#i just think that the angst factor of sunshot wangxian is exquisite

[layzeal]

(original thread)

i want to analyze wwx's brain cause even though he's a romantic who's keeping his special moments for the person he loves, hes also willing to sacrifice them if someone really needs it

(ie letting himself get kissed at phoenix mountain once he realized the "maiden" was trembling)

and like. we all know the trope of lwj getting sex pollened and hating everything about it as wwx understands the situation and goes "no look it's fine, we can do it to make you feel better" because YEAH he would even if he didn't like lwj romantically

but im also thinking of a situation where wwx is the one who needs to be helped out. maybe he got sex pollened. maybe something bad happened in a battle and hes losing control of the resentment and he needs a Lot of yang evergy transfused Very Fast. he still wouldnt let lwj do it

which just makes me think now of sunshot wx just having absolutely terrible, sad, awful "sex" (dual cultivation) to try and stop wwx from being consumed by the resentment, and wwx is drowning in shame and anger while also knowing this is the quickest way to save him. meanwhile lwj is just. So so sad because he didn't want it to have been like this, so he tries to be detatched and clinical about it, but it's a sensitive operation and the wrong amount of energy could kill wwx, who is still struggling and half-mad with resentment

and all lwj can do is try to hold him down as he begs him "wei ying stay with me, you have to stay awake. please. you have to tell me when it's too much" and all wwx can think is how he's basically forcing lwj, who so often said he doesn't like touch, to do this thing for him

and it's just. sad. and awful. and wwx is crying and lwj is drowning in guilt bc he can't NOT see it as forcing himself on wy and is terrified of feeling even a sliver of pleasure and all that is happening while they both need to control the flow of spiritual energy lest wwx dies

and then when everything is done and wwx is saved, and he doesn't know if he wants to cry or apologize or say thank you and he does neither because he sees lwj reach out to clean him and he just blurts out "no, stop, it's fine you don't have to touch me anymore"

and they're both just. dealing with so much shame and guilt thinking they forced the other into something disgusting they'd never to if it weren't for those circumstances..... at least i think gratitude would not allow wwx to be so aggressive towards lwj anymore, but :(

lwj would be conflicted cause now he KNOWS how badly wwx needs help and gusu would give him the resources to help him, but he can't. ask him again now. because lwj also knows wy coming to gusu is his own want, and he can't let himself be indulged again at wei ying's expense

basically what if sunshot wangxian had terrible, awful, necessary sad sex that neither of them could enjoy and only made things worse LMAO