#i just had some Emotions when i saw the dandelions in the backyard

[cryptidkieren]

the dandelions are back

ive always liked them, how bright and happy they are, how they puff up like clouds close enough to touch - even though i know theyre only weeds

i used to make wishes on them (i still do sometimes)

they remind me of my mother - one of my earliest memories is handing a bouquet of dandelions to her, slightly crushed in my child-sized fist, and saying i picked her some flowers

she laughs and takes them. “these arent flowers, [who i used to be/who i never was], but theyre still pretty. thank you”

i dont know what she did with them. i dont know if she threw them in the trash or put them in a cup of water like a vase. i didnt care then - i gave my mom some flowers, and she liked them

its one of the only good memories i have with her - the rest are tainted, blackened edges curling and soaked with her alcoholism and neglect

the dandelions are back, and i smile at them

[vinylhazza]

but enemies to best friends to lovers? fuck

oh my goshhhh you might be onto something there 🤤🥵 fucking can’t stand to even look at each other much less be in the same room and wouldn’t you fucking know it - she’s drunk off her ass at a party. some dumb influencer party none of them wanted to be at - turned straight to a trash fest. people falling over the the place.

he’s pouting the entire time, so annoyed by everyone and everythign, especially annoyed that you’re here being all bubbly and happy. graysons talking to a friend somewhere by the drink table, but ethan? eyes latched on her. her face that changes emotion fairly quickly. too quickly.

she’s wandering off from her girlfriends, stumbling out behind the house in the alleyway, a noticeable tear dripping down onto her cheek.

against his better judgement, he follows. she’s sad, and normally he wouldn’t care - but she never cries. even when he’s made it very clear he doesn’t like her presence around his brother. he was a dick because he was insecure, whether he wanted to admit it or not. she hadn’t done anything wrong - he just saw her making his brother happy, his mother happy, and he felt inferior.

sneaking off from grayson he rounds the corner where she had disappeared so suddenly, like she wasn’t really fleeing from the people, but a memory.

she’s sitting down on the ground, playing with a patch of grass that popped through the concrete, pulling at the green strands deep in thought. more tears had fallen down onto her cheeks, her shoulders shaking when she tried to stop herself from crying too loud.

he sat down in silence, nodding when he looked over at him in shock. he knows it’s strange that he, of all people, would be the one to comfort her when he has made it clear he didn’t give a shit, but for some reason he didn’t like seeing her sad. she always had a tough exterior, and for the first time she didn’t seem so strong.

“what happened?” he’s asking softly, joining her in picking at the grass, smiling at the lone dandelion she had picked up, twirling it with her fingers.

“why do you care?” she whispers, a hand reaching up to swipe at her cheeks, not wanting to seem weak in front of someone that has probably wished for the exact moment to see her break.

“i don’t,” he grinned, nudging her when she frowned at him.

he’s teasing her?

ethan doesn’t...tease her. ever. in fact, the nicest thing the man has ever done for her is leave her the last two slices of pizza, but only because grayson asked him too. not a favor to her, a favor for his brother.

“seems about right,” she giggles. for some reason that giggle pulled at his heartstrings, she sounded so relieved he hadn’t said something mean.

before he ask what happened again, she is telling him. she doesn’t know why. she just knows that he’s here, and he’s listening for once, and she’s going to take the opportunity.

“i’m just lonely i guess,” she huffs, blowing a puff of air through her lips, dropping the dandelion and slapping her hands on her thighs.

“but you were with your friends? how come you didn’t just get grayson? you know he would drop anything for you.” what is she on about? she is at a party surrounded by people, how could she possibly be lonely? he catches that she’s slurring some of her words, remembering that she’s drunk...but drunk words are often sober thoughts. why is she lonely?

“i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but i’m not really like them yeknow? i’m not like...the prettiest girl in the group or anything and i don’t even make fucking videos so why am i at a damn influencer party? you’re right yeknow...i am an idiot. i look fucking stupid...” she’s trailing off, blinking fast down at her hand when he grips it in his fingertips. he’s never touched her. ever.

“don’t ever call yourself stupid...i didn’t mean that. i didn’t really mean half of that shit i was just...being an ass for no reason. you do belong here with us you know that...and for the record you win in the looks category every damn day.”

did he just call her attractive?

looking at him watching her...he seemed like such a different person. not a cocky boy that always picked on her, not some famous youtuber, but a man that really cared that she was sad and feeling down about herself. he’s being honest.

“well...thank you e, i appreciate that...so do you,” she sighs back at him, leaning her head back against the side of the house, looking at him with a soft smile. her hair fell in loose waves down her shoulders, pale yellow tank top hugging at her in just the right way, jeans that had her own little stitching on the pocket - an adorable little sunflower.

she’s never called him e. that name was only ever reserved for grayson...but it sounded nice falling from her lips.

she looked so pretty like this...why hadn’t he ever seen her this way before? what is happening?

“now get your hot ass up, wipe those tears away, and let’s go have some fun okay? i don’t think i can stand to hear grayson tell another story about plywood,” he grunts with a roll of his eyes, standing up and holding his hand out for her to take.

“whatever you say dolan.” she hooks her fingers around him, squealing when he tugs her up to her feet, holding her hand for just a bit longer, looking at her side profile, admiring her soft features while she wasn’t looking.

to his surprise, she hooks her pinky around his, tugging him toward the backyard, the music getting louder once again. he looked so innocent staring back at her, like he was never that boy that hurt her feelings down to the core. she had a feeling he never would again. with Golden blaring through the speakers, a heart full of forgiveness and content, she doesn’t think they could ever go back to what they were before. it’s only up from here.

“let’s show these suckers how to dance.”

[thetravelerwrites]

Aigoromo (Fishwoman) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Male Human/Fishwoman Additional Tags: Exophilia, Fishwoman, Male Reader, Reader Insert, Sex, Fish Lady Content Warnings: Eggs, Babies, Broken Leg, Tornado Words: 3881

A commission for @redgunnit ! After a man breaks his leg and loses his house and job after a tornado rips through his town, he calls upon his brother for help. His brother lives on an island supposedly protected by a water spirit, whom the reader meets shortly after arriving. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

A surprise, unprecedented tornado had ripped through your town, taking most of the homes and businesses with it. Your own house, ten years worth of work and saving, was demolished in a matter of moments. Now, with a broken shin bone and without either a home or a job, since the factory you worked for was also crushed, you sought out help from your brother.

After sitting in a hospital bed and crying for a while, you called your brother, who lived with his wife and kids on an island called Farway. Within hours of getting out of the hospital, you were on a plane out to the island with nothing but a small bag of personal items you managed to salvage and whatever money was in your savings.

The only way to get to the island was by ferry from the mainland, so your plane landed at the airport in a city west of the coastal town where the ferry was located. You took a cab from the airport straight to the ferry. Luckily, you got there just in time to catch the last ride of the day.

You sat on the deck of the ferry, stretching your injured leg out with a tight grip on the bag that had what was left of your worldly possessions. You stared at the sky as the sun was setting, a deep, deep exhaustion in your bones. Half of the sky was a grey-blue and the other half was blood red, which seemed appropriate for your mood. If you weren’t completely numb, you were just… angry. Angry that you’re entire adult life’s work lay in ruins in a town you never wanted to see again. For the first time in a long time, you had no plan, no future, no prospects. Nothing but the clothes on your back and the kindness of family.

Your brother, Caleb, was there to meet you when you got off the ferry, and after a brief, tight hug that conveyed a bevy of emotions, he picked up your bag and helped you to his car.

“I’m so glad you didn’t get more badly hurt,” He was saying as he drove you to his home. “We watched the news about it. We heard people died, and I was scared to death when I couldn’t reach your cell.”

“Yeah, it was destroyed,” You replied. “I’m going to have to replace it while I’m here.”

“You had insurance on the house, right? Are they going to pay out?”

“I don’t know,” You said. “Our town has never had a tornado go through it, so I don’t even know if I have coverage for that.” You sighed and rubbed your aching head. “I’ll call tomorrow.”

“Maybe you should just rest for a few days first, bro,” Caleb remarked, looking at you in concern. “You look beat.”

“Maybe you’re right,” You said, reclining and putting an arm over your eyes. “I’m… I’m… I don’t even have the words to describe how I feel right now. This has been the worst day of my life.”

“I know, bud,” He said with sympathy. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure this out. In the meantime, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you like.”

“Becca won’t mind?” You asked. Becca, Caleb’s wife, didn’t have the highest opinion of you. You sort of made a bad impression on her when you first met, and it’s colored every interaction the two of you had since then.

“She’s agreed, too. Whatever she thinks of you, you’re still family in need. I love my wife, but you’re my brother. I’m always here for you.”

You clap a hand to his shoulder. “Thanks, man.”

He nodded. “No worries. The space above the garage is empty, so you can have free use of it. There’s already a fold-up cot in there, but we can get you a real bed.”

“Nah, the cot will be fine. I don’t plan on living up there long.”

“Suit yourself. Hungry?”

“If I wasn’t so tired, yeah, but right now, I want to sleep for three days.”

“Gotcha. We’re almost there.”

Caleb had moved to this island three years ago, but you’d never actually visited it. If you hadn’t been half asleep and in a considerable amount of pain, you’d have noticed what a beautiful town it actually was. Most of the buildings were painting pleasing shades of blues, greens, reds, and whites. The streets were symmetrical, even, and clean. Beautiful cast iron streetlamps lined the roads and the sidewalks were cobblestone. The buildings somehow looked decades old and brand new at the same time.

Caleb made a quick stop at the drugstore to drop off your prescription for painkillers and picked up some over the counter stuff, then a short drive brought you to his house. It was a two story Victorian style place with a detached garage, the space above which had an outside set of stairs. Oh, fuck, that would be an obstacle with your leg, but you’d figure it out. The house was blue and white and had a short pier on the water down the hill behind a fence in the backyard.

Thankfully, the boys, Jake and Jack, were already in bed for the night. You loved your nephews, but they were five and a lot to handle all at once if you weren’t ready for them.

Becca greeted you when you came in.

“Hey, hon,” She said, giving you an uncharacteristically friendly hug. “How you holding up?”

“I’m alive, but that’s about it,” You said, your voice rough with exhaustion.

“I bet,” She said with a sad smile. “The cot’s all set up for you. Do you need anything.”

“No, but thanks, Becca. I appreciate you guys putting me up until I figure out what to do,” You told her.

“Think nothing of it,” She said.

“Do you need help getting up to the apartment?” Caleb asked.

“No, I can make it if I’m careful,” You said. “I’m lucky it wasn’t my femur, so I can still bend my knee, otherwise I’d be sleeping on the porch. I think I’m going to lay down, though. It’s been a hell of a day.”

Your brother patted your back and you made your way back outside. Climbing the stairs was arduous, but eventually you made it up into the apartment. It was sparse; there was a cot, a small bathroom with a shower, and a sink and counter with a microwave on it. It reminded you of your college dorm, strangely enough, and you felt comfortable in it immediately.

Falling face-first onto the bed, you were asleep within seconds.

The next morning, you awoke and had breakfast with the family. Your nephews were nothing short of ecstatic to see you, though they were confused by your sudden appearance. You tried to explain the destruction of your life and livelihood to them in terms five-year-olds could understand.

“So now my house is broken and can’t be fixed,” You told them. “It’s just bad luck.”

“You should go talk to the fish lady then!” Jake said emphatically. His twin nodded so hard, you thought he might get whiplash.

Your head rocked back and and an amused smile formed on your face. “Fish lady?”

“Yeah-huh,” Jake said. “I saw her out in the bay. She waved at me. She’s good luck.”

“I see,” You said, and then looked to your brother for an explanation. He snickered.

“It’s a local legend,” He said. “Aigoromo the water spirit. It’s supposedly why this island has such an ideal climate. It rains when it needs to rain, it’s sunny when it needs to be sunny. There’s never huge, crushing waves or bad currents. There’s always fish, year round. It’s like this island is the only place on earth that has perfect weather all the time.”

“I should have bought my house here, then,” You grumbled bitterly.

“Sorry,” Caleb said, wincing. “I didn’t mean to rub it in.”

“No, man, don’t listen to me. I’m just being salty,” You assured him. You turned to your nephews. “So how do I get good luck from the fish lady?”

“You gotta make her like you,” Jack said. “When we saw her, we threw flowers in the water.”

“Nuh-uh!” Jake protested. “We were feeding the ducks!”

“You were feeding the ducks! I was throwing flowers!”

“Flowers are stupid! She liked that I was feeding the ducks more!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Boys, that’s enough,” Becca said.

“So to get her to like me so that I can get my luck back, I give her flowers and/or feed ducks?” You asked with an indulgent smile. The boys nodded their head at the same time. “Well, I guess I’ll have to try that, then.”

Caleb laughed and shook his head and Becca herded the kids upstairs for their baths.

Later that night, you were having difficulty sleeping. The pain-killers that you’d picked up that day helped dull the sharp pain in your lower leg, but it made you feel itchy and extremely restless. You fought your way down the staircase, into the backyard and went to sit on the pier, stretching out your leg.

You looked out over the water, sort of mulling over your recent bad luck. It was pretty here, with the moon rising over the bay. Looking down, you noticed a little stack of flowers, nothing fancy, just wild daisies and dandelions. Sniffing a laugh out of your nose, you picked the little bundle up and laid them in your lap, picking up one of the daisies and just plucking the petals off and blowing them out in the water, honestly for something to do that wasn’t just sitting there, feeling uncomfortable and anxious about your future.

You heard a splash in the distance that caught your attention. It was dark, but the moon was out and over the water. After a minute of squinting, you didn’t see anything, and you relaxed.

Until you looked down into the water at the edge of the dock and saw wide eyes looking back at you.

Your leg prevented you from scuttling back on the pier like a startled crab, so you were frozen in place as the eyes rose up out of the water and stared at you. The eyes were set into a face that was light blue with purple contours, orange stripes, and no nose. There were large frilly gills around its neck that were thin and membranous. It swam closer and placed it’s webbed hands on the pier, staring at you curiously.

“Holy shit…” You whispered, not sure what you should do. It’s mouth was open, and you could see teeth, but they were like ridges, one on the bottom and two on the top with a gap between them. It chittered at you, as if expecting something. Looking around you, you saw the flowers still in your lap. Unable to think of anything else to do, you scooped them up and handed them to the creature carefully, concerned it would bite you or attack with the claws on its hands.

It reached out and took the flowers, and as your fingers grazed its hand, you were suddenly flooded with emotions and thoughts that didn’t belong to you. It left you reeling and dizzy, and by the time your head stopped swirling, the creature had disappeared.

Your heart was racing and you stared out over the water, expecting to see it again, but you didn’t. You stayed out there for two hours, but it didn’t return.

Your leg wasn’t hurting anymore and the itchiness had subsided, so you decided to try and go back inside and sleep, hoping when you woke up, this would have just been a dream.

You did dream, in fact, about underwater worlds and strange creatures similar to the one you’d seen, slowly fading away, until there was only one left, and you awoke feeling an intense sensation of loneliness that you couldn’t explain.

For the rest of the day, you were distant and unfocused. Your brother blamed it on the pain-medication, but you actually hadn’t taken any since the day before. The sharp pain that was in your leg had faded to a dull ache.

Around dinnertime, you got a call from your attorney:

“Good news,” He said. “They’re going to pay out your insurance.”

“You’re kidding me!” You exclaimed, overjoyed. “You said it could take months to get an answer, and even then, they might not pay out!”

“Well, it looks like it’s your lucky day,” He said with a smile in his voice.

Lucky, huh? “Yeah, I guess so,” You said.

That day, you made a special trip to the florist under the guise of buying Becca some flowers to thank her for being hospitable, which was partially true, but you also bought a bouquet for the creature in the bay. You wondered if it ate them, or just liked the look of them. Either way, you chose flowers that were both pretty and edible and hid them in your apartment above the garage.

After presenting the bouquet to Becca and taking the family out to celebrate, you told them all that you were exhausted and retired to the apartment, but in reality, you felt anxious and impatient, wanting to test how far this “good luck” was going to get you.

Caleb and his family finally went to bed around eleven that night, and you hobbled your way down the steps of the apartment with far more ease than the night before. You had the bouquet in your hand and sat carefully arranged your legs on the pier into a comfortable position, waiting.

An hour passed, and there was no sign of it. You took out one of the flowers, an orange nasturtium, and flung it out into the water. One by one, you took a flower from the bouquet and tossed it into the waters of the bay.

Then, it appeared in the distance. Your heart jumped up in your throat as it came closer. You still had a number of flowers left, but you wanted it to stay for a while. You wanted to try and communicate with it. As it came closer, you scooted back a little and took out a peony, holding it out. You were enough of a distance away that it would have to come up on the pier to get it.

It trilled, reaching out for the flower, but you motioned for it to come up on the pier.

“Come on,” You coaxed. “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.”

It was hard to gauge its facial expressions, but you thought it might be confused.

“Can you understand me?” You asked slowly, but the look of confusion remained. You sighed and scooted closer, holding out your hand. “You communicate in a different way than me, don’t you?” You asked.

The creature seemed to make a decision, and pulled itself up to sit on the pier. Oh. Well, now you knew it was female. She was muscular and had no breasts, but there was very clearly… lady parts… between her legs. She had blue scales with orange ridges and frills like the ones around her neck flowing around her waist, as well. There were also patches of white scales around her belly and shoulders.

You held out the flower, but she knocked it away and took your hand. Suddenly, you saw yourself, saying the words, “Can you understand me?” but it was harsh and garbled and sounded like an animal attempting to speak. You could barely make out what it was supposed to sound like and only had the flower in your hand as a context clue.

Then, you saw a world underwater, and the sounds of other creatures communicating with each other, the words like a song. You couldn’t understand what was being said, but you felt the emotions through the creature.

“I see…” You whispered.

The creature tilted its head, and you felt a question come from it and flow into you. It wasn’t words, not exactly, but you understood the gist of it. Who are you? Why are you here?

In your head, you ran through the memories of your house, how hard you’d worked to buy it and how it had been destroyed in a matter of minutes, leaving you injured and homeless.

She felt your sorrow and absorbed it. In return, she flooded you with comfort and ease, showing you beautiful light and waving fronds, giving you the feeling of a gentle wave, like rocking a child to sleep. Peaceful.

You were lost in the flood of sensations and emotions she poured into you, and by the time you came back to awareness, dawn was breaking. Surprised by the sun on the horizon, you looked at her and smiled in thanks, trying to convey it wordlessly while the two of you were still connected.

Several weeks passed, and she came to visit you every night. During this time, your leg healed twice as quickly as it should have, the insurance company paid out nearly half a million dollars, and you’d taken a job with the butcher in town near the florist. A house by the wharf came up for sale, meaning you could buy it and move there. It even had an enclosed boat dock attached to it so that Aigoromo, which you’d taken to calling her since she couldn’t tell you her name even if she had one, could come and visit you without being seen.

Aigoromo was a constant presence since the day she revealed herself to you. Even during the day, if you looked out at the water, you could see her now and then, just watching you go about your day, and you would smile at her, feeling warm and tranquil. She would smile back and disappear under the water.

When you got the key to your house, she came to visit you the same day, coming up out of the water inside the boat dock. She seemed anxious about something.

You reached for her hand. What’s wrong?

She filled your mind with a flurry of images. It was hard to sort them all out, but you saw one picture very clearly: eggs. You suddenly understood. It was mating season, and she had no one to mate with.

She had shown you a while ago that most of her kind had either left this region when humans began to settle here, or died off when the humans began to over fish, before laws were put in place to stop those practices. As such, she had been alone here for many years.

You were sympathetic, but you didn’t know how to help. What can I do?

She took your hand and pressed it to her cold slit and trilled at you, spreading her legs and laying down on the wet wood of the dock, the frills around her entrance waving like the fingers of an anemone.

Your heart began to race and you looked at her in alarm. It’s true, sharing your emotions and memories with her had made you feel very close to her, and you felt a great affection for her, but… could you do this? More to the point, did you want to?

Aigoromo seemed to sense your uncertainty and took your hand, flooding your mind with an emotion: love. It was stronger than saying it out loud could ever have been; you really felt it in a way you never had from anyone else. It warmed the body and eased the soul.

“I didn’t realize…” You said, softly, knowing that talking too loud was grating to her ears. You tried to convey it silently, and she nodded in understanding. In your minds eye, you showed her a picture of people kissing followed by a questioning feeling. She rose up and pressed her lips to yours. This was a good start.

You began to remove your clothing, and she watched with interest. She’d communicated that she didn’t understand the purpose of clothing, and you tried to help her understand that humans didn’t deal well with cold and, well, there were laws. She understood the cold part, but not the law part.

After you had disrobed, she looked at your body curiously, using her hands to explore. She seemed mighty interested in how your length throbbed and grew as she touched it. She spent some time enthralled in how your body reacted to her touch, and you couldn’t help but groan in pleasure. She looked up and chirruped questioningly. Since she was touching you, you were able to convey wordlessly that it felt good, so she continued.

She lay back again, and you climbed over her, kissing up her body. You could feel it from her perspective and could perceive how she was feeling as you did it. She liked it. A lot.

It was a little strange, as she had no breasts to lavish attention on, but you made up for it by just touching her, which she seemed perfectly happy with.

As you moved to meet her lips, the tip of your cock touched the frond-like frills of her opening, and they seemed to guide you inside, creating an incredible suction around you that was mind-blowing, and you gasped. She trilled in response, feeling what you felt.

You began to move, pressing your warm body close to her cool one, kissing her neck and caressing the frills around her head. She clawed at your back, which drew blood, but didn’t hurt and seemed to heal immediately, heightening the sensation.

Your pace quickened, and she gurgled in response. The shared pleasure between the two of you made the experience unlike anything you’d ever felt before and you were bathing in it, drowning. You raised up on your knees, grasping her waist and thrusting hard, your body slapping wetly against hers, and she looked at you with her huge orange eyes, drawing her claws down your chest.

She was squeezing tightly from inside, and you could feel a ripple as she began to crash into the wave of ecstasy. You came at the same time, releasing deep into her and moaning over and over again.

You spent weeks with her during her mating period, making love over and over. Most people assumed you were taking the time to put up your house, but in reality, the house was still bare inside. Soon, mating season ended, but she still came to see you, to share her experiences and converse with you in the only way she could. You’d go swimming with her sometimes, and you had to admit, you’d never been happier.

A year passed. A new legend had popped up among the townspeople, one that said the water spirit had found her mate, and that there were now little Aigoromos living in the bay. People swore they had seen little heads the size of small children bobbing out of the water, only to disappear when people called out to them.

When you heard these stories, you’d smile and laugh. Then you’d buy a bouquet of flowers and head to your boathouse to make tiny crowns for your little visitors, due to come with their mother after the sun went down.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience!To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[transassbuttwriting]

My 27th Birthday: Pieces

Word Count: 2, 658 Warning(s): Drug use mentioned, overdose mentioned, depressing narrative

It may have been the time, but Geoff forgot just how much he loved sitting outside. Nothing, but a cup of tea in his hands, a radio on full volume, and the wind dancing through his hair. It reminded him of rehab and how he spent most of his free time there. He would sit in the courtyard, writing in his journal as other patients walked by in their own world. He only wrote in that book because he was told to. Writing down his thoughts didn’t help him a lot, but he did it nonetheless. Just to make his therapist happy with him.

He shook his head. He retrained his attention on the flowers in the backyard. They ranged from white to pink to purple to blue, all pastels. He couldn’t remember his mother gardening much. He just guessed the flowers were already there, planted for them. It didn’t matter to him. Even as a child, he would just pick the ones he thought were the prettiest, only for him to get tattled on by his sister and scolded by his parents. Looking back, he realized how bad that was for the flowers. However, a dandelion bouquet wasn’t appreciated either so, what was he supposed to do?

The song on the radio shifted along with his feelings, a low beat and soft acoustic strum started to play. Geoff took a sip of his tea, burning his tongue as he did. He couldn’t remember the last time he drank tea. Obviously before his death, but it was definitely before his 27th birthday. It must have been with Randy and his girlfriend, or was it wife?

He paused, his brows creased. He was forgetting a lot. That bullet must have done something to his head. He couldn’t even remember the most intimate details of his life. He wasn’t even an old man, not that he ever would be.

Geoff stood up, placing his tea down beside the radio before he walked into the living room. The photo album still sat where he left it ages before. He felt nauseous every time he looked in its direction. He never wanted to relive the emotions he felt looking at those memories, but if he was forgetting everything, he had to look.

He picked it up and brought it outside with him. The cursive introduction haunted him as he flipped through the pages. He would go slower this time. He would skip the parts he would hate and linger on the ones he loved. Yeah, that was the plan.

The first photo he saw was of one-year-old him leaning against his sister’s crib who at the time was just a few months old. His face was shmooshed between two bars, his lips pouted out. Geoff laughed at himself. He didn’t get any less annoying as his sister grew up. He turned to another photo. This one had both him and his sister, much older and in their Sunday best, smiling big at the camera. He faintly remembered a distant family member taking the photo, but out of the many cousins that were several times removed, it was hard to keep track of everyone. Underneath the photo, Geoff found cursive writing.

After Geoff & Kimberly’s First Performance

Oh yeah! Geoff smiled at the photo, tracing the letters with his finger. Kimberly knew piano and both were in the church choir. Possibly their parents started it or maybe a great grandparent, but Geoff remembered him and Kimberly performing songs they knew for their family right after church. Brunch was served by each member as they sang, the quality of their performance strengthening throughout the years. He believed they pranked the entire family once by performing The Bitch is Back instead of Bennie and the Jets. It didn’t end very well for either of them.

Geoff flipped through the pages, memories returning once he looked at the photos. He found more of him and Kimberly and more of him with David. Childhood memories he had forgotten due to his partying years. It was strange staring at his younger self. Possibly it was because it was so long ago and he couldn’t remember being that small. Maybe it was something in his eyes that changed. Maybe it was nothing.

His favourite out of the bunch was one of him, Kimberly, and David. It was Halloween and Star Wars had just came out earlier that year. David had insisted on being Han Solo, even though Geoff threw a fit about it. Now he didn’t understand why he was being so whiny. Luke was just as cool, possibly even cooler, than Han and he was a Jedi. Who could go wrong with being a Jedi? That meant Kimberly was Leia despite David and Geoff’s pleads for her to go as Chewbacca.

The photo was taken in the middle of them yelling trick-or-treat with their bags outstretched. It was a photo that must have been taken by some unknown being, but Geoff was glad it was taken. They all looked so happy.

He turned the pages again and the photos became newer as he grew older. He grew up along with Kimberly and it was obvious how different they became once they turned into teenagers. While she looked like a model teenage girl with long skirts and done-up hair, Geoff looked like he was a member of Mötley Crüe. He laughed at himself for looking so ridiculous.

Cautiously counting, Geoff skipped ahead in the photo album. He saw himself in rehab and after the treatment. The rest of the album was just of him and Needles. The makeup and big hair disappeared and their appearances changed. Age, weight gained or lost, bad decisions. All reasons for their looks.

The last photo he looked at made a small smile appear on his face. Needles was sitting at a long table in a restaurant, smiling at the camera. Geoff remembered a server taking the photo and that the food was pretty good. One side was David, Geoff, and Susie and on the other was Chris, Randy, and...what was her name? He looked down at the writing beside it to find the missing name.

Emilia! Randy’s wife! Oh, I wonder how she’s doing. Geoff thought, his finger unknowingly covering Susie’s face. He always thought they were a cute couple. He was glad they got married after years of dating.

There was a knock on the front door. Geoff turned off the radio and brought in the photo album and his now cold cup of tea. He wondered who would at his home at–he looked at the clock–only ten in the morning?

He opened the door and let out a huff of joy. Janis grinned up at him, her sunglasses and hair covering most of her face. Maybe he needed a friend to talk to.

“Hey, Jan.” He smiled, moving back to invite her in.

“Heyo, Geo. You wanna join me for a walk? I had a feeling you’re not doing much.”

Geoff stopped and wrinkled his nose at her. Of course he was doing something! He was sitting and staring at flowers. Okay, he wasn’t doing anything.

“Yeah, sure, I have time.”

Janis grabbed Geoff’s hand and pulled him along to the sidewalk. He barely managed to shut his door as he was startled by the fact that she had more strength than he originally thought. Janis’ grip loosened after a while, her speed slowing down until she was beside Geoff. She started to ramble about small things and he listened to each and every word carefully, even if she didn’t care about them.

The clicks of their shoes on the concrete turned into the crunch of leaves and pebbles as they turned onto a smaller trail, leading into a forest. The trees became thicker as they continued to walk and Janis’ voice ceased to leave. Geoff added his own comments every now and then, but he felt she wanted an ear to hear her. The day was calm, clouds covering most of the sky. It was peaceful and quiet, leaving the two to be in their own world.

A clearing, tiny compared to most, appeared in the middle of the trail and Janis’ voice faded. She grinned and spun around, her arms out, taking in every inch of the scenery. Geoff looked around and noticed a couple of flower bushes at the bottom of tall pine trees. He knelt down and smelled one.

Janis sighed, a smile still on her face, “You can’t get this from drugs, I’ll tell you that much.”

Geoff whipped his head up, “Excuse me?”

“Yeah, there’s Southern Comfort, but this,” she gestured toward the flora, “this is something beautiful.”

He looked around and stared at the trees and bushes. He had no idea what she was seeing, but he definitely wasn’t seeing anything spectacular. He grew up with nature like what stood in front of them and everything turned dull in the end. Why think something is beautiful if you’ve seen in everyday of your life?

Janis dropped onto the ground, sitting with one knee up. Geoff joined her, crossing his legs. She began to pick the flowers, peonies Geoff now realized, by the stems and started to tie them together.

“Drugs aren’t that good anyway. I mean...look where they got me.” Janis joked, adjusting each flower.

Geoff stiffened, his eyes avoiding Janis. It had been a while since he even thought about drugs. He wanted to avoid it as long as possible, whether it was unhealthy or not for him to bottle up his thoughts. There was always a sick feeling in his stomach when drugs were mentioned, as if it was retreating further into his back. He just felt nauseous.

Janis noticed how Geoff’s hands tightened on his thighs and frowned.

“Touchy subject?”

Geoff nodded.

Janis raised her brows, “Oh. Well, if you want to talk about anything, my ears are wide open, baby.”

She continued to tie the peonies together, placing them down once they were connected into a circle. She grabbed more and started to make another one.

Now it felt like a pot about to overboil. Geoff wanted to say so much, but he had only known Janis for less than four months. She didn’t need to hear any of his problems. That was his own business and no one else’s burden. He needed to keep his mouth shut. He needed to solve his own issues and not piggyback on others’ efforts. Besides, would she even understand his incoherent feelings?

“I had an addiction.”

Oh, goddammit.

Janis’ head perked up.

“I was an alcoholic and a heroin addict. It...It fucked me up to put it lightly.” He found himself laughing. At himself mostly.

As he started, Janis stopped fidgeting with the peonies, placing down the circle she was working on. Her attention was purely on Geoff.

“When you start, you never think that it would get bad. You always tell yourself ‘I’ll stop after this shot’ but you don’t. Parents always warn you about drugs and how they’re bad. They always say how they’ll disown you and how they would be disappointed. They never tell you how enticing they are.”

Janis slipped her hand into Geoff’s, squeezing it tightly. Her eyes hadn’t left his face and his were still staring at the flower bush. Everything was just spilling out. He couldn’t stop.

“I don’t remember much of my overdose, but I do remember bits and pieces. I remember drinking whiskey and shooting up. I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I was in a hospital. I was strapped to the bed because I apparently tried to attack the nurses. All I could remember from between was hearing someone screaming ‘All blue...They’re just blue…’”

Nothing. Janis didn’t respond. She waited for Geoff to continue. He could feel a lump in his throat as he tried to hold back tears.

“Randy and David found me and took me to the hospital...It was David yelling. He told me that he looked into my eyes and just saw blue.”

Geoff felt Janis’s hand tense up against his. He didn’t turn her way, but he could feel how her eyes widened. He crossed over and rolled up his sleeve over his elbow. He rubbed at the crease of his elbow, tracing the vein.

“This entire area was covered in track marks...I don’t think I was ever sober during my life. Even when I wasn’t, I felt miserable.”

Janis tried to smile, but it looked forced. She caressed Geoff’s hand with her thumb and he finally looked in her direction.

“I’m sure it did feel like it was horrible, but I’m certain there was good moments too.”

Before he could clearly think, Geoff shook his head. His stomach dropped when Janis’ smile fell.

“What’s with the shake, Geo?”

Geoff couldn’t think of an answer.

“Did you have friends who cared about you?”

“Yes-”

“Did you have a family who would die for you?”

“I suppose-”

“Do you remember any inside jokes you had with your friends?”

Geoff started to smile, “Yes-”

“Did your friends have fun with you or try to make you smile?”

“Of course!”

“There were some good moments!” Janis’ smile returned.

Geoff paused, his smile cracking slightly. Where was she going with this? “I’m not saying that your life wasn’t shit because I believe that you were unhappy. However, I refuse to believe that there were no good moments, even when you were a kid. I’m one hundred percent certain that your friends and family tried their best to make your life amazing. Your band cared about you. The way you talk about them, I hope they did! Just promise me one thing, baby. Don’t compare your life to others. Enjoy your life and afterlife by your standards.”

Her hands returned to the circle of flowers. She added one more peony and set the circle on her head. She grabbed the other one and placed it on top of Geoff’s head. They were flowers crowns. How could Geoff not see that?

“I know it will be hard to get over everything that happened while you were alive, but promise me you’ll remember the good. That you’ll remember that you enjoyed it.” Geoff nodded. He felt a weight off his shoulders that had been there for years. Even though he felt a sharp pain in his heart, it was far more tolerable than the dull and everbuilding pain of keeping quiet.

Janis looked Geoff over, a sly smirk appearing on her lips.

“The peonies are actually cute on you. Maybe you should have some at your house.”

He smiled, a petal falling from his crown. Staring at Janis with an identical flower crown, she looked like how people depicted Mother Nature. It made Haven feel more like home.

They stood up and began to walk back to Geoff’s house. They continued to talk, but instead, Geoff was one to talk Janis’ ear off. He told her stories of when he was younger and how he mended his relationship with his sister after his overdose. Janis just smiled, listening carefully to each word that he said.

Once they arrived back, Janis stepped on the tip of her toes and kissed Geoff’s forehead. Her hand rested on his cheek and he sheepishly smiled.

“If you need to talk, just know that I’m here for you and so is everyone in the club.”

Geoff nodded, “Yes, I know.”

Janis lingered for a moment before she started to walk off, waving back at Geoff as she did.

Geoff didn’t take off his flower crown when he entered his home. He didn’t take it off when he grabbed the photo album and sat down outside. He touched the crown and sighed as he saw at the end of the photo album a new photo of him and Janis sitting beside the flower bush.