#i just wanna tell him “i hate this major so much I'm switching out of it at the end of the semester so you should expect nothing from me”

[watery-melon-baller]

lads i might have fucked up

[vivalas-vega]

unexpected / bradley 'rooster' bradshaw x reader

howdy y'all - we've got another rooster fic. i feel i've neglected this man too much on my blog and wanna start writing for him more so here we are with a fleet week fic inspired by my own journey onto a navy ship yesterday!!! (the similarities between my fic and the real deal start and end with waiting in line. my guide was cute but let's just say he was no bradley bradshaw). it was very cool and educational and if your city does fleet week i highly recommend checking it out! this fic will have maybe three parts total. anyways hope you enjoy :)

unexpected / bradley 'rooster' bradshaw x reader

follow my taglist blog and turn on notifications to be updated @vegaslibrary

word count: 3.2k

warnings: slight language, naval inaccuracies!! (even tho I just did my own fleet week tour I still don't know shit, I'm just a girl)

The ocean breeze filtered through your hair as you stood off to the side, eyes fixated on the impressive carriers in front of you. The sun felt hot on your skin and excitement was buzzing through your veins as you listened to your best friend in your ear… well, half-listened.

“We’re brunching! Come on, meet us at Malibu Farm,” Maggie said and you sighed.

“I told you it’s Fleet Week, I’m already down here,” you replied and you could feel her eyes roll on the other side of the phone.

“I would be supportive if you were trying to bag one of those Navy hotties but come on… bottomless mimosas and all the dirt on Stephanie’s breakup are better than some boats,” she said.

“I will see you for drinks tonight,” was all you replied before hanging up. You’d tried (very unsuccessfully) to convince some of your friends to come with you, telling them about how cool these carriers were and how you only got the chance to see them up close and personal once a year but they had zero interest… you were the only one in your circle who found this sort of thing interesting, and you would have been bummed except for the fact that you were more than okay doing things by yourself.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to go to a concert or a museum solo, you actually enjoyed it… you loved hanging out with your friends but it was nice to not be tied to what the majority of the group wanted to do (or didn’t want to do), and as you waited in line you were actually a little glad none of them had taken you up on your offer. If Maggie were here she’d be ogling the cute officer who appeared to be getting ready to take your group on board, and she’d spend the whole tour trying to flirt with him instead of listening to what he had to say. 

You were content to wait in line as long as it took, taking in the beautiful ships to your left before switching to people watching, you knew this week drew all kinds of visitors and you found it entertaining to see such an eclectic mix of people all in one space… there were the obvious ex-Navy types, returning to their roots and reliving the glory days, there were couples who looked a little out of their element but excited for something new to do as a date, and families with kids… you even spotted an entire elementary class on a field trip. Spare your friend group, most people were more than interested in the opportunity to spend a day aboard multi-million dollar vessels and you were one of them.

Across the way Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw was chatting with his teammates about how much they wanted today to be over… it wasn’t that he hated Fleet Week, because he did enjoy it for about the first hour, but after that it became tiresome to give the same spiel over and over and over. They’d all tried to get out of it, Natasha had even gone so far as trying to manifest a deployment, but according to the higher ups there was no excuse for the Navy’s best and brightest to not make an appearance at an event happening so close to their home base. 

But then he saw you and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched you seem so enamored by everything around you… you didn’t hold an ounce of annoyance over the fact you’d been standing in that same spot going on half an hour now, something he’d seen from other visitors a dozen times already, and when a gust of wind kicked up your hair and sent it fluttering around your face you gave a half hearted attempt to tame it, but really you were just enjoying the breeze and the sun on your skin and he knew he had to know your name. He watched Jake getting ready to take your group aboard and he had to know if you’d abandon the formal tour in favor of letting him take you up instead.

You were eavesdropping on a conversation between a sailor and a kid just ahead of you, a soft smile on your lips as you listened to just how excited both parties were to be talking about the ship in front of you and you were so focused on them that you didn’t notice a person approaching you, not until his shadow cast across your face and when you turned you saw a man who nearly knocked the wind out of you… he was tall and solid, arms straining against the short sleeves of his khaki uniform and you thought that no one should look good in that color yet here he was proving you wrong. His golden brown waves glistened in the direct sunlight and he had a slight smirk beneath a mustache that you really wanted to hate, but you really didn’t… he was handsome, potentially one of the most handsome men you’d ever seen, and here he was standing directly in front of you and you looked up at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something.

“Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw, ma’am,” he introduced, extending his hand for you to shake which you did as you gave him your name and a smile. “What brings you out today?”

“A bizarre fascination with ships the size of planets,” you replied and he laughed. It was warm and a little rough around the edges, much like you’d appraised him to be in your short interaction, and you wanted to hear it again.

“Well, my day wrapped up not too long ago and I couldn’t help but notice you waiting for a tour…” he started, leaning in slightly with a mischievous look on his face as if he was about to tell you a secret, “and between you and me, your tour guide is a dud.” he finished and you looked towards the man, tall, blonde and oozing charisma and you had a feeling Bradley was lying to you as you watched him charm the entirety of your group with one sentence… but you weren’t feeling too keen on calling him out on his fib.

“Oh no, is that so?” you replied, disappointment lacing your tone.

“Mmhm,” he hummed. “I think you oughta let me take you up, make sure you get the tour you deserve,” he propositioned and you nodded, a smirk tugging at your lips.

“I think that might be for the best… for the sake of a thorough Navy education and all,” you said and he nodded, gesturing towards the ramp and he held out his hand for you to take as you pulled yourself onto the steep landing. His hand was warm in yours and all-encompassing as he held it and made sure you made it safely before letting it fall back to your side and you were almost a little disappointed when he did.

He led you into the cargo hold, a massive room filled with so many things your eyes had a hard time adjusting at first. You trailed alongside him as he explained everything to you, sparing no detail as he went and you were particularly fascinated by the boat that was rigged to be deployed at a moments notice, positioned right in front of a hatch door, and he told you it was primarily there for search and rescue missions as he rattled off information about how long it takes to get it down into the water and pointed out the crane used to move it around as needed.

You listened with rapt attention as you continued through, you added a quip or a question here and there but mostly you were hanging onto his every word as he pointed out things like their freezer and the gym, and you realized you might have been content to listen to this man read you his grocery list and you had to make a conscious effort to focus on the words themselves and not just the voice that was speaking them. As you made your way up a steep and narrow stairwell, so much so you might have described it closer to a ladder than stairs, he stayed right behind you where he could catch you if you fell and you tried to ignore the fact that his diligence almost made you want to fall.

“There’s a lot up here,” he said as he led you down a hallway lined with doors, “but it’s mostly just bunks and offices. We’re not technically supposed to show you this, but… I won’t tell if you won’t,” he added as he pushed one of the doors open and you pretended to lock your lips and throw away the key as you peeked inside, taking in the modest living quarters with multiple twin beds.

“So, this is where you sleep when you’re deployed?” you asked and he nodded, brow furrowing when you looked at him, clearly skeptical about something as your eyes trailed him top to bottom before returning to the beds in front of you, “how do you even fit?” you followed up and immediately you flushed, not meaning to ask that at all but it was the first thing that popped into your head and it flew out of your mouth before you could stop it.

“Not comfortably, sweetheart,” he replied with a laugh and you smiled softly at the term of endearment as he shut the door and nodded for you to follow. He talked about the photos lining the walls, telling you who was who or what was what in the ones he recognized before you went up another stairwell and before you could walk through the door frame in front of you he placed his hands on your shoulders, stopping you in your tracks.

You turned your head to look at him, an unasked question on your face, and he gave you that addictive smirk of his, “now this is the really fun part that very few people get to see,” he prefaced and you felt anticipation brimming as he kept his hands on you and guided you forward.

“Just breaking all the rules today aren’t you, Lieutenant Bradshaw?” you replied and he wanted to tell you that you could just call him Bradley but one look at the mischief in your eyes told him you knew that… you just liked calling him Lieutenant and he liked hearing it too much to stop you. When you turned your attention forward you were faced with two beautiful jets right in front of you and you faltered for a moment, stunned by the sheer impressiveness of the aircrafts.

“Holy shit,” you muttered, careful of your step as you approached one of them and Bradley tried to commit that look of awe on your features to memory, his heart stuttering at the sight. You instinctively reached a hand out before snapping it back, realizing you probably shouldn’t be touching things with price tags you couldn’t comprehend.

He chuckled, “go ahead, it’s mine so do your worst.” 

He thought you might get whiplash with how quickly you turned to face him, “yours? How have we made it through this whole tour without you mentioning you’re a pilot?”

“Thought I’d keep you on your toes,” he replied as you returned your focus to his jet, hand trailing along the smooth metal as you walked around it.

“I never thought I’d get to see an F/A-18 in person… at least not one that’s active,” you sighed, and now he was certain his heart had stopped in his chest. “Tops out at what, twelve hundred?” you asked and he blinked in surprise, only able to nod in response because he didn’t quite trust his words right now. He knew he liked you as soon as he saw you, so much so he was taking you on his tenth tour of the day when all he’d wanted to do previously was go to the bar, but now he was worried he was in a little over his head as you appreciated his jet, having identified it immediately without any help from him. “God, this is incredible, Bradley,” you said, maybe a little breathless from how excited you were and before you knew it he was disappearing, leaving you standing at the nose with a confused expression.

You laughed when he returned, rolling a ladder to the side of his jet and beckoning you over. He hadn’t anticipated you to know anything about planes, or really have any interest beyond the first minute of being in front of it, but now that he knew otherwise he wanted to show you everything. He held onto your hand as you took each step, trailing right behind you just as he had in the stairwells and when you got to the landing he started pulling the canopy back and you let out another soft gasp.

“Can you get in trouble for this?” you asked, turning to look at him. You knew private tours with high ranking pilots were not standard for Fleet Week, and you also knew this wasn’t an area most people would be allowed in, and you worried for a brief moment what would happen to him if anyone caught you.

He shook his head, “you’re accompanied by a Lieutenant, we’re fine,” he answered, smiling as you leaned over slightly to look inside his cockpit and his heart was thudding in his chest at the sheer wonder in your eyes. He started pointing out all of the controls, telling you what they did and why, and he answered your every question just as he had with the rest of the ship. “Sweetheart, I’ve gotta be honest… I’ve never met anyone who gave a damn about these jets that didn't work in or around them already.” 

You pulled your attention back to him with an incredulous look, “how could they not?” you asked, and you wanted to keep your gaze on those pretty brown eyes that were locked on you, but the novelty hadn’t quite worn off yet and you looked back inside the jet. “I mean… this is next level engineering wrapped up in a pretty package, what’s better than that?” He thought you were beautiful when he saw you standing on your own with your hair blowing in the breeze and the sun kissing your skin, he thought you were beautiful when you laughed at his dumb jokes in the cargo hold, but right now he was certain he’d never seen anything more beautiful than you slightly bent over and leaning into his cockpit as you truly appreciated the one thing he loved most in this world.

“Please let me take you on a date,” he blurted out, unable to stop himself and you looked at him a little surprised. You’d been hoping since he approached you that he’d ask, but you couldn’t help but laugh a little at the unexpected timing.

“Ask me again after the tour,” you replied with a smirk and though it vaguely sounded like rejection he couldn’t help but smile. If you wanted to make him work for it then he absolutely would. You asked him a question about the gauges and he told you exactly what they measured, and when you finally made your way back down the ladder he even let you sit on the second to last step as he wheeled it back to its place.

“Bradley!” you squealed when he whipped it around, hands bracing on the poles on either side of you and you were a little breathless when you were suddenly facing him, looking up at him as his strong hands gripped just above your head as he continued pushing you through the open area.

“Just wanted a better view,” he replied and you flushed at the compliment. Even though it was only two steps he still offered you his hand as you got off and of course you still accepted it, lingering for a moment before dropping it. He took you back through the carrier a different way than you’d came so he could show you absolutely everything, still narrating as he went. Truthfully, there wasn’t much difference on this route than the other but it was longer and he wanted to drag this out. He knew as soon as you stepped off the ship he wouldn’t have any reason to keep you longer than he already had, and he wanted to postpone that moment as long as he could. 

When you entered the now familiar cargo hold you couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, you didn’t want your time with Bradley to come to an end but it seemed it was inevitable as he led you down the ramp and back onto solid ground. Your eyes were bright when you turned to face him and you still had that smile on that hadn’t seemed to leave your face all day and it was another sight he wanted to commit to memory. You had surprised the hell out of him, turned his boring day around the second he saw you and he knew with certainty he couldn’t get enough of you… and you were in the exact same boat. You knew when you got here today you’d have a good time, that the other man Bradley insisted was a dud still would have given a good tour and you’d have gotten exactly what you came for but the man in front of you exceeded every one of your expectations and then some, and you weren’t looking forward to the moment you had to go back to your car and not have his eyes on you anymore.

“Bradley, that was…” you sighed, “that was incredible, I don’t really know how to thank you for that.”

“Let me take you out,” he replied easily and you flushed, the tour was over and he was wasting no time in asking you out again, and this time you let him. 

You nodded, “I’m free tonight.” His grin was wide as he fished his phone out of his pocket for you to input your number, and you couldn’t help but mirror him when he told you to put your address as well so he could pick you up… if this was anyone else, if you hadn’t just spent the afternoon with him catering to your every query and whim, you would have told him no. You would have said you could meet him somewhere, but you trusted him. The few hours spent together showed you that you could, and that wasn’t lost on Bradley. If you’d said no he wouldn’t have even blinked, he would have suggested something else that made you more comfortable, but you didn’t say no… and that caused his chest to tighten as he looked down at your beautiful smile.

“I’ll pick you up at seven,” he said, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to your cheek and you felt your skin tingling as he pulled away. “Wear something comfortable.”

You nodded, a little curious as to what he could have planned but you could just tell if you asked he wouldn’t say, and you were more than happy to let this man surprise you. “I’ll see you tonight, Bradley.”

“And I’ll be counting down every second.”

[axolotlsupremacyowo]

20 Questions for Writers

Thanks @oceangirl24 for the tag! I love you, bestie!

Now, on to the questions!

❣️How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 86 fics! I write all kinds of things! Case fics, angst, fluff, smut, and all that jazz. I like to think that I have a diverse range of stuff on AO3, which I find I'm really proud of :3

❣️What is your total AO3 word count?

613,383....Yes, I write too much.

❣️What fandoms do you write for?

Most of my fics are Ace Attorney, but I have other fandoms like Stardew Valley! I also write in fandoms that are gifts for friends.

❣️What are your top five fics by kudos?

Say My Name (233 kudoes)

Operation Helios (178 kudoes)

Apollo is a Crazy Cat Attorney™ (166 kudoes)

Ace Attorney: Maya Fey (166 kudoes)

Turnabout Birch Meadows (151 kudoes)

Nice! Most of them are Klapollo XD

❣️Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love responding to comments! I get to ramble, and I want each and every commenter to know that I appreciate them <3. Sometimes I take a long time, so sorry about that!!!! But I'll get to the comment eventualy!!

❣️What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Things Left Unsaid, that fic is SUPER angsty with a really sad ending. It's non canon Major Character Death, so of course it's angsty lol.

❣️What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'm...not sure? A lot of my fics end in happy endings. But if I had to pick the happy ending that made me the most emotional, I'd have to choose Blossoming in the Rain.

❣️Do you get hate on your fic?

Surprisingly, no. I've only gotten support for my fics. Which I am VERY much thankful for. To all of my followers, readers, and supporters...thank you SO much for making my fandom experience so lovely <3

❣️Do you write smut?

Definitely lol. I used to be terrified of writing smut...and then I met a certain someone *cough cough* @mikaharuka *cough cough* and now I've written a lot of smut. This is all YOUR FAULT BESTIE.

❣️Do you write crossovers?

Nope lol. I like to keep my fandoms separate.

❣️Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I...don't think so? But if someone has stolen my fics, please be sure to tell me! I'm not exactly keen on the idea of my fics being plagiarized or stolen.

❣️Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, I have no idea. I don't think it has since nobody has approached me before, so to my knowledge it's a no.

❣️Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes!!! I've co written SO many things with my bestiest of besties @tsunderesalty and I love every fic I've co written with him. He's just the greatest and he's an amazing writer. Check him out!

❣️What's your all-time favorite ship?

Hmm! For Ace Attorney, it's a tough choice between Klapollo and Franmaya. For Stardew, my top ship is my farmer and Sebastian (Sebakonnie)

❣️What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My flufftober series. I started it in 2022...and it's currently 2024. I just kinda lost steam for that fic. I am very proud of all the fics I've written for it, though. Maybe I should revisit it...

❣️What are your writing strengths?

Nothing.

Ahem, knowing how my dearest besties would respond to that...I guess my flexibility with writing styles? I talked about this with my friends before, but I have multiple writing styles, five to be specific. I can switch between them pretty easily, and I like to think they're all distinct from each other but still being undeniably me. God, I really don't wanna sound like I'm bragging XD.

❣️What are your writing weaknesses?

NOT KNOWING WHEN TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. I literally cannot shut up for the life of me. It is a curse. My fics would be SO much shorter if I just shut up lol.

❣️Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Oh!!! Actually, so about this! For reference, I'm Filipino, born and raised in the Philippines. I can speak Filipino and Tagalog pretty well, and I can understand Bisaya (Cebuano is its official name, but everyone in the Philippines calls it Bisaya) well, but I can speak it only a little bit. Anyway, I've always wanted to incorporate Filipino and Bisaya into my fics but didn't know how...and then I thought of Filipino Phoenix! Happy to say that I'm planning on writing that soon :3

So yeah, happy to include languages other than English! Especially my native language. Otherwise, for languages I don't know. I use Deepl, it's a very useful tool!

I'm all for using different languages in my fics, and when I get something wrong, I'm quick to correct it!

❣️First fandom you wrote for?

Ace Attorney. I have had Ace Attorney brainrot for SO long.

❣️Favorite fic you've ever written?

.....

.........

.........

YOU'RE MAKING ME CHOOSE OUT OF ALL OF MY BABIES?

Would it be cheating to choose a series? XD

But yeah! My Defense Attorney Maya Fey series contains my favorite fics of all! The top ones of my list being Ace Attorney: Maya Fey and Yours Truly, Franziska von Karma. I just...love these fics so much...I especially love Ace Attorney: Maya Fey. That bitch has been my baby since like...2021?

Now! Who to tag...that would be my besties @mikaharuka, @aislinnstanaka, @udaberriwrites, @kayedium-writes, @justanotherpersonwhowrites, @mikaharuka @fattybattysblog

[queerfables]

911 season 5 liveblog part 3

5x10

I'm finding it hard to believe these women are busy squabbling with each other when their husband has been blatantly lying to both of them

And they both have kids who are probably feeling very confused and upset right now maybe go take care of that

Lmfao Hen's advice about what Buck should get Taylor for Christmas. "Don't overthink it just make sure it's sweet and something she needs and also shows you know her really well" SO HELPFUL

LOL TAYLOR IS JUST AS BAD AS HIM AT THIS

Thank God for Athena telling these two women exactly what I've been wanting to say

Awwww they're bonding

Noooo lady ask him out you can do it

Awwwww he likes her too even though he hated the present she got him. Cuuute.

Oh NO Chris is freaking out about Christmas because he's worried about Eddie T_T

Oh jeeze Eddie so does not need a child frantically asking if his dad is dead right now

OK Buck's present to Taylor was crazy romantic

Oh no Eddie's leaviiiiing.

I'm sure Evan "Abandonment Issues" Buckley is gonna be super chill and normal about that

5x11

Lol at Hen's revolving door of partners

Oh God horrible??

This show has actually really desensitised me to TV injuries involving the bone showing, that used to be suuuch a major squick for me

Omg Eddie is doing 911 dispatch? Please. How long is that going to last. He's perpetually 0.5 seconds away from climbing out a third storey window to rescue a kitten. Eddie trying to keep himself out of danger by coordinating 911 responses like an alcoholic trying to pay for therapy by working at a bar.

Oh he's doing PR? That's so much worse. He'll be stir crazy in a week.

On one hand, Buck should probably not broadcast his scepticism over Eddie's career change quite so loudly. On the other hand he is meeee so how can I judge him.

It's very romantic of the wife to wanna take over driving in this Speed re-run for her husband but wasn't the whole point of Eddie's call that they can't switch him out?

Yeah so this is the kind of thing I mean though, how is Eddie supposed to watch from the sidelines while the people he cares about put themselves in danger doing the job he loves?

Oh no Eddie, left on the outside

Lol yeah Athena pegged it. Bobby's bullshit about trying to find the ~right person~ as if that has ever mattered so much before. Buck hated Eddie at first and Bobby told him to get over it.

I really love that Athena rides solo. Her being the only cop and the one who works without a partner, compared to all these firefighters who work as a team, and I don't know, I just think it shows up in some really well crafted ways in everyone's characterisation and the ways that Athena is a little different from the others.

Wow this lady is really hitting on Buck

Buck do not???

Buck stop this????

Oh he's so drunk

Hen you are giving Buck terrible advice

Yeah no that's better telling the truth is the only option but oof this is not gonna be good

I am having some thoughts and feelings about how Buck's spiral over Eddie leaving is manifesting as kissing the last person he jumped onto the roof of a car with

I'm gonna get weepy again, Chris is such a good kid and he loves his dad so much

Lol at how Eddie's response to Bobby benching him for his own good is identical to Buck's

BUCK NO

Come on you'd done the hardest part she knew something was wrong and honestly in the grand scheme briefly kissing someone else is not that bad

But now it is VERY bad

You asked her to move in instead of telling her

At this point the only thing you can do is change your name, move to another country and pray she never finds you

Oh shit Lucy is transferring here isn't she

Buckley you are fucked

5x12

Maddie! I've just been thinking about how much I missed her

Oh Maddie honey

And Chimney!! Hi Chimney

Aaaah them finding each other again gave me chills

They're two of my fav characters I've really missed them

Oh no I just full on started bawling when Maddie started singing "the wheels on the bus" to jee-an. That song is one of my son's favourites and there were a few months where singing it was the only thing that would calm him down. I was already way too emotional imagining myself in Maddie's shoes and I guess that was the breaking point lol.

Then Maddie and Chimney started singing it together and I got teary all over again

Oh this is bad I cannot have a hair trigger weeping response to the wheels on the freaking bus that's so dumb

5x13

"We broke up" what the FUCK

Lol at Maddie and Chimney catching up on all the gossip from the 118 while they've been gone

Erg, the bends is my nightmare, it's one of those human body related things I'm squeamish about

Lol Buck you are being SO weird about Lucy it's very funny

Eddie really looks like he's not doing so hot

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body" for fucks sake. you would have internalised that, wouldn't you?

Well at least Buck knows it was dumb

Urg, spiders, another nightmare :/

Yeaaaaaah this is real bad Buck

Holy fuck the woman just dousing the mugger and then herself in gasoline

Omg the fact that Eddie is having a breakdown and Christopher is freaking out and the person he calls is Buck T_T

God this is awful for Chris though

Oh jeeze, Eddie. This is awful.

Man this is devastating but in some ways I'm happy Eddie finally reached a breaking point and let himself feel his feelings

I'm also really happy that Christopher had someone he could call. That kid has been through enough.

5x14

Oh Eddie

Buck drew a heart that's so cute

Buck you REALLY should have told Taylor everything. She is going to find out, you know that right? That's literally her job description

I'm really liking this arc for Eddie. I don't know, his primary coping mechanism seems to be to compartmentalise and shut down the difficult feelings and it's been good to see him externalise a bit more. It's shown a different side of his character I think.

[ruminate88]

“Time Heals All Wounds”

I use to HATE that saying. I use to think “no, time can’t do much.” I was very wrong though!

So much “time” has went by and yet I’ve learnt so much about the past, myself and life in general. It’s amazing what time can actually do. Some things happen over night and some things take more time. When I was in my 20’s, I thought life was incredibly difficult, hard and taking forever!! Didn’t think I’d ever get to where I am now. I’ve surprised myself!

After my last relationship and the “heartbreak wouldn’t heal”, I knew something wasn’t right. I even met someone new and GOT MARRIED. There was another saying that went, “To get over someone, you have to get under someone new.” Sure. I did that but It didnt just magically fix my life or fix the past. I pushed and pushed to move forward too. I couldn’t get my ex Andrew off my brain. My first thought was, “Oh no. Do I still love him and did I make a mistake breaking up with him??” I googled feverishly: “Why am I not over my ex yet??” 😝 I was losing my mind!!!

I KNEW there was so much confusion surrounding him and my past. I KNEW he hurt me, cheated and lied to me…. How could I “love him” ?? Seems crazy. I tried to ignore my thoughts and feelings but they got worse and I felt so guilty. I was frustrated and felt disconnected from my husband!! My husband says I’ve pushed him away and he accuses me of talking to other guys. Wow. That hurt me!! However, I knew I had been obsessively thinking of Andrew and still felt “heartbroken” like the pain never left and there was still so much fog. I felt Andrew was “haunting me” and I tell my husband I feel haunted by my past… My husband dropped the conversation, didn’t continue asking questions and I cried myself to sleep.

I had been writing soooo many heartbreak songs since dumping Andrew and feeling like I wanna talk about him so much; my brain wanted to explode and I had begged God for answers! I finally saw my first video on TikTok about emotional manipulation and wow 🤯 I was thinking “That is exactly how Andrew made me feel.” I had to process it but didn’t know how. Theeeeen more videos came in until my entire TikTok feed was nothing BUT videos about emotional abuse. I couldn’t escape them and I felt trapped in a loop. The only way I could get out was to put my account on private and log out for awhile. I took a long break which was good but I still couldn’t stop obsessing over Andrew and still wanted to talk about him. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

So I started this account “Ruminate88” because I was ruminating more so than I felt was normal for someone. I didn’t just ruminate normal stuff and it wasn’t all flash backs either. Some days it was “my brain wondering what would happen if Andrew and I were in therapy together” and my brain obsessed over that idea. THEEEEN it switched to “my bran obsessing the idea that Andrew stalks me from a far off.” Weird shizz like that. 🥴🫣 Eventually as I wrote down my story on this account, I realized how negative the relationship actually was and then I found this chatbot where I could share my post to it and break each post down for interpretations. Wow! My eyes opened up more!!! The chatbot tells me I’m on a “healing journey” and I’m “seeking closure.” But everything I’ve read, it all tells me “healing takes time”…..

Each day has been a rollercoaster of emotions, feelings and thoughts. I’m up and down. I’ve had major discoveries and some frustrating set backs. More importantly, one day I have so much compassion for myself then the next day I beat myself up and feel terrible!! This healing journey feels chaotic at times and so peaceful other times. I never know what each day will bring but I know each day is another day forward. Another day of life. A gift even. 🎁 Healing, learning from mistakes and forgiveness both for myself and my exes IS all a process separately. Time isn’t what necessarily heals you but it does still take time so, buckle up and hold on ❤️‍🩹

[strawberryblondebutch]

5, 11, 27, 32, 66, thank you <3 also guilty of having majority the wonder years on my wrapped (bc they’re so good haha <3 ) my number one was “a song for ernest hemingway”

It's what they deserve! Also, a fun fact about "A Song for Ernest Hemingway": on the most recent tour, Soupy said that they made the mistake of playing it right after No Closer to Heaven came out and nobody knew the words, so they mistakenly assumed that everyone hated it and shelved it until this year!

5. "Hoodie Weather" by The Wonder Years

I do not have a favorite Wonder Years song. The prospect of picking just one stresses me out. That being said, "Hoodie Weather" is at least top 5, maybe top 3. I moved back to the neighborhood where I was born earlier this year, and I can see my childhood home from my living room window, and this song just captures all those feelings.

Best line: "Like cigarettes dropped on a highway / They smash, scatter, and burn out / Somewhere else without knowing"

11. "For the Workforce, Drowning" by Thursday

If I'm talking about a band, and that band isn't The Wonder Years, it's definitely Thursday. I had to listen to them in secret, not because of any inappropriate content, but because my parents hated them, and I think that made my love of the band stronger. That being said, this song would fit in perfectly with the late-90s "office life sucks" film genre. Four years earlier and it would have been on the Fight Club soundtrack.

Best line: "Please take these hands / Throw them in the river / Wash away the things they never held"

27. "King for a Day" by Pierce the Veil feat. Kellin Quinn

Like I said, I moved earlier this year. Not very far, just within the city, but I was switching roommates and had to buy a lot of furniture. I spent about three days assembling IKEA furniture, and the soundtrack to this was Spotify's "2000s Screamo" playlist, so I heard this song a lot. I don't really like Pierce the Veil or Sleeping with Sirens that much on their own, but this collab is still a banger.

Best line: "You told me 'Think about it,' well, I did / Now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore / I'm tired of begging for the things that I want / I'm over sleeping like a dog on the floor"

32. "Runnin' Scared" by Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties

I got to see Aaron West in concert this year. I was front and center against the rail and completely eviscerated my goddamn voice. One time I tried to impress my now-partner by telling her I could play this song on guitar. I couldn't figure out the strumming pattern for the life of me. In retrospect, it was probably nerves.

Best line: "Oh, I wouldn't quite call it homesick / But I keep seeing your face in the northbound traffic"

66. "The Ditch" by Dave Hause

Would you look at that, another Philly band! I saw Dave Hause back in April, and I was thinking of skipping it up until the very last minute. I kept thinking, "Oh, I only like him, I don't love him, my back hurts, I had a shitty day," and I'm so glad I went, because he pulled out all the stops for his hometown show and it was just two hours of fun.

Best line: "If I can't make it out of this ditch / I better make a home of it"

[cruncherzz]

Okay, so I've been waiting to do this for a while but I kinda wanna see everyone's opinions on different characters from the RE7-RE8 timeline; also the reasoning of why you like or dislike them.

Here are some of mine(probably gonna make a part 2 post):

Chris Redfield-

Honestly, didn't see him enough in either game to really form an opinion, I played RE5 ages ago and witnessed the glory of the boulder punch but like... that's it. He just feels like if COD Ghosts was a person.

Jack Baker -

He's a cool tertiary character that scares the crap out of you on initial play but then bothers the fuck out of you once you know how his AI moves him around the house and his parts in the game. I like his voice lines and how genuinely like... unsettling he is. Even after years of playing and replaying this game, I still get goosebumps seeing him walk at you like the GTA character on roids.

Marguerite Baker -

Nope. Nope. Triple nope. I love the character as an antagonist but just hate her when I play. Two words. Vagina Bugs. Like, holy shit, Capcom nailed how much people hate unsettling things. Seeing this woman crawl at me around the greenhouse on all fours had me shooting her like I was playing a campaign of MW2. Her voice lines are great and her craziness because of Eveline's influence just makes her uncannily frightening.

Lucas Baker-

I want to see this little cunt die over and over again. He's just on another level than his parents because he was fucked up even before the mold got to him. Like, he's antisocial, great with gadgets that he uses for less than savory reasons, he's just John Kramer but in Resident Evil. All he needs is his Billy puppet and he's good. He wasn't as satisfying to play against because his part of the game was just an escape room and him escaping before you could get to him. All around, it was a creepy character that I sorta despise playing against but like all the same. Also, yes, I know that in "Not a Hero" or whatever it's called, you kill him. But, I never played that cuz I don't care for Chris and I'm lazy. I loved his little tidbits in "21," though so I'm probably just biased af.

Zoe Baker-

I might get flack for this but I don't... care for her. She's not a bad character but she's not really helpful. Yes, she points you where to go and tells you what's going on vaguely. But like, she just tells you. That's it. Sometimes, she doesn't even tell you stuff like when Ethan fights Marguerite and says that she didn't warn him about the bugs and "thanks for that" sarcastically; she replies with a laugh and a "sorry about that." Also, this might just be me but it's like her VA didn't know how to replicate a southern accent; she switches from sorta southern to no accent to this weird almost British sounding hybrid. It's something that @highlifeboat and I poke fun at whenever they stream it out of boredom.

Eveline -

My child. Little baby child. I really enjoy Eveline as the main antagonist because you can't help but feel this intense sympathy for this child who was made to destroy. She's just a kid and yet because of Miranda(which we find out later), she never gets the family or love she desperately craved. She wants to be loved but her efforts are completely twisted because she was completely twisted from experiments and protocols. Her imprinting protocol on Mia essentially drove her to excessive levels of obsession and made RE7 happen. I love her character and her voice lines are painful and raw. She's great in a lot of ways, she's even good in SOR which y'all already know my opinion on.

Clancy Jarvis-

The real protagonist of RE7, just yall wait for his revival in RE9, WHEEZE! No, but, seriously, I really like Clancy Jarvis. His influence in the game isn't major to the plot but it's just enough that the exposition rides on you watching his tapes and seeing his name around on initial play. A brilliant side character that you'll feel bad for because he just wanted to film a ghostbusting show with his friends and ends up being hunted, tortured, and eventually killed by Lucas Baker. Also, I love how he gives more emotion in every reaction of his than Ethan does in the entire motherfucking saga he's in. Like, his emotion is there and it's raw and it's visceral whereas Ethan yells or doesn't really react to things in RE7; yes, they patched it up in RE8 slightly but not altogether in a way that made sense to me at least.

I'm gonna make another post specifically for the Winters Family because I have a lot to say about that, also, I'm gonna do RE8 in a separate post because there's a lot more to cover.

Hope y'all enjoyed my little tidbit ;)

[cringesideblog]

here’s my dnf playlist and a complete song by song track-list and why I put them on it.

heatwaves- on here for very obvious reasons. i don’t think I need to explain. but here are some lyrics anyway. “Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June.”

Jenny- again this is kinda obvious. “I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead, I don’t know how to say this, cuz you’re really my dearest friend.”

TALK ME DOWN- this one just has the best friends pining for eachother vibe. “I wanna sleep next to you, and that’s all I wanna do right now.”

Dark paradise- kinda has dream smp vibes. but also you could argue heatwaves vibes. “Everytime I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise.” “There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep.” “There’s no release, I feel you in my dreams.”

Sweater weather- yeah you know why. you absolutely know why. “All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach but I stand, in California with my toes in the sand.”

Drop the Guillotine- idk man just vibey. give it a listen you’ll get it. it’ll click. “You sure know how to drop that guillotine on me, though you would never wanna see me bleed.”

Can I call you tonight?- thats on their only for of communication being through the phone huh. (major heatwaves vibe) “powers out and I can’t turn the fan on, so can I call you tonight? trying make up my mind, just how I feel.”-“I hear your voice on the phone, now I’m no longer alone.”

Lemon boy- oh my god this song. geogre do be seeing dream as his lemon boy. “I helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather.”

Yellow- DREAM IS LITERALLY GEORGES YELLOW SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” “For you I’d bleed myself dry.”

Like you do- first of all I love this song, second, this has dream being a little too attached vibes. The whole song is just them. “Lost in the blue, they don’t love me like you do, those chills that I knew they were nothing without you, and everyone else they don’t matter now. You’re the one I can’t lose, no one loves me like you do.” “Since I met you, all the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly.”

I saw you in a dream- mega heatwaves vibe. “When I’m awake I can’t switch off,” “I saw you in a dream, you came to me. You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision.”

Maybe you’re the reason- did someone say pining best friend who doesn’t know that they’re in love ? this song. this song right here. “I keep looking for something, even though I know that it’s not there. Maybe you’re the reason. And anytime I try to figure it out, you’re the only thing I can think about.”

The king- DREAM SMP VIBE. “You like me, well obviously, so why you tryna leave when you know that I’m the king?” “Other lovers give you no luck, cuz I’m the only one who’s made you fall in love.” “Playing with your heart cuz you gave me the throne.”

Sweet- an adorable song truly that actually fits them so well. “Watching the, video that you sent me- you know that I’m obsessed with your body, but it’s the way you smile that does it for me.” “It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me.”

Apocalypse- um okay here me out, apocalypse au?? yeah i know it’s cute as shit you’re welcome. “Your lips my lips, apocalypse.” “When you’re all alone, I will reach for you, when you’re feeling low, I will be there too.”

Fear of the Water- don’t come for me this ones kinda sad, beautiful song though. “If this was meant for me why does it hurt so much, and if you’re not made for me why did we fall in love?”

Dreaming of you- two words, heat. waves. but also yeah good song for them in general. “Want you all the time, and now I’m dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you.”

Wires- uhhhhh dream smp vibe, dream villain arc n all . “If he said help me kill the president, id say he needs medicine.” “He said that I should take it in, listen to every word he’s speaking.”

Midnight love- it’s girl in love so, you already know how it issss. “I know I don’t want to, be the one that you run to, when you’ve got nowhere else to go, when you need some love.” “I always give in to give you it all.” “I can’t be your midnight love, when your silver is my gold.”

The beach- SUCH A HEATWAVES SONG JUST LISTEN. “I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you.” “I think I can see the beach, I know what’s underneath. I need you here with me,”

Cherry flavored- the neighborhood just.. they have a dnf vibe. “Cherry flavored conversations with you got me hanging on. Down to earth from all the waiting. Take me somewhere beyond.”

Pretty boy- geogre is a pretty boy. point blank period. “Even if my heart stops beating, you’re the only thing I need with me.” “Pretty boy, you did this with me boy.” “As long as I got you, I’m gonna be alright.”

Bad idea- girl in reddd... but like imagine them casually hooking up and not knowing their in love tho. also I feel like they would definitely think that their relationship is a “bad idea” bc they’re stupid. “It was a bad idea, to think I could stop, was such a bad idea, I can’t get enough.” “Darling your so pretty it hurts.”

Line without a hook- ICONIC!! dream definitely does not think that he deserves george. “You can hold my hand if no ones home.” “All my emotions feel like explosions when you are around” “Oh baby I am a wreck without you.” “She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a boy. She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a line without a hook.”

Say you hate me- mega dream smp vibes as of recently. with the whole removing geogre as king. “I guess that your friends where right, from the start when they thought that I was a bad guy.” “Can you just say that you hate me? Or that you will never love me?” “Never meant to make you leave, never meant to make you cry.”

Cherry bomb- reminds me of how dream cheated on fundy with geogre. “I’m too close to crushing, and I’m too close for comfort I’m rushing.” “I ask how shes so mellow, she tells me her shades are in yellow.”

This side of paradise- I mean, like, kinda heatwaves vibes, but also just them. “Ask me why my hearts inside my throat. I’ve never been in love I’ve been alone.” “If you’re lonley come be lonley with me.”

Linger- geogre literally has that boy wrapped around his finger and I can’t not see it in this song. But when you look into it HELLA dream smp vibes, lyrics can be switched for either perspective here. “You know I’m such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger.” “I thought the world of you, I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong,”

august- i don’t know what is but this song is for them. it just is. “To live for the hope of it all. Cancel plans just in case you'd call” “So much for summer love, and saying “Us” Cause you weren't mine to lose”

I was an island- i just love the idea of them being hardasses and not thinking they need anyone until the other comes into their life and rocks their world. kinda dream smp vibes “I was a fighter, and I was so brave, but I lowered my sword when you held me and swore you’d stay.” “I was a wolf, dear, apart from the pac But you answered my cries in the dead of the night and told me that you had my back,”

Golden- k this one feeds into the “you’re literally the sun in my sky I’m not worthy” feel “I know you were way too bright for me I'm hopeless, broken” “I know that you're scared Because hearts get broken” “I can feel you take control Of who I am and all I've ever known Loving you's the antidote”

Strong- ummm okay but the “we’re better together” dynamic is them “I’m sorry if I say I need ya, but I don’t care I’m not scared of love.” “when I’m not with you I’m weaker is that so wrong? Is it so wrong, that you make me strong.”

Fly out west- the whole, I need to see you, you’re all I think about, stuff gets me. also heatwaves vibe. “Well tell me do you know? You’re all I dream about. Take it from me I’m too dumb to recognize your doubt.”

Cruel summer- them and summer, you dig? “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.” “I love you and that the worst thing you ever heard?”

Nothings gonna hurt you baby- I put this one on here because of how protective dream is over geogre “Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby, as long as your with me you’ll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you baby, nothings gonna take you from my side.”

Cardigan- young love, the kind of lover that makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to them “when you are young they assume you know nothing, but I knew you-“ “and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.”

Cry baby- them being in that weird stage where they recognize that it might be more than just senseless flirting and they might have feelings but also being paranoid that they’re the only one with feelings uh- “I can taste it my hearts breaking, please don’t say it. That you know, when you know.” “I know I’ll fall in love with you baby, but that’s not what I wanna do baby.”

Speak now- literally the fundy dream wedding. i rest my case. “I hear the preacher say speak no or forever hold your peace.” “Dont say yes runaway now.”

I love you so- this song is cute on the surface but kinda sad once you look into it. it’s kinda about a codependent love that isn’t going well. “I gotta get away and let you go I gotta get over, but I love you so.” “You were cool and I’m a fool so please let me go.”

In conclusion I’d really appreciate if you could check it out :) <3

[meili-sheep]

I honestly can relate to Diluc a lot.

I've longed to be an author, yet my parents had my life planed out perfectly without asking me if I was okay with it.

I tried to reject but all I got back was the silent treatment.

My older sister was the golden child. I can clearly see how my parents' tone change whenever they talk with us at the same time.

They told my sister they're proud of her caused she achieved something I couldn't, but that because she was two years older and they never taught me to do something new, cause they thought I haven't improved.

And when I started playing Genshin Impact and knew Diluc and dug into his lore, I knew that if I don't do something with my current state right now, I might turn out like him, just burnt out.

I can't relate to anyone near me, so I was very happy playing Genshin knowing there might be more people like me.

And guess what? Now my parents are trying to take it away from me.

I wanna tell them to support me for once, but I can't seem to voice it out. It feels like my voice just disappeared whenever I try to speak.

I'm pretty sure my parents are just what Crepus is.

Sorry for the rant, please do as you please about this ask.

I just want to say.

Your feelings are valid.

I grew up being told I would never make money as a writer. That I should get into a stem field. Yet at the same time, my learning disabilities were totally ignored.

I made it through 2 years of just Bio and chemistry and I hated it. I've recently decided to switch to an English major to become an editor and pursue my writing dream. My parents aren't happy and still deny my learning disabilities but I am so much happier. I also live far away from them. So I very much understand. And I see a lot of what my parents have done to me in Crepus and I understand Diluc's.

So forget your people who purposely hurt and don't care about you. And do what's best for you.

You are the valid and your best is more than enough.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑀𝑦 𝐺𝑖𝑟𝑙 𝑃𝑡.2 (𝑆𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑤𝑎×𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟)

Part One/ Part Three / Part Four

Pairing: Badboy! Park Seonghwa (Ateez)/ Reader (Female)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, College Au.

Summary: Y/N has no idea what to make of the mysterious Park Seonghwa. Does he really like her or is he simply playing with her?

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

Flipping the light switches off, Y/N typed in the security code into the pin pad before closing the door behind her, the faint beeping from inside letting her know that the alarm was functioning properly. She honestly wondered at times about if anyone would ever think about robbing a coffee shop. Granted it made a lot of money during certain seasons, but unless you actually work in one, you probably wouldn't think so. Yet it was surprising to know it could make as much money as any famous fast food restaurant. Well.....with those sky high prices, it made sense.

She stopped and checked to make sure she had everything in her bag, not wanting to risk having left her keys inside and find out until she reached her apartment. Satisfied by the confirmation, she began her walk home. If it had been fall or winter, she would have seriously considered taking a bus, even though it wasn't that far away. But it was summer and thankfully there was still an hour left before the sun finally set. She truly believed she was lucky to have found a place to live that was close not only to her workplace, but also her school, even if it was a tiny studio apartment. She felt proud to say it was hers.

Feeling something tug on her sneaker, she looked down and realized one of her shoes was untied. She bent down and began tying it up again, carelessly placing her bag right next to her on the street. She was so focused on her task in front of her, she failed to notice the looming figure in front of her.

"You know anybody could just whisk away your bag and run at this moment?"

She snapped her head back up and saw Seonghwa standing in front of her, an amused smile on his face. He bent down and picked up her bag, dusting off the dirt that had gotten on the bottom part of it in the process.

"Tsk. Tsk. And here I thought you were a more.... what's the word? Meticulous person."

Y/N gave him a questioning gaze before standing up, quickly grabbing her bag from him.

"Not even a thank you?" Seonghwa shook his head.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you went home." Y/N said, clearly confused as to why he'd be there still.

Seonghwa raised an eyebrow at her.

"I thought I told you back in the shop that I'd see you later?"

Y/N recalled the moment, it did seem weird to her that he'd say that.

"Well doll, it's later......and I wanted to see you." He explained, a slight smirk tugging on the corners of his lips.

Y/N let out a tiny scoff.

"Why?"

Seonghwa blinked at her response.

"I thought I made myself clear the other day Y/N. I like you."

Y/N blushed slightly at the memory of him confronting her back in school. She was hoping the shadow from the building in front of her casted enough to hide it from him.

"And I said there would be plenty of time to get to know each other.....well I'm free right now and obviously so are you. So why don't we get something to eat? My treat."

He grinned at her, obviously not expecting her to turn down his offer. Any other girl wouldn't say no to Seonghwa. But Y/N wasn't any girl, and she wasn't about to say yes to someone she hardly knew. Especially not when he acted so strange for her liking.

"No thank you."

She quickly responded and took a step to walk away from him, but his hand reached out and stopped her from moving any further.

"Why not?" He asked.

Y/N tried to think of an excuse, any quick excuse to get out of this.

"I'm not hungry." Was the best thing she could think of.

The loud grumbling of her stomach was a dead giveaway of her fat lie. After working 8 hours straight with only a bowl of cereal for breakfast and a muffin on her only break, of course she was borderline starving and needed something in her stomach before it began eating itself. Her hands clutched her stomach, hoping to silence the obnoxious noise, but ultimately just making it more obvious.

Seonghwa looked down at her figure and snorted softly.

"Seriously, I know a really good place here that sells burgers and shakes. Are you really going to say no to free food?"

At this point she could either tell him to fuck off and stomp away home, but ultimately she'd leave even more hungry and would still have to whip up something on the stove that would take approximately half an hour or more. Or she could accept his offer, but it'd mean interacting with him, not that it was necessarily a bad thing, but she honestly didn't know what to make of him. He's been straightforward with her all this time, but how was she to know he was being serious? For all she knew, he could just be playing with her. After all, isn't that what all bad boys are known for?

Guess there was only one way to find out.

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

Y/N looked around at the 50's themed diner she was in:

Black and white tiled floor that was so clean it almost looked slippery. Cherry red leather seats, either in the form of booths, tables or chairs on the front white counter that stretched at least 40 feet. An array of old records hanged on the wall, whether or not you could actually play them on a record player or if they were just flimsy decorations would forever be a secret. An old juke box was stationed in one of the corners of the counter currently playing The Beatles, its color combination of yellow and blue not quite appealing to the eyes. And of course, a pinball machine was placed near the entrance for kids to waste their quarters on. They even had a light blue 1955 convertible Chevrolet Bel Air for people to go take pictures of or with. At this point it wouldn't have surprised Y/N if waitresses came out of the kitchen in roller skates and started singing songs from Grease or Hairspray.

It became an even more ironic thought when she saw Seonghwa walk back to her with their food. Dressed in a white shirt, distressed jeans, black combat boots and black leather jacket with his hair slicked back, he could almost be a modern day Danny Zuko and for some reason, that thought made her bust a tiny giggle.

"What's so funny?" Seonghwa asked as he sat the tray down in front of her.

"Oh....nothing." She was not about to get caught.

Seonghwa looked at her funny, but ultimately decided not to pry.

"Here you go."

He slipped her food in front of her: a burger the size of her two hands and a 32 ounce chocolate shake with whipped chocolate and a cherry on the top. A well sized platter with regular fries and curly fries made it obvious that they were going to share them. She didn't mind though, the portions were so big she doubted she'd even finish half of it.

She dug into the food, her stomach thanking her for finally putting something in her body. She was so hungry that she didn't care if she was eating like how she usually ate when she was at home, messy and slobbish. She was halfway through her burger, when she caught Seonghwa just staring at her. That's when she started to feel self conscious. She quickly swallowed what was currently in her mouth and grabbed a napkin to wipe the corners of her mouth.

Seonghwa giggled at her.

"Don't worry about it. It's pretty refreshing to see a girl not care about how she looks like when she eats, and to actually eat. You have no idea how many girls I've brought here who only get salads and nothing else."

He cringed slightly at past memories of awful dates that make him wanna kick himself for even thinking they were attractive. He blamed himself though. He tended to only look at pretty faces and end up regretting it when he found out they were all self-centered, shallow, and prissy girls that just made his blood boil.

"Maybe that's why I like you. You're different."

He didn't even realize he said that out loud until she whipped her head up at him. He was stunned that he accidentally let that slip, but he was able to play it off coolly.

"How......how can you..... we've never even..?" Y/N couldn't even completely form her question but Seonghwa knew what she was referring to.

Sighing softly, he began:

"Well I'm going to sound like a total creep now but that's inevitable. It was a few months back, when you had changed majors and had to be transferred to our class..."

Seonghwa ignored the usual reprimand of the professor, telling him he was late again. As if he didn't do it on purpose. He just hated this class. It was undoubtedly one of the most boring subjects one could possibly take. He began to stare off into space, not even bothering to listen to what was being said.

He looked around at the familiar faces he saw in class, the same people from last year. Until a head of (insert hair color) hair caught his eye. She was definitely not there before. Seonghwa tried to think if he had ever seen her around before, but couldn't quite remember.

Unknowingly, he found himself staring at her more and more each time they had class together. He found out she had a habit of tapping her pen against her cheek when she was trying to concentrate, she kept everything in her bag organized and hardly socialized with anybody.

One time he followed her to her locker, just to briefly see what was inside of it. You can always tell a lot about a person based on how they decorate their locker. But Seonghwa only saw a few pictures of what he assumed was her family, few friends and a lot of sticky notes with motivational quotes written on them in various sharpie colors, with either stars or diamonds as decorations.

That just peeked his curiosity even more in trying to decipher who the mysterious girl was, and his curiosity turned to fondness for the girl, so he had no choice but to admit that he was attracted to her and wanted to get close to her.

"Wait. Is that why you were staring at me in class the other day?" Y/N asked after he told her all that.

"Took you long enough to notice too. You were so oblivious to it that it was kinda funny." He chuckled.

Y/N looked back at that moment and realized she still had so many questions left.

"But then why did you look angry after I looked away?"

Seonghwa shifted his position, sitting up straighter so he could look at her.

"Why? Cause you looked at me with such a bitch face and even rolled your eyes at me. I was kinda angry and hurt that you did that given how I feel about you." He explained.

Y/N looked at him confused.

"I did not roll my eyes at you."

"Uh....yeah. You did. You looked at me as if I was a bug or something." He corrected her.

"Well..... I was tired and hungry! I'm not in control of my actions or emotions when I'm in that state." She tried defending herself, feeling somewhat embarrassed that she had no control over her facial expressions.

"Yeah, I've noticed. You weren't all that happy 25 minutes ago when I asked you out on this date." Now it was Seonghwa's turn to roll his eyes at her previous behavior.

"This....this isn't a date!" Y/N exclaimed.

Seonghwa raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Oh no? Do enlighten me then. What is this?"

Y/N thought about it for a moment.

"We are just 2 individuals, having a meal together and conversing." She stated.

"Why are we conversing though?" Seonghwa continued to pry.

Y/N hummed.

"Because you said you wanted to get to know me better?"

Seonghwa smiled at that.

"Sounds to me like a date then."

Y/N mentally face palmed. She practically walked into that one herself. She sighed as she picked up one of the fries and dipped it into her milkshake before eating it.

"And now I've learnt one more thing about you: we have similar tastes in eating."

Y/N watched as he mirrored her actions and dipped his fries in his strawberry milkshake. Y/N decided to just finish eating as soon as possible so she could go home early. The sun was starting to set and she didn't like walking home in the dark, even if rarely any crime happened in this neighborhood. She was planning on not saying anything else, but then something popped in her mind that made her ask:

"Wait a minute! The day after the.....incident." She began.

"You mean when you were a total bitch?" Seonghwa teased.

"Haha, funny." She threw a fry at him, causing Seonghwa to laugh even harder.

She had to admit though, he had a cute laugh.

"Anyways, the day afterwards, I heard 2 girls talking in the bathroom about you. They said that you were pissed off at me-"

"I kinda was." He interrupted her again.

"Let me finish!" She cried out rather annoyed.

Seonghwa bit his lip as he stifled another laugh. He found it adorable when Y/N got agitated.

"They made it sound like you were going to beat me up. Something about 'giving it to me'" She held up her fingers in quoting signals.

Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, trying to decipher what she meant. Then it hit him.

"Oh! No. Trust me, I wasn't going to beat you up. As for 'giving it to you' "

He mimicked her quotation signs, causing Y/N to glare at him for teasing her again.

"I was referring to the notepad you dropped. Remember? I gave it back to you?"

Now she face palmed literally as she realized she hadn't thought about that. And here she thought she was dead meat for sure.

"Was that why you were avoiding me the rest of the week? You actually believed I was going to fight you?"

Y/N swirled her milkshake with her straw, unable to look at Seonghwa in the eyes anymore.

"Y/N? I'm talking to you. You really believed that?"

The authority in his voice made her look up at him, his expression showing offense and indignation at the thought that she actually believed him capable of such a thing.

"Why would you think that?" He continued his interrogation.

"Well..... I don't know! Ok? Maybe cause I've heard so many rumors about you. You don't exactly have the best of reputations at school. Everyone says how you're...."

Her voice trailed off, afraid to finish her sentence, afraid to offend or hurt him in anyway .

"That I'm a delinquent? A criminal?"

Y/N blinked when he said that, as if he could read her mind.

"I know what people say about me, I'm not blind nor deaf to their gossip." He stated, not at all unfazed by what he often heard.

"So does that mean none of it is true?" She couldn't help but want the answer to her question.

"Well depends. Have I gotten into a lot of fights with other guys? Yes. Do I have a temper at times that gets me in trouble? Yes. Have I fucked a bunch of girls just for fun? Definitely. Do I smoke or drink often? I'm not denying it."

Seonghwa reached into his pocket and took out his lighter, twirling it around in his hand a few times so Y/N could get a glance at it before putting it back in his pants.

"But have I ever vandalized, stolen or done anything remotely illegal? No. Have I beaten someone up for no good reason? No."

Y/N listened to his words very carefully. She was amazed how he was calmly telling her all of this.

"And I most certainly have never even thought about lifting a finger against a woman. Especially not one I'm interested in." He confessed abruptly, causing Y/N to gulp her drink a little fast, nearly making her choke.

"I'm sorry." She apologized.

Seonghwa chuckled softly.

"Don't be. I get why you'd be scared. I just wish you'd get to know the real me......"

He reached his hand out and lightly brushed his finger on the top of her knuckles.

"Kinda like how I want to know you..."

The physical contact sent a weird feeling down her body. It was chilly, yet warm at the same time. She wanted to reach out and lace her fingers in his, and she would have, until a high pitched voice interrupted them.

"Seonghwa! Is that you?!"

They looked over to see a purple haired boy waving his hand in the air, as if his loud voice didn't make his presence already known. A pink haired boy was standing next to him, looking embarrassed as his friend jumped up and down. Having had enough of that, he pulled the boy by his arm and ran over to Seonghwa and Y/N's table.

"Hi! What a coincidence to see you here! Why didn't you tell us you would be here? You could have joined Yeosang and I. He promised to take me out to eat." He pulled whom Y/N assumed to be Yeosang closer to him.

The purple haired boy spoke so loud and fast Y/N had a hard time understand what he was saying.

"Promised? I was threatened." Yeosang replied, causing the other boy to let out a loud laugh, making Y/N think of a hyena.

"Hyung, where are your manners? Aren't you going to introduce us to your girlfriend?"

Seonghwa blushed and cleared his throat. It was the first time Y/N saw him get flustered and it was definitely funny.

"Y/N isn't my girlfriend-"

"Oh really? Great! Cause she's cute."

The boy wasted no time and held his hand out to her.

"My name is Wooyoung, I'm single, Bi, and I have a driver's license." He winked at her.

"For a moped." Yeosang corrected him.

Wooyoung sent a glare towards his friend.

"Y/N, these are my friends: Wooyoung and Yeosang. They go to our school, but you've probably never seen them cause they're a grade below us."

Y/N nodded and waved awkwardly at them.

"Yeosang, Wooyoung, this is Y/N. She's not my girlfriend, but she's off limits. Ok?" Seonghwa made sure to lock eyes with Wooyoung, silently warning him not to step any further into his territory.

"So if she's not your girlfriend, does that mean she's a fuck bud-"

Yeosang stepped on Wooyoung's foot, causing him to bend over in pain. Yeosang however smiled sweetly as if nothing happened.

"Anyways, it was nice seeing you Hyung. We wouldn't want to take up more of your time. Besides, we'll be seeing you tomorrow at Hongjoong's party. Right?"

Seonghwa nodded.

"You know I never pass up an opportunity to party."

"Will you bring Y/N with you?" Wooyoung asked, hoping she'd come.

Seonghwa looked over to Y/N, who tried to think of an answer.

"Uh... no thanks. I wasn't invited so-"

"Who cares? No one needs an invitation these days. It's a frat party anyways, a bunch of strangers end up coming in the end." Wooyoung insisted.

"I'll....think about it." Y/N knew she wouldn't.

"Ok! I'll take it as a yes. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Taking a hold of Yeosang's hand, Wooyoung made his way over to another table, the pink haired boy already looking exhausted at the thought of spending at least 2 more hours with his highly energetic friend.

Y/N smiled softly at them. They were definitely an odd pairing, but they seemed to compliment each other.

"It's getting late. Want me to take you home?" Seonghwa asked her.

"It's fine. I can walk. It's not that far." She refused.

"I insist. I want to make sure you get there safely." He insisted.

Y/N smirked at him.

"Are you really concerned for my safety or do you just wanna find out where I live?"

Seonghwa's mouth dropped at her insinuation.

"I don't..... ok you got me there."

She chuckled at his reaction, but ultimately got up.

"Ok. Fine. Take me home. The worst you can possibly do is murder me and throw my body in a lake."

Seonghwa shook his head and picked up his jacket. He made sure to hold the door open for her when they went out. Y/N didn't even notice he had stopped walking until she heard him whistle behind her. Turning around, she saw him standing next to a black Harley-Davidson motorcycle. She raised her hands and gestured him to explain.

"I told you I was taking you home."

He tapped the seat.

"So come on. Hop on doll."

He began taking out the spare helmet for her to put on. She walked back to him and placed her hands on her hips.

"You kept it parked here the entire time?" She asked him.

"Uh huh." He responded.

Her face was full of shock.

"Did you know that I would say yes to coming here with you?"

"Well not exactly 'knew'.......more like....hoped."

He winked at her before placing the helmet above her head, making sure to strap it tightly.

"Safety first."

After putting on his own helmet, he got on the motorcycle and waited for her to get on. She awkwardly threw her leg over the seat and hesitated to wrap her arms around him. Seonghwa huffed and simply grabbed her wrists to put them on his stomach.

As soon as he started revving up the motorcycle, Y/N tightened her grip around him. Even through his shirt, she could feel rock solid abs underneath it. It made her wonder what he looked like without a shirt. The thought temporarily distracted her from the worry of actually riding in a motorcycle for the first time.

Sensing her fear, Seonghwa grabbed one of her hands and gave it a light squeeze.

"Don't worry doll. I'll keep you safe."

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

*part 3 coming soon*

[chaotic-nick]

it is the miche hc anon, and I am back to gift you

frat boy! Miche hcs

fratboy! Miche is on the rugby team and is a environment engineering major ,with a minor in sustainability

fratboy! Miche plays the legend of Zelda on his Nintendo switch in His room in the frat house when he doesn’t feel like partying

fratboy! Miche sometimes hates living in a frat house, because the smell of alcohol irritates his nose

fratboy! Miche grows out his hair , so that he can but it in a man bun

fratboy! Miche is never on time for class unless reader drags him out of bed

frat boy! Miche gets up to go to the gym then goes right back to sleep

fratboy! Miche asks reader to help him beat the water temple in the legend of zelda: ocarina of time

frat boy! Miche asks reader to piece his ear in his room

fratboy! Miche can handle his alcohol , but he despises beer. He’s more of a whiskey/rum type of guy

fratboy!miche walks reader to and from her night class

frat boy miche ! dresses like this and this

✨frat boy miche✨

MICHE HEADCANON ANON! (You're gonna be so happy when I post the stories where I used your headcanons!) But how did you know I have Fratboy Miche in the works?! That's set out to be posted in May/June? 😳

*We're connected telepathically LOL*

I wish I knew what Zelda is, I didn't grow up playing any games because my parents really thought it'd damage my brain (I am saving up for a coral switch though, is that a good thing anon?)

Fratboy! Miche Headcanons ahead

I imagine fratboy! Miche and reader having the 'I look tough but it's my girlfriend who you should be scared of' dynamic

Fratboy Miche! who sings this to reader and is super off-key. Maybe her borrows her ukelele and just strums it so badly in her dorm room.

Fratboy Miche! Growing out his hair to put in a man bun, but reader braids them when she's hanging out with him.

OOh also my fave college au trope, Stem major! Miche X Art major! Reader, I'm imagining the two of them studying at their dorms and reader just gives up because her development communication final wasn't puppet-ing enough (this was my finals and I was crying anon)

Fratboy Miche! who knows reader doesn't drink, so anything his friends give her or when someone hits on her, she's so happy to give him the cup. He doesn't heart to tell her that he doesn't drink whatever concoction they gave her, and just downs it in one go.

Anon, we're giving Fratboy Miche! too much credit, he wouldn't dress so good like that until he's an adult. Fratboy MIche! Would wear his sports shorts and a tank top that won't cover anything manwhore vibes?? lol jk, or maybe a shirt with his frat's symbols with PRIDE

no, fratboy Miche would parade topless around the frathouse way before he met reader.

I'm letting you in my Fratboy! Miche WIP, but

The two of you would have such a happy relationship, that no one in campus would think you'd break up. But slowly Miche is realising that you'd rather be with him, by his side at parties rather than do your usual routine.

He slowly realises he's a bad influence on you.

As asshole-y as it sounds, fratboy Miche! breaks up with you through a phone call when both of you are apart from each other. Just because he can't do it.

He has his script ready and all, and with the power of alcohol says "You're really smart compared to me, I'm just me. I don't wanna hold you back anymore."

But because he's drunk he says this instead,

"I'm breaking up with you because you're holding me back."

Yep, this is how the fic is starting, mix it with southeast Asian family drama and I think you'll like it anon!

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

I'm obsessed with the famous singer with Calum universe and imagine your about to realease your first album and you ask them to come into the studio and listen to it and they all just give there genuine opinion on it while your head is on Calum's shoulder and your just break all the songs down for them and what they mean to you. But what if it was like Clairo's album bc that shit just SLAPS ok gn

Thanks for the suggestion! I tweaked it just a little bit. I hope you enjoy. 

Here are parts one, two, three, four, five and six. This is the Distance series on my masterlist!

If you have any other suggestions for this series, please send them to me! I’ll use as many as I can while still progressing this story along!

_______________________________

The flight is no doubt long for Calum and he sleeps like a log on her couch, cuddled up with her dog. He’ll admit to missing Duke, but it’s nice to have another furry body around to curl up with. She manages to him wake up for food. Watching him sit at her tiny dining room table, with his eyes constantly blinking from sleep lingering, she can barely keep a grip on his plate. She wants to hate what Calum is doing to her. But for a fleeting moment she lets herself linger on the thought that maybe she can have this one day. As the plate settles with a soft thud, Calum smiles up at her. “Thanks,” he says, voice thick and deeper than normal. Her spine shivers, toes curling. It’s not like she hasn’t experienced this before while she stayed with him. But this--this just feels different between them now.  

“No problem. I still can’t believe you just hopped onto a plan for me? That’s so insane.”

“Of course. I just wanted to help. I’d do it again too if I had to.” 

“I have to go into the studio the rest of the week. I’m sorry about that.”

Calum takes her hand, across the coffee table, fingers gently grazing her skin. “You say that like I don’t understand.” They laugh, gently only cut across by the sound of her dog’s paw across her hardwood floors. “You gotta work. I’m just here to help out.”

The jetlag isn't as major as Calum thought it would be. It helps that he managed to sleep on the flight and his nap definitely aided. Her apartment is unmistakably small, but it’s cozy with the hanging plants and the sunlight that she lets come even once the sun has settled and night has fallen thickly over the city. “Only one bed, but if it makes you uncomfortable, we can figure something out. I can take the couch.”

Calum, throwing an arm over her shoulders and pressing a kiss to her temple, steps through the threshold of her bedroom door, keeping her in toe. “You are not sleeping on your own couch. If anything, I would. But I’m comfortable sharing a bed if you are.”

She nods. “I’m okay with that.” 

And she is, but she can’t help her heart from fluttering when Calum returns from his shower, no shirt and just sleeping shorts. She peels back her covers, patting the empty space next to her. When he settles, albeit with a lump in his throat, he turns onto his stomach, clutching the pillows into his arms. “This is the point where we tell each other ghost stories,” he teases. He’s hoping his laughter doesn’t shake. He hopes she can’t detect how his body is shivering as the scent of her detergent and the mixture of hair products and lotions climbs into his nostrils. 

She slips down under her covers, the lights in the room clicking off as she finds the switch for the bedside lamp. “I don’t have many of those. Generally, I try not to mess with ghosts.”

“Understandable.”

Turning onto her side, she goes to reach out and hesitates. She can’t believe it. He’s really here, across the globe for her. “I’m pretty sure you might be a ghost right now.”

Calum shakes his head. “Nope, I’m very much real.” He reaches out and takes her hand. He noticed it, how she retreated. Their fingers glide over, before she threads her fingers. He tugs her hand close and kisses over each of her knuckles. “I’m very much real,” he whispers into her skin. 

Her morning routine starts earlier than usual, but only by a half an hour, as a phone goes off at 5:55 in the morning. “Fuck, sorry,” Calum straightens up, reaching across her to turn off his phone alarm. “I’m sorry.”

She laughs, wiping at the corner of her eyes. “It’s alright.” She hums as she stretches. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He falls back into the sheets, welcoming the warmth it brings. “It’s just--it’s a thing I do.” He’s trying to remember for a moment where he put his wallet. 

One hand on his chest, she kisses his cheek. “Whatever you need, just let me know.” 

“My pants,” he grumbles, wiping at his face. 

She nods, and slips out of bed, finding his pants laying across his duffle bag. “Incoming.” Calum sits up and catches his pants, patting the pocket, and there in the back pocket is his wallet. He fishes out the wallet and photo, his mother’s grin making him smile in return. She spies something small that he pulls out and the warm smile. She wonders what it is, but she doesn’t push it before walking out into the hallway. 

Their morning is quiet, Calum joining her to make a quick breakfast after taking her dog for a walk. The morning’s a bit breezy, though not overly so. Calum watches from the passenger side of the car as she rolls down the streets. “Sorry again about my alarm.”

She waves it off. “I’m an early riser anyway, Calum. Really, it’s fine.”

“It’s just a thing I do. I have this picture of my Mum and I. Makes my whole day better starting it out like that.”

Paused at a traffic light, she looks over with a soft smile. “That’s really sweet.”

“So, uh, what’s on your agenda today.”

“Laying vocals for one last song. And god knows, I’ll be laying them for hours.”

Calum remembers her previous rants about needing to get things exactly the way she sees them in her head out on tape. He’s excited to hear more music from her. The two singles are amazing, a bit more bluesy alternative than what he was creating, but the way her vocals reminded him of melting chocolate and she managed to teleport the listener, like sitting in a dark room with an old record playing in the background. It’s awe inspiring and a thing he always went back to when he felt like he was missing a home that he had never really been to. 

The studio is cozy. It’s really just her, the producer and a couple other people. It’s close and intimate. As Calum settles onto the couch outside the recording booth, he keeps to himself but is polite as he’s introduced. “I didn’t expect a partner in crime for today, but uh, this is the famous Calum I probably don’t shut up about.”

She admits it so freely and Calum can’t help but gape. He’s not sure his ears are working. “She really don’t shut up about you, mate,” the guy introduced as Paul laughs. She steps away and lower, Paul adds on, “I’m not attempting to be big brother here. But that girl’s basically a sister to me. And she hasn’t smiled nearly as hard in about a year than she smiles about you.”

Calum watches the door, waiting for her to be just around the corner. When she’s not there, he turns back around. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’m a goner. But it’s, hard. The living situation right now.”

Paul nods, pulling his hair back into a bun. “I get it. I do. Shit’s not easy right now. But, I’m happy she’s happy. And I’m rooting for this. You seem decent. Literally flown across continents for her. That’s mad, but also, really genuine.”

Giggles signal of her arrival, that she’s just down the hallway but Calum chews over what Paul says, as he settles into the seat in front of the mixer and she slides into the booth. This thing went deeper that he realized. Through the speakers, everyone catches her vocal warmups, and Calum sneaks a cheeky video of her, making faces. “I see you, Calum!” She signals him out through the glass. They can only laugh before she returns to her work at hand. 

Halfway through the day, they take a break and as the group leaves to gather lunches, she waves for Calum to join her at the desk. He slips into the second rolling chair. “Hopefully it’s not too boring?”

“No, it’s really not. It’s amazing to see you work.” He can feel the emotion anytime she does a take and it’s always more and more each time she goes. He worried for a second she’d loose her voice but Paul’s always there to reel her in. 

“I wanna play you something.” He watches her click around and soon through the speakers, Calum hears the crooning guitar, wailing and setting the tone before her voice accompanies it. Her voice swells in his chest and he thinks for a second, he might be crying. But he can’t be. Not until she gently takes his chin, guiding him to look at her and her thumb comes up to wipe away gently at the corner of his eye. 

“God, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Maybe if you stopped singing like an angel, I wouldn’t.”

She laughs, fingers dragging down his cheek, across his moles. “Don’t know what I can do about that.” And her voice is still singing around them, she’s still wailing along with her guitar. Calum just listens, part of him wishing he was listening through headphones to catch every tsk of the drums and listening to the creaks and breathes. 

As the break comes around, her guitar crying out more and slightly out of the melody established, Calum bops along. His head dipping and shaking with the frets. “God, that sounds so dirty, but somehow so emotional at the same time,” he compliments. And as the tracks play on, he listens to each one, fingers picking out the keys and notes over the wooden desk. The guitar sounds like it was laid all at once, not much fuss what layers around it. Just like it was a moment that was just her and her guitar. He compliments each track, gives small suggestions here and there for production, but overall, he’s blown away by her craftsmanship and the way she’s been able to communicate with her team with what she wanted for each song. 

“I want to write like you someday,” Calum teases over his plate. “What’s the secret?” The last twinkling of the bass and piano play out around them. And Calum’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to pick his jaw up off the floor. 

“Being insane,” she returns with a soft laugh. “And having a really great team of course.”

“You’re the mastermind behind it all,” Paul addresses. “We’re just the minions. The pawns in her games of chess.”

She scoffs, working down the last scoop of soup. “Let’s be honest. I’d be lost without you.”

“Nah, you really wouldn’t, babes. You know what you want. I just happen to be able to translate it for you.”

Picking up a napkin from the table, Calum cleans away a little bit of soup that’s dribbled down her chin for her. “And a messy eater, clearly that’s needed in the recipe for creative genius too.”

“Fuck off,” she huffs throwing the plastic her spoon came in at his chest. 

The session ends soon and as they all climb out, taking hallways back to civilization, Calum slips his hand into hers. He pulls them to the side, letting the crowd continue on. “You’re really talented, you know?”

“Nah, I’m not that--”

“No, you really are,” he interjects. His fingers come up to her chin, dancing across her skin. “You really, really are.”

Her cheeks are hot. She’s not sure how to hide the smile, if it’s okay to smile and for the moment all she can focus on his him, and the way his exhales are soft and his lips are such a  pretty pink. “Thank you,” she breathes. 

Calum dips his head, inching and inching closer. “Is-is it okay?” His lips are so close to her and instead of verbally answering, she meets him. They’re lips graze properly and briefly. She pulls away, body flooding with embarrassment and before the words can vomit over her lips, Calum pulls in for another kiss. This one longer, lips actually tasting the other. She thinks she could kiss him forever. 

There’s a soft echo as their lips part. Her eyes are still closed, inhaling deeply to still her rapidly beating heart. “Yeah,” she says, then clears her throat. “It’s okay.”

Calum smirks at her answer, laughing as he kisses her again. This time without fear, without hesitation. Her fingers clutch around his shirt, he can feel her pulling at him like she can’t get close enough. But there is nothing, no inches, no centimeters, no millimeters between them hardly besides the cotton of their clothes. 

There’s desperation, all the I miss you’s and I really could use a hug from you right now’s and all the almost spoken signs of affection pour themselves out into the kiss. They’re not handsy, not dying to cave into hedonism. Just unsure of how to use words to express the concern, the love, the care for each other. Calum cradles her face, pulling back just a little for air. “I’ve wanted to do that for like, so long. And it’s a shame how giddy I feel doing that.”

“No, never a shame. Because like my guts feel like they’ve been folded over like pastry dough right now.”

Laughing into each other, they linger for just a moment longer in the hallway. They share breaths, trying to find the steady established rhythm that they innately have, but getting so lost in each other’s gaze. She’s never really noticed just how deep the brown goes in Calum’s irises until now. “I have lyrics brewing in my head right now and like, it’s embarrassing,” she confesses.

“No, never embarrassing.”

“You cannot use my own sentiments against me.”

“I think I just have.”

-H

[capricornus-rex]

*pokes fingers together* If you take promts, I'm not sure if this has been done before but what about reader getting a semi-serious injury so they're out of action for a while (like lightsaber holding wrist/arm/etc) but they are restless and want to get back into practicing and battling really quick, pushing themselves and of course Cal is there to make sure they... don't. XD Taking care of them, refusing practice until they are fully healed and such. Well, only if you like the idea ofc~ :3

I think I’ve done something similar to this but only for a minor wound, so this time you’re the one with the major wound prompt hehe ^w^ Sorry if it’s a bit too short, but I hope you’d still like this! 💕

“Just A Scratch” | Cal Kestis x Reader

Masterlist

The quaint settlement town in Lothal is disturbed by the hot pursuit of two Jedi. The speeder bikes zoomed past the denizens, shifting left and right to catch up with the Jedi taking the sharp turns around the curb.

“Stop there! Insurgents!” the patrol trooper taking the lead barked.

“This way, hurry!” Cal snatched you by the arm and made a blind turn to the alley.

Squeezing yourselves in that narrow annex, Cal waited and listened for the sound of the speeder’s engine receding. You slowly peeked your head over the wall and surveyed the street left and right.

“Are they gone?” Cal mumbled.

“I think so,”

You emerged out of that tight fit and scanned again for good measure. Cal followed when you confirmed that the coast is clear. The two of you headed to the direction you intended to go. As you sprinted through the streets, both of you were watchful on the turns and curbs along the way—presuming that there’d be a Stormtrooper or two waiting for you.

Cal scraped his boots against the road when he spotted a couple of Stormtroopers coming out of the curb ahead of you.

“Nope! This way, this way!” he whispered, snatching you by the wrist and dragging you to the alleyway directly beside him.

This whole pursuit is happening in this maze of a town. It’s amazing that Lothalites are able to navigate their way through such a complicated layout. After one wrong turn, you ended up getting spotted by a group of three guards—one on a speeder and two Stormtroopers.

“I found the insurgents! They’re in the western alley at Block 8C!” the Stormtrooper radioed and aimed his blaster at you.

“Oh crud, RUN!!” you screeched and turned the other way.

The two of you easily deflected the Stormtroopers’ shots but are now in pursuit of another patrol trooper—this one wasn’t even riding the scooter-like model, the one he drove was the kind of speeder bike armed with blaster cannons.

After a while of sprinting, Cal noticed that the sound of the speeder bike has receded.

“Is he still on us?!” Cal asked.

“I don’t even wanna look back!”

In your collective periphery, the trooper has made himself quite resourceful with the environment—he slid up a toppled awning that led him to the rooftops as he continued the chase, he really hit the pedal to the metal with his bike until he’s gotten ahead of you. The two of you watched his entire stunt as you ran.

“What is he doing!?” you squealed.

The biker patroller jumped off a rooftop when he got to a considerable distance ahead of you—that was his plan all along: he meant to cut off your path by going on ahead and stopping you there.  You hate to admit that the trooper was good driver and a daredevil nonetheless.

He had his speeder bike idled on one end of the road while the two of you stood at the other.

With the press of a button on the dashboard, the barrels of the cannons whirred and aimed at the general direction of his enemy, the trooper’s thumb rested on the trigger, it trembled with eagerness as he peered through the black visor of his helmet.

The Jedi couple unclipped their sabers from their belts.

Promptly, the trooper pressed the button, releasing two simultaneous shots from the cannons. Compared to typical handheld blasters, projectiles from vehicle cannons were much trickier to deflect and required more precision. Your eagle eye spotted the barrel of the cannon pointing at Cal and the trooper was lowering his thumb to the red button.

“CAL, WATCH OUT!!”

You shouldered Cal out of the line of fire. In exchange, your dodge got lousy and the thick, red projectile had cut through your sleeve, gravely injuring your bicep. A mixture of clear liquid and hot blood trickled smoothly down on your skin. The pain was so sharp and abrupt that the fingers that curled around your lightsaber rendered completely limp. The burning sensation made you fumble to your knees.

“[Y/N]!!”

Cal quickly dragged you out of the scene, keeping you cover behind a stack of crates before facing the trooper.

The biker sped straight ahead, closing its distance from the Jedi; in the blink of an eye, when the vehicle was just neck-and-neck with Cal, he severed the two-pronged front and the blaster cannons with his saber until the vehicle spun out of control and then crashed into another incoming biker scout.

He watched the enemies and their vehicles reduced to shrapnel and flames as he took deep breaths. He immediately turned his attention to you. You struggle to take slow, rhythmic breaths while easing yourself from the pain. Cal slowly removed your other hand that’s been pressuring on the wound to stop the bleeding. You winced and breathed through clenched teeth when he separated your hand from the injury, blood and water curdled under your hand until it became a sticky mixture to make your palm appear glued to the flesh wound.

“BD, stim!”

“B-Boo!!”

BD-1 popped out a single stim from his container and Cal injected the bright green syringe on your shoulder. You winced at the quick jab of the needle as the substance entered your body.

“Aww God, I can’t feel it,” you moaned.

“The stim?”

“No, my arm,”

“Come on, I’ll help you up,”

Cal made a crutch out of himself for you as he helped you hobble your way back to the outskirts of the town where the Mantis is.

Even though Cere wasn’t surprised anymore to see either of you coming home with a scratch, she always gives that stern, motherly look at both of you when she greets you by the door or at the couch.

“Just a scratch!” you scoffed smugly at her.

“That’s one hell of a scratch, if you ask me,”

“Nothing a little bacta can fix,” you winked as Cal shepherded you to the bedroom.

“Alright, alright, let’s get you cleaned and patched up!”

He helped you remove your top which now has a large gash on the sleeve, revealing the flesh wound with dried blood smeared on its radius.

“Thing of beauty, isn’t it?” you blurted jokingly.

“I’m glad the trooper didn’t hit your funny bone,” he chuckled back. “Wait here, I’ll just get some water.”

For the next minute, you stared at the flesh wound. The clear liquid clumped and dried, turning into a slight yellow color, you carefully plucked out the fibers that adhered to the surface of the injury. The sound of the bathroom door shut and Cal returned to the room.

“Don’t pick at it,” he lectured.

“It’s just the threads of my shirt,”

He soaked then wrung a towel in the bowl of water he collected from the bathroom, gingerly wiping off the dried blood and then daubing the wound itself. One of the things you loved about Cal is how gentle his hands were—for a scrapper, no less.

“I guess I owe you one,”

“It’s nothing, Cal,”

“No, really,” he looked at you with sincerity in his clear, green eyes. “Thank you. I don’t know how you do it but you’re always saving my life.”

“You’re welcome,” you leaned closer to kiss him on the forehead.

The cycle repeated: soak, wring, and dab. When it was finally clean, he cut a strip of bacta—long enough to ring around your arm—and secured it with its adhesive.

“There, all patched up. You’re not gonna use that lightsaber for a few days,”

“So… I’m out of action for now?” Cal replied with a nod and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Don’t get any funny ideas unless you want your other arm hurt,”

You sighed in defeat. There was no more room for argument. Cal playfully touched the tip of your nose, consoling you with a cheek kiss before leaving the room to return the materials. Simply reaching for your saber became a struggling, as the slightest turn strained your arm and—albeit limp—it felt heavy. To make the numbness go away, you flexed your fingers, opening and closing your fist at a pace, though you found it hard to maintain your usual grip.

You practiced the grip exercises on one of the tools sitting on the workbench. You practiced gripping on a wrench—starting off softly, you gradually progressed to the usual tightness of your grip but your fingers felt numb as well. Frustrated, you dropped the tool and sat back on the bed—and Cal had spotted you trying to regain your grip.

“Look, I know it’s hard right now, but trying to practice on anything isn’t a good idea right now,”

You grumbled something indistinct, Cal held your cheeks and then smothered your face with kisses. He took you out of the room so you could join everyone for lunch.

That afternoon, everyone lazed inside the ship—except for you, of course. You snuck out of the ship, tiptoeing past the cockpit—luckily, Merrin had her back turned when facing the holotable—and you hit the button as quietly as you could. You slipped past the door, finally, and the soles of your boots found the grass.

It looked and felt awkward, but you unclipped your saber with your left hand—which you aren’t obviously used to—and did some handling practice with it unignited.

“Okay, so far, so good. Could never go wrong with basic spins,” you tell yourself.

You thought that igniting then wielding it in a non-dominant arm is the stupidest thing that ever crossed your action-desperate mind. You switched the saber to your good hand and repeated the same grip exercises that you did with the wrench earlier.

Even if it pained you whenever you moved it, you tried to perform your usual attack swings and strikes, a spinning attack would be the most daring in this circumstance.

You came to the conclusion that it was lousier when wielding it with your dominant but messed up arm.

“My right arm is practically dead at this point,” you scoffed.

You looked for something to practice your left-handedness on, you spotted a withered tree trunk standing not far from the ship and you decided to walk towards it.

In less than two paces, you feel an arm hook around your waist, causing you to drop your lightsaber to the soil. He hoisted you up to his shoulder until you’re hanging behind his back, while securing you by the thighs.

“Where do you think you’re going, kitty cat?”

“Oh come on!” you whined, smacking his back in retaliation. “I swear I wasn’t going to the tree to practice.”

“Uh-huh, sure you are,” Cal replied with his signature sarcasm, blatantly ignoring your light slaps on the broad of his back. “Bad girl.”

You gradually gave up on the continuous, light slapping on his back as he carried you all the way back to the ship. You reached for your saber, pulling it with the Force towards your hand before he could get farther.

“Sneak out once more and I’ll punish you,” he firmly said.

“Okay,” you nonchalantly replied, waving your saber around as he marched. You smirked to yourself. “I’ll sneak out tonight then.”

“No, you’re not,”

The two of you mockingly bickered back and forth whether or not you’ll sneak out in the dead of night just to get a swing of your saber. He settled you down on the couch like a toddler, bent down to level with you and looked at you in the eye.

“Hot chocolate?”

“Yes,” you perked.

“Promise me you won’t sneak out first,”

“Of course, it was a damn bribe,” you muttered.

“Promise?” he repeated, but sternly this time.

With a comical innocence, your free hand held your right arm by the wrist, raised it up in mid-air and a limp hand bobbed to the side.

“Padawan’s honor,”

Cal raised an eyebrow.

“What rank do you want? Grandmaster’s honor?”

“Good girl,” he smiled and kissed the tip of your nose before retreating to the kitchen.

Your eyes followed him until he began fishing out cups and spoons from the drawers. Utensils lightly clattered here and there, the viscous chocolate sloshed from the pitcher to the glasses. He brought one for each of you and he cuddled into you on the couch. He scooped up your legs and rested them over his lap, he puts his arm around your shoulder, sipping away the sweet liquid each minute while nuzzling his cheek on your head.

“I hope this heals soon,” you muttered, a sad, bored tone rang in your words.

“Soon, sweetie,” he kisses your forehead. “Soon. Then we’ll go practice once it’s not so bad anymore.”

“Promise?” you angled your head up so you could look at him in the eye.

He smiled at the sight of your soulful, puppy eyes.

“I promise.”

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

It's never as easy as it seems. There's so much behind the scenes work people don't think about. You have to know wtf you're talking about to plan something for someone else. It's an immense amount of work. Hence the need for meeting professionals such as yourself to help us noobs get our shit sorted.

I totally understand. I wanted to be a business woman as a kid cuz I thought it meant I could go into whatever business I want 😂 then I switched to veterinarian and had it all planned out. CC for 2 years then transfer to UC for vet school to save money. Well that went down the drain. To even transfer as a bio major I needed to get up to calc 3. Jfc. I hate math lmao. So then I switched to linguistics cuz I like learning about languages and learning new ones. I was planning on being a translator. Then I got bored real quick of linguistics and was having a crisis until my sister suggested the school I'm at now for veterinary nursing. I'm almost done with this cursed program. I should be done by summer. Then I'll work as a nurse while I take my prereqs for vet school. I do still like learning languages though. I just need to make an effort to practice speaking more to retain everything. I know many languages but I'm not good at any of them lmaoo 😭 but we out here setting goals and making them happen 👌 we love to see it.

A valid concern. Having a support system is important. There's no singular path to reach your goals. You'll make it there! 💪

✨

it’s literally insane how much goes into an event. and like i’m planning an event for the band at my old high school (because they liked the christmas party i planned) and the venue the band director asked me to check on isn’t gonna be big enough, i feel like. the band is a lot bigger this year. i feel like we should be checking something else out. like i’m going through every little thing i’ve learned in the last two and a half years and i’m lowkey buggin cause there’s a lot to do and it’s literally the week after i graduate. but then i remember it isn’t a professional thing and usually the band parents plan this (and since i’m a band sister who is about to have a degree in events i might become the event planner for the band 😜)

see i was unwell when i started college and decided i wanted to do elementary education (with a minor in korean but that was never made official in my transcript lmao one less thing to drop tho). except i didn’t want to do that, it was just what was practical and what i was good at. i’m great with kids and i love being around them (in certain settings lmao who let those fuckers in dave and busters last night) but i was just so unhappy in that program. the last straw was me failing another class (for the second time!) and breaking down on the bus. i was in tears on public transit- i called my mom crying on the campus shuttle and was telling her i wouldn’t get into the tep and i was gonna fail out of school and that i needed to change my major but i was afraid to tell my dad and have him think i wasted all this time and money. three days later i was in a completely different college (human environmental sciences instead of education). i still sucked as a student until last semester though. i was one c away from flunking out of school and then last semester made the president’s list??? haven’t had straight a’s since middle school. i shot straight up and i’m done in 8 weeks and it feels surreal.

sometimes i hate that i didn’t stick with the language thing (cause i too wanted to be a translator for a while) but then i have professors who find out i’m interested in korea and they start speaking korean to me and my life flashes before my eyes and i’m suddenly relieved that i can say “oh i only speak a little” (looking at you dr shin)

but we fuckin out here making plans 💪🏻 fuckin get it bestie

and yeah there’s so many ways to get where i wanna go (and so many places i wanna go so like i don’t have a set path i feel like i have to follow cause there’s a lot that would make me happy) it’s just terrifying fully leaving the nest and i also don’t wanna leave my bestie that i’m kinda in love with

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 2 - "I DON'T WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE" - Ellie

At the tribal, Ping was voted out of the Pendragon Tribe nearly unamimously. Tribal immunity for this round is Pictionary.

I bet all these bitches know i voted for Keith and now they are going to come kill me in my sleep if i die i blame dylan

yass round 2 i either think im in the best position on this tribe or theyre all secretly coming for me thats all

Tribal went as well as I expected it to go. No major drama. It seems like Keith is in real trouble if we do go to tribal again though which would put me in a very tricky spot. For now, though, I will be trying my best in the upcoming challenge. The problem is, however, timezones and schedules. Jon is going to be our drawer, but he can only do it tonight or in the early afternoon tomorrow which I will not be there for. Additionally, Keith is asleep so we have no idea what his schedule is going to be so we basically had to schedule the challenge without him. And Nya could only do right before the deadline tomorrow which Jon cannot do. I hate this for us, truly. I just hope that Moth and I can rub our brain cells together for this one so that we can pull out a win. OR somehow the other tribes fail horribly. On the bright side, I am finally starting to catch up on Duolingo exercises. They're a lot easier than I thought, but it is still going to be tedious af to save up enough coins for some of the higher end products at the shop. As a final note, I am going to work with Nya in the long term as we promised each other to. Hopefully that actually works out. Time to actually be loyal and be a hero this time around. Need to try something different.

If we lose this challenge, I will be very upset. We went so hard on this challenge!!! I believe that we can at least get second place, but I don't know how crazy the other tribes are. So, let's see what goes on

Ayyyyy soooooooo looks like the four, Colin, me, Ava, and Brayden are officially in an alliance!? I’m really hyped to be working with everybody and already have sights on who should go if we have to go to tribal 👀 but like I’m gonna feel so bad if we go to tribal and I orchestrate a whole plan to take someone out I gotta do it when I’m not in my feels and the planets aren’t fucking with my emotions too heavy. But go alliance ! This means I’ll be able to stay safe until hopefully a merge and hopefully we can avoid a tribe swap till then which I get those vibe from it !! But I’ll be here to survive two more tribals just in case which is pretty rad. Other then that hopefully me offering to draw doesn’t end us up in the bottom and we can keep killing ! But anyways that is it as off know hopefully I have a lot more coins tomorrow morning and I get hit the hat shop bright and motherfucking early.

Just got asked to be apart of an alliance <33333 the besties in the group trust me which maybe ain't the right move but for now we gotta love the bonding. exciting!!!

YAY FOR ROUND 2! Okay, so I meet once again with the Hat Shop and... third times the charm! Except,,, the charm is getting nothing AGAIN lmao I'm not complaining though, still got that extra vote :P I stayed up at 1 AM for this challenge, and I honestly think our team popped off. Anastasia was guessing a ton, and Riley was amazing at drawing real quick! I have a relatively good feeling about our performance, so I hope I wake up to the news of our tribe being immune :D

so yesterday I set myself on a mission to get an alliance. I wanted Ava + Brayden + Toph + me as a majority alliance. it was our day off from tribal so I thought it was the perfect day to do it!! I talked to Brayden about it first because he's the person I feel the most comfortable with, and then after a lot of coordination and careful communication I was able to pull it together!! I think the most important thing when making alliances is making everyone feel like they're a big part in it. So I was careful to ask each person how they feel about the others, about the game, and made a point to say that I wanted to work with them specifically. Some may call that a little manipulative, but I wanna make sure that I'm an essential part of the alliance!! i need everyone to feel like they need/want me there.

all of this happening so soon into the game is a testament to how aggressive I'm playing this time around. I usually like to lay low and just rely solely on my social game in the start, but I'm trying this out to establish myself early on! I wanted to play the tribe leader and I think I'm doing that in a smart and subtle way!!

so yes now we have a 4 person majority alliance named "duolingo owl hate club" because fuck that guy. I think we're the 4 most active and present people on the tribe so it's only natural for us to work together, but I think it's definitely worth noting that I was the one that was pulling the strings here.

We just did the pictionary challenge, I have a good feeling about it!! Toph was an amazing artist, and if we win, all credit rightfully goes to him!! I think the guessers also did great of course, but like come on, the artist has to be the mvp. I'm really hoping we pull through!! I don't mind going to tribal, but I genuinely don't wanna vote anyone out yet. I'm fine just playing the game in a precautionary way. I know I'm in a great position if we do go to tribal, but it's always preferred that we don't go.

Everyone else on my tribe: doing the challenge and kicking ass

Me: I’m sleep

Riley (Tumblr has once again chosen violence so only the first 10 get banners 🥲)

I think our challenge went pretty well! My team were good guessers. Feeling like I've established some Integrity now. Hope it keeps me safe later!

Toph Soooooo we finished the challenge with 32 points and like wig !! I was a quick as drawer for 32pts expect when my internet lagged, but still ! I think we whooped some ass and if we do go to tribal I know it won’t be me going, thanks to Duolingo owl hate club but I’m also worried same could have and advantage because they seem pretty kean on learning a lot in like 3 hours and then tried to cover that statement to not seem so threatening but like babs s a huge threat too apparently they love Duolingo and know 5 laugnes ? This is from brayden but If so go babs ! That’s absolutely iconic for real Life but fucking scary in this game ! I gotta be buddy buddy with them so hopefully if they do have something it won’t be them going home first and it will be Ava. But I’m thinking we might get second place again unless someone is a fucking wizard at this.

Dennis hmm i think we did well enough in the challenge to not see tribal tomorrow but who knows i guess we shall find out tn

the way ellie was so on top of stuff yesterday only to oversleep the challenge makes me giggle maybe shes freaking out about it which makes me also giggle but i dont think its really a big deal

anastasia asked me to call yesterday and i was like sure lets talk but it is damn near impossible to hold a conversation with her idk i tried BUT she did tell me “yeah i just got off a call with ellie” im like i see. she says shes down to work with ellie but that quickly switched from ellie being ~experienced~ but good to know ellie is also playing hard. anastasia also mentioned that she talks to riley a fair amount who i still have yet to connect to well. but dat makes me think ellie is def talking to riley too miss debate team is definitely a talker. but good on her for the social game i guess

kenneth keeps being like haha we’re the same person and im like yeah👁 i bet we are👁

i just wanna win and not think about tribal just keep it slow and chill for now keep learnin my welsh i guess

Ava Second challenge was Pictionary and I had a ton of fun playing. The tea is: toph did a great job. He was pretty vocal about not being a great artist but really I think he did great. However, Babs was super inactive yesterday and ~too late~ said they were a great artist and should've been picked to draw. It was kind of like.... k babs thanks for the belated "help". They did do great guessing which scored a point in my book. Brayden was supposed to play but last minute logged off without saying anything so we did the challenge without him :/ sorta a bummer. Anyway the lack of participation from Sam is kind of popping off so we'll see where that leads them... Overall a fun game and fingers crossed we did well!

Moth I think we did okay at the challenge. Today I am dying from the heatwave so I’m not thinking too straight! Stay cool everyone

Ellie So yesterday Anastasia and I called for about an hour!!! I’d say we’re definitely way closer, she’s someone I really wanna work with although the idea of her and Brayden eventually being on the same tribe is kinda scary cause I know how close they are. Still she’s so fun to talk to and I just love her energy so much!

Pictionary challenge results: Jenkins Tribe wins with Penadragon second, Hatter Tribe has to go to tribal council on the following day.

Ava Well well well seems our bob ross, toph, didn't pull through (y'all think babs would've pulled it out for us or slept through our challenge like they said they almost did?) I can't wait for tribal. I'm in it for the drama. I'm hashtag voting Sam off - didn't even bother to be apart of our challenge and not too sure they've even been online for a full 24 hours. Weed out the weak.....

Anastasia

Brayden https://imgur.com/n60Lz0c

guys i dont know what to do someone help me out

Dennis i hope damn brayden gets the boot

Raffy Woo! We don't have to go to tribal again! We stan!

Ellie So I figured I’d go idol hunting today cause the shop was about to close and I just wanted to see what had been bought and what possible hats there were, I see that there’s a hat I have enough for that hasn’t been bought and I decide fuck it let’s get it

APPARENTLY ITS SOMETHING THAT IM NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS OR HOW TO USE IT YET???? THEY SAID ILL FIND OUT ABOUT IT LATER

I DONT WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE

Sam Well you see. I like all my tribe people. And I think we did real good on that music video! So, I think rather than voting anyone else off, I think I should just vote myself off if that is possible! Ahhh

Babs So sad to see Sam not only go but go through what they're going through :( same w Toph :( they all seem so lovely

Keith Not sure if i submitted a confession after the last tribal. But if I didnt here it is.

Happy I made it out of that tribal. I had raffy backing me with whom I played. Last time we played. We were at odds. We didnt work together but whats worse that we were against each other. It was either him or me goin out. Hopefully thats the past n we can work together. I jus need to keep things calm n show that Im not here itching to make big moves. So they dont feel threatened by me. N its easy cause right now. I havnt made that kind og bond with anyone on my tribe. To even think of such moves. Lets see what round two holds for me.

Colin so uh

we lost! :(

I was really bummed tbh. Like I thought we did well but circumstances with the challenge were just really unfortunate, from conflict about who wanted to be the artist to people disappearing the moment the challenge started, I think we did well despite all of that. Except we did kinda get stomped anyway. Oh well!! The game moves on. Tribal has to happen.

Initially I was gonna push for Babs, just because I feel like I don't wanna attach myself to them too early on. I've seen how much of a bitter player they can be, and lets just say I'm not the most loyal ally to have. however! 9 minutes after we lost, Ava announces to our alliance that she's voting Sam. I wasn't surprised, Sam has been the one not really pulling their weight. But I had some good connections with her!! we both did colorguard and shes so sweet and easy to talk to. I was really conflicted for a little bit, debating on whether or not to actually push for Babs. I think brayden sensed my hesitance but we both knew there was nothing really I could do to stop Sam from being the vote. At first tribal, the initial name always spreads like wildfire.

However, my mess was stopped abruptly by Sam asking to be voted out. welp!! okay then!! babs stays i guess!! i'm not too bothered. I'll never turn down an easy vote hehe.

Pretty sure there's a swap tonight. I'm kinda scared of that

uwu

Brayden

i almost forgot to upload this but dont worry i just remembered

Colin screams

Toph So we’re going to tribal in 20 and all I have to say right now is if there is a tribe swap after I’m gonna so scared but I ducking called I had a vibe and it was right that’s what is gonna win me this game trusting my intuition. I’m holding on now and gonna be the biggest comp beast next challenge in case I get fucked on this swap !!!! Or at least if it is a swap 🤔

Riley I don't know what this announcement's gonna be I'm worriedddd... Ginny said it probably means we're swapping teams but I don't wannaaaa I like our team.

Toph Sam self sacrificing made this the easiest vote ever and me being safe is a plus I guess 😎

[aquarianlights]

I hope I'm not being rude by asking you this, but wouldn't you feel dysphoric wearing a wedding gown? I know people should be able to wear what they want regardless of their gender, but you can't deny that a wedding dress is as girly as it gets. One of my best friends is ftm trans* and he tells me, he feels very dysphoric wearing any type of "girly" clothes, so I'm very curious what's your perspective on that. Congrats on your engagement darling

OH WOW THIS ONE IS FROM YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS AGO WHEN I WAS ENGAGED TO MY EX-FIANCE!!! Well, fuck me. How the hell did I miss this? Nonny probs doesn’t even remember sending this and probs doesn’t even remember my blog, but for the sake of answering…I will tell.

I have this weird thing that I really don’t like to talk about called DID (dissociative identity disorder, I think is what it stands for???). Meaning…I have other personalities living inside me. It’s a hard concept to grasp and only those who know me well and talk to me on the daily know my internal family and can tell very easily when someone switches out.

NORMALLY I wouldn’t talk about this because it’s a really embarrassing disorder and I hate when people know that I have it. Only the people I’m closest to know this about me. There’s a whole structure and rules in place to make sure no one on the outside figures it out, no matter who comes out, although…those people that have lived with me or spent a lot of time with me…can instantly see the change. My body language switches, my pupil dilation is different depending on the person, my voice changes, my personality changes…so many things. I say “my” as to not confuse people, but it would moreso be “our”. I just didn’t wanna confuse people. Ugh.

ANYWAYS

The reason I’m telling you this outright is because it answers the question.

When I was in that abusive relationship with my ex-fiance, he basically manipulated me into becoming the perfect woman for him. I went by a female name (Ezri), I wore many, many dresses…lots of high heels…lots of trendy things…and my voice was constantly lilted and high pitched…I even moved very stereotypically girly.

But you have to remember…Ezri is not me. I am…well, to be completely honest, I’m not even Riley. This hasn’t been Riley for a couple weeks. But only my closest circle knows this. I legit couldn’t fool them by pretending to be RiRi. xDD I’m far too different, not to mention…the dead giveaway is when you meet me in person…I’m REALLY FUCKING LOUD…Riley is softspoken. Amongst all the other things that indicate I am not Riley Vincent Roswell, that fact alone will instantly tell you that this is not Riley you’re talking to. LOLOL.

ANYWAYS

Ezri was created specifically because of my ex-fiance. She was catered to his every whim and desire. Other than her mental illnesses ruling over her and ruining a few things…she was molded into the perfect woman for him. The one that my ex-fiance met was Riley. Riley, a male, is the one who fell in love and met him in person. When they met in person, Ezri emerged (along with a little rather promiscuous surprise visit from Zoey). But the point is…Ezri, a cis female, was specifically made for him.

The entire time, Riley was struggling to escape. He felt trapped and dysphoric as all hell. We all pretty much did. But my ex-fiance was abusive in very unique ways…one of which being extreme manipulation. He manipulated me in quite a few ways…but the biggest one was turning me into the person he wanted most…and when Riley got little moments to shine through to tell him that this was not what we all wanted and that this had to stop…my ex basically brushed him off like he was nothing/didn’t exist…despite the fact he KNEW I have DID. That had become apparent when he first met Riley, an asexual boy, and suddenly this body was on top of him, ready and willing to give him a blow job…and that was when he realized it wasn’t Riley he was talking to…it was Zoey. After seeing his reaction to Zoey…something inside of us had a desire to make the perfect person. Out popped Ezri. We STILL don’t really know where Ezri came from, entirely. Normally it takes quite a while for a new personality to develop. I’m talking years, people!! But, nah, fam…Ezzy just popped outta mothafuckin’ nowhere and rolled with it.

But every time my ex introduced Ezri as a girl to his parents, or she heard the words “she/her” referenced to herself, she would get EXTREMELY uncomfortable and it would trigger the everloving fuck outta her. I never use the word “trigger” except in a satirical way, but I’m actually using it in a literal way this time. WOO.

It’s…it’s such a long, long, long story of how our ex brainwashed her completely and suppressed every desire she had to be a male…like the vast majority of us that are present and past.

THAT is why one day…”Ezri” snapped. Although…what we hadn’t figured out at the time was that Riley was back in control and had pushed Ezri under, never to be seen again. The dysphoria was too much. It ate him alive. He snapped like a fucking twig. And, well, you guys should know the rest. :p (Grabbing Echo, running out to the car, getting all our things ripped out of our hands, drove off with ex still holding the car door, drove off with nothing with us, didn’t know where we were going…long fight…lots of crying and screaming…lots of angry text messages…Y’KNOW! THE THING!)

Yehhhh…so tl;dr: Ezri was made solely for ex and really wasn’t ever real. She never existed because she was pushed out too quickly and wasn’t fully developed. She didn’t know what she wanted. But there were hints of dysphoria in her, as well. But she was so caught up in the wedding bullshit that she wanted to try on allllllll the fancy dresses and shit. She had a thing for fashion…and dresses. She just wasn’t developed enough to realize she HAD dysphoria; But, nonetheless, we could all feel it very strongly in her, as well as ourselves.

SO YEH, FAM. Just wanted to clear all of that up. And it was kinda necessary to talk about the bullshit DID that we have. HAH. I really hate talking about it. :/

But UH cat’s outta the bag on me not being Riles. Lololol. Wonder who will figure it out first. ;D