#i just realised i could have gone with two songs...... theres one literally called the opioid diaries.......

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

Doing research for my presentation, translating the weirdest niche stuff. Like "FDA approval" and various types of opioids/opium-based medications and drugs. Well, some time in I realise that I've said the word opioids like ten times in a row constantly before. Turns out I did a really similar presentation three years ago. (Not similar enough to copy, but, y'know.) Guess sometimes you just return to certain topics.

[myheadphonesareneverloudenough]

Nerdy Prudes Must Die; musical motifs

i have so many thoughts about Nerdy Prudes Must Die and specifically the musical motifs used throughout. so buckle up, i want to talk. (theres a whole breakdown under the cut.)

so, if you didn't know already, Jeff Blim is a musical genius. and in the Hatchetfield universe, theres so many musical motifs that get used in every show. but there's one in particular that i don't know what to call it, but i'm gonna say it's 'the nerds' theme'. it's this one right here;

i've heard some call it Pete's theme, which is wrong. this specific melody is the theme of Pete, Richie, and Ruth's self worth and their inescapable tragedies. when we meet the three friends, it's very obvious that they see themselves at the bottom of the high school food chain. the nerds have accepted that they are worthless and will amount to nothing in school, because that is where society has placed them. it's as simple as Pete's song Cool As I Think I Am. he very literally does not see himself as valuable as the other students. but when that idea shifts from Cool As I Think I Am to Cool As She Thinks I Am, suddenly we have Pete realising his self worth, and the motif shows up;

and right after that, Pete is beat up in a parking lot by Max Jägerman. Pete's own self worth can only go so far when you have people like Max denying it constantly.

so now there's lyrics to this motif, and yes, Pete is the first one to sing it. But that doesn't make it any less Ruth and Richie's.

just like Pete, Richie finds his self worth in the acceptance from others. Once Max is gone and Richie makes friends with the football team, he realises how great it is to be alive. he realises that he deserves to be alive.

when Max comes to kill him, Richie justifies his self worth with the motif that returns for him this time, not Pete;

now they're not his final words, but Richie dies after declaring, "I'm Not A Loser". when he finally gets some self worth, he is murdered and never gets to fulfil that worth.

Ruth's self worth is a little different. she views her worthlessness as unfair. she believes that if she was different, she could be something great. unlike Pete and Richie, Ruth really shows that she has bigger dreams. Ruth wants to be the star of the show. she wishes to be appreciated, and her ungodly horniess can honestly be seen as a metaphor for wanting to be loved. Ruth sings about her self worth in the most Ruth way, with her own number in the BBQ Monologues.

the climax of the song (which Lauren kills, btw) the motif comes back again in the background. This time, it's for Ruth and her self worth;

does the fact that Ruth's version of the motif doesn't include the 'im not a loser' lyrics have to do with Ruth having more belief in herself? that she doesn't need to explain she isn't a loser because she knows she isn't a loser and deserves to have a chance in the spotlight? i sure as hell think so.

but Max kills her immediately after. he stops her from ever living out her big dreams of being a star.

the motif comes back again, obviously, in the reprise of Cool As I Think I Am;

the lyrics change this time around, and Pete sings 'you have to do it', which is him telling Steph that she has to be the one to kill him. despite Pete learning how to have self worth throughout this whole show, he still views himself as expendable. could this be justified with the fact that his two best friends just had their hopes and dreams shattered in death? probably. the point is, at some point during Max's killing spree, the death of his best friends, and the summoning of the Lords in Black, Pete has managed to convince himself that he's worthless again.

now. in the end, it feels like a happy ending due to the nature of The Best of You, but there are still a lot of loose ends to be explored. and on top of all that, the Nerds' motif comes back one last time;

because Grace kept the Black Book and continued to use it, and the Lords in Black are far from fair, i think Pete's torment and tragic narrative is not over by the end of NPMD.

so yeah. Pete, Richie, and Ruth are 'doomed by the narrative', as are most people in Hatchetfield. but these three characters are specifically doomed by their own self worth, and the narrative will never let them truly become their true selves.

and Jeff Blim wrote a banger melody to tell that story.

[sophaeros]

I think I'm hf in the exact same thing as you rn I just found your blog I am also obsessed with band rpf and Casablanca's/hammond jr do u have a kind of manifesto or anything I can read

dude did one of my irls send this or smth..i was literally Just talking about putting together a masterdoc and they were egging me on BSJFJWBS. i mean i'm kinda working on one but no promises bc im terrible w long term projects and also theyre very difficult to figure out

BUT i Will say (and i've seen other random people online agree w me) i think the general timeline is that during the seven years they lived together from 1998 to 2005 jules was down bad for albert but albert didn't realise his own feelings, so the most that might've happened is some fooling around physically. (this is mainly going off of this page from the meet me in the bathroom book where jules says "albert, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, baby!" insane quote. i could talk a little more about their full quotes but that's another post)

sometime between 2005 and 2013 (possibly 2011 tbh, comedown machine is The gay situationship album but angles touches on it a lot too) they dated twice and broke up both times. im not sure who broke up w who but tentatively i would say the first breakup was more acrimonious while the second breakup might've been mutual.

it's difficult to say anything for sure because most of their songs have songwriting credits shared with other people, so looking at lyrics for clues has a pretty big margin of error since a line might've been written by someone else and not them, yknow? i mean rpf is never a "for sure" kind of deal i could be entirely wrong and that would be fine but. you get what i mean

also one way trigger is the lynchpin for me. i physically cannot imagine a platonic explanation for this poster that uses a screenshot from thelma and louise of all films. not to mention the lyrics like even my Mom raised an eyebrow at "get dressed in your bed while she's asleep." and also it's one of two strokes songs albert has ever played solo with the other being elephant song (at least according to setlistfm, im still trying to find a video of it) (edit 12/08/2034: setlistfm lied to me he did not play elephant song 💔💔💔💔) which was written, surprise surprise, by albert and julian in 1999.

i mean i guess the poster could be them fucking around and having a little laugh but come on what an insane ass joke to make man. i'm gonna make a post later about one way trigger being their specialest little song because it really is

soo like..theres still more i could talk about like one way trigger being written by the albert julian nick trio (which makes me laugh imagining nick mediating their lovers quarrel) [EDIT: ACTUALLY WAIT NO ok it's hard to find definitive information on who wrote what bc different databases have information of varying precision but the canadian site socan which is the most precise so far says only albert and jules wrote the lyrics for one way trigger i'd misremembered. albert julian nick trio Did do call it fate tho which is still kinda crazy !! also jules and albert being the only ones to do one way trigger makes me crazier jesus christ why is this depressing ass song Their Song !!!!] which is the same trio as games from angles. theres a lot i've been thinking about them nonstop for like, what, a month? give or take? my poor friends have to deal w me sending dozens of messages at a time much love and light to them if they read this muah

and thank you for the excuse to be insane on main anon 🥰

[shiningliive]

7th Stage Set List Speculation 

Tumblr hates tall images so please click to see in higher quality!

I put way too much time and effort into thinking up a possible set list for 7th stage, and I’m sure it’ll be way off, but I’m curious how close I can get. Some clarifications, other ideas, and explanations below the read more. Be warned, it’s very long.

*This is not an official set Utapri 7th Stage list, just speculation.

Basic Layout:

1. This is all assuming they want something similar-ish to Maji Love Kingdom, plus solos and other recent songs. I didnt want to just copy the Maji Love Kingdom set list and whack some solos in there

2. Another order I considered was similar to the 5th stage layout where they did ‘character 1 solo, character 2 solo, character 3 solo, song they did together.’ I do think this is definitely possible for 7th stage, and if they do do this, it could be, for example, Tokiya solo, Cecil solo, Yamato solo, Colourfully Spark. I mainly didnt use this for my primary example because I figured it might be odd if they arent doing Quartet Night Solos. 

3. Not very notable, but I also placed the solos in the order the boys are usually in (Otoya, Masato, Natsuki, Tokiya, Ren, Syo, Cecil) with the matching Heavens order. 

4. I did my best to not have too much focus on one group to the point where you dont see another at all until the second half or later. This happened with 6th stage with Heavens not even being introduced until an hour and 45 minutes in. There is a bit of a gap without Quartet Night as Heavens and Starish do their solos, but I feel like this is a bit unnavoidable, and tried to counterbalance it by having the shining masterpiece songs (no heavens) before the solos. 

5. Of this speculative set list, I consider Setsugetsuka-Michibiki Hikari to be the first half, and Up Down Up-Welcome to Utapri Kingdom (just realised I wrote welcome to utapri world in the graphic but you get me) to be the second half. This doesnt matter too much, but it could be split this way across discs or have an interlude inbetween. There are less songs in the ‘second half’ but it does end up being around the same length when you consider we usually get about 2 20 minute talks at the end.

Explanations:

1. I didnt include Quartet Night songs for a few reasons. Mainly because they dont have any new ones released lately and there have already been two QN only lives with qnlf being the most recent main live since 6th stage. It’s certainly possible that they might include some repeats of older QN solos, but this set list is already at the same length and amount of songs as 6th stage, so it would add enough extra time to make 7th stage too long. 

2. Obviously I didnt include a Nagi solo because Wingu isn’t able to attend 7th stage. I assumed this would not affect other song selections and that they will likely have other members fill in for his parts in group songs.

3. I was unable to figure out which new set of solos for Heavens and Starish they would use. I didn’t decide the ones used for any particular reason, so I wouldn’t at all be surprised if different solos than I wrote are used. 

4. I used Setsugetsuka as the opener song, because I thought it would not only allow for special outfits to be worn by Starish and Quartet Night that could be chanegd after their introductions, but it also saved time (instead of having one starish song and one QN song, theyre combined). It’s not quite an exciting booming start to the live, but it is a very well loved song by the fandom that hasnt been performed yet, and the first few notes are very recognisable. I can also imagine it fading nicely into a Heavens group song  I’m not sure about this choice, but I couldnt quite shake the idea, so I kept it. Wouldn’t be surprised if they started with the same three group songs as Maji Love Kingdom though. 

5. In general, I tried to consider things like outfit changes, the time of each song, having a first and second half that can be split onto two discs for dvd/bluray release, and most importantly perhaps, not having the same seiyuu perform too many times in a row to avoid them getting too exhausted.

6.  I found it very hard to place Encore. Unlike a lot of the other Mamo songs, it isnt exactly a hype, exciting song to start off a live (after the initial group songs) but it also doesnt really work in the middle after the solos, or towards the end. Having the song be called ‘encore’ and being played during the credits of Maji Love Kingdom really give that vibe that it should be an encore song.

7. I don’t think they would want 4 Quartet Night+Starish joint songs without Heavens (as it would cause a bit of an imbalance) so I figure they might do either the Shining CD 2 songs or the upcoming Black/White songs that are released shortly before the live. For now I’ve gone with Wonder Rondo and Dancing Over Night because we dont know the length of the Black/White songs.

 “Things that would be cool but probably won’t happen”:

1. I placed Encore towards the start of my set list, but theres something that I would love to see, no matter where its placed. If the song starts with Mamo singing, as expected, until about 30 seconds in when slowly all other seiyuu would walk on stage and join in. This would allow the song to be used as an encore with all seiyuu, or just help build variety and excitement to an otherwise (albeit intense) but slower more emotional song. It also lines up well with the songs build itself as well as the MV that slowly includes more and more people. 

2. More special outfits for Setsugetsuka and the Shining Masterpiece songs and more special outfits/performances in general. I think this is the reason why previous performances like Koizakura and other Shining Theatre songs are so memorable.

3. Pretty sure this one is almost 100% not happening, but, I want Sawashiro Miyuki as a guest to sing Maigo no Kokoro, Haru’s solo song from the first season of the anime. It’s so often forgotten, but its a beautiful song. This would also serve as a nice interlude for the boys to have an outfit change or change staging etc. 

4. I feel like there should maybe be a third encore song, but I couldnt choose a good one. It feels odd to not have 1000% or 2000%, so a version of them with all three groups is possible. If they are going to have a new version of an older song, I feel like a Mirai Chizu would be a great choice. Not only does it suit an encore (emotionally and lyrically speaking), but they haven’t performed it since 1st stage, and I feel like it could work really well with all groups together. Or it could be some kind of new medley or song entirely. 

5. Of course, there are 3 big things we’d all like to see announced at 7th stage. These being: a 5th season of the anime or some kind of sequel, Dolce Vita news, and a large scale update to shining live (eg, adding Heavens.)

Stats of my set list:

1. The total song time of my set list is 2 hours and 20 minutes with an hour and a half of extra time including a shining dancers or other interlude, introduction video, talks, about 5-10 seconds inbetween songs, audience encore call, and goodbyes. 

2. The final time of this set list would be about 3 hours and 48 minutes. 

3. For the performance on the 18th for example, doors open at 2pm, and 7th stage begins at 4:30. With this set list, it seems like it would end at about 8:15-8:30pm which allows for enough time to exit the dome before 9:00pm.

4. There are 33 songs in this set list (one talk is incorrectly labeled as an extra song in the graphic) which is the same as 6th stage.

For anyone who’s gotten this far, thank you. This is literally essay length and I wrote it in 50 minutes. It was a lot of fun thinking up this set list, so I’m excited to see if im at all accurate, or 100% wrong. Either way I’m so excited to see the actual set list. 

[maximuswolf]

Is there anything I can do on my side to help with this? via /r/BPD

Is there anything I can do on my side to help with this?

First attempt at committed relationship need advice

I’m a 28m I’ve been with my partner 36f for around a year and a half It’s been full of short lived highs followed by many lows My background: I don’t have great relationship experience myself I never actually wanted a committed relationship until me and my ex broke ( we started as fwb ended up getting on amazingly well and had a very strong team like relationship going on , eventually it dawned on me that things were getting very serious and she has two of her own kids , I wasn’t ready for that lifestyle so we agreed to part ways) after that I felt I was truly ready to go for a committed relationship in line with my life goals (plans to travel) , before this I actively didn’t want a relationship I was more into fwb arrangements , I’d had a couple of relationships in my late teens/early twenties which i pretty much just ended up in knowing I was ready for it yet , none of them were bad relationships I’d ended them due to me knowing it’s not what I wanted (I’m aware I’m an asshole for entering them in the first place)

Her background: In her teens she started a 10 year relationship which was nothing other than abusive , constant cheating on both sides it was constant hurt and abuse according to her , she then had a few relationships which haven’t really been spoken about in between and then she met her ex at work who she’d been with for 10 years , she said she new from the off she didn’t love him or what they had and he didn’t have the lifestyle she wanted (they’d work together , come home and sit infront of the tv all evening on repeat) she said it was just easy , other things to note she doesn’t get on with her parents

Fast forward: She started working at my place and we got on like a house on fire , she didn’t tell me she had a boyfriend but I’d heard it from someone else and found it on her Facebook (she wasn’t aware I knew) so I ended up backing off abit , she then started getting really friendly with another guy at work who’s the same age , same shape ,same hair/beard style , similar interests as me and would actively flirt heavily with him infront of me , I didn’t react.. she then went out with him to a festival/met his mom and at work that week she told the guys I work with about it knowing they’d tell me (she eventually admitted this) once I found out I reacted by giving up on the idea of me and her , later that week she turns up at my house saying she did it to see if I get jealous so she knows if I like her , I told her I do and that’s when she confessed she has a bf and needs to leave him , after this she started to tel me how much the other lad at work fancies her/is in love with her (she’d constantly becoming to me saying all the things he’d said and playing the love songs to me that he’d sent her all with a massive grin trying to get a reaction but I knew what she was doing so never reacted) that just got worse and she started meeting him more , I confronted her on it after the 3rd or 4th time and said if this happens again I’m done it’s so disrespectful towards me and I will not tolerate it , she agreed and said she can see how wrong it is and how sorry she is for it and that’s it’s bad what she was doing to him as this lad really really liked her , a week later she’s back saying she’s met him again and I said were done , I managed to keep out her way for abit but she kept trying and trying with me until I gave In, on top of that everytime I was around her at work around another male she’d be talking heavy sexual stuff and I could see she was going extra knowing I was there , I called her out on this

After that things became seriously intense between us , she’d told me all about her traumas in life , literally everything about her expecting me to do the same , I found it strange but thought due to the intensity of the love I’ll do the same , there was a lot of strange deep questions from the off , but everything felt like a true love story during this period and almost felt unreal , after about 4 months things took a major turn , constant off and on behaviour at any moment I could change between one or the other , it almost seems as if it comes in cycles I’ll get a few weeks of her been okayish followed by a month of heavy off and on heavy short intense moments of love followed by complete offness until I finally explode (I stopped reacting/pointing out what she was doing and tried to accept her for who she is until it would become to much) I was then been told I was manipulating, gaslighting , controlling , when I’d ask how there be zero response just complete silence when I’d ask how I’m doing any of this , she’d always say these things to me just after she’d been doing them and I’d give her straight examples of how she was being manipulative, gaslighting controlling ect (I learnt the terms from her), another example she was convinced she is a physcopath , eventually she started to say she thinks I’m one and it would make me burst out laughing each time she said I was one , from that each time I’d laugh she’d start crying and saying don’t take the mick out of me so I stopped laughing and eventually started to believe that I’m a physcopath, after a short bit of research this is exactly we’re I learnt what projection was , since her going to therapy she finally has realised she’s not a physcopath and hasn’t said I’m one either , again when I’d ask how am I one there’s be no examples or explanation for it The cycles started going her been off with me for days on end , completely denying being off when I ask her what’s up (one word answers for everything , not talking to me touching me or even looking at me) she’d always say ‘why what’s up with you’, she’d then be praying on my every move waiting for me to mess up , as soon as I would it would explode and all sorts of random accusations would be thrown at me , when I say mess up it’s normal something as simple as me turning the bedroom light off before she’s got into bed , some of the accusations were complete ludacris and as usual I’d ask for examples or where she’s got it from and she’d just go completely silent , anytime I’d stand up to her accusations and ask for how she’s got there that would be me ‘telling her she’s wrong all the time’ , ‘not validating her feelings’ ect. Examples She’d say I’m destroying her , I’d ask how or what am I doing to destroy her then thered be silence and I’d get the old ‘not validating her feelings’ or ‘I’m telling her Shes wrong all the time’ This has been a very common thing , her throwing something similar to that at me , me simply saying ok how have you got to that conclusion what am I doing , no answer , conversation steered to how I’m not validating her feelings ect

Ontop of this when I’ve stated boundaries or my own feelings , like I went through a period were my sex drive dipped , I made it clear it was not related to her it was me going through a rough patch in lockdown , she piled on intense sexual pressure and new sexual needs from that moment onwards

When I’m having a bad day I’ll straight up tell her why ‘I slept crap last night so I’m feeling pretty anxious and low today so I’m not myself it’s not related to anything with us’ that would always cause her to go off with me no matter how much I reassure her I’m not feeling like this due to the relationship, it’s cause I’ve not slept well , I’ve had a stressful day at work ect

These cycles are still continuously happening sometimes I feel like we’re past them other times they seem to be more frequent and more intense

We just had a months break and I explained my problems in this are the constant on/off behaviour, setting me up to ‘slip up’ so there was a reason for her on/off behaviour, not letting me go through my own shit and having bad days , there the main ones I’ve highlighted and have brought up on numerous occasions

Throughout the relationship when she’s exploded I’ve constantly asked what am I doing wrong in this? To which she can’t come up with anything , I study my own behaviour deeply and struggle to pinpoint it to cause there must be something I’m aware that I must be playing some part In this but can’t figure it out, after each explosion/cycle there’s always new and obsurd reasons for her behaviour it’s always got a different reason behind it , she even recently told me it was normal woman behaviour all of them are like this

We met yesterday to signal the end of the break and to talk , I asked what her thoughts were on us and she said she hasn’t really thought cause she knows she’ll just get told she’s wrong , I’d turned up with the intention of ending things but I just ended up in awe of her as she seemed really different and we got on really well

I ended the chat by asking her to state her problems in this and cause her to treat me like this they were all new ones.. 1.she gives more , when I asked the whys and how’s she got to this there was to answers which I said fair enough to Sexually she gives more , I admitted to this and explained again about my sex drives and certain things she’d said to me in the past like ‘don’t worry about me I really like just giving to you’ and the other was that when we go away for a drive I don’t put half the petrol in which she’s never ever stated , we’ve been away about 15 times and on 3 of those occasions when she’s gone to get petrol I’ve got out the car filled the tank and paid for it (she normally tried to stop me doing it) but this would cover 6 of those trips She’s cooked for me a few times and cleaned my house and then complains that I do nothing for her , it turned out that I’ve helped with what I can , I can barely cook but started to learn to when she said I don’t cook for her , other than that she’s completely renovating her House and I’ve offered and helped every step of the way , I’ve spent numerous times helping or asking if I can help , she’s currently out of work and I’ve offered to pay her bills and mortgage until she’s sorted

She doesn’t like how I point out her behaviour (I do this pretty much at the end of each cycle when I’ve finally had enough of the silent treatment) or that I used the word behaviour , she doesn’t like how I don’t validate her feelings ( this is when she’ll throw a statement at me and ask her how she’s got there and she has no answer , for some things she will have an answer and I’ll then give it to her and say fair enough I can see that now and I’ll do something about it which I do , but I’f I don’t agree or she has no explanation for her statements it’s me telling her she’s wrong)

And the third is that she never knows where she stands with me , note on that every single argument we’ve had right from the beginning right up to this moment she’s asked if I’m leaving her , I left her once and that was after the whole psychopath incident, when she said she doesn’t know where she stands I asked how and she said she feels like I’m just going to break up with her at any moment

My points to her were: 1. The same I’ve been saying for atleast a year about being off with me for days on end ect. I’ve explained I’ve got no problem with her having problems and it’s never really the outcome of her explosions that bother me , it’s more the constant off and on treatment I get that bothers me , I’ve said that when she’s off (she’ll deny it but knows it) that it’s perfectly ok for her to say to me that she needs abit of space to herself to sort out wether it’s something in herself or something she needs to raise to me , or if it’s just a bad day for her to state that she’s just having a bad day it’s not to do with us

2.she needs to communicate her issues , like if me not putting exactly half the fuel in is an issue I need to know

That she needs to listen to me and let me have bad days in myself without her being off with me about it

That I never know where I stand because of the constant off/onness it comes out of literally know where and can change at any moment

TD;LR , first time trying in a committed relationship, do I just not understand woman or how they work or is this not right?

Submitted September 18, 2020 at 07:15AM by Fai_Kirby via reddit https://ift.tt/3iJC4OG

[maximuswolf]

Is it likely my partner has BPD? via /r/BPD

Is it likely my partner has BPD?

I’m a 28m I’ve been with my partner 36f for around a year and a half It’s been full of short lived highs followed by many lows My background: I don’t have great relationship experience myself I never actually wanted a committed relationship until me and my ex broke ( we started as fwb ended up getting on amazingly well and had a very strong team like relationship going on , eventually it dawned on me that things were getting very serious and she has two of her own kids , I wasn’t ready for that lifestyle so we agreed to part ways) after that I felt I was truly ready to go for a committed relationship in line with my life goals (plans to travel) , before this I actively didn’t want a relationship I was more into fwb arrangements , I’d had a couple of relationships in my late teens/early twenties which i pretty much just ended up in knowing I was ready for it yet , none of them were bad relationships I’d ended them due to me knowing it’s not what I wanted (I’m aware I’m an asshole for entering them in the first place)

Her background: In her teens she started a 10 year relationship which was nothing other than abusive , constant cheating on both sides it was constant hurt and abuse according to her , she then had a few relationships which haven’t really been spoken about in between and then she met her ex at work who she’d been with for 10 years , she said she new from the off she didn’t love him or what they had and he didn’t have the lifestyle she wanted (they’d work together , come home and sit infront of the tv all evening on repeat) she said it was just easy , other things to note she doesn’t get on with her parents

Fast forward: She started working at my place and we got on like a house on fire , she didn’t tell me she had a boyfriend but I’d heard it from someone else and found it on her Facebook (she wasn’t aware I knew) so I ended up backing off abit , she then started getting really friendly with another guy at work who’s the same age , same shape ,same hair/beard style , similar interests as me and would actively flirt heavily with him infront of me , I didn’t react.. she then went out with him to a festival/met his mom and at work that week she told the guys I work with about it knowing they’d tell me (she eventually admitted this) once I found out I reacted by giving up on the idea of me and her , later that week she turns up at my house saying she did it to see if I get jealous so she knows if I like her , I told her I do and that’s when she confessed she has a bf and needs to leave him , after this she started to tel me how much the other lad at work fancies her/is in love with her (she’d constantly becoming to me saying all the things he’d said and playing the love songs to me that he’d sent her all with a massive grin trying to get a reaction but I knew what she was doing so never reacted) that just got worse and she started meeting him more , I confronted her on it after the 3rd or 4th time and said if this happens again I’m done it’s so disrespectful towards me and I will not tolerate it , she agreed and said she can see how wrong it is and how sorry she is for it and that’s it’s bad what she was doing to him as this lad really really liked her , a week later she’s back saying she’s met him again and I said were done , I managed to keep out her way for abit but she kept trying and trying with me until I gave In, on top of that everytime I was around her at work around another male she’d be talking heavy sexual stuff and I could see she was going extra knowing I was there , I called her out on this

After that things became seriously intense between us , she’d told me all about her traumas in life , literally everything about her expecting me to do the same , I found it strange but thought due to the intensity of the love I’ll do the same , there was a lot of strange deep questions from the off , but everything felt like a true love story during this period and almost felt unreal , after about 4 months things took a major turn , constant off and on behaviour at any moment I could change between one or the other , it almost seems as if it comes in cycles I’ll get a few weeks of her been okayish followed by a month of heavy off and on heavy short intense moments of love followed by complete offness until I finally explode (I stopped reacting/pointing out what she was doing and tried to accept her for who she is until it would become to much) I was then been told I was manipulating, gaslighting , controlling , when I’d ask how there be zero response just complete silence when I’d ask how I’m doing any of this , she’d always say these things to me just after she’d been doing them and I’d give her straight examples of how she was being manipulative, gaslighting controlling ect (I learnt the terms from her), another example she was convinced she is a physcopath , eventually she started to say she thinks I’m one and it would make me burst out laughing each time she said I was one , from that each time I’d laugh she’d start crying and saying don’t take the mick out of me so I stopped laughing and eventually started to believe that I’m a physcopath, after a short bit of research this is exactly we’re I learnt what projection was , since her going to therapy she finally has realised she’s not a physcopath and hasn’t said I’m one either , again when I’d ask how am I one there’s be no examples or explanation for it The cycles started going her been off with me for days on end , completely denying being off when I ask her what’s up (one word answers for everything , not talking to me touching me or even looking at me) she’d always say ‘why what’s up with you’, she’d then be praying on my every move waiting for me to mess up , as soon as I would it would explode and all sorts of random accusations would be thrown at me , when I say mess up it’s normal something as simple as me turning the bedroom light off before she’s got into bed , some of the accusations were complete ludacris and as usual I’d ask for examples or where she’s got it from and she’d just go completely silent , anytime I’d stand up to her accusations and ask for how she’s got there that would be me ‘telling her she’s wrong all the time’ , ‘not validating her feelings’ ect. Examples She’d say I’m destroying her , I’d ask how or what am I doing to destroy her then thered be silence and I’d get the old ‘not validating her feelings’ or ‘I’m telling her Shes wrong all the time’ This has been a very common thing , her throwing something similar to that at me , me simply saying ok how have you got to that conclusion what am I doing , no answer , conversation steered to how I’m not validating her feelings ect

Ontop of this when I’ve stated boundaries or my own feelings , like I went through a period were my sex drive dipped , I made it clear it was not related to her it was me going through a rough patch in lockdown , she piled on intense sexual pressure and new sexual needs from that moment onwards

When I’m having a bad day I’ll straight up tell her why ‘I slept crap last night so I’m feeling pretty anxious and low today so I’m not myself it’s not related to anything with us’ that would always cause her to go off with me no matter how much I reassure her I’m not feeling like this due to the relationship, it’s cause I’ve not slept well , I’ve had a stressful day at work ect

These cycles are still continuously happening sometimes I feel like we’re past them other times they seem to be more frequent and more intense

We just had a months break and I explained my problems in this are the constant on/off behaviour, setting me up to ‘slip up’ so there was a reason for her on/off behaviour, not letting me go through my own shit and having bad days , there the main ones I’ve highlighted and have brought up on numerous occasions

Throughout the relationship when she’s exploded I’ve constantly asked what am I doing wrong in this? To which she can’t come up with anything , I study my own behaviour deeply and struggle to pinpoint it to cause there must be something I’m aware that I must be playing some part In this but can’t figure it out, after each explosion/cycle there’s always new and obsurd reasons for her behaviour it’s always got a different reason behind it , she even recently told me it was normal woman behaviour all of them are like this

We met yesterday to signal the end of the break and to talk , I asked what her thoughts were on us and she said she hasn’t really thought cause she knows she’ll just get told she’s wrong , I’d turned up with the intention of ending things but I just ended up in awe of her as she seemed really different and we got on really well

I ended the chat by asking her to state her problems in this and cause her to treat me like this they were all new ones.. 1.she gives more , when I asked the whys and how’s she got to this there was to answers which I said fair enough to Sexually she gives more , I admitted to this and explained again about my sex drives and certain things she’d said to me in the past like ‘don’t worry about me I really like just giving to you’ and the other was that when we go away for a drive I don’t put half the petrol in which she’s never ever stated , we’ve been away about 15 times and on 3 of those occasions when she’s gone to get petrol I’ve got out the car filled the tank and paid for it (she normally tried to stop me doing it) but this would cover 6 of those trips She’s cooked for me a few times and cleaned my house and then complains that I do nothing for her , it turned out that I’ve helped with what I can , I can barely cook but started to learn to when she said I don’t cook for her , other than that she’s completely renovating her House and I’ve offered and helped every step of the way , I’ve spent numerous times helping or asking if I can help , she’s currently out of work and I’ve offered to pay her bills and mortgage until she’s sorted

She doesn’t like how I point out her behaviour (I do this pretty much at the end of each cycle when I’ve finally had enough of the silent treatment) or that I used the word behaviour , she doesn’t like how I don’t validate her feelings ( this is when she’ll throw a statement at me and ask her how she’s got there and she has no answer , for some things she will have an answer and I’ll then give it to her and say fair enough I can see that now and I’ll do something about it which I do , but I’f I don’t agree or she has no explanation for her statements it’s me telling her she’s wrong)

And the third is that she never knows where she stands with me

My points to her were: 1. The same I’ve been saying for atleast a year about being off with me for days on end ect. I’ve explained I’ve got no problem with her having problems and it’s never really the outcome of her explosions that bother me , it’s more the constant off and on treatment I get that bothers me , I’ve said that when she’s off (she’ll deny it but knows it) that it’s perfectly ok for her to say to me that she needs abit of space to herself to sort out wether it’s something in herself or something she needs to raise to me , or if it’s just a bad day for her to state that she’s just having a bad day it’s not to do with us

2.she needs to communicate her issues , like if me not putting exactly half the fuel in is an issue I need to know

That she needs to listen to me and let me have bad days in myself without her being off with me about it

That I never know where I stand because of the constant off/onness it comes out of literally know where and can change at any moment

TD;LR , first time trying in a committed relationship, do I just not understand woman or how they work or is this not right?

Submitted September 18, 2020 at 06:52AM by Fai_Kirby via reddit https://ift.tt/32E2knY