#i kind of forgot i had it and it made me have ptsd this whole past month so thank fuck for therapy on Monday

[reserwrekt]

My dad: u talk too much >.>

My family: ur dad talks too much

[xspeter]

WAITING ROOM

spencer reid x fem!reader

synopsis: you’ve never seen Spencer as anything other than perfect, but after a shockingly difficult case, you’re not sure he’ll ever be the same.

➪ heavy, HEAVY angst. like i sobbed in my bed while writing this. spencer’s mean in this, borderline verbal abuse, trauma/ptsd.

there was a time when you would’ve thought you and spencer meeting was the best thing to ever happen to you, and honestly for awhile… it was.

he was kind, funny, and even a little dorky.

but that’s why you loved him. every trait he saw as “embarrassing” or “weird” just made you love him even more. so that’s why when spencer returns home from a three week long case, the longest one he’s been on yet, you’re a little surprised to see the switch in attitude.

it’s around 7:30 pm and you’re making dinner for yourself. you won’t lie and say the past few weeks haven’t been lonely but you do your best to ignore it, holding back spencer from doing his passion is the last thinks you’d want to do, so you deal.

just as you’re finishing up your meal, alfredo, you hear the door being shut. you’re startled for a second and peak around the corner as silently as possible. usually when spencer’s on his way home he texts you and gives you a heads up, but he probably just forgot this time.

you release a breath, and make your way towards him quickly, “you scared me.” you huff, you begin to reach for a hug, but spencer steps back and gives you a look.

a mean look.

he walks off without a second glance, immediately heading for your bedroom and shutting the door. you swallow and furrow your eyebrows. he’s never reacted like that.

usually if he has a hard case and needs a minute alone he tells you, he’s never just walked off like that. you take in a deep breath and roll your neck. he’s obviously just stressed, something must’ve happened on the case but you’re not sure what.

that night you don’t see spencer again, by the time you’re laying in bed he’s still in the bathroom. you sigh and pull on your pajamas, you wanted to eat dinner with him and ask him what he needed from you to help him, but it’s obvious he doesn’t want that tonight.

tomorrow, you think, we’ll talk tomorrow.

-

when you wake, you expect to feel spencer’s chest pressed against your back and his arm around your waist, but you don’t. you turn to his side of the bed to see if maybe he’s just laying away from you, but he’s not there at all.

you sit up and run a hand over your face, groggily walking towards the kitchen. when you enter you see spencer sitting at the table, reading through piles of files.

“spencer?” you question hesitantly, you’re not sure if he needs more space. “what is it?” he huffs, never glancing up at you. “would you like to talk? about your case, i mean. i just… you seem a little off.” your voice gets quieter as you go on, and you can tell just by looking at spencer he’s not in the mood.

he huffs, running a hand through his hair, “i don’t need to talk about anything y/n. i just want to be alone.” he says, his tone is short and you nod your head. you walk back to the bedroom as quietly as possible, taking in a breath of air when you reach it.

spencer’s never been this short with you before, but you try to remind yourself that he’s just had a rough couple of weeks, obviously whatever happened in the case is something he doesn’t want to talk about right now and you won’t force him to open up when he isn’t comfortable.

instead of obsessing over whatever it is that’s bothering spencer, you get ready for work and leave spencer alone in the kitchen, still looking at files.

you yell out a goodbye and an i love you to him, but you never get a response.

-

it’s been 34 days since you’ve had a full conversation with spencer. it’s not because he’s out on any new cases, he actually hasn’t gotten any, it’s because he refuses to talk to you and you can’t figure out why.

you’ve spent more time crying in the shower over the past month than you think you ever have in your whole life.

tonights going to be different though you decide. you’re going to make him talk to you, because even if he is hurting, he’s hurting you in response.

you take a deep breath when you hear the familiar sound of the front door opening and closing. you’re sat at the kitchen table, fiddling with your thumbs.

he walks past you and begins to rummage through the fridge but you turn to him and with your, or atleast what your hoping is, your most confident voice.

“spencer, we need to talk.” you say and he pauses his movement and looks at you blankly and nods. he sits at the table and you take a deep breaths doing your best to hold eye contact with him.

“i know something happened on your last case. i also know you won’t tell me what it was and i know it’s causing you to practically jump at every chance you get to ignore me and i just… i need to know why. i need to know if it’s… if it’s something i did because- because i can’t keep living like this.”

spencer stares at you for a long moment. his eyes, those beautiful eyes that used to be filled with so much emotion and love are cold and distant.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.” he shrugs and begins to walk away but you pull at his arm before he can. “don’t lie spencer!” you huff, “when was the last time we had a full conversation? huh? two months ago? everytime you look at me it’s like- like you can’t stand the sight of me! and i just, i guess i just don’t understand what i did!” you gasp for air as you finish, you expect spencer to defend himself, but he doesn’t, instead he scoffs out a laugh.

“you- you just think everything is about you, huh? you can’t deal with the fact that maybe, just maybe, something doesn’t have anything to do with you. yes, okay, i’ll admit i’ve been avoiding you. but it’s only because everytime i look at you i feel so much hate that it hurts.” he says, pointing an excusing finger at you.

you aren’t sure what to say after that, you’re eyes are filling with tears faster than they ever have and your jaw hangs open. you try to find the words but you aren’t sure if you can, you’ve spent the last six years of your life with this man.

the very same man who used to take you on dates, and cuddled with you at night. the very same man who told you how much he loved you, and looked at you like you were his whole world. the very same man who just told you he hated you.

he hates you.

you aren’t sure what to say after that, so you walk away and sit on the couch to catch your breath.

you both stay in silence for what feels like forever, but couldn’t have been more than thirty seconds. “you don’t mean that.” you say, “spencer, please tell me you don’t mean that! please!” you’re sobbing now, your body convulsing with each sob that forces it’s way past your lips.

spencer doesn’t respond for a minute before he sits next to you.

“i don’t know, y/n. the case… the case i was on they… it was… it was the worst case i’ve ever done. and the killer she, she reminds me so much of you. god, you guys even talk similarly. she was one of the worst people i’ve ever met, and now everytime i look at you all i can see is her. and i don’t… i don’t know how to make it stop.”

you don’t know how to respond to that. what do you say when your boyfriend sees a serial killer everytime he looks at you?

“i think we should take a break, y/n.”

your mouth goes dry and you pace the room. you know he’s right, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. “spencer… can we just talk about this?” you beg, the tears beginning to well in your eyes again.

spencer shakes his head, unable to meet your eyes. “i don’t know how to love you anymore.” he whispers.

spencer’s gone the next day, his bags packed and any trace of him lost.

it’ll take time to heal and you know that, you just wished maybe you and spencer could’ve worked out, but if it wasn’t meant to be it wasn’t meant to be.

-

yeah…. i hate this hit i just wanted to get it out!

[holly-louisexox]

Ribcage X Andy Biersack- Part 29

Masterlist

"There's one thing you should know about me Delia Vincent, I don't date. Got no heart to break and emptiness is safe, keep it that way."

He was adamant in his choices...

...But then things changed.

Author's note:

Trigger warning: Mention of the deadly C word (Cancer) and PTSD. Please be kind to yourself if this upsets you.

-------------

After Delia was released from the hospital, she could not wait to escape Seattle. Thankfully the tests had come back with no evidence of anything meaning she was in the clear; all she was left with were crutches to accommodate her broken ankle. Standing in the airport awaiting the Ohio flight to be called for boarding was all she was looking forward to, although she was also extremely glad that Andy was also flying to Ohio so that she did not have to travel alone in this state; she would have been embarrassed to travel through the airports with a chaperon hot at her heals.

"D, make sure you message all of us as soon as you get a SIM card for your new phone, you've been such a great friend and we have got to stay in contact so I need your new number! Hopefully, we get to work together again soon!" Shevy Rambles "I'm going to miss you so much."

"Of course, I will Shevy, it's been such a pleasure working with everyone." Delia smiles.

"Come here." Shevy calms her tone before pulling Delia into an awkward hug; trying to hug someone whilst on crutches was not a fun experience, Delia felt as if she was fighting to stay balanced; but she welcomed the hug from her new best friend regardless.

"Shevy, please try not to break Delia anymore than she already is." Andy laughs slightly whilst he keeps a watchful eye on Delia's wobbling; the last thing he wants is for Delia to fall and hurt herself more than she already was.

"Make sure you look after her Andy." Shevy is strict as she carefully pulls away from the hug with Delia and stares at Andy "Please don't hurt her."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Andy smiles wrapping an arm around Delia's waist to stabilise her balance and to keep her close to him protectively.

"It's good to see you happy again Andy." CC grins looking between him and Delia.

"It's nice not having to pretend like I don't care anymore. I'm sorry for all the shit I put you all through for so long." Andy apologises. "Thank you for not giving up on me though."

"We could never give up on you Andy." Jake states placing a hand on the singer's shoulder.

"Hopefully you'll be able to join us on our next tour Delia." Lonny speaks up but it's almost a plea.

"I would love to, if you'll all have me." Delia nods making the group, apart from Andy, all cheer a yes.

"Of course we want you on our next tour, I need you with me on our next tour." Andy smiles down at Delia due to their slight height difference before placing a soft kiss on her lips when she looks up at him.

"Okay kids, enough PDA please, some of us are still missing our partners." Jinxx laughs making the two of them pull away.

"Oh Andy, I nearly forgot, I passed your number onto Officer Davies for any updates regarding the whole situation. Although I imagine that psycho will spend a long time behind bars." Lonny states.

"Righ, thanks, Lon." Andy nods tightening his grip on Delia, the thought of Sam made him feel sick. When he saw Sam standing over Delia at that gas station he could have killed him, he wanted to kill him. 

"As glad as I am that Sam is in prison, I feel bad for the families of those other women. I managed to survive, they didn't." Delia confesses sadly.

"I think that's a normal response D but without you, Sam would still be out there. Those families are probably grateful for you as you're the one who escaped and got him put behind bars." Lonny explains as the whole group looks at her with sympathy evident in their eyes.

"I guess you're right Lonny." Delia sighs as she puts on a smile to the group.

"American Airlines flight to Cincinnati, Ohio is now boarding. Please make your way to gate 15." A male voice is heard over the tannoy system which instantly makes Delia freeze up; she knows it is not Sam announcing the flight. But the accent, the authoritative way of speaking, gave her unwanted flashbacks of Sam.

"Hey, you're okay." Andy tries to comfort Delia by gently rubbing her side as he sees the terrified expression on her face, the nurse at the hospital had spoken to Andy privately about the high possibility of Delia suffering PTSD from what had happened. The nurse told him some common signs and symptoms and how to handle it. "It's just a staff member announcing our flight, is it a flashback?"

"Yeah, sorry it's just, the accent and the way the guy said it. It made me think of Sam." Delia confesses; in her mind, she kept telling herself that the situation could have been worse. She was told that the emotions she felt could last anywhere between 6 to 12 months, but she didn't want to acknowledge it. She had been through similar stuff with her dad, but she had ignored it and threw herself into work as a distraction, that's what she wanted to do again.

"D, you trust us right?" Shevy asks wrapping an arm carefully around Delia's shoulders.

"Of course." Delia nods.

"You're going to be okay, we're all here for you. Andy is going to be only a short drive from you and you're going to be with your parents. Nothing is going to hurt you." Shevy breaks it down so that Delia's frenzied mind can process it all. "So why don't you catch that flight with Mr clingy next to you and go see your parents, I know you miss them."

"Thanks Shevy." Delia smiles.

"I'm not clingy Shevy." Andy shakes his head.

"Of course you're not." Shevy grins looking at the two of them after she had removed her arms from around Delia's shoulders "Have a wonderful time at home you two!"

------------------

"They keep looking at me." Delia mumbles to Andy as she noticed the couple in the row opposite them glancing her way occasionally.

"They're probably jealous of how gorgeous you are." Andy compliments trying to get a smile on Delia's face, he does not want to question her or try to brush off her concerns for fear of upsetting her.

"Whilst I appreciate the compliment, look at me, Andy." Delia sighs not able to accept the compliment fully or believe Andy "I've got this hideous cast and crutches, I'm covered in bruises... I'm far from attractive right now."

"You're always going to look beautiful to me Delia, cast and bruises or that killer eyeliner you wore every show day that made your eyes stand out in any crowd." Andy is sincere "I'm sorry you had to go through what you did but I'm here for you, anything you need, you're important to me Delia."

"Thank you, Andy." Delia smiles weakly "Could I have a hug?"

"Of course." Andy smiles back before gently wrapping his arms around Delia's shoulder and softly kissing the top of her head.

"I'm going to be stuck on the sofa." Delia starts laughing suddenly which catches Andy off guard a little.

"What?" Andy asks in confusion.

"I won't be able to get up the stairs to my room, I'm going to be stuck to the sofa." Delia continues to laugh despite feeling tears fall down her face as she realises how shit her situation is.

"We'll find a way to get you up the stairs, even if I have to come over daily to carry you up and down them." Andy teases, although deep down he is also serious, he really would do that for Delia if it meant her being comfortable and getting well-needed rest. "Though sofas are pretty comfortable too."

"That's true." Delia continues to laugh as she leans further into Andy's side.

-----------------------------

"This is the car you've rented out whilst in Ohio?" Delia is shocked as she looks at the Audi A5 that sits outside the airport for them.

"Yeah, it's the same model I have in Los Angeles. They're comfortable and easy to drive, plus they look cool." Andy shrugs, he knew that Delia was talking about the cost of it but that did not matter to him. "Anyway, let's get you home."

After opening the car door and helping Delia get in the car, Andy climbs into the driver's seat before starting the engine. Thankfully Delia and her parents did not live far from Andy's parents so he knew exactly where he was going, it would make it easier for Andy to visit Delia whilst he was here too. 

"You're sure you know where you're going?" Delia asks jokingly "You're not going to get us lost are you?"

"A city that I grew up in?" Andy states as he pretends to think about it "Considering you're only 20 minutes away from my parents I think you're okay."

"Is it bad that I'm nervous to see my parents again?" Delia's tone drops slightly "I've never been this long away from them, plus with everything that has happened and the state I'm in, going home seems different."

"I think that's a normal response, you know they're excited to see you though. Look how happy your mum was to hear you on the phone." Andy explains not taking his eyes off the road.

"That's true." Delia sighs still feeling her nerves. "Going home just feels different, I feel different."

"You're not different Delia, deep down you are still the same beautiful woman who drove me crazy, and you helped me realize what I was missing." Andy sincerely explains as he places a hand gently on Delia's thigh, making Delia's heart flutter. "How about tomorrow we go out, just me and you? We can get that SIM card sorted out, get some lunch, and try to ease you back into not being on the road."

"That sounds great." Delia smiles.

----------------------

"If you go and get the front door open, I'll get your stuff from the back of the car." Andy plans as he helps Delia step out of the door.

"I can take my backpack at least, you don't need to carry everything." Delia argues as she accepts Andy's hand to help get her out of the car.

"No, no. You go and see your parents, I've got this." Andy shakes his head slightly whilst smiling.

"You're not by any chance trying to impress Mum and Dad are you?" Delia teases smirking.

"Maybe a little bit." Andy scratches the back of his neck nervously "Plus I don't want you getting hurt anymore than you already are, it's been a long day; you should rest and-"

"Andy." Delia cuts him off before pressing her lips to his making him instantly relax "It's sweet that you care."

"I'm always going to care about you Delia, like I said, you're important to me." Andy smiles stroking Delia's cheek lightly before placing his lips on hers again. "Come on, let's not keep your parents waiting."

"Okay." Delia smiles as they separate.

Every hop Delia had to take on the crutches hurt her ribs, every hop made her grow more and more sick of her situation. Delia had never wanted to be able to walk normally as much as she did now, yet somehow she thought she deserved the pain she felt; after all, it was her idea to jump out of a window.

"Delia!" Delia's Mum exclaims in excitement after opening the door to see her daughter standing on the other side. "Nick! Delia's home."

"Mum." Delia smiles feeling tears fall down her face as her mother engulfs her in a hug.

"I'm so glad you're home petal." Delia's mum cries as she feels her husband's hand on her shoulder.

"Hey Lia, how are you feeling sweet?" Robert asks looking between his wife and daughter.

"Hey dad." Delia smiles looking up at her dad.

"You must be Andy!" Delia's mum grins as she carefully pulls away from Delia before wiping her eyes.

"Yes... Yes. Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. I just erm... I have Delia's stuff." Andy stutters looking between Delia and her parents.

"Don't be silly! Come on in, I'm Tamara, this is my husband Nicholas." Tamara smiles moving aside to allow Delia and Andy to step into the house.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both." Andy smiles.

"Let me take one of those bags from you, son." Nicholas states grabbing a bag from Andy.

"Thank you, sir." Andy nods nervously allowing him to take the bag.

"Please, just call me Nick, son."Nicholas smiles which eases Andy's nerves ever so slightly. "Just leave them by the stairs, I'll sort them out later."

"Andy, will you be joining us for dinner tonight?" Tamara asks as Andy and Nicholas join them in the living room, Andy immediately takes a seat next to Delia on the sofa while her Mum and Dad were sat in the armchairs.

"That's a lovely offer but no, I'm going to be heading to my parents' house, they live about 20 minutes from here." Andy smiles while trying to make sure he doesn't stutter again.

"Oh that's a shame, you'll have to come over one evening though!" Tamara invites him smiling.

"I would love to." Andy smiles back politely fiddling with his hands slightly out of nerves.

"So Andy, do you live with your parents?" Nicholas asks staring Andy down making him all the more nervous.

"No, I live in LA, I'm just visiting my parents and honestly I wanted to make sure Delia got back here safely." Andy states before turning to look at Delia and smile.

"We did offer to help Delia fund a place of our own after she graduated uni as we knew her career choice could be a bit unstable to begin with, but unfortunately she inherited Nick's stubbornness." Tamara laughs slightly making Delia feel embarrassed. 

"Mum!" Delia whines before hiding her face on Andy's shoulder without thinking through what she was doing and that she was in front of her parents.

"I know all about Delia's stubborn side, it's one of the reasons I fell for her." Andy laughs slightly as Delia's parents smile at the two of them.

"Tamara has put up with me this long somehow, good luck to you is all I can say, Andy." Nicholas laughs.

"Truthfully, I feel like I needed Delia to be stubborn." Andy begins seriously "I don't know what, if anything, Delia has told you about me; I wasn't great towards her to begin with. I went through some stuff and it left me quite bitter about everyone around me, the band and other crew acted like they were walking on eggshells around me. But Delia, never once backed down right from the beginning, she was like this fire in the team that somehow melted away the ice I was in."

"We all need a little fire to get us through the tough times, son." Nicholas smiles, secretly approving of Andy already. Delia rarely brought a boy home, but the ones she did he never really liked all that much. "I wouldn't have made it through the whole cancer situation if it wasn't for these two lovely ladies I have."

"Speaking of which, Nick, you must phone the doctors tomorrow." Tamara interrupts.

"Dad is everything okay?" Delia panics as she lifts her head from Andy's shoulder; making Andy feel cold and bare in her absence.

"Yeah, I'm sure it's nothing, just haven't had much of an appetite. Probably stress." Nicholas shrugs.

"Dad-" Delia starts before her dad cuts her off.

"Honestly Lia, I'm fine, it's you I've been worried about." Nicholas shrugs before smiling at Delia. 

"I should really be heading to my parents, it was so lovely to meet you both." Andy breaks the silence before standing up.

"Oh yes of course!" Tamara also stands before pulling Andy into a hug "It was so lovely to finally meet you, Andy, thank you for bringing our Delia back."

"I hope you don't mind me taking Delia out tomorrow, I promised her we'd go sort her new phone out and grab lunch." Andy explains almost asking their permission.

"Of course, go have a nice time." Nicholas smiles shaking Andy's hand "Take care of Delia won't you?"

"Always." Andy smiles back.

"I'll walk you out." Delia states before grabbing her crutches and getting off the sofa.

---------------------

"Your parents seem nice." Andy smiles as he stands with his arms wrapped around Delia's waist.

"Dad seems to like you, which is a first for him. Normally he doesn't like guys I bring home." Delia chuckles slightly as she looks up at Andy.

"He clearly just wants to protect you, which is exactly what I'm going to do too." Andy speaks softly before gently kissing Delia's lips, making her smile. 

"I can handle myself, Andy." Delia shakes her head slightly, she couldn't lie though, she did enjoy the caring side of Andy.

"That's not going to stop me from wanting to keep you safe." Andy grins before pecking her lips again "I'll pick you up at 12, that okay?"

"12 sounds good." Delia nods grinning "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow, make sure to get some rest." Andy instructs kissing Delia once more before carefully unwrapping his arms from her and walking to the car allowing Delia to shut the front door behind him. No doubt Delia's parents were going to bombard her with questions about Andy as soon as she walked back into the living room, but she didn't mind; after all, she was finally happy...

...Or as happy as she could be anyway.

[jedipoodoo]

who needs a reason? (Echo x Reader)

I've had these in my drafts for a year and I'm just now getting to them with three hours until midnight. Happy New Year and happy season two, everyone!

Notes: Mostly fluff, mentions of Echo's PTSD in regards to explosions, Echo's insecure about his appearance.

Wrecker's love of explosions was particularly evident as Cid enlisted his and Tech's help with the fireworks display. Echo, however, was a bit more tense concerning the whole thing. It seemed that every once in a while, everyone forgot that he had quite literally been blown up.

"What would you like to do for the new year?" you asked him.

Echo rested his chin on your shoulder, "I'd really just like to get some peace and quiet, cyar'ika."

You glanced around the Parlor. Cid had a couple distinguished clients visiting tonight, the kind that preferred to keep a low profile. She was throwing this New Year's party in order to help them blend in, which meant more work for the rest of you.

"You think they'd miss us for a couple hours?" You asked as you finished cleaning the last of Cid's drinking glasses. Omega and Hunter were unloading the last of the drinks behind the bar, and Ketch and Bolo were stringing up the lights.

"You'd better not be breakin' any of my glasses, sweetheart!" Cid snapped in your direction. You rolled her eyes at her usual irritability and set down the last of the glasses.

A couple hours later, the party was in full swing. Cid's Parlor was full of people you'd met once or twice during your time on Ord Mantell.

Wrecker had found someone he could rant to about the fireworks display he'd planned, and Omega listened with rapt attention. Ketch and Bolo's brawls over the slot machines were becoming a popular form of entertainment, and you and Echo were stuck serving drinks behind the bar.

Tech and Hunter approached you two, and Echo got them their usuals.

"Cid's friends?" He asked.

"In her office. She said to come out and see if you needed any help," Hunter took a long gulp.

"We've been doing alright-"

"We could use a break," You spoke over Echo, squeezing his arm. He looked at you in surprise, but Tech just nodded. Hunter winked at you, and you pulled Echo to the exit, up the stairs, and to the streets above.

It didn't snow on Ord Mantell. Too much pollution made the planet too warm for that, so you were met with a downpour of rain. Still, it was a welcome sensation to the heavy air of the Parlor, shut up below the ground.

"You are something," Echo shook his head with a chuckle, staring up into the rain.

"Hey, you're the one who said you liked me," You shrugged.

"Huh, I guess I did, didn't I?" With a devilish grin Echo wrapped his arms around your waist, yanking you off your feet and spinning you around and out to the center of the street, where you were both caught in the pouring rain.

You shrieked with delight, begging him to spin you faster and faster. He stumbled once, and set you down before you could trip and fall into one of the puddles nearby.

"Well, we're here now, what do we do?" Echo asked, taking both of your hands in his.

You looked up and down the empty the street. The rain prevented people from bringing their celebrations outside, and Wrecker might have to cancel his beloved fireworks display.

"We should head inside," You chuckled sheepishly. Strands of your hair were starting to stick to your face.

Hand in hand, the two of you ran through the rain to the Marauder, where you both changed into a fresh set of clothes and sat together on Echo's bunk.

"Think the others will come looking for us?" He asked. He was holding your hand again, his thumb brushing back and forth across your knuckles.

"Who cares? Cid's people showed up, she won't mind."

Echo nodded, satisfied with your reasoning. You scooted closer, draping your legs across his lap and resting your forehead against his.

"You're so pretty," You whispered.

"Shut up," He chuckled immediately. You gently smacked his shoulder.

"I mean it!" You said.

Echo still chuckled, "Can you at least tell me what parts of me you think are pretty?"

You cocked one eyebrow at the challenge.

"Your loyalty."

Echo snorted. "My sense of loyalty...is pretty?"

"Hush," You hissed, "It's very attractive, and it totally makes me weak in the knees."

"Okay," Echo chuckled again, and his scomp arm wrapped around your waist to pull you closer.

"You don't take kark from anyone. You know your own value, and it's immensely beautiful."

"I thought you said I was pretty," He teased.

"You can be pretty and beautiful!" You insisted. You took his cheeks in your hands so that he could sense the weight of your sincerity.

"And your eyes," You said at last, tracing his cheekbone with your finger. Echo had no snarky comment for that one.

"They're so bright, so full of life. They're so warm, and they make me feel safe."

Echo's breath stuttered in his throat as he stared up at you. It was like he was seeing you for the first time.

Your nose brushed against his. "Do I need a reason to think that you're pretty?" you whispered timidly.

Echo's hand came up behind your neck, "Maybe not. But...it does feel good to hear it from you."

You ducked your head to hide a smile as your lips brushed against his cheeks, "I'll tell you anytime you want me to."

Echo hummed happily, "Thanks, cyar'ika."

A tinny chime echoed through the hold, and the two of you jumped up, worried that someone else had returned to the ship. But it was just the ship's chronometer, letting you know that it was officially midnight.

"Well, Happy New Year?" Echo laughed off his nerves.

"Happy New Year," You laughed, hiding for face in his chest for a moment. Echo gently tilted your chin upwards to look at him.

"Can I give you a kiss?"

"Hmm...do you need a reason for that one too?"

Echo shook his head, a smile breaking out across his face, "Never."

His lips claimed yours, and the only rumbling to reach your ears was the rain thrumming against the hull of the ship.

Only two more days until Bad Batch Season Two!

[pastorfutureletthembe]

LC Live Action 1x21 had no right to be that good

Everything was so interesting??? Lu Guang, Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling are the most amazing team. There was a part which made me thing of escape games, I really loved it!! Everyone was so in character that I forgot I was watching the live action. QL's character in particular. It was emotional but not traumatic, they didn't overdo it. The plot is ✨👌 CXS wins charisma points for being at riding a motorcycle (even LG is impressed 😁).

Dr He is even weirder than before and I'm not buying his explanation for his outburst at QL's birthday at all. The background music for his scene in this episode though? Oh wow, I hope I can find it somewhere in the future. Mysterious, melancholic, dangerous.

The only part I am disappointed about is Cheng Xiaoshi's behavior towards him. Granted, they just met but I feel like CXS would be loyal to someone who's been so kind to him, someone who really reached out and actually helped him (first about the PTSD and then by teaching him how to ride a motorcycle). However, he seems so detached about the whole thing. Their scenes are usually sweet but they were so awkward in this episode that it literally hurt to watch. CXS is really sorry to hear about his friend's wife but he isn't as worried about him as he is about Lu Guang. Which, okay, not fair, especially coming from me. Again, Dr He isn't just his therapist and bike coach, he's his friend, and CXS doesn't have many of those. I was just surprised by how he handled Dr He's outburst and then the whole apology. I get that he didn't feel comfortable. Maybe it's cultural. Or just badly written hahaha

In any case: that's the best episode in the whole show.

[eggs-and-autism]

a detailed explanation of every anime ive ever watched bc i feel like it

first of all no hate to ppl who like the stuff i trashed on here, same goes for ppl disliking the things i glazed. technically my first anime was pokemon -but thats everyone's first so ill be brief. my fav series was pokemon black & white, xy and xyz were pretty good but nothing compared to b&w.

as a kid i also loved glitter force and lolirock! not much to say i jst love cartoons. ok real post time:

in 4th grade i was really into animation story time youtubers; especially wolfichu. i NEEDED to have her artstyle. so around that time she among others had mentioned in passing tokyo mew mew, so i found a dub of it on youtube.

tokyo mew mew was okay, i wasnt invested in it i juast watched it to be more like wolfichu. i barely got like 5-10 eps in before i forgot ab it and moved on; deciding i would simply not like anime and draw in an anime artsyle in harmony.

and so i didnt watch anime for the next 2 years. i think i told people i did to be cool(i was not cool) but alas, i was a poser. in 7th grade i was online way more and saw ppl talking about anime a lot, so i made a big list of all the ones people told me to watch and decided i would watch them in the summer of 2021

a bit before summer my bff recommended i watch a silent voice. i really liked it, not much to say, its p fuckin good! i really like Shoko's design.

okay summer time-- first on the watch list was the promised neverland; i got though it in a day and felt mildly positive towards it. it was interesting when i connected it to my favorite comic at the time (space boy) but i didnt wanna rewatch.

then there was mha. my bff really liked it at the time so i did have motivation to watch it- but i felt nothing twords the plot and characters. i watched the first 3 seasons but i rember none of it bc i was so distracted and bord the whole time. no hate to mha fans!! i really wanted to get into it; but i once again came to the conclusion i am not a person who likes anime.

i focused on watching other cartoons for a while but my bff got really into attack on titan; so i said over and over i would watch it but never actually did. technically this doesnt count but i know the whole plot form he sending well structured wikipedia esc infodumps about it. so im mentioning it, sue me i dare you.

i also watched the first season of saki k. it wasnt outstanding but it was funny enough.

a good bit into 2022 i saw people on tiktok talking about watamote, it seemed interesting enough, so i watched it. i liked it more then any anime id seen before(spare a silent voice and pokemon). it wasnt really an interest, i had no further thoughts about it, it was pretty funny and the ending song is a fucking banger witch is still on all my playlists!

durring 8th grade i was also forced by my friend-at-the-time to watch komi cant communicate. now, at first i was told to watch the sub(as the dub wasn't out yet). i dont watch subs. i cant watch them at all, i read slow and there is no enjoyment for me and i dont care about the voice acting i need it out loud. but as mentioned komi had no dub for a while so i sat though the first ep and then gave up. months later; dub was out and i watched it. it was fineeee. standered. it was what i expected; i didnt really like it but i didnt hate it. i was just a person who didnt like anime. no changing that.

until-

around the end of my 8th grade year or beginning of my freshman year i saw someone on tiktok talking about school live club! it sounded really interesting so i watched it- and oh my god. i loved it. to this day i love it. SPOILERS!!: the other girls playing into Yukis delusions for their own peace of mind was fascinating. every characters personal story-- the twist with Megumi-- the depiction of ptsd with Kurumi-- the ending--- i loved it.

so naturally, i assumed it was one of a kind and i simply was not a person who liked anime.

during my freshman year i watched madoka magica. i was recommended it by a friend and it statemented itself as the second anime i turly loved. after madoka i started looking for anime i like again

bloom into you hit me on a personal level, it was like a truck that hit my face saying "hey, this is a kinda relationship that is possible", witch as of me figuring out im aroace has been more relivent to me then ever. i have trouble loving people so the idea of somone wanting a relationship because ill never romantically love them is smth i hope for- but obvi might not happen i just like that its possible.

summer before 10th grade-- i was at my fist con and decided if i couldn't find anything to buy i would at least network. i met a really cool artist and chatted with her for a while. she had a keychain i thought was cute so i asked her what it was from. thus my introduction to bochi the rock! and god, it i really wanted to like bochi. i loved guitar and wanted to learn it; i loved her design; the premise want miserably boring; i wanted to like it! but there was no dub, and god i cannot watch subs, its pathetic but i had to drop it.

during the first semester of my junior year i was still working on the future is blue. i mention this because apon seeing an anime with almost the same premise as my comic, i had to watch it. a lull in the sea was an interesting premise for sure, but i never actually finished it. the seris main theme is fish people face xenophobia, but what stuck out to me most was a pattern i noticed with how people treated the heroin. (this is from memory so i might get stuff wrong) i had BEEF with that way Manaka was constantly infanatalized by her friends. the main character constantly treats her like an idiot who is hopless without him. when she comes home crying after being cat-called by some old pos she is told shes being dramatic. like, no wonder she got close with the fisher boy so quickly, HES NICE TO HER!! still id rewatch it in theory if i have time.

and then there was talentless nana. the game changer.

♡ part 2

[cljordan-imperium]

Heaven & Arthur Visit The LaVeaus

@call-sign-shark CELEBRATES 1K

This is part 1 of Heaven & Arthur visiting Mel and her family because I'm cutting it off at 2680 words. LOL

Modern AU

@call-sign-shark's OC Heaven and her husband Arthur Shelby travel to Louisiana to visit some military men Arthur served under and with in the military. But it is Heaven that gets the biggest surprise of the visit.

“We leave in an hour to pick up Arthur and his wife, Heaven, from the airport,” Cade entered the kitchen to let Mel know.  He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, then looked around at Mama Marie, Dontanion and Francios.  “You two, behave.” He pointed at the brothers with a serious expression.  Arthur was suffering from PTSD from the Gulf and the last thing anyone needed was the two LaVeau brothers being assholes and causing him to have some kind of attack.

“One wandering ancestor and we will forever be doubted.” Dontantion smirked and winked at his sister, as his shoulders raised. “One wandering ancestor who wandered in on my friend who was getting dressed for her wedding and gave her a death prophecy.” Mel rolled her eyes as Cade took a seat next to her and planted a kiss on her cheek this time.  “You are lucky she did not stroke out.” Casting a look over to her mother, “can you please make these two behave, mama?”

“Boys, do not make me resurrect your fathers.”  The smile she gave her sons made everyone’s blood run cold.  As loving and warm as Marie was, no one ever forgot she was also the scariest person currently walking the planet. Only Rasputin may have ever topped her, and she had far outlived him.

“Yes, mama.” Francois replied before putting a strong elbow into his younger brother’s side.  Even at over one hundred and fourty, Dontanion sometimes did not act a day over 16.   “No ancestors scaring Cade’s friend, or his lovely wife.” The look in his eye was serious.  Even if the death prophecy HAD come to pass, and they HAD hated Mel’s friend, and it HAD been hilarious at the time, causing a brave soldier still bearing the mental wounds of war further trauma would not be something they would partake in.  

“Please, he was over in the Gulf with me and some of the guys on the team.  He was under Alexander.  Has some bad PTSD, seeing spirits that he would think were hallucinations from there might just send him…” Cade raised his brows and tilted his head, he didn’t need to finish, both brothers were nodding.  “His wife, I don’t know much about but he says she is an angel and shy.  Her name’s Heaven.  She seems to have dont him a lot of good, he seems to be healing more.  Figured she and Mel would be the ones hanging out, maybe with Mama Marie too.”  He winked over at the woman who was like a second mother to him and who could make anyone feel welcome and loved.

“Of course, any of your friends are welcome here.”  Love and warmth emanated from Marie.  While she had immense powers, which she did not hesitate to use to protect those she loved; she was, at her heart, a mother.  All of Mel’s friends had been adopted as surrogate children.  None were turned away if they needed a mother figure, that was just Marie and the time she came from.

“Thank you, mama.” Love radiated off of Melania too as her gaze alternated around the other four in the room at the time, before her attention turned to Cade.  “When do the others get here?  I know Alexander got in last night and is still passed out in his room.”  

“Tomorrow.”  Cade answered, picking her hand up off of the table and kissing the back where there was a scar that lay across running from just below where her pinky met her hand to the crease of her wrist.  The last evidence of the whole ordeal involving Ambrose and Adama.  Even though it was long ago, it still made his heart clench and sometimes made him want to ask Marie to bring the assholes back so they could kill them again. “So you girls will have twenty-four hours before testosterone rules the house.”  He winked at her, banishing thoughts of the past.

“Lovely.  Just remember, Archibald can contain you all if you get out of line.”  The whole room erupted in laughter at the threat of having her pet albino alligator snack on people.  Not that he hadn’t been used as nature’s body disposal device before when required, but not on people they liked.

*****

Louis Armstrong Airport in Kenner was a bustle of activity as Mel sat on Cade’s lap down on the first floor by the baggage claim.  It seemed the easiest place for Arthur and Heaven to find them.  Although, from what Arthur had told Cade over the phone, Heaven shouldn’t be too hard to spot with snow white hair and skin just as fair.  A statement that had apparently gotten Cade promptly cussed out for mentioning she should fit in with the aforementioned alligator in the swamp.  Mel had a feeling that her fiance was lucky he’d been on the other side of the ocean from Arthur at the time.  

They watched as the flight from Heathrow Airport flipped over from “On Time” to “Landed”.  It still amazed Mel that they had direct flights, and for no more money, not that money mattered to her family…with Ambrose and Nic “missing”, she had complete control over Meirs Enterprises Worldwide, which meant more money than she cared to think about.  For friends of Cade, money was NOT an option anyway. 

About 20 minutes later, Mel felt it, somewhere near was a powerful witch.  Her hand went instinctively to Cade’s, their fingers interlacing.  The signature was not one she recognized, the magic different, old world like her mother and brothers’.  Her eyes scanned the crowd as people descended from the second floor on the escalators. She could more than stand on her own, but after the past events, having Cade there without her family was not something she was altogether comfortable with.  If whomever possessed the magic was hostile, it could get ugly fast if they sensed her as well.  Not since Adama had she faced down a threat, and that…she closed her eyes and swallowed before the thought fully materialized.

“Do I need my gun, or is this something of the invisible sort, babe?” Cade’s chin rested on her shoulder as he spoke just loud enough for her to hear.  He knew her signs well enough.  When she was tense, it was never a good one.

“Shooting them is as good as dropping a house on them, I guess.  A lot easier when inside too.” She tried not to let her nerves show with some humor, but she was anything but lighthearted with the situation.  As they sat there waiting for Arthur and Heaven, she did not stop scanning everyone coming in their direction.   It was that scanning that produced what would be the biggest shock of the day, the revelation that the witch was Arthur’s wife.  “You are definitely NOT shooting the witch.”

Cade chuckled, having no clue what had suddenly changed the beauty on his lap’s mind.  “And that would be because….”

Mel stood as the pair approached them, “you must be Heaven,” she greeted the tiny woman with a bright smile and offered hand.  There was no way that Heaven couldn’t sense her as well, but seemed to completely not notice.  She then remembered that Cade had mentioned that Heaven was originally from France, and since Louisiana is a bilingual state, she had an idea to make the woman feel even more welcome. “Bienvenue en Louisiane où dans le bayou, les sorcières sont vénérées. Je crois que vous et ma famille vous entendrez très bien. Ma mère est une grande prêtresse du vaudou. (Welcome to Louisiana where in the bayou, the witches are revered. I believe that you and my family will get along very well. My mother is a high priestess of Voodoo.)” 

Heaven’s eyes widened at her words, clearly not having expected them. “Comment le saviez-vous?  (How did you know?)”  The woman looked absolutely confused, which was when Mel remembered she still had the talisman on that Dontanion had given her when they were hunting Adama that cloaked her magic.

“Parfois, une sorcière en connaît une autre. J'ai aussi deux frères sorciers à la maison. C’est en quelque sorte une affaire de famille. (Sometimes a witch just knows another one.  I have two warlock brothers at home too.  It kind of runs in the family.)”  Mel gave the woman a wink and then turned to Arthur and Cade who were both looking at her with rather confused expressions.

“What, can’t one girl fluent in French welcome another?  Do you know how often I get to use that?” She smiled, Cade giving her a look that said he knew better and she’d have to explain once  that they were alone. “You must be Arthur.”  She extended her hand to him, “it is such a pleasure to meet any friend of Cade’s.  You both are now family, that is how it works here.  We will spend a couple of days out on the Plantation, and a couple here in the Garden District.  My mother has been up since dawn cooking, so we best not keep her waiting too long.  Mama Marie is not one to be kept waiting.”  Mel laughed.

Cade knew his fiance better than that.  Those were far too many words for just a polite hello, and he did recognize enough to know that she’d found her witch.  But, he was a good boy and would say nothing.  Things normally worked out more in his favor that way.  “You’re discussing how to bankrupt us in the French Quarter aren’t you?” A brow rose and he nudged Arthur with an elbow. “I hope you brought all your plastic, bro, my girl can shop!”

Arthur for his part either missed what the exchange was about or was so entranced by his bride he gave not one fuck.  He did, however, growl at Cade’s remark, which told the fellow soldier that he probably had experienced a similar shopping excursion to the one Mel had more than once put him through.  Although, to bankrupt them, Mel would have to literally buy the entire French Quarter, as in the land it was sitting on and all the buildings.

"Can you not behave for two minutes?"  Mel’s brow rose as she looked between the two men, Cade trying not to laugh and Arthur about taken aback at her words.  “No growling.”  She raised both brows and looked pointedly at the Brit.  Heaven giggled next to her, which just had Arthur rolling his eyes. “Now, you boys do the heavy lifting of getting the luggage, Miss Heaven and I are going to go get the car from the garage and bring it around.  And you two can ride in the back.”  She dropped a kiss on Cade’s cheek with a big grin and a wink over to Heaven.  She already liked the striking and beautiful woman.  Wait till her family laid eyes on her!

*****

From the airport, to River Road, Mel gave a guided tour to their guests of the historical context of each and every plantation along the road.  Her mother had been alive for the building of many, although she did not share that quite yet.  For Heaven, it might not have surprised her, for Arthur, he might have tried to exit the vehicle while at 60MPH.  The latter was more her concern.

Finally they arrived at Vita Pacis Plantation (Life of Serenity).  It had been renamed after Ambrose’s death, her mother choosing the name for what this now represented to them all.  It was a place of peace, of respite from the life they lived in Baton Rouge and New Orleans, from the missions they went on collecting artifacts around the globe.  It was to this estate, to the buildings that rested upon the land and had for over 300 years, that Mel and her friends returned to find peace and to be at peace.  It would be on this estate where she would marry Cade in six months.  

As they drove up the red brick drive, live oaks arching over it with their green leaves and the dangling spanish moss providing shade, she heard Heaven gasp as she got her first view of the grand plantation house mansion.  It was impressive with white limestone exterior and grecian columns that rose three stories, the floor to ceiling french doors that served as windows to the rooms were framed with dark red hurricane shutters.  It created an impressive picture when famed with the arch of the live oaks over the drive.  Just the guest house had four bedrooms and was a sight, but the grand mansion was something out of a movie.  Lovingly preserved by the Meirs family, and now the LaVeaus, it was a piece out of time and history.  The dark stains of the past that it held could never be erased, but they would be made up for over time.  Now it stood for the LaVeau legacy, and that was a strong, vibrant, and proud legacy.

Mel knew that when she had opened the wrought iron gates of the drive, it had alerted those within the guardhouse and the mansion of their arrival.  No one got onto or off of the property without being noticed.  If you tried to come on secretly, there were things seen and unseen that would greet you.  You had better hope the former got to you before the latter did.  So, when Mel pulled the large black SUV around to the back of the mansion, it was of little surprise that her mother stood flanked by her brothers, waiting to greet their guests.  She could not wait till they discovered the surprise that lay in store.

Once the car was stopped, and everyone was out, Mel led Arthur and Heaven over to her family while Cade unloaded the luggage from the back.  She could tell that all three of them immediately recognized in Heaven what she had and the adoring smile her mother cast on Heaven warmed her heart.  Marie was known for taking in anyone needing a mother and love, and it was clear she was already looking that way at Heaven, no matter if she had family back home or not.  

Marie was the first to speak, stepping forward and taking both of Heaven’s hands in her own. “Salve, fili mi, maiores te ad nos perduxerunt. Hic semper domum habebis. (Welcome, my child, it seems the ancestors have lead you to us.  Here you will always have a home.)” Then she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss in the middle of Heaven’s forehead.

Arthur tensed and Mel leaned over, “my mother adopts anyone she feels needs love.  She sensed that in Heaven and has welcomed her to always see this as a home.”  She kept her voice low as to not embarrass Heaven who was now tightly embracing Marie and she swore she saw a tear on the porcelain skin of her cheek. “You too Arthur, Vita Pacis means Life of Serenity.  Any friend of Cade’s is family here, where the mind can find peace when one needs.” With a soft and warm smile on her face, her eyes gently closed as she inclined her head.  

The stoic man just inclined his head in return before turning back to the scene where both Francois and Dontanion were further introducing themselves to his wife, who seemed to be taking everything in stride.  As dwarfed as the beauty was by her gruff husband, she looked absolutely tiny next to Mel’s brothers who were both well over six feet in height and broad shouldered.  “See, I told you this trip would be good for you.”  Cade finally made it up to them and clapped Arthur on the shoulder.  “And Mama Marie and the spooky bunch has adopted another stray.  I guess we’re brothers now, Arthur.  Wait till you taste her food!  We may never get you back to England.”  They all laughed as they began to head in to see exactly how big of a feast Marie HAD prepared.

@call-sign-shark @raincoffeeandfandoms @saltysupercomputer @blind-the-winds @sunset-a-story @touloserlautrec @aziz-reads @toribookworm22 @outpost51 @late-to-the-fandom @writingmaidenwarrior @spookyceph

[hartshorn-and-isinglass]

That image of a very laden-down travel bike in the middle of fucking nowhere-ass scenic desert bought back some old memories.

(Going to be polite and put this garbage behind a cut:)

I haven't talked about that guy, the most reckless and fucked-up of my Muses, to anyone in a very long while--and I kinda forgot that there were some bits of that whole... collision of our lives... that weren't completely awful and were kind of romantic. If you squinted real hard and ignored all the red flags. The long stretches of scenic deserts and beaches from the back of a bike. The smell of motorcycle leathers, sweat, and sex. His slender waist wrapped in my arms. Getting away from everything and everyone else just to cleave to each other.

From the outside, I'm sure it looked like a very cliché "buttoned-up nerd cracks and dates bad boy with a motorcycle" scenario but that really wasn't how it went. I fell in love with his writing, with what seemed to me at the time like a sensitive, creative, romantic soul suffering from a wound to the heart. Which is also a cliché, but a different one at least. He had a way with words, which he cranked up to eleven when he started writing to me.

That relationship was a huge fucking mistake for so many reasons (I ended up with PTSD when he stalked me for over a year after I broke it off). And yet I can't even imagine how I might have turned out differently had I not been naive enough to let him into my life to begin with. Where would I be today in terms of understanding my sexuality, my gender, my kinks, my entire shadow-self if he hadn't offered to be the literal site of my explorations? He was just the worst possible person to find at that major inflection point in my life where I was grappling with what I wanted to do with myself and who the hell I even was. That vulnerability was what attracted him in the first place, I'm sure. He had a knack for finding people in their moments of weakness, as a lot of other people can attest.

A vampire metaphor would be entirely appropriate for him. Not only for how he latched onto people and drained the life out of them, but also because he was in some ways my sire, my initiator to the dark side. He'd be so fucking chuffed to hear me admit that if he were still alive, but he's proper dead now. His entire life was one long disaster and he hurt almost everyone he knew in some lasting way, so my compassion for him is limited. And yet, I'm not sure if I'd ever really say I wish that relationship had never happened (although I am VERY glad I ended it when I did... shoulda done that sooner in fact). Years later and it's still weird to me to hold these two conflicting ideas at once. It was easier to write it all off and pretend to not feel anything about it.

That relationship was so fucked up it made me even less normal than usual about the Muse who came after... which led to me vowing to not make these sorts of feelings anyone else's problem anymore. That's a lot easier to do when they're not part of your social circle. Having a distant Muse this time around is kind of a relief.

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

A Black Rose Among Sunflowers (Part 2)

A/N: Minors DNI, PTSD, mentions of CSA, mentions of PA, mentions of domestic violence (both romantic and sibling related), emotional abuse (I guess, basically sisters using trauma to be mean in an argument), use of the word daddy (Mainly joking, internally though definitely sexual), I forgot to include agegap in my last A/N so age gap (reader is 27, and I'm going to age Spencer appropriately so he'd be 44). I think that's it if there's something you feel I should have tagged but didn't please reach out.

Word Count: 2.4k words

Playlist: Eyes don't lie, Older, I'm yours, favorite (All by Isabel Larosa)

Part 1 here:

I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in the shower watching as the water turned a gross muddy brown staining the white tile of the shower floor as it made its way down the drain. I couldn't help but wonder if I had just been there on time would things have gone the way they had? That was a stupid question. Casey had always had a temper as long as I had known him and here lately it looked like he was just looking for any reason to fly off the handle. Though stupidly I had pulled the whole ‘oh I can fix him, he just needs to be shown love’ adage to my sister when she expressed her concerns last week. I bit my lip as the memory made an unwelcome entrance into the foremost part of my brain.

Trembling, I pushed Gabriella’s doorbell repeatedly hoping to whatever God was out there that she was home even though her car wasn’t in its usual spot in the driveway. The door opened and a set of green eyes looked up at me, her curly red hair covering her face, likely from the ice cream Astoria had snuck past Gabriella who was making dinner from the smell of chicken and dumplings coming out the front door. “Mommy! Aunt Addie is here…and her face is wet!” Oh gee thanks for ratting me out there Astoria. I waited awkwardly at the front door occasionally looking over my shoulder to make sure Casey hadn’t followed me. He might have been stupid but I don't think he was stupid enough to follow me here…well unless he wanted to be looking down the barrel of her shotgun. 

“Adrienne?” Her eyebrows furrowed, she wasn’t expecting me obviously but it was quickly replaced with an icy hatred in her green eyes as she took in the puffy and bruised mess that was also currently serving as my face. She gently tugged me into the house and checked the surrounding area before double locking the door. “Addie this is getting ridiculous he's going to end up killing you.” She whispered as she led me into the kitchen and poured some water into the electric kettle before placing it on the stove. She sat across from me and took my hands gently in hers and I bit my lip to prevent the tears from overflowing.

“He-He didn't mean to Gabi. He loves me he just...ever since he lost his job it's been hard you know that.” She squeezed my hands so I turned my glassy eyes to look at hers, there was no forgiveness in her eyes, only hatred. Gabriella is usually the softer out of the two of us opting to kill with kindness rather than with a car. But Gabriella had always been stickler for boundaries and if you crossed them even in the slightest she had no problem cutting you off whereas I tended to try to find some amount of good in the person to try and justify keeping them around. Hence she was married to Emmett who thought she was the greatest thing in the universe with their twins Auggie and Astoria and here I was in a 5 year long abusive relationship. 

“Maybe if he got off his ass and looked for a job instead of drinking your money away he wouldn't be nor would he feel inadequate.” Her words were harsh and i bit my cheek at them. This was another point of contention between Casey and I, Gabriella had no issue with telling him exactly how useless he was, and well it's not like she was wrong so I often did not defend him. Leading to more fights with him about how I was letting my sister humiliate and emasculate him.

“Maybe if you didn't stick your nose where it didn't belong Gabriella he wouldn’t be beating the shit out of me.” Her eyes widened and she dropped my hands so I started pacing the kitchen not looking at her and running a finger through my blue tinged waves. “God you tell me I don't know when to shut my mouth but did it ever occur to you that YOU constantly calling him a bitch, pussy and everything else under the sun was making things worse? It's not like he can beat the shit out of you, Emmett would kill him. Me on the other hand he could snap my neck before you even knew I was missing.”

“You can’t seriously be suggesting it's my fault he's beating you Addie! You've had chance after chance to leave and you stay with a man who treats you like dad. I understand you have daddy issues but there's nothing romantic-”

My hand moved faster than my one brain cell and my hand connected with her face. I looked at the red handprint and back to my own hand which was still outstretched as she stared at me wide eyed while her hand came up to the now bruising cheek i had just hit. I didn't know what to say, there was nothing to say, no amount of I’m sorry would undo the damage I had just done to her. Deep down I know she was right she had offered numerous times to let me stay with them but I was scared. Scared Casey would find me, scared the cops wouldn't be able to do anything and he would follow through on his threats. I hadn't talked to her since that day and that had been almost three weeks ago. She had left several messages just begging me to come back, that she understood I acted in the heat of the moment, even Emmett had called but honestly I was too embarrassed to answer. I had become the people I hated just because I was miserable with myself. 

A small shriek came out of my mouth as I registered the water had turned icy. I guess I had been in here longer than I thought because the water was running clear and the feeling of dried blood had been erased from my body. “Adrienne, Adrienne are you okay?” I could hear the slightly panicked voice of Spencer behind the bathroom door and the rattling of the bathroom doorknob. 

“Sorry…Sorry I didn't realize I had been in here so long, the cold water startled me.” I offered weakly and was embarrassed about my reaction. Damn Addie it was just cold water not like there's a serial killer in the bathroom with you. I toweled off quickly and slipped into the sweat pants and t-shirt already feeling better just being clean and in fresh clothes. Spencer was sitting in a large arm chair in the corner of his living room seemingly in deep thought as he rubbed absentmindedly over his chin. I couldn't help but blush taking in his long fingers, yep he's definitely the type of man smutty authors write about. “Um..do we-should we be going or?” My question hung in the air uncomfortably and he startled as if he didnt hear me answer and honestly with how fast the gears in his brain were going it was possible he didn't. He didn't say anything, instead just walked into his kitchen and came back with a cookie tin.

“My friend Penelope made these for me, I don't think she would mind me sharing them given the circumstance.” He offered a small smile and nodded towards the cookie inside. I peaked cautiously and smiled when I saw they were snickerdoodles and then very embarrassingly my stomach roared like a goddamn dragon. Jesus when WAS the last time I ate? I wearily looked at the clock on the wall and almost had a heart attack when I saw it was 4 am, yep I definitely needed something to eat. I at least tried to eat like a somewhat dignified young lady but judging by the amount of crumbs I was getting everywhere and the amused chuckle that left Spencer's mouth I actually probably looked like a raccoon that had found a whole bag of cat food.

“You know just because you have the whole daddy look going on that doesnt mean you can also be a dick.” I froze at my words and I just really wanted to become one with the floor at this moment in time. Thank you very much. He raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in his seat slightly.

“Daddy thing?” Oh yeah my face was most certainly the color of a tomato now and I really, REALLY wanted nothing more than for god to just start the second coming of Christ now so I wasn’t forced to live through this moment. Unfortunately it didn't appear that the rapture would be starting anytime soon and the good doctor definitely was getting a kick out of my embarrassment. 

“Oh shut up you know you're pretty.” I mumbled mostly to myself while reaching for another cookie. He smiled and stood grabbing me water and bringing my shoes in the process. “Oh now you want to go, couldn't have just let not me shove my foot in my mouth could you?” He smirked and grabbed my hand but I quickly snatched it back feeling my face redden even further, Jesus they were going to name a new shade of red after me with how red my face was. “I can walk just fine thank you I have been doing it for 27 years” 

“Well that's not a very good boyfriend then.” He muttered, reaching in front of me and opening the front door and I just stared at the wall in front of me. Was he trying to poke fun at me and make me laugh during a very traumatic time in my life? Yes. Did the implications of that sentence make me an embarrassingly high level of turned on? Also yes. I ducked my head and shuffled my way past him ignoring the soft chuckle he gave as he locked the door behind me.

I waited for him to unlock the door and got in quickly, buckling myself and turning my face and body towards the window so he couldn't see my blushing face. I saw him frown in his reflection in the window and his hand reached out to pat my knee causing me to make an embarrassingly close to a whimper and jump away from his touch like I had been burned. Sir i am trying not to be horny right now and you touching me is most certainly not helping. 

“He’s not going to touch a hair on your head ever again Addie.” He removed his hand from my leg and I watched as his grip on the steering wheel tightened. His voice was perfectly calm but I could see a dangerous glint simmering below the surface, he was pissed off for me and honestly that's one of the hottest things a man can do. Interestingly enough I’ve always hated being called Addie but coming out of Spencer’s mouth I couldn't help the small shiver that came out of me.

“Yeah…I’ve heard that before.” I mumbled and laid my head against the window feeling exhausted. Spencer frowned but didn't say anything and I felt my eyes slipping closed, hey to be fair I've been awake almost 24 hours and my ex boyfriend savagely beat the shit out of me I think I’m allowed to take a nap while the cops look for him. My eyes opened as I felt my body being jostled but instead of someone shaking me awake I was vaguely aware that it was someone scooping me up like I was a small child and carrying me. 

“She fell asleep on the way here, no sense in waking her until we know something. Who knows when the last time she got a decent amount of sleep was.” Well he wasn't wrong. I had been basically surviving off caffeine and dark romance novels for the last year ever since Casey lost his job. I felt myself being laid down and to my great horror my arms wrapped around Spencer tighter. What the hell arms? No. He's letting us go and God only knows what we’re going to dream about and seeing as how I have already embarrassed myself in front of this man enough times for my entire life I would rather he NOT hear any sex dreams we have about him. “Alright come on now Addie I know you can at least subconsciously hear me. You need to sleep.” I felt him quite literally pry my arms off his body and he covered me with a blanket before turning off the lights.

“Can you stay?” I watched him pick up a book and turn one of the lamps on. I turned fully so I could get a look at him and instantly felt guilty for asking him to stay, there was a good chance he had been up as long as if not longer than me and here I was asking him to stay awake even longer like I was a five year old scared of the dark. “Nevermind it's okay, you can go home and go to sleep.”

“I’ll stay until your sister gets here”

“But-”

“Stop being stubborn and go to sleep Adrienne.” Nope, I did not like that one bit. I huffed and rolled over onto my side not wanting to look at him anymore. “Stop pouting you know I’m right you literally fell asleep within five minutes of the car ride.” I pursed my lips wanting to come up with some kind of sassy retort but he was right. I was exhausted and honestly I was struggling to even continue this conversation.

“Oh go fuck yourself.” But it lacked the bite one would normally have behind that insult, also that's the best my brain could come up with? Really? I heard him chuckle and instantly dreaded what was sure to be a sexual innuendo I had to pretend was just harmless jokes but in reality was sure to make my face red.

“Well we both know that's not what you're dreaming about since you mentioned my…what was it? Oh yeah, my daddy thing earlier.” I groaned and glared at him over my shoulder. “You're the one that said it, not me.” Where can you buy a filter for your mouth? Asking for myself because I am getting myself into stupid situations all the time from it. I ignored his retort and pulled the blanket up over my head desperately wishing to fall asleep but also that I wouldn't say anything too embarrassing before Gabriella got here.

[aprillikesthings]

I had originally promised msyelf I wouldn't live-tweet or live-blog my rewatch of she-ra (mostly bc it will make it take FOREVER to watch the whole thing) but...fuck it

THIS IS A REWATCH. I've forgotten plenty of it, but I still remember plenty too, and that's all going to bias how I react to things, and obviously there will be spoilers, and also I don't plan to react to EVERYTHING bc it would just take too long okay? okay

Edit: ....yeah this took me nearly two hours for one episode oops

First of all let me point out how hilarious it is to me that when scrolling back through my tags I found myself posting MULTIPLE TIMES that I wanted to write the kind of fic I'm working on but knew I'd need to rewatch the whole series to do it right and now FOUR YEARS LATER I'm finally giving up and doing it.

why am i like this lol

ANYWAY

NETFLIX IT HAS BEEN A COUPLE OF YEARS and I know he's legally changed his name WHY is Nate/ND's old name still on here

THat's....that's Angella. That's a terrible propaganda poster of Angella. I'm cracking up how did I not notice that before

Okay the very first time Adora says Catra's name I lol'ed bc I've watched this fanvid (which came out after s2) a truly bananapants number of times and it's just what I immediately thought of

I started reading a fic recently that I couldn't get into and gave up on, but it pointed out something that seems OBVIOUS NOW: the reason the Horde is all children/teenagers is like, the whole "destroying the villages of Etheria" thing. Just slaughtering the parents and stealing the kids.

Then again maybe they said that in canon and I forgot. Dumb shit like that is of course why I'm rewatching.

Someone pointed out that both Adora and Catra obviously have ADHD and I cannot unsee it

I mean yeah that's...that's her entire motivation

(I mean not quite in the way Adora means it here but)

I will never, ever be over how fast this show started baiting them as a pairing. I remember the first time I watched the first episodes saying "the people who made this came from fandom and they know exactly how to get us."

Catra nails Shadow Weaver's motivation--"She's just mad she doesn't have any real power that doesn't come from Hordak and everyone knows it." And then calls Adora a "people-pleaser." She's not wrong.

Like, Catra understands the motivations etc of everyone but herself

(...something something abused children something C-PTSD something hypervigilance)

Catra's tail swishing just like a real cat's does when angry is A+

Re: stealing the skiff: Catra's supposed to be the one with bad impulse control but Adora is just as bad!! (it's the ADHD)

...pulling a random pretty sword out of the ground that's lit up like a quest in a video game is also poor impulse control lollll

I still crack up at this one and am still surprised I haven't read a fic that makes a big deal out of hair-pulling

Bow folding up random laundry on the floor and asking where it goes while talking to Glimmer is some nice early character-building. "This boy is not a sexist douchebag."

I mean the outfit helps too lol

Okay so on the one hand I know character age wank is fucking stupid, but also I get why people were like "...are these all minors or what" considering Glimmer's being grounded and then arguing with her mom like a high-schooler. My own parents (who were more controlling than most) stopped actually "grounding" me once I was 18--they just forbid me from using the car for anything but work or school because they owned it. Which is why they owned the car. Anyway.

(True story: that was their punishment for me getting bad grades at community college, and my response to this was to quit school, buy my own car, and move in with my then-boyfriend's family)

I wonder if Adora running off to do things on her own in order to attempt to protect people she cares about without asking them if that's even something they want her to do will be a continuing theme for her 🤔

omg the way they did her eyes/face makes Glimmer look so fucking creepy here

SO MUCH HAIR-PULLING poor Adora

I FORGET WHAT THIS SAYS I know it's an actual "alphabet" and people get tattoos and shit

(so, SO many tattoos of the failsafe...)

(okay but let's be honest a tattoo of the failsafe from the last episode is a really great way of finding other nerdy sapphics, they'd be the only ones to recognize it)

This is kinda heavy-handed ("don't just believe everything authority figures tell you, kids!") but also this show was aimed at like 12-year-olds so

Yeah this absolutely reminds me of conversations I've had over multiple decades about LGBT people and how people who know us as friends, coworkers, neighbors; realize we're Just People and are less likely to be dicks to us--not always, but often. Adora has never met a princess, so it was easy for the Horde to convince her they're all evil.

OH MAN this scene reminds me SO MUCH of the one in Arcane where Ekko is talking to Caitlyn about how Piltover/the Enforcers are fucking over the people of Zaun/the Undercity

Yeah good lord I could do a line-by-line dialogue comparison.

"Woman who has always been on the side of what she thought was The Law finds out everything she's ever known is a fucking lie and actually, she's been part of a force oppressing and destroying other people and immediately wants to fix things"

*squints at Caitlyn and Adora*

We never do find out who Grayskull is, but that's because Netflix doesn't have the rights to the He-Man stuff, and I admit this was probably the best way to keep She-Ra's signature line without getting into that

OKAY FIRST EP OVER omg

[one-abuse-survivor]

I'm the moving out anon hahah I'm 2 days into being in my uncles house and its crazy emotionally atm😅 i mean i feel so safe and he doesnt shout?? he asks nicely if he wants me to do something and like REALLY doesnt care if i make a mess? and doesnt care if i nap?? all things that would make my parents go ballistic hahha. yesterday I made some chicken and pasta for the first time ever and i dont really know how to work a cooker/stove thing nor am i too confident around boiling water lol (mum never let me do these things) i was throwing the pasta in the pan cos i didnt wanna pour it and get the water on me and he was in there and he just..didnt care that i was missing a lot lol like at all. he knew i was gonna clean it up hahha but i didnt do too great with the food i forgot a lot of things cos the time constraints of the food was making me kinda panic a little so i think ive gotta do some extra beginner stuff 😂😂 when he comes in my room he knocks and talks at a normal volume or quieter, and its just so relaxing. when we are going out shopping or smth, he sets a time then leaves me alone then comes in my room at the time and is calm af the whole time and we set off and hes just calm??? idk i feel like its a whole shock to my system atm hahaha im waiting for the other shoe to drop constantly even though i trust him enough to never be like that (like ever its not his thing to be explosive lol) will i get used to this in time? im sleepy a lot too like just exhausted hahah its crazy but these are 'normal' reactions, right?

Hi, nonnie! Sorry for the late reply. I'm so glad you were able to move in with someone who is so calm and who can provide you such a safe and normal space to live in!

This shock you're describing is really common when you've been abused, and when you have PTSD in general. It's like your body just cannot compute with the feeling of safety, and has to constantly anticipate the moment when the other person will finally snap, because that anticipation is the only thing that has kept you safe till now.

It does get better, though, and I hope it has for you since you sent this ask! Time, as well as more and more moments when the right people show you that they're not going to explode no matter what, will eventually, slowly teach your body that it doesn't need to be hypervigilant to be safe. Therapy can help, too, and just being aware of what you're going through and being patient with yourself can make a huge difference.

I've personally found that I have to repeat this process almost every time a new authority figure appears in my life. This can be really frustrating, and scary, because the feeling of fear and hypervigilance you thought you had overcome suddenly comes rushing back. But it does get easier over time, and there will come a day when you'll naturally expect people to be kind and respectful, and when the opposite—aggression and disrespect—will feel shocking and unexpected.

Hope you're doing well! Sending a big virtual hug ❤️

[didnt-hear-cold-as-you-live]

I don't wanna publish the long ask so I'm gonna put it under the cut if people wanna read / I do later, but that was so helpful to hear, anon.

(also LOL @ "why does it always come to nudes" jfkhdksjk). I really relate to what you said about kind of taking things really seriously and tracing them back to that incident, because that's exactly what's happening with me/us right now. It's also helpful to hear that it WAS helpful for you to bring it up under that context years later. And you saying that you need to bring something actionable for him to do to the table before you do it is so smart - I think that solves a lot of what I was wondering about like, it's going to feel like I'm just bitching at him out of nowhere if I also have a real tangible action I want out of it. seriously so so SO helpful I appreciate the whole thing a lot.

Ahh that story was captivating as hell!! I relate in a lot of ways and maybe hearing my situation could help a little? I met my current partner of almost 5 years in a very tumultuous time of my life. I was involved in a fucking homeland security investigation over some nudes (why are nudes always involved 💀) that had been passed around on some gross websites at my college but they were taken when I was 17 which made the whole thing child porn and therefore a big big deal. That had basically wrapped up by the time we met after I graduated, but he knew about it. About a year or so into our relationship he gave me a very heartfelt and agonizing apology because he had been watching tv on my laptop while I was at work and had been curious if I had saved any of the (few) nudes he had sent me. In his curiosity he had found the folder of my literal homeland security evidence and had PANICKED bc child porn and betraying me and DELETED THEM. I was in love and still very much not healed from the trauma surrounding the whole thing and loved feeling like I had the moral high ground and so I forgave him too fast and comforted him and promptly erased the incident from my memory. 3 years of a very very solid relationship later, my brain would not leave me alone with the intrusive thoughts about how he would inevitably betray me and how he would never understand my pain and suffering as a woman. He is practically perfect, truly, including in how he responds to feedback and has been helping me through some very very dark ptsd places like this guy has been through hell and back with me. But I’d spent 3 years keeping all of those feelings/fears in (bc I literally forgot about what happened bc of how triggering it actually was). Eventually I snapped bc our life was good but felt like spark was missing (thank u pandemic!) and he would stumble into a male privilege slip up occasionally (which is normal and he would truly dig in and try to understand and fix it whenever thsi came up). But those stumbles were bringing up the HUGE feelings of betrayal for me. The way we navigated it, which isn’t necessarily a recommendation lol, was that we traced the huge reactions I was having back to that incident at the beginning of our relationship, he heard me from a retrospective view when I expressed how deeply that had wounded me, he genuinely apologized, and I pretty much handed him an ultimatum that he needed to go to therapy and do some required readings on apologies and communication (he has some big stuff with people pleasing so it was sometimes hard to know when things were sincere or just an effort to keep me “happy”). Anyways!! Long story short, he went all in and committed to doing those things and almost a year later, we are stronger than ever and I trust him 1000%. We even ended up doing long distance recently for a work opportunity he had come up out of state and we were both terrified but it is going really well! I guess my real point is that those feelings are valid and worthy of being looked at again even though you’ve “been over it” a million times already. Bc the way you feel about everything that happened back then, now, is really important to acknowledge and create space for. It sounds like you’ve both grown and changed a lot! And the people you are now deserve the chance to pay your respects to the people you once were, and you deserve to be heard in your pain. What helped me was to be able to go into conversations with my partner with a solid list of things that I knew would help me to feel better/if he didn’t think doing them was worth it then I would know exactly how much he cared and be able to dip (like an article or a worksheet he could literally read or do, basically just actionable things). Of course, that was after the initial hyper-emotional conversation which was a lot of crying and fury. It ended up being absolutely worth it, and I think we both feel safer/better for it. On his end, I think he doesn’t carry around as much guilt. I know it’s not exactly the same situation, but anyways that’s my relationship story! Hugs 💙

[m1ckeyb3rry]

The Mira wc calibration is just too crazy LOL I almost forgot the ship in the harbor y/! Is hollyhock y/n’s predecessor omg

HAHA FR ok lowk even when reading pi i was like “yo yuta and reader still alive???” Was fully expecting a major death but was pleasantly surprised with the resurrection (im gonna have to lock myself back into angst for whenever you revert back to angst i feel like I haven’t read angst in so long)

SO REAL need a bestie like miraverse chigiri omg reader and chigiri clowning reo and may so real I bet Kira would just be like “excuse me???” And reader just continues like “and when did this mole get here? You got it tattooed or sth?”

LMAOFOAOAOAOA Im abt to piss myself laughing WHAT THE FUCK WHYS IT SO WELL MADE???? IM CRYING AHAHSHAHAHA THIS IS TOO GOOD “my best friend and favorite star” GOOD. BYE. And the quotation too ijbol I cannot it’s also formatted so well…petition for you to publish this and make it into a real book or make it into like those fanzine type prints/books

Im being swayed and I’m not even the one writing oaeu LMAOO but speaking of how’s the progress on the inspo hunting LOL

NO FR wait that reminds me it’s sorta unrelated but i love the Hiori kurona duo just generally….Ive seen a lot of art of the BM dorm 4 where it’s Isagi yuki and Hiori looking after kurona and it’s so precious shsgshshs I remember thinking team kindness was really cute too!! But just imagine team kindness + bm 4 hyping kiyora up or genuinely giving him good advice and he’s like “wtf I’m not being bullied for once??” But LMAOOO alpha wolf Nagi is so funny I’m also imagining that one “gomen oomf Chan” wolf with him idk why

No because I get how stories have to involve the mc since they are the mc but I really wish more works would also elaborate on things that happen when the mc isn’t around like PLEASE show us the match I NEED TO SEE IT HDJSHSJSJ

- Karasu anon

HAHAAH FR and yesss SitH y/n is the original 😩 she has issues that hollyhock y/n could never even dream of and traumas that i look back on and wonder why i wrote 😭 but she’s cool i do rlly like her!! she was meant to be a deconstruction of the “girlboss heartless fighter who’s really pretty and cool and effortless and genius” YA trope that’s sooo common (idk if you can tell but i LOVE deconstructing popular tropes) where she is genuinely traumatized by the things she does (which are all horrible tbf) and hates herself very intensely for it instead of it just being brushed aside as necessary and never touched on again!! in comparison hollyhock y/n never really has those struggles with ptsd and whatnot she’s just like “ok wtvr this is what i need to do” meanwhile otoya and karasu are like her biggest supporters (especially karasu because otoya will occasionally disagree with her but karasu is her ride or die he supports women’s rights AND wrongs)

LMAOOO honestly i considered killing reader off and having her actually just die against sukuna but imo resurrection (and more specifically the connection between love and resurrection vs hatred and consumption) is such a main theme of the story and is honestly so integral to the whole plot that it wouldn’t have made sense for me to go any other way abt it!! i actually love the pi ending even though it was lowkey happy it just felt so sweet and full circle plus we got a sukuna cannibalism mention so it was still a little crazy and fun JFFJSJSK omg yesss luckily we still have requests and the oaeu to keep our spirits up in the meanwhile!! speaking of the oaeu i think i’ve decided the tropes for every character and it’s going to be so fun…the only ones i had left to cook up were sae reo and karasu but i think for sae i’m going to do smth where it’s when sae comes back for the u20 game and he meets reader at like a library or cafe or smth that he and aiku frequent and aiku IMMEDIATELY senses the vibes but sae is in crazy denial meanwhile reader thinks he’s cute and lowkey wants him ☝🏻 and then for reo it’s going to be a very stereotypical arranged marriage where he has to marry her for business reasons but he thinks he doesn’t like her…until aiku starts flirting with her and she seems into it…and he’s like “yo hold on a sec this is MY future wife 😟” HAHA and finally for karasu they’re going to be roommates or smth and he likes her but she has a (rlly shitty) boyfriend so he goes to aiku for help in learning to be a homewrecker since aiku is so experienced w that kind of stuff

I LOVEEE FORMATTING ALL OF MY DRAFTS IT MAKES ME FEEL SO MOTIVATED!! and hehe the best friend and favorite star is a reference to my best friend who tullia is based on i always dedicate my stories to her because she was like my first reader and is the reason i was confident enough to post my stuff online (she convinced me to make an ao3 acct in 2021) so without her there would be no fics…no miraverse…NOTHING so like i owe literally everything to her hence why she’s in so many of my stories and gets the dedication every time 🥳 and SLFHDJSSBS PLS I WAS GIGGLING MAKING THAT THE EPIGRAPH IT JUST FIT SOO WELL actually all of my long stories have epigraphs!! peregrine’s is “anyway, don’t be a stranger” from phoebe bridgers’s song scott street, hollyhock’s is “the most important thing every man should know is what he would die for” from faithful place by tana french (never read it or anything just saw the quote online and felt like it cooked), the year of the roses (shinah story that nagi might take over) is “the wait is long. my dream of you does not end” from my dream of you by nuala o’faolain (again haven’t read it just liked the quote), and hurricanes / hummingbirds is “anything you lose comes round in another form” from rumi!! i try to make them thematic and whatnot just for my own purposes even though no one else ever sees them but for the oaeu honestly no quote from someone else would fit better than aiku and niko cooking up smth problematic 😭

PEREGRINE CHIGIRI AND READER ARE SOOO GOOD TOGETHER i cannot wait for the college era even though it means no nagi solely because we get so much chigiri content…okay wait also i think it’s so funny that the ONLY character to have speaking lines in every single peregrine chapter besides reader is literally reo 😭 like atp it’s basically a reo fic he’s in the story more than nagi himself FJDJSJ but anyways i can’t wait to write the chigiri may reo reader combo!! and PLS no kira was 100% lost but he thought reader was gorgeous so he was like “sure beautiful whatever you say” luckily reo did step in and take reader back before anything too crazy happened so kira was just left intrigued but yeah it’s such a funny way for them to meet that i think it’s perfect (poor nagi though…nothing will ever be more insane than both of them thinking the other moved on first 😩)

i fear the inspo hunting progress has been at an all time low although i did this really funny rin x jjk edit that had me cackling (also why does rin genuinely look more attractive in these edited panels than in bllk 😭) AND ALSO a hakyona edit which was a crazy fyp pull they’re definitely stalking our convos 😟 honestly atp i might start on the oaeu just so i don’t get crazy writer’s block and stop writing altogether?? and just alternate oaeu chapters with requests…idk we’ll see maybe i just need to lock in and write smth but i feel badddd because if i’m not inspired i feel like my work is of worse quality?? but then again worse quality for me is still decent i’d like to say so maybe it’s not that deep 😓 maybe i’ll just pick one of the requests and start writing literally anything that’s what i did w the instrument and white butterfly and both turned out okay i think!!

kiyora and nagi being soccer rivals: lame, tired, boring, typical 🥱 kiyora being nagi’s discord kitten: insane take, none of those words are in the bible, barou’s going to crash out, nagi is using reo’s money to buy kiyora battle passes as reparations for what he suffered at karasu and otoya’s hands, karasu and otoya crack up when they hear about it, hiori is jealous, etc

REALLL i can’t wait for epinagi to get to nel in like ten years i want to see the behind the scenes of what manshine was up to!! maybe it’s just because idrc abt the mc so i don’t have as much interest in what he’s up to meanwhile i loveee nagi and would sit through a million chapters of him doing literally whatever because he’s my cutie pie special princess

[zootplayz]

Canine Beginnings

Hey guys! So technically, this family started before Serenity but I was assuming there would be an actual mention of Greyson being engaged in a previous Fox post but yeah... that didn't happen. He did NOT end up with Lilith Vatore. Eventually, he realized that gal was no good for him, instead, he ended up with a beautiful sim named Amanda who, like him, is far more outdoorsy. Thus the generational rules: so let's get into it. Usually when I start a new legacy with a spare from a previous family that sim dictates the legacy rules. In this case that sim would be Greyson. Greyson is an active, self-assured, vegetarian. None of these traits really suit what I want to do with this family. Grey is an outdoor enthusiast and his fiance Amanda is an aspiring freelance botanist. So I wanted the family to have an earthy feel. Thus the surname Gaia: the Greek goddess of Earth. Amanda is creative, loves the outdoors, and is childish.

She definitely personifies the whole concept I was going for. As a result, she will be setting our legacy rules for the Gaia legacy. Heirs will need to have the loves the outdoors trait and or be a girl. Which makes total sense with Gaia being a goddess and all. Alright, so we've met the characters let's set the stage.

Flowers Camp Site by ladyfancyfeast The Gaias live on Gaias Jams a retail lot in Brindleton Bay. I know you technically can't live on a retail lot but they never leave and their 'home lot' is vacant. Works just fine for me. One drawback is you don't get any visitors (unless they call) but you get customers all the time so there's always others to talk to. Not that Amanda has much time to socialize she's always in her (way too big for its own good) garden.

Yes, you are looking at cc. Zoot finally caved and delved into the mystical world of cc. Though I didn't do much. After reading rkings current household I remembered I wanted to try out the canning mod and I also downloaded the cottage stuff pack for good measure. I'm going to try to restrain myself, the PTSD from a huge mods folder back in Sims 2 days has not worn off. (The days before we actually had canning in game - kind of fun seeing my sims life when the game was more bare bones.) Back to the subject at hand. The idea with the Gaia family was that Amanda wouldn't work and make her money off of her garden (canning, herbal remedies) and the occasional painting in a family shop. Sounds easy enough...

In theory that is, for the first few days, they couldn't sell anything. Besides the fact that the customers wandered all over the lot and took hours to decide to buy anything. When they finally did, they couldn't. They would stop and wave like something was in the way. Rinse and repeat. It took me forever to figure it out. I initially thought it was the cc shelf but no, then I was like well maybe they actually need a building to walk in?

Yeah, that wasn't it. Which really made me mad they barely have any money as it is. I did figure it out though. It was that pile of logs decorative item I forgot I marked for sale. Maker forbid you place it against the wall! Once someone bought that we just removed the sign and said adios! The store runs smoothly now and you can make one tidy profit off those jams let me tell ya. I even invested in an employee to actually talk to the customers so they buy stuff quicker. Amanda certainly can't do it that garden takes all damn day!

On rare occasions, she does actually get a break. But it's not often. I've lost the thread here. The title is Canine Beginnings do you intend on introducing a canine anytime soon Zoot? Alright, alright, you got it. The first thing the Gaias did upon arriving in Brindleton Bay was to call the adoption agency. I knew from the beginning they would be a (large) dog family. So they adopted two dogs, one adult and one puppy. Both males, I'm not interested in breeding, I just wanted big dogs. Rush is the playful baby,

and Journey is their hunter.

In fact their very first day in the home, Journey took on a fascination with those woohoo bushes and didn't come out so well.

The poor pup got sick his very first day and had to go to the vet with Mom.

Sorry buddy this legacy is just starting out they don't have the money for expensive treatments. You are just going to have to make do with the cone of shame.

We promptly deleted those bushes can't handle the expense let alone a sick pup. Sorry Journey you're going to have to find a new obsession.

um... alright then... I seriously can't keep this dog out of the bathroom, guess I could lock the doors but, nah. Luckily both the dogs get along really well and are often playing together.

Hopefully, that lasts as Rush gets bigger because his cuddle days are up.

Now he can join Grey on his evening jogs around the neighborhood, like Journey.

Journey just loves Grey...

Almost as much as Amanda.

The Gaia family will be back next update! Part 02 Read the full article

[cjsinkythoughts]

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day. 

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.” 

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. 

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

~

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

~

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Rambling About Hunter (The Owl House)

Warnings: discussions of neglect/abuse & dehumanization. Kinda sad and angsty in general.

Basically I just binged The Owl House and I think I deserve to be a little autistic about it. Especially about my favourite character Hunter because he’s my special little meow meow or whatever. This all probably won’t hold up after the finale (I’m writing this on 24/05/22) but eh I have my speculations about his character and I want to ramble about them. Mostly about What he is and how badly he is dealing with it lol.

Canon-inspired fanon, angst, and spoilers (duh) under the cut

Ok so. Hunter. The Golden Guard. Caleb? Uh, whatever you wanna call the guy. He’s a grimwalker (that reveal got me in the heart) and he is messed up and I have a lot to say about him ok. Let’s go.

First I wanna talk about how Hunter doesn’t want Willow and Gus to know he’s a grimwalker. Like, we the audience know they wouldn’t care, but it seems like Hunter thinks they would. Like they would see him differently somehow knowing that he’s a grimwalker. Which leads me to believe he thinks he’s somehow less/different now because of what he is. He doesn’t even KNOW what he is, really, aside from that he’s a copy.

And copy is a really interesting word to me. I think Hunter uses it himself. It implies something unoriginal, replaceable, and perhaps even less valuable than the ‘original’. Although Belos calls him a ‘better version’ of the original, he also says that Hunter was the most accurate to the original, which has gotta mess with your sense of self, right? Individuality must be really confusing for him, like, who is he, what is he, and is he truly his own person if he is a copy of someone else. Of course he is, but does Hunter believe that? God, it makes me too sad let’s move on to sadder things.

He’s lived his whole life trying to impress Belos so that he won’t be replaced, because that’s his biggest fear (likely because being replaced means being Dead) and now he finds out there were potentially HUNDREDS of copies before him? (Belos has been alive for hundreds of years so, I would say he’s probably had quite a few Golden Guards). The shot of all the masks strewn across Belos’ mindscape with Hunter just looking at them, horrified, was honestly haunting to me. Being so innately replaceable must just have messed with Hunter, and Luz barely acknowledges it (fair enough, she had her own shit going on) so I’m not surprised that Hunter ran away after that and decided to start living out of the trash. He was already a mess before then. What kind of teenager fears his boss so much that he legitimately starts digging his own grave in defeat? Hey that’s some real PTSD type shit don’t think I forgot about that.

Hunter is also 16, by the way, which I kept being reminded of by the show itself. Thanks show. And that makes it way more horrific to me. Like, the other Golden Guards are implied to have not lasted very long either, so I doubt any of them made it to their 20s or 30s. Which is some legacy to live up to, right? As someone who never quite thought they would reach 20 (and it is getting closer every day oof) I understand what it feels like to look in the mirror and still see a child who doesn’t know how to handle all of this. And I think Hunter, being so young and put into such an important position, might also be feeling that way even before he found out he was a grimwalker. It’s sort of a live fast die young kinda job.

Also, this is pure speculation, but because Hunter was Created, and the grimwalker info in the book doesnt seem to imply a timeline, just illustrations, we have no way of knowing how old Hunter ACTUALLY is. Like, maybe grimwalkers are born and then mature in a matter of days/weeks. Because how would Belos have the foresight to make a new one 16 years or so before the current one dies? Hunter knows nothing about the previous grimwalker, and only really seems to mention his trials before entering the emperors coven, as part of his ‘childhood’. But what if he’s only been alive for a few years and his memories are fake, placed into his mind to make him believe he’s a generally normal witch? That is something I would be freaking out about if I was Hunter. It’s a lot to take in. Very Blade Runner.

Back to Willow and Gus. Is Hunter upset that Luz found out about the grimwalker thing at the same time as him? It doesn’t seem like he wants anyone to know about it, maybe because he’s worried they will also see him as replaceable (like Belos did) or that he will have to start proving his worth so they see him as an equal. God. I don’t think Hunter fully trusts all of our protagonists, he still has his guard up at all times (cough cough PTSD) and he’s visibly more nervous than when he was the Golden Guard. It’s just smthn to think about.

Also the fact Hunter has scars? When there’s a healing coven that can clearly heal wounds leaving no scars (we have seen this!). Like, yes there have been other characters with scars, but they seem to be characters who have been way more severely hurt (eg Eda’s dad) and more deeply scarred. I think there are three possibilities as to why Hunter has scars:

Belos didn’t let the healers help him after he got hurt, so the scars healed naturally

The scars were super severe but they look less bad now because of healing magic

Belos made Hunter wait a while before summoning healers, giving the wounds more time to become permanent before being healed and therefore leaving scars

The last option is the most “fun” (not really) to me because what I mean by it is, maybe Belos hurt Hunter (as is implied throughout the show) and didn’t want the healers coven to know he was the one who did the damage, so he made Hunter wait (because he couldn’t risk the healers noticing the pattern of Hunter visiting Belos and coming back with wounds) for a while then claimed he was hurt on a mission of some kind, to cover his tracks. OR it was pure neglect, Belos forgetting/being too busy to call the healers coven and leaving Hunter to deal with it by himself. Both options are fucked up but also lead on to my next point:

Hunter finally realising why Belos was careless with him, why he hurt him, why he sent him on dangerous missions despite Hunter being unable to perform competent magic. It was because he’s literally a replaceable clone. I don’t think Belos wants Hunter to die on a mission, purely because making a grimwalker seems difficult and this Hunter especially was apparently most like the original. But I think Belos doesn’t care that much- doesn’t care enough to make Hunter’s life particularly safe. That realisation must be fucking crushing for Hunter- the person he has looked up to all this time never cared about him, always saw him as a weapon/tool, and really just hurt him for the hell of it. Fuuuuuck.

And now Hunter is seeing all the love and appreciation and determination coming from his new friends, and he cares enough to help them like they help him and I think what he’s scared of is all of it being a lie. Like Belos. Who he is now terrified of (and perhaps always was). He doesn’t want them to see him in the same way Belos sees him. Ugh he has so many issues he needs so much therapy. God.

Anyway seeing all the love around him must fuckin. Be difficult. Like, Luz and Amity, obviously, but just like all of his friends. They care about each other and I don’t think he entirely trusts that yet? But he is getting there and I would die for him and... cries.

anyway puts him on the shelf of characters i will never shut up about. the end

P.S. the fucking palisman. flapjack my sweet boy. cries again.