#i knew i had to draw this like. IMMEDIATELY when i saw that tweet

[witchbeat]

based on this:

[theinarticulatemagicmarkerpen]

I've wanted to write something about Reita's passing since a couple weeks ago. I was seriously considering chucking this in my drafts forever, with my brain saying things like I'm not like a diehard fan, my thoughts probably don't matter.

However, rereading the translations of the tributes and feelings of his fellow juniors, and drawing a tribute piece desperately in-between real-life commitments, I felt the need for my words to go somewhere.

I needed to give myself an outlet and let my words and art reach somebody in the process.

I hope what I write brings someone comfort, no matter if you are a casual or hardcore fan, an older or a younger one.

I've calmed down considerably since the first draft of this, but my apologies for the rambly mess, and if there are grammatical mistakes or mistakes in expressions. I'm not sure if I'll keep this post up all the way, but yes.

It's a long one so, more under the cut.

I got the news slightIy after 1pm. I was working from home, eating my lunch.

Scrolling through social media, I saw the tweet. Taisetsu na oshirase. Couldn't mean anything that good.

I wanted to think the news was them disbanding.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the kanji on the announcement, which to my Mandarin-trained eyes, read as "asleep, forever".

Of course, I knew immediately it meant that he passed.

What? He passed?

I gasped audibly.

I texted my bestie who loved The GazettE.

"Say sike right now" I said out loud, to whom, I'm not sure.

I wanted Reita to pop out and say, no it's not true.

I checked his SNS and saw he just tweeted last night, in the early hours. Surely, this was some cruel, cruel joke.

Anger that this happened to Visual Kei, anger that my world, my working world was still running as per normal.

The rest of the working day was a blur.

As someone who has to check on social media and the news for work, it was insanely difficult for me to pretend everything was normal. My arms felt heavy as if sadness were a weight that pressed on my shoulders... and anger boiled over.

I don't want to see a social media obsessing a place giving out free ice cream scoops today!! Fuck the ice cream!! Reita passed away, he's gone, doesn't this world see that this man is gone? Can't anyone see that this man I believed would be around forever was gone?

So deep in grief I was, that I even shared about his death with colleagues. Of course, it wasn't information that had significance to them, but I just wanted someone, anyone to receive my grief.

Someone to hear about how unfair this was, from the metaphorical rooftops.

Doomscrolling just added to all the sadness I was experiencing, with no clarity to the confusion. I don't understand. I don't understand, I screamed into the digital void.

I still knew that he liked motorbikes, worked out, had a really cool brand called SNAKEDLOWS. Even if I didn't know every moment and every little fun fact about him, even if I mixed up his and Aoi's voice on the RadioJack clip my bestie references to me (damn that Sandra!), Reita was cool to me.

Indeed, I didn't.

Even though I had not followed The GazettE that closely, I still knew everyone by name, by role.

I still remember fondly that one screencap of a host asking him if he always had his noseband on. He responded: of course not, back in school(?), he had a black one. That will be my fondest memory of him.

Reita, and the rest of The GazettE were like old friends to me: that even if you didn't knew exactly what they were up to, the world doesn't feel the same if you didn't knew what they were up and doing.

I had fully expected them to exist forever together, you know? They were supposed to be 5 old men in a nursing home together, all senile, crinkly, and joking about the good old days. Who knows, in adult diapers, and attempting to croak out a ballad at the 4pm karaoke session in between feeding time or nap time or whatever, diaper changes and stuff. Annoying the staff for fucking pretending the games room was their changing room or Budokan, Maybe the staff would have to remove anything that remotely reminded them of being a band before they tear the nursing home down attempting to throw a live there. That's what I honestly expected.

We can probably all agree: there's no other guy with a noseband that will be as celebrated, cherished, and remembered. Even if it fucking sucks for me to say that he's gone, I still don't believe I have to talk about him in past tense...

The GazettE is the benchmark that every bandman wishes they could be. Of course, you had the legends, but this was the band that most younger bandmen would celebrate and emulate with incredible openness and candour; they are constantly on the lips and minds of anyone in Vkei.

Reita was the senior and friend and respected hero to my heroes. As someone who got into Vkei around the tail end of the Neo-Visual Kei era, it was obvious that The Gazette was everything a bandman could hope to be. PSC owned some of the most influential bands of that era. Some of the folks, such as Kagrra, and Alice Nine, worked closely with them or were at least, out there in the Vkei trenches with them at some point.

As someone who loved Kagrra and Alice Nine, seeing the members tweet about Reita killed me inside. Especially for the Kagrra members...how do you cope seeing your junior pass so young, when your own vocalist did, too?

And outside of it, too - in my country where Vkei hasn't had much of a hold in recent years, I'd run into or see GazettE fans in random places, like a train station, or while getting lunch at work. Cosplay acquaintances that rarely spoke about Vkei, spoke about The GazettE when he passed.

But alas, none of these, none of our sadnesses, none of our most desperate cries will bring him back. In a scene that sees so much talent come and go, so much news that breaks people's hearts, in a scene so fragile and full of reminders of our own mortality, how do we go on?

Sadie's guitarist, Tsurugi's (fun fact, Tsurugi is also in a band called RAZOR. RAZOR's vocalist Ryoga, was previously of BORN. BORN was under the same label as The GazettE then!) words at their comeback live on Mar. 17 resonated with me a lot, even now. Here's a rough translation:

I suppose this is the kind of time where I want to remember that this genre is still kicking. People care about it, even if it isn't all the same, even if it feels like things changed, and the areas and bands of focus have changed.

I brought myself to Japan again this year, for the first time in several years, and for the first time in my life, I attended Visual Kei events in Japan, 11 or 12 years after I first fell for the genre. I realised how much and how little I knew all at once, but I went home with so much hope.

”You may be in various physical conditions, but you are alive, and that is why we can meet again like this. I felt that we don't have to push ourselves, we just have to keep living and we can have a day like this. Many bands take a break or break up nowadays, but as long as they are alive, we may be able to see them again. We didn't know when we would be able to come back. But I guess that's the connection, isn't it? Please continue to live with us.

Thanks to The GazettE, their juniors, friends and contemporaries worked hard to become the bands I hold close to my heart.

Because of a scene influenced, energised and coloured by them, I ran into friends and formed my lifelong passion for Visual Kei, a genre that's so colourful and beautiful, despite every death, and every departure.

Bandmen sharing their good memories of him, bandmen encouraging and cheering fans on, all connected by the same thread.

If you're looking for a sign tonight to hang on, I hope this will be it. I myself am not doing so great, but, if my words can encourage someone here, somehow to hang on, then that will suffice.

I'm going a little off-tangent, but, maybe that needed to be said.

My advice for all of you feeling lost and in grief is to not fight your feelings. However, with each day, hang on and live to see the possibilities. Tsurugi was right. Maybe it's enough to be alive to meet your idols again. The GazettE will continue to move, so let's move along with them - not moving away from grief, but growing around it.

Reita would want that for all of us, to keep living strongly, to keep GazettE in our minds, and most importantly, to keep going. Even if you can't make it down right now to see your heroes, support them the best way you can, through your kind words, actions, thoughts, drawings, and above all - love for fellow family, friends and fans.

I believe in signs and things like that, so I'm gonna share some stuff that may be comforting to some of you, along with my personal experiences with grief, loss and comfort. Nothing religious or anything, but if you don't like that kind of stuff then you can stop here. I'll share the rest of my thoughts below.

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But first, Rest in peace, Reita. I'll post the completed drawing here soon. Take care. I think about you when I see cockatiels and motorbikes. Say hi to your heroes, and I hope you'll let your senior, Isshi, and your former bandmate, Yune know that somewhere beneath the moonlit sky, we're all hoping to see everyone again one day.

It's past midnight in Japan as well, so..happy birthday to you, fly high <3

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I read that some of you are worried that the members, especially Uruha, will feel so alone and desolate. I absolutely agree.

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Once again, only proceed if you're comfortable with me talking about stuff like signs and all that.

A year ago, 5 days from Reita's date of passing, I lost a close family member - my dad. It's a painful process, I spent so many years caregiving for him alongside my sister.

I want you to believe that someone has comforted the members, given them a hug, and told them that their best friend, their eternal member, is in a good place. And that he's always gonna watch over them.

When people came to the funeral, while it was so sad, there were times when his good friends/students came. And there was one of his best friends. I usually keep my distance, but at this moment, I felt myself going forward, hugging her, telling her that my dad was in a good place.

My dad was likely speaking through me, and perhaps if that happened to the boys, that's really probably Reita speaking to them through that, as well.

Earlier in March, I had visited Hide's grave, yes, X Japan's Hide.

(*Important: Hide's family allows for visitations from fans, so long as you do not bring offerings, so this is permitted. If a grave of a bandman has not been publicly revealed or you were not given permission to visit or seek out the grave, do NOT trespass or do so.)

Running up to the grave, I sobbed, I sobbed so much and so loudly.

I was feeling a little sick so I didn't know if I'd make it, but I did...and it was beautiful, the entire process.

I was afraid that it being in a rather far-flung corner of Kanagawa, I wouldn't be able to make it with no one around, but it turned out it was kind of a period in time where many Japanese people who were doing grave visits. When I got off the bus stop, I decided to chat up a kind Japanese obasan who happened to go grave-visting that day. I was surprised that I was able to understand her well enough... she even spoke and knew a bit of my mother tongue, which she studied for years! She also clearly gave me directions to his grave....it was so serendipitous.

I told him to watch over my heroes, who I was in part here for, not so much myself.

The wind howled in my face as if he were saying that he heard me and wanted me to dry my eyes.

I felt that he was teasing me a little for crying so much just meeting him for the first time. "What's with the sad face?" I could almost hear it in the air.

I managed to finish what I needed to say, dry my eyes and compose myself for a few minutes, right before passersby came down the same way. They also took photos of the grave. I offered to help them take photos of them, to which they declined, but they offered to take photos of me instead.

I was incredibly lucky, but I'm more than certain that I was being watched over.

So for Reita, surely he must be watching, for you all. He's no deity, surely, but he's in a place he can hear you. Like Hide, your thoughts will reach him wherever you are.

So live strongly, ok?

You must continue living your life because that's what he would have wanted, for you to keep The GazettE's legacy alive, like his wishes, and also help another fan or friend get through another day.

The GazettE is not the same GazettE without his presence, but similarly, life is not the same if you are not here. Hang in there, friend. Sending you love.

Thanks for reading too, the ramblings of someone who grew up with Vkei even if I was always at the periphery of the fandom.

[the-fiction-witch]

Please Hold while we connect you to another available servant of darkness

Media IRL X Medival

Character Thomas Brodie Sangster (Demon / Devil)

Couple Thomas X Reader (Witch)

Rating Sweet AF

Concept Ritual Summoning

I sat perched on the cotton and yarn blanket over my rigid window seat, observing out my small square windows, As the Sun gradually descended below the horizon, and the glow of the day vanished. The expansive green Moores started to fill with a dense fog rolling in laying atop the grass and daisy blooms thwarting the world from being clear to the naked eye. The sounds of the tweeting birds were hushed replaced by those of owls and foxes making their way out into the forming twilight. I eagerly watched as the moon began to rise and when I saw it wholly slip beyond the horizon I knew it was confirmed. The full circle dangled in the sky with a profound red hue. I smiled wickedly blowing out my candle and heading inside my cottage. 

The first task was simple I took my glass salt jar in hand released the cover and picked up the small wooden spade I ran a line of salt across my doorstep, and then proceeded to revive each of the lines on my windowsill. 

My second task was to change into my little red velvet dress, it reached the floor with two high slits, I set my small vile necklace around me making sure it made contact with my bare skin. 

My third task was to clear the space on my floor by pushing back my table and chairs leaving space on the wooden floor, I lifted my old black and gold telephone off the shelf and set it in the centre on top of the floorboards in its usual slightly scorched place. 

Next, I began my little song singing softly to myself as I went and took a small bird from the black cage immediately it tried to bite and peck me knowing its fate, I Knelt before the phone and grabbed my cleaver in one foul swing separating its head from its body silencing its squawks The moment I did thunder cracked across the sky and the rain began harshly. I stood and used the body like a watering can to draw my pentagram from the bird's blood with the phone sitting in the centre Once done I set the body in the upper left-hand point. I collected the other items I would need from my shelf and set them out accordingly, the top point had the lock of hair from she who fell through my curse of utter sleep, and the top right point had the coins from a dead man's pocket, The bottom right point I set the ears of the village pig even if they were not a pig before they met me, and the bottom left I filled with wine, bread, and other such I had made. All the while I sang my little song. 

By now the rain was battering the house harshly attacking every element of my cottage with lightning and thunder breaking through the sounds of rain. 

I set a black weeping candle at every point of the pentagram and lit each with a new flame from the fire letting each burn down exposing the blood-red wax within. 

And as soon as the last candle was lit the blood began to glow lighting the room as the blood turned to fire around each line all of it heating and scorching the floor and the phone until each offering burnt up and disappeared.

Suddenly with a crack of thunder, the fire went out leaving me in utter darkness. 

And the phone began to ring. 

So I smiled wickedly and picked up the phone already beyond excited.

"We apologise but the particular Demon you attempted summoning today is presently unavailable or unreachable. Do remember your ritual is very important to us and we constantly try to have demons obtainable for summon at all times. Do remember Lines will be busier during peak summoning times. Please Hold while we connect you to another available servant of darkness, the current hold time is six to nine months. You are Witch 4598274 in the queue Have a Wicked Day"   

I sighed and left the phone off the hook and went about my business waiting by the window, having my tea, fixing the fire and my plants any time I had a spare moment I would check on the phone listening to the same automated message slowly but surely as the days went by the numbers slowly went down. Until finally I got through to the main office 

"Underworld summoning department, How can I direct your ritual sumance?" 

"Hi, It's y/n. Put me through to him please"

"Ohh yes Miss" she answered and immediately it clicked through and the phone answered 

"Hello?" his voice asks

"you kept me on hold for a week." 

"Ohh fuck-" Immediately he hung up 

I set the phone down and quickly my cottage got cold but I quickly felt his arms around me holding me tight as his arms wrapped around my stomach pulling me into his body his head into my shoulder leaving a firm long kiss on my cheek "I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry" He cooes 

"What the hell's been going on down there?"

"Catastrafies, global sinning, Planning the rise of the next apocalyptic wave. I've been busy baby" he says turning me to face him "I'm sorry baby you know I've missed you, if I'd know it was you I would have made them put you straight through to me"

"Ummm you always say that"

"I mean it. I need to get the boys working on a direct phone for you. can't have my little lady waiting a week to see me" he cooes giving me a little kiss 

"Ummmmmmm" I smiled hugging him tightly and nuzzling into his chest "I love you, Thomas"

"Awwww I love you too y/n" he smiled giving my head a kiss "What were you summoning me for anyway?"

"Can't I just summon you to see you?"

"You can but you don't normally summon me unless you want something?" 

"Cuddles"

"Okay baby, cuddles."

"You'll have to get back soon won't you?" I pouted

"No. I don't have to go back till I want too. so I'm gonna stay here with you" He cooes picking my chin up to look at him rubbing his nose on my own 

"You mean it?"

"I mean it. Come on I'll make you a tea and we can cuddle up by the fire" 

[eviligo-archive]

I need to hear about your complicated feelings on z I am so curious i know next to nothing about this woman

ok.

so like, first off: i am disgustingly, parasocially, insanely jealous of her. let me just get that out of the way. it is an irrational jealousy because i have zero chance of having any relationship with matt and i have no delusions otherwise. i’m 29 years old with a full time job and extensive therapy under my belt and i am FULLY aware that my infatuation with matt is at its worst borderline unhealthy. so let me just say all that up front, i am extremely self aware and if anyone reads this and wants to send me hate just know you’re not going to be telling me anything i don’t know

i do not HATE zeph, but i do not like her. my first exposure to her was the noob dude video like many other people but i know she had a career before matt. but i’m not kidding when i say that the SECOND i saw her in that video i knew they’d end up dating. call it a gut feeling. then the twitter interactions followed and i was convinced if not in denial. to be fair their interactions, and their platonic friendship, was cute. they’re both a little annoying and mentally ill and terminally online

plus, their interactions gifted me with this, which i will cherish forever

and she gave me this

which, again, i hold so near and dear to my heart. but i won’t get into why, i’m sure you can interpret it

but before they ever got together i would get recommended zeph’s tweets CONSTANTLY. all the time. and each one made me roll my eyes. i muted her long before we found out they were dating. she just annoyed the absolute shit out of me. she tried too hard to appeal to a certain crowd, you know what i mean, the twitter-brained depressed queer 20-something women/enbies. the type that make their entire personality a mitski song. but that’s ok, it’s just not for me but there’s an audience for it, whatever, she wasn’t hurting anybody. i phased her out of my timeline and got to pretend she didn’t exist for a while. it was fine.

that was really where it started. i found her really fucking annoying, and she was quickly becoming close with matt, and i was jealous.

when we found out they were dating, officially, through a stream matt did with jim and luke where he let it slip that he had a girlfriend (and we were pretty sure he and annabel had broken up at that point) of course it bothered me. i already didn’t like her. and i just kind of sat in that for a while. they weren’t exactly public with their relationship but she alluded to him constantly on her social media, both positively (talked about his big dick) and negatively

and then she posted an…instagram story? on her priv? i think. that or her one of her twitters. about how he wasn’t paying her enough attention while he was on tour, talking about how she texted him she missed him and he didn’t respond immediately but when he did he was short with her. and on another occasion she compared her bpd to owning a dog.

“Imagine you were about to get a dog, but then the dog was like "STOP: I have a million health problems and I will cost a lot at the vet. And I'll tear up all your furniture. And I'll still love you and be cute but I'll be really hard to take care of.” And then the person ignores all that and is like, "I got it," because the dog's just cute. So what I'm saying is that if I warn you from the beginning and you STILL hurt my feelings, I don't think that's a me problem anymore.”

this was within the first couple months of her relationship. and it is so, so manipulative. i can’t help but draw parallels to leighton with his bpd and lex with her mental health, and refusing to take accountability. plus, knowing what we know now, with the cheating, it really recontextualizes things. sheds some light.

like i said before, i don’t think a relationship built on a wobbly foundation of cheating and emotional manipulation will last. but on the other hand she stuck with him through the last three months, while she caught some strays too. you can’t undervalue the sort of bond that can forge. plus she gets 24/7 unrestricted access to him now, which satisfies her insecurities.

there’s other, more personal gripes. i have a problem when men trade in their girlfriends for a younger, slimmer model. i think matt falls too hard, too fast, and mistakes strong affection for love. he is not without his faults here. they both have their own shit and i think they could be a powder keg. i hate how she does her makeup and think she looks so much better without it, but i have an issue with makeup culture in general. again—this is more personal stuff.

i want to stress that i DO NOT advocate sending zeph hate, or prying into her personal life that she does not share online. she’s just a mentally ill 20-something living in california. whatever happens will happen

[afatallovesong]

Off Stage

An Ashton Irwin one shot

Fun fact: The 2 concert pics were taken by me :)

18+, Smut, NSFW, Female POV

Word Count: 3846 (first one shot i've ever written)

Usually, he came off stage and ran for a towel or a drink immediately, today he came storming right over to me instead. I assumed I’d need to assist in damage control, tell him it wasn’t as bad of a show as he thought it was, that he looked pretty good from back here, that there was nothing to get upset about. Sometimes he did get upset, it was his craft and sometimes it didn’t go to plan. He never listened of course, knowing his own ability far better than I ever could but it usually helped ease him. 

Today he seemed as if there was something else on his mind. He came right over, his large hand wrapping around my wrist. Pulling me off to the side. A similar way to how a parent would if they wanted to tell you off in public, isolating you just enough so they can voice they’re anger but not enough to draw attention. I couldn’t help but stand and wonder what I’d done wrong, no longer worried about his performance. 

We stood to the far end of the dressing room, right against the wall. My eyes flicked over to his bands mates, piling in, grabbing drinks, we weren’t in their head space at all. I bought my hand up to rest on his bare bicep. “Is everything okay?” He seemed to look down at where I’d touched him, striking him into silence. His jaw clenched and then unclenched, all while remaining focused on my fingers wrapping around his arm. I too now locked eyes on how we connected, his veins pumping, throbbing even. Sometimes I forgot how muscly he was, then he’d come of stage, muscles rippling under his shirt, making me salivate at the sight. 

“We need to go.” Was all he said. He’d paused to check my face for any signs of objection but once he didn’t find any, he pulled me by the arm out of the room, yelling a goodbye back to the crew and guys as we went, clearly in a hurry. I couldn’t do anything but follow as he marched us outside, back to the buses. He’d practically flown up the stairs, throwing his towel down on the couch before pulling me right into him. “Jesus Ash, what’s biting you?“ I tried to shove him off, knowing just how little strength I had against him. Despite his abruptness, I wasn’t fazed, he didn’t intimidate me, there was nothing sinister in the way he acted, he just needed something and whether it was venting or squeezing me, I didn’t know but I was going to be here for him regardless.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, he wrapped me in a tight embrace too. I leant back in his arms, enough so I could look up, analyse his mood, see if he was anymore settled now that we were completely alone. “What’s up?” He looked down, his expression had softened, there was still a hint of something sharper, but it was far less concerning. He tucked some of my hair behind my ear before cradling my face in his hand. “I just needed you.” I stared at him for the longest time, that was all. “I’m right here, I’ve been right here.” He shook his head, smiling to himself. “I know, I know, I just, sometimes it hits me you know?” I had to laugh. “Not really no.” He’d rolled his eyes at me, obviously I knew I wasn’t getting his point. “Sometimes it hits me that even in a crowded arena, you’re the only person I see.” I needed a lifetime to savour those words. “Thought you never made eye contact with anyone, too busy moving rhythmically.” He loathed it when I used his words against him, mostly because I stole them from tweets. 

He sealed his sweet words with a searing kiss, half to shut me up I assumed. He knocked the wind out of me nonetheless He was so needy. He kissed me like his life had depended on it, like his whole life lead up to this moment and when he finally pulled away I was star struck. “Fucking hell Ash.” He was so smiley, his face lit up brighter than any lights on the stage tonight, his mood has completely shifted, like something had suddenly dawned on him. “Saw you out there, dancing n shit.” He pecked my lip briefly. “Losing yourself with the girls.” And again. “Could watch you dance all night.” I started nodding, urging him to continue, fascinated by his accounts of me. “Just wanted to be down there with you” He let his hands drift, no longer cupping my face but wandering down to my hips. “And the way you looked at me, I saw you, I felt it.” I almost felt embarrassed, I never took my eyes off of him when he performed, even with his bastard drum kit blocking most of him, he had me fixated. “How did I look at you?” I quizzed, he chuckled. “Like you wanted to rip my fucking clothes off.” I scoffed in response. “You wish.” He nodded. “Only second of every day.” 

He leant in to kiss me, this time lingering a moment, just looking into my eyes before closing in. I stood on my tiptoes pushing into him. His words had made me so mushy, so happy, I wanted to show him how much it meant to hear it. I kissed him with passion, gently reaching up to caress his cheeks. He grabbed onto my hips, dragging them closer. “Want you.” He said, pushing his forehead into mine. “Yeah?“ I was so dazed I’d barely processed it, but he was already fiddling with the bottom of my 5SOS band shirt. “Can I?” As if he even needed to ask. 

I let him remove it, tearing it from my body leaving just my bra behind. His hands instantly cupped my breasts, not spearing a moment to adore them. He latched his mouth back onto mine, kissing me harder, nose crashing right up against my own. I reached for his tank top, lifting it as much as I could before letting him pull away to remove the rest. He never failed to steal my breath away. His bare chest just weakened me, I had to touch him, run my hands over his broadness before running them down his torso. I felt him shudder under my palm. “Wanna go in the back?“ I nodded quickly, remembering how big the windows were where we were stood. 

He raced to the back of the bus while I grabbed our shirts, not too keen to leave evidence behind if the others were to come back any time soon. When I hopped down to join Ash, he’d pulled me right back into him by the hand, my almost bare chest colliding with his. His tongue made its way into my mouth, exploring it delicately. He let his hands wander down my hips and then behind me, landing a rough smack on my backside, drawing a gasp from my lips. The moment my mouth parted, he tugged my bottom lip between his teeth, knowing just how intensely I’d moan in response. 

He kept kissing me, his hands kept roaming, never tiring of touching me, feeling me as if it was the first time. I wanted to give back, I wanted to help him along. I was so wet already, from the moment he’d grabbed my wrist back stage. “I wanna suck you off.” I begged into his lips, I felt him smirking, “Please.” He kissed me a few more times, savouring it before he’d have to separate. “You know I can’t say no to that.” He smiled, pecking me once more before moving to rid himself of his tight jeans, his underwear too. 

I watched him from where I stood, just admiring the god that he was. He just looked incredible. He was large in every sense of the word. His shoulders and chest broad, his arms muscular and strong, fingers long and way too easy to fixate upon. His thighs were thick, calves too, I slot between them so fast, falling to my knees. Just like the rest of him, his cock was undeniably huge. He was thick all the way along from base to tip, his veins were prominent and pulsating, he’d no doubt been tight against his jeans the entire set, by the looks of things. His tip was red, angry and wet with his arousal. He was so hard he looked painfully tight. 

Ash looked down at me with adoration before I’d even started, eyes not clouded with lust just yet but instead filled with love. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip before pushing forward, standing on my knees to get up close to him. I took him in my hands, barely able to cover his length in its entirety with just one hand alone, and I leant to lick sweetly at the gleaming droplets slipping from his tip. I savoured the taste, sucking it sweetly into my mouth. I knew he’d held his breath, he loved the soft touches of my tongue, the teasing sensation of little licks up and down his length. Even if they didn’t stimulate him in a way that would help his release, the sensation and the visual alone was weakening. 

He reached out to cup my cheek as I licked over him, taking my time, adoring him at my own little pace. I switched it up, starting to kiss and suck along him, dragging it out as long as possible, humming over his skin before he bucked his hips, no longer being satisfied with the lack of direct attention. I knowingly sucked his tip into my mouth, saving him from more teasing, sending his head flying back. I licked around his swollen tip, moaning along it when I tasted more of his precum. He sighed under me. I used it to push myself further, taking more of his length into my mouth before pulling back up, not releasing him completely. I repeated the motion, tucking him further into my mouth, taking more of him, before releasing him and repeating the process again. “So good.” He sighed. I took him further, every time he praised me I pushed him deeper. “Fuck baby,” I pushed him right the way down my throat, “just like that, oh my god,” right until I felt the tight squeeze, the inability to breathe, right until I couldn’t take him anymore, wanting to gag so desperately but not even having the room to contract around him. I had to use my hand to catch the parts of him I couldn’t fit into my mouth. I then rocked my hand against him at the same time my mouth took a hold of him. Using them both to my advantage, giving him the best of me.

I sucked his length, pulling off him with an accidental pop, moving to kiss down to the base before sucking his balls into my mouth. “Shit.” He cursed. I continued paying them attention, rocking my hand over his cock while my lips gave him attention elsewhere. “Please baby, wanna fuck your mouth.” He shifted his hips, fucking my hand to emphasise his words. I switched positions, opening my mouth around his cock, taking him steadily down my throat a few times, bobbing my head up and down, sucking and slurping, coating him with spit. I sucked his length, humming over him when I took him, thoroughly enjoying the control I had for just a moment longer until I was stilled, ready for him to come through, fucking up into my mouth, pushing my head down over him at the pace he wanted. Where I’d not been able to take his full length before, Ashton had now rectified that, pushing my head down close enough to him that my nose had brushed against his pelvis. My hands clawed at his thighs as he stilled me there, I felt tears brimming in my eyes at the fullness of my throat, his cock causing a bulge in my neck. I couldn’t breathe, vision getting cloudy, tears beginning to pour down my cheeks, all while he kept forcing himself deeper. I didn’t quit, I knew I could, I knew he’d let me if it was too much, but I didn’t stop, I held myself together for him. Just a few more seconds and he released me completely letting me finally take in the oxygen I was just deprived of. 

He used the pause to check if I was okay, wiping my tears, watching me intensely. I forced myself back down on him, not finished with him yet. “Such a cock slut for me.” He almost laughed. I moaned around him, spitting down him, coating his length. I jerked him off, wrapping my lips around his tip, rocking up and down, twisting my hand subtly across his length. “Look so pretty baby.” I looked up at him, keeping up with my movements. “Fucking gorgeous.” I took him deep down my throat, still watching him intently. “My fucking girl, so good with her mouth.” My heart fluttered, I loved when he called me his girl. I was born to be his girl. “Bet you’re soaked for me too.” I groaned in response, all too aware of the mess in my underwear, soaked through to the point where I knew there was a damp spot in my jeans. “Want me to help you out baby?” I nodded onto him, still not making a move away. “Let me take care you of.” I sighed, giving into my own needs, finally sitting back on my knees. 

I took a moment to catch my breath before going to stand, knees buckling beneath me. Ash reached out to steady my hips, before pulling me back between his legs. He looked up at me from his seat, sucking in a breath at the sight of me stood over him. He placed soft and tender kiss across my stomach, over to my hips and back again, scratching over my skin with his stubble, while loosening my belt. He tugged my jeans down, still leaving hot kisses trailing down my body, the more that was exposed, the more he had to cover in hot kisses. 

He only separated us so I could step out of the rest of my clothes, jeans and underwear now left in a pile on the floor. “Come lie down baby.” He rubbed the couch next to him for me to take my place on. I sat down, bringing my legs up, knees pressed up against my chest. Ashton manoeuvred himself so that he was facing me, kneeling on the couch. He dipped down to place a kiss on both of my knees before sliding his hands between my legs, nudging them apart in order for him to slide between them. He hovered himself over me, leaning his bodyweight on top of mine, still supporting most of his weight with his knees. 

He lay over me, hands on either side of my head, looking down into my eyes before kissing me. I kissed him willingly wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer, where he tried not to force his weight on me before, he now had no choice but to press right up against me. He was always so worried he’d crush me, since he was so strong, but I loved his weight on me, he could never hurt me like he feared he would, it was more comforting than anything. His whole body pressed into mine, his cock now pushed against my stomach. I couldn’t wait to feel him inside of me. 

Ash continued to kiss me, grinding down into me as we went, giving himself more without having to drag himself away. I reached between us to take him in my hand, but he shook his head, kissing me one last time before leaning back up on his knees, towering above me. “Ready?” He didn’t dare to move until I nodded my agreement. When I granted him permission he took his cock in his hand, rubbing his head carefully over my slit, dragging it up and down, almost dipping in but then retreating again. He had to edge himself further, forcing his self-control to its absolute limit. I found myself whimpering beneath him, wiggling my hips, hoping he’d get the picture before he finally dipped his tip into me, just past the threshold, just an inch. I already felt the throbbing around him, I was slick and ready to take him, and he knew that but he deprived me, leaving me with no choice but to clench down on what little he’d given me . “Needed me too huh?” He chuckled upon his observation. I wanted to roll my eyes, reprimand him for teasing me but I didn’t want to be denied more contact. I kept my thoughts to myself, letting him make the call, hoping he had a matter of urgency about it.

He sank into me bit by bit, once guiding his cock with his hand, now freely pushing into me without that assistance, choosing to run his hands up and down my thighs instead. He didn’t sink in until his base, I took him half way before he retreated, dragging his hips backwards before plunging inwards again, still holding back. He rocked his hips steadily, watching where our bodies connected, admiring the way he filled me, how I looked wrapped around him. “Feel good?” He asked without even looking, I found myself mindlessly nodding, even though I wanted more from him.  “Wanna take more?” I nodded erratically. “Course you do baby.”  

He leaned back down, chest pressing against mine as he thrust steadily into me, pushing in further than before. I wrapped my thighs tightly around his hips. His lips found mine as he rut his hips harsher, skin starting to slap against mine. I started to grab at his shoulders, steadying myself, clutching onto him while he quickened the pace. Ashton was pounding into me, his cock reaching a full depth inside of me, pressing right up against my cervix, not uncomfortably but enough to let me know how easy it would be for him to cause some damage. He started drawing his hips back further, pumping in and out of me more, exiting almost completely before bottoming out inside of me and repeating the process. I felt myself starting to clench around him and that’s when he decided to switch it up, knowing exactly what I needed when I needed it. Ashton lifted my hips, bringing them up off the couch to meet his thrusts. The angle allowed his cock to tilt upwards, brushing against my g-spot leaving me to crumble around him. “Fuck, Ash.” Where I was in bliss before, wanting it to last forever, I was now convulsing around him, squeezing down, feeling his veins stroking my walls, stimulating my insides. “Going to cum for me?” I hadn’t thought I’d been close, soaked for him of course but close? I thought I had time left, but Ashton knew my body better than I did, knew what I liked just from the way I felt on him, and he was never wrong.

He kept at it, not changing any movements now that he felt me nearing my climax, knowing just how detrimental a change of pace would be at this stage, not wanting to deprive me of a finish, partially because he wanted me to feel good but also because he knew he could finish himself if he’d let me go first. Ash almost always came right after I did. My fluttering walls around him, the way I soaked his cock, he loved it, he used it, it drove him insane, and I loved that my pleasure could bring him towards a climax of his own. I truly didn’t deserve him. 

Just a few more thrusts and a sweet kiss and I was losing myself, crying out into his mouth. He wrapped my legs around him tighter, forcing himself to bury his cock as far as he could inside of me. He drew his lips from mine, staring down into my eyes “feel fucking amazing, squeezing down on me” his forehead slick with sweat, resting against my own. I parted my lips into a shape you could only describe as an “o” I felt my walls tugging at his length as I came on his cock. He’d stilled himself inside of me to feel it all with no added distraction, nothing but the way I felt cumming on him to stir him. He started twitching inside of me, I took it upon myself to clamp down, try and tug him, milking a release from him. He covered my lips with his own, spilling his load inside of me with a heavy grunt and a twitch of his hips. “Yes baby, fill me up.” He whimpered and whined, rutting his hips pouring every last drop of cum he had into me. 

I kissed him passionately, stroking his hair, helping him come down, relaxing and easing him to the best of my ability. “I love you so much Ashton.” He smiled, finally looking at me again, seeing me again. “I love you.” He kissed me softly, squeezing my thighs in his palm to encourage the sentiment. “Feeling better now rockstar?“ I teased. “Mmm, much better.” He grinned. “So lucky to have you here.” I kissed the tip of his nose. “I meant what I said.” I wasn’t sure exactly what he’d been referring to, after so many words passed between us this evening, as if he knew what was on my mind, he continued. “You’re the only one I see out there.” He kissed me hard. “Only one I ever wanna see, for the rest of my life.” He was always so sentimental after sex; I knew not to take it too seriously. He just wanted to appreciate me more in those moments, the afterglow. “Only one for me.” I giggled at him gushing away.

“No one else should even turn up huh?“ He shook his head in agreement. “Don’t need em, only you.” I fake gasped. “All the Irwin girlies got to stay home?” He nodded, “You’re the only Irwin I want.” I went to speak, “You’re the only Irwin there Ash,” he cut me off, “not indefinitely.” He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously. I raised my eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Wedding fever got you too?“ He nuzzled his face into my chest, now wrapping his arms around me, linking them under my back. “Maybe not quite, can’t put a ring on me yet.” I rolled my eyes, “Wasn’t aware I was the one proposing.” He laughed against my skin. “Shh, technicalities, you will.” He was probably right; I’d always said I’d enjoy being the one to pop the question if the chance ever came but that didn’t mean I was going to be. 

[cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc]

Matching minecraft skins!

Request: okay okay, hear me out...asking the dream team (maybe extra smp members👀) for matching minecraft skins?? only if you have time!!

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Pairing: Dream, GeorgenotFound, Sapnap & BadBoyHalo x Reader (separate)

Summary: Asking the Dream Team if they want to wear matching skins :3

Author’s note: this made my heart meeelttt  (´^ ｀♡) thank u so much for requesting this! (i might make a part 2 this is so cute) - enjoy!

Author’s note pt.2: Sorry this took so long, school stuff came in the way :(

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Dream:

- You and Dream were in a discord call together playing games when the idea suddenly popped into your head

- “Clay, do you want to wear matching minecraft skins?”

- “OH MY GOD”

- He loved the idea

- Aggressively grabbed his phone and went to twitter

- “does anyone know a good minecraft skin artist? i need some help here” 

- After a few minutes he found one and commissioned them 2 matching skins

- The next day he woke up and he got a DM saying the skins were ready

- He hopped on his computer and sent your skin to you

- After both equipping the skin you two decided to join the SMP 

- “Hello everyone! Look! We match!”

- Tommy and Quackity started making fun of you immediately

- Bad and Tubbo found it very cute

- Overall, a very cute and wholesome stream (❁´◡`❁)

GeorgenotFound:

- You were just scrolling through your phone when you saw something absolutely adorable

- It was a fan who made matching minecraft skins for you and George

- You texted him and asked him if he wanted to wear them

- he responded quite fast

- He loved the idea

- You both equipped it and went into a server 

- He made screenshot and posted it to twitter

- It went completely viral

- Tommy, being the child he is, called it gross

- Tubbo replied agreeing with him and Will told them both to shut up

- Dream was very jealous and asked George if he wanted to match as well

- George just replied with “No”

- Sapnap wouldn’t let him forget it for weeks

- It’s now one of his most liked tweets ever

Sapnap:

- You were hanging out with Sapnap at home when you saw fanart of you and him with matching outfits

- You showed him and he started smiling

- “We look really good in those clothes together, babe”

- An idea sprung into your head

- “Wouldn’t it be fun to have matching minecraft skins?”

- He gave it a thought for a second and got very giggly

- “Oooh~ That would be so cute, let’s do that”

- After searching for a little bit you found a skin that perfectly matched each other

- Sapnap got giddy with excitement

- “C’mon we have to put them on!” He tugged at your am and sped to his computer

- You jumped on a different computer he had and both equipped the skins

- After fooling around in game you guys decided to call Karl and Quackity to see their reaction

- They both picked up and Sapnap told them what you two did

- Karl found it very cute and really wanted to see

- Quackity started fake crying and accusing him of cheating

- Real talk, they thought it was cute

BadBoyHalo:

- He loves it when people draw fanart of you and him together

- He stalks you two’s shipname hashtag 24/7

- So when you asked him if he wanted matching skins he was estatic

- He already knew what artists to go to and basically threw his money at them

- When the artists were done he called you and told you to check Discord

- He sent you the file and you both equipped your skins

- When he first saw you with the skin he melted

- “Muffin! You look so cute!!”

- He decided to ask some people for their thoughts 

- He asked Skeppy first

- Bad idea

- “How could you, Bad?!”

- “I’m in a relationship!”

- “I thought we had something!”

- Queue a lot of bickering from both of them

- He asked Dream and George what they thought

- They both thought it was very cute

- “Hey Dream, do you wanna do this together?”

- “Hell yeah”

- They both pulled up in matching skins they next day

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Thank you for reading! Make sure you take care for yourself and your friends/family if you haven’t already today ! (♡ ⸂ ◡ ⸂♡)

m.list

[mewberii]

Streamer!Scaramouche AU

i feel like he’d be one of the biggest streamers on his platform- probably one of those that everyone has heard of even if they’re not into watching livestreams and all

but between those who do know who he is, they either love him or hate him. no in-between

it’s kind of understandable because his attitude is not suited/can be handled by anyone

he’s brutally honest even when his opinion may be seen as rude (to him he’s just saying the truth so he doesn’t mind if people get offended)

of course he doesn’t try to be rude on purpose but i mean it as in he’ll say what he thinks

imagine he’s playing a game and he doesn’t like a certain mechanic, or he isn’t enjoying the story;

he won’t say the game is bad but he’ll openly say he doesn’t like it/it’s not for him. it makes him seem strict but tbh he’s not that hard to please and even when he complains about one or two things he still enjoys the game

he usually gives every game a chance even when from what he’s seen it doesn’t sound like a game he’ll like. if he turns out to be right he just won’t play it again and if he’s wrong he’s a little too prideful to admit he spoke a little too fast but in the end he will admit the game is good or he’s having fun

probably the kind that just knows so much about all games and all the creators and all the game-making engines and is up to date with every single news of everything video-game + streaming-related,,, how does he do it, i don’t know,,,,

and also since he’s so popular he probably gets packages from game developers with limited edition stuff or merch from different games soooo often

and he placed the ones from his favorite games in his setup room and it looks INCREDIBLE he has so much stuff

he did a room tour stream once talking about all he has, where he got everything, from his monitor to every complement of his computer and like,,,,, the cost of his setup,,,,,,, some people already know they’ll never be able to afford that in their entire life

and he already had a great setup before he even became big as a streamer so people can already guess he’s fairly rich 

also i feel like he would have started his career as a streamer without using a facecam and even like that, he already managed to get very popular because of his professional commentary of game dynamics/playability + you can tell that he’s passionate about this and also he’s very funny without even trying??

he says some stuff so casually that he doesn’t realise how funny it is

probs showed his face after he hit a very important milestone

he never considered showing his face that important but he understood why people would want to see his reactions when playing games (even tho he warned them he’s not the most expressive/dramatique person in the world and they know by now) and would want to put a face to the person who entertains them so much with his streams

and when he does show his face people go absolutely cRAZY BECAUSE he is crazy good looking (if you don’t think he’s good looking i’m sorry for your eyesight. jk i’m sorry in general i just really love him)

some people who didn’t watch his streams will even check them out because of that but literally if you come for the visuals only you won’t stay for long because as i said not anyone can handle his personality

if he sees people being superficial about him too much instead of paying attention to what’s happening in the stream, he will immediately turn the subs mode on in the chat (if he didn’t have it on already)

being rude, being disrespectful/saying discriminating stuff or anything of that sort won’t be tolerated and anyone who does it will be banned instantly

without even interrupting what he was saying before he saw the comment, he’ll just type the ban to whoever said that and go on

and his mods do the exact same. they are just as strict as him

if it ever got too much of course he wouldn’t be afraid to speak up about it and tell his chat to stop that behaviour or else, as they should already know, he won’t be afraid of banning them even if they’ve been subscribed for months or years

ANYWAYS

why do i feel like he has a super organised chat— as in instead of spamming 5 emotes per comment they all send just one and it looks so tidy and perfect

literally other streamers would be jealous of how not-messy his chat is even when he has thousands and thousands and thousands of viewers all the time

also i have this idea that maybe any of his fans would have designed him as a genshin character (which would be the design of the scaramouche we know (?))

and the little pop-ups (i don’t know the name in english rIP) thingies that show up to notify when someone subscribed or donated would be lil chibi art of that design

it’d be really cool

and since i also doodled what a stream of his could look like (i’ll show it in the future when i’m done!!) i thought that way it’d be more recognisable that the streamer is scaramouche

99% of the people who have seen him irl found him too intimidating to go ask him for a picture or tell him anything

he’s not a huge fan of taking pictures anyway + is more on the introverted/reserved side but he wouldn’t mind if someone went up to him (if he’s not busy with something) to tell him something or say they enjoy his streams

i feel like in a couple occasions he would have played a game with some subscribers and he’d like to tease them speaking with his usual tone and face (in case they’re watching the stream as they talk) so they think he’s serious

“did you watch my 12 hour stream the other day?”  -scaramouche

“ah,,,, i-” -the sub

“think well of what you’re going to answer.” -scaramouche

“i-i couldn’t watch the whole thing,,,” -the sub

“ah, is that so…?” -scaramouche 

he’ll pretend to sound disappointed but at one point he just can’t help but smirk and hold in a chuckle before telling them he’s not serious

(he literally doesn’t know how the hell he survived that stream himself because he isn’t one to stream for that long)

i feel like deep inside people who know him would know he wouldn’t say such things seriously/wouldn’t be disappointed in anyone for not watching every single minute of his streams or not even all his streams

but he says all that so seriously that it’s,,, intimidating and they’re lowkey like “god but what if he’s not joking-”

he’d play games with the other streamers sometimes but i feel like most of the type he’d play more single-player games

it’d be so funny if he plays among us with others and for example one of those others it’s childe

both of them would always be suspecting of the other first/bickering, especially scaramouche

and if one game turns out they’re both the impostors… people would know right away

like, if any of them tried to defend the other, everyone else would be like “!?! what is this? scaramouche and childe defending each other? scary”

they’d vote one of them (maybe scaramouche) out because they started guessing + saying proof of how both of them could be the impostors (but the biggest proof is them not coming for each other’s throats sNKJFNGKJS)

scaramouche would have to resist the urge to S C R E A M

needless to say he doesn’t like when he has to be impostor with childe

and unfortunately for him, fate makes it happen considerably often

i feel like at least one time scaramouche would kill next to childe and then report it and literally blame childe

and childe would be like ?!?!?!?!?? WHAT- NO- (struggles bc his brain instinct is to say ‘it was you!’ but they’re both the impostors??? how-)

and then they’d eject childe,,, and then people wouldn’t suspect of scaramouche for most of the game because ? why would he- blame his partner---

well he did it with no regrets and at the end when they all found out they found it very funny (except for childe, but even he ended up laughing in the end because what a mean strategy sjkfhdsgkj)

i have this feeling that even though they bicker so much and for any strangers it’d seem like they hate each other, when scaramouche does play online games, many times it’d be with childe?

ik they aren’t supposed to get along but for the sake of it being a modern au i don’t want bad vibes between any of the characters pls-

and everyone enjoys their dynamic and those streams always get a ton of viewers sjfhdsgkj and i’m sure both their chats would be good friends (most likely one’s fans would also be a fan of the other too)

very very very rarely (because he prefers just playing and talking while playing) he’d do streams where he doesn’t play anything but just talks with the chat, watches videos that they send him, looks at the fanart they make, just talks about games,,,,

it’d be super chill and the perfect streams for people to be doing homework/work/play games/draw or do basically anything while they listen to his stream in the background

he’d also be answering some of people’s questions about him or about his favorite games, or if he’s playing this new game that came out earlier this week,,,

“will you play ‘it takes two’ with childe?” -someone in the chat

“absolutely not. i won’t play a co-op game with him”

not even 5 days later, tweet from childe saying “streaming in 30 minutes! Scaramouche and I will be playing It Takes Two on my ch---”

anyways this will be all!! (for now?) i obviously knew genshin before this but, yesterday i could finally start playing it myself! so i feel like if not now, soon i will also write headcanons of him playing genshin! i don’t take requests but if you guys have any ideas or anything you want to say about this AU, send me an ask!! i’d love to talk about this and about genshin in general!

also, i was very inspired to write this by @baeshijima​ ! so thank you very much to her for her wonderful streamer AUs and if anyone reading this hasn’t read hers already, go check them out!! they’re amazing!!

[homieswithhades]

why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

[gay-jewish-bucky]

Thinking abt how, if I had gone to see Infinity War with 0 prior understanding of the movies/fandom, during Steve and Bucky's reunion scene in Wakanda I would 100% have turned to my friend and whispered, "wait- when did captain america get a boyfriend!??!?!"

Ok but this was actually me?? I had only seen like the first iron man movie and black panther by the time infinity war came out (don’t ask how I was able to avoid the mcu for THAT long lol) but when I saw Steve and Bucky in infinity war I was legitimately like… are they… you know… 👀🏳️‍🌈 lmao but that was literally the start of my journey into the mcu and stevebucky in general. I immediately got home after that, binged the cap trilogy, became obsessed and but even more CONFUSED as to why it took me so long to get into them, but now it’s been 4 years now I’m still here 😭

OMG!!!!!! I knew there had to be a handful of people out there who experienced this!!! i'm so excited, i've been tweeting for months, saying that there has to be at least one person out there who came away from iw with that impression and i'm so excited i've found one of you that's amazing omg!!!!

and yeah omg steve and bucky are one of those ships that get into your bones and draw you in forever, there is just something special and unique about them and their love that captures you.

[hockey-fics]

2 from the kissing prompt list and 5 from the smutty prompt list with Crosby or Tito please!

This is 2 from the kissing prompt list with Crosby. I’ll add 5 with Tito to my list!

Prompt: Kiss in the middle of a fight

A/N: never used someone else’s gif before but huge thank you to the person who made that one, I know how much effort goes into making gifs 

Warnings: argument (obviously), language, and an age gap. 

Four years. 

Four years since your first date. 

When he took you for dinner at a restaurant that was way out of your budget and your comfort zone. Because you were barely 20, a college student living in a rundown apartment with bars on the window and three locks on the front door. And he was almost 30, making more money than you could even wrap your head around, living in an apartment on the side of town you only fantasized about living in. 

But as soon as you were with him that night all your worries subsided. And when you saw the drink menu, hesitating at the prices, Sidney made a casual comment to order whatever you wanted. And when you excused yourself to the bathroom towards the end of the night Sidney paid for the bill while you were gone, not even giving you the chance to have to worry about splitting it. He drove you home that night and parked his car, walking you to your door and waiting till you were securely in your apartment before leaving. 

You never would have admitted it then but you fell in love with him that night. 

But it wasn’t always easy. Because he was almost a full ten years older than you. You were at different points in your life. For the most part it wasn’t an issue, you were mature for your age and he was accepting of the fact that occasionally you did just want to go out and party with your friends. But there were comments, from your family, from his family, from your friends, hell, even the media seemed to have an opinion on your relationship. You saw the tweets, the Instagram comments. You tried your best to pretend you didn’t, but even though he tried to avoid it as much as he could he was in the spotlight and it was inevitable. 

You moved in together three years after you got together, you settled in with him easily. And in the beginning you thought maybe the flood of happiness you felt waking up every morning in a bed that the two of you shared would fade, but it didn’t. You figured at some point cooking dinner together in your kitchen would become routine, but every time he wrapped his arms around your waist while you were preparing dinner or he would step between your legs while you sat on the counter placing his large hands on your thighs, you were just as overcome with joy as the very first time. 

Your whole life you never believed in soulmates. People just found someone they clicked with and made it work. But when you met Sid all those thoughts changed. Because you never met anyone who made you feel the way he did, not a single friend or ex could compete with the overwhelming happiness and comfort that Sid brought you. 

When your family was having a reunion there wasn’t any hesitation in your mind over Sidney coming. Sure, you weren’t married, he wasn’t technically a part of the family. But it really only felt like a formality at this point, that piece of paper. 

So you and Sid packed a suitcase for the three nights you were going to be away, giddy with excitement at getting to introduce Sid to your entire family. He had met your close family on so many occasions, but it was the distant relatives, cousins you yourself had only met a few times, that could get to meet him now. 

Of course Sid splurged, getting a suite in one of the nicest hotels in the area. You told him it wasn’t necessary, that the two of you would be busy, wouldn’t be there that often anyway. But he insisted. 

The second night you two got ready for an afternoon barbecue with your entire family. Your aunt and uncle had rented space at a local country club, a large outdoor gazebo, lawn space for the younger kids to play on. It was all gearing up to be a great afternoon. 

“What if I can’t remember someone’s name? Should we have a codeword or something?” Sid asks, voice hushed and panicked as you walk along beside him, hand in hand towards where your parents had told you to meet everyone. 

Coming to a stop you tug him to face you. “Stop worrying. This is supposed to be fun. Everyone is going to love you.”

And perhaps you shouldn’t have been so confident, an egregious error in assuming you knew your distant family well enough to make that statement. Because by the time dinner is over and a few drinks have been poured the conversations seemed to be taking a turn you weren’t expecting. 

“So, Sid,” your uncle Max says, drawing the attention of you and Sid along with the rest of the group that was sitting around one of the large outdoor tables. “How old are you again?”

Sid clears his throat and you reach over, grasping for his hand beneath the table. “Thirty-three,” he tells him with a nervous formality of being interrogated by the police. 

“And Y/N, darling, correct me if I’m wrong but you’re twenty-two?” You Aunt chimes in. 

“Twenty-three,” you correct, with a force smile. “Almost twenty-four,” you add quickly, immediately regretting it, cringing internally at the childish way it had come across, trying to prove yourself to be older. 

“Sid, you’ve never had any kids? No ex-wives?” Max asks, prodding questions he had no right to be asking when he had barely even asked about the mundane facts of Sid’s life. 

“No,” Sid replies, a defensive edge to his tone. 

“Hm,” Max hums, picking up his drink and taking a rather large swig. “Didn’t want any…or?”

“I…uh,” Sid stammers, rarely at a loss for words but now unable to form a simple sentence. 

“We’re thinking about it,” you suddenly chime in. You feel Sid’s eyes on you, wide and confused. It wasn’t like you two hadn’t talked about it before. In fact, you had talked about it on a number of occasions. Early on in the relationship it came up as a general question ‘do you want kids?’. As things got more serious is became more clear that when you two were picturing having kids it was together. Discussing how you wanted to raise your kids, how many you wanted. And you had been thinking about it, just hadn’t brought it up to Sid that you were starting to think maybe you were getting close to being ready. 

“Oh, hunny, you’re so young and he-,” you aunt begins, trailing off as she glances over at Sid. 

You can feel your emotions building, rage coursing through your veins. “Like I said, we’re thinking about it. I know it’s a big decision.” With that you shut down the conversation, pushing your chair back and watching Sid follow suit, walking with you away from the table. Neither of you say anything till you get back to the car you were renting for the weekend, needing to get away from it all for a few minutes. Hot, angry tears filling your eyes. 

“I’m sorry.”

You stare up at Sid, blinking away your tears as you try to put together what he was talking about. “You’re sorry? Sorry for what? That’s my asshole family, I’m the one who needs to be apologizing to you.”

“But this wouldn’t be happening with another guy,” Sid says, holding both your hands in his. “You shouldn’t need to be standing up for me like that. They’re also your family and I can’t put you in the position of needing to be at odds with them for a relationship.”

“What are you saying?” You ask, shaking your head as you pull your hands back from his, using one to wipe away a few tears before crossing them over your chest. 

“I don’t know,” Sid admits, looking around as he takes a deep breath. “Maybe we…you and I-.”

“No,” you interject, shaking your head. “If you think my family’s opinions are going to change how I feel about you, about us, then you’re a fucking idiot, Sidney. I love you…so much. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you because you make me happier than anyone has ever made me, I’m the best version of myself when I’m with you and I’m never going to let that go because someone thinks you’re a few years too old for me or whatever other bullshit people will criticize us about. And I really thought you felt as sure about this as I do, so-.”

Suddenly Sid is stepping closer, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. It’s soft and tender and filled with a thousand words he hadn’t spoken out loud. Your arms fall from across your chest to around his shoulders, letting him pull you closer. “Marry me,” he whispers against your lips. 

You’re silent for a second, pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. “What?” 

“Marry me,” he repeats. “I have the ring already, I’ve been thinking about asking you for months but it never felt like the perfect moment and this sure as hell isn’t the perfect moment either but I can’t wait any longer. Because I do feel as sure about this as you do and you need to know that now.”

You have tears in your eyes again as you stare up at Sid, only able to nod in response for a minute. “Of course I want to marry you,” you finally whisper, your arms wrapped tight around him. 

[atths--twice]

The Three Words We Should Have Heard

Mulder is leaving the hospital after his resurrection and the atmosphere is tense. How will they move past this moment and return to how they were before?

I saw a tweet from a friend a few days ago and it got the wheels turning. I had to write a little something to fill the "what the car ride home from the hospital must have been like in Three Words."

I know, of course, that for most MSR Philes, we saw the title and immediately thought of something else. But, this show is not the one that does that, not the way we may want to see it. It cloaks it in looks between them and roundabout conversations.

Well, that's not what fanfic is about. 😊 So... hope you enjoy this story.

Scully stood in Mulder’s hospital room as she waited for him to change, rubbing her stomach and feeling a sense of equal parts happiness and sadness.

He was alive. Recovering… quite quickly and wholly, to everyone’s surprise. Yet… he was not himself.

Can you blame him? she thought, shaking her head. You were gone. You know how it feels. Well…

She looked at the bathroom door and sighed, knowing what he had been through was very different from her own experience. All she had to do was look at him to see it. His scars, though healing, made her heart ache.

“You okay in there?” she asked softly, stepping closer to the door.

“Uh… yeah. Just a bit a slow,” he said, his tone flat and she sighed, her eyes closing briefly.

“Do you… do you need any help?” she asked hopefully. He was silent and then the door unlocked, the sound of it like a knife in her heart.

How many times had he changed in front of her? Stripping down, without giving it a thought, as she had turned around to give him some privacy.

But this time he had not only left the room, he had locked the door. And they had been the only ones in the room.

Jesus…

The door opened and he stared at her, his shirt halfway on and his pants unbuttoned.

“I uh… guess my fingers didn’t seem to get the memo about healing.” He tried to joke, but it fell flat as he sighed and looked down, shaking his head.

The scars on his chest took her breath away for a second, but stepping toward him, she forced herself to smile and helped him get his other arm in and pulled his shirt down. He sighed again as she buttoned and zipped his jeans, her hands moving to his hips for a second. He raised his eyes, looking at her, and the empty sadness in them made her want to weep.

“I don’t know if I can do the shoes.”

“I can help-”

“Scully, no. You’re…” She stared at him and he was unable to maintain eye contact, moving to the bed and pressing the call button for the nurse. He did not look at her as they waited for the nurse to arrive, her hand on her stomach as the baby rolled inside of her, as though sensing that something was off.

The door opened and a nurse came in with a smile, Scully unable to reciprocate it, as Mulder explained quietly about his shoes. The nurse nodded and grabbed the socks and shoes, helping him to put them on and then tying them for him.

The baby moved sharply, and she swallowed a cry, not wanting to draw attention to herself. But out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mulder’s head turn toward her, before turning away again.

The nurse helped with his jacket and to gather any items he had, which were not many. They were placed in his bag and then the nurse left to get a wheelchair, despite his protests.

“I don’t need a goddamn wheelchair,” Mulder said as the nurse left, sighing deeply.

“Standard hospital policy,” Scully said quietly and he shook his head. “Plus you couldn’t put your shoes on without help. He’s just making sure you’re okay.” He stared at her, his eyes again unreadable, nodding as he looked away.

Tears sat below the surface, just as they had since she heard he was alive. As though she was waiting to wake up any minute and discover it was all a dream. A horrible realistic nightmare where he was snatched away from her when she had been given a miraculous second chance with him.

The door opened again and the nurse came in with the wheelchair, breaking the silence that hung heavy between them. He helped Mulder into the chair, smiling at Scully, who attempted to smile back, but knew she had failed.

“Here you go, sir,” the nurse said, handing him his bag as Scully stepped forward to take it.

“I can take it,” she said, but Mulder looked at her, holding tightly to the bag.

“I’ve got it,” he whispered and she sighed, nodding at the nurse that they were ready to go.

They walked out of the room and down the hallway, the nurse greeting people as he passed, but neither of them speaking. She had her hand on her stomach again, the baby moving wildly inside of  her.

At the door, she put her hand gently on Mulder’s shoulder, telling him she would be back with the car and he nodded without saying anything. As she moved her hand, she noticed that the baby had calmed significantly as soon as she had touched Mulder.

Or it was coincidental, she thought as she walked away, not wanting to imagine anything was different about the baby. Too much was already unknown without her adding to it.

Babies move and then they stop. That’s all it is, Dana, she told herself as she arrived at the car, opened the door, and got inside.

Driving back to Mulder, she parked the car and started to get out, but the nurse stopped her as he opened the passenger door, telling her he would help Mulder.

“I don’t need help,” Mulder said angrily, standing up and getting in on his own, sighing loudly as he put on his seatbelt.

The nurse placed the bag on the backseat and nodded to Scully with a sympathetic smile. She nodded back and started the car, driving away from the hospital and glancing periodically at Mulder who remained silent, his jaw clenched.

She slowed down and then stopped at a red light, sighing loudly as she looked out the window. Glancing quickly at him, she saw his head was turned, looking out his own window. His hands were clenching and unclenching in his lap and she wanted to reach over and touch him, but she knew she could not.

He was wound tightly and she felt if she touched him, he would explode.

The light turned green and she continued on to his apartment, the silence in the car deafening.

“It’s different,” he suddenly said. It was said quietly, but it startled her, causing her to jump and her heart to pound hard. “Things. The weather. It’s…” He sighed and shook his head, falling silent once again.

She found she could not speak, did not want to speak, if she was honest. She was hurting, sad, and not too surprisingly, she could feel anger slowly beginning to build.

Things. Yeah… they were different.

Pulling up to his apartment, she parked the car and got out. Walking around to his side, she took his bag from the backseat and waited for him.

“I can take that,” he said, reaching for his bag and she moved it away from his grasp and shook her head. “Scully, I can-”

“I’ve got it, Mulder.”

“But, I can…”

“It’s a bag full of clothes. Half full, at that. I can carry it, Mulder.” She smiled at him and he nodded with a deep sigh as he began to walk toward the building.

She followed him across the lobby and to the elevator, his pace slower than usual, his eyes looking around, though he continued to remain silent. Waiting for the elevator, she once again wanted to take his hand, to touch him, to connect them.

But she did not.

Neither of them spoke as the elevator arrived at the lobby. As they stepped in, he placed his hand on her back and for a second everything felt normal. But as they turned around, he dropped his hand and put them into his pockets, his eyes on the ground. She closed her eyes as the elevator rose to his floor, swallowing down her tears.

He sighed as they got out and walked down his hallway. She took out her keys, the jingling sound of them loud in the quiet of the hall. Finding his on the key ring, she readied it as they arrived at the door. Placing it in the lock, she unlocked it and stepped inside.

Closing the door, they stood in the foyer as he looked around, and she wondered what thoughts were going through his mind.

“Must feel good to be home,” she said softly, finally breaking the continuing silence.

“Mm, yeah,” he hummed, barely audible as she looked at him.

Carrying his bag into his bedroom, she took a second to steel herself as she heard him moving about the apartment.

“Something looks different,” he told her as she walked back into the room.

“It's clean,” she said, looking around and trying for a bit of humor. He chuckled, but it did not sound right.

“Ah... that's it,” he replied with a smile, again rather awkward and forced.  

She fingered her keyring as she watched him looking around, her tears still just below the surface. He bent close to the fish tank and she drew in a breath.

“Missing a molly.”

“Yeah,” she said with a nod, her hands now in her pockets, the keys still held in her right hand. “She wasn't as lucky as you.” He let out a breath and sat on the edge of his desk.

“Mulder…” she said and for a second she thought he might not look at her. But then he turned his head and his sad eyes were on hers again. “I don't know if you'll ever understand what it was like.” He held her gaze, taking a deep breath. “First learning of your abduction... and then searching for you and finding you dead.” He looked away and nodded, not looking back at her. “And now to have you back and...”

Her voice broke as she smiled, tears threatening to spill over, not knowing how much more she could say. There were words she had hoped to say, planned to tell him if given the chance, but now…

“Well, you act like you're surprised,” he joked, with another awkward smile. She released a breath and attempted a smile, but it did not feel genuine.

Looking down, she tried again to bring forth the words she wanted to say. The ones she had rehearsed in her head.

“I prayed a lot,” she said with a smile, remembering the days and nights of pleading with God. “And my prayers have been answered.”

“In more ways than one,” he said, staring and gesturing at her stomach.

“Yeah,” she agreed as she looked down, trying to find the words to tell him all that had happened… her worries and fears.

“I'm happy for you,” he said, and it felt wrong as though something was missing. “I think I know... how much that means to you.”

To her? How much it meant to her? she thought as she raised her head and stared at him. For her?

He did not know. She had not told him, that was true, but how did he not understand? How could he not know that this baby was not only her happiness, but theirs?

His gaze lingered on her stomach and she wanted to release the dam of tears pressing behind her eyes. He smiled slightly as he looked down, and the words she ached to tell him, that the miracle he had spoken of had come true. But the words stuck within her, though she tried, her lips moving, but no sound coming forth.

“Mulder…” Was all she could utter before he interrupted her.

“I'm sorry. I don't mean to be cold or ungrateful. I just... I have no idea where I fit in right now.” He stared at her, imploring with his eyes for her to understand. “I just, uh... I'm having a little trouble... processing... everything.”

He looked away as she stared at him, weighing the words she desperately wanted to say with the ones he could handle hearing at the moment. She nodded and looked down, forcing a smile as she wiped away her tears.

“Scully…”

“I understand. I do.” She looked up at him and he sighed, holding her gaze as he nodded.  

“I suppose you would,” he agreed quietly, his eyes dropping to her stomach again and she bit the inside of her lip.

“I should go,” she whispered and his head flew up, staring at her with confusion. “Or I could stay…” He continued to stare at her and then he stood up, his hands in his pockets.

“I should umm…” he said, looking around and she chuckled softly. “It’s too damn clean in here.” She smiled and he answered with one of his own, the awkwardness lingering just a bit.

“I’m sure you’ll have it back to it’s cluttered ways in no time.” He nodded as she ran her fingers over the keys in her pocket, suddenly needing to flee, to put some space between them. “Um… there’s food in the fridge, fresh sheets on the bed. I uh…”

“You didn’t have to-” he said, his eyes on her stomach, before raising them to hers. “I could’ve done that… well, the bed at least.”

“I’m pregnant, not an invalid. It’s not going to hurt me to change the sheets. A little awkward, but…” She shrugged with a soft smile and he sighed with a nod.

“Thank you,” he whispered and she hummed her reply.

Silence again filled the apartment. So much she wanted to say but the weight and thought of it was too much. She needed to leave. They both needed some space to be able to get past this awkwardness.

“So… I’ll uh… I’ll let you get settled. Talk to the fish, as I know you like to do.” He glanced at them and smiled slightly with a nod. “Like I said, there’s food in the fridge.” He looked back at her and nodded slowly with a sigh.

She turned around and walked towards the door, tears threatening to fall, but she kept them at bay as she got to the door and paused. Turning around again, she saw he was standing by the dining room table, his eyes on her.

“I’m…” he said quietly and she shook her head.

“I know. It’s okay.” She smiled and reached for the doorknob. “Call if you need anything.”

“Scully,” he whispered, coming to stand in front of her. “I need… some time. I just…”

“Mulder, I understand.”

They stared at one another and he sighed deeply. She wanted to hug him, to hold him, to stay… but they needed space right now. Settling for squeezing his upper arm, she nodded and opened the door.

Walking down the hall, she did not turn to look back, not wanting to know if he was watching and not wanting him to see her tears.

_____________

Four days. Four days of ups and downs, snarky comments, accusing eyes, and dismissing what she had to say. They were short with one another, out of sync, and she was tired of it. She had taken it in stride, but tonight she was angry and he was going to hear about it.

He had been missing. Tortured. Dead. This was all true, but that did not mean he had the right to treat her the way he had been.

Tonight that was going to change.

She knocked on his door, her knuckles rapping sharply, as she waited for him to open it. Not hearing him shuffling around inside, she knocked again, her annoyance rising.

Sighing, she took out her keys and unlocked the door. Stepping inside, she closed and locked the door, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. Sighing, she took off her shoes, and walked towards his bedroom. The door was open a crack, a single light on, as she pushed it open wider.

She heard the shower running as she walked further into his room. His bed was unmade, the sheets tangled. Clothes littered the floor, his running shoes next to the bed, a dress shirt on the edge of his bed. Picking it up, she held it to her nose and breathed in, closing her eyes as his scent hit her senses.

The shower stopped and she opened her eyes. Setting his shirt down, she took a deep breath. The door opened and he walked out, a towel around his waist, his body and hair still damp.

“Mulder…”

“Fuck, Scully!” he shouted, stepping back and letting out an exasperated breath. “What in the hell are you doing here?”

“We need to talk.”

“Jesus Christ. You know, phones work well. You could have just called.” He shook his head as she continued staring at him.

“I’ll wait for you in the living room,” she said, walking out the door, not giving him a chance to respond.

She paced the living room, her hand on her stomach, as she waited for him. The door creaked as he walked out and she turned to look at him. He opened his mouth to speak and she put up a hand.

“I have some things to say and you’re going to listen. You’re not going to interrupt me, you’re just going to listen. Okay?” she said and he took a deep breath. He stared at her and then nodded in agreement. “Good.” She let out a breath and licked her lips.

“I know it wasn’t easy for you, on you… I know it. I know that you’ve been through a trauma that you’re just beginning to piece together, to understand, but…” She shook her head and took a deep breath. “Of all the people to be angry with, to take out your frustration, I should not be one of them. None of us should. But me most of all. I don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

“Scully-”

“Listening only, remember?” She raised her eyebrows at him and he nodded with a heavy sigh. “I know that for you it’s different, I know. I know that feeling, as I’ve experienced it myself.”

“I know.”

“Mulder,” she said, ignoring his interruption, hot tears filling her eyes. “Every day you were gone, I felt like a piece of myself was lost. Every possibility of finding you… I… we finally did and you were dead. Dead.” Her tears spilled over as she remembered that day and she closed her eyes. “You will never… never know the pain I felt watching as you were lowered into the ground. Mulder…” She sobbed in a breath and covered her mouth as she shook her head.

“Scully…”

“I was alone… Mulder…” She began to cry harder and then he was holding her. She clung to him, crying into his chest, as he stroked her hair and whispered her name.

As she calmed, she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him as close as her pregnant belly allowed. The baby moved and Mulder pulled back, staring at her stomach. The look on his face caused her to laugh as she wiped her tears.

“Did that hurt?” he whispered, reaching out to place a hand on her stomach, but pulled it back, unsure. She shook her head, taking his hand and placing it where the baby had moved.

“No. Not exactly. But it does take me by surprise sometimes.” The baby rolled again and he looked up at her, his eyes wide.

“Whoa…” He stepped closer and spread his fingers, encompassing a larger area, his eyes dropping down. She watched him, the smile pulling slowly at his lips, and her heart ached.

“It’s yours,” she breathed and his eyes flew up to hers. She stared at him, searching his eyes, waiting for her words to reach his brain.

“Y… what?”

“What did you think? How did you think this happened?” She smiled as his mouth opened and closed, his hand pressing more firmly against her stomach. He shook his head and she cupped his face with her hand.

“The… procedure didn’t work… you…”

“No, the procedure didn’t work, but…” She sighed and shook her head, her thumb stroking his cheek. “I don’t know how, I really don’t… but, somehow...” She bit her bottom lip and exhaled through her nose, holding a hand over his on her stomach.

“I… we…” He shook his head and let out a sound of disbelief. His fingers grasped hers, squeezing gently.

“Yes… we,” she whispered with a nod, sighing as her thumb ran slowly over his lips and he kissed it softly.

“I…” He let out a sigh and stared into her eyes. “I’m sorry. I… I remember how it was when you were gone. I… Jesus, Scully…”

“Mulder, I know that you feel a sense of not knowing your purpose, your plan… and as much as I want you back at work, I think-”

“I need more time,” he agreed and she smiled with a slight nod and a hum.

He stepped back and placed both hands on her stomach, staring with a smile. Shaking his head, he looked up at her, and she smiled at him.

“I’m sorry. Sorry for…”

“I know and I do understand.”

“I know you do… it’s just that-” The baby rolled again and he pulled his hands away before putting them back. “I see what you mean about being surprising.” She laughed softly and nodded. “Seeing you like this the first time… I… I’m ashamed of my thoughts. My anger. I…”

“I should’ve told you.”

“Not sure how I would’ve taken it.” He exhaled a breathy laugh and she looked at him, wondering what he meant. His eyes focused on hers and he sighed. “I would’ve been happy, but also…”

“It’s a lot to spring on a guy just back from the dead.”

“Something like that, yeah,” he whispered and she smiled slightly. “Doesn’t mean I should’ve treated how I did.”

“No. But that’s going to change.”

“Yes,” he said with a smile. “Yes it will.”

Her smile grew and her gaze dropped to his lips. He leaned forward, as she placed a hand on his chest, and he kissed her softly. Another kiss and her hand moved to the back of his neck. His hands moved around her waist as he pulled her closer, the kiss deepening.

“Will you stay?” he whispered against her lips.

“If you want,” she teased, knowing full well she would not be leaving.

“I do…” he replied, kissing her again before pulling back and smiling at her as he took her hand and led her into the bedroom.

He gave her a shirt to wear, watching her undress and dropping to his knees to lay his cheek against her stomach, and place a kiss just above her navel. Her fingers ran through his hair as she cried softly, prayers of thankfulness silently sent heavenward.

They got into bed, his arms around her, her body curled against his, fitting perfectly as she always had. A couple of pillow adjustments, his low laughter in her ear, she placed her hand over his on her stomach and let out a breath.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” he whispered and she shook her head.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to know. Not yet.”

“Hmm…” he hummed and she closed her eyes as she began to cry again. “Hey… shhh, it’s okay.”

“So close. So close to never having this again,” she cried and he held her tighter, kissing her ear and whispering her name. “I ached for you. I needed you. Oh, Mulder.” His leg hooked over her calf, locking them closer together, and he hummed as she cried softly.

Her tears subsided and she took calming breaths, the feel of his arms around her bringing her comfort. It was not a dream, he was there, alive and breathing.

“I love you,” she whispered, squeezing his hand and releasing a deep shaky breath.

“I love you too,” he whispered, his breath warm on her cheek as he kissed her. “So very much.”

There were still things they needed to discuss, questions she knew he had, and answers they would need to find together.

But for tonight, they had all they needed.

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

[writingtoforgetreality]

Take It Easy - Little Movie Star Chapter Four (Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist], [Little Movie Star-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: The aftermath of the hate comments. Jensen explained that the future would not be easy if you had a public life. Bonding time with Danneel was appreciated & a revelation left Jensen with a plan for you.

Words: 2,022

Warnings: language, mentions of cyber bullying, bonding time, fluff, tiny bit of angst, fake social media posts (picture credits go to their rightful owners)

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

~2016~

Sunrise came sooner than anticipated. Wanting to procrastinate the talk with Jensen & Danneel, you slowly dragged yourself out of bed & went to the bathroom. Risking a look in the mirror was a big mistake. Your eyes were puffy from all the crying you did yesterday. Technically, you could go for sunglasses. Nope, you could not do that. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people…& douchebags. Chuckling slightly at your own joke. Hopping in the shower real quick, you hoped the warm water could calm you down enough.

After putting on a comfortable outfit for the day, you took a deep breath & started walking to JJ’s room. It had become quite the routine for you. If you were up early enough, you stopped by her room & took her with you downstairs. Knocking softly & opening the door slowly, you saw her already awake, waiting for you to pick her up.

“Good morning, princess. Slept well?” she nodded eagerly & stretched out her arms.

“Let’s get to breakfast then.” smiling sweetly at her. Just for a second, you forgot all about last night & just lived in the moment. Oh, if it were that easy all the time…

Silent voices made you stop in your tracks. Eavesdropping was not something you usually did but you could not help yourself. Besides, you could tell that this conversation resembled around you.

“Maybe she hasn’t seen the comments yet.”

“Oh come on, Dee. Of course she has. I mean, our comment sections are filled with that bullshit.” Jensen was deeply hurt by what some of his fans were saying about you, after one single post.

“What should we do?” Danneel sighed.

“We talk to her.” that was when you coughed to bring the attention to yourself. They turned around & looked surprised by your sudden appearance. You set JJ down & crossed your arms over your chest.

“Sorry for listening in on you guys.” your eyes flickered down because deep down, you knew what you did was not okay.

“Hey, no, it’s fine. We wanted to talk to you anyway.” Jensen walked over to you, followed by Danneel.

“Please don’t listen to any of them, angel.” the nickname made your eyes shot up & when you looked at Danneel, you could feel the tears threatening to escape. Jensen could tell right away & wrapped his strong arms around your frame. You did not care about being vulnerable in front of them. Even though you were sure you would regret your actions in a few hours from now.

Breakfast was filled with conversation between the three of you. JJ & the twins were not understanding anything anyway & you were glad that they were too young to care about stupid comments made by anonymous people on the internet.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Jensen’s voice was filled with disappointment. Though, you were not sure if it was directed at his fans or at his decision of making an Instagram post in the first place.

“None of this is your fault.” reassuring him quietly.

“You don’t deserve this. And we don’t want you to think that we’re not happy with you being here because that is bullshit. We love having you here.” Danneel’s hand found yours on the table & she gave you a little squeeze that put a small smile on your face. You were about to tell them something you had never admitted to anyone before. It was a big step for you & you were making yourself even more vulnerable in front of them. But they seemed genuinely concerned about you & you did not know why but you believed what they were saying. You just hoped your trust in them was not misplaced.

“It’s just…It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like that. A lot of the families I had been to previously had shared their opinions with me. I’m used to it, I don’t even know why it’s affecting me this much.” Jensen & Danneel shared a look with each other. Yes, they were happy that you were sharing a little bit of your past with them but what you shared broke their hearts. The worst thing was that they knew it was not the only thing that had happened to you. There had to be so much more that you still had not told them & they were scared what would come in the future.

“Can you promise me something?” Jensen waited until you met his eyes. “If you have thoughts like that, you come to us immediately. Because whatever your mind tries to tell you, it ain’t true. A lot of these comments are not only hurtful but also threatening. And I’ll put a stop to this right now.” he pulled out his phone & opened twitter. He showed Danneel & you the tweets before he hit send. Afterwards, they told you that comments similar to what you had read will continue to come at your way, simply because they were celebrities. After all, you were part of their family now & therefore your life would also be kind of public. As much as you would allow it anyway.

To some, these tweets might not be a lot but to you, they meant the world. After Jensen tweeted these, you grabbed your own phone, opened Instagram & reposted the picture you took yesterday.

You meant every single word because you did feel like a part of this family & why you still could not understand why they wanted you in the first place, you were more than happy that you were here still. A few weeks ago, you would have never thought to stay with them for so long. Yeah, they really meant it when they said they wanted you to be a part of them.

“I know exactly what we need!” Danneel stood up & you gave her a confused look. What was she planning?

“Girls-Day.” giving you a wink, she helped you out of your seat & gave you a light push, telling you to get dressed so you guys could go shopping. Danneel was aware that you were still slightly uncomfortable whenever you were alone with her but she wanted to change that & what better way than a shopping trip together?

The trip to the local mall was very much needed. Danneel warned you about possible paparazzi & the thought made you nervous. What if you did not look good? What if it gave the media something negative to report on? Danneel silenced your thoughts by dragging you into the first shop. Your shopping spree was successful & you came back with tons of shopping bags. Feeling bad because you did not pay for anything, Danneel assured you that it was no problem. Besides, you did not have a lot of clothing to begin with & she told you that you needed it. Also, she gave you permission to raid her closet any time you wanted. And who were you to decline such an offer?

“Successful much?” Jensen joked when the two of you entered the house, struggling with all the bags you were carrying. He gave you a hand & set some of the bags on the couch. Your mood had changed drastically if you were to compare yourself to a few hours prior.

“Jensen, can you help (Y/N) putting her stuff in her room?” Danneel grabbed some of her bags, definitely not nearly as many as were filled with your clothing.

After putting all of the bags on your bed, Jensen offered to help you putting them away in your closet & you thanked him. While the two of you got to work, he commented on some of the clothes that he was storing away & said that you & Danneel chose a lot of great looking things.

“So, how was today?” Jensen started a conversation & you were not in the mood to lie to him so you told him the truth, the entire truth for once.

“A rollercoaster of emotions. But it ended great.” shooting an honest smile his way, one, that he copied.

“I know it’d be easier if we weren’t popular & all that.” he sighed.

“Not all of it is bad, though. I mean, you get so much love on a daily basis.”

“True, but it can be frustrating, especially when family gets involved. Still happens with Danneel sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, you know, when people get jealous & all that.”

“I’m sorry.” a tight lipped smile was on your face.

“Nothing to be sorry for. This life has its perks, but it also has a lot of disadvantages. When you’ve been in this business for so long, you start blocking out the negative comments...Hey, that was the last piece, we did it.” raising his hand for you to give him a high-five.

Falling backwards on your bed, Jensen mimicked your actions, you let out a long, satisfied sigh. Today had been exhausting, both mentally & physically.

“Now that we know that you enjoy shopping…what else do you do for fun?”

“Um, I guess a lot of creative stuff. I like writing. Taking pictures. Drawing. Oh, this will sound ironic, but I actually like acting a lot.” that peaked his interest. He propped up his arm & laid his head on it.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean...Whenever I imagine playing a role, it helps me control my emotions.”

“Do you have any experience?” he curiously asked. Maybe you had acted somewhere before?

“God, no. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m good at it.” laughing shortly, then you continued. “It’s not like there were a lot of opportunities coming my way growing up.” shrugging, you enjoyed the comfortable silence that followed. Shortly after, Jensen walked out of your room, telling you to get some sleep.

A plan was starting to form in his head. He had connections & if acting really was something that you enjoyed, why not trying? The producers had the last word & then he could see if it really was something that was just a hobby to you. He had a feeling that you would surprise him, though. Dialing the next person that came to his mind, he wanted to hear his opinion.

“Hey, man. How are you?”

“Hi, Jared. I’m great, thanks.”

“How’s (Y/N) doing?”

“Danneel & her went shopping today. But look, she just told me something.”

The conversation went on for a while & Jared was on board with Jensen’s plan. Still, it was meant to stay secret for the time being. They planned a dinner in a few days from now. Just him, Danneel & you, joined by Jared & Gen. It would also be your first time meeting them. This decision was made shorty after you arrived at the Ackles’ house. Simply because you were freaking overwhelmed with the entire situation & had to get used to them at first. Now, it felt like a good time to introduce you to the Padalecki’s. At the dinner, they would tell you about their little plan. Before that could happen, though, Jensen had to make a few more phone calls to set everything up. Hopefully, you would not kill him after finding out. No, he could tell that you were being serious about this. You might not admit it but he noticed that your passion for acting was way bigger than you let on.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter 

Published (04/10/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @vicmc624​, @imaginationisgrowth, @stoneyggirl​, @alyispunk​, @thevelvetseries​, @multifandomlover121, @samsgirl93​, @supernatural3002​, @diabetes-03, @prettyybubblesintheair, @originalsoulcollector​, @vir-tual, @bellero​, @sergantbuckybarnes (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

[taeyungie]

to be honest i may be too naive (or even dramatic) but i feel bad for jungkook and also for charlie with this issue ): i just hope this won't ruin things. they were both so excited for this release and we can't know whose fault it was or if it was just an issue that could happen to anybody, i can't know if charlie's worries were fake or if he was just trying to receive more attention... but i think it was genuine, why would he risk to ruin it that way (?) the artists who own the fanarts that he posted on ig also complained that he cropped their usernames and he tagged their insta in one of them, i hope he does the same to the other one :/ but i definetely think that the creative director of the mv was really unnecessary when he talked about likes and didn't want to delete the post with the typo. everything that happened inevitably shifted part of the attention ): i hope jungkook is okay and that he could at least laugh with it a little

i understand what you mean and i honestly feel similar :( yeah, i'm cracking jokes about charlie but i honestly don't think he and his team did it purposefully because if they did... it's honestly so bad for their image :( i really wonder what jungkook thinks about it, if he knew about it, if they really did it just to use the attention... we would give them so much more attention and boosted the mv immediately if they released it right away so they didn't have to do that. but 1. i heard that more people had issues uploading videos on youtube recently and that there were issues with servers, overall mess and it probably wasn't their fault even if they scheduled the vid, 2. in the tweet where they shared an hour at which song has dropped it said "the official mv drops the same day"... it doesn't say /at the same hour/ but i know we're used to it, but if they meant to post it an hour later.. would they really create such a scene just for this? not all artists always drop both things at the same time, but it's usually just to draw the attention and build anticipation :/ i really hated how his team handled it, the whole thing with a typo in jungkook's name and their "ignorance" about ~ what's happening to the mv and why it's not posted yet ~ that just seemed really suspicious and weird, i really hated that they lied at first and then turned it into a joke. but you're right, everything that happened created such an unnecessary bubble of attention which was supposed to be focused just on the collab, everyone was so excited and we know jeongguk likes his music, he wanted this collab a long time ago and we could see it coming. i agree, i also just hope they laughed it off and don't worry about it, i hope it wasn't a serious issue or anything. our fandom clowned thorough everything but that's all jokes of course JSBSJSJ i just hope most that kook had fun, but i really hope they won't be collabing again or that at least charlie won't hire the same team to manage their next songs lmao because i don't think i ever saw someone act so unprofessional

[kenmasgameboy]

ruin me.

chapter 8: who?

previous…next

masterlist

kuroo tetsurou came into y/n’s life when she needed him to fuck it up the most.

Kuroo tapped the notebook you where you were rewriting your notes for better organization. You looked over, eyes wide with the sudden eye contact he made. Fuck, he’s so hot. You thought this to yourself and had to look away.

“When do you have to close up?” Kuroo asked, his voice smooth in your ear as you become painfully aware of his gaze.

“Half an hour.” You mumbled, checking your watch. Thanks to the silence around you he still heard you.

“Perfect, uh.” Kuroo nervously fiddled with his pencil, trying to prepare himself to be rejected, “Could I walk you home when you’re done?”

“What?” You practically choke it out, your skin feeling hot and sweaty under your current predicament.

“It’s just getting late, I think Inuoka had to have gone home by now if you were planning on going with him. But I’d love to walk you. I really don’t mind.” Kuroo insisted. You gripped the page of your book, crinkling the corner of it between your thumb and index finger.

“Kuroo-san?” You finally gain the courage to say something above a mumble.

“You don’t have to be so formal—” Kuroo started but you needed to let it out before you swallowed it back down forever.

“Why are you messing with me? I know I tweeted that thing but I didn’t think you’d ever see that. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You said it in practically one long breath, trying to get it all out of your chest like blowing it into a balloon.

“What tweet? Oh the one where you said I was some good fucking food, something about being a delicious specimen, right?” He flashed a handsome teasing grin your way. Your whole body felt like cringing, curling in on itself until you turned into seafoam but restricted it to just your hands curling and your face wincing. Why did you ever forget the internet is forever?

“I’m just teasing you. Of course, I’m flattered. But I was interested in knowing who you were before I even saw that.” He insisted, his genuine smoothness spilling across the table.

“Oh.” You said, quickly turning your face into your opposite shoulder as to hide the panic and flustered expression you surely are wearing. Kuroo wanted to see that face so bad. A light breath was exhaled from his nose as he held back his laugh, you were amusing though he would give you that.

“Why don’t I walk you home?” He repeated himself. You remembered Inuoka’s long gone and the dark of the night had already settled in. You couldn’t walk home alone, but walking home with a guy you didn’t know very well also didn’t sound like a fun risk.

“Y/N-chan?” Your class representative suddenly had approached the desk, Nakamura Satoshi. You hadn’t spoken to him much, only when he needed you to do a certain task. He was #1 in your year, and was extremely popular with the staff and faculty. He wasn’t exactly Kuroo’s status with popularity, but he was up there. There was no doubt people knew who they were. And they knew who each other were.

You were so thankful that nobody else was in this library. As this would be quite the sight for anyone to see. Two of some of the most popular boys at this school hanging around the loner librarian assistant. What was next? Was an idol going to come try to talk to you as well? You set a reminder in your head to punch Inuoka for leaving you alone tonight.

“Ah, Satoshi-kun, I’m sorry I forgot you were here. Can I help you find something? I was about to close up.” You smiled lightly at him. Your interaction with this guy made Kuroo want to put his fist directly into Nakamura’s face. Did he not see he was working on something over here? He just had to come ruin it, huh? Why were you so familiar with each other? Kenma said you didn’t talk to anyone. Kuroo’s patience was coming to a stifling end.

“Ah not exactly, I’m sorry to keep you past your shift. Is the librarian coming to relieve you?” Satoshi asked you,

“No, I’m locking up tonight. She texted me a little while ago to let me know she couldn’t come back to do it.” You said. Kuroo was getting antsy, starting to pack up his things as he tried to urge this kid to stop talking. He was getting the need to be petty, jealous of how comfortable you were with him.

“Oh, I see.” He said, returning his voice to a normal level since nobody else was here, “I was wondering if you could help me understand this assignment from English? You got second highest in that subject last term, right?”

“Well, yeah. Second to you?” You turned your head to the side in confusion, but Kuroo didn’t miss a beat in understanding this guys game plan.

“I could help you.” Kuroo smiled nonchalant, playing coy as if he didn’t know a thing.

“Oh, Kuroo-san! My apologies, I didn’t see you there.” Satoshi bowed and smiled politely. Immediately it was like a surge of lightening went through both of their eyes, their competitive natures being at opposing sides with each other.

“No worries, I scored #1 in english the last 3 years, I don’t mind helping you.” Kuroo said, trying to draw his attention away from you.

“That’d be great, but I’d feel like I was cheating if i got help from someone as advanced as you. Besides, Y/N-chan always takes the best notes from what we covered in class today. I swear! They’re always better than mine.” Satoshi was being light-hearted but not even you could deny the air had gotten thicker.

“It’s okay, um. Is it this one? I’ll admit it was kind of difficult. Learning when to use past, present, and future tense verbs can get rather difficult especially if it changes mid-sentence.” You said this while looking down at the identical sheets, trying to ignore that half of the answer bubbles looked like they used to have writing in them but had been erased. But Kuroo certainly couldn’t ignore that.

“I know, I’ve been kinda struggling with it. Kuroo-san, this could take a little while. You shouldn’t have to wait for Y/N-chan. I can walk her home.” Satoshi tried to wave him off. Kuroo stood up, using his height to his advantage over Satoshi who was probably only 4 inches shorter than Kuroo, but still enough to make his point.

“I don’t mind waiting, I already got my studies done for the day. No need to rush.” Kuroo insisted, “Besides, L/N already told me she wanted me to walk her home.”

“I don’t remember her saying that.” Satoshi pointed out, causing Kuroo’s eyes to widen. So, he had been listening to them. “Y/N-chan, do you mind staying with me, I’d love your input about a few other things for our class? I’ll walk you home and buy you something from the vending machine.”

You wanted to explode. Right then and there felt like the perfect time to just implode actually, so why couldn’t you spontaneously combust.

“Uh..” You nervously fiddled with the end of your uniform sweater, you looked up to Kuroo for some kind of answer. You don’t know why you had done that, you just felt like he would help you in this. Inuoka normally would be that person for you, but now out of the two in front of you, you go to Kuroo. But he just stared down Satoshi instead, when you made eye contact with him you backed down again. You panicked under his gaze. He registered that look you were giving him a second too late, “Kuroo-san, I would feel bad making you wait for me. It’s okay to go on without me.”

Kuroo wished he could back track, he wished he had the right authority to just pick you up and take you with him. He wished he could’ve gone back to when you looked at him with those panicked eyes looking for an answer and answered for you again so that you would feel like you had an ally. Satoshi didn’t skip a single beat, he took the seat Kuroo had been sitting in for the last few hours to make sure he could be even closer to you than he had been to immediately start asking you questions to ignore Kuroo.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, L/N.” Kuroo couldn’t help but hang his head with his defeat. As soon as Kuroo left through the front doors, the rubber band you felt between the two of you that had been getting pulled tighter and tighter was cut by the doors of the library. It snapped back and hit the air out of your chest. You felt weaker without him, like you couldn’t focus on what Satoshi was asking you even though you were more familiar with him he never gave you the same feeling of blissful silence in the way Kuroo gave you today.

You didn’t know that Kuroo was going to give you up that easy. You didn’t know that he wasn’t. That he was waiting down the hall waiting for you to leave with that guy with you so he could prove his own suspicions. He was never going to give up that easily.

***

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a/n wOW WHAT A MASSIVE CHAPTER! let me know what you guys think <3 a bit more drama-filled than normal hehe

[lovelivingmydreams]

Paper Flowers: By any other name

Happy New year! I’m back with the fifth chapter. Other chapters are listed in the master post under Paper Flowers.

Thomas gets tmakes a fun youtube Video. Patton thinks there might be a breakthrough with Virgil. And Roman gets a surprise.

Thomas and Joan are sitting down at Joan’s kitchen table for a youtube video.

Earlier that week Thomas had sent out a tweet to ask the Fanders to send in questions and links for them to react to.

The video was a lot of fun so far. They saw cute dog video’s, inspiring coming out video’s, and then there was the artwork inspired by his vine stuff. Some fanders made misleading complement themed cards, and there were cute drawings of his teacher and dad character. And of course there was that stainglass/yingyang drawing of the Prince and his nemesis.

“This is just amazing, you guys are all so talented.” He gushes, not for the first time as he studies the gorgeous detailing on the latter. This must’ve taken hours and he can’t get over the fact that something he did inspired that.

The questions were fun to answer too. What subject is teacher’s favorite? What is Dad’s favorite cookie? What was the funniest interaction he’d ever had after a storytime? Some serious ones too. How did Joan know they were non binary?

What made him decide to come out as gay to his Christian parents? How did he know it was the right time?

Is it hard being out and proud while being a public figure?

Tips on how to handle social anxiety.

“Okay, final question, I peeked on this one,” Joan admitted, making Thomas let out a dramatic scandalized gasp. “I wanted to make sure we’d end the video on a fun note. Go on read it.”

Joan is chuckling already, so Thomas quickly reads the comment.

“Thomas love your content! But the people need to know. Is it Marcus or Kevin?”

Thomas frowns in confusion. There is a link and when he clicks on it he is brought to a long reblog chain on tumblr. He quickly reads through the first few posts and snorts.

“Oh My Goodness, that is just amazing!” he squeals in delight. He loves that the fanders are so enthusiastic about those two. And from what he can tell both ‘armies’ are battling it out in good fun.

“Well, I can’t confirm, nor deny either name at this time. But I think he’d very much approve of the one his faithful minions have chosen for him. Personally I do think Kevin would be hilarious though.”

Joan chuckles and nods in agreement.

“We might learn the dark overlord’s true name someday,” Thomas smiles. “But for now, take it easy guys galls and non-binary palls. Peace out!”

“Are you quite done Princey?” Virgil huffed. Roman had been laughing nonstop since Thomas heard about the debate going on in the Fanders comunity.

“Sorry. I’ll stop. Honestly it’s not that funny. Please do forgive me… Kevin,” And just like that he was doubled over again. Virgil groaned in annoyance.

“Okay, okay, I’m done. I honestly didn’t mean to. You can’t always help it when you laugh though. And you must admit it is a little funny,” Roman said once he got a hold of himself, whipping the mirth out of his eyes.

“What’s all this commotion about?” Patton wondered as he entered the commons.

Virgil tensed up. Patton had been… Different lately. He’d been checking if Virgil took enough food when he ate in his room, and that he ate everything when Roman coaxed him into eating with the others. He knocked more often to check if Virgil had laundry to be done, or to tell him that it was time for him to go to bed. He was taking this whole dad thing a little too seriously.

And some part of Virgil wanted to just accept and appreciate the effort, but the other kept wondering why Patton was doing all that for him when he clearly wanted him to just move back downstairs already.

It was in the little things. The way Patton would tense when he entered the room. How he would hesitate before smiling at him or greeting him. The way his voice wavered when he asked him stuff. And sometimes Patton would say stuff like “I don’t care how Deceit does things, but up here we…” Insert whatever rule Patton was trying to get Virgil to accept.

Honestly. He didn’t mind doing chores. Even if it was redundant when you can just will stuff to be clean. He didn’t mind making an appearance in the commons once a day either. Patton had just jumped from not involving him in anything into expecting him to fight him on everything.

Sure he’d roll his eyes and huff a little, but he wasn’t that difficult. Patton clearly expected him to be though. Perhaps even expected him to get tired of the rules and leave.

The problem was, Virgil had actually tried a few times in the beginning, and he couldn’t go back downstairs. Not really. Not for more than a visit when Thomas was asleep. The rest of the time, he was stuck in the in between only able to go to the upper commons.

Virgil’s best guess at how this worked was that Thomas had acknowledged his existence, but was still trying to push him down most of the time.

It’d been Janus’ decision to reveal this truth, when Virgil had been triggered into a panic attack one morning out of seemingly nowhere. Janus and Remus had been very calm that day and that had been exactly what had made Virgil worry that something big was coming. Janus realized this was not a healthy environment for him. So he lifted the denial on Thomas’ anxiety and told Patton and the others that Virgil would be living with them from now on.

Next thing Virgil knew his room was moved up, just not all the way.

He wasn’t sure, but he felt like he’d gotten closer to the upper level since he and Roman became friends. Logan didn’t seem to care one way or another. So that left Patton as the one to push him down right?

Virgil closed his eyes to calm his reeling thoughts for a moment. He couldn’t get swept up by his own head when in public. Princey got it by now, but how would he explain this to Patton.

“Oh, hello Padre. Kevin and I were just discussing the latest video and…”

Then Virgil found himself crouching on the kitchen counter ready for an attack. Patton’s high pitched squeal had been unexpected and terrifying.

Roman, once he recovered from his own surprise, moved a little closer to Virgil, putting himself in between him and the perceived danger. It helped calming him down a lot faster and adjust his position to look more casual and less terrified.

Patton was still squealing and clapping. It seemed like he had missed Virgil’s panicked reaction.

“Your name is Kevin?” he gushed.

“No,” Virgil objected immediately. Holding up both hands in a stop sign.

“That’s just one of the names the fanders gave the villain character. Princey thinks he’s hilarious for calling me that,” he explained.

Patton deflated. “Oh… Well, it’s nice the fanders enjoy your character so much,” he smiled awkwardly. Virgil suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. He wanted to get out of here, like now.

“Padre! You just must see the gorgeous artwork this fander did about the prince!” Roman declared as he grabbed Patton by the arm and led him away.

Virgil finally fully relaxed. Roman was really pulling through on every level.

Protecting him from Patton’s parenting, deflecting Logan’s tough questions, and even making Virgil feel appreciated. Whenever Virgil had had a rough day of keeping Thomas safe, Roman would come find him in the field and just hang with him, humming his favorite music, set up one of his favorite movies with him, telling him stories of his grand adventures. Just hanging out. Once they did each other’s nails. That was a lot of fun. Virgil had actually quit nailbiting  all together because he didn’t want to ruin them.

At first Roman had tried gifts and lavish praise, but that did not sit well with Virgil. He panicked over not being able to live up to the praise or give good gifts in return. And Roman listened and adapted.

Virgil in turn had been trying to give Roman verbal praise whenever he did something nice for him, or did a good job with Thomas. It was hard for Virgil to say this stuff out loud though.

Virgil entered his room trying to think of a way to thank Roman for today without making it awkward for the both of them.

His eye fell on some purple craft paper. One of Roman’s early gifts. He’d thought that maybe Virgil might enjoy creating things to take his mind of off his worries every once in a while.

Virgil had never really found a good project to use it for… But now.

When Roman got back to his room after bidding Patton a good day he could feel a slow rhythmic knock on his door. They never agreed on a code, but he could tell that this was just Virgil trying to get his attention, but that he could take his time if needed.

He decided to note down his new idea for a Vine first so he wouldn’t lose it. When he opened the door, Virgil was nowhere to be seen. Not that Roman noticed right away, he was far too focused on the purple paper rose hanging from the doorframe by a piece of yarn.

It was clearly hand crafted. Which must have taken Virgil quite some effort. He carefully untied the flower and brought it to his room where he put it on his vanity in a little vase.

He smiled softly at the little token of appreciation. A friendship with the emo knight wasn’t always easy to navigate. But it was definitely worth it.

He picked up the idea again, confident it would be another hit.

The dark overlord scowled at the bright morning sky. "Curse you, eternal sun." He turns his attention to the star map on the table in front of him "and every single one of you stars." He raised a picture of the solar system and glared. "And to hell with all you planets! I hate you all!" Then he dramatically turned and picked up a small ball resembling a certain non-planet. "Except for you,” he says softly stroking the ball delicately as if to comfort it. “You get me. You may stay."

Next: everyone falls