#i kicked a restroom stall wall I was. very mad that day.

[purpleskelet0n]

After having an. absolute shitter of a day like a full level shart monster of a day you need to draw a cow dragon eat comfort food and watch relatable netflix shows to make it better

[lolcat76]

I'm hoping this is a prompt you'd consider: "Sharon and Andy accidentally reveal they are dating during Living Proof (The Closer)"

This prompt is super old, but I’m trying to catch up. Here you go. 

“Mike hates you,” he whispered.

Sharon’s fork was halfway to her mouth, Willie Rae’s green bean casserole ready to slip off and land with a splat on her plate. “He what?” she hissed.

Andy shouldn’t get such a kick out of teasing her, but he couldn’t help himself. He was well aware of how much the Chief resented Sharon’s presence, and Provenza had told him  - more than once, and in great detail - about how much he also hated the Wicked Witch of the 5th Floor.

Even Andy had his moments where he’d happily shove her off a cliff. Those moments were few and far between these days, but missing Christmas Eve dinner with his kids, even if it wasn’t exactly her fault…well, he couldn’t blame the team for being pissed. Even if he had far more satisfying post-Christmas plans that were most definitely still on. His bag was packed and nestled in the trunk of his Crown Vic, ready for a long weekend of snow and skiing and Sharon getting tipsy on her mother’s overly potent egg nog. 

No, he couldn’t blame the rest of the team for being pissed, because they wouldn’t be spending the next four days sleeping next to Sharon Raydor. But Mike Tao, of all people, announcing to the Murder Room that he hated Sharon …well, it was funny. Maybe not to her, but it sure as hell was to him. Mike didn’t hate anyone, except help desk peons who took too long to answer the phone and didn’t respond well to the words “I have a warrant.”

“Oh yeah,” he continued, trying to hide his amusement as her face fell. “Told us and everything.”

“Lieutenant Mike Tao? The same Mike Tao who came to me for help on LAPD policy and regulations before his lieutenant’s exam? That Mike Tao?”

“DId he look like that?” Andy pointed at Tao, his cheeks blushing enough to match his Hawaiian shirt. Tao never could handle more than a single glass of wine, and with Provenza pouring, he was on his third at least. “If that’s the guy, then yeah. He hates you.”

“Another glass, Captain?” Provenza interrupted, waving a bottle of the Chief’s favorite Merlot.

“No. No, thank you, Lieutenant, I believe I’ve had enough.” She pushed away from the table and disappeared from the Murder Room, the ominous sound of her heels echoing against empty hallways sending an involuntary shiver down Andy’s spine.

Dammit.

In the 20 years they’d known each other, he’d lost count of how many times he’d told her that people hated her. At first, it was a desperate attempt to rattle her. Then, as they got to know - and very grudgingly like - each other, it was just a way to tease her. And once they began sleeping together, he’d tell her that Captain West or Detective Ross hated her, then spin a lengthy, and mostly fictional, tale of how he’d defended the honor of the poor, defenseless head of FID.

Apparently it was only funny when it was people she didn’t like so much either.

“What’s her problem?” Provenza asked.

Andy shrugged. “Probably you? I dunno. I’ll go find out.”

She’d go to one of a few places - her office, the bathroom to hide out in a stall until she regained her composure, or the the third floor break room where the IT Bureau commander hid the fancy chocolates from Bottega Louie that Sharon liked so much. He took a chance and settled himself against the wall opposite the women’s restroom.

Andy was just about to give up and go on a search of the mostly deserted PAB corridors when he heard the splash of water running. He had to hand it to his girl - even when she only escaped to the bathroom to hide from his team, she still wouldn’t walk out without washing her hands.

“He doesn’t really hate you,” he said as she emerged, causing her to jump at let loose a little gasp. Normally, he’d be proud at evoking that sort of reaction from her, but normally, he got that reaction by using his tongue for far more satisfying pursuits than shooting off his mouth and hurting her feelings. “He’s just annoyed that his plans got ruined.”

“Oh, well, he has my deepest sympathies,” she snapped. “Lord knows I had nothing better to do with my Christmas than ruin Mike Tao’s vacation.”

Shit. He was gonna have to grovel for this one. “Hey, hey, babe,” he whispered as he pulled her into his arms, one hand rubbing her ramrod-straight spine, “we’re all a little on edge today. Didn’t you tell me you hoped the Chief chokes on her fried okra?”

Sharon sniffled, relaxing just enough in his embrace to bring a grin to Andy’s face. “I didn’t mean it.”

“Neither did he,” Andy reassured her. “Give it a week, and we’ll all forget what a shitty Christmas we’re having.” He kept up the pressure on her spine, pressing into the ever-present knots she carried until she relaxed fully against him.

“You’d better take it back about your shitty Christmas, or I’m not letting you on that flight with me tomorrow.”

“Bullshit. Even if you don’t want me there, your mother loves me.”

“My mother is a sucker for a pretty face,” she muttered into his neck.

Andy leaned back and tipped up her chin, waiting until her eyes met his. “That makes two of us,” he said before leaning down to brush his lips against hers.

“Captain,” Tao said, his head popping out from the doorway to Major Crimes, “Your phone was ringing so I answered….” he trailed off as he processed the scene in front of him. “Oh. You’re busy. I’ll just, uh…” He dropped the phone on one of the benches lining the hallway and disappeared back into the Murder Room.

“Great,” she muttered. “Just great.” She pulled away from Andy and retrieved her phone. “Hi, baby. Did you have a merry Christmas?”

One of her kids, Andy guessed. Emily, given that she wasn’t immediately answering the third degree about where she was, who she was with, and what she was doing. He brushed past her, stopping long enough to drop a kiss on her temple, and left her to her call with her family.

The most elite squad in the LAPD had no problems getting in Andy’s business, but it never failed to amuse him that they never, not once, noticed that he had more than a passing acquaintance with their nemesis from FID. Not a single member of the squad batted an eyelash when he said it was getting late, and he’d see the Captain home.

Except Tao. Andy didn’t think he could get redder in the face, but damn if Tao didn’t surprise him when he helped Sharon into her jacket and picked up her purse. He rested a hand on Sharon’s back, pushing her with a little more force than necessary toward the elevators.

“I’m going to get fired,” she sighed. “All these years of being careful, and I’m going to get fired because Lieutenant Tao had to miss out on his trip to Hawaii.”

“If he makes trouble, I’ll beat him up. Same as I’ve beat up anyone else who’s looked at you funny.”

She snorted. “Yes, because that’s exactly what I need. Investigating intra-department violence instigated by my own careless disregard for ethics. Andy, you do know how to make me feel better. What would I do without you?”

He didn’t even want to consider possible answers to that question. He just wanted to get her home, curl up next to her, and breathe her in until he had to wake up and drive them to the airport to catch their flight to Salt Lake City. He jabbed the button for the elevator again, impatient to get her out of this building and away from the dark cloud that he’d unwittingly brought down on her.

When the elevator dinged and the doors opened, he guided her in, pulling her close as he pushed the button for the lobby. The doors were almost closed when a hand stopped them. As they slid open, Andy sighed. Of course.

Sharon stiffened again and pulled away, but the damage was already done. He kept a firm grip on her waist. “Tao,” he said.

“I, uh, was heading home.”

“No shit,” Andy agreed. “Well, come on. We don’t have all night.”

The three of them stared at the display, watching the numbers tick down from 9 to L. Tao ignored them; Andy ignored him; Sharon shrunk further into herself as if she could disappear on the spot.

When the doors opened, Tao made a beeline for the PAB entrance. He threw open the door, but stopped and caught it before it could slam in Sharon’s face. Holding it open with one hand, he gestured with his other. “Captain.”

“Lieutenant,” she acknowledge. She swept past him with as much dignity as she could muster.

“Thanks,” Andy muttered under his breath. The three walked in silence to the parking garage. And wasn’t it just his luck that Tao had parked next to him this morning. Tao waited for Sharon to open the passenger door of Andy’s Crown Vic, but before she could shut it, he rested his hand against the frame.

“Captain, do you remember when I was taking my LT exam and I asked you for help on policy and procedure?”

She nodded, a little hesitant. “Yes, Lieutenant. I remember very well.”

“I didn’t think it mattered much at the time, but I do recall that there are specific rules about fraternization within the LAPD, and I’m pretty sure that all of them refer to officers within the same chain of command. Anything else…I don’t think that falls under the rules of unethical conduct. So it doesn’t need to be reported, or ever discussed again.”

“I believe you’re right, Lieutenant.”

“Of course I’m right,” Tao said. “I had the foremost expert on LAPD policy teaching me. You enjoy the rest of your holidays, Captain.” With that, he closed the passenger door.

Andy waited until the taillights of Tao’s car disappeared around the corner, then got into the driver’s seat. “Still mad at me?” he asked, reaching out to twine his fingers with hers.

“Always. Take me home, Andy.”

He brought her hand up, kissing it gently before letting it settle on the console between them. “Yes, ma’am.”