#i just think all the parallels in this movie are v in your face

[snickerdoodlles]

#I think a lot of my dislike of the movie might have been just differences in taste #That movie was NOT my sense of humor and I disliked how they handled some things #Like...it kinda bugged me how they went about Ballister's prosthetic limb I won't lie. #I also don't know if Nimona ''not wanting to be a monster'' yet also wanting to cause so much destruction around her worked for me #Or at least not the way it was done #Like. I'm ALL for a character that wants to hurt others because of the way they've been hurt. That's based. #But that's not...really what they did? Or at least I don't think so #Like she's not REALLY a villain but she did sincerely want Ballister to be. #She values life. But she also wants to murder people? She wants violence??? Idk. It was a weird mix #She's SO sad that child was scared of her but earlier she like. Completely fucks up another kid's game. For no reason. #God and Nimona being 1000 years old makes a lot of her actions kinda weird. She feels so 14 to me yet she's immortal afssf #Also just not that big a fan of the trope where it's revealed ''this ancient legend was actually kids the whole time!!!'' #but I know that's just my tastes #HOWEVER. I also think it made the movie weaker in certain aspects. #Prejudice is learned. So making it feel SO ingrained into the very beings of this world's people #IDK man did not hit it's mark for me #the queer allegory was legitimately very good though. loved that (op's tags)

Nimoma has good emotional payoff and animation but nothing else to really write home about TBH

It's very SPOP in that way, where the arcs and scenes are solid when viewed outside of the media in gifset or clip form but don't work as well when actually watching what they're from

For sure! I think that's a problem she-ra and toh both share with Nimona—they struggle with setup but then go ham on the payoff, which leaves everything feeling somewhat unearned.

The end of the movie bugged me in particular—Ballister's 180 with calling Nimona a monster (something he KNOWS pushes her to the brink) after one conversation with his ex-boyfriend was...I think out of place?

Normally if you have a character make a wrong choice like that you, as the audience, would be questioning the whole movie if they had ever REALLY changed. Was Ballister's loyalty truly to Nimona or to the Institute/Goldenloin? But, by that point in the movie they had really sold me on Ballister's complete acceptance of Nimona and disregard of the institute, so....why would he turn on Nimona then? I'm surprised they didn't do this plot the other way, which would instead have only made it seem like Ballister betrayed Nimona, you know? Like they did in Tangled. That way you don't undo Ballister's movie long arc with one scene, but you can still have Nimona go berserk and make her way into the heart of the city.

There were also a couple of other things that felt kinda dropped by the end. Ballister being the first commoner to become a knight? The Queen's important role in this society? This kingdom's prejudice going SO deep that not even a child would give Nimona a chance after saving their life, yet blowing up the wall changed everyone's minds in the end?

There were a lot of good pieces, but they weren't quite put together in the right ways.

[dubina-dawkins]

STRESS

~850 words

>After long missions Ben is obviously stressed. What else can you do if not help him?

warnings/notes: smut, minors dni! oral (m receiving), female reader but there aren't many real descriptions other than calling reader a "heroine", no usage of y/n, no proofread I'm gonna die, ben is being canonically really rough, but there's just a bit of his softer side i wish was there in canon so maybe ooc, supe!reader, reader is a second captain of payback (like starlight in the third season but no parallels between starlight & homelander and reader & soldier boy)

REBLOGS WILL BE APPRECIATED!

It hadn't been a hard day, not even a hard week, it had been going on for a hell of a long time. Everyone was on edge, even Tessa and Tommy were exhausted, and if all those missions, he filming of that stupid movie Legend had insisted on, could exhaust the twins, whose energy had always burned like dynamite, pun intended, then obviously no one had any energy at all.

People deal with stress in different ways. Some people try to abstract themselves from society - that's what Mindstorm did, and something in you told him that if he missed one more training session, then as soon as his coat even looms in Soldier Boy's peripheral vision, Dan would be dead.

Some were trying to forget themselves in training, and some were trying to beat the crap out of them in training. And you, as co-captain of this incorrigible team, as a supe who still had some humanity left in her, it was unbearably painful to watch Ben take it out on the others. But not at you, of course. Of course not at you, you were fucking special.

For instance, you were special when you sat between his legs in the meeting room.

No, don't think anything terrible, Ben wasn't the kind of man who would force a woman to do something like that, after all, he may have been a bastard, a misogynist and...a lot of other bad things, but he was a real man of his time - or at least he thought he was. In his opinion, it was much more manly to get a woman to fall at his feet - in this case, literally.

No, it's just that after he almost smashed Black Noir's head on the table during today's meeting, you had no doubt that he could use some stress relief.

And who, if not the second captain of the Payback, America's No. 1 heroine, on a par with the Statue of Liberty, could help him, America's greatest hero, become even a little more forgiving? The answer was obvious: no one. Did you do it out of fear, Stockholm syndrome, or because the only humanity left in you somehow cherished the bastard? It wasn't that important. Not now, anyway.

Not when his big hand was clutching your hair, painfully pulling back and literally slamming your head into his lap again and again. His cock slammed into your throat with a sharp and tremendous pressure, and somewhere through the veil of your own pleasure in the process you could hear his absolutely animalistic growl. Well, knowing that you could bring him to such a primitive state fueled so much pride in your chest that you obviously grew bolder.

You could grip his shaft lightly with your teeth, which made your hair pull back especially hard, forcing you to let go of his length from your mouth. You only laughed, and Ben only feigned annoyance.

And just a few moments after that, he's back to exhaling your name gutturally, stretching the "r" sound especially hard when he says you're his "good girl". And soon enough, Ben's grip on your curls tightens, and he's moving your head at an unsteady pace in pursuit of his pleasure alone. You suppress your gag reflexes, because to your great surprise, not only he likes it, but you as well. You were definitely a masochist.

His growls, guttural moans, and sloppy grunts mingled with your whimpers and the wet slapping of your face against his heated skin. How strange was it that you were ready to cum now without even touching your needy slit with your fingertips, just from the feel of his huge length in your mouth? It was probably very strange, but you didn't have that thought in your head, or any other, God, Ben had literally fucked the shit out of your brain, because all your sick mind was thinking about was his voice, his face, his hands, just fucking him. Thrust, thrust, another thrust--

He stops abruptly, apparently not wanting to end it like this. Soldier Boy lets go of your hair, pats your head approvingly (a rare sign of tenderness on his part!) and then takes up the locks again to lift your face off his still-hard cock, glistening in a mixture of pre-ejaculate and your saliva. He grins smugly, taking your chin with his finger. Judging by the fact that he's even allowed himself that smirk, some of his stress is already gone. But this is not enough.

"Get up, love. And sit on the table," he growls, lifting you off your lap as you almost hit your head on the edge of the table, and Ben lowers himself to you, pressing his lips dangerously close to yours in a scalding kiss. His lips taste gross, a mixture of expensive whiskey, weed, and smoke, but you grasp the taste with your whole life line. But before you can even open your mouth to his tongue, Ben soon pulls away, biting your bottom lip.

"I'm not going to end this with you so easily."

a/n: of course know this man is huge asshole and i hate him with all of my heart but your honor he's played by jensen ackles so he can be pardoned. idk what was the last time i written smut tbh

[beevean]

hecula and harkula for the ship ask game please? 👀(movies/books/series/games whatev, your choice)

:)

Book Harkula and game Hecula get the same placement:

because I may be predictable, but I am also coherent 👍

(the reason I didn't go full 100% on "makes sense" is that I leave that tiny room for ships that are peak wholesome romance. obviously. obviously these two ships are less than wholesome.)

Anyway, creepy gross old bastard playing sick mental games with his favorite pretty boy stuck in his castle goes brrrrrrrr <3

I don't know how things go in Dracula 2020 (Jonathan becomes undead I think?), but in the book the Jonathan section is a marvel of realistic horror, of genuinely scary subtle abuse where you can see how finely Dracula is working Jonathan, destroying his sense of reality and making him feel all sorts of small and vulnerable and dependent on him. While I love how Jonathan manages to run away and the way he struggles with his trauma (honestly written better than in many modern works), at first being in deep denial for the shock but then getting ready to kill God if He stands in the way of him and shanking that monster, I'm also interested in AUs where Dracula manages to turn his new crush in a twisted, unholy marriage :) doing everything in his power to replace Mina in his heart :) corrupting this fine young upstanding man :) or does he :)

And well. I don't know what else I can say about Hecula. It's just. the narrative of the golden child who feels so loved and accepted only to realize that he's losing his sense of self, his dignity, his humanity for a cruel mentor and so decides to run away :) but the lingering effects of his servitude are always there, always affecting him and his life :) and Dracula didn't turn Hector and Isaac into vampires but he did infuse them with part of himself :) and Hector thinking about Dracula as he's dying and when he's renouncing his powers :) and the hints that Dracula did in his own way care about Hector ("the more precious things are...") :) and the narrative parallels of Hector almost falling as low as Dracula :) it's So Clear to me.

And just because I feel petty :P N!Hecula:

And this is my best explanation:

(we call N!Hector "Caesar" and N!Isaac "Abraham" as an inside joke :P)

nah jokes aside, I can tell N!Hector respects and cares about N!Dracula, going so far as to be concerned about his wellbeing regarding Lisa's death. And as much as his plan to revive him is a spit in the face of decent character development, I can at least snicker that ohhh look at him, wanting his master back, that's true love <3 game Isaac would be proud <3

But since N!Dracula is so mean to him and treats him like deadweight and clearly is in a relationship with N!Isaac, it's not as interesting. When I want to indulge in simp who'd die for his lord/lord who only sees his simp as a toy, Isaacula is right there :V

[archiveofkloss]

In conversation with fellow top model Christy Turlington, Karlie Kloss opens up on how being a muse and a mother unlocked the next great chapters of her life

Those in the world of fashion can recall the moment Karlie Kloss appeared on the scene at fifteen with feline, emerald eyes, and a smize that has made her a muse to many. 

A walking phenom since her early days of dominating catwalks, campaigns, and covers, the industry has been trying to keep up with Kloss as she makes leggy strides toward her next goals with intent, grace, and the guidance of her fellow supers in the business. For Kloss, that mentor position was filled by none other than Christy Turlington. “She is such a North star for me,” Kloss explains. “For what it could mean to be a model and also use your platform [to promote] things that make a real impact in the world.”

With Kloss now in her early thirties, her activism work and outspokenness echo that of Turlington. The two have walked uncannily parallel paths: both were discovered in their early teens, made the decision to step away from the modeling world to attend college in their early twenties, and now have two kids. Additionally, both have dedicated much of their efforts to their community-driven organizations like Kloss’ Gateway Coalition, focused on reproductive care, and tech education initiatives, Kode with Klossy, and Turlington’s Every Mother Counts. Most recently, Kloss has ventured into new territory, adding another title to her impressive resume by taking on the role of CEO of Bedford Media, overseeing the soon-to-be-revived publications, i-D and LIFE magazine. It seems nothing can stop the force of nature that is Karlie Kloss.

V MAGAZINE: How did you meet? Do you remember that first interaction?

CHRISTY TURLINGTON: You want to tell it, Karlie?

KARLIE KLOSS: The first time I met Christy Turlington, it was almost like a scene out of a movie because I’ve idolized Christy long before ever meeting her, and all that she stood for in the world and the industry. I remember many years of being on shoots and feeling like I got to know you by the stories other makeup artists or hair stylists [would tell me] about the legend of Christy. No Woman, No Cry[Turlington’s 2010 documentary] came out at that time, and you were running marathons…I was always a super fan. She was shooting in the Donna Karan studio over in the West Village. Donna invited me because she knew how much I admired Christy, and I remember walking into Urban Zen where the shoot was happening. I was standing face-to-face with Christy, and I just started crying. I’ve never had that reaction ever again with anyone in the world, but I was so moved and humbled to meet her, and so I just was bawling.

V: Oh, my God! What was your reaction, Christy?

CT: No, it was so sweet! We’ve talked about it a lot since. I feel like you were 15 or 16, you were at the beginning of your career, and you sort of started at the top, so you were very much everywhere. What I remember very specifically about you and Donna’s interaction is that you reminded me of some of my peers when I was around your age, where we would be so invested in the designers and the people we worked with, that every day after the show, we’d pick up WWD. You talked to Donna in a very sophisticated way, giving her commentary on the collection that you had just worn, which was very sweet. I was touched. Donna, I’ve known since the beginning of her career, she’s also such an incredible woman and leader. And I felt in the middle of these two worlds. It was kind of like the confluence of past, present, and future.

V: Do you remember what year that was?

KK: I think that might be in 2008 or 2009. 

CT: Yeah, I think it was before I was in school. I was at Columbia, working on my public health degree, and I feel like it was before Every Mother Counts, which was the beginning of my advocacy. But I had small kids, and [embarking] on a direction of where that step was taking me, so I was in a really important transition time, I would say.

V: I’ve seen many moments where you two were together—at events, in campaigns, and on covers—and I read in the New York Times that Christy actually wrote Karlie’s recommendation letter for college.

KK: Yes, for NYU!

V: How did that even happen?

KK: This was before ChatGPT, so she really had to write it! It was so generous of Christy to do that. Even knowing that Christy Turlington— who continues, over many decades, to have an extraordinary fashion career as an iconic supermodel—also cares about her education was so important for me. When I was in my early twenties, I was really nervous about the decision, because I thought, “If I take any amount of time away from my fashion career, will it all disappear?” and Christy was such an important sounding board to prove that [I should] invest in my own education. I couldn’t have done it—and wouldn’t have done it—without Christy’s example and encouragement.

CT: After we met, within a couple of years we started to get together and meet for lunch, and just talk about things. So, when Karlie mentioned that she was interested in going back to school, of course, I was ecstatic for her. When I decided [to get my degree], I was already making a conscious choice of stepping away and slowing down the career at like 10 years in. Karlie was still very much at the height. I think you were already recognizing that you were not as excited about all the things you’d already experienced. So I was really in support of this choice and also tried to give as much of a reality check of what it would feel like, and try to reassure her that the more that she did work on herself, the more in-demand she would be. The more you continue to evolve and invest in yourself, the more people want to be a part of that and want to get closer to you to learn all the different things that you’re now interested in. I think your curiosity, your earnestness, and your seriousness have always been, I think, what stood out to me. I’ve seen it in every phase since we first met. You just continue to evolve in the most natural, thoughtful, and purposeful way.

KK: Wow! This is like a dream. I’m glad this is being recorded. I think on days when I’m having a bad day, I need to look back at this.

KP: So with the both of you going back to school at the heights of your career, Karlie, did you happen to get any pushback at all from people advising the opposite?

KK: I think we all have that little voice in our head that is our own worst enemy, and as a young woman, I doubted myself in all sorts of ways. I was worried that if I made the choice to go back to school, this fairy tale of a fashion career that had happened quite quickly [would disappear]. I just had to trust my gut and kind of ignore what anyone else says. In modeling and fashion, everything changes from one day to the next, and nothing is promised. I had to take that leap of faith and believe that even if this all went away, I had a great time. I met a lot of great people, including my icon, Christy Turlington. Continuing the relationship we have with ourselves and being confident in knowing our power, our worth, and our potential—you can’t go wrong when you lean into who you are and invest in that. At that moment, that was the right thing for me to do.

V: Now at 31, having all that modeling experience and taking those investments in your education, you’ve gone on to start all these organizations. The same goes for Christy with Every Mother Counts, which Karlie has been involved in quite a bit. You went on a trip to Haiti a few years ago. I’d love to know at what point you had the ideas for those organizations.

KK: It’s so funny, I actually had a YouTube channel at the time [where I recorded the trip], I’m going to go back after this and rewatch those videos.

CT: Yes, I forgot about that!

KK: Remember that? Oh, it’s probably so cringe, but I was such a nerd. I was so passionate and excited about being on this trip [to Haiti], it really was a turning point for me in a lot of ways. Christy was so kind to invite me on this trip with some other extraordinary women who have continued to stay in my life, including Sara Blakely, who is one of the most extraordinary, successful female entrepreneurs in this country, and has built a company that has done so much good in so many ways. I think it was such an important trip for me to physically see the work. [Because] we live in New York, it’s easy to kind of feel disconnected from these topics—you go to a charity event and you write a check. But actually going on this trip and seeing where Every Mother Counts was really changing the lives of women in Haiti in the most profound and important of ways, [especially] in that moment of when you’re most vulnerable: bringing your child into the world. I founded Kode with Klossy a year or two later. [That trip] set me on this path and helped show me what could be possible through my own natural curiosity. So after that trip, I went back to NYU and I started taking coding classes, which made me realize there are so many opportunities in the changing world that we live in, and for young women in particular— imagine the problems they could solve with this ability. It started simply like that with 21 scholarships, and next year is our 10th year.

CT: That’s big, that’s huge!

KK: It’s huge! We’ve had more than 10,000 young women and gender expansive teens in our programs over the past years. We’re going to probably have close to 4,000 scholars in our programs this summer alone. You never know the way that you can impact somebody else’s life. I don’t think Christy even probably knew inviting me on that trip would set me on my own journey in such a profound way, and I hope that our Kode with Klossy scholars have a similar experience of wanting to continue to light that spark for others.

CT: I’m a big fan of Bryan Stevenson [social justice activist], and I love the way he speaks about proximity. For me that’s really the truth. I would say through Kode with Klossy, similarly, you want to be with those kids. You want to be in the room where the lights turn on and everyone has that feeling of connectivity and you’re a part of a community. We’ve crossed paths once again in our parallel pathing and that’s through what Karlie is doing now with Gateway Coalition. I think to have younger moms and people coming from the communities that they’re trying to address continue to keep quality care and service [that considers] the full spectrum of reproductive health and rights, it’s going to be even more helpful. I think that’s one of the parallels that we share is the ability to build a community that will ultimately have a greater impact… I can see the multiplier effect happening between coding and technology and the community you’ve built, and also the commitment you’ve made to do this work at this moment. I’m even more excited to see it from this angle because that’s where we intersect more directly than we have in the last few years.

KK: Thank you, Christy. That means a lot. Even in this country, with the lack of access to basic resources and healthcare, I really continue to learn from Christy in so many ways. After I just had my first [child] and came back home, Christy and Grace [Burns], her oldest, came over and met my little guy, and it was just so crazy. Having the entry into motherhood, and having your first child, no matter the resources you have or where you live in this world, it is a profoundly life changing experience, and you have to have your community and village around you. I feel very lucky that Christy and Grace are now in my village.

V: I love that. You know, we actually recently photographed Grace for our V GIRLSseries.

CT: Yeah, that’s right. She loved that! In LA, right?

KP: Yes, that was it. We first saw Grace on TikTok, and I found out that she recently shot a campaign, too, for Tamara Mellon.

CT: Yeah, she’s doing a lot of shooting, and she’s shooting friends right now in Spain. I sort of marvel at Karlie, and how much she’s able to take on. Seeing her do all the things, it appears effortless, but I know it’s not. Then, with my daughter who’s 21 in October, it’s like really another full circle. She’s in class full time, she’s publishing books of poetry, shooting campaigns, and being shot in campaigns, I’m like, “Of course, you can do that because Karlie is your [role model].” So it’s a very direct correlation in the way that we’re all continuing to inspire and care for and support one another.

KK: Yes, I’m in that phase where my three-year-old at three in the morning last night was all of a sudden in my bed and I didn’t sleep, and I’m like, “Okay, this is my life.” 

CT: Aw! And the thing is, it doesn’t end, you know? Everyone had a mother in order to come into the world, and no matter what age or where you are, and what station you are in your life, your mother continues to worry, care, and be there ready for the call, just always there for you. I think that’s the part that’s so relatable, regardless of one’s decision to have a child or not have a child, which is why it’s so important to support that regardless. You see how important that is for the folks who don’t have it, and folks that do, and the difference that creates in terms of an opportunity for success and for people to thrive in their lives.

V: What are some of the ways you both see the results of all of your efforts through the mothers and the women that you’re helping directly?

CT: I get to hear a lot from mothers. We support mostly providers, from community-based folks that are community health workers, doulas or midwives, and also physicians. When I see people who are working at the community level—which is where we mostly are invested—they’re the people at the front lines. They’re the people who are not turning folks away, especially now that things are harder and more precarious, dangerous, and potentially riskier. They’re still there, and they are not going anywhere. Those are the people that give me the most motivation. I feel like our purpose really is to try to uplift them and give them the support and care that they need to continue to meet their communities where they are. 

KK: That’s why unrestricted funding matters. Because I’ve also run a nonprofit with Kode with Klossy, and I know when you put that trust in the leader of that community who is providing that care, they’re going to do what they can to allocate these funds in the most high-impact ways. With Kode with Klossy, there are more than 10,000 young people who are now in the world’s workforce, and they’re not just young teenage women with dreams, they’re actually pursuing their passions. It’s really for me what always has been most important: self-realization more so than like a technical skill set. Of our alumni in college, more than 70% of them go on to major or minor in computer science, which is crazy to me. That to me is such an indicator that Kode with Klossy really reaches them in a moment where they’re deciding what doors the world could open for them. Especially now with every industry being impacted and needing to evolve, this basic technical literacy is crucial. To see how that plays out in their lives, and also how they bring that back to the community of Kode with Klossy—they come back and help teach in our camps, and they go on to build apps and projects that are impacting their communities, and solving problems that reach many people that are far beyond even just Kode with Klossy.  So it’s pretty awesome. 

CT: I was just thinking about Haiti because I hadn’t thought about it in so long–you don’t have any photos from that trip, do you?

KK: I do! I’m gonna find those.

CT: If you do, that would be fun to revisit, because we have so many photos from events and things that aren’t that exciting and we’ve only shot professionally together, really, once.

V: Yup, it was your Cole Haan campaign.

CT: It was a while ago. Then we did Edward [Enninful’s] last cover [for British Vogue]. Otherwise, most of our life has been doing other things. But we’re connected through it and it’s really lovely. I love our story, Karlie.

KK: I love our story. Well, maybe we need to do a V shoot together.

V: Let’s please do it!

CT: Next Mother’s Day!

KK: Exactly!

[sharktofu]

Get To Know Me Tag

Thank you for the tag @troubled-mind! It's sweet of you <3

Do you make your bed?

No. Well, only if I know I have guests coming.

What's your favorite number?

13 (i'm ~edgy~ like this)

What is your job?

Hmm... Short version: psycholgist/ office worker (long version is there's probably nothing that i haven't done at my job)

If you could go back to school, would you?

No. Uni wasn't bad, but i was very frustrated how everything was textbook-based and lack 'human'.

Can you parallel park?

Fuck no. I'm waiting for the car thats gonna move its wheels to parallel park to come out.

A job you had that would surprise people?

It's only surprisng if you know me because i don't like kids. And I was a babysitter. a very good one at that!

Do you think aliens are real?

Yes. The idea we're the only 'intelligent' lifeform in a vast universe is just stupid.

Can you drive a manual car?

I have only driven a manual car. The idea of automatic makes me sweat.

What's your guilty pleasure?

I think watching BL dramas? But im trying my best to not really feel guilty about it.

Tattoos?

Two! I have one each under my wrists. Am thinking about getting a lil tonberry tattoo to match the resident evil 'danger' line ✌

Favorite color?

Forest green? I'm bad at naming colors, but the kind dark green that feels like moss.

Favorite type of music?

Everything that fits The Vibe ™ - what vibe? who knows. I know i don't like violins and cellos, because they make my ears tingle and not in a good way. But i am very fond of rock.

Do you like puzzles?

The one that you put together and they make pictures? No. I don't have attention for them. But like riddles and stuff? Sure. I'm just v stupid xD

Any phobias?

I always feel uncertain talking about phobias online (bc i dont trust ppl) but i do have one. Fear of snakes. Cannot tell you its name bc everytime i googled it, it showed me snake. Not recommend.

Favorite childhood sport?

Basketball! I'm too short for it but it was always fun bc i was very quick on the court and most players didnt notice me until i was on the opposite side.

Do you talk to yourself?

All the time. if i let out the thoughts in my heads, then i can actively ignore them while im speaking them, so im never left alone with them ✌

What movies do you adore?

Hm. I like horror movies that use the horror elements as a way to express and overcome trauma? But not in a 'in your face' way. The one that you didnt even know it was about loss or grief or trauma until much later.

Coffee or tea?

Give me coffee or i'll die. i adore it. According to my coworkers i drink too much coffee, but who would listen to them.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

I wanted to be a writer. Still kind of want to but I also am? Because I do count fanfiction.

Softly tagging: @bxdcubes, @astrecora, @sunflowervc, @pixiealtaira, @dark-elf-writes, @princessravenna and mentally hard tagging anyone who would like to do that (because im very bad at talking to people 👉👈)

[snickerdoodlles]

nimona fix-it that i'm not writing. may properly clean this up when i have more brain space

(tags originally from this post)

this has been sitting in my drafts for. months. as i tried to gather my thoughts beyond a big hearty Yeah.jpeg #honestly? what would've made the movie work a lot more for me? #is if during nimona's freak out over the kid being scared of her/calling herself a monster #ballister had turned to her and gone ''uh. aren't you?'' #because i think it wouldve helped them better tie several themes in the movie: first that nimona does not actually want to be destructive. #that's very much her lashing out in a ''you call me the monster? well ill BE your monster'' #but it comes from a place of emotional pain so directly facing with the consequences of it understandably sets her on a spiral #second is ballister's own spiral of going ''burn me? fine i burn YOU'' and parallel him hitting a similar spiral nimona had for contrast #third. i dont think ballister's prejudice should have been prompted externally. #the movie like. doesnt actually want to/doesnt trust itself to deal with its characters actually being prejudiced #which is why ballister's turning away from nimona had to be prompted by the director through his ex #to give him an easier rejection of it and reconciliation with nimona (to give ALL of them an easier rejection/reconciliation of their #prejudice with the exception of the director. who just dies.) #if ballister had called nimona a monster in that moment i think it wouldve helped illustrate a few things better: that societal prejudice is #ingrained deeper than most people realize. ballister would have fully accepted nimona as a monster but not recognized that he shouldnt be #thinking of her AS a monster in the first place. theres still something inside him that he needs to finish unpacking and heal. #i think it also would have shown better how people who are victims of prejudice can still perpetuate it. making it so that ballister had to #be externally manipulated to enact that against nimona undermines the message of harm by societal prejudice that the movie tried to send #also i just think switching up that betrayal wouldve made for a smoother sequence of events in movie. ballister calls out nimonas destruction #and reveals he still has ingrained prejudice. nimona runs and ballister can even still run into his ex again afterwards. and if they want #to keep nimona's backstory the ex revealing that to ballister could instead be how ballister realized how wrong he was in the first place #itd give context to realize the extent to which he hurt nimona with his thoughtlessness and work better to prompt him running out to #reconnect with her. and fix that 'change the narrative' line because as is its like???? kinda hanging in the breeze as is oof #ANWYAYS tl;dr--nimona falls apart for me because the movie wants to tackle heavy topics but doesnt want any of its characters to act out in #any truly problematic ways. so ALL the bad as to fall on one specific villain (whose so much of a prop she only gets a title and not a name) #that they can just kill at the end and absolve the entire town of their 'sin' (prejudice). its v much the christian theme of the#sacrificial goat+scapegoat actually. the director stops representing prejudice and is just there to give everything a clean resolution #it has a lot of the pieces but its too…timid to really dig into and address them. this prejudice isnt the only one but my tags are SO LONg #nimona

[rata-novus]

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༄₊ ⊹🎃✧˖°. ☾ october/horror 2024 watches ☽ ༄˖°.🍂.ೃ࿔*:･

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

🎃 Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi (10/7-x) overall, not what i expected, but not bad. only got thru half the series in spooky month, will finish eventually.

ep1 (10/7): kinda slow, but not boring. the final shot of the woman in the doorway gave me goosebumps.

ep2 (10/10): first third/half SUPER effective for me, esp the whole part where ichikawa's flashlight would turn off at the same point in the room. creepy. but then the last part was genuinely ?????? super intriguing but idk really what happened? the metaphysical/scifi aspects weren't ~scary~ to me but i keep thinking abt the episode so

ep3 (10/10): monster horror isnt my thing so eh, but the revelation at the end that those 2 characters are slowly turning into kappa like its an infection was neat.

ep4 (10/11): favorite so far, loved the spatial/time manipulation. but the scene of them time traveling. lol. lmao even.

ep5 (10/11): really liking how each episode is its own thing but clearly pointing to something bigger connecting everything. real curious abt what kudo "sees" since his coma incident.

ep6 - 10: DNF. didn't grip me compared to other stuff i wanted to watch, will finish at my own pace eventually.

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🎃 milk and serial (10/12) liked. flew by, didn't feel like an hour+. mc was super creepy & unhinged. acting felt real & natural. liked the twists. i think naomi & link finding milk's box w/ address to his torture shack was by his design. sequel maybe?

🎃 the void (10/12) liked. FANTASTIC practical effects, wowzers. kinda okay story, more aesthetics than plot but w/e. BIG silent hill vibes though a cult facilitating a "god" to be born, resurrection/reincarnation, physical manifestations of guilt and grief, etc. but like.... spacey/cosmic horror. v different from most mid-2010s or even modern day horror and i appreciate that.

🎃 the empty man (10/13) idk. intriguing but i really dont get the whole part about the people committing suicide. i feel like this is one of those movies i need to deep dive ppls meta analysis to really ~get it~. bc i don't really. honestly my favorite part was the very beginning w the freaky skeleton. what is he transmitting............

🎃 noroi: the curse (10/13) eh. kinda slow. unclear on certain plot points: what was the significance of kana being psychic and drawing that symbol/face/mask? what's up with the boy - another medium? hori was v distracting and borderline exploitative. liked how the seemingly disjointed segments started to connect together, but unfortunately didnt go all the way (see ? above) and too much unresolved. seen better japanese horror and found footage horror tbh sorry

🎃 late night with the devil (10/14) first off -1000000 for using genAI fuck that. second, god the beginning was as boring & cringey as a real late night talk show. which like, yeah ofc but also. i dont want to watch that so no ty. but lilly's appearance at the end was v cool, split head, coursing electrical energy. really liked that a lot. overall better than i thought it was gonna be, but just to the side of okay.

🎃 lake mungo (10/19) quite sad. being haunted by your future death reminds me of nell from haunting of hill house. alice meeting with the psychic and seeing from the perspective of her ghost in the future, paralleled with her mother in the future doing the same and not sensing alice anymore.... big sad. :( some of the spooky stuff did get to me. the recording of alice seeing her future dead body and the reveal that the neighbor was lurking in the house in one of the recordings especially. wtf grossssssss. overall more sad than scary, but i liked it. more effective for me than i thought it would be after reading reddit posts hating it. i feel like i need to be a defender of it now lmao

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🎃 midnight mass overall: forgive me father for i have sinned 🫦 -- dunno if it unseats hill house as my favorite flanagan show but damn it was fantastic.

ep1 (10/19): interesting. if i didnt already know it was abt vampires id be scratching my head rn. the final shot of the cats on the beach was laughable, and thats coming from a sensitive bitch who cant stand animal deaths in horor & frequently uses doesthedogdie lmao ....... rahul kohli can absolutely get it tho

ep2 (10/20): ok first off that whole bit about "pregnant people" was weird af and completely unnecessary. coulda just normalized inclusive language but instead we gotta draw attention to "umm actually ☝️🤓 its usually pregnant women". w/e. -- i think the cats were killed as sustenance (neck wounds), but idk abt the dog being poisoned? the vamp(s) just trying to get rid of the animals on the island so they dont act odd/pick up on the vamps? or smth specifically targeting that one guy, by the nun lady? hmm. -- was the (i presume) vamp stalking the pregnant lady from her house to the clinic bc it could sense her breakthru bleeding??? uew. -- the mimic of the voice near the end was a banger omg so creepy, and i love the reflective eyes v v v good. -- re leeza walking, something in the wine???

ep3 (10/20): is monsignor pruitt this new father paul????? fountain of youth ayoooo. but is he the vampire? nah hes the renfield aint he. what was with the trunk of dirt? ohhh ancestral soil ofc -- theory: the sheriff is gonna be the one to cotton on to smth being wrong bc he doesnt go to the church/drink the wine -- the scene between leeza & joe was so powerful, wow..... -- was father paul poisoned like the dog? kinda bummed if hes dead for good i thought for sure he was gonna be one of the (the only?) antagonists nvm lol, immortal? -- also comparing a vampire to an angel, esp in this context, is sick as hell, love that -- honestly getting big salems lot vibes which i do NOT hate at all tbh, also a bit of exorcist thrown in with the middle east and ruins and smth ~evil~ there

ep4 (10/21): ohhh is monsignor turning into a vampire? sun sensitivity.... -- noooo poor joe :( -- what is up with erin's "miscarriage"/never having been pregnant and her blood reacting to the sun when afair she never drank the wine? -- and riley too damn........

ep5 (10/21): oh hey well guess thats where the title comes from lol -- not, like, super duper crazy with the loooooong chunks of monologue tbh. sometimes it hits like with riley & monsignors back and forth over guilt but other times ehhhh -- speaking of, anyone else down bad for the priest or just me? ok nvm -- so far it seems the og vamp only ate from the stray cats, bowl (bill) and riley so far (maybe the mayor & wife but unclear), and it seems like its been a couple weeks since it arrived so the hunger must not be THAT insatiable, for like 99% of the town population to remain (relatively) unharmed? like, if everyone or even just MOST of them are turned, who they gonna eat? -- on the one hand riley being greeted in death by the uninjured form of the girl he killed in a car crash is beautiful. oh the other hand subjecting the love of your life to watching you burn to fucking death and now shes gonna row back to land with ur smoldering corpse is like. supremely fucked up riley. like i get that erin has to ~see to believe~ but what the hell man. the credits rolling and listening to her screams..... D:

ep6 (10/31): so it's not just the consumption of a vampires blood that makes one a vampire, but death as a catalyst for resurrection. holy shit i love that, flanagan you mad man. -- oh shiiiiit mildred shooting former lover priest in the head damn bitch okay -- bev you pussy ass bitch wont even drink the poison smh my head

ep7 (10/31): "it never felt like a sin, you never felt like a sin and our daughter was never a sin" aoughhhh this got me cryin -- was really rooting for the sheriff to make it out alive :( -- never been religious and have 0 religious trauma but god damn this show got me good, weeping all thru the end

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🎃 rosemary's baby (10/22) regrettably by roman polanski, but 🏴‍☠️ so eh. overall i really liked it. i had seen bits and pieces and i feel this is one of those medias that you kind of know through osmosis, but it was still an enjoyable watch, if not disturbing at times. tho minnis voice and mannerisms reminds me of vic's nana from very important people lmaoooo i cant unsee/hear it

🎃 event horizon (10/22) so far INCREDIBLE visuals, giving big hellraiser vibes with the disfigured/cut up bodies & the elaborate incomprehensible yet decorative engine brings to mind a mix of the lament configuration and biblically accurate angels. incredible. -- why only trauma hallucinations from a few of the crew? the rest were just peachy keen? not a smidge of trauma? bummer tbh -- hot damn the gore visuals are blink and u miss it but sick as hell -- but what happened with justin? rescue crew said he was alive but like.... mentally???? -- pacing felt just a titch off, like shtf so close to the end i feel like the descent could have been smoother, but otherwise i really loved this one

🎃 the exorcist (book) (10/1 - 10/23) liked WAY more than i thought i would. gonna be 4 stars for reference. 2 things i disliked: chris' internal monologues were annoying and shes more than a bit of a yuppie (the point i guess), AND the fact that psychokinesis is just a FACT in this world (ie possession can't be concluded by moving objects / mind reading bc those are observable in clinical settings in ppl with mental issues) bothered me so much!!! like..... if a DEMON can read your mind, move objects, as established w regan, you can't just chalk it up to NO WAY being possession. wtf???? anyway, everything else was great. really liked the reveals (regan's paint found at the church desecration, regan speaking backwards & mentioning merrin before he's even seen on page). the foreshadowing of karras' demise. very disturbing scenes iykyk, and even the detective parts were fun in the end. dunno if i'll read the sequel (legion) but i've heard the show is v good? 👀

🎃 hell house llc (10/25) 1 (10/25): love, it's a classic at this point, most of the scares dont get to me but surprisingly a few still do, solid ending 2 (10/25): kind of worse acting than the first but still liked, enjoy where the overarching plot is going re drawing people to the house 3 (10/25): definitely upped the production value, the scene of the actress in the basement with the clown is top tier but otherwise it was okay. first is still the best tbh, feels like they explained too much and im more of a fan of ambiguity. since the first 3 films take place in the same building, there's a weird feeling of familiarity & coziness lmao, i could see this series being a comfort rewatch fr origins (10/26): margot was definitely at the fair where tully/cult was kidnapping ppl for the abaddon hotel sacrifices, huh. -- did NO ONE think to check rebecca's cam w/ the body on the bed???? like they've seen other proof of the supernatural but cmon -- ohh that whole scene of rebecca screensharing w her boss and the pictures leading right up to her bedroom door grossssssss bleghhhh i love it -- overall liked this one a lot. still confused abt some stuff (where was the dad's body? why was patrick's arm better? his place in the cult, are the souls (patricks?) bound to the clown costumes etc), but super effective horror for me. sometimes i dont need all the qs answered u know?

🎃 the outwaters (10/26) ppl on reddit said they hated this as much as skinamarink & both are deathly boring but i LOVED skinamarink so lets gooooo -- 38 minutes in. is like...... no one going to aknowledge these sounds???? -- i get the bugs being creepy but are these donkeys supposed to be ominous? bc they just look like sweet cute babies 2 me -- these are the WORST flashlights in the entire world my GOD. -- suddenly, screaming flesh snakes. sure why not -- ooohh space time fuckery? is robbie the axe man? -- i literally cannot see what's happen 90% of the time, its like trying to watch a movie through a pinprick. like near the end he could have been pointing a flashlight at a bbq beef brisket for all i could tell. certainly a choice meant to invoke the claustrophobia and isolation and confusion of the pov, but missed the mark. by a lot. -- theres some neat ideas in here (time travel/time loop where robbie is the one killed and also the killer, with cosmic horror to boot), if i could see anything. loved skinamarink, super effective for me and though it was grainy at least you could SEE, this was. eh. i will say the sound design was great. would have loved to see literally any part of the entity near the end that's making it! the end itself was actually good imo, grotesque but better than seeing a 90% black screen tbh. potential.

🎃 lovely, dark, and deep (10/29) very interesting visuals, kinda cosmic horror in the woods. reminiscent of the "stairs in the woods" and "search and rescue" nosleep stories. also big PT vibes, especially in the scenes in the house, very cyclical/loop in nature but different traumatic events each go thru. love a horror movie that doesnt hold your and and leaves the interpretation up to the viewer. backrooms-esque liminal space? purgatory? mc processing her grief and trauma? dream sequence? hell? are the woods just real fucked up in this natl park? yes. (unfortunately?) it was kinda explained at the end, but i still really liked it. i dunno now the mc could keep working as a ranger, knowing that they just.... let this shit happen. and to perpetuate it....... i do wonder abt the ranger in the beginning, making the choice to get taken. what was his story?

🎃 a house at the bottom of a lake (10/29 - 10/31) 4.5 stars. idk what exactly happened, but i really loved it. great atmosphere (dark, under water, claustrophobic - frankly do not understand people who say this isnt horror lmao), easy to read in a day, perfect for halloween (when I read it). i interpret the ending as james and amelia still being under the obsession of the house, possibly still underwater. like the past 12-or-so days was a "test" of some sort. what finding the house in the real world means, i dont know, but i'm all for horror not holding my hand and it just being about ~the vibes~ which this one nailed for me. the scenes where the flashlights go off? and then house lights turn on? chilled. incredible what you can enjoy when u dont have a hater yappin in ur ear that it sucks <3 

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[ * = re ]

(series) • alien (alien*, aliens*, alien 3*, resurrection*, prometheus, covenant, romulus) • hell house llc (1*, 2, 3, origins) • midnight mass

(films) • nightmare on elm street • the thing* • the outwaters • noroi • the void • event horizon • rosemary's baby • lovely, dark, and deep

(youtube) • backrooms (kane pixels)* • gemini home entertainment*

(books) • the exorcist • uzumaki*

(next year, or b4 next halloween) • smile 2 • the substance • in a violent nature • horror in the high desert • leaving dc

[daayni]

a bulbul is the hindi term for a type of songbird, specifically the nightingale that -- as the name suggests -- sings at night. that ties directly as a parallel to bulbbul, who walks the woods at night, and hums as she gets closer and closer to her victim.

[dre6ming]

The delicate beginning rush

Chapter V ~ Torn

Masterlist

Chapter IV ~ decode

Chapter VI ~ my darling

Instagram photo dump masterlist

To be added to the tag click here

Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/actress fem reader

Warning: age gap, fluff, cursing, angst … that’s all

Word count: ~7030

Plot: after a perfect day with Austin that arises many questions not only within the public, but within yourself, you feel torn. Torn between two people, as your heart seems to be more malleable than expected

Disclaimer: everything I write is fake and should be read as such. <except for the songs I reference>

"(Y/n)..." I groan in my sleep cuddling my face further into the pillow. "Wake up, we fell asleep." A hand smooths down my back, shaking me awake. As my brain finally catches up to what's happening, my eyes fly open and I jerk up. We fell asleep, we, me and Austin. Austin and me. Alone. "Easy." He's voice is soft, calm. The room is dark, meaning we've been sleeping for a few hours now, since it was daylight when we got here. I can see the sparkle of his blue eyes in the moonlight coming through the huge windows, barley being able to make out his features in the dim light. "I'm sorry" Austin smiles shaking his head, causing my body to relax a bit, but I'm still on high alert.

Looking around for my phone , I get it out of my purse, that was laying on the ground. Quickly opening the home app and turning on the lights, causing the both of us to squint our eyes in an attempt to get used to the bright room. Austin looks heavenly, with his eyes still a bit sleepy and hair disheveled. "I'm sorry." I say again, looking at my lap and fiddling with my fingers, picking at the skin there, a bad habit of mine.

He takes my hands in his, stopping my assault on my poor fingers and forcing me to look at him. "Hey, it's ok, as long as you feel better, all's good" I nod sighing at the memory of what brought us here. "I should've just taken the stupid picture with him." I say, thinking I could've easily done that and spared myself a lot of trouble. "No, you shouldn't have, people need to understand boundaries, you were nice and offered to sign something instead, he was the dick. Excuse my language." I giggle at the fact that he just excused himself for cursing. "It's ok. Yeah I guess you're right, but still." Shrugging my shoulders, I move my eyes from his face to my lap, where our hands are intertwined.

"No, stop that, it wasn't your fault and he should've been more respectful. What a perv, that's not the way you talk to a girl, to anyone for that matter." Austin is visibly still annoyed by the dude's behavior and that somehow gets my heart to pick up, beating faster in my chest. I don't know why, but seeing him care like this, just make me feel a certain type of way. Cared for? Protected? Maybe, I guess. Ugh I try to keep my mind straight and find parallels between him and Timmy, forcing myself to draw a line between friends and something more, because I know it's all in my head. I know he couldn't possibly find me attractive and even if he did, there's still so many reasons why this is wrong.

"He wasn't lying tho. About the pictures. They were for the movie. Um ... in the book, Amelia is challenged by this group of girls to take pictures of herself in lingerie and post them online. I agreed to them back then, but I'm starting to regret it now. People are sick in the head." He listens to me talk as his warm callused fingers draw circles over my hands. "Doesn't matter the context of the photos. Dude was way out of line." Austin assures me. I know that, I do. When I first took the pictures, that was the first time I saw myself a sensual person, the pictures looked good, nothing too exposing and I was beautiful in them. It's awful that the dirty mind of others had to tint that for me. The photos never bothered me, it was other people seeing them, that got me stressing out.

I look over at the clock on the wall, seeing it's 8:40 pm, late, but not too late. "Um do you want dinner or something? Or if you want to go I can call my driver to come take you back to your hotel." Was asking him to stay for dinner again, too much? Am I being inappropriate? Ugh I wish this was easier, but it's not. I don't even want to think about all the gossip that's probably going around. I'm sure if I opened my instagram right now, I'd be bombarded with pictures and comments. "Sure, if it's ok with you, I can stay for dinner." Austin answers, leaving me completely clueless about what this thing between us is supposed to be and when too much is too much.

"Ok, we can order something, what do you want?" I ask as I take my hands out of his and fight the urge to wince at the cold air hitting my skin once out of his flaming hot hands. "I'm fine with whatever, maybe we can do pizza? Or if you don't feel like ordering what would you say to some grilled cheese sandwiches?" He suggests.

"Damn I think I'd kill for one right now, Timmy makes the best" Austin giggles at me, brushing his hair back with his hands. As I move around on the couch, I notice his jacket still hanging over me like a blanket. "Well then I'll take that as a challenge. Can I?" He asks pointing in the direction of the kitchen and I nod biting my lip to stop the cheeky smile making it's way onto my face. I swear I'm acting so strange around him, almost like all the filters I usually put up in order to seem a bit more tame are just crumbling with him. And don't take this like I'm usually faking how I act or shit, but usually when I meet new people I'm more reserved and anxious, shy even, but there has almost been none of that with him. It's like we've known each other for a life time now, old friends.

Austin gets up from the couch and I do the same, taking my phone and following him into the kitchen, where he starts looking through the fridge, taking out everything he needs. I go over to the cabinet where I keep the cat food and fill their bowls, the two little angles coming to feast. "Good boys" I praise them petting their soft fur, feeling the vibrations of their purring.

Sitting down at the kitchen island, I watch as Austin moves gracefully around the place, preparing the food. He looks so in his element, it's clear that his passionate about cooking. Opening my phone I can't fight the urge to go on instagram, immediately seeing the thousands of posts about me and Austin. Pictures of me and him walking, laughing and eating. We look so good together. 'Oh my god, stop that' I scold myself, rolling my eyes at how delusional I can be. I also make the mistake to look at the comments. 90% of them are calling him a cheater and me shameless, for going after another girls boyfriend. That's actually the first time in a long while that I think of Kaia. My hands start sweating profusely and I swallow trying to make the sudden tightness in my throat go away.

"Everything ok?" Austin asks taking me out of my thoughts. I clear my throat and lick my lips, avoiding the way his eyes linger over them. "Austin does Kaia know that you're here?" I don't know how her knowing would change much, I guess in the end it would ease my mind a bit. And all that matters is that us three know the truth, that nothing is going on, the rest, can and will be ignored. He looks at me with a puzzled look, like he doesn't see my question relevant. "Yeah she does, I guess, I don't know, we don't tell each other everything."

What am I supposed to gather from that? Like what am I to make of him saying things like that? Pointing to his relationship being fake or at most not serious. It's not new or unheard of, PR stunts like this, but still. "Why?" He follows, curious to see why I'd bring that up now. "Because we were photographed together, alone, for a second time. I know it's nothing, but I don't want Kaia to get the wrong impression." He's cutting up some cheese to put in the sandwich as I speak.

"We're just friends, she knows and we don't keep tabs on each other." I nod, just friends, but the way his tone sounds - defensive, almost worries me and I can't stop the words before they come out of my mouth. "Are you two PR?" He whips his head up, looking at me and I avert my eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to assume, but it's just the way you talk about the whole thing-" he sighs, stopping me mid rambling. I look at him. "We are, but I want you to know I was against it. I believe relationships are sacred and this is just..." he pauses a second. "Just not that."

Ok I don't know what to say, what am I supposed to say? I can't say I'm sorry. He works on the food as silence fills the kitchen, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. I look at my phone, trying to occupy myself with something and I see the texts from Timmy, he must of seen the pictures as well.

Timmy💝:

Hey, today went great, I'm pretty tired so I'll probably be out cold for the rest of the day, call me tomorrow when you wake.

I smile happy to hear that his work was going great and relieved that he hasn't seen the photos yet. "Please say something!" I look up at Austin, who's eyes watch me back pleading. My mouth opens and closes, not sure what to say. Looking down he turns around to face the stove and puts the sandwiches in the pan, to cook. "I don't think less of you Austin, it's not even my business to know the insides of your relationship. I talked before thinking." He turns back at me, prompting himself on his hands, that are balled into tight fists against the black marble of the counter. "I'm not used to being the talk of everything. I knew when I got the role, it'll be like this, I almost wished I didn't get it, because of how afraid I was of all this. Then my team goes completely nuts and they have me do all these things, to arouse interest. I ruined my 10 year old relationship because of this." He stops to flip the sandwiches, quickly turning to face me.

"She, Vanessa, she tried to tell me, that it'll all get too much, that I should be cautious, but I got angry with her and we started bickering and then I was in Australia filming and we decided maybe a break would help. The next thing I know it's been months since talking and then they come to me with this." I get up and move over to him, hugging him, as he rests his head on top of mine. Austin relaxes, moving his arms to hug me back.

We hug for a while, but he takes one of his arms away at one point to turn off the stove, so the food doesn't burn. From where I'm sitting with my cheek against the soft fabric of his denim shirt, I can hear his strong heart beating and I can feel each breath he takes. "I understand how overwhelming it all can be, I'm lucky to be working with a team that understands my boundaries, but still I'm young and still at the beginning, so in the future who knows, what prepositions they might make. You are an incredible person, I can tell. I'm sure if you would take the time to apologize to her she'll understand."

"You have no idea how good it feels to have someone know about this, I haven't told anyone, I don't know why I told you, but I trust you. Feels like I've known you a lifetime." Austin's voice is low and it sends shivers down my spine as his words seep into my heart, warming it. My insides feel light and my mind cloudy, the proximity of him, suddenly being too much. The way he smells, like oranges and cloves, the way his muscles flex around me, the way his breath fans over the hair on top of my head, the way his chin rests on my head. Everything, everything is all too much. My brain can barely form coherent thoughts, in order to force me to keep my feet on the ground. I wish I could explain everything to myself, so that maybe I could find a way to deal with all these emotions. There's a magnetic field around Austin, something so enticing and scary at the same time, but the electric current cursing through my body when I'm close to him is addicting. Dangerously addicting. "Would it be weird if I said that I feel the same?" I ask cautious.

Austin's arms tighten around me, in a silent way of saying 'No, it's not'. "I don't think she wants my forgiveness and I don't know what that would do for us, she's with someone else and I no longer think of her like that. I still love her, I do, but not the same way I used to." I pull away an inch so I can look up at him, sparkling blue eyes, staring into mine.

"But wouldn't you feel better knowing that you did right by her?" He seems to think over what I just said. "I guess you're right, I owe her that and myself a bit." We break apart and I go to take out two plates for us to eat on. He places the sandwiches on each pate and we grab them, moving over to the living room. As I sit down on the couch I notice his eyes looking somewhere behind me and following his gaze my eyes land on my guitar. "I've had it since I was 8, I saved up money for it and bought it second hand. A few years ago I had it taken into a shop to be reconditioned, but I specifically asked for my Hannah Montana stickers to stay on, so they put something over them to preserve  them."

Austin chuckles lightly at me talking about my old guitar. I put the plate down on the coffee table and get up to pick up the guitar. "Play something, can I hear an original?" He asks. I'm a bit reluctant about sharing any of my songs before the album is completely done, but I guess I could make an exception for him. "Ok, but you haven't heard anything, got it? Otherwise..." I motion slicing my throat and he laughs, at my silliness.

I touch the cords with the pads of my fingers and play an easy progression, trying to buy time to about which song I want to play him. "There was a time, when I was alone, with nowhere to go and no place to call home..." my voice sings as I close my eyes, getting lost in the meaning of the song. "Lost boy" is a sweet song I wrote drawing inspiration form the story of Peter Pan and how when I was young I used to dream of going to Neverland, thinking there I wouldn't feel so alone. "...I am a lost boy, from Neverland, usually hanging out with Peter Pan." I keep going.

The feeling of loneliness is one I've grown to know to be a good friend, always my companion. No matter how many people I surround myself with, there are few times I don't feel alone. So far not much has been able to push that feeling away, not Timmy, not Roxanne, not my cats, not my therapist, who I'm definitely overpaying. "...And lost boys, like me are free" sighing I finish the song and put the guitar next to me on the couch.

"You wrote that?" I nod my head, taking a small bite of the sandwich, enjoying the savory taste of it, it has the perfect amount of cheese. "It's beautiful, but it seems so sad." I can read the pity in Austin's voice, but I push that away, trying not to get caught up. "Yeah, I guess... but just, I don't know." I don't know how to explain myself, because no matter how close I feel to him, he's still just a stranger to me. "You don't need to explain, I get it, kind of." A weak smile makes it's way onto my lips, as he gestures assuring me, there's no need to explain myself.

We sit in silence, eating and when we're done, he takes the plates to the kitchen, to put them in the dishwasher. By now 10pm is rolling around and I know he has to leave soon, but I kind of wish this day would never end. As Austin comes back, I move over to my huge record collection to place my latest acquisitions. "Are you busy tomorrow?" Austin asks, making me whip my head around quickly. "Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't think we'll get to see each other before you leave New York, I have lots to do." He nods sitting down.

"Well I guess I should go, it was nice spending time with you. Let's keep in touch?" Austin proposes. I know I should probably say 'sure, why not' just so I could ghost him and move on, but my tongue moves before my brain gets a chance to fight it. "Yeah, of course. Um come on, I'll walk you out." He smiles brightly at me and we walk over to the door.

I wait for him to put his shoes back on and then his jacket. One of his long fingers pushes the call button for the elevator. As we wait, he looks me over, from head to toe and just before the ding of the elevator is heard, he opens his mouth to say something, but he never does. Instead he comes closer and kisses my cheek. Austin's plush pink lips, warm and wet against my skin. I'm frozen, moving a hand to his chest to prompt myself. "Goodnight (y/n)!" Has my name ever sounded so obscene? No. Has my heart ever skipped the way it just did? No.

Austin gets into the elevator and before the doors close, I mumble I quick 'goodnight', the last thing that I see being his bright smile as he chuckles shaking his head. When the door close and all that's left of him is the smell of his cologne, I touch my cheek, a ghost of his kiss still lingering there.

After forever sat in the entryway, eyes glued to those goddamn doors, like if I looked for long enough or hard enough, they would open to reveal him again. My shoulders slump as I realize how stupid I am being right now, so instead of shaming myself further I go to my room to get ready for sleep.

The getting ready part was easy, falling asleep? Different story. I'm tossing and turning, throwing fists at my innocent covers. Sighing I turn on my bed side lamp, taking my journal and pen. Putting the date down:

Feb 27th 2022

I can't seem to quiet my mind and it feels like my skin is burning for something, if I were to be honest right now I might know what it is I'm longing for. It's him... it just feels too real for it to be just in my head, he must of felt it too. Right? He's just so handsome, but there's more than surface beauty to him, there's a warmth within his soul. I know it, because I've met beautiful men and women before, but neither of them ever left me like this. I can't even find a word to describe myself right now - a mixture of too many feelings, good and bad. Should I just bite my heart and do what I do best? Put it in a song? But how would that sound? A love song for him? About him?

Tapping the pen against my chin, I take a moment to think. It needs to be a song that's not to obvious, something that could be about anyone. I just have to be vague, no mentioning his blue eyes, or honey blonde hair, or those god forsaken plump lips. Think about what I like that could be anyone else's, not just his. I really love the way he says my name, the way he wears himself, the way he looks at me. Putting pen to paper again, I start scribbling.

Maybe it's the way you say my name

Maybe it's the way you move around play your game

But it's so good

I've never felt like this before known anybody like you

Ok this sounds like it could be going somewhere, but I need to be at the piano. Jumping out of bed I rush to get the song playing through the room. Sitting down at my piano, looking over the shiny New York, I play a melody, singing my lyrics over it. "I'm in a field of dandelions, wishing on everyone that you were mine." I sing, getting lost in the music. This is my first ever love song. Love... is this really what I'm doing? Falling in love? I blink at the piano keys, my fingers stuck. Picking the pen up, I go to write down the lyrics, scratching over some of the words and replacing them with others.

Taking a deep breath I keep on playing, singing, then writing down the lyrics. By the time the song feels done, I glance at the clock, it's 3:50 am. Cursing at myself, I close my eyes, rubbing harshly at them. I need to be in the studio at 8am, so if I fall asleep now I might get 3 good hours of sleep, so I carry my heavy feet over to my bedroom, falling on the soft bed. By some miracle I do fall asleep, thankfully a dreamless sleep, so 3 hours later when my alarm wakes me up, as angry as I am at it, I'm actually excited to be in the studio and show Jack the new song.

Taking a quick shower, dressing casually in a pair of black jeans, with a simple cotton long sleeve shirt, in a cream color and a dark green teddy bear jacket on top, cause today feels colder than yesterday. Gathering my things, I feed Simba and William and after a small session of sharing kisses with them, I leave. "Morning, miss!" Matthew, my diver, smiles at me, holding the car door open. "Morning Matt, did you have a good weekend?" I like to make sure that the people who work around me are happy and know they can trust me to understand their needs as well as they understand mine. We make small talk on the way to the studio, but I can't help fidgeting in my seat, so when we get to the studio I almost burst through the door.

"Jack I just wrote a song, you need to hear" he giggles at my enthusiasm as I pull my notebook out, sitting down at the piano without even taking my jacket off. After I play him the song I turn to him expectedly. "Wow, a love song? That's new, anyone in particular?" Jack winks at me, sitting down at the computer, working around to start on the record. "N-no n-no one." He chuckles slightly at my stammering. I choose to ignore it and finally taking off my jacket, I start working with him.

Four hours later, the song is almost done, but I have to run for a photo shoot I need to do with Prada, for some of their new collection. Saying my goodbyes to Jack, I put my glasses on and add a beanie, hoping to not be recognized, but it's useless, a sea of paparazzi already waiting out for me. "(Y/n) are you with Butler?" "Is he cheating on Kaia?" "Don't you think he's too old for you?" "What were you recording?" "Should we expect an album?"

I avoid all questions and get into my car, telling Matt to drive away so we can get there in time, I still need to make it to that 3pm lunch with Joshua, which speaking of I should check if he send me the place where he'd like to meet. Opening my dms I find myself smiling the notification next to his name.

joshuatbassett:

Morning, what do you think of this place: location. It's my favorite in NY!

y/n4real.2002

Never been, but it works for me. See you at 3?

joshuatbassett:

Sure thing, can't wait 💟

y/n4real.2002:

Me neither, c u ❣️

I can't fight the blush in my cheeks and I swing my feel around like a school girl, squirming in my seat. "Good news?" Matt asks looking over at me in the rear view mirror. "Yeah" I say, pushing some hair behind my ear and looking out the window, already running in my head the different scenarios of how this could work. Since his first dm, I've been looking into him a bit and I do have to say I'm extremely smitten by him. Also I can't get his song out of my head and I've been slowly writing a song opposite to his, a different way of loving, or better yet not loving.

that.gossip.blog

Liked by fan23, hate2 and 503.382others

that.gossip.blog: y/n4real.2002 leaving the studio early this morning, after a session with jackantonoff. Now that could mean one or two things, she's either working on more original songs or she's working on something for taylorswift again. People who were there report, that she avoided all paparazzi questions and when asked about the relationship with Butler, she had no reaction, so that topic also remains a mystery.

View all comments

fan34: omg omg I'm telling you, it's an album, she must be working on an album.

↳fan2: for sure, she has to be.

↳tsfan13: an album from her would be a dream, she's Taylor's kid

hater2: ofc she would avoid questions about him 🙄

↳fan3: I don't see why she owes any expectations

↳kaiafan4: um maybe cause he's taken?

↳fan039: they were just on a walk, can we chill?

ts13fan26: I choose to clown, for Speak Now (TV) 🤡

↳caTs.fan: right there with you 🤡🤝🤡

abfan2: can we just drop this narrative that makes them both look like horrible people? We know them for gods sake

↳hater45: do we? Cause we know what the choose to tell.

↳abfan021: I choose the benefit of the doubt

After some very long hours of taking photos in tight clothes, contorting myself in all strange positions, I'm done. The make up team is working on taking off the glam as I shoot Timmy a quick text.

Me:

Can I call you in 20? I forgot this morning sry😬😬

Timmy💝:

Yeah sure, no worries, I know you're busy.

Changing my green jacket for a black blazer, as it's much warmer now, then it was in the morning, I hop in the car and tell Matt to drive to the small restaurant where Joshua said he'd meet me. I take my phone out and call Timmy, his voice coming through the other end only after the first ring. "Hi there Tim!" I smile, happy to be talking to him. "Listen you know I love you and I trust you, I choose to not get into detail about those pictures, I just need to know, are you ok?" He asks and I swallow thickly. "Yeah I am, we are just friends, he asked me to show him around a bit, I took him to Frank's store." Timmy chuckles lightly, making me calm down a bit. "I trust you honey and in a way I think I trust him too. Happy to hear you're ok, you sound it even." I'm surprised by his statement. "I do?"

"Yeah, I can't tell you, but your voice has that jovial tone I haven't herd in a minute." My eyes gloss over with tears and I giggle. "Thanks! I'm on my way to meet Joshua, I'm nervous! How was work? Is it scary?" I shoot question after question, making him laugh. "Slow down, glad to hear you're nervous about your date, calm down it'll be fine. Yes, work has been great, it's definitely darker then I expected, but I think I've got this." I listen to him talk as he gets more into detail about filming. "That's sounds amazing, but I still miss you lots, gotta go now, I'm almost at the restaurant." Timmy shuffles around, causing some static to come through. "Ok, good luck, be safe and be yourself. Love you!"

"Love you too" I end the call and get out of the car, smiling at the fact that Joshua is already here, bouncing one leg up and down, reading a newspaper. "Hello, nice to meet you, hope I'm not late!" I say apologetic, as his eyes shoot up at me, a smile spreading on his face. Joshua gets up, sitting only a few inches taller then me. "N-no you're right on time, please!" He shows me the empty seat in front of him.

I sit down and he hands me a blue cap. Shooting him a quizzing look, he laughs nervously, placing a matching one on his head. "Thought we could try and pull a Steve Rogers, cap to not be recognized?" I put the cap on and laugh at his marvel reference. "Well that's a good idea. I take it you like marvel?" I ask looking over the menu. "Yeah, I do, but I'm not really over Endgame yet." We share a laugh. "Neither am I" I say scrunching my nose up.

A sweet girl comes over to take our order and we seem to be straight on the same page as we order the same thing, without even knowing. "So what's new in the papers? I don't think I've seen one in a minute." He chuckles, brushing back some of his chocolate curls, handing me the newspaper. "Nothing much, the news is pretty boring, too much politics and all, but it gives me so to do without looking at my phone." I read one of the titles, dropping the paper, the latest football scandal not being my cup of tea.

"So do you like New York?" I ask, sipping some coffee the waiters just brought over. "Yes I do, I'm actually looking for a place to buy here, lately California has been too much, LA just doesn't do it for me anymore" his brown eyes glimmer and I can't help but get lost in the depth of them. "If you ask me New York is the best, something new to do at all times and people rarely care to look around, so it's easy to get lost in the crowd." He smiles at me, thanking the waitress for the food without taking his eyes off of me. "You'll have to show me, cause I do agree with you, but I haven't spent much time in New York. Any place you love, that's like a secret?"

I giggle, eating some of the pasta I ordered. "Well if I told you it wouldn't be a secret anymore, would it?" Joshua shakes his head adjusting the hat on his head, eating a bit as well. "Could be our secret." He says looking at me. I blush like crazy and look down, his stare too much for me. I can't ignore the way my heart skips a beat, or the way my breath get caught in the back of my throat. "Could be." I mumble, looking at him through my lashes. A blush appears on his round cheeks, as he wiggles around in his seat.

"You look beautiful today by the way, not that you don't look beautiful every day, but-" "Thank you" I giggle at his sweet demeanor, a blush creeping up on both of our cheeks now. He let's out a little laugh as well and we both break into hysterics over how we're both acting, like two little kids. "So I think I should tell you the concept for the video" Joshua adds and I nod. "Well this song was inspired by my parents, they were highschool sweethearts, so I was thinking we could play them in the video." I watch as he goes on to tell me about how the whole thing would play out, starting with me walking down the aisle at our wedding and then cutting into a montage of memories from the past, how we met, our prom, graduation, every little thing that led up to us ending at the altar.

"That's so beautiful, I'd be honored to do it. I'm happy you thought of me for this." Licking his lips, they stretch out into a bright smile. "I know it might of seemed a bit out of the blue, but I've been a fan for a while and this song means a lot to me, so I thought: it's now or never Josh" he scratches the back of his head, snickering at himself. "This pasta is really good, I've never been here before." I say looking around the small restaurant. The place is almost too small to be called a restaurant, a hew tables inside and a few outside where we're sat. The early spring is starting to make it's away in New York, the shy sunshine giving everything a beautiful glow. "I found it a year ago I think, I had a few gigs to play here in New York and one of my band mates told me about this place." I wipe my lips with a tissue before speaking. "It's nice, not very common for the upper east side, I'll be for sure coming back"

We eat together, talking about little nothings, making small conversation, laughing here and there. Soon enough an hour has past but it barely feels like I've been here a minute. I haven't felt this good in a minute, like there's no worry in the world and no pressure. It doesn't matter if we get photographed together, doesn't matter if we waste too much time, nothing matters, just us. "Hang on" he leans over the table and brushes some of my hair out of my face, lifting the cap off of my head, surprising me with a small kiss, on the top of my forehead. He sits back down, blushing profusely as I'm still a bit starstruck. "That was-" "lovely" we talk over each other and our eyes meet, getting stuck.

I can feel myself leaning closer to him, still staring into his eyes, mesmerized by the dark chocolate color of them. I never knew I'd find brown eyes to be beautiful, but right now I do. Being so close to him I can smell the faint perfume of his cologne, young and bold, a bit minty with some flower undertones, very different from Austin's, dark musky scent. Before I can get any closer, my phone rings, pulling us out of the trance we've been stuck into. "Sorry" I mumble before answering Levis, my assistant.

"Hi I'm at your place, are you on your way? I want to give you the scripts I have and go over some more scheduling for the upcoming month." I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose, I completely forgot about him coming over. Looking at my watch, I'm only 30 minutes late. "I'll be there in 30, please excuse me!" Levis assures me that's all fine and I put my phone in my bag, after texting Matt to bring the car around. "I have to go, have your assistant email mine. I loved having lunch with you, Josh" I say pushing him, the card for my assistant.

"I had a good time as well." We both get up and share a tight hug. I allow myself to breathe in his scent, and I can't help but notice he does the same. As we pull apart, our hands linger over each other. "Give me your phone." I say and he complies. I quickly put my number in, naming the contact (Y/n)💟. Giving him the phone back, he sucks in a breath, noticing the emoji I used. "I guess it's our thing now, the Purple Heart?" Joshua asks tilting his head. "I guess so."

"Well I'm happy, cause I didn't know if this would be too much" he says, before searching in the pockets of his coat, pulling out a small velvet bag. "Give me your hand" he says and I put my hand forward, his fingers working on opening the little bag and then turning it upside down he shakes it softly. Something small and silver lands in my hand and he put the velvet bag away, taking the thing, that I now see it's a bracelet, out of the palm of my hand. "Allow me, please" he says.

I lift the sleeve of my blazer slightly and he puts the bracelet on. It's a dainty silver chain with a Purple Heart. The jewelry sits nicely on my wrist and I can't help the way my heart stops in it's tracks. I look up at him wide eyed and throw my arms around his neck, holding him tight. "Thank you, I love it." I say and give his cheek a small kiss. Joshua's hands go to my waist holding me tight to him. "You're very welcome, honey" the pet name, makes my knees buckle, as I snuggle my face further into his neck. "I have to go, I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, bringing his hands up to my face. "Don't be, I'll call you tomorrow, would that be ok?" Joshua asks. "Yes it would" I smile and pull away from him, when Matt stops the car next to us. I give him one more look and blow him a kiss, getting in the car. He fakes catching the kiss against his heart, making me laugh.

Matt drives away and I look at Joshua through the tinted windows. I'm smiling like crazy and I feel butterflies in my stomach. It's so strange, what's going on with me, getting so easily swept away by these men. Am I going insane? Probably, although there's this small voice in the back of my head, saying I'm just growing up and allowing myself to feel these things for once. "Did you have a good time, miss?" Matt asks me, being the nice person he's always been. "Yeah I did actually, he seems nice doesn't he?" I fiddle with the bracelet around my wrist, the slight cold of the metal being a comforting sensation. "He does miss, did he get that for you?" He says noticing the bracelet and I nod, lifting my arm up, to show him better. "It suits you, he's got taste." Here I can agree with Matt, once more, he does have nice taste, the jewelry really fits my personality and the fact that he thought about it, from our dms, it leaves me flabbergasted.

When we get back to my place, Matt and I ride the elevator together, meeting Levis in my entryway, talking on the phone. "You could've made yourself at home, Levis, you know that" I say going over to the fridge to get the water pitcher, picking two glasses as well. "Come on!" I move my head in the direction of the study as Matt, goes to his office that he has here. "Ok what have you got for me!" I say excited.

He sits down in front of me at the desk. "So these are some scripts I thought you'd like, a movie called "The in between" for Netflix, a small part on stranger things, and some more movies. I'm waiting on something exciting though, but it's still in the 'maybe' trails so there's no script." I listen closely taking the papers he hands down to me. "Next I have here your schedule for the month and I'm waiting on Joshua's assistant to email me about when the music video will shoot and where. I also have people calling me nonstop from different publications, that want you to give statements about new music and relationships" he winces at the last part as I sigh, taking off my blazer and sinking further into the chair. "Sorry, I know, don't worry I've refused them all for now, but-"

"But at one point I'll have to speak with them, I know, but let's get them after the Oscars so I can work some more on music for the next two weeks, everything after the awards will be hectic, no matter the outcome" he nods, taking down notes. "Ok tomorrow you have the first fitting, Chanel will dress you right?" Levis asks, to make sure he's got everything down. "Yeah, I want something classic and comfy." He puts that down in his planer as well. And we go like that for the next few hours and then I go to change and get ready to start on some of those audition tapes.

When my tired body finally melts into the marshmallow mattress, I'm left torn in between all these feelings. When I close my eyes I see Austin's blue eyes, piercing into mine, I still feel the ghost of his kiss on my cheek. And then when everything becomes too much, too real, I turn around in bed and I get a whiff of Joshua's scent, the ridiculous imaginary weight of the dainty bracelet, holding my right hand down. My heart beats too fast and I barely catch my breath, it feels like I'm running, when I'm just in bed, dreaming about two people, two very different people, because one could be my calm and ease and the other could be my adrenaline and euphoria. One of them is allowed and the other is well....forbidden

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[kemakoshume]

can i request a drabble for stepcest/incest with megumi, nsfw, and female reader for your follower celebration? i read your bokuto stepcest one and reallyliked that one! thank you :3

a/n; hi baby, ofc you can. i just now realized i haven't published any of my wips for megumi yet lmao so wow what a way to introduce my writing about him

btw yes i am currently doing a milestone event!! come send a req my way. i'm doing short drabbles/hcs for whatever your little hearts desire ~

warnings: stepcest, "p in the v" sex, oral (f!receiving), "feminine cycle" mention (specifically ovulation, not the 🩸phase). i imagine megumi either being older than you or exactly the same age as you here but idk lmao either way you're both adults. [1.2k words].

It's been a few years since the first time he made a move.

Megumi had always been a pretty stoic guy. From the first day your parents introduced the two of you all the way until now, his demeanor publically had always remained much of the same. In private though, he let you see parts of him that you never would've guessed were there.

He was funny. Like, properly funny. The first time he made you laugh you feared you'd pass out from not being able to take in enough air. He was distractingly handsome. Of course, you had noticed that but there was a softness to his features that only appeared in the shadow of nighttime that he reserved for you. He was caring, and loved the people around him very deeply, and god, he was afraid to admit it at first, but he was so smitten with you.

What started innocently as two newly minted siblings being forced to spend time together to "bond" had slowly but surely turned into something more. Your clothes got more risque with age and his eyes began to linger longer. He came to spend more time in your room even if you weren't home and you did the same to him in turn. One night, your late-night studying and working and movie watching turned into soft kisses under your fairy lights. Then, eventually, it turned into more.

The flood of despair that crept into your bones every time that he left your bedroom has yet to stop, still even at your age, no matter how many times you've allowed him into both yourself and your space. But still, night after night he would enter your room, not always for sex but often for something, and you would accept him with open arms every time.

You don't flinch anymore when you hear a soft knock at your door in the late hours of the weekday evening anymore, knowing immediately who the visitor would be. The soft rasps of his knuckles tapping in beats of three against thick mahogany wood mimicking that of your fluttering heartbeat.

You don't have to get up from your desk chair to let him in, instead, you allow him to enter on his own as he always does. You say little when he crosses the space between you in your bedroom, coming up behind you where you're sat on your computer. Your legs are in your signature sitting position: one leg crossed beneath your body, and one slid up parallel against your thigh.

You don't say anything when he glides his warm hands down the sides of your face, squishing your cheeks in to make your lips puff out like he's always done since you were young, too young and green to the ways of the world to know what the influx of hormones and carnal desires would do to your relationship.

You try to swat his hands away playfully, but settle for holding one of his hands with yours instead. You shift your neck with his movements when he trails those hands down to your shoulders, rubbing and kneading the firm knots of muscle tangled up beneath your skin.

"Hard day?"

"Mhm," you hum, relaxing into the warmth of his large hands, "Lots of work."

"Poor angel," he says, leaning down to place soft kisses along the line of your jaw, "Hey, do you know what week of the month just ended? I think we can have a little fun that'll perk you up."

You did, of course. It was your cycle, so duh. The week of your fertile window had just come to a close. The little egg that could shatter your entire lives had come and gone from your body leaving way for fun without barriers.

"Oh shit," you said, thinking back to the alert you'd seen chime in a flash on your phone at some point in the day, "You're right. I forgot you've been checking."

"Of course I have," he said, his voice just a whisper in your ear, "I get to feel you, really feel you for the next few days without any fears. Well, besides my dad and your mom. Figures that this is the one week they decided to stay home."

You chuckle, turning your head to the side to catch his lips in a kiss. Your parents had become that couple in their forties that vacationed constantly as soon as you'd walked across your graduation stage and officially gained the badge of "adult." You both stayed home during university, commuting instead of shelling out money on separate places, and continued your trists under the security of the two adults rarely being home.

Most nights you didn't have to sneak around much these days, but there was something about the thrill when you did. It made you feel... grey to admit that it turned you on even more, but you couldn't help it. Having him all to yourself in secret was the best thing you could've ever asked for as you accepted your new life with this family.

It's routine on nights like this that you creep down the halls of your home to make sure Toji's deep snores can be heard through your parents' door in their bedroom. Your mom would have placed in her earplugs by now to ensure that she got some sound sleep. Still, you firmly close your door but don't lock it just in case, just so things don't look too suspicious. You grab a large blanket to drape over your laps in case someone decides to come in. You put on a movie you've both seen a million times to mask any of your noise.

You cry into a pillow when you cum, his tongue licking into your cunt while you drip onto his face. You don't complain when he puts his hand over your mouth while he fucks you, drilling into you at a bruising pace on the floor of your pale pink-themed room. You always avoid the bed, since your bedframe was way loud and creaky, even with the cloud of snores for protection, and you couldn't handle the shame of being heard.

What would your parents say? What would your family think? Would they chastise you? Make you show them exactly what "games" the two of you spent your nights playing? Would they judge you?

Honestly though... why should you care, really? When his cock fills you up like this, when he caresses your breasts and worships your body, and loves you unconditionally in a way that no partner you would ever have possibly could. How can you care about anything else when he makes you feel this way?

When he cums in you, crying your name into the crook of your neck and you cum around him doing the same, nothing else in the world matters but you two.

You couldn't have begged the universe for a more loving brother.

[wheelsup]

okay but can you imagine spencer washing your hair for you?

like, i never (ever) let anyone (at all) touch my hair, but i feel like he'd be really gentle about it, and there is just something so soft and tender to me about the idea of washing someone's hair for them 🥺

that’s my dream <3 ik you didnt specifically ask for a blurb but i think about this very often. i wrote two versions of this, but this one (with two bickering best friends who are v much in love) won my heart. 

wc: 1.6k   contains: friends (to crushes, maybe ;) ), injured reader. gn!reader

-

“Spence, I promise you that I can do it by myself,” you huffed, attempting to yank off your tank top as you walked toward the hotel bathroom, using only one arm while trying to keep the other as still as possible.

“I’d be more inclined to believe you if you didn’t sound like you were going to cry,” he snickered, following hot on your trail as you tried to escape his hovering. 

“You’re being dramatic.” 

“Oh really? Lift your arm up, then.” He leaned his hip against the marble counter, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for you to do it. One obnoxiously smug eyebrow arched on his forehead.

Sometime during the case, you’d gotten into a brief tousle with a suspect, who just had to run away when approached. If Morgan had been there, you wouldn’t have even batted a lash, but he wasn’t. So not only had you detained him by yourself, you also wound up with a minor pulled muscle in your shoulder. 

You shot him a sarcastic smile, toothless and irritated, and raised your right arm into the air. He let out an airy scoff. 

“Other one, smart ass.”

Your arm dropped down to your side, your smile falling with it as you turned sharply towards the shower. 

“Look, I’m disgusting right now. So either I suck it up and shower, or you’re going to smell me until the day we solve this case.”

Spencer’s nose crinkled at the gross truth. He wasn’t ungentlemanly enough to tell you, but sharing a bed with a coworker was quite a quick way to discover if they were in need of a shower or not. Your shoulder might be out of service, but both of you could agree that hygiene was a bigger priority. 

“You can’t even move. Just… just let me help you.”

You snorted. “Nice try, Reid. I’m not letting you shower with me.”

He rolled his eyes at your use of his last name. You only called him that when you were annoyed with him. He pushed off the counter and turned to the wall, hitting the light switch and earning a shriek from you as the room suddenly went dark. 

“I won’t look,” he shrugged, amusing no one but himself. 

“You’re a clown, you know that?” you muttered under your breath, drawing back the shower curtain and fumbling around, searching for the knobs in pitch black. “Absolutely fucking theatrical.” 

You found them moments later and ran the water, testing the temperature on the back of your hand. By the time it went from cold to warm, you noticed that he still hadn’t moved. From the sliver of light peeking under the door, you could make out just his silhouette in the corner, perched on the vanity. 

He was being stubborn about this. That, and the comforting fact that you couldn’t see a single thing –– thankfully, not even his face –– wore you down.

“Close your eyes,” you murmured. 

“It’s already pitch black in here ––”

“Close your eyes, Reid.”

Sighing through his nose, he did just that. To make sure you knew it, and also maybe just to be annoying, he made a show of getting off the counter and turning himself around to face the wall. You peeled out of your clothes as quickly as you could. In the process, you caught the long shower curtain under the heel of your foot and, as you stumbled over it, accidentally dragged it along, sending the metal curtain hooks screeching as they slid along the bar.  

The second you found your ground, you immediately shot daggers into the back of Spencer’s head, waiting for him to make a joke. As if he could feel them, he bit back his quip. Not without letting a barely contained cackle slip under his breath. 

“Okay,” you warned, stepping into the shower. Grabbing the end of the shower curtain, you pulled it tightly over your body to cover yourself as you poked your chin out to talk to him. “I’m in.”

Spencer turned and approached the shower, eyes still shut with his hands out in front of him, feeling the walls for guidance. He was still mocking you for making him close his eyes. You raised your brows; he must’ve thought he was quite funny. 

“You look like Velma when she loses her glasses.”

That knocked the funny bone right out of him. His hands dropped to his sides.

“Just get your hair wet and hand me the shampoo.” 

You drew the curtain shut again as you dipped your head under the shower stream, coming back moments later with sopping wet hair and a little bottle of complimentary hotel shampoo. 

He let you sit on the floor of the bathtub, just slightly removed from the spray of the water. Your back was to him, as he kneeled down on the tile floor, just outside of the bathtub so he didn’t have to get wet. You bent your knees to your chest, resting your chin on them.

Spencer first pushed up the sleeves of his sweater as far as he could before deciding to remove it altogether for the sake of protecting the wool against stray water. The cuffs of his work shirt were unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows as he got to work.

Taking a healthy quarter-sized amount of shampoo into his palm, he lathered it between his hands before running soapy fingers through your scalp. The pads of his fingertips softly dug in as he carefully massaged the shampoo in.

When he started working his fingers in patterns, putting pressure near your temples and increasing it as he dragged them up the curve of your scalp, you let your eyes close. He was getting rid of a headache you didn’t even realize you had. 

The tension you’d been carrying in your shoulders eased a little, and it made him think about how much you probably needed this. One of his hands came down to massage the muscle between your neck and your good shoulder, knowing it was best to just let the hot water do its magic on the bad one. 

When the shampoo had been sufficiently lathered, he stood up and detached the shower head, bringing it down to you so you didn’t have to move. You leaned your head back for him as he carefully rinsed the soap out.

You weren’t going to ask, but thank God Spencer told you to hand him the conditioner next. This, he slathered all over the ends of your hair, making sure all of it was sufficiently covered in conditioner before loosely twisting it into a low, makeshift pony for you. 

“Mm. I was about to ask how you’re so good at haircare,” you chuckled lowly to yourself, in a half-sleepy voice with your forehead resting on your knees. Dangerously close to falling asleep. “Then I remembered what you used to look like.”

You had a lazy smile on your face just thinking about the days where Spencer’s hair used to be down to his shoulders. He looked so pretty like that (not that he didn’t look pretty now, too), you always wondered why he got rid of it. 

“Remember when I got shot in the knee?” he hummed, returning to work your shoulder. He adorned a tiny smile of his own as he started to reminisce. “You came by my house at least once a week. Brought me meals, watched movies with me. Helped distract me from the pain. Even drove me to my physical therapy appointments.” 

You mm-hmm’d that you remembered.

“You pretty much did everything shy of helping me bathe. Though, I feel like you would’ve helped with that, too, if I asked.”

You both laughed at that. You hadn’t really noticed the parallels of your situation, being injured and needing his help for once. He was happy to repay the favor. 

“I’ll, uh. Let you wash your body yourself,” he said, coming out of his daydream for a moment. He rinsed his hands off and got up, patting down his wet hands on his trousers. With one nod from you to confirm that you’d be able to do it, he quickly exited the bathroom to give you privacy. 

You emerged seventeen minutes later, clad in pajamas with towel-dried hair. Spencer was still awake as you crawled onto the bed beside him, more than ready for bed after that. He looked to the side to ask you how the rest of your shower was, and before he could get it out, you shuffled up next to him, winding one arm around his and resting your head on his chest.

“I take it you had a good shower?” he laughed. This was one of his “I told you so” moments, and for once, you didn’t mind it. 

“Mhm,” you smiled, chuckling behind it as you shut your eyes. You were falling asleep fast. “Spence, the scalp massage…” 

“Was good, right?” he boasted, inflating his own ego a bit. 

You nodded against his shoulder, not caring if you helped blow up his ego another two sizes. Burrowing deeper into the covers, nestling tighter against Spencer, you got one more quip in before falling asleep. “S’good that I think I have a crush on you now.” 

Joke or not, he pulled the blanket higher until it reached your chin, holding you with both arms and kissing the top of your head before falling asleep himself.

*

*

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[wizkiddx]

hiiiii i love your stuff - could u do one where the readers ill but they have stuff to do and tom has to look after her. maybe if they were just friends before too but both pining? thankuuuuuuuuu

should I be writing this instead of revising? clearly fucking not. Did I make this little blurb req ridiculously long purely to procrastinate? Of fucking course.

but also this was v cute! I assumed u meant famous!reader, sorry if that's not what u were after at all anon x

summary: Tom Holland turns into the readers knight in shining armour when they get ill during promo

warnings: fainting / feeling ill

///////////////////

It couldn’t be today. Of all days, why today? You’d been at home for two weeks doing absolutely nothing, before this trip. And yet it’s when your itinerary is packed to the brim, people moving heaven and earth just speak to you. Two weeks of unrelenting press for Marvels next big ensemble movie. 

Your manager was speaking to you, reeling off a run down of todays activities but instead of listening you nodded along blankly - head rather cloudy with this heavy mist that was not shaking off, no matter how hard you tried. 

“You got that Y/n/n?” Lucy pointedly spoke, eyes almost physically knocking you backwards as if her eyeliner was battery rams. Fumbling with your thoughts, your answer wasn’t particularly cohesive earning you just a disappointed head shake. 

“I um… yeh I think. Who-who did you say I was paired up with?” 

“Y/n please for the love of god. Tom, like I said the past fifty times.” And to be fair to Lucy she wasn’t wrong. It was the first major major promo tour for the both of you and after just two days so far - you were both exhausted. She was more than allowed to be a bit short tempered. 

“But we-we hardly know each other? The chemistry won’t be there and-“

“As I said, I tried to re-jig it but Kevin is of the mind that acting is your job.” Her tone was sharp but as she glared across the opposing seats, in the little mini van Marvel had hired for you as transportation, her eyes softened. Lucy had been so wrapped up in her own stress she may have overlooked quite how gingerly you were sitting. By the time she had arrived at the hotel, your stylist had already managed to half save your ghoulish looking face, with sunken under eyes and tired skin, so it wasn’t so blatantly obvious how crap you were feeling.  “Is everything okay with you?” 

It felt pretty puny to say that the jet lag from flying to Tokyo had been weighing you down further than you wanted, or that the local cuisine top chefs had kindly prepared for you last night wasn’t siting well in your stomach. To be honest, even you thought it was just your body being a bit overdramatic. So in response, you put on your best happy-go-lucky face feigning a smile.

“No no I’m fine, just want to give the best interviews I can and you know…. I’m awkward as hell as it is, then pair me with the most talented actor that I share about two minutes of screen time with…it’ll be interesting.” 

The way Lucy reacted with a weird slow nod, eyebrows furrowed, meant it was quite apparent you had perhaps overplayed that one. Had you not been so over the day before it even began, you would’ve tried again to give a more believable act. But as you were, you turned your attention back out to the bustling streets of Tokyo and the high rise buildings bordering each pavement. 

You didnt have a problem with Tom, far from it in fact. Tom was hilarious and the times you had met him, you’d both built up this weird and sarcastic competitiveness with each other. It was a game of who could get the last laugh, each of you pushing each other with the Mickey taking just a little further. Of course, not in a malicious way, just the way you’d both lived pretty similar but parallel careers - when everyone drew comparisons between the both of you, it was nice to make it a joke. 

Like Tom you’d also started out on stage, had a ‘big break’ movie as a kid and then spent your teenage years on and off film sets - till marvel happened. Then everything blew up to epic proportions, changing your life forever. Actually, it was so similar to Tom’s story, plus the fact you were also from the south west of the UK. It was bizarre your paths hadn’t crossed more - He probably could’ve been a useful ally in the the whole ‘becoming famous’ thing. 

And yet, you could probably count on two hands the amount of conversations you’d had with him. 

Now that, that was the issue. Right from the beginning you learn what the press want and when you are publicising a movie you cater into it too. They’d all be asking for the insider scoop on set; what pranks you’d pulled on each other; what was the most annoying thing about each other. Which is hard if you’d only had 5 or 6 days actually on set together. 

By the time the cab had wormed its way through the Tokyo traffic and you arrived at the PR hotel, it was already 9:30 - making you 15 minutes late (blame it on the traffic). Instantly then you were ushered straight to the interview room for the evening, no chance of green room chat or grabbing a drink before. The place was stuffy, everything was draped with black curtains except the poster board that Tom was already sitting infront of. 

He’d scrubbed up well, no doubt about it. He was wearing statement-ish burgundy suit trousers, teamed with a black knitted but collared shirt thing - that was clearly tailor made for the man. As soon as he noticed you scurry into the room, his face broke out into a warm smile, jumping up to greet you in a friendly hug. It was brief, and as you pulled back you accidentally bumped your head on one of the overhanging lights. No doubt someone had spent a ridiculous amount of time configuring them so they were positioned perfectly, which you had just ruined with your big head. 

“Oh shit!” Tom just laughed in response, shaking his head slightly as he lead you the two steps across to your pre-positioned seats. 

“Making an entrance as always I see!”

“Yeh, you know me, a bit of chaos just to keep everyone on their toes.”

“Oh is that why you’re ‘fashionably late’” With a playful wiggle of his eyebrows, you just rolled your eyes, fidgeting on the chair to find a position that didnt aggravate  your stomach so much.

“I’m ready now though! What did I miss? Just having to pretend to be your friend for 15 minutes?” You stressed the words as though the thought of conversation with Tom was the absolute worst thing in the world - which you definetly didnt think. Scowling like you’d insulted his dog Tessa, it was almost visible how the cogs were turning in his head looking for a comeback. Unfortunately for him though, he was quickly shut up but the organiser bringing the first interviewer in . 

For what would, no doubt, be a long day. 

////

Everything had started off so well, the banter was flowing between you and Tom, no major spoilers revealed that meant Marvel would have to make the journalist disappear. It was once you hit an hour of back-to-back interviews that everything started to crack bit. Because yes, it had only been an hour but that was enough to exhaust you on this particular day. When Tom joked around you got slower and slower, similarly the  energy was zapped from your own answers. It’s not very compelling when someone says ‘you have to watch this movie’ in a monotonous voice with sullen eyes. 

As the interviewers were swapping in and out, Tom actually lightly nudged your shoulder.

“Everything alright? We’re trying to sell tickets and you’ve got a face like thunder.”

“Oh no-no sorry I just, I-um.”

“You want some water?” Now looking at your with more concerned eyes, as if he was just nervous he’d actually offended you for calling you a boring bastard. And you would’ve picked up on it and alleviated his concerns, if it weren’t for the fact your eyes were glued on the water bottle he was holding out to you. You were thirsty. You knew that, that wasn’t the conundrum. What you weren’t so sure about was whether your stomach would accept it, or more violently reject it. In a very non ‘we’re-trying-to-sell-a-movie’ style. 

But the lightheaded fogginess in your brain won out, as you nodded jerkily, taking the bottle and taking a little swig - too cautious to take anymore. 

Now concerned with how Tom thought you were being a Debby-downer too, you managed to perk yourself up for the next four interviews. They were easy, asking questions without any activity and though you did rely on Tom beefing out and adding to your answers, it was okay. Then the next interviewer came in, who you recognised as being from the BBC, Ali Plumb, that had interviewed you a number of times. From the way Tom jumped up to give him afirendly bro-hug, you guessed he also was familiar with him. As soon as he took a seat the cameras were already flashing with the red light, demonstrating his 7 minutes had already started. 

“Guys! It’s been a while.” 

“How are you Ali?” You started it off with the pleasantries, Tom echoing, before the speccy dirty-blonde asked his first question. 

“So the last time I spoke to you guys the universe was in chaos, Peter Parkers on the run and Aurora Blake was trying to strip her own powers, so I guess my first question is how are you both doing? We can use this as a therapy session if you guys need.” His very typical nerdy joke made Tom laugh, nodding as he leaned forward and repositioned a bit. 

You didn’t share the same humour though, more focused on this invisible blanket of stuffiness that seemed to have been thrown on top of you. It made you feel groggy, incredibly hot and so unbelievable nauseous. The lights weren’t helping either, it felt like you were pouring with sweat from your forehead. You thought Tom was answering Ali, even if you couldn’t really hear  - everything had merged into a deafening roar. Adrenaline coursed through your veins, unconsciously making you fumble yourself to standing, desperate to get somewhere with fresh air. The last thing you saw before your vision tunnelled into darkness was Tom, reaching out to try and catch you. 

Because next thing you knew, you were on the floor, wires from all the cameras and lights digging into your back as you looked up to see Tom on one side and Lucy on the other - both wearing a similarly panicked expression. You knew you hadn’t been out long, seconds if that, going by the fact everyone else was in the ‘oh my god’ phase of panic. It was a bit weird how calm you where, but then again all your life you’d been the ‘class fainter’. Waking up on the floor was something you were long since used to. 

“Y/n? You awake?” Rather stating the obvious Tom asked the question as you bent your head up - allowing you sight of all the concerned facing oggling you. With a defeated sigh, you flopped your head back. 

“If this is a dream then it’s a real bloody nightmare.” This time Tom didnt seem to appreciate your joke, looking at you without almost dumbfounded eyes, as you blinked repetitively and groaned. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lucy appeared to want to lecture you, which to be honest wasn’t the most time appropriate. You were still on the floor, legs crumpled up under you, so ignored her. Instead you pulled yourself up into a sitting position, taking a moment to blink away the blotchy haze that threatened to takeover your vision once again, whilst the pair above you both cautiously rested their palms on each of your shoulders -trying to be useful. The room still felt cramped and stifling, as everyone around were no doubt looking at you. 

It took a few minutes but your body seemed to get over itself, sitting up normally and trying to make small talk with Ali - who, by the way, was still sat awkwardly in the chair. Still nestled on the floor, your back up against the chair you had been siting on as you raved with Ali of the Harry Potter theatre show. In a natural lull in conversation, Tom perked up - from the door where he’d been muttering with the organiser as Lucy bit her nails nervously. 

“Y/n you need to go home.” 

All of you knew what Tom said was impossible. Not being egotistical, but you were too important. Although you hadn’t been paying masses of attention for Lucy’s run down of your itinerary - you knew it was packed. 

So you just looked up and rolled your eyes at Tom, earning yourself a strong glare, before locking the organiser in eye contact.

“How many have we got till lunch?” 

“Um this gent here” He gesturned toward Ali, who was almost squirming in his seat now “then two more.”  

“And then lunch?” 

“Yes, then you have a personal appearance at a dinner, so transport will be coming to pick you both up.” This poor guy seemed obsessed with the clock and his timetable, looking at your with a mixture of panic and frustration. You should know this stuff, you should’ve listened to Lucy. 

“How fars the drive?” 

“At this time probably an hour and a half.” 

The plan was clear in your head, you’d sort yourself out in the car and be fully fine by the afternoon and evening engagements. Plus you felt almost fine now. So with a sigh, you hauled yourself up onto the chair, patting for Tom to sit back down. 

“It’s half an hour and then I’ll sort myself out at lunch - come on their waiting.” The way Lucy pouted showed she disagreed somewhat, except a stern look kept her from protesting, as Tom walked toward you. 

“Are you sure you don’t loo-“

“Let me stop you before you insult my appearance.” Snickering slightly at his worried face, you laughed it off , knocking his side with a gentle murmur of ‘don’t worry about me’. 

In fact after that little episode you did feel a little recovered, which meant you were properly noticing the change in the boy sat next to you. Throughout the remaining three interviews he’d done a complete 360 from earlier. Rather than trying to get little digs at you, he had become fiercely protective - jumping in if a questions wasn’t particularly appropriate or relevant to the movie ( meaning when an awfully crap man asked what underwear you’d been able to wear in your suit) ; taking the heat of the conversation as well as just watching you like a hawk. Each time you answered his beady brown eyes were watching you from the side, you got the impression it wasn’t only just because of the risk of spoilers. 

Quite remarkably, you survived the rest of the day pretty well, after a power nap in the car on the way over - even if it was a bit difficult when you had your manager watching you like a hawk from the seat across. It was as if Lucy had never seen anyone ill before, she seemed concerned that you were going to spontaneously stop breathing and die at any point. 

Though by the time all the official business at the dinner was done, your body and willpower had reached the end of their tether. You and Tom were both on a round table, surrounded by 6 CEOs and execs of what seemed to be a multimillion pound business enterprise. With the language barrier meaning you had to speak through the two people on the table who were fluent in both japanese and English, the conversation was already pretty jilted. Though to be fair, the six did seem to be enjoying the evening - something you werent able to reciprocate. Thankfully, five minutes after the main course dishes had been collected, Tom spoke up from his position opposite you.

“This has been lovely and we really appreciate your time and generosity but me and Y/n have a really early start tomorrow so I think we should probably get back to the hotel.” You swore in that moment you could’ve kissed him, and it looked like Tom could tell - by the way your shoulders sagged and you let out an exhale of pure relief. Apparently even if you’d managed to convince the hosts you were enjoying the evening, Tom easily saw through the performance. After some hurried goodbyes, Tom led you out of the hall with his hand hovering over your lowerback, trying to make sure your exit was as discreet as possible. 

Away from the bubble of chatter and activity, in the deserted hallway, Tom stopped you - lightly holding both hands on each of your arms. 

“Wheres your team?” 

“Um Luce is back at the hotel, she was trying to see if she could reschedule any of my stuff tomorrow.” You winced at the way he sighed, realising you were all on your own in some random business event hall in Tokyo.

“Harry -my brother- is waiting in the car at the front - is that okay?”

“No Tom, don’t worry abo-“

“Yeh well I am and I think you feel ten times worse than you’re letting on.” He spoke harshly, like a school teacher telling you off - except the hint of a kind smile at the end was a dead giveaway. 

“You sure?” 

With a relieved nod (Tom had thought you might be a bit more stubborn - you obviously were really really ill) he wordlessly shrugged his suit jacket off, wrapping it round your shoulders. He muttered something about not wanting you to catch a chill but to be quite honest you were a bit distracted by the woody cedar smell of Toms aftershave that enveloped your senses. Maybe it wasn’t so bad being fussed on by him? To be fair he wasn’t wrong either, you were in a strapless evening dress - you would’ve preferred to be in joggers, but Marvels press team had other ideas. 

After a quick pit stop at the toilets, the two of you managed to make an unnoticed escape out the building - into a big SUV which had seconds prior pulled up onto the steps. You literally melted into the nearest window seat, body hunching over as you probably crumpled Tom’s jacket beyond belief. 2 seats along from you, a frizzy haired boy gave you a sympathetic smile, which you returned weakly whilst muttering a ‘hi’. Meanwhile, Tom pulled the sliding door shut, sitting across from you. 

“Oh Y/n this is Harry and Harry this is Y/n.” In unison both of you replied with an ‘I know’ eye roll. Your response was somewhat more shocking to both Holland boys, you could tell from the way they had this whole nonverbal conversation with their eyes - they were very clearly brothers. Needing to explain you continued. “I like to keep tabs on my castmates, I’ve seen you on Toms instagram.” That had both boys smirking, Harry presumably just because you knew who he was; Tom more smugly, you’d just given away you slightly stalked him on instagram. 

Silence reigned for a moment, as the driver put his foot down slightly. 

“How you doing?” Tom asked. 

“Mhm…” you thought for a second, how to eloquently describe the sensation. 

“shit.” 

Both boys chuckled a little and even though you had closed your eyes in an attempt to dull the throbbing behind your temples, you could feel the eyes on you. 

“You want the music off?” Harry asked, referring to the indie-rock coming quietly out the speakers of his laptop, which was resting on his lap. With a shake of your head you refused, even if really silence probably would help your head, you were already causing the two Hollands enough trouble - no need to bore them during the journey back into central Tokyo, especially when you weren’t the most enthusiastic company ever. 

Thankfully the music stayed on a low volume, whilst the car seemed to settle into a comfortable silence. With a long exhale you fluttered your eyes open, seeing Tom focused on his phone, before you rested the side of your head against the black-out glass. Taking some relief from the cool glass, you huddled further into the corner of the car against the door.

Floating in the space between sleep and wakefulness, you were kind of aware of your head occasionally bobbing and jerking about - but really didn’t have the energy or willpower to do anything about it. Instead, the thing that perked your attention was hearing some supposed-whispering from inside the body of the car.

“I know she said she didn’t care but she was clearly lying-“ 

“Like you know! You’ve been desperate to try and spend some time with Y/n- maybe you poisoned her just so you could be all knight-in-shini-“

“Turn. The. Music. Off.” Tom sounded scathing now, and with a grumble from your other-side the cheery drum beats ceased.

“Happy now?” …and Harry was sarcastic. 

“Swap places with me.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

“Why?”

“So she can lie down.” 

“Well no because you would still be in the way if we swapped.”

“Yeh but she can lie on my lap idiot.”

“She can lie on me.”

“She doesn’t know you!”

“Well for 1, barely ten minutes ago she said she did know me. And 2, she doesn’t know you any better!”

If this was their version of whispering, you would love to hear what volume ‘shouting’ was. There was no reply for a short while, you imagined the two brunettes locked in some intense staring match.The next time Tom spoke he sounded more defeated - almost begging. 

“If I admit you beat me at the driving range the other day will you-” 

“I KNEW IT!” Harry yelped, the volume making you jerk, eyes flying open before reflexively closing because the light was too bright. There was a little mutter of an apology, then silence again. 

Once agin you must’ve drifted off because it felt like absolutely no time had passed when a firm but gently hand on your shoulder nudged you awake. 

Sure enough the boys had swapped position, Tom now sitting along the seat from you, Harry looked a little sulky from across the way. It was Tom who was reaching over, a gentle and peaceful smile on his face.

“You wanna lie down? Don’t want you to strain your neck.” He wasn’t wrong, adding to the throbbing headache, the cloudiness in your brain and the unsettled feeling in your stomach… now your neck hurt. Just bloody great. 

Had you been your normal witty and perceptive self, you might’ve teased Tom as to why him and his brother had done a switch - but everything hurt and all you wanted to do was sleep for a hundered years. So with squinting eyes you jerkily nodded, missing how Tom chuckled to himself. The guy undid your seatbelt, then sat back to let you balance the back of your head on his thigh, looking up at the roof of the SUV. Already your eyes were closed again, you kicked off your slip-on heels and bent your legs up to lean against the backrest - occupying the position you had been sat in before hand. You felt his hands reposition the jacket, pulling it round so it was now like a blanket tucked under your chin. 

To be fair it was much more comfortable than sitting up and you weren’t even aware of how quickly you dropped back into sleep. 

Though it wasn’t quick enough to miss Harry’s very sulky sounding comment, presumably meant only for Tom’s ears. 

“Still think you’re being fucking creepy bro.” 

<33 lemme know what u think! (would make me feel less guilty for not doing all the work I rlly should be doing aha)

tagging : @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter @hollandfanficlove

[shortnotsweet]

Bakudeku: A Non-Comprehensive Dissection of the Exploitation of Working Bodies, the Murder of Annoying Children, and a Rivals-to-Lovers Complex

I. Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

II. Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

III. How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

IV. Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

V. Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

VI. Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

VII. Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

Disclaimer

It needs to be said that there is definitely a place for disagreement, discourse, debate, and analysis: that is a sign of an active fandom that’s heavily invested, and not inherently a bad thing at all. Considering the amount of source material we do have (from the manga, to the anime, to the movies, to the light novels, to the official art), there are going to be warring interpretations, and that’s inevitable.

I started watching and reading MHA pretty recently, and just got into the fandom. I was weary for a reason, and honestly, based on what I’ve seen, I’m still weary now. I’ve seen a lot of anti posts, and these are basically my thoughts. This entire thing is in no way comprehensive, and it’s my own opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. If I wanted to be thorough about this, I would’ve included manga panels, excerpts from the light novel, shots from the anime, links to other posts/essays/metas that have inspired this, etc. but I’m tired and not about that life right now, so, this is what it is. This is poorly organized, but maybe I’ll return to fix it.

Let’s begin.

Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

There are a lot of different reasons, that can be trivial as you like, to ship or not to ship two (or more) characters. It could be based purely off of character design, proximity, aversion to another ship, or hypotheticals. And I do think that it’s totally valid if someone dislikes the ship or can’t get on board with his character because to them, it does come across as abuse, and the implications make them uncomfortable or, or it just feels unhealthy. If that is your takeaway, and you are going to stick to your guns, the more power to you.

But Bakudeku’s relationship has canonically progressed to the point where it’s not the emotionally (or physically) abusive clusterfuck some people portray it to be, and it’s cheap to assume that it would be, based off of their characterizations as middle schoolers. Izuku intentionally opens the story as a naive little kid who views the lens of the Hero society through rose colored glasses and arguably wants nothing more than assimilation into that society; Bakugou is a privileged little snot who embodies the worst and most hypocritical beliefs of this system. Both of them are intentionally proven wrong. Both are brainwashed, as many little children are, by the propaganda and societal norms that they are exposed to. Both of their arcs include unlearning crucial aspects of the Hero ideology in order to become true heroes.

I will personally never simp for Bakugou because for the longest time, I couldn't help but think of him as a little kid on the playground screaming at the top of his lungs because someone else is on the swingset. He’s red in the face, there are probably veins popping out of his neck, he’s losing it. It’s easy to see why people would prefer Tododeku to Bakudeku.

Even now, seeing him differently, I still personally wouldn’t date Bakugou, especially if I had other options. Why? I probably wouldn’t want to date any of the guys who bullied me, especially because I think that schoolyard bullying, even in middle school, affected me largely in a negative way and created a lot of complexes I’m still trying to work through. I haven’t built a better relationship with them, and I’m not obligated to. Still, I associate them with the kind of soft trauma that they inflicted upon me, and while to them it was probably impersonal, to me, it was an intimate sort of attack that still affects me. That being said, that is me. Those are my personal experiences, and while they could undoubtedly influence how I interpret relationships, I do not want to project and hinder my own interpretation of Deku.

The reality is that Deku himself has an innate understanding of Bakugou that no one else does; I mention later that he seems to understand his language, implicitly, and I do stand by that. He understands what it is he’s actually trying to say, often why he’s saying it, and while others may see him as wimpy or unable to stand up for himself, that’s simply not true. Part of Deku’s characterization is that he is uncommonly observant and empathetic; I’m not denying that Bakugou caused harm or inflicted damage, but infantilizing Deku and preaching about trauma that’s not backed by canon and then assuming random people online excuse abuse is just...the leap of leaps, and an actual toxic thing to do. I’ve read fan works where Bakugou is a bully, and that’s all, and has caused an intimate degree of emotional, mental, and physical insecurity from their middle school years that prevents their relationship from changing, and that’s for the better. I’m not going to argue and say that it’s not an interesting take, or not valid, or has no basis, because it does. Its basis is the character that Bakugou was in middle school, and the person he was when he entered UA.

Not only is Bakugou — the current Bakugou, the one who has accumulated memories and experiences and development — not the same person he was at the beginning of the story, but Deku is not the same person, either. Maybe who they are fundamentally, at their core, stays the same, but at the beginning and end of any story, or even their arcs within the story, the point is that characters will undergo change, and that the reader will gain perspective.

“You wanna be a hero so bad? I’ve got a time-saving idea for you. If you think you’ll have a quirk in your next life...go take a swan dive off the roof!”

Yes. That is a horrible thing to tell someone, even if you are a child, even if you don’t understand the implications, even if you don’t mean what it is you are saying. Had someone told me that in middle school, especially given our history and the context of our interactions, I don’t know if I would ever have forgiven them.

Here’s the thing: I’m not Deku. Neither is anyone reading this. Deku is a fictional character, and everyone we know about him is extrapolated from source material, and his response to this event follows:

“Idiot! If I really jumped, you’d be charged with bullying me into suicide! Think before you speak!”

I think it’s unfair to apply our own projections as a universal rather than an interpersonal interpretation; that’s not to say that the interpretation of Bakudeku being abusive or having unbalanced power dynamics isn’t valid, or unfounded, but rather it’s not a universal interpretation, and it’s not canon. Deku is much more of a verbal thinker; in comparison, Bakugou is a visual one, at least in the format of the manga, and as such, we get various panels demonstrating his guilt, and how deep it runs. His dialogue and rapport with Deku has undeniably shifted, and it’s very clear that the way they treat each other has changed from when they were younger. Part of Bakugou’s growth is him gaining self awareness, and eventually, the strength to wield that. He knows what a fucked up little kid he was, and he carries the weight of that.

“At that moment, there were no thoughts in my head. My body just moved on its own.”

There’s a part of me that really, really disliked Bakugou going into it, partially because of what I’d seen and what I’d heard from a limited, outside perspective. I felt like Bakugou embodied the toxic masculinity (and to an extent, I still believe that) and if he won in some way, that felt like the patriarchy winning, so I couldn't help but want to muzzle and leash him before releasing him into the wild.

The reality, however, of his character in canon is that it isn’t very accurate to assume that he would be an abusive partner in the future, or that Midoryia has not forgiven him to some extent already, that the two do not care about each other or are singularly important, that they respect each other, or that the narrative has forgotten any of this.

Don’t mistake me for a Bakugou simp or apologist. I’m not, but while I definitely could also see Tododeku (and I have a soft spot for them, too, their dynamic is totally different and unique, and Todoroki is arguably treated as the tritagonist) and I’m ambivalent about Izuocha (which is written as cannoncially romantic) I do believe that canonically, Bakugou and Deku are framed as soulmates/character foils, Sasuke + Naruto, Kageyama + Hinata style. Their relationship is arguably the focus of the series. That’s not to undermine the importance or impact of Deku’s relationships with other characters, and theirs with him, but in terms of which one takes priority, and which one this all hinges on?

The manga is about a lot of things, yes, but if it were to be distilled into one relationship, buckle up, because it’s the Bakudeku show.

Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

One of the ways in which the biopolitical prioritization of Quirks is exemplified within Hero society is through Quirk marriages. Endeavor partially rationalizes the abuse of his family through the creation of a child with the perfect quirk, a child who can be molded into the perfect Hero. People with powerful, or useful abilities, are ranked high on the hierarchy of power and privilege, and with a powerful ability, the more opportunities and avenues for success are available to them.

For the most part, Bakugou is a super spoiled, privileged little rich kid who is born talented but is enabled for his aggressive behavior and, as a child, cannot move past his many internalized complexes, treats his peers like shit, and gets away with it because the hero society he lives in either has this “boys will be boys” mentality, or it’s an example of the way that power, or Power, is systematically prioritized in this society. The hero system enables and fosters abusers, people who want power and publicity, and people who are genetically predisposed to have advantages over others. There are plenty of good people who believe in and participate in this system, who want to be good, and who do good, but that doesn’t change the way that the hero society is structured, the ethical ambiguity of the Hero Commission, and the way that Heroes are but pawns, idols with machine guns, used to sell merch to the public, to install faith in the government, or the current status quo, and reinforce capitalist propaganda. Even All Might, the epitome of everything a Hero should be, is drained over the years, and exists as a concept or idea, when in reality he is a hollow shell with an entire person inside, struggling to survive. Hero society is functionally dependent on illusion.

In Marxist terms: There is no truth, there is only power.

Although Bakugou does change, and I think that while he regrets his actions, what is long overdue is him verbally expressing his remorse, both to himself and Deku. One might argue that he’s tried to do it in ways that are compatible with his limited emotional range of expression, and Deku seems to understand this language implicitly.

I am of the opinion that the narrative is building up to a verbal acknowledgement, confrontation, and subsequent apology that only speaks what has gone unspoken.

That being said, Bakugou is a great example of the way that figures of authority (parents, teachers, adults) and institutions both in the real world and this fictional universe reward violent behavior while also leaving mental and emotional health — both his own and of the people Bakugou hurts — unchecked, and part of the way he lashes out at others is because he was never taught otherwise.

And by that, I’m referring to the ways that are to me, genuinely disturbing. For example, yelling at his friends is chill. But telling someone to kill themselves, even casually and without intent and then misinterpreting everything they do as a ploy to make you feel weak because you're projecting? And having no teachers stop and intervene, either because they are afraid of you or because they value the weight that your Quirk can benefit society over the safety of children? That, to me, is both real and disturbing.

Not only that, but his parents (at least, Mitsuki), respond to his outbursts with more outbursts, and while this is likely the culture of their home and I hesitate to call it abusive, I do think that it contributed to the way that he approaches things. Bakugou as a character is very complex, but I think that he is primarily an example of the way that the Hero System fails people.

I don’t think we can write off the things he’s done, especially using the line of reasoning that “He didn’t mean it that way”, because in real life, children who hurt others rarely mean it like that either, but that doesn’t change the effect it has on the people who are victimized, but to be absolutely fair, I don’t think that the majority of Bakudeku shippers, at least now, do use that line of reasoning. Most of them seem to have a handle on exactly how fucked up the Hero society is, and exactly why it fucks up the people embedded within that society.

The characters are positioned in this way for a reason, and the discoveries made and the development that these characters undergo are meant to reveal more about the fictional world — and, perhaps, our world — as the narrative progresses.

The world of the Hero society is dependent, to some degree, on biopolitics. I don’t think we have enough evidence to suggest that people with Quirks or Quirkless people place enough identity or placement within society to become equivalent to marginalized groups, exactly, but we can draw parallels to the way that Deku and by extent Quirkless people are viewed as weak, a deviation, or disabled in some way. Deviants, or non-productive bodies, are shunned for their inability to perform ideal labor. While it is suggested to Deku that he could become a police officer or pursue some other occupation to help people, he believes that he can do the most positive good as a Hero. In order to be a Hero, however, in the sense of a career, one needs to have Power.

Deviation from the norm will be punished or policed unless it is exploitable; in order to become integrated into society, a deviant must undergo a process of normalization and become a working, exploitable body. It is only through gaining power from All Might that Deku is allowed to assimilate from the margins and into the upper ranks of society; the manga and the anime give the reader enough perspective, context, and examples to allow us to critique and deconstruct the society that is solely reliant on power.

Through his societal privileges, interpersonal biases, internalized complexes, and his subsequent unlearning of these ideologies, Bakugou provides examples of the way that the system simultaneously fails and indoctrinates those who are targeted, neglected, enabled by, believe in, and participate within the system.

Bakudeku are two sides of the same coin. We are shown visually that the crucial turning point and fracture in their relationship is when Bakugou refuses to take Deku’s outstretched hand; the idea of Deku offering him help messes with his adolescent perspective in that Power creates a hierarchy that must be obeyed, and to be helped is to be weak is to be made a loser.

Largely, their character flaws in terms of understanding the hero society are defined and entangled within the concept of power. Bakugou has power, or privilege, but does not have the moral character to use it as a hero, and believes that Power, or winning, is the only way in which to view life. Izuku has a much better grasp on the way in which heroes wield power (their ideologies can, at first, be differentiated as winning vs. saving), and is a worthy successor because of this understanding, and of circumstance. However, in order to become a Hero, our hero must first gain the Power that he lacks, and learn to wield it.

As the characters change, they bridge the gaps of their character deficiencies, and are brought closer together through character parallelism.

Two sides of the same coin, an outstretched hand.

They are better together.

How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

I think it’s fitting that in the manga, a critical part of Bakugou’s arc explicitly alludes to killing the middle school version of himself in order to progress into a young adult. In the alternative covers Horikoshi released, one of them was a close up of Bakugou in his middle school uniform, being stabbed/impaled, with blood rolling out of his mouth. Clearly this references the scene in which he sacrifices himself to save Deku, on a near-instinctual level.

To me, this only cements Horikoshi’s intent that middle school Bakugou must be debunked, killed, discarded, or destroyed in order for Bakugou the hero to emerge, which is why people who do actually excuse his actions or believe that those actions define him into young adulthood don’t really understand the necessity for change, because they seem to imply that he doesn’t need/cannot reach further growth, and there doesn’t need to be a separation between the Bakugou who is, at heart, volatile and repressed the angry, and the Bakugou who sacrifices himself, a hero who saves people.

Plot twist: there does need to be a difference. Further plot twist: there is a difference.

In sacrificing himself for Deku, Bakugou himself doesn't die, but the injury is fatal in the sense that it could've killed him physically and yet symbolizes the selfish, childish part of him that refused to accept Deku, himself, and the inevitability of change. In killing those selfish remnants, he could actually become the kind of hero that we the reader understand to be the true kind.

That’s why I think that a lot of the people who stress his actions as a child without acknowledging the ways he has changed, grown, and tried to fix what he has broken don’t really get it, because it was always part of his character arc to change and purposely become something different and better. If the effects of his worst and his most childish self stick with you more, and linger despite that, that’s okay. But distilling his character down to the wrong elements doesn’t get you the bare essentials; what it gets you is a skewed and shallow version of a person. If you’re okay with that version, that is also fine.

But you can’t condemn others who aren’t fine with that incomplete version, and to become enraged that others do not see him as you do is childish.

Bakugou’s change and the emphasis on that change is canon.

Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

In real life, the idea that “oh, he must bully you because he likes you” is often used as a way to brush aside or to excuse the action of bullying itself, as if a ‘secret crush’ somehow negates the effects of bullying on the victim or the inability of the bully to properly process and manifest their emotions in certain ways. It doesn’t. It often enables young boys to hurt others, and provides figures of authority to overlook the real source of schoolyard bullying or peer review. The “secret crush”, in real life, is used to undermine abuse, justify toxic masculinity, and is essentially used as a non-solution solution.

A common accusation is that Bakudeku shippers jump on the pairing because they romanticize pairing a bully and a victim together, or believe that the only way for Bakugou to atone for his past would be to date Midoryia in the future. This may be true for some people, in which case, that’s their own preference, but based on my experience and what I’ve witnessed, that’s not the case for most.

The difference being is that as these are characters, we as readers or viewers are meant to analyze them. Not to justify them, or to excuse their actions, but we are given the advantage of the outsider perspective to piece their characters together in context, understand why they are how they are, and witness them change; maybe I just haven’t been exposed to enough of the fandom, but no one (I’ve witnessed) treats the idea that “maybe Bakugou has feelings he can’t process or understand and so they manifest in aggressive and unchecked ways'' as a solution to his inability to communicate or process in a healthy way, rather it is just part of the explanation of his character, something is needs to — and is — working through. The solution to his middle school self is not the revelation of a “teehee, secret crush”, but self-reflection, remorse, and actively working to better oneself, which I do believe is canonically reflected, especially as of recently.

In canon, they are written to be partners, better together than apart, and I genuinely believe that one can like the Bakudeku dynamic not by route of romanticization but by observation.

I do think we are meant to see parallels between him and Endeavor; Endeavor is a high profile abuser who embodies the flaws and hypocrisy of the hero system. Bakugou is a schoolyard bully who emulates and internalizes the flaws of this system as a child, likely due to the structure of the society and the way that children will absorb the propaganda they are exposed to; the idea that Quirks, or power, define the inherent value of the individual, their ability to contribute to society, and subsequently their fundamental human worth. The difference between them is the fact that Endeavor is the literal adult who is fully and knowingly active within a toxic, corrupt system who forces his family to undergo a terrifying amount of trauma and abuse while facing little to no consequences because he knows that his status and the values of their society will protect him from those consequences. In other words, Endeavor is the threat of what Bakugou could have, and would have, become without intervention or genuine change.

Comparisons between characters, as parallels or foils, are tricky in that they imply but cannot confirm sameness. Having parallels with someone does not make them the same, by the way, but can serve to illustrate contrasts, or warnings. Harry Potter, for example, is meant to have obvious parallels with Tom Riddle, with similar abilities, and tragic upbringings. That doesn’t mean Harry grows up to become Lord Voldemort, but rather he helps lead a cross-generational movement to overthrow the facist regime. Harry is offered love, compassion, and friends, and does not embrace the darkness within or around him. As far as moldy old snake men are concerned, they do not deserve a redemption arc because they do not wish for one, and the truest of change only occurs when you actively try to change.

To be frank, either way, Bakugou was probably going to become a good Hero, in the sense that Endeavor is a ‘good’ Hero. Hero capitalized, as in a pro Hero, in the sense that it is a career, an occupation, and a status. Because of his strong Quirk, determination, skill, and work ethic, Bakugou would have made a good Hero. Due to his lack of character, however, he was not on the path to become a hero; defender of the weak, someone who saves people to save people, who is willing to make sacrifices detrimental to themselves, who saves people out of love.

It is necessary for him to undergo both a redemption arc and a symbolic death and rebirth in order for him to follow the path of a hero, having been inspired and prompted by Deku.

I personally don’t really like Endeavor’s little redemption arc, not because I don’t believe that people can change or that they shouldn't at least try to atone for the atrocities they have committed, but because within any narrative, a good redemption arc is important if it matters; what also matters is the context of that arc, and whether or not it was needed. For example, in ATLA, Zuko’s redemption arc is widely regarded as one of the best arcs in television history, something incredible. And it is. That shit fucks. In a good way.

It was confirmed that Azula was also going to get a redemption arc, had Volume 4 gone on as planned, and it was tentatively approached in the comics, which are considered canon. She is an undeniably bad person (who is willing to kill, threaten, exploit, and colonize), but she is also a child, and as viewers, we witness and recognize the factors that contributed to her (debatable) sociopathy, and the way that the system she was raised in failed her. Her family failed her; even Uncle Iroh, the wise mentor who helps guide Zuko to see the light, is willing to give up on her immediately, saying that she’s “crazy” and needs to be “put down”. Yes, it’s comedic, and yes, it’s pragmatic, but Azula is fourteen years old. Her mother is banished, her father is a psychopath, and her older brother, from her perspective, betrayed and abandoned her. She doesn’t have the emotional support that Zuko does; she exploits and controls her friends because it’s all she’s been taught to do; she says herself, her “own mother thought [she] was a monster; she was right, of course, but it still [hurts]”. A parent who does not believe in you, or a parent that uses you and will hurt you, is a genuine indicator of trauma.

The writers understood that both Zuko and Azula deserved redemption arcs. One was arguably further gone than the other, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are both children, products of their environment, who have the time, motive, and reason to change.

In contrast, you know who wouldn’t have deserved a redemption arc? Ozai. That simply would not have been interesting, wouldn’t have served the narrative well, and honestly, is not needed, thematically or otherwise. Am I comparing Ozai to Endeavor? Basically, yes. Fuck those guys. I don’t see a point in Endeavor’s little “I want to be a good dad now” arc, and I think that we don’t need to sympathize with characters in order to understand them or be interested in them. I want Touya/Dabi to expose his abuse, for his career to crumble, and then for him to die.

If they are not challenging the system that we the viewer are meant to question, and there is no thematic relevance to their redemption, is it even needed?

On that note, am I saying that Bakugou is the equivalent to Zuko? No, lmao. Definitely not. They are different characters with different progressions and different pressures. What I am saying is that good redemption arcs shouldn’t be handed out like candy to babies; it is the quality, rather than the quantity, that makes a redemption arc good. In terms of the commentary of the narrative, who needs a redemption arc, who is deserving, and who does it make sense to give one to?

In this case, Bakugou checks those boxes. It was always in the cards for him to change, and he has. In fact, he’s still changing.

Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

There does seem to be an urge to obsessively gender either Bakugou or Deku, in making Deku the ultra-feminine, stereotypically hyper-sexualized “woman” of the relationship, with Bakugou becoming similarly sexualized but depicted as the hyper-masculine bodice ripper. On some level, that feels vaguely homophobic if not straight up misogynistic, in that in a gay relationship there’s an urge to compel them to conform under heteronormative stereotypes in order to be interpreted as real or functional. On one hand, I will say that in a lot of cases it feels like more of an expression of a kink, or fetishization and subsequent expression of internalized misogyny, at least, rather than a genuine exploration of the complexity and power imbalances of gender dynamics, expression, and boundaries.

That being said, I don’t think that that problematic aspect of shipping is unique to Bakudeku, or even to the fandom in general. We’ve all read fan work or see fanart of most gay ships in a similiar manner, and I think it’s a broader issue to be addressed than blaming it on a singular ship and calling it a day.

One interpretation of Bakugou’s character is his repression and the way his character functions under toxic masculinity, in a society’s egregious disregard for mental and emotional health (much like in the real world), the horrifying ways in which rage is rationalized or excused due to the concept of masculinity, and the way that characteristics that are associated with femininity — intellect, empathy, anxiety, kindness, hesitation, softness — are seen as stereotypically “weak”, and in men, traditionally emasculating. In terms of the way that the fictional universe is largely about societal priority and power dynamics between individuals and the way that extends to institutions, it’s not a total stretch to guess that gender as a construct is a relevant topic to expand on or at least keep in mind for comparison.

I think that the way in which characters are gendered and the extent to which that is a result of invasive heteronormativity and fetishization is a really important conversation to have, but using it as a case-by-case evolution of a ship used to condemn people isn’t conductive, and at that point, it’s treated as less of a real concern but an issue narrowly weaponised.

Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

Another thing I think could be elaborated on and written about in great detail is the way that the Eastern part of the fandom and the Western part of the fandom have such different perspectives on Bakudeku in particular. I am not going to go in depth with this, and there are many other people who could go into specifics, but just as an overview:

The manga and the anime are created for and targeted at a certain audience; our take on it will differ based on cultural norms, decisions in translation, understanding of the genre, and our own region-specific socialization. This includes the way in which we interpret certain relationships, the way they resonate with us, and what we do and do not find to be acceptable. Of course, this is not a case-by-case basis, and I’m sure there are plenty of people who hold differing beliefs within one area, but speaking generally, there is a reason that Bakudeku is not regarded as nearly as problematic in the East.

Had this been written by a Western creator, marketed primarily to and within the West (for reference, while I am Chinese, but I have lived in the USA for most of my life, so my own perspective is undoubtedly westernized), I would’ve immediately jumped to make comparisons between the Hero System and the American police system, in that a corrupt, or bastardized system is made no less corrupt for the people who do legitimately want to do good and help people, when that system disproportionately values and targets others while relying on propaganda that society must be reliant on that system in order to create safe communities when in reality it perpetuates just as many issues as it appears to solve, not to mention the way it attracts and rewards violent and power-hungry people who are enabled to abuse their power. I think comparisons can still be made, but in terms of analysis, it should be kept in mind that the police system in other parts of the world do not have the same history, place, and context as it does in America, and the police system in Japan, for example, probably wasn’t the basis for the Hero System.

As much as I do believe in the Death of the Author in most cases, the intent of the author does matter when it comes to content like this, if merely on the basis that it provides context that we may be missing as foreign viewers.

As far as the intent of the author goes, Bakugou is on a route of redemption.

He deserves it. It is unavoidable. That, of course, may depend on where you’re reading this.

Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

If there’s one thing, to me, that epitomizes middle school Bakugou, it’s him being trapped in a sludge monster, rescued by his Quirkless childhood friend, and unable to believe his eyes. He clings to the ideology he always has, that Quirkless means weak, that there’s no way that Deku could have grown to be strong, or had the capacity to be strong all along. Bakugou is wrong about this, and continuously proven wrong. It is only when he accepts that he is wrong, and that Deku is someone to follow, that he starts his real path to heroics.

If Bakudeku’s relationship does not appeal to someone for whatever reason, there’s nothing wrong with that. They can write all they want about why they don’t ship it, or why it bothers them, or why they think it’s problematic. If it is legitimately triggering to you, then by all means, avoid it, point it out, etc. but do not undermine the reality of abuse simply to point fingers, just because you don’t like a ship. People who intentionally use the anti tag knowing it’ll show up in the main tag, go after people who are literally minding their own business, and accuse people of supporting abuse are the ones looking for a fight, and they’re annoying as hell because they don’t bring anything to the table. No evidence, no analysis, just repeated projection.

To clarify, I’m referring to a specific kind of shipper, not someone who just doesn’t like a ship, but who is so aggressive about it for absolutely no reason. There are plenty of very lovely people in this fandom, who mind their own business, multipship, or just don’t care.

Calling shippers dumb or braindead or toxic (to clarify, this isn’t targeting any one person I’ve seen, but a collective) based on projections and generalizations that come entirely from your own impression of the ship rather than observation is...really biased to me, and comes across as uneducated and trigger happy, rather than constructive or helpful in any way.

I’m not saying someone has to ship anything, or like it, in order to be a ‘good’ participant. But inserting derogatory material into a main tag, and dropping buzzwords with the same tired backing behind it without seeming to understand the implications of those words or acknowledging the development, pacing, and intentional change to the characters within the plot is just...I don’t know, it comes across as redundant, to me at least, and very childish. Aggressive. Toxic. Problematic. Maybe the real toxic shippers were the ones who bitched and moaned along the way. They’re like little kids, stuck in the past, unable to visualize or recognize change, and I think that’s a real shame because it’s preventing them from appreciating the story or its characters as it is, in canon.

But that’s okay, really. To each their own. Interpretations will vary, preferences differ, perspectives are not uniform. There is no one truth. There are five seasons of the show, a feature film, and like, thirty volumes as of this year.

All I’m saying is that if you want to stay stuck in the first season of each character, then that’s what you’re going to get. That’s up to you.

This may be edited or revised.

[sleeperswakewriting]

i just thought of a new prompt omg rivetra skating partners au??? IMAGINE THE SEXUAL TENSION??? THE SLOWBURN FROM BEING SKATING PARTNERS TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

saw this tweet and imagined them sm: https://twitter.com/oyimpian/status/1383173356774699012?s=21

Omg anon, thank you for showing me this. I have 0 knowledge about figure skating but I do love watching it! I was totally listening to the Yuri on Ice soundtrack writing this. I don’t think I would be the best person to write a full fic, but I hope this 2k ficlet works! Routine and outfits based on this performance!

They had kissed more times than she could count. It had always been the same in their five years of working together--orchestrated, chaste, but just enough acting to dazzle the crowd and judges.

And tonight would be their last.

Petra tightened the laces of her figure skates, making sure not to snag the nylon of her stockings from her freshly manicured nails. She checked herself in the mirror; ginger hair locked neatly into a bun for the maneuvers they would be pulling off later, and her deep red velvet dress twirled around her hips. It was one of the most daring outfits she had ever performed in, with the back almost completely exposed and and the front neck cut a deep v-neck with the mesh layer.

She took a deep breath as memories washed over her, wondering where the time had gone. It had only seemed like just yesterday when Petra met her grumpy skating partner, Levi, and she had wanted to knock him off the ice  from their initial meeting to his brash attitude. However, they performed the tryouts at their coaches’ requests, and not only were they physically compatible, she had latched on to his crude sense of humor and found his company enjoyable.

Sure, it took them awhile, he would frequently get irritated at her when she would lose her footing or not stick a landing, and she would throw him a few choice words whenever he dropped her, which wasn’t often, but the minute his hands slipped and she came crashing down, tempers flared. They were both good at what they did, they were hand selected by the top coaches in their country, and with talent, came ego.

Unsurprisingly, their common work ethic served as a guidepost for their mutual partnership over the course of the five years they had been working together. Petra was relatively newer to the competitive figure skating scene, only doing some solo competitions but felt that she could accomplish more with a partner. Levi was in a similar boat, about to retire since he had gotten bored, but when his coach Erwin suggested a partner he said, why not?

Except it had been disastrous, with Levi mouthing off to each of his partners, and not to mention that they all commented on his height. It wasn’t a huge sore spot because he had been used to it, but the fact of the matter was, no woman wanted to be lifted by a man who was 5 inches shorter than her, so he resigned himself to retiring until Erwin suggested that he meet up with Petra Ral, a new, but talented skater who was 8 years his junior.

Not only was she shorter than him, but they were able to move in time with one another and were able to wordlessly read each other’s movements. It was an intimate type of connection, one that their mutual partners over the years had questioned time and time again, but they both reassured their partners and more importantly, themselves, that their feelings were completely platonic.

Or so had Petra thought until Levi told her that after this year, he would be retiring. He was getting older and he was looking at other career prospects, like possibly coaching, but valued their companionship over the years. He said the words with such a precise staccato that Petra even wondered if he cared at all since he took her out to dinner after practice to tell her.

It was then that her heart broke. She assumed it was just from losing her skating partner, that was a common occurrence in their field, but as the day of their last competition grew closer, Petra knew it was something more.

The way his hands pressed into her waist was no longer a section of choreography, but a gesture that made her heart flutter. His concentrated stormy look when they breathed in time with one another, preparing to execute a synchronized dance, was now filled with an electricity when their blades scraped their ice.

This routine in particular was special; it was from Moulin Rouge, one of her favorite movies and the first part of the routine was sensual and filled with lust. They had spent hours upon hours perfecting each and every single lift, and they had barely any time to see family and friends from the hours they put into their routine. Truth be told, they spent the most time with each other, and the action of hanging out after work wasn’t even strange, it was expected, as they alternated who picked the restaurant for the night.

There was a knock at the door, and Petra shouted, “Come in!” as she already knew who it was from the three steady raps.

Levi entered, looking handsome in his simple black outfit to compliment her own. He took her in and nodded appreciatively as the weight of the next hour hung heavy over them.

“You ready?” He asked, hand outstretched.

Petra smiled, used to the familiar words and routine they had as she took his hand and he led them out for their warm up lap around the rink with the other couples.

They had their routine down pat--they always kept their gazes locked on each other during warmups, not wanting to let the other couples distract them. Hands danced across each other’s bodies as muscle memory took over, going over their routine in bits and pieces and letting themselves become reacclimated to the ice for the day. Petra had often thought that she was becoming more used to skating than walking for the amount of time she spent dancing with Levi, and she flexed her back as they spun in time, hands locked onto each other.

Feeling satisfied with their warm up, they exited hand in hand to the waiting room as they were the third couple to go. It wasn’t unusual for them to be physically close during competitions, Petra was always nervous as hell, and even though Levi had a cool and fixated composure, competition day nerves also stirred inside him. Better to face them with each other, and they sat on the bench, looking absently at the TV as the announcer gave their routine opening speech.

Petra bit the corner of her lip. “Levi, I know we’ll have time for this later, but I wanted to let you know how much your partnership has meant to me over these last five years. I almost want to retire since you won’t be with me anymore,” she laughed airly, but fell silent at his narrowed gaze.

“Don’t do that, you have a whole future ahead of you,” he said in a clipped voice, eyes fixated on the television. He squeezed her hand a bit tighter as he diverted his expression to the floor. “But the same goes for you, Petra. I’ll miss you a lot.”

She nodded, feeling more reassured by his words as she moved to lean her head against his shoulder as they watched the other couples perform. They didn’t say a lot, usually keeping their opinions for post-competition hang outs and replays, but Petra didn’t know if there would be any of those anymore.

“Do you think the other couples are like us? I feel like we’re so in tune, like we get each other. Like them,” she said nodding to the current pair, “You can tell they don’t trust each other from the way her muscles are so stiff during her lifts.”

“There’s no one else like us,” Levi replied simply, raising himself from the bench to do a few stretches. Petra did the same and admired the way lean body looked in his current outfit, back sinewy and his hair gelled perfectly into place.

The speaker announced them, and Petra’s heart wrenched that that would be the last time she would hear Levi Ackerman and Petra Ral and as they moved onto the ice, holding hands, eyes locking. Petra took a deep breath, and all was lost as soon as the music started.

The routine started with her straddling him from behind, and she effortlessly jumped as he took her, arms locked at her thighs and hers around his neck. He lifted her as they danced, and she twirled, eyes fixated on him as her center as it always was. Then came the synchronized dancing and Levi’s hands were at her bare waist, hands hot and precise as they spared no moment in moving and darting between them. He lifted her again, and their foreheads touched while they circled around the rink, not caring for anyone but each other.

That was Petra’s favorite part about the way they skated together--nothing else in the world mattered besides them. She could drown out the crowd with him by her side, it was just the music, the ice, and them, moving and breathing in time. He held her from under her legs, the action sending a pleasurable shiver throughout her body despite being touched there by him thousands of times, and as she descended they locked eyes as they prepared for their next big moment.

They let go, red and black speeding and twirling around each other but not quite touching. As the music reached its crescendo, Petra leapt into the air as Levi caught her from around the waist, and they spun as each other's center of gravity. Legs wrapping around his, she straddled his waist as they leaned into each other and kissed as the music went softer and moved to a more sensual rhythm. Her hand laced through his hair, feeling his fresh undercut and inhaled his musk and their lips moved against one another, sending ripples of pleasure between them.

Breaths heavy, they released their lips as the crowd went wild, and Petra unhooked her legs as Levi took her hand and they moved in time, parallel to each other. Her heart beat fast as Levi’s lips still hung against her own, the kiss much more passionate than in their practice kisses or former routines, but tried to push it from her mind as the finale was coming up.

The music built and ended as they both stuck their landings and bowed as the crowd cheered. Petra was crying, just realizing the magnitude of their last competition as she saw her face on the large screen and Levi sped over to her, taking her hand, his eyes also filled with moisture as he kissed her cheek and led them away to watch for their scores.

It always took a few minutes for the judges to get the scores together, and before Petra could say anything, Levi moved her against their locker and pulled her in for a searing kiss. Legs weak from their routine and the adrenaline, her knees wobbled and he caught her, hands at her waist as he brushed his tongue against hers, deepening the kiss as she returned it with fervor.

Breaths heavy, Levi pressed his forehead to hers. “I’m not imagining things, right? This kiss was different.”

Petra smiled between tears as she nodded, threading her fingers through his hair as she continued kissing him the way she had wanted to for the past five years.

“Hey guys, what are you doing? They’re just about to announce the scores--” Erwin walked in and smirked at the partners as they held each other, but broke apart as they heard Erwin’s voice.

Both blushing from being caught, Levi held Petra’s waist as he guided them back outside, neither caring too much about their scores since they both had won the biggest prize that night.

[buckybarnesthehotshot]

v: i hate you but allie doesn’t (bucky barnes x reader)

i hate you but masterlist

summary: bucky and y/n can’t stand each other, but y/n needs help with her sister’s kids (enemies to lovers au)

word count: 1903

warnings: swearing, arguing, death, and this is not proofread

taglist is CLOSED

A/N: HOLY SHIT 730+ FOLLOWERS?!? My tumblr’s gonna surpass my personal insta and i’m honestly not mad abt it ily alll

       “I can help you with that,” Bucky insisted as y/n pulled several plates from the cabinets under the counter. y/n gave him a questioning look, as though asking him why she was helping him, and he continued, “if you explain to me why you have a teenager and two kids in your apartment.”

       “Touché, but it’s actually two teenagers, so ha! You were wrong about another thing,” y/n chuckled before her features softened as her gaze wandered to the closed acacia door down her hallway, “My nephew, Ethan is sulking in his room. Honestly, I can’t blame the kid,” y/n explained. With every word that spilled from her lips, Bucky found himself growing more and more curious over y/n’s current situation.

       “How’d you end up with them all in your apartment?” Bucky questioned before adding a quick, “I’m not going to say no offense because that would be a lie, but you look really tired.”

       “Gee, thanks. You sure know how to charm a lady,” y/n rolled her eyes, shoving the plates in Bucky’s hands.

      “I was quite the ladies’ man back in my time,” Bucky winked, placing the plates on top of the place mats y/n had already set on the glass table.

       “I almost forgot you were an old man,” y/n snickered, setting the silverware on the table with one hand and placing Allie in her highchair with the other arm.

       “Didn’t your parents teach you to respect elders and learn to answer questions?” Bucky raised a brow, referencing his previous question.

       “What question?” y/n spoke in confusion as she buckled Allie into the seat. The toddler giggled whilst slamming her palms against the plastic table. y/n made a note not to leave the bowl of baby food there.

       “The one where I asked how you ended up having to take care of two kids and two teenagers,” Bucky chuckled awkwardly, watching y/n struggle to open a jar of baby food. Who knew it would take one jar of baby food to defeat one of SHIELD’s greatest agents?

       Before y/n could reply, Bucky didn’t notice the kid from earlier, Jackson as he would soon learn, was seated at the table and responded for her, “Mommy’s on a trip with daddy and Livvy and Ethan are sad about it,” came his petite voice.

       Bucky, knowing damn well “on a trip” was most likely a code for something he’d encountered quite a lot, gave y/n a look. She only responded with a sad smile as she poured the contents of the jar into a bowl.

       “Jackson, tell Olivia and Ethan breakfast’s ready, please,” y/n requested, earning an eager nod from the boy before he jumped out his seat and rushed to his sister’s side.

       Bucky approached y/n, looking for more answers regarding the kids. He knew this might have been the only opportunity he had to ask y/n without the kids—with the exception of Allie who could barely understand a thing—about what happened to the kids’ parents and what role she played in the kids’ lives.

       “Please don’t tell me you killed their parents and took them in as your own. I think I saw a movie like that once. It was pretty fucked up,” Bucky chuckled but immediately stopped when he saw the way her face dropped at the mention of the kids’ parents.

       “Their mom, she was my sister. I found out a few days ago she died in a car crash and the next thing I knew, the kids were being dumped on me,” y/n spoke, eager to finally explain her situation to somebody even if that somebody was Bucky, someone she clashed with more often than not.

       “What about their dad? Surely, he should’ve been the one to deal with the kids,” Bucky questioned, his brows furrowing.

       “I don’t know where that ass is right now or what he’s doing. That deadbeat killed my sister,” y/n growled, gripping tightly onto the marble counters. Bucky had no idea what to tell her. He’d never been in a situation where he had to comfort his teammate who not only lost their sister, but had to take custody of the kids too!

       Due to Bucky’s inability to speak, and y/n having nothing else to say, they stood there in an awkward silence as y/n stacked pancakes onto the plates one-by-one and topping them with a big scoop of gelato.

       Their mother used to make the best pancakes and top them off with gelato. She and Cassy got the exact recipe which really came in handy when Jackson asked for “Pancakes, please? The way mommy makes them” when y/n asked him what he wanted for breakfast.

       After a few moments of silence, Ethan, Olivia, and Jackson joined them at the table, all silently pulling themselves a seat. Jackson didn’t know why, but whenever his big brother was in the room with his Auntie y/n, there was a somber mood cast upon the room as though there was a rule telling them not to utter a word.

       Ethan sat at the farthest end of the table, Olivia took the seat parallel to y/n’s, while her little brother took the seat next to her. Bucky, not really knowing what to do, stood there awkwardly by the countertop before y/n motioned for him to take the seat next to him where she’d also set a plate of pancakes.

       He took the seat next to her as the table fell into a state of silence while he ate away at his pancakes as y/n turned to Allie and fed her. He would never admit it to y/n, but her pancakes were beyond amazing. Never in a million years did he think to top ice cream with gelato or ice cream until that day.

       “Auntie y/n, is he your husband?” Jackson was the first to break the silence as he stared curiously at Bucky.

      “What makes you think that, buddy?” y/n chuckled awkwardly as Bucky kept his gaze to the plate of pancakes in front of him.

       “Well, daddy always sits at the table beside mommy and he’s her—” Jackson tried to explain only to get cut off by his sister sobbing, “Livvy, you okay?”

       “These pancakes taste just like mom’s! It’s the same fluffiness, same taste, and same brand of gelato for god’s sake!” she sobbed, shooting up from the table and staring down bitterly at the plate of pancakes in front of her.

       “Damn it, Liv, she’s trying to replace mom, can’t you see?” Ethan snarled before turning to face y/n, “You will never be as good as mom ever was. Yes, these pancakes taste like hers, but you won’t replace her just because she’s dead and dad’s in prison!” he cried out before bolting down the hall and back to the room he was previously shutting herself in. Olivia’s features softened a little as she saw the look of hurt on y/n’s face,

       “It’s okay, aunt y/n. I know you’re not trying to replace mom. He’ll come around,” Olivia tried to reassure y/n that through the sobs as she wrapped her arms around her. y/n just nodded slowly in response to the hug.

       “God, I wish grandma and grandpa got custody of us instead!” Ethan’s voice boomed from the room as both Allie and Jackson began crying.

       “Mommy’s dead and daddy’s going to jail?” Jackson cried, a broken expression on his face. y/n rushed to his side, wanting to lie to him and tell him Cassy was coming back, but she couldn’t. She was going to have to explain it all to Jackson some time; she just didn’t expect that time to be at 9:49 in the morning.

        “I’m sorry, buddy,” y/n’s voice broke as she wrapped her arms around the crying boy. Bucky knew he couldn’t just sit there and watch the scene unfold. He knew he had to do something; anything! He hesitantly got up from his seat and moved to the highchair where the baby—Allie—was seated as he unbuckled the seatbelt keeping her on the chair as he hesitantly lifted her up with his flesh arm.

       “Shh, it’s going to be okay. Your auntie y/n’s going to be here and your older siblings are going to be okay,” he whispered as he began cradling Allie against his chest. He didn’t know whether or not he was holding the baby right or if he should’ve been rocking her, but it worked. She calmed down as her cries turned to quiet babbles.

       Bucky nearly panicked at how quickly she became quiet in fear that he’d knocked the toddler out. He held her out again to see if she was—well, alive. She smiled up at him, her big doe e/c eyes piercing into his baby blues. Bucky Barnes was never one to care for kids—not since he became the Winter Soldier—but this was different. A baby, who he was holding in his arm, smiled up at him as she reached for his metal arm? His heart melted at the sight.

       “Otie?” she questioned him, her brows furrowing. He took a seat on the chair, not sure if he could trust himself with a baby while he stood up, before chuckling.

       “I’m not your otie y/n, kid. She’s a little busy at the moment, but I’m her much better teammate, Bucky,” he smiled down at her.

       “CKY!” she exclaimed excitedly, trying to jump up. He readjusted the way he carried her, seating her onto his lap while his hands—both metal and flesh—supported her weight to keep her from tipping over.

       “Close enough, kid,” Bucky chuckled, “So, what’s your name?” Bucky didn’t think his morning would lead to this; witnessing y/n trying to console a kid while he talked to a one-year-old.

       “Ayee!” she exclaimed, a wide smile on her face.

       “Ayee?” Bucky questioned, raising a brow at her, making Allie laugh.

       “A-yee,” Allie repeated slowly.

        “Al-lie?” Bucky questioned, his brow still raised as Allie reached for his face, smacking her hands against his eyebrows.

       “AYEE!” Allie exclaimed happily, clapping her hands to celebrate getting Bucky to correctly say her name.

     “Allie, huh? Is that your name, kid?” Bucky questioned as Allie slammed her hands against his face excitedly.

       “CKY!” she giggled as he continued making faces for the girl. Never in a million years did he think a baby would feel at ease with his present. He was learning new things that day, he shrugged.

       “You can’t be Bucky, I’m Bucky” he chuckled as Allie found herself pulling against his beard.

       “Cky!” Allie insisted.

       “No, you’re Allie. I’m Bucky,” Bucky chuckled, poking at her squishy cheek.

       “I Ayee, you Cky?” she repeated, a smile on her face.

       “Exactly,” Bucky smiled.

       “So, you’re Cky now, huh?” he turned to see y/n standing there, her nephew—whose sobbing was coming to an end—in her arms as she grinned at the sight of Bucky with her niece in his lap.

       “Only because you stink at your job here too,” Bucky scoffed.

       “Rude,” y/n mumbled to herself as she set Jackson down on his seat with a ‘you’re going to be okay, buddy’ as she picked Allie up from Bucky’s lap and set her back onto the highchair so she could continue feeding the toddler. As a matter of fact, Olivia’s sobbing even calmed down a bit as she downed the stack of pancakes her aunt prepared for her.

a/n: this chapter was brought to u by my gelato (my mom kinda got made because it was expensive but yknow a girls gotta treat herself) and me wanting ice cream 

i hate you but taglist: @sarcastic-britt​​ / @kmuir1​​ / @shower-me-with-roses​​ / @justab-eautifulmess​​ / @thomasthetankson​​ / @x-abi-sharp-x​​ / @intovert-gone-wild​​ / @brittanymcsharry​​ / @leaving-the-past-behind​ / @xoxabs88xox​​​ / @mylifeiscrazy0423​​​ / @howliebucky​​​ / @i-cry-so-much​​ / @witchything​​ / @naimalove143​​ / @simplybarnes​​ / @kseniiafirebrace​​ / @buckybarnesishot310​​ /

Forever tags: @spatium-viatorem​​​​ / @sxphiiwrld​​​​ / @strangersstranger​​​​ / @nerdy-bookworm-1998​​​ / @cutie1365​​​ / @valeriiaaass​​ / @adorkably​​ / @whatinthyworld​​ /

MARVEL TAGLIST: @captainamerica-is-bae​​​

BUCKY TAGLIST: @missmidnightxo​​​ / @tinymalscoffee​​ / @howliebucky​​ /

[langernameohnebedeutung]

It’s the izombie anon from last time again, and is it just me, or is the theme of season 2 daddy issues? (I mean… Blaine… Liv’s red haired roommate… I’m just waiting for a third instance for it to become a pattern)

Ohh, that’s really an interesting question, I never really thought about season 2 like that!

--- but…yeah, you definitely have a lot of daddy issues content coming up. (But unless I’m forgetting someone, it’s mostly those four characters/two families respectively.)

(Tbh, considering that Rita and Angus are new character in season 2 we're still getting to know, introducing another new character/family for even more family drama would also have become...too much for my taste. After all, we already get a lot of other new characters and plotlines to keep track of...)

Also, I’m pretty certain that there is some intention specifically behind the parallels between the du Clark family drama and the McDonough family drama. In fact, the du Clarks kinda sit in a space between the Moore-family on one end of the spectrum and the McDonough family on the other and the question is, which side they really fall on. After all, the du Clarks are the major antagonists of the season so seeing them in relation to other characters helps understand them.

Some scenes/lines of dialogue between Rita (red-haired gal) and Vaughn actually directly mirror interactions between Blaine and Angus at other at times - and are even said in somewhat comparable settings.

That said, I think the show has those similarities not directly to say 'these are the same' - but for the audiences to either spot a clear difference in their interactions or to spot parallels where they might not expect them. Sure, the du Clark's relationship is...dysfunctional and troubled, but they're not the same as Blaine and Angus - there is affection and protectiveness between Rita and Vaughn (that's what I mean when I say that the du Clarks are somewhere in the middle between the two other families in that season). The question is how deep this runs and how authentic and how (un)conditional it is - aka, whether it lives up to our idea of a family.

I’m a bit worried about giving away too much or spoiling something, so just looking right at the beginning of the season, I think family and the question of ‘what do we owe family?’ is set up pretty early in season 2 as an important theme (but not THE theme, imo).

It starts with Liv refusing Evan that blood transfusion and Angus being introduced as a character when Blaine coerces him into financing his latest drug-enterprise. Also at the same time, Rita and her dynamic with Vaughn du Clark is established.

There is also a lot of plot in season 2 about showing your real face vs. your fake one.

Rita/"Glinda" is an obvious example. Vaughn du Clark’s public personality v his personality in private. Major’s new job and the entire double-life he’s leading. Literally everything Blaine is up to, ever (…he does so much faking this season I don’t know where to start). Liv hiding her condition from Clive and her family as per usual. Mr. Boss’ scheming. --- some other characters where it’d be a spoiler. Also a deleted scene where Evan comes out as gay... There’s a lot of secrets between friends and family in this season. And that also really affects the family-related plots.

On the other hand…I’d also say there’s a lot about shifting loyalties and changing moral principles in season 2? Most characters have to, at some point, choose between doing the right/rational thing v. being loyal/honest to the people they care about - and that includes family and the value of blood-relation v relationships you actually make.

One of those real vs. fake plotlines is that of Vaughn du Clark’s ‘idealism’. If you started season 2, you probably already heard his big speech to Major on submarine movies and the necessity ‘closing the hatch’, even if it means sacrificing your own people and even if it hurts you to do it. Now, it’s probably not that surprising that this becomes relevant later on.

Vaughn has a lot of ‘philosophy’ tidbits and pseudo?-wisdom up his sleeve and often constructs moral reasonings or important life lessons behind his actions where the audience has to make up their own mind whether he means it, whether it is just a justification for the shit he does, or a combination of the two.

A lot of the season tackles the question whether Vaughn du Clark as an antagonist is just using these "ideals" to defend doing whatever he feels like doing - or whether he really believes in them to a degree – and how willing he’s to apply them and on/against whom. (This is something that we didn't really need to establish in season 1, bc Blaine as the Big Bad never bothers pretending to be particularly interested in anything other than profits. If anything, feeding Seattle's zombies was mostly the 'collateral benefit' of his business and his life insurance.)

It isn’t really a coincidence that we often see Vaughn du Clark ‘meditating’ or doing yoga and stuff like that. This kind of esoterics are pretty on brand for him. Rita on the other hand provides a more rational counterpoint to his attitude – she’s more grounded and realistic, she openly disagrees with him at times or even mocks him in an almost ‘cynical, jaded henchwoman’-kind of way. You get the sense that she is very used to her father's bullshit but also under no pressure to act impressed. Really, the point of family here is that Rita can tell his real face from his false face - - - or at least thinks she does.

The real vs. fake face also plays a role in the very opening-problem of the season: Liv refusing Evan this life-saving blood transfusion because she’s scared of infecting him with the zombie virus (after all, Major literally just told her he’d rather be dead than a zombie) – but of course, her family doesn't know that. And this secret has pretty devastating consequences for her (not that the show really gives it a lot of screen-time). In season 1, the Moore family always seems pretty loving. They’re not perfect and they definitely have an unhealthy thing about work morale and keeping up appearances. But they do love each other and care about each other. That’s why it’s such a shock to them that a family member would refuse help to their brother.

On the other hand, their reaction is also a testament to how much faith especially Liv's mother lost in her daughter in the wake of the boat party massacre. You’d think if she really trusted Liv (who, btw, happens to be a doctor!), she’d work under the assumption (until proven otherwise) that even if Liv isn’t ready to tell them why she's not donating the blood, that there probably is a good reason she isn’t doing that. If I was in her spot, I’d assume something like HIV or another disease that makes it impossible and that probably isn't her fault - and even if the cause was her fault somehow, that she loves her brother and isn't doing this out of some sort of whim. But instead, it turns out that the whole fall-out of the last season really corroded their family ties and that they're not as strong together as you'd think. (Also, this kind of sets the tone for the changing dynamics - you'd think in a more wholesome show, Liv's family would remain mostly intact, but instead, focus is shifted on her friend-group and found family from here on out.)

So with that start, we basically met two families that approach secrets, loyalty, and honesty very differently from the overall rather ‘normal’ Moore family:

Again, Rita and Vaughn, who often interact in a way that both feels like family and not like family at all, if that makes sense. And that’s kind of on brand for them. For one, you often have the feeling that it’s Rita (the daughter) and not Vaughn (the father) who is the responsible one out of the two. They very often talk about each other’s sex-life – even in front of other people. Like…pls, stop discussing Vaughn’s ‘rock-hard ass’, you guys. Rita is very outspoken about what she thinks at any given point in time – and Vaughn accepts it in a kind of bemused way for someone who definitely doesn’t like criticism. At the same time, you always have the sense that Rita earned her position in that company. She's not just there because she's The Daughter - we know that Vaughn has all kinds of enforcers working for him, after all. I think the real test their relationship sees in that season is…what is underneath their strange dynamic and how much is a genuine, "naturally-grown" relationship and how much is just talk-talk-talk from Vaughn.

Unlike the Moore family – where it is pretty clear that they do love each other – the big question with the du Clarks is whether that thing they have is too weird and unhealthy underneath that strange surface – and to which degree there is genuine love in there. I don't want to spoil anything, but there are many scenes that show that there is a sense of loyalty and protectiveness and love between the two - but again, it becomes a question of real face vs. fake face - and whether it is what it seems.

Which...gets us to probably the most fucked-up relationship in the entire show + what I meant when I said that Blaine and Angus show us what distinguishes the du Clarks from them. (not saying that showing us what is right/wrong with the du Clarks is the point of their relationship. It really isn't. That personal vendetta is very much a big plotline on its own. But as I said, as of season 2, there are some strong parallels drawn between them and the du Clark drama and the du Clarks are kind of centre stage for now).

While the Moore family gives us a strong impression of a family that, while not perfect, genuinely loves each other and the du Clark family leaves us guessing how genuine their relationship is, Blaine and Angus are absolutely genuine...at least in hating each other. (In fact, in his first scene Angus even points out that he always knew when Blaine had some ulterior motive whenever he bothered to hide his hatred for a while.)

And while Rita and Vaughn have a dynamic that often feels slightly off for a family dynamic (which makes sense once you hear about Rita's background), Blaine and Angus definitely do read as family - they don't hate each other as strangers. They hate each other for being related with each other. Blaine specifically hates Angus for what he did in the role as his father and Angus hates having Blaine for a son.

In fact, on the subject of changing/shifting moralities in that season, one bigger question is whether you can apply the same rule to your own loved ones as you do to the rest of the world.

That becomes relevant in the du Clark storylines, in Major's storyline, to Clive, to Liv, to ...a very specific storyline later that I won't spoil. -

In Angus' case specifically, he has a very martialistic view on the world (which is kind of coded into his obsession with ancient greek culture, but I disgress). Already during his first scene, we learn how much he resents any kind of sentimentality, even from family. Aka, the people you are sentimental with.

But he does apply this very pragmatic ideal to his own family - even if it means having his father institutionalised to steal his company, because hey, business is business. Actually, he seems to resent his entire family to a degree. He resents his own father for having what seems to be a loving relationship with Blaine. He apparently completely ignored his wife's struggle with mental illness and, in telling Blaine that 'you're a whiny bitch, it's so clear you didn't get that from me' - he's indirectly also pretty clearly talking about his own dead wife and said illness. And by enforcing these ideals to this extreme, he lost his own father by his own hand, lost his wife, and managed to raise a son who absolutely hates him and happily admits that ruining his father's life is his one great goal in life.

One thing I really like about the way they wrote these storylines is that there is a lot of subtext you can ‘unlock’ when you choose to focus on it. At the same time, if it's not the aspect of the show a person wants to get into (which is also fair), they don’t drag it out with too much explicit exposition. One of the more overt things are dialogue lines that are never expanded on, but lead to specific conclusions when you think about them. A more subtle example I find interesting is Rita’s often kind of 50s’-like fashion sense – because 1950s fashion is often code for ‘families that seem healthy and simple on the surface but eventually you come to realise that things are not what they seem'. (That they use those looks like that becomes very evident in the sunglasses-scene – you will know which one.)

And on the McDonough side of things, there is this dichotomy between Angus’ obsession with Greek mythology (which is very nietzsche-ian fishy of him)(also he makes some unfortunate predictions concerning his own demise with those allegories but pssht...) and Blaine’s new habit of dropping sarcastic Christian references* – a dynamic which also has a pay-off in the long run. *(I don’t remember him doing this to any memorable degree in season 1 and some of the dialogue lines in season 1 make me believe that the writes didn’t really have a backstory for him until season 2. That and some of the imagery/shots from the beginning of season 2 onwards have me convinced that they made a deliberate choice there.) So yeah, stuff like that! I find it neat!