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1980shorrorfilm · 10 days ago

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eyes without a face

please click! happy 2025 :]!! may this year bring u so much joy i love you

pairing…ellie williams x fem!reader x abby anderson

in which…your relationship with abby doesn’t stop ellie from liking you.

before you read…angst. modern au. pathetic losertron 5000 ellie :[ this is just me really wanting to write #that scene from tpobaw which is a warning within itself. truth or dare trope. established messy relationship with abby. dina gets mistreated by ellie </3 did i mention ellie is a loser

it’s not hard to make ellie uncomfortable.

throw her in a crowded party or put her in a room where you’re clinging to abby, and it’s done. easy. like now. her eyes are betraying her, not daring to blink or look away, while abby’s whispering shit in your ear that has you giggling sweetly.

she can’t hear you, the music and chatter are way too loud, but she already knows what the noise sounds like. it’s when she makes a stupid geeky pun as you’re studying in her dorm, that the light laughter turns her face beet red— another thing that’s not hard to earn from ellie.

not from you, at least.

when your fingertips trace her fern tattoo, leaf to leaf, ellie holding her breath and arm in place. showing up to hang out in one of her hoodies you have assumed are yours by now, she’ll let you believe it, because she doesn’t want to change it.

telling her how smart she is. how funny she is. and some vulnerable, teary-eyed, post-argument with your girlfriend nights, how you wish abby were more like her.

compassionate...understanding...kind. things your girlfriend lacks, you had told her. it was one of the more severe arguments and surely said out of resentment, but ellie secretly and happily took it as a win.

if she was blunt, free from nerves that taunt her regularly, ellie would agree. maybe free you from her. become a villain to abby and her friends, the loved group that already despises ellie and her too close proximity to you, and her entire ‘no good’ existence.

but she would be your hero. that’s how she would like to think of herself— but ellie is very self-aware and knows that’s not a reality in any universe. her confidence is nonexistent, and reaching out to you would be reaching for the stars. two things she will only dream of.

you’re with her, that ellie cannot change that. she shouldn’t even be so fucking invested in you or your relationship.

she almost has her own, after all. sort of. it’s complicated, her and dina never put a label on what they were. she couldn’t use the term ‘distraction’ without seeming like the biggest jackass in history, but that is what she is.

searching for the qualities that you beautifully possess, in an entirely different person, and being disappointed she cannot find them. ellie feels bad about it, but somewhere in between those guilty thoughts, she wonders if it’s the same for you.

if you looked at abby and tried to find her in there somewhere, if the same sad realization that they were nothing alike, and you're with the wrong person, hits you as it does her.

shamefully, the idea makes ellie happy.

watching abby lead you away, out of her eyesight, did not make her happy.

“got us drinks,” dina chirps, plopping down onto the couch beside ellie, the auburn-haired girl honestly not noticing dina had ever left in the first place. she hasn't been paying attention to much besides you.

“thanks,” ellie makes sure to tell her, taking the red solo cup, sniffing it, and scrunching her face. the fuck is in that punch? she doesn’t know, but the brunette doesn’t seem to mind, sipping while nodding her head to the beat of the music playing throughout the house.

ellie, trying to be normal, shows a smile and brings the cup to her lips, gulping down the harsh alcohol all at once. she hates it, and she’s surprised she doesn’t throw it up immediately.

“thirsty?” dina jokes, earning an awkward chuckle from ellie, who is still eyeing the crowd before her, waiting for your reappearance.

maybe it will be without her, and she can finally talk to you alone, free from the prying and judgmental eyes of your damn girlfriend. she could barely even greet you when she arrived, the blonde's arm wrapped around your shoulder, subtly pulling you away after ellie got a ‘hi,’ in. asshole.

she will never know what you see in her. why you complain about her one night and then fuck her the next. she understands you with everything, besides your relations with her— unless she is your distraction. she’s hot and everyone with working eyes can tell. you two look great together, but you don’t work great together. not in ellie’s opinion, anyway.

ellie starts to drift now, the muffled noise of whatever story dina was telling and the noisy crowd blending, a headache of a symphony. or perhaps it’s the vile drink already hurting her head. or both and she should just ask dina if they could leave this stupid fucking party.

then she sees you. alone, visibly upset, locking eyes with her for a split second, but that’s all she needs. you don’t stay still, you’re walking away once more, but ellie thinks of it as an invitation. you liked to be with her when you were sad, even if ellie sucked at processing emotions, or giving any sort of advice regarding them.

you noticed this when she kept her mouth shut after ranting about something wrong abby had done, and poor ellie just didn’t know what to say. she never seemed to. you didn’t take issue with it, because the most important thing was, that she listened to you. she let you sob and held you in her always welcoming arms. it was enough for you, and why you’ll always appreciate ellie’s friendship.

you find yourself in the snowy backyard, colorful lights thrown messily on a large tree that young adults stand beneath, smoking a joint. you’d join them if you had the energy to be around people, but your previously high spirits had now gone. it was something little-- but the little nitpicky things somehow always led to a dramatic feud with your girlfriend.

you let out a deep sigh, taking a few steps away from the door and leaning on the house, everything a bit more quiet. your thoughts aren’t, though, not until you see her from your perpetual vision, making her way toward you. her gaze is heavy, examining you and keeping a small distance as she also leans against the brick exterior.

“something happen?” ellie asks, knowing both the answer and the cause.

“what do you think?”

“right…” ellie nods, face flushing red at your bitter sarcasm, which you regret immediately. all she’s trying to do is help. ellie doesn’t take it to heart, though, recovering quickly with a joke. half joke. “want me to beat her up?”

it earns a light chuckle from you, ellie smiling to herself as result.

“no…no…she just…never mind.”

she chews her lip, keeping her focus on her scribbled converse, wishing you would elaborate. not because she specifically wants to hear about what happened, but so you would. you would say the words aloud, rehashing it, rethinking where your relationship stands with her. that’s what ellie wants most.

“i understand,” ellie says, a safe response. much safer than where she’s about to lead this conversation.

“where is she?”

“hm? i don’t know?” you ask back, confused about abby’s whereabouts being relevant to right now. you don’t even care, you don’t want to see her. you turn to ellie, “why?”

she opens her mouth, then shuts it, and opens it again.

“i mean…if my girlfriend and i fought at some stupid party…i wouldn’t leave her alone…” ellie speaks quietly, nervously, fiddling with her fingers, “especially you…”

you don’t get the last part. not how ellie wants you to, green eyes parting from her shoes and to your face, waiting for a reaction— for the realization that you’re standing out in the cold with her, not your girlfriend, who is seemingly pretending nothing happened while mingling with her group of ghouls.

but after letting her comment linger, you laugh slightly. “isn’t your girlfriend alone in there right now?”

“she’s not my—” ellie corrects you too damn fast, gulping, “we’re just friends.”

just friends. dina would probably wear that desolated frown if she heard ellie say that, the brunette was more interested in ellie than ellie to her, it makes sense ellie could never really help you with your relationship.

she was struggling with hers, or whatever she had going on with dina. you just hope she’s happy, and being taken care of, and feeling loved. you wouldn’t know, she doesn’t talk to you about any of that. like it’s too personal, but nothing was ever too personal between you and ellie. you hadn’t thought so.

“well, your friend is probably wondering where you are…you should go back in.”

“i want to be with you.”

again, she speaks too fast. you’re looking at her with unreadable eyes, and it makes her feel weird.

“i-i want to make sure you’re okay,” ellie adds, your lips curling into a soft smile that turns her pupils heart-shaped. always so selfless, putting you before her or anyone else.

you're not surrounded with many people like that, like ellie, making you feel like a priority instead of a burden. wanting to be with you, instead of feeling like she needs to simply because you're not okay. she's the sweetest girl you know.

“you’re my favorite friend, you know that?” ouch.

ouch ouch ouch. yeah, that’s what she is, but when you say it it sounds wrong. as if it’s diminishing what she truly is to you, which is so much more than that cursed f word. and still, she smiles, only half fake. at least she’s your favorite something, she thinks.

“dina is a lucky girl.”

the words take ellie back for a moment, mouth parting slightly despite not having a thing to say. it’s almost teasing her, surely not intentionally, but ellie would forget about dina— or any single person if you had wanted her to. if you wanted her. do you?

there’s a comfortable beat of silence between you two, the snow now beginning to fall lightly. it doesn’t bother you, but you do shiver, and ellie takes notice. she’s already peeling her brown trucker jacket off before you could protest, knowing if abby had seen it, it would start another fight.

abby thinks you’re closer than you should be, and if you truly believed it was solely a concern because of your relationship, you’d be a respectful partner and listen to her complaints. but it’s not.

it’s personal, a vendetta against ellie and everything that she was that you admired. a loser with hardly any friends, a nerd that doesn’t even belong to this party tonight, a freak that’s obsessed with you...abby wasn’t kind to her.

you defend her, but usually, it makes it worse. you couldn’t fix that— them. especially because it’s mutual, though ellie never flat-out said anything cruel about abby. she just never said anything nice either.

“thank you,” you tell ellie as her jacket engulfs you with warmth, and the spicy scent of sandalwood that you only associate with her. it makes you feel like you’re being hugged tightly by her.

it’s the perfect moment. the party is dying down, and the muffled chatter is even quieter. everything is hushed currently, the blanket of snow coating the ground making sure of it. it’s so peaceful— and intimate. maybe even romantic, ellie mesmerized by how beautiful you appear next to her.

she was always amazed by winter images, how the pale snow has a magical contrast to whatever object is in focus. and right now you look like an angel, one she'll be sure to draw in her journal when she gets the chance. immortalizing a nice memory while also impressing you. a win-win.

and the moment is interrupted. “there you are!”

both of your heads turn to dina, an enthusiastic smile on her face as she approaches you both. she notices ellie’s jacket on you, but unlike abby, dina doesn’t care. she had started messing with ellie well aware of her close relationship with you, actually finding it adorable how much ellie cared for you. dina thinks she’s a great friend; that’s it.

“here i am,” ellie responds, showing a tight-lipped smile. a cup is given to her from dina, the brunette then looking to you. “do you want mine?” she motions to the drink in her hands, “i would’ve brought another but—”

“oh— no, designated driver,” you inform her, dina letting out a quiet ‘oh,’ in return.

“okay, well,” dina redirects the topic, eyes drifting to ellie, “they are playing truth or dare and i want you to play with me.”

“i don’t—” “c’monnn.”

dina places her hand on the sleeve of ellie’s flannel, a gentle grip on her forearm as she attempts to pull her away. from you. ellie really doesn’t want to leave, especially to play a stupid fucking no-good game with people she barely knew, but her feet are already moving with dina.

“have fun,” you tease ellie, catching the rolling of her eyes.

then you’re lonely, again, and you despise it.

you accept the defeat of who will apologize first, pushing yourself off the wall and going inside the house. the music is turned off, a few people talking from the living room, and you scan the area hoping to see her.

you don’t— it’s her friends, a few faces you’re not too familiar with, plus ellie and dina. your eyes meet with ellie’s first, sitting on the wooden floor crisscrossed like a child. then her eyes drift behind you.

“hey.”

abby’s voice nearly makes you jump, hip brushing against yours as she stands next to you. she takes in the same sight, people giggling in a circle on the ground, while ellie williams is staring at her lap, appearing so out of place. abby snorts quietly to herself— you pay no mind to it.

“hey,” you copy, shifting out of the doorway and slipping into the kitchen, not wanting this conversation to be held in front of everyone, and ellie. she follows, somehow only now noticing the jacket that doesn’t belong to you clinging to your body. she forces herself to drop it for the time being.

“i didn’t mean to cause a fight. was stupid,” she apologizes without apologizing, folding her arms, bomber jacket tightening around her biceps. she’s right, it was stupid, so stupid you don’t even remember the exact reasoning, as it was so insignificant— a reason to just let it go.

“it’s fine, baby,” you reassure both her and subconsciously yourself, closing the gap between you two. her head is lowered, still feeling unsure about it, not looking you in the eye.

your soft hand cradled her jaw, tilting it upward, finally meeting those stormy irises of hers. they seem so distant, like you cannot look through her and understand anything she is feeling— or thinking. you can’t help but wonder if it’s due to the slowly fleeting tension, or something more. something too much to unpack in a house party.

your lip twitches, “we’re okay.”

abby accepts that, as do you.

the room over is suddenly and loudly in an uproar, abby and you sharing an exchanged look, knowing it was probably something very stupid— and probably abby’s friends. your friends.

“they’re having fun,” abby points on the obvious, a switch in her demeanor that you recognize. she’s tipsy and hungry for you.

you sigh her name when her hands find your sides, dipping her head into your neck to kiss the area. she's taking advantage of the empty kitchen, subtly walking you into the nearest counter, still devoted to the soft flesh of your throat.

you give in, shutting your eyes in bliss for a split moment, before the room over is once again in a loud fit of laughter. it’s too distracting for a make out session.

“let's just—” you gently push her away, ignoring the groan that came with it, “—join them.”

“wha—”

you pull her with you to the other room, dragging her to where ellie sits, and inserting yourselves in the game of truth or dare.

you, of course, next to her, knees nearly brushing, while abby is on the other side of you, a gap between you. the women meet eyes briefly, but leave it at that.

ellie is agitated— she feels hot, not in a good way. maybe it’s the mysterious alcohol, or maybe it’s the fact abby is by your side again. a sight she already dreads, but now, after you made it abundantly clear she had upset you, and you just move on from it. it was easy, and so hard for ellie to witness again and again and again.

dina puts her hand on her thigh, squeezing as she chuckles, bringing ellie back from her dire mind. she tries to mirror everyone else in the room, a bleak smile that doesn't make it obvious she's not enjoying her time here.

this is boring. she doesn't care about someone being dared to suck the toe of another or having to reveal some dumb secret from a truth. she cares about you— yet looking in your direction only bothers her; the girl next to you bothers her.

ellie hates this.

“earth to ellie,” her head snaps to the direction of the voice, recognizing it as one of your better friends made through abby, nora. “truth or dare?”

“i— uh,” she wants to say truth, but she means to say truth, but it doesn’t leave her lips. “d-dare.”

you’re surprised. she's surprised. ellie is often shy in settings like these, especially around your friends where she feels the need to watch everything she says and does. luckily, she's cheered on, everyone expecting her to play it safe, or in meaner terms, be a pussy.

you’re also glad ellie’s fate is in the hands of someone you trust, someone who wasn’t harsh on ellie or your friendship with her. it’s an easy dare, something that doesn’t embarrass her at all, and make her the laughing stock.

“i dare you to…” nora speaks, looking between ellie and dina, “kiss the prettiest girl in the room.”

such an easy dare, it’s almost lame, those aware of ellie and dina being a duo now, groaning to themselves.

but ellie doesn’t do anything.

she’s frozen, not even looking in dina’s direction, but rather yours. you think she’s searching your eyes for courage, but you don’t know what for. this shouldn’t be difficult. seconds are passing, everyone waiting for her to get it over with so they can continue the game.

just kiss her.

ellie can’t. she can’t break eye contact with you. and it’s not hard to understand why that is, your cheeks burning up while the rest of the room seems to go dead silent; also realizing what was playing out before them.

“i’m…i’m sorry,” she speaks hardly above a whisper, low mumblings from around her that embarrass her even more. judgement. it is possibly the worst thing she could’ve done, an awkward tension now between her and dina, and you and her. ellie wasn’t working up the courage to kiss dina in the first place. it was you.

but she wouldn’t do that— only in her head, watching the scene play out while everyone is watching her.

ellie quickly gets up, muttering something you don’t catch, and swiftly walks away. she heads to the front door, everyone’s short attention span already moving on, continuing the game. you cannot.

you stand up, a hand on yours holding you in place, preventing you from moving. you look down at abby and her pleading eyes, letting them do the talking. don’t follow her. stay.

you don’t. you retreat your hand, glancing at a distracted dina who was sipping on her drink, probably trying to ignore what ellie had just done, and you leave the living room.

you too exit the house, spotting ellie approach her truck across the street. you call her name out, the woman hardly turning her head over her shoulder, continuing to get inside the red vehicle. you understand she doesn’t want to show her face now, but she cannot hide from you. no, this has to be addressed.

even if you don’t really know what to say, or how to say it. you jog to her car, welcoming yourself inside, boring your eyes into her, while hers are on the windshield, snowflakes coating the glass.

“what was that, ellie?” you ask her, a soft tone as if you’re trying to understand her, rather than pass judgment. she’s sensitive, and she’s also shown empathy to you in times you’ve made mistakes. but that’s the problem— it wasn’t a mistake. she wanted to kiss you. there was no doubt about it.

“i’m with abby,” you continue when she stays quiet, “and you’re with—”

“no, i’m fucking not,” ellie cuts you off before her name leaves your lips, finally finding the strength to look at you. her brows are lowered, shaking her head, visibly irritated. “we aren’t— i don’t want —i want you.”

there it is. you mentally flinch at the confession, a confirmation on her feelings for you; something that cannot be undone and now will haunt you moving forward. it’s not like you can say the words back, because what you said is true. you are with abby.

your friendship with ellie is a friendship. you sigh her name, lowering your head. for some reason, ellie had hoped this moment would come and it would be different. something out of a coming-of-age film, you coming to terms with feelings she’d like to pretend you had for her. abandoning your girlfriend for her.

but you’re too sweet, and that simply is not happening.

“you...you know that i love you.”

she makes it worse. it has been said between you several times, but not like this. she means it in an entirely different, much deeper, meaning.

you don’t reply.

her brows tilt down, tears beginning to form as her body feels on fire. she’s not overcome with pure sadness, she’s frustrated. really fucking frustrated and confused and feeling alone with the feelings, wondering why you’re so calm— like you don’t care.

she thought you did, but she thinks lots of things about you. the idea that maybe, just maybe, it was mutual. you treated her like it was, you made her feel the most loved compared to everyone else in her life, because you knew the most.

the things that brought her joy, that you went out of your way to fill her life with.

a trading card from ebay. a vinyl she spoke about once. her gas station order after getting high together. the kindest things done with the purest intentions, and nothing more. she’s not ungrateful— she just doesn’t get it. she doesn’t want to.

“y-you can’t not feel something,” ellie sounds like she’s trying to convince you, stages of grief already settling inside her. denial, lots of it.

“ellie—” “you can’t.”

“i don’t,” you rush the words out, voice raising an almost unnoticeable level, but still makes ellie sink into her seat. those building tears are now free, a silent cry while she watches you, avoiding to look at her.

“i’m with abby,” you repeat, wondering why it feels like more of a reminder to yourself, than ellie. why it seems like a shield, protecting some sort of lie, or a truth. you take it further, “there was…never…anything between us…”

she talks beneath her breath, “fucking bullshit.”

“ellie.”

“you’re a liar,” ellie doesn’t care for the stern tone in which you spoke her name, a dark cloud of negative emotions hanging over her head. “she’s not fucking here and you’re trying to spare her feelings…what about me?”

you finally look at her, her glossy green eyes appearing so desperate. like you’re her life line. her heart in your hands. but you can’t give in, or give her what she’s yearning for. you cannot give yourself to ellie.

“you’re my best friend, ellie,” you say, watching whatever light leave her eyes at the comment, “and i love you…just not…”

you stop.

ellie holds her breath. a car honks in the distance. an intoxicated person shouts something inaudible. a chill from the cool wind seeps into her truck. the world is moving quickly while everything feels in slow motion for you. then she swallows thickly, “right.”

she wipes her tears, and you take off her jacket that was still on your body, holding it in your lap momentarily. your fingers trace the fabric, a small gulp before you speak in the quietest voice, “you should go…i need to get back before she gets mad.”

there’s a short, dry, scoff laugh from the girl beside you. “wouldn’t want that,” she mutters, “who would you run and cry to?”

there’s venom on her tongue that you’re not familiar with, hell, ellie doesn’t even know where it came from, biting her lip when you look at her with wide eyes; a cold stare that is equivalent to spitting in her face.

“i’m sorry—”

“i’ll tell them you were being stupid. they’ll forget about it next week.”

you had cut her off, a monotone voice that she despises. you open the car door, exiting despite ellie using your name, not wanting the night to end like this. the winter air sends chills down your spine, and yet it’s more comfortable than sharing the same space as ellie in her truck.

“y/n—”

“drive safe.”

her mouth hangs open, watching you shut the car door and walk away, no hesitation or looking back.

you return to the house, to your girlfriend, while she sits lonely in her pickup truck, not being able to turn on the engine. she can’t move. all she can do is cry; but she’s freezing and the tears feel like frost.

she wishes she had you to wipe them away, as she did for you.

#-insertcatemoji #ellie williams x reader #abby anderson x reader #the last of us fanfic #tlou fanfic #wlw fanfic #ellie x reader #abby x reader #ellie williams fanfic #abby anderson fanfic #ellie williams angst #abby anderson angst #ellie x reader x abby #ellie williams x reader x abby anderson #why are you still reading this? do you want me??

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ghostboyhood · 7 months ago

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I HAVE FOUND ANOTHER PERKS OF A WALLFLOWER FAN VAJSBSJDBS

*holds you at gunpoint* favourite character (or one of them) in tpobaw 🙏

YEYSYEYSS I LOVE PERK OF BEING A WALLFLOWER SOSO MUCH

i will admit i havent finished the movie but i did read the book and it is an absolute FAVORITE. so my answer is strictly the characters in the book bc i feel like theyre portrayed extremely different in the movie

id definitely say charlie just because i can relate to him, hes a really good portrayal of growing up and trauma.. seeing his thought process in the book and how he handled people leaving and his mental health really stuck with me.. i like that he has flaws and hes fucked up rlly bad a few times, he doesnt immediately admit or realize it but eventually he does, and its good to see a character who isnt perfect yk

i also love patrick, i read the book a month or two ago now so i dont have a lot to go off of at the moment (my other hyper fixations push everything aside 😭) but i know i really love him PLUS HE PLAYS FRANKIE IN RHPS 🤭🫶🫶

the actor that played charlie looks exactly how i imagined him though so thats really cool too

#sorry ik everyone loves the movie but the characters are so different from the book..#patrick is obnoxious in the movie #and the guy who plays him is a bad person so !!!#ghost talks #asks #autumn !!#maybe ill finish the movie one day idk

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mydarlingdearestdead · 4 months ago

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hullo! I saw that you answered an ask on your favorite/recommended books and was wondering what you liked about the Alice trilogy and Rebecca? I’ve heard about Rebecca and it is on my tbr list, but don’t really know much about the Alice trilogy.

also I just wanted to say that Radio Silence and the Perks of Being a Wallflower are some of my favorite books as well :D

have a good day/night!

hi!!

I will literally take any excuse to talk about books, thank you sm

Rebecca is a book that I didn't love immediately but really became obsessed with the more I read, if that makes sense. The narrator (especially with her anonymity) is compelling and mysterious and just overall interesting. I'd recommend it especially if you're interested in stories with psychological manipulation as main components.

The Alice Trilogy is basically an Alice in Wonderland retelling where Alice breaks out of a mental asylum during a fire and unknowingly releases something extremely dangerous with her. I like it because every fairy-tale retelling seems so mild in comparison. I mean, it's would never recommend someone read it unless they're okay with things like discussions and descriptions of rape, general body horror, etc. Christina Henry very quickly became my favourite author for retellings (The mantle previously held by Marissa Meyer) simply because she does not skimp on the blood and I love her for it. Overall, I love these books and I always name them as my favourites, because they're both brilliant writing and story-telling as well as complex characters and just kind of demented.

Sorry, I could talk about this for years. I always have more book recs if you ever need some lmao

May I just say, you have incredible taste. I haven't actually read tpobaw in ages but I re-read Radio Silence last week and I will never get over that book :D

You too!! Sweet dreams and/or enjoy the sunlight

#asks

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catastrxblues · 1 year ago

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welcome to the waiting room !⋆｡˚🌿✧˖

➸ greetings hi!!! i'm nadine. xvi. she/her. southeast asian. muslim. student. apparently an isfj. virgo. also bibble and phoebe bridgers enthusiast. late afternoons and afternoon sun my beloved <3

➸ (looking for a) creations (myth) : webweave, edits

➸ credits : divider i by @benkeibear, divider ii by @gigittamic, divider iii, super important bibble masterpost by julie <33333 @octoberconstellation -> if you want any of your edits to be removed from here please do say so!!! thank you! <3

important : thepalestineacademy.com, free palestine, on west papua (i)

┏ STEM at heart, but sometimes all i really want to spend the rest of my life doing is reading, pondering over poems, learning to bake, crying over songs, writing in an immense amount and be good at it, watching films and shows new and old, working at a bookshop, collecting so many books that i have sagging bookshelves on the walls of my room, watching the moon, examining the stars, and enjoying the afternoon sun in a meadow or hills or somewhere with running creeks and flowers (but that's unrealistic so)

books ✧ the hunger games + ballad, six of crows, percy jackson, a good girl’s guide to murder, hp (fuck jkr) & the marauders, if we were villians, anne of green gables, the kane chronicles, keeper of the lost cities, five survive, solitaire, circe, tsh, every other ya contemporaries because!!

artists ✧ taylor swift, gracie abrams, phoebe bridgers, lorde, conan gray, sabrina carpenter, olivia rodrigo, maisie peters, ariana, bridgit mendler,

movies + shows ✧ little women (2019), thg adaptations, before sunrise, mcu, romcoms, clueless, bridge to terabithia, lady bird, barbie, heathers, lemonade mouth, bridgerton, heartstopper, jatp, asoue (show), alexa and katie, nhie, lost in space (2017), full house, the edge of seventeen, matilda, tpobaw, bottoms,

albums ✧ all of taylor’s but mostly : folklore, evermore, speak now tv, and red tv. good riddance, superache, guts, emails i can’t send, stranger in the alps, melodrama, the good witch, and yes i added this section just to tell you how much i love folklore and evermore. they’re the first albums i have ever loved and they are so so special to me.

characters ✧ katniss everdeen, peeta mellark, the march sisters, all of the crows, anne shirley, sejanus plinth, percy jackson, annabeth chase, grover underwood, finnick odair, tigris snow, kamala khan, celine, remus lupin, pippa fitz-amobi, ravi singh, AND SO MANY MORE YOU HAVE NO IDEA

ships ✧ everlark, kanej, helnik, wesper, percabeth, odesta, pipravi, and soo many more i just can't think of any right now crying

check down below for some v cool moodboard and BIBBLE (first five are mastermind julie's creations!!!)

↳ some of my sideblogs : @electrictouchftvtv -> used to be a random writing blog, but got shadowbanned. @andillwatchh -> movies & shows sideblog @iborrowlibrarybooks -> i don’t know, book quotes / moodboards / aesthetic blog? haven’t used it in a while. @everlarkestt -> supposed to be a thg sideblog but it’s currently empty except like two posts because i’m lazy. @labyrintharchive -> I WANT TO BE LOVED. I CARE MORE TO BE LOVED.

#check down below for some v cool moodboard btw 😁👍#nadine.mp3 #intro post #nadirants #also i haven't finished making that moodboard hold ON

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sharkinlovewithadolphin · 3 years ago

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tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

tagged by @sofiawylics - thank you! <3

MUSIC

fave genre? i don’t have any, but i usually do prefer pop

fave artist? Hayley Kiyoko, Hozier, Bleachers, the 1975s, Måneskin, Lil Nas X, Years & Years, Greyson Chance, and many, many more. fave song? none

most listened song recently? uhhh idk

song currently stuck in your head? “i ate you up the day we first spoke/love bites so deep, we got tiger teeth” (Walk The Moon - Tiger Teeth)

5 fave lyrics? The first that came to mind were: 1) “Like context in a modern debate, I just took it out.“ + “And I was 25 and afraid to go outside; A millennial that baby-boomers like.“ (The 1975 - Give Yourself A Try) 2) “We didn't start the fire; No, we didn't light it; But we tried to fight it.” (Billy Joel - We Didn’t Start The Fire) 3) “When my time comes; Forget the wrong that I've done; Help me leave behind some; Reasons to be missed.�� (Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest) 4) “Because you cut me wide open; Left teardrops on all my white roses.” (Greyson Chance - White Roses) 5) “Remember me, love, when I'm reborn; As a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn.“ (Hozier - Shrike) + “[...] So you know good things are happening; When the jackboot needs to jump.” (Hozier - Jackboot Jump)

BOOKS

fav book genre? YA, apocalypse vibes and fantasy

fav writer? Benjamin Alire Saenz

fav book? Ari and Dante, TPOBAW, Dead Poets Society

fav book series? Simonverse (Simon vs + Leah on The Offbeat)

comfort book? Ari and Dante

perfect book to read on a rainy day? hmmmm. idk

fave characters? hmmm... *suddenly forgets every character* let’s go with: Seth and Alice (Twilight), Dante (Ari and Dante), Nile (TOG comics)

5 quotes from your fave book that you know by heart? 1) “The summer sun was not meant for boys like me. Boys like me belonged to the rain.” (Ari and Dante) + "I love swimming and you." [...] “Swimming and you, Ari. Those are the things I love the most.” (Ari and Dante) ((gives me mad RH vibes)) 2) “We accept the love we think we deserve.” (TPOBAW) 3) “[...] That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” (Dead Poets Society) 4) “I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.” (The Song of Achilles) 5) “Someone will remember us I say; Even in another time.” (If Not, Winter)

TV AND MOVIES (I won’t be counting anime and general animation into this, otherwise it would be far too long)

fave tv/movie genre? none

fave movie? The Old Guard, Deadpool 2, Love Simon, Venom, The Way He Looks, Fear Street, etc.

comfort movie? The Old Guard, Twilight, The Half Of It, DP 2, MIB, Detective Pikachu, etc.

movie you watch every year? Twilight, DP2, Venom, Mean Girls, The Grinch, Home Alone, etc.

fave tv show? uuuuuhhh right now it’s Andi Mack, Hannibal, Killing Eve, JATP, Gentleman Jack, Haunting of Bly Manor, Young Royals, etc.

comfort tv show? Andi Mack, JATP, Atypical

most rewatched tv show? I have no idea, but the quickest show I ever rewatched was JATP, which I rewatched the next day after finishing the last EP lol, and the recent one I rewatched was Young Royals

ultimate otp? Tyrus and Joe x Nicky of these, i think

5 fave characters? Deadpool/Wade Wilson, Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Bella Swan, Cyrus Goodman, Casey Gardner

tv shows or movie | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online Tagging: @dandelionmeadow @nenufair @hamykia @alona-marinelli @died-by-the-scimitar @elena-of-time @mehawiyu @milkymickeyway @spacewitchqueen

#about me #long post #tag game

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thaumaturtles · 5 years ago

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I just mentioned The Perks of Being a Wallflower in that ask game, and said I’d make another post about it. That was mostly because that post was getting a little long in the tooth anyway, and also some of the stuff I have to say about that book is too personal for a fun sort of post like that. Actually, now that I think about it, most of those thoughts are way too personal to share here, even on a blog where I consistently overshare and where very few people following me know who I am in real life.

All I’ll say is that Perks is a very good book. I used to think of it as this hallmark of “sad white boy YA” because that’s what the movie always seemed like to me, but it was, in fact, a book that took a real look at mental health issues in a way that didn’t seek to mock or other those living with them. The narrator is also very tolerant, even by today’s standards, and the way he calls people out for latent misogyny and racism makes you forget that this book was written by a white dude in the ‘90s. Not to say that white men can’t be understanding of the plights of other people, or that the 1990s were some sort of Ancient Era, Back Before We Understood How To Treat People, but a lot of the things Charlie draws attention to are things that still fly in a lot of places today. With th exception of the technology and the pop culture references, this is a story that could happen in my hometown right now.

Perks is an epistolary novel, presented as a series of letters that the main character, Charlie, is writing to a complete stranger. There is no return address on the letters, and “Charlie” isn’t even his real name. All names in the novel are false or generic names to protect their identities and to prevent the recipient from finding out who Charlie is. What’s really heartbreaking is that Charlie’s writing all these letters because he needs a friend, and this is what he thinks friendship is. He even signs off all his letters with “Love always” or some equivalent. As the book continues, we learn more and more about Charlie, through his jokes, his questions about the world, and his sort of stilted, childish manner of speaking. I just think it’s a wonderful book and it’s filled with shoutouts to other great novels

It’s also one of very few books I’ve read to take a serious look at sexual abuse done by a woman to a boy, and the effect that can have on a kid, which is particularly important to me for Reasons I’m Still Not Comfortable Sharing Yet

I wrote so much more than I meant to omg

Anyway I think tPoBaW is one of those books that it’s a whole capital E Experience to read, one which depends heavily on where you’re at when you read it for the first time. I think it’s one of those books that stays with you, at least for a bit. What do I know, though; I think every book I read is the greatest piece of literature ever

#dylan talks #the perks of being a wallflower #book review #is that what that was?#if so i give this book 5/5 stars for making me FEEL

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nlwjournal · 5 years ago

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The Perks Of Being A Wallflower Is Now In My Top 5 Movie List

Wow. Just wow. I don’t know why I haven’t watched this movie before today.

But, considering my headspace at the moment, this movie hit all the spots. It dealt with death, trauma, college, waitlists, love, hate, depression, relationships, high school, friends, sexual assault, etc. The list goes on and on, but I’ve been thinking about most of these topics recently. Quarantine has been challenging, and I’ve found myself thinking about subjects I haven’t thought about in a while. Nothing harmful, but it’s not what I usually think about on my day to day.

Okay, but I just want to talk about Logan Lerman’s acting. I’ve seen Lerman in the two Percy Jackson movies, Fury, and a couple of episodes of Hunters, and this performance was astounding. Lerman plays a shy freshman in high school named Charlie, who’s trying to fit into the world after his best friend committed suicide; he also has PTSD, which takes a toll on his mind. The thing is when he played the role, he was 20 years old, and he looked way older than a real freshman in high school would. Yes, a lot of actors do this, but not many are successful at it. Lerman plays the character in a very held back, tight, timid sort of way, which fits well into the story. Every choice he made felt right, every impulse he took felt authentic, every line he said made me want to crumble because it was so real, and that’s how freshman are in life. It was just so realistic. The whole movie, he spoke like the was holding back, and in the end, we finally find out what that is.

Toward the end of the movie, Charlie has a mental breakdown, which causes him to learn the truth about his Aunt Helen; she sexually abused him as a young child. He’s been repressing this memory for years now, and throughout the years, it’s come out as images, but never the truth. During the actual mental breakdown, Charlie is sitting in a chair, helpless. He keeps telling himself not to cry, looking around him, touching his face, etc. It’s such a crazy moment, and Lerman played it so well. During the scene, he ends up calling his sister, and at the beginning of the movie, he said that he wishes his friend wrote a suicide note, which ultimately made me feel that he was going to kill himself. His sister tells one of her friends to call the cops and send them to her house. He begins to walk around his house and into the kitchen, which made me think he was looking for a knife. In one of his flashbacks, Aunt Helen flips her wrist over, revealing two cuts, so I immediately thought Charlie was going to cut himself. Thankfully, he does not commit suicide; he just passes out. The cops find him and take him to the hospital. Then begins his healing process, which follows to the end of the movie.

Females hurting males isn’t talked about much in the media, so it was so shocking when that detail was revealed. I thought this movie was going to be a fun teen movie, but boy was I wrong. Throughout the film, Aunt Helen was depicted as Charlie’s favorite person, but she was terrible to him. The flashbacks seemed like loved and cherished memories when, in reality, they were repressed and acted as the opposite of the truth.

Also, Paul Rudd was in the movie; he did great. He played Charlie’s English teacher, and they had a strong bond. Rudd’s character would give Charlie new books to read and write reports on because he noticed Charlie’s enthusiasm for reading. He plays a good father figure for Charlie. Now, Charlie’s family doesn’t seem to be having problems, but Rudd’s character offers guidance throughout the movie. They get to a first-name basis, which is quite cute. Relationships: There is this one exchange between the two of them that has remained one of the most iconic scenes in the movie. I’ve seen this scene online a million times, but when I watched it, it hit me like a truck. It goes:

Charlie: Mr. Anderson? Can I ask you something? Bill: Yeah. Charlie: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date? Bill: Are we talking about anyone specific? [Charlie nods] Bill: Well, we accept the love we think we deserve. Charlie: Can we make them know that they deserve more? Bill: We can try.

Reading this scene without context hurts, but watching the scene with context is something else. At that moment, it led me to examine all the past relationships I’ve had and how they affected me. Do I think I deserve the love of crappy people? Why? What do I deserve? I’m still figuring this out.

College/Waitlists: TPOBAW* touches on the subject of college because most of the supporting characters are seniors, and they’re going through the process of applying to colleges. The love interest, Sam—who is an incredible character—initially got waitlisted for Penn State, but got off the waitlist leading up to the end of the movie. This. Broke. Me. I recently got waitlisted from one of my top schools, and I was and still am crushed. I was manifesting getting into that school, and I didn’t. It hurts a lot. To see Sam get off the waitlist gave me a teeny bit of hope, but I’m still not that optimistic about it.

High School: Seeing a movie about the final months of senior year and not being able to experience that makes me want to jump into a dry well and never come out. It’s my last semester of high school, and I don’t get to do the things that I’ve been looking forward to for years. I was supposed to be in a play this spring that I would’ve been proud to do and happily look back on. I was supposed to hang out with my friends before not seeing them ever again. But mainly I was supposed to work hard until the end, and walk across that stage and finally graduate—this isn’t set yet, but judging by the current situation, I don’t see it happening. It just sucks.

This movie hit home, and I’m glad that it did.

TPOBAW*: The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

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darknessweknow · 8 years ago

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DEAR 2016,

Hello, I’m sorry i’m writing this post late but, to be honest it’s been hard. (I’m apologizing to me because, I know how this is so healing for me)

Fuck 2016. Seriously, I started this year hating my mom my dad and my brother. I literally started this year feeling the most alone ever. Then my mom got diagnosed with stupid fucking cancer and well, that’s that. Then, I lost my best friend because she started dating my brother. In the other hand, i started university and i’m actually good at school now, I met Joe Jonas, my mom kicked cancer in the face hopefully for ever (fingers crossed) and had a bit of a fling with the one and only… Mr. Darcy (I’m calling him Mr.Darcy) I met a bunch of people and created such a close group of friends. As always at the end of the year I fell apart and lost all my shit, started fucking up with my body and getting high to forget about the pain. I’ve never felt so low though.

My heart broke a little this year, well it broke. For sure. But, it a new pain, a pain i’ve never felt before. I don’t want to talk about it. I want to leave it in the past. I think about it, almost all the time. But, i don’t talk about it…. the only person i want to talk to about it never has anything to say… so i guess that’s why im suffering more than usual now. I’m suffering in silence. I’m Sorry for being so dramatic, i’ve just felt it this way, i’ve felt my life follow the script of a raunchy telenovela nobody likes… I hate the script, every single fucking thing that happens feels like a challenge. And I’m lost.

It’s weird because after everything, i’m feeling weirdly optimistic abut 2017… i mean i always do and it’s like every year it’s just a biggest disappointment. I’m sorry i’m being so dramatic and horrible and weird about life. I just feel weird.

To quote my favorite: “ i’m still trying to figure out how is it that i can be happy and sad at the same time.” (TPOBAW)

Fuck you 2016 you were once more the worst of times and the best of times.

Juli from the future:

If you are reading this please love yourself… please, start things with Jilly going, say hi to Rachel and love everybody that surrounds you (AEA) I hope you are better about your heart, i hope you stop suffering and you find someone you cant talk to about everything. Call Aleksander, get him to come to Mexico. Juli love yourself pelase, keep doing good in school, don’t let anybody distract you from your goals. I promise theres only going up from now.

love always,

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unorthodoxphilosopher · 7 years ago

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Book review: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

source:Google

I’ve never thought about writing a book review, but I’m going to do this one because I think it’s extremely important. Not only to people who may read this but also to me.

I’ve been reading for about thirteen years (I’m sixteen) and I can genuinely say that no book has changed my life as much as The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I read it for the second time about a month ago and oddly enough, I couldn’t remember connecting with the book at all the first time. Maybe it was because I was feeling very damaged/depressed the second time, with college applications and tests and the entire overwhelming feeling of pre-graduation at Loyola Jesuit College, but I just know that every time Charlie went through something, even things I have never experienced, I could just squeeze my eyes shut and feel like somebody, somewhere understood me.

Just for those of you who may never have read the novel, TPOBAW is a poignant, well written, coming-of-age novel by Stephen Chbosky. The term “wallflower” is bestowed on Charlie by Patrick at one of their parties. It refers to someone who sees things, understands them and keeps quiet about them. I could easily vibe with this because that’s the basic definition of us introverts. The novel recounts the musings, thoughts and life of a fifteen/sixteen year old boy named Charlie and his adventures with his best friends Sam and Patrick. Charlie gets introduced to many “teenage things” i.e. pot, parties, alcohol, girlfriends, mix tapes, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, loneliness, awkwardness, depression and so and so forth. It comprises of letters Charlie writes to an anonymous person he addresses as “friend” and I believe it is written this way because Charlie suffers from a mental illness and this is supposed to help him deal with his feelings. At the end of the novel, Charlie learns valuable lessons about love and life.

I think I-and teenagers everywhere-can connect with this novel because as far as I’ve seen, it is the only completely honest recount of teenage life any non-teenager has ever written. What’s more shocking is that it was published in 1999 but the feelings are still very valid in the life of 21st century teens. It enabled me to view a reflection of my life or at least a life I could understand from an outside perspective and be able to grow from my feelings. He talked about many things some of us notice but never point out, like the fact that many girls go through grade school happy and comfortable in their own skin then go through puberty and start to get insecure about stupid stuff and care about boys too much. He asks questions like “Why do the teachers come here and teach every day?” and you are forced to address thoughts you never even thought about thinking about. More importantly, Chbosky is sort of blunt about certain “awkward” things that many teenagers think about e.g masturbation and having sex, and reading Charlie’s thoughts sort of allows us to think about these things in a safe space.

I think one of the most important aspects of the novel is the way it’s written. It’s as if the reader is being let into the mind of another person. Charlie mostly rambles on; this is evident in the sometimes poorly constructed sentences. This could be because he is mentally ill or he’s working on his writing (his AP English teacher, Bill sometimes advices him to “write more clearly”) or maybe Chbosky’s genuine mistakes. Regardless, I like that it was written this way because it expresses one of the many imperfections of the average teenager.

The most popular part of the TPOBAW (both novel and film I believe) is the part about feeling infinite. Basically; Charlie, Patrick and Sam are driving through a tunnel in a pick-up truck. Sam stands at the back with her hands spread eagle and this song is playing and Patrick drives really fast and after it’s over, Charlie says:

“"I feel infinite". And Sam and Patrick looked at me like I said the greatest thing they ever heard. Because the song was that great and because we all really paid attention to it. Five minutes of a lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way. I have since bought the record, and I would tell you what it was, but truthfully, it's not the same unless you're driving to your first real party and you're sitting in the middle seat of a pickup with two nice people when it starts to rain.”

This is my best part of the book because I think it expresses what lies at the root of teenage life/experiences: the desire to feel unquantifiable, to be reckless, to be free. In the month since I read the book I’ve been searching for my infinite moments and I can easily say that when Identify them, I will classify them as my best part of being a teenager.

I do not know why it took so long for this book to receive international acclaim but I hope the movie, interviews, quotes and posts like this one will forever immortalize it. This post has gotten a lot longer than I intended for it to be and I have left out so many awesome parts of the novel. This just proves how much of a wonderful experience reading it was. I hope more teenagers everywhere get the chance to read it and I will definitely do the honors and pass it to my child when he/she becomes a teenager.

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