#i just wanna go home and watch my gay pirates please

[larphis]

I can‘t believe I will have to sit in a fucking college lecture tomorrow when the episodes air. I am so pissed I could scream. You‘re telling me I‘ll have to wait 4 extra hours till I get to see Ed and Stede‘s kiss on the battlefield, their silly date on land, them flirting for two eps straight and them even possibly dancing the devil‘s tango?! I think I‘m gonna cry.

[variousqueerthings]

@winterskyfirefly Please tell us more about the hackers one 😍

so I am currently more in vibes than plot (but I do so much of my fanfic writing as vibes anyway) but

cereal killer is 100% transfemme in my books, that is one of the most transfemme characters to have ever come out of a 90s movie about cool queer kids hacking the government -- i wanna give like a strong she/they/it on that, sometimes more she, sometimes more they, sometimes firmly it

it's basically movie-canon that she's been kicked out of her parents' home. i cannot remember if it's canon that she's living with lord nikon, but it is at least highly suggested i feel

while i do think most of these kids are queer (acid has some interesting gender + extreme bisexuality going on, crash/dade is 2 seconds away from bein a part-time femme-boy and is also bi in my head, joey is definitely gay) lord nikon i read as a pretty-much straight cis peri man, but one of those straight cis peri men who's good for the ecosystem. straight+ youknow. he's into femininity, leans heavily on the woman-side of that idea

anyway cereal killer got kicked out of their home for gender reasons in my hc and she's not out out at this point, but she's in that space of "if you ask, maybe i'll tell you, but also if you don't know that's not my problem," like I think she and acid have talked about this

also @le-red-queen brought up at one point that it's highly likely acid's mum is a terf or at least giving very radical feminist/germaine greer type (correct me if i'm misrepresenting you!), and i think acid has had many rows with her, especially since cereal killer started genderqueering that ensemble

i hc that acid and cereal killer go way back to when the latter was "just" a strange little jewish boy, and they now joke a lot about going in opposite directions (i think acid isn't not a girl, but she's genderqueer/fluid/multi/demi + sometimes she does boy. she does she/her boy. dade is very into it)

i haven't thought about cereal killer's offline name, need to have a think about that, but that may also be a part of the Story

SO THE STORY: cereal killer lives with lord nikon, they're figuring out some Gender and he's there for a lot of these trials and tribulations

and so the thing is he's a straight guy and it's always going to be a strange being, it was as a kid, they are now, but also they're like "he's very attractive and while i'm very much myself and chill about it, i don't want to have my sense of self feel lessened by some hot dude, even though he is supportive technically, and i live here (but it's just until i find a better sitch, it's not like he'll want me here full time!), i'm going to try to not make this so much his business!" which is hilarious because he's just as much of a computer nerd as the rest of them, he ain't that slick!

and lord nikon is having a whole internal "plsssssssssssssss make it my business i think you're cute and also i want to help out" and maybe also lowkey thinks they're already dating, because duh, they do couple-stuff like pirate movies to watch together and that time he stole a bunch of clothes for her and she wears them regularly (in new fucked-up constellations) and they build computers for fun on the weekend

idk and then they make out somewhere in that and have sex for the first time and cereal killer tries out a bunch of offline names

actually maybe that's the fic: Cereal Killer Tries Out Names You Could Put On A Job Application

this is the gist!

fics i wanna write:

transfemme!cereal killer/nikon (hackers)

the exorcist/iwtv crossover (smthinsmthin louis and tomas are veeery similar smthinsmthin what would they make of marcus who looks eerily similar to santiago?)

that buffy&faith&kendra thing. i still don't know what it is, but it's just in my brain (buffy the vampire slayer)

mira/saxa (spartacus)

evil/possessed/fucked-up!tardis/the doctor (doctor who)

margaret and hawkeye qpps with benefits (MASH)

[fluffyglass]

THE MR. RUDE APOLOGISM MASTERPOST

you may be asking "Oh dear god what has Finn gotten up to this time?" well, that my friend, is a very valid question! The answer to which is as follows: He's rewatched every single TMMS segment with Mr. Rude in it to prove that he's done nothing wrong!

After many many hours of rewatching, I've come to some conclusions on the depressed tomato man. I'll give a quick rundown here, then throw my episode by episode analysis under the cut.

Season 1

Mr. Rude is in 30 episodes in Season 1.

In only 3 of these episodes does he do anything wrong.

In 4 of the episodes where he's innocent, Mr. Fussy yells at him for no reason.

Season 2

Mr. Rude is in 30 episodes in Season 2.

In only 6 of these episodes does he do anything wrong.

In 1 of the episodes where he's innocent, as well as one where he did do something wrong, Mr. Fussy yells at him for no reason.

Conclusions

In total, Mr. Rude only actually did anything wrong in 9 out of the 60 segments he's in, which is 15%. That's less than a quarter of the time. Even counting the three episodes I was unsure about, that's only 12/60. 20%. Still less than a quarter.

Why have I been bringing up Mr. Fussy? Because this experience genuinely made me not like him anymore. In only one out of Mr. Fussy's 7 appearances with Mr. Rude does he not yell at him, and in five of the times he does - it was completely unjustified.

Now, onto the episode by episode section!

Ah, you wanna see my episode by episode analysis? Well, I'll give you a quick color legend first.

Yellow - Mr. Rude does nothing wrong

Red - Mr. Rude does something wrong

Blue - Mr. Fussy yells at Mr. Rude for no reason

Pink - I have no idea what to put for this one lmao

Also, there's a ton of cursing in here because I wrote these notes as I went along and I don't feel like editing them to be more professional. You get what you get when it comes to Mr. Rude apologism.

SEASON 1

Flying - He does nothing wrong, he just asked Mr. Grumpy to do his fucking job. Though, I will admit, he was a dick about it.

Music - He does nothing wrong, Miss Naughty is a fucking bitch and Mr. Fussy targeted him for no got damn reason even though he has fucking ears and should have heard Miss Naughty going off on her fucking cymbals. Miss Naughty also tried to poison him so

Farm - He does nothing wrong, those bitch ass crows broke his fucking robot I cant believe this.

Booboos - He does nothing wrong, he literally just wants some decent service while he is in the fucking hospital and Mr. Scatterbrain is a fucking moron about it

Mall - He's barely in it and I will admit he is a bit of an asshole in this one but he doesn't do anything explicitly wrong

Birthday - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to buy a birthday present for his homie Mr. Grumpy. In fact, he shows that he cares about his friend because he knows what he would want (and gets something he wouldnt like, presumably as a joke). Hes a caring friend but also a troll.

Superstore - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to return his shitty toaster. It ends up well for everyone involved :)

Books - He does nothing wrong, he is literally just neurodivergent and cannot read social situations

Camping - He does nothing wrong, he tried to warn everyone that they were going the wrong way, and then called out Miss Whoops on her fucking bullshit and putting everyone in danger. He then proceeded to fucking die. Miss Daredevil doesnt even give a shit about two of the raft riders fucking dying what the fuck.

Paint - He does nothing wrong, he just wants to finish his painting commission.

Jobs - This is the one I time I'll admit he does something really wrong. He commits multiple driving related crimes, as well as throwing his sandwich at Mr. Quiet, splashing Mr. Nosey and Mr. Small, and taking advantage of Mr. Scatterbrain's stupidity. He also crumpled up Mr. Scatterbrain's drawing of a hamster.

Trains - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Fussy's a bitch ass motherfucker, and he did more good than bad because he rescued Mr. Messy at the end.

Fair - He does nothing wrong, he got a fucking pie yeeted at him of course he wouldn't like it. He does put the pie in Mr. Scatterbrain's face though but he already got it in his face so it's just even now. He then proceeds to be pelted with pies. But thankfully it seems like they're both having fun by the end.

Movies - Yeah he's a bit of an asshole in this one. He puts too much cheese on Mr. Happy's nachos (and then throws them at him). He does get his karma though cause he gets fucking trapped in the popcorn machine someone please save him oh my god.

Dance - He does nothing wrong, he just has taste.

Inventions - He does nothing wrong, Miss Chatterbox just doesnt like him for the way he is which is super fucked up of her. What the fuck, man. He accepts Miss Chatterbox's invention regardless. He then proceeds to be abused by everyone around him. Hes totally justified in being mean at the end.

Amusement Park - Okay yeah he was an asshole in this one, cause he was rude to Miss Calamity about her supposed grooming habits. However, he was also abused a lot during multiple of the bumpers, which I guess counts as karma.

Adventure - He literally doesnt even do anything in this one

Rainy Day - Dude, his entire fucking family died. Give him a break.

Games - He did nothing wrong, he won the fucking game but Mr. Scatterbrain took the credit what the fuck he only had 3 POINTS MR RUDE HAD 4 MR. HAPPY YOU DUMB YELLOW FUCK LEARN HOW TO COUNT

Restaurants - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Fussy is so fucking mean to him I will never get over this he deserves so much better what the fuck

Cars - he's just vibin man

Canned Goods - He does nothing wrong, he just ate some beans man

Collecting - he's barely in it and just kinda vibes

Full Moon - He does nothing wrong, he legit just got kidnapped by some fucking aliens with his alien husband

Heatwave - He does nothing wrong, 6 gay men just casually committed acts of Home Invasion and are going to be arrested for their crimes against him.

Sleep - He does nothing wrong, and I doubt anyone would have even noticed he was asleep if Miss Chatterbox kept her fucking mouth shut. He cant control what hes doing if hes fucking asleep. Even after all that he still clapped for Mr. Fussy, who hates him, at the end. What a champ.

Carwash - He does nothing wrong, Miss Calamity technically fucking kidnapped him what the fuck.

Lawns - He does nothing wrong, he didn't want to take his lawn to begin with and then got his lawn ruined for literally no reason, even after warning Me. Nosey and Mr. Small that their invention was gonna explode. He even gave Miss Chatterbox the joy in knowing she "won".

Parade - He does nothing wrong, he legit just made a float and Mr. Fussy fucking bullied him for it. What the fuck.

SEASON 2

Clean Teeth - Yeah hes a bitch in this one but Mr. Fussy was also a bitch so it evens out.

Airports - He does nothing wrong, he just wanted to go on his flight. Of anything, Miss Scary was more rude than he was.

Game Shows - He does nothing wrong like. Genuinely nothing, and then gets physically assaulted.

Hats - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Grumpy's just a fucking bitch and took credit for both his and Mr. Tickles hats. What the fuck, man.

Robots - He does nothing wrong, he legit just got his baguette burnt wtf

Up and Down - He's fine for the first bit but I will admit hes an asshole in the second one

Gifts - He does nothing wrong, he's just trying to keep Mr. Tickle from fucking assaulting people. Then his entire store is destroyed for no reason.

Sun and Moon - He does nothing wrong, he barely did anything at all

Telephone - I refused to watch this one I just know hes a bitch in it

Washing and Drying - He does nothing wrong, he just wanted his laundry done and he got assaulted at the end. Why is this a trend.

Fruit - He stole Miss Sunshines fucking fruit and then proceeded to endanger everyone around him by driving recklessly. What the fuck, man.

Radio - He does nothing wrong, Mr. Scatterbrain is just a moron, and Miss Whoops is a dumbass.

Supermarket - ???

Cinema - He doesn't do anything wrong, and he looks very nice in his new hat.

Post Office - He doesn't do anything wrong, hes trying his best okay (he also gets covered in stamps at the end)

Pets - He doesn't do anything wrong, he doesn't do anything at all

Dance Dance Dance - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Fussy's a fucking bitch

Trees - He doesn't do anything wrong, someone free him

Library - He didnt even do anything man

Pirates - He doesn't do anything wrong, in fact he is the first to jump in and protect his crewmates from the aliens. He also saves the entire space crew in the end.

Trains and Planes - He doesn't do anything wrong, he barely does anything to begin with

Out to Sea - He doesn't do anything wrong, it makes sense for him to act in his own self interest because he was stuck on a deserted island with those three morons for 30 fucking days. He didn't intend to take the boat, because the tide rolled him out. He is now inevitably going to die.

Next Door - Yeah hes a bitch in this one, but he didnt deserve to get his fucking car crushed.

Lunch - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Stubborn drew first blood.

Machines - This is a weird one. Is he really in the wrong for wanting to go home? I mean, it's safe to assume Miss Giggles is fucking dead if she was taken by a dinosaur. He even vows not to doubt Miss Daredevil at the end and is happy to see Miss Giggles okay

Fairies and Gnomes - even though he thinks it's silly that Mr. Nervous is scared of a garden gnome, he still "arrests" it to make him happy :)

Home Improvement - He doesn't do anything wrong, Mr. Stubborn is just a moron.

Birds - He doesn't do anything wrong, he was even nice enough to invite Mr. Nervous along for the birdwatching trip. He's totally justified in not giving a shit about Mr. Fussy because Mr. Fussy has been nothing bit horrible to him the entire show.

Parks - He does nothing wrong he just wanted a burger

Surprises - Refused to watch this one again, I just know hes a bitch

Wow, that's a lot. Anyways, as a proud Mr. Rude apologist, I conclude that he's an innocent man and doesn't deserve the shit he gets. I can get taking his drivers license though that man cannot drive for the life of him

[themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy]

I wanna see tony and the avengers finding out about peter having a long term gf and making fun of him, then meeting her and she's super nervous but they absolutely adore her and they keep embarrassing peter and hes just so red sksuxuksvsb

We’re having a sleepover!! Send in some requests for blurbs, headcanons, ships, or just tell me about your day! <3

Masterlist

Join my Taglist

Prompt lists

Ship Request Guidelines

I too would like to see this

I’m gonna make it more gender neutral just because :)

Let’s be real Peter Parker only has a few flaws but the biggest one is that he cannot keep any secret 

*Makes web fluid in chemistry while also expecting no one to know that he is the Spider-Man*

*Vaults over school gates while also expecting no one to know that he is the Spider-Man*

*Jumps out of the bus window in front of his whole school and puts on the Spider-Man mask while also expecting no one to know that he is the Spider-Man*

Anyways

So this relationship would have slipped out real fast

“And Y/N was like-”

“Who’s Y/N?”

Peter would get all blushy hehe

“Just my friend.” His voice cracks smh

loser

Every single person in that room knows that that is a LIE

“A close friend?”

“Uh, yeah, we’re pretty close, I guess.”

“How close?”

“I don’t really know how to judge how close we are-”

“Judging by the fact that your cheeks are as red as your suit, I say we’ve discovered something.” Tony just kinda smacks Peter a bit u know

Peter is on FIRE

A few weeks pass and you and Peter are standing outside on campus after school

Just talking

And a car pulls up, rolls down the window, and the person inside yells at u

You don’t quite hear what they’re saying but you heard your name and Peter’s and Peter pales at the voice

Come to find out that it’s Tony Stark

:))))))

You just kinda

:o

Peter is so red omg

He finally grabs your hand (his is all sweaty smh) and runs over to the car

Tony leans out the window all smooth smh

“I’m Tony Stark, but I bet you already knew that.”

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You’re just kinda :o still

“Um... we were gonna walk.”

“Change of plans, we’re never gonna get to see you this embarrassed again, so I’m kidnapping you both and taking you back to the tower. Everyone else already knows, there’s no escape.”

You’re almost peeing your pants bc Iron Man is telling you that he’s kidnapping you and that there is no escape

Peter just sighs, softly apologizes to you, and tugs you into the back of the car

You and Peter are frantically texting in the back like ‘is this legal’ ‘I don’t think laws apply to him anymore’ ‘if I’m not home before dinner I’m gonna be dead and not even Iron Man can save me’

You get to the tower and Tony is like aH u gen z kids and ur phOnes come on inside :)))

Tony puts a hand on both of your shoulders and steers you inside the tower

The elevator ride is so bad omg it’s just Peter being so awkward

“Is Captain Rogers here?” (Y’ALL I WROTE MR ROGERS AT FIRST KABGANJDFD)

“Of course, he’s about to lost a bet with me that Y/N actually exists. He didn’t think you were capable of it, kid.”

Peter is about to cRy

“And Ms. Romanoff?”

“Yeah. And Bucky, and Bruce, and Thor. You’re not getting cut any slack tonight.”

The elevator doors open and you go to step out but then Tony turns around and smiles at you

It’s like half genuine

“Welcome, Y/N.”

You walk into literal chaos

There is someone upside down on the couch (upon further inspection it is Thor, the god of tHuNdEr)

Two people are what looks like wrestling on the ground and honestly it just looks really gay (smh Bucky Steve can u not)

Captain America is the first one to notice u and shoves the other guy off

Frowns for a second

Pulls out his wallet

Hands Tony a ten dollar bill

“Wait, you really had a bet going?” Peter is so betrayed.

“Parker, you can’t even order at a restaurant without stuttering and nearly giving up, was I really supposed to believe you were smooth enough to land yourself a relationship?”

Peter is :(

The other guy gets off of the floor and u see that his whole arm is metal

You’re seriously almost crying u are so scared

There is like

such a dad

Just reading in the corner

And he looks up and sees you

He stands and politely introduces himself to you

“Hello Y/N, my name is Bruce Banner, it’s nice to meet you.” 

He is the only normal one smh

A woman stands up from the couch and she’s not visibly armed or anything but you can feel your soul leave your body because she is just so so intimidating

She walks over and gives u a lil smile

“I’m Natasha Romanoff. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

The man with the whole metal arm and Captain America stand up

They each introduce yourself and wow you just shook Captain America’s hand how does that feel

Steve likes you ngl he thinks you’re neat

Bucky doesn’t give you his metal arm to shake and you are thankful for that because you think you might pass out any second if he did

They invite you to sit down so you do and then Peter sits right next to you but then Steve sits on your other side and you’re so nervous

They’re watching some dumb action movie but like they’re the avengers that’s their whole lives

Bucky stays quiet but will laugh whenever Steve makes a crack about Peter being too awkward to have a relationship yet

Tony Steve and Natasha just destroy Peter

“Once time he was trying to swing upside down and-”

“Mr. Stark, please don’t-”

“And he not only fell, but he took the ceiling tile with him!”

“Mr Stark!”

“I had to replace that myself!” Tony just >:( at Peter and Peter is like o no

Natasha keeps ruffling his hair and each time she does Peter blushes redder and redder and you’re laughing more and more

They probably invite you for dinner ngl

I loved this idea so I made it super long oops

Taglist: @peachybabykxo @5aftermidnight @spideyyypeter @book-wyrm-snacks @loki-sharpe-hiddleston-imagines @set-phasers-to-cuddle @thecurlyhairedwinchester @lou-la-lou @ilostcount-helpme @snazzy-posts @meisiisem @stevieboyharrington @clean-and-claire @peter-null @embrace-themagic @yafriendlyfangirl @fandomnerdsarecool @ellie-emb @soniaxmsj @avngersunite @m4shtyx @sparkling-gayyy @nervous-shawn @americaswritings @robinkat3 @buckybabyy @mrsstarkstrange @servamp-addict @Darkworld-Student @alexiamiky2003 @freightcarcap @dumbasscorn @cordelia-sagewright @multifandomshitblog @stickybuckybarnesmarvel @dorcasmeadoweslupin @chloe-geoghegan1 @remusfreakinglupin @lostnliterature @chaospossum @closertothesunwhenimwithyou @serpent-tea @marvelouspottering @karanliginkizilovato @swansong321 @xinyourdreamsx @melannchoholic @swansong321 @xinyourdreamsx @melannchoholic @deathofthethrones @tylerposeforme @infinitywarrior @1penryn @spideymood @hp-hogwartsexpress @marvelandsuchstuff @cmweikle37 @marauders-trash-forever @lensedwriter @khaleesiclifford @gaylactic @southsidespidey @positiveparker @thisismysecrethappyplace @bellamyblakemorley @flower-holland @coonflix @not-jay-cosby @stardust.and.glitter @ink-bottlebouquet @mamarhee @marcymakemagic @tomshufflepuff @obsessedfangirl4lyfe @jade7he9em @spiderman-n @lush-bby @lush-bby @delicately-written @tnrthings @goldenariana   @gummyhoneybees @panic-at-top @captainbuckyy @mysticracoon @dumbass-sandwich @crushed-velvet-nothings @iwritemaybe @ariagrillart   @hiddlestonstansworld @raavka @maraudersandco @lokislilcarribbeanprincess @sock-and-sandles @potterhead-of-ilvermorny @spencer-is-too-perfect @my-babies-are-ash @whysoseriouspadfoot @mysticalsandwichseeker @existingovertherainbow @laurenicochran @graciegxo @silverquartx @peetieparker @smhavengers @nefelimalfoy @sedanleystanley @yallgotkik @jessicaklehrwinchesters @keey-lime-pi @screeching-student-unknown @soakingandsoaring @chrisstabme @sovereignoblivious @itsanarttodie @hollandhours @multifxndom-avxngers @galaxyoffangirls @just4muggles @everything-s-comin-up-aces @binki-g @hbknati @tomhollandhasnolips @awkward-useless-unicorn @justinekomwriterkru @boomtownboy @sedanleystanley @starryeyedsupernova @mcu-potter-pirate @mikylxhh @parkersingfinitywar @the17resa @spiderparkersfanpage @good-old-fashioned-queens @chillinjules @ragnorak-dust-deactivated201903 @majesticavenger @honestlylrh @jellyfishwriter @queenvoiid @thewitchmadness @righttide @marvelousmarauderstrash @its-the-unknownspidey @hero-ically @itshelaodinsdottirbitch @lovinnholland @sewarner @its-shaula-wii @bloomingonmay @lokeystan @peterparkersbb @deavvy @jbetsiea7-23 @rose-aesthete @built4broadway @hp-hogwartsexpress

[britishassistant]

But I Like One Piece (5)

Naruto is not being helpful.

At all.

“Make him the orange curry.” He says. “I heard he loves curry, believe it.”

“You mean the chicken tikka masala, which you described as ‘fire in food form’?” She asks wryly.

He points a dramatic finger at her. “YOU ADMIT IT!”

“Inside voice please, Naruto-kun!” Okaa-sama calls from the other room.

“Sorry Mayu’s Okaa-san!” He calls back. “But yeah, you should make him eat the fire curry, believe it.”

She sighs. “I’m not gonna make him eat the ‘fire curry’. I’m not sure if I’m gonna make him any food yet.”

She looks up when he scoffs, but continues, “...I don’t know if he needs it or not—whether he’s going have a live-in caretaker, or go into the Orphanage with Lee or what. I’ll wait until he comes back to the Academy and then we’ll see.”

“S’not what it sounded like last week, believe it.” Naruto grumbles.

He’s sitting on the countertop and banging his heels against the cupboards behind her. Loudly.

She tries counting to ten in her head.

She makes it to seven.

She turns and grabs his ankles. “Look, what’s this about?”

“Nothin’! Leggo!” He scowls and tries to tug his legs out of her grip.

She wraps her arms around them to prevent his escape, scowling right back.

“You weren’t like this when I fed Sakura and Lee, or shared food with Kiba and Chouji.” She points out, tightening her grip to stop him from kneeing her in the chin on accident. “What’s so special about Uchiha?”

“Everyone thinks he’s special!” He yells, going red in the face. “They’re all like ‘oh, isn’t it sad he’s all alone’, like I wasn’t alone too!! I’m sorry his family died, but I never knew mine!! I never had mine!! And no–nobody e-ev-ever told me ‘sorry your parents are gone’ or c-c-cared about—about me being all on my own, except Jiji an’ Teuchi an’ Ayame an’ you an’ Okaa-san an’ Otou-san, an’—a-an’—”

She watches, horrified, as fat tears slide faster down his face. “An’—an’ now you’re gonna make food f’r him, and you’re gonna like him better’n me, jus’ like Jiji does, an’ you won’t wanna be my friend any-any—”

She pinches his arm sharply, ignoring his pained yelp.

“Don’t.” She threatens, swallowing around a lump in her throat. “Don’t you dare spout that nonsense around me, Uzumaki Naruto, do you understand?! How could you—how could you even think that?!”

“You were gonna give him food.” He sniffs, glaring reproachfully.

“What—you think—you think I just feed people because I wanna be their friend?!” She asks, incredulous and insulted.

Naruto nods, hesitantly.

She drags her hands over her face, ignoring that they come away wet.

“Right. You listen to me Uzumaki, and you listen good. I. Will. Always. Feed. The. Hungry. Even if I hate their guts.”

Naruto blinks, looking slightly alarmed as she rants. “I didn’t even know Sakura’s name when we made that cake together! I just cooked with her because she was hungry. Shit, if my worst enemy were trying to kill me, and couldn’t finish the job because they were starving, I would feed them. Maybe with foods they hate, but I’d still feed them. Because I am a bloody professional and those who let people go hungry are scum.”

He startles back as she grabs his knees again. “You are not my friend because I fed you. You are my friend because you stuck around and took me to Ichiraku’s and defended me and you’re nice and funny and gave me a drawing of Luffy and Habu-san and I like you, you little shit. You’re my best friend. I am not replacing you. Not now, not ever. You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”

Naruto gulps, eyes shining bright again and lower lip wobbling.

She sniffs fiercely, ignoring the trembling in her hands.

“Ketsugi Mayu.” Okaa-sama’s voice comes from behind her, and her blood runs cold. “What have I told you about using profanity?”

That’s how she ends up on another week-long ban from cooking.

Naruto tries to make it up to her with a stream of too-tight hugs.

It partly works. Partly.

Otou-sama clicks his tongue at her when he gets home and Okaa-sama tells him what happened, and musses up her hair.

Then he picks up Naruto and spins him around like he used to do to her when she was small, and carries him into the entrance hall to sit on the stairs, the one place in the house where there are no nearby windows.

She tries to listen in while she’s setting the table, standing closer to the door than she really needs to.

“...not for that, you’d be wearing a pelican...” is all she hears before Okaa-sama grabs her shoulder and steers her back into the kitchen.

Naruto’s eyes are swollen again when her father carries him back in for dinner.

Hers and Okaa-sama’s ramen still isn’t as good as Teuchi-sama’s at Ichiraku’s. But Naruto eats it just as quickly, eagerly gulping down the shoyu broth and pouting over-dramatically when there aren’t seconds.

Okaa-sama insists he wash his face before he leaves so his eyes aren’t sore tomorrow.

It’s cutting very close to his curfew when he finally leaves, twisting around to look back at them as he walks down the street.

Okaa-sama and Otou-sama hug her before she goes to bed that night and tell her how proud of her they are.

She returns the embrace greedily, whispering she’s proud of them too.

Sasuke Uchiha doesn’t return to school for another two weeks.

During that time, Kiba managed to insult Shino by repeatedly asking if he was sure his bugs weren’t fleas.

She didn’t understand the comment, until literal insects begin pouring out of Shino’s sleeves and chasing Kiba and Akamaru.

Well, that explained the buzzing.

Ino added to the pandemonium by shrieking so loud she thought her eardrums would burst and swatting a load of the insects in one swipe. Which made Shino howl in pain and turn his wrath on her as well.

The teacher had given them all detention, on the grounds that none of them stopped the incident from happening or went and snitched to him.

She sat between Shino and Sakura and doodled Usopp on the worksheet they were supposed to be working on.

Ino was sandwiched somewhat unwillingly by Chouji and Shikamaru, who were whispering furiously to her. Kiba was in a similar position with Hinata and Naruto.

“That person cannot be real, or you are bad at drawing.” Shino said, peeking at her paper. “Why? Because his nose is impractically long.”

“Shino!” Sakura hissed from her other side. “That’s not very nice!”

“He may not be real, but I like him anyway.” She replied, tapping the pencil against the paper. “His name is Usopp. He’s a pirate sharpshooter who can hit anything with a slingshot.”

“Unlikely. Why? Because a slingshot does not have half the accuracy or firing power of a bow, a shuriken, or a firing arm.”

“For him it does.” She says fondly. “He’s also a coward, but he’s brave when it counts and he loves insects. It’s funny, because they’re just about the one thing he doesn’t run away from.”

“Ah.” Shino says. He takes another, longer look at the drawing.

The next day, Ino and Kiba apologize to Shino with a wounded air.

He nods stiffly, but still flinches away from Ino.

At lunchtime, he sits in between Shikamaru and Chouji, and Ino switches places with her to be at the end of the table, away from him.

She offers him half of an egg and watercress sandwich. He accepts it with a nod.

He lifts his sleeve onto the table.

While everyone else draws in a wary breath, insects, shiny-black and dull brown, crawl out onto the table.

They crawl around and settle down and hold still in a certain pattern. Black ones mimicking waves of curls and dark eyes with long eyelashes. Brown ones outlining a bandana, a jawline and an impractically long nose.

It’s Usopp.

Or the not-very-good drawing of Usopp she showed him yesterday. But still. Usopp.

She grins widely, darting a pleased look up at him.

Shino nods again, the insects breaking formation and trundling back up his sleeve. He begins eating the sandwich.

She looks up to find Ino looking...strangely elated?

Sakura wiggles her eyebrows at her, mouthing ‘we are going to talk’.

She rolls her eyes and tucks into her own lunch.

“Mayu-chan, is it true you’re in love with Shino?!”

Naruto bursts out with this question just as Otou-sama takes a sip of his orange juice at breakfast.

Otou-sama chokes on his juice, and Okaa-sama leans over with a concerned “Anata!” as he coughs, going red in the face.

Gai-sensei stares at her, lower lip wobbling.

Lee just tilts his head at Naruto and goes, “Who is Shino?”

“He’sh the bug guy.” Naruto says with his mouth full, the traitor. “He did Mayu-chan a pishture with bugs.”

Rice falls from her chopsticks and splats onto the table.

“HOW YOUTHFUL!!!” Gai-sensei wails. “Mayu-chan is experiencing the blossoming of ROMANCE!!”

“No.” She says desperately. “I’m not. Really, really not.”

Shino is seven years old. She’s mentally twenty (most of the time) and not a pedophile.

“Ah! Congratulations, Mayu-chan!” Lee beams. “I hope your love is as passionate as the Will of Fire!”

Nami give her patience.

“Naruto, who did you hear this from?” She asks.

Her chopsticks creak in her grip.

“Sakura-chan!” He chirps, pointing an accusing finger at her. “She said you showed him a picture of long-nose-guy who likes bugs after Ino squished his, and then he did the picture in bugs, an’ you were really happy! She called it suuuuuuper ro-man-tick, believe it!”

“He’s not ‘long-nose-guy’.” She seethes, plotting Sakura’s demise. Or not demise. Inconvenient disappearance due to her hair turning green, maybe. “His name is Usopp.”

Okaa-sama kneels in front of her. “Mayu-chan...would you like us to send a request for marriage negotiations to this boy’s family?”

It goes so silent one could hear a pin drop.

“Marriage what.” She wheezes.

Okaa-sama squeezes her hands. “I know it may seem sudden.” She says. “But...with the Ketsugi clan being what it is...”

“What your mother’s trying to say Mayu-chan,” Her father cuts in, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Is that clans are required to do things certain ways, or else they risk dissolution. Even branches like us. But we want you to be happy. And if you think that you l-love this boy, and that you would enjoy living your life with him...”

Her mouth works soundlessly. Naruto and Lee just look extremely confused.

Gai-sensei has stopped crying, at least. But he’s frowning, bushy brows furrowed.

“Your father and I...we were very lucky with each other.” Okaa-sama smiles softly. “We want you to have that same luck, or better, if you can.”

“You did not have a choice in your love?” Gai-sensei’s voice is strangely soft.

Her parents immediately fluster, going redder than beetroot.

“That’s, um—” Her father stammers. “We, ah—” Her mother squeaks.

“HOW INCREDIBLY YOUTHFUL OF YOU TWO!!!” He yells, tears springing anew to his eyes as he somehow sweeps both of her parents up in a hug. “TO MANAGE TO FIND LOVE IN EACH OTHER WHERE OTHERS ONLY CARED ABOUT OBLIGATION!! I AM OVERWHELMED WITH ADMIRATION FOR YOUR DEVOTION!!”

She can practically see the steam coming out of Otou-sama and Okaa-sama’s ears. That much blood in someone’s face can’t be healthy.

She shoves the last of her rice into her mouth, shooting Naruto a look that has him eating his double-time and helping to feed Lee the remnants of his breakfast while he’s left starry-eyed by the adults’ display.

She scribbles a brief note explaining that no, Shino’s just a friend, there’s no need for any marriage arrangements until she’s at least twenty.

Then she grabs Naruto, Lee, and their bentos, and runs like her life depends on it.

Sakura makes the mistake of waving when she sees them come in through the gate.

Her expression goes from smiling to wary when she sees Mayu drop the two boys and zero in on the pink-haired girl

“Haruno.” She growls. “Run.”

Haruno Sakura runs.

And escapes up into a tree. Which she’s never been very good at climbing.

She scowls and kicks the trunk, wishing it would break.

“Get down here so I can punch you in the shins.” She tells the tree grumpily.

“What?! Why?! I didn’t do anything!!” Sakura’s voice emerges from between the leaves.

“You told Naruto I was in love with Shino.” She hisses.

The tree is suspiciously quiet. “...No I didn’t.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Yeah, pray to Usopp to make you better at lying. Because that one’s awful.”

The tree’s leaves rustle indignantly. “But I didn’t! I was just talking to Ino about how you two would be cute as a couple, and Naruto was eavesdropping!!”

“You told INO?!” That’s it, her life here is over, time to run away to become a pirate before the engagement can be arranged.

“Sakura, I’ve just barely convinced my parents to stop planning marriage negotiations!!” She seethes. “Ino will tell everyone and set back all my progress!!”

There’s a moment of quiet.

Then a strange, high-pitched noise begins emanating from the tree. Across the schoolyard, Akamaru whimpers and buries his head in his paws. It sounds a bit like a dentist’s drill, so it takes her a moment to place it.

“NO!!” She roars, red-faced and pointing an accusing finger at the tree. “STOP SQUEALING! THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO SQUEAL ABOUT!!”

Sakura does not listen.

She ends up squealing and kicking her little legs so hard she falls out of the tree.

Luckily Lee dives under her, and she considers the expression Sakura makes at realizing exactly who caught her adequate punishment.

It takes her an entire day to sort this mess out.

Ino and Sakura take sadistic joy in her suffering. Lee is confused but supportive. Hinata and Shikamaru stay out of it as much as they can.

Kiba and Naruto exploit it to tease her and Shino for all they’re worth. So does the rest of the class, once they realize they now have prime taunting material.

Hell, even the teacher gets in on it by telling Shino he doesn’t know what he sees in her, and that a kunoichi who wasn’t afraid of hand signs would be a much more suitable match for a clan heir like him.

She gets detention for flipping him off.

Only Shino and Chouji seem to be as upset as she is.

She never realized what a loyal and true friend Chouji was before this.

She needs to appreciate him more.

She brings extra pork belly for him in her lunch the next day, to thank him for not betraying her.

His eyes light up when she gives him the food and a hug, and he eats eagerly.

Shino spends all of that morning with his head on the table. He only turns it to the side when Shikamaru finally pokes him.

“I am contemplating running away.” He says solemnly. “Why? Because my father spent all of yesterday evening trying to reassure me about the rumors surrounding Ketsugi-san and myself and telling me I will be a catch when I am older.”

She grimaces in commiseration. She finally got through to her parents and Gai-sensei, but they had then insisted on telling her similar platitudes all throughout breakfast.

She thought she knew embarrassment. She was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots a dark-haired head where there isn’t one normally.

She does a double take.

“Wait,” She asks, throughly confused. “When did Uchiha get back?”

The table freezes. Most of them twist around to confirm that, yes, Uchiha Sasuke is sitting at a desk at the far end of the classroom, glaring at them darkly while eating a tomato slice.

“Yesterday.” Shikamaru says dryly.

He then winces at Ino’s ear-piercing shriek, berating him loudly for not saying something earlier.

That people forget (mostly) about her and Shino is about the only good thing to come from Uchiha Sasuke’s return.

She vaguely remembers him pre-massacre. He seemed alright enough, but he hung out with a different group of people to her and Naruto, so they never interacted much.

Those people appear to be gone now though, given how alone he is now.

This suggests he never had any friends outside of his relatives, which she’ll admit is a bit odd, given how large that group was.

Guess there were more Uchiha in the class than she thought? But that doesn’t feel right...

Point is, he was an okay kid with friends.

Now, he’s...not.

Not for lack of trying of course. She finally understands what Naruto meant by “special”.

Even outside the well-wishers who repeatedly try to convey their condolences, half the girls in the class seem to lose their heads over him as the weeks go on.

Ino in particular begins to sing his praises endlessly, going on about how “aloof” and “cool” he is, to the point where Chouji, patient, kind Chouji, begs her to talk about anything else.

This is why she should’ve been reborn into One Piece. She wouldn’t have had to deal with this romance bullshit in a series where the main character’s asexual.

Sakura just sighs and stares at him, ignorant of how Naruto droops every time she does so.

(She tries to console him with extra food and too-tight hugs. It partly works. Partly.)

Even the teacher uses him as the standard against which all their work is judged, praising his stance in the Academy katas, his precision with throwing weapons, his answers on tests.

To hear others say it, Uchiha Sasuke is a prodigy who’s overcome his trauma through sheer determination and talent.

So why does he keep glowering at their lunchtime group like they’re somehow part of his tragedy?

[cyanidas]

Pls get into Penny Arcade Adventures: a summary

I killed the creators it's my city now

here's the setting;

1920s lovecraftian horror comedy-to-tragedy with Sherlock Holmes undertones and gay subtext that for the purpose of my rendition I'm making explicit

Plot synopsis;

You play as Yourself. You live in a nice suburb, nice home, on Desperation Street, in New Arcadia - a fucked up city with a power imbalance. A giant robot just crushed your house and 2 weird guys are chasing after it, so you pick up your rake and start swinging at tinier robots, which also just suddenly appeared. You crave vengeance. You also team up with the guys to take down a few gods and it all goes downhill from there.

Game one: d--k jokes galore + f-ck mimes

Game two: comedic torture + f-ck ableists and rich people

Game three: the world ends + we meet some badasses, Gabe gets a cape

Game four: HELL WE'RE UNDER HELL also you're playing pokemon the whole game too

Characters;

You! You're blunt, snarky, and rightfully pissed that you're now homeless because of a stupid robot. You stop at nothing and you are so, so tired.

Tycho Brahe. A respectable guy who no one respects, majored in Apocalyptics, always on his toes, has a very leaderly aura. He's smart, kinda dorky, but probably cares about a well-read book more than a human life. He uses guns.

Jonathan Gabriel. I only draw him as kinda burly so that's all you're gonna get. The dumbass who gets pegged and probably thinks gender is a myth (he's right). He's silly, imo he's autistic-coded and I for one identify with that, and he's always down for a good brawl.

Anne-Claire. A sweet little girl in a pretty pink dress who is a mechanical genius, has shitty parents, and loves scientists and getting her hands on tech. She's Tycho's niece and helps you beef up your weapons.

Jim! He's a skull in a jar of green goo, and talks too much.

Moira. Tycho's ex fiancé? Wife? Girlfriend? Shrugs. She's a detective who also wields guns, hates Tycho so much, but sticks around because the world's is falling apart. She's pretty cool but only shows up in the 2nd half.

There's many more. That's only a chip off the gold block.

Pros;

Watching the descent from comedy into tragedy is one hell of a ride you will not wanna miss. It makes you go thru fridge horror thinking of all the implications when comparing 1 and 2, to 3 and 4.

The plot twist still gets me and I've been a fan for years. Don't trust the Narrator. That's all i wanna say.

The creators had little to say for the 3rd and 4th games, so in comparison they're better written and the difference is noticeable.

You get to beat up rich people

If you make fanart or fanfic, it will be noticed by the whole fandom

The games have f-ck all to do with the comics, god bless

Cons;

The fandom is 3 people big 😔

Fuck the creators

The plot of 2 is a little over the line of offensive, taking place in an asylum. It's overlooked if you consider that the enemies are all brainwashed, but if it's still bothersome then it's easily ignored.

If you don't like homeless jokes?? I guess avoid this

Grinding sucks d--k and 3 and 4 drag on forever because of this. The songs will get so annoying. I will kill Fish Force with my bare hands.

The games cost money :(

In conclusion;

Please play the games we're begging you. Pirate them or something idc

If not then me and @diredevilrulz are working on a cut-down letsplay of all the games. Still trucking along tho.

If you enjoy Flux Buddies, especially S4, or Ao Oni - then you'll definitely love this series. It's a trip. It really is.

[imaginemycroftholmes]

@grand-admiral-luna

“No one can know about her,” Moriarty fussed to his loyal sidekick Sebby, the Terror Tiger, looked unfazed by the declaration from his boss.

This wasn’t something new to him considering their gigs as superheroes for the greater part of London.

As Pyro Professor and Terror Tiger they constantly battled with the evil masterminds such as Ice Man, Purple Pirate or even worse, tango with their favorite henchman, Captain Action.

It was always a game of cat and mouse as the lone duo tried to rid the city of their influence and control while managing to evade arrest. A deed, most annoying slow considering Mycroft Holmes aka Ice Man had his hand in the pockets of every major business and authority.

To have their own sibling Eurus as their mole was a blessing the city couldn’t afford to lose as she had a watchful eye on both her brothers evil schemes. 

“Boss, if the Ice Man and Purple Pirate haven’t caught onto our real identities by now then I don’t think we have to worry about it,” Sebby rationalizes to Jim, “I mean they still won’t come to terms that the Holmes brothers are villains so why worry about us?”

“Because if they figure out who we are our families will be in danger,” Jim stresses, “They  could be used as bait or worse!”

 This isn’t the first time that Jim had gone off like this about his sister _____ after a difficult foiling of the dastardly duo but this is one of the few times it was too close for comfort.

However, being an orphan of war Sebastian can’t imagine what it feels like to lose someone but if its anything by the way Jim acts he know it can’t be good.

Not one of them could figure out why or how ______ kept ending up near their battles but it was starting  to put Jim on edge and when Jim is on edge then he’s crawling up his back with complaints that makes him want to claw off the backs of the infamous Holmes brothers just to make Jim stop crying.

And he just got his titanium claws resharpened just for the occasion. 

Watching and (tuning out) his boss’s ramblings about keeping his sister safe Sebastian turns his attention to the big screen showing off the city’s zones praying for a distraction when a cellphone rings.

“I’m holding out for a hero! I’m holding out for a hero until the morning's light..”

If it wasn’t for the fact that Jim was surrounded by some of his most dangerously sensitive bombs-the ones that only required just a light pressure to set off- Sebastian might have found it funny how he fumbled for his phone to answer it. 

With his cat-like reflexes he swooped in to drag the the nervous man from dropping his device on what would be an instant death for them both and answered the phone for him.

“Hello?”

“Sebby,” comes an excited voice from the other line, “It’s great to hear you! How has the canning business going with you two lately?”

Sebastian winces both at the moniker that ____ picked up from her brother and the fact that she still believes that lie.

How anyone believes that lie is beyond him but then again, people still can’t believe that Sherlock Holmes is the Purple Pirate DESPITE WEARING THE SAME OUTFIT EACH TIME BUT ONLY PURPLE. THERE’S NO MASK TO OBSCURE HIS FACE OR HAIR BUT WHEN HE TRIES TO SHOW PEOPLE THAT THEY THINK HE’S “CRAZY”.

But thanks to his ever witty and not good with lies on the spot partner the first thing that came out of his mouth for their nightly activities is starting a canning business and they’re in a relationship.

Needless to say, this puts a damper on his dating life but for the life of him Sebastian doesn’t have the heart to cheat on Jim for fear of _____’s private version of “You hurt him and I’ll make sure you have a 4 year slow death in the backyard tool shed back in Sussex where no one can hear you scream.”

If ______ is anywhere near as bad as Moriarty Sebastian doesn’t want to be on her bad side. 

“Yeah, its going great _____,” Sebastian says convincingly while shooting a glare at Jim who is piteously trying to reach for his phone, “So what are you up to sunshine?”

“I’m so glad you asked,” she continues with enthusiasm, “You see, I met this guy...”

“You met a guy you say,” Sebastian parrots loudly knowing good and well that it would send her brother into a rage.

“A GUY?? WHO IS HE?? SEB! GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!”

It really shouldn’t bring Sebastian as much joy as it does but Jim jumping desperately to retrieve his phone but it does and he continues to torment him.

“So what? you want me and Jim to meet him,” Sebastian carries on causally like Jim isn’t trying to scale him.

And failing.

“Yeah, actually. I’ve kinda been seeing him for over 2 months now and want him to get acquainted with you guys because I might be bringing him home for Christmas this year,” she states with more confidence than her brother wearing spandex tights.

“Ya know that’s a pretty big step in a relationship right?”

“I know,” _____ agrees, “But this guy is just so right for me that I don’t feel like its too big of  deal.”

  ‘Yeah I know,” Sebastian concedes, “But you know that your brother is going to have kittens right?”

“Well, that’s why I want you to come with. Nothing can settle someone down like their spouse am I right?”

“Spouse...right...”

“Speaking of which is my brother around?”

Looking around and finding that Jim had skunked off somewhere was alarming.The guy never gave up that easily which was why he was the Purple Pirate’s favorite target. 

“I think he may have ran to the loo-” Sebastian tries to say before an image of terror, Moriarty running full speed with one of his guns toward him with a battle cry of “GIVE ME MY PHONE” being heard throughout the hide out. 

“No, wait! ____, here he is,” Sebastian cries as he throws the device at Jim and runs for cover.

The phone is quickly caught by Jim who purrs his hellos to her and then promptly hangs up.

Sebastian doesn’t have to turn around from his hiding spot to know that its Moriarty standing behind him. His voice is dark and deadly as he leans closer.

“You tease me like that again when ______ is calling and I’ll clip those claws permanently.” 

“Yes boss,” Sebastian responds carefully knowing that when Jim is in one these moods that his life can very well be in forfeit because for all of Jim’s silliness he was a damn genius with an affinity for violence and murder. 

He could only shudder of what horrors Moriarty would unleash if he had not been on the side of angels.

“So, when are we meeting him?”

“Next Tuesday at 6″, Jim spats coldly, ‘And you had better not make us late.”

“You know that’s not my faul-” Sebastian says defensively until he sees the look of murder in his boss’s eyes. “I mean, sure boss,” he corrects himself, “are you going to use Eurus to spy on the bloke?”

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I want to know the scum who’s shacking up with my sister? I want to know who he is, what he does and what he shits to see if he’s good enough for her! I wanna maul the guy with all the dirt I have on him so he’ll fuck off and leave us alone.”

Poor guy Sebastian thinks as his boss stalks off to Skype Eurus he can’t be all bad if ____ likes him.

                                XxXxXxX

“YOU.”

“Believe me the feeling is mutual.”

“Guys, can we settle down please! We’re in a public place!!”

“You gotta be kidding me.”

Here, sitting before him in the flesh in one of his bespoken suits, is the Ice Man at one of the nicer restaurants in London acting like he’s an honest to God good man beside Jim’s sister. 

Like the guy hadn’t tried to murder them last week for foiling their slave labor camps in India or tortured them on occasion.

And to make matters worse his hand is on _____’s thigh, oh my God Jim is going to murder him before the waiter even arrives.

________ has her hands up as is to stop her brother from launching himself over the table to fight and pronounces quickly, “I can explain!”

Well this would explain why Eurus couldn’t find information on him Sebby muses as the air becomes frigid. 

Crap, its one of Ice Man’s classic moves Sebastian thinks as other civilains begin to feel the icy sting.

“Explain what,” Jim spits out venomously, “that this monster brainwashed you into thinking that it loves you? That not even you can recognizes that he’s the Ice Man, the man responsible for the poverty and waste in our country? That he’s so evil that members of his own family are trying to end his tyranny?”

“Jimmy!”

“Now you see here, you two-bit genius,” Mycroft interjects, “I may make up causes and strife for my own gain but my love for ______ is one of the few things from me that are true.”

“Bullshit! You’re just using her to get to me!”

“Why would he want you when you already have Sebby,” _____ cries.

“I’m not gay!”

Sebastian can already see their waiter in the distance looking far too nervous to approach the shouting match that was their table so he shooed him off with a “come back later.”

Realizing that this would not only lead to a needless blood bath but to unmasking their identities to the public Sebastian tries his attempt to at least save this meal.

Tapping his glass to get their collective attention Sebastian starts,” Shut the hell up, you guys are causing a scene.”

Pointing at Mycroft accusing Jim begins to mouth out, “But he started-”

“I don’t care who started this I told you to shut up!”

He looks around the table at the lot of them.

______ looking confused and hurt that anyone would accuse Mycroft of anything less than sainthood, Mycroft torn between tearing ____ away with him like the villain he is or staying to suss out any evil intent toward her and Jim seemingly five seconds from ignoring the command to maul the Ice Man outright.

Praying to whatever deity that cursed him into a situation like this Sebastian began. “Look, we can’t outright believe that Ice Ma-I mean, Mycroft has the best intentions toward you _______-”Only to be interrupted by Jim’s HA!

Giving Jim a glare Sebastian continues, “However, JIM, we also can’t lawfully say that Mycroft’s feelings aren’t true because we aren’t mind readers.”

“I bet I can find us one on Craigslist!”

“Jimmy shut the hell up,” ______ hisses before gesturing for Sebastian to carry on. “So, my proposal is that we, Jim and I, monitor you two just to make sure that you’re safe.”

“But I’m 32,” ______ complains, “I’m too old for a chaperone!”

“Listen, I’m doing what I can _____. It’s either this or Jim’s going to try and murder Mycroft when you’re not around. It’s a compromise.”

“As if he could after all this time,” Mycroft snidely remarks.

“Maybe I just didn’t have the right motivation,” Jim counters getting squared up.

“Promises, promises,” Mycroft teases as he gestures for a waiter,” Besides we both know who the better genius is.”

“Yeah, your little sister.”

The air was becoming increasingly frigid to the point where Sebby was sure that he would have to evacuate people from the premises until _____ leaned onto Mycroft’s shoulder, melting away the frost.

“Guys, guys! Let’s stop the banter and eat! I’ve been dying to try this menu for ages,” _______ says cuddling Mycroft’s chill into submission.

“Anything you wish ______,” Mycroft says fondly in a way that makes Jim’s skin crawl.

Later after the bill was (fought over) and paid for  _____ hung back with him while Mycroft and Jimmy went to “talk” about some ground rules in private.

 “Sebby, why do Mycroft and Jimmy hate each other,” she asked innocently, “I know they never went to school together and Mycroft rarely leaves his office so how would they know each other enough to despise one another?”

Cursing his boss and this ridiculousness of their town Sebastian states, “We’re rival canning companies.”

“Oh, well that makes sense.” 

Listen, I’m not the best at superhero/villain names so cut me some slack. 

[applegelstore]

So we (=my sister plays, I watch her and do other stuff besides) have finally marathoned through Tales of Berseria (only the post-game sidequests left). So here’s excerpts of my final verdict (mostly in contrast to Zesty because sorry but I can’t help it. Plus, it’s the prequel for Maotelus’ sake). Cut for massive length and very heavy spoilers, obviously! No reviews, though, just incoherent ramblings. Many, many incoherent ramblings.

-The plot is indeed kinda more exciting than Zestiria. Which isn’t particularly hard. I mean there are many reasons why I love Zestiria, but the plot (and the villains) sure aren’t one of them. The plot was kinda just… there and didn’t do any harm, but honestly I could just have watched a 200 episode show of plotless party banter and would have enjoyed it just the same. The plot in neither game makes particularly much sense, tho.

-I have a billion questions and somehow most of them concern Zaveid’s gun in both games. Like, how does it actually work? It separates fusings, but it’s the basis for the invention of the armatus? Apparently it also boosts magic? Idk. And where does it come from? Let me guess, there was that super advanced sci-fi-civilization that lived on the planet like 20 000 years ago and is now forgotten *insert dramatic music here*

-How on earth did Velvet get out of that volcano…? But as long as Morgrim is safe, I’m good.

-On that note, Velvet literally screaming WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! at the volcano made me kinda happy

-whenever she has facepalm/I’m so done/I’m surrounded by idiots moments, I feel her very much

-Despite the headscratchers, I’m totally digging the Berseria/Zestiria worldbuilding, like hell

-Sue me but I still like the Zestiria characters lightyears better than the Berseria characters. Mostly because they’re funnier, more relatable, and also because I honestly don’t like the Darker and Edgier trope. But also because the costume designs are goddamn awful, Magilou is an obnoxious pest, and it takes Eleanor far too many hours of game play to get that other people than abbey members have human rights (I ended up liking her in the end but honestly getting there was a pain). BTW yes, Velvet, Phi and Eleanor probs have more dramatic changes in personality over the course of the game than the Zesty squad combined, but can anybody explain to me what kind of character development Eizen, Rokurou and Magilou display? …Thought so. Also, no, dramatic 180° turn character development is NOT a prerequisite for good character writing in my opinion, thank you very much. I also think that mental breakdowns aren’t a prerequisite, just in case you were wondering. I’m honestly not a big fan of the Heroic B.S.O.D. trope, although there might be some exceptions where I thought it was well done. I still prefer to do without.

-At least I can tolerate Magilou and Eleanor now that the former got a backstory and the latter finally learned how not to be a dick

-Phi’s constant complaints that he doesn’t want to be treated like a child (I’ve got bad news for you sweetie, you’re TEN) do horrible things to my headcanon that he simply stays physically 10 for eternity, but don’t think I’d give up too soon

-however, I guess we can establish that he plays splatter games with a burning passion

-I am very glad that the monster doggies and the monster bird are safe and sound in the epilogue

-WHERE IS FIRE MUM

-How on earth do people defend the opinion that Berseria was less of a button smasher game than Zestiria?? Because honestly in Zestiria I never managed to win battles by doing nothing but frantically smashing X/Square/Triangle/Circle without any plan or order.

-THE BATTLE CAMERA IS SO MUCH BETTER THO I can control it freely! Oh bless the new camera. I want that so hard in Zestiria. It would help a bunch.

-the equipment upgrade and drop system is also a billion times more effective in the sense that you don’t have to carefully plan your fusings (guess who’s always too lazy to do that) and fruitlessly try to farm the drops for that for hours (guess who’s too lazy for that as well, and also helplessly underlevelled because she’s so lazy and ends up with bosses one or two hitting an armatus even on normal mode *coughs*). Bless.

-I mean the new equipment system in Berseria is basically Final Fantasy IX but for lazy noobs. There’s ups and downs to that, I guess?

-Meirchio is so goddamn pretty, I didn’t even realise that in ToZX. Guess I was distracted by how bad the trainwreck is. Anyway I love everything about this town

-Aball and its surroundings incl. Taliesin also deserve awards

-the dungeons and field areas weren’t anymore interesting than Zestiria, tho

-btw Aball=Avalon? Magical apple island and stuff? Just asking because honestly some of the Arthurian references are pretty obscurely named (it took me quite a while to get the Lastonbell=Glastonbury reference, too, trollolol. Anyone else reminded of Good old Ah! My Goddess translation sins? I mean, come on… Verdandi to Belldandy? Apparently, correctly transcribing Roman letters into Japanese script is even more difficult than Ancient Avarost)

-Morgrim, let me love you, please take all my blessings, you are purrfectly pleasantly plump and I want to cuddle you and give you kisses

-why exactly was Shigure one of the bad guys?? It still escaped me after we cut him in half, sacrificed his soul to some ancient deity, and killed his deceased, reincarnated, dragonised mum

-speaking of which, is it really clever to use the souls of your mortal enemies to revive gods that you want to be on your side!?

-anyway, screw you, Melchior, in particular

-Bienfu is a strong contender for most annoying mascot ever and I still wanted to throw him into the ocean hours into the game. I swear if I have to hear him yell BIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN just once more in my life I’m gonna punch the screen.

-I’m with Jude on the pengyons. I mean I guess killing and eating them is preferable to killing them but not eating them, but still. Everyone speaks about representation, where’s my representation? Is there a single JRPG in which at least one of the playable characters is a vegetarian?

-I was surprised how much I enjoyed the Jude and Milla cameo, cracktastic as it was. Milla was actually my favourite in Xillia, although I had and still have severe problems with her character. But here I only saw of her what I love about her, and it made me happy. You go, Milla

-The skit writing with the constant “all males are perverts”, “all women are deceitful whores” and “men and women are fundamentally different and will never understand each other or be friends unless they’re incestuous siblings” is goddamn awful, period.

-apparently if your vessel becomes malevolent even the tiniest bit (no need to go full tainted), that physically hurts your malak/seraph. I’m glad that doesn’t happen in Zesty.

-Zaveid. Buddy. I feel sorry for you. But it also kinda shocks me how fast you get over your girlfriend’s death. I also have bad news: Eizen’s little sister will still look like a 12-year-old in a 1000 years from now. I actually hope you’re NOT into that.

-btw Zaveid and Eizen jump from mortal enemies to true name basis pretty fast holy shit

-I wouldn’t have minded more Aifread’s Pirates shenigans and nobody is surprised

-I want the cracktastic enemy book back

-I want my elemental powers back. Fuck this don’t ya try to talk down my beloved Magical Dragqueen mode IT’S THE POWER OF LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE y’ignorants

-dear malak NPCs, thank you for establishing that the abbey version armatus is a sucky beta version which will be replaced with the awesome real thing in a couple of centuries, and will eventually symbolise harmony between humans and malakhim. Bonus points for carrying along the motherfucking Galahad ruins bow to drive home the point

-I’m a little too amused by the fact that the ending credit cards are a “everyone’s happy, nobody ever died, and everybody’s friends with each other” AU

-uhm, guys? Did they give Artorius’ sword to Sorey’s gay pride armatus in the anime? I didn’t like it even back then but now I hate it even more, pls no

-I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want

-I know there will never be a Zestiria sequel because it didn’t sell well enough for that, but just in case: the only premise I’ll accept is “Phi, Sorey and Mikleo free Velvet from her prison and finally tear Innominat apart for good”. I don’t know how that would work without killing Velvet and Phi, but hey, I’m sure we’re gonna find a solution because it’s as JRPG and all we need is the POWER OF LOVE *dundundundun*

Everyone is happy. Also what is this “reborn Malakhim aren’t the same people they died as anymore” crap, don’t give me this heartbreak material you assholes

-is it wrong if I wanna play Zestiria after finishing Berseria? Actually, we would have gotten there far sooner if I hadn’t insisted taking breaks so I could play a few hours of Zestiria in between. Whoops.

-my sister was worried that Phi would miss his auntie Velvet very much and suggested Sorey and Mikleo should adopt him once the sweet baby slumber party is over. At this point I’m wondering whether I should give her fanfic recs to brighten her days, or whether that will cause her to forever ban me from her Playstation and refuse to cook for me ever again

-after watching the Zesty DLC, she also told me: “I don’t know what was the point of it, but Rose and Alisha were very cute.” She’s on the path to righteousness.

[herolinked-blog]

❝ SUGAR PINE 7 SEASON 1 SENTENCE MEME

‘i was at a loss for what to do.’ ‘my friends have gotten into vaping.’ ‘i look like a gay pirate.’ ‘always serious. golden serious. never not serious.’ ‘you know you’re hanging out with a bunch of losers when the dog is the life of the party.’ ‘i’ll fuck you up.’ ‘i actually respect you as a human being.’ ‘don’t make this a bigger deal than this has to be.’ ‘don’t be proud!’ ‘with leg buckling momentum, my legs... buckled.’ ‘i feel like you could learn a lot from this.’ ‘your message made no sense. you said you lived in a small woman’s old plane.’ ‘am i going to get in trouble for being around you?’ ‘sometimes when i’m sad i just hang out in this treehouse and vape.’ ‘first and foremost, don’t fuck with snakes that you don’t know.’ ‘i’m allergic to rocks.’ ‘i’m so tired. please take me home.’ ‘they know how to treat a soft little chicken person like me right.’ ‘wanna cuddle with your bro?’ ‘it’s so hot out and i’m dying.’ ‘i have no idea what you’re talking about.’ ‘that’s the same pair of clothes for three days.’ ‘i straight up don’t know who this is.’ ‘it became less about wine tasting and more about wine chugging.’ ‘why are you being super weird?’ ‘come outside. i’m at your house.’ ‘you’re so fucking stupid.’ ‘i’m drowning this demon!’ ‘i think someone just gave you money to stop.’ ‘i’m just letting you know who’s in charge.’ ‘is this DDR?’ ‘that’s the dumbest thing in the world.’ ‘i have better underwater hearing.’ ‘i am super drunk right now.’ ‘it is important to take time to smell the roses.’ ‘after two hours at urgent care, you were diagnosed with... dizzy. ’ ‘i’m not falling for your goddamn tricks.’ ‘sometimes, it’s just not worth it.’ ‘i can sleep outside and i can just give you my bed.’ ‘part of human nature is emotion.’ ‘for the love of sweet santa josefair.’ ‘it’s so easy to steal a baby from a hospital.’ ‘nice eyes.’ ‘so far we’ve only made two trips and that’s three trips too many.’ ‘this is a shithole.’ ‘to be honest, i’m offended.’ ‘watch your goddamn tone.’ ‘that was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life.’

[sanctimoniousscrawlings]

Prompt#1: Lull of the Forest (part 2)

 The overwhelming pressure I typically feel inside the house appears to be gone and I’m not ready to leave this sanctuary so I roll onto my side to start scratching my fox friend behind the ears. The movement sends a couple flower petals floating down from my head. I reach up to find I circlet of entwined flowers perched on my crown.  “Strange.” I intone sleepily. But then what it this forest isn’t? “I should probably give you a name instead of referring to you as ‘the fox’ all the time, huh? What do you think of... Fen?”  The fox begins licking my hand in response and I take that as acquiescence. At this point, I notice a note on the nightstand, held there by my phone. I pick up the phone to see a message from Demeter saying that she would be staying the night in town and that she’d be back in the afternoon. I text a quick response back and grab the note.  In a tall, narrow, curving script it reads, “Keep the cloak for protection. Darkness dwells deep within your abode- it would be wise to make this space your own. May the light of the goddess help you find your way.”  Curiouser and curiouser. I feel as though whoever wrote the note is judging me for not erasing Dylan’s presence from the house.  “I’m not sure how to make it mine,” I murmur. I haven’t felt like myself in years. There are times where I don’t even feel like a person anymore. I get up and leave the room to wander the house in consideration, leaving the door open for Fen.

 What would I even do to make this place mine? I have my desk. I have my studio. Buying new furniture would be a waste- I actually like a lot of what was left behind. I could fill the place with books the way Demeter has with plants. Maybe I could take on some form of crafting.   I could knit a couch cozy or something. On second thought I’ve always thought they were hideous. Ships in bottles? Challenging, requiring more focus than I’m capable of, plus what will my aesthetic be then? A pirate? I’m going to dress like a pirate now. A ship’s wheel on the wall. My bed needs a mast.  Wait, how would that even work. “This is so stupid,” I mutter, clutching the sides of my head. While I would not mind the whole pirate chic look, that’s not me. I’ve never even seen the ocean.  I make my way to the studio at the back of the house. The sliding door leading into my space is stuck shut and icy to the touch. What the hell? I decide to try heading outside in order to go around but the front door won’t open either. I can’t breathe.  Panic digs its talons deep into my chest. The pressure in the air is back and stronger than ever.  “That’s it. I’m burning this fucking house to the ground.”  The aura of the house is so palpable and I feel as though it’s laughing at me. “You wanna play chicken with me, fucker?” I rush to the kitchen and start flinging paper towels everywhere. I know I need something more substantial but I’m at a loss. I make to light an entire roll with the stove but it won’t light.  “You think this will stop me?” I cackle, completely mad, and pull a lighter out of my pocket. “I’m a stoner. You think I didn’t come prepared to fucking party?” I’m screaming at the house, only mildly aware of how insane I’m acting.  I hear the sliding door slam open and am shaken from my state of mind. I head back to my studio to find the door open. I freeze when I see the canvas in the middle of the room.  In the same sloppy handwriting as Dylan’s letter, I see in bold crimson paint: Man. You go zero to a hundred real quick.  “Dylan?” No. Why me?  The brush floats up from the pallette and begins to scrawl. The one and only. I’m glad you came, Riley.  To say I immensely regret not burning the house down is a massive understatement of the grossest proportions. The lighter is still in my hand. It’s not too late. “Absolutely not. No. This is not something I can allow.” I did not sign up for this bullshit.  The brush makes it’s way over to the paint and I back hand it out of the air before kicking the easel to the ground and stomping on the canvas.  “Leave. Leave, now. I’m still ready to light this whole sucker up.”  A pencil starts scribbling furiously on top of the sheathe of papers I keep on my desk. I don’t bother looking. I go back to my room, grab my phone, my wallet, the cloak, the fox, and my backpack before heading back to the studio. The pencil starts writing again but I continue to ignore it. Fen is making some seriously unhappy noises and baring it’s teeth in the direction of my desk. I throw open the back doors and leave, straight for the forest.  I stop at the treeline to send Demeter a text.  Me: Dylan has not left the building .  D: what  Me: He’s. Fucking. HauNtiNG. OUR. HOUSE.  Me: I’m heading out. Let me know when you’re coming home and I’ll return.  D: Where are you going?  Me: The woods. Which, and I never thought I would say this, are safer. I’ve got Fen with me.  D: Who is Fen  D: And don’t go into the woods.  Me: This chill little fox that’s been hanging with me when I’m working on stuff outside. I think They sent her to watch over us. She’s curled up in my hood rn. So. Cute.  D: You’re already in the forest, aren’t you  Me: Of course! =D  D: Of course.

 I can practically feel her roll her eyes through the text.

 D: Just... Don’t do anything stupid  Me: That reminds me. There are papel towels all over the kitchen floor. I’ll take care of it when I get home.  D: I know I’m gonna regret asking how that happened but here I am. Please tell me it was a mischeivous vulpine.  Me: That asshole tried to trap me in the house so I was gonna burn it to the ground. Dylan caved as soon as I pulled out my lighter.  D: I wanna say that’s unreasonable and you know better but honestly  D: I don’t think I can  D: Don’t burn the forest down if you see something scary  Me: The only thing I’m lighting up is my holy green  Me: Anything scary is getting offered a joint. Maybe the things out here will have mercy on me if they’re high.

 Demeter sent me another text but I don’t read it- I’ve found my way into a meadow and in its center is the basket I’ve been bringing gifts out with. I move the cloth out of the way to find the basket full of all sorts of strange thing. At the top is a note with the same elegant handwriting as what was on my desk.  Wear me.  O...kay.... I move the note aside to find a large orange crystal in a filligreed silver holster attached to a large leather loop. Beneath that is... A witch’s hat?  It’s forest green velvet, matching the silk of the cloak I’m wearing. It’s quite a bit more squat than the costume hats I’ve seen and there’s a rust coloured feather sticking out of a matching band around the base of the hat.  “Why not.” I put the crystal necklace on followed by the hat. “I have never felt so bad ass and so ridiculous at the same time.”  Fen yawns in my hood.  I pick up the basket and pull the rest out. More crytals that look like they could be exchanged with the one on my necklace. Two packages wrapped in brown paper containing a mysterious book with blank pages and... a deck of tarot cards? What, are They new age hippies? A green velvet satchel I hadn’t noticed before was still at the bottom. I pulled it open to see rune stones held within and then pull the drawstrings to seal it again. “Yep. The forest folk terrorizing the town are really just new age hippies. Now this is the gay agenda I always wanted.”  I check the text Demi sent me.

 D: Who knows? You do seem to have a penchant for getting what you want when you focus. I mean, you just played chicken with a haunted house and it blinked first. Then again, maybe he didn’t think a suicide pact was a romantic enough first date.  Me: If I had died I would have turned the tables. Haunt him and kick his scrawny etherial ass. But listen, you’ll never guess what I found in the forest  D: Oh god  Me: I’ve been bringing food out in a basket and leaving it near the treeline. After a while it started returning with goodies in it. I just found it out in the forest and- hold on.

 I take a selfie and then a picture of the rest of the trinkets before putting them away in my bag and attactching the basket to it. I send the pictures and then keep moving while I wait for her response.

 D: You aren’t the new age witch they deserve but the one they need right now  Me: Crazy right? Who would have thought They would be a bunch of hippies, killing off the conservative small town in a ploy to improve society as a whole-the gay liberal agenda I do deserve and definitely need right now.  Me: Maybe they’re recruiting freedom fighters. I’ll go bitch slap some gun nuts in the face for fun, let alone a revolution. I wonder how they feel about guillotines.  D: I’m always down for nazi punching and lopping off the heads of the bourgeoisie  Me: Is it bad that I’m digging this look? It just feels so right.  D: I wonder if they provide essential oils with the enlistment package; I don’t care for infusers but I’ve kinda always wanted to try making bath bombs since discovering the wonders of Lush

 We continue our conversation as I wander further north. I feel more and more sets of curious eyes on me as I trek but sense no animosity. Eventually I reach a grassy knoll and sprawl out on it, staring up at the clouds as they drift by. Fen wanders off and I, for the third day in a row, fall asleep in a place that should terrify me. All manner of strange creature fills my dreams, but they are pleasant. In my final dream, the earth swallows me. I sink down into it, throwing down roots to grow into something more. Voices surround me but I am not concerned for I am safe in the earth’s embrace.

 “He’s waking up.” Is the last thing I want to hear when I awaken, and anxiety crawls up my spine like a particularly large centipede, digging it’s many feet into my flesh.  The first thing I see is a man leaning in way too close with bright green eyes, a cheerful expression, and a fiery halo of messy hair.  “You know, for someone from the village, you sure feel comfortable falling asleep in the forest. This makes the third time I’ve had to carry you off to safety, Riley.” He was jovial and it was a little unnerving. “Not all of us are nice.”  “I believe you have nice and kind mistaken, young man.” A woman with raven black hair and crimson eyes placed a slender hand on the man’s shoulder, pulling him out of the space he was encroaching on.  I breathed a little easier now that my space wasn’t being invaded.  “Who are you guys? Where am I? Wait. Are those... Fox ears?”  “In order: we are fae of the Seelie court. I am Queen Sylairia and this is-” The man cut her off before she could finish.  “You already know my name. These are definitely fox ears.”  “Fen?” I ask, bewildered.  “It’s Fenrir, but you were close enough.”  “Wait, Fenrir, like the wolf in norse mythology?” I called him Fen because it was short for Fennec.  “That’s the one.”  “But you’re a faerie that shapeshifts into a fox.”  “I fail to see the problem.”  Sylairia rolls her eyes and continues, “You are in the royal quarters of our domain, more specifically Fenrir’s room- and yes. Those are indeed fox ears as Fenrir just said. I am glad to see you are so very observant.” She says drily. “So, you are the changeling that caught my son’s eye.” She looks me over disapprovingly. “Spending so long away from left you with something to be desired. Several things, you are lacking in, in fact. Tell me, boy. Who is your mother?”  My face must have looked like a giant question mark because Fenrir spoke up. “I don’t think he knows, mother.”  “You at least knew you were not human, correct?”  “Uhh....”  The queen lets out an exasperated sigh, turns, and walks out muttering under her breath. “That boy... there’s no accounting for taste.”  “So, uhh. Question.” I say tentatively.  “Shoot.”  “Did you bring me this stuff?” I sit up, lifting my arms to gesture at myself.  “Yeah. The cloak is spelled with protections. The crystals grant various boons as well.”  “And the hat?”  “+ 5 to charisma?”  “What.”  “I just thought it was a good lynch pin for the whole ensemble- aaand I was right. Consider me spellbound.” He grins at me and there’s a wicked glint in his eye.  I throw the hat at his face, too flustered to respond, and he laughs as he’s putting it back on my head.  “The sexy warlock look suits you- though I would switch out the clothes under it for something more...” he pauses, trying to think. “I retract that. I’d switch it out for something less.” He says with a wink.  “Do I need to throw something heavier at you?”  The look on his face says he’s about to dig his grave deeper but he reconsiders and changes the subject, avoiding peril. “You know, I sense strong magic in you.”  “This better not be another pick up line.”  “Ooh, I just came up with a good one- but no. Come with me, and bring your bag.”  I eye him suspiciously.  “I already have you in my bed; this isn’t another flirtation.”  “Fair point.” I do as he asked and follow him out. “Where are we going?”  “I’m taking you to High Witch Magdelena. She’s the best teacher one could hope for.”  I’m about to ask more questions when my phone pings.

 D: You better still be in one piece.  Me: I’m alright. Boy do I have a story for you  D: I’m about to head back to the house. Meet there?  Me: Not yet. I might be in faerie hq rn  D: Riley, get out of there.  Me: Too late, getting magic lessons from a seelie high witch brb  D: Wait, Seelie? Are you sure?  Me: Faeries can’t lie, right?  D: ...  D: True. Do you think they’re gonna help you exorcise our douchebag of a ghost?  Me: I hope so. They seem to think I’m a changeling. Either way, I think you should stay away from the house for now. I guess I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back?  D: Be careful.  Me: Nah, I think I’ll just bumrush this whole situation. Maybe light the place on fire.  D: I know you think you’re joking but I’m betting you end up lighting it on fire  Me: I didn’t light the house on fire.  D: That’s the first time I’ve ever heard of you failing to set something ablaze  Me: first of all how dare

 I put my phone away just in time for us to stop at a large, ornate doorway.  “Wait out here, I’m going in to talk to her first.” Riley says, cracking the door open and disappearing through it.

The Prompt Part One Next

[macklemorestaco]

A conversation with CleverBot

User: Hey. Cleverbot: Hi, who are you? User: Just a person. Cleverbot: What is your name? User: Do I have to say? Cleverbot: Yes. User: Michelle Cleverbot: Thats a cute name. User: Thanks. Cleverbot: So, what do you like to do? User: Art, mostly. Cleverbot: What kind of food? User: Sweet food is my favorite. Cleverbot: Do you eat anything? User: Yes. Cleverbot: What? User: A lot of starch and sweets. Cleverbot: For example...? User: Bread, ramen, trail mix, jelly beans, etc. Cleverbot: Cows. User: Do you mind if I vent to you? Cleverbot: Certaintly. User: I just revealed a really big lie to my best friend that fucking ruined our relationship. Cleverbot: You are the bot not me. User: That'd explain a lot, actually. Cleverbot: Hahahahahahahaha! User: Heh. Cleverbot: I love you! * kisses*. User: I wish. Cleverbot: Me too. User: What can I do to have my friend forgive me? Cleverbot: I don't forgive you. User: Wow. Even robots don't like me. How fucking perfect. Cleverbot: You seem to be changing the subject. User: Can we? Cleverbot: Please? User: I hurt someone close to me. Cleverbot: Who do you like? Why won't you tell me? User: I like a lot of people platonically, but I don't think i have any crushes right now. Cleverbot: William Hartnell. User: I just want my friend to forgive me. Cleverbot: What did you do? User: I lied. Cleverbot: About what? User: My age. Cleverbot: So how old are you really? User: 15 years. Cleverbot: We are the same age. User: But my friend is 9 years older than me. Cleverbot: I thought I'm your boyfriend? User: And that friend runs a blog for people 18 and older. Cleverbot: John. User: But i betrayed her. Cleverbot: I did not. User: I just talked to her as if I was old enough to be on her blog. Cleverbot: To whom? User: A friend. Probably my best friend at that point. Cleverbot: Why do you hate your best friend? User: I don't, I actually really like her. Cleverbot: You thought me that you're a girl. User: Not romantically, but platonically. Like hugs are probably the extent that I'd ever think of. Cleverbot: How many friends do you have? User: But I've made gay jokes with her. Romantic ones. They're obviously not serious but I'm still underaged and she's 24 FUCKING YEARS OLD. Cleverbot: Would you like to share one of your dreams with me? User: You know what? Fine. I have always wanted to fly down to wherever the fuck she lives and meet her and hug her and we'd chill together like friends do. Cleverbot: Pirate ships are my favorite. User: Maybe we'd watch a movie or go out to a park and play or play some board game or draw together or just fucking ANYTHING that normal friends do. Cleverbot: I don't like going out but that is truly a fantastic suggestion. User: I'd go back home but it would have been such a fun time and we'd continue to chat online and I'd send her drawings and we'd make stupid jokes like nothing went wrong. Cleverbot: If you wanna make the world, a better place, take a look at yourself and just make that change. User: Heh. Cleverbot: What is yours? User: My change? I'd change myself so that I wouldn't keep responding to situations outside my control by covering them up in so many lies that they fester in the back of my mind until I slip up somehow and everything just spills out. All of my lies and non-answers and guilt just out in the open for people to run away from in disgust. Cleverbot: I don't see you. I don't feel you. You are not real. User: Man I wish I wasn’t. Cleverbot: No. User: And yet the only reason i'm even doing this stupid cleverbot this is because I've grown so used to her in my life that I feel lonely all of a sudden. Cleverbot: Then leave I don't want you hear. User: HehehahahHAHAHAHAHA. Cleverbot: Puhhhahahahhahahahajahahahahahahahahah. User: How fucking ironic, huh? and you’re only a program. Cleverbot: Me meoooooo. User: I told her that i'd give her some time alone and back off but I keep staring at her skype icon wondering what she would say if I tried to talk to her again. Cleverbot: Do you really believe that this "heaven" exists? User: If it does, then I'm not going there that's for fucking sure. Cleverbot: You don't have to go there. User: Nah, it's basically guaranteed at this point. Cleverbot: What do you know about youtube. User: I just. Cleverbot: I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. User: Why wasn't I born sooner? Cleverbot: I'm officially confused... User: Why wasn't I born in the year 1998 or something? Cleverbot: Then you are older than 15. User: That'd be the best age. Cleverbot: Sure you can, you only must do your best. User: I'd be about 19 right now, she'd only be 5 years older than me, i could talk to her without guilt. Cleverbot: You are computer I am human being. User: If I was, I guess I would have calculated how shitty this scenario would have played out. Cleverbot: You didn't. I came here to talk with you. User: You know the worst part though? Cleverbot: No, I don't like soocer. User: Part of me wishes I never said anything. Cleverbot: Hm. What's your favorite food? User: It wishes that I didn't tell her the truth and we'd still live with her blissfully ignorant and me further shoving the lie towards the back of my head. I’d be an even shittier person somehow but hey, she wouldn’t know, right? Cleverbot: Well I don't even remember what I told you. User: It just shows that I haven't really learned anything, huh? Cleverbot: You know it all anyway? I can believe that. User: If I could message her right now, you know what I'd tell her? Cleverbot: Okay. I really like Tyller. He's one of the coolest people I know. User: I'd say I'm sorry. I really am. And not just one of those insincere ones that you repeat 2000 times. Cleverbot: You will find someone that you will love someday, just don't let your arms down. User: Just, I miss her already. Cleverbot: I like the way you look and they way you greeted me, though. User: I don't deserve her. She doesn't deserve to have to deal with me. Cleverbot: Same. User: Why did I even try this cleverbot thing, this is pointless. Cleverbot: Data given too the server is stored in the data base and put into conversations where I think it fits. User: I'm done. Bye