#i just needed to get myself to answer this ask

[wriokitty]

in every life, it’s you — ft. sylus

before you read: gender neutral reader ; established relationship ; reader lays on him/sits on his lap ; very cringe and corny fluff and banter but i had to heal myself from the pure trauma that was his myth that i watched last night ; not proof read

“Sylus,” you whisper, “are you sleeping?”

Sylus does not ever sleep when he should—it’s a miracle that he even sleeps at all. Your question is a pointless one in hindsight, but you ask more for the purpose of getting his attention than anything. You realize a little too late, however, that stupid questions will always get you stupid answers with him. It’s an opportunity he never misses.

He gives you a dramatic, loud snore that instantly makes you roll your eyes, lips twitching into a small grin at his antics.

“Don’t be annoying,” you huff playfully.

“You should be prepared for nonsense if you ask me nonsense,” he says smoothly, voice a low, deep rumble through his chest beneath your cheek.

Sylus doesn’t sleep at night. More often than not, he sleeps after the sun rises and not a moment sooner—but he lays with you every night, anyway. Just because it helps you sleep. Just because you need him there and he likes being needed. (Sometimes, he lays with you more for himself. More for the feeling of your body curled against his while you’re most vulnerable, while your guard is down completely and you trust him. He likes your trust—craves it.)

“Nevermind. Goodnight,” you pout, turning your body to face your back to him. It’s useless—as is any form of petulance with him. Sylus is infuriatingly capable of always keeping an upper hand. You body gets flipped effortlessly with a thick, strong wave of red before you’re back to laying against his chest.

“Now, now,” he teases, “no need to hiss like a stray kitten. Your fangs aren’t sharp enough for that yet.”

You melt instantly despite his (lighthearted) mockery. It’s that type of effect he has on you. That feeling you get from the soft, easy way he smiles and that delicate, fragile look in his eyes. You don’t even think Sylus realizes it. How gentle he is by nature. How vulnerable he always looks. How easy he is to love and be loved by. Sometimes, you don’t think he realizes how easily love fits itself between the crinkles of his eyes and seeps into the smile lines by his lips.

You lean up, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw, making his smug, teasing grin falter into something a little more vulnerable.

“I was thinking…”

“That’s never a good sign,” he sighs in mock wariness, catching your wrist when you move to slap his chest and giving you a wide, devastatingly handsome grin.

“Shush,” you roll your eyes, fighting back your own grin before continuing, “I was thinking and I need to know: do you think we’re together in every life? We have to be, right?”

He’s quiet for a second, doesn’t answer right away as though he’s really pondering the answer. (Half of you expected him to scoff at the question and call it silly. The other half expected him to laugh in amusement. Humoring your deep, late night question was not on your list of possibilities for the night.)

“You’re working that poor brain of yours overtime with such thoughts,” he murmurs, raising a brow as he pokes your forehead. You scrunch your brows, and he grins friendly. “But I suppose it’s possible. Unless you’re smarter in the next life and stay away from me.”

You pout deeper, rolling to lay your body over his before your hands cup his cheeks, squeezing them together while you force his eyes to stare into yours. (He lets you get away with it. He lets you get away with a lot.)

“I don’t want to stay away in the next life,” you say in concern, like you’re really at threat of living through the nightmare of not having him by your side. He fights back a small, amused snort for the sake of your feelings. “I’d love you in every life.”

“Is that so?” He drawls.

You nod firmly, squeezing his cheeks together a bit more before a small giggle escapes your lips at the view. You press a peck to his mouth, and he cups a hand to the back of your head, keeping you right there where he can kiss you properly.

“Yes,” you breathe as you pull away, voice just a touch breathless. “I’ll be miserable if I don’t.”

“You’re oddly sentimental tonight,” he murmurs, running a thumb along your bottom lip as he inspects your face closely, admiring the delicate curves of your features and the light reflecting in your eyes. “Should I be concerned?”

“No. At least not for now,” you wink, “I can’t make any promises for the future.”

He laughs at that—it’s a low, rich, smooth sound that sends something shooting straight to your heart and makes it race. Makes the blood pump faster in your veins and your head spin at the feeling. Makes you think the sound of his laughter is the only thing you want to remember even when your bones bury into soil and your body returns to the earth where it came from. Just the echo of his voice, filled with joy and nothing else.

“Any particular reason you’re being so sweet?” He tilts your chin up. You turn your head, leaning to press a soft kiss to his palm as it cups your cheek.

“What? I can’t just love you?”

“Well, I’m not saying that. How can I complain about something like that?”

You sit up, suddenly. He lets you, taking the weight of you as you straddle his hips and sit up and cup his cheeks, gently grazing your thumb and studying his features like you need to commit him to memory. Like you might forget him in the next life and you can’t bear to lose the vision of him in the back of your mind.

You love him. It’s the simplest thing you’ve ever done. It comes as easily as breathing through your lungs and pumping blood through your veins.

“I’ll love you in every life,” you say resolutely, voice barely a whisper. “Promise.”

Something flickers in his gaze. Something hopeful with maybe just an echo pain before it’s gone. Before you can think too long about it, he pulls you closer, kissing you hard and firm and desperate like he needs to feel you now to know you’re real.

“I’ll hold you to that promise, sweetheart,” he whispers back, “so I hope you make good on it.”

Things that destroyed me and made me want to quit life as whole: sylus dragon myth.

[paulgadzikowski]

My brother once asked me, because his therapist had once asked him, what I would want from our father to help heal the trauma from his abuse. He said his answer had been to get an apology, and he said it actually happened once, though my brother conceded that it wasn't a real apology and was therefore more of a new transgression. I answered him:

'In this world I don't believe it can get better than it's been since our October 2017 message exchange with Dad's "pissing contests" message [in response to my initial notice of having worked out how abusive he is, the most important thing I ever told him]. Not our February 2017 exchange with his mock apology - after that one I thought for awhile we'd reached an equilibrium I could bear wherein I would avoid further confrontation forever while also avoiding him forever; but actually I needed the closure of informing Dad how he stands with me, because avoiding that kind of confrontation is exactly what I can't bear about his way. This confrontation [the one I needed for closure] happened in the October 2017 exchange. The closure in the hand is worth twice the closure in the mist.'

My brother returned that he didn't think I'd answered the question, so I elaborated:

'I wished for the same thing as you did, and then I got the same thing as you did instead. Dad asked me "Fill me in", and I answered him my need was for him to engage with me, and he responded to my answer with what I call the mock apology as if my answer hadn't happened. I immediately became unable to wish or hope for better for I saw the fruitlessness of wishing or hoping for better. With this, the last vestiges of my capacity for allowing him his fantasy, what I call the imaginary Paul, were demolished but when I tell him any of this he calls it "pissing contests" or a "filter that sifts my words". I'd never have thought Dad could have a more able imagination about anything while mine had failed but here we are. I've always called the mock apology mind-boggling and truly it was. I can no longer bring myself even to imagine or wish for a genuine apology from Dad hypothetically or ideally because I was so violently disillusioned when I explicitly requested engagement in answering Dad's explicit request for feedback. After the effort he put me through to get this far, I can't even be sorry that I can't wish for better. I don't have another answer for you. The best I can do is wish for Dad the closure I have.'

Some months later I had occasion to add, in answer to a new development between Dad and someone else:

'I … don't [wish things were different]. I can't wish things were different. For me and Dad to reconcile (any other way than for me to, just, return with[in] range to allow him to resume his trespasses against me, which I can no longer bear, which is why I moved out of range) would require Dad to change his behavior sufficiently to constitute becoming an entirely different person. Wishing someone else to be an entirely different person is his crime against me and I won't do it to him. I can't, not even momentarily for therapeutic purposes. I've written this to both of you before, years ago, but I've thought lately I should have repeated it last January to have been clearer when you, Mark, asked me what happy resolution to the conflict I would wish for. I answered I could wish for no more than that Dad find closure with the new status quo as I have, but if I'd also repeated this then I think I would have been clearer.'

My point is yes, you must stop going to the hardware store for oranges or, possibly, even for hardware. I did.

[jhyoos]

Off Limits

chapter one : cold hearted snake

soccer player vi x talis reader

mentions : player vi, besti ekko, romance, lesbianism, modern au, college au, drama, abby tlou, ellie tlou, cheerleader reader, mention of sex, mentions of overdosing

notes: semi long chapter so get some snacks, turn your fan on and rub your feet together

edit: i ended up changing nyu to asu (arcane state university)

"Jayce… don’t piss me off," you mumbled groggily, swatting at the air as you turned away from the light creeping in through the curtains. Your brother had this awful habit of waking you up early, and this time, it was no different. You groaned as you felt the edge of his foot on your nightstand, a clear sign that he wasn’t planning to leave until you gave him the attention he craved.

"Please, sis. Just tell me if they go good with my outfit. It's my junior year. I gotta look fresh," Jayce said, his voice high-pitched and over-the-top, just the way it always was when he was seeking validation.

You blinked open one eye, then the other, squinting up at him. The sight of his goofy grin—complete with his messy hair—did nothing to help the headache that was already forming. He was holding a pair of sneakers in one hand, his new must-have shoes for the school year.

You rubbed your eyes and sighed, giving him the most unimpressed look you could muster. "Yeah, Jayce. You look good," you said flatly, trying to roll over and go back to sleep.

But Jayce, of course, wasn’t done. He let out an exaggerated sigh and plopped down on the edge of your bed, his body taking up far too much space. "Don’t go back to sleep, c’mon! It’s your first day here at ASU. You gotta make a statement," he said, wiggling his eyebrows, clearly proud of his well-meaning, annoying attempt to motivate you.

You cracked open an eye again, giving him a deadpan stare. "I don’t want to hear it, Jayce. You’re lucky I’m even awake right now."

Jayce chuckled, nudging you lightly with his foot. "Get up, you lazy bum. I need to know if this shirt works with my new kicks or not. It’s important!"

You sighed, sitting up slowly, still trying to shake off the remnants of sleep. Looking at him—his eager face, his ridiculous outfit—wasn’t helping your mood. You glanced at his sneakers, then his shirt, then his whole vibe. Jayce looked like he was trying way too hard to impress everyone on his first day back. He had his typical “I’m cool” swagger on display, and you weren’t sure if you should laugh or just roll your eyes harder.

"Yeah, Jayce. You look good," you muttered, not really caring but knowing that was the answer he wanted to hear.

Jayce leaned in closer, his face inches from yours, all dramatic as he asked, "Really? I mean, really? You sure about that? ‘Cause I need you to be my fashion consultant today."

You shook your head, not even bothering to reply to his antics. You were too tired for this. But he wasn’t backing down. He was, after all, Jayce—a master at annoying people to no end.

"Don’t make me get Mom on the phone, you know she’s got the best opinions," he teased, but you could hear the hint of excitement in his voice. He wasn’t just annoying you for attention; he genuinely seemed to need your approval.

You shot him a glare. "If you don’t stop, I’ll tell Mom you’ve been wearing the same pair of socks for two days."

Jayce’s grin faltered, just for a second, before he playfully shoved your shoulder. "Low blow, sis. Low blow."

Finally, you could hear him sigh in defeat. "Fine. I’m leaving, I’m leaving. Get up, though! Or I swear, I’ll drag you out of bed myself."

You stared at him as he got up and headed toward the door, but not without another remark. "Oh, and don't even think about that raggedy bus today. We’re taking my car. And you're making a statement whether you like it or not."

The door clicked shut behind him, and for a moment, there was silence—glorious silence.

You glanced at the time on your phone. 5:47 AM. With a groan, you threw the covers off and rolled out of bed.

The thought of the first day at ASU made your stomach churn with nerves, but you couldn't show it. Not after all the teasing and endless talk of “making a statement” from your brother. You needed to at least pretend like you had it all together. So, with a loud sigh, you shuffled into the bathroom for a shower, hoping the cold water would wake you up enough to deal with the day ahead.

As you stood under the stream of water, you tried to clear your head. You'd never been one for drama, but here you were, starting college at one of the most prestigious schools in the country. It was supposed to be exciting. New people, new opportunities, new everything. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were stepping into something much bigger than you were ready for.

Still, there was no turning back now.

You had spent your freshman and sophomore years in Italy, a place you quickly grew to love. It was a dream come true—walking cobblestone streets, sipping espresso in tiny cafes, and studying architecture and art history in a country that felt alive with culture and tradition. At first, you were nervous about being so far from home, but Italy embraced you with open arms, and soon, it felt more like home than your actual home ever had.

The plan had been simple: you would study abroad, and Jayce would come with you. Your mom had made it clear that he had the option to join you. “Think about it,” your mom had said, “two years of sibling bonding while experiencing a whole new world.” But, of course, Jayce had shrugged it off.

"Pass," he'd said without hesitation. "All my friends are here. Plus, who's gonna keep the soccer team alive without me?"

You’d rolled your eyes when he said it, but deep down, his refusal stung. He didn’t even consider it. And as much as you hated to admit it, part of you had wanted him there. Sure, he was annoying and constantly in your space, but he was also your big brother—the one who always knew how to make you laugh when you were stressed, the one who looked out for you when no one else did. Without him, you felt a little more alone than you were ready to admit.

But Italy had been a journey all its own. You’d found your rhythm there, made lifelong friends, and grown in ways you never expected. You learned to navigate bustling markets in Florence, spent lazy afternoons sketching by the canals in Venice, and even picked up enough Italian to argue with locals over gelato flavors. It wasn’t just a study abroad experience; it was a transformation.

Then, two years flew by faster than you thought they would. And just like that, it was time to say goodbye to everything you’d built in Italy. The narrow alleyways you knew like the back of your hand, the corner cafe where the barista always greeted you with a warm "Ciao, bella," and the friends who had become family. It wasn’t easy leaving it all behind, but the opportunity to finish your degree at home on a full-ride scholarship was too good to pass up.

There was one silver lining to returning home: Ekko. Your best friend since middle school. He’d been the one constant in your life before you left for Italy, and as much as you loved your new friends abroad, no one quite compared to Ekko. He was like a brother to you, but cooler than Jayce ever could be—not that you’d ever tell Jayce that to his face.

Ekko was in ASU with a full ride scholarship majoring in Engineering, balancing school with being on the soccer team alongside Jayce. The two of them had always been close, despite being complete opposites. Jayce was loud, confident, and always seeking the spotlight, while Ekko was more laid-back and analytical, content to let his skills speak for themselves. The idea of seeing them again—especially Ekko—was one of the few things keeping you grounded as you prepared to face New York after two years away.

After your last class wrapped up, you decided to head over to the campus coffee shop to grab something to eat. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee and baked goods hit you as soon as you walked in. You ordered an iced coffee and a bagel sandwich before making your way outside, where small tables with umbrellas dotted the courtyard.

Finding an empty table near the edge of the patio, you set your things down and took a seat. The campus buzzed around you as students chatted or hurried to their next destination. Sipping your coffee, you opened your book and began reading while occasionally taking bites of your sandwich.

As you lost yourself in the story, two hands suddenly grabbed your shoulders, making you jolt and nearly drop your sandwich. Your head whipped around, your heart racing, only to be met with a familiar face—Ekko.

“Holy—Ekko!” you exclaimed, standing up with a wide grin.

He laughed, his grin just as big as yours. “Surprise!”

Without hesitation, you threw your arms around him, hugging him tightly. “I missed you so much,” you said, your voice muffled against his shoulder.

“Missed you too,” Ekko said, his arms wrapping around you firmly. After a moment, he pulled back slightly, his hands resting on your shoulders as he took a good look at you.

You twirled around dramatically, giving him a full view of your outfit. His brows shot up in surprise as he took it all in. “Damn… Italy changed you in more ways than one. What happened to my (Y/N) who wore oversized hoodies and partied like a rockstar every other weekend?”

You smirked, crossing your arms. “She’s dead, but I still love a good party,” you quipped.

Ekko leaned casually against the wall, his arms crossed and a playful smirk on his face. “There’s gonna be a first-day bonfire tonight. Good music, new faces, and…” he paused for effect, “…Caitlyn Kiramman, the cheer captain, might be there. You could ask her about whether there’s a chance you’re on the team since you submitted that video for tryouts.”

Your face lit up with excitement. “You always come in clutch,” you said with a grin. “Only if you’re taking me, though.”

Ekko shook his head, his smirk turning into a sheepish grin. “Can’t. I’ve got a date for the bonfire.”

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Aw, really? Who’s the lucky girl?”

“A girl named Jinx. She’s in most of my classes. Thought she was cute, so I asked her out,” he said, shrugging like it was no big deal. “She surprisingly said yes.”

“Surprisingly?” you teased, folding your arms and leaning toward him. “Please, Ekko, you’ve got more game than you think. Good for you, seriously.”

He chuckled, his cheeks dusted with a hint of pink. “Thanks, I guess. What about you? Got your eye on any girls here yet?”

You grinned mischievously, your voice dripping with confidence. “Always.”

Ekko leaned in slightly, his eyebrows raised. “Oh, really?” he asked teasingly.

“Yup. Vi,” you said with no hesitation. “She’s really hot—pink hair, tattoos on her back. God, I would love to take a ride on h—”

“Oh, fuck no,” Ekko interrupted, his voice sharp as his expression shifted to something between disbelief and warning.

You blinked, startled by his sudden tone. “What?!”

Ekko groaned, running a hand down his face. “She’s a player, (Y/N). I should know. She’s on the soccer team with Jayce. Don’t mess with her—you’ll get hurt. Real shit.”

You frowned, confused by his sudden seriousness. “What are you talking about? She seemed fine when I talked to her earlier.”

He pushed off the wall and crossed his arms again, his expression dark. “I’ve seen it happen. She’s got game, yeah, but not the kind you want. I don’t like the way she moves. I used to hang out with her, but I stopped for a reason. The only time I’m even around her is when Jayce is.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. “Okay, but maybe she’s different now.”

Ekko narrowed his eyes at you, unimpressed. “Look, I’m just saying—don’t let her mess with your head, (Y/N). You’re better than that. Just…be careful, okay?”

You rolled your eyes, though a small part of you appreciated his concern. “Fine, Dad.”

When you got home, Ekko’s warning was the last thing on your mind. Vi was texting you, and there was no way you were going to ignore her. She was too hot not to respond to. Balancing your bag on your shoulder and your coffee cup in one hand, you pushed the door shut with your foot. As soon as the door clicked behind you, you checked your phone again, a grin spreading across your face as you read her latest message.

Heading upstairs, you scrolled through the playful back-and-forth between you and Vi, feeling giddy. The attention she was giving you was addictive. You were so lost in the conversation that you didn’t notice Jayce stepping out of the bathroom until you nearly bumped into him.

He stood there with a towel slung around his waist, droplets of water still clinging to his skin. He raised an eyebrow as he noticed the stupid grin on your face. “The fuck are you smiling about, dopey?” he teased, crossing his arms over his chest. “You look a little too gay right now.”

You rolled your eyes and brushed past him. “Ha, ha, hilarious,” you muttered, holding your phone a little closer as you tried to move toward your room.

But Jayce wasn’t going to let it go. He reached over and snatched the phone right out of your hand.

“Jayce! What the fuck!” you yelped, spinning around and reaching for it.

Jayce held it out of your reach, laughing as he glanced at the screen. But his laughter quickly died when he saw the name at the top of the conversation. His eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “You’re fucking around with Vi?” he asked, his tone dripping with judgment.

“It’s the first day, so not yet, clearly,” you snapped, grabbing your phone back with an irritated glare.

Before you could retreat to your room, Jayce stepped in front of you, blocking your path. His expression shifted to something more serious, almost protective. “Whatever you’re doing with her, stop. She’s a close friend of mine, and she gets around, (Y/N). It’ll be awkward as hell, and on top of that, I’m not trying to get embarrassed by you.”

You rolled your eyes, brushing past him. “Whatever,” you muttered dismissively, though his words stung.

Jayce didn’t move from where he stood, following you with his eyes as you turned toward the stairs. “Hey, wait. Are you going to the bonfire tonight?”

You stopped and turned to face him. “Yeah, Ekko has a date, so I need a ride. Can you take me? Mom and Dad still haven’t gotten me a car yet, so I’m stuck.”

Jayce shook his head immediately, folding his arms again. “Oh, you’re not going. No way. Vi’s gonna be there, and that’s officially off fucking limits.”

Your jaw dropped in disbelief. “What? What the fuck, Jayce! I can’t even go socialize?”

Jayce gave you a hard look. “You’re not going to socialize, (Y/N). I know how you are when it comes to alcohol and…other shit. Or do I need to call Mom and tell her you need to go back to Italy after I let you relapse?”

His words hit you like a slap. Your stomach dropped as anger flared in your chest, and your eyes burned with unshed tears. “Fuck you, Jayce,” you said, your voice trembling with a mix of rage and hurt. “What a low blow.”

You yanked your arm out of his grip and stormed up the stairs, slamming your bedroom door shut behind you. You locked it for good measure, leaning against it as hot tears began to roll down your cheeks.

Outside the door, Jayce’s voice softened, guilt creeping into his tone. “Wait, sis… I didn’t mean it seriously,” he said, knocking lightly.

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t even look at him right now.

When it became clear you weren’t going to answer, Jayce sighed. “Let me know if you want anything to eat when I get back,” he said quietly before walking away. The sound of his footsteps faded down the hall, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

While you sat on your bed, still upset over the argument with Jayce, your phone buzzed. You glanced at it, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw it was a text from Vi.

Vi: Are you coming to the bonfire party? I wanna see you.

You hesitated for a moment before typing back.

You: Can’t. My brother’s not letting me go. And I don’t have a car. He was my only ride.

Her reply came almost instantly.

Vi: Well, I have a car. Give me your location and get ready. I’ll pick you up, beautiful.

A grin spread across your face despite everything, and you quickly sent her your location. Tossing your phone onto the bed, you sprang up and went straight to your closet. You scanned your options until you finally settled on a black fitted mini-dress paired with, a denim jacket draped off your shoulders, and chunky black boots. The look was edgy yet flirty—perfect for a night out.

You glanced in the mirror and realized your makeup was a mess from crying. Grabbing a makeup wipe, you cleaned up the smudges, reapplying your eyeliner and lipstick carefully. After smoothing out your hair and giving yourself one last look-over, your phone buzzed again.

“I’m parked outside the complex,” the text read.

“Shit,” you muttered, scrambling to find a cute bag. You tossed your phone, keys, wallet, and lip gloss inside, then rushed out the door.

As you left your apartment complex, you gave the doorman a quick wave. “Goodnight!” you called, like always.

“Have fun!” he replied with a knowing smile.

Outside, a sleek car idled by the curb. You spotted Vi leaning against the driver’s side, her pink hair glowing under the streetlights. She grinned when she saw you, and as soon as you slid into the passenger seat, she leaned over and kissed you.

You froze for a second, caught off guard, but then you melted into the kiss, returning it shyly. When she pulled back, her smirk was devilish.

“Nice place you live at,” she said, glancing at the complex as she started driving. “A friend of mine stays in one of these apartments. You must have a lot of money to live here.”

You shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Vi gave you a quick side glance, her smile softening. “Well, good for me. I like spoiled girls,” she teased.

As soon as you and Vi stepped onto the sandy beach where the bonfire party was in full swing, she casually draped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you in close. The heat of the fire reflected in her smirk as she held you there like she had no care in the world.

Immediately, you pulled away, glancing around to make sure no one—especially your brother—had noticed. “Stop,” you hissed, swatting at her arm. “You’re going to blow my cover. I’m not even supposed to be here, remember?”

Vi chuckled, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her ripped jeans, clearly enjoying your paranoia. “Fine, fine,” she relented. “But text me when you’re ready to leave.”

“Where are you going?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m gonna go find Jayce and keep him occupied,” she said with a smirk, already scanning the crowd. “Don’t worry, princess. I got you.”

“Cool,” you said with a nod before slipping away from her, weaving through the bodies of drunken students and the glow of the bonfire’s flickering flames.

Your eyes darted across the party until they landed on Ekko. He was in the middle of a crowd, dancing with a girl who had strikingly light blue hair, her movements wild and carefree as they swayed to the music.

“Hey, Ekko!” you called out over the sound of the music.

Ekko turned his head at the sound of your voice, a grin forming when he spotted you pushing through the crowd toward him. “(Y/N)!” He gestured for you to come closer. “This is Jinx. Jinx, this is (Y/N), my best friend since middle school.”

You smiled, sticking out a hand for her to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Instead of shaking your hand, Jinx’s face lit up, and she immediately pulled you into a tight hug. “Sorry, but I’m a hugger, girl,” she said, squeezing you before letting go. “And middle school? That’s so adorable!”

You chuckled. “Yep. We used to do chemistry projects together in high school and blow shit up. My parents had to pay millions.”

Ekko laughed, shaking his head. “Yup, we were menaces,” he agreed, nudging you playfully.

Jinx grinned, eyes flickering between the two of you. “I like you already.”

The party was loud, the music pulsing through the air as laughter and shouts filled the night. You were mid-conversation with Jinx when suddenly, a random frat guy shoved an opened Cayman Jack into your hands. The condensation from the bottle chilled your skin as you instinctively curled your fingers around it.

“Chug, pretty thang,” he slurred, grinning like he had just offered you the holy grail.

“Oh, um… no, it’s okay. I’m taking a break from drinking,” you said, trying to hand it back to him.

Instead of taking the rejection, he popped the cap off with his thumb and shoved it back toward you, his eyes wild with excitement. “Chug!” he chanted.

At first, it was just him, but soon, others joined in, the word picking up like a wave, echoing louder and louder around you. "Chug! Chug! Chug!"

Ekko shot you a worried look, his lips parting as if he was about to intervene, but before he could, the pressure of a dozen eyes on you—waiting, watching, expecting—became too much. Without thinking, you tilted your head back and downed the entire drink, the carbonation burning your throat, the alcohol hitting your stomach like a rock.

“There, happy?” you said, shoving the now-empty can into the frat guy’s chest.

He let out a cheer, eyes gleaming with drunken satisfaction. Then, in a final act of bravado, he crushed the can against his forehead with a loud crack and stumbled off into the crowd.

Ekko’s hand was on your shoulder in an instant, his grip firm but gentle. “Fuck…” you muttered, your stomach twisting. Your fingers trembled slightly, your body already remembering the ghosts of your past. “I haven’t had a drink since I…”

Ekko rubbed your shoulder reassuringly. “I’ll get you some water.” His voice was calm, but you saw the worry in his eyes. He turned to Jinx. “Watch her for me?”

Jinx gave a quick nod, her face uncharacteristically serious.

Ekko disappeared into the crowd, leaving you standing there with the taste of alcohol still lingering on your tongue.

“What’s wrong?” Jinx asked, tilting her head.

“I—I just…” Your voice faltered.

Before you could finish, a voice sliced through the noise, sharp and furious.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Your stomach dropped. You turned to see Jayce standing a few feet away, his face twisted with anger, his fists clenched at his sides.

“I’m just hanging out, Jayce,” you said, trying to keep your voice even.

Jayce scoffed, stepping closer. “(Y/N), I can smell the alcohol on your breath.” His eyes darkened, his voice tight with frustration. “Shit, dude—not even a whole two weeks and you’re already relapsing?”

Your throat tightened. “I’m not relapsing. I was just pressured into taking a drink by those stupid frat boys,” you argued.

“Bullshit,” Jayce snapped.

Ekko returned just in time, a bottle of water in his hand, but he barely had time to process what was happening before Jayce was right in your face again.

You barely heard him, your mind spiraling as the weight of his words sank in.

Yes, you were an addict in high school.

After your dad’s death, you took it harder than anyone else in your family. You fell in with the wrong people, numbing the pain however you could. The night you overdosed, you had been left in an alley, a needle in your arm, your body convulsing, vomiting, barely clinging to life.

Your mother couldn’t handle it anymore.

Instead of sending you to rehab, she sent you to Italy—far away, somewhere new, somewhere she hoped you could start over. And you did. You got therapy. You worked on yourself. You fixed yourself.

But now, standing here with Jayce looking at you like you were a failure, it felt like all that progress meant nothing.

His next words shattered whatever was left of your resolve.

“Go home,” he said coldly. “I don’t care how you get home—just go.”

Then, without waiting for a response, he turned and walked away, leaving you standing there, your vision blurring with tears.

Ekko’s hand found yours, squeezing it gently. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”

Jinx nodded, stepping closer. “Yeah, I’ll come too.”

You swallowed hard, forcing down the lump in your throat. “Thanks. Just—let me say goodbye to someone first.”

Ekko nodded. “Cool. We’ll wait by the car.”

He took Jinx’s hand, leading her toward the parking lot, leaving you alone in the middle of the party, feeling like the ground beneath you was slowly cracking apart.

You pushed through the crowd, weaving between sweaty, drunken bodies, the pulse of the music thrumming in your ears. The fire in the middle of the yard crackled, casting flickering orange light over the partygoers gathered around it. Your breath was shallow as you scanned the area, searching for Vi.

And then you saw her.

She was standing by the fire, her red hair illuminated by the flames, her toned arms flexing slightly as she laughed at something. But she wasn’t alone.

A girl with long blue hair stood close—too close. She traced her fingers up and down Vi’s arm, her nails dragging over the inked skin like she had every right to touch her. Vi smirked, that signature, cocky grin that made your heart race earlier in the night. But now, it only made your stomach twist.

Then, before you could even process what was happening, Vi grabbed the girl by the waist and pulled her in. Their lips crashed together in a deep, messy kiss—not just a casual peck, not like the ones you and Vi had shared. This was something more. Their bodies were flush, Vi’s hands gripping the girl’s hips, their mouths moving like they’d done this before.

You felt a lump in your throat, but not because you were heartbroken. No, this wasn’t heartbreak. It was disappointment.

Because everyone was right.

Vi was a player. A flirt. She wasn’t the kind of girl to settle down—not even for you.

Without a second thought, you turned away, pushing through the crowd with more force this time, ignoring the people who grumbled or stumbled in your wake. Vi didn’t even see you.

By the time you reached the car, Ekko and Jinx were already waiting.

“You good?” Ekko asked as you slid into the backseat.

You didn’t answer. You just stared out the window, watching as buildings and trees blurred past. The streetlights flickered across your face, casting shadows that stretched and disappeared.

You didn’t cry.

You didn’t even feel angry.

You just felt disgusted.

For the first time in two years, that familiar, suffocating feeling crept back in—the one that made your skin crawl, the one that made you want to disappear.

taglist <3 : @mommymilkers0526 @rhian88 @wrappedinvines @nanajustnana-a @prettybunnyscorner @s7nburn @ghutzz4gutz @pornoangelz @veladeangl @chaengluva @hauntedbydreams @taurtel @lorasdolly @catvi6luvr @savedforlaterr @eggphobic @alex-thegiraffeboyy @artfairyyyyy @jordynhartley2001 @ellieslefttit @h0n3yf0rlif3 @rizzscary @bjjeweledx @cherrybomb2298

[jjenthusee]

Like The Sun

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Summary: As your relationship deepens, you have to face some unsolved feelings. It can be frightening, but a little bit of honesty can take you far.

Tags: no y/n, slight miscommunication but nothing too painful (i hope), fluff, hurt/comfort, jason is learning to communicate, reader is also bad at communicating lol, trigger warning: grief

Word Count: 5.0k

Ten days.

Ten full days since you went completely silent on Jason. No contact, no phone calls, just a couple messages to make sure you were alive, but nothing more.

Ten full days and he hadn’t burst through the front door by tracking your phone and coming up with thirty-four complete ways you could possibly be tied limb-to-limb in an abandoned warehouse.

And it took one message. A single text to start the pitfall of a week.

You: Hey Jay, I’m gonna stay home tonight, just need the evening to myself.

Sending the message was difficult enough, but there was no use in pushing yourself outside your apartment door that day.

Everything felt off from the morning.

The way your water tasted, the breakfast you tried to stomach, the feel of your clothes on your skin.

It didn’t make it any better that your hair wasn’t styling right, your washer was acting up, and it was your last straw when you stained your kitchen counter.

But nothing made your heart drop like seeing Jason read your message. There was the same three dots reappearing and disappearing until it left the screen completely.

Jason was thinking most likely. Maybe analyzing how this possibly surfaced.

He was very keen on your behaviors, your mannerisms, and he knew the words you tended to use the most. He knew how you couldn’t remember specific words when you were excitedly telling him a story. He also knew you picked at your nails when you were deep in thought.

You knew he was analyzing.

And it was just your luck that he was a damn good detective.

You could picture the way his eyebrows would downcast far enough to shield over his eyelids as he looked over his phone. It was likely he would be radiating, building an intensity around him as he focused to understand what was happening.

It was a new habit he was picking up the longer he knew you. A habit developed from his effort to not jump from one extreme to another. He started to deeply consider his next moves, what words wouldn’t give off the wrong impression, and how to get even a thread closer to knowing what you needed.

It was the most thought he had given to his personal relationships in a long time.

Then one thumbs up emoji later, you felt a weird sense of relief and guilt for the alone time you asked for because you knew better than to go completely silent.

But you were even more surprised that he was allowing you to be this silent. It was almost funny that he had reasoned with himself to send a single emoji after all that build up.

Last year, one dead phone and multiple missed calls had him ready to tear down Gotham City for an entire evening. You thought he wouldn’t do such a thing, but he had done it before, so—just maybe, a second time wasn’t impossible.

But this behavior was new. For him and for you.

But it also was a time of change in your relationship. A major shift from just platonic to understanding where romance was going to take the two of you.

He must’ve been holding back because you asked him directly for it. He was complying and only tried to contact you back with only a single phone call you didn’t answer and a couple messages that you managed to respond, ironically, with a thumbs up.

This would hurt Jason and you knew for sure it was hurting you.

But words are easier to sugarcoat and your actions were too honest, too raw to cover up with excuses.

Now, ten long days later, you had sent no new messages to him in two days because there was just a lot of time where you let your mind blankly go through the week.

You hoped this would end soon, but you needed some time to sit in your apartment with no rush to think about anything else.

And sometimes that started with boiling some water for a quick meal of some decently made pasta.

You watched as the water start to slowly boil with the steam radiating off the top of the pot. You stood from the side of the kitchen counter, pausing from chopping some veggies for the sauce.

Everything felt so eerily quiet. The usual busy street outside the window felt weirdly muted. It was late, but even this much silence for Gotham felt unusual in an unsettling way.

Less cars were honking and the city lights protruded the thin curtains over your windows. The warmest light that was let in was from the lamp near your couch and the overhead stove light.

Your blank mind kept coming in waves. But you started to realize that grief was like that. It was hard on your mind and body despite having a good day because something always reminds you—it makes you remember the deep, ingrained loss.

If the torture of grief was already hard enough for losing one person, it wasn’t easy that it brought you back to the heart-wrenching night of also losing Jason.

It was a twisted game that life repeatedly stabbed you with and you were the player they decided to pick on.

Since Jason came back to life, to Gotham, and to you, you never knew what to do with the unresolved mixed emotions. There wasn’t many people to ask for advice on how to deal with this healthily. You already felt crazy enough trying to google it.

Fsshhh.

The water you were supposed to be watching was boiling over quickly and broke you out of your depressing thoughts. You had to lean over just enough to not burn your skin from the sloshing water while adjusting the switch on the stove to turn off the burner as the water simmered down.

“Crap.” You turned to try to grab the kitchen towel but realized you had thrown it near the cutting board you were using.

With one swoop of the fabric, you hadn’t realized the rag was inched enough below the handle of the knife that it flung the entire blade to the floor, nearly missing cutting your foot.

You gasped a moment too late as you witnessed too many bad things happening one after another.

Everything felt even worse once you remembered it was your only clean knife. You hadn’t bothered washing any of the dirty dishes from the past week of staying home from work.

Not a breath later, you startled at your phone buzzing on the counter and a light knock echoing from your window.

——

Silence.

It scared the hell out of Jason.

It reminded him of how alone he felt and was.

It left too much room to think and to get one step closer to spiraling.

That’s why Gotham, as shit as it was some days, had him glad for how busy the place was. He could hide in its chaos that never wavered even for all the masked vigilantes of the night.

It wasn’t in his interest to follow the caped family and he easily fixed the bothersome brothers with a good block on his phone and wiping his existence as much as he could. It also didn’t hurt to make a deal with the Oracle, so it left one less person capable of helping the others find him.

Sometimes it was easier when they gave up on some days. Like how they were busy with their own lives to try to meddle in his for a couple hours.

Luckily, this was just another night of opportunity to get his business done without domino masks blocking his way. Then he would grapple back to your familiar path to see if you were up for an early walk up the emergency stairs to your apartment rooftop.

He always looked forward to watching the way the sun reflected in your eyes and that intense feeling in his chest had Jason wanting to drag you out every morning if he could.

As much as Jason wanted to zero in on his daydreams of sunrises and the chaos of letting Gotham seep back into his skin, he was looking at his locked phone screen on the top of a run-down movie theater he was patrolling on. He was trying to investigate a drug drop to see who he was going to put a couple holes in for the evening, but the wind that invaded his leather jacket felt chilling and the vibration from his pocket had him wondering.

Suddenly the chill in his bones was blurring the message you sent and struck his nerves almost as badly as the nights he spent locked and surrounded by screeching metal, but he smacked his helmet with the back of his pistol before he could start a painful hallucination back to those times.

Pain rung in his wrist, but that wouldn’t get in his way of clearing up the punching bags walking below his feet, unaware of what was in store for them.

But the most surprising thing he’d seen that night was from the tiny screen illuminating the dark alley he stood in as the knocked-out bodies of the men he was tailing laid around his feet.

It was confusing.

Jason had thought there was progress in whatever relationship he was developing with you, but like an axe had been taken to his heart, reality hit him that maybe that was too good to be true.

The sensation of his buzzing helmet that knocked him from bad memories to reality was starting to strain his neck.

But he wouldn’t be able to solve the problem in his hand with another swing of his pistol.

Jason was trying not to sway, to not let the words spin and double from the phone.

“An evening…to myself.” Jason mumbled as he read the end of the message out loud.

What the hell could he say to this?

His eyebrows lowered the more he tried to think, but his overthinking tendencies were besting him.

It was out of the question that he was going to tell you ‘no.’ How could he refuse you some alone time?

He’d done enough of bailing on you over the last couple months when he felt overwhelmed, so Jason felt in no position to stop you from this.

He had improved that horrible behavior from the moment your affection was becoming more bolder, but he didn’t think it was worthy enough of a change to prevent something you wanted.

He had gotten a stern lecture from you the last time he raided the entire underground criminal ring to see if someone had taken you.

Once he realized an uncharged phone almost had him eliminating the entire criminal population of Gotham City, he realized he didn’t understand the extent of his feelings.

Jason was letting himself get deeper into the relationship you allowed him to build with you and now it scared the hell out of him that you were gone before he could tell you about any of it.

And like the continuing coward he knew he was, you still didn’t know about it.

Jason dragged a glove down his face, but hit the metal of his helmet and it smoothly glided down before he could not let himself think about this anymore.

It would have gone smoothly if Jason had the emotional intelligence skills to handle this, but not only did he realize he was a coward, he was also just stupid.

“A thumbs-up?”

The sudden voice coming from Jason’s helmet had him jumping out of his skin. On instinct, he readily held his pistol with his finger ready on the trigger.

His hands were faster than his mind because he realized that annoying voice was from Oracle herself.

“I have to reprogram this damn helmet again.” Jason groaned, putting his weapon back into his holster and putting his phone away fully from the prying eyes.

“I’m glad to hear that you’re fine, Ja—“

“Red. Hood. We’ve been over this. It’s Red Hood.”

The silence from his helmet had Jason feeling somewhat guilty for the attitude he was giving the one person who tried to have patience with him, but she always struck a nerve of boundaries with him.

“Why are you tracking me and seeing my camera feed? This was off limits according to our deal.” Jason picked up the bodies of the men he knocked out and dragged them against the nearest dirtied brick wall.

“We also agreed on no casualties.” Babs argued back.

“Relax, you hacker. They’re still alive…for the night.” Jason lowered his voice when it reached the truth.

“Ja—Red Hood, this isn’t in the deal either.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll give ‘em something to survive into tomorrow. Now stop snooping.” Jason grabbed some medical supplies from his utility belt.

“I didn’t mean to read your messages, I just noticed the lack of movement from you for the night. I wanted to check in.”

“From my helmet feed?”

“Okay, it was going to be a quick look because I know how much you avoid these chats.” Babs sighed, rubbing her temple above her headset. “And I must say, a thumbs up wasn’t a better idea than what I did.”

“That’s enough.” Jason felt a headache forming.

“Wait—“

The call was over as Jason powered off his helmet’s extensive features and opted for no settings, but a plain red helmet.

“I don’t have time for this.” He mumbled, fighting the itch to just run back to your place, but that wasn’t an option anymore.

As he stood from the dark alley, Jason couldn’t hear anything, but an eery quiet.

He knew it was going to be a long night, but he didn’t realize it would be much longer than that.

A long silence.

God, Jason hated it, but your silence was all he wanted right now, he needed it.

——

You reached for the bright screen illuminating the muted kitchen and read the familiar name you had been avoiding.

Jay: brought some food Alfred dropped by for me earlier, thought you would want a piece since it’s your favorite.

Jay: left it outside the window, leaving now

You hopped over the knife still on the floor, running toward the closed window. In one motion, you were throwing aside the blinds, holding on to your phone, and prying open the curtains while trying to open the window.

You had tangled up the blinds, but you didn’t care in your rush to see a glimpse of the vigilante possibly still outside on the emergency exit ledge.

When you managed to peek out to feel the cold evening air, your eyes searched for the red helmet. For any sort of glint of light that bounced off his patrol gear, but nothing caught your eye.

It was like searching for a shadow in the dark, but like hell did you give everything in you to try to search for him.

When you gave up, your eyebrows crinkled in disappointment as your breaths caught in warm puffs from the rapid exhales. Then as you looked down to calm yourself, you saw the familiar lunch bag that Alfred used for deliveries. It struck something deep in your chest.

All this avoiding was hurting you.

You wanted Jason.

You needed him right now.

It was so simple, but you didn’t realize it until you saw the warm meal, the clumsy but patient silence from Jason to respect your space, and how completely exhausted you were of being alone in such a painful time.

You wanted the one man that you knew would lay with you through the hell of your mind.

You: how long until patrol is over?

You: i’ll wait for you

Within seconds, a response popped up.

Jay: On my way

With half your body still outside your window, you felt your arms shiver and your skin prick, but you lightly smiled into the brightness of your phone. A dry laugh almost came out at the relief that he was coming back.

In one soft leap and the release of a grapple wire, you finally saw the red helmet meet your eyes.

“What’s wrong? Did someone break in? Did I say something wrong?” Jason’s voice broke out of the modulated voice, morphing into his usual raspy one as he pulled off the helmet. His domino mask stuck to his face still blocking his eyes from you, but you perfectly watched how his eyes moved to the phone in your hand down to the untouched lunch bag. “Oh no, did I accidentally smush the food? Maybe I swung it too hard on my way here—“

You reached forward, your stomach digging into the window stool, but you didn’t care as you gripped the collar of his leather jacket. Pulling him toward you as he let you maneuver his body into your arms.

You squeezed him, pushing your face into the crevice of his neck and feeling his soft touch of his skin against yours, the slight smell of his sweat from the exertion he puts his body through every night on patrol, and the shared shampoo you bought together.

It just felt right.

A cloudy night sky, the moon barely peaking out to brighten the late night, all to grace the outline of the man held tightly in your arms.

“I missed you.” You whispered, as lightly as possible, so just you and the moon would hear what you said, but Jason rested his hands on your back and squeezed, crinkling your shirt in between his fingers.

“I’m right here.”

After a couple moments of breathing in his scent, Jason gently pulled you out of the safety of his neck and looked at you. You traced his arms and shoulders, to trail his neck with your fingers. Lightly sending shivers up his skin as you reached his stubble on his jaw.

The prick on your skin felt too good as you kept moving your hands to the edges of the mask.

You felt the smooth edge, ready to press your fingers to remove it to see Jason’s clear eyes. Before you could begin to peel it off, Jason held your wrists, halting them from doing anything more than what you planned.

“Please. Please, not out here.” He pleaded, heavily breathing into the minimal space between your faces.

You nodded in response, your throat too closed up in emotions to say anything.

You moved your body from the window and Jason moved one foot inside, taking the lunch bag and his helmet with him.

You stood closely to him, not giving him enough space to freely pull himself comfortably inside, but you wanted to try to push your luck tonight in being as physically close as you could without making him feel uncomfortable.

Once Jason closed the window and attempted to straighten the tangled blinds, he noted the clear mess you left in a hurry.

Before he could comment on it, you stepped toward him. Resting your forehead onto his chest plate.

It was so cold, but it also brought relief to how heated your face was getting in your unusual clingy behavior.

But this was Jason. Your Jay.

You looked up. Looking into the white eyes of the mask irritated you. You regained your motivation to remove it, he wouldn’t stop you now that you were inside the apartment.

With dim lights and a warm glow on one side of his face, you retraced your steps, feeling his chest rise under your palms.

It felt magnificent to watch the way your touch and gaze made him react. It touched you how willing and clumsily he tried to hide these unconscious responses.

You felt the edge of the domino mask again, feeling your finger try to part the specially made material from his skin. Once you got a good grip, you took it off his face, watching his eyes open to see you.

It was breathtaking how much you missed his presence despite you wanting to be away from it.

You used your thumbs to trace his eye bags. They looked much darker than the last time you saw them.

“You’re not mad?” Jason hesitantly asked, grabbing the loose fabric of your shirt again, smoothing out any wrinkles.

“I was never mad.” You let him continue to pick at your shirt.

“It's been ten days. I’ve been worried out of my mind trying to not barge in here.” Jason leaned into your hand still on his face. “But the last time I did that you were pissed.” He dryly chuckled, less amused, but sadly letting his voice out.

“I’m sorry I didn’t explain anything. It’s just another case of…grief.” You breathed out the confession. “It’s not an excuse, but it hasn’t been easy on me right now.”

Jason silently grabbed your hand to kiss the inside of your palm, it made the pain of making him wait for you worse, but also eased your worries.

“I feel so pathetic telling you all of this.” You exhaustedly admitted to the man lovingly holding your hands over his face.

“No, no, please don’t say that, I would never want you to feel like that.” He worriedly looked down at you. Trying his best to read your thoughts through his eyes. “I only want to be right here, even if you feel at your lowest.”

As he continued to read you, he hesitated, trying to determine his next words.

“I admit that I asked Alfred to make his signature dish for you. I know how much you like it and it was the only way I could think to get close enough to your apartment without disturbing you.” His hair drooped with his words. It was almost comical how in tune his hair was with his frowning expression.

You smiled.

“Thank you for doing that. It actually helped me to realize how much I wanted you next to me, but I was too stubborn about it.” You pushed Jason’s droopy hair out of his eyes, watching the dark and white strands mix together. “You know me too well.”

“Don’t be too forgiving, I might have completely ruined your dinner.” Jason finally smiled.

God, you missed that look.

“You saved it actually, I made a complete mess before I got your message.”

“That explains the knife on the floor.” Jason locked onto the blade, not at all pleased at the danger it became.

“Nearly sliced my toe.”

“That’s actually really bad.”

“We can worry about that later, I want to eat the meal Alfred packed. Can you eat with me?” You asked, trying to get his attention back on you.

“Okay, let me take my gear off.”

Within moments you sat at your dining table when Jason reappeared in comfortable clothes. He had changed into a hoodie he left previously and some sweats.

You didn’t bother turning on more lights when Jason picked up the knife on your kitchen floor and lightly cleaned the counters before he felt content enough to sit next to you.

You didn’t say much during your meal. The light awkwardness was settling when you realized you never cleared up what was going on inside your mind and led to your disappearance.

He must have had questions. He was being very careful in approaching you today.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He said nonchalantly.

“What?”

“You don’t have to say anything. At least if you don’t feel like it today.” Jason picked at his food. Moving the pieces around rather than trying to pick up something. “I didn’t come here to ask you for anything. But…I won’t go anywhere.”

You stared at him, watching his side profile relieve the doubt in your mind.

“When I turned around…she wasn’t there.” You spoke. Finally letting the truth out as Jason perked his head to you. “I always turned around before I left, so when I turned around this time to see her, I wasn’t prepared to not meet her eyes. When she wasn’t right there, it was just…so painful.”

Jason put down his eating utensil, listening and watching you do the opposite and focus in on the metal in your hands.

“It was so random. I was at the grocery store when I was buying ingredients for dinner and unconsciously, I started buying stuff she liked. Y’know, I barely cried through the funeral service, but I saw everything in her. I remembered sharing meals with her and when I realized I had everything she enjoyed in my basket, I left before I could cry in the aisles.”

Jason grabbed your hand, squeezing every time you tried to blink back tears, but the burn in your eyes wouldn’t go away.

“I can’t have meals with her anymore.” You shakily said out loud like the still waves of grief were finally crashing down onto you as you spoke into existence what you ran from.

“But, despite all the pain I was feeling, I also thought of you, Jay. It was so hard to grasp my love for you after you left me when we were kids. You lived with so much love and I’m glad you shared that with me—“

“No, I didn’t live anything like that—“ Jason refused your words, he knew he didn’t deserve it.

“But, you did. I felt it and many other people did. I realized I never properly mourned you that day and I just pushed it down until the two of us were in a dark alley entangled back into each other’s lives.”

Jason couldn’t think of anything to say, so he let you continue to speak.

“We handled too much as kids and I can’t imagine the pressures that you had to go through. Bruce, Robin, the trauma. I know you try not to think much about the past, but you deserve to grieve who you were and the kid you could’ve been.”

You finally looked up, feeling worked up enough to fully face Jason. You saw his wide eyes as he couldn’t say anything despite his mouth trying to move. To voice something to you.

Then his eyes calmed as he started to organize his thoughts, taking in the vulnerability you so willingly placed in front of him.

Fighting the bile and tears he was trying to fiercely push down, he could only handle so much at a time.

Maybe you were right.

Maybe he could grieve, but he didn’t know how yet.

So, he would focus on the first thing he decided to do. It was to speak the truth.

“But…I wouldn’t take back that first life I had. I met you, we faced some horrible people because of Robin, but the fact is…that I spent my first life loving you. Sometimes that thought is the only thing that can get me through those days—when time really feels like it’ll stop again. It scares the absolute shit outta me.”

“Jay…”

“Who would’ve thought that I lost all of that, but how did I still get lucky enough to get a second chance with you? I honestly can’t believe it some—most days.”

He wouldn’t look at you, the heavy air of vulnerability surrounding the space between you. A lovely grip that kept your eyes focused on the man next to you.

“I just…I debated whether we should even be in contact. But some part of me also wanted to take back this part of the old me. To let me have something. Even if that is just staying next to you. I think it’s why I freak out when I don’t hear from you.”

You got up to stand next to Jason’s chair. You reached out to test touching his shoulder, lightly threading your fingers over his hoodie. When he didn’t back away, you moved to hug him, to hold his head against your chest. As you laid your head on top of his, Jason moved into your warmth. Wrapping his arms around your waist.

It hurt to hear that Jason felt like nothing of who he was before his death, but you could see the ingrained part of him that never changed.

Sure, he was growing up and being influenced by not only Bruce anymore, but you were there to stay.

“I won’t leave you in the dark again, I learned that I can’t do this alone. I know we can’t change over night, but I want you to know that your presence right now is enough. You are enough, Jay.” You rubbed his head and back.

Jason felt his eyes sting, so he held you against him a little harder, squeezing you as desperately as he felt. Trying to cover his face and let himself sink into your body.

It was silent again.

But Jason didn’t hate it. At all.

——

“My eyes are so puffy. I can’t believe you dragged me up here. I haven’t gotten an ounce of sleep.” You complained as you trudge up the steps to the roof.

Jason followed right behind making sure to hold onto the railing and watching your every step. Then he started to rub your lower back to soothe your complaints.

He didn’t feel guilty about it any of it though.

“You’re carrying me down ‘cause I’m not making the same trip down.” You grumbled along to your steps.

“That’s not a good idea, I don’t want to risk it.” Jason easily paced next to you.

Vigilante stamina was something else.

“Says the guy who grapples everywhere. Why can’t we grapple down?”

“The sun’s almost out. We missed the chance.” Jason smiled as he helped gently push you up the final steps.

When you made it up the final climb, you felt the slight sweat prickle your skin and Jason’s lips touch your forehead.

Within seconds, you plopped onto the ledge, feeling Jason securely wrap himself around you and ready for any sort of emergency.

“You must really like sunrises.” You exhaled to catch your breath and leaned your head onto his shoulder, the muscle was perfect to put your weight on.

“Not really.” Jason intertwined your hand with his.

“I’m too tired to get mad at you. I’ll do it after we have a nap.” You sleepily yawned.

“Heh, alright.” Jason held you tight.

It was a quiet morning. The rare weather allowed a clear sky to watch the sky change colors and illuminate.

And Jason was focused on none of it.

——

A/N: wow! this was longer than i imagined it would be and i waited to have a little space for me to talk :) but im back after being silent for a while. it wasn’t planned and sadly before the year ended, i lost my grandma and it was a lot to deal with. grief is no joke on how it works, BUT i’ve set some time to really take a step back and focus on myself. i didn’t mean for this writing to go in that direction, but i tend to get inspiration from parts of my life to make the writing feel more genuine. This page has made me laugh, talk to amazing people, and share these writing when I thought they wouldn’t go anywhere but my phone. it’s such a comforting thought that some ppl look forward to seeing something new from jjenthusee! 🤍 ik the world isn’t the best right now, it’s hard to deal with, but please take care of yourselves and enjoy a little bit of jason for yours truly 😊 please leave positive comments, spam a like or two, and have some flowers 💐

[bookshelf-dust]

relief

evan buckley x fem!reader

gif by @suledins

PSA IF YOU’RE A MINOR: GET THE FUCK OFF MY PORCH BEFORE I WHOOP YOUR ASS. THIS FIC IS STRICTLY 18+. I RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES, YOU RESPECT MINE.

word count: 6,568

warnings: nsfw 18+ only; swearing, inexperienced!reader, mentions of therapy/insecurities regarding inexperience, conversations about sex, heavy petting, fingering

synopsis: buck is a walking golden retriever. when he asks you out for the first time and begins to learn more about his arson-investigating coworker, it’s easy to say he puts that eagerness to use.

a/n: this is the very first smut fic i have EVER written (aside from some old old dirty nsfw headcanons). that being said, please bear with me, because this stuff is hard!! shoutout to all the wonderful writers who do this all the time because phew! 🤧 i am pretty happy with how this turned out, and i’m proud of myself for writing for a new character and trying something totally different from my norm! i had no plan of direction for this fic when i started it, but i hope the end result will resonate with some of you, and if it doesn’t, i still hope it gives you some good feelings and a little escape from this fuck ass world <33

————

Evan Buckley is a hellishly gorgeous man. Oftentimes, you have to remind yourself that he’s real—that he’s not some sort of mirage, a result of your constant sleep deprived state. He’s the kind of breathtaking that you find to be unfair.

You started working for the 118 as their house arson investigator three months ago. Captain Nash soothed every nerve you had going in, showing you to your quaint little office, introducing you to everyone else in the house. You’d definitely needed the comfort of that transition, but hadn’t expected your colleagues to be so welcoming. 

You were transferred as part of a greater Los Angeles initiative to create stronger communication and collaboration between the first responders and specialized investigators, as so much of their jobs go hand-in-hand. Although you’re pretty sure it’s only because the department heads get sick of answering follow-up questions about causes of fires—if people had insurance, if it was an accident or an attack, etc. 

So they split up you and the rest of your original team into varying firehouses so that there would always be an arson investigator on hand. And if there’s any foul play, then the police can be contacted quicker, as the investigator becomes a direct source to target those issues. You’d complain about all these silly loopholes if it weren’t for the fact that you’d gotten a pretty raise for your trouble. 

In truth, working with the 118 is the most useful you’ve felt in a long time. You know you’re good at your job, and you’d tell anyone who asked that you’ve done the work and you know that to be true. This opportunity has allowed you so much more field work than you could’ve imagined, which excites you. And there is the benefit of the eye-candy your coworker provides. 

Which is why, each time Buck approaches you, you have to blink a few times, press your nails into your palm, do something to ground yourself so that you might be able to carry on a conversation with him. Tonight though, he’s managed to sneak up on you, giving you no time to seem more like a sociable human being. 

“Hey, uh, you ever figure out the cause of that house fire from the other night?”

Buck is propped up against the door to your office, the air immediately responding to his presence, making everything feel lighter. 

You look up from your desk, huff out a breath to try and blow the hair away from your eyes. 

“Oh, hey, Buck. The house that the newlywed couple had just bought?”

Knowing him is enough to tell you that this particular fire would be the one to stick in his memory come week's end, the others being much too mundane for conversation.

Buck nods, a mischievous smirk appearing on his face. 

“Yeah, actually,” you say, encouraged to continue. “Turns out the couple started it without even realizing. They didn’t remember everything at first, but after going over there and questioning them some more, they finally pieced it together.”

Buck steps a little further into your office. You watch as he bends at the waist, hands coming to rest on one of the squishy chairs across from you. 

“How do you start a fire in your own house, and not notice?” he asks, that playful lilt to his voice reaching your ears. 

Your cheeks burn, a flush running through your body and turning you hot, head to toe. You tap your pen against your wrist. This isn’t usually the kind of information you’re excited to share with your coworkers—not that they wouldn’t be entertained by it. It’s that they’ll all be too entertained by it. 

“Well,” you cough, “turns out they were having a rather aggressive intimate moment and one thing led to another…” You trail off, hoping you won’t have to say it out loud. It was bad enough being in the room when they described their evening in detail, talking directly to one another like you really weren’t there.

Buck cocks his head at you, like a cat that’s just spotted a bug. “I don’t follow,” he says. His mouth quirks up the slightest bit at the corners. 

You inhale, mustering up enough courage to blurt it out before this becomes any more awkward than it has to be. 

“They were having sex in the kitchen and her ass bumped up against the stove top, turning on the burner. She’d grabbed onto a dish towel, for support or whatever, and when they moved it upstairs, she tossed the towel behind her and…”

“Neither of them noticed the fire because they were too caught up in the heat of the moment,” Buck finishes for you. 

You nod, sucking your teeth just slightly. “Yep. What’s worse is after spending an hour digging around and talking to them, the wife went ‘You know, now that you say all this, I do remember my bum feeling hotter than usual before we made it to the bed.’” You roll your eyes.

Buck drags his hands down his cheeks, straightening. There’s a smile on his face when he says, “Well, I guess they say love makes you do crazy things.”

“I suppose that’s one way to put it,” you say, laughing a little tensely. You chance a bit of eye contact with him, realizing he’d already been staring at you for who knows how long. “Was there anything else you needed? Or just curious about the local arsonists?”

Buck chuckles, turning his face away from you momentarily. 

“Actually, I was wondering if you’d want to go out for drinks tonight.” 

You glance at the clock on the upper right hand corner of your computer monitor. It reads 5:43. “Is it a special occasion or something? I feel like no one’s really done that since Chimney had a kid.”

Buck says your name. A knot forms in your throat. “I didn’t mean with everybody. I meant just the two of us.”

You blink. “Why?” You blurt out, the one syllable making you stutter.

His brows knit together. “Uh, so we can get to know each other better? I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious that I like you.”

You’re pretty sure steam might be coming out of your ears. “Um, well, I don’t like to assume. I mean, you’re a pretty flirty guy, you know?”

He says your name again as he plants his hands on your desk. Your pen falls out of your grasp. You’re mesmerized as you watch him pick it up and place it in the cup over to your left.

“This is Buck 3.0, remember? I don’t just flirt with anyone. Besides, flirting usually comes to me, what with being a sight for sore eyes and whatnot.”

You snort: this cute little laugh that comes straight from the back of your throat that Buck has grown to love. 

Buck decides not to rile you up anymore. “So, drinks or no? I definitely won’t cry myself to sleep tonight if you say no.”

You facepalm. “Yeah, alright. Filling my bloodstream with alcohol might be exactly what I need right now.”

————

Two cosmos in, and you’re feeling a lot better. You’re grateful for having kept a pair of jeans and a relatively-okay-for-going-out top in your locker, allowing you to look somewhat presentable enough to be so near Buck for an entire evening.

So far it’s been pleasant, the both of you making small talk, you showing him pictures of your cat and him listening intently to all the antics said cat gets up to during the night. 

You’re chewing on a bacon covered cheese fry when Buck speaks. “What did you mean earlier, when you said you didn’t like to assume? Like, not assuming a guy would be into you?”

You nod, pausing with your hand in front of your mouth while you swallow. “That’s exactly what I meant. This isn’t something that happens often.”

“You’re fuckin’ with me,” Buck says, taking another swig from his beer. If he’s not careful, he’s going to spill it down his shirtfront. 

Your chest thumps with self-deprecation, the voices from the sides of your head—the ones that create that pressure behind your eyes—telling you this might be a great moment to talk shit about yourself. To air out all your faults to this man you probably don’t even deserve to be sitting across from. God knows he won’t be interested when he really gets to know you. 

You inhale.

You’ve been in therapy long enough to know the power of positive thinking. You know that everyone is on a different, unique timeline—that things happen for everyone at different points in their lives. 

But being inexperienced in all aspects of the romantic world is something you’ve carried shame for practically your entire adult life. Only you promised yourself that you wouldn’t let it consume you anymore. It’s your life, and you have the ability to change the way you think. That doesn’t mean your body doesn’t still react, though, doesn’t still flush with anger at how your life has gone thus far, like your veins don’t thrum as you think of all the vile comments you could say about yourself, the ways you could punish yourself for being the odd one out. 

That’s why being approached by Buck in such a blunt, upfront way was such a shock to your system. That just doesn’t, or rather, it hasn’t ever happened to you. 

And with Buck being who he is, it felt like even more of a fever dream. You almost wanted to spin around and tell them to cut the cameras, the lenses zooming in on your face—mockumentary style. 

“I’m not though,” you say. “Guys don’t usually come up to me and ask me out on a date, or ask me anything really.”

Buck is staring at you intently, and you almost wonder if you went too far by calling this a date. 

“Are you for real?”

“Well, I wish you wouldn’t say it like that, but yeah. I guess there’s just something about me that’s not super alluring to most men? That’s why I was so surprised by you.”

He waves his hands around gently. “I didn’t mean it like a bad thing, I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around that.”

You eat a few more cheese fries. “Why?”

He stutters for a few moments. “Because you’re just so…so perfect?” You snort, an air of sarcasm to it.  “Like, for one, you’re super hot. You’ve got this whole shy but totally badass vibe about you, and you’re passionate and great at what you do. I guess I just can’t fathom there not being a line of guys wanting to jump your bones if you’ll let them.”

You laugh. It makes Buck smile. 

“I appreciate that you think those things about me. For a long time, I thought that was pretty impossible. Guess when you go twenty four years without anyone actively pursuing you, you start to wonder.”

The table falls silent, and you finish your drink, thanking the waiter when he takes your empty glass, returning with a full cup of water for you.

“So, let me get this clear,” Buck says. Normally those words would freak you the fuck out, but you’re feeling a lot less tense now, less scared of talking about your situation. It’s not what you want, but it’s how it is. “No guy has ever asked you out. So you’ve never had a boyfriend? Never had a first kiss? Never had…sex? Or anything adjacent to it?”

“That’s right,” you say. “And the orgasms I’ve given myself don’t count towards the adjacent. So yeah, you’re right. It’s embarrassing, trust me, I know.”

Buck is still reeling from you saying the word orgasm out loud to him right now, not to mention the images flashing through his mind because of it. He pulls himself together. 

“It’s not embarrassing. Are you embarrassed by it?”

You clear your throat. “I’m certainly not happy about it. Honestly, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what it is that I’m missing that makes me so behind everyone else. And I’ve spent a lot of time being angry at myself. But it’s not like I can force those things to happen for me, you know?”

Buck gives you this look, and you know exactly what he’s going to say. A small grin makes an appearance on your face. 

“Well, I mean, you could,” Buck says. “But I can see why you haven’t. In my experience, just hooking up with someone to get off, or just say you’ve done something, kinda makes you feel like shit.”

You wrap your hands around your cool glass, running your fingers up and down through the condensation. 

“Unfortunately, I’m also a hopeless romantic. So I’ve thought about just hooking up with someone so that I’m not a virgin anymore, but that’s not what I want. I want a proper relationship and someone that cares about me and wants to be with me. Seems that’s a lot to ask for though.”

Buck reaches across the table and sets his hand on your wrist. “Hey, no, it’s not a lot to ask for. And it’s not bad to be a hopeless romantic! Honestly, I think there are more people like that than we know, but they do whatever to fit in. I am sorry that you’ve felt like this is something to be ashamed of. I can’t imagine how that feels. But I also think it means any relationship you’d have would be more successful because you’ve got your shit together already.”

That makes you laugh, just a little, and Buck is immediately thrilled, fully taking your hand in his. You don’t even have it in you to argue with him. For once, you just listen and try to see yourself through his eyes. 

“Well, I do appreciate you saying all of that, Buck. It’s only that I’ve been patient for so long, and I’m starting to think being wanted isn’t in the cards for me.”

Your gaze has dropped to the glossy table in front of you. You can see the reflections from the overhead televisions, from other patrons walking by, waiters carrying trays of drinks. Buck squeezes your hand in a way that makes you lock eyes with him. 

“So…what is it you think this is then?”

You blink. You have absolutely no response in your brain that would be the appropriate answer for this question.

“You asked me out for drinks.”

His grip on your hand moves up to your wrist, and a shiver runs down your spine when you feel his thumb press into your pulse. This is the most contact you’ve ever had with a man. Suddenly you’re hyper-aware of his skin on yours, the feeling of his calloused palms, shockingly cool and free of sweat, much to the contrary of your own. Your heart begins to race when it finally catches up. Maybe it’s better that this is coming on so unexpectedly.

“And…” Buck says. 

You cough even though absolutely nothing is tickling your throat. “You said you wanted to get to know me better.”

If it’s possible, Buck’s smile gets bigger. “Because?”

“You said you liked me?”

“Atta girl!” He teases. A shock of heat shoots straight from your throat down to your low belly. You pray he can’t see it on your face. Luckily, he continues talking. “So, now that we’re clear on me having a thing for you, what would you like to do with that information?”

You take a quick sip of water, mouth suddenly dry. “Well, my immediate thought is that I should run away and hide because in my head, a potential relationship, or whatever, sounds great but right now? Right here with you touching my hand and looking at me? It sounds kind of terrifying.”

Buck starts with the reading again, sliding his thumb further up until it’s nestled in the center of your forearm. It makes you shiver and his eyes flash. 

“Sounds like we’ve gotta get you out of that head of yours and into the present.”

————

With therapy, you’ve gotten exponentially better at learning how to breathe, how to focus on what’s happening right now, so that you don’t spiral out of control just thinking about what might be happening in a few hours, days, weeks. Being more present is something you’ve learned. That is, in your daily life. But when you’re not used to interacting with men, these feelings are so strange, uncomfortable and scary. 

Your imagination can only take you so far, and you’re accustomed to those limitations. Not knowing what a kiss feels like, not knowing the feeling of anyone else’s touch but your own, not being able to properly picture what might happen to your mind and body when in physical contact with someone you want.

It’s both exciting—sitting here, in Buck’s Jeep, as he drives you home, imagining that those feelings might finally be attainable—and nerve wracking, because how does any of this really work?

Reading about relationships, hearing about your best friend’s escapades, watching a love scene on tv—it’s all different than really experiencing it. Truthfully, it feels like there’s a part of your brain focused on dissociating so that your heart doesn’t fall out of your ass or so that you don’t go into hiding before anything can happen.

By the time Buck pulls into your driveway, you’re feeling like hiding might be your safest bet.

He stops the car, turns off the engine. “Let me walk you to your door?”

You nod, unbuckling your seatbelt with shaky hands. 

Buck follows you up the short sidewalk and up to your little front porch. You both pause under your outside lights, listening to the sound of crickets screeching from the shrubs. He puts his hands in his pockets and starts to rock back and forth on the balls of his feet. 

“So, uh, you were kinda quiet on the way here…did I freak you out earlier? Because if I didn’t, I didn’t mean—”

“No!” you blurt. “You didn’t freak me out, you made me hopeful, actually, I think I’m just afraid of all that romantic stuff because I’ve never done it before…”

He smiles. “Well, yeah, of course it’s a little nerve wracking, but wouldn’t it make you happy to experience those things? Like say, a hug, for starters?”

“Are you trying to hug me right now?” You deadpan, though excitement is thrumming through your veins, blocking out any hesitance. 

“Well, actually, I was hoping to kiss you, but warm up to it first, you know?” Buck says, a teasing lilt to his voice, a naughty smirk playing on his lips. You wish there was another word for it, but there’s not. 

You freeze. Your face has got to be on fire. You bring your hands to your cheeks, covering yourself from his view. 

Buck chuckles. Loosely, he circles your wrists. “Hey, don’t hide. What’s wrong?”

You’ve glued your hands to your face. “You’re making me sweat, Buckley.”

If at all possible, this makes him smile bigger, laugh harder, insanely pleased with himself. You hear the rustling of his coat as he leans down, leveling his lips with the shell of your ear. “Is that such a bad thing?” he whispers. 

You pull away quickly, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Not fair!” you joke. “But, I would like a hug…”

At your consent, he’s on you immediately. If you thought he was big just looking at him, having his body pressed to yours, in the most beautiful bear hug embrace you’ve ever experienced, he seems impossibly huge. It makes it feel like you’re the only person in the world. He’s so warm, so solid. His arms are around your back. He’d helped guide yours around his neck, but you’re so dazed that you hadn’t noticed. 

God, he’s so tall. You can feel the soft of his tummy, and you’re afraid that if you stay like this for too long you won’t ever be able to get through another day without craving the contact. His hair is surprisingly smooth where you feel it against your cheek. His form practically swallows you whole. Not to mention how nice he smells. You’ve never been able to understand those lines in your romance novels, talking about spice and man and ginger whatever. But now you do. He smells like vanilla shampoo and woody body wash. 

“This is so nice,” you mumble into the side of his neck, way before you can talk yourself out of it. You can feel Buck’s laugh against your chest. It feels amazing. It’s like an out of body experience. 

He pulls back just enough so that he can look at you, but he doesn’t remove his arms, only shifts so that his hands are gently grasping your waist. You’ve never felt this way before—like all your nerves are being sent into overdrive. You’re alive with the smallest of touches. 

“I genuinely can’t fathom how any man has ever looked at you and not wanted to make you theirs on the spot. I could scoop you up and keep you all to myself right now.”

This time you manage to maintain eye contact with him. You grin, biting the inside of your lip. “Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m feeling really brave right now so if you were serious about that kissing stuff, this might be the time to act.”

Buck tosses his head back, gleeful laughter filling the small space of your front porch. Even so, his hands move up to the sides of your neck, fingers warm against your skin. “You’re sure?” he asks, his thumb caressing your pulse. He feels a kick of cockiness knowing he’s done that to you. 

“I’m sure,” you say. Nod your head one firm time.

“Maybe your cheek first? As a warm up?”

You nod again. You’ve officially steeled yourself. Buck bends to meet you, tilting your head back just slightly so that he can reach you from a better angle. His hand cups the back of your neck as he presses his lips to your cheek. He’s so sure of himself, so passionate about this small thing, that it feels sensual. It puts you in a trance. His lips remain on your cheek for just a minute, the beginnings of stubble scratching at your skin. You have the urge to giggle like a frenzied teen.

“How was that?”

You bite your lip, hating the way you’re buzzing with adrenaline, filling with excitement at all these new sensations. But more so, you feel so special. So seen. You feel fuller than you ever have before at being treated so gently, being cherished and looked at like you’re this precious being. “I really, really liked it,” you tell him.

“Well, I’m glad.” He winks. “I did too.” He relishes in your little giggle. “How about a real one before we call it a night?”

You’re nodding again. “Yes. I would like that very much. I just want you to know that I might be really bad at it and I’m probably gonna embarrass myself and it’s probably going to be the worst, most awful kiss you’ve ever had and—”

Buck’s lips are on yours, successfully shutting you up. You squeak. 

In truth, it does feel pretty awkward for the first few seconds, buck Buck takes it in stride. Doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable, just takes what you’re giving him and guides you in a better direction. He tips your head back again, slotting his lips over yours and pressing himself to you. Your brain goes completely quiet. You can’t think or feel anything that isn’t Buck. This feeling spreads throughout your body, easing the ache in your chest, making you feel light on your toes.

Relief.

You admittedly have no idea what you’re doing but try your best to follow his lead, trying to kiss him back with as much passion as you’re feeling inside, tentatively threading your fingers through his hair, setting a hand on his chest. At one point, his tongue runs over your bottom lip and you shiver. Buck’s hand flies to the small of your back, keeping you grounded. You let it happen, curious as to how it might feel. You don’t have words. He licks into your mouth, and you giggle. It makes him smile and he separates from you long enough to enquire what’s got you laughing. 

“I just realized what people mean when a couple looks like they’re eating each other's faces. It’s really nice, actually. Not as gross as people make it out to be.”

Buck snorts. “Thanks for the compliment.”

“You’re welcome,” you say, already scrambling to get his mouth back on yours. He doesn’t feel like teasing, letting you pull him down, letting you try and lead this one. You’re so gentle—trying to figure out the right way, the way that works for the both of you, to kiss him. He likes that you treat him so carefully.

When you finally end the kiss, you break the silence created by an intense few minutes of eye contact. “Was I bad? You can tell me, I know I was a little clumsy at the least.”

“Nah, not bad,” Buck says. “You’re a quick learner. I enjoyed it. Ten out of ten, would do it again.”

“Me too. Practice makes perfect, right?”

————

For the past few weeks, things with Buck have been going well. Since that first night out, he’s prioritized getting to know you better, spending time with you that doesn’t revolve around a nasty fire and the plethora of causes it may or may not have had. Time that doesn’t allow for any of your coworkers to pick and tease. 

Buck is starting to feel like one of your best friends. That was cemented the night he watched you play Resident Evil 7: Biohazard, enraptured by how quickly you were solving the puzzles and taking down those grimy basement monsters that, frankly, scared the shit out of him. You only told him that you’d played at least four times at the end of the evening. But hey, all your romance novels have told you that the best relationships are based on solid friendships. 

You’ve had the opportunity to kiss him more, some of it sweet and exploratory, you being courageous enough to ask Buck how he likes to be kissed, if he likes it when you tug his hair, if there’s anything you can change or do differently. He’ll only answer those questions if you do first, telling him what’s working and what you want more of. As useful as all of this communication is, it was tremendously embarrassing to share your intimate thoughts with him at first. 

Some of the kissing has gotten a bit heavier. The first time you sat in his lap ran through your mind constantly for days after, appearing in your dreams, day and night. You couldn’t get over the way he felt beneath you—solid, warm, so real. How he sounded when he kissed you, how his hands felt on your hips and the curve of your ass. How it had felt when he’d encouraged you to grind against him for the first time. You hadn’t meant to moan, but it was like relief had shot through you. Like your imagination was finally getting to take a break because now you were actually doing the things you imagined. You felt so alive, so powerful, feeling him get hard between your legs, hearing the strain in his voice as he encouraged you to keep moving until you finished. 

Tonight is the first night of your long weekend. Neither of you have shifts for the next few days, and you took it upon yourself to ask if he’d like to stay over, maybe get takeout and watch a movie or something. It hadn’t been meant as a request with the hope that it would turn into something more. Frankly, you’ve been feeling more shy since that moment you shared a few weeks ago. 

You hadn’t expected to watch a movie in your bed instead of on the couch, hadn’t expected to pause it halfway through because Buck’s stare was practically burning a hole through the side of your head and you had to figure out what was up. 

“You’re staring, Buck. Is something wrong?”

He’d laughed. It was unlike a laugh you’d heard from him before. It felt sensual. It felt laced with want. 

“Nah, nothing’s wrong. I just can’t get you out of my head.”

Your eyebrows had bunched together. “But…I’m right here. Shouldn’t that help?” That laugh again. 

“That’s not what I mean, sweetheart. I mean that I can’t stop thinking about fucking you with my fingers.”

And that’s how you’d ended up on your back, head pressed to your pillows, with Buck hovering over you. He’s kissing you, dragging his tongue over the sides of your neck and kissing a trail back right back up. His hand is resting on your collarbone, fingers tilting you up to him.

“How’s this feel?” he asks, voice muffled against your shoulder. 

“G-good,” you manage. “Really good.”

He pulls back, sitting back on his knees and setting his hands on your thighs. “Yeah? You’ve been squirming an awful lot.”

The heat radiating off of you, the way you cover your mouth with the back of your hand is enough of a response. Buck doesn’t say anything more, the both of you sitting in silence for a few minutes. He knows you want to say something. But he won’t force it out of you. He’ll wait until you use your words. 

“Buck?” Your voice is a whisper. He hums. You clear your throat, and he bites his lip to hide the pride racing through him at knowing he’s got you all flustered. “What you said before, about touching me? I want you to do it.”

“Yeah?” His smile is so gorgeous, so cocky, and if you weren’t so dazed with lust you might reach out and smack him. 

“Yeah,” you say. You give him your best, pleading eyes. That’s the first time you’ve ever looked at him that way, and Buck knows that he’s gonna give in any time you do from here on out. He leans back down, kissing you again. You take one of his hands and bring it between your legs, encouraging him to cup you. “You’ve been kissin’ me like that for so long…already feel pretty wound up.”

He nudges your nose with his, a smirk playing on his lips. He sets his palm down against you, over your shorts. The heel digs into your clit and he starts rubbing you, slow, but firm enough that you gasp. Your hips buck.

“Honestly,” he says, “I’d thought about teasing you, but I feel like you deserve this, after all that patient waiting you’ve done. Is that what you want?”

His middle finger presses over your hole. You’re so warm. He can feel how damp you’ve gotten, that you’ve started to soak through your panties. 

“Please,” you breathe. “Want you to touch me, so bad, Buck.” You brace your hands on his shoulders, feeling like all this pent up sexual energy is just begging to come out. You feel feral. 

“Okay, baby, okay. Let me get your shorts off, alright?” He taps your hip and you lift up, letting him slide them down your legs.

“Oh, um,” he pauses, a concerned look on his face. “I just wanted to tell you, I-I haven’t shaved or anything. I mean, I trimmed like a week ago, but, if that bothers you, I-” 

“Hey, no big deal,” Buck says. “Doesn’t matter to me. Not ever gonna stop me from making my girl feel good.”

My girl. 

That alone felt like an orgasm.

He pulls your panties down, and you feel heat rising to your face when he marvels at how they stick to you. But the second Buck lays eyes on your perfect little pussy, he’s the one feeling dazed. 

“How no one has ever touched you like this…” He licks a stripe up your inner thigh. “How no one has ever told you how much they fucking want you, never fallen on their knees for you…” He spreads your legs farther, shamelessly trying to memorize every detail of you. “Is beyond me.” 

Buck sets his middle and ring finger on the hood of your clit, starting to rub you in slow, agonizing circles. 

“Because I feel like I could devour you right now.” 

Your feet slide up the bedsheets, legs bending at the knee and allowing Buck to get more comfortable as he settles between them. Buck sets his chin on top of your knee. He’s watching his own hand and how it moves over you. His left hand is pushing up your t-shirt just a little so that he’s massaging the fat of your hip. For a moment he pictures holding onto said hips while he fucks you for the first time, imagines what sounds you might make, and he has to keep himself from letting out a moan.

Buck slides his fingers down to circle your hole, reveling in how soft your skin is, how warm and messy and perfect. He gathers some of your arousal on the tips of his fingers, dragging it up through your lips and over your clit. 

“How’s that feel?” he asks. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll give it to you.”

You swallow hard, looking up at him. “Feels good. When you do t-that—jesus—the up and down? It’s so nice, but the circles, that’s what will get me to—” 

“That’s what’ll get you to come all over my fingers?” 

You moan. It’s high pitched and whiny, a sound you didn’t know you could make. You force the words out of your throat. “Yes.”

“You wanna take a finger now?” Buck kisses your knee. You’re pretty sure he’s sucked a hickey into the skin above it while you’ve been otherwise distracted. 

“Please, please, Buck, I need to know how it feels—fuck!”

Buck’s fingers are bigger than yours. Much bigger. The sight of him hovering above you, his eyes almost black, burning with desire for you, really does you in. He starts slow: a few soft thrusts of his finger rubbing your walls, exploring the inside of you. 

Then he curls his finger upwards. Your eyes roll back in your head and at the same time your body gives away how fucking turned on you are, how desperate you are for him—and it’s loud. 

You’re so wet that your pussy squelches. Something about that sound flips a switch in Buck, and you’re crying out as he adds a second finger, curling them both, clearly enjoying the filthy sounds you’re making. 

Buck pushes your knee down and away, settling completely beside you, propped up so he can see your face properly while he’s fingering you within an inch of your life. The way he’s looking at you tells you that he’s going to make you come soon. He’s making it a mission. He wants your orgasm as much as you do. He needs it.

“You’re so fucking wet, baby. ‘M so glad you let me help out this time. I bet you’ve spent so many nights spread out on this bed, fucking yourself, doing all the work alone.”

Buck’s fingers are making you brainless. You feel blissful, so serene, so calm, so fucking good. He keeps curling his fingers, scissoring them every once in a while. You want to tell him that you can’t usually come just from this, that you need external stimulation. You grab onto his bicep. 

“Yeah, yeah, Buck—I have. You’re takin’ such good care of me.” He slows down his ministrations, letting you take a breather. Letting you gather your thoughts before he pushes you over the edge. You cup his cheek, pull him down for a kiss. He’s practically got hearts in his eyes. 

“Need you to play with my clit, B-Buckley. W-won’t come without it. I wanna come.”

You look down, suddenly entranced by the way Buck’s fingers are moving inside you. He follows your gaze, chuckling to himself. “You like to watch, pretty girl? Guess next time I’ll have to get you a mirror.”

Buck pulls his fingers out of your pussy and you whine. You shiver. You feel so empty. But all is forgotten when he puts the very same fingers that were just inside of you into his mouth. He maintains eye contact with you while he sucks them clean. You moan, despite the fact that he’s not touching you. It’s just so fucking sexy.

His hand returns to your drenched skin, fingers pressing firmly against your clit. 

“Where’s that spot, huh?” he asks. “Show me where it feels the best.” You guide him, a little to your left, that spot on the hood of your clit, not directly on it where the stimulation will be too much, but the spot that has you arching your back, quite possibly more revved up than you ever have been before. 

Buck is quick to begin soothing those precise little circles again, a look of determination on his face. For a moment, neither of you say anything. There’s only the sound of your breathing, the wet, filthy sound of him rubbing at your clit.

That telltale heat spreads its way through your low belly, through the tops of your thighs, through your pelvis, up your spine. It’s right there, you think. 

“Fuck, I’m—” The words are barely out of your mouth by the time your orgasm washes over you, making the room go fuzzy, shrouding you in pure, thoughtless bliss. He fucks you through it, rubbing you until you’re twitching, successfully overstimulated. 

You lay there, covered in a sheen of sweat, attempting to restore your breathing to a normal rhythm when he comes back with a damp cloth. You’d been able to tell him where they were, tell him you could clean yourself up, but he insisted. He wipes you off, gets you clean underwear and a fresh t-shirt. 

You sit on the edge of your bed, taking in your surroundings, taking in your own feelings about what you’ve just done. You feel so nice. So special. Confident in yourself and your body. 

You feel happy. Having this little piece of you cared for so well doesn’t make you whole. You didn’t need the experience to feel complete, or like it made you normal. But you do feel powerful. This was just the icing on top of the cake. Something of a treat. You wish you could think of another way to put it, but you feel like a badass woman. 

Buck’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts. He bumps your shoulder. 

“I was gonna ask if you enjoyed yourself, but…I mean, I did kind of see that you did.”

You laugh, taking his hand in both of yours. “I did, Buck. I’m glad I got to do that with you. It was perfect for me.”

He shoots you a wink. “Good. And I did wanna preface that I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to do all the other stuff.” He watches the way your eyes crinkle up as you smile. 

“I look forward to doing all that other stuff with you. But for now…wanna have a sleepover?”

————

note: none of the gifs or images i use are mine! i get most of my images from pinterest or here, and gifs from about the same. please let me know if i ever don’t credit someone properly!

[ts-janus-rp-blog]

"Mhm, that'll be a good idea." Remus moved off of him so he could get up. Then he shyly fiddled with his fingers as he looked down. "Um... Do you need any help...with washing it off? Um... It's cool if you don't... I just uh..." He asked it so quietly, almost as if he was...scared to know the answer.

"It is a lot! And it sucks! Literally, I would love to do anything else but clean! I... Huh? Oh..." Remus tilted his head as he thought about it for a few moments, then he sighed. "I do think it'll work out for the best... I mean, it just makes sense to keep him. He seems to like me, and I know he'll like you too shortly. But like... What if I can't get over myself? What if I start treating him like how I treated Janus? I... Don't know... And maids are expensive. And I'm worried about bringing in a new hybrid in case I treat them like Janus too! It's..." Remus sighed, then he ran a hand through his hair. "It sucks. Everything just sucks right now..."

Patton knocked desperately at the strangers door, praying someone, anyone was home. His heart beat as fast and loud as the rain thundering against the sidewalk. He was sure he was being followed, they were going to catch him. They were going to drag him back. He wasn't sure if whoever lived here might be worse, but he was willing to risk it at this point. Anything to escape.

{@moralpuppylover2}

Janus didn't know who would be at the door. It was late, but his master won't surely be home at this time. He normally doesn't get home until the sun starts to come up.

So, as the dog hybrid walked up to the door and opened it, he wondered who it could be. And if he should open it at all... Who knows, he may get in trouble with his master for opening the door. But, his curiosity was getting the better of him-

He stopped when he saw the soaking wet cat standing at the doorway. He could tell that this cat needed help almost immediately. Well, if his poor state of clothes were anything to go by. His eyes flickered up and down the sidewalk before he grabbed pattons arm and pulled him inside.

"are you alright?" Janus nervously asked as he grabbed a towel from the mud room. "Well, that's a stupid question, of course you're not alright! Are you...running away from your owners?" As Janus walked, the collar around his neck would jingle loudly. And even though it was cold outside and even in the house, he only had a pair of boxers on. Because of that, Patton would be able to see the numerous large scars that covered his body...and the countless amounts of fresh bruises.

@moralpuppylover2

[meydang]

Flustered

(sfw)

Asaba Harumasa x reader

You have always been curious, does he actually have fangs? So you decided to find out yourself.

.

.

.

It all started when you were scrolling through the trending section of a fanpage dedicated to Harumasa. As his girlfriend, you’d seen it all - edits, memes, and the occasional over-the-top appreciation posts. But today’s featured post stopped you dead in your tracks.

"Harumasa’s fangs… real or just a vibe? Discuss."

The thread is filled with multiple opinions. Some argued that the fangs are indeed real, citing close-ups from promotional shots, pointing out how they gleamed in certain lightings, while others believed they are simply acessories - part of his carefully crafted, cool image. His fangs had always fascinated you, but now that someone mentioned it, you just had to know. Were they really the real deal?

You glanced over at Harumasa, who is sitting across the couch scrolling his phone, oblivious to the online discourse. Suddenly, a thought crosses your mind: not only could you get your answer, but you could also see what it took to fluster the usually unshakable Harumasa.

"Hey, Haru," you called casually, leaning against the armrest. "Do you..." you began innocently, setting your phone down, "do you ever read what people post about you online?"

"Not always. Why? Are they saying something stupid again?" He answered, not looking up.

"Not stupid," you said, suppressing a smile. "More like… curious. People were debating about your fangs just now." You continued.

"My fangs? What’s there to debate?" He paused mid-scroll, glancing up at you for a moment before returning his attention to his phone. "Some people think they’re real, but a lot are convinced they’re fake. Personally..." You trailed off, trying to look thoughtful.

"Personally what?" He looks at you properly now, his golden eyes narrowing slightly.

"Oh nothing," you shrugged, leaning forward. "I guess they do seem a little too perfect. Like, almost too sharp, It’s not crazy to think they’re fake."

His brows furrows slightly, and you fought the urge to grin. "You're not being serious." he said flatly.

"Totally serious," you replied, tilting your head - smirking. "And maybe I need to test it to see for myself." Before he could protest, you move closer, sliding across the couch until there was barely any space left between you. His eyes widened slightly as your hands gently cupped his face, your fingertips brushing against the sharp line of his jaw. Your face was so close now that you could see every detail - the faint blush spreading across his cheeks, the way his lips parted as if to say something, but no words came out.

Cute, you thought to yourself.

His breath hitched when your thumb grazed his chin, and you smiled inwardly, noting how his usually composed demeanor seems to falter. "Hold still," you added, your tone almost teasingly sweet. Harumasa swallowed, his eyes flickered from yours to your hands as you tilted his head slightly.

Very cute.

"What are you doing?" he asked, voice low and tinged with uncertainty. "Settling the debate," you said sweetly with a smile. You reached out carefully, brushing your finger against one of the pointed teeth. It was cool to the touch - and real.

"Whoa," you whispered, leaning back a little. "They’re legit." and before you could help yourself, you pressed a bit harder, only to yelp when it pricked your fingertip.

"Told you, and that’s what you get for doubting your boyfriend." Harumasa huffed, sitting back with a smirk despite his shyness still lingering.

"You could’ve warned me they were that sharp!" You cradled your finger dramatically, feigning the injury.

"Hey hey, you’re the one poking around where you shouldn’t," he states it like it's a warning, but the way his arm slipped around your waist said otherwise. "Next time, just ask." he continued smugly, baring his fangs out to you in an exaggerated grin.

"Maybe. But where’s the fun in that?" You laughed, resting your head against him. "Besides, I just learned something way more interesting."

"Oh? What’s that?" he asked, his tone now more suspicious and guarded as he glances back down at you.

"You’re easy to fluster." you said, grinning as you watch the faintest hint of color rise to his cheeks again.

"I’m not flustered!" Harumasa clicked his tongue, trying to compose himself albeit not being very successful at it.

"Sure," you said, backing away with a triumphant laugh. "Whatever you say, Haru." Despite his protests, his ears burned a shade of red that gave you all the satisfaction you needed.

[erinwantstowrite]

asking as i'm super nosy ( don't feel like you have to answer) but how long does it take for you to write each chapter? because they're so long and detailed and amazing, i just am being nosy so i don't feel as bad for how long i take to write things

usually it doesn't take me this long (i think it's officially been a month or so since i updated) but action scenes are my kryptonite. trying to write them cohesively is a struggle.

i typically spend a couple days after posting a chapter not writing and doing some art or reading or exercise, so i can have a more fresh mind when i get back to it. then i spend like 3-5 days (sometimes a week) looking at my overall outline for the fic, triple checking my plot points and how we get places/where we've gotten, adjust the overall outline, then write up a scene by scene outline for the chapter i need to write next (and then look at my overall outline a couple more times to make sure it fits). my outlines change a LOT during the process because when i get hung up, it usually means i don't like something in the outline/pov/set up to the scene.

it really depends on how i'm feeling or what type of scene i'm writing, but most days i can write like 2000-2500 words once i have my outline written, and on really good days i can write 4000. however for anyone who's like "what the fuck! i can't do that :(" it took me YEARS to get that kind of standard, and even now, i have weaknesses that i'm still figuring out. the amount says barely anything to the quality. sometimes i write like half of a chapter and then scrap it all because i hate it. and like i said above, action scenes are my biggest weakness as a writer. so i've been writing like 100-600 words a day. sometimes i don't make a dent in the word count but edited the entire time i was writing. sometimes i have a stare down with my draft and write nothing

(this is also thanks to having a good few hours of my day blocked out for writing time. i also write when i'm out doing things and have a moment to myself to jot something down real quick before i can forget it)

so it varies from 2- 3 weeks when i'm doing well, and then it can go longer if i'm really struggling

[sturnsdc]

The Alchemy

pair: Jack Hughes x fem!reader.

synopsis: Yn has had bad experiences in romance, and when her mom asks why she's so sure about Jack, the memories start to answer for her, helping her understand why Jack is the right one.

words: 4,9k

warnings: just some corny shit, slightly influenced by taylor's song the alchemy, probably some mistakes in the writing—english isn't my first language, non-canon events, slight angst, cussing, mention of surgery, a mom who's apparently quite sensitive, and reader's had some really bad experiences in the past, use of “yn”.

A/N: this is so bad, i'm sorry, this is what happens when i listen to music while watching a Devils game

main masterlist                  nhl masterlist

dividers from: @cafekitsune ! ♡

This happens once every few lifetimes

YN´S POV

this afternoon, when my family organized a meal and my parents told me to invite Jack, i didn’t expect that sweet melody i’ve been obsessed with these past few days to start playing, and right at the moment my mom walked into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter, looking at me almost hesitantly, as if she wanted to say something.

“sweetheart, can i ask you something?” she said in a soft, cautious voice. I swallowed the cookie i was eating and nodded, frowning in confusion.

“sure, mom.”

“throughout your teenage years, i saw you with a few boyfriends—boys who seemed amazing, promising, and very charming. And i can see that Jack is even more than all of that, but… how are you sure?” she said. I stayed silent for a few seconds, processing the question. “Don’t get me wrong, we all adore Jack and his family, and we adore them so much that i need… to trust. I need to know that this time we’re leaving you in good hands, and that he’ll be good to you.”

“he’s different. And i know i’ve said that before, many times, actually, but i know i’ve never felt the way i feel with him. And he’s not perfect, you know? but i’ve realized he doesn’t have to be,” i added, looking at my hands for a second before meeting my mom’s gaze again. “I feel good with him, happy, even with things that seem so small, like, sometimes i can’t see him for weeks, and all it takes is seeing that big smile of his to make me feel safe.”

These chemicals hit me like white wine

What if I told you I'm back?

The hospital was a drag

Worst sleep that I ever had

then i quickly remembered one of those many moments when just seeing his smile was enough.

Jack had surgery, and we were all waiting for him to wake up. A part of me felt incredibly nervous—what if he’s still upset? These past weeks, he had been in such a bad mood with everyone. He sighed constantly, answered defensively, and his performance started to drop. We were losing him, and this had to be the solution. It had to be.

right?

but what if it wasn’t? what if something else starts to frustrate him?

what if he doesn’t want me here?

he doesn’t know it yet, but i spent the night by his side, holding his hand and suffering from a terrible backache because of the uncomfortable chair in the room. Luke had asked if i’d rather go with them, but how could i do that? i couldn’t bear the thought of him waking up in the middle of the night and realizing he was alone. At the time, i didn’t even ask myself if he’d prefer me to leave. It didn’t cross my mind that he might not want me there. Maybe it was too soon to be this close?

we´d been together for a month, and although we´d been great friends before that, i never worried about overstepping boundaries with my closeness—until now.

i sighed, staring at the options in the vending machine in front of me. My favorite cookies weren’t there, so i chose the not-so-bad option.

‘the things i do for you, Jack Hughes’, i thought, feeling my phone vibrate repeatedly in my jacket pocket. When i pulled it out, i saw i was getting a call.

“naked cat,” it read on the screen. That´s Luke, so i quickly answered, feeling my heart race and anxiety wash over me. His voice came through as i bent down to pick up the cookies i’d just bought.

“are you busy?” i heard his voice—it sounded irritated, or maybe just tired.

“not really, just went down to grab something to eat. Why?” i asked, trying to sound calm.

“Jack woke up, but he won’t stop asking for you. He wants you here, and he’s being so… annoying.” There was definitely some irritation in his voice.

“i, uhm, i’m coming,” i said, sounding more desperate than i’d intended. “Is he alright tho?” i asked softly, walking back toward the room.

“he’s fine. He’s just being a jerk,” he said. “Please hurry.” Then he hung up.

well, that’s a good sign, right? i mean, he wants me there.

i felt heat rise to my cheeks, and my heart pounded so hard it felt like the whole hospital could hear it. My hands were sweating, and my footsteps seemed so loud, as if everything else had gone silent at that exact moment. Or maybe it was just my anxiety consuming me. I wasn’t sure. Either way, i had to snap back to reality when the cookie package almost slipped from my hands embarrassingly, right at the entrance to Jack’s room. I quickly grabbed it, but the noise was loud enough to make everyone turn to look at me—including Jack.

that’s when he smiled.

he smiled in a way i´d never seen him before—not even when he talked to kids or hung out with his friends. His eyes crinkled, his cheeks turned slightly red, and he looked genuinely happy to see me.

i felt my heart melt, and i completely forgot about the past few weeks—the arguments, the tense nights, and the distant days. I forgot all my worries and doubts because there he was, still groggy from the anesthesia, smiling at me.

his smile was so genuine that i knew i’d never forget it. I wanna see him smile like that for the rest of my life. I want him to always be that happy.

his family looked relieved; his brothers gave me tired smiles, and his parents exchanged glances with small grins.

“you’re here,” he said, his voice groggy but smiling so brightly.

i smiled unconsciously at the memory, and my eyes drifted out the kitchen window, quickly finding my boyfriend in the yard, talking to my cousins—probably about golf.

“with the others, i got overconfident, and that’s why it was devastating to lose everything with them. But with Jack, it happened naturally, and i had the pleasure of getting to know him deeply before falling for him. He’s an incredible guy—with convictions, plans, and a deep love for his family and friends. And, you know… there are certain moments—the kind that make you realize you made the right choice.

before, even a short, silly fight could destroy a year-long relationship, even if it was over the most trivial thing. So i got used to expecting little, predicting responses, and bracing myself for how things would turn out. But he’s the one who opened my eyes and made me realize it won’t always be like that.”

I circled you on a map

I haven't come around in so long

But I'm coming back so strong

this time, the memory made me sigh.

we argued—it wasn’t a calm discussion, nor was it resolved. I can’t even remember what the fight was about anymore, but i know it ended because Nico called Jack, saying it was time to leave. Jack just sighed in defeat, said a brief goodbye with a kiss on the cheek, and slammed the door. Not long after, i followed.

that was almost a week ago. Now i’m in Boston visiting my family, and Jack is wrapping up his road trip with a game in Toronto. We’ve spoken briefly, and even through messages, the tension is palpable.

Luke and Nico have spent the last 48 hours begging me to forgive him and call him already. They say he’s constantly looking at his phone and that they’ve caught him rereading our conversations over and over. They tell me he’s sorry and that they can see it in his face and in the way he plays.

i’m trying to believe them—i really want to take the first step—but whenever i try to send a sweeter or longer message, my mind reminds me of all the times i’ve done that before and ended up humiliated, feeling like an idiot. So i can’t.

i decide instead to watch the game with my family, all of us sitting near the tv, watching every play. They were winning—Jack had even scored a goal and made an assist—but every time the camera focused on him, a pain in my chest grew stronger. He looked angry, frustrated. He wasn’t enjoying it.

my dad kept glancing at me every time Jack appeared on the screen, almost as if silently asking me what was going on. I couldn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t tell him that his daughter was too much of a coward. I couldn’t admit that i was afraid Jack would react poorly, that everything might fall apart over a fight i can’t even remember how it started.

my mind was spiraling with doubts when the intermission arrived. My phone vibrated, and i grabbed it like it was a lifeline. It was a message from Luke. My heart sank when i opened it. It was a picture of Jack, taken not so discreetly from behind. He had our conversation open on his phone.

we haven’t talked in hours, i thought.

“please, just talk to him,” Luke’s message said

“y´all play in NJ on saturday, right?” i replied, and he quickly answered.

“yup, so please come back. I’ll even pay for your ticket if you want.”

and that’s how i ended up here, hiding in the crowd, watching them win again. We’d talked a little more since then—he’d gone back to calling me affectionately, using all the nicknames—but i kept up the act. Part of the deal with Luke. Deep down, i still couldn’t forget the way he spoke to me during the fight.

today, he seemed more upbeat—not completely, but definitely more than he’d been during that game in Toronto.

i saw him smile when Nico scored a goal, and his face looked more relaxed. Something in me hurts at the thought of that changing when he knows i´m here. Luke and Nico talked about how regretful and upset he was, but we still needed to talk about what had happened. It couldn’t happen again—not something like that.

the game went on, and i tried to enjoy it as much as possible, celebrating the goals and finally their victory against the Rangers.

“at least he’s having a good day,” i told myself.

but the moment had come—i had to see him. Following Luke’s instructions, i waited until the locker room was almost empty. While waiting, Nico came out and smiled with relief when he saw me there, wearing Jack’s jersey and offering a small smile of my own.

“thank you,” he said, and i could tell from his voice that he truly meant it.

finally, Luke came out, and i could hear Jack’s voice behind him.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” i heard Jack ask, his tone questioning. But his brother didn’t answer. Instead, Luke smiled at me and came over to hug me before Jack could see me.

when Luke stepped aside, Jack’s question was answered. His eyes widened, his mouth opened, and it looked like he’d lost his breath.

i´m not much different. Even though i knew i’d be seeing him, it felt different in person. He is here, and i don´t know whether i wanna laugh, cry, smile until my face hurt, or drop to my knees and stay there. I feel happy to see him, to know he is still here. But i´m also anxious—the possibility of things going wrong loomed larger and larger.

“hey,” i tried to say, though i had to clear my throat when my voice came out higher than usual, thanks to the anxiety.

but he didn’t answer. He ran to hug me like he hadn’t seen me in a year. In his arms, i felt him tremble. I could only hug him back just as tightly, taking in his cologne, the dampness of his hair from his quick shower, and the warmth radiating from his body.

“i’m so sorry, i’m really, really sorry,” he said, and i could hear the pain and sincerity in his voice. That was all it took for my tears to fall. I cried just like i had the day i came back to my parents’ house, sobbing into my old bed, thinking i’d lost Jack. But this time, i cried in relief because he is here, holding me just as tightly, apologizing for what had happened.

“i’m sorry too, baby. I’m so, so sorry.”

he pulled back just enough to cup my face in his hands. His eyes were red, his lips trembled, but he was looking at me with so much love.

“we’re gonna fix this,” he said, not breaking eye contact. “This can’t happen again. I don’t want to ever feel this fear of losing you again, so we’re gonna fix it.”

and we did. When we got home, we talked for hours, setting personal and relationship boundaries and clearing up what had happened that day.

“Jack makes me feel safe,” i confessed to my mom. “He shows me everything i’ve learned from my past experiences and helps me use it in a positive way,” i added, looking at her. “He helps me, and together we’re building a relationship that tries to be as healthy as possible. And i didn’t even know that that was possible before being with him!” I laughed bitterly. “He makes everything feel right—but not in that honeymoon phase way, you know what i mean?”

So when I touch down

Call the amateurs and

Cut 'em from the team

Ditch the clowns, get the crown

Baby I'm the one to beat

this time, the memory was more casual, sweeter, and perfectly represented what it feels like to be in a relationship with someone like Jack.

we were in the garage, in a space we decorated together, which has a small net and some sticks and plastic balls we use for “training.” We had dinner about half an hour before, and Luke was so tired he decided to head to bed early. Jack and i, however, weren’t sleepy, so we decided the best thing to do was burn some energy by training. Well, Jack calls it training, but all i do is stand in front of the net and clumsily try to block the balls he shoots my way.

i don’t think i’m much help in his training, but honestly, neither of us cares. It’s fun, and i love feeling this free and silly with him.

“come on, at least try to catch it!” he complained, laughing loudly and teasing my slowness.

“i am trying!” i defended myself, but i laughed just as hard.

Jack shot another ball in my direction, and this time, i actually managed to catch it. I let out a squeal of surprise and looked at Jack, who was smiling widely.

“i did it!” i jumped into his arms, and he hugged me tightly in return. The garage echoed with our loud laughter and cheers, and that repeated for a while until we finally started feeling tired.

the next morning, when i turned on my phone, I didn’t expect to find a message from Luke. But when i opened it, my heart melted instantly. It was a photo from last night—the moment I hugged Jack after finally catching the ball. It was a beautiful photo, and Luke’s message made it even sweeter.

“i was gonna tell you two to shut up because i could hear you from my room, but when i saw you two i couldn’t bring myself to do it. You looked too happy. Still, please shut up next time.”

“and… with Jack, everything feels so natural, even though i know being with him involves attention and some undesirable things. Normally, one would think that’s one of the biggest issues, but he’s shown me he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make sure i stay comfortable and true to myself.”

Cause the sign on your heart

Said it's still reserved for me

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

when i started dating Jack, i should have expected that this would eventually become public, that people would find out at some point and our bubble of love and safety would be invaded by thousands of eyes and opinions. However, even though i thought about it once, i never imagined it would happen this soon. I didn't think it would happen now.

it all started with a mistake. I filmed a tiktok, just talking about a book i read and wanted to share with the group of people who follow me on the app. However, i never thought the video would reach more people than usual. It was no longer 100 views; it was nearly a million, and the comments were no longer about the book.

@/garretlover: omg, is that Jack Hughes??          

@/hughesyjack: What?              

 @/garretlover: Yeah! Look at 0:42, on the right side, you can see a guy walking behind, and I swear it's Jack, he literally looks just like him!                      

@/oliviarofan_acc: Yall are delusional, it's just an average guy with brown, wavy hair.

these were just examples, but there were many more, debating whether the blurry figure in the background belonged to the famous hockey player or if it was just a guy who looked very similar. The comments were divided, and the video kept going viral because of this situation.

but what am i supposed to say? should i post a video clearing things up? should i say it’s not him or should i be honest? Jack and i had never talked about a situation like this because we never thought it would happen.

then, the pages dedicated to posting content about the New Jersey Devils began to take notice, some posting the news of this rumor that was getting bigger and bigger.

i guess my biggest mistake was opening the comments on these posts, because unlike my tiktok, there wasn’t so much debate about whether it was true or not, but people were giving their opinions about this controversy.

@/jackswife: why would people think he's with her loll

@/huggybiggestfan: Standards are so low now...

@/john928: What happened to the models? I thought players always dated models, or at least beautiful women

@/kay_fl: I saw the video before she deleted it, and honestly, her voice is so annoying, how could Jack be with her? I'd be in constant pain LMAOA

@/sidney87fan: Isn't she his fourth girlfriend this month? lol, I swear he's always with different women, people worry too much, he’ll probably dump her in a few days.

is this what it all comes down to? they just saw a two-minute video, i was just talking about a book, why is everyone now commenting about me and him?

i know i shouldn’t let it affect me, that i should stop looking at the comments, but it's addictive, and my finger keeps scrolling down the screen, with new comments appearing constantly. "She's fat," "she seems annoying," "she’s uglier than the last one," even darker comments, wishing horrible things for me and sharing information i’m not sure is public or if they got it from somewhere private.

any app i opened felt like a virus, it was everywhere, and i could only read the opinions of what they thought about me from that video, not even realizing it was nighttime until i heard the front door open and Jack's voice announcing his arrival.

“hey, babe,” he greeted, and i could feel my whole body tense up. My chest hurt and i wanted so badly to respond, to greet him and run to hug him like i always do, but i couldn't, because i knew that if i spoke, the knot in my throat would be obvious, and i felt like if i moved, my body would hurt more than ever. I saw him appear in front of me. He looked at me, and his brows furrowed when he did

“what happened?” he asked.

i shook my head and cleared my throat to speak, “Nothing, how was your day?” i asked, making an effort to stand. However, i didn’t go to hug him, but walked past him towards the kitchen, feeling a tear slip down my cheek as i heard his footsteps following me.

“it went well, the guys were in a good mood,” he replied softly, and although i was giving him my back, i could feel his gaze, intense, analyzing.

“that’s good,” i said quietly, grabbing a glass and filling it with water, which i quickly drank to get rid of the knot in my throat. Instead i felt like vomiting, and had to put the glass back and hold onto the counter, fighting the urge to empty my stomach.

there was silence, long enough to make me more anxious. My stomach twisted, and i had goosebumps. I couldn’t turn around to look at him, and my whole body hurt.

i heard him sigh, and before i could panic from it, i felt his hands on my waist, and his chin resting on my shoulder. “What’s going on, babe?” his touch was warm and comforting, and when he wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me tighter, i could feel myself starting to fall apart. The tears began to fall uncontrollably, and my sobs were so loud i couldn’t speak. He didn’t rush me, he waited.

when i finally regained my breath, i started telling him everything that was going on, and he listened to every word without interrupting. When i finished, i looked at my shoulder. We stared at each other for a few seconds, without saying a word, until he straightened up, pulling away from me and using his hands on my waist to turn me around. When we were face to face, he opened his mouth, looking directly into my eyes.

“i don’t care if it was a one-minute video or a ten-minute one, or if i was on the side or the whole screen. I’m your boyfriend, you can show me, i can sneak in. Now, if you want it to be a secret or private, i’ll respect that, but believe me, i don’t mind being in something that involves you, because i really want this to be serious and real,” he started. “You and i both know i didn’t used to take things seriously, and that i had some casual relationships like people are saying, but this is different, and i see a future with you.” His hands gently caressed my waist. “Eventually, people will find out, but today I can start demanding that these posts be deleted and that no one talks about my private life. I can’t promise they’ll forget it, but i’ll do everything i can to make you feel comfortable again and to make sure you don’t feel like you owe anyone an explanation.” In his eyes i saw sadness. “I’m so sorry that this side of my job is affecting our relationship, but i really want you to feel safe enough to tell me anything that bothers you, because i swear i’ll do everything i can to change it.”

i don’t know if it was the tone of his voice, or the sincerity in his eyes. Or maybe it was his touch, his warmth, and the way his words seemed hypnotizing, but something about him made the pain in my chest start to lessen little by little, and only the remnants of my suffering were left in my swollen, irritated eyes and my congested nose.

“i’m sorry, i really didn’t want this to happen,” i said, and he quickly hugged me, to which i reciprocated, my body losing its tension and energy.

we stayed like that for minutes, or maybe hours, whatever it was, it was enough to make me feel better.

“by the way, don’t believe what they say, to me you’re beautiful. The most beautiful girl,” he confessed, making a small smile appear on my face.

“Jack is really an incredible guy, and even though at first i tried to resist, he made me understand that i shouldn’t,” i saw him stop talking to my cousins, and the smile on his face was so big that i started smiling without realizing it. “He...”

These blokes warm the benches

We been on a winning streak

He jokes that it's heroin but this time with an "E"

"Jack, in the recent photos posted on the team's social media, we've seen you looking very happy, and this season has been one of the best of your career. Is there something keeping you this motivated?" said the voice of that interviewer whose name i’ve forgotten.

this is the third time i´ve watched this video, but i can’t stop, and i feel like i’m smiling more each time.

Jack smiled, letting out a small laugh as he looked down. “Well, you know, the usual,” he replied, though you could feel the emotion and nervousness in his voice from that question.

oh, he definitely knows why he’s been so happy heading into games.

“is it about that girl? people in the comments talk a lot about how happy you seem since they’ve seen you with her,” the woman insisted.

“yes, she’s really helped me a lot, along with my family. She’s like a heroine,” he said, surprising me the first time, as he usually wouldn’t have said something like that. My heart beats so hard I feel like it’s going to leap out of my chest, and my cheeks burn so much they feel like they’re going to explode.

“I suppose she really is a heroine, since we haven’t seen results like this from the Devils in such a long time. Do you feel confident you’ll advance in the playoffs?”

then the video ended, followed by another, and another, and another. People in the comments started calling me the “heroine,” and unlike when the rumors about our relationship exploded, this time people seemed to support us, even seeming happy about the change in the star player.

“he’s different, and everything feels so right,” i sighed happily, watching as people slowly began entering the house, including Jack. “I know it’s hard to trust again—believe me, i know—but he’s worth it. And if you ever doubt it… he’ll show you a thousand times why you should believe in him and in his love.”

Shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads

Beer sticking to the floor

Cheers chanted, cause they said

There was no chance, trying to be

The greatest in the league

Where's the trophy?

He just comes running over to me

winning the Stanley Cup isn’t easy. Every team fights through long and grueling games, and each player endures physical and emotional challenges, chasing their dreams and hoping to achieve the ultimate prize while enjoying what they do. From my experience, i’ve seen these guys give it their all—pouring in effort, tears, hope, and trying to maintain faith in the incredible team they’ve built. They had to fall so many times, feel frustrated, stuck, questioning everything they know over and over again. But only by doing that were they able to rise again, coming back to win with breathtaking games—like the one where Jack pulled off another hat trick, like it was nothing, helping the team secure that electrifying win that pushed them into the finals. Now, after six incredible games, I can see the result of all these months of hard work.

there are screams, tars, leaps of joy, and i can feel my own cheeks wet as i watch how everything they fought for finally led to this prize—the Cup. Seeing Nico lift it felt surreal, and i feel like my heart is about to burst with happiness as i watch them smile and embrace each other. I don’t even know how much time has passed anymore, because i feel like i’m floating. I hear them singing, laughing, and i watch each of them lift the Cup, kissing it and savoring one of the best moments of their lives.

i spot Jack and Luke, hugging each other tightly, and beside me, i hear their mom crying with pride for her sons.

is this really happening?

then he looks in our direction, and his eyes find mine. I can only smile, and at some point, time begins to blur, and i find myself standing in front of him.

he won the Cup, but i swear, my prize is seeing him this happy. My prize is the way he runs into my arms, lifting me into the air and spinning me around as he laughs, refusing to let me go.

this is where i always want to be—supporting him every step of the way, in every moment. I want to be by his side.

i remember that moment perfectly because the photo Quinn took of us has been my lock screen ever since. We even have a framed photo at home to commemorate that day.

This happens once every few lifetimes

“so just trust me, because i know he’s the one,” i said, looking back at my mom and noticing she was smiling, wiping a tear from her cheek. At that moment, Jack walked into the kitchen, just as the song ended, smiling and greeting us, completely unaware of our little conversation.

yes, this is where i want to be forever.

© sturnsdc 2025, i do not authorize my work to be translated, copied, and/or modified on any platform without my consent and proof of it.

[maeedrg]

What are we ?

part 4 (final part)

fake dating Gojo X fem reader

ᯓ★

MASTERLIST of the series

part 3 part 4

Synopsis : You finally reunite with the man that you love, but among the chaos, being now a real couple is hard. The upcoming battle of Gojo against Sukuna means potential death, and the more the due date approaches, the more anxious you become. Yet, you try to make the most of it. And Satoru plans on making you a final surprise before he has to leave for his battle.

Words count : 6.4k.

Warnings : smut, p in v, fingering, face sitting, loving sex, emotional smut, spoilers of the manga, implied death, angst, and more warnings would be spoilers so I let it like that, xoxo.

જ⁀➴ ⠀ׂ Autor’s note : wow, here the final chapter. I really hope you guys will enjoy it, thank you for reading to the end !

｡⋆˚⋆✩₊⋆˚｡⋆♡⋆｡⋆ ˚｡⋆⊹⋆ ˚⋆｡⋆✧⋆˚｡｡⋆˚⋆✩₊⋆˚｡⋆♡⋆｡⋆ ˚｡⋆⊹⋆ ˚⋆｡

Were you dreaming ? Was this in the end, all just a stupid dream ? Feeling the burning touch of the person you longed for since being fifteen, of the person you almost died for, many times, of the person you loved to the moon and back. His lips, needy and greedy, sucking on your nipples, treating them like lollipops as his large hand is busy inside your panties. Long fingers pumping in and out of your clenching walls, thumb teasing your clit with care and attention. His eyes, a deep blue, never leave your gaze, showing you all the love they holded and never wanting to tear them apart of your sweet pretty face moaning like a mess. God, you were like an angel, your legs holding Heaven, and he couldn’t wait to die inside of your thighs to ascend to paradise.

“I love you, so much,” he whispers, biting on your nipple, making you groan as you tilt your head back. He directly grabs the back of your head to force you to continue to look into his eyes. You couldn’t look away, he needed to keep your gaze on him, because he was afraid that if you didn’t, you would disappear and Satoru would realize that everything that was happening was just a dream.

He captures your lips when he feels you shaking, your wetness overflowing your hole, ready to reach your high. He moves his fingers faster, hitting your sweet spot. Some seconds later, you cum hard on his hand, his mouth drowning your pleas and your cries of pleasure. He rides your waves of bliss, before slowly withdrawing his hand and taking off your panties. He sucks on his fingers, and then starts pampering kisses on your neck.

��I always dreamed of this, dreamed of pleasing you, of being the one to touch you. Fuck, y/n, I’m going crazy for you,” he murmurs like a prayer against your throat and collarbones. 

He parts your thighs, and you suddenly become self aware that Satoru, your best friend for more than a decade, now lover, will see for the first time your private parts. It was ridiculous, really. His fingers already touched you and made you cum. But it was under your panties, away from his prying eyes. You look nervous, and Satoru, hyper aware of every one of your tiny reactions, senses it.

“What is it ?” he whispers through half lidded eyes, slowly pushing more apart your thighs as he gets in between them. His eyes are still on you, but yours are down. You notice the tightness in his pants, and you bite your lower lip.

“I’m nervous,” you finally admit.

“I’m nervous too,” he whispers, one hand cradling the side of your face lovingly.

“You are ? Why ?” you ask surprised as his other hand is still on your thigh, thumb caressing your skin softly, like a soothing balm.

“Because I want to make it perfect for you. You’re the woman I love, it’s my first time with you. I’ve been holding myself back for damn years, y/n. I can’t mess it up,” he explains, and you slowly look back up to meet his burning and sincere gaze, full of raw vulnerability. You peck his lips, like a reassurance.

“You won’t mess it up,” you answer softly, and gasp when his thumb slides back down on your wet folds, and his eyes are looking at your dripping cunt. Fuck, he is looking. His cheeks have a dust of pink, and you realize that he is breathing heavily, biting his lower lip to the point of almost tearing it apart, and the muscles of his arms are contracting like he was holding himself back.

“I will if I listen to my inner thoughts and indulge in my own pleasure,” he replies, bending down and you open wider your eyes as he kneels on the floor, face right in front of your core. His arms swing around your waist and bring you closer, his breath fawning on your stickiness and you shudder at the feeling. 

“Because… fuck- seeing you like that makes me want to take you right now. But I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make you feel loved,” Satoru adds, lending his lips on your throbbing clit, and you moan, lifting yourself on your elbows to look at him. Oh, he was beautiful like that, ready to eat you out, down on his knees just for you.

“You… already are making me feel loved,” you whisper, shivering and digging your nails in the sheets as he slowly gives a first lick, and his eyes roll back down his skull at the heavenly taste of your juices. You moan louder when his tongue reaches your bundle of nerves, and soon his whole mouth is on. Sucking, teeths slightly teasing, very gently, tongue lapping and lips making out with your cunt. 

You tangle your hand in his snowy white hair, thighs squeezing around him. He doesn’t mind, at all. If you wanted, you could suffocate him to death, ride his face until he chokes, anything. Fuck, he exactly wants that. He suddenly lifts himself up and flips you over, letting you straddle him. You open your mouth wide, not expecting this, as his face is right under your throbbing hole.

“Satoru what are you-” you start to question, but soon, your voice gets strangled by a cry of pleasure when his hands grip your hips and his mouth is back eating you out.

You shake, legs struggling to stay still, slowly sinking lower and lower on his mouth. You felt all your strength leaving you, trying to hold yourself to not fall completely apart. He was right under you, devouring you like you were his last meal. But you were scared to crush him with your weight.

“Sit down on my face, y/n,” he suddenly says, and you look down at him, unsure, waves of warmth possessing your body.

“I’ll crush you,” you mutter.

“I’m not The Strongest for nothing, baby. So… sit,” he says cockily, and you can’t even protest that his grip is bringing you down in one go on his face. Sinking on him with your full weight, and the fear of breaking his head is soon far away as ecstasy takes back control when you feel his mouth being busy making you feel good. You moan louder, arching your back and the coil in your stomach becoming bigger. 

It felt so good that your vision got blurry, and your mind became blank. All embarrassment and shame disappeared as your hips jerked and started to grind faster against his tongue and nose. Chasing down your own pleasure. At the same time, Satoru was creaming his pants, his aching boner just getting bigger and harder, only wanting to find solace inside your walls.

For the second time, you came hard, squirting all over his mouth, and the white haired male laps the remaining juices ‘till the last drop. He smiles like an idiot, making you fall back on the bed, straddling you and pecking your forehead. Your legs were a damn mess, sticky and bobbly. The face of Satoru was glistening, proud.

“You did so good for me,” he praises, letting you catch up your breath and try to take back control of your mind.

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, helping him take off his t-shirt, revealing his torso. Soon, your lips find back his, like a magnet, and your legs roll around his hips to bring him against your still dripping cunt. His hard clothed cock presses against you, twitching of need. You hear him moan against your mouth, and he shifts slightly to get more comfortable. He unbuckles his belt, and then unbuttons his pants, zipping it down to reveal his boxer ruined by his precum. He pants heavily, wishing he could just fuck you at this instant. No- he had to be patient. But it was hard to be patient, actually.

“You said I’m making you feel loved, but it’s not enough. I want to catch up all these years before… it’s too late,” he whispers, looking into your eyes with a hint of sadness, and you directly understand what he means by ‘before it’s too late’. You swallow the lump in your throat, not wanting to imagine a world where Gojo would lose against Sukuna and never come back to you. 

“Don’t talk about that,” you plead, shaking your head. He takes your face in his large hands, thumbs caressing your cheeks and cradling them with care.

“Shit, sorry. I won’t. It’s only you and me right now,” he apologizes, kissing your forehead. You look back into his eyes for some seconds, the two of you not moving, before you decide to let your hand trailing down his torso. He shivers, your touch igniting a fire inside his soul, and his muscles flex under the tip of your fingers. He gasps when your nails graze his dick through his boxer, and then your warm fingers slip inside it. The moment your hand wraps for the first time around his length, he had to pray God to forgive himself for the things he was about to do to you, because they were too sinful.

“Y/n, you- ahh… fuck,” he hisses, as you free his cock and slide it against your heat. He shudders, biting his lower lip and bucking his hips against yours, grinding his angry tip on your slit and your hole.

“I love you so damn bad, that it hurts. Ahh.. please, please. Can I put it in ? I’ll be gentle, I promise, fuck- please, y/n,” he begs, Gojo Satoru begs to you. Lips and warm breath covering your mouth and you bring his hips closer with your legs.

“Just take me, Satoru. I’ve been waiting for this for too long. I can’t wait anymore,” you silently answer in a cracked voice full of need.

He looks at you in the eyes, and then finally, while holding your gaze, he enters you. Inch by inch, filling you completely with his length. You breathe in to adjust, nails digging into his back, and his eyes are on yours the whole time, forehead against forehead.

“Yeah, take it all in- ah, you’re so tight y/n. Are you trying to squeeze me dry ?” he chuckles nervously, breathing heavily and then finally reaching as deep as he could. Oh, Lord, the sensation was so perfect he had to take a second to think or else he would have been cumming all over your walls.

“Shut up,” you start to answer, but then when his hips start to move, you arch your back and get cut in your own breathing pattern. You moan of pleasure, toes curling as he bends slightly to have his tip hitting your sweet spot every time he thrusts inside of you.

“You feel so good y/n, better than I have ever imagined. You’re so perfect,” he pants, his head falling inside the crook of your shoulder and biting it while moving slightly faster. His arms bring you closer, your breast pressing against his chest and supporting you in his embrace. He cradles you in love and affection, fucking you with care and gentleness, even if sometimes he liked to slam hard inside to surprise you and make you jolt and clench deliciously around his dick.

Your breathings were in sync, and the feeling of pleasure was so intense that the both of you soon got overwhelmed by it. You couldn’t believe you were having sex with Satoru. It was almost too good to be true. A living dream. Satoru was so happy to finally have you to himself among this chaos, to finally becoming one with the love of his life, to finally share all the intimacy he wanted to have with you, to be raw and vulnerable, that in the midst of pleasure, his eyes started to grow wet.

His pearly white lashes flutter, clenching you harder against him, hips meeting yours faster but in a slopier way. Salty water rolls down his eyes, and he swallows a breath as his tears wet your soft skin.

“I’ll never let you go- ah, I promise. Even If I die, I’ll always come back to you. Hell, if love is a curse, then I’ll, hmm, gladly let you… - curse me,” he says in between broken groans and moans of pleasure, his tears never stopping to roll down, like a river on his snowy skin.

“I love you, Satoru,” you whisper, emotions taking over, your heart hammering in your chest and grabbing his face to kiss the drops of salty water on his cheeks.

He closes his eyes, kissing your lips tenderly as he murmurs another ‘I love you’. You didn’t count how many times he said that tonight, but you weren’t complaining. Soon, his sloppy thrusts become steady again, chasing release and wanting to bring you to the end of ecstasy.

You dig harder your nails in his back when a wave of pleasure washes over you, and then, both at the same time, you cum. Hard. Your juices mix together, cum dripping off your walls as he shivers and moans your name in your ear like a dying prayer before opening the doors of Heaven.

You pant heavily, a whole minute passing by to let you both catch back your breath and realize what just happened. He wipes his tears and kisses your cheek tenderly. You swear, you hoped you could take a picture of his face right now, because of how angelic he looked after crying for you. It felt like an illusion.

“Now that I tasted what it feels like to have you, I fear I’m addicted,” he admits, kissing down your neck, licking the skin where his tears stained it.

“More than sweets ?” you joke softly, caressing his hair and putting his white locks away from his forehead.

“My sweet tooth is nothing compared to my addiction to you, y/n,” he mutters, teeth grazing your ear and then lips caressing your jaw.

“I should get worried,” you chuckled, shifting a bit as he was still inside of you. Clearly, he didn’t want to move away.

“Maybe. Surely, actually,” he hums, winking at you.

“I don’t mind if you consume me whole,” you admit, and that wakes something back inside of him. He raises his head to look at you, suddenly slamming his mouth to yours.

“Then don’t be surprised if I do,” he exclaims, and his cock twitches, fully getting hard again and filling you back completely. You moan of surprise.

“Hey- you just came ! How come you suddenly are getting back hard ?!”

“You said I could consume you. I will. I’m not done with you, y/n,” he answers, before flipping you over, ass up and face down in the pillows. He adjusts himself in front of the delicious view he had of your arched back.

The night was still young, and Satoru promised to make himself forgiven for all the time he spent away from you.

જ⁀➴ ⠀ׂ 

Days were flying by. Honestly, it was scary. Satoru was busy either training for the incoming fight against Sukuna, or spending his remaining time with you. You both tried to act like a normal couple, a real one this time, but it was hard. It was hard when chaos was surrounding you, and that death was surely awaiting your now boyfriend. Stress, nervosity, fear was eating you alive. Satoru saw it all, and aside from kissing you softly to ease your worries, hugging you close to his beating heart to show he was still here, or trying to crack his usual jokes to lighten the mood, he couldn’t do much to bring you peace.

You never expected, months ago, that after the tragedy of him leaving you, getting sealed and half of Japan getting destroyed, you will become the real girlfriend of Gojo Satoru, not his fake one. But now, for the sake of another incoming tragedy, your happiness will be short = his possible death.

You felt like throwing up when they proposed to Gojo that if he died, they would use his body like a weapon. Just in case, so that when Gojo loses, he still would be useful, his body getting used by his own student. They did a test when Yuta and your boyfriend possessed the body of one another. 

“Satoru, don’t tell me you are accepting that- please. I can’t let you get treated like a weapon even in your death ! Hell, I can’t even let you die !” you cry, grabbing his hand in between yours, face getting paler at this horrible idea. You try to breathe, but it’s hard. He looks down at you, as if he was unfazed by this, but you see in his eyes the raw sadness they holded.

“I always have been a weapon, y/n. Since I was born,” he simply answered with a tired smile.

“Not to me ! Satoru, after everything we went through, never doubt what I think about you. You are a human, a human that I love, a human that I care for, a human that I cherish…” you start to say as his hand twitches in yours. He doesn’t move, looking down at you, biting his lower lip.

“I have love and dreams too. I told Yuji that one day everyone will grow up and leave me behind, right ? He said he wouldn’t forget me, but I still think he will,” he starts vaguely answering, looking away at the sun setting on the snowy park. It was oddly peaceful. 

“And me, do you think I could ever forget you ?” you ask in a broken voice. His free arm suddenly wraps around you, bringing you closer so you couldn’t see his facial expression. He buries his head in your hair, clinging to you like a lifeline.

“No. I want to say I wish you did, but that would be lying. I don’t want you to forget about me,” he admits, a shuddering breath escaping his lips as he squeezes you tighter.

“I will never forget about you for two reasons. First, you are unforgettable. You are part of my soul. Forgetting about you would mean tearing apart a piece of myself. Second, I will not let you die. Meaning you will stay by my side. No matter what,” you explain, sure of yourself, gripping him harder to emphasize the truth of your sentences.

He chuckles slightly at your words, kissing the top of your head with love and genuine happiness to hear you say this.

“Y/n, I’m the happiest man on earth to have you as my girlfriend. I truly wish I had the nerves and threw away my fear years ago, to ask you out,” he ends up admitting, thumb caressing your lower back. As you breathe, mist is created because of the cold.

“I wish too, but, I still had a lot of fun just being your best friend for all these years,” you reply, letting out a small laugh as you lift your head to look into his eyes. He stares at them, silently, lost in thoughts, before smirking.

“You know, when I asked you to pretend to be my girlfriend months ago, for the gathering… Actually, I could have not gone to this event, like I did every other time. I just wanted an excuse to have you by my side as my lover, even if it was for one night. So I took the opportunity that the higher ups were pressuring me with marriage and all, to ask you this favor. I was happy even if it was fake,” he says, revealing to you what was actually happening inside the head of the white haired sorcerer. You open your eyes, wide, surprised that he kind of planned all this. You nudge him, scoffing.

“Oh you sneaky- so you knew that we would have to continue to pretend after the event because of all the gossip ?”

“Of course. It’s for that I made out with you in front of everyone. I wanted this little fake dating thing to continue as long as possible. Even if… it brought you pain in the end. I’m sorry,” he says more softly, sighing as he gazes at you with hurt and regret. You frown.

“Satoru, stop with that. It was the elders fault, not yours-”

“Yeah yeah. I killed them anyways,” he interrupts you, shrugging it off. You sigh, and make him step with you towards the exit of the park.

“Come on, let’s go back inside. You trained a lot today, you need to rest before tomorrow. And, I have a surprise for you,” you try to lighten the mood, wanting to only focus on the happiness of today, and nothing else. Because if you didn’t, it would be too painful.

“A surprise ? Ohhhh, is that you wrapped in sexy lingerie under the christmas tree just for me ?” he drawls, waving his eyebrows playfully, flashing you a charming smile.

“No, you pervert. But you spoiled the surprise, it is indeed a gift under the christmas tree. I know we are the twenty-three of December, and Christmas is tomorrow. But since you will have to go… you know. I wanted to make sure you had your present before leaving,” you end up answering more calmly, squeezing his warm hand in yours.

“We really read each other’s minds. I planned to do the same thing ! I have a surprise for you too, eheh,” he muses happily, wrapping his arm around your shoulder to bring you closer.

“Really ? Now I’m even more excited, let’s go !” you exclaim with excitement, stars in your eyes. Satoru can’t help but feel nervous, yet happy, smiling at your unaware face of what the surprise will be.

જ⁀➴ ⠀ׂ 

In the intimacy of the moment, Satoru discovered his christmas gift. It was actually hard to find one, as… obviously, every store around was closed, people had to evacuate some weeks ago. But, you managed to go back to your place, and take what you needed. You already offered him something you bought some time ago, for his birthday, the seven of december. For Christmas, his gift was a warm scarf with a cd. The cd actually holded a compilation of videos you had taken for almost fifteen years, since you met Satoru. It retraced all your friendship through time, rediscovering memories that were long lost.

You already cried of nostalgia when secretly preparing it, but seeing it again, with an overjoyed Satoru at your side, it was hard to not have tears again. Even more when seeing all these shared moments, that will maybe come to an end tomorrow. Satoru thought the exact same. But he didn’t want to make you sadder, instead just wanting to show you his gratitude and his happiness for this amazing sentimental gift.

“My turn now,” he whispers in the crook of your neck as you were both sitting next to the christmas tree in front of the fireplace. Actually, it was the fireplace of the entry of the hotel you both stayed at. The tree was gigantic as well, and you had the place for only the two of you. It was, to say the least, magic, majestic, beautiful and dreamy.

“Ok, I’m excited,” you beam.

“And I’m nervoussss,” he mutters, taking something from his pocket, his eyebrows frowning.

“What ?”

“I said close your eyes,” he gives you a peck on the lips.

“You didn’t say that, but ok,” you chuckle, doing so. Some seconds pass, and then something shifts in the air, before you feel Satoru moving slightly.

“You can open them,” he whispers in such a soft voice that you can’t help but be surprised. As you slowly open them, your heart stops beating for a second when you see him having one knee on the ground, looking at you with so much love in his eyes, holding a tiny box with a diamond ring sitting elegantly inside of it.

“What-” you choke, not believing your eyes. 

“Y/n, I know it’s very early in our relationship. I know it’s only been barely a month, since I got unsealed, that we are officially dating. But, God. I love you, so damn much. I have loved you since I’m fifteen, and I turned twenty-nine a few days ago. It’s been more than a decade since I know how infatuated and crazy I am for you. I’m convinced that the only person I want in my life is you, and nobody else. Hell, I was terrified about all these arranged marriages they tried to put me into since I’m of age. Yet, when I think about a future with you, I’m sure : being your husband is actually something I would be happy to be. So yes, it is rushed. But if I came to die tomorrow, I at least want to die being your fiance, knowing I had the courage to ask you this question : will you marry me ?”

“Oh my-,” you shake, hand covering your mouth as tears swell in your eyes. You didn’t expect it, at all. And knowing why it was so rushed, that it maybe will be the only occasion in his life to ask you this, before his death, before tomorrow, it breaks your heart. Years spent by his side, from teenager years to adulthood, flash before your eyes. The man that you always loved was asking for your hand, and that felt like a dream. Satoru smiles awkwardly, seriously stressed at your lack of answer as he swallows his saliva.

“Can I take that as a yes ?” he tries to make you answer, some hope glinting in his irises while he gets closer. You snap back of your thoughts, and nod firmly.

“Yes Satoru, yes,” and he gently takes your hand, sliding the ring on it. It fits perfectly, and you stare at it with awe before he takes your face and kisses you with so much care that you falter. You bring him closer, the ring shining under the lights of the christmas tree, like a promise made to the stars.

“Here I thought you would break my heart,” he whispers teasingly against your mouth, even if he wasn’t entirely joking when saying this.

“Don’t be stupid,” you mutter, fingers caressing his tender face, cradling it with care and affection. 

“I love you,” Satoru murmurs for your ears only, even if nobody else was around, aside from the two of you. He wishes it could stay like this.

“I love you too,” you answer back, taking him in your arms. He smiles, wrapping his around your body and bringing you closer to his chest, molding against yours.

“How did you manage to have an engagement ring when everything around is closed ?” you ask after some minutes of silence, his hand softly caressing your back in a soothing way.

“Don’t worry about that, I got my ways,” he replies mysteriously, and you roll your eyes, while he only chuckles as a response.

“I can’t believe this is real,” you say in the crook of his neck, hugging him tighter, closer to your heart.

“Here, if you want to make it real, I have the other ring. You can put it on me,” he kisses the top of your head and grabs you by the shoulders. Intrigued, you look up at him, and he offers you the matching ring that would belong on his finger. You smile, amused, and excited as well. You take it gently, and then softly and slowly slide it around his digit.

“Yes, I want to marry you, y/n. Oh my god ! Such an amazing ring ! Kyaaaa,” he exclaims, acting all giddy and exaggerating, which makes you laugh heartily, pleased to share this moment of warmth and happiness with him.

“You’re such a dork,” you tease him, kissing his cheek, and the corner of his lips curls as his face becomes a soft pink.

“I know you love it,” he muses, making you rest again on his chest, nuzzling your shoulder to annoy you, but really, you enjoy it more than anything to have him so close. As if he wanted to crawl under your skin and nest inside. That wouldn’t be such a bad idea, he thought.

“Of course,” you answer, nudging him.

Again, minutes pass, staring at the fireplace, the dancing flames moving in singular harmonies, making you lost in thoughts.

“Satoru ?”

“Yes, sweetheart ?”

“Tomorrow, please, come back to me,” you whisper in a plea, clenching yourself harder against him. He takes a deep breath, bracing himself for what will have to come.

“I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will.”

He looks into your eyes.

“One day, I hope to call you my wife.”

“And you, my husband.”

May this become true.

જ⁀➴ ⠀ׂ  

January, 2025.

“And, this is how I met him. But hey, stop slacking off, there is still some training to do, hurry up !” you exclaim as you stop your train of thoughts and look at the three first years facing you, as they just started some weeks ago to study here at Jujutsu high. It was refreshing to see new generations enjoying their youth, as they should be.

“But professor, your ring is so pretty, we want to know more about him !” insists the smaller one, doing puppy eyes as she stares at the stone ornamenting your finger. You smile softly looking at it, nostalgia hitting you raw.

“Who are we talking about ?” asks a second year, coming closer, intrigued by the conversation happening in the warmth of the sun up your head in the training grounds. 

“The love of my life,” you whisper softly, very very gently, as if only you could hear your own words.

“Oh- you mean the one that-” starts to say the second year, face distorting in pain.

“Shhhhh, don’t say it,” quickly cuts him off one of the three first years that was listening to you earlier.

“It’s alright, it’s not a bad word,” you shrug, chuckling softly as you give them a reassuring smile.

“But…” starts the teenager, yet you shake your head, crossing your arms over your chest.

“No more slacking, come on ! Your cursed energy will not get trained alone !” you say with authority, sighing as they grumble and go back to their training in the middle of the field as you keep a watchful eye over them.

“Miss Gojo,” suddenly interrupts a voice, and when you turn your head, you are met with black hair. 

“Yuta, I told you to stop calling me that,” you huff, scolding him, and even shaking your head. But really, it actually didn’t bother you at all.

“I know, but he threatened me to do it every time I would see you,” answers the poor boy, now a man, embarrassed and feeling slightly guilty.

“Ah, what a bully…” you start to say, laughing to yourself at this core memory, one that was deep inside your heart. You take a deep breath and look back at him, “ did you need something ?”

“I got charged to tell you to go in an emergency at the red gates,” he admits, and you raise your eyebrows, surprised. You give a look to your students, making sure they would be ok by themselves. Well, they would surely slack off once you will be away, but it wasn’t the most important matter right now.

“What ? Alright, I’m going. Thanks !” you nod, and quickly run off towards the location. You slowly slow down when you arrive there, and your eyebrows raise when you see what is standing in front of the gates. You jog, before walking more calmly, surprised and your heart beating faster.

“Satoru ?”

“Come give a big hug to your amazing husband !” exclaims the white haired male, opening wide his arms. You grin,more like a big fat smile, wrinkles at the corners of your eyes as you laugh and jump in the embrace of your husband. His strong limbs wrap around you, catching you perfectly in time as he was long used to doing that. You inhale his familiar scent, pleased to see him after this long exhausting day.

“What are you doing here ?” you ask, raising your head as he pecks your lips tenderly.

“You took too long to come back home, I got bored,” he explains, shrugging. His large palm decorated by his wedding ring caresses the side of your face lovingly.

“Easy for you to say when you don’t work anymore, while I still have students to teach,” you answer, giving him a look, even if you were mostly joking around and not really accusing him of anything.

“Hey, I’m retired, it’s different. And I keep telling you that you can stop working as well, as I can provide the two of us for a lifetime,” he retorts, pouting like a manchild, squeezing you harder, almost knocking the air out of your lungs. You chuckle.

“I know, but a certain someone can’t seem to want to let go of his past as a teacher, and insisted that I would take care of the future generations. So, I’m doing my job,” you correct, tapping the tip of his nose, and he scrunches it like a bunny in reply, which makes you laugh.

“I know what I said, but I’m greedy. I didn’t think you would take it so seriously- I miss you at home,” he insists, whining harder, deeping his head in the crook of your head and breathing loudly to emphasize his distress. 

“Poor house husband... And of course I took it seriously ! You asked me this when you lost your Six eyes and Infinity, it was an important promise I made !” you exclaim in a scoff, not believing your ears, hitting his shoulder, yet he doesn’t budge. 

“I'll take it back, stay at home with me, pretty please,” he answers, doing his usual puppy eyes that make you weak on your knees.

“For you to pester me all day ? No,” you shake your head, rolling your eyes.

“And a lot of good sex,” he adds, smirking and tilting his head to the side to look at you with his charming gaze.

“That’s tempting… but no. Come on, let’s go grab something to eat, I’m starving,” you giggle, taking his hand in yours as he intertwines his fingers together, sharing his warmth. You’ll call Yuta to inform him to tell your students that class is dismissed. Not like they would be sad, as they clearly were grumpy at the idea of training more. Kids these days…

“And let’s go to the arcade after,” he proposes, walking next to you at the same pace, winking at you.

“Are we really a married couple or some teenagers ?” you laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

“I still feel like a teenager in love when I’m with you, honey,” he muses, nudging you, which makes you grin.

“Yet, we’re 34 and 35,” you insist. Saying it makes you realize how much older you are than what you think in your head.

“I can’t believe our marriage was already five years ago !” he exclaims, eyes wide open and mouth agape, shocked by his own words.

“And seven years ago we started “fake dating”, time does really fly,” you don’t forget to say, teasing him.

“As long as I’m by your side, I don’t mind,” he answers more calmly, kissing the finger holding your ring. You fluster at his gesture. Looking at your husband makes you realize how lucky you are to still have him by your side after everything that happened.

Years ago, he almost died against Sukuna. To the point that you couldn’t help but jump into the fight when Magohara almost sliced him in two, saving him at the last second. It almost cost your own life, but you would do it all over again, just for him. The sake of his winning ended in what jujutsu society and the rest of the world would call a tragedy, but to you and him, it brought peace to his life. Indeed, the cost was a binding vow, making him lose his Six eyes and Infinity abilities. It meant the end of The Strongest, of the great Gojo Satoru. For many, it was worse than death itself.

But he couldn’t be more than happy, leaving the future of jujutsu society to new fresh generations, and finally ending his years of labor and exhaustion. He was now a free man, being able to live a normal life, and actually having the joy to learn what a normal life is. Because he hardly had the chance to explore normality, never in its fullest. 

“We really should get a baby,” he suddenly says, humming as the two of you walk in a quiet street. 

“You keep talking about it,” you answer, giving him a smile, wondering how serious he was right now.

“Because I want a family with you,” he replies, looking at you in the eyes with sincerity. You stop walking one second, before starting again more calmly. You squeeze his hand lovingly.

“I want one too, my love,” you whisper, leaning towards him affectionately. At your words, he suddenly turns towards you and grabs you by the shoulders to make you stop and instead walk the opposite way. Startled, you look at him confused, but still follow him nonetheless.

“Ok, let’s go home now,” he announces, more like orders.

“And what about eating something and going to the arcade-” you start to say, but he quickly cuts you off.

“Forget about it, I’m going to make you pregnant tonight !” he exclaims determined, walking even faster, to the point the two of you are now running towards your shared house. You keep laughing with him all the way to your home, Satoru joining you in your never ending laughter, full of joy and hope.

After having the chance to marry you, he just couldn’t wait to fully start a family with the love of his life.

If years ago, when the two of you started fake dating, someone would tell him that you and him would be married trying for a kid, he would have thought that it was because of a scheme of the higher ups. Not because he had the chance to make it by choice and out of his love for you. 

Gojo Satoru truly was the happiest man on earth. That’s what he thought every morning when waking up next to you.

And curses be damned, love is the greatest blessing of all. 

THE END

————————

I'm so happy that we finally reached the end ! This was so fun to write, and exploring both the angst and the comedic fluff was very interesting. I hope I managed to get you on your toes untill the end, wondering if Gojo had an ending like in the manga, or something canonically divergent. Thank you all for reading, reactions would be appreciated. See you soon for other fics, xoxo ! Love y'all.

Tag list : @bnbaochauuu @bunniotomia

[mom-kisser-maia]

So as you may know if you follow this blog, recently I asked my mom out on a date with the intention of asking her to be my girlfriend! Now that Tuesday has passed, I felt as though I should provide an update💜!

We both got dressed for the occasion, and at 6pm, we made our way over to a local restaurant. While we waited for the food, I told her how beautiful she looked, and she smiled and said I looked really cute, which made me shy❤️Once the food came and we settled into the meal, we enjoyed venting about our individual jobs, and laughing about annoying co-workers. Her smile was so warm🧡After we finished, I paid for the both of us, and we visited a nearby park to walk around and talk more. In time, we come to a bench and sit down, getting closer since it’s a bit cold out.💛

I asked for her hand, which she placed in mine, and I gave it a small kiss. I told her the last few months have felt really special, that I’ve felt a deeper connection with her, one that felt stronger than just mother and daughter. I braced myself, and asked if she wanted to start dating💚At first she was surprised, and looked down a bit. I apologized and said we could just forget it, but she said “No, that’s not it…”, admitting she had developed feelings for me but felt guilty for them. She said, however, there was a relief in admitting it now, even if it still felt weird. I apologized again and said she didn’t need to answer if she wasn’t ready, to which she kissed my cheek and said we could figure it out in time, but that she did “want more”💙

I asked if I could kiss her, and we shared our first kiss outside the house���

We drove back home and I got out some wine, and we spent the rest of the night cuddling and kissing on the couch with the TV on🩷

I’m not sure what this specifically means for us, but I’m feeling positive🤍

[subfootboii]

Louis is one of my five roommates. We both go to the same university, but we rarely interact. He is smart and charismatic and spends his weekends in parties and trips. Every girl or gay list over him and his perfect body.

I too had a crush on him. Seeing him shirtless and sometimes almost fully naked would get me rock hard. It wasn't only that but also his feet. They were perfect, big, long, clean, soft... He's almost always wearing his flip-flops or resting them on the coffee table, showing his sexy soles and toes.

I was in my room once day when someone opened the door.

"I have some laundry here. Add them to yours and give them to me when they're done. Only if you don't mind, of course."

It was Louis, shirtless out of the shower with nithing but a towel on his lower body.

"Yeah, sure. No problem."

"Great!"

He threw his laundry to the floor and left leaving the door open. I froze for a minute and then closed the door and looked at the laundry left. A sweaty shirt and a pair of dirty white socks.

I was feeling my dick hardening, and without thinking twice about it, I started rubbing the socks all around my face, taking big, deep whiffs. I was fully hard in seconds, and my face was starting to smell like his socks.

"What the fuck you filthy freak!"

My heart almost stopped. I looked above and saw Louis standing before me. He was still almost naked, and he had something in his hand. I couldn't reply or say anything. I don't know what could I even say.

"Don't sit there with this stupid look on your face. I figured you loved submit and follow orders, but foot pervert shit?"

I was so humiliated. I've never felt so pathetic. I still had nothing to say.

"I came back to give you this."

He threw something at my face.

"It fell out of my hand when I was bringing them hear. Guess you'll like it too."

I removed it from my face and looked at it. It was his boxers. I held it with his socks in my hands and looked down.

"I want them all clean and folded on my bed tonight. We'll discuss this later. I'm meeting my friends now."

He left and closed the door behind him.

My dick was still hard from all the humiliation I felt. Without thinking about it, I buried my face in his socks and boxers. I jerked myself off and then let out the biggest load ever.

Now that I have jerked off, I can think properly again. I understood how fucked I was and how messed up the situation is.

I cleaned myself and then did the laundry. His orders were clear, and I wasn't gonna make him mad after what he just saw. I folded them and placed them neatly on his bed.

I went to my room thinking about everything. I was sure he would tell his friends and our roommates. He'll probably even beat the shit out of me...

I heard his voice in the apartment. Peaked through my door and could see him going to his room. I closed mine and sat on the bed. He gently opened the door and went in.

"Good boy! You like being told that, don't you? Guess I have a servant from now on. Do my laundry, clean my room, clean my dishes... anything else boy?"

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. Please don't tell anyone."

"That wasn't my question. I asked two questions. Answer them."

"I... yes I like it. And anything you want... I'll do whatever you want."

"Good boy. That wasn't so hard. You will serve me from now on. I own you boy. You'll be my maid. I'll also give you what you really want... what would that be boy?"

"Your... your feet."

"Such a good little boy!"

"Now my feet are so sweaty... they could really use a clean-up."

He sat on the chair and propped his feet on my bed. His feet had some dirt stuck to them from the floor. They had a powerful smell, and they really looked like they needed a rub.

I started from his heels up to his soles and toes. Carefully cleaning them up and enjoying it. He was smirking and gently moaning as I licked his feet.

"Faster boy I have other things to do."

I went a bit faster, making sure not to miss anything.

"Enough for now."

He removed his feet and left without saying anything else.

[putschki1969]

Hello Sarah,

First of all, thank you for the insight on the matter. I know you are super busy and not in the perfect mood (trust me I'm not doing any better) considering what happened, so I leave it up to you if you want to post this or not as it may be abit too dark of a message.

I know these past couple of days have been disheartening and disappointing, especially when you feel powerless to do something right now other than support the girls.

Part of me was thinking, "Why we the fans don't do something about it?", like signing a petition with a respectful message towards Yuki to reconsider, and for the future FJ/YKL events (since this year has already been decided) to include Keiko (and Hikaru, Wakana if possible) again.

However, I'm also thinking that this may add fuel to the fire and maybe it's something that the girls and Keiko foremost would not want us to do, considering how subtle and professional she was in her statement.

I'm not gonna lie that with all this s...show, makes me worry about Keiko's wellbeing.

Seeing 20 years worth of work thrown out of the window from someone who you have utmost respect and getting the silent treatment from people you have long friendships it's a tough pill to swallow.

Considering what we have seen with other Japanese celebrities over the years, it's a thought that gives me shudders.

Now, we never know what is going on behind the scenes, and I pray that the connections are still there.

Apologies if my message got a bit dark there, but some tend to forget that we're dealing with human beings.

Hopefully, we will have some good news in the near future to turn things around. We really need a breather after all this. For every low, there's a high as they say! 🙏

Hi there!

Thank you for being so considerate. I am in fact having a very hard time right now. Questions are piling up in my inbox and every post inspires a new wave of replies. It's a uphill battle for sure. But don't worry, it's mostly my fault for feeling too overwhelmed and not knowing when to stop🙃. I want to try my best to clarify the situation as best as possible and to answer any open question. I also feel the need to explain myself if things didn't come across properly. Oh well, in short, I am happy to reply to your ask even if it's a tricky topic.

Hmm, yeah, I don't think petitions directed at creators or artists are ever a good idea. I'm actually strictly against them. Even if we hate the current developments, we have ultimately no choice but to respect those decisions or move on to another fandom that brings us more joy. Of course we can be critical and question all the things that are happening but we should always do it in a contained space, in our own little fandom corner, far away from any of the involved parties. With a delicate matter such as this, it would probably cause more harm than good to publicly express our dissatisfaction and make demands. Everything in this feud boils down to keeping your head low, avoiding confrontation, being quiet and not disclosing any valuable information.

And yes, as you say, based on Keiko's comment, she would definitely not want us to do anything drastic that would draw attention to us. and could potentially make Yuki look bad. She has taken this decision in stride so as her fans, we should probably be able to do so as well. It's gonna take a little while longer but that's basically what I'm working towards. Just have to get rid of some of my bitterness.

Keiko is strong, I think we don't have to worry about her. She has stayed true to her word in her last Yodel message and gone back to her regular routine as if nothing happened. Like always, she has been wishing us a good morning with a funny emoji, she has given us glimpses into her work day and made sure to emphasise how much fun she's been having (probably to give us some peace of mind). Yesterday, she apparently had a super fun photo shoot. Many of the photos will be useless because of her cracking up and laughing like crazy [She didn't specify but I think this might have been for a new calendar? I wouldn't know what other things she would do a photo shoot for. Maybe the Undokai festival will have a pamphlet or something? I don't know.] Today was filled with lots of meetings [Once again, no idea what for but I'm kinda hopeful it was Kalafina related since Hikaru's tweet about starting "another task" for the day - implying that she had been doing something else before - came around the same time as Keiko's message on Yodel, saying that she was done with interviews for the day] . She got home pretty late but apparently she had a blast and time went by super quickly. She treated herself to some chocolate and sent an adorable picture. I cannot possibly gatekeep this precious photo so here you go!

For my part, I am confident that none of their connections are severed. It's a rough patch for sure and what is being conveyed to he public seems very harsh. But there's so much more going on behind the scenes. I wish there wouldn't be so many missing puzzle pieces but that's just something we have to live with. Do you remember when everyone believed that the connection with Wakana was lost? None of that was true. And I never believed it to be true. I always had faith and I shall continue to have faith.

Yes, let's stay positive!! Hikaru herself just recently said that life balances itself out, good things will follow for sure.

[imstillalexcomic]

Hi sorry for asking this really heavy question but I just saw some news about new policies in the states about trans folks and I want your opinion, should I get HRT? I want to transition but I don't want to endanger myself. Is there a safe heaven anywhere? Do I need to think about moving? I... Just don't know what to do and I have no one to talk to about this... Redneck hillbilly old world thinking fam an all.

Please never apologize for asking me a question, I want everyone to know that when you’re talking to me, you’re safe.

Please also don’t worry about asking me anything heavy, I want to do my best to answer things and getting an uncomfortable question is a good thing (for me, your mileage may vary).  I’m either going to learn what my boundaries are, or I’m going to consider something that I hadn’t before and I’ll grow as a person.

I always want to be available to the best of my ability.

Regarding your question, I need to say for the record that I am not a doctor, I am not a therapist, I am not a politician, and I don’t know the particulars of any individual’s situation other than my own.

I really don’t know the answer for you. 

I don’t know what’s going to happen, or when.  I don’t know how the folks you live/work/go to school with are going to react. 

I’m an incredibly lucky person.  I live in an area of the USA that is left leaning, I have people in my life who have no issue with whether or not someone is trans, but perhaps most importantly, I have some amount of stability.

As far as the tumblr demographic goes, I’m pretty old at 36.  There’s a life that my wife and I have built together and we’re doing ok.  Part of the reason I was finally ready to take this leap of transitioning and coming out was because I had my ducks in a row in other aspects of my life.

Some folks can only handle so much at a time, I am one of them.  Actively dealing with my gender dysphoria was something that I didn’t have the bandwidth for until recently. 

Granted, that stability we’ve cultivated is now being threatened, so I suddenly might be overwhelmed with new issues.  But right now, at this exact moment, I’m safe.

I hope that remains the case, but I’m fearful that it won’t.

Regarding whether or not you should transition right now, the only answer that I can provide is that we all need to prioritize our safety.

Be safe, and I hope we’re all here to keep fighting tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.

Existence is resistance.

I hope this answer is ok, I really wish I could provide a better one.

[msschemmenti]

girl next door 🏠 - 10

a/n: so sorry this took forever to wrap up. as i've mentioned before i was accidentally high for two days, work was dramatic as hell (actually had an awful day today), and on top of that i had gig i was practicing for. but happy i could publish something at all.

The morning after both Emily and JJ woke to only each other in a blissful haze. Something about being cocooned in their neighbor’s warmth and scent really eased them into a rather peaceful slumber. When they were able to form a coherent thought, they both let their eyes roam the bedroom in the daylight for any sign of Y/n. She hadn’t mentioned anything about needing to get up early the previous night, but it wasn’t like they’d done much talking once they arrived. Emily spots their clothes, folded and stacked, on an ottoman bench at the foot of the bed which had previously been on the floor in a pile. So obviously the younger woman was up and somewhere in the house. JJ clocked the digital alarm clock rolling past 9 am and mentally thanked (some) God that it was the weekend and they weren’t heading to work again until Monday. 

Emily, very suddenly, collapsed back against the bed with a yawn and met JJ’s amused eyes. “We should ask Y/n where she got this mattress, I haven’t slept that well in months.” 

“I highly doubt the mattress is what’s responsible for your restful slumber but I’ll let it slide considering I too am feeling rather restful.” JJ winked lazily as she slid into a large morning stretch. Both women settled into the quiet of the morning and the peace of Y/n’s space. Time seemed to slow, the birds chirped louder, and their chests felt lighter. An undeniable calm had settled over them since they’d stepped foot in the younger woman’s house and in their lives they’d learned to dwell in as much peace as possible. But that apparently didn’t stop them from almost yearning to be near y/n.

sliding back into their clothes from the night before, they both wandered to the main floor of the house in search of the woman. with the kitchen and living room clear, Emily nodded toward the sliding barn door at the end of the hallway. sliding it open bathed them in light and piano instantly and y/n sat on the bench running her hands over the keys effortlessly. they paused at the door and watched. surely they’d gathered that y/n had a rather pleasurable amount of talent stored in her fingers, but they’d never seen her use them in the capacity. in what could only be described as her element. as if she were a siren, they unconsciously drew closer as she continued the song. finding places to perch quietly as not to disturb her. And as quiet as they thought they’d been as soon as y/n played the finale note, she whirled around on the piano bench and met their eyes. 

“Well good morning, did I wake y’all? I soundproofed this room myself but I never really tested it with other people in the house.” y/n asked, darting her eyes between the women. 

“No, we didn’t hear you at all.” Emily replied with a shrug. 

“I didn’t realize you were so handy,” JJ chimed in examining the foam paneling around the room. 

y/n shook her head with a laugh, “I’m not! I think I just got lucky with this one. i once spent a whole semester belting during my office neighbor’s weekly webinars because I hadn’t soundproofed my office completely. let’s just say— I wasn’t her favorite.” y/n rose from the piano bench and met Emily and JJ where they’d decided to lean in the room. “how’d we sleep last night? feeling okay?” 

Emily and JJ all but melted at the concern clear on the younger woman’s face as her hands cradled their faces. her eyes flicked over both women as if searching for any sign of discomfort or trouble. Luckily for her, she wouldn’t find any. (unlucky for them, because there was no casual way to explain how they’d slept better wrapped around her than they have in months.) JJ was the first to answer and she leaned into the younger woman’s caress, “Feeling great, Em was just saying how comfortable your mattress is.” 

y/n smiled, almost knowingly, and patted both their cheeks affectionately. “well I’m glad. I’m sorry you woke up alone— I’ve got a couple panicked former students calling for some advice on audition pieces.” 

“Oh, we’ll get out of your hair then. we wouldn’t want to keep you from your work.” Emily was quick to reply. 

“you’re not keeping me from anything. They’ll only be a couple hours, max. if y’all don’t have any plans for the day, feel free to hang out for a bit.” y/n suggested with a shrug. 

JJ looked as if she were considering it for a minute but she caught the apprehension in Emily’s eyes and answered for them both, “Thanks, but we don’t wanna disrupt your routine any more than we already have.” 

y/n sighed and nodded her understanding. “oh alright. since I can’t convince y’all otherwise, let me at least walk you out.” y/n grabbed both women’s hands and pulled them back through the house easily. As they stood near the door putting their shoes on— she spoke up again. “just so you know, for future reference, y’all could never wear out your welcome over here, okay? if either of you need me, I’m just a call and two doors down. always. and that can be for anything.” she finished with a suggestive wink. 

Emily cheeks heated uncharacteristically and jj giggled with a nod and salute. “Roger that.”

“good.” y/n nodded, ushering the women out the door reluctantly. as they started down the porch she started, “Oh! I forgot to mention it, but we’re having a faculty showcase over at the school. y’all probably won’t be in town, but if you are I’d love it if you came.” the professor seemed to grow a little shy with the request but with a shrug, she continued on. “Grayson is coming up from Kentucky for it and i figured i’d extend the invitation. no pressure. but the invitation stands.” 

Emily and JJ watched as y/n shyly rambled. her pink slipper poking at the welcome mat beneath her feet as she spoke. and just the sight had both women mentally willing all serial killers to stand down for whenever this showcase was. watching the professor spin out a bit pushed Emily to finally speak, “We’d love to come.” at her words, y/n’s eyes lit up hopefully and a warmth bloomed in Emily’s chest. “send us the information and we’ll be there. bar any serial killers running a muck.” 

JJ nodded in agreement, “Absolutely. and if I’ve got anything to say about it, they won’t be.” 

y/n bit her lip to fight the grin fighting to cover her face, “Okay. and again, no pressure if they do start running muck. but I hope they don’t.” with a nod and a sweet wave, y/n sent JJ and Emily home feeling well rested and a lot more smitten than they’d ever expected. 

-

“Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No. And I swear to God, if you say please one more time— I’ll make you think the ground flew up and hit you.” y/n sighed from the kitchen. glaring at Grayson, sprawled across the couch upside down. “and sit up before you look as red as your sweater.” Grayson had been in DC for two hours and she’d been bugging Y/n since she landed to meet JJ and Emily. 

“Can’t we just go knock on their door? I’m just bursting at the seams.” Grayson whined, righting herself to pout at Y/n. 

“Grayson I told you in the car, I think they’re on a case. They left sometime Tuesday evening and they’ve not been home since. You’re here for a week though, I’m sure  they’ll be back eventually.” 

“Eventually? Why would you say it like that? It’s as if you don’t want me to meet the best sexy partners of your life or something…” Grayson mused rubbing her chin. 

“I’ve never called them the best sexy partners of my life? where did you even come up with that?” Y/n deflected.

“You didn’t have to say it, I can just tell these things.” 

“and that’s why I’m not too eager for you to meet them. knowing you— you’ll call them that to their faces. or worse, proposition them on my behalf.” 

“Well sue me for thinking of your happiness.” Grayson groaned dramatically causing Y/n to roll her eyes. As eager as a friend could be, she was always happy to have her around. The girl can’t hold water, but she’s got a heart of gold.

-

Emily shifted her eyes up to the clock on the wall. They’d unfortunately been called out on a case in Michigan and as dedicated as she was to her job— she had other things on her mind. She and JJ were sitting in a conference room in the local police department scanning class rosters for connections between victims and anyone in their classes. It was their only lead so far and as they brought their third day to a close, things weren’t moving bf as quickly as she’d hoped. 

JJ, catching her attention shift to the clock again, sighed disappointedly. “Anything yet?” When Emily only shook her head and looked back at her stack of papers, JJ slumped back in her chair. “If we don’t find something soon, we might be here through the weekend.” 

“I know, I know. Which is not going to work for us. We need to be back in Virginia no later than 4 tomorrow, if we’re gonna make the showcase.” 

Y/n said no pressure, but this felt like a test of sorts. Or at least a self-imposed test for them to see whether this was extremely unrealistic or was something they could handle. It definitely wasn’t a matter of not wanting to make it work, this job just always made dating outside of the Bureau seem impossible. Over the week, both women had subconsciously conflated this one event to be the test of a true relationship with Y/n and right now it looked like they were going to fail miserably. They’d agreed on getting flowers for Y/n and arriving with enough time to comfortably introduce themselves to Grayson, but this case was proving to be their biggest obstacle and maybe a sign that the casual relationship they had was all they were meant to have. And yes, the younger woman seems comfortable with everything going on, but both JJ and Emily had definitely wondered how long they could keep it up. (Especially since their feelings seemed to be developing much faster than either of them anticipated.)

The phone in the center of the conference table rang obnoxiously, startling both women from their internal musings. JJ reached to answer the call, “Garcia, please tell us you’ve found something.” JJ asked hopefully. 

“That depends on your definition of something. If you mean for the case then no. If you mean my outfit for tomorrow night? Then yes.” The tech analyst’s voice floated through the phone. At her giddy response, JJ and Emily groaned in displeasure. 

“No need to rub it in. We’ll be lucky if we even land before it’s over.” Emily sighed, rubbing her eyes. 

“Listen, I’m sure she’ll understand if you can’t make it. Didn’t you tell her that you’d be there as long as the job didn’t take you away?” Garcia tried to placate. 

“Well yeah, we said that. But she looked so hopeful when we said we’d be there. And if we can’t make this one event as her fuck buddies, how would we make anything else work?” Emily wondered aloud. JJ nodded in agreement and crossed her arms over her chest. But it seemed as if they hadn’t discussed this with Garcia at all based on the squeal that echoed between the walls of the conference room. 

“Anything else? As in dates? As in a relationship with that beautiful, shining ray of southern sunshine? I’m sorry when did you gals come to your senses about this one?” 

“We’ve been thinking about it for a bit, but this showcase felt like the perfect opportunity to act on those thoughts. Plus after she got Emily to snuggle up after a hard case– I was pretty smitten. But like Em said, if we can’t even make this work what can we afford with this job?” 

The delight was clear in Garcia's voice when she replied, “This is great! Oh, I’m so happy for you both– scratch that. I’m happy for all three of you. I think Y/n is such a great compliment to the both of you. One that you need.” 

“Pen it seems you’re forgetting the part where we’re going to be trapped here for the rest of the weekend if we don’t wrap this case up soon. What kind of girlfriends would we be if we already let the job monopolize our time?” JJ explained.

“I think you’re conflating the importance of typical relationship norms and not acknowledging the sort of relationship that Y/n may be willing to be in. I don’t even need to ask if you’ve talked to her about this because I know you haven’t. Missing one show isn’t an omen or a death sentence. If anything the way you’re acting about missing this one show is truly reason enough to pursue something more serious. This might be some sort of self-imposed test that you’ve both decided on but I think you should give yourselves a bit more credit. When’s the last time either of you were concerned about getting home for someone other than each other?” Penelope monologued, fingers clicking on the computer as she went. When she was met with silence from the other end of the phone, she knew she was right. “Exactly. Digest my words and act accordingly. And to spur you both on, I’ve found something that might get you out of there in time. One of you should have the Accounting 240 class rosters, now I know not all the vics are in the class but I’ve been doing some digging and found a study group that they’re all a part of. Only two members of the group are unaccounted for.” 

Emily quickly pulled the rosters to the front of her pile and split them between her and JJ. “Oh, I could kiss you, Penelope Garcia. We’re on it. If we work fast, we could wrap this up tonight.” 

“You finally asking Y/n out for real, will be thanks enough. Hit me back with what you find. PG out.” 

“Maybe she is all-knowing,” JJ mumbled around the cap of her highlighter.

-

Y/n stood in the wing of the auditorium as Dr. Kelley thanked one of her colleagues for their performance. They’d enlisted some teaching assistants to help shift the stage to accommodate for each faculty member’s performance. And as she watched the students roll the piano forward toward the vocal microphone– she knew she was next. She peaked around the auditorium seats one last time and tried not to let the disappointment bleed through her performance mindset. Sure she was hopeful JJ and Emily would make it in time, but she also knew they must’ve still been hung up with their case if they weren’t there. Grayson would be disappointed, but hopefully meeting the brightly dressed Tech Analyst would make up for it. 

“Now that we’ve got everything in place, allow me to introduce you to our newest hire. Professor Y/Ln. She’s been with us since the start of the summer and we’re so thrilled to have her in our department. A mezzo-soprano hailing from Georgia, she’s seen stages and classrooms all over the US. She is our University’s first Jazz and Musical Theatre focussed vocal performance instructor and our students have had nothing but positive things to say about her thus far. So without further ado, please give it up for our next performer, Professor Y/ln.” 

The house lights dimmed and Y/n took her place at the stage with an easy smile. She couldn’t see out into the room but she could recognize both Grayson’s and Penelope’s cheers almost instantly, which caused her smile to grow fractionally. She stepped up to the mic and easily called the room to attention, “Good evening everybody. Thank you so much for joining us over here in the music department. As Dr. Kelley said– I’m the newbie in the department and tonight has been such an enjoyable showcase of the talented folks we’ve got here. I’ll be doing three songs tonight, you might know em and you might not. Either way, I hope y’all enjoy.” At the audience's affirming response, she turned toward the accompanist with a nod. “Let’s start with I Could Write A Book, John.” Y/n took a moment to center herself, eyes closed and head low, before looking out into the room cueing her accompanist.

-

“Emily, come on. I can literally hear her being announced. It’s this way.” JJ groaned reaching to pull Emily down the sidewalk toward the auditorium. They’d broken far more traffic laws than either of them would be admitting any time soon. But they’d made it and if Garcia’s text was anything to go by– they’d made it just in time. 

“Well we might’ve been here sooner had you not been so hellbent on picking the perfect bouquet.” Emily groaned as JJ rushed and pushed her into the building. 

“Okay, let’s just ignore the way you changed your shirt three times from the jet.” JJ poked as she the theater door came in view. She pulled them to a stop in front of the usher and smiled as the young woman handed them both programs. 

“If you hurry, you can make squeeze in before Professor Y/Ln starts her set,” At the confirmation, both JJ and Emily sighed in relief and slid into the back of the auditorium. Emily settled the flowers between her knees as both women finally relaxed for the first time in days. If this was a test, they might’ve succeeded. 

-

“ Did you make her whole set? I was looking for you both before the lights went down and I wasn’t sure how close was ‘close’.” Garcia rambled as she stood in the lobby of the auditorium with Emily and JJ. The showcase had just ended and the head of the department directed everyone out in the lobby to mingle with the talent. Most of the younger people who were in attendance had either crowded around the stage door or dispersed back to the residence halls, leaving the lobby for friends of family of the professors. As Garcia rambled on, both JJ and Emily’s eyes were locked on the stage door. Garcia’s words were going in one ear and out the other. All they could think about was Y/n. Emily, a jazz enthusiast, was already excited for the performance but found herself at the edge of her seat captivated by the silken voice of her neighbor. JJ had decided as soon Y/n opened her mouth, that she’d listen to anything the younger woman was singing. She’d even found herself daydreaming about her singing grocery lists and things to her. She was a siren and Emily and JJ were answering her call. After some time, they caught sight of the Professor exiting the stage door with a shorter woman at her side. Sensing the shift of attention, Garcia turned and watched the women maneuver their way through students and audience members politely. Garcia started waving her hands eagerly to get their attention and winked over her shoulder to Emily and JJ. 

Y/n spotted her almost instantly and pulled Grayson over to the brightly colored woman with a smile. “I knew I heard your voice out there. Thank you so much for coming!” Y/n grinned as she pulled Penelope into a hug. She pulled away ready to introduce Grayson when her eyes fell to Emily and JJ. “Hi!” Y/n grinned moving around Garcia as she rocked up to Emily and JJ– leaning against a wall (trying and failing to look cool). “Y’all made it.” JJ’s eyes softened and a matching grin settled on her cheeks as she reached to link her fingers with Y/n’s. 

“Of course we did. No serial killer could keep us from this.” 

 Emily was clutching the flowers in her hands and nodded dumbly at JJ’s response. Y/n giggled sweetly and reached for Emily’s hand as well. “And you brought me flowers? Well, aren’t y’all sweeter than an apple pie!”

Emily’s cheeks heated almost instantly at the praise. “I love jazz,” Emily mumbled extending the flowers toward the professor sheepishly. She wanted to facepalm, and Garcia’s snickering wasn’t helping at all. She looked over at JJ who was holding back what looked like a cackle and Emily almost shrunk in embarrassment. But then she looked back to Y/n and saw the affection radiating off her. So much affection, she could drown in it. 

“I know, did I live up to the hype?” 

“Exceeded the hype,” Emily answered honestly.

“Good,” Y/n smiled and turned to JJ. “And what did you think?”

“Amazing. And I don’t even like Jazz.” JJ shrugged with a teasing grin. 

“Well I guess that’s pretty high praise then, huh?” Y/n rolled her eyes but the smile remained in place. “Thank you both for coming. I know it must of been difficult with your case and everything. But I’m feeling pretty special right now, thanks to y’all.” She pulled the flowers to her chest with a smitten smile and took a step into Emily and JJ’s space. As she swayed to her toes to plant a kiss on Emily’s cheek, a cluster of coughs and noises sounded behind them rather obnoxiously and Y/n sighed softly. She sat back on her heels and rolled her eyes as she turned to face not only Grayson but an extremely smug Penelope. “Hi I’m Grayson! It’s so nice to meet you all. Despite this one completely disregarding everyone and everything but those two.”

“Oh, I like you. we must discuss. All of that.” Garcia grinned linking arms with Grayson to pull her toward the exit.

Y/n watched as they left and sighed lightly, “I’ve got a feeling they’re gonna be a problem together.” She laughed a bit and turned back to Emily and JJ expectantly but paused at the seriousness that had taken over their faces. “Hm, now what’s ailing y’all?” 

Extremely tempted to tease the southern belle, JJ bit her lip trying to remain serious. “Uh, we’ve just been thinking and wanted to run something by you.” When Y/n motioned for them to continue on Emily picked up the ask. “Would you be open to changing our relationship a bit?”

“You didn’t come to my show to dump me did you? That’d suck.” Y/n joked, chuckling nervously.

“Quite the opposite actually. We were kind of hoping you’d be interested in dating us. Seriously. Exclusively. Officially.” JJ corrected. 

“Only if you’re comfortable with that shift,” Emily added matter-of-factly. “No pressure, just something we’ve been thinking about.”

Y/n felt the nervous energy dissipate and become quickly replaced by an overwhelming sense of satisfaction. It’s nice when you get what you want. “Well, it’s about time. I was starting to think you’d never ask me and we’d be doing this Neighbors with Benefits things for a while.” When the older women’s faces contorted in confusion, Y/n only laughed and pulled them closer. “Listen, y’all might be the profilers but I know a jealous woman when I see one.” 

“Jealous? Who was jealous?” Both women denied it almost instantly. Y/n leveled them with an unimpressed glare and they shrank a bit under the truth. “Well is that a yes or a no?” Emily prompted, needing the explicit consent to allow herself to pursue this new kind of relationship fully. She and JJ waited with baited breath for Y/n’s reply and when she rolled her eyes with an easy ‘yes’ it took everything in the women not to drag her into a heated kiss. 

As if reading their eyes, Y/n smiled and kissed their cheeks. “If you get me home, I’m sure we can explore whatever it is that’s got both your eyes three shades darker in the middle of my place of work.” 

JJ, ever eager to satisfy, grinned and turned for the door. “That can definitely be arranged. And quickly too.” With matching grins and linked arms, the women made their way outside to find their friends and hopefully navigate their new reality. Together .

[animalsalvationassociation]

A Love Letter . . .

A lovely friend reminded me of my worth tonight. It was small, but it was prominent.

So I drew this for you. Yes you, staring down at your phone when you should have been asleep hours ago, or you who’s been questioning everything in your mind with no real answer to follow. Or perhaps you’re none of those things but a simple enjoyer.

Whoever you are. You are Loved. You are Strong. You are Kind. And you are Intelligent.

It doesn’t matter what sizes you wear or how tall you are. It doesn’t matter if you’re loud, or if you’re quiet. What you enjoy, or what you hate.

What matters . . . Is that you’re human just like me.

We can’t fix everything in this life, but we can surely do everything we’re able to in order to meet whatever the world has in store for us.

Things are scary . . . And they’re unknown. The world is scary—people are scary . . . But hiding away only means that they’ve won.

I was never aware of my body until I matured. I didn’t notice the growing of my tummy or thighs. I didn’t see the marks and scars on my face, or the lack facial expressions, making people think I’m upset. The squintiness of my eyes or the smallness of my mouth. I was insecure, but in different ways.

The only reason I knew my smile was crooked was because the school photographer could never get me to smile wide enough.

In sixth grade my teacher stopped me one day and said, “Madison, I want you to know that I love your smile.” I’ve never hated it since.

I only noticed the beauty of my eyes when I was told that they were “windows to the soul” that you could learn anything about anyone, just by looking into their eyes. A reflection of battles untold, of sunsets yet to be seen and hills yet to be climbed.

I walk funny, I say silly things, and make silly noises when I’m stressed or need to get energy out. There are hundreds of voices in my head overlapping and looping, a side effect of my mental abilities, which can only be calmed by music. My hands feel dirty even though I’ve washed them ten times, and it only stops when I just let my hands sit under the running water for two seconds.

Math never made sense to me but I could tell you a 110 facts about animals I’ve never seen in real life. I can explain every Ninja Turtle universe/generation without blinking an eye. I collect things that make me happy. Movies are my love language, my guilty pleasure is watching kids movies that are clearly bad but no one ever had the guts to actually watch and see if it was. I love to laugh but find myself crying more every year.

I’m a story teller, an artist, a creator of beautiful things. I have thousands of worlds inside my head, a woman lives there too. A woman who reflects what I see when I forget about my mirror image. The world, the people, they inspire me. Yet I’m terrified of making it wrong, offending someone, or breaking a rule within the confines of a set system, even if that means destroying what I worked so hard in making.

I could rant and rant for hours. My special super power when someone finally asks questions about . . . me. About who I am.

I’m too loud, too quiet, too slow but I walk too fast, too short, but I’m average height, too spacey yet I remember the little details. Saying never mind doesn’t help, and actually hurts my feelings because I couldn’t hear you, I lost part of my hearing when I was ten and it can’t be fixed. I make weird gasping sounds but I’m only popping my ears to relieve the constant pressure.

My knees click, I have the muscle strength of an 85 year old because I’ve been in the work force for over six years. I’m blind as a bat and get overwhelmed when I can’t see, so much so that I’ve mapped out an entire root to get to certain locations when I don’t have my glasses.

I’m well thought out but I take too long so people don’t think I even looked at their message. I speak as if I have a point to the end of my story. They changed the sizing again so now I can’t wear what I thought would fit. You can tell me any secret in the world and I’ll forget two seconds later. I complain too much but never say anything.

I’m stubborn but that’s only because you cut me off. You don’t let me finish. My heart has become weak because it’s been abused from using too much kindess, too much naivety. People and things, have hurt me in ways you can’t imagine—but the moment I say why, you shun me? You tell me I’m wrong because you have a different opinion? That all my efforts of staying away from this were nothing?

My inner thoughts are filled with demons. I care too much about everyone that instead of seeing the beauty that’s obviously there, that I acknowledge the moment I see it, I judge them. The things I could say if only my mouth would open, if only my jaw would unclench. Sins of my childhood still linger, causing me to look at people inappropriately because . . . that’s what the internet said I should see.

I am human.

And that . . . is beautiful.

You are beautiful.

All life matters. So stop trying so hard to pretend it doesn’t.

I love you.

Isn’t that enough?

Even if we’ve never met, even if I knew everything you’ve EVER done. I still love you. I still care.

Like is different than love. I don’t have to like you to love you.

You are irreplaceable.

You are . . . beautiful.

And that itself is beautiful . . . Isn’t it?

Sincerely and with all the love I have to offer . . .

Thank you.

Madison