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minswriting · 5 months ago

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nsfw | mdni | spencer reid x unsub! reader | masturbation (m), this may make not a lot of sense but the concept is what’s important, not the content lol

tw: mentions of sexual abuse, mentions of murder, reader really isn’t that bad, spencer likes women who can control the situation, reader is wearing heels and it turns spencer on but there is absolutely no foot fetish because that is not my cup of tea at all

thinking about a reader who is an unsub. spencer had gone undercover to meet you, going on a date with you. and you already could tell he was undercover. how couldn’t you? he was awkward, unsure of his surroundings. and the smallest imprint of a bug on his suit jacket. in order to maintain your cover, you had learned to notice the smallest of things about your surroundings.

the date began innocently. the two of you laughed, talking about random things about your personal lives that wouldn’t give anything away. until eventually something shifted. you had told a story about how you were abused sexually as a child.

“is that why you go around killing men that represent your abuser?” spencer asked quietly, his voice so sure of himself as he looked at you with a look of ‘there’s no hiding from this one’.

and in response, you smirked. “that’s quite the accusation, wouldn’t you say?” you murmured, tilting your head at spencer.

“one that you’re not denying,” spencer said matter-of-factly.

you simply smiled, nodding your head. “why should i?” you asked, using your heel to run along spencer’s leg, causing him to shutter. “you see, men are all the same,” you leaned in, looking at spencer with a seductive look. “so easy to please. the smallest of gestures,” your voice was so smooth and confident, sending chills down spencer’s back. “being more than enough to send them over the edge.” your heel made it to his crotch, grazing the tent that had formed so quickly underneath your touch.

spencer let out a small gasp, gripping the table in front of him as he tried not to buck his hips into your heel. “and you use that to your advantage,” he said, clearing his throat.

you nodded your head, twisting your heel slightly to give him slight friction. “you see, men are disgusting by nature. anything and everything turns them on and so they’ll take what they want,” you exclaimed. “are you going to take what you want, spencer?” you asked seductively.

spencer let out a shaky breath, licking his lips. “so you killed men simply because they’re gross to you.”

you shook your head. “every man i’ve killed has had a history of past abuse towards others,” you exclaimed seriously, taking your heel off of spencer’s crotch. “so go ahead and arrest me but at the end of the day, i took away the people that could hurt poor innocent girls like i once was.”

and so you were indeed arrested, leaving spencer with his thoughts all wrapped around you. luckily the case had taken place in D.C as he was able to just go home immediately after. once he had gotten home, he couldn’t help but think about your heel on his crotch.

it was gross of him to think of you in such a way. you’re an unsub, a murderer that he had just locked away in jail. but your motive for killing was understandable. it’s not like you murdered anyone innocent. and god, you were so undeniably beautiful.

spencer’s cock was still hard from earlier, having not been able to give himself any sort of relief. the genius’s brain had turned to mush and it had taken all of his strength to muster up the questions he had asked you. and he was sure that you could tell.

unzipping his pants and pulling them down, spencer gripped his cock as he leaned against the door to his apartment. he began jerking himself off, indulging in his thoughts about you. part of him felt sick for doing this. isn’t it just proving your point? men want what they want with no care for the world. anything and everything turns them on. spencer was not an exception.

he let out a small moan as he teased his tip with his thumb. he thought about how you would most certainly degrade him, control him. oh how he wanted you to use him for your own pleasure. spencer wanted so badly to give to you what he couldn’t give. maybe that’s what made him different than the rest of the men in the world.

he wanted to give, not to take.

spencer whimpered, pumping his cock faster. he can still practically feel the weight of your heel on his cock, making him want nothing more than to bend to your will. he felt himself getting closer with each thought about you. and with a choked moan, he began cumming, spilling ropes of his seed onto the floor and onto his hand.

perhaps you knew that you would be on spencer’s mind for awhile. perhaps you knew that he wouldn’t be able to resist your charm. because from there on out, spencer only thought about you.

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds smut #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #criminals minds x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine

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banquetwriter · 6 months ago

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this might be too angsty 😭

but can you do one where the reader has chronic anxiety and is literally house bound most of the time because of how bad it gets and johnnie just helps them through it

୨୧ brittle breathes ୨୧

pairing: Johnnie Guilbert ♡︎ Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡ panic attacks, extreme anxiety

summary: ʚ reader’s chronic anxiety binds them to their house but Johnnie is able to save them ɞ

Words: 1452

An: sorry it's taking me so long to write i can't help it lol

SUPPORT ME

Every day has felt the same to you. You wake up and immediately doom scroll on your phone. Your brain is hyper-fixating on every bad comment you receive. You eventually get off Twitter and turn on YouTube. The torment doesn't end there.

You turn on someone who has consistent uploads, better looking than you, and overall is just better at your job. You feel so sick. Constantly nausea, your hands and feet are freezing, and your brain seems like you mushed it into pieces.

It had been weeks since you had last uploaded on your channel. It wasn't so bad at first. You felt less anxious at home so you just stayed in more. Unfortunately, it has its talons in you. You could never leave the house anymore.

You were sitting on the couch in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. You hadn't gotten ready in weeks either, posting the occasional post on your Instagram story of something random.

It wasn't like your fans hadn't noticed, hell everyone in your life had noticed. Your boyfriend Johnnie had asked what was going on with you lately, and he saw it. Of course, he saw it. The light in your eyes slowly dimmed.

The way you wouldn't do anything anymore. Your interest didn't excite you anymore, you never ate anymore, and the most worrying thing was you'd stopped hanging out with him.

He knew how hard anxiety could be on a person and how he wanted to help but he also knew how fragile people can be in this head space.

You had dried tears staining your cheeks as you scrolled through Twitter. You were looking at any tweet with your name involved in it. You were just a sad little lump on the couch. It was pathetic really.

Your heart jumped as a notification went through that Johnnie started a live stream on Twitch. You had forgotten he was going to stream tonight. You clicked on it saying hi in chat.

“Ahh fuck my settings are all messed up hold on guys,” Johnnie mumbled moving closer to his screen and clicking around. You giggle watching his fans say hi to you in chat. “Alright sorry guys,” he says, sitting up and looking at the chat.

“Wait, is y/n in chat? A bunch of people are saying hi,” he says looking at the chat zoom bye. You smile to yourself already feeling calmer just by listening to his voice. “Yes, I am ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” you type in the chat. You watch him read the chat and smile to himself.

He hides his blush by putting his hand over his mouth. The whole interaction made you giggle. He was the only thing that ever made you feel good anymore. You knew that wasn't healthy but you couldn't help it. You texted a black heart emoji to Johnnie.

You sat and watched the stream for a bit longer at some point while Johnnie stopped for a second to respond to your text. ‘Love you nerd’ he said with a heart emoji as well. He smiled down at his phone before realizing he was still streaming and had to keep them entertained.

He came to a slow point in his stream so he looked over at his chat. “Why isn't y/n posting?” he asked, reading a fan’s words. Your heart skipped a beat. “Um, they are just having a hard time right now. They will be back soon though don't worry,” he answers, it was a true statement.

It just stung that your fans were reaching out to him about you. Johnnie would never make you feel guilty about this of course he understood, it's just you felt like such a burden on him because of this.

You snapped back into reality, Johnnie had continued his stream and the chat slowly moved on from the topic. You had to do something about this. It was consuming your life.

You swiped away from Twitch and pulled up your messages with Johnnie. ‘Can you come over after the stream?’ you asked. If you were going to get out of this you were going to need help to do it. You had the stream pulled back up again.

Johnnie was looking down at your phone. ‘I will get an Uber right now.’ was a text Johnnie sent you. You sat up reading the message on the top of your screen. “Hey guys I'm actually going to have to end stream early,” he said looking up from his phone.

You watched the chat as they started to freak out at the sudden end. Well, this wasn't how you wanted things to go. “Everything is ok. I just realized I have something to do.” he murmurs closing all the tabs on his computer going to full screen.

You turn the stream off, your heart pounding. Guilt flooding your veins. You stood up only worsening your dizzy state. You fumbled into the kitchen grabbing a glass of water. You failed, however.

You never made it to the sink. Your brain is racing and your mind is melting. A panic attack flows over your bones and into your soul. Your phone is lost somewhere you don't remember.

Your breath in rapid paces as you can't make anything out. The lack of oxygen fuels your state. Tears start to pool out of your eyes, you start to sob. The crying mixed with the rapid breath causes you to lose all the air you had.

You can't breathe anymore. Any semblance of being able to return to normal is gone. You fall onto your hands and knees scratching at your throat in immense panic. You try to scream or kick or anything that can save you.

You don't even hear when Johnnie uses the key you gave him to enter your home. Finding you thrashing on your kitchen floor, tears falling from your eyes. “Y/n?” he yells dropping to the floor with you.

“What's wrong?” he yells trying to see your face. He manages to grab the side of your face and hold it up. “Can't… breathe,” you mumble, your face starting to lose color.

“You're ok,” he says looking at you. He isn't able to say it with much conviction. His words betrayed his face as it flooded with worry. You try and fail to return your breathing to normal. Johnnie sees you struggle.

“Try and follow mine,” he says, unsure of how to help you. You nod your head trying to listen to his breathing. It wasn't any use if you couldn't hear him properly. You hold your hand on his chest, you can feel his exhale and inhale. You could feel his lungs fill with air.

You tried your best to mimic him. Closing your eyes eventually works. Eventually, you feel your worry melt away, like snow when the weather warms up. It leaves and melts from your body.

Your body relaxes and the tension falls. Johnnie watches as you slowly return back to normal. He brings his hand up to your face and holds you close. You lean into his touch. Your body is slouching.

He wraps his arms around you, holding your body up. “Johnnie?” you ask quietly. The tiredness ebs its way into your body. “Yeah? I'm here. I'm here.” he says slowly. “I need your help. Or someone's I'm not sure. I don't think I can trust anyone else with this.” you whispered to him.

“What's wrong? What can I do?” he asks, moving the hair that fell into your face away. “I have been rotted away by anxiety. I can't leave my house, I can't eat, I cannot do anything anymore. I haven't posted in god knows how long.” you cry standing up and away from him.

He sits up to watch you pace through your apartment. “I can't eat or sleep or talk to anyone without my entire world collapsing. Which isn't helping, it's just making me more anxious.” you cry, pulling at the sides of your face in frustration.

“What can I do? How can I help you?” he asks while walking up to you. You stop your pacing, before abruptly pulling him into a hug. “I need to start seeing a therapist or something else, I need you to help me,” you whispered into his ear.

He pulls away, only a little, to see your face. “We can do that for you. I'm sure it's going to get better if you start slowly, ok?” he whispers back. You smile at him sweetly.

It was going to be hard but little by little you were going to take your life back. You were going to be able to do it with Johnnie.

#jake and johnnie #johnnie guilbert #johnnie guilbert fluff #johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert x you #johnnie x you #johnnie x reader #johnnie guilbert angst #johnnie

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yanderecandystore · 4 years ago

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aye, Idk if this went thou cuz it Tumblr so: I know you say to hold request like this but I wanted to ask for when you started. Maybe a yandere Imposter with a s/o who is a medic for the ship. (It a weird hc that everyone has a job on the ship) So it time for check up other med stuff. The imposter knows that the check up/computer will out them for being an imposter but it a chance to finally be alone with its 's/o'

Oh boo, what I meant about holding asks was that I was holding an anon's ask in the ask box about Yandere Among Us so that I could remember myself to write about it.

You see, a lot of people asked for it so I decided to leave this one ask about it so I could answer it later when I had the proper chapter finished.

It's not that you guys in particular need to hold your asks about Among Us, you can send them! What I tried to do was try to send a message towards the people that wanted to see more of it, that I would be doing more about it really soon.

Also, this is a gorgeous ask! I absolutely love this headcanon. I love the idea of everyone having a particular role, but also being able to do multiple tasks as the whole spaceship is destroyed-

In my Among Us fanfiction, the role of medic is played by the crewmate White, but of course the darling can be a medic in this headcanon!

Also I'll leave the color of the imposter random and out for your imagination in this headcanon, because why not?

TW/Tags: y'all mind if I went a little more… risky? 👀 Cause I think the imposter would be happy to get some "special examination" by their darling- (slight nsfw ish? At the end??) // not accurate to the game but whatevs // yes, I'm tired and therefore mumbling nonsense! // some hard simping coming from the imposter //

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Med-bae 👀 [Yandere!Among Us x Medic!Reader - Headcanon]:

So. This was a terrible idea. You know, when you said "follow me, I'll show you something cool!" they were expecting something more, well, fun?

This is not only not fun, but can also compromise their whole plan. You brought them to medbay to show them not only your favorite tech but to also convince them to let you check them out.

They were the only ones that haven't done any check ups and you needed to collect data from everyone and send it to the facility, ya know, to let them know that you're all safe in this unsafe spaceship.

"- Come on, we need to tell your family that you're healthy!"

"- I could just call them ya know?!" You two scream at each other as they're trying to hold themselves in the wall while you try to pull them inside your workplace.

Well, it could be worse, now that they think about it. There is no one here so…

"- Take off your suit and seat over there." You tell them while pointing at the examination table - "- I'll go pick some equipment, don't worry okay? It's just another checkup."

You tried to make them feel more relaxed by saying that, but they couldn't help but fear their inevitable demise. While you're gone they at least have enough time to change themselves to look more human.

Or at least to come up with something if you ever find out they aren't really the person you thought they were. Oh well, at least they can indulge themselves in the heavy amount of scent lingering around this room, it seems you have spent a lot of time here. In some weird way, this place does fit you a lot, maybe is their mind being easily infatuated by you, but the smallest of decorations or clues of you being here, like: a coat you forgot to pick up, some paperwork covered in stickers, a photo of you and what they presume to be your family.

They wonder if you miss the Earth as much as your entire crew. I mean, that would be unfortunate for them, how would they be able to accompany you back to your home? Wouldn't you prefer to stay here with them? Looking at the stars, with a long life supply of resources for a small family. It doesn't sound so bad right?

Yeah, of course it doesn't sound so bad, the only problem is that there are way, way too many people in this place! All of your crewmates take way too much of your attention and time, that is so unfair-

"- I'm back! Sorry for keeping you waiting." You said while entering the medbay in a hurry. Oh look, their anxiety has also returned! Oh goodie.

"- So, I'll do a couple physical checks and just make a couple of questions, and then I'll let you free okay?" You joke about it, no one really likes to do this, you know that, but come on! It's so simple and easy, and it's just to make sure everyone is doing fine.

"- How has it been this couple of days?" You ask coming towards them.

"- F-Fine I guess. Nothing really special, just the usual." The closer you get the hardest it is to control their heart. This is ridiculous, why does their body act like this at such a crucial moment? And why do I need to be so close in the first place!?!

You make their brains turn into mush.

"- I know this is going to sound cliche, but have you been eating healthy lately?" Oh my, their skin feels hot, maybe you should pick a thermometer! Hopefully they don't have a fever.

"- Yes, I think so." Well, would you consider eating your friends healthy? Probably not. They probably shouldn't say that out loud.

The checkup continues as "normally" as every checkup. Asking if they felt anything, if they have been staying active and eating the healthy options on board, and if they were having a generally pleasant week aboard.

Of course you probably won't notice how their face flush every time you touch or simply crush your fingers on their body, like I said, this is probably harder than any emergency meeting. Trying to keep themselves from creeping you out and from snatching you right there and then. Too close for your own safety yet too distant for their comfort.

It doesn't help that you question all the little oddities happening to their body. Why are they so hot? Why are they sweating so much? Why are they shaking so much? Are they feeling sick? Are they hurt?

No, no, no, no and no, dearest! All of these things are normal for them. That's their normal body temperature.

Oh yeah, and the shaking and sweating is just nervousness. This moment is so perfect, dearest.

Is absolutely perfect, no one can interfere. No one can stop them from being the center of your attention. No one can enter this room for now.

Of course, after so much "teasing" they couldn't control the soft purring emerging from their throats. I mean, honestly you weren't doing much? You're just so close and touchy that it was starting to provoke a new type of hunger inside them.

"- Did you… Did you just... Purr…??" You stepped back, they were acting quite strange throughout the entire checkup, but you thought they were simply shy about this.

' What the hell was going on? Why did they look like that? Why was their expression suddenly so malicious?' You thought.

Well dearest-

What would happen if… Well, the doors suddenly decided to not open? If these sound proof walls suddenly became useful for once?

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

I don't why I had such a hard time writing this, I think I might have adhd-

Or maybe I just really like procrastinating, idk lol

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere #sheep stuff #sheep's stuff #yandere x reader #yandere headcanon #yandere among us x reader #yandere among us #yandere among us headcanon #special delivery headcanons #special delivery request #aaaaah #yander alien #?#does it count?

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lvllns · 4 years ago

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otp tag!

oh holy shit this was a whole thing. i was tagged by @rosebarsoap, @solasan, @impossible-rat-babies, and i’m sure others but my activity feed is a disaster i’m sorry if i missed u. thank y’all for the tags!!

pretty sure everyone has been tagged at this point? i can’t keep track anymore, my brain is mush. if you wanna do this, you’re tagged now!

DISAGREEMENTS. Who is more likely to raise their voice?: Neither of them. At most, they get a hard edge to their voice or speak in clipped tones. It's always about risks being taken.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?: NEITHER OF THEM. There is no way Sparrow or Mason would ever do that.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?: NOBODY LEAVES.

Who trashes the house?: Who the fuck? NEITHER OF THEM!

Do either of them get physical?: NO.

How often do they argue/disagree?: Very, very, very, rarely. It's always about, like, one of them just fuckin doing something and getting injured or being put in danger and the other panicking about it. Or the two of them ignoring the other one telling them to save somebody else and instead saving each other. LISTEN.

Who is the first to apologize?: They both do, like in the middle of whatever they're talking about. It's always like "I'm sorry but I'd do it again" and the other person just "I know and I love you but I think you shaved 5 years off my life."

SEX. Who is on top? Who is on bottom?: This changes every single time.

Any kinks?: Sparrow is with a vampire. You get one guess. A lot of it is Sparrow.......uh, learning things about themself as this goes so like. They discover they're into choking when Mason puts his hand on their neck one time. Ya know. Absolutely into praise as well.

Who has the strangest desires?: I don't know that either of them really want anything considered strange??? I mean, Sparrow wants him to bite them but I feel like Mason would be onboard so.

Who’s dominant in bed?: Mason probably more often than Sparrow, though it definitely flip flops depending. I feel like once Sparrow is more confident, they'd be more up for taking the lead.

Is head ever in the equation?: Of fucking course it is.

If so, who is better at performing it?: Mason for sure.

Ever had sex in public?: They fucked in a haunted house at a carnival.

Who moans the most?: They're both pretty quiet I think, each of them takes great pride in making the other get vocal. A lot of like, soft moans and grunts and whispers.

Who leaves the most marks?: Mason on Sparrow, bc his whack ass healing makes it impossible for Sparrow to leave marks on him, even though they try.

Who is the more experienced of the two?: Mason for sure. Sparrow hasn't........had a lot of experience.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?: They make love baby. Even when it gets rougher, it’s never really fucking. Well, okay, wait, maybe they fucked in the haunted house....that’s not exactly.....an environment conducive to love making.

How long do they usually last?: A...av....average? I don't know enough about sex for this section.

Rough or soft?: Soft most of the time.

Is protection used?: Like 99% of the time, yeah.

Does it ever get boring?: Lol no. Mason is Mason and Sparrow is always up for an adventure or a challenge.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?: THEY. FUCKED. IN. A. HAUNTED. HOUSE. AT. A. CARNIVAL.

Where did they not have sex?: I mean they probably wouldn't fuck, like, in a gas station bathroom?

FAMILY. Do they plan on having children/or have children?: This is so complicated and requires it's own post tbh. Currently, no kids and no plans for kids but it's.......yeah, it's just complicated.

If so, how many children do they want/have?: See above.

AFFECTION. Who likes to cuddle?: Oh they both do, Sparrow initiates it more though.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?: Fucking, both of them. Handsy mother fuckers.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?: BOTH OF THEM. Early in a relationship, Mason more often, but once Sparrow is comfortable? All bets are off, sorry. Don't go into the library ever.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?: There is no becoming uncomfortable, they both just pass out. Or Sparrow falls asleep and Mason is legally unable to move, it's like cat rules.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?: Mason will sit and braid Sparrow's hair while they read. Sparrow likes to just sit with Mason, like leaning on each other, watching a show or talking. Just, they really just like to exist together. Also, fucking off into the woods to go camping.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?: Literally anywhere, Sparrow is not picky and both of them are so tactile, who gives a shit.

SLEEPING. Who snores?: Neither of them.

If both do, who snores the loudest?: Listen.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?: Oh they share a bed for sure. If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?: Sparrow clings to Mason like an octopus.

What do they wear to bed?: Nothing, they both sleep naked.

Are either of them insomniacs?: Nah. Sparrow runs fine on like 4-6 hours of sleep though.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?: Nope.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?: Sparrow likes to wrap themself around Mason but sometimes they will just lay side by side and like, hold hands.

Who wakes up with bed hair?: They both do, Sparrow's is probably worse considering it's long and slightly wavy.

Who wakes up first?: Surprisingly, Sparrow! Only because Mason will fall asleep after they've been asleep for some time already so they wake up before he does.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?: Sparrow is too worried about crumbs in the bed bothering Mason to even think about eating in bed.

What is their favourite sleeping position?: Mason flat on his back, Sparrow with a leg slung over his hip, arm across his chest and their head smashed against whatever part of him is nearest.

Do they set an alarm each night?: Yeah.

Who has nightmares?: They both do, though I think Sparrow is the only one who remembers them after they wake. Mason, luckily, forgets his dreams.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?: Nope, laptops can though.

Who has ridiculous dreams?: Again, both. Again, Mason forgets them while Sparrow remembers.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?: MASON. He just spreads out and Sparrow tucks themself against him, it works fine really.

Who makes the bed?: Mason most often because Sparrow tends to get sidetracked and forget.

What time is bed time?: When Sparrow next passes out is up to the Gods. Mason just crashes whenever he finally feels tired.

Any routines/rituals before bed?: They'll watch an episode or two of a show. Sparrow will meditate. Mason often tries to break their focus.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?: Probably Mason? Sparrow is an annoying morning person.

WORK. Who is the busiest?: Oh they both are. Maybe Sparrow slightly more because of the whole, working for the PD and the Agency thing.

Who rakes in the highest income?: I feel like it ends up pretty even eventually?

Are any of them unemployed?: Nah.

Who takes the most sick days?: I guess Sparrow would, though it's very rare. Mason can't get sick, bastard.

What are their jobs?: Sparrow is a detective and agency liaison. Mason is a specialist agent for the Agency.

Who sucks up to their boss?: I don't think either of them do? Sparrow is polite with the Captain but he's nice enough. They definitely don't suck up to Adam or Rebecca or whomstever is in charge of them at the Agency.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?: Neither of them. Sparrow has Anxiety so they're always at least 10 minutes early.

Who stresses the most?: SPARROW.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?: Mason enjoys what he does for sure. Sparrow.......never wanted to be doing this. At all. They definitely aren't thrilled but they do like it, it's just......not what they wanted.

Are they financially stable?: Oh yeah.

HOME. Who does the washing?: Even trade off I think.

Who takes out the trash?: Sparrow.

Who does the ironing?: Neither of them lmao

Who does the cooking?: Sparrow! Mason likes to sit on the counter and talk while they cook.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?: Mason lmao

Who is messier?: Even split again. Sparrow will set something down, get sidetracked, and then that book stays on the counter for five days until Mason is like "Bird you forgot your book." It's less.....intentionally messy and more just....brain going sideways.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?: Neither of them.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?: BOTH OF THEM. There is a HAMPER and they both just throw their clothes on the ground like HEATHENS.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?: Fucking NEITHER OF THEM.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?: Nope, absolutely never happens. Sparrow's anxiety kicks in and overrides the ADHD and the keys are always in sight.

Who answers the telephone?: If it's not a work call for Sparrow, then Mason.

Who mows the lawn?: Currently, neither of them bc there is no lawn lmao.

Who does the vacuuming?: Sparrow.

Who does the groceries?: Both together because they like doing it together. Mason enjoys putting random shit in the cart and seeing if Sparrow notices.

Who takes the longest to shower?: dasjgnd they're both very quick about showers, so neither?

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?: Sparrow I guess. They're both very much like, there's no real routine. They just fiddle with their hair and go.

MISCELLANEOUS. Is money a problem?: Nah.

How many cars do they own?: Just Sparrow's ol' reliable right now.

What’s their song?: We Love Like Vampires by Sparks the Rescue. Me & You by Honne.

Do they live in the city or in the country?: Country for sure. Both of them like the quiet.

Do they own their home or do they rent?: Right now, Sparrow rents their apartment.

Do they enjoy their surroundings?: I think so, yeah. Sparrow wishes they weren't still in Wayhaven sometimes but it's fine.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?: Whatever needs to be done? There isn't like something specific they have to do if they're apart, they just go on with their day.

Where did they first meet?: Formally, Sparrow's office when Rebecca introduced the entire team.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?: Gods, both of them?

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?: Mason, I guess.

Any mental issues?: Sparrow is a whole Mess honestly, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, etc. etc.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?: Both of them, bastards that they are.

Who’s terrified of bugs?: Eh, neither of them.

Who kills the spiders around the house?: NOBODY. Sparrow scoops them up and puts them outside.

Do they have any fears for their future?: The inevitable "Sparrow is going to die, Mason is an immortal vampire" obviously.

Their favourite place?: Somewhere in the woods together.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?: Mason, since, you know, he doesn't really enjoy eating food.

Who pays the bills?: They both do.

Who’s the tallest?: Mason by like 6 inches.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?: Mason, though Sparrow will too. He just does it more often.

Who wanders around in their underwear?: Oh they both do.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?: Sparrow, though it's rare they do.

What do they tease each other about?: Mason likes to good naturedly tease Sparrow about their bookish nature. Sparrow will squish his cheeks when he glares and grin at him.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?: MASON. Oh Gods, Sparrow is....listen, if they aren't dressed professionally for work or going out, they're a hot mess. I'm talking like bright green hoodie, neon yellow leggings, hot pink running shoes. Like a Lisa Frank folder exploded on a human being.

Who crushed first?: Mason. It took Sparrow a bit to be like "oh it's more than thinking his face is just nice, okay."

Any alcohol or substance related problems?: Nah, Sparrow doesn't drink.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?: Neither of them, considering the above and Mason's vampire biology.

Who swears the most?: Oh they both do. Sparrow looks sweet but they..........listen. They have the mouth of a sailor tbh. You get the two of them in a room together and let them talk and it's a mess of swearing.

#caiti.txt #long post #c: sparrow kingston #mason x sparrow #SURE HOPE THAT READ MORE WORKS #holy shit this was a whole thing wow it took me....a few days lmao

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kurtwarren54 · 4 years ago

Text

Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester

Figured I would do an update on how the first trimester was for Baby 2! Things have been different and more intense the second time around! Excited to share the details with you below.

WEIGHT GAINED

I haven’t tracked my exact weight for JUST the first trimester but at my 16 week appt I had gained 9 pounds which my dr said was normal and on track! I will say the pounds started packing on WAY faster this second time around. Almost to the point I was freaked out. But you have to think that everything is growing and taking shape faster and as long as I am on track with my doctor I am feeling great. It is always also strange coming off fertility treatment into pregnancy because I am not fully myself. I had been doing fertility medication for almost a year and that always adds some start weight. But, like I said, it’s all part of my story. All part of my process. And honestly, the fact that I am here, it all doesn’t matter. I am so grateful to be pregnant and have a healthy baby!!

HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY

Nausea

GOOD GOD. My nausea was 10x worse this time around. At 6 weeks, I went on diclegis prescription for nausea and took 2 pills at night. Despite being on meds, I still struggled through most of my first trimester with extreme nausea. Luckily I did not have vomiting but man… the nausea was REALLY bad. To be honest with you, none of the “tricks” worked for me either. Sure snacks, small meals, ginger, etc etc but nope. Massive unrelenting nausea. The hardest part about it is that being the mom to a toddler means you don’t have the luxury of resting like you do as a first time pregnant woman. Having to take care of an active child while struggling with feeling ill is miserable. I have to thank Blake for pretty much taking over the minute he would be done with work to help me as I was doubled over on the couch. It was rough. And rough knowing just how long the first trimester is. What I did make sure to do was ALWAYS have a snack in the mid afternoon. If I didn’t have some kind of snack between 2-4pm, I would be even more miserable. Saltine crackers were always on my nightstand along with bold chex mix, and goldfish.

Growing pains

I experienced some more intense round ligament pain in my groin area this time around. I noticed it mostly at night. Especially when I needed to lawn, or sneeze or make a bigger movement I would get a twitch of pain from it.

Pregnancy Brain

Like my first pregnancy, pregnancy brain is a REAL THING. I swear the moment I got pregnant my brain turned to mush. It’s hard to explain but I can’t remember anything to save my life. Lol!

Exhaustion

I was a new level of tired being pregnant and chasing a toddler. Truth be told being in a pandemic didn’t help either. Not being able to take him places etc. I was very tired but the sickness bothered me more than being tired.

Constipation

Sorry if that’s TMI but wow the constipation was bad this time around. The first month or two was tough and I know it also has alot to do with how much progesterone is in my body. Since I wasn’t drinking coffee after my transfer right away, it was extra tough. I always feel like coffee gets me moving. HA! I know. So much TMI. You’re welcome.

Baby bump

This time around I feel my belly popped out a lot sooner! At 14 weeks I feel I had a tiny little bump. I am sure I will look back and be like, WOW that wasn’t much of a bump but it’s when I felt there was a defined transformation.

HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY

I think similarly to my first pregnancy, after so much loss (with each of our failed embryo transfers) you keep waiting and holding your breath as each week passes you by. Each week it’s own milestone. And you find yourself thinking, “Oh I will feel good once I hear the heart beat!” “Oh I will feel good when I hit the second trimester.” But really, I think there is always a sense of unease as you move through the process. I think it’s healthy to be a little bit nervous. It’s honest. I think things have just been more stressful with the fact that we are still in a global pandemic because of Covid-19. That has put alot of stress on us keeping our family safe during these times and staying as isolated as we can while also being aware of taking care of our mental health. We are very fortunate living where we do to be able to spend time together outdoors and that has been great for the mind and body. Really, I go to bed, and wake up every day just so damn grateful knowing that I am growing life and repeating to myself that I AM PREGNANT. And THIS IS OUR CHANCE. This is our miracle. It’s been such an emotional roller coaster to get to this point and really, despite any outside stressors buzzing around, I am just so grateful and smile so big everyday knowing that next Summer I get to make Otis a big brother.

WHAT I’M EATING

First trimester for me was CARBS. CARBS and MORE CARBS. Honestly most days I barely had an appetite because of how sick I felt but I know how important it was to nourish my body. So I would basically have to force myself to have my meals. ESPECIALLY when it came to dinner. I had no appetite at all at night. It was bad.

That being said, I didn’t have any coffee for weeks. First off because I avoid caffeine after my embryo transfer and didn’t feel comfortable drinking it until after I heard the heartbeat. At a certain point, when my nausea would allow in the am and I was in the mood for coffee, I started to drink it again. I started with decaf but then had some headaches and my doctor always encourages me to have 1 cup of caffeine to help with my headaches. What I was drinking and couldn’t stop was bubble water (or carbonated water) whatever you like to call it. I usually prefer lukewarm drinks but this pregnancy I was craving ICED COLD bubble water. We actually ended up getting this carbonated water maker and we literally use it EVERY SINGLE DAY. For some reason the cold bubble water just helped with my nausea believe it of not.

Thankfully eggs were a lifesaver for me and I could tolerate them. My favorite go to breakfast that didn’t make me want to throw up: a piece of toast, a tiny bit of mayo, and a sliced hard boiled egg with salt and pepper. I basically ate that every day. I also had a lot of bagels with cream cheese when I wasn’t feeling great. Food was just tough so we didn’t meal plan as much so I could eat more what I could stomach that day.

As the first trimester went on, I was able to eat more regularly. I always try to eat protein for breakfast (like egg) to help really nourish me. I also try to make smarter choices and slip some protein in my afternoon snack. My favorites: string cheese, chocolate covered almonds, toast or apples with almond butter. Don’t get me wrong, some days I have a bowl of chips, a cupcake, or something else that is naughty. I think it’s all about balance and sometimes, you just have to indulge.

HOW I’M SLEEPING

First trimester sleep was rough. With the waking up to pee almost every night that was one element. It’s likely the hormone changes that always get to me. Last pregnancy I had to take unisom to get some form of normal sleep. Since I started the diclegis at 6 weeks with 2 pills at night, I found that helped me sleep MUCH better. So for now, I am sleeping ok. Some nights are better than others. I do toss and turn alot.

EXERCISE

I didn’t really work out at all till at least around 10-11 weeks. Of course I was doing my daily walks with Otis etc and getting my steps in and my blood pumping. But I wanted to take it easy and honestly I didn’t have the energy to do anything before then. Starting at 11 weeks I started short 10 minute workouts on my elliptical that we have in our garage and Blake got me for Christmas. I try to do that, or just walk briskly on our treadmill for 10-15 minutes. There are weeks I barely get 1 “workout” if you even want to call it that. Basically I just try to get my blood pumping whether I am walking for Otis’ morning walk or doing something else. I also started prenatal yoga class (virtually online) every week and its been music ot my soul. Great stretching and a great time for me to sit and connect with my body and the baby. It’s something I really enjoyed while pregnant with Otis so it’s a sense of comfort being able to participate even from my computer at home.

MEDS IM TAKING

For most of the first trimester, I stayed on alot of my IVF medications. I stayed on my prednisone steroids till 9 weeks and then weaned down my estrogen patches as well as weaned down to 1 progesterone injection a day. During this time, I did get some hormonal headaches with all the fluctuations but luckily they weren’t horrible and only lasted 2 days. I finally was able to stop all my meds (with the exception of baby aspirin and my diclegis) at my graduation appointment from the fertility clinic at 12 weeks!!! This was a HUGE milestone after literally doing injections and taking medications for almost a year in prep for each of my FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycles.

CHALLENGES

The biggest hurdles this pregnancy have been knowing and believing that feeling like crap would likely get better at the end of the first trimester. After a year of hormone meds, and then feeling awful my first trimester, a UTI, a yeast infection from the meds of the UTI (sorry TMI!!) I got to the point where being in my own skin was just frustrating. Being pregnant is a WILD things because your body is completely taken over. It’s beautiful in many ways and also still really emotionally challenging in others. I am so thankful to see the light at the end of the tunnel of the first tri. But anyone else that is “IN IT” my heart hugs yours mamas. It’s tough!!

WHAT I’M WEARING

I feel everything comes on sooner with the second pregnancy and the need for stretchy things came sooner. When it comes to leggings, I still wear my pre-pregnancy lululemon align leggings which are high rise and so stretchy as well as my alo leggings that are really soft and a little lower rise. Both still fit comfortably and fit over my growing body. Toward the end of my first trimester, I ended up buying these maternity leggings from beyond yoga and I LOVE them. They feel like second skin and are so buttery soft. They come all the way up over your bump or you can also fold it down to go under. Highly suggest them as they are SO comfy.

Also because I don’t leave my house often (because of Covid-19) I wear a ton of sweats. These sets from Michael Stars have been a guilty pleasure because they are SO soft and made of terry material. I also love my sweat set from Tan Lines that Sivan sent over. The material is SO soft and I feel like a cool mom in them. Although Blake made fun of my crop top sweater. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IS COOL!!! I do enjoy wearing more cropped tops when pregnant to let the belly have it’s little bit of room. I did end up getting one pair of maternity denim from jbrand that actually fit great toward the end of my first trimester also. Will report back when I wear them out. Equally stretchy too.

I did buy 3 bras from skims that I have been loving too. This scoop bra, this triangle bra and this nursing bra are all GREAT. I wanted to see what the hype was about with this brand and I have to say the materials are ON POINT. VERY comfy. If you plan to order, SIZE UP and size up big time. I got at least size L in everything because my boobs are enormous now and I feel their stuff runs small. I also have a ton of bras from Otis’ pregnancy. From last pregnancy, I have my hatch and bravado bras that I wear weekly also.

It’s different for the second pregnancy because you start showing and feeling bigger sooner (at least in my case) so you are in that in between period of not fully having a bump but feeling large and awkward if that makes sense. I have to say, a perk of pandemic life is the fact that I am mostly in lounge wear so I have been able to avoid real clothes for most of the first trimester aside from doctors appointments etc.

SELF LOVE

First trimester was just really challenging with not feeling well constantly. Hard to give yourself self love, in a pandemic, with no childcare help. If anything, I tried to listen to my body, and lay down when Otis was napping and try my best to give my body the much needed rest it was craving. Nearing the end of the first tri, showers and a blow dry were my self care routine and even an at home mani/pedi. Feeling better was already such a treat and allowed me the time to do some other things for myself. I think it’s just so important to listen to your body and slow down when you need it.

FIRST TRIMESTER PURCHASES

Purchases for me:

Skims scoop bra

Skim maternity nursing bra

Skims triangle bra

Beyond yoga maternity capri leggings

Aarke water carbonator

Lululemon align leggings

Summer fridays babymoon belly balm

Purchases for baby:

Kyte baby rainbow onesie

Kyte baby toddler blanket

Moby mickey wrap (blake bought this for me!)

Letterfolk sign

Masongrey baby bundle

BABY PREPARATIONS

So we didn’t do much to prep for baby in the first trimester except for me sharing our good news with my good friend (and interior design guru) Anne! She helped to plan out the interiors of our whole home including master bedroom, living and dining rooms, and most recently Otis’ nursery. I basically texted her and forced her to dream up Baby #2 nursery ideas so we are currently working on that! IT’S GOING TO BE EPIC.

WHAT’S NEXT

I am looking forward to more ultrasounds!!!! I can not WAIT for my anatomy scan at 20 weeks to get some more face time with baby. Other than that, it’s check off each week as an incredible milestone and try to remain as active as I can to help get my body strong for delivery again. It’s exciting to near the half mark and be buying things for baby, talking to Otis about the baby and just imagining our life together as a family. I honestly am still in shock everyday. I feel lucky everyday. Our rainbows have brighten out life immensely and I am so excited to continue to share our journey with you all. Big love from all of us.

The post Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

from Wellness https://www.eatsleepwear.com/2021/02/17/pregnancy-2-first-trimester/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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elizabethcariasa · 4 years ago

Text

Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester

Figured I would do an update on how the first trimester was for Baby 2! Things have been different and more intense the second time around! Excited to share the details with you below.

WEIGHT GAINED

HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY

Nausea

Growing pains

Pregnancy Brain

Like my first pregnancy, pregnancy brain is a REAL THING. I swear the moment I got pregnant my brain turned to mush. It’s hard to explain but I can’t remember anything to save my life. Lol!

Exhaustion

Constipation

Baby bump

HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY

WHAT I’M EATING

HOW I’M SLEEPING

EXERCISE

MEDS IM TAKING

CHALLENGES

WHAT I’M WEARING

SELF LOVE

FIRST TRIMESTER PURCHASES

Purchases for me:

Skims scoop bra

Skim maternity nursing bra

Skims triangle bra

Beyond yoga maternity capri leggings

Aarke water carbonator

Lululemon align leggings

Summer fridays babymoon belly balm

Purchases for baby:

Kyte baby rainbow onesie

Kyte baby toddler blanket

Moby mickey wrap (blake bought this for me!)

Letterfolk sign

Masongrey baby bundle

BABY PREPARATIONS

WHAT’S NEXT

The post Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

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tiredstarryeyes · 4 years ago

Text

2011

This is incredibly long overdue. I’ve been meaning to post this for a while now, but fear has always stopped me. It’s a relief to finally feel and hear my voice, regardless if it’s only in written form. Warning: Mention of DV, suicidal thoughts, and depression.

When I was 18, I had a roommate that was in a physically violent relationship. I heard, and at times witnessed these acts, for roughly a year and a half.

I had just moved to Sydney to start my journey as an Actor, and I was scared shitless, broke as hell, and so naive it was pathetic. After a mere few weeks, I was all of sudden thrown into the deep end of adulthood, and faced with the choice of standing up for myself and this victim. It really didn’t hit me at first. The weight of what was really going on. It’s a part of my life that I’ve not talked about, a trauma that eventually chipped away at my psyche, and turned my mental state into mush. It’s safe to say because of this, I now have a love-hate relationship with my past, as it’s something that I will always be in therapy for, but I’m not ashamed to admit the struggle. I’m not the only one in this world who has been through something like this, and definitely not the only one who has been through depression and trauma.

The reason I stayed, was because coming home and starting again, would mean that I had failed. My biggest fear in life. I had planned to move out of home since I was 15. Worked at a crappy part time job for over 3 years and saved every penny I made. People at the bank knew me by my first name, praising me for being so diligent with my money. I auditioned for a school and got in, so did my best friend at the time with hers, respectively. Everything about the plan was put into motion, and then here we were, ready to start our new lives. Thinking back on it, I was just young and dumb and selfish, yet understandably, I was also in shock. Having been so isolated and protected from the harsh realities of the world, then immediately faced with this type of responsibility, I simply could not cope. I’m ashamed to admit I sat in mostly stunned silence until it was over, then just went to sleep. I remember everyone waking up the next morning, exchanging awkward small talk, ignoring the bruises, and pretending nothing had happened. The repercussions of telling my family, and sticking up for myself and this girl all at once, stuffing up my best friends plans as well, was seemingly too much to bare. I had no experience in the latter, so I drowned within the uncertainty of it all. I think I was in denial as well, but I really had no idea what to do, so I simply did nothing.

Sadly, because of this, all good memories of my first apartment, my early 20’s, and living out of home for the first time, are tainted with sounds of screams.

Before I sound like more of a wet blanket, I know that everything happens for a reason, and I’ve made this part of my journey the reason for my strength and resilience, and that’s something to be proud of.

As they they say with trauma, the mind may forget, but the body doesn’t. The PTSD, PTD, anxiety, depression, and emotional triggers that came from this experience, didn’t just go away once I left. Doors were slammed in my face, things were thrown, people were slapped and beaten, furniture was pulled to pieces. It took five years to talk about it without crying, and I still do to this day at times. It’s a trigger for so many things, and I still feel guilty over it. I think I always will to an extent, and I’ve had to work really hard to be at peace with that. If it had affected me this badly to just see and hear it, I can’t imagine what internal struggle and pain was inflicted to the person at the other end of those fists. The aftermath seamed worse than the actual event, and that was a hard thing to accept. I walked around angry for too many years. Too much time wasted hating the world for what was happening to her, how I couldn’t just get over it once I finally bit the bullet and crawled back home. Rather than enjoying my life, like so many people told me to do, I know I let the experience, and my reaction to it, rob those years from me.

I eventually did call the police after a few months, though.

I asked her one morning if she was scared. She said yes. So I kept going with the questions. I asked her if she wanted it to be over. She said yes. I asked her if she wanted to leave this person. She said yes. I asked her if she was afraid. She said yes. I asked her how long it had been happening. It was way longer than I expected or could wrap my head around. I told her that I had heard everything and that I was scared too. She said she was sorry and we both hugged and cried and fell to the floor. I’ll never forget that moment. Two bits of broken pieces finding each other on dirty carpet. A mess of feelings. Both numb and drained at the environment we were in, feeling stuck and desperate to get out. I made a pact with her and told her to scream for me next time things got heated, and when she did, I ran in and got her just as I had promised. We waited in the dark and I called the police. A few weeks passed, and we went to court. I was standing there in front of the double doors, ready to go in, my scripts clutched to my chest for the acting class I’d have to attend afterwards, (because I moved to Sydney to become an Actor, and a court hearing wasn’t going to stop me. That was my thinking process while in the midst of losing my god damn mind, naturally.) standing there willing to testify for what was right, was one of the scariest moments of my life, staring at the judge in the court room, full of other people who didn't give a shit if I was having a meltdown or not, including the police officers, though are we surprised?

Then, sadly, nothing really came of it. Except my $30 check for making an appearance. The officer then gave me their business card and told me to send them an email if I needed anything. Like a fucking email was going to stop someone from getting beaten up? But lol ok you do you boo.

Relationships like that are messy and complicated and don’t make sense unless you’re in it. I get it now in retrospect, as I’ve put up with bad behaviour and my fair share of narcissism from men, so I get how hard it is to break things off.

Boy, do I get it.

I’ve spent the last 9 years of my life putting myself through therapy because of what I didn’t do, because I didn’t reach out, living in fear. When I couldn’t stop ruminating over the guilt and self loathing and self pity of not making better choices, not feeling I was smart enough, good enough, worthy enough of anything in life because I let this happen.

One night, thinking about what happened in that room, I drank too much wine, blacked out, and told my doctor I wanted to go on antidepressants the following morning. I was sick and tired of not feeling like these thoughts were coming from my own brain. It didn’t feel like mine and I didn’t feel like me. I was on them for 8 months.

I can’t deny I’ve never thought about not being here either. What this world, my family, or what my friends would do if I were suddenly no longer here, had started to cross my mind a lot in those days. I don’t have those thoughts anymore, but I have had them clear as day, and it has to be said.

I remember the moment it felt like my thoughts were finally back to how they were before it all happened. That moment in the movie when the character is called too adventure, before it all goes to shit? That alive, happy person full of hope and ambition. I wanted to be her again, and I finally started to recognise the old me in this moment.

I remember breaking down in the shower at the gym, during the fourth day of taking Citalopram. Sobbing happy tears because I finally recognised this thing in my head that was making me think and navigate my consciousness again. Like I had woken up from a bad dream. I literally felt the imbalance of chemicals changing over in my brain, re-wiring itself so I could finally function again.

This memory, is why I am who I am, and I wear my mental illness that at times seams non existent, but at other times is emotionally and physically debilitating, really fucking proudly, and everyone else can as well. Apparently 1 in 7 people in Australia suffer from depression sometime in their life, so this is not a rare occurrence, just a rare conversation topic to be had because of the stigma against mental illness.

It’s 2020. Let’s change that.

I write this because these dark parts are the realest, rawest bits of myself that I relate too more than anything else. They give me strength and drive and motivate me to always do better for my past self who hated herself too much.

Also, not a lot of people may fully understand the fact that I have depression and anxiety, without really knowing the extent, nor how it came about. I guess it’s because I lost my younger years to this very rough and draining experience, so I think I’ll always appear young at heart and seam more innocent and plain than I actually am, as I’ll always feel like I need to make up for all that lost time. Watching everyone else live through their early 20′s so positively. Because I never did, and this may possibly be my anxiety talking, it may affect how people perceive me. In the Acting world, seaming younger than I am has worked to my advantage, but in reality, people may misunderstand and judge me for it, too. I just hope this post will help make people understand why I have not had certain experiences, and to not judge other people if they have been through the same. There is always more to a person. To sound cheesy as fuck, we are all just the tips of the Icebergs above the water, and you may never know what's been endured beneath the surface of someone, or why they are only showing you certain parts of themselves because there’s not a simple answer for it, and that’s not a bad thing. They are not lazy, boring, or inexperienced. I am not an open book, and I don’t care if you can’t find the patience to try and understand why.

Depression, to me, feels like this:

It’s like a dark storm cloud that follows you over your shoulders everyday. I can’t sense it on the good days. But, when it’s there, I struggle to see through the fog and it’s like I’m suffocating or choking. When it’s triggered and starts to rumble, all of a sudden you can feel it tingling down your spine. It’s similar to a foreboding like feeling that is all encompassing and knocks you around, mentally and physically. It’s like a presence that gets more difficult and heavy the longer I ignore it. I usually have an inkling that something has been triggered, even if it’s not obvious right away, and I soon come to know that I have some work to do for myself over the following weeks when I have this certain feeling.

If I don’t have the time to reflect however, (in my case, I was filming for my first TV show a few months ago, and didn’t want to focus on anything but the work, and boy did I pay for it afterwards) the storm always becomes louder and I become more lethargic or more sensitive or angry, and it feels like my limbs are constantly dragging me towards the ground. I’m exhausted when I wake up because my anxiety hits me at night and I can’t sleep. And then the cycle repeats itself and I am, a mess. It can be a very temperamental thing when you’re out of your routine. It’s also hard sometimes to differentiate between having off days and feeling down, which is fine, but then if I’m waking up and realising it’s been a week and I can’t stop crying, that’s a warning sign I’m on the precipice of an episode. I know then that this is the beginning of just a bad few weeks, and I need to figure out how to get out of this dark place in my mind.

The last few months, it’s been my anxiety that’s gone and unsettled me to my core, and after a few sessions of therapy, some Valium, keeping my boundaries up, I’ve mentally been able to reset myself, and can look at life more clearly for what it is.

This year has been stressful for the entire planet, but I think it was probably a mixture of self doubt, paranoia, staring at the age of 30, maybe, and feeling more isolated than I actually am because of covid. Many reasons I’m sure I’ll figure out later, but I stopped crying a few weeks ago, and don’t feel down anymore, so it’s going to be a good month rather than a hectic one. There’s also a lot to look forward to as well now, and positive thinking is feeling less like a chore. (You know you’re out of the storm when feeling happy ain’t draining! Am I right!)

One thing that has helped is the BLM movement here in Aus, and connecting more to my heritage. Unpacking my childhood in relation to that is going to take a bit more strength, but I know more about my people at this point in my life then I ever have before, and it’s helped shaped my identity and made me feel more closer to myself. I know now, it may always feel like there are missing links to an eternal puzzle that may never be completely put together, or understood. But, I know that's not my fault. It’s because of what this country did to my people. Their voices were taken, their lives erased and destroyed, and thus, were not given to me to learn about and pass on like other generations had the privilege of doing.

I feel like we are louder and stronger than ever before, but that’s probably because we have had no choice and have never given up.

At times, all I can do is read about them online, listen to my friends stories who have lived with culture around them, watch our movies, read our books, and feel something I cannot name. That’s not to say I have not experienced racism. I have, and do and always will, and I already feel fear for my future children because it is inevitable. But, I find comfort from the fact that I know this essence of myself has been, and is always going to be there inside me to help make me strong. No matter who I am or what I become, my Aboriginal identity will always be something I can treasure and protect and claim no matter what someone may think of me. I can talk to my ancestors however I want, defend my people whenever I want, because it is no one else’s journey but my own.

#depression #warning #anxiety #wordvomit

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txskax · 7 years ago

Note

All interview questions for Eliseo

Eliseo replies and turns to his mun with concern.

- What is your Full name? Include any maiden names, aliases, or nicknames. Eliseo Matteo Lee, I usually go by Eli for close friends and family members

- When is your birthday? Do you know where you were born and at what time? April 17, 1982, I was born in Italy, province Bari.

- What is your star sign? Do you know your Chinese Zodiac too? I believe that I am an Aries and my Chinese Zodiac is the dog

- What is your earliest memory that you can remember? I remembered the summer of 1986 in Bari my father taught me how to catch my first fish, best summer day spent that year.

- Where was your childhood home? Was it more urban or rural? With the buildings and such, it was kind of a cross in between, but it is more urban than it would be rural. We had not much land and hour home was like a townhouse type of deal, but it was beautifully set cliff side to look over the ocean

- How was your childhood in general? Did your parents treat you well? Did you have a lot of friends? I had a very fulfilling childhood until I reached the year of our accident, my parents were the most loving and understanding couple you could meet, they would always greet you with open arms and warmth. I did have some friends but they all left my side when I became blind and then I ended up moving to Korea and basically no one befriends me, perhaps because they can only pity me so much.

- How was/is school? What is your favorite and least favorite subjects? What were your grades on average? School was a blast in the elementary years, then high school and university was just a horrible freak show, I never thought that the smallest thing on this earth would be human kindness but what else could I expect. Least favorite subject were the sciences and my most favorite was mathematics. My grades are above average, not exceptional.

- Did you have a best friend growing up? What was their name? Are you still in touch? I had a friend named Dario, he was close to me for a very long while but when we moved on to grade 11 he had moved to another province in Italy. In general I have lost contact with him.

- Were you in any cliques? No.

- Best childhood memory you can recall? Being told that was going to be a big brother, when my mother was pregnant with her third child.

- Worst childhood memory you can recall? I do not know what was worse, being told that my eye sight will get worse and possibly permanently gone or the fact that my mother died in the accident along with my sibling inside of her. Both had me devastated.

- Name an event in your childhood that has shaped you into the person you are today. I became a spokesperson for people against drunk driving due to my accident. I am the outcome of this circumstance, but due to this I learn there are many more values in life that we must cherish, and these things are crucial. Things cannot be taken for granted and that with whatever is happening around us, do not forget to be thankful for everything we have already.

- What is the dumbest thing you have ever done to impress someone? Were they impressed or was it all for naught?I have never shown off or have done anything to get people to fancy me. I don’t work that way.

- Did you ever have any sweethearts or lovers? Do you have a boy/girlfriend? I liked a girl back in grade 5 but I was a naive kid, what did I know about love? But no, I have never dated anyone, I have never held hands with anyone in that romantic manner either.

- Are you a virgin? Considerably yes? (to be discussed lol)

- Do you ever plan on getting married in your life? Do you want kids? Oh yes I am growing older, I do want to settle very much and I would love to have kids, I just adore them.. but I fear of being a burden t my spouse and my children so I distance myself a lot

- Would you rather have your own kids or adopt? How many kids would you want? Adopt or not they will be loved and cherished as my kids, and they will have the highest quality of life. I would prefer one girl and one boy, but if nature happens, it happens.

- Do you think you'd be a protective parent or a relaxed parent? I think I am a good healthy in between, I do not like spoiled kids but I do not believe emotionally scarred kids are good either, I like to balance out my love and my discipline for the.

- How would you prefer to pass away? Surrounded by loved ones and at peace, or while doing something heroic? I would prefer to die with loved ones around me but dying at least feeling I did my best for the world around me.

- Generally, how healthy are you? Do you get sick or injured easily or are you fit? I have physiotherapy to help me, I am not healthy 100% but I am not too ill, I have respiratory issues and sometimes my legs could give out but I am doing my best on working out

- Have you ever been badly injured before? Yes.

- What is the worst injury you have ever gotten? What was it and how did it happen? Were you ever close to death? Like I said my blindness is part of my injuries, alongside with broken ribs and slight internal trauma. A drunk truck driver has slammed into our family car, my mother passed, my father fell unconscious I sparred my sister with her only having a broken arm and I have suffered head trauma and such.

- How many times have you been to the hospital/doctor's? I cannot count but I have kept all of my paperwork

- Have you ever had a concussion or brain injury? Have you ever had amnesia? -- please read the other info

- What was the worst illness you ever contacted? Do you know what it was? How long were you sick? stitching infection? after they patched up my chest the stitching had a slight infection and I have gotten the worst fever ever experienced.

- Ever had any extended hospital stays? What for? Yes.

- Have you ever had to give yourself or someone else emergency first aid? What happened? Yes, that is disclosed information.

- Are you employed? Where do you work and who do you work for? What do you do? I am a professional artist and commissioner. I am self employed with my own studio and gallery/store, I can take commission requests from clients or sell my current art works to the public.

- Are you happy with your current job? Yes

- Did you have any previous jobs? What were they and what did you do? None

- Most dangerous thing you have ever done? Tried to cross the street during traffic just to kill myself

- Do you consider yourself a more active person or a more relaxed person? Perhaps more relaxed

- What is your dream come true? How about your worst nightmare? Well I had a dream to be the greatest artist and that is a come true for sure. My worst nightmare is not being able to help my father and sister.

- What is the biggest and most important goal you have set for yourself? Find good quality happiness and keep it. Do not settle for anything less than happy.

- How persistent would you say you are? How much does it take to get you to give up on a task? I will push as mush as I can to get the results I want, I am not rude about it but i don’t believe in early give ups. To get me to stop early is to pretty much hurt me with you saying no.

- Would you surrender yourself to your enemies or fight to the very end? Fight to the very end

- When do you usually do your shopping? What is currently on your shopping list? I usually stand to hold the cart my sister determines what to buy but I usually request pepero to be first

- Top three things on your wishlist? nothing as of now

- Currently, what is something you want but do not need? A lover hahahaha

- Do you like shopping? What is your favorite thing to shop for? Honestly, I can’t see things to be desiring materialistic things. But I do like art supply shopping, its a guilty pleasure

- What is the most expensive thing you have purchased? Was it worth it? Specialized paints with braille, and YES

- What would you do if you were suddenly given one billion dollars out of the blue? I will donate half to charities I like, and the rest will be to my family. I keep nothing.

- What would you describe your style of clothing as? I am mostly painting through the day so something dark and simple so it is easy to clean or dispose.

- Do you have any hobbies? Name all of them if you can. Painting, singing, reading, swim?

- Do you like and appreciate art? What is your favorite piece of artwork? YES of course!! Jean - Michel Basquiat, his works are controversial, meaningful, despite its raw and childish form he is a man with proper anatomy and art education that uses his form of art style to convey a rather complex yet simple message to the viewer. I also have a major crush on him too from when i was young

- Do you like music? What is your favorite style of music? I listen to classical music mostly, I like myself some Chopin, or if I want opera-esque then probably I will go for Georgy Sviridov

- Have you ever seen any musicals? What is your favorite?Eh no

- What are your top three favorite animals? What would you say your "Patronus" or "Spirit Animal" is? Dogs, deers, BEARS. And I am not sure, maybe a bear

- What are your top three favorite colors? Reds, Beiges/neutrals, and Pink

- What is your favorite season? Do you prefer hotter or colder weather? Do you like snow at all? I love autumn, the time that is not too chilly or not too hot, the beautiful colors and smells of fresh spices and rain.

- What kind of flavors do you prefer: Sweet, Sour, Bitter, Spicy, Dry, or Umami (savory meat taste)? I like sweet or sour things

- Can you cook at all? I can but not recommended for my to do things alone

- What is your favorite dish? Can you prepare it? Do you have the recipe handy? I like all types of soups, I can make congee yes and I definitely don’t need a recipe for it

- What is your favorite fruit and vegetable? I like peaches and squash

- What is your favorite dessert? What is your favorite type of candy/treat? I love Ice cream, a cooling sweet treat that I love to eat any time of the year

- What is the best thing you have ever had the opportunity to eat? What is the worst? I fell in love with sushi but I regret goat meat, that stuff stinks

- Do you like to drink tea or coffee? Any favorite flavors? Both and I like my coffee plain as a dark brew but tea my favorite is Green tea

- Describe your sense of humor. Dry and basically dark, or considerably no sense

- What is one thing you are justly proud of? My sister, like she is thriving and living happily, I am very happy to be her older brother

- Do you have any religious beliefs? If not, have you ever been to a church service? I am catholic by birth, I had beliefs but now I thinks its all bologna and just stupid

- What would you say is the worst thing someone has done to you? What is the meanest thing someone has ever said to you? Lie to me about their feelings towards me? like my hopes were brought up really high when I hear that someone is interested in me but just the next day it waivers.

- What is the worst thing you have done to someone? What is the meanest thing you have said to anyone? Reciprocate feelings? I would never do anything physically to hurt someone but sometimes my words and thoughts can be harsh

- Share the latest entry in your diary/journal. That.. is confidential

- What is the most precious thing you own? Is it valuable at all? A pendant left by my mother, the only thing of her that I have brought with me from the beginning and now until my end.

- Talk about someone you know. It can be someone you either like or dislike. My mother, I can start that she is the most beautiful woman I had in my life (besides my sister) and I an not talking about just her visuals, her heart was like a bucket of warm gold, she worked hard and shared every moment she had with those around her. Despite her not having enough things for herself she always made sure her neighbors would always have a share too. My mother is intelligent, strong, courageous. She may not be the prettiest of women to some people but she is my mom.. and no one else could replace her from my heart and mind.

#eli;rp #replies #((mun is out of breaf))#Anonymous

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mainstreamelectricalparade · 7 years ago

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So apparently sick Jordan is evil Jordan @jvwriter90 (I’m kidding, I love tags)

1. What made you start writing for the first time.

My sibling was doing it and I thought it was the coolest thing ever, so I thought I’d give it a try. I only really started taking myself seriously as a writer when I was... 14 or 15, I guess.

2. If you could only write about the ocean, forest, or the desert for the rest of your life, which one would you pick?

Ooh, I’m torn between the ocean and the forest, because they’re both special to me for different reasons (even though I’m not a big beach person and the forest gives me the sneezies). (Just because I live in the desert doesn’t mean I love the desert. It’s not bad, but I wouldn’t write about it forever.) I’d probably write about the ocean, though.

3. Would you ever write a memoir?

If my life ever got more interesting, maybe. I don’t do enough right now, lol.

4.Do you like writing by hand, or writing with a computer?

Computer. I think faster than I can write, so it’s hard enough getting my typing to keep up with my brain, writing by hand is just murder because I write so fast that it all mushes together and I make a lot of spelling mistakes and it’s illegible anyway by the time I want to put it onto my computer for back-up and safekeeping.

5. Would you rather be popular among many readers, or unpopular, but loved by critics?

READERS. Like, honestly, if a bunch of 12-25 year olds on the internet like what I write better than a bunch of middle-aged critics who don’t understand why the things I write about are important to me, a “millennial” (even though I’ve been told I’m generation x or y or whatever the heck idek), I think I’ll have won.

6. Do you listen to music while you write? What is the best writing music?

I LOVE listening to music when I write. I have a file full of quotes that remind me of my novel, and a lot of them are song lyrics. Although my first thought when I think “writing music” is usually a video game or movie soundtrack (because of all the different vibes and emotions the tracks are supposed to convey) or, like... I have a couple of playlists on youtube, one is literally just a collection of my favorite “rooms” by a channel called ASMR Rooms, that does ambient noise for fictional universes and stuff, and then the other one is called “bops and writing music” which is just... bops. I don’t know how to explain that one.

7. Do people you’ve met find their way into your writing?

Yeah, kind of. I don’t base characters off of real people as much as I base dialogue off of real people, though. I have this, like, 35-page file full of prompts and things that I’ve seen or heard that gave me an idea, and I know at least four of those pages are filled with just ridiculous things that I’ve said, or my family has said, or my friends have said, or that I’ve heard people say just passing by when I’m out somewhere. If you’ve said something really funny or cool to me, there’s a really good chance that I’ll add it to the file and either quote you word for word, or paraphrase it.

@ssswexceptitsnotwritingrelated and @justpercyjacksonthings your turn :)

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mrsavis-blog · 5 years ago

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Here we are again..

My brain is fried and I’m tired but not sleepy.. Like I just need to lay flat for a couple of hrs without mentally processing a d@mn thing.

I’ve literally been filling out applications since my last post.... sooo about roughly 10-11hrs straight.

Let me tell you what, job hunting is TEDIOUS and exhausting!! It is a full out job itself if you’re actually cross-referencing multiply hir sites and salary reports. “Ain’t nobody got time to end up at a suck @ss broke job”

I’ve personally been focusing on gigs that pay around $ 28-40k, gotta be sure I can pay these bills and get rid of this debt.

I got a couple of phone calls today about owing some company, and another one was soo BOLD enough to send someone to our home AROUND 9 PM!!

Mind you the company that came to our residence was trying to get our business back from a canceled subscription.

*Deep sigh* ... “UUuugghhh”...

Let’s just leave that topic right there, I’m not a fan about talking about my debt. But it is super relieving to get it out; the only other person I can talk to is the one I’m in it with. * Kanye shrug*

So moving right along... Am I the only one who gets so mentally drained from the mundane tasks of daily responsibilities, that by night time your brain switches off. I’m like a few neuron cells short from walking into walls at this stage.

BUT!!! I am super excited that I’ll be able to blow my stress away tomorrow night! It’s cheap drinks night at a local bar, and my brother is coming down to catch up on basically half a yr’s worth of celebrations he’s missed.

Okay, that gif is a little intense but it fits perfectly lol..

So I don’t know if it’s due to hormones or just the constant stress I’ve been living in.. But today I had a Visual Migrain... That sh!t was not in the least bit okie doke... In fact, it was very much the opposite and left me feeling like WTF!?

I was filling out an application (obviously) and then out of nowhere w/o warning, this bright @ass geometric shaped dot was in my dead center vision... It slowly grew and developed into more of a crescent moon with even more vivid super-bright @ss colors with geometric shapes... I looked it up as the average person with Wifi access... Turns out this sh!t happens...

This is very close to sort of how it looked but without all the different shapes and rapid movements, I could still see passed it but not very well.

OH and if that wasn’t a concern enough.. my right knee has been f#cking with off & on about a week now.. I swear you have a kid and then your body starts to fall apart. It’s morbidly disturbing and NO I haven’t come to terms with any of this aging sh!t yet. I’m still not even at peace with my new body...

I’ve already told my partner that when I finish having kids I’m getting a mommy makeover (basically tummy tuck & breast lift) and having my nipples pierced to reclaim my tits. Might even get something much lower pierced as well but I doubt it lol.

I did, however, get my nose & tongue pierced after having my dragon (that’s how I see my baby, the kid can totally blow fire & fly).

Honestly, I just have to stick to my schedule.. I have every hr planned out.. But when sh!t got real all I could do & focus on is this job search bullsh!t.

At this point, I just see it like a bandaid just rip the sh!t off. I’m soo ready to skip the applying, hiring, training, adjusting process.. Someone wake me up with 3 months pay so I can get back to other sh!t that matters.

This is another issue of mines I get completely tunnel vision on a certain task, I can lose hrs-months focusing on one thing. But I’ve been told it can be a gift if I learn how to hone it. Eh I suppose... hopefully someday soon.

At this point, I’m just manifesting a high paying, medium to low demanding, a relatively easy-going job for myself.

I can’t even stop talking about it... UGh, and if I take a break I immediately am just filled with guilt over the whole situation. I barely even eat anymore and this is a bad cycle of mines.

I’ll stress out, stay up night & day working hard & focusing on something, then barely get sleep or eat, and eventually get sick, and then depressed. While through the whole process being bombarded with guilt over everything I do.

This job is more than just a solution to my financial woes & related stressed, it’s going to help my psyche as well. Get me out of a rout and out of this home.. I’ve been tucked away in my home since April.. It’s been extremely maddening.

Whelp I have an early celebratory cold dessert calling my name, and I totally deserve to get my @ss off of this laptop!

If there as to be one the Moral of the sess is: “Sometimes you just have to pound sh!t out. Sit down and do it!”

Eh kinda crummy but did I mention that my brain is mush right now.. It’s a wonder I can even type.

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kayleigh-83 · 7 years ago

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A lot of replies, because I am slow

Some of you will think this is a fast reply, some of you will hardly remember leaving me these comments eons ago.

@simper-fi x2 @shaysugar x5 @simlishnoir @dramallamadingdang x4 @jenba @plumbtales @sterina-sims

simper-fi

replied to your photoset

“A work in progress house. I wasn’t sure I liked the kitchen but I...”

That was supposed to be another exclamation point ;) (sorry, damn iPhone!)

simper-fi

replied to your photoset

“A work in progress house. I wasn’t sure I liked the kitchen but I...”

I really love the kitchen!?

Thank you! I think it’s still growing on me. What threw me off is probably wood coloured cabinets, I almost always do black, white or grey, occasionally a bright. Also..... I really wanted a black electric countertop range for this kitchen but had no stove for this set, so I used one from a different kitchen in the closest colours I could find. It wasn’t a *great* match so I just cleverly angled the camera to hide it better here LMAO!

simlishnoir

replied to your post

“Has anyone ever noticed their Tumblr randomly unfollowing people? I’ve...”

I think it's a known bug in the Tumblr mobile app

shaysugar

replied to your post

“Has anyone ever noticed their Tumblr randomly unfollowing people? I’ve...”

Yeah tumblr does that sometimes until it stops and then does it again ��

Well poop! That’s annoying. I just had to re-follow the same person twice in two days. They’re probably looking at their notifications thinking I’m really indecisive.

shaysugar

replied to your photo

“Just a little excellent townie stink-face.”

Cute townie ☺

simper-fi

replied to your photoset

“The Bohemian Cafe It’s finally playable! I built this a couple months...”

AHHHHHH I LOVE THIS

shaysugar

replied to your photoset

“Dominic and Emily stay home sick from work, and spend the day reading...”

your sims are cuuute❤️

plumbtales

replied to your photoset

“Bonne and Bijou, Clyde and Peri’s kittens, aged up! They turned out...”

Aw, they're adorable ❤

Thank you so much all!

dramallamadingdang

replied to your photo

“My Sims Don’t Understand Demotions: An Ongoing Series”

Family Sims...smh...

@dramallamadingdang LOL They can be a little silly that’s for sure!

dramallamadingdang

replied to your photo

“This nanny looks like she’s seen some shit. As soon as the kid went...”

Yup. I remember those kinds of days from when my kids were little...

@dramallamadingdang Looks traumatizing!

shaysugar

replied to your photoset

“Trixie making her own fun.”

Pets!��

shaysugar

replied to your photoset

“This was a new one for me - I noticed while he was taking a shower...”

Hahaha I kind of have a distant memory of this!!

@shaysugar Hopefully pets will be happening soon in TS4 for you! My mom plays it so I’ve been rooting for it haha. And the peeing in the shower thing just cracked me up so much!

dramallamadingdang

replied to your photoset

“This was a new one for me - I noticed while he was taking a shower...”

They do that if they have 0 or 1 neat points, I think it is. I think it's conveniently time-saving, personally. I love my slobby Sims. :)

That’s really funny, but really efficient I think!

dramallamadingdang

replied to your photoset

“The Bohemian Cafe It’s finally playable! I built this a couple months...”

Well, aside from the gravity-defying objects on the second floor that don't fall through the non-existent ceiling... :) No, seriously, it looks great. Warm and bright but not eye-searingly bright. I kind of suck at community lots, myself. I just don't have the patience for them.

Muahahah yes that’s one.... also the design tool was on and hovering over one of the front windows on the exterior shot. Also - I’m amazed you can make the sheer volume of CC you do but not a community lot! Hahah it’s just crazy the things our brains will allow us to focus on and not hey? I spend five minutes on some beginner CC tutorials beyond what I can already do and my brain feels like it’s turning to mush.

jenba

replied to your photoset

“The Bohemian Cafe It’s finally playable! I built this a couple months...”

It looks great! :)

I’m so glad you like it! Thanks for the beautiful inspiration as always.

sterina-sims

replied to your photoset

“I decided to run a little play-style experiment in this household,...”

that is such a great idea!! i'll be giving it a try! :D

Hope you like trying it! It really shakes things up a bit, but not too much! :p

#simper-fi #simlishnoir #shaysugar #dramallamadingdang #jenba #plumbtales #sterina-sims #replies

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minswriting · 1 month ago

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KINKTOBER 8 - gunplay and stockholm syndrome

nsfw | mdni | aaron hotchner x reader | dark themes, read at your own discretion.

note: this was my first time truly trying to write dark themes. so it’s probably so bad lol

Being an assassin, you always lived amongst danger which is how you got yourself in this situation. You had prior knowledge that the FBI was investigating the murders you committed. And that it was only a matter of time before they connected it all to you. And you knew that you did not want to be caught at all. Which is why, two months ago, you had taken it upon yourself to hatch a plan to kidnap one of the members of the Behavior Analysis Unit. And a month ago, you became successful.

You had kidnapped the Unit Chief. And god, has it been a crazy month.

The man, Aaron Hotchner, had tried really hard to get you to do the right thing for the first two weeks. And truthfully, you almost caved. There was just something about an authoritative man with a velvety voice that always did it for you. But you had other goals in mind and nothing would make you stray from those goals. No matter how much you were attracted to the man.

The intensity of the connection you guys had was ridiculous. At first, Aaron hated you. He hated that you were smart enough to kidnap him. He was strongly worried about his family, the BAU, and often wondered how they were doing. And yet, as the days went on and he was still in this cold basement, his worries had turned to resentment. How have they not found him yet? Are they not utilizing every tool that the FBI has to offer? Or are you just that good at covering your tracks?

He honestly couldn’t tell. For once, Aaron Hotchner was at a loss on what to do.

Over time, he gained a respect for you. It was hard at first for sure but he learned that you may be an assassin but you don’t kill for no reason. You were truly a vigilante type. The men you killed were truly scum, even if they painted themselves out to be high and mighty. You were someone that killed those that have wronged others in serious ways. And for that, Aaron respected you.

And he was deeply attracted to you which for the first three weeks, he cursed himself for. Anytime you’d come home and he would see you, he would curse his body for wanting nothing more than to be buried inside of you. But now, as you sat all nice and pretty on his cock, Aaron didn’t understand why he beat himself up over his attraction to you. You were truly a goddess.

And the gun to his head as you bounced on his cock was certainly an interesting experience.

You had come home frustrated and angry, something about missing your shot. He didn’t really care about what exactly happened. All he wanted was to make you feel better. It was sick of him, really. But he may as well try to indulge himself in a way he can’t in his day-to-day life.

You bounced on Aaron’s cock like you were on a mission. Your pussy was so tight and so wet. You were definitely wound up from your mission today. With the gun pointed at Aaron’s head, you couldn’t help the grin on your face. “You don’t even look scared,” you exclaimed, using the gun to move a piece of hair out of Aaron’s face.

“Should I be?” He replied, licking his lips. If he died, he’d die with his cock buried inside of the heaven that was your pussy. And honestly, right now, that did not seem like a bad way to die.

“It’s a loaded gun,” You said, looking at the pistol. You slowed your movements, bringing the gun down to Aaron’s chest and aiming it directly at his heart. “Just one pull of the trigger,” you whispered. “And bam. You’re gone.”

The whispering, the seductive look in your eye. Aaron should really be scared. He should be cursing himself at ever allowing his guard down for an unsub. And yet, he sought out the thrill that was you. You scared him in a way that made his cock so hard and his brain into mush. He would let you kill him if it meant he got to die by your hand and your hand only.

But he also knew that you wouldn’t kill him. You only killed the bad guys.

“You wouldn’t,” Aaron said hoarsely, bucking his hips into you, making you gasp in pleasure. “I’m not one of the bad guys you kill.”

“Maybe I could change.”

Aaron shook his head no. “You kill the bad guys because they remind you of your father, a man who abused you and your mother simply because he could.” Aaron’s voice was soft, tender, all while his cock was buried deep inside of you. “I’m not someone you want to kill. I too catch the bag guys. Just in a different way.”

You hummed, bringing the gun back to Aaron’s temple, continuing your movements on his cock. “I suppose you’re right,” you sighed, allowing the pleasure to overcome you.

Aaron relished in the pleasure you gave him, exhilarated from the dangers of the gun. And when the two of you finished the intense sex you had, Aaron came to his senses.

It was that night that he was saved and you were arrested. And it took awhile for Aaron to get back on his feet after being isolated from society for so long. All he ever thought of was you, how you smelled, how you looked, you good you felt. He craved you constantly. And yet, he could no longer have you.

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds smut #criminals minds x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner smut #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner imagine #min’s kinktober #kinktober

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