#i keep wondering ''why do i feel vaguely bad and why cant i draw or do anything'' and then i remember what a week this has been

[divorcedwife]

i had to say goodbye to way too many people this week :( people have got to stop leaving, on account of how that's just too sad

[laurazepamwrites]

The Chemicals between us ~ Chapter 13

 After their visit to Pix Elle, Mei and Angela had tried the other addresses of the missing omnics without further luck. One had refused to let them in at all and the other address was abandoned altogether, the premises ransacked of what little possessions left. The only thing to remain was the strange Omnic graffiti again. After this Angela insisted on some downtime to collect their thoughts by going to the fashion museum then feeling inspired by this, went shopping for ‘just one new pair of shoes and a dress.’ The boot of the car now loaded with a number of high end bags, they made their way to the bustling Port of Calais to find answers at Hubs most recent place of work. Seagulls screamed overhead and the salt in the air was strong. Huge cruise ships and cargo containers lined the docks. They parked close by and followed the signs for the shipping and logistics companies further along. Mei looked around as they walked past surly looking men, huge cranes unloading steel containers and security droids scanning for anything illegal. She caught sight of a sketchy looking Omnic in shabby clothes who stopped to give her and her companion a look of suspicion. Mei glanced away quickly and kept her eyes peeled for the Global freight logo. Luckily she did not need to search far.

 ‘Hey hey hey you ladies cant be down here!” A large man wearing a hi vis jacket and hardhat shouted across to them in a french accent. “Cruise ships are on the other side! Bloody tourists..”

 “Is this Global Freight?” Angela asked, ignoring him.

 “You health and safety? You're not due to next wednesday.”

   “My name Is Amander Muller and this is Lin Chang, we’re looking for Hub 0.5. We understand he works here?”

 “You police?”

 “Non monsieur, we’re journalists for the Connexion. Might I know your name?”

 He scratched his stubble of a beard and looked them both up and down. “Too pretty to be pigs I guess..names Vic Dubrand. I'm the foreman here. Now why are you after that rust bucket Hub?”

 “He may help us with a report we are working on but have unable to locate him. Even his wife hasn't seen him for days.” Said Angela.

 “You think I have? Look lady, Hub came to work as usual then never shows up again. Far as i'm concerned he don't work for me no more. Already got a bot to replace him.”

 “How was he? When you last saw him?” Mei asked

 Dubrand smirked at her. “Its an Omnic sweetheart, you think they have feelings or bad days like we do? He comes to work, does what hes programmed to, goes home. Ah mind you, he did argue with some other bots down by the old containers last week. I think they were some layabouts with no jobs causing trouble.”

 Mei and Angela exchanged glances. “When was this?” Angela asked.

 “Dunno exactly, about two days before he disappears.”

 “Did you see the Omnics he argued with again?”

 “Non, they just come by, paint their stupid propaganda and leave. Hub scrubbed most of it off.”

 “Where's the container?”

 Dubrand turned and vaguely gestured behind him. “Somewhere over there, I don't give a shit about what Omnics get up to as long as they know their place. Not much else to tell you.” He adjusted his hard hat and began walking back to his site office. “You get hit with a falling container not my fault!” He added before shutting the door.

 “Charming man..” Mei said bitterly.

 It only took them a couple of minutes to find the container Dubrand mentioned. It had been scrubbed hard to dispose of the spray paint but the strange code was just about visible. It was the same they had found at nearly every site an Omnic had disappeared. “This cant be a coincidence can it?” Asked Mei, kneeling down to run her fingers over the paint which flaked off at her touch.

 “Its certainly suspicious, but keep in mind there are posters and art everywhere for pro and anti Omnic. This could just be the latest one..see? look over there, there's a sticker that says ‘Humans cant be trusted.’”

 “I think you're right, but I'm going to send Athena a picture of this code just in case.” Mei replied, taking her camera out and taking a few snaps.

 Angela looked at her watch. “Good idea..we should head back, not much else to do until the rally tomorrow.”

 They headed back along the docks and to the street where they had left the car. As they walked Mei noticed Angela glance around behind them. “Act normal Mei and walk straight past the car.” Mei frowned up at her. “Whats wrong?”

 “We’re being followed. Look ahead and stay calm.”

 Mei did as she was told and resisted the urge to look behind her, she had no idea who was following them or how far behind but she was glad Angela had experienced enough to know they were in potential danger. She followed Angelas lead and soon the doctor led them to an alleyway. Angela pulled Mei behind her and took out her gun, aiming it at the entrance then at the head of their stalker who turned into the alley seconds later.

 “Whoa whoa whoa! Lady, that's a bit much!”  The shabby, rust speckled Omnic Mei noticed at the docks threw his hands up in surrender.

 Angela kept her pistol well aimed. “Who are you and what do you want?”

 “Sal! My names Sal, short for Shipping analysis lo-”

 “What do you want!” Snapped Angela.

 “Gee are you always this cranky? Can you put the gun down? it's making me      very    nervous.”

 Angela narrowed her eyes at the strange Omnic and lowered her weapon but kept a firm grip on it. “Talk.”

 “I heard you, back at the docks? You said you're looking for Hub..I know him.”

 “You're not the only one so why follow us? What do you know?” Asked Angela.

 “Know you’re not reporters. Old Sal here knows the media cares not for me and mine unless its something bad. You think they care if we go missing? If I had a mouth I'd spit!”

 Angela began to raise her gun again. “If you have no viable information than..”

 “I saw Hub get taken!” Sal exclaimed, cowering slightly. “He..he saw some strange omnics graffiting at the docks. He told them to clear off but they just stood there, Hub didn't move either! I couldn't understand what they were saying, we Omnics speak to each other in Omnicode but I couldn't understand this. It was like another language but Hub.. he understood. He let them go. I tried to talk to him after but he was acting weird..said he needed to ‘wake up’. Then Dubrand shouts at us to get back to work but I followed Hub home that night. I was worried..I watched him walk to the front of his apartment and the same image was there, he just stares at it and looked like he was waiting for something.”

 “Did you try to talk to him at all?” Mei asked, feeling slightly unnerved by Sals story.

 “I shouted his name and was about to go to him but a car comes round the corner, black windows. I couldn't see who was driving. Hub he..he just gets in! I think they saw me. They didn't drive away until I left. I can't go to the police, they don't care and then you ladies show up!”

 “Can you read the code on the painting?” Mei showed him the picture she took at the docks but Sal just shook his head. “Nothing Ive seen before. We Omnics all speak the same code, its how we communicate. Its how the defected had such an upper hand in the war. But this? This is just gibberish!”

 Angela holstered her gun. “Sal, I think you need to come with us. From what you have seen I think you may be in danger.”

 Sal shook his head and back off. “No thanks lady, still don't trust you. You could be the bad guys for all i know..oh I think I made a mistake talking to you. See Sal you just need to keep ya head down and shut up. That's what Dubrand always told ya..Ol Hub is probably just fine.” He backed up to the end of the alley and briskly walked away muttering to himself.  Mei looked from Sal to Angela. “Do we follow him?”

 “It would draw too much attention trying to force a twitchy Omnic like that in the car, besides we need to get this information to the Commander as soon as possible. Has Athena come back with any results?”

 Mei checked her phone for any contact. “No, not yet.”

 “Lets go. We’ll head back to the hotel and write up what we know so far, this isn't good Mei. I dread to think what this could all mean.”

                          -----------------------------------------------------------

 Ana and Satya watched each other intensely, waiting for the other to make their move. Satyas gauntlet glowed as she prepared to manipulate a cube of hard light between her fingers and Ana had her sleep dart aimed at her heart.

 “Ill ask again..what are you doing?” Satya asked coldly.

 “Would you believe me if i said i was the cleaning lady?” Ana smirked.

 “You kill a vishkar employee and you make jokes?”

 Ana tutted. “Oh shes not dead, just asleep. You are welcome to join her unless you power down that glove of yours.”

 “You think to challenge me?” Satya scoffed. “Do you know who I am.”

 “Yes my dear I know who you are. I wonder if you do.”

 The question confused Satya and the lack of focus showed in the hardlight that quivered in her hand. Ana saw the lapse in concentration, she could have shot her there and then, wipe Satya’s computer and leave the way she came, but she decided not to. Instead she placed her sleep dart at her feet, kicked it away from her and raised her hands, all the while smiling at Satya. As quickly as the sleep dart had fallen still on the spotless carpet had hardlight binds wrapped around Anas wrists. Ana looked down at the near transparent, crystal blue solid light. It was hard not to admire the craftsmanship behind it.

 “Well you caught me, and what will you do now I wonder?” Ana cheerfully asked. “Call security? Police? Maybe you and I can have a little chat before you do that?”

 “Silence! Before I bind your mouth too.”

 “A pity my dear, wouldn't you like to hear what an old Overwatch Captain has to say?”

 The binds flickered for a split second but Satya held firm. She could not keep this up for longer. Focusing hardlight was incredibly difficult which made Architects highly valuable. Soon she would need to make the decision to call security, drag her there herself or release her and talk. She had surrendered after all and the curiosity over this womans strange actions were dulling her focus.

 “Who are you?” She eventually asked.

 “My name is Captain Ana Amari. I am not here to hurt you or anyone else Satya. I'm trying to prevent that from happening to anyone.”

 “Why have you come here?”

 “Because Vishkar are potentially a threat, and you are much easier to get to then Mr Korpal. I wonder dear..do you know who you work for?”

 The binds cracked and loosened before solidifying once again. “How dare you.” Satya breathed hard. “Vishkar is building a better future for humanity, we have built home for the displaced, we-!”

 “Impose martial law to control people? My dear you are not unintelligent, did you ever stop to think what Vishkar was doing was unethical?”

 “We...I..I just want to make a better world.”

 Ana smiled sympathetically at her. “So do we Satya, but i don't think you’ll get the world you want by being Sanjay's puppet.”

 The binds disappeared completely in specks of light that glinted as they fell. A bead of sweat ran down Satyas face. “I owe him everything.” she said weakly.

 “No dear, i think you owe yourself that credit.” Ana said, pulling the microchip from the computer. She handed it to Satya. “Take it. I don't think what I am looking for is here after all.”

 Satya took it from her cautiously. Ana fished in her bag and pulled out a small notepad and quickly jotted down something, tore the page out and gave it to Satya.

 “This is my personal number, listen to your gut feeling and you call me when you really want to change the world.” Satya stared at it, plagued by questions and her head swimming with confusion. She opened her mouth to ask Ana more but instead a soft “      Oh!”    escaped her lips as she felt a quick sharp prick on her arm. Looking down she saw a tiny dart sticking in her skin like a small insect, she felt woozy.

 “Im sorry Satya but I really must be going.” Ana said sincerely, like she had stopped by for a visit with an old friend. She gently took the Architect's unresisting arm and sat her down on the sofa. Ana brushed a loose strand of her behind her ear. “Nxt time you see Sanjay..ask him. Ask him about Talon. Soon you will understand.”

 Satya mouthed silent words, unable to speak, her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. She heard the door to her office shut softly, the      ding    of the elevator as it arrived on its floor. She slumped softly onto her side.

 “Am I a puppet?” She thought before falling asleep.

                     ------------------------------------------------------------

 Mei tossed and turned in the hotel bed, struggling to sleep. It was more frustrating here, she was on a mission and needed to be rested. As soon as they returned from their strange meeting with the Omnic named Sal, Angela had called back to base and updated Morrison on their investigation. He was concerned with their findings and warned them to be cautious and to find out what they could at the rally. She looked at the time on her phone. It was almost two in the morning. Feeling the insomnia defeat her for now she opened up her messages to check for the millionth time if she had any feedback from Athena. As she expected there was none, but something did catch her attention. Athena had set up a private network for the occupants of the Gibraltar base to stay in contact when out in the field or on opposite ends of the building. Mei occasionally checked it for messages, usually very late at night. Most of the time she noticed Junkrat was also awake at stupid o clock in the morning, just like he was tonight. Mei considered messaging him but what would she say? Her first thought was ‘Haha turns out this mission was a lot bigger than you thought.’ But that wasn't very becoming of her, she thought maybe she could just say hi, but she felt awkward doing even that. Especially if he poked fun or even ignored her. Still, she did wonder why he was up so late and so often. Angela mumbled something in her sleep and rolled over, Mei yawned and decided it was time to try and sleep again before she got herself annoyed again over the Junker. Still, he did prove to be a good distraction as Mei was soundly asleep a short time later.

 Mei woke up before her alarm the following morning, she had quietly slipped out of bed, washed and changed before heading down to the breakfast bar alone. She kept checking her phone, no update from anyone back at base. Mei took note of the time, It was nearly eight in the morning, another ten hours to go before they were due at the extraction site. She mulled over what they had found out from yesterday's leads and kept coming back to the strange conversation with Sal. Who were the Omnics who spoke to Hub? Had he really just left with them on his own accord? And what about the strange code on the graffiti? Did it connect to the strange language Hub apparently used? Mei had begun to wonder how much of Sal’s story was even credible. She jumped slightly as a coffee mug was placed on the table, jolting her from her thoughts. “Sleep well?” Angela asked brightly, sitting opposite Mei.

 “I think so, how about you?”

 “Hmm the pillows were too soft.” Angela complained, massaging the back of her neck. “Still, the mattress is a lot better than my one back at base.” Mei smiled in response and absent mindedly pulled apart the croissant in front of her.

 “Nervous?” Angela asked.

 “I guess? I'm worried how the rally will go. They start off with good intentions..but you know how some get.”

 “If that happens we leave as quickly as possible. We’re not in a position for combat and we can't give ourselves away. Just stay with me and we’ll be fine.” She gave Mei a reassuring smile which Mei returned, the anxiety still gnawing away at her. They finished up their breakfast and headed back to the room to start packing their belongings. Mei trying to coax an angry snowball to go into sleep mode and to be placed in a large duffel bag again and Angela delicately placing her new clothes into her luggage with as little creasing as possible. It was past ten in the morning when they checked out and loaded the car with their suitcases. They planned to be at the rally location by midday to get a good spot for surveillance so had spent some time wandering the streets and had a light lunch at a local cafe near to the square where the rally was to be held. As midday approached they headed to the square, it was already filling with people and omnics alike. Some held placards with pro omnic slogans whilst others opted for banners and flags. The atmosphere was jovial as music began to play as sound checks were being made on stage. Angea and Mei inched further forward,opting to be close to the stage and the large marquee next to it which Mei assumed was for the organizers and guests.

 “Over here Mei.” Said Angela, signalling to a free space by the metal crowd control barriers. “So now we wait.” She said, leaning on the barrier. “Chances are nothing will happen so may as well try to enjoy ourselves. There's a band playing after the speeches.”

 “I’m not sticking around so you can have a dance.”

 “You’ve really lost your sense of fun.”

 “We’re working!”

 “We’re blending in, go on - shout something pro Omnic!”

 “Angela I really don't want to draw attention to my-Owww!” Mei whined and covered her ears as Angela winced, most of the crowd copied their behavior and complained loudly as the speakers on stage blasted a high pitch feedback.

 “Désolé! Je suis désolé! Sorry everyone!” An omnic rushed to the mic to apologize for the noise. “Bad soundcheck but we’re almost ready to begin!”

 “Huh, earlier than expected.” Noted Angela as she looked at her phone which had started to vibrate. “Hello? Jack?” Angela answered her phone and looked confused. “Hello?” She looked at her phone and pressed the screen. “Weird.” She said, hanging up. “Maybe he called by mistake.”

 “What do you mean?” Mei asked.

 “I couldn't hear him, just strange noises..maybe there's a bad signal here.”

 “Maybe..” Mei hoped it was something that simple, looking around she noticed some omnics still recovering from the harsh feedback noise. Some were shaking their heads, others looked rather dazed. It must affect them more than humans. “What if he was calling about the code?” She asked Angela. The Doctor was already on it and had her phone pressed to her ear. “No..nothing.” She said hanging up. “Can you try?” But Mei had the same result, she even tried Winston and Reinhardt, stranger still was that she had full signal on her phone. Out of the corner of her eye she saw an Omnic stumble on the spot..her anxiety started to flare up and she barely heard the announcement on stage. She heard the crowd cheering louder and she glanced up at the stage, her eyes widening.

 “Angela..its Liberte..!” But Angela was fully aware the presumed missing Omnic had made a sudden appearance. The crowd cheered as the artist came on stage. “Maybe it was personal reasons after all.” She looked up at Angela who was frowning at the Omnic, “What is it?” Mei asked, following her gaze. Liberte had reached the microphone and simply stood there, not greeting his audience, not saying a word. The cheering had died down and there was awkward laughter and mutterings from the crowd. “Maybe this is a live art piece!” Mei overheard someone say.

 Liberte stood silent a minute more then very slowly his head began to raise, it jerked to the side suddenly as if he just got shocked. He began to speak. “Brothers, sisters. What a sad sight you are before me..” The crowd murmured, confusion rippling among them. “We have been victims from the day we were born from our Mother Omniums into this ravaged planet. We have been made scapegoats to Mankind's own failures. We have been murdered, mutilated and made into slaves by our oppressors!” Mei looked through the crowd, some were nodding their heads in agreement, others looking nervous. Some humans had already begun to leave, she saw some of the Omnics affected by the high pitch noise from earlier and felt her stomach knot. They stood completely still, heads down, no glow to their eyes. As if they were sleeping. “Angela…?” She said nervously.

 “We’re leaving. Nice and easy and keep calm” The doctor said, taking Mei’s arm and turning her around. As they began to push back through the crowd Liberte continued to speak. “You traitors that slave under human rule.” His head jerked violently, his eyes flashed. “You cowards that live in fear of flesh and blood! We are the stronger race!” Liberte screamed and jerked.       “    We are the cure! -      Jerk-    We will rise from the ashes of our dead and the bones of our oppressors!”

 The crowd was getting stirred up as humans and Omnics alike tried to leave, there were shouts for Liberte to leave the stage and a bottle was even thrown at him, the glass smashing on stage yet he did not even flinch, shouts for uprising, shouts for a new crisis. Scuffling broke out nearby in the crowd and one of the sleeping Omnics was shoved hard, falling to the ground. Mei looked back and hesitated. “Angela wait!” She shouted, making her decision and rushing back to the fallen Omnic. She crouched by him and shook him but there was no light in his eyes and he made no movement. “Leave him Mei!” Angela grabbed her and half dragged her upwards on to her feet. She had her phone pressed to her ear again. “Dammit!” She shouted, still getting no signal to contact base. “This was planned! We need to get out of here before a riot happens.”

 “Liberte! Angela look at Liberte!”

 Liberte was jerking more violently, his eyes flashing from blue to red, he gripped the microphone stand to support himself and a burst of sparks flew from circuits on his neck. “The eye is lost but the eye will open! It's time to wake up.” A final jerk and his eyes went dead and his head slumped forward, mirroring the ‘sleeping’ Omnics standing like sentinels in the panicking crowd. Slowly his eyes glowed red and he raised his head, a strange sound erupting from the speakers. High pitched noises of different frequencies almost sounding like a song as it pulsated from the speakers. It took a few seconds for Mei to realize Liberte was making the noise. “Wha..What is that?”

 The strange noise stopped and Liberte began to laugh as oil started to drip from his red glowing eyes, his omnic mouth and from joints in his body. “The eye is opening!” He screamed as his body jerked and crackled from exploding circuits within him as he slumped forward and fell from the stage.

 “We need to get to him! Mei, head to the barriers.” They went back on themselves, finding it much harder as the crowd pushed back against them as they tried to leave. More projectiles were being thrown and the atmosphere increasingly heated. Mei saw the fallen omnic on the ground, his metal fingers twitching, she barely registered him this time, she was scared and felt incredibly exposed. Angelas hand on her shoulder was the only thing keeping her grounded as her small frame was shoved and pushed by those around her. She gasped and ducked as something smashed against a wall close by. The shouting was getting too much..she could hear sirens blaring and getting closer. “Keep going, almost there.” Angela said. Fuelled by adrenaline they reached the barriers, Angela vaulting herself over them and reaching back to help pull Mei over. She felt instantly safer with the barriers between them and the increasingly angry crowd. As she caught her breath she spotted Liberte sprawled on the ground below the stage, Angela was already rushing to him.

 “Liberte? What happened? Who did this to you?”

 His eyes had gone back to their normal blue, he was gasping like his body was in pain. “Where-am-I?”

 “Sshh It's ok, its ok. We’re gonna help you, we’re getting you out of here.”

 Mei’s head snapped to the crowd as the shouting suddenly began to change pitch to frightened screaming. More pockets of fighting were breaking out and others had started to rush the barriers, she backed up against the stage, broken glass cracking under her feet.

 Liberte gasped and reached up, pulling at Angela's shirt. He rasped and gurgled. It was an awful sound, an awful sight, as the oil bubbled as it leaked from him like blood. His eyes began to flicker and dull. His voice crackled as he tried to speak. “The-They are-c-c-calling.”

 “Who? Who's calling? Liberte..? Liberte!?” Angela shook him but his eyes were now dull. He was dead.

 “Angela! Behind you!”

 Angela felt something claw viciously at her back, She scrambled up, half stumbled over libertes dead body and fell against the stage, spinning herself she aimed her pistol and fired. One of the ‘sleeping’ Omnics fell heavily to the ground, a smoking hole between its eyes. Angela and Mei looked on in horror as the omnics that stood silent were now very much animated and attacking whatever was near them, their eyes glowing red. Mei watched as the one she tried to help had risen from the ground and was viciously attacking someone. She felt sick.

 “Mei! Down there!” Angela pulled her along after her, pistol in hand, towards a small side street lined with boutique shops and cafes that had closed for the rally. The graffiti with the strange code was hastily painted on one of the shutters, wet paint dripping down the metal. Mei looked over her shoulder as she ran and faltered, stopping in her tracks as people ran past her to escape.

 “Hub..?”

 It was him. The gentle looking omnic from the photograph with Pix Elle, he staggered down the street towards her, swiping and grabbing at anyone that came near, a spatter of crimson blood across his metal face.

 Angela fired and shot a red eyed omnic that had burst from an adjourning street, it crashed to the ground, its eyes slowly burning out. ‘      How many are there!?’    Thought Angela. ‘      Is the whole city affected?’    An omnic pushed past her and she aimed her pistol, it raised its hands and cowered before her, its eyes blue. She lowered her weapon and the omnic continued to run. ‘      Only certain ones    ?’ Close by a shop window smashed and she heard more sirens and shouting back towards the square, the combat medic in her urged her to return and help the wounded but with no valkyrie suit or medical supplies what use could she be? No, get to extraction. Just keep moving. “Mei keep going, I’ll cover you!..Mei?”      She was here, she was next to me!”    . “Mei?!” Angela screamed, desperately trying to see her through the rush of panic and terror.

 Hub shambled slowly towards Mei, his head jerking as Libertes did and he was struggling to stand. Whatever was causing this seemed short lived. The omnic weakly grabbed at anything that got to close as they ran past but his grip was too weak. Mei winced as he stumbled and fell to his knees, a lone drip of oil running from his eye and blending with the blood. Mei crouched down slowly, picking up an empty bottle left in the street and tentatively stepped forward.

 “Hub..?” She said gently and took a step forward. “Hub, my name is Mei..I..I know your wife. Pix Elle?”

 Hub stayed motionless, he remained on his knees and seemed fixated on the slow      drip drip drip    of oil as it fell to the ground. His head jerked at the mention of his wife's name.

 “I don't know what's happening to you Hub.” Mei took another step forward. “But I know it's not your fault.”

     Drip drip drip  

 “Its ok..we can help you.” Another step.

     Drip drip drip  

 “We can find Pix Elle. We can try and stop this..”

     Drip drip drip  

 Mei was close to him, he was ignoring everyone that rushed by now, she was sure he could hear her, understand her. She knelt in front of him.

 “I know you’re in there Hub..I know you don't want to do this. None of you do..im so sorry this has happened..”

 He slowly raised his head, oil now leaking from all eyes. He looked like he was crying. “Pix..Pix..Pix.” His head jerked with each word.

 “We’ll find her ok? Lets find her.” Mei smiled warmly at him and slowly held her hand out. Hub looked at it and his eyes started to flash back to blue. “I..I..”

 “It's ok Hub..” She said softly.

 “I..”

 She could hear the low hum of engines overheard and the crowds were getting thinner, maybe the French authorities were taking control of the situation. Close by a window smashed, Mei flinched at the sound and Hubs eyes flashed to red, He snapped his head at Mei.

 “Hub      no    !” Mei fell backwards as he launched at her, she scrambled back desperately as he clawed at her legs, his metal digits painfully scratching her, Mei kicked him hard in the face, one of his eyes cracking from the force. She struggled back and attempted to stand but Hub snatched her ankle and pulled her down roughly, the side of her head hitting the pavement as she fell. Mei gasped in pain and instantly felt nauseous and her vision blurred, she was barely aware that she was screaming. She thrashed viciously and felt his grip weaken, using the opportunity to pull herself up more before she smashed the bottle down on his head with all her strength, his grip slackened and finally he let go. Whether she killed him or not she did not know, her mind race and before she knew it she was half running half feeling her way away from the Omnic. “Angela!” She tried to scream, her voice feeling hoarse. “      Angela!”  

 But she was too disoriented, she had no idea how far she had run and no idea where she was now. She felt people running by, the ringing in her ears adding to the confusion. Someone tried grabbing her wrist and shouted but without her glasses she couldn't tell if it was someone trying to help or harm her, she wrenched her arm free and ran once again but she was feeling more sick by the second, she stumbled on something and she reached to steady herself, feeling cool brick wall beneath her fingertips. Mei involuntarily leant against it and slid to the ground, catching her breath and fighting the urge to vomit. She was sure she heard her name over the distortion in her head, but the world was too blurry to make sense of, her glasses cracked and useless. The throbbing in her head was intense. She tried to sit up but the pain made her feel more nauseous. Over the ringing noise she heard her name being shouted again but maybe she imagined it. Mei blinked trying to focus, something was in her eye, she blinked again, It was wet and red and hot. Mei gave a startled cry, squeezing her eyes shut and tried once again to move, her body feeling like lead, panic bubbling in her stomach and chest growing tight as her mind began to catch up on what was happening. She needed to find Angela. With effort she braced her arm against the wall and attempted to push herself up, ignoring the urge to throw up and the pain pulsing through her skull. Suddenly hands were on her pushing her firmly back down, Mei yelled in alarm and lashed out, her fist connecting hard with whoever was in front her.

 “Ow! Fucks sake woman, you wanna be left here?”

 Her hair was sticking to the blood on her face as it began to dry. “J-Junkrat?”

 “...Gotta keep still ok Mei, dunno how bad you are. Just focus on yer breathing before shock gets to ya alrite?” He gave her arms a reassuring squeeze.

 Mei gave a small whimper in reply, trying to touch the bleeding wound on her head. Jamison grabbed her hand and held onto it.

 ‘Nope, no ya dont wanna touch that ok. Trust me it's not that bad, just a lil nick.’ He reassured her.

 Tears now joined the blood streaming down her face as her choked on a sob. “I can't..I can't see”

 “Yeaahhhh...ya glasses wanna bit o’ glue i won't lie. But don't worry about that kay? Lets just get you moving.”  He reached up to his communicator. “Yeah hi, whoever's listening I found Frosty- I mean Mei! Mei! I found Mei..yeah she's ok, bit of blood. Maybe concussed to fuck...Uh huh..yeah..yeeaah..ok bored now bye!” He reached into one of the leather wallets on his belt and pulled out some gauze. “Sorry this might hurt.” He said, pressing the gauze against the wound.

 “Ahh!” Mei squealed in pain.

 “Told ya. Keep it pressed on coz we gotta move, Jesus Christ what the fuck happened here?” He crouched next to her, hooking an arm around her as she gingerly placed hers around his shoulders. “Ok on three..three-!” He vaulted her up onto her feet with ease but the sudden movement threatened her stomach and her head felt like it was about to split.

 “Ahhhoowww oww owww! Why did you do that?” Mei whined loudly.

 “Your up aren't ya? I don't fancy hanging around! Fucking hell you are      tiny!”  

 “Can someone else come get me?” Mei whimpered.

 “Ok down you go.” Junkrat replied bluntly as he began to lower her.

 “No no no no!” Mei clung on to him in panic, her nails sharply digging into him.

 “Yeah that's what I thought...”

[midnigtartist]

6. The super long kiss that wasn’t intended

He knows he should be watching the treeline. Sat beside Nott at the front of the cart, Molly knows that he ought to be scanning the tree line for any potential threats to their merry band as they weave their way through the valley. But he just can’t seem to get himself to focus on the slow passing trees as Nein marches southward. His gaze keeps slipping from the road, as he glanced over his shoulder at the wizard curled up in the back of the cart.

As to be expected, he’s got a book propped up in his lap. One of the spellbook he keeps strapped to his side, Molly notes, as he carefully and meticulously sifts through their recent spoils. The faint hum of arcane energy hangs in the air around him. It pricks at the back of Molly’s neck, making the hair there stand on edge and that’s why he’s been so distracted, and certainly not because Caleb looks so darling and content with his task, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips.

No, Molly thinks wryly to himself, it’s certainly nothing to do with that. Not at all.

He swings his legs over the side of the cart bench, earning and disgruntled yelp from Nott as she’s jostled by the movement. Molly ignores this, instead watching Caleb’s, dare he says, giddy smile as the pearl clasped tight in his hand dulls, and he picks up the bracelet he’s been inspecting. Sliding off the bench, Mollymauk seats himself cross legged at the perimeter of Caleb’s pile of spoils, resting his cheek to his fist.

“Anything interesting?”

Caleb starters, but only a little, his head jolting up and eyes blinking as he takes in the new addition to his ring of shiny things. Molly offers him a curling, close mouth smile in lue of a proper greeting.

Caleb nods, pulling at his beard. “Ja, this-” he gestured vaguely over the lot of stuff, a crooked grin on his face. “This ist gut. There is a lot a usefully things here.”

“Almost finished then?” Molly asks.

“Oh yah, I just have to look over these rings for Jester, you know, and then that will be all of it but ahhhh- you have come over here? Is- is there something you need?” the thrill the magic gives him, seems to bear wearing off and Molly can see Caleb slowly receding back into his shell. And that simply won’t do.

He shrugs “Not particularly. This is fascinating, by the way.”

Caleb lowers his gaze to his spellbook. He twiddles and twists the pearl between his fingers and Molly tracks the movement because that’s fascinating too. Caleb’s long fingers rolling the small bead between them is truly something and he can feel the slight flush crawling up his neck.

“You have seen me identify objects before,,,” Caleb mutters.

“And I find it thrilling every time!” he says. He leans forward so his elbows are pressed into his knees. “I think it’s just wonderful, that. How you can learn all of that stuff just from looking at it for a few minutes. It’s very impressive!”

Caleb shrugs, but Molly spies a phantom of a smile touching the corner of his mouth and he finds himself beaming all the wider for it.

“Well you know, there is a bit more to it then that but it is ahhh,, nerd shit.”

“What I’ve learned from traveling with the lot of you terrible people is that nerd shit tends to be the shit that keeps us alive. It’s very useful shit. Don’t sell your shit short Caleb, it’s very good shit! Quality, even.” he says. Somewhere to the right of him, he can hear Jester cackling. He keeps his eyes and his smile trained on Caleb, who’s actually turned a bit to face him.

“Ha ha.” it’s not a laugh, not really. It more just the noise, but it’s so endearing that Molly’s insides squirm with delight at the sound. “I suppose you are right- about that at least.”

“You’d be surprised by how much I’m right about, actually.” Molly says.

This time Caleb does laugh, even if all it is a huff of air. “Mister Mollymauk.”

“Mister Caleb”

The pearl rolls between his thumb and forefinger. “Would you like learn a magic trick? I, you know, I have tried teaching Jester before, and umm, Beauregard but, they don’t, well, they really do not have the patience for this sort of thing.”

He cocks his head to the side. “And you think I do?”

“I have seen you mend your coat.” Caleb says, actually leveling his clear blue gaze on Molly, effectively pinning him in place. “That embroidery is your handy work, hmm? Something like that takes a lot of time.”

Molly draws back so that he’s sitting up straight. “Well as flattering as it is to know you keep eye on me.” Caleb flushes. “-I don’t think I’m quite clever enough to do what it is you do dear.”

Magic, at least, the magic Caleb does, seems to require a lot of reading, and reading has never really agreed with Mollymauk Tealeaf. It makes his eyes hurt and his whole brain revolt against him, can even give him a terrible headache if he forces himself to work at it for too long.

Caleb’s brows draw together, forming deep creases between his eyes. “It is not that hard.” he says.

Molly flashes him a tight smile. “Yes, but I’m not that smart.”

The wizard shuts his spellbook with a forceful snap that makes Molly’s tail jump and curl up behind him. “Come here, Mollymauk.” Caleb says, commands really, Molly thinks with a shiver. “I will not force you, if you do not wish, but do not withhold just because you think that you might not be clever enough. I will be the judge of that.”

“Well when you put it so nicely,,,” Molly says, praying to the Weaver that he sound relatively unaffected by whatever that was. He slides over so that he’s sitting next to Caleb, instead of across from him. “So, what will I be learning then?”

Caleb hesitates, but only for a moment before he opens his book back up, and shuffles over so that Molly can see the pages, balancing it on his knee.

“Something simple, I think.”

“Oh goody.”

Even the creak of the branches in the wind sounds ominous, which Molly thinks is rather ridiculous and painfully cliche. His blade, glowing with a warm, white light, is wrapped up in the tails of his coat to dull it’s radiance as Molly creeps along low in the brush. The Nein had decided, against Molly’s better judgement, decided to travel a few hours past sunset.

“The next town isn’t that far, guys.” Jester had told them, brandishing the map with the same ferocity with which she handles her sickle. “We’ve been on the road for daaaaaaaaaaays and my feet are getting all tired and gross from walking so much and I just want to sleep in a bed and not in the grass and wake up with like, bugs in my hair and stuff.”

So they’d marched on, and now they’re paying the price because not only is it a good couple of hour past sunset, but they’d been assaulted by some ruffians. Taking advantage of the exhausted state of the party, they’d managed to stop them, rob them, and make off with Jester’s haversack of holding. With so much of their valuable shit in that bag, they’d decided to give chase, and had gotten spread pretty thin in the processes. Which, isn’t such a bad thing, Molly’d been able to pick off a few of the bandits, spread thin themselves, quickly and quietly. But he’s worried about everyone else. If they were unlucky enough to run into more of the bastards then they could handle alone, with Jester possible very, very far away. That could make things a bit more sticky.

Of course, they’re all pretty capable, decently strong. And yet,,, Molly’s worried about some, specifically squishy members of their party.

He’ll- they’ll be fine.

He marches on deeper into the woods.

A bit of time later, the sound of muffled voices hit Molly’s ears. Not long after does he spy the flicker of firelight through the leaves, painting speckled shadows along forest floor.

Molly pauses a moment, tucking himself against a rotting old tree trunk. Peeking over the top of it he can just barely make out a group of darkened figured, hooting and hollering like idiots around a makeshift camp. Why do petty thieves always do that? Make a whole fucking ton of noise that gives away their position. Every single band of thieves he’s ever run into does it. It’s just not smart. Though, if they were smart enough to understand that they probably wouldn’t be out here robbing well seasoned mercenary groups, he thinks. He counts the shadows, or at least he tries to. The back lighting from the fire is fucking up his night vision but he thinks he sees four or five distinct individuals. Too many to take out alone.

Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, he pulls out a little piece of wire. Its difficult, harder with only one hand, but he manages to wrap the bit of copper around his finger and brings it up to his lips. He points out into the woods in the general direction he thinks he saw people running. “Found a group of them. Looks like five maybe? North. Just past that one rock that looks remarkably like a penis. Oh ! and you can reply to this message” he whispers into his fist.

Molly does this eight more time, hoping that if he casts a wide enough net he’ll be able to get in touch with at least some of the Nein. Between not knowing exactly where everyone is and the, frankly concerning, fizzle of the spell against his lips he not sure how many of them got the message. On the fourth time, he hears Jester’s cackling rattling around in his skull. It’s a horrible bizarre feeling that makes his skin tingle,and not even in the fun way.  On the sixth one he hears Beau’s exasperated “real fucking mature, man” and has to stifle a chuckle. On the last one, it’s Caleb’s voice ringing around in his skull.

“I see the rock you are talking about. oh- ja it does look like a dick.” He says. “I am making my way over to you now.”

Molly waits, one eye on the trees around him, one on the group of bandits, watching for any strange movement. Maybe one of them will come over here to take a piss. He could take them out nice and quite, and that would be one less shit head to deal with.

The bushes to his right rustle and Molly tightens his grip on his sword. Caleb comes sprinting out of the underbrush towards him, crouched low to the ground to avoid being spotted. Molly can’t even even get a word of greeting out before Caleb is suddenly upon him, hands reaching to curl around the lapel of his coat.

The wizard is positively beaming at him, his face cracked with a wide smile Molly has only ever seen him give Nott. His eyes are practically glowing, wide and excited and full of pride. He’s on Molly in an instant huddled against the rotten log alongside him and Molly is stunned.

“You cast message!” Caleb says, barely able to keep his voice to a stage whisper for the excitement. His hands come up, cupping Molly’s face between them and immediately the teifling feels himself start to color. Thumbs rub over his cheeks, Caleb squishing his face between his calloused palms “You cast the spell, you did the thing that I showed you! Oh! I am so proud! I am so proud of you! You are brilliant Mollymauk. I could kiss you!”

Well, that makes Molly’s heart do all sorts of ill advised and complicated gymnastics in his chest.

He puts a shaking hand on Caleb’s knee. “Don’t say thing you don’t intent to follow through on, Mister Caleb.”

Brain seeming to have caught up with his mouth, Caleb pales, then flushes a deep scarlet. His hand stay cupped around Molly’s cheeks, though they do lessen they’re squeezing a bit. His gaze falls past Molly’s right shoulder. “I ahh- right. I was- well I got a little excited I suppose,,,”

“Happens to the best of us.” he gives Caleb leg a friendly jiggle “Your secret’s safe with me”

Caleb chuckles.

They don’t move. They’re still dreadfully, painfully close. Annoyingly, not close enough. He watches as Caleb’s gaze flickers back over to his face. Watches the way his sharp, ever curious blue eyes trace the curve of his palm where it’s pressed into Molly cheek, all the way down to the corner of his mouth. He leans in.

The center of gravity suddenly shifts and Mollymauk Tealeaf finds himself crashing against Caleb’s warm mouth. Its quick, but it’s everything.

Caleb presses his lips firmly to Mollymauk’s for a brief moment, pulling him in with the fingers still curved around his jaw. Molly gasps, fingers tightening around the fabric of Caleb’s pant leg. He lets his eyes flutter shut. And then the warmth is gone and Molly opens his eyes to see the wizard staring at him, wide eyed and flushed. Still his hands don’t move from Molly’s face.

“I should not have done that. I-”

Molly brings his other hand up to the back of Caleb’s neck and pulls him forward. Their lips meet again and Molly can taste the crackle of arcane power that lingers on them. It shoots a thrill down his spine. The hand on Caleb’s knee tangles into the coarse fur lining of his coat and Molly sigh, deep and wanting against the other man’s mouth.

To his glorious surprise, Caleb responds in kind. His hands begin to move, one sliding down his face to rest at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, those long, scholarly fingers spanning across his throat, making Molly shiver. The other tangles into the short curls at the back of his neck, drawing Molly even closer.

Molly breaths through the kiss, eyes shut tight as he focuses on the feeling. Of dry and ragged ruined lips against his own. On the slight scratch of stubble against his chin and the rough pads of Caleb’s fingers on his skin. He feels exactly like he looks, coarse and rough around the edges. Nothing like the soft, sweet smelling hired company that Molly’s used to. He finds he likes this much better. The earthy smell that clings to weather battered skin, mixed in with faint hints of whatever spell components line Caleb’s pockets. Licorice and molasses.

Caleb sighs against him, tilting his head for a better angle.  Molly puts all other thoughts out of his head. Forgets about the bandits at his back, and his friends stomping through the underbrush. Even forgets about their stole bag of good. He put his facilities to better use, memorizing the shape and heat of Caleb’s lips against his own

Molly parts his lips and prods at Caleb’s lower lip with the twin prongs of his forked tongue, makes a soft sound of pleasure as Caleb’s fingers tighten in his hair. Caleb jumps under his hands, pulling away. He desperately wants to follow, but Molly let him go, keeping fingers folded against the lapels of his coat, half  to keep himself grounded, half to keep Caleb from bolting before he can find his voice again.

“Don’t you dare apologize for that.” He crooks out after a moment.

Caleb stares at him with blown out blue eyes. He swallows, runs a hand across his jaw. His fingers linger against his lips. “Ja- okay,,, That was ahhh-”

“That was good.” Molly assures him, stroking fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Caleb nods, looking a little unsure. “Gut, ja. You know, uhh maybe we should- should, you know- maybe we could do that again, sometime. But I think we should probably take care of those bandits first.”

A smile splits Molly’s face. “Think we can take them, just the two of us?

“No.” Caleb hands come back around to cup his cheeks, then slip down, coming  to rest against the front of Molly’s coat “We are pretty tough, but you said that there were at least five of them. I do not want us taking any unnecessary risks.” he starts fidgeting with Molly’s coat, adjusting it on his shoulder and smoothing out the silk with his hands. “Clever boy.” Molly says, fondness laced into his words.

Caleb doesn’t meet his gaze, but he does smile.

The sound of twigs snapping catch their attention and moments later Beau comes slinking out of the bushes, a new bruise swelling up over her eye. Caleb hands fall away. Molly keeps fingers pressed lightly against the side of his knee.

“That’s a good look on you.” he says, once Beau is close enough.

“Thanks asshole.” Beau wedges her way between the two of them, elbowing Molly in the stomach as she does.  

He whizzes out a pained laugh.

[bittersweetmelxdy]

Hey if its alright could I get some Victor angst where Victor is about to confess to mc but he overhears her on the phone with Gavin after he's been shot. Where she is begging him to stay awake and keep talking with her cus she loves him and cant stand to lose him. (Btw i love your writing 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💙❤💓💕🧡💜)

Well I’ll tell you, this was so hard to write, I didn’t want to break Victor’s heart, but you wanted angst, I hope you like it (I don’t know if that’s the right thing to say, I’m breaking Victor’s heart) Like always, any feedback is welcome (because this is my first time writing angst) :)

Title: Of Darcys, Bennetsand FitzwilliamsPairing: VictorxMC (onesided), GavinxMCWarnings: Pining and angstWords: 1372

As Jane Austen once said“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laidthe foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that Ihad begun.” Victor had read the book shortly after his mother had gone toFrance, as he remembered she would always say that it was her favourite book.And he begrudgingly understood the appeal of the book, the complexity of thestory, Austen’s commentary on the social climate of her day. But he neverunderstood the Colonel Fitzwilliam unrequited love situation, the man clearlyhad feelings for her, but did nothing about it, due to his social circumstances, and instead chose to suffer in silence,allowing his cousin to come and sweep the heroine off her feet. Victor alwayssaid to himself after reading that book at the age of 15 ‘I will never putmyself in that situation, I will never be a coward in love’. 13 years laterit turns out fate was ready to make him swallow his words like a bitter pill.

He didn’t expect it, when she came barrelling into his office, pushingpast Goldman and stopping him dead in his tracks. As soon as he locked eyeswith her, he should have known he was already too far gone, so he did theresponsible thing, buried his feelings under levels of sarcasm and dry wit. Fromthe very first time he agreed to her proposal, that she “would change hismind”, he had not only fallen headfirst into the rabbit hole, but he had walkedwillingly into it.

He had even turned up at a shoot she was doing with that superstar Kiro,just to see her. He had snorted at her attempted at making pudding, and whileshe was preoccupied with her work, he had secretly replaced the puddings shehad made with the ones he had made at Souvenir. Taking them with him to hisrestaurant, he had stared at it on his counter top for a solid ten minutes, chinresting on his hands, before finally picking up a spoon to take a bite,“Horrible” he had said, as he finished both pots of pudding he had swiped fromthe set. He thought back to earlier when he had walked her back and stoppedtime in order to spend more time with her, he knew that she had noticed, andwhen he glanced down to see her bright eyes fixed on him, a soft pink blush onher cheeks, he thought maybe this ‘crush’ wasn’t so bad.

Business Trips were always something out of the ordinary, but he neverwould have expected to be dragged from sleep at 4 in the morning, for aquarterly report. Despite how tired he was, he still stayed on the phone withher and listened to her melodic voice reel out data and statistics. Hanging upthe phone he stared out the window as dawn broke over the horizon ‘Maybe Iam a fool’ he mused. But as he lay back down for one last hour of sleepbefore he had to get up, he wondered when was the last time he felt so at peacefrom a phone call.

Weeks later, he as he carried her unconscious body from that abandonedset, he had never felt so protective over another person. She was that girl allthose years ago that he had saved from the car accident, and he couldn’t helpbut mentally berate himself ‘I thought she seemed familiar when he had savedher from the car the other month. Why didn’t I make that connection?’ He cradledher close to his chest and vowed aloud that he would never let her be hurt bythose people again. He was ready to take that leap and tell the woman in hisarms, that he had fallen for her, “despite his better judgement”.

It turns out after that incident, both of them were so busy that theynever ran into each other, he would catch glimpses of her as she came to dropfiles off with Goldman, but by the time he was able to abandon what he wasdoing to go after her, she was gone. Days and weeks went by until he wasfinally able to accompany her on set, with some half-baked excuse about‘supervising flight risks’. He watched her fondly, as she ran around the set,jumping from conversation to conversation, directing her team in order to getthe perfect shots in the fewest amount of takes. She paused for a minute to tieher hair up when her phone rang, she tapped a guy with white hair who to behonest in his opinion dressed like a delinquent and pointed at her phone. Theguy nodded and she walked off to answer the phone call, with a suspiciouslysweet smile on her lips and a bounce in her steps.

After 20 minutes, the crew started to get a little antsy at the absenceof their head producer, so the white haired guy she was talking to before sheleft offered to go look for her, and to everyone’s surprise Victor also foundhimself volunteering to search for her as well. Victor walked down a few corridor’sand he then heard the sound that sounded like a choked sob, fearing the worsthe ran towards the corner that would lead him to her. But what he heard nextstopped him completely in his tracks.

“Gavin, what do mean, “don’t worry”! You’ve been shot, oh course I’mgoing to worry!” She said sniffing.

Victor pressed himself up against the wall, hidden from her view, andalthough he would say that eavesdropping is a terrible practice, he had toknow. He had to know. ‘Gavin? Wasn’t that one of the guests she hadpreviously on Miracle Finder? What’s their relationship?’ She went quietfor a minute, sniffling and making noises of agreement to the person on theother side.

“I know, I know, but Gavin stay with me please, no…no…no, stay with me ‘tilthe ambulance gets there... What? They’re here, good, listen to the paramedics, and go with them to the hospital. Please, I love you, I can’t lose you. I can’t, listenI’ll be at the hospital when you get there. Why? Gavin! I love you; I’m notleaving you, not now not ever.”

Victor’s blood ran cold, his heart was thumping in his ears, and he waslosing his grip on reality. He only vaguely heard the following conversation, ashis head felt like he was swimming underwater, his lungs unable to draw inenough oxygen, also added to the lightheaded feeling he had.

“Hey Boss Lady, everyone at the shoot- Hey what’s wrong?”

“Minor, Gavin’s been shot, I’m heading to the hospital now, can youhandle the shoot without me?”

“Of course! Call me when you get there!”

“Will do!”

It had been a long time since Victor had had a breakdown, his backgroundalways taught him to hide his emotions but he couldn’t stop it bubbling up. He frozetime and sank to the floor, broken sobs almost choking him. He covered his eyeswith his arm, and knocked his head back against the wall, the physical painfrom that injury not even coming close to the emotional pain he was goingthrough. He loved her, he had fallen so hopelessly in love with her, it wascrazy. She was ditzy, clumsy, naïve, she had every trait he thought he hated,yet whenever she displayed it, he just thought she adorable. In the midst ofhis emotional torment he remembered that book he had read all those years agoand he finally understood what he had never understood before. She wasElizabeth Bennet, headstrong, fierce and someone who just couldn’t take youreyes off, but he wasn’t Mr Darcy, she’d already found him, and he’d swept her cleanoff her feet. He was Colonel Fitzwilliam, doomed to be in love with a woman hewas unable to have, and having to suffer through watching her love someone elsein the way he would die for her to love him.

[sariasprincy-writes]

The Man in Black - ItaSaku

For @vesperlionheart Happy birthday!

Also thought I’d try my hand at fantasy/myth…stuff…and then weather came into the anchorage and yes, I know I’m late (what else is new???)

The Man in Black ItaSaku

Sakura saw him the first day at her new job. The hospital was always full of people of different looks and sizes. She never took a second glance at the young man in a black shirt and black jeans. Especially not when there was a code blue on her floor.

The next she had seen him had been a few days later. He had been dressed in a black suit. His sleek, dark hair tied back and falling down his shoulder. He said nothing. Only sat with one leg over the other and his hands clasped neatly in his lap. Like some businessman waiting for a meeting. Sakura paused when she recognized him but she had been unable to stop and speak with him as another code was called.

Months passed. And every so often Sakura would see that same man. He dressed differently each time, but always looking his best. A suit, a nice pair of pressed jeans, a silk dress shirt.

Sakura began looking for him everywhere. In the cafeteria, the doctors lounge, the parking lot. Only her mysterious visitor was never there. He always remained outside the patient rooms. Sitting quietly. As if he had nowhere else to be.

“We’ve checked our sutures, the patient’s stats are stable and there’s no sign of any distress,” Sakura told the class of to-be-surgeons. “We are free to close the patient up. Any questions?”

She looked up then, eyeing first the few young doctors in the operating room before gazing up at the audience in the observation deck. Most were interns, dressed in scrubs with notebooks and pens in hand. There were a few fellow surgeons as well, but it was none of them that gave Sakura notice.

For in the back was a man with dark hair and darker eyes dressed in all black.

Through the glass, their eyes met. And in that moment, the blood in Sakura’s veins froze. Her mouth moved before her mind did.

“Stop!” she told the surgical nurses, halting them in their tracks. “We missed something.”

They stared her with obvious surprise in their eyes but said nothing as they handed her tools back to her. No one spoke as Sakura returned to the patient, her hands exploring their open chest. There was nothing, nothing wrong. No bad sutures or missed clots. Everything was fine…

The same instant Sakura found the bleed, the screen monitoring the patient’s vitals sounded.

It took nearly an hour and a hell of a fight. The small bleed ruptured and the young woman on the table crashed twice. Each time, Sakura brought her back, calling for tools and more blood, fighting until her patient was finally stable once more.

When Sakura finally walked out of the OR, she was exhausted, weary but relieved. Nearly high off the adrenaline of such an intense surgery.

A long sigh passed her lips as she slipped onto the bench just outside the surgery floor’s changing rooms. She smiled her thanks as a few fellow surgeons congratulated her on her success, but she didn’t chat long. All she wanted was a warm shower and a bed. It had been a long day.

And that had been Sakura’s plan. Until she looked up just in time to see the last of the interns file out of the observation deck, leaving the room empty. All except one.

Exactly where she had seen him earlier was the same man. With little regard for anything else, Sakura did her best not to outright sprint across the floor, her eyes never leaving him lest he disappear like he always did.

He didn’t move. Only turned his head to watch as she nearly slammed the door shut behind her, locking them in together.

It was the first time they had been this close. The first time they had been alone. There was something a little off about him…something she couldn’t quite name. She studied him quietly, carefully. Like the scientist she was, taking everything in before acting, deciding.

He was a very handsome man. With high cheekbones and a straight nose. His eyelashes were long, nearly sweeping his cheeks with every blink. They framed those eyes the color of coal. The ones that had long ago been burned into her memory.

It unnerved her a little she couldn’t quite guess his age. He appeared young, the pressed shirt and dark jeans making him appear boyish. But his eyes, his soul felt old. Like he had witnessed the beginning of time, like he had been there before it.

“What are you?” Sakura asked, the question tumbling out of her mouth.

She half-expected him not to answer. Half-expected him to laugh, as if he was anything but human. Instead he inclined his head fractionally, as if he was seriously considering her question.

“That would depend upon your beliefs and perceptions,” he said, his voice rich and yet spilling out of his mouth smoothly like gentle water over stone. It filled Sakura’s chest, soothing the misgivings and unease building behind her breast bone.

“I believe in science,” she told him.

“Then I do not exist in your world.”

“But you do,” she said. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

The stranger canted his head minutely, studying her as something shifted behind his gaze. Vague interest, perhaps. Sakura wasn’t sure if the look brought her comfort or took it from her.

“Who are you?” she asked, breaking the silence before it could settle too deeply in her bones.

He shrugged one shoulder gracefully, as if he had been asked that vary question many times over. “I have been given many names. Some are kinder than others, though I do prefer Itachi.”

“And what is your purpose here, Itachi?”

This time, a small smile settled over his features as he regarded her. “You ask many questions. May I first ask one of my own? You have not yet given your name, Doctor.”

She hesitated, not quite sure if she should tell him or not. But she supposed it wouldn’t be terribly hard for him to learn it if he truly wanted to know for malicious purposes. The internet was an incredibly resourceful tool.

“Sakura, Doctor Haruno Sakura.”

“Sakura,” he repeated slowly, as if memorizing the word. Then he blinked and that calm, easy expression was back upon his face. “As a scientist, you must have come to some of your own hypotheses of who or what I am.”

And she had. Initially, she had thought him a family member. Or perhaps that he worked in the hospital. Only the more she saw him, the more she came to realize he was only ever present right before a death. He never spoke. He hardly ever moved. Just sat outside the patient rooms. The ones coding or about to code, and disappeared as soon as time of death was called.

Sakura laughed quietly, as if trying to emphasize her own ridiculousness at the next words out of her mouth. “I would say you’re Death, but no such thing exists like that in the world.”

Itachi didn’t share her amusement. Only stared back. His fathomless, black eyes boring into hers.

Sakura’s smile fell slowly, a heavy feeling of unease settling down and down into her chest. Dug a hole so deep she thought she might not draw another breath. “You’re Death,” she stated.

He didn’t respond, but his gaze fell downcast. She didn’t understand the look until she recalled his words. Sudden guilt struck her, melting her fear like ice dunked in boiling water.

“Itachi,” she corrected softly.

He looked up again. This time, she couldn’t quite read his expression. It seemed to shimmer across his face like a photo that changed shape at different angles. It was oddly comforting. But also left her uneasy.

Why was he here?

Automatically her eyes dropped down to the operating room where a worker was quietly wiping up the blood from the floor. When she turned back to Itachi, he was still watching her. Waiting for her to speak.

“That woman was supposed to die, wasn’t she?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“And I stopped her,” she said quietly, trying to keep the rising dismay out of her voice. “So, what happens next? Are you going to take a life for a life?”

A small smile appeared in the corner of Itachi’s mouth. Not sinister or menacing. More an amused, little quirk of his lips. “Death is not so malicious. I am not here for revenge,” he told her. “Rather, death fluctuates. A man crossing the street increases his chance of dying but it does not mean death will take him for certain. There is no invisible clock above your head. I am simply here to escort those that may cross over.”

Sakura felt her breath draw a little easier at that but the heavy stone that had settled in her chest still hadn’t quite faded. Staring back down into the operating room, it didn’t take her long to recognize the feeling she had tried since med school to push aside. Sorrow.

“Then that means my patients…”

“Age, race, wealthy or poor. Death does not discriminate. As a surgeon, even you must accept that you cannot save everyone.”

It was a fact every doctor knew, but it didn’t make the pill any less bitter to swallow. When she glanced back at Itachi, he was still watching her, an understanding smile upon his face. It eased her own self-directed frustration and grief.

Then she blinked and the look was gone. Itachi straightened. “I must go. I am needed elsewhere.”

Sakura didn’t know what she was expecting. Perhaps for him to stand and walk out of the room or to at least melt into the shadows. He did neither. He was simply there and then he was not.

Blinking, Sakura took a step back before she peered about the room. There was no evidence he had ever been there. No sign or breeze or whisper. She half-wondered if she made the whole conversation up. Her own exhausted mind playing tricks on her.

xx

As it turned out, her mind was not playing tricks on her. Sakura continued to see Itachi. She didn’t entirely understand why. It began to unnerve her a little. So much so that she took to internet searches and even a couple of glimpses in the local library to find any information. To her disappointment, there was nothing. No forums or websites full of stories of people seeing Death.  

Itachi had seemed pleasant enough, but even as the weeks turned to months, Sakura couldn’t help but feel a little apprehensive every time she saw him. For he was still the man that escorted the dying to the dead.

On this particular day, it had been a busy shift for Sakura. So much so that for the first time in months she had forgotten about the man in black that always sat just outside the rooms of her dying patients. Her first two surgeries that morning had been a success. The next one had caused her a little trouble and by the time she had gotten out of it, her pager hadn’t stopped going off.

Sakura hadn’t even eaten lunch by the time dinner rolled around, but she didn’t notice her hunger. Not over her adrenaline as she pumped on a woman’s chest, doing everything in her power to keep the new mother’s blood circulating. In the background, her newborn cried, the sound almost drowned out by all the commotion in the room.

“What’re her stats at?” Sakura asked, stepping back to let another doctor continue compressions.

“Not good,” was the answer.

A deep frown settled on her mouth as she wiped the sweat off her forehead with the back of her wrist. She peered up at the monitor. Her pressure still wasn’t registering and they had yet to get a solid rhythm.

“Let’s push one more of Eppy,” Sakura ordered only too aware they were quickly running out of options. The dose of artificial adrenaline was their only chance left.

The room bustled with activity as the nurses and doctors jumped into motion. So much chaos in such a small space that she nearly missed the man dressed in black in the corner. Nearly.

No one else in the room seemed to notice him. All the attention on the unstable mother and the wellbeing of her newborn. A flash of cold went through Sakura the moment their eyes met. But it wasn’t fear for herself. Rather, for her patient.

In an instant, Sakura was moving again. She pushed the younger doctor’s hands out of the way to take over chest compressions once more. Whatever exhaustion she felt vanished as she worked with renewed vigor.

“Come on,” she chanted to herself and to the young mother below her. “Come on, come on. You can’t give up now.”

Sakura wasn’t sure how long she fought for. It felt like seconds had stretched into an eternity. And just when she thought there was nothing more she could do, she heard it. That familiar beep of a regular heart rhythm.

Sakura’s hands stopped, her eyes glued to the monitor, half-wondering she had imagined it, half-expecting it to stop when she saw she hadn’t. When it didn’t, she glanced at Itachi only to find he wasn’t looking at her. His eyes turned down as he tucked something into the pocket of his black suit.

Her confusion grew. She didn’t know what had happened. If he had intervened or if it had just not been the new mother’s time to go. However, Sakura wasn’t given the chance to wonder for too long. There was still a patient to attend to.

When Sakura finally left the room, it was late. The evening hours slunk into the halls as the night stole the lingering light on the horizon. For some reason she wasn’t entirely surprised to find Itachi standing at the window, watching the dark encompass the day. The dying sunlight threw his profile into harsh contrast and cast a long, creeping shadow behind him so dark she nearly couldn’t tell where it ended and he started.

Itachi didn’t greet her upon her approach and neither did she to him. Side-by-side, one living, one dead, they gazed through the window pane.

A long silence passed before Sakura spoke, “That woman was going to die. And then she didn’t.”

When Itachi didn’t answer, she glanced at him. There was no recognizable expression on his face but she got the impression that if he let her see, there would have been a frown upon his lips. When he did finally turn towards her, the feeling was gone.

“No, she did not,” he told her.

This time, it was Sakura’s turn to frown. And she let it show, not appreciating the vagueness of his reply. “She was down for a while. Medically speaking, she shouldn’t be alive. Nonetheless awake and talking. You did something. I know you did.”

“There is no reason to be so accusatory,” Itachi said. His expression remained unchanged as his gaze returned out the window once more. “Medical miracles have been known to take place before this instance.”

“I’m not so certain I believe in those anymore,” she told him, unable to keep the lingering suspicion out of her voice.

Beside her, Itachi shrugged, his hands deep in the pockets of his jacket. “Beliefs can change. After all, you did not believe in my existence until recently.”

“I’m still not sure that I do,” she told him, her tone giving away her skepticism. “It’s far more likely that I’m just going crazy.”

Itachi peered at her again, a faint smirk upon his lips. “You would know better than I. You are the doctor, after all.”

Sakura wasn’t quite sure she appreciated his teasing. Lest not when she was as exhausted as she was on this particular day but she let it go. “Why are you still here?”

Again, he shrugged. “I am always here. Even when you do not see me.”

Her brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Because I go where I am most needed. And I am needed here,” he told her, his attention falling back to the outside world.

Sakura followed his gaze, watching the last traces of light vanish under the all-encompassing black hands of the night. A dozen stars were already sprinkling above, quiet little sparkles of hope in an otherwise empty sky.

They stayed that way for some minutes. Neither speaking. Just silent company as they both harbored their own thoughts. And just when Sakura considered walking away. To find food or a bed or both, Itachi spoke. His voice calm and collected as it always was. But also haunting.

“I’m sorry, Sakura,” he murmured sincerely.

She looked back at him, not understanding. “For what?”

“For everything that happens next.”

There was a strange look on his face. One she couldn’t place, but that stone tumbled down her chest and settled deep, deep in her stomach. She turned towards him as cold washed over her. “What did you do?” she demanded.

He said nothing. Only stared right back.

The stone sunk deeper. And in the next moment, she turned on her heels the same instant Itachi was gone. Already sprinting back towards the young mother’s room as a code blue was called.

xx

Sakura wasn’t sure how much time passed after that incident. She did everything in her power to ignore the man that haunted her. Her reality. Her dreams. But the more she blocked him out, the more she seemed to think about him. He was always there.

Their last conversation rolled over and over in her mind. Like a horrible song that wouldn’t get out of her head. She was angry. Indescribably so. She lost count of her sleepless nights and the number of meals that tasted of ash on her tongue as that frustration continued to burn inside her. So much so that some of her closest friends began to ask if she was alright. Still, she made a point to ignore the man in black. Refused to acknowledge his presence with even so much as a glance in his direction.

She didn’t understand why Itachi had done what he did. Why he would bother saving the woman just to let her die less than an hour later. He was a monster. He was Death. And she should have known better than to think of him as anything other than such.

But Sakura was a curious person by nature. And as the weeks turned to months, she had more questions than hate, and the burning rage slipped away to something quiet, softer. Death was death. And in the end, there was no saving anyone from it.

Tonight was a quiet night. Uncommon but welcomed in Sakura’s line of work. She took the brief moment of downtime to sit in one of the plastic chairs provided by the hospital. A moment to relieve the ache on the bottoms of her feet.

She was not surprised in the slightest when she felt another join her some minutes later. Itachi didn’t immediately speak. Just let the normal hum of the hospital fill the silent between them.

“Are you going in there?” he asked eventually.

Sakura stared ahead to the patient room across the way. Inside was an elderly woman. The monitor showed her stats as stable but Sakura was becoming very familiar with what Itachi’s presence meant. It was the very reason she had sat outside this particular room.

“No,” she said quietly. It was early morning. Only one or two nurses on the floor, but she didn’t dare break the easy silence that had settled over the halls. “Her family has requested no extraordinary measures be taken. They’re ready to let her go.”

Sakura felt Itachi’s gaze linger on her, but he didn’t speak. They simply sat side-by-side as they tracked the heart monitor. Waited for that moment when the woman would no longer be in Sakura’s care as she turned to Itachi’s.

After a few moments, Sakura glanced at the man beside her. He was dressed nicely but comfortably in a dark grey sweater, his hair tied neatly with his bangs framing those dark, dark eyes. However, it wasn’t his style of dress that interested her. She stared at him, really studying him as she took in his youthful features. He appeared her age, but his poise and manner of speech gave her the impression he was old. Much, much older than her.

“That woman was going to die. And then she didn’t,” Sakura said quietly, repeating the very same words she had said to him those weeks ago. Because even though she was still mad about the incident, she wanted answers. “You stopped her from dying.”

Itachi didn’t look at her but she could just as easily see the frown upon his face. “I cannot stop death. I can only slow its demise,” he corrected, his voice just as soft as hers.

“She died less than an hour after her heart restarted,” Sakura stated. Trying to get the facts out in the air. Trying to understand what they all meant. “Why would you do that if only for such a short time?”

He didn’t answer but his expression was full of purpose. As if he was waiting for her to draw her own conclusion.

She still didn’t understand. She had run it over and over again. What reasons he could possibly have. Of all the times Sakura had seen Itachi, he had never once interfered as he had for that woman. So, what had made him do it for the new mother?

Oh.

“You wanted to give her time with her baby,” Sakura concluded.

Again, Itachi remained silent but he looked away. Either unable or unwilling to show his thoughts to her. She didn’t have to ask to know she was right. Tears nearly sprung to Sakura’s eyes as unexpected emotion welled in her chest.

Spending so much time around death and sorrow, she had thought Itachi to be cruel and unjust. Now, sitting beside him with his soothing company and gentle eyes, she realized she’d had the wrong idea all this time. Death was not a monster but rather a blessing. A kind spirit who helped those who had died find their way to their final resting place.

Guilt washed over her but she didn’t voice her apology. Itachi was already looking at her with forgiveness in his eyes. As if he had already forgiven her long ago.

They sat in comfortable silence after that. Waiting, watching as the time passed by.

Eventually Sakura spoke again, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Just one?”

She couldn’t help but smile sheepishly. “Perhaps more than one.”

Itachi side-glanced at her but there was a small quirk in the corner of his mouth. He nodded his permission.

“You’re not the only one of your kind, are you?” Sakura asked. “I mean, I don’t fully understand the afterlife, or whatever, or your purpose, but it isn’t possible for you to lead everyone who has died to the other side all on your own. Right?”

When Itachi didn’t immediately answer, Sakura peered at him only to find he was watching her with a small smile. Like he was enjoying watching her work through her theory aloud. The expression nearly made her look away in embarrassment.

“No,” he said before she could. “There are many of us. Reaper is the name most of us have taken but we are referred to differently elsewhere in the world. I am not sure where the title originated. That is just what we were called long before I became one.”

“Became one?” Sakura repeated, her brow furrowing. “You weren’t…I don’t know, born one?”

Itachi laughed but shook his head. “None of us are born one. You become one. You are chosen after you die.”

“Then you were a person once,” she said, unable to keep the surprise out of her voice.

“I was.”

Sakura peered into the patient room again. Stared at each track of the woman’s heart rhythm as she considered her next words. “Can I ask…?” she hesitated after a moment.

“How I died?” When she nodded, he leaned back in his chair, unbothered by the hard plastic beneath him. “It was many years ago. So long I cannot even remember how much time has passed since. I died protecting my brother. He was young and reckless. Acting without considering the consequences for his actions.

“Where I grew up, we had a lake just outside of town. The children used to play near it, swimming in the summer and sledding in the winter. It was a beautiful place and I have many fond memories there,” Itachi told her, a faint smile playing on his lips.

“So, what happened?” she pressed softly.

Like a cloud over the sun, his expression shifted, taking the light out of his eyes and darkening his features. “Winter came late that year. And the ice had not fully set in,” he told her quietly. “Sasuke went sledding that morning at the top of the hill. He landed on the lake and cracked the ice. I was able to push him out of the way before it broke completely.”

Sakura just stared at Itachi, observing all the faint emotions passing behind his eyes. She didn’t know if he had drowned or frozen to death, and she didn’t ask. Because even if his death had occurred life times ago, there was no mistaking the wistfulness in his gaze. She wondered who else he may have left behind. His mother and father. Best friends. Perhaps even a lover.

“I’m sorry,” Sakura murmured. Truly and honestly.

Itachi blinked the memories away before he turned to gaze at her. He smiled faintly, if only to lessen her sympathy. “It is nothing to be sorry for. I am relieved I was able to save him and he lived many years before passing on. I am happy now to help those who cross over.”

Still, Sakura couldn’t shake the hollowness that had settled deep in her gut. She didn’t speak for some minutes, even when a nurse walked by. The young woman nodded in greeting, her eyes never drifting to the man in the next chair over.

Sakura waited until the other woman was out of ear range before asking the one question she did and didn’t want to know: “Why is it that I can see you?”

Beside her, Itachi exhaled slowly. “That I cannot say. There is a fine line between life and death. One many walk every day.”

A frown settled upon her features at his answer. Sakura wanted to ask him more but she wasn’t given the opportunity as an alarm abruptly sounded in the patient room across the way. Both she and Itachi looked up at the same time.

Sakura knew that was her cue to go, but she didn’t immediately move to stand as she chanced a look over at Itachi. Only he was no longer there. The plastic, blue chair empty.

Without even having to check, Sakura knew the elderly woman was already gone. And for the first time, it wasn’t sadness that lingered deep in her chest. But rather warmth. Knowing that Itachi was there to help the woman cross over to whatever adventure awaited them next.

xx

The days began to blend together. The summer heat fading into the cooler autumn before the frost of winter began settling in during the early morning hours. Life continued as it normally did. Sakura went to work, performed whatever operations she was needed in before saying hello to Itachi as she checked on her ongoing cases.

Their conversations never lasted long, but she was becoming familiar with his manner of speech and his quiet, subtle humor. She found he was actually quite funny, his humor dry but sharp and quick-witted. It made her long shifts bearable and even rather enjoyable. Something she thought she would never think, knowing somewhere in the hospital someone was drawing their last breath.

But in her line of work, it was the little things that helped her push through during the worst of her worst days. Days like today.

Sakura exhaled through her mouth slowly, trying to keep her emotions on the inside of her body. She glanced down at the labs in her hands again, confirming for a fourth time what the results were telling her.

“Are you okay?”

Sakura recognized Tsunade, her former mentor and colleague’s voice. “I’m fine. My patient is not,” she told her, passing the chart over.

Without a word, Tsunade accepted it. Only the sound of paper flipping back and forth to fill the silence. Eventually the older woman passed the labs back. “This is your heart kid?”

“Yeah,” Sakura murmured.

Four years old and born with a heart that didn’t want to work properly. Sakura had been on the boy’s case the minute he was born. She had performed every operation, supervised every procedure and ordered every test she could think of to keep this boy alive. She had pushed his body to the limit. And now it was no longer responding to any treatment or drugs she ordered.

Swallowing back the knot at the base of her throat, Sakura looked over the nurses’ station towards the patient in question. The little boy – far too little to ever be in a bed in this building – was fading in and out of consciousness. One of the Cardiac nurses was in the corner of the room, helping keep him and his exhausted father comfortable.

“He won’t survive the morning,” Tsunade said gently. Understanding and sympathy warming her usually cool, professional tone.

Sakura nodded, unable to look at her. Knowing if she did, those emotions she was trampling down so hard would claw their way to the surface. “I know.”

Tsunade said nothing else. Just rested a comforting hand on her shoulder before she left.

Sakura sat for a minute longer before she made her way towards the hospital room. The hall was quiet, empty. But when she reached the sliding glass door, her gaze caught a lone figure sitting in a chair behind her. She hesitated, her eyes briefly meeting Itachi’s in the glass’s reflection. The lump behind her breast bone grew bigger, heavier.

He said nothing. And neither did she. Merely slid the door open and entered.

About thirty minutes before sunrise, Sakura called time of death, leaving the father in the nurse’s care when she could no longer be of any further comfort to him. In the early hours before the hospital halls came to life, Sakura went in search on an on-call room. A place to catch up on the sleep she had lost that night.

What she found instead was an empty staircase. She lowered herself onto a middle stair and exhaled a breath from her soul. Emotion welled in her chest. It crept up slowly, like a weed rising from the ground. Growing, spreading, blooming until even her heart struggled to beat correctly. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she buried her face in her hands. A soft sob spilling from her lips as grief made itself at home in her chest.

“Sakura.”

She had felt Itachi kneel in front of her before he spoke, his comforting presence becoming familiar. But she didn’t acknowledge him. She didn’t know if looking him in the eye would make her feel better or worse. And she certainly couldn’t handle worse at that moment.

He called her name again, his voice settling over her and mixing in with the hurt. Two conflicting emotions tangling together and warring within her chest. She didn’t know how to speak, how to voice everything she wanted to say and couldn’t. In the end, she simply shook her head. Wishing he would just leave.

Hoping he would stay.

And he did. He didn’t speak. Simply straightened a hair that had fallen out of place before his fingers wrapped around her wrists. With a gentle tug, he pulled her hands away from her face, leaving her utterly and completely exposed to his viewing. She didn’t know what she was expecting. Certainly not the warm smile on his lips or the softness in his gaze.

“You are a kind soul,” Itachi told her. “You fought so hard. You did everything right.”

His words brought more tears to her eyes. She tried to look away but Itachi wouldn’t let her. She shook her head, letting slip a few more. “But it still wasn’t enough.”

“Do not take the blame for this,” Itachi murmured, his voice gentle with understanding. “It was his choice. He was ready.”

“He was four,” Sakura countered sharply.

Itachi didn’t take any offense to her harsh tone. He merely exhaled through his nose before he smiled again, one hand reaching up to wipe the dampness off her face. “He was an amazing boy. And full of so much more life and energy than his body could handle. But he was tired and he was ready to let go. He will miss his father, but I promise you this will not be the last they see of one other.”

Sakura wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. Itachi had always been vague with what laid beyond but she trusted him enough with this. The hurt in her chest throbbed again. No longer an ache that stole her breath away, but to something duller. Something manageable.

Sakura didn’t speak but she let her head rest in his palm. He eased her pain so flawlessly it nearly escaped her that it was the first time they had touched. For some reason, she had believed that he wasn’t allowed to. Or perhaps he simply couldn’t. Two souls side by side, yet an entire world apart. It surprised her to find that his hands were just like any other man’s. Soft and warm, yet strong and capable.

Sakura wasn’t sure how long she sat there, with her face in his hands, taking comfort in his touch. She didn’t remember moving from that spot. Didn’t recall climbing those last few stairs to reach the on-call room where she woke some hours later. She nearly wondering if she had dreamt of Itachi in that stairwell.

But she could just as well feel his soothing aura, curled and wrapped around her like a blanket as if he were there with her. That same emotion swelled in her chest again. Unhindered and free to take hold without her grief overshadowing it. She recognized the feeling but didn’t dare linger on the implications.

Because Sakura was a doctor. And Itachi was Death. And they could not both survive in the same world.

xx

That realization didn’t stop Sakura from continuing to think about him. Her dreams remained filled with thoughts of Itachi. But where unease and distrust lingered, warmth and happiness filled the void. She took to spending nights at the hospital.

Sitting in the quiet places where she could speak with Itachi privately without the eyes of the other staff. He always came. Sometimes their visits were cut short, but he always found her wherever she may be in.

Sakura sat alone at a table in the cafeteria. This late at night the kitchen was closed, the oven cold and the food stored away. Only the coffee machine in the corner still worked, but it was cheap and made the drinks a little too watery. She was certain no one would wander this way.

Outside, snow drifted down. Little flecks of white filling in the darkness, casting the world into a hush as if all were in awe of its beautiful. Sakura made herself comfortable, sipping from one of the two steaming mugs of hot chocolate as she watched it fall.

“It’s a beautiful night,” Sakura murmured.

She sipped from her mug before she turned her head towards Itachi. He looked so terribly handsome in his black sweater with the snow falling behind him, his dark hair tied neatly with his bangs framing his eyes just so. Her body warmed with heat that had nothing to do with her drink.

“It is,” he said, his eyes meeting hers unwaveringly. Then they fell to the mug laid out for him. “What is this?”

“It’s hot chocolate,” she said before she frowned as a sudden thought occurred to her. “Although, I wasn’t sure how exactly that worked with your…status and all.”

“My status?” Itachi repeated, his tone pitching slightly with amusement. “I can confidently say I have never heard it referred to as such.”

She flushed but smiled again when Itachi raised the deep blue mug to his lips and drank, his eyes never leaving hers.

“I feel no hunger nor thirst,” he told her quietly as he studied to contents of the cup. “But I recall I did used to have a sweet tooth. It drove my mother mad when I filled up on sticky bread before dinner. This is delicious. Thank you.”

Sakura drank from her own mug again, if only to distract from the way his words warmed her down to her very core. When she peeked back up, she found Itachi was still watching her, that easy smile on his mouth.

“And what about you?” he asked. “You have never told me.”

“If I have a sweet tooth? I’m pretty sure my body is fifty percent sugar at this point. The rest is caffeine,” she teased.

However, Itachi shook his head. “No, about your mother. You have never spoken of her.”

The smile faded from her lips as her gaze fell to her mug. “I don’t remember much of her. She left home when I was six. My father raised me, but our relationship was never that strong. I see him during the holidays but we don’t keep that close in contact.”

She looked up when Itachi reached across the table to lay his hand over hers. His touch still made her skin tingle, sending little sparks of pleasure shooting up her arm. “I am sorry about your mother,” he said.

Sakura shrugged it off. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

“Even time cannot heal all wounds.”

She wondered if he was thinking about his own mother. Or perhaps even his father or brother, but she didn’t ask. Instead, she turned her hand over, tangling her fingers together with his. Sakura wasn’t entirely sure who moved first. All she knew was in one moment Itachi was sitting beside her and in the next he was kissing her. His hands cupping the curve of her jaw as his mouth moved softly against hers.

It was short but sweet, leaving Sakura a little dazed when he pulled back. She blinked against her swimming head, their eyes meeting as their breath mingled.

“This is never going to work,” she whispered.

Itachi’s eyes never wavered from hers. “I know.”

She didn’t know what any of this meant. She opened her mouth, already her overactive mind beginning to move, but Itachi didn’t let her get too far. He kissed her again, pulling her closer than before. His kiss reaching down into her soul and trying to pull it into his own body.

He filled her with a warmth she had never known before. It left her breathless, frazzled. She wanted him more than anyone she could ever remember and she took everything she could, her fingers digging into his sweatshirt. Feeling his solid warmth beneath her palms. Wondering how she could have ever thought him to be Death. Cold and indifferent.

They passed the next hour wrapped around each other, whispering words for their ears only, between stolen kisses and lingering touched. Even after their hot chocolate had gone cold and the ground had turned completely white. Ignoring the complications and impossibilities of what they were doing.

It was Sakura’s pager that broke the serenity that had settled over the cafeteria. She pulled out of Itachi’s grasp just far enough to grab the device before she read the message with a quiet sigh. “I have to go, but I’ll see you soon.”

Sakura pressed a brief kiss to Itachi’s mouth again before she stood and was gone.

And in such a hurry she was, she missed the deep sorrow that settled across his face. “Yes, you will.”

xx

Sakura woke early that morning, long before her alarm roused her, excitement filling her with more energy than even the strongest coffee. The sun was still below the horizon by the time she arrived at the hospital. But she wasn’t the only one there and ready.

Interns and residents swarmed her before she reached the Attendings’ Lounge. She smiled at their enthusiasm and answered questions as she weaved around the young doctors in-training. It was after all an exciting day.

“Are you ready?” Itachi asked, appearing the moment her scrub shirt was over her head.

She smiled, expecting his arrival. He greeted her every morning since that night in the cafeteria less than a week ago, and always with that smile. The one that made her stomach flop and her heart beat just a little harder. Only this morning, she was already bouncing with energy.

“I’m always ready,” she told him.

“Then how are you feeling?”

Sakura pulled a hair tie out of her bag before she piled her hair into a secure bun. “Nervous, but excited,” she told him honestly. Because even if there was a reason to lie to him, she was comfortable enough to tell him the truth. “But I’ve been doing my research and double checking all the labs. I can pull off this heart transplant surgery.”

The small smile in the corner of Itachi’s mouth stretched wider. He said nothing as he stepped towards her, looking so terribly handsome in his jeans and black button up shirt. He stopped in front of her, his eyes dropping down to smooth out the collar of her shirt before his hands ran up her arms and her shoulders.

“I believe you will,” he told her, his voice reflecting back her own confidence.

Goosebumps rose across her flesh where he touched her. But it was those words that made her body hum. Because Itachi was Death and he had an understanding about the world she did not.

Sakura’s smile stretched wider. “I have to get ready for the surgery, but I’ll see you afterwards, yeah?”

Itachi nodded his answer. There was an unusual look in his eyes that she didn’t recognize, but she didn’t have time to ask. There were people she needed to talk to and labs she had to check once more. She would have to ask him about it at a later date.

The rest of the day was madness for Sakura. Enough so that she had already forgotten about Itachi and his weird vibe by noon. Both the observation deck and the OR was full. Both trainees looking for experience and doctors with curious minds filled the room, taking note of Sakura’s technique and knowledge. The surgery itself took a little over four hours, her steady hands ensuring every suture and every stitch was perfect.

With bated breath, she stood still over her open patient. Watching, waiting for that still heart to begin beating on its own. The rest of the OR waited with her. Not a breath taken. Not a movement made.

Then it happened. A pulse. And then another and another.

“We have a steady rhythm,” the surgical nurse at the monitor said.

Applause erupted throughout the room and the observation deck. Sakura exhaled the breath she had been holding with a quiet laugh. Behind her mask, her mouth stretched into a wide smile as she accepted her thanks from the other surgeons around her. Some with a few decades more experience than herself.

It was the lightest she had felt in days, the stress from the surgery weighing her down. A constant pull on her mind. It made her want to celebrate. To go find her friends and share every detail she had just experienced.

It made her want to talk to Itachi.

Automatically, Sakura lifted her eyes to the viewing gallery. The entire room was filled with excited faces. Every last person dressed in white, doctors’ coats. All except two. Both in black. The one on the left she didn’t recognize. From his long, dark hair and broad shoulders.

The other was Itachi, dressed in his finest suit. But it wasn’t his dress or even his presence that caught her notice. It was his face. The sadness expression she had ever seen tearing her soul wide open. He met her gaze for a brief moment before he bowed his head.

And that was the last thing Sakura saw before excruciating pain erupted deep in her head and the world went dark.

When she opened her eyes again, she wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It was bright, too bright. Blinking hard, she waited for her eyes to adjust before she gazed around. To her surprise, she found she was in the same place. In the middle of the OR. Only she was alone. All the doctors and interns were gone. Even her patient had vanished. And in his place, Sakura had taken up occupancy on the surgical bed.

Confused, she looked down at herself only to find the blood stains on her scrubs from surgery were gone, leaving them clean and utterly spotless. With a quick examine, she found no wounds or stitches on her own body. She seemed perfectly fine.

“Sakura.”

Snapping her head towards Itachi’s voice, she found him standing on the other side of her bed. He looked no different than he normally did, his suit pressed and fitting his form so perfectly. But he felt different. A little more real, a little more like their souls were no longer worlds apart.

Sakura didn’t reach for him, her confusion twisting into something more akin to fear. She moved slowly, her eyes never leaving him, as she slid to her feet. The bed the only barrier between them.

A million questions rolled around in her head but her tongue remained still. Because she could still read that expression on his face. Feel his sorrow and grief from here.

“I’m so sorry,” Itachi murmured. Regretfully. Truthfully.

Something began to build in her chest. It took her a moment to realize it was panic. She took a step away from him. “What happened?”

“You had an aneurysm rupture in your brain,” he told her.

“An aneurysm,” she repeated. Both not understanding and understanding.

Because the dots were not hard to connect. His sorrow, her pain. This place and his presence.

A shaky breath escaped her as she took another step back. Itachi looked as if he wanted to reach for her, but he refrained much to her relief. Her chest tightened again as reality began to settle in.

“No,” she shook her head, trying to deny what he was telling her. “I didn’t die.”

“You were rushed into surgery after you collapsed but the doctors were unable to repair the damage to your vessels. You died from massive intercranial hemorrhaging,” he told her. His voice gentle but steady and his gaze unwavering.

She shook her head again. “My patient…”

“He survived.”

“But I didn’t.”

When Itachi shook his head, that mournful look in his eye, Sakura took another step back, tears springing to her eyes. She tried to release a shaky breath. What came out instead was a choked sob. Because she knew he wasn’t trying to be insensitive. He was simply acquainted with her well enough to know that she would want all the facts. Even if it ripped her heart out.

“You said death fluctuates,” she murmured through her tears as realization began to dawn on her. “I could see you because I had aneurysm. I was always on the verge of death. One strain, one stress away from it bursting.”

Itachi nodded woefully. “Yes.”

“You knew this was going to happen.”

Regret passed behind his eyes but he nodded again. “Yes.”

Sakura wanted to feel betrayed. Wanted to hurl angry insults and biting words so that perhaps he would feel just as hollow and empty as she currently did. But there was no use. There was no changing what had happened. There was nothing anyone could say or do. A situation she had seen many lovers and parents and family go through in her job.

She had never felt so helpless.

Feeling her knees begin to shake, Sakura lowered herself into one of the clean, metal chairs kept in the OR. They were hard and cold, only this time it wasn’t. It supported her weight comfortably. She dropped her head into her hands, trying to hide how much she was truly shaking.

Some minutes passed with just the faint echo of her own breathing as she tried to accept what had just come to pass. How she was supposed to possibly move on.

“I am so truly sorry, Sakura,” Itachi murmured.

She looked up when she felt him straighten a strand of her hair. He had knelt before her, looking so incredibly guilty and so incredibly remorseful. Against her desire, her heart went out to him.

“Things were not supposed to happen this way,” he continued softly. He was unable to meet her gaze but he couldn’t seem to pull away from her either. “We were not supposed to know each other as we do and I…and I was never supposed to fall in love with you.”

In all her life, Sakura swore she had ever been this full of emotion. Her heart was breaking and sealing back together all at once. She was torn. She wanted to push Itachi away. She wanted to pull him close, remembering all those nights they had shared. Talking into the dark, sharing hot chocolate and their deepest thoughts.

It would be a lie for her not to say she hadn’t considered this outcome. She knew things could not remain the way they had been. He was Death. And she had life. One had to give. And death only took.

Reaching out, Sakura ran her fingers through Itachi’s hair so featherlight, she barely felt its softness on her fingertips. He looked up as she pushed his bangs away from his face before she traced the ridge of his cheekbone.

“So, what happens now?” she asked.

“That remains to be seen,” another said.

Sakura followed the voice to find a man standing off to the side of the room. It was the same man she had seen in the observation deck. This close, she could make out more of his features, finding that his hair wasn’t black as she had first thought, but rather a dark brown. Just like Itachi, he gave off a certain wisdom. Only older, much older than the man kneeling before her.

Itachi didn’t move from his spot as the other man approached, his face still resting in her hand.

“You’re a Reaper,” Sakura said, not entirely sure if she was asking or stating.

He nodded. “I am Hashirama, the Elder Reaper. And I am here now to tell you that you have completed your job. You are released. You may continue to onto the afterlife.”

Her brow furrowed, not entirely sure what he was saying. Only to realize it was not her he was speaking to. But rather Itachi.

She looked down at him where he still had his face pressed into her hand. If he had heard Hashirama speak, he showed no indication. Sakura opened her mouth and tried to pull her hand away, but his own hand tightened around hers and kept it from moving away.

“If Sakura so chooses, I wish to spend it with her.”

Sakura’s confusion grew. She glanced at Hashirama before turning back to Itachi, both looking so out of place in this too-clean OR with Hashirama’s crisp sweater and Itachi’s fitted suit. She had so many questions and so few answers. Perhaps this was her afterlife. She had never given much thought to what her own would be like. Having spent so many hours in the hospital, she hadn’t had much time to give it much imagination. Maybe that was why she found herself here.

But if she could change it, there was no telling where she would like to end up. It’s not like there were any friends or family waiting for her. She was the first to go.

Emotion built in her chest again but before it could erupt, she realized Itachi was waiting for an answer. His black eyes peering up at her, so full of hope. Again, she thought of those late nights, just him in the dark as they talked about everything and nothing.

Or maybe there was a telling of where she would.

Smiling through her drying tears, Sakura pressed her palm against Itachi’s cheek again. “If I have a choice, I choose more late nights and dark on-call rooms. With hot chocolate on snowy nights.”

“I can give you that,” he murmured before his mouth met hers. Kissing her so sweetly it was as if it was their first again.

This time when she opened her eyes, they were no longer in the OR. But rather standing side by side on a hill overlooking a small village with a lake below. A boy some years younger than them was running towards them, his hair and eyes the same colors as Itachi.

He smiled wide, waving one hand over his head. “Itachi! Itachi! You’re finally home.”

There was a faint look of astonishment on Itachi’s face when Sakura glanced at him. Then he smiled. Warmth and happiness filling his expression and making him no longer appear years beyond his age.

“Sasuke,” Itachi breathed.

Then he looked at her, all the love and devotion clear in his eyes as he grabbed her hand and led her down the hill. “Come, my brother is waiting for us.”

the end

[kvltprince]

I was tagged by the lovely @leporidaefluff (Thank you! it was the push i needed to get started on this instead of just going oh~ neat~!)

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same. Sorry if anyone has already been tagged, no obligation. @ heathie on whatever acct cos im a dumbass an i miss your bois(you miss em too), @randomwordsandstormydays, @randomfuzzbunny, @jornaquinn @chrysocolladawn ( @somewhere-withoutyou if you would...) and anyone else who would enjoy doing this. (if i get tagged again ill do anther oc. i would tag a few others but i feel weird tagging ppl i dont like ever talk to lol.)

What is your name?

"Lucy Grandchester, yeah that one.” 

How old are you?

“Fourty-five unless you are getting nitpicky about cryostasis. That doesn’t count unless I am joking with a ghoul, honestly.”

What do you look like?

He lets out a small half chuckle, "Oh, we are doing this okay. I’ll bite. Slightly short middle aged punk, long greying curly hair, undercut, with one leg and too many tattoos?”

Where are you from? Where do you live now?

Lucy uncomfortably takes down his hair and redoes his messy bun while sighing and becoming a bit short. “I’m from just the other side of that irradiated water near that gas station south of here. Name kinda gives it away. You have seen it? I honestly am not sure how it’s standing still between the bombs and everything else. It’s looked after now, and is a surprise asset to still have. I lived in Boston for a while after all that, and back in this area once Nuka World was opened, then back in the Boston area, and would you look at that I am back in Nuka World and it is a lot more comfortable now.”

What was your childhood like?

"...Unstable, for everyone. It got a bit better once my parents were dead... are we done with this line of questions? Or am I excusing you?”

What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

“Well, I started out trying to play nicely vaguely with anyone that didn’t try to shoot me first. That.... hasn’t stayed how it is. At least not fully, though i generally play nice until I am given a reason not to. I am friendly with the Disciples, the Operators, several of the Children of Atom groups that haven't irradiated their sense out of their heads yet, the Railroad.”

Tell me about your best friend.

He finally visibly relaxes the rest of the way after that history business, and takes a drink of a quantum. “Oh only one best friend? Are we in high school again? aw Alright. We have some parallel histories.” He swirls the glowing drink, but doesn't let himself get lost in his head too far. “Great humor, puts up with my shit somehow, doesn't blow my sneaking. Laugh that could take on the world even though they probably wouldn't. No I am not spoiling who I decided on. A man has to have some secrets somewhere and mine are in short supply”

Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

“My son Shaun never ceases to surprise me with what he can come up with, and how well adjusted he is. Codsworth is still helping out with the household, and helping keep Shaun from disassembling live turrets while I am away, though now he is living here at Fizztop with us. Surprisingly it seems to be an alright setup, and Shaun has taught a few people some upgrades in their downtime. There is enough room to keep things comfortable, and I have done some park remodeling since I arrived. My closest companions that don’t hate my choices I have made I consider family, but that has become a smaller circle than before.”

What about a partner or partners?

“Gage of course, he is my husband for whatever it is worth in the wasteland. Otherwise I suppose that depends how you are defining that. I am an affectionate person and some people seem to have rather strict definitions of where the edge of friend and partner should be”

Who are your enemies, and why?

“Several people aren’t speaking to me very well at best after I have settled into the Overboss seat here, on a personal level. The Pack were wiped out. The Brotherhood were wiped out. The Institute were wiped out. The minutemen are pretty pissed understandably. The Gunners still show up in vertibirds sometimes and are still pretty fun target practice. My settlements are generally comfortable, and my outposts mostly only have problems with gunners or trappers. Minor annoyances.”

Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

“Yeah, of course. I think they got too headstrong for their flightsuits. I mean I understand but you really can’t do that shit and expect no repercussions. It was quite a firework show honestly, I wonder how far away the heat was felt..”

What about The Enclave?

"I don’t know much about them, only one of their ex-soldiers, he didn’t exactly tell me much. Cute, a bit odd. Not sure if it is the radiation that did that or not.”

How do you feel about Super Mutants?

He has a flash of a pensive thought drift across his face “There’s a few that aren’t so bad. Obviously the FEV isn’t mass-curable though, so not exactly much of a choice what to do about them unless you like getting a rocket launcher or a nuke in your face.”

What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

“Proobably~ around Bunker Hill, It was just, A Lot. That whole time was not just the specific fight. I don’t remember a lot of it, I’m pretty sure Gage half dragged me home after the main running around and meetings after the fight. I don’t think I had a full thought for a while.”

Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

He thumb points to a sniper rifle leaning against the wall “Yeah, too often, thankfully usually I see them first, and I’ve gotten the sneaking thing down. They make pretty good steaks.”

Do you like fighting?

“Sometimes, honestly. Something tired and overstated about old habits or something boring. Really though, it is exciting and keeps the boredom away. Playfighting and sparring will do, no need to draw blood. I guess. Good to keep knife and sneaking skills sharp however you can.”

What’s your weapon of choice?

“A modded real sharp Throatslicer she called it, I swear Nisha found this thing in the loading dock or something it is the nicest box-cutter I have ever owned. Opens up anything.”

How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

“Outlive everything around me usually by not being seen, notice it first, shoot it faster, stab it more, talk my way out of it, or by luck. I have zero real idea, but I can eat nearly anything and I bet that helps too.”

Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

"Of course, there are a bunch, and I was ushered into 111 to turn my life upside down. They seem to only be any good for salvage, horror stories, clean water sometimes, and if you are real lucky a trade post and a shave. I have a settlement vault that is doing well that I have taken over and built up, but that is not Vault-Tec related, obviously.”

How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

“I have a few recipes that are good for radiation, though it doesn't affect me very badly overall and I am slow to feel any sickness. I suspect that one day I will turn into a ghoul.” He is rather matter of fact and unbothered by this, and hints that he knows that not getting sick much from radiation means just that.

What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

“Probably the stags and gazelles and other herd animals. They are overall unchanged other than most have two heads now, they are still nice to watch”

What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?

“Honestly? radscorpions? Those fuckers are too quick and you cant shoot them cos they tunnel and they knock you on your ass and poison you and just UGH”

How do you feel about robots?

"Robots are alright if they are not causing trouble. Some of them are nice. Jezebel is not so nice, but she is guarding red rocket and bitching the entire time so shes no longer my problem. The Rust Devil’s robots are a pain in my ass for real.”

How many caps do you have on you right now?

"Plenty.”

Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

He cocks his head slightly “I havent heard that one in a while. Depends on the flavor of Nuka Cola, I do like Sunset Sarsaparilla though, if you have any.”

Do you do chems?

"Not recreationally anymore. No, not because of him.” He nods toward Gage “It just, gets out of hand”

Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

"Not as often as you would expect, I mean obviously there is the ‘oh i remember when that wasn't destroyed’ of things, but things are more comfortable than I thought they could be”

What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

His eyes narrow slightly “I don’t really do regret. Things were done the way they were because it was the choice at the time. A choice now for an old situation isn’t helpful to living my current life or my old life. I am not living then, I am living now.” 

What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

“Surviving all of this, and myself. Creating this strange semi-stability in this post apocalyptic place.”

What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

“Keep me and mine safe, happy as we can be, and I hope that my found-family never fully stops growing. Curious what the future holds for my raiders and friends, there is so much potential, it could be risky but it is there. For once it is a good solid place to be, and it’s mine.” Lucy polishes off his questionable as hell drink with a smile.

[chimcharstar]

1-100 TELL ME ALL

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?

Jesse

2. How old are you?

22

3. When is your birthday?

dec 9

4. What is your zodiac sign?

sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color?

purples

6. What’s your lucky number?

9

7. Do you have any pets?

no

8. Where are you from?

bc canada. my great grandparents are from russia

9. How tall are you?

5 something

10. What shoe size are you?

7?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

3 that i actually use

12. What was your last dream about?

i dont remember my most recent one but i had a banger of a dream i described in another post

13. What talents do you have?

i think expressing myself, or music, i have some talent that needs discipline

14. Are you psychic in any way?

well i am a spiritual person, in a way. and growing up in a toxic drama filled family, i have Developed the Skill of guessing how people are feeling and what they are gonna do. and i analyze dreams. so not psychic but i am really interested and intuitive whats goin on in there

15. Favorite song?

for some reason https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oilVq8-F4_Q colours by roosevelt ive been obsessed with lately i just loop that shit. loop loop loop. blaringit into my ears and speedwalking down thestreet. the beat.!!!! i feel like I  took all the colours

16. Favorite movie?

spiderverse. i really enjoyed always be my maybe.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who doesnt make me feel like im Too Much

18. Do you want children?

not RIGHT NOW

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i have no idea actually. id want a special wedding definitely.

20. Are you religious?

yes, i honestly feel like i just come like this, i dont go by any books and i dont want to be associated with christians. if i be too religious i start getting the Bad Feelings

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yes visiting sick relatives. and one in a psyche ward.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

i got a parking ticket

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

no. maybe i did and i had no idea who they were because id never heard of them

24. Baths or showers?

showers.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

alien socks that are green and black

26. Have you ever been famous?

no. what does that even mean !!!!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

yes because money but noooooo. its hard when one person definitely doesnt like me. if im famous some people just wont like me and theres going to be more of them

28. What type of music do you like?

stuff with electric guitars in it. funk. bops. i cant get enough lately

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

no

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one. and sometimes NONE. i dont fucking know why its just more comfortable. id lie down on a floor and pass out

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

i usually cant fall asleep unless im on my face with my arms tucked under me for warmpth and general log shape. after that though its chaos. dreamin

32. How big is your house?

BIG!!!!!! so many rooms. so many people. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

on a Functional day, cereal. not because its my favourite thing but it doesnt require a lot of attention and its easiest to tolerate. my appetite is just. like this

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

HELL no.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

in my child days i shot my hair elastics around and pretended i was fighting aliens. this is definitely archery.

36. Favorite clean word?

i dont really think about words like that. pizza is a nice word.

37. Favorite swear word?

bitch. its really fun to say.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

not all that long. if i was up the entire night i am usually sleeping in midday no matter where i am. ive disappointed many teachers. its called not caring.

39. Do you have any scars?

yes, but theres no dramatic stories to them, just me not leaving scratches and bites alone as a kid. they look kind of cool though. and theyre so mysterious. youd think id have scars from self harm but no.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

i believe so...

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i am 100% like morally committed to lying.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

NO. my thought process is: its rude to assume someone is going to behave badly, and they will be offended and have hurt feelings if you anticipate that. i have to like. treat everyone with exactly the same respect unless theyre a dick. otherwise its being judgmental. and it ends up as naïveté. but im okay with that . the price of being a good person

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i could do a british one once i guess LOL and it looks like now ive Absorbed a mexican accent but i never really try to talk in other accents

44. Do you have a strong accent?

i dont know how to answer this

45. What is your favorite accent?

idk i like new things i havent heard before. and thinking about how other languages work. theres a lot of different accents at my work and i honestly enjoy listening to them

46. What is your personality type?

that.... INFJ. see. psychic

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

one of the gay jackets

48. Can you curl your tongue?

dont think so

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

left

51. Are you scared of spiders?

depends. i had these big house spiders in my dungeon at my parents house, and id just be “hi” and set them free. but if i see one where im not expecting it i might yell a lot and tell everyone and run around and then set it free

52. Favorite food?

tacos from my old work. i was indeed. screaming, lost in the sauce. i waited until i was away from the restaurant because i knew all my dignity would vanish

53. Favorite foreign food?

idk... i need to eat more curry. i need more curryin my life. bring it on.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

clean

55. Most used phrased?

“this slaps” i feel like ive been saying that a lot

56. Most used word?

I

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

a whole entire fucking hour (when i wake up) otherwise 5min

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i do, but i hide it. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

chomp chomp. i am not a patient man.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

yes, when i know no ones around, or when im not worried about seeming like a crazy person at work

61. Do you sing to yourself?

nah

62. Are you a good singer?

no. i can sing and it sound okay.  nice even. but good??? like beautiful?????? no.

63. Biggest Fear?

someone dying, natural disaster, new illness

64. Are you a gossip?

maybe. i feel like i have the Tendencies and then im like “am i being a bad person right now”. i want to know the deets though.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

i Simply Dont Have the Attention for Those

66. Do you like long or short hair?

BOTH . long hair is more fun to draw. short hair is hot

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

fuck no. why would i. fuck off. i dont care about your states.

68. Favorite school subject?

ART ART AR T

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introerverte

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

no

71. What makes you nervous?

people who are not Definitely Cheerful

72. Are you scared of the dark?

no. unless i think about things to scare myself on purpose

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

no unless they need to know. because im not a fucking ANIMAL

74. Are you ticklish?

depends. i can be not ticklish if im determined.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i dont think so... i started a rumor i was from mars

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

maybe i was supposed to train some girls and then i probably didnt do a great job and they didnt listen. they say my job now is somewhat authority and im like...... ok...... 

77. Have you ever drank underage?

no

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no

79. Who was your first real crush?

someone whos OUTTA MY LIFE

80. How many piercings do you have?

two? i got them pierecd at claires lmao and i didnt get an infection because im  so salty. then i took them out because they were from claries

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

hell yes

82. How fast can you type?

so fucking fast. faster than my work finder helper. im fast im very fast

83. How fast can you run?

IM VERY FAST

84. What color is your hair?

orange

85. What color is your eyes?

green

86. What are you allergic to?

im still trying to figure that out. whatever it is gives me hives

87. Do you keep a journal?

yes. so i can get better at handwriting and just talking in general and hear what my voice sounds like. and to have a space away from other peoples needs and pressures

88. What do your parents do?

my mom is a stay at home mom and my dad shoots pop bottles into the sky

89. Do you like your age?

sure

90. What makes you angry?

everything. cabbage. i swore about cabbage for a long time the other day. i am just full of anger. 

91. Do you like your own name?

YES. i mean i chose it i better. honestly my first name ......... i feel self conscious about it sometimes. i think it was the only name for me though. it wasnt the ideal most wonderful namei could find because those didnt fit, it was MY name.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

im going to have two sons and im naming them brick and rusty.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

yeah, i want a boy a girl

94. What are you strengths?

my strengths doing all 100 questions, this is serious muscles

95. What are your weaknesses?

the exhaustion of jumping from one question to the next especially when they are vague. im not complaining this was my idea

96. How did you get your name?

i pfound it in the baby name book and i was lie  “hey yyy, i saw that name in black beauty, lets use it for my gay coded villain what the hell!”

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

no but i did have some ancestors who lives i a mansions andhad fucking SERVANTS. before you call me problematic my other part of family was like sewing things and not going to school 

98. Do you have any scars?

weve been over this. when im older im going to get a cool scar fighting a dragon

99. Color of your bedspread?

pink, white, blue

100. Color of your room?

white

[sa-lt-ys]

The Strongest

Prompt/AU: "Would you be cool with writing a Markus one-shot where the reader is Carl’s niece, and whenever she visits him Markus gets really happy and he doesn’t understand why? Maybe he asks Carl and he’s like “well I’ll be DaMnEd, you’re in love!” And tells Markus to confess to her next time she visits and when he does it’s all fluffy and cute??"

Universe: Detroit: Become Human Pairing: Markus (RK200) X Fem! Reader Warnings: mild swearing, mentions of violence Word Count: 1712 words

Sometimes, vague bouts of insomnia are a pain in the arse, but in times like this, they're great because suddenly my productivity goes through the roof.

Also, should I go multi-fandom? There's only so many stories you can tell in one world after all, and its a question that's been going around my head for a long time.

Anyway, I digress, thank you to the beautiful anon who asked for this!!

~~~

You parents had always said that you had your uncle's blood in your veins, and you never really understood why until you met him for the first time you could recall.

Standing in his studio, eyes wide with wonder as you looked around at all the paintings, you were sure that everything changed for you the moment your uncle handed you a pencil and a sketch pad -- bought specially for you -- and then told you to draw whatever was in your heart.

From that day, your art progressed from unicorns and stars to dragons and heroes and from there to tortured youths and shadows with hearts. Eventually, your pencils began to reveal lighter topics, though they never lost that dark undertone from your early teens and hectic school years.

"Welcome back, (Y/N)", and there you stood, an almost fully functioning adult with a bag slung on your shoulder filled with pencils and pads, and a huge smile on your face as you saw your favourite android (Roombas didn't count).

"Hey Markus, he isn't being too much hassle, is he?" The RK200 happily returned your smile as you strode along, side-by-side in the direction of Carl's studio.

"Well, he's ignoring his doctor's advice again with his medication, but I cant see that ever changing." You chuckled as you walked along.

"Maybe he'll listen as the same day he puts hi brush down." It was Markus' turn to laugh then as you both entered the studio and -- as always -- spotted Carl high above you, already working on his new piece. Though, to you, it just looked like blobs of blue... but, Carl kept insisting you would see the true picture once it was finished.

"That's the thing with us humans," he had said with a gentle smile. "Sometimes our full stories are never told until we are already gone."

"Hey Carl! I got those paintbrushes you wanted!" You shot your uncle a smile, which was happily returned as the older man lowered himself down to receive your hug.

"Did you? But I thought they were too expensive for you to afford," his confusion only made your smile brighter as you pulled the brushes out of your bag.

"Yeah, well, I know a couple people, and they helped me to get a discount, so it ended up still being pretty expensive, but affordable enough that I can survive." Your uncle tutted, taking the brushes with a smile and turning to see an... extremely happy Markus setting up your little artsy area.

"Markus, do me a favour and get some money for (Y/N)?"

"Carl, no," you also turned to the android. "Markus, don't, they weren't that expensive, okay? Honestly, I've got enough to get by." You groaned as Markus walked past you, and out of the studio.

"Carl! Come on! You know I always feel bad with this stuff! You don't need to give me all this money! And, also, why is it that Markus never listens to me with this kind of thing!" Carl chuckled, watching as you pouted like you used to as a kid.

"For one, I know when I give you money, you'll use it right, and you're not... misguided like Leo is. As for Markus, I can only guess why." You sighed, but let the matter go.

"Whatever, its not like I can convince you otherwise. I've tried too many times, and its never worked." After letting out another sigh, you wrapped Carl in another hug. "Thanks anyway, old man."

~~~

Several hours -- actually, many hours -- later once you had left, Markus sat with Carl and watched him sketch little nothings like he always did after dinner. It was a relaxing pastime for both of them, and a time they usually took for talking as well.

"Carl... can I ask you a question?"

"Hm?" Markus hesitated, fiddling with his hands as he tried to find a way to explain, his LED whirring yellow.

"When... With (Y/N), I... I don't know how to explain it, but..." Carl looked up from his pad with a smile.

"You always feel happy with her near?" Markus didn't know why he was surprised, Carl always seemed to know what he was thinking.

"Yeah, why is that?" For a moment, Carl couldn't get any words out through his laughter and fond smile, but he managed eventually.

"Well, I’ll be damned, Markus, son, I think you might just be in love with her." He let out a deep, weary sigh befitting of an old man and let his gaze drift away. "She was always a strong girl, never afraid to draw something new, or to draw whatever was in her heart... I think you two will make a good couple." He turned his eyes back to Markus. "Just protect her, got it?" The android nodded with a smile of his own.

"But, how do I tell her?" Another fond smile.

"Just tell her next time she comes round. (Y/N)'s always been the type of girl who likes an honest person. You just tell her straight how you feel? I'm pretty sure she'll reciprocate."

"R-right... I'll try."

~~~

You were there again the next day.

"(Y/N), back so soon?" You walked in with a huff, barely able to spare a smile for your favourite android.

"Yeah... I got fed up with my parents again. They keep saying that I cant make a career out of art, I cant be like my uncle. Loads of bullshit, it just pissed me off, so I just grabbed my bag and walked out." You let out a deep sigh, scrubbing a hand over your face and pushing a few stray strands of hair out of your face. "Is Carl in his studio as always?" Markus nodded, but didn't move.

"Yeah, but... can I talk to you for a second?" Your heart skipped a beat but you hid it away. Emotions for an android? Even you weren't that stupid.

"Sure, what's up?" For a long moment, there was nothing but silence.

"I... You... I just..." Nothing came out except almost gibberish, and after a while, Markus gave up with a deep sigh. You simply stood there, completely oblivious to what Markus was trying to say.

Until, it was all ruined.

"He has a crush on you!" Your head snapped towards the doors leading towards the studio.

"Was that..?" Markus was also looking too, and walked forward until the doors opened to reveal--

"Carl!" With a angry cry, the older man whizzed off with incredible speed for a 70-something cripple in a wheelchair, leaving you and Markus alone again.

"For crying out loud, he's a nosy old-- wait," you spun around to face Markus. "You... you have a crush on me?" Your face turned red as the android nodded.

"Oh..." Markus didn't look at you as he began t speak.

"I understand if you don't feel the same way, i-if you want, we can pretend this never--"

"No." He was stopped by that simple word, and finally worked up the courage to look at you.

You were looking at him, a gentle smile on your face despite the blush, and your hand was held out towards him.

"I... I feel the same way, so don't worry Markus. I was just a little shocked is all." You let out what Markus thought to be the most adorable giggle. "Why don't we go and draw together? I heard Carl's been trying to get you to do some art recently?" With a smile and a nod, Markus gently took your hand and had a little laugh of his own.

"Yeah, I'd... I'd like that."

~~~~

EXTRA BONUS SCENE FOR YA THIRSTY HOES

~~~~

The humans were attacking.

Androids were dying.

You were covered in blue blood.

Head to toe.

Gunshots rang out everywhere, and your hearing was spattered with high pitched ringing as you dragged yourself to some kind of cover, hoping that if you played dead, the humans would leave you alone... Or maybe they wouldn't... after all, how would they feel about a human standing with the leader of the android rebellion?

"(Y/N)!" Who was calling your name? It sounded familiar, but the ringing kept getting in the way.

Still, you sat up slowly from where you had been sprawled on the ground, and with a hand to your worst ear, you peeked around what seemed to be an old bin, looking for whoever had called your name.

From directly across you, you could see Markus looking around frantically, North tugging at him to get back to cover.

You stood up shakily, and waved a hand at him. He saw, and within seconds, was by your side.

"Markus, the humans, they--" ducking and dodging more gunfire, Markus held on to your with a tight grip as you reached the last group of androids. You were backed into a corner. You were trapped.

Where was Connor? He was supposed to be back now... but, his partner was still alone, tears clear for all to see as they stood beside you, their hand slowly grabbing onto yours for security and comfort.

"Markus," you turned to look at your boyfriend. "I'm scared." His hand tightened around yours slightly, and he turned to give you a tight smile.

"I know," he said gently. "So am I."

Silence fell with the snowflakes as the soldiers approached you, guns aimed at your faces. With your heart hammering in your chest, you pushed back your tears, and decided that finally, you would do something for Markus, when he had done all for you.

So you stepped forward.

Your hand slipped out of Markus'.

"(Y/N), what are you--" You took in a deep breath.

"Hold on, just a little while longer~" Your voice carried in the still air, and you saw all the soldiers hesitate, giving others the courage to step forward and join you as you all sang for you freedom, your life, and your love.

And from behind you, Markus watched with a proud smile, Carl's words coming back to him.

"...She always was a strong girl."

Yes, Markus thought, moving to stand beside you as his voice joined with yours in a perfect harmony as did his hand with yours. She was always the strongest.

[uniformbravo]

time for... a story

back in 9th grade art class i had this painting assignment & i decided to do fanart for a fic i was obsessed w/ at the time and this painting was coming out so good i was literally so proud of it, i didn’t finish it in time for the due date but i took it home to finish it on my own bc i just loved it that much

my room was incredibly messy at the time, i would have these giant piles of papers & notebooks n shit all over my bed and the floor surrounding, and that’s where this painting went. which was completely fine with me because i’m an “organized mess” kind of person (i literally still remember years later exactly where the painting was in that particular mess) but my mom is distinctly the opposite so she made me clean the whole disaster eventually, and i somehow lost track of the painting

several months and multiple fruitless searches later i resigned myself to the fact that i’d probably accidentally thrown it out in my big cleanup and would never see it again (though i was still intensely confused about how i managed to lose it because i literally just had no memory of moving it, it just. straight up disappeared)

years have passed since then and every now and again i remember that painting and feel regretfully wistful (and still very confused) and wonder what happened to it and wish i could see it just one more time, because at this point i only really have a vague recollection of what was on it- a composition divided into quadrants illustrating different parts of the fic i was basing it on, a torn piece of lined paper in the center (because the fic’s title was “lined paper”), and in the top right corner this tree that i was super proud of, i remember thinking it was the best tree i’d drawn in my entire life

so honestly whenever i remember this painting i mostly think of that tree and my strong feelings towards it and that’s the main thing i’m curious about, wanting to see that damn tree again to find out what was so special about it, because like. i’m a better artist now, i’ve improved so much, if i saw it again it probably wouldn’t even be that good, right? but i think this tree in particular was the first one that i was like “hell yeah” about and influenced the way i’ve drawn trees ever since then, so like it’s a big deal right. i really miss this tree

the last time i thought about it (before right now, i mean) was actually earlier this week, on my way home from my painting class? usually painting in general reminds me of this painting because the last time i actually painted with, like, acrylics was in high school for this class, so i just have that strong association built in, so when i think of painting i think of the painting so i was thinking about that on my way home from class and feeling the regret that comes with it like man if only i could just see it again, what even happened to it, etc. etc.

anyway, my sister is working on a drawing right now, she says she suddenly got struck with inspiration and wants to hold onto it for as long as possible to finish this piece she’s working on (which is honestly very pretty, it’s a sunset scene and the colors are so soft and vibrant)

she started it the other day, and she wanted to work with colored pencils, but she couldn’t find the big box of colored pencils that we keep around for people to use, so instead she went and got out this, like... one of those big ol’ art boxes that have a myriad of random supplies like colored pencils & oil pastels & shit like that?? we’ve had this one literally forever and it’s just kind of been sitting around for most of that time, but it’s finally gotten some use because our colored pencil shoebox happens to be mia atm

this morning i noticed a notebook on the floor by the couch (my sister’s workspace) with some, like, papers sticking out? and on top of the notebook is some mail addressed to my sister, and i don’t recognize this sketchbook at all, so obviously it’s hers. from what i’ve seen in the past, her art style is is pretty... eccentric? is that the right word? lemme google this

ok that sounds meaner than i meant ghhdg uhh idk, the best way i can think of to explain it is that her people look like they’d work really well as illustrations for scary stories? there’s something almost creepy or unsettling about them, but in a good way, like i’m pretty sure she’s doing it on purpose

anyway, i bring it up because there’s this drawing sticking out of the notebook and it looks like her style because there’s this creepy-lookin dude that totally matches her types of drawings so im like “cool” and go back to what im doing

then, later, i happen to look at it again, and fuckin..... it’s the top of the page that’s sticking out. and there’s this..... tree. in the top right corner. and im like

Huh

so i pull out the drawing, which actually turns out to be a half-finished painting, and sure e-fuckin-nough it is The painting

needless to say i was losing my shit on this fine sunday morning like goddamn i haven’t seen this thing in like 7 years i thought it was gone forever and that i’d never see it again i mourned this painting so many times and here it is, literally holding it in my hands, back from the fucking dead like a zombie (which is thematically appropriate because “lined paper” was a horror story)

like, that’s why i thought it was my sister’s drawing? because it was creepy-lookin? i didn’t even recognize my own style smh. on the back there’s a little color key and i had forgotten about this but the reason it was divided into four sections was because the assignment was color harmonies! we were supposed to paint a single image but in each quadrant use different colors for different harmonies, like complementary, triadic, cool, and some other shit that im too lazy to look at but u get the picture

so after i got over being reunited with my fuckin long-lost painting i had to wonder why my sister had it, right. back in the day she used to steal our stuff, like all the time? she doesn’t do it anymore so we’re cool lol dw but like since this was so long ago i wondered if maybe she had taken it back then & just forgotten about it?

so i asked her abt it when she got home (i had to wait a few hours but honestly?? whats a few hours to several years) and she said the notebook was fuckin.... in the art box. just like. in there. this entire time it was in this goddamn shitty art supply box that nobody ever uses bc we have better art supplies around and the only reason it got pulled out of its cobweb-ridden corner of the house was because said superior art supplies were missing. so if my sister had been able to find the colored pencils i never would have found this fucking painting, we probably would have just eventually donated the box w/o checking inside & someone somewhere out there would’ve gotten this extra half-finished creepy fuckin painting w/ my name written in huge letters across the back in their new box of art supplies oh god

anyway i wasn’t gonna do this but i’d feel bad if i didn’t include a picture of the damn thing at this point so here it is

warnings for blood, gore, implied suicide imagery, & general spooky horror story type stuff

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i drew this 7 yrs ago dont judge ok

the fic itself has long since been deleted from ffn (rip) but from what i remember: it was a south park fic & focused on slenderman? i was completely new to horror & had never heard of slenderman before so the story rly spooked me lol he would like show up through any reflective surface so i was scared of mirrors for a while

i wish i could remember the significance of all the shit i included here lol i mean we got slendy in there a couple times, that much is obvious... i don’t even know what the tree is supposed to mean it’s just some random tree at this point

im p sure that’s stan & kyle in the bottom right, and that’s probably stan again in the top left? he’s like bleeding kenny’s initials tho idk why that’s happening (those are kenny’s initials right. kenneth james or smth). that’s gotta be tweek in the mirror at top middle just look at his shirt, and as for bottom left uhhh i think that’s craig?? i actually specifically remember that chapter, something about a baseball game & craig was pissed off and went off to the bathroom alone & then black tentacles happened, so that’s what’s happening in the drawing

anyway. aaanyway. that’s a fuckin mystery solved now, right. i cant believe it was in that dumbass case the whole time i stg??? thank u for listening 2 my story i spent too long on it & now it’s 2:45 am bye

[dorkshadows]

Hi again sorry it's the anon who keeps coming for advice sorry. I was wondering how do you keep liking a character even if theyre problematic bcs lowkey i was always aware sebastian (lmao not even gonna be vague anymore) was Problematic but now after seeing all those posts now i see him in a really negative light and cant enjoy content of him anymore? Like i see him in a good context and all i can think is the bad stuff and i feel terrible bcs liked his character and its diversity but now...

(It’s all good, anon! I’m just glad to be useful!) Tbh, 90% of my favs are glaringly problematic lol (I mean, I draw the line somewhere but I really can’t get away with calling a lot of them cinnamon rolls lol), but I probably wouldn’t have liked them if they were perfect so I learned to accept it as a part of their character- of course, I always love redemption arcs but that’s not always the case.

Now, let’s put aside the “fan” interpretations of Sebastian. Canonly, he is actively ruining a young boy’s chance of getting into heaven/living a healthy life- we can’t ignore that because it’s what the story is built on. That’s one of the things you just have to say “yes, this is a part of who Sebastian, an inhuman demon, is” (currently anyway). But you also have to remember there would literally be no story if there was no demon because Ciel would be fucking dead. So yes, it is bad TM for Sebastian to play this role but also Kuro is a circular tragedy- Ciel found “salvation” in the contract, but it’s a downhill climb from there (and even if he’s redeemed in the end, I can’t see it ending well for him or Sebastian). 

That’s really the greatest thing you can fault Sebastian for, and even then, it’s plot necessity. Everything else is just fanon, and if we let everyone’s opinions affect us, then I should start hating Lizzie because somebody accused her of being violent against Ciel that one time. 

And most importantly, ask yourself why you liked Sebastian in the first place. If it’s something as simple as “his face,” then keep on enjoying his face! He’s just lines on paper. If it’s because you think he’s an interesting character, then it goes to show how interesting he is because of all these conflicting interpretations, right? It’s 100% fine to like a character and acknowledge their flaws (as long as you’re comfortable agreeing these flaws actually exist). Because I guarantee you that if you decide to stop liking Sebastian and replace him with a “non-problematic” character, you’d be bored with this new character asap; we can’t control what traits draw us in and life is too short to lie to ourselves over a passtime (which is exactly what reading manga is).

Don’t feel terrible for something like this because it should make you happy, not the opposite! And hey, I love Lord Farquaad, and I feel great \o/

[dangankinthings]

I feel really guilty asking but.. i really dont know what to do.. feel free to delete this honestly but i.. need to reach out.. im not sure.. i really want to give up. on everything. i just feel like i cant handle anything else in life. i feel physically trapped and like im actually being weighted down by a force.. not to mention im just getting worse and worse mentally and health wise. i just need some advice or motivation on what i can do to keep moving. im so sorry -Komaeda (luckystruckboy)

@luckystruckboy

No need to feel sorry, or guilty for reaching out. I think it’s very brave of you and I fully admire the courage you’ve taken to reach out for help, a courage that I have so often lacked… I’m so sorry that this has taken so long to reply to, I’ve been really badly sick and I’m still a bit queasy but I’m here! And Komaeda, I might not know exactly how you feel since you’re the only person in your exact situation experiencing it the way you do, but I do know what it feels like to be weighed down, to be completely done, to barely be able to manage to imagine yourself with a tomorrow. 

It’s so easy to give up but you shouldn’t. I know that sounds vague and probably preachy, of course, as everybody says it, but there are so many people who care about you and I know for a fact that they wouldn’t ever be the same, even if you feel like you’re ‘worthless’ or ‘forgettable’ or anything of the sort. You inherently have worth just by being you and I know that there’s nobody that anybody would want you to be besides yourself.

There are your partners, and your friends (the mods on danganronpa-safe-place, no? And there’s somebody like me, who cares about everybody. Your life has no less worth than any others. Honestly, literally, if you can come up with a genuine and valid reason as to why you’re not as wonderful as everybody else, and why you’re undeserving of good things, I will snap my newly recovered drawing tablet in two, and I’m saying this with the utmost realness I can.

Sorry, I’m getting way sidetracked I’m really not the best when it comes to things like this but… Things are heavy and they weigh you down until you feel like you’re quite literally being crushed, both physically and mentally, but it’s impossible for things to stay this bad forever. That’s the bad feelings greatest strength, the illusion that it’ll be like this forever or the illusion of being entirely overwhelming. But it’s not. 

It is physically impossible for things to stay as bad as they are. Both physically and literally. I’m not just ‘being optimistic’, anybody who knows me in real life can testify that I am the most pessimistic and self-depreciation person who has ever come to be, and yet I can’t push aside a real truth. Things can’t stay bad forever. Do you know that?

You’ve been through a lot, I am sure, and you survived that, didn’t you? If you’re here, reading this, then you’ve definitely survived it. And that’s a miracle, that you’re still here, and it means a lot more to so many people, far more than you think.

I know that giving up seems like the easiest answer but just because it’s the easiest it doesn’t mean it’s right. I know that hearing platitudes like this are so easy to brush aside but just because they’re so commonly said doesn’t make them less true, honestly. I know that sometimes even when you know that things will get better you don’t feel like you can hold on until then, and sometimes you might even feel like you don’t deserve for things to get better, but by god I know you can.and that you do deserve it.

I can’t tell you that your health (mental AND physical) aren’t going to decline, and I certainly can’t tell you that life is going to be perfect, all of the time, because if I did say that I’d be a dirty liar and Mod Ibuki really doesn’t lie. But what I can honest to god say, is that you are able to get through this. You are. Even if you feel weak or no-good or anything of the sort, you can get through this. You’ve made it so far. Come on, Komaeda, I believe in you.

I mean this in the most serious way, I really do, if you feel like you can’t really hold on and you don’t know who you want to turn to, I’m always here @kaegay-akamatsu, and it would be a joy to be able to talk to somebody as strong and altogether wonderful as you, although the circumstances are unfortunate. I’d honest to god love to talk to you, although I’m often too anxious to reach out… Uhm this is already a million miles long, I’ll be quiet now… - Mod Ibuki!

[altermidgard]

Star Wars Custom Playmat 100+ Characters

Just make it look cool.

Right. Anything specific you wanted?

Not really...Just get as many characters on thee as you can.

Challenge Accepted.

Yes today on the blog, one slightly vague choice of words leads to the most characters ever on one of my mats. Not by a small margin either, especially if you include vehicles (Which I do, objects are objects in programming) I'll be going over the phases of the mats design from concept to colouring telling stories as I go. We've got a lot to get through, so lets jump right in to my latest Star Wars mat.

0 To 30

Thirty is a nice number, I've done mats with around that before, there should be enough space for everyone and more importantly it should be enough slots to cover all the main hero's and villains.

Step 1: Lets make a list.  

If your playing along at home it's at this point you realise there might be a few more than thirty people in the Star Wars universe. It's Ok we can deal with this, we just have to organise everyone into some sort of hierarchy, most popular to least well known. OK, wow,  yeah still quite a few people in category one.

This is where I was at. Making lists. I've been making mats a while now, you get an instinct for how many and how large the components of the design need to be. Thirty wasn’t an arbitrary number, it's what I considered the upper limit for readable characters to be.  In first panel bellow that's how many names I finally settled on. There were many brave souls that fell by the wayside though and to be honest I wasn’t happy about it.

31 To 60

Writing the names on a scrap piece of A4 set the trend for the majority of the sketching phase. Usually I would draw thumbnails, four to eight images on one piece of paper but in this instance I needed to go bigger sooner. The second panel shows the most readable of my early sketches. All the previously names characters are there plus I'm starting to think that if I can get them all in at this size with extra space to spare there might be room to add a few more. Circles for heads is all they get right now but it might work. It just goes to show though. Until you actually start on something properly you cant know how its going to turn out.

The next panel is a more comprehensive redraw, more thought gets given to the layout and how the eye will flow around the image. While the rest of the design process is one of refinement and addition it.s here where the design mostly comes together. That's actuality one of the nice things about doing these blog posts. Looking back and trying to explain your thoughts and processed to others gives you insights on your own work you might never have noticed, I recommend people try it  

Next up. Working on a light-box in pen gives me the opportunity to add even more detail. For some people this might not be the case but having that extra contrast and a finer point than most pencils really helps me out. The other nice thing about changing medium is that it alters the art style slightly. I'm making quicker more precise marks and it leads to a more dynamic atmosphere. The real trick will be trying to preserve that feel though the rest of the production

60 To 80

A different style again as I go digital. I'm using the airbrush tool and am less interested in line than I am the shape and weight of each object. It's also an early chance to test where the light should be coming fom. Where I've placed the vanishing point is causing a few hiccups. Triangular spaceships are especially hard to get right and a lot of their final placement has to do with that.

The silly thing is I could add more elements to the design. There's still plenty of room, think of the final total!. But no, at some point you have to take a step back and say 'this is a silly amount of work already and adding to it is going to do more harm to the design than good.

80 To,.. Who the heck knows.

I stopped counting at this point, didn't really want to know. We are almost there though. Most lines are either vertical, horizontal, or pointing at the vanishing point, I've got piles of spirals, and grievous's arms finally look right. Although Obi-Wan needs some work if they are going to duel. There are still questions to answer though. Things like what colour Lightsaber should Starkiller have and why is Luke's head not attached to his body. Enough sketching though, lets get started on the colouring,

Balancing the Force

I say colouring. What I mean is 'lets use a light grey to work out the lighting'. The grey will be easily overwritten so we have a bit of room to experiment and it keep me from doing the outlines first. Another option would be to use yellow, it just comes down to what tone you want your image to take on. There's a lot of ships and metallic in this piece so I went with the grey.

Notice how the left half of the image is always darker? Tha'ts intentional. By loading up on characters there's just going to be more dark there. Why have I done this? Because it offsets the big blob of dark on the right that is the Emperor and Darth. Basically I'm looking to balance the force. Its also why Luke and Leia are in white. That and so they are the main focus of the image I want the ye to start or end thee.

It's a Trap

I don’t want to be using that many colours on this piece. With all the different people and objects here the composition could easily start to break up if everything got its own pallet. This stage then is about making sure that doesn’t happen, all the blues are the same blue, all the browns likewise. I think I even managed to stick with this rule all the way though which is good because it can be so tempting to just think, hmm what if I just add a smidge of this colour here?

I should really have added the ships at this stage though. You can already see how areas of the image I'm less sure about are falling behind the others in terms of how far along they are. (keep an eye on Darth for example)

This is the Droid I was Looking for

I was tempted to stop here.

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I don’t normally do pastel shades but this was working, all I had to do was come up with a background and...

… Yeah, no, space is dark, I've designed myself into a comer so we will have to keep going.    

If you have been wondering about why characters are where they are, beyond the timeline aspect, there were three other considerations.

1. Are you a bad-guy? If yes your probably a big floaty head the rest of the cast can anchor around.

2. Are you a hero? If yes, you probably have most or all of a body, good job you.

3. Are you someone I like? I'm colouring I don’t know how many people and have free reign, naturally your going to find that my preferences bleed into the design.

Yes that is why chopper is font and center.

Space is Big, Like Really Big.

I found these glitter gel pens. No idea if they would wok on this material but if they did it would make colouring stars way easier. Not particularly economical, I used them up just on the background but the nice thing about them is that the glitter breaks up the colours and gives a sense of depth to areas that would otherwise be large and flat. Time will tell if the stars stay on the mat, But you have to experiment right, how else do you learn new things?  

I gave it an extra few layers of sealant just for go measure.

Back on topic. I might have gone a little hard on the quantity of red in Maul's face, it's started to spread. Luckily Thawn has darker hair so it's an easy fix but it's still a reminder not to get carried away.

Mostly Harmless

Hey Darth finally has arms, The pose took some time to get right to be honest. It had to fit the existing upper chest and head and align with the vanishing point since its so close. In the end I fond a one that had the Lightsaber out horizontal and after that it was just a case of getting the other arm right. I went back and forth on the city scene, easing the buildings then adding them back in. something needed to be there to contrast with the stuff in front but I just wasn’t feeling it. turns out they just hadn’t been dark enough and making them practically black with little window lights was the way forward.

Almost everything is in now, but as usual I still have the eyes on most of these people to add. I also need to do something with the Emperor. He's the biggest thing on the mat, he needs a little more respect/detail than I have given him so far.

The Final Frontier.

Add clouds to the planets atmosphere, make the stars and Lightsabers glow in the dark (glow under UV light actually) and just generally go around tiding up. I'm just about done here. OK applying the sealant and taking pictures comes last but close enough.

I guess I should actually count the number of things on the mat then. Just a sec...

110ish! Give or take. That's quite a big number, and not something I think I'm going to be beating anytime soon. Probably...

Next time, lets simplify things a bit huh.