#i keep thinking about how im at my lowest weight in 1615241616 years
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#cw// ed#didnt check my weight today but it doesnt change much so its probably about the same. anyway#i keep thinking about how im at my lowest weight in 1615241616 years#and how every time ive admitted ive been at a higher weight than this#and how things seem stable day to day but over the past few months have def slowly and steadily deteriorated as far as intake + variety#and how realistically i cannot keep doing this and expect nothing to happen#but at the same time lalalalalala i cant see it i cant hear it everything is fine!! i am fine!!#going to treatment again wont fucking fix me lmao#itll just give my ed temporary validation and make me gain weight that ill lose as soon as i leave#bc I don't actually want to change#theres no point in going back bc it hasnt done anything for me thats stuck#and im not dying so whatever#if it comes to it ill do a hospital stay or whatever but it wont bc im not that good at having an ed. so.#or maybe im fucking delusional who knows!!! rip
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