#i just want to relax

[kitty-x-kat]

I know it's not that serious.

But the first day all week I actually have time to play Xbox and fucking Xbox live is down and like...bro why.

[an-ace-on-the-case]

Sorry in advance for the angry rant

CWs: mentions of adhd meds (idk if that's a cw but I put it just to be safe)

Let me tell you about "gifted kids". Many people think that saying you are/were a "gifted kid" is a brag. They want to be a "gifted kid" because clearly it's so easy. But it isn't.

I am a "gifted kid".

Throughout all of primary school I coasted. I always passed all my assessments, usually with straight As. It wasn't challenging. I found it easy.

Then I started high school.

I'm in the extension class, often called the 'Smart Kids Class'. I've been in it since I started high school. We do extra work for all of the core subjects, on top of all of the normal assessments.

Year seven was awful. Way too many late nights were spent, finishing assessments the night before they were due. Many many mental breakdowns. My mental health declined. I had no confidence in myself, in my ability to do anything. I didn't think I was good enough, because it had been drilled into me since prep that failing academically was failing as a person. Sure the teachers had never outright said it but it was heavily implied.

It turns out that I had adhd. How could've guessed?

Year 8 was better, my adhd was medicated and I could keep on top of my work better. It was probably the best year I've had, despite all of the friendship issues. I could keep on top of work easily, I wasn't struggling anymore.

But then. Time skip to the start of this year.

The adhd meds stopped working.

I had built up a tolerence and I needed to up the dose. But the only appointment available was halfway through May this year. I just had to push through on my current dose.

It started again. The mental breakdowns about twice a month. Struggling to stay on top of work. Forgetting homework. Forgetting assessments. Procrastination. Everything I thought I left behind was back, and it was worse. I had some experience so I managed to get through it, but not unscathed. My mental health is shit. I have massive self-esteem issues. I have no confidence in any of the things I used to be confident in. I can't enjoy anything that is associated with school, which means I no longer enjoy drama. I don't feel like I can write anymore.

In the end, I went to the appointment. We're trying to decide which dose works for me best. But it's still so hard. The worst part is no one else seems to get it. Only about four other people in my class are (proabably) neurodivergent, and I'm not even great friends with them.

My life right now is a combination marathon, sprint, hop, and plate balancing. The marathon is to the end of the year, when I can have a rest, reset, relax. I also have to sprint, to try and keep up with all of schoolwork. But I have to hop, because it's so much harder for me to do the same goddamn thing my peers can do with ease. And on top of all that. I have to balance all my schoolwork, homework, extra-curricular activities, social life, self-care, mental health, and basic needs.

It's only term two and I'm already fucking exhausted.

But on the outside.

To everyone else watching.

I seem

fine.

So maybe

Just maybe

People who weren't/aren't "gifted kids" should stop wishing that they were.

[graunblida]

i'm gonna be away visiting family for a couple of days and then when i get back we've got a busy weekend ahead of us at my store for 4/20 so my activity will be kind of bonkers. don't expect much from me lol but i will lurk when i can!

[lenteur]

brain and eyes have been used so much today... don't ask me anything, i don't know.

[setteri]

Send me to Naxos to Dionysus so that I can drink wine with him and listen to his stories, including Bacchic crazy rites.

[rebeccakatherine]

Yes.

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

[notherpuppet]

💜💚💙 v. 🖤❤️💛

[qep0ermint]

[somerandomcockroach]

SNOW BOTS ARE BACK BABE, IF IT WILL BE LIKE THAT EVERY YEAR I MIGHT DIE ONE DAY OF HAPPINESS WHEEEZE (I mean, drawing them like that is so much faster, plus colors, plus snow, plus they all are alive, COME ON IT'S A DREAM) Go smooch @keferon and everyone who makes "everyone is happy" content wheeeeeze

[n0chanxes]

stepping away from dash

this new reblog shit is pissing me off and i don't want me pissy modd effecting my replies

[hinamie]

someone asked if i had ever drawn gojo with his scars, now i have :>

[magicspaceuncle]

I recognize that - if it had to happen that day - the way it did, place it did, and time it did couldnt have been more perfect even if I had planned it myself. But that doesnt make it any less heartachingly upsetting that it happened at all.

Veronica (my car) is in the shop again. The theory is that the hole in my exhaust pipe (1.5yr ago someone tried to steal my catalytic converter and bitched out before finishing the first cut, I havent been able to afford a new one or even to pay someone to weld the damn hole shut so its still just. There being annoying and making noise.) has been preventing the exhaust system from clearing out properly, and a carbon/whatever buildup on some intake valve somewhere is limiting oxygen and causing my engine to suffocate. Havent heard back from the mechanic yet so we'll see what they find during diagnostic.

Fml though. All I want to do is pay back everything I owe to friends/family who bailed me out during our move, pay the last of the bills from the old place, and move on so I can finally relax for once in my fucking adult life. But alas. Im not allowed to relax yet, apparently.

[random-hippocat]

I'm trying to watch YouTube in peace but for some reason I need to get up every two minutes

[happylilpumpken]

I am so tired recently, I don't have any energy to do work or even do anything hobby wise, like read a book or watch series.

And the most annoying thing is that I can't even sleep to fix the tired, so I am just continually shattered...

[yayll]

~ a little something about waking up next to Dazai, and he's unbearable as always ~

"I might just eat you alive..." He mumbles to himself, barely audible. His eyes are half-lidded, and he's barely blinked.

He's been watching you sleep next to him curled up like a kitten for the past hour, way past the time you usually wake up. He's the oversleeper, not you, and it makes him hyper aware of your bodily functions and if they're okay. He hasn't eaten properly in days, but you don't need to know that. He's rabid, and he knows he's being a total freak right now, but who will worry for you if not for him? He must rise up to be the voice of reason, the watchful eye that keeps you on track even if he can barely keep himself alive! He wishes you'd stay forever, where he could avoid his problems and take care of your every single need. He should be everything you need... He hopes. Then you'd never leave, and he would make sure to eat more, just for you. How perfect... selfish.

God, he just wants to crawl inside of you and make you his home, it's almost pathetic. You'd find him vile for the things he would do for you and your happiness, despite you already being so accepting of his dark past... You're simply heaven sent. He takes a deep breath, and lightly runs his knuckles down your jawline, as if carving them out of the precious material that you're made of. You begin to stir, and his pupils dilate instantly as he pulls back with anticipation.

"Mmm... Osamu..."

You murmur sleepily as your chest rises up and down ever so slowly. He's freaking out. It's bad for his health to hear the way you say his name as if it were a healing oath, a spell that only works on him.

"Wakey wakey~"

Dazai's propping himself up on one elbow, a calculating smile plastered on his lips as if he were in on something you weren't. You pop open one eye, and groan softly.

"You're up... early"

"Yes!"

"Why..." You yawn like the silly little thing you are. He gasps in mock offense, clutching his chest.

"Can't a fortunate guy like ME just be happy that we both live to see another beautiful day?!"

He winks, and boops the tip of your nose, this gets a muffled snort out of you that causes you to bury your face into the pillow. He's addicted to the rush of causing any joy in your life, it's disgusting. When you don't lift your face back up, he scrunches up his face, and reaches out to stroke a strand of your silky hair, but his intrusive thoughts win and he tugs on it as payback for possibly falling asleep again. He needs your attention, and you're sleeping? Insanity. You swat at him, blindly smacking his arm away.

Oh, how he loves that you're the only person who truly sees him past his myriad of theatrics.

"Oh my... a slap from you feels wonderful!"

He rubs his arm, and grabs the hand that swatted him, bringing it up to kiss the pulse point on your wrist. Feather like kisses, almost undetectable... until you lift your face up from the pillow, finally.

He gazes at you as he rubs his face onto your hand like a cat greeting its owner, purring as if he were starved for affection. For a moment, his gaze becomes more serious, detached, as if he were thrown back into a distant memory. He can't describe the feeling, but the way your hand feels against his cheek is a warmth he hasn't felt in ages. His eyes sting, and he blinks the wetness away before you can notice as he hears your angelic voice again. He's back to his usual self.

"Osamu... You're being annoying"

"You think I'm just annoying?~"

His voice comes out in a tender whisper, his mouth curled up into a mischievous grin. He's insufferable. He could be anything for you if you wanted it. Especially annoying! He almost drools when you roll your eyes affectionately at him, the coldness in his heart disappears as he leans in just a little, invading your personal space as always, eager to hear your reply.

"Amongst other things, yes..."

You flash him a sweet little smile, and it mends all that is wrong in the world. The pink in your cheeks is starting to turn red, and it sends him to the moon. He hums, slowly nuzzling himself into the crook of your neck, it's his turn to curl up. You run your fingers through his messy hair that tickles you, feeling the warmth of Dazai's breaths against the back of your ear.

"Hmm, do I look like a pillow to you?"

He can hear the smile in your murmur, and he pulls back from your neck briefly, peering at you through his messy bangs, those intense hazelnut eyes demanding your attention, and his voice drips with an aching devotion that oozes like honey. he moves his lips to your ear, and whispers.

".. You look like an angel to me."

He watches you self destruct at his painfully smooth delivery of a compliment, and secretly rewards himself for once again giving you another reason to never leave. He's got it all!

Romance, self deprecating humor, an inability to properly process his emotions and grief, but more importantly, an undying commitment to stay alive against all odds so that he may see another day of you in his arms... or you helping him change his bandages... or-

He's cut short by you grabbing the sides of his face and pulling him into the most sinfully delicious kiss known to man, and he could swear that despite all his efforts, this might be what ACTUALLY kills him.