#i keep seeing all his challenges for GUILTY & I'm like what year is it??

[sandiegokpop]

Taemin out here lookin like the absolute fetus that he was during his debut.

[vivwritesfics]

Mrs Doctor Reid

Nobody knew Spencer had a wife. But they found out. Nobody knew she was pregnant, not until she walks into the BAU sporting a sizeable bump.

1.2K

Season 4 Reid

Nobody on the team knew that Spencer Reid had a wife. Spencer Reid, the youngest member of the team, the resident genuis. He had a wife. And nobody knew. (Well, JJ knew, but she wasn't about to spill his secrets).

Before he had joined the BAU, Spencer had been engaged. They'd gotten married after his first year with the team, but neither of them wore a ring on their finger. She wore it around her neck and he carried it with him, fingerings it in the privacy of his hotel room.

Spencer told JJ. He had to tell somebody, just in case something happened to him. JJ was more than happy to keep her a secret for him. And, once she met Will, she understood why he wanted to keep her secret, keep her to himself.

Morgan was the first to find out. The case was a pickup artist, an unsub that was patrolling clubs to pick up women and murder them.

Morgan and Reid had been in the clubs, handing out flyers to give to the potentially vulnerable women. When Spencer teased Morgan for getting a lack of phone numbers, he challenged him. So, Spencer used magic to impress the girl at the bar. "Well, if you see anything, call me," he'd said with his usual awkward smile.

The awkward smile his wife loved.

"And, if I don't see anything?" She asked, obviously flirting with him. "Can I still call you?"

Again, Spencer wore that smile. "Uh, my wife would prefer it if you only called if you saw anything."

When Spencer turned around, he saw the expression drop from Morgan's face. "Reid, you're married?" He asked, and Spencer nodded. "I'm so sorry, man. I didn't know."

"Nobody did," Spencer replied.

When the team found out, they felt incredibly guilty. They couldn't help but think back to Tobias Hankel and when Reid got kidnapped. She had no idea. His wife must have been sat in their apartment, alone and worried.

But JJ smoothed things out, assured them that Reid's wife was kept updated while Spencer was kidnapped. JJ told her what she needed to know and kept her calm.

But now they'd been married for four years. Spencer started wearing his ring after the team found out. He called her in front of the others while they were working on a case.

The team was so happy their resident genius was in love.

They knew about his wife, about the love of his life, but they didn't know about the baby.

Kids was always on the cards, but they had waited. Spencer's career was taking off when they got married and, with how often he was away, it didn't feel right.

But they weren't careful. It wasn't like Doctor Reid to not be careful like that. She was on birth control and there was always condoms in top drawer next to their bed.

But they slipped up just once. She'd forgotten to take her pill and hadn't noticed (Spencer was good with gently reminding her when he could. This hadn't been one of those times), and Spencer hadn't reached for a condom.

Neither of them quite realised they weren't being safe. Not until she realised there was an odd number of pills in the packet at the end of the day. She'd taken both pills, the number should have been even.

But she didn't panic. Didn't mention anything to Spencer. What was the chance she was actually pregnant? She kept things quiet until the morning sickness started. Until she took a test, and then another, and then another. When they all came back positive, she called Spencer.

She didn't normally call Spencer while he was on a case. He was busy, she waited for him to call her in the evenings, when he was in the hotel room and he wanted to hear about her day. Spencer couldn't help but assume that something was wrong.

Far from it. Everything was perfect. The minute Spencer got home he pulled her into his arms, his face in her hair. "I love you," he whispered again and again and again.

Spencer didn't tell the team. Didn't want them to worry while he was on cases.

She became, admittedly, a little clingy when she began showing. Not to the extreme of stopping him from going on cases, but, whenever he was home, she was attached to him.

And Spencer couldn't say no to his wife. She was craving pizza? He was getting pizza. She wanted him to read to her? He was bringing in a selection of books, sitting her on the sofa and rubbing her swollen feet with one hand while he read.

If she wanted to bring him something to eat, he'd text her when they were landing to do paperwork.

It didn't matter the time. Mrs Doctor Reid made two sandwiches and set off for her husbands place of work.

She had met the team a couple of times before. It wasn't many, but it was enough for her to be friendly with them. With a science museum tote bag over her shoulder, she stepped out of the elevator and walked into the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit.

Morgan spotted her first. "Hey, Mrs Reid," he called, gaining the attention of the rest of the BAU. But then Morgans eyes widened. "Holy shit," he couldn't stop himself from saying.

Emily let out a gasp as she walked over. "Congratulations, Mrs Boy Wonder," she said as she hugged her. Mrs Reid hugged her back.

Hotch shouted his Congratulations through his office doorway to the happy couple. As he did so, Morgan walked over and placed his hands on Spencers' shoulders. "My man," he said quietly and let go.

With a fond smile, Spencer pushed his hair back. He grabbed his chair and wheeled it over to her. "Hi Honey," he said softly, sitting her down on the chair.

Her bag was in her lap as Spencer wheeled her over to his desk. "I missed you," she said, pushing her own fingers through his hair.

Spencer softly smiled at her. "I missed you too," he whispered as she grabbed his hand. Public displays of affection weren't Spencers thing but, for his pregnant wife, he'd do anything.

She quickly let go of him and opened her bag. "I brought sandwiches," she said as she pulled one out and passed it to Spencer. He leaned against the desk as he unwrapped it, keeping hold of it as she unwrapped the second. Once they were open, they swapped. She took the sandwich from him and he took the sandwich from her.

As they ate, they spoke. She didn't ask about the case, she never did. No, she asked about the city and whether he'd been eating well.

Spencer assured her that he had been eating well. The conversation they had was the one they normally had in the evenings, when he was on a case.

He pressed his hand to her bump for a quick second as he finished his sandwich. "I've got paperwork to finish up," he said and rested his hand on her shoulder. "Wanna sit with me while I get it done?"

She nodded her head and Spencer grabbed another chair. As he worked she kept one hand to her bump, the other holding Spencers.

[caffeineforbucky]

Cruel Summer

Summary: After a two-year absence from your family, you return home for your father's birthday and unexpectedly reconnect with his friend, John Price. A serendipitous attraction emerges, leading to a challenging summer.

Pair: 'Captain' DBF!John Price x AFAB!Reader

WC: 2,008

Warnings: Minors DNI 18+, Age gap. Reader is 26 and John is 37, swearing, longing, some fluff...? Lemme know if I missed any

A/N: I fear it's been a minute since I wrote anything for this blog. This fic might be a few parts. It's been sitting in my drafts for freaking months and I was too excited to get the first part out.

BY CLICKING KEEP READING, YOU ARE CONFIRMING THAT YOU'RE 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

"Come on, honey," Your mother's voice resonates in the emptiness of your small kitchen, and the sting in your eyes makes it hard to focus, vision blurring with a haze of murkiness.

With the heel of your palm, you brush away the lamentation on your lashes, heedless in your movements, as you shove a couple of hoodies, books, and other insignificant items into a box—a box of your ex's things. The things he left behind.

"Your dad hasn't seen you in two years. His birthday is coming up in a couple of days, and the only thing he talks about missing his little girl."

That manages to make you smile, if only for a moment. A fleeting glimpse of happiness amidst your heartbreak. "Ryder's there. Dad can have his little boy there instead."

Ryder—your older brother. He was only five years older than you, but while growing up together, you two were inseparable. There was the occasional bickering and fighting, but like all siblings, you grew apart.

He had his life, and you had yours.

"I can hear your dumbass, you know that, don't you?" He tuts through the speaker of your cell phone, and it causes you to snort. He was already with the rest of your family since flying in the night before. Ryder's remark is met with hushes from your mom before she playfully shoves him to continue the phone call with you. Just like old times.

"I don't know, ma..." You mumble, trying your bestest to make it sound like you aren't crying. You knew she worried about you. More than you would've liked, but she was your mother. My job is to worry. She would say. "I've got a lot going on over here and—"

She cuts you off before you can finish.

"Please? I will have to tell your dad when he asks, and he'll start crying and... just come. Even if it's for a day or two. He really wants to see you, and so do I. I miss my baby."

A heavy sigh escapes you, letting your face fall into your palms to wipe the rest of your tears with the tips of your fingers. As badly as you want to refuse, the guilt of not seeing your family in so long starts to creep in, trying to gnaw its way into your conscience.

"Okay, Mom," You finally relent after a couple minutes of silence. You knew how much your parents missed you, and you'd let the lust for independence take you away from the people you loved most, and that was something to feel guilty about. "I'll come."

Your mother's excited squeal makes you flinch, and for some reason, her felicity causes a few more tears to slip down your cheeks, even if you manage a soft chuckle. "Oh, I'm so excited. Your dad is going to flip. I gotta make up your room and—Ryder! I'll talk to you soon, baby. We can't wait to see you."

There were a plethora of responsibilities John had to fulfill when he agreed to attend his best friend’s birthday. He had a job; a task force to forefront. A war to conquer. Nevertheless, he was here, in the backyard of said friends' beach house.

He was used to noise. The bustling crowds of civilians, obnoxious music, and the occasional yelps of children chasing each other around. It all resonated as white noise; his ears filtering out what wasn’t of import.

The smell of grilled hamburger patties permeated the air, his eyes focused on the finesse of each flip.

The tap of his fingers drummed rhythmically against the neck of his beer bottle, smiling and nodding as your father went on and on about his endeavors during his time in the Army.

A broken record; really. The stories weren’t new, at least, not to him—having been a part of those tales himself. The hardships and challenges of having to partake in such horrific adventures. If you can even call them that. Your father had such a colorful vernacular.

John’s eyes looked up in a lazy sweep as he heard the sound of your mother’s voice emitting as the back door slid open. As he took another swig of his beer, there you were.

The man almost choked. The beer comes back up in a fit of coughs, earning a few swats on the back from your father.

“You okay, John?” Your father eyed him humorously, chuckling as he flipped a couple more burgers.

John couldn’t speak, solely nodding as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, mindful of drying off his facial hair.

Fucking hell…

Clad in a cream-colored sundress, every dip and curve of your body was accentuated, the swell of your assets making his mouth water. You were an absolute dream. A fantasy he couldn’t imagine ever thinking of. You were stunning.

He let his eyes trace the outline of your body, from the cherry pattern on your dress to the pretty little red ballet flats you had on.

John had prided himself in being devout to his career. Nothing came between him or it. In his thirty-seven years of being alive, he never once tried to settle down or even dabble in a relationship for fear of never giving enough or never being present. He’d have the occasional fuck, but that was once in a while.

His life wasn’t promised; not in the way he had any control over. Then again, who does?

For the first time since joining the Army, he thought of marriage, and he immediately shook that thought away.

He nudged your father, making him turn toward the profile of his face. With his hand still wrapped around the neck of the bottle, he gestured towards you. “Is that—“

“Ah, there she is!” Your father rejoiced, setting down the spatula as you headed towards where they both stood, your mother trailing behind. John stood idle as he watched you move into your dad’s arms with a semi-forced smile.

“Hey, Dad.” You greet him, letting him rock you back and forth in a tight embrace. “Happy birthday.” Regardless if you’d arrived the day before, your dad was still excited that you were here.

"Thank you, pumpkin."

John watched the interaction from the corner of his eye, a strange feeling tugging at his gut. You were no longer that little girl he remembered—you were a woman now. He took another swig of his beer, curiosity and desire brewing within him.

Once your father had released you from his bear hug, your eyes met with John's. A surprised expression graced your face, recognition flashing across your eyes as if you had completely forgotten that he could also be there. "John?" You questioned, your voice softer than he remembered. 'That you?" There was a hint of a tremble, but it was quickly masked by a polite smile.

"Hey there, sweetheart." He greeted, his voice firm yet gentle. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander over you once more, drinking in the sight of you. It was almost as if he was seeing you for the first time. "Aye. It's me."

You chuckled softly, shaking your head in disbelief. "I can't believe it's been fifteen years. You haven't changed much, you know."

John couldn't help but chuckle at your comment, feeling a sense of warmth spreading through him. Fifteen years…

You had to be around twenty-six now.

"I would say the same about you, but—" he replied, letting his gaze linger on yours for a moment longer than necessary. "You've grown up beautifully."

The compliment seemed to take you by surprise, your cheeks flushing a soft tinge. You quickly turned your gaze away from him, focusing on your father who was grilling the patties. "Thanks, John." You muttered, the unease in your voice not going unnoticed by him. Neither did that color on your cheeks.

You could recall the little girl crush you used to have on him all those years ago, when it was adolescent, innocent, and pure. Something to laugh off because it was cute.

But now, standing here as an adult, the feelings that stirred within you when John's gaze lingered on you were anything but innocent. It was a confusing, frightening, yet somehow thrilling realization—one that you knew you would have to confront sooner or later.

Your mother, who had been watching the entire exchange with the sharp eyes of a hawk, nudged you gently, whispering something about helping her out in the kitchen. You took the opportunity to escape, excusing yourself from the men's company. As you turned to leave, you felt John's eyes on you, following your retreating figure. A shiver ran down your spine, but you forced yourself to ignore it.

After you'd left, an awkward silence fell between the two men. John took another swig of his beer, trying to shake off the strange feelings that your presence had stirred up within him. The tension was palpable, a thick fog of unspoken words and hidden desires. It wasn't like him to be so affected, and yet, there was something about you that left him in a state of bewilderment.

His gaze lingered on the spot where you had stood moments ago, the image of your flushed cheeks and the softness of your voice etched into his mind. He raked a hand through his hair, a sigh escaping his lips. This was dangerous territory. He knew it but seemed powerless to pull himself away from the allure.

Your father, completely oblivious to his friend's internal struggle, continued flipping burgers, a contented smile on his face. He hummed a tune under his breath, his eyes bright with happiness. Every now and then, he would glance towards the kitchen door, awaiting your return.

"John," He started, his voice pulling John out of his reverie. "You've gone quiet on me, mate." Your father’s jovial tone contrasted starkly with the turmoil raging within John.

John managed a weak smile, forcing out a chuckle. "Just lost in thought, I guess," he replied, not meeting your father's gaze. He took another sip of his beer, the cold liquid doing little to ease the heat creeping up his neck.

Your father simply laughed, shaking his head. "You've always been a bit of a daydreamer, haven't you?" He said, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Just don't go getting lost in your thoughts. We've got a party to enjoy."

John nodded, forcing himself to focus on the present, on the sizzle of the burgers, the sound of laughter from the crowd...anything but his best friend's daughter. But no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts were preoccupied with you.

As the sun began to set, the party continued in full swing. The laughter and chatter grew louder, the music more upbeat, and the atmosphere more festive. But amidst the sea of faces, John's gaze kept drifting back to you.

Your laughter echoed in his ears, your smile imprinted in his memory. Every now and then, he would catch glimpses of you, your silhouette illuminated by the setting sun, your face glowing with genuine happiness. You were like a beacon of light, drawing him in, and he found himself unable to resist.

You were everywhere he looked, in every corner he turned. With each passing moment, the pull he felt towards you grew stronger, more potent. It was like a magnetic force that seemed impossible to resist. It scared him, baffled him, yet excited him in a way he had never experienced before.

He watched as you interacted with the guests, your laughter filling the air. Your eyes sparkled with mirth, your cheeks flushed with excitement. You were the life of the party, and he couldn't help but be captivated by you.

And as he watched you in the warm candlelight of your father's birthday cake, your smile wide as you sang along with your family, he knew he was in trouble. Because for the first time in a long time, he found himself wanting something he knew he couldn't have.

You.

Oh god. It's so embarrassing how long this took to actually write. Please please lemme know what ya'll think. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Should I continue this? ;) Enjoyxx

[temis-de-leon]

Day 25 - New Year's kiss

Characters: Mammon x fem!MC

25 kisses challenge Masterlist

Main Masterlist

CW: a bit of self insert (my parents are not every one's parents), Mammon is taller than MC and they have a well established relationship, they are whipped for each other

A/N: we're finally here. Time passed so fast, I'm gonna miss this. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Next will be the 500 followers celebration, see you there :) (if you want to ofc)

.

“Shit!”

MC could only watch as Mammon kicked the wheel and grabbed fistfuls of his hair. He seemed desperate, embarrassed and defeated, jewellery sparkling under the faint light of the rural streetlamps and eyes glistening with unshed tears. In a way, he also looked beautiful, and MC felt incredibly guilty for the thought alone.

He was wearing a suit, chest buttons opened and sleeves rolled up, ignoring the cold with nonchalance. Lucifer begged him to put on a coat to, at least, pretend that low temperatures did bother him a little, but Mammon wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t ignore his older brother’s suggestions. In the end, the coat ended up on MC’s shoulders.

The cold cut her skin when she got out of the car, but what hurt her the most was Mammon’s avoidant gaze. He was ashamed, but there was no way he could've known the engine would fail and leave them stranded out of town. The car wasn’t even his! It was rental!

“Things like this happen” she said in a low tone, grabbing the belt loops in his pants to pull him close to her. A blush immediately appeared on his cheeks and MC wasn’t able to hide her smile on time.

“Do they, tho’?”

“It’s an old car, so yeah”

“Well, it wouldn’t have if Lucifer let me bring my Lexura” he groaned, messing up his hair again “It’s his fault”

“It’s no one’s fault”

MC’s interruption went unnoticed and Mammon kept complaining to the air, growing aggravated without letting her get too far, her fingers still anchored to the loops.

She could understand him. It wasn’t the first time they celebrated the new year as a couple, but it would’ve been the first time spending it with her family. It was a milestone in their relationship he was eager to reach and the disappointment was evident in his face.

“You can fly us there and we can spend time with them still”

“But we’re not gonna be with them when the year starts”

His voice was meek, truly beaten, as if not being there when the year ends would bring bad luck to the new year. A superstitious thought that she wouldn’t have assigned to him before, but maybe this first impression was far more important to him than MC believed to be.

“Baby, come on… I swear it’s okay”

MC called his name, moving her arms to hug his waist, and a wave of relief covered her body when he hugged her back and let his cheek rest on top of her head. Although she couldn’t see him anymore, she knew he was blushing and that made her smile.

Not that far away, crossing the darkness of the countryside and beaming with street lights and firecrackers, the sound of chimes broke the silence. People screamed in excitement and anticipation and Mammon sighed with sadness. Only half a minute of the year remained and they were lost in the middle of the road, the asphalt too old for her to comfortably walk on and the distance too long for them to arrive in less than forty minutes.

Her parents would have to wait, but she knew they wouldn’t feel insulted. And frankly, it’s not like she was sad either. She was with Mammon, after all, listening to the weak ringing of the chimes with poorly hidden joyful agitation, and the closer they got to midnight, the faster her heart beat.

Mammon looked at her in surprise, keeping her close to shield her from the cold. The artificial light from above crowned his hair like a halo and MC was too happy to comment on the irony.

“Are you seriously okay with this?”

“Of course I am! As long as I start each new year with you, I’ll always be okay!”

The chimes got louder and people started to scream the countdown. Only 12 seconds left.

They were both smiling like idiots, the disappointment of not arriving on time slowly disappearing. MC stood on her tiptoes and Mammon leaned down.

“Stop being so cute, dammit”

She chuckled and he kissed her and the scream got louder. Fireworks exploding in the air while he spread his hands across her back and she cradled his face, keeping him where he was for a few more seconds before he managed to pull away.

With eyes half closed and a flushed expression, he murmured against her lips.

“Happy New Year, treasure”

“Happy New Year, Mammon”

MC smiled while he kissed her, repeating the gesture again and again until they started laughing. Then, they kissed once more.

.

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Taglist: @ourfinalisation  @owlisbuffering  @chizukimp4  @ravenredwine @darkflowerav  @craftysclown @mehkers

[ringleader-inky]

Lily Orchard is stupid but what else is new?

So recently Lily has made a challenge that is as follows:

(Keep these rules in mind)

And AntGr and CrimsonEnder made a list of 50 of those charcters. Which Lily responded to and hoo boy is it bad.

Now I'm only going to be doing several characters from this list because 1. I don't know some of these characters and 2. I can only handle so much of Lily's stupidity. So with that out of the way let's get this show on the road.

Of course you'd put N here because you didn't understand his story to begin with. N definitely does fall under number 2 because he was raised by Ghetsis. You know... THE LEADER OF TEAM PLASMA! I've said this before, but I'll say it again N essentially grew up in a cult. That's not even mentioning that in black and white 2 they show that some of Team Plasma really did think they were freeing pokemon. You see part of Team Plasma split because some followed N's ideologies and others followed Ghetsis. They have a whole safehouse in Driftveil City where they protect pokemon separated from their trainers. But yeah N's ideology was totally swept under the rug guys.

First of all, Donkey Kong was actually a villain. It was in his very first game where he kidnapped Pauleen. You know.... this one. You were probably around when it came out Lily.:

So technically Donkey Kong is qualified for this list believe it or not.

As for Dedede and Meta Knight their case is quite simple.

In Dedede's case in the game Kirby's Nightmare In Dreamland. Dedede literally breaks the Star Rod that powers the Fountain of Dreams. Which allows the people of dreamland to have dreams, but since the Star Rod no longer powers it there's no dreams. However Dedede did this because he was trying to keep Nightmare from absorbing the Fountain Of Dream's power and taking over the world. Nightmare is cosmic deity that's evil will destroy Dreamland if he got out. So in that instance Dedede does have a point. After all if the Star Rod isn't in the fountain then Nightmare won't come out and kill everyone.

As for Meta Knight's case. Well... just look at fucking Meta Knightmare. The reason why Meta Knight wants to conquer Dreamland is because Dreamland is lazy. While that might not seem like a good point, consider that Dedede is stealing food from the people and how there's some sort of cosmic threat every year or so. You kinda start to see his point a little bit. But if that doesn't work then how about in Squeak Squad where he steals the chest from Kirby and Daroach. The chest had Dark Nebula inside of it and was sealed away. Therefore having someone try and open it would be a big fucking problem.

Last but not least... Edgeworth:

Before we get into why this point is bullshit I'd like to bring up this ask:

I bring this up because it proves that Lily doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. You see Edgeworth isn't just a state prosecutor. HE'S A CHIEF PROSECUTOR! He's not just some joe shmo. Also really, prosecutor can't be evil? May I call Manfred Von Karma to the stand:

In case you don't know. This man is a prosecutor that had a perfect record. All of his defendants were served the guilty sentence. However the only reason why they were found guilty was because he forged evidence. Meaning Manfred is responsible for putting people innocent in prison. He even went so far as to murder Edgeworth's father. And guess who was his protege?

That's right none other than Miles Edgeworth himself!

Meaning that up till Phoenix had arrived Edgeworth was doing the exact same thing Von Karma did. Granted not forging evidence, but still putting innocent people in jail because of he wanted to keep his reputation and he didn't care for justice. Therefore in the first game Edgeworth was the villain. Whether you like it or not. And because Lily never specified that the villain had to be redeemed or not Edgeworth is viable enough to be on this list. So check fucking mate Lily.

[foressfaction]

:Ticci Toby:{A Rewrite}

CHAPTER 6

WARNING:: This story contains EXTREMELY triggering topics such as Domestic/Child/Substance abuse, Death, harsh language, GORE and dissociation triggers. This story mentions mental illnesses and disorders such as Depression, PTSD, ADHD, and Tourette's Syndrome. !!TICS MAY BE TRIGGERING!!

Chapter six

Toby got home that night, realizing what he had done to his hands on the way home. They were chewed, bloody. Most of the blood was dry, but it wasn't hard to wash off.

Toby found some old pairs of winter gloves, they were black. He cut the tips of the fingers off, pulling them onto his hands to hide his scarred skin. He mostly wore jackets and flannels so the gloves wouldn't stand out as much. He really didn't want to be bandaged up again.

Lyra came opening his door, looking at him wide eyed. "What's up? I had an odd feeling just now."

"Eh? Oh, I'm fine, just- sitting, yep." he shrugged, tugging his hands into the creases of his elbows.

"Wait, Lyra, I have to ask, why was dad so mad yesterday?" he spoke, now thinking about how his head was healing. A white strip of gauze wrapped around his forehead halfway.

Lyra came in and sat down on his bed, hopping a little as she did so, making the bed bounce. "I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you. I quit my job, and well now we don't have much income."

Toby looked down slightly, kinda upset too. "heh..let me guess, dad did-didn't like that because you we-were the only one making money?"

She nodded. "I couldn't handle the drama, I wasn't getting promoted, I was only getting yelled at, work used to be my only escape from the verbal assault but I just didn't feel safe there." Lyra explained. This made Toby wonder, was Lyra skipping school? She never talked about it.

"You're still going to school right?" Toby asked. This earned a guilty side eye from the blonde girl. "Look- don't tell mom and dad okay? It was just too overwhelming and i had to work and- and-"

Toby grabbed her hand with a weak smile. "it's safe w-with me, why would i tell them? I know how dad would react, and mom would nev-never see the end of it." He looked down, a few facial tics leaving him.

"Let's go somewhere." Lyra randomly suggested. "Anywhere, for a drive, walk, even running doesn't sound so bad, I bet I can beat you in a race." She winked childishly. Despite being five years older than Toby, Lyra was a rather playful person. She was just overall chaotic. All she wanted to do was to make her brother laugh, see him smile. He never smiled much, or when he did it was an awkward smirk.

"Nuh uh, i-im way faster than you, believe it." Toby responded, taking on her challenge.

Lyra laughed stupidly and got up, lightning the mood. "Get your shoes on." She left the room quickly.

Toby got up and pulled on his old converses, they were all dirty and worn out from wearing them for so long. Toby followed the girl who disappeared into her room.

Lyra was putting her hair into a loose ponytail. She had bangs that fell perfectly above her eyes, and side tails that were just too short to fit into the ponytail. Her hair was thick and naturally a yellow blonde color. It was rather messy too, a family trait. She pulled on her own pair of plain white converses. Despite being white, they were still in way better shape than Toby's. Her style was pretty casual for their time, baggy jeans, band T-shirts with flannels or other sweaters layered over. They did live in a colder area so thicker and warmer clothes dominated their wardrobe. Plus the family's poor income only allowed them to mostly thrift all of their things, and stick to the same pair of shoes for years.

It's a good thing they never really grow out of old clothes. Both of the siblings being underweight and pretty malnourished. Lyra keeps Toby in check by doing things like they are now, exercising, without knowing it. Lyra and Toby honestly just liked being active. Staying inside all day was a bummer, and so what if it was 50 degrees out, they weren't going to suffice being bored to death all day.

School or work was the only reason they left the house, sometimes it was good to get out.

••••••

[galpalkirk]

I made a post a while ago about how ttpd is the perfect loustat album. Long story short it then evolved into this playlist.

Notes on each song choice under the cut (because I'm insane and they're long):

1. Guilty as Sin? - POV Louis Ep 1x1 In throes of increasing wonder... it's all about desire and religious guilt.

2. But Daddy I Love Him - POV Louis Ep 1x1 "He ain't white, he french." Ep 1x2 "He had a way about him" He was chaos, he was revelry. Ep 1x4 I'm having his baby! The obvious forever iconic baby trapping.

Crazier - POV Louis (not on the list because of vibes but still an honorable mention) Ep 1x1 You lift my feet off the ground, you spin me around. Levitating vampire sex. Ep 1x2 You showed me something that I couldn't see, opened my eyes and you made me believe. Lestat trying to free Louis from the trappings of his life and Louis literally seeing the world differently as a vampire.

3. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - POV Louis Everything about them. Ep 1x2 Louis starting to see that he cannot stomach the way Lestat enjoys killing. Lestat humiliating and killing the opera singer simply because he was a bad singer. Ep 1x3 The jokes that he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud. "What is wrong with that man?!" and then add Louis actually trying to fix Lestat by having him only kill evil people.

4. False God - POV Louis and Lestat We were crazy to think, crazy to think that this could work. But we might just get away with it, religion's in your lips, even if it's a false god. I know heaven's a thing, I go there when I touch you. Honey, hell is when I fight with you. I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town. You can't talk to me when I'm like this, daring you to leave me just so I can try to scare you. Self-explanatory.

5. Renegade - POV Lestat Ep 1x1 I tapped on your window on your darkest night, the shape of you was jagged and weak. There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway. Louis running away from Lestat to the church to try to exorcise him from his mind and heart. Trying to keep him out rather than let him in. Ep 1x2 After the phantoms of your former self. Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these? And let all your damage damage me? And carry your baggage up my street? And make me your future history? Louis trying to continue his life as it was before he was turned but finding it difficult in a multitude of ways. "I almost ate my nephew, Lestat!" You've come a long way, open the blinds, let me see your face. You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody. "You are a challenge every sunset, Saint Louis. And I'd have it no other way." Ep 1x3 You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself, but do you know you're demolishing me? "This is not a life!" "That's because you TOOK my life!" Louis leaving Lestat because he hates his own vampire nature. Ep 1x5 Is it insensitive for me to say "Get your shit together so I can love you?" Louis' depression after Claudia leaves. Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything? Or do just not want to? "Say 'Lestat, I am never going to love you.'" Louis never telling Lestat "I love you" during their 30 years together.

6. Bejeweled - POV Lestat Ep 1x3 and onward. Don't put me in the basement when I want the penthouse of your heart. Lestat starting and continuing his affair with Antoinette whenever he feels neglected or rejected by Louis.

7. High Infidelity - POV Lestat I just think the cheating blondes Lestat and Taylor have a lot in common. Ep 1x5 Put on your records Read your books and regret me. Lestat being ignored by Louis who is only staying inside and reading his books since Claudia left. Ep 1x5 (with additional 2x7 context) You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love? The slowest way is never loving them enough. "If every word coming out of his mouth is vitriol or disinterest for seven years... you don't want to. You still hope that he'll emerge out of his melancholy. That he'll love you like you love him." But in the meantime you cheat. I bent the truth too far tonight, I was dancing around, dancing around it. Lestat keeping up his affair with Antoinette after he had promised to end it. You said I was freeloading. Not related to the show but in the original novel Louis keeps saying how Lestat was exploiting him for his money.

8. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - POV Lestat Ep 1x5 The Fight™️ Oh, here we go again. The voices in his head called the rain to end our days of wild. The "Claudia has left" depression spanning for several years. Lestat hoping he'll "emerge out of his melancholy" but also just being sick of it because he wants to bejeweled. But first, pull the string and I'll tell you that he runs because he loves me. "I have waited, Louis. I have patiently waited in vain for you to love me, as I love you." Ep 2x7 (still The Fight™️) He saw forever so he smashed it up. Hehe, Slam Reid his face into the coffin.

9. The Great War - POV Louis and Lestat Ep 1x5 The Fight™️ 2: Electric Boogaloo I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone. Louis ignoring Lestat and going deeper into his depression. And maybe it was egos swinging, maybe it was her. "A thousand nights of sulking, and the first sight of her, you are just gonna up and leave me?!" Ep 2x7 (still The Fight™️) Your finger on my hairpin triggers. "A word of context for our jury. The single worst thing that a vampire can feel is loneliness." Soldier down on that icy ground looked up at me with honor and truth. Broken and blue. So I called off the troops. That was the night I nearly lost you. Louis leaving Lestat after being dropped from the sky. "I did it to hurt him. And it did hurt him. And afterwards he was a broken thing. I know, I saw, because I am the one who broke him!" Ep 1x6 We can plant a memory garden. Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair. There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair. And we will never go back to that bloodshed. The aftermath of The Fight™️. "We leave the damage so we never forget the damage."

10. imgonnagetyouback - POV Louis Ep 1x6 Whether I'm gonna curse you out or take you back to my house. I haven't decided yet, but I'm gonna get you back. Louis swimming the Mississippi to yell at and fuck Lestat after he sends him the "Come to me" record. And then taking him back. And then plotting his death to get him back.

Rest of the songs will be in a reblog because apparently you CAN reach character limit on a tumblr post...

[nobody-lll]

Do you play games?

Hi!! Thx for asking!

Sorry that it took me a while to respond. For some reason, this went through 2 or 3 drafts, so it took a bit for me to finalize what exactly I wanted to say. Also, I apologize that it turned out as long as it did, especially when it really didn't need to be 😅. A good 3-4 sentences, or honestly, even just a simple yes or no, probably would have sufficed.

So, before I actually answer the question, I'm assuming that by "games," you mean specifically video games. I apologize if this is an entirely incorrect interpretation. You see, when it comes to stuff like this, I am actually really stupid.

Anyway, with all that out of the way, yes! I do indeed play video games. While I'm down to play just about anything, my absolute favorite games tend to have captivating art direction (Hollow Knight/Gris), engaging worldbuilding (Elden Ring/Bloodborne), engrossing vibes/atmosphere (Demon's Souls/Breath of the Wild), and/or a compelling cast of characters (Hades/Stardew Valley/Armored Core VI).

If I can get emotionally invested in at least one of these aspects, chances are that I'm gonna fall in love with that game, despite whatever faults it may have (Dark Souls II). Additionally, while not mandatory, a great soundtrack can go a long way too (Chrono Trigger/Mario Galaxy). Adding a song to my playlist definitely helps a game stick with me for a lot longer (Guilty Gear).

It doesn't so much matter to me if a game is "fun" either. While fun games (Smash Bros/Mario Kart/co-op games in general) are fun in their own right, it's not entirely necessary in order for me to love a game. I'd be remiss not to mention this, seeing as how it has clearly and undeniably shaped what games I gravitate towards, but I 've struggled with deppresion for over 5-ish years, so having fun can be a bit challenging at times, especially in the context of a single player video game, which is most of what I play. Heck, I would say, with the exception of Hollow Knight and Mario Oddyssey, that I kinda struggle to have a genuinely good time playing any of the games in my top 10 anymore. Dont get me wrong! They have there moments of course, but it's just not the main draw.

Also, not sure if you, or anyone else for that matter, are curious, but my top 7 video games, in no particular order, are Bloodborne, Gris, Dark Souls I, Dark Souls II, Hollow Knight, Elden Ring, Armored Core VI. These are the 7 games that are a straight 10/10 to me. They're all more or less tied for first. Not sure if I could realistically pick a favorite or least favorite out of them. As you can tell, I tend to like games that are kinda depressing.

And, I think that's about it. I could definitely keep going, but I think I'll end it here. I feel like I'd be disrespecting your time if I kept going.

Anyway, just wanna say thank you if you read this far.!! Hope this answered your question : )

[ateez-himari]

Omggh bb I'm afraid I just tired you out more with this detailed reply😶I'm sorry but thank you so so much cause now my curious self is pleased

I actually thought the same thing about the suchwita except for jhope cause I knew she produced "guilty". Plus I actually thought she'd be closer to tae than jimin for some reason😭😭but I can't help but imagine how proud they'll be when they go out of the military and see her achieve so many things at her age🥹🥹.

If my calculations are correct mimi was 12 when they debuted (that's so cute omll🤭)

And hima has the biggest flex, if someone asks her "who's the most famous person in your contact?" she'll just shrug and say "oh bts"like girlll that's NOT something you should be nonchalant about

I love mimi so much she's just so hdidjdid yk!? 😭

So for another question (1 this time cause I feel bad) do mingi and hima show pda like I know they've kissed on set but I mean when they're on live or filming wanteez or anything like that, and if so what are some of their most wholesome moments

For some reason I keep picturing hima in team challenges running over to mingi immediately or if the teams were already chosen she'll try to bribe him into helping her😭😭

Thank you bb for answering all of my asks💓💓mwahh

Hi sweets! In all honesty answering your questions relaxes me since it's something that I like doing and that I can use imagination for it so don't you worry!! 🥰

• Taehyung and Hima actually took a little longer to warm up to each other than the rest since they're at the age difference where talking like friends is odd, but then talking only like senior/junior is also awkward. (Also you made me think of this but have you seen how buff he got ?? Imagine the scary dog privileges she has-) These men are keeping up with her fan accounts more than the fans themselves just to see what she's going to achieve next. And yesss she was just a 12 year old kid, but when she met them she was 10/11 (she was born late in the year and she met them almost right after the accident)

This girl's contact list is definitely very interesting 🤭Twice, BTS, Taemin, G-Dragon (they have something coming up), Stray Kids, SVT members (S.Coups, Jeonghan, Woozi, The8, Mingyu, DK and Dino) , Cha Eunwoo, Moonbyul, Hwasa, Yoon San Ha, Baekhyun, etc, you name them she knows them 😭 Imagine casually telling people; "Oh this dress ? Taehyung oppa bought it for me"

• Since they haven't been public very long there aren't many videos on the official channel where they're openly romantically affectionate with each other, it's mainly her sitting on his lap in the waiting room or his hands straying a little lower than they need to be when fixing her mic belt. There was one moment in WANTEEZ that stood out to viewers as being very loving;

Episode 40; When everyone was going to sleep on the combined futons Hima was out like a light almost immediately with her head in the crook of his neck, seeing this Mingi pulled the blanket over her body - tucking her in carefully since she was just recovering from a bad sickness. She's a light sleeper, so when she moved in response to this he pulled her into his arms tightly and kissed her forehead 🥺

(BONUS) Episode 10; Hima was still out of it after waking up from anesthesia and walked out of the recovery room to see Mingi that had just woken up, but instead of saying anything she just stood in front of the bed and stared at him then shuffled back to sleep on Hongjoong's leg in the waiting room. She just stood there for a solid minute...no words, nothing, then she walked away...she looked like this; 0.0

(Rumor has it that she uses her charm to make Mingi mess up during games where they're against each other...but she'll never admit to that 🤭)

ON LIVES HOWEVER; Mingi often forgets that she only has about 55% of her original hearing and proceeds to simply state loudly (enough for a regular person to hear) that he's live while she's in the shower. There's been numerous times where she walked into the camera frame wearing a crop top and underwear because she had no idea that Atiny were on the other side of the screen, so Mingi has to have a sweater at the ready every time and get used to people drooling over his girlfriend on Twitter, but at the end of the day people are watching her cuddle up to HIM 😏

Since they don't live in the same dorm and have somewhat filled schedules, she tends to come to his studio to work or simply to be with him. During the famous 'Tiramisu Cake' live she was laying down on the large blue teddy bear he has against the back wall, half asleep and laughing at her boyfriend's antics. When she goes live he'll feed her some of whatever he ordered, pull her into his lap instead of leaving her on the chair or bed, sometimes he'll try to do her hair, etc 🥺

Thank you for asking so many questions Mina, you make me think of new things every time and I love it!! 😘❤️MWWAH!!

[joeyleesblog]

If he said he felt that way, what would you say?

Notices: self hate, depression, suicidal idealization.

Post 1

......................................

Spider was tired of these therapy sessions.

"I don't want to do this anymore" And He finally said. Tarah just raises an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation of her words. "I'm tired of this, okay?" Frustration seeped heavily from his voice and face. "It's been months and I haven't felt better. It's a waste of time, all of it." Spider will feel guilty later on for practically disregarding all the effort Dr. Tarah is doing her best to help him, but at the moment he doesn't care, he is tired, frustrated and unhappy.

"Spider" The woman's tone is patient, "remember what I said at the beginning?"

Spider sighs.

"This therapy does not have a fixed end date, but takes as long as it takes." "

"And that your cooperation is essential." Tarah adds gently. "We're making progress, believe me."

Spider clenches his fists and grinds his teeth. "What progress?! What progress, huh?! I still feel like shit. I still hate myself to the point where I want to pierce my heart with a spear! So you told me what progress we're making!" The boy gets up from his chair and starts pacing back and forth with heavy breathing.

Tarah takes a deep breath and remains seated.

"Sit down Spider and take a deep breath." The woman asks calmly. "Take a deep breath and calm down, please."

Spider listens, sitting heavily in the chair, trying to control his breathing with the exercises the woman taught him. After a few minutes, his breathing returns to normal, but he still feels anxious and wants to go back to his room and doesn't come out anymore.

After seeing that the teen has calmed down, Tarah speaks in the diligent voice.

"Spider, healing is not something quick and linear, but a gradual and painful process, but it will be worth it in the end. But you have to want to heal and accept that you deserve to be healed."

Spider makes an impatient sound.

"You keep saying that. Norm and Max too. You tell me that I need to forgive myself, that I'm not a bad person and I don't deserve anything that happened to me." He looked into the woman's eyes. "But how do I do it? How can I do it? Nobody tells me how, because it's not possible."

Tarah sighs wearily at Spider's challenging gaze, but then her mind clears and determination dawns on her face.

"Very well. Let's start making you forgive yourself now. Close your eyes." When the teen just turned his head indifferently, Tarah was firmer. "Close your eyes."

Spider huffed, but finally closed it.

"Okay. I want you to tell me why you hate yourself so much and I want you to be honest."

Spider took a deep breath, already feeling a tightness in his throat and a slight burning in his eyes.

"I am a traitor. I am weak. I am not wanted."

"Why?" The question made Spider swallow back a sob.

"He did terrible things. He's horrible, but I saved him anyway. I couldn't, couldn't do anything to stop him from destroying that village and hurting the people. I only stayed on Pandora because it wouldn't survive the journey to earth."

"When did you start feeling unwanted?" Spider shrugged.

"I think when I was eight." Tarah watched with a pained look.

"So that's the root of it all. Okay. You can open your eyes." Spider opened his eyes, trying to hold back the tears. "Now, i want you to imagine yourself as a child, when you were eight years old."

Spider frowned at the request, but he answered and imagined as much as he could, he looked to the side and there was little Spider, with a calm face.

"That's the little boy who thinks he's a traitor, weak and unwanted, because he's you, Spider. Do you understand that?"

The teen gave a weak wave.

""Tell that little boy he's a traitor. That he's weak and nobody wants him!"

Spider didn't open his mouth, but Tarah remained relentless.

"Tell him he's evil, tell him you hate him so much you want him dead."

"To stop."

"Tell him he deserved everything the RDA did to him! Tell him he's responsible for his father doing those cruel things! Say he should have been sent to earth!"

"No." "

"Say it, Spider."

"No!" Spider screams, tears already streaming down his face. ""Stop, just stop." He begs

Tarah stops and gives him a few seconds before delivering the finishing blow.

"But you already said it. Today, yesterday. Every day, when you say all those things to yourself."

Spider purses her lips and looks at the tiny version of herself, who still has a calm expression on her face, as if she doesn't carry all the burden of being unwanted because of her parents' sins.

"What do you want to tell him?" Tarah's voice is soft again. "To this boy who feels so bad about himself, what do you mean?"

"That he's not bad." Spider cries. "Pandora is his home, not earth. And he didn't deserve to go through all that hell and there was nothing he could do to stop Quaritch. He's not... he's loyal, more than anyone else."

The woman nods with a smile on her lips.

"This is what you need to tell yourself. When you feel awful and anxious and unworthy, say those things you would say to that little boy. This is how you begin to forgive and heal yourself, Spider."

Spider sniffs and nods frankly.

"O-okay."

...

this was totally inspired by My Mad Fat Diary.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Hi! First of all kind greetings :-) I've been trying to learn about Jewish history, culture and religion for more than four years and been pretty sure I want to convert since at least three years. I've attended a service at a local (non-orthodox) Synagoge a few years ago but have not started conversion process or contacted a rabbi, at first because finding an Orthodox congregation close to me was a challenge. There is no contact info of any Rabbi online for security reasons, and I've yet to talk to any Rabbi in my city - even my last visit to the local shul was only communicated with a Gabbai. I've also studied Hebrew for quite a while now. My partner is Jewish Israeli and I've attended most holidays a few times over the last few years and also taken part (I was always invited). First of all I'm kind of scared to make the jump again and contact the congregation I've found I think would work for me because the last shul I visited rejected me three times before even attending a service as a visitor, no mention of giyur. Which each time was incredibly emotional for me. Also the security made me cry because they were so mean to me lol. I'm scared the orthodox shul would completely reject me, esp. because I know they (in my country) usually keep to themselves even more and are more wary of outsiders. I also feel guilty to "demand" to enter their space at this hard time, though I've wanted to do it long before this war. Do you (or your followers) have any tips on how to first approach the congregation at this difficult time? That congregation and their members have faced attacks several times since the war. The only way to contact anyone at that congregation is through a generic info@xxx email. I don't know why I'm so ashamed to contact them. I feel like I'm in such a weird limbo since a few years and I just want to break out of it and start the process. Should I be upfront with my intentions from the beginning or first make a more generic request? Sorry for the long ask. Any thoughts or tips are welcome 🙏🩷🌸

I want to start this by saying I'm really sorry - I can only imagine how stressful this all is. I'm also really proud of you! I can only hope that you are fulfilled when you engage with judaism <3

When I contacted my conservative shul, I emailed them and was upfront - I can't remember what I said, but I was completely open about wanting to attend services, that I had never been to shul, and that I wanted to be part of the community (I didn't outright mention conversion though). They ended up calling me directly because they didn't see the emails at first, as well. When I emailed my rabbi, I was also rather frank and upfront - I detailed how exactly I engaged with my community, what extracurricular I do (hebrew class, ITJ, and others). I would honestly consider letting them know that you've extensively engaged with the community. I think it can give them a better idea about your intentions in the sense that it's obvious that you've already done so much. It (probably) won't hasten the official conversion process, but what it will do is help you to find your footing quicker, I think.

I don't know your situation, of course, so please engage with this insofar as using this as inspiration. I would absolutely see about getting as many people involved as possible as a support system - one of the hardest things to learn (at least I think) is to not think of this as entitlement, but moreso as connection. We need each other. We can't (well, shouldn't) study Torah alone, we can't build community alone, and we can't live a full life alone. I think we (as those who've converted/are converting) get caught in our thoughts and worries, and I just want to emphasize that you have done nothing wrong by wanting to be jewish, and, indeed, while there is a process to converting, there are people who want (and maybe personally feel they need) to help - you'd truly be surprised! It's obvious that you absolutely want to be sensitive and respectful - I say use that energy as affirmation, rather than holding yourself back by it. What I mean by that is have confidence that you are doing your best - you might stumble, but with the way you're talking, I can tell where your heart is. I think people will also recognize that, and people are going to be more willing to help when they can tell that you've been trying so hard. That's been a lesson that I needed to learn, and it's one that I wanted to share with you.

Y'all have been asking some hard-hitting questions, and I want to thank you for entrusting me to type all of this out. I know how vulnerable it feels, and it fills me with warmth to know that the long-standing tradition of building jewish community is one we can participate in together. You are not an island - I want us to join together. I know this answer is not sufficient on its own, but I hope that maybe at the least, you might feel seen and cared for. I hope those who have more similar experiences could perhaps also speak to it. I wish you the best of luck, and please feel free to come back. There's no shame here, and I hope you can feel welcomed in this space

[theoi-crow]

Hey there, hope you're doing well! This may be a little bit of a sensitive ask (tw pet death) so please feel free to ignore it, but I was wondering if there were any myths about what happens to our pets when they pass, and/or how to honor them. I was thinking of having a little mini altar for my dog, and to give dog treats as offerings, but I wasn't sure if that was proper. Thanks in advance!!

I'm so sorry for your loss…

The ancient Greeks and Romans loved their dogs a lot and although there aren't a lot of stories about dogs in ancient mythology, we've found a lot of graves and epithets written by grieving owners who had to bury their dogs. Here's an example of one:

"I am in tears, while carrying you to your last resting place as much as I rejoiced when bringing you home in my own hands fifteen years ago."

Here are the rest: (LINK)

Here's a bit more on how the ancient Greeks cherished and loved their dogs. Plato even called them the greatest philosophers because they knew the difference between good and bad people: (LINK)

"The dog was a companion, protector, and hunter for the Greeks and the spiked collar…was invented by the Greeks to protect the necks of their canine friends from wolves." Source: (LINK)

So as you can see, dogs were very important to the ancient Greeks and they memorialized their dogs too so it's okay to put him on your altar. It won't be disrespectful and the gods will understand.

Here are examples of what they'd often look like:

To talk a bit more about my own grieving experience as a Hellenic polytheist and grieving my dog I hope it's okay if I tell you a bit about my own little dog who I lost this past March:

Mourning a dog is so hard because their love for us is so sincere and pure. They love fiercely and protect us as much as they can even when they're so much smaller than whoever they are challenging (my dog was a tiny Maltese Poodle but boy did that dog loved to bark and try to protect me.)

His death came a lot earlier than we expected, he got early onset doggy dementia also known as canine cognitive decline, which is very similar to human dementia.

He began to forget who we were and his health took a nosedive a few months before he passed. We chose to put him down before he got to the final stage (seizures) because as someone who grew up taking care of someone with seizures, I knew he was going to be in excruciating pain. But because he also had dementia he didn't know who we were so I knew he'd be very scared and in excruciating pain with less than a year to live.

Two weeks before his final appointment he lived like a king. He ate all his favorite foods and treats, watched Hamilton everyday (his favorite character was George Washington) and we had the vet come to our apartment so he would be very comfortable since he hated going to the vet.

The Aftermath:

Mourning the loss of a loved one is hard and although we're all familiar with feeling sadness when we grieve, no one ever talks about the guilt and rage that might come over you during your grieving process.

I was angry at my gods

I didn't even know why, I just was. I was mad at them, myself, my spouse, my school, my neighbors, I just wanted to be left alone. But because I was angry at my gods, my Catholic guilt kicked in and I felt guilty for being angry with my gods. I was spiraling because I was trying not to be angry and trying so hard to be sad instead.

But that's when Apollo showed up and I had an honest conversation with him about the guilt behind how I was grieving:

He told me that anger is a natural part of the mourning period. Not everyone will grieve the same but being angry with your gods is normal because when we lose someone who we loved so much there will be a flood of emotions that we didn't know we would feel and forcing them to express in only a sad way keeps you from truly processing your grief. My anger was a part of my grieving process, and so was my confusion and denial of having lost my dog. This was all normal.

I was so overwhelmed with my feelings of rage, guilt, and shame that we left home for a week so I could be away from my altar, my gods and from finding the many dog bones my dog hid before passing.

I desperately needed a break from my gods and they understood.

They weren't upset with me. They knew how much my dog meant to me and how much I loved him, so we left and I was able to process my emotions outside of my home. Prior to this I never understood why people in shows and movies needed to go on a trip when they suffered a loss but after my dog passed I was overwhelmed with the desire to be in nature. To be with Gaia, to be with Demeter. (Two gods I don't normally work with but I desperately needed)

It's okay to go through your own grieving process as it comes. To accept your feelings as they are.

It's okay to feel angry when you're grieving. It's also okay to be angry at your gods because they understand you're grieving. And finally, it's okay to memorialize your dog in whatever way brings you the most comfort.

My dog's little box sits on my altar. He gets his treats and has an electric candle we make sure never turns off. I often mentally see him sitting on Ares' lap or playing fetch with Hermes. He hangs out with my gods and I know my gods don't hold my grieving process against me. They know losing a dog was hard for the ancient Greeks and it's still hard for their modern followers because losing someone who loves you so unconditionally and accepts you for who you truly are without judgment is the hardest thing to do. I wanted to share this with you so you can grieve freely and honor your dog in whatever form brings you the most comfort. The gods understand and they will grieve with you & be there for you.

I personally believe all dogs go straight to the Elysian Fields because dogs are our greatest heroes.

[jellybeanium124]

I'm mad again. and honestly this post is me being an asshole and deeply upset about it because I'm not a good little jew

another mutual gone just proving my theory all of you goyim have a ticking clock in you until you can't handle this little jew ruining your perfect story of the heroic wonderful amazing revolutionary group called hamas who are going to free palestine from the evil nazi demons called the jews zionists who deserved to be raped and dunked in a volcano. I hope you feel guilty when you block me. I hope a part of you knows that you did it because you can't actually listen to minorities when it's the teeniest bit challenging to your worldview. I hope part of you knows you're being an antisemite. and I hope that guilt eats at you and eats at you until you die peacefully at the age of 100.

it was river himbohargreeves btw I don't even fuckin care anymore to vagueblog about who's doing it. funny enough our last two convos were 1) them reaching out to me to ask for advice on avoiding antisemitic tropes in their book about aliens secretly taking over the world, and 2) me reaching out to them after they reblogged a post that was like "the ofmd renewal campaign is stupid donate to hamas instead" where I was like "hey man you can think the renewal campaign is stupid but please don't reblog posts about how you should support hamas from a person who is a 100% dead serious hamas supporter because that's super antisemitic." and they apologized and agreed that was fucked up of them. guess they were lying the whole time! I hope river and hamas are very happy together. I wish I was seeing you thirstblog about diego and his stupid dad look rn but the occasional i/p post from your friend of three years was too much for you to take!

I don't want to lose any of you.

I have blocked TWO former friends, one who immediately said disgusting antisemitic shit on one of my posts a day or two after oct 7, and one who reblogged super antisemitic shit a few weeks later (after unfollowing me already so we were no longer mutuals). everyone else has been them deciding to end our friendship. everyone else has been them deciding the opinions of a jew are something that is too difficult for them to hear. everyone else has been them saying "I can't take this fuckin' kike anymore," never me saying "I can't handle this person's opinions on i/p anymore" because my bar is straight up on the floor. it's below the floor. my bar has descended below the ground straight through to china and is continuing to plummet through space to this day.

all you goyim have no idea what it this has been like, slowly watching every single person leave you because of, ultimately, who you are. because they can't handle the average jew's opinion. because mine is the average jew's opinion, at least the average tumblrina jew. I feel 100% comfortable saying that. I'm actually less "pro israel" or whatever the fuck than some people, and I've seen a lot of posts I'd reblog if it weren't for a sentence or two I really disagreed with.

none of you understand how this has foundationally impacted my ability to trust goyim. irl I'm "in the closet" as a jew for the first time. I meet new people now I keep fucking shtum and any stories that involve my judaism in some way are bent and edited to erase it. I went to jewish camp. I took a jewish choir trip. I'm actually jewish eastern european.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not a good jew. I'm sorry I'm not parroting the party line. I'm sorry I'm not reblogging 15 "free palestine" posts per day. I'm sorry I haven't denounced my people or our right to self-determination. I'm sorry I keep talking about it even though I shouldn't. I'm sorry I think hamas is evil. I'm sorry I think israel should get to exist. I'm sorry I don't say bibi is evil enough. I'm sorry I said you don't get to be antisemitic towards jews you don't like no matter how evil they are. I'm sorry I don't condemn the IDF's actions enough. I'm sorry I didn't share the AI "All Eyes On Rafah" image. I'm sorry I keep reminding you "from the river to the sea" is antisemitic. I'm sorry I'm not a good jew. I'm sorry I'm not a good jew. I'm sorry I'm not a good jew. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!!!

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

how can I grovel enough for you? can I be a good little jew? one who doesn't upset the goyim? one who has friends? how many of you haven't blocked me yet because even though you want to it'd be a bit awkward? maybe we're in a discord server. or just talk enough that suddenly getting blocked would make things weird. just make friend groups a bit tense and uncomfortable.

I wish I could be a good jew for you and earn your goyische love but I can't. I'm a rat bastard kike who thinks israel should continue to exist. shove me in an oven about it.

[lilpixielixie]

CHAPTER FOUR: Delicate | hwang hyunjin x fem!reader

Delicate | hwang hyunjin x fem! reader

"This ain't for the best, my reputation's never been worse, so you must like me for me"

- Delicate, Taylor Swift

Summary: Moving to Seul wasn't something that Selene expected to do, but her broken heart and tired soul were craving for peace. She didn't even think too much about it: she simply saw an opportunity that would let her hide from the media and Hollywood for some time and took it. However, she will have to make a decision by the end of the year and she hopes that, when the time comes, the same world that was hating on her right now would forget everything. Maybe she wasn't meant to be an actress, but she was sure she wasn't meant to be loved. At least, that was what she thought before meeting an idol who wasn't treating her like a broken and pitiful person.

Words: 1K

Genre: actress!reader x idol!hyunjin, SLOW BURN, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut (minors dni)

Warning: none

Author's note: Hi everyone! This chapter is a bit shorter than the others because it's just about the first encounter between Hyunjin and Selene. I'm not completely satisfied but I don't know I to get it better honestly. Now, I feel like the introduction to this story is officially over and from the next chapter there is gonna be more detail about the plot and the chapters are gonna get longer.

Series Masterlis | Selene Profile

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“This is awkward” Selene admitted after four spoonfuls of ice cream. 

Hyunjin giggled nervously “Yes, it is”

They stayed in silence for some time while quietly eating their own food, then Hyunjin said the most stupid thing ever. 

“So, you know my name” 

Hearing that, Selene looked at the guy with the most perplexed but at the same time incredulous face ever.

“You’re Hwang Hyunjin, sorry but who the fuck doesn’t know you?”

The boy choked on his noodles and started to cough. Right after he felt a light hand patting his back:

“Please, don’t die on me…I’ve already had enough scandals for this past months” 

Hyunjin glanced at her while he kept coughing and when he saw her serious expression he started to laugh mid cough. Seeing his reaction, the girl started to laugh too. All that noise caught the attention of the cashier who was playing at his phone, bored to death. He glanced at them and snickered, mumbling something along the line “weird couple”. 

“Sorry, I’m okay, you just…” he stopped mid sentence.

“What? You’re well known, just like Stray Kids in general” 

“Well, I don’t think anyone is saying anything good about me lately” he admitted, turning fully towards the girl who was watching him with a strange look in her eyes. It wasn’t pity, it was more like comprehension and sadness. 

“You’re not talking to the most loved girl on the planet, you’re safe, don’t worry too much” 

Hyunjin was stunned and he let out another little laugh because of the way Selene was being ironic about her whole situation while wearing a serious matter-of-factly expression. 

“You’re really…” he looked at her while still laughing “...but you’re right, we’re both kinda hated right now”

“Without the kinda for me, I’m definitely hated” 

Hyunjin’s eyes turned sad “I don’t think everyone hates you”

“Dude, have you seen what they’re saying online about me now?” she challenged him with a raised eyebrow. In response, Hyunjin stayed silent while Selene took out her phone and opened twitter. 

“I haven’t opened twitter in I think two months…last time I did Sunoo took it away from me” she mumbled almost sounding guilty. 

“I get it, I haven’t opened twitter until the release of the new song” Hyunjin said with a weak voice while taking another bite of his noodles. 

Selene lifted her gaze from her phone while keeping scrolling “The song is really good” she commented.

“You listened to it?” he asked surprised.

“Well, if it wasn’t clear I’m a fan” she replied with a little smile “OH! here it is! Apparently today my ex went to some show and talked about me and he definitely said only good things about me” she chuckled with a bitter smile. 

Hyunjin watched as she put back her phone “Maybe Sunoo was right”

“As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right sometimes”

At that moment, Selene realized she slipped out a name she wasn’t supposed to. She turned pale and looked at Hyunjin, almost terrified “I…didn’t mean that Sunoo”

Hyunjin laughed and gestured something with his hand “Don’t worry, I’ve already known” 

Selene seemed more terrified “H-how?”

He lifted his shoulder “Just a friend from a friend”

Suddenly, she stood up and cursed in what Hyunjin think was italian, her first language, and she hurried up putting the ice cream in her bag “I’m sorry, but I have to go-”

“Hey” Hyunjin also stood up and put his hands on her shoulder “relax, nothing bad happened, we’re just talking”

“Well, we aren’t supposed to, or better, I’m supposed to not interact with anyone but Enhypen’s member and no one should know about my current work with Hybe, they were really clear about it” 

“And I won’t tell anyone, not even my members” he said not letting her shoulders go “I get it, believe me, the desire of disappear and have some privacy, and because of someone I found out about your…situation, so I didn’t tell anyone I saw you last night” he admitted. 

Selene was shocked by the revelation “Really? You didn’t tell anyone?”

“I mean, you don’t really cover up from head to toe to go buy a midnight snack if you didn’t want not to be recognized” he said with a little smile “and I get it, I’ve been there, actually, I’m kind of still in the same situation…”

They stared at each other in silence before the blonde girl broke it “So, why did you talk to me tonight? I still haven’t figured out the reason”

The idol felt cornered by the sudden question and didn’t really know what to say. How could he explain without sounding creepy that he just wanted to know her a bit better and felt bad for her, not in a pity kind of way, but more of “I’m in the same shit, do you want to talk”?

“I just…I don’t know, I thought that maybe you needed someone who could help you…explore Seul? Maybe you needed a friend?”

“A friend?” she looked at him surprised “Y-you want to be my friend?”

“Why not? There is something against it? Excluding the company” 

“I mean, no-”

“Ok, so give me your phone so I can add you on kakao talk” 

Selene was, again, surprised by how determined he was - Hyunjin couldn’t believe he got so confident either - and gave him her phone. 

Once he added her to kakao talk, he gave it back and smiled at her “You should go now, it’s getting late…I would accompany you to your house but-”

“No, if someone saw us, it would be really bad for you” she refused.

Hyunjin raised his eyebrow perplexed “I was gonna say that maybe you would think I had other intentions, and that’s not true”

“Oh…well, yeah, that too, but don’t worry, I live close by” she reassured him while walking towards the entrance. 

“Just text me when you get home” he said, watching her going out of the convenience store. Then, she turned with a smile and wave at him “Thank you, Hyunjin, it was…really nice, I’ll text you” 

Then, she disappeared and the idol sat back down feeling a weird warmth going through all of his body.

© lilpixielixie all rights reserved | do not copy, repost or translate this fic.

[bridgyrose]

Good afternoon Bridgy! First, a random question: What are your thoughts on trains/railways? Personally they're my favorite way to travel. While I'm here, I most humbly request the next installment of either penpals or transfer student. That is all. Have a good day please!

(I havent been on many trains/railways, but I think they make great ways of travel. Now if only the US could make them more commonplace... but anyway, enjoy the drabble)

Weiss looked out over the forest from the cliffside with the other students, heart pounding as she tried to get her thoughts together. She glanced over at Pyrrha, still wanting her as a partner. Follow her after being launched? Maybe watch her from the air with her glyphs and follow down slowly, calling it all a coincidence. It would be simple enough to get her as a partner, and that would be another item crossed off on her list.

“Nervous, Weiss?” Ruby asked as she walked up behind her. 

Weiss shook her head and turned around to smile at Ruby. “Of course not. Just making sure I have plans figured out for orientation.” 

“We could be-” 

“I already have plans on who I want on my team.” Weiss glanced over towards Pyrrha again, her heart racing as she watched her ready her spear and shield for orientation. “All I need to do is make sure I can find her after we’re launched and I can start this year right.” 

Ruby sighed and held her arm. “Yeah, but, I was thinking, since we’re friends-” 

“Maybe friends.” 

“-maybe friends… that we could, you know… be teammates. O-or partners. Get to know each other better.” 

“We can maybe be on a team together, but… I need this to go right.” 

“To go right?” 

“To prove that I can be a huntress and that I’m ready to lead like I’ve been trained to.” Weiss pulled her rapier off her hip and spun the revolver to make sure the dust vials loaded in were still filled. “If I fail here, then nothing I’ve done will have mattered.” 

“Oh…” 

Weiss sighed and put her rapier back onto her hip. “Look, I already told you I’ll keep you from failing out, and even if we end up on different teams, we’ll still be friends. Maybe friends.” 

Ruby nodded and walked off. “Alright. Then… see you after?” 

“Yeah, you’ll see me after.” Weiss took a breath as she watched Ruby walk off, feeling a little guilty for pushing her away so quickly. It wasnt that she didnt want to be on Ruby’s team, but Ruby shouldn’t have even been here. Too young, too inexperienced with her training, skipping grades and classes that she should’ve had. She’d help her, but not do everything for her. Not that she was worried about doing everything for Ruby if they ended up on a team, she was sure she’d be able to handle whatever came at her. 

Weiss got herself in position onto the platform as Ozpin started to speak, trying to wrangle everyone in. With a deep breath, she steadied herself as she listened to his words, focused on the forest in front of her. 

“Today marks the first step to becoming huntsmen and huntresses through one of the most prestigious schools in Remnant,” Ozpin said as he walked in front of each of the platforms. “And today will mark your first day on the team you’ll make today. But first, you’ll want to find the partner you’ll be spending the rest of your schooling with. The first person you make eye contact with will be your partner.” 

Weiss sighed under her breath, taking a quick glance at Pyrrha before focusing on the forest in front of her again. Eye contact was going to make things more complicated than just finding someone. Now she had to find her and make sure they saw each other eye to eye, while also avoiding anyone else that could potentially mess this up for her. Another challenge that made picking her partner that much more important. 

As Ozpin finished his speech, the first few students were sent off into the forest, one at a time as each platform launched. Weiss readied herself as she braced to be thrown, closing her eyes until the moment she felt the wind rush through her hair. Her eyes opened as she watched the forest below her, looking for any sign of Pyrrha below her. A glint of gold caught her eye as it rushed through the tops of the forest, a smile creeping across her lips as she created a series of glyphs to slow her fall, soon becoming platforms as she ran out of the sky and to the tops of the trees, keeping her eyes peeled for Pyrrha. 

She slowly lowered herself down through the trees, taking care to be quiet as she took a step onto the ground as her platforms disappeared. With a deep breath, she pulled the rapier from her hip and held it out in front of her as she heard a few bushes start to rustle around her. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weiss sighed as she listened to Ruby, Blake, and Yang start to fix up the dorm and rearrange everything, already annoyed by how loud they were being. It was one thing to be on a team without Pyrrha, but to be on a team with Ruby was still better than nothing. Though Yang was already proving to be a bit much and Blake was much more quiet than she had expected. Still, it wasnt as bad as being on a team with no one she knew. 

“Can you use one of your glyphs to help keep this in place?” Yang asked as she helped Blake move one of the bunks on top of the other. “Preferably about two feet up until we can get things stable.” 

Weiss sighed and used a glyph to hold the bed up, watching as Yang and Blake started to grab a few books. “And you’re sure this is the best way to make a bunk bed and not just asking for one? I’m sure Ozpin will be willing to get us a real one-” 

“We already have the beds here, so we might as well make them useful,” Yang said as she started to put books between the beds, smiling as she finished with the first leg. “And its a bit late to be asking for bunk beds.”

Blake nodded, making sure the books that were being used were ones that she already had extra copies of. “And we need the space now if we want to fit all of yours and Yang’s things. Looks like Ruby and I were the only ones who packed light.” 

“Its my first time away from home, I didnt know what I’d need.” Weiss dismissed the glyph as soon as the bed was stable. “I needed to make sure I had everything I needed.” 

“Alright team, its time for us to go to bed so we dont end up late for our first class,” Ruby said excitedly as she finished tightening the rope that held her bed above Weiss’s. “We have an early start tomorrow and I”ll make sure none of us are late.” 

Weiss nodded and went to her bed, pausing as she pulled at one of the ropes with her finger. “And you’re sure this will hold?” 

“I did this before with a tree house. It’ll be fine.” 

Weiss shook her head and sighed as she watched Ruby practically jump up onto the bed. She made her way into her own and pulled out her scroll to look at her checklist once more. 

Get a huntress license.

Be on a team with Pyrrha.

Make a real friend.

Try a new hobby.

She stared at the list for a few moments before deleting the list completely. Once she was sure it was gone, she put her scroll down to her side and laid down. “Not quite according to plan, but I can make this work.”

[your-divine-ribs]

Red Part 11

Words: 2.7k

The tension’s building… ❤️

Red Masterlist Main Masterlist

The cab pulls away from the kerbside and you can feel Van's gaze on you but you keep looking ahead, eyes fixed firmly on the headrest of the driver's seat, your heart thundering in your chest.

"So what... are we just gonna sit here in silence all the way to the hotel?"

"Uh-huh... sounds perfect to me!" You say, feeling your body stiffening defensively, your hands clasped together tightly in your lap.

But Van's not giving up that easily, you can see him in your field of vision, shifting in his seat, leaning over the gap between you, his arm outstretched as his hand brushes your thigh to get your attention. You jump like his touch scolds you.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

He withdraws his hand in an instant and your eyes flick up to the rearview mirror to meet the driver's which widen in concern.

"Everything alright there in the back love? D'ya need a hand?"

His voice booms out and he's addressing you but the edge of warning in his voice is aimed at Van. You realise that he probably thinks you're being harassed, and for a moment you consider telling him that you do need help, imagining him pulling over and ordering Van out into the pouring rain. That would probably cool his ardour... but would it cool yours? You don't think it's likely as you steal a glance at Van, see his eyes narrow at you in a daring kind of challenge. He knows damn well that a twisted part of you relishes his attentions. You glare at him pointedly before turning away.

"No... no... it's okay. Honestly I'm fine. Don't worry."

Van leans across the seat, invading your space, not letting up. "Don't touch me? Oh that's a good one. Didn't hear you saying that when you were coming all over my fingers in the bathroom the other week!"

"Jesus Van!" You hiss, face instantly turning scarlet, your thighs involuntarily clamping together as you relive the sordid encounter. "Keep your voice down will you?"

"Why? You think if we don't talk about this it's just gonna go away?"

You huff loudly, turning your face away, arms folding across your chest like you're trying to stop yourself from falling apart. In truth you are. You thought you'd be able to handle this better, that maybe staying away from Van would make your feelings lessen. It hasn't. If anything his absence has just strengthened them. Now he's sitting next to you, barely a foot away, you can feel that magnetic pull again. It's taking you all your restraint not to throw yourself across the gap in the seats and tangle your fingers in his hair.

"We can't do this anymore. It's got to stop! We can't do it to Larry. It'd devastate him."

"But he doesn't know a thing!" Van blurts and you swivel your head quickly to face him, incredulous.

"So that makes it alright does it? What? You just want to carry on sneaking around behind his back? Don't you feel guilty? Don't you feel... anything?"

Van opens his mouth to reply but the words don't come. His brow furrows and his face creases and he looks away, first down at his lap and then out the taxi window, studying the rain drops as they create rivulets on the glass.

Finally he speaks but his voice is quiet and you have to lean closer to hear over the taxi radio and the sound of the engine. "Of course I do..."

"I should think so too! He's your best friend Van... you've known him for years, you grew up together..."

"You don't have to tell me that," Van says, turning to look at you, his face twisted in anguish. "Of course I feel bad. I feel like bloody shit! He's always been there for me through thick and thin, the good times and the bad. When I first started to play the guitar I was crap, Billy only taught me four chords so every song sounded the same. We'd book a gig in a pub and two people'd turn up to watch us play. I felt like giving up sometimes, but Larry was always there, cheering me on, giving me a pep talk, telling me the lyrics were class even though the music were shite. He's me best mate and I love 'im."

You smile in spite of the dire situation. Larry has that affect on people. Hearing Van talk about him so fondly just makes you more determined to end this before things go too far. But he's not finished talking yet, and then he goes and drops the bombshell that's sure to bait you...

"But he's not perfect ya know... he's no angel himself!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" You snap back in shock.

"I'm just saying... he's not whiter than white. That's all."

Your mouth falls agape, stunned. This is typical Van, trying to wheedle his way out of a sticky situation by heaping blame on somebody else. You can feel your temper spark, swiftly rising as Van says nothing to elaborate, just looks back at you, shrugging awkwardly.

"You can't just say something like that without telling me what you mean! What the hell are you going on about?"

"I probably shouldn't say..." he trails off, eyes darting about shiftily before coming to rest on yours again.

"What the fuck Van?" You cry, exasperated. "Don't you dare try and make Larry out to be the bad guy here when you're the one who made a move on me!"

You're gobsmacked that he would stoop so low as to try and deflect his unscrupulous behaviour by making out that Larry's some kind of villain here. But it shouldn't surprise you. With an ego as big as Van's nothing's ever his fault.

"Just saying that maybe we're not the only ones sneaking around..."

WHAT?

You turn fully in your seat to face Van, stricken in more ways than one, your mind reeling. "Stop talking in fucking riddles and just spit it out will you? What do you mean?"

He holds your glare for a moment before sighing and shaking his head and you can feel another surge of frustration and anger welling up inside of you. You're positive that Van's just winding you up but there's a minuscule part of you that's on high alert, scrolling through possibilities.

"Just fucking tell me!" You shout, your hands balled into fists so hard you can feel your nails digging crescents into the flesh of your palms. If Van doesn't start talking soon you're going to swing at him, you're sure of it.

But then he does and all you want is for him to shut up.

"It's Larry... and Sophie... I think there's something going on. I keep catching them whispering stuff to each other. And the other day he went to pick her up from this party and she stayed over on the sofa and Larry didn't even come upstairs to bed all night. Honestly Y/N, they're acting dead suspicious, I'm positive they're shagging!"

Your heart sinks like a stone, heavy with disappointment and shock. Not Larry. Not your Larry. It can't be. He'd never cheat on you... Van must be mistaken.

Or maybe he's just trying to stir things up. That's it. He thinks he won't have to deal with the guilt of betraying his best friend if he can justify his appalling behaviour. He probably also thinks you'll completely abandon your morals and let him fuck you senseless in a fit of angry revenge.

"You're so full of shit!" You unleash on him. "I know that Larry picked up Sophie from the party if you must know because she told me about it. Why would she tell me if she had anything to hide, huh? She only called him as you wouldn't answer your bloody phone! I mean... do you have any proof? Have you actually caught them doing anything?"

Van's mouth opens and closes a few times in quick succession, no words coming out. That's enough proof for you.

"I know what you're doing Van and I'm not bloody stupid. Larry wouldn't cheat on me because he's a good guy. He's not a fucking snake like you!"

Even as you're spitting out the words you're aware that this whole mess certainly isn't entirely Van's fault and you're just as much to blame, but you can't help yourself. Being angry at Van is making ending this a whole lot easier. You could easily walk away from him and his lies and his deceitful nature right now and never look back. You could do better. So much better. In fact... what the fuck are you even still doing here...?

"Stop the cab!"

The words are out of your mouth before you've even processed the thought in your head and you lurch forward in your seat as the driver reacts quickly to your command and swings the car into the kerbside, slamming on the brakes.

"Are you sure everything's alright love? Do you need me to call someone?"

The driver's concerned voice drifts into the back but you don't stop to answer, you're too busy fumbling for the door handle and flinging the door open into the rain-drenched night.

"He'll pay!" You call as you swing the door closed, cutting off Van's protesting mid-sentence and whirling around to check your location. Thankfully you're close to the hotel now, and it's just as well as the rain seems to be driving down impossibly harder, slicking your hair to your face and soaking through your clothing which is sticking to you like a second skin.

You hug your arms tightly around yourself and peer through the downpour to discern which way to go, then you don't hesitate, launching yourself in the direction of the hotel.

This part of the city seems quiet for a Saturday night. It's a few streets away from the hustle and bustle of the main thoroughfare lined with bars and clubs and restaurants, so you can quite clearly hear the sound of a car door slamming before your name is called once, twice, then three times, getting louder and closer each time. Heavy footsteps slap on the pavement behind you until you feel a presence right behind you.

"Fuck's sake Y/N! You can't just run away from me like that!”

"Just watch me!"

You drop your head down even further, pushing yourself to walk quicker, but you can't outpace Van. Each of his long strides covers more ground than two of yours and you find that you're panting before long from the exertion, starting to wish that you'd just bit back your anger and stayed in the taxi. You're sure you look a mess, hair hanging limply in wet tendrils, mascara no doubt tracking down your face.

"Well I'm not going anywhere. We're gonna have this out tonight even if we've got to do it in front of everyone at the hotel. I'm past caring now!"

He's full of determination, his voice gruff, his body butting up against yours as he matches your pace. "Don't be ridiculous!" You scoff.

"I mean it! You're gonna have to face up to this one way or another!"

"Face up to what exactly?"

You look up at him then, squinting through the deluge, seeing the sharp edge of his features illuminated by a streetlight. His hand darts out to close around the top of your arm and he brings you to a stop, spinning you around to face him.

"That we're supposed to be together. I know you can feel it too!"

His words cut through you like shards of glass, threatening to sever your self-control that's hanging on by the finest thread. He steps even closer, his fingers wrapped firmly around your upper arms, his head dipped down close to yours. Too close. He peers at you through his rain-sodden locks, blue eyes fierce and full of determination.

It would be so easy to give in. Just close your eyes and lean in, feel his strong hands pulling you closer, his hungry lips devouring yours... but it's wrong... so wrong.

You just can't do it. You have to fight this.

"I don't fucking want you! When are you gonna get that through your head? I can't believe you'd stoop so low as to try and make me believe that Larry's cheating on me! You just can't bear the thought of someone actually turning you down for once, can you? Well, it's happening now. I'd never fuck you. Not even if you were the last man on earth. Larry is a hundred times the man that you'll ever be!"

Your voice cracks and you realise that you're swallowing down a sob. You watch your words reach him, see a flicker of hurt course through him but it's quickly chased away by defiance. He shakes his head, disbelieving, not one for giving up without a fight.

"You don't mean that..."

You pause, trying to compose yourself, steeling yourself against the yearning in his eyes, taking a deep breath before you deliver your next line.

"I do... it's over Van! Over! Finished!"

Then you're pulling away, wrenching yourself out of his grasp, stumbling on the rain-slicked pavement. The hotel's just up ahead, you can make out the glow of the reception area through the gloom. You start towards it, ignoring Van's pleas, diving through the automatic doors as soon as they slide open, not even knowing where you're supposed to be heading but just trying to get away.

The reception area's empty and you look around helplessly, eyes darting between the row of lifts over the far side and the stairwell. You've no way of knowing which room to head for and you have no intention of asking Van even though you can hear him approaching behind you.

You dig in your bag for your phone, bringing it out and jabbing the screen with shaking hands, bringing up Larry's contact and placing the call. Van brushes past you and comes to a stop by the lifts, leaning back against the wall, fixing you with a steady stare. You can see his jaw clenching, full of tension. You look down at the floor, willing Larry to answer.

"Come on... come on Larry. Just fucking pick up."

Your muttered words don't have the desired effect, even when you try a second and third time, the answerphone picking up each time. You roughly shove your phone back into your bag, defeated, looking across at Van.

"Maybe he's too busy having fun without you."

Van's words echo the exact same thought that had been scrolling through your head and you hate it, uttered with a hint of smugness that makes your already frayed temper flare even more.

"Fuck you Van," you hiss, watching him shrug nonchalantly as he reaches over to press the lift call button. "And if you think I'm getting in that lift with you..."

"What's the problem?" He blurts, cutting you off as the lift door slides open. "It's over, isn't it? You just said so."

You go to protest until you realise that you're no longer alone in the reception area, a small group of smartly dressed elderly folk eyeing you and Van warily as they gather behind you, waiting for a lift.

Van drops his voice to a whisper, leaning in and indicating the awaiting lift carriage with an outstretched hand. "Well? You getting in then or are ya gonna cause a scene?"

Your eyes dart to the crowd behind you, then back to Van who's looking at you expectantly. Your heart's already pounding at the thought of the two of you alone in a confined space, but what choice do you have? You have no idea which floor you're heading to and you're starting to hear murmurs behind you, a barely disguised tut of annoyance as you linger, hesitantly, holding everyone up.

So you slip past Van, stepping into the small carriage, taking a spot as far as you can from the door, stiffening as Van steps in and takes his place right behind you, unnervingly close. He reaches for the control panel, pushing a button and you stare straight ahead, dismayed that there's no escape from looking at him in the mirrored compartment. You can see him there right behind you, piercing eyes burning into yours with an intent that makes your knees feel weak.

And then the door slides shut.