#i just want to hear one conversation betweem them is that too much to ask

[stormoflina]

zero thoughts 💭

[claymorecut]

ONE STEP CLOSER

A GINTSU FANFIC

GINTSU WEEK // DAY 1

PROMPT: LOVE IS DIFFICULT WITH YOU

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A/N: Gintsu week is here and I'm finally writing this fic. I'm sorry if it feels rushed but I'll try to make a few changes later. College and internship is killing me but I'll try my best to write some good fics for this event. Hope you guys enjoy it! <3

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"Hey. Do you remember when we inhaled that stupid love smoke thingy back then?"

Late night meets were pretty frequent for them. It was almost midnight by the time Tsukuyo met up with Gintoki in Yoshiwara and well, just like any other time, they decided to spend their time together in a random rooftop. Their meeting sessions were not new at all. In fact, during the last few years, this had become quite a habit of theirs to spend their time together like this. And most certainly, they didn't mind spending their time together at all.

Tsukuyo smiled at the memory of that unforgettable day. How could she ever forget? "Yeah. What of it?"

"Nah. I was just wondering. You inhaled some of that too, didn't ya? And you bascially fell in love with me."

She could hear the clear amusement in his voice. Tsukuyo knew the moment he brought this topic up, he thought of teasing her because apparently she had "fallen for him" after inhaling that smoke which was a really interesting subject for him to tease her about. But in this case, she had the upper hand.

"Well, yeah I did." she admitted. "But at least I was sane enough to not sleep with old women and the Commander of Shinsengumi." And she got back at him.

The quick retort from Tsukuyo suddenly made Gintoki's face fume with unease. It was already dark and the only thing that could help them see a bit were the dim city lights and she was lucky enough to see the view of his flustered face clearly.

Tsukuyo could only snicker as she watched Gintoki cover his red face with one of his hands. "You didn't have to remind me that, woman." His voice was muffled and yet he sounded so embarrassed, it made her heart leap with joy. It wasn't always that the lazy, dead fish eyed samurai felt embarrassed and this was one of the moments she wanted to savour.

Taking a deep breath, Gintoki tried to get his composure back as he now turned to face her. Heavens knew how much he felt embarrassed after that day and if he was being honest, he actually felt like never showing his face at that place ever again. Even though he was still known as Savior of Yoshiwara, Sakata Gintoki felt like he had lost his leftover dignity on that day. And the woman right beside him was only confirming that fact.

However, Gintoki wasn't going to back down. Not like this. "Hey! You fell for my charms woman! That proves how much power Gin-san holds in his looks!"

"And you're back with your miserable comebacks." Tsukuyo sighed.

It was a pathetic comeback he knew, but he had to say something to protect his already lost pride. "Oh just shut up! Not only were all the women of Yoshiwara in love with me but the infamous Courtesan of Death fell for my charms!" Gintoki announced victoriously as he pointed back at her. "That's enough proof for me to say that Gin-san can steal your heart away!"

Betweem his loud laughter, her snickers halted. That day might have been a accident but she knew her feelings for him weren't. Tsukuyo knew this man in front of him was just miles away from her and honestly, she never wanted anything back from him. But as she heard him announce how she had fallen in love with him, the words only made her smile because that's exactly what had happened.

She was in love with him.

"Well, I take full responsibility for that." She replied honestly. "I know I fell in love you that day."

Her voice no longer had the same playful tone and as he heard her sincere answer, Gintoki could no longer laugh. He didn't know what it was but hearing her say "I fell in love with you" only made his chest a little tight.

Are you in love with me..?

"...Seriously?"

For a few seconds, none of them spoke. For all these years, both of them knew that there was always this...tension between them and it was just so unresolved, they could just die in frustration. So much was unspoken between them and yet, none of them ever dared to speak as if thinking they would only make things worse.

This was enough.

This is all I need.

But was it really all that they needed?

"...yeah."

Tsukuyo couldn't stop herself. But she should. "It was a love drug, Gintoki. Of course I fell in love with you after inhaling that."

This conversation was taking a different route and she had no idea how to handle the steering. She didn't want to lie but she just didn't have enough courage to confess the truth.

A small smirk appeared on his face as Gintoki drifted his gaze a little. "Yeah, right." He tried but he couldn't hide the slight distress in his voice. "Well, I did say falling in love is a pain in the ass. Especially when it comes to falling for me. There's just..too much to do."

"It's the same with me too you know."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

And there was silence again.

"Do you guys still have those incense though?"

But Gintoki decided to break it.

This caught her off guard. "...Eh?"

"I mean.." he was rubbing his neck. He was nervous. "you know we can check it a little and see how it works if we take a small doze of it. Maybe...the results...get different..?"

So, there was something, huh?

He was a strange man. Always living with his oblivious attitude and yet still understanding everything. Perhaps that's what made him this strangely charming man.

Hearing him admit such an obvious thing in such a vague manner suddenly made her chuckle lightly. Tsukuyo rarely chukles but in front of him, she might have shown these happy expressions more than she could keep count of. He was right, loving someone like him was difficult. But that's all the more reason for her to keep understanding him.

"We threw all of that away, don't you remember?"

It was her chuckles that lightened his mood a little and now that she reminded him, Gintoki's face was red again. "Oh, yeah. Yeah I forgot."

"Pfft. It's alright. I didn't know you wanted to try that love incense again."

"Well...I thought it was a good idea with um... Ah, nevermind. Just forget about it Tsukki!"

The discomfort and tension between them was no long as the two once again started to talk in their usual manner. Tsukuyo could just smile back as she saw the man once again smiling genuinely. "Let's go. It's getting pretty late now."

Gintoki nodded "Yeah. Let's get back."

They walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence before they finally reached the exit gate.

"Good night then." Gintoki said.

"Night. See ya later." Tsukuyo said her goodbye as she turned around to get back to the city. But suddenly, she felt a hand grasp hers.

Surprised, she turned around to look at the hand holding hers and then found Gintoki looking at her as she matched his gaze. "I think we don't need the love incense."

Before she could even comprehend what he was saying, Gintoki pulled her close. His eyes were serious and for the very first time tonight, she felt her face growing hot. Her body was so, so close to his and it only made her heart flutter more. When they were at the rooftop, the lights were not as bright as this place and well, they didn't have an audience unlike the Hyakka members here. This only made her face grow mlre red in embarrassment.

"So my charms do work on you without any incense, huh?" Gintoki's face was only inches away as she saw him with his usual goofy smile. He finally got the upper hand now.

"G-Ginto-" her heart was racing as Tsukuyo felt like she was back to the day when she inhaled the smoke and finally came to the realization that she was in love with him. Even looking at him now made her heart flutter and she just felt like hiding somewhere.

She saw him closing towards her left ear, his breathe tickling her a little. "No more pretending." And he finally whispered it.

With that said, Gintoki let go of her hand as he took a few steps away from her.

Tsukuyo's face was so flushed she just wanted to cover it all up in an instant and run away. "W-what are you s-sayin'?" And goodness, she was stammering now!

Gintoki just smirked proudly at her reaction. This was the one thing he had been dying to look at all night. "You heard me, woman. No love incense, no stupid games. The whole love thing might be difficult but if it's you, I'm ready to take the risk."

Turning around, Gintoki finally decided to take his leave. "Next time, it your turn to say it!" She heard him calling her out before turning around the corner.

The loud cheers from the Hyakka members around did not matter as she could only hear his words in repetition over and over again. Tsukuyo just stood there, surprised, flustered and happy, thinking what she'd gotten herself into. Shaking her head lightly, she felt her lips curve upward as she whispered "idiot" under her breathe.

She was in love with a lazy bum and he felt the same way too.

He didn't even say "I love you" and yet he was asking to say that to him next time? He was such a bastard and she was literally an idiot for falling in love with him.

Seriously, Tsukuyo was not used to such conversations or confessions. And she was pretty damn sure that he had no experience in this field too. But no matter how much she denied it, she could no longer unsee the fact that he just stated in front of her.

Maybe love for them was too hard to handle. And maybe that's why, they decided to wait so long so one of them could finally make a move. Maybe it was always there. Maybe, it was just them who kept on refusing what the other might have felt.

But whatever it was, it was now very much clear.

[the-council-of-new-york-vampires]

Priya and Amy being sweet to each other is so cute. I hope you continue it

Out of Character:

Definitely! I’ll continue it right now. :D

…Just wrote it and… This shit is meaningful as hell. I just wanted to write a bit, but… w o w.

It’s not so sexy, but it contains explicit language. Know Priya’s backstory, and I promise you won’t regret reading this…

It was an hour later that Priya woke up.

Amy sat by her side, smiling. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

Priya’s eyes widened. “It’s morning?”

She chuckled, told her, “No, it’s still evening. Then again, I didn’t know vampires needed sleep at all.”

Priya shook her head, slightly perplexed. “They don’t.”

Carefully, Amy’s finger stroked her cheek. “Do you remember what I said to you before you fell asleep?�� Her voice was quiet once again.

Priya looked at her… and grinned. Even after their romantic night together, her smile had something predatory.

“I mean it,” Amy whispered.

“I appreciate that,” Priya just said.

Amy looked at her for a long time before asking, “…You don’t say it back?”

“I’m not fake.”

…She couldn’t help but feel sad.

Priya placed a hand on Amy’s shoulder and explained, unusually serious, “If I love someone, I let them know. Then again, I told you how I feel about that word. So, no guarantees.”

Amy bit her lip, nodded, understanding. “I can’t force feelings that aren’t there.”

“Maybe they’re there and I don’t know,” she said, shrugging. Priya was surprsingly cool… careless, maybe?

Amy nodded. A bit more distant than before, she stated, “I hope… Maybe you learned that sex can be intimate and gentle and not rough or degrading.”

“Amy, darling, please. Don’t think you can teach me anything about sex. I know everything.”

“But did you know this would feel so good?” With that, she had her.

“…Sure.”

Amy grinned. “What did you say about not being fake?”

Priya nudged her playfully. “Shut up. I’m the realest bitch.”

Amy chuckled. This almost felt like a relationship.

Priya admitted, “It was nice enough.”

“I will treat you gently, forever,” Amy proclaimed. “As long as you let it happen.” She said that with a certain warmth in her voice. “Because I feel it does you good.”

“You can’t do it forever anyway.”

‘As long as I love you. And that’s forever.’ Damn, how cheesy that sounded… Too cheesy to say it.

“Mortals don’t live forever,” Priya noted.

For a longer time, Amy was quiet. “I don’t even know if I’d want to get Turned. It was never an option, really.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Amy shrugged, remembering again just how special she felt for being able to say ‘Priya Lacroix is actually interested in me.’ “Being a vampire grants you so many perks. But there are also things you have to give up.” She thought about it, and chuckled. “You’d never understand, but… I think I want children someday.”

Priya said nothing.

Then again, Amy laughed. “I bet you hate them.”

“Mhm…”

“They don’t really go with a glamorous lifestyle,” she joked. “And you wouldn’t want to give that up.”

“I can’t, anyway.”

Amy raised her eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Have kids.”

She nodded. “Yeah.” For the fun of it, Amy said jokingly, “I bet it’s better that way.”

Priya’s stare was cold. As if she was actually offended.

When looking at her, Amy’s smile left her face immediately. “I… Sorry. That’s cruel. You could be a great mother. I don’t know you enough to judge.”

“That’s right. You don’t.” The warmth was gone. “Actually, you don’t know shit about me.”

Amy’s eyes widened. She was suddenly afraid, sad… hurt. “Priya…”

“It’s kinda funny how every asshole judges. I’m so cruel and rude and I’m a horrible person and whatnot. These people… It’s them who I’m coming for first.”

“I… never meant to judge you. I’m sorry. Hell, you might be a better mom than me. You’re loving and mature and capable. I’m dorky as hell. I don’t have half of the experience you have.”

“Mhm.”

Amy grinned, trying to bring back the positivity she usually felt around Priya. “I love how you love your dogs.”

“My dogs are my babies.”

She chuckled. “I wish I was one of them. You’re be a great mama.”

Somehow, Priya didn’t find that too funny.

Amy felt the awkwardness, the coldness betweem them. She took her oversized pullover off to reveal her body, undressed. She lied down next to Priya, the blanket covering both of them. It was quiet until she mumbled, “I could lie here with you and talk to you forever…”

“Am I that interesting?”

“Absolutely. After all, I want to get to know my future wife.”

Priya laughed…

…And Amy was glad. This was Priya’s kind of humor. Babies just seemed to be a taboo topic with her…

“Ask me something nasty.”

Amy thought… and kissed Priyas forehead. “What’s your favorite type of hug?”

Again, Priya laughed. “I hate you. You’re boring as hell.”

“I just think sex isn’t the most important thing in life.” She grinned.

“Having fun is.”

“That sounds… more acceptable.”

“Who cares? Some people should just get their heads out of their asses.”

Amy chuckled. “You know, I… I’ve met quite a few vampires. I learned that many of them are hot. I mean, let’s exclude The Baron and Lester, because they make me gag.”

“They make me vomit in my mouth.”

She laughed. “I learned that vampires must love sex, since… their senses are heightened. Things feel more intense. And that makes sense. Yet, I haven’t met a single vampire as obsessed with sex than you.”

“Pff. They’re just sneaky with it.”

Grinning, she asked, “Are you sure?”

“I guess? It’s just… You know… I collected a lot of shitty experiences regarding the topic. Then I got Turned and I thought… Time to take what I want.”

“Shitty experiences for you would be… Girls in sweatpants. Or men with average dick lengths,” she joked.

“No, like real shitty.”

It was then that Amy understood this was serious. “Oh… Sometimes, talking helps.”

“Yeah, no, nothing really helps.”

“Have you… seeked help? Talked to someone who loves you? I mean… I know it can be difficult. But it’s often for the better.”

Priya sighed. She didn’t seem particularly annoyed. Rather as if there was a heavy weight on her shoulders. One she had been carrying for centuries.

Amy pulled her close. “Shhh,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”

“I’m alone.”

“No. You’re never alone. You can talk to me.” She thought about her words, then added, “I swear, you can always fucking talk to me.” Amy meant this. Nothing more than this.

For a minute, Priya was quiet. She felt Amy’s hand caressing her back. They were naked, together, but nothing about this was sexual. She felt a weird feeling in her throat… as if she had to confess. “Fuck, Amy…”

Amy kissed Priya’s cheek, assured her, “If you don’t want me to know, I respect that. Priya… I respect you so much. It’s just that I know what it feels like to not talk about something, letting it break you. It sucks. And I don’t want that for you. Because you’re an amazing person. You don’t deserve to feel this way. No matter what people say. You’re right; they judge. And they don’t know you.”

Priya sighed. She looked at Amy, taking her head off of the young woman’s shoulder, and asked, “Do you know the sex trafficking industry?”

Amy froze. “Yes.”

“Well… I know what that’s like.”

“Were you…?”

“Yeah.”

Amy was silent. Then she said, “No…”

“Yeah.”

“Priya… I don’t want to believe this.”

She was cold as ice. “Do you think I want to believe that shit?”

Amy was in tears. “No… No… No. I don’t want this. Please… Don’t tell me that’s true.”

Priya smiled, her eyes teary. “Shit. I forgot it was that bad.”

Amy covered her face with her hand… and let the tears fall. She hugged Priya ever so tightly… and cried with her, together.

Eventually, Amy found herself on top of Priya, a blanket covering two women whose faces were wet from tears. She cupped Priya’s cheeks and whispered, “I swear… If anybody fucking hurts you…”

“So many people fucking hurt me.”

“They’re dead. They’re all fucking dead. And if not… I’ll kill them myself.”

“I went through so much shit.”

“For how long, Priya?”

“Eight years.”

“You started when you were…”

“Sixteen.”

“…I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry.”

Priya rubbed her eyes, acknowledging that her makeup might as well be worth getting ruined - just this once. “I’m not even angry anymore.”

“This is a crime against humanity. You were a child.”

“Well, I was a girl.”

“Were your parents cruel?”

“Nah… My mother tried to do everything to provide for us and stuff. Call me stupid, but I’m kinda thankful. The women in my life were strict as hell, but I don’t blame them. They went through the same shit, after all. It went on for generations.”

“And your father?”

“Don’t know who.”

“Oh… Right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I hate him. No matter who he is, he is a fucking rapist. All of them are.”

“Maybe… Maybe he would have loved you. You’re very loveable…”

“No one loves a daughter.”

“Priya…”

“It’s true. It’s a man-made system. Literally.”

“…Damn. After all you went through… How can you look men in the eyes?”

“Honestly? I have no idea.” She laughed. “Sometimes, I call one of my toys, and I say ‘Down!’. And he looks at me all sorry and shit. And I order it again. He gets on his knees before me. And I kick his balls so good. With heels on.”

“…Ouch.”

Again, she laughs. “His screams don’t make up for what I went through.”

“I can imagine… But we live in a different system now. Men are… different.”

“‘Let boys be boys.’ God, when I hear that, I cringe.”

Amy faced the ground… and nodded. She wiped her tears away.

“One time, I got pregnant. And I thought: ‘Shit’.”

It was then that she gaped. “What?”

“You bet I had no idea who her father was. And I thought… Damn. That’s it. I’m continuing the cycle.”

Amy felt the sadness coming back up. “Was it… a girl?”

“I like to think it was.”

She thought back of their recent conversation… and it hit her. “Priya… I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were pregnant as a human.”

“Me, pregnant… You’re right, it sounds ridiculous. I wouldn’t even believe it myself if I didn’t know for a fact it’s true.”

“Did you… have an abortion?”

“Hm… More like a miscarriage.”

“Oh, shit… I’m sorry…”

“The worst thing wasn’t even that I got pregnant. The worst thing was that I actually wanted her. Not in the first place. I was at my lowest. But I got used to the thought, however that worked. I don’t know. All I know is I was ready. And then I lost her.”

And again, Amy was crying.

“I thought life fucking hates me. Life must be a man, I thought. And you better believe I hated that motherfucker back.”

Amy did the only thing that felt right. She hugged Priya, kissed her… “I love you.”

Somehow, Priya grinned. “Damn. One tragic lifestory and every bitch is at my feet.”

“Priya, I want to fight the world. With you. It’s us against the rest.”

Priya chuckled. “Are you on crack?”

For the first time, Amy laughed. It felt like medicine to a wounded soul. “I’m sad as hell, okay?”

“Time heals all wounds, I guess. At least, that’s what smart people say. It turns wounds to scars. Like, I can talk about it and… not lose my shit. I can be fine. At least, kinda.”

Amy lied down, her head on Priya’s chest. “Are you glad you spoke up?”

“Somehow, yeah. Unless you’ll choose to fuck with me up with it.”

“Never.”

“Well,” Priya said, “it’s not like I wouldn’t kill you.”

“I wouldn’t even be offended if you killed me.”

The two of them laughed.

“Priya?” Amy then asked.

“Sup?”

“Are you… often dating?”

“Not really. I mean, nothing serious these days. I have my toys and that’s it. I seek new ones, and sometimes… Sometimes I break them. But that’s all. No romance and shit like that.”

“…These days?”

“Yeah. I kinda stopped taking it serious.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s like… responsibility. And… I mean, in a relationship, people are supposed to be equal. I realized that doesn’t work.”

Amy was silent. Then she said, “You’d be equal with me.”

But apparently, her voice was too quiet. Priya continued. “I really thought it could work. One time, I was at a sex party with Vega and-”

“Vega?”

“Yeah.”

“Senator Vega?” Amy couldn’t believe it.

“You’re cute when you’re surprised. Anyway-”

“Don’t tell me The Council threw a sex party.”

Priya laughed. “Ew, fuck no. It was a private thing back when we were dating.”

“I… had no idea you were dating him in the past.” Somehow, that changed her perspective. On both of them. A match made in hell.

“1920s. Wild time. Anyway. I was having the time of my life at that party. It was so good that I collapsed.”

Amy gaped. “What the hell?”

“It was great. Damn, I was exhausted. I felt high as hell. Somehow, he stood before me and I just gave him a blowjob. I don’t know if I wanted it at the moment. But he wanted, and I didn’t think. And he cupped my cheeks and pulled me close and I just did it.”

“Uh… Okay…” Another person Amy could never look in the eyes again…

“A moment later, there were a dozen guys surrounding us. And they watched us and jerked off, close to my face and shit. And I was kinda thinking ‘Excuse me??’. I tried to pull away, but he kept me in place and I could tell he was totally enjoying it. He was in control at the moment and he took advantage of me, showing off to all those assholes. And I didn’t want it. Later I realized he had made me feel the exact way I’ve felt all these years. Used.”

“…Wow. I hate him so much right now.”

“Don’t. He’s a fun guy. He was the only one who believed in me, that I could be a famous designer and shit. I owe him a lot. Plus, we had a friends with benefits thing going on for some time. I don’t hate him one bit.”

“But that’s not okay. He was putting his ego over your needs. Have you ever talked to him about it?”

“When the whole thing was over, I said I was exhausted. Seriously, I couldn’t even walk. He picked me up and drove me home.”

“And that’s it?”

“When we woke up afterwards, I told him it was fucked up. And he didn’t even know what I was talking about. So I described it and he said he hadn’t known I was uncomfortable at the moment. I told him that I was and that I didn’t enjoy it, and he apologized and said he wouldn’t have continued if he had known. And then he changed the topic, and I just took it as answer. I was okay with it. We did more fun things and never talked about it again. But it kinda stuck with me.”

Finally, Amy looked Priya in the eyes. “…I would never treat you like that.”

“You’re not a man.”

“Don’t you date women?”

“Not really. I figured dating isn’t really my thing. I think women demand more attention than men. I’m not one to give so much… rather receive.”

Amy looked at Priya in a way that expressed more than words ever could. Simply, she said, “I’d treat you like a goddess, Priya.”

After a silent moment, Priya grinned and said, “I am one.”

“You truly are… Sometimes, I look at you… And I’m just speechless. Like, how could someone be this damn beautiful? Inspirational, even.”

Priya smiled… and the predatory streak was gone. “I didn’t tell you these shit stories for nothing, Amy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you make me see the world in a different light. We talked… And I feel brand new. Like… There’s something I wanna try.”

Was that a hint? Amy took a breather. She had to fucking ask this. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Priya was quiet. Then, she said, “Fuck yeah.”