#i kinda miss when they just messaged me
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sugarkillsall · 1 year ago
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truly bonkers that this site will flag vaguely nude drawings at the drop of a hat but I can be presented a random women's entire pussy as a recommended post at any given moment from a bot
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stormyweaver · 3 months ago
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I have a Mighty Need for your First Time for Everything continuation.
You and me both, Poni! (there would be a crying laughing emoji here if I was on mobile)
I made like barely any headway yesterday on part 3, but I'm still trying to juggle not sleeping well with work + school, so unfortunately fun things like writing and hopefully soon drawing are taking a backseat for the time being.
Kind of.
I'm still making time for it, but I also can't afford to like... dedicate as much time as I'd want to solely to writing fun stuff. The inspiration is there beneath all the extra shit, it's just hard to say 'Alright here's my hour or two of writing time!' when I'm exhausted and frankly too brain-dead to think and write cohesively.
Plus, I've been chronically online for a long, long time and I'm kinda trying to shift that this year because being online for too long (especially in a community like this) isn't healthy for me personally. I just tend to get sucked in and spend hours doing absolutely nothing productive or even relaxing or fun. It's purely doomscrolling.
Anyway, TL;DR: Part 3 is in the works but I have no definite date, nor will I have one until I can settle a lot of stuff outside of this space. It's super nice to know that someone's looking forward to it though! :3
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moping-hours · 4 months ago
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My friends don't hate me, they're just busy.
My friends don't hate me, they're just busy.
My-
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girlcrushau · 10 months ago
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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stormyoceans · 6 months ago
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VV was and is always my favorite performance from Jimmy and Sea. It's such a great story about love, friendship......and the COLORS, goshhh the colors 😭 your gif make me feel so nostalgic
SOOOOOOOO TRUE OF YOU TO SAY THAT ANON VICE VERSA WILL REALLY ALWAYS BE THEE SERIES™ LIKE EVERYONE ON THAT SET WAS ON A MISSION TO PUT AS MUCH CRAZY PEOPLE JUICE IN THOSE CREATIVE DECISIONS AS THEY POSSIBLY COULD AND BY GOOD DID THEY DELIVER
they simply gave us everything!!!!!!!! colors symbolism cinematography storytelling originality imagery characters' growth the soundtrack of all time the breaking of the 11 episode curse the reflection on the self friendship family accountability romanticism parallelism soulmatism true lovism actor sea tawinan outselling outslaying outperforming everyone and doctor jimmy showing up on set every single day to gaze at sea with a love so all consuming and full of yearning and a devotion so palpable and plain to see it drives people to the brink of suicide!!!!!!!!!!!
every week was just win after win after win and then we got our skyy 2 and proceeded to win some more we literally won so hard that i could actually taste the colors they used in the show IT REALLY WAS SUCH AN UNPRECEDENTED UNPARALLELED UNMATCHED TELEVISION EXPERIENCE I GENUINELY MISS IT EVERY SINGLE DAY NOTHING WILL EVER COMPARE
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babacontainsmultitudes · 2 years ago
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*waving awkwardly at whoever happens to be walking by* Just a little heads up (since I guess I feel weird not giving any sort of notice?) that I’ll be making a point to be on here much less going forward (not disappearing, I’ll still be around, but probably only popping in now and again)… At least for now! Summer is always a difficult time of year for me, to be honest with you, and being chronically online definitely won’t help with that. So… Yeah! As per usual feel free to @ me to make sure I see something (y’all can also dm me lol no need to be shy). 💜
That’s it! Again just felt like leaving a little notice aha… Anyhoo, y’all take care and be safe :] ✌️
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llitchilitchi · 10 months ago
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:/
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ichigosoju · 8 months ago
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🦋
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shutupdia · 9 months ago
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Talked to my sister on the phone for three hours straight and it was probably the most personal we got with each other. Talking about the shit our parents put us through and how they never stopped the cycle of abuse. I was surprised because I told her i was glad our mom was gone and she wasn't mad at me over it which i expected. I also started crying during that conversation lol and we changed topics since i couldn't handle it. But like yeah. I also told her i was gonna try seeing my favorite aunt while in the hospital but i might leave before im able to see her because the only time she can see me is during spring break and i wanted to see her at least once. She was worried about me too. My dad didn't want me to tell anyone i was hospitalized because he doesn't trust anyone. I trust HER though. I love her a lot ever since I was little and looked up to her ever since I was little since I used to hang around her a lot when my great grandma was still alive.
Regardless, i told my sister about her seeing me and even if i can't see her here my sister said whenever shes free she can plan us three to do something together even if my sister doesn't like my favorite aunt. Since my dad only trusts my sister to go out alone.
I never got along with my sister a lot but i think all we needed like was a private conversation without our father knowing because i never get privacy and hes like really suffocating. He got mad and petty because i talked to my sister on the phone for so long and didn't call him for a while so that says enough 😔
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kyouka-supremacy · 2 years ago
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Btw today is a month since this blog was shadowbanned 🥳🥳
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meowkunas · 1 year ago
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please contact people you love if and whenever you want to (even if it's been years or months) because people remember you way more than you think !!
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justablah56 · 2 years ago
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that moment when you think about a friend you haven't seen in 2 years and you realize wow the attachment issues are strong with this one
#just blahs#kinda rant/vent in the tags bcs i feel like maybe writing it out will make me feel better but making it as a part of the post seems too much#anyways lmao#said friend was basically my first real friend that i can actually remember and we were literally inseperable for the like . 2 years we had#but then they had to move away#and yeah i technically still have their discord and i can (do) message them every once in a while#but like . im constantly worried that maybe they wish i just stopped#Im always the one to reach out to them first mostly because like every once in a while i literally just sit and cry bcs i miss them#and i have no idea if they miss me too#because they were literally such a vital part of my life but maybe i wasn't as vital in theirs#maybe one day ill actually talk to them about all this#maybe some day I'll tell them that i have a playlist dedicated to them that i listen to sometimes when i miss them and want to cry#maybe some day I'll tell them that i still always sleep with the little plushy they gave me the day before they left#maybe some day I'll tell them how much i want them back and if maybe . just *maybe* they want me back#or maybe some day they'll tell me they've moved on and that i can stop checking in on them every few months#maybe theyll tell me that its weird that i *havent* moved on#because its been two god fucking damn years#thats plenty of time for me to just forget about them and move the fuck on .#its not like i don't have new close friends anymore . bcs i do . but theyre not *them*#i just want to know if they miss me even just a bit as much as i miss them#i need to know .#idk#i really shouldn't be allowed to stay up until almost 4 am lmao#anyways . might delete this in the morning we'll see#I'm just in a missing them mood rn im fine
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reel-fear · 2 years ago
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While I won’t deny that misogyny definitely plays a role in it, I also feel like one of the reasons people tend to want to focus more on Blitzwing than on Blackarachnia in fanworks is the same reason people are so obsessed with the secret bosses in Deltarune: the overall mystery surrounding his character.
Blitzwing and Blackarachnia are both unique, one-of-a-kind models, so people are naturally going to have three questions running through their minds upon their debut: what happened to them, what led up to that point, and who they used to be beforehand.
However, despite Blitzwing making more appearances than her, there’s still so little we know about him in comparison with Blackarachnia, who basically has her entire backstory revealed to us in her first spotlight episode. Even the information we do get regarding his past raises more questions than it answers, and that information’s Schrödinger’s canon at best. Fans are naturally drawn towards mysteries, so of course they’re going to be more interested in making content exploring and trying to solve those mysteries rather than just restricting themselves to stuff they already know.
I feel like the writing team showed their cards too early with Blackarachnia and left people with much less of a mystery to play around with other than “is techno-organicness reversible” and “will she cure herself or accept herself for who she is”. I think that maybe if they had had her make more appearances and held off on revealing her backstory until much later, while maybe dropping subtle hints of her knowing Optimus and Sentinel from somewhere and having once been an Autobot, people would feel like they had much more to work with.
(Also, from what I’ve seen, most Blitzwing fans are well aware of the ableist portrayal of his character but are usually neurodivergent themselves and thus have reclaimed him in a sense, alongside portraying him in a much more accurate manner to real-life DID and OSDD in fan works while still acknowledging that he’s an alien robot whose processor is much different from a human brain and thus would logically not be a complete one-to-one regarding analogous disabilities and mental disorders.)
So, I have been admittedly sitting on this ask for while bc it's been hard to digest and fully think about the points being made here. I don't want to get defensive on an impulse so I wanted to kinda stew on it a bit and read it over and over to see how my thoughts change. But really my thoughts are the same as when I first saw it which is most of this? Really just reads as excuses for Blitzwing's popularity that distract from the real causes being sexism and fandom's bias towards conventally attractive characters.
I want to go through this point by point but the TDLR; almost everything said here is also true for other characters who are very much not as popular as Blitzwing usually bc of sexism or not being the kind of characters the fandom cares to pay attention to. Sure you could point out all the things Blitzwing has that BA doesnt and say 'those are the things that make him more popular' but that ignores all the things BA has that Blitzwing doesn't. [Motivation, a personality, complexities, story relevence, she's not a horrible potrayal of the mentally ill, narrative focus etc] That the fandom just pretends don't exist and barely awknowledge, you can't just shy away from the reality that Blitzwing massively benefits from the misogyny present in this fandom because he's ur fave and you like him. That's only being complicit in it and turning a blind eye to it. Sure you could project a lot onto a bland male character and say you like him but you should also keep in mind the female characters who are ACTUALLY complex and interesting characters you tossed to the side to focus on him. I get that you 'awknoledged' the misogny in the first bit of the ask, but when you follow that up with... That it really doesnt come accross as genuine.
Anyways I'm gonna disect this message and talk about why I simply do not buy it.
Firstly
"While I won’t deny that misogyny definitely plays a role in it, I also feel like one of the reasons people tend to want to focus more on Blitzwing than on Blackarachnia in fanworks is the same reason people are so obsessed with the secret bosses in Deltarune: the overall mystery surrounding his character.
Blitzwing and Blackarachnia are both unique, one-of-a-kind models, so people are naturally going to have three questions running through their minds upon their debut: what happened to them, what led up to that point, and who they used to be beforehand."
I'm going to be blunt, this is something SO many characters in TFA have going on. Lugnut is a great example of a character who has way more screentime than Blitzwing [remember Blitzwing disappears by S3 and is replaced by Shockwave as an evil minion but Lugnut stays] but is still almost entirely a mystery in terms of backstory motivation etc. But Lugnut is almost NEVER the center of fan content unless being made to be the butt of the joke and when he does appear hes usually just used as a tool to progress Blitzwing's character, someone to pressure him abt being in the cons, someone to be mean to him, etc.
But Lugnut is an entirely unique design with a helm look no other character has and claws that resemble the ones given to empurata bots in IDW. We don't even know why he hates the autobots so intensely but seeing how fucked up the autobots are in TFA why isn't there more theorizing about what exactly they did to make him need to see their downfall so badly? To the point where Lugnut is constantly at the feet praising someone who he doesn't even know would throw him to the side and leave him for dead the INSTANT it was convient for him.
You could say people don't explore it bc its played as a joke but so is everything about Blitzwing's character, esp his DID which is in increadibly poor taste. No, it's because Lugnut is fat and 'ugly', the fandom has no interest in him, same way they have so little interest in Bulkhead compared to other characters. He's just not hot enough to become the little sexyboy of the fandom. So he's tossed the side same way Bulkhead is. Not to mention characters like Arcee also have a ton of mystery surrounding them but they're women so...
"However, despite Blitzwing making more appearances than her, there’s still so little we know about him in comparison with Blackarachnia, who basically has her entire backstory revealed to us in her first spotlight episode. Even the information we do get regarding his past raises more questions than it answers, and that information’s Schrödinger’s canon at best. Fans are naturally drawn towards mysteries, so of course they’re going to be more interested in making content exploring and trying to solve those mysteries rather than just restricting themselves to stuff they already know.
I feel like the writing team showed their cards too early with Blackarachnia and left people with much less of a mystery to play around with other than “is techno-organicness reversible” and “will she cure herself or accept herself for who she is”. I think that maybe if they had had her make more appearances and held off on revealing her backstory until much later, while maybe dropping subtle hints of her knowing Optimus and Sentinel from somewhere and having once been an Autobot, people would feel like they had much more to work with."
Gonna be honest these paragraphs really piss me off LMAO, BA's mystery goes so much deeper than the two questions provided here such as the fact when trying to cure herself it's almost always potrayed as painful and life THREATENING! The mystery and tension of her character isn't' will she cure herself and can she?' its whether or not she will KILL HERSELF trying to cure her disability. Will she leave the cons? Will she grow to become a better person or keep spiralling down into evil? Fans are drawn to mystery sure but only when that mystery involves a sexy man, when it involved a woman character whose biggest mystery is whether or not her self loathing will kill her, its uninteresting and not worth their time, if they even bother to awknowledge it instead of just making her a scary villain/abuser for their male faves to be sad.
I also have to ask on this point too, fans tend to HEAVILY ignore any canon Blitzwing has either way, nobody awknowledges the bigotry towards organics/techno organics he displays, nor the levels of cruelty so why does canon even really matter in this discussion when as far as fanon is concerned it doesnt? It's excuses. It only matters now bc now people wanna justify the reason BA is a mean evil woman and Blitzwing is a sad puppy boy with so many complexities in fanon without facing the actual reason that is.
And while we're talking about things Blitzwing has that BA doesn't let's talk about all the things BA has that Blitzwing doesn't.
She's not a horrible potrayal of DID
She has complexities to her character beyond being an evil minon for the sake of being evil whose also 'the Crazy one'
She has narrative importance
She got told she should fucking die by one of her friends bc he hated her scarring so much.
She is shown to at least somewhat care for others when she spares Prowl and Bee despite not having gotten her part of the deal.
She has likely faced that sort of bigotry all the time and had to flee her home bc of it.
She has so much mystery behind how she joined the cons, why she joined the cons when they seem to show the same disgust to her as the autobots.
She's an interesting character.
I could go on but I'm not going to. F- on this point.
Now the last point which to me is the most BS
(Also, from what I’ve seen, most Blitzwing fans are well aware of the ableist portrayal of his character but are usually neurodivergent themselves and thus have reclaimed him in a sense, alongside portraying him in a much more accurate manner to real-life DID and OSDD in fan works while still acknowledging that he’s an alien robot whose processor is much different from a human brain and thus would logically not be a complete one-to-one regarding analogous disabilities and mental disorders.)
this is just not fucking true, 99% of content of Blitzwing I have seen either has people declaring him good rep [I have seen this several times] or is just talking about how sexy he is, its very very rare the horrible potrayal of his disability is awknowledged. Hell Blitzbee has such a deathgrip on the fandom and one of the nicknames Bee constantly uses in that content is BLITZBRAIN, literally making fun of his disability more. Not to mention how much of it is purposely making the scary disabled character scary on purpose. I'm not saying you cant enjoy or consume that content but you seriously have to be dumb to think the fandom is aware of or cares about this issue.
Also on the 'making him more accurate' I've never seen fanon do this truly and honestly. Where is the childhood truama? The awknowledgement that DID doesn't work the way Blitzwing shows it? I almost never see any fan content that wasn't just copying what TFA potrayed with him. Where are you finding this?
And lastly you can't just say youve 'Reclaimed' something and suddenly its okay, Hasbro knows how much this fandom loves TFA Blitzwing, you guys spend money on him you praise him you dont talk about how bad rep he is. If Hasbro rereleased TFA Blitzwing right now so many fans would flock to get him not even thinking about the fact THAT ENCOURAGES HASBRO TO THINK THAT THIS POTRAYAL OF THE MENTALLY ILL IS OKAY. This is just an excuse to consume content of Blitzwing uncritically to produce content of him uncritically! What about all the times DID swag polls esp ones involving good rep for them INCLUDED BLITZWING?? Did the runners of those who might not even know what TFA is say it was okay to send in a character who is clearly a mean spirited potrayal of them?? You can't just say Blitzwing is reclaimed and therefore its okay, you guys haven't even properly awknowledged all the things wrong with his character being a horrible potrayal of DID enough to get the sense to not fucking submit him into polls abt it. Let alone to produce half decent content of him.
Anyways thats it, I dont mean any of this aggression directly towards you anon, writing and posting a bad opinion on the internet does not justify harassment or hatred, but I dont feel a need to pull my punches when the fandom has been justifying this for so long, therefore. I didn't. I said what I thought of this message and if others agree then maybe I have a point.
Either way this is a discussion long Long overdue so Im putting this in the tags bc I think this fandom seriously needs a wake up call.
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cryptidapprentice · 1 year ago
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literally why the hell am i always so anxious to call out of work
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bunibelles · 1 year ago
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Intrusive thoughts hour 😭🫶🏼
#I need to check messages more often#I think my friend who graduated visited campus#and then I message their story#and read up after thinking huh I wonder how they’re doing#ONLY TO REALIZE I WAS THE ONE WHO NEVER READ THE MESSAGES 😭😭#so ngl it’s really my fault if smth doesn’t happen#cause it’ll be sad if I missed the one day they were here#like sometimes friends drift apart cause life gets busy#I know that#but also I miss them#and honestly it’s my fault a lot cause I’m like the worst at replying#I wish I had unlimited energy but that’s not it either#I know my mom said like if u really care u’d make time#and she’s right but also#a lot of times I don’t open messages cause I want to give people 110% when I respond back#but also that just kinda stops me from messaging people right??#like a terrible cycle that’s only in my head#I know it’s not a big deal#like my friend would probably be like haha I am on campus#but the instrusive thoughts are hitting deep rn </3#I miss u I wish I was better at reaching out I love u I hope ur doing well#small voice at the back of my head being like pls don’t forget about me#even tho girl it’s my own fault 😭#also another intrusive thought being like u only say all of this to justify not responding so honestly u could do better#and I can!!#so I should probably change this#hopefully it’s complicated… i say this a lot but it always gets back to this point#I hope people spam message me out of nowhere or don’t mind if I spam message them back#also irl stuff is actually busy cause extracurriculars are every single day 😭🫶🏼#Bella rambles
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jacksintention · 2 years ago
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#I was contemplating whether to message or not someone who told me to do so in May to see each other again#and like... On the one hand I want to. I so desperately want to#On the other hand... what do I do afterwards?#I've crafted so much of my life around the fact of seeing him again#I was content with that instant in December. More than content. I didn't expect him to be so happy to see me at all#And he told me he was leaving but he'd come back in May‚ to write him then to see each other at lenght#But after so much absence and honestly so little intimacy since the very beginning‚#and mainly having the chance of seeing him be what's kept me alive for a long while... it's like. What for? xD#We have nothing to say to each other and what do I do afterwards with my life?#So anyway I was contemplating this decision and#I really should learn better ways of coping with life. This is so stupid it's kinda humiliating#But he's meant so much to me. He means so much to me. I don't think he knows how much he's meant to me#But like. In a totally detached way xD He's one of my favourite people I've ever met. I enjoyed spending time with him#But it's not that. It's situational xD#I don't know. I just wanted to ramble a bit and this blog has fewer followers haha#I used to write these things down on notebooks but I'm afraid of someone reading them when I'm dead haha#Other than the instant in December I hadn't seen this man since 2015. It's been so long. I've missed him desperately but also I haven't#I can't believe his 'go into academia‚ that way we'll see each other again one day' worked#If someone is reading this‚ don't go into academia. It's depressing‚ it makes you resent what you love and it doesn't pay haha#It's stupid how many things I've ruined in my life for my detached attachment for this particular person#with whom I never really had a close relationship. Yet here I am. And in part‚ indeed‚ here I am#I was considering the most effective way to kill myself when he told me to go into academia to meet again at some random conference in 2015#And I was going to kill myself this December until I saw him and he told me to meet him in May#And he was the only person to say the right words when I first tried to kill myself#I don't know what he does#But he always makes me want to live#The sky looks beautiful and violet when I watch it from beneath the jacaranda flowers and suddenly Tuesdays come back#I miss how his hands smelled of coffee in the mornings and how he blushed when you teased him. He had beautiful hands#I think I won't write to him. It seems unbearable. It seems unbearable to see him again and see everything that was and wasn't#and how much kinder my life could have been had I known how to manauver it. And it's unbearable losing the possibility of seeing him again
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