#i just. ugh. its like theres this idea that to be truly respected and have worth art needs to be sellable. official and available to BUY

[nyxi-pixie]

'some fics just NEED to be published!!' what if i killed u with knives

[dumbbitchfrommars]

im trying so hard, my very hardest, to be kind and sweet and lovely and nice. but im afraid itll never be truly possible - theres a hidden dark side to me, because im so harsh and cruel and hard on myself. it slips out in hidden ways. those comments that spark a sense of alarm in others. that sudden red flag that you dont react or respond to in the moment, just file away as a reminder to never truly trust me, love me, respect me, feel safe around me...

is it true? or is it an idea?

im afraid i cant trust anyone.

but if i trust myself, will that matter?

its jarring, when the tower of love you have for a person comes crashing down after one dirty act. the darkness... the darkness that im supposed to accept is inherently a part of us all. it scares me. it hurt me.

im heartbroken because i feel like this relationship was doomed to end from the beginning. and that was my own doing, because i have such a warped idea of relationships and love. because i have lingering feelings for people that dont matter. because im so afraid of repeating the same mistakes that im more willing to sabotage it all before i get a chance to try something different. because i cant let go of superficial things that ive gotten used to. because i cant set boundaries. because im being fucking stupid.

im definitely pmsing. lets just take these big emotions with a grain of salt.

what happened to being in a goofy mood?

im irritable.

i just want to be happy with him. i dont want to ruin it by travelling and being separated and one of us cheating on the other. i dont want this to end within a year. i want to be happy. i deserve happiness. ive waited a long time for someone to treat me how i deserve. will he treat me how i deserve? he will try, and thats all i can ask for. he actually makes me feel safe and comfortable to be authentically myself. he gives me the space to just be. to feel my confusing emotions.

but why do they both feel so manipulative? is this my own wound? my own lack of boundaries and knowing what it is i really want? because i keep finding myself fearing the powerful people i attract into my life for the same reason i fell in love with them in the first place - that they can tell me what to do, that they can help me figure out what i want. but at what point does that turn into them deciding what i want for me? thinking they know what i want? ugh.

im confused. im tired. im drained. im overwhelmed. im sad. im missing something that doesnt exist - a feeling - nostalgia - the feeling of love and being loved and being heartbroken and in love and completely miserable.

i hate to admit it, but this whole time i keep on thinking back to the time i was with my ex. it was so different. i was so much freer and happier. i was so different. it was a different time! i always thought i could find something or someone like that, to emulate that feeling again. but its just not possible. its weird. like no one else will ever understand but him, because no one else was there. and i wish i could talk about it or explain it but its impossible to understand.

i want to fall. i want to feel okay to just fall and let him catch me and lead the way. but im so scared, i feel like its gonna end, i feel like im gonna get hurt, im gonna regret being so vulnerable, im gonna find something out and wish id been smarter and seen through his bullshit. but he hasnt done anything. but thats the biggest red flag of them all. why are you so perfect? who are you, really? why am i still so afraid and uncomfortable? is it me?

yet, i still miss him. i still text him. i still want to see him tomorrow. i dont tell him to refund the festival tickets he got us. i smile when he tells me about his day and his games and his affirming words calling me princess and telling me hes proud of me. hes so stable. what if he gets sick of me? my constant bad moods? my dark feelings? you cant have the sun without shade.

darkness can only exist in the shadow of light.

[beliefbeautyizwithin]

Are you okay with the fact of people excusing Beths shooting of Rio ? What is going on here ? What am I missing? I was watching this show with my friend and we WERE ALL rooting for her until we saw that crap. Then my mind changed to I hope she gets caught , I hope she gets locked up. Then all these blogs with Beth Avitars OFCOURSE, claiming the idea that she HAD to do it ? While saying how can people blame Beth with out blaming Rio? She pulled the damn trigger. Ugh I hate that !

So firstly, I'm not the person who answers anon questions. I feel their are more "qualified " bloggers on here for that. Plus sis got thannngs to do, okurrrr ....With that said I so appreciate u trusting me with this question anon.

To simply put this : people live in their own heads when it comes to this show. You will find those who infactically see themselves in Beth, or in some of the other women on this show. They feel like they can relate to them on some levels. Then there are those who love Rio for his sexual presence , the way he plays Rio as MORE than just a "gang friend and ofcourse his chemistry with Beth( myself included)... I 👏🏽get it !

But what I dont like is the politics used on this platform. The categorization clause : The idea that you must be either for Beth, Rio, or Beth and the girls when it comes down to what happened in the S2 finale. It's like I must check what party line I'm on or who am I FOR or against. When for me its as simple as who's right and who's wrong in the situation. There can be grey lines but in this particular situation, Beth was DEAD AZZ WRONG.

Let me explain: I watched this show like EVERYONE else , got my friends in on the show too. LOVED the dynamic of the women, their interaction with each other and I genuinely liked Beth's character. You could tell she was the leader of the group. To me shes that type of friend that always has a solution to your problems........ I was rooting for Her ( check the history of my posts). I Was happy seeing the girls work with Rio getting their own. PLUS Beth's relationship with Rio.

Now to Rio and Beth's relationship :

I never looked at their relationship as toxic per se given the context of the show and what these women were involved in. The women are wannabe criminals who willingly get involved with a gang member. Beth most of all( bc as I said shes the leader of her pack). RIO although he is assumed to be this dangerous criminal hes really soft on Beth. Speak to any GUY about this show and I promise you the first thing their gonna say is Rio should have killed Beth and the girls ( given their involvement in his business). They were liabilities..But some where through these episodes Rio fell in love : Yup I said it !!!!🥴

I believe when a man truly loves a woman he shows them through action. The things Rio did for Beth ( bc he mainly delt with Beth) you dont do that for someone you dont love. Im talking about despite these women helping him wash his cash. Theres a point in Season 1 where he TELLS Beth shes nothing but a charity case to him. Meaning he never needed them, he never needed HER.

Things Rio did out of his gang character :

1. BETH refusing to take care of her rotten egg; total liability to Rios business.

2. Beth snitching on Rio to the FEDS. Instead of Rio just shooting Dean , he had EVERY right to shoot / kill Beth too. But he never wants to hurt Beth so he settles with shooting her husband:" Now were good".

3. Finding out Boomer who was talking to the feds about Rio and his gang had something to do with Beth and the girls. He should of kill Beth and the girls. But instead he gave THEM the opportunity to take care of it.

4. Beth and the girls failing to take care of Boomer , which snowballed into an even bigger problem.

5. Rios money becoming compromise bc of Beth and the girls failing to listen or do anything right.

6. Beth going into the drug house for a DAMN dubby and Rio seeing how much it meant to her then going back to collect it.

7. GAVE Beth the keys to the kingdom. Now let me explain this..... people think he took it back. But after the bathroom break I believe in Rios head the sex solidified Beth( A woman he could see does not believe in one night stands and has only been with her husband sexually) was finally his ; "were partners now". Hence why he went ballistic in Boland Motors after he saw Beth going to Dean....Not to mention Beth realized the money and EVERYTHING was always in her possession. That was his woman yall. But ofcourse as women we always get hung up with the man actually SAYING it. Defining the relationship was unnecessary, given his actions.

8. The pill business. He gave Beth 50% (something he does with NOBODY else ; remember him saying he usually pays 30%) . Rio could have said no and killed her ( sorry guys but in EVERY scenario it was in Rios BEST interest to kill Beth).

8. Beth has passionate love making with Rio then kicks him out. TO go back to DEAN ,,okurr . So what does Rio do : send her pieces of the body hes been HOLDING for HER the entire time. Bc ofcourse it cant be that easy to first of all get out of a life of crime period. BUT he wasn't going to let go of Beth that easily. Beth gets the body back to do something as silly as burying the body in HER BACKYARD..How dumb!!

Rio has done nothing deliberately to compromise Beth's freedom . BUT he has forced Beth to be accountable of her actions.

So with all this information : Beth tries to send Rio away forever ! Knowing his fear of getting locked up that he disclosed to her during the shut down episode. Knowing he has a kid to take care of; as you can see now RHEA doesnt make enough cash to support Marcus, at least not like Rio can. Then tries to KILL the man ! In closing I dont CARE what floppy azz explanation people want to give about Beth shooting Rio. Her azz was W.R.O.N.G. she was messed up for that. That move changed my mind completely towards her . At this point she DESERVES Dean ugly lying azz. I hope they DO get caught and go to jail so she sees how it feels. l respected Beth but I lost respect after he snazzy azz smile when she said "Rio is gone"

Therefore anyone rally for Beth just because shes a woman and you stan Christina Hendricks. Let's get back to the context of the show and ask yourself: WHAT the hell HAS ShE ever done FOR RIO ? That wasn't to save her own behind. I'm gonna keep it 100% anon I didnt know who the hell Manny was or Christina was until this show. So this is not from a STAN prespective. This is from a real azz honest perspective. Hopefully this makes u understand how I feel.

[rqs902]

.

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay 

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover 

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL 

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability. 

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo 

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect. 

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win. 

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME 

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place?? 

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol 

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW. 

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together 

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho) 

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him 

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc.... 

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there? 

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly? 

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\ 

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad. 

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke. 

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see. 

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran? 

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng?? 

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense: 

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max? 

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way 

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me. 

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly. 

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN 

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band. 

[itsthwippingtime]

Fav bloggers and why?

dahskhkasj theres so many!! how am i supposed to,,, uhhh okay i love every one i do if youre not on this list it does NOT mean that i don’t love you

without further ado and in no particular order (okay I’ve noticed some are longer than others and if youre anything like me you’ll read way too much into that but please don’t i don’t mean anything by it i love you all so so so so much) 

im so sorry for how long this is. every person tagged in this; i love you so so so so much and thank you so much for just being there for me and just being a presence in my life i am so grateful for our friendship. that applies to everyone, no matter if we’ve talked every day or never, i love you all so so SO much!!! 

@anidiotwithapen - my first friend on this site (literally) and they live in Germany so we don’t get to talk as much as i would like cause ugh timezones but i love them so much, a walking disaster, the Clint to my Nat (wait am i Nat? have we discussed this yet?) the number of crack head canons that should be canon and ideas we’ve come up with like wow. i love them so so so so so so so so much. amazing artist like wow check out their art blog @neraidamira

@hraewordsmith - my babes my aunt i love her so much IM GONNA MEET HER ASJKDHASJKHDKASHJKA Rae is literally my rock one of the most supportive, loving people (persons?) I’ve ever met i love her so so so so so so so so muchdasjhkjajzkjashdjk 

@keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars - Leah. my babes. an angel on earth i love her so much!!!! I’m gonna meet her too!!! so supportive and loving and encouraging, an amazing writer, an amazing person i mean what else can i say about her???

@starkravingparker - my wife!!! my name twin!!! Ava May i love her so much and I’m so so so proud of her she is so strong and amazing every day she faces demons and battles but she never ever gives up truly inspirational to  me i love her so much and I’m gonna meet her one day maybe years from now but we’ll meet definitely and she’ll have to show me all her favorite places to go and things to do!! an amazing singer ( @starkravingava) an amazing writer ( @stparkerwrites) and amazing at making icons/edits/that stuff that i know nothing about ( @starkravingshuri) truly a talented wonderful person i love her to death. she deserves so much love and happiness and I’m so proud of her jsdajkdjlksa 

@loubuttons - lou. what can i say about lou. the sweetest person ever. always there to love on you and encourage you and hear you complain and be there to rant and shkjadsahjkska i love her so much literally an angel i cannot,,,, an amazing painter and writer and just deserves all the love in the world i love her so much 

@marvelbased SOPHIA I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE the Bucky to my Sam i could not live without her she’s constantly making me laugh i wish i could give her the world because its what she deserves i love her so much she always supports me and encourages me and we’re gonna meet one day too i know it ill die if we don’t!! dsjkhasjk i just love her!!!! 

@cartwheelandfaceplant - we don’t talk much but i love them!!! everything they reblog, marvel or not, is the Quality Content i signed up for and at least a third of my likes is probably posts from them amazing blog amazing person just amazing amazing amazing!!

@tonyintexas - ah Taylor. my partner in crime when it comes to a certain person i love her and her humor its so amazing Taylor is literally crazy but the best kind of crazy and she honestly has me cackling i love her so much

@smallittlebee - the sweetest ever!!! we don’t talk much but literally so so so so so sweet and um CHICKENS!!!!!

@peterparkerisntdead - literally Gwen’s tags and semi vague shit posts throw me into a fit every time i should expect it but i never do i never know what to expect from her she’s like a hurricane so unpredictable sdaljkasdakjsd i love her k so much!!!!!! just !!!!!!

@irondadgroupie - IM SORRY I HAVENT REPLIED TO OUR HEADCANONS IN SO LONG IM SO SO SO SORRY if maybe if you don’t mind waiting until May? my exams are over mid-may and I’m gonna try to have the out before then but its really getting stressful over here and I’m just so sorry for all the shitty excuses and me ignoring you you have no IDEA how sorry i am. i love you so much i love the head canons we come up with, so so supportive and has always supported me with my writing, since the very beginning and it means the world to me dsjakjhsjak i love you babes!!!!

@imveryobservant - ahhh Jessie i love her toooooo!!!!!! we don’t talk a whole lot but when we do its always so much fun!! there are two (2) things that make me think of Jessie: thank u, next and the muppets (i also think of Gwen when i think of the muppets)

@lovelyspidey - LIXI!!!!! Lixi and i don’t talk a whole lot either but i love her so much and she’s like the one person i can freak with about Spider-Man PS4 (LIXI YOU NEED TO FINISH IT HAVE YOU????) and she’s always been there and supported me from the beginning i love her. also my go-to girl for Tom fic recs ;)

@drowningfandoms - okay but literally idk what to say because i remember seeing your URL repeatedly in my notifs at the very beginning, and like sending me asks and stuff and it was so strange that one person liked me and wanted to interact with me. and look how far our friendship has grown!! i love you so so so much!!!! I’m so grateful for you and our friendship and just your presence in my life

@underoosstark - this bitch makes some of the best videos i have ever seen in my entire life!!!! please watch them!!! ugh your mind babes!! we don’t talk a lot either but always amazing and supportive and loving and so sweet and kind andjaksdhjksahdjkashjksahjkd 

@messedupfangirl05 - this bitch exposes me in the best ways i love her so so so much she is so kind and supportive and just so funny and I’m so so proud of her and everything she’s done. i love her and the way she writes and just EVERYTHINGS!!!!!

@tominhoodies - STEPH!!! BABES!!!! k i love Steph so much she’s an amazing writer and i love her so so so so so much she’s so funny sometimes she disappeared for days or weeks but i know she does it for her and its whats best for her and i respect and admire the amount of self control she had i love her so much okay don’t talk to me

@knife-wielding-tentacle - listen. if it weren’t for this bitch right here i would have never been introduced to the glorious head canon that is Winter Soldier!Peter and i love it so much (okay I SWEAR I’m gonna answer those asks soon but when have you known me to ever do anything on time) i love them so much jdsakjaskdjlaksjkaklsadjkl please never stop with the head canons they give me life

@adaisyspetals - DAISY!!!!!! i love daisy so much!!!!! she sends me pictures of her cat and dog and i love them too!!!! so sweet and so supportive and i love love love her writing!!!! agasdgjhsags just so amazing i love you so so so much babes!!!!

@mostly-marvel-stuffs - hi!!! we used to talk a lot more than we do now and thats okay but i miss you lots babes!!!!! um just an amazing person altogether i love them!!!! we once calculated how long it would be to do a Disney marathon with all most of the Disney movies so we’re gonna do that one day when we can stay up for a week straight (how long did we say it would be?)

@protecthefuckingbees - idk why they follow me cause they’re literally like the coolest and I’m like,,, not but i love them so so so much so supportive and kind and loving and sdjkhajdhjkahdajk i just love you sooooo much!!!!!!

@tomhollandswhore - we talk like every three days but i cherish those conversations, literally so sweet and kind and supportive and a New Friend cause we don’t know each other super well yet but i already know i love them!!!!! 

@tonystarkdadmode - oh my gosh okay so sweet and so amazing and so supportive and just so amazing i love love love them!!!! i love their header (its so iconic go look) and just dsjkasjkdasjkhdsjkadsajk love you so much babes!!!!! 

@spider-boiii - the creator of my icon, always has me cackling, super amazing, really nice, I!!!! LOVE!!!!!! THEM!!!!!!!!!

@spookyclooky - k amazing artist first off! also like the only person i can talk to about Detroit: Become Human and (possibly) other PS4 games (we need to play GTA online one day i feel like that’d be a lot of fun haha!!!) i love them so much they’re so sweet and very patiently put up with my incessant questions about DBH, as annoying as they were

@sup-mr-stark, @mysteryavengers, @death1by3thoughts, @tamaranianprincess, @tomhollandeu @tomhollanders2013, @ebonyheartnet, @avengvr, @anxieteandbiscuits, @theincorrectavengers, @spiderman-homecumming, @my-babies-are-ash, @she-loves-her-queens-of-whump - these blogs… we don’t talk a whole lot and i really wish we did, but we all just kinda stand by and support and love each other even tho we’ve had like 3 or less conversations BUT THEYRE STILL ALL AMAZING AND HAVE AMAZING BLOGS AND ARE JUST ALTOGETHER AMAZING PEOPLE I LOVE THEM!!!!

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 10 - "I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style" ~Amy

Colin survived omg omg. I went on call with him after tribal council and I smoothed things over with us. So I'm like the only person he's not hating right now. Also I literally told Colin everything. I told him exactly what happened which is so awkward if anyone finds out I tolf him that they all backstabbed him. Also Elle cannot be trusted!! Why would she do this? She's probably working with Colin and at this point I'm ok with voting off Elle. She really backstabbed the entire plan. Also Elle's idol is gone so it would be easy. BUT, we need to rid of the advantages that remain. There's not any time to get off people I don't trust. We need to expose every last idol we can. Also I know Brayden has an idol and I'm working with him but I might have to backstab that guy because if he makes it to final tribal council with an idol that will be big on his resume. Honestly Brayden will be seen as the most popular social player so that will look really good compared to me. So I might have to backstab my best friend before the time runs out. 

Wtf was that tribal. Literally besides Colin, the only person left out of the vote and lied to by my own partner. Just when i thought things were looking up for me in this game, the rug gets pulled from underneath me again. I literally dont feel like i can trust any of them but for the sake of playing nice, I have to pretend that everything is fine and be a fake bitch for a day or two. Ugh 😑

I understand Colin is probably really upset and hurt because he felt personally close with me, but I don’t understand why my reasons for not saving him weren’t valid. When he tried to save Dennis, it rubbed HIMYM the wrong way and I didn’t want to betray 5 people for 1 person the same way he did that because it’s what gave everyone distrust. He said he didn’t tell anyone about HIMYM until after he heard his name, but that’s a lie as Josh and Jay both heard of it by round 8. I said that and then he said “well that’s still one person”. It’s more than one and even then, one person is one person. You gave us a reason to distrust you and that’s why you were targeted. I never told anyone about his SWP because I didn’t want to give him a reason to tell others I’m not trustworthy or for him to target me with. Ultimately, of course I knew Jay wasn’t going to send me out, but there was a real concern that Babs had an idol and that between me and Anastasia, I would go. So yeah, my concerns were indeed valid as it could’ve gone to a point where I go. I really want immunity this round. So bad. But if it’s not me I’ll be ok with my allies having it. But please I want immunity!!! 

[this was earlier, but put it wherever✨] Sooooo so much drama these days, I used to be in an alliance with Jay, Brayden, and Anastasia but they're all in a megasix alliance except Jay is relatively new bc they swapped him out for Colin recently, Jay is completely in Jodi's pocket and RIP honestly bc I was hope our little Corn Tribe (we're both from Ohio lol) would make it far, Colin and I are firmly allies now and we have an alliance with Amy (who is currently Colin's no. 1 ally and I respect that she risked it all for him lol understandable) and are goin to make another one with Josh. Josh and I are allies and I trust him a lot partially bc ppl lied to him almost as much as ppl lied to me and Colin and being at the bottom is a good way to know your allies are true, they have little to gain 😂 oh and Brayden and Anastasia and I are still "allies" and idk Jay hasn't talked to me yet sooooo let's see what happens there!

I accidentally said that Josh was on the bottom out loud when I was answering him for the question who doesnt deserve to be here. Omg I literally ruined our relationship. I am sooo stupid. I literally told him i was sorry and he said K. Ok but he is on the bottom. Obviously he doesn't need me as an ally and that whole side has a plan. Omg Im ready to be blindsided lol. But also maybe dont vote out me. Josh really isnt that forgiving is he? That is crazy to me. I wouldve pretended to forgive at least. Now I feel even more awful because he never said he forgave me. Pain. Anyways I screwed up and now I'm just praying Josh doesn't gun after me now. But I did tell Josh the whole truth and apologized genuinly about the situation. Oh god I hope he doesnt hate me. I dont even want him as a jury vote I just cant take anyone hating me or disliking me. It makes me want to throw up. But I deserve to feel this way since I emberassed him infront of everyone i am so so stupid. Anyways time to plan who to get out. OMG JOSH JUST TEXTWD ME "It's fine Im on the bottom. My feelings dont matter" WHAAATTT OF COURSE HIS FEELINGS MATTWR I CANT BELOEBE IHURT HIS ACTUAL FEELINFA I AM SO STUPID WTF I AM AWFUL I WILL GO APOLOGIZE MORW NOW GOODBYE

it appears either jodi or jared are going tonight, and although they’re my allies, i selfishly don’t care. I’ll still be in the game, so that’s nice i suppose. I love jodi, but she’s paranoid and it’s a whole deal trying to work with her, if she got voted out i could maybe get some sleep every once in awhile. I love her to death, but frankly whatever happens tonight as long as it ain’t me I don’t really care. Hell, even if it is me, then whatever lol, I can get caught up on sleep then. Frankly this is where the game gets ugly, and i’m cool with staying out of the drama. it still sucks that josh hates me though, i genuinely like him, and i feel like he doesn’t want to be my friend beyond the game anymore. To me, i’m going to keep doing me. I’m gonna chill, i’m gonna relax, and i’ll play when i feel like it. My mental health is important, so even if i’m not playing as hard as others, it’s just a game. If i lose, i will not lose any sleep over it. 

DAMN last tribal really killed the vibes in the game. no one wants to talk. everyone is scared of stuff getting leaked or turning on people. BUT ON THE FLIP side that means everyone is flipping on everyone SOMEHOW amy managed to escape unscathed. They have NO idea she's in with us and with them. She's telling us everything. it's actually insane to watch her do it. Truly international superspy behavior.   We have our numbers and they have theirs. They made another majority alliance except they replaced me with Jay. Whatever, expected. its fine. I truly did not talk much to people before the challenge, I just laid back and let Amy gather information for us. The immunity challenge was absolutely crazy good for us. Elle winning immunity is perfect, and the fact they GAVE AMY the other immunity is also amazing, a testament to how much they do trust her. THEN THIS IS WHERE THINGS STARTED GETTING EXCITING so I still have my handy chaos idol. I was thinking about numbers and I came to the realization that we could get Jodi cirie'd out this tribal. Their side is splitting votes on Josh and I, and there's four of us. If we vote the other 4 people in that alliance and then play the chaos idol, it leaves Jodi the only one without a vote and she's automatically out. It was a huge risk but I brought this plan to Josh, Amy, and Elle. because of the touchy subjects it made me truly feel that I could trust my allies right now. I was voted "Who is your closest ally" and I'm almost certain it was those three that put me down. That means I can trust them with this plan. (I hope). Elle, however, brought up the very good point that Jodi might be idoled, it's very obvious for us to go after her. SO we also decided that we should leave no votes on Brayden and then theres a revote between the two. SO TLDR THE PLAN RN: play chaos idol and coordinate votes so there's a revote between Jodi and Brayden. Also we're telling everyone else our plan is to vote Jared, that way it's not too obvious we have shit up our sleeve. there is the prospect of them splitting the vote 3-3 and then we don't even need to use the chaos idol, we just have the numbers. The other option is they put all 6 votes on one person and then we do have to play it. Thats why its so good we have Amy as our inside source telling us everything that's going on with them. so yeah right now we're still playing it by ear. not a lot of people are online and available to we're just waiting to get it all sorted out. Updates soon! uwu

Hahahahaha omfg so after we yeeted out of last tribal and then elle used their idol apparently anastasia and jodi changed their vote to Babs so they still went home and we kept Colin's idol. We jumped back on the tribe call and it was only host Jay and Raffy left lol like we were ready for a tribe fight! But I think it turned out better because I am still getting all the info in the group. Touchy subjects was interesting and almost exposed us bc colin and jodi tied for closest allies lol which I'm sure it was like 3-3-whatever. But she said I'm the group maybe it was like 2-2-1s. So that's a relief. However. Everyone is being really quiet with me and our brayden - jodi - me alliance is silent. I'm concerned they think it is me who's leaking but from what I can tell jodi (and thus anastasia, brayden,jay, and jared automatically) believe it was elle who leaked the plan to vote colin. So idk how but I'm in the clear. I'm just waiting to be found out bc I'd be an easy vote out. BUT I think they believe I'm still with new himym because brayden chose to give me immunity in touchy subjects!! And elle got first out!! So we are both safe and the current plan for Jodi's group is to tell Colin josh and elle they are splitting but they will put all votes on josh so that colin flushes his idol. Except lol it's a chaos idol. And if that's the case colin wants me to vote him ☠️ but it actually keeps him safe so I'll do it. I would just hate for the chaos idol to be fake. I think I know where all remaining advantages are except the idol I think Jared has lol. So for the break down brayden has an idol he believes is real but is fake and he is not telling anyone in the group or jodi or me so as much as I like brayden I can't wait to see him play it and it's fake. Then Colin has Dennis's chaos idol and one more regular idol. I have the merge idol and a steal a vote. That leaves only jared's idol that we might be able to flush this go if they actually believe jared is the target from Josh elle colin. But if they don't we can leave votes off jared and jodi and we can vote out the unplayed idol or vote jodi out and her minions have to regroup. My biggest concern has been josh bc he really seems to not like me ☠️ and here I am risking it all to keep colin, elle, and josh in the game lol. So now colin elle and I have a three. Colin filled them in and they trust me. And we waited until josh calmed down bc he was really mad that I cut his rope in the challenge. Unfortunately I knew that he wasn't winning bc he's at the bottom, none of them were giving him immunity, and I needed to keep up the facade that I was with them 100% so I was guessing like everyone else on the most allies even though I knew it would be colin lol. So now colin has talked to Josh and josh knows about the chaos idol so I just hope he's 100% with us. Because if we play this right it's 4-4. And then I'm gonna have to reveal to them I have a steal a vote lol they might be upset I didn't tell them before but I've never said I didn't have anything (except to jodi whoops). Also now jodi is thinking worst case like wants me to say I'll vote out anastasia if it's a revote and also at 6. I was like "oh I'm a revote? I got you" as in if vote you out sorry girl. Listen I know I'm not winning and I know I'm not getting to the end because it would be stupid to take me at this point. I'm literally a double agent secret spy lol. However the entire jury WILL despise me but all I could hope is they respect the moves I made. But it seems like a lot of people in this game take things very personal so I really think it would be a completely bitter jury against me not that I'm getting there. I kind of don't want to use my steal a vote at 8 and hope they still think I'm with new himym because then we could simply idol where their vote is and I keep steal a vote for 6 and my idol for 5 and I'm golden lol 😂. And here I was gonna hard quit the game lol. I mean tbh they could just vote me here... Wait lol I'm immune jk thanks. Literally i think Babs is indifferent and dennis did like me but his vote would still go to colin. But if I was in f3 IMAGINE the story of have to tell lol and convince them all. It's the struggle of playing more behind the scenes but I really think someone is going to leave the info. I hope josh stays quiet until 7 when we should have numbers. Anyway all of this to say I wanted to play this game doing the absolute minimum and I'm spending hours and hours a day like copy pasting from the group to colin 😂 and now to our group. The problem is colin really believed jared when he said he'd flip and I was like colin no that's EXACTLY what he detailed he'd do in the group. And then Colin and josh were like wait anastasia and brayden may consider flipping and here I was like no y'all they are telling me / us they're saying that. Unless it's like a double play they are lying to you and that's their plan. All I can do is copy paste their exact messages and hope they believe me. I really do think they trust me bc I'm risking my life here. I just need to talk to Josh and explain the situation and I am with him not against him! Honestly this is such a great cast and they are playing very well. It'll be fun to see how it all works out. I don't think I'll be at the end but I would love to see underdogs take it. I would actually love josh elle and Colin at the end and I'd vote colin to win lol he put in work! I'd also vote anastasia to win because she has laid low so well with still having pull in the game. Idk it's a fun one that I think will blow up on me soon but I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style bc I'm just here to have fun not to win actually lol. I am writing this while on a flight so I'll have updates later. Oh right our 4 group plan is to use the chaos idol and throw votes around so that like 2 or 3 people don't have votes then they are the only ones vulnerable in the revote and everyone who got votes is safe. Then we can vote either jared or jodi like that's the thing if jodi doesn't play an idol here I don't think she has one or no one is giving her one. I think my only chance to make it farther is to let the 4 group know I'm with them 100% but still keep my idol for myself hopefully until 6 or 5 but lol idk about that. Like I can see them wanting to take me out then. Okay that's all my thoughts right now.

https://youtu.be/ji7K8HkLmRY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Ru1J0iXYA&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/rVRVR2zzkPc

https://youtu.be/PAjCL7-GWV

[😬 Not me completely forgetting to send this oops here i'll add a fun quote at the beginning] Jodi is Regina George, we are the schoolbus✨ Sooooooo Colin has a chaos idol how fun for him and tbh im kinda tired so here's the voting plan and the rest you can just kinda glean: Amy - Josh Elle - Colin Josh - Anastasia Colin - Jay ~~~

Edgic:

Power Ranking:

Amy: She has managed to escape suspicion from last round. Nobody believes her to be the rat leaking things to Colin. She is in the best position in this game right now being on all sides and having every single option open to her.

Colin: King of idols. King of chaos. He has it all locked down. Has capitalized on those the Jodi side has burned. Will continue to capitalize on it. The power struglle ends here.

Elle: Mostly just floating behind Colin’s shield which is what she should be doing atm.

Josh: If he stays out of people’s periphery, he can make it far. Might be dragged to end, but could make a great pitch for himself.

Jay: Ruined his position with multiple people last round. Is sort of in the middle? Sort of not? He is definitely aligned with Anastasia and Brayden who are protecting him.

Brayden: If he betrays Jodi, he will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to become a free agent instead of being locked into an alliance.

Anastasia: If she betrays Jodi, she will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to step away from Brayden and Jay who are clouding her good judgment. She is being iced from the other side.

Jared: I don’t know why he is going to use his idol on Jodi? His loyalty to her will be his downfall.

Jodi: Seems to have accepted being voted out this round. Seems to have backed herself into a corner based on her logic. Too worried about advantages to see the right path.

[crossnecklace]

hi hi hi! so i feel like a lot of my most favorite fics dont get talked about much, therefore i wanted to create a proper fic rec masterpost to spread the love!! this is going to be a looooong list, so hopefully theres something for everyone (though i do firmly believe u should read every single one of these before u die)

in no particular order, but a * indicates my absolute faves that i reread monthly:

hats off to my distant hope by navigator (21k) *

Harry is in White Eskimo. Louis is in London.

AU loosely inspired by the song “505” by Arctic Monkeys.

-kicking this off with one of my very favorites. i think my favorite trope is when hl have this angsty “we’re not dating but definitely fucking and also doing everything couples do also i’m irrevocably in love with you why aren’t we dating?” sort of moment. its painful in the sweetest way, and this fic captures that perfectly. there will be quite a few of those on this list, i’ll bet

up the long delirious burning blue by orphan_account (6k)

harry is a swimmer & louis is the writer who somehow manages to make him come up for air. 

-this one is quite sad. so poetic and painful and lovely and unf (warning for mentions of suicide and depression, and the ending is quite ambiguous but there is no MCD)

we wreak havoc with out hearts by flimsy (9k)

Harry finds that he can’t keep things separate; neither can Louis.

Harry tousles his hair, smoothes it back, shrugging. 

“Alright,” he says. “I’m, you know, outside if you need anything.” 

“Yeah,” Louis replies. “Sure.” 

He doesn’t look like he’ll be needing Harry, and Harry tells himself that that’s okay. They’ve both got their moods sometimes or maybe the timing isn’t good, and if it’s not then that’s alright as well. Harry can respect that. And it’s not like this is their first tour; Harry knows that Louis will come around. He always does.

-another one of those w that trope i talked about. im gonna call it the RFWB trope (romantic friends w benefits). this one is so hot and good

rather this than live without you by mediaville (10k) *

Harry decides to give it all up. Louis refuses to be left behind.

-RFWB pt. 3. i ADORE this fic. just the setting and the angst and the smut ugh it all has me on the floor

one day to believe in you by mediaville (7k) 

A mysterious force compels Louis to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even when it’s really inconvenient.

Harry blinks and has the nerve to look surprised. 

“You think about me when you get off?”

“Yes,” Louis says. He wonders how hard he’d need to punch himself in the face to knock himself out.

“Often?”

“Yes, Christ, Harry,” Louis groans. “Probably eight times a week for going on six years now. On average, you know. More when we were touring, less when I’ve been visiting family. Anything else you’d like to know?”

- :-)))))))

all my love was down in a frozen ground by navigator (16k)

Louis goes to the woods. 

AU very loosely inspired by the creation of Bon Iver’s first record.

-i’ll be honest i dont even remember what this fic is about but its in my bookmarks and its by navigator so i know that its good

boys of summer by sharktoothedfawnskinned (49k) *

What he wants is for this to be a forever thing, not someplace Harry spent the summer once.  What he wants is for this to be more than a memory.

(New Jersey beach town AU.) 

- I SCREAM EVERY TIME READ THIS RIGHT NOW 

we should get jerseys by orphan_account (12k) *

There’s a lot surrounding Harry, and Louis knows, in his heart of hearts, that there always will be. He just doesn’t know if he’ll manage to equate into the ‘always’ of it.

(Harry is a hockey player, and Louis is his slightly melodramatic boyfriend.)

- another old favorite!!! pretty much anything that involves harry being good at sports has me on my knees bc it paves way for automatic angst, louis being jealous of a puck/ball/net/what have you, and uhhh various other *athletic* activities

the finish line (is a good place for us to start) by @loaded-gunn (122k)

Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.

It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. Harry hotshot Styles, who broke a record last year and is probably looking to make a big splash. Harry Styles, who is talented and somewhat intimidating. Harry Styles, who left Ferrari for reasons unknown and seems kind of lonely and harmless in person. Lonely, harmless, hot as fuck. Whatever.

The first thing Louis does is take him under his wing. From there it’s nine months of slow-burning romance, the past catching up to them, turning into the human puppy pile that is OT5 and a lot of feelings until, of course, reaching the finish line.

-one of the first 1d fics i remember reading. i havent touched it in a long time but it used to be my #1 fave and it has a special place in my heart. so much pining, only not really in a frustrating way bc theres abundant flirting and they kiss in like, the second scene. its basically louis trying to keep his shit together and failing miserably. AND its stuffed with fandom meta which is quite entertaining if youve been here for awhile. anyway give this a read, i truly love it so much

so keep my candle bright by whisperdlullaby (78k) *

louis returns to his hometown after four years to find that the reverend’s son has done some growing up of his own.

-god. the characterization in this one is just gorgeous. the way louis helps harry accept/explore his sexuality is so beautiful and i think about it every day. a must read!!! (warning for homophobia and religious themes)

no one like you by @myownsparknow (20k)

Dear Niall,

I was glad to have the chance to talk with you again at the AHA conference. Your idea that the Musee D’Orsay Tomlinson painting is in fact not a self-portrait is an intriguing one, and I may have discovered something that will have a bearing on that theory.

Some background: as you may remember, I’ve been researching for a book I’m writing about Harry Styles. I’ve been in communication with Styles’ last living descendant, who is in possession of a trunk that her family believed to have belonged to Styles himself. It held some personal items she presumes to be his, including two unmounted paintings and a small collection of letters.

Upon spending the last few days in Provins studying these items, I believe there to be a connection between Tomlinson and Styles, and I would very much like your opinion.

Are you up for a trip to France?

Sincerely, Liam Payne

Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

-this is one of the only recent fics on this list bc i like to stew in the past and pretend all my favorite writers havent left the fandom. i read it when it first came out and man oh man, its like poetry. so gorgeously written, and hl’s relationship is so deeply rooted and beautiful. i love

our little corner of the world by brownheadedstranger (30k)

AU. Louis is stuck in his mom’s diner for the summer. Harry is the line cook with a pickup truck.

-so good!! i’d die for americanized fics which doesnt even make sense bc i hate america but. what can u do 

i could dream all night by @fondleeds (73k) *

As the sun kisses the horizon, one last flash of light before the stars and the moon take over, his phone will brighten in his grasp, Louis’ name appearing on screen, come over or wanna see you or miss your mouth. Harry always lingers on those messages, elbows bruising on the cool metal of the railing by the lookout, watching the water as he thumbs at the side of his phone, lips bitten into his mouth, trying to will away the bubbling in his stomach, the heat that flushes to his neck at the thought of being thought of.

At the thought of Louis thinking of him.

AU. Harry spends his summer away from the city.

-lordt. where the fuck do i begin. first of all, lysha, if ur reading this, i’d die for u even tho u already killed me with this fic. second, what the fuck???? this is so good??? the imagery is exquisite, everything is so soft and hazy and warm, but just be warned that its a tRick. this fics wraps u in like a warm hug and then stabs u 7 times in the back so be prepared :-))) (warning for ambiguous ending)

another hazy may by deLILAh (41k) *

louis is a terrible poet and harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. bookshop meets military meets summer romance au ft. marlboros, the backstreet boys, and underrated literary devices.

-i dnot even wanna talk about it. i swear to god the first time i read this i stayed up all night and cried through literally like the last three quarters of it. its so poetic and gorgeous and now every time i think or hear about the literary present i wanna die so thanks for scarring me forever 

like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas (22k) *

au; harry breaks louis, louis breaks everything.

- listen i know im not supposed to like this but yknow what?? iconic. its absolutely a guilty pleasure and the only cheating fic ill ever give the time of day bc it just hurts so good 

take me to the church (series) by @kingsoftheimpossible (14k/6k/4k)

Harry and Louis are Horsemen of the Apocalypse- War and Conquest- but that’s not really important. They just like to fuck things up.

these r freaky but so so good. theres nothin i love more than boyfriends wreaking havoc on..everything. (the main warnings i’d say are for slight gore/violence and blasphemy. other than that i’d read the tags before you dive in)

if you love me, come clean by @victoryjacket​ (121k) *

AU in which Louis works at a recording studio where Harry’s ‘up and coming’ and ‘exciting’, soon-to-be famous indie band has just signed a deal to record their debut album at, and Louis’ never even heard of them for Christ’s sakes, but that doesn’t stop him from repeatedly catching the eye of the raven-haired, eyeliner-wearing and slightly dangerous-looking frontman (but he’s not interested, he isn’t.)

-everyone read my love’s fic right now. she writes tortured rockstar!harry beautifully and its just so good :-))))) ft. the slowest, sweetest burn 

a runaway american dream by dangerbears (15k)

AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.

-iconic. plus the whole thing is just hl trying and failing to be just bro pals and platonically share a bed

from the love to the lightning by orphan_account (22k) *

“i didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. because it’s the halves that halve you in half.”

 a like crazy au where harry and louis fall in america, but have to try to make it work when problems arise that force louis to stay in london.

-definitely in my top 10. first things first, the line that fucked me up forever: “Three thousand, four hundred and seventy one. There are 3471 miles and an entire ocean between them, but Harry doesn’t even have to get out of bed to find bone-crushing heartache.” AH. i think this might actually be the only long distance au ive ever read and its angsty as fuck but oh so worth it. like literally idek what to say except read this right now (warning for harry/ofc relationship that is pretty detailed, but i grew kinda fond of her? and anyway its mainly just a plot point to emphasize harrys pining for his tru love,,,,yk who) 

we can take the long way home by @eleadore (27k) *

“Fertile,” Louis says, and then laughs because it sounds stupid to say out loud. He hasn’t ever really thought of himself in those terms. Baby-making terms. It’s just one of those things his body can do, like exercise, or go without tea. Doesn’t mean he will.

or, The band takes a break. Harry and Louis come together.

-listen, i REALLY REALLY love this fic. its probably literally my favorite one shot, like, its really just so sweet and hot and its again one of those good ol RFWB tropes. loveeee

red brick heart by hazmesentir (99k) *

Harry has only had his room for thirty-two minutes when it stops being his.

Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn’t expect is a surprise roommate who’s loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he’s ever wanted.

-this is one of the few fandom faves i can get behind. i know its got that early era cliche of commitment phobe!louis but i really love hl’s relationship in this, and how harry comes to terms w his sexuality via making out w louis tomlinson like 500 times. plus the scene in the club where louis, uh, helps harry out just…GETS me, yknow? 

some things take root by navigator/quitter (50k) *

AU. Louis’ ex doesn’t get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

-pleasepleplalspelplseease. literally navigator can end me. this is THE fake relationship au yall, like, any fanart of hl making out near a bar gives me flashbacks to this fic. read it

keep yourself warm by navigator (20k)

AU. Harry sleeps around.

-this fic is really nice and oddly comforting, like, i just love the pining and the angst. its so !!!! 

with love comes strange currencies by mediaville (16k) *

One day One Direction will be over and Louis won’t be around Harry every waking moment. He’ll be able to finally get some space, let their bond dissipate as it’s bound to do, if they don’t mess up again. He can move to Costa Rica and forget that Harry Styles popped his first knot inside him. Until then, he’s going to have to deal with this.

or, They’re Accidentally Mated and Dealing With It Rather Badly.

-i con ic. listen, i have nothing against abo but im just .. not rly into it. however, THIS is the first abo fic i read and the only one i ever loved. like just the whole accidental mating and how it draws them to each other even tho its quite inconvenient, and how h takes cares of l when hes sick, i just..gotta go 

covered in lines (series) by mentalistecbm (24k)

He likes to imagine that he’s always aware of Harry’s eyes on him, but the spark that flashes across his body at how often Harry licks his lips while looking at his throat doesn’t feel like something he’s explicitly and consciously acknowledged before, but it feels familiar. Usual. Right.

(Louis is human, and Harry is lucky enough to be his vampire boyfriend.)

-noah fence but this is,,,, essentially twilight in au form, minus love triangles and werewolves. actually its completely different lmao, who am i, but the overall atmosphere and the vampire dynamics rly reminded me of it. i mean it in the best way!!! its so good, and anything involving dr*nking has me on the floor

weird honey by orphan_account (5k)

~staying up all night, talking blasphemous ash, weird honey~ 

(PWP where Harry is not 100% at home in his body and he and Louis use a sex toy to help work through the problem)

-this fic is soft and nice and makes me feel warm inside so highly recommend

who painted the moon black by throughthedark (95k) *

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t know. It just does.”

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six’s victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven’s victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

-listen. i do NOT want to talk about it. (ps harry throwing axes on the bbc literally  took me out by the knees bc of this fic)

one more for the stars by imsosorry (16k)

It’s different, and Louis knows that, because Harry’s got so much riding on this - a career and a future and his whole life. There’s talk of him going first overall in the draft, of entering the NFL after only two years in college, of going to New York or Seattle or Green Bay, and Louis wants to be there for him, wants to support him and help him make decisions, but he also kind of wants to pin him to the bed and cry and scream, What about me what about me what about me?

(au. Harry’s the star quarterback and Louis is about to graduate. It’s a heartbreak waiting to happen.)

-i think i mentioned before that sports au have me on the floor and this is no excpetion 

you and me were kings by ithacas (28k) *

harry plays football in a small town in west texas. louis might be the only person that doesn’t give a damn. au.

-another football au, this one with the added beauty of being set in southern us. im such a sucker for southern aus, mannnn, and this one is so soft and beautiful

hold onto your stars by vashtaneradas (16k) *

au; harry’s in the army, louis’ back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.

-are u srs????? this is another hazy may except…….Worse. like, im still working out the science of it but im pretty sure this killed me and brought me back to life just so i could suffer the pain of it forever. (nobody dies tho)

makes perfect by checkthemargins (8k)

“What if you practiced on like, a mannequin?” Louis presses. “Or one of those blow up sex dolls? Or even just like, I don’t know, a pillow or something. Whatever it’d fit around.”

Harry tilts his head thoughtfully, curls catching the light so entrancingly that Louis finds himself reaching up to push his fingers through them. “It’s different, though, innit? When it’s a real person. A pillow won’t snog me.”

“Why should it?” says Louis. “You can’t even take its bra off.”

hmmmm. hmmmmmmmm. im jus gonna leave this here,,,,,,,,,

all the diamonds you have here by vashtaneradas (21k) 

it hits louis now, how fucking close to the precipice they’re standing. 

or, an au feat. investment banking and children.

-its #confirmed that anything by vashtaneradas is guaranteed to be painful as hell. who said there cant be soul crushing angst in marriage/kid fics too ! 

wild and unruly by @100percentsassy/gloria_andrews (123k) *

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

-ending this with a classic. i trust that everyone has read this masterpiece already and that i dont have to say anything about it other than w o w 

______________________________________________________________

tis all for now! happy reading and pleaseee feel free to yell @ me about these fics if you liked them as much as i did!! 

[blondeandbubblyent-blog]

BLONDE AND BUBBLY: 02.15

an in this episode: we talk about your favorite couples from the hills!

madi: hi sexies! i’m madison ware and you are listening blonde and bubbly! this week is the week of love and for that i have four amazing guest for you guys! but before i present them, i’ll tell you which fantastic champagne we will almost all drink today! so the bottle of the day is an Armand de Brignac Gold Brut. without further ado, i’ll tell you guys our four guests! we have kazi and mia, and jinyoung and atlas! two married and solid couples that i have the pleasure to be friends with. i’ll start to interview jinyoung and atlas, then i’ll finish with mia and kazi!

madi: welcome atlas & jinyoung on this special valentines day episode of blonde and bubbly! I'm so hyped to have you guys!! Lets start without further ado with the first question: how long have you guys been together?

jinyoung:  over eight months I believe or in about that

madi: how did you guys meet?

atlas:  we grew up in busan, south korea, together, going to the same school and all though we weren’t actually friends. i always had a crush on him but i actually bullied him quite a bit because i was dumb and couldn’t even be nice to him. he ended up leaving to start training at bighit and i never really saw him until i came to the hills and we reunited

madi: this is so adorable!  what's your favorite memory of you guys?

atlas:  i have too many memories to choose from but i think getting to go with him on tour and see him do what he loves. it was really amazing to see how outgoing he was on stage and how he and the fans interacted and he even came down from stage to kiss me at every show so that was nice

jinyoung:  oh wow there’s so many. but i believe my favourite was when I took him to a dog cafe. you should’ve seen the way be lit up.

madi: awww!  who's the messiest?

atlas:  umm probably me, jinyoung is a clean freak and always is cleaning the house

jinyoung:  him. he probably said something about me cleaning the house. i like things clean. plus it gives me something to do

madi: i see..  what's your biggest pet peeve about your significant other?

jinyoung:  his stubbornness, in a way. my god, can that man get jealous. I want to smack him over the head sometimes but it’s not major.

atlas:  probably that he doesn’t realize how beautiful and amazing he truly is, but i’m working on it. he will realize it sooner or later.

madi: this is so adorable.  what's one thing you like the most in your significant other?

jinyoung:  his eyes, they’re what made me fall in the first place. he likes to believe he’s not soft but I could see it in his eyes, they’re warm, like home

atlas:  definitely his heart, he has the purest and kindest heart i’ve ever witnessed in a person. he sees the best in everyone (even if i don’t approve of it sometimes) and always wants to help make people feel better and make the world a better place. he truly is an angel

madi: im going to cry this is too much.  do you guys have any special plans for valentines day?

jinyoung:  uhh not that I’m aware of. I don’t make a big deal out of it because I think if you love someone it should be shown everyday not just go all out on the one day. but with that i’ll probably do something for him, maybe not big but meaningful

atlas:  i do have something planned that he does not know about and it will remain a secret until further notice

madi: oooooh...  Where was your first date?

jinyoung:  an aquarium. I love aquariums. anything water related tbh. i don’t even think I talked to him all that much I was too into the animals, but it was fun and he was very sweet.

madi: i love aquariums too!  What's your favorite thing to do together?

atlas:  personally.. my favorite thing to do with him is make breakfast. Well.. I normally make the pancakes and he will make the tea or cut the fruit. We are super domestic and always do stuff around the house together and take our dog for a walk or play with our cats, but I’d say waking up to him and then cooking breakfast together is a big favorite.

jinyoung:  I’m stuck between two. mornings, waking up to him and making breakfast and then watching the stars. those are just us things. the little things.

madi: this is all very romantic, i love it.  thank you so much for participating in this episode of blonde and bubbly, it was a pleasure to have you guys! I have one last questions for you guys; if you could give any relationships advice, what would it be? Thanks again for coming!

jinyoung:  ahhh you’re very welcome madi thank you for letting us on an episode. and oh gosh okay, um my advice would be communicate. I know a lot of people say this probably but it really is a big part. talk to each other, it can be hard sometimes but in the end it’s better. don’t hide things especially on how you’re feeling. whether you’re uncomfortable, or wanna try something. be open minded and respect each other’s choices. don’t wait to say things, just say them.  

atlas:  oh man, I really suck at giving advice but I will give it a go. I guess… don’t look for love or a relationship, it will come to you naturally and maybe when you least expect it. It could also be the person you least expect it to be, but definitely don’t wait around and look for love because when it is time it will come to you and if it’s meant to be it will be so amazing and life changing

madi: very good tips guys! we’ll now welcome mia and kazi!

madi: hi guys! tell us how long have you guys been together? 

kazi: been together for over a year, been married for 6 months, been crazy abt mia ALL the time:) 

mia: 10950.012 hours 

madi: and how did you guys meet?

kazi: we met in a lil town called toronto n she was sayin i liked toes in my butt? i hadn’t even TALKED to the lady before.. then we started dming and quickly became enemies

mia: i stayed in canada for a few months.. like two.. when i was 19 and i ran into him at a bar [wanted to know if they had mozzarella sticks] where i saw him flirting with eight different girls at once they were all competing for his attention he took them behind the bar one at a time and boinked dem all and i thought to myself well thats NOT sanitary so i started a rumor in the bar that he liked toes up his butt and he got mad and said hey, u there, stop spreading lies about me and the rest is history

madi: what's your favorite memory of you guys? 

kazi: my favorite memoryyyy idk there’s so many..when she told me she was pregnant (that‘s in the top 3 happiest moments of my life), when we got married, the whole day leading up to when i proposed n then when i actually proposed.. when we were fighting for like 2 days but we said we’d meet up on the beach in malibu to talk n we talked ALLL night n fell asleep there (didn’t get kidnapped by pirates).. when we babysat for luke and kaia the day after i told her i like her.. see there’s too many i could keep going 

mia: idk i cant pick one mostly because i cant remember my memory is terrible but also because theres so many.. but uhhh.. probably when we spent all night being weird and taking notes on each other and he was educating me about the weeknd and other artists he loved cuz i was really getting to know him and know what he loved 

madi: who's the messiest? 

kazi: i’m gonna say FATTY is the messiest esp cuz that one time he took a shit under the dining room table n it stinked the place up but i couldn’t find the freakin poop.. lil trickster 

mia: my boyfriend jose

madi: and what's your biggest pet peeve about your significant other? 

kazi: when she’s a stubborn freakin BRAT n she KNOWS i hate saying no to her so she keeps goin til she gets what she wants but i’m toughening up.. 

mia: not really a pet peeve but it just bothers me that hes kind of a pushover.. he’ll let anyone and everyone walk all over him wish he’d be more assertive and just punch someone in the face if they mess with him u know (i dont condone violence) 

madi: what's one thing you like the most in your significant other? 

kazi: i cant pick one thing cuz i love n adore everything abt her.. but i’ll say that i love her amazing sense of humor, her natural and genuine kindness, and her beautiful perfectly sculpted yiddies.. 

mia: hes so kind and genuine and loving to everyone and everything hes also really undertanding and patient especially with me 

madi: ugh you guys are so cute. do you guys have any special plans for valentines day? 

 kazi: no not yet, last year we went to paris and since mia’s pregnant this year we can’t go THAT far out but i think i might have an idea cookin so it’ll be fun 

mia: i forgot valentines day was a thing 

madi: Where was your first date?

madi: What's your favorite thing to do together? 

kazi: i think we spend a lot of time eating together we’re always cookin or doin smth food related.. that’s when we’re not havin SEX!!!!

 mia: iono i just like when its me and him [and our dogs] and we just talk for hours about anything and everything

madi: thank you so much for participating in this episode of blonde and bubbly, it was a pleasure to have you guys! I have one last questions for you guys; if you could give any relationships advice, what would it be? Thanks again for coming! 

kazi: date ur best friend it makes everything a billion times better 

mia: stay single 

madi: and that is it for today guys! i’m so glad that you accepted my offer and cant thank you enough! thank you so much atlas, jinyoung, kazi and mia for coming and participating! this is a reminder that blonde and bubbly was created by me and sabine al-masri who we all miss. and a big thank you again to mia for our amazing theme on tumblr, make sure you check it out! my name is madison ware, i’m blonde and i had wayy too much bubbly so it’s time for me to say goodbye! 

[rqs902]

.

so i watched the two-part first ep of the coming one super band (gosh darn it was long...) and it made me realize it’s been a while since ive watched a non-idol show LOL. overall it was more interesting to watch than i expected. i didnt have high expectations going in bc its not my usual type of show, but i knew i wanted to at least give it a try bc of ljt. i heard about what happened to hjx prior to this, so that put a damper on my spirits, but i still wanted to see how ljt would do. i did not imagine him in a band before this, but now i kind of can. 

i just cried a little inside when zhou zhennan asked liao juntao if zjy talks like mao buyi... oof 

i find it amusing that they all call ljt liao laoshi and he has lots of fanboys hahah and zzn calls him taotao and seems really close to him still

aw the way zzn specifically asks ljt to sing “don’t talk to me”, a song he hasn’t released yet, means they must keep in close contact and ljt shares his music with him, and zzn takes his songs to heart and truly listens and likes them. 

wow zzn really knows ljt’s guitar skills and rhythmic strengths and additional music styles could be demonstrated through this song and he wanted his friend to promote himself better by showing off a new song that may be more captivating to an audience in this type of setting. it really seemed like he was trying to protect and help ljt with genuine care. it’s been three years and the mrzz friendship still going strong warms my heart

OF COURSE THEY WOULD BRING UP “who” IT’S HIS CLAIM TO FAME SONG. and 3 years later, its still an amazing song. one of my favorites. 

also ljt’s quirky personality was one of my favorite characteristics about him. his talent and music goes without saying, he’s one of my favorite (if not my actual favorite) music makers. but his personality also just seems so fun and slightly strange LOL but like the way he pats his chest after each performance like hes calming his nerves (but you cant tell at all while hes singing) is such a contrast. 

UGH watching the montage from mrzz and then his story all the way through zzn’s crying literally brought me to tears.... lang lang saying how he could tell ljt has been through a lot... oh gosh and then those old clips of liao juntao with zhou zhennan, ma boqian, mao buyi, zhong yixuan UGH it just brought back so many memories and then the flashback to where ljt chose to battle meng zikun instead of wang jingli EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW HE WOULD LOSE AND HE HAD A BETTER CHANCE OF BEATING WJL......... aaaaaaahhhhhhhh because he wanted to protect his friends and let them go on to the next round. and never forget xue zhiqian’s heart-breaking “your choice may force you to struggle for another ten years” because he knew ljt was giving up such a rare opportunity. and mby just breaking down watching his friend commit career suicide basically ugh- that just- ughhh 

and the fact that even as a judge now, zhou zhennan just couldnt stop himself from crying when ljt called him “bro”

can you imagine what it’s like to be so close to success and to live the next three years knowing you had just as much capability and possibility as freaking mao buyi and zhou zhennan but you were still left behind, by such a hugely immense degree. to have lost too early on, even though you definitely had the talent to have at least made it to the next round, but you care too much about your friends to force your way through. 

ljt says he doesnt regret, and that is amazing to me. mao buyi and zhou zhennan are literally both judges on shows like this now. and hes still... a contestant.

lol wait i just had a thought, is ljt to super band what zzn was to produce camp? i really hope so. i feel like its inevitable tencent will favor him bc hes already signed to wjjw???? and hes probably the only one who has somewhat public recognition already? i really want ljt to debut as f-man... i cant imagine him on the sidelines. he deserves and needs to be the center of this eventual 5 person band. if wjjw messes him up again im literally going to question everything. 

ive never gone into a show with such a strong bias and desire for that bias to be center -- ive never dared to ask for that -- but ill say it again, ljt NEEDS AND DESERVES it. i didnt realize i felt so strongly about him until now. 

anyway, i can totally see how ljt and szb would get along, they both seem to have such sad stories (and ugh why is ljt so humble) but also how is tencent gonna deal with not having ljt as an f-man tho LOL

ouch watching the he junxiong part made my heart hurt... i heard about what happened, but watching it actually happen was still jarring. him not saying he wants his music to be commercialized, is that a reaction from what happened to “time of youth” ? It did feel like tencent stole that song from him and didnt credit him enough :\ so maybe he’d rather his music be remembered as in he wants to be remembered for his music? i do agree with zzn that hjx didnt sing the song as well as I expected him to this time though... my impression of he junxiong from produce camp was that he has a really nice voice and is really great at making music. but im surprised how much his attitude has changed. but i can understand it must be hard for him to see zzn sitting in front of him and not giving him his support. i guess from there in contrast, ljt’s humbleness is admirable. man, i wonder if/when we’ll see hjx again. tencent’s gonna hate him now lol.......

random but xu yang visually reminds me of yueyue and zhao ke visually reminds me of mu ziyang LOL also, i respect that hu yutong saw ryp was struggling with public speaking and let him go, but then went over to talk to him privately. he didnt want to make him uncomfortable and did his best to be gentle with his tone. but i agree it will be questionable for someone with such strong ideas like hyt to thrive in a group setting. 

there are a couple of kids besides ljt who im interested in, enough that i think ill keep watching this show for now, but also not enough for me to not be miffed that there are SO MANY extra clips/ shows (YET AGAIN) and i just dont want to / dont have time to watch them all just to look for ljt..... and ljt is still the main reason why id watch, so im gonna have to figure out if theres a way for me to just watch the ljt clips lol.................. 

also side note, seeing them do physically strenuous activities like three legged racing in the previews gave me horror flashbacks to afo and im so scarred from that show that seeing stuff like that just makes me super scared thinking that someone is going to get hurt. ugh its just so unnecessary and such a bad idea.  this was one of the worst parts about afo, the fact that the trainees kept getting injured doing dumb activities. why risk injury when your physical ability to do something as arbitrary as a three legged race should have no impact on your ability to succeed in a music competition???? it just seems so unnecessary and just there to add drama. sure it can build teamwork, but there are safer ways to build teamwork that may not lead to sprained ankles or scraped faces (UGH AFO) 

but anyway, if anyone else is actually watching this show, let me know! I saw a few people on twitter, but i dont think its gaining as much traction as an idol show would, since its a band show.