#i just turned 27. not super looking forward to this for the rest of my life. senior citizen šŸ‘µšŸ¤š
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moonchild-in-blue Ā· 1 month ago
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Me when I see the direct consequences of my actions:
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mirai-e-jump Ā· 1 year ago
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UTB (Up to Boy) Magazine, February 2024 Issue (Vol.334) ft. Hirakawa Yuzuki Interview and Photo Shoot (translation below)
Publication: December 22, 2023
Immovable Upside
Currently appearing in "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger," the currently airing Super Sentai series, actor Hirakawa Yuzuki-san makes her second appearance in our magazine. She's changed her hair, having it cut into a shorter style, as she presents her pure and mature duality, which has become even more transparent.
-We've been rushing through the year-
"You've cut your hair short, and your look is totally different from the last time we saw you. Personally, how do you feel about your current short hairstyle?"
Hirakawa: Before I started acting, I always kept it short, so it somehow feels nostalgic. I cut it because of my role, but I thought it was abit of a waste since it's been that long for about 5 years (laughs). Still, I think it'll be fine since it grows quickly.
"Starting from episode 27, the second chapter of King-Ohger is set two years later. We think the change in hairstyle made it easier for you to make changes in your performance."
Hirakawa: That's true. I think I'm able to show more strength. I think that after two years, they're more aware and prepared as a king, and that they have a greater sense of responsibility.
"Now that the story has progressed considerably, are there any memorable moments from the episodes that have been broadcast so far?"
Hirakawa: In episode 25, the sense of distance between Rita and their retainer Morfonia, or rather, the values of their relationship have become much closer. It was a time where Rita gathered the courage to take another step forward on their own, so that episode left quite an impression on me. From there, the way they interacted with Morfonia changed completely, so I think it was a turning point for them. Also, in episode 38, they reveal the face they've been hiding up until that point, and showed all kinds of facial expressions as an "idol," so I hope you enjoyed it.
"It's already aired, so if you haven't seen it yet, please catch up and watch itā€¦..! By the time this magazine comes out, filming for the final episode will be underway, right?"
Hirakawa: In about another month or soā€¦ā€¦"We've got such a long time before it starts!," is what I thought, but only for a moment. I think it was more instantaneous after the Summer film ended. Until then, we weren't used to filming, and everyone was in a state of just trying to figure things out. The cast members have been good friends since the beginning, but since we spent alot of time together, including during the regional promotional campaigns for the Summer film, we became even closer, and that time really flew by.
"For those who view things similarly, the "loss" seems to be intense."
Hirakawa: It might be because me and the rest of the cast are starting to become aware of the end, or maybe it's because some fans are also like, "It's coming to an endā€¦.?" I still go out to dinner with all the cast members after filming, so I think we'll still probably see each other again ever when it's over. We've been together for a year and we've gotten to know each other very well, so when I imagine the end of filming, I feel incredibly sad.
"As a fan, I'm going to miss seeing everyone's friendly conversations on Toei Channel very muchā€¦ā€¦Now, 2023 will soon come to an end, looking back, what kind of year was it?"
Hirakawa: We've really been rushing through the year. I've been working hard during the filming of King-Ohger in order to make it better and to help myself grow. I was able to experience many things this year, as there were quite a few jobs that came about as a result of King-Ohger, and it was the most thrilling year for me as a performer. Of course, there were many things I worried about, but I think it was also an extravagant year, filled with many happy and frustrating experiences.
"What kind of year do you want 2024 to be?"
Hirakawa: I think I'll be apart of King-Ohger until the first half of the year, when we perform at G-Rosso, but after that, I'll have to move forward on my own. I'd like to "polish" my inner self and become a more appealing person. As for my work, I'll do my best to continue to appear in productions without taking any breaks inbetween.
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yurisorcerer Ā· 1 year ago
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You find yourself grocery shopping and all of a sudden a french gentleman with a rapier approaches and throws one of his glove at you. "Have at thee" As you look around you, a crowd of eager onlookers have completely surrounded you two in ring made of peoples. What do you do in this situation?
I smirk. He smirks back.
"Pierre." I say. "It's been a long time."
He adjusts his cap with the tip of his sword looking very elegant and french as he does so. This, of course, is Pierre Le Franchgais, the legendary Eiffel Swordsman and one of the 27 Great Sword Lords of Europe. As one of the Great Sword Lords of North America, I am of course unable to decline his challenge, and I raise my arms to the sky, and begin the sacred chant to summon my own sword.
"Ihre Ɯbersetzungssoftware ist nicht korrekt installiert!" I intone, as black rainclouds begin gathering within the grocery store itself, and rain begins to fall, drenching the fresh produce. "Bitte kontaktieren Sie so schnell wie mƶglich einen Techniker."
In my hand, in a flash of black lightning appears the magical zweihander known as The Owl-Killing Sword, so called for its ability to slay an owl, even if the owl is at rest or sleeping. It is a blade black as the night itself, as tall as I am, and covered in glowing blue runes from a forgotten tongue once spoken by the Headbanger Giants of Nebulous-13.
"The battle is joined." I say to Pierre.
"Hon hon hon." He responds.
We step forward toward each other at almost the exact same moment, a beautifully synchronized dance of singular super-sonic motion---so super-sonic one might mistake either of us for hedgehogs at a glance---and as we pass by each other, one of us cuts the other. For a moment, no one is sure who has cut whom, but in a single midnight-black flash of thunder, and with the sound of a clap of lightning, a massive split opens on Pierre's chest. He coughs up a glob of a deep red substance. Not blood, of course, as a true Frenchman, his bodily fluids are 100% pure wine.
"Sacre bleu." He chokes out. "You have come far from our last bat-tel in the War of le Sun Lords."
I grin. It's cocky and I know it is, but when you've bested a swordsman who challenged you in a single stroke and he doesn't know that you've been fucking his wife on the regular for 3 years, it's hard not to be. Still, better to let the man die with dignity.
"You've improved too, Pierre. Don't be hard on yourself."
The crowd begins to hoot and holler at my display of vast basedness and humility, but then, Pierre grins again.
"Indeed, mademoiselleā€¦.I have!"
Suddenly, the gushing wound running up the length of his chest explodes into four nimble tentacles of pure elemental wine-energy.
"Mon dieu!" I exclaim, for there is no other response to such an overwhelming display of Frenchness.
Thinking fast, I parry the first of the wine-tentacles, but a second lashes me on the shoulder as I deflect the third and fourth with my body, diving in front of an innocent bystander who happens to be an almost ontologically sexy older woman. I grin through the pain and she swoons in gratitude.
Turning back to Pierre, I regard him with disgust. "So, you too have sold your soul to Marshall Macron and his Vested Order. What did he offer you? Just this paltry command of wineblood? Did he promise you a share of France once he's fully conquered it? WHAT DROVE YOU DOWN THIS DARK PATH, PIERRE?"
"MON CHERIE....IT WAS YOU!" He points, accusingly, in my direction, both with his finger and with one of the wine-tentacles. "I know that you have slept with Bella-Marie all these years! I know that my child is not my own! What else would drive a man to such depths? You think I care for Monsieur Macron? NON! I care only for your HEAD, on a SILVER PLATTER!"
With fury, he wraps one of his wine-tentacles around his rapier, and wildly hurls it at me. I deflect only barely by invoking my Pennsylvania Dutch Golden Finch Technique---drawing a hex sign in the air to repel the blade---but this leaves him an opening to lunge at me with all four tentacles.
He has me pinned down! I'm on the ropes! But of course, fury is its own weakness, and I invoke the Ancient Southeast Pennsylvania High School Self-Defense Stance, and knee him in the balls, which causes him to reel back in pain.
This opening is enough. I invoke my ancestors; the great Keenich Amos Amos, the witchy swordmistress Lady Iron-fig, and call out to the spirits of the Headbanger Giants of Nebulos-13. I throw my sword; it impales Pierre through the throat and vintage Brunello floods the produce section, mixing with the thund'rous rain. Disgusting; he wasn't even honorable enough to replace his blood with a French wine.
As Pierre lay defeated, many beautiful women in the crowd including but not limited to the one I saved earlier swoon over me. I have defeated one foe, but know many more battles lay ahead....
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writersmorgue Ā· 11 months ago
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Febuwhump Day 27 - left for dead
PART 1 - read this first
TWs in tags || Read on Ao3 || wc: 1,264
ā—ˆā”ā—ˆā”ā—ˆā”ā—ˆā”ā—ˆ
Shouto wakes slowly, head pounding from a blow he doesnā€™t remember taking.
He groans, hand lifting up to his head and feeling the hot stickiness there.
A meek voice calls from his left, ā€œMister?ā€
Ah great, Iā€™m hallucinating demon children.
ā€œMister Shouto?ā€
The use of his hero name lurches him forward. His eyes dart around, taking in the glass surrounding him and the fuzzy quality of the air.
Heā€™s being imprisoned here with no binds, so there must be security on the tank.
The voice on his left is coming from a small girl, she looks to be a little younger than Eri.
She smiles at him, gap teeth showing, ā€œIt said youā€™d wake up soon!ā€
Shouto smiles back, trying not to grimace.
So she spoke to someone while I was out.
ā€œWho said that?ā€ He asks calmly, scooting sideways in her direction.
She furrows her eyebrows, frowning seriously, ā€œThe tank is lined with die namide and heā€™ll turn it on if we use our quirks.ā€ She lowers her voice, mimicking who sheā€™d heard earlier, then relaxes and continues, ā€œI think he thought you were awake, because he got mad when you didnā€™t answer his question about playing games. I told him to let you out but he said itā€™s not his choice.ā€
They stare at each other. Several concerning thoughts float across Shoutoā€™s mind, one of which being the dynamite apparently surrounding him.
He nods, ā€œThank you, my friend Creati should be here soon. I think I talked to her beforeā€¦ā€ He trails off, ā€œDo you happen to know what happened before the voice talked to you?ā€
The girl hums, poking at her cheek in a way thatā€™s so reminiscent of Tsu...
ā€œI was out with sissyā€¦ and she had to go to work all fast, so she told my brother to walk with me but he got real into this game and I got bored so I walked awayā€¦ and then I was here!ā€ She blinks, smiling, ā€œThatā€™s all!ā€
ā€What does your sister do?ā€ Shouto asks, dreading what he suspects is the answer.
ā€œSheā€™s a super cool hero!! Froppy! Sheā€™s my favorite person I want to be just like her even tho ā€˜m quirkless.ā€ She huffs, smacking her lips together, ā€œAnd my head hurts.ā€
Shouto turns his focus to his own head, noticing the burning he can feel going up his sinuses.
Tsuā€™s sister was kidnapped, Tsuā€™s sister is kidnapped with Shouto, theyā€™re both likely being drugged.
Is the villain using the same dose, or an appropriate one for her size? Donā€™t say appropriate, dumbass, sheā€™s being drugged.
ā€œHey, can you tell me how many fingers Iā€™m holding up?ā€ He asks, holding his hand in a peace sign. His own vision is getting fuzzy.
She squints her eyes, ā€œMmm some? I donā€™t like that game.ā€
ā€Okay,ā€ He sighs, not exactly sure what to make of that.
ā€œDo you know my sister?ā€ She asks, bouncing lightly.
Shouto hums, confused, before the words register, ā€œOh, yeah. Sheā€™s a good friend of mine. Iā€™m sure sheā€™llā€¦ be happy to see you when we um,ā€™ He pauses taking a breath when the pain in his head flares, ā€œwhen we get out.ā€
He blinks heavily, eyes threatening to close.
You gotta hold out until Momo gets here.
ā€œI think he thought you were awake, because he got mad when you didnā€™t answer his question about playing games-
-he said itā€™s not his choice.ā€
He leans forward, cursing himself for not surveying the rest of the room sooner.
It looks like a generic room. If he could remember why the fuck he was here he would have more cluesā€¦ but as it is thereā€™s not much to go on.
A few tables and boxes, their tanks on one side of the room, a small metal T-podium.
He cranes his neck, trying to see around the podium. He can see the vague outline of two buttons on the thin bar.
Theyā€™re lit up green, probably the way out of their cells. Shouto figures thereā€™s some sort of trick to it. He needs to make sure Tsuā€™s sister makes it out first.
This gas canā€™t be good for them, but itā€™ll have much worse effects on her small body if sheā€™s submerged in it for too long.
ā€œI feel fuzzy.ā€
Yeah, youā€™ve gotta get her out of here.
ā€œHey, whatā€™s your favorite color?ā€ He asks, trying to keep her talking.
ā€œUmā€¦ yellow. I have a rock that my brother gave me, itā€™s yellow. Itā€™s my favorite rock.ā€ She says, eyes looking at him but straight through.
He tries to remember everything from remedial lessons in first year. What do kids like? ā€œYeah? Does it have a name?ā€
She makes a face, ā€œNo, why would you name a yellow rock.ā€
Damnit .
ā€œI havenā€™t drawn it a face yet. It can have a name when it has a face. Thatā€™s how it works.ā€ She says wisely, nodding to herself.
Shouto nods; That does make sense, and he tells her as much.
His ear twitches when he hears a noise down the hall.
Someone comes into view in the doorway.
ā€Mister, your friend came!ā€
Belatedly, he recognizes Momo by her uniform.
A light turns on in the corner of the room, and it isnā€™t until now that Shouto realizes how dim it had been.
Not that it helps him see.
ā€œOh, Momo. You made it.ā€ He slurs, mouth not forming the words quite correctly.
She asks him something about his quirk, which he answers. He thinks.
Heā€™s not totally sure if the things heā€™s thinking are actually coming out of his mouth. He thinks somewhere in his brain thereā€™s a part of him taking control of the situation, but he has no affiliation with that man.
ā€œ-on the leftā€ He zones back in to himself saying. The button? Right. She needs to get the girl out.
He sees the tank next to him sink in to the ground, and for one horrifying moment he thinks itā€™s taking her underground, but she pops out the top and Momo leans up to help her down.
The green glow from the panel turns red.
Good, he interpreted the message right.
Momo expresses her concern for his safety and he dismisses her.
ā€œHelp her out,ā€ He reminds her. This isnā€™t a backup mission anymore. Thereā€™s a hurt child civilian.
The girl conveniently passes out in Momoā€™s arms, but she still looks torn.
Cā€™mon Momo, remember your training.
ā€œ-I will figure something out.ā€ He waves her off, shaking his head.
This isnā€™t about him.
She calls out to him, ready to spew more concern.
He addresses her sternly, gathering the energy he can and trying to convey to her how important this is.
She seems to understand, nodding and beginning to step backwards.
He relaxes.
ā€œIā€™ll be right back, Sho.ā€ She promises him, clutching Tsuā€™s sister tightly against her chest.
He watches her retreating form and smiles, ā€œI know.ā€
He listens until he canā€™t hear her footsteps anymore and slides down the glass to the floor of the cell.
Thereā€™s a crackling noise from above him, but he canā€™t be bothered to move.
ā€œYou know.ā€ A voice says, sounding like some sort of god as it reverberates around his body, ā€œYouā€™re not going to make it until she comes back.ā€
He ignores the villain, blinking heavily, feeling his chest rise and fall as he continues to inhale his poison.
ā€œSuit yourself.ā€
Shouto breathes through the burning sensation coursing through his body. Itā€™s as if all of his cells are individually catching aflame.
He lets his mind drift away.
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dr4kenlvr Ā· 2 years ago
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šš€šš˜, šˆ'šŒ š˜šŽš”š‘š’
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ft. ran haitani, baji keisuke, hanma shuji, shinichiro sano, draken x gn!reader- fluff (1.0k+)
nana's note: been obsessed with isabel larosa's "i'm yours" and had writers block until i heard it for the first time so please take this and THANK YOU MISS LAROSA!!! happy november everyone!! ^^
warnings: use of "pretty" in ran's, reader smokes in hanma's, super vague religious talk in hanma's, shinichiro's is LOWKEY suggestive LMAOOO, also this shit is not proof red im sorry
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"i know that you love me. darling, you don't have to say it."
ran's hands grazed against your waist with a touch you could almost call ghostly. his fingers glided themselves across the expanse of your skin before he treads ahead of you in the busy streets of roppongi. tonight, he promised to take you out for some fun after his gang's business. and as everybody else was too preoccupied with their own business, you were the only one notice the smug smile he wore as he turned around. "you comin'?" he calls out, laughing as he reached for your hand. "wouldn't want to leave a pretty thing like you behind, ah?" his fingers interlocked with yours, following a familiar warmth engulfing the two of you. you gaze up at the man, a certain admiration evident in your eyes at the feeling of him so close to you. his presence spoke volumes to you, and his actions tenfold. you suppose the word "love" didn't need to be spoken out loud to be felt.
more under the cut! ;)
"nervous trip over my words, you're so pretty, it hurts."
baji's arms flexed under his white tee as he tied his hair back. blunt nails raked back the raven strands that splayed over his face during the day, and you flush at the thought of you being one of the only people to see him so late in the evening. the dull lamp light illuminates his face in a light you found oddly heavenlyā€”but you supposed that was because it was baji who was in focus. you watch as he expertly knots the tie over and around to secure his locks. you let yourself fall mesmerized with his angular features, now rid of any distracting hairs, and decide: baji keisuke was so, so pretty. his brown eyes glance at you, "what's up? something on m'face?" your eyes dart to his, already feeling a palpitation in your chest faintly ached. "n-nothing! you just, look good.. is all." you smile, and baji hopes you miss the way his exposed ears flush at your words.
"i need something more, i pray to the lord, that baby i'm yours."
in no reality, would hanma shuji consider himself a man of godā€”his vicious behaviour and callous tactics were borderline sadistic to most. he tells himself this, as hanma questions why he finds himself imploring on a higher being in this very moment: you're looking at him like he's the only person on this planet, as you sit far too close to be labelled as simply "friends". your hands rest against his thigh, as you lean forward on the cramped seat of his bike. his hand, inked with the kanji of sin travels up your back, unconsciously pulling you even closer. you breathe out, so close that hanma can feel it on his neck. his other hand lifts with a cigarette, as he takes a long drag before casually blowing the smoke out. hanma doesn't let his nonchalant facade falterā€”not even when you gesture for his cigarette, silently telling him to put it in your mouth. and when you inhale and exhale directly onto him with a lazy grin, hanma begs to any and every lord that one day, he'll be yours.
"is it too late to see you? i love the view of your headlights."
you chew your lip as you glance at the time: 11:27 PM, the fluttering bang of your chest becoming louder in your ears. you take a deep breath, 'calm down, it's only shinichiro'. suddenly, a set of lights turn the corner of your street. its lights were bright enough to make you squint, before your eyes settled on shinichiro's dark orbs through his lightly tinted windows. you grin shamelessly as he reaches over to unlock the door for you, smiling warmly when you enter his car and shut the door. the two of you converse like you always do, plain old conversation and laughter bounced around as easy as ever. but the growing presence of his hand inching towards your's was far too overwhelming. you stare at him, his eyes are focused on the roadā€”but his fingers danced their way across, faintly grazing the skin of your knuckle. your breath hitches, before you turn your palm up and interlock your fingers with his. there's a red light, and his car halts to a smooth stop,ā€”"...shinichiro?" he turns to face you, engulfing your hand tightly. "yeah, darling?" "let's go home."
"we're getting closer, inches away. lose composure, favourite mistake."
draken wipes off his sweat and grime from a day's hard work with his cloth, before drying his hands off and standing up. "ah fuck, that hunch is gonna kill me one day." he groans, stretching his arms up and over his head. you laugh, sitting off to the side of the shop as you await him to finish up. draken had promised to take you home tonight, and wouldn't let you choose otherwise because it had gotten late. "oh! ken," you stand up and jog over to him, "you missed a spot, silly." he shoots you a confused lookā€”before you gesture to his temple with a smirk. "you've got some dirt left on your head, lemme clean it for ya'" grabbing his towel, you lean up to diligently wipe away the residue, not realizing that you reduced the space between you two to practically zero. draken tilts his head, angling it to make things easier for youā€”but his eyes stay trained on your face. and when you move away, he places a large hand on your waist to stabilize you. "ken?" you gape up at him, your mind freezing and your body losing composure at the close contact. draken begins to lean in closer, his face now inches away from yours. and when you feel the soft mold of his lips against your own and the feel of his hands pushing you tightly against him, you're content with calling this your favourite mistake.
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taglist:Ā @dai-tsukki-desu @kazuhoya @gwynsapphire @sscarchiyo @reiners-milkbiddies @smileyswifeyy @bontensimp-blogĀ @thisbicc @megumisemo (send me an ask or dm to be added!)
reblogs and comments are very appreciated!
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sunlight-moonrise Ā· 4 years ago
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Sugar, Spice, and Everything (Not So) Nice (Reid Imagine)
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Summary: Being a Barista and falling for a regular is as cliche as it gets. Having that customer become your new professor? Not so much.Ā 
A/N: *Peeks head out*Ā Hello everyone. I have come back from my unannounced hiatus to show off this baby. Major thanks to @definitelynotkatesblogā€‹ and @clean-bands-dirty-storiesā€‹ for helping me put this fic together. This was written for the lovely @httpnxttā€‹ for the secret-fic-swapĀ in the Discord (thanks @imagining-in-the-marginsā€‹.) I hope you all enjoy this smutty goodness.Ā 
Category: Smut
Content Warnings:Ā Face Slapping, Degradation, Slight Hair Pulling, Oral Sex (male receiving), Fingering, Spanking, Penetrative Sex, Unprotected Sex/Creampie
Word Count: 6.4K
Masterlist
Being a barista is pretty awesome. Sure, there were bitchy customers and super early mornings but it had itā€™s redeeming perks. We got free coffee, tea, and snacks during our shifts, which served the caffeine addict in me. I also learned how to make popular lattes, mochas, and frappes that I ended up making at home for myself one too many times. While there were the occasional assholes who couldnā€™t appear human before getting their hands on some caffeine, there were the regulars who made it worth it. Most of the regulars were so sweet, I appreciated a familiar face when they came in. Some.. more than others.
ā€œHeā€™s baaaaaaaaack,ā€ my coworker Hazel whispered to me in a sing-song voice as she scribbled a customerā€™s name on a cup. I turned to see who she was talking about, but I already had an inkling about who it was.
My suspicions were correct. I turned to see one of our kindest regulars, my personal favorite customer, Dr. Spencer Reid. Is it weird to know the full name -including the honorific- of a customer? Possibly. But when Iā€™d asked for his name to write on his cup the first time he came in, he accidentally gave me his full name.Ā 
ā€œDr. Reid- uh, Spencer. Sorry, work habit.ā€ He stuttered, avoiding my eyes after the mistake.
ā€œNo worries! What can I get started for you?ā€
As a Criminology major,Ā  I learned to study the people who catch my attention before indulging them. Call it an old habit.Ā 
Dr. Spencer Reid had earned his title and then some. Heā€™d joined the FBI at only 22, having six degrees under his belt by the age of 27. Heā€™d written several dissertations and co-wrote novels with his colleague, David Rossi. Someone with his reputation could be a pompous ass and have a leg to stand on, which is what made his humbled demeanor so much sweeter. He was also incredibly easy on the eyes, which was a nice little bow on top.Ā 
Hazel liked to joke about how weā€™d make a cute couple but I know she only did it to watch me get flustered.Ā Ā 
I walked towards the counter to take his order, leaving Hazel with the task of refilling the caramel syrup. Iā€™m always the one to help him since he very aptly pointed out that Iā€™m the only one who makes his coffee just how he likes it.Ā Ā 
Some days, heā€™d let me surprise him with a random creation. Iā€™d confirm if he wanted caffeine (he always did), iced or not, and any flavor requests. Heā€™d take his drink, tip me handsomely and let me know his thoughts on the drink the next time he came in. So far, his favorite was the almond milk honey latte Iā€™d concocted. It was nice to have a little bit of fun, especially with regulars who were as consistent as him.
ā€œHey Doc, what can I get yaā€™?ā€ I asked.
ā€œThe usual, please,ā€ he said with a smile. I nodded and set off to make his drink: a venti dark roast with a shit ton of sugar, a dash of nutmeg, and a tiny bit of cinnamon.
ā€œOf course!ā€ I quickly go to fill his order, making sure to put a complimentary treat in a bag for him. I know he had the ultimate sweet tooth so I try to sneak him a confection whenever I can. At first, he was a bit reluctant to take the free pastries, but nowadays he usually smiles when he sees the small bag.Ā 
ā€œHere yaā€™ go.ā€ I handed him his steamy cup of caffeine along with the little treat, seeing him smile at the small pun I add to his cup, ā€œHave a BREW-tiful day, Doctor!ā€ I watched as his lips landed on the rim of the cup, taking a long sip of the hot coffee. His Adamā€™s apple bobbed as he swallowed, the sight making my cheeks promptly flush. I cleared my throat before asking, ā€œIs it good?ā€
ā€œItā€™s always good when you make it,ā€ he stated matter of factly, a small smile touching his lips. The heat in my cheeks rose again. ā€œWill you be taking a course this summer?ā€ he asked, taking another sip of his coffee.
ā€œYeah, Iā€™m really looking forward to it. My first day is actually later today. Iā€™m surprised the class section was open, to be honest.ā€ Super surprised actually. Iā€™d been trying to enroll in this class for the past couple of semesters but it was always full by the time I was able to even load the registration page.
ā€œWell, Iā€™ll wish you luck, but Iā€™m sure you wonā€™t need it.ā€
ā€œHow can you be so sure?ā€Ā 
ā€œI can just tell.ā€ He stated calmly, like it was common knowledge. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain. Before he could respond, an insistent cough caught both of our attention. I peeked over Spencerā€™s shoulder to see a customer waiting for his order to be taken. I turned my attention back to the Doctor, an annoyed look painted on my face. He nodded, taking a hint from the impatient mouth breather behind him.Ā 
ā€œThank you for the coffee. Enjoy the rest of your day. I hope that class goes well.ā€
ā€œBye, you too.ā€ I waved, watching as he exited the door. I turned to the waiting customer, a bit miffed that he interrupted our conversation. But because I was at work, I plastered a fake smile on my face so that he wouldnā€™t see just how annoyed I was. ā€œWelcome, how may I help you?ā€
ā—ā—ā—
After clocking out at 2:30 PM, I made a dash for the building where my class would be held. Itā€™s not supposed to start for another half-hour, but I wanted to be sure to get there in time to choose a good seat and settle in before the rest of the class arrived.
Luckily room 301 was relatively empty so I was able to score a perfect seat by the window. I decided to kill some time by listening to some music and doodling randomly in my notebook. Some time had passed when I felt someone take the seat next to me. I turned to see a young man occupying the chair beside mine. He looked to be a frat boy based on the Greek letters he was sporting. Who wears a cap and hoodie in this weather? I really hope he didnā€™t expect to cheat off of me- although these types of guys always seem to do so.
I was about to return to my doodle when I felt a poke on my shoulder. I turned to give the offender my full attention, removing one of the earbuds from my ears.Ā 
ā€œHey, Iā€™m Tony,ā€ frat boy said, with a wide smile adorning his face. I must admit, his boyish grin melted the slight annoyance I had begun to stir toward him. I returned his greeting and introduced myself as well. ā€œI donā€™t mean to be a bother,ā€ he continued, ā€œbut I like to have at least one buddy in each of my classes. In case we need help or miss an assignment or something.ā€
I nodded my head - a friend in a class was always useful when it came to studying and swapping notes. We chatted a bit more, learning about each otherā€™s major and why we both decided to take a summer course. Tony is a double major and this course will satisfy the credits he needs for his psychology requirement. This is why you shouldnā€™t judge a book by its cover.Ā 
It wasnā€™t until I heard the hush of the classroom that I realized the class was about to begin. I turned back to my notebook, preparing to jot down some important information despite it being the first day of class.
ā€œGood morning class.ā€ Wait. That voice... I didnā€™t even need to pick my head up to know who had spoken. ā€œThis is Criminal Psychology and I am your instructor, Doctor Spencer Reid. Unfortunately, Professor Monroe could not cover this course so Iā€™ll be his permanent replacement. Nowā€¦ā€
I raised my head, watching as he continued to talk about what is to be expected in this course while a TA handed out the syllabus. He went on, able to capture the attention of everyone while speaking of the experiences he had with an array of criminals. His eyes scanned the room and for a brief moment I thought they would land on me, but they continued to take in the mass amount of students before him.
My concentration was broken by Tony passing me a copy of the syllabus. I scanned it over, making sure to highlight all the important dates. I didnā€™t want any exams or projects conflicting with my work schedule. I also made note of how the overall grade system is broken down. The whole thing seems pretty fair and everything was spaced out enough where I wouldnā€™t feel too overwhelmed with the workload.
ā€œā€¦ and that pretty much wraps it up. Does anyone have any questions?ā€ I tuned in just as he was pulling the first class to a close. No one raised their hands, so he dismissed us with a reminder to read the first chapter of the textbook and to check for any emails.
ā€œSo do you want to grab lunch?ā€ Tony asked from beside me. I contemplated whether or not to go with him. He must have seen the hesitation in my face because he quickly added, ā€œNot as a date or anything, I just wanted to grab a bite and I didnā€™t want to do it alone.ā€
ā€œSure,ā€ I smiled, ā€œLet me just ask the professor a quick question about his office hours and Iā€™ll meet you at the food court.ā€
ā€œSweet, Iā€™ll see you in a bit.ā€ With that, Tony gathered his stuff and exited the back door.Ā 
I focused my attention on the podium, seeing a gaggle of girls surrounding him asking redundant questions. From what I could hear, their questions could have been answered if theyā€™d read the syllabus. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt, they were probably more focused on him rather than what he was saying during class. I waited a few more minutes for them to finish up before I made my way to him.
ā€œSo do I call you Doctor or Professor now?ā€ I laughed.Ā 
ā€œFrom you, Iā€™d respond to either,ā€ he replied warmly. The comment made me blush. If he looked into my eyes at that moment, heā€™d see more stars in them than the night sky. I bit my lip to stop the idiotic grin from spreading across my face.Ā 
Heā€™s your professor, get a hold of yourself.
ā€œHow can I help?ā€ he asked, bringing me back to the original reason as to why I was standing in front of him without a cash register between us.Ā 
I cleared my throat. ā€œUm, I was wondering if it was possible to see you outside your normal office hours? I usually work the morning shifts and I donā€™t want to flood your emails with my questions.ā€ I asked.
ā€œOf course,ā€ he said. ā€œYou can come to my office at whatever time works best for you. I know balancing a work and school schedule can be hard. Besides, Iā€™m usually there handling paperwork anyway.ā€ He gave a small shrug, pushing his hands in his pockets.Ā 
ā€œThank you so much. I look forward to the rest of the semester Professor Reid.ā€ I liked the way his newfound honorific rolled off my tongue.Ā 
ā€œGoodbye, Y/N.ā€
ā€œGoodbye, Professor.ā€ With that, I left and headed out to meet Tony.Ā 
I was able to find him at the food court. We got some food and chatted more about our classes as well as life outside of school. He made it easy to be his friend, and it was nice having someone to talk to. He works as a waiter so we shared our customer service horror stories and tales of sneaking food at work. It was a nice distraction that took my mind off of Dr. Reid and the ongoing battle of calling him Doctor or Professor. As Tony rambled, my mind wandered about other things Iā€™d like to call Spencer instead.Ā 
ā—ā—ā—
In that short span of two weeks, we already had an exam, an oral presentation, and a report on the psychoanalysis of serial killers. Not one day had been wasted, but this is what to be expected from a summer course. The essay was due the day before. Now we had to wait for our grades which gave us a moment to take a breath.
I was worried that my paper was subpar; especially since I chose to write about Andrei Chikatilo, a serial killer from Ukraine. He wasnā€™t as popular as those in America, so I ended up spending hours on deep research to find substantial information about his crimes. It also didnā€™t help that some of the original reports werenā€™t in English. I had worked hard, and hoped Professor Reid would see that, even if my writing could sometimes be a little weak. I was worried about the grade as our research papers held the weight of 20% of our final mark.Ā 
ā€œHello? Earth to Y/N! Anyone in there?ā€ Hazelā€™s voice pierced through my worry bubble, her hand waving in front of my face. I shook my head, trying to focus on restocking the coffee beans.
ā€œSorry Haze, Iā€™m thinking about this class.ā€
ā€œFunny you say that; your favorite professor just walked in. Thought you might want to take his order.ā€ She wagged her brows at me, making kissy faces as I hurried to the front register, trying my best to not let my eagerness be so glaringly obvious.
There he was, in his usual handsome glory, patiently waiting for me to take his order. He greeted me with a small smile that I happily returned.
ā€œHey Doc, what can I get you today?ā€
He debated for a moment before saying, ā€œSurprise me.ā€
ā€œGotcha.ā€ I already had an in my head; itā€™d been a while since he asked me to make him a random drink so Iā€™d had plenty of time to plan. We got an early shipment of ingredients for our fall-themed drinks and I figured he would appreciate some pumpkin spice in his caffeine. ā€œHow are the papers coming along?ā€ I asked casually as I rang him up.
ā€œPretty well. Iā€™m almost done, so youā€™ll all receive your grades later today.ā€ Wow, that was fast. I wondered if he stayed up reading all those papers to be done by today. Probably not, a TA must have helped him.
ā€œI am a bit nervous about mine, especially since itā€™s worth a huge part of our final grade.ā€ I really wanted to get an A in this course, but it was hard juggling everything in such a short amount of time.
ā€œDonā€™t worry about it too much,ā€ he reassured. ā€œI havenā€™t properly finished yours yet but it looked great just from what Iā€™ve seen thus far.ā€ His words gave me a little reassurance.
ā€œThanks. I put a lot of effort into it. Let me grab your coffee now.ā€ Spencer walked towards the pick-up station while I grabbed a venti cup for his drink. Just when I was about to make his order, I saw another familiar face come up to the register. ā€œTony, hey!ā€ I shouted, placing the cup back down, ā€œWhat can I get you?ā€Ā 
This was the first time heā€™d been here, despite him saying for the past few days that heā€™d stop by for a visit, even with the promise of a cake pop if he did. It was nice to see another familiar face.
ā€œHey coffee girl, how you doinā€™ today?ā€
ā€œJust peachy. My feet are killing me, though.ā€ Just saying the words caused the ache on the soles of my feet to spike higher. I thanked my lucky stars I was almost done with this eight-hour shift.
ā€œGive me the chance to sweep you off your feet, I promise you wonā€™t regret it.ā€ he offered boldly. It wasnā€™t the first time heā€™d joked about taking me out. I laughed, especially since he had a girlfriend. She met us for lunch one day and we became fast friends- she was an incredibly sweet and intelligent girl, polite and elegant as well. It is a wonder how his frat boy charm won her over but opposites attract, I guess.
ā€œShut up, Casanova. What are you gonna have?ā€
ā€œIā€™ll have a grande iced matcha latte, please.ā€ I shouldā€™ve known. He told me that he loves matcha flavored food and drinks the first time we grabbed lunch after class. He had complained that there was no good place to get one on campus.Ā 
ā€œComing right up.ā€ I quickly filled his order since it was faster to make compared to the pumpkin spiced latte. I handed him his bribe-cake pop, matcha flavor of course, while he waited for me to finish making his drink.
ā€œBy the way, weā€™re still studying at the library for the exam later tonight, right?ā€ Tony asked.
ā€œYup, Iā€™ll meet you at 8.ā€
ā€œCopy that, see you later coffee girl.ā€ He turned to leave while I turned to make Professor Reidā€™s order. I put extra whip cream and a bit more syrup to satiate his sweet tooth. I grabbed a fresh chocolate muffin from the display case and popped it into a bag for him as well, drawing yet another pun on the good doctors bag. ā€œThanks for being such a TEA-rrific professor!ā€
ā€œHere yaā€™ go Doc,ā€ I called out before placing his drink and muffin on the counter. I looked up to see him no longer smiling. ā€œIs everything okay?ā€
Ignoring my question, he said, ā€œI wasnā€™t aware you were so close to Mr. Montgomery.ā€
ā€œOh yeah, we study together once in a while.ā€ I could have sworn I saw his frown deepen before his features became void of any emotions. He shifted his eyes downward, his hand moving rapidly to grab the cup.
ā€œI should get going.ā€
ā€œOh, okayā€ Before I could say goodbye, he was already halfway out the door.Ā 
That was weird. I looked at the counter and noticed that he left the cupcake behind. Maybe he was in a rush?
I shook my head. I needed to concentrate on making it through the last couple of hours of work.Ā 
ā—ā—ā—
I made my way to the classroom, smiling at Tony as he pulled out my seat for me. Professor Reid walked in a few minutes later, his tall figure drawing all the attention to the center of the small stage. He let us know he already graded the papers and that they would be distributed by the TA before the end of class. I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach but decided to brush it off and pay attention in class. Despite my attempts to focus on his lecture, I found my mind wandering every so often anyway.
I couldnā€™t help but think he was less animated today. Usually, he taught with such passion that the class couldnā€™t take their eyes off him. But today, it felt as if we were all in a boring seminar with an ancient professor. Tony kept glancing at the clock, probably also wondering why time felt like it was going by so slowly.Ā 
I couldnā€™t shake the unsettled feeling the entire class. It didnā€™t help matters that every time I would raise my hand to answer a question, he would call on another student. What the hell did I do?Ā 
I decided to tune out the rest of the class. There is no point in being an actively engaged student if I wasnā€™t going to get treated like one. Iā€™d just get the notes from Tony later.
Thirty minutes before the end of class, the TA handed out our essays while Professor Reid wrapped.Ā 
ā€œSome of you did very well, while a few others struggled with the assignment.ā€ His eyes landed on mine as he said that. It was the first time he had glanced in my direction the whole class. He moved on to the other side of the room. My mind was probably just playing tricks on me. ā€œIf you have any questions you can see me at my office hours next week or send me an email. You are dismissed.ā€
The TA finally made his way over to me, handing my essay in a slight fold. I looked at the grade on top and almost dropped the paper. My heart sped up as I stared at the letter in bright red ink. No way, no way this could be my report. I looked at the right-hand corner and saw my name at the top. I read through the first page and saw they were indeed my words.
How the fuck was it possible that I got a D on this paper? I knew my writing wasnā€™t the strongest, but a D?Ā 
ā€œHow youā€™d do?ā€ Tony asked. For a moment I forgot I was in a room with other people.
I cleared my throat, trying to relive the lump so that he didnā€™t hear the croak in my voice. ā€œUmm, not what I expected. Iā€™m going to try to speak to him about it.ā€ Tony was a smart kid, so I was sure he could see how tense I was. Luckily he didnā€™t question me any further and instead told me heā€™d text me later before leaving the classroom.
Fortunately, there were no other students in the classroom to slow me down this time. I walked right up to the podium, watching as Professor Reid placed some papers in his satchel.Ā 
ā€œProfessor, I need to speak with you.ā€
ā€œNot now, Iā€™m busy,ā€ he replied, not even bothering to glance in my direction. This canā€™t be real. The sweet, kind Doc could not be the man acting like a total asshole right now.
ā€œI really need to discuss with you my paper,ā€ I pressed, raising my voice a little louder in an attempt to get his attention. That was wishful thinking on my part since he continued to fiddle with his satchel.
ā€œI said Iā€™m busy,ā€ he uttered once again, his voice void of any emotion. He was about to walk past me, ignoring my whole being. His blatant disregard made my cheeks burn, and not in the usual way they usually did when I was around him.
ā€œSpencer,ā€ I barked, ā€œWe need to talk. Now.ā€ For a few moments, he stood in front of me, his back facing my direction.
I was about to speak again before I heard him say, ā€œMy office. Half an hour.ā€ He exited, leaving me alone in an empty classroom. The only things keeping me company were the fuming feelings swirling inside me and the failed paper clutched at my fist.Ā 
ā—ā—ā—
I knocked on his office door ten minutes earlier than heā€™d told me. The anger in my gut brewed hotter the longer I waited. As soon as I heard a ā€œCome in,ā€ I rushed through the door, slamming it behind me. He regarded me coolly, but didnā€™t comment on my actions.Ā 
ā€œWhat can I do for you Ms. (Y/L/N)?ā€ I walked up to his large desk, not bothering to take a seat in the chair in front of me. I took a moment to calm myself down before replying.
ā€œWell, you can start by explaining to me why I got such a low score on my paper.ā€ I guess he didnā€™t like being the only one of us sitting down because he stood up and leaned against the wall behind him.
ā€œIt did not meet the requirements for a passing grade as outlined in the rubric. The information given was boring and the overall topic was uninteresting. It was tedious to get through,ā€ he responded nonchalantly, like he was giving me a weather report.Ā Ā 
ā€œYou said that you enjoyed it so far.ā€ I rebutted, placing my hands on the desk. I needed something to offer me stability so that I wasnā€™t visibly shaking.Ā Ā 
ā€œIā€™d mistaken your work for another studentā€™s. Maybe Mr. Montgomery,ā€ he dryly clipped.
A bitter laugh escaped me as I put the puzzle together. Was- was he serious? Was this man acting like this because of Tony? The audacity! The laugh that bubbled from my lips must have unsettled him. He left his position from the wall in favor of standing in front of me.
ā€œYou want to know what I think?ā€ I didnā€™t give him a chance to respond before continuing, ā€œI think youā€™re jealous that I have another guy that isnā€™t you getting friendly with me at the shop and because of your inability to keep your---ā€œ
ā€œThat is enough,ā€ he grounded out, shaking his head. But I didnā€™t stop talking.
ā€œ--private feelings away from your professional ones, you decided to give me a failing grade. Do you know how hard I worked in-ā€ my voice rose up higher and higher until I was yelling.
ā€œI said thatā€™s enough,ā€ he said again, louder this time. But I wasnā€™t done.
ā€œ-this class? This is my life, my fucking future on the line. Iā€™ve told you how important this all is to me and you donā€™t even give a shit! Youā€™re going to let your interpretation of my relationship with another student influence the way you do your job? And here I thought you were a decent man, Professor.ā€ I hissed,Ā ā€œDo you even give a damn abo-ā€
ā€œEnough,ā€ he roared, slamming his hands on the desk and caging me against the wood. His breathing was matching the upbeat pace of my own. His quick movement and the sheer volume of his voice caught me off guard, effectively silencing me.Ā 
ā€œI donā€™t deserve to be punished over your envy,ā€ I whispered, locking eyes with him in a steady gaze.
ā€œYou want to see a real punishment, darling?ā€ he hissed, the heat of his words almost breaking my glare, his breath fanning along my face.
We stared at one another for a while, neither of us willing to be the first to back down. The tension between us kept rising and rising until the inevitable happened. I couldnā€™t be sure who made the first move but before I knew it, our lips collided with a mix of rage and desperation. My arms draped around his neck as he pressed me on to the desk. He placed his hands on the back of my thighs, lifting me up high enough until I was perched on the cool wooden surface.
Spencerā€™s lips were soft, a stark contrast to the harsh way he was kissing me. His tongue parted my lips, gliding over mine with fervor. I couldnā€™t help but moan as he rolled his hips into me. He continued his rough grind, keeping my legs open as we moved as close together as our bodies would allow. He overwhelmed my senses- the smell of him, the taste of him, the feel of him. Everything was making me absolutely feral for this man.Ā 
I never expected the gentle Dr. Reid to be so fervent, so sensual. The kindhearted, sweet professor who regularly drank his weight in caffeine never gave me this impression. But then again, Iā€™m sure he was shocked by my attitude as well. He knew me as the friendly, bubbly barista, now student, who enjoyed his class. He was about to meet a whole new side of me, just like I was going to for him.
Spencer pulled away from me, our mouths making an audible ā€˜popā€™ sound from the sudden separation. I tried to catch my breath as he stared at me, our chests rising and falling together. If I were to move a bit closer to him, we would be touching once again.
He took a few steps back before motioning me to step in front of him. ā€œI want you to get down on your knees. Now.ā€ I wasnā€™t going to argue with him, mainly because I wanted the exact same thing he did. I kneeled down, keeping my eyes on his face.
ā€œYou going to shut me up, Professor?ā€ I teased, feeling powerful, even though he was looming over me. He didnā€™t reply, just continued to look down on me with those honey colored eyes- full of lust and rage.
I watched as he slowly placed his hands on his slacks, undoing the belt and buttons. He drew down his pants and boxers at the same time, just low enough to reveal his impressive size. My mouth salivated at the sight of his bulge as he came closer to me.
ā€œWeā€™re going to put that smart mouth to better use. Open.ā€ He said, gripping my face between his fingers, forcing me to follow his orders. I opened my mouth slightly, not giving him exactly what he wanted. Instead of ordering my mouth to open further like I expected, he placed his thumb inside. He pushed the digit deep, pressing it against my tongue. I moaned around the finger, softly nibbling at the skin. He continued to slide his finger within my mouth before dragging it out completely. He wiped the excess spit on my cheek before lightly smacking it. The small shock of pain sent a shiver down my spine.
ā€œOpen, and do it right this time.ā€
I obeyed, opening wide enough to accept him into my mouth. My lips were stretched almost uncomfortably in an attempt to fit around him. He was so hot and thick, I couldnā€™t help but hum at the taste of him on my tongue. The soft ā€œfuckā€ that fell from his lips had me purring around him. I went to place my hands on the remaining portion that couldnā€™t fit, but he batted them away.
ā€œYouā€™re using only your mouth.ā€Ā 
Fine, have it your way, Sir.Ā 
I placed my hands behind me as I bobbed my head, hallowing my cheeks with every rise. His shallow thrusts encouraged me to suck harder. I slowly pulled away to run my tongue against the vein protruding on the underside of his cock. I was rewarded with a groan escaping his lips.
ā€œI should have known that you would be so good at this, darling,ā€ he said, his voice slightly hoarse as he tried to control his grunts.
I made sure to look in his eyes as I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock. The face he made was purely angelic. The muscles of his neck protruded more evidently and his breathing became more labored. I placed him back in my mouth, this time taking my time to go down on him.
ā€œThatā€™s right, Princess. Show me what a good girl you are for me.ā€ He moaned as I felt his hands weave in my hair before he pushed my head down on to him, causing me to gag around him, tears pricking my eyes. He continued his thrusts into my mouth, barely allowing me a chance to breathe. My nose repeatedly touched the base of him as I swallowed around his hard length.
Spencer tightened his fingers in my hair and I knew he wasnā€™t going to last much longer.Ā  The pace was brutal, but I enjoyed the rough treatment. Knowing that I was the one making him feel good was such a turn on. He buried himself deep in my throat after a few more thrusts to finish. I swallowed his release like the greedy brat that we both now knew I was.
He eventually pulled out, a satisfied sigh leaving his lips. I swiped the back off my hand across my mouth to clean off any leftover spit and cum.
ā€œGet up,ā€ he ordered, his voice hoarse.
I did so, rubbing the ache in my knees as I slowly rose. ā€œI want you bent over the desk,ā€ he continued.
ā€œI want you to answer my previous question.ā€ I quipped.
ā€œYouā€™re not in the position to be making commands,ā€ he growled. He wrapped his fingers in my hair again, pulling just roughly enough so that I was looking up at his face. ā€œIf you want this to end well for you, I suggest bending over my desk before I stuff my cock in that bratty little mouth of yours again.ā€
He released me, eyes still on my face waiting for me to follow through on his order. I turned to his desk and did as he asked, bending over the wood until my chest laid flat against the surface. I waited as patiently as I could for him. It felt as if I was in this position for an eternity before he touched me. He pushed both my underwear and skirt down to my knees before placing his hands on my hips. I heard it before I felt it- the smack on my ass that caused me to yelp.
ā€œFuck, Spencer. What theā€”ā€ I was cut off with another resounding smack.
ā€œDid you really think that I wasnā€™t going to give you a real punishment, darling?ā€ I took a deep breath as another shiver went down my spine. He had no business sounding so hot right now. Another smack, this time on my opposite cheek, had me biting down on my lip to stop myself from crying out.
ā€œThisā€ *SMACK* ā€œIsā€ *SMACK* ā€œWhatā€ *SMACK* ā€œHappensā€ *SMACK* ā€œToā€ *SMACK* ā€œBrattyā€ *SMACK* ā€œLittleā€ *SMACK* ā€œGirlsā€ *SMACK*. A sob ripped from my chest as the last blow landed. My ass was on fire and surely littered with his hand prints.
ā€œYouā€™re lucky Iā€™m in a good mood since you sucked me off so nicely, or I would have made that worse.ā€
Gee, thanks.
ā€œYou look like such a dirty slut like this.ā€ I felt a finger enter me easily, the wetness gathered there making my entrance ready to take him. ā€œSo wet. Was it the spanking that got you like this, or your mouth around my cock?ā€ A moan was my only reply as he added another finger, the two digits moving in a scissoring motion.Ā 
ā€œAre you gonna be my sweet girl, now?ā€ He asked as I moved my hips along his fingers, desperately trying to seek some more relief for the fire burning between my thighs as his mouth littered marks along my thighs. I closed my eyes, focusing on the pleasure he was giving me as he curled his fingers, a slow moan falling from my lips. He pulled them out of me, wiping the slickness against my still burning ass. Fucking bastard. I wiggled my hips against him, hoping he would grant me a reprieve and put his fingers back inside me. Instead, he spanked my ass one more time- one quick, sharp blow against the bruised cheek.
Just when I was about to yell at him, he placed the head of his member against my entrance. He moved up and down my drenched entrance before penetrating me in one full thrust. I took a short breath in, trying to get used to feeling so full. He was stretching me out in the most amazing way.
Spencer waited until I was grinding against him before he pulled out and pushed back into me. ā€œLook at you, such a wanton little bitch arenā€™t you?ā€ He could call me whatever he wanted, as long as he didnā€™t stop fucking me.
He kept a steady pace, making sure to grind into me every time he slammed back in. The obscene sound of our skin smacking against one anotherā€™s and the moans escaping our throats was an erotic symphony that had my body heat raising the temperature in the room.
He hitched my leg on top of the desk, entering in an angle that made the pleasure so much better. I couldnā€™t stop the whines that kept escaping my mouth every time he pounded into me. His hand stayed upon my leg, holding me down and limiting my movements. His nails dug into the skin so harshly I was sure there would be bruises left in their wake.Ā Ā 
ā€œFuck, you feel so good wrapped around me,ā€ he hissed under his breath. ā€œShould have known you just needed to be fucked like the cheap whore you are.ā€ He sped up, hips snapping at an almost punishing pace. The desk creaked every time he slammed into me. I hoped no one was nearby to hear what was going on. A whine left my throat when I felt his fingers rub against my clit. I was so close now.
ā€œShould I stay inside you? Fill you up so you walk around campus carrying my child?ā€ He growls, his pace increasing with each passing moment. ā€œKnock you up so the whole campus knows what a whore you are for me?ā€ He asks, earning a cry ripped from my throat.Ā 
ā€œWhoā€™s fucking you?ā€ he grunted. I donā€™t know how he expected me to form a coherent statement at this current moment. My eyes could barely stay open at this point.Ā 
ā€œSpencer, please.ā€ He smacked the outside of my thigh.
ā€œTry again, whoā€™s fucking you?ā€Ā 
ā€œYou are, Doctor.ā€ Apparently, that was the wrong answer too, because it earned me another smack on my thigh. I had tears streaming down my face from the pleasurable pain he was giving me.
ā€œYou have one more chance or else Iā€™m not letting you come. Now,Ā whoā€™s is fucking you?ā€
ā€œProfessor Reid!ā€ I cried out.
ā€œThatā€™s right darling. Now come on my cock.ā€ A harsh bite on my neck was the ultimate push that had me seeing stars. Spencer thrusted a few more times before fully sheathing himself within me.
He slumped over me, the feel of his breath against my neck causing me to shiver once more. We took a moment to have the high leave our body before he pulled out of me, a gasp leaving the both of us. Spencer was the first to break the silence between us.
ā€œWould you like to have dinner with me?ā€ he asked, his voice a bit shy.Ā 
I giggled at his demeanor. A few moments ago, he was fucking me senseless and spanking me over his desk like a porno, and now he was asking me out to dinner.Ā 
ā€œAbsolutely,ā€ I smiled. ā€œBut I should probably cancel my study plans.ā€ I quickly added.Ā 
He led me to the faculty bathroom so I could freshen myself up. When I emerged, he was back to being the prim and proper professor I knew him to be. Just before we left his office, he leaned down and whispered, ā€œBy the way, you got an A.ā€
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megumisbimbo Ā· 4 years ago
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Y/N (27) Athletic Trainer*
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Ushijima x fem!reader
warnings: fluff, smut, little bit of oral
word count: 1.7k
minors dni please!!
all characters are aged up! (timeskip! ushijima)
a/n: this is my first smut so please be kind HAKDJ
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Ushijimaā€™s blunt manner could be seen as frustrating and at times, annoying. But you couldnā€™t help but appreciate the way he would simply tell it like it is. Like right now.
ā€œI know this is sudden, but Iā€™m interested in you y/n. Would you allow me to take you to dinner?ā€
Your heart races as you stare into the eyes of one of Japanā€™s greatest athletes. You were just a lowly athletic trainer, working under the equally as entrancing, Iwaizumi Hajime. Your hands are clammy as they clutch the clipboard thatā€™s pressed against your chest. You had no clue this man had any kind of interest in you, you just worked for him. After all the interactions, the trainings, attending to his injuries, and basically being his personal trainer, he eventually caught feelings.
ā€œOh um- sure Ushijima-san, I would love to join you for dinner.ā€
You couldnā€™t lie, the thought of going out with such a prestigious and revered man sounded amazing, and itā€™s not like his feelings werenā€™t reciprocated. Youā€™ve had eyes for Ushijima ever since Iwaizumi-san assigned you to him. Itā€™s truly a dream come true that he developed feelings for you, and you were not going to pass this opportunity up.
ā€œIā€™ll pick you up around 6 then.ā€ He says, face straight and confident.
Your voice is caught in the back of your throat, but you manage to muster out a quick ā€œsure.ā€
You race home eager to doll yourself up for the occasion. You finally had a date with the one guy that made you feel like more than just an employee. He was always so attentive. Constantly caring about how you were doing. He would greet you without fail, even if you werenā€™t working with him that day. Iwaizumi seemed to notice as well, always poking fun at the thought of losing ā€œhis best trainerā€ to a ā€œvery handsome, and very interested man.ā€ You brushed off his teases, denying any sort of feeling for the ace. Deep down you knew your feelings. How your face felt 100 times hotter when he stood next to you, and how hard it was to keep your composure when you tended to his injuries. You were a mess around him and it was a miracle you were able to keep your job for this long. But not anymore. You didnā€™t need to hold back any longer.
You had picked out the perfect dress, not too fancy but not super casual either. It hugged your body in exactly the right ways, and showed off your assets a bit more than you wanted it to, but you couldnā€™t complain.
A knock at your door startles you. You quickly grab your purse and phone and run to go answer it. Youā€™re met with the sight of Ushijimaā€™s tall, stocky body leaning against the side of the entrance of your apartment. His olive eyes rake up and down your body taking in your perfect features.
ā€œYou look beautiful y/n, as usual.ā€
You blush heavily at his comment and curse the gods for making him so damn blunt.
ā€œYou look wonderful as well.ā€ You say, your voice barely audible. You donā€™t see the slight blush that creeps across his tan skin. He takes you to his car and drives you back to his penthouse. He was rich of course, but you already knew that. This was not the first time youā€™ve seen his home, many meetings between the two of you were conducted in his home office. You never felt unsafe or out of place with him, so you were quite comfortable going to his house for various reasons. Although this time, the reasoning was a bit more...intimate. He pulls into the garage and leads you up to his place, which he has minimally decorated.
ā€œI hope you donā€™t mind that itā€™s at my place, I couldnā€™t seem to find any reservations at the restaurant you like.ā€
ā€œNo! of course I donā€™t mind, Iā€™m honestly glad you invited me at all.ā€ You say, your voice once again trailing to a whisper. You were surprised he remembered what your favorite restaurant was, and that he would go out of his way to find reservations.
ā€œYouā€™re awfully quiet today y/n, thatā€™s not like you. Am I making you uncomfortable in any way?ā€
ā€œNot at all Ushijima-san! I just...havenā€™t been out on a date in a while and Iā€™m not quite sure what to expect.ā€ You answer, instantly feeling bad for leading him to feel this way.
ā€œThatā€™s a relief, I am pretty nervous myself. I also havenā€™t taken someone out in a while, but rest assured I will take good care of you tonight.ā€ He says, his usually hard and focused eyes softening at the sight of your shaking hands. Your demeanor immediately changes and youā€™re back to how you usually feel around him, safe and protected.
The dinner goes smoothly. Ushijima insisted on cooking for the two of you, and the sight of him being so domestic definitely made it harder to hide your feelings for him but it was over sooner than you had hoped. He politely walks you to the door, but as soon as your hand makes contact with the handle and the door opens slightly, something in him snaps. His large hand slams against the door closing it abruptly.
ā€œForgive me for being so forward y/n...but I donā€™t want you to go just yet.ā€
His opposite hand rests on your waist as his lips attach to your exposed shoulder. His kisses were light and feathery, leaving a hot trail in its wake. Your body felt like it was on fire and you could feel the arousal pooling in your thin lace panties. You turn yourself around and grab onto the collar of his white dress shirt, pulling him flush against your body. Your lips smash against his and your tongues intertwine as his hand trails down the curve of your ass down to your thigh lifting your leg. You instinctively wrap your leg around him as he leans down to grab your the other one. He carries you into his room, and lays you down on his bed. The soft silk sheets he uses only add to the arousal as they crease slightly under your tight grip.
ā€œy/n, can I take your dress off?ā€ He asks, panting heavily.
ā€œPlease...ā€
He carefully removes your dress, his fingertips trailing down your body as his lips press sweet kisses across your chest.
ā€œYou have no idea what you do to me y/n. Can I take your panties off? Let me make you feel good.ā€
Your body gets impossibly hotter at how careful and considerate he is.
ā€œPlease Ushijima-san..take it all off..ā€
He obliges, pulling them down and off your body then reaching around your arched back to snap off your bra, throwing them both on the floor. He stops, giving himself a moment to take in your fully exposed body before he buries his face into your neck.
ā€œYouā€™re so fucking beautiful.ā€ He says as his thumb slowly circles your clit.
ā€œGonna make you feel so good.ā€
You moan loudly, your hands finding purchase in his olive locks. You tug slightly, eliciting a soft groan from him. His face is red and flushed, embarrassed at the sounds he was making.
ā€œI like your sounds Toshi...mmm donā€™t stop.ā€
He moans at the use of his first name, loving the way it sounds coming out of your mouth.
He slips a finger into your sopping wet entrance. You moan from the slight stretch. Noticing that he was still clothed, you reach out and unbutton his dress shirt. Your hands trial down his chest, finding the buckle of his belt and skillfully undoing it. He shakes his shirt off, letting it drop on the floor next to yours, his pants finding themselves in the same place. He inserts his finger into you again, accompanied by a second, and then a third. The knot builds in your stomach and threatens to snap.
ā€œhngg- Toshi...more- please more!ā€
His quickens his movements pulling you closer to your release. In between moans and cries of his name, you come undone. He slips his slicked fingers into his mouth tasting your sweet release.
ā€œYou taste so good y/n...here taste with me.ā€
He reaches up and sticks one in your mouth and you diligently suck, tasting yourself mixed with his hot saliva. He pulls his fingers out, making a lewd popping sound.
He pulls his black boxers down and throws them in the clothing pile, his erect cock springing free. He lines himself up with your entrance and leans forward to kiss you.
ā€œTell me if it hurts. Iā€™ll make you feel so good angel I promise.ā€
He pushes himself inside slowly, paying close attention to your body language and the way you squirm under him.
ā€œmmm ā€˜s big Toshi- feels so good.ā€
ā€œYeah? Tell me how good you feel pretty girl.ā€
ā€œFeel so full- ughhā€
You moan and squirm as you feel the knot tighten a second time. His thrusts are slow and gentle, every move targeted towards your pleasure.
ā€œFuck Toshi- ā€˜m coming- hnggā€
ā€œCome for me y/n. Wanna feel you around my cock.ā€
His lewd words send you tumbling over the edge and towards your release. He pulls out giving himself a few quick strokes, his release soon covering your lower stomach.
He falls next to you, sweating and out of breath. You turn and cup his cheek in your hand.
ā€œThank you Toshi, youā€™re always so good to me...wanna make you feel good too...ā€
He chuckles, ā€œNext time you can, but for now letā€™s sleep. Stay with me tonight?ā€
ā€œOf course.ā€ You respond, your cheeks starting to hurt from smiling so much.
After a few moments of catching his breath and stealing a few kisses, he climbs out of bed and grabs a warm, damp towel. He gently wipes your sore body down, massaging your aching hips in between. He pulls the sheet up and over your body and climbs into the bed next to you.
ā€œGoodnight beautiful.ā€ He says, softly pecking your lips.
ā€œGoodnight Wakatoshi.ā€
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<3
326 notes Ā· View notes
colorseeingchick Ā· 4 years ago
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Period Pains (Iwa, Suna, Bokuto)
Periods still stuck. Nothing has changed since part one. But these boys continue to comfort me when I feel like my heart, head, and stomach are going to explode :D. I hope they comfort you too!
A/N: Itā€™s been rough homies. It really do be your own body that tries to attack you -_-.Ā 
Warnings: EMETOPHOBIA (in Sunaā€™s thereā€™s a semi detailed description of vomiting); swearing; foot massage in Bokutoā€™s (Ik that makes some people uncomfy); gym bros.Ā 
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Iwaizumi Hajime
It was common knowledge that you and Iwaizumi were two halves of one insane power couple.Ā 
No questions asked, you both were generally independent when it came to taking care of your own matters, and you were both were pretty independent.Ā 
But there were exceptions- moments where you would both lean on each other, using the other as an anchor and a crutch to get back up and stay on your feet.Ā 
Your period was one of those times when times you needed your beloved boyfriend to play that role.Ā 
Today was one of those days.Ā 
You and Iwaizumi head over to the gym at around 6 am to get your early morning workout in before you go through with the rest of your day.
You had told Iwaizumi the night before, and he asked if you still wanted to ā€œgo gymā€ the next morning.Ā 
You said yes, hoping that a solid workout would help with some of the cramps.Ā 
And once you had got there, you had your hopes up.Ā 
The first half of your workout was going really well, and you hadnā€™t thought of your cramps at all.Ā 
But then it hit you while you were walking over to get your water bottle.Ā 
You didnā€™t know why, but the cramps hit you hard. Instantly you went to the bathroom to try and compose yourself, but that wasnā€™t really helping either.Ā 
You didnā€™t wanna bother Iwaizumi mid workout, so you tried to carry on.Ā 
Unfortunately, that didnā€™t work out too well.Ā 
As you tried to keep going, the cramps in your stomach got worse and worse, until you were pressing your stomach with your hands, curled over yourself on your yoga mat.Ā 
Taking deep breaths, you tried to relieve the only worsening cramps.Ā 
It wasnā€™t until a warm, firm hand caressed your back did you look up from your curled up form.Ā 
ā€œ1 to 10.ā€ Iwaizumi asks you with a soft voice.Ā 
ā€œ4.ā€ You say as you curl into yourself once more.Ā 
It was the pain ranking system that youā€™d both been using since early on in your relationship. You knew exactly what he meant, and you were honestly thankful that he understood you were in pain by just looking at you.Ā 
ā€œLying to me doesnā€™t do any good, ya know.ā€ His words are harsh, yet the concern in his voice kills any intimidation that was supposed to come across.Ā 
ā€œ7.ā€Ā 
ā€œSounds right.ā€ Iwaā€™s one arm wraps around you, digging into your side, his thumb massaging circles into the spot right above your left hip, while the other hand rubbed softer circles onto your lower belly.Ā 
You felt your muscles untense as his hands worked away at your cramping stomach with deep pressure only he had the strength to apply.Ā 
ā€œWhatā€™s wrong with her?''Ā 
Both of you look up to see some guy (he seemed like a newbie, neither of you had seen him before) talking to your boyfriend.Ā 
ā€œWhat.ā€ Iwaā€™s voice is dry, in shock at the fact that this dude was in your business.Ā 
ā€œDid she injure herself working out or something?ā€ He asks, as if you were incapable of speaking for yourself. ā€œNot being careful in the gym can be really dangerous, especially if youā€™re not trained.ā€ He speaks in your direction this time.Ā 
Iwaizumi Hajime (27) ATHLETIC TRAINER, now looked like he was ready to commit murder.Ā 
Some of the regulars had now turned to watch, most giving the guy dirty looks.
A couple of you and Iwaā€™s closer gym bros step towards you both, making some preparations for Iwaizumi to swing.Ā 
But before anyone can really say anything, your voice cuts through.Ā 
ā€œThatā€™s real rich coming from you. The only thing thatā€™s gonna cause an injury is your horrendous deadlift form.ā€Ā 
Your boyfriend goes from a state of shock into a fit of snickers, the guys on the side also amused. The guy in front of you goes completely red.Ā 
ā€œYou donā€™t know what youā€™re talking about you bi-ā€Ā 
ā€œI actually think sheā€™s right. I was a bit worried, too.ā€ One of Iwaā€™s (very buff) friends stepped forward, smiling at you two before putting a hand a on the newbieā€™s shoulder. ā€œLetā€™s go check it out.ā€
As you sigh out, your boyfriend stares at you with pride and amusement both bright in his eyes. ā€œAll that pain and youā€™re still able to come up with snarky comments.ā€Ā 
As his hand returns to soothing circular motions, you dig your face into his chest.Ā 
The soft touches from Iwa were enough to ease your pains, and allowed you to embrace your moment of vulnerability with your sweet boyfriend.Ā 
ā€œLetā€™s dip and get food, okay? And you can just rest at home. You deserve a break.ā€
ā€œWerenā€™t you saying something about how the grind doesnā€™t stop-ā€
ā€œIt stops when your health is on the line. Letā€™s go.ā€
Suna Rintarou
When it comes to you being on your period, Suna is by far the most hands off while simultaneously being the most attentive.Ā 
Suna wasnā€™t necessarily the biggest on PDA. But when it was just you two? He had no problem being all up against you.
The only situation Suna does not know how to navigate is when he canā€™t read someoneā€™s moods or behaviors. Luckily for him, you were overly clear with his emotions and needs when you were on your period, even if those moods and needs were all over the place.Ā 
Early on, when you got together, he was a bit surprised to see how bad your period could get.
Heā€™d walked in to your room one day to see you in a fetal position, rolling around on the floor.
Heā€™d seen you go a full day of eating only junk food, upset and trying to satiate all your cravings.Ā 
Heā€™d also seen you go without sleep because of how bad your cramps were.
Essentially, heā€™d learned youā€™d go through really bad health habits, and heā€™d assigned himself the roll of trying to make sure you maintained some regularity while on your period.Ā 
He was ready for anything, so ready that he made it look effortless.Ā 
When Suna came back from practice one day, he couldn't find you anywhere in your shared home. Which isnā€™t a problem, but he doesnā€™t recall you saying you were going anywhere....
Itā€™s not till he lazily stalks over to the hallway and hears a horrible retching sound that he realizes you are still home.Ā 
Swinging the door open, he finds you perched over the toilet, vomiting in what looks to be a super painful manner.Ā 
ā€œRin...ta...r-oh fuckā€ you can barely get his name out before you start throwing up again.Ā 
Your boyfriend takes a step into the bathroom, but you toss an intense ā€˜noā€™ his way with your hand.Ā 
ā€œIt smells disgustingā€¦ andā€¦ I donā€™t want to be smothered right nowā€¦ā€ you sigh as you breathe between your bouts of vomiting.Ā 
He takes a deep breath, recomposing himself. He knows your period can get pretty bad, but he hasnā€™t seen it get this bad in a while. He obliges, but he doesnā€™t move from the doorway.Ā 
As you start your next fit, Sunaā€™s face remains blank, but his heart twists.Ā 
He slowly approaches you, kneeling beside you.Ā 
ā€œI said to not.. To smother me....ā€ your protest is weakened by your body inhibiting your ability to speak.Ā 
Suna keeps a bit of space between you two, but he gently grabs your hair, pulling strand by strand, until its completely out of your faceĀ 
(alternatively, if you have short hair), Suna keeps a bit of space between you two, but he lets his hand gently rest on your back, rubbing in soothing circles .Ā 
Your hand goes up to push him away, but he grabs your fist with his larger hand, weaving his fingers with yours, rubbing his thumb into the back of your hand.Ā 
ā€œI wonā€™t smother, donā€™t worry. But Iā€™m gonna be here.ā€ Heā€™s soft in his tone, unfazed despite the relative unpleasantness of the situation.Ā 
As you finally stop, you fall back, your hands covering your eyes.Ā 
As you lean back, your body giving out, your head finds its way onto the plush chest of your green eyed boyfriend. He doesnā€™t touch you, but just acts as a makeshift couch for you to lean on.Ā 
ā€œRintarou.ā€ ā€œ
Yeah?ā€Ā 
ā€œI need your touch.ā€Ā 
Your words are blunt but effortlessly received as your boyfriend instinctively wraps his arms around you, languidly stroking your thigh with one hand and holding your stomach with the other. He adjusts you so that youā€™re pressed up against him.Ā 
ā€œBetter, babe?ā€ he asks as he backs up into the wall, loosening up as you relax against him.Ā 
ā€œMmm.ā€ You croon, sinking down against him. ā€œI shouldĀ  brush my teeth, Iā€™m sorry you came back to this.ā€
ā€œItā€™s fine. Get cleaned up. Wanna watch movies? I got Chinese takeout.ā€Ā 
ā€œI donā€™t want Chinese,ā€ you comment.
Ā ā€œWhat do you want?ā€Ā 
ā€œPizza.ā€Ā 
ā€œ...ā€
Ā ā€œ...ā€
Ā He sighs. ā€œIā€™ll be back in 20.ā€
Ā ā€œI love you.ā€ you smile at him as you tell him what he already knows.Ā 
He presses his nose into your hair, letting your conditionerā€™s scent fill his nose. ā€œMmmā€¦ and I love you.ā€Ā 
ā€œHow much?ā€ You ask.
ā€œHow much do I what?ā€Ā 
ā€œHow much do you love me?ā€Ā 
ā€œEnough to get you pizza at 10 pm in the pouring rain.ā€Ā 
ā€œItā€™s raining??ā€
ā€œYeah.ā€
ā€œ...Nevermind I donā€™t want pizza anymore.ā€
ā€œWell I want pizza now so Iā€™m going.ā€ He pulls himself up and out of the bathroom despite the way you tried to cling to his leg to keep him from leaving.Ā 
ā€œRin!ā€
Bokuto Koutarou
Bokuto is honestly the ideal boyfriend, especially when you are on your period.Ā 
Early in your relationship, when you got on your period, you didnā€™t tell Bo. But he ended up learning the hard way.Ā 
Heā€™d come back from practice a bit later than usual and didnā€™t text you. Usually he didnā€™t, especially if he knew heā€™d only be a little late. But when he walked through the doors, instead of finding his usually happy, bubbly girlfriend who usually showered him with love, he was greeted with you crying.Ā 
ā€œW-why didnā€™t-t you text me, Kou? Do you-u not care about me?ā€Ā 
He had nooo idea what was going on, and he was very panicked and sad.Ā 
He felt like the rug was pulled out from under him when you proceeded to snuggle into his chest 2 minutes later, cries completely stopped. His little owl eyes were wide open and very confused.Ā 
2 days later, he asked about the situation again, scared to bring it up.
But you were really embarrassed as you explained how you were on your period and could get extreme mood swings. You apologized and promised that youā€™d never do something wild like that again.
But Bo wasnā€™t content with your answer.Ā 
He went and asked Akaashi if he knew anything about what periods were like (he was shy to ask you).Ā 
Akaashi found the lovely statistic of ā€œperiod pain being of equal pain levels of a heart attackā€ and Bokuto lost his shit. ā€œ
Iā€™ve never had a heart attack, but they kill people! And they go for the hospital for those! And she apologized for being a little emotionalā€¦ that doesnā€™t seem right, right Kaashi?ā€
Akaashi agrees, of course. And sends Bokuto off with the advice of ā€œsheā€™s always there for you. All you have to do is be there for her.ā€Ā 
When the next time you had your period rolled around, and you found yourself a little emotional, you did your best to control it. But Bokuto was having none of it.Ā 
ā€œBaby, you donā€™t have to hide it! You can be emotional!! I donā€™t mind. You always help me when Iā€™m emotional! I can do the same for you. Iā€™ll take the best care of you, I promise!ā€Ā 
You would honestly call it a turning point in your relationship, cause this was when you learned to start really depending on Bo. And you realized just how dependable he could really be.Ā 
When Bokuto comes back from practice today, he finds you splayed out on the couch, koala-hugging a pillow, whimpering a ā€œwelcome homeā€ between grunts of pain.Ā 
Bokuto stays quiet as he walks up to the couch, dipping down to place a kiss on your cheek before stripping his sweaty t-shirt off as he walks off to take a shower.Ā 
Once he comes out, fresh and clean, he throws on a comfortable t-shirt and shorts before coming back to find you on the couch.Ā 
He grabs your legs, pulls them up, sits down, and then places them in his lap. ā€œBaby, do you want a massage? I can press your legs.ā€Ā 
ā€œYou donā€™t have to, Kou, itā€™s okay.ā€Ā 
ā€œI want to!ā€ He cheers back as he starts to knead at your calves, moving down to your feet and slowly pressing over your socks.Ā 
You sigh and huff, slowly relaxing as the soothing feeling of the pressure applied to your feet counteracts the pain you felt in your lower abdomen.Ā 
While Bokuto concentrates intensely on massaging your calves again, he perks up at the sound of a sniffle.
Ā Swinging his head, he sees you slowly dissolving into sobs.Ā 
Panicked, he slides your legs onto the couch and comes by your face.Ā 
ā€œBaby, did I press too hard? Did I hurt you? Please tell me.ā€
ā€œNo, no, Kou, youā€™re fine. Iā€™m just- Iā€™m so lucky and blessed to have such a loving amazing boyfriend~ā€ you get the words out as tears stream down your face, turning to look him in his big, gorgeous, gold eyes. ā€œI donā€™t deserve you, my love.ā€
Now, for reasons unknown, Bokuto finds himself crying as well.Ā 
ā€œWhy are you crying!ā€ You cry and laugh out at the same time.Ā 
ā€œBecause I have such a sweet girlfriend who always showers me in love! Donā€™t say I donā€™t deserve you. Youā€™re perfect for me.ā€Ā 
Cheesy as the exchange was, it was really soft for you. Because you knew Bokuto, and you knew he meant every word exactly as is from the bottom of his heart.Ā 
Crying while your laughs got lighter, you pull him in and kiss him all over his face.Ā 
He laughs too, and holds your face as he pulls away, swiping the tears from under your eyes. ā€œYour turn!!ā€Ā 
After smothering you with kisses, he picks you up and carries you to your shared bedroom, so he can love on you more, with enough space for both of you to lay next each other and peacefully drift off to sleep.Ā 
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A/N: Gym guys who donā€™t mind their business seriously bother me. I hope you all enjoyed! Requests and commentary are greatly appreciated :DĀ 
188 notes Ā· View notes
ayyyeisa Ā· 4 years ago
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Home
Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Mikasa Ackerman
Word Count: 9.7k
Content: Modern! AU, fluff, angst, best-friends-to-lovers trope
Content Warnings: PTSD, alludes to alcohol
Summary: Childhood best friends Eren and Mikasa go through a series of ups and downs throughout their life, struggling to realize what exactly their relationship is
Notes: Thank you to everyone who helped edit this piece! I really appreciated all the feedback you gave me <3
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Prologue
Theyā€™ve always been told that theyā€™ve been friends since the moment they were born, and it was difficult to argue against it because it really did feel like itā€™s been a lifetime of friendship. There has never been a moment where one isnā€™t with the other. It had never been just Eren, and it had never been just Mikasa. No matter where they were and when it was, it was always (and always will be) Eren and Mikasa. The girl, Mikasa, even claimed to have known her friend Eren in her life before, and although he'd never admit it in front of anyone but Mikasa (in fear that his older brother would make fun of it), he did too. At 28, their friendship definitely had quite a few ups and downs, but if they learned one thing during their years of being best friends it was that they both wanted one thing more than anything in the world: to be with each other. That was it. It didnā€™t matter, when, where, with who, or for what reason. Just to be in the presence of one another was enough to make them happy.
27 Years Ago (4 months old)
Eren and Mikasa were born just barely two months apart, so it was no surprise that they wouldnā€™t even remember meeting as babies. As their parents were good friends, the couples jokingly tried to make their children be friends too, by making sure they saw each other frequently. Mikasa and Erenā€™s moms held their babies across from one another so they could see each other again. It was the first time they officially met, excluding the time the Ackerman family came to visit Carla when she gave birth to Eren. The moment baby Eren had set his big, forest green eyes onto Mikasaā€™s brown ones, he had tried to reach out to her, going as far as untangling himself from the red scarf (a gift given at his baby shower, though because of his size, could not be used as an actual scarf yet) that his mom used to swaddle him. Unfortunately, from his lack of motor skills, the little girl was awoken by Eren's hand. Mikasa shrieked, upset that she was pulled from her sleep. Zeke, Eren's senior by ten years, freaked, immediately apologizing to Mikasa's mom about Eren. "I'm so sorry Auntie! I'm sure Eren didn't mean it. Please don't be mad."
The woman just let out a light-hearted laugh. "It's alright Zeke. Look, Mikasa is fine now. Besides, her and Eren seem to be getting along pretty well," she said as she watched the two babies looking at each other, arms flailing like an octopus's legs in an attempt to reach each other. Mikasa had gotten a hold of an end of Erenā€™s swaddle scarf and was lightly tugging at it, while Eren continued to reach forward until his small hand lightly touched Mikasaā€™s forehead. They were giggling, almost as if they were keeping a secret.
23 Years Ago (5 years old)
It was their first day of first grade. They had been smart enough to go to school a year early. Yes, they. Mikasa refused to start school without Eren, and he refused to go without Mikasa. They were a team, never leaving each otherā€™s side. The teachers were a bit surprised at first when they refused to sit with different people, but they soon got the message. Many actually found it quite cute. Eren had many girls crushing on him (yes, he was a very cute boy, and eventually grew up to be a handsome man). Although the girls didnā€™t completely understand their emotions at that age, they refused to believe that the cute boy prefered Mikasa over all of them. This of course was bad for Mikasa since it led her to having enemies from a young age. Even if she didnā€™t need total protection from them, she still had Eren to help. He was, however, useless when his own fangirls chased him around the playground. Though he always proudly claimed "As if I would even think of hitting a girl,ā€ Mikasa was there to help him out when they chased him.
Not even a week in, Eren had met a boy named Armin-- a short and shy young blonde, who always seemed to be in the little library corner of the classroom. He was as smart as Misaka and Eren, if not smarter, therefore he also started a year early. The older boys were constantly making fun of Armin for his short stature, yet what caught Erenā€™s eyes the most was how no matter the power difference, Armin did not seem to back down. Even as the bullies picked and teased at him, he held his head high.
When Eren approached one day to ask why, Armin would simply state ā€œI havenā€™t lost yet if I refuse to back down.ā€ And it was that bravery, even in the most dire of situations, that had Eren grinning.
Hands on his hips, he announced, ā€œmy name is Eren, but you probably already knew that. And that girl over there,ā€ Eren paused to point at Mikasa, who was watching from across the room to make sure Eren wasnā€™t getting himself into trouble, ā€œis Mikasa. Letā€™s all be friends. Mikasa! Cā€™mere! This is Armin and heā€™s super cool and smart.ā€ After gesturing her over, he turns back to Armin with a grin on his face. ā€œMikasa is super cool too. Sheā€™s smart like you, and really strong. Sheā€™s my best friend, and Iā€™ve known her my entire life. I just know weā€™ll all get along,ā€ he said happily while readjusting his scarf.
And right he was, for that was the beginning of the trioā€™s epic friendship.
21 Years Ago (7 years old)
He took her hand, and led her to his horse. Just like how the leaves were swept away by the wind, so were they. If you watched, youā€™d see the horse getting smaller and smaller as they rode farther away. But maybe, if you listened, you would hear the princessā€™s and princeā€™s joyful laughter- a truly happy ever after ending for them.
ā€œNo, no, no, no!ā€ Thatā€™s not what happened in my dream! If I remember correctly, we lived in a castle!ā€ Eren exclaimed. He didnā€™t know where Mikasa got that dream before.
ā€œWell, Iā€™m just telling you what I saw in my dream. Maybe youā€™re the one with bad memory,ā€ she snapped back, a frown on her face as she lightly tugged on the red scarf he always kept around his neck.
For the past couple months, they had been dreaming of being together in a number of lives. They often fought about them in front of Armin, constantly asking him which one of the two dreamt the right dream. Poor Armin. Luckily, the boy had a knack for reading any and every book he could find, and he decided to do something about it before the fight could escalate again.
ā€œMaybe you two remembered different parts of your old life, and maybe even different lives. You never know, you could have been a prince or princess more than once,ā€ he proposed.
Mikasaā€™s brows quirk in confusion. ā€œYou think so?ā€ she asked.
Eren, on the other hand, fully trusted the other boy, knowing just how smart he was from all the reading heā€™s done. Grinning, he proudly stated,ā€œDonā€™t doubt Armin, Mikasa. Heā€™s super smart. I bet heā€™s right with just about everything.ā€
ā€œReally?ā€ the girl excitedly asked. ā€œWait, so Armin, do you know how babies are made?ā€
Omake:
Eren: ā€œOf course he does! He read it in a book and told me. A stork plucks a baby from a pond and delivers it at night.ā€
19 Years Ago (9 years old)
ā€œWe were super cool ninjas with powers! Like Naruto!ā€ Eren exclaimed, jumping, kicking, and punching the air as if he was fighting an imaginary person. His red scarf danced and swayed along with him as he energetically moved around. He briefly paused to glance at Mikasa, excited to see her reaction, when he saw her expression. It had his previously bright, green eyes dulling into a light grey color. Furrowing his eyebrows, he asked, ā€œYou okay Mikasa?ā€
She sat there, a worried look on her face. ā€œEren, will my mom be okay?ā€ Even though she was young, she knew something went wrong when her mom had her. Her mom was always happy, yet sad when talking about Misaka's birth. She overheard one night from her parents that having Mikasa was very difficult for them, let alone having another child.
This question always broke his heart- no matter how many times heā€™s heard it. He stared at her for a moment before slowly walking to her, unwrapping his scarf off his neck. He stopped right in front of her-- her head right below his chin-- before taking his scarf in two hands and wrapping it around her neck instead. Finishing up the last loop, he messily placed the last few inches on top of her head before taking a seat next to her on the couch.
ā€œI donā€™t know Mikasa. I donā€™t know. But youā€™re going to be okay, I promise.ā€
Eren had said ā€œyouā€™reā€ not ā€œitā€™s,ā€ and she couldn't be more thankful. The little boy could not promise that everything would be okay, but he could promise that she would. Why? Because she still had a home. Because he was there. And he always would be.
ā€œIā€™m right here. And if you ever need more comfort, whenever and wherever we are, Iā€™ll just wrap that scarf around you again,ā€ he stated confidently. He hugged Mikasa, who in turn hugged him back before they laid down facing each other.
ā€œYouā€™ll really do it? Youā€™ll wrap the scarf around me just like you did in the dream I told you I had last night? That oneā€™s my favorite dream-- but I like all of our other dreams too. Promise me weā€™ll always talk about them. No matter how old we are, weā€™ll still tell them to each other, okay? Promise me,ā€ Mikasa prompted as she rested her hand in between them.
It was no surprise when Eren gave her a small smile while stating ā€œPromise,ā€ before reaching out with his hand to interlock his fingers with Mikasaā€™s.
18 Years Ago (10 years old)
At ten years old, Eren was starting to believe what the other boys in his grade were saying about girls. At first, he tried to fight back and ignore their stupid antics, but he hated the fact that people thought Mikasa was stronger than him. He didnā€™t want her protection; he wanted to protect her.
ā€œWhy does she always speak for you, anyway?ā€ one of them would ask.
ā€œSheā€™s a girl; shouldnā€™t you be stronger?ā€ another would add.
ā€œDonā€™t forget that girls have cooties.ā€
ā€œSheā€™s just plain scary too.ā€
Eren could feel his cheeks heat up at the comments, and if the boys were paying close attention, they wouldā€™ve seen his eyes turn a stormy grey. Whether it was from embarrassment of being below Mikasa, or anger of someone daring to badmouth her, he didnā€™t know.
ā€œDonā€™t say that about Mikasa. Girls should be strong, and thereā€™s nothing wrong with not being quiet and dainty,ā€ he loudly proclaimed. But while his heart was burning to continue defending Mikasa, a part of him couldnā€™t help but hate the situation he was in. Why was Mikasa always the one to protect him, and why did it bother him so much?
Weeks had passed, and Mikasa noticed how Eren seemed to be avoiding her. Was it what everyone was saying about them? Or was it something else? The only other thing she could think of was when she gave him a nice punch (a well-deserved punch at that) for being an idiot and getting into trouble again. Because of him, they both had to stay in the classroom writing apology letters during recess-- itā€™s not like she was going to let him fight those bullies alone. But he couldnā€™t be THAT mad at her, could he? The jerk sort of deserved it. It broke her. But, Mikasa being Mikasa, she decided to confront him today.
ā€œEren, why are you ignoring me? Are you okay? Did something happen?ā€ she asked.
ā€œIā€™m not ignoring you, okay? Why canā€™t you just let me be and do my own thing. Youā€™re not my mom, and I'm not your kid brother. I donā€™t need you around all the time, and I definitely donā€™t always need your help.ā€ Eren spat, irritated.
Just as he was about to leave, Mikasa spoke again. ā€œSo youā€™re saying that Iā€™m not important.ā€
Eren, caught off guard, froze. ā€œNo! I never--ā€
ā€œYouā€™re saying that those other boys, your other friends, are more important than me and that what they think matters more than me.ā€ Mikasa clarified, tears starting to swell up in her eyes.
...1 second...
...2 secondsā€¦
Gears were turning in Erenā€™s head, realizing what heā€™d almost done to their friendship-- what heā€™d almost done to Mikasa, his Mikasa, his best friend. He could feel his anger subside, and Mikasa saw his grey eyes slowly brighten to green. ā€œIā€™m sorry. I didnā€™t mean it that way. Why donā€™t you come over today? We can play tag and hide and seekā€¦ Or I could even play with the dolls you made. You made one of me, right? Just the two of us. I promise this wonā€™t happen again.ā€
ā€œGood. I like Auntie Carlaā€™s cooking. Weā€™re walking home from school together, okay? Like old times,ā€ she simply stated before walking away. She was not going to take any chances of Eren saying no. Of course, Mikasa expected his previous response. As much as Eren had been avoiding her, she truly trusted him to always come back. He always did. She could bet her life (and heart) on it.
17 Years Ago (11 years old)
Lunch was going well for the first day of 6th grade. It was an odd transition from eating with classmates in their grade level to being able to eat with just about anyone that attended their school. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were finishing up their lunch when they heard a voice.
ā€œYour long black hair isā€¦ really beautiful, by the way,ā€ a boy with ash-brown hair shyly says to Mikasa. His blush was evident on his light skin and he could barely look at the girl. His name was Jean Kirstein, a new classmate of the trioā€™s; and he annoyed Eren to no end. Who did this guy think he was? It was their first year at South Paradis Junior High-- there were so many other elementary schools that fed into here that it was unlikely that theyā€™d know all their classmates. And yet, this boy was already coming straight up to Mikasa and complimenting her hair. Mikasa was a rare beauty and Erenā€™s best friend; she deserved the best and only the very best. He wasnā€™t going to let some horse face of a boy take a chance with her.
Armin noticed Erenā€™s frown and how his eyes were a dark grey. He honestly considered teasing him: ā€œOf course youā€™d be the petty, jealous type.ā€ Thatā€™s all he had to say. It was fairly easy, and Armin was quite sure that voicing that thought would have Eren in a stuttering mess trying to deny it all. Heā€™d probably be so busy denying it that he wouldā€™ve spent more time arguing with Armin than acting on his jealousy. Though against his better judgement, Armin kept his mouth shut, allowing Eren to speak up.
ā€œMikasa,ā€ Eren said softly as he grabbed a piece of her hair, ā€œarenā€™t you trying out for the martial arts team? You should cut your hair. You could get into an accident.ā€ Eren didnā€™t even bother glancing at Jean; he opted for keeping his gaze on Mikasa as he waited for an answer.
ā€œYeahā€¦ youā€™re right. I should probably cut it,ā€ she stated as she absentmindedly grabs the same strand Eren was holding, their fingers grazing one another in the process. Eren would never admit it, but his fingers burned right where his and Mikasaā€™s briefly touched. The physical contact didnā€™t last long, but he could still feel the warmth she emulated when he went to bed that night. He didnā€™t know why, though.
13 Years Ago (15 years old)
It wasnā€™t until sophomore year of high school that Eren realized just why he felt that way-- why he always had the urge to protect Mikasa to the point that her being stronger than him made him angry, why he was always hit with an overwhelming feeling of jealousy whenever Jean was anywhere near her, why his skin started burning at her slightest touch. It wasnā€™t until sophomore year of high school that Eren realized just why he started to look at his best friend a little differently, why she always lingered in his thoughts a bit longer and a bit more than everyone else.
He was, unfortunately, stupid enough to make homecoming plans without Mikasa. Last year, the two of them and Armin had all gone together, but Armin was finally going with Annie this year. It was of the utmost obviousness that those two had something going ever since she transferred to their school in 7th grade. Annie was a quiet girl who usually kept to herself, maybe occasionally speaking with Bertholdt and Reiner since they transferred from the same school. But otherwise, it seemed as if only Armin was able to break through her shell. It was honestly quite ironic how Eren and Mikasa often teased Armin for his incapability to express his feelings, when he couldā€™ve easily pointed out theirs. The ache in his heart when Annie was away --the way he constantly missed her and wished she was around-- was no different from what Eren and Mikasa secretly told Armin when they were apart. How could Eren and Mikasa not know?
ā€œHistoria asked me to homecoming,ā€ Eren had told Mikasa one night after they both respectively finished martial arts and baseball practice. He could see the small glare she gave him, as she stared at him for what felt like hours without saying a word.
ā€œOkay, then just ask her out.ā€ Mikasa didnā€™t even try to hide her annoyance.
ā€œItā€™s not like that. I donā€™t-- Thereā€™s nothing-- Weā€™re not like that. I think sheā€™s just pretty bummed that Ymir moved and needs a friend. You know she doesnā€™t have that many ā€˜cause her dadā€™s been sheltering her. You can come with. I told her that I was planning on going with you,ā€ Eren replied. Itā€™s not like he wanted Mikasa to feel left out or unimportant. One of his friends needed his help, and he would never-- could never-- turn his back on a friend. They were the most important people in the world to him, almost on the same level as his parents, Armin, and Mikasa. Of course he would be there if one of them ever needed a hand.
And it was because Mikasa knew him so well that she tried to control herself. Mikasa wanted to argue-- wanted to tell Eren that there were plenty of other people Historia couldā€™ve asked. She had Sasha, Connie, and Jean too. She couldā€™ve even asked her. Why did it have to be specifically Eren? She was jealous, she acknowledged that, because all she ever wanted was to be near Eren. The thought of him belonging to some other girl hurt so badly. For him to have another home besides her, for her to not be able to call him her home-- she didnā€™t know if she wanted to even be alive if that were to happen. Eren was everything to her. But another part of her just wanted to let it be. If Eren was happy, and as his best friend, shouldnā€™t she be happy for him too? All she ever wanted was to be near him. Romantic relationship or not, she already had that. Eren cared about her and Armin more than anyone in the world; she has everything sheā€™s asked for. Shouldnā€™t that be enough?
ā€œNo, itā€™s ok. You donā€™t need to explain. She needs a friend, and I think you should go. Jean and I were talking in class today. He actually offered for us to join their group because Sasha and Connie wanted to do a whole extravagant group meetup, with pictures and food and everything. Iā€™ll just tag along with them,ā€ her lips drew into a straight line in an attempt to smile. She knew Eren well enough to know that he knew --that she knew-- that he knew that it was most definitely not okay. But to her dismay, neither acknowledged the elephant in the room nor the growing tension between them.
Eren didnā€™t want to. He was too busy feeling the blood rushing through his ears at the mention of Jean asking Mikasa out. There was only one other time he remembered feeling this jealous-- it had been all that time ago, when they first met Jean back in 6th grade. The horse face had told Mikasa her long, black hair was beautiful, and while Eren agreed, it pissed him off to no end that someone other than him was looking at Mikasa. Of course, it was no surprise that many boys and girls were looking at her-- she was beautiful and strong and everything that a woman should be. But having random people look at her didnā€™t compare to the jealousy he felt when it came to Jean. Eren wanted Mikasa all to himself. But what right did he have to whine and complain when he was the one to bring up taking Historia to the dance? Jealousy was an ugly feeling, and he hated how accustomed he had gotten to feeling it. Stupid Jean, stupid world, stupid homecoming, stupid him. Oh how he hated himself more than ever for putting himself in that situation. All he ever wanted was to be with Mikasa, and here he was doing the opposite-- here he was starting a small rift between them. One stupid statement, and he already felt far, far away from home.
12 Years Ago (16 years old)
It was concerning, really, how months later, Eren and Mikasa still couldnā€™t address the divide between them. While the two often got into small arguments before, they were usually solved within a week, if not immediately. This was the first time that it ever lasted more than a few days, if this could even be considered an argument. They were talking, but something felt off-- both of them could feel it. Mikasa didnā€™t want to push boundaries. Eren was still her friend; he was safe and nearby, so could she really complain? As for Eren, he could feel the ache of Mikasaā€™s absence run deeper than his heart. It made him sick in a way he couldnā€™t completely describeā€” like he was homesick or something.
While he saw her everyday at school, she often paired up with Armin or Jean instead. While he ate lunch with her at the same table as their friend group, she usually spent her time listening to Sasha ramble on and on about meat and food and the so-called cute senior in her culinary class named Niccolo. Even when he was sitting right next to her in the driverā€™s seat as he dropped her home after practice, their conversations ran shallow. He missed their inside jokes and their talks about their dreams. For months, heā€™d been wanting to tell her his recurring dream of one of their past lives. How every night, his sleep would send him to the peaceful mountains of Switzerland, where he lived in a tiny cottage with her. They were alone-- isolated from society-- and they often needed to fish, hunt, and gather their own food, but they were together. They were together and they were happy, and God help him, thatā€™s all he ever wanted.
He wondered that of the many other dreams sheā€™s had of what they presumed to be their past lives, if she saw that same dream too. He hoped so. He hoped that when he was away, she felt that same ache too. He hoped that in the same way no one could ever replace her in his heart, no one would ever replace him in hers. Call him selfish, but he wanted Mikasa all to himself-- wanted to be the only person that would ever claim her heart. He didnā€™t want anyone-- not Jean, not even Armin-- to have Mikasa. So why was he letting her slip through his fingers?
It wasnā€™t until months later, near the end of summer, that the two finally resolved whatever issue was going on. With school out, Historia rarely saw anybody outside her friends, and even then, she was only really comfortable around Eren-- only he knew the pain of missing someone. Historia knew he was suffering. He never told her-- never really told anyone except Armin-- how he felt about Mikasa, but Historia could see the longing in his eyes whenever he gazed at Mikasa and the sadness they held whenever he talked about her. And it was for this reason that she refused to leave Eren alone. He needed a friend, and so did she. There was no way sheā€™d abandon him-- no way she would abandon anyone in need.
Over summer, the two started volunteering at homeless shelters and orphanages. Theyā€™d occasionally invite the whole group over: Sasha, Connie, Jean, Mikasa, Arminā€¦ There were days that the seven of them would volunteer during the day and go out for dinner in the evening to catch up. But the amount of time that the group met up was nothing in comparison to the amount of time Historia and Eren spent together. It was evident in the way they talked at their group outings, and it didnā€™t help with the growing tension between Eren and Mikasa either.
Seeing them together, seeing them so happy-- seeing Eren so happy without her-- had Mikasa feeling things. Was she missing something-- a component or aspect that maybe was pushing Eren away from her? Or was she too overbearing? What did Historia have that she didnā€™t? There must be a reason why Eren seemed to be wanting to spend more time with the other girl as opposed to her. She missed seeing Erenā€™s smile and his happy, green eyes. She was both angry and hurt, and while she knew she had no right to speak, for she was Erenā€™s best friend, not his lover, she could only take so much before snapping.
She hadnā€™t meant to say it; at least, not out loud and most definitely not in front of Eren, but her jealousy got the better of her. Historia and Eren were once again telling the group about some project they went on the other week to help orphans in a different country. They were laughing and reminiscing about the troubles they went through during their time there when Mikasa spoke.
ā€œWe get it. You guys had a great time,ā€ her voice dripping with disdain as she glared at Historia. It wasnā€™t until Mikasa noticed everyone staring at her that she realized the rudeness of what she had said. Hesitantly, she said ā€œSorry. Iā€™ve, uhh, Iā€™ve had a rough fewā€¦ months. Iā€™m just gonna go,ā€ before hastily leaving the table.
ā€œWait!ā€ Historia called after her.
ā€œWe havenā€™t even ordered anything yet, arenā€™t you hungry?ā€ Jean added.
She ignored them both, though, and opted to continue walking out of the restaurant, even as the others tried to call out after her.
Armin used that distraction to nudge Erenā€™s side. ā€œEren,ā€ he whispered sternly, grinding his teeth together. ā€œItā€™s now or never. Donā€™t let it get worse. Are you really going to let her go?ā€
And it was because Armin knew both Mikasa AND Eren so well that he didnā€™t doubt that it was all he needed to say to get the guy moving. Not even a second later, Eren was scrambling off his chair and past his friends as he hurriedly followed Mikasa.
ā€œMikasa! Mikasa, wait. What was that? Whatā€™s wrong?ā€ he asked. One of his hands was gripping her arm and holding her in place. He had tugged at it lightly so that Mikasa was slightly facing him, and his eyes desperately searched hers for an answer.
ā€œNothing,ā€ she stated, trying (but failing) to keep her composure. Itā€™s not like she could come out and say ā€œOh, Iā€™m jealous of Historia. I hate how she spends a lot of time with you because I secretly love you, Eren.ā€ She could barely admit that fact herself, let alone confess it to someone else.
Eren stared at her in wait, desperately wanting to know what they had and where they stood. Anyone watching couldā€™ve easily seen it in his eyes. ā€œPlease,ā€ he begged when she remained stubbornly quiet. ā€œPlease tell me whatā€™s wrong. Donā€™t you miss the way things used to be? Whatā€™s happened between us?ā€
ā€œHistoria--ā€
ā€œHistoria and I are just friends! I already told you that, back during homecoming. Why did we drift apart just because of that? Why did it seem like you werenā€™t interested in talking to me anymore? Why did we stop hanging out everyday?ā€ Eren urged Mikasa to answer. He was already fighting back tears, when one question that had been nagging at him the past few months made its way out his mouth. ā€œWhy did we stop talking about our dreams?! Didnā€™t we always promise to talk about them? Have you given up on a useless idiot like me?ā€
Seeing Eren cry stopped Mikasa in her tracks. She stopped trying to get her arm out of Erenā€™s grip and settled for looking at him straight in the eyes, near tears herself. ā€œEren,ā€ she says with soft urgency. It was only then, when he felt her sad gaze on him and lack of resistance against his grip, did Eren completely let go of Mikasa. She grabbed both his shoulders, giving him the slightest shake. ā€œDonā€™t say that about yourself. Please. Youā€™re not a useless idiot. Itā€™s just-- Iā€¦ really missed you. Iā€™m sorry. I know you told me that you and Historia were just friends, but I didnā€™t like how jealous I felt. I wanted you only by my side, because itā€™s always been Mikasa and Eren, and Eren and Mikasa, and seeing you with someone else-- Iā€¦ I donā€™t know. I guess, Iā€™m not used to having to be apart from you. More than anything in the world, all I want is to be near you. When you kept visiting Historia and spending the summer with her, it just felt like you didnā€™t need me around anymore, or that you maybe didnā€™t want me around,ā€ Mikasa confessed, her blush evident.
If Eren heard her correctly, then maybe she was feeling the same ache that heā€™d been feeling. Maybe, just maybe, she did love him the way that he loved her-- not as a sibling nor a best friend, but something more. He raised both his hands to grab her face, never breaking eye contact.
She could see how his previously gray eyes had started shifting over to green. Mikasa lifted her hands to hold onto his wrists needing to stabilize herself, as she felt like she would faint at any moment with the way Eren was holding her. Since when did his touch start making her knees so weak? And since when did his gaze start making her self-conscious and nervous?
ā€œMikasa,ā€ Eren whispered, closing his eyes. He didnā€™t think heā€™d have the courage to look at her when their faces were close-- so close that their foreheads were nearly touching and he could feel the warmth of her shaky breaths on his face. ā€œIā€™ll always want you with me,ā€ he whispered softly as he tried to lean in. He wanted to kiss her-- wanted to know what itā€™d feel like to have her lips on his-- but what if he was wrong about his assumptions? What if Mikasa didnā€™t feel the same ache in her heart as he did? What if he was just like family to her and nothing more? If he kissed her and he was wrong, itā€™d for sure ruin their friendship, and the rift between them that they were currently trying to heal would be damaged for good.
He was too busy worrying about all that to realize that Mikasa, too, wanted to kiss him. He didnā€™t even realize the slight tilt up of her head nor the way her fingers lightly squeezed his wrists before she stopped in realization that he wasnā€™t actually going to kiss her. Neither of them wanted to make the first move in fear of ruining what they had-- whatever it was. And so instead, Eren went limp and rested his forehead against hers, eyes still closed, and Mikasa did the same. They didnā€™t move until Mikasaā€™s stomach growled.
ā€œI knew you were hungry. Itā€™s 7 oā€™clock and you usually eat an early brunch,ā€ Eren laughed.
ā€œEren, your eating habits are worse than mine. Youā€™re probably hungrier than me. Letā€™s go back inside,ā€ Mikasa snapped back with a smile.
Things felt normal again and both were the happiest theyā€™ve been in months. Their friendship was okay. Romantic relationship or not, they were still Eren and Mikasa, and Mikasa and Eren-- they were still each other's best friend. They were together, and to them, thatā€™s all that ever mattered in the world. They were home.
10 Years Ago (18 years old)
Many moments from the next few years were filled with awkward silence or slight tension, ones caused by the fight they had at 16. It was like the rift never fully healed, and that made it much easier to get into small fights. Maybe it was because much of the problem itself never went away. The arguments grew from insecurities and miscommunication; they were two teenagers stupidly in love, yet too scared to say anything. Regardless, it was Eren and Mikasa, and so the fights never lasted too long.
It was the last weeks of summer before the two had to go off to college, and unlike two summers ago, Eren made sure that they were making every last moment count. From getting ice cream to hiking at nearby state parks, Eren came up with plans to hangout every single day. He had to, especially because theyā€™d be spending the next four years apart. Both were originally going to Purdue University, along with quite a few of their friends. Eren was going for aviation, Mikasa for elementary education, Armin for political science with a minor in oceanography, and Jean for business.
Unfortunately, times were cruel and news channels were filled with stories of a possible onslaught of World War III. It seemed surreal, but the growing tensions across many countries of the world had many people worrying if it was actually possible. Eren, in particular, found it interesting enough to change his mind about college. He still wanted to fly-- wanted to know the feeling of freedom-- but first and foremost, he felt a strong duty to protect his country because itā€™s where the people he loved lived. If the possibility of an oncoming World War III was true, Eren wanted to be prepared. He still hadnā€™t brought it up to Mikasa or Armin, his decision being so last minute.
He had spent countless nights contemplating on whether he should go or not. If he entered the military, heā€™d be signing his life away for four years. Thatā€™s four years of not being able to always see Mikasa, assuming heā€™d be able to hide it from her. He just had to keep his decision a secret long enough for Mikasa to not be able to follow him in. Eren knew that she wouldnā€™t hesitate to drop everything if it meant being able to be with and protect him, but if Eren cared about her the way he claims he does, shouldnā€™t he be protecting her too? They should be equals, not whatever this was. Just this once, he wanted to be the one protecting, even if it meant being apart from her.
And so, thatā€™s how he came to the decision the night before Decision Day to enter the military as opposed to Purdue. It broke his heart and worried him to no end that for the next four years, heā€™d be far away from Mikasa-- far away from home. What if something happened while he was gone? Something bad, and he wasnā€™t there to help her through it? Sure, Jean and Armin would be there, and Mikasa would surely meet other people too. But would they be able to be there for her in the way she deserved? He knew Mikasa better than anyone else, even Armin, so could anyone really live up to his expectations of what he wanted for Mikasa? All these questions ran through his head as he drove Mikasa back home from the Great Smoky Mountains National Park, another one of the trips he planned.
Mikasa, not one to not notice Erenā€™s changes in behavior, glanced over at the driverā€™s seat, wondering why Eren suddenly got quiet. ā€œEren?ā€
At the sound of her voice, Eren was immediately pulled out of his thoughts. But one look at her, and he was filled with sorrow again. Soon, heā€™d have to leave her and itā€™d be another four years or so before they would be able to return to the old days, if going back to the old days was even possible. For all he knew, this could be the very last time theyā€™d talk to each other like this again. These last few days could be the very last time that Eren and Mikasa, and Mikasa and Eren are a thing. He wanted to make the most out of it-- whatever time he had left. ā€œMikasa,ā€ he stated before pulling over to the side of the road. He wanted to be sure he could clearly see her face, without any distractions. ā€œLet's get out of here,ā€ he continued, looking her in the eye.
She stared at him, observed his movements, the color of his eyes. They were a mix of green and gray, much lighter than his usual forest green eyes that signaled his happiness, but not exactly the stormy grey eyes he had when he was angry or sad either. It confused her, because in the rare times that she didnā€™t know what he was feeling, his eye color usually gave it away. But this time, itā€™s like he was both happy and sad. ā€œWhat do you mean?ā€
Eren was practically quivering in fear that sheā€™d be angry or reject what he was about to offer. But he kept reminding himself that these last few days would be the last time heā€™d see her in a long while. Theyā€™d be apart for the first time since they were born, and he wasnā€™t sure how either of them would be able to handle it. He looked away to gather his nerves before turning back around and taking a deep breath.
ā€œDonā€™t be mad with what Iā€™m about to say. Please.ā€ Eren waited for her nod before continuing. ā€œThe night before decision day, I actually decided I was going to be joining the military-- the army. And before you even think of telling me youā€™ll join too, donā€™t. You needed to decide by decision day, so thereā€™s no point in joining now if weā€™re going to be in different regiments. Iā€™m sorry I didnā€™t tell you. I just wanted to do this to protect everyone, while not influencing any of your decisions to pursue your dreamsā€¦ā€ he paused again, waiting for Mikasaā€™s reaction.
The girl wanted to scold him for making such a hasty and dangerous decision. She didnā€™t know where to begin. The military was a four-year commitment, which meant that theyā€™d be apart for four years. Would she be able to handle that? They had never been apart for anywhere near that long. And what if the military changes him? Even if he didnā€™t get deployed, heā€™d still have to go through basic training and the like. She had heard stories of how the military, even just camp, changed people. What if some part of him never comes back from that? Would he still be her Eren-- the same Eren?
ā€œMikasa, stop thinking about it. Letā€™s justā€¦ enjoy what time we have left of summer break, okay? I told you this because I was hoping youā€™d say yes to what Iā€™m about to ask you. For the last few days of summer, letā€™s go to Switzerland, in Crans-Montana-- in between the mountains where we went on that band trip junior year. Remember how Armin and I climbed the balcony on the third story of the building, just so we could spend the night talking about the most random things? We stayed up till sunrise and nearly got caught staying together in the same bedroom,ā€ he chuckled. ā€œLetā€™s go there again. Just the two of us. Mikasa, come with me. It wouldnā€™t be home with you.ā€
Mikasa, who was shocked and deep in thought, could only manage to give him a small smile before taking the opportunity to reach over the console and grab one of Erenā€™s hands. ā€œOne condition: you wrap this scarf around me one last time, okay?ā€
6 Years Ago (22 years old)
ā€œHey Mikasa, have you heard from Eren? I donā€™t think Iā€™ve received any letters from him in a while,ā€ Armin said.
Their usual group was having a meet-up at their favorite restaurant, a celebration for finishing finals; theyā€™d be graduating in less than a monthā€™s time. And yet, there was a sort of sad or empty feeling to the group, as Eren wouldnā€™t be home for another 6 months or so. He had to finish his military contract, and there was no way for him to visit at the moment due to his most recent deployment.
ā€œNo, I havenā€™t; the last letter was from a few weeks ago. I think heā€™s busy. Last I heard, he was deployed somewhere in the Middle East,ā€ Mikasa replied softly.
ā€œHave you told him already?ā€ asked Jean. He gently placed his arms across her shoulders from his seat next to her.
Even from across the table, Armin could see the ring glistening on his finger. He had read somewhere that only about 7% of men actually wore engagement rings; he wasnā€™t surprised that Jean was of that percentage. It matched the diamond on Mikasaā€™s hands that were resting on the table. Armin didnā€™t know how to feel about the entire thing. Mikasa did genuinely look happy, and she deserved every bit of it. So did Jean, especially after all that heā€™d done for Mikasa when Eren wasnā€™t able to be there for her. It wasnā€™t really in his place to judgeā€” what did he know about love? It had taken him years to spend time with Annie, and even then, it took many more awkward conversations and longing glances for them to establish the bond between them. So maybe it did make sense for Mikasa to accept Jeanā€™s proposal. While everyone felt Erenā€™s absence, he was sure that he and Mikasa felt it the most.
Jean was always there to comfort Mikasa, even when Armin couldnā€™t. He never overstepped his boundaries, knowing that it was improper to make a move on someone whose heart belonged to someone else, but as the time between Erenā€™s letters lengthened, the more Jean found himself attending events with Mikasa, or being left alone to study for classes together since Armin wanted surprise Annie, until one day she started smiling at him almost the same way as she did to Eren. A part of him initially wondered if Mikasa really did love him, or if she just appreciated his presence. But those doubts didnā€™t last long because it just wasnā€™t like Mikasa to do something like that.
Mikasa was glad that he did believe her when she said she loved him, because she did. Jean was kind and funny; he was hardworking, empathetic, and an amazing leader. She saw how he treated his peers and subordinates with respect and often put himself in their place to make sure they received the best treatment. He also smiled at her in this certain way. She couldnā€™t describe it, but it made her heart flutter. She loved having him around because he was one of the only people that filled the void of Erenā€™s absence. She loved when he would pull out a chair for her on lunch and dinner dates, when he brought her breakfast at her dorm in the mornings, and when he helped her put on her jacket even when she didnā€™t need help. She loved him-- Jean; she really did. But she also knew a part of her would never really let go of Eren, not completely.
ā€œNo, I havenā€™t,ā€ Mikasa stated hesitantly. ā€œI thought he should find out in person, especially since itā€™d be awkward for me to ask him to be my maid of honor when heā€™s not even a girl,ā€ earning snickers from Sasha and Connie, who were also seated with them.
ā€œWait, so you guys have been engaged for months now, and Eren still doesnā€™t know?ā€ Annie asked, her voice blunt.
Armin lightly kicked Annieā€™s foot under the table. ā€œAnnie,ā€ he softly warned. The two stared at each other as Jean attempted to break the awkward atmosphere.
ā€œNo, itā€™s all good. We wrote to him saying that we started dating, but I guess weā€™re waiting to tell him about the engagement. Heā€™s on Mikasaā€™s side after all. He deserves to hear it from her, whenever sheā€™s ready.ā€
. . . . .
It wasnā€™t until Annie and Armin were on their way home from lunch did Annie dare to speak again. ā€œCorrect me if Iā€™m wrong,ā€ she started. ā€œBut Jeanā€™s just in denial that Mikasa is prolonging the engagement because a part of her will never stop loving Eren,ā€ she tells Armin
ā€œI donā€™t think heā€™s in denialā€¦ Just that, a part of him-- well, a part of all of us-- know that Eren will always have a place in Mikasaā€™s heart. It doesnā€™t mean she wonā€™t move on with her life. Though, I will admit that I think Jean deserves someone who will love him completely.ā€ Armin said. And though Annie remained silent, he knew her well enough to see the slight hesitation in her actions, as if she was contemplating on whether or not she should say something. ā€œErenā€™s always been adventurous, wanting to explore the world rather than stay here; heā€™s always been a small distance from Mikasa and me, no matter how close we try to be to him. I think--ā€ he paused, trying to process his thoughts into words. ā€œI think that he just needs time to understand what she means to him. They both do.ā€
1 Year Ago (27 years old)
The wait for Erenā€™s return came by slowly, and the way he took the news of Mikasa and Jeanā€™s engagement was quite anti-climactic. Everyone in their friend group expected more, but he was just blank and glaze-eyed for what seemed like months after he returned home. Even years later, not much of his behavior changed. The military had not been what he expected. He went in excited to serve his country-- determined to protect his people and loved ones, no matter the sacrifices he had to make. But the horrors that awaited him were beyond anything he could imagine.
Everytime he closed his eyes, he could hear bombs, screaming, and gunshots, along with the sights of blood and blurred vision. Heā€™d somewhat grown accustomed to it, at least on the outside. He no longer jolted at the slightest touch or immediately stood alert at loud noises. Unfortunately, he still felt far, far away. There were times when he didnā€™t feel like he was safe or at home, but in fear of worrying Mikasa and the others, he opted for staring blankly at his surroundings.
He could practically hear his mom nagging in his ear ā€œHow many times did I tell you to NOT join? Did I not tell you that the army isnā€™t worth it?ā€
Eren almost agreed. Almost. Because while a selfish part of him wished he stayed with Mikasa, he couldnā€™t exactly regret leaving. Yes, more than anything in the world, he wanted to be with her; It had been his dream when he was younger, and still was his dream now. But how could he compare his happiness to the lives of millions, or more importantly, his friends?
He hoped his unhappiness didnā€™t show too much-- hoped that his friends wouldnā€™t see how his jaw clenched in anger at the thought of not being able to be with Mikasa the way he was in his dreams.
But they did, at least, Armin and Mikasa did. They noticed because this new Eren, so emotionless and easily irritated, wasnā€™t him. It broke their hearts to see him so different. It broke Mikasaā€™s heart to see the caring and determined boy she grew up with-- the one that would do anything for his family and friends-- was justā€¦ gone. Her heart ached because she had waited so long, waited 4 years to see him again, only for it to seem like he never even came back. She wanted nothing more than to be able to hug him, ask him what the matter was, and tell him everything was going to be okay because she was there-- the same way he always did when she was out of it. She wanted to tell him she lov--. No, she couldnā€™t do that, because it wouldnā€™t be fair to Jean. It wouldnā€™t be fair to Jean who always cared about her well-being when Eren was gone, who never overstepped when he sensed something going on between her and Eren. It just wasnā€™t right for her to be saying any of that last part to Eren.
Not that it would change anything. It was like he was always angry. And whenever someone asked, heā€™d just rudely brush them off. Which is how Eren and Mikasa got into this position: as if the past few years have not already been filled with awkward glances and underlying tension, Eren and Mikasa were, once again, fighting.
Eren could only bite his cheek while shaking his head, ā€œThatā€™s just the thing, Mikasa. You donā€™t understand. You would never be able to, and youā€™ve just really been pissing me off lately. God, I hate you.ā€
ā€œNo, no you donā€™t. I know you, Eren,ā€ she insisted softly.
He hated how it didnā€™t phase Mikasa, as if she was expecting him to say that or that his opinion didnā€™t matter to her. But while this was so, he hated even more her unwillingness to give up on him. Why wouldnā€™t she just let go. He doesnā€™t deserve any type of kidness-- not after abandoning her for some stupid dream in the military, not after letting some other man claim her, not after all the awful things he had to do while he was in the Middle East. He didnā€™t deserve any kindness from Mikasa-- he didnā€™t deserve her.
And yet, he was angry that Jean was with her, because even after everything Eren had done, he still wanted Mikasa to be his. He wasnā€™t mad at her-- God no, he could never be mad at her-- but he was mad at the entire situation and all his conflicting emotions.
His anger got the better of him, of course, and he continued speaking. ā€œDonā€™t you think your life is so pitiful? I might be fucked up in the head, but at least Iā€™m not stuck in a long engagement, working a regular 9-5 schedule like some robot whoā€™s following orders. I actually have some interesting things going on in my life,ā€ Eren sneered. He internally cringed at the harshness of his words when he saw Miaksa recoil. He hit her where it hurt, he was sure. Good. Maybe if she hated him, itā€™d be easier for him to move on with his life without her beside him.
It took Mikasa a second to recollect herself. She honestly wanted to cry, but with the way Eren had just treated her, she did not want to give him the satisfaction of it. ā€œOkay,ā€ she tried to calmly say. ā€œYou clearly donā€™t want me around, so Iā€™m just going to go,ā€ she stood up from the table they sat at before walking away. Maybe Eren was too far gone-- too far changed after his military service-- too bitter at how life turned out for him. She deserved better, right? It was okay to walk away after what just happened. Slowly taking off her red scarf --the scarf he had given her so many years ago when they were just 9 years old-- she didnā€™t dare to look back. It was too bad she didnā€™t-- if she did, she mightā€™ve caught Eren shedding a tear before quickly wiping it away.
Present Day (28 years old)
ā€œMikasa, we need to talk,ā€ Jean stated firmly. It had been months since Eren and Mikasaā€™s big fight, and while everyone in their friend group knew something happened, no one was actually sure what exactly went down. Years of being Eren and Mikasaā€™s friends taught them to stay out of it. Theyā€™d solve it eventually-- they loved each other too much to stay apart forever. Which is the thought that solidified Jeanā€™s decision to do what he was about to do. ā€œI think we should break our engagement,ā€ Jean announced slowly and quietly, as if it pained him to say it-- it probably did.
Mikasa reached out to grab his hand, ā€œJean--ā€ she started before pausing.
Jean outstretched his hand in a gesture to let him continue.
ā€œIā€™ve thought about it a lot. There is no doubt in my mind that you do love me. I know that. But I also know that youā€™ll never love me in the same way you love Eren. Even after everything, you still have his scarf. Mikasa, love like what you guys have-- it doesnā€™t happen often. Donā€™t let him go,ā€ Jeanā€™s voice cracked at his own advice.
Mikasa couldnā€™t deny it-- she could only stare at him sadly while apologizing. What for? She didnā€™t know. Maybe for leading him on? Or not loving him as much as Jean deserved?
ā€œHey, itā€™s okay. I love you. I want you to be happy, and if that means letting you go, then I will learn to live with it,ā€ Jean gave her a small smile.
It made Mikasa want to cry. She probably hurt him a lot, with him always knowing he wouldnā€™t live up to Eren, and yet here he was, being understanding, a gentleman. He was letting her go. ā€œThank you,ā€ she whispered before she gently kissed his cheek.
And before Jean knew it, she was gone. Just like that. Everything seemed to run by in a blur that he hadnā€™t even realized how much time had gone. One second, he was watching Miaksa leave, and the next, he was sandwiched between Connie and Sasha at a bar. He had a drink in his hand that he didnā€™t even remember buying. Had he been drinking?
ā€œYo, you seem out of it, man,ā€ Connie stated while hooking his arm around Jean. It earned him a nudge from Sasha, who muttered something about letting Jean wallow in his despair a little longer. He had just let Mikasa go after all-- someone who heā€™d loved for over a decade. ā€œUhh what I meant to say was, I hope you know that you deserve someone who will love you with all their heart, and all of their mind, body, and soul. Someday, you will find someone who makes you happy, then youā€™ll forget just how much this hurts,ā€ Connie says, him and Sasha rubbing Jeanā€™s back in comfort.
. . . . .
Mikasa was never one to back down from confrontation, so even she found it surprising when a week later, she still hadnā€™t talked to Eren. Itā€™s not that she didnā€™t want to, but rather, didnā€™t know how. Luckily, Eren was impulsive as ever, and so everything seemed to fall back into place when he showed up at her doorstep one day.
ā€œHey,ā€ he says with a short breath, as if he was trying to hide his exhaustion from running or whatever extraneous activity he was doing beforehand.
ā€œHi,ā€ Mikasa replies, looking at his disheveled hair and the sweat-stained neckline of his shirt. Did he rush over here?
ā€œI heard from Jeanā€¦ about ummā€¦ about what happened,ā€ he pauses, seeming to take a moment to gather his thoughts. ā€œIā€™m sorry for all the trouble I caused you-- what Iā€™ve been causing you. But I just wanted to tell you this before I lose my courage: Iā€™ve uhh Iā€™ve been having this dream for a while, practically forever. Of all our dreams, our past lives-- presumably, at least-- this one is my favorite. We were together in Switzerland, in this small cabin. There were trees everywhere and mountains in sight. Nothing ever really happened, exceptā€¦ normal everyday things. We hunted, fished, gathered woodā€¦ it was simple, but I was really, really really happy. I was happy because I was home with you. Those nights and my memories of that dream kept me going, even during my hardest times.ā€ He notices how she was slowly registering what he said, so he gives it one last push. ā€œWhat Iā€™m trying to say is--ā€
ā€œI know, sorry it took me a second,ā€ Mikasa lightly laughs. ā€œWhy did you come back?ā€ she dares to ask. It was a little awkward, like they havenā€™t been friends for the past 28 years.
Eren could only smile before grabbing her hands in between them, slightly hesitating. He grips them a little more tightly as if to stabilize himself. ā€œBecause weā€™re Eren and Mikasa, and Mikasa and Eren. Because youā€™re my best friend. Because I love you. Because you are my home, and Iā€™ll always find my way home back to you.ā€
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extremelyblackandwhite Ā· 4 years ago
Text
innocence - 27
PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader
WARNINGS: none
A/N: my god i really took a whole month to write this. i am sooo sorry, but i was a bit stuck with the narrative. thankfully itā€™s moving forward. hope you enjoy xx
NEXT CHAPTER
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Y/N watched him walk up to his bag to removal a navy blue square box. She furrowed her brows, leaning on her hands on the worn out duvet from her teen years as he sat by his side. His cheeks were dusted pink, lip stuck between his teeth as he handed it to her. Y/N merely looked at him like a child who knew nothing of the object that had been placed on top of her hands. All she knew was that it was in her hands and felt more expensive than the homemade present she had manage to hid under all her chunky Christmas outfits Bucky deemed unnecessary. He was nervous, heart pounding under the several layers of clothing he was wearing to protect himself from the cold. Rebecca had warned him to be careful, maybe to thread around lightly as she could be freaked out. His pace seemed to slow down as he walked up to the bed were she was so innocently and calmly looking at her. Itā€™s gonna be fine, Barnes, man up, he told himself.Ā 
Ā  Ā  Ā - You donā€™t have to accept it. I just ... I thought you might want it.Ā 
Ā  Ā  Ā - Bucky, youā€™re rambling. - she cocked her head to the side, giving him a teasing smile as he sat by the bed. - The only reason someone should be so nervous is if theyā€™re proposing.Ā 
Ā  Ā  Ā -Ā  Uhm ... - he rubbed the back of his neck as he set the box on the bed. All the colour drained from her face and she put her hands in front of her mouth.
Ā  Ā  Ā - Are you proposing? Gosh, did I ruin it? Oh my I ruined a proposal, again.Ā 
Ā  Ā  Ā - Not quite. - he gave her a toothy grin. - And when did you ruin a proposal?
Ā  Ā  Ā - Long story. - she rested her chin against her hand.
Ā  Ā  Ā - Well, when myĀ ā€˜ma died she left me and Rebecca a lot of stuff. - he opened up the old blue velvet box to show a small pearl necklace laying against the padded black satin fabric. - She left me this ... outta all things. Said I should give it to a nice girl someday but Iā€™d never met a nice girl until I met you ...
Ā  Ā  - Bucky. - her lips almost pouted as she tried not to get her emotions get the best of her. It was nothing special, it was really nothing special but to hear him, the man she was so hopelessly in love with, say she was a nice girl was making her heart beat faster.
Ā  Ā  - You donā€™t have to wear it ... itā€™s probably too old and ... well I just wanted you to have them. My dad gave it to my mum before he got shipped off and I thought Iā€™d give them to you ...
Ā  Ā  - Wait, youā€™re not being shipped off, are you? - she wrapped her arms around his neck. - Because if you did good news first and bad news last, Iā€™ll be very upset.
Ā  Ā  - No, no, no. Iā€™m not being shipped out ... I think Iā€™m to old for that. - he chuckled. - The point is, he gave it to her as a labour of love and I want it to give it to you as a labour of love too. Except without the shipping off.Ā 
Ā  Ā  - Bucky, itā€™s beautiful. - she looked down at the box. - And itā€™s not too old.
Ā  Ā  - Itā€™s over a hundred years old.
Ā  Ā  - Youā€™re over a hundred years old. - she gave him a teasing look, kissing the corner of his mouth. - Maybe I fancy things over a hundred years old.
Ā  Ā  - Yeah? - he smiled at her. - Do you wanna put it on?
Ā  Ā  - Can you help me? - she handed him the pearls, turning around to face the mirror in front of her bed. Bucky draped the small pearl string around her neck, clasping it at the back before putting his hand on her shoulder, his head resting in the curvature between her neck and shoulder. Her finger traced the imperfect circular shapes of the pearls, soft smile on her lips. - Bucky, theyā€™re beautiful. Thank you.
Ā  Ā  - Thank god you like them. Samā€™s been in my head all day sayinā€™ youā€™d think theyā€™re too old. - he kissed her neck as she laughed. - Besides, I didnā€™t really know what to give you. I canā€™t really give you the moon.
Ā  Ā  - The moon sounds like itā€™d take too much space in the house. Can you imagine? I live in a one bedroom flat, I barely have space for me and my thoughts.
Ā  Ā  - Stop it. - he held her chin to turn her face so he could kiss her. - You know, missy ... you still owe me for that stunt you pulled in the airplane.
Ā  Ā  - You know I would love to finish it ... - she threw her legs over his. - But I have to go with my mum tomorrow morning to pick out last minute gifts and she is an early bird.
Ā  Ā - Uhm ... you torture me. - he wrapped his arms around her. - But Iā€™ll let it slide this time.Ā 
Bucky couldnā€™t sleep that night, he stood up all night looking at her; the way the moon illuminated her skin against the dusty blue sheets, the pearls drapped over her beautiful skin. Bucky thought in that moment he was the luckiest man in the world and that maybe it was all worth it. Maybe falling from the train, becoming HYDRAs fist, Zemo, wars, everything ... maybe it was worth going through all of that because if he hadnā€™t gone through all of that, he wouldnā€™t be what he was today and he wouldnā€™t have met her. It was worth knowing it, it was worth having her. He remembered his mum reprimanding him every time heā€™d break up or start seeing yet another girlĀ ā€œJames Barnes, you gotta stop playinā€™ around and find yourself a nice girl who you love and loves you back for who you areā€. He didnā€™t believe her, he knew why girls were into him, or into the uniform so he didnā€™t really believe someone would want to stick around with him being a soldier. But Y/N, Y/N loved him with that and even all his nightmares and trauma. He couldnā€™t help but want to keep her safe despite that being what his job entailed, and it made his blood boil whenever he thought back to how someone had broken into her place, into her safe space. It made him more upset he hadnā€™t figured out who done it. Not even Steve or Natasha found any clues, it was almost as if it never happened but he had pictures, he had pictures of that word written across the mirror.
He could not stop thinking about it, he couldnā€™t sleep about it. He hadnā€™t been able to sleep in a while, afraid something would happen to her while he was asleep. He had failed to protect her, someone had gotten into her home and god... something could have happened and he wasnā€™t there, he wasnā€™t there to defend her. He couldnā€™t even do his job right. He couldnā€™t protect his girlfriend.Ā Ā 
Bucky stood up all night until the early morning when the clock shone 7:30 AM. She moved around, signalling she was more awake than asleep. He smiled, kissing her forehead as she opened her eyes.
Ā  Ā - Morning, princess.Ā 
Ā  Ā - Buck, you need to sleep. - she said in her cute sleep filled voice. - Itā€™s too early for you.
Ā  Ā - I donā€™t need sleep. Super soldier, remember, doll?
Ā  Ā - That canā€™t be right. - she rose up from the bed, rubbing the sleep off her eyes. - You sure youā€™re okay being alone? I could ask my mum ...
Ā  Ā - Go have time with your mum, princess. Iā€™ll be fine, promise you.
Ā  Ā - Do not let my sisters give you any trouble. Or my brother ... or any of my sisterā€™s husbands. You know what? Youā€™re allowed to cuss them out if they do.
Ā  Ā - Iā€™m sure itā€™ll be fine. - he watched as she got dressed and covered into layers upon layers. He had forgotten how cold England was. - You donā€™t have to worry.
Ā  Ā - Yes I have. Theyā€™re very persuasive, theyā€™re lawyers. They will convince you to do things you donā€™t even want to do with you noticing.Ā 
Ā  Ā - Iā€™ve been through mind control before, Iā€™m sure I can handle it, doll face.
Ā  Ā - Doll face? - she smirked. - Thatā€™s a new one. You sure youā€™re not trying to butter me up so I finish what I started.
Ā  Ā - Nonsense. - he got up from her, slowly walking up to her, hands resting upon her waist as he whispered against her ear. - Itā€™s not like you need any buttering up isnā€™t it, princess?
Ā  Ā - I ... - her face grew warm at the thoughts that filled her head.
Ā  Ā - Y/N! Honey, are you ready? - her motherā€™s knock on the door, followed by her opening it just the slightest bit interrupted her sex filled thoughts. - We donā€™t wanna catch a confusion.
Ā  Ā - Yeah, mum. Just saying bye to Bucky.
Ā  Ā - Oh, Bucky ... thereā€™s breakfast downstairs if you want. The boys are all up, maybe you can socialise.
Ā  Ā - Mum ... - Y/N said through a tight smile as the three walked from the bedroom into the hall.Ā 
Ā  Ā - You worry too much. - her mother ushered down the stairs to the door where her father was leaned against, waiting. Y/N kissed Bucky goodbye before being pushed out of the house.
Bucky couldnā€™t say he was particularly comfortable. It wasnā€™t that her family wasnā€™t nice, they were as inviting as one could be but he barely knew them and the last thing he wanted was to scare them off or leave a bad impression. After all, there wasnā€™t a lot of his family Y/N had to impress and whatever was left of it she had left a great impression but her family, well, her family probably did not expect a 100 year old soldier bodyguard dating their actress daughter. Yet again, who does?
He walked into the dinning room where most of her family was sat down happily eating breakfast until they became aware of his presence. Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, ready to mumble an apology before Aunt Petunia was grabbing him and seating him down on one of the free seats.Ā 
Ā  Ā - So, Bucky, what do you want to eat?
Ā  Ā -Ā  Uhm ... just black coffee is fine. -Ā  he spoke and as fast as he did, a cup of coffee was in front off him.
Ā  Ā  - Donā€™t you want anything to eat? Oh, is this a super soldier situation where you cannot eat? Is it because youā€™re a 100? Honey, do you need any medication?
Ā  Ā  - No, no, mā€™am. Iā€™m just not a breakfast person.Ā 
Ā  Ā  - Uhm, I see. Did you sleep well? I couldnā€™t sleep all night with Sophie ... - Petunia looked at Claire who rolled her eyes at her. - Crying all night.
Ā  Ā  - Iā€™m sorry that we canā€™t control when a baby cries, Aunt Petunia. - Claire replied before returning to feed some crushed banana to her baby.Ā 
Ā  Ā  - Babies. - the old woman rolled her eyes, before redirecting her attention towards Bucky. - Do you want them?
Ā  Ā  - Pardon?
Ā  Ā  - A baby. You want a baby right? Y/N has always wanted babies ... of course she keeps forgetting she wonā€™t be fertile forever.Ā 
Ā  Ā  Ā - Uhm ... I donā€™t know, Y/N and I havenā€™t really discussed having a kid.Ā 
Ā  Ā  Ā - I donā€™t wanna know about that. I wanna know if you want a baby.
Ā  Ā  Ā - I donā€™t know if I can have a baby. - he sighed, looking at any of Y/Nā€™s siblings for help.
Ā  Ā  Ā - What do you mean you donā€™t know?
Ā  Ā  Ā - Bucky. - Claire interrupted her aunt. - Do you mind getting the mail? We havenā€™t checked our post box since we arrived and itā€™s probably pilling up.Ā 
Ā  Ā  Ā - Yeah. - he got up from his chair before he could be asked any more questions.
Could he have a baby? He didnā€™t know; Steve couldnā€™t and Steve hadnā€™t. gone through all the brainwashing and shock therapy he had gone through. Besides, he refused to know and he didnā€™t really care about it. Why would Bucky Barnes, an ex murderer for HYDRA, want to bring a kid into this world? No, the world was better off this way and he did not want to know the answer anyway despite the idea of a family haunting his fantasies. Thankfully Claire had saved him and for that alone, he was almost certain she was his favourite sibling out of all. Checking the post wasnā€™t too hard and surely no one would ask about his family planning on the way to the post box.
He let the door behind him as he passed through the snowy ground until the postbox which, despite most of Claires belief, was quite empty except for a few postcards, bills and a particular letter that caught his attention. He looked around before putting the rest of the mail under his arm and started to inspect the letter. It had no stamp, no sender, not even an address, just Y/Nā€™s name in the front written in cursive. Bucky knew he shouldnā€™t open her mail but he just didnā€™t trust it and as he ripped through the envelope, his suspicious heightened.
You cannot hide, whore.Ā 
taglist: @disasterbii @lookiamtrying @buckysteveloki-me @americasass81 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @lostinthebeans @mariahthelioness29 @bbabysbaby @peaches-roses-sins @theadorasabditory @sipsteacasually @saiyanprincessswanie @booktease21 @noiralei @learisa @everythingisoverratedbutgreat @uglipotata72829 @naturalthrone22 @husherstan @mandiiblancheā€‹ @vicmc624 @newyorkgoddess @itsallyscorner @chipilerendi @emzd34 @writerwritesā€‹ @bluevxnusā€‹ @that-girl-named-alexā€‹ @captnrogersā€‹ @nsfwsebbieā€‹ @sarge-barnes-sirā€‹
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sandwichrin Ā· 3 years ago
Text
A Little into You (Junkyu x Reader) (Ch. 27)
Chapter 27 - Is it still cold?
Word count: 4k words
Genre: Fanfiction, PG13, Comedy, Romance.
A/N: Hi! Hereā€™s the next chapter ^^ Letā€™s get the ship sailinggggg~ (Well, technically, it hasnā€™t fully sailed but you know, weā€™re getting there fhdjsjs) Hope you all like this one btw <3
YGE Building (Cafeteria/Rooftop Balcony)
Junkyu stared at the being underneath the table. His knees were starting to feel numb from kneeling at this point.
He had searched the whole 1st floor for you, and never would it cross his mind that youā€™d literally be underneath a tableā€”at the far end of the balcony, where itā€™s most exposed to the cold breeze outside too.
Junkyu sat himself down comfortably and scooted closer towards you, him being directly facing you; and struggling to fit himself underneath the table as well.
He lifted his finger to poke your hands that were hugging your knees close to your chin.
Cold. Too cold. How long have you been out here?
Junkyu gulped to himself. Fearing the worst. Is y/n even alive at this point?
He leaned in closer to your face and lifts his finger towards your nose to check on your breathing.
ā€œAh, sheā€™s still breathing. Thank goodness,ā€ he muttered to himself as he felt warm air against his finger.
But Junkyu was still worried. Why arenā€™t you moving? Why are your eyes closed even when he poked you?
ā€œAh, right! I should give Jihoon-hyung a call,ā€ he began rummaging through his pocketsā€”only to realise that he had left his phone in his small bag in the practice room. Junkyu groaned to himself, disappointed that he had rushed off to find you without at least grabbing his phone.
ā€œWhat should I do now? Why are you unconscious out here?ā€ He asked you even though he knew you wouldnā€™t answer him.
Junkyu sat there for a minute, taking in your image in front of him right now.
Your head leaning forward, chin resting against your handsā€”arms hugging your knees close to yourself. You looked like you were in a deep slumber, he thought. Few strands of your hair were covering the sides of your face, making your face look small. Even with your skin turning pale by the second because of the cold breeze outside, Junkyu thought you looked pretty.
Junkyu wanted to maybe stroke your head, maybe push your strands of hair away from your face but he didnā€™t want to come across as creepy.
His eyes fell towards your hands. Your fingernails were turning blue.
ā€œAh, you must be really cold right now,ā€ he said, panic in his voice. He realised that this wasnā€™t the time to stare and be mesmerised by how pretty he thinks you lookā€”he needed to do something.
Should he go downstairs and call for his friends? Should he try to wake you up? But what if you didnā€™t want to see him? It had been clear that you were avoiding him.
Just what should he do now?
Ā *
YGE Building (Staircase Loft)
ā€œHyung! You should eat it this way,ā€ Jeongwoo said as he demonstrated how he dipped his kimbap slice into his ramen broth. He pressed the kimbap into the broth, letting it sit in there for a couple of seconds.
ā€œThatā€™sā€¦kinda weirdā€¦ā€ Chani said as he watched the younger kid in front of him. ā€œBesides, I thought your ramen finished long ago,ā€
ā€œOh, this isnā€™t mine. Itā€™s Doyoung-hyungā€™s,ā€
Doyoung choked on the drink that he was drinking from, earning a slap on his back from Mashiho who was seated beside him on the staircase.
Doyoung wiped his mouth after he was done coughing. ā€œHey, whyā€™d you soak the kimbap into my broth??ā€ he pulled back his bowl from Jeongwooā€™s hands.
Jeongwoo snickered at him. ā€œHeheh I was just teaching Chani-hyung how to properly enjoy the kimbap.ā€
Chani shakes his head. ā€œNope, not gonna try it.ā€
ā€œAw come on!ā€
ā€œIā€™ll try,ā€ Yoshi said with his small smile. He grabbed a piece of the kimbap with his chopsticks and dipped it into his ramen broth, eating it after letting it soak for a while.
Everyone watched Yoshi munched on the kimbap.
ā€œHmm, good,ā€ he said, his voice slightly muffled as he chewed on the food in his mouth.
ā€œSee? Itā€™s good, hyung! Try it!ā€ Jeongwoo said, still trying to convince Chani.
ā€œI donā€™t knowā€¦I mean, Iā€™m notā€”ā€
Chani got interrupted when in all of a sudden Doyoung raised his hand.
He lifts a finger to his mouth and whispered, ā€œShh, I think I hear footsteps approaching,ā€
Everyone fell silent for a while. They waited to hear if there were any more sounds.
ā€œHm. Nothing.ā€ Jeongwoo said, assuming that there was nothing else to be heard.
And just as they all resumed to eating their food, they heard a loud gasp coming from behind Mashiho and Doyoung.
All of them turned their heads to look at who it was.
ā€œOh??ā€ Jaehyuk said as his head popped up behind Junghwan.
ā€œWhat are you doing down here??ā€ Junghwan asked, his face in shock.
Everyone turned to look at Chani.
ā€œWait, you mean, me??ā€ Chani questioned as he points at himself.
Junghwan shook his head. ā€œSorry, I meantā€”what are you all doing here?? I thought everyone was supposed to go search for Y/n!ā€
ā€œUhh, what are you guys doing here?ā€ Chani asked Junghwanā€™s team back.
Junghwan, Asahi and Jaehyuk all exchanged looks with one another.
ā€œUhhā€¦ā€ Junghwan scratched his head and looks away from all of his hyungs.
ā€œOoohhh youā€™re all here to go sneak and buy some snacks from the convenience store!ā€ Jeongwoo said, teasing the other team.
All three whom were standing on the top part of the staircase began to blush, embarrassed that their plan was exposed this way.
ā€œYahh, youā€™re all eating and having fun anyways. Why canā€™t we do the same?ā€ Jaehyuk said this time, a slight whine in his voice.
ā€œOkay, okay. Letā€™s not argue,ā€ Doyoung said, getting up on his feet. ā€œCome here, Junghwan. Here, have some of my kimbap,ā€ he held out his ramen bowl to the maknae.
Junghwan leaned forward, peeking into the bowl. ā€œHyungā€¦Thereā€™s nothing left in thereā€¦ā€
ā€œEh??ā€ Doyoung said loudly. He checked his bowl and uses his chopstick to pick up the already broken kimbap in his broth. ā€œWhat are you saying? Thereā€™s still some kimbap here. If thatā€™s not enoughā€”my love for you will keep you full,ā€
ā€œEyyyyyyā€ Everyone groaned at his pickup line.
ā€œNoooo hyunggg donā€™t start,ā€ Jeongwoo begged.
Junghwan giggled at his hyungsā€™ antics and shook his head. ā€œFine, fine. Weā€™ll join you. What else do you all have here?ā€
Ā *
YGE Building (GS25 Mart / Ground Floor)
ā€œThatā€™s weird. I thought Mashiho and Jeongwoo were in charge of being down here,ā€ Jihoon said, as both him and Yedam stood in front of the convenience mart.
Yedam looked around, ā€œHuh. Youā€™re right. I donā€™t see them around at all,ā€
The both of them were approached by Hyunsuk and Haruto not long after, both looking tired and hungry.
ā€œJihoon-aa, where are the rest?ā€ Hyunsuk asked as he walks up towards the two in front of the store.
ā€œBeats me,ā€ Jihoon shrugged. ā€œI told Yedam to text them just now though,ā€
Haruto pulled out his phone from his pocket and tried to dial Asahiā€™s number. He shook his head when the hyung failed to pick up his call.
ā€œI guess not all of them brought their phones with them. I saw Junghwan sending his bag to the practice room earlier. He mustā€™ve left his phone in his bag,ā€ Hyunsuk reasoned.
ā€œYeah, sure, but some of them must have carried their phones with them too, you know?ā€ Jihoon replied.
The four of them looked around the area, noticing how deserted it was considering its way past lunchtime now.
ā€œOh well, I guess we can buy some food first and wait for them out here after that,ā€ Jihoon suggested. ā€œYou okay Ruto? You must be hungry, huh?ā€ he asked the youngest among the four of them there.
Haruto nods back at his hyung, ā€œSomewhat hungry,ā€
Jihoon snickers at this and gestured them all to follow him into the store. ā€œCome on,ā€
And just as the four of them were about to enter the convenience store in front of them, they heard the door not too far on their left opening.
It was the door leading to the staircase loft.
The four of them turned their heads just in time to catchā€”
Jeongwoo and Junghwan walking out of the door and chatting with each other; oblivious that their hyungs were watching them.
ā€œYahhhh I know that sunbae!! He picks on the girls in my class too! Aish, what a douche!ā€ Jeongwoo said to the maknae who was walking beside him.
ā€œReally?? Aigoo. He should know his limits though! One time, he came over to my class to pick on the girl sitting behind me too! The sunbae said to the girl; ā€˜your hair is so springy like noodles even my dog wouldnā€™t date youā€™,ā€
Jeongwoo lets out a loud gasp. ā€œThatā€™s so rude?! So, if her hair is super-straight, he wouldā€™ve said said ā€˜my hedgehog wouldnā€™t date youā€™??ā€ Jeongwoo said in annoyance.
The both of them stopped by the trash bin at the center of the floor and Jeongwoo discards the ramen bowls he collected from his hyungs before this.
ā€œOh, right. Letā€™s stop by the store and grab some soda for the other hyungs,ā€ Junghwan said. Jeongwoo nods back at him.
But then, as they turned around, they saw Jihoon already standing right in front of them, a smirk on his face.
ā€œHaving fun, kids?ā€
ā€œUh oh,ā€ both the maknaes said at the same time.
Ā *
YGE Building (Cafeteria / Rooftop Balcony)
You felt cold all over. You were starting to feel numb when you felt something poking your arms.
You scrunched your nose, feeling itchy in all of a sudden.
ā€œYahh, why wonā€™t you wake up? How long do you want to stay like this? Itā€™s cold here,ā€ the voice whined.
You stirred from your position, trying to grasp the feeling of your numb body.
Slowly, you opened your eyes, expecting for your face to be hit by the bright sun despite the cold wind that you felt the whole time.
But then, instead of the sun rays hitting your pupilsā€”you opened your eyes to meet bright, dark brown orbs staring back at you.
The both of you gasped at the same time.
You hugged your knees closer to your chin, surprised to see Junkyu sitting right in front of you, him looking as surprised as you were.
When did he get here? You were sure you had been alone earlier.
And waitā€”how did you not realise him being here??
Another gasp left your lips when you realisedā€”that you had cried yourself to sleep before this.
You touched your cheeks, feeling the sticky residue from your dried-up tears. You groaned to yourself. You probably look like a mess right now.
Junkyu watched as you touched your face, shaking your head on your own and then rubbing your eyes slightly before finally looking at him again; as if youā€™d just remembered him being there.
ā€œI uhh,ā€ you began to say. ā€œYouā€¦what are you doing hereā€¦ā€
ā€œI should be asking you the same thing. Why are you huddled up hereā€”ā€ his eyes looked around as if judging you for choosing to sit underneath the table. ā€œā€”and out here too, where itā€™s cold,ā€
Your body shivered after he pointed out the weather being cold. He was right though. You still couldnā€™t feel the tip of your fingers too. Your body mustā€™ve absorbed all the cold whilst you were out asleep, you thought.
ā€œLetā€™s go, we might catch a cold if we stay here any longer,ā€ Junkyu said when you didnā€™t respond to his question.
ā€œWhatā€”wait, go where?ā€ you asked, your mind still groggy from the sleep you had.
Junkyu looked at you as if he was mortified by your silly question. ā€œAnywhere, duh. You donā€™t want to stay here, do you??ā€
You looked away from him. A little taken aback by the way he responded to your question.
Junkyu noticed your expression changing after what he said, making him feel a little guilty. His tone mustā€™ve sounded a little harsh, he thought.
ā€œLook, I didnā€™t mean to say it like thatā€”letā€™s just get back inside, okay?ā€
ā€œWhy are you here, Junkyu?ā€ you asked him back, your eyes now on him again.
It was Junkyuā€™s turn to fall silent now, him being taken aback by your sudden question.
ā€œYouā€¦Junkyu, look. I had a bad day. And you being here, after what happened between us; itā€™s all just making my head hurts. I canā€™t. I really canā€™t deal with everything like this, not all at once,ā€ you huffed.
ā€œI know. Iā€™m sorry,ā€ you heard him say, with a small voice.
You sniffled. The crying you did earlier plus the coldness out here mustā€™ve made your nose runny, you thought as you tried to keep your runny snot from dripping out your nose that you couldnā€™t seem to feel at this point.
ā€œY/n, I knowā€¦ what I said had hurt you. And Iā€™m sorry. I really am,ā€ he paused, staring at your eyes, trying to assure you that he meant what he said.
ā€œI hope you knowā€¦that I didnā€™t mean what I said the other day,ā€ he continued.
ā€œBut you did.ā€
Junkyu shakes his head, ā€œNo, I really didnā€™t! I justā€”I justā€¦ā€ he lowered his gaze, not looking into your eyes anymore.
You let out a sigh. Taking in a deep breath, you tried to move your legs just to make sure it doesnā€™t stay numb.
Junkyu kept quiet as he watches you again. His mind racing, thinking on how to make it less awkward between the both of you. He said sorry didnā€™t he? But why is it so hard for you to accept his apology?
After making sure that you could somewhat feel your feet as you tapped your feet against the cold floor, your eyes looked back at Junkyu, noticing that he had been watching you since just now.
ā€œWhat?ā€ You asked him.
ā€œWhere are your shoes?ā€ He asked, curious as to why you were barefoot.
You looked down at your feet, embarrassed that he questioned you this.
ā€œW-well, my feet were hurting from wearing my heels. Alsoā€”I donā€™t see the point of wearing it when Iā€™m sitting down here, duh,ā€
Junkyu shrugs at your reply, not knowing what to say now.
ā€œYou donā€™t have to stay here, you know.ā€ You said.
ā€œWhat?ā€
ā€œWait, no. You havenā€™t answered my question though. What are you doing here??ā€
Junkyu shifted in his position, trying to make himself comfortable whilst sitting in front of you. He looked down at his hands for a while before looking back at you whom was waiting for his response.
ā€œWellā€¦Chani told us you had gone missing. So, we went around the building searching for youā€¦ā€
ā€œWaitā€”we?ā€
ā€œYeah, me and the other boys. And well, Chani too,ā€ he added as he rolled his eyes at the moment Chaniā€™s name came out of his mouth.
You stared at him in shock. ā€œWhoa.ā€ Just how did it come up to this? Why would they search for you though?
ā€œHold on, but youā€™re here,ā€ you pointed out.
Junkyu nods at this.
ā€œDoes that meanā€¦youā€™re the one that found me first?ā€
Again, he responds with a nod.
ā€œHuhā€¦ā€ you wondered how much of a coincidence that the only person you dreaded to meet after what happened was the person that succeeded in finding out where you were.
You sniffled again, trying to stop yourself from shivering. One thing you were glad was that you had worn your slacks instead of your skirt today. At least youā€™d feel less cold out here.
ā€œY/n,ā€
You looked at Junkyu who was giving you a serious look right now. ā€œHm?ā€
Junkyu was determined. He was determined to explain himself to you. Sitting out here, underneath this secluded table; the cold wind slowly making his ears feel numb, he realised that this was indeed the only time he would have to actually tell you everything.
When would he get the chance to be alone with you again, right?
And so, with his trembling hands, he reached out to grab your hands in his.
ā€œJ-Junkyu,ā€ you stuttered as soon as you felt his warm hands touch yours. Whatā€™s going on right now?
Junkyu took a deep breath before saying, ā€œY/n, listen, okay? I want you to listen to what I have to say.ā€
You blinked a couple times, your heart beating fast now. You nod your head slowly.
ā€œOkay,ā€ he said before swallowing the lump in his throat as he felt even more nervous now that youā€™re really focusing on him.
ā€œIā€¦I may have said some words that hurt you. And I regret it. I really did. I couldnā€™t sleep just thinking about how much I have hurt you. I saw how you looked at me that dayā€”and it pains me to have you look at me that way. That isnā€™t the way I want you to see me as,ā€ he shook his head.
ā€œY/nā€¦I really am sorry. I really am. You might think that I have meant what I said, but I didnā€™t mean it. No way. Youā€™re not annoying, not at all,ā€ he continued.
You felt your eyes welling up. You could tell that he was trying his best to apologise sincerely but then, him talking about what happened just reminded you of how painful it was to hear him say those words about you. It hurt you so badā€”to think that the person you like would have the guts to say that about you.
Junkyu felt your hands tensing up in his, so he gently rubs his thumb along your knuckles, trying to calm you down. ā€œY/n, look at me,ā€ he said.
You didnā€™t realise that you had averted your gaze from him while you were reminiscing on what happened that day. Slowly, you lift your eyes to look at him again.
ā€œI am so sorry. I was annoyedā€”yes, I admit it. But it wasnā€™t you I was annoyed with. I was justā€¦upset at the time, you see. Your name crossed my mind at the time, but it wasnā€™t you that was annoying to me, I swear!ā€
You reluctantly nod at his explanation, trying to understand what he was trying to say.
ā€œY/n, Iā€¦Actually Iā€¦ā€ Junkyu took another deep breath, gathering his courage. ā€œI uh, I likeā€”"
ā€œAHCHOO!ā€
Junkyu froze in his spot, surprised by the sudden intrusion as he was about to confess his feelings for you.
ā€œOh my god, Junkyu! Iā€™m so sorry, I didnā€™t mean toā€”ā€ you panicked as you saw him freeze and not blink after you had accidentally sneezed in his direction.
Pulling your hands out of his hold, you looked around, as if youā€™re looking for something.
ā€œDamn, I didnā€™t bring ā€˜em,ā€ you complained to yourself since you were sure you had tissues in your bag.
You turned your attention back to Junkyu who was still silent, probably still in shock of you sneezing at him. Great, he probably thinks Iā€™m gross now, you thought.
ā€œJunkyu, Iā€”ā€
ā€œDo you want to go inside?ā€ He suddenly says, interrupting you from panicking any further.
ā€œS-sure,ā€
Ā *
YGE Building (3rd Floor / Treasureā€™s Practice Room)
ā€œHold ā€˜em straight! Thatā€™s right, just like that,ā€ Jihoonā€™s firm voice boomed in the walls of their practice room.
ā€œHyungggg please, my arms are screaming at me, can we please not do this??ā€ Jeongwoo cries out, his arms shaking from holding it up straight for the past 10 minutes.
ā€œItā€™s only been 10 minutes Jeongwoo,ā€ Jaehyuk said to him.
ā€œStill! Iā€™m tired!ā€ Jeongwoo continued whining.
Jihoon shakes his head at the younger boy and scanned his eyes around the room to see if anyone was trying to get out of the punishment.
The only boys who werenā€™t punished were of course, Jihoon, Hyunsuk, Haruto and Yedam. The other three aside from Jihoon were sitting comfortably on the floor, eating up hot ramen from their purchase earlier.
ā€œThis isnā€™t fair, my team was the last to join them eating, hyung. We didnā€™t loiter as long as they did,ā€ Junghwan complained, pointing out that the other teams had indeed stopped their search way earlier than he did.
ā€œNow, now. You all have another 10 minutes to go. If I hear any more complaints, Iā€™m adding another more 5 minutes, get it?ā€
ā€œAwww nooo hyung!ā€ ā€œNo way!ā€ the younger kids in front of him groaned as they struggle to stay still.
ā€œAigoo Jihoon-aa. Just let them go already. Come here and eat with us, will ya?ā€ Hyunsuk called out to his co-leader.
Jihoon looks back at the boys in front of him before shrugging and attending to Hyunsukā€™s side. He sat himself down beside his hyung and grabbed the bowl of noodles in front of him.
ā€œHere, hyung,ā€ Haruto handed him a can of cold drink as he took one for himself.
ā€œThanks,ā€ Jihoon said, earning a nod from the boy.
ā€œYah, arenā€™t you gonna let them go just yet?ā€ Hyunsuk asked again, concerned that the kids might feel too tired for practice later.
ā€œI want to. But I canā€™t yet.ā€
ā€œWhy not?ā€
ā€œBecause,ā€ Jihoon stopped stirring his halfway-soggy noodles to turn and look at the rest whom were still raising their hands up. His eyes fell upon a specific person, making him smirk as he turns back to Hyunsuk who was still looking at him with concern. ā€œI think itā€™s kinda fun. Donā€™t you think so, hyung?ā€
Hyunsuk furrowed his eyebrows and looks over at the others. ā€œJihoonā€¦I know what youā€™re doing,ā€
ā€œAigoo, hyung. He deserves it too, no? Heā€™s been bothering you and Junkyuā€™s minds latelyā€”as if I donā€™t know that,ā€ Jihoon chuckled, finally taking a big slurp from his bowl.
Hyunsuk looks over at the rest again and mouthed a ā€˜sorryā€™ to them since he couldnā€™t help them much.
ā€œYah, Kim Doyoung. Stop moving about, will ya? Youā€™re distracting me,ā€ Chani complained.
Doyoung rolled his eyes at the boy. ā€œI wasnā€™t moving at all. I was just scooting next to Asahi-hyung,ā€
ā€œHey, no moving about!ā€
ā€œThere was no rule about changing seat positions, though,ā€ Yoshi defended Doyoung.
ā€œYeah, heā€™s just scooting over. Chill it, will ya?ā€ Junghwan replied in annoyance at the hyung.
ā€œThis is stupid. Why am I even here anyways,ā€ Chani huffed, dissatisfied as to how he was getting punished as well.
ā€œYeah. Why are you here, huh?ā€ Jaehyuk asked back.
ā€œBeats me. Your hyungs brought me here along with you guys. This is stupid, Iā€™m putting my arms downā€”ā€
ā€œIf Chani puts his arms down, Iā€™m adding 10 more minutes for you all,ā€ Jihoonā€™s voice said in all of a sudden.
Instantly, all the boys surrounded Chani and forced him to raise his arms up all over again.
ā€œHey, hey! What are you all doing?? Let go of me! Hyungggg theyā€™re all breaking the rules!ā€
ā€œHm?ā€ Jihoon tilts his head as he watches his kids and Chani struggling to push one another.
ā€œYah, yah, yah! Thatā€™s dangerous! Stop it, kids!ā€ Hyunsuk said to them but they all ignored him.
Haruto and Yedam stayed put in their spots laughing as they watched Mashiho managed to hold both Chaniā€™s arms up and the rest of the boys laughing and cheering at him.
Jihoon too, giggled as he watched this. ā€œHmm, Hyunsuk-hyung is right. Kids, you all can stop.ā€
ā€œOh?ā€ The boys stopped and turned to look at Jihoon.
ā€œYup, you all are free,ā€
ā€œYAYYYYYYY FREEDOMMMMMMā€ Jeongwoo ran around the room, chanting the word freedom over and over.
ā€œExcept for Chani,ā€
ā€œWhat?ā€ Chani looks at him in disbelief.
ā€œHey, I wouldā€™ve let you go but you were the noisiest at the end,ā€ Jihoon shrugs.
ā€œNo way,ā€
ā€œOkay kids, make sure Chani stays putting his arms up for another 10 minutes,ā€ Jihoon said casually before returning to eat his food.
ā€œHey, thatā€™s not fair! Iā€™m not even your team member. Whereā€™s your sidekick, huh? Shouldnā€™t he be getting punished too?ā€
ā€œHuh, he has a point though. Where is Junkyu anyways?ā€ Hyunsuk asks Jihoon.
Ā To be continuedā€¦
21 notes Ā· View notes
lunar-wandering Ā· 4 years ago
Text
....Family, huh?
girl help i keep posting emotional fanfics at 1 am in the morning
Word Count: 2k
read on ao3
When Wukong and MK returned from the fight of the day, Mei, Tang, Sandy, and Pigsy were all waiting for them. Once Wukong set MK on the ground, Mei immediately ran forward and drew him into a hug, being careful of his injuries. Tang and Sandy were quick to join her. Wukong sighed and turned, about to leave, when he felt a tug at the end of his scarf, stopping him. Turning, he saw that Pigsy had grabbed onto the fabric, preventing Wukong from leaving.
"...Do you need something?" Wukong asked, wanting to head back to the mountain and just rest, it had been a long day after all.
"I... wanted to thank you." Pigsy said, and wow, Wukong had not been expecting that.
"....Thank me for what?" He asked.
"For taking care of MK." Pigsy said, "The kid is like family to me, you know? They're all my family. If MK died....I'm not sure what I'd do. That being said..."
Pigsy suddenly tugged on Wukong's scarf, hard, pulling him closer to him, so that they were staring at each other eye to eye.
"If anything every happens to the kid." He said, "I can promise you this Sun Wukong. I will find a way to kill you."
"Uh." Wukong said, nervously, unsure how to respond to that. "....Point taken?"
Pigsy wrapped up this whole odd exchange by lightly ruffling Wukong's hair, much to Wukong's confusion, before finally letting go of Wukong's scarf. Wukong immediately leaned back, summoning his cloud, and vanishing. Pigsy sighed.
"Hey Pigsy!" Mei shouted, grabbing his attention. "Aren't you going to join in on the 'MK is Okay' hug?!"
"I'll do you one better." Pigsy said, "I'm going to start the lecture on why MK should never do that again."
"Hey now, there's no need for that-" MK started to say, trying to wiggle out of the hug Mei, Sandy, and Tang had effectively trapped him in, to no avail.
"You will stay, and you will learn to not make us worry like that." Tang said, as he and the others tightened their hold on MK.
"Come on guys, seriously? Do we really need to do this again?" MK asked, already resigning himself to it.
-----------
From a nearby rooftop, Wukong watched MK interact with the others, a sad smile on his face. He was just going to head back to Flower Fruit Mountain, but one part of what Pigsy said to him just kept repeating in his head.
He'd called MK family. And Sandy, and Tang, and Mei. The five of them, they were a family, Wukong was now realizing.
"Family, huh?" He muttered to himself, standing up from his crouched position. "....I don't have that anymore."
Not feeling like intruding on the family any longer, Wukong vanished, teleporting back to Flower Fruit Mountain.
...He hoped the monkeys would be enough to soothe the sudden feeling of loneliness that had washed over him.
---------
The monkeys weren't enough. He was a fool for thinking that they would be, after he had seen MK and the others interacting like that. It just....wasn't the same.
Which was why Wukong found himself sneaking in through the back door of the noodle shop. He wasn't entirely sure what he planned to do here, but he figured he could just figure that out while he did it. Wasn't like there was going to be anyone to see him in here anyways, considering the late hour.
Or at least, there shouldn't be anyone.
Wukong suddenly became aware of the sound of talking from the general eating area of the restaurant. From the voices, he could tell that it was MK and his friends. Drawing a little closer, he peeked around the corner, to see them laughing and smiling, the card game they were playing laid out on the table, forgotten as MK retold the events of the day.
They were still up. Having fun, as a family.
...He shouldn't be here.
Suddenly feeling rather stupid for doing this in the first place, (and really, why had he thought it was a good idea to come back here?), Wukong started slowly backing up, fully intending on leaving as though he was never there.
This was, of course, as fate would have it, the moment his tail happened to move in just the right wrong direction to knock a bowl off a table.
Wukong froze as the bowl shattered, the noise seeming to ring impossibly loud. The voices in the other room went quiet, and he could hear someone slowly get up and walk towards the kitchen and, oh, he should move-
"Monkey King?" MK asked, seeing him. Wukong forced himself to relax, trying to make it seem like he hadn't been about to leave in a panic.
"Hey, kid. How's it going?" He said instead, casually leaning against a table, only the swishing of his tail betraying how kinda nervous he was. MK looked both confused and concerned, and for a moment it seemed like he was going to ask him something, but he was interrupted before he could even begin, by Pigsy yelling;
"Tell that monkey that he'll have to pay for whatever he broke!"
Wukong suddenly became aware at the shards of broken bowl surrounding him. Quickly, he magicked them away, making a motion indicating MK to not say anything about it. MK rolled his eyes in response, but didn't call him out on it, so Wukong considered that a win.
Quietly, he followed MK into the main room of the restaurant.
"Ah, Wukong, care to join the game?" Tang asked when he saw him, holding up a deck of cards. "We only just started, I can still deal you in."
"Uh, sure, I guess." Wukong said, slowly sitting down at the table, picking a seat between MK and Sandy. "What are you playing?"
"Poker." Mei said, and Wukong smirked. Oh, this was going to be fun.
---------
One hour, and multiple warranted accusations of cheating later, Wukong had won the game.
"I am convinced that you cheated." Pigsy said, glaring at Wukong.
"You can't prove anything." Wukong responded, smirking as he leaned back in his chair.
"I know, and I hate it." Pigsy sighed, before glancing over at Mei and MK. The two of them had fallen asleep a little while ago, leaning on each other.
"...We should probably get Mei home." Pigsy said, standing up. "Wukong, you can bring MK up to his apartment right?"
"Who do you think I am?" Wukong asked, gently picking MK up. "He weighs but a handful of grapes to me."
Tang snorted at that, but didn't comment on it. Sandy picked up Mei and walked out the door, waving goodbye as he went. Pigsy and Tang started to clean up the table, so Wukong carefully carried MK up the stairs and into his apartment. He put MK down on his bed, transforming his clothes into pajamas as he did so. (Because while Wukong might tend to sleep in whatever he was already wearing, he knew MK always wore pajamas.)
MK stirred a little as Wukong tucked him in.
"Monkie King?" He mumbled, rolling over.
"Shh." Wukong whispered, "Go back to sleep."
"Y'know." MK said, ignoring him, "You should come to family game night more often."
Wukong froze.
"Oh." He said, "This was a. A family thing? Uh. I mean, it was fun but, I probably won't end up coming by again. This was like. A one time thing."
"Aww." MK said, sounding vaguely disappointed. "...You're always welcome to come though."
"Uh huh, sure." Wukong said, trying not to sound as....mentally shaken as he was. "I'll keep that in mind."
MK seemed to accept this answer, as he rolled over and quickly fell back asleep, leaving Wukong by himself with his thoughts. Wukong, figuring that there was no better way to deal with the emotions he was going through right now, climbed out the window and onto the roof, where he started pacing, tail waving back and forth.
What did MK mean by "always welcome"? Did he like, mean it as part of the family, or was he just inviting him to be nice? Surely that was it, right? He was just being nice, or maybe it was just him being sleep deprived!
But what if it wasn't?
...Was Wukong ready to be a part of a family again?
Wukong, caught up in his thoughts, remained ignorant to the passing of time, as he continued to pace back and forth on the roof.
This was how MK found him in the morning.
"...Monkey King?" He asked, making Wukong startle, looking down to see MK standing on the balcony. "What are you doing?"
"Oh! I was just, uh, thinking." Wukong said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. MK narrowed his eyes at him.
"Have you.... been up there all night?"
"Huh?" Wukong looked at the sky, confused, only just now realizing that the sun was rising. "Ah. I uh, lost track of time, I guess."
"So you didn't sleep at all?" MK asked, concerned, as Wukong jumped down from the roof to stand beside him on the balcony.
"Kid, I don't exactly need sleep as often as you do." Wukong snorted, leaning against the balcony rail. "You don't need to worry about me."
"When's the last time you slept?" MK asked, to Wukong's confusion.
"What?"
"When. Was. The last time. You slept." MK asked again, saying it slowly to really drive the question home. "You said you don't sleep 'as often' as me. That implies you still need to sleep. So tell me, when was the last time you slept?"
"I don't see how this is important-"
"If you don't tell me I'll go to Flower Fruit Mountain and ask the monkeys." MK said, summoning his staff, fully ready to follow through on his threat by vaulting to the mountain.
"Okay, okay, fine, you don't need to do that." Wukong sighed, "The last time I slept was....about two weeks ago."
"Two weeks?!" MK practically yelled, making Wukong flinch. "Okay, no, that's it, you're taking a nap, right now-"
"Uh, I don't think that's really necessary-" Wukong started to say, turning to leave, but was stopped by MK grabbing a hold of his scarf and dragging him back into the apartment and oh, Wukong really regretted giving MK super strength now. Even though MK's arm was still injured, the kid had a ridiculous amount of strength and energy.
"Listen," MK said, "I did not sit through 27 lectures from Pigsy and Tang about taking care of myself just to watch another member of my family make the same mistakes I did."
"Another member of your what?" Wukong asked, shock flowing through him, but he was ignored as MK all but threw him onto the couch, pulling blankets out of a closet. He dumped the blankets on top of the Monkey King. Wukong fumbled with the blankets for a moment, finally getting his head free of them, only to be smacked in the face with a pillow MK threw at him.
He, thankfully, managed to dodge the second pillow.
"...Why do you have so many blankets and pillows?" Wukong questioned.
"Me and Mei build blanket forts sometimes." MK said, pulling out the last of the blankets. "Pigsy and Sandy bring up snacks, and Tang will bring up old movies as well. You can join in the next time we build one, but for now, you are going to nap."
Wukong figured that there was no way he was going to be getting out of this situation, so he decided to just accept it, laying down and closing eyes.Ā 
He couldn't sleep though.
MK had just called him family.
....Why? What did Wukong do that could've possibly made MK see him as family?
He didn't understand. He really didn't.
But...something about the idea of being MK's family....just felt right. Like it was meant to happen.
Mind spent from the emotional whirlwind that had been the past 24 hours, Wukong finally fell asleep.
And he dreamt of the games and bonding moments he had with his family from long ago. Somehow, despite missing them, some part of him knew, that he had found a new family with the people he was with now.
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invisibleanonymousmonsters Ā· 4 years ago
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Non-Sequential [Ch. 28]
Pairing: Pre-Serum Steve Rogers/Steve Rogers x Reader
One night, Steve Rogers met a beautiful dame named Y/N. He hadnā€™t intended on letting her get away. But fate had other ideas. Y/N appeared and disappeared in his life so hauntingly that Steve started to wonder if she was an angel meant to watch over him.
Word Count: 2,300
Chapter 27
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The Battle of Wakanda was simultaneously the shortest and longest day of Steve Rogersā€™ life.
The dog-like aliens were released in too many droves, making Steve believe they would never stop attacking. Even if Shuri was successful in detaching the stone from Vision, would destroying it even stop these monsters? But Steve didnā€™t have time to think about that.
Thorā€™s arrival felt like a blink to Steve. He didnā€™t have time to process the return of his long-lost friend. The two of them were too busy trying to survive. But Steve somehow seemed to sense the personal ties Thor had in this war.
Steve started to come to on the forest floor. His body quick to recover from being knocked unconscious by Thanos. But it wasnā€™t fast enough.
He slowly got to his feet and looked up to find Thor pressing his axe into Thanosā€™ chest. But for some reason, Steve knew it was too soon to celebrate a victory. Something felt off. Ā 
ā€œNooo!ā€ Thor bellowed just before Thanos snapped his fingers.
A flash blinded Steve as he tried to move forward.
When he regained his vision, Thanos fell backwards into a portal and disappeared.
Steve clutched his side as he made his way to Thor. ā€œWhereā€™d he go?ā€
Thor said nothing, just remained in a daze and breathed heavily.
ā€œThor?ā€ Steve begged. ā€œWhereā€™d he go?ā€
ā€œSteve?ā€ Buckyā€™s voice begged for his attention.
But when Steve looked over, Buckyā€™s body was already disappearing, turning into ash.
With utter shock, Steve slinked to the pile of ash that once was his best friend.
Him and Thor shared a look, finally understanding what was happening.
Everyone regrouped. Wellā€¦ not everyone.
Steve went to Visions body, colorless and lifeless. The stone was missing from his forehead, proving what they were already figuring out.
ā€œWhat is this?ā€ Rhodey asked. ā€œWhat the hell is happening?ā€
Steve breathed deeply as it all finally made sense. ā€œOh, God.ā€
Then her face flashed in his mind.
ā€œY/N,ā€ he gasped and jumped to his feet.
ā€œSteveā€¦ā€ Nat called after him, but there was no life in her voice. She just sounded scared.
All the injuries he had meant nothing to him now as he sprinted back to the palace at super-soldier speed. It didnā€™t matter how much his body hurt and protested. All that mattered was getting to her.
He ignored the panicked looks and the various piles of ash that were scattered across the palace hallways.
He shoved his shoulder against the doors of the wing that protected the royal family and Y/N.
When he entered, the Queen Mother whipped around with tears in her eyes.
Steveā€™s eyes raced around the room, looking for her. ā€œY/N!ā€ He yelled.
But when he did not find her or receive an answer, his gaze returned to Ramonda.
She simply shook her head.
ā€œNo,ā€ Steve whispered as he shook his head. ā€œNo.ā€
ā€œSheā€™s gone,ā€ Ramonda gasped. ā€œShuri and her...a-and the rest of them.ā€
First his best friend and now the love of his life.
Tears filled his eyes.
He left, needing to go to her room. Despite the Queen Motherā€™s words, Steveā€™s heart wouldnā€™t believe her. She couldnā€™t be gone. It could not be true.
But what he found was an empty bedroom. Clean and barren.
It took a second glance around the room to see the envelope that lay waiting on her nightstand.
Steve didnā€™t know how it caught his eye when he was having a breakdown.
He saw his name written on it ā€“ just Steve. But it was Y/Nā€™s handwriting.
His hand shook as he reached out to pick it up.
He already knew what he was going to find waiting for him inside the envelope.
Y/N knew this was coming. She had seen it. Kept the secret hidden as her own burden to bare. Letting everyone else live in blissful ignorance.
Steve,
By the time you find this, Iā€™m sure you will have figured out what has happened. Thanos was successful. And with his success I have been taken from you.
You have also already realized that I knew this was going to happen. Iā€™ve known forā€¦Well, it doesnā€™t matter how long Iā€™ve known.
Iā€™m sorry I didnā€™t warn you. I knew it would destroy you, and maybe it wouldā€™ve destroyed us. Is it selfish that I just wanted our time together to be spent without the dread of the future looming over our heads?
I know this is not the goodbye you want or need. But this is all we could have.
Steve, I love you. I love you more than I could ever put into words. You know they arenā€™t my strong suit. But I hope I made you feel that love.
I know you, Steve. I know you will be OK. You were always stronger than me. You can survive missing me, but I wouldā€™ve never survived missing you.
I love you, Steve.
Please donā€™t forget me.
Steve turned the page over, expecting to find more written.Ā 
But that was it.
He wanted more. He needed it. It was a goodbye, but why did he feel like something was missing or that something was off?
The next couple of days were a blur. He hid his feelings. The team needed him. They didnā€™t need a broken Steve Rogers; they needed Captain America. He wasnā€™t the only person that lost someone. They all had.
The team decided to return to the compound in New York, regroup and make a plan. Then they discovered Furyā€™s pager and Carol Danvers explained her relation to it, and Steve allowed himself to feel hope.
But their attack ended in disappointment.
Steve knew in hindsight that it made sense: Y/N wouldnā€™t have written him a letter saying goodbye if they could bring the world back in a few days.
The solution wasnā€™t that easyā€¦ if there even was a solution.
Now Steve sat on the dock on the lake. The compoundā€™s lights werenā€™t lit like before ā€“ well, everything ā€“ making it easier to actually see the stars.
He heard her walking up behind him. But he wasnā€™t really in the mood for talking. Maybe if he pretended she wasnā€™t there, she wouldnā€™t try to engage.
But sheā€™s not one to back down like that.
Nat sat down next to him on the dock, dipping her barefoot into the lake.
ā€œI think Iā€™m going toā€¦get out of here. Thinking about Brooklyn.ā€ Steve spoke first.
ā€œSteveā€¦ā€ She started.
ā€œI canā€™t stay here, Nat. Everything reminds me of her. The grass on that lawn? Every time I look at it, I think of the night she met me. When I walk into that kitchen, Iā€™m still convinced sheā€™s going to be standing in there waiting for me with a mug of coffee in her hands.ā€
ā€œSo, thatā€™s it? The Avengers are no more?ā€ She challenged.
ā€œWe lost, Nat.ā€
ā€œIt was just lost one war, Steve. There will be others. There already are. Carol saysā€“ā€
But Steve whipped his head to look at her. ā€œWe didnā€™t just lose a war,ā€ he snapped. ā€œI lost everything!ā€ Then he controlled his temper. ā€œShe was everything,ā€ he muttered as he looked back onto water.
Nat didnā€™t say anything more, already knowing when Steve made up his mind, there was no changing it. The only person more stubborn than him was Tony.
ā€œHave you found him yet?ā€ Steve asked her carefully.
She shook her head. ā€œHis house arrest bracelet was cut, which can only mean he survived. And there was a call to the compound just minutes after the snap.ā€ Her eyes started watering. ā€œI know heā€™s out there. But I think Laura and the kidsā€¦ā€ She couldnā€™t even bring herself to say it.
ā€œYou shouldnā€™t stay here,ā€ Steve told her as he looked back at the compound. It was empty and looked lifeless. The agents and scientists that once busied the space were either snapped or had gone back to what family and friends they had left.
Nat ignored his statement.
ā€œThorā€™s left. Bruce is acting strange. Tony has clung to Pepper. Rhodey is going back to DC. You shouldnā€™t be here by yourself, Nat.ā€
ā€œSo, where should I go? To New York City with you?ā€ She challenged.
ā€œIs that such a terrible idea?ā€ He asked.
ā€œI canā€™t, Steve. I can still help people. I know I can.ā€
He stood up. ā€œYou knowā€¦there are other ways to do that than just this.ā€
ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”
Some Time Laterā€¦
Steveā€™s eyes snapped open when he heard the intruder.
His apartment had been restored to keep the character from the time period he was truly from, while being updated enough to be accepted and functional in modern society. But with it came squeaky floorboards and sometimes lack of soundproofing.
But that just meant that there was no mistaking when there was some other presence in his home.
He slipped out of bed completely silent.
Steve didnā€™t have his shield, but he doubt he would need it to defend himself from a thief.Ā 
Crime had skyrocketed since the snap. Turned out that Thanosā€™ mission didnā€™t include only ridding the world of bad people. Some took advantage of the worldā€™s vulnerable state, stealing and killing and assaulting others.
But when Steve peaked around the corner, he didnā€™t find a burglar.
ā€œItā€™s just me,ā€ she said gently.
Immediately recognizing the voice, Steve rushed around the corner.
Y/N was waiting for him with the blanket from the couch wrapped around her naked body.
Before she even had a chance to say his name or a hello, Steve was pulling her into his arms. The gesture wasnā€™t uncommon for him, but it still took her by surprise a bit.
ā€œHi,ā€ she breathed into his shoulder.
He pulled back a bit, ā€œHi.ā€
His eyes and body language were now uncertain.
And Y/N knew why: he was trying to figure out what she knew and where she had come from.
ā€œItā€™s after his snap?ā€ She asked him quietly, proving that she already was aware and he didnā€™t have to be careful about what he said to her.
He just nodded sadly. ā€œIā€™ve missed you,ā€ he whispered.
Steveā€™s situation was simultaneously lucky and heartbreaking. Unlike his friends that survived, he got glimpses of the person he lost. Y/Nā€™s time traveling that once felt like a curse was now a gift to Steve.
He got to hold her, to be reminded of how her skin felt and what she smelled like and how warm or cold her body felt against his.
Y/N leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. She didnā€™t want to think about when the last time that he felt her lips.
Steve blinks suddenly. ā€œSorry! Let me get you some clothes.ā€
Before she could stop him, he rushed back into his bedroom and started shuffling through drawers, determined to find Y/Nā€™s favorite sweatpants and t-shirt of his.
When he looked up with the clothes in his hands, Y/N was leaning against the doorway with an appreciative grin.
She thanked him as she took the clothes from him.
Steve turned his back to give her some space to change, but he couldnā€™t find it in him to leave the room and truly give her privacy. He was scared she would disappear at any moment and he didnā€™t want to miss a second of her visit.
He heard Y/N giggle behind him. It sent a chill down his spine.
ā€œItā€™s nothing you havenā€™t seen before, Steve. In fact, you see it quite often.ā€
He slowly turned to find her already dressed. He cleared his throat, ā€œSorry. It seems Iā€™m not sure how to act around you anymore.ā€
She walked up to him and cupped his cheek. ā€œYou donā€™t have to be sorry, Steve.ā€
He nodded.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™re looking at me as if Iā€™m a ghost,ā€ she whispered to him.Ā 
And in a way, she was.Ā 
Her hands then went to his shoulders. He seemed to preen at her touch, so sheā€™d give him as much of it as she possibly could.
ā€œCan I ask you something?ā€ He muttered.
Steve only said things like that when he was nearing a fine line, when he wanted to ask her something about her time traveling. Something that he already knew she wouldnā€™t want to tell him.
But Y/N nodded.
ā€œWhen did you find out?ā€
He didnā€™t have to elaborate, Y/N knew what he was asking about.
ā€œNot until I was living in Wakanda.ā€ She kept it generic.
Steve seemed somewhat relieved by it. He couldnā€™t imagine Y/N keeping the secret of the apocalypse for longer that she already had. A couple years was still torture. But Steve had been imagining the worst, often thinking of a teenage Y/N learning of the end of the world, having it haunt her ever moment.
ā€œIā€™m sorry,ā€ Steve whimpered. ā€œIā€™m sorry I didnā€™t save you.ā€
Y/N him to her. ā€œOh, Steve. Shh. There was nothing you could do.ā€
ā€œIā€™ve lost so many innocent lives. And I used to tell myself that as long as I had you, I could bare that guilt. But once I lost youā€¦ā€
Y/N shushed him again. ā€œYouā€™re a hero. No one has ever doubted that. But youā€™re still just a man, Steven Grant Rogers. And Thanos ā€“ Thanos was a titan. A titan with the most powerful weapon in the universe. None of you stood a chance.ā€
Steve nodded, but she knew it would take more than a few words from her to convince him of that.
ā€œI wish you could stay,ā€ he muttered.
She wiped away some of his tears that had escaped. ā€œI wish I could, too.ā€
He pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.
All the tension left him from just the feeling of her. His body hadnā€™t relaxed since the last time heā€™d properly held her in his arms ā€“ before the snap, before the Battle of Wakanda.
Nevertheless, when he opened his eyes again, Y/N was already gone. The sweatpants and t-shirt she had been wearing piled at his feet.
It was then that Steve wondered if he really was luckier than everyone. Because having to say goodbye to Y/N over and over and over again now felt like a different type of torture.
Maybe her visits were going to become his drug. In the end, they werenā€™t good for him. But he still craved them like his life depended on them.
-------------------
Chapter 29
Just want to clarify that I have notĀ ā€œreturnedā€ from my hiatus or to this tumblr in general.Ā 
Quite frankly this fandom has lost its fucking mind and Iā€™m rather disgusted with the behavior Iā€™ve seen in the past month or so.Ā 
No wonder all of the talented writers have left.
Iā€™m only finishing this stupid series to clear my conscious. But I regretted looking back to see that while +2,500 people follow this seriesā€™ masterlist, the past few chapters have received 300 or less notes. And that, I tell you, is one of the reasons I hate it here.Ā 
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theunstuffedpepper Ā· 3 years ago
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I posted 304 times in 2021
240 posts created (79%)
64 posts reblogged (21%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 0.3 posts.
I added 602 tags in 2021
#ask - 137 posts
#anon - 130 posts
#momblr - 100 posts
#operationkay10 - 66 posts
#no reblogs please - 62 posts
#personal - 48 posts
#food - 19 posts
#postpartum - 16 posts
#fitblr - 13 posts
#personal fitblr - 11 posts
Longest Tag: 115 characters
#really starting to look forward to some point in time when i donā€™t have to worry ab how much caffeine iā€™m consuming
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
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77 notes ā€¢ Posted 2021-01-28 15:18:53 GMT
#4
Iā€™ve been quiet over here, largely because I donā€™t know what to write and only writing about the good stuff seems insincere. Iā€™ve been struggling, friends. I finally called to make an appointment with my OBGYN office to discuss PPD, because after questioning for months and months if this was bad enough to be considered PPD, Iā€™m throwing my hands up in the air and saying whether it is or itā€™s not, I need some support and some help. They were able to get me in for an appointment tomorrow. So, Iā€™m really nervous about it, but Iā€™m hoping this is the first step in a better direction.
80 notes ā€¢ Posted 2021-09-29 13:42:06 GMT
#3
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What a crazy year my body has had so far, huh?
Photo 1: 1/4/21, ~240lbs (12 days pre-delivery)
Photo 2: 1/27/21, 216lbs (11 days post-delivery)
Photo 3: 4/16/21, 206lbs (3 months post-delivery)
Looking at the third photo that I took today, I almost donā€™t even recognize myself. The difference between the last two photos is only 10 pounds and yet I see such a difference. Granted, the angle is different, but still.. I was still so swollen from giving birth in the second photo.
If anything, putting this together has given me major motivation to keep going. This month Iā€™ve gained and lost the same few pounds, and Iā€™m still at the same weight as I was on April 1st. That aside, Iā€™m feeling rejuvenated ā€” like hey, I really have made some strides toward being healthier and more fit ā€” and I definitely wanna keep that going.
114 notes ā€¢ Posted 2021-04-16 19:45:33 GMT
#2
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132 notes ā€¢ Posted 2021-01-20 22:10:22 GMT
#1
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What a whirlwind of craziness over here lately! Firstly, Iā€™m sharing here because itā€™s IMPOSSIBLE to ā€œjournalā€ or talk about whatā€™s going on with me lately here without mentioning that.. yep.. Iā€™m pregnant! Again. šŸ˜
I had my confirmation ultrasound yesterday and it turns out that Iā€™m 8w5d along already ā€” still super early, but everything measured great and the babyā€™s heart beat was nice and strong. Due date is set for June 18, which is extra fun, because thatā€™s four days after my birthday!
So far, IRL, only my parents, my mother-in-law and @operationkay10 know, and @nycnomad too of course, and weā€™re gonna keep it that way until I hit the 12-week mark, I think. At that point itā€™ll be December, so weā€™re thinking of sharing the news with the rest of family and friends over the Christmas holiday.
Iā€™m SO exhausted basically all the time ā€” I wake up tired most days ā€” and the morning sickness with this one is more significant than with pep. I got so lucky with not having much morning sickness with him at all. Because of the differences Iā€™m noticing, Iā€™m kinda (really) hoping this oneā€™s a girl. More realistically, because itā€™s so early, Iā€™m just taking it one day and one week at a time.
What else is going on? Right now in our house, everyone is sick. Pep has had congestion and a runny nose for the past two days - trouble sleeping big time. Luckily today he seems to be doing a bit better, just in time for B and I to catch it. For us it seems to be more of a cough and sore throat kinda thing. Fingers crossed this passes very soon. Either way, Iā€™m so grateful that I have off today for Veterans Day so we can take it easy and take turns napping in shifts. šŸ˜…
143 notes ā€¢ Posted 2021-11-11 14:05:28 GMT
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cosmiclatte28 Ā· 4 years ago
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Maniac (Taeyong x you, Yuta)
warning : mention of Taeyong being a maniac and mad scientist.Ā 
Itā€™s pure fictional and no these are nothing real and Taeyong is not like that. Please just read this for fun :) enjoy!!Ā 
The sparks of fire from connecting wires, constant buzzing noise from the generator in the dim room, and the wet shirt drenched in sweat didn't stop the young scientist in finishing his biggest project.
Grunting when his sweat falls on his hand and causes the screwdriver he held falls, he tosses them to the table and walks away to take off his shirts. He wipes his sweaty face and body with a towel he has in his garage and gulps the last volume of water.
Right in time when he finishes his water, a man enters the room with two cold beer and a plate of sandwich
"Take some break Taeyong," the man with a hint of Japanese accent walks to sit beside the bare-chested man with red hair.
Taeyong smiles a little when he sees the blonde Japanese guy calmly makes himself comfortable sitting beside him.
"Your accent is getting better." Taeyong wipes his hands to the towel and chugs on the cold drink Yuta brought.
Yuta chuckles "Thanks, I practice hard like you told me to." He looks around and sees the project Taeyong is working on
"How is it?"
Taeyong sighs "I cannot connect the last wire and burnt some of the metal pieces."
Yuta stands to examine the thing closely, he's Taeyong's best partner when it comes to robotic and he's been a lot of help in designing things.
"Let me try, my hands might be handier." Yuta focuses his eyes on the wires and opens a palm waiting for Taeyong to toss the tool he needs.
Taeyong just tosses the connector and lay down on the sofa for a moment he needs to rest his eyes.
"Tae!" Yuta's happy voice wakes him up. Taeyong scurries to his side and smiles when Yuta made the last wire connected. Ā 
"Thank you!" He pats Yuta's back several time as his eyes scan through the metal pieces.
"What next?" Yuta also sounds excited and interested in seeing Taeyong finish this project successfully.
"I just need to put in this programmed chip." Taeyong explains as he bites his lip when pushing the microchip into the socket.
The two young men hold their breath and almost forgot how to breathe when the metal piece standing in front of them opens their eyes.
"YOU DID IT!!!" Yuta hugs Taeyong tightly and even carries him and make one spin to congratulate his best friend's hard work.
Taeyong cannot hide his happy tears "Thank you Yuta! It's also thanks to your help!"
He did it, Lee Taeyong, 27 years old, made his first project comes to life.
He built an artificial intelligent that resembles human up to 90%. He graduated with a computer degree and some gifted robotic skills and with the help of Yuta, his father introduced Yuta to him before he graduated.
Taeyong shared a house with Yuta and felt comfortable enough to tell Yuta about his project, Taeyong built the garage to be his workshop and Yuta as his project assistant.
Yuta designed the human robot, according to Taeyong's description and requests. Yuta worked so hard on making the outer body of the AI to look like human and he did not disappoint Taeyong when one day Taeyong woke up to a pretty AI suite.
"You're crazy!" Taeyong said when he first touches the 'skin' of the robot Yuta worked on for a month.
Yuta shook his head "I just found the best materials! This looks super pretty because your design in first place is already breath-taking. Plus I know what I want more." Yuta tapped his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze "I know it's hard for you Tae, but if your wish is to make an AI based on (y/n), I promise I'll support you, besides I am happy to get a new friend." Thereā€™s something fishy on the way Yuta pronounced new
Taeyong hugged Yuta for his gentle words. ā€œYouā€™re always my friend and I always let you know my other friends too, what do you mean?ā€
Yuta chcukles ā€œI mean the one like me. I finally have an artificial intelligent friend Tae.ā€
Taeyong looks into Yutaā€™s eyes and memories come back flooding his minds.
Yes, Taeyong had just lost the love of his life. He met you when he was a bachelor and he asked you out on your second year. You dated and graduated together only for you to tell him the news that you're terminally ill. Taeyong was shocked and surprised, he asked you why you never told him. And as clichƩ as it sounds, you told him "It's for the best."
Taeyong recorded all of the things you do with him, he secretly noted down everything you liked to do. By the time you left him forever, Taeyong already has the most important things he loves from you.
It took him a year to finally feel less sad than before (though still sad).
He told Yuta his idea of making an AI to replace you because he felt so empty and Yuta is always in for things to make Tae happy again.
For one-year Taeyong started working on the program, then to the metal bones and with Yuta's help he got the outer design perfect like you. There are so many trials and errors and Taeyong ever feels like giving up, but Yuta is always there to cheer him up and telling Taeyong it is okay to rest and when he wants to continue Yuta will help. That makes Taeyong continues his project until today.
Standing before him is a 98% copy of you. Physically this is like you, with no organs but he programmed you to have feelings and inputted memories from your dates with him. He tried his best to make the old (y/n) into this shell of metals and wires and silicone.
Right now, the AI he's working so hard for is reciting the greetings Taeyong programmed and Taeyong smiles when he heard your voice there. Well he had recorded some phrases of yours he loves and put it in the program.
ā€œI am going to take a good care of her and make sure she is comfortable!ā€ Yuta happily takes over the computer program and monitors your new health.
Taeyong takes a step back to sit on his sofa. There he sees Yuta and you, trying to communicate with one another. Taeyong smiles sadly when he realizes all of his life, heā€™s been surrounded by artificial things. His father was a famous smart inventor and he made Yuta, the first AI designed to take care of Taeyong, make him happy and make sure he gets all the helps he needed. Yuta was built perfectly for Taeyongā€™s fatherā€™s generation, though in some things like language his dad set Yuta to speak Japanese so Taeyong can practice his Japanese. After his father died of old age, Taeyong taught Yuta Korean, and updated some of his program. Now Yuta was programmed more like a friend rather than a guardian figure. Yuta doesnā€™t look like a robot, some of Taeyongā€™s bestfriend wouldnā€™t know if Taeyong did not tell them.
Yuta has been the greatest friend he has, although he is artificial he is capable of feeling and showing emotions.
Taeyong chuckles when his mind comes back to the present. Beside him, you sit while resting your head on his shoulder, the same way you always did back then. He caresses your hair and whispers, ā€œI love you (y/n), to the point where I became crazy.ā€
That night Taeyong can finally sleep in peace when he knows he has you back right beside him, sleeping safe and sound.
ā€œI am sorry honey if I turned into a maniac. But I, Lee Taeyong, am your maniac.ā€ His eyes glint in the dark and he pulls over the blanket over his head.
As mad as a scientist can get, when one has their desired goal they wonā€™t stop until they get it.
Ā Yuta sits back on his private room. He plugs his charging battery into the socket and sits down while his hand reaches out for a pen and a paper. Carefully Yuta notes down the things that happens to Taeyong today. He notes how Taeyong finished his project, he notes how he is also happy to see (y/n) back in the form of an AI and Yuta cannot wait to have some time alone to tell (y/n) the things she needs to know living as AI. Yuta places the paper into a neat folder coded by years. He puts it back to the shelf next to four other years. Taeyongā€™s dad programmed Yuta to always make daily entries of what happens to his son, and Yuta will never forget that obligation. Taeyong never know about this, but Yutaā€™s sure one day Taeyong will see just how much things he had done in this life that bring a lot of happiness to others and to Yuta.
Yuta knows Taeyong looks like a mad scientist, a maniac, but for his entire life Yuta has only known these types of people as his family. The inventor and Taeyong. Yuta just learn about other peopleā€™s life that is different than his when Taeyongā€™s friends come to visit.
All in all, Yuta is glad his young master, or best friend is now happy with the love of his life. Carefully Yuta glances to his small monitor in his hand, it is the countdown to the day he will be shut down. He was programmed that when Taeyong reached the biggest goal he has, and when he got a new replacement Yuta might be shut down permanently. Taeyong doesnā€™t have to know this, Yuta saw how hard it for Taeyong was to let you go when he knows how many days were left.
The young AI investigates his screen, 72:00:00 and the countdown started.
Yuta smiles when he peeks his head over to see his best friend already finding his happiness back. Right, 72 hours should be enough for Yuta to make sure (y/n) knows everything she needs to know about Taeyong.
Heā€™s glad at least he can finish his goal, shutting down is not something Yutaā€™s afraid of. He just wants Taeyong to be happy and heā€™ll rest forever in peace.
Ā Little did Yuta know, Taeyong will realize about the countdown and he will find a way to stop it.
Ā  end
how is it? Did you see it coming that Yuta is an AI too? I had this crazy plot just in the crazy hours before I can sleep... I am sorry if this is messy, itā€™s done in a rush when I had the inspiration and my brain was working well.Ā 
Please look forward to the 12 days of Christmas fanfic project!! I finished everything and youā€™ll be able to read it starting from 26 Dec!Ā 
have a nice holiday!!
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whumpinggrounds Ā· 4 years ago
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Febuwhump Day 28: ā€œYou Have To Let Me Goā€
jumping ahead a bit in the timeline but only a very tiny bit - pretty much lays out where i am goin with the rest of this business :)
i did 27/28 days of this! which is super cool but also a lil sad b/c cā€™monnn i couldnā€™t just finish??? o well. will maybe take a break for a few days but also....maybe not. maybe i will just keep posting all the goddamn time and everyone will have to deal with that. much to think about
anyway - tagging @shapeshiftersandfire and @killtheprotagonist !
CW: lady whump, pet whump, angst, blood mention v briefly, aftermath of conditioning, i think thatā€™s it??
ā€œSo, hey, what do you want for dinner?ā€ Mara calls it over her shoulder, peering into the fridge and trying to decide what she can make out of leftovers and three eggs. Thereā€™s boxed mac n cheese in the pantry, and microwave burritos in the freezer, but she really needs to get to the grocery store so they can eat something that hasnā€™t been processed by six different machines. ā€œWe donā€™t have much here, so maybe we could order dinner tonight and cook tomorrow?ā€
Behind her, Jude-not-Judeā€™s voice is quiet and completely unobtrusive. ā€œI would be happy with whatever you would like.ā€
Biting her lip, Mara shuts the fridge, turns to rifle through the pantry. She reminds herself to stay patient. She takes a deep breath and makes her voice come out upbeat again. ā€œI know you love that chicken soup that my dad showed us how to make. I donā€™t have the broth, but I was thinking we could have that tomorrow and tonight get like, pizza or something.ā€
ā€œIf thatā€™s what you want, it sounds lovely, thank you.ā€
The handlers train them to modulate their voices that way, soft and quiet and perfectly pleasant. God, how Mara wishes that Jude-not-Jude would crack a sarcastic joke, or forget to respond because she got distracted, or argue with Mara because she doesnā€™t want pizza, she wants ramen and no, soup two nights in a row is a great idea.
ā€œDo, um, do you think youā€™ll want corn in it, because my dad has started putting corn in, but youā€™ve never tried it that way, so I donā€™t know if you want, umā€¦ā€ The energy is draining out of Mara even as she talks. She canā€™t turn around to face Jude-not-Judeā€™s blank eyes. ā€œI donā€™t know if you want it the way we used to have it.ā€ Please, for the love of God, say something, anything, as long as itā€™s real. Please, be a person. Just for a minute, try to be a person.
ā€œWhatever you want will make me perfectly happy.ā€
Taking a deep, shuddery breath, Mara turns to face Jude-not-Judeā€™s deferentially lowered eyes. The other woman is standing near the counter, lingering next to Mara the way sheā€™s been taught, in case her owner needs something. The hovering makes Mara want to shove her. She longs to turn around just once and find Jude-not-Jude sprawled on the couch, utterly oblivious to what Maraā€™s doing, but thatā€™s not something that can happen anymore. Another deep breath, and Mara tries again.
ā€œIā€™m asking you what you want, babe,ā€ she reminds Jude-not-Jude, almost pleading with her. If Jude-not-Jude would just listen ā€“ would just try to understand ā€“ would just try. ā€œI-you love this soup, I promise, my dad taught us one weekend when I brought you home to meet my parents, and maybe if you try it ā€“ if you just try-ā€
Mara doesnā€™t realize sheā€™s clenching her fists until she feels the wetness on her palms where her fingernails dig into her skin. She doesnā€™t know if sheā€™s sad or angry, she just knows sheā€™s losing grip on whatever storm is boiling in her chest. She shuts her eyes, fighting to control herself, and when she opens them again, Jude-not-Jude is standing in front of her, in the narrow aisle between the counter and the fridge, and she reaches out for Mara, eyes nervous but soft in a way that canā€™t be just training, it canā€™t be. She wonā€™t close the distance without an order, but Mara takes two steps and almost knocks Jude-not-Jude backwards with the force of her embrace.
ā€œIā€™m sorry,ā€ Jude-not-Jude murmurs into Maraā€™s hair, sounding truly upset. ā€œIā€™m sorry. Iā€™m sorry, M-Mara.ā€
Itā€™s been long enough that she only stumbles a little over Maraā€™s first name, but even that feels like a knife in Maraā€™s gut. You should be sorry! Itā€™s an unfair, desperate wail that stays in Maraā€™s head. You left me, you left, Jude, you left. For minutes, Mara just stands there and shakes with all the impotent emotion in her, clinging to Jude-not-Jude as if that will help, as if it will change things, as if it will mean something.
When she finally pulls back, Mara knows her face is red and blotchy, jaw tight, but Jude-not-Jude still looks at her as though sheā€™s everything. The adoration in her eyes makes Mara smile, just a little, at her sweetness. ā€œIā€™m sorry,ā€ Jude-not-Jude says again, and Mara shakes her head.
ā€œItā€™s, um, itā€™s all right,ā€ she assures her girl, voice still thick and strange. Theyā€™ve had this conversation before, when Mara first tried to take the collar, and the girl hyperventilated and cried and begged until Mara couldnā€™t fight her anymore. At least, this time, Jude-not-Jude isnā€™t crying. Mara takes a deep breath, draws on her patience. ā€œItā€™s okay. Iā€™m not...weā€™ll get there. Just a little more time, and, and-ā€
ā€œMara.ā€ Jude-not-Judeā€™s voice is soft as always, but as firm as Maraā€™s ever heard it. Thatā€™s enough to earn her attention. When she looks at Jude-not-Jude, the other woman is biting her lip, clearly nervous but determined to get something out. She keeps darting nervous glances at Maraā€™s face, afraid to look into her eyes even though Mara has promised thatā€™s what she wants. It takes her a few moments, a few big breaths. ā€œI-Iā€™m sorry, b-butā€¦ā€
The silence hangs between them, unbearable. ā€œBut what?ā€ Mara finally presses, forgetting herself in her impatience. ā€œJude?ā€
Jude-not-Jude winces, draws a deep breath, and shakes her head. ā€œIā€¦I know you missā€¦her. I know she was yourā€¦friend, Mara.ā€ Her voice is so soft itā€™s hard to hear. ā€œBut Iā€™mā€¦notā€¦Jude.ā€
Swallowing hard, Mara shakes her head. Jude-not-Jude looks pained, miserable, but if Mara can just make her understand, itā€™ll all be okay. Itā€™ll start to be okay again. Mara holds the girlā€™s shoulders, puts real conviction in her voice. ā€œNo ā€“ no look, I know you donā€™t remember but you, you were her. I mean, you are her, and if we give it time and get you some help, you can-ā€
ā€œN-n-no.ā€ Jude-not-Judeā€™s voice is slipping from her usual perfect calm into something a little more ragged, a little more desperate. ā€œNo, Mara. Maybe I wasā€¦maybe I was someone before, but I canā€™tā€¦ā€ She swallows hard, looks at Mara with searching eyes. ā€œIā€™mā€¦Iā€™m not h-her. I canā€™t be her.ā€
ā€œJudeā€¦ā€
ā€œNo.ā€ Jude-not-Jude flinches at the sound of the name, and Mara releases her shoulders, grimacing at the misery in the Box Babeā€™s voice. ā€œP-please Iā€¦I canā€™t be her. I donā€™t know how. I canā€™t. P-please just give me a name and, and Iā€™ll be yours. Iā€™ll be your Box Babe. They trained me really well.ā€ She sounds hopeful, looks hopeful, looks up at Mara with big green eyes so Mara has to turn away. ā€œI want to be good for you. I can be good for you if, if you tell me what to do. I promise Iā€™ll be good. I just canā€™tā€¦I canā€™t beā€¦I canā€™t be a person. Iā€™m not. I canā€™t.ā€
By the end of this speech Jude-not-Jude is pleading with her, chest heaving, green eyes shining with unshed tears. It makes Mara want to wail, slam her hands over her ears, shake Jude-not-Jude until her teeth rattle. Mara thinks sheā€™ll do anything just to drown out the words, but, carving her nails into her palms, she forces herself to listen, to look, to see the pain her girl is in. Everything in Mara tells her to fight, to argue, to not take no for an answer. But Jude-not-Jude looks so lost and so scared and maybeā€¦maybe itā€™s not fair to her, trying to guide her back to her old life. Maybe the only way forward is for her and Mara to find some kind of new life.
It hurts. It hurts so goddamn much, the idea of letting go of Jude. The thought of it takes Maraā€™s breath away. ā€œI want you back,ā€ Mara tries, one last time, softly, almost pleading. ā€œI miss you so much.ā€
ā€œI know.ā€ Jude-not-Jude looks at her, that nervous look she gets when she doesnā€™t want to ask for something. Her arms are held stiffly at her sides and Mara knows what she wants, so she reaches for her, and Jude-not-Jude all but collapses into her arms. Mara thinks she feels Jude-not-Jude let out a sigh. Her soft careful voice comes out muffled as she buries her face in Maraā€™s neck. ā€œYouā€¦you have to let her go. You have to letā€¦meā€¦go.ā€
For a minute or so Mara just stands there. She holds onto Jude-not-Jude and fixes her eyes on the ceiling and tries to breathe as the thought of it hits her over and over again. Jude is gone. Jude is gone. Jude is gone, and sheā€™s not coming back, and you need to let her go.
When she pulls back, she looks at her ā€“ at Jude-not-Jude. She really truly looks at this Box Babe sheā€™s brought home. She has Judeā€™s eyes, and Judeā€™s dimple, and her grin, butā€¦sheā€™s not Jude. That daring way she lifted her eyebrows, the mischievous sparkle in her eyes when she grinned, the light that used to shine behind her every movementā€¦itā€™s gone. Some essential, ineffable part of Jude is just gone. Itā€™s replaced by blank willingness, drilled-in sweetness, the thick black leather band of a collar around her throat.
For both of their sakes, Mara needs to adjust her expectations.
ā€œOkay,ā€ Mara says finally, wrung-out, eyes stinging, exhausted. Jude-not-Jude ā€“ and fuck, Mara will have to find another name for her ā€“ pulls back just far enough to look at Mara with her big believing green eyes, and Mara nods, barely trusting herself to speak. ā€œOkay.ā€
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