#i just really love onions i feel like shrek

[ashasdiary]

Layers

Pairing: Nanami Kento x fem!Reader Synopsis: Nanami shows you one of his very many talents: carpentry. You liken him to a certain vegetable. CW: fluff, Nanami being husband material, sexual themes WC: 879 A/N: I miss my big buff man 🥺

Nanami Kento is quite the multifaceted man, you’ve come to find. 

In the few short months of being together, he has pleasantly surprised you now and then as you have gotten to uncover more of him. 

“You’re like an onion,” you tell him one day, leaning back against the wall in your living room, watching while he puts together a custom nightstand that he had made and measured himself. 

He turns and looks at you, brows furrowed slightly but an amused smile on his lips, “Why, ‘cause I stink?”

He was sweating — it was a hot day, too, but you admittedly loved the smell of him. He didn’t smell bad at all; you read somewhere that people enjoy the smell of people they’re in love with. So it checked out. 

“You don’t stink. No, because you have layers, like an onion,” you explain. 

“Are you really quoting Shrek right now?” he snorts and laughs, shaking his head as he looks back to the wood pieces and hammers the next piece. 

“No!” You begin, but then trail off, “Well…maybe. Listen, I’m just saying…you have a lot of talents and I didn’t expect you to be able to do so many things.”

“Doubting my capabilities, sweetheart?” He throws you a smirk and hammers another piece before he sits back and assesses it with the ruler. 

Straight, sharp, angled perfectly. He’s quite pleased. 

“Not at all. I know you’re capable of a lot but you still somehow manage to surprise me quite often,” you say and watch as he smooths his hand over the wood that he’d gotten specifically for this — it was finally finished. 

It was a beautiful piece of walnut wood that he’d sourced. It filled your heart with so much joy that he’d done this; it was truly the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for you. You’re overcome with emotion, getting a little teary eyed, as he stands up and looks at his work. 

“It’s beautiful, Ken,” you come up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist, both of you admiring the piece of furniture that was now going to be a permanent part of your home — and life, probably. “I don’t know how to thank you,” you hug him tightly and he smiles. 

“You don’t have to, sweetheart. I enjoyed making it and the challenge. I was debating on doing a finish but I think its natural form is already beautiful. What do you think?” He covers your hands with his own and massages them gently as he looks to you intently. 

“I love it as it is. I love it, I love it, I love it. And I love you,” you give him another squeeze. 

“I love you more, honey,” he pats your hands, “let’s go put it in the bedroom.”

You release him from your hold and follow behind him as he picks it up and carries it into the bedroom, setting it gently by the bed.

“Ta da…! You wanna decorate it and put stuff in the drawers while I wash up quickly?” He suggests, giving you a quick, chaste peck before he disappears into the bathroom. 

The small smile on your face is permanent and your cheeks hurt a little as you put a few things on and inside your new nightstand, finishing with a book on top. 

You head to the kitchen and start to make dinner - you were thinking of a nice dish of rice and curry. You wash the rice and leave it to cook as you chop up some onions and other vegetables for the curry. As you’re doing so, you hear him come out of the bathroom, humming a tune. 

You smile over at him as he walks over and circles his arms around you from behind. 

“I was thinking of how to show you my appreciation for making the nightstand,” you tell him, “I had a few ideas, but the most prominent, short term idea was that I let my body do the talking.”

You feel him smile against your skin, large hands massaging your hips, “I knew you’d say that. But I don’t expect anything in return, sweetheart, you know that.”

“I know. That’s what makes me want you more,” you teasingly push your hips back against his, feeling how his length is stirring to life in his pants. 

“Honey?” He murmurs against your neck, nosing your soft skin. 

He’s trying to be poised, but god, you make it so hard. 

Literally. 

“Yes, Ken?” Your reply is soft as you turn your head to gaze up at him. He plants his lips on yours, kissing you gently. 

“This onion wants you to take his layers off.”

Your chest shakes with laughter at how seriously he said it, and you turn in his arms and slip your arms around his neck, pecking his soft lips a few times, growing hungrier for him, “Best believe I will be taking all of your layers off and getting to your core. But are you going to be a spicy onion, are you gonna make me cry?”

“Affirmative,” he grins, turning off the heat on the stove as he pulls you gently out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, where he had every intention of bringing tears to your eyes.

Do not copy or translate my work. © ashasdiary, all rights reserved.

Divider by cafekitsune

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM SHREK *  assorted dialogue from the 2001 film, adjust as necessary

two things, okay? shut... up.

you didn't slay the dragon?

some of you may die... but it's a sacrifice i am willing to make.

they judge me before they even know me. that's why i'm better off alone.

how will you kiss me?

that wasn't in the job description!

what is so funny?

let's just say... i'm not your type.

pick me! pick me!

i've got a dragon and i'm not afraid to use it!

now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

it's a compliment! better out than in, i always say.

you can't tell me you're afraid of heights.

let's do that again!

what's that? it's hideous.

only a true friend would be that cruelly honest!

well, technically, you're not a king.

the battle is won.

so where is this fire-breathing pain in the neck, anyway?

hey, don't look at me. i didn't invite them.

it's on my to-do list!

you're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying!

that's not the point!

huh, celebrity marriages. they never last, do they?

that'll do, [name]. that'll do.

you're going the right way for a smacked bottom.

well, that's not very nice. it's just a donkey.

where are you going? the exit's over there!

i have to save my ass.

what kind of a knight are you?

i was talking about the dragon.

man, this would be so much easier if i wasn't color-blind.

we can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... i'm making waffles!

whoa, look at that. who'd wanna live in a place like that?

that... would be my home.

i think i need a hug.

you're a monster!

we were forced to come here!

you know, you're really quite a decorator!

it's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget!

i like that boulder. that is a nice boulder.

you know, not everybody likes onions.

everybody loves cake!

i don't care what everyone likes!

have you ever met a person, you say, "let's get some parfait," they say, "hell no, i don't like parfait."

end of story! bye bye! see ya later!

parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!

it talks?

i'm not the monster here, you are!

now tell me, where are the others!

eat me!

i've tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end.

all right then! who's hiding them?

oh you're going to love it there.

men of his stature are in short supply.

it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!

hey, what's your problem [name], what you got against the whole world anyway, huh?

i'll find those stairs.

look, i'm not the one with the problem, okay? it's the world that seems to have a problem with me.

do you think he's maybe compensating for something?

hey, where're you going?

oh man, i can't feel my toes!

take a look at me. what am i?

doesn't that bother you?

man, i like you. what's your name?

you're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.

there you are, doing it again!

oh... oh this is all my fault.

you can't do this to me! i'm too young for you to die!

you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off, my mouth was open and everything.

believe me, if it was me... you'd be dead.

i steal from the rich and give to the needy.

man, that was annoying.

i was sent to rescue you.

i'm supposed to be rescued by my true love!

your job is not my problem.

you love this woman, don't you?

i don't want to rush into a physical relationship.

like that's ever gonna happen!

why are you following me?

stop singing!

it's no wonder you don't have any friends!

[cowboylikeyouu]

i always love when people have some kind of "get to know me and my fandoms :)" post pinned on their blog, so here‘s mine:

i‘m a german law student, but i like to ignore that fact bc it‘s kinda depressing lol (edit october 2024: IM QUITTING. lol)

my favorite activity is to ignore most of my responsibilities and doomscroll on tumblr & tiktok while listening to the same 5 songs over and over again and drink too much coffee ^^

i watch a lot of movies and sometimes i write stuff, so feel free to follow me on letterboxd and ao3 ;)

you can yap to me about literally everything, i love love LOVE talking to random people on the internet about random shit!! but here are some of my favorite fandoms and my fav characters & ships from them if u need inspiration :P

marvel (mcu mostly)

favorite characters: CLINT (comic & fanfic version, literally my favorite character of all time i love him to death), tony, nat, bucky, kate, and basically everyone except steve

favorite ships: WINTERHAWK (they’re my everything), stony, nat/maria/pepper

x-men

favorite characters: wade, charles, storm

favorite ships: POOLVERINE, poolverinessa, cherik, and basically every logan-ship in existence (scogan, logurt, morpherine, logan/ororo, here for all of it)

harry potter

favorite characters: hermione, remus, harry (especially in post war drarry fics), draco, minerva, sirius, fred & george

favorite ships: drarry, wolfstar, romione, deamus, linny. i mostly read drarry tho and i think there isn’t a single side-ship that could possibly throw me off. if u write it well i can get behind everything.

good omens

favorite characters: crowley

favorite ships: do i really have to answer that?

star wars

favorite characters: luke, han, leia, (i‘m an original trilogy girly i‘m sorry), obi-wan, din djarin (pedro pascal is the literal loml can you blame me??7

favorite ships: dinluke <3333333

IT

favorite characters: richie, beverly

favorite ships: reddie, benverly, mike/stan/bill

sherlock bbc

favorite characters: mycroft

favorite ships: johnlock, mystrade

other stuff i’ve seen and really like:

10 things i hate about you (my fav movie ever), little women, httyd, fight club (i have to mention this bc one of my favorite things ever is to annoy straight men by saying that fight club is the gayest movie to ever exist), how i met your mother (my fav show ever), our flag means death, most pixar & disney movies, shrek universe (especially puss in boots 2), starkid musicals!!! especially avpm & co obviously, knives out & glass onion, orange is the new black, grey‘s anatomy, shameless, she-ra, bojack horseman, the last of us, hamilton, cats, and so much more, just ask ^^

i don’t really ship any controversial ships but i‘m 100% pro proshipping so get the fuck away from me if you’re not <3

#amy talks is my yapping tag, #tweet people w kindness has everything about my twitter fic, and #first light everything about the winterhawk interstellar au i‘m currently writing. rest of my tags should be self explanatory lol

[cheshire-999]

𝗚𝗛𝗢𝗦𝗧 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦

(𝗴𝗻!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿)

//based on my perception of this character

(english isn’t my first language‼️)

• This man is like an onion, he has layers. (thanks to Shrek for this metaphor)

•He is intimidating. He has this sort of dangerous aura around him that pushes people away most of times. But DAMN that man is handsome. (Wattpad bad boy energy for me lol)

•He had a very traumatic and difficult childhood so this man has trust issues for sure. He is wary about everyone until he knows and is SURE to be safe with you. And it’s only when he is safe that you will see another side of Simon “Ghost” Riley.

•He is funny. He likes to joke around, he likes seeing people laugh at his jokes (who wouldn’t). Anyway I don’t think he would be a prankster like Soap but Simon definitely enjoys being a jokester sometimes.

•He isn’t the type to talk a lot. He prefers to listen. But when it’s a debate he will give his opinions and will not be scared to stand for it.

•HE IS STUBBORN. When he wants something he will always have it at the end. ALWAYS.

•He is someone who will not tolerate any form of disrespect.

•He has some difficulties to talk about his emotions. He never really did it in his life. And I don’t think it will change. He likes to keep it for himself, he doesn’t want people to know he has weaknesses (emotions are normal don’t be scared to show it). He will maybe talk about it but only with his partner or maybe his team. If it’s somebody else it’s a BIG no.

•He has bad copying mechanisms. He ghosts when he feels down, trying to avoid his feelings.

•He cares more about others then himself. He will protect his loved ones with his life if it’s needed and he will not hesitate.

•I think he likes taking care of himself too it’s just he doesn’t have time to do so. I’m sure when he is not deployed he goes to the gym everyday. It keeps him entertain and healthy.

•He hates snake. I don’t think he is scared of them but he hates them with all his guts.

———————————————————————

hope you enjoyed :)

[shinjisdone]

The many (Ph)Faces of Yandere Thorfinn (S1)

@luopenis , @jinsecho , @mitsureigen , @theknightssecrets

*INHALES DEEPLY*

OOOOKayy, I once mentioned that I find Yandere! Thorfinn so tricky to write cause he got so many phases through his arc and is a deep character. Its so HARD for me to pinpoint him anywhere CAUSE THERE IS NO WAY TO PUT HIM INTO ARCHTYPES OR CATEGORY

I MUST WRITE HIM IN CHARACTER, I MUST!

Because - just like Shrek - my boy is an onion. He's got layers.

S1!Thorfinn:

This guy is a mess. He keeps his thoughts to himself but wears his heart on his sleeve yet unfortunately, it is all the negative emotions he shows.

He has not a single problem spouting out insults and demeaning words. Looking down on people who dont think like him.

Yet that is the only time he really talks to others. Only when he spits in their face becaus he truly does not make an effort to care for others.

To be fair the "others" are vikings, a coward prince and the murderer of his father.

Still, he does not care for titles or social cues and behavior. If he doesn't like you, he is actually quiet UNTIL you provoke an answer from him. Other than that, he does not share what he is REALLY thinking.

So, lovesickness from Yandere!S1! Thorfinn??? Not likely.

Lovesickness imo is straight up floating in dreamland. Fully accepting your feelings and basking in them. But Thorfinn being like that??? Nope.

The only times he'd feel even the slightest indications of love is when he is really, really, close to you - emotionally and physically.

If you are already close, some fluttering of your eyelashes and angelic smiles won't make him swoon (he'd think you're weird) but after carefully forming a bond...and interacting with him with the intention of care might.

*slams fist on a table* Thorfinn won't blink if you get close, put a hand on him or even gently tend to his wounds. He'd do the same because injuries need to be treated in a careful, gentle manner in order for them to heal. and not die It just makes SENSE.

But doing so and then ending the treatment with a brush of your thumb over the back of his hand, GENUINELY looking worried and telling him to be careful because you care- *GASP* it's gonna do something.

It's the sincerity. This utmost genuine display of...care. Someone WANTING him to be okay. WANTING him to...still live.

Suddenly he's left sweating and hot, his heart thumping against his chest it hurts. What is this?

He startles and backs off. The feeling is foreign and he kind of grows to hate it. Usually Thorfinn contains a calm and cool head (when he isnt blinded by his emotions) but this...state truly renders him frozen.

He might slowly accept these feelings...but acceptance for him means letting go of the irritation when he feels them. When he comes to the point where he finally hugs you out of his own will, he will still feel these heartthrobs but...will not protest.

The typical 'lovesickness' doesn't really exist in Thorfinn. Never will he gush and praise you but hold you close as his unreadable gaze never seems to shift from you. Thorfinn wears his heart on his sleeve but never reveals his inner thoughts.

Clingy and stalker??? Also kinda no? How is he supposed to stalk you when you eat, sleep and travel on the same ship?

Clingy though...well, perhaps. Not in a 'Don't part from me' way but more like a 'I GOTTA MAKE SURE U DONT DIE'

And unfortunately, anyone who isn't him is an enemy in his eyes.

He's not gonna...put an arm around you or show anyone that you 'belong' to him but he's more like a shadow or dog just...behind you. And looking angry at anything that isn't you >:(

Obsessive and possesive is also tricky because S1!Thorfinn would never, ever - in a million gajillion centuries - ever admit he is in love. HE WOULD NEVER REALIZE HE HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU NEVER

Bro is so stupid. So boyish and stubborn and emotional but so dense and his head as thick as lumber that he'd legit not realize his feelings. If he ever would, he'd refuse to believe it :(

Love??? Romance??? Whats that????

He would think about you...and wants to keep you safe...

You are all he really has, after all. But it still isn't anything near obsessive or possesive. He's kinda...refusing these feelings in a way.

He is very overprotective though 👍 yet that has little to do with delusion (which he also lacks) but more about paranoia in a way? He grew up alongside his father's murderer and the war he wages and there is you, right in the middle. His overprotectiveness makes sense in the environment you both are in.

But he does put it up a notch. Goes a full 200% with his overprotectinveness that literally ANYONE is a danger. If they are meek enough he just scares them away by literally standing behind you like a shadow (as if he was tall enough to overshadow anyone) and glares at them as if one wrong inhale will mean their death.

Anyone who touches you, invited or not, gets to meet his daggers :)

It could have been the most pleasant interaction you had but he dont care :) they gonna die

Manipulation? HA

Bro only has two things in his brain: Askeladd and you.

Though he might be insistent on some things. How you are weak and he is strong, how you shouldn't trust that person and going alone in there is going to get you killed!

But none of these words are carefully picked to sway you - like the thick-headed idiot that he is, Thorfinn believes wholeheartedly all he says.

The young man is always honest. He may not share much but when he does it is always the truth in his eyes.

Sadism? HMMMMM

Maybe...but then, only the tiniest bit.

Everyone is his enemy. Yet he doesn't really bear any hatred for those that are not Askeladd.

Perhaps he will be more cruel to those that cause you harm. Prolonging their pain until he kills them. Though I think that kind of behavior of him would be 70% rage and 30% sadism.

There's a chance he might mock them as he slices their flesh slowly open.

It first starts off with threats - how dare they do this to you and how they better not ever get near you again. Never think of you, never speak your name or even breath the same air as you!

He's talking as if they are still capable of doing anything to you. Their legs have already been sliced so deep they cannot walk and Thorfinn's dagger is going in deeper and deeper as they beg for their life.

You'd think he'd be delusional there. Perhaps he is a bit...

But then it's like he snapped back to reality.

"But this is as far as you're going to go."

He slaughters them afterwards. While he does enjoy throwing out insults and threats before killing them, the fatal blow is done with utmost ire.

I can kinda imagine him as self-indulgent kinda?

Boy is uncaring and cold, very reserved. He wouldn't want to be- worhsipped or anything (its kinda embarrassing and weird?) but to have you dote on him?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm maybe it aint so bad teehee

Especially when he is tired or injured. Any kind of physical doting as he relaxes is really heehee nice

Might get soft but just a bit. He still doesn't say much but will definitely indulge in your care.

Will be a bit grumpy if you suddenly stop and purposefully lean his entire weight on you to stop you from leaving.

IF YOU LEAVE FOR ANOTHER PERSON TO LOOK AFTER/TALK TO OMG HE WILL ACTUALLY GLARE AT YOU

Thorfinn doesn't like it. To him it makes no sense why you'd need to be there for someone else when all that matters is you two. You have each other and no one else and this is how it's supposed to be.

Ok, now that I think about it, very hostile towards anyone that isn't you. Like...he actually INDULGES in the idea of only you two being here. In the world, all alone. No one else but you two.

He isn't delusional and actually BELIEVES you two to be sole survivors of everything you've gone through with the world being your playground...but the image is nice.

So no, he will not let you be with anyone else >:(

Will be more hostile to the third party then you but will also tell you to stay away from that troublemaker. Ew, look at them they aren't Thorfinn.

Kinda impulsive though. Yes, definitely. Anything that has him snap in a uhhhh violent way will be very impulsive and very bad for everyone unfortunately part of this.

It could be Askeladd, it could be a danger to you, it could be the mocking of his father - Thorfinn is easy to piss off and while his very first reaction is violence, the actions that he chooses to do right after may vary depending on the thing that made him snap.

You were hurt? Absolutely merciless as he destroys that person, no matter if bandmate or not.

Someone insulted you? They get their jaw broken with one fist.

Ok BUT - BUT BUT BUT ---- LISTEN, LISTEN!

A romantic gesture thrown at you from someone else? Uh oh.

Thorfinn doesn't really know how to react to that. He usually is more familiar with fighting and mocking. So seeing someone get close with a non-threatening intention is...different.

He knows one thing for sure though. It angers him.

Rendered frozen for a minute before he goes beserk of course.

Someone suddenly drawing you close? Hugging you? dshfpvnsdinsfbje what is the MEANING OF THIS!! WILL ABSOLUTELY GO BETWEEN YOU AND HOLD UP HIS DAGGER AT THEM

Giving you the most innocent of gifts such as flowers?

??? Whuat, what is this supposed to be???

Will take the flower from you and examine it, as if he could find anything wrong with it. DUde, its a flower.

Will clutch it tight in his hands, destroying the petals before throwing it on the ground. Such a...useless thing.

Definitely confused by all these gestures and is more perplexed by this tightening grip he feels in his heart. It...hurts and he is vexed...but thinking about it also...painful and vexing. So he doesn't.

Thorfinn doesn't reflect on his emotions and instead just acts upon them.

So YEAH LOVESICK? NO

STALKER, OBSESSIVE, POSSESSIVE, MANIPULATION THE WHOLE SPIEL OF A YANDERE???? NOPE THATS NOT REALLY THORFINN, YA KNOW?

oh BUT OVERPROTECTIVE, SELF-INDULGENT, IMPULSIVE, QUIET AND LONGING WITH A HINT OF SADISM???? I THINK SO!

omg and now think about both sad man arc thorfinn AND peaceful ponytal thorfinn;;; im sweating this guy is gonna give me a stroke of how hard i have to think about his yandere tendencies

like what are you mister???? I-i need to know

legit literally thinking about him and all the chaos he would unleash. but also....he is not your typical yandere. he gets so special over time, shedding his layers of the onion he is

[sorensolsikke]

[introduction post

bottom text]

hola, my name is soren – after that owl from the zack snyder animation movie which was probably an allegory of nazis??? – i am seventeen, hungarian, queer and audhd. i am also an alterhuman, and i have a fursona. if you are ready for the deeper shrek-like onion layers of my personality, you can find me curled up like an angry snake on the bottom of the post.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

here i am, delivering my beloved labels, only for you<3

i am pansexual, poly (but right now in a closed and comitted relationship) and genderfluid. here's a link where i explain my gender, if you are interested, and my pronouns page. anyways, please choose to use any pronouns you find suitable for me, including my neo/xenopronouns: ze/zem, sol/sols, wave/waves, abys/abyss, drae/dragos, pup/pups, bee/bees (i don't demand anyone to use them, i just like to think about myself by these).

i am a dragonkin with golden retriver hearttype, otherlinks other than cheetah and barn owl are yet to be discovered!! lately, i realized i don't like to be called nonhuman, therian or otherlink. I prefer being called alterhuman, -kin, and otherhearted, because even tho i feel disconnected from humanity itself, i'd like to embrace my own human side the same way i do with my animalistic one. here's a link for further explanation.

i am a burnt out highschooler, studying biology, can't wait to study my special interest [psychology] in a university. i make art, but usually would rather not post about it.

plus because i really love typology, my mbti is infj-t, melancholic-sanguine, enneagram is 4w5 sx/so with a strong 2, big five is RLOAI.

i like to mess around on my account, i have lots of reblogs, some og posts and i may vanish sometimes for a couple of days. this blog isn't for creating content, but for my own entertainment. my tag for original posts is #soren's hoard of words

DNI if you are a general shit of a person towards anyone who didn't hurt you or others, so if you are intolerant. DNI with mostly nsfw content. other than that, i would be happy if you interacted with me or my posts!!✨🤍✨🤍

tw: sh, healing from depression

i've spent the last couple of years with recovering from depression, different types of self harm, and generally trying not to kill myself. i have spent two weeks in a psychiatry, and i have been on therapy for five years now. i am proud that finally i can say i am doing great!! for more loredrops, stay in tuneee

(i am no fictionkin as alterhuman, but i like to collect these guys. if it's offensive towards anyone, please educate me)

[thedevilscarnival]

D'arce?

D'arce! An interesting choice!

Full analysis/rant/whatever will be under the cut

First impressions of the boob armor aside, D'arce is a character who really grows on you. She was initially very nothing to me, but (shrek voice) like an onion, she's got them damn layers, and you gotta look at her endings to really realize they're there.

People make fun of her for being a Le'garde simp, but, like, she's more than that. There's a REASON for her wanting to rip his foreskin off, and that's due to a combination of her feeling powerless in her life pre Le'gard and him giving her a sense of purpose and security that she is completely listless without. She'd be like that even if she didn't like him, I'm just sayin.

But D'arce isn't just the man she's associated with, she's her own damn human being and this barbie is an imperialist! Miss dominating soul, and all. The way she and Enki serve as foils for the two ways Alll-Mer worship is practiced in F&H intrigues me deeply. Public vs underground. Populace vs priest. Her faith gives her a means to survive and a sense of morality, but since this Jesus expy is full on a vengence god her mostly complete dismissal of those who go against her faith makes even more sense in this universe than in ours LMAO. Don't trust her around the girl though, she's one bad opium trip away from dropping her ass off a cliff after she realizes Her Origins.

It's for this that D'arce/Enki is growing on me. It wouldn't be a standard relationship, heaven's no, but it has potential, and that's the important part of things like this. They can bond over being guys who'd participate in a crucifixion together.

I don't really have D'arce pairings I'm against, besides squick stuff and crack that don't make much sense.

Anyway, my ideas of D'arce's sexuality fluctuate between "who fucking cares" and "lesbian who latched onto the most feminine man she could find and justified that", so... I'm up to different ideas!

I don't have any fics planned with miss D'arce, but I could do a character piece on her justice complex probably.

But yes. D'arce is a gaurd dog to me. You train her right and she'll die for anyone and any cause, a trait that both serves her well and drives her to absolutely insane extremes. Love her every day.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 18/04/2024

Shrek Days -Onions Ver.-

Season 4 Episode 1 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume AI

Ripped by SonicHeroesFan1

Honestly? I do still feel a little conflicted about what I wrote about All Star back in Semi-Charmed All Star. Not because I've changed my mind about that rip, far from it, it's still excellent, but because the narrative I was spinning there was about how All Star itself has become rote and boring without proper shake-ups. We can argue about the value of mashups for all of time, and it's certainly still true that All Star is one of the most overdone mashup songs of all time. But I'm not Mr Rental, I'm not going to enact Mr. Rental [B Side] ~ Out of Options on anyone: All Star mashups are fun!! They're overdone for a reason!! And, well, it would simply feel wrong to not have celebrated its twentieth anniversary during Season 4 Episode 1 of SiIvaGunner - on May 4th, 2019, we got an entire day dedicated to all things Smash Mouth, and I'd entirely forgotten just how fun it all was. Shrek Days -Onions Ver.- is only the tip of the iceberg.

To be fair, I am also sort of cheating a bit - Shrek Days -Onions Ver.- *isn't* an All Star mashup. As the penultimate rip of the event, it only makes sense to use All Star's younger relative, the second Smash Mouth song which became immortalized through appearing in the original Shrek. I'm a Believer isn't originally BY Smash Mouth, their cover was actually made specifically for Shrek's ending, but the cover has practically eclipsed the original in terms of popularity nowadays (And really, how many of you reading have ever actually HEARD the original The Monkee's version?) Smash Mouth's cover added a shot of energy and rebelliousness to the original song that made it a perfect fit for Shrek - and, indeed, the perfect song to use in paying tribute to the band's mashup popularity.

Because All Star is great, sure, but it can't do everything. The absolute sense of triumph and fun within Shrek Days -Onions Ver.- is just unmatched, and its in large part thanks to I'm a Believer - and hell, this rip even uses the original Monkee's version for a brief bit near the end! But you've seen the rip's thumbnail already, you know the other half to this bit - JOJO!!! JoJo's Bizarre Adventure!! From Crazy Noisy Beautiful Girls!! Look, yes, I still don't know much about JoJo, I'm still enjoying its music as an outsider, but DAMN is it music that I enjoy!! Great Days is an amazing song, it's absolutely no surprise to me that Great Days Fusion Collab is one of the channel's most viewed videos, and its features on SiIvaGunner are almost all fantastic, now that we're long past the ironic JoJo rips described in Hen'yoku no Piraman. Maybe its just due to a certain other Great Days rip, but its triumphant brass-driven sound and rising chorus has always made me think of the start of summer, the emergence of pure FUN ahead - something that fits Smash Mouth like an absolute glove.

I can only do so much to express how much I enjoy listening to Shrek Days -Onion Ver.- without just telling you the obvious - to go listen to it yourself! Its a mashup almost destined to make you smile, with small touches throughout - the aforementioned presence of the original The Monkee's version, yes, but also a surprise appearance of Donkey's vocals from Shrek's ending scene rounding the whole rip off for its climax! There's no better way to describe the rip, and the entire All-Star anniversary day in general, than just pure wholehearted "FUN" - a celebration of one of the grandfathers of modern mashup culture, without even a hint of irony in sight, filled to the brim with pure love for this landmark icon of the early 2000s.

[pageofheartdj]

Hi! Autistic aroace anon here!

Can I say I got all gushy when you said “I love your rants”? I’m not even sure if it was indeed for me but I was all

Also, YEAS!! Exactly!! I dislike, although I get it, how the fandom goes “they only fit in this box”, no! They’re amazing and we’re so involved with them bc they got layers!! I love rottmnt rather than any other tmnt franchise bc THEY. GOT. LAYERS!! (They’re onions, Shrek!)

It’s the first time you CAN’T define them by a word. “Oh Raph’s the violent one, leo’s the leader, Mikey’s the clown and Donnie’s the nerd”. NO! They finally went and showed who’s these characters truly are (also, kinda controversy opinion, but bayverse kinda did that as well, but not as good, they got layers there but still kinda.. not rlly) ((I love that movie but once again hate the sexual-romantic tension btw April and the turtles. Bc its always only that!!! For her to end up with Casey ANYWAY!!!))

•cough• SO! We finally get to see how Raph is still head on on stuff and kinda short fuse, but that’s bc he cares and worries and is overprotective. And with the other brothers as well, you have no idea how HAPPY I was when Donnie got in the fight and wasn’t a helpless nerd whose only trait is computers, like in the others. Yeah, he asks for help (his comedic “help! Help heeeelp!” In the giant bird episode is amazing), but it’s not only him, all of them do at some point.

They finally showed who they are and why they’re like this! So the fandom taking away this important trait of them always makes me go feral.

My memory suck but I think I remember what your asks were, so YA! =3 (Plus I think you are the only one who gives me this long asks?? I think???XD)

Like I get flanderization in fandoms, especially when there is no new material, and fans are playing so much with fanons, they kinda get lost in it too much, so they forget the canon and strip off the characters of some of their traits!

Like, 'I like this one trait/I want to explore this trait more', this is liked by many, it gets explored some more and in the end people forget that it wasn't the only trait and it wasn't even that prevalent in the first place. Like Donnie's touch aversion. Some wanted to explore it, cause autism and all that and that's fair. But after some point people forget that he is aversed like 10% of the time. Which is NOT a lot, not the way people write him 'he is in a good mood so he bares his brothers touching him for a few seconds' =/

I won't say other versions didn't explore turtles characters cause I don't remember much xD I just know the basic characterisations. And I LOVE Rises spin on them!! Raph is still hot headed and angry, but he also directs it into aggressive protection and it feels REALLY nice, not just 'I am angry cause I am' xD Like I am sure other versions are protective too, they suppose to care, but I dunno, I don't remeeember if it was explained as well as with Rise Raph x) I like Rise Leo even more cause he is much more different from other versions while still having his core characteristics, like he is smart and observant and strategic, that's so cool!!! But he was not burdened by being a leader so he is a goof, which is kind of similar to 2012 Leo xD Donnie is just. Superb in every way xD He can fight, he LIKES fighting, he LOVES creating his tech for fighting XD Mikey doesn't need to be The funny one, cause they all are <3 So he gets a bit of different role that still feels similar <3 (Can't say much about Bayvesre caaaause I just can't get behind not 2D xD That's why I just couldn't stick with 2012, barely finished S1 xD)

[the-scarlet-witch-22]

i absolutely loved Agatha day!! the episode went by so quickly, i was surprised when it ended. (and what an ending! 😳) i don’t want to say too much in case you have followers that haven’t had the chance to watch yet, but i love how we’re getting to see more of Agatha’s personality as we go. i forget which interview / preview said it, but it really feels like peeling back layers on an onion; there’s just soooo much more to her and it’s amazing. 🤩

lawyer!Agatha gets no objections, only sustaineds (which isn’t a word but 👀 i don’t know how else to say it.) i am SO looking forward to learning more about her past relationship with R, the picture you’ve created of it is intriguing and heartbreaking and i am just so very excited!

also while i’m here, thank you SO much for Lark Ascending! the ending of Chaconne was heartbreaking and beautiful and had me in tears, and i am so glad it isn’t the end for R and our favorite conductor. chapter 3 and the performance (again i don’t want to give anything away for anyone that hasn’t been able to enjoy it yet!) literally took my breath away, it was so beautifully written.

so sorry this got so long, but thank you for being amazing. 💐

The episode DID go by so quickly! I'm going to be having serious withdrawals once the show is over. Aww thank you for keeping it spoiler free! I know a few of my followers haven't watched yet so I appreciate it!! I really love how much we're learning about Agatha. I find every aspect of her character to be so fascinating- there's so much under the surface that she has buried sooooo far deep down. Now she's without her powers- without that crutch she's been leaning on for so long, I'm very interested in seeing her having to face what she's been running from. It's definitelyyy similar to peeling back the layers of an onion (I forget which interview that came from as well, but I loved it and it gave me major Shrek vibes lmao).

Hahaha no I followed what you were saying! I will say, I have to do a lot of googling with some of the terminology I'm using for Love & Liabilities because my current law experience is the LSAT and Legally Blonde. I'm so glad you're excited! I will say, this is a lot more angst filled than anything I've dipped into writing before. I'm very excited to keep updating though!!

Oh my gosh, thank you so much <3 Chaconne was so special to me. Writing that ending gave me a lot of closure from various things and I'm grateful it's resonated with some other people as well. Lark is definitely a different vibe, but I love writing Agatha as a conductor sooo much. I know au's aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I enjoy thinking about how characters would interact in different situations with some minor, some major changes and how that impacts them. Rambling, haha, but I hope you enjoy the conclusion of the arc!! <3

Thank you so much for the ask, I truly appreciate it and you! I hope all is well xoxo <3

[pizzawendell]

Shrek Is Good, Actually

This is not what Shrek is about. Shrek is about superficiality. 

The obvious aspect of this is how people judge each other by their appearances. Shrek is judged for being an ogre and people don’t like him. Fiona is judged for her curse and is afraid that Shrek will do the same. Farquad is obsessed with cleanliness and having the ‘perfect’ kingdom, even though he is a little bobblehead man. Shrek says onions have layers because on the inside we’re all beautiful. It’s a classic anti-cinderella story. Pretty simple stuff, if fairly against the grain in 2001. I won’t dwell on this too much because it’s fairly obvious and something that you can get from most post-Shrek kids movies.

However, this movie has layers. Sure Shrek and Fiona are fine just the way they are and we should all learn to love each other despite our appearances, but the movie has more to say than that. This isn’t even a particularly deep reading; this is very much explicitly in the text. The characters in Shrek all use the misconceptions other people have about them to hide from things they don’t want to understand about themselves. They are all afraid to be known- most of all by themselves. The clearest and most explicit example is Shrek himself. 

Shrek

Shrek starts off the movie living alone in his swamp. He has signs up all around which declare ‘danger: ogre’ etc with scary pictures all around. As the opening credits roll, a mob of villagers group together to go and kill Shrek because they believe that he is dangerous. He goes on to use their fear of him against them to get them to flee. The first scene of the film is Shrek using what people think they know about him to push people away and stay alone- which is what he tells himself that he wants. 

Shrek then meets Donkey, who persistently refuses to accept Shrek’s claim that he wants to be alone. 

Shrek: Listen, little donkey, take a look at me! What am I?

Donkey: Ah... really tall?

Shrek: No! I'm an OGRE! You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?

Donkey: Nope.

Shrek: Really?

Donkey: Really, really.

We pretty quickly see that Donkey is right to think that Shrek does actually want to have friends, he just doesn’t want to admit it. 

Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with ME! People take one look at me and go "Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me - that's why I'm better off alone...

Donkey: You know, Shrek... when we first met, I didn't think you were a big, stupid, ugly ogre.

Shrek: Yeah, I know.

By the time they get to Fiona’s tower Shrek actively goes out of his way to save Donkey. As Shrek and Fiona begin to fall in love, Shrek and Donkey become genuinely close friends. When Shrek overhears what he thinks is Fiona calling him a 'big, stupid, ugly ogre' he reflexively reverts to pushing people away. He hasn't actually unlearned his belief that he is unlovable, merely temporarily put it to the side. This leads to the argument which holds the emotional core of the movie.

Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!

Donkey identifies Shrek's layers as the thing truly holding him back. Shrek knows that he's more than just a scary ogre, but he thinks of that perception as an outer layer which he uses for protection. However, he's so wrapped up in it that he can't actually escape. He has pretended for so long that he has come to believe it. Shrek does not deliberately draw on Frantz Fanon here, but there are parallels which we can draw. 

To be clear, Shrek isn't about colonialism or racism (beyond some of its broadest strokes). Rather, Fanon's psychological argument that oppression can be a dialectic which ultimately causes the oppressed to internalise some aspects of how they are perceived by their oppressor is relevant to Shrek's behaviour. His relationship with the outside world has caused him to subconsciously believe things which he thought he was only accepting out of convenience. By attempting to use superficiality to our advantage we weaponise it equally against ourselves.

Love

How then, asks Shrek, do we escape? The answer is emphatic: through love. Only by loving others and allowing them to love us back can we step outside of our superficialities and truly self actualise. We see this when Donkey issues his final refusal to allow Shrek to push him away.

Shrek: If I treat you so badly, then why did you come back, huh?

Donkey: Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER!

Donkey offers his unconditional forgiveness for the ways Shrek has hurt him. He does this for no other reason than the fact that he loves Shrek. This forces Shrek to confront the fact that he is genuinely loveable. This makes it possible for him to believe Donkey when he tells him that Fiona isn't disgusted by him and resolve to stop her sham marriage to Farquad. Donkey's love allows Shrek to see himself from outside his warped self perception.

Fiona

Fiona's journey mirrors Shrek's. Rather than keeping people away emotionally with physical and emotional ugliness, she does it with beauty and propriety. Fiona only allows people to see her when she is in her human form (which we eventually find out is not her 'true' form). When Shrek first meets her she acts 'properly' by expecting him to wake her with a kiss and recite a poem. She also offers him a favour, which he uses to wipe away his sweat. All of this serves to stop people from knowing who she truly is, which is her greatest fear.

Just like Shrek, Fiona can only escape the emotional prison she has built for herself by allowing someone who loves her to truly know her. On the journey back to Farquad's castle she starts to believe that this could be Shrek. She starts to open up in small ways. She shows him that she enjoys the same foods as him, that she can fight like he can. However, their misunderstanding causes her to revert to her usual defence mechanism. When he pushes her away and she believes that this is because of her true form, Fiona begins to act how a princess is expected to again. It takes Shek storming the wedding and publically declaring that he loves her for Fiona to accept herself for who she really is. Shrek and Fiona’s kiss is therefore the most literal manifestation of love conquering superficiality, as Fiona transforms permanently into an ogre in front of the whole kingdom while it takes place.

Farquad

There is one character who does not escape his superficilaity and it kills him. Farquad spends all of Shrek tring to hide his percieved inadequacies with appearances. Farquad banishes the fairytale creatures to the swamp because they aren’t perfect enough. He has machines which immediately tell new arrivals that Duloq is not only perfect, but that it has strict rules. When he appears at the tournament he is deliberately positioned so that his height is obscured. Most significantly, he sends Shrek on his quest because he wants to officially be king. There is no reason for him to want this beyond the superficial trappings of the title. He clearly has total control over Duloq and he never shows any interest in having a romantic partner. 

The tragedy of this is that Farquad is trying to cover up the fact that he is very short. Compared to every other human we see in the Shrek series, Farquad is very very short. Since this sets him apart from most humans, he is in many ways closer to the fairytale creatures than to his own people. The irony of the fact that it is Farquad who thinks of himself as so much better than people like Shrek and Donkey is repeatedly signalled by people making fun of him for his height. When he banishes the creatures it seems to partly be a manifestation of a degree of self loathing. Farquad clearly hates to see himself as he truly is (he literally threatens a mirror into showing him what he wants to see) and seeing other people who don’t conform to society’s expectations reminds him too much of himself. 

Farquad externalises his self hatred by trying to make everything around him perfect, no matter who it hurts. He can only make his kingdom superficially perfect, but this will never make up for the fact that he can never change what he truly dislikes about himself. The villain of Shrek is too far gone. He cannot be saved by love because he has created a political system which prevents anyone from truly knowing him. We see this at his wedding when guests are told how to emotionally react. No one can sincerely know Farquad and love him for who he is because anyone who might can never get close enough. In the end, we see the consequence of this: his death. 

Conclusion

This is not a particularly deep reading of Shrek. In fact, I would argue that this is the explicit message of the film. There are more subtextual readings, though. For one, there is the queer subtext which only gets stronger in Shrek 2. Shrek has deeper layers still about fascism, myth and, of course, Disney. Not everyone likes Shrek and that’s fine. You don’t have to like it if it’s not your thing. However, what I will not abide is anyone slandering this film by calling it vacuous. Shrek is a truly delightful story which tells its viewers to revel in who they are, to love and be loved and to know and be known. 

[roberrtphilip]

hey man what are the philips dressing up as for halloween this year 👀

(bonus points if you tell me about their First halloween together !!!)

ah man, with Giselle around they have the Best costumes, like I just know she goes all out with everyone's clothes. Their first Halloween, Robert said they could just go out and buy something and she was so offended.

I feel like Sofia always wants to be something random/odd, something that even if they wanted to buy it, they might not be able to find it. Like, one year she wanted to be Adam Flayman from Bee Movie. Why? Who knows, she just likes that silly bee, and Giselle is certainly not going to deny her baby anything. This year she was torn on whether or not she wanted to be an onion or a coat hanger, but went with the onion, which works out well bc it means Giselle can force Robert to be Shrek while she gets to be Fiona.

As for their first Halloween, I love the idea of them being Ariel, Eric, and Melody from the Little Mermaid. Robert really didn't want to dress up and was going to just leave the fun to Giselle and Morgan, but they were having absolutely none of that and he got lucky bc Eric's costume is pretty basic. After that, I feel like they'd usually all match in some way, with Morgan maybe straying a few times, but Giselle and Robert always matched.

When Morgan eventually deemed herself "too old" for dressing up, Giselle would make sure everyone in the apartment building knew they could come to their unit for candy, so they'd have a few trick or treaters stop by, and she always enjoyed that.

Now that they have a house, Giselle goes crazy with decorating, and leaves a bunch of candy out for kids while they leave with Sofia. Everyone in Monroeville knows the Philip house is the house to go for the best candy (and does this make Malvina mad? a little bit, but she tries not to be jealous). If/when Sofia decides she's too old for trick or treating, Giselle and Robert know they'll continue to dress up and pass out candy.

[miasmadelights]

From the questions, I’d love to know the answer to 5, 8 and 19

So shall it be done, dear asker. #5. What aspect of farts do you enjoy the most? (sound, smell, sensation, "gross" factor, etc.) Just thinking about how to describe it for you makes me wet, not gonna lie. I love many aspects to this wonderful kink, but if you can believe it, it's the sensation of expelling it that really does it for me. The way it feels rippling out of your asshole That orgasmic expression on someone's face as they feel that relief farting provides. How freeing it feels to cast off the shackles of holding it in. Especially if there is someone else there to "appreciate" it. All this to say that obviously, sound and smell matters, otherwise I'd hypothetically could feel this way about any bodily function outside of just straight up cumming, but strictly speaking, it's just farts that do it for me. #8: How do you feel about smell? Do you have a preferred type of stench? To an extent, I did answer this question already during question 16, but I can expand upon it for your benefit here. I believe smell is a powerful part of experiencing farts and that there are certain...preferences on that front. I have unfortunately not had the privilege to smell someone's farts up close, face against their ass in real life, but I know that the spicier farts, like that of rotting onions or funkier farts like that of expensive cheese are my favourites. I suppose it's because they seem the closest to my own brand. Even when I was young, I could best describe my farts as smelling like BBQ chips. (I wonder if farting in a bag of them would enhance the flavour?)

#19. When did you know you had this kink? What triggered it?

Of all the questions on this list, I was hoping this would be asked at some point. I will say this also covers question 14 to an extent, so lucky you gets two for the price of one with this answer. I grew up with plenty of media geared towards kids that showcased fart humour. Now I hated this as a kid, and I despise it even more so now, but certain moments planted themselves into my brain like tiny seeds. An episode of Grossology here where the fart-based villain describes his tragic fart based backstory, a scene in The Benchwarmers there where some kid experiences a "Beef Stew". But I must give the dubious honour of what moment struck with me most of all, to the opening scene in Shrek 2. Where Shrek and Fiona are in a mud bath together, lit by jars of trapped fairies. Shrek of course farts and gets a little embarrassed, but then Fiona, without any shame, responds with a fart of her own. And then the two of them proceed to fart in the mud bath, turning it into a jacuzzi, as the fairies struggle with the smell. And as much as this is meant to be a humorous scene, it was also kinda romantic? And it was that image in mind the day I released an incredibly bubbly fart that couldn't escape my panties properly, and instead travelled the other way around, exploding against my pussy. That was the moment an irreversible connection to the pleasure of farting to the pleasure of sex was made for me all those years ago. It's been over a decade since then.

Didn't expect this post to get this long, but I do hope these answers were a pleasure to read, dear asker. Keep these questions coming!

[gmanwhore]

what friend do. They forgive each other! Oh, yeah. You're right Donkey. I forgive you for stabbing me in the back! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy. You're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away. -See? There you are, doing it again. Just like you did it to Fiona. And all she ever do, was like you. Maybe even love you. Love me? She said I was ugly! A hideous creature. -I heard that you two were talking. -She wasn't talking about you. She was talking about... ...somebody else. She wasn't talking about me? Well then, who was she talking about? No way, I'm not saying anything. You won't listen to me, right? Right? -Donkey. -No! Ok, look. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big stupid, ugly Ogre. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's the friends are for, right? -Right. -Friends? -Friends. So? What did Fiona said about me? Why are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her. The wedding! We'll never make it in time! Never fear! For where there is a will, there is a way. And I have I way. Donkey? -I guess this is just my act of magnetism. -Oh, come here, you. All right. All right. Don't get all started. No one likes kissass. All right, hop on. Hold on tight. I hadn't have a chance to install seat belts, yet. People of Duloc. We gather here today to bear witness to reunion of our new king... Excuse me. Could you just skip ahead to "I do's"? Go on. Go ahead and have some fun, if we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait a minute. You want to do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -It's the line, it's the line you got to wait for. The priest is going to say: "Speak now or forever hold your peace". And that's where you say: "I object". -I don't have time for this. -Wait, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You want to hold her! -Yes. -Please her! -Yes! Then you got to, got to try a little tender love. -The chicks love that romantic crap. -All right. Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? We got to check it out. And as so by the power of these two... What do you see? -I now pronounce you... -There they go! -...he all ready said it. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'. I object! Shrek? Oh, now what does he want? Hi, everyone. Having a good time, aren't you? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive, when no one wants you. But showing up uninvited to a wedding... -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? Well it's a little late for that. So if you'll excuse me. -But you can't marry him! -And why not? Because, because he's just marrying you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -What do you know about true love? -Well, I ...I'm in... Oh, this is precious. The Ogre has fallen in love with the princess. Laugh. Shrek. Is this true? Who cares. It's preposterious. Fiona, my love, we gonna kiss away for our happily ever after. Now kiss me! By night one way, by day another. I wanted to show you before. Well. That explains a lot. Oh. It's disgusting. Guards, guards. I order you to get them out of my sight. -Now! Get them! Get them, both! -No! This marriage is minding, and that makes me king. See? See? -Shrek! -No. -Don't just stand there, you dogs. -Get out of my way. No! Shrek! -And as for you my wife. -Fiona! I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I will have order. I will have potential. I will have... All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm a donkey on the edge! Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? Go ahead Shrek. -Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? I love you. Really? Really, really. I love you too. A time for true love's first kiss... Fiona? Fiona? Are you all right? Yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. But you are beautiful. I was hoping this would be a happy ending. God bless us, everyone.

What in the fresh hell

[ariminiria]

What things did Netflix change in Witcher Season 2 that alot of people and Henry Cavill didn't like?

A lot of stuff was just out of character for many of the characters for one, such as Eskel. The casting was all wrong, for one. He's supposed to look like the human version of Shrek, not some scraggly whiny baby with hair shaped like an onion. He's also supposed to have a quieter personality, and they made him into such an asshole, and also he's not supposed to be dead???

Also they tried to make Geralt joke about the death of his beloved horse Roach and Henry fought very hard against that.

Coen? He's not a Wolf witcher, he's from the Griffin school in the games and the story he first appeared in.

Also, the number of Wolf witchers was way out of proportion, the sacking of Khaer Morhen essentially left all of them dead but Vesemir, Lambert, Geralt, and Eskel, and maybe a couple others. Lambert was the most in character witcher. Idk what was up with the "medallion tree", unless it's something from the books I haven't gotten to yet but I doubt it.

There's one other big thing but I just absolutely cannot remember it right now. I had it, then got distracted typing up the other stuff and forgot. I'll add it in a reblog if it comes back to me. Witcher loving mutuals also feel free to add on.

It may seem like a lot of small stuff, but much like Amazon's fanfiction, all that small stuff piles up, and the sheer amount of little things that are wrong really demonstrates the lack of respect for the source material.

[criticalsucc]

9, 13, 58, 61, 62, 73 ?

😊💛💖

9: Describe your perfect mate

Someone who is smart, patient, compassionate, understanding, non-judgemental. Someone who knows themselves well and who knows what they want. Someone who can think deeply about complex concepts, but who can also be silly and ridiculous. Someone who is quirky and maybe a bit eccentric, but also knows how to stay grounded when it's appropriate. Someone who has something new to show me and finds joy in sharing it with me. Someone who can express themselves well and make their thoughts and feelings clear. Someone who loves sex and isn't shy about it. Someone who gives love and affection easily. Someone who makes it clear they want me in their life.

Also, absolutely stunning eyes. I wanna feel like I'm descending into some kind of tripped out fantasy realm whenever she looks at me. I want to see the void and I want to see the stars when we make eye contact. When I catch her gaze I want to feel like I've discovered a secret humans were never meant to know, but it's too late to back out now. I want to be captivated and mesmerized and completely disarmed in her sight. I want her to make me feel like she unravels the very fiber of my being with but a simple flick of the eye.

How did I just write an entire paragraph about your eyes lol

13: Do you get jealous easily?

I'll say no, but it also depends on context. It's about what our dynamic is and how my partner treats me. I will not say I'm immune to jealousy. But to get jealous I would have to feel like I'm not being treated fairly, or that I'm being used, like my potential partner is flippant with their affections and not being clear with me where we stand while also flaunting the fact that they are putting the moves on someone else. But that's what I've found to be really freeing about the idea of polyamory, that I can have a partner that will continue to choose me even when they have also chosen others. To feel like I'm just as important as anyone else (which obviously takes work and doesn't just happen on its own, but we are assuming the relationship is a good healthy one here). Then it's much easier to not be jealous.

58: What are five ways to win your heart?

Make me feel safe. I have a lot of insecurities left over from past experiences so I can sometimes be a bit guarded. But if you make me feel safe enough to drop that guard, I will like you a lot.

Make your feelings clear. I don't want to have to guess about the way someone feels about me. And I'm not always good at picking up on cues. I need verbiage.

Be consistent. I've got a lot of pain left over from people with fickle feelings. Show me and remind me that your interest in me is clear and will not blow away with the wind.

Give me passion. Make me feel like a prize. When you notice me struggling with self-doubt, reassure me that you want me because I'm oh so very wantable.

Go deeper than the surface. I hate to use the Shrek metaphor but I'm an onion. I have a lot of layers. I need someone who wants to cut through them all and welcomes the tears that may follow (probably my tears from being Seen lol).

61: What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Physically, I'm going to have to be cliché and say eyes 😂 Or hair maybe.

For personality, something that makes me think I might be compatible with someone would be earnestness. Just how ready are you to be open and honest about your feelings?

62: What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Honestly, talk me through an orgasm while I'm fucking them. Just like, tell me you want it. Make me feel like it's something you need from me. Hold onto me and say "cum for me" when I'm at climax. Just typing it out is causing movement in my underwear 😅

73: What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Honestly just tell me you want to spend time with me. I've never been on a romantic date though. So I'd love to be taken on a date.

Thank you so much for these lovely questions Stardust 😊♥️💜💛💖