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requiemforthepoets · 3 months ago

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he drives me crazy, it’s so beyond me 𖦹 LN4

PAIRINGS: lando norris x fewtrell!reader

SUMMARY: you’ve been hating on lando for a very long time now, since you were kids to be exact. only to realize that those hatred is only a mask for what you truly feel for him.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: i’ve been on a slump lately, have so many works unfinished but i don’t really have the drive to finish them lol but my break from uni is near, so maybe i’ll get the motivation to finish all of it. for the meantime, hope you’ll enjoy this one! :)

REMINDER: this is purely fiction, the way how the character is portrayed in my story does not reflect the person that is portraying my character in real life. always separate fiction from reality, and do not repost or copy my work in any way.

WORD COUNT: 3.3k

WARNINGS: typos, cursing, and playboy lando

Growing up being Max’s younger sister meant that you were always surrounded by his friends, and none of them irritated you more than Lando Norris. From the very beginning, something about Lando rubbed you off the wrong way. Though you had never understood why, there was something—an inexplicable annoyance that only grew stronger with time.

As kids, you tolerated him, well mainly because Max adored him and that they are racing karts together. You can’t just tell Max to stay away from Lando for no apparent reason, that would make look like an absolute ass. But as you all grew up, Lando’s behavior began to infuriate you even more, and it just got worse when he got to F1. He began dating girls and moving on as quickly as the seasons changed, never seeming to care about the trail of broken hearts he left behind. It wasn’t just his carefree attitude towards relationships or life in general; it was the way he would tease you every fucking chance he gets. If you tripped over a pebble or on air, he’d make a joke about it. Making fun of every little thing that he would notice about you. You just couldn’t stand it, and you couldn’t stand him and his whole existence.

But somewhere along the line, something strange started to happen. With all the teasing and eye rolls, you found yourself paying a little too much attention to him. Too much for your liking. It was almost as if you were noticing the first time how his aquamarine eyes sparkled everytime he laughed, or how his curly hair seemed to suit him perfectly. It made you mad—so fucking mad that you wanted to scream. How could you, of all people, start to like Lando Norris? Your public enemy number one.

Then the realization hit you like a shit ton of bricks. You were developing a massive crush on the one person you were supposed to hate. Surprised by the sudden realization, and you being you, instead of acknowledging it, you decided to bury it deep down, covering it with even more layers of loathing. If he said something stupid, which he always does, you’d snap back at him twice as hard. If he smiled that cocky grin, you’d glare daggers at him. But inside, your heart would be pounding, and it drove you crazy. It’s pretty much a fucking miracle that you have been able to stay sane.

One day, after a particularly annoying comment from Lando about your choice of outfit, you finally snapped. “You know, Lando, if I wanted your opinion, I’d ask for it. But I didn’t, so why don’t you just keep your mouth shut for once?” Then you rolled his eyes at him. You’re going out today, you don’t need this kind of negativity. “Besides, don’t you have your own fucking house? Why are you even here?”

Lando grinned, clearly enjoying how riled up you were. “I’m just saying, those shoes look like something a hobo would wear.”

You groaned in frustration. “God, you’re such an asshole, Norris! Do you ever stop to think before you speak?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” He shot back, winking at you.

You felt your cheeks flush, and not from anger. You wanted to punch him, but at the same time, there was this insane urge to grab him by the collar and kiss him just to shut him up. But instead, you turned on your heel and stormed out of the room, muttering under your breath about how he was the most annoying person on the planet.

But then there were those moments when you saw the other side of Lando, the one that made your heart ache in a way you couldn’t even fucking explain. Like the time when he won his first race in Miami. The whole crowd erupted in cheers, everyone was celebrating his win and you found yourself smiling as he won his first race, a huge smile on his face as he celebrated. Your first instinct was to run up to him and give him a hug and tell him how proud you were. But then, almost immediately, you wanted to wrap your hands around his neck for making you feel this way. He had a unique talent for pushing all your buttons, and yet, no one could make you feel the way he did.

After the race, you all went out to celebrate, and as usual, Lando couldn’t resist teasing you. “Come on, admit it, you were impressed, weren’t you?”

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t stop the small smile from tugging at the corners of your lips. “You were okay, I guess,” you said nonchalantly.

“Okay? Just okay?” Lando feigned hurt, clutching his chest dramatically. “I expected more from my biggest hater.”

“Well, don’t expect me to start fangirling over you now,” you shot back, though your heart wasn’t really in it.

Lando just playfully winked at you, and excused himself, walking away and waving at someone else. You couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to admit it. To finally confess that maybe the reason why you hated Lando so much was because you love him in a way that no one else could. But you quickly dismissed that thought, shaking your head. There was no way you’d ever let him know how much he affected you. Not when he had the power to break your heart with a single word.

As the night went on, you couldn’t help but steal glances at him. He was the center of attention, as always, and yet, for a moment, his eyes caught yours, and he smiled. Not a teasing grin that he would always send your way, but a genuine, warm smile. It made your stomach do flips, and you quickly looked away, mentally cursing yourself for being so weak.

In the middle of the night, you found yourself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying the day’s events in your mind. You hated how he could get under your skin so easily, how he made you feel things you didn’t want to feel. It was maddening, infuriating, it drives you nuts, and yet…you couldn’t stop thinking about him. How was it possible to love and hate someone so much at the same time? You didn’t know. You don’t have an answer for the lingering questions in your mind and it drove you crazy.

“Why him?” You whispered to yourself that night, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. “Out of all the fucking people in the world, why does it have to be him?”

You knew Lando could be a major asshole, but somehow, he was your asshole. No one else could make you feel this crazy mix of anger, frustration, and affection all at once, and despite all the annoyance, deep down, you knew you loved him. It made you mad, and yet, in some twisted way, it also made sense. No one else could make your heart race like Lando did, that can make you feel so alive, so frustrated, so utterly confused—and most importantly, no else could break your heart like Lando Norris, and you were beginning to think that maybe, you didn’t want anyone else to.

It has been three months since Lando’s first win, but the tension between the two of you hadn’t eased. In fact, it felt like it was growing stronger, pulling you into a confusing spiral of emotions. It was one of those days that you were grateful enough that you were back in uni, and have to forget about him even for a short period of time.

Though it didn’t last long, you can’t stay and hide in uni forever. So here you were, officially back home for a break, and you decided to stay at Max’s for the time being. Prior to arriving from uni, Max had already asked you if you wanted to come with them on their holiday trip, but you passed on it, making up some silly excuse and wanting to get the rest you need since you haven’t had the proper rest back when you were in uni. You wanted to avoid being in the same place with him as much as possible, you definitely don’t trust yourself to keep up the charade of hating him when your heart was screaming the exact opposite.

It was when they’re already back from their trip, and as usual, Lando is at Max’s place. You found yourself in exactly in the situation you’d been dreading. Max had invited Lando over to help him with something, and you figured you could just stay in your room, far away from the inevitable teasing from him. But when Max suddenly had to leave to deal with some urgent matter, you were stuck. It was just you and Lando, alone in the living room, with a show neither of you cared about playing in the background.

Lando being Lando, of course he wasted no time in getting into your nerves. “So, how long are you planning to hide up there?” He asked, his tone annoyingly casual as he sprawled out on the couch.

“I was not hiding,” you retorted, focusing on your phone and pretending he wasn’t there.

“Sure, you’re not,” he said with a smirk. “You’ve been acting pretty weird lately. You didn’t even come to the trip that we invited you on. Is everything alright?”

You nearly choked on your words. How could you even begin to explain what was wrong—that you were utterly terrified of how much you liked him? That every time he teased you, your heart skipped a beat instead of fuming with anger? That you couldn’t fucking stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.

“Everything’s fine,” you lied, hoping he couldn’t see the turmoil behind your eyes. God, you just wanted for this conversation to end or better yet, wishing for the ground to swallow you whole right then and there.

“Uh-huh,” Lando said, clearly unconvinced. He leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. “You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”

Your heart thudded painfully in your chest. “Oh my god, why do you even care?” You shot back defensively. “You’re just here to annoy me, right? So why don’t you just go call someone and bother them instead?”

Lando’s smirk faded slightly, and he studied you with an intensity that made you uncomfortable. “You think I just want to annoy you?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed, frustrated by his persistent questioning. “That’s what you’ve always done ever since, isn’t it?”

Lando shook his head, looking more serious than you’d ever seen him. “No. Not really.”

The shift in his demeanor threw you off balance. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He hesitated, running a hand through his beautiful curly hair that you want to touch so badly. “It means that maybe I didn’t just do it to annoy you. Maybe there was another reason.”

You blinked, your mind racing to keep up. “What reason?”

Lando sighed, leaning back on the couch and staring at the ceiling. “God, this is harder than I thought,” he muttered to himself before finally looking at you. “Look, I’ve known you since forever. Yeah, I used to tease you because you were Max’s younger sister and it was fun. But somewhere along the way, it wasn’t just about teasing anymore. I think I did it because…I didn’t know how else to get your attention.”

Your breath caught in your throat. “What are you saying, Lando?”

“I’m saying that maybe I’ve had a crush on you for a while now,” he admitted, his voice quieter than usual. “And I’ve been acting like an idiot because to be fairly honest, I didn’t know how to deal with it.”

You stared at him in utter shock, your brain struggling to process what he’d just said. All this time, you thought your feelings were unrequited, that he was just being his usual annoying self, but now, everything was different. The anger, the frustration, the confusion—it all made sense now.

“I…I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, still reeling from his confession. “Honestly.”

Lando smiled softly, a hint of nervousness in his expression. “You don’t have to say anything, I just want you to know. I get it if you don’t feel the same way, or if you’re too mad at me for being a jerk all these years. But I wanted to be completely honest with you for once.”

The room was silent for a moment, the air thick with tension and unspoken words. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. “Lando, I—“

But before you could finish, Lando suddenly stood up, crossing the room in a few quick strides. “You know what? I can’t fucking take it anymore.” And with that, he grabbed your face in his hands and kissed you, pulling you into a kiss that was both urgent and tender at the same time.

For a split second, you were too shocked to respond. But then, your body seemed to take over, and you found yourself kissing back, all the frustration and anger melting away in the warmth of his embrace. It felt like everything you’d been holding back, all the mixed emotions you’d been burying, finally broke free. When Lando finally pulled back, you were both breathless, staring at each other in stunned silence.

“Why did you do that?” You asked, your voice shaky.

“Because I’ve wanting to do it for a long fucking time,” Lando admitted, his thumb gently brushing your cheek. “And because I couldn’t stand the thought of you hating me for real.”

You shook your head, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I don’t hate you, Lando. I…I think I might be falling for you, and it’s terrifying to tell you honestly.”

Lando grinned, his usual cocky demeanor returning. “Well, that’s a relief. Because I’m pretty sure I’m falling for you too.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, the tension between you dissolving into something warmer, something that felt a lot like hope.

“You’re still an asshole, though.”

“And you’re still a pain in the ass,” Lando shot back, his grin widening.

This time, there was no venom behind your words, no hidden frustration like it was used to. Instead, there was a new understanding between you—a mutual acknowledgment that maybe the thing you’d both been fighting against all these years was exactly what you needed. When Lando leaned in to kiss you again, you realized that no one else could make your heart race like he did, and no one else could make you as crazy or as happy.

However, Lando’s confession and that unexpected kiss did leave you feeling more confused as ever. As much as you wanted to believe in the moment, in the warmth of his touch and softness of his lips, a familiar fear gnawed at the back of your mind. After all, this is Lando Norris that you’re talking about—the guy who seemed to switch girlfriends at lightning speed. You’d seen him charm his way through countless girls, only to move on without any second thought. The idea of being just another name on his list made your chest tighten with fear and anxiety.

As you sat still, still close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body, Lando looked at you with a hopeful expression, waiting for you to say something. But instead of responding with the excitement that was bubbling up inside you, all you could think about were the stories, the rumors, and the heartbreaks you’d witnessed.

“Lando,” you began, moving away slightly, creating a small but significant distance between you and him on the couch. “I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

“Why not?” His smile faltered, concern creeping into his eyes.

You bit your lip, trying to find the right words that won’t hurt him. “Because…” you trailed off, “I know you, Lando. I know your way with girls. Yes, I can’t deny the fact that you’re very charming and sweet when you want to be, but the way you get bored and move on quickly scares me. I…I don’t think I can handle being just another girl you get tired of.” You breathed out.

Lando’s expression softened, and he reached out to take your hand, but you hesitated. He noticed this right away and dropped his hand to his side.

“I get why you’d think that. I haven’t exactly been the most reliable guy when it comes to relationships, am I?” You nodded and he chuckled, “but this…this is different.”

“Is it?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “Or are you just saying that because I’m here and it’s convenient?”

Lando shook his head, gaze so intense that you might melt and turn into a puddle any second. “It’s not like that, I promise. I know I’ve messed up before, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone. You’re not just another girl, and I’m not just saying that. I’m really serious about you.”

You wanted to believe him, you really did. But the fear of getting your heart broken, of being left behind like so many others, made it hard to fully trust his words.

“But what if you get bored? What if this is just a phase for you, and once you’ve had your fun, you move on to someone else?”

He looked at you with an earnestness that you weren’t used to seeing him. “I can’t blame you for being scared. But the truth is, I’m scared too. I’m scared because I’ve never wanted someone so much, something to work out this badly. I don’t want to mess this up. I know I have a reputation, but I don’t want that to be who I am with you. I want to be better—for you.”

You stared at him, your heart warring with your head. Could he really mean what he was saying? Was it possible that he could change, that you could be the one he was serious about? But even as the doubts swirled around you, there was a part of you that desperately wanted to take the leap, to believe that maybe this could be different.

“I don’t know if I can handle getting hurt,” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that.”

Lando took a deep breath, his expression sincere. “I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect, but I can promise that I’ll try my best not to hurt you.” He said, tucking a few strands of your hair behind your ear, “I care about you too much to let that happen. But if you don’t want to take the risk, I’ll understand. I’ll back off if that’s what you want.”

You could see the honesty in his eyes, the vulnerability he rarely showed. It made your heart ache, knowing that he was giving you the power to decide where this would go. It would be easy to walk away, to protect yourself from the possibility of pain. But then again, what if he was telling the truth, what if this was real.

“No, I don’t want you to back off,” you finally said, your voice steady despite the nerves twisting in your stomach. ��But I need time, Lando. I need to see that you’re serious before I can let myself fall for you completely.”

Lando nodded, relief washing over his face. “I’ll give you all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

You smiled, feeling a bit of the tension ease, though the uncertainty still lingered. “Good. Because I’m not sure I could handle it if you did.”

As the two of you sat side by side on the couch, the show was still playing in the background, the atmosphere between you had shifted. There was no rush, no need to force anything. It was just the two of you, slowly navigating the complicated mess of emotions that came with falling for someone who scared you as much as they made you feel alive, and maybe that this was the start of something real.

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retroellie · 10 months ago

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Polluted

Summary: After a long day of work, Spencer comes home and fucks his stresses away.

A/N: This was written in literally 45 minutes but I had this idea and I couldn't make it into a full fic, my mind could only think of the smut part lmao. Enjoy!!! :)

Warnings: NSFW, slapping, degradation, squirting, unprotected sex, mean!spencer

Word count: 1.9K

Prison changed Spencer Reid, plain and simple. This is not the man you came to love. He was cruel, possessive, completely and utterly damaged. You hoped that prison wouldn't taint Spencer too much, you hoped that he would continue to be sweet little Dr. Spencer Reid. But you knew what prison could do to a person, for you locked people up daily. You knew that the system would take Spencer's old soul and soft heart into its muddy hands, squeezing them until they became one. Although sometimes in the right lighting, in the right moment, you can see a hint of Spencer in his light brown eyes.

You can't say that you hated the change in Spencer, obviously there was much work to be done before Spencer could truly be himself again. However, you could live with this change. He was hungry, feeling as though your body was the only thing that could fill that hunger. It was extremely attractive to you, his sudden hunger for you. Spencer was always using you, using your body or your mouth or your hands... just you. There was always an excuse for him to be inside of you in his mind. A man thought of looking at you? He bent you over the kitchen table. You wore a shirt that showed a bit of your chest? He dragged you into the bathroom and forced you onto your knees. You smiled at him? He would shove his face between your thighs until you couldn't even see straight.

Even on the way back home after he had gotten out of prison, he bent you over the backseat on the side of the road and fucked you roughly. It felt like you were stepping on eggshells every time around him because you never know what can set him off... it was oddly scandalous, almost arousing as the thought of how he'd fuck you next was always on your mind. A big plus was that spencer dug himself into your brain, pulling out your deepest and darkest kinks, and using them to give you earth-shattering, mind-blowing, life-changing orgasms. Now you don't think you two could ever go back to just plain sex. He had ruined you, ruined your body so much that only the thought of being hurt could get you off now.

"Fucking bitch..." Spencer spat out, his hand spreading your legs further open as his cock drilled into your soaked cunt. "That bitch looked at me like I was fucking stupid..."

His words came out breathy and jagged as he fucked into you at an animalistic pace. Spencer came home today upset, his tie being ripped off and thrown down as soon as he got into the door. You knew something was up by this action, but also the look on his face. He seemed to have a frown sewn onto his face, something that he wore most days. You asked what was wrong but you were met with him ripping off your clothes, hinting that he didn't want to talk but to fuck his frustrations into you. Now here you were, panties ripped off, legs wide open, Spencer deep inside you with his hand placed on your neck.

You couldn't tell how many times you came just in this position alone, you couldn't keep count. His hand gripped your through, affecting the way your brain functioned. You felt with every thrust of Spencer's hips you would lose brain cells... creating the dumb cock whore that Spencer ached to achieve. Spencer's hand applied more pressure to your throat as he thought of what happened at work, how while section chief Erin Strauss critiqued his work, people were being murdered.

"As if my 187 IQ wasn't enough for her." He started, his hand on your thigh being slammed down past your face and into the wooden table he was drilling you into. " I mean, I've been at this place for over 10 years... I know what I'm fucking doing"

You came again, not able to keep yourself from unraveling now. His hand on your throat was constricting your moans, completely silencing them as the only thing that could come out of your mouth was soft gurgles. You loved this feeling, knowing that at any moment if you didn't like it you could alert Spencer and he'd stop immediately. I guess you could say that Spencer's care for you never disappeared after prison, he would go on to say that it strengthened his love for you. He had this picture of you that you had sent him in one of your many letters, he kept it with him everywhere he went for it was the only thing that kept him sane.

One time a fellow inmate saw it, snatched it from him, and digested every single inch of you. He went on to explain the disgusting things he would do to you if he got the chance, that is exactly why Spencer came home to fuck you nice and good every night. Because if he wasn't the one to do it, he knew that other people would take you for granted, they would spend only minutes with you... ignoring what you needed and taking what they wanted. You would feel incomplete, unsatisfied, and completely in denial that love existed. You would assume love was only made for books and movies, that no one could show you the love you deserved. This is the love you deserve. You deserve a love that could have you coming undone over and over again, a harsh and mean kind of love but that always ended with soft kisses and a nice hot bath. A love that was sour at first but ended sweet, making sure that the words "i love you" were carved onto your skin.

"You wouldn't do that would you?" He whispered into your ear, his grip on your throat as he waited for your response. " You don't think I'm stupid ...hmm?"

His cock was too deep inside you, it was deep enough to have you going cross-eyed and unable to speak. Your moans became audible now, no longer being stuck in your throat due to his pressure being released. His pace was still inhumanly fast, not stopping even for a second. The table had started to shit forward, being scrapped across the floor and probably worrying the downstairs neighbors. You were on the verge of cumming again, your mind not even able to comprehend his question until you felt a harsh sting on your cheek. Spencer had slapped you across the face, growing impatient while waiting for your answer.

"Answer me...." He hissed out, leaning down and taking his lips to yours. He bit down on your lip, creating a pain that shot through your body. "Or I'm going to make you cum over and over and over again until you can't think of anything else besides my cock deep inside your tight little pussy..."

You could taste blood now, your lip bleeding and seeping into your mouth. His words created this deep, rough knot in your stomach. It wasn't like the rest of the orgasms you had tonight, no it was more intense. It hurt, painful with every thrust of his cock. It created a deep pain and pleasure dynamic in your body but felt like something was trying to claw itself out of your body.

"Fuck..." You screamed out, grabbing onto him and digging your fingernails into his back. "No I wouldn't! Fuck... I wouldn't! I won't!"

You finally replied, hoping with those words he would deepen his thrust if that was even possible. Spencer just grinned down at you, placing his head in between your shoulder blade and your neck. He set soft kisses to the skin, his warm lips against your burning skin. Spencer was close, your words pushing him further to the edge. The feeling inside your stomach didn't stop or dull, it only got worse. You were screaming now, Spencer's hand lingering on your neck but sitting gently on your skin. Spencer picked up his speed, the table scraping against the floor even harder.

You couldn't handle it, everything around you becoming so far away yet being so close. The feeling got to a point of feeling terrifyingly painful but also so potent of pleasure and so bewitching that you didn't want it to end now. A couple more of Spencer's deep and harsh thrusts sent you over the edge, the painful knot in your stomach snapping and shooting liquid out of your body. It was the first time you had ever squirted, the feeling so glorious that you wished it would happen every time. Your vision went out, only seeing light and hearing Spencer's soft moans as he finished inside of you. The world felt like it ended, nothing to be seen or to be experienced... just emptiness but complete fullness all at the same time.

"Good girl..." You heard Spencer's words echo through your now-empty mind. You couldn't tell if your eyes were closed or not. "You did so good for me honey... I'm so proud of you."

Those single words were all you needed to hear as you floated back to earth and into your body, you blinked a couple times... forgetting where and who you were for a split second. You came back to see Spencer brushing your hair back from your sweaty face, his face inches from yours as his face filled with concern that maybe he had broken you finally.

"There she is..." He chuckled softly, kissing your lips softly. " There's my girl..."

You gave him a weak smile, raise your hand to rest on his cheek. You rubbed it softly, feeling the growing stubble on his face. He was just as sweaty as you, his body hot to the touch. You two probably looked insane, one of you barely able to walk looking beat the hell up and the other one scratched up and drenched with liquids. Spencer gently slid himself out of you, watching you wince softly as it felt like he was connected to you at this point.

"Sorry..." He whispered, taking your hand in his as he rubbed your thigh gently "I was too rough huh?"

Rough was not even close to what Spencer was. He was brutal, sadistic, barbaric but you couldn't deny that you would choose it over compassion any day. You began to think that maybe prison was the best thing that could've happened to Spencer Reid, not only was he a genius but he now had a powerful glow to him. Shy kisses and longing gazes were a thing of the past for you two, Spencer knew what he wanted and he was going to get it.

"You were just rough enough..." I chuckled, feeling nothing but content and at peace in this moment.

Spencer laughed with you, pecking your lips one last time before pulling away from you. He looked around, his eyes landing on the couch. He smiled, walking over and leaving you but only for a second. He came back with a blanket, wrapping it around you then picking you up bridal style. You thanked him silently because you knew there was no way you were getting off the table without some kind of help.

"To the bath you go..." He joked, holding you close to him as he walked you to your shared bathroom.

You looked into his eyes and at the right lighting, the right moment, you looked into his light brown eyes... realizing that this is Spencer Reid. This is Spencer Reid damaged, polluted, and bruised... but it was still the man you fell in love with all those years ago.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #matthew gray gubler

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janiehellion · 3 months ago

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Breaking Through

ONESHOT

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Daryl’s reckless behavior on a supply run nearly gets him killed, pushing you to remind him how to stay humble. Little did you know, his attitude was hiding something much deeper that only you could break through.

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: DARYL DIXON X FEM!READER

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: MOMMY KINK / SMUT / BODY WORSHIP / ORAL SEX / EDGING / TEASING / HURT / COMFORT / AFTERCARE / LANGUAGE

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 7.799

ꜱᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ: LATE S5 & EARLY S6

ʀᴇǫᴜᴇꜱᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ: @mayday2007

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ's ��ᴏᴛᴇ: I truly hope I did your request justice! I also hope that the length of it is okay and that it met your expectations. And thank you so much for your patience!

MASTERLIST & REQUEST GUIDELINES

You leaned against the porch, one of the few spots in Alexandria that didn’t make you want to rip your hair out. It all felt too damn clean sometimes, too fake even. Here, it was easy to forget how the world had gone to shit, but... Daryl? He never let himself forget. He was walking around by the gate, looking like an animal waiting for a fight, and you knew why...

Rick and a few others were getting ready for a run—another trip outside the safe walls to scavenge for supplies. But more than that, it was an excuse for Daryl to escape the suffocation of Alexandria. He’d rather be out there with the walkers than in here, playing pretend.

"Daryl," you called out, and he stopped pacing and turned to face you, his eyes narrowing like he was already preparing for a lecture from you.

"What?" He grunted, sounding as defensive as ever. He was always on alert these days, and it was only getting worse since you arrived in Alexandria.

"Listen," you started, stepping down from the porch and running toward him as he prepared to leave. "I know you hate this place, and I understand; I really do, but you need to keep your head on straight out there. You’re not just out there for yourself. You’ve got Rick, Glenn, and Michonne with you today. You fuck anything up; they could get hurt too. Please, just be careful."

He looked away, scuffing his boot against the ground like a stubborn child who didn’t want to hear what you were saying. "Ain’t no damn kid. Can handle myself," he growled back at you.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. This wasn’t the first time you’d had this conversation, and it sure as hell wouldn’t be the last. "You might be able to handle yourself, sure, and we all know that you are more than capable of doing that, but that doesn’t mean you can act reckless. You need to listen to Rick, do what he says, and stop acting like a damn brat. You keep pulling this shit, and one of these days, it’s gonna bite you in the ass. Literally."

Daryl clenched his jaw and scoffed, and for a moment, you thought he might actually argue with you. But then he just shook his head. "Yer done now?"

"No, Daryl, I’m not done," you snapped back, feeling your frustration grow and almost boil over. "I’m tired of watching you do this bullshit, okay? We’re all trying to make this work, and you’re out there acting like you’ve got a death wish. We’ve lost too many people already, and I’m not about to lose you or anyone else because you couldn’t keep your damn self in check."

For a second, you saw something like vulnerability, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. He looked away again, like he was trying to block out your words, not wanting to listen to you.

"Just... think about what I said, okay?" You said, the tone in your voice softening slightly. You didn’t want to push him too hard, but you couldn’t just let this slide again all the time. "I’m not trying to piss you off, Daryl. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. We all need you to come back. I... I need you to come back."

He didn’t say anything; he just gave you a nod before finally turning away. But as you watched him walk toward Rick, you couldn’t ignore the feeling that something bad was going to happen on this run.

Rick was already waiting by the gate, his hands on his hips as he looked around Alexandria. He seemed to be tired, but when he saw you approaching as well, he gave you a small smile.

"Did you talk to him?" Rick asked, his voice whispering, so only you could hear.

"Yeah," you replied, glancing over at Daryl, who was busy playing around with his knife. "But you know how he is. Stubborn as hell."

Rick laughed a little, but there was no real humor in it. "Yeah. Isn't that the truth? Don’t worry, I'll keep an eye on him while we’re out there, alright? If he does something stupid..."

"You'll make sure he doesn’t," you interrupted, not needing him to finish the sentence.

"Alright. Got it. We’ll be back before you know it," Rick said, louder now and turning to the gate as it opened, and Glenn arrived with the car. "We’re heading out. Stay close, keep quiet, and don’t take any unnecessary risks. We get what we need, and we get back. That's it."

You watched as Daryl took his crossbow and walked with Rick and the others over to the truck. You were worried, sure, but you forced yourself to stay calm. This was Daryl Dixon, after all. He was tough, he was resourceful, and he’d been through far worse than this. But still, there was that uncomfortable feeling in the back of your mind, the one that told you things weren’t going to go smoothly today.

Rick took Daryl aside in the meantime. "Listen, Daryl. We stick to the plan, and we get back without any extra bullshit. You got that?"

Daryl glared at Rick but didn’t say anything. You knew that look; it was the one that said he was going to do what he wanted anyway.

With that, Rick and the others—Glenn and Michonne, in this case—headed out, leaving you in Alexandria with the rest of the group.

You turned away, heading back to the house, but your thoughts were still with Daryl. You just hoped he’d listen to you for once, or rather, Rick. Because if he didn’t, you weren’t sure you’d be able to forgive him—or yourself—if something went wrong.

The truck stopped at the side of a parking lot some time later. Abandoned cars were standing around all over the place, with their windows shattered and rotting corpses still sitting in some of them. It was a graveyard. Rick turned off the engine and looked over to the building, his face already showing that things were about to get rough.

"This place is full of walkers," Rick mumbled, looking around the area. "Okay… We get in, we get out. No fucking around. Got it?"

Everyone nodded, even Daryl, though the look in his eyes told a different story. Alexandria was killing him slowly, suffocating him with its safety and daily routine, and one could see he was just waiting to break free, to remind himself what it felt like to be out there again, in the real world, and not living in an illusion.

"Stick together," Rick continued, his eyes narrowing at Daryl like he could read his mind. "We’re hitting that grocery store, grabbing what we can, and getting the hell out. Nothing else, no bullshit."

Daryl grunted in response, his hand tightening around his crossbow. He wasn’t making any promises; that was clear enough, but at least he wasn’t outright showing it. That would have to be good enough. The four of them got out of the truck, their weapons ready, and slowly made their way toward the store. It looked like it had been raided a few times already, but Rick had heard from Aaron that a shipment had been left behind in the storage rooms—lots of canned food, water, and even medicine inside the small pharmacy of the store, locked up in the back, just waiting to be taken. Easy, if they played it safe.

Of course, playing it safe had not been Daryl’s way of doing it lately, not when his blood was boiling, and especially not since the prison, Terminus, and the other hell everyone went through. And especially not ever since Alexandria.

They went through the side entrance, which was once for the people that had worked there, the glass doors hanging off their hinges, and one could easily guess how most of the walkers got into the store in the first place, apart from those walkers that’ve died inside while scavenging. The inside of the store was pure chaos, with broken shelves, rotten food, and other empty products all across the floor. They moved quietly as Rick led the way, his Colt Python out and ready as always, Glenn close behind with his knife drawn, and Michonne with her sword, while Daryl was at the end, pointing his crossbow around as well. They soon made it to the back of the store, where the stockroom doors were, without drawing any attention so far.

"Alright," Rick whispered, motioning for the others to cover him. "Glenn and I will try to open the door. Michonne, watch our backs. Daryl, you—"

But before Rick could finish, Daryl was already moving. He didn’t like waiting, didn’t like standing around while others decided what to do, or having to wait for a plan. Without a word, he went off to the right, disappearing down one of the side aisles, his crossbow at the ready.

"Daryl!" Rick hissed, but there was no stopping him.

"Shit," Glenn grumbled in a bit of annoyance and panic, his eyes looking at Rick. "Where the hell is he going? What is he doing?"

Rick shook his head in frustration. "Just... just stay here," he ordered before walking after Daryl, cursing to himself with every step.

Daryl moved fast, his crossbow raised as he approached the loading dock at the back of the store from another side. He could hear the sounds of walkers moving behind the metal door, but this was exactly what he was looking for. He shoved the door open with a grunt, with the door making a noise that could be heard all throughout the whole store.

The walkers inside turned at the sound, and they immediately moved forward, their arms outstretched.

"C’mon, ya ugly bastards," Daryl mumbled, the first bolt killing the nearest walker in an instant. The walker fell to the ground, but the others kept coming.

He reloaded quickly, but just as he was about to fire again, a hand grabbed his shoulder, pulling him off balance. He hadn’t noticed the few other walkers, hidden in an open employee restroom nearby, their fingers grabbing his vest with their teeth only inches away from his face.

"Fuck!" Daryl growled, kicking the walker in front of him back and grabbing his knife. But he soon stumbled, falling down to the floor with the two of them on top of him. The impact knocked the knife from his hands, letting it slide across the floor, just out of reach, as he struggled to push the walkers off.

Then, just as the walkers’ teeth were about to bite into his flesh, several gunshots could be heard. Daryl gasped for breath, shoving the dead off him as he got to his feet, his heart racing while he looked over at Rick standing in the doorway with his Colt Python.

"You stupid son of a bitch," Rick said, lowering the gun. "What the hell were you even thinking?"

Daryl wiped the blood from his face, glaring at Rick but not saying a single word. He didn’t need to—he knew he’d fucked up, and Rick certainly knew it too.

But Rick didn’t wait for an explanation. "We need to hurry. Get your damn ass back to the truck. Now!"

For now, Daryl didn’t argue. He grabbed his crossbow and knife, putting it over his shoulder as he moved past Rick and over to Glenn and Michonne. He could feel Rick’s eyes on his back, judging him, and it took everything in him not to lash out. But he knew Rick was right. He’d been reckless, and it had nearly cost him his life. Not only that, but the supply run failed with the other walkers in the front of the store now moving toward the storage room.

Once outside, Daryl couldn’t ignore the thought that he’d fucked up more than just the run. He’d broken the trust, not just with Rick but with you. And he knew he’d have to face the consequences when he got back.

The sun was starting to set when you saw Rick and the others coming through the gate. You’d been waiting, walking around Alexandria, trying to distract yourself. But the deal had been clear—Rick would bring Daryl back in one piece and tell you every detail. But the moment you caught sight of Rick, you knew something had gone wrong. It was written all over his face, as was the fact that they had no supplies with them.

"Rick," you called out, running over to him.

He looked up at you, nodding and narrowing his eyes. You hated that look. It meant bad news, and you were tired of bad news.

"What happened?" You demanded as he walked next to you. "Where’s Daryl?"

"He’s fine," Rick said, holding up a hand to calm you down, though it didn’t do shit for your nerves. "I don't know where he is right now. Jumped right out of the truck. Physically, he’s okay. But, hell, it was close. Too close. Again."

Your stomach dropped at his words. This was getting out of hand. "What do you mean, 'close'?"

Rick rubbed the back of his neck, looking away for a moment. "We were in that store Aaron told us about, wanting to get the supplies. Daryl decided to go off on his own, like he always does lately. Didn’t wait for us as a backup, just did his own thing. Not even telling us that there was an easier way and that he has seen it. Next thing I know, he’s nearly got two walkers biting into his damn neck."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You asked, your hands balling into fists at your sides. "I told him—hell, we both told him so many times—not to pull that lone wolf bullshit anymore! And he still did it? I can’t fucking believe it!"

Rick nodded. "Yeah. Same old Daryl, too stubborn for his own good. I got there in time, but if I hadn’t... well, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now."

You sucked in a breath, trying to calm the rage inside you. But it was hard—damn hard—when you pictured Daryl almost getting himself killed because he couldn’t follow simple instructions. "What the hell is wrong with him, Rick? Why does he keep doing this shit? Is Alexandria that bad for him? I mean, yeah, we all aren’t used to this... illusion, but hell, we’re at least trying to make the best of it! All of us!"

Rick sighed, leaning against the porch railing once you both arrived at the house. "I don’t think it’s only about Alexandria, not entirely. But yeah, it’s too controlled, too... fake. So he goes out there, trying to prove he’s still... still who he was out there. But it’s not like none of us tries the exact same thing. We all do. Or did."

You shook your head in frustration. "I get it; I do. But we can’t keep going on like this. He’s going to get himself killed—or worse, get someone else hurt. I’m fucking done sitting around, hoping he’ll pull his head out of his damn ass!"

Rick looked at you with a small smile. "By now I was thinking the same thing on the way back. We’ve tried to talk sense into him, but he isn’t listening. He’s too stubborn."

"That’s it," you finally said. "I’m handling this. If he won’t listen to you, maybe he’ll finally listen to me. But one way or another, this shit stops today, I swear."

Rick’s eyebrows moved up in surprise before he nodded slowly. "You sure? I don’t think you should push him into a corner."

You smirked, but it was more due to annoyance than amusement. "Oh, I’m sure. He’s going to learn today that there’s more than one way to get his damn ass in line. Trust me, Rick. Otherwise… Otherwise, I just don’t know what to do anymore."

Rick laughed a little and shook his head. "Alright then. Just don’t go too hard on him. And you must remember that it takes time. With… all of this."

You waved him off, already halfway down the steps of the porch. "He’ll be fine, Rick."

As you headed toward the garage, where you knew Daryl was probably working on his bike, your mind was already racing with what you were going to say. This wasn’t just about Daryl acting like a reckless asshole—this was about keeping him and the others alive, keeping him from throwing away everything you’d fought so hard for in this new world, with the rest of the group.

The moment you stepped into the garage, he barely looked your way, too focused on tightening a bolt that didn’t even need any more tightening. But you weren’t about to let him ignore you, not after what Rick had told you.

"Daryl," you started, but he only grunted in response, and that was about it—just a damn grunt, like he couldn’t be bothered to reply with words. And it pissed you off how he could be so nonchalant after nearly getting himself killed.

"Look at me," you snapped, stepping closer to him. "I said... Look at me, Dixon."

He paused, his hand stilling on the wrench, before finally looking into your eyes with a scoff.

"You think you can just go off on your own and do whatever the fuck you want? Well, guess what, Daryl? You almost got your damn throat ripped out today. And for what? Because you couldn’t listen? Because you’re too stubborn to accept that you’re part of a community now, and not some lone wolf out there in the woods with a group he helps out every now and then?" You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

"Ain’t like that," he mumbled, but it didn’t really sound like he was trying to defend himself.

"Bullshit!" You shot back, stepping even closer until you were right in his face, close enough to see the way his eyes widened slightly. "It’s exactly like that, and you know it. And for what? To prove something? To whom? You ain’t gotta prove anything to me, Daryl. And certainly not our group. But you do owe it to us to stop acting like a fucking idiot!"

He turned away from you, but you weren’t done yet. "This isn’t just about you anymore, Dixon. Every time you pull this shit, you put everyone at risk. Everyone! You get bit, we lose a member of this group. A member of our damn family! You die, and we all suffer! Do you even get that? Or are you that stuck with your own damn head up your ass that you can’t see that?"

"Ain’t need ya shittin’ on me," he growled, his voice quiet, but you caught something like guilt in it. "Can handle my ass."

"Clearly," you snapped at him with sarcasm. "Because you handled yourself so well today that Rick had to pull your ass out of a walker’s mouth. Real smooth, Daryl! Real fucking smooth!"

He flinched at that, his eyes narrowing as he turned back to face you. "Ain’t like I needed any damn help."

You didn’t back down, though. You were way past that. "And that’s the problem, Daryl. You think that you don’t need anyone. But guess what? You do. You need us, and we need you. So stop acting like an asshole and start thinking about what you’re doing to everyone else."

For a second, you thought he might lash out. But instead, he just looked at you—really looked at you—like he was trying to figure something out. "Why ya care s’ much?" He finally asked.

You huffed, rolling your eyes. "Because I give a shit, you damn idiot. Because I... care about you more than anyone else here even knows, and I’m not about to watch you throw your life away over some macho bullshit, or whatever you’re trying to act like. You think I want to lose you? You think any of us do?"

He stared at you. "Ain’t tryna make shit harder," he muttered, looking down at the ground, shrugging his shoulders. "Jus’... can’t stand it ‘ere sometimes. Ain’t me ‘round ‘ere."

"Who you are isn’t some reckless idiot who doesn’t give a damn about anyone else. Who you are is someone who’s saved more lives than you can count, someone who’s part of a family now. And yeah, maybe it’s different here and maybe it’s hard, but that doesn’t give you the right to check out whenever you feel like it, as if this community is a fucking hotel!"

He didn’t say anything; he just kept looking at you with those blue, searching eyes, like he was waiting for you to give him something—some kind of direction.

You took a deep breath. "Daryl, you need to stop this shit. You need to stop before you get yourself killed. And if you won’t listen to Rick, then you’ll damn well listen to me. Got it?"

"Yeah," he said, almost whispering. "Got it."

"Good," you said. "Because this stops now. You’re done running off, done putting yourself at risk for no damn reason. From now on, you listen, just like before. We’re all a big team, Daryl, and we still are despite everything. Understand?"

"Yeah… Do ya still lo—" He started but stopped himself from speaking any further. "Are ya mad?"

"What? No, I’m not mad," you answered, stepping back to leave, wanting to give him some space. "But I’m hurt and disappointed."

Daryl sat there for a long time after you left. He gritted his teeth, and his fists were clenched, but it wasn’t anger. It was guilt. Shame even. All he knew was that he’d fucked up.

"Stupid, stupid fuckin’ idiot," he mumbled to himself, running a hand through his hair while he could still hear your voice in his head. "Fuckin’ piece o' shit. Can’t even keep yer damn head straight."

He felt like a fool, like a stubborn kid who’d just been put in his place. But it wasn’t just the anger that stuck with him—it was the look in your eyes, the pain and fear of what could’ve happened to him.

"Gotta make this right," he grumbled, now walking around the garage. "Ain’t gonna let her think I’m some reckless asshole who don’t care ‘bout nothin’." He rubbed the back of his neck. "She’s right… Been actin’ like a damn idiot. But… shit, need t’ prove I ain’t just some fuckup."

He knew you’d left him alone on purpose, letting him think about it, just like you’ve done several times before. But this time, he wasn’t going to sit here and wait for you to come back. He had a plan—a rather half-baked plan, but it was all he had. He needed to show you how much you meant to him and how much he needed you.

"Fuck, she’s gonna kill me," he sighed, shaking his head as he made his way out of the garage. And he knew exactly where and in what house he was going to find you.

You were already half asleep, lying on the floor on a mattress, when you felt someone being there—before you even opened your eyes. It was Daryl, of course, kneeling over you as he carefully pulled the sheets back.

"What the hell are you doing, Dixon?" You mumbled, still groggy. "Leave me alone."

He didn’t answer right away; he just pressed a kiss to your shoulder, then another, moving down your arm, his lips barely touching your skin. It was slow on purpose, like he was trying to worship every inch of you to make up for all the stupid shit he’d done. And it was working, even if it pissed you off that he thought he could just... seduce his way out of this.

"Daryl," you warned, but your voice was weak due to the way his strong, big hands were now sliding down your sides to your waist.

"‘M sorry," he whispered, before he kissed the sensitive spot on your neck. "Fucked it up, I know that. But need ya to know... I ain’t a fool. I need ya, more than ya fuckin’ know."

You wanted to stay mad, to shove him away from you and tell him to get his shit together, but his touch—God, it was like he knew exactly what he was doing, like he was taking away your anger with every kiss and every touch of his hands. And when he put his head lower, kissing along your ribs after he pulled up your shirt, you felt almost frustrated.

"Daryl," you breathed out as a warning again, but he didn’t stop. He slid his hands further up your shirt, pulling it over your head as he kissed down your ribs, his fingers grabbing your body like he was trying to show you that he was still alive.

"Need ya," he mumbled against your skin, his voice sounding almost desperate. "Need ya t’ know I ain’t takin’ this for granted."

"Daryl, stop…" You started, but your words were cut off by a gasp as he found that spot just above your waist, his lips kissing you harder, and his teeth softly biting your skin. You felt a shiver run through you, and hell, you hated how much you wanted this, how much you wanted him to keep going.

"I’ll stop if ya want me to, I swear," he whispered, but he didn’t stop, not really. His hands slid down, undoing your pants and wanting to slide them down, which made you stop breathing for a moment.

You were looking at him, your eyes narrowing. "You think you can just—" You started, but then he shut you up—kissing you hard and long, cutting off your words. And fuck, if it didn’t make your whole body shiver with need.

"Can’t help it," he muttered against your lips, his voice a little shaky, like he was losing control. "Can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout ya, ‘bout how much I need ya."

"You think this makes up for what you did? For your reckless behavior?" You asked, shaking your head slightly.

"Nah," he admitted. "Gotta show ya somehow. Gotta show ya how much I fuckin’ care."

You grabbed his wrists, pulling his hands away from your pants, even though you were already aching for him. "You don’t get to touch me like that," you said. "Not until I say so."

He swallowed hard, his breath stopping as he nodded, his eyes wide. "Please," he whispered, looking up at you and waiting for permission.

"Please what?" You demanded, tightening your grip on his wrists. "You think you can just come in here and expect me to forgive you? After everything?"

"Nah," he stammered, his eyes looking down to the floor again. "But… I need ya. I need ya t’ see that I can make it right."

"You wanna make it right, Daryl?" You asked again. "Then you’re gonna do exactly what I say, like I said."

"Yeah," he answered, his body almost trembling with the need to make you forgive him. "I’ll do whatever ya want."

You let go of his wrists, letting them fall back to his sides. "Take off your clothes," you ordered, the tone in your voice leaving no room for argument.

He hesitated for just a second, but then he started to stand up and get out of his clothes, his hands shaking as he got out of his shirt, then his pants, and the rest, until he was standing there, naked and vulnerable before you.

"Now get back on your knees," you demanded, watching as his eyes widened.

He dropped to his knees, waiting for your next command. And fuck, if that didn’t send a rush of power straight through you.

You stood over him, your hand reaching out to grab his hair, pulling his head back so he was forced to look up at you. "Look at me."

And he did. He slowly looked up in shame.

"You don’t get to play the lone wolf out there," you continued, stepping closer, your hand grabbing his chin, moving his head up further. "Not anymore. You almost got yourself killed."

"I know," he muttered. "‘M sorry..."

He wanted—no, he needed—to show you how he felt about his mistakes, and he was ready to do it on his knees if that’s what you demanded.

You let go of him, letting him fall forward, as you lay back down onto the mattress. "Show me," you simply said.

And he did—God, he did... He kissed every inch of you, his lips moving lower, his hands gripping your hips like he was afraid you might disappear, and he held onto you like you were the only person able to keep him safe.

He didn’t need to be told twice—he knew what he had to do to make things right.

You leaned back on the mattress, spreading your legs just enough to invite him closer, and watched his hands shake a little as they slid up your thighs.

"Yes," he whispered quietly. He was trying to be tough, but you could see through it. The man was already lost in you, in the need to make you feel good to make up for his earlier bullshit.

No, he couldn’t keep his hands off you; the way he now nearly ripped off the rest of your clothes was almost urgent.

"Goddamn," he whispered, his eyes wide and hungry as he took in the sight of you. "So fuckin’ beautiful."

His hands were trembling as he reached for your bra, fumbling with it before finally getting it off. He slid it off your shoulders, throwing it over to your pants on the floor, his eyes never leaving your breasts.

Daryl’s mouth went dry as he leaned in, his lips stopping just above one nipple. "Can’t believe yer lettin’ me touch ya like this," he whispered, more to himself than to you. Then he closed his mouth around your nipple, his tongue moving over it, making you gasp.

He sucked and licked, using his teeth just a little, sliding them lightly against it, while his other hand was pinching and rolling the other.

"Fuck, Daryl," you groaned, your hands moving through his hair, holding him close as he worshiped your breasts like they were the most important things in the world. "Don’t stop."

He growled against your skin and kept going; he kept sucking, licking, and teasing until your nipples were swollen and hard, sensitive to every little touch.

He soon pulled back, a line of spit connecting his mouth to your nipple before it broke, and he greedily licked over it once more. His eyes were full with need, his breathing heavy as he looked up at you, like he was waiting for permission to keep going.

"You’re going to be a good boy and keep worshipping me?" You asked, your voice teasing and commanding him at the same time.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Please… Need t’…"

"Then do it," you ordered, and that was all the encouragement he needed.

Daryl’s hands moved lower, sliding down your sides, moving along your hips before coming to a stop between your legs. His fingers brushed against your pussy, finding you already wet and wanting, and he let out a growl.

He started slowly, almost with hesitation, like he was worshipping at some holy altar. His lips brushed over the inside of your thighs, soft at first, but when you grabbed his hair again, he got the message. His mouth found your pussy the moment he ripped off your panties, and it was as if a switch flipped.

Daryl buried his face between your legs, his tongue working desperately, like he couldn’t get enough of you. You let out a moan, your hand tightening in his hair, guiding him but also keeping him under your control.

"Fuck, Daryl," you breathed out. "Just like that."

And he couldn’t stop, even if he wanted to. Every part of him was focused on you—on the taste of you, the way you trembled when he hit just the right spot. He was completely at your mercy, with the need to prove himself to make you proud.

You could feel him moan against you and how he was getting lost in it, in you. You knew he was desperate for more, desperate for any sign that he was doing good and that you’d forgive him. But you weren’t about to make it easy for him. Not yet, at least.

You pulled back slightly, just enough to get him away from you, and he looked up at you, his lips wet and parted, already missing the taste of you. "Please," he growled out, and you could see the need to do more, to have more of you.

"You keep listening to me. You understand?" You asked, caressing his head gently.

"Yeah," he stammered and nodded in return.

You pushed his head back down, with his tongue slipping inside your pussy almost immediately, like he was trying to eat out every bit of forgiveness he could get.

And fuck, did it feel good. The way he was eating out your pussy, every little move of his tongue, the way he sucked on your clit just hard enough to make you see stars—it was like he was made for this, made to worship you.

"Fuck, don’… don’ make me stop," he growled out in between. He was trembling now, hands still gripping your hips tightly, his eyes wide with something that seemed close to panic, like he couldn’t stand being away from you for even a second.

But you leaned down, grabbing his chin, forcing him to look at you. "You want to make this right? You wait until I’m ready."

He nodded quickly, swallowing hard, his eyes pleading without a word and barely holding it together. He was ready to do anything you asked, to wait as long as you wanted him to, just for a chance to taste you again.

"Good boy," you moaned, suddenly pulling him up to kiss you, tasting yourself on his lips. He kissed you like he was starved for it, holding on for dear life.

And you could feel how hard he was—the desperate twitching of his already leaking cock against your thigh—but you weren’t done teasing him yet. "You’re doing so good, Daryl. Go on now."

"Yes, mommy," he whimpered, the word coming out of his mouth before he could even stop it.

"What did you just call me?" You asked in shock and froze.

Daryl’s eyes widened in shock and panic. "Didn’t mean t’ say that," he said, his voice trembling. "I jus’—"

"Say it again," you commanded, cutting him off. "Say it."

He swallowed hard, his eyes looking around as if searching for an escape, but he knew he couldn’t hide from you. "Yes, mommy," he whispered quietly, a shiver running through him as he said the word again.

But you didn’t miss the way his eyes dropped to the floor. "Good boy," you simply answered. "Go on…"

He didn’t hesitate, his hands following the curves of your body again, his lips following close behind. He kissed down your neck, in between your breasts, along your stomach as he moved lower, his hands soon enough sliding up your thighs and over your pussy.

"Shit," he mumbled, his eyes widening as he realized just how ready you were for him. "Yer so fuckin’ wet."

He didn’t say anything else, too focused on what he was doing. His fingers moved through your wet folds, teasing you until you were trembling with need, and he circled your clit with his thumb slowly on purpose, watching your face for every little reaction.

And one moan—that was all he needed. He leaned in, his mouth replacing his fingers, his tongue sliding over your clit, licking and sucking it gently all over. He didn’t rush, didn’t hurry, and took his time.

"Fuck, Daryl," you moaned, your fingers gripping his hair, holding him in place as he devoured you. "That’s it… don’t stop."

He didn’t need to be told twice. He kept going, kept licking, sucking, and teasing until you were right on the edge and close to coming.

The control he was giving you made you feel powerful, and hell, if that wasn’t the hottest thing you’d ever experienced.

"Please, mommy," he begged. "Lemme make ya cum now."

"Keep going," you commanded, feeling yourself getting closer due to his words. "Don’t stop. Oh, fuck…"

He obeyed, and when you finally came, you gasped and moaned, your body arching and trembling under the force of it. But as soon as you began to come down from your orgasm, you noticed how he started to get more aggressive, his hands gripping your hips harder. He pulled back slightly, his eyes burning into yours as he moved back up.

"Wanna fuck ya," he growled almost primal, grabbing his cock and pushing it against your pussy.

But you shoved him back. "Not so fast," you said. "You’re going to do it my way."

He looked at you with frustration and desperation. "But… I need ya," he said, his voice cracking a little bit. "Please!"

You didn’t give in. Instead, you watched as he tried to hold himself back. "If you want more, you’re going to have to do it my way, Daryl. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Yeah, ‘kay," he murmured and nodded, his voice trembling.

"Not yet," you said, wrapping your hand around his shaft. The hardness of his cock was pulsing against your hand, and you enjoyed the power it gave you. "You’re going to wait a little longer."

Daryl’s breath hitched, his fingers digging into the mattress as he tried to control himself. "Please," he begged, his voice raw and desperate. "Need it."

You only smiled, slowly stroking him, your movements maddeningly slow. "You want more?" You teased, leaning closer to him. "You want me to keep going? To make you cum already as well?"

He nodded quickly. "Yes! Please, mommy. Can’t take it no more!"

You took your time, each move up and down his shaft, making him moan and writhe.

"Fuck, don’ stop," he groaned. "Please, I can’t—"

"Hush now," you interrupted, squeezing his cock. "You’re going to wait until I say so. If you want to be a good boy, you’ll follow my instructions."

Daryl’s cock was coated in his pre-cum and throbbing in your hand, and every time you squeezed just a little harder, he would shiver, his voice breaking into pleas and whimpers.

"Please… ‘M so close," he whimpered. "Can’t hold back much longer."

You looked down at him, smirking, and then you jerked him faster and harder, bringing him right to the edge. His body was tense and almost painfully trying to hold off his orgasm.

"Daryl," you said softly, your hand driving him mad. "I want you to beg for it. Just a little bit more."

His pleas turned into desperate murmurs as he struggled with himself. "Please… Need t’… Jus’ let me... Oh fuck!"

With a final pump, you brought him right to the very edge again, feeling his cock throbbing against your palm. Then, just when you could see he was about to break, you pulled back, stopping altogether.

Daryl let out a whimper, his eyes desperate. "Fuck, please… Need it."

You leaned in close, kissing his neck. "Not yet. I want you to really feel it, to know how much you need me."

"Please," he begged again. "Please..."

"Tell me how much you need it," you smiled at him.

He swallowed hard, his voice cracking as he spoke. "Need it so bad, mommy, please... Need t’ cum for ya. Need ya..."

You gave him one final, hard stroke, and then you stopped again, making him groan and tremble over you, the muscles in his arms tensing up painfully hard. "Good boy," you whispered, finally giving him permission to slide into your pussy, just not all the way.

"No further," you said. "Just the tip. Hold it back."

He groaned, his hands gripping the sheets next to you on the mattress. "Please," he begged, his voice breaking. "Lemme fuck ya..."

You ignored his pleas, your hand still pumping up and down his shaft. "Say it," you commanded. "Say you’re my good boy, Daryl."

"‘M yer good boy," he mumbled, closing his eyes in embarrassment.

Finally, when you could see the look on his face—the way he was practically begging to come—you leaned in. "You want it now?"

"Yeah," he whispered, his voice breaking. "Please, mommy..."

His cock was pulsing, the tip pressing into you just enough to make him groan but not enough to give him what he wanted.

You watched as a sudden tear rolled down his cheek—a single, small, and tiny drop. The sight of it—so rare for someone like Daryl—made you widen your eyes. You could see the complete surrender—the way he was completely at your mercy.

Without warning, you pushed against him, taking him all the way in, and made him cry out, his body shuddering as he filled you up and feeling your pussy stretch around his cock. The look of shock and ecstasy on his face was too much, even for you. His eyes widened, his lips parting slightly, and his cock was pulsing inside you, his body trembling uncontrollably.

"Fuck! Fuck…"

And the moment you took him in fully, he came hard inside of you with a loud groan, his body trying to push in as deep as possible as he reached his orgasm, while you held him close, feeling the last of his cum filling you up as he finished.

You soon lay there, your body still tingling, but Daryl, on the other hand, was a mess after he quickly pulled out of you. Now his walls were coming back up, and he was doing his best to act like he didn’t need a damn thing from you.

He was trying to play it cool, turning his face away, still shaking a little bit. "Jus’… gotta go," he mumbled, trying to shove you away. "Don’ need ya all up in m’ shit now."

"Oh, come on. You can’t be serious," you smirked, running a finger teasingly down his chest.

He glared at you, trying to push you away once more. "‘M fine. Jus’ leave me ‘lone," he grumbled.

"Look at you, all tough and cold again. But you were begging for it only a minute ago." You let your hand move over his skin, feeling his muscles twitch. "And now you’re just going to be an ass about it? Not a chance."

He froze as you touched him. "Shut up," he snapped. "Don’t need yer damn pity."

You rolled your eyes, leaning in close. "Pity? This isn’t pity, Daryl."

He tried to pull away again, but you held him close, your hands moving up to his chin. You tilted his head so he had no choice but to look at you.

"Seriously?" You said with a smile. "You’re going to act like a brat now? After everything?" You moved closer, teasing him with a kiss on his lips.

Daryl’s breath stopped for a second, and you felt him shudder under your touch. "Fuck off," he muttered, but it was sounding rather weak, almost as if he was trying to convince himself more than you.

You laughed, cupping his chin more firmly. "Make me. Or... maybe you really are just a brat who needs to be put in his place all over again."

He shivered as he fought with himself. "No… Don’ need this," he mumbled, but it was clear he was losing the battle against himself. His voice was getting quieter, and he knew that he was failing miserably.

Then, you finally met his lips with yours. It was a slow, gentle kiss, with you wanting to give him reassurance. He moaned against them, the sound full of desperation.

When you pulled back, you saw how his eyes were wide, and he suddenly nuzzled up against you, his face buried in your neck, his body trembling as if he was trying to hold onto whatever was left of his defenses.

"‘M so sorry," he murmured against your skin, his voice breaking. "Didn’ mean t’... I jus’—"

You ran your fingers through his hair, cuddling him closer as he clung to you. "Quiet," you whispered, putting your lips against his forehead. "It’s okay."

He wrapped his arms around you, his grip a little rough as if he was afraid you might slip away. "I fucked up," he said. "Almos’ got m’self killed an’ hurt ya. ‘M so damn sorry."

You held him close, his body pressed against yours. "I know," you said softly. "But you’re still alive, Daryl."

But the moment of calm was ruined when Daryl’s body tensed up again, with him starting to sob violently.

"Shit," he choked out, tears rolling down his cheeks. "‘M such a fuckin’ asshole. Messed everythin’ up. Could’ve died an’—"

You shushed him, holding him even tighter, pressing kisses to his temples. You didn’t say much, letting your actions speak louder than any words even could.

He kept mumbling apologies, his sobs so intense that they shook his whole body. "Ain’t good ‘nough. ‘M worthless. Jus’ a useless piece o’ shit," he sobbed further, his voice cracking.

You gently cupped his face again, lifting it so you could look into his wet eyes. Slowly, you wiped the tears away with your thumbs, kissing his cheeks where the tears had been rolling down.

"Hush," you whispered softly. "You’re not a useless piece of shit. You’re not worthless. You made a mistake, but you’re here, and you’re alive. That’s what matters."

He needed to hear that you weren’t disappointed and that you still loved him despite everything.

Daryl looked up at you, his eyes all red and swollen, but his sobbing began to calm down. And as he finally started to relax, his grip on you softened, but he didn’t let go. He was still clinging to you, needing you to remind him that he was loved and that he was enough.

"Thanks," he whispered quietly. "For… everythin’."

You smiled to yourself, playing with his hair. "Anytime," you murmured, pressing another soft kiss to the top of his head.

You didn’t need to say anything more; your arms around him were enough to help him find his way back to feeling okay. The walls he’d built were finally down, and for now, he was just Daryl—raw and in need of someone to help him piece himself back together.

TAG-LIST: @itwasntaphasema

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dizzycoffee · 9 months ago

Note

hihiiii can i ask for hc’s and maybe a small drabble for lucifer, lute, adam, and charlie with a (fem) reader who tends to unintentionally fluster them ?

— Lucifer, Lute, Adam, Charlie / Fem!Reader; Headcanons

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･ HEADCANONS ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

— Lucifer;

Intentional or not, he always wonders how you can be so smooth with your words / actions

He tries to reply with the same tone, but he always stumbles with his words

“You’re so cute when you stutter—” “STOP IT.”

Whenever you lightly tease him, he melts from both embarrassment and love

You chuckled softly upon seeing his already blushing face. “Aw, come on, don’t go shy on me already,” you teased, getting pleasantly surprised when you see the way his face reddens at your words. You truly don’t understand how your choice of words could affect him so much — but you weren’t really complaining.

You always laugh it off, but you definitely like the way he just begins to flush over your words

There are times that you forget that he's Lucifer, though. He'll catch you off guard yourself, saying something surprisingly smooth with that enticing voice of his, and he'll eat up every detail of your own flustered face

"Oh so this is how it feels to fluster, huh?"

Essentially, you both match each other's energy <3

— Lute;

my guilty pleasure fr

She'd totally try to cover her blush with frustration

At first, you used to think she hated being around you. Her face always turned red and judging by her scowl, you assumed it was because she was angry

The only reason you found out otherwise was because of Adam, who was brutally teasing Lute

"HAH, no way, your face is so red!" You were going down a hall when you heard Adam's taunting voice ring out. Before you could tune them out, another voice spoke up, "You heard her, who the hell says that so casually?" Oh, Lute was with him too. You paused for a moment, letting Adam reply. "Ooooh Lute, you look so cute with your hair pulled back!" he spoke in a mocking high-pitched tone, laughing right after when he heard Lute bark out, "Unlike you, she didn't sound annoying!" ... Wasn't that the compliment you told Lute earlier that day?

After that, you couldn't help but to stop by a bit more often during training, simply to converse a bit more

While you didn't understand how you can cause her to have that reaction, it didn't stop you from pushing forward

I mean, it just means she's not mad at you. And she also hasn't said anything about you needing to stop... you're sure it's fine!

It wasn't until one day she just yells "Why do you feel the need to torment me?!"

"I'm sorry... I just think you look so pretty when you blush."

She "reluctantly" asks you out on a date after that

— Adam;

guilty pleasure 2.0

Whenever you first catch him off guard, he goes silent for like,, a good minute

It takes a moment to register that his heart skipped a beat and his face began to burn from the blood that was rushing to his cheeks

After hanging out with you, he has to take a moment to sort of realize that someone genuinely makes him flustered and not the other way around

Initially, he's like "well no duh I'm blushing a bit, she's hot as fuck" but that later turns into him being like "she said my hair looks nice today, does that mean anything?? my face is burning, does she notice all of that?? is all of this on purpose??"

He'll call you (jokingly) an attention whore, which you're confused about and leaves him to explain...

Adam chuckled dryly, "You know... because you're, like, constantly flirting with me. That makes you an attention whore." He tried to keep his cool, he really did. But when all you could do was muster up an awkward smile and head tilt of confusion, he realized you genuinely didn't mean to actually fluster him. Fuck. "Don't take it to heart, sugar tits. I'm just joking!" he laughed it off.

After that "incident" he actually tries to match your energy

If you make him blush, he makes it his mission to see you at least giggle from his flirting

I think it's safe to say Adam sort of sucks at flirting because most of his "flirtatiousness" it just lewd comments and stuff

So it takes a while to actually make you blush from his words and not because he said something embarrassingly lewd

You still appreciate his efforts of course :)

— Charlie;

You are, by far, her biggest distraction

She'll be in the middle of trying to come up with lesson plans when you come up to her and say something like "but Charlie, I miss your kisses..."

Immediately folds for you

I'm positive she openly simps for you, no other way around it

"Isn't she just the cutest? She said I look so adorable with a bow tie! She's so considerate and so..." Charlie swooned as her words drifted off into a ran, face already flushed. Angel raised a brow, "Isn't it, like, the third time she makes you go red? You don't think you're sick or somethin'?" "And it's only the morning," Husk groaned behind the two.

The hotel residents are sick of it /hj

Something that they do appreciate it whenever you're able to calm Charlie down from going overboard. Whether it's with the lesson of the day or her going into a near breakdown over how the hotel isn't going how it's supposed to

While, yes, your words definitely have her giggling and kicking her feet, she mainly goes wild over your actions

The way you'll take her hands into yours, looking her in the eyes as you gently tell her "it'll all work out, just be patient."

She just can't imagine a world where you're not by her side, constantly making her heart flutter

She doesn't typically try to match your flirting, especially because she knows that you don't exactly mean to be flirty

But that doesn't stop her from complimenting you and your words/actions

"You really make my day with your words!"

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thisdreamplace · 1 year ago

Text

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

#nonduality #nondualism #law of assumption

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kindlyduhh · 2 months ago

Text

A Greedy Heart pt.1

You can also read it on my ao3 page !!

Content warnings: fem!reader, fluff, gets suggestive towards the end

Word count: 4.5K

Mammon has been thinking about confeesing to you about his feeling but just cant find the right time. After some miscommunications he finally finds the guts the say what was on his mind...

Once again, it was a typical day in the devildom and you and Mammon were spending time together in your room. He was sitting on your bed and you were laying next to him.

You loved hanging out with mammon, his presence calms you down and you were happy that mammon also tried to hang out with you even though he acts nonchalant as he tried to seem like he didn't care, but you always saw through him, how much he’d blush every time you agree to hang out, and it is truly adorable.

Normally you guys would just joke around or mammon would make a plan to steal Lucifer's credit card again, but he was unusually quiet today just scrolling on his D.D.D.

You could clearly see that mammon wanted to say something that was on his mind since he kept glancing at you, but he wasn't saying anything.

“Mammon, are you alright?” knowing that if you don't ask him directly, he definitely wouldn't talk about whatever was bothering him.

“Yea, I'm fine…” he huffs while ruffling his beautiful white hair.

The whole day, he seemed unusually distant, casting frequent glances your way with a grumpy expression. It was obvious that something was bugging him, but he was being stubborn as usual.

“Oh c'mon mammon, I know something is up… I promise I won't judge you or anything like that.” you said in a reassuring tone, his eyes softened ever so slightly.

You could see that he was struggling to express himself, as people had belittled him every time he voiced his thoughts, calling him a scumbag or a money grubber. It pained your heart to witness his struggle.

Mammon didn't understand why you were this kind. You were so gentle and caring, which was a thing he wasn't used to.

He got used to your affection so much since the day that you came to devildom that when you weren't around; he felt alone and jealous every time you hung out with the other brothers, which was a feeling he hated.

Mammon's heart pounded in his chest as he tried to find the courage to express his feelings. He had been holding them in for so long, but it was becoming harder and harder to keep them hidden.

Every time he looked at you, his heart ached with the unsaid words. He knew he had to speak up, but the fear of rejection and judgment held him back.

"Ugh, I dunno..." Mammon started to speak while fidgeting with his hands, but before he could finish, Levi suddenly burst into the room without bothering to knock on the door.

“Yo y/n, the game that we were waiting for is out! c’mon let's go, we have to play it now.” Levi says enthusiastically. You and Levi were waiting for this game for a really long time and you have promised him that you would play it together.

Mammon was filled with a mix of disappointment and anger as Levi interrupted, but he tried to keep his facial expressions neutral. "Great, just great. " He couldn't shake off the regret and frustration that he had almost let himself be vulnerable.

"Levi, can you wait just for a second? I'll be in your room in a minute, okay?" You slightly get up from the bed and glance at Mammon, noticing that he was clearly irritated that Levi entered the room just when he was about to speak.

“Oh c'mon y/n, if we don't start playing now, we might miss the free gacha pulls, and it's not like you guys are doing anything, right?” Levi explains, it's clear that he isn't gonna give up.

As Mammon slowly got up from your bed, you could sense his emotional walls building up again, his attempt to act nonchalant.

“Hey where are you going? You were gonna say something, right?” trying to convince mammon to stay, but when your eyes met with his, you could see the disappointment and regret in his eyes. You get even more confused by his actions.

“It's nothin really, ya guys can play your games or whatever… I need to go somewhere, anyway.” Mammon tries to smile as he masks away his feelings.

Your heart breaks at how cold he is being. He wasn't even looking at you anymore. You start to feel even more anxious overthinking everything you did today.

Mammon murmurs under his breath “bye then…” He quickly leaves your room, not even giving you a chance to say goodbye.

You try to act like you are fine. “Well, let's play our game right.” You sigh while smiling at Levi since you didn't want to worry him about anything. He nods and starts walking to his room while talking about how excited he was about the game as you try not to think about mammon.

⋆⋅⛧⋅⋆

It was midnight now, the dim light of the devildom brightening the room ever so slightly as you say goodnight to Levi. He was accustomed to staying up late, so you knew he'd likely keep playing the game.

You had a headache, so you held the bridge of your nose to relieve it slightly, but it didn't work. Your mind wandered about mammon the whole night and you couldn't even focus on the game anymore.

You anxiously walk through the corridor while thinking about going to mammon’s room. You weren't sure if he was awake or this was a good idea, but you were seriously worried if you said something to upset him and the worrying was eating you every minute passing by.

You finally come to his room just waiting in front of the door anxiously to have some courage to knock on the door. You could hear your heart beating in your whole body and you think to yourself why you were this nervous.

You sigh and finally knock on the door with shaky hands. As you wait in front of the door, you get even more self conscious about what you were doing. This was a mistake, and you were probably gonna wake mammon in the middle of the night for nothing.

You slightly get relieved when he doesn't open the door. Of course, he was sleeping. It was really late. As you turn away and make your way to your room, you pick up on the faint sound of a door opening.

“Y/n… what are ya doin here?” Mammon says, his voice sounds sleepy. You curse yourself under your breath for waking him up for something so stupid.

You turned to him to apologize, but froze the moment you saw him. Your eyes open wider and you can feel your face heating up.

He was only wearing gray sweatpants, leaving his toned, bare chest exposed to the dim moonlight. The sight was mesmerizing as you tried to tear your gaze away, but your eyes were glued to his sculpted form. You gulped and tried to not look at him like a creep, looking everywhere but him as you blushed harder.

And that's when he realized that he wasn't wearing any shirt. His face started to get even redder than yours somehow as he cleared his throat. “S-sorry I just woke up… I'll go put on a shirt”

Without thinking, you grab his arm to stop him. Noticing his shocked expression, you quickly release his arm, feeling awkward as you stand fidgeting with your hands.

“U-um, it's fine. I shouldn't even come here. I'm sorry for waking you. It's nothing important. You should just go to sleep,” you say awkwardly while looking down. You couldn't even look at his face because of how embarrassed you are.

Mammon feels slightly upset about the way you were hiding your face, even though it's been just a few hours since he already missed seeing your beautiful face.

His arm was still tingling from your touch. Just from that quick contact, he felt himself melting as he bit his bottom lip.

“Nah, it's fine, I'm awake now so ya might as well say it right” He scratched the back of his neck as he gestured to you to come to his room.

Mammon thought of you the entire night as he tried to sleep. He was so jealous of Levi since he got to spend some time with you.

His stomach twisted the entire night, his imagination consumed by the sight of you and Levi sitting next to each other closely. It should be him next to you, not Levi or any of his brothers. He was your first demon, not them.

And to his luck, he heard you knocking on the door. When he saw your face, the relief he felt made him feel like he can finally breathe again.

He slowly walked to his couch and grabbed the shirt laying down there. He quickly put on the shirt, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable.

While wearing his shirt, he caught you glancing at his abs. He wasn't sure if you were checking him out, but the thought of it made his heart beat faster.

You both plump onto the couch. There is an awkward energy in the air. You both stay quiet for a bit, then you awkwardly clear your throat.

“Did I said something that upset you?” you blurt out suddenly while looking down at the floor.

Mammon looks confused, not understanding why you would ask that. You never said something that upset him, hell it was the opposite all the time.

Mammon felt a pang of unease when you refused to meet his gaze. He yearned for your attention, craving the way your eyes would light up as you looked at him. "Hey, why are ya asking that? Of course ya didn't," he reiterated, trying to catch your gaze.

"What made ya think that, anyway?" His heart ached as he longed for the connection he had with you, the way you always gave him your undivided attention and made his stomach do flips.

You ran your hand through your hair out of frustration, realizing you sounded a bit foolish. "Umm... I'm not sure," you began, trying to find the right words. "You just seemed off today, and you stormed off when Levi came to my room. I was worried I did something wrong."

Your voice trailed off as you exhaled, feeling a bit embarrassed by how insignificant your worries seemed now that you said them out loud.

Mammon's heart sank when he realized that he had made you worried. He curses himself for being such an idiot. There you were worrying for him and all it was because he was foolishly scared of your reaction.

“Oi c’mon will ya look at me.” he huffs. There is a tint of worry in his voice as he speaks. The only thing he wants is for you to understand you didn't do anything wrong.

As you finally met his gaze, something in the air shifted. You noticed a glimmer of vulnerability in his golden eyes that made your heart skip a beat. His usual cockiness was nowhere to be seen, replaced by a rare moment of sincerity.

“Ya didn't do anything wrong, ya dummy. Ya don't need to worry about me.” He reached out his hand to gently brush a strand of hair away from your face, his touch sending a shiver down your spine.

Your breath hitched as Mammon's hand made gentle contact with your hair, grazing your skin softly. The brief touch sent a jolt through your body, making you dizzy with a newfound craving for more.

His touch felt incredibly soft and tender, and you found yourself subconsciously leaning into it, silently wanting more of the sensation. As he spoke, his words seemed to get lost in your mind, overpowered by the overwhelming feeling of butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Your voice quivered as you spoke, expressing your concern for Mammon. "But I do worry about you," you said, your words laced with a hint of desperation.

"If you talk to me, maybe I can help you somehow. Did Lucifer lecture you again, or is it those witches bothering you?" You hoped that he would finally open up and let you in, to allow you to at least try to comfort him‌.

Mammon felt a pang of guilt as he heard the desperation in your voice. He didn’t mean to make you worry, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit the real reason behind his sour mood.

“Aw, ya worry too much about me, ya know that?” he tried to deflect, flashing a cocky smile. “I’m a tough demon, ya know? Nothin’ can get me down.”

This is typical Mammon behavior of trying to hide his feelings and act nonchalant, even though he’s actually touched by your worry about him.

Your frustration was evident as you let out a sigh, not swayed by Mammon's attempts to dismiss your concern. Surprisingly, a newfound boldness washed over you, and you reached out, gently grasping his hand in a reassuring grip. You held it firmly, trying to convey your care through your touch.

"Mammon, it's okay to admit when you're feeling down or upset. You don't always have to put on a tough act, especially not with me. I care about you, and I want to understand what's been bothering you."

Mammon's eyes widened slightly, clearly surprised by your honesty. He hadn't expected you to be so direct about it. He hesitated for a moment, not used to talking about his feelings or problems, but the genuine concern in your voice made him feel like he couldn't keep you in the dark anymore.

He let out a deep sigh, his shoulders drooping slightly. "It's not Lucifer or the witches," he muttered, looking away from you. "I actually…" He paused, taking a moment to gather his thoughts.

Mammon takes a deep breath, preparing himself to reveal what's been on his mind. "There's something I've been wanting to talk to ya about," he begins, his tone a bit hesitant.

Your heart skips a beat, anticipation swelling within you. Whatever it is Mammon wanted to talk about, it seems serious. You brace yourself, ready to listen intently.

He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, clearly nervous about what he was about to say.

"But I'm not good with this kind of stuff, ya know? Talking about feelings and whatnot." He chuckled weakly.

As you gently squeezed his hand, Mammon felt a shiver run down his spine. The feeling of your soft touch on his skin was like electricity coursing through his body, filling him with an inexplicable sense of comfort and excitement.

It was as if your touch alone had the power to calm his nerves and give him the courage to finally say what was on his mind. With a deep breath, he gathered his thoughts and found the courage to speak.

Mammon took a deep breath, his heart still racing as he looked at you with a mixture of vulnerability and determination.

“I…” he began, but the words got stuck in his throat. He let out a shaky exhale and tried again. “Promise me ya won’t laugh, okay?”

You ran your thumb over his knuckles gently, trying to reassure him that it was okay to open up to you. “I swear on my life I won't laugh Mammon” trying to show how serious you were about his feelings.

He looks at you intently, his expression a mix of emotions."You know how I’m always calling you my human, right?" he starts, his voice a bit shaky.

He looks away for a moment, his eyes darting around the room before finally meeting yours again."And how I always want to be around you and want your attention?" he continues, fidgeting with his shirt hem again.

Oh. OH. Your heart skipped a beat as Mammon mentioned how he always wants to be around you and wants your attention. A wave of realization washed over you, and you started to piece together what he was trying to say.

Your mind races as you process his words, feeling a mix of emotions. Part of you is surprised by Mammon's vulnerability, as he's usually so guarded and closed off. Another part of you is thrilled, the idea that Mammon might be confessing his feelings to you, stirring up a whirlwind of excitement and nervousness.

Mammon takes a deep breath and looks directly into your eyes, his expression a mixture of nervousness and determination.

"I've been trying to figure out how to say this, but I'll just say it straight out." He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts and mustering his courage.

"I... I like ya, okay? Like a lot. And not in the ‘friend’ way, but in the ‘I can’t stop thinkin’ about ya, miss ya when yer not around, wanna spend all my time with ya’ kinda way."

Mammon's stomach twists as he confesses. He can't believe he actually said it. The intrusive thoughts start spinning in his mind as he feels his heart beat getting faster. What if you didn't like him? If so, would this ruin the relationship you had with him?

He feels dizzy as he waits for your response while still feeling like he made a mistake by opening up to you. What if he lost you because of his confession? Why couldn't he be content with just your friendship? Why did he have to be so greedy?

As these thoughts pass around his mind, you gently put your hand on his cheek. There is a tint of redness on your face. He can barely see it under the dim moonlight. “You like me… you mean it?” your voice trembling slightly. You felt your heart beat getting faster at his words.

You never thought that Mammon would confess one day. Of course, you both acted flirty from time to time, but whenever it felt too serious or real, he find a way to get away from the situation, acting like he had no feelings towards you.

Mammon's voice trembles, “I umm… I-I do mean it alright…”. His face is fully red now as he tries to not meet your gaze. He huffs while scratching the back of his neck, clearly frustrated about being this vulnerable.

“I-Its ‘kay if ya don't feel the same ı just… gahh i dunno I thought I should tell ya or somethin’ I know I'm being an idiot now so it's fine if ya wanna leave or whatever…” He mumbles under his breath, glancing at you just for a second. The way he looks at you with a glint of desperation, like you are gonna leave him for being vulnerable.

You put both of your hands on Mammon’s cheeks, forcing him to look into your eyes. His eyes widen as you get slightly closer to his face. “Mammon, you're not being an idiot… and ı would never leave you, okay…” you whisper while caressing his cheek gently.

He closes his eyes as he feels your touch. It's so soft and tender and he feels dizzy from the sensation. Without realizing, he nuzzles to your hand as he sighs.

He looks so beautiful between your hands, his eyes closed. He looks like a painting as his white hair slightly glows under the dim moonlight. And you finally find the courage to say what is in your heart.

“I-I like you too Mammon… like a lot. Every time I look at you, my heart starts to beat faster like it's gonna burst out of my chest,” you whisper, your voice trembling as you speak.

Mammon quickly opens his eyes when he hears your word. Did you say you liked him? No way you said that right. Did you say it back because you didn't want to upset him?

“Ya do? are ya sure bout it… ya don't have to say it back just because you don't want to upset me or whatever yer thinking, ‘key.” He mumbles under his breath. Barely meeting your gaze.

You tilt his head to face you gently, wanting to convince him about your feelings. “Of course I'm sure mams… ı wouldn't lie about my feelings, especially to you. I like you so much that I want to be next to you all the time… ı love your smile, ı love talking to you, I love that when you get excited about something you get even louder,” you chuckle "and I love you Mammon…”

His brain stops for a second. The way you talk about him is so sweet as he melts at your every word. He is not used to this type of tenderness and he might get addicted to it if you keep going like this.

As Mammon's brain processes the words you just spoke, his heart fills with a mixture of shock and happiness.

It's like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders after expressing his feelings for you, and now, hearing you say you feel the same... he can't contain his emotions any longer.

He gazes intently into your eyes, his breathing shaky as he leans closer to you.

"Can I...?" he whispers, his gaze flickering down to your lips

You nod as your voice shivers “yeah…” your heart is beating faster and faster while he places his hands on your cheek and finally closes that little gap between you two.

As his lips gently met yours, a rush of sensations washed over you. It was a sweet and tender kiss, full of longing and desire. Mammon's hand trembled gently against your cheek as he deepened the kiss, pulling you closer with his other hand.

He couldn't believe this was happening. He felt even more dizzy as your hands wandered around his body. Your soft hand gliding against his hair made him feel euphoric as you deepened the kiss.

You were kissing him with a hunger even you didn't know existed. The way you were kissing him with such a fervor was driving mammon crazy as he was getting more worked up every second.

His hand went to your soft hair, tangling between his fingers as he kept kissing you. The sound you made when he tugged on your hair made his whole body shiver. Your sweet sound felt like music to his ears, and he was getting more greedy for you.

You felt yourself heating up with every touch, losing every sense, only wanting to feel him more. You gently pushed him back onto the couch without breaking the kiss. With a swift move, you swing your leg over his legs, straddling his lap, and pinning him down on the couch.

Mammon's eyes widened in surprise as you straddled him on the couch, pushing him back against the cushions. He looked up at you in a mixture of shock and excitement, his grip on your waist tightening as he tried to keep his composure.

He was blushing hard by your sudden bolt move as he held you by your waist carefully, not wanting for you to accidentally fall down.

His heart was racing, and he could feel your heat pressed against him. It was driving him crazy, and he couldn't help but let out a low moan as you positioned yourself on top of him.

His grip on your waist tightened slightly as he looked up at you, his expression a mix of surprise and desire. "Wh-what are ya doin?" he managed to stutter out, his voice shaky.

His breathless voice makes you come to your senses, and you realize what you are doing. “Uhh… s-sorry I can get up if you want…” you say breathlessly as you hold on to him by his shoulders.

Mammon's heart skips a beat at your sudden concern. Despite his surprise, he can't deny that he loves the feeling of you on top of him. He shakes his head gently, his hand still firmly holding your hip.

Mammon shakes his head, his grip on your waist not loosening. "No, no...it's okay," he says, his voice still shaky. He swallows, his adam's apple bobbing as he gazes up at you. "I... I don't want you to get up," he adds, a hint of pleading in his voice.

He swallows hard, his gaze still fixed on you. There is a hint of vulnerability in his eyes as he looks up at you, silently hoping that you won't leave.

He can feel the heat radiating from your body, the way your chest is rising and falling against his as you try to catch your breath. He glances down at your legs, straddling him, and a pang of desire shoots through his body.

His hands slid from your waist, down to your hips, and he gently pulled you closer to him.

“Ya look beautiful like this…” he whispered as his thumbs started to draw circles on your hips.

You whimpered softly as his hand traced down to your thighs. The voice you made snapped something in him and he started to kiss you roughly, like you were the last thing he was gonna taste.

You started to grind your hips on him to get some type of friction. The sensation made him realize how much he needed to feel you. He holds you by your hips tightly as he tries to feel you more.

You started to kiss his jaw and slowly go down to his neck as you kept moving your hips. You could feel his hardness fully now and you could feel yourself getting wetter every second passing by.

You start to nibble on his neck, leaving a tiny mark there and your hand moves to the hem of his shirt. You looked at him with your eyes full of lust as you asked “can i… take it off…” you gulped as you tried to catch your breath.

You wanting to take his shirt off made him feel like he was in the clouds. He quickly takes his shirt off with a one swift move, leaving his chest bare.

The way you were looking at him with hunger in your eyes, biting your lips as you checked him out with no shame… It was too much. He was gonna lose control if you kept this up.

“y/n i… are ya sure bout this… it's fine if you don't wanna keep goin’ alright” he said wanting to reassure you it was okay if you wanted to stop before it was too late.

You loved how sweet and caring he truly was. Making sure you were comfortable before doing anything else. You gently caressed his cheek. "I'm sure mams… i don't wanna stop… but it's fine if you want to…” you say.

Mammon felt a wave of relief wash over him as you reassured him that you wanted to continue. His heart was racing as he looked up at you, his eyes full of desire.

He gazes up at you for a moment, his eyes locking with yours, and he lets out a shaky sigh. "No… I don't wanna stop… I don't think I could even if I tried…" he says with a hint of desperation in his voice.

He caressed your hips, his hands grasping with a possessiveness that betrayed his growing desperation. “Just… tell me if ya want me to stop... a’right.”

You smiled gently as you caressed his cheek “I don't want to stop mammon… i dont think i can hold on much longer…”

Divider by:@cafekitsune

#kindlyduhh #obey me mammon x mc #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x reader #obey me shall we date #obey me fanfic #obey me x y/n #om! mammon #om! mc #x reader #soft mammon #obey me smut #obey me mammon smut #my first post #my first fic

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russellsppttemplates · 7 months ago

Text

Let me love on you a little more (Charles Leclerc)

Sometimes, it felt like what you were doing was a drop in the immense ocean, but Charles always made you feel a little better when you had the chance to go home

Note: english is not my first language. I based this on the news and stories I heard from people on the front line! This is in no way romanticising or summing up what happened, much less downplaying it! I hold huge huge respect and gratitude for healthcare workers!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: Covid-19 pandemic and themes associated with reader being a front line worker as a doctor (mentions hospitals, tests, death)

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

"You can follow the purple line to the testing site we have here", you told the elderly woman.

"Is it going to hurt too much? My neighbour had to get tested to weeks ago when she visited her family and she said it's uncomfortable", she mused.

"It's a little itchy, I have to admit it, but it shouldn't hurt you, just a little bit uncomfortable, Mrs. Loire", you attempted to soothe her, your usual hand on the patients' arm now a strongly inadvisable way to comfort them.

"Thank you, Dr. Y/L/N", he said, her eyes letting you know that behind her mask there was a big smile on appreciation and gratitude.

Taking temperatures and checking flu like symptoms was not how you thought your medical career would pan out once you chose your speciality, but the new normal was this and you were working your best to do what you got into medicine to do in the first place, improve and save lives.

"How many people have you sent to the testing site?", your colleague Marina asked you when she noticed that for now, there were no walk-ins or ambulances with new patients.

"Just this morning, twenty-five", you sighed, "the closest I got to a potential non-Covid case was the kid that broke his arm, but Ortho swooped him right from me".

"Are you truly so disappointed about not being on an Orthopedics case?", she chuckled, "you hated everytime you had to be on that floor", she argued.

"I'd do anything that isn't watching people die because we don't have enough equipment or because we don't know enough about this disease to stop it", you let your frustrations out.

"We're going to win this, Y/N", Marina squeezed your shoulder, "you're usually the hopeful one on the service, but I can hope for the two of us today", she replied earnestly, "I'm going to have lunch now, do you want to go with me and sit on opposite tables so I can at least look at your face without a mask from a distance?".

"Let's go, I'm starving and I'm going up to the ward this afternoon", you raised your eyebrows, tidying up the station for whoever would cover the afternoon shift there.

As you walked to the area you had lunch in, you were happy to find the sun shinning outside on the green park area where you or the patients' family would take them to get fresh air when they were still admitted and recovering. It wasn't a thing now for obvious reasons, so you and Marina ended up in there keeping a safe distance while enjoying the feeling on the sun on your bare skin.

"Do you sometimes feel like you're losing all sense of time in there?", Marina nudged to the big building, "my mother's birthday was yesterday and I thought it was still a month away - she called me to say she had left a piece of cake for me by my door".

"Yesterday, Charles called me and told me he has going to wash my favourite hoodie of his and then wear it around the house so that by the time I came home it was nice and smelling the way I liked it. Then I reasoned with him that it wasn't this weekend because how could it be? Then I realised he was right", you took a spoonful from the tupperware.

"Are you spending the weekend at home?", Marina asked, smiling at how you seemed to finally be taking care of yourself.

You had been one of the doctors who didn't mind staying for longer in the hospital, reasoning that you didn't have kids and fortunately your family members didn't need assistance so you could cover more shifts and work as much to keep everything running smoothly. It caught up with you as it did with all your colleagues so you set specific times in your calendar where you would go home and, barring any catastrophic situation at the hospital, no one would call you for the days you spent home so you could fully relax with Charles.

"Yes, five days at home and then I'm back", you sighed, "and you? How is your little one doing?", you asked.

"My wife texted me an hour into my shift to say that Milo had a Skype call with his class and their teacher and he said his mama was in the hospital being a hero", she gave you a big smile and looked up to control the tears, "it's hard being away from them, but these little moments help", she added.

"Charles does streams with his friends, and apparently he's always mentioning me and the people on the chat have been very supportive - whenever he calls me he tells me that some fans recognise my voice and my name from the virtual appointments and that they've been here and treated by me, too", you blushed, "He's always hyping me up and I can't wait to be with him".

Stopping by the coffee machine, you both got another expresso shot before parting ways since Marina wasn't on the Covid ward for that shift.

"We've just intubated three more patients", the doctor finished her rounding up to you and the rest of the team that would take over for them, "beds five and six aren't looking good and we've alerted their family members already", he nudged.

Everyone knew what it meant when it came to calling the families, so you nodded, "hopefully they'll get here on time, have them page me downstairs when they arrive, please", you asked one of the interns before you excused yourself to put your personal protective equipment on.

"Is that you, Y/N?", one of the younger kids you had treated said as you got out of the room.

"Yes, it's me! You have a good eye, Arlo!", you smiled before noticing nurse Francesca pulling his wheelchair, "are you going home, sweet boy?", you gasped.

Arlo had been the first child you treated in the ward, only having seen adults up until that moment and it changed a switch in you. A small child struggling so much seemed to shake something inside you, and every time you called his parents with updates, you wished that you'd never have to make the dreaded call.

"I am, my lungs are all good and I'm not warm anymore!", he smiled, "I finally get to go home, my parents are downstairs waiting for me. Did you give Charles my thank you hug for the cap?", he asked.

When you noticed the little boy talking about the last Monaco GP and how he hoped one day he would be able to meet his favourite driver, Charles Leclerc, you couldn't find it in you to keep your relationship undisclosed. So, when you went home the last time, you asked Charles to sign one cap for you and told him to be ready for a FaceTime with the little boy. Arlo was the happiest you had seen him since he had been admitted, lighting up when he saw your boyfriend on the screen and giving him a few smiles despite his tired and sick state.

"I haven't been home yet, but I will give him the biggest hug at the end of the week!", you smiled, "I'm so happy for you, Arlo!", you gushed, making the gesture to blow him as kiss as he waved goodbye.

There were good stories, and even though they in no way erased the sad ones, they helped you carry on with the fight.

Laying on the on-call room after your shift, you took off your mask since no one else was allowed inside it other than you, doing your usual routine and setting your phone in the window sill.

"Hey, amour", Charles said on the phone, "how was your day?", he asked as he watched you towell dry your hair.

"Hey, mon coeur", you offered him a small smile, "I'm so tired I can't guarantee I won't fall asleep in a minute".

"It's okay, I won't mind. Did you get tested?", Charles asked as he seemed to be tucking himself to bed as well.

"Yes, another swab up my nose", you flashed him two thumbs up, "I'll have the results in the morning and hopefully I can get out of here for a few days and spend them with you and not quarantine in a hotel room", you crossed your fingers, "I don't have any symptoms, but still, you never know with this bastard".

"We'll spend it together, amour", he comforted, "I already have a lazy couple of days planned out for us", he smiled as you too tucked yourself on the oncall room bed.

"That sounds amazing", you closed your eyes briefly, "I can't wait to be with you", you yawned.

Charles knew better than to start anything important, just happy to see you were resting, safe and sound, making small talk to lull you to sleep before he ended the call.

After attending the virtual meeting so you could update the next team on how the service was running before you left, the results from test came back negative, which meant you could finally drive home.

Unlocking the door, you stepped inside as you heard commotion coming from the living room, "stay away while I put all of this in the cabinet", you warned Charles.

He was quick to go to the bedroom, getting his hoodie and a pair of shorts for you, "as much as I'd love to hold you all day looking like that", your boyfriend nodded to your figure in just underwear, "I think you'll be more cosy in these", he approached you as you finally let him touch you, his arms going around your waist and pulling your bodies closer, "I've missed you so much, Y/N", he whispered.

"I missed you so much, too", you pulled your face away from his chest before kissing his lips in a proper greeting.

Charles guided you to the living room after you got dressed in his clothes, stopping by the kitchen door to check if you had a proper breakfast to which you said yes, so he took you to the sofa, snuggling you two under the blanket as he put one of your favourite shows on the TV.

"I love you, Charles", you would say every now and again, completing the affectionate moments with a kiss or a squeeze.

During the afternoon, you and Charles ended up napping on the sofa, Charles waking up with you still fast asleep on his chest, making him kiss your forehead a couple of times and pull the blanket to cover you up.

"How long was I out for?", you rubbed your eyes two hours later, looking up to see your boyfriend's smile.

"A couple of hours, it looked like a really good nap", he kissed your nose.

"Yes, it was", you squeezed his body, "I'm really craving some carbonara for dinner, do you think we have what the recipe needs?", you questioned.

"We do - I did the food shop earlier this week and I got all of the supplies", he smiled, brushing your hairs away from your eyes and behind your ears, "do you want to get started on it?".

"Yes - I need to pee first, but I'll meet you in the kitchen", you winked, pecking his lips multiple times before getting up.

As he watched you walk to the bathroom, thoughts came flooding in.

This is what he wanted with you. Cosy intimacy that went beyond what happened in the bedroom. The domesticity that went beyond just spending time together and that shines through in the little moments of intertwined routines, special requests and little talks in the middle of the night about random existential questions.

Stepping into the kitchen, Charles gathered the ingredients, pots and pans before you stepped inside too, hugging his waist and nuzzling your face on his back, "you're so comfy, Charlie", you cooed before he turned around so he could face you, cupping your cheeks and rubbing them.

"And you're so gorgeous, mon coeur", he complimented, making you melt inside as you focused on the pads of his thumbs against your skin.

Slicing the guanciale, you removed the rind and cut the rest into small pieces while Charles grated the pecorino cheese and added the egg yolks to the same bowl, the pasta already cooking with the timer on the side.

Scrambling everything into the pot one last time before adding the pasta water a little bit at a time until it was spot on as you liked, making you serve it up in the plates and head back to the sofa.

"Haven't you had enough of the sofa?", you giggled as Charles let you sit before he placed the tray on your lap, doing the same with his own, "I know I haven't had the energy for much else, but maybe tomorrow we can go hike if you'd like", you suggested.

"I want to spend time with you, wherever you are - you're in the sofa, I'm in the sofa, you're in the kitchen, I'm in the kitchen, if you're in the bathroom, I'm in the bathroom", he stated like it was clear as water.

"Maybe not when I'm in the toilet, though, okay?", you squinted as he laughed at your antics.

Charles tidied up after the both of you, sending you to the ensuite bathroom for a bath he'd join you in as soon as he was done.

"You didn't get in?", Charles slumped his shoulders slightly as he saw you sprawled out on the bed.

"I was partially in a food coma, but also - I didn't want to get in alone and the water was a little too hot so I had to let it cool for a bit", you smiled, letting him pull you up and into the bathroom.

Stepping inside the bathroom, Charles grabbed your hips, "let me love on you a little bit more, mon coeur", he said as he pulled you to him, grabbing the hem of the hoodie you were wearing and taking it off of your torso, kissing the skin on your shoulders.

As he stopped his ministrations on your skin, you took the opportunity to take his t-shirt off while you shimmied your shorts and underwear, caressing his muscles before he also took the rest of his clothes off.

"Feels good", Charles dipped his fingers in the tub, getting in himself so he could help you sit between his legs and lay your back on his chest.

Your boyfriend brought his hands together and formed a shell shape with them, collecting water in them and wetting your shoulder blades, then letting it cascade down your neckline, boobs and tummy before he let his hands wander around to feel your body, hoping it would show you his love and appreciation for you.

After you got out, Charles rubbed your products on your face, giggling when you made little faces before you put on pyjamas, tucking into bed and cuddling his chest.

"You know I've missed you so much, but our bed feels heavenly right now", you chuckled, kissing his naked chest, "I love you, Charles", you mumbled before sleep took over you.

"I love you, beautiful girl, sleep tight", he whispered against your hair, kissing the top of your head before he rubbed your back.

Charles was woken up from your body moving a lot and the clammy feeling of your hand on his chest, looking for your face and noticing the crease on your forehead, "hey, amour", he gently shook you awake, "wake up for me, please, it's okay, you're okay", he urged as you opened your eyes wide as you took in where you were.

"I'm home, I'm home", you mumbled, taking deep breaths like Charles encouraged you to once you sat up, doing them with you a couple of times until you calmed down.

"You are, mon coeur, you are", Charles kissed your forehead when you rested your back against the headboard.

After standing there in silence while Charles played with your fingers on your lap, you were able to speak about it, "I hit five this week", you mumbled, "five people who have died on my watch since this thing started, five family members I've had to call to tell them their loved one didn't make it.

"And it's a small number when you compare it to other countries - so many colleagues are already on their one hundredth, but Monaco is so small", you reasoned, "I haven't had a number this high since I started at the hospital - in my regular service, I never lost five people".

"It's not your fault, amour - a virus is out there and you're working so hard to contain it", Charles pulled you to his chest, rubbing your arm up and down and kissing the side of your head, "the work you're doing with the testing site, making sure to slow the spread and ensuring everyone is as healthy as they can be - you're part of that, Y/N, and even though it doesn't seem like it, you're still winning, you're still beating the universe".

"I couldn't do it without you", you mused and Charles' scoff alerted you, "it's true, Charles! I would never be able to stay at the hospital for so long if you weren't supportive, if you weren't helping my parents and making sure they're doing okay when I can't do it! The way you support me and are there for me - the way your holding me like you always do", you snuggled further into him, "this helps me keep going - you do", you kissed his jaw, seeing his blushed cheeks in the dimly lit bedroom.

"We're a good team then", he accepted the compliment, kissing your temple again, "do you think you can go back to sleep or maybe we could have a chat, watch some TV, have a lazy makeout session", he wiggled his eyebrows.

"That last idea sounds great, I've missed that", you rolled over properly, taking his lips in yours as his hands roamed along your tummy.

#charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc x you #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader

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koiir · 1 year ago

Text

IM SUPER SHY, SUPER SHY!

In which you/he starts to realize his feelings

𓈒࣪ 𐐪𐑂 ─ Characters: xiao, Scaramouche, ayato, kazuha x gn!reader

𓈒࣪ 𐐪𐑂 ─ Genre/content : fluff | Drabbles based on “super shy”

A/n: I’m super shy super shyy | not proofread

But wait a minute while I make you mine, make you mine

Xiao doesn’t know how long he will keep this up, how long will he admire you from the sidelines as you chat away with others? What if someone takes their chance and whisk you away? Xiao feels like a fool for not doing anything about these feelings, he can only sigh as he looks out the window.

Xiao really wishes he can die in this moment, cause after hearing venti’s words he thinks he just might pass out.

“I asked out [name] for you! You two will have a cute little date xiao aren’t you happy?!” Xiao gives an annoyed expression as he scoffs, he doesn’t…you agreed? Why would you agree? Xiao doesn’t know what to make of this, but maybe he’s a little happy at venti and what he did—cause now xiao has a chance, a chance to make you fall for him.

It’s the day of supposed “date” that you and xiao have, you seem to be calm unlike xiao who is trembling as he walks up to the table you sit at in the cafe. He has the smell of cafe and sweets in his nose and he sits down seeing you so up close like never before.

“Hi xiao!” You say with a warm tone, he replies back. “Hey” it’s short but he makes sure he isn’t blunt like he always is, hoping not to make you nervous or unpleased. To his surprise, you and xiao get along quite well, being able to make the conversation flow. He feels his heart thump as he makes you laugh, this is a good start…

It’s a while after you xiao and leave the cafe, for you two to stroll through the park nearby. He feels like this is a dream, being so close to you and almost being able to hold your hand. Maybe in the future, he tells himself.

Maybe xiao is glad venti has done this, maybe now he can spend the rest of his weekends like this because as you two sit down you ask him a question.

“Do you want to hang out another time xiao? I really enjoyed today.”

It’s like you have something over xiao, cause he can’t stop stuttering even after he tried to calm down. “O-Oh, yeah yeah that’s fine…when?” He hopes you don’t notice his voice shake, but you only laugh as you hand him your phone.

The move was the last straw for xiao as he can’t handle his heart thumping, he swears you can probably hear it…. As he takes your phone, his face is blushed realizing the karma he gets for keeping in these feelings for this long. It’s like he’s only falling deeper and deeper into you.

Trembling even now, you’re on my mind all the time

Scaramouche taps his foot as he grumbles and mumbles, recalling the words from that idiot he hates so much. “Bro it’s so obvious you’re jealous stop staring at them like that…”

Why would he be jealous? How they hell does Childe know about his feelings?

Scaramouche thinks back when he saw you talking with that guy that was clearly flirting with you….how could you not see it? You kept talking to that dude, why?! He felt so…frustrated knowing you were just ordering something clearly not having noticed Scaramouche with Childe in the same cafe as you.

He watches your figure as you walk back to your table as you study, he sees you go on your phone and wonders. Are you alone? Is someone else coming? Do you have a study date…with someone?

“Ayy scara, stop staring.”

Ugh, he’s back. Childe walks back looking over at where you are seated at, noticing Scaramouche has his gaze locked onto you. He can only look away with a faint blush on his face as he realizes he can truly never take his eyes off you.

“Shut up Childe before I get up and leave.”

He snickers at the indigo’s response, knowing he worked up Scaramouche gets when it comes to you. Childe can’t help it though, does Scaramouche not really understand his own feelings? Well, it doesn’t surprise him much since it is him.

“Look, it’s clear that you like [name] it’s not like you don’t watch their ever move or do anything in your power to get closer to them.” Childes words for once seem to affect Scaramouche as he ponders the question.

“After so many months….I still can’t get you off my mind.”

He thinks back onto when you two started talking, and wonders what more could come if he does something. What more could become of you two is he takes control over the situation?

“And what is it to you if I like [name]? Huh?”

Childe can only grin as he hears the words come out of Scaramouche, finally being able to come to terms with feelings for once. For you.

And I wanna go out with you / Where you wanna go?

Knock. You hear the knocking and you immediately open the door to see Ayato standing there with a bouquet in hand as he gives you that charming smile of his. You sigh as you look away feeling flustered seeing him like this, but it’s not the first time ayato has done this. You don’t know how long it’s been since ayato has started to pursue you, not like you’re complaining though.

Ayato has always been a gentleman, that’s what others tell you when they see you two interact.

“He’s clearly head over heels for you, do you see all the little things he has done for you?”

Maybe you have, but at the time you thought it was Ayato just being caring. Guess not. Cause he definitely…wouldn’t act like this with anyone else, the way he holds your hand is intimate that it makes you feel safe almost as if he is protecting you.

You two take a walk around the city, the citizens definitely not expecting ayato to be in the public eye like this. Holding your hand as you two make it clear that you are his and he is yours.

It’s the way his voice is smooth like honey whenever he does an act of service for you, it’s the way ayato seems to do anything for you. It certainly doesn’t help how easily flustered you are getting by his actions, it almost makes you forget the day is coming to an end.

The stars are in view as you look up, feeling the presence of ayato next to you as the wind moves through his hair—you can’t help but be memorized by ayato with the way his skin is almost glowing under the moonlight. You shiver slightly since the night is becoming colder as the seconds pass.

Ayato sees this as he already has his eyes on you, he makes another move out of the many he has today and takes of the jacket he usually always wears and drapes it over your shivering body.

“There…that should help.” You feel him so close as he says those words to you in your ear, pulling you closer to him so you can feel his warmth.

Your eyes widened at his action and you feel yourself gasp slightly, it’s almost like you’re stuck in a daze as ayato holds you. You don’t know what to do or say, you only snuggle closer and hold his jacket close to your body feeling the warmth from his jacket.

Ayato smiles, he can’t help but feel happiness in his heart at it seems to only grow more and more stronger for you. It’s almost like you understand what he is feeling, cause in that moment you feel your heart thump making it clear that he’s the reason. The reason for your fluttering heart and growing feelings for him.

Can you see my eyes suddenly shine / When you say I’m your dream

Kazuha feels glad to have you here next to him, he watches you skim through the documents as you stare with so much focus. He knows how you work, you tend to work alone and be independent without the help or presence of others until it is needed—so Kazuha feels special knowing you came to him.

He doesn’t mind the solitude of this moment, he doesn’t care if no words are spoken between you two—because all Kazuha craves is to be like this with you forever.

He smiles, seeing your brows furrow as you mouth something while trying solve the problem and come up with the solution for this.

“Thinking?” He asks you, you nod while looking away from the files and back to him. You see the soft smile on his face, you can’t help but feel a sense of relief knowing he’s here with you.

“You know, you can leave Kazu and do other things.

Isn’t it boring watching me for this long?”

Kazuha knows that no matter what he will never get bored, not if it’s with you. He thinks hard for the best words to tell you, wanting to tell you only the truth and make you realize how deep he feels for you.

“You say that but know I’ve always stayed by your side even if you’re working and no words are exchanged.

I like this, you give me the comfort I need whenever I think of home [name]. It’s almost like…you’re my home.”

Kazuha doesn’t usually see you get surprised so easily, but the way your eyes widened tells a different story.

You look away, feeling his words impact you with your feelings overtaking you. You feel your heart thump, you feel yourself become flustered at his words. You were scared this was only chaining him down, but it’s not Kazuha has ever done anything to make this theory true.

You know he is saying the truth, Kazuha has only ever been truthful with the words he says. And with the way he took time to think about his words, you know he views it as a fact.

Kazuha knows he’ll follow you wherever, he will always look for a new adventure with you. He can’t imagine going alone anymore without you by his side.

“What do you say [name]? Tell me, I’m all ears.” Kazuha and his smile make you look back at him, he now has his hand placed over yours as he awaits your answer.

“I’ll go wherever you want Kazuha, I’ll be your home.”

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cleopatra-x · 1 year ago

Text

Worth It (18+)

Pairing | Aemond Targaryen x female reader

Summary | Until your wedding night, Aemond never allowed himself have his way with you.

Warnings | SEXUAL CONTENT - DNI; exhibitionism, light ass play, degradation, light spanking

word count | 1.4k

Notes | Sorry for not posting, my power was out for a while. NOT proof read. Divider by @princessbellecerise

Aemond never allowed himself have his way with you.

He would often stop you, avoiding the act to not bring shame on his reputation and family. He was so righteous that it nearly blinded you with rage. You just wanted him inside of you, is that truly so much to ask for?

Though you would never admit it, you went so far as to grind yourself against multiple objects. You knew it was entirely improper for a noble woman like yourself to do such wanton things but everything about Aemond Targaryen turned you on. It was extremely frustrating.

Despite him constantly denying you, he was extremely good to you. He was understanding, and did everything for you.

Today was your wedding day, and it is time for celebration. Lords from all of the seven kingdoms gathered here today and enjoyed a grand feast. You knew it wouldn’t last long, your husband was not the type to enjoy big crowds. He nodded or hummed whenever someone approached to congratulate the two of you.

You subtly placed a hand on Aemon’s leg causing him to finally look at him. “How soon can we retire?” You whisper, keeping a neutral expression.

His eye roams over your face, trying to figure out what you’re thinking. “Just a few minutes, my love.” He squeezes your hand lovely- not understanding your intentions- before turning to conversate with his grandsire, Otto.

You huff childishly, and slipped your hand out of his. It was your wedding night, you felt that his attention should solely be on you

Though Aemond kept his composure, you could tell he was getting annoyed by your behavior. Maybe you were overreacting but you couldn’t allow yourself to care in the moment. He didn’t even dance with you.

He harshly gripped your forearm, out of eyesight, before grazing his lips against the shell of your ear. “Don’t be a brat, dear wife. Calm yourself.”

You rolled your eyes in response, yanking your arm out of his threating grip. “Make me.” You shrugged innocently, hoping he would finally get the idea.

His eye widened in realization, he was still visibly annoyed with the way you were acting.

He abruptly stood, pulling you up with you. The action caused the entire room to fall silent, “We will be retiring for the night, mother.” He spoke directly to Queen, ignoring the stares of your guest.

Without the Queens’ approval, he all but dragged you out of the hall.

Everyone cheered and congratulated you both as you walked through. All the men patting your husband on the back, saying lewd things about what’s to come. Aemond doesn’t entertain their jesting. Even though what you’re about to do is no secret, it is still quite embarrassing.

You were relieved that the Queen had deemed the traditional bedding ceremony an affront to the Seven. You feared having old men watch you lose your maidenhead.

The walk to your quarters was tense and silent, each with their own thoughts. You began to regret having an attitude, you didn’t want to ruin your wedding night after all. He was so patient and you were indeed being a brat.

“Aemond..” you wanted to apologize before entering your marital chambers.

“Quiet.” He commanded, the threat clear as day in his voice.

You knew you were a lot to handle at times, but you still cared about his feelings. Heavy guilt arose into you, hating yourself for being annoying. You swallowed audibly, deciding to ignore his order.

“I apologize for―,” your words fell short when your newly wed pushed you up along one of the walls. His solid front pressed against your back. Your chest rose and fell with noticeable breaths, the harsh action taking you by surprise.

You inhaled deeply feeling his warm breath tickle your cheek. “You were too busy being wanton to show respect to your husband?”

You simply nodded, deciding not to talk back. He was your husband now, you were to obey his every command. You felt oddly small with him towering behind you. You couldn’t help but find his size advantage over you to be quite exciting.

Thankfully, you hear the celebrations continue, so no one should be strolling these halls― but anyone could

If anyone were to pass in the hall and witness the two of you so close, you would surely be the topic of gossip for the whole year.

The shameful thought sends a jolt of pleasure down your spine, arousal trailing down your inner thighs.

“I’ve been far too lenient with you, little one.” As he spoke, you could feel his hardened cock against your backside, making your eyes widen. “Lift up your wedding dress, love.”

You nearly choked on your spit when he breathed out his last sentence. Sure, you’ve fantasied about him taking you in public, but you didn’t ever think it would become a reality.

“Aemond.. you can’t possibly―,”

A swat across your backside made you yelp, the sting forced you to press your thighs together in anticipation. Knowing what that meant, you raised your dress, the cool air burning your dripping core.

His large hand trailed down, reaching between your legs, suddenly cupping your cunt into his hand. The action made you arch, your nipples getting hard as they were pressed up against the stone-cold war.

Whining, you squirm your hips against his hand, seeking any friction, only to be rewarded with another slap, this time on your sopping cunt.

He traced up your slit to work your bud. When you gasped and tilted your head back, he took the advantage of the gesture and bit down on your neck. He kept rubbing your bud till it was engorged and sensitive beneath his gaze.

“I truly love your cunt.” He groans as he ruts against your backside, getting himself off. “You feel what you do to me?”

He slowly eased a finger into your cunt. You choked on a gasp, whimpering at the sudden sensation. Your body desperately clenched around him. Loud moans filled the empty halls.

He spanked you again, making you hiccup, “I said do you feel me.”

You nodded immediately, not daring to question him and possibly make him stop. “Yes, I feel you husband.”

Your stomach clenched, the pressure and pleasure of his fingers built in your core. You freed your breasts from your dress and sighed as the wind blew against your pebbled nipples.

“It feels so good, more, please.” You cry, the cold against your harden peaks becoming nearly painful. On cue, he increased his pace. Lewd wet sounds accented your moans. Your body felt as if it was on fire, your cunt deliciously full, the thickness of his fingers stretching you out, just the way you imagined.

“Maybe this was all you needed,” he groans, shoving his fingers deeper. “Something between your legs to shut you up.”

He gathered your slick with his other hand, dragging it up until it set on your puckered hole, circling the rim of it slowly, spreading the arousal, as his other fingers continue to assault your cunt.

The foreign sensations makes you whimper pathetically, and you push your hips towards him, seeking more.

Slowly, he pushes the tip of his thumb inside your arse. The stretch feels odd to begin, but you like it. You felt and heard him spit on your tight hole, emitting a loud moan from you.

“Aem..” you were half-mad with pleasure, each thrust making you feel like you were in heaven.

“You like having both of your holes filled, don’t you, dear wife.” He bites your earlobe, all of these sensations overpowering you.

“Oh gods― yes, I love being filled.” Beautiful white pleasure enveloped you. During your orgasm, your spine flexed, your nipples hardened, and your cunt spasmed around his fingers. A low cry warbles from your throat against the wall at the feeling.

Your vision turned dark as your blood rushes into your ears, losing control of your limbs. A flood of moisture flows from you, but you're not entirely aware of it because you're far too engrossed in your ecstasy.

You immediately snapped out of your haze at the sound of shoes pattering on the ground. Realizing and shame flooded your body, knowing what you and your newly wed did was morally wrong.

“I will be going to our marital chambers.” Your husband was also aware of the upcoming presence, “Come with me and I’ll fuck my seed into you, or you could get caught by whoever.”

You’ve never moved so very quickly, righting your dress and scrambling after him. Deciding to ignore your wetness gushing out of you.

You were finally receiving what you wanted all along.

#aemond targaryen smut #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen #aemond one eye #fic rec #aemond the kinslayer #aemond x you #hotd #aemond smut #aemond targaryen x reader #hotd smut #prince aemond targaryen #hotd x reader #hotd fandom #hotd fanfic

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snakeredbirdbatkatana · 8 months ago

Text

Damian has been in the family for a while he has made his peace with Drake understood that no matter what he has a place but he still can't understand the dynamics. Maybe it isn't exactly the most intelligent choice to track down Todd and ask but he figured it was the best option.

Sitting on Todd's couch in the middle of crime alley eating a dish he can only vaguely remember his mother making he isn't exactly regretting it yet.

"So let me get this straight bat brat, you don't get how people work so you came to me?" Todd's confusion isn't exactly surprising but it is unhelpful to his plight.

"No I understand people, well when I have to I do not understand the bats." He at the moment can't bring himself to actually act with the dignity his mother expects of him another way Gotham had corrupted him.

Jason can't say he expected to feed and be interrogated by the demon brat he just wanted to relax but this isn't exactly a surprise now that the kid has chilled out he was almost waiting for it.

"You want me to give you a cheat sheet to how our family actually works becusse you are now realizing that Talia didn't understand shit and it fucked you?"

He can't keep the pure joy out of his voice knowing that he is actually gonna get to knock the kid down a peg after today.

"Not in those words Todd but I understand you have a perspective that I may lack."

God demon looks pissed below the joy he understand that this is actually important and he needs to explain this well knowing this could make or break the already pretty fucked up kid.

"Alright listen and don't fucking interrupt me save your questions and bitchness for the end do I make myself clear."

Holding the kids eyes he sees the kid is actually paying attention as he nods maybe Dickie really did find out the secrets housebreaking who knows.

"Ok let's start with me and I'm gonna be sappy for ten seconds and if you ever repeat this I will shoot you and put you in another duffle bag ok, ok good. I'm your brother I love you would kill for you that whole bullshit. I'm also Dick's, and Tim's brother, on days I don't want to kill the old man I'm his son."

God he's gonna need a smoke after this bullshit fuck he sees the kid is nodding good he hasn't lost him.

"Now Dick is my older brother he's not yours you can lie to yourself all you fucking want but he's your dad teaching you how to be a real boy and all that shit."

He sees an embarrassed flush and the start of protests but he's not dealing with it that bullshit the kid can work on in his own time.

" You wanted it your gonna fucking hear it, now Tim-Tam the sleep deprived idiot is a bit more complicated."

He takes a breath trying to put into words what he wants to say.

"Why is Drake complicated wouldn't he be somewhat easy" the confusion isn't a good sign maybe it is better the kid came so he can restrain him if he has too.

"Tim is the best of us alright, he's someone I want to protect I love him truly even if he's an annoying little shit. Now listen Tim is a lot like you when it comes to Dick crossing the line between Dad and Brother. Tim will always side with Dick that's his Robin and Tim is Dick's. You can't be a jealous little shit here because I don't even fully understand them."

"Bruce isn't Tim"s dad at least on his end Dick is, Bruce loves Tim but no one can ever replace Dickie just like you which is honestly half the reason you hated the kid."

Damian is now regretting this conversation he thought this would be simple once again he has somewhat lost his mind since coming to Gotham.

Yet he knows Todd's right that the way Grayson looks at Drake is the same look he gets and the same part of him who loves his animals and loves Richard feels guilty because he knew. He just didn't want to admit it.

"Why I don't understand why is Timothy so different to any of us even you, both of us tried to kill him yet he seems to matter so much"

frustration is leaking through but this is what he wanted to know why Drake is so important even to him why, what is so special about him.

Todd is hesitating but slowly steeling himself Damian cant help but to copy him knowing whatever comes out isn't gonna be easy it's gonna hurt but he asked didn't he.

"Tim was the first, the one to really unlock Dick not being well a dick he knows parts of all of us, secretswhatever, the shit that matters. Bruce, Dick, me even you, we don't run shit ok Wayne Entetprises, plans Tim does. Dick and Tim are the glue holding us together without them we would be fucked you know that."

"That's what's so special about him everything we do Tim has a part of he's genuinely irreplaceable and it bothers the fuck out of both of us."

Damian can't breathe he just runs words he never wanted admitted are stabbing through his mind he doesn't stop until somehow he ends up in his bed at the manor he just hides pushing it down the real reason he tried to kill his brother the fact that he almost broke the family he just hides he shouldn't have asked.

Maybe Richard was right being naive was a gift and now he can't go back.

#batfamily #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne #this is so not flushed out this is a mess #bruce wayne #tim drake #batfam #ehhh it's something

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skepsiss · 1 year ago

Text

Modern Problems, Modern Solutions pt 1

Pt2

I have like 4 other parts to this written already but I'll post em when I have time to edit. Yearning with extremely awkward teen Steddie. Eddie as a proper 17 year old would be awkward as hell! I think at least. Additionally, there is quite a bit of swearing so you've been warned. Generally, I just wanted to explore EDDIE catching feelings first and being put out by that.

Modern day AU, or more or less modern give or take 5ish years circa 2015/19. I don't think this takes place in the Hawkins we know from the show.

Small American towns can be kinda backwards, but it varies a lot as to how open and accepting each town/state is. So, suspend disbelief and imagine it as a place that is tolerant of queerness. Also, read with the understanding that in a lot of places in this generalized time people think queerness is actually kinda "trendy" in some ways. It's not taboo but it's also extremely dependant on the person that is queer and "how queer they act". "be gay... but not too gay" etc.--

---

"Did you hear? Steve Harrington just came out as bi--"

Eddie looked up from his phone, feet propped up on the desk in front of him. The boy who had popped his head into their mostly empty homeroom had delivered the news so quickly that everyone there was quietly shocked.

"Son of a bitch," Eddie grumbled, putting his feet down and getting clumps of dirt on the linoleum floor. School hadn't even started and he was already having to deal with this bullshit.

"What?" Gareth asked, laughing a bit awkwardly. He sounded confused like he didn't understand where Eddie was directing his vitriol.

"Leave it to some preppy, jock, rich-boy to make 'being gay' cool--asshole," Eddie's words were drenched in sarcasm and mockery, going as far as to air-quote when he said being gay.

"I've been fucking gay since 8th grade and now some 16-year-old wannabe happens to be queer it's big news?" Eddie sat back with frustration, crossing his arms over his chest and slouching in his seat.

"I don't think you're supposed to say queer--" Jeff started to correct only to shut up quickly when Eddie whipped his head around to him and glared.

"I can say whatever the hell I want. I'm the one that's queer!" Eddie spat, hating that so much of this 'being gay is okay' culture circled around the heterosexual perspective of what was and was not okay.

Eddie grouched for the rest of the day, keeping his head down and feeling his nostrils flare every time a whisper of today's big news passed by him in the hallways. Who fucking cared? Steve Harrington was thee popular boy in school and was talked about as if he was their generation's teen heart-throb. It was to a point where Eddie knew who he was despite him being an underclassman. He was in grade 12 and he still had to hear about Steve Harrington as if he mattered. Sports star, good-looking, daddy's boy.

It was so goddamn annoying. Eddie had been out since he was thirteen and he had suffered through the humiliation of 'being queer' all the way through high school. He had the scars to prove it and it pissed him off that four years later it felt like people were singing Steve's praises for being brave enough to come out. Who fucking cared? Being gay was cool now or something--it gave you an edge and despite the fact that Eddie was bi himself, it truly felt like bisexuality was a cop-out to get girls to think you were hot with no intention to do the whole gay part of it. That was unfair to think, but in his biased opinion, some popular boy didn't deserve to be treated delicately while he had been in the trenches over it.

Eddie glared as the school day ended as he walked outside into the Autumn air. He could see Steve across the parking lot chatting to a gaggle of people around his car. He was smiling and laughing and everyone seemed so eager to let him know they accepted him. Or whatever the fuck. He couldn't actually hear what they were saying.

"Does the torture of high school know no fucking end?" Eddie grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets, not paying attention to where he was going.

"Tell me about it."

Eddie looked up at the sound of a voice; the words that were spoken dripped with sarcasm. Robin was leaning against her bike by Eddie, bag slung over her shoulder as she watched the fanfare from a safe distance--same as Eddie. Robin was president of the LGBT-Alliance club, and Eddie knew her from band. Robin was two years younger than him, but she had come in hot and loud about being a lesbian straight from jump. Despite how meek she was in many regards, she was smart and dedicated to her beliefs. Eddie could respect that.

"Get a load, huh?" Eddie asked, scoffing as he glanced back over at Steve.

"Hmm," Robin offered quietly, staring for a moment before starting to put on her helmet, "he's been coming to meetings pretty regularly over the last couple of months, you know."

Eddie looked back at Robin, surprised to hear her... defending Steve Harrington? He thought it was unanimous that geeks and weirdos like them hated guys like that.

"You'd know if you ever showed up for meetings," Robin said a bit flippantly, and Eddie frowned at her.

He had tried the whole LGBT-Alliance thing and it just wasn't his space. It was boring and he hated that the group generally just talked about events and progress they should make. He didn't want any of that, he just wanted to hang out with a couple of people that were queer like him. He didn't want to be scheduling and painting signs or whatever the fuck. He had his own things to do after school--band, D&D, chucking dirt wads at a wall--anything was better than sitting in what was essentially a business meeting.

"Come on," Eddie grumbled, not wanting to acknowledge that if Steve had been attending the LGBT-Alliance meetings that this 'leaving the closet thing' had been a long time coming.

"He's actually a decent guy," Robin defended as she adjusted her helmet straps, "all things considered."

Eddie huffed a laugh, scoffing at Robin.

"Didn't think I'd be hearing this from you, Buckley--I thought lesbians were supposed to hate all men or something," Eddie retorted, not really meaning it but feeling confrontational.

"Don't be a drag," Robin sighed, rolling her eyes at the comment, "talk to Will Byers about it or whatever. He's in your D&D thing, right?"

"Hellfire," Eddie corrected, thinking about that for a moment. Will was in both their clubs and he was close friends with Dustin--who also seemed to adore Steve Harrington for some reason. It was stupid, he didn't understand why half the kids in his after-school club liked the guy. Eddie had never had any personal conflict with Steve, but he fit the shape of every guy Eddie had ever taken issue with.

"Whatever," Robin retorted, getting onto her bike, "you know we're having a mixer next weekend. You should come."

Eddie looked at her, frowning again. He didn't want to go to a mixer, whatever she meant by that. Robin seemed to pick up on the mild confusion he had around the comment, explaining further.

"Geez, there's like posters around the school, Eddie. Our alliance and like 4 other schools in our district are having like an LGBT dance, mixer, party or whatever. Hosting in Talho on Saturday. We've got a pretty big turnout already, tickets are five bucks."

"Five bucks?" Eddie huffed, acting as if that number was ridiculous for an event like this. He didn't want to admit that it sounded kind of... nice. With four other school districts... that meant there would be a lot of guys that were undeniably queer he'd get to meet for the first time if he went. That was something. It'd really be something if he walked away with a date.

"I'll think about it," Eddie said, waving Robin off and continuing his slouch across the parking lot to start his long walk home.

—--

"Call me if you need a ride," Wayne said as Eddie shuffled out of the cab of the truck. He stood at the door, having to look up at Wayne in order to see him from how much the suspension of Wayne's old gas-guzzler hoisted the truck off the ground.

"Yeah, yeah," Eddie huffed, feeling put out already for having decided to come. He was having second thoughts as he stood there, holding Wayne's door.

"Eddie," Wayne said a bit more firmly, looking for a straight answer.

"I'll call if I need a ride home-- or whatever," Eddie replied, sounding annoyed as he shut the door and turned towards the school gym.

It was obvious where the event was being hosted and he felt weird showing up alone. He had decided to come after much lamenting, resigning himself to just chatting to Will all night if he hated the damn thing. It felt weird, and he quietly hoped that at least some people his age would show up. He didn't want to be stuck as the oldest person there amongst a sea of 14 and 15-year-olds.

The event wasn't formal, but Eddie had tried to clean up a bit. He'd left his leather jacket and vest at home, opting for just an old denim jacket and a T-shirt that didn't have a band or logo on it. Other than that, he was still in scuffed-up shoes and ripped jeans, but he hoped that didn't put people off. Not that it mattered. Not that he ultimately cared. He didn't want to talk to anyone who had a problem with it to begin with, but it still made him feel self-conscious. Really, he hadn't dressed up because he didn't have anything to dress up into. Even the debate of if this was worth five bucks or if he should save it in order to get the luxury of sub-par pizza next week had been a difficult choice to make. He hated showing up to things like this and sticking out like a sore thumb--he hated being easily marked as poor.

Eddie paid his entry fee and stepped into the gym; the decorations were tacky and everything screamed 'event put on by teenagers.' There was something kind of charming about that though, even if it felt a bit pedestrian. It was sort of as he feared though... there were people here--a decent amount--but everyone looked so... young. The realisation made Eddie tense a bit as he moved over to the refreshments table and idled before getting a drink.

Great. Just great. He had spent five bucks for an awkward night leaning against a wall and drinking fruit punch.

"Eddie!"

Eddie turned to see Robin waving at him. She had a vest with a button on it signifying that she was a leader in the club. She probably had responsibilities to attend to during the night, but she did look mildly excited to see him there.

Feeling like he didn't have much of an option, Eddie migrated in her direction, feeling very self-conscious about the whole thing.

"Hey, you made it," Robin offered, a few people hovering around her. It was sort of obvious that she was busy, but Eddie appreciated her taking the time to say hi.

"Yeah, figured I'd check it out at least," Eddie said, talking into his cup as he looked around the room. He didn't really have time to lament though as a small commotion worked its way towards them.

"Sorry--sorry!"

Eddie looked to see Steve Harrington making his way over to them with what looked like 4 dozen balloons. It was kind of comical really, seeing him try to fight past the sea of bobbing, colourful globes.

"Steve!" Robin said sharply, her volume subdued but still stern.

"Sorry--there was a hold-up--" Steve replied, awkwardly trying to move the balloons to see past them and talk directly to Robin.

"Oh—oh-How-what? A holdup?" Robin mocked back, tisking as she took a bundle of the balloons from Steve and handed them to the girls beside her.

"Uh, yeah, Buckley. There was a holdup, you gagging on ten-dollar lipstick or something?" Steve retorted quickly "looks good by the way." He was gesturing to the make-up Robin had on and the bright red lipstick she had applied which was fairly different compared to her usual look.

Eddie snorted into his cup, choking slightly as he tried to hold back from laughing at the burn. Robin looked offended for half a beat before smacking one of the balloons directly into Steve's face and taking the rest of the handful.

"Ow--hey," Steve complained, getting aggressively jostled as Robin walked past him.

Despite what was being said, the whole exchange had been... friendly. It was weird really, it looked and sounded like Robin and Steve were actually friends. They were toying with each other and being bitchy in a way Eddie had only ever seen best buddies do, which was really goddamn weird to see coming from a superstar, jock hunk, and the local raging feminist, band geek.

"You're on my shit-list," Robin commented, pointing over her shoulder at Steve and then bustling off with the other girls and the balloons. Obviously, they had been meant for decorations and Robin was now rushed to finish setting everything up. The whole exchange had been so quick Eddie hadn't even been able to properly react before he was standing there... with Steve.

Steve turned towards him and Eddie averted his gaze, still holding his punch glass up to his lips.

"Hey," Steve greeted, sounding much too charming.

"Hey," Eddie mumbled back, turning slightly and facing the room instead of looking at Steve. He didn't walk away, that felt like a bridge too far, but he wasn't going to open himself up to a conversation.

"Eddie, right?" Steve asked, and Eddie glanced at him, watching Steve push his hair back into place. He hadn't realised, but Steve was panting slightly, obviously catching his breath from... probably running in here to deliver Robin's balloons.

"Yeah," Eddie confirmed, looking away again as he slouched. Great. He was stuck talking to Steve with no obvious escape plan. Perfect.

"Steve--"

"I know who you are," Eddie replied, not letting Steve finish his introduction. It had probably just been to be polite anyway, but it was obvious that Eddie knew who he was. They went to school together. They had mutual friends. It wasn't rocket science.

That shut Steve up for a moment and chewed at Eddie's guts. That had been a bit rude. Steve hadn't actually done anything wrong, yet, so really he should just save it for another time. Steve was stuck here too after all, with a bunch of kids just like Eddie.

"Pretty... young," Eddie said, watching the gym as people mingled. It really was just a bunch of 14 or 15-year-olds chatting with one another. They seemed to be having fun, and Eddie was glad for that since he hadn't had anything like this when he was that age.

"Hm, yeah," Steve replied, sounding kind of amused for some reason. "Always the damn babysitter, huh?"

Eddie glanced at him for that comment, not really understanding where it was coming from.

"Yeah..." Eddie offered, wondering if he had said it because Hellfire Club also skewed younger. He had seen Steve drop Dustin off before, scolding him like a mother would over something, but he had never come inside to meet anyone at Hellfire. Eddie had just noticed it was all.

An awkward silence drew out between them and Eddie could tell that Steve was starting to feel uncomfortable too.

"You seen Will Byers anywhere?" Eddie asked, looking for an out. He knew that Steve knew Will, he was one of those mutual friends.

"Oh, yeah," Steve offered, not making a motion to point anywhere, "but I'd leave him alone tonight if I were you."

Eddie quirked a brow at Steve, something of a challenge in his stance as he looked at him. Why on earth would he leave Will Byers alone tonight?

"I drove him--" Steve half explained, obviously realising that he needed to elaborate, "that's why uh I'm--it doesn't matter. There's a boy here that he likes."

Eddie's eyebrows shot up at Steve's explanation, looking back at the floor and the sea of dweeby, little gays circling each other awkwardly. Oh. Right. This was a lot of people's first chance to do anything with someone queer like them. He hadn't considered that Will would have someone here he intended to talk to.

Eddie laughed, both at his own stupidity and the charming realisation that he was glad this whole thing was happening, even if he wasn't having a good time.

"Good for him," Eddie snorted, cheersing the room and taking a swig of his punch.

"God," Eddie sighed, finding the humour in this whole thing now, "who the hell am I supposed to bother now?"

He was lamenting for no real reason, wondering quietly to himself if he should hold out and wait to see if anyone else his age showed up or if he should just cut his losses and start the long walk home. At least then, once he got back, Wayne would just assume he got a ride and had a good time. He didn't want to admit to Wayne that he ditched, not after he had agonised over whether or not it was worth it to spend the five dollars. Wayne had supported him going and assured him it wasn't a waste if he wanted to go. Eddie didn't want to prove him wrong.

Eddie glanced at Steve, wondering how he was going to excuse himself now that his out was occupied. He caught Steve looking at him and quickly looked forward again, surveying the room. That was weird. Eddie took note of that, slowly looking back at the party unfolding before them.

"So... Bi, huh?" Eddie offered, not sure why he was trying. He'd give it until he finished his glass of punch and then he'd walk home if no one interesting entered the party.

Steve seemed to laugh a bit awkwardly to that, doing this weird thing with his hands where he clasped them behind his back and then swung them forward to clasp at his front. It was the most uncomfortable Eddie had ever seen him--not that he had paid a ton of attention to Steve before now.

Oh. Eddie realised, feeling his chest clench a little, this was a lot of people's first chance to talk to another queer person. He was the oldest one here, closely followed by Steve... they were both fish out of water. Steve had the club, but there weren't a lot of guys their age that Eddie knew of who were queer. Steve had been mingling with kids this whole time. He was the elder here... weird.

"Yeah, I didn't really expect it to become a whole... thing," Steve replied, shaking Eddie from his thoughts. Right, he had pointedly questioned Steve's sexuality. Classy.

"Yeah, well, they'll get over it," Eddie retorted, feeling a bit bad now that he had been so dismissive of Steve's attempt to talk to him.

"I mean, it's been fine, I guess," Steve replied, sounding unsure of himself but not exactly bothered. Eddie could understand that, he didn't have the same experience per se, but all the guys at Hellfire knew he was queer and it was fine. He could remember being unsure though how gay he got to act around them all. It had been awkward and uncomfortable to find the rhythm of where you all sat, even if no one was blatantly rejecting you.

"Feels like you and everyone else are walking on eggshells about it, right?" Eddie asked, sighing as he leaned back until he hit the wall behind them, slouching.

"Something like that," Steve replied, his words coming out slowly as he watched Eddie and then took half a step back to join him against the wall.

"My advice? Just don't fall in love with your best friends," Eddie joked, only half serious. It verged on real advice, but it wasn't like it was something you could help.

Steve laughed anyway, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, as if. No thanks."

Something about that made Eddie smile a bit. Steve had been so dismissive of the idea as if the mere mention of having a mild interest in some jock was unheard of.

Eddie took a swig of his punch, swallowing hard as he started to relax a little bit.

"I'm bi too, you know," he said, sucking his upper lip to get the rest of the juice off.

"I can't remember if I used that word when I came out though--people just sort of figured with me, I don't think I really had to tell anyone."

"Yeah?" Steve asked, sounding interested but not sure how to progress.

"Uh, c'ya, what do you think?" Eddie mocked back, flipping his long hair over his shoulders and then flicking it back with his hands from side to side as if he were walking down some kind of runway. Long hair didn't mean you were gay, but it was a step towards making people think you were.

Steve laughed at that too, properly this time without that edge of awkwardness to it. That, in turn, made Eddie smile a bit. He liked it when people found him funny, it felt good to make people laugh. It felt better still to be joking about something gay and not having to correct or explain anything to the other person. Steve was queer too, even if he was new at this, there wasn't that same level of judgment. Huh... funny though that he suddenly just accepted that Steve was queer when he had been put off by the idea initially.

The night carried on like that and Eddie was surprised to find... that he didn't mind talking to Steve all that much. There were quite a few cultural touchstones that he didn't have when it came to 'nerd shit' but he didn't seem to be annoyed by Eddie explaining those things to him if it was necessary. Eddie had gotten a bit louder and more loose before too long, even if he wasn't exactly buddy-buddy with Steve. And Steve, surprisingly, had stuck with him the whole night. Really, the event hadn't matured at all and Eddie had little desire to go mingle with the kids--especially when the kid that he knew here was probably trying his best to flirt. What the hell was he supposed to do? Walk up to a group of youngsters and just ask what they were talking about? "Trust me, trust me. I play games with children all the time!" Yeah, no.

Eddie's watch beeped at him and he looked at it, turning the little digital screen off. It wasn't that late, just past 10 really, but the longer he waited the more miserable the walk home would be.

"Well, that's my queue," Eddie said, pushing off the wall and leaving his cup on a table by them. "I should go."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, not regretting having come after all, but not really feeling like staying either. Steve had made the night bearable, but Eddie wasn't all that eager to keep it up.

"Why? Or you'll turn into a pumpkin?" Steve asked, teasing a little.

Eddie snorted at him, finding that line incredibly cheesy and in turn kind of funny because of that.

"Yeah, I've got to go traipse into the woods and take root or I'll start sprouting weeds like a chia-pet."

Steve chuckled at him, looking over to the doors. Eddie started walking towards the exit anyway, and Steve seemed surprised that he was actually going. He got off the wall and walked a few paces with Eddie before they both stopped, lingering a bit.

"I've just got to start walking home," Eddie explained, pinching his brows in, finding it kind of amusing that Steve seemed... concerned? He wasn't sure, it felt out of character for a cool guy to be following him.

"Walking home?" Steve asked, again, sounding surprised. "To Hawkins?"

"No to the moon, Bilbo was writing about me. Yeah back to Hawkins," he answered sarcastically, jamming his thumb towards the doors. Steve didn't seem bothered by the reply, even if he squinted for a moment with confusion with Eddie's mention of Bilbo.

"You live at Hawkins Trailer Park, right?" Steve asked.

The question instantly made Eddie tense, and he set his jaw a bit.

"Yeah, why?" He asked, sounding a bit defensive. He didn't like this line of questioning. It always felt weird when people commented on the fact that he lived in a trailer park. It especially felt weird coming from rich-boy Steve Harrington.

"Jeez, chill. I'll give you a ride, I live near there too," Steve explained, taking his keys out of his pocket and jostling them, "Hawkins is too far to walk to from here."

Eddie blinked at him a moment, floored by the offer for some reason.

"You don't have to do that, man," Eddie replied, feeling extremely awkward all of a sudden. "You should stay."

"And do what?" Steve asked, sounding amused. He looked over his shoulder at the crowd of young teens chatting and mingling before looking back at Eddie with a raised brow.

"Fair enough," Eddie replied, banishing his guilt for now. Steve was right though, Hawkins was far to walk to from here and there really wasn't a lot keeping Steve at the mixer. Will was getting a ride home from his brother and Robin was too busy fussing over every little thing to mingle. Plus, the event really would be closing soon so Steve didn't have to stay.

Eddie still felt awkward as he walked up to Steve's beamer and prepared himself to feel awkward the whole drive back to Hawkins. It was a nice car and he couldn't help but constantly think about how he had never been in a car this nice before. It wasn't brand-spanking new, but it almost felt like it with how clean it was. The car was spotless really and it was obvious that Steve took extremely good care of his ride.

"This is... uh, a nice ride," Eddie said, running his hands over the dash as Steve drove, before sitting back again.

"Thanks," Steve replied, chuckling a little. Eddie really was admiring the car; he wasn't a gear-head but he could appreciate a nice ride. Thrill bubbled in Eddie's stomach all of a sudden as he glanced at Steve.

"How fast can this thing go?"

Steve looked at him in turn, the moment drawing out between them before Steve's lips cracked into a smile.

"Want to find out?"

Eddie's eyes widened and he smiled back, surprised and pleased that his ask was being met. God, it was so stupid. They were being such teenagers right now. Steve in his daddy's bought, fast car with the punk, bad-influence kid in his passenger's seat ready to tear it up on the freeway.

Steve pulled off the main road and Eddie's stomach swooped with excitement. He didn't know where they were going but he figured Steve knew somewhere they could drive without hitting anyone. He didn't want to be stupid about it, maybe a bit reckless, but hey--they were young. When else were they going to do this shit?

Eddie leaned forward, turning on the radio and fiddling with the dial.

"What're you doing?" Steve asked, sounding amused as they drove towards some back, country road. Perfect.

"Finding the right music!" Eddie replied, sounding equal parts excited and exasperated for being asked. He was flicking through the dial quickly, only pausing for a beat or two before switching again until he found what he was looking for.

"You done?" Steve asked as Eddie paused for a moment longer to confirm that he liked the song. He looked at Steve before cranking the volume dial and sticking his tongue out.

"Let's fucking go," Eddie whooped, sitting back and bracing himself as he felt Steve hit the gas and they started rocketing down the road.

Fear mingled with thrill as Eddie sat back, holding onto the door as they drove down this pitch-black road. He shouted with excitement, obviously stressed but having a blast. Steve seemed cool as could be, smiling with the thrill of it too but none of Eddie's anxieties.

"Fuckin' hell--" Eddie managed as they reached a bend and Steve slowed down to take it. He started to decelerate, their quick little drag race having finished.

"We should do that again!" Eddie continued, panting a bit as he felt his heart pounding in his chest.

"Chill out--" Steve snorted, falling back into the rules of the road as he stopped at an unmarked rail crossing. "Cops like to drive around here--we'd be risking it."

"Boooo," Eddie called, smiling in a joking way. He understood and he wouldn't push it even if he wanted that adrenaline rush again.

"Another time then," Eddie replied finally, pausing for a moment as he realised he had assumed he'd be in Steve's car again for some reason.

"Sure," Steve answered back easily, chuckling a little.

Eddie glanced at him, before reaching to turn the music volume back down. He didn't turn it off though, needing the quiet metal to help settle him.

Steve sure did laugh a lot, didn't he? Was Eddie really that amusing?

Eddie felt his pocket buzz and he squirmed before taking his phone out. It was Wayne. He was asking if Eddie needed a ride, surely expecting that Eddie had lost track of time or something like that. Eddie let the car fall into silence as he replied back to Wayne, feeling a bit weird all of a sudden. He kept typing and retyping what to say.

No, I got a ride from a friend. Were Steve and him friends?

I'm good. Too vague, it would worry Wayne too much.

Some guy gave me a lift. That sounded sketchy as hell. Eddie just settled on 'no, I got a ride' and left it at that, but it made him feel weird regardless.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked, drawing Eddie's attention back to him.

"Oh, yeah, no, yeah. Just my uncle wondering how I was getting home," Eddie explained, feeling weird about Steve asking him something like that. Robin had been right... he really wasn't such a bad guy after all.

"So," Eddie said, breaking the silence, running his hands over the seat, "this car get you mad puss?" He asked, his tone jovial and teasing as he stuck his tongue out between his fingers, being lewd on purpose. He didn't know why his default was raunchy humour, but it had tumbled out of him before he thought too hard about it.

"God, shut up--" Steve replied in good humour, sounding surprised and amused by the sudden comment.

"I know I've got a reputation, but jeez, man," Steve laughed, driving them back onto the main road towards Hawkins.

"So... that a yes?" Eddie teased, enjoying this little banter.

"Yeah," Steve confirmed, before glancing at Eddie out of the corner of his eye with a wry smile.

Eddie burst out laughing at that, finding it more than a little amusing that Steve was leaning into the tease and taking it on the chin.

"Fuck, dude," Eddie giggled, not sure why that was just so amusing. It felt so weird to have good-boy, Steve Harrington talking to him about getting laid. This was so fucked up. This was so fucking weird.

"So," Steve started as Eddie stared out the window, still grinning to himself a bit, "how long have you known you were..."

Eddie glanced at Steve before lounging against the door, smiling at him.

"Queer?"

Steve looked at Eddie from the corner of his eye, obviously a little unsure of himself.

"You can say it you know," Eddie offered, crossing his arms and looking nonplussed. "If you are one, you get to say it as long as you're not like slurring it at someone or something. Welcome to the restricted section."

"Alright..." Steve replied, sounding a little unsure still. Eddie smiled at that too, finding it a bit charming how baby gay Steve was over the whole thing. He felt a bit superior all of a sudden, and he liked that feeling with Steve. He was in a fast car with the most popular boy in school and he was talking to him about how to be queer. What a trip.

"Since forever," Eddie replied, "I've known since forever. It was more weird for me to figure out that not everyone felt the same way. Like, girls--guys, whatever. Hot people are hot, end of story."

Steve nodded to that and Eddie tucked into the corner of his seat, feeling cool and relaxed as he watched Steve drive.

"You?"

Steve seemed to waffle a bit at the question, putting too much thought into it no doubt.

"I don't know," he finally replied, looking dissatisfied with his own answer, "somewhat recently, I think? It's like... I acknowledged it maybe a few months ago but, I don't know. Before that, I sort of felt like I was being dramatic or something? Like, obviously, I like girls so that's fine, it felt kinda... cliche?"

Eddie cringed a bit at the phrase Steve used, nodding his head and glancing away. He had much the same judgment towards Steve until recently. That had been unfair. It didn't matter that Steve was popular or that there had been less risk involved in his 'coming out' compared to Eddie. He was pretty and sporty and even if there was something a little cliche about an all-American boy like him turning out to be queer it didn't mean it was wrong.

"Your folks know?" Eddie asked, talking softer, not wanting to pry if Steve didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah," Steve answered easily, his tone unreadable. "They knew before I uh... came out socially?"

Eddie nodded, rubbing his head against the window and feeling the car vibrate under him.

"They... cool?" He asked, feeling a bit weird about the whole thing. He was older than Steve, but he didn't really feel like he was. Steve had so much... going on. He had his own car, activities, career paths--he seemed so put together. He was perfectly coiffed and dressed, his car spotless... Eddie was the exact opposite. He wanted to be a musician and he worked hard at it, but sometimes it felt like he was putting all his eggs in one basket.

"Uh.... yeah, mostly," Steve replied, sounding a bit hesitant.

"That great, huh?" Eddie asked, smiling lightly and trying to sound sympathetic.

"No, well, my mom seems pretty accepting of it. Unsure like... nervous? I don't know. My dad... I don't really know what he thinks yet. He's--it doesn't matter."

Eddie frowned slightly as Steve cut himself off. It was a personal topic and he didn't blame him for not wanting to share, but it felt kind of bad to hear Steve say it didn't matter.

"What about your uh... uncle?" Steve asked, sounding awkward as he shifted the conversation.

"Yeah, he's cool," Eddie replied, looking back out the window, "I don't think he really knows how to be supportive necessarily so he's just like... trucking on but he's never dropped the ball. Treats all my... gay shit as if it was just normal shit." Eddie replied, laughing a little bit. He knew he was lucky to have Wayne. Not every queer person had a supportive family and once upon a time, he hadn't had that either. Wayne was a saviour... in more ways than one.

"That's... cool," Steve answered and Eddie snorted a little at how awkward the delivery had been.

"What?" Steve replied, sounding a bit amused.

"That's... cool," Eddie mocked, making his voice sound girly and vapid.

"Shut up," Steve scoffed, drawing up the syllables a bit.

Eddie grinned, liking that Steve seemed to be easy to torment. He went for the bait every time, but he never seemed overly offended.

"Gee wiz, Eddie, your uncle seems like such a cool guy," Eddie continued, being annoying on purpose. He kept it up as Steve started to laugh in mock annoyance. "Let's you go to a pre-teen party and everything."

"Stop--" Steve booed, glancing at Eddie quickly before purposefully wobbling the steering wheel and making the car quickly veer back and forth.

Eddie jolted up right at the movement, grabbing the door.

"Shit--don't--" Eddie squawked, smiling despite how that had made his stomach drop.

"Asshole--" Eddie jeered, looking at Steve who was grinning back at him. Okay, so Steve was actually fun? Was this why Dustin and those kids liked him so much? Mr. Uptight-jock was actually a little bit of a wild child hidden behind good hair and a dazzling smile?

Eddie settled into his seat, feeling kind of good about the night as he looked back out the window and let the rest of the drive grow quiet. They weren't far from Hawkins now and a part of Eddie felt kind of strung out from the weird emotional whiplash of the night.

"You know," Eddie said as they pulled up towards the trailer park, "you're actually not a bad guy, Steve Harrington."

Steve looked at him, eyebrows pinched in with mild concern.

"Thanks?"

"It's a compliment," Eddie scoffed in a friendly way, unbuckling his seatbelt as Steve drove slowly down the gravel road.

"Oh, well, thank you then," Steve reiterated a bit more sarcastically.

"You're also kind of a bitch," Eddie retorted, smiling at him and getting an incredulous sound from Steve. The car pulled to a stop and Eddie climbed out. He shut the door but lingered a second until Steve rolled down the window. He leaned over the frame and looked in at Steve.

"I can see why those kids think you're kind of cool," Eddie continued, feeling kind of... charmed. "Guess that makes you cool in my books too."

"Cool? Or cool?" Steve asked, mocking Eddie's previous buffoonery.

Eddie laughed, shaking his head as he leaned back.

"You're a bit of a dork too, you know that?"

He liked dorky guys.

"A dork? This? Coming from you?" Steve asked, inching his car forward a bit to keep Eddie in view of the window.

"Oh, cram-it," Eddie retorted, flipping Steve off through the window. He patted the doorframe lightly, careful not to hit it with any of his rings.

"Thanks for the ride though," Eddie swallowed, not really looking at Steve but still trying to be friendly.

"Yeah, man. Don't worry about it."

Eddie nodded, feeling weird about just walking away. He kind of wanted to stay out, chat more, and just listen to the radio with Steve which was... a weird thought. They didn't really have anything in common, and somehow Eddie knew that they weren't going to talk again at school. Steve was popular, he wasn't. Eddie was graduating this year, and Steve was 16. They ran in completely different circles.

"Kay, well, later then," Eddie offered, half waving his hand in front of the window before sticking his hands in his pockets and walking towards his trailer. Steve didn't say anything back, but he waited for Eddie to get his door open before pulling away like a proper gentleman.

The whole night felt... so odd to Eddie. He didn't know if he could say he had a good time, or even what had happened during the night, but it had been... nice. It had nothing to do with the mixer or anything Eddie had prepared himself for that night but instead, his good mood rested solely on his interaction with Steve. It was so weird and it left him feeling like he was in limbo. Like this night had been a weird pocket event and he'd never have a repeat of anything like it again. Nothing big had happened, nothing important, and there was nothing to remember about it really... but it felt like he wanted to hold onto it somehow.

Eddie huffed and stretched his lips, before finally taking the last few steps into the trailer. There was no point dwelling on something he couldn't touch and thinking too hard about it would probably ruin everything anyways. This could just be a one off. He could just look back on this and think about how nice it had been to bond... with Steve Harrington.

#steddie #in later chapters Eddie pretends to be a dorky vampire #steddie fic #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #my_writing #i really love writing them “getting together”#i think it's so fun to explore all the different ways it could happen

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awyeahitssam · 9 months ago

Text

Harry/Tom; Broken Promises + Pillow Forts, unresolved angst. Weirdly soft for them.

Harry may love his boyfriend, but he was also the first to admit that Tom Riddle was a stubborn prick.

They had been dating for seven months - fighting for longer - and, naturally, Yule was no different. They spent the majority of the day schmoozing at Black manor, Harry having allowed Tom to use his political position as both the Potter and Black heir to score an invite. It was a dreadfully boring and headache inducing affair, especially because Tom abandoned him several times to whisper his plans for World Domination into the ears of enthralled purebloods.

And now that they were back home, Tom was refusing to honor his end of the deal.

“We’re both exhausted, Harry,” he sighed, replacing a stiff dress shirt with soft cotton. “Another time.”

Harry doubted that. Plus, it was important to watch today. When Harry was young and Lily alive, every Yule had been spent on this very couch, bundled under blankets with a mug of hot chocolate and Christmas specials playing.

“We just spent most of the day playing politics because you wanted to, Tom, something I only agreed to because you promised we would do this tonight.”

“We left early because you said you were exhausted,” Tom rebutted. “Which means you need sleep, not to watch muggle Telly programs.”

“Fine,” Harry snapped, pulling Mrs. Weasley’s annual sweater over his head to conceal his hurt expression until he could get it under control. “Do what you want, but I’m watching this.”

Tom didn’t have family traditions. He didn’t have family. So it was understandable that he didn’t know how important this was to Harry.

But Harry had watched these with Remus once his mother died, and doing it alone, now that they were both gone, felt wrong.

Not that he had ever truly explained the importance of this to Tom. His lover probably thought of it as a silly whim, a favor. Perhaps he just detested muggles too much to care how his turnabout would affect Harry, and had never been planning to watch at all. It did rather sound like him.

Harry curled into a ball at the edge of the sofa and twisted his wand. Pillows zoomed from every room of the house, blankets floating behind them, and Harry heard a grunt as Tom -- presumably -- dodged one as they piled around him, building a fort that made him feel more cozy and less alone.

“Harry,” Tom hissed, in that all-too-familiar tone of frustration.

“What?” Harry snapped, turning on the Christmas special. His chest felt tight and he could feel his eyes welling with stupid, traitorous tears he refused to let fall. There was a pause, and then a blanket was pushed aside, allowing Tom to peer into his fort.

He was frowning, but it was more concerned than annoyed, and Harry looked away quickly. Not quickly enough, it seemed, because Tom sighed heavily and stepped into the fort, gently grasping his cheek.

“What is it, darling?”

Harry shrugged, pulling out of Tom’s grasp.

“Nothing,” he said through a dry throat. “I don’t like it when you make me promises you have no intention of keeping.”

Tom tensed, but didn’t deny his claim. “You’re typically not so upset.”

Harry turned to face him, anger only making the tears stronger. “Just because I don’t say it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it,” he snapped. “As much as you hate liars, it’s interesting what you’ve become, isn’t it?”

But Tom did not snap back, or fly into a pique as he was wont to do when Harry criticized him. Instead, he crouched down before him with a frown, hesitantly touching his knees. “I’ve truly upset you,” he noted, then offered, “I’ll stay. We can watch the program together.”

Harry grimaced, pulling away from the tentative touch. “I don’t want you here if you don’t want to be here,” he said, heart panging. “Why don’t you go back to Malfoy’s? I know he was talking about the after-party half the night.”

But Tom only frowned at him. “I’m not leaving,” he said. “You’re upset with me.”

Harry’s chest tightened. “When has that ever stopped you from leaving in the past?”

“Well, if you would just tell me instead of expecting me to know!” Tom snapped. “I’m trying here, Harry!”

“Maybe I need time,” Harry returned, just as fiercely though his own voice was quiet. “I don’t have to tell you everything, Tom, and I’ll tell you nothing before I’m ready to. I had your word that you would do this with me. Excuse me for believing that would be enough.”

From the fleeting expression on Tom’s face, a punch might’ve landed gentler. Neither of them trusted easily. Tom, because he’d never had reason to trust. Harry, because his faith had been broken so many times in the past.

#oh no #what's this?#my writing #tom riddle/harry potter #Tom/harry #harry/tom #angst my dear #it's angst #but like #swoft angst

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hartleysbaldursgateblog · 9 months ago

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I love Astarion because he's an imperfect victim, he's someone who believes being hurt justifies hurting others but most of all I love his spawn ending and hate all the ascended Astarion takes about how the spawn ending is taking him away from what he really wants and needs just frustrates me so much.

As a trauma survivor myself and someone who has been surrounded by people with unhealthy coping mechanisms for most of his life, I love the spawn ending because it is, to me, the crux of what it means to start to heal. Sometimes the process of healing hurts too, and it can hurt a lot. And Astarion's story puts you in a position as a player that I've seen a lot myself- where someone you care about and who has been deeply hurt is so fixated on a truly destructive thing because they are genuinely convinced it's what will help them. Saying "no" and talking down someone who is struggling that much is an immensely hard thing to do as someone who has been on both ends of that equation. To let Astarion ascend is to enable him, to tell him he's right to be afraid of the world and that power is what he needs to feel safe. And it can be so, so hard, because when you're in Tav's shoes, it's hard to deny a person who is in so much pain something they are so thoroughly convinced will make them safe. But Astarion only really sees things as people with power and people without, that's what all his time with Cazador had taught him.

I remember seeing a post saying spawn Astarion's ending is "coddling" and "babying" him but it's really the opposite. Ascension is enabling him, not standing up to him and letting him buy into his tunnel-vision fixation about the ritual. Keeping him a spawn is the harder choice and requires more work to convince him, but speaking as someone with some unhealthy coping mechanisms myself and my family members in the same spot, you can't coddle someone engaging in destructive behavior if you ever want them to improve. Astarion is genuinely convinced that the ritual is going to make him safe, and one of the hardest things in the world is trying to push against and deny the requests of someone who is suffering. But myself, if I wasn't talked down from certain things or pathways no matter what I thought I wanted, I wouldn't be here and who I am today. Spawn Astarion is the harder road to travel but it's what Astarion needs to heal. Key example being if you bring up Cazador when he ascends, he lashes out and tells you to never mention him. He has all the power he wants, but he is still afraid, it didn't solve anything for him and he's just going to keep chasing more. Whereas spawn Astarion is willing to talk about Cazador and what happened. Because sometimes as a person with trauma you really do get fixated on something ultimately unhealthy for you and you might not like that truth, but the best people in your lives will be the ones who stand up to that fixation because they care and pull you away from it.

Spawn Astarion's ending is such a beautiful tale of healing, and I adore how it doesn't omit any of the ugly parts, either... because when it comes to healing, there really are a lot of ugly parts.

This was brought on by seeing a lot of people complaining about Ascended Astarion's kisses in patch 6 and how Tav looks scared. I mean, yeah, that's what an abusive relationship looks like... that's what the ascended ending is. It's not supposed to be good. You made your bed, now sleep in it.

#astarion #bg3 spoilers #astarion quest spoilers

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ray935sworld · 2 months ago

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Lost podium - marcmarc

He was used to it by now. Not that he didn't hate it as much. But it had some weird familiarity to not pull in Parc ferme and return to his garage instead.

He was used to saying an apology to his mechanics for fucking up the race. He has been so close to a podium. P2. He had been on P2 for so long and losing the 2nd place to an 8 time world champion surely wasn't the worst thing. Especially when said was on a better bike than he was.

And P3 was completely acceptable. He would be incredibly happy with a P3. But then he had pulled the stupidest move in existence. Going wide and letting Bastanini through.

He could basically hear his father sign loudly. He didn't want to talk to him right now. He knew what they'd say. He wondered when his guilt would be too much and he finally did call his parents. He had been stupid and now he had to endure the consequences all while trying his best in less than 24 hours. He felt like a child, failing one exams just to have another test in the next lesson and therefore being unable to concentrate on anything.

The unforced errors would forever break his neck. If every unforced error were an overtake, he'd have more wins than Vale and Agostini together.

He went through the interview and the evening like he always did. He told the same things like he always did. He spoke about progress he didn't truly believe in. He faked some happiness and optimism. He did believed in his team but he wasn't able to actually execute it.

He congratulated Pecco as the academy met for dinner. He forced himself to laugh about the bad jokes that were made on his behalf and shot the same ones back. He listened to Luca ranting about the Honda. He was obviously torn between happiness that there was some progress and frustration that he was still stuck in the 2nd half of the grid and barely able to fight for the remaining points.

He was used to the weird feeling of knowing he could have done better by now. He hated it none the less.

He knew how to get ride of those thoughts. But today, it was different. Today he had been so close to Marc. He had been close to him the whole weekend. Somehow they had always ended up near each other.

He had no idea how but he definitely wasn't complaining. Even though his stupid brain had decided to give himself false hope and think that Marc had looked at him during the media day and the fan parade. He even thought he had caught him sliming at him, but he had probably grinned over a joke from Alex.

Still all those moment and his mistake that cost him a podium were stuck in his mind.

He was tossing and turning in his bed but he couldn't fall asleep. He wanted to blame the jack let. But he knew it'd be a lie.

He contemplated staying awake until he was too tired to even keep his eyes open. But that would probably be still a few hours to go and then he would manage only 3 hours to sleep. 4 max. And then he'd be tired-grumpy and unable to focus on his job.

He sighed as he stood up again. He quickly threw on some running gear and went outside. Maybe getting some energy burned would help.

At the end he ran 1 lap. He was about to start the next one when someone said his name.

"Bezzecchi?" He flinched. He hadn't excatly expected company. He turned around, to see a smaller man, somehow dressed in a hoodie despite the still thick heat.

"Marquez?" he asked confused cause he couldn't quite believe that the soft lightning of the circuit was actually showing him the older gresini rider.

"Did you expect someone else at... 2 am?" he asked with a laugh. "I didn't expect anyone at 2am. What are you doing here?" he asked confused.

He was panicked. Slitly. Somehow it felt like he was crossing boundaries. Vale's boundaries, but still boundaries he should respect. After all, he had done a lot for him and talking with Marc Marquez of all people in the middle of the night surely would pass as questionable. At least. Especially cause Marc had been his crush for quite a while now.

"I could ask you the same" he countered. "But I asked first" "Right. Okay, I couldn't sleep. It was a long day and the traveling is still in my bones" "Yeah... Same" he muttered.

"Naaaah, I don't believe you" "What?" "I don't believe you. I'm old. I can't adjust to the time that well but you... What's really the reason why you're standing here?"

Marc looked at him for a second. His eyes wandered. He was clearly checking him out and a part of him regretted while the other was super happy he had gone for the extra tight running shirt.

Marc didn't had the decency to at least and hide that he was, in fact, looking at Bez body. His chest, to be clear. The tight and sweaty shirt left no room for imagination. It also gave him the answer wheter he was still wearing the nipple piercing Marc had once spotted on a picture.

He was.

He wondered what they would feel like against his skin. His lips. Before he realize what he was doing, he licked his lips.

Bez was starting to panic. His crush was clearly checking him out and now - Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He had to do something. He had to get away or close or -

"I am very sorry about you losing the podium." Marc said, eyes now locked with his. His voice was soft, but there was a daring tone to it. "I was looking forwards to share another one with you. You deserved it"

Without any of them noticing, they got slightly closer. The distance between them shrunked. "Thank you... It was... Well, you know how it is. And congrats to your podium"

"Thanks... Would have been more fun with you there"

Suddenly Marco felt a hand on his wrist. He didn't dare look. Instead he watched how Marc's eyes were focused on the bracelets there. He had got then from his sister, his mom and his best friend in Italy.

They were really meaningful to him, so he normally didn't like people touching them. This however seemed different. He didn't flinch or pulled back. Instead he tested how far Marc would go and Marc tested how far he could go. Searching for the limit. As always.

"I like having you on the podium... It makes you smile in a very beautiful way. And you look fucking breathtaking up there" he whispered, his hand now lingering around the younger ones fingers and the simply grabbing them.

Bez didn't hesitate and let their fingers intervene. It felt warm and he smiled as he looked down at Marc. They were standing closer than ever.

"Marc?" he whispered. "Yeah?" "Why are you doing this?" he heard himself ask and with that, he once again destroyed his own luck.

With that simple question doubted returned to his mind. He wondered why Marc Marquez would be interested in him - the rider that didn't live up to the expectations the most.

Unless... All the warnings that Vale had shared with the academy about other riders manipulations techniques returned. He felt panic rise on him. Was that part of it? But why him? Why not Pecco? Pecco would make more sense. Okay, Pecco was married but he wouldn't put it past Marc not to be bothered by that.

"Because I like you, Marco. You've woken my interested since you stepped up and you are smoking hot. Especially when sweaty and on top" he grinned and Bez felt his stomach heating up. He hadn't quite expected a statement that bold. "On top of the podium of course..."

"Then why do you... Why now?" After all, this was his 3rd year in MotoGP. "Well, I doubt I would still have a head if I tried this last year... And in 2022, I was out half the time. Not really a good bonding opportunity." He laughed. The darkness around them swallowed it.

Marco wasn't sure what to say or think. But there was no need. Marc crossed the last distance between them, standing on his tiptoes as he kissed his cheek. Bez immediately felt them heating up.

He knew he was turning red but Marc just smiled at him.

"Good luck tomorrow, Marco" he said as he tilted his head to the side he let go of Bez hand. "Try to get some sleep. Okay?"

He was about to turn around when Bez grabbed his wrist. He couldn't help himself. Confused he looked at him. "Is that some sick twisted way to destroy my concentration for tomorrow? Is... Did you tell that to Pecco too? Is that your way of fucking other ones races up"

He knew it wasn't nice what he accused him of, but he had to.

Marc froze. He didn't like to admit that the accusation hurt more than he had expected. He knew where it was coming from. Of course. So he didn't blame the younger rider. And in his defense, he had used some questionable methods already. Flirting didn't seem like out of pocket for him. But fake flirting? With Bez? No.

"I am not playing with you. I am very serious about this." he reassusered him. "I want you to have a good race and see you smiling on the podium again. It's where you belong and you look very pretty there."

He could see that Bez wasn't believing him. He wondered if putting his hands on his cheeks and pulling him down to him and kissing him after very sentence until he was convinced might be too much. He decided it was.

"And no. I never talked to Pecco like that and I never would. Or anyone else for the record. At least not since I know you." "I don't believe you." He smiled. It was a calm, sad smile.

"I know. That's okay. I really hope you can somehow find it in yourself to let me try and give you trust in me. I am really not lying to you, Marco." "And how would I know that?"

"Do you not trust me because you think I'm actually a bad person or because the people around you told you not to trust me?" he finally said. It was all he wanted to know. And not getting an answer, instead being answered with silence, was enough he had to know.

He smiled again, kissed his other cheek as well. "Well, then... Maybe you should start forming your own opinions. I'd be happy to help" he offered as he walked away.

"Tomorrow night. My motorhome" A thumbs up was all the answers that was given.

That was the last thing spoken between them, before Bez went to sleep. And had the best night of rest in a long time.

#I might change it again in the next days but now I just wanna be done with it cause I got a raging headache #So enjoy #PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS #THANK YOU #Thanks for reading that :)#motogp rpf #marco bezzecchi #marcmarc #marc marquez

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