#i kinda miss when they just messaged me
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truly bonkers that this site will flag vaguely nude drawings at the drop of a hat but I can be presented a random women's entire pussy as a recommended post at any given moment from a bot
#i kinda miss when they just messaged me#the bots here are so crazy at least its like X with all the cryptos#god the shit we deal with these days lol
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I have a Mighty Need for your First Time for Everything continuation.
You and me both, Poni! (there would be a crying laughing emoji here if I was on mobile)
I made like barely any headway yesterday on part 3, but I'm still trying to juggle not sleeping well with work + school, so unfortunately fun things like writing and hopefully soon drawing are taking a backseat for the time being.
Kind of.
I'm still making time for it, but I also can't afford to like... dedicate as much time as I'd want to solely to writing fun stuff. The inspiration is there beneath all the extra shit, it's just hard to say 'Alright here's my hour or two of writing time!' when I'm exhausted and frankly too brain-dead to think and write cohesively.
Plus, I've been chronically online for a long, long time and I'm kinda trying to shift that this year because being online for too long (especially in a community like this) isn't healthy for me personally. I just tend to get sucked in and spend hours doing absolutely nothing productive or even relaxing or fun. It's purely doomscrolling.
Anyway, TL;DR: Part 3 is in the works but I have no definite date, nor will I have one until I can settle a lot of stuff outside of this space. It's super nice to know that someone's looking forward to it though! :3
#greyrambles;#greyanswers;#tbh if it weren't for this fic and the small community of chill people i like on here i'd... probably delete this blog#it's kinda hard to like feel i belong anywhere online these days when it comes to bigger groups of people#like jack/septiceye posted a video today talking about how being on the internet feels SO anxiety inducing now-a-days#and it struck a chord with me bc that's how i feel when i log onto here#who unfollowed me who blocked me who sent me a shitty message and tbh?#i don't need that in my life#it's why i deleted MOST of my other social medias in the first place#some people weren't meant to be so overloaded with information and contact and shit#it just drains me#BUT#There are parts i would miss deeply like getting to connect with people who also like stuff i enjoy too!#and the fire prompts/takes#so it's like i'm /here/ but my time is limited for my own health#which should and is always going to take priority over any content i may make :3
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My friends don't hate me, they're just busy.
My friends don't hate me, they're just busy.
My-
#hitting that fun point where my brain starts insisting that my friends are secretly think I'm annoying#it doesn't help that I'm not getting an answer from like three of them?#which happens every so often#one of them (who was my best friend) actually ghosted me like 2.5 years ago and i'm still recovering lololol#the other two drop out of contact sometimes cause Mental Health Issues#it's just not helping that they both did it at the same time this year#one of them it was like less than a month after i flew out to visit her in person#so that's great#we're like two or three months into no reply from her#and my last friend from high school that still lives in the area doesn't really hang out without me setting it up#i realized that and decided to hold off on asking to hang out after work to see when she would start sending messages#one month in and nothing#i know it's kinda dumb to do the wait to set when they message first thing but I was kinda curious to see#i honestly thought she'd text something by now#instead i'm coming to the realization that maybe i don't matter that much to her?#maybe she doesn't even like me#when we meet up we talk about her work and life a lot but it feels like she doesn't pay attention when i talk about mine#like i'll be talking about work and she'll be on her phone texting her boyfriend#i've made some new friends but i'm no one's best friend#god i miss having a best friend
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VV was and is always my favorite performance from Jimmy and Sea. It's such a great story about love, friendship......and the COLORS, goshhh the colors 😭 your gif make me feel so nostalgic
SOOOOOOOO TRUE OF YOU TO SAY THAT ANON VICE VERSA WILL REALLY ALWAYS BE THEE SERIES™ LIKE EVERYONE ON THAT SET WAS ON A MISSION TO PUT AS MUCH CRAZY PEOPLE JUICE IN THOSE CREATIVE DECISIONS AS THEY POSSIBLY COULD AND BY GOOD DID THEY DELIVER
they simply gave us everything!!!!!!!! colors symbolism cinematography storytelling originality imagery characters' growth the soundtrack of all time the breaking of the 11 episode curse the reflection on the self friendship family accountability romanticism parallelism soulmatism true lovism actor sea tawinan outselling outslaying outperforming everyone and doctor jimmy showing up on set every single day to gaze at sea with a love so all consuming and full of yearning and a devotion so palpable and plain to see it drives people to the brink of suicide!!!!!!!!!!!
every week was just win after win after win and then we got our skyy 2 and proceeded to win some more we literally won so hard that i could actually taste the colors they used in the show IT REALLY WAS SUCH AN UNPRECEDENTED UNPARALLELED UNMATCHED TELEVISION EXPERIENCE I GENUINELY MISS IT EVERY SINGLE DAY NOTHING WILL EVER COMPARE
#sorry for kinda losing it under your message anon i just. yeah ;;;;;;;#i miss vice versa even when im rewatching it#i miss vice versa even when im sleeping#this show flashes before my eyes every time i so much as blink#it really is THAT bad#im not a big fan of second seasons for BLs but like. I WOULD SURRENDER ALL MY MORTAL POSSESSIONS TO GET MORE VICE VERSA#ANYWAY. sorry again anon ;;;;;;;#but im so happy to know im not the only one who loves and misses it!!!!!#your message made me so happy so thank you!!!!!!#hope you're having a wonderful day!!!!!! 💜#vice versa#m: ask
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*waving awkwardly at whoever happens to be walking by* Just a little heads up (since I guess I feel weird not giving any sort of notice?) that I’ll be making a point to be on here much less going forward (not disappearing, I’ll still be around, but probably only popping in now and again)… At least for now! Summer is always a difficult time of year for me, to be honest with you, and being chronically online definitely won’t help with that. So… Yeah! As per usual feel free to @ me to make sure I see something (y’all can also dm me lol no need to be shy). 💜
That’s it! Again just felt like leaving a little notice aha… Anyhoo, y’all take care and be safe :] ✌️
#BUT for the little handful of people I chat with on Discord-#I very much do want us to stay in touch and encourage you to message me liberally about literally whatever#Rat… Countless… Fey… I mean you know who you are I think#Cal you’re included in that implicitly too haha ik we don’t talk directly all that much but we’re friends and we really oughta keep intouch#Anyhoo that’s it yeah!#Like I said#summer can be pretty rough for me#On the one hand I have a very romantic view of summer#On the other- it tends to be when I’m most prone to falling into depressive episodes#Alsoooooo- I have to admit that while I’m very grateful for this fandom and all the cool people in it that I’ve met#I often kinda miss when listening to it was more of a thing I did with myself if that makes sense??#Well now I have a few closer friends that I absolutely still want to talk about the show with-#But overall yeah I think at least for the next bit I want to go back to enjoying the show without all the fandom stuff attached#Well. AHA I’ll still be around like I said just- okay this is such a long ramble for nothing LOL typical Baba…#:3 Listen take care and don’t be shy if ya genuinely wanna keep in touch is all#💜
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
not my sunbro...
damn you miyazaki...
#i'm so sorry my friend... it was for your sake...#given that this is dark souls i should have seen it coming but man...#HIS DEATH DIALOGUE NOOO#you should have found your sun my friend...#not a fucking bug#SERIOUSLY SOLAIRE DYING BECAUSE OF A BUG???????#were you that desperate?#oh god i feel terrible#later i had to go to anor londo to try to find something and seeing that area around the bonfire completely desolate without solaire there#it was so fucking depressing#AND I SAW LIKE 3 DIFFERENT MESSAGES SAYING 'tears?' LIKE YEAH NO SHIT#so i left one too :')#*sigh* i miss him already#i keep letting characters die and now firelink shrine is more of a grave than a nice safe sanctuary to chat with npcs#(haha funny there's an actual graveyard there haha oh god)#ouch i just remembered that i kinda let larentius hollow#god he was so nice too#he literally trusted me with a part of himself dude wth i feel horrible#the fromsoft experience™#i remember when i felt terrible for getting the immortal severance ending in sekiro#NOT MY BOI KURO DAMNIT#and wolf becoming a sculptor like the proof of an endless cycle of suffering that i failed to break...#god i hate that ending#*sigh* back to ds1 at least siegmeyer is still alive and jolly as ever#except he met me at firelink and said he was going somewhere and now i'm terrified that's he's just gonna die too ahahahahahah help#NOT YOU TOO ONIONBRO STAY ALIVE OR I'LL... I'LL KILL YOU#...sorry for venting in the tags#AND THE WORST OFFENDER IS THAT I HAD TO KILL HIM MYSELF FUCK#i'm so sorry my friend... my sunbro...#dark souls
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:/
#vent incoming#id really appreciate it if my ex uhhh respected my boundaries#like its nothing groundbreaking#but she likes to go out with people drinking and whenever she does shes very unfocused when responding to my messages#(we have lengthy conversations about stuff and she keeps them going despite hanging out with people which no comment there)#and I always get overwhelmed and anxious when it goes on for a long while because I cant make sense of the conversation n stuff#so i tried to push the conversations into a lull whenever she was out#and last weekend i kinda lost my patience with it and told her directly that i dont fuck with this anymore and i refuse to do this#we can have a few 'hi how are you where you at how you doing whats up' kinda stuff going but never the in depth stuff we talk about#she was whiny but eventually just let me have my way because i wouldnt entertain the rest#and today she was responding kinda funny and i wondered if its just me being bad at talking again or if shes busy with stuff#no :) she went out and didnt tell me :) and she just slipped up because she was frustrated about her friend getting drunk :)#i shouldnt even be posting this but ugh I am just. so tired#i get it she missed me cause i was away for most of the day and wouldnt even respond cause i dont use data when im out#but pulling this is just not it
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🦋
#i know i shouldnt even look#like i really should just stop obsessively checking his blogs#out of sound out of mind#and i have already muted his notifs on the messaging app#but that makes it hard to open it which i do bc im talking to two other ppl on there#i shouldnt check his blog... but i have like fomo lok#lol*#i dont wanna miss out on any potential knowledge#even if i know ... i should learn how to be fine with not knowing#since he doesnt wanna be the loml skkskskskak#i shouldnt be investing this much energy into someone who doesnt even want me in his life#so why do i keep doing that.....#it's just hard to stop checking#bc since he isnt talking to me his blogs are the only content and crumbs i get from him#if i stop checking his blogs it's like he wont be in my life at all and how do i cope with that#i know it's what's good for me but i just cant do it :((#also i just miss when we were mutuals#and when he liked my posts and reblogged from me and replied to my posts....#whenever i post pics i get so sad bc he never likes them (he doesnt even see them lmao)#he likes other ppl's pics and he reblogs them too#but never for me.....#idk guess that just kinda hurts lmao#the thing is#he SAID he cared abt me. that i was one of the very few ppl he liked this way#he SAID all of those things and it's not smth i just assumed or made up#so now it's hard for me to let it go bc it wasnt 100% one sided as it usually is#idk what to do this is eating me up fr
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literally 1 review on etsy lowering my entire average from 5 stars to 4.9 and it like. shouldnt be there imo so im mad abt it
#97#like i cant do shit about it but.#someone left me a 1 star review bc their envelope got lost in the mail instead of contacting me#when i have a policy that i refund or replace lost orders#and then refused to have it refunded or replaced when i reached out??#so why are you giving me 1 star for someting out of my control that you dont even want me to fix#its soooo petty of me to fixate on but its. ONE review.#out ot 600+ which are nearly all 5 star 😭#and that singular 1 bad review changed my entire score. i had 5 stars up until getting it#(etsy has this 'star seller thing' where if you reply fast to messages send orders on time and get good reviews u get a badge)#(and like i have the badge dgmw but.)#(i have 100% fast replies 100% on-time shipping and im literally just 0.1 points from also having a perfect review score)#(and its this ONE SINGLE ONLY unwarranted bad review keeping me from it)#(what can i say im a completionist i wanna get perfect scores :( )#(++ idk how many more 5 star reviews im gonna need for it to balance my score back to perfect?)#(i think i may need to get several hundred perfect reviews to balance out one bad review)#i also get some 4 star reviews sometimes and im kinda sad that theres never a comment so idk what was wrong w it?#like if im perfectly satisfied w an order id leave 5 stars so i have to assume theres smthing missing but they never say#but yknow. 4 stars is still good
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Talked to my sister on the phone for three hours straight and it was probably the most personal we got with each other. Talking about the shit our parents put us through and how they never stopped the cycle of abuse. I was surprised because I told her i was glad our mom was gone and she wasn't mad at me over it which i expected. I also started crying during that conversation lol and we changed topics since i couldn't handle it. But like yeah. I also told her i was gonna try seeing my favorite aunt while in the hospital but i might leave before im able to see her because the only time she can see me is during spring break and i wanted to see her at least once. She was worried about me too. My dad didn't want me to tell anyone i was hospitalized because he doesn't trust anyone. I trust HER though. I love her a lot ever since I was little and looked up to her ever since I was little since I used to hang around her a lot when my great grandma was still alive.
Regardless, i told my sister about her seeing me and even if i can't see her here my sister said whenever shes free she can plan us three to do something together even if my sister doesn't like my favorite aunt. Since my dad only trusts my sister to go out alone.
I never got along with my sister a lot but i think all we needed like was a private conversation without our father knowing because i never get privacy and hes like really suffocating. He got mad and petty because i talked to my sister on the phone for so long and didn't call him for a while so that says enough 😔
#I'm just tired#i genuinely had sooo much fun talking to her#then called my father after and he made me feel really awful when i tried to joke with him#im tired im tired#he made me wanna kill myself recently#and i messaged my sister about it and she helped me out a bit#im so tired#i kinda dont wanna go back home#not anymore#but i do miss my siblings#i have talks like this with my brother too when we're inside his room#we are careful our dad doesnt hear#hence why we dont have them often
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Btw today is a month since this blog was shadowbanned 🥳🥳
#Uhm.#I don't have words#Anyways I was suspending the queue thinking the shadowban would be temporary (and exams)#but given it clearly isn't. temporary. and I have stuff to post / reblog I will probably resume it with February#(Well. not tomorrow because of the episode or the second because of the chapter–#but unless sskk goes canon or something the third shall be it)#Also because like. I miss sskk and there's too many sskk posts going from June it'd be too bad not to post#I'm mostly sorry for the Akutagawa side blog tbh? Like with this blog I kinda came to terms with the accomodation of keeping it reblogs–#focused and the other original posts centered.#Despite the initial trauma it isn't even that bad because before my original posts kept getting lost in reblogs so it's a nice solution!#(Wow I just realized. After all the pain I went through when this blog was first blocked‚ the last stage of grief really IS acceptance)#But the Akutagawa blog got shadowbanned like one week after creation and although I love running it and looking for pics.#Idk I wish it got a little more traction before disappearing to the void#But there's little I can do I guess. Trust me when I tell you I tried anything I can do– well‚ besides messaging staff every day#But how could I ever do that 😞#I feel my mental state deteriorating day after day and it's always harder to do things during the day#but it's okay tomorrow is Wungo Wednesday and that's sure to fix me <33#random rambles
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please contact people you love if and whenever you want to (even if it's been years or months) because people remember you way more than you think !!
#— alathea speaks#in 2019-2021 i was a really into editing anime on instagram lol#and i lost contact with one of my friends on there when i kinda just picked up and left#but mid last year i messaged her bc i thought of her often and missed her a lot (it'd been like two ish years since we last talked!!)#and she literally replied back today saying she missed me too#i'll cry#also like last year an online friend that i was really close with in 2020 wished me happy birthday even though we hadn't spoken in ages#love is so real
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that moment when you think about a friend you haven't seen in 2 years and you realize wow the attachment issues are strong with this one
#just blahs#kinda rant/vent in the tags bcs i feel like maybe writing it out will make me feel better but making it as a part of the post seems too much#anyways lmao#said friend was basically my first real friend that i can actually remember and we were literally inseperable for the like . 2 years we had#but then they had to move away#and yeah i technically still have their discord and i can (do) message them every once in a while#but like . im constantly worried that maybe they wish i just stopped#Im always the one to reach out to them first mostly because like every once in a while i literally just sit and cry bcs i miss them#and i have no idea if they miss me too#because they were literally such a vital part of my life but maybe i wasn't as vital in theirs#maybe one day ill actually talk to them about all this#maybe some day I'll tell them that i have a playlist dedicated to them that i listen to sometimes when i miss them and want to cry#maybe some day I'll tell them that i still always sleep with the little plushy they gave me the day before they left#maybe some day I'll tell them how much i want them back and if maybe . just *maybe* they want me back#or maybe some day they'll tell me they've moved on and that i can stop checking in on them every few months#maybe theyll tell me that its weird that i *havent* moved on#because its been two god fucking damn years#thats plenty of time for me to just forget about them and move the fuck on .#its not like i don't have new close friends anymore . bcs i do . but theyre not *them*#i just want to know if they miss me even just a bit as much as i miss them#i need to know .#idk#i really shouldn't be allowed to stay up until almost 4 am lmao#anyways . might delete this in the morning we'll see#I'm just in a missing them mood rn im fine
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vaniiii ehe hiya :3 umm we got a system sideblog if yer interested in seein more of us... but ummmm hiya !!!! i missed ya n im glad t' see ya... do ya got any advice fer copin wit' lack of attention from an fp.... we're okay but if ya got anythin it might be helpful for us :33 ehe i love yaaaa -🪴
MIIIIIKAAAAA!!!!!!!!! i missed u guys </3 i would love to see more of u tho i miss you guys when you're not around... although i guess technically you are since you said we're mutuals but skdghds
ough. tbh i've been pretty lucky insofar that i haven't had a lotta issues with that... but in my experience usually if i gotta be left alone for awhile distracting myself helps a lot? like. go down a wikipedia rabbit hole, or do a puzzle, or play a game you get super invested in. just something to focus on so you don't end up in your own head kinda thing yanno??? otherwise don't feel bad to just. ask for attention? like. it's not illegal to have human desires. and as long as your fp isn't busy or something they probably don't mind talking with you a lil :3 although idk for sure i know everyone has different relationships with their fp so ^^; do not listen to me if you know it'll cause you harm/strife/etc :< also naps. bc those pass the time reaaaaal quick. its like a lifehack. feeling bad? take a nap. you'll either feel amazing after or like you got smacked in the face with a trout ! oh and also like. doing schoolwork or smth productive maybe? thats not really fun tho so dskghds maybe pick up a kinda time-consuming hobby like crochet or cross-stitch or something where you can use that to distract yourself and have something to do with your hands :3?
but if its like. ur Already Feeling Bad i recommend like. watching a movie/tv show/etc that you really like or getting a Little Treat(tm) or something :3 curl up with a cozy blanket and drink some hot cocoa or tea or something !! its not like. a sure-fire fix. but i find the combo of distraction + comfort media + Little Treat tends to make you feel at least a lil better :3 also if it gets Very Bad just like. destroy some old school work you don't need or somethin. tearing papers to shreds is sooooooo fun. make sure u don't accidentally rip up something you need though skjghds it helps to calm down a lil and then you can work on relaxing a little more !! its not like. guaranteed. but sometimes gettin some of the destructive urges out helps
ily2 mika <3 i would die for u btw /lh
#at least i get destructive urges idk. i usually just rip up papers and stuff i don't need if i get like that#most of the time i can just deal w/ it via distractions (mmmm shitty mobile games) but !! sometimes u gotta Rip And Tear#most of my strats are just. distract urself. bc it gives you time to calm down and process stuff even if you don't realize it#so. ye. jus kinda be nice to yourself :3 it helps a little. perhaps get a plushie to cuddle with even#i have plushies my fp got me and i keep them on my bed and cuddle them when i miss them nd stuff#it helps a little !!! making yourself feel better can be rlly hard tho so don't feel bad if you struggle a bit !!#find some friends to talk to too if you can !!! it rlly helps to have people to talk to even if they don't entirely get it#just having other people around can help. i message with a few friends when my fp is busy sometimes and it helps keep the loneliness#at bay a little :3 but !! obv i cannot guarantee any of this will work for you !! but hopefully some of it is helpful at least !!!#I FORGOR U CAN'T PUT READ MORES IN ASKS. AUGH. this got so long srry mika ily#anyway !!! i am glad to see u :3 i was thinking abt u guys recently actually sdkghsd#i was worried u guys might've been one of the people in recent times that've blocked me or something orz#ily. stay safe. nd !! lemme know if i can help you guys somehow :3#im not like the most versed in system nor bpd stuff but ! i have my silly little experiences to go off of#system anon 🪴#long post#<- j. just in case. bc this did get Long. oopsies
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literally why the hell am i always so anxious to call out of work
#marine myths rambles#like... worst that could happen is they fire me for calling out too much. but then i get to find a new job (is not too fond of current job)#(mostly bc of how the higher ups treat their employees. i actually quite like most of my coworkers n the actual work isnt tht bad sometimes)#(i just think the owners dont fkn know how to properly compensate or take care of their employees. its kinda wack. anyways.)#i guess i just need more ways to say tht i cant come into work bc i feel like im repetitive#literally as i was typing the last tag i got a message asking abt when i can make up the hours. like...#i offered a day tht works for me but apparently not for them bc its too many hrs for me in one week?? idk but im just like.#what do u want me to say. im already working extra days bc i was asked to. n u want me to make up the hrs im missing??? huh???#imagine if i quit rn. (i wouldnt bc id rather have another job lined up before leaving my current job if possible. but the thought is There)#anyways off topic as all hell but im thinking abt changing my url should i just do it n not say anything? would anyone care even?? lmao#would love to hear any thoughts and opinions (abt both the url and my work sitch if uve got em tbh)
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