#i just. ion fuckin want periods anymore

[goblinbugthing]

hey does anyone know of any surgeons in florida that are willing to perform a hysterectomy on a patient that has no health issues or gender dysphoria regarding the uterus, and for a moderately affordable price?

[rimaiahwrites]

FIRST TIME —

Chapter three

Israel and Erik sat on the patio

Chairs, nodding their heads to the mumbled beat of the music playing inside. The way he stared at her and the way he touched her...god it was driving her crazy. "You look chill as hell." Erik chuckled taking a sip from his cup.

"Whatever you give me got me feeling myself," she replied with a loud laugh following behind finally feeling the Hennessy hit her slowly but surely. She was tippy and felt a bit hazy with her motions. She actually like being tippy it made her feel free and mellow.

Erik licked his lips slowly as he stared at her legs. He swiftly scooted closer to her brushing his thigh against her exposed one, playfully. She smiled and nudged his knee back. Giggling as she did so. "You cute as hell girl." Erik confessed drooping his arms over her bare shoulders. She blushed, turning her head the other way so he couldn't see, even though he wouldn't be able to see her flash red because of the dark pigment of her skin. She let out a quick 'thank you' glancing at him for a spit second. Her heart felt like it was about to beat out of her chest with how close he was to her. "Why you so shy? It's like one second you confident as hell then the next you look like you wanna hide under a rock." He said nudging her again. Israel shrugged taking her bottom lip into her mouth.

Erik straighten his leg out to the last step so he could dig in his front pocket, he pulled out a tiny bag of weed, a lighter and blunt papers.

Israel eyebrows raised as she intensity watch him put the green crummy substance in the middle of the brown floppy paper and rolling licking and running the flame over the blunt to keep it together. He felt her eyes stare holes into his head but, he ignored her as he put the blunt into his mouth. lighting it and taking a drag from it. The smoke fulled his lungs and he became more relaxed.

He almost forgot the young girl was even there until his heard her sniffing the air. He choked out a laugh that made his shoulders bounce as he watched her, with her nose in the air sniffing the smoke almost as if her life depended on it. "Why are you laughing? It smells so good..." She hummed while she closed her eyes, letting the smoke hug around her as he blow it in her face. "You might wanna slow down baby, or you gon' be high as hell and I ain't finna Carry yo ass to the car and shit." He chuckled softly rubbing the ashes from the blunt on the side of the wooden bar. She laughed along with him.  "What's it like being high?" She asked innocently, looking at him through her eyelashes. He smiled at that and asked "You never been high? Damn how old are you?" She was slightly taken back by his tone but nonetheless answered. "What does that how to do with my age? You can be 45 and still never smoked weed before." She argued back.

He leaned back onto the chair making it hit the house. "You never answered my question...how old are you again?" He asked yet again wanting to make sure she wasn't underage.

"You never answered mine but...I'm 18..." she said looking down at her feet. That's damn near underage he thought. But She on the other hand obviously knew that he was way older then her because he looked grown, grown. He had a Mustache and a beard, he was very muscular, bulky and tall. He just didn't look 'boyish' and his attitude was very mature.

"Shit I thought a nigga was bout to catch a case wit' the way yo ass was talking." He shook his head letting out yet another chuckle. She mumbled a Ha before saying "knowing my dad he wouldn't even go to the police, he'll probably kill You himself," he Raised his eyebrows telling her to elaborate a little.

"my dad is very overprotective plus he was in the military so he a little crazy now- which just isn't a good mix..."

"I remember when I was younger I lived next to this cute little boy name Tyler, I used to play with him all day every day until my dad found out, he scared the little boy by showing him his gun and telling him that "if you play with my little girl again, I'll kill you." The little boy cried his eyes out and never spoke to me again." She chuckled softly while kicking a pebble off the stair.

"yo dad sound like a crazy ass nigga damn, low key Sound like some shit I would do, I actually not to many years ago I beat my ex- hoe side nigga unconscious" He evilly grin at her before Continuing his rent.

"Ion play around wit that shit if you my bitch you ain't finna have a thousands of other niggas in yo phone ion care if they just your friends. If I'm fuckin' you then I'm the only nigga fucking You. Period. Ain't no side niggas." He hissed at her almost like they was fucking and he found her 'side niggas' in her contacts.

She stared at him while taking her lip in between her teeth. He grinned, showing off the golden caps he had on his bottom set of teeth. They shined in the moon light almost making her melt into her seat.

He so fine. She thought as she examined his Whole body from head to toe. "You like being spoken to like that don't you?" She raised her eyebrows. "I saw the way you bite your lip when I spoke to you harshly, you like that shit don't you?" He asked her, taking her chin in his hand, Pulling her face to his, their lips just almost touching.

She rolled her eyes pushing his head away from her slightly. "No, get out my face boy." She mumbled feeling herself get really shy and awkward all of a sudden. She was doing so good with not doing that, but of course he had to fuck it up for her.

"Nah don't pretend, you like that shit." he whispered against her lips with humor but she couldn't figure out what was so funny.

her eyes moved up to his with nothing but pare innocence in them. He moved in closer to her face pressing his lips against hers. She gasped but didn't pull away. "follow my lead princess," she melted at the pet name and tried to do exactly what he was doing. His lips moved in a slow pace so she could keep up, his hands ran up her back and right back down to her ass.

He smacked it making she gasped. he added his tongue in the mix while His other hand gripped her neck slightly applying pressure. She moaned and throw her head back and he quickly traveled his slow wet kisses down to her neck, he bit, suck and licked her coco butter scented skin while gripping her thighs and ass tightly in his rough, vain covered hands. She squealed when he found her sweet-spot and he sucked leaving a red-ish mark on the Front of her neck.

Her core wept and screamed for him to touch her but Israel was to afraid to tell him or even hint at him that she was tingling down there. It was starting to become wet and uncomfortable in her underwear so she squirmed in her seat letting out a another Soft "oh my gosh Erik-" he smirked against her neck and peck her lips a few times before backing away from her. She could still feel his lips on her and the taste of his tongue Lingered in her mouth. "You so fucking pretty you know that?" He asked pulling her up onto his lap so she was straddling his legs. her dress raised up and her light pink panties showed from underneath. "Yeah I know but thank you." She said giving him a teasingly smile. She wasn't nervous anymore, she was too far gone to care and far to lost in his lustful eyes. Erik grabbed her drink that sat on the side of her and brought it to her lips. "chug it," he demanded and she did as she was told. Chugging the rest of the dark sweetness that hide inside her cup.

"Good girl," He pecked her lips taking a liking to the taste of Hennessy and pineapple on them. She blushed at the praise. "That's gonna get you loosened up, I can tell you ain't done nun like this you all awkward and shit." She bite her lip as Her cheeks grow hot. Embarrassment washed over her and she screamed at herself to 'act normal'.

He chuckled to himself taking a drag from his blunt. "It's alright baby girl don't start overthinking shit." He said as if reading her mind, He stared into the dark sky only glaring at her for a second before going back to the blunt that was almost gone. His eyes hung low, his breathing calm and his dick hard from the Hennessy. "You trying to leave? I ain't really feeling this whole party thing, to be honest one of my niggas made me come, and a nigga hungry as fuck." she nodded. Just wanting to be around him for as long as she could. she felt desperate for male attention from someone other then her brothers and father, this was different, this was something she has never had before. All in one night she's gotten tippy, kissed and let a grown man grip and grind on her. She was excited for what was going to happen next. it was like she was in a crazy teen flick. "Yeah i wasn't really ether, my cousin dragged me here."

Erik grabbed her hand and pulled her back in the house and towards the front door but she stopped him once she realized that she came here with her cousin. "Wait I gotta tell my cousin I'm leaving." She said pulling away from him to walk towards jasmine who was now sitting on the dark-skinned-bright-white-smile man's lap.

Israel smiled knowingly at her cousin before bending down to whispered in her ear. "Is it ok if I leave? I'm gonna go with Erik." she beamed pointing at him from across the room. He nodded at them before walking over to them. Erik shook up with his friend Byron that jasmine was sitting on. "Wassup bro," he mumbled to the man that was now leaning against the wall. He replied with a noting much.

"Yeah it's ok, I know him plus-" Jasmine leaned in Israel's ear and whispered "I think he trying to dick me down tonight" she squealed and Israel laughed and rolled her eyes. "Ok call me tomorrow and tell how that goes." Israel wink as Erik said his good byes to his friend and started pulling her towards the front door. She stumbled a few times trying to keep up with Erik but it was a little hard with the tall heels she had on. He stopped and looked back at her, he could tell by the look of her face her feet Hurt. He didn't think twice before lifting the girl up bridal style,and resting her arms around his neck. She gasped and hit his chest while giggling. "Oh my gosh put me down, you don't have to carry me!" He chuckled. She hide in the crack of his neck as he unlocked the door to the passenger seat. She finally took her head from his neck when he sat her down on his black lather seat. She didn't noticed until now that the whole car was a shiny golden Jeep.

She gasped and ran her hands across the nice dash bored and seats. "Wow this car is so nice can I have it?" She joked playfully at him. He smirked at her before tossing the keys her way. "Sure if you really want it, I don't drive this one that much," he shrugged. "But In all honestly I would rather like to see yo sexy ass in my all black Lamborghini with the red detailing." He grinned showing off his gold caps.

She rolled her eyes and hummed a 'Mmhm'. She tossed him back his keys and put her seat belt on. He chuckled at her and shut her door before getting in the drivers seat.

"You hungry?" She nodded, Not really listening to what he just said because she was to busy playing with the thingy that she found on the side of her seat. He glanced over to her and grabbed it from her hands. "Why you touching shit?" She pouted but still asked "what is that?"

"You love asking questions huh?" She nodded and as seconds passed she was still looking at the side of his face. "What?" He growled at her. "What is that? A electric pen?" He chuckled.

"That's basically what it is. It's CBD you wanna try it?" He said playfully with a big grin spread across his face. She shook her head, now looking around the ear trying to find something new to mess with.

Erik raised his eyebrow as he watched her go through his stuff on the side of her seat. "Aye cut that shit out ma, damn sit still." He hissed. He grabbed her hands and sat them on her lap and she sat still, doing as she was told. "You seem like the boring meanie type." She snorted. He shrugged while taking a hit from his pen. "And you seem like the bratty 'gets whatever she wants' type." She pouted and crossed her arms very definitely And huffed out a "I'm not but go off." Under her breath, looking out of her window. He heard but decided to ignore her, for her own sake.

They pulled up to a house that looked old and beaten down. Her face scrunch up as her belly growled. "I thought we were going to get something to eat?"

"We are. But imma get my weed first then we came go get whatever you want." He stated before shutting and locking her inside the car for safety reasons. Erik was in and out in less than 10 minutes With a big bag pf weed. Israel was shocked at how much he had chuckled at her and put the bag in his back seat.

"Alright what what you trying to eat?" He asked once they were back in the car and on the road, the radio was on blast with drakes album scorpio, and it was a whole vibe to say the less. The smoke that flow through the air made them both smooth and mellowed out. "Let's get Wendy's! They got the spicy chicken nuggets back." He nodded and turn into the dive through to Wendy's. "What you want? Just the nuggets or a foe for foe?" He asked making her chuckling at the way he said it. "Yeah I want a four for four." She said playfully teasing him. He crack a smile at her before ordering her food.

He grabbed the bag and immediately dug in it grabbed a hand full of fries.

"Hey those are mine you have two burgers." Israel whines trying to reach for the bag that was in his lap. "I bought them tho." He mumbled with a mouth full of fries. Israel rolled her eyes, giggling before snatching the bag of food out of his lap and stuffing the burger in her mouth. "Damn you that hungry?"

"Shut up I told you I was that hungry." He snickered at her before relighting his blunt and taking a drag. "You mean as hell when you hungry you know that? You not you when you're hungry neckass." He said making her spit out her food a little from laughing. "Oh my gush Shut up!" He turn into a Hotel parking lot that was filled with empty cars so that they could eat, twenty minutes after they got done eating they were just talking, Erik sat with a blunt in his hand while he leaned all the back in his seat and Israel sat cross legged with her dress rising a bit up her thighs. Erik couldn't help but to wonder what juiciness laid in between her legs. The weed and sexual music that played In the background was definitely getting to him and he was ready to risk it all.

"Oh my gosh this is my song!" She squealed turning up the radio when one of her favorite artist voice ring through the speaker of Erik's car. BMO by ari Lennox. She began move her hips in a sensual manner while closing her eyes, lip singing along to the song. She couldn't help but to move with the smooth beat.

Erik's hungry eyes couldn't stop watching her in Amazement, he loved the way her brown skin glow from the moon light and the thick shea butter that costed her skin. She turned to face him and sang the words to him softly, with a big goofy smile on her face.

"That bodies on fire

Ooh love me long, 'til you get tired

Ooh baby you got what I (want)

You's a real one, I'm inspired"

Erik shook his head at her before laughing while She kept singing and dancing to the song, paying him no attention.

He dug his phone out of his pocket to check the time.

3:45

"Your parents don't be tripping when you out this late?" She shook her head curling up in her seat. "They don't know I'm out, they really strict And don't be letting me out the house so I snuck out."

"What if you get caught?" She shrugged eating a cold fry from her Wendy's bag. "My dad probably going to beat my ass." His eyebrows raised. "Hell nah you to damn old to still be getting ass whoopings."

"You should tell my dad that." She mumbled. Erik's mind went to the worst but he didn't ask any questions.

"Well we should get you home then."

-

"When can I see you again?" She asked pouting slightly, not wanting to leave him so soon.

"Ion know but imma text you, alright princess?" She nodded. "Alright go get yo pretty ass in the house before yo daddy come out here swinging." He said jokingly, smacking her ass.

"Ok bye Erik." She whined before walking up to the tree to climb up to her bedroom window. Erik chuckled as he watched her struggle climbing to the tree. When she finally made it up and fall inside to her room she quickly popped up and waved at him. He chucked the deuces up before pulling off.

[uberff]

Chapter 16

Robyn

I had to admit, each and every word that Jaylen spat at me cut me deep. I tried telling myself that he didn’t mean it and he was just trying to get under my skin, but when you think about it.. it all started to make sense. Knowing Jaylen, he probably did mean it.

Just like he said, I couldn’t keep a man. Maybe the problem was me.

But then, I remembered that I didn’t come all the way out here just to let little ass words affect me. If that’s how he feels about me, cool. He’s not my problem anymore.

I wish my dad was here to tell me his daily speech of how niggas weren’t shit. It’s crazy because I remember being a baby and hearing him tell me that every two minutes. “These nappy headed ass niggas aint shit. I know because I ain’t shit. Ion even know why ya mama put up wit me.”

He stayed calling somebody nappy headed when he didn’t even have hair. I found that super funny.

I took the small picture out of my wallet of him kissing my cheek. This was one of my favorite pictures of us.

Looking at it brought back good and bad memories. He was everything and more.

All of a sudden, flashbacks of him laying lifelessly in my arms started to play. There was blood every where, as he looked me dead in my eyes before they shut on their own.

I hurriedly closed my wallet so that I wouldn’t get too emotional and quickly put on some cartoons because they would always seem to make me happy.

After calming myself down, I had the urge to get up and go somewhere. I don’t know where this sudden feeling came from, but I felt like getting my hair done and spoiling myself. If you asked me, I deserved it.

I began to remember that Deja had gave her number just Incase I needed to know where all the good spots were. Her hair was pretty laid the last time I seen her, maybe I could go wherever she went.

Tapping on her contact name, it rang a few times before she answered. “Hey Deja.” I could tell she was at the shop because I heard Eric in the background flaming her like always.

“Hey, Robyn, what’s up?” Deja asked, I smiled slightly at the sound of Eric’s voice in the background and bit my lips. He was everything, ya’ll. His vibe and first impression was so fresh and just far from what I’m used to dealing with my other exes.

“Just loungin’ around the house today. Still tryna gather myself after fashion week.”

“That was a crazy night. What’d you have in mind?” she asked.

“I’m just tryna treat myself. What’s a good hair spot around here?”

“Definately uptown. Them Dominicans will have you RIGHT. Just don’t let them trim it. Hoes turn into Edward Scissorhands quick.” she snapped her fingers with a laugh and I joined her. “Girl, yes. Treat yourself, you don’t need no bum ass niggas in your life, fuckin’ up your groove.” she said. Sounding just like my father. I smiled and nodded.

“You’re right. Thanks, babe.” she was the closest thing I had to Winter right now, but nothing beats the real thing. I had to remind myself to call her later.

“Ooh and come by the shop when you’re done. I wanna see.”

I nodded as if she could see me and wrapped up the phone conversation. “K, I’ll see you around 5.”

“Heard. Bring me some Sonic on your way. I’ll treat you when I get off.”

“Okay.” I hung the phone and requested my Lyft. While I waited, I went to Instagram and saw that the blogs LOVED my designs, I’m just glad that the cameras were outta there by the time Jaylen showed up. The one time I try to distance myself after I get cheated on, I’m in the wrong. Bitch, if I tell you to stay away from me, I mean it. Ain’t no love lost, just get the fuck from ‘round me. Period.

**

After I got my hair pressed and laid to the gods, I spent a good chunk of time in the back of another Lyft, this Memphis traffic threatened to kill my vibe but I just occupied myself with some music. I eventually hopped out and rated the driver once he dropped me off at the tattoo shop and I walked in. I immediately started bobbing my head to TLC that was playing. This enviroment was really vibes.

“Oh mah gahhhh.” Deja jogged from around her desk and played with my hair. “I told you, them bitches slay. I’m the plug on recommendations, huh?”

“Yeah, you aight.” I smiled and flipped my hair. A habit I fell into the second the stylist handed me the mirror.

“Girl, don’t get all brand new on me now.” we laughed and I shook my head.

“Never. Here.” I handed her the bag of Sonic and sat in my favorite seat. We continued to talk until Eric came out of his cave with a happy client.

“Yo, E. This shit is fire, you the only arist I fuck with in the 901.”

“Appreciate you, man. I’ll holla at you.” he brushed it off and shook his hand. I noticed over the weeks that he hated when people gassed him. He’s humble as shit.

“Pretty mama ain’t gon’ greet me?” he asked, walking over to me while I was stuffing my face with some onion rings.

“Hey Eric.” I waved and he took my hand and kissed the back of it softly.

“What’s good withchu? I see you got your hair did.” he played with a loose curl and I smiled.

“Yeah, you know.” I flipped it and stuck my tongue out.

“It looks good. Keep it like that. Your man gon’ appreciate it.”

“My man?” I mumbled, damn near choking on my Frozen Blueberry Lemonade.

“Yeah, the nigga with the sloppy tats that was at the spot the other night. I ain’t mean to come off all flirty or nothin’. I ain’t know.”

“Eric, I’m single as fuck.” I stopped him dead in his tracks. He tensed down and a smirk appeared on his face. This nigga.

“Who was that nigga all up in yo grill then?”

“An ex.”

“Nigga was shooting daggers. Staring hard as fuck, lucky I wasn’t strapped.” I sucked my teeth. Eric was the sweetest person I knew. Not even into the street life, just owned a fitness center and tattooed on the side.

“With what? Your tattoo gun?”

“You got jokes.” he plucked and onion ring from my fingers and bit it sexily in front of me. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

“What brings you here, girl? Deja’s nappy headed ass?” I laughed loudly. There’s signs of my father everywhere today.

“Yes, the lovely Deja wanted to me to come see her after I got my hair laid.”

“That’s it? You know a fine nigga work here right? Got all the honey’s sweating.”

“I been coming here for a bit, I ain’t seen him.”

“Funny ‘cause he been seeing you. He felt all on ya soft ass skin when he tatted you a few weeks ago.” I raised my eyebrows and looked at Deja for help. She looked away laughing loudly.

“What?” he sat up from his seat that was across me and hovered over me, inches away from my face. “I’m saying all the right shit, huh?” I bit my lips and tried not to acknowlege his fine ass.

“You know why?”

“Huh?” I sounded like the legally blind lady.

“Your burger look good as fuck.” he quickly bit into it and ran off. The three of us were dying laughing for a good five minutes after that. I couldn’t even be mad, that was smooth.

He was forever talking shit about me being vegan, but he was quick as hell to take a bite out of my burger that had no type of meat on it.

“Nah for real, you need me?” he asked seriously, examining the tattoo of my mother to see if she was still in good shape.

“Yeah, my father.” I smiled.

“Say less. You got a picture?” I nodded and scrolled through my phone for my top favorite picture of my father before giving it to Eric. I knew he wasn’t gonna disappoint me. His skills were on point.

We joked around and had our serious moments here and there, but overall, the session went by quick as hell. Since I had got it bigger, it took more time but I didn’t mind at all. It didn’t hurt as bad as the first time, but my arm was still in pain.

I said my goodbye to Deja but she was too busy in her phone to even notice me leaving. She stayed in her phone all the time.

“So what about that number?” He questioned as he walked me out to the Lyft that I was taking home. He insisted on driving me home, but I told him that he didn’t have to.

“Bye Eric.” I laughed, shutting the car door as the driver pulled off. I heard him chuckle before going back into the shop.

It wasn’t long before I reached my apartment, and the first person I seen was Winter sitting in front of my door, on the steps. She looked up and we both screamed instantly. “Bitch! Look at you!” She yelled, embracing me into a hug as I shushed her.

“Let’s bring this reunion in cause my white ass neighbors will call security on my ass at the drop of a leaf.” I stated as she laughed like I told the funniest joke ever. It was true.

These white folks hated noise.

All jokes aside, I couldn’t wait to catch up with my Win and stay up all night to watch movies. I missed her so much.

**

As I hung up paintings of my idols in the music and fashion industry, I sung along to Nicki’s Still I Rise that was playing from my speakers. After a few touches, my apartment was gonna be done with everything. I couldn’t wait, because I spent everyday decorating it.

In a few days, I had a meeting to go to where I was gonna sign papers to finalize getting my own shop. God was blessing me left and right and I was super thankful. I never thought that I’d be where I am today.

Just a few years ago, I was fresh out of high school and confused. I didn’t know what to do with my life and my parents weren’t here to guide me like they always did. I grew up always hearing from teachers and adults that the only way I’d be successful was if I had some sort of degree. My dad would shut that down every time.

Of course, he didn’t make the smartest decisions career wise, but minimum wage just wasn’t enough for him. He always said that once he had a good amount saved up for us, he was gonna quit and move me and my mom to LA with him to start his acting career. Unfortunately, it never got to happen. He left me millions of dollars, and til this day, I haven’t touched anything. I don’t want to unless I actually needed it.

Without his daily speeches and words or wisdom, I didn’t think that I’d be able to follow my dreams, but when you have faith in yourself and God, anything is possible. I just know my parents are looking down at me with smiles on their faces. They’d be so proud.

I was knocked out of my thoughts when I heard a few knocks come from the front door. Turning my music down completely, I jogged to the door and looked through the peep hole only to see Deja and Eric talking. Win and I were having a movie night and once I told her about Deja, she wanted to meet “the bitch who stole me away from her”.

“Who is that? You already replacing me, huh?” Winter questioned as she came from the kitchen. Her ass stayed in the kitchen.

“I could never replace you, love bug.” I told her before swinging the door open, letting the both of them in. Deja greeted me before making her way straight to the kitchen, just like Winter. I noticed Winter was eyeing her like a piece of meat.

I laughed at her before I heard Eric clear his throat. “A nigga can’t get a hug? A hey, how you doing?” He bit his lip, looking down at me.

I smiled and embraced him in a hug, that lasted for about a good 15 seconds. “That’s enough.” Winter announced as we both chuckled until we realized that she was serious.

I knew she was about to question the shit out of him. I hadn’t told her about him yet. I didn’t think I had to.

“So, Who are you? Where you from? How long you been knowing Robyn? You know she’s a virgin?” She questioned, standing up as she made her way over to us. I sucked my teeth at the lie she told.

“My name Eric, born and raised here, and for a few weeks now.”

“Mhm. What’s your intentions with h-“ I cut off her police questions, as Eric laughed. You would’ve thought that she was my mother.

“Winter, you have nothing to worry about. We’re Gucci.” I smiled as she gave me a skeptical look before waving me off. I knew she was just looking out for me, and I appreciated that but we were literally just friends. She was acting like I was about to marry him.

“Anyways, you’ve met Eric already.. but this is Deja. Deja, this is my lovely sister in law, Winter.”

“Nice tits, Deja.” Winter complimented as she looked at Deja’s boobs through her mesh bodysuit.

“Thanks.” She winked as Winter smiled. I guess she liked her.

“Eh, y’all are so gay.” I fake gagged as Eric started to agree with me.

“I’m gay as hell, you ain’t know?” Deja questioned, as I shook my head no. She didn’t come off gay at all but it all started to make sense once I remembered how much she talked about how niggas ain’t shit.

“You hella late, it’s obvious.” Eric stated as him and Deja started to go back and forth like always. We weren’t gonna be able to watch anything at the rate they were going at.

**

“Aye, let me ask you some shit.” He said, sitting up on the couch. We were all watching a kiddy ass JigSaw movie, but Winter and Deja were too busy mingling to even notice Eric and I.

I should take a picture and show Odell.

“Ask away.” I laughed at my thoughts. He looked at me, wondering why I was laughing but just shrugged it off. He probably thought it was from the shots I had took earlier. I wasn’t drunk, but I was a little tipsy.

“Look, I know you just got out of a relationship and shit but.. I just had to ask. Can I take you out?” I sighed lowly and sat up from the position that I was lying in.

“Eric, I don’t wanna rus-“

“Don’t think of it as a date. Just going out as friends. Even Deja and ya homegirl Winter can come. You don’t even have to dress up. Ion want you to feel like I’m pressuring you into anything. I just think you dope as fuck and I wanna get to know you more and go places instead of sitting in the house. What you say?”

I couldn’t fight the smile that slowly appeared on my face. “Deal. Only as friends though.” I wrapped my pinky around his as he looked at me with a stale face.

“I’m a grown ass man.” I chuckled, and just kept my pinky to myself.

“How else is the deal supposed to be finalized?”

“Just take my word for it.” He winked before closing his eyes. I begged and begged for him not to fall asleep on me, yet his snores could be heard within a minute later. I didn’t even bother waking him because I knew he was really tired.

I sighed and made my way across the hall to my bedroom, making myself comfortable so that I could fall asleep. Surprisingly, I drifted off to sleep with no problem.

Unfortunately, my session was cut short when I had to wake up in the middle of the night to go pee.

As I rubbed my eyes from the nap I just took, I walked into the living room only to see Deja and Winter asleep on the couch together. Let me find out these two hoes did something that they had no business doing.

I noticed that Winter wasn’t asleep at all and she was just on her phone. “Girl, come here.” I whispered as she rolled her eyes before carefully removing herself from up under Deja, following me into the bathroom.

“What you do last night?”

“Girl please, don’t even start. I thought about it, but I love dick too much. Your brothers at that. She’s bad though. Where you meet her?” She smiled, waving me off. I scrunched up my face at the mention of O and proceeded to tell her how we met.

“She works at Eric’s shop and while I was waiting for him to get ready, she kept me company and we instantly clicked.”

“I like her, you should let her come to NY when you visit. She said she’s never been outside of Memphis.”

I was glad that she liked her, because she didn’t like any damn body. She’s been knowing Jaylen for years and she still doesn’t like his ass.

Once we were both done brushing our teeth, we went back in the living room. “Ma, I’m at Robyn’s place.” I heard Deja say. Her mother was so protective over her and it was too cute. She hated it but at least she had a mother.

“I’m 23 years old ma, I think I’m pretty responsible.”

“That’s why I don’t take her kiddy ass no where with me.” Eric laughed, shaking his head.

“Why?”

“Cause her mama be calling every 2 minutes, literally. Love her mom to death but De’s a grown ass woman. She been babying her all her life. I tried to take her to a party with me once, never again bruh. Her mom drove a whole hour away to the party just cause she wasn’t answering her phone. Shit was crazy.”

“Awwww.” I laughed, trying not to get too emotional. She just really loved her baby. I wouldn’t mind.

“Fuck that shit, mama gotta chill. She ain’t gone ever learn if she baby’s her all the time. I asked to her to drive last night, and she told me she didn’t know how. I almost choked on my damn pineapple.” Winter added her opinion.

“Hold up, where was y’all going?” Eric questioned as she sucked her teeth.

“None of your business, it’s none of your business.” She sang like Mr Hot Spot, making all of us bust into a fit of laughter. I hate her.

“What y’all laughing at?” Deja asked as she came from the patio, sticking her phone in her bra. She sat between Winter and I, waiting for us to inform her on the joke.

I looked at her and noticed her fresh morning face, which was beautiful. No wonder Winter had a little crush on her.

“Tried to find out what was up wit you and Winter but she shut that shit down real quick.”

“Yea nigga, mind ya business.” She grabbed Winter, wrapping her arms around her.

“We still going out tonight?” Winter questioned, looking at me. I nodded and grabbed the both of them to see what I was wearing until I heard Eric’s voice.

“Aye, I’m bout to head out. It was nice chillin’ wit you.” He stood up, waiting for me to give him his hug that he was forever asking for. It was cute though.

Winter and Deja stood there instigating as I waved for them to just go in my room like they were supposed to be doing in the first place.

“You too, be safe.” I stood on my tippy toes to give him a hug as he kissed me on the cheek.

**

After putting on my skin right Red dress, I began to admire myself in the mirror. I was going out with Winter and Deja tonight and I was so excited. I haven’t went out and had a good time in a while.

Just as I started to sing along to my music, it had cut off due to someone calling me. I sucked my teeth and snatched my phone off of my dresser and answered without checking for Caller ID.

“Hello?” I questioned realizing that it was a FaceTime call.

I looked at the screen and realized that it was Jaylen driving. I really don’t know how he’s getting my information. I changed my number months ago. I wouldn’t be surprised if I moved to Europe and he still found me.

“What do you want Jaylen? Thought I was wack.” In all honesty, my feelings were very hurt when he said that to me. I felt stupid. I couldn’t even cry, I just felt as if he slapped me in the face.

He instantly started to laugh. “W-who said that shit? Baby you perrrrrrrfect.” He grinned widely, as I got a better view of his bloodshot red eyes. Here he goes with these damn drugs.

“I’m on my waaaaay to your spot.” He sang playfully as I rolled my eyes. I don’t know where he thought he was going.

“Nigga you don’t know where I live.”

“Why I’m outside then?” I quickly checked through my blinds and saw Jaylen’s white car parked in the parking lot. My heart dropped to my ass instantly.

Bitch.

“Come out.” He said simply before hanging up. I sighed loudly and threw my phone back on the bed. I wasn’t coming to shit. Not after that smart ass comment he said to me about how wack me and my designs are.

As I bent down to look for my lipgloss, I felt a presence behind me. I jumped instantly before realizing it was Jaylen. “How’d you get in here?!” I held my chest as he smiled.

“Baby you know many licks I done hit? That shit easy as 123.” He shrugged, casually sitting on my bed. Who did he think he was?

“You look nice. Now let’s talk about us.” He leaned back, waiting for my next reaction. I scrunched up my face and removed his feet from my bed as they now hit the floor due to how tall he was.

“We’re not getting back together, Jaylen.”

He was seriously going to make me cry again. He didn’t get it. I wanted to just jump back in his arms and hear him tell me how sorry he was, and make up but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

Everyday, I think about the way he held her as they kissed as if I wasn’t standing there the whole time. The way he didn’t pull away as if he were enjoying every bit of it. It makes me sick to my stomach every time.

I try to look past it, but that’s what got me here in the first place. Every time I thought that something iffy was going on, even in my past relationships, I just brushed it off yet that seemed to be what was actually going on it the first place.

I love Jaylen dearly, but who says he won’t do it again? Who says a kiss won’t be more next time? He needs to learn.

I need to learn.

That I’m a beautiful young lady and I didn’t need a man to be happy. That I don’t need a man to feel loved. That I’m perfect the way God has made me and how I needed to stop blaming myself for my failed relationships. My self esteem that was once high, was now low and that is what I needed to be worried about before I jumped into anything.

I needed to learn to love myself.

I was starting to grow annoyed and annoyed the more Jaylen pressured me into getting back together with him. It’s like he thought everything was going perfect when it wasn’t.

We both need help and he’s being really selfish.

“Bruh do I gotta give you an arm and a leg for you to take me back? Damn a nigga tired of begging. Bout to start demanding shit round’ here.” He huffed like a big ass baby. I chuckled at his frustration.

“Jaylen, you just told me I was a wack bitch and how I couldn’t keep a man. You’re hella disrespectful. From the day I met you, you were.” He stayed quiet because he knew it was true.

“You think I meant that shit? I was pissed off. Don’t be sitting up here acting like you wasn’t wrong for what you did. I’ve lost many clients because of that shit yet I’m still here tryna rekindle shit witcho’ mean ass. I said I didn’t want shit to do with you, but my black ass right back in ya face. I can’t stay away from you Rob, I love you too much.” By now, I could tell he was starting to sober up.

“Just stop it. I don’t even fully have myself together right now. You need to grow up.”

“I need to grow up? Girl please, look who talkin’. You the one that showed up to my showcase and acted a fucking fool. You should’ve won an Oscar for that bullshit. Outta ya fuckin rabbit ass mind. Ion know who or what possessed you to do some shit like that but that shit wasn’t cool.”

“You’re right, I’m not any better than you. We both have a lot of growing up to do which is why we shouldn’t be together right now.”

“Now you just making up excuses. You really acting like I fucked the girl. Yes it was wrong but it was just a kiss, damn.” He sounded stupid.

“I don’t care if it was just a hug, don’t be giving away what’s mines!”

“So you really not tryna get back together?” He sucked his teeth.

“No, J-“

“Hold up! Is it cause that Incredible Hulk ass nigga that took you home? You fucking him? That’s why you got all dressed up?” He was talking about Eric and I knew he was pissed off about it.

“Why is that your business?”

“Because you mines, fuck you thought?” I didn’t like how he thought he owned me.

“Jay, look I thin-“

He quickly crashed his lips into mines, catching me off guard a bit. At first, I didn’t react but eventually, I gave in. I couldn’t lie, I missed his touch, let along being in his presence, but sometimes it was okay to love something from a distance.

As he started to suck on my neck, he tried to pull at my dress but my hand was in the way. “Move ya hand, and let me eat it. Just a few minutes.” He sucked his teeth. I thought about it for a second and realized that we should just stop. Having sex isn’t gonna solve anything. It’s only gonna make matters worse.

“I think you should leave.” I sat up, fixing my clothes and he stared at me as if I had two heads. You could see the hard-on through his pants.

“So that’s it?”

“Jaylen, just give me ti-“ he groaned loudly, throwing a mini tantrum. See what I was talking about? He grown ass hell still throwing tantrums when he didn’t get his way.

“Time for what bruh? I’m not bout to be out here fucking waiting on you like you a date. I got shit to do back in NY. Either you hear me out now or never. Muhfuckas ain’t got time.” I didn’t like the little attitude he had. That’s what he needed to work on. He acted as if everything had to be his way or no way at all.

“Well bye nigga, nobody told you to show up in the first place.” I rolled my eyes as he shrugged and started to grab his belongings.

“Bye, shit. You want a nigga to do some fucking magic tricks and bow down to ya simple ass like you a God or some shit, fuck outta here.” He mumbled as he put his shirt back on, grabbing his things. See, there he goes with this ugly ass attitude.

“So you’re mad?” I laughed.

“Fuck yea I am. I really don’t understand why you playing these games and acting like you don’t miss me.”

“I never said I didn-“ Before I could finish my sentence, the front door slammed and he was out like the light. I shrugged my shoulders and proceeded to finish getting ready until I realized that I never heard his engine. I looked out of the window and noticed his car still sitting in the driveway.

The sound of glass hitting the ground made me jump. He had thrown a bottle of Hennessy out of his car. He was always throwing shit around like he didn’t have no damn sense whenever he was mad.

A few seconds later, my phone lit up and I was expecting it to be Deja or Winter but it was only Jaylen.

3476437885: how long you need 🙄

I rolled my eyes at his message and almost didn’t respond, but I did anyways.

Me: really? get off my phone jaylen, seriously.

3476437885: 🤦🏽‍♂️ look Robyn, I’m scared that you gone fuck around and meet someone else during this “time” we apart. You all the way in Memphis, so of course you are.

Me: I moved out here to have some fun and focus on myself, Jay. I can’t do that if we jump back into a relationship. We’re both broken and have problems that we need to fix. I love you a lot actually and I forgive you but we both have some growing up to do.

3476437885: 😐 so it was a piece of cake to jump back on king Kong’s dick but when I do some shit, you acting like I stabbed your granny or something. Foh now you got me tight.

I left his message on read and began to tune him out. I wasn’t about to let him ruin another night of mines. I was considering giving him another chance because I love him, but fuck it. He still wants to be an asshole about the situation.

Kai

I was 2 days fresh out of jail and I couldn’t wait to surprise Kayla tonight. My mom had told me that she was out in Memphis bringing my brand out. She had came up with a brilliant idea of coming to different cities that I don’t have locations in.

She didn’t think I’d be out until a few years later. Shit, I didn’t either. Luckily, the strict ass judge I had ended up dying due to health problems and got replaced with the girl I used to kick it with back in high school.

I was happy as shit and thankful.

She didn’t ask for anything in return, but I gifted her anyways. She was gone be straight forever.

Shit was stressful being in the pen. I’ve gotten in multiple fights, stabbed once, and the food was horrible.

The first couple of weeks, Robyn visited me nonstop. She didn’t tell me that she was pregnant with my child until a few visits later. I didn’t really have a reaction to her nor Kayla telling me the news, because I just couldn’t handle the hurt again. Losing my baby was the biggest fucking challenge that I had to go through. I’m still trying to get through it.

*Flashback*

“KAIDEN!” I heard Kayla call from downstairs. I ended up cutting my damn self because I was shaving my face and she scared the shit out of me. Sighing, I ran downstairs only to see the two police officers sitting on our couch.

They were helping us with this whole situation looking for Kaila. It’s been a month, and I ain’t ever giving up. I know she’s out there some where.

“Any good news?” I smiled, sitting down next to kayla as I held her hand. She had the same hopeful look on her face as I did, but the look on the officers’ faces said otherwise.

“After searching around nonstop for 2 weeks straight, we found her bu-“

“I KNEW IT!” I stood up putting on my shoes and coat because it was mad cold outside. Kayla was just as excited as I was until we noticed that the officers weren’t getting up.

“What y’all doing? Come on.” I smiled, waiting by the door so they could get they slow asses up and take me to my baby girl. Not hearing her voice for the past weeks was breaking me. It’s been hella quiet in here.

“Mr. Sanchez, we found her, but unfortunately.. she was pronounced dead on the scene. Her body had been sitting there for.. days.”

*Flashback Over*

Ever since then, I’ve told myself that I’d never have kids again because that pain was just too much. It’s still taking time for me to heal, because I’ll never forget that. Kaila was my everything.

I guess everything was just too much for Robyn, because she ended up having a miscarriage. I wish she would’ve talked to me about it so that I could comfort her, but she just stopped visiting after that.

Ion’ know where she’s at or how she’s doing, but I wish the best for her. She deserves it.

**

As I searched around for the hotel building that Kayla was staying in, I stopped in my tracks once I seen her.

“Robyn?” She turned around with a confused expression until she saw me. Her face held no emotion whatsoever. Shit was crazy, because I remember over a year ago we were just in love.

“Kai, I really don’t have ti-“ she tried to walk off but I stopped her. She looked so damn good that I just had to question why the fuck did I ever cheat on her?

“Just 2 minutes?”

“No, we have nothing to talk about. Where’s Kayla? Go tend to her.”

“So I cant ask how you been?” She rolled her eyes and leaned up against the wall as my frame towered hers. I just wanted to see how she was doing, that’s all. I never thought I’d see her face again.

“I’ve been fine Kai, I’m a big girl.” I stared at her for a few seconds before sighing. I could see the pain in her eyes. That big bright smile always overshadowed it.

“Aye, I didn’t want us to ever end up like this. You one of the sweetest females I’ve ever met, and I’m fucking stupid for playing you like that. I hope you can forgive me.”

With the look she was giving me, I knew she wasn’t having it. “You don’t think I’m hurt?”

“Oh please Kaiden, what the fuck do you have to be hurt about?” She rolled her eyes. I wouldn’t be surprised if they fell out.

“Robyn, you told me you miscarried my child and how you didn’t want me in ya life no more cause you was getting serious with another nigga and then dipped like it was nothing! You think I’m an emotionless ass nigga? My fucking feelings was hurt!” She rose an eyebrow at the sudden raise in my tone.

“It’s not like you wanted it anyways! When I told you the news, you sat there and didn’t smile or anything.”

“Because you know how I feel about kids. I wasn’t happy at the moment but I started to think about having a little you around here and it made me anxious.”

“Kai, you cheated on me. I know you did it multiple times too, I may have been stupid back then but you can’t fool me now. Every time we’d argue and I didn’t wanna give you any, you’d go get some from Kayla. Tell me I’m lying?”

“You not.”

“Exactly, and now you got your baby with her so get out my face.” She rolled her eyes and started to walk off until I grabbed her arm.

“Aye don’t be grabbing on her like that.” I heard a male voice, as Robyn snatched away from me.

I know it wasn’t who I think it was.

Jaylen

I stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel to go back in my room. As I opened the door, I seen the same set of twins from last night still in my bed. They was honestly supposed to leave last night, but we all fell asleep.

“Bruh, I called y’all an Uber before I got in the shower. What y’all still here for?” I questioned, wrapping the towel around my waist. I had been in the shower for at least a good 45 minutes, they should’ve been gone. They lucky that I was even nice enough to pay for they high ass uber. They don’t live no where near over here.

I had got a lil wild at the club last night, and I was getting over a hangover. I ain’t feel like dealing with no bitches right now to be quite fucking honest. I had enough shit to deal with.

“It never came.” These bitches was lying.

They was cuter when they ass up and face was down.

“Well y’all need to find a way home, cause I aint driving.” I assured her as I grabbed my deodorant. They both rolled their eyes and started to put on their clothes.

I slipped into some boxers and grabbed a pair of sweats before making my way down the stairs. I didn’t feel like making breakfast, but it was cold as shit outside so I guess I’d have to.

I checked in the fridge and had everything I needed except milk. Fuck. Since O was still holding a grudge, I decided to go to the neighbor across from us.

“You got some milk?”

“Ye- Bruh why’re eyes so red this early?” The middle age white man questioned.

“Nigga I smoked when I got up.”

“You need to stop smoking so much. That’s why your ass is dumb now.” Niggas was forever trying to call me dumb when my GPA was a 4.0

“Nigga shut up and give me the milk. You think you Dr.Phil?” I hated when people told me that I smoked too much. You could never smoke too much. They better be happy that I ain’t out here smoking cigarettes.

He sighed like the bitch he was and went to go get the jug of milk. 2%, just how I liked it. I snatched it away from him and proceeded to go back to my place.

“Where I put the milk?” I questioned to myself only to see it in my hand.

I began to take my neighbor’s opinion into consideration. Maybe I did smoke just a tad bit much. I’m just so used to the feeling of being high, that it felt weird without it. I was really losing my shit though.

Once I started to pour the ,milk, I noticed that the shit was fucking expired. I was gone beat his ass.

**

Taking a trip that I didn’t wanna take to the store, I went straight towards the dairy products before I seen a familiar face.

It was her. There she stood, struggling to grab the baby formula at the top of the shelf. As I walked closer, I started to notice that she had gotten skinnier than the last time I had seen her when she was thicker than a snicker. She still looked good though.

Being the gentleman that I am, I grabbed the formula for her with no problem. Once she noticed me, she instantly smiled. “Hey! How you been?” I embraced her in a hug and I swear she smelt like vanilla. My favorite.

“I been aight. You?”

“Okay, just happy that I’m not pregnant anymore. It was the worst.” She sighed as I nodded, remembering all the times she used to wake up with morning sickness.

“What’d you name the baby?”

“Kaitlyn, she’s beautiful.” She smiled, handing me a small picture from her purse. The baby was a splitting image of her. Chinky eyes, chubby cheeks, and hairy like her punk ass daddy.

“I wish our relationship could’ve went differently.” She spoke, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Honestly.. me too.” She stared at me for a minute before pushing her basket to the side and grabbing my hand.

“Come with me.” She said as she let go and started to lead me to her car, I’m guessing.

“What’s wrong with you? I see it in your eyes, you’re not okay.” She questioned, as I sighed before leaning back in my seat. Was it that noticeable?

“Everything bruh. Shit just been fucked up lately.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“I’m not with Robyn anymore cause I cheated, she caused a fucking scene at one of my showcases so I lost hella clients, my painting ain’t the same no more, and for the first time.. I feel like doing all these drugs so heavily is breaking me.” I explained as she looked at me with a frown.

“Come here.” She said, embracing me into a tight hug that I’ve honestly been needing for the past few days.

I been tryna pretend like I was good, but deep down.. I wasn’t.

“You’re gonna be okay, Jaylen.” I rolled my eyes at the same exact statement that I’ve been hearing all my life.

“No I ain’t. I keep telling myself that, but ain’t shit changed. Ever since I lost my mom, I lost myself. I didn’t wanna admit that shit, but I did. I wasn’t doing drugs like I am now, I wasn’t doing half the dumb shit I be doing. I was straight. It’s like ion even know what the fuck I’m here for.” I looked over at her as she stared at me with a sad expression on her face.

“Look, just sit back and relax. I’m taking you some where.” She assured me as I did just as she asked. I hoped she was taking me to get some fucking food because I was starving.

The car ride was silent except for the times she sung along to the songs that played softly through her speakers. After driving around for a good 15 minutes, she stopped in front of a average sized building.

I sat up in my seat, looking for the name of this place. After looking around for a few seconds, my eyes landed on the four words that were placed at the top of it.

Therapy and Rehabilitation Center.

I looked at kayla like she lost her mind. Did she think I was a psycho? This is why I didn’t tell people shit. “I’m not crazy, Kayla. You better be picking somebody up from here or sum, cause I know we ain’t here for me.” I put my seatbelt back on.

“What? Who said you were, Jaylen? You’re not a psycho. I’m bringing you here because I’m trying to get you the help that you need. Trust me on this.”

“This shit ain’t gone help.”

“You won’t know until you try. I promise the minute you go in, you’re gonna thank me later. At least try, Jaylen.” I let her words sink in, stroking my goatee.

“Look.. I know you’re hurting. After I lost my baby girl, I didn’t wanna talk to anyone and I didn’t want any help. Kai doesn’t know this but, I used to harm myself doing everything in the book. I’ve even tried killing myself, Jay. Coming to this place helped me in so many ways mentally and I know it will do the same for you. Just at least try.” She assured me, squeezing my hand that she had been holding the whole car ride.

I sighed before taking my seatbelt off and fixing up my clothes.

“You got this, Jaylen.“ Kayla said with a small smile on her face, I bent down and looked at her through the mirror that was rolled down.

“Thank you, girl. I put you through hell after putting you out and you still helpin’ a nigga out. That’s love.”

“All it’s ever been, Jay. I’m sorry for adding onto your stress. You want me to wait for you?”

“Nah, you did enough. Go home to ya baby girl. Congratulations.” she winked and told me to watch out before pulling out of the parking lot. I took a deep breath and watched her car until it disappeared before walking into the building.

I walked up to the desk and a chubby white lady smiled and asked me why I was here. Shit, I ain’t even want to say it. Shit couldn’t be real. “I-I’m” I paused and started to walk back out but a familiar face stopped me.

“I know you too well, Jaylen.” Kayla mumbled, spinning me around and bringing me back to the desk. “My friend, he wants to check himself in.” she looped her arm around mine so I couldn’t get out of her hold.

“It’s okay, hun. We’re one of the finest rehabilitation centers in town, you just have to let us help you.” I nodded and looked away.

“Will you let me help you?” she extended her hand and Kayla nudged me. I needed a fuckin’ shot, this friendly shit was already killing my vibe.

“Yeah.” I dapped her up with a smirk.

“Let’s start with your first and last name.”

“Jaylen Waters.” I mumbled.

“Birthdate.”

“May 5th. 1989.”

“What is it that you think you need to recover from?”

“Kayla.” I mumbled lowly and she held my face. “You’re already here. I’m not leaving until I’m sure you’re straight.”

“Breath smell like shit.” I mumbled and mushed her face.

“Only because I did that tongue trick you like.” she shot back lowly so only I could hear her. I laughed and turned back to the receptionist. She the only nigga that could actually flame me back. I loved that shit.

“I’m fucked up, Suzanne; I’m into hardcore drugs and they takin’ they toll. Getting in my thoughts.” she looked up at me.

I started to think about the time Robyn had just broken up with me, and shit had got so bad that I caused myself to end up in the hospital. I was pathetic.

*Flashback*

I called and called every single day for 5 months straight. Left voicemails, sent gifts, everything. Eventually, she had got her number changed and moved away and I was hurt. There was no other way that I could contact her. She blocked me from everything and Winter and O hate my ass.

Everything fell apart in a snap of a finger.

I hated to say it but I guess it was time for me to move on. I’ve tried everything and failed every single time. No matter what, Ima always be in love with Robyn. She was nothing but good to me and it sucks that I hurt her like that. I know the hate she got for me is hella strong.

I prayed for her happiness every single day. When she asked me was she not good enough, it broke my heart and I felt like a fucking asshole. This girl has been hurt so many times that she doesn’t even know her own worth. It’s fucked up that I’m part of who caused that.

I’m fucking stupid.

After popping a few pills, smoking a few blunts, and drinking a couple of shots, I was finally starting to feel the effects and my emotions were finally starting to fade away. That’s all I wanted. I was tired of feeling like shit, even though I deserved it. All this depressing shit was gone make a nigga cry.

I wasn’t tryna do allat right now.

I parked my car in a secluded area and turned my music all the way up so that I could block out all my surroundings. I started to feel as if I wasn’t even on earth.

I guess I had took too many drugs all at once because my eyes were getting lower and lower by the second. Eventually, I blacked out.

**

I opened my eyes only to see a bright white light. Once my vision wasn’t so blurred, I looked around and realized that I was in the hospital and Robyn was right by my side looking as beautiful as always. She was even glowing.

It sucked to know that she was happy without me, but I guess if she was happy then I had to be too.

“Why I’m in here?” I questioned as she looked up from her phone. She sat it down before punching me in the arm. Which fucking hurt by the way.

“Why would you do that, Jaylen?!” She looked at me with a look of disappointment on her face.

“Do what?”

“Jaylen you took hella xanax, smoked hella weed, and on top of that drank all that alcohol. Were you trying to kill your self? You knew what you were doing.”

“Nah but I wish I wouldn’t have woke up.” She stood up from her seat and sighed.

“Why would you say something like that?”

“Look, I barely give a fuck about myself. I can’t ever do shit right. I lost my mom because I was being so fucking hardheaded, and I lost you because I’m fucking stupid. All I do is fuck shit up. All I want is for you to be happy, even if you are without me. I could give two shits on if I die or not. Nobody else care so why should I?”

“I care Jaylen. Odell cares also, he’s just upset with you right now. I am as well, but I thought you were fucking dead. You need to lay off on the fucking pills and smoking all the time. I’m telling you, you’re gonna mess your life up.”

“That ain’t gone happen.”

*Flashback Over*

I felt like shit, because I sat there and watched her cry, and at the time, I didn’t even consider getting help no matter how many times she asked me to.

“The enemy only attacks those with good hearts. I know you’re trying sweetheart, we all do.”

“Trying don’t get me nowhere. We good?” I mumbled and she nodded, giving me some papers and telling me to sit down and wait.

Kayla sat next to me, scrolling on her phone. I looked over and saw her texting that nigga with a smile on her face. She brought her phone closer to her and held it against her chest. “Nosey much?”

“My bad.”

“Don’t pull that on me. Your ass is lonely because of your funky ass temper and foul ass words, this place will be good for you. Don’t come for me and my relationship.” Thought this nigga was locked up.

“Relationship? So what was that shit we had? I was out here being a rebound?”

“Obviously.” she laughed and leaned on my shoulder.

“Fuck away from me.” I smacked her upside her head with a magazine and she laughed lowly.

“Nah, I’m serious, Jaylen. I got love for you and I want you to get help. I loved and I still do love Kai, sharing two kids with that nigga opened up different dimensions of love for us. Despite how much of a bitch he could be.”

“I feel you.”

“Look, I was your rebound whether you were with Robyn or not, you had eyes on her the whole damn time. You act like you didn’t give two shits but I saw right through it.”

“I miss her.” I finally admitted out loud.

“I don’t know what happened but you gotta fix it if you claim you love her. Fix yourself first though, Robyn’s ditsy ass will always be floating around.”

“Watch ya fuckin’ mouth.” I pushed her.

“Jaylen Waters?” a doctor called out and I looked up.

“Wassup?”

“Mrs. Evans will see you now.” I stood up and gave Kayla a side hug.

“Thank you.”

“You got it. Don’t harden your heart, open that shit up.”

“Yeah aight. See you.” I followed the assistant into the doctor’s office and shook her hand.

“Dr. Melissa Evans.”

“Jaylen.” I shook her hand and sat down.

“You wanna tell me what’s been going on? It says here that you’re originally from Virginia, but you live in New York. What brings you to Tennessee?”

Because I wanted to fuckin’ meet Hannah Montana. The hell you think? I shrugged off my thoughts and began to tell her about Robyn and all the drugs and alcohol I consumed after our break up. It was normal for me to do the shit a couple of times here and there, but now I was just abusing the shit.

“Has infidelity always been a big issue in your past relationships?”

“What does that have to do with-”

“Due to the expression on your face and how much you’re holding back right now, I’d take that as a yes. Has anyone ever been disloyal to you?”

“Ty.”

I nodded and closed my eyes. “Which caused emotional distress to you. Adding on to the pain of losing your mother.”

“Slow the fuck down.”

“Mr. Waters, your abrasive behavior doesn’t phase me. I know that you’re not past the grieving stage but it’s my job to make you feel secure enough to conquer it. Now, the woman who wasn’t faithful, you loved her?”

“Yeah.”

“Always been faithful to her?”

“Yeah.”

“But not to the woman who you’ve been rambling on about? Robyn?” That fucked me up. I was stuck for a second.

“I love her… I just made a mistake.”

“Mistakes can be prevented. You’re the pilot of your own self-control. When the woman who wasn’t faithful to you leaned in so you two could engage in the kiss of death and possibly jeopardize your future with the woman who WAS faithful to you, you should’ve stood your ground acted on the love you claimed you had for her.”

This bitch.

“From what I understand. You still loved this Ty and you always wanted to show her that you could be the man she wanted but you failed. She still doesn’t want it. Although, Robyn who was fighting for it could never receive it in it’s full entirety. You were holding back in hopes that she could be Ty.”

“Nah, you got me fucked up. Ty fucked me over and shacked up with one of my closest niggas and had a baby for him. Robyn ain’t never did no foul shit like that.”

“Then why did she become the butt of your pent up agression? Why not just leave instead of cheating?”

“She’s been hurt enough, I ain’t wanna see her cry over me.”

“What do you think you ended up doing, Jaylen? Following her out here just so she could hear you spew the same lies that you’ve been telling her was a waste of a plane ticket.”

“I ain’t ever told her no lies. Fuck outta here.”

“You’ve mentioned that she’s also been cheated on in her past relationships. Not once have you told her all about how you wouldn’t hurt her and how you’re different?”

I sighed, running my hands over my face. This shit was gone be harder than I thought. Without my drugs, and getting my anger out, I couldn’t express myself the way I wanted to.

I closed my eyes and did something that I hadn’t did in a long time. Prayed.

I prayed in hopes that God would guide me in the right direction to be a better person for not only myself but also for Robyn. I prayed hoping that whenever I felt the need to give up, he’d only make me keep going. I prayed for my overall happiness and success.

“Amen.” I said lowly before opening my eyes only to see Dr. Evans writing on her notepad. Probably writing a bunch of bullshit about how crazy she thought I was.

This was gone be a long ass session.

“Mr. Waters, why can’t you seem to leave this Ty you speak of in the past? Why do you always fall for her traps?”

“Cause even though I know she ain’t good for me, she still good to me.”