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bleachanimefan1 · 2 years

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Dragon Ball Legend Part Nine

The Aftermath,

As they waited for Goku to come in the three hours and rested, Piccolo, Krillin, Ocarin and Gohan gathered to think of a plan. Piccolo glared down at Gohan, who refused to look up at him, still shaking and trembling.

"Come on, give him a break. It is his first real fight after all." Krillin replied.

"I shouldn't have expected anything from you. Get out of here, you coward!" Piccolo growled. Gohan's eyes widened, still shaking. Ocarin stepped in.

"Piccolo, you're being too hard on him. He is still just a boy." She insisted. Piccolo narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't see you doing anything. Some protecter of Earth you are." He retorted. Ocarin's eyes widened before she gritted her teeth, looking angrily at him.

"I'm doing what I can! I am nearly reaching my limit." She hissed. "We all are! These guys are complete freaks! If I had enough power, I would wipe the floor with them." Piccolo scoffed, looking away from and glanced over at Vegeta and Nappa, who were waiting as well. "That huge guy got intimidated by that Vegeta runt. Is he even stronger than him?"

More minutes had passed and Goku still hadn't arrived. Krillin gritted his teeth, clenching his fists. "Damn it, what are you doing, Goku? Where is he?" He turned to Piccolo. "Do you think we have a chance to run away? There's no way we can win. This is no time to be stubborn!"

"Fool! They plan to wipe out all of humanity. Even if you run away, you'll end up with them." Piccolo hissed.

An hour had passed, Goku still hadn't arrived.

"Damn it! Goku, hurry up! Piccolo, Goku is sure to be here in the next three hours, right?" Krillin asked.

"Who knows. We need to think of some way to inflict damage on them, even if it's a little just until Goku gets here. Regardless of how much power Goku may have gained at King Kai's place, his chances of fighting both of them and winning are next to impossible. We've made some tremendous enemies here." Piccolo said.

"If only I...I had been more reliable earlier, Tien, might not have had to die." Gohan spoke.

"That's right!" Piccolo barked angrily. Gohan cringed. "Who knew that you were such a coward!?"

"Piccolo, lighten up. You're being kind of hard on Gohan. He's only 5 years old." Krillin replied.

"But he must be really strong if he's made it here so far." Ocarin spoke as well.

"Krillin. Ocarin." Gohan looked at them.

"Gohan, I thought I had raised you to be a man." Piccolo spoke. Gohan looked back to him.

"Mister Piccolo! Please, help me train for the next three hours." He insisted.

"Don't act like a spoiled child! I don't have time for cowards! Get out of here, now!" Piccolo shouted.

"P-Piccolo!" Gohan's eyes widened, hurt, starting to tear up.

"Piccolo!" Ocarin scolded him, angrily. Piccolo turned away from them, not looking at them. "Gohan, I've taught you everything that I know." Gohan walked away.

"Gohan, come back! You've got to show Goku how big and strong you've grown!" Krillin called out to him. Ocarin's eyes widened, sensing energy.

"Gohan!" She cried out. Gohan screamed when a blast almost hit him, shattering a boulder.

"Hey, kid. Are you trying to run away!?" Vegeta shouted. Nappa smirked.

"Well, that would be the smart thing to do."

"W-Who's running away!? I have to use the bathroom! And if you guys are going to go home, now is your chance." Gohan growled, glaring at them angrily.

"What's that? I didn't hear you." Nappa taunted him.

"I said you smell!" Gohan sputtered out, running back over to Piccolo, Ocarin and Krillin. Nappa's mouth dropped open and Vegeta laughed.

"That brat! H-How dare..."

Two hours have passed and Goku has not arrived.

"There's only one more hour left." Krillin said, gravely. Piccolo looked up, getting tensed as well.

"Goku."

Ocarin frowned, wondering as well. Where is he!? "How much you wanna bet that he's eating, right now. That's probably why he's late." she joked. Piccolo, Krillin and Gohan's eyes widen in shock looking at her.

"I'm going to kill him." Krillin hissed.

Kami's eyes widen when he sense Goku's energy almost reaching the end of Snake Way. "He's here! Goku has arrived!"

"Kami! Hurry!" Mr. Popo shouted. Kami quickly teleported to the checkout in the Other World.

"I've made it to the end of Snake way!" Goku quickly flew as he reached the end, running into the Checkout station. "There are two powerful Ki. What is going on?"

The three hours have passed, and Goku has still not arrived. The alarm on Vegeta's visor went off.

"Time's up." Vegeta smirked, turning it off.

"Damn it." Krillin hissed.

"Looks like waiting for him didn't do any good." Nappa smirked.

"He's still not here."

"That coward Kakarot is a no show." Vegeta taunted them.

"My dad is not a coward!" Gohan shouted.

"Why isn't he here!?" Nappa shouted.

"Goku." Piccolo turned to Krillin and Ocarin. "There's only one possible way to beat him." He told them as he started to explain his plan. "Of course, that's only if everything goes well. Listen up. First, Krillin, you go and draw his attention. Then I will find an opening and grab his tail, that's their weak point. Once his power drains, he won't be able to move. Gohan and Ocarin, the two of you call up all of your energy and rush him. Got it?"

"I have enough for just one." Ocarin replied.

"I won't run away this time!" Gohan insisted.

"You better not. Remember that the fate of the Earth rests in your hands!" Piccolo told him. Gohan nodded, looking back Nappa, who was inching closer towards them.

"Awesome! That's Piccolo for you! I'm starting to see a little light here. We might actually have a chance at winning this!" Krillin smiled a little.

"Gohan, believe in yourself! When you set your mind to it, your power is greater than mine." Piccolo told him.

As made it to the Checkout Station, Kami quickly appeared in front of him. "Goku!" He shouted, urgently.

"Kami!" Kami held his hand out. "Hurry and grab on!" Goku quickly grabbed it and Kami immediately teleported back to the Lookout where Mr. Popo was waiting for them.

"Okay, I'm off! My training went great!" Goku smiled.

"We're counting on you!" Mr. Popo smiled.

"Good luck, Goku!" Kami spoke. Goku ran and jumped off the Lookout, heading down to Korin's tower.

"Hang on, guys! Gohan! Please be alive!"

A humanoid cat, leaned over the railings from his tower seeing Goku fall down. "Here he comes!"

"Korin!" Goku called out to him. Korin tossed Goku some green colored beans.

"Here are the last three Senzu beans!" Goku caught them.

"Thanks!"

"We're counting on you!" Korin shouted. Goku popped a Senzu bean into his mouth.

"I'll eat one now. Now, I'm at full strength!" He smiled, feeling his strength return. "Flying Nimbus!" His cloud appeared and Goku landed on it and flew off, heading towards the others. "There are incredible amounts of Ki gathered in one spot! That way! Hurry, Nimbus!"

"We all know the plan, right?" Piccolo asked. Krillin, Ocarin, and Gohan nodded.

"Right. I'll draw his attention." Krillin repeated.

"I'll find an opening and grab his tail. Once his power fails, he won't be able to move." Piccolo said.

"We'll hit him with all we've got." Ocarin replied.

"What are you mumbling about? Whatever is, it won't do any good. What can you guys do against me?" Nappa asked.

"We'll show you what we can do, right now!" Piccolo shouted.

"Here goes!" Krillin yelled and began charging at Nappa at full speed. Nappa stared at him in confusion.

"He's charging at me all of a sudden!" Piccolo turned to Gohan.

"Get ready, Gohan." Gohan nodded.

"Get his attention!" Krillin quickly teleported, catching Nappa off guard. "Now!" Piccolo quickly appeared behind the large Saiyan and grabbed onto his tail. Nappa's eyes widen in shock, turning to him.

"Why, you!-"

"Gohan! Ocarin!" Piccolo called out. The two charged at Nappa, getting ready to attack and unleash a energy beam.

"We did it!" Krillin shouted.

"You fools!" Nappa smirked. He landed a hard hit on Piccolo's head. Gohan and Ocarin stopped in their tracks in shock and horror.

"N-No way!" Piccolo's vision began to fade in and out and his grip loosened releasing Nappa's tail. He fell forward as he went unconscious. Nappa caught him.

"Piccolo!" Ocarin cried out.

"Mister Piccolo!" Gohan shouted as well.

"Whoa, can't have you die, now. We still have to have you tell us about the Dragon Balls." Nappa laughed.

"H-How!?" Krillin stammered.

"Hell of a miscalculation, huh? Did you think we would leave our weak spot untrained forever?" Vegeta laughed, smirking at them. Ocarin gritted her teeth.

"Damn it!" She glared at Nappa, who was still holding Piccolo by his gi. "Let him go now!" Nappa tossed Piccolo and he landed on the ground next to her and Gohan.

"That's too bad. The best that this planet has to offer, and this is what happens to him after one blow."

"Piccolo!" Ocarin bent down, checking on him. Gohan ran over, trying to shake him awake.

"Mister Piccolo, wake up!" Ocarin sighed in relief, seeing Piccolo breathing.

"I-It's hopeless now...that was our only chance." Krillin murmured.

"Now then, while he has gone beddy-bye, I think I'll toy around with the little squirts." Nappa turned to Gohan. "I'll start with Kakarot's son. You have Saiyan blood, right? You'll be able to amuse me for a little while. You know, your old man is pretty cold. Letting his own son die like this." Gohan's eyes widened as Nappa toward over him. He smacked Gohan hard, slamming him into a mountain.

"Gohan!" Ocarin shouted.

"Hey now, don't you die just yet! Amuse me a little longer." Nappa chuckled. Gohan struggled to get back on his feet, glaring at Nappa. "That's more like it!" Nappa started to inch towards him. Ocarin quickly appeared as the Saiyan's side, kicking him in the face, hard.

"Stop!" She growled. Nappa stumbled back a few feet before regaining his balance. He glared at her.

"I've had it with you!" He shouted, charging at Ocarin. Just as he threw a punch, Ocarin quickly made a bubble appear, encasing herself inside of it. Nappa growled and began to land punches on it. "Come out of there!" Ocarin panted as she tried to hold the barrier up. She could feel the rest of her energy slowly draining away. Ocarin felt her legs started to feel heavy, growing exhausted. She fell to her knees, struggling to keep up the bubble. After a few more punches, the bubble was starting to weaken. Just as it cracked open, Krillin slammed his foot into Nappa's head, knocking him back.

Nappa fired a couple of Ki blasts at him and Krillin quickly flipped out of the way as he dodged them. "At lease his moves are pretty good." Vegeta smirked.

"You dirty brat! Quit bouncing around!" Nappa growled.

"Let me show you something I've been saving." Krillin created a buzz saw energy blast swirling it around above him. "Destructive Disk!" He fired at Nappa, who stood his ground as the projectile flew towards him.

"What a worthless technique!" He smirked, chuckling.

"Nappa! Dodge it!" Vegeta warned him. Nappa's eyes widened he jumped out of the way as the saw flew past him, slicing the mountain behind him in half. The large Saiyan's eyes widen in shock. He had a small cut on his cheek, narrowly missing the attack.

"That idiot! He almost got cut in half!" Vegeta hissed.

"Damn." Krillin clenched his fists.

"Why you! How dare you cut my face!" Nappa unleashed a blast of energy at Krillin. "Die!" Krillin was knocked off his feet, his gi also got torn from the blast.

"Krillin!" Ocarin shouted.

"Now to finish you!" However, just before he attacked, Nappa was attacked with a blast from behind. Ocarin's eyes widen, seeing Piccolo now awake.

"Piccolo!" She shouted, happily.

"You bastard! You're awake already!?" Nappa growled angrily.

"Looks like you're having a hard time with them, Nappa!" Vegeta taunted his partner.

"Don't you...don't you look down on Earth, Saiyan!" Piccolo growled, angrily.

"Why you! Now I'm mad! I was holding back against you, since we can't kill you because of the Dragon Balls. But don't get too full of yourself!" Nappa shouted.

"You're the one who's too full of himself!" Piccolo spoke before he sensed something coming. His eyes widened, looking around for it. "W-What's this Ki!? There's an incredible Ki coming this way from far off!" Ocarin's eyes widened as well, so did Gohan's.

"It's Goku!" She smiled.

"I-It's true! It's an amazing and familiar Ki!" Gohan exclaimed.

"No doubt about it. I can feel it." Krillin smiled, tiredly.

"You guys are spouting nonsense! What are you talking about!?" Nappa demanded.

"It can only be one person. It's Goku." Piccolo smirked. "It's Goku! I knew he would come! Damn that bastard for making us wait for him!"

"D-Daddy! Daddy's really coming! Hurry!" Gohan cried out.

"Kakarot? Where is he?" Nappa looked around. Vegeta frowned.

"These guys have an unusual ability to sense someone's presence. Is it really Kakarot? Let's see..." He checked his visor in the direction where the Ki was coming from.

"Vegeta! Is what these guys are saying true? Is Kakarot really heading this way?" Nappa asked him.

"I don't know if it's Kakarot or not, but someone will be here in about four minutes. Someone with a energy level of 5000." Vegeta's eyes widen as he sputtered in shock.

"Five-Five thousand!? That's impossible! That can't be! It must be some kind of mistake!" Nappa shouted, shocked as well.

"What's the matter, you look scared." Piccolo replied as he taunted him.

"Nappa! Kill them! If all five of them team up, it could be a problem of us! It'll serve as a warning for Kakarot!" Vegeta ordered. Everyone's eyes widen in shock.

"What!?"

"I thought you Saiyan guys were all about fighting. Who knew that only one person could make you all cowards." Ocarin replied, smirking at Vegeta. Vegeta glared at her.

"Nappa! Finish her off first!" He shouted.

"But what about the Dragon Balls?" Nappa asked.

"I don't care! There's another way. If we go to Planet Namek, the home world of that Namekian, I'm sure that there will be other Dragon Balls that are even more powerful. I thought that they were just stories, but if Kakarot has really come back to life, then those legends are true after all!" Vegeta explained.

"I get you. But Kakarot having a power level of 5000 still has to be a mechanical malfunction. But it doesn't' change the fact that I get to kill them all." Nappa smirked as he turned to the three.

"Ocarin! Piccolo! Run!" Gohan shouted.

"Gohan?" Ocarin spoke in surprise.

"I'll stop him one way or another until dad gets here!"

"What?" Piccolo asked, surprised as well.

"If you die, Mister Piccolo, Kami, dies as well and the Dragon Balls will be..." Gohan paused.

"Stop talking nonsense! There's no way you can stop him by yourself!" Piccolo shouted.

"You say that you're going to stop me?" Nappa smirked.

"That's right!" Gohan growled.

"Don't make me laugh, you brat!" Nappa charged at Gohan to attack.

"Gohan!" Ocarin shouted. Piccolo rushed after Nappa, trying to get to Gohan. "No!"

When Nappa almost reached Gohan, Gohan jumped into the air and kicked Nappa hard in the face. Nappa was sent flying past Piccolo and Ocarin who dodged out of the way. "Whoa!" The Saiyan crashed into a mountain, completely demolishing it. Piccolo's and Ocarin's eyes widen in shock.

"Incredible! Did he get him!?" Krillin cheered. Nappa growled as he pushed the rocks off of him, standing up. He glared at Gohan.

"Why, you brat! This is where it ends!" He roared, angrily. Everyone's eyes widen as the Saiyan started to charge up his energy, getting ready to unleash a large Ki blast. Gohan watched in fear unable to move his feet, completely paralyzed. Ocarin struggled to stand up and quickly teleported in front of gohan. She struggled to put up a bubble. Piccolo's eyes widened. It wasn't going to be strong enough to block it. She was going to die, including Gohan!

"N-no!" He rushed over to them.

"DIE!" Nappa fired the Ki blast at them. Ocarin's eyes widened in horror as she saw Piccolo quickly appear in front of her and Gohan, taking the full blast, protecting them. Gohan cried out, seeing Piccolo as well. As the smoke cleared, Ocarin's eyes widen as did Gohan's when they saw Piccolo still standing in front of them. His gi was completely destroyed and ripped in several places with a small strand holding up on his shoulder, some of his arms, legs was exposed, revealing pink patches with red outlines, as well as his chest. His skin had multiple cuts as purple blood began to pour from them.

"P-Piccolo!?" Ocarin felt her heart drop, staring at him in shock.

"M-Mister Piccolo!" Gohan ran over to him. Ocarin slowly made her way over to them. Her body was completely numb.

"Get out of here, you two." Piccolo weakly told them.

"Piccolo, why did you do that!?" Gohan cried out.

"I told you two to get out of here. Go, now." Piccolo insisted. Ocarin shook her head as she began to tear up.

"Piccolo, I'm not leaving you. You are not dying. Get up." Piccolo struggled to push himself up, but his energy was draining fast. He fell back down, now lying on his back unable to move anymore.

"You can't die! Dad will be here soon to beat him for us!" Gohan shouted. Piccolo let out a weak chuckle.

"What a pathetic end. Imagine, me of all people protecting some kid and a woman." He replied.

"P-Piccolo!" Gohan began to tear up.

"Piccolo, stop talking." Ocarin bit her lip, clenching her fists, trembling. Tears were now streaming down her cheeks. Piccolo looked up at her with a weak smile before shifting over to Gohan.

"Gohan, Ocarin, you two are the only ones who ever spoke nice to me, even when I pushed you away or yelled at you. This past year that I spent with the both of you hasn't been bad. Don't die. I want you both to run. Get out of here while you can." Piccolo closed his eyes, a few tears from his face fell hitting the ground. His head slacked to the side, no longer moving. Both Gohan and Ocarin cried, letting out a wail.

"Piccolo!"

"Aw, he's dead. I was hoping to have a little more fun with him. Such a shame! What a pathetic way to go." The two heard Nappa laughed. Ocarin clenched her fists tightly, her nails, cutting through her skin as it bled. She felt her blood began to boil. Gohan let out an angry growl. Just as he was about to attack, Vegeta noticed something on his scouter. His eyes widened in alarm at the high energy readings. Before Gohan was about to attack Nappa, he stopped as well, sensing the energy.

"Give him back." A low distorted growl emitted as everyone heard it from Ocarin. Gohan, jumped, startled as well. He turned back to her, seeing Ocarin just standing there, silently behind him. She was breathing heavily as she glared at the two Saiyans with a look to kill. "Something's going on."

"Give him BACK!" Ocarin let out an angry roar and she stomped her foot down on the ground. The air began to grow heavily as a strange energy began to circle around her.

"You want to fight?" Nappa taunted her. Vegeta frowned but had a small glimpse of fear in his eyes as he stared at her.

"This Ki...it's insane! It feels like it's actually pushing me down!" Krillin gritted his teeth as he struggled to see what was going on.He sat up on his elbows. To everyone's shock and within a flash, Ocarin's skin turned into a light blue color. Her hair began wavier and whiter, along with her eyebrows. "S-She's blue?!" Krillin stammered.

"Vegeta, what is this!?" Nappa shouted. Vegeta didn't respond, not moving a muscle.

"O-Ocarin?" Gohan stammered as well, slightly in fear, wondering what was happening to his friend. Like a flash of lightening, Ocarin quickly appeared right in front of Nappa, surprising him and Vegeta before any of them could react. She punched Nappa hard in the stomach, making the large Saiyan keel over. Then she kicked Nappa the face, sending the Saiyan flying upwards. Ocarin swooped in from behind him and started to kick Nappa around in the air from everywhere as she teleported. Vegeta's mouth dropped open in shock, seeing Nappa getting tossed around like a rag doll.

"Vegeta!" Nappa cried out to his partner for help. Vegeta was frozen in his spot. Ocarin landed on the ground and fired a large purple Ki blast, engulfing Nappa in it. Krillin, Gohan, and Vegeta watched in shock as it exploded, killing Nappa. Ocarin turned to Vegeta.

"Give him back! Give him back..." Ocarin felt her eyes starting to grow heavy, feeling completely exhausted. Her hair and skin returned to normal, and she fell on the ground, passing out. Vegeta growled and began to walk over to her. Gohan quickly got in front of him, firing an energy blast. "Masenko!"

Vegeta smacked the blast away, sending it flying into a boulder. He smacked Gohan, knocking him away from Ocarin. "Gohan!" Krillin cried out. Vegeta stood over Ocarin, looking down at her.

"You are too much of a threat for my plans. I'm going to put you out of your pathetic misery." He started to create a ki blast in his hand and pointed it down at Ocarin. Krillin and Gohan watched in horror. They were completely tired and exhausted to move to help.

"Goku!" Krillin screamed as he closed his eyes, clenching his fists.

"Dad!" Gohan cried out as well.

Just as Vegeta was about to fire, something flew down and darted fast. Vegeta was kicked in face as he was knocked away from Ocarin. Gohan and Krillin's eyes lit up as they saw that it was Goku. Ocarin slowly opened her eyes, seeing him as well. She weakly reached out to him.

"G-Goku..." Goku bent down, supporting Ocarin's head on his knee.

"I'm here. Sorry, that I'm late." He smiled. Ocarin smiled back before tears began to stream from her face, choking back a sob. "Goku...I failed. I couldn't protect him. I couldn't protect Kami. They're both gone! I wasn't strong enough! Piccolo, he's-!" She cried. Goku frowned, looking over at the fallen Z fighters, Yamcha, Tien, Chiaotzu, Piccolo. What was that large amount of energy that he had sensed before he got here? He couldn't sense it anymore.

"You did the best you could. Now leave the rest to me. Rest, you deserve it." He told her. Goku placed her back down on the ground and walked over to Krillin and Gohan, handing them their beans. Goku turned back to Vegeta, narrowing his eyes at him as the Saiyan glared back at him. The two lunged at each and began to clash.

Ocarin's world went black as she passed out, feeling her strength leave her body.

"Piccolo..."

#Dragon Ball #Dragon Ball Z #Dragon Ball Z OC #Piccolo #Goku #Gohan #Krillin #Read more #Fanfiction #piccolo dragon ball #Saiyan saga #frieza saga #namekian

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mejomonster · 3 years

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Hey, so, idk if you follow @ thebibliosphere or not, but if you don't you might find her mcas and/or chronic health tag helpful? Idk how closely your symptoms will align with hers, obviously, but it might open up different avenues to explore, even if there's no overlap otherwise.

Thank you for linking me to her! The general topics she posts might be helpful!

I just read some mcas posts though and I don't think mcas is very similar to what I have. Which is fine just it's like dang :c I still got no idea what's wrong

My main issue has just been this extremely severe constipation and stomach pain, with many foods making it worse, that since August got so bad I had been vomiting for weeks just because I couldn't even hold down solid food. Very few laxatives were having any effect on me at all, finally my doctor is trying amitiza and I can hold down food and use bathroom. But I'm still somehow very full of stool daily and so if I stopped taking my meds or ate too many foods that back me up even worse id be unable to eat again. And then also during the month I couldn't eat my electrolytes kept going down to dangerous levels putting me in the er over and over (I was on laxative lactulose so that may have worsened it), and my thyroid levels dropped a lot during that time.

I've had allergy tests but I cannot eat some foods I'm not allergic to, and the food sensitivities I have should at most only cause fogginess sleepiness or slight constipation and should be tolerable 1-2 times a week (my allergist did food sensitivity tests on me since I have no full on deadly-type food allergies). Like I can't seem to eat rice or corn even though I have no medical food sensitivity to them. All oats seem to constipate me even though again they are a safe food for me. In fact even all safe foods just meats veggies fruits and almond flour foods will constipate me if I don't take amitiza. Even soup alone will constipate me to the point of vomiting if I am not taking amitiza. My gi doctor has no idea why and just did an endoscopy and colonoscopy, there were no blockages, she took samples and is waiting for results. I just had a gut motility test to see if the problem is digestion which I'm waiting on results for. The thyroid stuff only got noticed because my allergy doctor ordered a ton of blood tests trying to figure out why I'm getting so backed up I am puking up food. I was starving all of September until my meds got changed and in er a lot it was not fun time ahh ToT

I really have no idea what can be causing me to be this sick. I have been constipated for weeks before and still it never affected my ability to eat and hold down food. Versus since this August where I genuinely starved if I didn't use the bathroom "enough" each day from lactulose. I would get intense nausea and vomit food if I ate more than 300 solid calories in like soup soft form. Vomit period if the food was too solid or too much. Only since 10/11 after my colonoscopy cleared me out and I got put on amitiza have I been able to eat 1000 or more calories a day, all safe type foods meat veggies fruits almond flour mostly softer foods.

Like I said tje thyroid angle is just being looked at because my tsh and t3 dropped a lot in 2 weeks and now are both abnormally low, which could make constipation worse. And constipation or Something connected starved me for a month. But also I just tried thyroid meds for two days and felt fucking awful and have been bedridden so I am going to stop the meds and wait for a specialist to check this stuff hopefully in a month or two. I would hope abnormal levels for a few months won't hurt me worse or maybe they'll fix themselves.

In the ER they took tests for autoimmune disorders, all my blood tests came back negative I was fine according to them. Also I don't have celiac disease. So I'm not sure if mcas shows up on an autoimmune bloodtest as U Have Something, but autoimmune disorder angle so far has not helped my doctors figure out what is wrong with me. The er each time just kept fixing my electrolytes and giving giving pain meds for my intense abdominal pain and sending me home.

Right now amytriptline is helping get rid of pain and nausea. Reglan is possibly helping with nausea and digestion (my stomach doctor is unsure if I need it or not) and amitiza (medicine for irritable bowel syndrome for constipation and for inexplicable constipation) is helping me use the bathroom so in theory also helping me keep down food. But it's all very tentative as the pain is only being masked, no idea why constipation or whatever is going wrong is causing vomiting issues, and if I stop my meds I'm probably starving within a week and in the er within 2 again. I have no idea how IBS C could be so severe a person is starving and ending up in er, but also if it's more than that or something worsening that then I have no idea what causes that and neither do my doctors. My stomach doctor is trying so hard but it's not been obvious and she keeps trying more tests. I am tired and scared tbh and I just wanna feel stable again.

But yeah just like ToT tldr: thank you for the rec! I appreciate it a lot! The chronic issues in general may help!

I just also am not sure mcas sounds anything like what I'm going through. My symptoms and issues are mainly affecting my digestion like crazy- can't use the bathroom except with very specific medicine ( I may have ibs but it's never been so bad I cannot eat before??) And can't eat (and that whole month was horrific as still no one has any idea why and it could just happen again). I've been browsing their account and I'm not seeing much I relate to except for just general food intolerance. But I've never needed allergy medicine for any of my food sensitivities, it's just they've made my tummy hurt a bit more and worsened my constipation a bit. But at my worst times literally any food has caused that. Allergy medicine hasn't been needed or given to me any of these times.

#replies #@gaiahenshin #ask #i appreciate it a lot hun #i just also got a little :c cause i still have no idea whats causing my issues #i just wanna eat and use the bathroom reliably #without worrying ill start puking and starving again #or passing out or seizing from dangerously low electroyltes #ive been drinking a ton of gstorade and pedialite to not go to er again i dont want seizure low sodium again #aha ToT yeah its a rough couple months im just tired and a bit scared at this point :c

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svtwritess · 4 years

Text

finally- hjs

⇨ word count: 7.9k

⇨ genres: fluff, smut, some angst

⇨ pairing: joshua x female reader (though there’s no feminine pronouns or nicknames used!)

⇨ friends to lovers au

⇨ warnings: mentions of food, swearing, sexual content (oral, hickeys, light biting but not really idk), unprotected sex (please use protection kids please❤️)

You waited in your car in front of the office building you worked at, anticipating the arrival of your best friend who you always walked into work with. You and Joshua used to have the exact same title. You worked on the same floor, ate lunch at the same time, and even sat at the same desk. For six months, you spent nearly every working moment together, often goofing around and chatting even when you should be working. Your boss never suspected the two of you, though, as you still got all of your work done properly and on time.

However, a couple of weeks ago, you got promoted. You used to work on the second floor with Joshua, but your promotion forced you to move up to the sixth floor. You had your own office, which was good because you wouldn’t want to share a desk with anyone else in that building, but the worst part was that your lunch time got moved to an hour later than it was before. So, simply put, you rarely ever saw Joshua at work anymore and it upset the both of you greatly. You both accepted it, though, as Joshua and yourself knew that it was for the betterment of your career (and your salary).

You felt your heart jump when you saw Joshua’s sleek black car pull into the parking lot. He had been saving his money and finally splurged on a new one when his 2008 clunker finally broke down on him. You were happy for him and needless to say, he looked super sexy driving it.

You got out of your car, shut the door and locked it before heading over to where Joshua had parked just a few spots over from you.

Your heels clicked as Joshua got out of his car as well. His platinum hair was parted down the center and it was fluffy, framing his face perfectly. He wore a white, long sleeve button up, black slacks accompanied by a belt, black loafers and a nice watch that looked to be way nicer than he could afford. You swallowed, loving yet hating how amazing he looked in work clothes.

“Good morning!” he exclaimed happily, a small smile making its way onto his face upon seeing you. “Ready for another grueling day of doing something that contributes almost nothing to society for a less than satisfactory paycheck?” he asked, hugging you from the side. You laughed as you hugged him back and began walking toward the building.

“Sadly yes, I’m numb to it at this point.”

“Yeah, me too.” he chuckled as the automatic doors to the building opened for the pair of you.

You headed for the elevator and Joshua pressed the “up” button. You were already dreading saying goodbye for the day, as the ride to the second floor took less than 30 seconds.

“Are you sure you can’t take an early lunch or something? I miss you.” he said casually as you stepped into the elevator. You tried not to smile too widely at his words, knowing he meant them in a purely platonic way.

“As I’m pretty new to the position, I don’t think I should be too pushy about my schedule just yet. But trust me, I wish I could.” you pushed the “2” button followed by the “6” button and waited for the doors to close.

“Yeah, I know. Guess I’ll just keep eating with Mia,” he replied and you nearly cringed at the thought of him eating with her; she just so happened to be extremely pretty. “She’s nice, just doesn’t say much.” he shrugged and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. You were just happy she wasn’t flirting with him or anything like that.

The doors opened and you frowned as Joshua stepped out and turned to face you.

“So long,” he said dramatically as he sent you a theatrical, yet relatively sarcastic, look as the doors closed.

“Bye Joshua.” you laughed as the elevator closed and blocked him from view, your lonely ascent to the 6th floor beginning. Once you arrived, you trudged to your office and attempted to mentally prepare for another long day without Joshua.

Okay, so you had a gigantic crush on him if it wasn’t obvious, but how could you not? Working with the sweetest, funniest, most reliable, humble, and attractive guy you’d ever met almost everyday for 6 months was bound to have an affect on you. You never told him, though. You knew that he was out of your league, and that being said, you also didn’t want to risk ruining your friendship, and thus, you kept your feelings to yourself.

Your day was full of meetings and your boss grilling you about if you had done the things on her extraordinarily long to-do list. You told her that you had done most of it and would try to get everything done by the end of the day. She was less than excited about the fact that you used the word “try”, but simply stressed you that you get it done before finally leaving you alone.

She left at 4, an hour before you were supposed to, and you were happily able to tell her that you were almost done with the tasks she had given you. She gave you a smile, which was pretty impressive for her, and you continued working.

You were typing away on your computer, and had been for the better part of an hour without realizing it, when there was a knock at your door. You looked up and saw Joshua entering your office, the butterflies in your stomach beginning to swarm.

“Hey?” you questioned. He normally never came up to your office.

“It’s almost 5:20 and you didn’t meet me downstairs, so I figured I should check up on you.”

“Oh, is it? I didn’t even notice.” you sighed and leaned back in your chair.

“Busy day?” he asked as he walked into your office, placing one his thigh on top of your desk and leaning on it with his arm.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” you groaned, “but with great power comes great responsibility.” he smiled down at you sweetly, wishing he could take some of your workload from you.

“Well how about you relinquish your power for today,” he turned off your monitor, “and let me walk you to your car?” you smiled back at him and nodded. Your work was saved automatically, so you shut down your computer and gathered your things before standing up and leaving your office, your best friend in tow.

“Any plans tonight?” he asked as you made your way to the elevator.

“Just a warm shower, very comfortable pajamas, and maybe some Netflix. What about you?” you answered honestly as you pressed the “down” button, the door opening immediately.

“I think the guys wanna come over and play video games or something. You should come over too, we’re getting pizza, and you love pizza.” he said matter-of-factly, but you just laughed as you both stepped inside.

“That’s very true, but I can get my own. Enjoy the guy's time though, you deserve it.” you patted Joshua’s shoulder before pressing the “1” button and watching the doors close. The elevator ride and walk to your car was comfortably silent. You reached your less than impressive vehicle and stopped, turning to face Joshua. Before you could speak, he asked you a question.

“Hey… why do you always say no when I ask you to hang out?” he said shyly, playing with the end of one of his shirt sleeves.

“It’s the reason that I always give you,” you shrugged. “I know you have friends other than me, so I want you to have fun with them without me intruding.”

“Well yeah, I get that, but now that we don’t work together anymore...” Joshua reached up to grab your waist and pull you closer, but he stopped himself before you could notice. “Look, I’m just saying, we would all love it if you joined us sometime, so think about it okay?” he asked kindly and you nodded.

“I will. Promise.” you nodded. “But for now, there is a steaming hot cup of tea and a reclining couch in my future.”

“Next time then,” he said rather dejectedly. “I’ll call you later, okay?” You nodded as you got in your car and bid each other goodbye.

As you drove away, you wondered when you would finally take Joshua up on his offer. Maybe subconsciously you thought that meeting Joshua’s other friends or going to his apartment would make things between the two of you more serious. You thought maybe something would happen that would set your feelings for him in stone.

You were hesitant to say it was love, though, as even when you worked together you didn’t see each other outside of work much. It was probably because you were together for 40 hours a week anyway. You’d only ever gone to a bar or a restaurant after work 5 or 6 times, and you always thought that that was enough. If you thought there was even a slight chance that he would return your feelings for him, then you’d have no problem with things between you changing, but you knew he didn’t, and even if he did, you were too scared of confessing to him to find out. You had never been in love before, but what you felt for Joshua was certainly the closest you had ever come to it.

You parked in your assigned spot and turned your car off before heading up to your apartment. Though your thoughts had depressed you slightly, you got excited when you remembered Joshua would be calling you later.

When you got your promotion, you started calling Joshua at night and you told him that it was to talk about how each other’s days went, and it kind of was, but you mostly just wanted to hear his voice. Admittedly, it was one of your favorite things about him. Not only did he have incredible biceps, wide-set shoulders, an amazingly slender waist, pecks that were easily big enough for a bra, an exquisite complexion, and plush, pillow-like lips that his smooth, honey voice dripped off of.

Your thoughts of Joshua put you in such a daze that you were barely aware of the fact that you were already in your bathroom preparing to take a shower. You took off your clothes and turned the water on high heat before stepping in.

Hands. You had forgotten Joshua’s hands. His palms were large and his fingers the perfect length for.... sexual things you often thought about. You wondered how much better you shower would’ve been if only he was with you…

You tried to shake the thoughts out of your head as you washed yourself as quickly as you could, longing to put on your coziest pajamas and vege on your couch.

You hopped out of the shower, dried off and padded into your room. You hung your towel on the corner of your door and threw on your favorite shirt and pajama pants. You ran a comb through your hair and completed the steps of your skincare routine, happy that it was finally time to do absolutely nothing.

You boiled some water and made a cup of tea to calm you down for the night and put on an episode of the show you had recently started binging. You often wished you had the courage to invite Joshua over to simply do nothing with you, as it was one of your favorite hobbies, but you were afraid of what you might do or say in the comfort of your own home, and were even more afraid of getting rejected.

As you sipped your tea, you felt your eyes begin to grow heavy. Though each time they closed for too long, you shook yourself awake, as you realized your phone hadn’t rang yet.

When the episode ended, you made the decision to head into your room. After putting your mug in your sink and turning everything off, you climbed into bed. It was already 11:00pm, so you hoped Joshua would be calling soon. You played games on your phone to pass the time, until finally, a familiar ringtone filled your ears.

“Hi.” you answered the call almost too excitedly.

“Well hi there,” you could hear the smile in his voice.

“Did you have a good night?” you asked, also smiling on instinct.

“I did, the guys got too loud though, so had to end the party early.”

“Was it Vernon or the one who thinks he’s a tiger? Those are the only two I know.” you asked and he laughed out loud; you could just see the cute eye smile he had when he laughed really hard.

“It was the tiger, actually. Good job. How was your night?”

“Oh, you know, did exactly what I said I was gonna do. It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, though.” you played with the blanket that rested across your legs, remembering how you’d wished he was with you.

“Really? Why not?” he asked and you could hear the ruffling of bed sheets from his end of the call. You went back and forth between saying what you wanted to say and covering up your true emotions like you normally do, but you decided to reply with something in the middle of the two.

“I don’t know… I guess I kinda wish I had taken you up on your offer to come over, but I definitely wouldn’t wanna play video games.” you said and he chuckled, but for once there wasn’t a trace of a smile on your face. You were nervous, as every time Joshua invited you over you wished you had said yes, this was just the first time you were admitting it to him.

“Yeah, that doesn’t seem like you,” there was a long pause, “What… would you wanna do?” he asked ever so quietly, to the point that you almost couldn’t hear his voice. The question would normally sound innocent if you hadn’t been thinking about showering with him an hour or two prior, and something in his voice sounded sensual, like he was tempting you, trying to get you to confess something. Could he have been thinking the same things as you?

“I-I don’t know, watch a movie or something,” you said as casually as you could, though you were sure the shake in your voice gave you away. Dammit, you thought. Why am I so stupid?

“Oh,” Joshua let out an awkward cough, “Yeah, that would be cool.”

You both just sat there in silence, in a very awkward silence. That never really happened to the two of you, one of you almost always had something to say and you hated the intensity of the current situation.

“I’m really tired, so I think I’m gonna go to sleep.” you told him, not sounding nearly as chipper as you did when you answered the phone.

“Yeah… yeah you should do that. It’s really late.” he said and you could hear him pull the chain of what you assumed was a lamp before settling further into his bed.

“Goodnight Josh.” you said sweetly, but hung up the call before you could hear his response.

You, too, turned off the light that sat on your bedside table and curled up underneath your comforter. Tossing and turning, you tried to rid your mind of every dirty, sexual thought you’d had about your best friend that night. You don’t know what changed, but you were acting the complete opposite of how you usually forced yourself to act. You made an effort to never think about him provocatively, yet there you were, sexy Joshua thoughts galore, and you were beyond angry with yourself. You basically prayed that things would be normal between the two of you the next day.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to you, you were all Joshua could think about. The entire night, he’d wondered what it would have been like if you had accepted his offer and come over. How fun it would be to play video games with you, only letting you win when you were obviously frustrated. How happy it would make him to see you getting along with his 12 other best friends (he knew they would love you). How funny he would think it was when you bragged about the fact that you were able to eat more pizza slices than him, and how excited he would be sneaking you into his room, away from all the others, teasing you until you either begged him to fuck you senseless or pleaded for him to wait until everyone left.

As much as his mind told him not to, he knew his body wouldn’t listen as his hand slid down his body until he reached his member that was already halfway hard at the mere thought of you. His mind ran wild thinking of how pretty your moans would sound, how painfully sexy you would look with your mouth around his member or your head thrown back into the pillows, and how beautiful you would look when it was all over.

You were a complete wreck. You had woken up late, seemingly taken way longer than usual to get ready, and you spilt the coffee you had brought from home all over your blouse when you pressed the brakes too hard at a red light. Thankfully you kept an extra shirt in your office, but that didn’t change the fact that you were frazzled beyond belief.

You somehow managed to make it to work close to on time, but you didn’t bother to wait for Joshua. You had to get up to your office and change your shirt before the now cold coffee seeped through to your skin any further.

Though, Joshua on the other hand, was patiently waiting in his car for you to arrive, and when he saw you walking at a fast pace, in a frustrated fashion with no sign that you would be waiting for him, he let out a defeated sigh and turned off his car. Was it his fault you were frustrated? Were you still upset at how awkward things had gotten last night? Did you somehow know about his wank session that involved endless imagery of you? He surely hoped it was none of those things, especially the last one, as he made his way up to his desk.

You changed into your spare shirt in the corner of your office as fast as you could, partially because you needed to start working as soon as possible and partially so that no one would see you. The shirt was white and much tighter than you remembered it being, almost to the point that it was uncomfortable, but you didn’t have time to have an issue with it.

Low and behold, as soon as you sat down and turned your computer on, your boss entered your office.

“Good morning, Y/N. Happy Friday.” she said professionally.

“Happy Friday to you as well.” you replied, trying not to sound as out of breath as you were.

“I have a big meeting on Monday in Chicago. I’ll be leaving on Sunday and unless you want to come in on a Saturday, I highly suggest you finish all of this today.” she said as she handed you a sheet of paper. It was a list that started at the very top of the page and went all the way down to the bottom.

“M-ma’am, I know you need all of this done, but it’s quite a lot… I’m sure there’s someone else in the office that can take on some of these tasks and help get them done much faster than I could on my own.” you said as kindly as possible, though inside you were both boiling with rage and baffled by how much she was asking of you.

“Now Y/N…” she stepped closer to your desk and raised her eyebrow, “I promoted you for a reason. Don’t make me regret it.” and before you knew it, she was turning on her heel and walking out the door.

As badly as you wanted to bury your face in your hands and cry from stress, you knew you didn’t have time for that. You went through the list and picked out the shortest tasks to do first and numbered those with a “1”, then you found all of the tasks that were on the computer and labeled those with a “2”, and finally you marked the longer tasks, such as going different places within the building and sorting through files, with a “3”. You felt much more confident after that.

You worked quickly yet diligently up until lunch time, but you weren’t even done with the shortest tasks yet. As you scarfed down your lunch, you decided you would do the 3 tasks next instead of the 2’s. You figured you would be stuck at work for an extra hour or two, so you would rather walk around the building while it was still populated.

You grabbed the files you needed and went up to the 8th floor, the top floor where your boss and other executives worked, and got a few signatures. Then, you went down to the 4th and 3rd floors to collect some forms that you needed to fill out and to get information on the meeting your boss was going to. Then you, rather begrudgingly, went down to the 2nd floor where the industrial copier was. There were a few papers that your boss needed 200 copies each of, and the tiny printer in your office wasn’t by any means capable of that.

On the elevator ride down, you tried thinking if there was a route you could take to avoid seeing Joshua at his desk, but you couldn't come up with one. Normally, you’d be ecstatic that you were able to go to his floor and would spend as much time as you could at his desk without getting caught, but you weren’t really sure if he wanted to see you after last night’s awkwardness, and frankly, you didn’t know if you wanted to see him either.

When the elevator reached the 2nd floor, you stepped out and quickly walked to the room where the copier was with your head down. You walked by Joshua’s desk, but thankfully you didn’t think he noticed you.

Once you reached the copier, you took out the 4 papers you needed and began scanning them for copies. You waited, and waited, your foot tapping impatiently, and when the machine began printing copies of the 4th paper, there was a light knock at the door.

“Y/N?” Joshua’s sweet voice called out and you squeezed your eyes shut in defeat.

“Hey,” you replied quietly, though you stayed with your body turned toward the copier.

“How are you?” he asked kindly, slowly making his way over to you.

“Bad,” you chuckled at the unbelievability of it all, “What about you?”

“Um, fine I guess. I missed you this morning…” he said and your brows furrowed.

“You were still in your car when I got here? I was almost late.” you told him, surprise evident in your voice and your eyes wide as you finally looked at him. He was wearing a white button up identical to the one from yesterday, but his pants were khaki instead of black like usual. His hair was styled off of his forehead and it wasn’t helping the state you were in at all.

“Yeah, well I like you being the first person I see everyday. Makes the thought of going to work a little easier.” he shrugged and you felt like you could cry. How was he so fucking sweet?

“Thanks Josh, I just had a rough morning. I’ll do better next week, but right now I’ve gotta get these papers upstairs.” you said as you bent down to grab the gigantic stack of papers the copier had produced and held them tightly to your chest once you picked them up. You gave him a shy smile and, finally, went back to your office.

You nearly threw the papers onto your desk and separated them, putting the pieces of paper in stacks with papers alike. You then sat down and began your computer tasks, though once you saw the time on your computer, a heavy weight fell on your shoulders. You only had half an hour of work left, and there was no way you were going to be able to finish everything in that time. Though, again, you shook it off and began working.

You typed for the remainder of the work day, feeling as if your fingers were about to fall off. You had absolutely no concept of time at that point. Had it been 1 minute or 1 hour? You didn’t know, and before you knew it, you heard a tapping sound coming from the front of your office.

“Y/N, come on. I walked alone this morning and I’m not about to walk alone now.”

You buried your face in your hands and let out a very frustrated groan.

“I can’t leave!” you nearly yelled. “My boss gave me this stupid long to-do this morning and unless I wanna come in tomorrow, which I so don’t, I have to finish everything tonight, but it seems like the more I do the longer this list gets and- God this sucks.” you were on the verge of tears, your elbows on your desk and your hands in your hair. You looked down and closed your eyes, not wanting tears to fall in front of Joshua; he’d never seen you cry before.

The room was silent for a moment, then you heard footsteps.

“Hey,” Joshua said, squatting down in front of your desk. He moved your hands off of your head and placed your arms on your desk. Red-eyed and reluctantly, you looked at him. “I’m gonna help you, okay? You’ll get everything done tonight and you’ll get to sleep in tomorrow, I promise.” he smiled a toothless, genuine smile. “Let me go get my laptop, alright?”

On a normal day, you would insist that he should go home, that it was a Friday night and that you knew he had plans and that he should go enjoy them, but you hadn’t been this stressed since you got promoted. That being said, you simply nodded and admired his figure as he exited your office.

You began attaching the forms you needed him to fill out to an email as you waited. Even though it was on work terms, you were really excited to finally have some alone time with Joshua. You wished you were feeling more bubbly, for his sake, but he knew how to handle you in any state.

He came back with his laptop in one hand and a foldable chair in the other. He walked around to the side of your desk that you were on and set up the chair next to you before putting his laptop on your desk and turning it on.

“Thank you, Joshua, really. I know you had plans tonight, so it means a lot that you’re helping me.” you told him, but he just nodded. He was always the type to help without feeling the need to be thanked, so he almost never said ‘you’re welcome’.

You were typing and clicking at a rapid pace, forwarding things to your boss and to her colleagues, making sure everyone that was going on the business trip had the information they needed. You weren’t exactly why you were the one getting things for a business trip that you weren’t even going on, but you didn’t question it as you wanted to keep your job.

At around 9pm, you finally sent out your last email. You sighed loudly and slumped down in your chair dramatically with a blissful smile on your face. Joshua looked down at you and grinned.

“All done?” he asked and you nodded.

“I feel so much better.” you admitted and sat up straight again. You placed your elbow on your desk and rested your cheek in your hand, looking toward Joshua. “Are you almost finished? I can help you with the rest.”

“Actually,” he clicked his mouse a few times before looking at you, “I’m done too.” he closed his laptop and stood up and you followed suit. You smiled ear to ear and bent down to turn off your computer. Joshua folded the chair he was sitting in and you gathered your things before finally exiting your office. All of the lights in the building were turned off, except the emergency lights, so it was relatively dark.

“You know,” Joshua began as you made your way to the elevator, “the guys don’t even believe you’re real at this point.” you couldn't help but giggle.

“Yeah? Because you keep saying I’ll come to things and then I don’t?” you asked and he let out a breathy laugh, entering the elevator with you by his side and pressing the “2” button.

“I guess so… I must’ve made you sound too good to be true.” he looked over at you, but you kept your gaze on the elevator floor, hiding your blush. Was he playing some sort of game or were you still hypersensitive from the previous night? You figured if he had something to say he would just say it, but maybe he felt the same way as you in terms of not wanting to ruin your friendship… It felt like forever, but you eventually reached the second floor and made your way to Joshua’s workspace.

He placed his laptop on his desk and you plugged it into the charger as he went to put the chair away. You leaned against his desk as you waited, not exactly sure where he went. You tapped your foot on the linoleum floor and soon Joshua was headed back toward you. Though, the way he was walking was strange. His head was down and he seemed to be twiddling his fingers in front of him.

When he reached you, you stood up straight, a look of concern on your face.

“Are you oka-”

“I love you.”

You blinked up at him. “What?”

“Uhh, I’m in love with you. I don’t know why I’m telling you this right now.” he said, avoiding your gaze.

All you could do was stand still. Normally your body and mind reacted instinctively upon hearing things, but this time you were frozen. He finally looked you in the eyes and you felt your test tighten.

“Why…” you pondered for a moment, “Why didn’t you say something last night?!” you threw your hands up in the air frustratedly and stepped away from him. His face went from nervous to confused as he turned to look at you.

“What? Why would I have done that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I was horny out of my mind?” you raised your voice slightly, and he was looking at you like a deer caught in headlights. You looked at him for a moment, then sighed, burying your face in your hands. “Sorry, that was… anyway what I meant to say is that I like you too, a lot actually, love is just a really scary word and I’ve never been in love before so I didn’t want to word it that way and I’m not only interested in you physically, even though that’s how it sounded, it just would’ve been nice to know that yesterday because I’ve been like, really lonely for a while now and would’ve potentially, no, definitely wanted to hook up or something, but anyway that’s beside point-”

“Y/N.” Joshua interrupted your extremely nervous ramble and walked up to you, your chests almost touching. He reached up and gently tilted your chin so you were looking up into his beautiful brown eyes. Before you could ask what he was doing, his lips were on yours.

You couldn’t believe it, but his lips felt even softer than they looked. His kiss was gentle, warm, and inviting, just as he was.

You put your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, wanting to feel him against you as best as you could. His tongue slid into your mouth and his hands began roaming your body. He touched you everywhere he could, as if he’d thought about what he’d do this moment on an endless loop. His hands roamed your sides, squeezing your hips with a groan before moving up to your breasts.

“God this shirt…” he whispered into the kiss. You smirked against his lips as you leaned into his touch.

“What about it?” you replied quickly, unable to believe how amazing his hands felt even over your blouse.

“It’s so,” he bit your bottom lip as he pulled away from the kiss, “tight.” you moaned into the kiss as his hands travelled down your body once more. One stopped at your waist and the other continued to your ass. “These skirts are ridiculous too.” he sighed against your lips, pushing your lower half against his. You could feel him growing hard in his pants, his member prodding against your stomach only exciting you further.

“What?” you laughed, “Are they too tight?” you raised your eyebrow. He smirked against your lips, reaching down and grabbing the back of your thighs before lifting you up and setting you on the desk. You placed a lingering kiss on his lips, “Because I’ll show you tight.” you joked and he chuckled, looking down at the floor.

“I don’t know why I thought you would be able to stay serious this whole time.” he kissed you again, only this time with more force. You kept one hand on the back of his neck and moved the other one to his chest, beginning to unbutton his dress shirt. With each button that came undone, more of his beautiful honey-colored skin was revealed.

Once his front was fully revealed, you didn’t hesitate to run your hands across his perfectly sculpted chest and down his slender waist to rest on his belt buckle. He quickly untucked your shirt from your skirt and lifted it over your head, tossing it behind you. He unbuckled your bra with ease as he kissed you, almost aggressively pulling it off and tossing it to the side. When his hands finally touched your bare breasts, he let out a long sigh, his kisses becoming sloppier.

“This is so much better than I imagined.” he grunted, the words going straight between your legs. You couldn’t use words to express how happy, and aroused, it made you to know that Joshua had just as sinful thoughts about you as you had about him.

Joshua removed his hands from you to pull off his shirt. He dropped it at his feet and returned one hand to your breast, thumb roaming over your nipple as his other hand fiddled with the zipper on the side of your skirt. He tugged it down and you lifted your body enough so that he could pull it off.

Suddenly he grabbed your hips and slid you forward, your crotch pressing against his. He leaned down and took one of your nipples in his mouth, grinding his hardened member against you. The pressure on your clit and the wetness of his mouth on your breast had you whimpering, your fingers threaded through his platinum locks.

“J-Joshua, more,” you whined, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible. He sat you up straight and your hands immediately went to work on his belt. Your hands shook slightly as you undid it, your excitement getting the best of you. As soon as it was unbuckled, you popped the button open and unzipped his pants as he quickly toed his shoes off. He kicked his pants off as well and shoved them under the desk with his foot.

Your hand immediately went to palm his member over his boxers, a beautiful moan falling off of Joshua’s lips. He went from kissing your lips to your neck and you bit your lip, trying not to make the noises your body so desperately wanted to make.

You sighed before reaching into Joshua’s boxers, beginning to stroke his length. He inhaled sharply at the feeling before letting out a shaky breath. When you reached the top of his cock, you ran your thumb over the tip, precum dripping down his shaft.

“Y/N,” he moaned, “God I need to fuck you.” he let out a sigh as he rested his forehead against yours, breathing heavily.

“Then do it.” you smirked, refusing to break eye contact as you slowly slid his boxers down his thighs. You placed a light kiss on his lips and shoved them the rest of the way down. He kicked them to where the rest of his clothes were before grabbing your hip with one hand and resting his other on the desk. He leaned forward and captured your lips in a kiss, continuing to lean forward until you were laying flat against the cold wood.

He kissed you sweetly as his hand travelled down your body, moving right past where you needed him most, to grip your thigh. You knew he was teasing you and you hated it.

As soon as you went to complain, his lips were kissing your neck once more. He bit down gently on your skin before sliding his tongue over the wound. You let out a moan as he moved to another spot on your neck, repeating the process on another spot of supple skin.

You moved your hands to his hair and pulled on it, arching into his touch. He then peppered kisses across your chest before moving to your breasts. He wrapped his mouth around one and his large hand encompassed the other. He sucked on your nipple before pulling on it with his teeth, the action going straight between your legs.

He sloppily kissed his way down your stomach, his hands moving down your legs and removing your heels. When he reached right below your navel, he slowly spread your legs. You were hesitant, being so exposed always made you nervous, but you were too far gone to even think of changing anything.

He lightly blew on your clit, eliciting a loud moan to fall from your lips. Your back arched and you tugged on his hair, trying to pull him closer to your heat.

“Tell me what you want.” though his voice sounded sweet, his tone was adamant. He stared at your pussy, glistening beautifully just for him. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting the opportunity to touch you, to feel you.

“I,” he ran his finger along your heat, collecting your wetness and causing you to let out a shaky breath as he trailed his wet finger down your thigh. “I-I want your mouth.” you rushed. He continued gently roaming his finger all around your lower half, though purposefully avoiding your sensitive spot.

“Want my mouth… where?” he pouted slightly as he looked up at you from between your legs.

“Joshua please don’t make me-” he cut you off by slowly licking from your entrance to your clit. He lapped at your pussy, collecting your juices on his tongue before sucking on your clit. You breathed heavily as you grabbed at his hair, whimpers leaving your lips. He kitten licked at your heat as he slid one of his long fingers into you.

“Oh my god yes,” you moaned breathlessly as he pumped it in and out of you. He soon added a second finger, curling them inside of you before pumping them a few times and repeating the process. The tips of his fingers hit your spot, and he knew it too. You clenched around his fingers and moaned louder than you had the entire night.

“Joshua…” you said quietly, stopping his hand with yours. He looked up at you with wide eyes, thinking that he had done something wrong. You brought his fingers to your lips and Joshua bit his lip as he watched you suck them clean. You put your hand on the back of his head and crashed your lips to his, the taste of you still on his tongue.

“What is it?” he whispered against your lips. You let your tongue explore his mouth as he slowly stood up. You reached down to stroke his length once more, Joshua bucking into your hand involuntarily.

“Wanna come on your cock.” you admitted and felt him smirk against your lips. You laid back down eagerly, Joshua leaning with you, continuing the kiss.

He propped himself up on one elbow and moved his other hand in between your bodies, aligning his cock with your entrance. He kissed you passionately as he slid into you, a guttural moan falling from Joshua’s lips and a high-pitched one falling from yours. He buried his face in your neck as you got used to the feeling of each other, the euphoria being better than you could have imagined.

“Okay,” you exhaled and tapped his shoulder. He slowly pulled out of you and then slammed back in, repeating the slow yet menacing process until it was clear the both of you needed more.

Joshua stood up straight, your hips tight in his grip, and quickened his pace. You could feel every inch of him, a light sweat covering your forehead.

“Harder,” you pleaded, though your voice was barely audible.

Your wish was his command as he kept the fast pace, but began pounding into you mercilessly. With each thrust he hit your g-spot, causing your back to arch almost painfully.

“You feel so good baby,” he groaned, a quiet moan falling from your lips at the unexpected nickname.

Joshua couldn’t keep his eyes off of you and his ears worked hard to pick up every sound that fell from your lips. Your breasts bounced with each thrust and he could hear how wet you were; how wet he had made you. Other than how sinfully beautiful you looked under him, the fact that he was the one who was making you feel so good was driving him crazy.

“I’m so close,” you whimpered, eyes closing as you relished in the feeling. One of Joshua’s hands moved from your waist to your clit, adding pressure as he thrusted into you. You cried out, grabbing his hand that was on your hip and digging your nails into it.

“Look at me,” he demanded. As hard as it was, you opened your eyes and looked directly into his. There was hair sticking to his forehead and a few beads of sweat were rolling down his chest and you swore you could’ve come from the sight of him alone.

The combination of Joshua’s cock thrusting into you at the perfect angle along with his finger on your clit and the face he made when you clenched around him was enough to throw you over the edge. You came around him, the calling out of his name accompanying your shaking body in its euphoric state.

As soon as you came down from your high, Joshua pulled out of you and rubbed his length along your heat, cumming on your stomach with a loud moan.

You laid there, sweaty and exhausted, your chest moving up and down rapidly. You reached up and ran your hands through your hair as Joshua opened one of his desk drawers. He pulled out a napkin and wiped his cum off of you before tossing it into the trash can.

“Thank you,” you said shyly. He nodded and offered his hand to you. You took it and he pulled you up toward him, a small smile on your face.

“See I knew you were hot, but that was insane.” he pecked your lips as you laughed.

“Right back at you.” you moved a few of the hairs off of his forehead and admired his slightly dewy features.

“Now I say,” he ran his hands down your bare sides, “we stay at your place tonight. Our first time having sex should be our first time spending the night together right? I would say we could go to my place, it’s kind of a mess.” he suggested, lacing his fingers together behind your back. You smiled up at him.

“I love you too.” you said and his face dropped.

“What?” he mirrored you with his words.

“I love you too. I realized I never said it back to you before, but I do.”

Joshua remembered you mentioning not knowing what being in love feels like and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Then, as if a lightbulb went off in his head, he made a face of realization.

“It was the dick wasn’t it?” he questioned, causing you to let out a laugh.

“What’re you talking about?” you asked as you leaned back on your hands.

“Cause before you were all like ‘oh I don’t know what love is’ and now you’re saying you love me.” he impersonated you and now you were both laughing, specifically at the chances of it all.

“It wasn’t just the sex… but I will admit it was the deciding factor.”

“Well, I’m glad you decided to return the feeling.” the conversation ended as his eyes slowly made their way from your face to your neck. “I see I left my mark,” he ran his fingers over the few hickey’s he had left near your collarbones, “Sorry about that.”

Your eyes fluttered shut at his touch, your skin seemingly more sensitive than it was before. “Stop touching me or I’m gonna try and fuck you again and I would like our next time to be outside of the office.”

“So you mean like, at the park or something?” you opened your eyes and looked at him with a deadpan expression. He flashed you a dorky smile, but you just rolled your eyes, standing up to collect your clothing.

He tried to convince you that what he’d said was funny as the both of you got dressed, but you simply nodded and threw out an ‘mhm’ here and there.

As you left the office, hand in hand for the first time, you decided to stop by Joshua’s apartment so he could pick up some clothes for the weekend (he didn’t plan on going home until he had to) and to drop off his car, then head over to your place.

Once you arrived at your apartment, you took a somehow innocent shower together. Both of you were tired, but neither of you were through with feeling the other’s skin on your own. You took your time getting ready for bed, running a comb through your hair and applying moisturiser. You talked to Joshua and it felt like nothing had changed, you were still the best friends you were before, and you wondered if that meant you were in love with each other the entire time, maybe even before you ever realized you liked him.

You settled into your bed, Joshua’s bare chest under your head. He ran his hand through your damp hair as your eyelids grew heavier.

“So I guess we’re, what, together now?” he asked and you looked up at him.

“I’d like that if you would, yeah.” you said quietly, hoping that after your evening the two of you were on the same page.

“More than anything.”

He kissed your forehead and you returned to your spot on his chest, a thankful, thoroughly pleased smile on your face as you drifted off to sleep.

a/n: hi.. sooooo this is my first time writing a ~lengthy one shot and also my first time writing smut and i kNOW that it’s not very GOOD but i tried ok i promise i Will get better but yeah this is like 2/10 stars so i apologize :( i hope if anything that you guys like the storyline and/ or the dialogue or idk i hope you guys at least like one aspect about it sdjlsfjlkjsdf this was a bit rushed so admittedly it could be better but truthfully i got really excited about writing it ANYWAY!! i chose to write this based on the results from the writing preferences survey i have pinned! so if you wanna fill it out if you haven’t that would be super :^) again i hope you guys liked this and thank you so so much for reading <3

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whoreshijima · 4 years

Text

CW// pregnancy (duh) fem!reader, mentions of a gun in Daichis, panic attack described in Kageyamas.

Pretty SFW, showering with suga

AN- thank you to @buttressflybarnes and @vs-redemption for general advice and character help :))) I appreciate it v much love you both 🥰

DAICHI

“Baby, I’m home” he calls out, dropping his bag by the door and hanging his jacket up. He slides his shoes off and places his gun on the side table “baby?” He calls again, not used to the silence that follows. Instinctively he picks his gun back up, frowning. Normally you’d skip over to him, your arms would slip around his neck as you embraced him “I missed you” is what you’d usually whisper, clinging onto him like there’s no tomorrow. But not tonight. He can’t smell dinner cooking, or hearing you sing along to the radio. He’s nervous.

Wandering through the house, he’s on edge, his gun in his hand tightly. Gently he pushes the bedroom door open. Nothing. Sometimes he’s used to seeing you napping under the blankets, engulfed in pillows. Not tonight. He steps through the room and into your bathroom. He can hear crying and it’s ripping his heart into millions of pieces “hey... hey baby, can I come in?” He knocks gently on the door, placing his head against it “please...” he whispers, wanting nothing more than to just hold you in his arms and make the world better for you again.

The door swings open and he meets your eyes, they’re red and puffy and filling with tears again. “Hey... hey hey hey sweetie” suddenly you’re being held against daichis chest. Your safe place. “It’s not bad crying dai...” you mutter into his shirt, reluctantly reeling away from his chest. Slowly you place the 5 pregnancy tests you’ve taken into his hands, unable to meet his eyes. “Woah...” he whispers, staring at them for what seems like forever “woah!” He then shouts out, picking you up and holding you tight “we’re gonna be parents. Oh my... thank you, thank you thank you thank you” he whispers. Eventually he puts you back down, strong sturdy hands finding their way to your stomach “thank you...” tears evident in his voice “I love you. And I love you too” he’s beaming now, talking down to your stomach, eventually getting on his knees “hi little one...”. You’re laughing now, running your hands through his tousled hair. “We love you too Dai”

KAGEYAMA

You had this planned for a while. Normally you make him breakfast and lunch, and a small snack for his days full of Training and working out. Being a professional volleyball player meant he needed to be looked after and you were more than willing to be the person to do so. It’s 7am and With a kiss on the cheek and a mutter of “byes” and “love yous” he slides out the front door. You settle into the couch and put on your favourite movie. You had put the pregnancy test, wrapped up in cloth, in the bottom of the bento box with a small note revealing the news. You couldn’t wait to get the phone call off him, knowing he will be happy with the news.

Hours have passed, you’re getting upset and overwhelmed at the thought of him not liking the news. The only thing that makes you feel better is cuddling up in kags’ largest hoodie and the pint of chocolate chip cookie ice cream that you had being eyeing up in the freezer. You can’t help the tears that fall from your eyes, or the sobs that pull themselves from your chest and suddenly you’re doubled over and you can’t find the air to breathe. Your hands clutch your stomach and the heartache you feel outweighs anything you’ve ever felt before “Y/N I’m— what the... hey... hey hey hey” you can hear him run over to the couch, kneeling before you there’s a comforting feeling when you sense Kageyamas soft, reliable hands holding your face, his deep blue eyes meeting yours, searching for the reason for your heartache “what’s going on huh?”

“Y-you don’t want the baby... you never called. You never m-messaged” you hiccup out, jerking your head away from his hands. Youre met with kageyama just staring at you, completely lost to what you’re saying “what are you talking about? What baby? What’s going on?” He sighs. “The bento box kags! I... there was the surprise? The pregnancy test?” His eyes go wide and he scrambles to his feet, slipping and sliding his way to the bag he dumped by the door. The lid is discarded on the floor as he searches through the box and pulling out the test “p-positive... you’re pregnant?!” He asks quietly, looking at you as you look back nodding silently. “I haven’t eaten today baby... I... oh my god I’m so sorry” He’s in front of you now, holding you close and whispering into your hair “you’re gonna be such a good muma... you already look after me so...” that elicits a giggle from you, instantly relaxing “thank you” he grins, thumb rubbing your stomach gently.

SUGA

You had been waiting all day, nervous and fidgeting as you blew up the pink and blue balloons. You knew it was cheesy, typical and the easy way out but you knew your husband will be over the moon with however you decided to tell him. He had been at work all day and you didn’t even get to see him this morning, him running out the door before you even managed to roll out of bed and get a drink. Suga didn’t wanna disturb you, you had been sick all week, throwing up most mornings and sleeping the days away. He was worried about you and convinced you to take some time off work, to look after yourself and de stress. You knew something was off so you went and bought 6 pregnancy tests. All of them coming out positive.

After pinning the balloons to the wall, along with the banners and streamers, you decided to make a cake. You had been craving cake for a week now, deciding to make a deep chocolate cake, covered in ganache and sprinkles. A few hours have passed and you’re covered in flour, chocolate and sprinkles. Checking the time you start to panic. Suga will be home very soon and you look a mess. You run to the bathroom and set up your music as the room gets steamy end warm. Stepping into the water you relax, glad to get the grime of the day off your body and mentally prepare yourself for your husband to take the news.

You don’t hear the front door shut or the gasp that leaves sugas mouth as he drops his bag and runs through the house trying to find you, the biggest grin on his face. You don’t hear the bathroom door opening or how he’s shrugging his shirt and slacks off, discarding them on the floor with yours “hey mumma...” he grins as he slides into the shower behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You jump as you feel his cold hands against your warm stomach but you instantly relax into his touch “hey daddy...” you giggle before pouting “this isn’t how I wanted to tell you” you don’t get the chance to sigh or pout before your lips are being crushed by his and he’s resting his forehead to yours “I don’t care... I love you so much... thank you. You’re bringing our little human into this world” you tear up and nod, looking into his own teary eyes. “Our little human” you’re silent for a few minutes before hearing your husband pipe up “can we go eat cake now?”

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maybeimamuppet · 3 years

Text

city of love

hello friends! happy wednesday! this is a request fill for NoaAvrahami6 on Wattpad, who requested the art freaks going on a long vacation/ road trip, and there's a scene to fill a request from aster-alpine on Wattpad (@deadbreadrunning here) who requested them swimming with dolphins :)

also, quick note, I have done absolutely nothing they do in this story, so I apologize for any inaccuracies. I have definitely learned the lesson that is 'write what you know'. I did as much research as my brain could handle and now I know more than I ever wanted to about the Venus de milo.

quick tw for panic attacks, but otherwise, enjoy.

Janis is scheming.

Cady is a week away from completing her PhD in mathematics. All she has left to do is defend her dissertation and publish her work, and then she’ll find out if the last four years of work have been worth it. She deserves presents.

Janis has two ideas. The first, is a dog. They have a cat, which Cady had agreed to adopting as a get-well present when Janis had broken her arm several years ago. Elvira is well-loved and very spoiled, but Cady has been begging for a dog. No time like the present. Janis found a reliable rescue breeder who recently had a litter of golden retriever puppies, and would be taking Cady to pick one soon.

Her second idea is a trip. Cady loves to travel, but has been so busy for the last several years that they haven’t gotten an opportunity to go any further than their trips back home to Illinois since their honeymoon in Kenya. Janis has family on her father’s side in France, that she also hasn’t been able to see in several years.

So, she’s booking a flight, also deciding to let Damian come as a surprise. He had recently landed the lead role in a revival of Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway, so he deserves a present too. He doesn’t start rehearsals for another few months, which gives Janis the perfect window of opportunity.

She finds a flight with a few seats available for the evening Cady will (hopefully) receive her degree; a miraculously non-stop flight to Marseille, where her family lives. Janis figures they’ll stop there for a few days, and then travel to Paris to see some of the more iconic sights.

Janis books the tickets, figuring it’ll either be a happy surprise or a consolation trip, and knowing it’s very likely to be the former. She clears her browser history after, in case Cady gets an urge to snoop. Then, she figures she should probably let Damian know to prepare for an international trip in a week.

danis: hey u wanna go to france??

jamian: What did you do

danis: booked us a trip to france

jamian: Janis

jamian: Why

danis: bc my wife becomes a doctor in a week and deserves a gift, and i want you to come. and also bc you got seymour and deserve a gift too

jamian: Oh

jamian: That’s actually really sweet, Jan

danis: it’s my yearly act of goodwill

jamian: I figured lmao

jamian: When are we leaving?

danis: flights on friday at 7, i’ll pick u up. i wanna surprise caddy at her school and then we’ll go right to the airport

jamian: Aww how cute

jamian: Do you need Aaron to watch Ellie?

danis: oh shit yeah i forgot about that

danis: tell him i’ll bring him back whatever he wants as a thank you and a sorry i can’t bring you with us

jamian: U really forgot your whole cat

danis: no!!! i just forgot we can’t bring her!!! i’m a good cat mom!!!!!

jamian: You give her potato chips

jamian: Like on the reg

danis: because she likes them

danis: and i don’t give her enough to hurt her

jamian: Press x to doubt

jamian: Aaron said he’ll cat sit for some chocolates from France and lots of photos

danis: tits i can do that

danis: oh shit caddy’s home i gtg love u

jamian: Love you too tell her I say hi

danis: 📷

“Hey, Peanut, how was your day?” Janis asks gently. Cady lets her exhausted glare answer. “That good, huh? Do you want snuggles?” Cady nods, but signs that she wants to take a shower first. Her day must have been rough if she won’t speak. “Of course, baby, go ahead. I’ll wait for you in the bedroom.”

Cady signs a thank you in return, pecking her gently in greeting and scratching Elvira before heading into the bathroom. Janis decides to go the extra mile today and lights a nice candle in the bedroom, and pulls out a book to read to her. Cady loves the sound of Janis’ voice, so whenever her day has been especially tough they have story time, squeezing in as much of Janis’ voice and good snuggles as they can.

Cady doesn’t return until nearly 45 minutes later, in a set of Janis’ pajamas and with her hair neatly braided over her shoulder. Janis reaches for her, pulling her into a tight cuddle and squeezing gently in case she’s also having a sensory overload.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She murmurs softly, scratching Cady’s scalp gently in the way that always makes her practically melt in Janis’ lap.

Cady sighs, burying her face in Janis’ chest further. “Just... a lot, today. I have a lot to do, and a lot is riding on this week. I’m gonna be stressed until Friday. And maybe after that, if I don’t make it.”

“You’re gonna make it, baby. You’re a genius, you did two degrees in the time most people do one. And you’ve been working so hard and carefully, I know you’re going to do it. And if you don’t, everybody at that school is catching these hands,” Janis replies.

Cady chuckles at that, finally poking her face out. She grunts slightly as Elvira suddenly jumps onto her back, joining their cuddle puddle happily. “Thanks, Bluejay. You’re... you’ve been the best partner I could’ve asked for, through all of this. I wouldn’t have even made it this far without you.”

“Yes, you would have,” Janis says. “But I’m glad I could be here for you. I love you.”

Cady inches her way up to Janis’ face so as not to disturb the cat snoozing on her back, but makes it and leans in for a kiss. “I love you too. Are you gonna read to me?”

“Yeah, if you want,” Janis replies. “Figured it might cheer you up a bit.”

Cady nods happily, cuddling into her and resting her head on her shoulder. She’s sound asleep before Janis even reaches the third chapter, so Janis sets an alarm and joins her in an impromptu nap.

————-

Cady barely speaks for the next few days, frantically studying, rehearsing, and proofreading everything. Janis is worried, but knows there’s not a lot she can do. She stays out of her way and brings her caffeinated teas and snacks from time to time.

The day before D-Day, Janis makes waffles for dinner, Cady’s favorite. Cady is still at the desk in their bedroom, where she’s been for nearly six days straight.

“Hey,” Janis says gently as she comes to drop off her plate. She usually eats her own dinner on the bed, spending time with Cady as she studies. But this time, Cady snatches her wrist once she sets the plate down and won’t let her leave. “You okay?”

Cady hasn’t looked at her yet, but doesn’t let go of her arm. She just stares at her massive book, clutching Janis’ wrist like a lifeline, like it’s the only thing holding her to Earth. Suddenly, she lets out a choked sob.

“Baby, hey,” Janis says softly. “What’s the matter?”

“I can’t do this, Janis,” Cady cries desperately. “I-I dont-I can’t-“

“Hey, shh,” Janis hushes. “Come here, get away from this for now.” She picks Cady up from her chair and carries her to the bed, letting Cady lock tight around her and sob into her shoulder. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t do it,” Cady wails. “It’s not good enough, and I’m- and I’m out of time, I can’t- I can’t do it!” She suddenly starts crying much harder, and is practically gasping for breath in between sobs.

“Baby, hey, look at me,” Janis insists, cupping her cheeks to look into her eyes. They’re wide and frantic, she looks terrified. She’s having an anxiety attack. Janis quickly tries to remember what she does for her own. The countdown strategy pops into her head, and she decides it’s worth a try. “Focus on me, okay? Tell me five things you can see.”

Cady chokes another sob and clings to her desperately, but manages to splutter out a reply. “Um-um... you-your face, and um-and... um... cat, and... the-and your p-painting, and the cl-the clock, and your tattoos.”

“Good, Butterfly,” Janis says gently. She holds Cady’s face again gently when she tries to look back to the desk. “No, hey, don’t look over there. Tell me four things you can hear.”

“There’s a-there’s a siren, outside,” Cady sobs. “And... and a bird, and... um... you talk-talking, and the-the cat. Chat-chattering.”

“You’re doing good, angel, breathe,” Janis says. “Three things you can feel.”

“Hold-holding me, you-you holding m-me,” Cady chokes. “And the-the bed. ‘S soft. And-and your hair. Tickles.”

“Another breath, baby. Two things you can smell,” Janis coaxes gently.

“Dinner,” Cady whimpers. “And you-your shampoo. Apples.”

“Almost done, baby, what’s something you can taste?” Janis asks, holding her tighter.

“Tea. From earlier,” Cady sniffles.

“Good job, Butterfly. Are you feeling any better?” Janis asks quietly, laying them down and squishing Cady on top of her. Cady nods slightly against her shoulder.

“A little,” she says quietly. She’s still crying, but sounds much less frantic. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, angel, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Janis says as she kisses her forehead. “Can you tell me what’s happening now?”

Cady takes a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. “I’m scared. I’ve had years to get this right, get it perfect. It’s not. I don’t... I’m scared to defend it, what if I mess up, or... stutter or stim too much and I don’t pass?”

“If you don’t pass for stuttering or stimming during your speech then everyone grading you is fucking ableist and I will fight all of them,” Janis growls protectively. “But we can figure something out later if it worries you. And I’m positive your dissertation and thesis are wonderful. You’ve been working so hard, non-stop, for years. It may not be perfect, but if you’ve been doing anything but your best work all these years I’ll be stunned. You’re going to pass, and you’ll be Doctor Heron, and then I have a surprise for you to celebrate.”

“A surprise?” Cady asks quietly with a sniffle. “What did you get?”

“It’s a surprise, Peanut,” Janis chuckles. “You’ll find out tomorrow. But I think you’ll like it.”

“Okay,” Cady says so sadly that Janis wants to spoil everything now. But she manages to resist, knowing her reaction tomorrow will be better. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, baby. Eat with me, you need a break,” Janis says as she grabs Cady’s plate from the desk. “Bed picnic.”

Cady reaches for her just barely warm waffles. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Janis says as she leans over for a kiss.

“Can I try to guess what you got?” Cady asks with a bit more energy.

“Sure,” Janis chuckles. “But even if you guess it I’m not gonna tell you.”

Cady groans. “I wanna knoooooow.”

“And you will know tomorrow,” Janis giggles. “Guess away, Butterfly.”

“A puppy?” Cady asks.

Yes, Janis thinks. “No.” She says.

Cady pouts. “Um... did you paint me something?”

“Nope,” Janis chuckles as she takes another bite of her waffles.

“Hm... a... can you give me a hint?” Cady pleads. Janis tries her hardest to resist the puppy eyes.

“Fine, one hint,” Janis groans. The puppy eyes still haven’t lost their magic. “Think bigger.”

“Bigger... um... two puppies?”

“No,” Janis laughs. “Just eat. You’ll find out in less than a day, you can live with not knowing for that long.”

“Fine,” Cady grumbles. She finishes her waffles quietly and cuddles back into Janis. “Can you stay? I need to proofread it again but I don’t want to be alone.”

“Sure, Kitkat. Let me wash the dishes and I’ll be right back,” Janis replies. She rushes through scrubbing their plates and everything clean, then grabs her easel and joins Cady in the bedroom. She paints away while Cady reads, both of them working in comfortable silence. Janis has always loved these moments, where the silence doesn’t need to be filled, and they’re both content to just be with each other.

Cady finishes several hours later, closing her book with a deep sigh. “Jay?”

“Mm?” Janis hums in reply.

“You said we could figure something out. To stop me stimming,” Cady says as she turns to face her.

“I never said I’d stop you stimming,” Janis says, stepping around her easel. “I just meant that we’d find a way to make it less obvious, if you’re so worried about it.”

“Oh.”

Janis reaches for her. “Why are you so worried about it?”

Cady comes to nuzzle into her embrace quietly. “I dunno. It’s... it can be embarrassing, sometimes. I’ve done all this stuff, I’m hopefully about to get my PhD, but I still have to... curl my toes a certain way or flick my hands or fold myself up like a pretzel to get my brain to work like everyone else’s. And people stare, you can tell they think I’m childish.”

Janis hums sadly. “I get it, but it shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. It doesn’t make you any less professional, or brilliant, it just helps you regulate, right?” Cady nods against her chest. “Yeah. You have all this knowledge in your brain now, it makes sense it needs a little wiggle to help kick it in gear and sort it all out.”

Cady chuckles. “Thanks, Jayjay.”

“And it feels good, remember when I tried all your favorites?” Janis says. “Satisfying.”

“Oh, yeah, it feels so good,” Cady laughs. “But what plan do you have?”

“Pick what you’re gonna wear tomorrow and make sure it has pockets,” Janis replies. “Big ones.”

“Where are you going?” Cady calls as she roots through her closet.

“Nowhere, hang on!” Janis calls back from the living room. She comes back with a necklace, a small cube, and a few other small stim toys she had ordered. Cady looks at them curiously as she pulls out a formal blue jumpsuit and blazer from the closet.

“What are those?” She asks as she rests it on their bed.

“Stim stuff. I made this one,” Janis says as she holds up the cube. “Julie sent me some of her old Legos, and then there’s a spring inside so it’s a little button. And it doesn’t make any noise or anything.”

Cady takes it curiously, pushing the button in the center a few times. “You made this? For me?”

“Yeah, of course. I made this too,” Janis says as she hands over the necklace. “I ordered the charm, it’s a chewy one, and then put the beads on so it’s not, like, obvious it’s a chewy necklace. I figured you could have it on if you wanted, it might help.”

Cady takes the necklace too, gnawing on the charm gently to test it out. Janis thought ahead, the chain is one she can handle. “Thank you, mpenzi.”

“And then I bought these. You can have them in your pocket and use them there, nobody would know if you didn’t want them to. They’d just think you were holding your hands in your pockets,” Janis says rapidly. “Oh, and you can borrow some of my shoes so you have room to move your feet inside, that won’t be noticeable either.”

Cady throws herself at Janis, knocking her backwards onto the bed and kissing her hard. “I love you so much. You’re perfect. Thank you.”

Janis kisses her back just as hard, tangling her hand in her hair and resting the other just above her bum. “You’re welcome, Butterfly. I love you too.”

Cady kisses her again gently, brushing their lips together a few times. “I’m sorry, by the way. I know I’ve been ignoring you this week, you don’t deserve that.”

“Babe, you’ve barely slept this week, and you only eat when I bring you food, I’m more worried about that,” Janis chuckles. “I get the rest of my life with you, wifey. I can handle a week for you to work every now and again. After tomorrow we get to spend more time together again anyway.”

Cady smiles at her. “We’ll do something special. I’m gonna shower, but I wanna cuddle you all night tonight. You’re right, I need more sleep anyway.”

“Okay, Kitkat. Have fun,” Janis says as she pushes her wife towards the en-suite. “I’ll be here.”

Janis remembers she forgot to feed Elvira her own dinner when she comes to plop onto her lap.

“Sorry, Ellie, I forgot to feed you,” Janis chuckles as she scratches her ear. “Let’s go.”

Elvira trots off to the kitchen, Janis following quickly behind her. Ellie meows at her when they finally reach the fridge, stretching up to peek in as Janis opens it.

“Hold on, you get a new can tonight,” Janis says in response to Elvira’s questioning chirp. She heads to the closet to grab one, noticing the air mattress on the top shelf they had bought for a camping trip. “Hm.”

Janis scoops out some of her food into her bowl and puts the can in the fridge, then grabs the air mattress from the shelf along with the pump for it.

“God, why is this thing so loud? Some of us have mattresses to blow up in secret,” Janis hisses. Once it’s done, she realizes she probably should have done it outside as she tries to shove it through the door. She grabs some sheets from the closet and the blankets from their bed, making a lovely little nest on their balcony.

Cady comes out of the shower as she’s fluffing the pillows, calling for her as she brushes her hair out.

“Jay? Are you okay? I heard noises,” she says as she comes out wrapped in her bathrobe. “What happened to our bed?”

“I’m fine, put on something warm and come here,” Janis calls from the other room.

“Okay,” Cady says nervously. “What are you up to?”

“God, you set a bunch of chickens loose in a school one time and suddenly you can’t surprise anyone anymore,” Janis jokes. “Just come here, you’re gonna like it.”

“I like your surprises, but you can be a little extra sometimes,” Cady teases. “Oh my god.”

“You like it?” Janis says. “We haven’t been able to do this for a whi-ack!” She grunts slightly as Cady leaps into her embrace, smooching all over her face.

“I love it, and I love you,” Cady says. “So much.”

“I love you more,” Janis teases as she carries her outside.

“No, I love you more,” Cady responds as she’s laid down gently. “I love you most.”

“Mm, you can’t win this fight, Peanut,” Janis hums, getting cut off as Cady pulls her down to kiss her hungrily.

“Then let me show you.”

————-

The next morning, Janis wakes up with Cady (very early) and makes a special breakfast with lots of fruit and protein. Cady eats happily but silently, once again giving a last proofread of all her materials.

Janis gives her a big hug and sweet kiss before she sends her out the door, Cady dressed in her fancy outfit, Janis’ shoes, and with her pockets full of stim toys.

Janis has to pack quickly once she’s gone, carefully but hastily packing their suitcase and carry on bags based on a list she’s incredibly thankful she had the foresight to make.

In the late afternoon, Janis picks Damian up in their Uber to Cady’s school to surprise her. He puts his suitcase in the trunk along with what looks to be a poster.

He shakes with excitement as he climbs in next to her, and they both chat excitedly about their plans for France. Before they know it, they’re at Cady’s university and ready to surprise her.

“Aww, you made her a sign?” Janis asks as she finally hugs him.

“Yeah, duh,” Damian says, showing off his ‘Congrats Doctor Heron!’ poster. “And it’s reversible in case of disaster.” He flips it around and shows it says ‘Good job anyway!’ on the other side.

“She’ll love it,” Janis says as she starts bouncing anxiously. “She’ll be happy to see you, too, she doesn’t even know we’re here.”

“Aww. I’m excited to see her reaction, do you remember when you threw that picnic before we graduated high school? That was nothing compared to this and she was so fucking excited,” Damian says.

“Yeah. She’s so cute,” Janis says. Her phone starts ringing suddenly. “Oh, it’s her, this is it.”

Damian squeals as she picks up and switches to speakerphone.

“Jay, I did it!” Cady calls loudly through the speakers. “I did it! I got it, I’m a doctor!”

Janis and Damian both start jumping up at down at the same time. “Congratulations, baby! I’m so proud of you!” Janis says. Damian stays quiet but is visibly trying to hold back his own comments. They see her come bursting out the doors then, running down the steps. “Hey, look to your right. No, other right.”

Cady looks to see her wife and best friend waiting for her and bouncing to get her attention. She runs towards them, laughing happily. “What are you doing here?! Oh my god, you made a sign and everything!”

“This is your surprise!” Janis laughs as her wife jumps into her arms. She spins her around a few times before Cady reaches out for Damian, so he pulls her into another tight hug to congratulate her.

“My best friend is a doctor!” Damian calls loudly as he also spins her around before wrapping her up protectively.

“Why do you guys have suitcases?” Cady asks confusedly, slightly muffled as her face is squished against Damian.

“Because we’re going on a trip!” Janis answers. “I told you to think bigger yesterday, this is it! Our flight is in a few hours, we have to go to the airport.”

“A trip?” Cady squeals happily. “Where are we going?!”

“France,” Janis tries to answer, barely getting the word out before she’s cut off by the most adorable squeal she’s ever heard and her wife leaping into her arms again. “Are you excited?”

“Yes! Of course I’m excited, oh my god!” Cady shrieks. “This is the best day ever!”

“Good! I packed a comfy outfit in your carry on, you can change at the airport,” Janis laughs happily as Cady kisses her over and over.

“Okay, come on! Let’s go, let’s go let’s go! I wanna go to France!” Cady calls, lugging them both towards the parking lot.

Janis and Damian both laugh as they’re dragged away. “Peanut, slow down, we have time.”

“Oh. Oops,” Cady says sheepishly. “But come on, I’m excited, let’s go!”

“We can tell, Cads, just slow down,” Damian pants. “Be excited at a reasonable speed.”

Cady’s bouncing now that they’ve stopped walking, having to get her excitement out somehow. “Janis, carry me, I can’t slow down.”

“Okay, come here,” Janis laughs, carrying Cady piggyback to their next Uber.

————-

Cady heads into the bathroom once they’ve passed security to change out of her formal outfit, but she leaves the necklace on and has the stim toy Janis made for her in her hand. She’s trying to gently stuff her poster in her bag as she walks back. She insisted on keeping it, even though Damian said she didn’t have to. Miraculously, she manages to make it fit without too much damage.

She tugs her carry on backpack back on as she approaches Janis and Damian again. “Where are we going in France?” She asks once they’re back together. Damian also looks at Janis curiously, she hasn’t told him either.

“Marseille, first. My family said we can stay with them for a few days, they have a huge house with tons of rooms. Then we’ll go to Paris and look around there,” Janis says. Cady gives yet another excited squeal and hugs her again. “Do you want Cinnabon’s? They’re right over there.”

“Oh, can we? I haven’t eaten since breakfast, I’m starving,” Cady says. She’s still bouncing and her hands are flapping happily, but she’s calmed down just a touch.

“How-wha-how do you have that much energy on just breakfast?” Damian asks with something akin to awe.

“I’m excited!” Cady almost yells, prompting several glares from those around them. She shrinks into herself slightly in embarrassment. “Oops.”

Damian chuckles. “Let’s go, my treat.” Cady perks up a bit and tugs her wife after them. She happily scarfs down her cinnamon roll and chatters excitedly about France.

They head to their gate to wait for their flight for a while, when Cady suddenly realizes something and scrambles for her phone. “I forgot to tell my parents! What time is it?”

“Almost exactly six,” Janis says. “So five for them.”

“Okay, they should both be home by now,” Cady says with relief. She dials her dad’s number, and he picks up on the first ring. “Hi Dad! Is Mom with you?”

“Hi Cady, she’s in the other room. What’s up?” Her dad replies.

“Get Mom, I wanna tell you together,” Cady insists.

“Okay,” her dad says, slightly confused. “Honey, it’s Cady, she says she has something to tell us.”

“Hello Cady,” her mom calls loudly through the speaker. “How are you, dear?”

“I’m good Mom! How are you?” Cady chuckles. For tech savvy people, they never quite got the hang of speakerphone.

“Good, hon. What’s this news you have?” Her mom replies.

“I got my PhD today! I’m officially a doctor!” Cady says, and quickly has to block the phone speaker with her arm to muffle the volume of their cheers and congratulations. Once it stops vibrating quite so much, she pulls it back to continue talking. “Thanks! Oh, and I won’t be able to call you for a little while. Janis surprised me with a trip to France, we’re going to see her family. And Paris.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely,” her mom sighs. “Take lots of photos for us.”

“I will. I love you guys, bye!” Cady calls, and hangs up before either of them can get off on a tangent and keep her there for an hour. “There.”

“Everything handled?” Damian jokes.

“Yep. Oh, that reminds me, Janis, can you... give me a rundown of your family again? I haven’t quite gotten everyone down,” Cady says shyly. To be fair, Janis has a lot of relatives and their names sound quite similar in a lot of cases.

“Yeah,” Janis chuckles. She knows Damian probably needs a refresher too, the last time he got to come visit everyone was in high school. “My homophobic great-grandma finally died when I was in college so we don’t have to worry about her anymore.”

“Jay! Be nice,” Cady scolds. She’d heard bad stories about the woman, but speaking ill of the dead still doesn’t sit right with her.

“I’m just saying. Anyway, Nana Annette is her daughter, my grandma. She’s, like, eighty-five, but she’s chill. She might say some offensive stuff because she’s either senile or just old, but she means well most of the time. Her husband died when I was a baby, I barely remember him, so hopefully he won’t be around. Then there’s the aunts and uncles.”

Cady pulls out her phone to take notes, this is where things get dicey.

“Jean-Luc is the oldest, he’s the funny one. His wife is Béatrice, she’s... tense, but nice. The next one is Charlotte, she’s the single one who I’m convinced is a closet lesbian, you remember? She’s hella rich and just shows up sometimes with presents. Anyway. Next is Gabrielle, and her husband Charles, he’s the English guy. My dad was next, then Phillipe is the youngest, and his wife is Jeanne.”

Cady blinks, already terrified. “And your cousins?”

“They’ll understand if you don’t remember them all, don’t worry,” Janis chuckles. “Jean-Luc and Béatrice have Josephine and Jacques, they’re twins. Then they had Annalise, and then Luca, they named him after my dad. Gabrielle and Charles have Bella, Celeste, and Clara, Celeste is a bitch but the other two are nice. Jeanne and Phillipe have Emile and Sylvie.”

“Jesus Christ,” Cady groans, trying to keep everyone under wraps.

“Some of my cousins have babies too now, do you want their names?” Janis teases. “Don’t worry about it, guys. They’ll understand and I’ll make sure you learn everyone’s names. And we probably won’t see all of them, either.”

“Oh, babies? Yay,” Cady says. “I might as well learn them too.”

“Yeah, there’s a few that are still actual babies. Josephine and her husband just had Hugo a few months ago, and then she has Anabelle and Charlise, they’re like... four,” Janis says. “And then Bella has Benjamin, he’s a year old or so.”

“Aww. Okay. I’ll have to study on the plane,” Cady says, sending her list to Damian and shutting her phone off.

“Little Slice, no, I’ll study for us and fill you in,” Damian says. “You’ve studied too much in your life. Doctor.”

Cady smiles at the reminder of her new title. “Fine. Oh, is that us?”

Janis listens to the voice ringing out over the PA system. “Yeah. They’re not boarding us quite yet, but we should be ready.”

“Oh, yay!” Cady says happily.

—————

Once they finally board, Cady begs to have the window seat. Janis and Damian are both afraid of heights and let her have it willingly.

Cady wiggles happily as the light comes on to fasten their belts, looking happily out the window as they prepare to take off. Janis pops some gum in her mouth, and offers a piece to both her travel buddies. Cady takes hers and then takes Janis’ hand, squeezing it to comfort her. Janis squeezes back thankfully.

Cady offers her one ear of the headphones she has so they can watch a movie together. Janis takes it and rests her head on Cady’s shoulder, flipping up the arm rest and cuddling into her wife. Damian flips up his own and lies down over both of them, his head ending up in Cady’s lap as he does his own thing on his phone. Cady just laughs and plays with his curly hair.

After three movies, Cady falls asleep with her head on Janis’ shoulder. They’re about four and a half hours into their seven hour flight, and it is now around Cady’s bedtime. Janis finds Damian also asleep on their legs, and decides to let him stay even though hers are going a bit numb.

She turns her head slightly to kiss Cady’s hair, thinking about the events of the day. Twenty-four hours ago she had fallen asleep on an air mattress on their balcony after a wild night, held securely in the arms of her favorite redhead. Now, she’s several thousand feet in the air, cuddled up with two of her favorite people on their way to another country. Life is a hell of a thing.

—————

Janis is startled awake by the announcement that they’re about to land, and wakes Damian and Cady so they can fasten their seatbelts again. It’s about two in the morning according to their body clocks, so they all blink groggily and rub at their eyes.

“Janis?” Cady asks suddenly as they start to descend.

“Hmm?” Janis hums exhaustedly.

“Who’s watching Elvira?”

“Aaron,” Janis yawns. “He just wants chocolate as payment.”

“Mmkay,” Cady hums. The plane finally touches down and she gives an exhausted “Yay.”

Janis chuckles. “Come on, my cousin is picking us up and then we can sleep in a real bed for a while.”

“Which one?” Damian yawns.

“Annalise,” Janis replies. “She’s a morning person, she’s the only one they trusted to come get us.”

They trudge through baggage claim and out of the airport, down a long line of cars waiting to pick people up. Suddenly, a clear “Janis!” rings out with a brisk French accent.

Janis greets her cousin, who laughs at their exhausted faces. “Bonjour, Anna.”

They have a quick catch up in French as they load all their bags into the car, and Damian’s eyes suddenly go wide.

“What happened?” Cady asks in concern.

“Nothing,” Damian says hastily. “I... forgot they’d actually speak, like, French here. I thought I was just too tired to understand them for a second.”

They both laugh as they climb in, Cady squished in the middle since she’s the smallest. She’s not complaining, this way her head will land on someone’s shoulder when she inevitably falls asleep again.

—————

She wakes up several hours later in a soft bed in a room she doesn’t recognize, spooning Janis. She checks the adjusted time on her phone and finds it to be about one in the afternoon, which isn’t terrible. They have a few hours left in the day to get things settled.

She leans down to kiss behind Janis’ ear as lightly as she can, murmuring a quiet “J’taime tellement,” into her ear before cuddling back into her wife. Apparently she wasn’t quite gentle enough, because Janis stirs and turns to face her with a grin.

“J’taime aussi, mon papillon,” Janis hums as she leans in for a kiss. “How did you sleep?”

“Pretty well, I don’t even remember getting here,” Cady replies.

“I carried you in, you looked exhausted,” Janis says. “What time is it?”

“Just after one,” Cady says as she strokes through Janis’ short hair. “I still love this haircut.”

“I can tell,” Janis chuckles as she cuddles in closer. “You don’t miss the blonde, though?”

“I do,” Cady hums thoughtfully. “But this length is so satisfying to play with. And your shave is in an easier place to reach now.”

Janis had continued sporting the side shave, and stretched it to an undercut at the back of her head as well when she cut the blonde off. Cady loves running her fingers over the buzzed areas, and Janis certainly doesn’t complain.

“Guess I’ll keep it like this then. Should we go get Damian?” Janis says as she leans in for another sweet kiss. “Can’t let him sleep too much longer.”

“Yeah. Are we doing anything today?” Cady asks as she follows Janis out of bed.

“I don’t really have anything planned from this point, I just figured we’d walk around and if you find something you want to do, we’ll do it. But maybe we should start tomorrow,” Janis replies. “Nana’s definitely gonna throw some family reunion type thing tonight and make a shit ton of food, we should save our energy for that.”

“Aww. That sounds fun,” Cady says. “But also tiring, you’re right.”

“They are usually pretty fun,” Janis hums. “And Charlotte is coming, she tells good stories, you’ll like those.”

“Is she the one who told that story about the time you fell into that lake and came back to a picnic totally drenched and told me to watch you around water at our wedding?” Cady asks.

“Yeah,” Janis mumbles sheepishly. “I can show you that lake, if you want. It’s nearby.”

Cady nods excitedly. “Of course. Oh, and hey, guess what?”

Janis turns from the door she’s approaching to leave their little room. “What?”

“I love you,” Cady says, pulling her down for a kiss. Janis has to fight a squeal.

“I love you too,” she replies after a second. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Cady whispers against her lips. “I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you too. I want this trip to celebrate all of us. Not just me and Damian. You deserve this too.”

“Okay,” Janis whispers back. “Thanks.”

Cady chuckles. “You promise you’ll tell me if you see something you want to do, too?”

Janis kisses her soundly one more time. “I promise.”

“Good. Let’s go get D,” Cady says with a final peck.

“Okay.”

—————

“Damian!” Janis calls as she leaps onto his bed.

“Cheese and crackers!” Damian yelps, throwing himself to the ground. “Janis!”

“Jay, I swear to god,” Cady groans from the doorway. “That is not what I meant by ‘wake him up’.”

“It worked though,” Janis says as she helps him up. “Morning!”

Damian glares at her. “Hello, Jan. Is it actually morning?”

“No, it’s almost two in the afternoon,” Cady replies. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Damian says as he brushes himself off.

“Good. Janis says there’s gonna be some sort of big dinner thing, can you help me study everyone?” Cady asks.

“Yeah,” Damian answers.

“Oh, hold on a second,” Janis says, running from the room. She returns with a framed photo of her whole family from a few years ago. “Here. It’s old, but everyone looks pretty much the same.”

Janis sits in between them and points everyone out so they can match names to faces. Cady looks a bit overwhelmed, but eventually can point everyone out.

“I’m gonna go shower, if you stay here nobody will bother you guys,” she says once her part is done. “Have fun.”

By the time Janis is put together enough for a family gathering, Cady and Damian know all her relatives by name and how they relate to one another. Janis is kind of touched that they both put so much effort into learning everyone in her family.

She hadn’t quite been expecting every member of her family to show up, but they all make an appearance at some point. Cady isn’t big on crowds and Damian hasn’t spoken French since high school, so they both stick around her throughout the meal.

Her aunt Charlotte shows up fashionably late as always, with gifts for the three of them. She greets Janis with a hug and hands her a set of incredibly expensive oil paints, and then looks around for Cady.

“Where is the doctor one?” She asks in fluent but heavily accented English. Cady peeks up from where she’s crowded by all of the younger cousins, coming over to say hello.

“Bonjour,” she says shyly. Charlotte greets her and hands over her gift, which looks to be a tasteful diamond bracelet. Cady frantically leans in to whisper to Janis. “I can’t take this, this had to have cost at least a thousand euro.”

Charlotte, evidently, hears her whispers and laughs. “Nonsense, Cady darling. You are smarter than anyone here, you deserve my money even more than my dear Janis. I am glad she is spoiling you.”

Cady blinks a few times, before begrudgingly accepting her beautiful gift. “Thank you, it really is beautiful.”

“But of course. Now where is darling Damian?” Charlotte responds. Damian comes over from the kitchen to say hello as well, and gets a very soft cashmere sweater.

Janis struggles to guide her wife and friend through a family dinner, and Cady collapses on their bed by the time they’re excused.

“Did your dad actually punch your great-aunt in the stomach?” She asks with a slight chuckle. “Just, like, no warning, full force?”

“I’ve heard that story from a minimum of five relatives, so I think it’s probably true,” Janis responds. “But he was only about five. And I think the stories explain a lot.”

“Do you miss him?” Cady asks quietly. “Your dad?”

“Yeah,” Janis says. “But I don’t think I miss him in the same way you miss your brother. Like, I wish I had gotten to know my dad, and I wish I had grown up with a decent father figure. But I didn’t really get to know him well enough to miss him as a person.”

Cady hums empathetically. “From what I’ve heard, you’re a lot like him anyway. But I wish those things too.”

“Thanks,” Janis mumbles. “I’ll take you around town tomorrow, we can see all the places from the stories.”

“Okay,” Cady grins. “J’taime.”

Janis smiles back as she cuddles into her wife. “J’taime aussi. Bonsoir.”

————-

The next morning, they both wake around eleven, starting to adjust to the time difference. Janis takes both Cady and Damian on a walk around the nearby area.

Cady laughs happily as Janis explains stories and where they happened, pointing out the shop where her mother met her father, the lake she had fallen into as a child, the tree her aunt had carved every family member’s initials into.

Cady stays behind for just a second at the shop, brushing a hand over the wall to thank it for sparking the events that gave her her beloved. She can almost feel the history inside.

For the time of year, it’s a remarkably cool day, and once they’ve stopped for a quick break Cady and Damian both ask to keep going. They go a bit farther than they had anticipated, into a larger area of the city.

Damian wanders off for a second, having spotted a sign on a building nearby. “Cads, come here, you read French better than me.”

Cady approaches, leaving Janis behind for a moment to join him. “Swim with... I don’t remember this word.”

“Dolphins,” Janis says suddenly from behind them, making them both jump.

“Swim with dolphins?” Cady asks. “Oh, that sounds fun! Can we, Jayjay? Pleeeeease please please?”

“Of course, Butterfly,” Janis says with a grin. “I’ll see what they have for tomorrow.”

“Oh, yay!” Cady squeals, hugging Janis tightly. Damian just cocks an eyebrow at them and joins the hug.

—————

Janis has to pin Cady to the bed to get her to sleep that night. But somehow by morning, their positions are reversed. Janis wakes up to her wife happily straddling her back, drumming her hands against her cheeks to wake her up.

“Caddy. What are you doing?” Janis groans sleepily.

“It’s dolphin day! I’m waking you up,” Cady responds far too brightly for eight in the morning. Janis grabs and pulls her back to cuddle.

“Go back to sleep,” Janis grumbles. “G’night.”

“Fine,” Cady chuckles. She should’ve known better, Janis never would’ve woken up this early anyway. She’s too excited to go back to sleep herself, so she rolls onto her side and watches Janis sleep. It’s rare that she’s awake when Janis isn’t, so she tries to memorize the way Janis looks while she sleeps whenever she gets the chance.

Janis finally stirs about two hours later, smiling as she sees her wife looking at her. She kisses her gently before she stretches. “Did you go back to sleep?”

“No,” Cady says. “I’m too excited.”

“You’re too cute,” Janis says, voice still rough with sleep. “It’s not ‘til three, babe.”

“Ugh,” Cady groans. She rolls on top of Janis again, straddling her front this time. She leans down to squish her face against Janis’ neck. Janis feels more than hears the words, “I wanna see them. Dolphins are so cute.”

Damian comes in then to get them up for breakfast. “Y’all-whoa! Okay bye.”

“Dame, come back! We’re not doing anything,” Janis calls. “I’m not that stupid.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” Damian grumbles. “Breakfast is ready, your grandma made crepes.”

“Ooh!” Cady squeals, flying out of bed to get ready. Janis follows quickly, pushing Damian out the door so they can get dressed.

Cady eats more happily this time, now that she’s not surrounded by quite so many people. But now Janis has to keep her occupied until they get to go to the dolphins.

Cady is chattering excitedly, and poor Damian still looks exhausted. Janis knows he’s excited too, dolphins are his favorite animal, but he’s very much not a morning person. Janis isn’t quite awake herself. Time for some drastic measures.

“Peanut, do you want to look at some old pictures? I know Nana has some around here somewhere,” she says, griping internally.

“Like baby pictures?” Cady says excitedly. “Lemme at ‘em.”

“Stay here. I’ll be back,” Janis grumbles. She returns a few minutes later with a photo album. “This is from just before we moved to America, I think.”

Cady makes grabby hands for the book and flips excitedly to the first page. Damian perks up a little and sits on her other side. Cady coos when baby Janis makes an appearance.

“Your little cheeks! Oh my god,” Cady squeals.

“Have you not seen any old pictures of Janis before?” Damian asks in confusion.

“Not this little, the only ones she’s let me see are from five and up,” Cady says as she turns to the next page. This one features baby Janis chewing on one of her feet. “Oh my god, look at you.”

“I’ve seen them, Cads, I’m good,” Janis chuckles. Cady flips the page again to one of her dad holding her.

“Is this your dad?” Cady asks quietly. Janis nods with a grin.

“Yeah,” she says. Cady looks back and forth between the photo and her wife.

“You look like him,” Cady says after a moment. “Dame, look at their jawlines. And-oh, Jay, smile. See? Exactly the same.”

“Shit, yeah,” Damian says, looking back and forth. “And the... is it their noses?”

“Yes! That’s what it is,” Cady says. Janis is confused, but happy that there’s such a strong resemblance. “My god, you were so cute!”

“Were?” Janis jokes.

“Oh, shush. You’re always on my case for calling you cute,” Cady says, gently flicking her ear.

“Yeah, yeah. I need to go shower, y’all can keep looking if you want,” Janis says, gesturing to Damian behind Cady’s back to keep her busy. He nods.

—————

By the time they’re outside the dolphin place, Cady and Damian are holding hands and bouncing up and down in excitement.

“Come on, dorks, let’s see some dolphins,” Janis says as she leads them into the massive building. It spans the area of several blocks, and a vast majority of it are large tanks and pools.

A lady welcomes them at the main desk and introduces herself as Bernadette, handing over their life jackets and taking them on a short tour. Upon seeing the slight confusion on Damian’s face, she switches to English and explains how they take care of the dolphins.

Cady looks relieved when she explains that the only dolphins here are ones that wouldn’t survive in the wild, and that they do rescues to help injured ones to eventually release back into the ocean. The tanks are absolutely massive with plenty of room to swim, and the water is kept at the perfect temperature.

Finally, they’re lead outside to one of the massive pools, and Cady gives a quiet squeal when she sees the dolphins swimming around happily. Damian follows Bernadette into the water first, yelping at the cold temperature.

“Ooh, it’s cold!” Cady squeals, walking around on her tippy toes until she gets used to it. The three dolphins suddenly swim over, sort of circling around her curiously. “Oh, hello.”

Janis follows after Cady, but the dolphins won’t leave her wife to greet anyone else.

“They seem to like you,” Bernadette chuckles. She swims over to introduce them. “This is Poséidon, and Daphné, and this here is Corail.”

She gives a command and one by one, the dolphins pop up on their tails and wave to them. Cady squeals when she gets splashed as they go back down, but claps for them at their impressive trick.

Bernadette guides them over to Damian with a bit of effort, and gives another command for Corail to pop up and kiss his cheek. He gasps in surprise since the command was in French, but chuckles at the sensation. “Aww! Bonjour, Corail!”

“Is that the first girl you’ve kissed, D?” Janis jokes.

“Actually, yeah,” Damian says. “Except you.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, what?” Cady insists. “When did that happen?”

“We were like, eleven, and trying to work out if we were actually gay so we kissed one time,” Janis explains quietly. “And we agreed not to talk about it again, Damian.”

Cady is laughing so hard she’s only held up by the life jacket, forgetting to tread water to keep herself afloat. “That’s so cute. Oh, bonjour!” She says when the dolphins return to her side.

“You may pet them if you like,” Bernadette says, pretending she didn’t hear the story. “All of you can.”

Cady happily reaches out to brush a hand over their smooth backs, in awe at the sensation. “Ooh! They’re so smooth! That’s so cool. Guys, come feel them!”

Janis and Damian swim over to pet them too, and Janis yelps a little when she first makes contact. “Oh, that’s weird!”

“They’re so cute,” Damian coos. “It’s a really nice feeling.”

“Their skin regenerates almost every two hours to help maintain the texture,” Bernadette explains. “Much faster than humans, to say the least.”

“They feel like wet rubber,” Janis says. “They are cute though.”

“Many people say that, that is a good way to describe it,” Bernadette laughs. She gives another command and Poséidon pops up and kisses Janis on the cheek. Janis yelps slightly and jumps back, but swims close again when Cady reaches for her. “Oh, I should have warned you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Janis chuckles. “Bonjour, Poséidon.”

He pops up again, seemingly waiting for something. Bernadette laughs. “He wants you to kiss him back.”

“Little man-whore,” Janis grumbles, but leans in to smooch his beak. Cady leans in on the other side too, prompting an excited chirp as he swims a happy lap around the pool.

Corail and Daphné seem jealous and also pop up for kisses from Cady, who obliges with a delighted laugh. They chirp happily and kiss Cady’s cheek in return.

“Aww, you have competition, Jay,” Cady coos.

“You’re gonna leave me for a fish?” Janis calls.

Cady gasps indignantly. “They are mammals.”

“Whatever, they live in water and don’t have legs, they’re close enough. You’re gonna leave me for a water-dwelling mammal?” Janis pouts.

“Of course not,” Cady says. “Come back, they’re sorry.”

Janis swims her way back over for a kiss from her wife. “You taste like dolphin.”

Cady laughs. “So do you, fish face. What happens now?”

“They can tow you around the pool by their fins, if you’re interested,” Bernadette offers.

“Does it hurt them?” Cady asks worriedly.

“Not at all, they actually seem to rather enjoy it,” Bernadette responds. “You only add a touch more pressure to the fin, if you don’t grab it too hard.”

“Oh. Yeah, that sounds fun!” Cady cheers. Bernadette shows them all how to gently hold the fins, each of them getting their own dolphin. Damian gets Poséidon, Cady gets Corail, and Janis gets Daphné. Once they’re all securely but carefully holding on, Bernadette gives a cue and the three of them set off. They go slower than Janis had thought they would, but she’s grateful that she’s not getting splashed or lugged underwater.

“Ooh. This is nice,” Damian says, cuddling into Poséidon a little closer. “Relaxing.”

Janis paid a fair sum for this experience, but she thinks it’s worth it for the tow. It is quite relaxing, and Cady is laughing brightly the whole way.

“That was so fun!” Cady calls when they’re done.

“I’m glad! If you would bid the dolphins a quick adieu, we can now move on to the shore activities,” Bernadette replies. She leads them out of the tank and offers them each a towel, and they return their life jackets as they dry off.

Once they’re not dripping anymore they follow Bernadette inside to a kitchen area, and are immediately confronted with the smell of fish. Damian has to tap out and waits for the girls outside. Bernadette greets and has a quick chat with her co-worker in French before grabbing a couple buckets of prepared fish and heading back out of the room.

“My apologies for the smell, but you get used to it after a while,” Bernadette says to Damian. He nods shakily and follows them back to the dolphins. They all rush up when they spy the buckets, almost begging like little dogs for a treat.

“Aww,” Cady coos. “Water puppies.”

Janis links their fingers together and leads them to the edge. Bernadette explains that she’ll have them do tricks, and then if they want to, the three of them will get to feed them the fish as a reward. Damian sits far away from the smelly buckets, opting to just watch.

Bernadette gives the first command and the three of them all hop up and wave their fins, and they wave back happily. Cady and Janis toss each of them a few of the small fish. She gives another cue and they turn away, facing lengthwise down. They pick some speed up and suddenly leap into the air, diving a couple times.

“Holy shit!” Janis yelps at the height they can get. “That’s impressive.” Cady and Janis toss them more fish.

Bernadette continues giving cues, prompting the dolphins to dance, come up for pets, shake hands, give more kisses, and even hop up next to them on the shore for a split second. Cady even gets to play fetch with Poséidon for a while with a small ball.

Once they’re down to about a quarter of the last bucket of fish, Bernadette stops giving the dolphins commands. They swim around the area contently, calming down after the exercise.

“Now, I understand you are an artist, Janis?” Bernadette asks, heading to a nearby cart.

“Um... yeah,” Janis says anxiously. “Kind of.”

“Nonsense,” Bernadette chuckles. “Your wife tells me you are very good.”

Janis looks at Cady in confusion. “Does she?”

“You are! You teach art to kids, for the love of god,” Cady says. “Just wait, this is awesome. You’re gonna love it.”

Bernadette chuckles and heads to a nearby cart of supplies, returning with several pieces of paper, brushes, and a few colors of non-toxic paint.

“Our friends here enjoy art as well, you all get to help them create their next masterpiece,” Bernadette says. Janis looks very excited. She got to paint with elephants in Kenya, so she’s excited to do art with another animal.

Bernadette places the brushes into a sort of hoop shaped thing, and instructs them to pick what colors they want for the paintings. Janis picks purple, blue, and grey; Cady picks yellow, pink, and green; and Damian picks black, pink, and orange.

The colors are squeezed into pallets, and they dip the brushes into the paint. Then, the hoop attachments are slipped gently over the beak of the dolphins, and they’re instructed to hold the canvas over the dolphins’ heads. All three wag the brushes back and forth, making bright streaks on the canvas.

The process is continued until all three colors are used up and the canvases are mostly covered, then they turn to see the beautiful works of art the creatures have made for them. It’s rather abstract, obviously, but they are very beautiful.

Unfortunately they now have to say goodbye to the dolphins. They kiss and pet each one before they have to go, waving goodbye sadly. Janis buys all of the photos taken of their experience, and also buys each of them a commemorative shirt and a stuffed dolphin from the gift shop.

Cady and Damian are both still shaking with adrenaline as they head home, chatting excitedly about their favorite parts. Once they get there, though, they start to crash. Cady’s almost totally asleep by the time they make it through the door.

Janis carries her up the stairs, Damian following closely behind them. He slugs his way to his own room, all of them deciding to take a nap before dinner. Janis has to wake Cady to get her out of her swimsuit, and Cady just tugs on Janis’ dolphin t-shirt and flops into bed, crawling under the covers and cuddling her stuffed dolphin.

Janis changes into other comfortable clothes since her shirt was stolen and crawls in after her, spooning her wife gently. She’s not quite tired enough to sleep, so she contents herself with holding her girl and remembering all the fun they had.

——————

A few days later, they head to Paris. Janis’ grandmother threw yet another dinner for them to celebrate, and insisted they come back for another visit soon. Cady promises they will, and Janis agrees.

Janis’ cousin takes them to the train station to see them off that afternoon. It’s about a six hour trip, so they’ll be at their hotel at around seven in the evening. Cady looks out the window the whole way, and Damian looks a bit green. He’s never been great with motion.

“So what do you want to see in Paris, Bluejay?” Cady asks, munching happily on the croissant she had gotten off the cart.

“The Louvre,” Janis replies instantly. “More than anything. And the Eiffel tower, I guess.”

“Oh, I would love to go to the Louvre,” Cady says happily. She’s interested in the art there, of course, but she loves seeing Janis in her element. “I’m excited to eat.”

“You’ll get plenty of opportunities,” Janis chuckles. “What about you, what do you want to see, Peanut?”

“I want to see the historical stuff. Like the Palace of Versailles and the Arc de Triomphe and stuff,” Cady replies. “Dame? You okay?”

“Mmhmm,” Damian hums. He’s looking better now that he’s eaten. “I just want to go to Disneyland.” Cady suddenly looks very excited.

“I forgot about Disneyland! That would be so fun,” she squeals. They’ve managed to get Cady caught up on Disney movies and shows, but haven’t had a chance to take her to any of the parks yet. Now they have to go.

Finally, a lady’s voice announces their stop, so they all hop up and grab their bags. Once they’re above ground again, Janis barely manages to get them a cab to their hotel. Cady gets stuck in the middle again, but keeps leaning over them so she can see out the windows.

“It’s so pretty,” she sighs happily. She spins around as they’re dropped outside their hotel, staring up at the sky. It is rather beautiful, with the city bathed in the light from the setting sun.

Janis leads them in and checks them in to their rooms. She’d booked Damian one on a different floor, for his own sake. They are in the city of love, after all. Janis plans to make full use of it.

Cady enters the room first, immediately rushing over to the window. “Jay, come here.”

Janis comes up behind her, kissing her cheek and hugging her from behind. “It’s beautiful. That’s the top of the Eiffel tower over there.”

Cady turns in her embrace. “It is beautiful. But not as beautiful as you.” She giggles as Janis blushes. “I love you so much. Thank you for bringing us here.”

“I love you too, Butterfly. I’m glad I could. What did you think of Marseille?” Janis asks, pulling Cady next to her on the large bed.

“It was beautiful,” Cady replies. “And your family is... so lovely. I loved hearing all the stories and seeing the places that are important to your family. It was wonderful.”

“Good,” Janis grins as Cady leans up to kiss her. “Should we get D and find somewhere for dinner?”

“Oh, yes! Can we walk? It’s so nice out,” Cady replies, dragging Janis up by the hand and towards the door.

“We should change first, but sure, baby,” Janis says. “Come on.” They put on fancier clothes and Janis switches their positions, running down the long hallway towards the elevator and hauling her laughing wife behind her. The doors close behind them as they both try to catch their breath. Janis brushes her hands through Cady’s curls to smooth them back down. “Have you ever had escargot?”

Cady pulls a slightly concerned face. “No. Those are snails, right?”

“Yeah. They’re not bad, though, I think you’ll like them,” Janis replies. The doors open when they reach Damian’s floor. Janis leads them to his door and knocks. “D, we’re gonna go get dinner, do you want to come?”

He answers the door already wearing the hotel robe and with a sheet mask on. “Can I have a second?”

Both girls laugh and nod. Janis sighs when the door closes again. “We’ve been here for ten minutes.”

“It’s Damian,” Cady giggles in reply. “And skincare is important.” Damian comes back fully dressed and sans mask. Cady grabs his hand as well and leads them both back to the elevator.

Janis finds a restaurant within walking distance that has very highly rated escargot. She knows Damian hasn’t had it either, and wants to know what they’ll think of it.

They get to the place right as dinner service is beginning, and are led over to a table.

“They’re all so close together,” Cady says, having to wiggle her way in.

“They have a lot of people to fit in,” Janis replies. “Just how it happens here.”

“I’m glad we changed. Everyone here is so fancy,” Damian mumbles.

They continue making light conversation as they wait for the food Janis ordered to arrive. Finally it arrives, and Cady and Damian look more than a little concerned.

Janis pops some of the snails out of their shells, eating one herself and offering the others to Damian and Cady. They take them, looking to each other for confidence and eating them.

“Oh!” Cady says. “Thats way better than I thought, that’s so good! Way better than snake meat.”

“I told you,” Janis laughs.

“It’s like ravioli,” Damian says as he reaches for another. “But... snails.”

“Yeah, that’s a good way to put it,” Cady giggles. “How do you get them out?” Janis shows her how to use the fork to pop them out, and Cady follows suit once she knows how.

Many hours later, Cady cuddles up to Janis in bed, finally ready for sleep. “How long are we here, Jay?”

“We’re in Paris for a week,” Janis replies.

“A week?!” Cady says in shock.

“I wanted to make sure we had time to see everything you both wanted to,” Janis says. “And I have another surprise when we get home. But that’s kind of for both of us.”

“Jay, you’re spoiling me,” Cady whines. “Can I know the other surprise?”

“Nope,” Janis hums. “But I’ll tell you right once we’re back in America. And you deserve to be spoiled, Peanut. You’re a doctor, you’ve worked so hard.”

Cady grins at her. “Fine. Will you tell me what we’re doing tomorrow?”

“I don’t have anything planned,” Janis says. “What do you want to do?”

“The Louvre,” Cady replies with a smile. “I want you to tell me all about everything. I won’t even need a tour guide.”

Janis smiles back, leaning down for a kiss. “Sounds like a plan.”

Cady cuddles in close, nuzzling into her chest. “I love you, darling.”

“I love you too, Butterfly. Sweet dreams,” Janis replies, holding her closer.

————-

Janis wound up being the one with trouble sleeping that night, struggling to fall asleep and waking up early. She decides to return the favor Cady pulled on the dolphin day.

Cady, as always, is asleep on her belly, so Janis rolls to straddle her back at her waist and drums on her shoulders. Cady gives a sleepy groan and pops an eye open to look at her.

“Jay.” She grumbles crankily. “Wha’ you doin’.” Janis leans down to kiss her cheek and around her ear.

“Good morniiiiiing,” she hums. “It’s Louvre day, I’m waking you up!”

Cady groans into her pillow. “Go back ‘sleep.”

“No, I’m too excited!” Janis says. “Come on, don’t you at least want breakfast?”

“Wan’ sleep more,” Cady moans. She shifts and Janis falls off her with a yelp, thudding to the ground.

“Hmph. I see how it is,” Janis grumbles. “Fine, you can sleep in, cranky pants.”

“Thank youuuu,” Cady calls into her pillow, and is snoring gently again within minutes. Janis giggles and slides back into bed, stroking a curl away from Cady’s face and watching her sleep. She is actually too excited to go back to sleep, so she decides to make slightly better use of her time.

She heads to her carry on bag and pulls out the sketchbook and pencils she had brought along, before opening the window to sketch their view. She flips past the ones she did of Marseille to a blank page. The rooftops seem to stretch for miles, and she can just spy the top of the famous tower a ways away.

Cady groans sleepily behind her as she’s finishing shading in the skyline, rolling over onto her back and throwing her arms over her head. Janis decides she needs to work on sketching people more. She perches herself on top of the wardrobe and sketches her life, smiling lovingly at the little snuffling noises she makes every now and again.

“G’morning,” Cady groans as she finally wakes up, stretching and yawning before rubbing her eyes.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Janis chuckles, hopping down as Cady reaches for her. “How did you sleep?”

“Good, until someone sat on me,” Cady says, glaring at Janis.

“Just returning the favor,” Janis chuckles. “Let’s go get breakfast.”

“No way. You haven’t kissed or cuddled me yet, you’re not going anywhere,” Cady demands, pulling her back.

Janis laughs and cups her face, leaning in to press their lips together. “Can that hold you over until we eat?” Cady leans in for one more sweet kiss.

“I suppose.”

—————-

Janis takes Cady and Damian to a nearby bakery for some breakfast croissants. All of them eat outside, enjoying the way the whole street seems to smell like fresh bread and baking sweets.

Cady asks to walk again, wanting to see as much of the city as she can. Surprisingly, Damian agrees, even though he’s never been one for much physical activity. The Louvre isn’t particularly close by, but Janis also agrees to a walk. Saves having to pay for a cab.

“Shit,” Janis murmurs in awe when they finally reach their destination. “It’s big.”

“It says here it’s seventy-three thousand square meters,” Cady says, holding up her phone. “So yes, it is very big.”

“Very astute observation there, Janjan,” Damian teases. “Let’s go in, come on.”

“They have tours, should we do that?” Janis asks, pointing to a sign.

“We don’t need to,” Cady says, lacing their fingers together. “We have you.”

Once they’re past the impossibly long line to get in, Janis instantly heads off, hauling Cady and Damian behind her. She follows the signs to the area with the Mona Lisa first, knowing there’s going to be a large crowd for them to work through to see it up close.

“Wow,” Damian says when they make it in. There is a massive crowd in front of it, but they can still just barely see. Except Cady.

“Hang on,” Cady grumbles, grabbing their hands and somehow weaseling her way through all the people until they’re at the front. “There. Short people tricks.”

“Nice, babe,” Janis says, staring in awe at the famous painting in front of her. She rattles off all the facts about it she can remember from her years of study, before they move on to look at other things.

“Oh, that’s in Animal Crossing!” Cady says happily, pointing to a painting nearby. “What is this, lovey?”

Janis laughs at her excitement over finding the real versions of something from her favorite game. “That’s called The Summer. This guy did a few like that, with the faces made out of fruit and stuff.”

“It’s... nice,” Damian says confusedly. “Why did he do that?”

“Hell if I know. Most of the people who did these paintings were probably on some drug or another,” Janis says in reply. “Neat though.”

Janis leads them from area to area, explaining and listing facts about whatever Damian or Cady point to. It works well enough for all of them. They get to see all the famous works, Janis gets to see everything she wants, and Damian and Cady get explanations and extra facts from Janis.

“Wow,” Cady says when she spies the Vénus de Milo. She breaks away from them and wanders over to get a closer look. Janis follows her and leads Damian after them, since Cady is small and easy to lose.

“That’s the Vénus de Milo,” she hums in Cady’s ear. “She’s supposed to be one of the Greek goddesses.”

“Which one?” Damian asks.

"Nobody really knows,” Janis replies. “Most people think Aphrodite. Venus was her Roman counterpart, so that’s where the name came from.”

“Her dress is falling off,” Cady mumbles distractedly, making Damian and Janis laugh. “What happened to her arms?”

“Fell off,” Janis shrugs. “There’s a lot of theories about that too. They probably were just too heavy and broke away at some point. Some people think it was a shipwreck or something, I can’t remember specifically.”

“Hm. That’s interesting,” Cady says. “Oh, her foot is gone too.”

“Yeah, she’s lost a lot of stuff over the years. She had jewelry and stuff originally,” Janis replies. “Just lost to time one way or another.”

Cady leans back against her and turns her head to kiss at Janis’ jaw. “You’re so smart. I love you, art freak.”

Janis grins. “I love you too, math nerd.”

“Okay, time to move on! Chop chop,” Damian insists, wanting to get as far away from their sappiness as he can.

—————

“That was... really fun, Bluejay,” Cady yawns once they’re finally back in their hotel room, freshly showered and ready to sleep. “I love seeing you with art.”

“I’m glad you had fun,” Janis replies as her wife spoons her. “Go to sleep, Butterfly, we have to be up early tomorrow.”

“Why?” Cady yawns again.

“I’m not gonna tell you, or you’ll never sleep,” Janis says. “It’s nothing terribly exciting, but they open early. We should be there pretty soon after it does.”

“Oh. Mmkay. G’night, love.” Cady mumbles, seeming content with Janis’ surprises for once. Janis had toned it down slightly, they were going to Disneyland Paris tomorrow. She’d talked it over with Damian, and agreed that he got to pick what they do tomorrow.

“Goodnight, Princess,” Janis says, secretly giving a little hint.

——————-

She kisses Cady awake the next morning around eight. “Good morning, Butterfly.”

“Good morning,” Cady yawns. “Where are we going today?”

“I’ll tell you in a bit,” Janis replies. “I made sure we had cuddle time today.”

“Good,” Cady replies, pulling Janis down on top of her. “How did you sleep?”

“Good, actually,” Janis replies. “I think I’ve finally actually adjusted to the time shift. How did you sleep?”

“Good,” Cady says. “Nobody sat on me to wake me up today, I much prefer kisses.”

“Noted,” Janis chuckles. “For the record, so do I.” Cady gives a chuckle that says she already knows but has chosen to ignore that information.

“When do we get breakfast?” Cady asks after a long, peaceful moment.

“On the train,” Janis replies. “My cuddles not enough for you?”

Cady flicks her nose gently. “Yes, they are, but unfortunately I can’t live on cuddles alone. The train. That means somewhere pretty far away.”

Janis checks the time, it’s been about a half hour since they woke up. They should probably get ready now. She sits up, and rolls off of Cady so she isn’t thrown to the ground again.

“Dame and I decided we’re going to Disneyland today,” she says gently. As she expected, Cady flies out of bed with a delighted squeal and starts dancing around the room. Janis just watches her with a smile, until Cady leaps on her from above and kisses everywhere she can reach.

“Disneyland! Let’s go, come on, we have to get ready!” Cady calls, lugging Janis out of bed to shower and get dressed. She’s almost as excited as she was when she found out they were coming to France in the first place.

“Baby,” Janis says lovingly. “Breathe. You have an hour long train ride to get through first, we can’t have you leaping out the window when we’re going several hundred miles per hour.”

Cady comes back down to Earth a bit then. “Oh.”

“Come on, let’s get ready, Peanut,” Janis coaxes, turning the shower on.

Half an hour later, both ladies are showered and dressed in loose clothing and good shoes, before they head down to meet Damian. Cady leaps on him before he can even open the door all the way.

“We’re going to Disneyland!” She squeals when he yelps in surprise as a small redheaded rocket suddenly barrels into him.

“Good morning, Caddy,” he chuckles affectionately. Janis grabs her wife back, picking her up to carry her to the elevator.

“Come on, Peanut, let’s go,” she tuts lovingly as Cady clings to her with a delighted giggle. “Gonna have to get a leash for you.”

“Kinky,” Cady teases. “I’ll calm down.”

“No you won’t,” Janis retaliates. She doesn’t really want Cady to calm down, anyway. “I know you, wifey.”

“Fine, you’re right,” Cady agrees. “But I won’t run away. I need you guys to show me around anyway.”

“Happily,” Janis says as she finally sets her down.

—————-

Cady is already spinning around in awe when they’re finally outside the gates. Janis links their fingers together as she buys their tickets, and Damian grabs Cady’s other hand before Cady tugs them forward.

Janis buys their way into the park and squeezes Cady’s hand. “Where first, babe?”

“Oh, I don’t know! There’s so much,” Cady says happily. “Oh, can we get ears?”

“Sure,” Janis says. “Well, you can.”

“You don’t want ears?” Cady pouts. “They have a bunch.”

“Under no circumstances am I wearing Mickey ears,” Janis replies. “But you pick some, they’ll be cute on you.”

Ten minutes later, Janis is wearing ears. Cady has some on that look like Simba’s, Damian has a pair designed to look like Mulan’s costume, and Janis has been coaxed by her wife into a Maleficent themed pair. Cady takes a selfie of all of them with their ears, making kissy faces at the camera, and one with their normal smiles.

“Yay! Okay, I wanna see the castle,” Cady cheers as she puts her phone away.

“There’s a dragon too,” Janis says.

“A dragon?” Cady asks. “In the castle?”

“No, underneath,” Janis says. “This way, come on.”

Sure enough, the shortcut Janis takes leads them to a very large animatronic dragon deep in the belly of the castle.

“That’s so cool,” Cady says as she watches it move. “Look, you can see it breathe.”

“The wings move too,” Damian says, pointing to one. “And its feet.”

“Wow,” Cady says. “Can we go in the castle?”

“I think so,” Janis replies. “Line might be a bit long, but we can if you want.”

“It’s so pretty,” Cady sighs happily. “The waterfalls.”

Damian leads them inside and up to the second floor, where there’s a series of large and beautiful stained glass windows depicting the story of Sleeping Beauty. Cady leads them around to peer through each.

“Oh, it’s so beautiful up here,” Cady says. “But let’s go ride stuff, we can come back here later.”

“I wanna go on the Ratatouille ride,” Damian says quickly. Cady nods rapidly, and Janis is also intrigued, so Damian takes their hands and leads them that way. “It’s super cool, they’re not on a track. It’s all computers.”

Cady looks more than a little apprehensive at that. “And they don’t crash into each other?”

“No, they all have programmed routes, every car is different. Don’t worry,” Damian replies.

“Oh. That sounds fun,” Cady cheers. The lines are usually decorated with some sort of theme to match, and Cady looks around excitedly. Janis contents herself with watching her wife until they’re led onto the ride.

Janis has to admit that it is more fun than she had anticipated, it actually makes you feel like a little rat running around. But the best part is still Cady and Damian’s laughter throughout the whole thing.

“Where do you want to go, Jayjay?” Cady asks once they finish, still giggling slightly.

“Hyperspace Mountain,” Janis says immediately. “I don’t know if you guys would like it though, it goes pretty fast.”

“I’ll try it,” Cady says.

Damian says, “Hard pass,” at the same time. “You guys go, I’ll just look around.” He holds their ears and bags as they go to wait in line.

“Cads, are you sure you want to come? It’s a roller coaster, you didn’t like them last time,” Janis asks once they’re in line.

“That was almost ten years ago, love. Maybe I’ll like this one,” Cady says. “I’ll try anything once. And anything for you.”

Janis grins and leans in for a chaste kiss. “If you’re sure. I love you.”

“I love you more,” Cady retaliates.

“No, we’ve been through this!” Janis insists.

“And we’ve never reached a conclusion, so what’s your point?” Cady says with a chuckle. “This could continue until the end of time.”

Janis kind of hopes it does. They continue bickering until they’re fastened in. Cady goes quiet when she realizes where she is. She’s excited, but still nervous. She doesn’t have a great track record with roller coasters so far. Janis takes her hand and kisses her knuckles to help calm her down just before they shoot forward.

Cady’s hair is entirely poofed out by the time they get off, and she’s shaking slightly.

“Did you like it?” Janis asks as they head back to Damian.

“Uhhuh,” Cady says shakily.

“Are you lying?” Janis asks, knowing her wife.

“Uhhuh,” Cady says again. Janis laughs, but hugs her gently once they’re out of the way.

“You don’t have to come with me on anything else, it’s okay,” Janis chuckles as her wife clings to her. She seems better this time, she’s not shaking quite so hard and doesn’t look near tears. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Cady replies. “Just... maybe shouldn’t go on anything for a little while. I’m a little overwhelmed.”

“That’s fine, baby,” Janis says. “I’m hungry anyway, let’s find something to eat.”

“Oh, yay!” Cady cheers, always excited to eat. “Oh, Damian has something.”

“Hey guys!” Damian says as they finally reach him. “I found crepes.” He hands each of them a Nutella crepe he had gotten off a cart. “Nice hair, Cads.”

“Thanks,” Cady says, knowing she resembles a lion. She grabs her Lion King ears back to complete the look, before she ties her hair back in a ponytail to make it more manageable. “Ooh, this is good!”

“Yeah, for Disney it’s not bad,” Janis agrees around a mouthful. “Where d’you want to go now?”

“There’s a little Alice in Wonderland maze thingy over that way, it looks cute,” Damian says as he finishes his own snack. “And would be a good way to recover from the coaster.”

“Yes, please, let’s go there,” Cady says, already setting off. Janis and Damian hurry after her towards the maze.

They decide to split up and see who makes it out first. Cady winds up winning, jumping up and down as her wife and friend come out after her. “I win!”

“Nice, Cads. Must be some Kenya left in you,” Damian congratulates, ruffling her hair. “Where now?”

“There’s a pirate thing over that way, I can’t remember if it’s Peter Pan or Pirates of the Caribbean,” Janis replies. “That’s pretty chill.”

“Oh, that sounds nice,” Cady says. Janis leads them over to it and hugs Cady tight as they wait in line.

“Are you having fun?” She asks quietly as Damian sings along to the music playing.

“Yeah, I really am,” Cady grins. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” Janis says back. “I am. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Cady replies.

By the time the sun is starting to go down, they’ve gone on everything they wanted to, eaten almost every food offered around the premises, and taken pictures with just about every character they could find.

They have enough time to stay and watch the fireworks before they have to catch the train back. Cady has exerted all of her energy, so Damian and Janis switch off carrying her piggyback around as they finish doing what they want to.

Janis has her as they watch the fireworks, bundled cozily in the matching Mickey Mouse hoodies they had bought when Cady got cold. Cady squishes their cheeks together as they both look up, their Mickey ears clacking together gently.

“I love you so much, Janis,” Cady says quietly as the last firework pops off in the sky. If Cady wasn’t so close Janis wouldn’t have heard. “More than words can say.”

“I love you too, Cady. More than any language can say,” Janis replies. Cady nuzzles into her neck and drifts off to sleep, so Janis just adjusts her grip and chats with Damian as they head out towards the gates.

—————

A couple days later, they head out to see the Palace of Versailles. They’d taken a day to recover from Disneyland, just staying in their hotel and spending quiet time together.

Cady has read up on the history of the palace, and is rattling off facts about each area they visit. Janis is very interested in the beautiful murals on some of the walls and the gorgeous statues scattered about. Damian is more interested in hearing about the royals who built and used to live in the palace. Cady tells them about everything they want to know.

“What if we had a garden like this at home, Jay?” Cady asks as they stroll around the sprawling grounds. Damian had wandered off and got stuck on a tour, so they’re waiting for him to be released.

“We would be very tired trying to maintain it,” Janis responds. “It’s so big, I’m tired just looking at it.”

“True,” Cady giggles. “But I think if we were rich enough to have something this big we’d be able to pay someone else to take care of it. Just think of how much hide and seek we could play here. I’d never run out of hiding spots.”

Janis laughs. “That’s why you want such a massive place? Just to play hide and seek?”

“Why not? What else are you supposed to do with it?” Cady asks. “Just walking around it must get boring after a while.”

“I don’t know that it would, it’s so beautiful,” Janis hums. “You could take a different path every day.”

“You could paint a different part every day, too,” Cady says. “And it must look different in every season, you could do four for each part!”

“You want four paintings for each bit of this place?” Janis chuckles.

“I always want your paintings,” Cady says quietly. “They’re part of you.”

Janis is almost stunned silent. “Thanks, baby. That’s why I love everything you make.”

“Even that shitty plate I tried to make you?” Cady giggles.

“It works! It’s a plate,” Janis insists. “I can still use it. The lumps are good for holding salsa and stuff.”

“And you say you’re not cute,” Cady responds. “I wonder how much this has changed since people lived here. Like, someone from two or three hundred years ago could have walked this same path.”

“I don’t think it’s changed much,” Janis says. “Maybe we walked it before. Past life, or something.”

“Could be,” Cady hums pensively. “You think we were together in a past life?”

“I don’t see why we couldn’t have been,” Janis says. “I definitely feel like I’ve known you a lot longer than I actually have.”

“I feel that way too, I just thought it was a cheesy ‘our souls are connected’ thing,” Cady giggles. “Oh, there’s Damian. Poor thing, he looks so confused.”

“I don’t think that tour he got stuck on was in English,” Janis laughs as they wave him over. “I told him he should keep studying French, but no.”

“How was it, Dame?” Cady asks as Damian finally makes his way to them.

“The bits I could understand were quite interesting,” Damian replies. “Lot of walking though, this place is big.”

“It’s massive! And everything is so detailed, I think I could walk around here every day for ten years and still miss something,” Cady says happily.

“Right? I almost plowed some people down because I kept staring at the ceilings,” Damian chuckles. “Anyway, have you ladies seen what you want to see? I’m hungry.”

“When are you not?” Janis jokes, earning her a whack from her wife. “Ow!”

“Be nice,” Cady scolds. “I’m ready to go, I’m hungry too.”

“I’m nice! This is just how we treat each other,” Janis insists. “You’ve known us for ten years, come on!”

“Yes, and I’ve been constantly exasperated with you two ever since,” Cady sighs lovingly. “Now come on.”

—————

They head to a chocolate shop on their second-to-last day in Paris, so Aaron can get the freshest sweets possible. Janis is slightly worried that they won’t be able to bring them on the plane, but she decides to cross that bridge once they get there.

“So what kinds of chocolate does your boy toy like, Dame?” Janis asks, looking at a small bag of truffles that she’s very interested in for herself.

“Anything, really, he loves candy,” Damian says. “Where did Caddy go?”

“I dunno, she said she wanted to see something,” Janis replies. “She went that way.”

“Hm. Okay,” Damian says suspiciously. “God, everything smells so good.”

“Fresh chocolate,” Janis responds. Familiar arms suddenly wrap around her waist from behind. “Hi, Peanut. What have you been up to?”

“Nothing,” Cady hums in a tone that says she’s definitely been up to something. “Did you pick something?”

“Damn, why is this so expensive?” Damian asks suddenly, holding a case of chocolates of varying flavors. “All of the stuff here is.”

“Because it’s handmade,” Janis says. “They make new stuff every day.”

“Jesus,” Damian sighs. “He’d like this, though.”

“Done,” Janis says as she takes it, working her way over to buy them with her wife still clinging to her. “Now, what did you really get up to, Butterfly?”

“I might have signed us up for an eclair making class,” Cady mumbles. “They said we get to eat the rejects, I couldn’t resist!”

Janis laughs. “That sounds fun, babe, it’s okay. When is it?”

“Now,” Cady says shyly as a man suddenly emerges from the back and greets them. They’re led to wash their hands and put on gloves and hairnets.

The chef gives the instructions in French, so Janis translates as quickly as she can. “Oh, shit.”

“What? We haven’t even done anything yet, what could’ve happened already?” Damian asks frantically.

“He says if ours are good enough they’ll sell them in the shop,” Janis explains. “Or at least use them as a display.”

“Ooh,” Cady says excitedly, paying even closer attention.

“Why is a little bread thing so complicated?” Janis asks in slight fear, as the chef adds flour to a milk mixture and cooks it out.

“But they’re so good,” Cady says, restraining herself from eating all the caramel ingredients and tasty chocolate within her reach. “It’s worth it!”

The chef instructs them through the process of making a sort of caramel custard while the eclairs bake. Damian has started taking notes on his phone.

They’re set loose then, to replicate what the chef has taught them from scratch. Cady starts what she remembers from making the pastry, adding milk and a few other things to a pan. “This already doesn’t look right.”

“Shh, no, it’s fine,” Janis says quickly. “Just keep going, it’ll be fine.” Miraculously, she’s half-right, by the time everything else has been added and combined it almost looks like the one done by a professional.

Damian helps Janis load the dough into the piping bag, Cady watching anxiously off to the side. Janis gets to pipe them out on the bakeware, trying to remember how the chef did it.

She butchers the first one. It turns out sort of lumpy and misshapen, but for her first try it’s not terrible. Unfortunately, the improvement for the others is rather minimal.

“What are you doing? The fuck is that?” Damian calls as she pipes one and twists the end the wrong way.

“My best! I’m doing my best,” Janis calls back. “Look, we can fix it, it’s fine!”

“It’s not fine, oh my god,” Damian says. Janis suddenly hits an air bubble, making one of the eclairs much shorter than it was supposed to be.

“And you’re not helping!” Janis says, piping a little more out. Cady is bent over double laughing at their interaction. “Get the egg wash ready, dork.”

Damian helps Cady get the wash ready, brushing it over the piped pastry and shaping them back to something approaching decent.

“There,” Cady says as she brushes tears of laughter from her eyes. “Good job, guys.”

Janis huffs as she rests the piping bag down and glares at Damian. “Thank you. I tried very hard.”

“I never said they were bad,” Damian defends as the chef helps them clean up to prepare to make the filling. He’s also laughing, apparently having understood most of the recent conversation. “I just criticized your every move.”

“And I appreciate that so much,” Janis says sarcastically. “You fixed them, they’ll be fine.”

Cady gets to make most of the filling, with the chef watching protectively nearby in case of disaster. For her first time making caramel, she does remarkably well. She yelps a little when it puffs up as they add the cream to make it a custard, but recovers quickly and keeps going.

“There, see? Much easier,” Cady says, looking meaningfully at her wife and friend. The caramel is only slightly burnt, but the chef tasted it and said she could get away with it. That was her goal all along.

The eclairs come out of the oven looking remarkably good, and Cady helps Janis prepare the piping bag for the filling. The chef watches them in amusement, and Cady suddenly realizes they’ve made a terrible error.

“Jay?” She asks as Janis fills the bag, blissfully unaware.

“What?” Janis asks.

“We’ve made a mistake,” Cady mumbles, trying to hold back laughter.

“What? What did we do wrong?” Janis asks sadly.

Cady giggles hysterically. “When is the tip supposed to go in?”

Janis’ eyes go wide, and Damian bursts out laughing.

“Shit. Um... how do... what do we do?” Janis asks.

“Take the filling back out so we can put it in?” Cady suggests. Janis takes the bag and scrapes the caramel custard back into the bowl frantically while Cady hunts for the piping tip. “There, problem solved.”

“How are we so bad at this?” Janis mumbles as Cady puts the tip in and holds it for Janis to refill.

“We’re American,” Damian answers. “And eclairs are, like, famously tough to make.”

Once the filling bag is properly constructed, Cady hands the bag to Damian so he can pipe the eclairs full.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Janis teases to get him back. “Look, you have to fill them more! What are you doing?”

“Okay, point proven,” Damian grumbles as he pipes in more on the other side. Cady covers them with the same custard once they’re all full, and then a piece of chocolate is rested on as decoration.

“Yay, we didn’t do that bad!” Cady cheers. “They don’t look that different from his.”

“Yeah, but how do they taste?” Janis asks. She grabs what is clearly the worst looking one and takes a bite, and her eyes go wide when it’s actually quite good. “Oh, shit. Guys, try it.” Cady takes a bite too, and she dances happily at the taste. Damian goes next, giving a surprised hum.

The chef tries one of his own, hiding his surprise well. He informs them that they’re not quite good enough to sell, but they look good enough that they can pick one to put in the window. They pick the best looking one, and get to take the rest home.

“Well that was certainly an experience,” Damian chuckles. “Nice pick, Cads.”

“Thanks! That was fun,” Cady says happily. “And we get eclairs!”

Janis chuckles at how cute her wife is. “Let’s go eat them all.”

—————

On their last full day in Paris, they finally get to go up the Eiffel tower. Damian and Janis are more than a little anxious, since it’s so high, but Cady promises to keep them both safe.

The sun went down a few hours ago, and the stars are out in full force. Cady leans up against the railing and looks out over the rooftops of Paris, thinking back on all the experiences she’s gotten to have over the last week and a half or so.

Janis comes up to hug her from behind as she spies Notre Dame, making her jump. They were warned about pickpockets, so they gave everything important to Janis to keep in her inner jacket pockets. Cady still gets startled.

“Sorry,” Janis says quietly. “Just me.”

Cady leans back against her and turns to smile up at her. “Just my favorite person in the world.”

Janis chuckles. “You’re pretty high on my list, too.”

“Good, nice to know,” Cady giggles in reply.

“Was this a good trip?” Janis asks, kissing her cheek and looking out. She can see the candy shop they got Aaron’s thank you present from the day before, and their hotel. It’s all lit up, and very beautiful.

“A great trip. I loved every minute,” Cady replies. “I don’t want to go home.”

“I don’t either,” Janis says. “We’ll come back soon.”

“We better. We can actually go places now that I’m not in school anymore,” Cady replies. “Thanks for bringing us here.”

“Of course. Dame, come here,” Janis says, reaching for him. He comes to join the cuddle, forming a group hug.

“I love you guys,” he says quietly. “Thanks for the trip, Janjan.”

Janis sniffs, crying slightly. “Both of you stop it, this is too mushy.”

“Aww, Jellybean,” Cady coos. “Come here.” She pulls Janis and Damian in tighter, both of them bending down slightly to cuddle into her shoulders. “I love both of you so much.”

“I said stop,” Janis whines. “God, I love you guys so much.”

“We are in the city of love, Jan, you can’t stop it,” Damian chuckles. “I don’t even want to think about what you two did in that room.”

“Damian Hubbard!” Cady scolds. “Behave.”

“Sorry,” Damian says sheepishly. “I’ll give you guys a moment.” He heads to the other side then, looking out over a different part of the city.

Janis pulls back from her wife and wipes her eyes gently, Cady cupping her face and running her thumbs over her cheeks.

“J’taime tellement,” Cady whispers, leaning up to press their lips together. Another thing to check off their bucket lists, making out on top of the Eiffel tower.

“J’taime aussi,” Janis replies between kisses. “Tellement.”

“We’ll come back someday,” Cady murmurs gently, ghosting the words against Janis’ lips. “We do have to go home.”

“Do you want to know your other surprise?” Janis asks. “Make going home a little easier?”

“Yeah,” Cady says excitedly. Janis grins.

“Remember how when you were trying to guess what I got you in the first place, you asked if we were getting a puppy? And I said no?” Janis asks. Cady nods. “I lied.”

“Really?” Cady squeals. “You’re serious?”

“I don’t kid around about puppies. I found a breeder who just had a litter of golden retrievers a while ago, once we get settled back home we’ll go choose one,” Janis replies, giggling as Cady kisses her passionately again.

“Oh, golden retriever puppies are so cute, yay,” Cady says, bouncing happily. “Elvira gets a sibling.”

“Oh, she’s gonna hate that,” Janis chuckles.

“She’s still young, she’ll learn to like them,” Cady says. “She’s only two.”

“Yeah, that’s, like, a lot of cat years,” Janis says. “She’s a moody teenager.”

“God, yeah,” Cady chuckles. “Sleeps all day too. Oh well, we’ll pick a puppy with a similar personality.”

“I think you’re right, though. They’ll get used to each other eventually,” Janis says.

“We’ll work on it,” Cady replies. “Good job, love, now I almost want to go home.”

“Good,” Janis laughs. “But for now, kiss me again.”

“Gladly,” Cady purrs, popping up on her tippy toes again.

————-

A week later, they’re back in New York and almost adjusted once again to the time change. Time for a puppy.

They’d gotten all the supplies they would need the day before and set up the living room, deciding to keep Elvira in the bedroom until they were ready to be introduced face to face.

Cady shakes with excitement almost the whole way, frantically fiddling with a few of the stim toys she’s recently added to her collection.

When they enter the shelter, they’re immediately swarmed by a flock of puppies, wagging their tails happily and sniffing their shoes. One hops up on its hind legs to sniff Cady better.

“Oh my god,” Cady squeals, in a higher pitch than Janis has ever heard from her. “Oh, you’re all so cute, how am I supposed to pick?”

Janis sits down and laughs as several clamber onto her lap, trying to kiss her face. Cady follows suit, shrieking in surprise as about seven suddenly swarm in and knock her onto her back. One makes it to her face first, sniffing curiously at her nose before settling in on her chest for a nap.

“Oh. Who’s this one?” Cady asks, waving the others away from her face and cradling the one resting.

“That’s Salt. You can change her name if you want,” the breeder replies. “She’s the smallest, and pretty lazy, but she’s very gentle.”

Janis comes over carrying three others in her arms, trying to keep them off her lap. She extends a hand for Salt to sniff and chuckles when she chomps gently on her fingers.

“What do you think, baby?” Janis asks, looking at her wife.

“I love her,” Cady says happily. “Look at that face! We have to go now or I’ll take all of them, get me out of here. I want this one.”

“Sounds good, Butterfly,” Janis laughs. “Come on, let’s go get everything sorted.”

“Okay,” Cady says, scooping up her puppy and following them. “Bye guys! Oh, god, all of you are so sweet.”

“Okay, Salt here is already spayed and microchipped, mostly housebroken, but she’s not trained in any other way. She’s also had all her vaccinations to date, and here’s a recommendation for a vet,” the breeder says. “We notify on our social media whenever one gets adopted, so if you’d ever like to meet up with any of her siblings you can get in touch with their families that way.”

“Aww, that’s great, you’ll get to see your brothers and sisters again,” Cady coos. “Now we get to take you home!”

Janis manages to wiggle the puppy into her new harness and clip the leash on, leading her wife and new addition out once the puppy has said her goodbyes.

“What should we name her, Cads?” Janis asks as the puppy sniffs at a tree.

“What was the name of that shop? From Marseille, where your parents met?” Cady asks.

“La Jonquille,” Janis replies.

“What does that mean? I forgot,” Cady says with a chuckle as Salt runs out of leash and falls down.

“The Daffodil,” Janis says.

“Aww! What about Daffodil? That’s cute,” Cady squeals. “And we could call her Daffy.”

“I like it,” Janis replies. “Come here, Daffy! Come here!” Daffodil comes running over and bumps into Cady’s legs. “Aww, she likes it too, she responded to it.”

“Yay,” Cady says, picking her up and laughing as Daffy licks her face happily. “Oh, goodness, we love you too.”

“Okay, you ready to go home?” Janis asks, scratching behind Daffodil’s little ears.

“Yeah,” Cady grins, taking the leash and holding hands with her wife with her other hand.

But I’m always home with you.

does one of the characters in this have my real name because I am just that lazy? yes. this work was a challenge for me, but so much fun to write. hope you enjoyed!

our status for requests is the same as it was in the previous work. I am still taking them, but be aware that it will be July until your work is released.

thanks for reading!

lots of love,

ezzy

#cadnis #paint by numbers #space safari #cady heron x janis sarkisian #cady x janis #cady heron #janis sarkisian #damian hubbard #aaron samuels #mean girls #mean girls broadway #mean girls musical

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ofstarsandvibranium · 5 years

Text

Save A Spot For Me

Fandom: Marvel (College AU)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

As requested by anonymous: Bucky Barnes x reader where he always saves a spot for her in their one uni class and everyone noticed and ships them

You: sooooo...here’s the thing..

Bucky: late again.

You: yup. save a seat for me?

Bucky: of course

You: 😁 thanks!

Bucky shakes his head with a fond look on his face. He pulls open the door to his next class, one that you share with him. When he entered the lecture hall, there were already a few students in their preferred seats.

Bucky made his way to one of the middle rows, choosing a seat for him and then proceeding to place his things in the seat beside him, a place for you. As he dug out his supplies for the class, his buddy, Sam, waltzed into the room, heading straight for the seat next to Bucky, the one he was saving for you.

As soon as Sam grabbed for Bucky’s bag, he was stopped, “Hey, hey! Woah! That’s Y/N’s seat!”

Sam snorted, “And where’s Y/N right now?”

Bucky shrugged, “Said she was gonna be late.”

Sam shook his head, “Snooze, you lose!” he proceeds to move Bucky’s bag to the floor and sits in the seat that was preserved for you.

The brunette frowned, “You couldn’t have just sat in the other chair beside me?” with a shake of his head, Bucky moved his things to the other chair next to him. He then pulled out his notes and began to read the content from last lecture.

Soon enough, more and more students began to file into the hall. Whenever one would come up to Bucky, they’d ask, “Y/N’s seat?” to which he’d give them a sorry look accompanied with a nod. However, many didn’t seem too upset. Oddly enough, people would smirk at him or give him a knowing look.

“Why are people looking at me weird whenever I say that I’m saving a seat for Y/N?”

Sam chuckled, “Probably because we can all see how much you like her?”

Bucky scoffed, “What? No! I-I don’t like her! We’re just friends!”

“Mhmmmmm, keep tellin’ yourself that, man,” Sam gave a looking showing that he was unconvinced by Bucky’s words.

Bucky frowned. He opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted when Professor Coulson entered the room. His mouth shut immediately and he picked up his pen, ready to take notes.

____________

You absolutely hated living off campus. Well, no, that’s not entirely true. Living off campus meant you didn’t have to deal with the RAs, campus police, annoying floor mates, sharing bathrooms with 50+ people, etc. You had more privacy, a bathroom you had to shared with 3 people, and amazing roommates. The downside was not having the convenience of being closer to your classes. Instead, you had to take the bus to campus and the bus was never reliable. Like today. The bus driver decided to take a different route to the college than the usual and it’s going to make you late. Again! This will be your fourth tardy to class and you’re really hoping Coulson doesn’t rip you a new one in front of everybody.

At least Bucky said he’ll save you a seat. He’s a nice person like that. A nice person with gorgeous blue eyes, a beautiful smile, soft chocolate brown hair-UGH! Get it together, Y/N! You can’t crush on your friend like that. Was he a friend? You don’t really hang out outside of class. And you two usually only text about school. Maybe he’s not a friend then. But you’d like to be his friend...maybe more.

The bus finally arrives to campus and you mutter, “Finally!” under your breath as you practically hop off the vehicle and run towards the lecture hall. You’re twenty minutes late.

You head towards the back door of the lecture hall, slipping in as quietly as you can. You look down to see Bucky and you tip toe over to his row, whispering apologies to the students you pass. Bucky spots you and shoots a smile, removing his bag from your spot. You’re grateful that Coulson’s back is to you as he’s drawing a graph onto the board.

Just as you’re about to sit down, Coulson calls out your name, “Y/N, you know the rules.”

Everyone’s eyes turn to you, staring expectedly. You sigh, straightening your form as you stand, “I’m Y/N L/N and I’m late because my bus driver thought it was a good idea to take a different route to campus, which made me twenty-five minutes late to class.”

Coulson nodded when you sat down, “Alright. Now as I was saying-”

You drown out Coulson’s voice as you hurriedly open your notebook to write down all of the notes he’d put on the board. When he begins to erase them, you open your mouth to tell him to wait, but Bucky’s hand lands on your arm. He scribbles down something at the corner of his page. You lean in and read it:

Don’t worry. You can copy my notes later. ;)

Your shoulders deflate with relief and you mouth, “Thank you,” to him.

He shrugs and mouths back, “You’re welcome,” then goes back to writing out his notes.

After class, Coulson calls you up to his desk and you feel yourself tense as you approach, “Yes, sir?”

“So, I hate to do this, because you’re actually a really great student and you’re doing so well in my class, but I do have to give you a warning that if you’re late again, that’s an automatic absence.”

You nod understandingly, “I know, sir. I don’t mean to be late, you know. It’s just the bus-”

“I understand, but why doesn’t your boyfriend give you a ride?”

You look at him confusedly, “Boyfriend?”

“Barnes,” he says with a smirk, “The guy who always saves you a seat and secretly gives you heart eyes whenever you speak up in class?”

You honestly didn’t know what to say to that, “O-Oh, uh, Bucky and I-”

“Babe, you ready to go?” you look to the door and see Bucky’s head popping in.

“Uh, yeah?” you say unsurely.

He nods, “Let’s go then! Sam and Steve are waiting for us so we can head to lunch!”

“O-Okay!” you say and shoot a nervous smile to Coulson, who’s practically beaming at you. You wave at your professor and exit the lecture hall.

You then frown at Bucky, “Why’d you do that? Now he thinks we’re dating!”

He chuckles, “You make it sound like a bad thing.” you follow him as he continues to walk towards the cafe, “Besides, you don’t wanna embarrass the guy, do ya?”

You snort, “Why not? He embarrasses me all the time!”

“Which is you fault, by the way,” Bucky says with a pointed look.

You feign offense and point a finger at him, “It’s not my fault and you know it, Barnes!”

_______________________

The day after that, you get to campus early, as you told Bucky via texting him a selfie of you on campus. He proceeds to send you a selfie back showing you he’s already at the hall with a seat saved for you.

He waits patiently as you make your way over, doodling in his sketchbook yet another picture of you. So deep into his doodling, he doesn’t notice one of his classmates settling in the seat next to him, until another classmate from behind speaks up.

“Hey, blondie! You better take a different spot! Barnes doesn’t like anyone else sitting next to him other than his tardy girlfriend!”

Bucky grunts in dismay when he realizes Brock Rumlow, the campus asshole, is speaking. He looks over his shoulder with a frown, “Shut up, Rumlow, before you dumb down everyone’s IQ!” he then turns to his classmate with a sorry expression, “Sorry about him...Sharon, right?”

She nods, “Yeah, and sorry. I didn’t know this was Y/N’s seat. I usually sit up front, but my neck is starting to hurt since he’s been using the overhead lately. I’ll move down a seat.”

“I really am sorry.”

She shakes his head, “Don’t be. I think it’s cute that you do that for Y/N. You really like her, huh?”

Bucky feels his face start to heat up, “Well, uh, yeah.”

“You guys would make such a cute couple. You should ask her out! In fact, bring her to movie night that my sorority is holding for the school! It’s a thriller movie so if she gets scared, you can hold her and stuff.”

He nervously chuckles, “Yeah, I’ll, uh, I’ll think about it.”

“I hope you mean about the movie and not asking her out. Because you should definitely do it,” she sends him a wink and then moves down a seat.

A few minutes later, you burst into the room, earning a few playful hollers and applause from some students. You take a bow and then continue to climb the steps towards your seat. You carefully place a coffee cup onto Bucky’s desk, “Here.”

He takes it with a scrunch of his nose, “What’s this for?”

You settle in your seat and gave a shrug, “I mean, you save me a spot for every class. You don’t have to, but you do. So thanks for saving me the effort of looking like a dumbass for searching the room for an empty spot.”

“You’re welcome, but it’s not a big deal.”

“Still. I wanna thank you.”

“While I appreciate the coffee, maybe you can thank me another way?” he then slaps himself on the forehead, “Wait! I just realized how that sounds and that’s not what I meant!”

You throw your head back with a cackle, “I didn’t think of it that way at first, but now that you pointed it out, yeah, it sounds wrong.”

Bucky groans, “Sorry. Sorry. Anyway, what I meant was that...maybe you wanna...go on a date sometime?”

“S-Sure!” you say surprisingly.

“Great!” Bucky says with much relief, “I hear there’s a movie night comin’ up. Wanna go?”

“I heard it’s a scary movie so I’ll definitely be covering my eyes for most of the film, but sure.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand and protect you if need be,” he says with a smirk.

“HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!” a booming voice echoes throughout the lecture hall. All eyes land on Sam, who’s standing on the other side of Bucky. He cups his hands around his mouth and hollers, “LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND THOSE IN-BETWEEN, JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES HAS FINALLY ASKED Y/N L/N OUT!” students from all over the room burst into applause and cheers which makes you and Bucky want the ground to open up and eat you both.

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #marvel #marvel au #au #college au

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cheerfulmelancholies · 3 years

Text

Medical Mechanical Ch. 9

Diana couldn't sleep. All night, thoughts of horrific scenarios and questions about her father circled her mind, relentless and troubling her to no end. She kept thinking of this one article, buried so deep in the web that one would really have to dig to find it, and how it stated MM's need for new hires stemmed from their desire to turn small towns like Lakewood into human experiment factories. It was backed by zero facts, sounded sketchier than an ad for a miracle de-aging cream and was posted by some anonymous account that could've easily been a bot. It was probably nothing more than fear-mongering lies but it just hit home too hard.

Her dad may have snapped out of it quickly this time, but what if it happened again? What if MM damaged his brain and she could never get him back to normal? She didn't want to lose her father to those freaks. She and Ethan needed info, and they needed it fast. The second it became a reasonable time to do so, she was going to text him and schedule another meet up. Questioning the locals proved to be a fruitless endeavor and searching the web for facts was impossible. They needed info straight from the source.

The idea hit her and she jolted into full awareness. Her father. He had a life before MM, before her and even before Keana. She would never get anything about the company from him but that didn't mean he'd be against talking about his childhood. Perhaps there was a perfectly good reason why he wanted to work for them all of a sudden. Some deep-rooted childhood trauma, or something they had on him. If she could just figure out why, then the pieces would start pulling themselves together.

Tomorrow then. She'd meet with Ethan, they'd try and research on their own, and when her father came back from work, if he wasn't completely out of his mind again, she would ask him about his younger years. She'd have plenty of time to work out what to say and how to say it and, if it came down to it, she'd guilt him into spending time with her.

Crisis averted, she settled down beneath the covers and finally drifted off.

Diana awoke with a stretch, yawned and looked over at her bedside clock. It was just shy of ten. She wondered if her dad had gone off to work yet or if he might get today off. He used to always get Sundays off. She hated how she couldn't recall when that had changed.

Getting out of bed, she went about her morning routine before she checked up on her father. The bedroom door was closed, a sure sign he was still in there. She cracked the door when he didn't respond to her knocking.

"Dad? You awake?"

He shifted and lifted his head. "Huh? You alright, pumpkin?" He forced himself to turn over so he could look at her, eyes struggling to focus.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to check on you after last night. How do you feel?" The light from the curtained windows was just enough that she could make out his features. He looked weary and exhausted, but he seemed to be more coherent than yesterday. He probably just didn't sleep well.

Daniel yawned and rubbed his eyes, tired and unfocused from a miserable night staring at the walls and ceiling. "I feel alright," he said, falling back onto the pillows. "I'm just really tired."

"Do you have work today?" It was odd for him not to be up. She was so used to waking up in an empty house that his lingering presence made her uncomfortable. It seemed wrong for him to still be here, somehow.

He sucked in a breath and opened his eyes. No one had given him the day off and after yesterday there was no way he'd call in sick. He'd already messed up by sleeping in. He threw the covers aside.

"Dad?"

"Sorry, honey, but I have to get going. Thanks for waking me up." He trudged to the dresser and grabbed fresh undergarments before getting a clean suit from the closet.

Diana watched him shamble towards her. "Wait, you actually have work today?" She regretted checking on him at all. The man looked like he might collapse within the hour. "You should call in sick or something. There's no way you can work like this."

He waved her off as he stepped by to get to the bathroom. "I'm fine, pumpkin, really."

"That's what you said yesterday and look at what happened." She wished she'd have left him alone to sleep. She didn't want MM to see him like this.

"I was just... tired yesterday," he said, rubbing his forehead. Still a headache, but not the thought piercing migraine it was last night. "Besides, I can't just not show up."

"I can call, if you want. I'll tell them you, uh, fell or something. Or that you have food poisoning."

"Diana, I know you mean well but I have to go. Like it or not, it's my job." He took deliberate steps down the stairs, trying not to drop his clothes in the process.

Diana watched him struggle to keep his balance. He was obviously exhausted. Why was he so determined to push through it and go to work? She wondered what they could've offered him to make him do this. It was maddening.

As the Eldorado rumbled down the driveway, Diana called Ethan.

"Morning," he said, having answered on the fourth ring.

"Hey, how's it going? How's your mom?" She was going to cut right to the chase but felt it would be rude to focus on herself first.

"It's ok. She's doing a little better. Still a bit out of it, but better. How's your father?"

She bit her lip. "I... may have messed up."

"Did something else happen?"

"No, no. He was sleeping and I went in to check on him. He's doing better but I wish I hadn't woken him up. I asked him if he had to work and he forced himself out of bed to head in. I couldn't get him to call off no matter what."

"He's... He's definitely devoted," Ethan answered, cracking the knuckles on his free hand. "Is he still messed up from last night?"

"No, he's fine. I don't think he slept well and he definitely still has a headache, but he's acting normal. I didn't want him to go in because I'm worried he'll fall over from exhaustion. I don't like the thought of them seeing what's happening to him either." She turned to the empty kitchen. He wouldn't even eat breakfast.

Ethan hummed as he thought of what to say. Finally, "Whatever they've done has turned him into a puppet."

"That's just it," she said, walking into the living room to fall onto the couch. "They aren't forcing him to work there. He WANTED to, apparently. My mom told me."

"Why would he wanna do that?"

"I don't know, and neither does she. He wasn't always like this. He used to hate Medical Mechanical, then he just did a one-eighty. And he's not even trained to work in the medical industry, that's what gets me. My mom thinks they offered him something to get him on board for research."

"Offered him what? Money? Fame? Drugs? There'd have to be one hell of a payout to get someone to be as devoted as your dad. Even my mom only works there for the check and health insurance. And what kind of research would he be doing there?"

Diana sighed. "I'm not sure. I don't know what they could've said to him either but I think it's something personal. I was thinking that if we could figure out why my dad suddenly decided to work there, then we could finally start getting some real answers."

"So, what? You're gonna ask him about his childhood or something?" He couldn't see how that would help, but she sounded like she wasn't going to budge.

"Yeah, I'll ask him if he's not off his rocker again. But I also thought that we could maybe try researching ourselves. Stuff like that is public record, right? I know MM is a medical giant but they can't just erase people. There has to be something that would point to why they were interested in him in the first place."

He hummed. As ludicrous as it sounded, they'd at least be getting some more reliable info. And maybe he could look up his mom too. "Ok, sounds good to me," he said after several moments.

"Cool. Meet me same place as yesterday? Give me, like, twenty minutes."

"Got it. See you in a bit."

"Bye." She hung up and rushed to get dressed, eating a quick bowl of cereal before getting her bike from the garage. As she walked past the empty space where her dad's car was parked, she couldn't stop herself from thinking back to when he was standing there, confused and incoherent. She forced down the worry and hoped that he would be alright.

#writing #writers on tumblr #creative writing #medical mechanical #mm #rough draft #current wip #sci fi #writeblr #wip

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honeyctzen · 4 years

Text

scarred leash [2] - m.l

words: 9.7k

warnings: suggestive content, mentions of self harm, bdsm

part 1: scarred leash [1] - m.l

I had never felt pain quite like a hangover before, the dizziness of it, the hazy filter that lingered over my vision. It was completely awful, bad enough to put me off drinking for months to come. Though still, I felt thankful that Rose had taken me along, let me experience the night life in London. I had drunk alcohol, danced, kiss a stranger and then, cut myself. The ending perhaps wasn’t the high point, but the rest of the night had been incredible, and I needed to focus on that, the good. Particularly because work continued on as normal the following day. So, aside my throbbing head and pulsating arm, I was forced from the safety of my house and into work.

The entire world was dialled up to ten, the sky too bright, noise far too loud and each person that spoke to me or even nudged past my body seemed to annoy me beyond limit. I should have called in sick, I should have made up an excuse to stay home but instead, I pushed on. My arm was still bleeding the following day, leaking small droplets of blood onto my sheets. I tried my best to stop the bleeding but even through the doors on my workplace, I could feel the dampness attach itself to my shirt. Thankfully I had worn something red, so no one would notice, my stiff smile successfully convincing everyone that nothing was the matter. And the day went on as if everything was the same, as though my mind weren’t completely clouded over with sensual worry. Though I covered my anxiety with the mounds of work that stacked up on my desk, the thoughts were always lingering, attached to me like a mite. My entire knowledge of my own sexuality had dissolved and now, I worried I might never feel that relief ever again. That I would forever remain displeased, teetering on the edge.

As hours passed in the office, I had resolved to chewing my nails down to the nub and tapping my feet on my chair to help calm my nerves. I couldn’t think to eat or drink anything, nor could I think my work through entirely. The worst part was being aware that I wasn’t working to my own standards, merely because I was worried about my already non-existent sex life. The entire thing felt pathetic, a worry that changed my life not the slightest but simultaneously, changed everything. Ignoring the subject didn’t seem to help and so I spent much of my day allowing myself to fester over it. Letting my thoughts on the matter crawl in my stomach and turn over until I felt entirely too sick.

I thought of going into the bathroom, locking myself in a stall and crying for the rest of the day. Sobbing until my eyes were puffy and my throat was raw but that wasn’t possible. More paper was pushed onto my desk, the stack piling up until it seemed to threaten its topple. I watched it helplessly, trying to glance at the numbers and type them up as I did every day. My computer slowed to a near halt, the old models they used in the office weren’t particularly reliable, but they never froze like this. I felt a stiff groan bubble up my throat and explode into the air, my back arching from my chair as I desperately wiggled the mouse, willing it to work. My hopes were useless, the unfinished chart sprawled out across the screen, almost mocking my anguish. I could feel a growing need to bawl in my chest, lungs aching as they tried to control my breathing. Another round of muffled huffs coming from my mouth as I pushed myself away from my desk. The mouse clattered against the wood and fell to the ground, the thud roaming the room as heads perked up from the stalls surrounding me. I wished no one to come over and through the hope and my annoyed glare, people seemed to understand.

A moment passed before I even dared to glance upward, to pull myself back into the distressing reality of the scene I’d created. As I slowly returned myself to it, I watched a figure wander toward me, standing in the same place it had before. Mark held a tender expression, kind eyes sullen as he watched me pull myself back to the desk. Part of me wanted him to leave me be, to go back to his own stall and forget that this had ever happened, though, I could have used help with the computer. My eyes caught his, the umber warmth of them soothing the nausea in my tummy. A subdued smile bit at the corners of my mouth as I watched him lean over and inspect my frozen computer. My body careened to the side in order to give the boy beside me more room, his figure awkwardly close to me all of a sudden.

The warmth radiating from his skin expelled onto mine, making my cheeks flush maroon as I admired his tense expression. His fingers outstretched over the mouse he had picked from the floor, his hand tensing as he clicked. Small groans left his mouth as he furiously tried to make the device work but just as I had experienced, it wasn’t complying whatsoever. Mark began viciously wiggling the mouse as I had, the groans becoming louder as he reached over to press on the keyboard. I tried to move my body away though by the time he had leant over, his arm had already stretched over my chest. I pushed backward, my skin burning where his suit shirt had brushed against me, chest aching from the tension. As I watched him attentively, Mark pushed on random keys, mumbling away to himself in the deepness of his accent. The smile poking at my lips grew a little wider, my shaky fingers keeping to their place on the desk as they began wanting to run over the digits of his hand. Wanting to feel the glow of his tanned skin, the supple shape of his fingers, the curvature of his hand.

His groans continued as he pressed more keys, my eyes flitting back to the screen every so often. While he pressed a few, the computer began working a little, the screen changing. The uncompleted graph disappearing from it as suddenly things began popping up. At first it was merely the internet homepage, or my work email, as things that were easily mistakenly opened, though as he pressed more buttons, it became more personal. Mark clicked down on a page accidentally, my web browser history appearing on the screen, my stomach immediately tightening to a painful degree.

Unfortunately, there was no computer in my flat and the one at work was easily accessible. I hadn’t looked up anything explicit, nor had I gone looking for anything that would warrant a scolding. However, in the past few weeks I had been researching different things under incognito tabs, areas that I had maybe had interest in but had never understood. My internet history boasted no scandalous films but instead mere questions such as “what is masochism?” and “how to know if you are a masochist?” I hadn’t quite understood it still but at least my curiosity was satisfied although now, my curiosity was open to Mark. I could see him reading through the search history, sounding out words that brushed against his lips. Through the tense expression scrawled into his face, I could see him working it all out in his head. The cogs twisting until his lips hung open slightly, eyes still stuck to the screen not moving. By the time I reacted about five seconds after the page had popped up, it was far too late.

In a flurry of panic, I lifted my still bleeding arm and swiped it across the desk. My fingers knocking over Mark’s hand as I reached to close the page and in turn, hide my dwindling curiosity into sex. I tried my best to close the tab quickly but as I did so, I failed to notice my sleeve riling up, revealing another thing I wished Mark to not know. I raised up until half of my forearm was showing, slashes marking the skin, the blood and collection of scars coating the newer cuts all visible to the man leaning over me. My stomach twisted so uncomfortably I felt vomit rise in my throat, my entire body clenching while I pulled my arm back and hid the cuts once more.

I waited, expecting Mark to begin spewing out profanities and accusations that I was completely insane. Which may have been true but still, I didn’t want such things screamed out into the office. I waited a moment more, expecting it to come at any minute now but as time withered on, it never did. Mark merely stared down at the table top for a while, his eyes still just as soft and tender as they had been toward me before. And as he eventually glanced up, his expression was sympathetic, not at all disgusted or even the slightest bit confused. In fact, I felt like I was the one who was perplexed, my pulse oddly regular for the situation, though my mind was still hazy and spinning. I merely glanced back up at Mark, his almond eyes stuck on mine as though I would shatter if he looked away even for a second. My other hand came up to cradle my injured arm, hiding it from Mark.

‘Ellie,’ He mumbled suddenly, his voice quiet.

‘It’s okay, I’m fine.’

‘Did you, did you do these?’ He asked softly, fingers moving slightly closer toward almost as though he wanted to reach out and help. I couldn’t bring myself to let him, I couldn’t even bring myself to give him an honest answer.

‘I don’t wanna talk about it.’ I let myself whisper.

‘They look pretty serious.’

‘They’re fine.’ I answered quickly, gaping up at him with cold eyes trying my best to remain completely composed. Though I knew tears were poking at my orbs, my cheeks hot with embarrassment.

‘Okay.’ Mark mumbled sadly, his voice rough as if it were nearly breaking. In part, I was still glad he hadn’t mentioned the search history though I was sure self-harming was a little more serious that some searches. His voice closed off altogether, and his body began drifting from my desk. Hands lifting from the surface as his eyes disconnecting from mine. It should have been a relief but instead, it only made me feel worse.

As Mark continued to tread away from me, I felt a nauseating thought that he might tell someone overwhelm me. My chest burning as I blurted out his name into the office, his head turning and feet stepping nearer me, so I could keep my voice quiet.

‘Please don’t tell anyone.’

‘Of course.’ He muttered back to me, nodding as he spoke trying his best to force a smile over his lips. I mirrored his expression faux security coming over my mouth as I watched him return to wander from me. A tear spat down my cheek as Mark turned the corner to sit back at his own desk, his form disappearing altogether. I felt so entirely awful, for impending that on him, someone who likely wanted nothing to do with me, or my own looming thoughts about pain and masochism. Someone who likely wanted to work alongside with me with no hassle, and now he knew so much more than I’d ever intended. I felt I had ruined it, ruined whatever chance I had at a friendship with someone nearer my own age, with someone as polite and witty as Mark. I’d ruined it, and I felt now as though my communications with him were entirely over, that the conversation would be our last.

I tried to not talk about work too much with Rose and tried not to discuss personal things with any one of my co-workers. I kept the two entirely separate and merely peddled through life aimlessly, allowing a sense of emptiness to come over me. Routine bevelled down into me so strongly that I couldn’t envision myself ever straying from it, and that, upset me. I returned home again, an entire week since I had spoken to Mark, since he had seen two sides of myself that I kept locked up. I tried not to think about it much and Mark had continued to smile at me as we passed one another in the hallway but it still felt like a nagging scab.

My body pulled itself from the chilly atmosphere on the street into the familiar warmth of my home. Feet pacing up the stairs until I stepped into the living room and spotted Rose sprawled out across the sofa. A throw away television show was chattering away in the background, though Rose quickly forgot about it as she heard my entry. Her head poking up from its place on the couch, her beaming grin greeting me as I strode further into the room, my dull expression a juxtaposition to hers. I wandered over and slumped my body beside her on the sofa, limbs a jangled mess as they stretched my work clothes. I grumbled beneath my breath, Rose sitting up, allowing me more room as she chuckled at my obvious displeasure. Her hand cradled my shoulder, careened around me on the back of the sofa while I melted into her hold, thankful to be home. I huffed out a relieved sigh, my eyes scrunching as Rose again, merely chuckled.

‘You alright, pumpkin?’ Rose asked, my eyes opening to look at her as I nodded in response.

‘Just knackered.’

‘The harsh reality of the working world.’ My roommate exclaimed dramatically, throwing her free arm out into the air as she threw her head back. I felt a supple grin nudge the corners of my lips but still, I couldn’t make myself smile, not even for Rose.

I groaned from below, head slumped on the pillows surrounding my motionless form. ‘Says you! You go on dates for a living.’ I felt a chuckle leave my lips, looking up to find Rose grinning back at me. We didn’t often discuss her profession, she had only briefly mentioned her multitude of perverted sugar daddies and the snippets I heard made me feel sick. Though it didn’t make me think any less of her, in fact, it only gained her more of my respect.

‘Hey, you know how hard it is to keep a customer satisfied? Especially when that customer is an old, white, closeted gay man.’

‘And you’re very talented at it.’ I added, lifting myself so I could sit up and maintain eye contact without my neck snapping. Rose beamed and shrugged as she often did when receiving compliments.

‘I know, I’m brilliant.’ I giggled as she spoke, leaning my head on the soft muscle of her bicep. My forced laughter filled the room so wholly that I almost missed the question that then fell from Rose’s mouth.

‘So, any girls or guys you like?’

My head perked up from her arm, eyes squinting for a moment before I pieced together what she had asked. I immediately understood that she was referring to Mark, who I had mentioned in passing once or twice. Though the only information I had let out was that he was sweet, attractive and close to my age. If Rose had asked me the same question the week prior, I may have been inclined to grin entirely smitten and mumble away about the crescent shape Mark’s hair naturally fell in. Or the way his bottom lip would dip between his teeth in concentration, or how he mumbled cute profanities when the coffee machine wouldn’t work. But now, I just felt upset, knowing that I couldn’t rant away about him like an infatuated schoolgirl. Instead, as Rose waited for an answer, I pulled my knees up to my chest and huffed.

‘No, not really.’

‘What about that skinny Asian kid from work?’ Rose interrogated, a slight smile coming to my mouth at how she referred to Mark. Out of all the physical qualities, she had picked that he was skinny and Asian as the defining ones though I supposed, to anyone that only knew him in passing, that’s all he was.

‘Mark?’

‘Yeah, yeah, the guy from work.’

‘You mean, the skinny Asian kid from work?’ I quipped, eyebrows furrowed as Rose rolled her dark orbs.

‘I couldn’t remember his name, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s cool.’ I mumbled, hoping we could forget the topic of Mark altogether.

‘So?’ Rose nudged me with the tip of her elbow, prodding the bone into the pulpy flesh of my upper arm.

‘So?’

‘You like him, right?’

‘Uh, yeah, he’s cute.’ I said, trying to stay nonchalant, as though it were a surface level sort of thing, like most crushes were supposed to be.

‘And he’s nice?’

‘Yeah.’ I mumbled staring down at my feet, feeling the words Mark had said to me last roll back like patient waves on a shore.

‘So, ask him out.’ Rose near commanded, her voice higher in pitch as she muttered the suggestion. My eyes snapped upward to glare at her, head shaking adamantly while she merely smiled at me. As though she knew something I was completely hidden from. I continued shaking my head, face tensing.

‘Why not?’

‘I just, I don’t know.’ I exclaimed, my voice raising in volume as I began to feel more strongly about the topic. ‘There’s so many things that could go wrong with dating, and relationships and besides, I have no idea what I’m doing with, any of it.’

‘Ask him to teach you.’ Rose uttered, wiggling her eyebrows furiously. My palm came up to lightly tap her arm, though it didn’t stop the giggles from filling the entirety of the room.

‘No! Oh my god!’

Rose continued to laugh as the idea of my virtue, of the concepts that roamed the depths of her mind while mine sank to a different place. Recalling how, if even I wanted to try something with Mark, I couldn’t. My laughs stopped completely, mind replaying out last conversation as though it were one of the macabre erotic films I watched when I was younger.

‘He, saw my cuts last week,’ I whispered, barely audible but still, Rose caught it. Her laughter stopping and head raising as she listened intently. ‘At work.’

‘Saw them, saw them?’

‘Yeah, he, uh, yeah.’ I stifled, my voice cracking.

‘Did he say anything?’ Rose asked. I was unsure how to answer that question for I was unsure what a normal person would say if they saw a co-worker self-harming. If it would be more rational to throw a fit like I had expected, or merely go on with life like you’d never known, like Mark had.

‘Not really. It, um, it kinda seemed like he was, but then he didn’t. I asked him not to, not to tell anyone or anything like that, so he didn’t. He did exactly what I told him to.’ I explained miserably.

‘He’s nice.’

‘Yeah…’ I mumbled, trying to shake the sombre from my bones, ‘can we talk about something else, um, what about Andy?’

‘Andy?’ Rose repeated as though she had never heard that name in her life which caused me to sigh.

‘Yeah, how is he? I haven’t seen him since we went out, and you haven’t talked about him.’

‘Oh, he’s okay.’ Rose stated, as if I should have known. ‘We’re just, not seeing each much at the moment, he works,’ she rolled her eyes, ‘beside, we’re in an open relationship, it’s not like I’m lonely. Guys flock to me, because,’ she waited for me to answer.

‘Because you’re gorgeous, and sexually insatiable, as I have heard on numerous occasions.’

‘And,’

‘And?’

‘I’m hung.’ Rose said triumphantly, smiling ear to ear fraudulently. ‘The body of a twink and the feminine mind of a lady.’

‘And soon, you’ll have the mind of a woman and the body of one, right? I mean, they’re starting you on hormone at some point?’ Rose had mentioned hormone a couple times and often obsessed over her doctor’s appointment, I understood why. It was imperative that she transition soon, she had waited for so long already.

‘Sure, next month apparently,’ she shrugged, ‘but I’m not done saving up money and I need a lot of it, for top surgery.’ I hadn’t heard the term before and I couldn’t put my finger on what it meant.

‘Top surgery?’ I enquired like a bewildered child.

‘Boobs.’

‘Oh,’ I felt stupid for not getting it though Rose seemed to take pity on that fact, ‘well, you’ll get them soon. And besides, boobs are overrated anyway.’ I consoled her. I knew the pain of lugging around the lumps of fat on my chest and often wished my breasts to shrink down until they were pretty and perky. But for Rose, it was incredibly important that she experience every facet of being a woman, because she was one.

‘Not for me, I’ve wanted them since I was eight, I want them so bad.’ She groaned, pushing her hands against the stuffed bra she always wore.

‘I’ll donate, you can have mine.’ I smiled, falling into her once more as she held my form in her arms.

‘Aw, thank you chick pea.’ I giggled at the return of her nicknames and listened as she laughed in harmony with me. Our chuckles poured out into the room, dancing through the air until they were burrowed beneath a louder, harsher sound. The sound of our telephone ringing out into the flat, deafening us with its powerful spray of noise. I was taken aback, shocked by the sound though I was the one to jump up. Lifting myself from beside Rose and running across the room to grab the device, doing anything to stop the sound. My thumb hit answer and my fingers pressed the phone to my ear as the loud ringing abruptly stopped.

I waited for a voice.

‘Hello?’ I called out into the phone.

‘Is this Ellie, uh, Ellie Brewer?’ The accent, the accent. It danced to me through the phone line, I knew, merely from the accent alone.

‘Yes, sorry, who’s speaking?’ I questioned although my mind had already latched onto the answer.

‘Oh, shit, sorry. It’s Mark, hi.’ He audibly worried, his voice spewing out short words as though his mind were too cloudy to process anything more.

‘Hi.’ I mewled back to him.

‘Sorry for calling out the blue.’

‘No, no, it’s cool, I just, didn’t expect it.’ It was me who was flapping, my speech awkward and all too breathy for my natural tone. My stomach was in knots, chest barely able to breathe without feeling the relief of burn that riled over it. Mark had called me, he had called me with no prompt, merely because he wished to do so. It felt fake, as though my vision were coated with a dreamlike sensation that tingled in my fingertips.

‘What’s up?’ I called out to him once more, this time stifling my nerves until he wouldn’t be able to hear them.

‘Do you, wanna go for a drink with me?’ Mark asked softly, the deepness of his accent pouring out to me over the phone line. An ache dulled in my loin, fingers shaking as they struggled to hold the phone to my ear.

‘Uh sure,’ I coughed out through thick nerves, ‘when?’

‘Now?’ He asks, my chest aching ten times over. I began to panic, now? I felt awful, full of snot and slumber from long hours of work though the idea of seeing Mark invigorated me like nothing else ever had.

‘Right,’

‘Is it bad timing?’ He began worrying aloud again.

‘No, no, I’d love to.’ I cut him off.

‘Cool,’ I listened to him sigh on the other side of the line, his transfixing groan fluttering toward me yet again, making my stomach turn. ‘If you tell me your address, I could come pick you up?’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ I glanced back at Rose who was merely sat staring at me, her eyes wild and smile crazed. Though giddy curiosity smirked over her face, I knew she could already guess who was on the phone. I grinned back at her before turning all my attention once again, to Mark. ‘It’s 56 Gresham Road, near Brixton Station.’

‘Oh right, cool.’

‘Is that close to you?’

‘About twenty minutes away, it’s not too far. So, when should I come round?’ He enquired rather innocently.

‘Couple hours?’

‘Yeah, yeah, cool, cool. I’ll see you then.’

‘See you in a bit.’ I mumbled back to him before putting the phone back down on the stand, allowing the call to come to an end. My hands gripped the side of the bookshelf for stability, my skin feverishly sweaty. Mark called.

As I turned back around and trail back to the sofa, Rose stared at me in awe, clearly concerned about my expression. One of panic, dazed, excited, but panic, nonetheless. She waited for me to sit beside her before the sudden tsunami of questions hits me, her hand holding onto my covered forearm as I gazed up at her.

‘Was that?’

‘Mark.’ I nodded slowly, a smile beginning to crack at my lips, mouth outstretched until I looked sufficiently crazy. Though by the time I said his name, Rose seemed as dizzily happy as I was, her giggles roaming the room. She jumped in her spot on the sofa, tugging on my arm.

‘Really! Oh my god, did you give him your number?’

‘No, I think he got it from Marge, another co-worker, office mum, wants me to get out there.’ I chuckled, still bewildered by the call. I sat back on the couch, allowing it to sink in, that he would be here in two hours.

‘So? What did he say?’

‘He invited me out for drinks.’ I grinned up at Rose, my body leaning into her as I chuckled.

‘Yes! When?’

‘In two hours.’

‘Holy shit, holy shit.’ Rose continued to mumble the two words underneath her breath, eyes skipping across the room in more panic than I had.

‘I know.’

‘Right,’ she said calmly, standing up before me and reaching out her hands. I placed my fingers in her palms, allowing her to haul me up from the comfort and safety of the sofa. ‘We have to make you look fuckable.’

‘Rose!’ I exclaimed, partially offended that she didn’t think I looked fuckable in that moment, or always. But also beginning to panic that that was why Mark had invited me out. My thighs pursed together in worry yet supple, slightly too innocent curiosity.

‘More fuckable.’ Rose corrects herself.

‘Thanks.’ I roll my eyes, my hands sweaty as Rose guides me from the living room and toward her room. A room filled with glitters and showy clothes, things that were gorgeous, beautiful like Rose. My stomach tightened at the idea of wearing anything but a pencil skirt in the presence of Mark.

‘C’mon, I’ll help you get ready.’ My friend insisted, leading me to her makeshift salon as I mentally prepared myself for all that was to come that night. A thick belt of nerves gulping down my throat all at once.

The knock finally came after twenty minutes of sitting around, after Rose had finished her renovation job on me. I felt sick, and shy all of a sudden. Rose had to nudge my arm to pry me from my seat, watching proudly as I waved her goodbye and disappeared down the stairs. My feet shook as I wandered the steps, my trainers more comfortable than the stilettos Rose had suggested. I hadn’t the strength to walk in them all night and besides, if I had worn them, I would likely tower over Mark.

Mark.

He would be stood behind the door, not in a silver suit that was slightly too large for him. He would be wearing normal clothes, his tired eyes a little sleepy this late into the night, his hair messy. My thighs tensed, pushing myself to the door and pulling the barrier back with nervous fingers. As the separation disappeared, I was finally able to see the boy stood on my doorstep. I felt myself smile at the mere sight of him, his eyes glancing over my figure as his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. I was definitely out of my comfort zone, but there was no doubt that Rose had improved upon me. Styling me almost methodically to show off every good feature, my breasts, bright eyes, long legs. And somehow still minimizing my boyish hips and waist and my fat that loomed over my tummy and legs. I didn’t mind the way I looked when Rose styled me, I felt good, almost bordering on confident. Though I was nothing compared to how Mark appeared in the darkening light of the street.

The relaxed atmosphere only seemed to highlight how beautiful he was. Hair tousled and messy, exposing his forehead only slightly, it fell naturally, like the branches of a tree. Scattered onto his skin that shone underneath the streetlight, dotted moles appearing like stars in the consolation of his complexion. I wished to kiss him then and there, and let this immense longing be done with. Though instead, I smiled politely and stepped down off my doorstep to wander with him. Watching as he pulled the sleeves of his brown jumper up to show his forearms, his hands almost begging to be held. I found the courage to step away from the safety of my home and begin the journey to whichever bar Mark was to choose.

‘You look really nice.’ I mumbled toward him, his eyes lighting up as he grinned. His fingers began to fumble around themselves, his posture still tense.

‘Thanks, you look, really pretty.’ I merely smiled in response, the wideness of the grin far too toothy but still, I hoped he would find it endearing anyhow.

We only spoke fleetingly to one another as we ambled through the streets, though his eyes were stuck to me like pins, looking as I admired each building. I liked being watched by him, I liked being underneath the scrutiny of his care, I enjoyed his gaze attached to me. My fingers fumbled with the ends of my own sleeves, tugging them down instinctively all the way to the bar. I could tell Mark had selected it before coming to pick me up, that it wasn’t a spur of the moment choice. Instead, it seemed he had deliberately picked a bar that was warm, full of energy and bright lights, everything that would peak my interest. My eyes widened up at him as we wandered into the building, the silence between us comfortable, natural. I inspected each detail of the bar, the neon signs attached to the walls, the pretty pastel colour palette, the selection of alcohol lining the bar wall. A wash of shock came over me when I saw how empty the bar was though I knew most people favoured louder clubs. In this building however, the music was quiet, peaceful as was the atmosphere. I stood, merely gawping up at it all as Mark chuckled, the angelic sound bringing my attention back down upon him.

He sat at the bar first, tapping the seat beside him with his slender fingers. I watched intently and followed his motion, placing myself next to his figure and staring up at him for the next order.

‘What would you like to drink?’

‘Are we,’ I leant in slightly, ‘drinking alcohol?’

Mark chuckled, ‘If you like.’

‘I’ll just have a coke.’ I smiled at him, feeling slightly clueless without the guidance of Rose with me. I watched as Mark ordered the drinks, his voice calm and smooth as he did so. It was odd seeing him out of the office like this, where he and everyone else were equals instead of him being surrounded by older people. In here, Mark seemed entirely in control of himself and the atmosphere entirely.

‘This is awkward?’ He half asked.

‘No,’ I shook my head immediately, ‘I don’t feel awkward, I’m just, a little bit nervous.’

‘You’re nervous?’ Mark chuckled, raising his eyebrows and shaking his head a little. I smiled at his adorable actions.

‘Yeah.’

‘I was nervous to ask,’ he confessed, pressing a finger to his chest, ‘I’ve been trying to rile up the courage to do it all week.’ I felt my chest tighten as he spoke, his words sweet like honey. I began to let my mind drift to our previous, brief conversation, how that would have added to his nerves, or even caused them.

‘Is that the only reason you didn’t ask sooner?’ I enquired softly, my voice just above a whisper. Mark pulled himself closer to my stool, his knee skimming against the thigh high socks Rose had put me in. I pressed my thighs tighter together, afraid if I opened them any amount that I would show much more than I expected.

‘Well, that and, I needed to think, I guess.’ Mark sighed as he spoke, lifting a hand and sprawling his digits out in his hair. As he dropped the hand back to his jeans with a soothing slap, he spoke again. ‘Does that sound like an excuse, it isn’t, I just.’

‘No, not at all.’ I interrupted.

‘Cool.’ He smiled to himself and looked up as the bartender returned with two glasses. The tall man placed them down onto the table top.

‘Here you are, one coke and one Ribena, enjoy.’ He smiled politely, exchanging the drinks with Mark’s money before leaving us once more. Mark cupped his face in his palm, sighing as he let his features drop against the shield. I merely giggled.

‘Well, that’s embarrassing.’ Mark groaned, peering up and looking over his childish drink.

‘No, no, it’s cute.’ I assured him, watching as he immediately pulled the drink toward himself.

‘In that case.’ He mumbled and began taking sips from the glass and I followed his actions, allowing the benign fluid to fill my tummy. We sat for a moment and let our drinks settle, before Mark began fidgeting again, shuffling in his seat.

‘So,’

‘So?’ I giggled.

‘Tell me all about yourself.’

‘Myself.’ I whispered beneath my breath.

‘Yeah.’ Mark chuckled as I began thinking to myself about how much I should tell him. I wondered if I should lie and create an elaborate and entertaining back story for myself, although I decided against it. I wanted to be honest with Mark and so, I let myself speak candidly.

‘Well, I’m from a tiny village just outside of Sheffield, I moved here a couple weeks before I started work, and I’ve been doing that ever since. I’ve had it planned out for a long time.’ I explain and though it wasn’t much, it is the most information I had told anyone in London all at once, in one long breath.

‘That’s it? No family, no heart wrenching stories about your first love, no scandalous secrets?’ I chuckled as Mark complained, watching him list the things that I didn’t have.

‘I have family.’

‘That’s a start, go on.’

‘My dad and older brother left when I was a baby, so, I don’t know them whatsoever. I was left with my mum and grandma, who were both pretty overprotective, so its just me now, well and Rose.’ I mumbled out coldly, speaking on such things as though they weren’t members of my family. I didn’t feel they were anyone, I felt everything from before London was merely fragments of a past life.

‘Rose?’ Mark enquired gently, and he sipped more juice from his glass.

‘My roommate, she dressed me.’ I shrugged, pulling at the loose material of my skirt and the much tighter material of my shirt. The stiffness of the silk garment sticking to my curves like leeches, the cleavage much lower than anything my work clothes showed.

‘I need to buy Rose a thank you present.’

‘Shut up!’ I groaned at him, bringing a single hand down upon his thigh. He mumbled beneath his breath and chuckled at my feeble actions, merely staring at me as I took another gulp of my drink and grew more comfortable in his presence.

‘So, what about you?’

‘Me?’ He quipped, pointing to himself dramatically as I rolled my eyes.

‘Yes!’

‘So, obviously, I’m not from here.’

‘Evidently.’ I said, trailing off in my own accent which was a million times less attractive as his.

‘I can’t tell if that was an accent joke, or an Asian joke?’ Mark squinted his eyes as me as I giggled, slightly taken aback by how warm his sense of humour was. I slowly forgot about my modesty as my figure melted into him, my nerves dissipating almost entirely. My thighs parted enough to let one of Mark’s knees sit between them, the contact kind and not alerting whatsoever.

‘Accent.’ I confirmed through giggles.

‘No, yeah, I’m originally from Vancouver.’ He said, sipping his drink as his accent grew thick and almost as palpable as a third person. Canada, that explained quite a lot, the awkward politeness for a start.

‘Oh, cool.’

‘Yeah, Vancouver until I was eight, and then Queens, in New York from eight until thirteen and then Ontario, Canada until I was eighteen and then, I moved here on my lonesome.’ He listed the places on his fingers, losing eye contact with me to recall all the places he had lived.

‘So, your family is still in Canada?’

‘Yeah, my parents and older brother all live over there, rest of my family is mostly in Korea, I think.’ Mark explained away as a larger picture of his life began to form in my mind. It brought a fuzzy feeling to my stomach, to think about what his childhood had been like. If he was a creative kid who sat indoors scrawling childish drawings over the walls or if he played soccer outside with his dad and brother. The more I thought about it, the wider my smile became and the more I wanted to know.

‘But you’re close?’

‘Oh yeah, don’t see them as much as I would like to but we’re close, we’ve always been really close.’

‘That’s nice.’ I smiled, thinking back to my own parents, the brother I knew nothing about. In a way, I was a bit jealous of Mark, but I also knew that I knew very little about his childhood, certainly not enough to decide whether it warranted jealousy.

‘It is.’ He smiled warmly.

‘What made you decide London?’ I enquired further, wishing to pull all the information I could.

‘Oh, well, I’ve always wanted to live in England, and London is, you know,’ he chuckled, ‘massive. I decided to go to college here after high school, so I studied music for a year and then switched to business. And then, boom, here I am working in stocks.’ Mark chuckled once more, this time dryer.

‘Just like that.’ I repeated, my fingers skimming the top of my glass. Allowing each of his words to sink in deeply.

‘Just like that. What, what about you, why London?’

‘It’s big,’ I laughed at myself, pushing fallen strands of hair from my face as my eyes kept to Mark. Watching him smile at me, his round orbs still as tender as ever. ‘Pretty much the opposite of where I grew up.’

‘You didn’t like it?’ He enquired rather curiously, his expression growing slightly more serious.

‘No, not really.’

‘Why?’

‘I just, grew up very sheltered. I hardly ever left the village,’ I explained, downplaying its actuality, ‘I had very little experience with anything, so, I kind of needed to go out on my own.’

Mark merely nodded along to my words, though eventually his eyes began to wander. Dancing from my features, down my figure until they became entranced on my forearms. Watching how the material of my jacket twisted as I leant to sip from my glass, his eyes unravelling the thing, so he could see what lingered below, if anything were still lingering

‘Mark?’ I called out to him, gazing as his head perked up and eyes returned to mine.

‘Yeah.’

‘Did you, I mean, tell anyone about the,’ I couldn’t quite bring myself to say it. Bring myself to reminisce as though it were a real thing that had happened, still I couldn’t do it. Not even as I sat with Mark at the bar, where I had been laughing and bonding with him.

‘No, no, no one.’ He assured me immediately though I could still see his eyes drawing back to my arms, wheels spinning in his head.

‘You want to ask.’ I stated plainly.

‘No,’ Mark tried to keep his eyes merely upon my face, but I could tell even when he weren’t looking down that he wanted to know, almost needed to. ‘I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.’ He insisted.

‘But you’re curious.’

‘A little.’ He said quickly, as though I would scold him for saying such a thing. Instead, I felt myself grow calmer, better about the situation now Mark seemed oddly interested in it.

‘I’ve never really spoken to anyone about it.’ I admitted, chuckling as I did so, as if to lessen the blow.

‘You don’t have to,’ Mark told me quickly, his voice a little louder, hand itching to cradle my arm. I sighed as he spoke, staring down as I placed both my hands in the centre of my lap. ‘I just,’ he sighed, ‘I want to know why? Its been picking at me all week.’

My eyes closed, another sigh bubbling in my throat as he mumbled the words into the air. I wondered if that was the only reason he had asked me out, if I had become but a side show attraction to entertain him. I hoped better of him, I didn’t want him to merely think of me as a broken toy, I wanted him to see me whole, as an equal.

‘Are you here just because of that?’ I mumbled, my question coming out frail and almost inaudible. Head facing the ground before I pushed myself to gently peer up at Mark, my eyes big and longing.

‘What? No,’ Mark answered immediately, voice angrier though it didn’t seem to be directed at me but merely my question. I felt a spur of comfortability lean back into my stomach, my eyes finding it easier to keep contact with him. ‘You intrigue me.’ He blurted.

‘What,’

‘You intrigue me.’ Mark repeated. ‘I sit at my desk and I wonder what’s going on in your head, what you’re thinking about, who you’re thinking about,’

‘Mark,’ I groaned, almost interrupting him although he hurried out the words, seemingly afraid if he stopped speaking that he wouldn’t be able to begin again.

‘I wonder about you all the time, I think about you all the time. I’ve just been too nervous to ask anything, I’m, trying to take that leap.’ He said honestly, looking down as finally he stopped speaking. As my chest pounded from the speeding rate of my heartbeat, I waited for the moment to settle. A thousand thoughts spiralling through my head as I desperately tried to catch the flying words in order to make a coherent sentence. All I could think of that made sense was that he had earned the right to know, as much as I did about why I hurt myself.

I gulped, stomach tensing as I rushed out one singular sentence. ‘I used to cut myself as a punishment.’

‘For what?’ Mark enquired calmly, leaning into me a little more. His denim covered knees prodding my inner thigh.

‘For being me,’ I shrugged, shuffling against his touch, ‘for thinking the way I did, for feeling the things I felt, for looking the way I looked. I punished myself for anything I possibly could.’

‘But?’ Mark added, eyebrows raised. I pondered over how he knew that there was more, that my reasoning had changed over the years. I questioned my features, if my expression had given it away or if Mark was now able to read my mind.

‘It stopped being that when I was about sixteen,’ I continued confessing, the words pouring from me like water seeping into a broken boat. ‘Since then, I, I don’t really know why I do it.’

‘Can I ask something? And you don’t have to answer,’ Mark told me, placing the tips of his fingers on the edge of my knee as he spoke. Nodding at me as though he were a parent warning me against danger, and watching patiently as I in turn, nodded back. ‘If it makes you uncomfortable, throw the Ribena in my face and I will leave, I’ll leave you alone.’ I wanted to beg him never to leave me alone, never.

‘Okay.’ I merely replied, giggling at I spoke.

Mark inhaled deeply, as if he were about to place devastating news upon me. Though instead, he merely asked one, fairly simple question. ‘Do you cut yourself because you get off on it?’

I couldn’t breathe, suddenly it felt like I was floating, my body adrift in the air watching the scene play out from above. I couldn’t speak, my throat was clenched and burning from the immediate thoughts that rolled through my brain. Mark was right in his assumption. I did get off on feeling the pain that harming myself brought. I’d never had anyone else to confide in, any other way to express it. Cutting myself worked, it was swift relief, and I didn’t have to tell anyone about it then. I merely convinced myself I was being punished instead of being gifted the pain I received. Mark was right, and I had no clue how he was right. For the first time since arriving in London, I felt entirely outsmarted, confused about feelings I thought I had figured out years ago. I now understood, I knew nothing about my own sexuality, my own being. I hadn’t known it had been the pain I got off on, I hadn’t known there was any other way to receive pain sexually if you weren’t inflicting on yourself. And now, someone who seemed to know that perfectly sat in front of me, and I couldn’t find my voice.

‘Let me, let me reword that,’ Mark continued after a few moments of silence, ‘do you, cut yourself because you get off on pain? Is it, that, doing that is the only way you’ve ever known to deal with it?’ Right again.

I simply nodded, still too nervous to speak although I rutted up the courage to give him a sort of response. Mark began to nod along with me as he mumbled an okay beneath his breath.

‘How did you?’ I stifled out, my curiosity getting the better of me.

‘The search history, the, well, you seemed confused about it. I tried to put two and two together.’

‘You’re not confused?’ I questioned, trying to relieve my nerves with a stiff, awkward chuckle. It bellowed into the air dry as I waited for Mark to respond, sipping my drink to soothe my throat.

‘A little, but not as much as you.’ He smiled innocently, calming my anxiousness more than my drink seemed to.

‘Thanks,’ I muttered through more chuckles, another question pouring out on the end of my laughter, ‘so, do you, as well?’ I couldn’t bare to make myself say it. Hey, do you also get off on being hurt? It sounded ridiculous and I could understand why it had taken Mark so long to ask. Though if he felt similarly, it would make sense for him to be so knowledgeable about the topic.

‘No, I,’ Mark cut himself off, though his eyes still held the glimmer of something he wanted to say. I wondered what could be so bad, worse than what I had just admitted to him. My stomach tightened as he fell to silence before beginning once more, ‘I’m normal.’

‘Normal.’ I repeated, slightly offended.

‘I didn’t mean, like that.’

‘I know,’ I said whilst smiling, ‘you’re just a wimp, what do people say? Um, vanilla, that’s it.’

Mark laughed at my words, his eyes closing as he leant his head back. When he returned to glance at me, his eyes seemed darker, pupils dilated. His head careening upward, almost cocking to the side. ‘That’s probably it.’

‘Well, as long as it’s not pee.’ I mumbled.

‘No, no,’ Mark laughed harder, more genuine this time, his voice cracking as he giggled. ‘Nothing like that.’

I merely watched him giggle until my eyes latched upon the dark sky outside, and the completely empty bar, my nerves returning. ‘It’s getting pretty late.’

‘Okay, c’mon,’ Mark pulled away from his stool suddenly, the heat from his covered legs disappearing from underneath my skirt. A groan threatened to pass my lips as Mark stood tall above my seated figure. I waited for a moment and then followed him, expecting a goodbye to slip through his mouth, instead, he added on to what he had previously said, ‘I’ll walk you home.’

We wandered through the same streets we had walked upon when Mark had first picked me up. Although now, they were completely barren of any people, and the street lights seemed dim in comparison to the brightness of the moon. The two of us giggled along to awful jokes, and fleeting recollections of childhood memories, as I tried my best to think of good occasions from my childhood. I puzzled if he would bring up the topic of masochism again, since he now knew that was what I was as now, I did too. But it seemed he wouldn’t and the closer we walked to my flat, the more disappointed I felt that he hadn’t questioned me on it further. A boil of tension unravelled in my loin, a tension that seemed it was going to stay a long while.

I stood on my doorstep once more, facing outward as Mark slowly stopped chuckling from a joke he himself had muttered five minutes prior.

‘Thank you for tonight, I had a really good time, a really, really nice time.’ I muttered through a wide smile, and rosy, aching cheeks. My cold fingers unhooking my hair from my mouth as Mark finally stopped giggling.

‘Me too.’ He grinned. ‘We should, we should do this again some time.’ I felt my chest burst at his words.

‘Definitely.’

‘I’ll see you at work on Monday?’ Mark asked uselessly, as if he were merely saying things, so he had an excuse to stay for a moment longer. My hands knotted together through jumbled fingers, my smile beaming out into the darkness of my street.

‘Of course.’ I giggled girlishly.

‘Okay, um, goodnight.’ He finally said, standing motionless but turning a fragment from me. I figured he was likely waiting until I had gone in safely but realising I had to be the one to walk away was aggravatingly painful.

‘Night.’ I mewled before turning to walk back into my flat, before saying goodbye to Mark properly. It felt like something was missing in my stomach, something that was hooked upon him like an anchor. As I unlocked my house and heard the slow footsteps of Mark wandering away, I spun on my heels and headed back toward him.

As I stood on my tip toes, I pursed my lips and pressed them to the supple complexion of Mark’s cheek. My kiss soothing out against his skin, lingering for a brief moment before I stepped back and smiled at him. Mark seemed slightly taken aback, his mouth hanging open a little, merely watching me as I began to wander from him again. Though I only got two steps before I felt a grip tense over my wounded forearm, tight enough to make me wince with pain. I stared back at Mark, allowing him to pull me closer, my chest nearly colliding with his.

We were closer than we had ever been, so close I could feel every breath he took, every hair on my body standing to attention. I knew when he looked at me that we would kiss; I may have been naïve, but I wasn’t that naïve. I wanted to grin, giddy about it but my mind clouded over with intense want for him, deep, carnal want. Mark waited until I melted into him and then lifted his hand from his own side, pressing it to my jaw. His fingertips cold from the weather, but slickly warm in their own way, as if they were dancing over my skin while remaining stationary. This close, I could see every detail of his features, the way both his eyes were hooded and covered by double eyelids but still somehow shined brighter than any star I’d ever seen. The way his shoulders seemed broader up close, the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he gulped. The way his nose had a slight bump in the bridge, his lips shining when his tongue dipped out to moisten them. I felt as though I would explode if he didn’t kiss me, and so I leant in a fragment, and waited for him to pull me the rest of the way.

Our noses touched first, his head tilting so he could consume my lips with his kiss. I not only felt it on my mouth, but on my whole body. In my thighs, in my fingertips, in the depths of my heat. My hands reached out and clasped a hold of his waist to steady myself, while Mark moved his face with his grip on my jaw. His kiss was sickeningly sweet, the tastes of Ribena and what seemed to be watermelon dancing around his mouth and subsequently mine as he dipped his tongue inward. The muscle tenderly brushing over mine, as Mark brought his other hand up to the opposite side of my face, fingertips spreading out against the flushed skin. It was when his left hand came up to hold my face that his right hand disappeared from it, the weight of his touch removing itself. Though by then, I was so entirely entranced in his kiss that all my senses had rushed to where he touched and seemingly nowhere else.

His fingers reappeared lower, skimming across the tender flesh of my outer thigh, his digits running upward. The cool air of the London street grew to feel like a sauna, my body pressed into Mark as his touch on my thigh grew to be too much. My chest bucked up into his, the tense muscles beneath his jumper flush against my breasts. All the while, his left hand continued to soothe my cheek as though he were telling me to stay calm. I couldn’t stay calm when his fingers were almost touching my underwear, my skirt riled up in the street as I kissed the most beautiful man. As my chest rose up and down violently, I felt something cold press to my ass. At first I considered it could have been merely his fingers, but it was painfully obvious after a moment that they were his keys. He had them gripped so the tip of one was pressed to my flesh, and suddenly, he was pushing down. My mouth opened against Mark, his lips pulled into a smirk that I could feel upon my chin. As a moan fluttered from my mouth, Mark continued dotting kisses over the skin of pink cheeks and a low jaw, while slowly, he pushed his keys deeper into my skin.

I felt the skin tear as the metal broke it, my flesh burning as Mark placed his mouth over mine once more. Swallowing the pathetic mewl that trailed up my throat and down his. I could still feel his smile on me, caused by the relief he was also feeling at the rush of pain I was experiencing. As I breathed deeply, Mark removed his hand from my cheek and placed it on my hip. Moving my waist into the pressure he applied over the skin on my ass, and then back into his own hips. He repeated the actions numerous times, amid his lips smothering mine, the wet flesh of his mouth like the most intoxicating of alcohols. The pain began to throb and the mix of warmth I felt from his lips on me, and our noses brushing one another made a beating begin in my loin. Moving downward until I could feel it throb in my core, moans harbouring in my throat as Mark slid the key across my skin once more. This was what I had done to myself, only now, I received warmth and comfort from it too. I felt a rush of affection stir with the pain until it concocted a mellow of euphoria, the tension in my stomach unravelling all at once.

After Mark made his fifth cut with the key, he removed it from my skin. Lips pulling back from my mouth as well, leaving me desperately untouched. He pulled my skirt back into place, both hands moving back up to my cheeks. I could feel drops of blood dashing down the backs of my thighs, staining the yellow socks that clad my legs. The sensation made me smile, watching as Mark mirrored my expression. His mouth pressing to mine one more time, a brief, genial peck that made butterflies float to my stomach. I giggled as Mark released my cheeks and pulled back from me entirely.

‘I’ll see you on Monday.’ He whispered as he had a few minutes ago only this time, it felt completely different, definite, threatening almost. His words only widened my grin as I watched him wander from my street and disappear around the corner, leaving me alone with all the sensations I had just experienced. All the things I was now assuming. That even if he didn’t know it, Mark happened to be just like me and somehow simultaneously the opposite. A sadist.

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