#i just watched like way too many like. audition??? tapes????? and interviews and shit i might post some clips idk about tumblrs video limit

[gelarshiesprofruitboarder]

THEY FUCKING KILLED HIM

source!!

[shinsorokiri]

UA Idol | Chapter One

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 2,058

Warnings: Language, big anxiety

A/N: So here’s chapter one! This is the first My Hero fic I’ve ever written and published, so I hope everyone who reads it enjoys it! Now, there’s gonna be a lot of chapters. I’m not sure how many yet, but it will be updated every week, so every Saturday (where I live) is when I will upload! There will also be a tag list, so let me know if you would like to be on it. I have a lot of ideas for this, and I hope I’m able to translate them through writing. Anyways, please enjoy!

UA Idol Masterlist

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You anxiously picked at the number stickered onto your thigh. “Mina, I really don’t think I should be here, this is a lot,” you mumble, motioning your head to the camera crew in front of you setting up. “Oh shush, (Y/n/n). The only reason they’re interviewing us is because we’re cute and are friends and they’re hoping one of us will get through while the other doesn’t and there will be drama, and we both know that if that happens there will only be support. Although I think we’ll both get through. You especially.” You snort at her enthusiasm and shake your head. “Definitely not, but okay. Whatever you say.”

“Okay! Give us your name and where you two are from and if you have any specific reason you’re here.”

“Well, I’m Mina and I’m from Tokyo, and this is (Y/n) and she’s from (hometown). We’re actually roommates and best friends, not to brag, but I’m really here to support her! She’s amazing!”

“Literally shut up, Mina you’re better than me,” you mumble, rolling your eyes at your enthusiastic best friend. “I most definitely am not! Besides, this is a great fuck you to your ex. You know the one who told you that you would never be able to become a singer and shit on you every opportunity he got.”

“Yeah. Thank you for bringing him up.”

“Yes! Thank you for bringing him up! Could you talk about him a little more? If that’s okay?”

You stare at the producer and sigh. “Yeah. Sure, whatever. I had a boyfriend a while back who didn’t support me in my artsy ways. Since he was older, he would always make sure I knew that he thought it was a childish hobby, and that I should grow up and do something that I would actually be able to survive on. He kind of ruined my love for music, but after he broke up with me, I got it back since it was how I coped with it.”

“So, you’re here to get back at him? Show him what you’re made of?”

“Well, no... but that would be pretty dope, not gonna lie, he can go fuck himself,” you say, with a small smirk on your face. After a few more questions about your ex-boyfriend and yours and Mina’s crippling student debt, the producers wander off to someone else. “They are totally using your story for television,” Mina says, and you scoff. “They only use stories for people who they want the audience to vote for, I know how these shows work,” you say, glancing around and having your eyes land on the next poor soul the producers trapped. Looked like it was a very sleepy purple haired e-boy. Damn. He’d for sure make it through if this competition was based off of looks alone. How the hell were you supposed to compete with people who looked like that. “I don’t think I should be here, Mina,” you mumble, tearing your eyes away from him. Unbeknownst to you your gaze was replaced by his as his quick little interview ended. “What? (Y/n), stop with that! What were you just looking at that made you even think that?” Mina asks, frantically searching around. “Well the producers were-”

“Oh my god! Denki?! (Y/n), that’s one of the guys I was really good friends with when we were in high school, come on you have to meet him,” Mina cuts you off, literally dragging you over. “Mina?! Why didn’t you tell me you were gonna be here?! We have phones you know,” You watch the blonde with a black streak in his hair tackle your best friend in a hug with an unamused expression. You didn’t want to meet anyone. You were tired. The anxiety of this situation kept you up all night long. Then again, staying up all night was normal for you. At least you looked bomb though. You felt the burning sensation of someone staring at you, so naturally you turn your head in that direction. Your eyes were met with the back of the purple haired boys messy head, but no one was looking though, so you shrug it off. Probably someone just scoping out the competition or something. “Denki, this is-”

“Contestants number 14788 and 14789? Follow me please,” a producer cuts off Mina and you feel a wave of anxiety wash over you. You grip the neck of your guitar tighter than you had been gripping it before. It’s not performing that makes you nervous, it’s performing in front of the panel of world-renowned judges that makes you nervous. And try as you might you can’t hide it. “Oh, shit, sorry Denki, I’ll talk to you after, okay? See ya!”

“Break a leg, Mina,” Denki says as Mina links arms with you and pulls you along with her happy steps. “I’ll introduce him to you after we both make it, I wanna know more about his friend anyways, so he better not leave until I interrogate him,” she starts rambling and you laugh a bit. “Awww, does Mina have a crush on the purple haired boy? Pink and purple go well together, you know.”

“No, she doesn’t. She thinks that you would look great with him though.”

“No. Not happening.”

“Come on, (Y/n), you gotta put yourself out there! It’s been two whole years since he who shall not be named broke up with you, you can-”

“Mina. Drop it. Please.”

“…Okay. So, I’m going first. hopefully I come out with a golden ticket, but if I don’t don’t let that psych you out, okay? You got this you crazy talented bitch,” Mina says, trying to lighten the mood. She knows you don’t want to be in a relationship ever again after what happened with your ex, but she can’t help it. She loves playing matchmaker and she just wants you to be happy. Recently you’ve been a little sadder the usual, so she’s concerned. It was like she turned back time to when you two first moved into your apartment and you were dealing with school and your douche of an ex. She knows you find Denki’s friend attractive, he’s 100% your type and you two would look amazing as a couple. Not to mention that his friend just so happened to be staring at you at any moment you weren’t looking in his general direction. Not able to read her mind going 100 miles a minute, you just nod at her words as you come face to face with the most famous emcee there is. Hizashi Yamada. Better known as his stage name, Present Mic, PM for short. “HELLO!!! You two look amazing! You ready to become the next UA Idol or what?!” he says, way too enthusiastically. You always wondered just how loud he was in real life, and he rivals Mina. That’s saying something. “I’m totally ready!” she responds, and you laugh at PM’s face when he realizes she’s just as loud, if not louder, than him. “So, you’re both auditioning, right? Are you going together? Separate?”

“Separate, we’re just here to wait outside for moral support,” Mina responds, and he nods. “Awesome! Well, tell me your names! If you two get through to Hell Week there’s a good chance you’ll be televised, so I would like to just talk for a minute!” he says, and you both introduce yourselves again. “Amazing! I’m assuming you two are great friends, I mean you must be pretty important to each other to have it just be you two with no partners or family or anything coming. Reminds me of me and Aizawa!”

“Yeah, but we’re just best friends actually! And roommates, we moved here away from our families and we’re both single, so all we have is each other,” Mina says, pulling you into a quick little squeeze. Present Mic screams something about how adorable that was before wishing Mina luck and sending her in. Shockingly, you’re both quiet as you hear her audition begin, and unsurprisingly, she flawlessly hits all the notes in Lady Marmalade. Her voice isn’t only loud when she talks, after all. PM’s eyes go big as he points at the door, looking at you and mouthing “She’s really good!” You just grin and nod. This isn’t news to you. After hearing her blast Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey all the time and belting out their runs and matching their high notes for about three years, it’s not shocking to you how great she can sing this song. Eventually, her singing stops, and PM waits a minute or two before he begins talking again, not necessarily quiet, but quieter than before. “I did not expect that kind of soul to come out of that little body of hers!”

“Yeah, she can be unpredictable like that... now imagine living with her,” you mumble, half kidding and half serious, but he laughs at that. Loudly. Not even a moment later, Mina walks through the doors and violently shakes the ticket in her hand at you. “I DID IT! I DID IT, KICK ASS, TAKE NAMES, AND MAKE SURE YOU COME TO HELL WEEK WITH ME SO YOU’RE NOT ALONE AT THE APARTMENT FOR A WHOLE WEEK!”

“I won’t be alone; Nyx will be there she is great company.”

“(Y/n), she is a black cat.”

“She is our third roommate and you will treat her as such,” you point your finger at her before PM gives you the clear to go in the room. “Make sure to hit your mark! That’s the tape shaped like a T on the floor! Break a leg,” he says, giving you two thumbs up. You nervously make your way through the short hallway, eventually landing right smack in the middle of the room. You make sure to hit the mark, as PM instructed, and you need to tell yourself to calm down as you look at four of the most influential people in music. In front of you sat Shouta Aizawa, Keigo Takami, Nemuri Kayama, and Toshinori Yagi.

Better known as just Aizawa, a well-known singer-songwriter. He stays behind the scenes mostly, and the rumor is he’s written over 20,000 songs for himself as well as other artists. The majority of course go to other artists, as he isn’t a big fan of all the fame and things, but the few albums he’s put out have some of your favorite songs ever written. He’s genuinely someone you’ve been looking up to for years upon years.

Then there’s Keigo Takami, who is known as Hawks. He chose his stage name because he’s always admired the strength and freedom of hawks and he decided that he wanted to be the same way. And he is, he literally can do everything. Every song of his sounds different, varying from rock to country. A lot of people really support his country music considering he calls his fans his chickadees. People just think it fits. The genre he seems to gravitate toward the most is definitely more of a rock vibe, even having his own band. And yes, the band’s emblem is a pair of red wings.

Next to him is Nemuri Kayama, or Midnight. She’s a world-famous popstar, but she makes sure to include some soul sounding belts in every single one of her songs. She’s Mina’s literal idol, and the amount of times you’ve had to listen to Midnight’s songs? So many. So many times. Not that you were complaining, her voice is amazing. You just wished she didn’t sing about love and sex all the fucking time.

And finally, there’s Toshinori Yagi. People tend to shorten his name to Nori, but he’s the most famous judge here. Not only does he own the All Might Record Label, he has won 11 Grammys, his music is played everywhere all the time, and he manages some of the biggest stars today. Unlike his rival record company, Endeavor Records, it’s said that Toshinori is ridiculously nice as well as a little strange, but in comparison to Enji Todoroki? The nicest man to walk the planet. 100%. Not to mention he’s also a singer himself. His songs are instant smashes, and everyone loves his voice. Even if he isn’t mean, he’s so ridiculously powerful in the business.

To say you were intimidated was an understatement.

[mychemicalficrecs]

hey, u got any good lesbian fics? can be a genderswap or irl girls, but no Gerard/mikey pls

Hi Nonny, here's some femslash for you!

Femslash

Didn't Get To Heaven, But You Made It Close by gala_apples, Ray/Mikey, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. Ray's new to this thing, whatever it is. But she'll do it right for her girlfriend. Mikey deserves getting it right.

Ass-Kickin' Chick Music by ladyfoxxx, Frank/Gerard, 21k, Explicit. She's not someone's girlfriend. She's not anyone's anything. She's a fucking force. Gee doesn't know if she wants to be her or fuck her.

skipping school (what the bad kids do) by inkk, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Mature. L is for Lesbians. (In which class is skipped and a staff bathroom is occupied for questionable purposes.)

Rumors by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Mature. Frankie likes to mess with Gee during interviews and Gee hates it.

girls like girls by etselec, Mikey/Pete, 1k, General Audiences. A little Petekey genderbent ficlet based on the music video Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko

Cloud 9 by OwlHooots, Frank/Gerard, 3k, Mature. Gee realizes that she's been bit by the cheesiest love bug.

Alazarin by victoriachase (orphan_account), Frank/Gerard, 1k, Not Rated. i'm on holiday at the moment, and i was bored, and i really desperately wanted to write a girl!frerard fic and i wanted to write a fic where they met on a train, so this happened, i am sorry in advance

Freighthopping by CryptoHomoRocker, Bert/Gerard, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gee should probably be afraid of Bert, but she's too busy falling in love with her.

the world's not waiting by mirrorchord, Patrick/Gerard, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. Patrick jerks off, at some point.

the joy of rediscovering you by xofrnk, Jepha Howard/Mikey, 2k, Not Rated. She's just a beautiful, pale expanse of skin and ink and perfect. Sometimes Mikey just doesn't know what to do with her.

Alone Above A Raging Sea by something_safe, Bert/Gerard, 13k, Explicit. It's the Summer of Like and Gee Way and Roberta McCracken are still the demonic duo. Sometimes. When they've not fallen out. About nothing. Mikey fixes everything, like always.

Some Hearts Are Gallows (I'm Not Here For Hanging Around) by blindlyseeking (orphan_account), Frank/Gerard, 24k, Mature. My Chemical Romance. The name even had that vibe to it: we’re going to conquer the motherfucking universe. It was like The Beatles or Bikini Kill. It was a name that pinned you against a wall and said, “You better remember me.” And she is a part of it. Gina, Michelle, Rae, Maddy, and Frankie are just getting their new band off the ground. The girls are leaving Jersey for the first time on tour. But Frankie has been head over heels for Gina since day one and in a blur of autumn, Polaroids, house parties, whiskey sours, car rides, and cassette tapes 2002 becomes the year that change everything.

Cherry Bomb by my99centdreams, Courtney Love/Gerard, 2k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gina opens her eyes, the sudden silence in the room almost dizzying and catches sight of Courtney’s scandalized expression in the mirror. She laughs and cuts off the first piece – the tiny snip making something flip in her belly - glancing down to see it resting in the sink. She takes a deep breath; it’s cool, she’s got this. “Flip the fucking tape over, will you?”

Hand On Heart by dear_monday, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Explicit. Gee doesn't think it's at all fair of Frank to just waltz in one day with brand new candy-corn-colored ink splashed all over her fucking gorgeous guitarist hands, bouncing around like an overexcited puppy on crack and insisting on showing her new art to anyone who comes within a fifty foot radius of her. Gee hates her, she hates her, she hates her. And also wants to fuck her brains out, but mostly just hates her.

Make Me Tremble (Make Me Shake) by Mondegreen, Frank/Gerard, 3k, Explicit. It's like any other Friday night horror marathon in the basement, and then suddenly it's not. Or: the one where Frank and Gerard are high school lesbians, and then they make out.

Get to Kiss that Twisted Mouth by Nokomis, Lindsey/Gerard, 2k, Teen And Up Audiences. Lyn-Z doesn't even really realize that the lead singer of My Chemical Romance, dressed in a black suit and red tie, is a woman until halfway through their first opening set.

Raspberry Swirl by brooklinegirl, Frank/Gerard, 16k, Explicit. The time that the whole band woke up as girls was maybe the weirdest.

girls girls girls by Bexless, Frank/Gerard, 3k, Teen and Up Audiences, Explicit. “Would you still be into me if I were a guy?”.

Earth Girls Are Easy by Siobhan_Schuyler, Lindsey/Gerard, 1k, Mature. Her gaze travels around the room, over a hundred faces, and unerringly lands on Gee's, like some sort of inevitable tragedy. Something in her chest skips and squeezes, watching Gee smile, eyes on someone else, some other girl who'd rather talk about art than live it. Someone not worthy of Gee and her kind face and her expressive hands and the way she smokes too much and drinks too much and feels too much and cares about Lindsey much, much too little.

Soft by ladyfoxxx, Lindsey/Gerard, 4k, Explicit. Always-a-Girl!Gee and Lindsey - unapologetic girl on girl porn.

Songs About Hips and Hearts by sinuous_curve, Mikey/Pete, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. So, the point is, sometimes Mikey forgets she's a girl and it's really not that big a deal because even when someone they're touring with suddenly realizes that she is female with actual functioning female parts, nothing happens. Because she is also a girl with one older brother whose scary as shit in his own particularly odd way and three additional older brothers by proxy who have no compunctions about killing to defend her honor.

Three Times a Lady by corruptedkid, Gabe/Mikey, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gee is useless when it comes to girls. Mikey is not.

Pretty Rad by rage_for_love, Frank/Gerard, 3k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. In which Frankie and Gee venture into the world of motherhood, which turns out to be a pretty rad experience.

the noise that keeps me awake by ashers_kiss, Party Poison/Gerard, 5k, Mature. Lady!Party Poison/Lady!Gee, five times they fought, and one time they kissed and made up.

you say cut the stem, i say let's see the flower by userl4me, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. When Gee's school forces her to cut off her hair as part of the dress code, Gee sees no other choice. That is, until her girlfriend comes to the rescue with black hair dye and kissing.

No. 1 Party Anthem by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 4k, Explicit. Gee doesn't like parties. She does, however, like a certain punk with terrible hair who doesn't know how to turn down a dare.

Missing Period by revengera, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Mature. Gee groaned when a knock sounded at her door for the thousandth time that day. She stood up from her seat where she was quite happily signing slips of papers to get sick teenagers permission to leave school. Gee opened the door, being faced by none other than Frankie, who had been complaining about period cramps all day and really, Gee was beginning to think that the period may be a super one by how many times she had shown up at Gee's office that day.

cigarettes and chocolate milk by recklessfishes (orphan_account), Frank/Gerard, Patrick/Pete, 5k [WIP], General Audiences. The media really loves playing the “Who’s in Pietra Wentz’s pants?” game, and Pete wants them all to leave her the fuck alone.

Give Them Blood, Blood, Blood by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Explicit. Gee's heat always syncs up with her period. Frankie's willing to help her anyway.

Life Goes On by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 2k, General Audiences. Frankie is an angel who is forced to guard the gates of heaven. She falls in love with a woman who passes through them. The two of them are doomed from the very start. Pete is a djinn who is punished for his sins by guarding the gates of hell and falling in love with everyone who passes through them.

Let me hear your voice by 3cheers4sweet_romance, Frank/Gerard, 6k, Teen And Up Audiences. "The encounter was brief if you measure it in minutes, but it was long enough to make a deep impression on Frankie. She wanted to hear Gee's singing voice again and she wouldn't rest until she'd make her sing again." In this fic, Gee sings random ABBA songs and Frankie tries, with various degrees of success, to convince her to audition for the position of lead singer in a newly formed band.

Record Setter by orphan_account, Frank/Gerard, 2k, Explicit. "Frankie, y-you made me cum like-" she cut herself off with a breathy moan, "Fuck, like? Five times already? It hurts."

i'll make you mine (time after time) by inkk, Frank/Gerard, 1k, Mature. S is for Stargazing. (In which Gee is cuddly, Frank is a dork and they have super romantic sex in a field.)

Barely visible stars by giraffewrites, Lindsey/Gerard, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. Gee had preferred it when she wasn't out to her school. The days when she could just be herself and not have abuse shouted at her as she walked the halls. The days when she wasn't scared of doing such mundane tasks such as catching the bus. And then Lindsey comes along, and maybe everything isn't completely shit for once. Maybe.

[lady-olive-oil]

So Into You: Prologue

Note: AHHHHHHH it’s here! It’s finally here! The prologue for my first ever Chris Evans x Poc OC series! If you’d like to added to the Tag Squad, let me know. Without further ado, let’s take a journey through the friendship of Chris and Roxie and let’s see where it takes them.

Warnings: Slight spoiler for Endgame (If you haven’t seen it, then oops)

Word Count: 2.3k [this is only the beginning]

Choxie Squad: @themyscxiras || @honeychicana || @maddiestundentwritergaines @crushed-pink-petals || @dc41896 || @swirlevans || @areubeingserved || @stillevansbae

_____________

“Roxanne Alexander!” A voice called from the back of me.

“Yes?” Going over my notes for the interview with Jimmy Fallon, in my hands, I was nervous. Normally wasn’t nervous for my interviews, but that one meant big moments to come.

“You’re I’m in 15.” The producer, Katie Hockmeyer, smiled gingerly in my direction.

With a gentle nod, I practiced my breathing. Being an actress has always been a dream of mine. Only been in the game for a few years, 10 tops, I had a lot riding on these interviews.

I was recently in Avengers Infinity War and Endgame, as a fellow Dora Milaje. It was a fun job to have and soon, I’m gonna be in a new film which I can’t wait to start filming.

Hearing the theme song go off, I closed my eyes and let my feet do the walking as I got into position. This was going to be the interview of all interviews. To shoot my career even further, and make me a better actor.

Hearing my name being called by Jimmy, I got up on the stairs and walked on to the stage. The crowd was alive and well, to welcoming and warming. I felt at home.

“Roxanne Alexander. It is such a pleasure to finally have you on my show.”

“Jimmy, the feeling is mutual. Out of all the interviews I’ve had, or will have, I’m sure this one will be my favorite.”

The audience was eating this up so much. The conversation kept going; the energy was live and the vibes were right. Talking about my family; my pets, my friends, I’ve kept along the way and so much more.

Jimmy‘s smile lit up. “Ok! So I know everyone is dying to know about your endeavors. How did you get to where you are now? How did you career start?”

“It all started when I graduated from Lincoln-Sudbury Regional High School, class of ‘99. Boston gal born and raised. I did a few plays in school, I didn’t go to college until I was 21. Had what most would call a “Grace period” and went to Howard.”

“Howard? Nice! I know a few grey actors that went there.” He nodded in my direction to continue.

Explaining my journey always made me tear up a bit. I went through so much with trying to find myself; prove myself and just go on this journey of self discovery.

“After I graduated college in 2007, I went on another few years off; seven to be exact. I had my bachelors degree in theatre arts and a minor in business management.”

“Booked and busy. You go girl.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at Jimmy’s remake and high fived him.

I shrugged with a smile. “Have to be. I started a business venture called Cairo and The Nile, which is a skin and hair care line for natural hair. I’ve done a few movies, and a series, back when I graduated from Howard. I was also a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader for 2 years, from 2014 to 2016. That’s when I went back to school for business in Dallas.”

“I went to school while a dancer, with an acting background. Within the last five years I’ve done a few movies as well, which I know you’ve all seen.”

“Of course! Just to name a few Gods of Egypt, Pacific Rim 2: Uprising, Venom, Black Panther, Avengers Infinity War as a Dora Milaje and Avengers Endgame.  Along with some before those: Color Me Crazy, Meet at Midnight, The Get Down, Cards on Deck and Dear White People.” He nodded with a smile, while the audience cheered with enthusiasm.

“So, inquiring minds want to know: how did you get to be apart of Marvel first 10 years? And what can you tell us about Endgame?”

Smiling from ear to ear, I sighed happily. “Well like any other actor I sent in my audition tape and it went very well from there. But yet, I got a little push from a good friend of mine who just so happens to be in the films as well. So it worked out for us both.”

“As for Endgame, all of us don’t know. We all don’t rehearse together. All we do is come in; read what they give us, do the scenes and go home. With breaks in between. Because Holland and Ruffalo can’t keep their mouths shut. So the Dora Milaje and I including Okoye, I love you Danai! Know nothing.” With a gut busting chuckle, I felt tears spilling over my eyes.

“Dang, well I tried.” With a shrug, we both laughed.

“Good friend you say? Who is this good friend?” Jimmy leaned in close over his desk, arching a brow.

“Well he’s been my best friend since we were kids. We met at age 4; our mothers are best friends from college. The bond between our families is tighter than ever and just full of love.”

He tapped his chin in curiosity “Tight bond; Boston kids, mothers are still college best friends?”

“Mhm. Tight like glue on a lace front, as I’d put it and I’d get a weird expression from him.” Laughing a bit at the memory in my head. The audience seemed to like it too, so I got more comfortable.

“I got nothing. You gotta give us some clues or just tell us. We’re dying to know.”

“Now jimmy, where’s the fun in telling you? But I do have a little story to the day I became a DCC.” Smirking a little, I winked at the camera.

He pretended to be hurt, with a gasp “Ouch, Roxanne. I am hurt.”

“Do you wanna know how upset my best friend was when I told him, I was a DCC? I’m sure you’ll guess who he is. It leads up to us both starring, in an up an upcoming film, called Married at First Sight. Y’all should go see it.” Shameless plug.

“I’ll give it a shot, I have so many people in mind. How upset was he?”

“He’s a true Patriots fan. Like hardcore, and when I told him I made the cheer team he was filming another film. He didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks.” The audience gasped, causing me to shrug and chuckle. That day I told Chris was hilarious cause that following day, we went to lunch and then it started.

“Two weeks, two solid weeks. I can’t go that long without talking to my wife. I bet it was hard.”

I nodded a bit. “It was hard cause we talk everyday.”

“Childhood friend. Boston born and raised. Hardcore Pats fan.” He gathered all the info he had.

“Mhm.” I couldn’t help but grin like the Cheshire cat.

“Oh!! Roxanne, is your best friend is Chris Evans!”

“Ding ding!”

His facial expression was priceless, the audience loved it even more. This is the first interview I’ve had someone ask about my best friend and how we’ve stayed so close this long. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for Chris, and vice versa.

Jimmy let out a cheerful exclamation. “That is amazing. 30 plus years of friendship and you’re still tighter than ever. Any nicknames?”

“Never better. We have our moments, but we come back every time. With our characters in Marvel it’s been a nickname I’ve had since we met, which I’m auditioning for one actually. He calls me Ororo Munroe, who is the badass Storm from X-Men, and Of course call him Steve Rogers. Never saw one without the other.” The thought of us breaking up our friendship hurt more than anything. We go to each other for everything and sometimes, I can’t tell him everything. Like the crush I have had on him since we were young.

“Munroe and Rogers. I like it, cause like another detective show. Can’t wait for the new movie to come out, will be on the lookout for the trailers. Anything you wanna say to the audience or your best friend?”

“Of course.” Turning towards the camera I smiled gently. “If you’re watching this like I told you to, then you’re already on the right track. Most of the time you don’t ‘wike it’ when I tell you to do things. Oh well! That’s what best friends are for right? I’ll see you soon, Evans!”

“Roxanne Alexander, ladies and gentleman! Thank you for coming. We’ll be right back after this break!” Shaking his hand, I waved the audience as the music sounded to the commercial.

The director yelled out to us all. “And we’re clear! 10 min everybody.”

Heading back to my little room noticing that my phone was blowing up with Instagram; Snapchat and Twitter. So much love from the fans and even a text from Chris.

“Oh shit. What did he say.”

Chris: Saw the interview today! You did amazing as always Rox, and great job plugging the movie too. Gotta get all the exposure out there.

Heartfelt. So far so good. I wonder if he’s free today.

Me: thank you bud! Means a lot to me to hear you say that.

Chris: any time. Say wanna catch up sometime this week? Sight see in LA?

Chilling with my best friend, or with the family? I’m always with my family or my other friends, and so now I think it’s best to chill with Chris. Which I never do outside of rehearsal.

Me: I’m free today and a few days this week actually. Aside from rehearsals and more interviews.

The drive to my LA apartment was a breeze. Normally it’s be hell in traffic but not this time around. Upon making it home, I saw the Boston boy in all his glory, in front of my driveway. Sending a goofy face my way, he moved to the left a bit.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the goofy string bean, parking the car in the garage. “You just can’t help yourself huh? You love being in my way.”

“What can I say? I love messing with you Munroe.” Showing off his cheesy grin, he welcomed me with a hug. It was as if he lived there and was happy to see me home. If only it was real.

“Ha ha, very funny Rogers. So where’s my son, can’t have ya home without- Dodger! There’s my boy!”

Giving the beagle some love, along with receiving them, I managed to hug him as well.

A pouty Chris emerges. “Why don’t I get a hug like that?”

“You on top of me, would cause a lot of controversy and issues my dude.” Arching a brow at him, we headed inside and for comfy.

He mumbled under his breath. “You sure about that?”

“You say something?”

“Nah. Just uh, so wanna do Disneyland tomorrow? I hear Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge is open”

“Yeah we can do that. Oh and Lune is in her room, which Dodger found easily.”

Glancing at the two dogs in the little space under the staircase, we both smiled happily.

Clapping my hands together, I gave the Boston boy a look. “Happy dogs. Alright Evans, couch or bed?”

“Bed. The Mummy with Brendan Fraser, or Tom-”

“Fraser, no contest. Matching pjs, or just underwear?” We tend to finish each other’s sentences and it never gets old.

“Matching. This time, my old title.”

“Old title? What do you mean? Chris no way…”

“You don’t know?!” His face was hysterical. He got dressed in my walk in closet, as I changed in the bathroom. After a quick shower of course. Heading downstairs to make popcorn, I had to pull myself together.

“No! They didn’t tell the Dora’s nothing. Danai couldn’t tell me shit! Let me guess, Sam gets it?”

The look on his face as he saw me in my Captain America leggings and matching tank top, was blissful. I’ve never seen that look before. He looks damn good in his sweatpants too, along with being shirtless at that.

Snapping out of his trance, he nodded eagerly upon flopping on my king sized bed.

“Yes he does, and it’s a beautiful send off to Steve. You came into my trailer that one day when I was getting prospects done remember?”

Passing him the bowl of extra buttered popcorn, I slid next to him and grabbed the remote to program Netflix.

“Yeah. That’s what it’s for? Now I’m intrigued. Need a date for premier?” Finding the movie, I paused it for a second, pulling my curly hair into a high puff. I caught him staring at me.

“Why yes. Yes I do actually, would you like to go with me?”

“Why are you staring at me like that? Besides, I’d be insulted if you didn’t ask, I was going anyway.” With a shrug I played the movie and grabbed a handful of popcorn.

“I can’t look at my best friend without their being an ulterior motive? Don’t hog all the corn now.” Snatching the bowl from me, he got some on the bed.

“Nope! What would your girlfriend think? You’re cleaning that up, slov.” Throwing some at him, made it worse, seeing as though it caused a popcorn fight.

“Why bring her up? You two need to have a sit down, and chat. I can’t have the two most important women in my life hating each other.” He threw it back at me and tackled me down.

“Your mother and I get along fine thank you.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah yeah. I’m sorry. Let’s get back get back movie.”

“Oh, and I’m the slob? Says the one with candy wrappers on her dresser.” He pressed played on Netflix and cuddled me. Strictly platonic.

“My house; my room, my rules. Fine I’ll talk to her, you better catch her if she steps out of line.”

Hearing him stifle a laugh, he pinched my arm, which ricocheted into me thumping his head.

“Funny. Let’s watch the first 2, cause the China one made zero sense and the Scorpion King.

The marathon led to us both drifting to sleep, cuddled around each other.

Days like this never got old, and I hope they never change. Yet there’s always a few people who want to see you fall, and that person and I never got along when it came to Chris.

[bensboynton]

Good Enough b.h; Part 1

Requested: no

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: swearing, unedited. 

“Will I ever be good enough for anyone?”

“You’ve been good enough for me since the beginning.”

In which a singer tries her hand at acting, and ends up with a lot more than she bargained for. 

A/N: this is my first attempt at a longer fic, forgive me if anything is inaccurate/grammar mistakes/mistakes in general it’s 1 am and i haven’t slept in the past 28 hours and i just wanted to get this up.  – “You got the part.”

“What? Wait, is this a joke? Are you serious right now?” your lungs didn’t seem nearly big enough, as you desperately gasped for air. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“I’m completely serious! You landed the role. You’re Mary Austin. How does it feel to be able to say that? You’re Mary fucking Austin.”

Your heart was pounding in the chest as you were on the phone with your manager, Anthony. This was it. This was your big break in the industry. You just landed the role of the woman who stole Freddie Mercury’s heart.

You had been wildly successful in the music industry for almost five years, as you were about twenty-two shows away from finishing your second world tour for your sophomore album. And while writing music, performing said music, wrapping your tongue around unfamiliar languages and your mind around foreign cultures satisfied you, you always yearned for more. And that’s what led you to acting.

At first, it was an idea you had late at night. “What if I started to act?” But you shot the idea down yourself. You convinced yourself it’d be a distraction. Your manager would never say yes, it’d be too much work for you to handle, you wouldn’t be good at it. Not to mention the extra stress that would’ve been added to your already quite strained schedule. And on top of that, most singers never made it in the acting industry. But once the seed of this idea was planted in your brain, it began to grow. It soon became all you could think about. So, after a few extremely long phone calls with your manager and a few meetings in the city, you managed to set up your first audition. And the rest is history.

At first, you did a few commercials for some popular brands. Some advertising videos, skits for Facebook and Instagram, a few small parts in tv shows and smaller movies here and there, but nothing too major. However, when you heard a murmur through the grapevine about the part of Mary Austin in a biopic about Queen? For a lack of a better way to describe your emotions, you just about shit your pants.

Queen has been one of your favorite bands your entire life(thanks to your father), and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that Freddie Mercury and Queen were your heroes. Freddie was the main reason you decided to start writing music, and that beautiful man made you fall in love with the art of performance. You took inspiration from him in almost every single aspect of your life. You couldn’t just let an opportunity like this pass you by.

You had submitted an audition tape to the producers one day after a particularly tiring show in Belgium, following a two-week crash course with a dialect coach practicing your British accent. You quickly ran through a few lines of the emotionally extensive script, submitting your video a few moments later. And about four days following the submission of your video, you got a phone call from your manager telling you that you did, indeed, land the part. And you were ecstatic. You were even more elated when you received a similar phone call informing you who got the part of Freddie Mercury; one of your good friends, Rami Malek. You screeched so loud one of the people in the hotel room next to yours came over to ask if you were all right. But you were far better than just “all right.”

You had met Rami backstage before an interview you did with him on Jimmy Fallon’s show, and you two exchanged phone numbers and the rest was history. The both of you were best friends for a while; practically inseparable. The both of you were hanging out at least every other day before distance slowly caused you to drift apart. But a gap between you wouldn’t really be any interference since you’d be working on this movie together. Problem solved.

And so, after a few headaches and way, way too many phone calls(all of which were extremely unnecessary to you), you rearranged the final three shows of your tour to leave you right smack dab in the middle of London, right where you needed to be to begin filming this movie. Everything was beginning to fall into place. – You slowly stretched your arms up over your head, arching your back and cracking your neck. Today. Today was the day you finally got to begin shooting Bohemian Rhapsody.

You had been waiting for this moment for what felt like an eternity. When you heard the news of your success at landing the role as Mary, time started to pass by as if it was in slow motion, and days started to drag on as you waited for shooting to begin. You could only reread the script so many times before it became so mind-numbing it made you sick to even look at it.

Throwing on a pair of jeans and a black turtleneck, you looked at yourself in the hotel mirror. The bags under your eyes were slightly apparent, and you made a note in your head to try and cover them up before leaving your room and checking out.

You grabbed your cellphone and unplugged it from its charger, typing in your passcode and pressing your boyfriend’s contact. The phone rang for a while, but no answer. Your heart sunk slightly at the sound of his voicemail.

“Hey, Y/BF/N. Just wanted to call and say hey before I head to set. I hope your tour is going well, I love you and can’t wait to see you. Talk to you later.”

You sighed gently as you hit the circular “end call” button and set your phone down. No more time for being sad over the strange lack of contact with your significant other. You had a movie to film.  

You checked over your room quickly, just to be sure you had packed everything. After all, having all of your clothes would be imperative for the lengthy stay in your new trailer.

Hearing the news that you got to live in your very own trailer while on set was weirdly exciting for you. It felt like a rite of passage, almost like it validated your acting career in an odd way.

Wheeling your two extremely full suitcases behind you, and your backpack sitting gracefully on your shoulders, you slowly but surely made your way to the lobby of the hotel you were staying in. You swiftly checked yourself out and made your way to the notably empty parking lot. Made sense that it would be empty. After all, it was almost 5 am in London.

A black SUV was awaiting you near the doors, ready to take you to your new home for the next few months. Saying you were excited was an understatement.

Making small talk with your chauffeur for the morning, Todd, you admired his thick British accent. You appreciated his unique pronunciation of the words you knew and the few pieces of British slang that were unfamiliar to your remarkably American brain. Hopefully you’d start picking up on those sooner or later. You pretended to be mildly interested in Todd’s ranting about his three children as you lazily twisted your hair around your index finger, head rested against the tinted window. But to be honest, your mind was elsewhere.

You began nervously biting at your already extremely bitten nails as you neared closer and closer to the filming location, thoughts beginning to race through your mind. What if the cast didn’t like you? What if you embarrassed yourself? What if you suddenly forgot all your lines? What if you were so bad at acting they fired you on the spot?

Your worrying was cut short as the short and stout driver with grey stubble pulls onto a gravel road, pulling up to a security gate. He rolls down the window and tells the woman standing in the tiny concrete building to the left of the car something about dropping you off, but you aren’t paying much attention. You’re too busy watching the busy hustle and bustle up ahead, of tons of people with jobs and places to be and things to do. It seems as if everyone is running out of time, due to the quick pace that they’re all walking. The driver pulls up to an average sized building with two very heavy duty black doors.

“I’ll drop you off here, and then I’ll run your bags to your trailer if that’s all right with you Miss Y/L/N.” Todd’s voice snaps you back to reality. “Yes, that sounds great. Thank you, Todd.” he nods as you slowly clamber out of the car, adjusting your purse on your shoulder and walking into the building. You can feel your heart beginning to speed up its rhythm in your chest.

You walk up to the shiny black desk in front of you, about to ask the friendly looking receptionist where you’re needed before an enthusiastic voice echoes through the lobby.

“Y/N!” you turn around to see none other than Rami Malek standing before you. You grin as you run straight into him, your chin resting on his shoulder and your arms wrapped around his neck. You pull away as he gives you a quick peck on the cheek. “Long time no see, ay?” you hum, looking at the familiar man as he grins and looks down at his shoes. You admire the small crinkles in the corners of his eyes. Oh, how you missed him.

“You know, I almost cried when I heard you got the part.” He spoke with an eloquence unmatched by anyone you had ever met before. His voice sent shivers down your spine. “And why was that?” you inquired, as he slowly brought his eyes back up to meet yours.

“Because I knew I couldn’t do it with anybody else. It needed to be you. I just had this feeling, you know? And with our friendship, I knew our chemistry would be good. I was just really excited.”

You felt heat rise to your cheeks, as you tucked a piece of your soft hair behind your ear. It was strange, with Rami. You hadn’t heard from him in months, yet the conversation flowed with ease, almost as if you last talked two days ago.

“You should’ve heard me when I found out you were Freddie.” Rami cocked an eyebrow at your statement as he offers his left arm. You accept his invitation, interlocking your right arm with his as you start walking alongside him, “I was screaming bloody murder. The hotel sent someone from the front desk up to check on me,” Rami let out a loud chuckle, shaking his head as he glanced at you, a twinkle in his bulbous orbs.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel something for Rami when you first met him. I mean, who could blame you? A fashion-conscious, well spoken, educated man? In this economy? A rare occurrence, at best.  You started to fall for him when your friendship was at its peak, but it just doesn’t feel the same now. Besides, you now have a loving boyfriend, and Rami has an absolutely beautiful girlfriend. No need to “mingle” with any of your castmates.

You continued your walk down a particularly long hallway with locked arms in silence. But, it was a comfortable silence. That was your favorite thing about Rami. No matter what, he always made you feel at ease. You finally reached a certain door that Rami stopped at, taking a deep breath and looking at you.

“Ready to meet the rest of the band?” you nodded quickly, trying to gather yourself to make the best first impression you could. It was almost as if Rami could sense your nerves.

He gave your arm a comforting squeeze, a slight grin causing the left corner of his mouth to curve upwards into a smile. As you said, he was always able to calm you down. He pushed the door open, and it was almost as if the sound erupting from the tiny room slapped you across the face. Rami grinned at you sheepishly, an apology already bubbling at his lips before you walked swiftly into the room.

“Guys, can you all shut your traps for two goddamn seconds and meet Y/N?” Rami’s voice carried, and suddenly the volume level in the room decreased dramatically. Three unfamiliar eyes were suddenly trained on you, and you sent them a nervous smile, tucking your long hair behind your ear, twisting it around your index finger. This was something you tended to do when you were nervous.

 A particularly tall man started walking toward you, a big smile on his elongated face. You imagined him with a mop of curly hair, and immediately knew that this must be the man playing none other than Brian May. 

“You must be Gwilym, right?” you smiled, reaching out to shake his abnormally large hand, “I’m Y/N.”

“Amazing to finally meet you, Y/N. Rami has told us loads about you.” you smiled up at him, as you were about 6 inches shorter than his towering figure. He made small talk with you, asking about your flight to London and if you had any trouble arriving on set. 

“Oh. My. God. It’s you. It’s really you. I’m in a room with THE Y/N. Wow. I might pass out. Am I dreaming?” a man with curly hair joked, his thick sarcasm lacing his words as he turned to the man next to him. “Pinch me. Wake me up from this dream. It’s too good to be true.” you laughed, shaking your head as you looked up to meet his eyes as he started walking towards you. You curled your finger around a strand of hair as the stranger walked towards you. 

“And you must be Joe!” you held out your hand, only to be engulfed in the slightly taller man’s arms. “You’re my new best friend, and best friends don’t shake hands. We hug.”

And although Joe was joking, you clung to his words for a few seconds. It warmed your heart to think that he was already so accepting of you. “This is my other best friend, Allen. Sorry new bestie, you’re going to have to share me. I have a lot of best friends. But there’s plenty of this,” he points at himself, “to go around. I promise.” you giggled, lightly hitting his forearm with the back of your hand. It’s actually quite insane how comfortable you felt around him already, despite you knowing him personally for approximately a minute and a half. You looked up, swiftly scanning the room to look for the final member of the main cast you haven’t had a chance to meet yet. Gwil must’ve seen you look around because he did the same thing. “Has Anyone seen Ben recently? Or did he sneak off for a smoke again?”

“He left about ten minutes ago. Either taking a really, really, nice shit or went to smoke. I’ll let your beautiful minds decide what you want to believe,” Joe’s comment left the entire room laughing lightly under their breath as they returned back to whatever they were doing before you had walked in. 

You had been sitting on the couch for about twenty minutes, talking to Joe and answering his many questions about your childhood, career, upcoming music, college and, strangely, what movie you would choose if you could only watch one for the rest of your life. You saw how he could potentially come off as nosy to a high-strung individual, but to you, he was just curious and always had a desire to learn more. You admired that about him, as you were very similar.

The door of the tiny room opened, and a man with fluffy, slightly untidy blonde hair briskly strolls into the room, slipping off the brown leather jacket snugly hugging his muscular shoulders. Your eyes followed him for a split second and it took everything in you to tear your eyes away from the Greek God that just waltzed into the room.

“There he is! My boyfriend. I missed you SO much.” Joe grasped his chest, motioning at the man to walk over. The mysterious man shook his head and let out a soft laugh, his head down as he typed furiously into his phone. You stood up quickly, smoothing out the front of your shirt. Joe gestured to you, and his eyes swept over you quickly, causing a small bout of butterflies to swarm through your empty stomach. You swore your heart was beating so loud, everyone in the room could hear it echoing in your chest. 

“You must be Ben. It’s really nice to meet you, I’m-” you began to introduce yourself to the unreasonably attractive man, holding your hand out before he interrupts you. “Y/N.”

“Y-Yeah that’s me.”

The way your name rolled off his tongue sent shivers down your spine. It caught you off guard. His green orbs that glimmered with a tinge of blue slowly met yours, and he smiled sheepishly, before breaking the eye contact and dropping your hand. There was an awkward silence that fell between the two of you, even amidst the chatter of the room. Ben opened his mouth like he was about say something, before a familiar voice interrupted his train of thought.

“Hey hey hey, let’s not get too comfortable over there. That’s my boyfriend. Back off Y/N!” Joe spoke from across the room, sarcastic anger dripping from his mocking words. Ben rolled his eyes, mouthing a “sorry” to you before walking away from you, aimlessly making his way to the other side of the room.

You were left alone, and you rubbed the back of your neck with your right hand. It wasn’t normally like you to act so awkward and secluded around someone, especially someone you didn’t know. 

But, nevertheless, you could finally check one thing off your list of worries. The cast was absolutely amazing. Now all you needed to stress about was actually filming the movie.

But little did you know, that would soon become the very least of your worries.

[canaryatlaw]

today was fine, I’m just kind of in a mood at the moment. Just feeling discontented with life and questioning the choices I’ve made, like not pursuing acting and going to law school, maybe it wasn’t because I needed to be a lawyer, maybe I just never believed in myself enough to believe I could ever actually make anything of myself acting....or maybe I actually just suck and that would be a terrible decision because I do not have what it takes and I should take the empirical evidence in that I’ve been passed over for so many roles so many times to know that I’M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH. It just wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to start law school and be completely content, and never looked back. but I’m not. I miss acting. I want to act. But I don’t want the “other life” option I had when I was deciding whether I wanted to go to law school or not- staying on with my theatre company who was full of really great people that I loved working with, but we could only perform a few months out of the year, and then I was stuck behind a desk for the rest of the year....so I traded it for an existence where I’ll always be sitting behind a desk?? Yes I’ll be helping people (that is, if I can get a damn job) but I could’ve been helping people with theatre. But that’s not the existence I’m yearning for. I want this reality that is never going to happen because I’M NOT FUCKING TALENTED ENOUGH TO GET FAMOUS THROUGH ACTING. I’M JUST NOT. I tell myself this is me being realistic, but maybe it’s just a lack of self-confidence. I don’t know. I just find myself constantly daydreaming about an existence I’ll never have, one that exists on tv sets and shooting with awesome casts, and going to comic cons on panels and getting to talk to fans and inspire them, and meet these amazing people....but I’m not skinny, I’m not pretty (enough), and I’m not talented enough. Of course all of these thoughts have been facilitated by the fact that I convinced myself to send in this audition tape that I’m still not gonna talk about details on because it’s not like anything is gonna happen anyway, and I spent all day learning the lines to shoot the tape tomorrow, and I keep daydreaming about getting the part, the contingencies I’d put in place to try and finish the semester and then pause my law school education to return and finish my last semester at some point in the future, and giving interviews about how I absolutely plan on returning to law school, because I could never be complete with law and acting in my life, and I could always do law and act on the side, but I couldn’t prioritize acting and do law on the side. not really. I’ve run through the scenarios and it’s just not realistic. But still....I want it. And I know I’m setting myself up to get disappointed every time I think about it like this and delude myself into thinking I have a shot when they’re going to end up casting a drop dead gorgeous skinny blonde 16 year old for the part and I am none of those things, but still I let myself hope, I listen to myself doing the lines, and goddammit I feel like I’m on to something here. for the first time in a long, long time I feel like I actually sound good in my acting. like I’ve somehow leveled up. it’s been a mental thing I’ve been contemplating for a while now, and this has just been my first opportunity to implement it as a strategy, and really I think it’s going well. But even so, the chances my video, one out of thousands being sent in, will even make it past an initial viewing is very unlikely. Even if my acting is leveled up, I probably still won’t be good enough. I know this. But why am I allowing myself to hope then? Because I’m dissatisfied with the law school life I’ve built here? Because this life isn’t everything I dreamed it would be? Because that’s just life? Or because I’m still fucking depressed and have been in denial about it since August? I just.....I don’t know. I don’t know the answers to any of this. and even in the infinitesimally small chance this turns into something, my family would absolutely flip a shit on me for the content (it’s not like, sex scenes or anything gross like that, it’s just very specific content that they have a major hang up with) and I honestly don’t know how they would react, if they’d even help support me in doing this.....which, I mean, if they don’t, I have $14,000 to my name, how far could I realistically get on that? And how fucking stupid would it be for me to move to Hollywood and start waiting tables trying to get cast in something when I have a fucking law degree? When I spent all that time, all that blood sweat and tears, not to mention all that MONEY, and then to just decide I don’t want to do law anymore? But that’s not even true, because I DO want to do law still. I’m just conflicted about how to do it and frustrated with job prospects and my family REALLY wants me to come home and I feel so guilty about it which makes me want to do it, but I also don’t know how I would react to that and I have a very hard time seeing myself be truly happy in that situation. I’ve never wanted to move back there. I’ve been wanting to get out for as long as I can remember, and I did, I flew out  the door at 18 and never looked back...until now, 7 whole years later, and I miss my parents, and my sister, and it pains me so much to know she’s going through exactly the same thing I was when I was her age and I can’t physically be there to make sure nothing happens to her. If something did and I wasn’t there, never forgiving myself would be a mild reaction, to be completely honest if she killed herself I’d probably kill myself too, because I don’t think I can live in a world without her in it. That’s what I tell myself, at least, but then I think about my parents, and how that would completely destroy them. One daughter would be horrific enough, but two? I don’t think I could do that to them, no matter how much pain I would be in. So I would stay in this world and be in unbearable pain, and probably blaming myself for everything because I just KNOW that if I was there I could’ve stopped it. She’s my baby girl. I love her more than anything else in this world. I can’t lose her. So I want to be there for her. It’s just that...moving back there sounds so suffocating. I’ve been very clear with my parents that under no circumstances am I moving back into the house, even if I move back there, but at the same time like, I don’t have any money?? Long Island is expensive as hell, even if I had a job probably half my income would go to paying rent, and how am I supposed to survive on a government or nonprofit salary when that’s the case? And I don’t want to rely on my parents forever, I already feel guilty that I’m 25 fucking years old and still reliant on them, because I can’t make any fucking money while in law school so my parents pay for everything! And I just want to be independent, finally. And then I start worrying if something happens to my dad and suddenly there’s no more income, then what the fuck am I supposed to do? sigh. I'm working myself into an anxiety spiral and I need to stop now. But if anyone just read all that and has any insight your input would be appreciated. 

So. Anyway. I had trouble falling asleep last night, but woke up at like 8 am anyone and couldn’t fall back asleep, and not for lack of trying. So I got up, and made a blueberry dutch baby, (I had turned my alarm off at some point past 2 am because there was no way I was making it to the church thing) and watched last night’s episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I don’t have much feedback other than I love this damn show and I hope they actually pursue the plot line of them suing Josh because I am so fucking here for that. Then I started and finished my poverty law reading, which wasn’t terribly long, just rather dry. Since I have an abbreviated school week (as I’m going to NY on Wednesday) I’m just gonna read for the actual classes I have to attend and I’ll figure the rest out later. After that I decided it was hair dyeing time, since I wanted it to look nice and bright for the audition tape tomorrow, and for my sister’s sweet 16 last week. So I did that, and while it was processing I ran through lines, then rinsed it out and listened to this program for this fellowship thing I’m doing that I’ll tell you about at some other time that took about an hour and forty minutes. Continued to memorize lines, my memorization skills have definitely improved over the last few years, I blame having to memorize huge chunks of text in small amounts of time for any and all things mock trial and trial advocacy. So I got pretty much all of it down, then I turned on Batman TAS for a few episodes, then went to Netflix and started Mindhunter, because everyone on the true crime podcast Facebook groups I follow haven’t shut up about it and at least one of them are reviewing it next week, so I figured I’d give it a shot. I also had the yankees game on live stream but muted in one of the tabs in my browser, so monitoring that as well. I got through the first 4 episodes of Mindhunter and it’s really good so far! Super interesting period piece, and Jonathan Groff is fucking amazing of course. Very intriguing plot, and I’m looking forward to seeing how it all comes together. I paused it for the last inning of the yankees game just to see them lose, and I’m just like really, universe? I couldn’t have the Cubs or the Yankees in the world series? they both had to lose?? not cool man, not cool. and yeah, after that I finished the Mindhunter episode I was watching and then got ready for bed, and got into a mood which caused me to write all of the above because I’m feeling anxious about this whole thing I guess. I just don’t feel particularly happy with life right now. It’s nowhere near as bad as the horrible depression I was experiencing over the summer when I was off one of my meds, but it’s just a general lack of happiness. I know there’s a technical term for it, but I don’t remember it at the moment. But anyway. I have to have to have to get up and go to church tomorrow since it’s our first Sunday in the new building and with only two services, so I really need to be there. I’m excited for that, though. It should be really good. As for now, I need to get some sleep, so I’m signing off. Sorry about the crazy rant above, I guess I just needed to get a lot of emotions out and hey, if tumblr’s good for anything, it’s good for that. Anyway. Goodnight sweeties. Have an awesome Sunday.

[idemandoolong]

When You Can Handle The Lies, Backstabbing, and Unfair Treatment, Then You're Allowed To Be Famous

Most of us have fantasized about what it’d be like to be rich and famous. The paparazzi, the photoshoots, the money, the power, the adoring fans…but what we don’t seem to think about is what famous people tell us ALL THE TIME:

Being famous is unfair, AND it’s every person for himself/herself.

Now, most celebrities don’t flat out say this, but they’ll say it in roundabout ways or with cute little slogans like “Ain’t no friends in the game.”

We romanticize this and think it’s cool and trendy, but that shit would destroy 99% of us. The majority of us can’t handle the negative aspects of fame, and I’m not talking about the rumors and loss of privacy. I’m talking about how you’re essentially forfeiting loyalty and trust–which are things we regular folks take very seriously.

Allow me to explain.

In 2007, during Cycle 9 of “America’s Next Top Model,” Ebony Morgan was in the bottom two with Ambreal Williams. Ambreal was sent home, but Ebony opted to go home instead, thus allowing Ambreal to stay.

Now, five years later, during Cycle 18, Eboni Davis and Alisha White were in the bottom two. Eboni was eliminated, but Alisha opted to forfeit. Same situation, right? Well Eboni was told she’s still going home.

You may explain this away by saying “Well maybe the rules changed.” But THAT’S why you can’t handle fame, silly rabbit. You just don’t get it:

There are no rules in Hollywood.

You’re so used to rules and laws and consistency, but in the fame game, that doesn’t exist. It is solely up to Tyra Banks (and the producers) to decide whom to eliminate. It doesn’t matter if all of America says you’re the best. It doesn’t matter if the “judges” are being hypocrites. Nothing matters. You don’t matter. They don’t care about you, and that’s something most of us can’t deal with.

In fact, the winners of “Top Model” have come out and said they’re not taken seriously in the modeling world, so it’s hard for them to book jobs and gigs. And it’s not like Tyra Banks is using her name to get them jobs. She doesn’t give a damn. Their usefulness is over as far as she’s concerned. Boom. Bye. On to the next wannabe model.

I’ll give you another example.

Janet Hubert portrayed Vivian Banks on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” from 1990-1993. She once told a story how Countess Vaughn (Moesha, The Parkers, Hollywood Divas) once auditioned for a role on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and was given the part. Now, before taping a show, the actors and actresses sit around and do what’s called a table read.

They literally sit at a table together and read the script aloud while the writers and executives and producers are there taking notes to decide what they want to change.

Anyway, Countess is there reading her lines and everyone is laughing. They love her. She’s perfect for the role and she’s excited about taping her episode. She goes home…and they never call her back. She doesn’t know what happened. Some time later, she runs into Janet and asks what happened. Janet explained that Will Smith was afraid she’d upstage him, so he had her dropped.

Nobody fought for Countess. When she got dropped, they just went on with their lives. Nobody even tried to contact her and say “Hey, look…this is what’s happening…”

Now before you say Janet is making up lies and is bitter, Countess alludes to this very story in an episode of Hollywood Divas:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04cTELr5Fxc

We regular folks aren’t used to be being treated like that. Imagine if you got a job and were told on your way home from the interview, “Actually we want somebody of a different race.” You’d sue, and win. But you can’t do that in Hollywood.

You can get fired from a movie for being too young (Stuart Townsend from “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring”).

You can get fired and have your scenes re-done by a replacement (Chloe Grace Moretz in “Bolt”).

You can spend months recording all your lines AS THE MAIN CHARACTER and get fired because the gender of the character changes (Holly Hunter in “Chicken Little”).

It doesn’t even matter. As I said, in Hollywood, you don’t matter. Very few people actually give a damn about you. Now take this a step further and imagine being a person of color in Hollywood. Those three people I just mentioned are all white. If they’ll do that to white folks, imagine what people of color endure.

Even your bandmates who you’ve grown up and were your best friends for ten years will leave you in the dust at the drop of a hat. Remember what happened to Destiny’s Child?

If you don’t, long story short, best friends Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Rowland, LaTavia Roberson and LeToya Luckett formed a band known as Destiny’s Child. After two platinum-selling albums, one day in early 2000, their music video “Say My Name” premiered with two new members, Farrah Franklin and Michelle Williams in the band, lip-synching over LaTavia’s and LeToya’s vocals.

There was no announcement. No press conference. No nothing. Just boom. LaTavia and LeToya didn’t even know they had been fired until, like everyone else, the video premiered. After a whole bunch of back and forth and “he said, she said,” it later came out LaTavia and LeToya were having disagreements with their manager, Mathew Knowles, the father of Beyoncé. He was the group’s manager AND the manager of the four singers individually.

LaTavia and LeToya fired Mathew as their personal managers due to financial reasons and for the way he was allegedly mistreating them. He responded by hiring two new singers and the show went on until Farrah Franklin quit due to Mathew’s alleged mistreatment five months later. Destiny’s Child told the public for years that Farrah couldn’t “handle” being famous, but the truth is she asked too many questions like why was Solange Knowles (Beyoncé’s younger sister) getting a cut out of the band’s paycheck as a backup dancer when she not once danced….until after Farrah quit. She also didn’t like that she, Michelle, and Kelly had to go to tanning salons to appear darker so Beyoncé would be the lighter one, she became sick overseas and nobody seemed to care, Mathew would literally yell at her and verbally abuse her….she couldn’t take it anymore so she left.

How would you feel if you quit a job due to unfair treatment, but everyone was told it was because you “couldn’t handle” the job?

Still think you could handle it?

Ok, big shot. Try this on for size.

Karan Ashley portrayed Aisha Campbell on “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers” from 1993-1995. It’s a bit complicated, but the creator of the show was making millions of dollars from the success of the show, and the actors weren’t paid very much. Keep in mind, “Power Rangers” was one of the most successful shows in the US, and the actors’ likenesses for toys, video games, and all sorts of merchandise was being used…and they didn’t get a dime for it. In fact, Walter Emmanuel Jones portrayed Zack Taylor from 1993-1994 in 81 episodes, and lived with roommates the entire time. That’s how little he was paid.

When 20th Century Fox approached “Power Rangers” to make a movie, the actors were severely lowballed with how much they’d get paid. He, along with co-stars Thuy Trang and Austin St. John asked for more, they were rejected, so they quit. Karan Ashley, Steve Cardenas, and Johnny Yong Bosch (who is half-Korean and was told by producers to use his mother’s maiden name of Yong in his name to seem more Asian…because, I guess, nobody can tell you’re Asian unless your mother says so) were immediately hired as replacements and filmed the movie.

Anyway, in 1995, Karan Ashley wants to be let go from the show. Not only do they film for about 16hrs per day, but again, the pay is low. She’s told her character will be given a ten-episode story that will have her leave the series.

So the actors go on a much needed two-week break after 61 episodes, and when they return, Karan is told “Oh, we don’t need you anymore. You can go.” Just like that. No ten-episode story. No going-away party. No nothing. Boom. Gone. Bye. And the show just went on without her.

I could go on and on with similar stories.

Mo’Nique’s show being cancelled despite being the top-rated show on BET at the time of its cancellation.

Cree Summer being fired from playing Meg on “Family Guy” as she’s on her way to work.

John Amos and Esther Rolle being fired from “Good Times” after complaining the JJ Evans character was stereotypical, but the press being told they were envious of the character’s success.

Jamie Lynn Spears getting pregnant at 16 years old, so all the actors lose their jobs on “Zoey 101.”  

But I’m telling you these stories to say being famous is simply not fair.

You get fired from jobs for reasons that aren’t your fault. Promises are routinely broken. Your friends and co-workers don’t stick up for you. There’s no consistency. People say one thing and do another all the time. You’re lied to all the time. And nobody cares because it’s done to them, too.

Think of all the times you were treated unfairly or lied on or lied to or did a whole bunch of work for nothing…now imagine that happening pretty much every single day.

That, ladies and gents, is what it’s like to be famous.

[americanowrites]

// radio one interview  a fresh eyes extra //

(non canon)

Georgina couldn’t stop looking around, her fingers itched to touch all the buttons and sliders and fancy deck board in front of her. She didn’t know what any of it did but it all looked cool and hi tech. Part of her ached to be back on a film set, she had nearly a few weeks off before she was due to start work again and she was itching to get back to it and fall into her rhythm.

“Babe, you look scared, you’re not the one about to be interviewed by this nightmare.” Harry pointed at Nick and pushed his sleeves up his forearm, again. His black shirt was all crumbled from his constant fiddling, his hair already a mess from his fingers. He looked divine.  

Nick tutted, glancing up from his phone for a second. “Excuse me Harold, my interview techniques are world class.”

Harry rolled his eyes and Georgina could tell he was trying his best to relax and appear calm. It wasn’t working on her. “Whatever Nick, just don’t bring up anything embarrassing stories.”

“All stories are embarrassing when it comes to you. And don’t worry; I’ve been briefed by your crew.”

Georgina watched Harry as he pushed his sleeves again, she sighed, pushing her chair away from the desk. She made her way around the desk, Harry’s eyes on her with every step she took, his hands found her hips when she came to a stop between his knees. He was smaller than her since he was sitting down, his face directly facing her boobs. He looked rather pleased with himself.

They’d spent the morning messing around, listening in as Nick finished up his radio show and got briefed on what was going to happen. Georgina and Harry had entertained themselves by having an office chair race and swinging in circles until they were nearly sick. They’d acted like children and it seemed to have dispelled Harry’s nerves until they’d been forced into the studio and told to calm down.

“Harry, calm down. Just breathe.” She whispered softly, raking her fingers through his hair to try and tame it. It had grown out quite a bit and she loved how wild it looked, he looked like Tarzan when he got out of the shower and she turned into animal whenever she saw him.

“What if say something stupid?” he stared up at her, worry in his big green eyes.

“Well you often do, but you’ll be fine. Just relax.” she unrolled his sleeves until they were hanging at his wrists and slowly rolled them properly, he’d only shoved them up to his elbows when he got dressed this morning.  She’d been shocked to see him enter the kitchen in a fancy black shirt and even fancier plaid trousers. He looked spectacular and it was a total treat on her eyes, she was more used to seeing him in hoodies and shorts. In contrast she was in skinnies and an old plaid shirt and tatty Converse. He was in popstar mode, a star about to burst across the skies of the world and she was here to watch him in all his glory.

She’d taken the month of, a promise she’d made after he came to stay with her in South Africa during filming, they were supporting each other. And truthfully, she didn’t want to miss a second of the start to his solo career.

She’d heard the album before anyone else, listened to demos and even sat in on a few recordings during her time in Jamaica. She’d listened to him rant and worry about lyrics and sounds and kissed his cheek when he fell asleep on the armchair with his guitar still in his lap.

Georgina had there for most of it and now she was with him for the exciting part, according to Harry this was the best part about making music, having it finished and waiting to go. Georgina understood that, it was the same for films, when everything came together at the end, there was no feeling like it.

Georgina couldn’t imagine what it felt like to produce something so personal, some of his songs were inspired by her, and have people judge it. Music was an experience, as Harry was trying to teach her, everyone listened to the same lyrics in a different way, Harry just had to hope they all found something like enjoyed. Movies were a team effort, a unit working on one goal and living with one focus, Harry was doing this alone, he was stepping out of a shadow into an unknown world.

“I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah?” he grinned and she knew he needed to hear her words.

She glanced around the small studio and when she was happy that no one was watching, sat on Harry’s knee. His hands moved to support her, one sliding round to her bum, he looked too happy to scold. “You’ve made such an incredible album and I know I’m not good with music but I love it and I’m so happy you’re doing this.” her arms were resting on his shoulder, fingers playing in his hair.

“I’m happy too and I’m happy you’re here with me.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about okay? You’re gonna smash it and I’m right here watching you.”

He smiled so softly at her; she felt her heart skip a beat. Harry had the uncanny ability to render her speechless and give her heart palpitations. “You’re amazing, what did I do to deserve you? My beautiful girl.”

Her cheeks burned, “You’re you and you deserve the world, don’t forget that. ‘kay?”

“’kay,” he nodded. “Can I have a kiss now?” she gave him a look. “It’ll help my nerves.” He chuckled, eyes lighting up when she closed the space between them. His hands tightening their grip on her, their bodies seemed to be moulded, each part of them fitting together perfectly. Harry said it meant they were made for each other; Georgina always rolled her eyes but secretly believed him.

“You’re a nightmare Harry Styles.” She muttered against his lips.

“And you love me anyway.” His chuckled was swallowed by her lips as they softly pressed to his. Georgina expected a peck, but Harry deepened the kiss, lips moving against hers until she reacted. She could feel his heart slamming against hers, their breathing turning heavy and laboured and his hands squeezing her bum.

“Alright, fucking hell guys I’ve just had me breakfast.��� Nick yelled as Georgina jumped away, Harry whining at the lack of connection to her lips. His eyes were closed still and his lips pouted. “Do you need a cold shower Harold?”

“Nah, looking at you does the job.”

“Dickhead.” Nick laughed, busying himself with some papers which no doubt held all of his questions. Georgina heard Harry gulp, this was going to be his longest interview ever and even though he was being interviewed by his long-time friend, she knew it was still nerve-wracking.

“Relax baby.” whispering in his ear, she only hoped he’d relax into the interview. She’d never seen him like this, not even on his first day on set or in his audition tapes.

“You’re staying right?”

She nodded while she stood up, aware of the producer walking into the studio. “I’ll be right over there trying to keep quiet and not laugh at your lame jokes. Give me a wink and I’ll kill Nick if it all gets too much.” She knew her place was in the corner, she was lucky she was even allowed to stay in the room, but she was happy to abide the rules and keep quiet.

“Okay,” he nodded, glancing around the desk in a panic as he was handed a glass of water.

“Good luck baby, show them the real you.”

Harry turned into a promo king. He laughed, cracked jokes and was unbelievably himself she found herself falling for him all over again. She was in awe of his confidence and charisma and how he made everyone hang from his every word. She’d never seen this side of him, he’d always shown her feigned confidence, but watching him now she could tell he was proud of himself in a non-egotistical way. His self-pride was reassuring and attractive.

He was showing the world who he was.

Even if he was lying out of his teeth about liking Brussel sprouts. Georgina had nearly jumped on the mic when he said he liked to put them in his homemade curries. She couldn’t count the times they’d had arguments about the little green balls, Harry said they looked like alien brains and always picked them out of the curries she made. He was a liar and the grin he shot her was proof he knew what he was saying. She hated him.  

When he mentioned that he snored, they shared a look from across the studio. Harry’s dimples sank so far into his cheeks she didn’t think they’d ever disappear again.

She blushed so much she thought she was about to faint and an intern had to ask if she needed more water when Harry talked about Jamaica. She had flashback to their beach house with the curtains for walls and the biggest bed either of them had ever seen. She thought back to their naked swims and early morning giggles in bed. The island held so many memories, including one about them breaking the bed with their enthusiasm and Harry was casually mentioning the place, smirking at her like he didn’t still have the scratches on his back.

The interview was glorious and while Georgina was hardly a music expert she knew it was exactly what his team wanted when they chose Nick to conduct it. He was Harry.  He made her laugh and blush and smile so much her cheeks ached.    

There was in that little room for nearly three hours, most of what they said was shit and ramblings about nothing but she knew there was some solid material that would make the world fall in love with her boyfriend.

“You were glorious.” She told him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he gathered her in a tight hug.

“Not mad that I mentioned Jamaica?” she felt him smirk against her cheek.

“I’m putting that on the black list mister, a gagging order is needed.”

“Oh baby, you can gag me anytime, I’ll happily break more beds with you.”

[onestowatch]

Authenticity is Key: A Q&A With Avalon Young

From the quiet beaches of San Diego to one of the loudest stages in the world, Avalon Young has seen it all. This So Cal singer has a lot going for her right now. Her debut album, SHIFT, debuted at #2 on the Itunes R&B charts. She finished in the top 8 on the final season of American Idol. And most importantly, she can sing her ass off.

Avalon Young isn’t your typical rising star though. Even with all the attention she has received in such a short time, she has stayed true to her image and personality. It may have taken away some opportunities from her but she’s fine with it. She’s in it for the long haul and she’s determined to find success on her own terms.

I caught up with Avalon to talk about her debut album SHIFT, the American Idol experience, being persistent after facing rejection, catering to her new fans, and more. Read the full interview below:

What kind of creative stuff did you grow up around as a kid in San Diego?

Art-wise or music-wise?

In general.

time between the ages of 5 and 6, I told my mom I wanted to be an artist so I started drawing and coloring. And then in middle school I realized I also really liked poetry. After that, I started branching out and seeing what other talents I had. I wanted to know what everything felt like. I started playing guitar too. My dad would always listen to the Eagles and that definitely influenced me a lot. Most people would never guess I grew up on The Eagles but I also listened to a lot of No Doubt, Eric Clapton, and that first Maroon 5 album. My mom put me on to that. The Songs About Jane album was so crazy to me.

‘Sunday Morning’ was a classic.

Yeah! The chord progressions and production elements were so crazy.  That’s the kind of music I grew up around.

When did you realize that you were a good singer?

I used to be really shy and couldn’t sing in front of anybody. I would always sing at home. Every once in a while, my mom or dad would say, “Oooo, you sound good!” Then some of my friends would hear me and say,  “Whoa, you’re really good, we have to show so and so!” So my friends and family first validated me. Then once I learned to play guitar and sing at the same time, that’s all I started doing. I could feel myself progressing the more I did it. One time in the fourth grade, we had a Mother’s Day thing at school, and my teacher asked who wanted a solo, and all I can remember is really wanting it but being too nervous to ask for it. That’s the first memory I have of thinking I was a good singer.

How did you go from shying away from a solo in fourth grade to auditioning for American Idol?

When I was 16, I auditioned for American Idol. I registered online, went to the Bay, went into the stadium at two in the morning, fell asleep in the stadium, and then got woken up for the audition. We waited in groups of ten and we each got to sing for ten seconds. After my ten seconds, they were like, “Nope” and sent me home. Being 16 and having that be my first experience made me think that I wasn’t a good singer. A few years later when I got into college, I auditioned for The Voice. The same thing happened. I got to the audition, waited, and waited, and then they send me in with another group of ten people. I got ten seconds to sing and then they cut me off and said I was done. At that point I said f*ck reality TV (laughs).  I felt I had the talent but not the look they wanted so it was cool with me because I didn’t want to go on TV and pretend to be someone I’m not just to get an executive producer to say, “Oh cool let’s get her on.” I felt that if I was going to be on TV, I needed to be myself. I wanted people to love me for who I was and not who I pretended to be on the show. So a few years later…

Wait. How did you get the courage to try again?

Well, The Voice hit me up two years ago. A casting director hit me up and said they wanted me on the show. I went in for the first audition and I made it through to the second round. Then I made it to the third round. But you have to make it through the fourth or fifth round before you make it to TV. I didn’t make it that far so at that point I officially gave up on TV shows. Fast forward to early 2015 and American Idol hits me up. They invited me to try out for the last season and I was like “No. F*ck that.” Then I told my mom about the situation and she said, “Well you really have nothing to lose if it’s the very last season, what’s the point of not doing it? It’s not like it’s going to go on forever and ever. This is the last season, you have nothing to lose.” After she said that, I decided to do it. I had a Skype audition with the executive producers and I sang a Michael Jackson song with my guitar but the connection was like low-key bad. It was crackling and I thought to myself,  “ either they like me or don’t�� (laughs). They said they would let me know.

Wow. What was going through your head at that point?

It’s so hard to read producers so wen you hear the “We’ll let you know,” you really have no idea. The next day was my 21st birthday and I got a call from them right before I went to Vegas saying, “Congrats, you made it through to the next round”, and I lost it! I was supposed to go to an audition city where the judges were for the next round but they called me the week before and told me to skip that round and go right to the judges. It finally felt like things were going in my favor. At that point, all I had to do was make it to Hollywood. So I went in and sang. To this day, every time I watch the audition tape, I think it’s f*cking terrible (laughs). I was so nervous going in there. I was literally shaking. But after I sang a few seconds of a Beyoncé song, they loved it and let me through to the next round. Going to Hollywood was crazy. It was crazy because every time I would leave the stadium crying and thinking I was going home, I made it through to the next round. It taught me to stop telling myself I couldn’t do things and that I needed to push through.

That’s so crazy. Besides the exposure and platform, what was your biggest takeaway from the whole experience?

I got a lot of performance confidence. Now when I step on a stage, as nervous as I am, I can put on a front. Now I know I have to walk onto every stage telling myself that I’m the shit. There’s no other way to do it. I used to have hella stage fright. But I learned from myself, the show choreographers, and everyone else on the show that all you have to do is get up there, shake it off, and kill sh*t. After being on national television once a week, nothing really scares me.

When you came off the show and had a ton of new fans, did you feel the pressure to create more music/content?

Absolutely. I still do every day. I try to make my fans happy without letting social media run my life. There was a time when it was really tough. During and right after American Idol, I realized that people didn’t give a f*ck about my feelings. People either said things like, “Oh my god, loved your performance,” or “Wow she f*cking ruined that song.” After learning how to deal with that kind of attention, I decided to just focus on the positives. My fans are really important to me so of course I feel a need to make more music as soon as possible but I also I don’t want to rush it.

Let’s talk about your debut album SHIFT. It hit number two behind Bryson Tiller’s Trap Soul. Describe the feeling you had when you woke up and saw that?

It was crazy because the night it dropped, we were in my manager’s apartment constantly hitting the refresh button (laughs). The first time we looked it wasn’t even on the charts but the next time we looked it was at #80, then it was #60, and then it was in the 20s so we started losing our sh*t. It was the biggest deal to me since the album didn’t even have a label to help push it. We did everything ourselves so to see it move like that made us feel like everything was worth it. It was worth all the stress. The last week before we finished the album, we cut 5 new songs. We were going crazy to get it all done. So when we saw the album hit #8 all my fans on Twitter started going crazy too. It kept moving and when I fell asleep it was me, The Weeknd, and then Bryson. When I woke up the next morning, I was at #2, ahead of The Weeknd. It was the craziest feeling.

F*ckin Bryson Tiller…

Honestly, I wasn’t even mad at it. Trap Soul was so good; I was fine with it staying at #1. It was still the best feeling ever. Little things like that remind you to keep going. After that, I thought to myself, “okay, I made #2 on the first one, what’s the next album going to do? What will my next single do?”

Let’s go back to how you created the album. You said that you did five songs in the last week. How long ago were the other songs made?

Some of them are old because of my American Idol contract; I wasn’t allowed to release anything until the August after the show was done. But I already had some songs done because I had been working with this producer Midi Jones and this writer Jordyn. I’ve known Jordyn since high school and we’ve been working for a long time before Idol even happened. We already had some songs partially written and beats that I had adlibs on, so when I came off the show, we got right back to work. But in the last week, we didn’t have as many songs as I thought. We had enough for an EP but not enough for an album. So we knocked out four or five more songs.

What song on the project means the most to you?

They’re all special and when you make an album, every song is like one of your children. To me, the intro probably has the most feeling to it. To me, ‘Favorite’ isn’t the deepest or saddest song but it was the one I had the most fun making. The video was so fun to make too. Every time I perform it, it has such a great vibe to it. That one is my favorite off the album for sure.

At this point of your career, would you have done anything different?

I think about that a lot and I always tell myself that every single thing happens for a reason. Even the most annoying sh*t happens for a reason. Am I where I want to be yet? No. Do I have time? Yeah. Do I wish that I got kicked off in Top 8? No. I would have loved to go to Top 2 but the day I went home, I was asked to go on my first tour and that’s where I met my manager. Every little thing happens for a reason.

Who is on your Ones To Watch list?

Currently I’m a huge fan of Marc E. Bassy. I also love Nao. She’s so tight.

Now that your album’s been out for about five months, what are you focusing on now?

I’m already on some new stuff right now. We have some stuff coming out really soon. I have a song being released through Soulection. It’s a collaboration with a really talented producer/singer named Bowtye. I’m looking forward to dropping that. After that song comes out, I’m going to release a new single and video. I’m just ready to transition into my new wave.

Look out for new music coming soon from Avalon and listen to her debut album SHIFT here.