#i just love putting this sopping wet pathetic excuse of a man in relationships. it makes me grin.

[neko-naruto]

top 5 etho ships ? bonus points for any explanation

my personal top five in no particular order, and like, ya gotta understand im still new here (hermitcraft/life series) so my opinions are poised to change, but the current standings are:

Bdubs/Etho/Cleo, i'll be honest, i haven't written or read any clethubs, but i saw some art of them that made my brain shortcircuit. they are femdom, himbo, and twink. i just think that Etho should have two people who are stronger than he is on either side of him at all times, bonus points if you let Cleo be the tallest. Bdubs being super clingy, Etho reluctantly tagging along, and Cleo making sure they don't fucking die because yeah they are god damn idiots sometimes, but they're her idiots. and she loves them. and probably gives them noogies and headlocks them.

Cleo/Etho, their marriage in limlife is so much fucking fun, especially when read under an aro4allo lens. Etho whose been happily married for over a decade watching his friends enter relationships and realizing that he loves differently, he doesn't even love remotely close to how they love, love isn't even the right word. hes scared so he leaves, hes not doing it right and his wife must be upset about it, that must be why everythings crumbling. and Cleo, not giving two shits, because that's her husband and by god they're gonna make it work if he can realize that being absent is whats breaking up their marriage, not showing affection and intimacy differently.

Gem/Etho, as a canadian i am legally obligated to ship this, as a lesbian i love it when men have chaotic gremlin girlfriends who put them in their place. see that one episode of hermicraft wherein Gem beats his ass on repeat and he keeps coming back for more. its like, like theres an unspoken solidarity, 'hey we're the same even though we're not' and they stick with each other. predator/prey dynamic if you go with deer Gem and fox Etho, you also get it with sea monster Gem and fox Etho, except he's the prey and she has the biological advantage instead. also, when paired with the transfemme Etho headcanon we get some yuri which im always down for.

Grian/Etho, this one came to via an Ao3 commenter and i have seen two pieces of fanart for it and like, seven fics. but i still think the dynamic of bird and fox would be fun to work with in writing depending on the bird Grian is hybridized with, especially if Grian is the smaller one. also in limlife??? hello?? Etho, swearing loyalty and promising to be someones sword is not heterosexual behaviour. what they had in limlife, even if brief, had me shaking i'll be real. also, for their hermitcraft dynamic, it'd be hot if i threw Scar into the mix, for flavour.

Pearl/Etho/Tango, consensual workplace relationships make me absolutely insane, it could tear apart their business or bring it further together. they have the kind of dynamic that makes my head absolutely fucking empty, one of those 'i just think theyre neat' kind of ships. the culture clash between each of their species and their own personal tastes, Tango's a blaze and they mate for life, Pearl's a siren and they don't do much for romance, Etho's a fox and they come and go- but they make it happen in spite of that. im working on getting them a canonized Ao3 tag right now, they have such a fun dynamic. also, they fucked in that post office when no one was looking.

tbh these are all really closely tied, and i also have a soft spot for tangtho and the team ties poly. they're all really fun ships, i just really enjoy polyships to be real with ya'll. and the life series and hermitcraft are full of so many possible polyships that its just making me foam at the fucking mouth. sorry boat boys enjoyers, the vision has not yet engulfed me, but hey im a multishipper it might be yet to happen.

[nibwhipdragon]

1, 7, 8, 15, 16, 22, 28 for Caejose :D

Haufhawawawawawa,,,,divorce duo....

Ok this is getting long so like always I'm putting it under a read more

1. What's their love language?

Caesar's definitely a guy that expresses his love through words – though, mostly in a flowery, stereotypically romantic way that Joseph wouldn't be that pleased with. Dude comes from like the 1500s with how he approaches romance. I wouldn't be surprised if he writes poems and sings them to Joseph.

Joseph's definitely shows his love through actions. I feel that he'd be quite selfish, but would happily give stuff up for others if he cared about them enough. He also probably rants about things with people he cares about. Caesar would end up knowing a bunch of stuff he wouldn't know otherwise (and probably some stuff he wished he never knew, knowing the sort of person Joseph is. Anyways do you know that most reptiles have two–)

7. Who is the more romantic one?

Hmmm...neither? With Caesar he's too romantic to the point it wraps around to feeling forced and fake, he definitely hasn't been in any proper relationships, only hookups so he definitely doesn't know what to do outside of that fake front. And well. Joseph is Joseph and doesn't really care about being romantic. I feel like he'd try his best to be romantic (waking up earlier than Caesar to cook him breakfast and such, despite Not Being Able To Cook) but he'd be so cringefail flop about it that it just wouldn't be romantic. It'd be romantic to ME, but I am aware enough to know that most people don't have a thing for pathetic insane sopping wet men so (god I'm speaking like I'm not even aroace huh)

8. Do they have any favourite activities to do together?

Divorce

I think that they'd still enjoy sparring together. As a person who beats the shit out of one of my friends specifically frequently and vice versa, I can confirm that it's very enjoyable to do with a friend! Idk if the whole romantic aspect would ruin that though. I also think they'd enjoy going out on nature walks and such, and appreciate nature. They'd definitely take it slow and savour their moments together. Seeing that they both nearly died against the Pillar Men, I feel that they'd gain a new appreciation for life, and a new appreciation for each other's presence.

15. Do they go on vacations together? Where is their favourite place to visit?

Ohhh they'd definitely go to Italy for holidays (there's no way Joseph would stay there all year round he is British. Way too hot for him. He prefers cold places). They'd visit Air Supplena Island too. Nobody uses it anymore, but it's still nostalgic to them. I think it'd be a yearly thing for them, maybe they go on the anniversary of them getting together?

16. What's their favourite "domestic bliss" moment? Do they cook/clean together? Do they like to go out shopping together?

Their favourite domestic bliss moment would definitely just be Existing Together. Maybe they're just chilling on the sofa watching TV, or cuddling up in bed together ready to go to sleep. Maybe Joseph's done some completely stupid thing and made a mess/hurt himself and they have to deal with the aftermath. Whatever it is, they really enjoy doing mundane, normal things with each other. It's much better than the whole thing they had going on with the threat of the Pillar Men looming over them. They just really love and appreciate mundane things people would gloss over after All That.

They do not cook together, because Caesar is not letting that pathetic excuse of a man into the kitchen. Maybe I'm biased because I don't like 99% of British cuisine (beans on toast is pretty good though. the eels too tbh) but Joseph would not be able to make a good meal. That mf would season with salt and pepper and leave it at that. Where's the garlic??? The onions???? This man will be the death of me (and Caesar, if he wasn't smart enough to not let Joseph cook).

They don't like to go shopping together. They definitely argue about what to get. They argue about a lot of things it's a wonder they're still together. I think they should get divorced. Though, if Joseph wants to go shopping on his own, Caesar usually convices him to let him go along as well. This is because Joseph will definitely buy a ton of stuff on impulse, because having ADHD does that to a guy. He's gotta have a wall to stop him from doing things on impulse or he's gonna like come back from IKEA with a million plushies and Swedish sweets and no furniture because he Forgot

22. How do they apologise after arguments?

Really, it depends on the argument. Little spats they can get over quite quickly. It's pretty much banter to them by this point. With bigger arguments, I think they'd end up apologising formally and then going about their day like nothing happened. Or, in other cases, try to get the last point in when they think it's simmered down enough and start it all back up again (that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship! How about they do themselves a favour and get divorced). And then there's the Massive arguments. Usually they'll try to make it back to the other, usually using the other person's love language. Joseph would tell Caesar how much he loves him and that the argument hasn't changed his feelings at all and that Caesar's the most important person in the world to him. Caesar might try make a little trinket or item (can you imagine him doing origami or clay sculpting. He'd be so cringeflop about it, spent all his time on the streets, hamon training or performing The Intercourse on women to practice doing stuff like that. Thinking about this does Caesar have an STD??? I feel that he might he doesn't seem like the type of guy to use protection. God I'm getting off track) to give to Joseph, or he might prompt Joseph to talk about the things he enjoys talking about. Though, seeing that Joseph has ADHD because I Decided This, Araki Make It Canon You Bastard, and ADHD can be A Massive Bitch, I wouldn't be surprised if Joseph got really upset sometimes over them. Like to the point he wouldn't bother to try make amends because he'd think it's pointless because This One is Definitely The Argument to End It All And God I've Ruined Our Relationship Forever. Maybe he wouldn't have this problem if they were both divorced. However that feeling of absolutely destroying the relationship would probably be exacerbated by the whole argument that happened before the Whammu fight so Yeah. Joseph's so cringeflop I need his head in my mouth

ANYWAYS I am falling off track once more, in those instances I think that Caesar would simply go and sit next to Joseph, and hug him if it was possible in that position. Just sorta remind him that it isn't his fault because Caesar is as much in the wrong as Joseph is, and that they have quite literally been through worse before and that they'll get through this argument easily. They'd watch a film or something afterwards, pretty much anything as long as it's something they're doing together. It's absolutely ridiculous how much they argue but at least in the end they can get over it like functional adults

28. What's something that reminds them of their partner(s)? Do they have anything on them daily as a reminder (a photo, phone background, tattoo, clothing, accessory, etc.)?

I am going to bend canon a lil and say that Joseph still has the headband Caesar gave him before his presumed death (let's just go along and assume that he got badly hurt and maybe got hit by a lil rubble instead of the big rock) and that he keeps it in his pocket or smth at all times. If Joseph's upset/stressed and Caesar isn't there for whatever reason he'll take the headband out of his pocket and start fiddling with it, weaving it around his fingers and the sorts.

For Caesar, he'd keep a really bad drawing Joseph did with him. He'd fold it up and put it in his wallet or smth like that. For the drawing itself, they would've gone to an art museum or the likes, and Joseph would've tried to make a work of art himself, claiming that "It's not that hard, you don't need a museum for art", only to produce the Worst Piece of Art To Exist. Joseph would want to throw it away – even if he did spend hours working on it – but Caesar refused to get rid of it. Sure, it's not as good as the art in museums, but it had heart and soul and meaning put into it, and it touched Caesar's heart, so it's more special and important to him than any painting made by a famous artist.

[beetled-juice]

#hes so easy to play like that bc hes actually desperate for acknowledgement#he is not above begging you for attention that's what I think#dont even think about the silent treatment or ignoring him at all he will not let that happen (go off king!)#i also think he'd be really nosy because imagine being used to hearing all the hot goss ppl talk about for 600 years#then all of a sudden they can see you so they don't talk about it so openly! theyre in whispers and now u know a lot Less and it's like.#u feel excluded!!!!! like hi umm excuse me what are you guys talking about??? 🫣 and stuff like that#ok im rambling I'll stop [tags by @juicedbeetle]

once again I fail to check the notes on my posts and miss GOLDEN TIER CONTENT

he is SO easy to play, if you even HINT at turning your attention somewhere else he's instantly on his knees begging and pleading in the most pathetic display you've ever seen. you can't get 5 minutes into the silent treatment before he's either flipping his lid or becoming a puddle of sopping wet snot-nosed stripes at your feet. most of the time you crack pretty quickly, unable to ignore him for long, because seeing him purple and sad and shaking like a cold chihuahua breaks you.

I feel like he'd become the guy who has absolutely no idea what's going on ever because he got so used to absorbing information by virtue of being invisible that he doesn't think to just. ask questions. he can't pick up on subtlety or put clues together when it comes to the interpersonal relationships within his little circle of breathers. this is also why he never figured out you were in love with him OOP

also love and light but this man can NOT keep a secret to save his undead life. you tell him something in confidence and immediately the maitlands or lydia or delia knows about it, and from there it spreads to the rest of the family. even if you explicitly say that what you're telling him is a secret and he can't tell anyone, it'll eventually slip out - not because he's doing it on purpose, but because once again he got so used to being invisible that he never had to develop a brain-to-mouth filter. he'll be chattering away without much thought and oops now delia knows charles accidentally broke her crystal necklace, and adam knows it was lydia who used the last of his paints from the model, and now you know it was him who ate your aloe plant last month (because yeah, he can't even keep his own secrets).

you all learn very quickly that he's not to be trusted with any information that the rest of the family can't also know about. which leads to a lot of the whining and begging and pleading to be "in" on whatever the gossip of the day is, especially if he catches people whispering.

Y/N: hey beej, can I ask you something?

Beetlejuice: sure! but it'll cost ya >:3

Y/N: okay, I'll just ask Adam then

Beetlejuice: wh- NO WAIT