#i just thought it conveyed the right feeling I have for my mutuals yet also being mellow(?) enough for me to use in any mood | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bvidzsoo · 9 months ago

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Love Me Like A Rockstar (5)

ー☆ Chapter 5: Avalanche

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cussing, mentions of suicide ー☆ Word count: 8k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Updateee, hehet. Now, now...this chapter is emotionally loaded, but at least we can notice some progress in their relationship lol, it was about time if you ask me. Please listen to Avalanche before or while reading this chapter, it's really important as it portrays Mingi's story and feelings in the past, so please don't skip it! I can't promise the next update will be soon because I have a deadline by next week, but if I won't be too burned out then I might just update towards next weekend. ALSO G U Y S!!!! Tunnel?!?!?!?!?! SONG MINGI'S SOLO???? ARE WE FINE?!?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE RELEASES T H A T WHILE I'M WRITING A STORY EXACTLY LIKE THAT???!! No, but seriously, I'm completely not fine, I still can't believe this happened BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME I WRITE SOMETHING AND IT HAPPENS. Okay, I'm done screaming, sorry. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I tried my best and I hope it turned out okay. Feedback is appreciated, enjoy now!!

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @juicy-red @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng @deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @okokmaybe01-blog

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

There was a beat of silence, of nobody moving, of nobody blinking or saying anything. My heart shouldn’t have picked up its rhythm so fast, but as my eyes briefly ran over Mingi’s tall form standing in the doorway opposite mine, I realized he looked the same as in the video I have seen on Seulgi’s Instagram story, the only change to his outfit was the black hoodie covering his broad frame—and wet, almost see-through, white shirt.

“What are you doing here?” My mouth was moving before I could think, mind suddenly a puddle.

“Picking up some food since I’m headed home from Outlaw.” Mingi’s explanation came quickly, his own eyes taking in my appearance as they briefly ran over my body. My grip tightened around the doorknob as I suddenly felt embarrassed. I knew I didn’t look like my usual self; my eyes were still red from crying, and I couldn’t help but sniff every other few minute. And I was completely soaked in rainwater.

“What are you doing here?” Mingi asked at once, eyes finally meeting mine. His expression was neutral, but there was something in his eyes—he seemed tired. Black eyeliner rimmed his already sharp eyes, creating the illusion of them piercing right through you. I suddenly felt naked under his attentive gaze, too exposed for my liking. I cleared my throat and stepped away from the doorway finally, circling my arms around my body, just now noticing the teetering of my teeth. I tried to offer my body some comfort by hugging myself, but it wasn’t exactly working.

“I was on a walk when it started raining, so I took shelter in here.” That wasn’t a lie at all, yet under Mingi’s watchful gaze, it felt like one. My eyebrows slightly furrowed at the thought, wondering why it felt like I was lying. Perhaps it was the doubt in his eyes as he looked over me once again, clearly questioning why I was drenched from head to toe if I took shelter in here, but I would not further explain myself to him.

“Right,” His voice conveyed nothing and I tried to hide my surprise as he didn’t prod further, “I understand.”

He stepped outside the men’s restroom finally, making me press myself up against the cold wall of the hallway as it was narrow, sniffing as another shudder ripped through my body. Despite having warmed my hands and cheeks with the warm water, I could feel the cold seep through my bones once again as my clothes clung onto my frame uncomfortably. Mingi didn’t cast me any other glance as he took off towards the main hall and I found myself following after him, licking my dry lips as I tried to hug myself tighter, rubbing at my side clumsily. It was my last attempt to warm myself up. My eyes were trained on the floor as they were burning, but I found them drawn upwards soon, curiously watching the back of Mingi’s head. His black hair was damp, and the blue sheer sunglass I saw him wearing in the video was put on backwards, making me frown as I stared at it as it rested against the back of Mingi’s head. Couldn’t he just take it off? Why wear it backwards? Was this a new trend he was following to become more famous? I scoffed at myself quietly as Mingi and I rounded the corner, walking back inside the main hall of the diner, the lady at the front counter looking up from a notebook she was writing in, cash placed next to it. Her eyes were trained on Mingi only, and I rolled my eyes subconsciously, awaiting her to act like one of his baboons—fangirls—from Outlaw and even from our university, but instead, her eyes held warmth as she leaned down and grabbed something from behind the counter. I found myself rooted to my place, watching the interaction—just slightly intrigued—as if I were a child waiting for their parent to finally move and leave the diner. It was silly, really, why was I waiting for Mingi? It’s not like him and I would be leaving together—yet my feet refused to move despite my thoughts telling me to do so.

“Steak with mashed potatoes and some side dishes, just the way you like it.” The lady said kindly as she placed a casserole inside a bag on the counter, pushing it towards Mingi. My eyes were glued to the side of his face, watching his reaction, waiting for his usual arrogant and flirty self to come to the surface, but instead, a small smile made it onto his face as his right hand slipped inside his pocket. Huh, that was new, I’ve never seen Mingi act like—himself—in front of a woman before.

“Thank you, Dahyun, you always seem to know what I’m craving.” Mingi told her quietly and I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt a sneeze trying to fight its way out of my nose, it burned.

“No, you just always ask for the same meals on the same days,” She chuckled as Mingi extended the money towards her, “You’re a simple man, and my memory is simply too good—it’s on the house tonight, Mingi.”

“But—”

“I already closed the register.” Dahyun winked at him and pushed Mingi’s hand back, ignoring the noises of complaint he made, “Seriously, do you want me to overwork myself?”

“Fine,” Mingi sighed, his eyebrows furrowed. My head started to lightly thump and I found myself leaning against the wall, eyes heavy and burning. My mother would kill me for getting sick for such a dumb reason as to staying out in the rain without realizing it was even pouring. Damn Yunho, it’s his fault, “But at least let me leave a tip.”

Dahyun gave Mingi a pointed stare before her eyes fell on me, suddenly realizing I was there too. I cleared my throat awkwardly as I stood up straight, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Mingi turned his head, his eyes falling on me as well, and suddenly I felt—so small. Both of them were looking at me with concern in their eyes, and I couldn’t help but look away as my eyes were suddenly burning with tears in them. Why was I in such an unstable state all of a sudden? My chest felt lighter, my throat wasn’t closing in on me anymore—I was fine, so then why?

“Can you make her some tea? If I’m not asking for too much.” My eyes snapped up in Mingi’s direction as he was looking at me, face still emotionless, but eyebrows furrowed.

“Of course, we’ve still got like five minutes until we’re closing.” Dahyun answered him cheerily and then turned around, opening some cabinets as she got to work.

“Okay, but accept the money this time.” Mingi muttered and placed some bills on the counter, pushing it towards the notebook she seemed to be busy with before we disturbed her.

“Whatever.” Dahyun huffed and cast me a quick glance as Mingi turned to look at me again.

“Are you cold?” Mingi asked and I tensed my muscles, trying to stop the trembling, but it was hard—and it wasn’t even working. But I just gulped and pulled myself together, walking closer to him.

“No.” My teeth clanked against each other again and I sniffed as Dahyun turned to face me, a plastic cup in her hands.

“We only have wild berry tea; I hope you like that.” She said with a smile as she placed the cup on the counter and pushed it towards me. I cleared my throat and looked down at it, the steam hot and inviting as I reluctantly reached out for it. It was embarrassing—this whole situation. I was looking like a mess, on the verge of another breakdown, because why not—my brain decided that I simply wasn’t finished crying over nothing—even if it wasn’t exactly nothing, I refused to acknowledge it. I reluctantly reached for the cup, slightly annoyed that Mingi and this Dahyun girl were looking at me like I was going to break—or explode—at any given moment. I let out a frustrated sigh as my fingers wrapped around the hot cup firmly, skin slightly burning, but I welcomed the feeling as I have stopped feeling my fingers a good few minutes ago.

“Stop looking at me like that, Mingi, I’m fine.” I didn’t mean to snap, but my tone was sharp as I sucked in a sharp breath, bringing the cup up to my lips and blowing on the hot water, the steam warming my skin.

“I’m not looking—anyways,” He cut himself off as he grabbed the bag with his food inside and stepped away from the counter, “Thank you, Dahyun, we won’t be holding you back for longer.”

“No problem, see you soon!” She said with a smile, waving a little as Mingi nodded at her, barely returning her smile. It seemed almost like there was something wrong with him, but I couldn’t tell, I didn’t know him well. He could’ve been simply acting to gain our sympathy—I could see Mingi doing something like that, it didn’t seem too far from his atrocious character.

“Uh, thank you.” I thanked the girl quietly as I slightly bowed my head and she just smiled, waving at me as well as I quickly hurried after Mingi, who had stopped in the doorway, apparently waiting for me.

His hand reached out for the handle, but he hesitated for a second, not opening the door just yet, “It’s still raining…and you don’t have an umbrella…”

I raised an eyebrow as I took a sip of my hot tea, taking a glance at Mingi. He was looking ahead, eyes trained on the road through the glass doors. The sweet taste of wild berries exploded in my mouth and I bit my lip as the warm tea flushed down my throat, warming me up from the inside as I eagerly took another big gulp, slightly burning my tongue.

“Yeah, I don’t have an umbrella.” I said, the two of us looking at each other at the same time, “But it’s fine, I’m already drenched. I’ll just run home—”

“You’re already shivering and shaking constantly, Y/N.” Mingi said matter of fact, and I rolled my eyes almost instantly, “Let me drive you home.”

“You don’t have to, it doesn’t matter.” I muttered with a shrug and took another sip of my tea, but Mingi just shook his head and turned his body slightly towards mine.

“You keep sniffing and you are clearly cold, even if you say you aren’t.” He raised an eyebrow, pointing towards my flushed cheek—I could only hope I wouldn’t have a fever, “You’ll catch a cold at this point, just let me drive you home. It’s not a big deal, really.”

“Mingi,” I sighed loudly, giving him a glare, “I’m fine, I’m not cold and I won’t catch a cold—”

Almost as if the Universe—or my own body—was having a laugh at me, a sneeze forced its way through my nostrils, loud, and an obvious sign that I wasn’t doing too well currently. Mingi’s lips pressed into a thin line as he tried not to smile and suppress his chuckle, making me grumble to myself as I quickly drank the remaining tea, feeling slightly warmer.

“Still going to pass on that ride?” Mingi quirked an eyebrow as a smirk appeared on his lips and I scoffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Lead the way, Prince Charming.” I mocked, but it only made Mingi giggle as he pushed the door open, the breeze freezing as it suddenly hit me. I instantly shivered and made myself smaller, clutching myself around my middle.

“That’s my car.” Mingi pointed towards a black car across the street and suddenly he took off, pulling his hood over his head, running out into the rain. There was no oncoming traffic, so I quickly left the shop and ran across the road, headed for the passenger seat. As I got there, the car was unlocked and Mingi was pulling the key out of the lock and opening his side of the door quickly, jumping inside. I followed his lead and slammed the door closed after sitting inside, shivering and groaning at the cold gripping at my skin again, pressing myself back into the leather seat of Mingi’s car. He placed the food in the backseat, putting the keys into the ignition. He looked at me, lips slightly pursed.

“Uh,” For the first time in my life, Mingi looked embarrassed as he scratched his nape, “The car’s old so uhm—we’ll have to wait a little bit before we take off. For the engine to warm up and shit, you know.”

I hummed and gulped, grip tightening around the plastic cup I was still holding onto. I did not want to prolong my time spent together with Mingi, so why couldn’t his car work just fine? I watched him as he turned the key, but the engine didn’t start right away, screeching for a second as Mingi tried again, groaning with his eyebrows furrowed. I remained silent as I watched him struggle for a few more seconds until the engine finally rumbled to life, the sound louder than I expected. But it only lasted for another second before it settled down, the pouring rain overshadowing the sound of the old engine. Mingi went and pressed a few buttons on the dashboard and I allowed my muscles to relax slightly, noting the way I was still shaking. When will it stop? It was getting annoying. As if Mingi sensed my train of thoughts, he turned his head towards me and cleared his throat.

“Are you cold?” He asked, making me sigh as I shook my head no, refusing to admit that I couldn’t feel my feet anymore. Maybe if this old wreck could warm up faster I wouldn’t be shaking so much—and I knew Mingi’s car had zero faults right now, but I had to pour my irritation onto something instead of admitting defeat in front of him, “You’re very obviously cold, Y/N.”

I scoffed and my eyes snapped to him as he suddenly leaned more towards me, reaching for something in the backseat of the car, “If it’s so obvious, Mr. Obvious, do something about it—”

My mouth clamped shut the second Mingi was holding a black denim jacket in his hand with a lopsided smile, extending it towards me, “I am doing something about it, here, wear it.”

He let it fall into my lap before I could refuse him and suddenly my cheeks were on fire—and not from the cold. I cleared my throat loudly and averted my gaze as Mingi settled back into his seat with a small grin, watching me as I rolled my eyes, fumbling with the heavy jacket he had given me. I didn’t want to wear it—that was the last thing I actually wanted to do, but a violent shiver racked through my body and I was suddenly moving faster than lightning, groaning as my clothes were still stuck against my body. It was a horrible feeling, but at least Mingi’s seats were leather, easier to clean. I pulled the black denim jacket around my shoulders before putting each arm through the sleeves, trying to ignore Mingi’s eyes on me, and the amused smile he had on his face. It wasn’t funny—but it was probably entertaining to him. I wonder how many girls he took home like this before me, letting them wear his jacket only to flirt with them afterwards as a means of getting to sleep with them. Men were easy, and Mingi was one of them. I could see right through his bullshit, and so, despite the warmth and masculine scent enveloping my senses, I gave Mingi a sharp glare, making him chuckle.

“You’re so predictable,” He said quietly, almost as if to himself, but I heard him, and I scoffed, “You won’t thank me, right?”

“I’m still cold.” I evaded his question instead, giving him a look, but Mingi just giggled, the sound low and deep inside his chest. I watched as his features relaxed and found my heart beating faster once again as I realized that I was enclosed in a tiny space with him, barely a few feet away from each other. There was something different about Mingi all of a sudden as he threw his head back, sighing loudly and gripping the wheel. His eyes fluttered close and I couldn’t will myself to look away, suddenly curious of the man sitting next to me. Who was he? Why was he like this? But the confusing butterflies deep inside my stomach sent me into distress, and I averted my eyes as Mingi opened his, and realized it was becoming suffocating. The silence. I didn’t like it. Mingi wasn’t saying anything, the engine was still dully rumbling and the rain was hitting the roof of the old Honda Prelude loudly. It didn’t feel as restricting as earlier, but my throat was squeezing in on itself and without asking for permission, I reached forward and pressed a button on the stereo, turning the radio on.

The instrumental wasn’t something I have heard before, and the harsh beat of the drums resounded in the car loudly, making my heart jump. Soon, the drum was accompanied by the lively but soft melody of the guitar, guiding it through. It felt like a storm, the loud and harsh beats of the drums lead by the soft yet determined guitar. It was almost as if two sides of the coin were leaning on each other for support—almost as if one was desperate to be shown some light in the darkness. I saw Mingi shift in the corner of my eyes, and I was startled at the intense look in his eyes as he looked at me, lips parted and eyebrows drawn up. He seemed surprised but at the same time almost angry, it was a look I couldn’t read well yet. I didn’t understand why he was looking at me like that. Suddenly, the drums slightly softened, until they became silent, and the guitar guided the melody smoothly, bringing it a comforting feeling. Mingi and I were still looking at each other and I was about to ask why he was looking at me like that, but suddenly the raspy, yet warm, voice resounding in the car took me off guard as my eyes widened, leaving me gaping at Mingi.

『Cut me open and tell me what's inside

Diagnose me 'cause I can't keep wondering why

And no, it's not a phase 'cause it happens all the time

Start over, check again, now tell me what you find

'Cause I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?』

His voice was smooth as the drums and guitar accompanied it, dropping lower at times and feeling like the caress of a whisper at the same time. Mingi’s face had turned emotionless once again as his eyes locked with mine, and I tried to give him a glare, but my mind was focused on the words he was singing—on the message behind his lyrics.

『It's like an avalanche, I feel myself go under

'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance, my heart has frozen over

And I feel like I am treading on thin ice』

The beat picked up again, the drums louder as the melody grew more aggressive, Mingi’s voice reflecting it and gliding with it. His voice was powerful and held sincerity as he sung, his words ringing through my mind as the raspiness of it became more hearable. I couldn’t hold Mingi’s gaze anymore and I swiftly turned my head, playing with the cup I had in my hands as I gulped, the melody slowing down once again.

『Am I broken? What's the chance I will survive?

Don't sugarcoat me 'cause I feel like suicide

Just give it to me straight, 'cause I'm running out of time

I need an antidote, now what can you prescribe?』

My eyebrows furrowed the longer I listened to his words, wondering if this is what he actually felt like. Wondering when he wrote this song. Wondering why and how was Mingi hiding such feelings locked away in himself, in a way that nobody would be able to see the real him. Why were his words so relatable and why did I suddenly find myself teary eyed, biting my lower lip to try and get a grip of myself again.

『It's like an avalanche, I feel myself go under

'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance, my heart has frozen over

And I feel like I am treading on thin ice, and I'm going under』

I wonder who made him feel like that. Who had hurt Mingi so much that he felt like he was on the verge of giving it all up. Did he still feel like that? Were the two of us not so much different from each other after all? I sniffed, turning my head to look out the window instead, scared that if I hung my head down the tears would actually fall.

『I need a cure for me 'cause the square doesn't fit the circle

Give me a remedy 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world

I need a cure for me 'cause the square doesn't fit the circle

Give me a remedy 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world』

My grip around the cup tightened and I heard Mingi shift in his seat again, but I didn’t turn around to look at him. Emotions and thoughts of all sorts were whirling in my head, and I couldn’t stop thinking. I haven’t really paid attention to what he sings in his songs before—not that I had many occasions to do so—but this one suddenly felt so familiar, as if there was at least one person in the world who understood my struggles too. I’ve had low points in life before, especially after Yunho left me, and I really felt like there was no way out for me. I didn’t know how to cope and what to do with myself, I became uncaring and closed myself off to the world, only talking to those necessary, and barely doing anything if I could. That was the only time in my life when my art didn’t help at all, when I couldn’t pick up my pencil out of fear of what my mind would conjure up to torment me with. My life revolved around Jeong Yunho, and I knew because of missing him, he would be the only thing I would be drawing. He was my muse, and I hated it for such a long time not realizing that it was in some twisted way helping with getting over him. I have memorized every single feature and flaw of his, knowing it by heart. It was freeing when I was able to highlight all the things I knew he hated about himself, it made it easier for me to remind myself that he wasn’t as perfect as I thought he was. It was just the idea I had created of him in my head.

My fingers were tapping against the cup, following the rhythm of the song as Mingi’s beautiful voice carried on singing, the melody wrapping me up in my thoughts, almost getting lost to the point where I wasn’t paying attention to the song anymore. But it was actually impossible to do that, Mingi had a way to keep you focused on himself even if he was just simply singing, his raspy and warm voice keeping you in a vice grip, making you yearn for more. As the song came to an end, I released a breath I didn’t even realize I had been holding. Mingi was swift as he leaned forward and turned off the stereo, clearing his throat loudly. For a few more seconds nothing was said between the two of us, silence enveloping around us once again. But I didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore, I felt—almost sad, but mostly curious of the making of this song. Of what prompted Mingi to write it. Why were his emotions so raw in this, and who caused him to feel like this.

“It wasn’t bad,” I found myself speaking up, not really thinking through my words first, “you’re not too bad at this, Mingi.”

I didn’t expect him to laugh, and as I turned my head, he was already looking at me with an amused look on his face, covering his mouth as his laughter got louder for a second. My eyebrows furrowed, and I was about to say something less nice to him, but I realized my compliment sounded oddly similar to the one I had gotten from him back at the library. Despite fighting against the smile wanting to appear on my lips, I quickly let out a chuckle, our eyes with Mingi connecting. Despite the depth of the song and the somber atmosphere it created, Mingi seemed to be almost ecstatic as he shrugged, drumming his fingers against the wheel. Subconsciously, I nuzzled further into the collar of the denim jacket, the cologne stronger as I inhaled it, reminded that I was wearing Mingi’s jacket. I didn’t miss the way a fond smile appeared on his face for a few moments, quickly disappearing as he cleared his throat and looked ahead, pressing some other buttons on the dashboard.

“Thank you, getting a compliment from a fine arts genius certainly feels like I have won a Grammy or something.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes as Mingi chuckled, grinning at me for a second before he turned his body fully towards me, taking me off guard, “I wrote this song a long time ago, when—well, there’s nothing to hide here, when Yunho left for college. When I—remained alone at home, here in this town. Nothing was set in stone yet, to be honest, I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life back then. I was eighteen and I was confused and scared. The pressure of figuring out what you wanted to do with your life at such a young age was frightening and breaking me down, to be honest. I’ve always struggled mentally—you know, with depression and anxiety—and I think that period of time was the lowest I had ever been.”

I was soaking in every word Mingi was saying, mind silent and eyes focused on him, wanting to hear more as he continued talking, “Yunho was always the stronger one between the two of us and he always knew from a young age what he wanted to do, so when I realized I hadn’t planned my future ahead like him, I lost myself. And he—left, to college—in a different city. Hours away, leaving me all alone. I know I might sound dramatic, but I don’t deal well with change. I never have and I never will, I’m afraid. It took me almost a year to finally get used to living alone and sometimes I still struggle, it’s really frustrating. So you can imagine how badly I took my best friend, whom I have never been separated from before and we’ve known each other since kindergarten, leaving and abandoning me in the small town I have always hated and had no future in. I fell into deep depression and nothing was helping, like at all. Not even Yunho returning home out of the blue after two weeks of no contact on my part. When he saw the state I was in, we—we cried for hours, Y/N. It was horrible. I hate making him feel like that, because it wasn’t his fault, it was all mine.”

My eyebrows furrowed and my heart clenched upon hearing Mingi’s words, quietly letting out a breath which felt like it was restricting my lungs. In this moment, I heard my own thoughts and feelings in Mingi. His struggles and pain, I understood them. My fingers crushed the cup accidentally, but thankfully Mingi didn’t seem to notice as he took a deep breath and continued, “I wanted to kill myself. If Yuyu wouldn’t have come home in that exact moment—I don’t think we’d be having this conversation right now.”

My eyebrows furrowed and without really thinking, my left hand reached over the center console and I found myself gripping Mingi’s right hand, his skin so much hotter than mine. He bit his lower lip, eyebrows twitching as he averted his gaze all of a sudden, turning his hand upwards so that my fingers could slip over his palm. It was weird how easily my skin tingled at the contact; thoughts silent for once.

“He suggested I find a way of getting these thoughts and feelings out of myself. And after he left once again I knew I had to do something unless I planned on completely losing my mind, so…I took a pen and paper and started writing. Everything I felt, everything I thought. And miraculously, it worked. Slowly, of course, but it started working. I found a good therapist as well and suddenly I could see a way out of this dark cloud hung up around my head, fogging my thoughts up. I searched for a beat on YouTube and realized I could turn these thoughts and feelings into music. And they didn’t even sound bad, but what was most important was that I enjoyed doing it. I felt free, I felt like I could finally say anything I ever wanted. And I knew if this helped me, then it would help others as well, let them know they weren’t alone, and that you can go on even if it seems like you can’t. I wrote this song right before signing up to our university and sent it in as a sample. I was granted access to the studious a week later, and two weeks later accepted to the university. It’s probably one of my happiest memories, especially since Yunho surprised me that day by coming home and celebrating it with me.”

As Mingi was done talking, silence settled between the two of us. Comforting, understanding. I looked down at my lap, mind a whirlwind of thoughts all of a sudden, threatening to rush out at once. The sudden thumb sweeping against my knuckles made me slightly tense, realizing that I was completely holding hands with Mingi. My cheeks burned all of a sudden and my heart jumped, yet despite my thoughts telling me to pull my hand out of his, I didn’t move just yet. The feeling—wasn’t so bad.

“My sketchbook—the one you flipped through without my permission—” I sent Mingi a small glare as he snorted, cutting me off for a second, “is like my journal. I doddle in it daily, sometimes I even write little messages next to the sketches, noting down the things on my mind or just simply how my day went. When I draw, my mind is completely silent, I feel at ease. There’s nothing bothering me and I don’t have to worry in that moment of what the next line will illustrate or what the overall drawing will be. My thoughts are often too loud and I get overwhelmed by them, it’s hard to ignore them, you know? But by drawing, I can escape them and free myself even for a little while, it’s similar to what you must feel when you write music. Just letting go and releasing everything you feel.”

Mingi’s eyes were warm and soft as a small smile appeared on his lips, his skin suddenly burning mine and as my heartbeat showed no signs of slowing down, so, I carefully slipped my hand out of his, turning ahead and staring out at the pouring rain, feeling exposed and too small, “I understand what it must’ve felt like going through all of that. There was a time in my life, when—my whole world revolved around one person only and when—when he left, I thought I would die. I didn’t want to continue on living, to be completely honest. But with time, and thanks to my mother and Seulgi, I built myself back up. It’s fine now—I mean, I’m fine now.”

Mingi just hummed and I could feel his gaze on me as I leaned forward in the seat, rubbing my face as I felt fatigue settle over my whole being. At least I wasn’t shaking anymore, the car had warmed up significantly and my clothes weren’t sticking to my skin so violently anymore.

“Everyone has their story, Y/N.” Mingi spoke up, and I could hear the smile in his voice, “And it was very obvious to me that your attitude towards me is just a defense mechanism—”

“Oh, don’t get too cocky now that I’ve shared something so insignificant from my life.” I snapped as I turned my head, giving him a small glare. Mingi chuckled, holding his hands up in a way that said he wasn’t trying to attack me.

“I don’t think it’s insignificant—”

“Mingi.”

“Tell me something…” He trailed off and I sighed loudly, not in the mood to converse anymore. I wanted to go home, “Are those eyes really Yunho’s in your sketchbook? Because I really don’t think they are. I mean, I know what my own eyes like look and—”

“Whatever, they are yours, okay?” I snapped defensively as I crossed my arms in front of my chest, cutting Mingi off. I knew I should’ve never confessed to him that those were indeed his eyes, because now the shit eating grin he had on his lips and the way his eyes sparkled weren’t worth it. Not when my cheeks felt on fire, and I knew it wasn’t from the warmth inside the car.

“I knew it!” He said triumphantly, giggling a little, making me role my eyes.

“Just because you have pretty eyes doesn’t mean I’m in love with you.” I scoffed and suddenly Mingi froze, staring at me like I said something wrong. I raised my eyebrows at him in question.

“I never said you were in love with me.” Shit. I scoffed and rolled my eyes again, giving him a deadpan look.

“Very well, can’t have you thinking that now that you know those are your eyes.” Mingi laughed, again, as he playfully leaned towards me, making my glare deepen.

“So, you think I’m pretty?” He bit his lower lip and my brain blanked for a second as my eyes ran over his face quickly, taking in his features. Yes, he was very pretty—what the fuck?!

“Just because you have features which are easy to draw, Mingi, doesn’t mean I think you’re pretty. Have I told you already that you’re self-absorbed?” I raised my eyebrows mockingly as I clicked my tongue and Mingi chuckled as he faced forward, turning on the windshield wipers.

“Yes, quite a few times, actually.” I scoffed, putting on my seatbelt when I saw Mingi doing the same.

“Just take me home.” I muttered as I turned my head and looked out the window.

“Tell me your address first.” Mingi’s tone was playful as he turned on the stereo again, this time a channel of a radio playing music in Mingi’s vintage car as he slowly drove off.

After arriving home I had taken a very long and very hot shower, letting my body stay under the stream for a long time, probably making my mother think that I was drowning. I could feel my muscles finally relaxing, the shivers completely gone from my body as I dressed into my warmest pajamas once I got out of the shower, blow-drying my hair quickly, eager to get underneath my warm blanket. Thankfully my mother wasn’t angry at all by the time I got home, she was waiting for me with two mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and a big hug. She didn’t want to tell me where her sudden affection was coming from, but she said she knew there was something wrong, and that I could go to her the next time I’m struggling. It’s funny how she always knows what the problem is, yet I don’t want to burden her furthermore with my own dramatic emotions.

After drinking the hot chocolate and having a laugh with my mother over the comedy show she was watching in her room, I finally retreated to my own room, under the oh, so warm blanket. I couldn’t help but sigh contently and nuzzle even further into the pillow under my head, grateful to be finally able to rest. But as if the Universe was out against me tonight—and it probably was hence the shitshow today was—sleep never came to me. I was beyond tired, yet I couldn’t sleep. I felt slightly restless, as if I had to do something and I wouldn’t be able to rest until I have done it—and that was drawing. The image in my head was begging for me to be released onto a blank canvas, but I wished it could wait until tomorrow—but it couldn’t, so, with a loud sigh, I sat up and turned on my lamp. The sketchbook was bigger than the one I use as a journal since I rarely use it outside of class, but for what I wanted to draw tonight I needed the bigger one. I flipped it open to a new page and grabbed my pencil, twirling it around my fingers as I sectioned the blank paper, searching for the right angle to start the drawing.

First, I settled on drawing the outlines with faded lines, the background not the most important but since it played a part in the spacing of the drawing, I had to start with that. I went and first did the outline of the car from the inside, adding shading to show where the streetlamps couldn’t reach as the car drove down the empty road, gloomy clouds raining down on us, making the roads slippery and reducing visibility, but Mingi was an attentive and calm driver as he hummed and nodded his head to the beat of the music playing on the radio. His jaw was set and eyes focused up front, on the road, eyebrows ever so slightly furrowed and lower lip quite often between his teeth as he bit into the supple flesh, his lips cherry colored and plump. His jawline long, and sharp; and cheekbones well defined, yet not too sharp; his brow bone more forward, giving him an intimidating look from the side with his eyebrows drawn together. His nose, tall, and long, and pointy—too pretty. I cleared my throat and shook my head, focusing on drawing the rest of Mingi’s features and willing my brain to shut up about whether Mingi was pretty or not—he wasn’t. I couldn’t help but draw the sunglasses he wore so hideously backwards, ruining his overall nice look, making me grimace as I darkened his hair by adding more shading to it. I illustrated the shadows falling over his face as well, his gaze slightly obscured from my view. His long fingers gripped the wheel tightly, the gemstones of his rings glinting whenever the light fell on it in a peculiar way, and I couldn’t help but recall the feeling of his skin against mine as drew the lines defining the muscle of his hands. Just as I went to draw his neck, my phone pinged, slightly startling me as it was loud. It was placed on my nightstand and I groaned as I had to lean over half of my bed to reach it. And as I took my phone into my hands, my heart skipped a beat.

I hate him: are u asleep?

I glanced at the clock and realized it would be soon midnight, I had to get this drawing done and then go to sleep as I had class early in the morning tomorrow. Besides, I didn’t want to talk to Mingi. Why was he texting me? Just because we shared a few sappy stories about ourselves doesn’t mean that we have suddenly become best friends, sharing even more life stories with each other—and most certainly Mingi had no business texting me this late at night. With a huff, I let my phone fall next to me as I continued to draw, focusing on my creation instead. Drawing the neck was easy and quick and I focused on adding little details to it instead, the silver chains he had hanging against his neck tonight, peeking through the collar of his black hoodie. I continued drawing the rest of his body, his arms and torso as well as I could as they weren’t too essential to the drawing as of now. I only wanted to draw Mingi’s profile as he drove, the darkness combined with the streetlamps casting beautiful shadows over his flawless face. But drawing Mingi, knowing that Mingi had texted me all of a sudden felt weird, and I sighed as I dropped my pencil, grabbing my phone again as I unlocked it. He had sent the message five minutes ago, that was enough time for him to fall asleep so even if I text him he’ll only see this in the morning and if he’ll answer I won’t have to text him back anymore—because I didn’t want to be texting with Mingi, at all.

Me: no. u?

As I went to close my phone, his reply came instantly, leaving me surprised. There goes my plan of Mingi being asleep and not having to talk to him tonight…

I hate him: nope, why aren’t u sleeping? Me: i can’t sleep. u?

I chewed on my bottom lip as I shuffled around for a second to be able to sit cross legged in my bed.

I hate him: yeah, same. the rain makes it hard for me to sleep…i hate rain, actually, especially the thunder.

I almost went ahead and typed back that I knew, but Mingi wasn’t supposed to know that. Mingi had no idea Yunho and I had dated back in highschool—Mingi had no idea how much I actually knew about him due to Yunho, and I intended on keeping that a secret from him. I didn’t want to wake up old ghosts in my heart which would bring pain once again.

Me: ig i’m fine with rain as long as i’m somewhere inside, but the humidity kills me. it’s the winter time i actually hate…i can’t deal with cold weather, i get easily sick…

I rubbed my forehead as I pressed send and sighed as I lowered my phone into my lap, suddenly aware of the weird butterflies in my stomach, making me almost nauseous. As I glanced back down at my phone, the three bubbles signaling that Mingi was typing back appeared, and I had to take a deep breath to settle my erratic heartbeat. What was happening? Why was my body reacting in such a weird way?

I hate him: oh, yeah, i totally get the winter thing as someone who loves dressing light. i feel like i am more myself in the summer time lol; my style rocks during the summer and then gets okay-ish during the winter, it’s sad actually…

I chuckled and smirked as I quickly typed back.

Me: why? cuz you can’t show off your biceps during the winter? I hate him: ha-ha aren’t u so funny tonight? Me: i’m always funny, mingi…

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I quickly sent the message despite Mingi still typing.

I hate him: u wish u were always funny, doll…if someone’s funny then that person is me, y/n Me: yeah, right, u wish, prince I hate him: aren’t u just in a delightful mood tonight, doll?

I scoffed but couldn’t fight off the amused smile from my lips.

Me: it’s all thanks to you, idiot I hate him: i think I prefer u calling me prince, actually… Me: u wish, idiot. I hate him: anyways, what’s your favorite season?

I raised an eyebrow as I read the text from Mingi.

Me: interesting question I hate him: well u said u didn’t like winter, so what do you like then? Me: not u, that’s for sure…

I couldn’t help but cackle at my own reply, feeling proud of myself over such little thing. I could imagine Mingi chuckling and shaking his head at it, perhaps glaring down at his phone.

Me: autumn or spring, really…not too cold nor too warm, in-between, just perfect u know?

There was a second of nothing until the bubbles popped up again, making me realize I was smiling down at my phone, so I quickly cleared my throat and got it together. There was nothing to be smiling at here.

I hate him: i get it, those seasons are really pretty…talking of pretty…do you really think i’m pretty?

I couldn’t help the loud scoff which left my lips at the same time as I rolled my eyes, very tempted to leave him on read and just go to sleep right then and there.

Me: i have already told you, mingi, i don’t think u are pretty because u a r e n ‘t, get it???

The reply was instant.

I hate him: hahahahahahaha; u are cute!

My body froze for a second, eyebrows furrowing as I reread his reply. What the fuck? Me? Cute? Yeah, sure, cute my ass—this idiot was testing my patience and kindness, once again.

Me: u’re disgusting, I’m blocking u I hate him: whatever u say, gorgeous, I know u a r e n ‘t!!!

My jaw clenched at the blatant mocking and I scoffed loudly as I looked ahead, glaring at nothing particular as my blood was boiling. He really thought I wouldn’t block him? There was nothing holding me back from doing so—suddenly the bubbles appeared again, and I looked down at my phone—just slightly curious.

I hate him: sorry if that was too much, i was just joking. i wanted to ask something all night, but i just didn’t know whether the timing was right or not or just whatever, but…are u okay? like…do you feel okay?

I gulped, my anger dissipating like it never even happened, leaving me confused. Was he now worried about me? Why would he be?

Me: i’m ok, why?

It took a little time for Mingi to answer, and it made me gulp as I read it.

I hate him: bcz your eyes were red when we met in front of the restrooms and idk…u just kinda felt off or smth…i just wanted to make sure. Me: i had a rough day, but i’m fine… thanks for asking ig… I hate him: ofc, anytime

Did he mean that? I couldn’t help but wonder. But there were so many things about Mingi that I didn’t know yet and…something changed tonight. I couldn’t completely hate him like before. The conversation we had in his car, the things he willingly shared with me were so personal and hard, yet he trusted me with them. I couldn’t help but feel good about it, thankful in a way, that despite my demeanor he still found me worthy of knowing about his past—of knowing of the backstory of said song we have listened to. I thought Mingi was all smirks and a cocky attitude, nothing in that empty and self-centered brain of his—yet he pretty much proved me wrong today, and for some reason I didn’t seem to mind too much. I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip as I looked down at my phone, realizing that it was past midnight now, I had to go to sleep.

Me: goodnight, i have classes early in the morning… I hate him: sweet dreams, y/n…see u at uni.

『I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?

'Cause I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?』

❱❱ Next chapter

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poisonpercy · 10 months ago

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I finally convinced myself to watch the 4th episode of the pjo show. Overall, it was probably the show’s strongest episode so far. That being said, I think it’s fair to say that I am not clicking with this show. I’m not saying the show isn’t good. It definitely has its moments, so it’s a fine show. But as a book to tv show adaptation of pjo, I don’t think it’s very good. I guess my expectations were way too high since I was promised that this is a true adaptation that has everything you would want in a pjo show, but seeing as I don’t feel that way, I can’t say that promise has been fulfilled.

The actors are great, but I find the writing and the overall direction of the show very dull. It’s just not something that keeps my attention personally. I have to convince myself to watch these episodes since they aren’t hitting that obsession that keeps you interested, and while watching, it’s very hard for me to stay watching because it’s just not pulling me in. Anyways, here’s some specific thoughts regarding this episode:

Like a lot of my mutuals, I am not too big of a fan of the flashback with Percy and Sally in the pool. Sally does not feel like the same character that she is in the books. She’s a lot kinder and more mindful of her actions in the books than she is in the show. I get what the flashback was trying to convey, but I honestly don’t think it worked. I remember that Sally had been described as someone who doesn’t raise her voice, and I feel like the writers have disregarded a lot of her prior characterization in the name of her being a #girlboss. To me it feels like they created a brand new character and slapped Sally Jackson’s name on them. “That’s not Sally Jackson! That’s an oc committing identity fraud” vibes

They are really shoving it down our throats that Percy does not like the gods. Which isn’t bad, but I feel like he still needs more time to grow into the resentment that he’s showing

Kinda weird that Annabeth was talking nice about her dad. And I’m more sympathetic towards her dad than most, but he still wasn’t great so giving him praise felt a little off. Not a huge fan of blaming only the stepmother. The misogyny is real

Sleepy, grouchy Grover was cute

The cameo of the centaurs leading into the conversation about Pan and searchers was nice. I wish the show talked about this being Grover’s last chance at getting his searchers license since that was a big part of his character arc in tlt, but idk if that’s ever going to happen

The cops on the train were awful. If this show got one thing right, it’s the fact that cops suck and don’t help

I felt like there was too much of Echidna in this episode. Idk, if you’re going to try to build up a monster, she’s not the one I would have picked

Going off of that, they definitely tried to build tension in this episode, unlike in previous episodes, but it just didn’t work. Like it was too obvious that she was supposed to be a monster without actually giving any tension for the viewers. It’s still very much telling and not showing which is a huge flaw of this show

I’m honestly not a fan of the arch being a temple of Athena. I guess it’s cool for world building, but it just feels too convenient. I did like that Annabeth was stating facts, but to me it felt less like her geeking out and more like her showing off the temple’s greatness

Grover and Annabeth splashing Percy in the fountain was funny but it would have been the perfect opportunity to introduce nectar and ambrosia since they have yet to be brought up

Bad parent Athena rep 🫡

Having Percy trick Annabeth to switch places with her was a nice nod to Percy’s loyalty

I felt like the whole scene at the arch was missing the chaos that was present in the book. Idk it just felt so dry to me

The fight between Percy and the chimera was so underwhelming. There was a lot more tension and chaos and moving parts in the book that the show just is refusing to show. Also, I’m getting tired of Percy being flung around. Let him build up some skill before Ares

The water grabbing Percy when he fell out of the arch was funny but I personally wouldn’t have done the scene that way

The underwater scene was lacking imo. I feel like a broken record by saying I liked it better in the books, but it’s true

Episode was way too short and the show’s pacing is way too fast

#at this point i’m only watching to see how they’re going to wrap this up #not bc i like it (unfortunately)#pjo adaptation #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #skys post

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atmilliways · 1 year ago

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Wrong On The Money (43)

part 43 of ?? | 1572 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

He’d wanted to build Steve up a little bit, let him feel good about how the game had gone and about himself, and it must have worked a little too well. This is a fluke. Any second now the other shoe is going to drop and Steve will pull back with a whispered wait and that was a mistake. The least he can ask for is some flash of a good memory to hold onto after, so Eddie kisses back.

A note about the rating... It might go up soon. Not "tonight," but it could be on the horizon. I'm not being a tease, I genuinely haven't decided yet. My forte is "idiot-level miscommunications and mutual pine trees, if they fall alone in the forest do they make a sound," not smut.

And a disclaimer: I've never watched J.T. Hooker in my life.

43.

Steve is kissing him.

Steve.

Is kissing.

Him. Eddie Munson. The guy who treated him like dirt for the crime of being a jock with rich parents, not realizing that sports was the only positive feedback Steve has had in his life since whatever age the Harrington’s had decided he was old enough to Be A Man. (So birth, probably? At a guess.)

The least he can ask for is some flash of a good memory to hold onto after, so Eddie kisses back.

He leans into the warm palm cradling his cheek and feels like he’s floating (though some of that’s from smoking, and his somewhat rusty alcohol tolerance). One breathless sigh and Steve licks into his mouth, tentative for all that he definitely knows what he’s doing. It’s so sweet that Eddie wants to coo, and he curls an arm around Steve’s neck without thinking, thumbing over moles and freckles that he’s been staring at all summer as though he has any right to touch them.

God, he’d watched King Steve kiss girls against their lockers in high school. Watched how the guy seemed drawn to them even between classes like a goddamn magnet. Had he been jealous? Hell yes. And now here he is, drowning in this taste of Steve’s full and undivided attention.

The end of the kiss is like being plucked from heaven and gently deposited back on earth. His fingers, he realizes, have migrated into Steve’s famous hair—somewhat worse for wear already from Steve running his hands through it all day during the campaign, but still. Eddie feels caught out, like he’d walked into a museum and licked a painting or something. And in that instant of stillness before he has to start breathing again, he almost wishes none of it had never happened.

One kiss from Steve Harrington could never be enough.

“Sorry,” Steve whispers, still close enough that Eddie can hear feel taste the word. He sounds . . . reluctant? “I should’ve asked if, if that—if I could.”

Eddie blinks. He feels slow and stupid, as though startled out of a deep sleep. (There’s also a slight situation in his jeans that he hopes to hell Steve hasn’t noticed yet.)

Doesn’t asking for permission imply premeditated intent? That doesn’t make sense though. What thought would Steve have put into kissing him in advance? Unless. . . .

Eddie tries to remind himself not to get his hopes up, but it’s hard when his lips are still tingling and he knows how Steve fucking tastes.

“So, uh.” Steve isn’t moving away—but that might be because Eddie still has an arm around his shoulders and a hand in his hair. “Sorry. I just, I wanted. . . .”

“Me?” Eddie fills in, hoping that his tone conveys his utter bafflement at the notion.

(He expects Steve to shake his head and say something like no, comfort, or to turn my brain off for a while. Eddie is aware that he’s not much of a catch to start with, and Steve has seen him at a variety of his absolute worsts.)

But Steve says, “Yeah.” And then stares at Eddie like he hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but also isn’t going to take it back now that it’s out there.

“Why me?” Eddie tries. He starts to retract his hand from Steve’s hair, unwind his arm from around Steve’s broad shoulders, but freezes when he hears a soft sound of protest.

What is going on here.

“Why not you?” Steve retorts, as though this is a natural follow-up to that question. “I like you, I don’t know.”

“How?”

Steve is frowning now. “Dude, you know I’m bisexual.”

“I, that’s not,” Eddie sputters. “Steve, I blackmailed you. The only motivation you should have for kissing me is to pull some sort of prank, because it’s what I deserve.”

“That’s not a motivation, Eddie, that’s a motive. Haven’t you ever watched T.J. Hooker?”

This conversation is seriously starting to make Eddie’s brain short out. “Not really a cop show kinda guy, Steve. Kinda too busy watching reruns of Star Trek instead.”

“Oh.” Steve frowns. “Isn’t that the same guy though?”

“We’re getting off track here,” Eddie decides. He feels one more comment about William fucking Shatner away from complete hysteria. Like, he knows they’re both a little fucked up right now, but this is ridiculous.

Steve looks away and shrugs, as if to say yeah okay, you got me there. He seems to draw more into himself, a lot like he had been before they’d started smoking. A part of Eddie aches to see it; the rest of him is still confused.

“If you’re gonna be mad I kissed you, be mad,” Steve mutters, addressing his knees. “I get that I’m not . . . your type, or whatever. I know I’m not the best guy—”

“You’re a great guy, Steve,” Eddie interrupts, with absolute certainty. He wants to reach out, touch his shoulder or something, but isn't sure if that would help or make things worse. “Most guys, when they up and kiss a dude, don’t stop because they realize they should have asked first.”

Steve’s eyes find his, wide and hazel and earnest. In another time and place, Eddie thinks he could fall into that swirl of colors and get lost forever. “I still think why not you is a better question, Eds,” he says simply. “Especially if your only reason not to is because you think I shouldn’t want to.”

Which shuts Eddie right up. (Wayne used to joke that nothing in the world could do that, and Eddie has never bothered to tell him that actually, pretty boys looking at him with Intent usually do the trick.)

Because, what the fuck.

Steve is basically saying to him what he had just said to Steve.

“Jesus H. Christ,” Eddie breathes, dazed by the possible implications. “Every time I think I have you figured out, it turns out I had no goddamn idea.”

“Is that . . . bad?”

He shakes his head, feels like his hair is frizzing out around him as wildly as his thoughts. (Hopes. Dreams.) “No. It’s good, it’s really, really good Stevie, and if you want to kiss me again you should do it right now before I lose my fucking mind—”Steve kisses him again, and this time Eddie knows he can savor it.

#in which there is more kissing #steddie blackmail fic #steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things fic #steddie second kiss #my fanfic

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alovelyburn · 2 years ago

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Miura saying gutsca aren’t in love yet makes a lot of sense. It’s not just that Guts struggles to center her throughout the story, but also that Miura never used the obvious romantic beats (like Guts saying the 100 man battle wasn’t fought for Casca specifically) and even structuring the story where Guts makes decisions that went against their budding romance (like keeping Casca in the dark about Griffith’s fake poisoning knowing it’ll hurt her). The foundation always seemed shakey to begin with

Yeah, it was not the most surprising thing he could have said about them to be honest. In the past I was always a bit reluctant to talk about Gutsca's specific feelings for each other because it's such an untouchable given to so many people but to me it was clear that... even though the relationship was probably intended to have potential and to be something readers could hope to see come to fruition, it was also specifically designed to have very serious challenges from both sides.

My feeling about the 100 man battle is that it was a combination of venting his frustration over Promrose and wanting to protect Casca not because he cared about Casca on a personal level but because he saw her having a dream (being with Griffith) as something that elevated her over him - a person who had no particular goals. So he both respects her enough to want her to survive to pursue her goals and sees her as a more worthy companion for Griffith than him (thus the matchmaking).

And honestly, if we were meant to see the romance as a perfect soulmate connection you wouldn't have so many blatant red flags between them - the skipped romantic beats, the mutual prioritization of Griffith to the point where they each independently decided to cancel their plans without talking to each other about it, right through to the the post-Eclipse world where he ditched her in a cave for two years.

Just offhand, other screaming red flags include:

Obviously the way Casca literally considered going after Griffith again during the rescue and then complained to Guts about it.

-and the fact that Guts was like, "I guess I'm just going to let it happen."

The way Guts reacted to Rickert and Erica saying she'd wandered off A MONTH AGO by being bitchy at Rickert and then having a chill conversation with Godo and going to bed. Sure he was mad about it and worried about her, but even so he showed no intention or drive towards looking for her himself; he only decided to do so when he started thinking about the Hawks and having abandoned Griffith and resultantly lost both him and the Hawks as a whole.

Nearly letting her burn to death in conviction (actually I guess he DID let her burn to death, it's Isidro that prevented it from actually happening)

Immediately considering ditching her again when Griffith came back and again only deciding to focus on her because he thought about his bad decisions re: Griffith and the Hawks.

Spending half of the next volume resenting her, fantasizing about raping and killing her and making actual attempts to do both of those things, resulting in her being terrified of him for the rest of the series until Elfhelm

Guts pulling Casca around on a rope

Skull Knight's warning that what Guts and Casca want may not be the same thing.

That line about being unable to put things back the way they were even if you want to

The way Miura blocked Guts from answering every time someone asked him about their relationship - this one is interesting because he does the same thing when Guts tries to consider killing Griffith - its the equivalent of "....." (and sometimes literally ..... in Griffith's case), which makes me think its a way of conveying his complicated/mixed feelings.

The fact that her mindscape portrays their relationship as Guts being burdened by her (in the coffin)

The fact that in said mindscape the Guts dog nearly destroyed Casca/her coffin when the Griffith image showed up

And three more complicated things:

First, the way he envisions her when he thinks about her and what was lost. I always found it interesting that he very rarely thinks about their romance - I think he flashes back to their meadow scene like one time. Most of the time he thinks of her as a soldier, and I just find that very interesting.

Second, the way she can't look at him post-restoration or, more specifically, his reaction to it. I'm not saying he doesn't wish it weren't like that. It's just that his attitude about it really echoes back to when she was vacillating over him and Griffith again - he just lets it happen and doesn't really have much of a reaction to it. He's just willing to let her slip away. This one is more complicated because I do think it hurts him, but I don't think his passive acceptance and relative lack of frustration or reaction is... great for their prospects.

And third, the way he literally hasn't thought about her even once since she got kidnapped. The reason I consider this one complicated is because obviously the series is no longer by Miura, and has become a sort of highlights version that reflects the story as relayed to Mori. But the interesting side effect of that is that we kind of know what Miura considered the most important parts of the story -- the bones onto which he would have layered flavor and personality and nuance.

And apparently what he told Mori was "Griffith kidnaps Casca and Guts becomes depressed because his sword let him down and then loses his mind thinking about Griffith, which I find very telling.

Now that may have seemed like a sidenote/rant but it isn't. Because it's the same thing - Miura repeatedly raised situations that could have been utilized to solidify their bond and convey that Guts loved her, or at least that he prioritized her well-being over Griffith(whether Griffith himself, his machinations or Guts own war against him), but the opportunity was undermined it every time right down to the big romantic reunion turning into a horror show.

Of course that doesn't mean they won't end up together - I do think the reader is probably meant to want them to work their shit out and get it together and find each other again. Even so I do think those flaws, those red flags, are there it's just a question of whether they get past them or not.

I think for me the biggest argument against them ending up together is that one of the biggest issues Guts has is that he's kind of ... trapped in the past. "The campfire still burns" and all. That has always been portrayed a general negative - his fixation with Gambino was a problem and the way he refused to let go of the Hawks even when they'd all died was so weird and unnerving that Rickert was visibly uncomfortable with it. Also his inability to move on from the Hawks is what fuels his revenge drive, and Berserk has always portrayed that as self-destructive.

Point being I just wonder if having him end up with the woman he spent one night with and then moped about for years thereafter - someone who explicitly represents the Hawks that hes' been unable to let go of or move on from to his own detriment - is really the way it's meant to go.

I mean, maybe the answer is yes that's how it's meant to go, I wouldn't be shocked. But it's a decent question nonetheless. Something to ponder, I guess.

#ask #anonymous #ariel talks about berserk

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midnightsunnyday · 11 months ago

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Say It With Your Chest *.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

➼ parings: Barbatos & Black Fem!OC, Diavolo/Black Fem!OC, implied Lucifer/Black Fem!OC ➼ content warnings: none, yet read at your own discretion. ➼ summary: there's something about the new exchange student, Vivica, that Barbatos doesn't like. Diavolo is clearly smitten, and for the sake of his lord, Barbatos tries his best to keep said discrepancies hidden until he can't. Fortunately, the feeling is mutual.

(Chapter One)

[Barbatos]: I believe the Young Master is unwell.

Such admissions embarrassed Barbatos. It was unlike him to miss the finer details of things.

He knew that the reason Mammon had taken interest in the castle’s art gallery was to steal from it. Again.

He knew that despite playing it off as a new fashion statement, Asmodeus was hiding an unsightly rash he procured overnight with a scarf.

He knew of Satan, who was not in fact, studying for his midterms in the library every afternoon, but sneaking off to the local curse and hexes shop.

Yet the recent behavior exhibited by the young lord was increasingly concerning, even more so while out in public. And what's worse, he could not--for the life of him--understand why.

Naturally, Lucifer's response was prompt.

[Lucfier]: That's rare. What symptoms is he showing?

Where to begin? It started with the random bouts of losing focus. The unmitigated time of staring off into the distance, sighing.

[Barbatos]: that and he has a habit of turning red.

The notification bell chimed.

[Lucifer]: you mean more than the usual amount?

Barbatos frowned. An odd response. Perhaps he hadn’t conveyed his concern strongly enough. Such are the mishaps when using such a confoundable device.

[Barbatos]: I'm assuming that was a joke, and on any other occasion I would have shared in your humor, yet I'm afraid this is much too serious to take lightly.

There. Much better.

[Lucifer]: My apologies. Do go on.

[Barbatos]: Besides the stated, he’s also been panicked, sweaty, and listless. Yet every time I attempt to delve further, he assures me nothing is wrong.

[Barbatos]: If you have any insight as to…oh, I see you’re still typing your response. Pardon me.

The three blinking dots in the text field disappeared, then reappeared several times. Lucifer tended to text with using only his index finger, a habit that prolonged any written communications. An eternity must have gone by before he replied:

[Lucifer]: I see. I may have an answer. However, you should know that what "ails" Diavolo is not something you or I can assist with.

[Lucifer]: Thankfully, it isn't fatal. Usually.

[Barbatos]: I must admit. Your habit of conveying your thoughts through crypticisms, while amusing, is only aiding in my frustration.

[Lucifer]: It’s simple really.

[Lucifer]: The next time you find him about, pay closer attention to where exactly his eyes falter.

[Lucifer]: There will lie your answer.

To where his eyes faltered. Just what exactly was the Young Master so preoccupied with that it would begin to interfere with his duties? Lucifer was being uncharacteristically unhelpful in his insights tonight, an issue he would not dwell on for long, yet would bring to his attention at another time. Until then…

[Barbatos]: Very well. I will do as you advised. Thank you. And goodnight.

Barbatos gazed at the screen of his D.D.D. a bit longer before placing it face down upon the nightstand. He supposed he’d have to rely on his own perception for now. He’d finished his duties ahead of schedule, and for once, would have a decent night’s rest before tomorrow's busy schedule.

In the calm darkness, Barbatos drifted along with his thoughts. Maybe he was finally losing his touch. A millennium wading through space and time would eventually cause anyone’s mind to slip occasionally. Maybe that’s why he found himself becoming fond of the sorcerer, Solomon. If any could attest to the weight of infinite knowledge and time, it would be him. For that, and much more, he’d earned the right to be called master, he’d earned his respect.

Though I’m uncertain the same could be said for the other human. Barbatos tried, for the sake of the Young Master, to rebuff such thoughts, yet they'd only grown louder over the past few months. Another issue he would have to deal with, yet again, another time.

For now, rest was needed.

********

It would be two days after their conversation when Barbatos would see Lucifer’s words in action. Per usual, there were duties to attend to at the castle, yet Barbatos didn’t need to be near the young prince to watch him. Though he was forbidden to use his powers to change or view the future, such prohibitions did not apply to the present. The young prince had taken his usual stroll through RAD, yet something was off. On occasion, he would stand in place, his head turning which way or the other, the corners of his mouth lifting, only to frown as if disappointed. His pupils dilating, sharpening, dilating, sharpening. It was clear he was searching for something. But what?

Finally, he halted. From the way his entire being brightened, it was clear the prince had found what he was searching for. There, sitting on a bench within the RAD courtyard, was the object of his master’s happiness.

Ah. So I see…

Thank goodness. So it wasn’t him losing his touch. The answer had been in front of him all along. Rather, the reality was so unremarkable that he failed to notice it. Now satisfied, Barbatos continued with his daily tasks.

The exchange student, Vivica. So she is the reason for your afflictions…

…Though he could not--for the life of him--understand why.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #black female original character #black oc #obey me fanfic

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dialovers-translations · 2 years ago

Text

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Ruki Dark [08]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

ー The scene starts in the guest room at Eden

Yui: ( Ruki-kun still wants to become Adam. )

( Yet it was Ruki-kun himself who told me that he could never become Adam despite being chosen by Eve, simply because he is not a Pureblood Vampire. )

( A former human such as himself is simply not qualified to earn that title. ...That’s what he told me. )

Yuma: Oi? Whatcha doin’ leavin’ the door wide open?

Yui: Yuma-kun.

Yuma: I crossed paths with Ruki earlier and he didn’t seem to be in the best mood. Did ya two get into an argument or somethin’?

Yui: We didn’t...I think, at least.

Yuma: So ya didn’t fight but somethin’ did happen, huh?

Lemme guess. It’s ‘bout the Adam thing, isn’t it?

Yui: Eh...!?

Did you know, perhaps? That Ruki-kun still wishes to become Adam.

Yuma: Nah, I didn’t. But I could sorta tell. I guess ya can call it a guy’s intuition?

So? What did he say?

Yui: ...He asked me why he can’t become Adam.

I thought he was no longer bothered by it. But...I guess I was wrong.

( I chose to be with Ruki-kun instead of with ‘Adam’. I thought that was good enough for him. )

Yuma: I mean, I can sorta relate to him.

Us dudes are all big doofuses, ya see. We can’t help but instinctively yearn for ‘power’ and such.

I mean, Ruki-kun looked up to Karlheinz-san more than any of us, right? Almost in a fanboy-ish manner.

I think that’s why he was so set on becomin’ the Adam whom that man sought after.

Yui: I understand that as well. But I thought he had moved past that.

Yuma: I’m sure that he knows that if he uses his brain. But try thinkin’ ‘bout it. This has been a wish of his long before the two of ya even met, ya know?

I think we can’t blame him for still wantin’ it somewhere deep inside, no matter what he tries to make himself believe?

Yui: ...Perhaps...

Yuma: It wasn’t easy for ya to accept that you’re Eve either, was it? It’s the exact same thing.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell ya this, but despite how he comes across, Ruki-kun can be a bit of a softie, right?

Selection

→ You think so...?

Yui: You think so...?

Yuma: Ah, I guess he won’t show ya that side of his. He wants to look cool in front of the girl he loves after all.

→ Right. (❦)

Yui: ...Right. He’s got a kind heart after all.

Yuma: Yeah. I knew you had him figured out.

Yuma: Well, I think he ends up overthinkin’ a lot ‘cause of that. Like he feels emotionally vulnerable.

Yui: ...You know him very well, don’t you?

Yuma: We’re bros after all! I’ve known him much longer than even you have.

Yui: You’re right. it feels like we’ve been together for so long but compared to you guys, I barely even know him.

Yuma: Oi oi. Don’t be goin’ down that rabbit hole as well, ‘kay?

You helped him in a way in which we could never have. Ruki absolutely needs you in his life after all.

Yui: ...Thank you, Yuma-kun. I’ll go look for him now, okay?

Yuma: I’m pretty sure he’s over at the inner courtyard. I saw him walkin’ into that direction.

Yui: Thanks!

ー Yui runs off

Yuma: ...Damn, those guys really are two of a kind, huh?

ー The scene shifts to the inner courtyard

Yui: ��ー Ruki-kun!

Ruki: ...Did Yuma come talk to you?

Yui: Eh? ...How?

Ruki: He entered the room after crossing paths with me, right? I can sort of imagine what happened.

Yui: Yeah...We had a long talk. He also told me that you’re probably here.

Ruki: ...To think I need my own younger brother to look out for me.

Yui: That’s not the only reason why but...I want to properly sit down with you and talk once more. About the Adam thing.

Monologue

When I gently grabbed hold of his hand,

He also squeezed back.

By doing so,

no words are needed,

to convey our mutual love for one another.

Still, how Ruki-kun feels exactly,

as well as what goes on inside his head (考える人)

Perhaps I do not fully understand

those things just yet. (まだ知らない),

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #ruki mukami #lost eden #diabolik lovers translation #lerukidark8

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meimi-haneoka · 1 year ago

Note

Thank you so much again! I love your chatty responses. It actually articulates so much of what I am thinking. And yes, by "arrogance", I definitely meant 'taking on the burden of everything by myself' thing rather than the former but your exposition is certainly very illuminating. Also, I was wondering if people feel uncomfortable with Akiho and Kaito age gap. I surprisingly don't and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that Kaito's love for Akiho, despite being romantic, is not as yet sexual. I am not sure if I am conveying this in the right manner. I was reading the manga and I was creeped out by the Rika Terada shipping in it but surprisingly was alright with Kaho-Eriol ship because I see the latter as "mental" peers. I am not sure whether I am able to articulate my thoughts right, but what I am trying to say is that while I understand were the hue and cry against the age gap comes from, somehow Yuna and Akiho's age gap does not bother me. On the topic of age gap relations, I was also wondering about Sakura's late Amamiya great-grandmother. Back as a kid, I always thought it was a bit strange that Masaki was her great-grandfather instead of just a grandfather (Nadeshiko's dad) who could have even more easily disapproved of Nadeshiko's union with Fujitaka. It leads to wonder about Nadeshiko's own family tree. Also, I didn't understand the England connection with her and I believe that had a lot to do with discrepancies with the English translation. Did Nadeshiko grow up in England? Or just visited England? What exactly is Sakura's late great grandmother's (and I believe her birth family's) connection with England? Do you think that the great-grandmother was a Reed? What happened to Sakura's maternal grandparents? By extension, same with Tomoyo's, considering the Amamiya cousins' parents where siblings who retained their Amamiya family name? Do you think that the potentially Reed great-grandmother was the source of magic in the Amamiya family's lineage? Do you think Tomoyo is subconsciously sensitive to magic or some latent psychic powers due to the potentialy Reed great-grandmother? After all, she made that Sakura doll with the Final Judgement clothes, she also made the right costumes for the right cards or incidences, she also could feel something was off with the play (unlike Naoko?) and could also feel something was off with rewritten world. I am so sorry but I really went down a rabbit hole while reading the manga. I would love to hear your thoughts!

LOL you might be my new favorite follower & asker 😆 Your questions stimulate my chatty side because they touch topics that are very interesting to me! Not only that, but we agree on many aspects! ;)

Ohohoh, the matter of the age gap between Kaito and Akiho........(/laughs but actually wants to cry) As you probably have guessed, it's a difficult matter for the fandom, it's always been frowned upon ever since day one and even now that it's becoming more apparent that their feelings are mutual (despite many still hope for them not to be) and now that they went to such lengths for eachother, there's still discontent towards them (I have to say that the supporters have increased too, thankfully for me). (continues under the cut)

The fact is, we don't really know Kaito's age, but from some calculations I've made he really might be the same age as Touya and Yukito or even one year younger. What we know for sure is that he cannot have an age gap bigger than 10/11 years with Akiho, judging from what Lilie said in chapter 72. I want to specify this because in these 7 years of serialization I've seen lots of nonsense in fandom spaces (when I still checked them), like "he must be close to his thirties because you can only be a legal guardian to someone if you're older than 25", some completely made up bullsh*t because 1) who said CLAMP have to abide to those rules in their manga, a freaking 10 year old was living all on his own in the OG series, plus we got MAGIC here; 2) Whoever said he's her legal guardian?? He's her butler, her butler and nothing more. In fact, the events depicted at Parents Day (chapter 40-onwards) made clear that Kaito is not considered Akiho's legal guardian, not by Akiho herself but not even by her school (they were looking for her to get one of her relatives to participate, Kaito only offered himself at the very end because he didn't want to see her sad and because he wanted to check her future real parental figure). For this reason, Kaito is often seen in the fandom as some improbable "parental/brother figure" to Akiho, because his (apparent) detached behavior, his apparent "non-response" to Akiho's romantic attempts and his being older than her gets interpreted in that way, ignoring the fact that the guy is so immature that it feels really inappropriate to stick a label of that kind on him (the fact that he's immature is not my delusion, he's been called like that multiple times by CLAMP in their Twitter Spaces). I get it, in the beginning Kaito really looked way older than what he's looking now. At some point me and a friend found out that in volume 3 CLAMP removed the adam's apple that was drawn on him on his first appearance in chapter 11 while it was serializing on Nakayoshi...we wondered for years what was that for, and it's apparent now with the constant and gradual "rejuvenation" process he underwent throughout the story that "someone" clearly didn't specify or didn't communicate Kaito's age properly to her colleague, and they had to correct that "in progress". The fact he's never been drawn with that adam's apple ever again indicates that he's not meant to be considered a full grown adult in his 20s, for example. Then, another culprit is certainly the ENG translation, which keeps making other characters refer to him as a "man" when no one in this manga ever called him like that. They call him "butler", or "attendant", "magician", he's even called "kid" by Momo and Lilie. But never specifically "man".

I've expressed my thoughts on this matter three years ago in response to an ask and now with (much more) updated information I can confirm even further what I said back then: I'm not usually one into age gap ships (despite it's still a popular trope in Japan and not only), but this one really got me by the throat because of the intensity of their story and the emotional development that touches my heartstrings in a very deep way. Probably due to their shared background, I feel an intense wish to see them happy, see them together and comforting eachother because when I think about them I don't see their age, and honestly with how immature Kaito is, I don't even feel the "age gap". I completely agree with you that there isn't absolutely any sexual connotation to the feelings these two are having for eachother at the moment, but honestly it's like that with all the ships in CCS. For a person on the asexual spectrum like me, CCS is like a breath of fresh air and a story I can really resonate with. It's true that its protagonists are very young, maybe too young to feel that kind of attraction, but the same treatment is given to the more mature characters as well, so you really feel that that is the "protected environment" where CLAMP want these characters to interact. Moreover, judging from the "vibe" he's giving, I have the headcanon that Kaito might actually be asexual or demisexual. I totally understand what you mean when you say that Kaho and Eriol are mental peers, in fact it's really true due to Eriol's circumstances, and they're not together because of their bodies but because of their soul, heart and mind. That is also what makes me support Kaito and Akiho romantically, it's because they're soulmates and as such, they recognize eachother no matter the time, space or events in between, and react accordingly. Let's also remember that when Kaito decided to accompany Akiho in her travel to collect books, and therefore starting his plan to save her, he was a kid himself. You can see it in the latest flashback of ch. 70. We don't know exactly what kind of emotion "unlocked" his stunted will to interact and do something for someone else, but certainly he was already feeling some kind of "connection" to her, which became only deeper along the years and eventually brought him to extend his plan from "I need to remove the artifact from her" to "I want to give her happiness" too.

Despite that, there are objections like "okay, even if you take out the sexual element from it, it's still wrong because of the power unbalance" and I swear to god, I can't feel that either, from them. There isn't any unbalance because first of all, he's working for her, he's not in a position of power over her (his being a magician does not factor in this because he used power to make her happy, not to dominate her), she's his freaking boss and he does whatever she asks him to. Moreover, when it's time for Akiho to call him out on his bullshit, she's absolutely not afraid to do so, like in chapter 52 and I think chapter 78 was the epitome of that. That shows that he isn't having ""power"" over her, he's not even manipulating her despite wanting her to not notice anything to not disrupt her peace of mind. She's not codependent on him, she's got her own life with her friends at school. She doesn't even see a parental, guiding figure in him, that's not what she's looking for in him and not what made her attracted to him: even when she was placed in a familiar environment where she got a father and even a brother, she still looked for him. Her heart, her very soul, still felt a huge void that hurt her everyday. We wouldn't see her going red as a tomato and be so assertive with him, if she looked at him as one of those figures. That's why I feel icked when some fans reduce their relationship to only that. I wouldn't be able to ship them if I detected those vibes. I honestly don't see anything toxic between them and I know that if CLAMP will confirm that Kaito reciprocates her, it wouldn't change much from what we have already seen till now, especially cause they're not SyaoSaku, they have their own story, their own couple dynamic, their own scars to heal from, and so also their own timing to become a full-fledged couple, in that sense. For now he would just continue to express his love through food and the care he's been taking of her till now. Especially cause he would need to learn along the way how this "strange thing" works. That's why I say that they would "grow up together". *draws a deep breath*

.....Oh my god, did I really write all of that? 😂 You just need to mention those two and it's like you're opening the dam 😂😂😂 It might also be that I'm a little bit in abstinence of long talks about those two and their story.....Well. I took it as an opportunity to state once again my view about those two characters and their romantic involvement.

Now, onto the other part of the ask...

There's a lot of speculation that can be done about Nadeshiko's family, but there is a canon material that helps us understanding at least a little bit more than what was said in the manga/anime, that's the first Drama CD of the OG series, "Sakura and her mother's organ", where Sakura needs to write about her mother for an assignment at school and Fujitaka talks a little about her past. Apparently, Nadeshiko worked as a model when she was very little, she was an elementary schooler and it seems like she was convinced to get into that industry because an acquaintance of her father and grandfather (Masaki) asked them so. Nadeshiko didn't care for that experience, though, because as Fujitaka says "it's a very complicated environment", and she dropped it by the time she went to middle school.

In that drama CD was already introduced the fact that Nadeshiko had a mysterious power, and more specifically, was able to know future events in advance: for example she already knew thanks to her "sixth sense" that she would have two children, a boy and a girl. For this reason, she was the one to beat Fujitaka to the punch when it came to propose for marriage. Yes, it was Nadeshiko the one who asked Fujitaka to get married! And in the same way she also seemed particularly eager to have children soon, I can't shake off this idea that she probably already knew or could feel that she didn't have much time left to live....... And that's also why she decided to take on again the modeling job because she felt that was something she could easily do towards the goal of acquiring a nice house in "a city full of greenery", thanks to Clear Card now we also know that Nadeshiko wasn't looking for "any house", but a specifically well positioned and special house with a barrier that would protect the ones who would become her family in the future.

From what's depicted in this Drama CD, I get the idea that Nadeshiko's family of origin was very wealthy and they probably loved her, but she didn't feel understood in that kind of environment. Like, money, this modeling job based on looks, it was very far from what Nadeshiko was searching for in life. And that's probably why she recognized her soulmate in Fujitaka, who's still got this aura of "naivety" and is extremely kind to this day, and probably why she sought after her happiness with him, eventually causing a rupture with her family of origin.

We don't know really anything about Nadeshiko's grandmother, and there isn't really any tie (that we know of, coming to chapter 78) to England in that sense: Nadeshiko was able to meet Lilie because she went there with her grandparents in occasion of one of their travels abroad. Nadeshiko and Lilie didn't spend long time together, but they bonded greatly over such short period of time. Yeah, I can see how this part might have been confusing in the ENG translation.

Actually, in relation to the "Reed" clan, I've had for the longest time the theory that the Squids are actually the Reed clan 😂😂 so the "Reed in disguise" would be our Akiho! I know for a fact that a huge translation mistake in the ENG version makes one of the Squids say "we have the same blood of Clow Reed", hence suggesting this theory as true, but sadly I have to confirm that we actually haven't had any kind of statement in that sense and that was just a translation mistake!

For Tomoyo's great capabilities, I think she's just amazing as she is!! Her intuition, after all, spans over many situations, not only when it comes to Sakura but about other people too! In one of the Clear Card chapters it was suggested that even Naoko involuntarily ended up writing a scenario for the play that was very fitting with the current situation, and that's something that people who are particularly perceptive are capable to do!

#reply #card captor sakura #ccsakura #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #yunaaki #akiyuna

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redhairedwolfwitch · 2 years ago

Note

Hello Scarlet Swagger (I'll be honest I ran out of ideas and had an AI come up with this one),

Not to worry, I survived, the food was fine and I had a fun night (the next day was a bit rough though).

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend moving away, that must be hard. I can imagine the childhood bedroom getting quite isolating at times. I really hope you do get to actually leave your small town one day, but until then, maybe there are other ways to "get out of there", even if it's just for a while.

From what I read, you carry a rich imagination, which you convey through your wonderful storytelling. I reckon that your ability to fantasise, creating and maintaining narratives, concepts and entire worlds of your own, could enable you to occasionally escape your reality. In a way those thing might one day help you in writing your own narrative.

I've also noticed that you can be rather investigative, in both a curious and an analytical sense, when it comes to your storytelling, as you tend to do thorough research to get the timeline exactly right. Curiosity is highly powerful, and who knows, you may find that your town, or your bedroom can be just as interesting as any other part of the world, but you'll never know if you don't investigate, explore all possibilities. The analytical part might allow you to view the bigger picture, as you too are just on a timeline, though you don't know where it's taking you, yet.

Lastly, an obvious way to escape without physically leaving, would be online, be it through tumblr or other platforms. Calling, texting, or receiving unnecessarily long tumblr asks can bring the people furthest away from you right beneath your fingertips, and I hope you have found an outlet that way. I do know you have this platform, with so many nice people, some friend who now calls you Gingernut and, if you'll have me, me!

By the way, all of this was not in any way intended as advice, although I now realise it may have come out this way, and I am sorry if this feels like unsolicited advice. I was simply pondering a non-existent question, drifting off, which I find myself doing a bit too often. But at least I've written my thoughts down this time, instead of suddenly waking up from my contemplating and being like "wait, what was i doing?"

Anyways, gone on for far too long once again. I hope you are doing okay and feel free to summon me whenever, even if I don't write to you for a while, we don't always have to take turns writing to the other.

As always, much love,

-Chaotic Anon

hello my agent of chaos (and the AI you used, no worries there, there's only so many chaotic nicknames for one with a head of flaming hair)

i'm glad you had a fun night and avoided food poisoning (even if your next day was a bit grime oof).

Yeah it's not fun, it was hard to contact her before but I just, it's so hard to contact anyone I know irl these days and I hate feeling so alone. I have my online friends and tumblr mutuals but everyone is scattered across the globe.

Thank you, i used to see my mind as this chaotic mess with a desperate need for details and things to make sense, i will daydream the same scene over and over until it works for a fic, i wish i could use my writing skills for more than fanfiction sometimes but i just have no idea. 'investigate, explore all possibilities' I'm opening more doors by eventually getting my driving license and allowing myself further than the restrictions of my feet and the bus rotas, but this little village is small and my desire to avoid anyone i grew up with combats any desire to explore it sometimes.

my timeline at the moment is just, driving lessons, earn money and get experience from my current work, and hope it builds towards something. i refuse to get comfortable and stuck with where i'm currently at. you have a way of being very inspiring, you agent of chaos, i just don't know what is further ahead in my timeline past October honestly.

honestly i'm online a lot, but my irl friends don't even look at their notifications, sometimes it's luck that i get a reply days later, sometimes i never get a reply, i only video call with one person, and i talk to her everyday but other than that, it's just me, living with my parents and getting visits from next door's cat. 'unnecessarily long tumblr asks' but we love details, and maybe we should get a batsignal... or a chaotic anon signal inspired by the batsignal who knows... i do enjoy these chats honestly, no worries about it being advice or what not, it's just inspirational chats, let's be honest there:)

i'm doing my best, looking forward to eating some jaffa hot cross buns and i keep adding to the stack of dvds i want to rewatch so... i think i'll be okay, also feel free to throw an ask in my ask box, which will turn on the batsignal hehehehe, or i'll post a batsignal gif or something i don't know, just take care, even if you're an agent of chaos, i prefer agents of chaos to take care of themselves too:)

best wishes and best chaos,

~Lux

#hello anon #chaotic anon

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rivashi · 2 years ago

Text

oversized jacket

synopsis: reacting to their crush wearing another guy’s jacket w/ a TWIST

characters: matsukawa issei, hanamaki tahahiro (ft. kyoutani kentarou & gn!reader)

genre(s): fluff, slight angst, a pinch of crack, jealously, friends to lovers, accidental confessions(?), mutual pinning, college!au | headcanons

cw: swearing, slight manga spoilers if you squint, mentions of bullying, implied toxic masculinity, so-called “nice guy”, mentions of stalker-ish behavior, extremely long, & vvv self indulgent cuz i was emo when i wrote this <3

note: this was inspired from this <3 also, this hcs was supposed to include oikawa and iwaizumi but i had to cut them out. i hope you like it e n way <3

note 2: this is reposted from my old (soon-to-be deactivated) blog: @/levinneheart

Matsukawa Issei

He went to his last class early and was surprised to see you were already there, sitting in your usual chair

This was a first, usually he would be the first to arrived in the classroom and you would arrived after him with snacks in your arms

“I need snacks to survive this long day, you’re welcome to have some.” You’d say to him and you were absolutely right

You and your snacks made him get through the day without a pounding head and a growling stomach as he went home

You were working diligently on something while occasionally popping a cheese-flavored popcorn onto your mouth

He assumed you were working on your assignments in advance for subjects he didn’t have as it was your routine

He clears his throat, catching your attention and making you looked at his direction as he greeted you with a small smile

You were practically beaming, eyes lighting up at the sight of him as you greeted him back cheerfully, seemingly in a good mood

He took his usual seat beside you and you immediately laid your head on his shoulder, sighing in content

He didn’t mind your gesture if it weren’t for the pounding on his heart but he was surprised you hadn’t noticed it yet

To him, you were so out of his league – so kind, so generous, so everything of his ideal type and pretty to look in the eyes too

The way that you two wordlessly and unconsciously leaned in for each other’s touch – absolutely no highs

Just the comfortable silence of enjoying one another’s presences that he longs in relationships

This feeling scared him – terrified him, even. Since he never felt anything like this for anyone before

Little did he know, it was your way of conveying to him with your love language and that the feeling is mutual

It wasn’t long before class started and not long till it ends. The clouds were starting to get grey and dark. Seems like that it’s starting to raining too. You usually like this kind of weather if it wasn’t such a hassle to get home. It’s getting cold too, you thought as you rubbed your hands together and snuggled subconsciously against Mattsun for warmth.

Matsukawa, on the other hand, held the urge to slip his arm onto your waist and pull you closer to him, the urge to press you firmly to his broad chest and bury his face onto your shoulder. His fingers twitched at the thought but he shook the feelings away before poking you once as he excused himself to you before softly nudging you off him to retreat to the restroom.

When he arrived, he deeply sighed with a fist clutching his chest to desperately trying to calm his accelerating heartbeats. He told— more like convinced himself that he will confess after class but you being so close to him was making it harder to remember his memorized lines. He could still remember how you smelt like, the scent of your shampoo mixed in with your favorite perfume.

It was driving him mad at how good you smell. He splashed his face with water from the sink before staring at himself, trying to focus before chuckling to himself. He looks ridiculous right now, his face slightly damped and eyes glaring at nothing but his reflection. He’ll be fine, even if you reject him – he could just play it cool and say it was a joke.

Yeah, right. He thought. That’s just mean.

When he comes back, his seat was occupied by a fellow male student, laughing with you. This would had been fine as you were quite approachable yet he couldn’t help himself but to eye on the unfamiliar jacket you were currently wearing. You didn’t wore the clothing earlier and it looked too big for you to own it.

His mind was racing with the thought of you wearing another guy’s jacket other than his and his feelings were all over the place; mixture of anger, disappointment, and heartbroken. You never told him you were taken and you never really specify that you didn’t like him so he knew he had a chance.

He firmly grabbed your shoulders and glared daggers at the man before he stood up from his chair, cowering away while you turned around to face him with a frown. “What was that for? He was getting to the best part of his joke.”

“I don’t like him and his jacket on you so take it off.”

“What? No, this isn’t his—”

“I’ll exchanged it for mine.” he cuts off.

“No thanks, Sei. What’s this all about anyway—”

“Please, yn. Don’t make me—”

“No is no, Sei. Besides—”

“I like you. Can you now please wear my jacket?”

You stayed silent for a second, stunned at his sudden confession and jealousy over a piece of clothing. “I like you too but this is actually my jacket.”

“…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me, right?”

“Nope, I tried telling you.” You grinned at him, poking his sides as his eyes widened in realization.

“Oh…” He trails off. “Wait! Did you just say you like me?” This made you chuckle, it made you want to play with him just a little.

“Did I?” You say, teasingly.

He groaned in response. “Although, I must say: you look adorable, being all jealous over my oversized jacket.” He palms his face and that makes you chuckle even more as you grin at him. “My jealous boyfriend.”

Oh god— he doesn’t care anymore and he wouldn’t have it any other way as long as you keep tell him you’re his.

Hanamaki Takahiro

You and Hanamaki met in elementary school and immediately became friends all the way till highschool

Back then, he was smaller than you and got bullied because of his pinkish-brown locks, causing him to be subconscious of it

But you told him otherwise so you protected him and fought against many of his bullies in elementary

During in middle school and highschool though, he grew more taller and confident on his hair because of you

You didn’t had to protect him anymore so you settled on cheering and supporting him from the bleachers during his games

His team would welcome you warmly so it wasn’t a surprise to them that you grew on them, along with Kyoutani

He even developed a soft spot for you, causing you to call him: Kyou without any honorifics since you two had grown close

At first Hanamaki was ok with it, you’d love making new friends to bond with, but at the same time he was envious

Back then he was your only friend and now, your attention was everywhere but him and you two were seeing each other less

You tend to stick with Kyoutani these past few days, ever since the two of you became classmates and seatmates

And he was gonna graduate soon, leaving you behind to focus on your studies and club activities to be able to graduate

That thought saddened him, he doesn’t want to be apart from you and yet he also doesn’t want to chain you down

Hanamaki has now graduated and is working nearby Aoba Johsai, sometimes you’d go in there to buy snacks on your way home or to shelter yourself from the hot breeze of summer air and into the cool temperature of the grocery store.

Either way, he was just happy to see you in one of his jobs and sometimes catching up with you about your life and vise versa. You, however, went there to escape your persistent admirer who just can’t seem to understand why you would say no to him.

It was turning into your safe haven where you can relax and breathe without worrying about him watching your every movement. And today wasn’t one of those moments, you’ve had a sinking feeling on your gut so you stayed close to Kyoutani and asking him to walk with you home.

“Just to be safe, Kyou.” You say as you clinged tightly onto his arm. He grumbled in annoyance but didn’t protest against it, instead he let you gingerly drag him to the usual grocery store where Hanamaki worked. Not knowing that your unwanted admirer was following the two of you.

The sounds of bells ringing alerted Hanamaki of of new customers. “Welcome to— oh, hey Kyoutani and y/n.” He says with a smile, grateful to see familiar faces inside the empty store as usually around this time of night was less busy than in the morning and afternoon.

“I’m going to the restroom, yell when you need me.” Kyoutani informed to you, squeezing your arm before gently prying away from your grasp. You nodded with a smile and leaving you alone with Hanamaki. You stood there still, occasionally fidgeting as you looked around anxiously.

“What’s wrong?” He couldn’t help but asked.

“I—” You were cut off but the entrance’s bells ringing and you instantly stiffened at the presence of the newcomer.

“There you are, (l/n). You’re so hard to keep track of. You’re lucky that I’m such a nice guy, going out of my way to do this. And it’s all for you.”

Hanamaki noticed you slightly trembling from the corner of his eyes and as he was about to say something, he was interrupted by a cough from none other than Kyoutani. “Who the fucking hell do you think you are?” He asks, almost growling.

“Her admirer.” The self proclaimed nice guy proudly said.

Kyoutani scoffed before turning to you. “Is this creep bothering you, (n/n)?” He asks, draping a jacket he was holding over your shoulders.

Your admirer look between you two. “I don’t believe you would date someone like this, (l/n). You can do better by dating me.”

“Actually,” Hanamaki spoke up. “they can date whoever they want as long as it’s not you. Now, go before I call the police for suspected illegal activities.” He warned with venom laced in his tone while crossing his arms over his chest.

The boy huffed. “You’re not that pretty anyway!” He hollered at you as he stormed out like a kid throwing a tantrum.

You released a heavy sigh of relief before thanking Kyoutani and Hanamaki multiple times for helping you finally get rib of that guy.

“No problem, (y/n). He was just jealous you two look cute together.” Hanamaki teased, hiding his pain of the thought of you being taken.

“We’re not dating.” You chuckled as Kyoutani grunted in agreement.

“And the jacket?”

“It’s mine, I told him to hold it for me.”

“Oh.” He paused for a second before laughing out loud. “I assumed you two were dating since the two of you are pretty close.”

“Well, yeah. Didn’t Mattsun-senpai tell you that we’re cousins?”

“…”

“Nope, he didn’t tell me anything.” That jerk. He cursed.

“Were you jealous of Kyou, Makki-senpai?” You teased with a smirk.

Fuck it. This was his last chance. “Yeah, I was! Now, I’m all embarrassed and stupid because I used to like you.” He rambles while you look at Kyou and he shrugs before leaving the store.

“Why didn’t you confess before?”

“You know why!”

“And it only took my oversized jacket to make you confess to me? You’re unbelievable.” You shook your head in disbelief. “I liked you too, idiot!”

“Oh… WAIT, WHAT?!”

675 notes · View notes

inadaydream99 · 3 years ago

Text

Playing With Fire

NCT Jung Jaehyun oneshot, mutual pining, friends to lovers ish, female reader

A/N - Ok, this came out of nowhere, but when inspiration strikes!

Disclaimer: this does not represent any of the members in real life and is purely for entertainment purposes! This has not been proofread yet.

You feel like an awful person. But it wasn’t like you’d gone out for the sole purpose of bumping into him and it’s also not your fault that he’d stuck around, bought you a drink and spent the last hour and a half talking with you.

The him in question is your ex’s best friend, Jaehyun. You see, you hadn’t exactly ended things with your ex Jungwoo on good terms, so you really shouldn’t be enjoying hanging out with his best friend right now. But Jaehyun just feels so familiar and, damn it, you’ve missed him a lot. You really are a shit person indeed. Because, despite knowing that if this gets back to Jungwoo it will cause an argument between them, you’re having too much of a good time with Jaehyun to turn him away.

The way Jaehyun smiles down at you so affectionately brings a warmth to your cheeks. You didn’t think it was possible, but he’s grown even more handsome since you last saw him.

“We should hang out more.” His words rip you out of your thoughts, making you almost forget how to breathe.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” you reluctantly shake your head, your gaze faltering away from looking at him to focus on your drink instead. You hear Jaehyun sigh before taking a step closer to you.

“I get it, I’m your ex’s best friend.” Jaehyun begins, successfully getting you to look back up at him once again. You watch as he slowly leans down closer to your ear. “But doesn’t that make it all the more fun?”

Your breath hitches in your throat, eyes going wide and heartbeat racing out of your chest as Jaehyun pulls back to reveal the please smirk that adorns his face. His words on the surface are innocent enough, but his tone tells you otherwise. And his smirk, well it’s daring, conveying a promise of more than just friends.

He’s cheeky. Jaehyun is a little like playing with fire. Being with him this evening had felt really electrifying and you know, buried deep down under layers of guilt, you want to keep seeing him too.

It’s two days later when you next see Jaehyun. This time deliberately, which makes it all the more nerve wracking.

It’s not like you don’t want to see him, because you really, really do.

It’s just, what if you get caught?

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Jaehyun’s first words instantly melt the tension in your shoulders away. How does he seem to so effortlessly calm you, without even trying?

“Maybe I have.” You lightly laugh, plopping yourself down into the seat opposite him.

The coffee shop is buzzing with life and the warm aroma of freshly ground coffee floats in the air.

“I took the liberty of getting you an Americano.” Jaehyun smiles.

“You rememberd my favourite.” You beam back at him, your heart skipping a beat because of his kind gesture.

“How could I not? You literally always had one when you would visit.” Jaehyun teases, picking up his own drink in the process to take a sip.

Your eyes flutter shut as you savour the first mouthful of the perfectly balanced coffee; just the right amount of bitterness mixing in with the smooth. And when your eyes reopen, you find Jaehyun already watching you.

It’s a little intense, the way he observes your every movement. You’ve never known him to be so unashamed of being caught. There’s a fire burning behind his eyes, it’s fierce but comforting. His quiet confidence was always something you found extremely alluring about him when you were with Jungwoo.

“Good?” His question seems pointless at this point, he knows the answer already.

“Incredible.” You nod. “Thank you.”

Reclined back in his seat, he looks almost too tempting. A hot flush creeping up the back of your neck, tinting your skin a light red. You just hope it isn’t obvious.

The third time to see Jaehyun, he’s standing at your front door. You’re not even sure how he knows where you live, but you’re not complaining. You’re happy he’s here.

“I just wanted to see you.” His reply is casual as he takes a seat on the sofa in your small apartment living room. Outstretching his arms on either side of the back of the sofa, the first of his cheeky smirks surfaces on his face. “Why, did you not want to see me?”

He knows the answer. But your shy smile and inability to look at him directly confirms his assumptions.

“I always want to see you.” You mumble, taking a seat beside him.

You keep a friendly distance between you, not completely sure of what your dynamic is anymore. Of course, you really want to shuffle up right beside him, leaving no space between your bodies. Maybe even cuddle into his side and lay your head on his chest… but you don’t have to guts to make the first move.

“It’s ok, I don’t bite.” Jaehyun can sense your hesitation, so he moves his arm to rest on your shoulder and pulls you into him. And that’s where you stay for the rest of the night, cuddling with him while you talk away about anything and everything. It’s always so easy with Jaehyun, you feel safe in his presence.

You could have happily stayed in his arms forever.

Your fourth encounter with Jaehyun isn’t as sweet as the third. Actually, you wish you could just run away, or the ground could open up and swallow you.

You’re doing some grocery shopping, minding your own business as you search for your favourite crackers when you hear his familiar laugh. You instantly look around the isle in search of him, freezing when you see him walk around the corner and down your isle with Jungwoo.

“You should have seen-” Jaehyun’s sentence cuts off, the smile falling off his face when he spots you.

“(Y/N)?” He hears Jungwoo utter in disbelief.

It all happens so fast. From the second you spot them both, to Jungwoo saying your name, to him then walking over to you in the middle of the snack isle.

“It’s been so long, how are you?” Jungwoo is ever the kind, sweet natured guy you remember, and the friendly smile he sends you makes you feel a little more at ease. He’s definitely matured a lot since you last saw him, you can tell from the fact that he has approached you first and seems happy, at least on the surface, to see you.

It’s a tricky one, yours and Jungwoo’s relationship. While you’d dated him for two years in college, you were the one that initiated the break up just after you’d graduated.

It wasn’t because you didn’t love him anymore, but because you’d grown so much since you’d completed your degrees. The full-time working adult lives you had just begun living we’re sending you in opposite directions and you found yourselves having less and less time to spend together.

“I’m ok, been busy.” You grow more awkward the closer Jaehyun gets to where you are both stood. “What are you guys up to?”

“Oh, well, I’m forcing Jae to hang out tonight cause he’s been spending all his time sneaking off lately.” Jungwoo jests, lightly elbowing Jaehyun who is now stood by his side.

You hope he doesn’t notice the strange feeling in the air, or the way that Jaehyun is looking at you.

“You remember Jaehyun.”

“Yeah, it’s been ages.” You’re practically tongue tied at this point.

“Actually-” you almost forget how to breath when you hear Jaehyun finally speak up. “We bumped into eachother a couple weeks ago. (Y/N) was at the same bar I went to with Johnny.”

Jungwoo doesn’t seem phased by this information. Which is a huge relief. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that he could easily figure things out. After all, you both know that while Jungwoo likes to come off as unassuming and playful, he isn’t stupid.

“Oh yeah, I’d forgotten about that.” You force a laugh, hoping to play it all down.

“Well, I should get going. But it was lovely to see you both.” You smile, exchanging goodbyes with them before hurrying away as quick as you can.

“(Y/N), wait up.” You hear him call you as you walk down the street.

“What is it Jaehyun.” You want him to know you’re not impressed with his antics, so you keep your tone flat and expression uninterested.

“I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you look today.” He winks, before walking back into the store where you presume Jungwoo still is. You can tell by the confidence in his walk that he’s proud of himself, and you don’t know if you should be flustered, amused or still pissed off at him.

Jung Jaehyun really is confusing.

By the fifth time you see Jaehyun, it’s two days before Valentines. You know because you are sneaking around to the apartment he shares with Jungwoo to post his birthday card through the door.

“He’s not here, if you want to come in.” You turn around in surprise when you hear Jaehyun call out to you. You hadn’t intended to be caught, let alone be invited into his place, but here you are.

It’s a strange feeling being at your ex’s boyfriends apartment, but hanging out with his best friend. So many memories, good and bad, flashing across your mind.

You remember one that includes Jaehyun. You were in the kitchen with Jungwoo, tears of laughter streaming down your cheeks as you and Jungwoo decided to bake some cookies together.

You hadn’t thought much of it then, but you remember Jaehyun retuning for class to find you both with flour in your hair and throwing raw cookie dough at each other; even if you’d cooked it it wouldn’t have been edible anyway.

It was when things had calmed down and Jungwoo had gone to the bathroom to clean himself up when Jaehyun silently began helping you clear up. You didn’t realise that you’d stopped cleaning, instead watching him, until Jaehyun had paused to look at you with a cheekily knowing grin.

You’d be lying if you’d said that you hadn’t found him attractive back then too, who wouldn’t? But, there was something about the way he looked at you, an admiration behind his eyes that he could never express to you because you were his best friends girlfriend.

“Feels strange being back here huh?” Jaehyun breaks you out of your zoning out, once again being able to know exactly what you are thinking without even trying.

“I think I should go.” You mumble, beginning to turn back around towards the front door. You’ve only been here for a few minutes, but it’s long enough for you to feel like you’ve overstepped boundaries as an ex.

“But you just got here.” Jaehyun’s voice is soft, his hand grabbing onto your wrist to keep you from leaving. It’s evident he doesn’t want you to leave, but what if Jungwoo comes back early and finds you? What happens then?

“I shouldn’t be here.” You shake your head, your voice cracking a little as you struggle to hold back the emotions that begin to overwhelm you.

“Shhhhh it’s ok.” Jaehyun whispers, pulling you into his embrace and wrapping his arms around you. You accept him without any protest, finding peace and warmth in his arms. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted this? To be here with you, in my arms instead of his?” Jaehyun’s words make your stomach flip.

“How long?” You whisper into his chest. You know he’s smiling down at you from the way his chest vibrates a little from his hushed snickering.

“Since Jungwoo first introduced you as his new girlfriend back in second year of uni.”

There’s a drawn out pause between you, no more words needing to be exchanged as you stay in each others hold.

“Look,” Jaehyun breaks the silence, pulling away from you so he’s able to look you in the eyes. “I really like you and I know you’re my best friend ex. But it’s almost Valentines Day and I really want to ask you out.”

You’re speechless.

Of course, the last few times you’ve been with Jaehyun you have noticed how there seems to be something between you that is undoubtedly more than friends. But you’d never thought he would actually ask you out because it oversteps a boundary in his friendship with Jungwoo. But, having feelings for you and knowing that you are out of bounds only made Jaehyun want you even more.

When you first unexpectedly bumped into him in the bar all those weeks ago, you’d assumed it was a one off; a by chance encounter. You’d given him your number at the end of the night thinking you wouldn’t ever hear from him again. But then he’d asked you for coffee and you couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to say no.

When he’d randomly turned up at your front door, you thought you were dreaming. Simply hallucinating being with him because that’s all you could think about for days on end.

Then the grocery store encounter left you feeling confused. Your anger towards how he’d been giving subtle signs that you could be the one he’s sneaking off to see in front of your ex made you so mad. But how he chased after you just to tell you how beautiful you looked made you turn to putty in his hands.

You know how you’ve felt about Jaehyun all along. So you nod your head in answer to his question. Laughing heartily when he picks you and and spins you around in pure joy.

You’re not sure how Jungwoo’s going to take it when he finds out. But, playing with fire is dangerously fun. And as long as you’ve got Jaehyun by your side, you know you’ll be ok. Whatever happens, you won’t get burnt.

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mercy-burning · 3 years ago

Text

Fake Fiancée - Part 2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader becomes rather possessive over Spencer when she learns he’s been been with someone else since they hooked up four months ago. Category: SMUT (18+) Content Warnings: Language, mutual masturbation, oral sex (male and female receiving), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, hand-on-neck (no choking), praise, degradation kink, possession kink, dirty talk Word Count: 7.1k (I didn’t mean for it to get this long I swear aldjfsdlfksk)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

MASTERLIST

NOTE: HERE IT IS!!! 🥰 Thank you all for showing so much love to Part 1, I seriously wasn’t expecting all the requests for more of the story, so it was fun coming up with ideas! I’m still not sure if I want to do 3 or 4 parts yet, but I’ll let you know soon! In the meantime, I hope you all enjoy reading this second installment! ❤

***

He's been a ghost in my head for four months.

Everywhere I went I could hear his voice, hear the way he whimpered out my name and how cries got higher and higher as I clenched around him. I felt the rough grip he held on my hips as I rode him, the pads of his fingertips leaving behind faint bruises that I currently wished I still had.

And more prominently, I saw his face. It was always in the back of my mind, burning into me with lust-drunk eyes and a pouty mouth in the shape of an O. It sizzled into my brain, the sound definitely sounding more like raindrops than fire, but I was more than okay with that.

Though, every time it rained, I couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same— if he stood outside or watched from the safety of wherever he was and replayed that moment over and over again until he was aching to be in my presence once more.

I also had to wonder if he knew about the ring I'd left in his front seat.

Did he leave it in his car, perhaps in the glovebox or on a string that he tied around his mirror? Or did it fall somewhere between the seats? Maybe he found it and did what I never could, pawning it off for some happily-accepted cash while he laughed at how careless I was to take a stranger's virginity and then leave my expensive diamond ring behind like a fool.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the means to find out.

It's not like I could have wandered up to the FBI building and ask to meet with a Dr. Spencer Reid... Right? Because that as absurd. I'd only met the guy once, and he'd probably think I was crazy for trying to track him down.

It was a whole ordeal that I'd mulled over again and again, and I ultimately decided that it was ridiculous.

If anything I was happy to be rid of the ring. I could move on with my life, and maybe Spencer sold it for money or he's held on to it as a souvenir for a special night.

Win-win.

It didn't dull the small ache I felt for him, though. Every once in a while I found myself remembering how great that night was... I hadn't felt that way—sexy, confident, fun—in a long time, and as much as it sucked that he was getting picked on by some drunk idiots at a bar, I was glad it led me to him.

Some nights, when I was missing him significantly more than usual, I even went back to Waterson's in the event that I'd run into him again, hopefully under better circumstances.

Tonight was one of those nights.

This time I didn't have a ring to keep most of the men from hitting on me, but now that I was well and truly over my ex-husband, I was glad I didn't use that as an excuse to keep the ring around anymore. As annoying and painful as the drunken flirting was, I was way better equipped to handle it and truthfully somewhat relieved that I could get back to normal.

You know, save for the fact that I was only at Waterson's in the first place to maybe see some guy I hooked up with four months ago and still haven't stopped thinking about...

Because that was totally a normal thing to do.

I was on my second beer of the night when I felt a presence behind me. And even though I was pretty sure than I'd be able to tell if it was really Spencer, a part of me still buzzed thinking of the prospect of seeing him here again.

I turned around though, and was met with an entirely different person. I tried not to look disappointed, but it must have shown because the man who'd caught my attention gave a small laugh.

"I'm sorry, are you expecting someone?"

I liked to think that I had a good read on most people, especially when it came to men in bars. This man was someone I looked at for a few seconds and immediately knew that he wasn't looking to make me uncomfortable. He had come over to flirt with me, no doubt, but the difference here was that where most men would have gone straight into it, this man genuinely looked like he was willing to haul ass if I really was waiting for someone and didn't want his company.

That alone made me willing to entertain him a little, even if I was disappointed that he wasn't who I desperately wanted him to be. But it certainly helped that he was attractive.

The first word that came to mind was smooth. Even as I laughed back at the man and answered him, my eyes did some wandering of his figure and admired what I saw. A crisp, tight grey tee shirt that hugged some rather nice muscles, and brown skin that was just a few shades lighter than his eyes, which were kind and a little playful. His smile was stunning, sharing that same playfulness that his eyes held as he practically sparkled to life at my answer.

"Oh, no, I'm not... But I certainly wasn't expecting you..."

I made sure to smile at him, a little smirk that complimented the admiring eyes I was offering him and a little laugh that never failed to get me what I wanted.

He gently leaned into the bar, one of his hands coming to rest of the cool wooden surface. "I'm Derek."

"Y/N."

"Pretty name."

I don't know what made me so bold, but I nodded and shot him a wink. "Not as pretty as you."

We shared another laugh, and then I took a swig of my beer, finishing the last of it and then sliding towards him. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"We just met and you're already stealing from me... That's my line."

"What can I say, I'm quick... Hey, Carla! Can I get two more for me and my friend here?"

The bartender—and my longtime friend—laughed a little, taking my empty bottle. "Sure thing."

The look she gave me right before turning away practically yelled, I thought your type was helpless skinny white guys who can barely look you in the eye without creaming themselves...

Yeah, well, you worked with what you were given. And besides, my type was practically anyone with just a shred of decency.

Real high bar, huh?

But after Patrick, I couldn't complain. Derek seemed like the type of guy who would flirt with you at any given chance, but respected your boundaries all the same. Unfortunately that was hard to find nowadays, especially in bars like Waterson's.

So, yeah, he wasn't the man I was naively wishing to see here tonight, but he was into me, he was decent from what I could tell, and he was hot.

So we had a drink and spent a good twenty minutes chatting it up. Since it was my third beer of the night, I was accumulating a pretty steady buzz, and the longer I talked with Derek the more I opened up a little. I found myself leaning into him and finding excuses to lightly touch his arm, but I kept noticing that he was glancing down at his watch occasionally.

"Are you expecting someone?" I asked, playfully.

"Right, uh... Yeah, I was supposed to be meeting a friend here. He's usually early, but I think we got our times mixed up again..."

"Again, huh? You two aren't very good coordinators?"

Derek laughed, the sound making me feel all warm. "Well, for FBI agents you'd think we'd be better at it."

"O—Oh," I said, my heart stopping for a beat. Had I heard that right? Was I more tipsy than I thought? "FBI?"

"You seem stunned," he said with another laugh. "What, you're not a criminal, are you? Do I have to take you in?"

I laughed, albeit nervously, but decided that this all had to be pure coincidence. If I didn't, I would have gone insane. Even still, it was difficult for me to sit here and openly flirt with this man when I knew he just confessed to having the same profession as the literal man of my dreams— and as of late that also included daydreams.

In fact, I was positive that's what it was when I saw Spencer approach us— a daydream.

Derek was calling my name, I knew that much, but I couldn't do anything but look over his shoulder where Spencer's ghost practically froze in place when he spotted me.

"Y/N?"

That wasn't Derek's voice. Spencer's mouth moved in time with the calling of my name, and it even sounded like him. I blinked rapidly, hoping that I could snap out of it and excuse myself for the rest of the night, so I could go home and sleep it off.

But even when I finished blinking, expecting Spencer's figure to be gone, he was still there.

At this point Derek had turned around, and what he said next snapped me out of it pretty damn good.

"Reid? You know her?"

"You're real," I said, speaking for the first time in a while. My throat felt dry, and my heart came alive at the sight of him.

Spencer stared at me, his eyes softening after I spoke to him. I saw his lips twitch into a shy smile before his hand came up in an equally shy wave. "Y—Yeah, I'm real." What followed was a huffed laugh that cemented his nervousness at seeing me again for the first time in four months, and it was the most refreshing thing I'd heard in a while.

"Oh my God," I said, a smile of my own starting to creep up.

I'd completely forgotten about Derek being there until he spoke up, snapping us out of our reunion, his voice conveying every range of confusion.

"What the hell is this?"

***

I knew there was always a minor chance that I'd run into her again, but it still rendered me utterly still and practically useless when I spotted her across the bar with Derek.

She was just... there. After months of debating whether or not I should send her a letter with the ring mailed back or stopping by to see her, or even using Garcia's help to find where she might have been so I could 'surprise' running into her... It happened to chance that I didn't need any of that at all. Because she was really there.

And she was flirting with Derek.

I'd have been lying if I said that didn't really bother me, but truthfully I'd always felt a bit insecure around him, mostly when it came to being surrounded by women who were most likely fawning over him instead of me.

Not that I particularly wanted or even needed them to fawn over me in the first place... It was just... Telling.

And it's not like I knew or thought I wasn't at least somewhat attractive. But seeing the one and only woman who'd ever made me feel very good about all of that for probably the first time in my whole life openly flirting with my best friend? It stung. It felt like now that she'd seen me and him in the same place, she'd decide that she'd made a mistake before and that she'd be better off with someone else— someone who was stronger and more skilled and probably easier to look at.

Even when the three of us sat at a booth and Y/N decided to sit next to me, her proximity dizzying after all this time apart, the first thought that came to my mind was, She doesn't want to see me. She'd much rather sit across from Derek so she can look at him instead.

I was starting to think maybe I should have stuck to mailing her a letter...

"So... Are you gonna tell me how you two know each other?" Derek asked, leaning back and easily amused.

Y/N seemed to be amused by all of this, too, because she answered immediately, a tone in her voice that I'd only dreamed about for four months and nine days straight.

"Oh, we were engaged."

If I didn't know any better, I would have thought Derek's eyebrows were going to fly straight off his head. "Engaged? Like... Engaged?"

"I—It's not what you think," I jumped in, suddenly a little embarrassed. "Not really engaged, but... Y/N pretended to be my fiancée once... There were, um... There were these guys who wouldn't leave me alone and she came over and told them off."

I hoped he wouldn't piece it together, but it was inevitable, and the look of realization that crossed his features made me feel extra warm with embarrassment.

"Oh... Is she the reason why you actually said yes to that date last month?"

Y/N turned to me, an eyebrow raised. "A date? Because of me? I don't... I don't follow..."

I was going to explain, but Derek beat me to it.

"I've always tried to set Pretty Boy here up for a date, but he's always said no, and then out of the blue I ask him and he agrees. Which was a shock in its own. I knew something was up, something had to have given him the confidence to go on the date... And all along its been you, hasn't it?"

"Well, I... I don't know, I guess so?"

They both looked at me then, and I stared down at my hands, unwilling to look either of them in the eye. "Y—Yeah... I don't know, I guess Y/N just... helped me see something in myself I hadn't seen before."

I half expected them to think it was silly, but Y/N's hand dropped down onto my knee and I stared at it for a moment before flitting my eyes up to meet her gaze. It was soft, and a small smile grazed her pretty features.

"Oh, Spencer, I'm so glad I could do that for you... How was the date?"

"O—Oh, it... It was fine. Not... I'm not seeing her anymore, but it wasn't bad... Just, um... There wasn't much of a connection, that's all."

In simpler words, She wasn't you.

But I couldn't tell her that, not when she was staring at me again with those sparkling eyes and her hand burning a hole through my pants with her electrifying touch, and most certainly not with Derek sitting right in front of us.

"Hey, whether it worked out or not, whatever you did to get him out there, it must have been one hell of a job," he said as if he'd been reading my thoughts.

Y/N gave me a knowing look, though, and suddenly I was transported to my car, feeling her hand explore my body as she showered me with filthy words and names that set me alight and cemented something about myself that I'd never known. Since then I had dreams about her, telling me how much of a 'good little whore' I was for her, and I always woke up from those dreams clutching her ring around my finger.

"Well, like I said, I'm glad I could help. Your boy here is one in a million."

It was awkward. This was all very extremely awkward. And even though I knew that, I still couldn't bring myself to stop it. I couldn't bring myself to stop staring at Y/N, soaking her all up like she was going to leave again at any given second. I couldn't stop thinking about her, our predicament, what we did and what I discovered about myself back then...

God, I was talking like we hadn't seen each other in years. It was only four months and yet I was acting like she'd left me alone after years of being together. This was ridiculous, right?

Thankfully Derek's phone rang, snapping us all out of the bubble of silence we'd been in for what seemed like forever.

"Uh, I'm gonna... get this. Be back in a few."

I expected Y/N to drop whatever act it was she had going on with me after he left the table, but her hand remained firmly on my knee. And then she moved a little closer, turning to me completely and tilting her head with a smile that only meant mischief.

"So... Looks like we have some catching up to do..."

***

I was practically giddy when Derek excused himself for a "Garcia Emergency". Though, I was concerned until he assured us that it wasn't anything bad, and by the look on his face as he quickly talked things over With Spencer, I got the feeling he was expecting his friend to 'have some fun' tonight. And that's what truly made me giddy.

We sat close to each other again, a few drinks between us and only a few booths away from the one we sat in the first time we met. If it weren't for the rock missing from my finger, I would have been convinced we'd actually transported back to that exact moment.

"You getting Deja vu, Doctor?" I asked with a smile, watching as he swallowed.

"Y—Yeah, kinda. It's great seeing you again, I... I really didn't think I would."

I laughed. "You know where I live, and you're an FBI agent... I'm pretty sure you could have saw me again if you wanted to."

"Well... Yeah, but I didn't want to be creepy or anything..."

"Trust me... If you randomly showed up at my door, I'd be anything but creeped out. I missed you..."

Spencer looked up at me for a moment, his eyes shifting before he seemed to relax. "You... did?"

"Of course... I haven't stopped thinking about you since we met. And I hope that's not creepy," I added in a laugh.

"No, not at all," he reassured with a nervous laugh of his own. "Actually, um... I've been thinking about you a lot, too..."

"Even on your date?"

I'd only meant it as a little joke, maybe another conversation starter, but at the mention he seemed... embarrassed.

"Oh, no, that was... That wasn't really... I—I only really did it to get Derek off my back, it—"

I rested a hand on his arm and smiled gently. "Hey, it's alright... I didn't really mean anything by that, I'm just... I meant it before, I'm really glad you did it. I know you said it didn't really work out, but did you have some fun at least?"

He laughed again, but this time there was hardly any humor in it. "Well, she wasn't you..."

I smiled a bit, but immediately following his words was a wide-eyed terror and instant regret. "Oh, I didn't... I'm sorry, I—"

"So, you did think about me on your date, huh?"

He froze then, presumably at the low, seductive drawl I blanketed over my words. His mouth slightly hung open, tongue flittering behind teeth as he tried to find the right words.

I smiled at him, and then he settled on, "Yeah. I did."

"It's not very polite to think of other girls while you're on a date, you know..." I made sure to let him know I was only teasing, and that I just wanted to know what his reaction would be.

Still, he surprised me when he said, "It's not my fault you're impossible to forget..."

He flashed me a smile then, and my stomach twisted deliciously at the little dash of confidence he'd grown in the past minute.

Maybe I could bring more out of him...

"Okay, fair... But it is your fault that you didn't come find me."

"Also fair... But... You're here now..."

Spencer inched closer to me, and I smiled, taking my bottom lip gently between my teeth before leaning in, too. "How about that..."

Our lips brushed for a second, so gentle it was like being tickled by a feather, and then he spoke again, his breath hot on my mouth. "I've... dreamt about seeing you again for so long now... Kissing you..."

"Me, too," I responded, bringing a hand down to graze the inside of his thigh. "Guess it's a good thing I'm a firm believer that dreams come true."

"Yeah," is all he said before he finally took the initiative to finally kiss me.

I sighed, melting into his touch and tightening the grip I had on his leg. Meanwhile his hands rested at my forearms, fingers dancing experimentally over my skin and making me tingle in their wake. And once I parted my lips, he took his shot and gently brought his tongue out to meet mine in a collision that quite frankly made me throb.

He'd been a decent kisser before, but... It's obvious he's had a little practice since then. Not that I'd have minded either way, but damn if this newfound experience didn't give me the most sinful idea.

I felt him whine as I pulled away, and that made everything even better.

"You wanna get out of here?" I said in the cheesiest way possible. But he didn't seem to mind.

In fact, he nodded rapidly and took a quick drink of his beer before following me out of the booth and towards the door.

***

Leading Spencer up and through the doorway of my house was probably the most electrifying 'date' experience I've had... well, ever. I'd been excited to sleep with people, sure, but with Spencer I found something greater. I wasn't entirely sure what that was, yet, but it was definitely good.

He reiterated that thought nicely once the door was closed and his hands were on my face, bringing my mouth to his again while I dropped by keys and haphazardly threw my phone and wallet on the side-table next to us in favor of gripping his shirt.

Just through his kisses I could tell how much he'd longed for this moment. I know he told me, and I'd certainly understood the feeling, but when it came down to actually acting it out in the flesh, I was much more in favor of that method of communication.

I gladly accepted his wordless confessions, through every groan and gentle graze of his tongue that he offered to me. And in return I gave him sharp tugs of his shirt and hair, conveying my urgency and the need to be closer to him.

When my legs started moving, his did, too, and we reluctantly pulled apart in favor of not tripping up the hard wooden staircase on the way to my bedroom. Though, I was thankful he was in just as much of a rush as I was, because otherwise I probably would have gotten embarrassed.

And that didn't happen easily.

I fumbled for the light switch once the door shut and our mouths connected once again, and I could have sworn it was like something out of a trashy TV show. The thought almost made me laugh, but I held it in in favor of moaning when Spencer lowered his hands to my ass and squeezed, pulling us closer together. I finally hit the light switch and then flow both of my arms to wrap around his neck and draw him even closer.

He was everywhere all at once, and it fueled me. I'd come to miss physical human interaction, but I hadn't realized how badly I craved it until he was right there, taking up all of my personal space and aiding me in creating this perfect recipe of frantic, glorious electricity.

It was going to kill me, and I would have gladly let it.

I experimentally rolled my hips forward and felt him gasp into me, and it wasn't long before he started growing hard.

Good... Now I could set the plan in motion.

"Remember what you told me?" I asked breathlessly before our heads switched sides and leaned in for more kisses.

In between them, he returned, "When?"

"The first time we met..." I trailed my lips down the column of his throat as I continued. "When you said you edged yourself..."

"O—Oh... Yeah, I remember."

"Mmm," I hummed, sucking a mark into his neck for the time being. As I did it, the grip he held on my ass tightened a bit, and I laughed lightly over his skin, slowly licking my way up to his ear. "I wanna see..."

The trembling he provided under my influence was a good sign. And then another came when he whispered. "Y—You want to see... me? Touching myself?"

"Mhmm..." I planted kisses all along his jaw before pulling back to look him in the eye, making sure he knew I was serious when I told him, "But only if that's okay with you."

He didn't even take a second to think, nodding rapidly once more and giving me a flash of a smile. "It's okay."

I hummed happily, leaning forward to give him one huge kiss, long and hard, before pulling away from him completely and nodding towards the bed. "Clothes off..."

Our hands got to work as soon as the words left my mouth.

And it wasn't until my shirt was on the ground and Spencer's eyes remained glued to my chest with trembling hands that I realized, even though we'd slept together before, our clothes had never actually come off. Tonight we were completely baring ourselves to each other, and that was somehow more intimate than the idea of taking his virginity was.

I reached out and grabbed his shirt, gently assisting him in removing it, and it must have snapped him out of wherever he'd gotten trapped because he shook his head and let out a nervous laugh, averting his eyes from me and staring at the ground.

"S–Sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for," I reassured, throwing his shirt to the ground next to mine and bringing his hands to rest on my bare stomach, slowly sliding them up. "I like when you look at me..."

His eyes reached mine once again, breath hitching as I guided his hands to cup my breasts over the bra. "Well, I... I like looking at you."

I kissed him again, hoping to bring forth some familiarity to our current routine, and it worked like a charm. Our movements were slow and steady, each article of clothing joining the floor one by one until we were down to nothing but my underwear.

I led him to the bed then, breaking us apart and making him sit. Now that I was taller than him, I gripped his chin in my hand and tilted his head up to look at me.

"Lay back for me?"

He scooted further along the bed until finally he leaned back, his head resting nicely on my pillows. I climbed up after him, kneeling at his feet and bringing a hand down trace lines along the inside of his thigh. Meanwhile I looked him up and down, finally getting a decent look at his full, bare form.

"Ohh, so pretty... And I bet you're even prettier when you're touching yourself... You wanna start?"

He reached out for his dick in answer, wrapping a delicate hand around it and slowly stroking up and down as he looked up at me with the stars in his eyes. "Like this?"

"However you normally do it, baby. Just relax. Make yourself feel good..."

After a slight nod, his hand picked up a little speed. He swiped his thumb over the tip to gather some precum for lubrication, but as hot as that was, I had a better idea.

"Here, let me help," I offered with a smile, leaning down and bracing my hands on his knees. I let spit gather on the end of my tongue before allowing it to drip down and land right on the tip of his cock. The sound he let out, broken and dripping with want, sent a jolt of electricity through my blood, only amplified by how wet he sounded once he started moving his hand again.

I let my eyes roam all over, taking in every heave of his chest, the veins in his arm and hand as he worked himself, the soft fluttering of his eyes as he lost himself in the moment... At the risk of sounding absolutely cheesy, it truly was a magical sight. I felt entirely lucky that I got to see him again at all, and now like this, bare and vulnerable and exuding lust while I was left to my own devices.

All that to say, I hadn't realized I was touching myself as well, until a whimper came from my mouth, my clit gently throbbing with stimulation at the hands of... well, my hand.

Upon seeing me, Spencer let out a whine of his own, picking up speed with his hand and throwing his head back onto the pillow.

"Y/N..."

He wasn't addressing me, wasn't asking me anything at all... My name on his lips was more of a declaration, like some type of chant, a string of letters and syllables formed specifically to bring him closer to the edge he knew he'd have to resist falling from.

"You getting there, baby?"

"U—Uh huh..."

"You better hold it," I drawled lowly, bringing myself into the more strict persona I wanted to bring out tonight, given that's still something he was into. "Just like you promised."

After a few more hard strokes of his hand, Spencer leg to quickly, bringing his hand to rest on his chest as his mouth let out the most delicious whines and grunts of determination to keep it all in. Without the stimulation, I noticed his dick slightly twitching over his stomach, glistening and hard...

Fuck, if it wasn't the hottest fucking thing I'd ever experienced with my own eyes and ears...

I pulled my hand out of my underwear, too, still a little shocked that I hadn't realized before that I was doing it to myself and a little turned on at the fact that it had that big of an effect on him.

"I—I would have been able to go longer, but... But you were there, and you were... And I only ever have you in my head, not right in front of me..."

It was obvious that he was probably afraid he'd let me down somehow, and that was definitely not the case. So I leaned down and dragged my hands over his lower stomach, feeling inch of skin while my mouth came down to press featherlight kisses to the base of his dick. "Spence, that was hot as fuck... You really think of me when you do that?"

"Mhm," is all he offered, currently reveling in the way my tongue darted out to explore the lines of his cock.

"I think of you, too," I admitted, pausing to press a kiss to the underside of his tip. "When I touch myself... I think about how pretty you were the first time I called you a slut... Tell me, baby, you still like that?"

"God, Y/N, yes..."

I sucked gently on his tip now, watching as he watched me, his bottom lip occupied between his teeth and his eyes on the brink of closing.

He was getting close again. So I stopped, pulling off of him with a soft pop and smiling as I crawled up his body and planted a kiss to his cheek. My legs straddled his hips, and I got close to his ear.

"Tell me, what about this... other girl you went on a date with... Did you sleep with her?"

"Um... Y—yes..."

"I'm willing to bet she didn't make you feel half as good as I do..."

"She didn't..."

I smiled against his jaw, bringing one of my hands to stroke his hair. "Was she mean to you? Did she make you her dirty little whore?"

I could feel him let out a trembling breath as he answered, "No."

"That's right," I said softly, right before switching gears and tugging on his hair, pulling back to look in his eyes. "Because you're my dirty little whore."

His cock twitched along my ass at my words, and it made me smile. But before I could speak again, he did it first.

"I'm all yours, Y/N... No one else's..."

I couldn't help it then. His words, our position, the needy look in his eyes as he confessed this to me... All of it was enough to make me snap.

So I leaned in and kissed him, hard. My hands tangled in his hair while his flew to my waist, sliding down to play with the hem of my underwear as his tongue slipped into my mouth and against my own with ease. I swallowed each whine with the greatest pleasure, my hips involuntarily grinding down and spreading the evidence of my arousal along the fabric of my panties. I wondered then if he could feel how wet I was, how much I wanted him.

I didn't have to wonder for long though, because he slipped one of his hands around front and dipped into said fabric, finding how wet I was and groaning into my mouth at the feel of it.

"You've been dying to get another try at this pussy, haven't you?" I whispered into his mouth.

Unsurprisingly, I was met with a whine in return. "Uh huh... I missed you so much..."

I ground down into his hand, nipping at his lips a little before giving my next demand.

"Then prove it."

Rather than fingering me like I expected him to, Spencer rolled over and straddled my legs, tearing my panties down and leaving me with a smile.

"I love the confidence you've grown, baby boy... Proves how dedicated you are... to being the best little slut you can be."

"Yes, Y/N," he responded, leaning down and kissing the inside of my thigh. "I wanna be good for you... Let me show you, please..."

"Show me..."

His tongue came in contact with my pussy, and it immediately sent my head flying back into the pillows, a low whine escaping my throat. He flicked it over my clit expertly a few times before going down and licking a broad strip up the entire area. Vibrations flittered along his path through his groans, and just hearing how much he enjoyed it had me clenching the sheets for stability.

"Ohh, what a good boy," I praised, bringing one of my hands to stroke his hair back. "Who's my good little whore?"

He grumbled into me, but I tugged at his hair.

"Say it."

He pulled away briefly then, still in contact with my pussy as he breathed out, "I'm your good little whore..." And then he promptly got back to work, devouring me with a hungry precision that made me laugh.

"Needy, too, I see... So desperate for that cunt..."

"Yes, " I heard him mumble into me. He repeated it a few more times, chanting it as his tongue flicked through me and tasted every last drop of my impending orgasm.

I sat up a little and held his head to me, his tongue moving at a quicker, more relentless pace. My stomach started to twist and my legs clenched, holding Spencer firmly between my legs as my hips rolled forward and met his every movement. Moans fell sweetly off my lips with every second, getting higher and higher until I finally held myself still and let the high take over. His tongue drew out one of the sharpest orgasms I'd ever had, the fervor he delivered making me see stars for a solid twenty to thirty seconds before it finally subsided and my muscles started to relax.

"Fuck," I breathed, almost whining when he removed his mouth from me and just kneeled there, studying my form as I tried to catch my breath. "Get up here," I asked more than demanded, though it might have been hard to tell what with my head spinning.

Spencer climbed over my body and I pulled his face down into a warm, wet kiss that had me tasting myself and growing wet again at the taste. I pulled away then, looking into his eyes and playing with his hair.

"I can't believe you didn't come see me sooner... Depriving me of that pretty fucking mouth..."

He kissed me again briefly, whining into my mouth before I continued. "But no... You were busy going on dates..."

"I'm sorry, Y/N," he said, kissing my cheek softly, over and over as his lips made their way down to my neck. "I'm so sorry, I... I wanted to see you, I just..."

"I know, I know," I cooed, closing my eyes and relishing in the feel of his lips on my skin. "But tonight you're gonna make up for lost time, got it?"

"Yes... Yes, I'll do whatever you want..."

I hummed, bringing his head back up to meet his gaze, and my thumb stroked over his bottom lip. "I want you to put that pretty cock to good use and fuck me like the desperate little slut I know you are..."

I kissed him then, gasping out once he shifted his hips and entered me slowly— I knew he was going to get to it quickly, but I guess I'd underestimated his need to please me.

The sentiment had me curling with want, more of it coming when he bottomed out inside me and trembled. Really, I could feel him shaking as he started to pull out and then back in, setting a steady pace that would surely become more erratic once I started talking to him again.

"Shit..." Spencer cursed, shifting up on his arms for more leverage as he steadily drilled into me. "I m—missed this... Missed you..."

"I know, baby, I know... I missed you, too... And you know what else?"

I drifted one of my hands down in between us, spreading out my fingers so that his cock fit nicely between them as he fucked me. The added friction of my fingers had him whining out, dropping his head down so that his ear was right by my mouth.

I whispered. "So did my pussy... So you better fuck her good..."

The sudden brutal velocity in which he slammed his hips against mine felt like a strike of lightning, and the loud groan he let out against my neck was the thunder. Everything shifted then, Spencer lifting himself up and holding onto my legs as he drilled into me at full force, his body glistening with exertion and my own succumbing to his wind.

"Yeah, that's it," I cooed through a laugh of pure pride. "That's a good fucking whore... Giving me that cock like I own it..."

"Y—You... do," he stuttered through a broken whine. He was getting close again, and I knew just the thing to do the trick.

I reached my hand up to hold his neck, not applying any pressure, but just holding as I forced his eyes down to look at me. "That's right... That slutty cock is mine... Now give it to me..."

The end of my sentence was punctuated with a sharp cry out as another orgasm tore through me. I shouted Spencer's name into the abyss as He fucked me through it and started twitching inside me, signaling his end as well. And the added warmth from his cum as it coated my insides well and truly marked me as his, despite the words we'd just exchanged.

I belonged to him just as much as he did to me, and I wondered if he knew that. If he knew just how much he inhabited my every thought.

I wanted him to know that I was practically infatuated with him.

But that conversation could wait until after we were... settled down.

He was still inside me as he slumped forward, laying his head on my chest and rubbing lines into my forearm.

"You okay?" I asked gently, combing through his hair with my fingers.

"Most definitely... Just... tired."

I smiled, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "You're welcome to stay here for the night..."

He was silent for a long while, almost so long that I thought he'd actually fallen asleep. But then he said, "Right here? With you?" and my heart soared.

"Of course."

Truthfully, I'd have let him stay forever.

But when I opened my eyes the next morning, the other side of the bed was cold, and his body was nowhere to be found.

***

Dear Y/N,

I'm sorry for leaving you alone last week. I know you must be a little hurt and confused, but if you aren't, then just forget I ever said anything.

Nonetheless, I regretted leaving you behind last time without at the very least sending you a letter, so I hope this one finds you well. After all, you have shown me experiences I never could have imagined enjoying as much as I did, so I should thank you for that.

But that's not all that this letter is for.

I also want to invite you out to dinner some time. I know this might be a little unconventional, but given how we met and also how we reunited, I figured this would be a fun, romantic way to ask you out. I understand if you don't feel that way given that I've more or less abandoned you twice now, but I promise it was all for good reason.

If you'd like to talk more, about anything I've disclosed in this letter, I've attached my phone number below, otherwise I'd love to hear back from you. I know this sounds strange, but I've been dying to know what your handwriting looks like. I bet it's pretty, like you.

Once again, I am truly sorry for leaving you behind without a word, but I want a chance to make it up to you. Please say you'll reach out. Otherwise, I know where to find you if you'd rather I make some cheesy romantic comedy—esque gesture of affection that either makes you fall in love with me or hate me.

Yours, Spencer Reid

***

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floofyflowers · 3 years ago

Note

Could i request a fic or general headcannons for Edgar Valdem with a usually relaxed and polite s/o who gets super flustered and shy around him? Also i hope your having a good day! 💕 sorry if my prompt isnt too detailed

thank you and i hope you're having a good day, too <3 also i'm really sorry for the wait on this and uhm i hope you don't mind that rather than being in a relationship, reader and edgar are at a mutual pining sorta stage

edgar valden and gn!reader who is usually relaxed and polite but is flustered and shy around him

cw: none

also some things, idk if it's just me, but edgar feels a ooc in this and it's not really proofread, i'm so sorry it's 6 am rn, i've been up since 4 finishing this-

A small frown was seen on his face as the painter silently watched from afar as you talked with others. Around them you seemed so relaxed and full of poise, conversing with them easily. It was just so different from how you acted when you were near him.

He always took note of how you could hardly meet his eye, how you never maintained a conversation with him for very long, how you stuttered when you spoke, rather than with the ease he saw moments ago.

He would be lying if it didn't upset him, but it did. in all honestly, he just wanted you to feel alright and comfortable enough. And, oh, has he tried to convey that to you.

Edgar isn't that dumb, he knows that you're much shyer around him than others, yet he's tried gesturing to you that it's alright and you don't have to be nervous around me through subtle actions. Sitting next to you, yet not forcing a conversation and rather just the two of you sitting in the other's presence. He'd try to coax you out of your shell, but would get nervous when you visibly got nervous too, for fear that you might leave. He even tried to be more forward about it, outright saying that there was no need to appear so nervous around him, but nothing seemed to work.

Was he doing something wrong? Inwardly sighing, he shoved the thought from his head.

Focusing on you again, he begun to formulate a plan. Maybe he needed to be more direct and forward about his advances, and maybe the two of you needed more time together! I mean, the more time you spend together, the more comfortable you get , right? Plus, this is the perfect opportunity to get to know each other better! Yeah, this'll work! Walking over to you with resolve, the painter decided he was going to furthermore break you out of your shy shell, and nothing's going to stop him.

You, on the other hand, was acutely aware of his piercing gaze and how he was making quick strides over to you. You really did adore the painter, but, god, were you a wreck around him.

Around Edgar, you never felt more different around him. You hardly felt so uptight or nervous around most others, but with him, your hands would always get a little clammy, your face tinted red when he wish you good luck before a match. As he approached you now, you could feel yourself shy away, something you wished you didn't resort to doing so quickly.

"Y/n," he begun. God, the way he said your name- "I'd like to ask you something."

Snapping out of your own thoughts, you shyly met his pretty blue eyes and responded with a meek, "yes?"

"Let me paint you."

A moment of silence passed between the two of you as you processed what he just said. Giving a quick glance to the side, he coughed and corrected himself, saying, "Uh- I meant, 'can I paint you?'"

Unable to hold you eye contact with him, the heat rose in your face as you nodded and quietly said, "Sure."

Pleased with your response, he clasped your hand (much to your slight dismay, shock, and joy) and lead you out of the room.

"We'll head to my room to pick up my things, then set up in the garden," he said, before adding with a slight pause, "I feel as if the garden is an adequate enough place that will compliment your enrapturing aura."

Growing only more flustered from his compliment, you could only nod along with him, eyes focused down on the floor as the two of you kept walking.

"You know, Mx. Y/n, you should meet one's eyes when you speak with them."

Surprised by his sudden, yet teasing statement, you looked at him, opening your mouth to apologize before he continued, in a slightly more nonchalant way.

"You never do really meet my eyes like you do with others. Nor do you really act the same around me, either. Do tell why, if I may ask? Do you not wish to be around me? Do I-"

"No, Edgar, I do wish to be around you," you stated sheepishly. "I do want to spend time with you, talk to you, I just- I, well-"

"You just what?" he asked, his eyes intently trained on yours. You could only feel yourself grow more and more red as the two of you were stopped in the middle of a hallway, him rather close to you.

You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing seemed to come out. Your mind couldn't seem to find the right words to say, so all you could offer was a small, "I don't know."

Slightly tilting his head with an inquisitive look, he turned and continued walking, stringing you along with him. As if your answer had no impact on him, he responded.

"Hm, well, it doesn't really matter. Do know, I will get you to meet my eyes when we talk one day. I will get you to seek me out and we will talk more and spend time together and you won't have to be so shy. I will admit, you do intrigue me, but we'll leave it at that."

Letting that settle in, you realized just how hard you were falling for the artist. And little did you know that he was falling little by little for you too, but you could only listen in awe as he teasingly added one last thing.

"Just do try to look up while I paint you, alright?"

#idv x reader #identity v x reader #identity v x you #idv imagines #identity v imagines #idv painter #idv painter x reader #identity v painter #painter x reader #edgar valden x reader #idv edgar x reader #idv oneshot #identity v oneshot

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kachuusha · 4 years ago

Text

implied mutual feelings of love between levi and hanji—an analysis based on chapters 126 and 132.

note: this is a more in-depth version of what I have posted earlier.

This post is an attempt to make sense out of Levi’s nuanced dialogue in chapter 132. But before proceeding please read this tweet first to understand the context of this post: link to original tweet

Please also read this analysis done by shunkani, explaining the nuance present in the original Japanese text.

it is important that you read the posts I’ve linked above because what I am about to say here is not gonna make sense if you don’t.

Like always, note that what I am about to say is only my own interpretation of the events and should not be taken as absolute canon confirmation.

In chapter 132, Levi has a line that lost its nuance in the English translation. As explained in the linked posts above, Levi comments on Hanji’s unrequited love for titans but there is an implication that a mutual love shared with someone else.

What if that someone is Levi? When you think about it, it is not farfetched to assume that it was him considering how close he is to Hanji.

Other than that, there is an incident in the chapters prior to 132 that presents a strong case on why Levi could be referring to himself. Yes that's right—Hanji asking Levi to live with him.

Now I've seen people try to dismiss what Hanji said to Levi in the forest and insist that there is nothing possibly romantic with it and that Hanji was simply expressing their want to run away because they are tired so here is my take on it:

After tending to Levi's wounds, Hanji says,

"Maybe we should just live here together. Right Levi?"

If Isayama only intends to have Hanji express their exhaustion and desire to run away from everything, why didn't he just make Hanji say something like 《"I want to run away Levi. I am tired."》 ?

Why did it have to be Hanji expressing their want to live together with Levi? It was like Isayama tried to hit two birds with one stone. He had Hanji say their desire to run away and also to be with Levi.

Another factor in this is Hanji blushing after realizing that Levi heard what they said. Again, some fans have tried to refute this by saying that Hanji blushes all the time.

Yes Hanji blushes a lot but also consider the context of the scene. For second let us pretend tha these two characters are not Levi and Hanji—let's pretend that they are Character A and B.

Character A is with Character B, and the former thinks the the latter is asleep. Character A then takes this as a chance to voice out their feelings for Character B.

A few moments later, Character B brings up what Character A said. Character A realizes Character B heard their confession and so they blush.

I mean look at it, you could easily pretend that what happened in the forest was something that came out straight from a romance novel or a shoujo manga.

And come on are we going to pretend that the run away and live with someone to start anew isn't a common trope in romance?

Another argument I've seen is that maybe Hanji was just embarrassed that Levi heard them expressing their want to abandon their duties. This one is very easy to debunk.

Remember the beginning of Uprising Arc? Hanji shows their hesitation to Levi in continuing the titan experiments with Eren because they are afraid that the MPs might go after the SC just like what they did to Pastor Nick.

In both situations, Hanji was trying to run away and evade something and Levi was present in both situations. But did Hanji blush after showing their want to run here? No they did not.

Then what else could possibly the reason for Hanji's blush other than a hint for romantic feelings?

Next let's talk about Levi's response to Hanji.

Levi subtly implies to Hanji that he heard what they said by asking,

"If we keep...running and hiding...what will that get us...?"

Some say that this was Levi rejecting Hanji but I disgaree. To me what Levi said sounds more like a We can't run away yet if we still have things to do.

Levi also said that because he is aware of Hanji's strong sense of responsibility.

"I know you...you're not able to stay out of the action..."

He knows Hanji would't be satisfied in being a bystander.

Another thing to note here is that Hanji is the one who arrives at the conclusion that they can't.

Levi himself did not really gave a direct answer—and that is expected from someone like Levi who seems to be awkward and inexperienced in romance. It is understandable if he was caught off guard with what Hanji said and thus couldn't give a proper response.

Now getting back to chapter 132.

After seeing Hanji's exchange with Pieck, Levi says:

"...So, four eyes. yet another love for a titan gone unrequited, I see."

So like what had been explained in the posts above, Levi comments on Hanji's unrequited love for titans but implies that there is mutual love shared with someone.

With what happened in 126 in mind, who would be the most reasonable choice for that someone if not Levi? What if this was Levi's response or way of acknowledging Hanji's words back in the forest?

Just think about it. Hanji gives Levi something like a confession and then a few chapters later Levi suddenly implies that Hanji shares a mutual love with someone. The connection between the two events is not really difficult to make.

Like I said earlier, Levi not being able to form a direct answer is expected considering he seems to be the type who would be extremely awkward at love. Maybe he just needed time to sort his feelings first. Another thing to consider is they are both soldiers in duty.

Also can we talk about how Levi suddenly decided to call Hanji "four-eyes" again? It was like Levi is making an effort to go back to those days of normalcy.

An ambiguous and vague confession is also something that is so in character of Levi because of his awkwardness with words. Another is because he doesn't have to be direct with his words because Hanji and him share a deep understanding of one another.

Before anyone tries to brush this line off as nothing, I would like to point out that Isayama changed the kanji used in the dialogue in the volume release. This was pointed out in the tweet by @/kasumi_kasa as shown above.

The point I am trying to make here is that if this line is something we should just simply brush off, then why would Isayama bother making changes to it in the volume release?

The kanji in the original chapter release was 片思い but was changed into 片想い in the volume release. Both are read the same way (kataomoi) but just like what @/kasumi_kasa had explained, the kanji used in the volume release which is 想い, is indicative of a deeper form of love.

Also take note that the latter is an unusual way of writing unrequited love in Japanese.

Taking that into consideration and the implication of a mutual feeling with someone, does that mean Levi and Hanji share a deep form of love?

See the lengths Isayama is going through just for this one line? It really feels like the is trying to push something here.

Now onto Hanji's side. If by any chance we are correct that Levi was indeed confessing his feelings to Hanji, then did the latter caught what Levi was trying to say?

In my observation, it is very likely that Hanji had caught on to it because of their seemingly flustered and hesitant reply towards Levi. The hesistance is present in the pause (the three dots) before Hanji's dialogue.

"...We"ll be friendly in no time."

Another thing I would like to point out is how Hanji suddenly diverted the subject.

This is actually kind of ironic if you think about it. In 126 Hanji was the one who is seemingly confessing and Levi was the one who brought up their duties. Here in 132, it was Levi's turn to confess but Hanji was the one who brought up their duties.

My honest take on here is that it feels like Hanji was on the process of moving on and abadoning whatever feelings they had laid down in the forest so they could focus solely on their cause but then Levi suddenly drops something like this on them.

Hanji would be understandably flustered just like how Levi was in 126. Honestly in the end, both of them are just so awkward at romance.

So this is where I am gonna end this attempt at analyzing what was said in 126 and 132. I hope I was able to convey my thoughts properly. If you have made it this far then thank you.

If ever I am mistaken with my assumptions in here, it still doesn't diminish the beautiful bond that Levi and Hanji share.

#levihan #i #snk

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reginarubie · 2 years ago

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Hello! So while wait for updates on your lovely works, I've been sucked into reading a lot of jonsas where Jon has these epic or real romance with others like Val, Dany, Ygt, alys, etc. And although it doesn't last or end well Jon still had romance and normal love. While Sansa is always in the abusive or toxic relationships and I need some of your healing because my girl is hurting too much but they hurt her so good and apparently I'm a glutton for pain.

Like I'm fine with Jon having past relationship and Sansa too but dang can't she have a past relationship that was healthy and loving and ended for natural reasons like her first love didn't work because the guy want to commit too fast like get married and although she loved him she wasn't ready. The next was because they grew into different people and although the still care for each other it wasn't what it once was, the next being long distance and neither wanting to give up their dream so they ended in good terms, idk just need her to know love in different forms. ( I know there are works like this but they are too few and far between)

Also what fandom and stuff are you into/watched/read/etc. I wanna see if theirs any more mutual fandoms

Ps. So this turning into a little rant, I just didn't know how to convey the idea into a summery or like a word/sentence prompt. While leaving room for you to explore your creativity. In general I'd like a jonsa ending but like Sansa has at least one story book romance. But if you see this prompt going a different way feel free to do so, my thoughts are a mess 😅

Ciao anon!,

That was a lot and I hope I've gotten everything clear on the prompt you sent!, but before diving into the filling of the prompt let's speak a bit.

Thank you so much for having come to my writing for some much needed respite for that kind of fics. I hope to be able to fulfill the prompt and give you what your Sansa loving heart wishes for!

First things first. About the fact that Sansa seems to have always terrible past experience as opposed to Jon's is because mostly in canon Sansa's experiences are terrible (Joffrey, Tyrion, Dontos, Littlefinger, Hound even Harry is not looking very good right now) while Jon retains somewhat a bit of agency (which Sansa lacks) and even tho even with Jon we're talking of a sexual predator (Ygritte), a character whose not very much developed (save for when she wants to kill a child; Val), another that canonically tried to emotionally abuse and subside him (Daenerys) and Alys (sadly) as a stand-in for Sansa, (at least most of the stories featuring her I've read approached her that manner, but I'm up to read anything different!) at least show-wise (which plays, imo, a big part on the collective fandom inspiration for fan fiction) Jon is shown to have ‘epic’ romances (Ygritte and Daenerys —› in one the woman he ‘loves’ dies in his arms killed by someone else, in the other he is the one doing the killing to protect those he loves) even if tragic so it stands to reason they would give him so big, great past romance (even if I have to owe that they usually speak of Ygritte in a manner of ‘not fitting in’ together and her being too abrasive for him, sometimes borderline abusive) while Sansa is stuck with simply terrible experiences, save for Jon who, in the show (and sadly as far even in the book) is the only character of some magnitude that doesn't abuse her, manipulate her, etcetera.

Still, what is fan fiction for if not for giving us what we want and didn't get to see?

Secondly what stuff am I into? Lately I've not been able to watch as many series as I'd like, but I've loved Carnival Row (and if you haven't seen it you totally should, because even tho it didn't get a s2 I found it amazing and it kept me on my toes all the time, not much for the romance if for the crime and for the way it depicted society when faced with differences in within) and I've been watching on-and-off Shadow and Bone, (tho I've not read the books yet and my fav characters don't get as much screen-time as I'd like them to). But GoT/Asoiaf level? I have Chronicles of Narnia, (which I adore, more so the books than the movies, tho they were lovely as well) and ofc Lord of the Rings, as those have been, tbh, the big ones that got me it reading and theorizing when I was a teenager. I love Star Wars (even tho I'm most a fan of the movies) and Star Trek.

I am a big Harry Potter fan, tho I've found the new trilogy (even if I have still to watch the last one) too hyped up and whilst I loved Newt it didn't inspire me as much as Harry Potter did.

I loved very much Fallen Skies, tho I found the last two seasons, and especially the last completely rushed and thus ruined because of it; as well as Terranova, tho people didn't like it at all since it didn't get, as far as I know, s2.

Love the 100 tho having been a book-reader first and show watcher later tho I enjoyed some of the changes made I'll never forgive them for the end the gave my boy Bellamy Blake.

Sadly there are still many series I'd like to watch but haven't gotten around to watch because real life responsibility, tho I must admit that one of my secret pleasures in a way is asian drama. I watch a bunch of those, they are aesthetically pleasing and just sometimes so different that the media we usually consume that I am able to watch them even if only for ten minutes a day while I cook or tidy the house, because they intrigue me way too much (I totally suggest you watch some if you haven't already!).

What are the fandoms you're in?

Now, let's hop onto the fan fiction!

Prompt: Sansa and Jon do end up together anyway, but Sansa has had, just as Jon, past experiences that were not abusive or tragic.

So, this one has been inspired by Happier by Ed Sheeran, because... I don't know it just gave me the healing vibe I wanted to give this one and it's also from a POV I never explored too, hope you enjoy!

I guess you look happier [In another's arms]

He's just returned from beyond the Wall, his mission had lasted for the better portion of the last three years, the phone-call few and scarce in between. He had managed to see his brothers and his cousin but a couple of times during a couple of video-calls he managed to make. He's excited to go back home, to embrace his mother and feel his father's strong chest welcome him home, his brother's excited welcome shouts, his cousin soft, gentle smile...

... still, before he catches the next flight to the Eyrie Winged Knight Airport which will depart tomorrow morning from Tohrren's Square he has some time to kill.

He had spent the better part of his training at Castle Black, in the North, manning the Wall before his first missions beyond, going back and forth between his new home and his ex-girlfriend's home.

Red of hair and blue of eyes, with a smile so bright it could rival the sun and an heart so gentle and kind it could heal the whole of the world unrest with one touch. He sighs and enters the bar, sitting in a corner, safely away from the main crowd.

He could join a few of Nights Watch recruits he can see at another table, it's mostly new faces, but he recognizes the black clothes they wear and the way they boisterously laugh and joke with each other. That's the moment he sees him.

Jon Snow. Last time he had seen him, he had been a lanky boy, all knees and elbows, as if stretched thin, lean and swift with his movements during a spar. Intelligent. His grey eyes were always attentive and never loosing a move. He had privately thought he would made a fine watchman one day, though he could be a petty drunk and a mean, little shit when provoked. And he had a temper that could rival a wolf. He is the only one of the group of recruits he knows and he debates if making his presence known.

Ironically it had been Jon to introduce him to his now ex-girlfriend.

She had been his best-friend's sister and she had been involved in all a series of charities so when she and her sister had made the voyage to Castle Black they had stopped by to spend some time with Jon, it had been that way that he had met Sansa. That way he had met the girl he had hoped to marry.

Jon had been fiercely protective of her as well, when they had started going out he had sit him out and whilst he had never been intimidated by the boy, that time his presence had been enough to keep him still on his chair and listen quietly to the series of terrible pain Jon would inflict to him — helped by the girl's sister and siblings — if he ever broke her heart.

Sansa had, had some... displeasing experiences before. And Jon had not hidden his glee in telling him he had been the one to inflict on them the punishment for having harmed Sansa. He had been glad she had such fiercest defenders both in and out her family, for when he could not be with her.

He had never had any intention of breaking Sansa's heart. She had been his sweetheart and for a long time he had dreamed one day they could have the life. They could move back to the Vale, from where he hailed from, he would make her the mistress of his house and give her all the happiness she deserved in the world.

Fate had, had different plans. Life had, had different plans.

The age gap between them had not been insurmountable, but big enough that perhaps whilst wanting the same things idealistically, they were on different pages. Sansa had been barely eighteen and he was already twenty four. By the time of his first mission had rolled around he was feeling ready.

Sansa... not so much.

It is a testament, he guesses, to her capability of discernment that she knew when to draw back. He did not realize it until later, well after the sting of their break off had passed to realize the real fear that had filled his hopes had not been that she would say no — as she did — but that Sansa would say yes and embark on an experience that was beyond her grasp, and grew to resent him further down the line.

Instead Sansa, sensible, reasonable Sansa had not let the romance of it blind her to the real problem between the two of them. She had told him, time after time — the nearest his first mission grew — that she was scared of what the prolonged distance would do to them.

He had been much blinder. Convinced that their love would win in the end, he had failed to see that when the burn of the beginning burned out, only the embers remained and those were to be stoked often and the right way to remain alive, burning with their inner fire, instead of becoming beautiful jewels, yes, but only to sport when one felt down and in need of doing a trip down the memory-lane.

He had fought for them, the Gods knew he had.

And Sansa had too, but her past experiences had taught her something he had not been ready to face yet, below her cheerful, kind and soft character, was hidden a wounded woman, a woman who had been under the thumb of boys not even worth to kiss the ground she walked on; and that woman had learned that love is about more than being in love.

She had still told him no, and while he had not understood that at first, that had been her way to fight for them. She didn't want them to start something they were not ready to finish, something that they were not equipped to finish. He had been stubborn, and she, in her soft-spoken, gentle manner had been a bastion, impregnable and inexpugnable.

Jon had even stepped in, at one point. Told him they needed the break, explained some of the goriest details of her previous experiences that Sansa had held close to her heart because of shame.

I am not telling you because you need to fix it, she has it handled, Jon had told him sternly when he had tried to stand up and go to her, demand perhaps answers from her, demand to know why she didn't trust him enough to tell him, I'm telling you because you need to back off.

He had learned then, it had slipped past Jon's lips, that he had been the one to collect her from her ex's house when Sansa had had a panic attack during a sunday brunch and had hidden herself in her ex's sister room, barricading herself from them, the bruise on her cheek carefully covered with make-up. Jon had stormed in, punched the git in the gut — got a report for that — collected her and brought her home.

So, he had given her the break she had asked for, after all his first mission would not last longer than a few weeks and he had been confident that by the time he returned they would fix the problem between them and their love would finally take flight and soar.

It had been grounding.

They had not resolved the matter, not in the way he had hoped, but he had understood that Sansa needed more time. She was younger, he reasoned, he could be patient as long as their end goal was the same.

So he had departed for his second and third mission beyond the Wall with a girlfriend waiting him patiently back home, ready to welcome him back with a container of her own baked goods and a soft smile playing on her lips. His third mission had also been Jon's first and he had met the girl that would become his girlfriend. Ygritte.

He had been cautious of the brass woman, but she seemed to make Jon laugh, when she smiled that easy smile of her she almost reminded him of Sansa. She sported red hair, a different shade that Sansa's rich auburn, but not for that less enticing, and while she wasn't exactly beautiful her voice when she sang totally made up for it. Low and raw, intriguing. But he had doubted she and Jon would last.

Jon was much softer than Ygritte and he wanted soft in his life, he might be hard as stone on the outside, but inside he was made of molten snow. In fact they had not last past Jon's second mission, he had heard that the breakup had been explosive, that Ygritte had swore and yelled and hit. Some rumors said she had even bitten.

His and Jon's life had taken different paths then, they had not shared any more missions, though he had learned that he had found a new girlfriend, a stubborn blonde girl who lived beyond the Wall and advocated for the freedom of her people. This one, he had thought, could be a good match for Jon, she had enough of the softness he needed, but he had not thought much about it since his own relationship had started to fall apart between his hands.

I don't think we fit, Sansa had admitted at last, just before he left for the Vale — supposedly she would have to accompany him — and by then he had started to dread the same, I think we have drifted apart.

To be honest he had expected it, though he had dreaded it. Their interactions lacked the spark that had animated them in the beginning, he was starting to resent her the wait she was making him go through, fearing she might be stringing him on without any intention to actually commit. She had been growing distant and more distant each time they spoke over the phone or by video call.

Aye, he had replied feeling deflated, ignoring the way his heart was breaking in a million pieces watching the woman he had been with for four years taking a step back from them. He had caught himself more than once giving a girl an once over, had felt like a traitor even only for it, in the pit of his stomach and while he never cheated on her... he still felt like he was involved into a one-way relationship that had lost its initial spark. We've been good though, he had asked her, haven't we?

Sansa's smile in that moment was the last hit, shattering his heart in a million pieces. It was sad, resigned, but also relieved. Maybe she had been afraid he would force her to stay, and he couldn't really fault her, seen her past experiences. Still, she should've trusted him more, after all those years spent together.

Yes, she told him that smile dimmed and he had felt like he was suffocating in his own tears, she had tears in her eyes as well, you've been so good to me, it just... it didn't work out.

He had nodded, pathetically he had almost told her that if she had accepted, by the now they would be married and maybe they would've been happy.

He had refrained though.

I know you wanted more, Sansa had told him, seemingly able to read his mind.

I thought you wanted more too, had been his acid reply. Sansa's face had morphed then, she had become of marble and he had known he had pressed the wrong button.

I did, she said, I do.

Not with me, though.

She had been unable to reply to that. She hadn't need to. And he had let her go. Had walked away before he fell on his knees to plead her to give him the chance to give her the world.

Jon had sought him out after their breakup, in that moment he wouldn't even have cared if the boy would punch him. Not only he could take him, but he had the sore need to throw punches too. Instead Jon had offered him a pint.

I am sorry, he had told him, I know you are hurting now, but you weren't there and you didn't see how she hurt before she took this decision. Always defending her. No matter what. He had guessed back then, that it should be beautiful to have someone so openly, so fiercely in your corner.

I feel like she took this decision years ago, when she rejected my proposal.

Jon had not replied to that and they had lapsed into a long, stretching silence as they had consumed their pints. When they had parted ways he had almost told him, take care of her, for me, but he had realized with a start he needn't because Jon had already left and even though he followed him out, he saw him sneak inside a bakery. He needn't to ask what he was buying and for whom.

Somehow he just knew.

Being beyond the Wall for the next three years had helped. He had been able to look inside and admit that whilst he might have been ready, he hadn't been really ready. He mulls over the fact, observing Jon and his friends from above the rim of his pint. He had not spoken much with Jon since that day, save for a couple of times, and though they never broached the matter Jon would let him know, in little ways that Sansa was alright.

He wondered if now, more mature and less stubborn, if now Sansa would tell him yes. If she was alright still. He pondered if getting up and going to Jon, ask him after her.

In the end he does not have the guts to, he stands up and leaves. There is the faint scent of citrus hanging in the air that freezes him as the voice that has populated his dreams suddenly rings out “Sorry!, we're late!”

He doesn't turn. Not yet.

“You took your sweet time,” Jon comments and is his voice lighter?, is it indulgent?

“Stop being a smartmouth,” she jests “I have a surprise...ta-da!” and then there's a chorus and Arya Stark exclaims “SURPRISE!” before she chants Happy Birthday off tune, soon echoed by the others. Must be Jon's birthday, he realizes.

He turns and gets a glimpse of her after three and half long years. Her hair are still long, curling at the ends, auburn and glinting soft like copper in the bar's lights, she looks not much older than she did last time they saw each other, but there is a different manner, more mature, to the way she holds herself.

She's smiling that bright beam that opened the doors to paradise to him the first time he had stumbled into his words to ask her out to dinner.

And she's looking at Jon. He ducks out of the bar before he can linger on Jon's answering smile.

It's a few days before the stumbles into them together again. He's stationed at Castle Black, which means he has seen Jon more often than not. He has grown. He's no longer the lanky boy all knees and elbows, he has filled out while he is still lean instead of muscular, he has let his hair grow some more and he usually sports them bound in a bun and he has to wear glasses.

He's more confident too, he is almost proud, though he has had nothing to do with his maturation. Jon doesn't avoid eye-contact with him, not even when he discovers that apparently Jon and Val broke things off some two years ago and Jon has been steadily single since then...

...not even when he asks Jon about Sansa.

She's been fine. Has had a couple of brief relationships, though right now she's single and finishing her studies for her degree. His voice drips with pride when he tells him that Sansa has now launched her own charity work and often accompanies him beyond the Wall, she is a fierce advocate for the Free Folk freedom and she's been trying to get the government to listen to their shouts for independence.

They've been in those lands long before the Andals and while they recognize some northerners as kin, as most of them descend from First Men too, they wish only to live life how their own tradition demand.

There is this quality to his voice when he speaks about Sansa... He had ignored it, before, but he is pretty sure it was always there to begin with. Pride, fondness and fierceness...passion, all wrapped into one. He has always had that tone whilst speaking of her, even when he and Sansa had gone out together and he was only her brother's best friend looking out for her.

He observes Jon then. Quiet that he is, his whole demeanor scream when Sansa is concerned; and he discovers that Jon now has a pet too, it's an albino wolfhound that he has named Ghost and he has received him as a gift for his graduation by Sansa. And it's true, Sansa is often at Castle Black and accompanying Jon beyond the Wall as he has become from an active member of the squadron to a diplomatic emissary, and he can see it, in the way they smile at each other.

In the way Jon's touch linger on the small of her back, in the way Sansa burrows in Jon's embrace... he can see it in everything. In the way the easy banter between the two of them always spark that kind of look between the two of them. In the way Jon watches her go, in the way his breath dips and the shaky exhale he takes every time she's persuading him of something.

“So,” he confronts the thing one time, he has been assigned to accompany the diplomatic mission beyond the Wall and Sansa has just convinced Jon to stay the night over so that they can take part with the Free Folk of their rite during the peak of the midnight sun period “how long has this been going on?”

“I am sorry,” Jon tells him “I should've told you before” and if he had expected Jon to look bashful like the boy he remembers, he was sorely mistaken “I just didn't know the words to use”

He sighs “Maybe starting with, Waymar, mate I'm going out with your ex would be a good place to start” he says.

“Sansa's been my friend long before I was your mate,” Jon's reply is filled with sarcasm and sass “if anything it should've been, Waymar, mate, do you remember the girl I've loved for half of my life, you know the one you dated? Yeah, I'm dating her now. That would've been more appropriate” he says.

A long silence ensues.

“I'm sorry,” Jon comments “that was... rude of me” he says “I cannot demand you take responsibility for things you did not know” he adds.

“But I did know,” he admits “I—” Jon's face is a myriad of emotions all together “I mean... I suspected you might have a thing for her” he explains “still—” he sighs “why didn't you tell me, though?”

“When you asked her out she... was so happy,” he says “who was I to destroy that happiness?”

Waymar nods. He has noticed other things too, the way Sansa's smiles would shine brighter when they were toward Jon, the way before they had been reserved, whilst now they're unreserved. The way her eyes always filled with fondness when falling on him.

He doubts Sansa had been aware of the extent of her feelings for Jon, more probable than not she did not realize until later, she's too kindhearted of a woman to purposefully hurt someone knowing she loves another. He doesn't even think for her it was that kind of love before they parted ways.

He nods.

“You make her happy too,” he says and he knows that's the true, he would argue — to his own detriment — that Jon makes her happier than Waymar ever did. Jon just... gets her, in a way Waymar never managed despite their best efforts (hers to be understood, and his to understand her) “happy in a way I could not make her,” he admits.

Jon blinks and uncrosses his arms from his chest, surprised by the admission. Waymar would like to be petty, really, but the time to be petty has long passed. He is mature enough to know he and Sansa might not have worked out anyway... they should've met differently and Jon should not have been involved in the picture and perhaps they would have had a chance. Fate had different intentions, life had different intentions.

There are still million of possibilities before him. He can see that now.

“You know?,” he says “a part of me was always jealous of the way you seemed to just... get her, without any difficulty. I thought it was because you had grown together, turns out it's just because it's the two of you”

Jon doesn't say anything.

“And perhaps I could've made her happy too, or— perhaps we would have drifted apart anyway” he says “I think— I know I was in love with her, but I didn't love her...not beyond that initial moment of falling in love” he admits “but you—” he pats his shoulder “you loved her before you fell in love with her, I think that made the difference”

“Don't break her heart” he warns him.

Jon straightens his shoulders “I won't,” he promises.

They don't speak of it anymore, there is no need to. And when, later, Jon kisses Sansa on her lips and Sansa kisses him back Waymar knows for them it's over. It's endgame. They are each other's person.

Sansa's blue eyes meet his and Waymar nods to her. Her smile breaks his heart a bit more.

She still cares for him, still...not in the way he would've wanted and that's okay. And her gaze falls immediately again on Jon and the way the Free Folk children run around his legs and the way he picks them up and the picture they paint.

I never noticed, he considers, but we kind of look alike. Jon and I.

For some time he wonders if that's what has drawn Sansa to him in the first place, then he decides it's a waste of time to wonder and he just cherishes his memories with the first girl who made him fall in love.

It's years later, after he has returned home for good that he stumbles, by chance, on a paper that talk of them. Sansa has managed it. She has been the propelling force behind the new treaty signed between Kings Landing and the Free Folk and in that guise the North has also gotten independence from the rest of Westeros thanks to a referendum and Sansa has been elected to lead the North in their new independent life.

The photo shows them in Winterfell, Sansa's childhood home, with her family and Lyanna Snow — Jon's own mother — he knows they've married some odd three or four years ago, and now Sansa is holding a small child, not older than one year old, balanced on her hip as Jon is carrying on his shoulder the eldest a little girl with her mother's red hair and her father's grey eyes. The girl has Sansa's same grin.

“Is that your brother?” he turns around, startled and the girl warm and kind brown eyes fill with surprise “sorry, I didn't mean to intrude”

Waymar sets the journal aside “No,” he says “but we've served together,” he tells her.

“She looks very beautiful,” she says nodding toward Sansa “do you know her?”

“Aye,” he says “I know her,” he admits.

The girl nods “They look happy”

“They do” he concedes “he's always put her happiness before his own”

A short story of how the got together, a gossip-story really, is written beside the photo. Here, her majesty Sansa of House Stark is depicted with her husband Jon Snow. They've known each other all their lives and have been childhood friends for a long time, they fell in love whilst Sansa Stark led her charities beyond the Wall advocating for their freedom as Jon Snow served as diplomatic emissary. Waymar would like to tell them that Jon has been in love with her far longer, and he suspects Sansa too. He wants to tell them Jon punched her scumbag of an ex and collected Sansa when she was falling apart. He doesn't though. That's their own private story.

And they are happy.

The girl smiles at him “My name is Margaery,” she introduces herself. Waymar is taken aback by her smile. He smiles back.

“My name is Waymar” he replies “pleased to meet you, Margaery” so, he ends up asking her to join him at his table at the bar, when she orders he almost expects her to order lemon cakes... instead she orders a slice of apple-pie with cinnamon and Waymar breathes a little better.

A few decades later Waymar meets them again. He has been married to Margaery for almost twenty years and they've had three children in the meantime. Sansa has stepped down from politics a few years ago, and she has retired with her family in Winterfell. Her youngest, Catelyn, is into politics as well and later when she'll be elected in her mother's place no one is surprised. Jon and Sansa are still as much in love as they were that day.

In the end, Waymar considers as Sansa recounts their whole story to a gossip starved Margaery that they are happier for the way things turned out.

Fin

So, this is just a little snipped actually, because you have stoked my inspiration, so I'll be working on several others companion pieces (one for sure by Jon POV and one by Sansa's; a couple of others with previous exes of both), so stay tuned for those too!

Hope you enjoyed this even if it turned out more about Waymar and the way he felt about Sansa than about Sansa and Jon, still Sansa's got a good experience before Jon, even if that too ended thankfully not tragically and I actually think we got this subtle Jonsa that I love to write. Anyway, with the other companion pieces we'll get also more of Jon and Sansa seen by their exes perspectives, and each other's.

You can find this on ao3, in my collection of prompts (x).

As always thank you for the prompt! Hope you have a wonderful day and as always sending all my love ~G.

#anon asks #ask the hag #the hag's prompts #jonsa #jon and sansa for their exes perspective part 1 #waymar

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fallinfl0wers · 3 years ago

Text

love stories with some genshin boys i thought of while listening to my playlists

includes: aether (210 words), xiao (261 words), scaramouche (277 words) and albedo (307)

warnings (?): spoilers of ‘we will be reunited’, english is not my native language and uhh idk what else, idk really know what these are, headcanons ?? snippets ?? also not beta read and not edited.

it’s long so uhhh i’ll add a cut somewhere

anyway enjoy!! ...whatever this is i guess

Aether

Falling in love with Aether is like a fun adventure. He, being always the center of attention and the protagonist no matter where he goes, is a free spirited, kind and hardworking man.

Throughout your time travelling and being in a relationship together, you’ll find that your relationship with the Honorary Knight is one of sweet kisses under the sunlight; innocent handholding while thinking up of what to make for dinner tonight; of easily talked out arguments and finding ways to compromise; of softly pushing each other to become a better version of themselves and, most of all, of supporting and having each other’s backs no matter what.

And when Aether confronts the Abyss Princess face to face for the first time and his world comes crashing down on him, this trait of your relationship shines like no other, as you hold him in your arms after everything was over during the night, Paimon sleeping soundly next to the both of you inside your improvised campsite.

“Even though I’m not sure what -or who- I should believe anymore, I... I know I want to see this journey to the end, and I want you to be there with me for it. Let’s be together until the last moment and beyond.”

Songs:

Snow Fairy - Funkist

Snowing, be honest with yourself and smile When two people are getting closer, time overlaps Fairy, where are you going I will gather all the light and shine it on your tomorrow

Still Lonely - SEVENTEEN

This cursed popularity. Why won’t it leave me? But why am I getting lonelier The early morning chill makes me feel Even lonelier today I feel completely empty, as if I’m empty

Kanpeki Gu~ no ne - Watarirouka Hashiritai

I'm at a loss for words, with this and that, I'm totally in love with you Someday, I want do the same to you: Watch you flounder, At a loss for words right back to me!

Side by Side - The8 from SEVENTEEN

I want to hold hands with you but I don't know what to do what to do oh baby I want to give all my heart to you but You still don't know what's in my heart

Hope - Namie Amuro

At the end of this blue, wide world there's a place I want to aim at with you We chose this long ago for eternity

Xiao

Falling in love with Xiao is like living a bittersweet dream. The Vigilant Yaksha is far from human, or so he says, and thus is out of touch with the way we mortals experience feelings, both the negative and positive ones.

Your relationship with him is one of compassion, mutual understanding, appreciation and patience. So, so much patience. Of intertwined pinkies and soft stolen glances, of shy smiles and comfortable silence sometimes filled with your voice chatting time away and his short responses to your talks.

I mentioned patience. He knows you’re making an enormous effort to try and understand him and be patient with him and his slow learning process of how relationships work, so it’s only fair that he makes a true effort to understand you and your feelings.

Xiao is well aware that he could hurt you without wanting to, be it with his blunt phrasing of his thoughts or his Karmic Debt, as much as he is aware that you will eventually pass away and leave him behind to go somewhere he can’t follow, and that undeniable truth haunts him every second of every day he gets to spend with you. And still, he wishes and wants and does cherish each and every warm, kind feeling he gets every single second you’re together nonetheless.

“I might not know what to make of these new feelings you gave me. But I’ll learn. I promise I’ll learn, so please... don’t go, not yet. Let me treasure you and carve you into my memory for as long as I can.”

Songs:

Euphoria - BTS

I don't know what this emotion is Perhaps this is also the inside of a dream A dream is the blue mirage of the desert Deep inside of me, a priori I become happy to the point of being unable to breathe The surroundings, bit by bit, become clearer

Fallin’ Flower - SEVENTEEN

While flower blooms and falls, scars cure and buds shoot We are living our first and last moment So I won’t take you for granted Because you loved me as I am

Fear - SEVENTEEN

Get out my mind I can't handle it, I'm afraid of myself The truth has me tied up My heart is tainted I'm afraid it'll eventually change you too

The Truth Untold - BTS, Steve Aoki

It’s my fate Don’t smile to me Light on me Because I can’t get closer to you There’s no name you can call me

You know that I can’t Show you me Give you me I can’t show you a ruined part of myself Once again I put a mask on and go to see you But I still want you

Tiny Light - Akari Kitō

Because you colored my unchanging monochromatic days Even the blurred darkness gained meaning

Still, hidden in this heart, these feelings of preciousness so strong that they hurt I just want to convey these feelings to only you before they disappear someday

Scaramouche

Falling in love with Scaramouche is like constantly playing a game. He’s strict, demanding, disagreeable, and widely disliked by enemies and allies alike. Still, he has a heart too; and he holds desires and hopes deep inside of it, although most of them are fueled by the unchanging curiosity he has towards the world around him, curiosity to know what he can get out of whatever the world wants to throw at him.

You were no exception to that rule, at first.

When he met you he wanted to get something from you. And you knew it from the start, just as he knew that you knew. And that didn’t change anything, at first.

Your relationship with him is one of dangerously playful, yet still light-hearted games of seduction, teasing and deceit; of secret kisses exchanged in expensive private rooms in restaurants or the cozy warmth of your home, of an unspoken shared respect and, most of all, complete, mutual devotion.

You know Scaramouche is not a good man. He has done many, many unspeakable things in his life as one of the Eleven, and he knows he’s far from being the perfect charming prince you could aim for, but he will never let you go. Because behind those hardened walls of egocentrism and pride, you saw what no one else bothered to see. You saw him, not the role he was playing, you saw him and fell in love with him.

“To be honest, I don’t think I could find anyone else who understands me as much as you do. And no, I’m not saying this because I want something, give me some more credit, geez...”

Songs:

soldier game - µ’s

You'll come with me, yes? You've grown curious about my touch, yes? Then it's already love Since you're someone I must meet in battle someday, That might just be your reason It's soldier game Though we've met again, I'm soldier heart

Kowareyasuki - Guilty Kiss

Just stop it already and show your heart only to me I love your eyes that are about to cry And your defenseless, clumsy way of living too (...) The hesitation you convey makes my chest hurt Some people just don't know what such kindness is But then I discover the truth When we got together, you don't have to endure anymore Right now, show your grief only to me I like that you think too much The complete opposite of me

Shhh - SEVENTEEN

Don't think of all these as your mere illusion They're not lies that follow the moment No one can underestimate it, my feelings are an ignition 'Cause I'm always the same Me and you, we got hurt by the lies that we won't ever work But it's fate

(...)

So I can cover you from danger A consented dedication

(...)

It's as natural as breathing An everlasting dedication

Good to me - SEVENTEEN

Yeah, when you were making that sign in my heart It was a long time since my firewall broke down Pass with the password What in the world do you know about me? Are my deep feelings seen by you?

Hiraishin - Keyakizaka46

(To trust is to be betrayed, to open one’s heart is to get hurt So to avoid being struck by lightning-like sorrow…)

Which side am I picking? Ah, these values are hard to handle That’s why I won’t stop watching over you Positive positive positive You should just be yourself… I can forgive whatever absurdities you pull off I’ll support you without being noticed Even when you get nitpicked I’ll be your companion Let us now promise to live an unremarkable life hereafter What we have here is the lightning rod of love

Albedo

Falling in love with Albedo is a fairy tale-like experience for both of you. His attention had always been focused on his research, everything else fading into the background save for a few exceptions, until you came around. You, who stole all his attention by just existing.

As an alchemist, he’s naturally the curious type. He wanted to know what about it had caught his attention, what was so special about you that had him clinging to your every word and movement every time you interacted with him. Still, human relationships are hard for him, and he figured you might go away the second he started to feel burnt out from your interactions. But you didn’t. Instead, you stayed. You stayed and took interest on what he did, asked questions, gave your insight, and dragged him to sleep when he needed a break. In exchange, he did the same for you.

Your relationship with Albedo is like one of those awkwardly sweet first time crushes. Of carefully calculated movements, dates and compliments, of soft kisses on lips, hands and cheeks, of mutual support, understanding and mature compromising and commitment.

The Kreideprinz, like everyone else, has his own fears and insecurities, especially regarding his... nature, but he does his best not to let them affect the relationship he has with you. Each moment spent by your side, even when he’s not actively doing any research, is considered perfectly spent, meaningful time.

“A long time ago, I was tasked with finding out the meaning of this world. Though I have directed my efforts and resources to looking for the answer through alchemy, ever since we met I... think, I’ve found an unexpected conclusion to said issue. While it’s likely that this is not the answer expected from me, I’m positive that, at least personally, I finally have the answer.”

Songs:

Futari Saison - Keyakizaka46

In the wind blowing through the city’s streets, even though I caught whiff of something’s scent, I had no interest in looking back

In a 1m radius around me, I formed an invisible barrier to another world And yet, you took someone like me out of it

What made you do that?

Home - SEVENTEEN

What can I do? Without you I’m just an old robot, my heart stops and it’s always cold What can we do? Without me You’ll struggle just as much, so what can we do?

Baby, I want to cherish our warmth So no one can come between us

Flower - SEVENTEEN

You taught me, you showed me You’re my only reason If you can forever remember me I can get hurt, I can get hurt

My heart that’s engraved with your light Makes me stronger Give me your sharp thorns Cause you’re my flower

Oh my! - SEVENTEEN

Sorry for repeating the same thing But this is all I can try using hard words But my true feeling is this, every everything

(...)

How about you? Is it hard for you to sleep because of me too? If you keep making my heart flutter What do I do?

Naze koi wo shite konakattan darou? - Sakurazaka46

Why hadn't I fallen in love? I've been making fun of it all this time I mean everyone keeps saying 'I love you' just like cats in heat But after falling in love I realized what people live for To meet, to love, to the point of nothing but... I'm not myself, I want to find my true self.

#xiao x reader #aether x reader #scaramouche x reader #albedo x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin impact headcanon #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #first post yay #why is albedo's so long tho he's not even my favorite out of them lol #melodywritings #fluff #genshin impact x reader #melwritesgenshin

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