#i just watched the show for the 7th time and for some reason it hit more than ever

[makedamnsvre]

too many thoughts in my head . its 1:30 am

[kaceythecrunch]

RANT. (sturntok.)

Yall. Im so mad. Sturntok pisses me the fuck off to the point it isn't even funny anymore. This might be messy, so bare with me.

Tara. Why the fuck is everyone pressed about Tara hanging out with the triplet, specifically matt and Chris. Yall are acting as if it was only two of them, like they're on a date. They were with fucking I don't know, 8 other people? Like why does Sturntok care who they hangout with? Did you not learn from elementary school to mind your bees wax, or business? You're probably 15. They're literally 5 years older than you. There is no way, in any universe they're gonna date you girl. ALSO TO SHIT ON TARA?? LIKE GIRL. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SHIT ON CUZ HOMEGIRL DONT CARE. SHE DONT CARE. SHE IS STRIVING AND LIVING LIFE LIKE YOU SHOULD GIRL. Live life and don't care. You'll probably have a positive outcome. No cuz y'all know how Chris owns the Saturn necklace thing? Its vivienne underwood. It's less than 20 bucks on Amazon. Also when was the last time y'all saw Chris wearing that necklace girl. Also there's a post from like months, or I think a year ago of Tara wearing the same necklace. These fucking tiktok girls are so annoying. Like we get it, everyone wants to be Tara. (she's my gf.)

Podcast. I saw a bunch of btiches shit on the podcast. Like cmon. THEY ARE PRODUCING AN HOUR LONG VIDEO FOR YALL EVERY WEEK. Mfs are burnt out, you're lucky that they even produce content for you ungreatful hoes. Like lwk, I'd rather have them remove Wednesday videos. I remember when they first started their podcast that they were really excited to start and stuff. I also remember, I believe it was their earlier vlogs. When they were still living in Boston and they haven't like went to LA yet, they were talking about turning their basement into a podcast room. Like cmon. This is something they've been wanting to do and you hoes just don't appreciate anything. Like have y'all's mama's not been pissed at y'all for not appreciating her food. Live life positive and not negative tf. But ofc, I respect their decision.

Intro. Yall just love to shit on everyone. Ruining the party. Sturntok reminds me of the kids-the class "clowns" who would be so shitty to the teacher for no reason and would ruin fun things for everyone. Like guys, I think we should all as a community bully Sturntok. It requires a bit more bullying, just to knock some sense into their heads. Anyways, back to what I was ranting about. I loved their new intro. its a new era. A new them. Change. Is. Fucking. hard. I understand that you love the teens from Boston running around making fools of themselves. Me too, I shall admit it. But in order to get sponsorships, to get the little paring things. (For example, them sponsoring Celsius, even becoming the youtooz thing.) Like they gotta act more professional.

Change. This tied in with the last few things. CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING. But how the fuck are you gonna live life, and enjoy life when your stuck on one thing forever. Change is needed for growth, and for learning. Like guys, THEYRE 20. I think that's something y'all forget. They aren't teenagers anymore. Its kinda like how when everyone went into middle school and started to not like kiddy things when you still liked kiddy things. When I was in middle school I still like to play with Legos, draw, watch anime. Until I hit 7th grade, aka everyone's downfall. I still enjoy some of those things today but I changed because people in middle school stopped like those things and its embarrassing (well for me at least) to show up in school with anime shirts cuz I'm getting older. Thats what they're feeling I guess. Again, theyre 20 now.

Crazy ass mfs. Crazy, as in them soft mf's on sturntok. Also what pisses me off more is that they're coming here on tumblr. Like no, I know your soft ass belongs on Wattpad bffr. I have a long rant about this one, so bare with me again. They are so so so so so SOOOOO sensitive about the "spicy edits." Sometimes the fucking video frame isn't even about something "spicy" aka- them being shirtless, video frame near their crotch. It was when there was a song about sex. How soft can you be. Most songs these days are about sex. Some songs y'all probably didn't know about was about sex. (cake by the ocean for example.) LIKE LETS ME FOR REAL. MOST SONGS ARE ABOUT SEX. Also with the tiktok audios being removed like cmon. Not everything is about sunshine and rainbows. I remember I commented on a Chris edit and I was like.

"I need this man in my life. He's so hot."

"you're fucking gross. He's a human being and do you know how grossed out he would be if he saw that you said this? (bullshitbullshit,morebullshitandstupidness.)"

Yeah, keeping fucking running your mouth. THIS TIKTOK HAS LIKE 4K VIEWS. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FOLLOWERS THE TRIPLETS HAVE? YEAH. THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY HAVE. THIS VIDEO HAS 1K COMMENTS. ARE THEY FUCKING HUNTING ME DOWN?? MY COMMENT HAS 3 LIKES. WHY WOULD THEY CARE TO FUCKING CHECK GIRL. ITS ALSO TELLING THE FUCKING PERSON WHO EDITED THIS THAT THIS EDIT WAS FIRE AND THAT THEY MADE THE EDIT HELLA GOOD. UR FUCKING LUCKY I KEPT MY ANGER TO MYSELF CUZ OH GIRL. I WOULD SUCKER PUNCH YOU. You know whats also funny? They're the same people who will be pissed with when they see matt or Chris with a female. Like girl. You're calling me fucking gross? Do you think how much more worse that is than my comment? You ruin friendships. OG sturniolo fans know that they've been friends with girls. If you genuinely care, yall would know that nick made most of matt and chris' friends. Meaning most of them were females. SO OBVIOUSLY THEYRE GONNA HAVE GIRL FRIENDS. I remember watching the Zach sang pod when nick was on and he explained that matt usually doesn't make the friends. Theres a joke where matt says "I'm gonna make a friend that wasn't originally nick's friends." smth like that. Anyways, off topic. Just because they are seen with a girl, doesn't mean they are fucking dating them. Like shut the fuck up. please. Respectfully shut the fuck because I'm a nice person. Also Chris gives off major virgin vibes lets bffr.

Madi. Yall hate so bad on Madi and its fucking grossing me out. Why do you have to ship her with matt and chris??? Literally to the point they can't even put her in photo dumps or videos. You just gotta ruin it for everyone, huh? shes fucking gorgeous, and she's so funny in videos. Plus, when she does talk shes hillarious. She literally reminds me of Matt. She doesn't fucking talk much because she is more of a listener.. Like guys bffr. How can you hate her when she barley spoke in videos. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up. Yall just jealous shes pretty.

Calling Nick fine. I also hate them mfs who are always running their mouth about girls calling Nick fine. Lets bffr. Y'all didn't think a gay guy is fine? I'm sure you've had a crush on one gay person before. And if you haven't trust me. You will. I had a crush on my gay friend in 8th grade. I feel like its a canon even in every girl's life. anyways, I hate when girls will be scared to call nick hot.

"Nick is so fine. But like as a cool guy friend way. Please don't attack me."

POOR GIRL BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA BE ATTACKED IF SHE CALLS A GAY MAN FINE. Sturntok leave her the fuck alone. He's hot as fucking and I will kill civilians if I'm not given more nick edits. He's so fine. Literally the hottest triplet.

If u made it here thanks. There was shit on my chest that I really needed to let out. What have we learned today?

Sturntok can suck my fucking dick.

Thanks goodbye.

Me to Sturntok :

[sociopathicartist]

Valentine’s day Headcanons. ♥︎♡︎

Classic sans, Fell, and Swap sans. ♡︎

Happy Valentine’s Day darlings !

A short Valentine's special HC list I’m doing during school, hope the day for you all goes well! <3

Classic Sans valentine Headcanons ! ♡︎♥︎♡︎

He’d do something sweet, of course.

If you started dating earlier that year, it wouldn't be too much. A safe play of flowers and chocolates, and maybe a cute date night. Something he’s seen in movies and knows usually doesn’t fail. (he may have also got help from his brother.)

If you’ve already been dating for a while, almost a year or longer, he’d do something more personal. He would get you the flowers he knows you like, if possible all in your favorite color. You don’t like flowers? Cool. He’ll make sure to get you something else you like.

I feel like he’s a gift basket typa guy. He’s been collecting little stuff here and there for you quite a bit before Valentine’s Day, and some other stuff he knows you need but haven’t taken the time to buy. Miscellaneous items like snacks you like, one or two of your favorite drinks, stuff he knows you’ll enjoy and use. Plus flowers or a stuffed animal of some kind.

He’s not too over the top, but would still show affection (obviously?) as he feels for you, so date night would be something personal instead. It could be a night stargazing with a picnic set up, (cliche, ik, but idc), and he’ll keep hitting you with the,

“oh, babe, you see that shooting star?”

“Sans… This is the 7th time this night.”

“whoops, it was your eyes.” Followed up with a cute, quick kiss.

He could also do something a bit more lazy, something more his speed. With the help of Papyrus’ search for good recipes, he’d make you both dinner. A cute rom-com movie while you both ate the dinner he made, cuddled up under blankets, and wrapped in each other’s embrace for the rest of the night. That would be perfect for him.

He’d also love to take you out to Grillby’s as a date choice. It’s a classic, something familiar that he loves and would take you to often without any rhyme or reason. He’d take you out, order some nice drinks unlike the ketchup he usually orders, and spend the time with you like all the other times he’s loved and enjoyed, but this time it’s just a bit more special.

The holiday overall wouldn’t be too over the top, just as he is, but he would still make it special. He doesn’t see too much point in the holiday since he does like to surprise you now and then with a relaxing night, but knows this holiday is special for humans so he tries for you.

Fell Sans ♡︎♥︎♡︎

(first HC round with this man…)

Dates all around would be romantic, doesn’t matter if you’ve dated for 2 weeks or 2 years. He’ll take you out to your favorite place (even if it’s really hard to get into) with a big bouquet and a teddy bear of some kind. what can he say? he likes the classic flowers and teddy bear combo, it’s an odd way of showing affection that he favors, he never got to experience that type of basic affection when he was underground in his rough environment.

I don’t feel like he’s a gift basket type of guy, more so just gifts here and there and the classic combo on Valentine’s Day. He just likes buying you stuff anytime he goes out and sees something that reminds him of you, you’re spoiled with enough gifts to not need an entire basket.

Red roses would probably be his first choice of flower. Unless you specifically request a different type of flower, he likes the basic things that he sees in movies that show the standard type of affection in gifts. Perfumes, jewelry, etc. He’s less like Classic Sans in the way that he prefers typical gifts rather than sentimental and personal ones. (not to say that he won't give sentimental gifts, cuz he will).

He’d probably like to end the night in a similar way to Classic, wrapped up with you on the couch and watching cute, ditzy movies that you oogled over until you both fell asleep.

“Sans.. You didn’t have to get me more roses.”

“what? i figured the first 2 bouquets i sent to yer house weren’t enough.”

Underswap Sans ♡︎♥︎♡︎

(i don’t like the fanon version of him, so I will stick to the canon version of him as much as i possibly can.)

This MAN.

Anything you’ve ever wanted on Valentine’s Day will be overtaken by the amount of stuff he does for you. You wake up and this man is already in your house somehow (he made a spare key with your house key a while back LMAO) just making breakfast for you.

“Dude… How did you get in here?”

“HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY. YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS OVER-EASY, RIGHT?”

Yeah. He’d be all over you. There are somehow flowers in every room of your house, neatly trimmed and already in vases full of water. Rose petals are leading down every hallway, which when you tried to explain that they were supposed to lead somewhere special, Usually the bedroom for freaky stuff, He frowned and stated that he didn’t plan on staying in one place the whole day. Shouldn’t everywhere you walk feel special?

Honestly, despite putting flowers everywhere in your house I feel like he’s not a flower guy. He’d probably focus on just spending the WHOLE day together. Going out for a walk, getting coffee somewhere, him making dinner for you later that night. He’s all about that quality time rather than a handful of gifts being shoved at you. He’d rather take you out and buy stuff during the day with you.

[hughessdemon]

MEETING JACK FOR THE FIRST TIME ? -

the first time you ever met Jack was in 8th grade while you’re like in 6th grade , you were friends with Luke since 5th grade but never really met any of this brothers till middle school.

you didn’t immediately develop a crush on him for a little while till you started to see yourself looking at him more especially in the hall ways 💀

you were always the quiet type not talkative , non social butterfly type what Luke would call you , never participated in anything in school, just barely even had friends at school, you just knew people .

so when you randomly had class with mix with kids from 6,7,8th grade you weren’t expecting Jack in there , you definitely sat all the way in the back .

Jack definitely noticed you for some reason cause you barely spoke to anyone in the class so he took his chance to talk to you when the teacher assigned partners

you definitely felt a little of anxiety because you’re used to working by yourself in projects and now Jack partnered up with you was just a no go with your little crush . you just awkwardly gave him a smile when he walked over to your chair .

“Need a partner ?” He asked you showing you his signature smile , avoiding his eyes removing your backpack from the empty seat next to you .

he intimated you a little bit , you’re sitting next to mf Luke’s brother , but you didn’t care because you’re waiting to escape the second the bell rang .

“aren’t you one of my brothers friends I seen you guys talk at the car park quite often ?” He looked at you from the assignment .

you gave small talk replying fast to his questions not wanting to look at his deep ocean eyes .

few months later , you have a assembled class to go and do your state tests when you notice Jack was in there as well with Alex , Trevor . you started to learn more about them after a while due to Luke random texts about them being annoying over hockey .

absolutely sitting in your assigned seat at the computers , you were ready to go back to your class after this not wanting to do any tests jack sitting across the room , both of your backs facing each. Mid test you guys get a stretch break .

Trevor came up to you to ask a question with Alex and Jack behind him “do you think Jack is cute ?” He smiled at you looking at jack looking at you shyly. You shrug your shoulder not saying really no neither yes , watching Jack blush you walk away to your seat . .

your relationship was awkward little bit in the beginning as he was starting high school

obviously you barely spoke to him even though you guys even tough you were friends you didn’t take him seriously till you noticed he would’ve talked any other girls as he walked past you at the places not noticing you .

you always thought he was a good kid until he started to seem to get a bigger ego now that he’s in high school, rude kinda fuckboy .

so you just randomly stopped speaking to him because you were not good at confronting people.

2 years later , you’re finally a freshman , you never spoke to Jack ever since 7th grade , you definitely grown up with your puberty hitting more during summer . Your breast definitely stole the spotlight as well your butt and curved . You knew to hide it from the eyes of vultures like the seniors .

Jack started to notice you in the hallways again more often as this year you really tried to make friends at school. trying not to make yourself too seen though . He was although busier now due to him playing hockey more and more often .

you noticed you and Luke always had classes together . You always avoided him , going back to your natural habit hiding back of the class , you notice one of class had both of the Hughes in there . They were talking as you sped walk to the back before they noticed you , gladly they didn’t till the teacher called you . “yn/yl !!” they both whipped their head looking at the back of the classroom spotting you . making a small smile you kept your eyes on the teacher embrassed .

Ever since that day , you always avoided them till one day when Luke decided to confront you ….. “ why don’t you talk to me anymore what’s with the weird behavior.” he looked down at you with a questioning look . you didn’t even wanna answer him but somehow you had an answer . “ maybe because I like being alone did you think that Luke? And probably I don’t barely know you outside of school. ” you just smiled back packing your stuff as it was lunch time . You see Jack looking at your across the room after looking at Luke’s reaction to your comment. “Well I wanted to invite to our party tonight come over .”

you debated to even go tonight, you looked through Luke’s Snapchat seeing how much fun the party looked, seems everyone from school was there . No surprise they’re the Hughes . you decide to go for a little bit not wanting to stay long you arrive at the house , knocking at the door . Jack was the one who opened the door , seriously wanting to turn your back and run off you didn’t “look what the cat dragged in.” he said smirking at you . You just smile slowing making your into the house . Not knowing where to go you look around standing in one spot . “Everyone is in the back outside.” as if Jack read your mind thanking him before you started walking , you felt a hand grabbed at you looking at Jack , “why did you stop speaking to me I thought you liked me ?” not knowing what to say you just blankly stared at him . He moves closer to you , there were many girls who wanted him , he’s in his fuckboy era is what was throughout your mind as he kept inching towards you . backing away from him you hitting a wall “oh great I’m fucked.” You thought to yourself you decided to give him a response in attempt from him blocking all your exits to escape . “Did I ever say I liked you because I never said that .” he looked taken aback from that response, looking at you he ended up kissing you with no warnings .

Ever since the kiss you haven’t spoken to anyone especially Luke or even looked at Jack in the hallway .

You were home doing nothing but just relaxing for once . No school work , no parents home , just you home alone again . you got a snap from Jack , not wanting to opening it , but being bored you opened it .

“ hey wyd ?” You were baffled what else would were you expecting from him . You just replied “nothing just home .” You kept texting him all night .

Night time falls , you both decided to mess around , a secret rendezvous . After school always messing with him but at school avoiding each other .

One day all he just stop texting you , not even wanting to ask him you just never texted him , you moved on accepting whatever happened was a mistake.

you were scared 16 years old , not knowing whether it was a game or he’d reveal your conversation and nudes to Luke . You were scared of him for that .

you noticed he had a new girl named Chelsea now , so I just was a game anyways I accepted that . Just glad he wasn’t the one taking my V card yet .

2019 came along , so did summer . You noticed Jack and Luke absent a lot at the ending even though you were told by Luke about Jack’s being NHL first pick for the draft , you were shocked he even made it that far big congrats ?

Chelsea was of course awkwardly looking at you , it’s like she knew something but you never cared as you pushed everyone away it was summer you were glad to leave .

You were watching the NHL draft , when Jack’s name was called, you intently watched at the screen thinks wow he looks good in a suit as he was taking off his jacket for the jersey . “I could’ve had all that .” You hit yourself knowing it’s just your hormones wanting him .

Ever since the draft you haven’t seen Luke or Jack till you enters Umich .

part 2 ? Or no

authors note : basically what happened was . *runs away *

[sweetchcolate]

I'm curious. What are your top 10 favorite shoujos of all time? (LN, Anime, Manga) Can you rank them from: I'll always love them and I'm very invested with them; to I like them, but I'm not very invested?

(why is it that the second someone asks me for anime recs or listing my fave series, I suddenly forget every series i ever read/watched lmao it is a curse)

Just as a reminder, these are series I either watched recently or remember at the top of my mind because of sheer popularity. Also, my bad in advance if it turns out some of these aren't shojo but shonen (reason I didn't include Skip&Loafer, for example).

With that out of the way, my top 10 fave shojos in order (that I would and have rewatched multiple times):

Revolutionary Girl Utena. A classic. It's got it all: the esthetics, the slightly surreal aspect of the world, the trope deconstruction, tackling rarely addressed issues (such as patriarchy, heteronormativity, the changes puberty brings to a teenage girl, etc.) as well as some... more sensitive ones (there's a reason there's so many trigger warning lists for RGU). Also, the music SLAPS.

SAFT (both anime and LN). Just look at my Sugar Apple Fairy Tale tag. I've liveblogged every episode of this show since I learned of its existence. I was looking forward to the previews. I fell into this head first and it was some of the best experience I had with a series! It was right up my alley: sunshine hardworking girl winning over the people around her thanks to her kindness and optimism + grumpy stoic traumatized man who becomes softer and grows thanks to her set in a semi-fantasy Europe-based world. I liked that both Anne and Shall had to deal with discrimination (Anne as a girl in a male-dominated industry, Shall as a fairy in a human-led society) and how the later LN volumes address those issues (instead of fairy slavery and sexism being just background lore). The show can be really pretty when it wants to, and the music is also very nice.

7th Time Loop (both anime and LN). Just like with SAFT, I'm obsessed. The anime is doing such a good job adapting the source material at a good pace, the quality is great, and the VAs are killing it. The LN also has very tight writing: the author has an eye for adding details that seem unassuming/offhanded at first, but end up being crucial. Rishe's and Arnold's characters and dynamic are phenomenal. Just look at my 7th time loop tag

Akatsuki no Yona (the anime/early corresponding manga arcs).

My Love Story with Yamada-kun at LVL 999.

Ouran High School Host Club (the anime). I'm a sucker for romance, but where OHSHC got me is with its humor. The first episode is a classic, and I will always love the light bulbs scene as each member of the host club figures out Haruhi is a girl. Tamaki is a riot, the perfect blend of goofy, perceptive, and introspective. He deals with some serious issues, but he never lets them drag him down or, at the very least, affect his precious ones. What's great about OHSHC too is the character growth in the second half of the show. The series lures you in thinking it's just a comedic slice of life high school romance only to hit you with some real feels when it reveals its characters' backstories, fears, and reflections.

My Happy Marriage.

Kimi ni Todoke.

Ones for a cute ride: Lovely Complex, Kamisama Hajimemashita, Akagami no Shirayukhime, Donten Ni Warau

Ones I've watched that were good, but lost interest in (mostly due to being too long or me catching up the latest release and not keeping up after): Skip Beat, Fruits Basket, Sailor Moon (the 1990s anime), Niehime

Ones I remember watching but won't ever watch again because I've outgrown the target demographic: Special A, Shugo Chara, Tokyo Mew Mew, Fushigi Yugi, Itazura Kiss

Ones I heard good praise for and want to check someday: Rose of Versailles, Basara, Colette Decides to Die

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

|2|The Sound of Rain - Pierre Gasly|

<word count - 3103>

Disappointment - You'll Get Used To It

I was stood in hospitality, talking to Will and Etta, Leone being nowhere in sight. I didn't want to ask about it, knowing that Etta would make fun of me for it. She did mention that she hadn't spoken to her last night, so I hope she was alright when she got back in her apartment. 

I pretended like I didn't stand outside of her door, replaying our entire interaction over in my head. 

But, something in me really wanted her to be here, I wanted her to see what I did for a living. Even if they made fun of me, it would be worth it if it gave me answers as to where she was. "Do you guys know if Leone is coming today?" I asked, trying to sound as cool and nonchalant as possible. "I'm guessing you hit it off last night?" Etta smirked, putting her hands on her hips.

"She was nice, I was just wondering since she said she might come," I explained, fumbling over my words slightly. "Oooh, seems like Pierre has a little crush on our Leo," Will teased, winking at me. One, I've only just met her. Two, I wouldn't call it a crush, just a rather fond liking after our first meeting. 

"I was just wondering, don't get yourselves too excited." I tried to play it off, but I don't think it worked on them. "Well, we'll let you go and get ready for the race, or whatever it is you do," Etta started, "And we'll send Leone your way if we see her!" she exclaimed, dragging Will off towards their seats. 

I don't know why I felt disheartened that she wasn't here, she didn't say she was coming and she didn't have to. I guess I just wanted to see her. 

I didn't have to go to the garages for a little while, so I decided to prepare myself for the race ahead. 

--

The next morning, I woke up and started getting ready for the GP. It was still very hot outside, so I opted for a pair of denim shorts and a nice flowy blouse. For some reason, I was really nervous to go see Pierre again and watch him race. I don't know whether it was seeing him or watching him do one of the most dangerous sports on the planet.

I knew Etta and Will were already there, so I texted them while I was in the taxi.

Etts ❤ last seen: 2 hours ago

You: Hey Etts. I'm on my way now, where abouts will you be?

Etts ❤ : Hey babes! I'll come and meet you at the entrance? Boy do I have some stuff to tell you!

You: Like what? seen

You: Etta???? seen

You: Ettttttsssss. Tell meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! seen

You: I hate you :(

Etts ❤ : I love you too 💕😘

Unfortunately for me, Etta clearly wasn't budging. The taxi ride to Silverstone wasn't too bad, but it was nice to get some fresh air when I stepped out of the car. I showed the people at the doors my ticket and saw Etta stood by the ladies toilets. 

"So, what is it you wanted to tell me?" I asked, desperate for an answer. 

"A certain French snack was asking where you were," she chimed, nudging me in the ribs like she always did. I didn't say anything, I just looked at my feet and kept walking, "You two didn't do anything, did you? Oh tell me-"

"No! Etta, we did not do anything," I exclaimed, whacking her in the arm. After a lot of the same questions and me telling her the same information about fifty times, we arrived at our seats with Will. 

The drivers were currently doing what Will said was called, 'the formation lap' to warm up their tyres. All of them got positioned in their grid spots, and the tension could be cut with a knife.  The start would determine the way the race ended, obviously. 

All of the red lights went out, and they were off. Will pointed out Pierre's car every time he shot past, but I wasn't able to see him. My heart leapt into my mouth every time someone rounded a corner, terrified they were going to crash, which they obviously didn't. 

Thankfully, Will was telling me what was going on throughout the race, but I still didn't really understand. I enjoyed watching, though. 

In the end, Pierre finished in 7th place, which was really good. Will and Etta told me that we were allowed to go and see Pierre, which made me excited and nervous all at the same time. I wanted to congratulate him on his great placing.

I was dragged through crowds and crowds of fans, some looking disappointed with the outcome of the race, others looking ecstatic. Some donned the striking scarlet of Ferrari, others wearing driver's numbers in support. I even spotted some fellow Gasly fans with the number 10 on their tops and hats. 

Eventually, I saw a very sweaty looking Pierre leant against a wall with his arms crossed, talking with one of his engineers. He looked absolutely great. It was just like the first photo that Etta had shown me. His suit was rolled down to his waist and his fireproofs clung to his arms and chest. His hair was also extremely ruffled and his face was slightly reddened. 

He looked up and spotted us three walking towards him, a huge smile forming on his face. He pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning on and made his way over to us. "Hey, Leone. Glad you could make it," Pierre said, stopping in front of us.

--

I was tired, very tired, after that race. I was quite happy with my position as well, which is always a good thing. I was talking to Masamitsu about how the car was running and small things that could be done just to push it up to maybe a P5 finish, when I saw Will and Etta walking towards me. 

From where I was, I didn't spot that Leone was behind them until she walked around the front of them. A massive grin crawled across my lips, absolutely elated to see her. She looked stunning, as well. I couldn't see her green eyes due to her sunglasses, but her lips were also smiling and her chocolate hair bounced behind her as she walked. 

"Hey, Leone. Glad you could make it," I said, approaching them and standing in front of them. I was trying to contain the joy I felt for her presence. "I'm glad I could be here! Congratulations, you did great," she said wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into an embrace.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, hugging her back and inhaling the scent of her shampoo. I didn't have a clue what the smell actually was, but it was comforting. "I didn't have a clue what was happening, but it was brilliant," she whispered in my ear, making me laugh. 

When we came out of the hug, Etta and Will were nowhere to be seen. "Guys, do you-" she started to ask, turning to face her friends, only to find that they weren't there. "Oh shit," she muttered, clearly flustered with the lack of people around us. 

"Do you want to go and get a drink?" I asked, hoping to break the ice a bit. 

"Yeah, sure," she nodded, following me into hospitality. I had gotten her a lemonade and myself a coke to try and get my energy up. We were sat there, in silence, when she suddenly blurted out, "Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight, to celebrate?" 

She didn't look at me, she just looked at the table and picked at her fingernails. "Yeah, that sounds nice," I confirmed, smiling at her, "Are we inviting Etta and Will as well?" I teased, knowing that she meant just us.

"Uh, yeah, sure. If you want-" 

"Leone, I'm messing with you. Just us," I laughed, watching as she blushed and giggled. She didn't have to say anything else, I could tell she was relieved that I was joking. "Do you want me to pick you up from yours or do you want to meet somewhere?" I asked.

"It would probably be easier for you to pick me up, because the place we're going to is quite hard to find based off of postcode and directions," she explained.

"Alright, I'll pick you up at six thirty?" 

"That sounds good. Don't over dress or anything, it's quite a casual place," she told me, finishing her lemonade and standing from her chair. "I'm going to find Etta and Will so I can say goodbye, I need time to get ready,"

"You'll look great no matter what, Leo," I flirted, loving watching her blush and smile. 

"Thank you," she giggled like a schoolgirl, waving me goodbye as she walked away. 

--

I found Will and Etta, waiting for me at the exit. "You ready to go?" Etta asked me, looking at my pinkened cheeks. "Yes, I need to get back,"

"Any reason why?" Will toyed.

"I'm going out for dinner with Pierre tonight," I rushed, hoping they wouldn't tease me for it. I started walking towards the door to try and encourage some haste in them.

"Oh are you now?" Etta joked, raising her eyebrows. 

"Yes, and I need to get ready, so can we go?" I pushed, not wanting their jokes right now. They both just laughed at my impatience and drove me back to my apartment. Etta insisted that she stayed with me and helped me pick my outfit, and there was no way of talking her out of it. 

In the end, I let her curl my hair and do my makeup, but I made sure it was minimal. I also let her pick my outfit, which was way too much at first. It was one of my old skin-tight, short dresses that I wore back in the day when we went clubbing.

I told her no, and she settled for a flowy, knee length green dress that I like a lot more. She was acting like my mum, making sure I looked perfect as soon as Pierre knocked on the door of my apartment. 

I opened the door to see him stood there, in a nice pair of jeans and a shirt, with a light jacket over the top. "I'm a bit early sorry," he said as I let him step inside the apartment. 

"No, it's alright. You ready to go?" I asked. 

"Yeah, whenever you are," he said, spotting Etta in the corner. 

"You treat her well, Gasly!" she shrieked, wrapping her cardigan around her shoulders. 

"I will, don't worry," he joked back. 

"Goodbye, Mum," I groaned, pushing Pierre out of the door and into the corridor. "Where are you parked?" I asked, walking along the long hallway to the stairs.

"Just out the front. You look incredible, by the way," he complimented, looking at me. His ability to make me blush so easily was scary.

We had arrived at Fredrickson's Pizza at around half past six since Pierre had picked me up early. This was the first restaurant I had ever come to when I first came to England and I was eighteen and broke. It was really nice food and the price was great.

I had never brought anyone here, not even Etta because I didn't think she'd like it. It was a very small place and the decorations were old and tacky, but it was great to me. 

As you could probably tell by the name, it wasn't owned by an Italian family. It was owned by a guy called Jim, who was the first person I had ever talked to when I arrived in England. I came to the restaurant pretty much every week just to see him. 

As I stepped foot in the place that had given me comfort so many times, I became nervous that Pierre wouldn't like it. Maybe he would find it cheap and dingy and think I was like that. 

But, my fears were quickly washed away when he looked around and sat down at our table. "This place is so cool!" He exclaimed, picking up the menu and scanning it quickly. 

"You think?"

"Yeah, it's great in here. Do you bring Etta sometimes?"

"No, I don't. It's not really her kind of place. You are actually the first person I've brought here," I confessed. "I'm honoured," he said, picking his menu up and selecting what he wanted. 

We had been eating dinner and just talking about life and the rest, when Pierre asked me if I wanted to go to the GP next week. "If you're free next Sunday, I'd love for you to come to the 70th anniversary GP. I can get you VIP seats if you are,"

"I would love to go, but on one condition," I instructed, placing my knife and fork down on the sides of my plate. "And what would that be," he responded, adopting the suave businessman role very well. "I would like to request your telephone number,"

"I think that could be arranged," he said, trying not to crack and break the façade, "I would also like to know where that confidence came from," he laughed.

"I don't know, I would just like the details for my VIP Silverstone package," I said, trying to give him the hint that I wanted to see him again and talk to him. "Of course, how could I forget,"

--

I had met Pierre earlier in hospitality, and we were sat relaxing before the race. I spotted some reporters around, taking pictures, pointing at us and talking. I didn't really mind, shrugging it off as people just gossiping.

--

The race didn't really go as planned. I started in P7 and ended up in P11. All of my frustration and disappointment disappeared when I saw a smiling Leo break through the crowd and throw her arms around my neck. Again, I inhaled the sweet smell of her shampoo and felt instantly comforted. "You did so good!" she exclaimed, leaving her arms around my neck for a minute before pulling them away.

"Not as good as I would've wanted, but it's better now you're here," I explained, letting my arm rest across her shoulders as we walked. "How about we do a celebratory breakfast tomorrow? I can't do dinner tonight and I'm going home tomorrow night, so I have time for breakfast,"

"Where do you want to go?" she asked, looping her arm around my back.

"It is a surprise. I'll pick you up at eight and we can head to a tea room that is one of my favourites," I smirked, watching her pout as she looked up at me. The way her nose scrunched up as she scowled was honestly the cutest thing I have ever seen. "Can you not tell me?" she begged, pushing herself further into my side.

"No, it's a surprise," I enforced as she playfully hit me in the chest. Leo groaned, causing me to just laugh at her impatience. 

--

I was sat across from Pierre at the most beautiful little tea room in the world, tucking into my pancakes with maple syrup and bacon. Apparently, the afternoon tea here was to die for, but we were too early to order it. Pierre said he'd bring me back to try it, which I really looked forward to.

"Sorry, excuse me? Can we get the bill, please?" Pierre flagged down one of the waitresses after we had finished our meals. He had had a typical English breakfast, with a traditional cup of tea. "Of course," she chirped, scurrying towards the till to count up what we owed.

She batted her eyelashes at him flirtily. Well, that's what it looked like to me. When I saw her, I felt this uncomfortable tightness in my chest. Was this jealousy? I thought, before flicking it away. I wasn't jealous, I had no right to be. 

I turned to the back of my chair and fished through my bag for my purse. "What are you doing?" Pierre asked, resting his elbows on the table and placing his head on his hands. "Getting my purse. We're celebrating your brilliant result, so it's only fair that I buy you breakfast," I reasoned, sliding my card out of its holder. 

"Well, I'm not letting you. I invited you here, so that means I pay," Pierre countered, taking his card out of his wallet. "I invited you to dinner last night, but you still paid. Think of this as me repaying the favour,"

"Leo, we aren't doing that. If I want to treat you to breakfast, dinner or whatever, then I will," he said, cockily. "What if I want to treat you?" I asked, pouting at him.

"You are treating me by simply being here, ma chérie," Pierre complimented me, making the butterflies in my stomach come to life. He knew what he was doing, I could tell by the smirk on his face. "Now I have made you blush like a tomato, allow me to pay the bill."

I didn't even bother trying to protest, I just let him pay the bill. We made our way to the outside of the café and stood on the pavement. "I'm going to miss you when you're away," I said.

"I'll miss you too. I want you to call me every day, alright? Doesn't matter the time zone," he said, taking my hands in his. "Don't worry, I will."

"Even though I have only known you for a week or so, I really enjoy spending time with you," he said, moving his hands to my waist as I moved my arms to wrap around his neck. He slowly leaned in, our noses touching before our lips connected. It was soft, tender and made me feel absolutely incredible. 

"Come to Spa and Monza with me," he started. Before I could reply, he carried on, "We can spend a week in Belgium and a week in Italy, just the two of us. I get it, it's soon and you have your job to sort out-"

"I don't really have a real job, anyway," I said to him, letting our foreheads rest together.

"You're coming?"

"Évidemment," I smiled, kissing him again. I felt him smiling against my lips and I was so happy I could explode. I was going to get to spend two whole weeks in some of the most beautiful places in Europe, with one of the most beautiful men in the world. 

He wasn't just beautiful in his face, though. He had such a wonderful personality and a talent for making people smile. He was also one of the most charming people I had ever met and never failed to make me blush profusely or set a flame in my heart alight.   

A/N - As you can probably tell, I can't write slow burn and that is why this story is only 22 chapters long. I thought I'd treat you to an extra chapter as well :)

|masterlist|

[whovianwatchingstartrek]

A Whovian Watches Star Trek for the First Time: Part 059 - Captain T'Pol and the Quantum Parasites

Star Trek: Enterprise - Season 3 Episode 8 - Twilight

The episode cold opens with Archer waking up to find T'Pol has taken has taken his place as captain. Not only that, but enterprise is being chased by the Xindi weapon and two Xindi ships! Quite an exciting opener. Then: We see the weapon crack open a planet. Next thing we know, Archer's an old man on earth. And for some reason, living with T'Pol in a kind of couple-y situation. I wish the show would stop trying to make Archer x T'Pol work, they have absolutely no chemistry with eachother. Apparently Archer is missing 12 years worth of his memories. Most of the episode was through flashback, with T'Pol explain what happened. According to her, Archer was hit by an anomaly, and has been unable to form any new Long Term memories ever since.

This was a really interesting episode. Normally when a show does Amnesia, they do Retrograde amnesia, so it's nice to see an attempt to tackle Anterograde amnesia for a change. And the episode being from Archer's perspective while he's suffering from it was really interesting.

Also, is this the only time we get to see T'Pol in a normal Starfleet uniform? Because it really does suit her, better than the uniforms she's had so far, at least. While we're on the topic, we later see Trip in the Captain's uniform, and it suits him too. And Malcolm's beard.

Archer's reaction to hearing that Earth and most of Earth's colonies were destroyed is heartbreakingly well performed. It might be the best performance Scott Bakula has given for enterprise so far. However, it was at this point that I started figuring that things weren't exactly as they seemed, and that this was all in Archer's mind. Earth and humanity wouldn't be destroyed off-screen. I also started to notice other small details that were off. T'Pol wouldn't argue that The Vulcans held back Earth's warp program, that was always Archer and Trip's talking point. But, later in the episode I'm proven wrong. This episode actually happened, it's just undone because of the parasites infecting Archer's relationship with Space-Time. Eliminating them now, means they never existed, so curing Archer means that he would never have been infected in the first place

The cure of course is blasting the Parasites out of Archer's head with the Warp reactor. I don't think that's how medicine works, but who am I to argue with Phlox's methods.

I really liked this episode, it had some really good emotional beats, and even despite it's more emotional nature, still managed to squeeze in a couple good action scenes. Enterprise's last stand, with everyone fighting to the absolute end in the faintest hope that Phlox's theory about the parasites was correct was beautiful, and the calm at the end once everything was undone was just really nice.

Plus, a nice Time Travel twist. In a way, it kind of reminded me of the 10th Doctor episode, Turn Left, in that a parasite causes an aberrant timeline where everything just goes wrong. It's not quite as bleak as turn left, and this deals with future events instead of Past Events, but I still loved it.

Comparing my Enjoyment of this Episode with a Doctor Who Universe Story of the Same Title

Doctor Who - Big Finish Monthly Range #23 - Project: Twilight

Project: Twilight was the start of a mini arc that ran through Big Finish's 6th and 7th Doctor Radio Plays, often Called The Forge Arc.

The radio play opens with brilliant opening that makes little sense on the first listening, but when you come back to it, it makes a lot more sense. Specifically, the Project Twilight subject's escape from the Forge in World War One. The audio then jumps forward to the modern day. I like to keep the plot summary stuff short for the Same Title segment, so I'll skip over a lot of the details, but it's initially framed as a strange murder mystery about a spontaneously combusting body, but beautifully unravels into a century long Conspiracy involving a secret government organisation called The Forge, a Vampire-Super-Soldier program from World War One, and how The Doctor, his companion Evelyn, and a random civilian called Cassie end up wrapped up into it.

The story's individual villains of the Project Twilight Vampire vampires are fantastically written, and the story masterfully sets up Nimrod, the main villain of the Forge Arc as a whole.

Project: Twilight is a lot more gruesome than most Doctor Who stories, but it plays it's horror very tactfully and the fact that it's a radio play which leaves the visuals to the imagination really adds to that atmosphere.

Picking whether Enterprise's Twilight or Doctor Who's Project Twilight is better is a hard choice, they both scratch very different itches and fill their roles very well. I am leaning more towards Project: Twilight because I'm in that Halloween Horror mood at the moment, but Enterprise's Twilight was also a really good timey-wimey emotionally driven experience.

[thinehitmanagency]

More Silly Facts:

☆ Blaster would be absolutely awful with children. Of any age. He doesn’t pay attention to anything that doesn’t concern him. All that matters is the kid "doesn't touch anything that could give you rabies" and "don't start digging around like a nosy little rat."

☆ Unknwn is probably the gangliest motherfucker in the agency. He is not physically strong, even though he likes to pretend he is. He’s got book smarts and is a super good hacker, but he would get IMMEDIATELY cooked in a fight. But please let him believe he’s the best, most talented and strongest guy ever. His ego is frail.

☆ I don’t think he ever takes off his coat. He sleeps, works, travels, and eats in that coat. As a matter of fact, it’s barely ever been washed. Unless he spills something on the majority of it or it gets really dirty, he will always keep it on. Being away from it causes him great anxiety.

☆ Briar used to play "the can game" with his siblings. Basically, they would throw cans at the next door neighbors’ kids and if they hit their face, head, or neck, they would win. This was not very popular with any of their neighbors. Bellatrix usually always won, with Blythe being a close second.

☆ Dreadelle claims to see the dead! How crazy is that? Being a half alive doll corpse really suspends disbelief, though. Everyone just believes her when she tells them about an encounter she had with Straws or Rabecca, or whatever other ghost she’s seen.

☆ Zinc is a perfectly normal human man. There is truly nothing special about him. Of course, he still gets asked questions like, "Why do your joints creak when you move?" and "why does your voice sound so weird?" But you can rest assured that it is none of your goddamn business. He is just living his life as normally as he can, so please hold your questions and keep a safe distance.

☆ d011in7 does not sleep. He experiences something he calls "radio death," where he temporarily turns off technology within a reasonable radius and shuts down. The internet is inaccessible when this happens, and nothing will turn on. He claims it’s an "uncontrollable problem," but he’ll do it when he’s angry, irritated, lonely, or feeling ignored.

☆ You will notice & is always absent from the agency and from agency meetings. This is because she doesn’t care about any of them. Nonetheless, she still gets paid regularly. No one knows what she looks like or what her job is, aside from Silver and Unknwn.

☆ d011in7, The Prototype! The Original! Do not tell him his systems have been copied across millions of servers and used for other applications that are identical to him. Radio death might occur for good.

☆ Briar was very small and scraggly as a kid, being the shortest out of all his family members and classmates until about 7th grade. Then he hit 8th grade and he got fucked up. He came back over the summer and he was deadass 6’0’’ and he thought he was hot shit.

☆ DLL is constantly being fucked with by Unknwn. "Do u wanna have a hacking comp? :)" no he does fucking not. He wants to be left alone.

☆ Speaking of, DLL has hidden cameras around the agency. No one (other than d011in7) has found them yet, but he insists it’s not for any malicious purposes. He’s just watching. For spies. Like you do.

☆ Bonnibelle, the only mechanic before ▇▇▇▇ shows up, is constantly stealing shit from HQ. She steals from the higher ups, their funky mechanisms, their enhancements, their cogs and their wiring— everything. She claims she’s going to make a powerful super weapon for only the agency to use, without the control "of the big bosses in charge up there." The way she has described said weapon is… sinister.

☆ Cadmium does some funny little cannibalism sometimes. He’s just hungry. Lately he has been trying to curb these urges by biting down on metal with his sharp ass teeth, and fortunately it has worked for the time being. He stays in the attic above the agency, but who knows what he’s doing in there. It smells like copper up there.

☆ Mister G.L. is the local nurse and he is 100% always whacked out on sleeping pills. He has built up so much resistance to the sleep-inducing chemicals that all they do is keep him awake. Which is great! Because the agency medical office is constantly flooded with injured patients, and he could never leave someone hurt. Some say he has a "savior complex," but that is just complete and total nonsense! Him? A savior? Never! Just a brilliant, guiding light for those who need him!

[smalls25]

WTF is my life?

I want to record my success, so let me start this off by saying that I have no idea how Tumblr works and that this is not meant to be a vent or rant. Just a little introduction to myself Hi, my name is Smalls (not really, but for reasons of anonymity and privacy, that's what I go by). I am sixteen years old. I suffer from dyslexia, OCD, attention deficit disorder (ADD), a sensory processing disorder, and I am on the autism spectrum. For a significant part of my life, I struggled with mental health issues. I have been a victim of domestic, sexual, and emotional abuse. Phrases like "it's better to be wrong than to get hit by someone you love' 'were spoken to me as a very impressionable little girl. And it has taken me years to learn how wrong those words were. I was on psychiatric medication from the ages of eleven to fourteen. I was homeschooled up until 7th grade. I would sneak out, drink, do drugs, and get into fights while hanging out with a bad group of friends. During that time in my life, I watched one of the friends in that group overdose and take his last breath in front of me, and another one of these friends died later that month. My grades tanked that year, and the school I was at did not want me back. I was then put in a sped program at another school because of my terrible grades. At this point, I had no friends or anybody. I had isolated myself to the point of acting out, as everyone put it. I was then expelled. And then I started homeschooling once again, and I got my grade back up. I joined the civil air patrol shortly after getting expelled, and I can honestly say that I would probably not be alive if it were not for some of the cadet leaders I have met and grown to care about in my home squadron. They showed me I could get better. They could only show me they could not do it for me; the rest was up to me, and I am trying my hardest to make them proud, so now you have a synopsis of my life. What do I hope to succeed at in the future? I hope that I can finish high school early, get my private pilot's license, and get into an engineering program at a good university. Those are my goals, and I want to document every one of my milestones for them.

[kapps-locke]

okay i wanna add onto this like do yall think that like himeko would know? disclaimer once again i know nothing but i can just IMAGINE that by the time Welt gets somewhere around the bargaining stage, Himeko has whipped her head around to look at that shell of a man and

i think i should write this.

Welt has watched poor Caelus dodge a swing from March 7th for the third time before he thinks: “Maybe I should stop this.”

Himeko, it seems, had come to the same conclusion. “March, honey,” she raised her voice. “As much as we adore your dancing,” she continued after March tore an earbud out and looked at her, “I think that Caelus might become your next casualty.”

March frowns and looks around her, a… familiar tune barely audibly playing through the earbud in her hand. She jumps when she realizes just how close she’d gotten to the couch, and by proxy, Caelus. “Sorry! I just discovered this new artist, and literally, every single song so far is amazing!”

“I don’t mind almost getting hit—I think your dancing is cool.” Caelus stretches his arms out along the back. “I think the only reason you’d have to stop is if you accidentally knocked Dan Heng’s book out of his hands. Then I’d have to plan your funeral, and that’d just be a bummer.”

Dan Heng looks up at him sharply, narrowing his eyes.

“See what I mean?”

“I wouldn’t do anything.” Dan Heng frowns, but the way he side-eyes March as she starts bouncing in place again says that his beliefs could change.

“Well, y’all haven’t heard this bop, sooo.” She sticks her tongue out at them. “Check it!”

She unplugs her headphones, and Welt regrets waking up this morning. The song—his song, Chase Me Through the Stars—plays loudly from her phone, and March starts dancing along to it. Himeko snorts into her coffee, and Welt goes through the 5 Stages of Grief in record time. Sometime around the Bargaining stage, Himeko turns to look at him, dancing in her seat.

“—And then you’ll chase me through the stars!” March sings along to the chorus. “What’s up, Himeko?” She bounces along to the music, and—Aeons, even Dan Heng is bobbing his head along.

“That’s some old music. I used to listen to it.” Himeko chuckles as she sips her coffee. “You should look up the artist.” It’s childish, he’ll admit, but Welt kicks at her under the table. She kicks him back.

March salutes, going to her phone, and Caelus stands up to look over her shoulder. “Ooh! So it’s actually the soundtrack to a show from Earth—aren’t you from there? Uhm, let me—oh! ‘The director, who was also the lead animator and CEO’��wow, he did it all—‘also created the soundtrack for the series, producing and recording it himself. Welt Yang—’” March looks up at them, disbelief coloring her features. “Mr. Yang?! YOU SANG THIS?!”

Himeko laughs raucously, and Welt pinches the bridge of his nose. He’d already accepted his fate, but he could still valiantly try to dodge it. “No.”

“Don’t lie to us! We’re your familyyy!” She stretches out the word. Welt sighs and blinks at her. She might look smug, but it’s easier to look at her than Caelus’ shit-eating grin or Dan Heng’s disbelieving yet amused smirk. Himeko hasn’t stopped laughing, and Welt kicks at her again for good measure.

The lyrics start back up, and March nods. “Okay, now that I know it’s you, I can totally hear it.” Caelus starts obnoxiously singing along to the song, and March shoves at him playfully. “Together now!” She grabs Caelus’ arm and they start dancing. “Like a shooting star! We go so far!”

As embarrassed as he is that his musical past was now musical present, watching his, yes, family goof around, singing and dancing and head-bobbing to his music fills his heart with a joy he couldn’t describe. He thinks of his son on Earth. What Welt would give to bring them all together…

Later that night, when Welt sees everyone off to bed, March asks if he could sing for her. And, well, if he sings the final song from the album about tearful goodbyes and new beginnings, that’s for him to know and March to figure out later.

okay disclaimer i know nothing about honkai impact the 3rd but

whenever i think of idol Welt i think of him being a singer and THEN i think of March 7th jamming out to his music w/o knowing and then being like “have yall heard this bop??” then unplugs her headphones and then Welt goes through the five stages of grief in like 3 seconds

[swiftbell]

Just have some very personal stuff I felt I needed to write down and get out into the world, feel free to ignore.

tw: childhood trauma, tw: emotional neglect Actually coming to the realisation that both of my parents were emotionally neglectful to me as a kid feels... weird to say the least. Part of the reason being that they did provide me with everything I needed physically or monetarily, and it feels as if I need to be very grateful for that, but I just can't. I've been reading and watching some stuff on the internet (link, link, link) and one of them mentioned that you had a relatively good life, but you also feel resentment towards your parents. Which yeah. There were also just a lot of things that hit hard, like the one linked video where he goes through signs of childhood trauma and I recognise everything as things I've either struggled with a lot, or to some capacity am struggling with.

The sources I find talk about recognising yourself in some of the points, but I recognise myself in almost all of the points. And honestly it just fucking sucks. On one hand it feels validating for someone to point out and say "hey, what you're feeling isn't normal, and things can be better", but on the other hand I feel angry because it means that I could've had such a better life. My mental health could've been so much better, there are so many situations I could've handled better. I could have been younger than almost 30 before I started feeling like maybe I can get my life together.

And honestly I don't want to hear people talk about how "everybody struggles with this in some form" and "nobody had their life together by 30" because I don't care! I care about the fact that I have it bad and that I could've had it so much better! My feelings and experiences are valid.

And then there's the fact that I really don't think there'd be any difference if I told my parents about it. Both would be defensive, my dad would be angry that my worldview doesn't line up with his and that he thinks he's done good and given up a lot and that I should be more grateful (I have heard him say that he wouldn't change anything about the way he raised us). And I know my mum would be hurt and blame herself, because she's gone through much and given much, but then she'd put it on me to explain to her what she should do and just say that she doesn't understand - problem is that she won't because I've tried to explain things to her a dozen times and she still doesn't understand. It's either disappointed anger or woe is me I don't understand, and neither will want to go to therapy or actually fix it with the hard work it would take, and I just don't want to deal with that. It's not like either of them would actually hear what I want to say to them.

I talked about it a bit with my therapist, and I just remember that in my childhood (7th-8th grade or thereabout) we had a thing in school where we had a list of things we had to put prioritise, and I was the only one who put my friends before my family (excluding my sister, because she's always at the top). Which honestly just shows that I've known this for a long time, but thought I was probably exaggerating because it couldn't be that bad, and it's not like they were actually abusive y'know.

I feel as if I had some point I wanted to make when I started writing this, but I don't know what that point is. Maybe I just want someone to say that what they've done is in fact fucked up, and that I am valid in my feelings, and that people don't try to downplay it, or try to fix it, or try to get me to see their side. Believe me, I have seen too much of their side, and I understand it better than they do. Arrogance? Maybe. But I have 0 hope that they'll ever change.

I'm just not sure what to do now. I am gonna talk more to my therapist about this. I just needed to get this out into the world.

[eveblum]

When in 2020 you still recover from Zankyo no terror _(:3」∠)_

[thap1nkblog]

         ❝𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬❞              

                     𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲, a short story

   ❝our love was such a tangled mess, i’m suprised i’m still standing.❞

ㅤㅤㅤ𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝: april 7th, 2022

ㅤㅤㅤ𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3,751 words

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: [18+] this story contains mature language and mature themes. as well as  mentions and depictions of grief, trauma, depression, and substance abuse. 

                             𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠

    robb bank$ as TRAVIS GIBBON-WILLIAMS

    halle bailey as ELMIRA “TEDDI” BAILEY

“part one” 

                            𝐢, elmira

It was the summer of my approaching junior year when my sister died.

To be quite honest, sometimes it feels like we both died that day. It hit me like a truck, like someone pulled the wool from over my eyes. Just in the blink of an eye, the snap of my fingers, my sister was gone. My sister, Cassandra, was one of the smartest, kindest, carefree and most beautiful people I had ever got the chance to know. We were inseparable – wherever she went I went, and vice versa. Only two years apart, I was always looking to her for guidance and advice, simply because I wanted to be just like her. There're not enough words in the world to describe the bond we shared, and with her gone, I felt alone in the cold, hard world.

I most definitely lost a part of myself – I mean, we spent nearly our entire lives together, constantly staying in touch even when we decided to go to separate universities. I was now left by myself, left to pick up the pieces, and I took it hard. We were there for each other when we were freaking out about midterms, papers, there when we were having problems with our friends, there when we felt we just needed a little pick me up. So, after her death, I retreated into myself. I was no longer that outgoing, happy go-lucky girl. My smiles no longer lit up the room anymore – I had no reason to smile.

About seven months after that, I met him.

Valentine's Day to be exact.

It was at some local restaurant near campus, called Alberto's. Cassandra and I ate there all the time, but I hadn't dared to go back since her death. It didn't sit right with me – nor did it feel fair to her. I'd walk past the restaurant on my way to class everyday, but since then, I took a different route.

My friends stumbled upon the dumb idea of setting me up on a date, with someone from my economics class. After waiting over an hour for him to show up, walking in and out of the restaurant looking for him, and texting my friends to find out what was going on – I came to the realization that I had been stood up. I remember sitting at that table, watching all the couples hold hands affectionately across the table while they recounted how they met, and much they were in love, surprising each other with chocolates and flowers.

"Would you like a menu, miss?"

"Uh, sure."

"Could I get you started off with one of our cocktails? We have a Valentine's Day special."

There was a pitying, sad look in the waitress's eyes, and I couldn't bring myself to make complete eye contact with her while she took my drink order. I needed more time to look through the menu, since it had changed since the last time I was here, and I was so absorbed in deciding what to eat that I didn't even notice him slide into the red, leather seat across from me. Without even as much as a hello, when I looked up I found myself making direct eye contact with his slightly low, dark brown eyes.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"You're already sitting down."

"What's a girl like yourself sitting alone by yourself on Valentine's Day anyway?"

"I got stood up."

It had come out a bit more sharp and rougher than I expected, and his eyes widened, the whites of his eyes slightly red. The scent of weed and cologne wafted from his clothes, covering him in a thin veil of false sobriety.

"His loss."

I was covering part of my face with the menu, and when I dropped it down, he smiled at me, revealing a set of white teeth. The menu caught his eye, and with his tattooed hands, he slightly leaned forward and picked up the flimsy, plainly designed, plastic covered sheets of paper. His thick, dark eyebrows furrowed while his eyes danced across the pages, intently looking for something to decide on.

"I'm Travis."

"Elmira."

"You come here a lot?"

"I used to. The menu changed."

As if on cue, the waitress returned, her eyes wide as she approached the table. Placing my cranberry lemonade on the coaster before me, she pulled out her notepad, asking us if we were ready to order. Before I could say anything, Travis had taken it upon himself to order for the both of us – ordering a plate of nachos for appetizer, and for me a plate of hot honey glazed chicken sliders. I don't really remember what he ordered, but I have the feeling that it was something similar.

"I come here pretty often, so I hope you don't mind me ordering for you."

He licked his plump, pink bottom lip before taking a sip of his drink from the straw – ordering something tropical and fruity smelling. Pushing his shoulder length, dark locs off his shoulders and leaning forward towards me, I noticed the Cuban link, diamond chain he was wearing. It kept catching the light, the collection of stones seeming to twinkle and dance in unison. He smirked when he realized it caught my interest, and for a moment I saw a glint of something else in his eyes – I still don't know what it was, even now.

I honestly don't why I didn't run for the hills once he sat down at my table. I mean, I had no business being there anyway, but yet when Travis started talking, his deep, relaxed voice sent shivers down my spine and reeled me in. He wanted to get to know me. He asked me what I did, what I liked to do, and he seemed genuinely interested.

Something about him was very open and inviting, but at the same time very closed off. As cliché as it sounds, there was a very mysterious energy around him, and it made me want to know more. It was like playing with fire.

"I got it."

When the waitress brought around the check, Travis didn't hesitate to pay. I watched as he dug around in his pockets, and I expected for him to pull out his wallet. I know my eyes nearly popped out of my head when he pulled out a stack of hundreds, held together by a rubber band. He left two bills – one for our forty-five-dollar meal and another as a tip for the waitress. She was overjoyed when she came back, and quickly gave Travis back his change, clearing our table. As we left, Travis held the door open for me, and a cool, chilling breeze welcomed us outside.

"So, where are you going after this?"

"Probably back to my place, I have some reading I could catch up on."

"I don't really want the night to end, though. You want to do something else?"

He paused, staring down into my eyes intently, almost trying to gauge my reaction. It was forward, I had to my admit. I was suprised. Why? Maybe surprised that he was interested enough in me to continue our date - if I could even call what just happened a date.

"Sure, we can."

But yet, I remember feeling extremely comfortable in that moment, comfortable with him. I didn't even hesitate to say yes. I didn't really want the night to end either. I would do anything to not go back to my place, wrecking my brain over homework and thoughts about my sister.

Travis and I spent the next few hours walking around the New York City streets, talking about any and everything, and indulging in the Valentine's Day nightlife. We had went to go see fireworks at the park, he bought me a bouquet of flowers, and was generally an all around gentleman. I didn't care about being stood up, because what happened in it's place was way better.

Travis had even rode the bus with me all the way back to my apartment, and as we stood awkwardly outside, I felt compelled to invite him in. Hell, I blurted it out without even giving it a second thought.

"Travis?"

"Yeah?"

"Um..do you wanna come inside? My roommates aren't here, they're at the movies."

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened next.

I remember feeling like he swooped in like a knight in shining armor, eager to save the princess from this tall, intimidating tower in the sky. But fairytales aren't real, and nothing is really as it seems.

I didn't tell anybody about my relationship with Travis until probably about five months after we started dating. At first, it was just casual hookups, and then he told me he wanted more, that he wanted to show me more, that he wanted me. I was skeptical - I was scared of putting my heart on the line. It was already weak from the loss of my sister. I didn't know what I'd do if Travis ripped it to shreads.

But he was very convincing.

So I became his girlfriend.

Was that a mistake?

Probably, but I was still so depressed from my sister's passing. I wanted to feel something, anything – coupled with the fact that I felt like I was drowning, gasping for air because I was losing control of myself and everything around me. Travis dove in and pulled me out of the water – pulled me out of my despair and self-loathing.

He was so sweet, and kind, always wanting to take me out, wanting to buy me things, wanting to show his interest in me. He wasn't a man of many words – and by that, I mean he let his actions speak for themselves. I knew, or at least I thought I knew what to expect. He made me feel like we were the only two left in the world, with a sacred and beautiful bond that nobody else could understand but us two. Our romance was sensual, erotic, mesmerizing, in fact there isn't enough words to describe how at times he made me feel – both good and bad.

However, I should've known that when I brought him home for the first time, and the looks he received by my friends and parents – that I was making another mistake. I was in too deep now, too far from land, too wound up in my infatuation and desire and interest in him to turn back. At the time I thought that they were misjudging him, that they were only acting like that because he was covered in tattoos, that he didn't look "good", that they were just too uppity and snobby.

I didn't see anything wrong with Travis. He accepted me and my flaws.

A year in, I was beginning to see how he really was. A two-faced monster.

I was beginning to notice how little I really knew about Travis. I knew the basic stuff – full name, age, parents, birthplace – but I really didn't know him. I was realizing quirks and traits and mannerisms that didn't quite sit well with me, and that he was really only wanting me to know him to a certain extent. For one, Travis was possessive – he always wanted to know where I was, what I was doing, who I was around, who were they around. It almost border lined on outright paranoia – he wanted to be with me almost wherever I went. He was aggressive, often times like someone had flipped a switch in his head to maximum overdrive and that he couldn't be tamed. There were times where he shook me around or scared me to the point where I thought he'd hit me.

The man that I felt so comfortable with at that table vanished and appeared in phases.

It took me four months to notice that he was selling drugs out of our apartment. I won't say too much about that – but I have had a few close calls and have felt like someone was watching my every move whenever we went out. He hid it so well, I never knew what he was really into until some random man had showed up at our front door, demanding to see him.

Travis's two most unredeemable qualities were that he was a liar, and a cheater.

"What the fuck do you want me to say? Yes, Elmira, you caught me, I cheated. You're gonna leave?"

"At least say you're sorry."

I was constantly playing this game of cat and mouse with him. Travis knew how to weasel his way back into my life even when I didn't want him to. He knew just what to say, what to do, and how to do it. I was too blind and too in love with him to know better, I just thought that he wanted to fight for our relationship. I didn't want to lose my best friend, someone who brought me joy in my darkest times, someone who I could depend on, someone who I damn near could see my future with. And he knew it. He exploited it.

"She didn't mean anything to me."

"She came onto me."

"We were just talking."

He'd swear up and down to me that he was a changed man and that he was going to do better, and wanted to be better. I'd look into his eyes and melt right into the palm of his hand. Once again in his grasp, once again going out to dinner with him, once again ending up in his bed, and once again waking up next to him in the morning thinking that everything was going to be better from here on out.

"I promise you, I'll do better."

"Don't promise me things you know you won't keep."

I wanted to run. But where would I run to? I had spent so long running away from my other problems and placing my baggage on Travis that to be alone felt worse than staying with Travis. Being alone meant that I'd have to deal with everything I had been hiding from. He was a demon in human flesh, but the demons I had been pushing to the back of my head and keeping them at bay by being so invested in him scared me far worse than anything Travis could do or say to hurt me.

Travis was ruining me, and by staying with him I was sure that I was going to wither away into nothing.

But being nothing with somebody was far better than being nothing by myself.

I had made so many mistakes and ignored so many red flags, nothing that Travis did surprised me anymore.

We had a big argument one night – bigger than any of the other ones we've had. I found a pair of pink, crotchless panties on the couch that most definitely weren't mine. They were tucked into the couch behind the cushions. I remember being so mad, so fuming, so hurt and upset that I couldn't even think straight. I was seeing red, and as soon as Travis came through the door, high as a kite, just seeing him made me even more mad.

"So you thought it was okay to bring one of your random hoes over here? To where we live?"

Travis gave me a blank stare, his glassy, red eyes bouncing back and forth between me and the panties on the counter. I had proof of his cheating before - text messages between him and the girls he'd talk to. But never physical evidence. Until that day. I often wondered how I hadn't caught something from him yet.

"You make me so fucking sick! I know you stick your dick in anything that fucking talks to you, but I expected you to at least have some respect for where we live! But no, you can't even do that."

"Me saying I'm sorry isn't going to fix it."

"I can't believe I still stay with you even after you hurt me like this! You don't give a fuck about me, so why won't you just let me go, Travis? Matter fact, why don't you just leave? I wish you would've never walked into that fucking restaurant."

I remember throwing anything I could at him, and at one point, he had to physically restrain me.

Everything came up to the surface. I wasn't ashamed to admit that part of me hated Travis with every fiber of my being. Hated him for ruining me, hurting him for not letting me go, hating him for treating me any way he could and making up for it with material gifts. I hated myself for even staying with him for that long. I knew fully well he didn't give a shit about me, but I wanted him to so bad so I stayed. He left me longing for his respect and care, but even that was fake. I hated our relationship. I hated what my life had turned out to be. It felt like I had failed myself. My parents. My friends.

My sister.

After our argument, he disappeared, probably off to drown his feelings between another girl's legs. He didn't even say anything – he simply packed a bag, left a stack of money on the counter, and left, and I remember him slamming the door behind him.

I didn't see or hear from him for a month after that. When he came back I didn't even bombard him with questions – I didn't want to know what he did while he was away. My heart wouldn't be able to take it. So we simply picked up from where we left off, both of us erasing our argument and time apart out of our heads.

It was really late when he came back, and he looked really tired, so we went to bed. When I climbed in beside him, he draped his tattooed arm over me, pulling me in closer to him. His fingers searched for my hand, interlocking our fingers tightly. On his hand I noticed something new – the tattooed ink of my name, dancing up his ring finger. I felt him softly kiss my shoulder blade.

"I love you. I'm sorry I can't be the man you need me to be."

That next morning, after a late breakfast, I had gotten unreasonably nauseous and threw up everything I had eaten. That wasn't normal for me – so I instantly checked my period app on my phone. I was late. Extremely late. I hadn't even noticed that my period hasn't come in two, almost three months – I just figured that I was really stressed out. I had valid reasons to be stressed out – my boyfriend couldn't stop cheating on me, he just appeared out of thin air from who knows where, and in trying to deal with it I was getting behind in my classes and had to play catch up.

The first thing I did was rush out and buy a couple of boxes of pregnancy tests – there had to be another reason why my period hasn't come, there absolutely had to be, any reason was better than the fact that I might be pregnant. Anything. I didn't want to be pregnant. I wasn't in the right mind to get pregnant. I'd give anything to not be pregnant by him.

I took the first one.

Positive.

I took the second one.

Negative.

The third and fourth one.

Positive.

I was frozen. I instantly dumped them in the trash, pacing the apartment back and forth, trying to figure out my options. Every girl usually has an idea of what they would do if they found out they were faced with an unwanted pregnancy, but they really don't. At least I didn't. I didn't have anyone to consult – I couldn't tell my mom, that's for damn sure, I couldn't tell my sister because she was dead, and my friends were all to preoccupied with midterms. I couldn't even say the word. Just thinking about it made me sick. It wasn't like breaking a glass when you're a kid and just hiding it so nobody finds out – I was a grown woman.

A grown woman having unprotected sex with my boyfriend even when I knew he damn near stuck his dick in anything with a pretty face and vagina.

Then, the front door opened. I was in the bathroom, and I could hear the jingle of Travis's keys, and the clink sound that they made when he dropped them on the counter. He sighed deeply, and his heavy footsteps made their way towards the fridge, the airlock seal breaking when he pulled the door open. Then it fell really quiet. Eerily quiet.

Then I remembered.

I left one of the boxes on the counter.

"Teddi?"

His voice trembled, almost coming out in a breathless whimper. I had never heard him sound like that before. He hadn't called me that in so long – only when he was in trouble, or was feeling very affectionate – but the way he said it was so different. The meaning behind it was so different. The way it made me feel was different.

He said my name again, this time clearing his throat – a poor attempt in trying to shake the obvious fear in his voice – and I emerged from the bathroom, revealing myself to him. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, I was too scared, too scared of where this conversation was going to go, too scared of his reaction. His arms were down by his sides, his left hand clutching the box tightly, folding the flimsy box inwards. He said my name again, stepping towards me, but I stepped back.

My stomach was doing backflips, and I felt the urge to throw up again.

"Was it positive?"

I nodded.

I looked up into his face, and I almost thought I saw tears forming in his eyes, but if they were there they had vanished. His face was straight and stoic, and he almost seemed to be staring through me. Was he wondering what I was thinking? Because I was wondering what was running through his mind. He was very stiff, and dropped the box from his hand. He closed his eyes, taking a deep, deep breath, letting it out in one big exasperated exhale. He started pacing, rubbing his face, cursing under his breath. He paused to look at me, and this time he had tears in his eyes and on his cheeks.

"Travis?"

"Teddi, I'm so sorry."

He just kept repeating it over and over, dropping to his knees.

"I might be going to prison."

And in that moment - being pregnant didn't seem so bad.

“part two”

[arom-antix]

People I'd like to know better!

Thank you for tagging me, bestie!

Last song: You Dear, cover by Chesca Mac

Favourite colour: I don't really have one but I do adore a light indigo, B59BFF kinda colour. Though any colour can look great in the right context so I just vibe.

Currently watching: Not really anything but I've promiseda friend to start Jujutsu Kaisen some time after I've handed in my exam.

Last movie/TV show: I do not remember. Oppenheimer on the 7th of August I think? Does flow TV count because then it's probably the Midsomer Murders episode where they have that prize rabbit showcase that I watched like idk a fortnight ago.

Spicy/savoury/sweet: Savoury > sweet > spicy. You could kill me with paprika.

Relationship status: 4ever alone and I like it that way. Arom-antix is a shortened bastardisation of aromantic-disgr-ace combined with which was my old url for my main blog combined with antics.

Current obsession: Figure skating and YOI still going strong and probably will for a looong time. Been getting a bit back into mkeebs tho so that's fun.

Last thing you searched (no Google for me): "why does hitting your hand when it's cold hurt worse". It's because you're stiff, your skin is more sensitive, and your blood flow is restricted. Basically the reason getting hit with a hard object hurts worse than a soft one but the other way round. Kinda.

Tagging: @fishshit @how-does-this-site-work @lotrfan8ontumbler and anyone else who wants to. And if you don't, that's entirely okay, no pressure!

people i'd like to know better!

Thank you @astarionposting for the tag!

Last song: The Unknown by Sitting Duck, Mondo Loops

Favourite colour: Very dark, desaturated green. Run the value #213129 through a hex picker if you want to see exactly what I mean

Currently watching: Joseph Anderson's playthrough of the RE4 remake

Last movie/tv show: Season 2 of Invincible

Spicy/savoury/sweet: Savory = Spicy > Sweet

Relationship status: Boi aquired >:)

Current obsession: BG3 (I've been getting a little burned out on it, but streaming Honor Mode is helping to reignite that spark), Astarion, Gale Dekarios' fucking grey hairs

Last thing you googled: Melatonin drug interactions

Tagging: @arom-antix @bobarodent @liss-art @tony-dreams @lines-on-ice and whoever else wishes to participate! No pressure, you don't have to do this if you don't want to <3

[hops-hunny]

You Can Be the Boss

Pairing: Neville Longbottom x Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.2k

Request: N/A but it’s based off of this rambling here

Summary: Women are beautiful, but they sure don’t make ‘em like her.

Warnings: Weed, Alcohol, Mentions of sex.

A/N: I wrote this to cope with the copious amounts of work I had due but I finished it all so now we celebrate!

Hogwarts had many things but one thing it lacked severely was normality. Not that it was a problem, nobody who attended Hogwarts was normal but it didn’t stop a portion of muggle born students from feeling a bit homesick to things their muggle friends did at their own schools. That’s how the talent shows started. At first, the students tried to get it officiated by the school. Dumbledore thought it was a wonderful idea!....if it was professor supervised and when it turned out that Snape was the only professor with enough freetime on his hands, the idea of having it being school ran quickly flew out the window. But looking back on it now, many were happy they went with the idea of going behind the professors backs. It wasn’t like they weren’t aware, they just had no proof of it all happening. The atmosphere of the talent shows were different from ordinary talent shows, however.

For starters, anything went. Any talent you had you were encouraged to bring it no matter how big or small it was or if it was “school appropriate”. But the pro to this was also booze and bud, meaning that everyone had a good time no matter what. Although, as it would turn out there were many talented people at Hogwarts. So, for the past few months every Friday everyone would gather in the room of requirement, watching the many ups and downs of performances. Neville started frequenting there as often as he could. It was a win-win, his friends got free entertainment and he had a chance to make some money from selling to chumps with too much cash on their hands. What better way was there to spend the night? 

His hazel eyes snapped up at the feeling of his blunt being ripped out of his hand. He went to swear, glaring at whoever was stupid enough to do that but quickly stopped as he saw who it was. He watched with wide eyes as the tip of it went between her pretty (l/c) lips, exhaling smoke. (Y/n) (L/n). She was one of those girls you either knew or you didn’t but more than likely, you knew her. Before 5th year, no one so much as spared her a glance but after a very fortunate late puberty in their current year (7th) she was slowly becoming all anyone could talk about. It was truly amazing what a haircut and a bit of weight in your hips could do for your social life. He eyed her curiously as she looked down at him.

“You comin’ tonight?” she asked, exhaling another puff of smoke into his face. (Y/n) put the joint back in his hand, moving the heavy guitar case into her now free hand.

“Yeah. ‘Spose I am.” He mumbled, eyes trailing down the expanse of her plush thighs. They were on full display due to the skirt she wore that left nothing to the imagination. His eyes locked with her (e/c) ones as she hummed, nodding as she took the blunt back from him walking off. She flashed him a smile once more, winking as she turned the corner going merlin knows where.

“Oi! What does she think she’s doing? You really gonna let her take the blunt from you like that just because she’s fit?” Ron complained, glaring at the boy who was set with the rest of their group. Neville shrugged, turning his eyes back to his book as he turned the page.

“If you’re so bothered by it why don’t you go take it back yourself?” Neville sassed. They all looked at Ron waiting for a response, laughing as he had nothing to say but a small ‘piss off’ under his breath.

-----------------------------------------

Neville wasn’t one to put too much into his appearance. He’d usually just throw on a sweater vest over one of his uniform shirts and call it a day. However after the conversation he had had with (Y/n) earlier, he couldn’t help but wanna look nice. Was she flirting with him? He sighed as he glanced at his appearance in the mirror for a bit. ‘I doubt it.’ he thought. He shook the negative thoughts out of his head, packing his satchel with a few different strains. Just because some pretty girl was batting her pretty little eyes at him didn’t mean he was going to forget the reason he went to these things in the first place. The only other time Neville made this much money was Gryffindor common room parties and even then, it was only by a little.

But even as he was checking his appearance once again, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts drift. “Why am I wigging out? It’s not like we haven’t talked before.” He said out loud to himself. (Y/n) was a frequent buyer from him and even though he didn’t know her personally, she was one of the few people whose faces he remembered. At first, he was extremely annoyed by her. Who did she think she was showing up at his dorm at 3AM just to buy a bit of fucking jane? Every wednesday at the same time, she’d show up at his door (in a negligee that was far too short might he add) with that dopey look on her face asking to buy. And every single time without a doubt, he’d sell it to her. He had to admit, after a while he even started to enjoy the girl’s appearance. It gave him something to look forward to during his mundane school week.

“Ready to go, Nev? If we leave now, we can use a secret passage my brothers’ showed me.” Ron said, opening the door to Neville’s door. The lanky boy cleared his throat, giving the boy a nod as he wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. Without another word, they both began their way ready for the night to unfold.

As usual, the talent show didn’t disappoint...for all the wrong reasons. Even though the cringe worthy performances were top notch entertainment and he had already made quite a bit of money, he still couldn’t stop from searching the crowd for a certain head of (h/c) hair. Where was she? After the stunt she had pulled earlier, he was sure she would be here. She had some nerve doing that and then not showing up. However, as he turned his gaze back to the stage, he saw the woman of the hour herself. She was in an oversized crochet sweater dress and a pair of combat boots. His eyes looked up in wonder as she took the stage, sitting on a wooden stool that was placed from the last sad excuse of a performance.

“It’s a bloody shame that she’s so fucking hot. Poor thing is going to embarrass herself singing up there.” Ron said, taking a sip from the beer he had in his hand. Neville nodded in agreement, taking a hit from his blunt but not really paying mind to his friend. It was hard to do so when the girl of his dreams was on the stage a mere foot away from him. He was absolutely intoxicated by her (and the few shots he had taken a bit ago) but he had to agree it would suck when she-”

“You taste like the fourth of July

Malt liquor on your breath, my, my”

She sang into the microphone softly. Neville’s jaw dropped in awe at the sound of her voice which was nothing short of angelic. He wasn’t the only one who was stunned considering the whole crowd went silent, a stark contrast from the loud chatter and laughter from before. He watched as she strummed at the guitar in her hands, looking up from the ground into the crowd. Mesmerized wasn’t even the right word to describe the state he was in. 

“I love you but I don’t know why…”

His eyes were focused on her lips, taking in every word she said. Harry nudged him, mouthing the words ‘look up’ to him as a small pause had come into the song. Neville looked at him confused before trailing his eyes up, gasping when he saw that hers were locked on his own. She smiled and flashed him a wink before continuing her song, leaning in forward. His own body began to subconsciously drift forward to but at the last second she pulled away and continued to sing.

"Did you see that? She definitely wants me." Seamus boasted confidently. The others looked at him dumbfounded at the fact he could get even more idiotic than ever before.

"Don't be fucking dumb mate! She was clearly looking at me." Ron chimed in, causing another round of even more exasperated looks to be thrown the ginger's way. They truly were dumb and dumber.

"I-I think both of you are wrong. (Y/n) was looking at.." Harry trailed off as the girl stood up, dancing around the stage with her guitar as she continued to sing. Not a single pair of eyes weren't on her at the moment. Could you blame anyone? When a beautiful girl with the voice of a siren is on stage, you'd be a fool not to. However, dumb and dumbers’ argument ceased as she made very clear eye contact with their awkward friend.

“You can be the boss, daddy

You can be the boss”

“That’s all me boys.” Neville said, a triumphant smirk taking over his place as Dean leaned over to give him a fist bump. As much as (Y/n) had him wrapped around her finger, it appeared she was wrapped around his too. All the angry glares being sent his direction were only fuel to the pride he felt growing in his chest. Such a pretty girl, the same pretty girl who plagued all his wet dreams and shower thoughts, was not only on stage singing in front of him, but directly to him as well. She reached a hand forward, tips of her fingers lightly brushing against his flushed cheeks.

“I like you a lot, I like you a lot

Don’t let it stop”

“This is totally unfair. One of the hottest chicks in our year and she’s pining over Longbottom.” Seamus grumbled, grimacing as the liquor went down his throat hard. Dean rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“Jealous much?” he asked no one in particular, as that could be said about most of the guys they were sitting with.

“Bad to the bone, sick as a dog

You know that I like, like you a lot

Don’t let it stop”

Neville felt his own lips curl up into a smile at the sight of the one that belonged to the angel in front of him. However the cute moment didn’t last long cause once again, Ron chimed in with something else.

“Neville? Bad? He still sleeps in pajama sets!” he exclaimed quietly, earning a ‘shh!’ from Harry. The boy in question leaned forward, looking at his ginger friend.

“Is this really coming from the boy who needs Mummy’s howler to fall asleep at night?” that shut him right up. Harry snorted, high fiving him for bringing up the embarrassing piece of information. 

The girl continued to sing, eyes never leaving Neville’s for a second. Ron and Seamus’s petty comments had ceased as well. Even though they weren’t the one receiving attention, they could still admit the girl had pipes on her. When the song was over she stood up, bowing as the silence of the crowd quickly erupted in cheers and claps from the breathtaking performance. There were a few more people left but no one paid much mind to them. He found himself feeling bad for them. Even if they were good, none of them could top the performance of the night. 

As the night began to come to a close, (Y/n) found herself over to Neville again parking herself in his lap which he gladly accepted. She looked up at him, smiling shyly. It was almost comedic due to the words she had so sinfully sung to him only 45 minutes ago. Neville ignored the way his friends gawked at him. He’d deal with that another time.

“Come back to my room and split a spliff?” she asked, looking down as she picked at her fingers. He grabbed her hands, leaning in close to her.

“Only if I can eat your pussy afterwards.” he said confidently. He said it quiet enough to not draw attention but just loud enough that his friends would hear. (Y/n) felt her face grow warm as she nodded, hopping up from his lap as she dragged him off to her room.

Neville 1, blokes 0.

Extra:

“Seriously?! Is it really that easy? What does he have that I don’t?” Seamus said, mind running over the times he’d attempted saying things like that. The only place it had gotten him was on the ground after he had his balls kicked!

“It’s gotta be the weed. After all, who wouldn’t wanna sleep with the weed man? Free pot!” Ron exclaimed, trying to rationalize what had just happened.

“Aren’t you the residential booze man of Hogwarts? If that was the case, you’d have an easier time with women too.” Dean said, causing Harry to nod in agreement. Ron simply grumbled, slamming his empty bottle down as he walked off from the cackling group of blokes.

[dirt-cup-draco]

George x Reader- Firsts

hi hi, can you please do one with 7th year George where he’s dating a hufflepuff reader and they’re like 3 months into the relationship or something and she has never had any previous experiences....

You were avoiding George like he was a dungbomb and he knew it very well. He figured that if he’d given you some space you would’ve come around by dinner but you were still nowhere to be seen and George couldn’t help but think he’d scared you off for good. 

The night before you two had been cuddled up in your common room after everyone else had vanished for bed and he had promised that he wouldn’t get caught and he wouldn’t miss your date that weekend by getting detention from Filch. With a playful glare from you and a kiss on your cheek from him, you two had returned to reclining on the plush couch and talking idly about your days. 

When you had both grown a bit sleepy, George had meant to kiss you goodbye but neither of you had wanted to pull away. You’d been so warm in his lap and he could feel your every curve. He’d slipped a hand underneath your yellow jumper and then- you had pulled away, so harshly in fact that you had dropped to the floor with a squeak. 

After that you’d been red faced and unwilling to meet his eye. George had meant to apologize, for what he wasn’t exactly sure, had his hands been cold? Had he gone too far without realizing it? You’d told him with a faked yawn that you needed to be getting to bed and he needed to sneak back to his dorm without getting caught. He hadn’t had the chance to talk to you and it left him very uneasy now that he couldn’t find you. 

“Where’s your girl?” Katie nodded to the empty space beside George. Ever since the two of you had started going out, three months ago, you had eaten your dinner at the Gryffindor’s table and he ate lunch at yours while breakfast was reserved for your friends. Now, you were absent, but no one dared fill the gap in case you arrive.

“Uh- oh, yeah Y/N said she had extra classes tonight. I think she’ll be out soon, I’m gonna go meet up with her,” George chimed in, hoping his friends didn’t realize that he didn’t know where you were and that he hadn’t known all damn day. It seemed his bumbling answer had passed and George walked off, his plate still full. 

Walking the corridors, George wracked his brain for any indication of where you might be. He had tried your common room three times already and no one had seen you at all. You hadn’t showed up to breakfast, or you had once he had gone, and the same went for lunch. He felt as if he had done something wrong but he never thought you’d disappear because of that. If something was wrong, why hadn’t you come to talk to him? 

You two hadn’t yet had a bump in your relationship but the more hours passed, the more George viewed this as a bump. He was fighting helplessness, confusion and frustration. If you hadn’t asked him to leave so abruptly the night before he might think that you had just been busy all day, but even on your busiest days you had found time to see George for even a short while. Was he being selfish or needy? Of course you could do what you wanted with your day but you’d always been content to spend as much time with him as you could get and he felt the same. 

George’s stomach churned. Had your feelings changed? Maybe you were finding a way to tell him you didn’t want to be together. Maybe you were with someone else... No. George knew you and it didn’t matter how bad a relationship got, you would never cheat on him.

 He was lost deep in his thoughts, wondering what he could’ve possibly done, when he ran into someone. It took him a second to realize that he had even hit someone, let alone knocked them to the ground. It took three more seconds to realize that the girl on the ground was you. Your scarf was draped around your neck and your hair was messier than he had ever seen it but the howl of the wind against the school seemed to answer that question. Your nose was tipped with pink and you looked up at him with watery eyes. 

“Um, hi?” You finally squeaked when George dropped the the ground beside you, gathering you into a tight hug. Realizing he was squeezing a bit too hard he pulled back and found it difficult to look at you. His heart thumped against his chest with an unrelenting pace. 

“Been looking for you all day, love,” George explained, rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but you. “Thought something was wrong and been worried all day,” 

You watched your boyfriend and found he couldn’t sit still. It was a common trait people associated with the twins but you knew he fidgeted most when he was nervous and right now he was rubbing his neck and bouncing his leg and shifting his eyes around the corridor without settling on one thing. Guilt burned deep in your veins as you saw how uncertain you’d left him feeling. You’d been similarly caged in your worry but you hadn’t known how to speak to him about it. 

“Is it okay if we go to my room?” You asked, hand brushing against George’s cheeks and he brought his eyes to yours. You felt a butterfly take flight in your stomach and you couldn’t fight the small smile it brought on your lips. “I just wanna talk, nothin’ bad,” You promised as George tried to hide his worry behind a crooked smile. 

Smiling through his discomfort was something you found George did often and you didn’t want to be the reason he did it now. Grabbing his hand and squeezing, you led him to your dorm. Both of your hands were clammy and George kept rubbing at his neck but you felt calmed by the boy’s presence. 

George shut the door behind himself as you kicked off your shoes and climbed in your bed, legs criss cross as you leaned forward and patted the space in front of you on the duvet. 

“Promise I wont bite,” You joked and George followed suit by taking his shoes off and climbing in your bed. You stretched your hands out in front of you and George set his trembling hands on top once you gave him a pointed look to do so. 

“Why’ve you been avoiding me?” He asked, no longer being able to hold it in as he looked into your bright eyes. You still looked at him like he hung the moon in the sky, so where had you been? Maybe he was going nuts... Was he really that clingy? 

“I was....scared,” You admitted and he was glad to let go of a breath he’d been holding in all day. At least he knew you had been steering clear of him and he wasn’t just so irrevocably attached to you that even ten minutes apart seemed like too long. 

“Did I do something?” 

Your heart jerked as George’s voice cracked and you had to squeeze his hands, kissing his knuckles to reassure he was perfectly fine. It seemed to help his shoulders relax from their tensed up position by his ears but he was still shifting uncomfortably. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” You started slowly, chewing the inside of your cheek as you tried to explain all that had been happening in your head since the night before. “Y-you know that you’re my first boyfriend right?” 

George nodded, eyebrows sinking to the middle of his forehead as he appraised you with more confusion. What did that have to do with anything? Maybe he wasn’t enough and you wanted to see what other fish in the sea there were... 

“Well... First boyfriend, first kiss, first everything.” You explained with red stained cheeks. George’s eyes found yours and he suddenly had a hard time breathing. Right. You hadn’t done anything before. There was nothing wrong with that, of course, but George forgot that before him, you’d only been on a three dates before. It was astounding to him no one had tried to snatch you up sooner. 

“I would never make you do anything you didn’t want,” George felt like he had to clarify, blushing to the tips of his ears as he thought of being your first anything. Of course he wanted....that with you. You were the most beautiful girl he’d ever met and the more he grew to love you, the more stunning you grew in his eyes. He wasn’t ready yet, and it seemed you weren’t either, but eventually he would like to be the one to lay you down and show you how loved you were. 

“I know that,” You smiled gently, brushing more gentle kisses over the tops of his knuckles and George couldn’t breathe. Your smile had returned to your face now, full force, and the last of his anxieties vanished. 

“It’s just that last night, I thought maybe you had wanted more than kissing and I panicked and then you were gone and I spent all night worrying that I’d made you angry or that you’d realize you don’t want someone who wants to go so slow...” 

You paused, feeling small suddenly as you prepared to let George in more than you had in your entire relationship. 

“I guess I’ve never been comfortable with intimacy of any sort, physical or emotional. It takes a lot for me to trust someone and because of that I have a hard time speaking my mind and letting others in. Y-you’re someone I trust with all of me,” 

“Y/N, you don’t have to explain if you don’t want-” 

“I do, George,” You promised, shuffling closer so your knees touched. “I want you to know all of me, at least mentally,” 

George felt his chest swell with pride. You trusted him. Giving you an encouraging nod, George quieted down in the hopes you’d continue.

“I have a hard time trusting because of my family. My parents might still be together but there’s never been two people less suited for each other. They’re always fighting, always going on about something, and it makes me skeptical of love. Or at least, I was skeptical. Dates never appealed to me and the few I went on were just proof that I didn’t trust anyone enough to have me; mind, body, or spirit. On the other hand, it’s isolated me. Everyone is dating, or it feels like everyone is, and I’ve barely just had my first kiss,” 

George brushed his lips against your cheek then and you smiled, doing the same. 

“There are days that I worry all I can do is the wrong thing, like everyone sees me and thinks I’m odd or stupid or annoying. And then that makes me feel like no one wants me around and so I stay away from people and it just makes me feel like I’ll never be happy again, I know it sounds silly-” 

“No, no,” George vetoed, hand resting against your neck, thumb brushing against your jaw as his eyes bore into you. “I understand, okay? We all have days like that I think... Like you can’t get out of bed and the weight is so heavy on your chest it’s hard to breath and like you’re never going to know what it’s like to feel okay again... I get it,” 

You were stunned into silence for a moment at George’s honesty. He was quite right that everyone must have those days, but you never thought your beautiful, silly, funny Georgie would. He seemed so immune to it all but you were honored he was letting you see otherwise. 

“And Y/N, I want whatever I can have of you and I don’t care if it seems slow to others. I’ve got your heart and it’s all I need. If eventually you want to give me more then I’ll be... well, I’ll give you all of me back,” He flushed and you giggled at the embarrassment. “All I’m saying is I like us the way we are and if you want me to keep my hands to myself then I can wait for however long you want and need,” 

You couldn’t help the burn behind your eyelids as your emotions got the better of you. You knew not every man was like George Weasley and you prayed you’d never have to be with anyone that wasn’t him. Your heart had chosen him and you realized in the quiet of your bedroom that George was it for you. You tucked the thought away, knowing it was a bit too soon to tell him such a thing, but you hoped one day you could tell him that you wanted him until the end of your days. 

“D-did I say something wrong?” George panicked watching the tears build in your eyes, his hands cupping your cheeks affectionately as he tried to comfort you. What he didn’t expect, was you to burst into giggles before throwing your arms around his neck. 

“No, silly,” You sniffled against his necks, pressing a fleeting kiss to his pulse. “You said all the right things and now I feel terribly silly for worrying all day and worrying you by disappearing,” 

George let himself smile as he pulled you tighter against him, leaning back on your bed and dragging you with him so he could tangle your legs with his and cuddle. “Consider my worries gone, darling,” He soothed and you nodded against the junction of his shoulder and neck, letting his comforting scent fill up your senses. You were giddy to realize your pillow would smell like his shampoo. 

“Missed you,” You muttered quietly, somehow fearful even after your conversation you would come off as too much by telling him such a thing. George caught your quiet words and kissed the top of your head. 

“Missed you too,” He spoke honestly as he ran his fingers through your hair. “Just promise next time you’re worrying about us, you come to me and talk about it? You can take some time to think about it if you need, just let me know where your head is alright? I don’t want to lose you over a bit of silence we could both fix,” 

Extending your pinky out from between you two, you looked at George as he linked his finger with yours in promise, a cheeky grin on his face as he lowered your hand and kissed you with a gentle caress of his lips. 

Fighting a grin, you thought you might be looking forward to all of your many firsts so long as they were with George. 

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