYt3dKXWkE

12. Christine and the Queens, Chris

I was also introduced to this album late in the year, and I’m glad I was because its energy was exactly what I needed. This half poppy half funky explosion of energy is what anyone needs to listen to on a down day. This album was her rebranding as Chris, an “affirmation of desire as a force of chaos” as she described in an interview with NPR. In both the album artwork and the record’s descriptions of love and identity, she plays with the fluidity of gender and its meaning in our modern era. This phenomenal record is an exercise in both shifting representations of desire and making you dance, and I’m so here for it.

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjliweXTCYM

12. Kacey Musgraves. Golden Hour

This slow-rolling album is perfect for a slow day. When I initially saw this album on the top charts, I was confused - I had seen Musgraves live in 2014, I had heard “High Horse,” but what was SO special about her? It was only in taking a chunk of my day to sit and listen to this album that I caught the bug that everyone else seemed to already have. In this album, Musgraves develops into so much more of an artist than she has been in the past. She shifts from cookie-cutter radio country to a wonderfully sweet combination of cotton-candy pop and heartfelt Americana guitar riffs. Her message is positive, her lyrics are honest, and her sound is touching. I was most convinced by “Happy & Sad,” and I won’t deny that the song pulled tears out of my eyes. She conveys youthful happy energy while simultaneously acknowledging the uncertainty of that happiness, and we all needed it (even if we didn’t know it.) Plus, “High Horse” is a bop, and that’s that on that. 

13. BROCKHAMPTON, iridescence

After the expulsion of Ameer Vann from the group and the cancellation of a number of tour dates, many weren’t sure what to expect from Brockhampton in the coming weeks. The name of the upcoming album was changed, and presumably entirely new songs were recorded. Nevertheless, iridescence was received with intense anticipation from die-hard Brockhampton fans (myself among them.) The album fulfilled all hopes - with the first track, “NEW ORLEANS,” launching into an aggressive and high-energy beat, I couldn’t help but smile. Brockhampton did it yet again. The transitions between songs are seamless, and every song lends to the theatrics that they love to pull onstage. Much of the record feels like a high-speed formula one race, but the emotional “SAN MARCOS” pulls listeners into another dimension entirely. Hearing this song performed live was one of the more powerful moments of any concert I’ve ever seen - the outro was made to be passionately sung by a crowd, and it so was. And “TONYA” - wow. I could go on forever about this album.

14. Boygenius, boygenius

The cover art for this record is simple, and that simplicity shines through in its tracks. The collaboration of Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and Lucy Dacus in this project is pure magic. The music is calm, melodic, and easy to become entranced by. Their voices could lull me to sleep any day, and every song feels like it could play during the part of a movie when the protagonist stares out a car window in deep thought. Each song builds to an emotionally charged climax in exactly the tortured way that a listener would expect from these three artists. At this point, I’d be deeply sad if these three didn’t continue making music as a group. They are a gift.

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS48Lp34Zic

15. Kali Uchis, Isolation

Kali Uchis blooms in a real way in Isolation. Busting at the seams with sexy confidence, her psychedelic-funky R&B traversal of genres on this record is just perfect. Her uniquely smooth voice pulled over left-of-center beats lends itself to an album full of hits. “After the Storm” featuring Tyler the Creator gained quick popularity, and it is a good representative of the vibe that the rest of the album gives off. A laid back, sexual, happy piece of musical experimentation, Kali Uchis is here to play ball. 

16. Cardi B, Invasion of Privacy

With Invasion of Privacy, Cardi B burst onto the popular rap scene with no regrets. Every song exudes her bad bitch energy and reclaims the rap music tropes typically employed exclusively by men. While an incredible ancestry of female rappers came before her, Cardi B has broken the musical glass ceiling in a big way. She is the first female rapper to reach number one on the Billboard top 200 in over 20 years, has the most Billboard top 100 entries of any female artist in history, and many more. She is a true ‘rags-to-riches’ success story, and she’s here to tell us all about it. I’m listening.  

Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LPVjHxXvJM

17. Ryan Beatty, Boy in Jeans

I just saw an article titled “Ryan Beatty writes really good pop songs about boys.” This was a quite simplistic summary of what’s going on here, but it’s not wrong. Despite his vocals on Brockhampton’s “Bleach” and his frequent collaboration with the popular group, Beatty didn’t break out individually in the music scene until now. He certainly did so with this album, and he did it well. His slightly left-of-center pop featuring a voice with the consistency of caramel is exactly what everyone wants to hear. It’s the perfect music for a scenic car ride, and I’m obsessed.

18. The Decemberists, I’ll Be Your Girl

I’ve been a fan of the Decemberists for a long time, and I saw them at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley on their last tour. I would see them again in a heartbeat, and I will never get over the passion that goes into Colin Meloy’s vocal presentation. With the high-energy promotion of this album, I was expecting typical Decemberists greatness. What I got was something entirely different - greatness, but nothing typical. This electronically-infused record exposed a new side of the Decemberists that I am refreshed to hear. The addition of synth and an Arcade Fire type vibe suits them and the sort of rebranding they desired to achieve. With this album, the Decemberists evolved in a way they never have, and I applaud them for it. 

19. J. Cole, KOD

There are a number of people who love to hate on J. Cole, and I’ve never understood it. With this album in particular, J. Cole distinguished himself with both lyrics and production value. The album cover above depicts excessive drug use, and in fine print states “This album is in no way intended to glorify addiction.” This powerful message alone sets the stage for an album that means something. The subsequent subject matter of each of the record’s tracks follows this narrative - a description of being stuck in the ways of drug addiction. I have always appreciated J. Cole for his ability to tell a complete story through an album despite the lack of a chronological order or common plot in each song. The album shows the deterioration of a drug addict - from the high of “KOD” to  the contemplative pain of “Once an Addict (Interlude).” 

20. Kendrick Lamar, Black Panther the Album

Everything produced surrounding the Black Panther movie was a hit. The power of this movie and the contributors to this album is unparalleled. Aside from the clear message that this media sent, every song is phenomenal. “All the Stars” displays SZA’s ridiculous vocal prowess. “X” is the perfect hype song, displaying Kendrick’s sassy and innovative lyrical technique. In “The Ways,” Khalid’s sweet voice embodies the beauty of the powerful woman he describes. “I Am” by Jorja Smith absolutely knocks the album out of the park - this stunningly sexy track propelled her onto the music scene, and thank god it did. I’d listen forever if I could. I’d go on, but every song on this album is an iconic collaboration. 

Must watch: the movie.

21. Houndmouth, Golden Age

This album is so painfully underrated. If you want a pick me up, listen to Golden Age. Immediately. From the album’s floaty start to the explosive mood of the album’s namesake track, it’s all hits and no misses. Embracing a completely different musical tone from their last album, Houndmouth seizes a futuristic alt-rock cacophony as their new style. Taking nods from 80s Phil Collins numbers (the beginning of Strange Love... come on!), they take us back to a golden age of sorts while also propelling us to a fun future. I will never not dance my pants off to this album.

[snortinglaughter]

Flowers and Antlers.

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3

It is a general belief held by the Wizarding World that only those who are pure of heart are able to perform the Patronus Charm. According to legend, one of the most famous Patronuses of all time was a lowly mouse that belonged to a young wizard named Illyius. Illyius cast the Patronus Charm while his village was being attacked by the Dark wizard Raczidian and his army of Dementors. Despite the mouse’s diminutive size, it shone with the brightest of lights, bringing the Dementors to a halt as it nimbly moved through the ranks of fleeing villagers. Enraged, Raczidian decided to enter the fray himself and tried to summon a Patronus to ward off Illyius’s mouse. However, he failed to remember that only the pure of heart can produce a Patronus, and thus, for the first time in history, it was revealed what happens when a competent but unworthy wizard or witch attempts the spell. Maggots shot out of Raczidian’s wand and quickly devoured him as they engulfed his entire body.

Harry closed the book, horrified by what he had just read; the silence in the library had never felt heavier. He didn’t know if Malfoy would ask him for help, but he wanted to be ready if he did. Harry had excused himself to Ron and Hermione by saying he would go to Madam Pomfrey for a headache potion, but instead had used his free period to do some quick research.

Malfoy had been branded with the Dark Mark, but Harry had witnessed his attempt to cast the charm last night and nothing wretched had happened; it gave Harry hope.

“I know what you did.”

Harry looked up, his eyes widening; Malfoy was standing next to him.

“W-what?” he stuttered, covering the book’s title as much as his hands allowed.

“I know what you did. Did you honestly think I wouldn’t notice?” Malfoy said with a raised eyebrow.

“Shit,” Harry whispered; when he’d left the Charms classroom he’d thought he’d been stealthy-smooth, like a ninja in one of those movies Dudley used to watch. “Listen, Malfoy I… I thought -”

“Thought what, exactly? Being The-Tit-Who-Lived doesn’t give you the right to search through my belongings, Potter,” said Malfoy with the poshest of accents.

Harry remembered his little burst of curiosity the night before and his jaw dropped almost to the floor.

“How did you -”

“I never leave my sketchbook under my pillow.” Malfoy bit his lip and looked around for any eavesdroppers. “I’d appreciate it if you’d keep whatever you saw to yourself.”

He stalked out of the library without another word. Harry stuffed the book in his bag and followed; he couldn’t let Malfoy walk away like that.

“Malfoy, wait!” Harry grabbed him by the elbow, making him stop reluctantly. “Listen, I shouldn’t have; it was wrong, I know. I did take it and I’m sorry, but I didn’t open it; I promise.”

Malfoy frowned slightly.

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’? Did you want me to have a look or not?” Harry frowned a tad deeper. Was this a contest to see who could scrunch their forehead the most?

“No, I mean, why are you apologizing? Why are you being nice about this?”

“Because…”

Harry’s heart skipped a beat; ‘because I have a massive crush on you’ didn’t seem like the right answer at the moment. He looked around as if expecting the suits of armor in the corridors would give him advice. One of the portraits, an old witch who was aiming her ear trumpet at them, gave him an encouraging nod when she realized Harry was looking at her.

“Because I want you to show me; I want you to want to show me.”

He was making a statement; Harry hoped Malfoy would understand what came with it. Malfoy swallowed hard and Harry couldn’t help noticing the slight bobbing of his Adam’s apple. Green eyes bored into grey ones; something hot ran down Harry’s spine, making the hairs on his arms stand. They inadvertently moved closer; Harry’s heart seemed to want to crawl up his throat.

“Yes,” Malfoy whispered.

They were standing so close now, their breaths ragged.

“Ahem!”

They jumped at the sound and looked around until they realized it came from the witch with the ear trumpet; she giggled quietly.

“Yes,” Malfoy repeated, recovering his composure. “I - I’d like that.”

Harry tried, but couldn’t stop a massive grin that almost reached his ears.

“We, um, we can talk about it after class, or tomorrow - whenever you want.”

“Tonight, in the Common Room.” Malfoy’s gaze drifted to Harry’s lips. “I’d like to have my arm back, Potter.”

Harry hadn’t even been aware that he was still gripping it.

“Right, of course; there you go,” he said as he almost reluctantly let go. “Tonight, then.”

“See you, Potter.” Malfoy smiled.

Harry couldn’t stop staring at Malfoy for the rest of the day: during class, in the corridors, as they entered the Great Hall.

“Harry, watch where you’re going!” Hermione said.

“Wha – oh, sorry.” He had stepped on her heel, making Hermione step out of her shoe.

“What is it with you today?” She frowned, wiggling her foot to get it in her shoe again.

“Oh, um,” he looked at the Slytherin table, catching Malfoy’s gaze. “I actually wanted to ask you something.”

“Sorry, mate; she already has a date for the Yule Ball,” Ron joked.

“Damn, maybe next year,” said Harry, making his way to the Hufflepuff table. “So, ‘Mione, do you think it’s possible for a Dark Wizard to cast a Patronus?”

“Why? Is this for a DADA essay?” She frowned, “I don’t remember Professor Daythorn saying anything about it.”

“No, no; it’s – it’s kind of…” Harry looked to her side, making sure Ron was too busy stuffing his mouth with Shepard’s pie. “Kind of personal,” he mumbled.

“Oh?” Hermione frowned in confusion for a moment before realization hit her; Harry could swear she looked straight at Malfoy for a fraction of a second. “Oh! Well, um. Ron, I forgot my Potions book in the dungeon.”

“Agh c’mon ‘Mione, ‘m ‘bout to stah wih’ da roaf beef.” Harry never failed to be amazed by Ron’s capacity to speak with his mouth full without spitting any bits of food.

“Please, babe?” Hermione pouted.

“Fine,” Ron sighed and gulped. “Don’t let anyone near my plate; be back in a jiffy.”

Hermione waited until Ron was far enough away and then turned to Harry giving him a very McGonagall-ish look.

“Ok, let’s hear it.”

“Hear what? I just -”

“Don’t insult my intelligence, Harold; I know this is about Malfoy.” Her expression softened when Harry didn’t answer. “You’re my brother and I love you, Harry; I don’t know what exactly is going on between you two, but if he hurts you I’ll flip him like a fucking omelet.”

Harry was momentarily speechless. He’d never heard Hermione speak like this, but it made him smile –and a little proud.

“That being said, Snape and Dumbledore ensured Malfoy’s soul was kept intact, and I don’t think he’s truly an evil person; I’ve always thought he tried to help you back - back in the Manor,” Harry took her hand and she squeezed back, giving him a sad smile. “We all went through hell in that place, but he was the one who lived for months under the same roof with the madman who tortured him and his parents; I think Malfoy could be able to perform the charm if he can concentrate on a happy memory, Harry, but maybe he doesn’t have happy memories at all.”

Harry was sitting on one of the couches in front of the fireplace in the Common Room; he quit trying to join his friends’ conversation as mixed memories of old quarreling and sixth year kept distracting him. Ever since he’d spoken with Hermione earlier, his mind had been a tangle of roads, all of them leading to the same destination: Malfoy.

Harry had seen him go up the stairs; he thought of following, but decided that being alone in the dorm after the moment they’d shared outside the library was quite dangerous. That was another thing he kept thinking of; Harry had never felt the same way with Ginny –not to mention Cho– and he’d barely touched Malfoy’s arm, for-crying-out-loud. And then, that night when he’d thought Malfoy and Neville were a couple… The only time he could remember being that angry was when he’d lost control of his magic and inflated Aunt –‘stop it, she’s not your Aunt’– Marge.

“Are you coming, Harry?” Ron looked at him expectantly; they were the only ones left in the common room, Harry realized.

“I’ll stay here just a tad longer, mate.”

His friend looked like he was about to question him, but merely shrugged and said his goodnight. Ron had a way of knowing when something was bothering him, and Harry had never been more grateful for it; he wasn’t quite ready to talk about this whole feelings thing and, besides, he had no idea what Ron’s reaction would be.

Harry got more nervous as the minutes passed by; would Malfoy really show up to their d- meeting? Maybe the other lads in the dorm were still awake; maybe Harry should just go upstairs and leave it for some other time. No, he should stay, give Malfoy a few minutes; he was probably just as nervous as Harry. It was five past midnight on his wristwatch. What if Malfoy had gone to the bathroom and accidentally locked himself in? Harry should probably go check. No, no; he should wait.

A light shuffling sound came from the stairs at his back; Harry felt the nape of his neck bristle. He awkwardly stood up and turned to see Malfoy in navy blue pajama bottoms and a tight –very tight— matching long-sleeved V-neck; sketchbook in hand. Harry’s fingers itched with the urge to touch pale collarbones. Thank Merlin he was still in his school robes; they were proving to be very useful at the moment.

“Potter.” Malfoy was smiling; Harry was sure Malfoy knew he looked fit as hell.

“Malfoy,” Harry responded, trying to summon the calmest expression he could manage as he sat with his hands fisted at his sides.

“I apologize for taking so long,” Malfoy said, sitting beside him at a safe distance; a whiff of cool minty freshness filled Harry’s nose.

“No, that’s quite alright. Um, listen, Malfoy, I just - about what happened in sixth -”

“Stop.” Malfoy looked directly into his eyes. “We both made the wrong decision that day. I’ve put it behind me.”

Harry was about to protest but fell silent as Malfoy determinedly opened the sketchbook and an image of a flower caught his eye.

It was a drawing of a narcissus in grey and white shades; the lines were smooth and flowing, giving Harry a sense of serenity. He was so used to the school portraits and hideous vegetable paintings at the Dursley’s that he was awestruck for a moment; he’d never seen anything like it.

“May I?” Harry asked.

Malfoy slowly passed the sketchbook over; it felt as if he was about to hand Harry a piece of his heart. Harry lightly touched the sheet, almost certain that he would feel the soft petals with his fingertips.

“Did you use magic?”

“One would think magic would give you a better result, but I’ve learned the muggle way is better; you have more control over the lines.” Malfoy watched Harry’s face intently.

Harry skimmed through pages of drawings of different types of flowers. He didn’t know the names of most of them, although he recognized a peony. When did Malfoy learn to do this? How was he so good?

He turned another page and his heart stopped.

On the page was a majestic pair of Stag antlers. The heavy contrast of dark and light created a sense of realism that made the drawing seem to pop off of the paper.

His heart began beating again with so much force that it seemed it was trying to smash its way out of his ribcage. Harry could see it beating through his chest; he could barely control his agitated breathing. Harry was afraid he might implode.

“It’s beautiful.” The words came out as a soft whisper.

Harry looked up and took in every detail of Malfoy’s face: his slightly thicker bottom lip and pronounced cupid’s bow, smooth pale skin that highlighted the pinkish tint of his cheeks, and those vivid grey eyes.

“Beautiful.”

Read more on Ao3